#and now im suffering from it because i spent years following my own way that i missed out a thousand of essential things

[mayplantstarrwaters]

Going through another art crisis once again as I just decided today that I will practice some essential stuffs for drawing such as body anatomy, hand, legs but then I got hit with a bunch of tutorials from different people and references pics to the point that I don’t know where to fucking begin ???? And now once again I feel like I can’t fucking do anything because I just tried everything I could and it crumbled

[necroromantics]

Properly addressing the drama

For the millionth time (The tone on this entire post is lighthearted and not mad)

I'm gonna start this off by saying that I have made multiple posts apologizing for my past actions, and acknowledging the harm I have caused in the past. I have apologized sorta- directly to Void (my friend sent my apology to them cuz Void didnt want me to contact them which I respected). I know I bring up my ASPD a lot, but please try to understand that personality disorders are dysfunctional behaviours ingrained into someones way of thinking/acting. I never want to excuse my bad behaviour, which is why I am fully open to hearing the others side. I do fully acknowledge that the jokes I made a year ago were in very bad taste now. At the time, I was very deep into drug addiction, in communities that encouraged my bad behaviour, and I grew up with people who held very discriminatory beliefs. This is my explanation for why I made those jokes. I'm trying to explain how my brain works, because it very clearly doesn't work how "normal people"'s brains do, which is why I was diagnosed in the first place. I understand my behaviour was harmful and incorrect, I take full accountability for what I have done, and I am slowly learning how to combat these habits and mindsets that I have grown up with. Its just very hard to do so when these things are heavily ingrained into me, and Im constantly bombarded with drama and being dehumanized and treated like a problem rather than a person. This is the ableism I have faced my entire life, and it follows here too.

I have mental disabilities of my own (very severe ADHD), I have been bullied a lot growing up for it, and also why I actively reclaim the R slur. But I grew up around people who would make fun of me, and people like me, and the way my brain works is that I'm not able to empathize or feel bad for people struggling with things like disabilities or whatnot. At the time, I didn't acknowledge that it was wrong, because to me that was normal and ok. I know now that it's not, and I'm in a place where (for the most part) I am able to try and consider right/wrong.

I do apologize if my tone in my posts or anything has come off as hostile or aggressive. I have a bad habit of that because of my hyperactivity where I speak faster and louder than I can control, which reflects into my tone in text. I have said numerous times that I'm not interested in fighting with minors. My intention was never to cause drama, but to defend my name against people making posts on me, which I have every right to do after they have spent 5 months straight constantly stalking and harassing me.

I do understand that they are all minors. In the past, they got mad at me for not wanting to interact with them due to their age. So it doesn't make sense that they're pulling the age card now. I swear from the bottom of my heart that I am not interested in any of this drama. Ive said it before, but I dont expect forgiveness or people to like me. All I want is to be left alone, and given space to continue my recovery for my mental health issues.

The reason why I bring up their ableism towards me isn't because I want to play victim, or to turn away from what I have done, or use it as an excuse. I take full accountability for what I have done, and talking about my ASPD is my way of explaining why I may think, talk, or act in certain ways. I have been very open about my ASPD from the beginning of this account, and on Discord. My issue is the fact I am being harassed, and have been for nearly half a year now even though I have long cut contact and blocked all of them, because I have "no morality", and I lack empathy. I think that is entirely dehumanizing and stimatizing towards people, not just me, who suffer from these things. If I am expected to take accountability for my ableism, which I have been, then I expect the same from these people as well.

I have screenshots where these people have talked about "cancelling" me on Tumblr way back in January. I have screenshots of death threats, and inappropriate things they have said about me. I understand they are all minors, but my ASPD doesn't excuse my bad behaviour, and their age doesn't excuse theirs.

This was never about caring about those effected by the jokes I made. These people have a long history of trying to cause drama for the sake of drama, and they have tried to do it with another big creator who I wont name. Also my DMs are open if anyone has any concerns, or wants to communicate about this maturely, I've always wished them well and hoped they would find peace and happiness in their lives as I have been trying in mine. Constant thriving off of drama is not good for anyone. Ive stated in the past Im not interested in that. I would like to move on from things that happened half a year to a year ago.

I have already been contacted by those who were involved in the January drama to get on better terms, which I very much appreciate.

I do not have the time or energy to cause unnecessary beef with random kids online. I have kept entirely to myself about this until they made a very public "call out post" about me where I do appreciate them showing me what I still needed to acknowledge and own up to in my past, but they cropped screenshots, not shown context, twisted stories, and have lied about me publicly on other things. My posts have only been about clearing my name and sharing my side. My only concern is telling my side. Anyone else would do the same with the things they have been saying.

I wish them all well wholeheartedly, and I want to make it clear I'm not mad, though I will admit I was for a bit there which is understandable when I have reached a tipping point after 5 months or so of non-stop harassment that I have tried my best to ignore.

I never cared to take any of this too seriously because it's the internet, and I know more than anyone who I am, what I believe, and how hard I'm working. No one else can speak on that, because none of you know me, really. But I have seen how they have insulted people who have nothing to do with the drama, calling someone a 'freak', flooding someones comments on a completely unrelated video, harassing random people in their DMs simply for being in my server. Many people of these are minors. I'm not going to let them do that to random, innocent people. That is entirely unfair how I am not allowed to say a slur I can reclaim, but they are allowed to go out of their way to bully innocent people who have nothing to do with me.

Thats where my issue lies. Thats what makes me upset. I'm a grown man, I have a life, I can defend myself and speak on my own issues. I've said many many times I don't want anyone to involve themselves in the drama, because honestly I think its a waste of time. If they truly cared about what they say they do, they would reach out to me, and we can talk maturely about it as I have done with some people previously associated with them.

I'm not asking for forgiveness, or for people to defend me, or take my side, or anything. All I am asking is that you stop stalking and harassing me, let me live my life in peace as Ive been trying to do, and please leave people alone who have nothing to do with this situation, and that includes my friends. I'm sure none of us want this to continue. Thank you.

(Also, I wanted to add onto the ASPD aspect of this cuz Ive been bringing it up a lot and I wanted to make it clear why. The way my brain works due to my mental health conditions is that I don't have the same emotional responses to words and others problems as most people do. Theres many studies on this, you can read up on it. When I hear certain topics, or words, or phrases, I'm unable to respond with the appropriate emotions and in all honesty it rarely ever bothers me, because I'm unable to empathize with those effected for the most part. I have a very strict moral code, but it's not the same as most people have due to this. I am learning how to combat this, because it causes issues like this. To me, saying hateful things is not the same as believing or doing it. Which I fully understand isn't the way most people see it, and I'm taking steps to unlearn this view. Of course my behaviour and views are going to be socially unacceptable, that is the entire premise of the disorder. Pleaaaase understand that when you berate and dehumanize me for that, youre berating and dehumanizing people with ASPD in general. There are many many other people out there who deal with the same things I do. What also bothered me was the obvious fakeclaiming in the comments of the post, when I have always been open about my diagnosis. I was diagnosed when I turned 18 in a forensic setting and my father has it as well. I have talked countless times about it. Thank you for all who understand.)

[bbiwon]

heyy all ♥ name's lola, here presenting the misunderstood character prompt, moon jaewon; who looks like a badboy, walks like a badboy but is a soft-hearted individual in reality. under the cut i've provided information about him in a bullet point list. if you'd like to interact, i'm available through both IMs and discord, latter which i strongly prefer, but i don't mind either platforms at the end of the day. thank you for your time! ♥

9th february 1999, born and raised in seoul

father teacher at an elementary school, mother working at a supermarket only fair to say that jaewon has lived an average life, sitting on the lower scale of the middle class. has a sister younger than him by few years. always was the type who was drawing; there's so many childhood drawings back at their home done by him alone that one could probably make a whole new house out of it. however, he played football mostly, since kindergarten all throughout the start of high-school, due to his parents' wish. decided to quit at the start of high-school, under the excuse that he wants to focus on studies.

in reality, he's spent his free time returning to his true passion... which quickly spirals into him drawing all the time, filling one too many sketchbooks all too fast; studies of value, anatomy, charcoal, graphite, cheap (dry) pastels. he develops a liking for a flowy touch of charcoal, alike breathy strokes of ink, quickly gaining a personal style. it's all done through naver and whichever book he can dig up from the local library, though, because his parents aren't really supportive of him following the path of an artist. after all, they are all struggling to put bread on the table and they don't want their son to be like that too.

semi-decently liked in high school, hits puberty early and has that boy crush vibes to him; with him being generally nice to everyone there are a few dates here and there but nothing serious ever happens. he had a lot of acquaintances and a few good friends though.

during this time, alongside a somewhat unlimited access to the internet and its wonders while his parents work, he finds a liking to tattoos in a way that's more complex than saying oh that looks pretty on their skin. he starts copying work done on skin of western celebrities at first, then starts coming up with his own design. gets stick and poke material from a friend of a friend of a friend and starts doing stuff on his legs mostly, thankfully most of which is now covered up

in a way, his parents have been right. his hyper-focus on it, mixed with the rebellious "i'll do what i want to do with my life" phase leads jaewon into not really studying when he's meant to be studying, so throughout high-school, his grades tank a lot. unfortunately, it's not enough to be hardworking re: drawing and talented to enter university and in spite of the evident talent, jaewon fails to enroll.

his parents aren't happy with it obviously soo he almost goes for his mandatory service right away instead, but in that same rebellious manner he says no (for now) and spends next two years... working night shifts at one of those 24-hour convenience shops while also doing an apprenticeship, attending conventions, pestering and listening to whoever wants to speak to him of the work. safe to assume he did in fact look like a zombie 18-20 and he's been barely-contact with his parents during that time

dedication, time, skill, tears, suffering have him landing a job in seoul straight out of apprenticeship, at a rather smaller place where he spends a little over a year, still looking up to his seniors; though he doesn't stay there long.

a friend of a friend (plot!?) recommends him barracuda, even if it's a city away. it's better in every way, with it being at a mall rather than some side alleyway on outskirts of seoul's city centre, and apparently the pay is better. he travels to daegu to check it out, carrying his portfolio, and it's like both ends have hit a jackpot at that moment. it's also a change of environment that he thinks would suit him well mentally so...

he becomes a full time artist @ the place. really enjoys his work and the shop, earning himself a respected name in the span of next two years (and ongoing) that he's there. (if my timeline is wrong ignore that)

gone complete no-contact with his parents due to all of this (distance also helps) but his sister thinks he's cool and that's all that matters to him in the end. tends to sleep over inside barracuda often after staying in late, which doesn't bother him much in the end because he lives in a really small studio apt anyway

his work can be seen on ig (@bbiwon) as it stands as a online-portfolio (sketches, flashes, healed tats; persona is anonymous). without going into detail describing his style, i will simply say that his work is similar to work of moku (a forewarning that he tattoos butterflies in case anyone is icked by them); with that flowy, almost freehand looking strokes. i envision his "signature tattoo" being variations on koi fishes, done in that same 'brushy' stroke/airy style. one day when i'm not lazy i'll draw an example of this

personality wise, jaewon is very soft spoken and thoughtful of others, the type that is comforting even if he doesn't say anything. calm, scarcely angry (but really spiteful and grudge holding if you manage to piss him off), the type who starts conversation about anything and everything without being embarrassed about it. carefree to an extent, holding the belief that everything will work out well in the end; though often prone to making spur of the moment decisions in his personal life. compassionate, casual & easy-going, sociable, very much caring even in moments when he should be putting himself first. the type to notice if someone isn't talking in a group of people and try to involve them. tries and isnt opposed to small talk during sessions but also reads people easily and their comfort levels

some other tidbits: — plays league of legends, maintaining a masters rank for past several seasons — the type to have "loves long walks on the beach/by the river/lake and watching sunset" on tinder but still can't make it past the second date (he actually doesn't know what he wants out of a relationship) — likes to drink, friends know how physically affectionate he actually gets when drunk — vapes... strawberry flavour... i'm sorry — dresses baggy, streetwear, comfortable — his first personal instagram kind of blew up which made him uncomfortable, so he deleted that one and made a new one. now, it is actually private and really small selection of people — trying really hard to learn how to play the guitar but also not really successful at it. will play it however to everyone's misfortune — drives a motorcycle, skateboards — lover of alt music, fan of cigarettes after sex and collects their vinyl releases despite not owning a turntable — his hair is crying but he keeps bleaching it — carries his ipad with him 24/7, always sketching something in free time — aquarius sun scorpio moon scorpio rising but you see idk what any of it means — mitski - i bet on losing dogs.mp3

if i ever think of anything more re: him (and i'm always thinking about him i love my #NotEmo boy) 'll be adding it!

i prefer brainstorming for plotting, or taking up other people's wanted plots as my brain is pea sized, but some ideas i have are: a failed tinder date who happens to actually work at the same mall , store right next to barracuda and it's kinda awkward seeing you every day or alternatively lets try again; someone who's a fan of his work; someone who he helped with a hangover after one of those forbidden parties at the mall; somehow every saturday you bump into one another when he's skating next to the geumho river and omg again? third time you're paying for a drink; mysterious person he's in a high-score war with at xpixel; coworkers; someone who thinks he's bad influence bc of his work & appearance... etcetera

[theodoraflowerday]

im listening to PFA/FFV for the first time in like a month and it's 1am so these are scattered/random thoughts, again it's 1am

when she says "nothing cuts like a mother" FUCKKKKK it gets me every time. if this is what she wants (which, she's said it a lot that she does want to be a mother) then she's gonna be the coolest mom (and I know this bc she practically raised me too so that future child is gonna have to share)

"if you know love you best prepare to grieve" hits so much harder now than it did in 2020. I didn't know how hard real loss felt like. ugh.

okay..... creepin. i genuinely thought it was about the bats in her bat house (and that concept made her laugh #noticed) but if this song really IS about B then jdkgjslgjsljdjfjdkf hayley's such an asshole, this song is SO BAD AJDLSJFLSJFLSJF like "yeah I know T's like the greatest human in the world but the memory's gonna have to be enough" which like..... bruh. AND THEN FOLLOW THAT WITH SUDDEN DESIRE SJFKSLFJDLGKDLGK LIKE NOT ONLY IS HE NOT GETTING BACK W YOU BUT ITS BECAUSE HE'S WITH ME NOW, HERE, HAVE A SEX SONG

tracklist goals ily hayley

speaking of sudden desire, rmr when i was walking thru a bridge when i first heard "everywhere i am it sticks close like a friend, just like him" and I. stopped. and stood in the middle of a random bridge for like a minute processing that she meant taylor. like And That Was The Moment I Knew. I had to try and focus cutting open dead bodies knowing that she meant taylor and I couldn't talk about it because being a tayley was still frowned upon until two years ago...... suffered more than jesus tbh

"dyed my hair blue to match my lips" LYRIC GENIUS

"sorry, I could be the bigger person except I'm too small" is the FUNNIEST possible way to explain your pettiness

I just remembered dousing her wedding doc martens in cement in the dead horse music video......... nvm, hayley is the one who suffered more than jesus

like? "I got what I deserved, I was the other woman first" FIRST OF ALL! no. you were groomed. fuck you pinhead bitch i hope you never stop suffering. second of all 'other woman' YOU WERE SEVENTEEEEEEEEEN YOU WERE A *CHILD*

wherever pinhead bitch is, i hope he gets kidney stones.

remember when I got a rose/lotus/violet/iris tattooed to connect with my femininity and then i ended up being nonbinary/agender/a blob? i mean, I still like my femininity, I don't wanna get rid of it, but in retrospect that was like my last desperate attempt at remaining cisgender dlgjdlfkdlgjdlfjdlfjlf

and i will not return to where i once was, well i can break through the earth, come out soft and wild :(

i spent the weekend at home again :( drawing circles on the floor :( trying to keep myself from hurting :( don't know why anymore :( I just wanna talk about it :( I know I freaked you out :( I just wanna talk about it :( sorry for freaking out :( :( :(

so the way I listen to PFA/FFV is like, PFA through why we ever, then all of FFV, and then resume PFA from pure love through crystal clear. which means FFV is about to hit ahahahaha I need therapy

bro, first thing to go starts and like, two sentences in and im already crying skflsjfldjf

"why do memories glow the way real moments don't" to the entirety of crave....... picture me looking for my car (cause a homie's going thru a lot)

"and I should forget but I love what's left" dude :(

I always forget how violent my limb is. both because of the imagery (like "if you leave you're literally ripping out one of my limbs, that's how vital you are to me") and because of the more direct message ("you look so gentle and innocent but look at what you're doing to me and look how im bleeding out" and also "if you're gonna leave me then have the guts to do it right even if it kills me, don't patronize me") like...... hayley williams you are a fuckin wonder

I don't live for you, I live for me 😃 if only that were true, if only I could prove that on my own I'm worthy 😟

THE TROUBLE IS THE WAY YOU STICK TO ANY PART OF ME THAT REMAINS INTACT

"but if I pull the plug, it isn't only me that I'm holding back" vs "and all the ways I'd keep you safe, I keep you safe from me" bro i shouldn't be doing this at 1am before my period

"all I ever had to say about love is a sad song" NOT ANYMORE YOU DON'T OHOHOHOHOHOHO

over those hills is usually when i remember that hayley did all the instruments on FFV too. like she did the whole thing. she's fucking insane.

"and I'm pretty sure you don't miss the way I put all my demons on display to your pretty music" fuck. FUCK

ONE MORE TIME. PLAY ME SOMETHING. I WON'T SING. ONE MORE TIME. PLAY ME SOMETHING. ONE MORE TIME. IM LISTENING.

good grief to me is the saddest breakup song (not the saddest overall but breakup wise def yes) because the great majority of their relationship is based on the music they made together so losing that had to also be horrifying. like she couldn't fully express herself without his music. that's so depressing.

wait on is the saddest song overall btw. it's definitely wait on. it hasn't even started and I'm already tearing up.

seriously, good grief > wait on > KYRH > inordinary > HYD is an attack from every goddamn side. saddest five song run in history.

