#and now i'm a few pages in and completely hooked

[potatoesandsunshine]

your honor i’d die for her

[prythiansprincess]

azúcar.

pairing: mattheo riddle x reader.

song inspiration: baby by madison beer.

author's note: benjamin being active on tiktok is dangerous for my health. i actually feel like i'm about to crawl on the ceiling from how badly i want this man. literally tweaking. anyways, enjoy 😊

There were a lot of quidditch related superstitions you were willing to put up with. 

Wearing the same socks during every match. Kissing your boyfriend good luck before every game. Even the rowdy common room parties that you and Mattheo often snuck out of to have a celebration of your own was a tradition you welcomed with open arms. 

But this was not one of them. 

“It’s absolutely absurd,” Pansy huffed, her sleek black hair grazing her chin as she tucked her legs underneath her on the velvet couch. “Blaise has lost his mind.” 

“Sounds like you’re the one losing it, Pans.” 

Pansy rolled her eyes. “You would too if your boyfriend suddenly announced a sex ban as part of some weird quidditch superstition.” 

Since the start of the season, the quidditch team had taken a few hits. Usually, the boys dominated the other houses, but they barely won against Hufflepuff and came to a draw against Ravenclaw during the last game. Ending in a tie was apparently the last straw because the day after the match, Blaise told Pansy that the team had taken a pact of celibacy. 

For some deranged reason, the boys believed that abstaining from sex for a week would help them secure a win for the rematch on Friday. For the next five days, they intended to sleep, breathe, and eat quidditch. Apparently, your feminine wiles would have to be set aside for the meantime. As if sex were the problem and not their constant drinking and partying, which probably contributed to their lack of focus as a whole. Not that the boys would listen to common sense at this point. 

You scoffed. “Please, Mattheo wouldn’t last a day without sex let alone a whole week.”

“Don’t be so sure,” Pansy said rather bitterly, picking at the cushion in her lap. “The lot of them are taking this entirely too seriously. Blaise won’t even allow himself to be in a room alone with me.”

”Well, Zabini has a surprising amount of self-control. Mattheo, on the other hand, is perpetually horny. There’s no way that he agreed to such a ridiculous pact.”

“Lucky you,” your best friend said with a long suffering sigh.

You nudged her knee with your foot and smiled mischievously. “Don’t worry, babe. I’m more than willing to help. Blaise may be disciplined, but he’s also just a man. What do you say we pop into the village? I think I saw a lace emerald lingerie set that had your name all over it.”

Pansy perked up at that. “I knew I came to the right person.”

Your best friend smiled as you hooked your arm through her elbow. “Of course you did. Now come on, let’s bring Zabini to his knees.” 

Sprawled out on Mattheo’s bed, you flicked through the pages of your novel and waited for your boyfriend to return from practice. The trip to Hogsmeade had been a complete success. Just as you suspected, the little set you glimpsed through the lingerie store window looked absolutely stunning on Pansy. Blaise didn’t stand a chance. 

As a matter of fact, you’d given the two of them privacy tonight. They were due for a study session at your shared dorm tonight, but you quietly slipped out in the midst of their heated argument about the Goblin Rebellion and happily skipped off to your boyfriend’s room. 

Given the late hour, Mattheo was due back any second now. As if summoning him from your thoughts alone, your boyfriend sauntered into the room, looking sweaty and sexy from running though drills all afternoon. Mattheo grinned the second he spotted you on his bed. 

“Hi, princesa,” he greeted, his voice low and husky. 

”Hi, Matty.” You propped yourself up on your elbows and smiled. “How was practice?” 

“Absolutely fucking brutal,” Mattheo grunted as he pulled off his shoes. “Theo clobbered the fuck out of me, but I suppose it’s better him than the Ravenclaws. Mark my words, we’re going to beat those twats come Friday.” 

“I don’t doubt it, babe.” You pushed off the mattress and scooted closer to him. 

Mattheo licked his lips as you neared, breath hitching as you brushed his damp curls off of his forehead. You smirked and leaned in for a kiss. At the last second, Mattheo turned sharply, causing the kiss to land on his cheek instead of his lips. 

“I’m all sweaty,” he explained. You quirked a brow. Sweat, dirt, and grime had never stopped the two of you before, but you brushed it off. He was probably just wound up about winning. Mattheo smiled apologetically and kissed your temple. “Let me shower first and then we can cuddle, okay?’ 

You made the mistake of looking into those big, brown eyes. Damn him and his chocolate eyed gaze. The twat knew it was your weakness. 

“Fine,” you said as you crawled underneath the covers. “But hurry up, I’m getting tired.” 

Ten minutes later, you were fully engrossed in your book again. Just as it reached a particularly steamy scene, the door swung open, revealing a half-naked Mattheo. The white towel wrapped precariously around his trim waist gave you a perfect view of his toned chest and ripped abs, beads of water clinging onto his glistening skin like rain drops. You bit your lip as he tugged on a clean pair of boxers over his legs, cocking your head to appreciate the curve of his arse before he slipped into his sweatpants. 

Unaware of your ogling, Mattheo climbed into bed and wrapped his arms around you. “What are you reading, mi amor?” 

“Nothing that can’t wait,” you murmured, leaning in to kiss your boyfriend.

This time, Mattheo gladly accepted the kiss. His lips slanted over yours, sighing softly as you melted into him. Your kisses were soft and sweet, punctuated by cute little pecks that had your boyfriend smiling against your mouth. You took the opportunity to slide your tongue against his, making Mattheo groan as his fingers slipped through your hair. 

“Damn, mami. You missed me that much?” 

You rolled your eyes at his cocky smirk while you climbed into his lap and straddled him. Mattheo gripped your hips, moaning as your lips latched onto his neck. His pretty brown eyes rolled back as you left a trail of kisses along the column of his throat. You raked your nails along his chest, dragging red lines down to his abs, and tracing his happy trail as he captured your lips once more. Mattheo let out a choked groan as you tugged at his waistband. To your surprise, he grabbed your wrist and blinked up at you. 

“Y/N…” Mattheo said breathlessly. “Maybe we should…maybe we should go to sleep.” His Adam's apple bobbed up and down as he tried and failed to swallow his own words. 

You raised a brow and settled over his lap, squirming against his hard length as Mattheo bit his lip. “You want to go to sleep? Right now? While I’m on top of you and willing to do whatever you want?” 

Your boyfriend looked pained. Conflict was evident on his face. Without a word, Mattheo nodded. 

“Oh my god,” you blurted in disbelief. “You agreed to that stupid sex ban, didn’t you?”

Mattheo groaned. “Only for a week, love. We really need to win this match.” 

You scoffed. This was absolutely ridiculous. “I know you, Mattheo. You aren’t going to last a week.” 

“Hey! Have a little faith in me.” 

Rolling off of him, you crossed your arms against your chest. “First of all, you didn’t even ask me if I’d be okay with it.” 

That seemed to be the wrong thing to say. With a shit-eating grin, Mattheo cocked his head at you. “It sounds to me like you’re the one who can’t last a week, princesa.” 

“Please,” you said with an eye roll. “I have my book boyfriends to keep me company. I can channel all my sexual energy into reading smut. You, on the other hand? You can’t even make it through class without dragging me into a broom closet.” 

Faster than you thought possible, Mattheo flipped you onto your back and pinned you to the mattress. A cocky smirk curved against his lips as he trailed them down your neck. “Oh?” he hummed, kissing the sweet spot just below your ear, his hand gripping the inside of your thigh, making you press your legs together to suppress the need. The bloody bastard. “But can your book boyfriends touch you like I can?” 

Channeling every ounce of self-control within you, a calm and unbothered expression clicked into place like a mask. You tugged at his curls, forcing him away from your neck. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about me, Matty. I’ll be just fine.” Mattheo released a choked groan when you palmed the front of his boxers. He twitched at your touch, his cock painfully hard. “Looks like you’re not doing too hot, though. Let me know if you need help. You know I’d be more than happy to give you relief, baby.” 

Mattheo cursed under his breath as his own plan backfired on him. Blood rushed down to his cock as you squeezed gently, making him harder and hornier than ever. You chuckled darkly as he grinded against your hand. With one last squeeze, you kissed his cheek and peeled yourself away from his bed. 

“You know where to find me, papi.”

He watched in disbelief as you gathered your things, cute little ass swaying farther and farther away from him as you hauled your bag over your shoulder. “You’re seriously leaving?” 

You smirked and waved at your boyfriend as you pulled the door open. “I have a hot date with my romance novel. Good luck with your pact, babe. You’ll need it.” 

Merlin, Mattheo was going out of his fucking mind. 

For Salazar’s sake, he was starting to get the shakes and it had only been two days since he last had sex. Granted, it felt like an eternity since you were more than determined to get your boyfriend to break. Could lack of sex actually drive a person to the brink of insanity? Mattheo was pretty convinced that the answer was yes as he gaped at the lacy red bra peeking out under your white blouse. 

Had your clothes shrunk in the wash? Mattheo could’ve sworn that your shirt hadn’t been that tight before. You were nearly bursting out of it and the view of your tits pressed together as you leaned across the table to steal a blueberry off of his plate made his mouth water and his dick hard. 

“Stay strong, Riddle,” Theo whispered beside him. “We’ve got this.” 

Never in his life had he wanted to throttle Theo more. The only thing Mattheo had at the moment was a painful fucking boner. Three more days. That’s all he had to endure before they called off this stupid sex pact. 

He could make it. Couldn’t he?

As he looked up at you sucking on a strawberry, Mattheo’s confident wavered. You were truly testing what very little self control that he possessed. You were right when you said that your boyfriend couldn’t last a single class without dragging you into an empty broom closet. You were just so pretty and sexy and hot and that was when you weren’t trying. 

Now that you were determined to tease the fuck out of him, Mattheo didn’t stand a chance. 

All day, you focused on making his life an absolute living hell. Perching on his lap, fixing his tie, smiling prettily while you brushed his curls back and left glossy kiss prints all over his cheeks. His hands were in permanent fists, fingernails digging into the flesh of his palm so deeply that he wouldn’t be surprised to find himself bleeding. This was torture. Cruel and unusual punishment. 

The final straw came when the two of you were studying in the library later that night. Bouncing his leg, Mattheo forced himself to pay attention to the Ancient Runes textbook in front of him instead of ogling you from across the table. It wasn’t working though. Every few minutes, he caught himself glancing up at you. Your lips, your eyes, your hair. There was nothing sexual about you taking notes yet he was so turned on that he felt dizzy. 

Mattheo lowered his head, trying to keep cool. When he looked back up, you were no longer in your seat. Instead, you were reaching for a book on the shelves behind you. Whatever you were looking for was on the lowest shelves, so you bent down to retrieve it. When you did, your skirt rode up, revealing that you weren’t wearing any underwear. Mattheo hissed, scrambling to pull your skirt down. 

”What in Salazar’s name are you doing, Y/N?” Your boyfriend gripped your elbow, anger and frustration radiating off of him in waves. 

You blinked up at him, putting on an innocent smile. “Oh!” you exclaimed, placing a hand on Mattheo’s chest. “Did I forget to wear underwear? Silly me.” 

Your boyfriend groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. He muttered something under his breath repeatedly. Breathing exercises. You bit back a smirk. 

On his third count to ten, Mattheo finally opened his eyes. Without a word, he gathered your belongings and hauled you out of the library. He didn’t speak until the two of you were back in the dungeons. 

“I’m going to study in my room,” Mattheo declared as he handed you your book bag. “You’ll study in yours.” 

You grinned. “Oh, Matty. We both know the only thing you’ll be studying is your cock in your hand.” Mattheo tensed as you traced a finger down his jawline. “What a shame. I’d be more than willing to put an end to your misery if you just admit that the pact is stupid.” 

For Salazar’s fucking sake. Mattheo was so close to calling this whole thing off. He wanted you. Screaming underneath him. Crying from pleasure. Moaning his name. But he couldn’t. He had to stay strong. 

Mattheo sighed and kissed your temple. “Good night, mi amor. I love you. Even though you’re determined to drive me fucking mental.” 

You smiled before pulling him in by his tie. Mattheo groaned as you placed a sweet kiss on his lips, barely giving him a taste of what he wanted. “Love you too, Matty. Sleep tight. I hope you dream of me tonight.” 

With that, he watched you saunter off in the direction of your dorm, skipping through the common room without a care in the world. Mattheo stared up at the ceiling and counted to ten again. 

Friday could not come any fucking faster. 

You had to admit that you were impressed. Your boyfriend had miraculously survived an entire week without sex. 

Despite your best efforts to thwart the stupid pact, Mattheo stayed true to his word. A pretty impressive feat given the fact that you’d practically thrown everything you had into seducing him. Sitting on his lap, licking your lips while he talked, kissing that sweet spot below his jaw, wearing your clothes shorter and tighter than ever, and even sleeping in his favorite silk red set, which you knew was particularly hard for him if the erection pressed against your back all night was any indication. 

Still, Mattheo withstood all of your attempts. 

You would’ve been upset had it not been for the fact that Mattheo looked absolutely pained by the whole ordeal. This entire week, his fists were permanently clenched at his side, his jaw locking and unlocking with every suggestive comment you threw his way, his eyes flickering over your body, groaning in frustration as he tortured himself by looking at what he couldn’t have. 

It was amusing to watch your boyfriend twitch at your every move. As you predicted, you fared better than Mattheo had. After all, you had a wild imagination and a collection of toys to hold you over. That wasn’t to say that you weren’t needy and aching for him, but you had ways of coping. 

“I’m so fucking glad it’s Friday,” Pansy grumbled beside you as she took a swig from her flask. 

After the whole bring Zabini to his knees plan failed, she’d been crankier than ever. Neither one of you expected either of your boyfriends to even make it this far without caving at least once. 

“Me too, babe. As much as I’m rooting for our boys, I can’t wait for this bloody game to be over. Win or lose, I know the sex is going to be insane.” 

Your best friend smirked as she handed you the firewhisky. “I’ll cheers to that, babe.” 

Surprisingly, the tension and frustration helped the boys play better than ever. They were ruthless on the field. Theo and Enzo were vicious as they defended the goalposts, giving way for Blaise and Mattheo to chase after the opposing beaters, nearly taking some poor bloke’s head off with a bludger. You almost felt bad for the Ravenclaws. 

When Draco caught the snitch, you cheered loudly. You and Pansy screamed until your throat felt raw and hoarse by the time the game was officially called. The two of you swayed as you descended from the stands, slightly inebriated from your generous swigs, but you didn’t mind. The liquor kept you warm and served as preparation for a night of drinking and debauchery for the common room party. 

Blaise wasn’t at all surprised that you and Pansy pregamed. In fact, he took the flask and downed the rest before tugging his girlfriend towards the castle. 

“Have fun, you crazy kids!”

Zabini chuckled. “Oh, we will. By the way, your boyfriend’s waiting for you in the locker room.” 

With a conspiratorial wink, Blaise wished you good luck as Pansy grinned from ear to ear. You chuckled before making your way over to the locker room. The doors opened, revealing a very smug looking Theo. With a frown, you swatted the back of his head. 

“Ow!” The brunette exclaimed, rubbing his newly acquired injury. “What was that for?” 

“For encouraging my boyfriend to agree to this stupid sex ban.” You crossed your arms and glared at your friend. “I know it was your idea, Theodore.” 

“Hey! We won the game, didn’t we? So obviously, my idea was brilliant.” 

“It was just dumb luck,” you replied with a scoff. “Honestly, I didn’t think you guys would take it so seriously. Especially you. You’re even worse than Mattheo. Celibacy for a week must’ve been hell, huh?” 

