#and not necause the person here is bad

[farawaybreadohere]

well I'm going through a phase rn so /j

[oceansssblue]

Hello, I hope that you are having an amazing day. If requests are still open, I have a funny Star Wars prompt/or/oneshot if you want. You know how in Top Gun, after Maverick flirts with a lady at a bar, only to find out the next day that she is his superior officer. What about a similar situation in the Clone Wars era, in which one of the members of the Bad Batch, or one of the 501st like Fives, flirts with a female Jedi reader (who's probably in her early twenties) at the 79s, not knowing that she is a Jedi General. Only to find out the next day that she is the Jedi General assigned to them for their next mission.

Her appearance in the bar makes her look nothing like a Jedi. She just looks like a civilian until she is in her jedi robes the next day. She doesn't deliberately deceive them or anything. She just wanted to unwind after an undercover mission. She just didn't think bringing up that she is a Jedi was important, she assumed they already knew. The only hint she gave on their "date" night was a happy and playful "see you tomorrow" as they part ways to get to their respective homes/barracks. She is happy to see them the next day.

Cool fun little oneshot! Decided to go with Crosshair, seems more like his thing.

Hope you like it!

Xx,

Sky.

"SEE YOU TOMORROW"

CROSSHAIR/F REDADER 📩💖

WARNINGS: ALCOHOL, FLIRTING&TEASING.

Your muscles still ache after a two year undercover mision in Alcaz. Spending long hours of running and hiding in the capital will do that to anyone; even a Jedi. Your first mision with the Order started years ago; even if you're still young right now. Everyone starts early these days; you went from youngling to padawan and Jedi Knight in just a blink of an eye. The war makes you feel older than what you really are.

It's weird being back in Coruscant. Back in a normal setting were you don't need to constantly be aware of your surroundings –even if it's instinctual, now–; where you're not constantly in danger. Entering 79's, your eyes quickly flickering over the crowd of tipsy clones and the dance floor, a tiny smile makes it up to your face. You feel inmediately relieved, somehow. You don't need to pretend here. You don't need to be a soldier, a Jedi Knight, a General. You don't have responsabilities and lifes dangling from your shoulders. Here, right now, you can just be you, a simple girl in her twenty-two's.

Happy smile still in your face, you make your way towards the bar. You order a sweet drink light on the alcohol side to start with; turning around and taking small sips while you scan the bar distractedly. There's a few eyes on you already. Not because you're necesarily pretty –though you believe yourself to look alright–; but simply necause you're one of the few natives around here, and more so a woman. Clones will always be ever the gentleman, it's ingrained in their discipline, their sense of honor; but they're still men, real humans, and they have urges like everyone else. Like Jedis do, too, no matter what many people think.

You're not really in the mood for sex, though. You're too tired for that; your plan is to spend a few hours drinking and chatting and then return to the Temple. You've got a meeting tomorrow, and you should make sure you get your well deserved, comfortable sleep. You're almost drooling thinking of a bed already, but you'd like to unwind a bit first; even though your body is tired, you feel your mind too active to surrender to dreamland yet. Plus, you need to disconect from your previous mision and adapt to your new situation; to the new changes.

A few troopers that you had the chance to meet before starting your jump around the galaxy to serve to the Jedi and the Republic recognises you, and you quickly find yourself chatting amicably in a booth with them. They're kind, and perfectly respectful; they speak to you as if you were a normal person, though –not a general, not a Jedi–, and you soon fall into a relaxed posture and a lazy smile. None of you speak about war, about their fears and worries; but of hopes and desires, jokes and secret lovers that await for them patiently all over Coruscant. Some look flustered after realising they've confessed such things in front of you; but you just shake your head and smile. You're glad they're finding some happiness wherever they can.

On your third drink in –and probably the last one, judging by your flushed cheeks and the low hum of carefree excitement & arousal spreading inside of you– you feel another stare on you. It's heavy, it's intent so clear it's almost screaming at you; and you listen to your Jedi instincts, eyes slowly flickering around the bar to find it's owner.

You come up with a pair of dark brown eyes. They're the exact same shade of most of the clones in the GAR; and yet, it's stare so much more intense. It could almost cut through you and hit someone on the other side.

You study him curiously in the same way he has been observing you before. Even sitting down in a booth with some other soldiers, you can tell he's taller than most; the shape of his body and muscles long and thin, agile, though still strong. It's impossible not to notice the tattoo around his right eye; it fits him well, really. What surprises you most about him –besides his stare– is his hair, though; a mix of greys so pretty it almost shines under the lights of the 79's.

He's still dressed up on armour, like a lot of other soldiers on the bar. His is black and grey with a few stripes of dark red; a white skull with a "99" underneath it on his right pauldron. It's right then and there when you understand who he is, who they are; and your eyes twinkle in amusement, your smile widening. This is Clone Force 99, the squad that will be under your command. The Council told you they were different, that they had special abilities very useful for battles; but they fail to mention you they were literally, physically different as well.

You understand... Crosshair's –he must be– cautious and curious study then; he might be wanting to find out who exactly their new General is, and how does she behave when she's not on duty like everyone else.

You shoot him a grin and Crosshair's neutral, almost uniterested face turns into a smirk. He arches an eyebrow, and makes a gesture with his head; a welcome for you to join them in their table. You nod and say your goodbyes to the troopers; smiling and shooting one or two more playful comments before making your way across the room, walking confidently to this squad of extraordinary men.

"Hey there, boys" you greet them, deciding for informality in order to not spoil their night of fun from the start. "Care if I join?"

There's various reactions around the table. Crosshair looks amused. Echo and Tech are purely surprised –the later one quickly scanning you almost as if trying to find information about you with just his eyes–; while Hunter looks hesitant. Wrecker is openly excited and happy.

"Yeah, take a sit!" He pushes his brothers to one side, making room for you in the circular booth their sitting in, ignoring the other's quiet, pained grunts.

They all look a little tipsy too.

You chuckle and take the offer, letting down your drink on top of the table and sitting besides Wrecker. Crosshair arches his eyebrow again, still finding amusing how you seem confident enough in a table –a bar– surrounded by men. He likes confidence in a woman, but such levels are a bit more rare.

"Comfortable?" He asks, his voice deep and smooth, almost a lazy drawl, and you grin back at him.

"Very" you answer, emphasising your answer by taking a long sip of your alcohol and laying lazily against the booths backrest.

After holding his stare for a few seconds, you turn your attention back to the rest of the group; scanning them curiously. They do de same with you.

"So, didn't have time to do a change of clothes?" You point out. "Did you come back from a mission today, or is this just an night outfit choice?"

Wrecker laughs, will Echo and Hunter show a tiny smile. Tech is completely serious still, lost in his thoughts without tearing his eyes from you. Crosshair also stares at you.

"We came back from a mission a pair of hours ago, yeah" Hunter finally answers, relaxing slowly. "Thought we should enjoy a bit of freedom before getting back to work tomorrow".

His voice is deep as well; a bit more soft yet raspy.

"Ah" you answer, smiling guiltily. "Got it. Well, I'm not going to cut out your fun, no worries. Feel free to drink and chat as much as you like. Also... This is still a good fit. Beautiful armour, guys".

This time Tech blushes, Echo clears his throat in silence and Wrecker, Hunter, and Crosshair, all smile widely. Ah, yes, you forgot; armours are precious to all Mandalorians, including clones, and you could have very well call them...

"So you think we're hot? That it?" Crosshair drawls, eyes interested.

You laugh shrugging your shoulders. Yeah, well, you might be a little too tipsy. This is definitely your last drink if you want to keep things professional. Force knows if you weren't a Jedi and this weren't your men you'd have had already tried to take one of them home. Huh, it seems you're not as tired as you thought.

