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marsi-is-depressed · 2 months ago

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She was my mother.

Graverobber x Largo!Fem!Reader.

TW: Depression, panic attacks, a lack of appetite. Death of a loved one. Rotti isn't dead yet. Pavi and Amber being soft. Luigi turned down his anger. Mother-daughter relationship between Mag and reader. Mag's death causes the reader to spiral.

word count: 2622

The door to your room was closed. It was closed for the majority of the day, and your father was the only one who ventured to open it to check on you. Every now and again. He'd leave it open, claiming to forget to close it after leaving your room, so he could keep an eye on you. But that day, you opted to keep it open for yourself.

Someone knocked on the door to the residence. Rotti opened it and discovered Graverobber with a half-smile on his face. He cautioned him before allowing him in.

—How's she doing?—The Zydrate collector questioned your father, who replied with a frown and pointed to your open door with his head. Graves blinked and nodded. That's good, he thought.

Graverobber went to the living room where Luigi, Pavi and Amber were having breakfast, Rotti was sitting in his chair still watching the huge blue screen.

—Should we go and see if she's okay?

Graves nodded and got up from the couch as quickly as Pavi requested, and the other three followed suit. Amber, Pavi, Luigi, and the graverobber stood outside your chamber, but you didn't see them since you were wearing headphones and had your back turned to the door while painting something.

Graves and Amber exchanged a glance.

—Is she okay?—Luigi enquired. You never used headphones, and your music was always rumbling around Geneco, causing problems for Luigi and disturbing the Genterns.

—I believe she is experiencing grief—. Graverobber said.

Amber glanced at you with sorrowful eyes; she disliked seeing her little sister so distraught.

—How can we help her?

Graves kept looking at you while Pavi looked at him, Luigi waiting for an answer. Both, Graverobber and Amber knew there wasn't much to do for you. —Just be there for her —.

"Hi, y/n." The four of them agreed that it would be best if only one of them went to speak with you. Amber tapped firmly on your shoulder, causing you to turn around, surprised because you hadn't expected anybody to discover who had disturbed your thoughts. You greeted hello back to her as she caught a glance at what you were painting. Amber spoke to you, and you responded solely with low hums.

"Are you okay-?" Graves eventually enquired, moving into the gap between the doors.

"I'm okay." You responded to Graves and instantly put your headphones back on.

He stood there, behind you, for a couple of seconds deciding what he should do; you definitely weren't feeling like talking nor spending time with him or with anyone, but he didn't want to leave you.

You spent most of the day drawing, writing, or reading, your headphones never leaving your ears. Pavi would sneak into your room and just watch you as you painted and sometimes he would draw with you too. You couldn't feel anything, not sadness, not happiness, as if there was a hole in your chest that absorbed every emotion not giving your brain enough time to process them before they were gone. You were numb to everything around you; neither you could feel the sadness after losing your mother-like figure. You just were certain that something like that couldn't have happened to her. If people were able to survive the repo man, surely Mag would be able to survive her injuries, right?

"We need to go back." You quickly stumbled to Dad's office. There were only the three of you in the house, Luigi and Graverobber were at work but it wouldn't be long before they came back to GeneCo, and Pavi was out with the genterns trying to get a new face. Amber sighed in gentle annoyance and turned around to listen to you, Rotti still watching the CCTV but turned his head slightly towards you. "We need to go back to the theatre." When the opera ended everything was left how it was, the theatre had been abandoned after tragedy struck. Rotti's body tensed and turned to her. "I've been thinking and- everything has been left, no one is able to open those doors but what if there was another way in for someone to help them maybe even revive them? Mag might of-" Amber shook her head softly, pressing her lips together. "Y/n." Amber cut you off in the softest way she could. "I'm--I'm not asking anyone to go; I'll do it. I'll get back to her.

Amber licked her lips and gently held your arms. "That's not possible, y/n."

"You don't understand, I have to go back to her, please we can help her." Your hands shook, "I have to see her, Sister." You started crying, your hands covering your face as you used Amber's body to hide. "She's there alone and she has to be scared." You sobbed, sister, wrapping her arms around your body. Dad approached you both and laid one of his hands on your head. Everyone knew that wasn't possible, they all saw her die and get dragged away. You begged Graverobber to help you go back to the theatre, his heart breaking in two knowing he couldn't do anything for you and holding his hands around your shoulders as he heard your desperate sobs trying to get Mag back.

Graverobber was holding you between his arms as you tried to escape his grip. You had already ripped up some of the pictures you had with Mag on the wall above your desk, the pieces lying on the floor as you tried to go and rip the ones that were still stuck to the wall. Your breathing was fast, your eyes with tears of rage and your body shook violently against Graves's arms. You finally gave up, if it hadn't been because he was holding onto you, you would've fallen defeated to the floor. Your head down as you sobbed, your whole body finally relaxing as Graves could loosen his arms around you a little bit, still holding you so you won't fall. He gave you a minute as you tried to catch your breath and his eyes were locked on the ripped pictures, he let out a sigh because he knew you were definitely gonna regret this later.

"Mag was a fucking coward. She let herself die, she didn't fight for life because of this stupid town." Graverobber had to hear things like this every day, knowing you didn't mean it and that it was your trauma talking, not you. After realizing what you just said, you would start crying while mumbling 'I didn't mean it', Graves caressing your back and reassuring you that he knew you didn't.

Pavi had to pick up the pieces of your broken drawings, you destroyed every piece of art you created; ripping the papers and making holes in your canvases. Graves asked him if he could keep them and Pavi gave him each of the small pieces of paper that he collected. Graves repaired your photos, using glue and tape to get the pieces together. He kept them in his jacket, waiting patiently to return them to you.

He managed to perfectly repair four of them: a freshly 18-year-old you and Mag posing for the camera when you turned into a proper adult, a big smile on your face holding a small cake as Mag leaned her head on your shoulder. You didn't want anything for our birthday but Mag insisted on you having your own cake. Two of them were pictures of Mag holding you when you were just a baby. The fourth one was taken by Rotti when Mag took care of you when you were recovering from a broken arm. You only allowed her to touch you or put an arm around you knowing how rough the others can be. Mag was praising you on how brave you have been the love in her eyes was visible in the picture which was evidence of what kind of mother-daughter relationship you two had.

The relationship between Amber and Graverobber got worse if possible. They only worked hand in hand when it was about you or Amber begging for Zydrate, the rest of the day they'd ignore each other for good. Amber hated to see him every day at home but she never said anything because she knew that he was helping you more than her family is. Amber didn't like Graverobber, she only tolerated him for the drugs, not only because she was his ex-girlfriend but now also because he was trying to get with her little sister.

Your head hurt, your jaw was clenched most of the day and in the palm of your hands were cuts of half-moons because of your nails digging into your skin when you closed your fists. Amber took care of them, snatching bandages from genterns to cover that part of your hand so when you sunk your nails there, you wouldn't hurt yourself. Sometimes you would puke from all the anger you were keeping inside, Pavi, still keeping his foreign faces on, with a hand on your forehead, the other one holding your hair, and Graverobber waiting with water and a wet towel to clean your face. Then the embarrassment and the frustration would hit you at the same time, leaving you sitting down on the floor of the bathroom for hours, with your back against the door and your head on your knees as you hugged them to your chest. Graves and Pavi were sitting there with you, looking at you and their eyes finally locking on the floor as they listened to you cry.

What if you've never met Mag? What if you never introduced her and Shilo? What if you had gone with her to the opera instead of staying at home? You couldn't save Mag and you couldn't save Nathan either. You were so ashamed of yourself, you felt like a failure.

"I should've gone to the opera." You were seated in your bed, knees to chest. Graverobber was seated on the floor of your room, his back against the wall in front of your bed, calculating his cash from Zydrate clients. His gaze fell on you as you talked. You didn't tell him, but Graves suspected that those ideas were running through your mind. "It should've been me who-" Graves shut you off. "No. "Do not say that." Graves, still clutching his money, walked to sit next to you. His glance tried to find yours, but your eyes were missing. "No one should've died." Graverobber tried to comfort you. He threw one of his hands over your shoulder, making you lay your head on his chest. You didn't complain, letting his soft touch snuggle you to his chest. There was a moment of silence before he spoke again. "Shilo asks all the time about you." You sat up, your eyes wide open. You've been so self-centred in your pain that you didn't even think about Shilo. She lost her Godmother and her father on the same night.

Graverobber took you to Shilo's place where she had been taking care of the huge house alone. During the walk, he told you that Shilo spent her days inside her bedroom still looking out of the same window. "If you want to leave at any moment, just let me know." You nodded. The mansion was a mess. Graverobber was by your side when Shilo walked down the stairs to the entrance, him giving you the soft push you needed in the lower part of your back to approach the girl.

Shilo was so much more pale, she later told you it was because of the blood disease worsening. You sat in an empty bed so you both could talk. Graves left you alone with Shilo. The girl told you she had no cure and that her dad was poisoning her for years, so much that she couldn't get better. You felt guilty, for not having talked to Shilo before and for not having, at least, called her after her dad died. Shilo's voice broke when she talked about Nathan, Mag and her late mother. You also felt guilty for that. Shilo was there when Nathan died she saw him being stabbed and shot, she literally saw him dying in front of her eyes, yet there she was consoling you. You got up starting to leave when Shilo started digging in the pocket of her dress and handed you the silver necklace Mag gave to Shilo when they first met. You had previously seen the necklaces on Mag when you were just a baby.

"Shilo, I can't. She was your Godmother-"

"And you were her daughter. I'm sure Mag would want you to have it." The necklace fell into the palm of your hand, feeling heavier than it should as your eyes filled with tears, but you did not get to cry in front of her.

Shilo continued crying, the kid sobbing as you both looked at a photo of Mag and her mother on the table beside her bed. You bit your lower lip when the first tears finally rolled down your cheek. You placed your hand on Shilo's head getting him closer to you as the girl wrapped his hands around you too.

You cried with sadness for the first time since Mag died and you didn't stop for a pretty long time, your eyes getting a permanent shade of red. Your sobs could be heard throughout GeneCo at night, Amber's a light sleeper, making her walk to your room to find you curled up in your bed, almost choking on your tears and snot. "Come on, y/n." Amber helped you sit up on your bed, you barely capable of keeping that posture for yourself. Amber took a tissue from your nightstand and blew your nose, and using her smooth thumbs she wiped your tears. "We're gonna try to sleep, okay?" She sat on your bed with her back against the wall and hugged you against her chest, and using her manicured nails she caressed your hair and kept you close. "I miss her." You said between sobs. Amber let out a sigh, hating to see you go through this while her dainty slender hand still working on your hair. "I know you do."

Pavi always tried to have small gestures with you like buying you your favourite flowers and placing them in a vase next to your bed where you spent most of the day. Reading book after book, the same books Mags would read to you before you went to bed. He just wanted to show you that life was still worthy of living, he didn't expect Mag's death to hit you so hard. Luigi has been fed up with the crying since day 1 as he knew like everyone else about the contract signed in blood. You hardly ate, you would just sit at the table with your family, staring at the food on your plate. The feeling of emptiness never left. Your mind was mean, fastening your breath to the point you felt dizzy, drying your mouth and throat and making you feel helpless. Not even Amber's soothing words were useful anymore, not even Graverobber sneaking into your room and grabbing your hand as you cried your eyes out and not even Amber hugging you at night could replace the void that Mag left in you.

But you knew that in time, everything would go back to normal, or so you hoped.

#amber sweet x reader #fanfiction #amber sweet #repo! the genetic opera x reader #graverobber #graverobber x reader #luigi largo #pavi largo #rotti largo #blind mag #repo! the genetic opera #pavi largo x reader #shilo wallace #shilo wallace x reader #nathan wallace #geneco

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h-didanart · 20 days ago

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i need more informations about that sunrise arc theatre

(there's the word theatre so I'm approving it)

Sunrise Arc Theatre info tid bits coming right up!

