#and i hate that. but im in the worst situation ive ever been in my life and she cant even help me by giving us money even

[pielove123clan]

My head's being mean to me again. Big oof.

[adilynnyuri]

I hope this isnt trauma dumping or sm but i just needed to get this out and also get some advice and i think i really like ur advice. So i have been jn a relationship w my bf for 2 years now and i love him with my heart and soul and we plan to get married ( ee are still young but we see that as the futuregoal) so up tntil a few months back i used to just go to random s*x chat groups and something and would share my nudes nd just stuff like that and would also watch p*rn .. these are both things that me and my bf would a 100% consider cheating and if he did this to me i would kill myself out of sorrow. I absolutely hate myself and am disgusted at myself i was distracted for a little while with my exams but now they are over and now im crying all the time again just thinking about what i did to the boy i love the most. At the time i didnt think much of it and at first i would just talk w people but slowly i started sharing nudes and i did this a couple of times until i realized a few months back how wrong it is. I have no idea how i didnt realise how wrong this is?Up until this i was a really good person i dont think ive ever hurt anybody and i am very nice also but now idk i just hate myself and everything about me .Every day whenever i think aboyt this i cant help but cry and think there really isnt anything else i can do. Of course i have changed and wouldnt think of doing such a thing again but still the fact that i did it in the first place makes me want to die.

Ik its so selfish but i cant keeo thinking that he will do sm like this to me also and that ill get my karma. Does karma really even exist and how do i get myself to atop thinking this now i always suspect him of cheating and talking to other girls. Hes done sm similar to cheating to me but nothing on this level. What he did is nothing ckmpared to what i did.

And in the context of manifesting, should i manifest that none of this ever happened and for me to be a really nice person or shoukd i manifest that this completely gets erased from my memory or what?? This also messes up my manifestion so much i cant helo hut tell myself that i dont deserve good things as im a bad person . Please help. If youre not comfortable answering this then im sorry for wasting ur time

Hii love!

BABE CALM DOWN! I UNDERSTAND YOU!!

I totally understand you and your situation but I am here to help you and to remind you THAT YOU DIDN'T AND WILL NEVER DO ANY MISTAKES!

First of all, WHATEVER HAPPENS REMEMBER!

Don't EVER LOSE HOPE!! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO'S CREATING BOTH GOOD/BAD SITUATIONS THAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES!!

You are the MAIN CHARACTER! YOU NEVER FACE ANY PROBLEMS!!

And imo Idgaf to karma. I don't even consider it's real. BUT I WILL USE IT TO MY ADVANTAGE BY AFFIRMING THAT WHOEVER TRIES TO HARM ME IN ANY WAYS THEY WILL COMPLETELY FACE THE WORST.

I understand that you feel guilty about your activities! But! NEVER LET IT TAKE CONTROL OVER YOU! AND DON'T THINK YOU ARE BAD PERSON OR SOMETHING!!

You are limitless and you can do anything!

Until you don't hurt anyone in the name of manifestation, YOU ARE NEVER A BAD PERSON OR DOING ANY BAD!

⭐I will give you an example from my life!

My success in revising an embarrassing situation!

Once I did something very embarrassing like so embarrassing I just wanted to k!ll myself💀 but then I thought why should I do that to myself? I was born in this world to be happy and cherished 24/7! so I just affirmed robotically that NOTHING BAD HAPPENED AND I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT AND MY DP WHO WITNESSED THAT FORGETS IT TOO! (It was very tough for me too! The shit which I did kept popping up in my mind, BUT I DIDN'T GIVE MUCH ATTENTION TO THAT AND KEPT AFFIRMING!)

Well it just took me 1 day! One full day of robotic affirmations! LITERALLY THE VERY NEXT DAY EVEN I FORGOT AND MY DP TOTALLY FORGOT!! I WAS SO SO HAPPY!

Suggestion for you! 💕

I know it's so tough for you to affirm totally against of what happened, but trust me! JUST AFFIRM! YOU ARE SO POWERFUL LOVE! JUST REVISE SAYING,

"I never did anything bad and I am never guilty"

I AM BEING 1000000% SURE WHATEVER YOU WANT WILL HAPPEN. WHATEVER YOU WANTED TO CHANGE, WILL CHANGE! MORE LIKE, IT HAS ALREADY CHANGED !!

With lots of love,

ADILYNN YURI🤍🌷

[rubbership]

free free to delete or answer this privately -- ohhhh my gd your point about millennials absolutely refusing to take accountability and bitching & moaning while grooming us absolutely got to me.

my own groomers/abusers were either millennials or gen z emulating millennials. downplaying & making jokes out of personal trauma to cope is one thing, but i'm so sick of millennials (and some facets of gen z) refusing to admit what they're doing to themselves and especially to others is harmful.

we get it, you (general you) are upset that you're an adult now after being raised by gen x -- acknowledge you are an adult, acknowledge you have power in situations, that what you say & do means something, positive & negative, regardless of intent. LEARN WHERE YOU ARE AT FAULT & TEACH YOURSELF BETTER!

tl;dr, i am SO glad you brought this up. it's been abstractly nagging at me for days, coincidentally.

yep, yep yep yep. my experiences with grooming was all millenials and late gen z/"zillenials" too, and not only are they so fast to make jokes out of their personal trauma but specifically put the spotlight on you to either comfort them or make your own joke. and it is so, so fucking awkward because 90% of the time im like. youre the one who traumatized me. this isnt a comradery where we talk about mutual traumas. youre doing it again. youre doing the exact thing you did when i was 14. youre making weird trauma jokes and then are forcing me to comfort you or to play along. its the same fucking dynamic. how have you not realized this. and if you point this out they FREAK THE FUCK OUT.

i have a couple tiktoks on this topic and let me tell you the reception was fucking terrible. i made a couple different videos talking about my frustration about how millennials kind of just "got away" with grooming us despite there being so much public evidence of it happening everywhere and how gen z and gen alpha deserve the right to speak up about this and they are my worst received videos. out of everything ive made. ive made videos about incels and transphobes and 4chan and terfs and abusive distant parents. but its the post about millennials that got me the worst hate. millennials in DROVES were coming into my comments harassing me and saying extremely disgusting and triggering shit about me, then turning around and calling me a cry baby and a sensitive snowflake for ~crying about it on the internet~ when they never made it anyone elses problem that THEY were abused. like its actually insane. its insane!

