#and not referencing that feels like removing important context from my discussion???

[late-stage-lesbian]

Sorry if this is overstepping or anything but I saw your question in the tags of a post(the one about white people and reblogging poc posts) and I wanted to give my 2 cents ok it if that's ok(sorry again if it's rude)

So while it is appreciated that you do agree with OP and are adding something to the conversation, most times serious posts about racism are meant to serve as a beacon for poc, to bring attention to issues that were facing or that white people may be causing. By adding a white voice in there, even if it's agreeing it does take away some focus from the poc perspective on the issue in favor of a white person's perspective. It's unfortunate, and sometimes you can bring up a good point or raise awareness, but usually it's a good idea to do so on a separate post, or a post designated for both poc and white perspectives rather than a post made for poc experiences.

Sorry a final time, I hope this made sense? Either way ur question is valid and I hope this was at least kinda helpful!

This makes sense, and I really appreciate your taking the time to explain your perspective. Please don’t apologize for engaging in a productive discussion with me, I’m really just surprised that anyone read the tags at all 😂

I guess my question really should have been more focused on whether or not this still holds true if the commentary is in the tags of the post, because I always perceive the tags of a post as separate to the post itself. Like I treat tags like I might treat annotating a text - I’m drawing connections or notating where my personal experiences line up with what’s in the post. It’s almost like I’m talking to myself, and people can read them if they want but they also aren’t meant to be for anyone as much as they are meant for me to kind of process what I was reading and sometimes to signal to the OP that I was listening. And I put that in the tags specifically so that it doesn’t have to travel with the post if it ever gets reblogged from me.

But it occurred to me while reading the original post that I might be treating tags very differently than other people, and I wasn’t sure how that matched up with the post. And I don’t know how much of that is just my Autism manifesting in a way where I have misinterpreted the way this tool is meant to be used, or how much of this is my AuDHD having to process all of my thoughts to other people in order for me to understand them, or how much of this is just internalized white supremacy culture making me think I’m entitled to a part of the discussion.

TLDR; Do other people consider tags to be a part of the conversation? Or do other people consider tags to be independent of the conversation unless otherwise stated (like with ‘prev tags’ descriptors)? Or is there some other third thing?

[flagellant]

Putting this on anon, because I'm pretty sure this is an opinion that might upset people, but it's still relevant to the discussion you're currently having/stuck in.

I, personally, don't believe you CAN appropriate Japanese culture, for the same reason I don't believe you can appropriate American, British, Russian, or Chinese (Beijin central official government) culture.

Because these are imperialist powers who have literally murdered and waged war to FORCE people to adopt their culture. I feel like once a group walks up, says "You will adopt this culture or WE WILL KILL YOU," everyone is allowed to do whatever the fuck they want with it.

Now, I love Japan, I love Japanese culture and artwork, and yes, anime, but I think that anyone who high on the bandwagon of "Oh, you can't do that, that's ApPrOpRiAtIoN of the Japanese culture, needs to read some fucking Japanese history. Ideally stuff written by the Japanese.

The people worried about appropriation of Japanese culture are the same ones who dog-piled on a designer for making a Kimono in an Clan Tartan (she was half Japanese, half Scottish) because they were CERTAIN she was a non-Japanese """Appropriating""" Japanese culture.

Also, I follow all the Japanese official government twitters, and about once every other week they just tweet out a whole slew of "Come join us at such and such, learn about traditional Japanese culture! Come participate in our festivals! We really, REALLY want everyone to come be part of our cultural heritage! We'll send you free books on the subject!"

Closing clarification. I absolutely believe that Cultural Appropriation is a real thing, it is a real problem. Especially when dealing with smaller cultural groups that have been suppressed in the past, one must tread with care and the utmost respect. I very specifically have worked to remove terms taken from certain cultures from my common usage and vocabulary because people from those cultures have asked. Spirit Animal, Golem, (The cannibal spirit repeated referenced in Hannibal), these are terms that have important cultural significance, and diluting and misusing them is wrong.

But, again, if a major historical factor in a culture is "We are literally going to murder you and your family if you DON'T adopt our culture," I think you lose pretty much all right to claim/complain about appropriation of your culture.

Okay so you do realize that the reason the Japanese official government twitter posts "Come learn about all these traditional cultural and historical things" is because they want people to learn about Japanese culture so that they DON'T continue appropriating it, yes?

All I'm going to tell you is you seriously need to remind yourself what, exactly, cultural appropriation is. It doesn't just mean feeling entitled to a closed culture's practices. It means the theft and misinterpretation of a culture due to a lack of knowledge and respect for that culture within its own context. Wearing a kimono as someone who isn't Japanese isn't appropriative. Dressing as a geisha for Halloween is appropriative. A foreigner seeking to become a geisha isn't appropriative; Memoirs of a Geisha is appropriative.

I am trying to say this in the most well-intentioned way I can, and I hope you understand it as such: The reason you think this opinion will upset people is because it's an opinion which literally any fucking East Asian person would see and go "What the actual living fuck is this bullshit." If you are as invested in respecting these cultures and in not perpetrating racist and dismissive attitudes towards its people as you claim, I would really suggest you need to do a better job and actually find fucking someone, anyone, who is East Asian, because the concept of "It's impossible to appropriate Japanese (and by extension of your definition Chinese) culture" is literally why the term cultural appropriation exists in the first place.

[literateleah]

the paradox of emily prentiss’ audience perception and character design

some of y’all about to be real mad at me, but it must be said:

emily prentiss’ character design makes no sense: my personal opinion + an objective analysis

i think it can be challenging to separate the versions of characters we have in our little brains from actual canon content, but doing so is important for understanding what those characters are truly like, especially within the context of their environment and in contrast to others around them. plus developing a deeper understanding of the media we consume is super fun and interesting! with that being said: emily prentiss should not work for the fbi and here’s why (in three parts regarding who’s responsible: cbs, paget, and fans) (sit down and grab a snack i promise this is over 3k words)

quick disclaimer: i don’t dislike emily at all! that’s my girl, i just looked closer and realized some funky things the writers did and felt the need to analyze her of course: so let’s get into it

part one: what cbs did

cbs set the stage for emily’s introduction on the heels of the departure of lola glaudini as elle greenaway! lola has clarified that she decided to leave the show because filming in los angeles was not the best environment for her personally, and after one successful season on a major network (but not much established long term plot or drama beyond elle’s departure as a character) a consistent ensemble cast was required- particularly because the bau had been criticized for being predominantly male in the first few episodes of the show and not much development was given to penelope or jj yet. enter emily prentiss.

for the duration of seasons 2-3ish, emily was framed as a chip off the block that was elle greenaway, just slightly…richer? in her first few episodes emily was hesitantly polite but ambitious, clean cut, intellectually concise and held her own within the team. she seemed equal parts intimidated and frustrated by her male superiors (gideon, hotch) but certainly proves herself among other profilers. her childhood was explored only within reference to her strained relationship with her mother (which was only ever referenced once more after the fact) and we received a short overview of her educational and career history in her first few episodes. emily fit right into the hole elle had left, and didn’t have many major storylines yet.

seasons 4-6 brought a bit more development and depth to emily’s character! she begins dropping more snarky remarks, one liners, and socially deepening her relationships with the other team members. this seems more within the lines of elle’s design, but emily arguably took more time to grow into her place within the team. during the foyet arc she was vulnerable and supportive, and the doyle arc gave her some independence and agency she didn’t have previously. this era also solidified her appearance and persona as more edgy, which falls in line with general fanon perception of her character (especially when compared to jj or penelope). i can’t address this era or season 7 without mentioning that cbs was actively trying to remove paget from the cast, similar to how they did to aj cook as well. paget has spoken about this instance before, and i believe it slightly affected her portrayal of her character, and “lauren” was somewhat of a goodbye for both paget and emily (thus why she wished for mgg to direct since they were best friends).

season 7: in my opinion, one of the best seasons for emily. she was wisened and deeply wounded by her experiences with doyle, which was understandable of course. she returned to the team she loved and learned to appreciate life in a different way, remaining mature during this time period as well! though her departure was a bit less than graceful and sudden at the end of this season, it made sense compared to some other exits the team had seen.

now *sigh* all the rest.

paget as emily appears in two separate guest appearances (once in s9 and once in s11, and she is referenced offscreen as well) before permanently reprising her role as unit chief of the bau. these appearances were most likely to boost ratings and get the team back together (i.e. 200) or just to pepper in international cases (tribute). emily’s personality remains pretty consistent here, just more mature and comfortable in leadership positions (seeing as she is running an entire branch of an international law enforcement organization). then season 12 hit.

upon the departure of thomas gibson as hotch, cbs reached out to paget to see if she would be interested in fulfilling her role as emily within a longer term unit chief position. i’ll get into why this is wack in a few paragraphs, but the remainder of her time on the show is spent on a mature portrayal that seems very distant from her previous versions. emily is more authoritative, gives orders with ease, and has no qualms about leading a team of agents or even receiving promotion offers as director of the entire bureau.

thus concludes a general summary of the canon content cbs gave us as viewers. now let's talk about what they didn’t give us, regrettably

the primary aspect of emily’s design that comes to mind for many is her queer coding. though not much was to be expected from cbs, a prime time cable tv network, each of her relationships on the show (all with men) seemed oddly forced, and without much chemistry as compared to the SOs of other main characters. rumors of scrapped plotlines have floated around about what may have been, but the ultimate lack of acknowledgement of any queer characters in the main ensemble still leaves a feeling of disappointment to audiences, and leaves more to be desired as for how emily navigates social bonds.

part two (sidebar): what paget did

i think it could be agreed within audiences that paget brewster’s portrayal of emily made the role what it was! her dry witty delivery and emotional prowess combined with sitcom acting experience made her performance a mainstay for years. i think she did the best she could with a confusing and at times flat characterization, and brought the role to life.

paget also heavily contributes to fanon indirectly with her comments outside of the show (press, cameos, twitter etc). her general continued interest and fondness for the role post production affects fan perception, particularly in what she chooses to elevate and comment on. she and aj have both spoken about viewing jemily content, and paget and thomas have both also commented on hotchniss. most cast members feel free to comment on their characters in the appropriate timing, and seem open to discussing fanon ships and theories outside of canon!

part three: what fanon did

as we can tell from this fan space as well as the presence on insta, tik tok and twitter, fans LATCHED onto emily super quickly. she’s remained a favorite over the years, and this fan persistence is what brought her back so many times after leaving (so many times). in my opinion, queer coding and a bolder female trope (in contrast to her female counterparts) are the main pulls because they resonated with so many fans- new and old. with that being said, newer fans of the show in the past year in particular have been heavily influential in fanon, solely because of the large influx of fan content and popularity of it.

fan content began to take coding and bite size moments and snippets from the show as canon, and cemented it into much of the content and discourse they created. these small pieces of emily’s character are significant, but have become magnified by how easily they are to share and edit. for example, a collection of catchy one liners from emily over the seasons makes for a great video edit intro, or gifset! there’s absolutely no problem with this content, it just all combines to create a certain fanon perception no character escapes (this isn’t a phenomenon limited to emily or the cm fandom!)

these droves of content also solidified emily’s personality as much more defined, but at the same time, simplified it in a way that’s slightly harder to explain.

fanon: more emo/goth than canon basis

fanon: more introverted/anti social than canon basis

fanon: more violent/chaotic when canon emily is relatively well mannered and doesn’t start many conflicts (particularly in the workspace)

fanon: much less maternal when canon emily displays desire on multiple occasions (even crossing professional borders) for children, particularly teenage girls (possibly projection)

(again, nothing wrong with this interpretation at all and it still varies! This is just a generalization based on most of the popular content i have seen)

part 4: why it doesn’t work

let me start with this: emily prentiss does not like her job.

we don’t receive much in depth information about emily’s internal feelings and thoughts towards her mother beyond resentment. this stems from wanting to make it on her own, as a professional and as an individual (cough cough college deposits). this makes emily’s insistence on proving herself to authority figures in her earlier seasons is interesting to watch in different circumstances. she cites her experience and denies help from her mother when justifying her placement in the bau to hotch, she is extra vigilant about being helpful on her first case with gideon, etc. nevertheless, emily forges her own path outside of diplomacy and becomes a successful profiler and agent, with the help of her privilege, wealth and name whether she likes it or not. but if we read between the lines and fill in the blanks cbs neglected, these ambitions may subconsciously be oriented towards pleasing her mother.

example one: emily’s authority issues go further than just “rebellion” or “anarchy”, she frequently questions the ethics and sustainability of the work that the bau does. every team member does this, but emily much more so than anybody else.

in “amplification”, emily almost breaks federal protocol to inform civilians of anthrax threats. she butts heads with both hotch and rossi on this front, and ends the episode with having a conversation with rossi about the ethics of lying in their line of work. emily resigns to a solemn “it be like that” and moves along, accepting this reality.

on multiple different occasions emily laments to derek about the darkness she sees on the job, and it’s shown that this gets to her quickly on particularly bad cases. this is another contradiction of the design that she can supposedly “compartmentalize” better than others on the team, when she cannot unless the lives of others are at risk (doyle arc, s7 finale).

emily also responds in this way to many cases involving children, a similarity to jj many don’t notice upon first watching the series. “seven seconds” and “children of the dark” come to mind, during the latter in which emily is prepared to cross multiple professional lines to adopt a teenage girl left orphaned by the case, until hotch stops her and establishes that her emotions can’t rule her judgement on the job. regardless of hotch’s thoughts about her attempted caretaking abilities, these actions and impulses deeply contradict the typical bureaucratic pathways of the work the bau does.

the looming reputation of her mother’s diplomatic history hangs over emily, and after going to law school and working for the cia, she most likely did want to forge her own path as far away from being a socialite: being a spy. her inner nature doesn’t always reflect this profession, and leads me to believe that with her knowledge of psychology, law procedure and care for children: emily prentiss might be more inclined to working in social work, placing suffering children and teenagers in homes they deserve.

and finally, the hill i will die on: emily prentiss was an bad unit chief

this wonderful post touches on my general sentiment, but there were many reasons as to why emily prentiss’ career arc makes little to no sense (plot holes included).

first: her background. emily attended chesapeake bay university as well as yale and achieved a ba in criminal justice. keep in mind that though timelines evidently don’t exist in the cm universe, emily prentiss is ONE YEAR older than aaron hotchner (for context). in her first episode, she professes that she has worked for the bureau for a little under ten years in midwestern offices- something the audience laters knows to not be true. emily worked with the cia and interpol as a part of a profiling team and undercover agent up until roughly TWO YEARS before her canon introduction. plot holes and time gaps aside, this makes me wonder, why didn’t she just say the cia was a backstop without revealing the highly confidential nature of her work with doyle (similar to jj’s state department backstop and cover story)? penelope or hotch could have easily accessed her file and seen that she did not in fact have experience with the bureau in midwestern offices recently, and given the fact that erin strauss set up her bau placement, i’m presuming these formalities or references were overlooked.

second: her experience within the team. emily worked as a part of the bau with the bureau for roughly 6 or 7 years. after this, she is invited to run the entire london branch of interpol, one of the most renowned international law enforcement organizations. i’m surely not the most knowledgeable on requirements or standard timelines for such matters, but with the fact that emily had never led a team in her life (not in the bau or interpol previously) and had roughly 10 years of field experience, i don’t believe she would have ever realistically been considered eligible to run the whole london department.

third: her return to the bureau. fanon depiction of their relationship aside, if you believe aaron hotchner’s last wish before going into witsec was to entrust his team to emily prentiss, you’re dead mistaken. bringing emily back was clearly a pull for ratings after the loss of two main characters (hotch and derek), but logistically a bad decision. let’s suppose emily has had 4 or 5 years of experience in london now, this established authority position would be unlikely to change at the drop of a hat, even for old teammates or friends. also considering how close they were after a decade of working closely in bureaucratic and field contexts, i firmly believe hotch would have referred jj for the job of unit chief but that’s another discussion for another time.

emily’s reign as unit chief is odd, because of the many chaotic storylines crammed into it. but amidst bad writing and viewings plummeting, emily’s character is completely flattened. completely. emily is unrecognizable, both in appearance (that god awful wig) and personality. at times she acts as a complete wise authority, giving orders and delegating local authorities as hotch did. but at other times she makes multiple illegal, emotional, and incorrect judgement calls based on personal circumstances that lead to further chaos (deleting the recording of her and reid’s mexico conversation and reprimanding luke in “luke” for the exact same thing she did in season 6 even though she enabled her to do so come to mind).

i’m not sure if this is due to paget trying to find her footing in the role again, or the writer’s bad decisions towards the end of the show wrecking any previous design for their ensemble. then, there’s the infamous “wheels up” scene in s13e1. notoriously cringey, this seems like a vague caricature of something rossi would say many years in the past (the same goes for her pep talk in “red light” in the hunt for diana reid). these moments are meant to mature emily in the audience’s eye, but instead completely removed her from who we understood her to be, and made her an unreliable leader.

part five: and why it does

in theory, emily was a bolder foil to jj, similar to elle who she arguably replaced at first. she came into her own, and stands as a more uniquely developed character than almost any other in the main ensemble. she isn’t as maternal or domestically inspiring as canon jj, less bright and sunny than penelope, not quite as stoic or intimidating as derek or hotch. And yet at the same time, she’s a fairly blank slate. stripping fanon content away entirely, canon emily has few defining traits (all of which are constantly changing), and that may be the key to why we love her so much.

[gffa]

There a lot of people saying Rex’s actions in Shattered make what he said in Rebels either a lie or non-canon. Some think that fact he warned Ahsoka makes it so it wasn’t a real betrayal, but others say that’s unfair to the other clones who probably would have fought against their programming too given the opportunity. Some say it was because Ahsoka technically wasn’t a Jedi anymore, but I don’t think Rex (or Palps) would make that distinction. What do you think?

I think there’s two ways to look at the line re: having it make sense for the character.  (We could say it’s a retcon and that it doesn’t make sense/is a continuity error, but I think it fits perfectly well enough!) - Does Rex consider Ahsoka to be “his Jedi” in that line?  Because they’re very close and have an important friendship, but also Rex’s Jedi could very much still be referring to Anakin, whom Rex didn’t betray because they weren’t together when Order 66 went out. Here’s what he says in Rebels: Kanan:  “I don't feel like discussing it. It was at the end, the end of the war. Our fellow soldiers, the clones, the ones we Jedi fought side by side with, suddenly turned and betrayed us. I watched them kill my master. She fought beside them for years, and they gunned her down in a second, and then came for me. Later they said they had chips in their heads that made them do it. Said they had no choice.“ Rex:  “I didn't betray my Jedi. Wolffe, Gregor, and I all removed our control chips. We all have a choice.“ (Star Wars: Rebels, “The Lost Commanders”) Ezra:  “So, um, what was it like to fight in the Clone War?” Rex:  “I don't think the fighting ever got to Lothal. I tell ya, war was never dull. The general I fought with was among the greatest of the Jedi. I trusted him with my life more times than I can count. And I tried my best to keep that trust.” (Star Wars: Rebels, “Relics of the Old Republic”) If Rex is talking about Anakin in that line, it fits perfectly well with the events of The Siege of Mandalore, it has nothing to do with whether Rex considers Ahsoka a Jedi or not. The line Rex says, “Wolffe, Gregor, and I all removed our control chips” is pretty vague--he doesn’t say when they removed them and one of the things about the chips (as we see in Kanan: The Last Padawan or Darth Vader: Dark Lord of the Sith especially) is that it’s not just in the moment that they lose their autonomy on this, it stays with them, they continue to not have a choice about what to think. Hell, Rex’s line already clashed with what we knew of Order 66--the clones didn’t have a choice, so why does Rex say, “We all have a choice.”?  It’s hard to parse out the meaning of that, but it’s also in present tense, he may be referring to things now.  Which would mean it’s still perfectly compliant with what we’re seeing in the Siege of Mandalore. - You could make the case that “my Jedi” line refers to Ahsoka and Rex understands that he didn’t willingly betray her or he takes her forgiveness and accepts it, that it wasn’t a betrayal in her eyes, so it wasn’t in his.  I don’t think this is how Rex would operate, I think he would still consider it a betrayal (even though it wasn’t), or at least complicated enough that he wouldn’t have said that line the way he did to Kanan.  (On the other hand, Rex and Kanan took a long time not to be snappy at each other, so fair enough.) You could make the case that he sees his ability to get a warning to her out in time, to look up Fives, as his actions not being a betrayal in his eyes, but I still think Rex would hold himself to an impossible standard and that the line is referring to Anakin, especially given that Rex specifically talks to Ezra about him in the next episode.  (Especially since, given that he’s been promoted to Commander in TCW, but in Rebels, he says he’s still a Captain--I saw that as Rex feeling like he failed in that promotion, so he kept calling himself Captain instead, because he holds himself to those same impossible standards.) As for the other clones, it’s absolutely not a betrayal from our perspective or the clones’ perspective, even if it is a betrayal from the Jedi’s perspective.  That they had no choice about Order 66 is an absolute tragedy and we, the audience, see that.  But that doesn’t obligate the Jedi to view it through a certain lens, especially when their children were murdered in their very home by those actions, that the clones’ agency doesn’t matter from that lens. That’s why Kanan’s pain is so important, that he is absolutely allowed that pain because of the horrible things that happened to him at the clones’ hands, while at the same time, Rex’s own pain is just as important, given the clones were victims, too.  The Jedi shouldn’t seek revenge for it, because it wasn’t the clones’ fault, but neither are they obligated to forgive, because nobody owes their murderers forgiveness, no matter the circumstances. (That’s setting aside that of course the Jedi forgive them and understand, when they learn the truth, that’s who the Jedi are.  Kanan working towards forgiveness is paralleled with his taking steps back to being a Jedi.  Ferren Barr’s coldness towards the clones is paralleled with him stepping away from being a Jedi, he is no longer a Jedi by the time of the events on Mon Calamari.) The way The Siege of Mandalore was written was really beautifully done--Rex is just about the only clone that we see who has any knowledge to fight what’s happening, that he has any chance to recognize it for what it is and thus can fight it just long enough to get a message out.  It isn’t because Rex cares more about Ahsoka or that Ahsoka is better than other Jedi or anything other than the pure happenstance that Rex knew about Fives and the chips and so he could fight it just long enough to give her a message. Cody or Bly or Gray or any of the other clones we see carry out Order 66 without hesitation have no idea about it, they don’t know they need to be fighting this, to them it probably seems completely natural to their own thoughts.  It isn’t that they cared less about their Jedi, it’s that they didn’t have the context to fight back--because there is no way that you can ever tell me that, all jokes aside, Cody wouldn’t have fought like hell against the Order, given that we JUST SAW Obi-Wan save his life in this very same arc, on Yerbana.  Hell, in a way that very much was a direct call to referencing the events of ROTS--the missile coming straight at him, the “yes, sir!” response, etc.  We’re meant to see that, yes, of course Cody was loyal to Obi-Wan and cared about him, that had he any context for what was happening, he would have fought it. So, yeah, everything lined up perfectly well for me, that the lines in Rebels were about Anakin, because we saw in “Shattered” that Ahsoka was absolutely part of that hit list, she was specifically targeted, even though she wasn’t technically a Jedi.

[dreamerinsilico]

Thanks to The Good Place s4 having made its way to Netflix, and me having Feelings, I’m going to take a bit to publicly chew on them now. 

TL;DR: same as basically every take I’ve seen, it was a great finale that handled each of the characters in a way that made sense and also I cried through most of the last episode.  But also I have vaguely cranky philosophical ruminations about it that don’t make me appreciate the show any less, but definitely want to yap about it.

(Details under the cut, because spoilers and also this may get long.  Also apparently it’s going to involve some spoilers for The Old Guard.  And maybe a few minor NBC Hannibal references.)

So, first I want to reiterate: the way the show ended, given everything else the show had done, made sense and was emotionally satisfying to me.  I loved it.

