#and now i have a new obsession for the next week
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angelluv16 · 1 day ago
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She Has A type Part 2
Lando Norris x Leclerc!reader
✩: Lexi Leclerc was in a relationship with Joe Burrow for almost 5 years until He dumped her. Lando has had a huge crush on her since forever until he decided it was time to make a move.
faceclaim: sophia birlem, girls from pinterest
pairing: lando norris x leclerc!reader
request: no!!
warnings: none If their is let me know
Part 1
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liked by lexileclerc,joeburrow,arthurleclerc, and 628,926 others
lando: A night to Remember
view all 15,936 comments
username61: IS THAT A GIRL!!!!
arthurleclerc: Who got you smiling like that🤨😏😏
username62: Probably just another girl he's going to dump in the next week
lexileclerc: Your smile🥺
username63: HELLO!?!?!
username64: ARIANA?!?! what are you doing here
username65: OMG IS SHE GIVING HIM A SHOT
charlesleclerc: Well, well, well
username66: This is new lando never goes on dates who is he what where did old lando go
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lexileclerc
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{caption 1: He won't wake up and I'm bored} {caption 2: Decided That I don't need a man}
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liked by lando, carlossainz55, charlesleclerc, arthurleclerc and 1,523,667 others
lexileclerc: Happy Valentine's Day to My obsessed boy
view all 14,128 comments
lando: Happy Valentine's Love.
charlesleclerc: Finally I thought you guys were never going to announce it
arthurleclerc: ugh I have to deal with this in my own house when he comes over now I have to see it on my feed.
username67: Awww they Live together
username68: Free arthur lol
username69: THEY SAW TWITTER OMFG
username70: they said "Hey Let's Tell the world about our relationship that everyone figured out on Valentine's Day"
username71: Let's all act shocked!!
alex_albon: OMFG WHAT!!!!
georgerussell: THIS IS NEW TO ME
jade_distinguinn: This man stole My gf
alexandrasaintmleux: right he needs to be in jail
lilymhe: JAIL
flavy.barla: Thanks a lot lando
francisca.cgomes: NOT MY WIFE WE HAD PLANS
lando: stopp she's mine she doesn't like you guys. She loves me
lexileclerc: That's debatable. I love my girls more and kika We can still proceed with our plans.
francisca.cgomes: okay my love i'm packing right now
username72: Poor lando he just lost his gf to the most gorgeous girls inthe paddock
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liked by lexileclerc, arthurleclerc,oscarpiastri,and 1,278,250 others
lando: LOML
view all 15,029 comments
lexileclerc: wtf is the last photo how did you get that
lando: Something called Your older brother
arthurleclerc: The only good photo is the last one
oscarpiastri: finally I can stop hearing him talk about his crush on you
username73: Lando Not the last photo
username74: Not me think Awwww This sis so cute and then I scroll to the last slide 😭😭
charlesleclerc: I'm dying
username75: everyone's talking about the last photo but Let's fucking talk about the caption My dude is in love
username76: Rightt I cant wrap my head around that little lando has a gf
username77: Her smile Is everything like ugh
username78: lets all say thank you lando for some new pics of our girl
username79: Thank you Lando
username80: thank you Lando
flavy.barla: Thank you Lando (I still don't like you)
francisca.cgomes: Thank you Lando
lilymhe: Thank you lando
alexandrasaintmleux: Thank you lando
jade_distinguinn: Thank you Lando
pascale.leclerc.355: Thank you Lando
ciscanorris1: Thank you Lando
flonorris1: Thank you Lando
lando: Your Welcome
── ⟢ ・⸝⸝
lexileclerc
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{caption 1: He has my whole heart🥺🥰} {caption 2: I got ready to do nothing}
replies:
lando: I love you so much
arthurleclerc: 🙄🙄🤮🤮
username81: This is so cute omg
username82: Stopppp
replies:
lando: You can do me 😉😉
lexileclerc: No thank you😁😁
arthurleclerc: YOU DIDN'T WANT TO COME WITH ME AND JADE SO THAT'S ON YOU
lexileclerc: I did want to go with jade but then you came with so I decided not to go
alexandrasaintmleux: I'm heading to you rn
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And here's part 2!! Comment if you want to see more Lando and Lexi. Love you guys thank you for the love and support. Comment if you want to also be tagged in any future fanfic of mine!!