Theo shifted his weight, looking abashed. You narrowed your eyes at him as you read the guilt in his body language. “You little weasel! You caved, didn’t you?” 

“There was this really hot Ravenclaw…” 

“With the opposing team, too? You’re shameless, Nott.” 

“Please don’t tell the guys.” He looked genuinely contrite as he pleaded with his eyes. “They’ll murder me if they knew that I couldn’t even stick to my own pact.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Fine, but you owe me big time.” 

Theo smiled before leaning over to kiss your cheek. “You’re the best. I’d say see you at the party, but with how tense and insane your boyfriend has been, I probably won’t see you two for the next few days.” 

“I wonder who’s fault that is.” 

“The pact was my idea. Teasing him was yours. Honestly, he almost stabbed a fork through my hand because you bent over in front of him.” He smirked as he held the door open. “You’ve got that man on a tight leash.” 

You fought a smile. “Leave before I get the urge to hit you again.” Theo nodded, making his way out. “Oh, and congratulations on the win.” 

After a cheeky wink, Theo was gone. Leaving you to find your boyfriend on your own. When you rounded the corner, you could hear the sound of water running echoing off the tiled walls. You ventured farther in the stalls and found Mattheo standing underneath the scalding hot shower, tipping his head back against the spray. With a smile, you leaned against the wall and admired your boyfriend. Merlin, he really was beautiful. 

Mattheo was a sight to behold; biceps flexing, abs taut, and back muscles tense as he washed away the sweat and grime. Your gaze trailed down to his trim waist, licking your lips as your eyes snagged on his backside. The longing sigh you released gave you away. 

Water glistened on his skin as Mattheo looked over his shoulder, a playful smirk tugging at his lips as he surveyed you. Your boyfriend didn’t bother covering himself as he sauntered over to you. His chocolate brown eyes roamed over your body, smiling softly when he saw that you were wearing one of his jerseys. Mattheo traced over his surname embroidered right above your heart. 

“The Riddle name looks good on you, mi amor,” he whispered huskily, backing you against the tile. “I can’t wait to make it official one day.” 

You hummed while you tangled a wet curl between your fingers. “Oh? That won’t be happening any time soon, Matty.” Mattheo frowned as you caressed his cheek. “Not with the way you’ve neglected me this week.” 

“Don’t be like that. You know it was hell for me, princesa.” 

“I know,” you said with a grin. “I’m just teasing you. In reality, I’m kind of impressed. You didn’t cave once even when I threw everything I had at you. You were so good, baby. You crushed those Ravenclaws too.” Mattheo groaned as you kissed his jaw, nipping at his sweet spot. “Maybe the pact wasn’t so stupid after all.” 

Your boyfriend groaned as he gripped your hips and pinned you against the wall. “Oh, I won’t be doing that shit again.” Mattheo rested his hand on the base of your throat, eyes black and filled with lust as he squeezed. “It was torture not to touch you.” 

When you spoke, your voice sounded husky and seductive thanks to his possessive hold. “Could’ve fooled me. You seemed perfectly in control. So much so that maybe we should extend it another week. Abstinence really helps clear the mind, doesn’t it, baby?” 

Mattheo chuckled darkly. He knew you were baiting him. You weren’t used to not getting what you wanted in your relationship. Your boyfriend was well aware that he spoiled you rotten. You were going to make him work for it tonight, but he didn’t mind. In fact, the idea thrilled him. He wouldn’t have been dating you if he wasn’t up to the challenge. 

Without warning, Mattheo tugged you into the shower, making you squeal as the water soaked your clothes. He wasted no time before crashing his lips onto yours, claiming you in a starved and possessive way that had you gasping for breath. Your boyfriend was frantic as he hoisted you up and wrapped your legs around his waist. 

Mattheo sucked harshly at your flesh, his dark chuckle a seductive caress against your skin. You groaned as he grinded his cock against your clothed pussy, which was already throbbing and aching for him. “Brace yourself, sweetheart. We have a whole week to make up for and we’re not leaving here until you’re properly punished for teasing me like the little brat that you are.” 

You flashed him a saccharine smile. “Do your worst, baby.” 

“You’ll regret that, mami.” 

With a wicked grin, Mattheo slid your panties to the side and teased along your folds. He hissed when he felt how soaked you were, practically dripping down his fingers as he eased one into your pussy. You bit down on your lip as the delicious pressure awakened a familiar heat in your core. 

“Not so brave now, are you?” Your boyfriend taunted as he slowly fingered you. After going without, you were embarrassed to find that a simple touch was enough to set your teeth on edge. “This is payback, baby. Wearing those tiny little shirts with your lace bra peeking out. Bending over in front of me knowing that you had no panties on. Grinding on my lap and making me so fucking hard that I almost sprained my wrist wanking off in the restroom like a madman.” 

“I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not.” You rasped, groaning as Mattheo picked up the pace. “Not if this is what I get in return. I like when you’re rough, Matty. It makes me wet.” 

Your head lolled back as he added another finger, curving them inside of you and reaching that spongy spot that had you seeing stars. 

“Good,” Mattheo whispered as he nibbled at your earlobe. “Because I’m about to fuck you until you can’t walk.” 

The filthy words sent you over the edge. Mattheo flicked his thumb over your swollen clit and you clenched around his fingers. “I can feel you squeezing me, pretty girl. So fucking greedy, hm?” 

You let out a choked moan. Mattheo grabbed your wrist and slid your hand down his front. “Do you feel that, princesa? I’ve been hard as fuck for you all week. Are you gonna be a good girl and help me out?” 

“Yes,” you breathed out. “Let me take care of you, papi.” 

Mattheo twitched in your hand as you gripped him, tugging as he watched you with lust blown eyes. The intensity of his stare made butterflies erupt in your stomach. 

“I thought about this while getting myself off this week. Your hands. Your eyes. Your voice.” 

“I thought about you, too,” you confessed. “But it doesn’t compare to the real thing. God, you’re fucking sexy.” You rubbed your thumb over his tip, rubbing his precum over his head. Mattheo whimpered against your neck. “I missed you whimpering for me.” 

“I don’t whimper,” Mattheo countered. 

You raised a brow and picked up the pace, working him until his eyes rolled back. Despite his denial, Mattheo whimpered even louder this time. 

“You’re playing dirty, baby.” 

“I thought you liked it dirty, Matty.” 

“I do,” he said with a smirk before curving his long fingers inside of you. You shuddered as he hit that sweet spot. “Now come on, pretty girl. Come with me.” 

You nodded, picking up the pace and groaning as Mattheo pulled you in for a sloppy kiss. He licked the roof of your mouth, shuddering as he bucked into your hand. You tugged at him, coaxing him to cum as he panted against your neck. 

“Fuck. Don’t stop, baby. I’m so fucking close.” 

“Me too, Matty,” you whimpered, grinding against his fingers to take more. 

The orgasm crackled over you like a lightning strike, singing your veins with heat as your boyfriend continued to fuck you with his fingers. Mattheo wasn’t satisfied with one orgasm. He coaxed another out of you, laughing as you greedily bucked against his hand, biting into his shoulder while the second wave hit. 

By the time your third orgasm rolled around, you genuinely felt as though you’d left your own body. Mattheo only relented when your eyes rolled back and your legs trembled, cries of his name falling sweetly from your lips. 

“Tú eres dulce como el azúcar.”

You opened your eyes slowly and found Mattheo lapping up your cum, swirling and sucking his fingers clean with a smirk. You’re sweet like sugar. Though the words were seemingly innocent, Mattheo was anything but. Your boyfriend knew exactly how much it turned you on when he spoke Spanish and he was definitely using it to his advantage.

“That was just the appetizer, baby. Got you all warmed up for my cock. Think you can take it, Y/N?” 

“I’ve been waiting all week,” you responded hoarsely. 

“It’s worth the wait,” Mattheo declared cockily as he flipped you over. He stripped you of your clothes, carelessly tossing them behind his shoulder while he positioned your hands on the tiled wall. You groaned as he bent you at an angle, smacking your ass before he lined up behind you. “I promise to fucking ruin you, mi pinche puta.” 

Anticipation coiled in your stomach as Mattheo sank in slowly. Both of you groaned as he slid all the way in, twitching as he stuffed you full. It was familiar yet new at the same time. It had always been a tight fit, but given your involuntary break, you could feel yourself struggling to adjust to his size once again. 

Mattheo gripped your hips, leaving bruises in his wake as he slid all the way out. You whined at the loss, but it wasn’t long before he thrusted all the way back in, knocking the air out of your lungs as he set a punishing pace. You braced yourself against the tile as he spread your legs further apart, allowing him to hit an even deeper angle. 

“Oh fuck, how do you always feel so good?” Mattheo grunted as his hips snapped against your ass, brutally burying himself inside of your pussy over and over again. “You were made for me, princesa. We’re perfect together.”

”Matty, baby, please…”

You keened as Mattheo tugged you by the hair, kissing you sloppily as he continued to ruin you. He cupped your tits, flicking his thumb over your nipples as he squeezed your flesh between his rough, calloused hands. Mattheo kneaded your breasts and used the momentum to drive deeper. His palm trailed down your torso, pressing against your stomach to feel himself moving with each thrust. 

Tears streaked your cheeks as your eyes rolled back. “Oh gods. Fuck me. Right there, baby. You fill me up so good. I love being full of you.” 

“Yeah?” Mattheo drawled as his hand crawled up your throat. “You like when I fuck you rough? Deep down, you just want to be treated like a slut. Don’t you, princess?” 

“I do,” you breathed, groaning as Mattheo squeezed your neck. “But I’m only a slut for you, Mattheo.” 

“Damn fucking right, baby.” He said proudly. “This pussy is mine. All fucking mine.” 

You clenched, squeezing him so tightly that Mattheo felt like he might cum then and there. “So greedy. Milking me fucking dry. God, you’re perfect. Mi princesa, mi vida, mi amor.” Your boyfriend shuddered as you grinded against him, picking up the momentum as the two of you neared euphoria. “That’s it, baby. Just like that. Fuck, I’m gonna cum—“

”Cum inside me, Matty. I want to feel you. I want all of it.” 

Mattheo cursed, his body seizing as he came with a loud cry. The sensation of him filling you to the brim, his hot cum dripping out of you and coating the inside of your thighs was enough to send you over the edge. You trembled as the orgasm hit you all at once and nearly passed out from the sheer force of it. 

Fortunately, strong arms wrapped around you before your legs could give out from underneath you. Mattheo pulled you against him, holding your trembling body as you came down from the high. You leaned into him, resting your head on his shoulder as he cleaned you up. Your boyfriend took his time washing your body, taking great care when it came to your sensitive core. 

You smiled up at him as he lathered shampoo into your hair, letting you return the favor and sighing in satisfaction as you scratched his scalp. Mattheo grinned, flashing you a lovesick smile as you rinsed the product out of his hair. 

“I love you so fucking much,” he whispered softly. 

“I love you more,” you countered.

”Impossible.” 

After the two of you dried off, you leaned against the wall and allowed Mattheo to clothe you in his hoodie and sweats. He tied your shoes before giving you a sweet peck. 

“Ready, princesa?” 

You nodded and took his hand. Without the support of the solid wall, your legs wobbled as you struggled to walk. Mattheo caught you around the waist, a smirk tugging at his handsome face. 

“I warned you, Y/N.” He looked entirely too smug and satisfied for your liking. “Told you I’d fuck you until you couldn’t walk.” 

Your boyfriend chuckled as you rolled your eyes. “Poor baby. Don’t worry, mi amor. Let your Matty take care of you, hm?” 

“I take it back. I kind of hate you right now, Mattheo.” 

You squealed as he picked you up bridal style. He didn’t even break a sweat as he carried you across the field. “No, you don’t. But you can fuck me like you do.” 

“Deal.”

[avatar-anna]

i saw this trend on tiktok where girlfriends flash their boyfriends to win an argument, and i thought that was genius, so...yeah! that's what this is. enjoyxx

"Baby, we've talked about this."

"I know, but I just think if you listened—"

"I have listened, and I just don't think now is the time to do this."

You rolled your eyes at your boyfriend, annoyed by both his tone and his words. "It'll never be the right time. You just don't want to commit to this relationship."

"Seriously? That's where we're going with this?" Harry asked, finally looking away from where he was chopping vegetables for dinner. "I say it's not the right time to get a dog and you think it's because I'm not committed? Really, Y/n."

He looked down pointedly at himself. Harry stood in the kitchen in an apron that said, Kiss the Cook! You got it for him as a gag gift on his birthday last year since he was always in the kitchen, but he ended up loving it. Naturally, he also demanded you kissed the cook whenever you helped him out with cooking.

You knew what he was trying to say without voicing it, that was committed to you no matter which way you tried to spin it to win the argument. And you knew that, you were just a little annoyed that you and Harry couldn't get on the same page like you normally were.

You and Harry continued to bicker back and forth about the pros and cons of getting a dog together. Harry insisted he wasn't against it, just not now, but you'd done too much research and you knew now was the time, or you would never get around to it.

"You always do this," you said.

"Do what?"

"Try and table a conversation only to never come back to it. Just have a backbone and say you don't want a dog instead of hiding and avoiding it."

Rolling his eyes Harry ran a tired hand over his face. "You know what? Fine, you're right. I don't want a dog."

"But why?"

"Y/n, we travel all the time. We can't train a puppy when we're—"

Harry paused, his eyes finally opening after removing his hand from his face, his eyes settled on you, a mix of emotions quickly running across his face.

"When we're what?" you asked innocently, trying not to smile.

Still not answering, your boyfriend opened and closed his mouth as if his brain was short-circuiting. "You—You just—That's cheating."

"What do you mean?" you said, no longer trying to hide your smirk as Harry stepped closer to you, his eyes not meeting yours at all. They were focused solely on your chest, where you'd conveniently lifted your shirt to expose your breasts.

Coming out of his stupor but still not meeting your gaze, he said, "You don't get to—to use your tits against me!"

"Why, is it working?"

Harry shook his head in utter disbelief, his eyes almost completely glazed over. Whether he liked it or not, you won this round.

"Yes—No—I mean...What were we arguing about again?"

Chuckling softly, you cupped his cheek with your hand. "We were deciding on whether or not we should get a dog."

"Oh. Right. Whatever you want, baby."

"Really?"

You thought this would soften your boyfriend, push him in the right direction, but you didn't think he'd cave so quickly. Harry was already leading you toward the stairs, clearly ready to leave the argument behind.

"Course. Come convince me some more upstairs."

*.*

"Seriously? You're still on that stupid thing?"

Harry barely glanced your way before looking back at the TV, his thumbs moving furiously over his game controller. He mumbled his greeting, too engrossed in his game to acknowledge your presence.

Your boyfriend wasn't typically the video game type, only ever using his gaming console occasionally. That was until a few weeks ago when one of his friends got him hooked on some new game and now he played it nonstop. You didn't really care if Harry played video games, but this had become a fixation. It had been ages since you and him went to bed together at the same time, or gone on a date,, or had sex.

You'd been thoroughly replaced by some game.

"H, have you even gotten up from the couch since I left?"

The response Harry gave you was abysmal, only sparking your irritation more. You'd left him in that exact position hours ago to run errands, and he was still there. You doubt he'd so much as gotten up to eat since you'd been gone.

"Are you even listening to me?"

"That sounds great, baby," Harry said, his eyes still glued to his game.

You narrowed your eyes at your boyfriend. "I will not be second to a video game," you muttered before inching closer to the TV. With a sigh, you reached for the bottom of your shirt and lifted it up, taking the bralette you wore with you.

