#and not seem to forgive myself for trying so save myself from hurt?

[hiitsm]

Bound by Trust: Navigating Turbulence Together

Part 1.

You hesitate to open up to your girlfriend about what's happening at home because you've been explicitly instructed not to share it with anyone.

Angst, Hurt, Undetailed physical abuse by a parent (reader's), lot's of Comfort & Fluff

-

Kindness

-

"Y/n, you're late?" my biology teacher exclaims as I round the corner into his classroom.

"Uh... uhm... yes, I'm sorry, I forgot to set my alarm," I stammer, my voice laced with uncertainty.

"Ah, it happens to the best of us. It's okay for this time. Please, take a seat and enjoy the class," he replies with a forgiving smile.

I rush over to where Alexia is sitting, relief washing over me when I see she has saved a seat for me. I flash her an apologetic smile. She must have been worried, knowing I'm never usually late.

"Y/n, what happened? You're never late and you also didn't reply to my texts. Please don't just say that you forgot your alarm because we both know that you never forget to set your alarm," she rambled in her own whisper-yelling voice, concern etching her features.

"I'm sorry, Ale, something came up at home and I kind of lost track of time. I haven't looked at my phone since yesterday in the evening. I should have let you know, I'm sorry for making you worry," it's your time to ramble now, your voice tinged with anxiety. You don't want to make the person you love the most worry too much about you.

Your hands still shake from the incident at home, an incident you're forbidden to discuss. You can't even share it with Alexia, your girlfriend of a month. You are feeling too afraid to do that.

Under the table, Alexia reaches out and takes your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. You've been inseparable since the start of high school, and now, as you both almost get to finish your first year of university, and as girlfriends, she understands your anxiety and knows just how to help you feel calmer.

"It's okay, amor, but please try to let me know next time," Alexia says, her eyes soft with concern. You turn to meet her gaze fully, captivated by the beautiful eyes that always seem to dissolve your worries. "I will try," you whisper back, feeling a wave of emotion that threatens to spill over.

A tear—or is it?—escapes, feeling oddly placed above your eye. As you try to discreetly wipe it away, hoping Alexia doesn't notice anything amiss, you're too late.

"Amor, what happened? You have a cut right above your eyebrow, and it's bleeding a little," Alexia notices, immediately reaching into her bag for tissues and plasters.

"Oh, it must have been from yesterday's football practice," you reply, your voice filled with uncertainty. Even though you and Alexia play on different football teams—with her being on a higher level team—you both know well that you didn’t have practice yesterday.

She doesn't press further, sensing your discomfort. Whatever happened, you're not ready to talk about it, especially not in the middle of a biology class. Alexia respects your silence, offering a reassuring squeeze to your hand, letting you know she's there whenever you're ready to share.

"Psst, Ale, psst, can I please copy your work? I don’t understand," comes a sheepish voice from behind. You and Alexia turn to see Mapi grinning awkwardly at you both.

"I'm not your cat, Mapi. And why don’t you ask your girlfriend?" Alexia responds with a playful sneer, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

"Ingrid wants me to do it myself so that I actually learn something," Mapi admits, causing you to chuckle.

"Because you should learn something on your own once in a while," Ingrid chimes in, lightly scolding her girlfriend from across the room.

You laugh along with them, feeling grateful for the camaraderie and the distraction from your chaotic morning at home.

Being at university feels like a breath of fresh air, offering both challenges and comic relief when you need it most.

"So, next class is physiotherapy in 30 minutes. You can take a break or stay here since it will be held in this classroom," your teacher announces. You turn towards your girlfriend.

"Shall we step outside for a bit to get some fresh air?" you suggest, already gathering your things. It's always better to be safe with your belongings.

"Yes, that sounds great," Alexia agrees with a smile.

Leaving Mapi and Ingrid behind as Ingrid tutors Mapi on her work, the two of you head out.

All four of you share the ambitious dream of becoming professional football players while earning degrees in sports coaching and physiology. It’s a demanding path, but your determination binds you together. Conveniently, you all live nearby the same block in Barcelona, with the university just a 15-minute drive away.

Just as you're about to head outside, Alexia catches your hand and guides you toward the school bathroom. "We need to clean that cut first and put a proper bandage on it," she insists.

You softly roll your eyes—Alexia has always been the nurturing type, always making sure you're well taken care of. It’s one of the things you find endearing about her.

As you walk outside, you can't help but notice Alexia's lingering worry, her grip on your hand tight and protective. You feel an urge to explain things to her, despite your fears and the restrictions you're under.

"Did you come on your bicycle today?" Alexia asks, her eyes catching sight of your bike in the school lot.

"Yes, I needed to get here quickly and my mom was tied up with some other things, so she couldn't drop me off," you explain. "You could’ve asked me to pick you up, amor," Alexia responds sweetly, a hint of concern in her voice. "I know, I will next time," you assure her, leaning in for a quick gentle kiss on her lips.

"Is it okay if I join your family for dinner tonight?" you ask quietly, hoping for a reason to avoid going home too soon.

"Yes, of course, amor. I'll let my mami know you're coming," Alexia replies warmly, her voice a comforting balm.

Relief washes over you at her sweet response. "My mother is a bit upset with me, it’s probably nothing, but I just don’t want to go home yet," you confess, squeezing her hand reassuringly, grateful for her understanding and support.

"Are you okay? What was she upset about?" Alexia's voice is gentle as she guides you to sit on the grass under the warm sun.

"That new football jacket I bought," you confess, feeling your cheeks heat with embarrassment. You wonder silently if your mother had a right to be upset over something you worked for and bought with your own money.

"Yes, I remember, you bought it with your own money even though I wanted to treat you. And that jacket looks stunning on you," Alexia responds in disbelief, her concern growing. "Why would she be upset about that?"

You see the frown deepening between Alexia's eyebrows and reach out to smooth it away with your fingers. "I don't know, she's just been having a few stressful days at work," you explain, hesitant to delve deeper into the subject. Alexia senses your reluctance to continue.

"Thank you for telling me. I'll always be here for you," she reassures you, squeezing your hands with a soft smile. Grateful for her support, you lean in and plant a gentle kiss on her cheek.

"I just texted my mami, she's excited to see you tonight," Alexia shares, brightening your mood instantly. Your face lights up at the news, comforted by the thought of a welcoming environment waiting for you this evening.

"I'm excited too. I'll let my mother know I'll be home a bit later," you tell Alexia, taking out your phone to send a quick message. Although you know your mother might not be thrilled about it, the thought of returning home when your father is also there brings you some peace, as things tend to be calmer with him around.

"You know," Alexia begins, her voice dropping to a shy whisper as a blush creeps over her cheeks, "if you ever need to stay over for the night, it’s really no problem." Even though you've had sleepovers before, this feels different, your romantic relationship is still quite new. "Not that we need to do anything, or sleep in the same bed, but.. erhm.. —"

You cut her off, leaning in to kiss her softly, touched by her thoughtful offer. This gesture means more to you than she might ever realize. "Thank you, amor. That means a lot," you whisper back, grateful for her understanding and support.

As you walk back to class, hand in hand, the hurt and turbulent emotions begin to ebb away. Although you know you can trust Alexia and plan to share everything with her eventually, a trace of fear and anxiety still lingers. You prepare yourself for the day when it might all become too much, but for now, you find comfort in the steady presence of your girlfriend beside you.

As you and Alexia return to the classroom, Mapi greets you with a mischievous grin.

"Okay, love birds, time to break it up for class. Let me sit next to my best friend Ale so I can 'borrow' some of her wisdom," she teases, gently nudging you towards the chair next to Ingrid.

[fatescaprice]

saving u from mr capitalist with (kind of) gut wrenching ideas from my insane brain but. can you imagine if you get into a heated argument with argenti or jingyuan and they accidentally break one of your gifts for them, it could be a complete accident like maybe accidentally hitting it off the table but how do you think they'll immediately react to it and what would they try to do to remedy the situation?

argenti and jing yuan after an argument

content warnings: none

note: thank u for the brief respite between mr capitalist asks!!! after this i am jumping back into the fray . with the leaks that came out this week i guess i shouldn't have been surprised but i learn something new every day i guess

thank u for this request . i made myself upset . also this is myfirst time writing jy so if he's a little ooc ummmm don't tell me directly im sensitive (JOKE)!!!! anyways. i hope u enjoy :]

The flash of regret in ARGENTI's eyes is both intense and immediate: a stinging shock, like the thorn of a rose piercing his skin. He says time and time again that he would do nothing to forsake you, and yet… Ah, had he grown so blind in his search for Idrila that he forgot the beauty he holds in his arms each night?

He reaches out for you first, as he always does — his gaze searching almost desperately to meet yours, his hand reaching to brush your cheek. Love, please, look at him, he’ll do anything you wish, as long as you just say the word. Believe him when he says he's already long forgotten what you had been arguing about to begin with — Argenti had lost the second he saw the pang of hurt cross your face.

Good words and deeds are normally his strong suit, but seeing the hurt look on your face made him falter, hesitant. He wants to prove himself deserving of you again, he'll say, taking your hands delicately, like glass — so please, tell him what he must do. Shall he fell a great beast? Bring you a pearl from the deepest seas of Thalassa? Now and always, he’s your loyal knight, forever at your beck and call. No task would be too great, no distance too wide — all Argenti wants is to be worthy to wipe away the tears from your cheeks again.

JING YUAN’s regret flows inwards, towards himself — was this behaviour fitting of a general? Was this behaviour worthy of you? He seems almost resigned, contemplative, though in the heat of the moment it comes off more like indifference.

That doesn’t mean he is indifferent, though — the implication that he doesn’t care about you hurts him more than any conceivable mortal words or blades. No, he just thinks it’s better that you both have some space, so neither of you can say anything you might regret. He has far too many of those already, and he doesn’t want you to be another entry on that list.

He’ll little gifts for you, quite like a cat leaving things at your door — an apology, a peace offering, a sign of his devotion. A box of your favourite food from that place you frequent in the Exalting Sanctum, or a piece of jewellery you had mentioned wanting to buy. Jing Yuan knows he can’t win you over with gifts — neither of you are so shallow — but he hopes that when he comes to your door with more than just an apology on his lips, you’ll come to forgive him.

[bangchansgirlsblog]

Him.

Warning: Abuse, Angst/comfort, crying, blood.

Pairing: Hyunjin x reader

Summary: Hyunjin saves you from an abuse relationship.

Hey😆 if you don’t like graphic things please don’t read. Thank you! Not the best one shot but yeah hope you enjoy it :))

-🩷

**

"Alex please! I'm sorry!" I yelp as I scrumble on the floor trying to get away from my now angry boyfriend. My hands trembled and my body was now vigorously shaking on the ground.

This had been going on for 30 minutes and I was exhausted and dehydrated. My hands were slippery from the blood that laid on them. All my senses were gone at this point but he kept going and going.

"You'll be actually sorry when I'm done with you," his fist connecting with my chin as I scream in pain from the constant beating of his hands against my limbs. His steps were loud and his breathing was even louder. His face occasionally getting really close to mine.

"Please forgive me! I didn't mean it! Alex please!" I get on all my fours and take a few crawls away from his standing figure but his hands wrapped around around my ankle and yanked me back to his body.

He had a smirk on his face. He enjoyed this. I knew he did but the constant manipulation and lying words tricked my mind into thinking that maybe he was just stressed or tired or maybe I did something to trigger him whenever this would happen.

This time was done I know I had to get away somehow. I knew that if I didn’t leave him I would end up dead or I could put anyone at risk with him around.

I’m ripped away from my thoughts and prayers when his voice booms into my eardrums. A ringing sound now playing really loudly.

"You think you can be a little slut huh?! You think you can get away with this shit?! You're fucking pathetic!"

My eyes are glued to his body. His arms were both grasping and digging into my flesh. Small whimpers are leaving my mouth. I couldn’t see anything due to the tears that fogged my site but I knew he was so proud of himself.

He knew he could control me. He thought I wouldn’t leave him but this time I was thinking about it. Thinking about getting here alive.

I pray that it’s all over when he just glared at me and it is when he spits on me and walks away. His saliva is hot against my face. My body laying on the ground as I tried to get energy to get up. I slowly look up to see if he was still In the room but thankfully he was gone.

The slamming front door confirms it.

The world seemed to be moving in slow motion. The plate that was once neatly stacked with food was now on the floor and shattered.

Pillows were everywhere and the painting Hyunjin had made me was now ripped on the floor.

Heavier sobs leave my mouth as I slowly get up but I’m unable to. My body wouldn’t allow it. My shaking arms couldn’t support the weight. My breathing was getting worse but the sound is covered with my phone was ringing non stop.

Hyunjin's name popping up time and time again.

The warm sension of blood oozed from my nose. The throbbing pain of my nose and now black eye lingered. My body ached.

This was a normal thing tho. Alex didn't have the best temper and I knew that. It was my fault.

I knew he didn't like his food served at this hour but yet I thought that if I somehow convinced him to eat now I could go out later to hangout with the guys. He didn’t like them at all but he always found himself around us trying to make a point about who could come near me and who couldn’t.

I slowly help myself up by leaning on the couch.

My arms were bruised and the breaths I would try to take hurt really bad. Tears continued to roll down my cheeks. I limp towards the messy area trying to clean it before he came back. Before he would have another reason to snap.

The apartment was quiet. Khami was locked in his cage. The lights were dim and the kettle was boiling.

It was the knock on the door that got me out of my trance. My neck snapping towards it.

Who could be out there? Everyone knew not to come announced. The more I thought about it the more scared I got. Was it the neighbor? Did someone call the cops?

I try to avoid the door but the knocks get more frantic and loud. Hyunjin's voice now coming through.

"Y/n?! Y/n it's me! Please open the door. Are you hurt?! I can see your shoes out here! I know you’re in there!”

**

I was in the kitchen when Alex had come into the room. He was wearing his work suit and a smile played on his lips. He placed a kiss on my forehead and sets his briefcase on the table.

"Hey love, how was your day?" He asks. I look over at him and give him a tiny smile.

"It was good and yours?" I automatically ask him. My hands were stirring the cooking pot and the kettle of warming water sat besides the sauce pan.

"Yeah just tired,” he tans and furrows his eyebrows while looking at his watch “what are you doing?"

I run my hands nervously and turn towards him.

"Oh I'm just making you a plate of food before I go,"

"Go where?" His eyes furrow and I gulp, "remember I told you that I was going out with the guys? You let me go,”

"Go where? I don't remember this," his eyes squint "why would you go out with the boys?"

"Baby remember when I asked you?" I frown and look up at him. My hands play with the strings from the apron.

"You’re not going-" his voice is firm and now he is towering over me.

"But babe-"

"I said you’re not going and it's final," he snaps before turning around and leaving the room.

I let out a sigh thinking that maybe he was just in a bad mood but nevertheless a no was a no.

I put everything down and pull out to phone Chan who wasn't picking up so the next best option was Hyunjin.

"Hyunjin?" I say softly,

"Hey! How are you?" He beams through the phone. His voice was soft yet excited. The thought of no seeing them hurt my heart. I had been avoiding them due to the clear visual bruises that lay on my body from the fight I had gotten in either Alex a few days ago.

They were all so attentive when I was around them so I knew it wasn’t a good idea to be around when I was covered in bruises. Too many questions.

I begin to explain, "Oh I just come today, I'm sorry-"

"What? This is the 3rd time you've cancelled this week," his voice is layered with confusion, “are you trying to avoid me because of the kiss?”

My heart stops beating for a second and butterflied start to invade my stomach. It was definitely not because of that. I start to blush, I feel it.

"No Hyun it’s because Alex-"

"Who the fuck are you talking to?" A voice booms causing me to jump. I turn to see Alex stood by the door. His frame covering everything.

"It's no one Alex it's just Hyunjin,” I try to explain,

"Hello? Y/n? Is that Alex?" I hear Hyunjin's voice from the other side of the phone before glass shatters causing me to drop the phone.

"What the fuck is your probekm you bitch?!" He yells and charges at me.

"Alex no! I was just-"

I feel a hot sting on my cheek and my body being pulled by my hair to the living room.

I let out a scream causing him to let go and put his palm against my mouth

“Shhh don’t say a word, why the fuck are you telling Hyunjin about our business? Huh?! Is he part of our relationship?!” My eyes go wide and I frantically shake my head no. I can fear the tears starting to form in my eyes.

He lets go of my mouth and I take on a deep breathe trying to regulate my breathing. Trying to get away but my body is thrown to the floor.

“Alex please! Please I won’t do it again! I’m sorry,” a squeal leaves my mouth as I grab my rib cage that was now on fire because of the impact.

His eyes were dark and his fists were clenched and red from the previous fights we had gotten into. He was wearing his normal sweatpants, Shirt and his hair was a mess.

“Do you think you can play me?!” His voice booms through the room.

“No no no , I love you Alex-“

“Then act like it!” He is calm for a second before charging at me again causing me to scream in fear, “You’re the fucking problem. You little pathetic nobody!” His hand wraps around my neck trying to grab me off the floor.

My hands automatically try to remove his finger but his grip is too tight causing me to lack air. Not to breathe.

“Seems you don’t listen? Today I’m going to discipline you again.”

**

“H-Hyunjin go away please!” I whisper through the door.

“No Y/n! open the door right now or I’m calling the cops,” he threatens. My body goes cold, what could I possibly do?

“No no no! Please don’t!” Panic feels me before my shaky hands slowly open the door and a peep through the little crack.

“What is it hyun?” I whisper. I examine him. His wearing a flannel and some jeans. His airforces on and his jyp budge attached to his shirt meaning he had come from the studio.

“I heard everything Y/n open then door please?” His eyes are soft, warm and glistening.

“No-no you can’t Alex-“ by the time I try to finish the sentence he had managed to push himself through, frantically looking around the room.

“Is that son of a bitch gone?” He looks over at me when his done looking around the room.

“Yes yes- Hyunjin you have to go- he might be back-“ he takes a step back and looks at me in horror.

“Your face-“ he gasps then proceeds to step closer to me.