"Pretty" you correct him, if only to mock him a bit and play with him.

Crosshair's stare darkens and you can feel his arousal and want calling you through the Force.

You smile down playing with the rim of your glass distractedly, and feeling a sudden wave of shyness. Alcohol is a dangerous thing.

The thought makes you giggle a bit.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The night goes on, and you switch to a non-alcohol drink as promised to yourself. The conversation turns normal and more easy as the clock ticks by; all of them being very interesting, fun people to chat with. Crosshair and Echo are more reserved than the rest; different types of quiet observing and thoughtfullness. You suspect the second one isn't as comfortable with your presence as the rest –while you have no doubt that that wouldn't suppose a problem in battlefield, you know he's an excellent soldier–; while Crosshair... Crosshair's intentions are still quite clear.

He's bold, you have to say. Most troopers wouldn't want to risk being reported for misconduct even if they know most Jedis would just gently shut their intentions down if it were the case. Clones usually don't want to risk it; though it's evident that Crosshair doesn't think you will or plainly, doesn't care.

It doesn't bother you. He's attractive, and it feels good to be desired; you're a Jedi, but you're also just twenty-two, and you can't help it yourself. Still, you're nothing but polite to him, if only a bit of playfullness here and there. You're not going to go to bed with him, not before your oficial meeting; not while you can still resist.

You sigh with a smile.

"Well, boys, it has been a pleasure" you start, standing up and patting Wrecker's shoulder besides you. "But I think I'm gonna go and try to shut an eye. Have your fun without me, see you tomorrow!"

Tech eyes widen slightly, observing your retreating figure while Crosshair makes a move to follow you out of 79's.

Tech grabs his brother's shoulder and pulls him back down, ignoring Crosshair's almost snarl.

"She expressed her desire to go to sleep, Crosshair. Let her be" he opted to say, still not 100% sure of his theory before proving it with a quick search on his datapad.

Crosshair sighed and gulped down the remaining of his drink.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

No matter that the Batch had left 79's pretty late in the night, they were all rised and prepared to meet their new General at 0600 puntually. Their faces carried nag under their eyes and various degrees of tiredness; but they weren't being shipped anywhere, so there was no real problem with that. It was just a formal meeting so they could put a face to the name and greet each other; then they'll be left alone to enjoy the rest of their shore-leave day.

"I hope she's nice!" commented Wrecker while they waited up in a line in front of the Marauder.

Hunter hummed.

"I just hope she lets us do our thing" he muttered, clearly not very happy about the new placement.

None of them were particularly enthusiastic; they had never had a personal Jedi General before, and it would be a big change for everyone involved.

"I am confident she will" answered Tech, perhaps the only one holding positive thoughts about it. "I have thoroughly researched our General in the early hours of the morning and she has an impressive record on undercover missions and other side tasks. It seems she is usually sent on unusual requests as well, just like us. In adition, she is fairly easy going. I am positive we would all be able to adapt to each other well".

Right when Wrecker was going to ask with a deep frown etched on his face how did he know she was as "easy-going" as Tech affirmed, a female figure crossed the doors of the hangar walking towards them with wide confident steps.

Wrecker's, Echo's and Hunter's faces stared back in shock; while Tech nodded firmly as if he were explaining something to them, and Crosshair followed the young Jedi's movement full of intrigue and a masked surprise.

"Morning, troopers!" She greeted them, still a few meters away from them.

Her smile was radiant in the greyness of the hangar bay.

Crosshair leaned towards the smartest of his brothers, subtle.

"Punishment for fucking your Jedi General?" he asked in a distracted whispered, eyes never leaving the woman aproaching them.

Tech answered completely unbothered by his antics; posture firm.

"From an informal reprimand to proper decomissioning".

Crosshair smirked.

"I'll risk it".

He arched an eyebrow in amused defiance when she looked straight at him.

THE END.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Taraaa! Here it is love, hope you like it! It was a little fun cheeky thing to write :)

Not checked after finishing writing it cause I have exam tomorrow and still got a few finals left, but I hope I didn't make a lot of mistakes!

Only two more requests left before I jump onto another tbb Mermaid fic. Don't worry, yall, I will reopen requests the future, just let me survive my exams first ;)

Stay tunned!

Xx,

Sky.

Back to masterlist here:

[max003]

I know I don't post personal stuff here but I wanted to post this somewhere no one knows me so it doesn't seem like I'm attention-seeking, and in the hopes that this is relatable for someone else.

Recently my family have been going through a lot of stress recently and I get it and will always be there for all of them. However I feel that a couple of them don't understand that I have shit days, my dad sister and sometimes my mum make me feel bad for having a bad day and for crying.

A lot of the time I don't seem to have a “reason” to be upset about thing or to cry when I do. It makes it feel not so good to be in my house a lot of the time, but the other thing is that I can’t move out and I makes me get more annoyed at my family more easily necause I feel so trapped.

I really am lucky to have my family but sometimes they drive me mad.

I hope some people can relate to this and feel free to message me if you need to talk about anything.

Love you all <3

[karasunology]

⸙ ˚₊ ➷ THE MIYA TWINS & BOKUTO KOUTARO AS YOUR OLDER BROTHERS ! ❞

╰─ ─ ﾟheadcanons of the best twins & ace of my heart being your older brothers.

✐ . . . BIG BROTHER HEADCANONS.

[ OIKAWA TOORU & KAGEYAMA TOBIO VERSION. ] [ SUNA RINTAROU & KITA SHINSUKE VERSION. ]

-ˏˋ ➶ character(s) ━ bokuto koutaro, miya atsumu & miya osamu <3

[ trigger warnings ━ slight manga spoilers !! ]

-ˏˋ ✉️ REQUESTS ARE ALWAYS OPEN.

⇣ please read the RULES before requesting.

MIYA TWINS.

➜ oh my goodness, i pray so hard and dearly for your parents because y'all are WILD WILD

➜ when you guys were young, you know those videos of twins confusing their baby on who's their parent??

➜ yeah THESE TWO TRIED IT WITH YOU

➜ it was probably atsumu's dumb idea

➜ he watched it a few days ago in youtube

➜ so he suggested it to osamu which begrudgingly accepted, curious on how you would react

“ c'mon, come to big brother 'samu ”

➜ atsumu says as he stretches his arms out to you while you're oblivious poor innocent ass was doing the grabby hands to him

➜ ngl you looked so cute he felt a little guilty for what's to come

➜ while osamu sits next to him with a monotonous expression

“ no, i'm big brother 'samu ”

➜ your head spun to his direction

➜ and you're just like 👁👄👁

➜ while switching left and right in confusion as you dropped your arms down so fucking fast LMAO

➜ while atsumu was trying so hard, really he promised he won't laugh so soon, that osamu keeps pestering him to shut his bitch as up

➜ until the faintest of sobs were heard, forcing their mini argument to a halt

“ will you stay quiet ─ ”

“ ─ oh no no no, please don't cry ”

➜ osamu is in distraught because he actually doesn't know how to take care of a child crying

➜ while astumu is trying to carry you

“ hngg i ─ hic ─ want big brother 'samu ─ hic ! ”

➜ bitch almost wanted to drop you right then and there honestly

➜ he's like ??? DOES THIS BITCH EVEN KNOW I EXIST EYE??

➜ and when osamu heard you calling out to him, something in him snapped

“ i knew this was a bad idea ─ ”

➜ as he shoved atsumu off of you, hugging you as he tries to coo you, whispering “ shh . . don't ya worry, yer big brother 'samu is here ”

➜ this MANS OHMYGOD

➜ your cries seemed to have ceased as atsumu is standing there like ??

