#and now i cant even live in peace normally even if i were able to 'fix' everything so much of this is permanent and degenerative

[samwisefamgee]

how does this week keep getting worse wtf

[lostonmyroad]

Moments That I Want Tattooed On My Forehead From S-Classes That I Raised Chapters 50-70

As always, BEWARE OF SPOILERS!!! Future chapters may be referenced!!!

The insane amount of lore dropped in these chapters wow

Chapters 50-60

help its genuinely still so funny to see yoojin in the early chapters going: “all i have to do is complete this one (1) task and then i can live like a slacker” before he gives up (cries in cale henituse)

everyone referring to yoojin as “monster daddy” and asking him to raise their children is amazing. no notes 

ARRIVAL OF THE KING SUNG HYUNJAE!!! He's a bastard he's amazing he's always on my mind

"...no matter how amazing Sung Hyunjae might be, he wouldn't be able to notice it easily. He wouldn't press his nose against my body and smell me, like my idiot brother had, would he" um. ok??? yoojin's completely normal though process

sung hyunjae essentially telling yoojin “aren’t you tired of being nice? don’t you want to go apeshit” within 5 minutes of their first real conversation

i forgot shj gives him a pair of earrings!! (and a bone for Peace)

yoojin’s disguise to get to the f rank dungeon being a fucking sun protection hat…it’s giving marvel baseball cap and sunglasses…and he has this because he used to stage one man protests??? sir what were you protesting against

oh that’s right the dungeons will appear at a faster rate because “time was only reversed for yoojin” oops

Chirpie makes its debut!!

yoojin trying to hide where he got chirpie from “i found it in the hallway”. king if yoohyun wasn’t suspicious of you already that would do it

yoohyun yeeting Peace and mama yoojin scolding him

chef myungwoo :))

bleh bug dungeon. i’m with you yoojin that was disgusting

yoojin not wanting to use Last Repayment :((

Riette makes an entrance! do you think riette demonstrated girl power when she abused her brother until he became an s rank

yoojin thinking about how he had raised yoohyun and was so happy about sending him to college…saving money for his tuition…and just losing interest in riette :((

yoojin saves bak hayool!!

this is where we see peak yoojin mafia behavior. unhinged. but justified revenge?? this is why i don’t understand fan interpretations where he’s like a wallflower like this man has murdered multiple people quite violently 

chapter 60 is just so much. like. i cant even describe. yoojin you need so much therapy

the way he sees people’s last memories before they die ugh…

yoojin playing 3D chess while everyone else is playing checkers fr

him calling his friend who doesn’t remember him bc of the regression and telling them to live a happy life always gets me ufffff i wish we got to meet this character

Chapters 60-70

Yoojin and the Awakening center — a tragedy in the making. Pre-regression trauma galore

The Association rears its ugly head!!! Yoojin has an authority figure problem (but it’s completely justified)

love how chill Yoojin is about Chirpie. random F rank monster that’s cute as hell that’s eating Peace's weight in magic stones and was born from an error in the system??? ehh no big deal it’s my pet now and i’ll kill for it

love the absolutely random detail about seok hayan’s pineapple earrings. thank you geunseo you know what the people want

yoojin funding public research!! hero of the people and my heart

yerim refusing to praise yoohyun and myeongwoo to their faces hahahaha. all of them petty as hell

MYUNGWOO GETS HIS SS RANK SKILL BABYYYY

yoojin still trying to protect myungwoo i love them

yoojin: *is keeping secrets from yoohyun and putting himself in danger*

also yoojin: why is yoohyun being cold with me

everyone’s giving yoojin flowers today lmfao

sung hyunjae you’re everything to me. you’re so bizzare. the bouquet??? showing up in a 2-seater car?? bullying seok simyeong??

Shj reminding Yoojin to wear his seatbelt because he's an F rank HDJEKXIDKD

oh yoojin. “who’d want to place themselves through hardships on purpose” like SIR are u that un self aware

yerim listening to this bullshit, eyes falling out of her head: i’m literally going to crazy murder you with yoohyun

the dungeon ppl have the actual worst timing. yoohyun is going to McFreaking lose it

yoojin and yoohyun finally work things out we love to see it :))

chapter 65 starts the explanation of the 50 s ranks requirement!!! water droplet is going through it

so much is just casually dropped in this chapter like. yoohyun is a born s rank! the dungeon ppl are manually inputting things for yoojin! the world might end! anyways!

yoojin having such strong mom energy that the dungeon people forgot he was a dude

one of the moments ever when yoohyun and Peace burn down the dungeon in worry and yoojin’s just there like. ah. shit. my bad i fucked up there a little

grown up Peace my beloved

chapter 67 yoohyun my beloved. you are so crazy. “hold still while i chop off your arm and fake your dear so i can keep you safe” 

the han brothers finally having a real conversation. yoojin i love you but you really needed to do this sooner

PEACE STAYING SMALL JUST SO YOOJIN CAN PICK HIM UP UWAHHHH MY HEART

Newcomer joins the battle

Chirpie turnin on the TV by itself and yoojin praising it like every proud parent ever

more monsters!!!

unicorns (white + black bc yoojin is terrible at naming) + gryphon (named Blue)

yoojin’s training method of using himself as a human chew toy is traumatizing for everyone around him.

same hyuna i would also be taking 10939392 photos

Peace and Blue WWE match. flex on em Peace

nobody:

yoojin: wow myeongwoo is hot now

BLUE LEARNING HOW TO OPEN THE FRIDGE

i love the monster shenanigans

[jackmanbj]

is that ight?

an: hi guys! im back hopefully for long and just wanna say that this is something that didnt take me long to write because i wanted it to be kinda short for my little return!🤭

summary: jack is ranting to you about his problems and your trying your best to help him not wanting him to give up on anything.

jack had just got home from the studio, his eyes were baggy and his hair was messy.

you were sitting on the sofa waiting for jack, even though it was two in the morning.

“jack hun you look tired…”

“just a little, lets go to bed” jack didnt wait for a response and he started walking upstairs and heading to the bedroom while you followed behind

at first, jack didnt even bother taking off his clothes, being to tired to even more after he sat on the bed “jack hun.. i know you’re tired but you need to undress” you say taking off his jacket

jack groans but eventually start undressing, he keeps on his wife-beater and boxers on and lays down

you pull him on top of you, his head resting on your chest as you scratch his scalp lightly

—

the next morning when you woke up, jack was already getting ready to go to the studio

“jack.. your overworked, stay home”

“i cant—im on a high right now! my new song just got higher then first class, everyone’s still expecting me to make new music and i cant take any days off, not right now at least maybe in a few weeks”

“jack you need a break..” “well i want to be able to spoil you and i cant do that if i keep taking breaks” “keep taking breaks? baby.. this would be your first break in four weeks.. sit down” you say patting the bed as you sit up

“why do you feel like that?”

no airports and no flights thats how i wanna live my life, is that ight?

“i—i dont even know.. i just feel like i need to work or everything i have is gonna come crashing down.. like everything i worked for is gonna fall apart, i dont even care about all the cars, and the jewelry.. but i want just a little but even with just a little i feel like im wasting so much”

no sport cars and no ice, okay maybe a little ice, we all got a lil’ vice

“jack hun.. you can want everything in the world and you can get it if you can afford it—wanting something and getting it doesn’t mean that your overdoing it, you see people with seven cars but they can get them because they like them, not because they want to have fame for it”

“but i feel like sometimes its to much, and theres even more to it.. sometimes i hate when fans come up to me and want a whole lot of pictures, i dont mind saying hi or asking for one picture but they keep going and i also feel like me and some of the pg are falling out because of me working so much we dont talk alot…”

no selfies just say hi, im so healthy and alive 4L we them same guys equity for my dogs only time you see gang signs.

“jack not wanting people to come up to you a lot is normal it doesn’t make you a bad person and it shouldn’t make you feel bad, not everyone likes that.. and people lose friends, but if its pg dont you think you should schedule a meet up for all of you, or most of you to hang out and catch up?”

jack shifts his body, not facing you anymore “i want to, i do i wanna hang out with them and i want to stay strong with them but also i dont want to stop my working and my music for it”

im looking to change lives i already changed mine

you take his face in your hands making him face you again “jack people have to move on with there lives sometimes.. everyone cant just wait for inspiration they just have to take a chance, lots of people are impatient and want you to release music or your opinion or what you think when they want it..”

the times not stop waiting for the inspiration, they say its a flaw being impatient but…

jack huffs “ok..okay ill take a break from working.. ill take a week long break and ill set boundaries with fans and ill talk to pg..”

i just want peace i dont want no smoke

[thequietkid-moonie]

Violet Evergarden with a reader who used to fight against her on the enemy side during the war and hc’s about

How they meet again, what do they think of each other at first, how they fall in love with each other, and how they get together please.

Falling in love with an ex soldier enemy

[ ONE-SHOT ] [ Violent Evergarden ]

I started to watch the anime again because i want to see the movies now too and brooooo I being crying a loooot!!!

Also, i think i made a really good job with this one, I think is cute and fluffy (also, maybe a little bit too cheesy but you cant blame me! im a hopless romantic!) ❤️ I hope you like it as much as I did writing it!