Sobs leave my mouth again. I try to hide it with my sleeves, “No don’t look at me-“

“I’m killing this motherfucker.” His body is tensed up and his jaw clenches.

His hands reach out to examine me. My face but I wince and try to step back.

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t be here on time my love, this is my fault, I knew he wasn’t okay! Fuck. Are you okay? What hurts? Let me see please princess? Let me take care of you-“ he pulls me on his body but I try to resist. This doesn’t let him let go though.

“Hyunjin-“

“It’s okay, it’s okay” is all he says and that makes me fall against his body. It was overwhelming. I was tired. I was crying. I was a mess. I was in pain. Really bad pain. My chest hurt. He carries me to the couch before examining the bruises even more. His eyes squinting. The room is silent only a few barks from Khami.

His hair was in a ponytail and his nails were painted in black. The little things I was noticing as I stared at him trying to make out what his face was saying or what his brain was thinking.

He gets up and gets the first aid kit and some cleaning supplies before sitting back down.

“I’m going to touch you okay? And it might hurt but I’m just cleaning you up okay?” I just nod trying not to fight or say anything.

“We’re leaving, you’re going to stay with me until we can find you an apartment and you’re leaving this bastard.”

“But he’ll find me Hyunjin,” I cry in a panic.

“Hey hey hey, even if he does, which he won’t. I’ll whoop his ass and give him a big beating. Nothing will happen, plus his going up against 8 boys I think we can take him,”

“What about-“ I wince when he puts a bandage on my arm. My concentration now turning to the throbbing wrist.

“No I’m not taking no for an answer. You’re coming with me, stay here.” He gets up and I watch him closely. He enters Alex’s room and disappears. Knowing I couldn’t argue with him I knew I had to get Khami because that witch would try and hurt him. I limp over to Khami’s cage and get him out. He starts licking my face and whimpering. Knowing he had been watching everything in the apartment from moments before.

“I got your bags love,” Hyunjin says coming back. He gives Khami a small smile before he wraps his hand around my waist pulling me onto him.

“I love you,” his lips touch my softly. His fingers wipe the tears that had fallen from before. His body is warm and he smelt like flowers and blueberries…maybe strawberries.

“I’m going to protect you. I have to protect you.”

Before I can say anything he grabs my stuff and guides me to the car outside closing the door.

This was a new beginning to the end.

[marvel-ous-m]

Eddie Munson’s Guide for How to Adopt a Jock in Four Easy Steps (4/5)

Part One / Part Two / Part Three / Part Five

Ao3 Link

A.N.: I can’t believe we’re already at the penultimate chapter! I know it seems crazy that it’ll all get wrapped up after this, but I promise it will. You’ll have to forgive me for the D&D game description... in addition to being a Stranger Things nerd, I have been a D&D nerd for the last ten or so years, so describing a campaign is super fun for me and I sometimes can get off-track. Speaking of which, I did some 1st edition research but I mostly play 5th, so apologies if there are any discrepancies! All that to say, hopefully you can pick up on the symbolism in the campaign scene, too! Okay, rant over, now onto the chapter. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

“Alright, Sir Grant the Good, roll a perception check.” 

The familiar clatter of dice against the wood tabletop filled the room, and it seemed that the entire party held their breath to hear Grant’s result. 

“15 plus three- what’ll an 18 get me?”

Eddie hummed, tapping a finger on his chin. “You see a pair of eyes staring back at you from deep in the tree line. They’re slightly yellow, certainly belonging to an animal, and seemingly a large one.” Eddie pauses to roll a die, then hisses under his breath. “The animal meets your eyes and sees you’ve spotted it. It lets out a low growl- what do you do?” 

Grant groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Shit, um- I draw my sword and I wave to Mistress Emery and Sir Geoffrey.” 

“Sir Geoffrey stands beside Sir Grant and readies his bow.” Jeff speaks from his seat next to Grant, holding a D20 between his fingers, ready to roll initiative.

Gareth grinned, leaning forward in his chair to get a better view of the map on the table. “I come up to stand next to Sir Grant and ready myself to cast call lightning.”

“Um, sorry, can I-” Steve whispered from his place at the table, a chair that Eddie had moved up to have Steve sit next to him while he DM’d. Eddie turned to Steve, raising an eyebrow. 

“What’s up, Steve? You’re free to speak whenever you want, you don’t have to just watch quietly.” Eddie nudged Steve’s side, encouraging the jock to speak. 

“Yeah, um, it’s just-” Steve cleared his throat, then looked at the other three members of Hellfire. “Mistress Emery is a Druid, right? So like, isn’t her animal handling through the roof or whatever? Why don’t you try and take care of the animal before you try to kill it?” 

Gareth blinked in surprise, shot a look at Jeff and Grant, then turned to Eddie. “He knows D&D?!”

“He is sitting right here.” Steve muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes. 

“Right- sorry, what Gareth meant to say is- how do you know D&D?” Jeff gave Gareth a warning glare, then turned his attention Steve’s way. 

Steve sighed, shrugging somewhat awkwardly. “I babysit some middle schoolers. This one kid, Dustin, he’s obsessed with this stuff. Honestly all of them are, but I spend the most time with Dustin. He brought up a druid recently when we were walking around the tracks- sounded kinda interesting, so I listened.” Steve’s eyes shifted to stare down at the tabletop then, and he frowned to himself. “I used to pick up Nancy’s little brother from their campaigns, too. I’d usually have to wait around for at least thirty minutes for them to wrap things up before we could get a move on.” 

The party sat in silence for a few moments, processing the revelation about Steve’s D&D knowledge. Finally Grant hummed in thought, then turned to Gareth. “He’s got a point. Plus, if we don’t attack immediately we save some spell slots, potentially some HP too.” 

“Yeah, but the thing is growling! It’s probably going to pounce at us any minute now.” Gareth huffed, crossing his arms. 

“Maybe it’s hurt. That could be a warning growl rather than it trying to pounce at us.” Jeff reasoned. “Just give it a try, Gareth. I’ll keep an arrow loaded and I can flank while you do an animal handling check so that if it attacks I can try and shoot at it before it does any damage.” 

Gareth frowned, clearly annoyed, but nevertheless held up a D20. “Fine. I approach the forest line and hold a hand out in the direction of the animal.” 

“Roll for animal handling.” Eddie flipped through his binder of notes as he spoke, easily finding the page he was looking for. 

Gareth dropped the dice on the table, eyebrows shooting up in surprise when he read the resulting roll. “Huh- Nat 20, and I’ve got a plus five on my modifier. What’ll that do for me?” 

“The animal walks out of the forest, and you know from your studies that you’re now face to face with an Owlbear. The beast makes another growling sound, but is far less menacing. You see that Jeff was correct- the animal has a deep slash running from one of its talons up to its chest. You can tell that it originated from a sword, but the blood around the beast’s beak tells you that whatever fighter that had tried to attack the owlbear previously lost that battle. You can tell that the animal is more scared than anything. What do you do?” 

“Um… okay. I cast cure wounds and then reach into my pack and provide the Owlbear with a piece of dried meat to show it that it can trust me?” 

Eddie nodded, pulling a sticky note from his binder and handing it to Gareth, smirking as he did. “The Owlbear takes the food, trusts you, and decides to stay with your party. Here are its stats, it’ll now obey your commands and fight alongside you until its dying breath. Congratulations, Mistress Emery.” 

“Holy shit! We have an Owlbear now, that’s so fucking cool.” Grant grins, nudging Gareth’s side. “Good work, man.”

Gareth scanned the sticky note, then smiled at Steve. “Thank Steve, he’s the one who suggested it. Did you sneak a look at Eddie’s notes or something?” 

Steve chuckled, shaking his head. “Nah, it just sounded like a better alternative.” 

“I made it injured so your band of fighters would have a better chance of killing the thing, but Steve’s little stunt had me thinking on my feet.” Eddie spoke up, then winked in Steve’s direction. Steve ducked his head in response, a blush playing at his cheeks. Interesting. 

“Thanks, man.” Jeff nodded in Steve’s direction. “Maybe you should play with us next time. You seem to know your stuff.”

Steve snorted at that, shaking his head once again. “I barely know anything. Besides, all the dice and numbers would probably confuse the hell outta me. But… uh, thanks for the offer. Maybe one day.” 

The party moved on with the campaign, killing some goblins on their route as they followed a map they had received from a barkeep at the beginning of the adventure. Steve chimed in occasionally when he found something interesting, and Eddie even had him roll a few times for some of the encounters. By the end of the campaign, the party was actively strategizing with him, and Steve was grinning ear to ear and giving his opinions on what to do next. The party ended up defeating the ‘big bad’ at the end, a goblin king and four of its soldiers. They recovered some treasure and a map, which Eddie told them would be the subject of the next chapter of their campaign. 

It was about 7pm when they finally wrapped everything up, cleaned the room out, locked up, and walked together out to the parking lot. Steve, who had been pretty awake and alert for the entirety of the playthrough, was now looking much more exhausted. He waved goodbye to the boys and pulled his coat tighter around himself, then rushed from the back door of the school to his car through the biting November air. 

The four members of Hellfire watched as Steve sped off, then stood together quietly under the awning of Hawkins High. Gareth broke the silence, crossing his arms to stave off the cold. “Alright, I’ll admit it. I was hesitant to believe it, but you’re right. Harrington’s cool.” 

“You were right about the other stuff too, Eddie. He didn’t look too good. Do you know what happened? Why Billy pounded on him last weekend?” Jeff spoke up next, fidgeting with a string hanging off of his sweater. 

Eddie sighed, producing a cigarette from his coat pocket and lighting it with his zippo. “Nope.” Eddie popped the ‘p’ when he spoke, then took a long drag of the cigarette. “Barely had a chance to ask him about it, and he deflected any time I tried to get more information outta him. I think it all really messed him up, but he doesn’t want to admit it.” 

The party stood in silence for a few more minutes, all lost in thought. This time, Grant broke the silence. “My mom wants me home for dinner by 7:30, so I gotta get going. But I’m cool with letting Steve into the party if everyone else is. Looks like it’d be good for him- probably good for us, too. He’s cool.” Grant zipped up his sweatshirt as he spoke, then pulled car keys out of his pocket. “Need a ride, Gareth?”

“Yeah, thanks man. I’m cool with letting Steve hang with us, too. Just let us know what we need to do Eddie.” Gareth waved goodbye to Jeff and Eddie, then followed Grant to his car. 

“How ‘bout you, Jeff? Got anything against letting Steve into Hellfire?” Eddie questioned quietly. He took another long drag from the cigarette, watching as the smoke he breathed out disappeared into the cold night air. 

“You know it’s fine by me, man.” Jeff paused, then sighed. “I am a little concerned, though.” 

Eddie frowned. “About what?”

“About you.” Jeff moved his attention from the stray thread on his sweater to Eddie, crossing his arms. “About him, too. I’ve known you the longest out of everyone here, Eds. I can tell when you’ve got a crush. Harrington’s fragile- you said it yourself, and you saw how he was when he mentioned Nancy. It looks like everything is really fresh for him right now. All I’m asking is for you to keep that in mind as you move forward in making him feel welcome. I’m worried that things could go sideways. Either one of you, or both of you, for that matter, could be really hurt if things go wrong. Just… take it slow.” Jeff checked his watch then, wincing when he saw the time. “I gotta run. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Like Gareth said, just let us know what we can do to help Steve feel welcome.” 

Eddie nodded, watching as Jeff got into his car and drove off, leaving Eddie and his van alone in the parking lot. Eddie leaned against the brick wall of the school and dropped his cigarette onto the ground, watching as the light fizzled out in the thin layer of snow. 

Step Two: Get the Party to Come Around on Steve Harrington, complete. Time for the Step Three (which would likely be the last step in his plan): Get Steve Fully Integrated Into Hellfire. 

…with one important caveat. Do not fall harder for Steve Harrington. 

Easier said than done. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag List:  @ellietheasexylibrarian @cuips-not-cute @melodymeddler @i-have-three-feelings @sc00ps-ahoy @singmeyoursimpsong @patchworkgargoyle @spectrum-spectre @devondespresso @thesuninyaface @obsessivlyme @angeldreamsoffanfic @carlyv @nburkhardt @inspirationorinsanity @rebelspykatie @my2amgaythoughts @lavenderagenda @just-a-tiny-void @mamafaithful @breadboi66 @beholdingloser @randomfandomcontent @oftirnanog @yellowdevilkitten @steves-strapcollection @keep-er-steddie @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @bisexualdisastersworld @jinxjinn @copingmechanizm @blackpanzy @failedstarsandgoldenclouds @evix-syne666 @crisisinverted17 @satan-is-obsessed @shrimply-a-menace @anaibis @trashcanniballecter   @thoughtfulbreadpolice @awholedamnmesstbh @chaoticvictorianspirit @jcmadgirl @satan-is-obsessed @tommyvelvet @sleepdeprivedflower @fruitmix @carvingsnowdogs @annabanannabeth @rhyswritesreadsandcries @a-little-unsteddie 

[feyreswaterybowels]

Shadows Dance🐦‍⬛ (#5)

Azriel x Reader

Summary: More of (Y/N) and Jarek’s past is revealed, (Y/N) starts plotting to take Jarek out and makes a discovery.

Word Count: 1.5k

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 ↓

“Are you still working for the Night Court?” Jarek asks, taking a bite from the food on the stacked plate in front of him.

I quirked an eyebrow at him as I sat my wine glass down. “I thought you were keeping tabs on me all these years?”

Jarek laughs and shakes his head. “I checked in here and there—the last 50 years were quite difficult to keep up with you with all of the Amaranth drama. Plus, with your abilities you disappeared so much it was hard to keep up. What, did you just stay hidden in the shadows during your travels?”

I hummed, thinking for a moment about how honest I wanted to be. On one hand he would see my honesty as trusting him, on the other I didn’t want him to know anything about me. I sighed feigning sadness, laying my fork down, adjusting the napkin in my lap before meeting gray eyes that seemed to be filled with…concern?

“If I’m honest, Jarek,” I watched him shudder at the sound of his name on my lips, “These last decades, when I was out I was looking for Sarah, not working. I stayed hidden within the shadows so often because I was-I was grief stricken, it was hard to be around anyone.”

Jarek nodded his head, reaching for my hand and I let him, trying not to recoil from his touch.

��I am sorry for the pain I caused you, (Y/N). I don’t claim to have done the right thing. I, well, I know I was wrong. No matter how bad I wanted you it wasn’t right. I do apologize for that. Will you forgive me?” Jarek asks, leaning towards me.

The nerve. I wanted to leach out and slap him across the face. To take my fork and stab him right in the throat—in that spot that would drain all of his blood. To-to—I stopped myself, knowing if I kept going I would lose my composure.

I reached out with my other hand laying it on top of his larger two covering mine and I gave him a smile. A real genuine smile that pained me and nodded softly.

“Of course, I forgive you, Jarek,” I nodded, watching his eyes widened and I let myself giggle. “I’ll admit your method was a little unorthodox, and when I saw you again for the first time I was angry to know it was you who had taken my sister. I felt betrayed—but you did too, didn’t you.”

Jareks eyes dropped to the ground and he nodded. I licked my teeth trying not to snarl at him, shaking my head as I pulled one of my hands away, reaching out to touch his face softly, lifting so his eyes met mine.

“Drop the glamor, Jarek,” I breathed, those dull gray eyes meeting mine. He looked hesitant so I stroked his cheek, in the spot I knew he was hiding. “Please? I’ve seen it before, you don’t need to hide from me.”

“Okay,” He breathes out with a nod and the next second the glamor is gone. I give him a smile.

“There’s my Jarek,” I whisper, stroking over the scar again, the one crisscrossing over his cheek, splitting over his left eye and eyebrow. He melts into my touch, eyes falling closed and I’m brought back in time, back when I had loved the man in front of me—loved him deeply and how he attained that scar saving my life.

“Do you remember?” Jarek asks, those eyes opening to meet mine. And I nod.

“Like it was yesterday,” I breathed.

And I do. I remembered how I was taken from my bed in the middle of the night, how Jarek had been the one to find me, to save me. But the price had been the scars that now littered his skin. It was a year later that the mating bond snapped between Azriel and I—I had left Jarek for many other reasons, not even pursuing a relationship with my shadow singer for almost another year after that.

“You know, I thought the scars were part of the reason you left me,” Jarek confesses, pulling away from my touch but leaving his hands on mine, resting in my lap.

My brows furrowed, watching him reach for his wine glass.

“Do you really think me that shallow?” I ask, offended and hurt. “I loved you, Jarek. I left for many reasons, but the scars you suffered saving my life? They weren’t anywhere near the list.”

“I don’t mean to offend you,” he shakes his hair, a strand of dirty blond hair falling onto his forehead. “I am still…insecure about the scars. Losing you still hurts. You were my everything. I was ready to dedicate my entire life to you mating bond or not, though I had hoped it would snap for us one day. But no, no your fated mate was him. That—that Illyrian male.”

The words were spat. Filled with so much hatred I nearly snarled at Jarek. Loathing the way he speaks of my mate.

“You still spit that word as if it’s the worst thing someone could be even though I’m Illyrian as well,” I say softly, that had been one of the reasons on the list of why I left. His hatred for Illyrians and his refusal to acknowledge that part of my heritage even with my wings right in front of him.

Jarek looked at me. A look on his face I couldn’t quite place before nodding at me.

“You’re right,” He acknowledges. “I apologize. For the way I speak of your kind.”

I fight to keep my jaw from hitting the floor.

“I appreciate your apology. Thank you,” I say sweetly.

We pull away from one another then and continue to eat. We have conversations, talking about the past and present. Neither of us speak of Sarah or the child and I avoid mentioning Rhys, Cassian or Azriel by name. Especially Azriel.

He tells me he’s surprised that I’m not fighting him more and I shrug telling him there’s no use fighting. I’m here to spare my sister's life, so that I’ll learn to live here with him. I think he’s still skeptical but he may be desperate enough to believe that I’ll happily stay here so he won’t go have my sister even though I know he’ll never be able to find her tucked away in Velaris.

