#and now im out over $2000 for staying a month in this shitty fucking hotel room
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Rant in tags with suicide mention
#im struggling a lot today#i just keep thinking about my grandma and how she refused to help me in this hopeless situation#she has a huge house with three open bedrooms and a whole basement and she refused to let us stay with her#because she wants her new fucking boyfriend to move in with her#and now im out over $2000 for staying a month in this shitty fucking hotel room#when that money could have went towards permanent housing if only she had let us stay a month or two and figure it out#i already cut contact with her when she said she wouldnt let us stay with her#but all day today i cant stop thinking about it. i thought she fucking cared about me but apparently she cares more about a guy#that shes known for maybe 2 years?#combined with the suicidal thiughts i have#i just cant stop thinking about committing and what i would say to her before doing so#i cant stop thinking that if i did commit if we become homeless that she could have easily prevented it#i just want to hurt her as much as she has hurt me#and i hate that. but im in the worst situation ive ever been in my life and she cant even help me by giving us money even#when all the rest of my family is doing everything they can#becuase weve wasted all our savings were going to have to stay here at least another month#but possibly even 2-3 more months#when we could have just taken a month or two at max to get things figured out and get permanent housing#i cant rationalize why she would not help us unless she doesnt give a shit about me#so honestly FUCK her. i told her she should never expect to hear from me again and i stand by that.
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