#and not prioritize romance over platonic relationships???

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

fanon BFS: glimmer and bow are madly in love and adora feels left out :((( adora misses catra so much bc glimmer and bow don't care about her

canon BFS: literally the three of them are so close, they are RIDE OR DIE for one another and if anything, bow is the third wheeler sometimes. also adora rarely ever mentions catra in a casual setting or reminisces their past relationship.

[zannolin]

i can admit to myself i like slowburn because i'm more interested in the friendship and non-sexual intimacy aspects of the ships i like than the actual romance. i can be honest.

[dicipher]

I think an interesting idea- considering some people argue that there isn't much romance in homicipher, is that this game IS full of love, just not traditional kinds. Variety! Woo!

"Unconditional love, simply put, is love without strings attached. It's love you offer freely. You don't base it on what someone does for you in return. You simply love them and want nothing more than their happiness."

"Someone is said to be suffering from delusional love disorder when they feel that that their feelings of love are reciprocated, despite glaring evidence of this being not true. People with delusional love disorder often feel that other people are in love with them."

"A love-hate relationship means that you hold both positive and negative feelings toward something. In the case of relationships, a person with a love-hate relationship with their partner both loves and hates something(s) about said relationship. These feelings can be both simultaneous or alternating — someone might go from loving to hating their partner very quickly, or experience a complicated mix of both at all times."

"One-sided love, also known as unrequited love, occurs when one person has romantic feelings for another who does not reciprocate those feelings. This situation can arise in various contexts, including friendships, crushes, or even long-term relationships where one partner may not feel the same way." (Note: this refers to the player's love, not his)

"Caring, on the other hand, can be seen as a broader concept that encompasses concern, empathy, and a willingness to support and help someone. While love is often seen as a more intense and emotional state, caring can be a more practical and action-oriented expression of concern for someone's welfare." (Note: custodial as in, in charge of someone. Like a caretaker, parent, etc)

"Ludus is playful, noncommittal love. Ludus covers things like flirting, seduction, and casual sex. Ludus means “play” or “game” in Latin, and that pretty much explains what ludus is: love as a game. When it comes to ludus, a person is not looking for a committed relationship."

"Conditional love is often characterized by the idea that affection and support are given based on specific conditions being met (eg, behavior, achievements, or circumstances)." (Note: Gap's love is ironically, transactional)

"Platonic love is a type of love in which sexual desire or romantic features are nonexistent or have been suppressed, sublimated, or purgated, but it means more than simple friendship" (extra: "Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others."

"Childish/child-like love is blind. It buys love and doesn't hesitate to manipulate in order to do so. Childish love tends to control and hang onto and therefore doesn't set us or the people we love free." "Selfish love in a relationship is when one prioritizes their own desires and needs over their partner's. It often involves manipulating or expecting the relationship to cater primarily to one's own comfort and goals."

[8cfc00]

shaking my head as i draw ship art of two characters to indicate that i understand the harmful tendency to flatten characters via reducing them to their romantic relations and ignoring the platonic angle to their relationships, which contributes to the problematic prioritization of romance over all other forms of connection. but also i just really want to see that romantic tension

[olderthannetfic]

Quote from a post: "the things created within fandom aren’t real - an individual fic can’t cause actual, material harm to a reader, even if it contains tropes that would be harmful or distressing if they happened in that reader’s real life; an author’s use of certain tropes or interest in certain characters is not indicative of their actual morals and values in real life; thought crimes are not real crimes - but fanfiction is produced by human beings who are themselves products of the societies and communities in which we all live, and these societies and communities all have flaws and failings.

which is to say, those of us who prefer to read male friendships as romantic do need to be aware that, no matter how enlightened on gender and its foibles we think ourselves to be, we are nonetheless influenced as modern humans by a modern tendency to discourage platonic physical and emotional closeness between men - especially straight men - on the grounds that two men having this sort of relationship is inherently queer and, in being queer, implicitly sexual [an understanding of queerness which is another powerful societal influence on our thought, even if we know we don’t agree with it.]"

Okay this is from a big post from a big fandom account here please don't speculate who it is this is not about them specifically and has nothing to do with them i genuinely respect this poster and they are nothing but a supportive space and don't have any anti-nonsense. But I wanna talk about this point that they are making "the society is queering straight friendships" which is something also the anti-fujoshi crowd is saying and honestly I can't agree with that point.