After the war finished Violet was finally able to live her life, learning to be just herself and not a weapon for the war. Her job as auto memory doll give her the opportunity to truly enjoy the life and even meet new people

A war is a really cruel and infortunate event, is quite common to people who lived in any of the countries that are involved try to move to another in hopes to get a better quality of life, either during the was or even after the war finished since the aftermath of the war is just as cruel as the war itself. It doesn't matter the military rank you used to have, no matter how much battles you were in or the horrors you you had to witness, the important is that is over and now you can try and have a peaceful life, try to forget all that happened

You two meeting was a mere coincidence, you two only constantly meet while walking the same streets in your way to work, even if it was a small stretch of the road you two always saw each other

Because of Violet's personality the only way you two will met and actively see each other has to be because you two see each other constantly and you start talking to her, honestly a simple greeting everyday, like telling her just a good morning everytime you cross paths or even just wishing her a good day is more than enough to make an impact on her, if it happens everyday it becomes part of her day to the point when if you ever go missing one day Violet will get a little worried and may even wait for a moment in the point where you two usually met in hopes that you are just running a little late

It take a while but at some point Violet herself will try to start a conversation because now she wants to talk more with you, she doesn't really get why but now she now is more curious and want to get to know you a little more, even if your conversations are just about how pretty the day is or wishing you luck for the day, or even Violet giving you advice for something trivial you commented without thinking much but that she have take too serious, it take a long time but your friendship bloom like the prettiest flower, it was small and probably base on small interactions, but for both it was truly meaningful

When you two are together, talking about the most trivial things in the world, even if is just for a few minutes both can feel like if you two were just normal people, as if your life doesn't have a trail of blood behind you, as if you have being like this always, those minutes together is a simple moment of peace, even if non of you were already used to a simple civilian life or are still hunted by the past, all of that is ereased for the few moments when you two stop to greet each other

The feelings grow slowly, just like your friendship, it take a while to pass from a simple feeling of comfortness to love, with her new life it came new people, new places and new feelings, what she feels for you is completely diferent from what she felt for the major, but at the same time holds the same meaning and intensity, you aren't all she has now but she knows she wants to be with you, and even if the feeling is similar she still need time to understand her feelings

Everyone in CH Postal Company can notice the change on Violet, is small and invisible for anyone who doesn't know her enough, but for them is almost obvious that there is something that is making her really happy, and, honestly, everyone is happy for her, cheering for her to don't lose what makes her happy (and, also, trying to pry on her to get to know what it is, specially if is someone)

Ex soldiers tent to have a slow recovery and has problems to readapt to live a normal life, but since you two share the same past then you two can understand the heavy burden that it represents without even knowing, both can go as as slowly as you need because the other need to go to the same rythm, agreeding without even having to say it

Despite not having a problem with talking about it, Violet has never told you that she used to be a soldier just because the topic never came to the conversation, but at some point one of you end up sliping a comment about your past, about the war in a perspective that only a soldier could have, and just with that simple comment both understand that you two share the same past, but with a little more talking, even if one of you just say small coments quickly you two realice that both were fighting on diferent sides

After that is almost as if your relationship have broke, non of you could mutter any other word because it simple doesn't leave your mouth, non of you were even able to see each other again without looking away troubled, not because you were enemies but because of the insecurity and the shame, both have their hands dirt with blood of innocent, both of you feel ashame of what you had to do because of the orders of your superiors, both undestand what it is to be hunted by the pain in your hearts because of the screams and the relentless terrors of the battlefield, but also both share the same feeling that trouble your hearts how am I supouse to look at you after what I have done to your people?

Violet return to be reserved and quite, ashame of her actions on the war and shutting herself, returning to just do her job and trying to easy her mind with all the insecurities, she tries to don't stuck her mind on what happened but her heart hurts, she feels like she is losing you just like she lost the major, even more when she doesn't greet you on your usual spot anymore or whenever she sees you walking with your head down to don't look at her

After a while Violet pass from feeling ashame to be more curious about you again, she constantly catch herself thinking on you, wondering if you have nightmares about being in the battlefield too, wondering if your body also have the scars of the war, if you also feel this heavy burden in her heart and mind for all those you had to kill, if you were also only used as a weapon for the war

After a long time, and some reasurance of her friends (who tries to comfort her without even knowing what happened since Violet doesn't really want to share it with anyone) she finally decides that she wants to know the answer of all those questions, she wants to know how you feel, what you feel, and most important, she now understand that she doesn't want to lose you, so with determination she imediatly take her typewriter and did what she thinks is the best for now, write you a letter

The very next day of writing the letter she waited patiently in the spot where you used to met, even making sure she get there early so she don't miss you out, standing in front of you once you appear she introduce herself as the auto memory doll and give you the letter, just saying that someone have send it to you before saying bye and going to her work. The letter was from herself and express all the worries and sadness that has being bugging her, all her feelings and the fear she has of losing you, of losing what you two had, even making clear that she still doesn't understand what she truly feel for you but she is sure that she doesn't want to lose you

Later that day, Violet recived a special commission, someone that came to CH Postal Company and asked for her services to write an answer of a letter that has recived recently, you were there to answer her letter with another letter, expressing your own worries and what bugged you, but also that you have missed her all this days you couldn't even look at her at her face, admiting that the idea of losing her break your heart and that you hope you two could continue where you left it

After this your relasionship started again, but this time with more strenght, now that you two know that you can understand each other better you can apreciate your friendship even more, and even if you two were taking your time it wouldn't take much time before relice that this relationship were more than a simple friendship, it holds more value and meaning, the feeling are more stronge anc comforting to be just a simple friendship

[cohandshake]

I’m aware that this is going to be a horrendously unpopular opinion—which is why I’m doing it on a dead side blog rather than my main

I honestly don’t understand people who listen to artists whose whole shtick is “I’m an awful person and everyone I know leaves me because I use and abuse them”, and then are shocked when the artist turns out to be an awful abusive person. Like, what were you expecting?

I keep seeing all these people saying “well, how was I supposed to know he was bad? How was I supposed to be able to tell?” And then they’re all like “ohhh woe is me, I can’t believe I loved these albums! I’m going to have to get rid of all this stuff I got and completely rearrange my whole life!” Like??? If you liked the songs so much that your whole room is plastered with posters and merch… surely you listened to the lyrics??? At no point was he ever trying to hide the fact he’s like this, it’s all over his songs.

One thing that also gets me, it’s that everyone is now like “if you support or like his stuff you’re a terrible person” and like. That’s valid. But YOU liked his stuff where he made no qualms or effort to hide this, before. Does no one have any kind of critical thought? Like, when you hear the lyrics, you just think “oh yeah, this is a totally normal line” and move on? To say that “oh he tricked all of us into listening and liking his stuff and being a rabid fan”, like you weren’t tricked. The only trick he played was being a “hot guy online” that everyone seemingly collectively decided was great because of that.

or is it being faced with the actuality that’s horrifying? by your own logic, you’re also just as complicit. — this isn’t to say that I don’t understand standing in solidarity with victims that have spoken out, and the purging of his work being part of that. I just think it’s a little hypocritical to get on your high-horses and say everyone is a peace of shit if they don’t immediately disavow his stuff, since the signs have been there from the start.

And this also isn’t to say that I didn’t like his music. I did and I do. In fact, I only know of him BECAUSE of his music (I found him when he was still covering pat the bunny and wingnut dishwashers union). I’ve had no illusions of him being a good guy, and still consumed his work— did I know just what kind of piece of shit he was? No. Maybe because I’ve only known him for his music that makes me so critical of most of the reactions. I didn’t have the chance to be pulled in by a “nice guy act” online like so many people seemingly have.

Speaking of his online personas, it does make me wonder how no one apparently thought he was bad before this? Like I’ve read some fics (not enjoying Minecraft doesn’t mean the fics aren’t good) and people generally and routinely portrayed him as this manipulative, erratic, controlling guy — even when writing him as the good guy, they still always included elements of these personality traits in the work. And now, I see artist after artist discontinuing and deleting works (and if this is what makes them feel better, fair play) saying that “they cant continue writing/drawing his character now they know the truth about him” but at the same time they were always so vocal about “I write about the c! not the cc!” Like if you were truly separating the character from the actor, would so many of you be speaking this way? Looking at the rampant amount of Harry Potter fanfics (not even starting on the manacled debacle), then no — the artist and the work are only connected when it’s live action amateurs.

And also, if you’re THIS distraught over some guy YOU DONT KNOW turning out to be terrible, get some help, that’s not normal i don’t think — or it shouldn’t be, the internet and social media has normalized being strangely attached to strangers and celebrities that you otherwise wouldn’t be.

[boba-tea-addict-1004]

🍃🎐War is over🎐🍃

What happened to the swordsmith trio after Muzan was defeated

(inspired by the post made by @leepotp

This is my first tumbler fic so don't come for me please!

i plan to do a more slice of life type thing so there really wont be any ongoing plot, just our sword husbands trying to adjust to a normal way of living.

Art in here also done by @leepotp so give them some love

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

time had passed since the final battle yet at the same time it felt like nothing has really changed. i mean sure, now that the demon king was gone and so were the demons there was no need to make swords.... so.... what now?