In a bigger-picture sense, though... I’d really like to see more media that interfaces with the concept of immortality without concluding that death is the only way to give the human (or humanoid) existence meaning.  Where we end up in the finale of The Good Place makes sense, in that it’s already been established that there’s an afterlife that doesn’t really have any inherent meaning beyond individual souls’ experiences of it and their relationships with one another.  And it’s not hard to imagine that a lot of the small dramas and conflicts that provide variation to even very peaceful lives would be invalidated without any kind of pressure from those material needs.  Given the foundations of the show, Our Heroes’ decision about how to change The Good Place for the better is... the only reasonable conclusion.  

And, you know, I don’t blame the show for not being The piece of media I’m hoping for to just come out and say outright, “you know, actually fuck this whole death thing.  Not a fan.  Don’t need it.  Let’s get rid of it.”  That’s not what this show was ever even remotely trying to be about.  It’s about coping with the reality of the human experience in the 20th/21st century, which includes death.  (Even with my transhumanist leanings, as a bioengineer and also someone who ardently pays attention to other fields, I will not even hint at denying that this is going to be a mandatory part of our reality for quite a while yet.)

The conclusion the show draws that I very much do agree with (regardless of one’s stance on death) is that we require some form of tension to inject meaning.  When I picture myself in the Final Form of the Good Place, I think most of my energy and desire would be focused on (I guess like a combo of Chidi and Tahani) asking questions of people there, and making peace with relationships that had somehow been left hanging.  There’s a finite amount of each of those.  I’d run out eventually.  My scientific passion would have a hard time finding an outlet, because the laws of physics don’t apply and I can’t interface with living people who could still make use of my expertise and stubborn propensity to problem-solve.  I’d like to think my creative leanings would still matter, but I’m not positive to what degree they would in that environment.  (It’s worth a chuckle to me now that when they offhandedly noted that Shakespeare’s thousands of posthumous plays weren’t anywhere near as good as the ones he wrote on Earth, I was initially indignant.  But with further thought it makes sense that the longer one is removed from that tension I referenced previously, the harder it would be to make meaningful art.  Or to even have that art be appreciated by the audience, since, on the audience side, successful art plucks against the tension of the strings the audience itself carries.  And when your audience is restricted to people in paradise who have already at-least-mostly self-actualized....)

Something about the finale that I’m still chewing over how I feel about was the very last scene.  The implication of some form of reincarnation.  (If that wasn’t supposed to be the takeaway from that... well, please tell me, but I *think* I remember some kind of rewards card reference with Eleanor and Michael from an earlier season?)  The incurable romantic part of me appreciates the concept of reincarnation on principle, so that’s one thing.  It’s also entirely in keeping with Chidi’s metaphor about a wave returning to the ocean - that wave is gone; it’ll never be there again, but the stuff of it is still there and ready to take form again.  But the part of me that very much sympathizes with Simone and, while not being a neurologist, is very concerned with Theory of Mind... reincarnation doesn’t do much for that part.  If I die, and my metaphysical essence eventually shows up in a different human who has no connection via memory to their past lives... well, that’s very aesthetically pleasing, I guess, but the point to me is, the information was still lost.  When I died, my subjective experiences, memories, and capacity to act upon the world as Dae the Irascible Multi-Academic was lost, because my reincarnation doesn’t have access to that (much as I did not have access to my previous selves’s experiences).  

Anyway, speaking of incurable romantics, let’s talk about The Old Guard!  When I was previously starting to complain about no media that interacts with immortality as a concept avoiding the canard of “death gives life meaning,” I stopped myself.  Because you know what, The Old Guard didn’t fucking go there, and I’m proud of everyone who worked on it for that.  Booker thinks death is the answer because he has lost hope.  But the person he appeals to, the person he thinks he’s doing a favor, is Andy.  Who has lived millennia more than he has, lost the implied-love-of-her-life, and still has the will to keep going.  Her questioning of that is intrinsic to the storyline, but at NO POINT does she ever indicate she wants to die.  And Nile’s appearance reinvigorates her, even as she knows she now actually has an expiration date.  (And the expiration date is not what invigorates her.  It is Nile and the attendant situation reminding her of why they do what they do.)  I ultimately really like The Old Guard’s take on immortality, because it gives us a spectrum of reactions to it.  Nile, generally freaked-out and not happy about any of this but trying to do best by the people she loves.  Booker, jaded and wanting to end it all.  Andy, pretty jaded but when push comes to shove wants to keep fucking trying, and doesn’t just step back and abdicate responsibility when it’s clear she isn’t going to be around much longer.  Joe and Nicky, not necessarily always happy with their circumstances, but taking strength from their relationships, not just with each other, but with the group as a whole.  (I have a whole essay brewing, which may or may not eventually see the light, about their romantic connection being important but kind of only a part of their overall attitude about the group and how that is intensely important.) 

And because apparently I’m just going to keep tacking on essay-stubs to this one post, when I thought about how to start this, I also thought about how Hannibal Lecter (in NBC Hannibal) says, “The thought that my life could end at any moment frees me to fully appreciate the beauty and art and horror of everything this world has to offer.”  And I’m just kind of marinating in that (hah) for the moment because it represents a hedonism that The Good Place, in aggregate, rejects.  But you can’t really compare those two stances, because of course, Hannibal Lecter is a human, subject to human standards of beauty and horror.  I shouldn’t go off on a big tangent about this here, because the point of NBC Hannibal is emphatically not about immortality or mortality, but I felt it worth mentioning because a) hyperfixation and b) it’s an interesting thread in the wider discussion I’m interested in, that I like placing in context.

Anyway if you’ve bothered to read all of this, thank you profusely.  I have a lot of feelings about The Good Place which mostly boil down to “I loved it,” but I can’t help but poke at the whole death thing.  That’s kind of a sore spot for me in media.

[purgatoryandme]

Hey! I can't seem to find the post you made with all the books references in Illuminate Me and the reason behind it? Is it deleted?

I know that there is an incomplete one floating around in my reply tag, and it should be in the Illuminate Me tag, but tumblr’s search features are so bad that I went back to the original word doc of the complete list, so prepare for that particular storm lol.  Quoted/Referenced Reading List (In Order of Appearance) Shakespeare: Macbeth I opened on a Macbeth quote (‘When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lighting, or in rain’) because I wanted to start with something immediately relatable. Most readers were introduced to more ‘dramatic’ plays through Macbeth. Beyond that, they were introduced to the concept of pathetic fallacy, which I think plays nicely with Tony as a character (a man who is CONSTANTLY imparting emotion onto inanimate objects…and then actually giving them their own emotions) and with one of the core problems in IM, which is deciding the emotions of others for them. I was hoping to get the ‘feel’ of that without having to lean too far into the actual concept. 

Bonus: I picked this quote in particular because of the importance of threes in Tony’s life (his core group of friends, iterations of the reactor, number of times reborn, his bot children VS his AI children, the number of lovers or almost lovers he has in the fic, etc). Milton: Paradise Lost ‘What is dark within me, illuminate!’ is a modernization of the original Milton quote ‘what is dark within me, illumine’ for readability. I actually feel a bit bad about changing this considering how many people think this is the original quote now. This wound up being a central (and title) quote somewhat by accident. I’m fond of it because of how much I liked a different one that I had originally wanted for Tony’s thoughts of the reactor: ‘yet from those flames, no light, but rather darkness visible’. I had originally wanted to start off on a sadder note, one that showed how much Tony hated losing his humanity, and so the flames of Hell and their physics-bending concept seemed thematically appropriate. I had always intended to eventually invert the imagery – instead of Extremis being (to Tony) flames capable of extinguishing light, the reactor would become a water-like blue light that couldn’t be choked or recreated by any of the shadows that pursued Tony in his life. I picked Milton SPECIFICALLY for the imagery of light and shadows. 

But, man, listen. Darkness visible is a great concept, but it’s also tired. It has, as you’ve noted, been discussed to death. So as I was reading ‘Milton’s darkness visible and Aeneid 7’ to refamiliarize myself with some of the broader themes attached to that particular piece of imagery, I wound up thinking about how to invert the darkness itself instead of the overall concept. The flames of Hell extinguish light instead of having to exist away from it. It is a bad that cannot be penetrated by good. 

Instead of chasing away shadows, which would be implied by shining a light ON them, the request Tony makes here is to actually invert the darkness - to have it illuminate in and of itself. It’s becoming something better instead of being removed or forgotten. On the flip side of that, the darkness within isn’t growing as light weakens, but rather under its own force. Two forces equal in nature and origin in a person. It’s a different take on lighting than the one most critics hammer home. Long ramble is long, but this was the basis for using that quote. It grew from there to have many different meanings, however the core has always remained. All in all I’m pleased with it.

EM Forster: A Room with a View Very forgiving even in its satirical takes on human nature. A lot of passages are very therapy-quotable in their urging to accept the inevitability of causing some harm in life. It plays on a lot of the same concepts with light being obvious metaphor for good and evil that Paradise Lost does, but softens them into more realistic shades of human existence. Isaac Asimov: Foundation Continuing on with themes of rigid morality vs the flexibility and romanticism of humanity, we have Asimov, master of machines and the three rules of robotics! There are lots of quotable epigrams in this beast. The quote pulled from this has two readings depending on what you assume of the man who has said it. If you see him as manipulative, there’s an insidious underpinning of killing off your own morals. If you see him as a kind man, then you could read it as foregoing morals in place of empathy. Tony’s therapist loves a very specific brand of double speak that lets Tony work through the conversation purely through interpretation. Tolstoy: Anna Karenina Tolstoy’s prose is lengthy...so so lengthy, but Anna Karenina is worth the read as long as you relate to at least one of its major characters. Frankly, I think you can choose to read a single character’s plot arc and leave it at that. It’s mostly a novel that is interesting, not because of its plot, but because of its study of relationship dynamics. Tolstoy was really invested in picking apart the idea of what makes a ‘family’ and, beyond that, what makes a class. It’s refreshing to see so much of the critique occurring within the lived experience of the characters instead of through a narrator or outside punishing moral forces. Baudelaire: Windows and Benediction I cannot recommend enough reading multiple translations of Baudelaire poems (fleursdumal.org has a wonderful array available). Benediction is a personal favourite. I love me some malevolence wrapped up in religion. Dante: The Divine Comedy There’s a lot of bleak humor in Dante if you look for it. Several interpretations insist of making each piece excessively grim dark, but faithful translations tend to have a hint of humor in them. It works well for engraving War Machine’s spine - a benediction and a mockery of human limitations. I try to pick quotes that not only fit the scene, but would still fit into the context of the grander themes from whence they came...unless I hate the author. Tennyson: The Lady of Shallot “I am sick of shadows” vs “I am half-sick of shadows”. Tony’s expressing more frustration here with being alone and his passive involvement in that loneliness. Another quote I feel vaguely bad about changing, haha. The Lady of Shallot is a very nice classical piece that I’m sad isn’t taught in schools alongside Hamlet. There are some nice Ophelia parallels here. I wanted a feminine influence on Tony’s loneliness and one that is somewhat youthful despite his age. Yeats: Vacillation I fucking hate Yeats as a person. That said, the man can write. The man can REALLY write. His pieces are almost always layered to the point of absurdity and he’s perfect to swiping quotes with multiple meanings. Definitely Tony’s kind of author. Goethe: Faust Speaks for itself and in the author’s notes on its reference.  Dostoyevsky: The Brothers Karamasov IMO a book that deserves all the acclaim of Anna Karenina and then some. Very VERY Russian in its ethical debates of, as always, religious morality vs free will. Also dips into familial struggles and patricide, because it wouldn’t be a Russian classic if it didn’t contain some deeply buried bitter resentment towards paternalism. I’m going off-script here, but this is a fucking excellent book. I don’t really have words for how much I enjoy how Dostoyevsky explores the concepts that he does. Shakespeare: Julius Ceasar Shakespeare: Twelfth Night Twelfth Night deserves more credit for its development and maintenance of an enigma. Twelfth Night has charisma in spades both because of and in spite of the exceedingly petty actions of some of its characters. It is also a refreshingly simple take on love for the sake of it. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland Stephen King: Lisey’s Story I consider Lisey’s Story to be the best of King’s work. The man has his obvious writing ticks and his even more obvious issues as an author. Lisey’s Story contains many of them, but navigates them far better than any of his other work. The monster here is all in the mind and is too vast to truly see or understand. It’s perfectly representative of a creeping sense of inescapable horror. It was fun to flip it on its head with a reference here – Tony isn’t terrified of dying, but he is terrified of his inescapable enjoyment of Bucky’s company. Maria’s family saying is inspired by Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass Armitage: The Death of King Arthur A genuinely fantastic classic tale of heroism, filled with all the drama, tragedy, and sacrifice that you’d expect with strongly feminine undertones. I’m a sucker for this kind of thing. TS Eliot: The Wasteland Excellent piece of poetry with many layered meanings and dual interpretations. I can’t really articulate my thoughts on The Wasteland, but I reference an essay at the end of this list that does that for me. Oedipus Rex Rupert Brooke: Safety Not directly quoted but obscurely referenced through Bucky and Tony’s war conversations + Bucky’s conversation about, you got it, being ‘safe’ with his therapist. His poetry is about WWI and is, largely, idealistic. Safety is…not quite an exception to that. His other poetry contains a certain sense of honour and duty, whereas safety, maintaining a seemingly light tone, has nothing of the sort. It is safety in the soul – something untouchable by the horrors of war or death. It treats that as a ‘house’, which leant itself to the article Tony send Bucky. Armine Wodehouse: Before Ginchy Not directly quoted but obscurely referenced through Bucky and Tony’s war conversations + Bucky’s conversations with his therapist. This is also WWI poetry, though far darker than Brooke’s work. It discusses the parts of the heart and soul soldiers lose. It is an extremely good piece AND references Dante’s Inferno. I had to work it in somewhere even if I didn’t want to directly quote it. Meyer and Brysac: Tournament of Shadows Referenced several times over in discussion of war, the great game, and British military history. Beautifully self-aware account of Britain’s insistence on rewriting history after the fact and the tiny hilariously embarrassing moving pieces that shaped what is often considered the heyday of espionage. Murakami: Kafka on the Shore I love Murakami’s response to questions about understanding the novel as a whole. There are no solutions, only riddles presented, and through their interaction the possibility of a solution takes place. It’s a great lens through which to view the book and individual passages taken out of it. Reminds me of The Wasteland having to be read in totality before you can begin picking it apart, after which each individual piece can be read of its own. Kafka on the Shore, with its musings on the uncertainty of fate and redemption, was the perfect book to outline Tony’s horrifying realization, which he is desperately suppressing, that he might be coming to accept Bucky’s feelings. This quote in particular, while I would’ve used it anyway, is also a great callback to the first chapter and its storms. Chapter 29 is a turning point. Beyond it there are some intentional quote contrasts that are probably more easter eggs than they are anything else. Yeats: A Dialogue of Self and Soul Great contrast with Vacillation. Some parts of self and soul are used in that poem and thematically they are connected and contrasted - self and heart vs self and soul. The symbolism and imagery in Vacillation is really on point and layered, but Self and Soul is peak Yeats for its reversal of the typical ‘the soul is pure and bluntly honest and the body is tainted and bad’ in Christian works. Also Self and Soul’s broader context is scrumptious considering the debate poems history of relying on divine forgiveness and lack thereof instead of on forgiveness of the self. 

It was fun to give this poem a double meaning in IM as both hugely ominous and ultimately pointing to the later forgiveness Tony receives from himself through the divine (if the soul stone can be called that) in the heavens (space!). There’s also another fun twist to ‘who can distinguish darkness from the soul’ in its contrast with ‘what is dark within me, illuminate’. To take that a step further, Vacillation was the beginning of the path of forgiveness for Bucky (understanding Tony’s heart…somewhat literally as he slowly gets closer and closer to the reactor itself), while Self and Soul is a final step (re: Bucky being presented the final hurdle of Tony deciding to move forward alone). Hermann Hesse: Siddhartha Hesse is wonderfully blunt at times. I gotta admit I love German takes on spiritual self-discovery because they always seem to tend towards much more straightforward answers than other countries. Hesse’s relationship with Buddhism in literature vs his lived experience is also really intriguing. Anyway, Siddhartha, in its humanizing of Gods, is wonderful contrast to the consistent imagery of the untouchable and unknowable forces of good and evil in previously quoted works. It has stopped bringing humanity to the divine and has started placing the divine within humanity. Emily Wilson’s translation of the Odyssey One of the ultimate poetic epics. Now that we are nearing the end, I’m going overtime with making the grander themes of this whole piece hit home. A lot of IM was built on a foundation of poetic epics, of heroism, and a bit of Greek tragedy. The Odyssey embodies all of those things beautifully. It also suited Thor too well to pass up. Yeats: An Irish Airman Forsees His Death Ah, Yeats. Very blatant foreshadowing here that is keeping with the foreshadowing from Self and Soul. Fate has, up till this point, been a bit of a question. It has been ‘when will it come to me’ and ‘how will I avoid or overcome it’. Now fate is a set point. It is knowable and present. ‘I know I shall meet my fate, somewhere among the clouds above’. This goes for the true onset of Infinity War and for Tony’s feelings towards Bucky – when he had no one, he allowed Bucky in after essentially promising himself he wouldn’t. If that’s not an accidental admittance of love, nothing is. Henley: Invictus Absolutely fantastic poem. Continuing with the heavy fate themes coming into this climax. Now that Tony knows his fate, truly knows it, he is choosing to take it on directly. Agamemnon (Anne Carson’s Traslation if you prefer a more modern language approach, Lattimore is you prefer a classic) Agamemnon is forgotten all too often in the world of poetic epics and it’s a damn shame. I cannot say enough good things about it. I always wanted to use lines from Agamemnon in a Tony fic because the Cassandra parallels were too perfect to resist. The chorus in this play was also a perfect narrative device for interacting with something of a hive mind. Yeats: The Wanderings of Oisin Another poetic epic. Nice contrast with The Odyssey, The Death of King Arthur, and Agamemnon. Here the dialogue is between an aged hero and a saint looking into the hero’s past. It has the kind of reflective and aged mood necessary for this stage of the story, but is actually a poem I sortof hate. The line ‘And a softness came from the starlight, and filled me full to the bone’ is absolutely gorgeous, though. Some final inspiration pieces:

The Penelopiad 

The Iliad 

House of Leaves (for surrealism in the final chapters) 

Dante at Verona (used in an author’s note as an intentional jab at the dull uninspired nature of the this particular take on Dante. Repurposed quote, essentially) 

a broke machine just blowin’ steam by themikeymonster (great character study of Bucky) 

Frank Kermode’s essay “Eliot and the Shudder” (inspiration behind Tony’s entire interaction with literature)

[hellzyeahwebwielingessays]

The Not-So-Amazing Mary Jane Part 19: MJ is NOT a super hero

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Mary Jane is an incredibly gifted woman who you don’t want to mess with. But do those gifts really make her a hero, one who could take on Mysterio?

I was initially planning on looking at Mary Jane’s combat record in this post. However, before doing that there needs to be a dash more context to really put things into perspective.

I could simply cite Sen v2 #32 to prove my point. In this issue the Parker family are on the run since Peter unmasked and opposed the Super Human Registration Act. At her wits end MJ contacted Sue Richards for guidance.

During their conversation MJ opens up about how stressed she is. She even refers to Sue and other heroes as ‘you people’, clearly demarking a difference between them and herself.

Sue basically tells MJ to toughen up, referencing herself, Jessica Jones and Storm, the (then) wives of Reed Richards, Luke Cage and Black Panther respectively.

However, at the end of the conversation MJ points out the difference between herself those women was that she didn’t have powers to fall back on.

There you are. MJ herself acknowledging she has no powers and is not a super hero.

End of discussion.

Well no, because we can dive much deeper.

Let me start with this irrefutable statement: Mary Jane is a bad ass.

She truly is.

Mentally, emotionally, physically, she’s pulled off some truly impressive things.

But the thing is those things she’s pulled off…they wouldn’t be that impressive (if at all) if say, Wonder Woman did them. Or She Hulk. Or Mockingbird. Or Batgirl/Barbra Gordon. Or you know…Spider-Man himself.

So why do fans gravitate towards these things, these feats of heroism, self-defence and protection of others?

Because they are impressive considering Mary Jane is NOT a super hero.

You see it’s all a matter of scale.

The Chameleon is a trained and experienced mercenary but doesn’t possess any super human powers beyond the ability to change how he looks. In what has become one of her most iconic moments, Mary Jane defeated him with a mere baseball bat. This occurred when she knew what to expect, when Chameleon was underestimating her and when he was unarmed. That is  impressive no doubt.

But were the situation the same but Batgirl was substituted for Mary Jane it wouldn’t nearly be as impressive because Batgirl, even with just a baseball bat, is at worst on a similar power level as the Chameleon. But in all seriousness is almost certainly his superior in terms of combat proficiency. She’s thoroughly trained in various forms of hand-to-hand combat, strategy, thinking on the back foot and highly experienced.

And experienced against people who’re actually much more physically dangerous than the Chameleon, such as Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy or the Joker. When you remove Chameleon’s stealth and weapons you are left with someone who is highly violent and could kill the average civilian if given the chance…but ultimately not someone as dangerous as most of the famous super villains from Marvel or DC.

If anything arming Batgirl with a baseball bat would be needlessly excessive, she could defeat Chameleon with just some punches or kicks.

Now apply that same scenario but substitute in Mockingbird, who can dent steel with her bare hands and has an accelerated healing factor and arguably superior fighting skills to Batgirl. Or how about She-Hulk, someone with vastly more strength, an even better healing factor and immensely more durability. And as Wonder Woman…she is literally a millennia old demi-goddess with divinely empowered durability, strength and speed, fast enough in fact to easily deflect bullets. *

If you were told any of these  women defeated the Chameleon with ‘just a baseball bat’ would you  be impressed? Would you feel that’s a huge accomplishment for any of them?

Of course not.

Because on even an incredibly rudimentary power scale common sense would clearly define for you that Chameleon wouldn’t be a physical threat to any of them.

Because they are actual super heroes wit either physically enhanced physiologies or advanced equipment or highly practiced expert level combat training.

The reason MJ dispatching the Chameleon has been celebrated for over 20 years is because none of that applies to her.

Let’s unpack exactly  what MJ does and doesn’t have in her arsenal.

Mary Jane lacks any bona fide super human abilities or advanced combat training.

She has experienced being targeted directly by criminals or being caught up in criminal encounters. But these are intermittent experiences resulting from either her association with people the criminals have a grudge against (typically Spider-Man) or plain bad luck. She does not regularly  in her day-to-day life deal with such things nor does she even deal with them on a weekly basis in her life. If she does they are likely the result of simply living in Marvel’s version of New York city, which thereby means most of her experiences are the same as the average resident of the city.

Apart from these intermittent experiences (and exempting her seeking help from others) the traits she possesses that might (in one capacity or another) be applicable in a dangerous situation are as follows:

She is a physically fit woman approximately aged between 24 and her mid-30s. But nowhere close to being Olympic athlete levels of fitness. 

Excerpt from ‘The Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe: Spider-Man 2004’

In terms of conventional/stereotypical beauty standards she is generally considered to be stunningly attractive. She is 5’8” and weighs in at 120 lbs. Her outward appearance then could potentially be used to make her would-be assailants underestimate her or even be dazzled by her beauty as a distraction

Mary Jane is not blind to the harsher realities of life and has developed proficient street smarts. But it’s not like she knows where to find stool pigeons and how to go about shaking them down for information, nor the inner workings of the criminal underworld.

She is a skilled actress particular practiced at adopting the façade of a seemingly carefree and simple party girl

She is at worst rather experienced when it comes to flirtation. Arguably we could extrapolate this into her being decent at general seduction but that’s debatable

She has good at improvising

She is exceptionally skilled in social interactions

She has a pretty decent ability to read people’s personalities, but is not a fully trained psychologist or any similar field that’d make her an expert at reading people very quickly and taking advantage of them as a result

She has certain basic self-defence skills gleamed from classes most people can attend

She has had at exactly one basic training session with Captain America, where the focus was more upon mental discipline and focus. The session never implied he taught her any practical self-defence moves and the session was geared more to instructing Peter  not Mary Jane.