I don't think its us the people who make fandom are queering the relationships between two straight men but the patriarchal system we live under and straight men themselves are doing it to themselves. They can't show love and affection to each other lest other dudes will call them gay not because there are secret fujoshis around that sexualize them. They can be vulnerable period lest everyone calls them whiney like women. I feel like (and most of the things I say here are vibes, not facts) men having close friendships with other men are green flags, and most women are excited to see men who have exact the strong relationship that are portrayed in media.

I'm confused by this talking point to be honest. I also understand that by saying everything I said above I sort of said the same thing as the original poster. In a sense that society is the problem here and we live in a society as we know, but... idk I feel like what they say is "we live in a society where everyone by default is sexualizing male friendships" which sounds like the standard anti-fujoshi talking point to me.

And regarding the point of romantic relationships being prioritized over platonic— I feel like is a complete bullshit to be honest.

Romantic relationships are prioritized over platonic ones across the board. Straight couples leave their straight friends behind when they get further into relationship too! I don't understand this impulse to constantly talk about romantic vs platonic thing when its about queer ships, and maybe there is somewhere straight ship discourse about romantic vs plantonic but its not as big as with mlm or wlw ships.

And honestly even with this take I feel like romantic relationships are also not prioritized but rather are more encouraged. And there is difference between encouraging and actually prioritizing I think.

(I want to add here that I'm not aroace so maybe its a blindspot and from that identitys point of view the dynamics might be different)

In reality I think both are equally hard to obtain and maintain. I always felt like the fandom being so shipping focused was not about people being hellbent on romance but just the fact that good love stories are few and far between both in fiction and IRL and we can't help but try to make something at least remotely good, or interesting or satisfying.

Again, my main problems is: 1) I don't agree that romantic relationships are prioritized to that high degree over the friendships like everyone claims. 2) I don't think that every single person is actually a secret fujoshi waiting to make any straight male friendship gay. 3) Fandoms are romantic ship centric because people just want more narratively satisfying romantic stories that are underrepresented in media (or they don't get to experience it IRL) rather than they are vehemently against platonic ships.

I don't know this hopefully came out coherent.

--

The person who wrote that sounds like a pretentious twatwaffle, and I am so sick of seeing otherwise reasonable people spout that crap. That's been true since the 90s and probably before.

The reality is that Western culture enshrines male friendship as the highest form of affection possible. This goes back to the Classical world. And, yes, they were probably fucking too back then, but the thing that all of the media is about is friendship.

The entire backbone of Western culture is built on the idea that men are spiritually, biologically, inherently more capable than women of this highest form of relationship. Romance is the big thing for women because we're not eligible for The Pure And Holy Friendship Between Two Men.

The epidemic of male loneliness is real, but we haven't gotten any less "Bros before hos". Fandom and m/m shipping behavior are irrelevant to this.

--

Furthermore, fandom has plenty of people who don't focus on shipping.

AO3 was built by slashers, so ship type is a top-level category, and the site obviously signals that it's about shipping and particularly non heterosexual shipping since you can filter out het.

Past sites often had more metadata that wasn't around ships (e.g. FFN's genres that work like bookstore genres) and almost never let you get rid of het. You might have been able to filter in The Gay, but straight stuff was literally unmarked.

~We do need to be aware of~

Bite me.

This naggy phrase is everywhere, and nothing good comes of it.

The only thing we need to be aware of is that Blorbo is great and s/he should be mashed together with Other Blorbo. If that's in gen adventures, you do you.

[velnoni]

Why I Can See Ford Pines as Demisexual

I see a lot of people headcanoning Ford to be ace/aro which is valid, especially after Bill joking/wondering if he's plansexual due to Ford saying he's attracted to preparation and logic. So I thought I'd toss my two cents in and say I can see him more as demisexual.

He's definitely dated before, as mentioned in the journal, but I think the guy probably struggled a lot to connect with people on a base level (whether platonic or not) due to receiving hostility towards his six fingers and not having much positive social interaction outside the family. When he did receive positive interactions, it was towards his academic endeavors (I say this, including his parents and school).

Let's not forget that the 30 years of running for his life didn't help with trusting people easily. Stan was his best friend, and maybe that could've been enough if things didn't take a hard turn for the worst. We see a few times in the journals/BOB how Ford feels lonely even when arriving in Gravity Falls. I think he really wanted companionship/friendship outside of his brother. And he had that with Fiddleford and what he thought with Bill as well. Kind of blinded him to the fact he was being used until it was too late, and that's taking into account Bill was an evil triangle con man.