its even more insane to me because before that, i had MULTIPLE VIDEOS DEFENDING MILLENNIALS. MULTIPLE! where i talk about how their clothing interests and lingo like doggo and puppo and friendo or whatever the fuck might be cringy but thats also going to happen to gen z when we get older, that thats just a part of how trend cycles work through aging and how its a beautiful thing to be able to live to that point where younger gens call you cringe. and how gen z should be more aware of this because theyre really scared of being cringe and its inevitable, once gen alpha is in their late teens and early twenties, our lingo and style and behaviors will be so normalized that people will think we're cringy and out of date and annoying. its a good thing! it means youre the adult now! it doesnt mean anything if kids think youre cringe because. theyre kids. give them a few years. theyll be cringe too as adults.

and now im just. i literally cant believe it. they were my worst ever received videos and it got genuinely scary. i had people screaming at me in my comments about how "millenials didnt even use the websites" i listed (youtube, tumblr, twitter) and how millenials NEVER interacted with gen z, and how we're all just pussies and pansies and snowflakes and faggots for ever bringing this up. it was insane. like i genuinely cannot believe it. it scares the fuck out of me, and its making me realize that this is likely connected to the whole fetish situation i keep talking about on my furry account. i notice that a lot of the really big vocal "profetish" or "proshipping" accounts are also always millenials or older gen z. i dont know what the fuck is going on with them, but they need to shut up and get help. like i genuinely feel grossed out for defending them so much in the past. i genuinely did defend them, i think the generation gap and the idea of cringe is something that really damages society and shit, but god after that i was like. oh something is really, really really wrong with you guys.

i dont know whats going on. i feel like everyones decided they want to become a baby again. especially millenials. but like. EVERYONE. its just so fucking weird. so so so fucking weird. i still cant believe how many comments i got that were like OK BUT MILLENIALS DIDNT EVEN FUCKING USE SOCIAL MEDIA. and id be like heres a list of millenials on youtube who publically groomed their audience and theyd be like WELL HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT THAT and id be like. you didnt know about miranda sings. or onision. or cryaotic. or dream. or most of the minecraft rpers. ever? youve never heard about them? it was insane. like genuinely. i cannot believe they said theyve never used youtube/twitter/tumblr/instagram. ever. THATS INSANE

WHAT AN INSANE AMOUNT OF DENIAL.

[dearestdo3]

I saw your pregnant!Voldemort art, and I had this idea: (It may or may not be omegaverse) Voldemort and Harry are together, and he knows that Harry always wanted to have a family. So he does everything he can to get pregnant, but it's hard to conceive and when he does he has many miscarriages. Voldemort insists on keeping trying, but Harry doesn't want to see any more miscarriages. Voldemort thinks that Harry will leave him for not being able to have children. He knows that it's his fault that his body is not fit for pregnancy. He asks for one last try, and Harry accepts. He manages to get pregnant, during the gestation Voldemort makes a deal with Death, he agrees to lose all his magic in exchange for Death not taking his baby. The pregnancy is difficult and complicated, and ends in a long and painful birth. Death didn't say he wouldn't take Voldemort with him. Voldemort survives because he uses (unconsciously) the magic of love (he loves Harry and the baby). A girl is born and has magic. Voldemort loses his magic. The girl is named Eliana (means God has answered). Sorry if this is too much distressing, I just wanted to share this idea. ;w;

anon thank you so much for feeding me you absolutely have no clue how much i love angst in general!! whump and pregnant tom/voldemort is something ive desperately wanted for so long as well so im eating a buffet w ur ask 😭💕

link to post for self promo 😘

more rambles under cut!

ive always loved v's determination, so despite the miscarriages and the emotional + physical toll it takes on him, he def would still trudge forward bc he has a goal and he will tunnelvision until he gets what he wants. I'm thinking this would be omegaverse and v got hit with the worst baby fever he ever experienced in his life. It just so happened that he could feel how harry years for a family he can call his own so he'd start plotting in his head and execute it entirely on his own.

harry as you said of course hated seeing him doing that to himself and felt guilty over his wish that drove v like this, but one last time they tried for a baby (per harry's insistence that it will be the LAST time ever) and it actually worked <3

omega!v would be a force to be reckoned with definitely, w how protective pregnant omegas are in general. he's already a lot normally, but pregnant v? he will do everything to make sure the child survives if it means sacrificing lives

v losing his magic would be a very extreme situation though i feel like, since hes always been very very dependent on his magic and its something absolutely precious to him. but if there's no way else than to lose his magic in exchange for a life that is a part of his own, he'd take a looooong while to think about it first (even if harry promised he will protect v and the child)

and eliana is such a cute name!! 💚

deviating from your ask though, I'm more of a believer that if they were to concieve, harry and v would accidentally create a child and v is too proud to admit it wasn't part of his big master plan to keep harry with him lmao

Harry in my head would've had a horrific time trying to process everything and is so flabbergasted at how casual v is with this sudden revelation. Of course due to age, v's gaunt genetics, non-human body, the pregnancy is really hard on him that he can barely even do the simplest magic the more the baby grows. it kills him inside that he has to rely on harry/DEs for a lot of things, made him feel like he's weak and fragile and his ego can't handle it, so his mood worsened and he's far more intimidating/mean to harry/his followers than usual.

when the baby's born he will also be protective, rarely ever leaving the bed much less the bedroom. nobody but him and harry can meet the child, and this protective mood prevails until she can actually start walking on her own (like baby snakes leaving the nest after they hatch) 😊😊 harry is still finding his footing with this new weird family that v gave him but eventually he will grow into a dadgirl who does everything he can to influence his princess to sort into gryffindor and play quidditch like him lol

[infranthrax]

helo. im one they call 🍂 and id like to. make a request. i hope ur doing okay (*＞∇＜)ﾉ ur free to write this or not

i would like to request an angst w/ a good ending type of thing if its okay. a platonic f!reader&heartslabyul (seperately. if its limited to one character, you can go with riddle) headcanon that has the following plot;

mc is a pessimistic person, a very tired, overworked one. all they want is a bit of peace and quiet, but they care about the heartslabyul gang very much. they have kind of become a mom/older sister to the group (kinda like trey). anyway, one day the gang realizes that mc seems more irritable than usual which results in them making a snide remark/get in an arguement about the guy's flaws (like how riddle hurt many pre-overblot, how ace runs his mouth at the worst times, how deuce is not the brightest around, cater being addicted to his little social media sites, and trey ignoring the problems regarding riddle because he didnt want conflict, etc etc) that would hurt them.

they kind of ghosting everyone for a couple of days to calm down, and then they awkwardly come back with a box of sweets (that they managed to purchase by scraping by lmao, girlie's poor as hell...) to apologize, and eat them over tea! mc apologizes directly and wants to make up for their words, but they are not the best at speaking their mind.

ive seen countless fics where the main cast gets to be the agressive and sad, sopping wet cats, and reader comforting them. ngl, i wanted to write a piece where MC is the "sad little pathetic shrimp" but i just didnt have the time. anyway, i hope you like this prompt

oh my god I love this prompt! the mc is definitely the therapist of the group and I can imagine this happening… I restricted it down to just riddle given how detailed this prompt was, the rest of the dorm is self explanatory.☺️/pos (and thank you for your kind words! I hope you’re having a good day/night!)

generating new memory… please, one moment… ✨

𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊!