Harry didn't notice at first, which was really going to piss you off, but his eyes snagged on your naked chest as he switched positions on the couch. His whole body stilled as he took you in, his rapidly moving thumbs coming to a halt on his controller.

"Are you done playing now?" you asked, your brows raising expectantly.

Not looking at his game once, Harry tossed the controller on the couch and stood up. As if in a trance, he walked toward you. As he got closer, you could hear shouts of protests from his friends coming from the headset still on his head. He took that off too, then lifted you up without warning. You quickly wrapped your legs around his waist as he led you to your bedroom. And when he laid you down on the bed, you grinned, satisfied that your boyfriend was still wrapped around your finger.

[red-riot-unbreakable-heart]

Shoto's First Kiss Update | Chapter 8 Snippet

A lil update for my lovely readers as we officially enter the holiday season!

Chapter 8 of Shoto's First Kiss is almost ready, y'all! Appreciate the patience :) I'm trying to work through some tough dialogue scenes and make everything flow well.

At my latest estimate, this chapter will be at least 30 pages when I finally post!!!

I have off this week for the holidays so I will be working through editing and trying to get this posted as soon as possible (and as soon as I feel it's truly ready for the world!).

ALSO!! The smut scene is really hot - I think you'll all be pleased :) I'm going to post a snippet of it below the cut to get you excited for the next chapter. I think you'll be able to get a good idea of where the next chapter will take us smut-wise 😉

Thirsting for some Shoto smut right away? I posted this new one shot last week:

Frisky Movie Date | Shoto x Reader

This also exists:

Shoto Discovers He Has a Daddy Kink

And, as per usual, here's the chapters of Shoto's First Kiss that are available so far:

Part 1: Shoto Todoroki x Reader | First Kiss ❄️🔥💋

Part 2: Shoto Todoroki x Reader | First Kiss ❄️🔥💋 PART 2

Part 3: Shoto Todoroki x Reader | First Kiss ❄️🔥💋 PART 3

Part 4: Shoto Todoroki x Reader | First Kiss ❄️🔥💋 PART 4

Part 5: Shoto Todoroki x Reader | First Kiss ❄️🔥💋 PART 5

Part 6: Shoto Todoroki x Reader | First Kiss ❄️🔥💋 PART 6

Part 7: Shoto Todoroki x Reader | First Kiss ❄️🔥💋 PART 7

Bonus! I'm posting a snippet from the next chapter to hold you all over until the next post.

🚨Spoiler Alert🚨 Contains drafted content from Shoto's First Kiss Chapter 8!!! If you want to wait for the full chapter to be released, don't read any further. This is a draft so obviously it's subject to change :)

“You like watching me bench press?” You say cheekily, recalling a moment a few months ago when you had made awkward eye contact with Shoto at the gym. At the time, you’d thought it was just a coincidence – your eyes had accidentally met while you were completing some reps on the bench and he was doing pull ups nearby. But now that he had divulged his attraction to your lifting…

“Yes.” He buries his face in your neck, radiating heat. “The look in your eyes when you bench. Fuck.”

“How hard are you right now, Shoto?” You groan, rolling your ass against him. He makes a noise in the back of his throat in answer to your question. “Yeah that’s what I thought. Unzip your pants – I want to give you a handy.” You start to pull away from him so you can turn around, but he holds you fast in his arms.

“No.” He says soundly, surprising you. You’re certain that most men aren’t quick to turn down a hand job. “I appreciate the offer, but there’s something else I want to do right now. If you’re up for it.”

“Oh yeah?” This whole situation is unexpected – hooking up in a closet during a secret party? Yeah, definitely not on your UA bucket list. You tilt your head so you can look at him more clearly. His eyes are stormy, his hair mussed up just so. He looks so devastatingly hot and needy, you practically cum on the spot.

“I’ve been wondering…” He says quietly, running a finger back and forth on your lower stomach, causing your pussy to quiver in your panties. “What would it feel like to touch you…more intimately?”

“More intimately?” You squeak, and you feel his fingers slide under the elastic waistband of your skirt, tracing gently across the delicate skin of your waist. You feel your pulse quicken as you realize what he’s getting at.

He kisses up your neck and you feel his breath in your ear – hot and wet. He traces his fingers across the waistband of your panties now, moving his fingertips in a slow, circular motion. You’re so wet you can barely stand it. It’s not a stretch for your brain and body to imagine how that motion would feel on your bare pussy.

“Ever since you gave me a hand job for the first time…well, I’ve been wanting to return the favor.” Shoto says softly, and your brain feels like its full of static.

Is he saying what you think he’s saying? He wants to finger you and get you off?!

----------------------------------

And that's all for now, folks! See you soon for the official chapter post!

XOXO,

Red Riot Unbreakable Heart ❤️

[demonslayerunhinged]

Uhm...hello...oh my god, okay, this is my first time doing this so I probably should apologize in advance for I just know this is going to be a big yap session (there'll definitely be a question, trust).

I'm rather new to the KnY fandom so I haven't really completed the manga yet (as in, analyzed it) although I've gotten all the Spoilers I could get. I've read the light novels to an extent, too)

Sanemi really became my favourite character although it was a connection I couldn't really explain or express since he unfortunately remains one of the most hated characters in DS, and yes I began shipping Giyuu x Sanemi even though many people seem to think that's weird and came out of the blue.

A Pinterest pin with a link to your page; a post where you had a theory that Sanemi had some form of anxiety...and boy am I grateful to the person who made that post, I've been hooked to your blog ever since.

So, uhm, first of all let me just say that I love all your writings. They're convincing, elaborate, and the amount of research you've put into them is mind blowing! The Obanai analysis, the fandom discourse, to name a few, are some of my favourites. I've only read a few, so you might've already made a post answering a question similar to this, but uh...lemme ignore that. Okay, that's enough...onto the questions.

I wanted to ask you about Giyuu and Sanemi's relationship. One thing critics love to say is that their relationship would be "toxic." (That Giyuu's uncommunicative ways will be irritating and unbearable for Sanemi and since he's shown to be rather impatient, he'd lash out and Giyuu will only become even more quiet.) I genuinely want to know what you'd have to say about this. I can already tell you're an unapologetic GiyuuSane shipper, so I wanna know, as I don't know much about their relationship myself, but found that I adored the ship so much it became too much to bear.

Another thing is about Demon Slayer itself. I'm almost very sure that you are aware of how many people criticize the show. I've fallen in love with KnY and I genuinely want to understand why it's hated so much. So far I've been hearing that KnY is badly, poorly written; it has one-dimensional/ one-sided characters, sucks at world-building, is inconsistent, overrated, mid, cliché, unoriginal and what not. I've seen somebody make a freaking hour-long YouTube video on why DS is that bad. (I'm unsure if you've seen it, though.) Some people say there's way too much plot armour and the villains got nerfed, that Douma vs Shinobu fight was just the author rushing things; apparently the ending was rushed too. Its pacing was "horrible" the backstory dumping and the endless monologue is annoying to them, and "the only personality the characters ever have is their backstory." Someone even commented "the characters are basically caricatures with catchphrases."

I've heard that Obanai's character is boring, inconsistent and lacked development (that his character can literally be summed to "I hate all women except Mitsuri"), that Zenitsu is annoying, terribly written and is wasted potential, that Kanao is a typical Y/N character and that the Kamado siblings are nothing special, and are extremely generic and boring (especially Nezuko, she seemingly has zero personality.) Idk much, but there are some posts on Pinterest saying that all the canon ships except the Uzuis have poor writing. Even Giyuu seems to be a "Wattpad mafia lord who acts like he's carrying too much pain." Basically they're saying the characters are one-sided, lacking in development, mid, the villains are auraless, the anime is cliché and has nothing unique to it, and the only thing that carries KnY is Ufotable's animation.

Now the reason I'm writing to you is because I really, really want to know what your opinion on this is. I mostly think perspectives differ based on how people define "good" or "bad" writing, everyone has varied views; however as much as I want to defend an anime I've surprisingly grown embarrassingly attached too, I think you're better qualified. It hurts when people attack something that's close to your heart, even if it is just a bunch of pixels. I'm probably stupid to get affected by mere criticisms of a damn ANIME this much, but unfortunately this doesn't seem like something I can control. I am a deranged, cowardly escapist so I didn't even watch the criticisms properly but got the gist of it.

Uhm...yeah, I'm very sorry if I sound demanding, you can take your time, it doesn't matter how long it takes to reply (it's okay if you don't even want to reply, needed to get this off my chest to someone somehow), please don't stress yourself out, I've seen all the amazing titles you're preparing for, wish you luck.

(Okay I'll stop now. Sorry.)

Hey Anon,

I hope you're doing well.

Not gonna lie your ask made me tear up a bit especially towards the end of it because I get you, I get you so, so fucking much. Being a Demon Slayer fan, specifically an English-speaking Demon Slayer fan, is tough. It's like everywhere you look, all you see is negativity towards the series. At some point, you start to feel like you're the only one, you start to doubt yourself and feel, just as you described, crazy and deranged for getting so emotionally attached to such a'mid' anime series.

But lemme tell you this. Fuck those guys. Never be embarrassed for getting emotionally attached to a piece of media, that's what makes you human, it means that you have the time to critically assess and think about what you watch instead of just consuming it mindlessly. Creators LOVE people like you, and I'm absolutely sure that Gotogue-sensei would be touched that her work means so much to you. It's better to be attached or be a stan of something than to be a mindless bot wading through life with no passion for anything.

And I'm not just saying this because I'm also a deranged fan. This applies to any piece of media or any anime series. You know your heart, you know what you've been through in life, you know how life especially in this century is so fucking hard where it seems like everything is trying to crush you, where it feels like you're constantly trying to keep your head afloat in a vast ocean of despair being weighed down by, well, everything and if you find that one life raft that keeps you above the surface, that one thing that allows you to keep on going, that one ray of sunshine that makes you think hey maybe the world isn't so bad, as long as you’re in your lane, just enjoying KnY and engaging with the fandom in a positive way then who the FUCK are those barely sentient pieces of shit to take it away from you?

So with that being said, let's explore your concerns

SaneGiyuu is toxic

I feel the reason people think it’s a toxic ship is because a huge chunk of the fandom tends to infantilize Giyuu and vilify Sanemi. Which is a side effect of the lack of media literacy and shallowness that a lot of people possess.

Giyuu is always made out to be this soft, quiet, uwu-baby boy who is in need of protection because he's constantly bullied by the big, scary meanies like Sanemi and Obanai. Which people with working brains will know is far from the truth; Sanemi and Obanai talk shit about him yes, but if talking shit about someone constitutes as bullying then we’re all bullies and I bully my former boss.

Sanemi on the other hand is always made out to be either this irredeemable monster or this dominant, feral, 'hide-your-daughters' type man who's always alpha and on top, grrrrrr, he's both demonized and sexualized by a lot of fans. So with this mischaracterization of both characters, it's no wonder that people will see SaneGiyuu and come to the conclusion that it’s toxic because all they see is this soft, baby-uwu angel being paired up with this rabid monster. They want Sanemi and Giyuu to be Izuku and Bakugou from MHA so badly, which is just dumb. The other detractors of this ship usually lack the ability to recognize subtext or are just plain homophobic, thinking that the ship interferes with their fantasies.

Here’s a list of some posts I’ve made refuting these claims, but also exploring their dynamics. Just like you, this ship is really important to me because of it’s underlying themes of found family, trauma, miscommunication, isolation. And just the comfort of finding someone who has been through the same things you’ve been through and understands your pain.

The Anime is mid

Since you're new to the fandom it’s no surprise that the 'Demon Slayer is mid' comments would get to you, they used to get to me too. Long time fans will tell you how they’ve learned to just tune out the nonsense and focus on the fandom. Like yea yea we heard you, demon slayer is only carried by the animation, when you’re tired of complaining you’ll shut up and go back to snorting the Cheetos dust off your keyboard 🙄. 

I consider Demon Slayer a litmus test on how people analyze media, especially media that doesn’t have elements that they’re familiar with. See, here’s one thing that a lot of people, even fans of Demon Slayer, don’t get. Demon Slayer is a character driven story—every event or fight is done for the development of the characters in the story. That's why the plot is so simple because it’s not about the plot, it’s about the characters. When people criticize KnY’s plot for being simple, I can’t help but laugh because almost all the greatest stories in humanity have simple plots or some none at all.

Lord of the Rings is about a bunch of dudes who travel to a tower to destroy a ring. 

Gladiator is about a fallen general who is out for revenge on the emperor who betrayed him. 

The Matrix doesn't even have a proper goal until the third act of the movie. 

Harry Potter is about a bunch of kids who want to defeat the wizard that killed Harry's parents. 

American Psycho doesn't even have a proper story structure. It's just about a psychotic dude who goes axe-crazy, literally. 

The Star Wars franchise is about a bunch of people rebelling against a dictatorship. 

Sam Raimi's Spider-Man is about Peter facing the Villain of the week.

So why are these stories so close to our hearts? It’s because of the characters. All this talk about characters being nerfed, fights being boring, plot armor, pacing etc. etc. are all plot-related complaints which don’t apply to the story because it’s all about the characters. Those who say the characters are one-dimensional are just fucking stupid, lazy and shallow-minded. The rest don’t even properly watch the anime or read the manga, they just parrot whatever opinions are popular at the moment.

It also doesn't cater to the western gaze. KnY is completely and unapologetically Japanese, it can’t take place in anywhere but Japan. it’s so rich with Japanese culture, mythologies, folktales, and stories that it’s either you get it, try to get it or you don’t. Even the name 'Kimetsu no Yaiba' directly translates to Blade of Demon Destruction and not just any blade either, Yaiba specifically refers to a Japanese sword. It’s a love letter to Japan that celebrates Japanese culture and values so much that it borders on nationalism 😂. This is foreign to some anime dudebros who are used to anime that either takes place in modern Tokyo, Western-inspired fantasy countries, some version of 'San Fransokyo' or the Edo period.

This especially goes for that arrogant streak of shit who has dryer lint for hair that made the 1hr-long video. I’m sorry, but I’ll be damned before I entertain the opinions of someone who thinks Walter White is a great, complex character. Like bitch, you're not some deep, philosophical critic, you’re just a stupid edgelord who just happened to snare the interest of other stupid edgelords who want to feel like their existence and opinions matter in the grand scheme of things.

Here's a video where the creator refutes that asshole's bullshit criticisms. And here are some other positive and more nuanced analysis videos by people who have actual brains and, y'know, HAVE ACTUALLY WATCHED THE FUCKING ANIME AND READ THE FUCKING MANGA! Here, here, here and here. I'll post them in my pinned post and update when I find more stuff.

So please don't feel sad Anon! Nothing any of these cum-stain-should’ve-beens spew out of the cesspool inside their skulls will change the fact that Demon Slayer is a cultural phenomenon that revitalized the manga and anime industry. It is so popular that even the prime minister of Japan is a fan, that it introduced millions of people to not just anime/manga culture but also Japanese culture, that it revitalized the anime industry. There's also the debate about how it apparently outsold the entire comic book industry in 2020 and university researchers have studied and published analysis pieces on the characters. Not bad for a 'mid' series 😤

I hope I was able to answer your questions, and make you feel better. I'm glad you love my work but most importantly:

FUCK YEA!!! WE GOT ANOTHER GIYUUSANE BELIEVER!!!

[maximwtf]

“Should have known better.”

Kinich x Reader

Words: 2500

Google Docs Pages: 4.1

Warnings: Kinich character story spoilers, angst/hurt w comfort/good ending, saurian death?, platonic relationship

Opening: Kinich is not one for strong reactions, even when dealing with bigger issues. But does his composure falter when a pressure point from the past is pressed?