Not to mention his work ethic was all over the place and lowkey unhealthy? The guy barely got any rest, I doubt he'd prioritize a relationship over his life work anytime soon or be able to manage both.

I feel like he personally puts the person's intellect, lifestyle, etc etc all into consideration as you would with a friend. Like what do you have in common or not, do you also believe in the supernatural and things like that. Literally just a friend and that would be enough, doubt he's actively looking for something more at his age— guy has a lot of catching up to do with family.

He's a smart fella, a bit too smart, but maybe comes off apathetic (as shown in the show), so maybe having someone who can handle that and clock it while not seeing it through the eyes of romance works well. And having trust issues, understandably so, would maybe have a relationship take some time regardless of what kind. He would need to build up some type of emotional bond/trust, especially after Bill.

There are some folks recently saying Ford shows symptoms of have Narcisstic Personality Disorder (NPD) which is quite interesting and after rewatching the show I can understand with the moments we were given.

But idk, when I think about it maybe Ford wouldn't mind romance if he overcame the hurdles of mistrust, certain social expectations, his own ego, better work schedule (with the help of the twins & Stan) and many more things I'd speak on in another post. But does anyone else agree? I can always make a headcanon post on what being with Ford would be like if asked in the ask box.

(I'd appreciate all the reblogs & likes please, trying to be more active :] )

[burst-of-iridescent]

No, Shipping Zutara Is Not Supporting Amatonormativity (Please Use Some Fucking Braincells For Once)

- a treatise by a severely pissed off aroace zutara shipper

since words don’t mean anything anymore (if they ever did on the esteemed piss-on-the-poor website), let’s start with a definition.

amatonormativity: the set of social assumptions that everyone prospers with a romantic relationship, thereby positioning marriage as a universal goal of adult life. amatonormativity forms the basis of several institutional structures that are built to cater to romantic bonds over all others, also manifesting in social pressure on individuals to find a romantic partner by pushing the false narrative that those who do not experience romance are automatically lonely, unhappy and unfulfilled. it is usually characterized by the prioritization of romantic love over other forms of love, particularly platonic.

the anti-zutara argument based on this is as follows: wanting zutara to happen is amatonormative because it a) devalues zuko and katara’s platonic bond b) pushes the idea that men and women can’t be friends and c) doesn’t align with the themes of the show, as romantic love was never the point of atla.

i would like to take the time today to tell you that this is some fucking bullshit, for the following reasons:

one, this may come as a shock to some of you, but zutara shippers did not invent the concept of romantic love in avatar: the last airbender. you are more than welcome to criticize the pairings of suki/sokka, katara/aang, mai/zuko, yue/sokka, jin/zuko, jet/katara, and even kanna/pakku for perpetuating amatonormativity through their unnecessary romantic subplots. and if you don’t have anything to say about any of those pairings, then here’s a word for you: hypocrite.

zk shippers are not introducing the taint of romantic love into some kind of wholesome platonic utopia where it never existed. when we say zutara should have been canon, it is a statement that ends with the implicit instead of kat.aang and mai.ko tacked on at the back because if we were going to get a romantic relationship anyway, it might as well have been one that was well-developed, narratively impactful, and thematically relevant.

two, saying zutara is amatonormative is fucking rich when the main “romance” of atla is a three season long struggle to get out of the friendzone. aang’s desire to be in a romantic relationship with katara is one of his primary motivations throughout the show, and not once does either he or the narrative ever entertain the thought that just being katara’s friend might be enough. to the contrary, aang’s crush and the potential of its reciprocation is a fundamental part of how the story gets its audience to invest in both his character and the kat.aang relationship. they want you to want him to get the girl, and that’s the driving force of the ship’s development from start to finish.

you can see the influence of this in the way people defend why kat.aang had to happen: “aang would be crushed!” “it would break aang’s heart!” “aang deserves to be happy!” and that in and of itself is more amatonormative than any version of romantic zutara, as if this idea that aang is somehow doomed to a life of misery and loneliness just because he can’t be with the girl he likes isn’t inherently based on the assumption that platonic love can’t be as meaningful and satisfying as romantic love.

three, let’s be so fucking fr: a show written by cishet men in the early 2000s was not “subverting amatonormativity” by not making zutara happen, especially not when they went for the fucking olympic gold of romantic cliches — the hero gets the girl trope — instead. otherwise, why did the entire show end with an uncomfortably long liplock? if romance would’ve devalued zuko and katara’s platonic bond, then what the everloving fuck happened to their friendship in the comics and the legend of korra?