Once I’ve retired to bed, changed out of the dress and bathed once again I crawl into the large bed and slide under the covers. I sigh as my wings are able to spread out, relaxing into the bed.

I wanted Azriel. I wanted to be with him in our bedroom knowing that our girl was safe in the room right down the hall. Even all of these years when we were physically together we still had the bond—and in some ways that bond was closer than physically being together.

My brows furrowed together in the darkness of the room. I had never heard of any wards that could prevent two mates from being able to contact one another. Maybe on the surface level but deep down? It was a soul connection.

I dug deep, then deeper, and deeper. Further into myself than I’ve ever needed to go. I searched and looked and I nearly gave up, though maybe the words did indeed go that deep. But I felt it. That string that binds us and I yank on it, hard and desperately and the response is immediate. I have to slam a hand over my mouth to stop a sob from escaping.

My love? It’s an echo in my head, deep and anguished.

Oh, my heart, I needed to hear your voice so much. It’s a sob in my head. I reach out yearning to touch him and I’m met with his hands reaching for me in return. It’s the comfort I needed so badly. He—he said there were wards. But I didn’t believe him. I’d never heard of such a wards.

Clearly they aren’t very good wards. Is his answering snarl. Has he harmed you?

No, no, Az he hasn’t. He wants me though. I’m trying to play along, make him think I want to be here…by myself some time. I don’t know what he’ll do if I refuse him…

Kill him. If it comes down to it, you’re stronger than him, you always have been. You kill him and then you get the hell away.

I take a breath. It’s taking a lot of concentration to hold on to the bond, but I can’t let go, not yet, not as he strokes me—caressing every part of my mind.

There’s a girl here, a servant, she says we’re in Autumn.

Sarah told us the same thing, says she got out once a few years ago and was sure she was in the mountains of Autumn.

The mountains of Autumn? What an odd choice.

How is she?

She’s shaken but she’s alright. She had no idea any of this was happening.

I’m getting so tired, Az. Was all I could muster in return.

Let go, my love. I love it’s hard, we’ve never been this deep in the bond before. Just know I’m coming for you, (Y/N). We all are.

I love you, Az.

I love you, sweetheart.

And then our connection was gone. Gone like it was never there and I cried.

[hotchfiles]

HIIIII!!!! saw ur post ab the bash, wanted to rq remus lupin using the prompt “every time i try to make something right, i always hurt someone” CONGRATS ON 100!!!!

lari's 100th follower bash + send me a prompt and one of my boys for a blurb

remus + “every time i try to make something right, i always hurt someone”

remus was the most loyal person anyone could meet. he would die before betraying the ones he trusted. he would kill to protect them. he was also a big fat liar, and you were still trying to understand how to trust him when those two truths lived in him so easily. he was so fearful of losing people lying became second nature, afraid the truth would be worse.

maybe if he was a good liar it wouldn't be much a problem, but he wasn't. his voice would crack, his eyes would avoid you, his face would be immediately sweaty. then you would not only be mad at him for the original reason (almost leaving you, telling people he would leave you, hiding the extent of his hurt, being secretive about his orders from dumbledore) but mostly because he was lying.

at least those seemed somewhat reasonable to lie about, but the argument you two were having now had not an ounce of reason. "someone flirts with you constantly. you don't tell her off, fine. she tries to kiss you and then you just avoid her. fine." you're walking around, listing what you had heard from sirius earlier, your hands gripping on the waist line of your shirt, controlling yourself, your anger. it definitely wasn't fine. "then i meet her and you tell me she's just someone from work?"

"i'm aware it doesn't look goo—" you cut him right away, not even giving him space to try and save his werewolf ass from the mess he had got himself him.

"oh no, it does not. it looks terrible, lupin, what're you doing? keeping safe spaces you can run to when you do decide to actually leave me?" you weren't the type to bring back old wounds to fresh fights, but that was one that would never completely heal. you would always remember lily's worried voice telling you about how remus asked james for help getting away. or when you woke up on a random morning monday, his baggage still done, his face pleading for forgiveness for having almost left.

"i—will not explain myself again." he kept thinking the more he talked, the more the argument would escalate and somewhere you would notice for yourself he wasn't good. he couldn't deal with that right now. he actually felt loved with you, a type of love he didn't have to exhaust himself trying to earn it. you always just gave him, he was terrified you'd take it back if you two kept fighting.

"yeah don't, you might actually tell me the truth for once, wouldn't want that." your tongue drips of venom, even if barely loud enough for him to hear, the loud sigh you let out after almost hiding away your anger. before he could even reply, your tired steps headed to the room you both shared. the tears you've been swallowing trying hard to come forward, the air on your lungs becoming thinner and thinner. you drop to the floor as soon as you get to it, laying down as flat and quiet as you could.

you needed to calm down.

breath in. breath out.

you spend good time like that, your eyes closed, your mind focused on not freaking out. you weren't jealous, that wasn't the issue, being kept in the dark was the issue. if he just told you from the beginning you two could've joked about it, it would't be a big deal. the lying was a big deal. especially when he tried so hard to keep those details away from you, he was actually capable of being a good liar. that was worrisome.

you don't hear his steps, or the way he leans on the door frame watching you. you only feel his presence when he notices your breathing is calmer, and he lays on the floor by your side, looking up the ceiling, his fingers intertwined on the back of his head.

"every time i try to make something right, i always hurt someone." his voice is quiet, sincere, it doesn't ask for your pity, it doesn't make him the victim. it just is. he's just telling you. "sincerely, my love, i just didn't want to upset you... i was—i was scared you would think it was me giving her signs. i was terrified of it, honestly, merlin i—i'm always afraid. there's your truth." you don't reply for an instant, he doesn't move either.

you roll your body closer to him, his arm finds home underneath your shoulders, pulling you to his chest. you feel his heartbeat. his cologne. "such an idiot." he chuckles into your hair, even though he knows you're not joking, you're not trying to lighten the mood. "stop trying to make things right, you don't know what that is." you say finally, your final opinion on the matter. it was true, he had been running away from every conflict, trying to lie his ass out of problems for so long that for him, those were the right choices. the obvious choices.

it stings, the firmness on your voice, but not only he deserves it, he's glad you're still lying on him, your fingers rubbing his chest lightly. you were never afraid to tell him the truth, didn't matter how harsh. and it never hurt him more than he had hurt you by lying. it actually made him love you even more.

he vows silently then, to make things right by you, and with you, to protect you in the same ways you would him. if re-learning what right and wrong would be the thing to avoid hurting you, then he would do that. if learning to be confrontational, to speak his mind... if those were necessary, then he would. he promises to himself only. he keeps that promise.

"stay with me and i swear i won't be afraid anymore."

[agirlwithdemonblood]

Breaking Free: Chapter 8-Strength in Vulnerability

Pairings: AU! Mechanic Dean x Reader

Chapter Summary: Y/N wakes up in the hospital, and Dean and her navigate how to deal with their overwhelming feelings and the changes to come.

Warnings: Mentions of physical abuse, domestic violence, injuries

Series Masterlist here!! & Main masterlist here!

I woke up silence and darkness, aside from for the monitor's soft beeping. Dean sat beside me, his head resting on the bed, hand holding mine. His tired eyes and tear-stained face showed how worried he'd been while I was asleep. Across the room, John was slumped in a chair, asleep.

Attempting to sit up, I winced as pain shot through my body, the pain killers were not nearly enough. Dean's head shot up at the movement, relief flooding his face as our eyes met.

"Oh, sweetheart, thank god you're awake," he said, his voice trembling with emotion.

I managed a nod, struggling against the discomfort as Dean swiftly moved to help me adjust, pressing the button to dispense more pain relief. "Thank you," I whispered gratefully.

He smiled weakly, sitting beside me and holding my hand. "I'm so sorry this happened to you."

"It's not your fault, Dean." I reassured him. "It's nobody's fault."

"It's my fault." John spoke up from the corner. I turned to him. "It's not your fault, John." I sad gently.

"I shouldn't have asked you to help," John replied, looking guilty.

"It's okay, John. I understand why you did it. I wanted to help you."

John nodded slowly. "You're a good person Y/N. I'm sorry I doubted you."

I smiled, and turned to Dean who still seemed and angry, avoiding John's gaze. I squeezed Dean's hand before turning to John, "Do you mind giving us a moment alone?"

John nodded and patted my arm, before making his leave. My eyes glanced back to Dean, "Dean, you have to forgive John." I urged softly.

Dean looked confused and frustrated. "What do you mean? He shouldn't have involved you in his stupid business. It was selfish and reckless."

I nodded, Yes it was. I also shouldn't have agreed, do you hate me?"

His eyes widened, as his hand squeezed mine, "God, no!"

"Then don't hate him," I pleaded softly. "We all make stupid fucking decisions when we're not thinking clearly. We all have moments of selfishness. John made a mistake, just like I did. He didn't intend for me to get hurt. He couldn't have known because he wasn't sure what to believe."

Dean huffed and buried his face in his hands, struggling to hold back tears. "But look what happened to you. I can't just forgive him."

"He already feels guilty," I said, feeling his struggle. "He blames himself. He didn't want this."

He nodded, as if he was thinking about how he felt about the situation, and dropped his head lower, hand squeezing mine tightly. "I... thought I lost you..." his voice cracked.

"But you didn't lose me," I reassured him gently. "And now, I can talk to the police. We can take care of Andrew."

He nodded, lifting his head slightly. Tears welled in his eyes as he tried to maintain his composure. But I could see through his facade. I pulled him closer, refusing to let him hide his pain from me.

"Dean, it's okay to let it out," I whispered. "I'm here, and I'm okay."

He nodded again, resting his head on my shoulder. A soft sob escaped him, and he held onto me tightly. His grip hurt against my still-healing body, but his emotional pain was worse than any physical ache I'd ever felt. It was heartbreaking to hear him like this, worse than anything Andrew had done to me.

I promised myself I wouldn't let Dean suffer like this again; it was my turn to protect him from the world.

Dean was fast asleep on my chest when the police arrived. I knew I should wake him up for our statements, but I kept thinking about how sad he looked, trying so hard to stay strong for me. He's always protected and saved me, and I forgot how tough this must be for him, so I told them to come back.

Dean woke up the second time the police came, stirring against me. His eyes blinked against the bright lights until he adjusted. When he saw me, relief washed over his face, grateful that I was still there and it wasn't just a dream. The police waited patiently at the doorway, giving us our space, which I appreciated.

Dean smiled at me, then noticed the police and checked the time. "What took them so long?"

I smiled back and gently kissed his head. "I sent them away the first time. You were asleep."

Guilt and hurt filled his face, but I had to reassure him. "Dean, you were exhausted and had a really tough day. Sometimes I need to take care of you too, you know." He smiled softly and remained quiet. I could tell he appreciated it deeply; being cared for wasn't something he was used to.

"Mrs. Y/L/N, Mr. Winchester, are you ready to give your statements?" the police officer asked, and I nodded quickly, inviting them in. They questioned if we preferred to give our statements separately and part of me considered it, especially knowing how Dean might react to hearing the details behind closed doors.

But another part knew he'd always wonder, imagining scenarios to fill in the gaps if he didn't hear the truth. He needed to know. "Together is fine, if Dean's okay with it?"

Dean nodded, squeezing my hand as anxiety rose within him. The officers sat in the chairs beside my bed, their faces were emotionless, and it made me sick. Not because of them personally, but because they were so used to these situations. To them, it was routine. But for me, reporting what happened made my stomach churn.

"Okay, if you could continue from where the incident first started, please," the officer suggested.

I nodded and held Dean's hand tightly in my lap. I took a deep breath, collecting my thoughts before speaking. Starting with the conversation with John and how it led to meeting Andrew, I recounted asking John to check on me, agreeing to meet Andrew at the house, and my arrival there. These were the straightforward details, just the facts.

"Now, if you could continue to where the incident first started," the officer pressed gently.

I felt Dean's hand tense in mine. I could see he was nervous, dreading what he might hear next. Regardless, I knew I had to speak my truth.

""So we started talking and he started insulting Dean and I, saying he wanted me back with him. I told him it wasn't happening. I said I was happy with Dean and would never go back. He then told me to follow him upstairs to get the rest of my stuff from when I lived there. When we got to the top of the stairs, he stopped me and said he'd only agree to the segment if I got back with him. I said no, tried to walk away, but he grabbed my arm and then moved his hand to my throat…"

I felt Dean cringe beside me, his grip tightening on my hand. He looked uncomfortable, knowing I hadn't even reached the worst part of what happened yet.

"He started to choke me, and I panicked. I ended up kicking him in the groin and running towards the stairs," I recounted. Dean's face lit up with pride at that detail, and I couldn't help but stifle a laugh.

"When I reached the stairs..." I paused, turning to look at Dean. "Babe, are you sure you want to be here for this?"

He smiled sadly and nodded. "I think I need to be."

I nodded, intertwining my fingers with Dean's and then focusing on the police officers.

"Um, when I got to the stairs, I felt a hard push on my back and I flew down them. I heard bones crack, and I think I hit my head pretty hard on the railing. When I looked up toward the staircase, Andrew was standing at the top, smiling at me."

Dean winced and turned away, tears welling in his eyes.

The police officer cleared his throat and leaned forward. "So, after he came down the stairs, what happened next?"

"I asked Andrew to take me to the hospital, I begged him to, but he refused. He said he wanted to keep me there and take care of me himself because he was afraid I'd tell someone he pushed me. He kept me in bed; I wasn't tied down, but my legs hurt too much to move. He was dressing my wounds when he got a call and had to leave for an interview in town, leaving me alone at home. I tried to crawl downstairs, but the pain was unbearable. That's when Dean came in and rescued me."

I glanced at Dean, who was visibly upset. He gripped my hand tightly, tears welling in his eyes. His jaw was clenched so tightly it looked like he might break a tooth. He was trying to stay strong for me and for the police officers, but it was clear he was struggling to hear about what happened. It wasn't just because it was me; he had never witnessed a situation like this before.

I turned to the officers, who looked at Dean with sympathy more than anything else, their expressions showing concern.

"So that's my statement. I know you need to interview Dean, but could you give us some time before you speak with him?" I asked the officers. They nodded understandingly, got up, and closed the door behind them, giving Dean and me some much-needed privacy.

I placed my hand on his back, trying to comfort him. Dean turned his head away, sniffing as he tried to hold back tears.

"Dean, come here," I whispered softly.

He cleared his throat and moved to lie down with his head in the crook of my neck, his arms wrapping tightly around my waist. "I-I'm sorry..." his voice cracked with emotion.

I held him close, rubbing his back gently. "Don't apologize," I reassured him.

"You're supposed to be the one I'm taking care of, not the other way around," Dean murmured, his voice filled with guilt.

"Dean, look at me," I urged gently.

He shook his head, but I insisted, gently moving his hand away from his face and lifting his chin, meeting his tear-filled eyes. "Dean, I'm okay. Really, I am. I know you feel guilty and this was a big thing, but I'm okay because of you. It's okay to be upset, it's okay to cry about what happened. It was scary, it was terrifying. I couldn't imagine going through this without you. So please, if you need to let it out, do it. I've got you."

Dean nodded, holding me tightly against him, a sigh of relief escaping him. "Thank you."

"Of course," I whispered, comforting him as he embraced me.

He lifted his head and gazed into my eyes, a sad smile playing on his lips. "Enough about taking care of me though. Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

"Actually, to be honest, I'm in quite a bit of pain and could really use some medication," I admitted.

His expression fell, concern flashing across his eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I giggled softly and shrugged. "Because I care about you. I worry about your well-being."

He smiled gently and shook his head. "You're ridiculous. That's one of the reasons why I love you."

I smirked as Dean got up and pressed the nurse's button. Soon, a nurse entered with another to check on my injuries. Thankfully, the damage wasn't too severe. One of my legs was broken, and the other badly bruised, but I could manage to stand on it. My head was okay, although the doctor warned me about potential headaches and dizziness for a while. They recommend bedrest, but I knew I couldn't do that, no matter how much Dean insisted I do so.

After the doctor checked me over and confirmed I was stable, I was finally discharged from the hospital, ready to go home.

The entire journey home was exhausting.

I had to get used to Dean helping me into the car, carrying me around, and setting up my wheel chair at home-it was a lot, especially on the first day.

Even though he never once complained, and it wasn't my fault my leg was broken and I was stuck in a wheelchair, I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. I worried that needing so much help would wear Dean down over time.

It hadn't been long since Dean and I moved in together, and now I relied on him for everyday tasks like getting dressed and moving around the house. It felt like a nightmare to me. Dean sensed something was wrong. He tried to credit it to the traumatic event we went through and my exhaustion, but he knew there was more to it.

He could see it in my expression when he helped me up the stairs or guided me back into the chair. He noticed my struggle as I awkwardly navigated the hallways in the wheelchair, unfamiliar with relying on it. He wanted to make me feel better, but he also understood my hesitation to depend on him for even the smallest things, despite his willingness to help.

That's why Dean took it slow, allowing me to ask for help when needed or assisting without making me feel babied. He wanted to protect me because he understood that after what happened, I felt helpless and worthless.

His goal was to show me the opposite—to prove that I was strong and capable. Dean aimed to help give my power back.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Chapter 9 coming soon stay tuned!

Like, comment, and reblog, feedback is my fuel 💕

[nicomundthered]

Blood Runs Cold

Injured Trilogy- part one | part two | part three

pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

summary: you save Ellie, but not yourself.

tags/warnings: hurt/comfort, this one is angsty, blood and descriptions of injury, I'm not a doctor, also don't know a thing about nature apparently, established relationship, happy family, drowning, fear of water, way more spice than intended it just happened- though nowhere near explicit.

word count: 10k | ao3

a/n: had to edit this twice and tbh I just need it finished, so please forgive the mistakes. part three might take a little longer...I’m having quite the anxious episode but enough of that, hope you enjoy!

masterlist

It took a while for you to recover, but you had. Well for the most part. Your hand was the only lingering problem. 

The doctor had done what she could for it but without the proper technology and equipment–even after the mostly successful surgery, it would never be the same again.