She has demonstrated/developed certain basic and unrefined (albeit often proficient) self-defence skill. These primarily consist of using melee weapons (typically objects not actually designed for such a purpose, like baseball bats) and to a lesser extent firearms, and to an even lesser extent hand-to-hand attacks. Mary Jane for instance has never been shown to practice using a handgun, although she does know how. She can slug someone in the jaw, but she’s never been shown to have trained how to do that, you see what I am getting at.

Technically speaking she possesses a pair of bracelets that are modified web-shooters, along with a set of regular web-shooters. 

The former have a limited amount of web-fluid and are designed to stall a target, with the aim being for Mary Jane to surprise her assailant and buy time to escape, not engage in an outright fight. She has been shown to rarely carry either of these on her person though and there is no implication she has them in Amazing Mary Jane #1. Additionally since she is on set it would be unlikely that she’d be allowed to wear them as they wouldn’t be part of her on outfit for the movie.

Along with most of New York she has possessed identical powers to Spider-Man (in addition to organic based web-shooters) for less than 24 hours, during which time she displayed a proficiency in using them (due to bad writing, literally no one struggled to adjust to the use of Spider-Man’s powers). She has never possessed these powers again since, and this includes in AMJ.

On a handful of occasions she has piloted various different advanced armoured suits designed by Tony Stark. These have chiefly included his rudimentary MKII armour and the Iron Spider armour originally designed for Peter’s use. 

In both she demonstrated proficient defence skills. It is not clear how easy the armours are to use so whether MJ’s proficiency was due to a natural skill or due to the armour’s design is debatable. Regardless there is no indication she regularly has access to this technology and certainly not in AMJ.

MJ possesses incredibly strong willpower and understands the need for self-sacrifice, demonstrating in her time a willingness to give something of her self for the good of others. This could be important in regards to protecting other people.

As you can see MJ’s skillset is impressive for a civilian.

But some instances (like the Stark armours she’s donned) make the depths of her skills unclear. The most advanced equipment she has access to are her web-shooters but she is shown to only use or even carry them on occasion. In both cases she is not shown to have access to either in AMJ. Her other skills are things anyone in real life could hypothetically possess and in fact several other civilians in the Marvel universe either do possess or could possess.

What I'm saying is Mary Jane is, by any metric, a civilian.

A civilian who knows how to use a gun, has had cause to defend her self dozens of times and is very good at thinking on her feet. But a civilian nevertheless.

She has the spirit to cut it as a superhero but not without powers, training or access to advanced equipment like Iron Man’s armour. None of which she currently possesses or has access to in AMJ.

When you get right down to it the reason we fans celebrate whenever Mary Jane triumphs or survives or even just pulls off some good moves against a criminal or super villain is because we understand she is ultimately the underdog.

We grasp that it’s innately more impressive for someone in the featherweight division to even hold their own for a little while against someone in the heavyweight division because normally they wouldn’t stand a chance and we are naturally inclined to be sympathetic towards them.**

This isn’t exclusive to Mary Jane by any means, underdog stories date back to the Bible itself with the classic tale of David and Goliath.

To use an example closer to home though, in ASM #229-230 Spider-Man had to stop the Juggernaut, a villain whose strength and durability had given him a reputation as unstoppable. He regularly tangled with the Hulk and was over all far beyond Spider-Man’s weight class. The story is widely regarded as one of the all time best in Spider-Man history, primarily because  it is such a shining example of an underdog story.

Such stories are fairly common in super hero comic books, but so too is the popularity of civilian supporting characters that contend with outright super villains and criminals.

Alfred Pennyworth is utterly beloved within the Batman fandom with his attempts and successes at dealing with Batman’s infamous rogues celebrated. The same goes for Edwin Jarvis, sometimes celebrated as the bravest of all the Avengers. Jarvis’ popularity is such he was in fact the main character of the milestone 400th issue of the Avengers. And to use a closer equivalent to MJ, Lois Lane’s moments of skill, toughness and bravery in the face of danger are celebrated within Superman circles.

NONE of these characters are super heroes. Even Alfred, who (in most modern incarnations) has some military history, is still a more elderly gentleman thereby accentuating his vulnerability and making his victories all the larger.

With that out of the way, we now have the appropriate context to start examining some instances of MJ defending herself.

* And what about Spider-Man himself? Has he not tangled with Chameleon often? Is it not usually impressive whenever he defeats him? Indeed it is…but rarely whenever Spider-Man physically  over powers him. 

Because we readers are very aware that Spider-Man is physically stronger and faster than the Chameleon and his other powers give him yet more physical advantage over him. 

In fact a poignant Chameleon storyline entailed Chameleon (in disguise) tricking Spider-Man into removing  his powers and thereby rendering him vulnerable.

Even then, the Chameleon opted to hire muscle (mainly muscle with super powers) to take on Spider-Man rather than fight him personally.

Chameleon’s awareness of Spidey’s superior might is arguably the reason he recruited physically powerful Kraven the Hunter in ASM v1 #15 (Kraven’s debut and Chammy’s second outing). 

Spidey’s victories over Chameleon are impressive or cathartic not because Peter overpowers him physically, but does so mentally. This is in fact showcased in the very same storyline that Mary Jane famously took a bat to Chammy’s cranium; specifically Spec #243.

In this story, Chameleon (in the guise of Doctor Kafka) uses drugs and makeup to trick Spider-Man into believing he is someone else. However, drawing upon his will power and affection for his loved ones Peter breaks free of Chameleon’s trap.

**And I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that a part of that for at least some fans is the fact that Mary Jane is a woman doing such things, and a female love interest to boot.

Stereotypically women aren’t superheroes or action heroes, and stereotypically love interests are the ones in need of saving, not the ones saving themselves or others.

For some fans this appreciation of stereotypes being subverted can come from a bad place. “Mary Jane just beat a super villain even though she’s a chick!”

For others the appreciation can be viewed as empowering. To perhaps reveal a stereotypical view of my own, I imagine female readers would constitute the majority of this category, although in theory anyone who feels like an underdog or perhaps vulnerable could resonant with MJ’s victories.

Finally there are definitely some readers who appreciate these examples because they are just plain refreshing.

And of course some people might just like Mary Jane in general so seeing her shine in some capacity could do it for them.

Previous Part

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Master Post

[ja-khajay]

Thoughts on the new Khajiit lore books and their take on Khajiit religion

After discussions with the Beyond Skyrim team and also my friends, and seeing @fadomay‘s posts on the matter, I’ve decided to post my own opinion on the new khajiit lore books leaked from the ESO Pellitine expansion! 

Transcribed from a conversation I had with Aqo @madamefirilanyaofficial on Discord. With a few editing and annotations to what books we were referencing!

TL:DR I Do Not Like Them. They oversimplified Khajiit religion like Bethesda did to the Nordic pantheon in Skyrim, and removed some aspects I found made Khajiit stand out as a well written, unique fictional belief system, that worked perfectly for its setting.

Aqo : have you seen the leaked eso lore ?

J : I've seen some books about khajiit dieties but they're uh......Not good

in what ways?it feels like its written by an avid azura fan asdfgh

Have you read clan mother ahnissi*

that book lists khajiit dieties in a very distinctive writing style that's associated with khajiit

Well the leaks I read surf on that book but badly written the what's new is they added imperial dieties to the list by just giving them names with slightly different sonorities

yea i noticd that

Boethra is the best example. Before eso I hadn't seen and khajiit mention of Boethiah - but her sphere is "violent overthrow of order" and khajiit don't need that they're already an extremely chaotic aligned people

and they realy focus on boethiah and  mephala, like the dunmer

Instead of having a smaller pantheon + a few original gods (ban daar, rahjin, the Ja'Kha'jay) they just went "lol it's just like the imperial pantheon but with funny names right???" just like what Skyrim did to nord religion.

Before skyrim nords also had a smaller pantheon with gods that were born from the same concept as a few imperial ones, but with different names and associations, and skyrim just steamrolled that

it feels like they did take existing pantheons and just khajiitized them

It makes sense to have different cultures take from each other, khajiit live right next to imperials and we already have proof of them adopting a foreign god with Yffer

who now is like evil?

That's not how it works. Khajiit have their own drastically different roles for each diety. I don't like seeing TES dieties as one entity named [add imperial name since that's obviously the default now] that each culture that's not imperial sees under a warped light. That's ridiculous

Khajiit religion was good BECAUSE it did wild stuff with established concepts, and was written before oblivion when religious texts were still kind of out there. It showed radically different associations : Namiira being evil, Padomai being good off the top of my head

I like to think gods in TES are more like concepts, made out of what people believe. See almsivi - they are powerful, but a character like Fyr** is as powerful as them, the difference is their believers....yes the daedra have personalities but that doesn't mean they should be exactly the same, each culture interacts with their sphere differently. Hell khajiit don't even make a difference between d.aedra, and I can't wait for ESO to cut that out too

What sucks is the imperials are well, an empire, and you could legitimately make a whole deal out of their vision of the world spreading into the provinces they've conquered. It happened with the Romans (see Bath), it happened when the Hittites invaded Mesopotamia, it's a legit dynamic and could be fascinating to explore but writers don't think that far it seems

its like the khajiit just took the imperials religion without a fight but thats not how khajiit work azertjvklthe whole y'ffre/nirn/ hircine dymanics seems.... kinda weird?

wow it would be so cool if we had a canonical proof of khajiit and imperial feuds over invasions like some kind of faction or something what if we wrote a manifesto of a faction against the empire like radical pro Elsweyr fighters could you imagine oh wait***

"Sangiin. Blood God of the Second Litter. Sangiin is not an evil spirit by nature, but Khajiit must know that all things within his sphere turn True Cats from the Path. These are the urges of blood and pleasure without purpose. To fall to Sangiin is not to give in to the Dark, but to give in to the flesh. He tries to tempt Khajiit into making their flesh immortal, and this is a prison to all spirits of the ja-Kha'jay. Sangiin is therefore a spirit that will test you on the Path and must be overcome. The secret to defeating him is to ignore him, and this we learned from Mafala, who said: Lust for nothing but Truth." the khajiit become catholic

this is so stupid khajiit are notoriously horny and open minded bro. khajiit wouldn't see sex as bad

yeah like

i just hope there will be some context for the books. people have pointed out that its verry dunmeri and even has names only dunmer use. like some propaganda  by dunmer or something

I hope it'll be dunmer propaganda, that'd make a whole lot of sense actually holy fuck?? Like the daedric corners being all added, Sheggorath's association with Skooma (a dunmer drug which is a plague to khajiit) removed, plus the dunmer have used khajiit as slaves forever, it could be part of a really fucked up plan to grab a piece of Elsweyr

yeah in that case it works like the added importance on mephala and boethiah.

Annotations :

* Words of Clan Mother Ahnissi

** Divayth Fyr

*** Ahzirr Traajijazeri

[millennialzadr]

About Page!

Hello~! Thank you so much for visiting my blog! My name is Koya, I’m 25, I’m pansexual, my pronouns are she/her, and I’m a full time freelance artist! My main blog is @koyakyuuun, so I’ll be liking and following from there!

Below are some guidelines for those who are curious to know more about this blog and what to expect from it, as well as some general info and FAQs!

Content Guidelines!

The focus of this blog!

So this blog is a mish mash of a couple different themes, but above all it is an adult oriented Invader Zim fan blog!! I grew up with the show and and was a BIG fan during highschool, and after rediscovering it this year I have been DAZZLED and DELIGHTED by the fan content being produced today!! I have a deeply nostalgic yet completely new perspective on the show now that I’m in my 20s, so alongside of celebrating iz content and fan content in general, this blog will center around my niche fave: the iz cast + millennial culture! in other words, the characters depicted as if they lived in the real world and aged in real time! I loved and related to the characters as a kid, and I still love them dearly to this day, so to see people experiment with character interpretations and create adult versions of them means I can still relate to them even now, and even make my own versions! and as a queer neurodivergent millennial who loves niche culture, my favorite versions of the characters are queer neurodivergent millennials who love niche culture!! (and by niche culture I mean MEMES, AESTHETICS, BAD FASHION, GAY CULTURE, CRYPTID CULTURE, DARK CORNERS OF THE INTERNET, CREATIVELY WEIRD SELF EXPRESSION ETC!!)

And of course the other main theme which fits into the first: ZADR! while I don’t ship Zim and Dib as they’re canonically presented in the show, I DO adore the idea of the two growing up together, eventually becoming friends, and eventually falling in love. I’m a Big Gay and I love romance and lgbt content, and ZADR holds such a soft place in my heart 😭 I wrote a big post about why I love it so much which you can see here if you’re curious about my interpretation of the ship!

And now, some guidelines!!

Things I enjoy and will be posting/reblogging!

- general IZ content! because holy SHIT I love the show and ALL the content the fandom creates is awe inspiring and amazing!!!

- millennial culture/humor! I FUCKING LOVE IZ + 2019 POP CULTURE REFERENCES AND MEME CONTENT OKAY

- POSITIVE CONTENT! IZ is my comfort content and I deeply admire the positive impact the show has had on so many people. I also interpret Zim and Dib as having hard lives and mental problems but eventually recovering and finding happiness (and making each other happy!!). I do also love vent content and gritty/dark themes from an artistic standpoint (and of course comedic Depression™ memes) but I will be focusing much more on comforting and uplifting content!

- character development/relationships, fluff, comedy, domestic content, daily life, sci fi, conspiracy/cryptid content, fashion portraits and camp horror!! these are my favorite themes!!

- friendship, romance, and found family!! I adore the relationships between the characters and they ALL DESERVE LOVE!!!!! JHONEN CAN BITE MY ASS

- the IZ creators!! speaking of Jhonen LOL I LOVE seeing content about the creators themselves!! I genuinely have such affection and admiration for the wonderful people who brought and continue to bring the world of IZ to life, they are such amazing and inspiring human beings and I will be celebrating them alongside their creations!!

- IZ characters + aesthetics!! some of my MOST favorite IZ content depicts the characters being stylized with or sporting the fashion of vaporwave, goth, grunge, pastel, spacecore, cryptidcore, future funk, 90s disastercore and any and all things strange, niche, glittery and neon, and I FUCKING LOVE IT. GOD

- and lastly, I talk a fuck of a lot, as you can probably tell by this post lol. I’ll be screaming in the tags constantly and am liable to write the occasional super long text post! for those who are into that, I invite you to have discussions with me! and for those who aren’t, feel free to ignore them!

Things I will be staying away from!

- romantic content that depicts the characters as minors AKA underage zadr!! there will be no kid ships here! I’m an adult and only enjoy shipping adult versions of the characters! kid content will be either canon, wholesome, or friendship content! while I do find adult versions of the characters attractive since they have qualities I find attractive in real life, I see the adult versions as almost completely different people since they’re so far removed from the source content, and the love I feel for the canon kids is HIGHLY maternal and very nostalgia centric. this would probably be more clear if I didn’t lump the two types of content into the same blog, but I really do love both the adult fan interpreted IZ world and the canon IZ world in equal measure, just in different ways!

- content that fetishizes or ‘yaoi’-fies gay relationships! I am a queer person and I enjoy queer content made by queer people for queer people, you’re not gonna find any “B-BUT WE’RE BOTH BOYS!” shit here 😂

- content that depicts abuse between friends or partners!! while violence is an active theme in zim and dib’s canonical relationship, I very much dislike zadr content that depicts the two being aggressive or malicious towards each other while they’re supposedly in love. complex relationships are certainly interesting, but while toxic and abusive relationships are realistic, they’re not okay and should not be romanticized. I understand some people use that kind of content to cope, but for me it’s nothing but bad feelings. sparring and play fighting is fine and good, consensual violence could be interesting to explore, but hatred will stay separate from romance on this blog.

- discourse and long conversations about negative topics! I acknowledge the importance of discussing problems within the fandom, however I wish for this blog to be a positive and comforting place, since iz content in general is positive and comforting for me! there may be an occasional post that touches on real life negative topics but overall this will be kept to a minimum.

- explicit content!! while I DO both draw and consume nsfw adult zadr content, it will not be on this blog! since tumblr decided to be idiots and remove any way for minors and people who don’t wish to see nsfw content to hide it, this blog will remain pg-13. I will also not be providing any links to my other sites because of this (I am a nsfw artist and I sell porn commissions for a living, not trying to shove that in the faces of my minor, ace and sex repulsed followers, but by all means seek out my art if you DO wish to!). similarly, I will not be releasing my nsfw zadr art publicly anywhere, since aged up characters are controversial and my career, being online, could suffer if someone wanted to use that against me. HOWEVER, for fellow adult fans with extra cash who take a shine to my art, paid content could be a possibility in the future 👀

Interaction Guidelines!

Things I’m okay with!

- tagging my posts in any way you wish! kinning is fine! any ship interpretation is fine! any gender/orientation interpretation is fine! sharing your thoughts/opinions is fine!

- as long as you CREDIT me! using my art for icons/headers etc, drawing my iz designs, referencing my art, and reposting my art on other sites is all okay!

- asks or anons of any questions you might have about me or my content!

- asks or anons popping in to share thoughts, opinions and ideas! it’s always nice to hear from other fans!

- leaving comments in the tags/replies/reblogs of my posts makes me very happy!! tumblr is the only place I post my fanart and I love seeing what people think of it!

Things I’m not okay with!

- messages, reblogs, tags or asks that are blatantly rude or disrespectful! I really do not care what the subject or reason is, if you act like an asshole, I will not respond and will block you!

- asks or messages that say only ‘hi’ or ‘how are you?’ I have no problem with people trying to be friendly but I never have a single idea of how to reply to these kinds of messages, I’m so sorry 😂 please talk to me about fandom stuff though!!

- pressure to produce content! I like any other creator adore comments and compliments, but things like “DRAW MORE!!” “MORE ZADR!!” “WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO DRAW MORE!!” are not compliments!! it is in fact very off putting so please don’t do that! it will mess with my motivation! consider commissioning me if you want more content!

- if you are considering trying to be my friend, please be 20+!! I am not comfortable being friends with teens! nothing against my teen followers, I respect and appreciate you, but please understand I cannot relate to you on a personal level, and besides that, being friends with someone over 20 can be harmful and even dangerous for minors! I am an adult and only wish to have adult friends! please respect my wishes!

About my content!

So since what I like to draw is usually pretty different from the show, here are the basic headcanons for my interpretations of adult Zim and Dib~! Basically they’re queer 2019 millennials who are damaged but doing their best and enjoy niche interests and subcultures. Zim is the type who’s tough to handle but it’s worth it because he’s an amazing and colorful person underneath it all and only those he’s close to get to see that, and Dib is an eccentric but completely reliable, intelligent, passionate, and loyal friend whose company is a familiar comfort and a total safe space. They live together and are mutually beneficial allies to friends to lovers!

I HAVE A FIC, or at least an idea for one lol and when using my designs for the characters, my drawings will most likely be set in its context! Affectionately nicknamed the Soft AU, it’s centered around rest, recovery, affection, care and bonding… bc I’m SOFT OKAY 😂 You can read the full summary here, but here’s the gist!

A little over a decade after arriving on earth, Zim’s banishment is reinstated and as a result his entire base and all his equipment is confiscated, leaving him stranded on Earth with no way off the planet and in danger of being caught and killed by the humans. Dib offers him a deal that he’ll hide Zim instead of turning him in in exchange for letting him study Zim. They live together in Dib’s apartment and eventually get used to each other. Loneliness induced affection ensues. Hooray!!

And now for the boys themselves!

My Dib!

- 25, 6′2″, Mexican, cis boy, bisexual, bilingual

- is recovering from depression and anxiety and has ADD and insomnia, has had a nicotine addiction

- has a ton of ear piercings and a few facial piercings, as well as a few tattoos

- is still just as obsessive about his interests as he was as a kid, just with more curbed enthusiasm due to, yknow, depression. researching Zim however brings his enthusiasm back full force. he still sucks at taking care of himself when enthralled with his work but he’s getting there

- runs various blogs, forums, and youtube channels making content about cryptids and conspiracy theories, the ad revenue of which is his main source of income (he dislikes using his father’s money to support himself, but will dip into the family account occasionally)

- is very patient and can communicate and problem solve very well, and is skilled at handling various conflicts and mental issues

- still has his ‘I hate people’ attitude but is more open minded and understanding than he used to be, and more compassionate. he has difficulty trusting strangers but his friends and family are very important to him

- can be moody and dramatic but he’s a big sweetheart at his core

- being friends with Zim has made him more willing to enjoy acting like a huge dork and total weirdo, even in public

My Zim!

- young adult, 5′5″, androgynous presenting demi boy, panromantic demisexual

- has PTSD and anxiety, is recovering with help from Dib

- displays inhuman behavior such as hissing, growling, chirring, chirping, scratching/biting, screeching, territory guarding and dominance displays

- is a demi boy, meaning he identifies as mostly but not completely male, and is more nonbinary than cis, but he’s never given it too much thought because gender is stupid. he has little to no concept and zero regard for human gender roles

- is a SHIT who’s main entertainment is annoying Dib and ‘winning’ arguments, but Dib seems to get harder to piss off as time goes on, much to his confusion

- pitches a fit when he doesn’t agree with/doesn’t want to do something but can be swayed with rewards such as food, sweets, new clothes, video games etc

- rambunctious and high energy, he gets stir crazy often, but since he hates the city he and Dib often take car trips to more fun/nicer places outside the neighborhood

- moody and bratty with skewed logic but smart and more intuitive than he used to be, he’s more than a handful to deal with, but this also makes him the most entertaining person Dib knows

- after having the free time to discover the world of aesthetics, he becomes very much into clothes, make up, accessories etc (be they masculine or feminine) and enjoys making a hobby out of creating a unique self image using fashion (thus also subconsciously asserting his individuality)

- is much more dependent on Dib than he admits (or even realizes)

- his beliefs in nationalism, fascism and genocide are direct results of brainwashing and personality altering programs run by his PAK, and are not actually part of his core personality (these programs will be overridden and deleted eventually)

Side Note: I haven’t thought as far with the other characters but my Gaz and Tak are definitely lesbians 😂

And finally, my tag list!

#my art - things that I drew!

#my post - any post that I posted!

#asks - asks!

#text post - any text post longer than a couple lines!

#video - videos!

#audio - audios!

#canon - content from the show/comic/movie etc!

#creators - any content featuring the IZ cast or crew!

#memes - memes, shitposts, short comics, comedic posts etc!

#friends - friendship art between any characters!

#family - family bonding between the membranes/found family between any characters!

#ships - ship art between adult characters!

#suggestive - any content that could be considered sexual in nature!

#positive - fluff, friendship, wholesome content, uplifting content, characters being happy/cute/having fun etc!

#negative - angst, vent art, violence, mental illness, dark themes, characters fighting/being sad/getting hurt etc!

#kids - content depicting characters as kids/irkens as their canon designs!

#adults - content depicting characters as adults/irkens with noncanon designs!

#millennials - content depicting adult characters that includes any modern culture! (personal fave)

#aesthetic - highly stylized or surreal portraits centered around aesthetic themes!

ship tags!: zadr (zim and dib romance), tagr (tak and gaz romance), rapr (red and purple romance)

friendship tags!: zadf (zim and dib friendship), tagf (tak and gaz friendship), zatf (zim and tak friendship), tadf (tak and dib friendship), zagf (zim and gaz friendship), zag (zim and gir)

character tags!: zim, dib, gaz, tak, gir, red, purple, membrane, skoodge, gretchen, keef, spork, miyuki, recap kid, bg chars, ocs

[deveharrington]

[17 new theories, Part 1/4] Part 1: The Fear Cycle. What these workout videos from Hell🔥 might be telling us: For David, Fitness Culture™ is not about health, but what it means in terms of proving something to himself (youth, capability, money, image etc.). Also analyzing his poor workout form: not what it is, but why? ALSO, considering the “relationship” non-romantically, and (thank you, anon!) is M*nique/Cool Girl™ scamming David with Fitness Culture™??!!