There’s a lot of workers at the theatre, they like to place bets on how well received performances will be, they also just generally like to share stuff that has happened on rehearsals, like if someone keeps switching their lines up or they somehow keep pulling off a difficult step or if they made a really good joke and so

Both major plays share exactly one song that’s placed in basically the same spot, “Under Our Spell” for the first Takeover in both plays. Both pairs have their own choreographies, personally I like Clipsy and LE//Haunting’s the most, they synchronize for the choruses in a really fun way (sadly I have not drawn it so you cannot see what I see, but I swear it’s a very cool choreo, I want to animate it someday)

Moon is actually disabled, it wasn’t too much of an issue for some time but performing so much without looking after himself kinda led to him fucking up his joints a bit. This has changed his choreographies quite a bit, he needs to sit down often and sometimes his joints just get stuck. This led to the fans interpreting Moon’s near death at the separation with KillCode as having caused his issues

I think I’ve already said this but it’s worth repeating, the Stellar siblings are a chaotic bunch, they have healthy relationships and often look after the other actors during their breaks backstage

Hunter was supposed to sing a different song than the one he sang during the Second Takeover, but not only was the range too high for him, the song was deemed too long for a relatively short plot point, and thus he ended up singing “Someone Gets Hurt Reprise” a bit later than he was scheduled to sing originally

Sunset and Moonlight are fans of Sun and Moon

Lunar and Clipsy (swap Eclipse) are siblings, the Eclipses (Queso and Stars) are Haunting and Shadow’s (the swap Lunars) siblings.

Eclair and Ruin are twins

One of the songs for “The Sunset and Moonlight Musical” is there purely because of a joke I will make about a plot point during the first Takeover. The song is “Guns and Ships”

KC is small. The choreography team had to get creative when it came to KillCode’s appearances, there’s a lot of mirrors at play whenever he appears and the stage’s lights are kept dim to hide KC running around everywhere

Sun, Eclair, and Moonlight are friends, they like to go out for coffee and chat about their lives a few times a month

The workers sometimes throw together short-notice plays where they’ll be the ones acting and singing while the actors drop by to watch them. They aren’t very flashy, mostly just groups of friends making do with what’s available and having fun

Aaand I cannot think of more stuff at the moment, I hope this sufficed but feel free to poke for more at any point in time!

Now you get doodles :3

The friend group referenced above, Sun, Eclair, and Moonlight!

Notes on quick changes, these ones specific to the song “Better Way to be Bad” in “Get in Losers, Musical Edition”, characters included being Quasar (Lord Eclipse), Blue Moon (Evil Lunar), and Nightingale (Solar’s Moon)

Moonlight. I want you to guess which song he’s singing.

Hint: I’m taking inspiration from canon Nexus for his breakdown

Moon messing around with a ukelele they need for a scene later

The process of picking a name for the au and the different Celestial models!

And just for you! The scene that precedes one of Umbra’s songs in “The Sunset and Moonlight Musical”, dress rehearsal

#Sunrise Arc Theatre Au #tsams au #sams au #info dump #I guess?#sams sun #sams moon #sams eclipse #sams lunar #sams bloodmoon #sams kc #sams ruin #tsams sun #tsams moon #tsams lunar #asks #mutuals #doodles

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noys-boise · 4 months ago

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Can you infodump to me about whatever youre currently obsessed with

can i? dude you're going to have to stop me with force i REALLY want to infodump I just never have the excuse to do it. I'll be nice enough to put it under a read more though because this is very long.

let me tell you about this little streaming service called dropout.tv because it has taken over my life. it was started by the people at collegehumor (idk if you know it, they made sketch comedy and that sort of videos for over a decade) when they got tired of having to conform to advertisers on sites like youtube or facebook. and also not long after dropout launched collegehumor's parent company tried to sell the brand since it wasn't profitable enough for them leading to Sam Reich, who's worked at collegehumor pretty much since the beginning, acquiring the rights. however he did have to lay off pretty much everyone except a skeleton crew plus Brennan Lee Mulligan who created the most popular series on the platform. but everyone else keeps working at dropout on a freelance basis so it's all good.

anyway with the launch of dropout they moved away from scripted comedy to really a wide variety of unscripted content. the series that got me into dropout is game changer, a game show where the contestants don't know what game it is they're going to play since the game changes (almost) every time. it is SO fun?? there's been so many insane concepts including lie detector that's secretly controlled by the contestants' significant others, selling useless shit like a keyboard that only has the letter p or a rubik's cube that's all green, murder mystery that's somehow both fictional and real at the same time (it's. really hard to explain this one it was really just to troll one specific contestant, a lot of episodes are made with specific people in mind since these people have worked together for a very long time), escape room but it's just locking these three people in a room and also there's some insane lore around it that people still make conspiracy theories about, an actual time loop and of course the multiple survivor parodies and the one batchelor parody (it's very bisexual). i could honestly rant about game changer forever. it really has that appeal of being able to get to know the contestants (a majority of whom are former collegehumor employees who appear in many episodes across all dropout shows) and that they're all professional comedians who know each other and the host very well. it has fun cozy vibes except when it actively breaks my mind (looking at you deja vu).

there are three shows that were spun off from game changer: make some noise, which is prompt based improv (sidenote, my icon and url are both referencing this show, specifically the original trio this series started with back when it was in game changer. the noise boys refer to Josh, Zac and Brennan who after doing four episodes of this game within game changer are also the contestants in every make some noise season premiere and finale), dirty laundry which is kind of based never have i ever as a game show and also Grant O'Brien is there as a bartender (Grant O'Brien is the tall bisexual theatre nerd i post quite a lot about), and play it by ear in which they improvise entire musicals, which i still haven't watched and I'm fully aware of how out of character that is for me. however i do really love the original game changer episode play it by ear is based on.

so.... here's the thing. i kind of lied. i said game changer is the first dropout show i got into but um, actually, i was into a dropout show before i really knew what dropout is. Um, actually is a game show where the host (originally Mike Trapp, now Ify Nwadiwe) says incorrect statements mostly about nerdy media which the contestants have to correct, but they have to start their corrections with the phrase "um, actually" or they don't get the point. they made two musical theatre themed episodes that i found back in 2022? i think? that were on youtube and then i got into Howard the duck which got me kind of into marvel comics which are referenced in a lot of episodes leading me to watching quite a lot of the episodes that were up on youtube (i think out of all dropout shows this one might have the most free on youtube content) and then i kind of forgot about it until this year's april when i started properly getting into dropout.

however the most popular and longest dropout show is dimension 20, which is a dungeons & dragons actual play. almost every season is a new setting and there's been a lot of different players though there is a main cast known as the intrepid heroes (Zac Oyama, Lou Wilson, Ally Beardsley, Siobhan Thompson, Emily Axford and Brian Murphy + Brennan Lee Mulligan as the dm). the first season that then got two continuations is fantasy high which is set in a more modern dnd setting but with the same fantasy races as the original game but there's been a lot of seasons that completely break away from all traditional dnd elements (some of them aren't actually dnd at all but different game systems) like the one I'm watching right now is a murder mystery with anthropomorphic animals.

there's sooo many more dropout shows i could talk about but this rant is already getting way too long. i love so many things about dropout. they make so much original, fresh content that no one else is making. there's so much diversity in such a natural way (to me especially seeing Ally Beardsley's transition is very special) and it's generally extremely progressive and ethical. idk what else to say, watching dropout makes me very happy, I'm very hyeprfixated on it, it's my main comfort thing right now and i can't recommend it enough (there's a bunch of stuff on youtube for free already but also imo it's absolutely worth 6 dollars a month)

I'm sorry for how long that rant turned out unfortunately i am very unnormal

#that was loooong i needed to get this out #dropout.tv i love you so much

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lab-trash · 6 months ago

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hi!! aplogies if this is pushing but i really really really love your michie fic titled “H̶e̶r̶” and i was wondering if you’re planning on updating it at some point?? no pressure i just love the premise a lot and i am HOOKED

[also i really hope i have the right blog lol]

Okay, so first off. Right blog? Yes and no? I am the person who wrote Her, but this is more of my... sci-fi, supernatural blog? Which I suppose NPMD could key into, but it's much more sitcoms and movies. (Also just my personal rants, vents and other bullshit)

That being said, I've gotten a confused person looking for my musical theatre blog enough times that I definitely should create a pinned post including my other blogs.

My musical theatre blog, for future reference, is @im-not-a-l0ser . Very fitting if you ask me ^-^

Anyway! About your question! I do plan on updating it at some point, I just don't know when that point will be. Something that keeps me on top of my stories is writing chapters in advance so I don't get burnout. Example, I'm writing Beanies right now and there are nine chapters posted. Chapter 10 is complete, but I haven't yet finished chapter 11, so I'm not posting Chapter 10, and Chapter 11 won't be out until Chapter 12 is complete. (This also allows me to double-post chapters when I'm finishing a book, although this has not actually happened yet.)

I did not start doing this until after starting Her. I'm stuck with Her, because I don't know what direction I'm going into, and I don't know where to start. Also doesn't help that my parents were never formally divorced (they have 6 kids and had been married for over 20 years by the time they separated; can't blame them) so I really don't know anything about the process. I know it's long and gruelling and stuff, but I don't know how quickly I'd be able to just gloss over it. But I suppose maybe Gary Goldstein (Attorney At Law) is a good enough lawyer to get it wrapped up real quick lol.

I understand that Her is more of an angst and trans-comfort gold mine, but feel free to take a peak into my other books, which are updated slightly more frequently, such as Beanies or Zeek: The Fighting Nighthawk. Beanies is more building friendship secretly between them, while Zeek: The Fighting Nighthawk has them becoming friends with one under false identity (obviously, that's Zeek.) Beanies does also include the same character being trans, but it's not a major plot/talking point (yet). I really appreciate the support, I'm just going to be very busy between planning for pride and writing for Beanies (I have a trio of chapters coming out that I want to get out of the way before I pick up something else; I don't want burnt out on this before I even finish the pride event stories.)

If you want something of mine that's complete, I have a handful of one-shots, such as Dance with Death (spoilers for Workin' Boys and Abstinence Camp), Max Jagerman's Socks, r/TrueOffMyChest (you can actually find some backstory for that on my blog under an ask @/24-guy sent in), and Max Jagerman's Private Story.

I also have an ongoing porn saga but we're not gonna talk about that right now

Hi! If you follow me for LREF, Stranger Things, It, etc. and you for some reason read this whole thing. You should totally go watch the Hatchetfield musicals! If you like musicals (some people don't lmao)

If you're interested, they have a rich lore, many meta-jokes, and a currently active fandom which you might enjoy (looking at you LREF fandom. That is to say, like six people.)

If you are interested, it's The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals, Black Friday, and Nerdy Prudes Must Die. They're all free on YouTube, recorded by the creators and they're all absolutely fantastic IMO. Watch them in that order though! If you don't, you'll be really confused! This is a trilogy (kinda), the world is the same (kinda), the previous shows give context for world building and jokes.

If you do watch them, please please come talk to me about it over on @im-not-a-l0ser . I do highly recommend blocking the tags though before you've finished them. Spoilers can happen really easily, and when it comes to Hatchetfield, something that might seem small or insignificant (or maybe just extremely confusing) probably means something pretty big overall.

(Ps, there's also a 'mini series' called Nightmare Time. It definitely gives some context and it expands upon Hatchetfield as a whole, but it's not technically necessary to watch. I'm not gonna force anyone to watch it, just because there's so goddamn much of it.)

#side note: locker rooms and fantasies has 15 bookmarks??? why???#and why aren't there more comments if there are 15 bookmarks??? /hj #nerdy prudes must die #michie #-her-#max jagerman #richie lipschitz #trans richie lipschitz #can you tell i tried to keep the man part vague and stuff so that my other followers wouldn't get spoilers in case they wanted to watch?#highkey need everyone to watch the hatchetfield trilogy #anyone feel free to use my writing strategy it scary works #i mean i just didn't really expect it to work that well #might not work for you but no harm in trying

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shadowsong26x · 1 year ago

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So over this past weekend, I watched a 1978 TV movie version of Les Miserables, because it is my current brainrot.

Overall, I liked it. It's a movie/adaptation that very much knows what it wants to be about. Admittedly, (at least based on AO3 stats) I don't know if it would super appeal to the majority of the modern fandom, but it definitely appealed to me.

(I say this because...well, the entire 1832 sequence is condensed to the last 35ish minutes; a solid chunk of that is Cosette and Marius making googly eyes at each other (also dedicating a couple minutes to including his grandfather because sure); the only one of the boys who is named, let alone Identifiable, is Enjolras and he's...frankly kind of underwhelming.)