You had diligently followed the physical therapy exercises she gave you and weeks later, you could now make a fist and your grip strength was improving. The process was long and if you were being honest you were getting impatient. You were just thankful that it was your non-dominant hand because it was still frustratingly weak and uncoordinated in comparison. The doctor had confirmed that it would probably always feel that way. You'd be lying if you said that that didn't upset you, not that you weren't grateful to be alive–it just really sucked. 

Joel was different though. While you were a little depressed and frustrated, Joel seemed to be almost obsessing over it. He would inspect it every morning, seeing how the two deep scars from the surgery were healing. Then he would ask a couple times a day if you had completed your exercises. And he was also overly protective of it. He'd fuss anytime you picked up anything or when you'd tell him that you were ready to go back to work. The two of you argued over it quite heatedly more than once. 

One day, a couple weeks ago now, after he finished his patrol he returned his gun and gear, and checked in with Tommy for the next day's schedule. 

Tommy and Maria were in a deep discussion and when they saw Joel, Tommy bowed his head and Maria straightened, both looking extremely suspicious.

“What happened?” Joel asked concerned. He somehow knew it was about you.

Maria admitted that due to your tenacity, she had put you on light cleaning duties. That you had begged to have something to do, and that after a couple of hours you had grown frustrated from the weakness in your hand, which had cramped causing you to drop a plate. It shattered all over the ground and when you could only use your good hand to pick up the small pieces, it had sent you over the edge. 

You didn't listen to anyone and you'd picked up the sharp pieces using only one hand and it had cut you up. You did so with tears in your eyes and then you left without saying a word, hand covered in blood.

He quickly left, hurrying to you as fast as his feet would carry him.

When he came home he found you in your shared bathroom. You didn't hear him enter and were focused trying to pick out the small ceramic pieces that were lodged beneath your fingertips. 

You had been attempting to fish out the pieces for just under an hour now and your hands were shaking. You could barely work the tweezers due to the slick blood and your hand was cramping. Speaking of, it was properly hurting now–which it hadn't been for weeks now.

“Baby?”

You jumped, dropping the tweezers and cursing. You grabbed the hand towel and tried to cover your hand but he was quicker. His body came up behind yours and he placed both arms on the sink, trapping you in place, eyes making contact in the mirror.

“Let me see,” he said, leaning down, breath hitting your neck.

“It’s nothing, just cut myself cleaning.”

“Let–me see.” 

You almost gave in but just as you about relented, you thought of a different distraction and leaned back and pressed your backside into him, moving your hips gently from side to side.

His nostrils flared, eyes narrowed as he hissed at the contact. It took him a second to come to his senses because his body would alway betray him when it came to you, but then quickly snapped out of it and scooted back and put his hands on your hips preventing you from following. 

“Jesus–just let me see your damn hand.”

You turned around abruptly, he was still very much in your personal space.

“I just nicked it. I don't know why you're acting like this over this,” you suddenly felt small like a helpless child. Despite your confident voice, you could no longer look at him as tears welled in your eyes. You hated feeling helpless but you also hated needing help. And what didn't even make sense was all he wanted to do was to help you. Why you rejected it you weren't entirely sure. Maybe you were just tired of seeing the worried look on his face–the one that you continued to put there.

Though, as much as you loved him, you hated the way you always just gave into him. You blamed his eyes, his voice, his… you know what, it was just him–he was your kryptonite. 

“It was just a little cleaning,” you said, unwrapping your hand and held it up to him so that he could see. “I- I uh–broke a glass and tried to…”

“Maria told me.”

“Damn.”

He chuckled softly at your frustration and then frowned suddenly, “You're still lying to me. I thought we went over this.”

“This doesn't count though. It's not life or death. It's just a few stupid cuts.” 

He reached out and took your lightly bleeding hand. “I’m not too worried about this,” he said after inspecting it thoroughly, noting that you still had some small pieces still stuck. “But this…” he gently let go of your hand and picked up the other. It was still locked in a cramp, “This is what I worry about.”

He carefully pressed into the tight muscle and you gasped in discomfort, which was quickly replaced with relief as he kneaded the overused muscle until he successfully worked the cramp out.

“Thank you,” you said, looking up at him almost ashamed

“You're doin’ too much.”

You yanked your hand from his like he had just burned you. He didn't react, just continued to stare at you. He wasn't going to take that back, you were doing too much too soon.

“I literally just swept and washed a few dishes. If–if I can't even do that then…”

“You were hurt,” the frown returned to his face.

“Yeah I was. Past tense Joel.”

“It takes time to heal. You almost…you almost died baby,” he put his hands in his pockets as he blinked a few times trying to rid the images of you doubled over coughing up blood. 

He wanted to reach out to you so damn bad, but knew that you needed space right now.

“I know that. But I feel so helpless, all the time. I- I can't do anything. I can't even turn the pages in a book…I can't even sit and fucking read. And you leave and do your shifts–shifts that we are supposed to do together. What if you got hurt because I wasn't there to watch your back?” He looked like he wanted to interrupt you but refrained. “And then Ellie has to come home from school and before she does her homework or hangs out with her friends she helps me cook and clean. I just—I’m just so sick of feeling useless. I’m so sick of feeling like a burden.”

There it was. 

He thought of a million things to say. He wanted to berate you for even thinking such a thing, but that never seemed to work on you, so he decided to go a different route.

“I understand.”

“Do you?” You said with more venom than you intended.

“Yeah, yeah I do,” he cleared his throat, “When I was stabbed and you and Ellie had to do everything.”

“You were unconscious Joel. You were dying from infection.”

“That doesn't matter. I–I couldn't protect you two. I could barely understand what you said to me but I could make out enough.” He took his hands out of his pockets and rubbed his face, “I knew that you were going to leave and try to find me medicine. I tried to call out…I tried to stop you, but I couldn't. And then when the men–when the men came looking for you I–damn near lost my mind. But I couldn't move. I, I tried so hard to,” he felt the familiar pressure in his chest, “I…I watched you leave–and I couldn't even beg you to stay.”

You stood still as a statue as a tear rolled down your cheek, all you could do was stare.

“So yeah, I do understand. Feeling helpless is the worst, but you got me and Ellie, and you are getting better everyday. But pushing yourself isn’t gonna help you. So please do me–do us a favor and just let us help you. You’d do the same thing for us in a heartbeat and you are never a burden. Do you hear me?”

Your eyes were wide and mouth was slightly opened, “I’m sorry, I had no idea.”

“It’s ok. Everything turned out fine. We are both here.”

You launched at him, hugging him tightly. You kissed his neck and said, “I wish you would have told me. I know you dream about it…”

“I don't want to talk about that right now, ok? I just want to get that junk out of your hand and take a shower. Does that sound good?”

You agreed.

He took his time and worked efficiently, and in no time he had all of the debris removed and had cleaned your fingertips. Then he helped you undress and led you to the shower, where he worshiped you with as much attention as he gave you wounds, and then finished by cleaning your body as well–something that he's come to enjoy doing. When you got out of the shower he gently bandaged both hands, one for the cuts and the other to relieve the pressure on the healing muscle. 

He dried you off and helped you dress into your most comfortable clothes, which were ironically his clothes. Then you sat at the kitchen table and listened while he told you about his day. He heated you a can of your preferred soup and toasted you both some bread to go along with it.

After your shared meal, you moved to the bedroom where he read a couple chapters of your favorite book to you. You fell asleep with your head on his shoulder. And when you woke you were in his arms snuggled closely, your bad hand in his as he lightly massaged it.

You've been back on light duties for a month now–also known as cleaning and restocking the armory. It definitely feels boring and mundane after the action you were used to, but it was much better than doing nothing. Your hand still has the occasional cramp but it's much stronger. You’ve practiced on the shooting range a few times now and you weren't as hindered as you thought you'd be. Slower yes, but still able, with an aim as deadly as it's ever been.

It was the middle of a Wyoming winter and it was cold. Snow fell for four days straight covering the ground in a thick solid layer that probably wouldn't melt until the beginning of spring. Which made today's appearance of the sun that much better. Everyone in Jackson acted like it was a holiday. Two families were actually having parties and had invited you over. 

People liked you for a reason you didn't even know. You were nice and you worked hard but you weren't overly friendly, maybe you just appeared that way because you were around Joel and Ellie. Or maybe it was because you were close to Maria and Tommy. Regardless, there would be no partying for you. 

A few months ago you had talked Ellie out of going on runs until she was older. She hated it and took quite some convincing but you managed to make a deal with her. She focuses on school and her friends, and honestly just being a semi carefree teenager for once in her life, and a couple times a year the three of you would take vacations.

By vacations, you'd basically just camp and be away from everyone a bit. None of you would admit it but each of you missed the seclusion. Just the three of you, no obligations, nobody telling you what to do. You were grateful for Jackson, you all were and it was much better than being alone but that's how you lived for months together. That's where your strong bonds were made, and sometimes the sleeping bag under the stars felt more like home than your house.

Another part of the agreement was that Ellie got to choose where you'd go. It couldn't be too far, at least not during the winter, and the trip couldn't last more than a week–not until she was finished with school.

On this inaugural trip she wanted to see the rapids. Some friends had talked about how they canoed down them and she hadn't stopped talking about it since. You doubted that that was true, in a canoe? But it didn't matter it was a part of your deal and since the rapids weren't too far away the request seemed reasonable. 

And really it was a big deal for Ellie to want to go anywhere near water, let alone potentially dangerous water. She had let it slip once that she couldn't swim and the fact that she hasn't asked to learn yet tells you that she's afraid.

It was early morning, the sun had just begun to light up the sky. It was cold but no snow clouds were on the horizon. You were all packed with more things than you’d need in a week, and the trip probably wouldn’t even last three days. This was your first time leaving since your injury and it was Ellie's first since the agreement, which meant Joel was kind of a nervous wreck. He packed excessive amounts of everything–ammo, food, first aid. His pack weighed double the usual weight, and this time he saddled up his horse.

You found him in the stables. He was loading up the horse slowly and precisely, trying to slow down the inevitable–his family was leaving safety. 

“Are you ready?” 

He jumped slightly and laughed almost nervously. “You scared me sweetheart.” He sighed and fastened the last strap on the saddle, “Bout there, I wanna double check the…”

“Joel,” you crossed your arms and looked at him sweetly. “Everything is going to be ok. We are going to have a fun quick little trip. Nothing that we aren't used to right?”

He still had his back to you but you could hear him gulp and you could see him trying to shake his head in some sort of agreement. 

“Hey.” You walked up to him and held the side of his arms. “Do not put all of this on yourself. The three of us can defend ourselves, in fact I'd say that we are a pretty badass trio.” 

You smiled and he couldn't help but smile back. It didn't reach his eyes but he smiled nonetheless. 

“I’m afraid.” His voice was low where only you could hear him. He turned from you and focused on the horse. A little shocked that the confession slid out of him so easily. Completely unintentional.

His admission made you break a little. You didn't want this to stress him out like it was. This was supposed to be fun. “If you don't want to go me and Ellie–”

“No,” his voice was firm and commanding. “God- just no. I um–I just…it's safe here.” He was suddenly fixated on petting the horse, unable to look at your eyes that seemed to make him confess things without his permission. “And to leave it, if we don't have to seems…foolish to me.”

You tensed at his words. And boy did they make you angry. You and Ellie have been planning this and looking forward to it for weeks now. And he just waited until the last minute to express his concern? To call something you’d been dreaming about foolish?!

“We can't just stay here. We can't just be yours to play house with.” You paced a little and then continued almost grumbling to yourself, “Be your little housewife and we aren’t even married—go to school–be your picture perfect family. We can't do that. I can’t. I- I won't.” 

He turned to face you quickly. He hadn’t meant to upset you, really he hadn't but it did seemed foolish to him, dangerous for no reason. He didn’t like the way you were talking, it made him uncomfortable. Yes he loved coming home to you but it was just because he knew that you were safe. It had nothing to do with you being a ‘housewife’ to him. And he also didn’t like what sounded like an ultimatum, he would never keep you from leaving but it still frightened him. 

“I just meant–”

“Oh I know what you meant.” You felt your face getting hot. You didn't know where all of this was coming from and chalked it up to being frustrated at his last minute indecisiveness and your slightly stir-crazed mental state. “And it's such an easy thing for you to think about- building a wall around us caginging us up like animals in a zoo.”

“That's not–”

“Come home to a cooked meal.” You were pacing faster now, needing some kind of physical release. Your body was practically humming with pent up energy from being cooped up for months. 

“Baby it’s not–”

“All your laundry folded nice and neat.” You dug your boots into the stable floor with such force that dirt was actually starting to kick up. You could feel your blood pressure rise with each step. 

“To be propped up and ready to fuck when you come home–”

That made him snap. “Stop it!” He tightly held your shoulders and jerked you around hard. “I’d think very carefully about what you say next.”

You were still, all except for a wicked gleam of rebellion that flashed in your eyes. “Is that what you want?” You were breathing embarrassingly heavy.

He hated his reaction to all of this but regardless he still felt blood quickly rushing south and his pants tightened rapidly. You are just so damn hot and the image you were painting, well he hated to admit that the last part sounded appealing. Also he not so secretly liked it when you talked dirty.

“For me to be spread out on the bed for you, nothing to do but wait for you to get home. Be nice and ready for your—”

With absolutely no warning he spun you around and pulled you roughly to him. You arched into him instinctively and he placed one hand on your inner thigh and the other over your dirty mouth.

“I know it’s been awhile so I won’t get mad at you. But if you don't shut that pretty mouth of yours right now, we aren't goin’ anywhere.”

You ground your backside into him just as rough,  and bit at his hand, in a futile attempt of retaliation.

“Fuck…” He pressed himself harder into you. A sinful moan escaped you that was barely muffled by his large hand. He was certain that his strain was going to break his zipper. “If you needed this from me baby, all you have to do is ask.” He cooed into your ear making chills shoot down your spine and pressure pool into your belly.

He moved his hand that was resting on your thigh and started to unclip your belt buckle. 

The metallic clank broke you from your lust filled trance, and you shot out from his embrace. Your pupils were blown wide and you were almost gasping for air. “You aren't gonna- damnit, you aren’t going to distract me over this. We- we are leaving, with or without you.” 

You stormed out quickly. Not even bothering to buckle back up. 

If he were in the position he would have chased after you. But he couldn’t go running through town in his current state. So instead, to calm himself down, he thought about anything at all other than you.

A couple of minutes later, he led his overly packed horse over to where the two of you were waiting. Ellie was beaming at him and bouncing on the balls of her feet in excitement. He smiled at her but it made him feel like a piece of shit. This meant so much to the two of you. And he might have just ruined your whole trip. He hated when he made you angry but he still believed he had a point. 

He looked over at you and you quickly turned your head away to avoid him. He didn’t know how to apologize to you. Or rather he knew how but he couldn’t do that in front of Ellie. So he’d have to find the right time when you were alone. He wasn’t the best with words, in fact most of the time his words only made things worse. So he’d have to be patient and hope you’d be willing to forgive.

He was mid thought when you just started walking. Ellie cut her eyes back at him and raised her eyebrow in question. 

He just shrugged but he knew she was clever, sometimes too clever, and he knew that she knew he had done something stupid. 

“Come on.” He sighed, urging her to drop it and follow.

Luckily for him, she was more excited for the trip than curious about what had happened. But he still feared that it was only a matter of time before she questioned him to death. 

It took about five hours to make it to the river. It was a slow peaceful walk. There was no hurry—the journey and being at peace was the reason for the trip–it was mostly made in silence, the three of you weren’t big on small talk so it wasn’t at all uncomfortable, though he knew that you were only quiet because you were still stewing from earlier.

Ellie grew more talkative towards the end and you tried your best to carry on with her, but you were still infuriated with Joel. It was a buildup of things you supposed. But sometimes he really gets under your skin. The overprotective thing really works for you until it doesn't. And that’s not really fair to him because that’s who he is, and you knew that he hadn’t caged you in, you just felt trapped by your own injury. 

It didn’t help that it was after months of being cooped up and babied. Two things you disliked. If he was going to be like this every time you wanted to go for a walk- then flat out, the relationship wouldn’t work. You needed some semblance of freedom or you’d go insane. That scared you because you also needed him. And maybe you were being a little dramatic. He was currently beside you and you were outside of the gates. So maybe you were being a little hasty. Hopefully this outing will give you the reboot your mind needed.

Joel picked a place to set up camp while you and Ellie walked over to the edge of the cliff to see the now infamous rapids. They were more intense than you imagined, no way could a canoe make it down them.

Ellie was being uncharacteristically timid. You looked back at her and decided to give her some alone time. “I’m going to help him, don't get too close to the edge, it's slick.”

She playfully rolled her eyes at you.

When you made it back to Joel he already had half of the stuff thrown on the ground, but when he looked at you he gave a look. 

“What?” You placed your hands on your hips defensively.

“Nothin’...” he exhaled deeply, “Look- I’m sorry about earlier. I don’t wanna ruin your trip.”

“Our trip, it's our trip Joel. Look at where we are. Look how beautiful it is.” you gestured around you at the beautiful mountains, “Don’t you just feel…free?”

He looked at you with a sudden understanding, it was freedom that you needed. You’d told him as much, but seeing the stress visibly leave your face is what finally got it through his thick skull, “Yeah, I guess I do.”

You beamed at him, “See!”

“You look awfully beautiful out here like this,” his eyes sparkled at you. There was no other way to describe it.

“So do you.”

“Yeah?”

“Big time.”

He laughed, “See that big tree?”

It was the biggest tree in the area, impossible to miss, “Yeah?”

“If we were alone I’d apologize like you like me to, right up against–”

“Stop…that's–that’s cruel,” you blushed.

He laughed almost wickedly.

“Let's unpack before you find a way to get yourself back into trouble.”

Ellie was looking out, biting her lip apprehensively. Now that she was here she was fucking scared. Why did she even pick this stupid place, she couldn't swim, it was cold, and it was fucking stupid.