Heartslabyul x f!reader — headcanons!

sypnopsis: mc has had enough of the anal shenanigans after a near traumatic event, and she lashes back out at riddle, who is left bewildered and heated at the event.

light tw // domestic conflict, implied traumatic event

riddle rosehearts

riddle is just anal and sometimes he comes off as bossy and or ungrateful. that’s not really his intention however. that’s just an act of conditioning he’s been through.

so when he sees that you’re overwhelmed, at first he blind sighted to it. riddle isn’t great per se at emotions— let alone the ones of other people.

he gets on you for being late to class one day and it all piles up. You’re in a dorm full of boys— what girl wouldn’t have enough? at the time it was little around the time in which riddle overblotted, and he just went on with daily life like none of that ever happened.

he fucking hurt your ass. quite frankly that was the first (of many) overblots you’ll have to go through, and that’s how you’re gonna handle it? hell no, especially after the fact that you had to play superwoman to get the goons out of a near death situation.

before this, you had gotten into tiffs with the redhead on numerous occasions, trying to ground him down. never really did it work though as he was always stuck in his perfectionist ways. and you hated that about him because his mannerisms reflected into you.

he expected you to be able to carry yourself in a manner that would suit him. he expected you to dress a certain way. he expected you to follow his orders, his rules, his ultimatum. that you couldn’t stand any longer.

when he got on you for being tardy, the melting pot overflowed… and it wasn’t pretty either. let’s say you were in pain, in addition to your mental health plummeting due to not really having anyone to talk to, and then when mother nature calls upon you for your monthly drain you must attend.

you shouldn’t mess with the wrath of a woman on her period. this, riddle learned the hard way… with you.

“riddle… i swear… on god’s green earth, if you don’t shut the hell up… i’m fucking TRYING. I’M TRYING! FUCK YOU, YOU UPTIGHT PIECE OF SHIT, GO ON SOMEWHERE!”

and then the fire brewed. and then it exploded. (quite literally.) it would be hellish screaming match between you two, despite riddle claiming he is above such things. he really isn’t, he’s got a temper that’s about as fagile as glass. (no, it’s not microwave safe.)

after your blow up with riddle, you both proceed to give each other the silent treatment for the better part of a month. during this time you find comfort in your other classmates, spending time with other students outside of heartsllabyul, namely vil and rook, just for a boost of female empowerment.

and while riddle was contemplating all the bullshit that went down between the two of you, he began to feel a little bit of guilt. mattered if fact, both of you did. you shouldn’t have been so aggressive and he shouldn’t have been so… well, himself.

before class one day you enter your lab room to see a small box at your seat with a little note attached to it.

it was from riddle— a little chocolate potion bottle with those biscuits— the exact ones from the disney movie. little did he know, you happened to pop by sam’s shop to get him some mini fruit tarts and snuck into his class early to put them on his desk. you ate his little gift up, in a little bit of worry. would he accept that?

at the end of the day though, you had to return to heartslabyul to see him. and what a surprise, he wanted to talk to you.

call it him playing kiss ass— no, he’s not. he’s sorry. to be true, he should be more careful and more intuitive as a dorm lead to ensure the comfort of his students, and he does understand that sometimes he can come off as overbearing or, dare i say dictatorial. it’s really not meant to cause harm. it has a lot to do with his upbringing.

and you were sorry too. and you both hugged it out. every couple has their tiffs, right? just something he’s gonna have to work on.

[teddie-bear420]

tier list

OPINONS UNDER THE CUT

warning this is super long and ranty but does have some silly doodles ill post else where :)

-teddie bear 420

I have had several dreams about vaggie and lute and alastor, they plage my every waking moment. one was me going to smooch city with alastor (very scary that man does not wash his teeth). the others vaggie just shows up sometimes

really liked vaggie in her angel flash back, her hair cut was so cute, not a fan she still has pink eye but what eves. I LOVE HER PONY TAIL THO, give my girl better hair styles!!!

do you think theyve explored each others bodies?

I hated lute at first cuz, just look at her. you could get snow blindness with how white that woman is oh my lord. but once the 8th episode rolled around with hot women fighting my brain kinda clicked on for our old second in command. i keep going back to her in my brain and slowly morphing her into a heart broken lesbian who has a superiority complex and bullies her crush and then moves on to having a sugar mama situation ship with Lilith.

alastor is just so fun and silly, and there's this one x reader fic that ive made fan art of, you've all seen it. i just love this guy but i like to imagine he's a woman just for me :)

i understand why he is a fan favorite

i love charlies look but i hate how childish she is, like girl you are like 24 kill your friends pimp. nifty molly emily are all so cute and i enjoy looking at them. cant wait for the nifty episode (delusional)

i do love nifty more than the rest of these ones tho. i see lots of folks talking about how nifty is alastors daughter or angel dusts little baby daughter SHUT UP

SHES 25 YEARS OLD AND MURDERED HER HUSBAND IN HER SLEEP. NIFTY CALLED ALASTOR OVER TO HAVE THEIR LUNCH DATE AND HIDE THE BODY!!!

OK maybe nifty lives in my dreams too

do you think theyve explored each others bodies?

mimzy makes me mad cuz the show hated having her there clearly, like why is she the only fat person in hell. dont worry girl, I'll appreciate you once again i have to make alastor a dyke for my own sanity

do you think they-

lilith and rosie are good to look at, i like how rosie talks and her showtunes, god i love her show tunes. pentious is the only yellow dude in hell. velvete looks like ass most of the time but I LOVE A BAD BITCH

like i said, no strong feelings

ok most of these dudes are too ugly or too annoying and i hate when they are on screen, lucifers pants are his skin, angel dust has the worst fashoin sense ever UGHS I HATE HIM WHERE ARE HIS TITS WAAAAAA

also i love that her name is sarah, thats such a basic name, like i can type alastor x reader and theres a bunch of results but if i typed sarah x reader, shes no where :(

also shes got that mlp horse face going on i love it

i despise carmilla carmine, i hate her dumb horns, i hate her unnamed daughters, i hate her skirt, i hate her song, i hate her blazed ass eyes, i hate her long hair

vox just looks bad i cant lie

OK ADUM MAKES ME SO MAD HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN JACK BLACK WE SHOULD HAVE SEEN HIM BEING A FAT BASTARD CUZ I WAS CONVINCED HE WAS ANOTHER SKINNY TWINK also i am an anti shipper when it comes to adum x lute cuz that shit is weaaaak. he is so mean to her and not in a hot way, adum is some incel and lute is a goddess

yeah, #adumisoverparty 2024 the most divorced man in heaven

i can not wait for season two dude, im so pumped

[transryanguzman]