➜ i'm thEIR BROTHER TOO !!

➜ bb boy held a grudge on you for a few weeks ngl

➜ but then you grew up and now you know that you actually have two (2) big bro 'samu

➜ but more annoying & bitchy

➜ you're their favourite victim to bully

➜ well, atsumu

➜ but they won't let their teasing lead to you crying because they actually can't stand the sight of their younger sibling crying

➜ contrary to popular belief, when you realized there was another big bro 'samu, you were now attached to atsumu while he's similing smugly and triumphly at osamu

➜ atsumu would 100% be very competitive for your attention though he makes you hate him whenever he bullies you

➜ but we all know osamu hates losing

➜ so there was definitely a time of your life that their fighting over who was the best big brother

➜ ugh y'all cute cute

➜ while you're helping osamu around the kitchen, atsumu would just watch from the side lines because the kitchen is kinda yours and osamu's thing

➜ though while in his earlier years, he'd get upset because he wants you to hang out with him too :(

➜ while you have the cooking thing with osamu, you have the baking thing with atsumu

➜ shh hear me out

➜ osamu is actually not good at baking shit

➜ the first time he attempted baking was when you joined a baking club & now you're obsessed with making cupcakes and all that good good

➜ and he wanted to also try and back

➜ and how and what did he do to make your cupcakes look like dog shit was beyond you

➜ and while smelling something burning, atsumu ran to the kitchen and after realizing what osamu did

➜ he'd try and make your next batch of cupcakes presentable

➜ because he's?? actually?? good at it??

➜ and now you guys have your baking sessions and brother 'tsumu bonding time

➜ but even though you guys have other things with the other person, you guys LOVED doing chores together

➜ like, your guys' mom would make the boys clean the bathroom and before you knew it, LIKE YOU WENT THERE JUST TO TALK TO THEM WHILE THEY CLEAN, you find yourself cleaning the toilet necause atsumu ain't doing that shit

➜ washing dishes?? that as well

➜ you and atsumu would be the ones washing while osmu would do the drying

➜ 11/10 of the time would leave you guys a damped mess

➜ while cleaning the kitchen, i absoloutely headcanon, like STRONGLY

➜ that you guys would just talk either about random shit, talk shit about someone honestly, or quote reality tv shows

➜ like one thing you would be sweeping the kitchen floor,  and while sweeping, you accidentally hit the trash bin hard that the contents flew out of it as it fell down the floor

➜ and atsumu's like : “ pooja what is this behaviour?? ”

➜ then something clicked in you that made you remember that one show bigg boss something

➜ and you'd be like : “ i'm sorry i kicked it ny mistake ”

➜ osamu would roll his eyes before joining you two :  “ you can't kick it by mistake ”

➜ “ then pick it up if it bothers you ”

➜ ugh y'all aRE ICONS

➜ y'all would be at the pool and atsumu would shout “ oh no my diamond earing is gone ”

➜ and osamu would reply “ kim, there's people that are dying. ”

➜ you'll be their biggest fan in the court

➜ whenever they play with you on the sidelines something in them just snapped and they'll be scoring points by points in a row

➜ they lowkey love to show off

➜ if you're a girl, every fangirl of they have would be wary of you at first, but then realized that you were just their little sister

➜ and to their bisexual fans, they would ngl have a huge ass crush on you too

➜ and if you're a boy as well, oH MY GOD WOULD THEY HAVE FALLEN AMD CAN'T GET UP

➜ LIKE BITCH THE MIYA GENES ARE THRIVING IN THE THREE OF YOU

➜ you bet they'd be throwing hands if someone decided to break your heart

➜ though, osamu would be the more rational one

➜ if they ever meet your s/o, atsumu would want to rile them up while osamu is just being calm but the scarier one of the two?? but he knows you don't need any protecting because you know how to do it yourself & you don't have any need for that

➜ 12/10 would recommend as brothers

➜ in conclusion, you guys may not always get along, but you know damn well they care about you and would apologize right away if they did something too far. and you guys are such good sibling goals😤

BOKUTO KOUTARO.

➜ definitely know how to deal with his emo mode

➜ since you guys grew up together

➜ and sadly, you didn't have an akaashi to help you out with it while you were young

➜ like he'd be the older brother but you would probably be the more mature one

➜ but while you guys were young, he was your knight & shinning armor

➜ like when you scraped your knee while trying to catch him, he'll do a 180° and bitch has never ran faster to you than that time

➜ & if you were crying because of it, he'll make stupid jokes but it'll always make you forget about the pain in your knee

➜ and it's one of those times that you could really see that he was actually older than you

➜ then he'll piggyback you back to your house

➜ homeboy be reliable even while he was young wow

➜ and even 'till now

➜ if you ever got sick or injured

➜ or god forbid, HEARBROKEN by someone

➜ a bitch will throw hands

➜ but before that he'll make you laugh & do his best to take your mind off whatever is causing you to hurt

➜ ngl you would always look up to him, even if he may seem childish

➜ he'll hang out with you the rest of the day, he doesn't care if it's a school day, he'll drag akaashi with him

➜ my boy here GIVES THE BEST ADVICES

➜ though he may reword them differently, but his advices never seemed to fail you

➜ fights don't usually happen, and if they do they're probably serious

➜ he's the type of brother that lets you sneak out the house

➜ he'll usually back you up in everything

➜ and this bitch would take the fall for your faults

➜ ugh WE STAN

➜ but also if you sneak out the house to your significant other, bb boy has to know their number, address, occupation etc.

➜ because he ain't having a broken hearted sibling

➜ and he just wants the best for you

➜ and in the future, though he may be busy with being a professional volleyball player;

➜ he'll always have time for you

➜ he'll cLEAR OUT HIS SCHEDULE JUST FOR YOU

➜ you're that urgent to him

➜ your his first best friend before volleyball

➜ speaking of volleyball, if you aren't found in the stands in his matches ─ he'll go TO EMO MODE Y'ALL

➜ because you're usually always there in his games and it makes him give all his 120%

➜ since he's usually busy, he'll ALWAYS have those covey sisters movie nights

➜ if ykyk

➜ he's a sucker for family bonding time ogey

➜ the type to binge watch all the hsm movies & know all the lyrics to all the songs

➜ the type to defend sharpay with all his might

➜ and you guessed it right

➜ sharpay is his favourite character

➜ no one tell me otherwise

➜ THE TYPE TO DUET SONGS WITH YOU

➜ HIS FAVOURITE?

➜ EVERY SHARPAY & RYAN SONGS

➜ HE'LL BE SHARPAY AND YOU'LL BE RYAN

➜ AND THAT'S ON BOP TO THE TOP

➜ hates horror movies

➜ so if you ever watch it with him, he won't leave your side for the rest of the night & will have a sleepover on the living room

➜ f o r t s

➜ loves doing ridiculous challanges

➜ your phone would be BOMBARDED with crackhead videos of him

➜ probably broke a bone or two ngl

➜ 100/10 would recommend as a brother

➜ in conclusion, he may not always be there, and would be a bit childish & needy at times; but you know that he would step up as a big brother for you ANYDAY, ANYNIGHT, ANYTIME. because how could he want the best for you when he's not being his best on his part?

-ˏˋ playing soleil's tape ˊˎ-

[ 📼 ] . . . tumblr won't let this post show on the tags now i have to repost them all over again phew chile. watch me throw hands😤

[pink-duda]

Hello Duda! Can I ask how you got into One Piece & Marvel, along with who are your favorite characters & why? Have a wonderful day/night, sweetheart! 🌹

hello anonymous! thank you very much for the question, i think i wrote something very shallow, mainly for marvel, but oh well.