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@isagrace22 @charlesgirl16 @sarx164 @anamiad00msday
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ruruumin · 2 days ago
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phone call.
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₊˚ ᗢ itoshi rin x gn! reader.
⤷ an unexpected phone call breaks you out of your mess.
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going home, by all means, should mean good things. you no longer had to worry about your next paycheck or whats in your fridge. your parents dote on you every now and then, checking up on you as you lay in bed, noting the change in smell of your sheets. you should be happy, you keep telling yourself, but every time you wake up in the morning with the grease in your hair and a frown that doesn’t seem to turn upside down, you’re growing ever so frustrated by the circumstances. 
there lacks a feeling of agency that you felt when you left. whenever you ask your family what they have planned for the week, your parents shrug their shoulders, meanwhile your siblings roll their eyes and wave you off. outings are reserved for only the most special of occasions, like someone’s birthday or a national holiday. and if things couldn’t get any worse, the stickiness in your hair hasn’t gone away.
two weeks. thats all you have to endure, so why is it so increasingly difficult to feel normal? your bed should be the comfiest it has ever been, but its uncomfortable when you toss and turn, struggling to find the sweet spot that lulls you to sleep. in the morning, you have to continuously tug the corners of the sheets down so they don’t roll up on you again. you’re determined to say you’re no princess and pea, but the bags underneath your eyes are telling you to wake up and fix the bed.
for a moment, you start to miss your job. as much as its dreadful having to wake up early every single morning and motivate yourself in the mirror that it’ll be an easy day, you’re starting to realize the beauty in routine. the miniscule of joy that bubbles up in your chest whenever you come home and drop your bags to the ground, sighing in relief as you pop all the joints in your shoulders. even with exhaustion hanging off of you, at the end of the day, there was something to do. something that made everything all worth it.
and yet you lay in bed, staring up at the popcorn ceiling that you swear will one day come crashing down on you like dust. its obsessive the way you check your phone for any new messages, scrolling through dozens of instagram stories and seeing your friends travel the world with their families. 
suddenly, your phone goes off. rising from your coffin you take it into your hands, seeing the caller id flash. itoshi rin is calling! fumbling, you hurriedly answer the call, nervous beads of cold sweat running down the side of your neck. you pat down the frizz from your hair as you sigh.
“rin-chan?” 
his nickname rolls off your tongue as easily as your sanity in this room. you’ve been calling him with the same honorific since you were middle schoolers. despite the childishness of it all and how frighteningly shocked his friends look hearing it, he never once corrected you. 
“hello.” his voice is deep and alluding. sometimes it comes off as a little dry from the way he ends each sentence with a raspy breath. you hold the phone close to your ear, pressing your lips together as you eye the clock on your wall. 
“is something wrong? you don’t call unless its an emergency.” 
ever since sae left for spain, he’s lost interest in calling people. he would prefer texting his parents over answering their phone calls. even when he’s gotten lost on multiple occasions, ending up next to a river five miles from his house, he refused to make the first call. perhaps its the pride in his heart that has him refusing any form of voice-related communication, like asking for help was the equivalent of kneeling down and begging. 
you could already imagine his voice: that’s disgusting. i’d never call unless i need to. 
however, that’s not the thing that comes out of his mouth. 
“...nothing, i just wanted to call and ask how you are.” he replies with the same nonchalant tone you’ve grown too fond of. “i haven’t seen you in a while.”
“oh, i see.”