I hope this is not about my post 😭 I get what you're saying, but in canon, buck's feelings are so often dismissed. And I love them both a lot but it's not really true that buck is granted more grace. The absolute hate he has received for years now... people petitioning for less screentime for him, blaming oliver for his storylines, siding with tommy in the "divorce", demanding an apology for the basketball accident (which we know must have happened off screen because as you say, these two always figure it out. But when has buck ever received an on screen apology, let's be honest)

I know you have the best intentions but your post kind of pits them against each other too

idk what post you’re referring to but i am simply talking about people acting like eddie is a monster who would not deserve to be loved by buck because he’s so mean to him. that’s literally all im referring to.

there’s no putting them against each other for me because i think they BOTH said and did things that hurt each other and disregarded each others feelings and i think that’s the entire narrative point of the entire episode. people hurting will hurt each other and there’s no good guy or bad guy there’s just guys who love each other trying to get through a really tough situation.

when i say buck is granted more grace i definitely mean by fandom - it’s literally been YEARS and i still see fics written where we vilify eddie for the “exhausting” comment that he made when he was grieving his dead wife, dealing with the trauma of almost losing his own son, and was literally legally not allowed to talk to the best friend who he had almost traumatically lost right in front of him. twice. (three times if you count the tsunami). the amount of fic and meta that i see centered around how mean and awful eddie is to pales in comparison to anything going the other way and most of the stuff going the other way is in response to the everyone is evil and so mean to buck narrative.

idk i can only speak to what i personally see so im sure there’s other stuff out there. but its just really frustrating to see comments about how buddie is a bad pairing bc eddie is mean and disrespectful to buck and he is a bad an unsupportive friend bc he doesnt show affection in the same ways as buck does or people saying buck didn’t deserve to be called out a little bit bc he was being kind of a dick, whether he realized it or not (and eddie was a dick too! but my point is just that it’s not fair to expect him to just roll with everything and not expect the same of buck).

and i am not saying NO ONE woobifies eddie but overwhelmingly, at least since thursday, the posts ive seen that basically make eddie out to be the worst friend ever have far exceeded anything else.

the tommy stuff for me is whatever bc i have my own opinions about the negativity around buck/oliver/the entire show that came out of that side of fandom after the break up and how i currently feel really alienated from a lot of people i really like because of it but that’s a much different post and probably one i’ll never make because my feelings are complex and probably irrational lmao.

[pommunist]

thank you for allowing people to vent their frustrations or discuss whats been happening in your inbox, a lot of qsmpblr from what ive seen wants to ignore anything besides brightest side outlooks and they shove everything else down by labelling things like the spreading of the latest updates as "doomposting".

i personally havent seen any actual doomposting (expecting the worst possible scenario, ex. "the server is over and will never come back") from anywhere besides a small handful of people who hate quackity on twitter, the closest i can find here is sentiments like "yeah i dont know if ill be back to actively watching every day even if everything is fixed" or "im so disillusioned at this point that im not coming back until we get concrete proof things are better" where its people personally deciding to (often temporarily) leave the fandom, not any actual doomposting or discouraging anyone to still follow the server because "theres no chance anything will ever be fixed".

so yeah, thank you for allowing stuff besides the most positive of takes in your askbox <3 im too scared to post stuff on my own because of the toxicly positive mindset on qsmpblr, so being able to vent my frustrations in your askbox really helps!

Tbh I don’t blame people who are complaining about what they see as « doomposting ». When you love something you don’t want to wake up every morning learning about another set of bad news on it, instead you want to believe that everything will be fixed and that you will soon be able to enjoy it like you used to.

However the situation IS bad. People are talking about negative things because they ARE happening. And it isn’t just some random drama like this is a situation that affected negatively on people, could even be considered breaching some laws and, also, be the end of the project. I don’t like saying that, obviously, but it’s the truth.

Saying it’s joever already won’t do any good but so will blindly hoping that things will be better. Tbh I’m happy that I haven’t seen much of both of these takes except from the extreme sides of the fandom (out of all the anons I got since it started very few were extremely negative, no hate to them btw feel free to vent in my askbox i just chose not to post them).

People can stop watching qsmp altogether, or just keeping to their fav ccs streams, some can chose to keep watching like they did before for X reasons, others are straight up leaving the fandom, it’s all fine, we just need to understand everyone’s perspective without jumping to judgement.

Side note : One thing I won’t tolerate here is hate on the admins who spoke up though (this + the usual assholery aka random hating, bigotry etc)

Personally I haven’t watched a qsmp stream since the situation was exposed but thats just because I don’t want to support the project rn and can’t enjoy the content knowing what we now know. That’s just me though !

Anyway rant over kkkk thanks for the nice ask anon ! Weirdly I think keeping track of the situation and answering so many people who had questions/wanted to air out their thoughts is what helped me not dwell on my own sadness regarding what’s happening ahah

[goosehaver]

posting a lot today but idrc. im having fun.

i also made these. i actually made the tcw one a while back but on shitty string, just replaced it with stretch cord.

i got the materials cheap from joannes (rip) as well as several colors of fleece i'm excited to use for plush projects. it feels so nice to be excited about something creative again, however small it might be.

personal ramblings under cut (mentions of needles, medical context, talk of bloodwork and such, medications)

fun fact: that little dot on the back of my hand is from the iv. my other arm is all bruised up from the previous one and multiple failed attempts. ive actually had to have blood drawn/and iv placed 4 times (i think?) in the past 2 weeks, not counting the individual pokes each time. mostly from the gallbladder situation, but i also had my hrt checkup in the middle of all that. good thing i'm used to needles. still hurts, but it's not scary. i used to be terrified bc of a really bad experience, but literally every time since, regardless of pain and struggle, has been great in terms of the people doing it. that first time i think they were just inexperienced and kinda aggressive and i was already rlly scared (16 and had never had bloodwork) so it was kinda traumatic. but now i'm not ever nervous about it anymore. maybe a little about them being able to get it (ive had to be sent to other labs bc the staff just couldn't get my veins) but that's it. also, i found out it is, in fact, genetic. from my father. knew it wasn't my mom's side bc both she and my brother have "pipes" as she call them (she's a certified phlebotomist so she'd know). idk why he never mentioned it before since ive told him abt my issues, but im not surprised.