it is blatantly false to say that zutara shippers are the ones devaluing their platonic bond when the creators did it first. they evidently don’t view zutara’s platonic bond as equal to kat.aang’s romantic one, judging by their treatment of both relationships in the comics and LOK and the fact that they talked about kat.aang “winning” the ship war in the first place. because if the two relationships were of equivalent standing, why would there be a winner and a loser at all?

amatonormativity is baked into the DNA of atla, and while some people choose to reject this framework entirely (zk friendship >>> ka romance anyday), it is also not wrong for zk shippers to be annoyed at the treatment zutara received within the context of said framework. since the creators clearly thought a romantic relationship was better than a platonic one, they could at least have picked the couple that actually made sense instead of adding insult to injury by making that romance kat.aang. it is not amatonormative to acknowledge that zutara was not afforded the distinction it should have been in the eyes of those who wrote it, because it’s obvious that the decision to keep zuko and katara’s relationship platonic wasn’t to respect their friendship, but to position them as inferior to kat.aang.

four, detractors of romantic zutara often argue that their platonic relationship is inherently better & i’ve discussed before why that isn’t the case, but i also hate this argument because it’s perpetuating the very thing that aromantic people are trying to get rid of in the first place: the hierarchization of love. it is not the “gotcha!” you think it is to genuinely state that platonic love is better than romantic love, because it’s still buying into the idea that there’s some kind of order to categorizing human relationships. the solution to amatonormativity isn’t changing what form of love gets to be at the top of the list — it’s doing away with the hierarchy entirely.

i ship zuko and katara because canon already gave me their friendship. i already know what their platonic relationship looks like and that gives me more room for imagination in developing their romantic one because it’s a place canon didn’t go.

at the end of the day, friendship and romance are just different avenues of exploring intimacy. neither is inherently more valuable than the other, and neither is inherently more problematic. and if you truly believe in dismantling amatonormative beliefs, you would recognize that making a distinction between the two is only perpetuating the problem, not challenging it.

[bloomshroomz]

Partnering aromantic writing advice

The topic of aromantic characters dating is a bit of a contentious one in fandom spaces, but I think that it can be a great way to represent partnering aros if you do it right. I'm not an author, but I am a partnering aro, so I want to give some advice (or at least food for though) to those who may want to pair aromantic characters with partners in their fictional works.

1. Start with their aromanticism first.

This is very important. Do not slap their aromanticism on as an afterthought to their relationships. Develop their aromanticism first.

How do they feel about traditionally romantic activities? Do they enjoy them? Do they feel indifferent to them? Are they averse to them? Do they perceive those actions as inherently romantic in nature, or do they not? Does it depend on the action?

How do they experience attraction? Do they experience some amount of romantic attraction, or none at all? Does it happen only under very specific circumstances? Do they experience other forms of emotional attraction, like platonic or alterous attraction? Do they experience physical forms of attraction, like sexual, sensual, or aesthetic attraction?

Why have they chosen to be partnering? Are they doing it to fill an emotional need, in a world where friends often don't prioritize each other enough? Are they doing it to fill a physical need? Are they doing it because they enjoy traditionally romantic activities, regardless of whether or not they personally view those activities as romantic? Are they doing it for financial, social, and/or medical security? Are they doing it out of social pressure? Are they doing it because they perceive no inherent difference between partnership and friendship, and don't object to either?

Are they romantically partnering, or are they partnering in a different way, such as queerplatonic partnership? Are they partnering in multiple ways? What does that distinction look like for them? Is there a distinction at all?

Do they ever feel burdened by their aromanticism because they feel like it "get's in the way" of their desire for partnership? Tread very carefully if you go this route. Do not "cure" their aromanticism. Try to build towards self acceptance.

Aromantic people can date, but our aromanticism can and often does impact how we date, and how we feel about dating. Even when aromantic people are in committed relationships, or want to be, we are still aromantic.

2. Explore how this impacts their relationships.

Being aromantic often makes dating/partnering more complicated.

Did their partner(s) know that they're aromantic when they started dating? If not, do they know now? How did that conversation go?

Did the aromantic character know about their own aromanticism when they first started dating, or did they realize it later? How did they come to realize that? If they were in a relationship at the time of realizing it, did the realization spark anxiety over the future of their relationship? Did it spark relief?