I met One Piece reading fanfic, and after reading a lot I thought I'd better start watching so no one thinks I'm a poser lol.

It's hard to pick just one, one piece has so many good characters that I love!!!

It was very difficult to choose just one to design for the blog cover, imagine now.

But Nami, Chopper and Robin definitely have my heart. I can't choose just one, sorry.

Nami necause I love her with all my heart, I can see myself in her, you know? I love her personality and her story always moves me. I think she and I get along well.

Besides Chopper being everything I like about this life, he's an amazing character with a wonderfully sad story, I just want to protect him even though he's so strong. I don't know if he would like me, but I hope so because I love him so much.

Robin because I identify a lot with the personality and I think we think a lot alike, and I think she and I would be good friends and we would have lots of philosophical conversations.

I joined Marvel fandom because of my parents, they always liked action movies and in the end I watched them together, and at some point in my life I started reading fanfics and now I'm here.

I love Bucky and Loki so much, and I can't pick just one.

Somehow I can relate to them, they've been through so much bad, and somehow they got over it, especially bucky.

Okay, I need to talk about this with my psychologist.

Also, the best fanfics are for them, it's amazing how some writers manage to do them so well.

[ceeweej]

YOU'LL EITHER GET IT OR YOU WON'T??????????

I HAVE ADHD AND I DIDNT KNOW IT UNTIL I WAS 24. OR 25. WHICH WAS ALSO THIS PAST YEAR (?) THAT I FIGURED IT OUT (?) (AND BRO I LITERALLY CANNOT PROCESS TIME AS OF MARCH 2020. LIKE IM COOL. IM WITH IT. BUT I DONT *FEEL* IT.)

IS THE REASON I'M SO /RELATABLE/ BECAUSE I SAY "Y'KNOW" A LOT?

THAT ALMOST SOUNDS LIKE A JOKE BUT IM RLY THINKING ABOUT IT BECASUSE ADDINBG "YKNOW" AFTER YOU SAY A THING WITH A CERTAIN INFLECTION CLUES THE PERSON YOURE TALKING TO INTO THE FACT THAT YOUR TONE WAS SIGNIFICANT

BTW SPEAKING OF TONE

IM NOT ACTUALLY SHOUTING. I JUST FEEL THE NEED TO TYPE IN CAPS RN. I THINK IT..... HELPS ME....? HOLY SHIT. I'VE NEVER MADE THAT CONNECTION BEFORE. IT TOOK ME LIKE. OK ITS PROBABLY BEEN 6 MONTHS OF KNOWING FOR SURE ABOUT ADHD (BUT STILL NOT *FOR SURE* FOR SURE BC LIKE I DIDNT GET A SPECIALIST EVALUATION BUT LIKE........... WE KNOW)

wERE ALL tjer FUICKING HOMESTUCK TROLLS SUPPOSED TO BE

NEURODIVERGENT. scratch that straight up every homestuck character is literally neurodivergent i will not be accepting any feedback or criticism on this point

god ansd like. listen this

im just. okay listen ig i;m not Masking my typing, let's sat. if i just keep all the tpypoos in my tpyiong there because thats hiw it ha[pens. Okay. Now I am gong Slow. I'm Wow. actually. going slow and typing right i can't. Think the same. Ialso instinctively backspace to fix typos more when going slow. ooooh..... wait. broi literlally. forgot that TYPING IS A SKILL!!!! just like! any other thing I do with my body! I was a little fucke dup internet gremlin as a child becAUSE!@! NECAUSE!!!!! I WAS BULLIED FOR BEING NEURODIVERGENT COUGH COIYGH AHEM COUGH ADSFDSHJNDFBC HFJGFKUYTLASF

omg dude like honestly thinkijg of posting this and someone reading it is acruallt so funny., is this art?> do you know what i am saying? I am not dont thing. ??????? hello? I am not doing this intentionally. I havent been able to shut my bra i n o f fffff let me go back to doing Research on..... ohhh hmy god. i mean this is how people DO IT. THIS IS WHY TUMBLR IS THE ONLY VALID PLATFORM. THE SHIT IS READABLWE!!! I CAN READ ALL OF WHAT IM TYPING AS I GO AND I CAN STREAM OF CONCHOIIUS. CONCHES. like the shell. its a pun. self conches. idk, thats what my brain says whenever i think Self Conscious. I think it's because I always mix up Conscious and Conscience. Do? Do you? YOU? I am genuinely asking like it;s gonna sound like maybe I am being weird internet Funny man. But listen, if you are reading this please tell me. I havent asked the question yet, here it is: Do you think about words in this way???? Am I literally insane! Like I make sense to em (me). Like I have to self edit every thing that comes out of my entire being. But god, doesn't everyone? Is the issue that I do it or that i'm aware of it? I'm questioning myself. i find myswlf! ASKING@!! WHYN CANT YOY JUST! DO IT! JUST DO IT FO ITY DO IT DO IT DOTI DTFHGFH

but i

i dont think i can?

and like

im...... like im fine with that. in fact i tjink it's cool and sexy of me to see things differently. i didnt say this at the start of this but i find it actuallly--

[ UJHHHHHH INSANE NOW THAST YA MENTION IT THAT I COULD WRITE AS MUCH AS I WANT ON A TUMBLR POST AND IOT JUST EXISTS LIKLE THAT. LIKE. IM SURE INSTAGRAM CAPRTIONS HAVE A CHARACTER LIMIT *EVENTUALLY?*** RI]

-- like something else i realized is. I dont think I haaaaave disassociative identity disorder. And i am fully aware that I could be overpathologizing. at present i have had *pretty severe* insomnia

i dont think much has changed ok yeah i really dont. know. im like "no, i've always felt this way. i'm normal. <3" whats disassociative identitity disorder?

i feel like it could be true that i have an Identity Disorder. i have had issues with mySelf and how i View myself and how other Perceive me and what others Think of me and. phewwww yknow???

one thing! too!

what IS mania???

that wasnt it that was something else

I DONT FEEL BAD I JUST FEEL DIFFERENT

---- ok so like this section right here is gonna be another homestuck thing:? --

god shut tf up

like it's meaning less i know it's nonsense. it's compulsive? Whatever its how im coping bc i cant fucking sleep and i hate not being able to fucking SLEEP BINGO THATS IT THERE IT IS I HAVE T R A U M A ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO SFALL THE FUCK ASLEEP

and UHHHH trauma thats mildly related to homestuck but in a way thats entirely shitty people who werent like a part of homestuck ""fandom"" per se treated me at the time i was Reading it and nothing to do with the actual comic itsef which is just forever Tainted. i had a big brain thought about epil. epidemic memory. im feeling scared? now bc i realize my mom does this exact same thing. i didn't use to. why scared? i Smoke Oui'd now and hmmmmmmHMMMM my mom made me scared of drugs. oh my god. my mom literally lied to me and i could tell but i came to the wrong conclusion? or. no i couldnt tell she was lyi

i COULD tell. I could tell that my mom, when she said that she expeimented with drugs to "see what they were like" like, she literally phrased it something like , "" i REMEMBER That. i (signaling me to me) REMEMBER (sticks out that what i (subject) (me) is doing is REMEMBERING something (use memory part of brain) (ok) (types note to myself to.... RUN THE PROCESS? BEFORE THE PROCESS STARTS? BC WOAAAHHHH BRAIN WORK. IS THAT. WHAT DOES IT SAY THAT I AM AWARE OF THAT? AM I MAKING ANY SENSE AT ALL?