********************************************************************

It was morning and the smell of something meaty was cooking. The windchimes swayed in the soft breeze making it’s signature ding, ding, ding noise. Even so there was little to no reason for him to want to get up. He didn’t have work, then again... none of them did. Kozo was also unemployed but they seemed to be doing fine and Kotestu wasn’t a true swordsmith so there wasn’t really any reason for him to be like this either…. So then why him? Hotaru had only one goal in life and one purpose. Swords. He had no wife and no other friends than Kanamori the fact he put up with him for so long still baffled him... the wife part was a mixed reason, but you can assume what that other reason is. No girl ever piqued his interest in that way, he was fine with that though... in his mind he had someone better.

'Seriously?' he thought

he groaned softly stretching as the sun's rays hit his eyes and his senses began to fully wake.

his eyes opened to the swaying wind chime. it was a gift from tanjiro from making his sword that helped in the final battle. along with it was a note that said 'Thank you, for being the best swordsmith and everything. (P.s.) and thank you for not killing me'

too and frow... calm and soothing. he never did take time to appreciate the quiet before. none of them did. he let out a soft sigh. he was thinking a bit. he thought about all that's happened up to this point, his life, his goal, friends?

however his train of thought was interrupted by the sound of a slight giggle "Morning Hotaru"

Hotaru then rolled over still half asleep muttered "were you just watching me the whole time?"

Kozo leaned his head on his palm making that stupid cute face, Hotaru adored it. "i didn't want to disturb you, besides you looked so peaceful" he smiled slightly. Hotaru then rubbed his eyelids softly then kissed the forehead of his partner. hotaru then remembered the smell "if your here though, then who's cooking?"

Kozo ruffled his hair "Kotetsu insisted on making us breakfast"

"really? after last night's disaster?"

he let out a slight nervous chuckle "i helped him out a bit this time"

Hotaru then sighed getting up and stretching a bit more then looked outside. he paused for a minute then looked back at Kozo "do you... ever miss... the way things were? i mean... do you miss..."

"Feeling needed... maybe a little... but... now we can focus on life, we can do everything we were never able to do before" Kozo hugged him from behind then smiled "plus... i can see your face every day now."

Hotaru nodded then let out a soft sigh "i cant believe it though... it's really the end of an era"

Kozo nodded "but... in every era... it makes room for something new.. you can loom back as much as you wish but.. all i ask is you don't miss what's in front of you, okay?"

Hotaru then smiled "when did i get so lucky to end up with someone like you"

"well, you had to, who else would put up with your yelling" he chuckled softly

(end)

[hadesoftheladies]

sure, the agony of awareness of how wide and vast and deep misogyny goes and the betrayal of the trusted men in your life is painful when it comes to radical feminism. the awareness of the brutalization and violence women and girls face around the world is devastating 100%

but it’s so so worth it for the POWER that you get. knowledge is power. it’s like how menacing shapes in a shadowy room look until you turn on the lights. once you know what it is, you’re just less scared of it.

I’m way more wary of men but I’m also way less scared of them. The evil in the world is no longer a mysterious metaphysical force. I know where the oppression, war, and savagery are coming from. I know why it works like this. Knowing why men and society behave how they do also makes anticipating individual’s actions and cultural shifts easier. I’m not afraid of the future. I’m not uncertain and I’m not unsure about myself.

Women and girls are gaslit from day one about what it means to be a woman under patriarchy. But radical feminism cleared the noise from my head until I could see my experiences clearly. My memories were less fractured, my thinking less scattered, because I recognized how REAL my experiences were and how accurate my impressions of them were. it’s like the pieces are now a whole. My mind is now quieter, with less noise. I can think clearer, which means I can’t be easily bullshitted.

Also, for all the atrocities I’m now aware of, I’m also far from hopeless. I mean, I’ve given up on men. I don’t think they’ll be normal or well adjusted for many more generations way past my lifetime, but I also 100% believe that women and girls don’t have to wait until then to create for themselves lives full of joy, love and freedom. I do think we gain freedom, even in the face of pushback. The funny thing is, the more men try to punish women for resisting, the more aware other women and girls become, the more fuel is added to the resistance. consciousness-raising is probably higher than it’s ever been because of the internet and globalization. women everywhere are able to talk to each other way more about our experiences. men simply can’t keep punishing that without getting pushback. and they can’t kill us all because they’re angry :), they need us more than we’ll ever need them. can’t kill us without killing themselves.

Idk it’s like I’ve gotten rid of the viruses and now things are running better. No makeup, no self-policing, no pressure to conform to femininity, knowing where all the societal disapproval is coming from . . . Less mental distortions and less self-esteem issues and more confidence and more inner peace and more energy and hope than ever. Because im not intimidated by the threat anymore. the lights are on. it’s just a man-made fluke that will not survive the sweeping of time. it’s a sociological contagion, not destiny. It cant hold up forever. It’s breakable. Not in this context, anyways. Men are as malleable as mud in a stream. Programmable. They’re human beings, and like all things change and erode.

Total liberation won’t happen in my lifetime, but you know what is happening in my lifetime? Women and girls dancing to their favorite music. Falling in love, going out to eat their favorite foods and watch their favorite movies, bonding over experiences and memes, screaming at concerts, trying new things whether or not they’re male dominated, going to the gymn and arm wrestling, playing football and learning kung fu, getting paid for art exhibits, creating music that lives in the heads of billions, writing amazing stories that get distributed far and wide, getting kissed and nuzzled by animals, driving fast cars and racing on motorcycles, cutting up their clothes, getting that pregnancy terminated and living free of dread, ditching their wedding gowns and going to the club, making the people around them laugh their ribs sore, healing the past, moving forward as they’ve always done . . .

women in my lifetime are still oppressed. but that hasn’t stopped them from creating so much beauty and joy out of the time they’ve been given.

and im not just hopeful for a better future. im hopeful that women and girls alive today will experience immense joy and inner peace regardless of their past in their lifetime. and that dream comes true every new day.

[xoxotrailerparkprincess]

⋆⭒˚｡⋆Smoking We3d HCs with the Jeff, toby and Nina ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

(Headcanons)

╔══════════════════╗

JEFF THE KILLER ִ ࣪𖤐◞ ꙳ ๋࣭ ⭑ `

-IDK why but you cant convince me this man is not CONSTANTLY getting high...

-I could see him abusing substances "just because he can" and not using them because of actual stress and pain in his life.

-Maybe its just because his whole vibe is a careless emo metalhead, and by "careless" that literally means that he doesn't care about hygiene, people around him, what people think of him, his reputation etc...

-And that exact carelessness and attitude is why i think he would just shamelessly be smoking around the mansion until someone yells at him for it

-Then he saw you, seeming to be intrigued by you, weather its because you reciprocated the same carelessness or not, either way this man wanted you, so he was gonna get you.

-He finds you in your room in the mansion, listening to music on your bed when he just outright hands you one of his blunts

(And no hes not gonna inform you that he rolled an extra one just for youᐢᗜᐢ)

-He then asks if u wanted to go out onto the balcony, into the forest, or just in the house somewhere quiet because he wanted some peace with you (which wasn't normal for him since he's always yapping or always angry and creating chaos)

-Even though it may not seem like it because its jeff were talking about, you'll soon realize that he just genuinely wants to figure out more about you. Hes intrigued by you and found you interesting.

╔══════════════════╗

TICCI TOBY ˗ˏ�� ★ ˎˊ˗

-Now this boy is a little bit more...well...awkward and timid than jeff is. Hes not completely outright careless like jeff, but he definitely has grown used to the often-biased opinions of the fellow pastas and has taught himself not to care.

-I can totally see him smoking on the couch watching the news, or most of the time i can just see him smoking in his room. He gets to be alone, AND he gets to smoke so its pretty much a double bonus!

-But then when he started noticing you more, weather its because you just arrived at the mansion or not, he knew something was up with you and he was determined to find out.

-I can literally see this man promising himself to figure you out completely.

-He soon realizes that he shouldn't be so uptight because you seem like a pretty chill person, so toby trying to psychoanalyze you maybe wasn't his best route is he wanted to talk to you

-He eventually worked up enough courage to walk up to you straight up, because he concluded that the only way a guy like him (Socially awkward and sometimes looking meaner than he is) would be able to approach someone like you was to literally just approach them, and not staring intensely at them from afar

-He came up to you, finally approaching you, and you were welcoming to him, something he didn't fully know if he was expecting. He got immediate good vibes from you.

-He asked you to go out into the forest with him for some peace and quiet, and then offered you a smoke to just brighten both of your days in that god forsaken mansion and the hell-hole lives you both live.

-In that way, he's very much different than jeff. He abuses substances either to feel something, or to numb the pain that's inside of him. He genuinely feels like he needs them to live, like he aches whenever he goes without them, without the stress relief. And he didn't bring you into it "just because you guys could", he genuinely noticed your anxiety and stress and wanted to help out.

╔══════════════════╗

NINA THE KILLER⋆♱✮♱⋆

-Nina is actually just such a girl boss that she looks good and aesthetic doing anything, so obviously our fashion icon is gonna look hot while forming addictions...!

-No but on a more serious note, i feel like this isn't something she does routinely like Jeff and toby, but a once in a while thing, an event that proposes itself on occasion every now and then.

-I feel like she would be the type to say smth like "Addiction is so not hot" or something along the lines of that (SHES SO COOL STOP)

-I feel like if Shes having a party, if its a holiday, or sometimes when she's hanging with you shell bring out the stash and shell make sure that you both enjoy yourselves

-I definitely feel like she was the first one to approach you when you first arrived at the mansion, due to her bubbly personality and love for friends

-Be expecting sleepovers where you binge eat yummy snacks and ice cream, watch horror movies, get high and give each other scene/emo makeovers.

-Weather Shes your best friend, or your girlfriend, Shes the best person to hang around in my opinion (Maybe I'm being biased idc Shes such a scenemo girlboss i can't help it)

[scrunkliies]

And then there were two | Scaramouche x Traveller! Reader

▶ Summary: he had spent a lot of his life alone, choosing to travel Teyvat without anyone to slow him down… that is, until he met you. And now he's stuck with you. Scaramouche x Traveller! Reader in which you ask him to travel with you

▶ Warnings; slight angst? Mostly fluff (: 

▶ Note; Scara joins your team! use of his name Scaramouche. I really can't imagine calling him anything other than that or kunikuzushi/kuni lol

I want to write more about him traveling with the reader, but idk where to go from here 😭

His head was full; not with some sort of aliment specific to Sumeru — Scaramouche wasn’t sure if he even had the ability to become sick. No. His head was full from the recent events that transpired only short of a month ago from this very moment. His head was surely spinning. Everything he worked toward came crumbling down for a fourth time within, what seemed like, a blink of an eye. His plan to ascend to godhood was yet again ripped from his feeble hands. It gave him a headache — it made his heart ache. 

Did he have one? Did he have one now? 

Before being able to process the ramifications of his actions, he was thrusted into a new life thanks to the Dendro Archon. It made his head spin. He was nurtured from weakness to health and was blessed with an anemo vision. Surely it was a mistake. A vision? For him? Were the gods only pitying him in his ridiculous attempt to become one? Or did he deserve one?

He was confused, so he left. No sooner than he was able to stand on his two feet, he left his temporary sanctuary to clear his head. He didn’t have the heart to fully leave Sumeru; he just needed some space, and the archon knew that. So she let him wander. He was blessed with a new life and it was up to him on how it should be lived. 

Which led him to where he was now. He stood atop a grandiose waterfall on the outskirts of Sumeru city. The view was quite astonishing. He had many times to savor beautiful scenery like this, however he found it pointless in his past-life. Now there was time to take moments like these in. There was a gentle breeze; all was calm — save from the rushing of the water and the soft chimes from ornate accessories he adorned on his outfit. It was peaceful, and for the first time in his life, or what it seemed like, he took a breath. 

“You cant run from your problems forever, you know.” You suddenly spoke, breaking him from his thoughts. There was a hint of playfulness in your tone. You slow approached him, taking in his figure peering out over the landscape. It was odd to see him so tranquil. 

“Yeah? And what if you’re the problem im running from?” He crossed his arms as he spoke, glancing over his shoulder.  

He rolled his eyes and turned his back to you once he saw your wide smile. He noticed you never heeded his threats or snarky comments, rather you brushed them off and stood your ground. A small smile formed on his face. Scaramouche knew It was only a matter of time before you would manage to find him or be tasked with finding him. 

“Did Lesser Lord Kusanali send you to make sure i stay on good behavior?”

“I know it seems as if I’m Teyvats personal errand runner,” you spoke, placing your hands on your hips. “But this was a personal choice to find you.” 

He turned to face you and his smile diminished into a relaxed expression, yet his arms stayed crossed. He studied your figure carefully. Scaramouche has been in your presence multiple times, however this felt different. Normally you both would be tense and on edge, awaiting each others next move, but this time you stood relaxed. He felt his shoulders drop in ease to match your energy. 

“What do you want?” His words were sharp as ever, yet they held no aggression. He found beating around the bush pointless. 

“A travel companion.”

Scaramouche’s eyes narrowed as your bold words registered. Him as your travel companion? You had to be dumb to request such of him. “So you thought i was the best candidate for that?”

You shrugged and mimicked his pose, crossing your own arms. “I see no reason why not. Besides, what better person to travel with than someone you’re most familiar with?” 

You extended a hand to him, ushering him to except your offer. You wore a sickly sweet smile that confirmed your choice of wanting him to travel with you.

He thought for a second on your words. As much as he hated to admit, you were right. You were the only person who remained the most consistent in his life – albeit a “pest” or otherwise – your determination to track him down helped blossom a sort of weird relationship. Almost every nation your travels led you to, you and him would cross paths. From your fateful meeting in Mondstadt to the bittersweet events of Sumeru, you always managed to find him somehow. Even if you were in opposite regions, your reputation preceded you; your adventures garnered you as a walking legend and he was not deaf to the talk of passerbyers who spoke your name with excitement. There was no way to escape your presence alone. 

Scaramouche would never admit it, but — deep down — he found himself quite bewildered at your unrivaled determination toward him. Whatever your motive may be, your venture to find him never ceased. You’ve seen every part of him and with every new, daunting, piece of information you discovered about him, he was sure you would flee. But no. Here you stood, with an outreached hand, more determined than ever with your proposition. 

“You know i tried to kill you, right?” he spoke, recrossing his arms. His face remained relaxed, however there was a glint in his eyes you noticed. He was challenging you. “How are you so quick to throw away your good reputation to fraternize with the enemy?” 

You cocked your head to the side with an amused grin. He was right. He did atrocious things to not only you, but to many of the people he crossed paths with. But there was something about Scaramouche you couldnt quite shake. You have no idea what led you to forgive him so quickly, but maybe your coincidental meetings actually mean more than you both were able to comprehend at the time. Fate truly had a funny way of bringing people together. 

“I dont think you’re evil. You’re just lost and alone because that’s all you’ve ever known.”

Your words hit him harder than he would like to admit. His eyes widened slightly as he dropped his arms to his sides. Your words, mixed with that smile, stirred something inside him. Something incomprehensible, yet noticeable to him. For once Scaramouche found himself at a loss for words. Were you crazy? Had you suffered a head injury long your travels? No, he assumed. This is the reson why people hold you to such high esteem; why authors asked you for tales to write about in their upcoming novels; how you’ve managed to befriend every Archon you’ve had the pleasure of meeting with. You were forgiving and different. 

“Ill never be one of the good guys,” He let out a light chuckle and approached your figure. “But if one of your friends mistakes you for collaborating with the enemy, you’re on your own.”

He clasped your extended hand and gave it a squeeze. Your eyes lit up with satisfaction and a triumphant smile adorned your face. What would he have to loose? He had no real aim or mission. He were to be wandering without a purpose if not for your companionship. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, your presence was familiar and it provided him comfort he didn’t know he craved.

“Now Teyvat has two errand runners!”

“Don’t push your luck.” 

[zaffreberries]

Have you ever started reading something and become utterly and irrevocably enthralled by it? Unable to stop reading, losing hours of your time in devotion to the story played out amongst these fictional characters? To have your whole world subtly shift until the only way to get back to a sense of normalcy is to finish the story. That’s what happened to me with “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo”.

I was initially intrigued by the movie trailer, it starred Rooney Mara and Daniel Craig as the main characters and was released in 2011. I hadn’t watched the movie when it was first released, nor did I realise it was based off of a book (let alone a series), I just was looking for crime noir movies to watch and stumbled upon it. Then I found out it was based on a book and I wanted to read the book first before watching the movie. All the reviews had praised the movie in various ways but every review of the millennium trilogy of books spoke of how amazing the series was. My interest had been piqued, my attention was given and so I set out to read this book series.

As soon as I started reading I was obsessed. I barely looked at anything else but the screen of my kindle, I needed to know what happened next. Time happened to fall away as I lost myself in the unfolding story. Thankfully I had gotten the omnibus because I wasn’t sated with just reading the first book. I had finished it that day and I needed more. I yearned for more and could do little else but let myself become lost amongst the story. Some times it’s hard to stay focused on a book when reading, but not this. This, if anything, was the reverse. I couldn’t focus on anything but the story. These fictional characters, mikael and lisbeth, their lives were more important than my own. I cant emphasise how easy it was to read this book. I barely took breaks to eat and sleep, for me the story, the unfolding mystery and resulting drama were all the nourishment I needed. The first book quickly fell away to the second and by the third day I had finished the original trilogy and needed to catch up on sleep and eating. I was sated, I was nourished and I was at peace with the world once more, able to function and live like a normal person without my mind being drawn helplessly back to this fictional place.

Now unfortunately we come to a problem. To elaborate upon the series and its contents and why this problem effects me and why I am choosing to make a point of it, we need to establish a few things. First and foremost is that this book is about feminism. The original title of the book in Swedish is “Män som hatar kvinnor” which translates to English as “Men who hate Women” and a significant theme of this book is about violence against women. Another theme is the noted moral bankruptcy of big capital. Whilst this book focuses predominantly on the Swedish community neither of the themes expressed are unknown to anyone around the world, especially women. Secondly is that Stieg Larsson was a reporter and a noted feminist and his work was on far left journalism and Stieg died of a heart attack in 2004 and his Millennium trilogy was released posthumously. This is where the problem begins. For safety reasons relating to his work on writing about far right extremism Stieg didn’t marry his partner Eva Gabrielsson and he hadn’t updated his will in many years (clearly an oversight). This led to a situation where his possessions were given to his immediate family over his partner, including the rights to the book series. What followed was a he said/she said situation in which his partner Eva who he collaborated with in making the books, was denied any further involvement in the handling and decision making progress of the now best selling series. Eva had in her possession an unfinished manuscript of the fourth book in the series and even offered to finish the series, Stieg’s brother and Father who had control of his estate through legal means were disputing creative control of his literary works. At one point, Larsson's father and brother offered Gabrielsson roughly $3.3 million, but she continues to fight for the literary rights of Larsson's work to this day. Since legally they had control of his works they instead worked with the publisher and a decision was made to continue Stieg’s Millennium series without his or his partners blessing by hiring a new writer to write new books.