Do they experience difficulty finding partners? Is it because people are less willing to date aromantic people? Is it because of highly limited attraction? Is it because the aromantic character has very specific needs when it comes to relationships, such as needing a less common (e.g. queerplatonic) relationship, or having a lot of strong boundaries around traditionally romantic activities? Is it because their orientation is difficult to explain to potential partners? Is it a combination of factors?

3. If you're writing fanfiction, respect the aromantic character's canon identity.

If an aromantic character is canonically non-partnering, romance-averse, romance-repulsed, or similar, keep it that way. Hands off.

[bababerries]

I love pandora hearts for saying that the idea of having a “favourite person” the idea of having to be someones “favourite person and the idea that I’m nobody’s favourite person makes me feel lonely” is an extremely dangerous and toxic ideal that implies hierarchy in how you value your relationships and leads to you being tunnel visioned and codependent on others to ensure your own happiness. The idea of you needing to look over the people in your life and pick one to be the “most important” how that’ll often prioritize family and romantic relationships (I’m glad pandora hearts is a manga focused on found family and platonic love with little romance really adds to this) you ultimately do need companionship in life but it’s also okay to let people come and go. Our experiences with others effect us and help us grow but don’t define us

[many-gay-magpies]

god what really gets me about dead boy detectives and what i think i love so much about the show and the relationships in it is that like. the romantic and sexual relationships aren't portrayed as being more unique or important than the platonic relationships. they're all just RELATIONSHIPS.

charles and crystal's attraction to each other and eventual hookup isn't this big end-all be-all relationship that shatter charles and edwin's friendship and draws charles' attention away from edwin; it's just a THING that happens. they're just two people that care about each other and happen to also be attracted to each other, and a hook-up happens, then they decide that neither of them are in the right place for it and it's nothing awful. crystal kisses charles, but it isn't some big spectacle of her declaring her love for him; it's just her saying goodbye and that she cares about him, like her hugs with niko and jenny and her handshake with edwin.

edwin realizes he loves charles romantically and tells him, and charles says he doesn't really love edwin romantically BACK, but it's okay, because they still love each other so much in so many other ways that this one tiny difference could never change them—and it doesn't!! they're still just as close, still care for each other just as much, still SHOW that care for each other just as much. their relationship didn't completely end because edwin loved charles in a way charles couldn't reciprocate, but at the same time it isn't "solved" by edwin getting over it, because there's nothing TO solve. it's just another type of love, added to everything that already exists between them. and they have LITERALLY FOREVER to figure out what it means.

the relationships between edwin & niko, crystal & niko, and crystal & edwin aren't given any less weight for being solely platonic, just as charles & crystal's relationship and edwin's feelings for charles aren't given (that much) MORE weight for being romantic. crystal and charles' conflict in the closet is about EDWIN, about how they're BOTH his friend and BOTH want to get him back; it has very little to do with the feelings between THEM, romantic or otherwise. similarly, the weight of charles' and edwin's relationship isn't diminished in the LEAST by charles not reciprocating the romantic side of his feelings (or SAYING he doesn't reciprocate, at least—we can all argue about the legitimacy of that in the notes).

i'm sure there are more examples than this, as well as probably some examples that CONTRADICT this, but like... by and large, it feels like dead boy detectives is a show where all the relationships are given equal weight regardless of platonic, sexual, romantic, or familial status, and as someone on both the asexual and aromantic spectrums who has struggled time and time again with shows casting out the importance of all other relationships in favor of prioritizing romance, that is INCREDIBLY refreshing to see.

[jitteryfool]

It frustrates me endlessly that a series about about a messy, dysfunctional family that nonetheless still cared for each other ended up sidelining these familial bonds in favor of stale, badly-written romances. This was something that already started bothering me in the previous season. I was not watching The Umbrella Academy because I want to see the Hargreeves stumble into a romantic relationship, I was watching it because I liked the siblings' banter, I liked the dynamic the Hargreeves had with each other, I loved seeing a show centering relationships that were not romantic because god knows the media likes to pretend romantic love is above any other kind of love.

I wanted to see the bonds the siblings have with each other deepened, explored, developed and most importantly be treated as central to the show. I don't give a rat ass about their romantic endeavors because they're not what's interesting to me, what drew me to the show. I mean, I'm fine with depictions of romance as long as it doesn't end up being the focal point of a character or the plot, which sadly is not really the case in TUA.