"keep you right here where the line is, on my fingers, on the surface" I cannot imagine how much it took for hayley to move past all that absurd amount of trauma. like I can't. i could never (i still haven't)

inordinary is my favorite song though. it took me, uh, four years? to admit this but im pretty sure this is my favorite song ever. this is the first time i am ever admitting this btw.

something about pleading to be seen as the most important person and then going through all your life and all the moments you were extraordinary... and using inordinary instead of extraordinary... idk man it just gets me. it gets my former gifted child ass deep in my heart

something something taylor york's absolute inability to take a goddamn compliment despite being the best human being to have ever existed something something

(i got a public commendation at work two days ago and i am still reeling from how awkward I felt so like. I get it)

"I wonder if you ever quit like you wanted, I bet you did" lmao no he fucking didn't. my man's lungs must be charred by this point. sending him that "why smoking's bad for you" book so he can break down in my arms zayn style

I can't imagine how insane it must've felt for T to hear no use I just love you. like if I were him (and knowing his insecure ass) I'd also wonder if she's just latching on to me bc I'm so close to her and convenient so hearing this song must've been like "ah. I've been an idiot"

god I wanna interview them on their ENTIRE relationship timeline i need to know what happened last night outside his house I need to know the whole breakup timeline I wanna know EVERYTHINGGGGGJLGHKLGKG

oh I forgot the full body cringe I get from "not just the friction of our skin" like those are my parents you're talking about

also pure love going "oh I have to open up huh" is HILARIOUS after FFV which is an entire album of H's deepest saddest most depressing thoughts and experiences like.... she opened up all right

the one thing that excites me deeply about fine print is the idea that if hayley releases another solo album she'll do a solo tour and I'll hear all of these live

I can't believe people heard taken and they STILL didn't catch on that she was with taylor. like maybe I am super biased but bro......... you have to be so fr

MIGHTVE TAKEN THIRTY YEARS BUT I WAS ALWAYS ON MY WAY TO HIMMMM AAAAAAAA

SUGAR ON THE RIM IS FOR THE GAYS AAAAAYEEEEEE

"do you taste the shame when you lick my wounds" is an insane lyric tho

god, sugar on the rim is the best PFA song and no one can tell me nothin

"I'm alive in spite of me" is also a beast of a lyric actually. that sugar on the rim > watch me while i bloom > crystal clear is also an insane 3 song run

hey remember how crystal clear is so important to hayley that she wrote a reference to it into liar

and it's important because taylor decided to surprise her with the single most romantic thing a person could do for another person

"I won't give into the fear" I'm gonna die perhaps

god hayley please keep the solo stuff coming please

AND NOW YOU'RE PUMPING AIR TO MY LUNGS THIS DONT FEEL ANYTHING LIKE SINKING IN FACT NO MATTER HOW DEEP I GO INTO YOU IT LOOKS LIKE THE WATER IS CRYSTAL CLEAR AAAAAA

god

also remember how hayley was like "stop. TAYLOR APPRECIATION TIME" on the US tour and did liar and crystal clear back to back? absurd

ffv always depresses me but crystal clear brings me back like ah yes. they're happy now. good for them

now I need to beat depression too. find the love of my life perhaps? Who knows

[eydi-andrius]

What He Wants (Aemond Targaryen x Strong!Reader)

WARNINGS: creepy behavior, cussing summary: The castle of Harrenhal has been your safe space after the tragedy that befallen you while traveling the foreign land. You survived being an almost bride of a dothraki warrior but not the gossip that you lost your honor during that unfortunate day. However, after the death of your father and older brother, you were tasked to continue serving the crown. And it seems like only the unfortunate keep following you around as you caught the eye of the Prince Aemond who was known to be cold and ambitious who traded his eye to tame his now dragon, Vhagar.

a/n: I originally uploaded this on my ao3. i decided to upload it here as compensation because im not feeling well lately and i am behind with my other story "don't get sad, get even". i hope you enjoy it.

not beta-read.

and i am busy with fixing my masterlist so i am really behind everything. yikes.

divider by @firefly-graphics

“Are you really sure you wanted to do this?” Larys squeezed your hand and asked you for the tenth time if you’re going to show your face now after years of being hidden and protected by your house.

A lady has no place for the council but your ability and prowess to economy and trade had been the foundation of Harrenhal. You have spent your years studying trade and made Harrenhal the center of trade with the foreign land on your own while most of your family members had gotten themselves in high positions within the court of the king. You always told yourself that it was your way of repaying your family for still giving you their name and trusting your words when you told them that your honor wasn’t soiled but you indeed killed men who tried to take it with brute force from you.

“I will be fine, brother. It’s been years and with the issues at court, I bet they won’t even remember me. It will be fine.” You squeezed his hand back as you smiled. Larys had been nothing but kind to you after what happened to your family. You two didn't talk much before because Larys was known to be very quiet and observant. But you guessed the accident strengthened your bond.

Larys signaled to the knight stationed by the door to introduce the two of you before entering. You flinched a little when the knight mentioned your title as the slayer bride of the dothraki. It’s been a while since you’ve heard that. No one in Harrenhal ever used that. Your father made sure not to remind you of the event that changed your life greatly and the reason why at your age you are still unwed.

With a shaky breath, you held your head high and walked proudly as you entered the great hall. Larys and you were invited to a party hosted by King Viserys. He claimed that this event is a celebration with his family while he is still well. The king has been suffering from a disease unknown even to the citadel. And maybe he wanted to have a one last feast with his family without hostility.

The place echoed with murmur and voices as you walked down the aisle. You swallowed the nervousness building at the pit of your stomach and continued walking with ease. You stopped in front of the king and bowed with practiced grace as you greeted him.

“Is it really you? You have grown such a fine lady. You were rather small the last time I saw you. Time sure flies fast when you’re getting old.” The King laughed with a bit of a cough. You gave him a small smile. He looks different than what you remembered. The rumors sure downplayed the disease the king was suffering from. As you greeted him this close, you can see that what he had is not some simple unknown disease. His skin looks decomposing as if something is slowly eating his flesh. Due to the years you haven’t seen him, you can’t even remember quite well what he originally looks like.

“You are far too kind, my king. The House Strong wishes you well and we’re grateful for extending your invitation to feast to our family.”

“Oh child! And still far too polite. Come on now! Sit down and let’s start the feast!”

You bowed one last time to King Viserys when you felt a shiver run down your spine. When you turned your head, you saw him. A man with long silver locks is staring straight right at you. He is wearing an eyepatch on his left eye. His one orb shares nothing of his intention nor interests. Despite the danger he was emitting, you can’t help but stare back at him.

“Sister.” You felt a tug on your arm and saw Larys on your side. You withdrew your eyes to the mysterious man as your brother led you both to your respective seats. But as he helped you with your chair, your eyes widened by what he whispered in your ear.

“Be warned, sister. The man you’re staring at is Prince Aemond. He doesn’t like people staring at him. He is known to be cold and quiet but rather ambitious. I advise you to stay out of his sight for your safety.” He squeezed your shoulders before sitting on his seat. You gave him a quick nod as you pretended to not notice the lilac gaze that is still pointed at your direction.

You’ve known Prince Aemond. Not much but enough that it reaches the dreadful walls of the castle. He was known to be the prince who exchanges his eye for the largest dragon, Vhagar.

The days were colder than usual so you understood when Larys decided to leave the feast to rest his legs. His legs tend to hurt much worse as the cold seeps through his bones. You wanted to retire to your room as well but you know that it is a common courtesy to stay, at least until the feast ends. 

As you were drinking your wine and listening to the chatter of the drunk guests, you were surprised when the Ladies Baela and Rhaena stood beside your seat and called your attention. “We’re glad to finally meet you Lady Strong.” Baela said after she introduced herself. She seems excited to see you which comes off as a bit of a surprise. You’ve known your reputation and their reactions were something you don’t expect to see from them. “The same with me, my ladies.”

There was a pregnant pause when the siblings just stared at each other as if communicating within their heads. Until, Baela decided to speak and you were a bit taken aback by her question. “Is it true though? That you were a captive as a dothraki bride but were able to save yourself by killing warriors? -” “Pardon?” “Ah! We don’t mean to offend you, my lady. But we wanted to hear the story from you. Your brave story-” “My brave story?” “Was well-known throughout the kingdom with bards singing prai-” A bit overwhelmed was an understatement as Lady Baela threw questions at you. You look to Rhaena for help but the twinkling in her eyes tells you that she’s also excited for you to answer. This type of attention is something you were not used to. Throughout the years of being alone and purposely isolated by peers your age has created these huge gaps with socialization. Your ability in the art of trade might be extraordinary but unfortunately, you were not gifted with normal interactions. This was the reason why whenever you do your trade your father or Larys stands with you. “I don’t think it is rather nice to overwhelm a lady who hasn't gotten out for years with questions she mostly wants to avoid, dear cousins.” A smooth baritone voice spoke behind you. You looked up and saw that he was standing right behind your chair with hands on his back staring at you and then back to his cousins. You inhaled sharply with the way he stares. Somehow, on a closer look, it seems much more intense. You saw a frown quickly plastered on the ladies' foreheads when Prince Aemond scolded them. Even without knowing much about the stories outside the walls of Harrenhal, you knew that if you don’t step forward to dissipate the three, a fight will break out. “It is alright, my lord. I am just a bit tired due to the alcohol on my system and journey on my way here. I’d love to tell you my story. Maybe on the morrow? This feast will last for a week and we’ll have all the time to talk and share our stories.” The frown left their faces almost immediately when the two looked back at you.

“Really, my lady!? Then, we’ll see you on the morrow then.” Baela smiled widely as if you had given her an answer she was waiting for her whole life. But the frown came back to their faces when they heard the Prince's voice again. “Well, you heard the Lady Strong. Now go. Stop pestering the lady. My father and your parents were all waiting for you in a private dining chamber.” He said as he motioned to the direction of the door. The two ladies just stared at him angrily but quickly gave you a smile and a happy “goodbye” and “see you tomorrow then” before they disappeared on the nearby door.

"I do believe that you owe me a dance after I saved you from being pestered by my cousins. Hmm." He said it like it was a statement not a request or a command. You stopped yourself from rolling your eyes and just stood elegantly from your chair.

"I don't think it was a situation worth saving me for, my lord." You replied as you stood your ground not wanting to accept the hand he put out in front of you.

It started out as a slow murmur until it became a chatter. That's when you become hyper aware of where you were. You completely forgot about the people because everyone seems to be focused on the royal family. But since they moved to another chamber for privacy, all the focus was on you again especially since a prince seems to be asking you for a dance. 

With eyes wide, you looked around and confirmed your situation. Everyone is indeed staring at you and the prince. Your breath comes in short gasps as you look around and count all the eyes focused on you. 

You heard his voice before you felt him. He's calling your name to focus on him. Both his hands are grasping your cheeks when he moved your face closer to him and called your name much firmly this time. “Breathe, my lady. Follow me.” You followed his command and breathed in and out the same way he does. Following him had calmed your nerves and even your breathing. Eyes closed you continue breathing to fully take control of yourself. You completely forgot where you were but quickly realized what was happening when one lady gasped in shock. The moment you opened your eyes, you saw how close he was. His forehead is almost brushing yours. Hands immediately grabbing his, you yanked them away from your face. 

"I don't think that was appropriate, my lord. You shouldn't have grabbed the face of an unwed lady especially when you’re unwed as well!" You reprimanded him in a hush tone to not let the outsiders hear what you were saying. He just replied with a soft hmmm and a tilt of his head.

Again, Prince Aemond presented his hand while keeping the other to his back.

"I do think this time you owe me a dance." Without much choice, you accepted his hand and danced with him. This seems to stop the staring as the music starts to play and more wine was poured to the cups of the guests.

But your concern now is not the people, it is the lilac eye staring right in front of you. Somehow it looks darker. There is something swirling behind which you can't pinpoint. It stirs something within you which is akin to worry. You’d lie if you claim it wasn’t fear. 

During the dance, all he did was stare. The whole time it was uncomfortable and it made you regret why you didn’t just excuse yourself with Larys earlier. You could have avoided this and enjoyed the soft bed which you missed a lot while traveling on a carriage. You were removed from your reverie when you heard his voice asking you a question. “Would you let this one-eyed prince know the truth about your story? Is it true or was it just an exaggeration?” “I cannot completely tell what you meant my lord when I personally don’t know what songs bards had sung on my name and what stories you’ve heard from your nurses.” You’ve heard him say hmmm again before continuing. “They said you cut off their cocks and presented them to their Khal as proof that you were not some lady to whom they can kidnap for their wife's hunt that easy.” “Heavens! That was the story you’ve heard? If I may recall, it was six years ago. How come a young prince was let to hear such grotesque stories from wandering bards?” Annoyingly, you asked the prince for confirmation. The King and Queen will not let that happen, right? You frowned when you saw that his mouth curved up with obvious amusement. “Let's just say that this prince did go out at night to check on the kingdom on his own when he was young.” You can’t help but sigh at his straightforward answer. Of course, no matter what status they have, men will be men. The musicians plucked the last string of the song and you promptly removed your hand from his hold but instead of letting go, the prince grabbed your hand, rather too tight, and forced you to move forward and get closer to him again. He looked down and made sure your faces were almost inches away from each other. You released a quiet whimper and felt your whole body shivered from fear. 

"They weren't lying when they claimed that the only reason why the court ladies had been bad mouthing your name was because your beauty outstands them all. I’ve never seen a golden skin as dewy as yours. How your wild curly black hair matches your bright brown eyes. Outside these walls, your name was well-known differently from what I’ve heard. And it always fascinates me. How come a lady like yours was hidden. It’s obviously not the question of your honor. If that was the case, the best for your family was to sell you to an old lord who wanted another cunt to fuck. But no, they kept you and treated you rather fairly. Protected and well-taught on top of that. Tell me, my lady. What is your family hiding from the walls outside the dreadful Harrenhal?” He spoke with pronounced curiosity and interest. 

You swallowed and tried to fight him to retrieve your hand. But he is much too strong for you. There is no excuse for what you did but your head is telling you to free yourself rather than care that a prince is holding you.So what you did is balled your hands and made sure your fingernails punctured his skin. His eyes wandered to the trickle of blood that came off from his wounds made by your fingernails. You used that moment to free yourself from his grip almost tumbling backwards in the process. From his wounds, he stared right up at you. 

“Be careful, my lady. As I am known as the prince who claims those he wasn't supposed to have.”

He used his thumb to gather the blood which came out of his skin and slowly wiped it on your face. As if nothing happened, he bid you farewell and excuse himself for another dinner he must be having.

You stilled and never in your life had fear gripped you this bad. When you killed the dothrakis, you were fueled with anger and hatred as you stabbed them to earn your freedom back. Maybe hiding inside the Harrenhal made you much more vulnerable than safe. He was just a young prince with no experience with real war but you knew it better than anyone. A man changes when they finally set their eyes to the ones they wanted to conquer the most. And for the one-eyed Prince Aemond, it is you. It is a wonder how come he wants you. But you know you put yourself in danger tonight.

You should have listened to your brother's warning. But no one will entirely blame it on you when all you did was be polite and entertain him for a bit. Who would have thought that by doing so, you were already signing up your fate to him. If your brother asked you again if you were really sure, you would probably say no and agree right away to go back to Harrenhal. You can’t help but foresee the disaster coming your way after years of trying to avoid one. What exactly have you done?

[9tzuyu]

dark red

request: hii i’m not sure if you’re accepting requests rn,,, if you aren’t i’m sorry please ignore this djfjdhd could you write a nat x reader based off the song dark red by steve lacy — specifically the lines “don’t you give me up / please don’t give up / only you, my girl / only you, babe” — kind of like the tiktok trend going on right now

note: anon im so sorry i really hope this was okay. i can try and rewrite it if you want though 😭 i kinda hate it but i hope its good enough for you :[

aLSO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE.

i proofread this as quick as i could so all mistakes are mine.

warnings: none, a little angsty, terrible writing.

🏷: @c-is-writing @wandaromanova @nermalina

. . .

everyone knew natasha to be a very self-assured woman. she knew everything about herself; what she liked and what she didn’t like, who she tolerated and who she trusted. her history with just about everyone she’s close with dates back years, sometimes decades. it was very rare that she met someone knew whom she gave her complete trust to. 

meeting you caught her by surprise, something that doesn’t happen to natasha very often. your presence was refreshing, authentic, new. it was the very thing natasha didn’t know she needed in her life.

natasha watched your every little movement any time you were around. you intrigued her, held her attention by the very strand of your hair. something about you was special and she couldn’t seem to get enough.

so she allowed herself to have you, to enjoy you, to be with you. over a year into the friendship, you suggested the idea of becoming something more than just platonic. you wanted a relationship with the woman.

natasha accepted your proposal with a bright smile and a gentle kiss on the lips. she’d been more than relieved you asked her because the false belief that she was undeserving trampled any courage she had. 

it was hard to know when something was truly bothering natasha, but sometimes you were able to see the light dull in her eyes, or the uncontrollable fidgeting she’d accidentally let slip. 

which is exactly what you were dealing with now. for the past few months you’d begun to notice a slight change in natasha’s demeanor. little by little she began to distance herself in ways she knew would be looked over, at least for a short amount of time. 

natasha started out small. rather than having her face meet yours, she’d turn her back against your front while you slept. she couldn’t bear to look at someone who deserved so much better than what she could ever offer. 

you meant the entire world to natasha, she would quite literally do anything to protect you. that being said, natasha felt the need to protect you from her. 

a couple of weeks after her initial push back, you noticed the way she’d flinch when you tried to hold her. it was almost invisible, but you knew natasha more intimately than anyone else ever had, which made it easier to recognize all the small things everyone else missed.

then you caught onto the fact that she started leaving the bed early in the morning, as if she was promising herself not to see you. natasha also started to work more. longer hours, nights she had to be away, and minimal effort to keep in touch kickstarted the fighting. 

just as everything else did, it started off on a smaller scale. you’d send texts clearly stating how upset you were by her choice of actions. natasha would always have some stupid excuse on hand as a response though.

things began to escalate when natasha willingly booked her days off into cheap motels that reeked of cigarettes. the redhead would often find herself sitting on the floor beside her bed, breath saturated in store-bought vodka. the russian felt cheap and disposable, just as she did when she was a kid being used by the hands of a man with no morals.

when natasha chose to go home she’d return with her hair knotted, tied loosely in a bun with an apology already made.

this went on for nearly two months before you’d finally decided enough was enough. you’d given her time, space, everything you thought might help, but she never made any attempt to reciprocate your efforts. 

so now you stood leaning against the wall across the living room, natasha anxiously settled on the couch directly in your line of view. your focus was solely on the spy. and despite her best efforts at trying to hide it, you could tell she was uncomfortable.

“i’m sorry...” she croaked, voice hoarse from her night full of crying. 

“i know you are.” 

natasha’s fingertips met the edges of her teeth, followed by the familiar sound of a snap. 

disgusting. natasha felt incredibly disgusting, which in turn made her own self-hatred rise to a level she’d never met before. because how could she? how could she sit here and make you suffer through her own self destruction? natasha knew she was causing you pain, a kind of pain you didn’t deserve.

“i wish you would talk to me and tell me what’s going on, nat. i can’t keep doing this with you and you know that.” you watched as she clenched her jaw, swallowing a breath as her leg bounced sporadically against the wooden floor. 

“i don’t deserve you. i don’t deserve you at all.” her eyes faltered.  

you bit your lip, not understanding where this was coming from. “what makes you say that?” 

“because it’s true.”

“there’s nothing true about that statement, natasha.”

“but there is!” she practically begged, “i’ve done so much wrong, damaged so many people, ruined so many lives. there’s nothing good about me, and there’s so much good in you.” 

you moved closer to her, words ready to fall from you lips about how wrong she was. noticing this, natasha began to trip and stumble upon her sentences as you enclosed your proximity. you frowned having not been used to seeing her in such distress. 

“it sucks because i love you. i love you so fucking much—” her lip began to quiver,  “—and i’m sorry. i’m so fucking sorry that i still selfishly need you. just please, please don’t you give me up. please don’t give up. i’ll be better, i’ll do better.”

you didn’t bother listening to the rest of what natahsa was saying because just as you’d previously stated, none of it was true. there was nothing that natasha could say that would change your mind. you knew her as the person she is, not the person she was. 

“nat? nat look at me.” you tried. 

it was only then when natasha noticed how close you were. she tried to pull away, but you were quick to stop her by by a small, fragile grasp of the wrist. 

“natasha.” 

the redhead stopped midway through her movement, green eyes trailing from your hand all the way up to meet your own. 

“yes?” her voice cracked. 

“i would never consider giving up on you, natasha. ever. don’t you know? it’s only you, my girl. i love you — only you, babe.” 

“yes, but-”

“but nothing. your past doesn’t define you. that’s what you’ve told me hundreds and hundreds of times, right? i need you to hear me out on this.” her hum was the only response you got, but you chose not to fight it.

“you are not the finished product they made you to be.” although hesitant, she nodded. “you’re good, natasha, you are. i know you’ve spent the last decade it seems, trying to make up for all the wrong that you’ve done, but at some point you have to forgive yourself. you were never at fault. i know you know that, but i need you to believe it.” 

you leaned closer, connecting your forehead with hers knowing how intimate that felt for natasha. “i don’t want anyone else. i only want you— only you, darling.”

natasha nudged her nose against yours as if she was asking for permission to kiss you, but you let her take the lead, let her take the time she needed to before she pressed her lips against yours. 