She walked closer to the edge and tried to peek over but she was too far away. She got frustrated with herself. Come on, don't be a pussy. She moved closer and closer still. Her chest felt tight and her legs were beginning to quake. She fought the urge to lay down and crawl to the edge, she didn't think that that would be a good look for her. So she continued to move forward very slowly, inch by inch, silently disregarding all sounds of internal alarms until finally, she could see all the way down into the raging water. 

Her toes kissed the edge and as she leaned forward, just as she felt that she had confidently conquered a fear, her boot slipped. “FU–” she was cut short as she twisted and tried to grab onto the edge, but in doing so she landed on her chest which then sent her flying backwards towards the water. Thankfully she landed on a ledge less than halfway down the steep drop. 

The ledge was small and narrow, she was very lucky to land on it at all. If she wouldn't have tried to hug the side of the cliff she would have fallen straight into the water. What she didn’t notice though was as she landed, the ledge moved slightly- small rocks broke off and fell into the freezing water below.

Ellie laid there for a few seconds and stared up at the blue sky. She took deep breaths trying to get it through her head that she was in fact alive–she wasn't entirely convinced. Until she heard you calling out her name. 

You were fortunate enough to look over just as she fell. You ran to her as fast as you could desperately calling out her name.

Joel was left alone and confused for merely a second before he noticed Ellie's missing form. His heart dropped as he sprinted past you and looked over where she used to be standing.

“Ellie?” you caught up and stood beside him.

You looked over the ledge as she carefully stood and brushed off some snow and dirt.

“Holy shit.” she said looking up at the two of you.

She didn't speak loud enough to hear because of the thunderous sound of the rapids, but you could read her lips. You exhaled in relief.

Joel was also very relieved. If she had fallen she would have hit the rocks, and if by some miracle she missed the rocks the currents were strong. Even an amazing swimmer wouldn’t be able to stay above the water, he didn't care to think about what would happen to someone who couldn't swim.

“Ellie,” he yelled down to her.

She looked up, and moved to hug the side of the cliff, “Yea?”

He laid on his stomach and reached down his arm as far as he could stretch, “Can you climb to reach my hand?”

She stretched her body as tall as she could, standing on her toes, her feet almost completely parallel to the cliff. She was still short, not by much, so she jumped as high as she could, still missing his hand. When she landed, the shifting of the ledge was still unnoticed. There was nothing to grab onto, there was nothing to grip to climb.

She jumped again but this time landing with more force. The ledge visibly shifted and larger rocks plunked into the water.

“Stop!” you screamed out. “Ellie, stay still!”

She gave a thumbs up, “No problem.”

You laid down next to Joel, “I’m going down there.”

“Like hell–”

“Hey, listen to me. I’m taller than her. I could probably jump and reach your hand, she just needs a boost. She could probably stand on my back and reach you.”

“Let me, I’ll…”

“You’ll what?” you sighed and did your best to calm down. “I don't think the ledge is strong enough to hold you both.”

He opened his mouth but you continued, “And you know I couldn't pull your ass up.” you grinned, but he wasn't having it.

“Just wait a second. Let me figure something out.” He looked back towards camp, “We could tie some–”

“You saw the way those rocks fell. We might not have the time for that Joel.” You grabbed his forearm and looked deeply into his eyes, you weren't playing around, you were going to do this, “Please, let me save her.”

His brows furrowed and he looked at you with as much seriousness as you've ever seen from him, and that was saying something. He brought his forehead to yours, “Be careful,” he whispered onto your skin.

You nodded, noses bumbing against each other and then reluctantly moved from him and looked down, “Ellie? I’m going to come down there and help you, ok?”

She looked up at you in pure panic, “No don't! This fucking piece of shit rock is barely holding me up.”

“It’ll be fine.”

She practically cried out your name, “Please don't,” her voice cracked in her loud plea.

You looked at Joel and he was looking at you in premature anguish, “It’s going to be alright,” you said to who, you weren’t sure–probably everyone, including yourself.

You removed your gloves in case you needed a better grip and slowly climbed over the edge, Joel held on tightly, and when he looked at the two deep scars on your hand he froze, “God damnit!”

“What?” you looked up worried that something had happened, and saw him focused on your hand.

“Crazy woman, what are you fuckin’ insane?”

Your hand had crossed your mind, but getting Ellie to safety was the only thing that mattered. You smiled sadly- knowingly at him, and he all of the sudden realized what he was doing–he was slowly dropping you to your death. This wasn’t just a rescue mission, this was a suicide mission. The anger from his eyes was replaced with bone chilling fear. He desperately yanked you back up a little, pulling your arm too tight and causing your bicep to strain. 

“Wha–?” you saw the raw panic in his eyes as he tried to haul you back up, “Stop, Joel Stop!” you looked down at Ellie and then back up to him with tears in your eyes, “I’ll break my arm off if I have to.”

He knew you would. Selfless woman.

He looked back at you holding on to his hand, gripping the side of the rock face, eyes full of tears and determination–he loved you so. “You better come back to me.”

“I always will.” 

His grip tightened and he lowered you as far as he could, “Land softly.”

No shit you thought as you landed on the ledge. It dropped even further this time making a horrible crumbling noise.

You grabbed Ellie and hugged her tightly afraid that this was it. When nothing else happened you sighed in relief and quickly backed up. She looked scared, like she wanted to stay in your arms and hide.

“Come on, we have to hurry.”

You quickly got on your hands and knees and she stood on top of you. She reached tall but was scared to dig her toes into you–she didn't want to hurt you, and she thought of how long it took for your ribs to heal, how much pain you were in.

“Use your toes Ellie!” you demanded.

“I don't want to hurt you,” she practically sobbed out.

“You won’t, I can hardly feel you.”

She knew you were lying but she complied and stood on the tips of her toes. She brushed his fingertips and tried to reach further. 

“Are you close?” you asked, feeling the ground beneath you sway knowing time wasn't on your side.

“I can touch him but I can’t–”

“Jump,” you interrupted her.

“Wha….NO I won't do that.”

“Ellie, baby- you have to.”

“I don't want to.”

“I love you very much…everything is going to be ok.”

More rocks crumbled and Joel called out your name in warning.

“Jump Ellie!”

Without a moment's more hesitation she did and Joel gripped her wrist tightly. They worked together and quickly got her to safety. 

The pathetic excuse for a ledge was giving out. Your world was rocking back and forth like a buoy on the ocean. You stood slowly, doing your best to not make any sudden movements. You could hear both of them desperately calling out to you but you were focused. They didn’t know how precarious your situation had become. 

You stood slowly and reached for Joel’s hand. You had known going into this that it was going to be much harder for you to get up. Sure you were taller than Ellie but not by much. You were going to have to jump or climb. To jump meant if you missed- you had to land, and you weren’t sure it could take that force.

You dug your fingers into any crack you could find, there weren’t many but you made your way maybe a foot off of the ledge when two things happened—first your hand locked up in a cramp that rendered it useless. You dropped it to your side, trying your best to hide it from those above. And second, the ledge broke away and fell into the water. 

They cried out to you but you didn’t know what to do. You truly couldn’t do a thing with your hand, you couldn’t even use it as a stabilizer. You found a perch for one toe of your boot, but it wasn’t going to hold long. 

It was like the universe knew that this was how you’d die. It was shitty, but it was giving you a chance to say goodbye to the two people you loved most in the world, and that’s more than a lot of people got.

You looked up. Joel’s face was red from straining to make himself longer. Spit was flying from his mouth with every pleading yell. Ellie was screaming for you to hurry. Time seemed to slow down as you watched them. They were going to be ok, they had each other, and despite what Joel would argue that would be enough.

So you had one attempt. It was all or nothing. One small lurch forward and you’d either make it to Joel’s hand or you wouldn’t. The chances were very slim.

“I have one shot,” you called up.

“Just keep climbing baby, you’re doing so good!” he encouraged loudly.

“I- I can’t. My hand is locked up.”

He cussed and behind him his feet angrily kicked holes in the snow. Tears started falling from his face and passed by you like drops of rain, “I told you to let me! I could have—“

“I love you. I love you both,” you sniffled but felt at peace, you had saved your girl, “I’m going to try my best but I really don’t have much to propel myself from.”

Your hand slipped a little and you could hear Joel’s gasp and Ellie’s cry. 

“Ok I’m ready,” your muscles tightened in preparation and you tested the movement. Once you were satisfied that you’ve done all you could you started your countdown, “On, three-two—one.”

To give yourself some credit, you did make it farther than you thought. Probably a hands length away from Joel’s, but you knew from takeoff that it wasn’t enough.

You briefly saw the look of absolute horror on their faces as you took in as much air as you could, and shielded your head with your arms as you plunged into the freezing water.

You of course knew that water was powerful. It helped shape the earth with its constant rising and falling. Given time its pressure could smooth a stone, could forge new paths and create new bodies of water. It grew vegetation as easily as it could flood and drown. Any living thing needs it or would die. Water was both life and death, it was a powerful, powerful thing.

But you didn’t truly respect it until now. It tugged you under and slung your body around like a ragdoll filled with nothing but cotton. You had never felt so weighed down and yet somehow so weightless. You were so distracted by the sheer force of it that the sharp burning from the cold came later. Then oddly enough the need to breathe came even later than that.

After a few seconds of pathetically trying to fight it, you quickly realized you could do nothing but patiently wait for a current to bring you to the surface for a chance to get air.

It happened faster than you had anticipated. Before you knew it your head was above the water and you were gasping for oxygen. Some water got in but that didn’t matter to you in the slightest.

You glanced to the side at the riverbank and for the first time you noticed how fast you were moving. You were absolutely flying down the river. 

You went under a couple more times, and were banged around—hitting some rocks here and there, which would bruise but nothing serious. 

There wasn’t much farther to go as far as the rapids were concerned. The river was long but if you could make it another one- two minutes tops before it slowed and calmed. 

What a jinx you are.

Your ankle was suddenly caught between two rocks. You were stuck and the angry currents were pushing at the side of your face, trying their best to force you back under. You took a deep breath, and went under to try and wiggle your boot free. It was of no use so you untied the shoe and were launched free immediately. It took you by surprise and rolled you a few times—disorienting you, and then your luck ran out. You hit your head, everything went black.

When you fell he almost jumped right in after you. As matter of fact, if Ellie wasn't with him he would have. His whole body shifted forward begging him to leap, but Ellie’s hand quickly grabbed his shoulder tugging him back up, as she yelled out after you. She anchored him to the spot and kept him from acting irrationally.

He sprang to his feet, “Look for her I’m gettin’ the horse.”

She quickly got up and ran along the edge. It's funny that moments ago she was so scared to even go near it- now she was sprinting alongside it, the only fear she felt was for you. Her eyes combed the water trying to get a glimpse of your now flailing form, they were stinging from the cold but she refused to so much as blink. 

She looked farther down and saw you, just as you were thrusted up for air.

Joel passed her on the horse and she pointed ahead. She tried to keep up but you were both moving too quickly. She kept running even as she lost sight of you both.

Joel was riding alongside you. It was a difficult task to both keep his eyes on you, and keep his horse from running off the side but he quickly adjusted. You were doing a good job of keeping your head above the water, and he was starting to feel slightly optimistic.

The water was already calming down. 

He looked back to you all of that previous optimism died along with any hope he had left in him. This time he screamed your name, it was way too raw to be called a yell. 

He moved his horse back and forth searching. The horse was as anxious as Joel, it wanted to continue running. His heart was beating out of his chest as he continued crying out for you.

Then he saw you.

You were face down and floating downstream.

He charged the horse and went ahead of you to where the rocks stopped and the shore began. He dismounted, took off all of his clothes except his boxers, and ran into the water.

Even though it was calmer, he still had to curl his toes–gripping at the dirt in an attempt to brace himself with each step. When you floated near he swam out to you. It was rougher out where you were. 

When he reached you he quickly turned you over. 

You were so blue and he couldn’t tell if you were breathing.

Fortunately for the both of you, he was a swim champion in his teenage years and a pool lifeguard was his first job. He swam fast and strong and there was no way you’d release from his grip. 

When his feet touched the bottom he cradled you, and trudged through the water as quickly as he could–water splashing all around as his strong legs ran you to shore.

Ellie was waiting, bent over trying to catch her breath.

He got you out of the water and laid you down in the snow. 

“Is she breathing?” Ellie gasped as she looked down at your blue face.

“I don’t know yet.” He felt for a pulse but didn’t find one. Then he put finger under your nose to feel the air. Nothing.

“Damnit,” he immediately started chest compressions. 

Ellie’s legs gave out and she sat in shock. She had lost a lot but losing you felt like too much. You were the closest thing she’d ever had to a mom. You were her best friend. What the fuck was she supposed to do without you?

“...gotta be the hero—”

Joel was angrily muttering to you. Ellie could only make out occasional fragments, she wasn’t even sure he knew what he was saying.

“—let anyone else get hurt.”

His voice trembled with emotion.

“Couldn’t just let me…hard headed…”

He was openly crying now and getting slightly winded from the exertion. His body pink from the cold with steam rising off of him.

“—drive me damn insane,”

Ellie was now sobbing with him- broken gasps and labored breaths. She hugged her knees to herself and began rocking.

“…better start breathing I swear to god.”

The horse moved, catching her eye.

“Please- don’t leave me…”

She turned back and watched him desperately pound on your chest. 

“—I fucking need you…you hear me?”

That was as close to a sleeping beauty moment that you’d ever get. You started violently coughing up water- expelling it from your lungs. He rolled you on your side so it was easier on you for you to spit up the liquid.

A rush of pure joy overcame him, “That’s it baby get it all out.” 

Ellie crawled closer to you like she couldn’t believe that you were alive. Something red caught her eye. “Uh, Joel?” she pointed behind your head, her voice sounding so small.

He was so fixated on watching your face that he hadn’t seen the blood staining the white snow behind your head, “Fuck.”

As you continued to cough he felt around the back of your head. There was a small swollen knot that was split by a not so deep cut. There was no indentation which was his main concern. And head injuries bled a lot, he reminded himself as he looked at his now crimson coated hand.

The coughs slowed down but he started worrying why you weren’t shivering. He was shaking uncontrollably. You were still. 

“Here’s what I need you to do- take the horse and bring all our stuff down here. We have to get her warm.”

Ellie was silent. Frozen in fear staring at the blood.

“Ellie…Ellie?!” He said loudly, snapping her out of it, “You hear me?”

“I- I’m on it.” She jumped on the horse and galloped away. 

He pulled you so that you were propped up against a tree–he didn't want you to drown in the water you were clearing from your body. He brushed some hair out of your face with his numb fingers–he couldn't even feel the soft strands. Then he started to gather sticks for a fire. 

You were in and out of consciousness. You mumbled a few times but never made much sense. 

Ellie returned and helped Joel finish building the fire, it needed to be big. He kept repeating that to her.

They set up the tent. Facing it towards the fire so that the heat wafted and was captured underneath. Then he put all the sleeping bags and any fabric they packed inside. By this time Joel was shaking so bad he could barely pick up anything- now all of his appendages were numb. His tremors were now so severe that his speech was broken.

“I’m gonna ge-get all of these wet clothes–off of her, and get her in-inside.”

She nodded, liking the plan so far.

“Listen- I don’t know how to say this a-any other way, but we are going t-to be naked.”

She looked a little put off and confused.

“It’s just for bo-body heat, nothin’ weird.”

“Nothing, weird?”

“You-you know what, I- I mean,” he clenched his fists trying to demand that his body stop shaking.

“Ok so what do you want me to do?”

“I want you…to ta-take the rifle, and be on lo-look out…she has to ge-get warm–”

“Joel…I’ve got this. Just…take care of her..please.” 

He nodded in an understanding agreement, if he takes care of you then everything else will be ok.

She picked up the gun and mentally started outlining a perimeter to pace.

He pulled you over to the fire and began to undress you. His hands fumbled with the buttons and he winced when he finally noticed that you were missing a boot. He removed your shirt and jacket, leaving your top half bare. His eyes traced the many forming bruises–nothing near as bad as the last time. Then his hands touched your belt buckle. Visions from mere hours ago when he was unfastening it for a completely different reason flashed before him. 

Tears returned and he started sniffing loudly, ‘gah’ he helplessly croaked out as he removed the remaining clothing. Nothing more to note, just more of the same–discolored bruising and small scrapes. 

The bleeding on the back of your head was slowing down, though he still wrapped the injury with gauze. The bandage wrapped around and covered the top of your forehead. 

He laid you gently on top of a sleeping bag–the tent had a floor but he was trying his best to keep you from the cold ground. Then he put all the other sleeping bags, blankets, and even clothes on top of you. He took off his wet boxers and threw them out of the tent and snuggled as close to you as he could possibly get.

Your skin felt like ice. He hissed at the first contact but without hesitation pulled you to him even tighter. He was truly enveloping your form- legs were entangled, his broad chest and strong arms cocooned around you securely, even his neck and head curled into you. His hands rubbed up and down your back trying to create a warming friction–but you still weren't shivering…you should be shivering.

He didn't know what else to do, and maybe he'd done all that he could do, but that was hard for a man like Joel to accept. 

He was warming up quickly, and as he regained some sense of touch, he started to feel your skin beneath his fingertips. You were so very soft, much too soft for hands like these he thought to himself. 

Out of nowhere he started talking. He didn't know where it came from, he just opened his mouth and words began pouring out. He wasn't even aware of what he was saying until he heard Sarah's name.

He was telling you about his daughter he then realized. 

You had only asked about her twice. Once at the beginning of your relationship when you found out about her for the first time–which led to him wrongly ignoring you for a whole week. And the second was when he screamed her name in a nightmare–he told you to never mention her again, and went for a walk that lasted a whole day. He didn't know why you put up with him.

Last time you were hurt, when he was so scared he was gonna lose you, he told you how she died. And even then, even after he had opened up and said her name for the first time in years, even knowing that he could trust you- that he loved you, he couldn't bring himself to talk about her…that was for some reason until this moment.

He told you about how smart she was, about how kind and funny, and caring. How she loved to make a big deal on his birthday and always found a way to surprise him with incredibly thoughtful gifts. That she loved to cook and take care of him, because she said he deserved to be taken care of. 