AN// G/N Reader. Tell me why I completely missed out on Kinich lore even after getting him the first day the banner came out :”D ANYWAY now that I’m in the loop, this just had to be done. Likely not going to write for him again, just felt like doing this one. Hehe, anyway I’ll now disappear to work on another Capitano fic ;; (Was excited about that so I'm sorry if the ending of this is ooc and/or rushed)

“Should have known better.”

Tagging along with Kinich while he was on the job wasn’t something you were used to doing often. But on the other hand, you knew he didn’t mind having you there. Company apart from Ajaw seemed to be something he craved every now and then, not that you blamed him for that. Plus, you never asked for any portion of the funds he was going to get for the commissions even after helping him complete it. Simply enjoying the time spent with him, which had been hard for him to understand in the beginning. Why would someone work on a commission for free, only taking his company as payment? But by now, he seemed to not mind whenever you tagged along. 

And it wasn’t like you were completely useless either. A rather seasoned warrior and a fighter as you were, allowed him to get through commissions faster which wasn’t something he’d turn down especially if it was for free. 

The area this time wasn’t anything you hadn’t seen before. Some high cliffs that surely would have frightened the less seasoned, but by this point standing on the edge of one didn’t stir those feelings within anymore. Not even while in the heat of battle, like now. 

Your eyes followed Kinich, hooked onto a saurian after having just gotten rid of one. The pack was rather large this time, having caused so much trouble for the people near the cliffs that they’d asked for help from Kinich. 

Your attention was brought back to the situation at hand soon after. Dodging the saurian’s hook, taking a little more speed into your steps before raising your weapon against it. Eyes keen to follow each step of the creature, making sure the hit would land. But while your attention was occupied, Kinich noticed another one  behind you. An easy target, really. It hadn’t even targeted you yet, so getting it to fall off of the cliff would have been easier than having to spend time on fighting it. Kinich loaded his shot, aiming with practised ease and watching to make sure it hit the creature. Though, as soon as it did the saurian managed to hook itself onto your ankle before the explosion ultimately made it lose its balance. Slipping off of the cliff and into the ravine. Affectively throwing you off of your feet with the heavy pull, quickly starting to drag your form along with it down the steep drop. 

There wasn’t any vegetation to take a hold of, grassy ground with dried bushes and a few flowers. Your hands grasped the ground, digging up dirt along the way. Attempting to kick the hook off of your ankle, but it held on tight. Especially when the saurian was basically dead weight in the ravine. Hanging off of you, making its hold ever stronger.

Your eyes quickly moved to Kinich, aware how little there was you could do anymore. A moment flashing by as pure desperate panic flooded your eyes, no words coming out in the moment. Focused solely on trying to get your body back up as it was actively being dragged into what seemed like the end. But your companion appeared frozen. 

Kinich had but a few moments to react, if even that. Having noticed the hook attached itself and soon after you were already hanging on the edge. Grasping at anything nearby to hold on. But even that feeble moment had been enough to make his mind run a course into a dark pit of memories. 

The young yet such a tough boy who’d been chased out by his father. And by a mere mistake, had watched his by then fragile father stumble. Taking a step back a little too close to the edge of the cliff, and with a heavy thud land on the bottom. 

How his body had frozen just as it had on this day. How his whole body had felt the tremble going through it, something he’d never felt before. A warm pressure at the back of his eyes as his body began to move towards the edge. How he’d seen what remained at the bottom of what seemed like an endless drop, having pulled himself back straight after. Chest tightening by the minute. The young yet such a tough man from then on clutching his small hands into fists. Fighting the tears back down, gritting his teeth as his mind raced. The situation was more of a mess than anything he’d seen before. Yet by some miracle he was able to numb his mind enough to push himself back onto his feet and find a grapple hook to bring his father to proper rest. 

But all that was then. Something he thought he wouldn’t have to ever think about again. Yet the lump in his throat as he approached the edge of the cliff proved him otherwise. But what was he so frightened of? And just then, he heard a thud. Something that echoed for but a mere moment. But a sound that felt like something in him had shattered. No rational thought of ‘I haven’t even seen what happened yet’ was able to ease his mind.  Yet his body felt almost as if it was moving on its own. It had been from the moment he’d watched your fingers slip off the edge. Hurrying there to see what could be salvaged. 

Even if his mind had seemingly decided the fate of the situation, his body hadn’t. He wouldn’t allow something like this to happen again. This was not a way to go, for anyone. Least of all you. 

You felt the ground under your hands slip, the last bit of the cliff giving in under the weight. Falling alongside you and the saurian. The speed of the fall was so frightening you could have sworn your heart stopped beating for a minute, before even the thought of doing your all to survive came to mind. 

The walls of the ravine in certain parts were tight enough for roots to connect from one side to another. Not all of them would support the weight of a human, but a few of the older ones were thick enough to be worthy enough to give it a try. To try and wedge yourself between a pair of them. 

And by a miracle, the Night Kingdom wasn’t going to have you on this day. Not now, at the very least. You’d managed to grip a pair of the roots. Gravel, dirt and smaller rocks trickling down the sides of the ravine at the sudden pull on the old roots. For a moment fearing they would give out like the edge of the cliff had. 

You held your breath, eyes widened. As if even the most subtle movement would restart the fall. Even the saurian had mostly stopped thrashing around, almost like even it understood the gravity of the situation. And if it did, that was a problem. The roots weren’t going to hold up the weight of you and the saurian. It had to go for a chance to get back up to even be possible. 

As soon as the air stilled, confirmed the roots were going to allow you a chance. To watch you fight for your life while hanging off of them by your arms. You started kicking the saurian, wiggling and moving the ankle it was attached to. The hook’s hold had slipped earlier when you’d lodged yourself between the roots, so it was no surprise that the already frightened saurian couldn’t hold on for longer. Its hold slipping, keeping you on the edge up until you heard the loud thud that echoed at the very bottom of the ravine. 

The air was so still, only the sound of your heavy breathing and soft trickle of the gravel that fell from the walls of the ravine. Following the fate of the saurian. Leaving you hanging before even thinking of trying to find a more stable spot between the roots. Kinich being still up on the cliff having slipped your mind completely. Focusing all your energy and instinct on finding the most suitable spot to get on before even attempting to come up with a plan to get back up. 

Kinich so desperately wanted to hesitate, not look down the ravine. Not after the thud that had echoed from the bottom of it. The sound that had stirred those memories to resurface, powerful enough to make him wonder if he even wanted to check and confirm the source of the sound. 

But then again, Kinich couldn't just leave and assume what had happened. Peeking over the edge, keen eyes scanning the bottom of the ravine. Only being able to spot the saurian, unmoving at the bottom. His brows furrowed, eyes moving across the walls of the ravine in confusion. A silent breath escaping him after spotting your form lodged between the roots, having heard the rustle of the dirt falling down from around the roots. Not even giving himself time to be relieved before his mind started ticking. Trying to figure out a way to fish you back up. 

“Hold on, I’ll reel you back up.” He called out, voice stoic as ever. And if you hadn’t been in such an attention requiring situation, you could have heard the slight waver in his voice. 

You peered up, merely seeing the man’s shadow before he disappeared off of the cliff edge. Way to leave someone hanging, you thought. A slight snarl appearing on your face before at last making it close enough to the wall of the ravine to calm down for a moment.

Soon a few rocks fell from the top, catching your attention. A grappling hook slowly lowered itself to your level before Kinich appeared at the top. “Wrap it around yourself.” He instructed, the same tone of voice still there. Doing his all to hold it together. Panicking now would only lead to worse losses, and that wasn’t a price he was willing to pay. 

Though, he would have been a fool to not admit the way he was feeling. Having noticed how his hands had shook while fetching the hook. How his breath had hitched at the thud, how tense he felt even now. 

The tug at the end of the rope caught his attention, peering back down to make sure you were securely attached to the grappling hook. 

Trying your best to help him, you used the wall closest to you. Placing the tip of your boot to each crevice you could spot, making the weight a little lighter for him. 

Soon a heavy breath escaped your lips when the familiar grass appeared back into view, crawling back on the top of the cliff. Kinich taking a hold of you, easily lifting your form back up. Dragging you rather far from the edge without even noticing before he let go. 

You allowed yourself to lay on your back, breathing heavily as the seriousness of the situation slowly started to sink in. Staring at the sky, following the few clouds that travelled across in that time. Turning to look at Kinich, watching as he hadn’t allowed himself to sit down. Leaned against his knees, hair hiding most of his face as he stared at the grass. Breaths heavy. A relieved yet tense silence between the two of you. 

Observing him a little longer, it wasn’t hard to tell that he’d clearly been shaken up by the events. And maybe it hadn’t hit you just as hard yet, but you felt almost worse for him than yourself. It wasn’t often that you nor anyone else saw him like this. 

With a silent groan you sat back up, thinking for a moment before deciding to speak up. “You couldn’t have known it would attach itself to me…It’s okay.” Knowing he wasn’t going to let this slip with you merely telling him that it wasn’t his fault, yet still trying. He wasn't the kind of person to not blame himself when he’d been involved in something like this. “No, I should have known. Waited for you to get out of its range. I knew better than that.” Kinich replied, voice surprisingly calm as he stood back up. Completely dismissing your earlier forgiveness. 

You couldn’t get a word in after, not that there was much you could say. He wouldn’t believe you if you kept telling him that he was not at fault here. Merely watching as he kneeled in front of you, eyes scanning your form before doing a more thorough check up for injuries. Lifting each of your limbs, moving them to make sure that nothing was out of place. Mumbling something about the adrenaline wearing off soon and having to check up on you after that again. Gaining him a slight eye roll from you. 

The chuckle you let out couldn’t hide the nervousness still deep in your system, still feeling the need to make him understand. To make him listen, it wasn’t his fault. That there was no reason to think of how it had happened, but to move on and be glad you’d both made it out in one piece. 

You took a hold of his hand, stopping it from wandering around your form. Obsessively checking that everything was okay. Giving him a look before pulling the man down to sit and calm down. Feeling his hand still tremble, clear that he was still on edge about this.

You may have not known everything of his past, and you didn’t have to. No matter what he may have encountered before you’d even met him didn’t matter now. He was allowed to be shocked and panicked, but what you firmly believed he shouldn’t do was to force himself to be so uptight. To make himself move on so quickly. Especially when that didn’t seem to be an unconscious choice, it was one he forced himself to make. 

“Hey, we’re both alive and well…mostly in one piece. Calm down, eh?” You tried to smile at him. Watching as his eyes stared into yours, careful as he eased out and more willingly sat down. A breath escaping him, giving in. If just a little. 

You placed his hand against your chest, breathing calmly. In a way an attempt to calm yourself at the same time, maybe tricking your brain by doing this for him. Watching as wind so high up in the cliffs blew against the both of you, sitting there in silence. Waiting until the initial shock wore off. 

And likely would have waited for longer. If it hadn’t been for the subtle grunt that escaped you when letting go of his hand. Likely having sprained something in your shoulder due to the fall. But it was enough to bring Kinich back on track, quick in his actions as he tugged you back onto your feet. Mumbling something about not wasting any more time and having to go find a medic. Gaining him another eye roll.

[drunkenskunk]

There's a project related to my interest in Warhammer that I've wanted to do for quite some time, but I know I'll never get the chance to actually do it. At least, not properly. And it involves... I think "historical preservation" is probably the best word for it?

See, I like to occasionally sift through my collection of old "out of date" rulebooks and army codex books from earlier editions of 40k. The sort of things that have been out of print for many years. Games Workshop hasn't sold these books in 2 or 3 decades, and they've all been supplanted by the current rules. And I do this because I think it's interesting to see how the game - in both crunch and fluff - has changed since 1987.

More beyond the break...

For example: the different ways the galaxy has been depicted in 40k between the different editions. In the first rulebook, when it was still called Rogue Trader, all we got was a small, almost abstract, image on the bottom of the page. The 2nd edition rulebook that came out in October 1993 (specifically, the Codex Imperialis book) had a two page spread, but it was also very abstract with a few notes, but no real detail to speak of. As far as I can tell, the first time we got a map of the galaxy with the segmentum divisions that we're all accustomed to now came from a very unexpected place: the very first Tyranid codex that came out in August 1995.

Of course, my copy of the 2nd Edition book is a very poor quality black and white scan. Those segmentum divisions could genuinely be there, and I just can't see it. Not to mention, it's entirely possible that a map with segmentum divisions first premiered in an issue of White Dwarf first, because GW liked to do stuff like that in the old days where you'd see it in the hobby magazine long before it was "officially" released in a rulebook.

There are a lot of glaring omissions from a lot of the other files in my collection: poor scans, missing pages, corrupted files... There's a lot I still don't know, because it's impossible for me to currently confirm that the little I do know is, in fact, accurate. My collection is woefully incomplete. Plus, I don't really have much past 6th edition anyway.

And this, in essence, is my idea: try and complete the collection. Find pristine copies of all the old 40k rulebooks, army codexes, even old copies of White Dwarf, and digitize them all into a huge archive for the sake of historical preservation. Of a sort.

Basically, I want to become a Lexmechanic of the Adeptus Mechanicus, looking for Dark Age of Technology era STC's uncorrupted by the Heresy or the war with the Iron Men. Either that, or I want to become Trazyn with his Infinite Archive on Solemnace.

Unfortunately, there are many problems with this plan. The first being GW's overly litigious nature. They see all this Warhammer shit as "product" first and a hobby for people to enjoy a very, VERY distant second. Doesn't matter that these books (and the magazines) are long since out of print and they don't sell them anymore, effectively making the old editions the tabletop hobby equivalent to video game abandonware... if they got wind that I was attempting a project of this nature, I just know GW would smack me in the face with a cease and desist.

Of course, the other major stumbling block here is the financial issue. And I'm not just talking about buying the books. Obviously, there's the problem of the rarer books that go for upwards of $300 or more on ebay, but there's also a volume problem. Even if you find some good deals, and you're able to find older books for $10 or $15 a pop, there's just SO MANY books, that if I were to attempt this I would be wasting several thousand dollars that I just don't have.

More importantly, there's also the machine I would need to buy in order to do this project in the first place. Because if I was going to do this, I would want to do it right, y'know? I wouldn't want to simply shove the books into my dinky little scanner-printer combo hooked up to my computer. The only way I'd get a clean scan using that method would be to physically destroy these very valuable books, and that's the last thing I'd want to do. No, I would want to do it right, and get a machine like Scribe, the book scanner used by the internet archive:

Now, obviously, I can't get access to that machine, specifically, because Scribe was custom built by the engineers at the Internet Archive. But other V-cradle book scanners that let you digitize books without destroying them do exist... and they're all REALLY expensive. A good one to produce professional quality scans is, like, $25,000.

And I know what you're thinking: why do I even care about any of this? Even if this project was not entirely out of my reach, it's ultimately pointless, right? Why would I want to preserve all these old, out-of-date, no longer relevant rulebooks for a tabletop wargame that has only existed exactly as long as I have?

Because... let's be honest, this isn't really about Warhammer. The reason I want to do this stems from a much deeper desire to simply Remember. It's amazing and terrifying in equal measure just how easily history can be erased, either deliberately or simply through neglect. All of these things in our lives that are seemingly so important to us can easily vanish from history, like sandcastles when the tide rolls in.

Hell, if you really want to know my feelings about this, just watch Jacob Geller's video on this very subject.

If I had infinite time and infinite money, and I didn't care about any kind of repercussions from GW's legal team, this project would not be beyond my reach.

But I do not have infinite time or money. And there are more things in my life that I need to be concerned with that are far more important than creating a... stupid archive.