 “i love you more than you will ever know.”

you giggled into the kiss, “you’re wrong about that, natty. you know you are.” she rolled her eyes, pulling away from you to push you on your back.  

“shut up and let me appreciate you.”

you smirked, looking up at the redhead. “oh yeah? and how are you going to do that?”

“you’ll see.” 

“oh i’m sure i will.”

“yeah. you will.” 

[solarwonux]

10.  “I still remember the way you taste.”

31.  “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

villain!wonwoo x superhero!f!reader

w.c: 2.6k (it was mistake okay I got carried away we should know this by now)

warnings: fluff, talks of death, ghosts, torture if you squint, graveyards, digging up graves (don’t do that yall), angst a little, it’s hinted that the reader can communicate with ghosts. (if you’re uncomfortable with any of these themes this one is not for you)

note: I CAN EXPLAIN OKAY I KNOW YOU WANTED JOKER WONWOO BUT LIKE IT STARTED OFF THAT WAY AND THEN I GOT SOFT. Enjoy let know your thoughts please, they mean so much to me. 

Also i will answer asks at some point, school is just keeping me super busy, BUT IM NOT IGNORING THEM THEY MAKE ME SMILE EVERY TIME I SEE THEM.

masterlist || drabble game

Wonwoo wiped the sweat off of his brow with the back of his hand, panting slightly as he stared down at the empty grave. “Remind me again why we’re doing this?” Vernon asked, digging his shovel into the ground with the heel of his boot. He rested his forearm against the handle looking at Wonwoo through his sweaty bangs. 

“There is no reason, I was just bored.” Wonwoo shrugged, his cheeks were dusted with dirt and his white dress shirt was anything but white. The truth was he had a reason, he needed a way to meet you halfway and causing chaos was the only way to get you out of that shiny tower in the middle of the city where all the heroes resided. But his reasoning would never be voiced out loud, especially not to Vernon and so he lied like it was second nature to him. 

Wonwoo missed you, He missed getting under your skin with his snarky remarks and idiotic plans to take over the world. Or at least the city. The world was his end goal, but in order to do that he needed to succeed at taking over the city first and so far he had failed. Mainly, do to you and your teammates interrupting his plans. Though along the way something unexpected happened. He had undoubtedly fallen truly, madly, deeply in love with you. It had annoyed him at first, his mind was constantly enveloped with thoughts of you. Interrupting everything he spent years working on. 

It took him months to come to terms with his unwanted feelings and if he hadn’t snuck into the masked ball held every year at the tower; he probably wouldn’t have. But the second he saw you come down the grand staircase of the ballroom wearing a dress so blue, it put the night sky to shame; he kissed you before he could stop himself. Despite the mask he was wearing you had spotted him in the crowd and led him down an empty hallway when his urges got the best of him causing him to sin. When he pulled away he was shocked just as you were, but he was definitely floored when you had cut his apology short and kissed him again. 

“So you decided to dig up an empty grave for fun?” Vernon pushed his dirt stained hand through his hand, leaving behind little specks of dirt in its wake. “How did you even know this grave would be empty?” 

“It’s mine...well used to be mine. Obviously I’m not dead.” Wonwoo’s nonchalant tone sent shivers up Vernon’s back. Once again he found himself wondering why the hell he always found himself going along with Wonwoo’s schemes. He knew there was a reason. Wonwoo never did anything without calculating all his moves beforehand, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the true reason, more so if he was going to find out soon anyway. His suspicions were confirmed when he caught sight of you. He should’ve known that this was just another one of Wonwoo’s ways to get to you. 

Vernon didn’t understand your relationship with Wonwoo, scientifically it didn’t make sense. In simple terms Wonwoo was hated by everyone and you on the other hand were not. But the two of you had snuck around for years up until the accident five months ago. Ever since then Wonwoo’s spirits were low and he was going mad. If he wasn’t holed up in his tiny room at the apartment he was bent over a desk mumbling to himself, trying to come up with ways in which he could see you again. All of Wonwoo’s attempts before this one had failed and to say he wasn’t surprised to see you sit down, legs hanging over the edge of the grave while looking down at Wonwoo lovingly, he would be lying. Though, he supposed it had to do with the fact that Wonwoo’s grave was dug up. 

“You guys having fun there?” Wonwoo jumped. He rapidly smoothed down his shirt, leaving behind streaks of dirt, and fixed his hair before turning around. A smug smile adorning his features. Vernon shook his head and rolled his eyes. Sometimes he missed the days in which Wonwoo wasn’t in love. 

“Princess what brings you here?” He winked. His clammy hands grew more wet as he leaned against the shovel, before it failed underneath his weight causing him to trip. Seeing you again was like a breath of fresh air, the pictures he kept of you and looked at every night did you no justice. For you shined brighter than the stars in the night sky and it always made Wonwoo’s heart skip a beat. 

“Cut the shit Wonwoo, I know you’ve been turning this city upside down at least once a week to get under my skin.” 

“Well, what was I supposed to do? You haven’t been answering my calls, texts or emails.” Wonwoo threw his hands up in disbelief and you rolled your eyes at his ignorance. 

“Apologize, that’s all you had to do and you wouldn’t be here digging your own grave...literally.” You huffed crossing your arms in front of you, ripping your eyes away from his. Suddenly the memory of the accident came lingering back. You knew, given his nature, Wonwoo was calculated. He used his powers to affiliate pain on his victims without moving a muscle to get what he wanted. Though, he had never used it on you, until that night. 

He had been blinded by rage and pain and you had never seen him use so much power in your years of knowing him. It scared you and when you had tried to coax him out of whatever state he was in. He did the one thing he promised he would never do. 

He used his abilities on you. 

Wonwoo sighed before hosting himself out of the hole and taking the empty seat next you. “I wanted to do it in person, but you never showed up.” He looked down at his hands playing with his fingers, twirling the ring on his pinky. His body was consumed with guilt as your screams of agony replayed in his head. Just like they did every night. He had never once felt anything but satisfaction and bliss whenever he used his powers on someone. In fact he loved the way his victims begged him to stop, that was until you were on the receiving end of his torture. 

“You know where I live. It’s a big shiny tower in the center of town. Pretty hard to miss honestly.” The airy playfulness of your voice made his stomach swirl. He truly missed you and not just on nights when the two of you gently explored each other's bodies, but just in general. 

“I know but you know how much I hate the others, especially Joshua. He always has to stick his nose into matters that don’t concern him.” He huffed, flicking a tiny spec of dirt off of his trousers. “And I was scared.” He confessed lowly, shocking Vernon who had now taken it upon himself to sit on the soil filled ground to watch the spectacle in front of him. Wonwoo never admitted his fears and though Vernon sometimes could feel them radiating off him. It was different hearing it come from his friend's mouth. 

“Of Joshua? Dude’s only got super strength and-”

“No of you. I was scared to see you suffer and to turn me away. I was scared that if I did show up putting aside indifference for your friends just to hear you say that you didn’t love me anymore.” Wonwoo let out a deep sigh at the ending of his words. He dropped his shoulders feeling the weight being lifted off them. He felt your body shake next to him and it confused him greatly, even more so when it was followed by your laugh. Though he loved it and missed it greatly. He couldn’t deny the anger he felt towards you as you laughed at his vulnerability. 

Slowly, he felt his heart close up again and brought himself up to his feet faster than he could blink. His feet moved faster than the doubt racing through his veins and your laughter came to a stop. 

He now remembered why he swore to never love again all those years ago. 

“Wonwoo, wait come back.” You hurried to your feet, smoothing down the creases on your leggings. Vernon copied your movements. He could sense the fear coming from your body, and it overwhelmed his senses. Behind his soft eyes he quietly told you to hurry before Wonwoo did something he wasn’t supposed to. Even though Wonwoo always did without planning ahead of time, there were a few instances where he didn’t care and acted carelessly. And he found himself fearing more for your heart rather than his friend's safety. 

You sighed tugging on the sleeves of your sweatshirt before turning around and ran after the only man you had ever loved. You passed many tombstones, silently paying your respects until you stopped in the middle of a small clearing, home to one familiar tombstone and Wonwoo. His hands in his pocket, eyebrows furrowed and his teeth chewing down on his teeth. 

“After she died, I promised her I wouldn’t love anyone again.” He whispered, “but then you came along and ruined it.” He turned his head, his eyes glossy with wanted tears. “Do you know how much I beat myself up every day for what I did to her. For what I did to you. I hate myself for it, I hate that I can inflict pain on everyone else but myself because I’m not one that should be suffering, not everyone else.” 

By now he had finally let his tears go. They raced down his cheeks rapidly and it shattered your heart. 

“It hurts me that you think that way about yourself. She didn’t die because of you, you tried to save her and-”

“I was too late.” Wonwoo snorted and rolled his eyes. He stared intently at the tombstone in front of him, reading his little sister’s name over and over again, letting it burn feverishly inside his mind. He missed her dearly and sometimes he wondered why you never told him anything about the conversations you would have with her whenever she visited you. But you had told him that it was a family secret between the two of you and he never questioned you again because you had used the word family and it made him feel all giddy inside.

“Let me talk Wonwoo.” You said closing the gap between you and Wonwoo. You grabbed his face in your hands and wiped away his tears with the pad of your thumb. He had always been there to comfort you on your lowest days. His sweet words and warmth grounded you back onto the Earth, but you had never gotten the opportunity to do the same to him. He always kept himself closed off and reserved. It had taken almost a year into your secret, not so secret relationship for him to tell you about his sister’s unfortunate death and a few more months after that for him to say that he loved you. Despite all those small passing moments of vulnerability he had never once cried in front of you. 

“I love you and you’re stupid for thinking that I would love you any less because of what happ-”

“I hurt you though,” Wonwoo cut you off, earning a ground shattering glare from you that sent shivers up his spine. “Sorry you can continue.” He whispered. 

“Thank you.” You smirked and wrapped your arms around his neck, making him freeze. You were the strangest person he had ever had the pleasure in knowing because normal people would never be as comfortable as you were in his presence. “I know the kind of person you are Wonwoo, through this cold exterior there is the most loving and sensible person I have ever known. I mean, baby, you spent a whole day sulking because you forgot to water your plant.” 

“You gave me that plant for my birthday, therefore he’s our child.” 

“This is exactly my point, you have the biggest of anyone I have ever known. Unfortunately, you have been dealt a bad hand in life and I really don’t understand your obsession with taking over the world. But you’re not a monster.” 

“I hurt people though, sometimes for fun.” He whispered against your skin. In the midst of your speech he had given in and circled his arms around your waist before burying his face into the crook of your neck. Leaving the two of you in an awkward and uncomfortable position. 

“And who are those people?”

“Bad people.”

“Exactly baby, they’re the scum of the Earth and you have helped stop them.” 

“Okay, but that doesn’t make me a hero. I’m just doing what you guys can’t do. On top of that Joshua’s super strength is useless, he only gets praised because he’s hot.” Wonwoo finished and raised his head, smirking. He sent you a playful wink, tears long forgotten, causing you to roll your eyes. 

“Mingyu takes forever to get ready, but that’s besides the point. You’re not a monster so stop treating yourself like one.” 

“Does that mean you forgive me?” He pouted batting his eyelashes at you. 

“Yes you big idiot.” 

“Then...why haven’t you kissed me yet?” He puckered his lips and made kissing noises, making you laugh. “Hey I’m waiting and you know I’m impatient.” He spoke through pouted lips as he leaned in closer, his lips hovered over yours teasingly until you finally caved and kissed him. He sighed happily against your mouth and deepened the kiss. He had spent five months without the feeling of your touch and it scared him that he would forget how it felt. Yet, now as he kissed you with everything in him he realized he hadn’t and it overjoyed him to the point in which he accidentally let out a moan; making you pull away quickly and eyeing him down. 

“Control yourself, your sister, her friends and Vernon are here.” You scolded making him pout. 

“I’m sorry, i just...I still remember the way you taste, and I got excited.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Before he could plant his lips on yours again he was met with your hand pushing him away. He whined as you tore his arms away from your waist, his body growing cold. “Nooo, one more kiss.” He reached out making grabby hands at you like a child. Instead of giving into what he wanted you turned and started walking away, “Wait, where are you going?” He stumbled against his own feet before following you. 

“Home.” You looked over at him and stuffed your hands into the front pocket of your hoodie. “You have a grave to cover up with Vernon.” 

“But I haven’t seen you in five months, just give me five more minutes please.” 

“Wonwoo you just didn’t look hard enough baby.” You said giving him a knowing smirk before leaning over, giving him a chaste kiss on his cheek. He felt his eyes grow in realization as everything started to click in his head. If what you had hinted was the truth and you had shown up to every single sight he had caused trouble in, then he had to give it to you. You were a lot more clever than you led on. “Don’t think about it too hard, I’ll leave my window open for you.” You smiled widely giving his cheek a pat and disappeared through the trees. 

“You live on the twenty fourth floor.” He yelled after you, his hands falling down at his side in defeat. He heard someone snort next to him and suddenly he remembered that Vernon was there silently observing everything, just like always did. 

“Figure it out baby, you always do.”

[mxvladdy]

Diavolo- True Form

Whoooooooo weeeee! ‘Pologies for the wait on these longer posts. I’ve been hit with a one two punch of house emergencies and sudden costly ass repairs, so my creative juices have been rightly squashed as of late.

Plus side I got my drawing tablet and drafting table back so I can neaten up my blog lay out now (yay!) 

Anyway this one was a challenge in the best possible ways. I really like Diavolo because of how little we know about him so it gave me some wiggle room. Or at least what I know of him- im only on like chapter 23 of the stories. Idk if I did him justice as this is angsty af but I sure had a blast writing it!

Hope ya like! Next up: Beelzebub 

Trigger warning: Mention of blood, and swearing. 

Diavolo-

He'll never show you, so don't ask. His true form is god-like in its own right and such knowledge, such truly raw demonic power in its natural form is not for your mortal eyes.

No matter what your lineage, it would break you. And despite his roles and being the literal devil, he doesn’t want you suffering.

Sometimes when he thinks you wouldn't notice he relaxes his hold on reality, just a fraction. He wants to relieve some of the tension that is always building just below the surface. Like closing your eyes when you have a tension headache. The mental energy he has to exert to keep face is enormous. Regular glamour doesn’t work nearly as well as his own, or Barbato’s magic.

But you see hints during your downtime spent in his company. A ripple in his reflection on the window pane. Unexplainable shadows dancing across his exposed skin. Too many teeth in his mouth when he laughs. Sometimes when you stare into his eyes you see something indescribable staring back behind them. His usually warm and inviting gaze darkening. A barest flicker, a hulking bestial thing kept locked behind in his golden gaze. It's enough to freeze the blood in your veins.

On certain nights when you can slip away from the brothers you stay in his room. Lying  awake, you watch his magic wane and shift as he slumbers. Sometimes you see runes, or at times letters. You are tempted to write them down and ask Solomon. But something stops you each time.

The worst images are the faces. Unknown souls trapped beneath his flesh clawing to be freed. Silent screams fading back into his body as he dreams. Your fragile fingers trace the patterns they leave as you wait for the next day wrapped in his embrace.

Only once have you seen more of his form then he would ever wish. The depths of his strength and mental fortitude were unknown to you so the slip up took you both by surprise. He masks the error well, but the sudden shift in energy in the room couldn’t be suppressed .

You are suddenly so aware of the oppressive weight of gravity on your frame. Your bones grinding together under the force of his aura. You panic, desperate by the need to breathe, but are unable to draw even the smallest bit of oxygen as it is robbed from the room. Time and reality wrapped too, distorting in ways only you thought only Barbatos could do. You knew in that moment the sudden dread of death, how mortally was but a rusty shackle tethering you down.

He collects himself, dispelling the energy and locking his glamour down tight to protect you. But that split second of fury felt like an eternity to you as you sink to the floor. You hiccup a shaky sob and shiver. Your fragile human mind bowing under the strain of what it cannot comprehend. Scolding hot tears fall from your cheeks, before splashing crimson the stone below you.

You didn't approach him again for over a month. No matter how strong you are, some things were better off unseen.

Mini Fic

He didn’t know. For once in his ancient pitiful existence, he had been unaware of his surroundings. It had been for just a moment, one tiny crack in his veneer. The foolishness of Mammon and Belphegor’s actions finally poked the right nerve. He wouldn’t hurt them, for Lucifer’s sake. That prideful demon would never forgive him if he did. But he could scare them. A quick look at his true self; a flash of the deepest bowels of hell. Enough to give them a reminder of their positions and standing in his court. He had expected their whimpers of fear, could taste the acidic tinge of it exuding from their pores. What he didn’t expect though was your blood curdling screams alongside.

Ironically, he would have to thank the second eldest later. His fast thinking is the only thing that saved you from complete damnation. His body shielded yours, taking the brunt of the stronger daemons hellish might for you. What little magic Mammon still had left used to protect you. Though, while your vision was blocked, you could still feel his oppressive presence. It racked your mortal flesh. Diavolo knew what affects his power had on humans. He spent years breaking and consuming damned souls with zeal after all.

The brothers had run from him after that, screaming for Simone. Barbatos following close behind, a look of consternation on his usually impassive face. You had been so limp in Mammon's arms. Diavolo could do nothing, shocked by his own weak will and realization that he might have ruined everything. You had been whisked away so quickly by his faithful servant and the brothers that he hadn’t had a chance to look you over himself. But the brief moment he saw will haunt him for years to come. Your eyes red from the sudden haemolacria, the blood staining your clothes and face. Your fingers digging away at your soft skin, black and purple blotches staining what he could see. Mouth opened wide on a silent scream. He knew what you must have seen. The souls of the damned trapped under his glamour breaking free to latch on to your unmarred soul trying to drag you back with them.

Against his butler's advice he stands at your door now days later trying to see you. He couldn’t sit around and just hear updates second hand. The brothers had been keeping guard most days in a valiant attempt to keep him away. But he could only be waylaid for so long before he used his rank against them.

He had arranged a full council meeting. Every one of the brothers knowing full well it was to get them out of his way. Yet, the order was absolute. This time none of the brothers could reject it. Barbatos would keep them in that room for eternity if he so wished for it. He hated using his age and power against them, but he saw no other way to get to you.

It was foolish now, standing as he was in front of your door. A part of him hoping you would turn the knob and let him in. Let him comfort you for once, instead of the asinine distractions the brothers offered. He could help too. Hells, he wanted to. He wanted to be closer to you. Power discrepancy be damned. The other part of him knowing it was for the best that you didn’t. Your guardian and tormentor all in one. He listens to your muffled sobs for a moment fighting with his feet to stay cemented to the floor instead of heading back in defeat.  

"When my father was still around he took me down to the deepest depths of the kingdom. Where the worst of the traitors and sinners are imprisoned." His deep baritone rumbles through your door during a break in your crying. "It’s a place few seldom go; even now I have yet to return. Back then he told me ‘there will never be a human soul that is undeserving of punishment. Even the ones destined for the celestial realm are tethered to sin.’ At that time I believed him. The things I saw in your realm... " The prince chuckles wearily.

He remembers the ever present scowl on the old King's face. His dark eyes looking out at the sea of damned souls he controlled. Even as a young daemon, fresh into his wings and still sharpening his horns to impress others he could tell how much his father detested his position. How it had warped him, turning him bitter and cold, even to his mate and only child.