“are you busy?” 
you shake your head, even if hes unable to see it through the other line. “no, i was thinking about watching a movie or something to pass the time.” you look over to the laptop on your bed. its covered in stickers from different conventions you’ve been to. some of which you’ve miraculously dragged rin into attending, only because the author of dragon head was doing a panel. 
“i see.” there is a pause before he speaks up again. “do you want to watch anything together?”
“like—in person? or stream something online?” 
he hums with a melodic trill that has you on the edge of your bed. 
“either or works. but i like watching horror movies in person.” 
a shiver immediately runs down your spine as you close your eyes, teeth clattering together comedically. the last time you agreed to watch a horror movie with rin (regrettably you were the one to ask him what he wanted to watch since you asked him out first), he chose the goriest film known to man. 
at the time, you were both high schoolers sneaking out past curfew to watch movies at the local theater. you were holding onto his arm, begging to squeeze his hand to ease your worries. he somehow agreed despite knowing your grip strength, and allowed you to grip his hand as tight as you wanted. during the movie, you didn’t think much about it, not wanting to overcomplicate the strange relationship you had. all you did remember though, was that his skin felt warm against yours and how perfectly your fingers fit against the cracks of his hand. 
“please don’t make us watch another film like the sadness. i couldn’t handle it.”
“it’ll be tamer than that.” 
“really?”
“would i lie to you?”
you suppose he wouldn’t. he hasn’t for the last few years you’ve known him. he’s been open as a book. he’s a quiet man but his eyes scream the words in his throat. you think he’s the true definition of the quote: eyes are windows to the soul, because every time he’s drooling over icy-blue popsicles, it shows in the slight sheen in his eyes.
he’s sweeter than sugar when he wants to be and it makes you wonder if there was more to this than just a simple phone call. you want to think by some heavenly force, he heard your thoughts and wanted to pull you out of this slump. unknowingly, you let out a soft laugh. 
“what are you laughing about?”
you exhale in response, “i just thought it was funny that you would call. you normally don’t—so i was wondering if there was more to it.” 
he’s quiet on the other line. 
“sorry, did i say something wrong?” 
“no. i guess i was thinking the same thing.” 
you hold back a surprised gasp. for someone calm and rational as rin, going out of his way to call you was already a big step. but him asking to watch a movie with you? out of nowhere? surely there was something at play here that you weren’t quite seeing. swallowing your nervousness, you open your mouth to ask him the most important question of all:
“what is the real reason you’re calling, rin?” 
he takes a deep breath before saying three words. just three. nothing more. nothing less. but enough to convey to you the true intent of his actions.
“...i like you.” 
“huh?”
“i liked you since we met, (name). i didn’t want you to hear it from anyone else but me.”
“what are you—wait, rin—”
there is knocking on the other side. you could hear rin’s exasperated sigh and the sharp inhale he takes when the door opens. you heard isagi call out his name alongside bachira. they stumbled into the same place as rin, asking him if he will confess to his special somebody, not knowing that this special person was listening into their conversation, heart stopped and cupid-struck. 
rin brings his phone back up to his ear, “if you feel the same, can you watch a movie with me? i’ll be at the same place we always go to.” 
after that, the call ends abruptly. you’re left in shock, hand trembling and fingers fumbling over the call back button. you wanted answers. like how long did it take you to find out? why confess now? did something happen between him and the other boys at blue lock? and will you be joining him? 
looking at his caller id, you press your lips together, swiping your phone and running to your closet to throw on any fitting clothes. you realize after exiting your house that he had kept you from spiraling.