Shame, really.

[lopsidedtreetrunks]

hello everyone 👋 a little update about the fanfic fan comic thing I'm doing (from now on I'll be tagging related stuff as 'disney candy stripers' to refer back to the original fanfic) ft. Hook being completely Done:

So, it's been about 10 days since i promised that it wouldn't take longer than 2 weeks to finish, and I'm only about 3/4 of the way done with it. It is taking longer than i anticipated, mostly because i did end up going back to redo the first page, and then I've had a couple of bad days where i couldn't draw at all. All this to say, i am still working on it and I'm having a lot of fun with it, but it is going to take another few weeks. I'm hoping to be done by the start of February but I'm also not going to be surprised if I'm not 😅

Also thank you for all of the support I've gotten on that first page?!?!! I really wasn't expecting that so I'm very happy that so many people enjoyed it! I wanted to make this update so that I can let you all know what's happening 💕

[dessertpanda]

All to Break it again

PT 2 of Her Healed heart MasterList

Okay, this was a request I'm sorry this took so long, between everything and the small writer slump I've been going through... I am happy to finally get something out to you all. HAPPY NEW YEAR BTW... okay and I did a pole on my Tumbler for who gets the girl... ya'll are ruthless... like actually. Mavuikaaa shouts out to them for the request!!!! Cheating, cursing, Abusive relationship, sex... yeah they said sad so...) OOC RAPH! (I think nearly all the boys would be at least decent boyfriends... but for the sake of it all...)

(It takes a few months after they've been dating... and after the Out of the Shadow movie [that wasn't relevant last chap but it is in this one]

Y/n sat quietly on the couch, crocheting a small turtle to match the plush Raph had made for her. She was waiting for him to return, and after an argument with Leo, he left to blow off some steam... she'd be waiting a while.  "Where do you think he's at?" A soft but stern voice called out, increasing in volume as the figure walked out of the Dojo. Y/n glanced up and softly smiled at her best friend. Leo stood in the doorway, sweat dripping down his form and his katakanas snuggling on his back.

"The gym or rooftop," truth was... she had no idea where he was. He had a habit of just getting up and leaving, not telling anyone where he was going or when he'd return. It had worsened in recent weeks, but she simply brushed it off as his usual attitude. Having been with Raph for a little over a couple months, she was still in the honeymoon phase. Rose-colored lens and a mindset that he could do no wrong. The perfect... man. However, Leo could see right through that. He'd seen Raph leave her waiting one too many times. He has seen him walk out of the room while they were making love... leaving Y/n sitting on the bed... Cold... Lonely... Unsatisfied. But yet, she never moved... simply waiting for him to return. He'd watch Raph leave on their date night, checking his phone before making up an excuse to head to the surface... Again leaving Y/n dolled up... in the lair... once again... waiting.

'He's...no,' Leo shook the ideas out of his head... deciding to join Y/n on the couch. Gently sitting on the cochin next to her, watching as her delicate hands gently held the thread and hook, pulling it through and repeating... He watched the way her tongue was stuck out in concentration... 'Oh, if you were my girl... I'd never keep you waiting He chuckled to himself... kicking himself for allowing his brother to take her... especially watching her now.

"Leo..." Her voice was soft... almost fragile. One he wasn't expecting, completely contradicting the smile on her face. "do... do you think... he found someone else?" Her question... unfortunately didn't surprise him, in fact... he and she were both on the same page as usual.

"I..." He silenced himself...hearing the rev of Raph's bike entering the garage of the lair. "later... we can talk later," He sighed, getting up off the couch to move seats, knowing Raph would be pissy if he caught him so close to her.

"I'M HOME!" His voice... was booming, echoing through the lair... but what startled Leo the most... was the way Y/n jumped, not at the volume... no... at the voice itself. His voice.

"HI BABE!" Y/n called, getting up to greet her green boyfriend at the living room entrance. She smiled softly at him, the yarn clenched tightly in her hands, the small turtle suffocating from her grasp.

"Oh, hey Y/n," His voice held no excitement... no acknowledgment... no love. It was just... as if he was talking to a wall or toy. "Could you go make me something, I'm starving!" The way she flinched... the way she moved without question... she had lost the subtle relaxed energy she had moments ago... the moment he walked in.

"R-right... Absolutely!" Setting down the craft, she made quick way to the Kitchen. Leo... hated what he was seeing, she wasn't a housewife... to return after hours of being gone... and to demand food... No hug? No kiss? No Hi, love?

"Leo..." Raph gave a subtle nod to his older brother before following close behind her.

"Raph..." Leo could only stare... watching... waiting... Analyzing his brother... 'why? Why so cold? Why so distant? Why so... human-like?' He sat there for a moment, just listening to them softly talking in the kitchen. Not loud enough for him to hear... but enough for him to know... they were arguing. The muffed sounds of Raph huffing and grunting... responding with sorry or don't question me. He couldn't stop himself from slowly approaching, peaking around the corner, watching as Y/n shuffled around the Kitchen, glass plate in hand, heating up the leftovers from last night's pot roast. Upon closer inspection... it wasn't just any glass plate. Of course not, Raph only ate off his limited-edition Batman cutlery.

Oh, and Leo watched it in slow motion... the way her foot caught the edge of the carpet, something Donnie was supposed to fix ages ago, how she gasped, how her eyes zeroed in on the plate... that was following in front of her. Watched how she reached out to catch it, neglecting her own safety, allowing her jaw to harshly hit the ground while she barely missed the plate... he watched as it shattered... glass flying, digging into her hands and scattering across the tile. He watched as tears gathered in her eyes... staring at the plate... then glancing back at the hulking figure that sat still on the bar stool.

"AH!" Y/n's voice shattered whatever concentration he had, making a quick move to attend to her... but he halted... the look on her face... the way her pupils dilated in fear. How her breath slowed as reality slowly soaked in.

"DAMN IT Y/N!" Raph's voice was... full of rage. Not the way one should speak when their lover had just been hurt. Leo didn't move, he wanted... no he needed to see how this played out. He watched as Raph got up, practically stepping over Y/n reaching down to pick up the pieces of his shattered collectible. "YOU FUCKIN BROKE IT!" He roared, reaching for another piece, holding them, trying to piece them back together.

"Ah! I'm so sorry! I-I'll find you another one!" Using her glass and soaked hands to push herself up off the ground... she again, neglected herself to tend to him, Leo watched as she only slightly winced while doing so... simply shaking her head and standing to peer over Raphs shoulder.

Raph snorted in disbelief, "Oh really? How do you expect to do that huh?" His voice was... deep... rough... angry... "HUH?" Jetting up to full height, his shell made contact with her jaw as he stood. Now towering over the mess and her. "Only a few were ever made... SO HOW!" Y/n groaned softly from the pain... wiping the bit of blood that dripped from her lip due to her biting it.

"M-maybe I can fix it!" Now bouncing up herself, she stared up at him. His looming figure took steps closer to her... causing her to take steps back, one, two, three, four...until she met the counter... pinning her under him. She knew she couldn't fight back... not against him... not enough to protect herself if he had a lash out... again. "R-Raph, You're scaring me... please," Her soft whimper as Raph tightly gripped her upper arm caused Leo to act. Moving quickly and swiftly, he tightly gripped Raphs forearm...a warning glare in his eyes.

"Let... Her... Go!" His voice was stern, venomous... When he felt Raphs grip only tighten... he did something he never thought he'd do... Drawing a kitchen knife from the block... he held it to Raphs bicep. "Now"

"L-Leo," Y/n gasped softly, from both his appearance and his action. She sighed in relief when Raph let go... a bruise already forming. Ducking quickly, using what Leo had taught her ages ago to escape the confines of Raphs hulking figure. Swiftly and smoothly, she found herself safe behind Leo... who still stood... glaring at his brother.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"SHE BROKE MY PLATE!"

"SO YOU CAN JUST HURT HER?? ARE YOU A FUCKIN ANIMAL?" Raphs response pissed him off... how dare he think that such a motive was good enough to lay a hand on a woman... not just any woman... his own woman... 'No fuck his woman... my woman' Leo gritted his teeth, after seeing that. Raph deserved nothing... nobody like Y/n.

"She... I-" Raph was cut off by Leo... who had lowered the knife and had his arm wrapped around Y/n...who was still hiding behind him.

"Save it... You're her lover... you should be protecting her... not hurting her!"

"I DO PROTECT HER!"

"JUST NOT FROM YOURSELF APPARENTLY!"

"WELL AREN'T YOU JUST MR.PERFECT!" Raph stood chest to chest with Leo... his glare never wavering

"I... I never claimed to be perfect... but at least I don't let my emotions control me and hurt the ones I care for," Oh his calm voice pissed Raph off even more... left his blood boiling.

'Who the fuck are you to get involved?' He grumbled in his head... "I didn't hurt her..."

"The bruise says otherwise!"

"I-" Raph halted... watching as her form shook softly behind Leo... wanting to run... but too scared to leave the wall that was her best friend. Raph only scoffed, rolling his eyes while hitting Leo's shoulder on his way out of the room... Causing both Leo and Y/n to gasp.

(mini time skip)

Y/n had left... telling Leo she was going to search for the plate... and fix what she'd done... no matter how much it cost. Ever insistent, even after Leo told her she shouldn't reward Raph for his lash out... and that accidents happen. She left the lair in high tension... the two brothers refusing to even look the other in the eyes.

"So... You're just that Fucken stupid?" Leo sat, gently holding the crocheted turtle between his fingers, not looking up to meet his brother's glare.

"No one asked you to get involved..." Leo didn't care... This was Y/n they were talking about, the girl he GAVE... He gave to his brother... to hold, cherish, love... not whatever was going on now...

"I don't give a damn... You hurt her... and not only emotionally with you leaving all the damn time but physically... PHYSICALLY!!" He roared, moving to stand... Raphs brush-off attitude pissing him off.

"I KNOW! Alright, I messed up... but what do you want me to do? Can't fucken turn back the clock and undo it!"

"I gave YOU!" Leo was furious... breathing heavily, his eyes pinned to Raph... and his fists clenched tightly at his sides... a poor excuse of a way to try and hold himself back. With a deep breath, he thought his words over carefully before continuing. "I gave you... the greatest girl of all Times," Now standing over Raph, turtle set aside safely... "I helped you get her... I played wingman... and yet," He couldn't stop them... not the tears of rage that threatened to fall... From the sheer... Embarrassment, rage, longing? He didn't know, but he knew they were for her. "I thought she'd be happier with you... but she's terrified of you... How can you sit there and just... be okay with that?" He was breathless, truly trying to fathom how Raph could do such a thing.

"There's someone else..." It was hesitant... nothing but a mere whisper, but to the leader... it was like Raph had just screamed in his face...

"What..." He watched as Raph panicked, having heard the words spoken for the first time. The soft gasp that left his lips after admitting such a thing... "Hehe... hahah! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" Now grabbing him by the front of his plastron, Leo forced him to stand... "YOU'RE GIVEN THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME TO BE WITH A GIRL THAT TRULY WANTS YOU..." He took a deep breath... but his screaming continued... "AND YOU GO SLEEP WITH SOMEONE ELSE!?"

"I DON'T KNOW OKAY... She was... just there and... I couldn't contain myself," He didn't try to argue back... he had no right to. Now after... Knowing,  knowing that he was literally cheating on his older brother's dream girl.

"I really... Really feel like killing you..." Leo's voice was dark... and venomous... "but... At least she knows," The smirk that took over Leo's face was... devilish, like he had caught an angle in his sinful trap. With a slight shift of weight from one foot to the other... Leo revealed what was behind his large shell.

"what do you... Y/n..." Raphs eyes widened... There she was... in all her beautiful glory... but it was tainted. Her tear-stained face, the way her eyebrows furred in rage, and how her eyes were dark... oh so dark.

"Thank you, Leo... I should've known..." She sighed, bringing her sleeve up to wipe her face. "I... I'd like to go home now," Her voice was even... as if she wasn't heartbroken... like who she thought was the love of her life, didn't just admit to cheating on her.

"I... Wait!" He went to shove Leo out of his way, but the hero in blue refused to move...

"You've done enough..."

"YOU SET ME UP!! WHY? Y/N!" Raph screamed, "PLEASE... let me explain!" Still struggling against Leo, Raph reached out for her, watching as she only stared at him...

"Why? You... admitted yourself," All this time, "The number of times... you left me...were they all for her?" He could see the pieces all falling into place... "Left me in bed... Date nights..." She chuckled, it was humorless but still...  "All for her?"

"I... Okay, fine but scream at me, hit me... Something!" He wanted a reaction from her... fear, rage, sadness... anything to show she cared, anything... that would give him some type of amo to make her stay.

"No... I," She sighed softly, refusing to look away from him... staring at his distressed eyes over Leo's shoulder... She knew she had to face him now... or else she'd fall for his trap all over again. "I am done... wasting tears on you..." With a shove, he fell back onto the couch, his weight causing it to strain under him. He moved to get up but stopped...watching as Leo moved, leading Y/n to his bedroom, arm around her shoulder... holding her close to his chest.

"Don't... bother us Raph," Oh he didn't miss the way Leo smirked. The way his arm tightened ever so slightly or how it moved from her shoulder to her waist.

 Raph sat down... he deserved this. He got too greedy and now... he was left with a girl who didn't take the time to remember how he liked his sandwiches... how he hated sweaty bandanas, or that he loved the simple act of just... existing together. Raph knew Leo was the one that healed her heart... "All for me to break it again.." He scoffed... knowing no matter what, he lost, he lost the girl, the gracious chance of a love life... to his brother... the guy that should've had her first... Accepting his sadness... he sat on the couch... allowing the tears to flow and the soft sobs to leave his throat... He wanted no sympathy... only to wallow in his own anguish at the opportunity he fucked up.

(OKAY OKAY... I hope that was up to expectations... this was hard to write like.. really hard wokring on the next chapter for my Villian Deku x Y/N HAVE A GREAT DAY AND REMEMBER TO EAT, DRINK, AND LOVE YOURSELF BYEEEEEE LOVE YOU ALL)

[millylotus]

I got the full We Are Robin series for chirstmas! So here are some random silly things I noticed

Though I don't have any of the Robin War crossover or tie-in issues, which is a bummer but still.

Duke is like a self certified adrenaline junkie & says as much within like the first few pages

So yeah I get it. Mortality. It's about survival. Spent so much time surviving lately I feel like I've gotten addicted to it. To the Rush. I mean, I know why. It's all endorphins and adrenaline. I shouldn't trust it I shouldn't love it this much in all it's chemical falseness. But I'm a junkie now. worse stuff to be hooked on I guess. Issue #1, Page 4

Riko like definitely had a crush on Duke at some point and the angst is only further fueling my mind

Not crazy about the alternative cover to Issue #9B[right], it's cute but it feels like it belongs to another plot idea, #9A[left] looks more inline and it's just genuinely one of the coolest covers for this series

I really liked how it felt like all the Robin kids where pretty equal in page time & relevance to the story, I would have like some more of Riko in the later Issues but she did get a whole one to herself with a completely different artist

Focusing on that, Issue #4 is fucking gorgeous, like Jorge Corona's style is so much fun and comicy but the combined work of James Harvey, Diana Egea & Alex Jaffe brings to life a completely different type of very comic/graph novel style. Along with the fact the busyness of it reflects off of Riko's own personality & mentality. The two page spreads, the lack of barely any panel lines b/c each panel just looks that different from each other, the colors & pattern overlays, it's gorgeous and I could go off on a separate post about it another time. It's a shame I don't have all the covers with their style!