And as he was telling you all of the wonderful things about his daughter it made him realize that she would have absolutely loved you. The two of you had a lot in common and would have probably harassed him into taking care of himself. His chest felt unbearably tight, he had hurt the both of you by not talking about her–by not talking about her he hadn’t let her memory live on, and by not telling you he had unintentionally kept a huge part of his heart hidden.

Suddenly he felt you. If he weren’t melded to you so tightly he probably wouldn’t have, but he did. You were starting to tremble.

“That's it baby. Warm up for me.”

He kept rubbing your back. He could feel a thin layer of sweat collect between you, it was from him he was certain. He'd gone from cold to warm to quite hot. The fire had heated up the small space in no time at all. 

Before long chills started to shake your body and he could hear your teeth chattering. He felt you nuzzle closer to his chest.

“Sweetheart?”

“S’ cold.”

“You'll be warm in a minute.”

“Wha time is…?” your words were slurred.

“Late. We should probably wake up.” he really hoped that you would wake up, or at least seem more alert.

“Yea…”

And then you lost consciousness or fell back asleep one, or maybe both.

An hour or so passed and you were coming down from the worst of your chills. Your teeth were no longer clicking and your skin felt much warmer to the touch.

He felt your head shift to look up.

“Hey,” he smiled, warmly down at you.

“Hi,” you turned your head and took in your surroundings. Saying you were confused was an understatement. “Where are we?”

“You don't remember?” his brows creased and his smile drained from his face.

“I- I remember…ELLIE!” you sat up quickly, he did too.

“It’s ok, she's ok. I promise.” he pulled you into a hug and as your bare breasts brushed against his arm hair you noticed for the first time that you were naked–you both were.

“Joel, what the hell happened?” you asked into the crease of his neck.

He explained everything, and you were slowly able to fill all of the missing holes of your memory–the fall, the battle in the water, the rock that took you out.

“You saved me again,” tears fell from your eyes.

“Sweetheart I’ll save you everyday if you'll let me,” he wiped them away with his thumb, you heard the gauze rustle.

“Wha?” you reached up and felt the bandage seeming to cover your head. 

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” he chuckled, “Just a little thing. I might have been…excessive.”

You laughed and the strain of it made you notice the pain in your chest. You placed your hand over your heart and looked at him, obviously confused.

“Yeah…that might hurt for a bit,” he winced. “You- you weren't breathing when I got you out of the water–”

“You had to do CPR!?”

“I did.” he swallowed thickly and looked away.

“Oh, Joel… thank you.” you moved your leg over his lap and straddled him, you grimaced, your body was more battered than you thought. He openly began to weep, sobs wrecked through his body. You rested his head to your chest, and rubbed the back of his head until his breaths calmed and his shaking stopped.

“Ya know, this would be really hot in other circumstances.” you weren't in the mood, not even close. You felt like you had been run over by a truck, you were just trying to lighten the mood. “In a tent, naked with you.”

He chuckled, you felt him smile against you. He turned and kissed your soft supple skin. “I’m so glad you're ok…when you fell, just you can't do that shit.”

You leaned away from him, “What? Save Ellie?”

“Can't just…react. I could have tied something together—”

“If she would have fallen into the water, I would have never forgiven you. You know that right?”

He shook his head, “I never would have forgiven myself but- but darlin’…jesus.”

“I don't want to fight. Not about this and not right now, my head is killing me, but know this Joel Miller- if either one of you ever need saving, and I can, I will.” You grabbed a dry shirt and pulled on over your head. “It isn't something up for discussion, and I won't be talked out of it. You jumped in the water to save me- that was dangerous, we sometimes do dangerous things for the ones we love.” He looked like a kicked puppy but you continued, “If I don’t act, if I sit back and think about it- took time to come up with a plan, and then lost you anyway…then what–then what would be the point?”

You put your hand behind his head and pulled him closer again, whispering against his face, “I know you'd do the same so don't play all high and mighty with me, you will always lose that battle,” you placed a kiss on his lips.

He returned the kiss eagerly. Your lips were chapped but they had never tasted better to him. He pulled you both up so that you were both kneeling, and he pressed your body into his. He wished you hadn't put on the shirt, despite all of the previous contact he still felt like he needed to feel you.

“Joel…” you reluctantly warned into his mouth.

“I know…I know–but god I just want to feel you right now.”

You hummed in agreement and stayed for another minute or two, and then slowly backed out of his embrace. He smoothed back his hair and looked around for his extra clothes. You threw his boxers at his face, he laughed and grabbed you back to him- suddenly catching you off balance and the jerking motion hurt your head.

You hissed and massaged your temple.

“Shit I’m sorry.”

“It's fine..I think I need to lie down.”

“You ok?”

“Yeah, just need a minute.”

“You rest,” he tucked you in and kissed your forehead, “I’m gonna tell Ellie that you're doin’ better.”

“Kay,” you closed your suddenly very tired eyes.

Come morning it was snowing. It was a pleasant snow, the kind that was peaceful to watch with large flakes that floated down to the earth. You had slept straight through the night. Joel and Ellie took turns, taking watch and staying by you. You woke with a ravenous appetite, and ate enough for three meals. Neither of them said a word, in a humorous delight- they just watched you scarf down the food.

They both insisted that you rode the horse on your journey home. You didn't want to, but you would admit that your equilibrium was still somewhat off, and your body was very sore. So you relented and did as they asked.

When you returned to Jackson, the doctor examined you and said that you had a mild concussion and were still experiencing the symptoms from hypothermia, but were otherwise fine. You'd just have to take it easy for a week or two.

A week later you were working back in the armory, this time though you had no complaints. 

When you came home, you opened the door and was immediately hit with a delicious aroma, “Joel? Ellie?” you called out a little suspicious. You tended to be this family's chef. 

“In the dining room,” Joel responded.

You could hear the two of them whispering hurriedly, and you heard silverware clanking around. When you entered the room your jaw dropped. 

They were both dressed up. Joel with a nice dark blue buttoned up shirt that you'd never seen- the sleeves neatly rolled up, dark pants, and his hair looked styled with…what was that gel? Ellie was wearing a white buttoned up shirt, and she had her hair down with one small braid off to the side (you had taught her how to braid her horse's mane and she was getting proud of her skills). 

The ambiance was almost romantic, dim with nothing but candles lighting up the room. The table was set like they were expecting royalty and they had a bottle of wine in front of where you usually sat.

Joel moved to your chair and held it out for you, “Your chair Madame.”

“What is this?” you hoped you didn't look as shocked as you felt. You did.

“I made you dinner.” Ellie said proudly, “So sit.”

She left abruptly to retrieve the food.

You chuckled and sat. Joel pushed you in like a gentleman and then placed your napkin in your lap. “Wine Madame?” He was trying to do a french accent but it oddly just sounded somehow even more texan.

You giggled, “Oui Monsieur.”

He laughed, “Am I not garcon?

“A little boy?”

He looked flustered, “Oh…I reckon I don't know much French.” He filled your glass almost to the brim. He looked nervous.

You giggled again, “I don't either.”

Ellie walked in with a massive pot. It was a stew loaded with meat and potatoes. Then she went back to the kitchen and brought out some bread rolls that she learned to make from a sweet old lady. 

“Ellie…what is this about?”

“I just– I just wanted to do something special for you. Joel said that you mentioned doing this before and I thought it might be something nice for you. I just…you fucking saved me.”

“Ellie–”

“No, I know. It still just sucks. How do you thank someone for saving your life ya know?”

“Easy.” you smiled lovingly at her.

She tilted her head in curiosity. 

“You live yours baby.”

She moved to you quickly, and sat in your lap.You held her tightly, and she pressed into the nook of your neck.

Joel shuffled and stealthily wiped his eyes.

She sat up and looked at you, her eyes were red, “I don't really want to cry any more.”

“Then hop up, and let's eat.”

She hugged you again and then stood.

“Tell me about what you made me.”

She smiled and told you about everything in great detail.

Dinner was immaculate, that sounds over the top but it truly was. Once you had all cleaned your plates she returned to the kitchen and brought out a pie. A pie!!! You don't want to admit it, really you don't, but you ate half of it.

You were so proud of her and kept flooding her with compliments. 

When everyone finished, you tried to help clean but they shooed you away. Joel grabbed your plate from you and whispered in your ear, “Go take a shower, I'll be up in a minute,” and gave you a rather passionate kiss.

You ran upstairs and took a very quick shower, your body was throbbing with anticipation. But alas, with belly full wine, pie, bread, and stew- after your warm relaxing shower- laying on your comfy bed that smelled of Joel's masculine scent- with a content mind and body, you fell asleep in record time.

When he entered the bedroom he saw you splayed out on top of the bed. “Sweetheart?” he asked softly- when he heard you deep breaths he immediately knew that you were asleep. It was hard to be disappointed when you looked so beautiful. He softly caressed your cheek, almost in awe of how incredibly lucky he was. He managed to gently maneuver you so that you were under the covers. He tucked you in and kissed the tip of your nose.

Then he unbuttoned his shirt, opened the dresser, and hid the ring back inside.

--------

if I forgot to tag you I am so sorry: @givemeth , @farintonorth

[luka-ali]

My Lovely Belphegor (Belphegor x Reader)

Obey me OG Story: Spoilers: Lesson 15-18

Sinners are sent to prison, locked up so they could redeem their mistakes and learn from them. I always wondered why I was locked up in the attic by my own brother, whom I had nothing but love for. Now, there is only hatred, the same I have for them..

Those wretched humans...

The one who destroyed my family, my home, my sanity and...My lovely sister..Lilith.  

I hate Lucifer!!

I hate those humans!!

All of the ones who hurt me should just disappear!!!

"Lord Diavolo, an exchange program? what is this now? have you hit your head or something?" I remember clearly that I had said that. 

But all my feelings were brushed aside with one glare from my prideful brother. 

“Lucifer! You have to talk to lord Diavolo, tell him to kill this exchange program,” I fought back for what I thought was right. For myself..

“It’s time you forget about Lilith” Brother coldly replied..

HOW DARE YOU!! 

 Big Brother?Why?Why did you forget about Lilith?

I won’t allow it, I will never allow it!

I won’t forgive you! I won’t forgive you!

“All the fighting and now it seems like I am stuck in this attic. Am I wrong somehow? Someone help me?” I continued to bury all those feelings, I swear I will destroy all humans and I will start with..Diavolo’s precious human exchange student. 

(Y/n) (L/n).. I’ve come to learn that name when Mammon yelled it when he was trying to make a run from Levi who was chasing him for money. At that time I was annoyed, their hollering woke me from my slumber. 

“Come here human, only you can save me,” I remember calling you, to me, the one that shall be your grim reaper. 

“Hello, who are you?” You softly questioned. 

Cute, you were cute for a human but that will not save you from my millennia of accumulated hatred. 

“I am a human..just like you," I lied, you smiled. 

Did you feel at ease? To be in the presence of a human? Surely Solomon was far from human. This is going smoothly, too easy.

Come little lamb, I’ll kill you softly. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“(Y/n)!! (Y/n)!! This is not funny at all? Get a hold of yourself,” My stupid scumbag of a brother, foolishly cried over an irrelevant human. 

I let out a chuckle, it was hilarious. 

“I'm feeling the happiest I felt in a long time,” I internally smiled, externally laughed. Lucifer looked panicked, it must be because his reputation along with Diavolo is now in the gutter. 

This is what happens if you test my patience. 

But…

Beel..? 

Why are you looking at me as if I hurt you?

It was just some irrelevant human. 

“(Y/n)!! Asmo yelled in surprise, I thought it was foolish, I killed you, but you were standing right there. 

“How are you still alive? It doesn’t matter, I’ll just kill you,” I came to that conclusion. 

“Wait!! Lilith lived, she lived as a human,” you said. 

What..

Lucifer pledges loyalty to Diavolo in exchange for Lilith to be reborn as human?

That she lived happily?

And that THIS human is actually a distant descendant of human Lilith?

LIES!! LIES!!  LIES

“I refuse to believe all this nonsense” I said in annoyance. All this is just a plot to manipulate me. It can’t be!

“It’s true..”Lucifer admitted. If it is coming from his mouth then it must be true. If it is true, then what does it do for me now but I know that a heavy weight has been lifted off my shoulders. 

“(Y/n) is Lilith’s descendant,” I internally thought as I ran to embrace you in tears and that time you froze up, I didn’t care. 

The whole time I was sitting next to you clinging to your arm, drinking tea, and bickering with my brothers, I only valued my feelings, not your trembles. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I wonder? I fell for you. 

I did notice that you were very distant in the beginning but after a few moments you started to smile at me. You successfully repaired my awkward relationship with my brothers. I am grateful to you, your kindness, your strength to move on, and your sweet smile.

 The first Mammon:

“Belphi, that order is table 6,”

“Heheh, Mammon there is sauce on your nose,”

“Belphi, come’on don’t fall asleep here,”

“Thanks for tagging along for helping me buy a gift for Diavolo, I appreciate it, really!!”

The second Leviathan

“Belphi.. Um.. Levi had to receive a package.. What do you say, wanna play with me?”

“ Bephi, left.. Go left, we are going to lose!!”

“Want me to caress your hair till you fall asleep? Sure!!”

“Hmm, hmmmm, sleep well”

The third Satan

“Anti-Lucifer league?! Me!?” 

“Haha Diavolo’s babygirl must be a password to the study!”

“The lecture is tiring,”

“Wanna study with Satan and me?”

The fourth Asmo

“Belphi! Your fashion sense is amazing!”

“Your taste matches my style.”

“Thank you for choosing this for me!!”

“I’ll make sure to wear this to Diavolo’s birthday party.”

The fifth Beel 

“Beel! I think you should forgive yourself,”

“The love between twins is the most beautiful one.”

“I’m sure, it will all be alright,”

“I’m always here. Do your best!!”

“Beel, you are the protector of the family and everyone is counting on you!!”

The last Lucifer

“That’s brave of you!! I’ll always be by your side.”

“Thank you for protecting me!”

“I’m sure Lilith lived in a way she deserved.”

“You brothers make me so happy!”

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I remember clearly, that day..when I asked you to make me yours. When you said yes, I was happy. Very. When my mark came onto your body that was the time I must’ve fallen in love with you.

(Y/n), you embrace me when I’m sad. 

You cuddle with me when I want to sleep.

You are not afraid of my presence anymore. You forgive me right? 

You let me lay on your shoulders or lap and play with my hair.

You helped me bond with my brothers.

You talk to me about the stars. 

If you are doing all this for me that means that you love me…?

That would be the conclusion right?

Me and you and Beel in my sweet dreams. I will make that happen, starting now. 

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

“(Y/n), I love you and I know that you love me too, right?” Belpheghor confessed to me, with a small blush on his face. He looked adorable. 

“Ha..hhee..” I softly chuckled at the confusion. This was really hilarious. 

“HAHAHA, HAHAH,” He laughed at me when I was struggling for air. 

“What is it Belphi? Did you think I was in love with you?” I questioned him with a smile on my face. 

“I thought..” He couldn't answer, Just like when I couldn’t ask for help. 

“Demons are such idiots or it is only you?’ I asked, mocking him.

“Humans are such foolish, idiotic, weak creatures,”He mocked when I felt betrayed. 

“You tricked me..?” He questioned softly in both parts of shock and despair. 

“Tricked..? I didn't even try,” I laughed at the pathetic demon. 

“You are so stupid, I can’t help but laugh, don’t blame me for TRICKING YOU, “He laughed ,at me, I felt insulted. 

“Thank you for killing me Belphi~, I’ll admit you are a little awkward but have a pure heart, but I don’t like you one bit, I don’t hate you either,” I said as I twirled in amusement, his eyes widened in hope. 

“You are irrelevant to me, lovely belphegor,”I coldly said and he broke. 

A merciful person would kill you for what you have done to me. But I? I’ll mentally ruin you and when you had enough, you will kill yourself

“I’m not your sister, I’m (Y/n), the merciless,  who will ruin your life,”

[creative-kny-fics]

Lee! Yoriichi and Ler! Sumiyoshi and Suyako?? Pliss

Of course! In the manga/anime, Yoriichi showed a great approach to family! (Artist name is in the images) (I also added Sumire-)

Lers: Suyako, Sumiyoshi and Sumire Kamado

Lee: Yoriichi Tsugikuni

"After Yoriichi gave me his precious earrings, I thought I would never see him again... I felt that this gift marked a farewell... Am I wrong...?", Sumiyoshi thought, he was not sure what it had happened to his friend, they constantly talked through letters, but there was nothing more to it than that.

That was their communication until one day...

'Hey Sumiyoshi! Don't you know what I found on the way back home... Or rather... Who!', Suyako announced excitedly, pulling at the haori of her husband, who had his back turned. 'Is it a squirrel? Or is it maybe...'

'Hello... Sumiyoshi...', that voice... Sumiyoshi turned around quickly, shook his head and rubbed his eyes, he couldn't believe it, was he dreaming? 'What's wrong dear...? I thought you'd be happier to see Yoriichi-San... Maybe-?'

Suyako jumped to the side a little when Sumiyoshi rushed to hug her companion, smiling when she saw him hug Yoriichi, it had been a long time since she had seen them together.

After that hug, they invited him to stay, well, more like they forced him a little, his 'it's not necessary' was totally ignored by the couple. 'It's been a while... How have things been...? Anything new to tell?'

'I don't know... Everything has been a bit confusing, there are things that my mind needed to think better... And I apologize for that, for the way you hugged me and how you expressed yourself, it seemed like I worried you...Excuse me for that', Sumiyoshi patted his shoulder, assuring him that everything was fine.

For Sumiyoshi, seeing his friend again was more than enough. Besides, he wasn't the only one who had missed his presence. 'Dad!'

'Huh? Oh, what's wrong Sumire?'

'This is Sumire...? Wow... Did I really isolate myself for so long? The last time I saw her, she was just a baby, she's grown up a little...'

Sumire looked at him confused, she had never seen him before, although her parents always told her the story of how he saved them, she didn't know that it was about him.