this is so chaotic it's so funny to me. esp the more i focus and normally i would........ look away or dissOCIATE??? TO KEEP ZONING OUT???? AAAUUHGHHH AAAAAHHH PSYCHIC DAMAGE UNTO ME OOHHHH AAUOOWWIIEEE

but NOW im trying to be mindful and Expressive of literally how i feal with every goddamn keystroke that i have the ability to control. if u dont get it jsut move on babt there's a lot to it. mayb e iu'll reference something later that will make it make sense that's thje BEAUTY OF IT stay WITH ME on the JOURNEY i would chastise myself for Explaining it to you but god all i wamnt and strive for is to be Understood. and my system MAKES SENSE! If you let it make sense! See through the Etrrors. somer of them are because my hands are Really hurting and burning ooo aaaa but imtriyng to be mindful of it, becausde again, somrtimes i do this anyway and i just Dissociate and

wow. shit. ok. that was Hurting me. i took a break and did some stretches. could do more. should look into getting a good dication machine but. if i cant Type it i cant get my Meaning Across the same. yknow when john green margo? margot? fuck ow from uhhh

ok whatever not important i guess cabt be FUN with CARPAL TUNNEL

i have so many more thoughts but theyll have to Wait

goodnight

- its 6am!

[flyswhumpcenter]

Φάρμακον [Whumptober 2019 - Day 21: Laced Drink]

Summary: φάρμακον (phármakon): substantive neutral, Ancient Greek. Remedy, poison. A queen must have means to protect her own power and person. For Selena, whose rings shine like stars in the starry sky, it's what her jewels hide behind their flare.

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! Arc-V (Royalty/Ancient Mediterranean Sea AU) Relationships: Very implied Serena & Ruri friendship, also very implied Peregrine

Wordcount: 1.052 words

Content Warnings: Deals with poisons (y’know, considering the prompt, it’s predictable).

Notes: I have a question: are you familiar with a manga called Aoi Horus no Hitomi? I bought it under its French name and edition, "Reine d'Egypte" (a lame translation, compared to the original Japanese title, if you ask me) kind of by chance and it's since then become one of my favorite manga series of all times with Cardcaptor Sakura, Pokémon Special and FMA. I buy every new volume as soon as they come out. It's about the first female pharaoh, Hatchepsut, and how her rise to power and reign were... tumultuous, to say the least. Also it looks super fucking good.

If I bring up Aoi Horus no Hitomi, it's because this is the inspiration for this AU oneshot. I suddenly wanted to write about an Ancient Times-inspired queen and how she expressed her authority. This may be more Greek than Egyptian-like necause I'm more comfortable with Greco-Roman codes (blame it on my major), and used Serena's already Greek name (y'know, the moon, the goddess Σελήνη, etc.). Now, I have no excuse for having Ruri and Shun roam around with their very not Greco-Roman names, but fuck it, my AU my rules So in short here Selena is a moon-themed queen officially endorsed by the moon goddess Hecate, Ruri is her childhood friend-slash-servant-slash-maid and Shun is her dedicated scribe. You'll easily be able to tell where the Aoi Horus no Hitomi inspiration kicks in there if you've read the manga lol. Implied Peregrine here I come. (It can be read as just deep friendship, tho, I think).

And the title of the story, which is the first thing I actually came up with when filling this prompt, is absolutely a play on the term because φάρμακον can translate to either "remedy" or "poison" depending on the context. 

---------

A queen cannot let her guard down, can she? In a world where enemies keep rising against her, both from the inside and the outside, she must keep a careful and watchful eye on everything possible. Alas, she does not have the eyes of the gods, cannot see through all of the lies and the darkness and cannot ride on the boat of the sun; she needs to take care of this with her limited human abilities. It is but part of being a mortal in a cosmos ruled by the deities.

Like any queen, she wears bright and luxurious jewellery for most of her days and nights, earrings complementing her hair, crescent-shaped headband and crown to show her social status to all, golden necklaces and shining gems decorating her breast, bracelets colouring her wrists in bright and regal colours, rings armouring her fingers. These are more than simple, superficial decorations: they are weapons in their own right. She can scratch an assassin with the claw-shaped accessory on her right index finger and has the most efficient powders in the other rings she wore, contained under the pretty gemstones making her hands shine like the early rainbow sky.

People of the court want her dead or alive, to exert their authority on her and, in then, get the country’s power in their filthy, egotistical hands. Alas, she was raised by a cunning pedagogue and taught by the winner of the Olympic Games of his youth: she knows her environment and how her high-ranked officers act. She prefers young, low-class citizens to serve her, as they’re more diligent and more deserving of her attention, having struggled their way to the top instead of inheriting from their parents’ status to her ancestors. The son isn’t always as good or bad as the father, after all.

A noble-blooded accountant flatters her too much with empty-sounded words and verses she’s already heard or read somewhere else, gratifies her with gifts that smell like dishonesty and future treason. She sees the sharp, bright blade tied around his waist, clean and yet poor, handle made out of wood. His clothing is unnaturally crimson, colour of power in another city they have contacts with, he told her when she asked about it. Still, despite the flags this rises, she invites him to sit down at her table and invites a maid to serve them both a cup of strong-flavoured tea, waiting for him to turn an eye away during their conversations once the fuming cups are set before the both of them.

He glances at his blade, irises filling with a dark shine; she pours the powder hidden behind a sapphire into his drink.

Their conversation resumes. His words still sound empty, flatters that mean nothing, and she only listens with half of her mind. Instead, she focuses on the cup, drinking her tea with slow gulps, attention focused on the noble. He eventually puts the treacherous drink to his lips and, in a slow move of his wrist, takes a sip. His last, she knows it, as his hands go limp and he passes out. In a complacent nod of her head, she gets her maid’s attention and claps in her hands.

“Ruri, please,” she asks, the girl rushing to her side, “can you get this man to his new cell?”

“Absolutely, your Majesty.”

“I told you already, you can call me Selena when we’re alone like this. Now, if you will excuse me, I have a scribe to check on.”

The maid bows and runs out of the room, diligent as always, as the queen eyes the tea still drippling from the table. He should have known a woman endorsed by the moon would have Hecate by her side to protect her, her starry sleeves shrouded in the dark filled with tricks.

In the palace’s office, a man is slouched over a desk, a hand writing down accounts and books for the royal archives. She doesn’t need to glance over his shoulder to know this is what he is doing, because she assigned this task to him last week, and he’s been nothing but serious about it since then. A bit too serious, it’d seem.

“In how long have you not slept, Shun?” She asks as she enters the room, a sly smirk on her face, her guard slightly down despite the blade she has tied around her waist and hidden away by the precious clothing and the jewels.

The scribe rises from his slouched position, obvious dark rings under his eyes, hand almost hitting the cup of water he has next to him. She slowly walks up to him, bracelets tingling, stones shining under the gentle, dim light of the candle lighting his workspace.

“Ah, your Majesty,” he replies. “I’m almost done with this manuscript. It should only take a couple of hours left.”

“I appreciate your dedication, but your queen is ordering you to bed, so could you please do so right this moment? I am afraid you have, in fact, not slept for a couple of days.”

“I have frankly not seen the sun enough to judge, your Majesty.”

“This only gives me more reasons to order you to bed, Shun.”

“I swear on my life that I’ll do so once I’m done with this manuscript.”

Selena opens her emerald ring’s cache over his cup of water while he looks over his handwriting again. For someone who seemed as rough as he was when she first hired him, his is smooth and clear. People are full of hidden talents and traits, it gladly seems.