Though having Babs specifically be Riko's batgirl doesn't make much sense in a real world timeline but this is comic time soooo, i still would have like Steph to be her batgirl!

Duke has watched the Hobbit, and he thinks of himself as himself as more of the sword guy but he also like Legolas b/c he thinks he's cool & honestly that says alot about Duke's personality

Always thought of myself as more swarthy sword-weilding badass with the five-o'clock shadow. Or at least that elf dude. Yeah... that elf dude had style. Issue #1 Page 3

I've already read these volumes a couple months ago, so coming back to them was refreshing and I'm glad to have them physically, makes them alot easier to read and understand when I have 'em there physically

Also made me learn more about Troy, I thought he was a bit full of himself at first but he was genuinely just a good kid trying to do good, and his failure to do so resulted in his death and it's one of two things that breaks down our group of Robins [the other being Gordon's robo-batman denouncing the We Are Robin movement as a whole]

Troy Walker...Above average student with interests in political activism, history, and philosophy. Issue #4 Back Page 2

I'm pretty sure Duke is the youngest of our group of Robins, like the character summaries at the back of Issue #4, Duke-16, Riko-16, Dax-17, Izzy-17, Troy-17, Dre-17, which I think is one of best realizations I had about this story

No Duke isn't really the leader of WaR I'd say but the end of the series he's more just a working member of the most active group of Robins

By #12 they're very much a "We" "Us" "All" sort of group and saying they have a distinct leader would do them a disservice, though if I remember correctly there was some sort of hierarchy mentioned in the Robin War crossover issues, but we're gonna work around those for a second, at least until I get me hands on them/reread them again

I'd say the leaders are who ever is most determined to be a Robin within the moment, which Duke isn't at the beginning but is later on [round #6 #11 & #12] and even then he's often sharing that drive to be Robin with another Robin [usually Riko honestly]

And I'd say the Robin with the biggest & consistent want are Riko, Shug & Dax, in that order but mainly cause Dax had an era of doubt after Troy died & Robo-Batman denounced them

Riko hallucinates Batgirl and I need that to be talked about, like the hallucination isn't all that strong, purely visual, but it's high-def and it moves like a person and reacts to what she says to it [in the middle of class while a teacher is trying to get her attention mind you] I think the spread where it happens is the 2nd one I put up top

Izzy is actually a very emotional person, and I think she's the first character to cry in the series, [they are literally disarming a highly dangerous explosive and I think that's so valid for her] and honestly non of her emotions are like unwarrented, she's constantly on her last fucking leg, between late nights at her family resturant, combined with homework till 3 and chronically late to school to the point it might get her held back or expelled she's pretty tired with it all

I think my favorite moment for her was when her brother Hector [who she despises but also that's her brother so like] died to that weird Owl-Man Talon thing [which like I'm pretty sure died in Robin War], and when Talon-Man was about to kill Duke & Riko, like her black mascara/eyeshadow tears as she held that thing at gun point where devastating, not to mention it's goading her on & Duke & Riko are trying to get her to drop the gun aswell

Talon: Yes! this one understands the true nature[kill or be killed] of things! Izzy:...Gonna...gonna bury this creep. Tryin' to sell us the future Duke: C'mon, drop the gun! Talon: Pull the trigger, my beautiful killer. Take your first step towards a new world. Izzy: I'll so it...come any closer an I'll-- Issue #6 Page 7

This Issue also cements our Robins and their relationship to batman some more

Riko, Duke & Dax are the leaders in this Issue, more so the 1st two cause Dax doesn't have much page time, but still the sentiment of them not being wannabes/worshipers Batman's like everyone thinks and instead their own group is important here

Talon: Your code...the Bat's code...it is folly...He won't help you. Issue #6 page 5 Riko: Robins don't kill Izzy. You know this. Remember who we are. Talon: Young fool! Your false idol will be your undoing. Riko: Not trying to be like Batman. Trying to be better. Issue #6 page 10

I like Dre he's actually a really interesting guy, and you have to look past all the walls he pulls up [which are interesting in'n'off themselves] and see a kid who wants to be a vigilante, he's one of the leaders for Issues #9 & #10, being his own vigilante & operative after the Robin Laws are passed, he doesn't back down one bit & stays steadfast in his want to help people, going against Smiley in his Joker era as the first Robin to do so

He's just honestly cool, and I like the way he starts as a pessimist to the idea of Nest, but that doesn't fully stop him from wanting to help people, he gets back into it the moment he pulls himself together

I don't think I've brought up Dax properly yet but he's definitely one of the connectors of the group, [the others being Shug & Riko], once he gets out of his early bought of pessimism after Robo-Bat disavows them he is a consistent leader within the group and pushes the others to fucking do something, but his connecting work is mainly done for Izzy & Dre, Izzy when she's in her slump later on, & when Dre when he's running solo without the others, he pulls the wayward birds closer to the rest of the flock

Having read this series & reminiscing on "Batman & The Signal" & "The Outsiders" I don't like the way they portray Duke much at all

Lee Bermejo gets Duke in a way I don't think the other writes really do, this Duke, WaR!Duke, would not have become The Signal, he would have been Lark, and I mourn the lose of what he could of been had he not been pushed into become The Signal, it would have been interesting to see Damian & Tim share Robin with a kid they had to actually deal with, it might have actually forced Tim to move on completely from Robin, it might have gotten Damian more friends, it would have given Duke a more interesting story in my opinion

Okay I'm tired now, so i'm just put my fav covers of the ones I have from this series in left to right descending order of favorite-to-least favorite.

Goodnight! & Happy Holidays everyone!!!!

[rwrbficrecs]

September Faves

Enjoy these September recs from the team 🥰

Best Bar in The World by @pridepages (book-verse)

@heybuddy-drabbles: Well, I can now confirm that I'm 100% cerified a pridepages fan. The way she picks the themes of the original source and uses them in a different setting is just absolutely flawless, the same happens in Little Pages. It's gives you the same feelings of reading rwrb but also reading something new and different all at the same time.

My Brother’s Keeper by @indomitable-love (book-verse)

@janetical: Written in Philip’s POV, it tackles all the canon events in a frustrating yet heart-wrenching way. I knew what I was getting myself into when I noticed the POV, but I really did hate Philip less at the end of this fic. Everything is entailed in this little story: unresolved daddy issues and grief, internalized homophobia and Philip acknowledging Henry’s first time. It will make you cry, and it will end on a somewhat happy note.

For all the world to see by @everwitch-magiks (book-verse)

@suseagull04: This is a fic I couldn't put down! I'm always a fan of Henry being a writer in fics (so the description alone caught my eye), and the mix of cute moments with firstprince (and David) and plot twists had me hooked! It's also such an interesting look at the life of a writer and how difficult it is for them to have anonymity, which was especially interesting to me because of the writers strike in Hollywood.

he looks up grinning like the devil by @coffeecatsme (book-verse)

@read-and-write-: Also known as the frat boy AU, if you want some hurt/comfort that really does what it says on the tin. Don't be afraid because it is completely worth it!

written in the stars by @indomitable-love (book-verse)

@heybuddy-drabbles: This is just so beautiful. It's basically about Henry mostly. I didn't expect the "past" part would hit so hard but it did. I had to put it down a few times because it was truly heartbreaking but it has a happy ending. Don't be fooled like I was about it being all fluff. It's not, it's very nostalgic and they are apart for a long time but I still recommend it because, like I said, it's really beautiful.

Deep Blue by @myheartalivewrites (book-verse)

@thesleepyskipper: This was just a stunning piece of writing that does such a wonderful job of evoking images of the seaside cliffs, swimming in the cove and spending lazy days in the cottage above. At the same time, we get all that delicious pining and FWB to lovers fun within that beautiful setting. The spicy bits are beautifully done too! Highly recommend!

Rae of Sunshine! (series) by @three-drink-amy @indomitable-love @clottedcreamfudge @everwitch-magiks @the-amber-fox @villiageidiot @athousandrooms @welcometololaland @dustratcentral

@rmd-writes: I couldn't choose just one fic from this series gifted to me so I'm recommending them all, but every fic very much deserves the recommendation! Nine food-themed fics featuring everything from an exploration of Henry's life through food to chef!Henry to craft services trailer!Alex to matchmaker!Pez to the world's most cursed coffee habits from some of my favourite authors (and people)

What Do I Know? by @three-drink-amy (book-verse)

@babiemonk: The angst is so good I cried

Screw Your Courage to the Sticking Place (and forget macbeth is a fucking tragedy) by @celaestis1 (book-verse)

@babiemonk: So amazing, I didn’t want it to ever end. The angst was so good. The kidfic element was perfect. Possibly the perfect fic.

@dot524: I absolutely loved this one. Such a ride and I enjoyed every bit of it. I also really enjoyed the character of Alex’s daughter. Lots of complexity, great story arc.

God Save the Blessed American President Mom by @zipadeea (book-verse)

@babiemonk: This fucking broke me I cried for at least an entire day

@suseagull04: This is such an introspective look at Alex and Ellen's relationship (and Ellen as a character in general) and it's so good!

like father by rizcriz (movie-verse)

@indomitable-love: A really lovely and sensitively told conversation between Oscar & Henry, where Oscar catches Henry sneaking out of the lake house. This one got me right in my emotions. Very healing.

Bite Your Tongue On Purpose by Woodsarelovely (book-verse)

@darwinsfinchesx: Coffee Shop AU with a twist. This fic has some of the best dialogue I’ve ever read. It’s delightful, funny, and the characterization is on point. It leaves a big smile on my face every time I re-read it.

seldom what they seem by @jumpinginmuddypuddles (book-verse)

@gwiazdziarka: Sleeping beauty AU, where they don't need to fight with witches or dragons but there are... other problems. I love modern-day solutions to fairy-tale problems and here it actually just makes everything more complicated.

Mr. Bodypillow by @inexplicablymine (book-verse)

@gwiazdziarka: Yes, I recently recommended this one as wip, but now it's complete and I just need to bring it up again, because it deserves all the attention. Alex and Henry have the most amazing relationship here that goes outside of usual norms. It's also the warmest and the sweetest thing that I've read in a while. And it has great ace representation.

@read-and-write-: Is Ace!Alex very special to you? Do you want to feel like someone is wrapping you in a soft blanket? Then Mr. BodyPillow is for you! It's beautiful and will leave you feeling all warm and fuzzy inside

come pick me up by @smc-27 (book-verse)

@suseagull04: This fic will both make you laugh and give you all the feels. An awkward first interaction when Henry requests an Uber ride leads to an instant connection and sizzling chemistry, all leading to a conclusion that, although satisfying, will leave you wanting more of this verse!

the winner takes it all by @dumbpeachjuice (book-verse)

@myheartalivewrites: A Tour de France, rivals cyclists AU! Keeping a lot of the book dynamics, Alex and Henry find themselves competing against each other on the Tour — and then falling into bed. This has everything: thrilling sports passages (even though I haven’t ever watched the Tour in my life!), romantic tension, a great read.

Love-Love by @smc-27 (book-verse)

@myheartalivewrites: a tennis AU set at Wimbledon, which obviously holds a special place in RWRB hearts. Alex and Henry as rival tennis players who’ve hooked up once, and then end up as doubles partners. A quick read that left me all warmed up from the inside.

a flicker, a spark by acastle (book/movie-verse)

@daisymae-12: Wow I don’t have the words to truly convey how much I loved this fic. It diverges from canon at Kensington and the events that follow are so beautifully written. This fic made me cry over an OC, made me feel seen when I recognized parts of my own cultural background woven into a story, made my heart ache for everything Alex and Henry have been through and made me tear up some more. This is one of the most heart-wrenching canon-divergence fics I’ve ever read and I know I’m going to be thinking about it for a long time.

Baby, All At Once (This Is Enough) by @iboatedhere (book-verse)

@daisymae-12: This fic is such a lovely look into Alex & Henry’s life post-canon and had me absolutely melting from the softness of it all.

Will You Brie Mine? by @cha-melodius (book-verse)

@daisymae-12: A fic featuring cheese and Henry being the one to sell it, what’s not to love? This was such a sweet fic and I loved the interactions between them! @cha-melodius always writes such amazing fics, and this was no exception.

[idreaminmugiwara]

Okay, my honest opinion of MHA 431, even as a multi-shipper?

What was that?

No seriously.

What was that??

I am baffled. My flabbers are gassted. I am disappointed.

Did I want to see them grown up and see how they were doing post chapter 430? Yes.

Did I wish them all to follow their authentic happiness and have happy, fulfilling adult lives? Also yes.

Did this feel completely shoe-horned in and did it diverge almost entirely from the arcs of the characters prior to this chapter and let down every expectation I didn't even know I had? OH MY GOD YES.

Also the art felt sloppy? Maybe rushed? At least comparatively.

Horikoshi's art has always stood out to me because every single panel is so emotionally potent. His art jumps off the page and hooks you. It's like drugs. The only panel that grabbed me in this chapter was this one, because it's the closest to what I would consider to be his usual standard. Like this panel slaps.

Also that absolute look of LOVE that Todoroki is giving Deku here. Tooootally not contemplating a fic about the two of these mooks now, nope, not at ALL.

Okay the biggest elephant in the room. IzuOcha. I just...like....

Look, there was close to zero tension leading up to the Predator hand hold moment which incidentally held zero emotional impact for me.

I also honestly feel like it does disservice to Ochaco's growth as a character. She canonically does have feelings for Deku (in high school, mind you) but I thought she'd more or less grown past them when she realized that part of what she admired and loved about him is that it represents the person SHE wants to be, the kind of hero she wants to become.

And what even is Bakgugou and Deku's relationship now? We spent 430 chapters watching their relationship deepen and evolve into something that becomes so important that it ends up saving the entire world only for that super uncomfortable car ride and a bland wave from Bakugou as Deku runs to get the girl?

I never expected BakuDeku to be canon, just so we're very clear. This is a shonen and I'm not that naive. I also want to remind everyone freaking out about IzuOcha : just because it's canon doesn't mean your headcanon is cancelled. BakuDeku is one of the most beautiful ships in anime, at least for me, and nothing will ever change that.

It's just....if this was going to be a canon epilogue tying up alllllll story ends, all character arcs, this was possibly one of the laziest and least fulfilling ways I think they could have done it. If the story had spent even half the time developing Deku and Ochaco's relationship as they did his and Bakugou's , maybe I"d feel differently, but MHA revolves very, very intentionally around the two of them and a bond that one may consider legendary.

Y'all this felt like fanfiction, and not even good fanfiction. I was maybe one of the few that was relatively okay with chapter 430. I think Deku as a teacher is a beautiful twist and very true to his character. I LOVE the idea of Uravity starting counseling for people with quirks. I think Bakugou bouncing around the hero's rating list makes sense given his character, but this....this just wasn't it for me. My headcanon says this all ended at 430.

On that note, I gotta get back to my bkdk longfic.

Only an entire third act to go, nbd.

PS: if you DID enjoy this chapter, please don't let my analysis take that away from you. people are allowed to like what they like and ship who they ship. I just needed somewhere to process my feelings.

[lyralit]

4.1.24 - the importance of learning new things

As much as I think academic & work focus is incredibly important going into the new year, one of my other goals is to practice doing more: to learn all of the things I want to do, in addition to work, in addition to writing. I want to know how to do thousands of little things, and I think the longer we wait, the less likely we are to do them.

Picking up a new hobby doesn't have to be buying a dozen textbooks and spending hundreds of dollars on lessons because you might have the slightest interest: it can be from whatever you have here, now, and you'll never learn if you don't get started.