Ohh David baby, what the hell are you trying to show us right now? LMFAO??

Bruce Lee: Don’t think, FEEEEEEL! = David’s fave Bruce Lee quote, probably. 

To anons, thank you so much! I tried to incorporate all of your asks in these discussions. Some of them will be posted and/or referenced in future parts.)

Overarching Theory: Everything and Nothing (will be explored in 4 separate discussions)

My dream theory: David did not grieve nor heal properly after the trauma of Gillovny ending/having a chance with Gillian and failing, again (feel free to completely ignore this very sappy theory if you wish to, lmao). 

Theory that is probably closer to reality: He jumped straight into a fantasy to alleviate himself from some undefined trauma or, I can still see some sense in my earlier claim that he is just bored out of his mind. What we are seeing right now is his fantasy, still prolonged. And the fantasy right now is: Fitness Fakery™. Biggest theory (for now): he is being scammed with Fitness Culture™️, and this trap might more dangerous than, or the main hook of, the “relationship”.

Parts to explore:

Part 1: The Fear Cycle (David radiates fear, and scammers are drawn to it. David is keeping things light and controlled right now, matching his Cool Boy™️ self with a Cool Girl™️. But, just like Cool Girl™️/Boy™️, deep down within himself, David is something else: scared? fake? nothing? let’s explore)

+ Maybe he uses fear to manipulate others the same way others use fear to manipulate him. And the idea that he manipulates HIMSELF with fear. 

Part 2: Identity Crisis (His artistic image > his art, Examining his art and the way he expresses himself with very broad strokes, never getting too personal. David wants very badly to be something he is not). 

+ David’s actions right now might be an attempt to see a reflection of himself because he has lost sight of who he is. OR he is trying to build himself up because he feels inadequate. 

I think in a lot of cases, his desire and ambition trump his actual skills, but he is still able to get what he wants through coercion, money, business, etc. However, at the end of the process, he is still left feeling unsatisfied. 

Part 3: Pain and Pleasure (David has confused the two. For David, pain = pleasure = pain) ** elaborated below (under the header “Everything and Nothing”)

Part 4: “You didn’t love me enough” (Based on an excellent submission from an anon) 

“You didn’t love me enough” = “So, I will act out and see who WILL love me as much as I need to be loved! Oh wait, I have nothing to offer but my money. Guess I can only attract SCAMMERS! Eh, bought love is still love for me, beggars can’t be choosers.”

+ Maybe David just doesn’t want to be a burden, I think he definitely does not like to ask for help (example: maybe this is why therapy was not the most effective treatment method for him). So:

** 🚨 Could it be that his actions right now are a cry for help (in his way), but what he wants is to see who, of those close to him, TRULY CARES? 🚨 ** I think he would accept help as long as those who are helping him are helping him of their own VOLITION. So, maybe he is trying to bait people but I think he is also so lost in his own mind and fantasies that he cannot process how awful he is coming across right now. Awful as in, it all really is a cry for help, and not just the "fitness” videos from Hell, but all of his other expressions and actions as well. 

General Table of Contents:

Everything and Nothing

The Fear Cycle

Latest conclusions. (Biggest conclusion: he is currently pushing “how far he can go” because he has lost sight of himself.)

What does his poor form in his workouts tell us? (a lot!!)

Biggest theory: he is being scammed with Fitness Culture™️, and this trap might more dangerous than, or the main hook of, the “relationship”.

David is being fake (lead-in for future discussion on his identity crisis)

If Cool Girl™ is meant to be a reflection of his ego, does this make David a Cool Boy™? My answer: yes. 

Is he literally so LOST and EMPTY within himself, that he would need to find fulfillment THROUGH THESE MEANS?? 

Overarching Theory: Everything and Nothing

David wants everything both ways. (I will also relate this to the workout videos from Hell, just keep this idea in mind going forward). 

I think David wants to believe in too much meaning, building things up like a fantasy in his head, to justify the bullshit of his situations.

And, in turn, he removes the meaning from situations that are actually important (potential examples: why he’s always beating around the bush with Gillovny, can’t give a straight answer, and can’t commit, OR, looking at the other side of the coin, maybe they just wanted to keep things private). I think he removes meaning when he doesn’t want to deal with any situation that brings him discomfort, makes him challenge himself, or makes him evolve.

These two mental and emotional processes of adding and subtracting meaning go hand in hand. Perhaps what he wants is to pick and choose what he will address in life, when he will address it, with who, and how. And it is always in service of his needs over anyone else’s. Everyone knows this is not how reality works but it is how he has shaped his own reality. In sum, he lives in a fantasy.

Him telling us to “Be Here Now” is bullshit. Unless he is talking about his book signings, “concerts”, autograph sessions, etc. Notice that all these events have something in common? They are set up as communal events that ask you to come and see David in a context that is always like a temple of worship. Come, look at him, listen to him too, but don’t you dare ask any questions because he will always have the last word: "it all means nothing~~!”

He also confuses his work with his rest.

He confuses his passion with his burden.

He confuses productivity with wasting time.

In relation to this situation of the excessive exercise, for example, it could be seen as a conflation of work/rest, pain/pleasure, passion/burden. He has no notion of balance or boundaries because the two sides of his judgment scale are not defined.

And he deliberately leaves his judgment undefined

What is right and what is wrong? He doesn’t know, and doesn’t care. He’ll say that he lets anyone come up with their own mind but he will never join the conversation and try to contribute or change his perspective because he doesn’t give a sh*t about anyone but himself.

What is real and what is fake with David? I don’t know and he probably does not know himself.

I think he also has not realized that he is constantly walking in fear. He has confused his fear with safety, freedom, fantasy.

In the future, I will explore a batch of theories that discuss how he has, in the same way, confused his own notions of pain and pleasure, prolonging his pain because it brings him pleasure (attention, pity, he is bored - really!, it makes him interesting/edgy/cool/“that guy who’s been through things”) and mourning his pleasure because he also sees it as pain (it is like he is drawn to destructive pleasure, but then cannot handle the consequences so conflates pleasure with pain automatically… more on this later).

I also think that, when he is left feeling dissatisfied, he switches the definition of either pain or pleasure in his head in order to SATISFY HIMSELF.  In sum, he lives in a complete fantasy. 

And maybe he wants to be paired with someone who is as confused and suppressed as he is. Cool Girl™ confuses attention with accomplishment, obedience with love, compliance with partnership, suppression/reflection with identity etc.

Keep this in mind going forward. Even in the most literal sense of, the physical “pain” of exercising, the “pleasure” of feeling accomplished, etc

+ To this anon:

Please know that you have contributed to these theories as much as I have. The only difference between our expressions is that I said my piece in the most convoluted and wordy manner possible. 

I had created the ideas of these new theories before I received your message, but your input turned so many ideas on their heads!  

You lit a fire in my brain!!! And for that I thank you.

The rest of my answer to you anon, some more conclusions, the main questions of this post, being fair to David in response to the mean spirited comments about the workout videos from Hell, and Table of Contents are all under the cut. Thanks so much to anyone who reads this!

Response to anon continued: 

Gerascophobia (perfect word for this situation), absolutely. And I will actually explore how David’s refusal to accept his age is actually becoming physically dangerous for him. I think it is also contributing to a possible identity crisis that he may be experiencing right now (I will explore this more in Part 2).

Thanatophobia, of course! I think David having 5 daily reminders on his phone that he will one day die (his own admission of one thing he uses his phone for)  is actually doing a disservice to him. What I don’t like about the “we only have one life” thinking is that it makes you act recklessly. Add to this the fact that this attitude is not ideal for someone who already refuses to have a foundation of meaning and thought for his actions. Life does not last forever but it is not a rat race either. Life must consist of work and rest, silence and noise. Essentially, balance. 

💣  [THEORY 64] David radiates fear, and scammers are drawn to it. Scammers validate and perpetuate David’s fears in order to prolong their scamming, A.K.A. The Fear Cycle. 

And now, considering all of this fear that is bubbling beneath David’s calm, cool, spirit seems to be away from the body surface, let’s go ahead and quote a favorite artist of mine, Jenny Holzer’s, Inflammatory mantra on fear and manipulation: 

FEAR FEEDS ON FEAR. 

#BradNewYorkHobo #CoolGirlisHotCoolGirlisGameCoolGirlNeverGetsAngryatHerMan #Brick1stClassDoggie

all live by this: 

David walks forward, but is constantly looking over his shoulder. His scammers are as well. This situation would be hilarious if it weren’t so desperately pathetic. 

I want to try to simplify what I see as David’s fear cycle: 

1. Because he does not involve himself in the real world or does research to educate himself, he is afraid of it. 

2. He radiates fear (really) and the scammers are drawn to it. 

2. Try not to take this point too harshly, but coming from these previous steps, I think its fair to conclude that David gets what he wants by imposing fear on others or uses fear as an emotional manipulation tactic. But he does not mean any harm. I say this mainly because what is within is expressed on the surface. Also, what is learned becomes your behavior. 

He was once described as intimidating. What if he uses his “laid-back all-knowing sage” posturing as a way to do this? He intimidates others with his education, his apathy/lack of vulnerability, his smugness? 

3. He lives in fear. He walks but is constantly looking over his shoulder. 

4. Living in fear only further proves his own beliefs. 

Thanks so much again, anon. And thank you especially for the first part of your ask! I won’t give up. We can’t give up!!!

Disclaimer

OK, lots of blah blah blah here so I tried to shorten this by bolding what’s important. I’ve also tried to label what I feel is very important with asterisks or emojis, lmao. There just is a lot of foundation to lay in order to see how all the pieces connect as a bigger whole.

🌟= important! lmao

🚨 = important within important!!

Latest conclusions:

- 🌟 David is not obsessed with or solely working for money. I think he is obsessed with wanting to push the bounds of “how far he can go”. ex: acting like a brat at cons while still getting paid, or proposing the most ambitious projects. This gym behaviour might be another manifestation, and if it is, it represents the discrepancy between what is going on in his head and what is going on in reality.

- 🌟🚨 ** I state that he wants to see “how far he can go” because he has lost sight of himself. He does not know who he is right now. (Did he ever imagine he would have a “relationship” [even considering it non-romantically] like this? Does he even associate it with his true self or who he wants to be?).

+ I still think his unpredictable career plays a role in the way he sees himself. 

[Could an identity crisis be involved:]

- 🌟 When was the last time David did something on his own? From his own heart and by his own hands? When was the last time he expressed himself truly and fully?

- 🌟 When was the last time David spent time ALONE? I think the solution for him would be to take time away for himself right now.

[On the scamming:]

- 🌟 Ok, I’m sorry. I previously went in on David saying he is faking his innocence and humility, but what if he is actually a VERY innocent and genuinely nice guy? And this is why he keeps getting scammed? GOD if this is the case then i’m really sorry, David, for what I said, really!

- 🌟 🚨 If M*nique were being a GOOD gym buddy, she would have David’s health in her best interests. !!! The video evidence demonstrates otherwise, but i’ll still leave this thought open to being proven wrong for now.

- 🌟 AND My question then is this: For the amount of time D/M have spent together supposedly exercising, why is his form still so bad? And why does he still have chicken legs? (serious question, lmao) if he is doing the same routines as Monique? Fastest conclusion: he is not exercising properly, and nobody is not bothering to correct him??

- 🌟 I assert in these theories that the Fitness Fakery™ is more dangerous than the “relationship”. It is dangerous to his already vulnerable identity and of course dangerous for his health. 

- 🌟 But I will also explore the idea that maybe the “relationship” is NOT romantic, and David is just that weird - which is not out of the realm of extreme possibility. (or, I still stand by my stance that, if there were a  “romance”, it would exist only between David and himself).

From my perspective

I’ve been going to the gym regularly for years. I’ve had gym buddies and a personal trainer in the past and I’ve learned that there is a difference between the two. I don’t know if David himself has learned the difference between the two. A buddy is great for getting you motivated and feeling comfortable in the gym. But, for me anyways, a trainer (at the very beginning) was essential for getting my form on point and making me learn that the mental component is as as important as the physical component when it comes to working out efficiently.

So, this is coming from my personal experience of exercising and listening to my body: FORM IS EVERYTHING! Form is more important than the duration of your exercise, the intensity, and how many reps you do. 

So, just be warned that I will focus alot on his workout form. Those unfamiliar with exercising (or exercising properly) [sorry! I don’t mean to insult anyone] might feel like I am making a mountain out of a molehill. And ACTUALLY this discussion might be one of my most biased because it is coming from a personal place for me. 

Where i’m coming from: I learned eventually that your mentality was key in being consistent with using the gym. I, before anything else, had to perfect my gym form, ethic and integrity. I needed to create an idea in my mind of what the gym/Fitness Culture™ meant to me in order to give myself the highest likelihood of success. 

So I’m addressing WHY people use the gym in my take. 

🌟 In fairness, I don’t know anyone who habitually uses with the gym for YEARS purely for physical health. And I’m not referring to exceptions like people who want/need to lose weight, people working through injuries, physiotherapy etc.

*** 🌟 To commit ourselves, we all need to have some personal, psychological, emotional, mental and/or spiritual reasons we attach to it to give that level of dedication some meaning. ***

*** 🌟 BUT, following that thought, remember that David himself admitted that he doesn’t like to think too hard? Nor apply too much personal meaning to his actions? ***

To simplify what I am trying to say here:

1. Poor form = wasting time at the gym.

2. No thought behind actions at the gym = literally, wasting your time and energy at the gym. 

1 + 2 = 

 **** 🌟  💣  [THEORY 65] He is wasting his time but he WANTS to waste his time. He WANTS to fool himself with this Fitness Fakery™ because he has NOTHING else going on in his life yet he wants to project the image (to others and most importantly to himself) of “being his best self/living his best life”.

This is HIS end of the Fitness Fakery™ scam. I’ll say it again: it takes two to tango. 

And, again, the gym is probably some fantasyland for him. 

Consider also: typical Midlife Crisis Activities™ and how they afford you the illusion of “living your best life” (thank you to a user who brought this idea up to me).

Again, it comes back to being a mind game. I will try to address the question: What is David’s real reason for going to the gym? 

**** 🌟  💣  [THEORY 66] My conclusion for now: David has confused his body and identity with the positive association of Fitness Culture™ (and let’s keeping asking, “why?”). Because his view of this routine in his life of his is overwhelmingly positive and most likely seems overwhelmingly positive to those around him, 

*** he has not noticed that he has fallen into a hole of self-obsession. 

*** Also, his workouts could be potentially dangerous for his health. No ageism here, the human body is simply the human body. When we age, we must make adjustments to our fitness routines, that’s all. It might not even be the intensity, but again, the poor form that could be the biggest danger. 

*** In sum, David’s mind and body are not in sync. I’ve stated before that I believe his mind is overactive (not in critical, retrospective, reflective or deep thought, but in rationalizations and fantasies) and I think this mind of his is very much playing a role in this situation. 

The Good and The Questions

The Good: 

- Good for David for wanting to be in shape. But there is a difference between working out and overexerting yourself with a workout meant for someone much younger than you. Even when I train with people my age but at a different fitness level, I cannot always keep up with their routines. 

The solution: do it as intensely as you can while still maintaining your form. Do not push yourself to match what you see while compromising your form, because you are essentially wasting your time. 

- To be fair to David against the mean spirited comments: honestly, exercising is not a pretty sight, nobody looks cool while exercising lmao sadly. Also, I think the D/M situation still makes a lot of people (including me) so uncomfortable that we resort to laughter to heal ourselves. Even my initial reaction to the videos was very mean spirited, but I have been angry with David lately, lmao. 

- To be fair to David about his poor form: there could be a number of reasons, an injury, age, he is tired. But to all of these, any professional trainer (or a GOOD gym buddy) would tell you to simply rest or adjust your workout. They would never tell you to overexert yourself.

- 🌟 And, to still be fair to him, it is not a consistent journey to go to the gym regularly, you will have some good days and many bad ones. This could've been a bad day for him emotionally or mentally. 

🌟 BUT My question then is this: For the amount of time D/M have spent together supposedly exercising, why is his form still so bad? And why does he still have chicken legs? (serious question, lmao) if he is doing the same routines as Monique? (will be addressed later)

**** 🌟 Ideally, your day at the gym will involve NEUTRAL emotions (and I thought for so long that you should always be positive, but this usually just leads to me beating myself up for not working out hard enough! lmao!) and you 🌟 accomplish your routine without too much self-gloating NOR too much self-criticism involved. 

**** 🌟 So, why is is he pushing through a hardcore workout with poor form, if he should know from experience that this is NOT good for his health? And he should also be able to know and FEEL that his form is BAD? I’ll say it again: bad form = wasted exercise.

Conclusion:

**** 🌟  💣  [THEORY 67] I don’t see that he has NEUTRAL feelings towards Fitness Culture™

Maybe its as simple as:

1. David wants to see himself reflected in Cool Girl™

2. David see, David do. In David’s mind, he’s GOTTA do in order to prove to himself that he IS in fact, a 25 year old woman!!!!!!

(Are his emotions involved when he goes to the gym? Keep this in mind going forward...)

The Questions: 

1. 🚨 Why is David so engaged in Fitness Culture™ right now and not in his real life? 🚨 Not in his relationships? Not in his career - why will he act so dead at a con and then exercise like this? exercising should make you feel happy! (literally, lmao!) He might just be making himself tired, LMFAO.

2.  🌟 And why allow videos to be made and posted about it??? I honestly instinctively interpreted it as an angry message at first? like, showing off to his fans? attempting to demonstrate that he is Hercules to anyone that will listen? or could it be showing off to someone in particular [initials: GA] perhaps? hehehehe... ?? I’m probably reading way too much into it, as always. 

But, if David allowed this sh*t to be posted after he berated Gillian Anderson for her work related social media posts, that would make him look absolutely outrageous. Just more evidence of his completely self serving hypocrisy and total lack of self awareness.

OR, there could be a possibility that he didn’t know the videos would be made public. And whoever filmed and distributed these videos had the intention of making fun of David, lmfao. To which I would say, David, when will you GET THE F*CK OUT OF THIS SITUATION???!?!?!?

3. 🌟  Who is making these videos and why? Because if they are being made by and for the personal trainer, then they are compromising this trainer’s reputation. Not only in a supposed breach of privacy (I have no clue if David allowed these videos or not. I’m guessing he probably did but is still clueless as to how social media works? I have no idea), but also in the fact that a trainer is meant to spot and correct a client’s form constantly. 

4. *** 🚨 In one of the videos, the one with resistance band squats, whoever is filming even makes fun of David, telling him to push harder (although David’s form was already very poor, and his rhythm was too quick, essentially, he wasn’t doing to the exercise properly). And Cool Girl™JUST LAUGHED ??? She didn’t even check to see if Dave was ok?? And I can’t believe I actually felt bad for David for a single tiny fraction of a millisecond of a portion of a molecule of a split second there.

*** But it could all just be some “gym humor” I am not picking up on through a short video, who knows.

***  🚨 BUT, bottom line: WHY does David keep subjecting himself to this?? Now the kids are laughing at him!!!!!! To his face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And he is still blind to his situation?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

5. For the amount of time D/Cool Girl™ have spent together supposedly exercising, why is his form still so bad? 

6. Also on the subject of how long they’ve been working out together, why are his legs still chicken legs (serious question, lmao)? They should be built up by now if he is doing the same routines Monique is (look at her legs). Literally, a conclusion here is that he is not doing his exercises PROPERLY. 

Table of Contents

On the Fitness Fakery™ . 

1. David is distracting himself with Fitness Culture™ to fool himself into thinking that he is busy. He especially needs this foolery right now due to the beyond dead and rotted nature of his “career” (I’m withholding my mercy, David, because you have really been hurting me lately).

2. Fitness Fakery™ is his current fantasy. 

2. David is BEING FAKE!! Evidence: poor workout form. The fitness routine is for his image, and not body image, but self-image of youth, capability, and illusion of routine and activity.

3. He is not being a smart consumer when it comes to Fitness Culture™. 

4. On the subject of being a poor consumer, can we also relate this to his “consumption” of “relationships”? And, on this subject, could it be that his education working against him?

5. Ok, let’s put on the table the possibility that Monique is really mainly his gym buddy? Maybe even free nutritionist (to explain why they are always eating meals together? LMAO?)?

6. DAVID IS CHEAP!!! He said so himself. Monique is actually providing a great service of being a gym buddy at no REAL benefit to herself (beyond material things). Maybe David will one day let her roam 20 km off the hotel grounds. Until then, she’s gotta put in HER DUES to him!!!

7. IF David were exercising properly at this intensity, the release of endorphins would lead to him being happier. I honestly think he is just making himself TIRED?? lmao??? lay off the gym then, Dave!!!!

8. Mixing the Fitness Fakery™ with the Identity Crisis: The way David goes about things, as in, always asking others/ hiring others an never questioning their process or trying to understand/educate himself, is what leaves him vulnerable to scamming. 

9. Cool Girl™ cannot exist without attention. Cool Girl™ is as confused as Cool Boy™. Maybe David just wants to be with someone who is as confused and suppressed as he is. Cool Girl™ confuses attention with accomplishment, obedience with love, compliance with partnership, suppression/reflection with identity etc.

10. If Cool Girl™ is meant to be a reflection of his ego, does this make David a Cool Boy™? My answer: yes. And, if this were the case, the relationship would still unequal, and it would still be an exploitation.

11. Is he literally so LOST and EMPTY within himself, that he would need to find fulfillment THROUGH THESE MEANS???!!!!

The Theories:

(1) 💣 [THEORY 68] David is distracting himself with Fitness Culture™ to fool himself into thinking that he is busy. He especially needs this foolery right now due to the beyond dead and rotted nature of his “career” (I’m withholding my mercy, David, because you have really been hurting me lately).

He is drawn to and practices FAKE fitness, not real fitness. Related to: he doesn’t like discomfort.

We make fun of his chicken legs but seriously, from a fitness perspective, what are those? Why doesn’t he buff up his body evenly? 

From my experience of going to the gym: I love working out my arms (the burn feels good there, for some reason) but not my legs. The pain in my legs just freaks me out, probably because you need to use your legs more than your arms. And knowing that David doesn’t like discomfort, maybe this is the case with him as well? LMAO? In short, David, we understand... everyone hates “leg day” but... we push through it anyways!

Ok, on the subject of distraction, I think it speaks for itself. And I don’t think this is the only distraction in his life, but I think this might be one of the more “dangerous” ones in terms of the way it fools his mind and identity.

(2) 💣 [THEORY 69 - POOR CHOICE OF NUMBER. It would’ve been nice to have a Gillovny theory here, I blame you, David!] Fitness Fakery™ is his current fantasy.

My conclusion for now: he fell into a hole of self-obsession. Wtf is he doing? Acting like he doesn’t give a sh*t about The X-Files at cons but still supporting Chris Carter and saying he’s open to doing more episodes??

*** I’m here to put a focus on the discrepancy of why he is so engaged in the Fitness Fakery™  and not engaged in his real life.

*** Conclusion: Fitness fakery™ is his current fantasy.

*** The Danger: Its hard to argue that this is something bad for him - for him to argue against himself or his loved ones to argue against him, since fitness is usually very literally equated to “goodness”/health/productivity etc. So, with the hook of Fitness Fakery™, he has some justification that he NEEDS to be at the gym 24/7 with his lil clone buddy. And of course... nobody is buying this. Except for him. 

(2)  💣 [THEORY 70] David is BEING FAKE!! Evidence: poor workout form. The fitness routine is for his image, and not body image, but self-image of youth, capability, and illusion of routine and activity.

Evidence of fakeness: POOR FORM AT THE GYM. I go to the gym regularly and when I first started I invested in a personal trainer just to get my form correct. Form is everything in exercises, not duration and not how many sets or reps you do. 