But basically, this movie knows it wants to be about Valjean and Javert first and foremost, and since the two of them (and their [actual or potential] dynamic(s) with Cosette) are what I'm here for, I'm good with that. For example, we spend a solid 15-20 minutes in Toulon with the two of them and it is Great.

In terms of marks against it, I will say that I think Fantine in particular gets kind of shortchanged in this adaptation; also Thenardier never resurfaces in Paris, he's only in the one scene where Valjean acquires Cosette--like I said, the 1832 sequence is relatively short compared to most other adaptations I'm familiar with, so a lot of stuff gets cut out. The movie also ends with Marius and Cosette's wedding, which feels a little abrupt (like...it goes sewers -> Javert's death -> wedding -> roll credits). There are also a few bits of staging that didn't age super well and some facial hair that is. Very Seventies, but those are fairly minor things.

Again, overall, I liked it. It knows what it wants to be; what it wants to be appeals to me, personally, very much. There are some Good bits and some Eh bits, overall it's solid.

So with all of that, now I get to the reason why I'm making this post, and why I think you should watch it anyway, and that is Anthony Perkins as Javert. Because he is just. Fucking incredible.

Like. Cannot overstate how well this man understood the assignment.

A lot of it comes down to pretty subtle things--facial expressions; the way he looks at Valjean at different points in the storyline; the way (apart from two scenes) he's always pretty collected on the surface, even in moments when he's Clearly either Seething or Breaking underneath. (The final conversation in the sewer is just. His Entire Face.) (Also the moment where he first spots Valjean again in 1832; doesn't recognize him at first; the wheels are Visibly turning in his head and then he goes oh my god what the fuck. It's a Delight.) (And of course, the 'I fucked up and denounced you unfairly, you should punish me' scene is. Again, holding himself together on the surface but Breaking underneath and. Especially in contrast to the next scene/the confrontation at Fantine's deathbed which is one of the two scenes where he is Not particularly collected.) (And then there's that one Really Awkward Carriage Ride shortly after.)

I was going to get screencaps of some of these and. It doesn't. It doesn't really convey the full effect if he's not in motion, alas.

Essentially, the movie is fully leaning into him as a deuteragonist and I am Here For It.

(Full disclosure, I do ship them, and. This movie supports that. There's. There's a lot of staring. One might even say Gazing.)

Anyway, the whole thing is on YouTube and I highly recommend watching it, if only for Anthony Perkins as Javert.

((I have also discovered that the 2012 film of the musical is available on Netflix; so that's probably what I'm going to do next weekend after I move. I haven't seen it since it was in theatres, and my recollection is that, while there were definitely some Choices that didn't work out, overall it got a lot more flak than it deserved. We'll see if I feel the same way now, 10 and a half years later, lol.))

((I am not currently planning to watch the 1998 film, even if I can find it, because...look, I want to want to watch it, but I remember how it ends and I have Serious Issues With That. And I feel like, if the movie so fundamentally misunderstands its protagonist at that point, I don't have super high hopes for the rest. Which is a Shame, because, like...it's Liam Neeson and Geoffrey Rush; Uma Thurman and Claire Danes; like. You Cannot Go Wrong With This Cast And Yet.))

#les mis 1978 #les mis

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fishylife · 1 year ago

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Wuershan, director of the Creation of the Gods movie, put out some videos explaining the filming which I thought were interesting. There are spoilers for the movie below the cut.

Video 1

Wuershan picked these four scenes to discuss because he felt that they were iconic/representative of this movie.

I saw this in the documentary series before but basically because the camera was always moving in this scene, it was kind of hard to show with static story boards, so instead the movie was animated in Previz.

This first scene with Yu Shi in the fiery battlefield was presented almost as one take. Wuershan pointed out the places where they edited scenes together.

Oh lol for the soldier who was shot with arrows while Yu Shi was trying to carry him, the arrows were added with special effects. Which would seem logical, but that just never occurred to me XD

Now that I'm watching these scenes again, the fire special effects look really good.

According to Wuershan, this scene took the most amount of tries, around 70 takes. First of all, it was difficult because the camera had to start off super close to the horse's eye, but horses don't feel comfortable with things close to their sides like that. So they had to be very careful in filming next to the horse (with a special extended camera tool?) and hoping that the horse doesn't move because it'll smash the camera. Secondly, as the camera moved out, Yu Shi had to get the horse to do that maneuver where it goes on their hind legs. But he kind of has limited control of that because sometimes the horse will go left or right. And they really wanted the horse to do that thing where its hooves went in the air and you just kind of have to hope that the horse will do it. To get this shot, Yu Shi had gone through 8-9 months of horseback training. The horse was bought in 2017 and trained until now. So a lot of things had to come together to get this shot.

Wuershan also mentioned the ringing sound, meant to show audiences how out of it Ji Fa was when he found himself in this chaotic battle.

The second scene was the patricide scene. He explained how this might be the most important scene in the movie, and I see what he means by that. It's at this point that Ji Fa starts to think a little differently from what Yin Shou's been telling him all this time. While the other sons kill their fathers (because their fathers forced them to or because they decided it was the right thing to do), Ji Fa instead tried another route to save his father's life. Like Ji Chang said, if Ji Fe really believed in Yin Shou's values wholeheartedly, he wouldn't have hesitated to kill Ji Chang. But he did hesitate, and that starts Ji Fa's journey as a hero.

Ah so it was on purpose that Ji Chang was seated to the side. And it makes sense symbolically, to show that Ji Chang won't bow to Yin Shou's tyranny and doesn't recognize him as a sovereign. The three other dukes faced the front, and in the end they were killed by their sons. Not Ji Chang.

Wuershan explained that the scene was set up like a musical, and also pointed out Kris Phillips' musical theatre background.

Yin Shou walked behind the hostage sons so that the sons would be caught between Yin Shou and their fathers, to signify the two sides fighting for the sons' trust.

It's nice to see that even though these are not major characters, the other sons and dukes did have fleshed out personalities. We saw the differences in their body language as they reacted to Yin Shou's tyranny.

Yin Shou told the sons to think of what had happened to Su Quanxiao, who at the beginning had been forsaken by his father. When Yin Shou said that, instead of doing a full flashback, they included only the sounds of that scene, both the background sounds as well as Su Qianxiao's words. In my opinion, with the combination of that big hall, it makes Su Quanxiao's voice feel almost a bit ghostly.

Wuershan goes on to explain the difference in personalities between the four sons, which I noticed during the movie too!

Chong Yingbiao was the most ambitious one. He paid respects to his father but then he stabbed him without hesitation. Chong Yingbiao totally buys into Yin Shou's brand of logic and authority. The actor who played his father said that he was moved by Chong Yingbiao's expressions, because when he'd stood up, his face was tearful and remorseful, so his betrayal was that much more surprising. This was taken in one take, though it was edited in the middle.

Steadicam was used during this scene to give us a better picture of each of the patricides, and also to capture Ji Fa's freak out.

I didn't know this, but the southern duke had a daughter who had married into the royal family to Yin Qi (who if I remember correctly was Yin Shou's older brother). After Yin Qi died, so did his daughter. The background behind the southern duke was that he knew that Yin Qi wasn't the kind of guy to commit treachery, so he believed that Yin Shou had manipulated or cast a spell on him. So that was why from the beginning, the southern duke did not like Yin Shou. That being said, he still feared him and wanted to protect his son. He yelled at his son to make a move (to kill his father). Now, at this point E Shun (the son) smiled, and the reason behind that was that he knew his father was always this kind of hotheaded guy, and hearing him yell at him again made him feel a little at home. So E Shun smiled, and then turned around and then tried to kill Yin Shou but was killed, as was his father. So this was a situation where the son tried to fight to defend his father but failed, and they both died.

Jiang Wenhuan's struggle with his father was distinct in that his father was clearly making his son kill him. When his father pulled on the sword, I liked that we saw Jiang Wenhuan shake his head a bit. It's maybe a bit childish, and it showed that maybe Jiang Wenhuan was a bit frozen and shocked, but in his heart he didn't want to do this. And then Jiang Wenhuan knelt before his dead father. Wuershan contrasted that with Chong Yingbiao who knelt before Yin Shou after killing his father. In the end of Movie 1, Jiang Wenhuan was the one who let Ji Fa go, because he said that he'd killed Yin Shou. So we know Jiang Wenhuan is one of the good ones lol. He had also asked Ji Fa to live on his behalf. So the only two remaining songs from this patricide would be Chong Yingbiao and Ji Fa, who from the beginning were always at odds.

Another thing I remembered was how after Chong Yingbiao and Jiang Wenhuan killed their fathers, Yin Shou would "congratulate" them because they would take on the titles of duke after their fathers died. To me that was kind of haunting.

Representing the choice Ji Fa would make between Yin Shou and Ji Chang

This entire time, Ji Chang did not react to the violence around him because he was prepared for death himself. However, he did react a tiny bit at the moment when Ji Fa fell to the floor and knelt to Yin Shou, because Ji Chang cared about his son. He was watching how he would speak and act, and that led to the prison scene, where Ji Chang said that if Ji Fa really believed in everything Yin Shou said, he would have killed him.

A small point on the styling by Wuershan was that Yin Shou's eyebrows during this scene were purposely combed a bit upward to show ferocity.

Video 2

Third scene was the pseudo-sex scene between Daji and Yin Shou while Bo Yikao nervously third wheeled XD

This would have been the first time that Daji was allowed to exist out in the open. Before, she was either cooped up in Yin Shou's bedchamber, or she would only sneak out as a fox to eat people. Now she's allowed to go out and about.

Also Yin Shou was in basically his underclothes, and they both had their hair undone, so this is basically them in their bedchambers...but with tons of people watching lol. It's also a good juxtaposition against Bo Yikao who is always extremely formal. From my perspective it also highlights the power imbalance. Bo Yikao is entirely at their mercy, and they both know it. In fact, Yin Shou is feeling his oats right now because he finally has something to threaten Ji Chang with.

The drum that Yin Shou played with was made with alligator skin. A professional drummer provided the actual audio, and Kris Phillips practised drumming for three months to mimic the drummer's drumming.

Naran didn't have any dance training so she essentially trained for about a year and a half to get to the point where she could perform Daji's dance. Daji's hair was 2.2 m long so it would have been really difficult to dance with that. Her robes are also very long and made of wool so it would have been pretty heavy.

The dance scene took 3 days to shoot.

The colour on Daji's eyes is actually feathers, going back to the animal motif for Daji.

Ah so Daji's robes were purposefully blood-red.

In the original story, Bo Yikao was playing guqin, but they changed it to a flute in the movie. However, this flute is not the modern Chinese flute, but rather it was based on an artifact. As we can see the placement of Bo Yikao's hands on the flute is different from how a flutist would normally play. Also, we don't know what it would have sounded like so that's also up to creative liberty.

A reason why the guqin was changed to a flute was because when Yin Shou went to see Ji Chang in prison, it would have been easier for him to bring a flute than a guqin.

Wuershan described the scene of Bo Yikao bringing the horses to Ji Fa as the warmest scene in the second half of the movie :3 And they purposely lit the scenes a bit gold to show that.

Bo Yikao was looking very nervous (because he knew what awaited him), but as soon as he noticed Ji Fa looking at him, he put on a smiling face ;_;

During the entire scene where Daji was dancing and Yin Shou was playing the drums, Bo Yikao's eyes were always downcast. The only time he made eye contact in that scene was when he told Yin Shou that he would die in place of his father.

The last scene that Wuershan chose to speak on was the chase scene by the taotie >3

First we're looking at the design of the taotie. They would have been made of clay on the outside, with wooden frame inside.

Wuershan also discussed the design of taotie sounds. Apparently in Shanhai-jing (Classic of Mountain and Seas), taotie made sounds like infants, but Wuershan noted that that wouldn't be very scary so they didn't go with that lol.

I'm guessing the blue is for the animators to later add trees and bramble.

It's kind of wild that they have a set like this. Like, an artificial forest. Apparently it was built in the world's biggest filming set. It was 160m x 60m large. It had to be this long because the horses needed that long of a distance to reach a certain speed. As well, the horses could only run for 8 minutes so they had to get all the filming done during those 8 minutes.

So the filming of these taotie chase scenes lasted 2-3 months. If I understand correctly it was because they would film the horses for 8 minutes and then the horses would go rest. Then the production crew would move the trees around to give it another appearance, and then they would get the horses in to run for 8 minutes again. They moved the trees to give the impression of a larger forest when really they would have just been running around the same set.

Ahh so when the taotie got stuck under a tree, its clay paw splashed in a puddle and at that point Ji Fa would have seen his paw disintegrate a bit. So that's what would have given Ji Fa the idea to lead the taotie to water.

The lighting in this scene was meant to highlight that the riders were riding west, at sunset, to Xiqi (which is Ji Fa's home). And then when he got to the Yellow River, it would have been morning already, which is why the sun would have come from behind. We also see this change by the lighting on Shen Gong Bao's face. At the beginning of the chase, the light came from his right side, but when he caught up to Ji Fa at the Yellow River, the light came from his left side.

LMAO ok finally confirmation that no horses were harmed in the scene where Ji Fa jumped into the river ^^;; He was riding a prop horse that was later animated into his Xue Long Ju. The horse falling into the river was also animated!!!!! So now we know X3 Wuershan himself was quite amused at the expression of the horse falling into the river.

Ji Fa struggling in the river was filmed in a pool. A huge wave was created to show the taotie falling in the water. Wuershan noted that water in general was difficult to animate.

This was super fun to watch. Wuershan has a calming way of speaking and he is rather eloquent. He also clearly has a lot of passion for this movie to be able to talk about it to this extent. I know he spent a lot of time recruiting and preparing for the movie. Even at the end of the video he was like "if you have any more questions, y'all can reach out." Like he cares a lot and knowing that a movie was made with love honestly makes it even more engaging to me.

#thinking out loud #screencaps #movies #creation of the gods #wuershan

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inkofamethyst · 1 year ago

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July 24, 2023

Learning, learning, learning, learning, learning. Learning how to let go of things I can't control. Learning that not having control doesn't mean the thing will turn out badly. Learning, learning. Relinquishing, slowly.

I am the youngest of my cohort. Straight from undergrad. That doesn't necessarily bother me on its own (it means I'll have cool people to look up to and learn from!!), but I think one of the major disadvantages is that, as much as I try to hide it, I don't really have "real world experience." There are several lessons about creating personal boundaries and asserting myself in appropriate times and knowing when to just keep quiet and so many other soft skills like that which I'm still learning. Sure, I learned a lot in undergrad, but I also experienced a significant chunk of undergrad under the shadow of covid. Indoors, avoiding people. So I try to carry myself as an adult but when I make a mistake along the lines of those lessons it makes me feel like a child.

The trouble with moving, for me, is that I sometimes look for things that I hope I'll start to use in my "new life" which ultimately just leads to bloat. Maximalism is cool and all but only up to the point that everything has a real, unimagined purpose (even if that purpose is just decor; uplifting the spirit is a real and unimagined purpose (which is 1000% why I will be looking for fake plants to sit all around the place)). So for me, I've had the urge to look into a few makeup items and I'm also thinking about purses and shoes all of which I've generally been pretty minimal with for the past several years. And I mean it's not like I'm looking to go full beat-faced or whatever it's called, but maybe just some items to.. gently accentuate certain features. Like my eyes, or something. I dunno. I think I am In The Mood to Buy right now because, starting September, I'm going to have to start actively keeping track of my money. I know buying things before moving is generally a poor idea, but I'm just gonna handwave all that advice away. I'll be fine. I'll go back to being fairly frugal a month or so into paying my own bills, I'm sure of it.

As much as I'd love to live alone for a year or two or three down the line (an old friend from way way back is doing a PhD in a less expensive city and whatever her stipend is has netted her an incredible solo apartment), I don't know if that's going to be feasible to do in my city, even if I managed to save a little. It's not even like I need a ton of space or anything (nor do I want a dump shoebox), but living within a reasonable walking distance to the uni (which I'd like to do for the first two years, at least, to be close to classes) is not cheap. I'd have to move fairly far out to get a place within my budget. Maybe maybe maybe.

My Enterprise-D model should be here soon and I'm so anxious about it. Assuming it comes in good condition, it's going to look so good next to my globe. Since I probably can't drill holes in the apartment, I'm thinking about getting a desk hutch or a teeny shelving unit or a desk with attached shelves where I can display the globe and starship and fake plants next to some of the books I plan to have (mostly academic). I think I may try to thrift some bookends.

Saw Across the Spiderverse in theatres and man that was a good movie. The plot, the characters, the animation, the music, the ~cameo~, all fantastic. [edit: not just fantastic, but it felt like a breath of fresh air to the superhero genre, so comic-book-y, just lovely] I'm excited for the next one!!!

Today I'm thankful that this is the last week of this class. I calculated my hourly rate based on the amount of time I spend on this class and the flat rate stipend I get, and it's over $25 an hour!! Last winter I'm sure I spent more hours prepping, but now that I sort of know what I'm doing, it feels like a breeze in comparison.

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hadleymeetsworld · 1 year ago

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Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

Yesterday, I celebrated my 33rd birthday.

I am now working in an office job back in my hometown after traveling and working in the entertainment industry for several years-- plus the pandemic happened. The end of my 20s was a very exciting, dream-fulfilling, and special time. It has truthfully been a difficult adjustment returning to a more "normal" way of life, and I have found myself back on tumblr reading through my old journal entries from years ago.

I also haven't seen a therapist in about ten years-- what I call "raw-dogging life"-- so I've been talking with friends about how I need to search for one. I loved my old therapist, and was thinking of the reasons why I should/shouldn't reach out to her to pick up where we left off. I realized I wanted a fresh start, because when looking back, I feel like I'm having the same issues that I had ten years ago as a younger adult. Which is embarrassing in a way. On paper from an objective point of view, it kind of seems like I haven't learned anything at all. Looking back through my tumblr posts today, I saw my past issues and emotions were eerily similar to the ones I have now. Surprise... looks like the core of my personality has not changed much LOL and I'm the problem, it's me. It actually was quite a humbling experience having this epiphany.

I am still actively growing as a human being, but struggling with the fact that I can be an unreliable partner in relationships. I am still dealing with substance abuse issues-- I LOVE to party to the point where it affects my relationships, working life, and the way I feel about my body. I feel like lately I have been a little more depressed and self conscious than in my 20s, but many of my past posts discussed feeling like a bad friend and having trouble connecting with people. Just like in my old blog posts, I have definitely been romanticizing the past. I think I had a little less anxiety and more self confidence in social situations for a while there, but I am actively working on those aspects to get back on track.

I chose to pull up my tumblr today because I was remembering in my last office job in my mid-20s, I would spend my down time writing comedy, setting up aesthetically pleasing and inspiring blogs, and creating DJ sets. I just remember feeling a little more active and creative. First of all, that wasn't necessarily true. Some of the things I wrote were kind of stupid and immature, I was literally just reposting photography and drawings before meme culture began, and I actually am not extremely skilled in mixing music or writing comedy shorts. I am now a theatre person. I have traveled the world stage managing different kinds of productions. I am not a visual or sonic artist-- I am a theatrical artist whose strengths lay in organization and communication. I haven't been consistently working on shows like I was in New York, but that's OK! I have a lot of wonderful things coming up and know that I'm a wonderful Stage Manager-- which is something I really care about.

Revisiting my tumblr today turned out to be a very therapeutic and healing experience. I will always be the same me and although I've been growing immensely, I still need to practice discipline in the major areas that I've been struggling with and reflecting on for years. It is interesting I can now narrow down my core, consistent issues to these areas:

Not treating my partner with the respect they deserve

Substance abuse

Social anxiety in my friendships (feeling like people don't want me to belong or that they hate me)

Even though these are major issues, it does feel nice to review the "data" of my journal entries over the years and discover these major trends.

In terms of the social anxiety issue, I think I've hit an all-time low in this area as an adult, and I need to revert back to understanding "different strokes for different folks," and "your vibe attracts your tribe." And not get so caught up on whether or not everyone likes me or if my behavior was acceptable at a get-together. No one cares-- just be kind and thoughtful. And some people still won't like you anyways, but that is not a reflection of who you are.

In terms of lack of respect for my partner, I really dropped the ball on this one. How could I be so selfish? My guilt and horror towards my behavior has allowed me to really confront my "childhood trauma," which I have never done before. I really hope I learned my lesson this time to treat someone with honesty and respect, like how I'd want them to treat me. It really is getting old and I need to step it up. But I can also be compassionate with myself and remember I am still young and had been ignoring how models of relationships in my childhood could be impacting me today. I know I'm a good person and I am disappointed when I don't act like it towards the person I love the most. I also hate society for the toxic way it models relationships.

And my substance abuse issue sucks. LOL. I don't get why I love to party so much and I think I can continue to have fun but I need to be STRICT about my no alcohol nights. I can only do this when I'm working on a project I really care about. But I am just a bitch to the man right now and it's so hard to not go out at night. Now it's starting to affect the way I look, so hopefully that can be a good incentive to chill out, smdh.

Aww yay I'm proud of myself for being reflective and writing something! It's been a while! XOXOX

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jesusatmysix2-allgodspennies · 2 years ago

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Here's the facts: pt. 2

10. So earlier, this female up went out. I'm sitting here. I hear what sounded like keys jingling

really close to my door. So, I'm waiting. Nothing! I get up and go open the door. The revers pass by

Revving and goosenecking. After she came back in. The Revving stopped. I mean they revved right

up until she hit those steps. So, I'd be willing to bet she's gone to her unknowing support system

with her innocent Ms. Daisy act, "why, whatever did I do?" Tears! Tears!

11. Although the majority of the harassment has been by Mexicans. They've had a little assistance.

Valley Metro supervisors use to come where I use to sleep. Valley Metro janitorial workers

(Mexican, some whiggers) would come sit out there two in the morning, music blasting. One Mexican

dude (janitorial worker) kept walking pass me at night holding his broom like a weapon and just

glaring at me in passing. They would all wait until I tied down my backpack to my handle of my

scooter. One night this b-otch comes out with music blasting. Sat and started staring at me. I

politely put my backpack on the ground and road up on his ass. He ain't f*** with anymore after

that.

Then there was the drunk ass Mexican janitorial worker who decided to kick me while was sleeping.

I looked for his ass for months. Then they got this alcoholic old gay white man to start harassing

me. He use to have the police come hide until he'd finished working. His drinking partner

(gay ass Mexican) pointed me out to Tempe police. That night shift was placating all the BS that

was going on around there. The harassment of the homeless. Escorting the revers up and down the

street. Then they started running into the train tracks. The train! It got crazy, but that's

What happens when there's no adult supervision.The Mexicans started driving shooting at the homeless

I chased their asses down this little street leading to the area they hung out in at the lake.

Wasn't nothing down there but teenagers and older males trying to get laid. Getting high!

A whore hangout!

They started finding needles around the area and tried to blame it on the homeless.

Knowing that this gay nigga was selling drugs to the Mexican kids and college students.

Dude that use tell come collect his drug money use to stop where I slept and tell me all his

business until they told him what I use to do for a living. That's when I realized just how

ignorant they were.

The main instigator was this Mexican bitch. He really is! The black hellcat. He use to screw with

every night. One evening he followed me into the parking lot as I stopped at Safeway. He parked

behind another vehicle. So, when I came out of the store. He was waiting. So I went, pulled my

scooter up beside him and ate my food. Should have taken a picture of his face when I stopped.

PRICELESS!

Last time I was him he was at the Marque Theatre. There was some stuff with that place too.

11. Going back a year or so ago. I was rolling up onto the train platform. This black dude was

sitting on his phone. Didn't know him, but I recognized his face. I could hear what he was saying

thou he called himself whispering, "here comes that crazy old lady."

He starts laughing, "take her ass up outta here!" As a suggestion! So when I got to where he sitting

I stopped. Looked right in his face, "you do it!" He got up and left.

Ain't nothing innocent about the bullshit (there, I said it..... It's bullshit) that's going on

in this valley. All you have to do is sit back and watch. Be quiet, mind your business, AND WATCH!

This place where I'm at now, was/is a set up. Racism tries to be cunning. And these demons are good

at playing the victim, and villainizing their prey. And whenever you have young people that are so

socially and self destructive. Look at their parents. I didn't raise mine, and let her experience

doing her little wrong. But I also let her experience a good ass kicking as a teenager. Parents

become their kids friends, and a lot are scared of their kids. That's a lost child. My career

has followed them from court commits (of the wealthy kids, cops kids, street kids), to juvenile

detention, right into the prison system.

95% of the time, it's the parenting.

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chaeryybomb · 3 years ago

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TRAITOR

pairings: female reader x lee heeseung

summary: you thought lee heeseung was the best boyfriend you could ever wished for. but they did warn you about long distanced relationships. at first, you convinced yourself that it was just your insecurities taking over. but your gut feeling has never been wrong

genre: college au, lovers to exes, fluff, angst, sad ending

featuring: kang hyewon, shin ryujin, lee chaeryeong, lee daehwii, yang jeongin & zhong chenle

word count: 10.4k

warnings: breaking up, mentions of insecurity and cheating, arguments, strong language

the sour series masterlist

Setting down the final box on the ground, you released a sigh of relief and stretched your arms upwards. The satisfying sounds of your joints popping gave you a sense of relief as you stretched. Then you felt a pair of arms snake around your waist. You smiled as you took in his familiar scent. You reached up to touch his neck as Heeseung pressed a kiss to the side of your head.

"Thank you for your help, lovely," he mumbled in your hair.

You turned around in his arms and clasped your hands behind his neck, toying with the back of his hair. Lee Heeseung was looking at you with pure love in his eyes and you couldn't be more happy. "I can't believe we're both finally in university," he said, squeezing your waist.

"Hmm yeah, finally out of high school," you hummed. "It's sad that we didn't get into the same university though," you cupped his left cheek, rubbing his cheek lovingly with your thumb.

Heeseung nuzzled into your hand, slowly drawing you closer. "I can always drive to your dorm, it's just a three hour drive from here."

"Or I can drive to you," you replied.

He scoffed, "Yeah if you get your driver's license," he teased.

You rolled your eyes and softly punched him on the chest before pushing yourself away from his embrace. "Listen, not all of us can miraculously pass on their first try okay," you defended yourself but Heeseung just laughed at you.

Although you tried to act like you were mad at his joke, you couldn't wipe the smile off your face as you sat down on his bed. Currently, the two of you were in Heeseung's dorm. You wanted to help him move in before you had to leave. Heeseung and you were high school sweethearts, the school's loveliest couple. And you've been together ever since then. Today marked a new milestone for the both of you as you had finally graduated from high school and now both of you were accepted into different universities.

The both of you had decided to do what's best for each other and went to different schools. It was for the sake of your future, you didn't want to cause a commotion just because you guys were three hours apart. Plus, it was just three hours. Heeseung could always come visit you and video calls were a thing. You're friends were scared that the both of you wouldn't survive a long distance relationship but you had faith in each other. And that was enough.

Heeseung was lucky to have a room all for himself, whereas you had to share a dorm with two other girls. His room was small but big enough for one person. You knew Heeseung was a simple man, if it had a bed and a table, that would be enough for him. A knock on the door caught your attention, you suddenly remembered that you guys had left the door open when you were moving boxes.

Outside the door stood a pretty girl with long blonde hair. She was really pretty, you noted. She looked so natural as a blonde as well, you couldn't help but thought. The pretty girl sent both of you an awkward smile and waved. You stood up and walked to her, somewhat excited to make a new friend.

"Hi!" You greeted her with a smile, you felt Heeseung behind you.

"Hi," she mirrored your smile. "I'm Hyewon, I'm from the room next door," she pointed out.

"Oh! I'm Heeseung," the taller boy introduced himself. "And this is my girlfriend, Y/N," he smiled at you.

"It's nice to meet you, are you both music majors too?" Hyewon asked. It was common for Hyewon to ask that, considering the university Heeseung applied for is known for their music stream. Heeseung was extremely talented, being blessed with a heavenly voice and all. It was his dream to pursue a music career. Thanks to you, he found the courage to do so,

"Oh no, just him. I don't actually go here," you immediately told her. "I actually go to George University instead."

"Oh! So you're a theatre major then," Hyewon said, surprising you a bit. You nodded in return and Hyewon's smile seemed to grow wider. The university you applied to was quite well known for its theatre arts course. "That's so cool, I'm a theatre major too!"

Your eyes lit up in excitement and you stepped closer to the blonde, eager to learn more about her. But before you could ask her anything, your phone chimed. You gave her an apologetic look before checking your phone. "It's my mom, she's asking when I'll be home. I still have to pack up," you said disappointed. You really wanted to talk more with Hyewon so the both of you could geek out. (And spend a bit more time with Heeseung.) Hyewon looked disappointed too that you couldn't stay longer.

"Let me drive you home," Heeseung started to move to get his keys but you placed your hand on his arm to stop him.

"Nah, it's fine," you shook your head. "I can take the bus home."

"Then I'll walk you to the bus stop," Heeseung said with determination. He was gonna make use of whatever time he had to spend it with you, even if it was for five seconds.

You realised that there was no way of rejecting him, so you just chuckled and said, "Alright, let me grab my bag then." But Heeseung was already one step ahead of you as he had already gone to get it for you. You sent another smile to Hyewon. "It was really great to meet you, Hyewon. I hope we can talk again soon," you told her.

"Likewise Y/N, have a safe trip home," she bid you goodbye before returning to her room.

Heeseung appeared behind you once again, sneakily slipped his fingers through yours and pulled you out of the room. He locked the door with your bag on his shoulder, he looked like he had the intention of not letting you hold it.

"C'mon," he tugged your hand and you giggled, falling into step with him.

The walk to the bus stop felt quicker than it should be, much to your dismay. The bus stop was empty besides the both of you. As the two of you stood under it, you mindlessly swung your intertwined hands back and forth. Heeseung laughed at your action. He released your hand and you looked up curious on why he did it. Heeseung moved so he was standing behind you and wrapped his arms around you, effectively back hugging you.

Your lips tugged upward at the position you were and you held onto his arms. Slowly, he started to rock you back and forth. "I'm gonna miss you," he suddenly said.

You couldn't help but let your smile falter. You were gonna miss him too, you're gonna miss him so much. "This is the first time where we'll be so far apart, I think I might die without you," he rubbed his face into your hair as you laughed at his words.

"I'll call you everyday, Hee. I promised," you assured him with a pat on his arm. The taller boy only hummed in reply but you felt him move his arms to your middle so he could bury his face in the crook of your neck. You giggled when you felt him peppered small kisses up around your neck.

"I love you," he mumbled before pressing a loving kiss to the top of your head.

"Love you too," you leaned back into him.

Just in time you saw the bus in the distance, which meant your time with Heeseung was ending. As the bus slowed down in front of you, your boyfriend finally reluctantly let you go from his slip. "I'll see you soon, okay?" you promised him. He nodded and leaned down to give you one more kiss before you entered the bus.

Sitting down, you waved from the window and he gave you a smile. Oh god, you already missed him. Heeseung watched as your bus left the station. You sighed, leaning back into the seat. This was the beginning of a new chapter of your relationship, and you have faith that the both of you will be okay.

"Thank you," you said to the barista as she handed you your coffee. With your free hand, you pushed the front door open. The November breeze welcomed you once you stepped outside, your coffee warming your fingertips. Your phone then started to ring in your pocket. You fished your phone out and a smile crept onto your face when you saw the contact name.

"Hello, love," Heeseung greeted as soon as you picked up. You smiled at him, holding your phone in front of your face.

"Good morning, Hee. I just got my coffee," you showed him your coffee like it was a little trinket. Heeseung laughed at your child-like action. The second semester was almost ending and your relationship was still going strong. The both of you were consistent with the video calls and text messages. You'd be calling him at the end of every day and the two of you would talk about your day till one of you fell asleep. (Spoiler: It was usually you.)

And now your second semester as a couple is ending, the both of you had decided to retreat back to your hometown during the break like you did during your first break. So you could bask in each other's presence and visit some old friends. It was slowly starting to become a tradition and you couldn't ask for anything more.

"So, how was your audition?" Heeseung asked as you walked past a group of band kids, sending them a smile as they waved at you.

At the mention of the audition, your smile turned into a pout. "Rejected, as usual," you sighed. You have auditioned for almost every play in your school but you were always rejected or chosen as a background character if you were lucky. You knew that there were a lot of talented students in your school, but you felt dejected each time.

"Sorry, love. I'm sure you'll have better luck next time," Heeseung told you with a sad smile. "I wish I could hold you right now."

You looked at him with a sad gaze, "Me too, Hee." You couldn't lie that long distance relationships were hard, everyday was spent through a screen and you yearned to be next with him physically. During the first few weeks, you told yourself that you would get used to it after a while. Spoiler alert, you still haven't gotten used to it. "But enough of that!" You said, waving away the depressed aura and taking a long sip from your coffee before letting out a sigh. "Our break is coming up and I can't wait to see you."

At the mention of the break, you noticed how Heeseung visibly flinched. His eyes suddenly weren't looking at you anymore, averting his gaze to the side instead. "We are going to be seeing each other, right?" You inquired. But you were met with silence, you stopped in your tracks when Heeseung didn't say anything. "Hee?"

"Actually, Y/N," he started to say and you felt your heart sink already. He didn't call you "love". Some may say you were being dramatic, but Heeseung only used your name whenever something was serious. You're not going to be able to see him during break, your mind told you. You knew it was the most possible outcome, but you hoped that you were wrong.

"I'm not going back during break."

And there it was, what possibly could have been the worse news for you. "Oh," was all you could say, your fingers tightened slightly around the plastic cup before you plastered on a fake smile. "Well, there's always next semester," you assured him, but it felt more like you were reassuring yourself. This was going to be your first winter break without Heeseung.

Heeseung smiled at your reply, a twinge of sadness in him but he brushed it off. "The reason is cause a senior from the film department asked me for help," he explained. "You see, there's a music video competition and he asked me if I could write a song for it."

Your eyes lit up in excitement. "No way! So they're gonna shoot a music video for your song?"

Heeseung nodded with a big smile. "Yup! It's such a big project, like they're bringing in some of the theatre kids as the actors and we're gonna start filming, like next month."

"I'm so happy for you, love," you told him truthfully. Internally, you were scolding yourself for feeling sad that he wouldn't be free during the break when he has something big going on in his life. Stop being so selfish, your mind scolded. Of course you felt a bit blue but this was a big opportunity for Heeseung, imagine if they won the competition. He would finally get some recognition for his music. And the fact that the senior chose him to write the song meant that people were already starting to appreciate his songs and his voice. You were being selfish, like a child.

As Heeseung continued to tell you about the project, you resumed your walk back to your dorms. You listened to him intensively, capturing every small detail in your heart. It was rare for you to see him speak so passionate. Music was his passion, his safe place. You knew that and you wanted him to live a life where he could make his dream a reality. A singer on the bright stage with thousands, no, millions of fans to appreciate his vocals.

You managed to reach your dorm just as Heeseung was being called for off screen. A feminine voice was calling from him and you easily recognised it. "Is that Hyewon?" You asked.

A few seconds passed and a familiar looking pretty blonde came into view. "Y/N? Y/N, hi!" The blonde waved at you enthusiastically, Heeseung was slowly being pushed out of the frame. You could tell he was scooting over to make space for Hyewon. An uneasy feeling slowly sprouted in you when you saw how Hyewon and Heeseung were sitting too close, but you shoved it down when the blonde girl grinned at you.

"Y/N!"

"Hyewon!" You responded with the same enthusiasm, which made the two of you burst into a fit of giggles.

"I'm so sorry for disturbing your time but Chan is looking for you," she apologised, the last part directed to your boyfriend.

"Ah, it's okay, I understand," you said.

"I'll talk to you later, okay? Love you," Heeseung said once Hyewon was out of frame.

"Love you too," you replied and your phone screen turned black, your reflection staring right back at you. You were frowning. With a sigh, you stuffed your phone back into your phone pocket to unlock your front door. Your coffee was now cold in your hands and the uneasy feeling from before was slowly creeping back in. You did not like it one bit.

Chaeryeong and Ryujin thought you were being dramatic, they were right in a way. But you were too busy missing Heeseung to be bothered. You missed his warmth, his voice, the way his hands perfectly fit yours when he held them. you missed the way you laid your head on his chest when he sat behind you, you could always hear his steady heartbeat. It always lulled you to sleep in seconds.

You let out a long and loud sigh as you flipped onto your back on your childhood bed. You had returned to your hometown one week ago, which also meant another week without Heeseung. Your best friend and roommate, Chaeryeong, was the one who drove you both home. The last time you saw her was when she dropped you off at your parents home. And you've been dwelling in your Heeseung-less days ever since.

Reaching over to retrieve your phone, you moved to open your chat with Heeseung. The last text message from him was from this morning. It was just a simple "good morning" text, and you replied with the same message except you added a heart emoticon at the end. And the message was on delivered. Not even on read. You don't know which one was worse.

Your phone suddenly dinged and you immediately sat up straight, thinking it was Heeseung. But your shoulders sagged in disappointment when you saw it was just a message from Jeongin. If Ryujin had seen you right now, the short hair girl would have called you a "lovesick fool". She was right, of course but still.

[2:42 pm] jeongin: guess what

[2:44 pm] chenle: what

[2:44 pm] jeongin: guess

[2:45 pm] chenle: no

[2:45 pm] chenle: just tell us

[2:46 pm] jeongin: g u e s s

[2:46 pm] chenle: n o

[2:46 pm] jeongin: guess goddammit

[2:48 pm] ryujin: jeongin i stg

[2:48 pm] ryujin: i will break ur kneecaps just tell us

[2:49 pm] jeongin: ugh fine theres a amusement park and i wanna go

[2:50 pm] chenle: its winter

[2:50 pm] jeongin: yeah and

[2:50 pm] jeongin: is there snow? no

[2:51 pm] jeongin: so therefore, amusement park

[2:51 pm] ryujin: i-

[2:52 pm] chaeryeong: where is it

[2:52 pm] jeongin: its like a 2 hours away from here

[2:54 pm] ryujin: and who tf would be driving us genius

[2:55 pm] jeongin: y/n bc she loves us

[2:56 pm] y/n: since when

[2:56 pm] chaeryeong: and shes alive, great job jeongin

[2:57 pm] chaeryeong: u pulled her out from her depression

i[2:58 pm] y/n: hey im not depressed >:(

[2:59 pm] ryujin: hm sure

[2:59 pm] y/n: >:(

[3:00 pm] y/n: also i dont have my drivers license yet dumbass

[3:01 pm] jeongin: ah right i also forgot y/n cant drive

[3:01 pm] jeongin: ryujin it is

[3:02 pm] ryujin: whAT I DID NOT AGREE TO THIS

[3:03 pm] chaeryeong: lets meet up at jeongin's place then

[3:03 pm] chenle: cool with me

[3:05 pm] ryujin: HEY DONT IGNORE ME

[3:04 pm] y/n: sure!

You stifled a laugh as you read Ryujin's message. Then, you switched to check your chat between Heeseung and you. It was still on delivered. Maybe he's just busy with filming and recording. Yeah, he's probably busy. Stop being so selfish, Y/N.

Yang Jeongin just had to choose the coldest day of the year to go to the amusement park, didn't he. You silently thanked yourself for dressing up in an extra layer, unlike Chenle who looked like he was about to die from frostbite. Whereas Jeongin had a huge grin plastered on his face as he looked at the Ferris Wheel ahead. You rubbed your hands together, bringing it to your mouth to blow hot air at it. You heard the car door slam shut behind you and Ryujin walked next to you.

Families lined up at the ticket booth, laughter and chatter filled the atmosphere. You spot some couples around the area as well, the sight of them tugged at your heartstrings. You wished Heeseung was here with you, he would've wanted to go on the Ferris Wheel with you.

Chaeryeong linked arms with you and Ryujin, leading the two of you to the entrance. The boys already beat you guys to it, you realised. Once Chenle handed you your ticket, you were immediately dragged to the first ride that caught Jeongin's eye.

After a couple of hours, you found yourself resting on the bench with a cup of hot chocolate at your side. Your social battery was empty and you didn't know where the rest of your friends had gone. Ryujin may have mentioned going to the restroom, you're not sure, you were too tired to keep up. So here you were, on the bench next to the Teacups Ride.

You watched as the visitors walked past you. Some were students with their friends laughing as if it was their last day on earth, children giggling as their parents lifted them up in the air and couples sharing a loving look. You fiddle with your phone, debating whether you wanted to text Heeseung or not.

The both of you had called each other last night. You couldn't see him but his voice sounded tired. You felt bad for calling him. Maybe it was for the best if you didn't. You picked up your hot chocolate, the warmth spreading through your fingers as you blew on it. Your body relaxed once you took a sip, enjoying as the warmth spread through your body. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed a very familiar looking coat.

You saw a couple walking together, he was wearing a coat that looked identical to the one you gifted Heeseung last year during Christmas. It was almost as if that was Heeseung, well his back kinda looked like his and Heeseung was about that height as well. But it couldn't be him, his school was almost three hours away from here. Plus the girl beside him was blonde, she kinda looked like Hyewon.

What are the odds of those two being here, you laughed. But when those two stopped in their tracks to look at the Ferris Wheel, your entire body froze right there and then. That was Heeseung and Hyewon together. What were they doing here?

Your body reacted immediately by standing up. Heart beating rapidly, you were about to walk towards them when you saw Heeseung laughing at something the blonde said. A gnawing feeling grew in you, he was laughing with her. He was at the amusement park with her. Not you. Her.

And he never mentioned anything about going to the amusement park, let alone the same one you were going to. Your feet stayed glued to the ground as you watched them get into one of the carts. Why was he here? Why didn't he tell you? Why was he with her? Why? Why? Why?

You saw Hyewon stopped from getting into the cart and she stretched her hand out while she looked up in the sky, Heeseung following her. It was snowing. It was the first snow. And Heeseung spent it with Hyewon, while you watched from the sidelines. They looked like an actual couple. Snow started to fall, your hot chocolate was losing its warmth and jealousy filled up instead. The noise drilled out of your ear so all you heard was a low buzz, your gaze burning on the two. You didn't notice Ryujin walking towards you.

"Jesus, the line was so long that I-" Ryujin stopped mid sentence, her eyes following the direction of your gaze. "Y/N?"

You walked past her without saying anything, chucking the drink into a trashcan.

Your phone felt heavy in your hands as you paced around your room. You knew your eyes weren't wrong. It was Heeseung and Hyewon at the amusement park, you could tell it was him from a mile away. After that incident, you went to find your friends and told them you wanted to go home because you weren't feeling well. It was partially a lie anyway, you didn't feel comfortable. You don't know what you would do if you had stumbled upon them.

Thousands of questions echoed through your mind. And you couldn't bear to ask Heeseung. You knew you had questions but you didn't know what to ask. Why didn't you tell me? Why were you with Hyewon? Why wouldn't you tell me?

Your phone suddenly rang, causing you to jolt in surprise. The phone screen lit up with his name in bold. He was calling you. Without thinking, you accepted the call.

"Hey, love," Heeseung's smooth voice greeted you.

"Hey," you replied, making sure your tone was steady. You were silently grateful that it wasn't a video-call so he couldn't see the nervousness in your eyes.

"How was the amusement park?" He asked.

You bit your thumb, hesitant to answer. Should you tell him that you saw him today? "It was fun, a lot of people thought," you hummed, moving over to sit on your bed.

"You know, funny story. Today we actually went to an amusement park too," he suddenly said and you froze on the spot. "They decided to film there so we went there in the afternoon, it started snowing too!"

You felt a weight was lifted from your heart. So it was just a pure coincidence. Heeseung never planned to go to the amusement park, he just went with what they said. "It would've been funny if we bumped into each other, don't you think, love?" He laughed but you couldn't find the energy to laugh along.

"Yeah," you mumbled, leaning back into your pillows. He was there to film for the music video. He's busy with the music video. It's always for the music video. You trust Heeseung, don't you?

Winter break went by like the cold breeze and now cherry pink flowers occupied the empty branches. Flowers were blooming from the left and right, the cold winter was now in the past and you welcomed (the still cold) spring into your arms. Which meant you left whatever uneasy feeling and doubts in the past.

You were currently in Heeseung's dorm. Today was a big day, it's the day where they were gonna upload the music video and Heeseung wanted you to be there to watch it with him. Heeseung picked you up from the bus stop and then took you out for lunch. Thankfully it was the weekend so you could stay for the night.

Heeseung was at his desk, his thumbs typing away as he laughed silently at his phone. You wondered who he was texting. Maybe he's texting Hyewon, your mind taunted. You shook your head to drive the thoughts away, you were not going to be paranoid. You already left the bitter feelings in winter, you agreed with yourself that you'll leave it behind. You trust Heeseung.

"Who are you texting?" Yet the question slipped out of you either way.

"Huh?" Heeseung looked up, like a deer caught in headlights. "Oh, uh no one," he quickly said, turning off his phone and placing it on his desk. "I think the music video is uploaded," he added before you could question him more.

He moved to his bed, where you were sitting. You scooted over to make space for him as he sat next to you with his laptop propped on his lap. He clicked into his senior's channel, Jeong Yunho, you took note. And there it was, the music video, uploaded forty five seconds ago. You let out an excited noise once you saw it.

"Not for sale," you read the title out loud. Heeseung had a proud look on.

The music video started off with a frame of Heeseung and Hyewon facing each other, then he handed her a note with the words "Not For Sale" on it. The camera then panned out to film the sky where the title appeared again in bold, and the song started to play. The song had a bubbly beat to it and Heeseung's angelic voice accompanied it. The music video was filled with pastels and some scenes were filmed at the amusement park. Specifically, at the carousel. There weren't any scenes of the Ferris Wheel though, you noted.

The video ended with Heeseung and Hyewon holding hands as they face the sunset, while the camera slowly zooms away from them and into the sky. The last scene was a black screen with all the credits listed out. When you saw Heeseung's name being credited for writing the song, you felt a sense of pride inside of you. Your boyfriend wrote this song, of course you're going to be proud.

Once the video ended, you threw your arms around Heeseung. Heeseung laughed as he wrapped an arm around your middle and the other holding onto his laptop. You planted a big fat kiss on his cheek and he tightened his hold on you.

"The song was so good, Hee! I'm so proud of you, babe," you complimented him, one hand reaching up to ruffle his hair while the other cupped his cheek.

Heeseung smiled and leaned into your touch. "Thank you so much, lovely. This song means a lot to me," he kissed your nose. "I actually thought of you when I wrote this song," he confessed.

You blinked at him, your heart beating faster as you processed his words. You were kneeling on his bed as he looked up at you, pink dusted on his cheeks. Instead of saying anything, you threw yourself onto him, tightly wrapping your arms around his torso to buried your head in his neck. Heeseung let out an "oof" when you knocked him back onto his bed, his laptop on the edge of his bed.

"I love you," you mumbled.

"I love you, too," he said. His hand reached up to stroke your head as the both of you laid there in each other's embrace.

A few minutes passed and Heeseung tapped on your head to get your attention. "Hm?" you hummed in reply.

"I need to go pee, love."

"No," you said stubbornly, tightening your arms around him.

"Please, love. I'll be back fast, I promise," Heeseung told you, looking down on you.

You lifted your head to rest your chin on his chest as you narrowed your eyes at him. "Hng, fine," you pouted before you rolled off him.

"Thank you, lovely," he pecked your lips before pushing himself off his bed, not before moving his laptop to his desk.

You watched as Heeseung left his dorm to go to the restroom. You stretched your arms upwards, making grabby hands in the air before sitting up. You reached over to his desk, which was next to the bed, to get your phone when you saw Heeseung's phone lit up. You knew you shouldn't have looked but when her name was in bold white, you couldn't look away.

[4:47 pm] hyewon: can't wait to do it again hee!

"Can't wait to do it again?" You read the message out loud. Can't wait to do what again? And since when did Hyewon called him "Hee"? That was your nickname for him. The bitter feelings from winter crept back into you like the cold seeping in through the crack of your window. Why did you feel so uneasy whenever Hyewon was alone with Heeseung? Was there something going on?

No, they're just friends, Y/N, you reminded yourself. Just friends.