Diavolo never wanted to be like that. Not to the ones he supposedly cared for at the very least. "I think that is why he hated the other realms so much.” He continued. “Humans, for their ability to choose which realm they would eventually end up in after they pass. That even the worst sinners could find redemption enough at the last moment to get to the pearly gates. While daemons, no matter how well they served, or the duties they did for the good of their own would never be seen as equals to our celestial counterparts or yours. That this existence is all we'll ever be destined to have. Nightmares and monsters, stories to tell little human children to keep them in line.” He pauses, collecting himself. “I believed wholeheartedly that every human deserved the punishments only my kind could dowel out. But, in this past year I have spent with you, I find myself changing. You are so undeserving of such torment. Somehow you are understanding and forgiving beyond measure to us. You handle our ill tempers with such grace. For daemons such as us, it is staggering, and humbling. I regret that I have hurt you so deeply and have broken your trust. I swear it as the head of this realm I would never intentionally do so." He looks at the door handle willing it to open. " I am so sorry."

Your crying picks up again. Huge heaving sobs that rattle your chest. Great Father, he just keeps making it worse. Clearing his head Diavolo turns.

Rejection of this nature was new to him. No one had ever dared to ignore him, especially such as this. The royal in him- his father's blood- seethed that he would even stoop so low as to grovel to a short lived thing like yourself. Even deeper yet, it demanded another taste of your essences. You little soul kept safe behind your rib cage. He wanted it added to his collection, kept tucked away deep within his maws.

It was sick; it was wrong. He chokes on the idea. The intrusive thought burrowing deep. How deplorable was he? Perhaps the angels were right to keep him out of heaven.

You didn't show to class the following day, or the days after. Unsurprising to him and the seven of the inner council. He figured the other day wouldn’t change anything. But it was utter agony to him. These days trapped in his office only getting short and curt updates on your health from Lucifer. It had been a special kind of torment.

Today he sat once again at his desk staring at some godforsaken bitching of a royal cousin. He knew this whelp. Some backwater thrice removed eons ago. Yet he was demanding an audience? The gall. The ink of their eligible handwriting makes him cross eyed. Would this day ever cease? He looks to his hourglass, the sands within seemingly frozen in time.

"My Lord, perhaps you should take a moment to stretch your legs?" Barbatos moved from his corner. Gloved hand coming to rest on top of the same three lines he had been reading for the past two hours. "This work could wait another evening I’m certain ."

"Did I do the right thing my friend?" Diavolo doesn't even bother answering the question his servant posed. They both knew he wouldn't. "This program. Our human exchange students. Solomon is one thing, but-"

"Your will and path is absolute." Barbatos states. "There are no mistakes within you, merely stumblings onto different paths."

With a gentle push Barbatos moves the hulking demon out of his way to collect and organize the scrolls and letters scattered about the large desk. "You made the right choice bringing them here. Look at what they have done. They are entertainment to you are they not?"

The prince rose knocking his desk aside and descended on his butler. His true form out in all its unholy glory now. His highly condensed magic distorting the study as if he was a black hole. The axis of the room shifts. His priceless collection of books and toys disintegrating from the cold radiation he emits.

It was all for show really. There was nothing he could do to an ancient being such as Barbatos. So he lashed out, throwing a tantrum in the security of his office. The hopeless agitation he felt fueling the flames of his rage. His butler had only added holy water to his already festering wounds.

Barbatos had been by his side for time in memoriam. The crafty bastard had helped raise him. Had shaped him into the ruler he was today. If anyone could break and remold him it would be his oldest companion.

The dark haired daemon waited for the waves of agitation to dry up. Moving only when the prince was in his more presentable demonic form. Large barrel chest heaving as he reined himself in. “Are you back to your senses?” He asks coolly, already categorizing the items to replace and furniture to be mended.

"I had not meant for it to go like this."  Diavolo croaks into his hands collapsing back on what remained of his desk. Building a bridge between realms, yes. That noble idea was the greater purpose of this program, but the rest of it. The classes, and dances. The parties where he threw his newest toys about to see how they would react to things other mortals worshiped? That had been for his own curiosity and amusement. Lesser beings navigating a foreign world blind to the dangers that were right under their very nose. Bring a mortal with no magic into his realm? Deep down he knew this was an inevitability. Especially with the freedoms he granted them. He just didn’t think he would get so attached.

“No one believes that you would hurt them on purpose.” His butler cuts off his downward spiral. “It would ruin the program. That is what you are so stressed about, right?” Barbatos eyes him skeptically. Diavolo, himself, and Lucifer had spent many sleepless weeks constructing and negotiating this program. If the Arch Angels heard a mortal was hurt down here it could very well end this little escapade. But the look in the prince’s eyes told a different story.

A warm glow emanated from his cheeks and he was unable to meet the old daemon’s gaze. Ah. "Or perhaps things have changed?" Barbatos smiles coyly up from beneath his bangs. "You are your mother's son after all. Neither of you were ever able to stem your bleeding hearts for long." Diavolo squawked indignantly but didn’t argue. Instead he merely turns a darker shade of red and curses under his breath.

He skipped out on court that evening. Not that he cared much. The other nobles would no doubt use the time to gossip about his whereabouts and uncouth behavior of late. Truth be told, he was avoiding the brothers more than anything else. They had made it expressly clear (some more then others) how they felt about him currently. He wouldn't doubt that Belphegor had a few more brothers on his side now.

Instead he stood at your door once more with a tea tray in hand. He had bumped into Simone on the way. The angel had come to bring you dinner and to check up on the last of your wounds. Celestial magic worked miracles on those who have been touched by the darker arts. Diavolo was grateful for his talents. And, by some miracle, Simone had made it abundantly clear he was not going to bring this to the higher ups on his end either.

Upon seeing the prince slinking up the house's stairwell the other man had simply smiled and offered him the tray. “I suddenly got a message from Luke. Could you perhaps drop this by our friend’s door?” Diavolo had accepted without preamble, large hands dwarfing the platter of little tea cakes and sandwiches. The young cherubs work no doubt. His cooking was a fine treat, and a great incentive to at least open the door.

“Hello again.” He knocks twice. “I just wanted to check in on you. I know I am the last person you wish to see but I was hoping to talk?” Silence greets him. Were you awake? He breathes deeply and focuses on picking up your vitals. You were up, your heart thumping steady somewhere in the room. That was good. “I also have dinner for you. Simone had an urgent matter to attend to so he- for better or worse- entrusted this to me.”

Diavolo searches hopelessly for something else to say. He couldn’t just leave the food and go. He needed to see you. “I don’t plan on staying long today. I understand when I am not wanted, but I cannot help myself but be worried for you. Perhaps this is just me contritioning, because I know I caused this. The amount of times I have been called a ‘ass’ by Solomon over this have been staggering.” He rambles. After another bout of silence from your end he coincides. “I see- I will leave the food by the door and let you rest.” Defeated he puts the food down and turns to leave.

The door clicks open slowly. One bloodshot eye peeking through the crack. “Oh mio piccolo mortale.” He loses his grip on your shared tongue at a loss. You looked- you must have been in the hall longer then he or the brothers had known. Such damage couldn’t be done in a few moments. Your skin was healing as nicely as Lucifer had said, but the deep purple scarring still remained on the surface. The burn pattern of it all was random. Twisting wounds that reflected an oily sheen from the light of the hallway. “I-.”

“I know-” You cut him off with a raised hand. “and I feel as though I owe you an apology too.” Your voice was so weak and shaky. A mockery of your normally strong and jovial tone. Hearing you laugh at school had brightened the dreary halls. He hadn’t realized it until you weren't there.

“You owe me nothing.” Diavolo says in earnest. He watches you contemplate your next words before throwing whatever you were going to say away.

“Would you like to come in?” Your eyes drop to the tray. “Luke always makes more than I can eat.”

“I don’t think that would be wise.” He backs out. All his plans crashing and burning around his feet. His actions had been irreparable.

“Perhaps not,” You open the door wider taking the tray and heading to your side table, leaving him no room to argue. “But then again, being a lamb among such wolves as yourself and the brothers isn’t smart either.” You meant it as a joke but he couldn’t even muster a chuckle. It was true. Gods. “Dia-” You approach him again but falter at the last second.

As much as you wanted to be close to him again the memories were still so fresh in your mind. The cold hell fire of his magic ensnaring you, searing your skin. The whispered words of sinners long since past still echoing in your head, all in languages you’ve never heard before. The worst though had to be the screaming. Lost souls begging for help. Some sounded so familiar…You shutter involuntarily.

You wanted to hate him for this. Curse him for putting you through this pain. But how much could you blame him? Or any of them? They were daemons. Whether he meant to hurt you or not, it truly had only been a matter of time before it happened. It would be hypocritical of you to fear or hate him forever over this. Six of the seven brothers have threatened your life before, and you have forgiven them. Hell, one of them actually killed you. What’s more was that Diavolo’s wrath hadn’t even been directed at you.

Wrong place at the right time; seemed to be your forte. “Please, come in.” You repeat again firmer than before mustering up either courage or sheer human stupidity to order him in. You couldn’t tell the difference anymore. “We need to talk.”  

He enters, following at your heel like a lost puppy. All air of princedom gone as you clicked the door shut. Diavolo fiddles with his hands, old habits from childhood coming with his nerves. He didn’t know what to expect anymore. Yelling? Some kind of beratement? A plea to go home and never look back?  He would let you.

You pass by him, giving him a large berth of space to get to your seat. “Tea?”  

Diavolo jerks his head to you. He had forgotten momentarily the plate of food he had used to get access to you. You smile sheepishly pushing it and a plate of sweets towards him with your unbandaged knuckles. He doesn’t move till your hand retracts back to your lap. You jerk your head to the open seat waiting for him. You weren’t going to take no for an answer.

“I- thank you.” The daemon sits making himself as small as possible in the straight back chair. He takes the porcelain and drinks mindlessly. The scalding hot tea doing little to help the tightness of his throat, but it did thaw some of the ice in his mind.

“Are-how…” He fumbles so unsure of what to do next. “I see you’ve been keeping up with your school work.” Diavolo closes his eyes, wincing internally at his words. That’s what he comes up with? Idiotic.

You smile anyway, eyeing the massive pile of books and paperwork spewn about your bed. “Yeah. I’ve taken to doing my school work with Levi in his room. Mammon and Beel are nice enough to drop it off to the teachers when they are due.” He nods. He knew this of course. But it was nice to hear it from you. But yet, you don’t meet his eyes. Far too afraid to see what hid behind them.

The thought of being dragged back into those dark depths again makes your pulse quicken. You instead stare at your nail beds, finding them more interesting. They were purple now. The nails stained black by the contact with his magic. “Will- will that go away?” He asks. Demonic curses or taints were nigh impossible to remove fully. Disgustingly, he hoped they didn’t. Then your nails would match his. The darker depths of his soul coo at the idea, happy that in a small way every daemon would know your his. Not as good as a pact, but as close as he could get to being a part of your little mortal life.

“I’m not sure.” You reply honestly bringing your hands up to place them on the table. “Simone and Solomon have done what they could. But, it is as good as it’s going to get for now. They say it could fade with time.” You look up at him, eyes gazing to the left of his face. “Luke thinks I should see a stronger angel.” Diavolo winces, the thought stung, and terrified him. “I told him no.”

That surprised him. This was your chance. The celestial realm had been skeptical from the beginning. If they knew, it would be a perfect caveat for them to step in. “Why?” Finally you look at him. The fear was still there. Hesitation evident in your eyes. Yet you forced yourself to look at him, fighting through your trepidation.

“Did you mean what you said earlier? About your father and what you think of me?”

“Of course.” He replies without hesitation reaching for your cold hands. You flinch but don’t move away. It felt-nice. His warmth chasing away the perpetual chill that covered your fingertips. Idly you stroke his strong hands with your thumbs.

“Then, I think we can work on this privately.” Slowly but surely you felt like you could fix this. Not for the program, but for yourself.  

[sweetesthaaze]

https://worldface.uk/season-2-of-bridgerton-has-a-big-problem-with-penelope/

I know that Penelope is a beloved character in the bridgerton series, but in the article, the author points out how the show bumbled her story to almost make her unlikable. I used to like Penelope and now Im not a big fan. I thought this article pointed out a real big issue with Penelope's character in that she refuses to be seen as nothing but a victim and her OWN actions make her look as bad as her evil family. Most people will defend her, but I thought Penelope's actions were awful and made her a horrible person. There are many people who say that because she is a teenager she handles the situations like Mariana poorly because well she is being backed into a corner and she is a teenager and she did try to tell Colin, but he ignored her so then the next logical step is to post it on a gossip phamplet for EVERYONE to see....like I'm seriously confused how she is not considered a villian?!? I am definitely not ready for S3 to be all about Penelope and Colin because I feel like their story is so weak and filmsy. I hope that S3 is about Benedict and Sophie, but Shondaland has said that they won't be following the books and with the whole issue with Penelope fighting with Eloise and her overhearing Colin's remarks, I am so worried that is the next storyline... I mean I struggle to like Eloise most of the time and find her selfish and always complaining, but to be honest I find her less deplorable than Penelope. But I definitely think Shondaland is going to have an interesting time trying to find a way in the upcoming season to give Penelope's redemption arch and make Lady Whistledown less deplorable..so I guess we'll see.

This sat in the inbox for a bit and I'm so sorry! But this is a great article anon, thanks for shooting it my way! They make so many great points about Penelope as LW and I have ALWAYS said that revealing pen as LW in the first season was a HUGE mistake.

How on earth are people justifying Penelope's actions, simply because she was a teenager? I don't care how old you are, shitty actions are shitty actions. Also Penelope wasn't some little 13 year old (still would be bad), she was 17 in s1 and 18 in s2. She's more than capable of knowing right from wrong. If Penelope had at the very least felt some sort of remorse for what she did to Marina and spent season 2 trying to make amends or something, she would be easier to stomach as a character. But she didn't. She felt literally no remorse at all.

She only felt bad when Colin brought up to her that perhaps LW shouldn't have done that to Marina. She has absolutely no moral compass and does whatever she wants (usually in regards to what she thinks will "help" Colin) and does not care who it hurts.

In the book, I would say that pen/LW served as an antagonist or even just as a plot device to move stories along. Show!pen/LW is an actual villain and I will literally not listen to anyone who says otherwise. Supporting Pen is straight up red flag.

s3 will absolutely suffer with underdeveloped leads, Colin being a side character in his own romance, and Pen still never getting any consequences for her own actions. Eloise went straight up to my top 5 faves for the way she put Pen in her place. It was glorious and I would like for her to do it again because apparently Pen did not learn her lesson.

[woodfrogs]

spending the past 3 months analyzing a character that was dead when i got into dsmp has payed off lets goooo

this got long so im putting it under a readmore

/rp

c!Wilbur is incredibly depressed and self-deprecating, and has been for pretty much the entire plot, so it’s not surprising it’s gotten even worse after ~9 years alone in an empty void with only a man he hates for company. He obviously thinks it’d be better off had he never existed, “the server would’ve been better off without us,” and he’s still extremely suicidal. He doesn’t want to come back, because he thinks everyone’s better off without him.

And he tried to wipe every trace of his existence away before dying. His one goal in the last few months of his life was to destroy his country, and he fully intended on going down with it. He only ever lashed out at himself, and L’Manberg. Other than that, I can think of the pit scene, which I always saw as a manic break where he was completely out of his right mind after the stress of the Festival, killing Jack Manifold on the 16th, and the whole Fundy-spy thing. He saw both of them as traitors, (we can’t forget about his paranoia,) and Fundy was his son, a part of him he had to distance from himself to avoid hurting him.

One thing that’s changed is the way he treats Tommy. In Pogtopia, he seemed convinced that Tommy would come to see he’s doing the right thing. He’d try and convince Tommy of his perspective on things, and in turn he’d listen back in his moments of lucidity (October 17th comes to mind). Wilbur wasn’t even completely convinced of his own plan on the day of the Festival, as he left the call to Tubbo. Tommy also used to be innocent, in his eyes. Wilbur was fully ready to take all the blame for blowing up L’Manberg, and refused to do it when Tommy threatened to take himself down with it. Again, he was only willing to hurt himself.

Now, Wilbur’s convinced he’s right. He’s convinced he’s evil, and has always been this way, and everything he’s ever done was bad. He completely ignored every complaint Tommy had today. He’s done listening to others. He also seems to think Tommy was complicit in causing the problems of the server. Even though Wilbur’s the one who first suggested emancipation and Tommy just went along with it - he blames Tommy too. Before, Tommy was innocent. Now, he’s as bad as Wilbur himself. What happened? He’s happy that Tommy died - was he just lonely? Or does he believe he can convince him of his points, that he’s irredeemably evil? Does he think he can make Tommy believe they're better off dead?

Wilbur tends to view his life as a story. Other characters draw parallels, and so does he (Ozymandias speech my beloved) but he also uses narrative tools to describe the situations around him. His Chekhov’s gun, referring to Tommy as the protagonist, even declaring himself the villain. And unlike the parallels drawn by others, once he decides that’s the way the narrative is, he follows through with it. He didn’t have to blow up L’Manberg, but because of his Chekhov’s gun and the narrative satisfaction it would bring, he did. He didn’t have to become the villain when the story in his mind painted him as one, but he did. And now he’s spent a decade stuck in his own mind, convinced he’s evil, and so he’s dedicated to filling out that narrative role. “I know the way I am.” He believes he can only cause pain, destruction, and suffering because he’s the villain.

He doesn’t want to come back to life, I don’t think. He didn’t on January 20th, and honestly, all the threats of what he would do if he gets revived feel like just that - threats, to keep him dead. Yes, he will probably be bad when he comes back, but he’s being open about it to try and stay dead. Wilbur hides his pain behind facades, rarely being openly self-depracating. When he was President, he was the well put-together leader. In Pogtopia, he hid it behind his anger and destruction. Now, he’s sheltering himself behind the fact he’s evil, so he doesn’t get brought back. He doesn’t believe anyone does or should want him alive again. He was surprised in the s2 finale when Tommy said they wanted him back, and now he’s trying to convince him otherwise.

The only way I could see a redemption happening is if he stops viewing himself as the villain, but for that he’d have to stop viewing life as a story. He’s done too much bad and is too entrenched in his self-given role for him to simply change. But even then, he’d still be deeply depressed and have driven away everyone around him.

And now he has access to insane information like the end of the Universe? What was Tommy going to ask him before he brought out that tidbit? Does he have access to the script? That would be a cool meta way to bring the plot and a neat reference to cc!Wilbur having been the writer both in s1 and s3. It’d also tie into his worldview, the way everything’s a story - because it literally is, and now he knows it. I’d love him to be nihilistically resigned to being the bad guy, since it’s fated to be that way.

[remsmoonlight]

— title : calming the waters

— word count : 2.3 k words

— pairing : rick grimes x reader

— summary : the switch from surviving on the road to living in a cookie cut neighbourhood hasn’t been easy on anyone, especially the leader of your group, you leave it to yourself to remind him it’s not all on his shoulders

— warnings : only brief descriptions of blood and violence .. usual stuff for twd

note: only at the end did i realise i left the opportunity for smut but im too tired to continue damn

Life in Alexandria has so far been strange to adjust to, you continue to find yourself waking up regularly through the night. Your body has relied so long on a broken sleep cycle it simply cannot switch off the switch as easily as you wish for it, and wish for it you do every night before bed. However, life refuses to heed to your desires, preferring to disregard them completely. Your family finds it amusing to tease you about the dark circles under your eyes, that is after you have had anything with caffeine in to rattle your system into a state of alertness.

How the residents have made it this far agitates you to no end, while you and your family have suffered tragedy and loss at the hands of people like the Governor, to the people at Terminus while they sat sheltered and safe from the horrors of this new world crawls under your skin. The thought scratching inside of you, they’ve never known pain as you have, the realisation comes as one of the sons of the Monroe family accosted you the moment you set out of the door.