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stylestarkey · 3 days ago
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the debutante’s dilemma (01)
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𐙚 a rafe cameron social media and irl au
pairing   rafe cameron X carrera!reader
summary   spending every summer in the outer banks with your cousin kiara carrera were always a given—a break from the chaos of new york city. but this year is different. your mom, now an organiser for the annual debutante ball, is determined to introduce you to society. and you have a dilemma: finding the perfect escort.
warnings   none. 
navigation   masterlist 01 02
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after collecting your luggage, you spot your mom waving. seeing her always made you happy—you only got to twice a year. having divorced parents meant she visited new york once a year, and you spent summers in the outer banks with her. there was no bad blood between your parents; they simply fell out of love when you were five. she decided to stay with her sister, kie’s mom, while you stayed in new york, where your friends were. it was a setup that worked for everyone.
"how was the flight, bug?" she asks as she drives. bug—the nickname she gave you when you were little, thanks to your childhood obsession with ladybugs.
"alright. i watched a romcom, so it felt quick."
"you and your romcoms." she gives you a knowing look.
"i'm just like you, mom." you chuckle. "anyway, i’m seeing kie first thing in the morning."
"that’s fine, bug. but be home early—we’re having lunch at the country club."
"cool, can i bring kie?"
your mom hesitates. "about that... i signed you up for this year’s deb ball, so i think you should spend less time with your cousin for the next few weeks."
you turn to her, frowning. "the what ball?" you pause, her words sinking in. "actually, no—what do you mean i can’t see kie?"
"i didn’t say that. i just think you should prioritise the ball first."
you stare at her, completely lost. "i don’t even know what you’re talking about."
"i’ll explain everything tomorrow at the meeting."
you don’t push it. your mom always had a plan, and for now, you decide to just go with it.
navigation   masterlist 01 02
note   hi! i am so excited to share this new smau with you guys, which is highly inspired by tsitp!! this first part is short but i’m posting a longer one tomorrow (hopefully) 🫠 two doors down will currently be on hold for now, i hope you guys understand—comment if you want to be in the taglist though!   - H <3
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hoonieyun · 2 days ago
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now playing...
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i'll still be here - leigh-anne
pairing: lee heeseung x reader x sim jaeyun
warnings: i dont think so but pls lmk if i need to add anything, 18+
pls ignore timestamps and possible typos lol - this is partially written, please be sure to read the written portion to fully understand the story <3
wc: 468
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your phone was endlessly dinging, making it hard for you to focus but you tried your best to focus on the lady sitting in front of you. she had a sleek bun, wire rimmed glasses, and a pen and paper sat in front of her. 
“do you want to get that, yn?” she asks and you shake your head. 
“no, not important” you say with a smile as you quickly switch the ringer off to mute all of the sounds. 
“what is it, anyway?” she asks and you explain that it’s all of the people reaching out to you regarding your new song and because you kind of dropped it out of the blue; a lot of people were pleasantly surprised. you also added that you were planning to just drop the song and kind of go MIA to stop yourself from obsessing over every single thing that people say about you online. 
“that’s good, i’m glad you’re doing your best to listen to my advice but don’t feel like you need to be so strict with yourself. i know you’re a popstar so being on the internet is a part of your job; just know when to get off when it’s becoming too much, ok?”
she was so knowledgable in everything she said, it always made so much sense and whatever she said to you brought so much clarity. which was a good thing because it was her job at the end of the day. 
the rest of your session with your therapist goes very smoothly, talking about your goals for the week and habits that you’ve wanted to get into that you haven’t and other habits that have been hard for you to break and how you can get to a point of releasing those habits. 
it’s only been a few days speaking with this therapist but since she was a part of the mental health retreat you attended previously, she had your information from the retreat so you weren’t completely starting from scratch. 
you bid her goodbye with a small hug and you make your way to your car, pulling out your phone and quickly scrolling through all of the notifications before driving to your apartment. deciding that you’d respond to your texts when you got home. you listened to your new song on your drive home and you don’t realize you’re crying until your version gets too blurry. it wasn’t tears of sadness but something of release. 
like you’re releasing so much weight off your shoulders without the guilt your old self would feel for putting yourself first. as if you had become a totally new person in the last month and this new era of your life was focused on just you. 
choosing yourself and not feeling guilty for wanting to be happy.