and for once i have all my prescriptions in order. ive had trouble with shipping (fuck that noise, i went back to the physical pharmacy) and insurance, but this time, i have all my shit. i was worried abt having to pay extra for the lexapro bc of an insurance denial, but ig they changed their mind? and with everything going on rn i was also worried abt hrt, but that seems to also be fine. probably helps that the pharmacist is also a trans guy (what a neat coincidence, and also lucky bc that means no bs denials). i think he did my covid shot? cool guy. and the weird "state policy" shit with the ritalin seems to be over, too. which, i can live without it, but having it is a big help. and, after being lost for like a month in transit, i did eventually get that lost bottle of lexapro. which leaves me with an emergeny supply. super glad abt that bc withdrawals are legit one of the worst feelings ive ever had, next to the gallbladder pain (apparently they say its comparable to labor pains? thats wild but tbh i dont doubt it. that shit was insane. im so glad i dont have to deal with that anymore).

well. didnt mean to write a whole essay there, but i actually think this is good for me. like a journal. maybe ill make a tag just for the ramblings, so folks can filter if need be, bc i actually think im gonna keep it up. its kinda fun. never wanted to do physical journaling bc i hate writing tbh, and my handwriting sucks. plus it always seemed like a chore, since its like a scheduled everyday thing usually. didnt appeal to me. but this is nice actually, getting my thoughts out. ok thats all for now. if u read this you're cool. have a nice day, or if u cant, hang in there.

🦢🪿🦆

[goonersaurus]

just lived through one of my worst days in recent years, a quite humiliating and draining day. pls send me drawing reqs or nice messages.

ive flown to another continent just to get back to my moms house the other day, where i will be spending the rest of june to have a grand pride month indeed. i‘m here to try to protect mom and find a way to get the person abusing her out of the house. i‘m so scared of what will happen, that the abuser will batter or kill my mom or myself or himself. i‘ve had to shield my mom with my body today, i‘ve had to beg the abuser to leave us alone. my mom called the police while he and i were arguing, and i begged her to drop the call. i begged the police not to come in the house when they did arrive, they went in anyway. now my anxiety spikes when i hear a sound in another part of the house and makes me cry out of nowhere.

i‘m now apart from my partner, the one person who i trust and feel safe around. my partner is who my mom refuses to acknowledge or respect due to her being the same sex as me. i‘ve already started abusing substances again, i‘m awful at coping.

why is it up to me to mediate? to sort out this problem, by begging, denigrating myself? I am queer, and i bring this up because the people in this house don‘t respect my sexuality identity nor my gender identity. the people who are meant to care for me the most don‘t respect or acknowledge my wife, and they have never cared to listen to me if i had struggles, invalidating me if i ever do bring it up. yet i have to constantly give validation, perform emotional labour, take on the role as trauma dumping ground.

and it doesn‘t help that the *one close friend* i had, a fellow qpoc who was the best friend i had in the shitty alienating city i currently live in, who i used to trust to speak with about personal, family issues, has been sending me hateful messages to me the past few days. i can speak with my partner about it but i still feel terribly alone.

i can post about it on my blog, where none of my followers actually know me, where i can have a public record that i existed, that i tried to protect who i loved, in case something does happen to me. despite my fear that i won’t be believed. i do want to come on this website just to distract myself and goof around but.. fuck it. it‘s my blog and i‘ll say whatever i want on it, who the fuck is bothering with this wall of text anyway? i‘m… scared for my life, tbh, for the lives of those i love. i can‘t believe im in this situation,

[compassmili]

these from the pjm asks; 🌅 🌃 👻 💀 🚪 🧷 🌈 👾 🌧️ ☀️ 🧳 🪞 ✏️ 💪 🩹 👥 for john and thea. i feel like ive given you homework

HELP. OKAY. THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU. IM PUTTING THIS UNDER A CUT MY LOVE.

JOHN:

🌅 — What are they most proud of?

Her strength and resilience! Despite everything she has gone through, she has still somehow lived this long, and she has the baggage and physical scars to prove it.

🌃 — What do they wish they could forget about?

GETTING FIRED (SOBBING EMOJIS). How badly she fucked up is playing permanently on her mind, forever haunting her and taunting her. She desperately wants to forget the fact that she is the reason she lost it all. John hates taking accountability for her actions (Even though she expects it and demands it of others) and it just haunts her because she won't accept the situation at all.

👻 — What situations do they most fear happening? How realistic are these fears?

THE MIDDLE FINDING HER. IT IS HER BIGGEST FEAR AND SHE HAS VERY FREQUENT PANIC ATTACKS DUE TO IT AND ISOLATES TO TRY AND STAY SAFE. It's realistic as hell bc they literally do track her down during her Canto.

💀 — What secrets are they trying to hide? How successful are they in this?

How she lost her job... She doesn't really mention her Fixer days at all because of the shame she feels. She's successful in it, because she just fully avoids the topic, and nobody would even naturally know of her anyway. She may make an offhand comment about old experiences she had (Working with high rank Fixers, attending nice parties, etc) but never expands and leaves it up in the air. I think (Before her Canto), only Ivan and Balladyna would ever even figure out about her Fixer past. Also of course Faust knows about it.

🚪 — Is there something they don’t wish to admit to themselves? What is it?

THAT HER GETTING FIRED WAS HER FAULT LMFAO AND GENERALLY THAT SHE IS INCREDIBLY UNPLEASANT (SOBBING EMOJIS).

🧷 — What type of clothes do they prefer the most? Do they wear it often?

She either dresses in business casual like normal or like a dyke. Like tank top with a bad fishing joke + cargo shorts + a hat. Probably sandals with socks too. She doesn't dress like that brand of dyke often/ever though just since she works for the company. In her 20s she dressed "better" though (sobbing emoji) like very nice dress shirts and slacks with nice dress shoes.

🌈 — What would be their title if they were a Color Fixer?

THE NAVY HEART!!!!!! NAVY BC OF THE OCEAN AND HEART BC OF HER DETERMINATION!!!

👾 — Do they love the city they live in?

No she hates it she hates this place bro

��️ — What would their worst possible end be like?

Brother. This is it. This is her worst ending (Sobbing emoji)

☀️ — What would their happiest end be like?

There's two options here. That she never got fired, continued on as a Fixer, eventually climbing to the rank of Color, or that because of Ivan and Hermine's influence, she actually improved as a person a bit. Even if she became a Color, she'd still be an alcoholic, even if she did get the praise and recognition she thrives on and needs in order to survive. If she stayed with Ivan and Hermine, and was pushed by those two to improve, she'd still have decades of damage, but would have people who loved her.

🧳 — Do they have any items that would persist with them in every universe?

Her braids, for the most part! She's only without them in the Navy Heart ID. Everywhere else, her hair is braided in some way. Also her scars are always present.

🪞 — What are their opinions on their Identities and Mirror technology in general?