“ ⏤ she keeps going on about this pasta maker. I’m telling you, she never stops. “

“ she never stops, huh? “ you ask, placing yourself on the porch step with your head lazily resting in your hands. You felt as soon as he began speaking to you it was going to be a conversation you would not be interested in.

The you from twenty five minutes ago happens to be correct.

This all began because Rick thought it appropriate to let you sleep a while longer, and while you do feel more rested than you have in the longest time you can remember, you can feel irritation tickling the back of your neck intensely. Oh, I’m going to kill him when I see him. A silent thought interrupts you rudely, you almost shake your head to be rid of it and focus back on Spencer.

“ yeah, she’s not someone you wanna be caught right now by. She can talk your ears off for days. “ he informs with a chuckle, completely unaware of your blasé attitude or uncaring for it.

“ you know, I can really imagine that. “

Every inch of you is buzzing with an uncomfortable energy, you don’t want to integrate with their community just yet, preferring to feel around and understand the dynamics of how everything works. When society fell into the flames from humanity’s last fight with the walkers, you were lucky enough to have been able to seek safety with your group back in Atlanta at the quarry, and these have been the same people you have spent time with, shared your meals with, everything done has been with them. Quiet town life has been a memory of a past life that has faded into nothing more than a grey blur, shrouded in fog. To live here? It’s like learning how to ride a bicycle after many years of letting it gather dust. Your ways are not perfect, but they’re perfect for you. For your own pace and peace of mind.

“ has my mom given you a job yet? “

“ uh, yeah actually she has. I used to be a preschool teacher before everything went to hell. “ you explain to him, your memories of the children you used to teach had been painful until Judith. The little girl had been what you needed to confront your past that you had been so quick to push away in order to survive. You can’t count how many times you’d come close to thinking about their little faces, and if they’d survived the initial chaos, refusing to even put a face to a possible death. You’d spent many days and many hours getting to know their audacious and bold personalities, it cut you deep to even imagine the days they were supposed to have, the lives they should have been promised extinguished so prematurely as if they had been no more than a flame of a candle burning in the night.

“ well, those classes are really small. You won’t have your hands full. I suppose you’ll probably be helping with the afternoon classes, we’ve got more teenagers here. “

“ mhm, I thought as much. “ your words are a small acknowledgement, though it deterred him little.

Spencer keeps talking and talking, every once in a while you mutter an ‘ yeah ‘ or an ‘ mhm ‘ and even at points humming in response. It’s obvious he means well and is trying to get to know you all but it’s just a simple clash of cultures, it’s why you’re unable to cut the conversation short so rudely. Even during the apocalypse being respectful hasn’t been wiped away.

Yet.

“ hi, Spencer! “ the sugary sweet tone of Carol interrupted the interaction as she greets Spencer and yourself, the broad smile ignites her features.

Although, you know her better to know this is not one born of genuine emotion to see the man.

“ I was hoping to borrow my friend here. Rick’s looking for them. “

Recognition lights his features up, his eyes widen in understanding her words. Never have you been more thankful for the older woman than currently, if there’s one thing Carol can be, is a miracle maker. Spencer backs away with little to say, bidding a goodbye to both of you.

“ Carol, thank you. “ you breathe, your hands move up to scratch your scalp as tension eased away into the open air. “ I thought he was never going to leave. “

“ yeah, I thought you were in trouble. I thought you were ready to kill him. “

“ believe me, if he spoke for two more minutes I was coming close to getting very creative with one of those blunt dinner knives in there. “ you speak, a short giggle plummeting from your lips at the thought.

“ he’s at the gate ⏤ Rick, that is. If you want him. “

A few more words of light hearted humour are exchanged between you, just little things. You have known Carol for a long time, one of the few people to continue to see her as a human after losing Sophia, yes she was in mourning, but she was still human. You never tiptoed around her, you offered her support as best you could and for that she continues to be grateful. Even in the prison, you became closer, as time passed on she took up something of a parental role in your life. Though you were old enough at the time to not need one, you accepted it. A slice of normality granted to you for what reason you have never found out, but one you wouldn’t seek out either, for some things happen without cause or reason, a mystery of life.

Turning around a corner, you’d realised you took a wrong turn around one of the houses, your sense of direction would have been your downfall had you not found the people you now call your family. Admittedly, you’d not spent much time exploring the vast environment that is home to these large homes, you still dedicated some time to mapping all the twists and turns. However, not even that has aided you. Despite this, you find a silver lining to getting lost.. you have been able to shake off whatever blades of irritation that sorely wished to cling to your being for longer, you wanted nothing more than to approach Rick without anything that could set him off.

Though few words have been shared between you both about how you all feel about being in Alexandria, it doesn’t mean you haven’t noticed a tension building its blocks within Rick. Knowing all he has been through, you’re worried that he will reduce himself to being no more than a caged animal, biding his time to break free. It’s why you’re searching him out, a discussion is sorely needed before anything should happen, chaos has a way of trailing your family like a puppy following its master.

“ there you are. “

Rick lays his sights on you in the distance, waiting for you to move closer before saying a word. You would go so far as to say it has been one of the few instances of genuine contentment as his features relax from the lines of strain it held not even a few moments previously. Your hands move straight to your hips, standing a few metres away from him.

“ oh, you were actually looking for me? “ eyebrows raise ever so slightly, you thought Carol had been simply nudging you in his direction.

“ just to check the perimeter. “

“ and you need me for that ? “ you question him as your hands move to rest on your hips, a knowing smile lifting your expression as you observe him.

“ ‘course I do. “ Rick’s tone matches yours, it’s been a while since you’ve heard even the faintest hint of amusement associated with the intense male. It’s alien in a sense, though you’re welcoming of it.

Few words are exchanged with the Alexandrian who has been tasked with guarding the gate, exchanging the barest of information you realise as you watch Rick. You hope that even an hour outside the walls of the town is enough to soothe even the slightest of the negative energy that surrounds his being. Your situation is not perfect, and it’s inverted to what you had been experiencing previously, but you believe in your heart that this has to work. The thought of your family not being able to survive yet another bout of the outside world terrifies you to your core, the ice that is your fear erupting from your centre at the idea.

“ is there a real reason why you wanted me out here? “

“ it’s been a while since it was just us, gettin’ hard to breathe in there. “

“ Rick, you know I’m always here if you need it. I hate to see you carry everything on your shoulders the way you do. “

The hardness that had embedded itself into his face slowly eases at your words and thanks you for your support, he reaches out in between the distance that separates you to slip his fingers between yours. A comfort warms you in a way that no heat could at the action, you’re unable to stop the laugh that bursts free with a splutter. Even back on the road, and he was at his wits end, he was never this affectionate. It’s not something you hold against him though, there were many more things on his mind that required more attention.

“ somethin’ funny? “ he questions you immediately.

“ seeing this side of you, it’s just a bit weird. A good kind of weird, though. “ you assure, continuing to walk over the overgrown branches. “ you’re doing okay? Like, really? “

“ just hard to get used to. These people have just been lucky. “

You nod in understanding, it’s been your first thought every morning since walking through that gate with months of dirt and grime that had accumulated, clinging to every inch of your skin. While blood from the dead dried into your skin, becoming part of you, they lathered themselves in floral perfumes and sprays. As much as you want to allow the venom to pool within you, to form a monster born of hate ⏤ you can’t.

In this world you can’t be driven by such emotions, to aim them at innocent people. Had you been in their position, would it be such an easy position to leave this protected bubble? A piece of the previous world left untouched by the cold, ghostly grip of the dead.

“ we can’t hold it against them. “

“ they’re weak, they could get one of ours killed. “ he quietly grumbles in response, his head shaking at the thought. They’d lost too much already, and he would be damned if he lost any more members of his family, especially now they’d reached an element of safety.

“ or they might not? “ you counter his statement, your eyes pleading as you stop where you stand, your hands still connected.

“ we can’t deal in maybes, we deal in certainties. “

“ what are you suggesting, Rick? That we take over? “ you ask, your brows dropping lower. You’d seen enough death and violence to last you a lifetime, you’d had enough for now. You can’t confirm if you have enough energy for another fight. Too much has been lost.

“ if it comes to it. “

“ this is their home now, our home. They’re not bad people. “ you argue lightly, not wishing for a heated disagreement out there. Any walker around would be attracted by the noise and then the smell of the living, you’ve begun to get used to not having to slaughter walkers every day.

“ no, but they’re unprepared. “

“ so were we at some point! “ inch by inch, you close the distance. You rest your grip on his forearms, trying to calm him no matter how useless it may or may not be. “ Rick, you’re trying to create a problem. I get this is an adjustment and if anything does happen, we’ll have you back. We will fight, but for the sake of safety.. we have somewhere to actually live. “

Against his better judgement he nods, just to put a stop to the conversation. He’d wanted to spend some time alone with you that held no prying eyes from Alexandrians, nor the entertained gazes of your group.

“ let’s just see how things go, and try not to keep things bottled up. It never works out. “

“ I’m not sure you want me to share my deep, dark secrets. “ he asserts with a playful inkling hidden poorly within his words.

A smirk lines itself into your features, you’re feeling the energy from Rick and you can’t deny that it feels good. You lift your chin higher, inching your lips closer to his, the warm glow beginning to burn brighter ⏤ a silent dare in the form of a quiet whisper on your tongue. “ try me. “

[maccreadysimp]

breaking down this anti-ian article bc it bothers me ( from the child of a bipolar mother and a male teen with same sex attraction ) while also providing valid reasons ian sucks ( from someone who likes ian )

ive had this drafted for a while so i dont think i cover anything from season 11

tw for i^cest and r^pe

he was with a married man

in this point it points out that he was with kash and he continued his relationship with kash even after linda put cameras in the store

“Ian didn't seem to care about how wrong his affair with Kash was or how much it could hurt Kash's wife Linda, whom he saw at the store regularly. “

that is a quote from that part.

ian gallagher was fifteen in season one, kash was an older man who bought him gifts and payed attention to ian ,, that was not on ian , none of that was ian fault because he was a child

ian wasnt open with lip

“ Ian didn't tell Lip about his preferences and forced Lip to figure it out on his own. Lip was instantly accepting of his brother's truth and even offered to help him figure out any confusion he might be harboring, so it's really strange that Ian wasn't just upfront with his closest confidant from the start.”

no , lip wasnt forced to figure it out on his own and he also wasn’t instantly accepting.

in this point it mentions that ‘they’re extremely close ( bestfriends and brothers ) so its strange ian didnt tell him’

like point 1 , ian is a fifteen year old boy, growing up on the southside , and thoughout the show it has mentioned multiple times that the southside isnt that accepting

back to lip -- lip wasnt accepting, sure he was fine but ‘helping your younger brother figure it out’ by having a (female) classmate give him a blowjob isnt helping

he secretly dated his best friends brother

“Most friends have an unspoken rule about not dating each other's siblings, but Ian broke this rule by secretly entering into a relationship with Mandy's closeted brother Mickey.”

the only thing i have to say about this is , he was still with kash and mickey was a boy in his age group who was gay , growing up in the southside ian probably thought he was the token gay so of course hes going to chase after mickey

he stood by as kash attacked mickey

“Ian didn't do anything to stop Kash from shooting his new lover, and didn't even tell the police about his boss' over-the-top display of jealous action so proper justice could be served.”

okay. because two men he had fallen for had gotten into a fight, there was a gun involved and he panicked, in the end after mickey got shot he went to him

now to address the quote, he didnt say anything to the police because he probably knew that that would bring shame onto kash and his family, along with mickey and his family who are very homophobic

oh yeah and it was like 2011 and cops suck and THEY LIVE ON THE SOUTHSIDE

he and lip tried framing terry milkovich

oh the homophobic and racist dad of his boyfriend and bestfriend who tried to kill him and r*ped his daughter ?

yeah , shit man , that was real bad they shouldn’t have done that /s

he dated jimmy-steves married father

“Ian didn't bother telling Jimmy the truth about his father and didn't end his relationship with Lloyd upon finding out that he had a secret wife and family, either.”

at this point ian is probably sixteen but that doesnt matter bc i wont even address that

he met him at a club and then used his relationship with ned to make mickey jealous which was one of the reasons he kept seeing him, he didnt tell jimmy-steve about the relationship or his father bc he shouldnt find out from him he should find out from his father , again like kash, ned was an older man who payed attention to ian and ned later did develop feelings feelings for ian

he stole lips identity to enlist in the army

he enlisted because he didnt know what to do with himself, its implied/stated that the army timeline was the start of his bipolar

“While impersonating Lip, Ian had tried to steal a helicopter and then proceeded to go AWOL.”

this is because of the bipolar he suffers from, it is referenced later in the series after he gets back and hes manic

ian refused to accept being bipolar

of course he didnt accept it, it is made very clear that his family thinks lowly of monica so of course if hes the lucky duck to get what his siblings demonize her for, of course he’ll not want to be it

“He refused to take medications that could alter his personality or mood.”

okay. this is why im making this whole post, this goes along with part 15 ( or so idk ) ,,

my mother , my dear mother, who is bipolar and doesnt take her meds because they are mood altering , my mom doesnt take med because she told me once that they make her feel like shit, she told me that a little after i was born she started taking them but realized she felt nothing, she felt nothing for my dad or for i ( making her numb )

she told me anti deppresents dont help either because when shes on them and manic it pushes her past productive and into angry

my dad told me that when my mom was on bi polar medication she would seem angry most of the time

he wasnt faitful to mickey

“Ian's bipolar disorder made him very reckless and impulsive and led him to be unfaithful.”

lets break that down.

ians. bipolar. disorder.

this plot point i actually didnt like, mainly bc ian never addresses it so ill give the article a point. but then i take away 2 because they have more of a problem with his bipolar messing with him rather than the fact he never apologized and they never worked it out

ian stole yevgeny

before i start quoting i should mention because his boyfriend, who has supported and helped him is suddenly telling him he needs help, he was helping raise yev so he’ll see yev as his own

“Ian failed to recognize just how crazy he was acting...”

cuting you off right there , he was in a bipolar state, he wasnt ‘crazy’ and isnt ‘crazy’

he cant even keep count of his number of partners

just slutshaming i see

he helped throw frank off a bridge

“His relationship with Frank was understandably never the same after that, as Frank struggled to get over this act of betrayal and cruelty.”

‘was never the same after that’ frank never liked ian, ian was probably his least favorite and that point is very apparent

also , it wasnt just ian , his siblings and his boyfriend caleb

he left a healthy relationship to be with mickey

he fell in love with mickey at 15 , mickey was a comfort and always someone to fall back on, when mickey was taken away and no longer in the picture his heart still obviously was with mickey and when mickey came back he didnt know what to do

he told mickey he had a boyfriend but because mickey has been such a constant in his life he finally has back of course he couldnt resist

he liked trevor, i could tell he did but trevor wasnt the one he watched get r^ped by a russian prostitute, he wasnt the one ian was secretly dating bc it would be a death wish other wise, he wasnt the one there when ian was manic or depressive ( at the start )

he tried blackmailing an old client for money

“Instead of raising the money in an honest manner, Ian chose to visit an old client from his time working at the Fairy Tail and blackmail him into funding the shelter.”

because he felt indebted to trevor and wanted to make it up to him, it would have taken longer to do it in ‘an honest manner’ when his sister would have gotten it instead, he knew how much gay youths like he once was needed a safe place

“He grew up wanting to be nothing like his father, but this whole money-making scheme was straight out of the Frank playbook”

because thats all he knows, he grew up with that ‘playbook’ so of course hes going to take a page out of it, he is nothing like frank , franks money making schemes are selfish and for his own greed while ian wanted the money to help build a safe space for lgbt youth

he let fame inflate his ego

of course he did, hes a southside kid who was destined to fail

also it is very apparent that during the gay jesus era he went off his medication which didnt help

“Before long, he just completely forgot about his ex and focused solely on being a deity”

as much as yes, he did let it mess with his head, he was trying to still help lgbt youth and was going against anti gay churchs , in the end it didnt work out for him because he was off his meds and went over board

he stopped taking his meds

see previous point and ‘ian refused to accept being bipolar’

he actually wanted to stay in prison

because he was doing good in there

ian was helping others and was spreading awareness about lgbt with in the prison , and as him and jail scenes go , we can see people were listening to him and he was trying to make it safe sane and consensual

he let down his army of followers

“Ian admitted that most of his actions were completely irrational and the mere results of his bipolar disorder.”

he didnt want to, we can see this, because he knew he would let down everyone, his family were the only ones to ever ground him and they knew it would be the best option for his own mental health

during the gallavich wedding we can see that a lot of his supporters still have his back because they must know how hard it was for him to put all of that success on something he can’t control

he constantly wasted his potential

this is actually the only point in this article i actually agree with , so only 1/20 i agree with

his relationship with mickey wasn’t actually great

“Mickey spent the first several years of their relationship denying his feelings for Ian.”

he was raised by a homophobic and racist father who he knew would react the way he did when terry had caught the two that one day

“Even after he finally embraced his true self, Ian's bipolar disorder kept them from becoming truly happy together.”

yes but mickey was there for him the entire time and helped him through it, he told him he loved him which was really big for him and did his best to care for him

“They couldn't seem to remain faithful to each other for more than a few weeks.”

back to the point about ians bipolar but for mickey he wanted monogamy , now that scene in s11 may say otherwise but it is very clear that he wants a monogamous relationship with ian and ian ( after getting help ) wants one too, and in the later seasons they are monogamous

“When Mickey asked Ian to run away to Mexico with him, Ian refused.”

he wanted to, it’s obvious, but ian has his family and didnt want to abandon them again, i think part of him knew he would see mickey again because they always find eachother, he gave mickey all of his money and wanted mickey to have a good life

“Their relationship was simply never healthy.”

no it wasnt, but thats why the ship is great in its own way, the gay closet kid raised by a homophobic man is obviously going to have a lot of baggage , and ian who is bipolar and struggling with himself will also have a lot of baggage , but in the end they love eachother and that really shows in season five and season seven specifically

that is all lol ,,, this is long sorry

now, i am not a ian apologist , i love ian but hes a dumbass sometimes

actual valid reasons ian sucks

genuinely believes frank is worse than terry

yes frank was definitely abusive but terry is definitely worse ,,

mentally/physically/sexually abusive , the whole nine yards

terry hired a prostitute to r^pe his son , threatened to kill him and ian on multiple occasions , r^ped his daughter who ended up pregnant and is actively racist

frank on the other hand will make gay jokes but in the end doesnt give enough of a shit , he has attacked his children on multiple occasions but not to the brutality that terry has ( this isnt me excusing it )

sorry ian , terry is worse

never apologized

he never apologized for all the shit he put mickey and his family through, never apologized to mickey for cheating on him , never apologized for all the manic and depressive episodes mickey endured with him

never apologized for walking away when he couldn’t handle it, in hall of shame mickey actually acknowledges this saying ‘its youre whole MO’

debbies sexuality

he has constantly made statements saying debbie isnt gay and that bothers me because , why does it care ? as a gay man and as a gay man who soent time with a lot of lgbt youth wouldnt he support his sister even if shes just ‘experimenting’?

in the recent season he doesnt seem to care and doesn’t say anything but it still bothers me

mickey only getting like 80% of his heart

okay look , i get what ian means when he says this , everyones hes been with has made him who he is but fucking hell dude ,, shut up , thats your husband , thats the love of your life you shouldnt be saying shit like that , especially to him

and then this man had the audacity to say mickey probably feels the same about past flings when he knows that ian is the only one hes probably ever been with/serious about

obviously there is probably more but those are the main ones that come to mind

—

before anyone brings up the trans or bi thing im going to explain my thought process for him

like ive probably mentioned multiple times he grew up southside and obviously only ever grew up with lgb and not t ,, trevor did inform him a lot and ian became supre accepting of everyone,, sexual preference isnt transphobic but i do think he approached the matter badly

now the bi thing , legit all i think is that he doesnt hate bisexual people its just that the man he really liked slept with a woman and never expressed any heterosexual attraction so it probably just suprised him and pissed him off because caleb did cheat on ian

—

if you read this far HOLY SHIT THANKS LOL ,, im not adding things that i think are pro about ian this was just me breaking down that article and giving my two cents :)

feel free to message me and talk to me or send me articles like this about any other character/relationship and i will totally break that one down too lol

thanks for letting me rant

[untaemedqueen]

The Lions Den

Mafia!Jimin x Wife!Reader

Genre: Mafia!AU, Smut, Fluff, Angst

Chapter 7.