I’m not Swedish, I have never met any of these people in my life, nor spoken to them, I don’t speak Swedish and I haven’t been to Sweden. My information is coming from third hand sources who I choose to believe have accurately translated the ongoing issue. Plain and simply I am not a good source of knowledge or information on this issue, I do not have solid facts and this is not verified information and I implore you to investigate this issue yourself. I don’t have any firm idea on who is morally right in this situation or what the whole truth is. I do know that legally it is right that more books were and will be published. But morally…in my opinion (that no one asked for) this leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I haven’t read the sequels to the trilogy, I refuse to. It’s not as simple as a “I refuse to pay for this” kind of stand where I would just go and get the books through “other” means which is customary for when a writer of quality is shown to be lacking in morals. No instead this is something that hits different. It doesn’t feel right. Eva lived with Stieg for 30 years. She knew his mind. She knows him best, knows what he would have wanted and there is something tragically ironic about the whole situation in which a feminist writer dies and the literary control of his feminist book series about a left journalist and hacker who go right wrongs, to two men over his partner of over 30 years in a legal dispute and was immediately whored out for profit by the company. It is the kind of thing that the characters in the book would have been disgusted with, would have fought against. It to me is against the very spirit of the book.

*Sigh*

So for me this means the door is closed. My favourite book series ends in a different sort of tragedy. Whilst the original trilogy itself had an ending that is satisfactory, to know there is more (from a certain point of view) to know there could have been more and to have that not being realised, it doesn’t feel good. One of life’s unfortunate unfinished dreams becomes another of my dalliances into the realm of “what if”.

[kitkat-val]

✩ pairing → Wednesday Addams x Fem!reader

✩ summary → Many took advantage of the snowday at Nevermore by goofing in the snow. Wednesday decided to take advantage by shooting her shot

✩ warnings → not proof read, slightly ooc wednesday

✩ val’s note:- Havent written fanfic in a while but wednesday is just too fine

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

Cocooned in your blankets, you felt a warmth of happiness spreading to all your limbs, even though the cold temperatures outside should imply otherwise.

Principal Weems’ voice had blared through the PA system, effectively waking you from your slumber, but she had said today would be a snowday. It was slightly incredulous to have a snow day when you lived at the school, but you were not one to complain.

You felt yourself drifting off to a peacful slumber before a sharp round of knocking was heard on your door. You jumped out of bed, irritation seeping in your body again. When you opened the door, your eyes met a familiar ravenette. You felt your irritation turn into something of embarrassment, knowing you probably looked a bit sluggish.

Wednesday seemed more relaxed than normal, not doing her usual impersonation of the kubrick stare. Somewhere in your mind, you were hoping you were the person for the seemingly easiness she was carrying.

“We were wondering if you’d join us while we did trivial activities outside, befit for only children” Wednesday questioned, and her relaxed state became tensed again, seemingly annoyed.

“Did someone force you to go?” You asked, quite confused. For an invitation, it really seemed like she was gonna leave the snow at a moment’s notice.

“Enid did, and my patience is running low with her at the moment” She answered, and you finally understood. Enid was probably trying to set you up. You had never told her about your crush on wednesday, but her intuition was always strong.

“I cant lie, I think I’ll just stay in bed. Maybe next time Wens” You told her, slightly apologetically. You did feel bad for her, coming all the way down here just to be told no.

“I know you would find it joyful to spend the day with me. Almost as joyful as kissing me would be” She acknowledged, with an eyebrow quirked up, and a smirk drawn huge on her face. Was the Wednesday Addams flirting with you? Unfortunately Wednesday had hit her mark, because you stood there with you eyes slightly widened and the blood rushing to your cheeks.

“Did you just flirt with me?”

“I’d be able to do more of this flirting if you would accompany us today.”

You felt slightly reluctant to just agree, not wanting her to think you were in the palm of her hands. You started quickly brainstorming on how to make her flustered also, but with wednesday addams it would be difficult.

It was like god struck with the idea.

“Say please, and i’ll do it” You told her, feeling a smile grow on your lips. You would have went either way at this point, but bothering Wednesday was just entertainment. One of the best kinds of entertainment.

Her haughty face with a big smirk, turned into one of a sour one. Her usual look.

Much to your surprise, she said it immediately, and offered more than you had even asked.

“Y/n, would you please accompany me and some other friends to fool around in the snow” She said easily, as if she wasn't against the word “please” and against requesting things of others.

She always found a way to surprise people, making them feel squeamish in the skin. Usually by hauling a long talk of gorey subjects. Never had she surprised someone by making them flustered, and that's what astounded you even more.

“I take your response as a yes. Please be ready within the next ten minutes, because we did waste quite a bit of time right now. Meet at us at the Quad” She ordered, but even then you were still shocked because she had added another please.

“I thought saying please was below you”

“Nothing is below me when it comes to winning your heart” She wittly replied, and left her post in front of your door with a sharp turn of her heels. Unbeknownst to you, the her face was more colored then the rest of her.

—

You had prepared yourself to look a but better than usual, which was slightly silly because you were going to get drenched either way. You just didnt have it in you to look terrible after your little interaction with Wednesday.

You found your group of friends at the quad, and Enid had immediately met your eyes with a knowing look, and you felt your face heat up slowly realizing what kind of day this would be.

When everyone had collected together, Ajax loudly went, “Heads up” and threw a snowball at the back of Kent’s head, which quickly ensued chaos.

You were having a little 1v1 with Yoko, when you felt a blow to the back of your head. Quickly turning around, you saw Wednesday slightly smirking. Since you have turned your back on Yoko, she took her chance and plowed you with snow. You ended up running from the two ravenheads, a wide smile spread on your face.

When everyone had calmed down, and started doing more mundane things like building snowmen, and doing snow angels, you noticed Wednesday had distanced herself from you, choosing to stand in Enid’s shadow a bit. You ended up building a snow man with Xavier and Yoko, while conversing. Your eyes kept wandering towards Wednesday, even though you tried to will them not to. Fortunately for you, You usually ended up seeing Wednesday shamelessly staring at you.

At one point, your whole body began to feel extremely cold, and you mentally cursed yourself for trying to look a bit cute instead of properly layering up. Another snowball fight ensued and you stood in the corner, not trying to get hypothermia.

“Can you say that Nickname you called me this morning”, a voice suddenly requested behind you. You jumped and saw Wednesday.

You held a hand over your heart as you said, “Don’t just scare me like that, especially not from behind”. You breathing slowly went back to normal, and you glanced at the ravenette’s face, which held a humorous expression.

“Just call me it again” She requested again, completely ignoring your near heart attack.

“Magic word”

“Please, Mi Amor” and with that you felt your heart nearly drop to your stomach. Your body was freezing, but your heart was blazing.

“I dont even remember what nickname I said this morning” You told her earnestly, and she glared at you.

“I will have your body effectively chopped up and fed to the Hyde if you dont figure it out” She threatened, a huff of breath following it.

“Was it Day” You questioned, to which she simply shook her head.

“Addam?”

“That wouldn’t even be considered a nickname”

“Addy?”

“Absolutely not. It was my first name, not my last”

It hit you immediately, and you quickly turned around and held her face as you quietly said, “Wens?”

She pulled your hands off her face, and slightly turned around, but you didnt miss the pink dusting her face.

“Thank you. I came because you seem to have no concern for your safety, and since I dont wanna see you die on hypothermia, Im taking the task of leading you to warmth.” She haughtily said, even tho her cheeks still have a twinge of pink. You didnt point it out, because you knew she’s say it’s because of the cold.

You held your hand out and simply told her to lead the way, and she took your hand and pulled you through the halls of Nevermore untill you reached Ophelia Hall.

You had been lost, but brought back when you ended up in the Addam girl’s room.

“I thought we were going to my room?” You questioned, and Wednesday simply looked at you and didnt say anything.

She slowly walked up to you and let her cold finger slide under your shirt, and she leaned to your ear to whisper, “Take this off so we can get you nice and warm, yeah?”

When she pulled her face away, with her hands still on your waist, she saw your flustered expression and a smirk had found its way on her face once again.

Tired of Wednesday teasing you all day, you pulled her to you, and placed a kiss on her nose.

“Are you gonna watch me get changed?” You questioned, as you decided to slowly pull your shirt off, in a joking manner.

Wednesday pulled your shirt back down before it reached past your stomach, and vigorously shook her had no, her whole face turning red.

“I actually believe that I have some clothes in your size somewhere in the bathroom, give me a moment to locate them. Pull that type of stuff on my again, and I’ll pull your shirt off to choke you with it” She said as she made her way to the bathroom.

“Kinky” you replied, to which she ignored.

You peeled your clothes off as she sorted everything out for you, and when you lay naked standing in her room, you realized you should’ve waited till she gave you your clothes before you started changing.

You heard her approaching, and quickly got under her covers, to hide your body. When she walked in, she gave you and incredulous look before the situation made sense to her.

“I didnt know you were so excited to get naked around me” She noted with a quirk of her eyebrow, which didnt help you at all.

“Im not tryna”

“You attempted to pull your shirt off about ten minutes ago” She noted again, her entertainment in this situation quickly embarrassing you.

“I was joking” you whined, and quickly added, “give me my clothes”.

“Come up and retrieve them yourself” she told you as she held the clothes tight to her chest. You wrapped the clothes around your body as you walked up to her and tried to grab it without the blanket loosening. She caught a hold of your waist, and layed kiss on your shoulder.

“Here you go your clothes mi amor” She finally said after taunting you for so long. She left the room to give you privacy.

When she returned and you were dressed, you finally asked her, “Why have you been flirting with me all day?”

“I would answer your question, but you deserve a proper confession. Give me time” Wednesday simply said, as if she wasnt rocking your world.

You giggled out of happiness at her answer, both you and Wednesday oblivious to the gossiping of your friends when they noticed your absence. To wish Enid and Yoko claimed they gave Wednesday pointers.

[vegetablejester]

I also have some thoughts on Dawntrail, spoilers down below.

So I'm rather mixed to be honest, some parts I think were really well done and cool while others felt a bit rushed and disconnected. For my first compliment at least, they did do a really good job at representation and exploring culture from what I understand too from others talking about it from said cultures. I hope they keep this up in the future as remembering how badly Gyr Abania gets shafted constantly makes my blood boil.

Lvl 90-95 95-100 though feel like two halves of an expac or patch quests though. Its very weirdly cut in half like patch quests normally would be after an expac. But at the same time having the rite of succession be drawn out would probably become a drag eventually. One of my biggest issues however has to be the villains of the expac and their motivation. We have Bakool Ja Ja as the red herring villain first who gets redeemed. I don't mind this, what bothers me is how his character was written beforehand and how some of the shit he does just doesn't make any sense. Why did he free the Valigarmanda? He doesn't give any good reason other than he just can and will. Having him maybe boast he can do it because he's a blessed sibling and getting too high up his ass and losing with us cleaning up the mess would have fit better. If his motivation is to impress his father and stop more blessed siblings from being born by them being able to leave the forest, show it better. It all just kind of happens once we get to the last trial almost out of no-where.

Zoraal Ja annoys me the most though. Because we have little to no idea why he's such a war-monger to begin with. He has this idea that everyone's gotten soft after being in peace for 80 years, then fucking show that softness maybe and how it could be bad. Even if he did win the rite, what's this mf gonna do in a city that doesn't have a port to build boats gonna do against the motherfucking LOMISAN NAVY. The closest we go an idea to why he acts the way he does it is because he's bitter about being Gulool Ja Ja's only trueborn son and having pressure and thinking he automatically deserves to rule because of that. I would have found it interesting if maybe he was bitter over his mother dying due to the strenuous birth of a child like him or Gulool Ja Ja wasn't perfect in raising him and teaching him. His motivations just kind of feel lazy out of nowhere tbh.

And then there's Sphene. So Living Memory and Alexandria have things i like a lot. It's really cool to see more stuff about other reflections and also FF9 hehe. But I felt like what she did was very easy sort of shouldered off like "Oh sorry she was just programmed that way teehee but don't worry she's good again now before she diessss" Like no fuck off. 14 cant get good female villains down ever since Yotsuyu who remained bitter yet slightly regretful as she died. She never asked for redemption, and I would have liked to see Sphene stick to her shit even as she died like, Wuk Lamat cant say shit about understanding her pain. We were told how many people died in the attack, 50. How many people have died in Sphene's kingdom and lifetime? To have a whole fucking society built around erasing the memory of people who die to avoid grief and a whole area dedicated to using those memories to recreate them after life? It's not exactly comparable tbh.

I will say I do like the idea of Living Memory after Ultima Thule. Ultima Thule was about the stubbornness of pushing on and continuing to live against all odds because so many are still out there alive and living so the area becomes more full as you progress. While in Living Memory, everyone is already dead. We're just here to turn the lights off in the house. It becomes more empty and dead mall like as we progress instead because its breaking the cycle and ending the prolonged existence after death because there's no more life left to live. Next to that Sphene had built herself a sinking ship, too much empathy to let those who die to keep the memories alive are added to the Memory Zone, but that then mean more aether is needed and more reflections to drain of souls and aether until there's nothing left. It would have collapsed eventually and it was better we did it now than later.

Those are just some of my thoughts so far though.

[imnotreal-png]

>:) -- Entry 1

OK i just smoked a joint after i wrote the date and now im kinda chillin but imma still yap on dis hoe.

I am a loser. Like a huge loser, okay? Like im not dumb or wtv, i may have reached a weird and insane level of self awareness, but im just as much of a loser as anyone else.

I keep catching myself trying to people please and overstepping my boundaries and justifying it with "oh everyone else does it, so what, its normal" like ok dumb bitch that doesn't make it okay, get a grip.

But i will be yapping away abt alot of stupid bullshit i deal with and stupid things make me sad. I am very well aware that I am irrational, but these are things i feel in those moments that i always hold in because i don't want people 2 see that weak side of me. It's embarrassing and it's not me.

In truth, i have nooo idea what i'm doing. I have 0 clue on where i'll be in the future. I didn't think i'd make it this far and not on some suicidal shit (idk if u can say that word here, oops.), i just genuinely thought that i'd somehow perish?? Like i wasn't really real in some weird way. I just didn't exist. Even though i was always the center of drama or the cause of all things chaotic, i was always misunderstood. god that's so fucking cringe but hear me out.

I always said shit that i believed was clear enough to be understood and yet it wasn't. Even my tone apparently has been rude this entire time. But no one would actually tell me how i come off, they just ate it up in silence and then spaz on me. Even now i don't really understand because i truly believe i am very clear on what im saying. Yet it's still...not seen the way im trying to show it? Idk if im making any sense bruh but whatever. Maybe im narcissistic but no one understands my brain the way i attempt to express it...or i guess how i see it. Idk i guess im just frustrated that no one understands me or gets my brain.

Also it's super cringe when people tell me im mature for my age. Literally eat my shit. actual ick. get away from me.

I hate my mom. She hates me too but she hates me bc I'm not the pussy she wishes she was when she was my age. She's the most childish person i know. I genuinely do not care what she thinks of me whatsoever. She's just power hungry and immature. Actually, I don't even hate her, i just hate that she gets to have all this power over me. I just want my freedom, thats it. She can hate my lifestyle or whatever the fuck, as long as im not living with her. At the end of the day, im truly content with who i am as a person and my moral compass etc, she cant affect that. I just need to have my own space and leave her household to finally be free and actually experience life in a comfortable and more peaceful way. I guess that's all i can say rn. I just wish she would respect my boundaries and stop treating me like im her competition and she'll always be superior. She won't and i cannot wait for the day she finally see's that lol.

!! super irrational moment alert !!

LMAO this is super cringe but like when i started music i put "listen 2 my moozik" in my bio bc we say muzik in albanian but americans wud have 2 read it as moozik to get it right + its funny? Ever since i started rlly getting exposure and performing out there, all these NON SLAVS/BALKANS have started putting it in their bio's 🙄 like be fr, its sooo obvious (at least to me). And now some of these mfs i've interacted w startes stealing my lingo and the way i type [this isn't how i type when i txt friends. its worse and i shorten everything in a miserable way cuz its funny] and it's cute at first but now mfs on social media posting the way i do and talking the way i do. [insert side eye bc yeah] and it's kinda cringe cuz they're actually rlly shallow and mainstream people, they just look like they trying 2 hard to be quirky. lol.

im probably tweakin tho idk.

i wish i grew up with art. i wish my parents had that and were able to introduce it to me. I feel like a fraud when i try to be creative and do things. Even with making music. As much as i enjoy it and love it and it really does make me happy, it feels fake. I can't play any instruments, i can't sing, im far from a good writer, fuck if know anything abt music theory...i literally just click buttons and make sounds on my computer lol. I didn't grow up indulging in art and creativity, i was actually always super bad at it. I wish i had a deeper connection with it. I wish i understood it better. I wish i expressed it better. I wish my ideas were my own. I want to be able to create something that is truly mine without feeling like im a fake.

UHHHH so imma just come on here and vent whenever i feel like i have something i need 2 say. This is intended for the void, if u come across it...cringe.

[nothing-a-good-nap-cant-fix]

now that school has allowed face to face, my thoughts are more reorganized, and im not spiraling into the same cycles in the comfort of my own bed. Now, ive met some people who were able to help me settle in the normal every day interactions and activities.

It makes things easier for me to get a ground of where im currently at, and evaluate my current state of mind and im able to grasp my thoughts and explain them in an understandable way. I don't talk in blurs anymore and dont speak in incomprehensible frenzy of emotions and mental breakdowns. Mentally, and psychologically. Physical doesnt matter to me anymore.

Speaking of physical, ever since i left my relatives and went back to staying home, the impact of my stay there severely affected me. I remember constant reminders of how i look. The shape of my body, my hygiene, my figure. It was a daily comment. Maybe to them, it was innocent. Maybe because they already said it to each other on the daily and weren't affected by it, they thought it was okay to joke about mine as well. I dont know. All i know that for once in my life i started caring about the thing i saw whenever i passed by the mirror. I couldnt bear to look at my face anymore knowing it was me. It was painful knowing that this was the body i lived in. I couldnt even skip meals to make me feel even just a little bit better, and avoid them, because theyd always start accusing me of acting emotional, being bitter, being immature, emo, moody, whatever words an adult can throw at a developing teenager. I wanted to die.

I had little to no privacy, sharing a room with someone, bunk bed, in a cramped stuffy room, no door to block out anything. The only personal space i had was my own bed, which even people liked to occasionally drag me from. I had issues with school at the time, that's why i was living with them. But they weren't helping. All they did was scold me about why i couldnt solve it on my own. They said that they were my age when they could already supervise their own school files, and that i should know it too. They shouldnt be doing stuff for me, they said. Im old enough, they said. But i dont know how to do it. I cant do it. They say im weird because im always scared to talk to people to ask to people. They get mad when i couldnt buy eggs because i was scared. I didn't know where the store is and even though they gave instructions. It was already hard for me to go out and buy normally. whatever.

Im so tired. I have to deal with everything that comes my way and i just want to scream and kick and cry.

But what if i do? Nothing will happen. Nothing will change. Ill just look more stupid. I might do something that will make more issues for me. I cant risk it, itll ruin my already peaceful situation.

I hate sundays. Its when my parents decide to stay home for the day and get mad at some point eventually. Usually, its about the messy state of our house. About how we should clean. Always so messy, they said.

Im tired. I dont want to live like this anymore. Ive changed. Thank goodness. I dont want to die anymore. I dont think ive ever wanted to die. I just wanted to stop existing to people. I want to stay as a spectator forever. All i do is watch from the sidelines. I dont want to be acknowledged, or known, or even seen.

Whatever.

Im tired. I want to cry. But i cant. Whatll it do? Nothing. It does nothing. It just makes me look more stupid. It will give me a cold. Itll have people aksing why im crying. Stupid dumbfucks. I wish theyd go somwhere else. I hate it when people ask if im okay. I want to bash their brains in. They should be shutting up. Sht the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut up bitch. Dead dead adead die die die die die die die die. Im tired. Maybe i should start smoking. But they said its painful. What should i do? Self harm? I cant do slits. Too showy. People will notice. They might even report me. Embarassing, theyll ask bulldhit questions at the office. What the fuck. I need something. Ah. Starving. I can. I should stop eating. Dad said i was growing weaker. I regret eating today. I wish i ddint eat. I wish i didny ask for anythibg. I wish i starved starve starve

[driftingandlostwords]

okay so it did feel better for myself to talk to him. it gives me peace of mind that i apologized for what i did wrong. if he doesn't want to apologize then that's on him.

i understand that he's frustrated with the situation and that its difficult and complicated. but its not fair to take it out on me. if i had left, i would be struggling to just get by with no car and no means of taking care of myself. him leaving doesn't leave him in that same scenario. he has the ability to drive and get around and get what he needs. like he is able to come back to get stuff that he forgot. if i left and forgot something, i wouldn't be able to go back to get it or even go out to buy it.

he's frustrated at inconveniences like not having certain clothes, parking his car outside, or not having a tv. like yes those suck but i also am stranded here and inconvenienced. i cant go grocery shopping. i cant go get the hair cut ive been needing to get. there's stuff i need to buy that i cant go get. i am so fucking lonely in this apartment. i can't go anywhere and im just stuck at home. i too am inconvenienced by this situation. i am hurt by this situation too because i didn't want this break. but i am not verbalizing my complaints against him or making passive aggressive comments about it. i am trying to be the bigger person in all of this.

i know that i am in a more comfortable place than he is even if i am experiencing some inconveniences. i know that very well so and i want him to at least make his living situation comfortable. he's not barred from coming here to get his stuff. he's not restricted from being in his own apartment. this is still his home too. and there are fair ways to go about coming back to get things.

not mentioning that you are on your way over so that i just know that you're coming and so i can unlock the deadbolt is not fair

knocking on the door for three minutes while standing in the cold instead of texting me you're at the door is not fair

acting aloof, weird, and as if you don't know me when you come in is not fair

saying that you are bored at eds place and miss your tv is unfair. you took your MacBook with you to use and you can drive yourself to go do things. you could've taken your computer with you but you didn't want to. you can watch things on your MacBook but you haven't turned it on.

grabbing all the stuff you said you need and then suddenly saying that you're staying for a bit is unfair. if you wanted to stay to eat then just let me know so i know what to expect. its not asking for permission to stay because this is your home too and you don't need permission to do that - its just courtesy for this weird situation we are in

saying that you have no food at ed's isn't fair when you have a car that you can go get food in and when you have the food your mom dropped off for you. food that was meant for the both of us meaning that there's a lot for you. we dont even have much food at the apartment right now and i have to figure out how to get groceries myself when you have the ability to just do it on your own. and that is not something i am resenting or holding against you - that just happens to be an aspect of the situation. its not me against you, its just a situation that sucks all around and you have to make do with what you can

if you didn't want to talk while you were eating, you should have told me. yes, its not fair of me to try to make things seem normal. but its also unfair to assume i know you dont want to talk. just tell me early on you dont want to talk much. getting frustrated that im trying to talk to you and then expressing that you don't want to talk is unfair since it comes across as mean. if it wasnt out of mean intention then it was an untimely way to letting me know.

it is unfair to act as if i have kicked you out of our home. you are the one who wanted this break and i am working with you as best i can to make this break happen. i wont place myself in a hole where i cannot take care of myself to make this break happen. sure i have more people that i can stay with but in every scenario, i have somewhere to stay but i cannot take care of myself with what i have. while you have limited options as to where to go, you have the ability to take care of yourself in every scenario.

i have offered and suggested a lot to try to make this situation better for the both of us. if he's expressing his frustration with the living situation but doesn't want to do anything about it, that's also on him. i offered as much as i could to make this easier for him (ie get more clothes, figuring how to organize clothes so its easy to move, offer to pay for the garage for this half of the month) and everytime i make an offer it gets turned down and i get shut out.

suggesting places to stay > idk ill figure it out

suggesting taking an extra duffle with clothes so that its easy to transport > i don't want to think about it, i don't want to bring everything because ill have to move it again

offering to pay for half of this month's garage rent since he's not able to park in it > its whatever

suggesting he takes some of the food that's here > forgets to take it with him

like i know this situation is difficult and tense but im just asking that you try to work with me on it so that we can at least make it somewhat better. i don't understand complaining abt things and then refusing to do something about it. ive offered as much as i can

does he deserve an apology

I just wanted to say I'm sorry about how yesterday went. While it is no excuse, it has been hard for me, and seeing you made it even more real how much I miss you. I think I was caught off guard yesterday when you stayed longer, and I tried to make it as normal as possible so that it wasn't awkward. I'm sorry that it came across in a negative manner for you. It was not my intention to ask questions to pry. I saw that you seemed lighter, and I was happy for you and curious about it. The jordan situation is something that will take time for me and I apologize that my questions put you on the spot and made the situation tense.

I know that this is a difficult situation as a whole, but it hurt for you to get upset about my decision to stay at the apartment. I know that I had options to go to in the area but not having a means of transportation made me feel scared of getting holed away somewhere while trying to figure out food and stability. I hope that my decision to stay is not one that weighs negatively on the situation.

I really do want the best for us and really believe that this break will be good for us and i think that there hasn't been enough time to allow for that. I know that we are supposed to be giving each other space but I thought this was important to say since it has been weighing on my mind.

[wizkiddx]

hiiiii !!! if you are accepting requests at the moment, can i ask something about reader and tom expecting a baby, one day while he’s drunk she sees him flirting with another women and when she confronts him he snaps at her and tells her he’s not ready for this “shit”. So they broke up and broke contact for months, until he shows in her apartment regretting his words and they talk but she suddenly at that moment gets into labor?!? I remember seeing a concept similar in a movie but I would love if you couldn’t bring it to life! Thank you so much in advance, appreciate your work a lot 🧸🤎

right so I loved this so much it has become a multiple parter and im not even going to apologise. so thanku so so much anon for getting me out a little rut!!!

summary: when toms caught out all hope looks lost - probs part 1 of 3 but it could get a bit longer too lol

warnings: serious angst, reference to abortion, cheating, a whole lot of swearing (im British sorry not sorry)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hi babe, just to let you know Yamna’s invited me out for dinner this evening so don’t worry if you get home early and im not back! I love you x”

It was a spur of the moment plan, which was a rarity recently. The past 5 months since you’d found out, you could name barely 5 occasions you’d been out past 8 oclock- trading your heels for fuzzy slippers and dresses for massively oversized tops and joggers. It wasn’t how you had expected to be spending the summer before your 25th birthday but it was now your life. The rooftop bars, the wild nights, the get aways had all sort of been cancelled for… for the rest of your life.

Because an 8 month pregnant belly isn’t something you can ignore.

Sure…. it wasn’t the plan. Not the plan to be pregnant with your boyfriend of only 6 months, who at the time you didn’t even live with. But you were making it work. And now, you were just excited. It was the start of a new story with Tom, and you’d got past the phase of being sad and mourning your youth. Because the little bubba inside of you, she was pretty awesome and you really couldn’t wait to meet her.

So yes, you had been home alone eating ice cream from a tub when Yamna knocked on the door. She’d been one of your best mates for as long as you could remember so when she’d turned up unannounced with mascara smeared under her eyes you’d cancelled your plans of a pathetic alone evening. Her boss had just given her the sack - which was no surprise. He was a backwards tory old git who couldn’t handle the fact Yamna was a woman doing the job better than he could ever dream of.

So yes, you’d suggested going out to the fancy new bar down the road - to celebrate the fact she no longer had to put up with the arsehole. Obviously you couldn’t drink and neither did Yamna, but you go to a bar for the atmosphere - and the selection of mocktails they had was insane.

Your boyfriend Tom was already out, he said he had a meeting and then dinner with some execs he needed to shmoosh. Of course you didn’t mind, but he had been working a lot recently, in order to be able to have the time off when your baby girl arrives.

So after sending a little text and giving Yamna another hug to try and turn the evening from disappointment to celebration you walked out the door with a smile on your face. Maybe you could pretend, just for an evening to not be pregnant and whale-like?

///////////////////////////

The bar was just a 10 minute walk so it wasn’t long before the two of you were soaking up the atmosphere. It was all decorated in a rustic fashion, with old exposed wood and dangling lightbulbs from the ceiling and the drinks were incredible. The type that have dry ice or flames or some other sort of fantastical display of edible decorations. Even Yamna had perked up, especially when a guy from the table across had bought you both a round of drinks.

“I’m just gonna pop to the loo.”

“Do you really need the toilet or do you just want to parade infornt of the fit rich man who keeps looking at you?”

“ Is both an option?” You laughed as Yamna slipped off her stool, winking rather dramatically as she did so. She was unbelievable - but at least this way she wasn’t thinking about her work, or lack thereof, anymore.

Happily you sat scrolling though your phone, seeing that tom had messaged you with an okay, before flicking through instagram.

And that was where the happiness ended.

For in a hurried manner, with a face looking a lot more ghosted than when she left, Yamna took her seat again.

“Are you okay?” Immediately your worry took over, the way she was biting her lip and not meeting your eyes not helping.

“I um yeh-yeh. Just I think I saw Tom.”

“Tom as in my Tom?” Her almost guilty looking nod had your scrunching your eyebrows, why was it such a big deal Tom was inside?

“He didn’t see me I don’t think but er… he just looked pretty close to a girl and I-“

To be honest you stopped listening at that point, heart dropping out the bottom of your chest. Because it made sense, he had been so distant recently and even if you’d been lying to yourself that it were work - this seemed much more likely. Whilst nodding along, pretending to listen to Yamna, instead your attention was solely focused on fiddling with the promise ring he’d got you after the two of you decided to keep the baby. He’d been so committed, so ready for this unexpected news. He’d said he was in for the long haul.

“Y/n?”

“sorry I um… it’s probably just a work colleague he needs to sweet talk. I’ll um-I’ll just go say hello.”

“I’m coming with you.” She spoke astutely, very much forcing herself into the situation.

“No no I’ll… I’ll come back if I need you, just wait here.”

Her face was so grim and destitute, as much as you were pretending it was okay - you knew it wasn’t. Before Yamna could protest further, you slipped off your seat ( clumsily thanks to the elephant belly) and walked with fake confidence back inside.

It took you barely 3 seconds to hone in on Tom, call it mothers intuition. He was on a booth in the corner with 5 others on his table but none of whom you recognised. It was 2 other guys and 3 girls - the six all paired off in mathcingly initimate conversations. Apart from that you payed almost zero attention to the others, attention solely focused on your boyfriend and the girl he had his arm round.

She was everything you weren’t. She was skinny - you, as previously mentioned, looked like you had a beachball stuffed under your top. She was blonde with sleek and perfectly styled waves at the tips of her long her - yours was thrown into a messy bun due to the last minute plans.

Most importantly - right now she was wrapped in Toms arms, whilst you stood alone watching.

God knows what came over you, but with confidence you never normally had you marched up to the table, just waiting at the end. One of the men you didn’t recognised, arrogantly asked you ‘can I help you’ - but you completely disregarded it, eyes solely fixed on Tom. He took a moment more to look away from the leggy girl, but as soon as he did his eyes grew massively wide.

“Y/n I-I-“

“Fancy bumping into you, I thought you were out with work executives?” Frantically casting his gaze across the table, you could see the cogs whirring to try and come up with an explanation.

“No I-I was but then Charlie here came over, we used to be mates at school and-“

“Oh fuck off Tom., I cant deal with this right now.”

You didn’t even have the energy to listen to his clearly fake excuses as to why he’d landed himself in that situation. You also certainly did not have it in you to maintain the strong face, you could feel everything shattering inside of you.

Because it was so blindingly obvious by how he had acted. You’d caught him out and you both knew it.

And it fucking hurt like hell.

So you exited the bar as fast as physically possible, hearing the shouts of both Yamna and Tom behind you. You didn’t know what you needed in that moment - except that neither of them were the answer. Tom though, presumably the faster of the two, managed to catch up - grabbing your arm to make you halt in the road.

There was this moment between the two of you that time almost seemed to freeze. The two of you, in an otherwise pretty empty residential street, at 9:30 at night, in a moment that you would never have again. From your point of view, you saw the slightly bloodshot and bleary eyes, widened with panic and fear. For Tom he saw the floods of tears down your cheeks, which you hadn’t even noticed were freely streaming.

But in that moment there was, at least, the slightest bit of peace. The slightest bit of hope - that he could explain, that he had some ludicrous but valid reason for the situation you had walked in on. Just a smidgen of hope that this were recoverable.

But then he had to open his bloody mouth.

“Y/n I swear nothing-“

“That didn’t look like fucking nothing!”

“It was I swear! We just-“

“Tom this is your one and only chance. I don’t care if your off your face, if you don’t give my a miracle of a reason as to what the fuck THAT was - then I’m gone.”

“Don’t say that Y/n, you don’t mean th-“ He tried to grab your hand which you snatched away, like you had just scalded it on a hot plate. Like he had hurt you.

“I swear to god I’ve never meant anything more. So cut the shit.”

“FIne-fine! Um so we were at the meeting and then on the way out I bumped into George and hes been a good mate of mine for years.” All you did was hum, arms crossed and making sure you had a metre of distance between the two of you.

“So he said god you look like you need a drink and I agreed because its been stressful as hell recently.”

“Oh its been stressful; for YOU has it? I’m so sorry Thomas, has it been hard for you while i’ve been throwing my lungs up with morning sickness? Has it been stressful that I’ve been running on zero hours sleep because she kicks me all bloody night? ” Your words were laced in a posioned sarcasm, to which Tom just stammered to.

“Please just let me.” Given he was supposed to be fighting for you, he sounded pretty darn defeated already.

“I said yes to the drink.” He skipped out the bit that had angered you, to which you rolled your eyes at. “And one turned into two and more and then I don’t know-“

“Your going to have to try a lot harder than that.” You deadpanned, taking a small step further back still.

“I mean it! The girls were all his friends and we were just talking.”

“Just talking? All pressed up and arms round her?”

“Yes!” As indignant as he retorted, it didn’t not make up for what you had seen with your own eyes.

“Your such a bullshitter Tom!”

“God why wont you just listen to me?” He cried, wobbly doing a little 360 on the spot, in what appeared to be exasperation.

“Because your just spouting fucking lies! And you try and blame it all on poor little tommo being stressed which is-“

“I HAVE BEEN! Running round after you! I’m just tired of this shit!!! So kill me, for having one night of freedom!”

Tom was too deep in his angry lecture to take any notice of you. Which is why, once finished, he waitied, breath heavy and nose flaring. He was waiting for you to scream back at him. To give it back. He was too drunk to notice the change in your demeanor.

“I’m tired of this shit.”

It was just reverberating round your head. Again and again and again. He was tired of your relationship and you hadn’t even become parents yet. He was at his wits-end and the baby was still unborn. What the fuck was going to happen when baby arrived? Clearly there was no hope. It was dead. Your relationship was dead with no chance of revival.

Because he’d said it. Your relationship was shit, and nobody can put up with something they hate for that long. Not 18 years. Not while bringing up a child.

So with a new sense of dread and fear and complete and total isolation you uttered three single words before hysterically running away.

“Don’t follow me.”

Not now, not ever.

?to be continued?

~~~~~~~~~~gahhhh I hope u enjoyed! I also REALLY CANNOT THINK OF A NAME FOR THIS MINISERIES --> if anyone can think of something pls inbox me!!! ~~~~~~~~

tom taglist: @lovehollandy12 @hollandlover19 @thefernandasantana @hunnybunimdun @hallecarey1@cedricdiggorysimpp @msmimimerton @hollandfanficlove @pandaxnienke @crossyourpeter @thegirlwiththeimpala @tom-softie @sunwardsss @spiitfiiires @radcloudenthusiast @ladykxxx08 @prancerrparkerr @wildxwidow @Elishi03 @arctic-monkcys @Ownbauer13 @tomhollandlol