Just by looking at his form I can see that he is wasting his time. I don’t know why the guy who was filming (who seemed to also be spotting them) didn’t correct David. Literally, it doesn’t matter if you do 1 million pushups the way he did them, you won’t see any progress (ok thats an exaggeration, but FORM IS STILL CRUCIAL!!)

I’m stunned to see the poor form because I thought he was experienced with fitness? Was this a bad day? I’m tired of being fair to him so i’m just gonna go in:

What real gym-goers say at the gym: “I want a REAL workout. I want to feel like I’m dying afterwards. I do this for myself and for my own health. But I know my limits and will not overexert myself. I keep myself informed. I want to get my money and time’s worth. etc.”

What Fakey Davey says at the gym: “I want a FAKE workout. I don’t want to feel too much discomfort. I will ignore my doctor’s advice that I shouldn’t be pushing myself so hard at my age. LOOK AT ME EVERYONE!!! SEE HOW OLD YET STRONG YET FAKE I AM? Hey Chris Carter, you forgot to write a scene in this X-Files episode where I can take my shirt off for no reason!!! I don’t care about getting my money or time’s worth at the gym because... I HAVE UNLIMITED AMOUNTS OF BOTH. etc.”

OR actually, just to be fair, i’ll toss in the possibility that he is aware of his age or has an injury or something. But to this I will still oppose him and tell him to be kind to himself and lay off the gym. And you know, perhaps, put some attention onto something... you know... something other than himself. Maybe. For once. Just a suggestion?

He is being fake, to everyone, and most importantly to himself. Fine, fool yourself David, but don’t implicate others. Don’t lie to your fans about who you are and then accept their money happily while turning over a crap product (and I consider his behaviour at the latest con to be a crap product, to put it nicely). 

Voice of David’s God (a.k.a. himself): He is convincing himself that he will one day become The Hulk or one day win some 1st prize bodybuilder trophy or some sh*t and one day ONE DAY this will make people RESPECT THIS GOD OF A MAN!!!! you’ll believe godd is a daviiiiiiid ~~

(3) 💣 [THEORY 71] He is not being a smart consumer when it comes to Fitness Culture™. 

But, to be fair to him, he might just be a product of his fake, shiny plastic, gimmicky, trendy Los Angeles environment. Also, I think this is related to his avoidance of deep or critical thinking.

I recently received an anon message talking about the people in his circle and the products they sell/promote: all fake, holistic, unproven health gimmicks. Very popular amongst actors since they need to keep up with the cool crowd, want to support their inner circle of ~ enlightened millionaire beings ~ and are uneducated (or in this case, lack critical thinking or research skills). 

(4) 💣 [THEORY 72] On the subject of being a crap consumer, can we also relate this to his “consumption” of “relationships”? And, on this subject, could it be that his education working against him?

I stated before that he consumed this “relationship” the same way he would consume a gimmick. And he is keeping the “relationship” going the same way he keeps those disgusting Vibrams on his feet. 

Same way he will consume a “relationship” with a scammer. 

Where is the self awareness David? Where is the pride? Where is the self respect? 

oH WAIT actually, maybe he never learned to become a smart consumer because HE NEVER HAD TO WORRY ABOUT MONEY????!!!! OR BEING AT LOSS WHEN IT COMES TO WOMEN ayyyye got it ya’ll! ... just kidding. 

Its a cycle:

CRAP CONSUMPTION = CRAP COMING OUT THE OTHER END. 

= THIS IS WHAT WE’RE SEEING RIGHT NOW. 

“Loved the Wizard World Comic Con appearance straight from your ass, Dave!” - TripAdvisor review posted anonymously and thumbs upped by Brad Davidson. 

Maybe he fooled himself from the get-go with the education? He considers himself omniscient? . 

Why can’t he just.... FOR ONCE.... think critically!!!!??!??!?!

(5) 💣 [THEORY 73] Ok, let’s put on the table the possibility that Monique is really mainly his gym buddy? Maybe even free nutritionist (to explain why they are always eating meals together? LMAO?)?

I still assert that him bringing her around everywhere is just excessive, self-indulgent, selfish and ridiculous. However, everything we’ve witnessed in the past has proven that David is excessive, self-indulgent, selfish and ridiculous. Soo, end of discussion? 

(6) 💣 [THEORY 74] DAVID IS CHEAP!!! He said so himself. Monique is actually providing a great service of being a gym buddy at no REAL benefit to herself (beyond material things). Maybe David will one day let her roam 20 km off the hotel grounds. Until then, she’s gotta put in HER DUES to him!!! 

*** However, if she is meant to be his trainer, her services are not really professional. If she were training him then I believe that she would correct his form, or give him exercises that are more appropriate for his age (no age shame here, the human body is the human body. With age, we must make adjustments). 

I think what might be going on is that David is forcing himself because he wants to prove that he can still do these exercises that younger people do. In short: to see himself the way he wants to see himself in his head. So again, I circle back to the argument that David is doing this for his loneliness, desire to feel young and capable, and, essentially, all his selfish purposes. 

(6) 💣 [THEORY 75] *** IS the Fitness Fakery THE TRAP? And is this trap within a larger trap of the crap career? And is the crap career trap within the larger trap of his own apathy/laziness/greed/insatiable ego?

my answer: YASSS!!!! pass it on to Dave.

Ok but seriously, wtf?? If it is so damn painful for us just to watch a few single seconds of these videos from Hell what the f*ck is the reality of the situation for David? 

I said he lives in a fantasy, but this theory would prove that he is BODY, MIND AND SOUL IN ANOTHER DIMENSION.

Does he just not feel any pain anymore? Whet? Does he not feel ANY shame? LMFAO?? wtf boy...????

(7) 💣 [THEORY 76] IF David were exercising properly at this intensity, the release of endorphins would lead to him being happier.

I honestly think he is just making himself TIRED?? lmao??? lay off the gym then, Dave!!!!

Another thing I noticed in those videos from Hell, is that the trainer does not do anything to correct David? Its like he is not even acknowledging him? What I see is honestly a bunch of people not wanting to tell David the truth of himself, lmfao. It took a while for me to pick up on this through all my cringing/refusal to look directly at the Hell footage. 

I’ll just repeat myself here because I thought this moment was hilarious:

*** 🚨 In one of the videos, the one with resistance band squats, whoever is filming even makes fun of David, telling him to push harder (although David’s form was already very poor, and his rhythm was too quick, essentially, he wasn’t doing to the exercise properly). And Cool Girl™ JUST LAUGHED ??? She didn’t even check to see if Dave was ok?? And I can’t believe I actually felt bad for David for a single split second there. 

*** But it could all just be some “gym humor” I am not picking up on through a short video, who knows. 

***  🚨 BUT, bottom line: WHY does David keep subjecting himself to this?? Now the kids are laughing at him!!!!!! To his face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And he is still blind to his situation?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

(8)  💣  [THEORY 77] Mixing the Fitness Fakery™ with the Identity Crisis: The way David goes about things, as in, always asking others/ hiring others an never questioning their process or trying to understand/educate himself, is what leaves him vulnerable to scamming.

I guess we should not ignore the possibility that David is just very naive (its been said before but I still cannot even make heads or tails of this idea right now, lmao). Maybe he will just blindly believe anyone with credentials or even ANYONE WITH NO CREDENTIALS lmfao!!! Maybe he only believes... young people? I don’t...

Oh wait yeah... he has a close relationship with and respect for Chris Carter... I guess I shouldn’t be... applying morals or logic to who he decides to trust....

So, is he just lazy? I still don’t think it’s that simple. But, I mean, come on boy, READ SOME DAMN LITERATURE ON THE SUBJECT. Put away the fantasy books, the myths, the outdated philosophy manuscripts FOR ONE SECOND and EDUCATE YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(9) 💣  [THEORY 78] Cool Girl™ cannot exist without attention. Cool Girl™ is as confused as Cool Boy™. Maybe David just wants to be with someone who is as confused and suppressed as he is. Cool Girl™ confuses attention with accomplishment, obedience with love, compliance with partnership, suppression/reflection with identity etc.

Without any eyes on Cool Girl™, what reason would Cool Girl™ need to be hot, game, and never angry?

Cool Girl™ might have also confused reflecting someone’s ego with having a personal identity, not realizing that their role is merely to be a... mirror. 

(10) 💣  [THEORY 79] If Cool Girl™ is meant to be a reflection of his ego, does this make David a Cool Boy™? My answer: yes.

Cool Boy™️ is also hot, game, fun, never angry, liking whatever someone else likes WITHOUT CRITICAL THOUGHT/RESEARCH. 

Above all, Cool Girl™️ does what she does for the attention and approval of men, even at the expense of other women. 

So, does David/Cool Boy™️ do the same? Could we actually say yes? Suppressing his actual indifference towards feminist issues? Never getting angry about the social media nonsense? lmao??

**  🚨 I think David keeps up this facade and suppresses himself because he knows there is really nothing to him beneath the surface.

* And would the end goal, for Cool Boy™️, of this “relationship” be simply recognition, attention, and approval? Even if it is all faked fakery? I don’t really want to even think about the situation as being THIS pathetic but all of the evidence, including what we know of David’s insatiable ego and the fact that he his living in some fantasy land right now with no evidence of a single person bringing him back to reality, would prove, yes?

**  🚨 🚨 HOWEVER, the “relationship” is still an exploitation: our Cool Boy™️ in this situation, unlike Cool Girl™️, does NOT have to fully sacrifice himself for the attention of the Cool Girl™️ because of the power imbalance of the “relationship”.

The fact that Cool Boy™️ is male (and socially seen as protector, provider etc.)

the fact that Cool Boy™️ is older (again, seen as the provider of both resources and knowledge)

the fact that Cool Boy™️ simply has more experience with “relationships”, human interaction, and emotional manipulation...

All of these facts combine to tip the scales in Cool Boy™️’s favor. Yet still, he maintains the facade of Cool Boy™️ because he DOES want attention in this relationship.

(11) 💣  [THEORY 80]***** 🚨 🚨 He is literally that LOST and EMPTY within himself, that he would need to find fulfillment THROUGH THESE MEANS!!!!

Hey David, why not just put all of this effort, energy, mental fantasy making whatever towards your CAREER, ART, WORK, AND VERY LOYAL FANS? I can’t stand the sh*tty way he treats his fans!! But I gotta hand it to them, they are very loyal, so wake it up Dave!!!

Again: He is damn bored out of his mind, has no creativity, has no desire to give, no desire to contribute, has no bravery to start a real conversation... and most importantly, is probably **VERY LONELY**... I will keep repeating myself

In Part 2: Identity Crisis, I will discuss how he really wants to be regarded as some gritty warrior who has gone through many trials and tribulations in his life, although all the evidence (example: the immature way he handles his problems) proves otherwise.

Future ideas:

Does David actually LIKE being told what to do?

Accomplishment without pride?

Midlife Crisis Activities™ and how they provide the self-delusion of “living your best life”

Thank you again, readers!

[oathkeeper-of-tarth]

Time to dive into this one, eh. This year’s SDCC poster now seems a pretty deliberate and blatant bit of foreshadowing and underlines this as a whole Thing we really should be paying attention to.

THAT ONE SCENE!!! Can I start you a gofundme account to destroy "WHO" did this to Pearl 

Anon, I’ll do it for free. (Though, okay, yeah, if it requires a functional FTL spaceship, and it probably does, I might need help with funding.)

Ok but I really need you to develop your theories and thoughts about THAT thing with pearl because I can't stop thinking about it and I'm very curious to read what you think. I read your tags but I need more. All of it. There wasn't enough Pearl on those episodes and yet that thing messed me up. 

You and me both.

See, I feel nostalgic now, like the ol’ days of SU theories, Ronaldoing hard, building entire alien worlds and systems and elaborate secret identity conspiracy theories on a few frames of background art with three triangles and four rhombuses. Love it. Or the incredible mileage we all got out of Jasper’s “some lost, defective pearl”, leading the way to the pretty wide agreement of there being multiples of a single Gem “type” way, way before the show actually confirmed it.

So, Homeworld... I always hoped you'd see it some day, but I thought I'd be there with you. Being taken there as a prisoner, I suppose it was something of a dramatic experience. It's just... Steven, I'm sure you have a lot of questions you'd like answers to, like about the Diamonds, for instance. There are things that are impossible for me to explain... But I want to! I-- Steven, I--

The way Pearl’s signature piano in the background music goes all wild and dissonant whenever her hand flies up is particularly effective.

So, what’s going on here? Is Pearl under some sort of geas? A gag order? From the elusive White Diamond (still without even a namedrop - maybe exactly because of... this), or some remnants of Pink Diamond’s influence? I’m fairly sure it’s another piece of the Pink Diamond Murder Mystery puzzle we’ve been promised, but how exactly it fits we can’t yet know for sure. There seem to be some very particular things Pearl physically cannot talk about as her own hand flies up to gag her, and she can’t wrestle it off to finish her sentence. She only manages to remove her hand once the topic of conversation has shifted away from whatever it was she was trying to say.

I’ve seen people compare this to Sophie being forbidden from talking about her curse in Howl’s Moving Castle, especially since:

If you ever find yourself wondering if Steven Universe just referenced anime, the answer is almost always 'Yes.'   -- Matt Burnett

There’s also the possibility of it being a conditioning, or “programming” thing. Perhaps one that applies to Diamonds’ pearls, or pearls in general, which certainly makes a dark sort of sense. After all, as we’ve seen, pearls are privy to pretty much everything on Homeworld, down to the top dog rulers’ most private moments. They present a huge risk and potential vulnerability - and I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s noticed they’re the ideal spies and informants. I’ve also seen the suggestion that it’s some kind of trauma-related response (though the whole bit with literally wrestling with her own arm makes me a bit doubtful).

I’ve got a vaguely chronological overview of instances of Pearl doing the hand thing I’ve found and their context, in an attempt to see which might be relevant here and which are just Pearl being upset or shocked or similar. Obviously, YMMV, but this is my take. It’s also going to be pretty long since, well, she actually does it a lot.

Season 1, So Many Birthdays. Shock upon seeing Steven suddenly aged into an old man. Can’t think of how this would be related to anything.

Season 1, Mirror Gem. “It's talking to him? It shouldn't be able to do that. I-it should only be following orders...”

While the above line has always struck me as interesting and kinda twisted in retrospect coming from Pearl of all people, the gesture is nothing like the involuntary gag one we’ve now seen, and there isn’t much to suggest she was about to say anything revealing or important in a Diamond sense.

Season 1, Rose’s Scabbard. “Pearl, you have to tell me what's wrong.”

While tempting, I don’t think this one is it, either, especially because she does tell Steven what’s wrong right after and without any noticeable issues, and here she’s just curling into herself and crying, immensely upset. There’s also nothing to suggest anything “forbidden” at risk of being revealed here. (In general I think Season 1 might be a bit too early to start seeding this, but who knows, the Crewniverse have played the long, long, long game with us before.)

Season 2, It Could’ve Been Great. “Ta-da! A finished Earth colony. Wow, look at this! Eighty-nine kindergartens, sixty-seven spires, a Galaxy Warp in each facet, efficient use of all available materials. What were you thinking, shutting this operation down? It could've been great!”

I was pretty sure this one was going to be relevant, but then when checking it out I noticed the frames leading into it show Pearl slowly putting her hand up to cover her mouth in shock in a way that makes it look really different to the gag thing. And again, she doesn’t really try to say anything here, and a bit later joins the conversation without any apparent issue. So while I guess you could frame it as her wanting to say something about the Diamonds’ plans for Earth and being unable to, I’m not sure I would.

In season 3′s Monster Reunion, Pearl doesn’t cover her mouth, but does use a now interesting turn of phrase when discussing, as she calls it, “damage from the Diamonds”:

Remember, she's not cracked, she's corrupted, and that's something different, something nearly impossible to describe.

I guess there’s a world of difference between nearly impossible and outright impossible.

Season 3, Bismuth. These two instances I can’t see as being anything but emotion and shock, both at seeing an old, dearly missed and long-lost friend, and at seeing Steven hurt and said friend in a bubble. No dialogue involved (I mean, besides the BiiiIIIIIIiiismuUuUUUUUth, of course).

But then it really gets interesting.

“I was there. I saw it with my own eye. I watched the leader of the Crystal Gems, Rose Quartz, shatter Pink Diamond!”

“No. Rose Quartz would never do that! A-and, sure, she had to fight, but - but she would never shatter someone!”

Season 3, Back to the Moon.

This is of course the one instance everyone and their mother thought back to after Gemcation, and I think the clearest contender for another example of the gag order thing. Garnet’s concern and look shot towards her is also very noticeable. The only issue I could possibly see is that here she’s covering her mouth with her left hand, whereas in Gemcation it was the right, but that’s fairly minor and deals with the specifics of something we really don’t have any knowledge about. But I’d say it’s a pretty fair bet that whatever it is Pearl can’t say has to do with Pink Diamond being shattered (also, interestingly, I checked again while going through the episode transcripts, but Pearl never once says the words ‘Pink Diamond’ out loud, where for example she has no trouble talking about Blue or Diamonds in general in several instances). Whether it was somehow Pearl herself or White Diamond or one of the many, many, many other variants of the whodunnit I’ve seen is still impossible to tell (and I still really really want it to be Rose, but hey).

I’ve seen people suggest that Rose is the one behind the gag order, or that a promise to Rose is stopping Pearl from talking, but the extent to which that flies in the face of everything the Crystal Gems fought for and represent makes me go nope pretty damn hard. It’s enough that after 5000+ years of being away from Homeworld and a free Gem Pearl still has to deal with this clearly very unpleasant (the way her entire body seizes up in Gemcation is just... jeez) reminder and problem, but Rose knowingly exploiting it would just be straight up evil.

“I thought you were going to tell me everything from now on.” “Oh, Steven... We...”

“Does this have anything to do with Pink Diamond? I already know mom shattered her, so what is it about this that you can't tell me?” "Please, you're making Pearl very upset.”

“It's lucky something has some information that I don't have to get out of them!”

Season 4, Steven’s Dream.

I’ve included the whole progression here, from fidgety and increasingly uncomfortable and worried, looking to Garnet for help, to the hands firmly covering her mouth. I really really like this take on the scene by @mandareeboo and my read matches that one pretty well (and I’m generally in the camp that Garnet knows about... whatever this is, and Amethyst probably doesn’t).

The next episode, Adventures in Light Distortion, gave us this scene, which I feel is very relevant now. The long pause does look like Pearl might be trying to think of a way to go on without triggering the gag thing, so we get the very vague and general “... Homeworld”. Instead of, oh, don’t know... White Diamond, perhaps? (I don’t think it was Pink for a number of reasons, some of which I wrote down here, the timeline just doesn’t work out. Also if she’d been Pink Pearl, she would certainly have known the nefarious Zoo better than she does, and would have more than just “seen it [her]self” once or twice.)

Season 4, I Am My Mom. “I get it now. I'm the only one who can stop what she started. I can stop all of it! She wouldn't have wanted this. But I do.”

The final one I’ve found so far, and another one I won’t discuss too much since I think it’s an instance of Pearl being emotional and shocked, though I’ve seen the idea mentioned that she might have wanted to blurt something out to stop Steven from leaving, which, seeing as it’s clearly once again tied into Pink Diamond’s assassination, isn’t that much of a reach.

This might be reaching but what if,,,the white starburst design behind YD and BD in the SDCC poster is actually White, symbolizing her overarching influence? Like initially I found the 'floral design' a little weird in context of homeworld gems, but if WD's actually the case...         

Oh, the white starburst on top definitely stands for WD, and the pink flower looks like (though isn’t identical to, I made a quick comparison here) the ones that grow around the palanquin in Korea and decorate the Zoo - that one stands for PD, that’s pretty deliberate (in the previous SDCC poster, Jasper had that flower on her lapel). They’re posed to correspond with their spots in the Diamond Authority insignia. Whether or not White does have some big overarching influence (and with that... huge... torso ship thing on Homeworld?), or if it all just matches their gem placements and nothing else, or some combination of both... your guess is as good as mine. Yellow and Blue seemed to be pretty equal in what we’ve seen of them so far.

@ayal92 asked:

I don't know how to feel about the gagging scene. On one hand, I think it's exactly what it looks like. On the other hand, Pearls being programmed that way means that Homeworld acknowledge their potential to screw their owners over, which seems very out of character for them. I always thought gems were fine being indiscrete in front of Pearls because they regard them as talking purses...

That’s the thing, though, you don’t even have to think a pearl would run off and spill all your secrets, or even consider her capable of basic disobedience. All that needs to happen is for your would-be political rival or whoever is plotting against you to steal your pearl and make her talk to get the blackmail material or whatever. I think pearls potentially just got “fancy encrypted hard drive” added to their list of horribly objectifying uncomfortable comparisons. Sticking tape over your laptop’s webcam? That kind of thing. Now you can be extra indiscreet and safe in the knowledge of no repercussions ever, no matter where your pearl might be! Hooray! Ick.

I think, personally, I’m leaning towards it being a pearl thing. It just fits with the awful Homeworld attitude in a way that I think really works and makes twisted practical sense. It also kind of reinforces, for me, the fact of just how badly Pearl had everything stacked against her, and she still did all that she did. Man, I don’t know, I just love her to bits.

[demurgos]

At my workplace we have defined sexual harassment, diversity, accessibility, and mental health policies that result in concrete consequences if violated. You do not ever use homophobic slurs casually, but especially not in a professional environment. I remain unsettled that given Shadowhunter’s LGBTQIA supporting and conscious content it appears to be complicit in a work culture that allows for the covert reproduction of discrimination and inequality. Dominic was comfortable using that slur in the workplace and towards a co-worker. It would have continued unchallenged if he was not accidentally recorded. He directly interacts with the ideas of inclusion and equality on a day to day basis, he spoke publicly about these issues in interviews and promotional material (like the video he did for GLAAD's Spirit Day), at events, and to fans, he launched an anti-bullying campaign (which presumably encompasses the tyranny of homophobia), he promotes the virtues of “we are all human” and “love is love” - which, while well-intentioned is misguided like the colourblindness discourse surrounding race - he was in attendance at a NYCC panel where Cassandra Clare discussed how the Malec relationship was inspired by a real life gay friend who committed suicide and did not see his happy ending come to fruition, and yet none of this led him to question his use of the slur in any context? To remove it from his colloquial language as a pejorative to tease and degrade on the basis of sexual orientation and its concomitant stereotypes? I find it extremely difficult to forgive this kind of willful ignorance, insensitivity, and hypocrisy that yields to apologies and remorse only when exposed and confronted with public backlash. Apologizing is not the most he can do, it is the least he can do, and fans are not obliged to be appeased or silenced, especially under the suppressive accusation of “overreacting” and “spreading hate”. 

Cishet white male privilege is receiving forgiveness and consolation after a two minute damage-control apology; it is having people hasten to his defence and demonize the victims’ voices as histrionics and hate (how much outrage then is appropriate according to your dominant systems of power? should we be accommodating, pleasant and swift in our hurt for your comfort and convenience?); it is not having to face visible, professional repercussions because of his personal relationships with executives, the production crew, and cast and his ‘indispensable’ role on the show, although the recent downfall of powerful men across all industries for sexual assault proves no problematic man is indispensable; it is having his bosses make general tweets on his behalf about supporting kindness and inclusivity without referencing him by name or stating explicitly what actions have been taken to effect punishment and ensure it does not happen again in the future, to save him from the same shame we’re meant to feel when we hear that slur; it is trusting everyone on set aspires to the same inclusive values rather than proactively enforcing a zero tolerance policy; it is this collective silence, leniency, and avoidance of the issue that ultimately downplays the harm that has been caused because it was merely a word mistakenly spoken without malice when uttered by him, because it is human fallibility when it is one of your own, because it is an immediate inflammatory and unprofitable discussion to have, unlike all the other social injustices in the world that are easier to denounce from a distance, which many of you do publicly, and the cishet white male’s pain and remorse is always more worthy of support than the pain and historical oppression of a marginalized group; it is this unanimous will to move on, believing the anger will diminish with time and deliberate evasion and disregard, with multimedia distractions, because you’ve decided unilaterally where the conversation ends, that your response has been enough.