Warnings: Smut, Blood, Guns, Knives, Excessive Cursing, Excessive Alcohol Intake, Smoking (Cigarettes and Cigars), Mental Health Issues

TagList- @ayyyocee​​​​​​​​​​, @mysugabear03, @wisebtsgot7prune​​​, @imaforeigner​​​​​​​​​​, @yeonkiminnie​​​​​​​​​​​, @stories1907​​​​​​​​​​​, @ppersonna​​​​​​​​​​​, @brilee64​​​​​​​​​​​, @gooplibrary​​​​​​​​​​​, @vivpurple7​​​​​​​​​​, @xjoonchildx​​​​​​​​​​, @brightwingr5​​​​​​​​​​, @yaniposts22​​​​​​​​​​, @rjsmochii​​​​​​​​​​, @taeslittletiger​​​​​​​​​​, @pjmcth​​​​​​​​​​, @bts-chub​​​​​​​​​​, @kpoppingthempills​​​​​​​​, @kim-ji-hyeons-world​​​​​​​​, @jikooksgirl19​​​​​, @yoong-i​​​​​, @ruinsofangels​​​​​, @absolutefantrash​​​​, @chiminies-noona​​​​, @eclectically-esoteric​​​, @itsbreeeeeeee, @septembersjoon​​

Sequel to The Bird Cage

To say that you were nervous was an understatement. Hoseok gave very little information over the phone to Yoongi apart from the fact that during the Ims encounter with Jeongguk at the warehouse he had bitten off his own tongue during their scuffle. So there was very little chance that the Im would have been able to tell the mafia family anything at all. Hoseok had found him on the side of the road in a thicket of bushes, bleeding out of his mouth.

Upon arriving home, Jimin was pacing in the sitting room. Hands over his face before hearing the door slam shut. He picks his head up before narrowing his eyes at you, “And where were you three?” He questions as your nephew, Jisuk runs through the sitting room with Jin hot on his trail. 

“At the Bird Cage, handing over the reins to Rina.” You tell your husband as you step down the entryway stairs. He hums before opening his arms for you like a small child. You can see his anxiousness quite clearly, his aura was exuding this sort of tenseness that makes your heart sink. You hug him tightly, feeling his soft lips against your forehead before he’s burying his face into your hair. “Are you tired? Do you and the baby want to nap?” He whispers gently as he rubs the muscles on the back of your neck with his fingertips. 

“I’m okay. No tiredness, yet.” You whisper, relishing in the warmth he gives you. “It’s a girl.” He mutters before looking over at the two men in the entryway. 

“Hoseok is up in the playroom with Im Gyujin. We have to dispose of his body. Quietly.” Yoongi pulls out a cigarette before nodding. Namjoon takes off his hoodie before following Yoongi up the second staircase. You look up at your husband, chin to the middle of his chest. He was the most handsome man in the entire universe. Even now, after all these years your heart still swells at the sight of him. He looks down at you before kissing the tip of your nose. “I love you, Kitten.”

“I love you, too.” You whisper before hugging him tightly. He chuckles gently before exhaling a long breath. “We don’t think he got far enough to tell the Ims anything at all. Which is good. He was bleeding out on the side of the road from his mouth. Passed out from blood loss.” He mumbles to you before running his hand over your back. 

“Well that’s good at least.” You reply before small arms are wrapping around your leg. You hum questionably before looking down at Jisuk as he squeezes your leg. Jimin steps back before chuckling gently, “Aunt Y/N?” Jisuk whispers quietly.

You look over at Jin as he sits down on the couch, “What’s the matter, babe?” You ask before crouching down to his height and pushing some of his hair off of his forehead. 

“Mommy and Daddy are going to take me to the zoo!” Jisuk says happily and you giggle as he jumps up and down. “Are they?! That’s so much fun! You’re going to get to go see elephants! Your favorite!” He nods fervently before Jin sits up on the couch. “We’re going to take Hawon and Minseok if that’s okay. I know you guys have a lot going on right now and I don’t want the kids here when the playroom gets emptied… y’know?” Jin pipes up from the couch.

“That’s a great idea. Thanks Jin.” Jimin says gratefully before your phone begins to ring. Jimin raises an eyebrow before laughing. “Rina already is feeling the pressure?”

You dig into your leather jacket before widening your eyes. “No actually, it’s Im Ryu.” You whisper before showing your husband the phone. Jin stands up quickly before picking Jisuk up and nodding towards the kitchen. “I’ll give you both some privacy.”

The ringer is loud as you both stare at each other. Nervousness encroaching upon your mind before Jimin grabs your hand. He clears his throat awkwardly before nodding to the phone. “Answer it.”

You swipe your thumb over the call button before putting the phone on speaker, “Ryu! Hey!”

You hear a giggle before she speaks, “Vixen! Good afternoon! Did you eat yet?”

You squint your eyes at your husband before he’s shaking his head slowly. “No! I haven’t eaten yet. You?” He looks at his Rolex before pushing some hair behind your ear.

“Nope! You know what that means!” Her voice sounds carefree and as light as air. It’s almost relaxing before you’re holding up your phone to your mouth.

“Gaudio’s?” You ask before hearing a laugh. “My treat, Vixen. See you in an hour?”

Jimin nods slowly before closing his eyes. “An hour is perfect.” You reply before the line goes dead. He exhales through his nose before wrapping his hand around your wrist and pulling you up the stairs. 

“I want Yoongi and Namjoon to go with you. She might not know anything and she might know everything.” Jimin mutters as he riffles through his desk drawers. His eyes light up before pulling out a long thin wire with a small microphone attached to it. “You’re bugging me?” You ask your husband before folding your arms. He nods quickly before curling his hand to have you walk over to him.

“Jimin, no. You’re not fucking bugging me and making me wear this stup-” He silences you with a kiss before putting his forehead to yours. “You’re going to wear this so I can be with you. I need to hear if she knows anything or alludes to anything. Plus, you have my baby inside you and I need this for my peace of mind.” He shakes his hand, the thin wire shaking gently before stilling. Your eyes meet his, pupils flickering between both of his eyes as he stares at you with steely determination.

Now was certainly not the time to be a brat. “Okay.” You whisper before stepping back. You could be unreasonable at any given time, but today with the stakes raised so high, you would give in to your husband. Countless times before you’re denied him simple things to get a rise from him but you couldn’t bring yourself to today. 

“I want you to bring a gun with you just in case. And, your knife.” You nod to him as he pulls down the straps of your dress to attach the microphone. “Don’t trust anything she says. Analyze everything and don’t walk into a trap with your free speaking mouth.” He instructs you before kissing your lips.

You giggle before staring at the new picture above the desk, it used to be just the seven men and now it was them plus the new additions to your family. If this lunch could somehow bring to light if the Im’s knew you took one of their family members, you needed to go through with it.

You didn’t hate Ryu or Haeun, nor their children for what the Im brothers did to your parents. But, they would end up suffering without their husbands. It’s unfortunate that they had to be the ones to do such a thing, but you feel no remorse for your payback. You feel remorse that their families would suffer. This lunch can bring you one step closer to your revenge, whether Jimin tries to hold you back from it or not.

Stepping into the restaurant, you can already feel your palms begin to sweat. Having Yoongi and Namjoon with you was nice but feeling the knife on your thigh gives you a steadiness you need as your heels clack against the marble floor. “Park.” You say to the waiter before taking off your sunglasses. 

This part that you play so easily, the carefree Vixen of Seoul with a steeled brain and a venomous tongue usually dissipates around Ryu and Haeun. You had considered them friends for years before finding out their husbands had murdered your parents. Shortly after finding out this information, your free time that was spent with them was few and far between. You didn’t want to see their faces, didn’t want to feel unwarranted anger rise within you because of something their significant others had done and not them. 

Jimin had told you countless times not to look at them in such a way if you wanted to continue to be their friend. But, how could you not look at them with anger? You were unsure if they knew what their husbands had done or even if Junggoo and Jungin knew who they killed. Regardless, revenge was coming their way and there would be major fallout.

The private dining room doors swing open and you take in Ryu as she sips her wine. She was wearing the Oh Hyungshil necklace you had bought off a patron in the restaurant many years ago and you clear your throat before entering with Yoongi and Namjoon behind you. Ryu only had one Im man with her today. You’re unsure if she knows anything but without more men behind her, you feel yourself falling into a false sense of security which is something Jimin explicitly today you not to do.

She looks up at you, a large smile spreading on her face before looking at both of the guys behind you. “Are you in danger?!” She asks quickly, putting down her glass of wine. 

“I’m not sure.” You reply honestly before taking your seat across from her. She widens her eyes at you before watching as you place your hand over your flat stomach. She reaches over the table before grabbing the glass of champagne she ordered for you. “I’ll take that. Thank you preggo.” She mumbles before sipping the champagne.

This is usually so easy between the both of you, more so then when Haeun is around. Ryu was a genuinely nice person, she was funny and fierce quite like yourself and it tugs at your heartstrings that you’ve kept her so far away because of something her husband did. “Congratulations by the way, I know you were having a hard time trying to get pregnant." She congratulates you and you give her a small smile. 

“Thanks, we just found out yesterday.” Her smile widens before looking at the two members behind you. She points to the chairs beside you before nodding to the men. “Sit down, it’s not every day I get to see two Lions in one room.”

They both sit before looking at each other with a raised eyebrow. The Ims never ask for other men to sit down, they don’t want them to be completely comfortable and so you could imagine how off putting it might be for them. Your eyes find Ryus before she’s sitting back in her chair. “I asked you to come eat with me because I got this.” She whispers before digging into her purse and handing you a letter. 

You watch as she hands it to you, fingers shaking delicately before she runs her hands over the top of her tight bun. “Junggoo wanted to know if you’ve gotten anything like this.” She whispers over the table before chugging the champagne. 

You pull the note out delicately, the stock card rustling before the bold words in black are presented to you.

You widen your eyes at the note before passing it to Yoongi who sits beside you. “No sender, no nothing.” You mumble to him as Namjoon peers over his shoulder.

“You haven’t received anything like that?” Ryu asks, her tone filled with fright and nervousness. 

“No, we haven’t.” Yoongi mumbles before narrowing his eyes at the inked page. You peek down the front of your dress before feeling relaxed knowing Jimin was listening. This was odd, there was really nothing about the Im’s, apart from the knowledge that they murdered your parents, that they really have done wrong. They run illegal cock fighting, guns and own a casino quite like yours. They really aren’t in the business of doing things ridiculously out there. “This is handwritten.” Namjoon notifies you all before taking the letter from Yoongi’s hands with his sleeve. 

“If you don’t mind I’d actually like to get some tests run on this.” Namjoon asks Ryu before sliding it back into the envelope without touching it, “We should run some tests on it. For fingerprints and stuff.” He says to her.

She nods enthusiastically, “Please! Anything would help. I’m so nervous, Y/N. What if my kids get taken or something?!” She whimpers before putting her hand to her forehead. Now this was something any mother would take seriously. “No one is fucking taking your children. Do you hear me?” You grab her hand over the table before narrowing your eyes at her.

“As a mother, you would never allow anything to happen to them and I know you very well. Your children and both you and Haeun are going to be just fine.” You aren’t promising anything else, that would be a lie and you’re too bold to do anything but tell the truth. She nods, eyes becoming glassy before Namjoon puts the letter inside of his suit jacket. 

“Now let's eat.” You tell her as the waiters enter with food, before you can cross your legs you feel a piece of paper land on your knees and you shift before looking into Ryu’s eyes and grabbing it.

Jimin greets you at the door, arms open for you before enveloping you in a hug. “Kitten, you did phenomenal as always.” His tone was full of glee and you find yourself snorting as you hug him back. 

“Are the kids at the zoo with Jin?” You ask quietly, Jimin hums in agreement. You wrap your hand around his wrist before pulling him up the stairs. He raises an eyebrow before following you willingly. Your hand digs into your dress before pulling out the microphone and putting it into your husband's hand. 

Wordlessly you climb the sets of stairs, lips pressing into a tight line. “I didn’t read it. I waited to open it.” You notify your husband before finally ascending to the third floor. 

“Read what, baby?” He asks confused as you pull a letter out of your purse and handing it to him over your shoulder as you walk towards your bedroom. He groans gently as you open up the lion carved doors before slamming it shut behind him.

His fingers rip open the letter before pulling out the piece of stock card within it. He hugs you tightly, running his hand over your stomach before cursing quietly. 

“This can go one of two ways.” Jimin says before throwing the note onto the bed. His lips begin to dance over your shoulder. 

“They find out it was us who had him or they think the person who sent the letter has taken him.” You whisper to him. He replies with a nod before closing his eyes. “I’m praying for the latter.”

[megalony]

Family of six- Part 2

This is the second part of my new Murderer! Ben Hardy series that I hope everyone will enjoy, feedback is always lovely.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr​ @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah​ @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @hellsdragon @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh @onceuponadetectivedemigod

Murderer! Ben masterlist

Series masterlist

Summary: Ben and (Y/n) have a son together and are pregnant again but things take a worrisome turn when (Y/n) develops severe morning sickness and they find out they’re having triplets.

Enjoy.

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"(Y/n) Hardy?"

The moment (Y/n) heard her name called out it felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders but another weight had settled down in her stomach. (Y/n) had been very close to cancelling this appointment with the midwife today with how badly she felt when she woke up but Ben wasn't having it. He didn't care if he had to carry her in, he wanted someone to check on his wife and help her because she wasn't well at all.

She felt Ben's arm securing around her waist when they both stood up and he could almost see all the blood draining from her head and going everywhere else in her body.

(Y/n) was happy the moment they made it into the room where she could slump down into a chair.

"Okay, how are you doing (Y/n)... are you feeling alright today?" The midwife they knew as Mandy sat down in the chair opposite to where (Y/n) and Ben were sitting. She had a kind smile on her face but a concerned look in her eyes when she seemed to take in (Y/n)'s appearance. She could see (Y/n) wasn't feeling well by the way she was slumped in her chair and how she kept closing her eyes like she had a headache. (Y/n) also looked like she was trying very hard to control her breathing in a way that implied she was trying to stop herself from being sick.

"I feel sick, I haven't been able to eat much over the past few weeks, I just keep bringing it back up."

"Are you finding it hard to keep fluids down too?" Mandy looked at her notes on the computer to her right before she looked back over at (Y/n).

"I haven't seen her keep anything down over the last week, not even water." Ben spoke up when (Y/n) bowed her head and closed her eyes like she just wanted to curl up and disappear to stop the feeling of being sick. She knew that she couldn't be sick right now because she hadn't eaten in over twelve hours and she had only managed a few sips of juice. Nothing but bile and water would be thrown back up right now.

"Right, I'd like to take your blood pressure and check your weight first if that's okay."

When (Y/n) nodded, Mandy got up and moved over to a drawer to get the band to check (Y/n)'s blood pressure. The black band felt like a shirt sleeve that was far too tight but it didn't get too tight or stay on (Y/n)'s arm long enough to become irritable before Mandy had gotten the results she was looking for.

"Now if you'd come and stand on the scales for me."

(Y/n) did as asked, trying to stop the dizziness from overtaking her mind when she stood up straight on the scales. It was very clear that whatever was going on with this pregnancy wasn't just normal morning sickness because (Y/n) knew many people who suffered morning sickness and they could still eat and drink. They were able to eat when the sickness wore off later in the day or early in the morning, (Y/n) couldn't do that at all.

"Let's sit you down on the bed ready for the scan." The tone of Mandy's voice was soothing and understanding and she took (Y/n)'s elbow to ensure she didn't stumble or fall when walking unevenly over to the bed. "You're blood pressure is lower than I'd like it to be and you've lost weight rather than putting any on. I think it's safe to say you have what we call Hyperemesis Gravidarum which is severe morning sickness."

A look of unease took over (Y/n)'s features and her eyes darted over to look at Ben when he walked over and sat down beside her. (Y/n) knew that with her not eating her health and that of the baby would be worse and at risk but it didn't click that not eating would mean she would lose weight. She just presumed that she would still put the weight on because she was pregnant.

"How long will it last?" (Y/n) could feel the nervousness in her voice as she asked the question she dreaded the answer to. She knew morning sickness varied from woman to woman but if this went on much longer she was going to end up in hospital.

"There's no definite answer but I would presume it will continue until at least the twenty week mark. But we can manage this so please don't look so worried, I'll prescribe you vitamins and some anti-emetics which will stop you from being sick and hopefully let you start to eat and drink and it might be best if I put you on steroids too since you're losing weight. Now, let's see this baby for the first time."

(Y/n) nodded and she knew Ben could almost feel the relief she felt when he took hold of her hand to try and calm her down. It was relieving to know it wasn't something more serious than this and that Mandy seemed sure it was something that could be helped and controlled. But Ben knew (Y/n) was more than relieved because she wouldn't have to go to hospital, at least not right now. She had been desperate to go home from the hospital when they had Billy and it had annoyed and frustrated her when she had to stay in for a week after his birth. (Y/n) never wanted to go to hospital unless it was completely necessary.

"I-is something wrong?" (Y/n) interlocked her fingers with Ben's as they both looked at the midwife who seemed to be either anxious or uneasy about something as she looked at the monitor.

"No, nothing's wrong. I think this is going to come as a shock to you both, but it looks like you're expecting triplets."

The moment those words passed through her lips (Y/n) felt her stomach churning like she was going to be sick and she looked at Ben when his hand clenched around hers like he was trying to cut off her circulation.

Three babies at once.

Three newborns to look after twenty four seven and a five year old. Ben had the kind of job where he was great at escaping the police but it had happened more than once where (Y/n) had had to wait three or four months for him to get out of jail and repeatedly go and give a false statement to the police. Ben worked hard at the club and he was finding it hard to balance work and family life, three more kids all at once was going to make that even harder on all of them.

Looking after Billy when he was a baby had been hard enough, what if one or all of the babies were hard to feed or were fussy? What if they wouldn't get into a sleep routine, what if Ben was working more or couldn't get as much time off so (Y/n) was left home with four children who needed constant care?

How was this pregnancy going to work out? Twins and triplets in pregnancies came with complications, (Y/n) might not get to full term, she might have complications during labour or have to go on bed rest or get ill. She could lose one of them at any point during the pregnancy if something went wrong.

"No..." (Y/n) shook her head but the look on Mandy's face showed that she wasn't joking or making this up. She turned the screen so that both parents could look at the black and grey mess that was supposed to resemble their babies.

"Here's baby one, two, and three is hiding right there."

Mandy slowly pointed out the small grey shapes to them and it hurt (Y/n) that the more she looked at the screen, the quicker she could decipher each blob into a baby. She didn't want three babies all at once, she didn't want the risks or complications or the stress and pressure that came with triplets. But she had always imagined herself with a big family and she didn't want to get rid of them.