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masterlist - back - next
hoonieyun notes: guys u need to listen to this song its so beautiful like truly one of my favorite songs.. the lyrics and overall melodic value of the song is so impactful.. anyways omg now playing is almost overrrrr wahhh
copyright 2025 - present © hoonieyun all rights reserved all writing here is fiction & not in any association with characters mentioned. if you enjoyed reading this please consider reblogging and following <3
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icewindandboringhorror · 2 years ago
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Just curious what the average level of personal investment in these sorts of things is. Like, how much do people usually get into silly stuff like this their friends ask of them? etc. etc. Which I know, only surveying a small sample on a very specific website means I'm not getting an exact average idea lol, but.. curious nonetheless .. Maybe reblog for bigger sample size but also this is not very serious at all/not worth a call to action gbhjbhjb
#which I know this could be context dependent like.. maybe you'd normally dress up but on a week that#you feel sick you wouldn't or etc. etc. - but I mean.. GENERALLY. in the most general average scenario#where you have the average amount of health and free time that you always do. etc. just based on your personality#and level of investment in these things - what on AVERAGE are you most inclined to do#also of course assume they communicate with you ahead of time and are not like planning a part last minute#like 'throw together costume in 5 hours and show up tonight randomly' or etc. I would hope that if we're going with the#AVERAGE of things - most people's friends have better communication skills than springing entire parties#on people last minute lol#assume you have like.. a few days-a week or so to prepare. however ealrly people usually start talking about#birthdays. In my experience it's usually one or two weeks ahead of time. Like 'oh next weekend' or 'oh two weeks from now' etc.#ANYWAY.. feeling a little Sick again of course but still trying to get some photos or something posted#AGAIN i promise I am not going to exlcusively post polls and ntohing else forever hgkjgnekj#I just really really love the ability to post polls and have always my whole life been obsessed with surveying people#I used to think I wanted to do that as a career somehow like.. be one of the people that does psychological interviews#or produce interview asessments for a company or etc. etc. I am always the one friend in the group thats giving out custom made#surveys or asking for other simialr stuff (did you ever take an mbti quiz? how about enneagra#m?? oh yeah I know they're not really scientifically valid or antyhing but like... DID you take them?? huh?? did you??please?? ghjj)#I simply cannot resist.. posting a little poll every once in a while.. as a treat#whilst I still fall behind on like actual content and costumes and stuff gbjhbjh#New poll adventure should be not as much of a wait as the last one was though since I already have the writing#for it really. I just have to do the ms paint sketch. hopefully no unexpected other health issues will get in the way#*** *** ***#< (anytime I do these three star patterns it is an ocd compulsion not me bleeping out words or something just ignore it lol)#(it means something secret in my evil brain just pretend you do not see it. significant only to me)#BUT YEAH.. ... poll... what type of costume party atendee are you?#:0c
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eggmeralda · 8 months ago
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do you ever feel casually suicidal? like you're not depressed or anything you're doing fine but also it feels like a convenient option
#if you can't make connections with people or be seen by anyone then like. at least you can feel like you're helping a better cause#to like charities and gfms and anyone else#but you have to tone that down bc you're slowly losing money bc you still can't get a job#and bc you don't have a job it means you're just stuck in the house all day. which gives Way Too Much opportunity to Think about everything#and also so like. i still share a room with my sister but it was fine bc she'd stay at her bf's a few nights a week#but he's got a job that's a bit further away and basically she can't go round his as much. so now it's maybe like once a week#the room is getting messier so it gives me less energy to do anything#you can get really into an unhealthy weight loss obsession bc at least it feels like you're getting towards