She's very bitter about the existence of her Identities. Knowing that she could've turned out different, being forced to look at it, being forced to be it for a time. That she could've been more successful. That she could've been more loved, recognized, admired. That she could've been anything else and it is all her fault that she is not.

✏️ — How do they write their observation logs? Do they have any notable quirks in their writing?

She's similar to Faust and Meursault- Very basic and to the point. Doesn't waste time and only writes what is pertinent. Maybe a slight exception of noting how annoying the enemy was every once in a while.

💪 — What kind of role their IDs end up having most often? (Tanking, debuffing…)

SINKING! MY SINKING LEGEND! GET SUNK! Also mostly blunt attacks with evade rather than defense.

🩹 — After their Canto, are they doing better or worse?

Oh so much fucking worse. Her worst fear literally came true and all her paranoia and fears were proved to be justified. Everything was solidified for her. That she is worthless and never safe. That she is safest isolated from the world, that she will always be hurt, that everyone is out to get her. She is worse off for multiple upon multiple Cantos. She is completely unavailable for the Intervallo after her own Canto due to her isolating in her cell. She will not leave at all. Once she finally exits, she is afraid and jumps at everything and will break down in public. It isn't until around Ivan's Canto (Super fucking late game) that she has any sort of positive change/goes back to her usual self. Her experiences with the Middle permanently altered her.

THEA

🌅 — What are they most proud of?

How good she is at manipulating and getting her way :mwehehe:

🌃 — What do they wish they could forget about?

Kinda just how much she hates himself (Sobbing emojis) She isn't a major fan of what she's done in life but bliss can live with it. It's the self hatred that's the most annoying.

👻 — What situations do they most fear happening? How realistic are these fears?

Ending up alone and suffering and once again in poverty. She lives in the City, so there is a chance of it, but she's made herself popular enough that there'll always be a man ready to marry/provide for her. It's just a matter of her finding someone she deems tolerable/worthy enough of her time.

💀 — What secrets are they trying to hide? How successful are they in this?

Answered this already! Here's my previous response:

"I guess the main thing is that he is just trying to hide… Himself, really. He’s always acting as someone else, never showing her true self. She doesn’t want to be truly known, as that’s a threat to their safety. Showing that vulnerability is a risk. Bliss is very successful in this, in getting everyone to think she’s cheerful, sociable, and vain. That she’s just a spoiled woman seeking romance and fun."

🚪 — Is there something they don’t wish to admit to themselves? What is it?

Hm. I guess that bliss hates blissself? Like, he knows it, and sort of sinks in it, but refuses to ever show it outwardly.

🧷 — What type of clothes do they prefer the most? Do they wear it often?

Before the Company, she most often wore long dresses that were most commonly off the shoulder. Prefers warm and thick materials like velvet.

🌈 — What would be their title if they were a Color Fixer?

Ummmm. Ermmmmm. Mahogany Songbird maybe. Definitely taking suggestions on this I'm not entirely certain on any ideas.

👾 — Do they love the city they live in?

Naur she hates it here

🌧️ — What would their worst possible end be like?

Ending up alone and back in the Backstreets, tossed aside like garbage.

☀️ — What would their happiest end be like?

Hm. Maybe quitting opera as a whole and just finding a friend to live with? If she stopped obsessing over her own safety and future and allowed herself to make real connections.

🧳 — Do they have any items that would persist with them in every universe?

I'M NOT SURE NGL. Maybe her painted nails and makeup? Or her daggers since those are very important to them?

🪞 — What are their opinions on their Identities and Mirror technology in general?

Doesn't have much of an opinion on it since she's apathetic to really everything. Maybe has a bitterness seeing her other selves.

✏️ — How do they write their observation logs? Do they have any notable quirks in their writing?

Since she has to act as her friendly self in the observation logs, she's very upbeat and often lets others also chime in when writing her logs. Almost lets others actually write more than her. Her logs read more like the transcription of a gossip session than Company required documents.

💪 — What kind of role their IDs end up having most often? (Tanking, debuffing…)

Debuffing, maybe? Hm. Unsure.

🩹 — After their Canto, are they doing better or worse?

Also answered before! Here it is:

"Hum is… Worse, for a little bit, with her whole world and lies having crumbled around her. She doesn’t know how to exist now that people know who and what she really is. But Nick specifically helps her a lot! She’s really only worse for an Intervallo, by the next Canto she’s doing a lot better. She still is playing a bit of an act, as that’s her natural state at this point in her life, but she does act more and more like his real self. He may *seem* worse off because his true self is just in general a worse person, but she’s actually doing better since hum no longer is constantly lying and manipulating."

[valeriianz]

2, 3, 14, 19 for the concert asks?

yo! under the cut cos this got just a little long

2: Best concert you’ve ever been to

THE CAT EMPIRE AT HISTORY, TORONTO!

ahhhh every Cat Empire show is crazy. they are so fucking talented and you can tell they just love music. they do jam sessions on stage and the hype and positivity is so infectious. Felix does this thing that i love where he sticks the mic stand into the crowd and gets us singing. it's always such a fun time. and the fans, dude! we are all just music lovers and since i always go to shows alone, i love talking with them. they are the most down to earth, chill human beings.

and this show in particular, i got invited backstage to jam with the band 😭💖 we ate pizza and drank beer and it was the coolest experience of my life. i wish they toured N America more lmao

3: Worst concert you’ve ever been to

im very fortunate that most of my shows have been at least worth the money. but i can think of two right off the bat that i wasn't satisfied with. story time(s)!

Lindsey Stirling at the MET in Philly.

so, ive seen Lindsey Stirling three times. for those who don't know her, she's a violinist, but very poppy with dubstep mixed in. her shows focus very heavy on dance and theatrics. the first time was at a festival when she was suuuuper brand new (2015) and the crowd was alive. it was so fun. and it makes sense, her music is the type to dance to!

second time i saw her was another standing crowd situation in Manhattan circa 2016. when i say the crowd was dead, oh my god it was lifeless. i was embarrassed. New York City, what the hell?

then i saw her at the MET in 2022, which is a seated venue. and like, holy hell... everyone remained seated, even when Lindsey told the crowd to get up and dance multiple times. at one point i had put my phone up to record a certain part of the show and the girl sitting behind me immediately tapped me on the shoulder and told me to put my phone down. like, okay i get recording the show is annoying, but im not that guy. i just wanted to record a 10 second sequence she was doing but fine. i barely took my phone out during that performance.

but anyway, the stillness. listen, ive been to seated venues before (rock shows) and no one ever remains seated through the entire show. what the fuck is that? i was dancing in my seat while everyone around me looked at me like i was crazy. omg i just wanted to jam! and then my favorite song came up, Roundtable Rival (listen to this song and tell me how im not supposed to dance to this) and fuck it, i stood up and started to shake it.

to wrap up this long story, the girls behind me were so disgusted by my actions they full on left. there was only one other person in the floor seats that i could see who was also standing and dancing. and during the last song, Lindsey actually made everyone stand up and groove to the song (but even standing, these people were fucking dead).

i took my frustrations to reddit, asking if i was in the wrong, and got absolutely dog-piled with hate. even though Lindsey clearly said at least twice during the show to stand up. i haven't listened to her since. she's a talented musician, but the fans absolutely killed it for me.