No matter what personal happiness Dominic brings to his fans, it does not negate or mitigate what he did. Staying vigilant and dismantling systems of oppression in their new obscure forms that continue to harm and disadvantage us is the hardest to do when they involve family, friends, and colleagues. But as privileged individuals with access to tools of power to change perceptions I hope you recognize your social responsibility to understand systemic processes of inequality and endeavour to change them. We are all human, but we are not the same nor equal. The mistakes and microaggressions of the dominant social group have different consequences for different strata of society and it is important we recognize that.

[sinfulfolk]

On Writing: Withholding the “True” Story in Toni Morrison's Beloved

published on Toni Morrison’s birthday: February 18, 1931 I’ve been pondering writing a new novel that illuminates a horrific period in my family’s heritage. As I re-read Toni Morrison’s Beloved, it became clear to me that her techniques of emotional withholding and surrealistic storytelling would be quite useful in telling the story that I’m tentatively calling A Mercy Upon Us.

The verifiable family history I would use in my novel is the story of my grandfather’s parents. They were two young immigrants from Holland, with four children in tow, and one in the oven. They brought with them their elderly grandmother, to help with the children and the new baby about to be born. However, the only English speaker was the father. Shortly after arriving in this New World, the father contracted tuberculosis and died. The mother had just given birth, and alone, alienated, and bereft in this strange land, she sank into post-partum depression, and shortly thereafter committed suicide. The oldest child, Sue, assisted the elderly grandmother in adopting out the other children to families who gave them new names and new histories. Twenty-five years later, Sue went back and found each of the children, and told them who they really were, and where they came from. She gave them their true story – which was both a curse and a blessing. My grandfather may have never recovered from the knowledge that he was not who he had thought he had been, and seemed to carry it as a dark weight his whole life.

Although this story has not a hint of magic about it (except perhaps the magic of memory), I found in Toni Morrison’s work a number of techniques that may help me to understand how to think through this book from the perspective of my narrator Sue. First, one technique I find quite useful is the way that Morrison describes events and persons through a lens that is unusual and lends a patina of strangeness to a scene, hinting just barely to her readers that all is not as it first appears. I could use this technique to give alternate versions of what happens, in a Rashomon type of multi-valent storytelling. For now, though, I think I’m going to just focus on Sue’s perspective, and let the story come out naturally as she tells it to the siblings she finds in her long quest to tell them the truth.

In Morrison’s novel, the dead ghost of a child re-emerges into the lives of the main characters as a grown fully fleshed woman who has “willed” her way back into existence. At first, they do not know who she is, or what she represents in their lives. Morrison mirrors the characters’ lack of context for “Beloved” by providing an the initial introduction of Beloved as a character through poetic language that paints the situation as strange and imaginatively unreal. No one reacts to the scene, but the description is strange and compelling:

A fully dressed woman walked out of the water. She barely gained the dry bank of the stream before she sat down and leaned against a mulberry tree. All day and all night she sat there, her head resting on the trunk in a position abandoned enough to crack the brim in her straw hat. Everything hurt but her lungs most of all. Sopping wet and breathing shallow she spent those hours trying to negotiate the weight of her eyeballs. …. She had new skin, lineless and smooth, including the knuckles of her hands…. four times the woman drank from the speckled tin cup as though she had crossed a desert. (Morrison 50)

The critical elements here are the indications that this “woman” is not of our world: her lungs hurt, her eyeballs have an unusual weight, and she has new skin. Finally, she has just “crossed a desert.” All of these mentions tell the reader that this woman is experiencing reality in a different way than the other characters. Of course, after you’ve read the book once, you recognize the metaphors of birthing and of new life in the world. However, at first read, these hints simply give her reality a radically different angle, an unusual and poetic perspective. The hints reverberate and pile up though, over time, until the weight of what they might mean is inescapable.

In the same manner, I believe that the mother’s suicide in my novel can be more powerful if I don’t actually say it by name, but instead allow it to be hinted at and illuminated by metaphor until the possibility of it, and then the reality of it becomes something heavy and inescapable in the reader’s mind – an overwhelming radical change that is referenced only glancingly by the other characters, but gradually insists on its own reality, much as Beloved gradually insists on her reality in the lives of the characters in Morrison’s work. Metaphor and oblique references are critical tools to invoke an alternate story, or to hint at a story that can’t be told overtly.

If I need to hint at the story, it’s also necessary to show how my other characters are gradually informed. Specifically, I think withholding the actual story from my readers, and allowing it to come out gradually as Sue tells it to other people, is a technique worth exploring. Morrison does this adroitly. For example, it is absolutely lovely to see how she has her characters interact with “Beloved.” They field seemingly innocuous questions and discussion, and then Morrison allows the realization of the import of those questions to land later, at the end of the discussion, so that the true meaning of that conversation reverberates backwards through the story. Here’s one instance of this technique: “Now she noticed something more. The questions Beloved asked: ‘Where are your diamonds?’ ‘Your woman she never fix up your hair?’ And most perplexing: Tell me your earrings. How did she know?” (Morrison 63). The cold realization of something unnatural – knowledge ungained from the other characters – hits the characters after the reader has already realized something is strange about the woman’s knowledge.

Finally, Morrison brings the “alternate” story (or the backstory) into her character’s lives through visceral experiences that are inserted into a present narrative. She forces the story into the main narrative by taking the hints much further, until their import is inescapable. Here’s a later scene that shows “Beloved” demonstrating her story – and her ghostly reality – to the other characters:

Beloved, inserting a thumb in her mouth along with the forefinger, pulled out a back tooth. There was hardly any blood…. Beloved looked at the tooth and thought, This is it. Next would be her arm, her hand, a toe. Pieces of her would drop maybe one at a time, maybe all at once. Or on one of those mornings…she would fly apart. It is difficult keeping her head on her neck, her legs attached to her hips when she is by herself.  (Morrison 133)

Again, in this scene, Morrison does not make the back-story of “Beloved” into something unreal or ghostly, but grounds in realistically-described moments of experience that the other characters can actually sense and feel and see. Her character’s tooth removal seems very realistic and very sensory. Therefore, when her character ponders her own unreality, and the difficulty of living as a “ghost” in the human world, the reader can suspend disbelief and travel with her narrative, because the previous moments were firmly grounded. Instead of being caught in abstractions, the reader starts from an anchor point that is firmly grounded in the everyday world. What Morrison does so amazingly well is to make the magic real to the characters, and thus, to the readers.

The realistically described experiences of “Beloved” thus brings the realization of the back-story (or alternate story) home to her readers with a powerful punch. Much later in the book, after all of these hints and experiences have slowly collected like drops wearing down the disbelief of her other characters, Morrison finally brings a waterfall of realization. Here’s where Morrison brings the truth home: The “sweet conviction” in her eyes “almost made him wonder if it had happened at all, eighteen years ago, that while he and Baby Suggs were looking the wrong way, a pretty little slavegirl had recognized a hat, and split to the woodshed to kill her children” (Morrison 158). This is the moment that Morrison brings out the main pivotal moment in the backstory. Because of her consistent buildup of this story, the description lands with a satisfying wallop of pain.

In Morrison’s techniques of metaphorical description, backstory hints, and visceral experience, I see some tools I can use in gradually revealing the “truth” of my story Mercy Upon Us. I hope that when I’m able to take the time to write that novel that I’m able to effectively use these techniques to communicate as powerfully as Morrison did in Beloved.

A literary update from NedNote.com Readers can find my books at these bookstores:

  WORKS CITED Morrison, Toni. Beloved. New York: Penguin Group, 1988.

On Writing: Withholding the “True” Story in Toni Morrison’s Beloved was originally published on Ned Hayes

[arecomicsevengood]

Anti-Gone by Connor Willumsen: Book Of The Year

Koyama Press has just published Anti-Gone, Connor Willumsen's first book-length project. It's great. I interviewed Willumsen for the Comics Journal two years ago, and his book is everything I could hope a debut full-length book by someone I went on record with praise before they had a full book out would be. It's a gamechanger on the order of the first Powr Mastrs book, or Ruppert and Mulot's Barrel Of Monkeys. These are books I basically have never even attempted to talk about why they're good, and instead view as an article of faith for people with my critical allegiances. I doubt a better comic will be published this year.

It nonetheless seems in bad taste, or somehow redundant, for me to try to go on at length about the book for The Comics Journal: Let other writers have at it, so that it can be viewed as consensus opinion that this book is great, not just one lone idiot's ass-covering opinion. Still that's not to say I'm not thinking about it, and if you want to know what I'm thinking when I'm asserting the book's greatness, I will attempt to put it into writing here now.

Let's begin with the title: Stating an opposite of "gone" implies presence. "Here" is already claimed by Richard McGuire. That book riffs on place while Anti-Gone is more about presence of mind, as held by its characters, who rove about a vast dreamscape of a world. Partially, it's about the struggle to take in the world around you as the world around you, without say, immediately spitting up references to movies. It's a struggle to see the world without mediating it through your memories of other mediated experiences. This struggle gets spoken of explicitly through dialogue. At a formal level, the book is all about commanding your attention, and holding it firmly, as you experience it without knowing where it's going.

That last bit is what most narrative art attempts, and what most audiences expect. We go into a story wanting it to be something other than our immediate reality, and by giving it our attention we hope for the best. Of course, if you've seen a lot of movies, or read a lot of comics, your own foreknowledge of tropes can lead to feeling you're following along with something you already know where it is going. This feeling is not exactly the same as constantly referencing culture you've consumed over the course of a conversation, but it's related. Anti-Gone sets up a formal system where the reader's full engagement parallels what the book is about. Meanwhile, becoming aware of the rate of attention at which you're engaging with something essentially makes you more engaged.

Connor does a pretty great job at avoiding any sense, at any given moment, that you, as the reader, know the story he's telling. I will do my best to likewise avoid giving anyone reading me before the book any undue advance knowledge of plot points, although obviously a little will be revealed, and the further you read the more I'll allude to.

Let me stay focused for the moment on this theme of commanding attention. Most comics try to engage readers by being as clear as possible, in the composition of a panel or a page. They want to create a rhythm that carries you along. Towards the end of my interview with Connor, he discussed this idea of "visual tension," and wanting to push it further. I didn't know what he meant by that. Essentially, it was a notion of something that trusted the reader's ability to read it, without telegraphing meaning through symbols and shortcuts. I basically still did not understand what he meant at the time that I asked him to define it, or I didn't understand what the point or effect of this would be. It's an approach that runs counter to all sorts of shit, from Scott McCloud and Understanding Comics to that "How To Read Nancy" book Paul Karasik and Mark Newgarden are about to put out, to my understanding of Frank Santoro's workshop Connor was previously a student of. The payoff is here in this book, and it's twofold: One, it feels fresh as fuck to read something out of step with current trends in methodology. Two, you naturally read it at a much slower pace, which works wonders towards the effect that you pay attention to it without expending brain power anticipating what'll come next.

Willumsen increases visual tension in a number of ways. Caleb Orecchio pointed out a couple of examples when he wrote about Anti-Gone for Comics Workbook, which I will link to instead of scanning more pages. The first is varying degrees of detail, where things get dropped out to capture small gestures, juxtaposed against fuller drawings where the smaller action is located inside. Because of this, the layouts fluctuate. Eyes move all around the page, to take in all that might be important. The marks begin to be read almost like lettering: I feel like I am truly reading it, and not just at a level of engagement akin to skimming. I'm not just turning pages, I'm poring over the drawings.

The drawings need to be great for the sort of highwire act I'm describing to work at all, to compel you to want to look at them. It's a cartoon language, lacking extraneous detail, but the human characters are allowed to be ugly, with unwieldy flesh and unflattering clothing. The lines that make the world are smooth, and feel neither anxious nor tepid, but thought-through.

The visual language insists you pay attention to all of it, and the story doesn't betray the art by giving any indications that the plot has a main thrust you should focus on. When Willumsen puts in a page where we essentially are tracking character's progress through a landscape by the light of a window's shape shifting as characters pass by it, we take it in, aware, essentially, the the journey is more important than the destination. In the absence of action, we are paying attention to mystery. What Willumsen called "visual tension" ends up imparting its own kind of suspense to the proceedings. In film, an editor can slow down the pace of a scene, but comics require the reader to slow down their reading experience on their own. A film can create suspense by taking its time getting to something viewers know to be inevitable. Here, we are slowed down by the fact that we don't know what is going to happen next, but we know we need to pay attention to make sense of whatever will come.

The language of drug experiences has a term called "time dilation," for the feeling where the brain's ability to think essentially outpaces reality's sequential unfolding. One of the things that I wanted to talk about in my interview with Willumsen, but was too self-conscious and chickenshit to talk about directly, was psychedelics. The ideas engaged in Willumsen's comics often feel "trippy," but I know that, for instance, both Noel Freibert and Robert Beatty are people who loathe having their art styles compared to the effects of drugs, finding it both reductive and off-the-mark as to their experiences. But I don't think it should be off-limits to talk about this stuff, or leave the discussion of it to Joe Rogan: Drug experiences are frequently overpowering in a way that leaves an impression on most people who engage with them. This is not to say you can't get to similar places via meditating, or reading a lot, or engaging in any kind of spiritual practice: However the fact of drug use allows a shortcut that then can be exploited or talked about in an anecdotal way. The focus in Willumsen's comics on perceptual phenomena could originate from drug experiences, or it could just stem from an intense drawing practice: How paying close attention to something changes the way in which you see it, how you ascertain its essence. It's easy to justify not talking about drugs by rationalizing other ways the mind-state can be reached.

However, one of the things that makes my avoidance of talking about drugs so disappointing to me is that one of the things that happens in this book, that enough pages are devoted to that you can even say it's what it is about, in summary, is getting fucked up and going to the movies. If that sounds like a not particularly deep subject, consider that David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest can be said to be largely about getting high and watching TV. These things, especially taken in conjunction, basically constitute the very essence of the postmodern condition. Drugs increase our awareness of subjectivity, and TV and movies are other people's subjective visions, worked out elaborately enough they can be shared. Wallace was mostly interested in Television or entertainment as a different kind of drug that still held addictive and spiritually numbing properties. Willumsen's narrative interests in drug experiences neatly dovetails with what I view as his themes, and the aspects of attention that are all over the book already.

Another concept that comes up in the concept of drug discourse, like Aldous Huxley or Terence McKenna or whoever, is the notion that these drugs essentially remove the frames by which we look at the world, the learned and assumed contexts where we encounter things and consider them to be the way they are. In a design decision that turns out to be more thematically appropriate and less decorative than you might initially suspect, the front cover of Anti-Gone has a die-cut, essentially turning the whole thing into a frame for a simple cartoon drawing that is the book's first page. That frame, giving the name of the book and its author, can be removed to present the reader with an image unmediated.

(That title, by the way, is a pun on Antigone, a Sophocles tragedy, and a figure in Greek mythology. Rather than summarize the play, I'll just reference Wikipedia's statement that the name means "worthy of one's parents," which is sort of interesting if you view the book itself as being a part of an artistic lineage, but I don't think Willumsen would be interested in referencing that to try to prove a point that he is some kind of heir to the tradition of comics exemplified by, say, Richard McGuire. However if I wanted to interpret it that way to give this positive review a vaguely hyperbolic thesis, I could. If I wanted to point to other forebears, whose work I greatly admire, I'd point out that, on a level of how the book is actually made, the feeling that I am looking mostly at marks made with pencil makes me think about CF, while the computer-assisted shading added after the fact makes me think about Kevin Huizenga.)

The notion of unmediated experiences doesn't just relate to drugs or movies, of course. It's also about how we experience one another: How, in personal relationships, (romantic or non, or ambiguous), the way in which we view another person does not necessarily line up with how that person sees themselves. In fact, often it can be the view of a third party, if spoken aloud, that effects our interpretation of what another person is like. Those who watch a lot of movies might recognize this as the premise of the Nicole Holofcener movie Enough Said, which costars Elaine from Seinfeld and Tony Soprano, as well as Holofcener's go-to star, Catherine Keener. This shows up as a sub-theme here also, and I think it's this element that puts the book over the top for me in asserting its quality.

At a certain point in my life, I started to view "personal relationships" as the most important there is, essentially. In terms of art, insight into these areas became more affecting than, say, how a person interrogated genre. At this point, I even feel fairly resolved and at peace with death, but I know that for as long as I'm alive, how to relate to other people will remain something of a mystery. This book feels useful to me, in these instructive terms: It insists you view people on their own terms, the same way you take in the reading experience. Other books might present themselves as spectacles to be taken in, or puzzles to be solved, or as things where you are meant to relate to the main character as an author surrogate or whatever.

The other aspects of the book that boil up through its willingness to wander feel related to this notion of relating: There are interpersonal relationships, yes, but then there are questions of capitalism and desire, or how one navigates politics when those in power maintain their status by force, or questions of pet ownership. (I love the alligator the two main characters adopt and name Blade.) All the big questions are here, essentially, if you give enough of your attention to see them there: The book demands, and rewards, giving it all you have.

[fromthedeskofelizabeththird]

So this is the Bullshit

I don’t believe in call out posts. I think they’re unnecessary and usually create a tidal wave of drama over a misunderstanding or an issue that might have been resolved with a simple click of ‘unfollow’ or block’.

This is one of those instances where it is necessary. Where the actions of one person are genuinely harmful and quite likely malicious and it’s actually impossible to know the extent of everything they have done.

Before I proceed, I want to make it clear that I do not condone sending this person hateful asks-or, indeed, any- asks about their behaviour. If you wish to unfollow or block them-or not- then that is your business. But I did not make this post to encourage spiteful behaviour.

I want to thank everyone who contributed to this post, whether it was sending me data, good vibes, proofing or just cheering up my cranky butt at varying points between now and April. Without further ado:-

This is a callout post for user Vallanoble, for actions spanning back to February of this year.

Before I start, I need to point out a couple of things, this is a long ass story. It might take at least one session to get through all of the receipts, of which there are many.

Also: tumblr took a shit on the formatting and none of the links work now. Everything is ugly but I have a back up I’ll post when whatever weird glitch this is fixes itself.

SEVERE TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS POST

Secondly, for much of April, before this story crossed over to tumblr, Vallan went by a nickname that was an amalgamation their general location on my statcounter and the fact they had sent weird anons as opposed to their actual name. Now that the story is being publicly connected to a singular individual, I’ve edited out all references to physical locations from my data and switched out the actual place in the document with the word ‘dipshit’. Yes, this took hours. Yes. I had a LOT of help. This is in the interest of protecting user privacy, however and not dishonesty.

First things first, Dipshit anon is an overly passionate Zen fan. They don’t interact much, so tbh I never really noticed them ?? But for sure they were following me around the time of this post 

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/155205738770/1-am-i-the-only-person-who-feels-like-zen-is

(which seems to be the first they reblogged from me) and I recall they had been for quite some time at the time of this one

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/156327734615/i-love-how-you-always-take-survivors-opinions-into

which they later alluded to in a post of their own.

It’s important to actually note several things happening at this point:-

Random overly enthusiastic Zen anon exhibit A // http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/156228295970/you-know-theres-something-that-annoys-me-like

Not so rando enthusiastic Zen anon // http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/156308585305/i-have-a-question-how-did-you-interpret-zens-bad

Zen anon the third // http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/156206700610/what-are-your-thoughts-on-the-conflict-between-zen

Zen’s creepy childhood brought up with the beginnings of resentment towards a Jumin post made only shortly before

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/156210280495/honestly-im-so-glad-youre-talking-about-how

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/155500851985/what-do-you-think-to-the-thoery-that-jumin-is-a

Tbh I’m a bit annoyed that tumblr removed their historical notes from posts so I can’t actually reference stuff properly >:[, but January was a very busy month in terms of Zen anons (a pretty recent thing, so I don’t think Dipshit had been following me for THAT long??) asking me about stuff while I posted Jumin fics and other Jumin meta, all while Dipshit anon liked the posts all of thirty seconds after I answered them, which basically led me to the conclusion they’d probably been the one asking in the first place.

In January, they talked to me about fanfiction

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/156305150630/vallanoble-replied-to-your-post-wait-why-dont

This is important. At the very least please take note of the tone

In January, they were also posting this, complaining about Jumin blogs shitting on their favourite character.

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/156356257463/something-ive-noticed-is-that-almost-all-the

(I took screens in case of deletion)

This post is fine on its own, but crucial context for what came later.

By this point, I had them tagged on Statcounter, though I didn’t know about these posts until February, when this debacle happened

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/157102446080/i-looked-everywhere-my-desk-my-files-the

Tl;dr, in a conversation about how Jumin fans felt uncomfortable about a particular phone call, an anon came out of the blue to change the thread of conversation to Zen. Why is that familiar?!?

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/157093746030/just-read-through-all-the-debating-about-jumin-and

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/157097601850/the-breadcrumbs-call-is-outgoing-not-incoming

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/157098711835/im-honestly-not-trying-to-be-so-salty-but-im

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/157097035190/seven-does-make-passing-guilt-trippy-comments-in

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/157112807900/to-clarify-it-was-annoying-that-the-discussion

Take note of this post and this one

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/157112807900/to-clarify-it-was-annoying-that-the-discussion

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/157097417010/i-just-meant-during-the-conversation-about-sevens

Same day, take note of this

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/157117392193/lj-writes-shippers-my-ship-is-totally-not

(screenshot), 

plus this post from a short while earlier 

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/155827891443/what-really-irked-me-more-so-than-just-the-fact

(screenshot 1) 

(screenshot 2)

Same behaviours as before. Both resenting discussion of Jumin where relevant and blaming me personally for gross fandom behaviours I was not guilty of. I had statcounter data too (no longer unfortunately, as I have the free version), but anyway, I blocked the user and went on my merry way.

Note:- In case it is not clear, I was able to work out the identity of Dipshit and block them based on their historical activity, previous asks they had passed onto me (which in turn led to their tag on stats), stat counter data at the time of the debacle (data I don’t have anymore, but they remained tagged in April) and a cross reference of posts on their own blog.

Side note:- Here is Dipshit admitting to sending the anons (paragraph 4)

And again, (paragraph 2)

And again (paragraph 2)

And again

A n d   a g a i n

In any case. Check out these posts from March 

http://themystic-messenger.tumblr.com/post/158096675544/vallanoble-replied-to-your-post-me-i-dont

(screenshot)

, [x] 

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/158933352583/the-amount-of-hate-and-aggression-towards-people

 (screenshot)

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/158973582463/yall-rant-and-rave-about-how-rika-abused-v-and

 [x]

 (screenshot) 

and this one from April

http://themystic-messenger.tumblr.com/post/159234167469/i-rly-love-all-ur-posts-bc-i-agree-with-your

(screenshot here)

Once again, crucial context for what comes later.

Prior to JuminV week, I received this ask

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/159180924940/zenxv-and-zenxjumin

This question came off the back of this ask to Jun, which was liked by Dipshit anon.

https://xeraeus.tumblr.com/post/159177453126/what-i-was-asking-a-question

There is currently no evidence to tie the ask itself to Dipshit however, in light of what happened later, I am including that detail nonetheless.

On the first day of JuminV, this was posted

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159427686298/sees-zen-x-jumin-content-stop-that

 (screenshot here)

followed succinctly by this ask

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/159426686395/am-i-the-only-one-annoyed-about-the-popularity-of

I made the connection to Dipshit Anon after replying. Juminzen week, as far as we know, was not in the works until after JuminV week had already started. Therefore, it’s unlikely that first message is connected to it and it was sent for a different reason.

Note:- Here is Dipshit directly admitting to sending the JuminV ask Part one, part two

In any case, since I didn’t want to start ship drama, I dismissed them?? I blocked them by IP around this point.