Some of the things I've been getting into (as I've mentioned before) are baking & crocheting. it just feels so cozy and nice & I love the idea of comfort.

here is a list of things I want to / you should try that's new!

learning a new language. fifteen minutes a day, I kid you not. I'm learning latin on duolingo and I don't ever think about it, but when I do it (25 day streak 💪🏻), I'm starting to notice my improvements

consuming good media. and that's not scrolling for half an hour on tumblr. it's books—deep ones and silly ones and ones about romance and dragons and apocalypses. it's movies! I watched keira knightley's pride and prejudice twice in the last few months, and also three men and a baby which is something I never thought I would watch, but it was quite funny I think. and I learn from it: I cannot write humour or romance for the life of me, so it's basically studying to write (is the self-gaslighting too evident?)

learning to crochet. I made a silly little headband today, after scrolling through pinterest and desperately wanting one. I started crocheting in december to give as gifts (I completed none of my wips, much like when I write) and used the tools I had around me: an old rainbow loom hook and whatever string I could find. now I'm proud to say I can read somewhat fluently crochet acronyms.

baking. I keep saying this. I know. but when I tell you a two years ago I was exploding cupcakes in the oven and last month I made bakery-style cookies...I made bread! a loaf of bread! (in a bread machine, but it's so good and I instantly made another. there is one in the bread machine right now). honestly it just made me feel that much better about improvement, and trying new things, and that is the mindset I want for the new year.

learning to code. in all honesty, I never thought I was a compsci - engineer kind of person. then this year, out of sudden (masterminded) urges, I joined a bunch of tech and robotics initiatives, and maybe it's the sense of community (I can rejoice in finding another nerdy group) but now I am happily chauffeuring myself to these meetings 4h a week. I'm looking into pursuing more into the fields of eng and science. and I'm learning some code from one of the friends I've made!

starting a blog. ...I know most of the people who linger around my blog stay for the writing content (the last posts have turned this writerblr into a digital diary, and I'm only half sorry for that). but since I've joined tumblr (almost three years ago now!) I've got to meet so many wonderful people (including you!) and want to try so many things.

and I get it. it's overwhelming. so here are some starting goals that maybe I'll try also.

start doing art. -> make a card for someone as a gift.

learn a new sport & start exercising. (I'm trying out track & field in the spring, so stay tuned to figure out how that goes) -> see if someone will come play ball with you. do 1 or 2 youtube workout videos a week.

film videos of your daily life. it doesn't need to be for posting! -> edit together clips you've taken for a last year recape.

start a scrapbook. -> print out photos and dig up construction paper. decorate a page.

make a poetry journal. -> go on pinterest to read poetry! pin styles you like and set fifteen minutes to writing.

make a regular journal! -> write once a day. just try: goals for the day in the morning, or a recap at night.

try your hand at gardening. -> research plants that grow well in your region. see if any of the seeds you may have at home are useful. water your lawn. buy a plant and try to keep it alive (set reminders, leave it in front of your sink)

learn to make candles. -> watch a youtube tutorial. see if you can play around with candles you already have.

play chess. -> see if someone will play chess with you. no? chess.com is right there. go make an account. go find a stranger.

learn to play an instrument off youtube. -> maybe you have a piano sitting around, or a guitar you've never touched. you don't even need to master it. pick a song you like and google that. no instrument? maybe there's a way to play drums with home items.

go for a run. -> once a week. a set time. just shoes and the outdoors. too cold? go to a gym and use a treadmill. maybe that's not possible? skip rope.

start / join a book club. -> just you, or some close friends, or people online. a book a month. talk about it.

** on that note, would anyone like to join a tumblr book club? slide into my asks and maybe we can get a blog list!

thank you for reading again <3 until next time.

k.

[willalove75]

The Estate | Lady Dimitrescu x Fem!oc Chapter 2

Summary: Your first day of work continues and you try your best to impress your new boss.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI

Tags: Fluff? Dash of angst at the end, not much else to tag for now!

I'll add more tags as needed!

Notes: Chapter 2! I am trying to make this a genuine slow burn so it's going to take a tiny bit to get going (especially to get to the fun smutty stuff - but don't fret, it will definitely happen!) but I hope you all stick around and enjoy the ride! I have a lot of great things planned for this fic so stay tuned!

After Alcina leaves for her meeting you get settled at your desk. Opening the new laptop box you're surprised to see it's a new MacBook. You were expecting some kind of crappy ThinkPad. Once you're settled and hooked up to the two monitors you start diving into the estates social media accounts. Switching between checking them out on the computer and seeing how they look on your phone, you start taking detailed notes of your initial impressions. You note a few analytics you were able to find and you write down some ideas on how to improve the channels.

After you vetted the social media channels you look at the past marketing strategies your predecessor had laid out. Impressed with the work they had put into the strategies, there wasn't much that needed changing. Most of the things you tweaked were more personal preference than anything else.

You thought it would take time to get back into the groove since it's been almost two years since you've done any of this, but to your pleasant surprise it was seamless. Before you know it you have half a dozen pages of written notes on the social media accounts and marketing strategies. Although you're not sure if it's because it's your first day on the job and you want to impress your boss, or because it's been so long since you've been able to sink your teeth into something like this and you're making up for lost time. Glancing between the monitors and your notebook, invested in your work, you didn't realize Alcina came back from her meeting and was standing in the doorway watching you.

With her arms loosely crossed over her chest, leaning against the doorframe, Alcina watches you for a few minutes as you work. Observing you as you look between your notebook, writing what looked to her like very detailed notes, and your computer screen. You're completely oblivious to her presence. The corner of her lip curls up just a little as she hears you muttering to yourself. She's impressed with your diligence, but is curious if the effort you're putting in now will last or if you're just trying to impress her on your first day. Dropping one arm, she gently knocks against your office door.

You're pulled from your hyper-focus when you hear a soft knock on the door. Looking over, you see Alcina leaning against the doorframe, one arm laid across her chest.

"Oh! I'm so sorry I didn't see you there." You say as a blush creeps across your cheeks.

"No apologies necessary," She says, her voice as smooth as velvet. "I see you've made some progress with the social media channels?"

"Yes, I was able to go through them. Not as thoroughly as I wanted to, but enough so I could get an idea of where everything stands."

"And what are your thoughts?"

"Oh, did you want me to go over everything now?"

"I would. I am very curious to know what your thoughts are, especially since you came so highly regarded from your previous employer."

You feel your heart almost leap out of your chest.

"You- you talked to my last boss?"

"I did. I do with all of my potential employees, especially those with a two year gap in their CV's." She says, raising an eyebrow at you.

You let out a nervous chuckle and you feel yourself getting warm.

"Wh-what did they say? If you don't mind me asking, that is." You quickly add.

"That you were an excellent addition to their staff. That you are brilliant at what you do and that it was a pleasure to work with you. Your boss also mentioned that he was sad to see you go but wished you well."

A blush creeps across your cheeks. You really liked your old job, but after everything happened you couldn't stay - you couldn't do anything for two years honestly.

"Oh, well, that's really nice of them to say. Did he, um, say anything else about my resignation?"

"Only that you resigned due to a personal issue outside of work."

A wave of relief washes over you, you weren't ready to have that conversation with your new boss - not yet at least. There was a part of you that thought you were insane for calling your old boss, asking him not to mention details of your resignation. But it seems like the conversation paid off, and as usual, you were able to trust him.

"Oh, good." You say with a little too much relief. Alcina tilts her head and her eyes narrow a bit at you. "Not good, I meant, it's nice to know that he respects the privacy of his employees, past and present." You say, trying to save yourself. Alcina purses her lips a bit, you can tell that now she's even more curious about why you left your last job and why you haven't worked since. "The last two years have been, difficult, really difficult actually. But things are finally getting better and I'm really excited to be working again, to be able to put my skills to good use."

Alcina can't quite make heads or tails of your situation. She knows you have a 3 year old, so she was one when you stopped working, "Perhaps it had something to do with her daughter? Or maybe something happened to her. Maybe she was sick? But she looks healthy." Although Alcina knows better than anyone that looking healthy doesn't necessarily mean you are healthy. She wants to push you for more information but not only does she know that's incredibly unprofessional and inappropriate, she can tell you're avoiding talking about it so she lets it go for now.

"Then I would love to see your skills." She says as she walks up to your desk and stands behind you.

"O-okay." You say, looking up at her. She looks down at you and the corner of her lip just barely curls into a smile, her blue-grey eyes boring into yours. Fuck, she's gorgeous. You take a subtle deep breath to calm yourself and inhale the scent of her perfume. It smells expensive and mature, but also pretty and calming. It completely distracts you for a moment. You can hear her shift her weight from one leg to the other behind you and you snap back into the present.

"Is there anything in particular you want me to start with?" You ask, looking up at her over your shoulder.

"No, just show me what you've done so far." She replies with a wave of her hand.

You flip to the first page of your notes and start from the beginning. Starting off with the estates Instagram page, you tell her your thoughts on the visual aspects, the layout, the images themselves, how they could be improved, captions and hashtags that could be utilized more often, ideas for reels, stories and posts that can promote events and day-to-day operations. Next you move to the Facebook page, showing her some of the analytics you've collected, how the page can be improved, etc.. You go through the rest of the social media channels; telling her that embracing newer apps like TikTok and more professional ones such as LinkedIn can help drive traffic to the other social media accounts as well as the website. Alcina rolls her eyes at the mention of "TikTok" which makes you giggle a little.

"Something funny?" She asks with an unamused edge to her voice.

"Oh, no, sorry." You say, freezing in place. "It's just, I've seen that reaction quite a lot when talking about TikTok and it always makes me laugh a bit."

"What about it is funny?" She doesn't sound offended, at least you don't think she does. God you hope you didn't offend her on the first day.

"Because it really is a stupid app, it's like Vine but for Gen Z kids." She gives you a look when you mention "Vine," which lets you know that she doesn't know what that is. "Uh, Vine was a short form video social media channel, you could only make six second videos and it was mostly used by Millennials and some Generation Xers. It became massive quickly and a lot of the videos turned into popular memes. It was only around for four years before it was shut down, but it had over like, 200 million users or something crazy like that. Anyway, TikTok is similar to that. It's definitely hard to take it seriously when there's a lot of ridiculous videos on it. It's so massive and so popular, it would be stupid to not utilize since it can drive so much traffic to our other socials and even drive people through the doors."

"Is that your professional opinion?" She deadpans. You look up at her, confused. "That it would be stupid to not use it?"

Biting your lip for a second, you realize that what you said without thinking could easily have come off as if you're calling her stupid. With no way of digging yourself out of this one you shyly reply "Yeah."

Alcina quirks and eyebrow and her eyes go back to the screen.

"Interesting, continue."

After you go through the rest of the social medias and a little bit of the analytics that you found, you move onto the marketing strategies your predecessor left. Alcina is quiet but nods her head along as you go over what they left and what your thoughts are on it. After you mention the few things you plan on changing you make it a point to let her know that it's more for personal preference rather than professional reasons. She looks pleased as you go over what the person before you left and she gives you a nod of approval when you tell her what you plan on changing.

"I like the changes you plan on making and I agree with you in terms of personal preference. John was brilliant but I couldn't stand the way he did things. But how he did what he did worked so I had no real qualms with it. I already know I prefer your way."

"Thank you. It seems more logical and straightforward doing it like this, at least to me. I try to keep things as simple as possible so there's little room for error or miscommunication."

"Those are all things I appreciate. Very well done Kathleen, I must say I am impressed." She places her hand on your shoulder and you have to stop yourself from relaxing into her touch.

What is wrong with you? Have you really gone that long without physical contact? There's a part of you that thinks that it's just her putting you under her spell - whether she knows it or not. But you quickly push that thought out of your head. She's your new boss for gods sake! You need to get laid. You make a mental note to give your friends-with-benefits guy a call this week.

"I must say, I had my concerns when I hired you. I was aware of the fact that you've been out of work the last two years. My main concern was that you would be a bit rusty right off the bat, but just from what you've shown me you've already been able to put those concerns to bed. I am pleasantly surprised and happy to see that your work is just as wonderful as the work in your portfolio." Alcina gently squeezes your shoulder and takes her hand away.

"Oh, thank you so much. I really, really appreciate that. Please let me know if you have any other concerns so I can do my best to ease those as well." You say with a smile.

For a moment Alcina looks impressed but just as quickly as the look appeared, it disappeared.

"My only other concern would be that you strive to impress me early and then fail to do so after the first few weeks. Which I certainly hope is not the case. Aside from that, I believe you're going to do a wonderful job here."

"I absolutely understand. I know I tend to hit the ground running, but I can assure you I have the endurance to keep up the pace I've set."

"We shall see about that." Alcina says as she heads towards the door. "Wonderful work Kathleen. I am looking forward to see how well it all pays off."

Once Alcina is out of sight you lean back in your chair and exhale. It worries you a little that she seems to have some doubts in you. But from her perspective, you can understand why she would and you try to not let it get to you. You pick up your phone and you realize that you were with her for over an hour. There's no way, it felt like you were talking to her for maybe 30 minutes. How did that take over an hour?! And how was she standing there in those heels for so long without fidgeting or sitting down? That thought alone bewilders you. You're sitting for most of the day and you can't wait to get your shoes off the second you walk inside. She gave you a thorough tour of the place and stood there for over an hour and walked away like it was nothing? You were impressed to say the least.

With only a few hours left in your day, you decide now is better than ever to have lunch. After debating for a few minutes if you should shut your door or not, you decide to close it to give you a few minutes of peace while you eat. As you're eating your lunch at your desk, you scroll through Facebook and Instagram mindlessly. Michelle hasn't texted you since this morning so you're assuming everything is fine but you text her anyway to make sure. She responds a few minutes later with a picture of Emma asleep, taking her afternoon nap. The door to your office flies open and almost slams into the wall, causing you to jump in your seat.

A young, redheaded girl walks through the door with a backpack slung over her shoulder. When you jump she notices you and jumps too, letting out a yell.

"OH MY GOD WHO ARE YOU?" She yells.

You sit there for a moment in shock, unsure how to answer. This girl can't be older than 16, who is she? And what is she doing here?

"I-I'm Katie, the new marketing and social media strategist. Uh, who are you?"

The sound of heels against the floor takes your attention away. When you look at the door, Alcina is standing there with an unamused look on her face. She's looking at the young girl, you almost feel sorry for her but you're grateful she's not looking at you like that right now.

"Daniela." Alcina says through her teeth.

"Hi mommy!" She says, amping up the sweetness. Daniela wraps her arms around her mother and Alcina returns the gesture. She looks up at Alcina and Alcina arches an eyebrow at her, very well aware of that fact that Daniela is trying to soften her up so she doesn't get in trouble.

"Hello bug. Did you forget that our new marketing and social media strategist was starting today?"

"Yes, sorry mamă."

"Mhm." Alcina mutters before placing a kiss on the girls forehead. She pulls away from the girl, leaving one arm around her shoulder.

"Kathleen, this is my youngest daughter Daniela. Daniela, this is Kathleen."

"Wow you're pretty!" Daniela says.

You try and fail to bite back the smile that crosses your face and Alcina lets out a low, wait did she growl? That's what it sounded like, towards her daughter.

"Sorry." Daniela says, looking down at the floor.

"Its okay." You say with a smile. "It's great to meet you Daniela."

"It's nice meeting you too Kathleen!" She says, the excitement in her voice suddenly back. "Can I call you Katie?"

"Daniela." Alcina warns.

"It's okay," you say to Alcina with a smile. "Yeah, you can call me Katie."

Daniela's face lights up and she looks at her mom, beaming.

"So Katie, what's your favorite color?"