Shortly after she’s laced his drink, he grabs his cup it in his hand and almost drinks it, only to wince when it gets close to his nose. He glances back at her, a familiar smile on his face.

“Ah, I guess that Her Majesty very much wants me to go take a rest. I’ll execute myself without making her wait any longer.”

“I prefer that.”

She gives him her hand, which he takes, his head spinning for a moment. She didn’t say that for her own good, after all, she expected that to happen. Still, she got proven right, and that’s enough for her, for now, when it’s about her personal scribe.

She blows out the candle before leaving.

[cummingforkylo]

Tw: abuse(is it abuse?), childhood trauma

This is literally the only placr i can talk about this without people i know seeing it but i had to take a math placement test for school because for some dumb fucking reason as an english major i need to take a math class. Anyway, i did so bad like didnt even get into a class bad.

Idk what to do. Math is so. Fucking triggering for me. I was homeschooled and i wanna start off by saying i loved homeschooling for the most part and i wanna do it with my kids and my mom is wonderful and i love her. But because she was dealing with three children on her own(my dad had a pretty high powered science job) and she was struggling with an eating disorder that she still wont admit she had and depression and she was cut off from family and friends necause we lived far away from everyone we knew learning math was fucking terribled

I wasnt good at math, couldnt get my times tables. we had to do times tests and if i didnt so them well or fast enough or i cried becUse of the pressure she would get angry and frustrated because she was also triggered by it. She would hit me and scream at me and some of the vicious ways she screamed at me are burned into my brain forever. The gritted teeth and the rage and the way her veins would pop out. It was RAGE. And so naturally it became VERY difficult to do math, i’d whine and cry and hate it because there was SO much pressure to do well and I couldnt. So we’d fight and i’d cry and she’d scream and smack me or pull my hair and if i ran, she chased me. If i flinched she’d mock me as if i was faking being scared or acting as if it hurt more to make ehr feel bad. I’ve never really talked about this because now i have a wonderful relationship with my mom and she is one of the most loving, kind people i know. But that person is completely incongruous with the monster i was scared of as a child

I know there were reasons why she acted the wy she. Did and i know it doesnt make it okay. I know all that but i’m still VERY triggered by math. I cant do times tables, i cant calculate tips, i count on my fingers and it’s cauee as soon as I was doing math on my own when i got older/ i cheated. I cheated because i didnt want to be screamed at. I didnt want to fight. Oh and when i was five they put me in first grade math so i was always struggling to keep up with math too advanced for me. And now here i am: trying to go to school and having to do math and having a panic attack when faced witj problems i cant do because i’m still six and being screamed at and pulled by my ear or hair or being smacked in the face for not doing the times tables right.

I really hate to post this here because this is not for the blog but i cant post it anywhere else and i needed to just…say it. So please ignore.

Also maybe this gives some scary insights into why i feel like i need to he smacked around by kylo. Who fucking knows.

[xxaysiabooxx]

Women can most definitely commit crimes rape just like men

And that is a crime. However jumping to conclusions is a crime as well. There is not enough evidence from either Melanie or Heller; however I see many people ready to kill others for picking sides. Here are a couple of my points on this:

1. Not believing a story with little detail does not make you a rape apoligist.

2. Calling someone a liar or a rapist without full facts is wrong no matter the situation

3. Calling anyone a rape apologist based off a simple decision of listening to a persons music or not is stupid and childish

4. People have a right to their own opinions (I believe Melanie is innocent; however, I am neutral until more evidence is given)

5. It is innocent until proven guilty NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND and if your only proof is word of mouth I suggest you stay nuetral. Guilty until proven innocent sounds like a good idea until it happens to you and as a person of color I resonate with this the most. Trayvon Martin and many others would still be alive if you idiots did not practice or encourage this ideology. And if you believe this is wrong please stay off my post because that is one opinion I WILL NOT RESPECT

6.Melanie has a right to stay vague. Honestly if she were posting up a storm claiming she's innocent you would still react the same way. In the end this is Melanie and Hellers fight, we have no say, we werent there. For all we know she could be gathering information or is taking good advice from her management team. Whining I'm innocent does not look good and would get her no where. We also have to respect that IF heller is lying Melanie could be very hurt (the new song showcases that) Imagine being betrayed by a friend like this, imagine having your image hurt by something you did not do, imagine feeling helpless. That's what I believe- I believe Melanie feels HELPLESS. Because no matter what she says her image will always have this dent and she will lose alot.

7. To piggyback off the end of #6 if it came out that she did this then she deserves her image ruined, but until she is proven guilty I will continue to believe she does not deserve this hate.

8. Although I am not fully on Hellers side she also does not deserve the rep of a liar or the hate as well. This is a very real and traumatizing situation for both women and we should respect that. But like i said with melanie if Heller is proven as a liar I will not respect her, if she is not I will continue to believe that she does deserve this hate.

9. Please stop shortening Melanies qoute. It's annoying and as a community that talks about abuse alot you should know that twisting someones words against them is emotionally abusive. USE THE FULL QOUTE "She never said no to WHAT WE CHOSE TO DO TOGETHER" I will respect your post alot more if you use the full qoute and still have an argument. Trust me, as a communications major and a PR aspirationalist, I know what you are doing. The not twist words to sway the audience your way, its stupid.

10. To melanie fans please stop faking evidence and tweets. It only hurts us and melanie and makes us look bad as a whole. It is really stupid. I do believe alot of you do it to have reasons to continue being fans but honestly YOU DONT NEED A REASON. listen to damn music especially if it means alot to you. Dollhouse means alot to me and i will not give up listening to the music. If shes proven guilty I will still listen and just seperate the artist from the art. It means alot to me to have something I fully resonate with me and no one will rob me of that happiness. So please, STOP FAKING EVIDENCE, I personally believe melanie is handling it proffessionally and that there will be a case soon so please let her handle it.

11. And lastly stop destroying things without proper evidence. There is no way in hell I'm destroying my crybaby jewelry necause they were gifts from a friend and it meant the world that someone even noticed I was into her music (I go to a HBCU mels music is definitely not common). Its childish and in no way hurts her or gets your point across, and will hurt IF she is proven innocent. Stop being haste and wait for evidence.

Basically, in summary... Just be nuetral and make smart decisions, and if you don't want to be nuetral be respectful and factual. A little common sense and respect goes a looong way.

[fuckblizzardbearlover]

This reminds me of ppl saying 2 adults of different ages getting together is pedophilia cus at one point in time one was a child and one wasnt. Like please learn why these things are bad (consent) i feel like we have a whole group of ppl here who do not know what grooming and pedophilia are and why its wrong

(I.e. pedophilia is wrong necause children cannot consent , not cus the person is older. Its fine if a bit weird for a 30 yr old and 90 yr old to have a relationship so long as the ppl are respectful. And ppl the same age can manipulate, gaslight and abuse each other. And young adults can manipulate and take advantage of older ones to

Its lack of consent, manipulation and violation thats bad, and pedophilia and grooming are just one form of that.

P.s. amd to be clear not trying to belittle the amount of bad press out there. There is a lot of pedo shit out there. But im like...legit worried there are going to be all these yoing adults or even teens who leave themselves open and dont see the red flags because their partner is the same or similar age. My bf is older and been betrayed and traumatized again and again. And it would be easy for me to manipulate his fears and lonelyness to get what i want. Thats why im thankful he found me, someone who wont do that. Hes told me about past partners who did and it horrifies me.

You can be taken advataged of, gaslit and abused by someone the same age . And pedophilia is wrong because children cant consent to sex, not cus "age difference" . Grooming is a form of abuse mostly caused by a power/knowledge difference. The most common power difference is age, yes. But like... a 40 ur old can groom a 35 year old at work in their work place. A 16 yr old can groom a 14 year old whonlooks up to them. Grooming is about taking advantage of someone with less power and knowledge than u so u can trick (i..e no consent) them and take advantage

Its all about consent.

First of all, it was never confirmed what Shiro and Keith’s ages where when they met so you can’t claim Keith was “literally 14”. That’s just your headcanon.

Secondly, them later getting into a relationship is not grooming. Please read up on what grooming actually is (or just stop talking about it if you’re unwilling to educate yourself on the matter).

It would be grooming if Shiro had intended to manipulate Keith into a sexual relationship and had been gaining his trust with this intention since Keith was a minor.

But this did not happen. Shiro was in a relationship with Adam at this time and his only interest in Keith was friendship.

Relationships change though and it’s very possible that this could happen with Shiro and Keith. A lot of time and a lot of events have transpired since they met.

Their dynamic has changed and feelings could develop naturally. Pursuing a relationship at this stage would not be grooming in any way.

And lastly, keep this shit out of the she//ith tag.

[normalcryptid]

I don't actually know how to write this or even where to start but I wanted to write something for National Coming Out day, write a very rambling mess of a something but a something. I guess I will just start where all good stories should, at the beginning(except my memory is bad so half of this is probably out of order, opps)

I actually had my first gay moment in kindergarten believe it or not. I don't remember a lot of it though which is typical. All I really remember is my best friend at the time told me to kiss her during nap time. I don't remember if I did but in second grade she started crying one day because I did. Yeah, that's a long time to be upset over a small kiss. I know. Children man. They are insane. But hey, go me. Starting young. I wonder what happened to her? After second grade I moved away because my parents divorced and at that age there isn't much you can do.

Except that's not the beginning so fuck that gay moment. Hell, I don't remember it and I was five so does it even count? The beginning is really April 8, 2014. Threeish years ago. That's the day I met the person who would later become my best friend, the person I tell everything to, probably the most important one of this story besides me(definitely the most important person besides me). There was also two others. We were a small group obessesed with supernatural and just generally being nerdy. I fell out of touch with most of them. I honesty don't know where it all began. Sometime in late May maybe? I kinda sorta mayne grew on crush on a girl I knew named Kelsey and was shocked because uh? Excuse me, I am not gay?( pro tip, you are hella gay) So anyways I asked said nerdy supernatural obessesed good friends of mine about it because of fucking course I did and found out lots of stuff I didn't know. Like shit dudes, half of what I know about gayness is because of these dudes. So I figured hetroflexible. Right. That's that's a thing. Maybe I should sure why the hell not? I'm hetroflexible and hopefully this fades during summer when I don't see her. Yeah, that would definitely work. (it didn't) And well that was that. I just let that be for a while. Later I changed my label to pan because damn everyone is cute. Romantically. Not sexually, you know. More on the pan part later, probably.

So while that was going on I was also wondering hey I don't really feel sexual attraction so uh friends is there a word for someone that doesn't feel sexual attraction unless they like know each other? Amd my friends(bless them) sent me all sorts of fucking refrences to demisexuality and I st there thinking alright this, this is good. So I am demi? Definitely demi. Pretty sure this happened when I was 'straight' so the only lgbt+ part of me I had was that. I could work with that. Maybe this happened in my junior year? Shit, I don't actually remember exactly. This is a mess.

So hey back to the pan part. So fucking as stated, the crush didn't go away and I didn't feel like bi fit exactly. So what do I do? Of fucking course I go to my friends. Of fucking course I do. And what do they do? Help me with the questioning and send me references to pan and poli and all fucking sorts of queer shit. And the good little person I am who wanted to figure this the fuck out necause this was stressful read the shit out of those refrences, found out pan fit and boom. I was now a little demi pancake. Except I was still mostly attracted to guys so that was my life. It was a lie. I'm gay. I don't like guys.

So uh....shit I don't know. I lost touch with all except for James, my best friend. We had a long distance relationship for like a week because fuck I hate distance and anxiety. I hated having to break it off. I still like James. Except there are a lot of reasons why I won't date him besides distance. He already knows. (Sorry James. I love you though) I also had my first girlfriend from September 22, 2015 to January 11, 2016. We didn't do shit and I mostly said yes to her asking me out because I was secretly questioning if pan still fit. I am horrible, I know. I had a big crush on this girl named Casey the whole time though which is honestly digusting. Casey is horrible. Fuck her. She hasn't been on her tumblr in about a year but I fucking hope she reads that one part. Just fuck her. She isn't important. Anyways, Mariana(my girlfriend) broke up with me after a month of her avoiding me and me being the clingy anxiety filled person that I am being full of anxiety and clingy. She did it in front of a bunch of my other friends between classes using the "it's not you, it's me" line. I went to class in shock wantimg to cry with my hands shaking. It was hard to breathe. I am pretty sure I would have had a panic attack if I wasn't so surprised. There was an odd bit of me thinking hey maybe pan doesn't actually fit amyways, maybe I am really straight and this was all a lie. I pined after a lot of boys that I think I mostly liked because my friend Kamryn did since we always seemed to have the same taste in gays. And then I graduated high school. That was that.

Then I met a girl named Hailey. She replaced Casey once I found out how childish and bitchy Casey was as my best friend in person. I just kind of adopted pan again? but never told anyone. It was just kinda there? I had a crush on Hailey too but hey she is also a bitch so fuck her too. She is only important for one thing. So basically when I adopted pan again I started looking at girls. A lot. But me neing the oblivious fucker I am didn't fucking notice until April of this year when I created a thing called the Am I gay theory or AIGT for short where I would write notes and question myself. Needless to say, I wrote one note about how guys are still cute so obviously I am not gay but girls. I came out to Hailey on May 8th, 2017. It was hard. She was the first person I came out as gay to besides James but James knew this whole time. He was always there. He is hella important. I should mention him more because he was there for all of my questioning. Bless him. So Haiely. I came out to her in my work breakroom. I couldn't say it. The words wouldn't form on my mouth. She spent most of the break complaining about her shitty boyfriend. I threw in refrences. Small ones here and there. Jokes mostly. And then one that caught her attention( I said it mostly to myself) amd she went "Wait are you a lesbain or some shit?" and I replied with "Well not how I wanted to tell you but". That would be that except she decided to tell me I should at least kiss a boy before I decide this. No. Fuck that. Fuck you. Just fuck it. The next month a came out to a lot of my coworkers and friends mostly through small jokes. No one cared. Most of them already knew. I moved jobs. Come out to my new work friends really casually. (God this is a ramblimg paragrap.) No one cared or even blinked an eye. We made jokes. We still do. All was merry. I love my new work friends. Kayla keeps asking me if I talked to any hot babes and wanting to find me a girlfriend. People there ask about my nonexistent boyfriend and I talk to kayla about it and she assures me that she never thought I was straight from the moment she walked up to me to now(of fucking course). Why does everyone there assume I have a boyfriend? I own a shirt that says I kiss girls? Just why?

So then pride cameup. Here in Virginia it is later then most prides. It is always the end of September and I asked my paretns to go because I was supportive and I had lots of friends going. I was not out to them at the time. Then ironically Kayla and I had an entire conversation where she said my paretns definitely know I am gay and I said nah they suspect but don't know. The very next day was the Friday before pride and my mom calls me into the living room to basically say hey, I know you are gay. I had to text Kayla and tell her she was right. Amd then I had to comfirm to my dad that hey, I am gay. Surprise except not really because you already knew. Apparently longer then I knew myself. (on a side note, pride was amazing and it is where I got my I kiss girls shirt. I also got a pride flag that now hangs in my window) So now I am happily out as gay.