I want familial, platonic love to not be treated as below romance. That's why Five, the embodiment of 'prioritizing family over anything else' suddenly choosing romance over his siblings is such a slap in the face.

[aro-enigma]

It's rly annoying seeing people try to describe QPRs in a detailed way that will make sense to everyone. Like, I'll see people explain it as this intense commitment and I'll even see people say that it's prioritized over all other relationships (and that totally may be true for some and that's totally fine!!)

BUT THAT JUST ISN'T TRUE FOR EVERY PERSON'S VIEW OF A QPR. A queer-platonic relationship can be a deeply personal and different thing from individual to individual

As an aromantic with no connection to romantic attraction whatsoever a QPR is just any relationship that is outside of what is considered societally "normal". Ffs, I'd consider a noncommittal friends with benefits relationship to be a qpr for me.

Also, the whole idea of a specific relationship label making that relationship take priority just feels like repackaged amatonormativity. How about we not put relationships on a generic societal pedestal maybe? Each individual will decide for themselves what is most emotionally important to them and I think trying to explain QPRs to people as if they're romance-lite isn't the best way to go about it.

I truly think that pushing "you don't have to understand something to respect it" is soo much more important and useful for our community than making people understand every aspect of an identity

[lightningant]

I saw your thing with Snape being aro/ace and I wanna hear more about that. Specifically the reasoning behind it and then with the dynamic of him and lily :3

My reasoning is that I am aro/ace and he's my little princess.

Okay, seriously. He's derided a lot for being an incel, but what he felt was most important about his history with her is that she was the most valuable person in the world; that she was the new life he was running to, that he'd get a good job with Voldemort so he could establish magic supremacy so people like Lily and himself could cast off their muggle upbringing and flourish. He wanted to share his new life with her.

If we look at the memories, what Snape selects to describe what their relationship:

His fumbled attempt to connect with Lily over his magic, hungry for her attention

Him mentoring her with what his mother taught him (again he is hungry for Lily's attention) and his inability to understand her love for Petunia [muggles].

The splinter of Petunia and Lily's relationship, and the grounds of the Snape-James rivalry and what about James grated on Lily

Lily sorted to a different house, completely breaking down their dynamic

The beginning of Lily and Snape's splinter; that he has become obsessed with the Marauders specifically because James is in love with her, and she is frustrated Snape isn't interested in what his own friends fo. Snape prioritizes Lily not being taken away over what she has to say. See above; he doesn't understand the worth of muggles, just fantasizes about muggleborn and halfbloods like them getting to shuck their heritage and go on to greater things. Very Fuck You Got Mine philosophy.

Snape repeating his worst memory on purpose. It is humiliating but core to what happened; he is the one in the wrong, he reacted poorly, he is the cause of their parting.

And a memory of him grovelling to hammer it home. She catches him out on his Fuck You Got Mine attitude; that muggleborn who love their muggle families and indulge their muggle culture are just mudbloods, but he refuses to believe that about her, because Lily's so smart and talented and superior and destined to outgrow them. 😬

So the purpose of these memories is pretty clear, that she had been very consistent while Snape kept trying to introduce her to his fantasy of a better life that she (rightly!) didn't think very highly of. When he loses her, he goes back to live at Spinner's End, wallowing in the world he was trying to escape, because escape was no longer possible. The wizarding world no longer had anything to offer, because uplifting her was so core to how he understood it. He just didn't understand her.

I think Snape's paternalistic treatment of Lily and obsessive attitude towards James would result in more signs of desire; in fact, he is at his most ravenous for her when he is like, ten years old. After that, the one who reacts with attraction is Lily, because she's flustered by Snape being byronic and hormonal at her.

This is all to say I just think there's solid basis to read Snape's love for her as platonic, and that not undermining what he is trying to convey by selecting these memories. I'm not crazy.

Narrative-wise, as in, "what does Snape's love for Lily being platonic add to the character": I do think that this is often a cop-out to make him a more appetizing character and rescue him from incel allegations, which is kind of a bummer because... I mean, he's obsessed with James Potter's sexual fascination with Lily and is paternalistic towards her.

I think it would upset him he's not attracted to Lily.

I think he would be pretty conscious that he is a boy and he is fascinated and enraptured with a girl, and how ~obviously compatible they are~ (🙄), and that should mean they start a romance and become more intimate, but...that desire does not exist. He doesn't want to date Lily, he just wants to... [vague gesture] have her. There is no way to process his adoration of Lily; the only way to make her exclusive to himself is not something he actually wants, but that means she can't be exclusive to him, and so James Potter is free to take her in ways he can't.