After I responded two more responses came, citing a disability when reading and claiming to ship JuminV over Juminzen tl;dr because it was not fetishisation. I deleted both of these messages and blocked by ip. I would not have deleted them if I had already made the later connection.

I posted to twitter at this point, joking that it was the first day of JuminV and already I’d blocked the entirety of the University of Dipshit by IP.

I posted again a short while later after checking statcounter and making the connection.

Dipshit anon’s name or URL was not mentioned. The fact that they actually studied at the university was assumed, though not confirmed nor referenced by myself the tweets were later deleted and this is to the best of my recollection

Things went quiet, but then the mod of JuminZen week started liking my tweets about Dipshit anon (which in turn made me suspicious, as we did not know one another and did not talk until May). Strange asks started arriving to other bloggers in regards to JuminZen. My statcounter traffic started to spike with visits from the university of Dipshit.

In this period I made jokes about “Dipshit anon”, based on the fact that I had blocked them by ip more than once and they persisted in viewing my blog, leaving me to redirect their individual ip addresses to rick rolls, crash safari and more. In private I also complained about them, because their actions were making me uncomfortable.

They posted this on the 14th, which later made me suspicious

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159572324383/if-someone-makes-a-jumin-x-zen-week-i-will-boycott

(screenshot here)

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159700504123/wow-im-feeling-like-shit-i-want-to-die

This is what they posted on the 17th 

(screenshot here)

This is definitely about me, considering everything I’ve covered so far and this paragraph

were the same person who talked about listening to survivors expressing discomfort yet you shut me down just for not liking your fave. even when i phrased things nicely and came just to discuss things you immediately responded aggressively and accused me of trying to start drama. well im sorry that i saw you discussing similar topics and thought i could come and express my feelings to you but obviously you only care about specific instances of homophobia or problematic things that occur in the fandom if they have to do with bashing ur gross fave, jumin the ultimate misogynist han

The thing I didn’t understand was why it was framed as if friends were laughing, but

#dragzenweek

#dragzenweek was established as a joke (and regardless of opinions on the matter, it was not actually tagged with Zen’s name), but Alyx reported receiving genuinely hateful comments from fans of Zen and people who hated Jumin over it. One of them was Dipshit anon, which I pointed out at the time on twitter. Alyx posted a screenshot of a post from their notifs with Dipshit Anon’s URL blanked out and I was able to identify it. I personally feel from the manner the screenshot was edited, it would not be possible to identify the user without prior knowledge. (Please don’t take my word for this, however. Here is a screenshot)

I was in contact with other friends about Dipshit anon’s behaviour and the possibility they were connected to other current dramas (at that point, I was the only person to receive an anon in regards to JuminZen who knew where it came from) both in private and otherwise. I was concerned, but did not want to spread malicious, unwarranted gossip.

It’s important to reiterate that in any given public conversation about Dipshit Anon, they were only ever referenced as such and not as any individual tumblr user. Dipshit-originally- referred to the general location of their Ip and Anon referred to the fact they had sent an anonymous message.

I spoke to Alyx about this at the time expressing concerns that Dipshit anon thought I was perhaps connected, or at the very least somehow involved with dragzen week.

On the 19th/20th April, I made a private document, detailing everything I currently knew, with links, screenshots etc (the first draft of this document). I did not want to keep repeating the story and if I was actually going to suspect this person of behaving badly, I needed proof. This document could not be liked, reblogged etc and and was only circulated privately among friends who had been in conversation about Dipshit thus far. It was a presentation of the facts as I knew them and intended to inform, leaving everyone to come to their own judgement on the matter.

Remember that at this point, beyond sending asks to Alyx and their priors with me, we did not know for sure Dipshit was connected to other dramas and without statcounter data, there was no way to actually prove it.

On the 19th of April, Alyx posted this screenshot to twitter. 

At the time we joked about how this remark was actually unfair of both characters, as while it’s certainly true that Jumin can be quite mean to Zen, Zen is hardly kind to Jumin either. Neither the screenshot nor the subsequent thread were tagged JuminZen or Juzen. You would have had to have gone directly onto Alyx’s page to find it.

This coincides with the following twitter based traffic to my tumblr page.

Worth noting is that Alyx’s twitter is listed on their tumblr page, where they also received hateful messages about the week on the 20th of April,

 which once again coincides with twitter based traffic from Dipshit Anon. 

Considering Dipshit Anon complained on the 17th about me and my friends and then Alyx received a complaint about their hateful friends, I do not think it’s too much of a stretch to suggest a connection.

Also around the same point, off the back of sentiments from other people that someone was trying to perhaps stir bad feeling betweeen Juminzen and JuminV shippers, I commented that I knew of two potential problems in this regard, one of which was Dipshit anon who I knew for certain had sent me an ask that would have caused drama. I mentioned victim complex, by the way, as a comparison to the Juzen shippers sending asks badgering artists. I was rather suspicious that no matter how shady their behaviour, ultimately Dipshit anon would convince themselves they were doing the right thing and anyone who told them otherwise was being a bully or a homophobe, having seen such behaviour before- both from them and other fandom dramas.

Also worth noting is that my tweet was on my own personal twitter page, which is not listed anywhere and was written J*zen. It was not retweeted and no one commented on it. It would have been impossible to find without either going directly onto my page or searching Dipshit Anon.

Around the 20th, Vess confirms traffic from Dipshit anon coming through from Val’s blog. Vess continues to receive traffic from them over the next few days. This comes after a tweet expressing the belief that Dipshit anon is, in fact, more than one person. In response, I note that the messages I received (of which there were three) came from Dipshit anon, which I know for certain. I do not confirm or deny anyone else’s, however.

That same day, Gillian also questions if Dipshit Anon is making the rounds. However, I personally do not comment on that thread.

On the 21st of April, Dipshit anon posted hate directly to the Jumin Han tag because “they wanted Jumin stans to see it”

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159807410203/i-just-wanted-to-let-you-know-that-im-in-the-same

Screenshot is here

Note:- this gained a negative reaction on twitter as it broke established etiquette.

They later received an anon asking to stop sending messages.

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159834049063/look-im-not-here-to-convince-you-that-jumin-has

Screenshot is here

Note: I don’t know who sent this message. Up until this point, I had complained about them for stalking my blog, sending an ask that would have created a shit ton of drama and expressed my own concerns that they might have been doing the same to other people. None of us had mentioned sending asks about Jumin outside of that one post on the 19th, which related to askZen. This was not officially connected to Dipshit Anon at the time.

They later express righteous anger at the idea of “popular” Jumin and V stans blaming them for drama

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159834850458/apparently-someone-is-going-around-sending-angry

Screenshot is here

Note:- a quick search made it quite apparent that no ‘popular’ Jumin or V stans had referenced this blogger recently. However, this post comes shortly after dipshit anon was referenced as victim complex 101 on twitter (as dipshit anon). The connection was not made until later.

Dipshit anon claims to have been harassed, without mentioning names. 

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159836552898/leave-me-alone-i-honestly-dont-know-what-the

Could be true, considering the Jumin post, though is not tied to that and no asks are published. Feels victimized for content they post on their own blog. Also claims not to have sent anons and only have lurked in the Zen tag, which is, frankly, untrue.

Note the phrasing:  honestly how narcissistic do u have to be to think that one person who you had a disagreement with once is going around over 2 months later harassing every person who like jumin??? like???  <- this is about me

Link to Post - https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159836552898/leave-me-alone-i-honestly-dont-know-what-the

Screenshot

Note:- This message also comes off the back of me saying on twitter (not 100% seriously)  that I’m almost tempted to do a call out. Also note that this mostly came from the fact that they accused us of stalking and bullying on tumblr based on out of context comments from twitter.

Dipshit anon claims that people are spreading misinformation. 

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159838725443/honestly-i-dont-like-people-who-blame-things-on

At this point the only information being passed around is a private document containing links to legit sources that cannot be reblogged to avoid this exact thing. References being mocked, which … this blogger has not been referenced on tumblr. Has only been mocked for their efforts as Dipshit anon. Based on things they have actually done.

Screenshot is here

Dipshit anon refuses to give receipts on behaviour and references not wanting to start drama even though they spoke about boycotting an event only recently and tagged their hate that same day.

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159839414888/im-reading-ur-posts-abt-these-blogs-accusing-u-of

Screenshot is here

Dipshit anon tells another person that they have only made posts on their own blog irt Jumin, which is not true. They also say that their behaviour comes as a result of wanting their experiences as an abuse survivor to be considered. (Deleted! Screenshot available) Remember, they are not the only survivor here and they know this enough to try and use it in a vaguepost

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/156210280495/honestly-im-so-glad-youre-talking-about-how

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159700504123/wow-im-feeling-like-shit-i-want-to-die

Screenshot is here

this private post was only referenced on twitter. In replies to conversations, not all of which mentioned Dipshit anon. Usernames were not mentioned. It was not posted on tumblr. Enough said. It was at this point that everyone started to suspect they were actually watching people’s twitters.

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159839641293/whos-saying-its-you-whos-sending-the

Screenshot here

Demands information from the people supposedly sending them hate Deleted, I took a Screenshot

Posts this by way of a receipt (does not link actual users) Deleted, but I took a Screenshot

Note: You cannot just stumble across tweets !!! Also, the topic of conversation WAS Jumin. Dipshit got defensive after I refused to change the topic.

I would also speculate that this ask Alyx received on the 21st came from Dipshit anon, given these factors:

The timeline -  having asked Alyx and knowing that ask arrived somewhere between 5am and 3pm cst on the 21st of April, which places it on the busiest period of Dipshit anon’s posts that day. Between the Jumin hate and many other of their corresponding posts

the knowledge that Dipshit anon was watching our twitters

the data that proves they were watching both Vess’ blog and mine for certain

They arrived at Vess’ blog via referral from Val’s. With this in mind and the facts above, it’s not unlikely that during this period they actually lurked everyone’s blogs.

This ask arrived during a very difficult climate when Dipshit felt particularly angry and in their own words, was stressed and emotional.

Not only that, but they themselves were on the receipt of criticism for posting hate in tags on the 21st.

I did a search of their blog for mentions of Yoosung and Unknown and they have explicitly stated a dislike for the Yooran ship  (screenshot)

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159453918143/mysticmessengerspambot-gah-im-tired-of

This is speculation, but considering the evidence, I believe it is fair.

On the 22nd April, Dipshit Anon sends a message to Alyx (part2)(part 3)

They send a message to Serena shortly afterwards

Here is how the conversation goes:

S:  “I’m a bit confused about what it is you want me to tell you, honestly. I never thought that we were engaged in drama nor were we fighting, considering I’ve never spoken to you before.”

DA:  “No, I didn’t think so either. But apparently you and some others had a post listing things I’ve done and I was really confused?? There was accusations of me sending people who liked Jumin mean asks which I didn’t do? I just wanted to clear everything up and figure out where that was coming from.”

S:  “I don’t recall anyone saying that people were sending Jumin fans mean asks. Can you be more specific?”

DA: “Um, wasn’t that the entire point of what was going on though? There were tweets saying that I was sending harassment to people who like Jumin?Someone sent me a message telling me to stop sending asks to people who like Jumin which I didn’t do? And it seemed like it was from one of you guys. I could be wrong, though.”

S:  “Well, I didn’t send that message, and to my knowledge none of my friends have sent you anything.”

DA: “That was the bulk of my frustration. I saw some tweets assuming that I was sending anon asks to random people about Jumin which I didn’t do, and I was overwhelmed and upset at being told I was doing something that I didn’t.”

DA:  “Okay. Then what was all the hype about saying that I was harassing Jumin fans? And that there was a private post that apparently had a bunch of evidence that I did a bunch of things? I honestly was super confused on what everyone thought I did and that’s why I was upset.”

S: “Do you want to link me to a specific tweet claiming that you’re harassing Jumin fans, because I still do not recall anyone saying that.”

S:  Honestly, it’s really not my responsibility to entertain you, but I’m a bit tired of this and I have exams to study for so I’m going to anyway. First of all, my friends and I aren’t a hive mind. I don’t know what it is they’re saying about you at all times, and just because they say something it doesn’t mean that I personally agree with it.

Second of all, I was referencing this ask that you sent to Louise when I referred to sending asks trying to start shit:http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/159426686395/ … I’m not interested in debating whether or not that was actually your intention; it doesn’t really matter to me because that’s the effect it would’ve had when it landed in Louise’s inbox had she chosen to reply to you seriously. And I know that you were the one who sent that ask, because of this post that you made subsequently, so don’t bother:https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159700504123/wow-im-feeling-like-shit-i-want-to-die … For some reason, you chose to pretend that her response was some sort of personal vendetta against you for disliking Jumin, even though her response has nothing to do with Jumin’s character at all and simply stated that she doesn’t want to partake in an argument that’ll cause friction with JuminZen fans. And then you did a whole lot of misconstruing by saying that she’s belittling you for your justified anger or not taking your experience as a survivor seriously, which is a very serious and untrue accusation to be making of a person who is also a survivor. Hence, my annoyance with you.

Thirdly, I posted my incredulity at the fact we’re the same age, because of your assertion that adults in the fandom are bullying you despite being an adult yourself, and despite the fact you aren’t being bullied. Getting blocked isn’t being bullied, it’s being ignored by someone who has no requirement to engage with you anyway. Fourth, it annoys me that you said you haven’t sent any asks about Jumin since months ago, when you just sent that JuminZen ask like two weeks ago, because that’s lying. This entire time you’ve remained anonymous in our discussions. We’ve literally been calling you “Dipshit anon”, and your url hasn’t been publicly revealed anywhere. None of this information is available to anyone except in our group of friends, since the post containing these and other links is private, and we’ve only been sending it through private messages to people we are friends with. The fact you decided to listen in on a conversation about things you really did and claim that having that conversation is bullying is your problem, not ours. Have a good night.

Screenshot of Dipshit Anon loading my blog one hour before I am referenced in this conversation

Before Dipshit Anon’s response, I learn that Vergil received a strange JuminZen ask and receive clarification that, while he did receive traffic from Dipshit (the location), the one in his askbox was Italian. Around this point we discuss potentially eliminating Dipshit from this particular inquiry, but also to keep an eye on them in case of future problems. I too received traffic from Italy recently.

Dipshit begins deleting posts off their blog around this point. (The final two on the list)

Vess confirms traffic from Dipshit anon

Dipshit Anon’s response 1,

  2

, 3

, 4

, 5

, 6

, 7

, 8

, 9

, 10

, 11

, 12

, 13

, 14

, 15

, 16

Some notes:-

In regards to point 8, this person is blocked from my blog for reasons I have already explored and it is manipulative, to say the least, to complain about my reaction to them when they had no business being in my inbox in the first place.

The phrasing of point 8 actually is very manipulative in general “oh well, she doesn’t care”. My emotional labor is not for their profit, nor consumption.

Speaking of manipulative, consider the point about age. Dipshit anon repeatedly refers to themselves as a child when they are nineteen, repeatedly complains about adult bloggers and grownups being condescending and in points 8 and 9 complains about an inherently present power dynamic that I should be aware of when speaking to younger bloggers, all while sending asks on anon. I cannot feasibly guess the age of anonymous asks.

I don’t actually remember saying anything about Zen and Seven fans on my twitter or tumblr. I also cannot find anything on my twitter about this. So. Um. Receipt?  

I believe that point 11 is true to an extent. I believe they probably found DragZen on the 17th and, from there, found Alyx’s tumblr. I also believe that from there they found Alyx’s twitter, which would give us something of a timeline so far. It certainly brings us to their angry post on the 17th, in any case.

It’s true that I identified them as Dipshit anon, but only after concluding that their URL was blanked out satisfactorily and only because Dipshit anon was the name I had been using from the beginning to identify the person that sent me a questionable ask and continue to load my blog afterwards.

The next part in 15 is just. Where do I begin? Even Dipshit is not sure whose anons I identified as theirs. As a matter of fact, I only identified Alyx’s. When Vess got statcounter, we compared data in the interest of accuracy (as I later did with Vergil), but none of this happened on my public twitter.

When Dipshit refers to Gillian receiving asks, I believe they are talking about this, which I did not confirm

Point 15/16 makes me really uncomfortable, for reasons I will come to at the end.

Here is them viewing my blog around about this time

S:  Okay, re: everything else now.

1. All right, if you didn’t consider that ask as being about Jumin then I’m fine with setting aside the idea that you lied about it. It was personally frustrating to me because I really don’t care what asks you sent about Jumin months ago, I was annoyed by the response to Louise’s way of handling the JuminZen asks from a couple of weeks ago. It’s pretty clear by now that you probably didn’t even have that JuminZen ask in mind the entire time all of this was happening, but that’s what I was thinking of in terms of everything else I posted. I have my thoughts on how the situation could’ve been handled differently by both you and me, but at this point I don’t think it matters anymore and in the interest of resolving things let’s call it a misunderstanding and move on. I already said I don’t really want to debate whether or not that ask would actually have started drama so I’m not going to.

2. I wasn’t aware of the timing of your post was after the DragZenWeek incident and not after the ask you sent Louise, but upon re-reading it makes a lot more sense in that context and I’m sorry for making assumptions. To ease your worries, Louise wasn’t stalking your blog. She has an app called StatCounter that allows her to see where people are accessing her blog from—that’s how she put together who it was that had sent her other messages prior to the JuminZen ask, and that’s how she was able to block your IP address. By the way, she also knows you’ve been bypassing her IP block to visit her blog these last few days.

I can understand why you were stressed, honestly. I disagree with the way you do a lot of things, but I’ll readily admit that I personally made a lot of assumptions that I didn’t have a real basis for making, and I’m sorry. I stand by my statement that no one claimed you were going around and harassing Jumin fans with asks, though.

To explain my own point of view, most of what was annoying *me* was that you were conflating responses to you with disliking you for liking Jumin. I can’t speak for anyone else, obviously, but I personally could not care less if you hate Jumin. Speaking for myself here, I’ve said multiple times that although Jumin is my favourite character, I’m completely sympathetic with the reasons people would have for hating him, and I’ve also said that I would never engage in a debate over him with someone who says Jumin reminds them of past abuse because that isn’t my place to speak. Most if not all of my friends have said the same or similar, and honestly, I don’t want friends that don’t have that attitude and when I dislike someone I make it pretty damn easy to tell. But you were accusing Louise of that, which I think is especially insensitive because Louise is also a survivor, and now you’re saying that you meant for all of that to apply to Alyx too—not that you need to know this, but Alyx heavily criticizes Jumin’s route for the exact reasons that you probably would. Again, it’s a very serious thing to accuse people of being abuse apologists, especially when you don’t know the situation.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but I’m sincerely sorry that you were hurt by my words yesterday, especially because some of the claims I was making were unfounded. Gossip is something I generally try to avoid, and I think this entire situation was a good reminder as to why I do that. I still don’t think this falls under the definition of bullying, but I do empathize with your perspective and I’m sorry for my involvement.

I’ll go back and delete any posts about this that were made by me. Here are my recommendations for you:

1. I don’t know if you have the extension XKit, but it allows you to blacklist certain words so that posts containing them don’t show up when you’re browsing tumblr, and it allows you to block posts that you dislike/don’t want to see. It’s a good tool to help you stay safe while navigating the site, and I think you should probably put Jumin’s name into it since you’ve mentioned that you find him severely upsetting.

2. Use the “anti” tags when you want to discuss character hate/critique, or don’t tag at all. It’s totally within your rights to critique a character, and using the anti tag means that anyone who chooses to interact with your post is consenting to do so knowing what they’ll be getting into. When you tag a post, you’re basically giving people permission to engage if they want to, so if you want to have a critical discussion about a character with like-minded people or people who disagree but are interested in having a discussion, that’s your way to do it. If you only want to discuss with like-minded individuals, you can throw on an “#I’m not interested in debating this” tag so people who disagree know to stay away. There’s a reason none of the DragZenWeek posts were tagged with Zen’s name and this is that reason.

3. This goes for both of us, but if you’re seeing something happening out of context, don’t assume that you know what the context is. You didn’t know what it was I was talking about when I discussed asks you sent, I didn’t know what you were talking about when you made that post (and I also assumed it was you sending the other asks, double bad on me). I don’t think I’ve anything more to say on this subject. If you do, feel free. Thank you for taking the time to contact me in spite of your social anxiety—I understand that that was hard to do and I appreciate it.

Dipshit Anon:

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate you clearing things up. I usually tag my posts with anti-Jumin, but at that time I was still emotional and defensive about things I previously mentioned, so I thought that tagging it would send a one time message to people that like Jumin to not harass survivors that feel uncomfortable with him about it. That’s all I wanted. It was a bad move on my part and I’ve gone and fixed it and I’m sorry.

I forgot to clarify these things - I didn’t think Alyx was being insensitive towards me being an abuse survivor - I made an error when constructing that sentence and it made it seem like I was including them in that statement. I just was upset because I was under the impression that they thought I was pathetic and attention seeking for my deleted post on DragZenWeek.

I can’t remember what exactly happened that made me say that thing about Louise being insensitive to abuse survivors and not liking me because I didn’t like Jumin, but that wasn’t about the JuminZen ask I sent or the previous one for February. It was something to do with her statement about me being attention seeking and seeing some responses to other people’s asks who criticized Jumin or something. I honestly can’t remember, and looking back at the post I don’t know why I said that, and I’m sorry.

I feel like a lot of this was due to misunderstandings by me and a little on the others sides and I reacted defensively and angrily to situations when I didn’t know the entire story. That just led to more statements and miscommunication on both sides and it spiraled out of control. Nevertheless, I apologize wholeheartedly and I appreciate you giving me a polite and courteous reply. I’ve been dealing with some tough stuff in real life for the past few months, including a traumatic brain injury, that’s clouded my judgement and made me more volatile and sensitive to criticism or what I misunderstand as negativity directed at me. I know that doesn’t excuse anything, but I just wanted to clarify that I’m not usually like this, and I usually keep to myself. I’m digressing, but I sincerely do apologize. I appreciate your clarification and will definitely do the the things you recommended. If you could, it would be very much appreciated if you could pass along my apology sentiments to everyone else that was involved. You don’t have to, and I’m not expecting them to forgive or unblock me or anything, I just want them to know that I am sorry and I’m usually a reasonable and nice person when not under extenuating circumstances.

Thank you again and I wish you the best.

Also - clarification about why I didn’t have Jumin’s name blacklisted - I’m on mobile Tumblr a lot, because it’s just easier for me to use because of a lot of convoluted reasons related to my learning disabilities and mental illnesses. But I do have them blacklisted on my computer, and when I’m on mobile if I see a particularly terrible hate post about Zen or a post that is praising Jumin but uses examples of Zen and why he comes up short in comparison, I’ll block that person. I usually don’t really care and avoid that stuff, but I have encountered several blogs in particular (none of which belong to you or any of your friends) that express extreme animosity towards people who say Jumin makes them uncomfortable or reminds them of past abuse. That’s kind of where that ask response was coming from. I just wanted people not to bug others who don’t like him. But it was done in the wrong way and I’m sorry. Also, I was only checking Louise’s blog because I was paranoid that she was going to post things about me and I wouldn’t be able to see them. I’m not going to do that anymore and I’m sorry.

And those blogs I mentioned that attack abuse survivors make numerous posts saying stuff like “if you say jumin made you uncomfortable I don’t like you” or “people who are triggered by jumin are the worst” and etc. Again, it wasn’t you or any of your friends, but some of those people who do that were really insensitive. I’m sorry for tagging the post though and getting y'all dragged into it.

Notes:-

There is a difference between EXPLAINING your actions where relevant and EXCUSING them. And excusing them is very much what’s happening here, given this phrasing:  I’m usually a reasonable and nice person when not under extenuating circumstances.

Disability or stress or emotion is not an extenuating circumstance for accusations of abuse apologism and stalking, nor is it an extenuating circumstance for repeatedly insisting on engaging in conversation with someone who has blocked you. It’s not an extenuating circumstance for flat out lying in some cases and manipulating the facts in others. It’s not an extenuating circumstance for listening on a conversation you aren’t included in and choosing to accuse the people having the conversation of bullying instead of asking for context.