something#but idek is set weight theory real? bc once i get down to a certain point it suddenly resets#like honestly counting calories and donating money to every gfm i saw and writing a film script was what kept me going#but first one isn't working and second i need some sort of income and third is finished and i have no way of actually creating it#and then there's the whole lack of stable hyperfixation and ability to find new music i enjoy#and realistically what would fix me is having a good job that i enjoy and somewhere to live on my own#but until i get a job that's currently impossible. and even then it probably won't feel like enough#my entire life is lived on my phone i need more physical objects but i don't have enough space#bc i share a room with my sister. it's like all my problems are connected#and i have enough optimism that i still think it'll get better in the next few weeks. maybe i'll be able to get a job and that'll#get everything going again#but at the same time i could easily just die#I've graduated from uni. I've seen the who live 3 times. I've crashed my car twice. I've watched 30 years of corrie. I've met various dogs#what else is there to do with my life honestly#(<- joking)#but yeah like. in summer 2021 i almost got suicidal (it was just letting the occasional thought linger in my mind etc)#but that was bc i was so depressed#but now it feels like i could just kill myself. but more just out of convenience#idek. i'm not gonna kill myself. bc i have a job interview on tuesday. and just in general i won't#but there is this casual feeling of like. well i might as well. i can't describe it#ramble#suicide tw#weight loss mention
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skhardwarevers1 · 8 months ago
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holy shit !!!? I totally understood half the words I just heard. Totally. Yup.
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trilobyteme · 2 years ago
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This image is powerful af, but y'all should also look at the rest of Isaac Cordal's works.
They are powerful in a very different way. Most of them highlight a sort of lonely surrender to our little dystopia. A sad silence, beyond what you get in this second picture. But similar nonetheless.
Again, look at the second picture. The bricks. The people are miniature, as I'm sure you noticed. Or at least, if you're the sort of person to have the patience to read the ramblings of my blog, you probably noticed. In my mind it shows again how small we are, especially in comparison to the issues (here, climate change) showcased in Cordal's work. This is a common theme:
vimeo
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keeps-ache · 15 days ago
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getting paid this week
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deus-ex-mona · 7 months ago
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youtube
anyways! it’s herohei hours~~~~~~
#start the new week r i g h t with herohei and nghy!!!!!#truly the ‘everyone supports nghy’ song of all time~~~~~~~~~~~~#waiting for nagisa’s next mv though~~~~~~ i hope ymk illustrates it~~ she hasn’t illustrated any omoiai song mvs after all so~~~~~~#i wanna see nghy in ymk’s artstyle again… they were s o o o o o cute on the sukiitai album cover#manifesting a nghy duet for the next album (delusional) what if it’s called ‘heroine and prince’. or even ‘heroine and chef’. w h a t then#let lxl be nghy’s fairy godmother in this trying time p l s im beggingngng those two idiots are obsessed with nagisa lmao#still thinking about that interview post-1st izumo collab where they talked about how they successfully converted nagisa into their fan#‘nagisa def became our fan. no doubt about it.’ ‘let’s confirm it with him when we next meet him’ ok losers#w a i t (cursed) what if nghy’s first duet turns out to be them going on a date to a lxl concert in their uni arc—#we already have toxic yuri julieta x julieta (chuucon) s o we can totally have childhood friends julieta x julieta too in nghy r i g h t —#though help i think a nagisa solo about a mundane ‘im a loyal sicks… b u t i now have julieta tendencies and i h a t e it help’ crisis#would be very v e r y funny too. j. just imagine him picturing himself being princess carried by aizo despite being like. 10cm taller. l o l#…what am i even thinking how did i go from herohei to nagisa julieta crisis.#(alsooooo being toxic on main w o r k e d lmfaoooooo i haven’t seen hiyoship twt discourse in the hours since i posted it)#h a p p y l u c k y s m i l e h o o r a y ~ !#ig big brother truly is 👁️watching👁️ but hey my dash is purged so im not complainin~~~~~~#anyways!!!!!! herohei and its nghy uni arc hints triumphs all!!! enjoy your week ok byeeeee#the dude from gamushara