I'm even willing to assume Lily was waiting for Snape to express sexual interest in her, because every word out of his mouth since the day they met has been worshiping her and talking mad shit about her suitors. And I can definitely see a lot of her dejection and hatred of him as that like, oh, so its okay to consort with mudbloods, but you could never touch one.

Which he can't really refute; what exactly is the end state of being so deeply devoted to someone platonically? Not dating, nor marriage, nor "like a sister to me" (which is just a way of saying you aren't going to date, and anyway isn't true because he's never seen her in a familial way), an eternally open, hanging question of a relationship without a knot to tie the ends together, dooming them to eventually unravel. He wants her to love him as much as she loves her future husband. That's not how things are meant to work.

And he's afraid of it, but resigned to it, and ends up just letting it unravel. He doesn't bother to understand or listen to Lily, or express what's radicalizing him (when she told him off for being friends with Mulciber, it seemed to be the first time it's ever come up), or share his vulnerabilities, because he's always viewed her as an opportunity to show how worldly and wise he is.

And as an adult, selecting those memories for Harry...He's keenly aware of that, and regrets how poorly he treated her, and yet for all the clarity he's gained... that frayed, open strand of their relationship is still drifting and unresolved.

Which is, of course, nothing like how Aberforth or Aurelius experiences aromanticism in herringverse. See what I mean about these specific headcanons being an ecosystem. They're all chewing on each other to power their own hangups. Beautiful.

[note: this can all also apply to a gay reading, but part of the terrifyingly ephemeral nature of this dynamic is that there is no new direction to head in. There is no new catharsis that explains this more-than-friendship. There is only the fact of his love, which he nonetheless bore for a lifetime.]

A bonus theory on Snape's unabashed haterism; he is not really interested in Harry because he's not interested in Lily's bloodline; she was always a future, and now that future doesn't exist, so James Potter gets to pass down his superb genes and superb pureblood privileges and superb legacy, while unremarkable inconsequential muggleborn Lily Evans dies as the wife of a pureblood bully and a scar on her son's brow.

[our-aplatonic-experience]

I'm Aplatonic and Alloromantic, and I've yet to find anybody who understands.

I feel bad when I prioritize romance over friendship. I've never felt 'I have to befriend them' Only, 'I wanna date them/ oh! They look queer or autistic and I wanna talk to them!' I have the desire to kiss all of my friends and any type of touch is registered as romantic to me, which obviously causes problems. I can't tell my friends I love them because I don't mean it platonically. I can't mean it platonically. It makes me feel like a bad person when I see aromantic people comment about how people make everything romantic/ don't value friendships. I'm sorry I don't. I can't.

I've had to hear it from non aro people too. My entire life from elementary to now has been people telling me to stop thinking about/prioritizing romantic relationships. It's TORTURE.

I'm afraid if I tell any of my friends they'll feel weird about it even though it changes nothing. I still value them as people. I just can't love them platonically. It has to be romantic.

Please tell me someone understands

.

[tommyssupercoolblog]

Also unrelated to the last Dan and Phil post but do other phannies know about queerplatonic relationships. Do they know that there is not just romantic or platonic relationships but a secret third thing. Like if Dan and Phil aren't dating they also very well could be a secret third thing. The point of QPRs is that they upset the ideas of what relationships are "supposed" to be like and what's platonic or romantic, because like, anything romantic can be platonic and vice versa because relationships are defined by the people in them. (And also some people consider their attraction in itself to be neither or both)

Like even if they DO call each other pet names and want to live together forever in the same house, or even if they want to get married, that doesn't necessarily eliminate the possibility that their relationship is a secret third thing.

I think about this a lot when I'm in the Dan and Phil tag because I sometimes see people say the sort of "friends don't do that" talk that aromantic people especially (since they're more likely to be in or know about QPRs) complain about sometimes, and like. Jokes like that are common and easy but it does make me wonder how many people haven't stopped to consider that Dan and Phil could also...be a QPR.

You don't have to be in romantic love to be life partners, and some people prioritize friendship over romance in a way that even if they do experience romance it's so low-key to them that their friends live with them more or have more stake in their lives than partners. The priorities of your relationships, like the order of what's more important, can be different depending on who you are, and so can what those relationships look like.