"Daniela that's enough." Alcina says, softer this time. "Kathleen is busy and has work that needs to get done. Your shift doesn't start for another 30 minutes, why don't you go find something to do until then?"

"You work here?" You ask, your words leaving your mouth before you even realize it.

"Yeah!" Daniela says, turning towards you. "I wait the tables, I can't serve alcohol until I'm 18 so I can't be behind the bar like Cass, but I can't wait to learn how to bartend! Mamă," she says, turning back towards Alcina. "where am I supposed to go now? There is where I would hang out!"

"You can stay in my office bug."

"Ugh. But your office is so boring!"

"I apologize draga mea but that seems to be your only option. Unless you want to start sweeping the tasting room before your shift starts?"

Daniela pouts at her mother who looks down at her adoringly.

"Fiinnneeeeee." She says, defeated. "Bye Katie! It was really awesome meeting you!"

"It was great meeting you too Daniela."

Daniela walks out and heads towards her mothers office and Alcina turns towards you.

"I apologize, again, for my children's behavior. Daniela seems to have a never-ending amount of energy. I would like to promise it isn't always a zoo with them around, but-"

"It's okay, really. I get it." You say with a smile.

"I appreciate your understanding. Now that you met two of my three girls, I'm sure you will meet Bela tomorrow. She only has one morning class and is usually here for the rest of the day. If you would like, I can have her show you what she's been doing with the social media channels tomorrow and have her start to gradually hand over the reigns."

"Yeah, that sounds great."

"Excellent."

Alcina turns on her heel and walks out of your office. You almost completely forgot about your lunch so you scarf it down quickly and get back to work.

As you're focused on working out the latest marketing tactic, you hear a "pssst" at your door. Looking over, you see Daniela, now in a white button down shirt and black dress pants, her long red hair is pulled back tightly into a ponytail.

"Hey Daniela, is there something I-"

"Shh!" She says, putting her finger over her lips. "I don't want mom to hear. She'll get mad at me for bothering you." You can't help but giggle at her and she steps further into your office. "Sorry if calling you pretty before embarrassed you. Mom is always telling me I have to think before I speak but you're just, super pretty, and I just blurted it out and-"

"Daniela," you say and you notice her starting to spiral. "it's okay, I'm not upset, I promise. Thank you for the compliment."

Daniela tilts her head at you, almost as if she's confused that you're not upset with her. She squints her eyes at you, as if she's trying to decipher something.

"You're different. I like you. I'm going to give you a new nickname."

"And what nickname will that be?"

"I don't know yet, but when I know, you'll know." You look behind her and see Alcina standing behind Daniela with her arms crossed over her chest and eyes narrowed at her daughter. How did she not make a single sound in those heels? And how long was she there for? Alcina clears her throat and Daniela jumps and turns around, looking like a deer in headlights.

"Mamă!" She says, trying to butter her mother up again.

"Don't even try."

Daniela smiles wide at her mother and turns back towards you.

"Bye Katie!"

"Bye Daniela." You say with a smile.

Alcina's eyes don't leave Daniela's head as she turns and leaves your office and Alcina follows behind her.

"Ce ti-am spus despre deranjarea ei? Nu înțeleg cum ai întârziat la tura ta, în timp ce ești aici de o jumătate de oră." (What did I tell you about bothering her? I don't understand how you're late for your shift meanwhile you've been here for half an hour.)

"Imi pare rau mama!" (I'm sorry mom!)

The rest of your day goes by rather smoothly and by the time you know it, you're packing up your things and getting ready to leave. Before you go, you stop by Alcina's office and knock gently on the door.

"Come in."

You open the door and Alcina looks up from her computer and smiles.

"Ah, Kathleen, is it the end of the day already?" She asks, more to herself you think, and she looks at the clock.

"Yeah, it went by fast. Is there anything else you need me to do before I go?"

"There is not, thank you. But I did want to speak with you, do you have a moment?"

"Absolutely." You say and she motions to the chair in front of her desk.

"So, how was your first day?" She asks, taking off her glasses and giving you her full attention.

"Honestly, it was great. I feel like I got a lot done and made some great headway on the new campaigns and strategies."

"I'm very happy to hear that. Is there anything you're unsure of or any questions you have?"

You pause for a moment to think.

"Um, not right now, but if something comes up I will let you know."

"Excellent. I'm glad you had a productive first day. I am looking forward to see the things we spoke about come to fruition."

"So am I."

"Well then, if that's all, I will see you tomorrow. Have a wonderful rest of your day Kathleen." She says with a smile.

"Thank you, you too."

After getting your stuff from your office you walk through the tasting room and see Daniela.

"Katie!! You're going home already?!"

"Yes ma'am!"

"Will you be here tomorrow?!"

"Yes I will be!"

"YAY!"

"Daniela." Cassandra growls from across the room. Daniela shrinks down a little and looks up at you apologetically.

"It's okay kiddo." You say, giving her a gentle smile. Daniela's face lights up again and she gives you a big smile.

"I'll see you tomorrow Katie!!"

"See you tomorrow Daniela." She heads over to one of the tables and you turn towards the bar to say goodbye to Cassandra. She glares at you and turns her back to you. "Alrighty." You say quietly to yourself and head to the car.

You pick up Emma and talk to your in-laws for a bit, giving them a brief recap of your first day. They both seem happy for you and you sense a little bit of relief from them too, but you know neither of them would ever say it out loud. When you get home you talk to Marge, giving her the same brief recap and she tells you she's proud of you. With Emma in tow the two of you head upstairs. Emma insisting on walking up the stairs herself since she's "a big girl."

Once dinner was eaten and cleaned up you gave Emma a bath and put her to bed. When she's finally asleep you pull out a bottle of wine and pour yourself a glass. With your wine in hand you sit on the couch and flip through a few suggested shows, settling on re-watching a few episodes of your favorite comfort show. After finishing the wine and relaxing for a bit, you get yourself ready for bed. Before you know it, you're fast asleep. It's the fastest you've been able to fall asleep in a long time and you're grateful for it.

When you open your eyes you find yourself in that all-too familiar field. Where the sky is clear and blue and the green grass is blowing in the wind.

You look around and finally spot the figure in the distance once more. Your heart clenches in your chest and you try to move towards it but you can't. No matter how hard you pull against your legs your muscles won't budge. The harder you fight against the led in your legs the harder it becomes. A silent cry rings out into the air and you find yourself becoming more and more desperate to move.

When you look up, you see the figure begin walking towards you. No matter how loudly you try to call out to it no sound passes through your lips. It closes half of the distance between the two of you before stopping once more. With one final desperate pull you're finally able to move your leg. Your movement is so slow, it feels like cinderblocks are tied to your ankles but you continue moving closer.

The shadow across the figures face lightens just enough so you think you can make out who it is. With your heart hammering inside of your chest you try and push forward faster. Just before the shadow falls away the figure begins to fade. You try and scream. You feel it reverberate through your vocal chords but again no sound comes out. Desperately you try and push forward faster, trying to reach it before it disappears.

Just as you reach out to touch it, it vanishes.

"NO!" You scream.

Your voice echoes through the valley. It combs through the tall grass and expands in the air reaching as far as the eye can see. Tears stream down your face and you fall to the ground on your knees. Another wail tears through your vocal chords. The sound flies through the air and as if it hits a wall, it reverberates back to you.

Your eyes snap open and you shoot up out of bed. With a ragged breath your eyes scan the room and you realize you're in your bedroom. You put your hand over your chest and you feel your heart hammering away inside of your ribcage. The sound of your alarm goes off again and you shut it off. Dragging your hand across your cheeks you realize you're wiping away fresh tears.

Looking down at the empty side of the bed you feel your heart ache. You grab your necklace from around your neck and trace the heart shape with your fingers in an attempt to ground yourself. When you feel your heartbeat finally settle you decide to get out of bed and get ready for your second day of work.

[posttexasstressdisorder]

To my tumblr homies...

...and y'all know who y'all are...

Let's hope the coming year isn't nearly as bad as we think it's gonna be.

Something tells me there may be something out of the ordinary happen in this shitshow that we can't see because reasons.

Reasons like doomscroll propaganda, like Yet Another Influx of Bots...pornbots, russian psyop bots. liking posts from 3 or 4 years ago, and following.

Case in point, one I blocked yesterday: seemed to be someone "on our side", with multiple posts generally supportive of the Good Guys, but in their one-page-blog, there was 1) an antimask post, and 2) an antivax post, and 3) a political post basically saying we're doomed.

I'd advise everyone to block all unfamiliar usernames, especially those with obvious pornbot names like "sweetemily98", etc. See unfamiliar usernames in your likes or follows? Nuke-em!

These past ten days away from posting have been odd and rough. One of our number, my brother-from-another-mother in eastern OR called me out of the blue two days after xmas to tell me his wife had passed away that morning. This one hit hard...wonderful lady, he and I have been bros for 25+ years now...the two of them were beyond kind when I went on my big road trip in '13. They loaned me their vanagon to camp in for a week...just wonderful folks. And she made a damn fine breakfast. Please send some love to my bro. He'll know.

As for my situation, I tried to just let myself collapse for a few days. Tried. Downstairs neighbor situation gone DefCon4. Banging/thumping long into the night, and all day. Noxious chemical smells, several different ones, wafting up through the floorboards. Sometimes I wake up with my bronchs completely closed, especially when she uses one particular one.

I am, essentially, being poisoned in my own bed. They refuse to change their behavior, except to maybe bang less loudly. Chemical fumes come up through the floor like they are IN MY BEDROOM.

I did some googlin', and I think I figured out what they're doing: the daughter is probably making fake braids and "weaves" out of synthetic hair. google the dangers of that shit. I'm at wits end. I've had the manager up here a couple times to listen and smell but they always stop what they're doing when he's here...they see him walk up the stairwell.

She came up and screamed lies at my front door, trying to make all the other neighbors think I was the bad guy. She says the noise I hear is "children next door running up and down their livingroom". Bullshit. Bitch responds when I say something loud enough for her to hear: either gets mad and slams it all harder, or takes whatever it is into the bathroom, which is just as bad, and makes worse smells.

A few times she tried to bang softer, but every thump hits me in the kidneys. My PTSD is off the hook. I could not sleep for four straight nights. She went until 3:30 am one night, regularly goes until after 1am. Absolutley unresponsive. Absolutely not taking responsibility for endangering my health. I have asthma. These fumes are literally killing me in my sleep.

She refuses to do this in another part of the apartment, like the living room, or the kitchen where there is a VENTILATION hood, no no no she HAS to do it right under my fucking bed.

I am a nervous fucking wreck. I just re-added up bills for January and now I am gonna be like $45 short. I put one fucking gallon of gas in my truck, afraid to put more. I will have to only partially pay the Electric bill, I guess.

Living in abject poverty, in what is essentially an un-safe place that costs $2800/mo. And the agency that is trying to find me a roommate said i needed to "lower my price" to $1300/mo, but that won't pay the fucking rent.

I got notified in October that I am on the "waiting list" for a really cool "seniors only" subsidized complex in Berkeley that is on a creek, next to a park, run by a nonprofit org, that will take 1/3 of my SSI as the rent. I might actually be able to...you know, LIVE.

But it may be literally YEARS before I can actually end up there. I went back to the listing, and they say "no previous evictions", so if I finally am evicted for being broke, I won't be able to get into that complex.

I have no idea where i am on the list, I have no idea how many old people would essentially have to die for me to finally get an apartment there. I've been doing my best to just keep repeating a little mantra of "my new address is..." all the way down to the zip code. Over and over. I don't know what the fuck else to do.

The stress of this shit, plus the incoming shitshow that we all know is gonna happen, feels fucking lethal. But I'm a PTSD-stricken, broken old autistic nearly 66 year old man who can't really keep up the energy to "mask" enough to leave the house and get groceries, so what do I know.

I know I woke up screaming from a nightmare this morning.

I feel like I'm being hyper-acutely "Spidey-Sensed" to death. And as I typed that, the thumping from downstairs started in again.

Drums. Drums in the deep. That never stop. I am living in the fucking Chamber of Mazarbul. Literally.

I am gonna wait until tomorrow to start posting "regularly" again. My energy levels are not gonna allow me to do the three radio show posts, I will have to cut it back to one a day. So that brings me to another point:

All the shows are on my archive page.

I made this a week-long poll, to get as many responses as possible before I make a firm decision.

To wrap this post up, thank you to all of y'all who have been so loving and supportive. Y'all are essentially all I got right now.

As we approach this symbolically "new" year, I hope we all wind up in better, safer, more humane circumstances.

Love y'all,

PTSD (aka Mr. Baggins)

[atopvisenyashill]

i totally get not shipping jonerys but i think there's too much potential for george not to explore. i do think jon is going to be critical of dany’s methods and they’re doomed, but they have a lot in common too? like wanting to impose their beliefs and world view on others, and they can bond over having really bad pr too! i just hope that it’s more interesting than the show, for my own sanity.

I do think there's potential to explore but I just do not see the romantic potential. Their commonalities are not the sort that would make them get along. Jon's bad PR is he's a reclusive dick running off bad advice (from another Targaryen to boot) who won't explain his long term plans to people he doesnt like, sends every single one of his allies away, and is trying to break down long held prejudices in the span of a few months. Dany's bad PR seems similar except on top of "breaking down long held prejudices" she trusts violent, shady ass men at every turn (while Jon just straight up executes Slynt! Do you see Jon misstep wrt Alliser and Bowen? Yes, but he is not sitting here justifying their violence the way Dany justifies men like Daario), compromises in ways that completely undermine the prejudices she's trying to break down, and has now simply accepted that her dragons killing innocent people is an acceptable loss. Dany takes a profit off the selling of slaves and I simply do not believe Jon would react so cavalierly to Dany telling him about how she burned her slave alive to hatch her dragons, especially after whatever shenanigans Melisandre and Stannis are going to be getting up to in TWOW. Not for nothing here, but Jon does not use Ghost as a killing machine; anyone or anything Ghost has killed has been in defense of Jon while Drogon is very much a weapon of war.

Beyond that, Dany's identity is very tied up in the being the last dragon. She's going to be ten times worse in the books about finding a dragonseed in Westeros, especially if Rhaegar found out Elia was killed and married Lyanna, thereby legitimizing Jon above Dany's own claim. She's going to kill Aegon VI and destroy KL, maybe even Casterly Rock and parts of Dorne as well! The thing I think everyone overlooks here though is that she is not getting to Westeros until the very end of TWOW at the earliest! She's going to have wracked up a kill count higher than every other character on page, probably a kill count higher than the Conquerors or the Dance or the Redgrass Field. Regardless of any similarities they have in their backgrounds, what Jon is likely to feel when she lands is horror, and a fair amount of nerves. Do I think he will feel guilt for having a hand in his aunt's death, in ending the line of Targaryens? Yes, absolutely! It doesn't mean his guilt will drive him to side with a woman who lands with a slave army and then sets fire to half the continent.

And to be completely honest, if they do hook up, if she lands and she's lauded as a hero after destroying the city states of Slaver's Bay, after slaughtering the khals of the dothraki, after taking a profit off slavery and engaging in collective and cruel & unusual punishment, if murdering Aegon VI for *checks notes* being lied to about who he is and having a better claim than her but not "earning" his ending, and finds some sort of happiness with Jon, I'm saying that's 100x more misogynistic than what the show did, not to mention nauseatingly imperialist and classist. The reason I am very firm in saying Dany will go dark is because it is my opinion anything less is a betrayal of the themes of non violence, the costs of war, and the punishing of the poor. Like, Robb's murder is a tragedy but the book does not shy away from the harm he does! Dany will not (should not!) be treated any different just because she's a woman; that's like the basis of feminist theory!