Secondly, Dipshit’s comment here:  I forgot to clarify these things - I didn’t think Alyx was being insensitive towards me being an abuse survivor - I made an error when constructing that sentence and it made it seem like I was including them in that statement. I just was upset because I was under the impression that they thought I was pathetic and attention seeking for my deleted post on DragZenWeek.

Given the timeline we have so far, their post on the 17th, Alyx’s asks around that period and the traffic on my blog, I think it’s more accurate to suggest that they WERE including them and are backtracking.

Also in regards to this:  I can’t remember what exactly happened that made me say that thing about Louise being insensitive to abuse survivors and not liking me because I didn’t like Jumin, but that wasn’t about the JuminZen ask I sent or the previous one for February. It was something to do with her statement about me being attention seeking and seeing some responses to other people’s asks who criticized Jumin or something. I honestly can’t remember, and looking back at the post I don’t know why I said that, and I’m sorry.

Once again, given our timeline, the fact that if I called them attention seeking at all it wasn’t until after the 19th in replies to other people and Alyx and I chatted about Jumin on twitter on the 19th, I feel it’s fair to conclude that this could be a legitimate memory blank, but it’s more likely to be backtracking.

It’s also very clearly backtracking irt:  but that wasn’t about the JuminZen ask I sent or the previous one for February, when both are explicitly referenced in the post itself.

I usually don’t really care and avoid that stuff, but I have encountered several blogs in particular (none of which belong to you or any of your friends) that express extreme animosity towards people who say Jumin makes them uncomfortable or reminds them of past abuse.

This is the second (?) time they’ve angrily drawn other people into a conversation about unrelated topics and they have made posts about boycotting events, they tagged their hate only recently etc. I think it is fair to conclude from all evidence so far that they do care and they don’t avoid that stuff.

I’m on mobile Tumblr a lot, because it’s just easier for me to use because of a lot of convoluted reasons related to my learning disabilities and mental illnesses

I went back to count and Dipshit anon mentions their illnesses, injuries and more on seven separate occasions and always in the context of gaining pity, thereby shifting the power dynamics of the conversation.

Dipshit Anon remains blocked as of April 2017

As of 22nd of April 2017, they continue to load pages of my blog, despite their own statement that they would not:

Also, I was only checking Louise’s blog because I was paranoid that she was going to post things about me and I wouldn’t be able to see them. I’m not going to do that anymore and I’m sorry.

Also worth noting is that this traffic came through a t.co reference, which is the shortened url format from twitter.

In response to this, I made my tweets private again and removed the link to my blog from my twitter bio.

As of May 8th 2017,  they continue to load pages of my blog.

I believe this occurred because of a reblog of this post.

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/160437244740/your-recent-reblog-made-me-realise-how-mistreated

As of the 10th of May, I receive traffic on a singular VxMC-centric fic from Dipshit (the location). This traffic recurs over several days right up until the 14th.

I do not usually receive traffic from Dipshit the location with this amount of frequency. I also knew that Dipshit the person had been browsing my blog. This put them on my radar.

On May 15th 2017, I learned of this ask on Void’s blog 

http://vo-dcc.tumblr.com/post/160686201606/i-saw-you-were-one-of-the-artists-for-the-zen

(screenshot).

At the time, I had my suspicions that Dipshit might be involved and a brief check on their posts that day reveals that Dipshit did intend to submit to the fanzine.

 (Link)

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/160685696123/zen-fanzine-project

At approximately 9am that morning, I receive traffic from them on statcounter.

The interesting thing about this is that at first I was not entirely sure why this traffic happened. I do not reference anything about this incident on my blog until approximately midday, when I reblog Void’s answer to a second ask. 

http://vo-dcc.tumblr.com/post/160688531186/the-creator-of-the-zen-fanzine-did-clarify-that

(Screenshot) (Here is the time stamp of when I actually reblogged it)

From 8.30am onwards, Void and I were talking privately about the situation, at which point (a little before this conversation) 

Void referenced typing out a long post, which likely became the one they later posted. (Having chatted to Void, they later confirmed that it was in fact, already posted by the time of that screen.) This creates something of a potential timeline of Dipshit seeing the post shortly after it was posted and following through to my blog shortly afterwards. (Note: I believe I was not the only one to receive this treatment, but I’ll get to that later)

In any case. I asked Void to check if they were blocked by Dipshit and it later transpired that they were. 

I encouraged Void to get Statcounter, we compared notes and here is a full compilation of all traffic 

  from  

Dipshit received within the first day of installation. (Pls note that the date is different because of time zones. I live in Britain and for me these times are in the evening of the 15th. US people would be even further back in the day)

Here is a screen of Dipshit later admitting to sending both asks covered so far to Void

Note that I said I was not the only person whose blog potentially received attention from Dipshit as a result of Void’s posts. I believe that Dipshit actually went through the blogs of several people who either commented or expressed support for Void over the course of those few hours spanning from when they first received an ask to the 9am response.

This would not only fall in line with current evidence at hand, but also their actions in April.

Exhibit a

, exhibit b

, and exhibit c

(link)

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/160688548033/lmao-i-just-found-out-that-this-gross-person-who

 (I’m coming back to this one later)

Also take note of this reblog by user setthestarsxonfire.

https://setthestarsxnfire.tumblr.com/post/160686536882/i-saw-you-were-one-of-the-artists-for-the-zen

 (Screenshot)

They made a post a short time afterwards, further going into their feelings on the matter

 (link)

https://setthestarsxnfire.tumblr.com/post/160687270552/please-guys-dont-go-hating-on-another-person

Afterwards, they received three asks (ask a,

  ask b

and c

) (link to a,

https://setthestarsxnfire.tumblr.com/post/160689487552/juzen-is-an-abusive-ship-its-unhealthy-and

  link to b

https://setthestarsxnfire.tumblr.com/post/160690376012/oh-my-gooooodddd-did-you-just-say-that-zen-needs

, link to c

https://setthestarsxnfire.tumblr.com/post/160691061357/i-only-replied-to-part-of-your-response-because)

When reviewing statcounter data, it’s clear that Dipshit reviews the #notes of posts and flits from one blog to another.

While this was happening, I was in conversation with user mariamagica, having seen them comment on Void’s post that they knew who was sending the anons. Considering that this was the same person who had liked my tweet about Dipshit Anon way back in April, I was curious to know what they knew and if we had any shared experiences.

It transpired that Dipshit was so well known to them and had caused them so much bother that they were able to reference them by name within a matter of seconds. They sent me this screenshot sent to the askbox of the Juminzen week blog.

Mariamagica had them blocked, but I encouraged them to get statcounter and here is their Dipshit traffic from the 15th.

A short time after this, Vess and Jun confirm that Dipshit followed them that same day.

Dipshit continues to lurk my blog.

Having gone over the events of the day, I made a post at 18:46 my time. This is a soft warning and a pre-emptive call out. Up until this point I had not said anything about Dipshit anon publicly on my tumblr, but I was running increasingly low on patience. I blocked them in February and kept the details to myself at the time, but they continued. In April, we resolved it peacefully but they continued. At this point they were on strike three.

In my post, I listed three examples of asks from Dipshit. 

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/160701054230/attn-mysme-fandom

These were all examples I could confidently attribute to Dipshit and as it gained so many reblogs, I gained 

  a

    lot of traffic  

  from Dipshit 

in that period.

This traffic extends to my personal blog

I received an ask 

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/160703102265/hi-im-not-looking-to-start-drama-and-am-here-on

(screenshot, including timestamp of receipt)

-Dipshit on my blog in that exact same time frame? Check

-Not my ask but trying to pull the high ground with me about it anyway? Check

-“Please consider the abuse victims!!1″ To a survivor? Check.

-Sending a really questionable anon in general? Check.

After my response saying that if I received any more messages I would reply with their URL, Serena got a message from Dipshit, complaining that I should apologise to their friend 

for blaming them for things Dipshit had done.

This earns the biggest of sighs and rolliest of eyes from me and there are hundreds of things I could say about it, such as the sheer unlikeliness of a random mysme blogger I have never heard of before (and incidentally never blocked) showing up to send me an ask with the precise same objections as Dipshit while Dipshit is on my blog, all while having no involvement with what Dipshit is doing. Even Dipshit acknowledged they were friends and went so far as to link their Zen centric blog.

They later post the following screens to their blog, which confirm that they sent these 

asks to Stars and encouraged another person to send more: 1

,2

,3

,4

Also. This is what a receipt for blocking looks like.

However, if a chat is what’s going these days, here’s a chat

between the mods of JuminZen week 

discussing whether or not to block 

Dipshit, drafting a response and discovering they were already blocked, 

as forwarded to me by mariamagica <3

I’m especially interested by the use of the word “demonise”. Demonise only makes sense in terms of me addressing Dipshit and publishing their URL, neither of which have anything to do with their friend…who up until that message was anonymous in this conversation.

User setthestarxonfire also receives two

https://setthestarsxnfire.tumblr.com/post/160705202992/hi-there-i-just-wanted-to-check-aside-from-any

https://setthestarsxnfire.tumblr.com/post/160706326042/thanks-for-your-kind-response-and-for-being-so

asks about this in much the same vein with identical phrasing. (screenshot one) (screenshot two)

You may recall I referenced user capitolscum. That is the personal of mmscum, who I was also in touch with at this time. Through the reblogs of my Attn:-Mysme fandom post, I became aware that they too had received strange anons.

As it happened, Scum had received three anonymous asks. One

, Two

and Three

(Links: One, Two and Three)

https://mmscum.tumblr.com/post/160542799049/you-should-read-jealous-wolf-by

https://mmscum.tumblr.com/post/160544142294/i-meant-what-isnt-his-its-a-little-odd-to-say

https://mmscum.tumblr.com/post/160556930029/anonhave-you-read-either-of-those-fics-if-you

This prompted the following essay:- 1,

2,

3,

4,

5,

6,

7,

8,

9,

10,

11,

12

Which corresponded with this review on AO3 (Please zoom)

This coincides with this ask 

and this response from Scum (part one and two)

It also prompted this chat (part one)(part two)

I’m including this chat for the sole reason that this is how Dipshit described it post call out

It’s unclear what exact fic Dipshit is referring to, though Scum believes the comment they’re referring to is this one, on a fic exploring Zen’s recovery as a survivor of a traumatic incident prior to the first chapter.

There’s also this post 

https://mmscum.tumblr.com/post/160144676634/i-love-my-followers-but-this-is-the-first-time

addressing negativity in fandom (screenshot here),

 to which Dipshit anon responded twice (one, two) 

(links)

http://mmscum.tumblr.com/tagged/vallanoble

I’m including this for the sheer ridiculousness of the fact that it happened two weeks ago and shows them discouraging their own behaviour.

Scum, post callout, received this review on the same fic

Considering both the linguistical patterns and the complaints both matched Dipshit, we did a bit of investigating and if this is a coincidence it’s a very unfortunate one.  

And now we arrive at the 16th of May.

Void gets notifications from Dipshit

and their reaction 

speaks for itself.

Remember this?

Void is 17. Younger than Dipshit and a minor.

I have 

multiple visits 

from 

Dipshit that day (Is it worth me even saying it at this point? Whatever)

Here is Mariamagica’s traffic for that day (All of the ones from the university are Dipshit)

17th of May, today!

Dipshit 

is active 

on my blog and Void’s 

(The one blacked out the most.)

Scum passes on their statcounter data to me and Dipshit is not only a visitor 

but recently went through the notes of this post

http://mmscum.tumblr.com/post/160736788924/mmscum-mmscum-i-love-my-followers-but-this-is

which somewhat ironically was partially inspired by their actions.

Considering this fact and the fact that they visit my blog in the wake of this reblog

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/160765050395/fandom-commandments

(statcounter)

their subsequent blog post becomes slightly more interesting.

(Screenshot one)

 (Screenshot two)

 (link to post)

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/160777864913/if-your-let-people-ship-what-they-want-uwu

It’s past midnight now and I’m about to go to bed. I have only one thing to say on this matter, however.

The adage that the internet is not your safe space is not a suggestion that it should not be safe. It means that the internet is not the safe place of any individual person. It belongs to all of us and there is going to be opinions, ships, characters etc you do not like personally. But it is NO ONE’s job to keep you safe but your own. It’s nobody else’s responsibility to write characters as you see them. It’s no one else’s job to keep the content you don’t like off your radar or create the content that you do. There’s no justification for treating real people badly over fictional things.

A few other notes post call out:-

Dipshit remains blocked. Here is a screenshot of a message they sent to me the day after I posted the call out (part one)

(part two)

from a new blog designed to collect receipts (this is not hyperbole: screen shot one

and two

). This blog has since been deleted.  

I am not a shipper of Juzen and so bad behaviour within the community is not something I would know of immediately or in much depth, however:

Dipshit considers an anti Juzen week to educate the homophobic women who ship it.

This is an interesting one, as it coincides with the appearance of the blog juzenisgross, which specifically posted excerpts from Why does he do that (a book about abusive relationships and domestic violence) in the juzen tags on the first day of juzen week.

This is a loose thread on its own. However. This is the time stamp of the first post on the blog.

This is Dipshit on my blog.

Once again, possibly coincidence, but incredibly unfortunate if so.

Here is Dipshit continuing to send lengthy messages to content creators 1,

2,

3,

4,

5,

6,

7 

along with her refusal to blacklist tags

[ais-n]

Hi, Ais! How detailed do the mission reports have to be? I always wondered about what Sin read about Boyd's valentine mission. Was it very cut and dry, and to the point (ex."I was used as a prostitute for the first few months and they kept me high on Slide")? Or would it have been a more thorough description about being used and how Slide affected him? Would some of his resentment and anger have bled into the report or would he have hidden his feelings so as not to show any weakness?

Hi :) So, Sonny and I never specifically discussed it so I can’t say for sure. I can only say what makes sense to me, which could conceivably change if we ever talked about it and if he had a different perspective.

My thought is this: It depends but generally they’re supposed to be detailed enough to explain what happened, how, and, if known, why. In a normal mission he wouldn’t be able to write something really oversimplified but it also depends on what happened. Theoretically, though, they should objective enough to explain the situation and circumstances, but also include explanations for actions taken that may have been out of the norm or that otherwise is of note. 

MORE BELOW THE CUT - CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR FADE! (Also is long as hell jfc)

So for example, in a normal mission he might have written something like, “I entered the compound through the third door from the west on the southern side. This location was deemed ideal due to the overgrown trees which hid it from view of the cameras located at the southeast corner, and due to its proximity to the access to the basement. Upon my entry, I was met with unexpected resistance from a hostile who was in the area at a time we had noted from previous research should render this area empty. I dispatched the hostile and hid his body in a nearby room before proceeding downward.” 

And so on. The level of detail can vary if what they’re dealing with is routine expected behavior on a mission. Boyd’s more detailed because that’s his personality (he’d rather be very exact and overachieve than feel like he left something to be desired) but another agent probably could have written that same report, explaining that same situation, with something like, “I entered the compound in the predesignated location and was met with low-level resistance before proceeding to the basement.”

Both would be acceptable if the mission was successfully completed and there were no issues on it, because whether Boyd explains in detail which door he entered and why there was a hostile there, or whether another agent just says they got inside and met some minor resistance, either way the mission was successful and either way there aren’t any long term issues. If that base was blown up by the agent for example, ultimately it doesn’t matter if Boyd explains about that hostile and the specific door and etc etc, because everything was destroyed. It’s really a moot point what happened if it doesn’t affect future missions. As long as the Agency knows what happened and if they have to deal with any other shit in the future as a result of anything that happened here, and as long as the Agency knows it was successful, the level of detail can vary.

In a long term mission like the Forakis mission, I doubt the Agency expects incredibly detailed explanations of everything that occurred because that would make for a very long report. In that case, it would be more important to highlight notable events or circumstances, making sure to include anything that could be a detriment to the Agency or future missions, and overview the specifics of how the mission’s end goal was completed. All the rest of what happened isn’t as important to the Agency administration as it would be to the agent’s psychiatrist in helping them cope upon their return, but the Agency would still want to know enough to know if they have a “damaged” agent on their hands, and if they need to take extra precautions or steps in dealing with them when they return.

The Forakis mission for Boyd was a game changer in a lot of ways. It became a significant event in his life that split his viewpoint into Before Cyclone/Aleixo and After Cyclone/Aleixo. Before Slide and After Slide. This was for many reasons that you already know but it also affected the way he functioned as an agent, when he returned to find Hsin gone. He ended up becoming a “better” agent according to the Agency because he finally became consistent; finally focused fully on his tasks instead of being worried about and/or distracted by his partner -- a weakness, they ultimately would have seen it, since he was supposed to be the one who kept Hsin from being distracted, not get distracted himself. 

Another difference in how he functioned as an agent, I feel, likely was seen in his reports. Whereas before he still had enough faith and loyalty to the Agency, despite everything, that he had gone above and beyond in his documentation in his reports, detailing things that didn’t need to be detailed on the off chance it should be important to the Agency or other agents later -- after Aleixo, his reports became curt, cut down, distant. He wrote his reports more like the other agent example I listed above.

Because he no longer trusted the Agency after Aleixo. He saw them as an enemy collecting information on him to use against him later. He saw them as an organization that took those details and compiled it to sit in a database somewhere, waiting for the moment they could pull it out and twist it all together into a weapon meant to rend his heart and soul. That’s how he felt afterward; a clear departure from how he had felt before.

That distrust and disinterest in providing details includes the report he gave the Agency about the Aleixo mission, not only because of his distrust of them but also because of his hatred and resentment of what had happened. And because of the humiliation he felt, the hatred he felt toward himself, all the jumbled emotions that made him want to protect every detail of what occurred with his life, so no one could piece it all together and learn exactly how to destroy him the way he felt he’d been destroyed in Aleixo’s care. 

He wrote as short a report as he could for the Agency’s benefit; something very dispassionate, very to the point, paring the horror of those months down to simple sentences like the one you gave as an example. He probably wrote it with a bit of dissociation, maybe something like, “Sex personnel at Cyclone are controlled by the usage of XRT-330, a powerful narcotic which directly affects the central nervous system, drastically increasing libido while simultaneously removing all inhibitions. The drug is highly addictive, which makes it an effective means of control, dissuading any thoughts of escape.” before turning his attention to explaining about Aleixo in the terms of an agent assessing Aleixo’s usefulness as an informant or prisoner of the Agency.

Shapiro references that, actually-- 

"I should think the report would suffice," Boyd said. 

"The aim of the report was the mission overview and includinginformation on Aleixo Forakis," Shapiro replied calmly. "As I'm sure you recall,you didn't include many details about your treatment itself. In order to properlyhelp you, it's important that I understand what you experienced. This will alsohelp me understand any reactions you may have. In addition, talking throughit can sometimes help you deal with the repercussions." 

"You don't need more details to know what happened. I was availablefor rent day and night and expanded my skills to marketing when Aleixo tookme in. The end."

Boyd gave next to no details about what actually happened to him in his official report to the Agency, because he didn’t want anyone to know. The report made it clear the sort of area he’d been held, the general sorts of things he’d been expected to do, the way Cyclone had controlled him and the others through Slide, and contained minimal explanation of how he had come to Aleixo’s attention in the first place (namely, through Aleixo’s nephew who was a guard on Boyd’s level, and who also had been in the vehicle when Boyd was picked up originally, and who had been intrigued by him since then). In the course of explaining Aleixo’s compound and the situation with his family and more, Boyd dispassionately referenced some limited aspects of what had been expected of him in his new position at Aleixo’s home but he didn’t go into details by any means.

The Agency did have some knowledge of what transpired beyond his report, because when he first returned he was still really fucked up and he said and did things in his rehab which gave them an idea of some of it. Aleixo likely also provided some context of the sort of thing that happened in general or some of what happened directly to Boyd, in whatever conversations arose during his interrogation and/or assessment from the Agency, but the Agency would have been more focused on how to use Aleixo than they would have been on finding out details of Boyd’s experience. 

Boyd never told even Shapiro the extent of what had happened, but of all the people on compound Shapiro had the best idea. Because he was the sort of doctor who took patient confidentiality very seriously even in a twisted setting like the Agency, Shapiro never fully detailed everything told to him to the Agency, but he did provide some of the additional details in order to explain or emphasize differences in Boyd’s behavior upon his return, and warnings about what may trigger Boyd unnecessarily which could detract from his use as an agent. 

The mission report Hsin saw likely would have been the one Boyd wrote with minimal details as to the exact specifics of what happened. I’m not sure if he also gained access to Shapiro’s notes as well; he might have, at which point he would have gotten more context and more depth. No one but Boyd knows all the specifics, however, and those details will remain untold most likely. The absolute last thing Boyd ever wants is for Hsin to know more about what happened -- to learn about the things Boyd hated so much he never wanted anyone to know. 

Or maybe a better way of saying it is that Boyd distrusts everyone with the knowledge of details because he thinks they’ll use it against him, except his friends who he doesn’t want to know because he finds it humiliating, and especially except Hsin because he knows those details, that knowledge, will hurt Hsin. Even knowing as much as he does, Hsin had a breakdown. Boyd probably doesn’t specifically know that but he would guess it would affect Hsin greatly to have known even as much as he put into the mission report. And Boyd purposefully kept out the worst parts in his mission to the Agency as well as his discussions with Shapiro where possible, and Shapiro respected Boyd’s privacy by not reporting every detail he was told. Which means Hsin knows enough to know what happened and to have been devastated and infuriated by it, but not so much he has to be plagued by the details of what exactly occurred the entire time. 

As a side note -- The person aside from Boyd who knew the most is probably Aleixo. Whereas Boyd kept the details close to his heart to protect himself and his loved ones, if Aleixo had ever been within hearing distance of Hsin and knew what Hsin was to Boyd, he would have reveled in the chance to list in excruciating detail everything he did and had done to Boyd just to see Boyd in pain, to see the panic and fear and hatred in his eyes, knowing Hsin would learn all the things Boyd didn’t want him to learn. He would enjoy the idea of trying to destroy their relationship or at least the ease of it. He would want to see Hsin look at Boyd in a different way. Probably Hsin would just get pissed at Aleixo and not treat Boyd any differently, but Aleixo would want to destroy what they have, and even if Hsin didn’t react the way Aleixo wanted, it would be enough to Aleixo to violate that last bit of privacy Boyd had, to try to twist the knife in deeper and hurt him in all the ways he knows how. No matter how Hsin responded, Boyd would still react with panic, and that distress and visceral pain would make it worth it to Aleixo. 

I actually kind of wanted that to happen, tbh -- I wanted to find a way to have Aleixo and Boyd meet back at the Agency, to see if they could have a conversation whether or not Hsin was around. I even started to write a side story where I could show Boyd and Aleixo having to interact before the whole Danny thing was resolved, with Hsin nowhere around--just them, Aleixo trying to take control and Boyd finding a way to fight his former captor. It didn’t work out, though--there wasn’t really a good place to put it, and it didn’t really make sense for them to find a way to meet, and I didn’t really like the story I’d started to write, so I had to leave it without that interaction. 

But I wanted to include that side note in case for some reason someone ever reads this who is planning some fanfic or something, and they were trying to think of things likely to happen. Just an FYI to that sort of person or sense of curiosity: Aleixo would want to take control back from Boyd and fuck him over with it however possible as a means of revenge and to force him back down in his mind to the servitude Aleixo believes he deserves, because he’s resentful and angry of Boyd and wants to hurt him for destroying Aleixo’s life. Damaging the relationship that let Boyd complete the mission would be a poetic way to do so from his point of view, because it would be a way of taking the last sense of freedom away from Boyd even if Aleixo himself was imprisoned and Boyd was able to walk free. If that makes sense.

Anyway hopefully that answers your question... I rambled like hell, as usual. Sorry ^^;