Fall Out Boy at the Key Bank Center, Buffalo

this is gonna be a short one. this was in 2017-early 2018 i think. it was for their Mania tour. I had seen them the year before in Brooklyn and the show they put on was super fun, they really made use of the stage (this was an arena tour) and for that show, i had purchased nose-bleed seats. and for this one in Buffalo, i purchased floor tickets (it was significanly cheaper in Buffalo).

but they didn't utilize the stage at. all in Buffalo. all the theatrics i had seen in Brooklyn didn't exist here. the tracklist was pretty much the same, the graphics and pyro the same. but just a weak performance with no energy. i was so bored.

14: Moshpit, barricade, back, or rafters

i have sampled all these options, and 100% always prefer the barricade. i love being up close to the action and (usually) that up close is where the party is happening. (though i could go on a rant about how concert goers don't jump/dance at shows anymore, even some rock shows ive been to have just been. muted. i still dance my face off and make it a problem for the people around me).

tried one moshpit in my experience and the adrenaline is like nothing else. but i'd probably steer clear of it now. gotta protect my weary bones in my older age haha

19: Farthest traveled for concert/festival

before my trip in June, it was 400 miles (within the states). but after my last show, its now 560 miles (900 km)!

ive definitely thought about going to festivals overseas, especially since two of my favorite bands are English and Australian... but as much as i love traveling, i find it annoying to plan a trip around a concert so. traveling further than a few hundred miles just for a show is not something i typically do.

concert asks

[neoarchipelago]

tw for rape and sorta mentions of suicide (just basically saying kys in context ) for those very sensitive or triggered by these!!

but like i went through all the posts i could find and they never said anything bad about non con or dubcon she said rape fics were bad- and the point of her being a “hypocrite” for writing dubcon confuses me as why would someone who didnt support that stuff write it? it doesn’t make sense to me. i understand not liking her point on the kys bit but you guys got really hung up on it and completely missed the point of it about literal rape being romanticized and used as a fetish, not noncon and the likes used as a coping mechanism. it breaks my heart to see especially from people i supported and enjoyed a lot and got me into this community supporting rape. ive dealt with lots of sexual assults and have been raped myself a few times starting from a young age and let me tell you, its horrible. me and my boyfriend do get quite rough at times and do indulge in things like noncon- something that is used to cope and can help- and it is so much different than actually being raped. if you like it rough and dirty trust me girl i completely get it but actually being raped is the most demeaning, violating, and live devastating things that can happen- not to mention the other physical side affects of it. not trying to spread hate, maybe i should be for supporting it, but im more just sad? like seeing a community im so into and my biggest comfort character ( who also has dealt with rape) supporting and defending it all just feels like a betrayal and so debilitating. so many of my safe spaces have been ruined in a physical and metaphysical sense and it just reminds me of the sa when i was a teenager and other boys on my team (i was raped and abused by multiple wrestlers as i was the only girl in the sport in a very large state wide tournament hosted by my school) joking about it and making it not serious not taking me serious and sexualizing the whole situation and thinking i was lucky for a chick. just sickening and heartbreaking to see and the worst throwback thursday ever.

Hi love. First of all, I'm truly sorry of what happened to you. No one should ever have to go through that and you are truly amazingly strong.

Thank you for sharing your point through respect and calm.

I'd like to throw you back to this essay that explains my point of view here. Of course, it's understandable if you don't accept it. I'm not here to convince anyone on this. This is sharing a point of view.

Here, hoping that you fully understand.

This will however be the last time I'll debate on this subject, further comment or anons will simply get a copy paste.

THIS CONTAINS SA , SH AND SEXUAL CONTENT, BE CAREFUL

I- dub-con, non-con and CNC kink in fiction.

A- the place of these themes in fiction and how it separated from reality.

I think the line has to be drawn. A line people seem to forget too easily. Obviously, rape is a horrible thing. This fact has never been refuted in any fics or novels or books. No writer will ever tell you, ‘rape is awesome and soooo romantic’.

Fiction is absolutely fiction. We are aware of it. There's a big difference. This obviously something readers choose to read being aware of fiction. Being aware that the real thing is horrible. Warnings and tags are always there to avoid readers unaware of it.

B- the differences with other themes

One thing I've been asked is what kind of difference writing rape is from writing dub-con or even pedophilia?

On dub-con, the line is blurred. Softer, protagonist may be in a path where the sexual action is wanted but blocked by the mind or pushed to it by the other protagonist, forcing their own need to give in. It is still seen as rape as consent is not fully given. There's not much difference from non-con. Writers usually use this tag to avoid any triggers to people.

For pedophilia, let's see this in a more details. I think we can all agree that all these themes, dub-con, CNC, non con, always involve adults. Whatever it is the kink, or in stories, it’s adults. Adults who are aware of what sex is and what this kink it. Children should never be near any of those themes. It's not about kinks anymore, children don't have kinks.

II- the reality of voicing your opinion on internet

A- SA victims and SH victims, sexual shame

Now there's something we need to talk about. Writing theses themes are used by many as a coming mechanism. SA victims may often use these writings to help the aftermath of these events in their own life.

In the kink itself it's something that obviously causes a lot of shame towards people who are not part of it. But many things need to be said. It's a need for a control of a situation that is dangerous and traumatizing. It's a sign of truth with your partner. Fiction is a way to live that fantasy in full safety as they are clearly aware of the truth of that situation in real life.

Now the thing that has started this whole conversation was the ‘don’t forget to tell rape kink writers to off themselves’.

It is not a small detail. Not at all!

This is where fiction is separated from reality. You are telling a real person to commit a real act that could lead to fatal consequences.

Obviously I think we’re all aware that many people on this website suffer from depression, self harm tendencies and bullying. I do too. Your words matter. Trust me. We’ve seen it with Inquisitor’s death while a live TikTok.

Many other tiktokers who had helped not only spread rumors but bully the creator only realized their mistake once he killed himself.

This is a no turn back situation.

Do you think you have the guts to wake up in the morning, knowing someone killed themselves because they wrote something you were against? That you are the reason they died? Their families are grieving?

You can find an article on the CNC kink here:

-https://www.choosingtherapy.com/consensual-non-consent/

B- respect even through anger

We have established one thing. The internet is a wild, free universe. Anyone can say or write or post whatever they want.

You are free to voice out your opinion, anger amongst these binary and servers. But one thing that is not ok is the way you say it.

A point doesn't need to be full of hate or threats to be said. Especially when serious consequences could be blown by it.

Everyone has their opinion, things they don't like. You are free to avoid tags, not read, block people. Protect yourself first. But attacking isn't protecting yourself. You’re simply causing another kind of harm.

People need to own up to their words and actions.

If you tell someone to kill themselves, it's horrible. It's an actual crime. A full crime.

-

[annanother-thing]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

@starquestingfordrarry ahhh thank you for tagging me, these are such good questions!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

41 +1 unrevealed +6 that ive hidden

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

238,631

3. What fandoms do you write for?

only harry potter atm but i have written other fandoms before and i am psyching myself up to write some pjo/hoo next year

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Best Kept - drarry, secret relationship, EWE, E, 7k

How Does Your Garden Grow - wolfstar, modern au, T, 1.6k (this was the first hp fic i ever wrote back in 2016!)

Sparks - drarry, soulmates au, secret relationship, E, 20k

White in the Darkness - wolfstar, established relationship, possessive!remus, E, 7k

Maybe Love Could Be A Verb - wolfstar, getting together, idiots to lovers, E, 16k (my first fic coming back to fandom last year!)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

not as much as i should... i hate replying to comments when my work is still anon and i swear this year all ive done is anon fests and then i forget to reply when reveals happen and then my inbox gets super full and i get overwhelmed...

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

oooh probably Invisible, Inescapable - ghost!reg, house magic, 16k, M - or Non-Existent Hearts Still Bleed - mostly canon compliant Pansy character study, 8k, M

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhhhh most of them? i dont tend to write sad things

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not so far!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes. all of it. mostly queer but i have done some m/f but mostly in triads and that one tomione dead dove. currently in the middle of kinktober so smut is on the brain

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

no theyve never been my vibe

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no thank god

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! well, someone asked, idk if they actually did it. it was my pansromione choir fic from pride fest

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

back in the day i co-wrote one with my then-best friend - i think it was the first fic i ever uploaded...

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

nope. impossible question. my ogs are wolfstar and drarry, but i also adore pansmione/pansromione, fleurinny, ginsy, jegulus, jegulily... so many ships so little time...

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i tried to do nano with original fiction several times and none of them really stuck, which im sad about because some of the ideas were banging - lesbian vampires through time, anyone?

16. What are your writing strengths?

ok this is the hardest question by far...

i think i am quite good at the introspection, and characters having to think through their situations, figure out how they actually feel. i blame all the therapy...

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

confidence and run on sentences. i was editing a fic yesterday and found a sentence that was nearly half a page...

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i dont mind it, but i think it has to fit the story. but one of my pet peeves is when people but dialogue in another language and then put the translation in the chapter notes - i have a goldfish brain and by the time i get to the end of the chapter i have forgotten what the dialogue was about

19. First fandom you wrote for?

kingsman back in like 2014/5

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

dont make me choose between my babies! maybe the one that i cant talk about yet (i feel its the most up to date representation of my writing at the moment), maybe my wolfstar witcher!au (longest uploaded fic, and i really struggled to finish it but im so proud of myself for getting there), maybe my soulmate fest one (i was so not happy with it but everyone seemed to like it and it reminds me that i am my own worst critic)

Tagging: @gloivy @uncannycerulean @silently--here @tracingpatternswrites <3

[alaskan-wallflower]

vent under the cut

you ever just feel like you’re such a shit person because you did absolutely awful things in the past

i had a friend and i was awful to them. i’m not even going to try to come up with a half assed excuse because i was a horrible friend. i haven’t seen or talked to them in months. rightfully so. i don’t expect them to ever want to talk to me again. i did apologize sincerely, and i suppose that’s all i can do. but the guilt over the whole situation just hits me like a truck out of nowhere. i was a horrible person and this is what i deserve. i deserve the guilt of this. i know i do. and i know it sounds like i’m digging for clout but im not. i feel like i deserve the absolute worst for doing what i did. i’m not going into detail. but if i could go back and tell my younger self to fucking stop everything i would. i can’t even put into words how disgusted i am with myself for what i did. i truly hate myself for it and i don’t expect any clearance from what ive done. it’s been months and it’s been weighing down on me. but i don’t feel pity for myself. i dug my own grave and now i have to lay in it. and i get that.

if i could tell all the people i’ve hurt how absolutely disgusted i am with myself, how heinous my actions are, how sorry i am, i would. but i understand that i cant. and i guess i deserve this and the rest of the guilt that i will feel in the future. i was disgusting back then and i can say that ive changed, but that doesn’t mean my actions were suddenly redeemed.

i hate myself for this. i really and truly do. i wish i could tell my younger self how much of a goddamn idiot she was and that i should never have taken those friends for granted. i wish i could strangle my past self. those people i’ve hurt were nothing but accepting towards me and i ruined it with my own jealousy. and i hate it. i hate it so fucking much. i will never forgive myself for this. and i don’t expect any of my past friends to forgive me either. all i can say is im truly sorry. i’m sorry i was such a disgusting piece of shit. i’m sorry i was such an ungrateful brat back then. i’ve changed. i hope i have. but i will never ever forgive myself.

[thereareeyesinsidethetrees]

1, 5, 13, 24 for the 🔥 ask game?

(bolding these so its a bit easier to distinguish them)

number 1 - the character everyone gets wrong

ford. of course

number 5 - worst discord server and why

ill admit. ive only ever been in one discord server. i really dont think its the worst, but i didnt like being there. i was only there for one day, and everyone started talking shit about ford. which is to be expected, really. it was kinda idiotic of me to assume that sorta thing wouldnt happen. no blame on the people in the server

number 13 - worst blorboficiation

i wish i knew what that meant. blorbo-fixation? or how people treat the character when they talk about it being their blorbo? 'this character has consumed my last remaining braincells scug-style' or a 'blueberry vs swap sans' situation?

im unsure

number 24 - topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

two things!

one - the half-canon things that no one truly knows.

things like the eye color debate (fully up to the individual's interpretation) or the timeline (as inconsistent as something can possibly be, and i like to imagine this is just a canon fact. keeps me from losing my mind about it)

two - anything about ford.

rancid, because i have seen people hate this guy to the point of censoring his name when they speak about him

not to mention all the ableist and victim-blame-y things people like to say about him

see, the thing about ford is that a lot of people just dont like him. possibly the only character i have ever seen people talk about in ways that can genuinely hurt real actual people (i would know)

its quite unfortunate, really