I'm not saying I think they AREN'T dating persay, I mean like how would I know??!!! But there are more options than yes or no, like... "It depends on whichever is funnier" or "only on Tuesdays" or "Fun sexy little gray area" or "yes and no at the same time fuck you" or "neither, actually It's digorno". There are a rainbow of possibilities, AND shrimp colors or possibilities. The possibilities are phendless

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

Don't read this. You've been warned.

SO THIS IS WHAT MOTHERFUCKING HAPPENS WHEN YOU FUCKING DEPRIVE THE FEMALE LEAD OF SCREENTIME OVER THIS NEW COMPLETELY FUCKING UNNECESSARY CHARACTER LIKE THIS MPDG

Full article in the RB notes

AFTER THIS:

IF YOU WANTED TO SHOW US WHAT HIS PERSONAL LIFE LOOKED LIKE THE RELATIONSHIP HE NEEDED TO FUCKING ATTEMPT WAS NOT OUTSIDE WORK!!! FUCK YOU, ALL! YOU TOO, CALO!

HACKS'LOVE STORY IS PERFECTLY WRITTEN AND THE FANS ARE NEVER GASLIGHTED, THEIR INTELLIGENCE IS NOT INSULTED ON A PERMANENT BASIS. THEY ARE NOT SPOONFED EITHER, THE BALANCE EXISTS AND YOU COULDN'T FUCKING WRITE IT, YOU WENT FOR THE FUCKING CLICHÉ INSTEAD:

AND THEN THIS HAPPENED:

And don't get me wrong, I ADORE JEAN, I LOVE HACKS and I even have a blog exclusively dedicated to that show I am a fan of, so having watched all 3 seasons and believing in it from day 1, IK exactly what I'm talking about. Lucia is nailing the love story because she has the ovaries to tell it, and doesn't use her writing, direction, and executive production efforts to gaslight those who tune in to see how Deborah & Ava's love story unfold. She even writes other characters who play love interests for both but does not string that along, it has a beginning a middle, and an end because she ALWAYS SUPPORTS THE ENDGAME COUPLE NARRATIVE, SHE DOESN'T TRY TO PUSH ANOTHER BECAUSE SHE KNOWS WHY THE AUDIENCE TUNES IN AND RESPECTS THAT.

And I don't think that at this point I have to make a stronger case about how much I fucking worship Sydney Adamu and will always defend her, but hey! being truthful, objective, and realistic is MY way of protecting her. Unpopular opinion? Maybe. Do I give a fuck? HAHAAAAAAAAAA GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!

So, Deborah's character is a lot more complex than Sydney's.

Deborah re-discovers her sexuality and re-defines herself as she falls in love with a subordinate and rebuilds her career after everyone left her for dead in the dust of it, and turns a cancelation around at the age of 100 years old in a world that is no longer the world she knew and made her bitch, which made her filthy rich but also cost her EVERYTHING.

Sydney, on the other hand, is this nuanced character, with a dead mom we know NOTHING ABOUT, a potentially recovered alcoholic father we know nothing about either, a past we know almost nothing about, a love life and sexuality we can guess but WE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT EITHER, with a "platonic romance with a white boy who gave her his life long dream and heart on a fucking plate" THAT NO ONE WANTS TO FUCKING EXPLORE BECAUSE THEY TRY TO SHOVE THIS MPDG WHITE GIRL CHARACTER DOWN OUR FUCKING THROATS and a bunch of other motherfucking layers that remain completely unwritten and off-screen. No screen time whatsoever for character development in S2 for Sydney, BUT THIS ONE? I EVEN HAD TO PUT UP WITH HER MOTHERFUCKING ASS!!!

So summing up: This award was taken from Ayo, not won by Jean, because Jean had a whole team having her back, Ayo was RELEGATED BY HER OWN TEAM TO PRIORITIZE A FUCKING MPDG UNNECESSARY WHITE CHARACTER, AND IF I COULD FUCKING SUE THE RESPONSIBLE ONES, FOR THIS, I 10000% WOULD.

FUCK YOU, ALL AT DISNEY WHO LET THIS HAPPEN AND DON'T EVEN GET ME FUCKING STARTED ON S3, THE NEXT AWARD SEASON WILL BE EVEN WORSE BECAUSE WE HAVE BEEN LOUD AND CLEAR FOR 2 FUCKING YEARS NOW, BUT STORER AND APPARENTLY DISNEY DON'T FUCKING LISTEN AND THEN THIS HAPPENS: