#and nothing sounds entertaining rn and my head still hurts and I don’t wanna do laundry | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rambling-at-midnight · 6 years ago

Text

Don’t You Believe Me?

Request: Could you write a klaus imagine where it’s a couple years post-canon. the reader has been pining for him for ages but swallows it cus they don’t believe he returns their feelings. when he tells them that he loves them they’re just like “lmao sure” cus all of their friends and partners have left them and no one has ever loved them enough to stay so they don’t believe him. They aren’t like sad about it either, just resigned and making light of it to deal with how much it hurts to not be wanted.

Pairing: Klaus x Reader (Oneshot)

“He’s probably lying, though,” you mutter to yourself, chewing on your thumbnail as you pace around your small room, bare feet sinking into Emily’s plush carpet with every step. Your phone is in your hand, screen glowing as it displays the nine-word text that’s causing you so much anxiety. When the screen dims, you tap it again. You just need to look at the text in order to get a feel for it.

“What does he have to gain from lying to you?” your roommate, Emily, asks from where she’s laying on her stomach on her bed. Her hair is curled perfectly and her clothes are fashionable and look cute. You don’t know how she does it. You always look terrible no matter how hard you try and your hair can’t hold a curl to save your life. It’s especially impressive considering how just yesterday she’d been bawling her eyes out.

“He could humiliate me!” you exclaim, your voice loud. Someone in the hall down yells to shut up, which in turn makes other people yell at them, until everyone’s yelling and then it lapses into stony, brooding silence. You hiss, “He could be saying it to stand me up or something!”

“Y/N, we’re not in middle school anymore,” Emily responds. “Trust me, no one’s going to be putting in this much effort in order to stand you up.”

“I don’t know,” you say, your phone screen dimming once more. You tap the screen and accidentally on the new message, which means now Charles will be able to see that you’ve opened up the text. “Shit!” You drop your phone like a hot potato. The offending text glares up at you: You know, you’re actually rly cute. Wanna meet up?

“Haven’t you guys been talking for, like, weeks?” Emily asks, blowing a large bubble and sending her friend a SnapChat. “Yeah, trust me, guys like that lose interest after three days on average.” She should know; she did an actual study on the habits of boys and girls when talking to people on instant messaging, and if the male isn’t interested he apparently gives up after three days. You guess she hadn’t studied how many guys cheat on their girlfriends or she wouldn’t have started dating her boyfriend, but she hardly looks worse for the wear.

“What about the outliers?” you ask miserably. Charles is active on Instagram right now, which means he’s probably waiting for your response. He’s seen that you’ve seen it. He might be getting annoyed that you’re taking too long. He might be laughing with his friends about how they’re guessing you’re freaking out.

“The most extreme outlier was a week, Y/N,” Emily says not-so-patiently. She’s normally pretty good at handling you when you’re like this, but recently she found out her boyfriend’s been cheating on her, and she had to pull an allnighter last night to study for her Calculus quiz. Now she’s plotting her revenge on the cheating Michael. “Trust me. Nobody even finds that all that entertaining, anyway. You’re not going to get stood up.”

Your phone screen hasn’t even turned off before you decide, “No, I’m canceling it. Nope. Nope. I’m blocking him.”

“Y/N!” Emily jerks her head up to look at you, brown eyes widening with horror, but you’ve already done it. Her voice is surprisingly shrill when she exclaims againn, “Y/N!”

“Shut up!” somebody yells again, followed by multiple people shushing them.

“Oh, jeez,” you say, your hands shaking as you shove your phone in your pocket. “Nope, nope, nope. Did not like that.”

“You’re pathetic,” Emily sighs, shaking her head. “He was cute. He seemed sweet. You’re just being crazy.”

“I’m sorry, are you standing up for boys in general now?” you ask, putting your hands on your hips. “Last time I checked, your boyfriend’s a douche.”

“First of all, no, I wasn’t talking about all boys, just Charles. He seemed nice. Second of all,” Emily glares at you, “low blow, dude.”

“Sorry,” you groan, dragging a hand down your face. “I’m just… not good at this.”

“You just need to get over him,” Emily says, standing up. She puts a perfectly manicured hand on your arm and crinkles her brow at you. “Trust me. Pining over Klaus for eternity isn’t going to make you feel any better. Rebound dudes are the absolute best to date, because everything they do feels so crazy amazing!” She’s already got her rebound dude from Michael picked out.

“I know,” you insist, folding your arms. “I’m getting over him. It’s just… I had a bad feeling about Charles,” you invent wildly.

Emily crosses her arms and raises one skeptical eyebrow. “Mmm-hmm, sure.”

“What about you?” you ask, sitting down heavily on your bed and wiping your phone screen on your jean pants. “What are you thinking for Michael?”

“Honestly, I was thinking about cutting three inches off my hair and posting a selfie with the caption ‘Not gonna miss those three inches, Mike’.” Emily flips her hair over her shoulder and sends another photo to a friend. “What do you think?”

You laugh. “That sounds really funny. I’ll be the first to like it.”

“Honestly, now I think about it, why’d I stay with a guy that barely hits four inches?” she muses, tapping her chin with her pointer finger.

“I believe I asked you that when you started dating him,” you mutter. “And you responded that he was sweet.”

“Character is out,” Emily decides. “The length of the dick is all that matters now, as long as he’s not a total asshole and, like, a wifebeater.”

“As you do,” you nod.

It was the whole ‘your boyfriend’s a douche’ comment, you’re sure of it.

Emily has moved out of the room you shared together.

It’s not like you weren’t expecting it, either; since when has anyone ever wanted anything to do with you? Your own parents abandoned you and when you tried to track them down, they had another little girl and were not interested in talking to you. The rare times you’ve gotten a boyfriend he’d dumped you quickly, unable to handle your fears of abandonment.

Even the goddamn cat you adopted from the shelter ran away.

So no. You’re the opposite of a magnet. Nobody ever wants to be with you. They don’t even want to be in the same room as you.

Your phone buzzes. It’s Klaus Hargreeves, your oldest friend, and you’re trying to calculate how long it’ll be until he leaves you too. Everyone else has. It’s only a matter of time.

Klaus: Hey, Y/N, wanna come over? I’ve got a surprise for you!

Honestly, you’re surprised he’s texted you. He hasn’t in the last three days, which frankly isn’t very unusual for him, but your anxieties are in overdrive and have been since coming home and seeing the ‘Goodbye’ note on the door.

‘Y/N, I’m going to be living with some other friends for the rest of the semester.’

Translation: I’m finally ditching you for my better friends.

‘No hard feelings, right?’

Translation: I’m trying to be as polite as possible, don’t get mad at me for ditching you, you loser.

‘I’ll still see you around!’

Translation: But only in passing; don’t try to talk to me in public.

‘—Emily’

Translation: You were super fucking annoying. Thank God I’m out.

Within seconds, you text Klaus back, saying, What time? And what sort of surprise?

You good to come over like rn?

You don’t have any other classes for the rest of the day, and though you have an essay to write, you can do it when you come home later or tomorrow.

Yeah, sure, I’m on my way, you text back and slip on a pair of shoes before hurrying out the door. On the bright side, you won’t be able to get into any loud conversations and get yelled at anymore. You’re pretty sure the rest of the hall hates you and Emily for occasionally shrieking the most.

Come to my bedroom when you get here ;), Klaus sends you, and you have to stifle a grin. Maybe his teasing is what made you fall for him initially, and the way he’s so carefree. It hurts a little bit, though, whenever he makes a joke about being with you. You know you’re not even an option, but still.

Like Emily had said. You need to get over Klaus. Maybe you should have told him you had to write the essay, but…

It’s too late now for that. Plus, Klaus may get annoyed if you cancel plans with him and not want to hang out with you later on.

The Umbrella Academy mansion is quiet when you push open the doors. Grace must be cleaning elsewhere, and Pogo must be doing… whatever Pogo does when he’s not taking care of the kids. You barely even notice your extravagant surroundings anymore; far too used to them after visiting Klaus whenever you’re worried he’s OD’d on drugs or whenever he’s a little less high and wants to hang out.

Nothing’s changed when you see Klaus’s room. Well, things have definitely changed; there are balloons around the doorway like he’s celebrating something, but that’s just Klaus fashion. For all you know, he could be celebrating something—maybe this is his anniversary of getting addicted to drugs or something like that. Something like that would kill you a little bit to see happen, as it would kill all his siblings, but Klaus is just like that.

And you really do love him.

You push open the door cautiously, half-expecting him to throw something at you as a prank, but all that greets you is Klaus standing in the middle of his room, exclaiming happily upon seeing you.

“Hey, Y/N!”

You can’t respond. You have to take it all in for a second.

For one thing, his curtains aren’t drawn for once to keep the sun from hurting his hangover headache. For another thing, he’s shaved and cut his hair a little bit. The last thing that really stands out to you is that he’s wearing color. In all your life, you’ve never seen Klaus wear any color apart from that pink feather boa, but he’s wearing a tie-dye tank top and loose green cargo pants.

You laugh a little hesitantly, stepping into the room and looking around. He’s certainly seemed to embrace the color; confetti’s everywhere. “What’s going on, Klaus?”

“I’m sober,” he beams, holding up his arms. “Ta-da!”

You’re speechless.

“I know it’s taken me a long time,” he continues, “and I’m really glad you’ve helped me through all the years. But I’m sober and I’m planning on staying sober for the rest of my life. Ben’s helping me realize that I can’t just drink away my problems, you know?”

“Are you serious?” you manage to squeak out.

Klaus nods.

You squeal and launch yourself across the room, latching onto Klaus like a koala. “Klaus, I cannot believe it! Why didn’t you tell me you were getting sober?”

“I didn’t wanna let you down if I couldn’t,” he mutters, squeezing you so tightly you can’t breathe for a second. “And I was planning something.”

“What?” You pull away from him, already regretting the hug because it just made you love being in his arms more. Spending time with somebody probably isn’t the best way to get over them.

“Well, I’ve been wanting to do this for a while, but I knew I wasn’t gonna be able to until I was sober.” Klaus sits down on his bed, pulling you down with him, and looks in your eyes seriously. It’s unnerving. You’ve never really seen Klaus serious. “Y/N…” He swallows. “Please don’t say anything until I’m done, okay? I just need to get something off my chest.”

You nod. Oh God, is he going to tell me he’s murdered someone? Can you honestly keep a secret like that for him? You nod, squeezing his hands tightly.

“Y/N, I’ve loved you for a long time,” he says, blushing a bit but refusing to look away from you. “I wanted to get sober for you. I want to have a future with you. You’re my best friend and you make me laugh. You’re supportive and kind. I know that people have left you before, but I promise I won’t. I don’t know if you feel the same way, but if you do…” He squeezes your hands for a second. “I’d love to spend the rest of my life with you.”

You want to vomit.

He’s really making fun of you in this way? When he knows how sensitive you are about being abandoned? When he’s probably the only person who knows about your parents and relationship struggles throughout your life?

You swallow around a lump in your throat and croak out a laugh. “Ha, good one, Klaus.” You stand up, avoiding his eyes. “I’m happy you’re sober, though.” You start to turn away, saying, “I have an essay to—”

Klaus grabs your hand gently and spins you around. “Y/N, I’m not making fun of you. I really do love you.”

“Yep, mmhmm, sure,” you say, nodding too quickly, clenching your jaw too tightly. “I know. I’m sorry; I’m not really in the mood for jokes right now; I’m stressed out about this essay that’s due—”

“Y/N, don’t you believe me?” Klaus asks, staring at you. He’d honestly not expected it to go like this—he’s sober; isn’t life supposed to start going right?

You wrench your arm out of his grip. “Sorry, Klaus, I really have to go. I’ll talk to you later.”

“No, you won’t,” Klaus mutters as you escape the room. He’d imagined that going in a million different ways except that one. “Shit!”

“Go chase after her,” Ben instructs. “We both knew she wouldn’t believe you. At first.”

Umbrella Academy Taglist:

@fentanvl @deathswretch @lightningidiot @five-hg @iamsnek666@ameliatrh @ihatecheesyusernames @dora-the-grownup @emilyt0314 @idklol707

Forever Taglist:

@lemirabitur @annymcervantes

Guys, take a look at the prompt list on my page—I’d love to take requests for them; it’ll be fun writing practice!

#tua #the umbrella academy #klaus hargreeves #klaus x reader #reader x klaus #klaus hargreeves x reader #klaus #number four #reader insert #reader x klaus hargreeves

95 notes · View notes

colonel-insomniac · 5 years ago

Text

I’ve Got a Crush on You

read on ao3

Bobby was at a family reunion and he was so bored. This time, the reunion was at his grandmother’s house, and it isn’t that Bobby was without WiFi, it was merely that he had no one to really talk to. He could talk to his relatives, but they all talk to him like he doesn’t even have a brain just because he decided he’d rather continue working as a fry cook in a “grease generator” as they like to call the Krustie Krabbe.

But he loved being there, at the Krustie Krabbe it was like he was finally who he was meant to be. Well, mostly. Maybe when Mr Krabbes sees him as the adult—albeit young adult—that he is, maybe he’ll finally get the recognition that he deserves. His friends were the only ones who talked to him like he was an equal, even Sandy, even though he couldn’t understand half of her science jargon.

And he craved one of those weird conversations with his best friend. But though his parents considered Patrick Starr family, Bobby’s family was insistent that only real Porous family members were allowed to join. So, he’d said his farewell to Patrick, who still wanted to get in the car with Bobby, and drove the hour and forty-five minute journey to his grandmother’s house.

He could faintly hear the soft jazz music drifting from the living room. He was alone at the moment, sitting on a bar stool in the kitchen, tapping his fingers on the kitchen as he laid on his other arm. Patrick said he had to go run some errands an hour ago, and Bobby’s been waiting for Pat to get back.

Bobby had already scrolled through his Instagram feed, his Snapchat, his Tumblr, heck, even his Twitter, which he barely ever uses. So now he's just kind of doing nothing, watching the black phone screen, willing Patrick to finally come back.

But Bobby's been thinking in the time that he's had to do nothing. He's liked Patrick for a while now, and since there's nothing to entertain himself, he'll have to get creative.

He's gonna song-lyric-prank Pat. Which is so 2018 in his opinion but maybe it'll be fun. He's gonna use something that Patrick should recognize, a Frank Sinatra song, specifically, I've Got A Crush on You.

Now sitting up, Bobby grabs his phone and taps on Pat's message thread.

Patrick takes a couple minutes to respond, and Bobby can almost see Pat try to understand what's going on, if the little "read" text underneath Bobby's message is anything to go on.

Then the three dots pop up—

<PraisePink: uh im confused, grls r going after u???>

Bobby smiles, tapping out the next chunk of lyrics.

Bobby knows he has Pat's attention now, if the immediate typing is proof. Bobby decides now he isn't so bored anymore.

<PraisePink: im still not gettin it bud>

He knows that that message makes it sound as though maybe Bobby's hit his head a little too hard. Bobby glances around the room, just to check that no one's watching as he smiles at his phone.

<PraisePink: r u ok>

<PraisePink: u rn't concussed?>

Bobby sends a quick 'nope' before moving along with the next lyric. This time, Bobby can't help blushing even though it isn't anything bad.

And yeah, so Bobby's adding a couple words into the lyrics, but it's only 'cause he wants it to last long enough for it to be fun.

As the three dots appear again, Bobby leans in unintentionally, waiting excitedly to see what Pat's response will be. When he's sure Pat's almost done typing, his phone is suddenly gone, snatched out of his hands.

Bobby looks up, bewildered. Then he spots his cousin Jack, or as they sometimes call him, Cousin BlackJack, an allusion to the numerous black eyes Jack has had through his adolescent years. Jack and Bobby are pretty similar in height, but whereas Jack is buff and muscular, Bobby isn't.

"Jack," Bobby pleads, "give me back my phone. That isn't funny." He reaches for the device but Jack pulls it behind his back.

"Uh-uh," Jack smirks, "let's see what you're up to that's keeping you from spending actual time with the family." Bobby blanches. "Jack, no. That's not fair. You know family is everything, I'm just talking to Patrick."

"Well, let's take a look, then." Bobby knows nothing he says will stop Jack, so he shuts his mouth and prays Jack won't tray and make an issue out of the situation.

The evil glint in his cousins eye grew as he scrolled through the messages. "Oh this is pure gold." Jack chuckles, glancing at Bobby. "I wonder what'll happen if the family finds out."

"No Jack, stop. I'm not messing around with you. Don't do this."

Jack shrugs. "Nothin' I can do, cuz'." Jack glances at the phone again. "Jeez, this guy must be smitten with you Bobby, he's blowin' up your phone now."

Bobby blushes and inwardly curses himself with words he'd never say out loud. This darned joke and his stupid boredom. He should've just waited until after the reunion to do this.

"Tell you what, Robert," Jack smirks at Bobby, "tell me the next line, I wanna see what happens."

Bobby sighs, tapping the counter. He knows he has to go along with this, maybe Jack will get bored and give up.

"It's 'it's not that you're attractive, but oh, my heart grew active, when you came into view." Jack laughs, a mean one note 'ha'. "This is absolutely priceless, Bobby." Bobby’s eyes stung with tears, and he slid off his chair, garnering the attention of his cousin, who sighed heavily.

“Bobby, you never let me have fun with these things. I’m not even being mean! Our relatives are all wondering where you are and why you’re all alone. This is just payback for me sticking my neck out for you.” Bobby thinks somehow this doesn’t make sense, Jack makes sure never to jeopardize himself, opting to throw others under the bus. Somehow, Bobby knows what he’s saying isn’t true.

But Bobby also knows himself, and he knows there’s a small chance that Jack isn’t lying, so he walks over to Jack’s side so he can at least see what’s going on.

<PraisePink: sponge, ur kinda small, not big ;p>

<PraisePink: ok that 1st part kinda hurt :,C >

<PraisePink: whats going on tho>

Bobby bit back a grin at his friends statements, trying to put on his best poker face. “Bobby this guy’s smitten with you.” Jack exclaims incredulously.

“No he isn’t, Jack, there isn’t even anything to suggest that. You’re just going crazy.” Bobby stammers his response, a little nervous that Jack could be right.

“Kid, are you insane? This Patrick guy is literally flirting with you, and come on he’s concerned about you falling and hitting your head??” Jack does the sticking-finger-in-mouth bit to suggest his disgust at the two, and Bobby smiles.

“Well, Jack, you could always give me back my phone.” Bobby suggest, and rolls his eyes when Jack shakes his head. “Nope, I’m gonna help you.”

“Jack,” Bobby begins, “your ‘helping’ isn’t always so helpful, you know?”

“I know.” In that instant, Bobby swears Jack looks like a villain, all dark shadows cast on his face from he doesn’t even know where, and an evil grin plastered on his face.

Bobby knows he isn’t a bad cousin to Jack, so he doesn’t understand why Jack always has to pick on him, and Bobby knows that one of these days, he’s going to finally snap and finally get everyone to stop walking all over him. “C’mon, give me the next line.”

Bobby cringes “I’ve got a crush on you, sweetie pie, all the day and night-time hear me sigh.” He looks away in embarrassment when Jack laughs, “You chose the best song for this Bobby. Genius.”

“Wow, he’s really waiting for you to respond, as soon as it sent it showed that he’d seen it. He’s already typing a response.” Bobby lifts up his head at that, intirgued as to what Patrick’ll say.