"I can see this is a big surprise so I'll leave you alone for a few minutes and get a few copies of this printed for you. You're thirteen weeks along but with triplets you'll need a few extra scans and appointments so we can monitor you closely, especially with your morning sickness and weight loss. But everything else seems to be in order."

Mandy smiled kindly at them both before she left the room to give them a few moments to talk and gather themselves.

"Three babies... how are we going to cope?" (Y/n) turned her head to look at Ben as she slowly sat up straight and cleaned her stomach before pulling her shirt down. If it had already been hard coping when Billy had been born then (Y/n) didn't want to imagine how they were going to cope with four kids, three of whom would be newborns needing a lot of care and attention.

Work and money and their home weren't issues that they had to worry about which was something of a relief at least. (Y/n) worked as a carer which was frankly the opposite of Ben when he was a boxer by trade who wound up killing a lot of people. But she had a feeling that she wouldn't be working for very much longer with how badly she was feeling and now knowing she would have three newborns to care for.

Ben profited from the club alone but all the dodgy dealings he had going on behind closed doors meant he had a lot of money saved even with the money he spent on the club and his workers and his deals. But with how much Ben worked and how badly the club needed to be ruled with an iron fist, it meant four kids wasn't the best idea right now.

"We'll cope just fine, I'm already cutting down my hours at the club to be home with you and Billy-"

"The club doesn't run well without you there and you know it."

"My guys follow my rules, I'm sure I can snap them into shape enough so that they don't burn the place down while I'm not there. I'm not leaving you alone right now when you're not well and I'm not leaving you to look after Billy and three babies on your own."

Ben was in charge of the club and he made all the rules, he knew he could get his workers to follow his rules to the dot so that when he wasn't there nothing bad happened. It may not run as perfectly as it did when Ben was there but as long as the club still functioned and nothing went wrong it would be fine. He had to be home right now to look after (Y/n) and Billy and he certainly had to be there if they were now going to be having three newborns to look after.

He could tell that (Y/n) was on the verge of disagreeing with him so he cupped her face in his hands and pressed his lips to hers. He loved her and he knew they were more than capable of making this work.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Have you two not moved since I left this morning?" The smirk resting on Ben's lips was clear as he entered the living room and looked over at (Y/n) and Billy. The pair of them were laid on the sofa bundled under a cover with a few of Billy's books scattered about the sofa with them.

When Ben left to go to the club this morning he left them both much like they were now, curled up watching tv. For the past two weeks with (Y/n) feeling ill, Billy had been glued to her hip, staying on the sofa or in bed with her to keep her company. It was rather endearing to Ben to see how Billy was being sweet and trying to make (Y/n) feel better. Billy especially loved it this morning when Ben asked him to look after (Y/n) while he was at work, it made Billy feel grown up and important.

"We made dinner." Billy pulled the blanket up higher until it was tucked under his chin and a smile was playing on his lips as he watched Ben's movements.

He watched as Ben shrugged off his dark blue jacket and put his keys down on the coffee table before he sat down next to Billy who was now sat happily between both parents. Billy tugged on the cover wrapped around him and (Y/n) so that he could drape the end over Ben's lap so that he was laid under the covers with them.

"Oh did you, what did you make?"

"We made pasta."

"I'll have to try some then won't I. Why don't you go and get your mum another drink cause she needs her medicine now." Ben kissed Billy's forehead before watching him wriggle out from between both parents and scuttle to the kitchen. "How you feeling, baby?"

Ben moved over until his leg bumped against (Y/n)'s and he was close enough to run his fingers through her hair and brush it out of her eyes. The way he looked at her made (Y/n) feel like he was both admiring and studying her at the same time and it caused a shiver to run down her spine.

"Hungry, I didn't feel like eating earlier. Billy's been reading to me for the past hour to make me feel better." (Y/n) didn't feel amazing but she didn't feel like the world was spinning around her or that she was going to faint or throw up to no end. She had managed to find the energy to get up and go to the kitchen to make dinner with Billy which she hadn't done for the past week with how she had been feeling. And for once (Y/n) now felt a bit hungry instead of sick and she had been serenaded with stories by Billy because it was what both parents did for him when he was ill.

"You look more awake and lively than this morning. Have your meds then you can try and eat something with me."

Ben leaned over and cupped her face before he kissed her, feeling a bit more at ease since (Y/n) looked better than she did this morning. She wasn't laid with no energy to move or gagging or curled up trying to stop herself from being sick. She just had to eat and actually keep something down and she might start to feel and get better.

He could feel (Y/n) smiling into the kiss and the way she bit her lower lip when he kissed the corner and edge of her mouth before pulling back with a sly grin on his face. Ben leaned his head to the right when (Y/n) slowly curled her arms around his neck and pressed her forehead against his cheek. (Y/n) watched with a smile as Ben picked up the black bag on the table that (Y/n) used to use as a make up bag.

She had been given steroids, vitamin tablets, tablets to stop her being sick and supplement powder sachets for her drink if she didn't manage to eat anything. Ben never seemed to forget or miss anything like (Y/n) did, she could remember to take her tablets in the morning and then an hour later she could forget to take them. Ben knew how many anti-emetics she could take a day and what times she should take them and it was so much easier for (Y/n) if Ben helped and reminded her when and what to take.

(Y/n) took the steroids and anti-emetics in the morning, the vitamins around this time with the emetics again which she also had at night and then she could have the sachets whenever she thought she needed them if she hadn't eaten or drank anything.

"Alright baby, take these two." Ben handed (Y/n) the two small circular tablets and what was left of her juice and watched as she tipped her head back to make sure she could swallow them. Tablets never usually came as much of a problem to (Y/n) but with the way she was feeling lately even swallowing tablets was hard.

Ben got the antiemetic medication into the syringe it came with but when he gave it to (Y/n) she knew the look in his eyes. She had to take this three times a day because of how badly she was being sick and not intaking any fluids and it was in liquid form because she couldn't take many tablets without being sick. But for the past three days she had been on the medication, most of the time she had thrown it back up so it wasn't getting into her system.

"Please try and keep this one down."

(Y/n) nodded as she took the syringe from Ben and cringed as she swallowed the medicine that made her throat feel dry and her stomach feel unsettled. She knew he wasn't mad at her and he knew she couldn't help if she threw up but if she couldn't keep the medication down that was meant to stop her from being sick then they would have to go to the hospital.

With a sigh, (Y/n) leaned her head on Ben's shoulder as his arm circled around her waist to hold her to his side. The small moment of peace that the couple found themselves in didn't last long before Billy was carefully walking back over to them with a glass of blackcurrant juice clasped carefully between his small hands.

"Thank you baby." (Y/n) smiled when Billy put the drink down on the coffee table before he turned and looked at both parents for a moment.

"Daddy move, you're in my place!" Billy hopped up onto Ben's lap and then wriggled around until Ben sighed and let Billy burrow his way in between him and (Y/n). He watched with a smile and roll of his eyes as Billy moved his way under (Y/n)'s arm so he could sit tucked up by her side like he had been doing before Ben came home. It made Ben smile more because Billy was just as attached to (Y/n) as Ben was, (Y/n) always commented on how Billy was a double of Ben and now he was starting to act like him too.

"I think it's my place to be next to your mum but I'll let you off this one. I'm gonna go get some of that pasta." 

Ben shook his head jokingly at his boy before he made his way into the kitchen, seeing that (Y/n) had plated up pasta for them both so he just had to heat it up. It was surprising but very good for Ben to se that (Y/n) felt well enough to cook and move about the house. He had taken to coming home at dinner and making them all something to eat or making stuff and putting it in the fridge to make it easier for (Y/n). He didn't want her overdoing anything and making herself feel worse.

He put the plate in the microwave and flicked the kettle on to make a drink before he leaned back against the counter and went on his phone for a few moments. He had left Andrew in charge of the club but everything was set out for the day and the rotas and finances were done so Ben was hopeful nothing would happen or go wrong whilst he was home today.

He was alternating between taking the mornings off and having the afternoons off to vary things at the club and at home. He couldn't even think about doing a full day at the club yet until he knew for certain (Y/n) was well enough to be on her own with Billy.

"Daddy! Daddy mummy's sick!"

Ben barely took two sips of his coffee before he almost dropped his cup back down on the counter at the sound of Billy's panicked voice. He made his way quickly back into the living room but Ben couldn't help the way his lips curled in distaste and his blood started to boil.

(Y/n) didn't have the sick bucket downstairs with her and there was nothing else to use but the blanket over her lap. She huddled it in her hands and threw up into it, curling in on herself as gagged, feeling like she couldn't breathe. She could feel Billy patting her back but he didn't know what else to do but to look over at Ben with rather worried eyes.

"Buddy, go upstairs for me and put the tv on in our room, I'm gonna help your mum then take her up to bed." Ben gently hooked his hands under Billy's arms and picked him up from the sofa to place him down to his feet. He didn't want Billy to have to watch (Y/n) being sick and clearly feeling unwell and he knew she wouldn't want Billy to see her like this either. The five year old looked up at Ben and it was clear he wanted to protest but he didn't when Ben patted his back and gave him a nudge towards the doorway.

The moment Billy was out of sight Ben sat down next to (Y/n), moving his hand to her back as his other hand rubbed up and down her arm.

"Baby, baby just breathe it's okay." Ben rubbed his hand a bit harder between (Y/n)'s shoulderblades to try and help her catch her breath back.

Ben dared to look over (Y/n)'s shoulder and see the blanket between her legs but it only made his jaw tighten when he saw that she had thrown up the antiemetic medication and the vitamins he gave her less than twenty minutes ago. She couldn't carry on like this, she had to go to hospital if she was throwing her medication back up that was supposed to stop her from being sick. The midwife said they could control this but Ben could clearly see that things were getting out of control and he didn't like anything out of his control.

"I d-don't like this Ben, I can't even take the meds they gave me." The way (Y/n) sobbed at the end of her words made Ben shiver and his muscles tense. He wanted nothing more than to control this and make (Y/n) better, he wanted her to have almost no morning sickness like when they had Billy instead of this.

"I know baby, give it an hour and then we'll try again with the meds and if not I'll take you to hospital. I can't have you getting any worse than this baby. Now let me take you up to bed."

Ben wasn't messing about, whenever (Y/n) got ill Ben would get to a certain point before he ended up carrying (Y/n) to the car and taking her to a doctor. It happened more times than either of them cared to admit but this time Ben knew (Y/n) wouldn't be arguing when he decided to take her to hospital because it was clear that was going to happen sooner rather than later.

(Y/n) didn't protest when Ben hooked her arms around his neck before he gently curled her legs around his hips so he could stand and pick her up. She rested her head in the crook of Ben's neck as his hands moved to her bum and he walked out the room. Ben could feel the curve of (Y/n)'s stomach pressing against his own and it sparked something inside of him because he loved the feel of her stomach when she was pregnant. But right now all he could think of was that she was still losing weight which she needed to gain for the three lives they created.

"You playing with my chain baby?" Ben moved his head to look at (Y/n) when he started walking up the stairs. He could feel the small silver chain around his neck moving and tugging against the back of his neck making him shiver.

(Y/n) hummed in his ear as she continued to move the chain around his neck. There was just something about the chain that always captured (Y/n)'s attention and when Billy was a baby he always used to pull and bite the chain. But (Y/n) knew exactly how it got to Ben when she messed with his chain and she liked the chain.

"You're lucky your ill." Ben growled quietly in (Y/n)'s ear and he could feel her smiling against his neck when he hit her bum. They both knew if (Y/n) wasn't sick she wouldn't get away with teasing him.

[popculturebuffet]

The Legend of the Three Caballeros: Shangri-La-Di-Da and Sheldgoose Squaredance Reviews: The Last Ride (Comissoned by WeirdKev27)

SALUDOS AMGIOS.. THIS IS IT! The finale review of my retrospective on the Three Caballeros THE RIDE OF THE THREE CABLLEROS. It’s the final ride. While there will be, as i’ve said the last few time, a little epilogue to celebrate finishing this, as clocking in at 15 reviews, one best of list coming next week and covering a film, two sizeable comic book stories, and 18 episodes of television, this has been one of my largest projects and one of my proudest. But there will be time to look back next week. For now i’m amped up, excited about this series and excited to finish. So after the cut join me for one last full ride as our heroes face their final hour! 

Shangri-La-De-Da: Our penultimate adventure begins with the Cabs returning home after training with King Arthur, where they apparently got a years worth of training in a day.. because apparently Camelot is one giant hyperbolic time chamber. But the training’s paid off as our heroes are now at their most skilled and most powerful: As a result Jose skifully and perfectly cuts an orange in seconds, Panchito ropes an apple from a nearbye stand (and the owner’s really cool about it since Panchito gives him the money for it “Thanks magic rope!”) and Donald.. breaks everything but in a really impressive ways. Our heroes are at their best and ready to take on Feldrake when the time comes, while Ari and the Bear.. are hiding what happened last episode with the girls investigating. Hey can’t win em all. Meanwhile Sheldrake is leading Sheldgoose into the Manor.. after a few goofs on him running into the barrier because he’s a petty asshole. They decsend into the depths bellow leaving Leopold to guard. 

Back at the Cabana Donald just wants one more thing... Daisy. 

I’ve.. gone on about why he shouldn’t do this last time. He deserves better. Xandra is right there and while she’s treated him shabbily from time to time. it’s more human error versus... everything with Daisy just everything. This plot point has been nothing but pain and suffering for me and it’s not changing that track record in these last two episodes, though thankfully it’s barely in the finale, so my own track record of screaming about daisy in text form every time she shows up will also remain in tact. He does this because Xandra offered them a vacation so he won’t be distracted.. again why isn’t she the love intrest? I dunno maybe sh’es more into Jose.  And Daisy sucks on arrival, phrasing, as her response to Donald’s call wasn’t to just.. tell him no but to go to his place to clearly tell him no to his place saying “Let’s recap, you abandoned me in a bad part of town, spent our date in the bathroom all night in a hula skirt, then brainwashed my nieces into helping you trick me with a dummy”. Okay Daisy, you want to recap, you insufferable, pompus, selfish, self absorbed, overly demanding, overly haughty, golddigging rose colored shrew?

Let’s fucking recap: He left you in a bad part of town because he got FIRED from his job and found out his house burned down, something you REFUSED to let him explain. You found out about this and then proceded to berate him over dinner, saying he couldn’t possibly help people. While he did spend a while in the bathroom with a hula skirt nad never explained it the ONE point you have.. he LEFT to go help his friends, with you once again leaving instead of letting him come back and explain later or leaving but going to his place to hash this out or just dump him. THEN, something you CAREFULLY omitted, you moved on which is fine.. as a way to make him jealous, bringing the guy to his door to rub his beak in your new relationship with not a hint of shame,a nd ran off whie he was fighting for his life clearly. Now seeing things were more complicated, you asked NO follow up questions, imposed a date on him and while he did lie your nieces WERE NOT FUCKING BRAINWASHED. This was of their own free will you unbleivible she demon. You are so up your own ass you can’t even see the obvious. And then you came here JUST to say all this and be mean to Donald one more time. While Donald shoudln’t of called you up it’s not because of all that it’s because your a heartlress, selfish, shrivled husk of a person. You care about NO ONE but yourself, and that includes Donald. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. 

So Xandra just zaps them away and says she’s perfect for Donald. 

Donald and Daisy end up in the himlayas.. cue the music. 

Why isn’t this game on Switch? Questions for later. Point is our heroes find a cave to duck in and a yeti.. who after clearing their throat reveals Xandra left them at the entrance for Shangri-La, and the inside is intorduced.. with a very lackluster musical number. A weak note for the songs to go out on but not bad, though Donald is pissed off because that’s his schtick here.. though credit where it’s do: Since I didn’t know everything and hadn’t finished it turns out his anger was delebrate.. but we’ll get to that and why it dosen’t work in a moment.  Back at the Cabana the boys fence with bread before Panchito gets a flash as Sheldgoose puts the first amulet into..some kind of melting pool... and the girls confirm what happened seconds later. Feldrake has the amulets, which were used to seal him last time as revealed in last episode, and is melting them into his own power. The final battle is nigh! So Xandra goes to fetch Donald.. and comes back as she CAN’T. Donald and Daisy signed a contract and they can’t leave till ALL their problems are solved. And given Donald is carried off after his anger issues not only are evident when, given a pillow representing his frustratoins he destroys it, but he DENIES having anger issues, he’s dragged off to some extreme thereapy.. i.e. a Self Reflecting reflecting pool that manifests his anger as a giant, sausgey, pissed off version of himself and he reacts as you’d expect and gets flattned.  Back at the Cabana, Xandra breaks the bad news.. and whie Jose TRIES to reassure them, his amulet is next to go so he gets a flash of it being destroyed and our heroes now have to scramble to take on Sheldgoose.. WITHOUT Donald.  Back at donald’s inner hulk.. man I love this fucking job, Donald is pounding away until his own flash breaks things for a moment.. and sends him into his own head. We’re then treated to an acid sequece, an homage to Donald’s surreal reverire from the original movie that while not as wild, is still gloriously bizzare. Donald rencounters the teapot ghost thing that’s apparently part of his psyche from the first episode that gets him to consider why his life is like this and he goes through a lot of moments of the first episodes.. conviently eddting out daisy’s questionable behavior and the fact some things had actual catalysits.  See the idea of Donald FACING his anger issues and growing from them is fine. But this has two faults. One, it assuems you can just.. cure anger issues. You can’t. Anger is a normal emotion and as someone with them I hope to generally work thorugh mine with a therapist.. but I know they just don’t magically go away and therapy is a process and your mental issues are lifelong things you have to grapple away. It’s not the MOST insulting treatment of emtoinal issues i’ve seen, as Total Drama you know had someone with MPD cured with a fucking button press, but it’s not great.  And the second is this was poorly set up. Donald was an angry asshole all series yes and it was an issue.. but it wasn’t really FRAMED as a character arc. Just Donald being donald. So while having that be the source of his issues is a good idea for a character arc for im it comes off sloppy and forced because it’s been treated more like a joke or a character trait and less like a SERIOUS issue or the problem with him and Daisy. Hell they put the whole Dapper duck thing in there when he was fine that episode and is rightfully angry about that if at the wrong person. This whole thing just feels rushed, forced and unsatsifying and is a hsame for such a good idea

The payoff is good though, as when Donald awakens and let’s his anger wash away.. he just stands as the anger donald tries to beat the crap out of him.. but can’t do anything to him since he’s calm. He’s fine, and he’s released.. and his shock collar is disabled. Good quick gag.  Meanwhile our heroes aren’t sure what to do despite having tons of magical items.. until they think what would donald do.. and he’d just at least try and thus corm a GIANT FUCKING MAGIC CANON OUT OF THEM. Very nice. They blow the doors off.. and through the back.. and into the money bin where we get a scrooge cameo. 

And he’s voiced by Eric Bauza.. which is sadly not great because it’s far from his best work and dosen’t even really attempt a scottish accent. 

But our heroes storm the gate.. after Xandra easily disposes of the dog guards.. who Sheldgosoe apparently raised to do this... still not entirely over that. They find the staircase and the triplets op to go back while the rest charge in and prepare to fight leopold. 

Back at the Cabana, Donald and Daisy return via tub and Donald, seeing the swirling vortex of darkness outside sheldgoose manor, tells daisy he has to go his friends need him it’s his destiny, gives her one hell of a kiss she dosen’t deserve.. oh and earlier he told her “Thanks for being patient with me” and she tells him it was worth the wait. Ha ha... I hope you get hit by a rusty tractor you unfathomable blight on duck kind. 

So part one ends with Donald heading for the treasure chamber to armor up. 