The door opened and your eyes snapped up to see Heeseung returning from the restroom. Suddenly, you wanted to get out of here. You don't know why, but that text message from her just rubbed you the wrong way and you wanted to get out of there before you say something you regret.

"Ryujin just texted me that she needs my help," you lied. You stood up to grab your coat and bag from the chair.

"Woah, woah, what's with the hurry?" Heeseung took a hold of your wrist as he looked at you. But your eyes didn't meet his.

"Ryujin has an emergency, she needs my help," you said again, this time firmly.

"Oh," his grip on you loosened and you pulled your hand back to you. "I'll drive you back-"

"No, it's fine," you cut him off. "I-I'll take the bus home. I'll call you tonight," the words rushed out of your lips and soon enough you were out of his door.

You did not call him that night.

You ignored Ryujin's questions when you reached your dorm, she didn't press on. Now it was Sunday morning and Ryujin had left for breakfast. You felt bad for leaving Heeseung like that and ignoring Ryujin when she just wanted to help you. And you knew you should've talked it out instead of walking out. Sighing, you curled deeper into your blanket.

After a few minutes, you threw your covers off and sat up. Maybe some warm breakfast would make you feel better. So you went down to the cafeteria to see your friends all huddled up at the corner.

"Y/N, just in time!" Jeongin called out. Curious, you walked towards them and saw that they were watching Heeseung's music video.

"The song is so sweet," Chaeryeong cooed, leaning onto you.

You let out an awkward laugh, not quite sure what to feel because of the act you pulled yesterday.

"It has almost two thousand views. I bet you must feel so proud, huh," Chaeryeong said.

You bit the inside of your cheek as you nodded. Now you feel even more bad, Heeseung wrote this song for you and you should've stayed at his dorm to celebrate with him. Instead, you left because you saw one text message without context. You were being a bad girlfriend, you should apologise to him.

"Who's the other girl? She's really pretty," Jeongin suddenly asked.

"Ah, that's Hyewon. She's his neighbour," you explained.

"Hyewon? As in Kang Hyewon?" Daehwii suddenly said. He was passing by when he heard you say her name and pulled a chair across Jeongin. You nodded. "Oh, I know her," he casually said.

You tilted your head to the side. "You do?" Jeongin leaned forward. You heard Ryujin mumble "simp" under her breath, and you bit back a laugh.

"Mhmm," Daehwii nodded and pulled out his phone. A few seconds later, he showed his phone screen and it was Hyewon's Instagram. "I went to the same high school with her, she was really popular. All the teachers said she had the face of an actress. There was a rumour that she even got scouted by an entertainment company."

Ryujin reached over to grab his phone to scroll through her account. "Woah, she has like two hundred thousand followers," she said in amazement. You leaned closer to Ryujin to check, Hyewon sure was popular.

"Yeah, she's a free-lance model and I think she models for smaller brands," Daehwii added.

You couldn't help but feel very small next to her. She was beautiful and she had somewhat of a reputation in the entertainment industry, a rising model. Imagine what kind of connections she could get for Heeseung…

"I bet Heeseung wrote this song for you," Ryujin suddenly said, smoothly switching the topic back to the song.

You felt your cheeks to warm up at her words. Sheepishly, you nodded. Your friends immediately reacted with a chorus of "ooh"s and Chaeryeong playfully nudged your shoulder. "Fuck Romeo and Juliet, I want what these bitches have," Jeongin quoted and the rest of you fell into laughter.

After breakfast, you and Ryujin strolled back to your rooms with your arms linked together. She was telling you about what happened when you weren't here yesterday. "And then he said and I quote "sometimes bullying is okay" just as a family was walking by, the mom was literally glaring at us," you laughed as she told you. "And then- oh," she stopped, and you stopped as well. She was looking ahead of you so you followed her gaze.

"Heeseung?" His name left your lips before you could even process the whole situation.

Heeseung waved awkwardly at you, internally wincing when you used his full name. You and Ryujin exchanged a look before Ryujin pushed you towards him. You stumbled right into his arms but you took a step out of his arms, you rubbed your forearms instead.

"What are you doing here?" You asked him.

"Ah," he rubbed the back of his neck, "I wanted to surprise you since you left early yesterday. I hope you were able to solve Ryujin's problem."

At the mention of Ryujin's "emergency", you stiffened because you didn't mention that you had used her in a lie. You could feel her eyes on you and mentally hope that she got the message.

"Uh, yeah. It was solved," Ryujin replied with an awkward chuckle. "Actually, I forgot I had to meet up with Chaeryeong so it was great seeing you, Heeseung." You turned around and mouthed a "thank you" at her and she gave you a look as if to say "we are going to talk about this later".

And then the two of you were left alone in the empty hallway. Was it always this awkward?

Heeseung stood awkwardly in your room. This was the first time he looked so out of place. Usually, you were the one at his dorm. He doesn't come over to yours that often since he was more busy than you. So it truly was a surprise when you saw him outside your door.

"So, uh, how are you?" He asked.

You hummed in reply. "I'm doing fine," as you sat down on your bed.

"Great! That's great," he coughed while he played with his fingers.

And then the awkward silence returns. You knew it was your fault for walking out yesterday, you probably made him think he did something wrong. When really it was just you refusing to communicate. You gripped your sheets, your mind running laps on what to say. But he beat you to it.

"Did I do something wrong?"

Your eyes snapped up to finally meet his eyes, he was looking at you with brown innocent eyes. Your heart broke a bit at the sight. "It's not you," you assured him. "It's…it's just me," you told him truthfully.

Heeseung looked at you with confusion, he didn't understand what was wrong. He wanted to help but he didn't know how. So instead, he slowly moved to sit next to you. When you did not move away, he took it as a sign of permission. So he took your hands into his, slowly rubbing circles on top of your hand.

"I'm sorry," you whispered.

"Love, what are you even sorry about?" He softly asked.

"I saw you at the amusement park that day," you confessed.

Heeseung's fingers stopped moving. "Oh," was all he could say. You bit the inside of your cheek, the atmosphere shifted but you can't read him at all.

"I'm sorry," you whispered again because you didn't know what to say. "Ever since that day, I've been feeling weird whenever I see you with Hyewon and I don't like it."

"Love," he softly cupped your cheek to make you look at him, "are you perhaps jealous?" he asked with a teasing tone. You shifted your gaze to the side, you were jealous but you were reluctant to admit it. But your avoiding eyes already sold you out. Heeseung chuckled and brought you into his embrace. "There's nothing to be jealous of. Hyewon and I are just friends," he assured you.

His voice was genuine when he told you and you felt a sense of relief hearing him say those words. You fell forward to hug him and Heeseung immediately accepted you. He planted a kiss on the top of your head and sighed. "Next time we're gonna be honest with each other, okay?"

"Okay."

Heeseung was right, honesty was the key to maintaining a healthy relationship, Heeseung has been nothing but truthful to you since the start, and you allowed yourself to be overwhelmed by your insecurities instead of talking it out. This reminded you of when Heeseung once shut you out because he didn't want to burden you.

He hid his passion for music from you because he thought you would react like his parents, against him. He refused to tell you the truth which left you confused and hurt. Did I do something wrong? The question was constantly in your head. It wasn't until you forced it out of him, and it was the first time you saw his composed figure break down in tears. You embraced him and assured him with comforting words, you loved him at his worst.

And you told him the exact same words: "Next time we're gonna be honest with each other, okay?"

Exam season was the most painful time of your life. Everyday was the same routine: wake up, eat, study, sleep and repeat. You're starting to spend more time in the library than in the comfort of the dorm. Heeseung was just as busy as you, the both of you rarely have enough time to check up on each other. But you tried and so did he.

You plucked out your earphones and let it fall into your lap as you stretched your arms upwards. Chaeryeong and Ryujin were scattered around your shared room, with the latter laying face down on her bed. The three of you had spent your entire morning studying for your own examinations. You had sent Heeseung a quick good morning text before telling him that your phone will be on silent mode until you were done.

That was six hours ago. You pushed your laptop away from you as you reached over for your phone. You smiled when you saw your first notification was from your boyfriend.

[8:15 am] hee <3: okay remember to stay hydrated love! and take some breaks in between!!!

"Look at her, smiling all lovey dovey and shit," Ryujin sneered at you in disgust as she lifted herself onto her elbows.

You stuck your tongue out at her before typing a reply.

[3:52 pm] y/n: guess who's done studying??

While waiting for his reply, you decided to scroll through Instagram. Tapping through people's stories, you stumbled upon Hyewon's one. (She had followed you a few weeks ago.) Your thumb pressed down on your phone screen as your breath hitched. It was a photo of Heeseung, it looked like he was in the library and he was reading a book. The words "with mr. hardworking" positioned above his head. You tapped through to the next slide and it was a candid of Heeseung looking up at her with a smile, his hand outreached to grab her phone. This time the words "oops, got caught" were written on the side. You checked and saw it was posted ten minutes okay.

You frowned at the two photos. You knew Heeseung said they were just friends, but you couldn't shake that uneasy feeling away. Your mind was telling you that they weren't but your heart was with Heeseung.

"Who's that?" Chaeryeong suddenly asked.

You jump, startled. Since when was she behind you? Chaeryeong ignored your expression and leaned towards your phone. "Isn't that Heeseung? Who's he with?" She asked.

"Hyewon," you answered.

Ryujin crawled over to plop down next to you, her curious eyes peering up at your phone. "The same girl we saw at the amusement park?" The short-haired girl asked.

You looked down at her, shocked. You never told her about what you saw last winter. Ryujin understood your expression and rolled her eyes. "I'm not dumb, Y/N," she said.

Chaeryeong looked between the two of you with confusion. "Did something happen when we were at the amusement park?"

"Y/N saw Heeseung and Hyewon getting on the Ferris Wheel together."

"Ryujin!"

"What?" She shrugged at you. "We did see them there and it was the reason you were upset," she stated with her arms crossed, now sitting crossed legged next to you.

Chaeryeong gasped beside you and placed her hands in front of her mouth. "Do you think he's cheating on you?"

"Chaeryeong!" Ryujin hissed at the other girl. "Heeseung isn't the kind to do that," she defended him despite what she said before, "right, Y/N?" Ryujin nudged your elbow.

You opened your mouth to defend your boyfriend but no words were said. You bit your lips, Heeseung wouldn't be the kind to cheat, right? Then why were you hesitating? You wanted to agree with Ryujin and say that Heeseung would never cheat on you. So why were you doubting him?

"I'm just saying, long distance relationships never work out. Like Yeji and Soobin, they broke up like six months later," Chaeryeong shrugged innocently and leaned back on her hands as she spoke.

"But that was different, Yeji never really liked him anyways!" Ryujin countered.

"Vivi and Haseul! Everyone thought they were gonna last but they broke up the moment Vivi went home, and they were together for four years. Four years, Ryujin!" The younger girl exclaimed. "Point is, long distance relationships rarely work out."

Before Ryujin could retort, your phone lit up and all three of you looked down. It was a notification from Heeseung.

[4:01 pm] hee <3: hey sorry i was with taehyun

The three of you blinked at the message, Ryujin and Chaeryeong exchanged a look. While you just stared at the notification, refusing to tap into the chat. Did Heeseung just lie to you?

Something shifted in your relationship, you could tell. Calls with Heeseung were now cut short and text messages got short. At first, you blamed it on the upcoming exams and you told yourself that Heeseung was equally busy as you. Sometimes you were too tired to send a text because all you wanted was to sleep but when you tried to give him a call, he always brushed you off with a "I'm busy" text.

Text messages now never got past the "how was your day" before he said that he was going to sleep. Ever since that day with Ryujin and Chaeryeong, you turned a blind eye to the text message. Maybe he really was with Taehyun, you wouldn't actually know.

But that's the thing, isn't it? You would never know what really happens because you're not there with him, your mind taunted you. You shook away the thoughts and tried to be positive. Exams had ended a few days ago and Chaeryeong suggested that you should surprise him with a visit.

So here you were, on the bus to Heeseung's university. You could barely contain your smile, it's been so long since you last saw him and you just missed him so much. You could imagine how happy he would be to see you. An hour later, the bus came to a stop and you thanked the bus driver before boarding off.

Tightening your coat around you, you looked at the road ahead of you with a determined look. You were gonna surprise Heeseung today. And nothing was going to stop you from doing so. You reached the entrance of the school and sent a friendly smile to the security guards.