<PraisePink: w8, what?>

<PraisePink: srsly????? u’ve got a crush on me???>

Bobby never expected he’d let out a sound as strangled as the one currently exiting his mouth, a mix of a groan and a scream. Perhaps a little dramatic, Bobby would drape himself on a couch if he could do so, or if he were back home, he would pack his stuff and skip town for a couple days. But now he’s stuck with facing the consequences. “And now, Bobby,” Jack pulls Bobby’s phone behind his back, raising the pointer finger on his free hand, “I must bid you adieu.”

Caught off guard, Bobby puzzles over what jack might mean by that when Jack takes off running. Ever alert, Bobby chases after him a second after.

He’s too late. In the time it took for Bobby to chase after his cousin, Jack has managed to reach the bathroom and lock it behind him. Nevertheless, Bobby thrusts his shoulder against the door, hoping the old door will just give in. No luck. Of course, what else should Bobby expect?

It’s almost as though his world is shattering around him, because he knows whatever is happening between Jack and Patrick behind that door isn’t good at all. Right as he’s about to go run looking for a Bobby pin to pick the lock, the door swings open and Jack walks out. “Give it, Jack. Now I have to fix whatever mess you’ve stirred up. Again.”

“Sure thing,” Jack replies and places the phone in Bobby’s open palm, much to his surprise. Jack just keeps walking, covering his mouth as he yawns. ‘At least his parents taught him that.’ Bobby thinks, spiteful as he aims the coldest glare he can manage at the back of Jack’s head.

Now it’s time to lock himself in the bathroom and fix the damage. His message thread with Patrick has grown a lot despite Jack not being in the bathroom long.

<PraisePink: sponge?? U still there???? r u being srs rn???>

Then, a reply from “Bobby.”

Bobby face palms. That’s doesn’t even look like his text-speak.

<PraisePink: u don’t like me like that?>

Bobby can physically feel his stomach dropping. This is it, isn’t it? This is when his whole life simply ends.

<PraisePink: oh this is a joke? Cos ur at a reunion, right>

<PraisePink: and that’s what you really think, huh?>

<PraisePink: well I don’t need you>

Bobby falls to the ground, and surprisingly, with no loud thuds. <Sunshine ☀️: Pat?>

Two minutes pass. No response. Four. No response. Bobby waits ten minutes, hopelessly, as he waits for a response. Nothing.

The little ‘read’ text pops up, so Bobby waits for an answer. Nothing happens, so he continues, desperately trying to get Pat to understand what’s happening.

Still no response.

The three gray dots pop on his screen, and it doesn’t take Patrick long to type out his response, mostly because it’s short.

<PraisePink: idk if i believe that.>

Bobby’s heart cracks as his desperation grows.

<PraisePink: idk, can u maybe give me time>

<PraisePink: i know things usually dont affect me, but im actually rlly hurt rn>

Bobby lets go of his phone, and it clatters on the floor, as he draws his knees to his chest and full on cries. Sobs—maybe that’s a better word for it. “Alright, Bobby ol’ boy, you gotta pull yourself together.” He wipes his eyes as he stands back up, a plan already forming in his head.

“I gotta leave this place, I need to get to Pat.” He pushes the door open, hurrying down the hall. Bobby’s about to make it through the front door, too, the door opens, one foot on the porch, one step closer to Patrick.

“Robert Porous!” At the sound of his first and last name, Bobby turns, stopping abruptly enough that he almost falls forward. His mom is walking towards him, and lays a hand on her son’s arm.

“Just where on Earth are you going?” She asks, “And why were you crying?”

Bobby bites his lip as he looks at his mom, “I messed up, with Pat, and I need to go make things right. Please, let me go fix this.” His mom studies his briming eyes for a moment, the wind blowing wisps of hair across her face, and ruffling the sleeves of her baby blue dress. She glances inside the house quickly, as her hand slides down, setting Bobby free.

She nods once, quickly, and steps back. “Alright. Go, go to him, but I didn’t see you leave, alright? I’ll try and keep them from saying anything.” The pair hug and Bobby’s mom steps inside again, quietly closing the door, maintaining eye contact with her son.

He hops into his car, and drives off. He finally got his license, but because he’s failed it a couple of times, he isn’t technically supposed to drive without an experienced driver for another month. But that doesn’t matter, all that matters is that he gets to Pat.

He drives back to his beach town in silence. There’s no need for music when his brain provides enough chatter to drown out everything else. He keeps his eyes trained on the road in front of him, occasionally glancing at the speedometer and side mirrors, just like he should.

He makes a couple stops on the way home. The first is to the nearest Target. Bobby carefully parks, and pretty much literally runs into the store, propelling himself forward with a cart. He scans the flower display and contemplates which one Pat might like before the lightbulb in his mind goes off. He races towards the Valentines Day aisle. The event is still a week away, and hopefully they’ll have exactly what he needs.

Bobby nearly dances when he finds what he’d been looking for: chocolate roses. The delicate chocolate was wrapped daintily in red and green tinfoil. Bobby doesn’t even bother looking at the price tags, he grabs 20 chocolate flowers, and goes in hunt for his next item: ribbon. Once he gets to the crafts aisle, Bobby only knows he wants it to be something lacy. He’d thought maybe red, but now that he’d seen it up close, the red on red is too muted.

He needs something that isn’t simple, something that’ll stand out. Scanning the rolls of lace on the shelves, his eyes keep going back to a dainty white lace. He decides it’s probably his best option, and heads over to the checkout, anxious to get to Pat right as the sun’s sets. Bobby’s in such a hurry that he nearly forgets his bag, this time literally running back to his car, gently setting down the bag on the passenger seat, and pulling out of the parking spot.

<PraisePink: hey, can we talk?>

The message comes through while Bobby’s on the highway, his tongue poking out of his mouth only slightly as he pushes away his nerves. He’s never driven on the interstate highway before, so naturally he’s terrified. He doesn’t even glance at his phone, he’s on a mission, and it’s the most important thing to him right now.

When he pulls the car off the interstate, it’s too stop at a chinese restaurant. He knows Patrick Starr better than he knows himself, and he knows Pat probably is craving chinese right now. Bobby decides even though he isn’t hungry, and can’t even stomach the thought of eating, he’d probably be hungry later, and gets himself some too.

He’s now five minutes away, and each minute spent in the car feels like another hour passing by. The sky is bathed with those glorius golden rays of sun. Once he manages to safely park in front of the apartment complex, he takes a moment to wrap the roses together with the white ribbon. He carefully secures his own takeout box with some ribbon too, and slides it in his bag. Sometimes, you have to find solutions that aren’t necessarily optimal.

He quietly makes his way up the stairs, pausing to read and answer Patrick’s text:

He reaches Pat’s front door right as Patrick starts typing, and places down the bag of chinese takeout, laying the bouqet of chocolate roses on top of them. Bobby rings the doorbell and crouches behind a fake tree, right as the door swings open, heart hammering.

He can just barely make out Patrick’s features as his face contorts in confusion and he bends down to pick them up. “Shoot!” Bobby yelps, realizing he forgot to write a note. As soon as he realizes he said it out loud, he clamps his hands over his mouth, peeking around the plant to check whether Patrick heard it.

His phones buzzes in his pocket, but he ignores it. He knows it was Pat, he just barely managed to glimpse Patrick’s thumb hit the phone in his hand. “Bobby?” Pat calls out. “I know you’re there, you’re the only guy I know dorky enough to do something like this. Unless it was Edward. Hey Edward?!”

“Whatever it is, the answer is no.” The muffled response makes Pat laugh, and nearly makes Bobby giggle.

Pat picks up the bouqet and the takeout and walks inside, glancing around one last time. His eyes briefly stop where Bobby’s hiding, but he closes the door. Bobby knows he’s waiting. After a minute, Bobby quietly gets up and starts heading back down the stairs dejectedly. He can feel his bottom lip tremble, and he bites down on it. He may very well have lost his best friend. He lets the tears stream freely.

He makes it to the threshold outside the building, glancing back briefly before sitting inside his car and pulling out his phone.

<PraisePink: i know im not the brightest but i just cant tell if ur telling the truth, maybe we need to just take some space>

He places his phone on the console between the front seat and the passenger seat, and places his head on the steering wheel. Bobby’s so wrapped in his thoughts, and emotions he doesn’t hear the door open, or close for that matter. “Sponge.” comes the quiet whisper. Bobby still doesn’t hear it, so Pat places a hand on Bobby’s hunched shoulder.

Bobby jumps, and an ungodly nasally gasp emits itself from his throat. His face burns in embarrassment. “Bobby, listen to me.” Pat states. “I know you’re the one who left the food and the roses.” Bobby opens his mouth, about to tell Pat to just forget about it, when Patrick shakes his head. “Listen. I thought maybe you were being honest with me before, and maybe you were just trying to get me to believe you. But then you left those chocolate flowers and the takeout—which is scary, how’d you know I’d been wanting chinese?”

“Pat—”

“Anyways, my point is, in that moment, I realized you’d always been there for me, you do sweet things like this. It just wouldn’t make sense for you to be mean to me and then do something like that.” Pat grabs Bobby’s small hands in his, but Bobby doesn’t meet his eyes.

His curly burnt orange casts shade over his eyes as he keeps his head downcast. “Pat, I need you to know that I’ve got—”

“I know. I figured it out after that last lyric that was sent to me. I had to go search the song to make sure, but I know music, and I knew that it was Frank Sinatra. To be honest, it’s a clever way to confess.” Patrick lets go of one of Bobby’s hands, and tilts the shorter man’s head up to face him. He gently sweeps the hair off Bobby’s forehead before reconnecting their hands.

“And your cousin Jack was right. I am in love with you too. He’s also right in saying that you have my complete devotion, anything you ask, I’d do for you, because it’s you. Bobby, you’re my best friend, but you’re also the only person I’ve truly loved completely.” Bobby smiles, feeling like hell iced over, but Pat gets out of the car and Bobby willingly follows suit, locking the car behind him.

Pat tugs Bobby close to him and Bobby laughs against Pat’s chest as the taller of the two wraps his arms around the other. They stay like that, their bodies as physically close as they can be, for a minute and a half. They each regard the other for a moment, before Bobby stands on tiptoe, and kisses Patrick.

He whispers the words “I’ve got a crush on you.”

Pat snorts, “Dork.”

#spongebob #patrick #spongebob the musical #pearl #mr krabs #squidward #this took forever #and i didnt even go to school today

1 note · View note

idealisticrealism · 8 years ago

Text

Blindspot 2x12 recap

(Aka the one where Roman gets to go on an outing, the show rights a bunch of wrongs, and Weller develops new fantasies regarding Jane and motorbikes)

So this is the first episode I’ve been able to/have chosen to watch live since seeing the pilot at Comic Con-- thanks to the triple miracles of live online streaming, a deserted office in a currently unused part of the hospital, and a rare patient-free afternoon-- and man am I so glad I did. Lbr I rode the high from this ep for the rest of the damn day (okay, week) lol.

Which, naturally, means that there is a ridiculous amount of flailing waiting below the cut. Enjoy.

So Weller seems to be regretting his boss-role rn as he is badgered by an assistant lol-- one named either Brianna or Rihanna (seriously Weller you need to enunciate more clearly sometimes), which is a fact that apparently either Weller briefly forgot, or Sully did, since there was just a fraction of a pause before he said her name haha. And okay Weller I know you are sad about the whole bye-bye baby thing (goddammit now I have Bay City Rollers in my head), but seriously, someone in your position should NOT be signing anything without reading it first! Like, who is this ‘new analyst’, who is being tested for drugs, who is getting security credentials for the deputies committee, and exactly what's in the departmental budget?? What if the ‘budget’ you just signed cuts all the funding to the Sandstorm taskforce? Or if any of the security passes you just approved are going to Sandstorm moles?? Dude. As a sidenote, though, I like Weller's signature, and it entertains me because its style is literally exactly the same as Sully's signature. Which is hardly surprising, obviously, but cute all the same. Man we really need them to get a new Assistant Director though-- Weller never seems happy behind a desk, as demonstrated by the fact he literally ran when he got the message from Patterson lol. The boy needs to be out in the field, needs to be running free with a gun in his hand and his wifey beside him, saving the world

Loolllll I love Zapata teasing Reade about his hookup last night. He tries to act all affronted and reminds her that the girl has a name, only for it to immediately backfire when she challenges him to tell her what it is because he doesn't know either. Oh, you really backed yourself right into that corner, buddy. And then in very sibling-esque fashion he's just like 'argh I don’t have a comeback to that so just leave me alone alright' lol. And omg speaking of siblings, Jane is proudly telling everyone how Roman solved the leopard tattoo, while Patterson mutters little corrections from the background, a tiny bit put out that Roman is getting all the credit for her discovery and analysis. Shhh, it's okay, baby. They all know you're the smartest one in the room, not to mention that you've cracked like 90% of the tattoos. Let Jane have her moment of being a doting big sister haha. But anyhow Patterson still has the kicker-- not only does the tattoo point to the biker gang (okay so we call them 'bikies' in Australia, so you have no idea how hard I have to concentrate to type ‘biker gang’ each time) but anyway it actually revolved around a government agent that was running guns over the border for them, and he was already caught just before the tattooing happened, which could be why Sandstorm scrapped the leopard tattoo. Jane is all for using the photo of the biker girl to help jog Roman's memory, whereas Nas (and her pet shrink) are against triggering any more memories on the belief that it will also trigger his 'antisocial behaviour'. Hey does anyone remember that scene in the movie iRobot, where Will Smith sneezes and apologises for being allergic to bullshit? I wanna put him in a room with Nas and her shrink and watch him dissolve into a marathon of constant sneezing fits every time either of them opens their mouth. But hey, maybe they're actually totally right, like remember how Jane's memory of shooting a nun made her go on a killing spree in every church she could find? Oh, wait...

But anyhow, thankfully Weller is seeing a bit more sense this week, and immediately backs up his wifey, leading he, Nas and Jane to stand in the next room and watch as the shrink prompts Roman with the photo. I have to say, using the motorbike sounds was a good move, and clearly it worked. I'm excited to see him having real memories of his adult life, especially ones that could give us more clues to Sandstorm’s plans. And in the memory, Kat's teasing concern about him driving over potholes definitely implies that he's transporting explosives. But then again, this is Sandstorm, and they collect explosives like birds collect shiny things, so it’s hardly a revelation. And ughhh Weller and Jane share a meaningful look (with Nas again forgotten in the background, my second-favourite way for her to be, the first being absent altogether) and then Roman looks to Jane, who gives him an approving smile and a nod and my baBY SmiLES baCK and ugh just look at this puppy. Look at him. He's adorable and we need to keep him, even if he used to bite people and chew everything and pee on the rug. We'll train him up and he will be a Good Boy, I swear.

So with this fresh intel, the team reconvenes in the meeting room, and tbh despite Weller being the one standing at the end of the table, Jane is totally the one running this show, and he's literally just watching her in rapt attention haha. And as she poses the theory that the tattoo was removed by Sandstorm because it might link too closely back to them, everyone actually listens, with not even a skeptical glance from Reade of a snarky comment from Zapata. Jane might not be entirely forgiven yet, but she's finally no longer a scapegoat, and I LOVE IT. And you know who has noticed this change too? Nas. She's definitely seeing the old team start to knit back together, and in particular the old partnership reforming between Weller and Jane, and she knows it doesn't bode well for her. Damn straight, lady. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. (Or, as you do with everything else, just pretend to and then lie about it). But anyway here comes the real kicker of the ep-- the biker gang is notorious for never snitching, which means they need someone on the inside, and I love how straightforward and 'in the box' the team's thinking can sometimes be, because the moment Jane suggests sending Roman in, they're all like "whaaaaaaa????" as if that option had never even had the possibility of occurring to them. Like yes, fair enough he's kinda a 'prisoner of war' at the moment, but he's also their only current choice, so...? But ugh, I love that even though Weller is taken aback by her suggestion, he lets her make her case, his eyes never leaving hers even for a second. (Be still my bruised little shipper heart.) And then they seemingly get the shrink to come in to give her opinion, and I like that Weller is now sitting down at the table rather than standing like before, as if putting them all on even ground. Everyone gets a chance to have input. And then ugh: "He's a terrorist"//"So was I". Wow, Jane, that's a big statement. Just look at my baby taking responsibility for what her past self has done, even if she is now a completely different person and would never do the things Remi did. And lil Patterson next to her raises the point that they didn't know that she was a terrorist, and I love that after she says this, she keeps her eyes locked with Jane's even as Nas is saying her piece (lbr Nas isn't worth her attention anyway) but ugh I just love how expressive that look is? Is she thinking about Borden, and how they never knew HE was a terrorist? Or is it a look of apology, like 'I'm sorry we considered you a terrorist for a while', or both, or...? Honestly I really want to see more of the relationship between these two, especially if it involves seeing Jane supporting Patterson in her grief/betrayal over Borden. But anyway Nas raises the point that they know nothing about Roman's past interactions with the gang, so they'd essentially be going in there blind, and the shrink chimes in that in that setting he might suddenly lash out and become violent. God, she sounds like a broken record. And then when Jane says she can keep him in line because of their relationship, the shrink insists (after spending literally like 15 mins total with him) that he is completely incapable of love or human connection and therefore Jane won't be able to handle him. Geeeezzzz, lady, if anyone with any psych training overheard you spouting this crap, you'd probably get deregistered. Psychology might not be an ‘exact’ science but that still doesn't mean you can just make up whatever shit you want!!! Ugh. But anyway, what's this???? My son has finally found both his common sense and his spine, and firmly states that they need to do whatever it takes to stop Phase 2, and that includes taking this chance on Roman. Which basically just translates to "I trust my wifey so now you all better as well". Nas looks understandably bummed at this, because clearly she's watching the tight leash she had on Weller fray and snap, and she knows she'll never reel him back in again. Whereas my precious Jane can barely believe her ears-- she's so used to all her ideas and suggestions being ignored or smacked down, and her feelings disregarded, but not anymore. All that's changing now that Weller's head has been freed from his ass, and I absolutely love the resigned looks from all the others like 'oh we're back to this then, the Weller and Jane show" lol (but for real hallelujah)

Nawww Roman, so desperate to get out but then asking uncertainly if she's sure that letting him out is actually a good idea. And ugh she's so supportive and encouraging and assures him that she trusts him when he's worried that he'll hurt people. See that concern for the well-being of others?? That alone literally DISQUALIFIES him for a diagnosis of Antisocial Personality Disorder. Ugh. I literally want to find the biggest psych textbook I can find, open it to the page on APD, and then throw it at the shrink's face. But anyway omg-- this moment in the bullpen. I can’t. The team’s all right there; Patterson slowly pacing with an ‘I don't know if this is a good ideaaaa...’ expression on her face, Reade with his hand shoved in his pockets and a ‘This is totally a bad idea’ expression (and Zapata doing pretty much the same, except with arms crossed), and Nas standing off to the side fidgeting with her phone and looking vaguely guilty. Although lbr that's probably just her shadiness manifesting physically, so meh. But then there's freakin' Weller standing there in his nice suit looking like he's doing a practice run for when he's at the altar and Roman walks Jane down the aisle toward him. I literally cannot deal rn. And ugh then Jane gently guides Roman through the bullpen, reassuring him that though he may not have many supporters among the FBI right now, she will always support him. And lbr she knows what it's like to walk through this bullpen and have everyone eyeing you with dislike and distrust. But she was able to rise above it and earn her place back, and Roman will earn his. But aaaahhhhh Weller greets him by name and thanks (!!) him for helping them and ugh I'm really emotional about it. Though lbr he's gotta be on his best behaviour, I mean this is his future brother-in-law, after all. Patterson follows his polite lead, though is clearly uncomfortable. But I'm actually impressed with how the team rallies, putting aside their discomfort and getting down to business. (Gotta defeat those Huns). But come on, guys, don't give those looks when he mentions a gun. Literally anyone would be wanting to know if they're going to have any protection when walking in to a possible deathtrap. Of course, Jane smoothly handles the situation, throwing a brief look of gratitude at Weller as she leads Roman out to get some clothes. A look which Nas definitely doesn't miss, nor does she miss the way Weller himself watches the siblings walk away....

Speaking of this brother-sister team, damn are they looking both badass and fine as they walk into the bar. And ugh Jane is so supportive of him. Which is kinda the opposite of Remi, apparently, who is being pretty damn harsh to him in this memory while she unpacks a whole heap of C4. (Good thing New Roman knows that Jane was wiped too, and is nothing like his sister used to be!). But oh boy, this memory has just taught us that Roman and Kat were a lot more than strangers. Which is kinda sweet, but definitely not good for them right now. His "We have a problem" is so cute haha. And then Kat (who is stunning, by the way, good taste Roman) comes over and punches him in the face. And well, at least we know he doesn't immediately flip into violent mode when attacked? Also tbh he's actually doing a really good job at being out in the field, reading the situation and thinking on his feet just like Jane does. I feel so proud. And now they've managed to score a meeting with the big boss-- who we know is Bad and Dangerous bc he's beating the crap out of some guy the moment we meet him. Also Jane said earlier she'd have a gun on her but the dudes didn't say anything when they searched her-- did they just take it, or did she not have one? Idk I'm just curious. But ugh then my babies cleverly construct a story using just enough truth to be believable, giving an excuse for both his absence and any future 'unusual' behaviour. Then they broker a deal where if the bikers set up a sale and draw Shepherd out, the gang will get to keep both the money and the fancy explosives that Shepherd apparently wants. And ugh I'm so proud of my baby Roman, bluffing that he knows where to get the explosives and agreeing to the bikers coming along to steal it. My puppy is doing so well. And then just to remind us again how Scary this biker dude is, he shoots the unconscious form of the dude he's been beating. Better keep working on those poker faces, guys, because I saw the utter empathy from both of you just then ugh

Back at the lab, the team is chastising Roman for doing things the way he did, and while I'm kinda like ‘leave him alone guys he did his best’, I do appreciate that one of their main arguments is that he could have gotten Jane killed. Because they CARE. They don't want to see anything happen to her because she's one of them and I'm so emotional about it. Anyway Zapata raises a very good point, one that I've been waiting for someone to mention-- basically that Shepherd herself probably won't show for the sale anyway, but Weller points out that capturing any Sandstorm operative would be a huge help to them. I like that Roman is kind of excluded from that category, and I know it's pretty much only bc he has no memories of it, but still. And then Patterson makes it clear that the only way to get this military-grade explosive is to steal it, and Nas is all ‘meh so they'll steal it’ and walks out to start some shady dealings, and pretty much everyone stares after her like she's just grown another head. Are you really surprised, guys?? Nas doesn't exactly give a shit about doing things by the rules... rules other than her own, anyway. And then Patterson and Zapata are all 'we can't give real explosives to a biker gang and a terrorist group' but Weller knows Jane's right when she says they’ll test whatever they do get and won’t react well to fakes, so they need to use the real stuff.

Reade admits to Zapata about Freddy's ex and how both of them were feeling guilty, and as usual she immediately defends what he did and tries to convince him to let it go, bc she knows that if he’s not careful, he'll let his guilt grow into a self-destructiveness that could have huge consequences. And speaking of that kind of guilt, Patterson approaches Nas about wanting to be present for the Sandstorm trap, and her guilt over Borden and ughhhh my baby is hurting so much (damn you Borden!!!) but it's interesting how her words kind of describe the S1 Weller/Jane situation a tiny bit (Weller's feelings for Jane clouding his judgement, blinding him to reality, and vice versa) and apparently also describe Nas's experience at the NSA. So the Sandstorm mole in her department was her lover? Interesting. I wonder if the shrink worked with her there too, and that's how she got her injury? But anyway yaaaasss Patterson getting (rightfully) angry at Nas for being blind to Borden's betrayal bc she was too busy spying on the rest of them-- finally someone calls her on it! You go, Patterson.

Oooooh I am so here for Weller calling Jane aside, his hand lingering unnecessarily at her back as he draws her away from Roman, the sad-hearteyes fixed on her as he tells her to be careful, not to let her guard down around Roman. And then ugh "I know you want Roman to be something different, but you have to treat him like any dangerous asset, the same way I treated you when I found out who you were". Ugh, I love the implication here that he didn't really want to treat her like he did, but treated her how he felt he had to. (After she came back, I mean. That night he arrested her he wasn't really thinking through his actions at all). And then ugh she calls him Kurt and insists that Roman wouldn't hurt her and that he is capable of love and I love how balanced their exchanges are now? They're totally on the same level, no bitterness or pain between them. Just two people who know each other as well as they know themselves. And aaahhh Weller is honest about his concerns that Roman is manipulating her and manipulated Kat, too, the way ‘she manipulated Jeffrey Cantor’, aka using his feelings for her to get what she wanted. I LOVE that he knows that wasn't the case with him. Everything between them was real, he knows that now. But ugh I love the look Roman throws at Weller as he and Jane get in the elevator. Lbr, he knows Weller is in love with her-- he doesn't need his memories to know that, not when it’s written all over Weller’s face.

Nawww Roman telling the bikers the plan and answering all their questions so confidently and ugh I am so proud of my lil puppy. Also lol I love the fact that Mr Scary Biker Man is scared of Shepherd. And then aaahhh they all head off and Kat rides with Roman, and "How come you never came back for me?"//"You ever came looking". Damn, boy, you're smooth! Also uh oh she just gave him a gun, hope he won't need to use it... but duuuuude this whole bike-to-truck thing is crazy! How did he know he'd even be able to do that??? I can't believe he didn't lose his balance and splat on the road lol. And then omg the drivers are Weller and Reade????? Oh geeeezzzzz this can't go well. Jane doesn't look surprised at all to see them, though, so I'm guessing it was part of the plan? And so the bikers now have the explosives, but in a shocking-- lbr not all that shocking-- twist, Roman now has to kill Weller and Reade. Sigh guys, are you really telling me you didn't think this miiiight happen if you were witnesses to this whole thing? The two of them look shocked, but that just might be their acting (nice work boys) whereas Jane's pokerface definitely slips into genuine fear for them both, before she quickly covers and tries to talk the bikers out of it without making it too obvious that she's trying to protect them. But my puppy Roman knows that if he doesn't kill them, the bikers will kill all four of them, so he takes a chance, the only one that will ensure his sister survives and hopefully that he and Weller and Reade do as well. I'd like to think that he noticed their puffy-looking jackets and realised that they had vests on underneath, but maybe it was just a solid guess. And ugh I just want to hug my baby Jane, because while she doesn't make a sound I can practically see the anguished scream echoing behind her eyes as the two of them fall to the ground. In that moment, she thinks she's lost both the man she loves and a man who's like family to her, plus she thinks that it's her fault and that she was wrong about Roman, and is now still in danger of losing her own life, and on top of that, will be shunned by the rest of her FBI family. Basically, if that moment had been real, Jane would have literally just lost everything. Ugh, can we give her a hug yet? She's still staring at Weller's body when Roman grabs her and pulls her away, and I bet he didn't miss the way she flinched when he touched her. Ugh my baby, it's all okay, he would never hurt your family unless he had no choice, he's just doing what he has to do to protect you! Ngl tho, when he first shot them I was like WHAT!?!?? and then my immediate thought was ‘maybe blanks??’ and then I was like wait no that's not possible bc it was a real gun and then honestly my brain was still freaking out by the time they started picking themselves off the floor and then I was finally like ohhhh rigggghhttt, vests exist haha. I love Reade's "He knew we were wearing vests, right??" Yeah just go with that, Reade, because that's probably the more comforting option. Oooooohh but now Jane is super pissed at Roman, but she can't deny the sense in his words when he said that it was better to risk shooting them in the vest than hesitating too long and having all four of them get shot in the head. Apparently their little ruse worked, too, because the bikers have set up a meeting with Shepherd for later that night. Kat pulls Roman away for a second, and ugh he's sweet with her and honestly even though I'm super hopeful (aka trash) for Roman/Zapata, I'm really kinda shipping these two rn. Like they clearly really cared about each other?? I love seeing more Roman backstory. I wonder what happened that morning that he was supposed to come meet her? Did Remi stop him, or Shepherd?

They’re back at the FBI now and tbh I’m bummed that we didn’t get to see the scene where Jane and Roman arrive and see Weller and Reade alive and (mostly) unharmed. Is someone gonna fic it, or?? (Please don’t make me do it lol). But anyway aww Jane takes Roman back to his cell, and she knows that he remembered something, and oohhh there's a little bit of tension between them bc he's still got the memory of Remi's treatment of him in his head, plus he feels like the team is still viewing him as the enemy. "You still trust me, right?" Ugh. I really hope he believes that she's being honest when she says yes...

Lol Weller sitting at his desk in a shirt with two bulletholes in it. And ugh Jane watches him through the glass for a second and it's clear she's so guilty that he got hurt and worried that he'll be angry at her or Roman for it and ughhh she's so apologetic as she comes in and then ugh "I'm so thankful that you’re both okay-- when he shot you, I thought--" SHE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD. SHE THOUGHT SHE'D JUST LOST THE MAN SHE LOVES. HELP ME. But thankfully he instantly assures her that Roman made the right call, and that must also be a relief, knowing that her brother wasn't going to face a lynchmob for kinda gambling with their lives. But ugh then the ever-perceptive Jane (who also is just very attuned to Weller, lbr) asks if something else is going on, bc she can tell there's something upsetting him. And for a moment he brushes it off just like he would have earlier this season, and in that time she's learned to obey the dismissal when it's given, so she’s about to leave but then (hallelujah) Weller gives in and confides in her like he used to, admitting that Allie's moving to Colorado. And ughhhh you can see the instant panic and distress in Jane's eyes as she stumbles through asking him whether he's going too, because no no no no please no-- and then ugh the way she lets out a tiny relieved breath when he says he's staying. She was seriously terrified for a second there that he was going to leave and she'd never see him again. And then as he admits that his place sudenly feels really empty now that there's not gonna be a baby in it, the Jane hearteyes come out, and ugh honestly I think I love them even more than the Weller hearteyes. They're very different, more of a 'I know you will never be mine but I love you with everything that I am and I always will and I would sell my soul in a heartbeat if it meant you would be happy'. UGHHHH SHE JUST LOVES HIM SO MUCH. SO FREAKIN MUUUUUCHHHHH. And she's halfway through saying something sweet and genuine to comfort him and suddenly Zapata's interrupting (what, were Patterson and Nas too busy to perform their usual interrupting duties???) and so now the Feels wil have to wait bc the sting is onnn

Is it just me or is Weller looking very tense?? You know, almost like the woman he loves is walking straight into a potentially deadly situation?? Oh wait... But lol lbr he'd be in there in a heartbeat if there was any sign of anything going wrong. You can bet that he placed himself and Reade-- aka the two big tough men-- at the position closest to be able to get in there and provide help quickly, while Nas and Zapata are sentries around the back or whatever. I'm pleased that there has been very little Nas/Weller teaming up lately, and this time there's not even the potential explanation of Zapata and Reade avoiding each other to account for this split, bc they're all cool now. Maybe it’s because the use that Weller and Nas had for each other has passed... But anyway oh boy, this deserted bar is not a good sign for the amnesiac siblings. And Kat looks piiiissed, even more so when she raises a gun. Ooooh boy the jig really is up. Kat knows Roman's off, apparently because he didn't want to shoot the guys earlier, and because he held her hand. Idk about you, lady, but that kinda seems like an improvement overall?? And Jane agrees: "He's different now, ever since he got shot. He's better." Ugh but that little look Roman gives her when she says it-- I mean, it's kind of praise but also not? Like a 'yay she likes who I am but wow how little did she think of me before?' kinda thing? And then Roman spills the beans about the FBI while Jane is there beside him like 'oh shit', and meanwhile outside Nas is saying they need to go in now-- but Weller (rightly) waves her off without even a moment's pause because "Jane knows what she's doing". Hell yeah, look at all that beautiful support from hubby. And lol devil lady don't think I didn't see that expression on your face. Your witchy words used to have power over Weller, but not anymore. Jane is his talisman, and his love for her not only makes him better in every way, it makes him immune to you as well. To quote King Theoden: You have no power here! lol. But anyway as we're watching the inexorable crumbling of one pairing (I refuse to say 'ship' in regards to them bc imo they don’t qualify) we’re watching another one teeter on the edge-- Roman is all puppy-eyed and spouting ‘I love yous’ and Kat is wavering in her determination to kill them, and Jane is basically in the background trying to be as unobtrusive as possible bc she knows even one wrong look could get them both shot and god I hope she’s picturing Weller in that moment and hoping that she’ll one day get to tell him how she feels and then the scene switches to the other room and BAM there's the gunshots and lol I love all the biker dudes just chillin' and sipping their beer. And then aaaaaah Kat comes out and turns on her own gang for Roman and ughhhhhh I feel like this means things are about to go really badly for her. Ugh, the poor girl. Seems like this show really has a theme about suffering for the ones we love. Anyway lol at the mayhem twins being sprawled over various bits of furniture, like good work guys you're so convincing haha. And then omg they're fighting the guys (lucky only two came in) and I don't think I appreciated this the first time round (literally how do you people deal with watching live?? And only once?? I'm constantly pausing and rewinding when I watch) but anyway Jane pulls a flag off the wall and then uses it as a weapon against her opponent??? Like damn, that was badass. And then Kat literally kills a guy that she's probably known for years to prevent him from going in to join the fight??? Dude. Of course Weller sees the gunfire from outside and is immediately into his MUST SAVE WIFEY mode. Have to say though, said wifey is doing just fine at taking care of herself-- and of her brother-- given that she literally just smashed a chair over a guy to protect an incapacitated Roman. PROTECTIVE SIBLINGS UGHHHHH. But nooooo Kat's been shot (told you she would suffer for loooovee) and Roman doesn’t even notice the presence of the final shooter as he runs to her side-- but thankfully bro-in-law is not about to let anything happen to his wifey's favourite brother, and bursts in and takes the guy out before he can shoot Roman. Jane's in the room seconds later, locking eyes with hubby over the barrels of their guns (well, at least they've got protection for all that intense eye-sexing) and ugh my baby Roman is reassuring Kat and idc if he feels like a fraud, I'm glad she died believing he loved her. And tbh I don't think he was as unaffected as his abrupt turnaround made him seem. I like that he immediately hands off his gun to Weller, and Weller just accepts his determination to get the job done and rolls with it while Jane is still mentally (or rather, emotionally) catching up. Ugh, this trio is going to be the death of me, I just know it.

As they race to the meet point, the invaluable Patterson gives Weller the lowdown while Jane stares at Roman, and then as soon as there's a quiet moment, she checks if he's okay-- with Weller intently listening in. Honestly no one can see how much Jane cares about Roman without instantly becoming a little bit more smitten with her, so it must wreak havoc on Weller’s already Jane-owned heart lol. Roman then mentions his need to ask Shepherd why she erased his memory, leading to some intense Jeller eye contact in the rear-view. I love that it's not like a guilty glance between co-conspirators; it's more her saying 'I hate that I did this thing and I can't get through it without your support' and him being like 'I know you did this thing because I asked you to and I promise I won't let you carry the weight alone'. Literally no one can convince me it was otherwise lol. Anyway the whole FBI team arrives at the meet point-- SWAT guys and all-- but do we all notice who is front and center, making the calls? Weller... and Jane. Zapata, Reade, and Nas are all a couple of steps back, and the Mere Mortals are even further behind them. And then when everyone fans out, Nas is with Jeller, but still stuck behind as they move together, side by side. As they flank the door, they realise simultaneously that it hasn't been opened in years, and then-- dun dun dun-- they discover that they're too late and Sandstorm has already been and gone, taking the explosive and leaving all the dead bikers. If this ain’t a ‘well, shit’ moment, idk what is lol

Back at the lab, the team is not having a happy time, but I am very much enjoying watching frustrated Weller in his bullet-riddled shirt (dear god please keep the shirt for posterity reasons. Bring it out on holidays/family occasions when you and Roman are arguing about which football team is better or something and be all like "Remember when you shot me?? You don't get to have an opinion!" lol) I mean idk, I'm just really attached to this shirt. I'm sentimental about things like that... bullet riddled shirts, Jane-sized duffelbags, etc... But anyway, damn, Jane is leaning against some pillar thing and even in her dejected state she still looks damn good. Though I do prefer her more natural look, she has really been rocking the dark lipstick and all-black/leather outfit. Damn. But anyhow now the team is debating how Sandstorm could be staying one step ahead of them, and lol literally everyone in the team gets to have input (Patterson's being particularly sad, about how she sweeps for bugs every morning and that maybe there's another mole in the NYO) and then it finally gets to Nas' turn and Weller just totally cuts her off before she even gets three words out. Heheheh that's right, Lady Wormtongue doesn't deserve to have an opinion. And then when she eventually gets to speak-- telling them all that they'll get the explosives back and somehow find Sandstorm, she gets nothing but chilly silence haha. Yaaaassss team. FREEZE HER OUT. DO IT.

Oooooh Mr Grumpy has headed to his office for some Serious Brooding Time (there's even teeth-gnashing and furniture-abusing involved) and we all cross our fingers, hoping for Jane to appear and soothe him as only she can... aaaand instead Nas appears. Boooooo. We’re treated to some insincere apologies and a flimsy explanation of them clouding each others' judgement, and lol I love that she thinks he used the HMX as bait bc she asked him to. Oh, honey, I thought you were supposed to be perceptive??? Literally everyone could see he did that for Jane, just as he let Roman out in the field for Jane. He's back on Jane's side now, and let’s be real now, you know it. Which means you know that being in a relationship* (*term used very lightly) with him is no longer of use to you, because it is no longer an effective means of controlling him. Don't even try to deny that you created this entanglement solely to prevent him getting re-involved with Jane (and also probably to get some good sex out of the deal, lbr here) and now that it is completely failing in its original purpose, you're cutting ties. That's just smart resources management, and you’re nothing if not methodical. But oh man I’m getting a good chuckle out of the line "we have feelings for each other, of course we do". Mmmmm-hmmm. That was so convincing. But loooollll Weller's like 'So that's it then' and literally does nothing to fight it, doesn't offer up any argument, actually almost looks pleased?? Lbr I would have rathered Weller be the one to break things off but this way works for me just fine, bc it's clear that he broke things off emotionally (if they ever even existed emotionally) quite some time ago...

Aaaaand speaking of nonsensical and emotionless pairings, Reade-- who just happens to have his damn fine chest on display at this moment-- has an unexpected visitor. Freddy's ex (do we have a name for her yet? Calling her Freddy's ex makes me uncomfortable) comes in, while valiantly keeping her eyes up top. Well, mostly. Dw girl, no one is perfect. But anyhow as she cries about being afraid Freddy is dead and having contributed to it, Reade tells half-truths and tries to assuage his own guilt by reassuring her. Following which she becomes VERY concerned with the state of his chest, fussing over bruises that tbh could just be very determined hickeys. But then she touches the ~bare chest~ and seals the Coital Prophecy-- you know, the one where two characters (generally) of opposite genders, regardless of actual connection to one another, become powerless to resist getting it on after one of them touches the other in an area usually covered by clothes? But well, there's just no going back now, because he basically told her ‘you're not a nuisance’ and we all know that's actually code for ‘why aren't we already naked’. But for real dude, I hope you washed your sheets after last night's romp with bar girl... and don't forget that little talk we had about protection! Safety first!!! (please I can’t handle any more baby drama)

Thankfully the next scene is already 50000000x more enjoyable, and so far all it involves is Jane standing in a doorway. I am very supportive of this, and of literally anything she does. And then ugh she goes and joins Roman on the floor, and he instantly admits that he lied to Kat about being in love with her, and seems dejected at the thought that he might never have really felt anything for her and asks what's wrong with him. Oh, honey. A person without empathy or emotions would never even think to ask those questions in the first place, or be worried about the answers. And Jane, speaking from experience, tells him that feelings can't just appear like memories; they have to develop. And may I just send a big kudos to whichever brilliant person in the sound-editing department put a tiny snippet of the Jeller theme in there at that moment?? Bless you, you subtle geniuses. This conversation also says a lot about her relationship with the team vs her 'relationship' with Oscar (which I still believe was devoid of any feelings other than Jane needing to get comfort from SOMEWHERE while also needing to get info out of Oscar. Two birds, one stone, so they say). But oh man am I so relieved that Roman actually tells her that Remi was the reason he and Kat were separated, because it gives her a chance to show that she's not like Remi-- she doesn't want the same things for him that Remi did, and she is constantly trying to make up for the things that Remi is responsible for. Much like he will have to make up for what Old Roman did. And then ughhhhh she tells him not to stay fixated on who he was, but to try to embrace who he is now-- and ugh it literally seems like she's telling him what she wishes she could go back and tell herself the night she met Oscar. Chasing the past nearly cost her her future, and now that she's getting another chance at it, she's not going to let anything stop her. And ugh she promises to get him out and tells him she really believes he loved Kat and ughhh my babies I love you both so much

Damn, dark-side Borden is still pressing my buttons. I can’t help it! But anyway I’m intrigued by this increasing screen-time for this Parker guy-- who tells Borden he's there to see this country burn, aka just basically regurgitating Sandstorm's tagline-- it makes me wonder if he's actually not all he seems? Maybe he has managed to infiltrate Sandstorm (anyone notice that their name shortens to SS??) in a way Jane wasn't able to, and is secretly working against them. Either way, I'm intrigued to see what his future role will be. I'm also appreciative that he and Borden are filling in the scenes that would otherwise require Shepherd in them. Any ep that I don’t have to look at her face is a good one imo

AaaaaaaahhhhhHHHHH. I'd already seen the spoiler pics before watching this ep; had already been waiting all episode for Jane to show up at Weller's door. But for a moment when he opens it, I’m still struggling to believe it’s really happening. Jeller. Happily hanging out, alone, after work hours. Oh how I have missed this dynamic. But lbr even before we see Jane's face, we know it's her at the door, because his eyes go from surprise to HEARTS HEARTS HEARTS in like 0.00001 of a second lol. And Jane's leaning there, looking all casual, acting like her heart isn't racing and stomach isn't swirling with butterflies over the fact that it's been a long time since they had this kind of interaction and she can't be sure she's allowed to step into this territory (both figurative and literal) again and ugh just think how much guts it would have to take to reach out like this when he'd rejected her or frozen her out so many times since she'd been back?? But lbr she's always been pretty in tune with this thing between then and she can tell, now, that it's different again, that it's back to how it used to be. Or maybe even better than it was then, because there's no 'Taylor' in her that's making the focus of his affections unclear. And of course, the Assistant Director of the Jane Fanclub (the director being me, obviously) would never dream of turning her away, not anymore or ever again, and he's showering her with those heart eyes while she shyly finishes her sentence from their conversation hours ago-- because she's precious and adorable and wants to support him and reassure him ughhhh-- and then ugh in literally one of the bravest acts we've seen her do (and lbr ‘Brave’ is practically Jane's middle name) she brings him his favourite beers-- which she would have OBVIOUSLY have had to go out and buy for THIS VERY SPECIFIC PURPOSE, since it's not like New Yorkers have Pennsylvanian beer just lying around-- and ughhhh this is the best olive branch (slash date-invitation??) ever and oh man I seriously need to know how long she's had those beers and how long she's been wanting to do this and aaaaahhhhh Weller must be like 'thank GOD that foolishness with Nas is over' (I know we are) and ughhh he invites her right in and omg they're finally getting to have those 'drinks' they owed each other (technically didn't he owe her? Like you said last season, you’re racking up the debt, buddy). But aaahhhhh someone save me bc they both look so HAPPY and relaxed but also a little excited and Jane's hearteyes are killing me because legit I have never seen anyone be such a literal manifestation of 'to gaze adoringly'?? I feel like she's been suppressing these heart eyes as best she could during this last two weeks since she got back from Sandstorm-- since Weller realised what a jackass he'd been and started showing her that he really does care about her-- and she just can't hold them back anymore and ugh it's so beautiful. And then ugh my big silly baby totally overplays his 'bullet wounds' (too bad he didn't have his shirt unbuttoned like Reade, eh??) leading to some sweet little flirty banter and ughhhhhh now it's his turn to gaze adoringly as she asks him to give Roman a window or let him go for a walk or something, and lbr if he could, he would do literally anything she asked just because he wants to make her happyyyyyy. I'm so glad our big stupid son finally made it back to this point. And ughhh I am so upset at these two idiots and the way they're smiling at each other all goofily while they drink their dumb beer and then OMG SHE SEES THE FILES THAT SANDSTORM HAS ON WELLER. FINALLY. I think we've literally all been yelling "WHY AREN'T YOU SHOWING THIS SHIT TO JANE?????" ever since he found out about its existence. And then they move over to the table together and she gets adorably excited to see his yearbook thing (this literally feels like looking at your boyfriend's baby photos lol) and within two seconds she has found him. Because of course she has, she's been seeing that face in both her waking life and dreams ever since she came out of the bag (and apparently long before that, in her previous life), so of course she'd know him anywhere. He’s her person. And ugh he jokes that he could have gone pro with ball and she actually giggles and then gazes up at him as he talks about the game, the heart eyes so intense that she's practically glowing with it (you know that fuzzy glow around the sun on really hot days? Yeah, picture that) and then she looks back down at the page and BAM. Shepherd is in the crowd. And Weller REMEMBERS her. And just like that, the connection between these two has given them a HUGE break in their fight against Sandstorm. (Which lbr we all knew was going to happen and was exactly why the writers never had Jane look at this stuff before now.) Also don't even get me started on the fact that he and Jane achieved together in moments what he and Nas hadn't been able to do in weeks. Symbolism, much???????

But anyway that's pretty much all the rambling I have for today because all the rest is just incoherent screaming about having my show and beloved characters back lol so see you next time for more Jeller perfection aaaahhhhhh

#Blindspot #Jeller #Blindspot recap #this episode!!!!!!#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I am overwhelmed

38 notes · View notes

babygirlblogging-lise-blog · 5 years ago

Text

My First

I failed my driving test.

That was in the fall of 2017, I was a senior in high school. All of my friends were getting their licenses and cars while I was stuck being a passenger. The woman who failed me thought I wasn’t confident enough. Like damn, can’t even be nervous without being penalized these days huh? She failed me for the most ridiculous shit. But that has nothing to do with the story I plan on telling.

A few weeks before my eighteenth birthday I tried again. This was something I needed to do before I turned 18. Giving up wasn’t an option. There was no way I wanted to retake my written if I didn’t pass before I was considered a legal adult. The guy who tested me this time? He was fine as hell and now that I think about it, I was supposed to text him when I turned eighteen. I lost his number, sadly. But that also has nothing to do with the story. I want to tell you the story about the first guy I-

-’ve always been cheap. I was ten when my aunt was going to get a new car. I convinced her to save her old car for me so that when I started driving I wouldn’t have to buy a car. By the end of the summer of 2017, my grandpa fixed up the old car and I was all good to go. Free to go wherever I wanted. I no longer had to wait around for people, waste money on lyfts or walk. So naturally, I took myself on adventures.

One night, against my better judgement. I lied to my mom and said I was going to hang out with my friends. If I would have told her what I was really going to do, she would’ve gone into over protective mode and I didn’t want that. I just wanted some time to myself. I drove over the bridge and into Philly. Not for a concert or any other event. I just wanted some me time. I parked my car. Got oreo ice cream and sugar cookies from Insomnia Cookies and walked around the city.

Not going to lie and say I knew exactly where I was at all times. I wasn’t even guaranteed that I was safe, I wasn’t focused on my surroundings. All I know is I was somewhere around Broad Street, because that’s where Insomnia Cookies was located. I came across this huge, gorgeous building, I’m not very good at names. Everything was lit up and there was art on the sides of some of the buildings surrounding it. There was even a fountain in front of it all. The scene just looked so beautiful. I walked across the street, hopped up on a ledge and just took it all in. It felt serene, even with so many people flooding the sidewalks. I sat and continued eating my snacks, I was enjoying clearing my head. Until someone interrupted me that is…

“Hey.” I looked up to see a cute guy. There were a few girls not too far from me talking. It was the beginning of August, late at night but still pushing eighty degrees. Of course they were clad in clothes that left nothing to the imagination. I figured he was talking to them. Guys like the ones who look easy. He couldn’t have been talking to me. So I went back to dipping my cookie into my ice cream and admiring the scenery. I didn’t really acknowledge the fact that he moved a little closer to me. He said hey again and I finally looked up at him directly, before looking around. He laughed a little. “I don’t blame you for being that into ya snacks. I love their shit. But I’ve been trying to get your attention for a minute.” Yep, he’s definitely talking to me. I was confused as to why though. I get hit on by guys pretty often, I know I’m not ugly but with him talking to me, I felt extremely insecure. Suddenly I wished that I had dressed a little better. I looked like a child for fucks sakes. I was wearing a gold fish shirt, black tights, a hat that said “Hoodrats” and Chucks. I was even swinging my legs off the ledge, eating ice cream!

He introduced himself as Dey. I wanted to know the name his mom gave him so I asked him for his full name. Ayinde. Pronounced Uh-zhen-day. Unique. It has African origins. He told me that my name was almost as pretty as I was. If I were white, I definitely would have blushed. I didn’t understand why he made me feel so shy.

I learned that he was mixed with Irish, Haitian and Cuban. Interesting mix, I know. Despite his slight baby face, he turned out to be 20. He was tall, about 6’1. He had taken his hat off to redo his ponytail, he tied his curly, brown hair back into a man bun. He was light skinned with a slight tan. Doe brown eyes paired with the cutest smile. He was dressed in all black, I would’ve been a little concerned if it weren’t for the logo on his hat. I could see a tattoo peeking out from under his short sleeved shirt. Just my type.

I was tired of the small talk and beating around the bush. “Why’d you come over here to talk to me?” Instead of replying, the douche just smiled and then hopped up on the ledge next to me. It was weird. I was supposed to be having me time, if any other guy did this I would’ve been rude. I wouldn’t have given them the time of day. I wasn’t even afraid, Ayinde strangely made me feel safe. Something was telling me to give him a chance, instead of shutting him down.

“Well, I was on break, I work across the street.” He points to a small cafe. “I saw you walk by and… I don’t know I thought you were beautiful. Now that I’ve gotten closer, it seems so effortless. No make up and you’re not even dressed up.”

Shit, I have no clue what to say to this. He’s been nice and respectful. “Thank you.” Well, that was lame but it was safe. We talked more before he had to go back to work. He was funny as hell, we both had the same rude, dark, sarcastic humor. He complimented me pretty often and he seemed kind of bummed that he had to leave once his break was over.

“Why don’t you grow some balls and just ask me what you wanna ask me.” I thought to myself, I should be a fucking actress. I’m great at faking confidence.

He laughed and just smiled at me for a second. “Well, I would like to get to know you more. Can I get your number?”

You know when you give someone your number, you almost expect them to wait days or weeks to text you. Surprisingly, Ayinde texted me that night.

AYINDE: hey beautiful, u get home safely?

ME: Oh shit, I see u found ur balls!

AYINDE: lol yea yea yea. I know I was acting like a pussy earlier but that’s not how I usually am

***

AYINDE: FT me? I haven’t seen u since we met punk

ME: No I look crazy rn

AYINDE: Is tht even possible? I think you’re cute af

ME: aww thanks but everyone’s entitled to their own insecurities

AYINDE: Ig but that’s y u need me

ME: wym?

AYINDE: to take away your insecurities

ME: Doubt that’s possible

AYINDE: try me

***

ME: entertain meee! I’m bored, stuck at my great grandma’s house :(

AYINDE: I literally just woke up, still in bed

ME: Luckyyy, my head’s fucking killing me

AYINDE: wish I could help

ME: me too lol do u have superpowers?

AYINDE: no, do u?

ME: Nah I’m not tht awesome

AYINDE: I think ur pretty awesome

Ayinde and I got closer over the next month. We hadn’t actually seen each other after the first time we met. He worked crazy hours and still had school. I worked everyday and had school as well. Plus, I wasn’t completely comfortable meeting up with a guy I didn’t really know. He understood that. He always made sure I was comfortable before we did anything. He eventually convinced me to facetime him… a lot... and when we didn’t he acted like a big baby.

ME: u happy now?

AYINDE: lol no

ME: y not -_-

AYINDE: I got nothing pretty to look at now

ME: whose fault it tht?

AYINDE: idk. Do u kno?

ME: Lol yea ik

AYINDE: tell me

ME: yours :P

AYINDE: well if u came over we wouldn’t have this problem

I was a very late bloomer. I knew freshmen girls who got pregnant, meanwhile I hadn’t had my first kiss until I was 16. I didn’t start dating until 17. I was a fresh 18 and I was still a virgin. I waited a while to tell him because I liked him and didn’t want to scare him off. But he surprised me, I learned that he wasn’t like other guys. Most guys only want you for one thing. And that’s to get them off. Not all are gonna be lovey dovey when you’re not putting out.

ME: I hate being a girl. I think my uterus just exlpoded. Im dying

AYINDE: Aww u can’t die yet, I havent taken u out yet

ME: wut do u want from meee

AYINDE: I told u what I want

ME: hmmmm

AYINDE: i didnt?

ME: u could have an ulterior motive

AYINDE: lol what? Ayo y cant I just think ur gorgeous and want to get to kno u, find out who u r

***

He was very protective of me. Anytime I even looked a tiny bit sad or sounded off, he was ready to beat someone up for me.

AYINDE: ur awake?

ME: Yea just woke up on some bs

AYINDE: u good?

ME: yea im ok lol

AYINDE: u sure? I’ll fuck someone up

ME: lol yea im good now

And as the oldest, always looking out for my little brothers and my friends. It felt good to have someone looking out for me for a change.

***

ME: I move into college tmw nd I aint pack shit yet

AYINDE: ur bugging

ME: Pack 4 me?

AYINDE: lol ill pass

ME: my back hurts like all hell, some of this shit is heavy

AYINDE: what u carrying…?

ME: 4 one, I hav a lot of clothes, they add up nd I had to take em downstairs

AYINDE: lol whoakay wittle wone

ME: fuck u, this shit weighs more than me! I almost fell down the stairs!

AYINDE: thts cuz ur like 87 lbs

ME: Aye! Give me my props, im like 120

AYINDE: lol i see u killa

I fucking loved when he called me that, made me feel invincible.

Despite how it seems this isn’t a love story. This isn’t a memoir about me finding my first love. Bleh. That’s so sappy. I want to tell you about the first time I stepped out of my comfort zone. You’ve experienced a snippet of our relationship. Ayinde and I were never together. We were just people who met at the wrong time. Had too much going on in our separate lives to focus on developing a relationship. But it didn’t stop us from pursuing the unique friendship we had. For years we maintained contact, I’d visit him pretty often but we always kept our distance when it came to personal things. We used each other as escapes from our realities. We were each other’s vacation after a long week.

One night we were hanging out and things got more heated than they usually did. I wasn’t prepared to take the next step with anyone. No worries, I’m not about to make you uncomfortable and talk about how I lost my virginity because that isn’t the point. Before I say anything, I did have a great childhood. But some things did leave me scarred, I struggled with intimacy as a result. To make a long story short, it makes me self conscious, not something I’ll flaunt for the whole world to see.

I’m the type of girl who will wait until the bathroom is empty to change my pad or start going to the bathroom. If it’s too busy, I’ll wait all day until I go home. In the locker room, I’d find the farthest corner or wait until all the girls leave to change my clothes. I’m not comfortable being alone around men. I used to clench my pocket knife in my hand when I walked home alone at night. The list goes on.

The point of this memoir is to tell about the first time I felt completely comfortable in my own skin. Let alone, around a guy.

They were everywhere. Trailing from my neck and back up against mine. His lips were distracting. I could barely focus. Let alone notice that the both of us were wearing less and less clothing by the minute. I stopped.

I wouldn’t be able to handle him not liking what he saw. What if I did a bad job? What if he stopped talking to me?

“Do you want me to stop?” Ayinde pulled back from me looking concerned. He looks so cute right now. I kind of wanted to pick up where we left off.

“Ye-No. It’s just, can you turn the lights completely down?” He liked his room dim, not too bright or dark. It was normally perfect but at that moment, they were making this situation turn into a nightmare.

“Um, why? What’s wrong?” He’s still hovering above me. I didn’t really want him to move. I bit my lip, contemplating.

“Just don’t look at me any differently. Okay?” I pulled him down by the back of his neck and kissed him hard. Hoping that my issues with myself wouldn’t be a big deal, I’ve never gone this far with anyone.

When the time came. I held my breath. Okay, I see my pants on the floor near the dresser. My shirt is near the door. I was locating my clothing so that I’d be able to leave quicker. I’m not really one to feel embarrassed but this was going to be borderline humiliating if I wasn’t enough for him. This reminded me of how I felt when I failed my driving test, but I wanted to do this with Ayinde. I didn’t want to quit just because I hadn’t grown the balls to show anyone else. I didn’t want to miss out because I was nervous as to what he might think. I had to at least give him a chance.

What Ayinde did shocked me. Instead of being grossed out or losing his hard on. He didn’t ask any questions, he didn’t say anything. He kissed every part of my body and when he was done he leaned down to kiss my lips. I was worried, about him seeing all of me, for no reason. He wound up giving me the confidence I needed to be comfortable in my own skin. He told me what I needed to hear from a guy that I was into, not my parents:

“You’re beautiful.”

And just like that... I didn’t have anymore insecurities.

#insecure #short story

0 notes