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boomerang109 · 10 months ago
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i've felt awful all morning and i just had a full meal and suddenly i feel better? crazy how this adulting thing works
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foxmulderautism · 1 year ago
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also woke up to a very sweet ask about my writing (i have no idea if the person will see this post but like it did make my morning) which made me look at old writing I’ve posted and be like omgggg wait this IS good but also made me have had a minor epiphany where i was like maybe i don’t think my writing is bad after posting and at that point im just like used to it 👍 the whole experiencing a piece from a writers pov vs a readers it’s like embroidery where the writer will see what all those threads look like underneath the image itself 👍like yeah this moment i wrote the other day was really emotional but it’s not as emotional anymore not because it was ever not emotional but bc i have read it like ten times 👍
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obeymeow · 2 years ago
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being neurodivergent is all fun and games until you remember those hourly quote bots on twitter and think well maybe I can't make a bot anymore but I could schedule a few quotes a day, that shouldn't be hard. it sounds fun to have a bunch of quotes of my favorite character Thirteen from hit mobile game Obey Me! and its sequel Obey Me! Nightbringer. and then you think about how arduous collecting the quotes is going to be but she's only been in the games for maybe a year and a half with little screentime and you love collecting things so you start but then you remember that you love collecting things so naturally you have ALL of her screentime in the game and suddenly you have 45k characters of quotes and are several lessons into season 4 (which is truly a trial in and of itself) but not nearly close enough to the end but you refuse to just stop collecting the quotes and make the account with the EXCESS of what you have already because you literally only have season 4 to get through and if you don't do it just seeing the bot (because now you've been informed you can make tumblr bots instead) will haunt you with that knowledge even if nobody else would ever know. this is a general anecdote of a situation that could easily happen to anyone though and not in any way related to my life
#obey me on side#ummm i don't have a personal tag yet because i hated looking at this blog before the revamp so i'll do that later#with the carrd. usually when i say i'll do something later it means sometime in the next 3 years but i actually mean this one#but rn there's no way to tell i'm a lesbian (except for the thirteen icon. + probably also the ruri-chan banner she's lesbian colors)#okay maybe you can tell but I want to be CLEAR#anyway i would also like to note that immediately before starting this project i spent a full week lamenting my lack of free time#because I wanted to write some fics. and then literally as soon as i got free time I went um. no. quote doc instead I think#????? girl why did you do that to yourself#fortunately i'm now bored of reading s4 so i can go back to writing#unrelated but all of these fics contain a significant amount of solomon and i like him that's not surprising but it was unintentional#which IS surprising. like okay one of them is about solodeus (specifically mc playing matchmaker so i don't clickbait) so that's obligatory#and another is based off of the new solomon card (IT'S CUTE) so that's also kind of obligatory#(the third one is based off of luke's card from the dnd nightmare a while back because i was entranced by its strange unbalanced party)#but usually i try to switch up the characters i write about to get comfy with all of them and not just the ones that make sense to me#that's not entirely accurate it's my one braincell bouncing around like a windows screensaver picking a new fave every time it hits a side#but also to get used to writing them all. anyway#i'll just write about satan to balance it he's always been a fav but i am obsessed with him in nightbringer he is so offputting and tragic#if you're still reading these tags please see above on th 'later is up to three years' in regards to the fics still haven't posted anything#hoping to change that soon though I WILL eventually.