You made your way towards Heeseung's dorm, your feet have walked this path multiple times. You were familiar with these hallways. Soon enough you reached his door, you patted your clothes and fixed your hair before raising your fist. Your hand hovered in front of the wooden door, Heeseung was one door away from you. Knocking precisely three times on the door, you took a step back and clasped your hands behind you. You couldn't wait to see his smile when he sees you.

"Surprise!" You said, doing jazz hands the moment the door opened.

"Y/N? What are you doing here?" Heeseung asked you.

You blinked, slightly lowering your hands. Heeseung wasn't smiling at you like you thought he would be, instead he was looking down on you with furrowed eyebrows. His hair was dishevelled, like he ran his fingers through it multiple times and he wasn't opening the door fully, like he was blocking something.

"I was going to surprise you, since exams are over and all-"

"Why didn't you text me beforehand?" He cut you off.

You narrowed your eyes at him and crossed your arms, annoyed that he was questioning you instead of being happy to see you. "Because it was a surprise, Hee, that's the whole point. I wasn't supposed to tell you, surprises don't work like that."

Heeseung opened his mouth but cut himself off with a sigh, he turned his head around to look inside then back at you. "I didn't mean it that way, I just wished you would've told me before," he repeated with a softer tone this time.

You frowned and dropped your arms, you shouldn't have listened to Chaeryeong. Maybe you should leave, the next bus would be in two hours. Heeseung was still leaning against his door, you couldn't see past him. "Whatever, I'll leave then," you mumbled and waved him off, turning on your heel to walk away.

"Y/N! Wait!" Heeseung called after you but you ignored his calls and just continued forward. The taller boy caught up with you and grabbed your wrist.

You tried to shake him off but his hold on you was strong. "Let me go," you said through gritted teeth.

"No, you're mad," he said.

"Of course, I am! I wanted to surprise my boyfriend after not seeing him for weeks but he doesn't even look happy to see me!" You sneered at him, still trying to shake his hand off your wrist.

Heeseung's hands moved to hold your shoulders instead to keep you in place, forcing you to look at him. "Hey, I didn't say I wasn't happy to see you. I am happy to see you, okay? It's just that today's a busy day, love," he explained to you softly.

You stopped squirming and sighed. "Sorry, I just…I just really missed you okay," you told him. You overreacted and got mad at him without letting him explain himself. "Sorry," you said again.

Heeseung smiled warmly at you and pulled you into a hug. "It's okay, love," he planted a kiss on top of your head. You rested your chin on his shoulder and returned the hug.

Then, you watched as a certain blonde walked out of Heeseung's room. Hyewon stepped out of his room and waved at you with a smile. Was Heeseung hiding her? You slightly pushed Heeseung away and he took a step back in confusion. He turned around to see Hyewon and then back at you.

"Hyewon and I were working on a project," he quickly explained.

"Yeah," the other girl nodded in agreement. "If I had known you were coming today, I wouldn't have bothered Heeseung," she said.

"Ah, no. I'm sorry for interrupting the two of you," you apologised, slightly ducking your head. You're not sure if you meant the apology. Should you be sorry that you interrupted them? But Heeseung was your boyfriend.

"Well, I'll leave you two be," Hyewon smiled at the both of you before walking away.

You watched as Heeseung smiled at her and how his eyes followed her figure until she disappeared down the stairs. You bit your lower lip and clenched your fist together, feeling uneasy in your chest once again. Your hand reached to tug on his sleeve and he finally looked at you, like he forgot you were there in the first place.

He moved to hold your hand and lead you into his room, not before smiling softly at you. Instead of the usual feeling of butterflies in your stomach whenever he smiled at you, there was a sinking feeling. Because he smiled at Hyewon the same way. Your lips raised a small smile for him but it didn't reach your eyes. He doesn't seem to notice.

The door closed behind the two of you and you swung your arms before clasping your hands behind you. "So, what was Hyewon doing here?" You tried to ask naturally.

Heeseung wasn't looking at you when he replied, "She was here for a project," he hummed.

"What project?" You continued to ask more.

"For school," he simply replied, taking a seat on his bed.

You leaned against his desk while nodding your head. "Ah, so you're helping her?"

"Uh huh."

"Ah, didn't know you guys were this close…"

"Well, we are neighbours so it's just natural that we grew close, you know," he shrugged.

"Close enough to get on the Ferris Wheel with," you muttered under your breath. You thought Heeseung wasn't able to pick up what you said but his eyes snapped to look at you. You gulped, knowing you were caught.

"Love, I already said that we were there for the music video shooting," he told you with a tired sigh.

"I know, I know but I can't help feeling jealous, Hee," you explained yourself.

Your boyfriend sighed exasperatedly as he ran his fingers through his hair. "I already told you that we're just friends, there's nothing to be jealous of."

"Well, you would be jealous too if your boyfriend didn't mention that he was going to the amusement park with you and you found him hanging with another girl!" You scoffed sarcastically.

"I already told you it wasn't planned, Y/N. Why don't you trust me?" His voice was slightly raised when he spoke the last sentence, his expression was begging you to drop the topic.

But your stubborn self refused to let it go and stood up straighter. "Because you're making it really hard to trust you."

"What?" He looked at you in disbelief as he stood up as well. "How am I the one being hard right now? You're just being paranoid and you're letting your insecurities get the better of you!"

"Can you blame me?!" You raised your voice at him. Anger clouded your eyes as you begged him to understand your point of view. "We're so far apart and we rarely get to talk to each other and you're always brushing me off! It's almost like you're cheating on me with Hyewon!"

Heeseung groaned in frustration and dragged his fingers across his face. "How many times do I have to tell you that we're just friends, Y/N? Hyewon literally has nothing to do with this! I don't get why you hate her."

"Cause you talk to her while we're together," you knew that sounded childish and selfish but you were blurting whatever that came to mind.

"Oh, so now I'm not allowed to talk to other girls?" He curled an eyebrow at you while crossing his arms.

Your words were caught in your throat. "I didn't mean it like that-"

"Then what do you mean, Y/N? You never acted like this before," Heeseung rubbed his temples.

"Because!" You threw your hands out in frustration, trying to convey your words out, "I don't know what's happening in your life because we're not in the same school and I'm scared that you're cheating on me with Hyewon!"

Heeseung knitted his eyebrows at you, you don't know if it was from confusion or annoyance, maybe both. "Cheating? No, you just don't trust me! Never once did I doubt your relationship with Jeongin, so why are you doing this to me?"

"Don't bring Jeongin into this," you sneered at him, "you knew Jeongin since we were in high school. Hyewon is a completely different story. You…you look at her like…you're in love," your voice slowly died at the end, it was the final hit on the nail. You looked up at Heeseung, his eyes widened at your words.

They said the eyes are the window to your soul. Brown guilty eyes just stared at you, because you were right. Heeseung couldn't figure out his feelings and you just did it for him. Your boyfriend was falling out of love with you and he was falling for someone new. And you watched as he realised it right in front of you. You swore you heard your heart crack.

He held his head and took a step back from you, silence fell upon the both of you. "I-I think you should go," he managed to say.

"Yeah," you croaked out, your throat was swelling up. You walked past Heeseung in hurried steps and out the door to the stairs. You never saw how Heeseung dropped to his bed with his head in his head as guilty tears slowly rolled down his cheeks.

God, you wished he had thought this through before you went and fell in love with him.

You haven't talked to Heeseung since that day, you knew that your relationship was over but your heart refused to believe it until those words came from Heeseung himself. A dark cloud hung over you and your friends didn't dare to ask. You felt betrayed by him.

You loved him at his worst, but that didn't matter. He gave you his word, but that didn't matter too. You were bitter, angry, devastated, heartbroken. But you couldn't cry, your heart was full of tears yet nothing came out. A single piece of tape holding back your fragile heart. A small sign of hope that you were wrong and Heeseung still loved you.

In the middle of a cold winter day, you were nestled between your warm sheets. Chaeryeong and Ryujin had left for lunch, not before promising to get you something. In the midst of your dark covers, your phone screen lit up and caught your attention.

[2:23 pm ] hee <3: We need to talk, I'm outside your door right now.

What? Your head snapped up to look at your front door. There's no way he was standing outside right now. Gulping, you pushed yourself up and walked to the door. Your hand hesitated, hovering right in front of the silver door knob. You already knew what was coming. Taking a deep breath, you opened the door.

The same brown guilty eyes looked at you, and the little white lies from before all came crashing down at once. You stepped to the side to let him in and closed the door. Your back was facing him, you refused to look at him. Your hope was wavering, you don't know if you accepted it or not.

"I'm sorry," he was the first to break the silence. you still refused to turn around. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

Lies, lies, lies. You shut your eyes closed, your hand was still on the door knob, holding it tightly.

He inhaled a deep breath before saying his next words, "This is the end."

The words pierced your heart and it started to fall apart. This doesn't feel like a break up, it was the end of your story. It was him telling you that he was removing himself from your life. Falling out of love hurts, but losing a friend is the worst.

"Do you still love me?"

"What?"

"Do you still love me?" You finally turned around, your glossy eyes looking right at him.

Without a heartbeat, he said, "No."

And when you were alone again in your room, your heart finally shattered and the tears poured out like a waterfall. You fell to your knees with your hands clutching your heart, ugly sobs escaped from your lips. You were crying out the pain as big fat tears dropped onto the wooden floor,

Chaeryeong and Ryujin nearly dropped the food when they found you broken on the tear stained floor.

Two weeks later (after being forced to get out of bed by Ryujin), you found your friends huddled at the same place of the cafeteria like when the music video was released. They were surrounding Daehwii with their heads ducked, whispering to each other.

"What are you guys doing?" Ryujin's voice caught their attention and their heads lifted to see the both of you, eyes widening at the sight of you.

Everyone exchanged nervous glances whereas you and Ryujin were left confused. You tilted your head to the sign to show that you were confused while Ryujin raised an eyebrow as if demanding an explanation. Chaeryeong shoved Daehwii's shoulder and gave him a look, silently telling him to break the news.

Daehwii nervously looked between you and his phone before sighing, his shoulders dropping. Instead of saying anything, he showed you his phone. Ryujin reached over to take the device from him before you could see anything and squinted her eyes. The short haired girl inhaled a sharp breath and looked at your friends, finally understanding what was happening. She then looked at you, deciding whether she should tell you or not.

"What?" You asked her, your eyebrows furrowed as your patience was running thin. What were they not telling you?

But instead of telling you, she showed you. The phone screen displayed an Instagram post with a person holding hands with someone else. The caption was a simple "with him". At first you were confused on what it had to do with you, then Ryujin tapped on the post to show you the person tagged in the post. Heeseung's username appeared, your eyes travelled up to the owner of the post and it read Hyewon's name.

"Oh," was all you could say.

Your gaze averted down and you don't see how your friends exchange worried glances. "Y/N..." Chaeryeong softly called out to you while she walked towards you. She angled her head to look at your face with her arms around you.

Your mind was a mess, it took him two weeks to find someone new. No, not someone new. It took him two weeks to go off and date her. He talked to her when you were together. And you knew if he truly loved you, there was no damn way he could fall in love with somebody that quickly. Ryujin and Chaeryeong embraced you but you felt numb. He betrayed you. And you knew that he'll never feel sorry for the way you hurt.

"He cheated on you," you heard Jeongin say, but you shook your head as you tried to rub the tears away.

"Guess he didn't cheat but he's still a traitor," Jeongin rephrased.

The girls hugged you tighter when you let out a choked sob. Jeongin was right, he didn't cheat but he was a traitor. You played dumb but you always knew that he'd talk to her, maybe did even worse but you kept quiet so you could keep him.

God you wished that he had thought it through, before you went and fell in love with him.

a/n: this took so long to write and i wrote more than i expected. thank you for waiting and reading this, see y'all in "drivers license"!

#chaeryybomb; the sour series #enhypen #lee heeseung #enhypen imagines #enhypen x reader #lee heeseung imagines #lee heeseung x reader #heeseung #heeseung imagines #heeseung x reader #enhypen angst #lee heeseung angst #heeseung angst #kpop imagines #enhypen scenarios #lee heeseung scenarios #heeseung scenarios

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