'Sumire... Meet Yoriichi-San. You remember him, right? Your mother and I always tell you about him! Besides, he used to carry you when you were very little... I remember your little smile when you saw how he approached our house...', the little girl approached, bopping Yoriichi's nose and then grabbing his cheeks with curiosity

'She seems to like you hahaha! Sumire has also missed you a lot, she used to wait for you every day and she would get sad when she saw that you didn't arrive... But we never let her forget about you!'

'Did she really do that...? Forgive me, little girl... I didn't mean to do it', he sighed and sat the youngest on his lap, stroking her head and looking away.

Sumiyoshi frowned and motioned to his daughter, who nodded laughing. 'He-hey! Su-Sumihire!'

'Ooooh, is that a giggle you just heard~? Hmmmm? It is not? Then why do I see a smile on your face~?', he laughed, thus encouraging the little girl to continue.

Sumire's hands began to rise Yoriichi's neck, smiling while he himself tried not to wrinkle his neck to let her continue. 'Ooooh? Aren't you avoiding stopping Sumire? How adorable!'

'I-It's juhust... I do-dohon't wahant to h-hurt her! Sumihiyohoshi! Stahahap heher!'

'Mmmm... Why should I? You obviously like this! Come on Sumire, give your father some space! Here I come Yoriichi~!

Yoriichi didn't even try to get away from him, his only attempt was to raise his hand while asking him not to come closer, but that only encouraged his friend to join his daughter. 'Wahahahaihit! Sumiyoshi plehahasehehe!'

'Mmmm? Please what? Be more specific Yoriichi-San! Do you want us to continue? That you want?! Did you hear that Sumi?! He wants us to continue!', the little girl laughed and nodded, this time she lowered her hands and began to press on his ribs.

Both she and her father laughed as they noticed how Yoriichi moved his arms that were covering his ribs away and tried to keep them away.

His excuse was 'not wanting to hurt them', but they both knew he was just too shy to admit he was having fun. 'What's happening? Have I heard some laughter? Oooooh! Is it tickling time?! What fun!'

'Suhuyahahakoho-Sahahahan! Stohohop thehehehem!! W-wahahaihit!! Nohohot yohohou tohohoho!! Thihis is so unfahahair!!'

The tickling continued, none of the three moved from the spot they had chosen to tickle, Suyako had his neck, Sumiyoshi his hips and Sumire his ribs.

'He's laughing a lot, isn't he? But maybe not enough... What if we try to make him really laugh?!', there was no need to convince them, they both agreed.

Suyako lowered her hands to his thighs, squeezing them gently, but it wasn't the reaction she was looking for; Sumiyoshi tried his knees, all he earned was a squeal.

Apparently they could only get him to laugh up to that volume, his laughter didn't increase!

'Mmmm... His sides! Dad mom! Help!', they both looked at what the little girl was pointing at.

No one had noticed that Yoriichi was covering his sides, at the moment when Sumiyoshi had decided to go for his hips, to avoid having his sides tickled, he decided to choose to cover them. 'Oooh! Good observation! Honey, do we do the honors~?'

'With great pleasure!'

'W-wait... Let's talk about this!'

There was no way, Sumiyoshi and Suyako took Yoriichi's hands away from his tummy, thus giving Sumire the opportunity to make him scream, or at least try to...

'HEHEHEY!! O-OKAHAHAY YOHOHOU GOHOHOT MEHEHE!! YOU CAHAHAN STOHOHOP NOHOHOW!!'

'Stop? Hmmm... Well, we'll stop, with some conditions~', Yoriichi looked confused.

What did he mean by "conditions"?

'The first is that you must admit that you like this!'

'HUH?! BUHUHUT-!! AHAHAHAHA!!! OKAHAHAHAY!! I LIHIKEHEHE EHEHEHEHE THIHIHIS!!'

'Hmmm, what exactly is "this"? Be more specific Yoriichi-San!'

Suyako laughed and playfully pushed her husband, after a while of laughing, they both stopped. 'That is better! You have a very nice laugh, Yoriichi-San!'

Sumiyoshi nodded, walking over to his friend to make sure he was okay.

'And what is the second request...?'

'Smile more often or else...-!'

'You'll tickle me... I get it... I'll try to comply...', Yoriichi stood up, using his fingers to form a smile for them.

Definitely, both Suyako and Sumiyoshi missed that smile...

[bi-bard]

Cruel Trick of Fate - Xenk Yendar Imagine [Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves]

Title: Cruel Fate

Pairing: Xenk Yendar X Reader

Word Count: 1,508 words

Warning(s): self-image issues (i think that's a good way to describe it), mention of attack

Summary: Xenk saves the life of a person in need. (Y/n)'s time spent healing brings the duo exceptionally closer than either of them considered to be possible.

Author's Note: I don't know if I'm surprised that this is happening or not.

------------------------

My story truly begins when I woke up in what I assumed was a cave.

I had no idea where I was or how I had gotten there. And once I blinked the sleep from my eyes, I realized those facts and shoved myself out of the bed.

I scrambled, doing a circle in the hopes of getting some kind of hold on my surroundings. It didn't do much.

I reached over blindly, grabbing a stick of some kind that I could use as a makeshift weapon.

"You shouldn't be moving around."

I jumped when I heard a voice. I held out my arms, trying to look more threatening to the man than I actually was.

"You hit your head," he said. "You should sit down before your head begins to hurt again."

"Who are you and where am I," I asked. "And why did you bring me here?"

"My name is Xenk Yendar, this is my home, and you were attacked," he answered simply.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "That didn't actually answer my final question."

"Your head was hurt," he repeated. "By the creature that attacked you. Do you not remember?"

"Head injuries can impact memory," I replied. "Shocking, I know."

"I do not find that shocking at all," his eyebrows furrowed for a moment.

"I was being- it wasn't- why am I explaining the concept of language to you," I scolded myself more than I truly spoke to him. "Let me go."

"I cannot do that in good conscience," he shook his head. "How are you feeling?"

"I- I'm fine," I blinked a few times when a spiking pain shot through my head, finding a place in my temple to continuously remind me of its presence. "I want to go home."

"If I allow you to do that and you end up even more hurt on the trip, then I would never be able to forgive myself."

"Then you can guide me, how's... how's that?"

I must've swayed a bit when I spoke.

Xenk stepped forward, only stopping when I shakily pointed the stick at him.

"You are threatening me with a stick and are clearly weak, please sit down," he pleaded.

I closed my eyes, my face scrunching up a bit as I did so. I felt him pull the stick from my hands before guiding me to sit back down on the bed.

"I will be right back."

I dug the heels of my hands into my eyes, not acknowledging his comment.

At the time, I decided that the entire event was decided by some cruel act of fate.

It felt like I spent ages with Xenk.

At first, I was angry. Dismissive. I made my discomfort very well known. The more that I looked back on that time, the more stunned I am that Xenk never told me to leave. He refused to give up on me until I was fully healed.

I did eventually begin to calm down. Anger and annoyance became something close to indifference. It was all much calmer. We would eat together, conversations were less awkward, and my constant need to fight or run seemed to dissipate.

When that indifference changed, I wanted to refuse that it happened.

It felt strange to think that such a change had happened. Ridiculous.

It was so much easier for me to ignore it happened at all.

And then, Xenk came back with a wound on his arm.

I furrowed my eyebrows as he walked in.

"Are you alright," I asked.

He nodded. "Just need to take care of this."

I watched him for a while as he cleaned his wound and attempted to take care of it. It didn't seem like a very intense wound, but it did seem a bit difficult for him to take care of.

It took me far too long to finally step in.

"Alright, stop," I walked over and swatted his hand away. "I may go mad watching your stubbornness."

His eyebrows furrowed for a moment. "How would my supposed stubbornness cause you to lose- you were figurative!"

"Yes," I nodded as I moved his arm. He hissed a bit. "Does that hurt?"

"Not at all," he replied, voice slightly strained.

I rolled my eyes before walking around him and sitting behind him on the mattress. He was able to lower his arm and I was still able to properly take care of his wound.

I remained quiet as I wrapped his arm. I was the youngest in my family. My experience with tending to wounds was minuscule. But I could do some of the bare minimum.

"How is that," I asked quietly after pulling my hands away.

"Better than I could have done on my own," he mumbled.

It was then that I noticed how... strange the moment felt. We were so close and it all felt so... intimate.

We fell silent again. We both seemed fixated on watching each other's eyes. As if we were attempting to read each other's minds before either one of us made a mistake.

I nodded somewhat awkwardly before going to stand from my spot. "I... I think I am going to make us both some tea. I know that it won't heal you, but it certainly couldn't hurt."

I went to walk away, but his good hand stopped me, catching my wrist before I could get too far away from him. I stopped, turning back to him.

"What is it," I asked quietly.

He blinked a few times as if suddenly realizing what he had actually done. "I... I'm afraid that I don't truly know. I'm sorry."

He let go of my wrist, still stunned by himself.

I paused for a moment. After contemplating my choices, I stepped closer to him. He looked up at me.

My eyes moved up to his forehead. I don't know why. I think holding eye contact with him was simply too intense. I heard him sigh as my eyes moved. He must have assumed that I was staring at the mark decorating his skin and not just trying to cope with my own emotions.

"That is why it has taken you so long to fully trust me," he muttered.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "What?"

"The symbol of Szass Tam," he explained, looking away from me. "Some part of me will always be lost to it. I am closer to a monster than not... it is why you were so hesitant to trust me."

"No," I shook my head. "No, no, Xenk. That is not true."

He looked at me again.

"I didn't trust you because I was hurt and found myself in a strange place with a person that I had never met before," I corrected. "It was a very understandable reaction. But once I got to know you, I trusted you more. I cannot think of a single moment that the symbol on your forehead was what determined how I felt about you.

"You are also far from any kind of monster. You are a hero. You have saved many people, you protected me when you didn't even know my name, you have vowed yourself to a life helping others. I don't know a monster that would ever do such a thing."

Xenk seemed to scan every inch of my face, waiting for some sign that I was being dishonest. I reached up, gently running my thumb over the mark on his forehead. He took a deep breath, eyes falling shut as I did.

"Silly thing, really," I muttered. "I didn't even notice it when we first met. Did you know that?"

"Really?"

I nodded. "I was a little too focused on other things... like figuring out what had happened."

"When did you notice it," he asked.

"We were having dinner. That first night," I said. "I was refusing to eat until you did, so I had nothing to focus on other than you. That's when I started making out the symbol. I just... I couldn't bring myself to care about it."

"Why?"

"Don't know," I shrugged. "Instinct... fate?"

"I do not understand why fate would prevent you from caring."

"Maybe fate didn't want me to leave," I replied. "If I cared about the mark, then I would have."

"And why would fate not want you to leave?"

I could see something cross his face. Some small, knowing look. I bit back a growing smile at the idea. There was this air of safety and comfort. Security in whatever choice I made next.

I took a deep breath before leaning down and gently pressing my lips to his. I felt the hand of his uninjured arm reach up and touch the hand not resting on his face.

It was only a few moments before I pulled away. I slowly grinned at him. He smiled back at me.

"I'm glad that fate kept you from leaving," he muttered.

I chuckled. "So am I."

I leaned forward and kissed him again.

Quite a cruel trick that fate decided to play, wasn't it?

------------------------

Author's Note: I just wanna brag about the fact that I managed to guess where this movie was filmed while I was watching it with a friend. It was the coolest thing I've done in a long time.

Also, that I kept making comparisons between this movie and Ella Enchanted, but that's not really as cool.

------------------------

Navigation Guide

What I Write For

Some Original Characters

[msftsnmemes]

BOJACK HORSEMAN STARTERS.

unassorted taken from several audios & clip compilations. TRIGGER WARNINGS for mental health issues, alcoholism, suicidality, depression, drug abuse, and various other heavy topics that the show covers.

you'd probably sleep a lot better at night if you just admitted to yourself that you're a selfish coward who just takes whatever he wants and doesn't give a sh*t about who he hurts.

things don't become traditions because they're good, bojack. they become good because they're traditions.

you were born broken; that is your birthright. and now, you can fill your life with projects, books, movies, and little girlfriends; but that won't make you whole.

i don't understand how people live. it's incredible to me that people wake up every morning and say: 'yeah, another day, let's do it.

in the grand scheme of things, we are just tiny specs that will one day be forgotten. so it doesn't matter what we did or how we'll be remembered. the only thing that matters is right now. this moment.

believe it or not, the time's arrow neither stands still nor reverses; it merely matches forward.

there's no such thing as good and bad people. we're all people who do good and lousy things sometimes. all we can do is try not to do bad stuff and more good stuff.

the world is unforgiving enough as it is. the least we can do is find a way to forgive each other and ourselves.

when i almost drowned, i decided i would never again be weaker than water.

there will be times when i will see someone in trouble. you'll want to rush in there and do whatever you can to save them.

but you must stop yourself because there are some people you can't save.

because those people will thrash and struggle and try to take you down with them.

life is just one long, hard kick in the urethra for many people.

sometimes i feel like my whole life is just a series of loosely-related wacky misadventures.

that's the problem with life, right? either you know what you want, and then you don't get what you want, or you get what you want, and then you don't know what you want.

my life is a mess right now, and i compulsively take care of other people when i don't know how to take care of myself.

always take every opportunity that comes your way because opportunities are like sneezes from god, and when god sneezes, you can't say god bless you to god. so instead, you have to take the opportunity.

sometimes life's a b*tch, and you keep living.

you can live your whole life like a puzzle, put together from the pieces of different sets.

but at some point, you start to think it's you. you're the piece that doesn't quite fit.

and you spend so long with that feeling that the feeling becomes your home.

and it can be jarring when you discover one day that you suddenly don't feel that way anymore. at first, you don't trust it, but then, gradually, you do.

it's not about being happy; that is the thing. i'm just trying to get through each day.

i can't keep asking myself, 'am i happy?' it just makes me more miserable.

i don't know if i believe in it, real, lasting happiness.

all those perky, well-adjusted people you see in movies and tv shows? i don't think they exist.

you know, sometimes i feel like i was born with a leak, and any goodness i started with just slowly spilt out of me, and now it's all gone. and i'll never get it back in me.

i've had a lot of what i thought were rock bottoms, only to discover another, rockier bottom underneath.

loss is a collaborative art between the people who leave us and those who remain. we dance with the shadows of their absence.

one day, you're going to look around, and you're going to realize that everybody loves you, but nobody likes you. and that is the loneliest feeling in the world.

when i was your age, i got sad a lot. i didn't come from such a great home, but one day, i started running, which seemed to make sense, so i just kept running.

when you get sad, you run straight ahead and keep running forward, no matter what. people in your life will try to hold you back and slow you down, but you don't let them.

don't you stop running, and don't you ever look behind you. there's nothing for you behind you. all that exists is what's ahead.

i'm this close to falling off the deep end. i know i'm smiling right now, but the light inside me is dying.

i need to go take a shower, so i can't tell if i'm crying or not.

loss is a collaborative art between the people who leave us and those who remain. we dance with the shadows of their absence.

settle. because otherwise you're just gonna get older and harder, and more alone.

you're going to do everything you can to fill that hole with friends, your career, and meaningless sex, but the hole doesn't get filled.

i know i'm not the perfect guy. i actually kind of hate myself a lot of the time. but when i'm with you, i don't hate myself.

i like being around you, and i don't know if i ever told you that in so many words, so i'm telling you.

same thing that always happens. you didn't know me, and then you fell in love with me. and now you know me.

everybody deserves to be loved.

one day you're going to look around and realize that everyone loves you, but no one likes you, which is the loneliest feeling in the world.

when you look at someone through rose-coloured glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.

it's so easy for you to love me when everything's good.

it's important that you know i cared. you think i didn't care because i put up walls.

but i cared so much about you. i wanted you to respect me.

i wanted you to love me. i was so afraid that you would know that.

the universe is a cruel, uncaring void. the key to being happy isn't a search for meaning.

it's to keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you'll die.

i don't know what to tell you. i'm happy for the first time in my life, and i'm not going to feel bad about it.

it takes a long time to realize how truly miserable you are and even longer to see it doesn't have to be that way.

only after you give up everything can you begin to find a way to be happy.

do you ever look up at the stars and feel like they're tiny holes in the sky, sucking out all the oxygen, and suddenly you can't breathe because you're thinking about how small you are and how meaningless it all is?

it is so cruel to let people love you. all you are doing is promising you'll one day break their hearts.

there is no shame in dying for nothing. that's why most people die.

not understanding that you're a horrible person doesn't make you less of a horrible person.

it gets easier. every day it gets a little easier. but you gotta do it every day — that's the hard part. but it does get easier.

fool me once; shame on you. but teach a man to fool me, and i'll be fooled for the rest of my life.

i bought into this idea that i was this thing that couldn't be changed. the main thing i think about is how stupid i am that i didn't do this sooner.

i wasted so many years being miserable because i assumed that was the only way to be.

i don't want to do that anymore.

i understand that feeling of needing to bottle up your guilt and not burden other people with it.

you think you're protecting them from your toxicity. you convince yourself that you're being selfless, but it comes out in other ways and infects everything.

[blu3cl0v3rs]

Summary: Kai and Nya run into someone unexpected.

Warnings: Kai considers murdering a child

Prompt: Day 16 - Time Travel

Extra: I had another direction I was gonna go with this, where Wu and Morro sat down and looked through a photo album, but then Season 7 and the time travel prompt hit me in the face and now this happened. Set when Kai, Nya, and Wu travel 40 years back in time during Season 7.

Nya and I rushed to make it in time. For Wu's sake. For the future's sake.

The plan was to pretend to be our parents, get the Time Twins back to the present- or future? Kai shook his head, there's no point in dwelling on specifics. They get the Reverse Blade, then get rid of the Time Twi-

About to run into someone, I yanked Nya close as I rocketed them upwards. Stifling a yell, Nya glared at me, and I sheepishly shrugged at her. We glanced down to see what I dragged us away from, only for our jaws to drop in unison.

Misako, a younger brunette version of her, pulled a kid down the steps.

But not just any kid.

A screaming, flailing, angry, child-sized, living Morro.

It was almost uncanny how similar this child and that evil-monster-danger ghost looked alike, until I reminded myself that they were the same person. He had black hair and the same unnatural green lock, although his skin wasn't tainted a sickly green, nor did he have those darker eye marks, and he seemed a bit smaller. But regardless, the wind master screamed.

"LET ME GO, I CAN HELP! MISAKO!" the boy repeated some variations of that same line constantly, swinging limbs making it difficult for the brunette woman to safely escort the child down.

It would be so easy to blast the kid off the mountainside, a sinister thought slithered through his mind, coiling around his consciousness. It would save Lloyd from the night terrors, the constant fear of possession, the way he looked at Cole. My sister gave me a hardened look, obviously knowing what I was thinking. Not surprised, we could never hide things from each other.

"He's just a kid," she whispered.

"So is Lloyd," I shot back.

"He hasn't done anything wrong yet."

"But he will."

"So?" Nya sighed. "I get it, Kai. But if we change this, the future won't be the same. It could destroy our future."

I pursed my lips, rage still simmered under my skin. That monster child hurts Lloyd in the future.

"Please," Morro teared up. "I can help! I'm strong enough, I can protect them."

My head snapped towards the duo. Misako had stopped trying to walk down the stairs, and Morro had stopped trying to escape, allowing her to set him down with firm hands on his shoulders.

"I know you want to help, and I know you're strong, but we would never be able to forgive ourselves if you got hurt, Morro." Misako reasoned, a soft glint in her eyes. "We all love you, and I need you to trust that the other's can handle this. Capiche?"

Morro glared at the stairs he stood on, as if he could bring down the Time Twins by taking down the mountain itself by his stare.

"...capiche," he mumbled, allowing himself to be brought down the rest of the flight of stairs by Misako's steady grip on his small calloused hands.

The anger seeped out of me. I took a focused breath, and landed us near the monastery.

"Let's finish what we came here to do."

[ariesmusingz]

૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა ╱ saves the world sentence starters pt 1 ( created using lyrics from muna's saves the world album. feel free to adjust to fit your muse. )

i want to grow up

i want to put away my childish things

i think that i'm ready to take this song off repeat

i'm tired of the party games

i'm calling their blugg

they always turn out the same

i want to grow old

i want to lay down

i want to let go

i want to grow

so i heard the bad news

nobody likes me and i'm gonna die alone in my bedroom

looking at strangers on my telephone

wouldn't you like if i believed those words?

if i'm born to lose, i'll never try and i will never learn

i've been looking at myself in the mirror

don't leave me now

oh my god, like i'm your number one fan

so iconic

i would give my life just to hold your hand

i'm your number one fan

here's the bad news

i'm coming for everyone and i'm coming on strong

new hair and new shoes

i get what i like because i do what i want

in the thick of it

will you stick up for me?

are you gonna believe that i can do it?

love me in the way that only you can

by my number one

if i see my old friends, we'll go out dancing

if we go out dancing, then we'll go to the bar

if we go to the bar, then there's gonna be drinking

if i drink, i wanna see where you are

i don't see my old friends

i don't go dancing

i don't do most things i used to do

now that i'm thinking about it i did most things to get to you

no one ever told me leaving was the easy part

i gotta stay away

leaving you was easy

now i gotta do what's hard

stay away

if i go driving, then i'll put on music

ig i put on music, then i'll play your song

if i play your song, then i think i'll lose it

end up pulled up at the front of your lawn

i don't go driving

i just stay in

every moment is a fork in the road

all my roads lead back to you

if i turn off the light, then i might start thinking

if i start thinking, i'll think of the time when you said that you love me

you said i was perfect

you said you were sorry

you said you were selgish

if i don't stop it, before i know it all the bad things never happened

you never lied or treated me bad

if you did then you'll wish you hadn't

start believing you were right and i was too dramatic

i gotta leave the light on for tonight

any little misstep, i'll be at your doorstep

talking about forgiveness, giving you my heart back

just so you can break it one more time

i never thought you knew what love was until i heard you sing a love song

with the way that you treat me i had to reach my own conclusions

i thought your heart was stone

i thought you never let your feelings show

who are you singing about now?

you sounded clear as a crystal

you sounded soft as the rainfall

every note was a lump in my throat

i knew i had to hear it all

it was like a dream to hear such a sweet melody

i knew it was for not me

i need to know who

drove to the mountains in the morning

on the way back down, i thought my breaks would broken and the road would end

i would just keep going through the air and into the pacific ocean

i'm just trying to keep my head above water

get enough sleep and drink enough water

i'm so navy blue

i'm so navy blue over you

took a train to a friend's house

feeling shaken

seems like you somehow turn up when i'm at my weakest

don't know what to say so leave it blank like silence

go back home and wait for some new change that's coming

do you know that i've been holding my breath all of this time?

weren't you going to call me when you got back?

was it all lies?

weren't you going to love me if i just did everything right?

i don't know if i like love

i think i've had enough

seems like it's alright for some

it's just i'm not one

consider this my resignation

please consider this an end

deliver this recitation to the one who did me in

i'll never love again

i don't know if i like songs

i think maybe i was wrong

to think i could make it hurt less with a chorus sing-song

consider this, cause this is it

deliver this last performance to the source from which it stems

are you happy?

[ifitmeanslosingyouthenno]

it's too late for holy water now

day 13 whumptober prompt: alternative, “secrets revealed”

tw: semi graphic violence, non detailed non con, talk about suicide (please tell me if i should add something more)

the door to his room slamming open is what makes him bolt awake, fear and adrenaline flooding his system at once 

he struggles to see in the darkness, panicking and shoving the blankets away from him in his haste to get up

“it’s me, it’s just me”

jean, it’s just jean

he sighs in relief, eyes adjusting enough he can recognize the faint form of his partner, tall and lanky and endlessly familiar. he was away for an interview with riko, but he’s back and he seems physically fine and that’s all that matters.

“jesus christ, did you have to scare me like that, i thought–”

“he knows,” jean whispers in frantic french, and neil’s alarm comes right back, “i don’t know how he found out, but he knows, i couldn’t do anything to stop it, and–”

“jean, stop, breathe, who knows what?”

neil moves to turn on the small lamp on their shared bedside table, and is filled with fear at the horror written in jean’s face

he jumps out of the bed, having to stand on his tip toes to gently guide jean’s eyes to his, to hold jean’s face with scarred and bandaged fingers

“breathe, jean, what happened?”

jean looks at him with so much sadness, so much pity, but his eyes are clearer

he doesn’t know his words are going to throw his world off its axis

“riko knows about you and andrew”

no

no

no no no anything but this, no–

he lets go of jean’s face, shaking his head, refusing to believe jean’s words because there is no way riko found out, they’ve been careful, he has been careful, and andrew knows to be careful and there’s no way this is happening

his lungs are burning, his gaze is blurring and his breath is coming through ragged gasps

and god he’s been so fucking stupid, he knew that they would never be safe, that he would be putting andrewin danger for daring to want, for daring to care and love anyone who wasn’t riko

he’s so fucking stupid and oh my fucking god what if he goes after andrew again, what if he hurts him again, and what if he fucking dies because of him and–

“neil, you little bastard, i know okay, im sorry, and i know how scary this is but you need to focus,” jean’s terrified and shaky voice breaks through to him, and neil drags in a funny excuse of a breath, “what do we do? what happens now–”

right, right, he needs to get his shit together, he needs to find a solution

not for him, never for him, he’s way past being saved from this, but andrew can be saved

he doesn’t remember sitting on the floor, doesn’t remember when he got in this curled up position, but jean is kneeling in front of him, a careful hand on neil’s shoulder

andrew can be saved and so can jean, he thinks with sudden clarity

“jean you need to leave”

“what are you– where are we going?”

“no, not we, you need to leave”

“don’t even think about it, i’m not going anywhere without you”

“yes you are, you’re going to palmetto and you’re going to warn andrew about this, you’re going to make sure he’s safe–”

“if i go, who’s going to keep you safe?”

“you know as much as he wants to hurt me, he can’t kill me, but he can kill andrew, and if andrew dies because of me, i will never forgive myself” 

he chokes out the last words and he hopes, he begs jean understands, because if something happens to andrew, neil would not be able to live with himself

he doesn’t think he would survive being the reason andrew is gone

jean’s eyes are teary, looking anywhere but neil, trying to find another solution at the very least, trying to figure out a way they all survive this

neil can’t let him waste more time

“jean i need you to go to andrew, i can’t– if he dies because of me i’m going to follow him”

he knows it’s unfair, knows it’s wrong and cruel and inexcusable, knows he’s hurting jean in ways he can’t forgive himself from hurting him

but it’s what’s going to move him to do this

if he can’t keep them all safe, at least jean and andrew will make it

they have to

“jean you don’t have much time, you have to go–”

“no, no, we promised to don’t– we said we wouldn't do that, that we wouldn’t hurt ourselves or–”

it breaks his heart to put jean in so much distress, but he needs to 

“no jean, i made you promise to never do it again, but i never promised you anything”

tears are falling down jean’s cheeks now, and despite his shaky hands, despite the betrayed look in jean’s eyes, neil moves to wipe them away

“i wish there way another way, but you need to leave jean,” it makes his skin crawl, it makes him want to light himself on fire, but he needs to make jean go, “please jean”

jean flinches as if neil has punched him, and his eyes hold nothing but terror and resentment and hatred

good, if it’s going to make him leave, let jean hate him, let jean resent him, let jean feel whatever he has to feel

neil can take it, even if it breaks him 

jean doesn’t even look at him as he opens the drawer they keep the keys they stole years ago from tetsuji’s office for neil’s car, and shoves clothes in a bag carelessly, before making for the door

neil pretends it doesn’t hurt even if his chest feels tight and he wants to throw up and

“i hope he’s truly worth everything you’re losing, nathaniel”

it’s a low blow, one he deserves, one that hurts him the way the word please hurt jean

he knows he deserves it but it doesn’t take the ache away

before he knows it, he’s alone, in the dark, waiting, waiting, waiting for the devil to come claim his soul

he told jean riko can’t kill him, but he’s not half sure of the fact

he knows riko will stop at nothing 

before he knows it, the door to his room is slamming open again and riko enters the room with his crueler ravens behind him, taking a second to scan the room before he’s picking up neil from the floor and slamming him against the wall

“where the fuck is moreau nathaniel?”

neil summons as much fake courage as he can, and smiles his father’s smile, “gone”

riko punches him straight in the mouth, once twice thrice, sending him tumbling to the floor, head bouncing off the foot of the bed hard enough that he’s left dazed, ears ringing, vision blurring once more in what feels like hours but could only have been minutes

his hair is gripped harshly, and riko drags him to his bed, straddling his hips and wrapping his hands around neil’s throat with enough force to hurt but not enough to kill him just yet

“so what, first you whore yourself out to any man out there who looks at you with pretty eyes despite the fact that you are mine and mine alone, and then you get rid of my number three?”

neil is losing it, but he forces himself to smile, forces himself to get the conversation flowing in the direction he wants to, knowing he’ll regret it

it’s for jean and andrew’s safety, not his

“who said i’m yours, you psychotic little bitch–”

riko punches him, again and again and again and again and–

“you belong to me, nathaniel, not some fucking bastard mongrel, you have my name signed in your soul, you have my number in your face, you are mine to do as i fucking please, and you will not forget that” 

he flicks his knife open, slicing his shirt through and pressing the tip of his knife to his scarred skin, and neil jolts at the pain, only succeeding in pressing harsher on his throat

riko smiles a wild thing

“you’ve forgotten who owns you, but that’s okay, your king, your owner will remind you, and i’ll make sure no one ever forgets it”

neil loses time after that, is pretty sure that he loses consciousness too, as riko so kindly carves his name into neil’s skin over and over again, deeply enough that it will scar uglily, deep enough that it will never fade away

deep enough that his bed is squishy with his own blood after riko figures his name is written enough times on neil’s skin and neil hates himself for daring to want something that he wasn’t allowed to

he was foolish to think he could bite back the hand of his owner

“there, neither you nor anyone will forget who you belong to nathaniel, isn’t that right?” neil can do nothing but whimper in pain despite himself, “now, to prove that i can do whatever i fucking want with you, why don’t you let the boys here have some fun huh? why don’t you show them how much fun you can be my love?”

nathaniel feels nothing but pain in the next few hours, pain and agony and shame and guilt and regret and

and he feels nothing at all by the time riko kneels next to his bed and presses a kiss to his forehead

“make sure to never forget again, will you nathaniel? you know how much it hurts me to have to punish you, but you leave me no other option.” he stands there, pressing his fingers into the bites in his shoulder hard enough that neil flinches with what little energy he has left. riko just smiles. “be at practice in the morning, or else.”

nathaniel is left alone, in the darkness, in pain, unable to move and covered in blood and sweat and come and–

he can’t stop the tears from falling as he realizes he has to patch himself back together on his own, he has to clean himself and force himself to stand up and make himself push through on his own

he doesn’t know how to anymore

he told jean riko can’t kill him and he was right

what he didn’t tell jean was that by the end of it, he would wish he was dead

im actually sorry i wrote this and cried several times while doing it remain safe everyone <3 title from anger by sleeping at last bc i couldn't find a song who fit the vibe and theme better

[angelsanarchy]

Glass Houses: Jack Thurlow x Y/N One-Shot Series PRT 28

Tagging:@roryculkinluvr@thatsthewrongwallcraig@icarus-star @cc-luvr @madamemaximoff06@shady-the-simp @quicksilversg1rl @s-0lar @kristennero-wallacewellsver@ophelialaufey @mayathepsychic1999 @x-prettyboy-x @rorylover71 @auggiethecreator @tempt-ress @blacksoul-27

Jack kept to himself the first few days. He would see Y/n's car pull in and try not to stare at her through the window like a creep. He didn't want to overwhelm her in the first week so he waited. He kept thinking about what he might say, how he might apologize and have her actually know how sorry he was for how things happened. He starts taking evening walks like Dr. Carty had suggested and it really helped clear his head.

It wasn't until Saturday that they crossed paths. Jack actually stopped dead in his tracks seeing her having as cigarette on the bench on the side of her house that her mother can't see.

"It's okay, you can say hello. I won't bite you." Y/n spoke first.

"Hi...I promise I wasn't like following you or-" Y/n laughed at Jack's fumbling.

"I know Jack. I just got here. I just needed a break before going inside." She explained. He nodded unsure if she wanted to be alone or not.

"How are you feeling being home?" She asks, inviting him to take a seat next to her.

"I feel better, more myself physically and mentally." Jack rubbed his palms on his jeans.

"That's good." She took another drag and stayed silent.

"I owe you a lot of things. The most important thing being an apology. I am so incredibly sorry for being selfish enough to come off my meds and taking out my episode on you. I'm sorry for the shitty things I said, I didn't mean them. I know how important your mom is to you and I know how much you love taking care of people. That's what makes you such an amazing person." Jack swallowed the lump in his throat as Y/n kept her eyes on him.

"I...I'm also sorry for getting physical with you. I didn't remember doing it to Shanda and I don't remember doing it to you either but that doesn't make it any less awful. It was wrong, disrespectful and I'm just...so insanely sorry Y/n." Jack finally met her gaze.

"You also probably saved my life. I was in a really bad way that night and I'm lucky you were there to stitch me up. I know that couldn't have been easy on you so I'm also sorry for putting you through that for no reason. It was a mistake and I don't intend on repeating it ever again. I'm not saying I won't ever have another episode but I will make sure I will always take my meds to avoid putting you or anyone else through that." Jack felt like he was ten pounds lighter after saying all that.

"Do...do you think you'll ever be able to forgive me? Maybe give me a second chance?" Jack asked trying not to sound as desperate as he felt.

"You want to tell me what triggered the downfall? I mean the night we had together seemed really nice and I thought things were going well. Then all the sudden-"

"Oh no our night was perfect. It honestly had nothing to do with that. I just...I got a call from my ex-fiance. She said she was moving and wanted me to come back to California and collect my stuff. I just...I couldn't fathom the idea of going back there or seeing her again...everything all sort of came crashing down at once and I just...lost it." Jack explained. Y/n held the cigarette out to him and he took it, taking a drag and ironically felt like he could breathe easier.

"When I think about the place I was last year, it reminds me of how fucked up I was. How damaged I am and how it hurt the people I loved the most. It makes me think I don't deserve happiness...especially the happiness you bring me." Jack handed her cigarette back to her.

"How do you feel about it now? Do you still think you don't deserve happiness?" Y/n asked curiously.

"Sometimes I think I let myself sabotage my own happiness just so I can't ever really hold onto it but I would like to think I've atoned enough for my mistakes to allow myself that feeling." Jack watched as she finished the cigarette and let out a sigh.

"I forgive you Jack. Neither of us are perfect but I try every day to make sure I can do whatever it takes to not allow my shit to touch other people. I try really hard to make sure that I take care of myself, take my medicine and talk to my therapist when I'm having issues so that they can't bleed over to the people I care about, you being one of those people." She gives him a sad smile. Jack reaches out and takes Y/n hand giving it a squeeze.

"Why are you so good to me? I want to believe I deserve it but-"

"Jack, I like spending time with you. I like to talk to you and joke with you. I like to get off with you or banter over weed and breakfast. I want you to believe me when I say you deserve happiness just as much as I do." Y/n squeezed his hand back.

"I like spending time with you too. You were all I could think about when I was away. I just, I want to keep my head on straight for you, for myself too but I want to be well so whatever we have going on between us, we get a real fair shot." Jack smiled as she scooted closer to him.

"We will. I will agree to the second chance but I want you to be honest with me when shit starts to feel like you can't handle it again. I want you to tell me when you're drowning so I can at least have a chance to try and help you." Y/n pushed the hair away from his face and he nodded.

"I like the sound of that." He sighed leaning his head forward, resting his forehead into hers.

"I missed you." Y/n said touching his face delicately. Jack felt a wave of relief wash over his chest as he took in her scent.

"I missed you too." Jack wanted to kiss her but she kissed his forehead first. He felt like he was going to be so much more vigilant with his second chance with Y/n. He wasn't going to let his past dictate his future. He wanted happiness. He deserves it.