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jvzebel-x · 2 years ago
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🦋
#im seeing a new psychiatrist next week.#&when i prep for specifically these types of appts its really important for me to like. sit. w myself. &bleed lmao.#metaphorically. of course. lmao.#but its a process thats important to me bc like. i dont. want to go into an appt like this unsure about my goals#&ESP unsure about what about me i. dont want. to give up. defective or not. something can only be a mistake if it isnt useful.#whether its a cause or effect or nature or nurture doesnt matter in the end. theory isnt relevant when talking about actual impact#except for comparison which is ultimately the goal w these periods: me now vs me post-intake lmao. what makes me. idk. me?#what cant i live without? what cant i live with? what am i willing to have diagnosed&dissected&medicated?#the new doc is bc this Bad mania stint has been. bad. lmao. &it isnt making it easy to see myself thru a lense#that isnt super fucked up&broken. idk if im thinking too highly of myself or being too self depricating.#idk if anything is worth keeping if the goal is supposed to be. settling? i dont think im made to settle lmao.#my physical health would probably be a lot easier to manage if i wasnt. oh. batshit insane. lmao. so i cant fault the hypothetical.#but also i dont think i was. made. to settle. lmao. the anxiety i get when my skin feels too tight is too big a part of me.#idk who i would be without the constant. hunger. lmao.#i feel absolutely everything in extremes. obsession is like. my default setting. its also what i operate best at.#both my fear&my hope is having that. disappear. having the intensity simmer down permanently.#i am. ravenous. lmao. i can never describe this constant. feeling. w/o referencing v specifically hunger. lmao.#i know it probably isn't like. healthy. lmao. but this feeling of. intensity. that makes up like the backbone of my whole personality.#when its gone i feel. nothing lmao.#maybe its bc ive overloaded myself so much that not feeling EVERYTHING feels like not feeling. anything. lmao.#maybe its bc i. dont want. to go back on lithium.#i dont like. who it makes me. or the fact that it comes out at times like these where its easier to knock me out than deal w me#so they inadvertantly make it impossible for me to do the evisceration i need to get myself back together. lmao.#also i just. dont like not feeling. lmao.#this glorification of coldness&apathy&individualism to the point of toxicity is so. boring. to me. lmao.#i dont want to not feel. i would rather feel everything than nothing. i would keep my obsessive personality&my obnoxious intensity#if it was a choice between that or floating in a constant state of half disassociation where it isnt even worth my time#to go out&find trouble&be my favourite type of selfdestructive. lmao.#im rambling&also being horrifically overdramatic lmao. if i survived one round of the stuff i can sure as fuck survive more.#... i just would prefer not to. lmao.
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lostwanderer42 · 7 days ago
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Brain unlocked new obsessions and compulsions ugh
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seenthisepisode · 10 months ago
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#i feel like i am having some kind of a crisis. first of all i got sick AGAIN so i am at home coughing and not being able to breathe because#my nose is completely useless right now. the good part is i am on a sick leave so at least no work for three days yeah . but then i have#shifts on saturday and sunday which sucks BUT at least they are morning shifts which means i will be at home by 3.30 pm BUT that means#waking up before 6 am which again SUCKS but at least i don't have to be at work till 10 pm. so there is that. also i will have the next wee#off completely :)) which is fantastic news excpt. we were supposed to travel somewhere (me and my mom ) but we didn't manage to plan#anything so i will most likely stay at home and feel like i am wasting my free time which will make me feel guilty as fuck and not enjoy th#free time because this is ow my mind works and the stress i feel because of it? it's eating me from the inside like i literally can't focus#on ANYTHING because i already stress about wasting my next week. literally someone call a psychiatrist#also we didn't plan anything because the money needs to be saved for. my wedding. so there is a good reason why but that reason?#ANOTHER REASON FOR STRESS. i have been avoiding thinking about it seriously because once i start i will obsess over it and won't sleep#anyway. i have a wedding day coming in 2 months and i feel useless and completely out of control. head in hands.#also i won't be able to attend purcon in may which sucks but i need to sell the ticket because i already lost so much money on crossroads#that i also didn't attend only bought tickets impulsively last year so i want to avoid that happening again which means i have to like#sell them which is this whole thing that is also stressing me out. also i need to do the taxes . another stress factor#i was not meant for this life i was meant to live in a tent by the mountain lake i swear to god#personal
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