Sheldgoose Square Dance:  Part two begins with Sheldgoose putting the staff in place, and an egg emerging. Weird.. and as a result of that Leopold sense his ‘Daddy’ and leaves, and before the cabs can charge in donald shows up, now confident, at full strength and after tripping as you’d epxct, with the other cabs armor and in his. The guys suit up, and we get to see both jose’s.. amazing.. toned.. stomach. 

And Panchito’s big belly.. which I have one of those so we’re twinsies. And Xandra of course watches Jose change slyly. Eh i’ts a bit creepy but I can’t blame her for sneaking a peak as long as she didn’t linger. 

So our heroes are suited up, look awesome and have their trademark weapons Let’s fucking go!

Back at the ranch, the Nieces talk to daisy and having grabbed a weird document last time, are trying to piece it together. Daisy.. is suddenly really good with puzzles and helps them with it. They reform it and.. don’t really do much until after the danger has passed and I avoid another cornary yelling innterally at this unpleasant pile of hippo excrement. 

So while the Cabs dash to stop feldrake feldrake awakens.. as a demon baby. And Sheldgoose has about a minute of mockery before feldrake smacks him around with telekensis and agrees while his mind’s affected by his current state, he’s still fully aware and can talk and seeing the cabs are coming gives him a bit of power, i’d say about as much or a little more than what feldrake had as a staff, and sends him after the cabs. 

So we get one of the most awesome moments if not THE most awesome moment in the entire series as something from EVERY episode makes a come back as shelgoose, after trying some zaps, back in full robe and cloak, MAKES HIS OWN ZOOM POINT. Thus it becomes an utterly awesome back and forth as sheldgoose summons one thing from the past and xandra summons another to counter. And it avoids reptititon as the sheer sight of characters from each episode battling it out, and never knowing which ones next, keeps it intresting. 

In order: Sheldgoose summons the moon bots, Xandra summons the roman gods to hack them to pieces, after the boys get some shots in too. Sheldgoose blocks the way with lava lizards, the cabs respond with a goblin army who block the lava river and use a cat launcher against them, courtsey of king vomit. Sheldgosoe unleashes the tengu, the cabs unleash king arthur.. and we get the immortal line from donald “Thanks king arthur!”. Sheldgoose summons his ancestors, the cabs summon the ghost presidents! And in a call back that had me clapping Sheld summons the termintes.. and xandra summons THE MINOTAUR! And Sheldgoose thirsts over him. .huh.. so shledgosoe is bi good for him. And for a final distraction sheldgoose summons.. the dragon.. that was from the adventure they just had he had no way of knowing about. 

So with that out fo the way our heroes and villians both reach feldrake.. whose awakened and is.. this

Really.. weird , if still threanting, deisgn aside, Feldrake now at full power turns new quackmore into the psycadelic starry battlefield we saw in the intro to the series and thus the final battle begins. We see the fight from the start.. but it’s now even MORE beautiful and glorious with context. Before we saw three strangers, if ones we knew from other works fighting some evil we never met. Now we’ve seen our heroes grow, both as people, and as heroes, learning from every encounter, getting stronger with every fight and slowly getting noticably more compitent: going from falling all over themselves just to work a ship, to defeating dragons, tengu, and other horrors as a team. And we’ve seen jus thow petty and cruel feldrake is.. and how serious the stakes are and what our heroes tand to loose should they fail. It’s not perfect.. we could stand to loose daisy and new quackmore dosen’t mean much, though Sheldgoose gets to zap regina into a worm, but it’s still AWESOME and feels like a tremendous payoff and Donald’s predator bro fist thing with Panchito has more weight. Our heroes have risen to their peak and now they face one last obstacle to becoming legends.  The fight is fluid, awesome and gorgeously animated and utterly epic in every sense of the word and we catch up to their seeming defeat.. only for something we DIDN’T know about last time to help.. Xandra who gets htem out of the way. It’s a long and fantastic fight, with our heroes eventaully getting knocked over to a pool while Xandra tries her best to hold feldrake off, but is clearly wearing down despite doing her best. 

Yeah while itw as established Feldrake was melting down the amulets and we saw a pool of resdiual magic, so teh magical pool of stuff the cabs find them at WAS set up.. but what happens next remotely wasn’t. The cabs fall in and commuincate with blazebeak the creator of the amulets who embues them with their power. Where he came from, why he’s just showing up n ow.. I dunno, it comes off as a really badly setup deus ex machina.. but it still dosen’t hurt the finale that bad. A little yes, as everything else is so well paced and feels like so much payoff.. but the awesomeness of our heroes glowing with their signture colors, rushing in to save xandra and then ari, who swiped the rest of the magic goop, giving it to xandra to reivvie her.. overrides it. Sometiems somethings too stupid to be awesome.. and sometimes it’s so awesome it overides common sense. So yeah poorly set up yes.. still fucking awesome also yes. 

Our heroes tear feldrake apart and realize once they see the now empty staff floating in the void they can simply reseal him. Sheldgoose interupts it.. but the nieces arrive riding on humphrey and knock him inot a golden toilet... again I fucking love this job. Our heroes then try ghost bustering him back into the staff and SHeldgoose tries saving him by breaking it.  And it seemingly fails.. new quackmore is restored, Sheldrake’s gone and the town remembered EVERYTHING, cheering at their new heroes and saviors. Sheldgoose finds the staff gone and bemoans his lost master.. and soon looses his presidency as regina strips him of it. With his own powers gone Sheldgoose flees on Leopold, and while Regina tries to take the presdiency for herself.. the girls reveal the document explains if a sheldgoose is absent.. a coot takes his place. And since Donald is the only remaning coot apart from Della and she’s busy actually raising her kids in this continuity apparently, Donald is the new president. While Regina vows to beat him in an election.. our heroes are now happy, with the lawyer from the first episode backing Donald’s claim up. So Donald now has a new job, a new purpose in life, his girlfriend back, which is negiably a good thing, and a new family he dearly loves and tells them as much. Awww. Also he gets the mansion, which our heroes promptly plan to move into. Donald and Daisy fight, of fucking course, our heroes claim roms and Xandra and Jose share a moment. The series gets a truly satsifyign and happy ending.. and a sequel hook as it turns out feldrake is now in sheldgooses body and the tow are going ot have to share it as Sheldgoose has leopold take them to a house with legs.. so the baba yaga then. Sadly we’ll probably never see with this leads.. and this is the end. 

Final Thoughts on the finale two parter: While the first half is a bit weak in the yeti stuff, the rest of it is incredibly strong and Sheldgoose Square Danc,e while having the worst name of the series.. is easily it’s best episode, tying everythign together greatly and being one, tense and epic finale the whole way through. A true masterpiece and a clear sign the series would be even BETTER going forward had it actually been allowed to live and a true shame.. but even with the sequel hooks aside.. it’s still an utterly sastifying, joyous note to go out on and i’m GLAD I saved this one for last, as it provided a great capper for both the series and this retrospective. 

Final thoughts on Legend of the Three Cablleros:

This series.. was excellent. While at first I wasn’t sure it’s rep was warranted, as the first three episodes were good but had flaws and four and five were not great.. everything after that is sublime. The series has it’s flaws, the character devlopment is uneven, the characters can be made into caractures of themselves once in a while and the writing on Daisy is horrid and i’ve said enough on that to last me a lifetime and is easily the worst part of an otherwise fantastic show. But yeah.. as I said OTHERWISE fantastic, as while the daisy stuff is very bad, it’s for the most part in the background of a VERY good show with great voice acting, fun pacing, and beautiful animation.  It’s a loveletter to clasic disney animation, holding tons of mythology gags and refrences and having humphrey as a main character, but with unquie touches like letting the nieces have a starring roll and everything about xandra and sheldgoose. It’s a unique, wonderful and awesome addition to the disney animated canon and deserves a second season or some other sort of revivial. This was a wonderful note to go out on and I’m throughly glad I finally watched it.  So with this the Ride of the Three Cablleros is almost over.. but come back, let’s say next week, for one last party as we count down the top 12 cabs moments and celebrate these happy chappies in matching serapes one last time. Until then.. it’s been a pleasure.. and Kevin.. thank you. 

[hopelikethemoon]

Therapy Session (Javier x Reader) {MTMF}

Title: Therapy Session Rating: PG Length: 2000 Warnings: Mild Angst. Notes: You can find everything about Maybe Today, Maybe Forever here. Set in January 1999.  Summary: Reader goes to therapy after the holidays.

@grapemama​​@seawhisperer​​@huliabitch​​@beccaplaying​​@rogrsnbarnes​​@thewallpapergoesorido​​​ @twomoonstwosuns​​@gooddaykate​​@livasaurasrex​​@ham4arrow​​@plexflexico​​​ @readsalot73​​ @hdlynn​​@lokiaddicted​​ @randomness501​​​ @fioccodineveautunnale​​  @roxypeanut​​@snivellusim​​@lukesrighthand​​ @historynerd04 @mrsparknuts​​​@synystersilenceinblacknwhite​​​ @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead​​ @exrebelshocktrooper​​​@awesomefandomsunited​​​ @ah-callie​​​@swhiskeys​​​@lady-tano​​​ @u-wakatoshii​​ @space-floozy​​​@cable-kenobi​​​ @cool-ultra-nerd​ @himbopoes​​​@findhimfives​​​@pedrosdoll​​​@frietiemeloen​​​@arrowswithwifi​​​ @random066​​ @uncomicalhumour​​​@heather-lynn​​​@domino-oh-damn​@cyarikaaa​​​@ahopelessromanticwritersworld​​​ @im-still-a-pieceofgarbage @ksgeekgirl​​​@yabby-girl​​​@xqueenofthecraziesx​​​@punkass-potato​​​@coredrive​​​@pascalesque​​​@theduchessofkirkcaldy​​​ @queenquazar​​​@sabinemorans​​​@buckstaposition​​​@holkaskrosnou​​​@yespolkadotkitty​​@fleetwoodmactshirt​​​ @seeking-a-great–perhaps @kochamcie​​​@jaime1110​​​@katlikeme​​​

Nancy carefully removed her glasses sitting them atop her desk before opening a drawer and pulling out a glasses cleaning cloth. “How were the holidays?”

You watched her hands as she wiped each lean carefully, inspecting them for smudges. 

“Surprisingly relaxing.” You offered, shifting on the sofa as your gaze flickered towards the clock on the wall. Javier had agreed to joining you for today’s session — at Nancy’s prompting. 

“You slipped your December session,” Nancy pointed out. 

“It was a busy month.” You pushed your fingers through your hair nervously. “But a good one. We went to Laredo for Thanksgiving, came back and went headfirst into planning for Christmas.”

“And how did Christmas go?”

“Really well,” You caught your lip between your teeth, hesitating for just a second. “Mitch and his family came down from Philly. It was good to see him again. All of them, really.”

“So you did follow through with that,” Nancy tilted her head, her eyes meeting yours briefly. “Did it bring any memories back to the surface?” She questioned.

“I…” You started glancing down at your hands. “There have been a lot of memories since October.” 

“And how does it feel to be addressing them again? Based on your session in November,” Nancy flipped open her notebook. “You repressed quite a bit of your childhood.”

“Yes.” You agreed. “But, Javier was incredible and let me vent about the past. He kept me grounded. He was so understanding.”

She nodded, making a note in the book. “How have you been managing the memories? 

You blinked, “I’m not running from them, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

“I mentioned nothing about running.”

“No, but…” You frowned. “It’s just the impression I get. After the last session—“

“When it became clear that you avoided addressing deeply traumatic aspects of your life during your subsequent visits?” Nancy arched a brow at you as she replaced her glasses, peering at you over the rims. “Why is it that you see yourself as running from your trauma?”

“Because I’ve moved past it.” You said with an edge to your voice, “Would you prefer that I dwell on it?” You questioned. “It would keep me coming back, wouldn't it?”

Nancy made a note in the book, “Defensive.” 

You folded your arms across your chest, “I spent sixteen years living in the trauma and five trying to grow out of it.” You gritted out. “There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t second guess my actions out of fear that I’ve become her.”

“So you haven’t moved past it?”

“No, I—“

Nancy gave you a skeptical look. “It’s not uncommon to feel like your trauma is ever present, but you have to accept and address that. You can’t simply pretend it away.” 

“I have addressed it.” You retorted. “I’ve packed it up, stamped a label on it, and have it ready to ship.” 

Nancy shook her head, “Trauma is never fully overcome, it's a process you have to work at.” She jotted another note down. “You mentioned feeling like you’ve become her… Would you care to elaborate?”

You chewed on your thumbnail, looking away from her for a long moment. “I stress about motherhood. I’m consciously aware of doing everything the opposite of what she did while raising my girls. I want them to have everything I didn’t have.”

“Like what?”

“Love.” You answered without hesitation. “Javier and I love each other in a way my mother was never capable of loving her partners. And on top of that, I try to show them the love they deserve. That’s part of the reason why I ended up here to begin with. The way I felt after Sofía was born scared me.”

Nancy nodded, glancing down at the notebook. “The fact that you’re aware of your actions, would indicate that you’re not following the same patterns as your mother.”

“I hope I’m not.” You sighed heavily, looking towards the door as someone knocked at it. “That’ll be Javier.” You told Nancy as she got up to answer the door. 

“Welcome,” Nancy ushered him in. “We were just finishing our first half of the session.” She gestured to you, “Please, sir.” 

Javier sank down onto the sofa beside you, reaching over to take your hand into his. “How are you doing, baby?” He questioned, lifting your hand to his lips and kissing each knuckle. 

You shrugged, “We’re about ten minutes into — why I didn’t address the mother elephant in the room.”

He squeezed your hand three times.

“How have you been, Javier?” Nancy questioned as she sat down at her desk again. “How were the holidays?”

“I’ve been good.” He answered, shifting on the sofa as he got comfortable. “We went to see my pops for Thanksgiving, took the girls and the dog and made a week of it.” Javier dragged his fingers through his hair, glancing at you. “Did you tell her about your brother coming to visit?”

You nodded. 

“How did that go?”

“Really well,” Javier offered, shrugging a shoulder. “Christmas Eve we had friends and family altogether to welcome them, “Christmas morning was just family.” 

Nancy nodded, “We didn’t get to meet after the Halloween incident.” She flipped through her notebook. “How did you cope with the scenario?”

“How did I cope?” He cocked his head to the side. “Frankly, it wasn’t about how I felt during it. I was merely there to stand up for her.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. 

“But given what I was told, it seems that her mother antagonized you. How did that make you feel?” 

Javier cleared his throat, rubbing his hands together. “Not great, but after our relationship ended up in the public spotlight, I learned to ignore outside commentary.” 

You reached out and ran your hand down his back, “Rebecca knows where to strike.” You added. “She would’ve lashed out similarly to any man in my life. She knew that my father was my lifeline and she always saw any male figure in my life as a threat.” 

Javier nodded his head in agreement. “We worked through it. I listened, I comforted… everything you taught us to do after Sofía was born.”

Nancy hastily wrote in her notebook, “On a scale of one to ten, how well do you think the situation was handled.” 

He blinked, “Nine?”

You pursed your lips and nodded in agreement, “I’d say nine too.”

“Interesting.” Nancy hummed and your expression fell. 

“Interesting?”

“Nothing negative about interesting,” She assured you. “And how has your intimacy been? Has it suffered during this tumultuous period?”

You felt your cheeks warm as you shook your head, “No, it’s been good.”

“A few stolen minutes when the girls are asleep,” Javier added, staring at the ground.

“There was also the night at the ranch,” You pointed out, leaning your arm against his. That had been a risky endeavor, considering you were very much not alone. “And we were kid free for New Year’s Eve.”

Nancy nodded and took a few more notes before closing her notebook and looking between the two of you, “What are the faces for?”

You felt Javier tense beside you, “Nothing we’re comfortable with sharing right now.” You told Nancy, looping your arm through his. “Just rest assured that we’ve got intimacy covered. No dry spells here.” 

Javier’s Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, “Definitely no complaints here.” 

You fought the smirk that was playing at the corners of your lips. New Year’s Eve had been all of two days ago — and the memory of Javier writhing beneath you was still vivid in your mind. 

But that was not a conversation for therapy. 

Nancy hummed thoughtfully as she sat her glasses atop her notebook. “Continue addressing the situation head-on,” She advised. “You can patch the wounds of trauma, but they’ll still ache. Continue discussing it with each other.” She fixed Javier with a stern look. “I suggest opening up about your own mother.”

Javier shifted in his seat, “Alright.” 

“Have a lovely rest of your month,” Nancy said as you both rose from the sofa to leave. 

“That was—“ You cut yourself off, shaking your head slowly. “I shouldn’t have skipped December.”

“Hey,” Javier caught your hand, pulling you towards him. “December was crazy.”

“I don’t actually want to rehash things.” You told him. “Mitch and I had a walk down memory lane and that’s about all I can stomach for right now. Rebecca doesn’t get to live rent free in our relationship.”

He nodded and pressed a kiss to your forehead, “If you don’t feel like you need to work on it right now, don’t.” 

You sighed heavily, digging your teeth into your bottom lip. “I didn’t even get to talk about starting at the university next week.”

“Still a good session?”

You shrugged, “It’s good to talk about everything with a third party. I cried my heart out in November, this month didn’t really have anything left to give.”

Javier interlaced your fingers and guided you out of the office building and down to the car. He was clearly trying to make up for you being disappointed with the session, because he made a point to open the passenger door for you. 

You loosely tied your hair back into a knot as you got yourself settled in your seat. “Thank you for coming today. You didn’t have to.”

He squeezed your knee briefly, before starting up the car and backing out of the parking spot. “Baby, I’ll do whatever I have to, to help you.” 

You smiled to yourself, looking out the window. “I’m really fine.” You assured him. “I’m not gonna spiral because of any of this. I did that in November and I’m not doing it again.”

He clicked his tongue against his teeth, giving a stiff nod. “What else did you discuss?”

“Uh,” You scrunched up your nose. “The holidays, Mitch, my mother. Rehashed some of the last session briefly.” You shrugged. “I felt like she was hoping I might unload. But I’m so done dwelling on the past, Javier.”

“Me too, baby.” 

“You know I worry about becoming her. About curbing those impulses when they strike.” 

Javier nodded. 

You pressed your tongue to the inside of your cheek and sighed heavily. “It was only sixteen years of my life.” You reiterated. “I’m pushing forty. I’ve got my only family to worry about.”

“And you’ve done a fucking amazing job, baby.” He assured you. 

“It’s just bullshit,” You laughed harshly. “Isn’t it something that I overcame my hang ups when Josie happened? I never could imagine all of this,” You gestured vaguely between. “Because I had no reference of healthy relationships aside from Mitch and Darla. Not to speak ill of the dead, because I know my mother was a monster, but my father still left me with her. You know? And I just assumed it would… repeat.” 

“I know.” None of it was new information for Javier. 

“I mean, did Nancy want to hear me admit again that I still wake up in the middle of the night terrified that you left me?” You pressed your palms over your eyes and let out a frustrated sound. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He rubbed your leg. “How about pizza tonight?” Javier questioned, expertly changing the subject.

You perked up a little, “Extra cheese.” You said, snapping your fingers and pointing at him. “And you can order your monstrosity.”

“Blame Monica.”

“Pineapple doesn’t go on pizza, Javier.” You scolded him, but ended up snorting as you started to laugh. 

“Did you just snort?” Javier started laughing, slapping his hand against the steering wheel as he stopped at a light. “Baby!”

“Hey, pineapple… and ham pizza is a divorceable offense.” You managed to get out between laughs. 

“You wouldn’t.”

“Maybe not, but I can threaten it.” You teased, wiping at the tears that had slid down your cheeks from laughing so hard. “Thank you.”

“I love you,” Javier reminded you and you felt your heart warm at those words. Still, after all this time they made you swoon. What would you do without him?