I also don't identify as demi anymore. I am a lot more ace then I originally thought as I realized in the middle of a conversation with you guessed it James. Also I have been questioning my gender for quite a while now? Hence the Elliot thing. Everyone who knows me in person calls me Zoe so they probably question why I always put Elliot down as a name with questions and why my personal tag is el. Well, I guess you know now. I still go by Zoe so dont feel bad. Call me whatever. I am comfortable with both. I let it rest for a bit because questioning is stressful and I didn't need a label. Well guess who is back on their shit? Me. So yeah, that is my rambling mess of a coming out story so I am just goimg to wrap it up.

Have a great National Coming Out day from your local gay ace gender questioning pal, kids.

[karasunology]

YOUR BROTHER HEADCANONS ARE SO UNDERAPPRECIATED, I'M ENRAGED !1! may i request older bro headcanons like the one you dod for oikawa & tobio? but with bokuto & the miya twins? thank you lots. hope tumblr doesn't eat this ask i'll cry

⸙ ˚₊ ➷ THE MIYA TWINS & BOKUTO KOUTARO AS YOUR OLDER BROTHERS ! ❞

╰─ ─ ﾟheadcanons of the best twins & ace of my heart being your older brothers.

✐ . . . BIG BROTHER HEADCANONS.

[ OIKAWA TOORU & KAGEYAMA TOBIO VERSION. ]

-ˏˋ ➶ character(s) ━ bokuto koutaro, miya atsumu & miya osamu <3

[ trigger warnings ━ slight manga spoilers !! ]

-ˏˋ playing soleil's tape ˊˎ-

[ 📼 ] . . . hey bub! omg i have my first anon, thank you so much for loving my older brother headcanons! i love the concept and everything about. and glad that u do too <3 anyways here's your request !

-ˏˋ ✉️ REQUESTS ARE ALWAYS OPEN.

⇣ please read the RULES before requesting.

MIYA TWINS.

➜ oh my goodness, i pray so hard and dearly for your parents because y'all are WILD WILD

➜ when you guys were young, you know those videos of twins confusing their baby on who's their parent??

➜ yeah THESE TWO TRIED IT WITH YOU.

➜ it was probably atsumu's dumb idea

➜ he watched it a few days ago in youtube

➜ so he suggested it to osamu which begrudgingly accepted, curious on how you would react

“ c'mon, come to big brother 'samu ”

➜ atsumu says as he stretches his arms out to you while you're oblivious poor innocent ass was doing the grabby hands to him

➜ ngl you looked so cute he felt a little guilty for what's to come

➜ while osamu sits next to him with a monotonous expression

“ no, i'm big brother 'samu ”

➜ your head spun to his direction

➜ and you're just like 👁👄👁

➜ while switching left and right in confusion as you dropped your arms down so fucking fast LMAO

➜ while atsumu was trying so hard, really he promised he won't laugh so soon, that osamu keeps pestering him to shut his bitch as up

➜ until the faintest of sobs were heard, forcing their mini argument to a halt

“ will you stay quiet ─ ”

“ ─ oh no no no, please don't cry ”

➜ osamu is in distraught because he actually doesn't know how to take care of a child crying

➜ while astumu is trying to carry you

“ hngg i ─ hic ─ want big brother 'samu ─ hic ! ”

➜ bitch almost wanted to drop you right then and there honestly

➜ he's like ??? DOES THIS BITCH EVEN KNOW I EXIST EYE??

➜ and when osamu heard you calling out to him, something in him snapped

“ i knew this was a bad idea ─ ”

➜ as he shoved atsumu off of you, hugging you as he tries to coo you, whispering “ shh . . don't ya worry, yer big brother 'samu is here ”

➜ this MANS OHMYGOD

➜ your cries seemed to have ceased as atsumu is standing there like ??

➜ i'm thEIR BROTHER TOO !!

➜ bb boy held a grudge on you for a few weeks ngl

➜ but then you grew up and now you know that you actually have two (2) big bro 'samu

➜ but more annoying & bitchy

➜ you're their favourite victim to bully

➜ well, atsumu

➜ but they won't let their teasing lead to you crying because they actually can't stand the sight of their younger sibling crying

➜ contrary to popular belief, when you realized there was another big bro 'samu, you were now attached to atsumu while he's similing smugly and triumphly at osamu

➜ atsumu would 100% be very competitive for your attention though he makes you hate him whenever he bullies you

➜ but we all know osamu hates losing

➜ so there was definitely a time of your life that their fighting over who was the best big brother

➜ ugh y'all cute cute

➜ while you're helping osamu around the kitchen, atsumu would just watch from the side lines because the kitchen is kinda yours and osamu's thing

➜ though while in his earlier years, he'd get upset because he wants you to hang out with him too :(

➜ while you have the cooking thing with osamu, you have the baking thing with atsumu

➜ shh hear me out

➜ osamu is actually not good at baking shit

➜ the first time he attempted baking was when you joined a baking club & now you're obsessed with making cupcakes and all that good good

➜ and he wanted to also try and back

➜ and how and what did he do to make your cupcakes look like dog shit was beyond you

➜ and while smelling something burning, atsumu ran to the kitchen and after realizing what osamu did

➜ he'd try and make your next batch of cupcakes presentable

➜ because he's?? actually?? good at it??

➜ and now you guys have your baking sessions and brother 'tsumu bonding time

➜ but even though you guys have other things with the other person, you guys LOVED doing chores together

➜ like, your guys' mom would make the boys clean the bathroom and before you knew it, LIKE YOU WENT THERE JUST TO TALK TO THEM WHILE THEY CLEAN, you find yourself cleaning the toilet necause atsumu ain't doing that shit

➜ washing dishes?? that as well

➜ you and atsumu would be the ones washing while osmu would do the drying

➜ 11/10 of the time would leave you guys a damped mess

➜ while cleaning the kitchen, i absoloutely headcanon, like STRONGLY

➜ that you guys would just talk either about random shit, talk shit about someone honestly, or quote reality tv shows

➜ like one thing you would be sweeping the kitchen floor,  and while sweeping, you accidentally hit the trash bin hard that the contents flew out of it as it fell down the floor

➜ and atsumu's like : “ pooja what is this behaviour?? ”

➜ then something clicked in you that made you remember that one show bigg boss something

➜ and you'd be like : “ i'm sorry i kicked it ny mistake ”

➜ osamu would roll his eyes before joining you two :  “ you can't kick it by mistake ”

➜ “ the  pick it up if it bothers you ”

➜ ugh y'all aRE ICONS

➜ y'all would be at the pool and atsumu would shout “ oh no my diamond earing is gone ”

➜ and osamu would reply “ kim, there's people that are drying. ”

➜ you'll be their biggest fan in the court

➜ whenever they play with you on the sidelines something in them just snapped and they'll be scoring points by points in a row

➜ they lowkey love to show off

➜ if you're a girl, every fangirl of they have would be wary of you at first, but then realized that you were just their little sister

➜ and to their bisexual fans, they would ngl have a huge ass crush on you too

➜ and if you're a boy as well, oH MY GOD WOULD THEY HAVE FALLEN AMD CAN'T GET UP

➜ LIKE BITCH THE MIYA GENES ARE THRIVING IN THE THREE OF YOU

➜ you bet they'd be throwing hands if someone decided to break your heart

➜ though, osamu would be the more rational one

➜ if they ever meet your s/o, atsumu would want to rile them up while osamu is just being calm but the scarier one of the two?? but he knows you don't need any protecting because you know how to do it yourself & you don't have any need for that.

➜ but he will step up if he needed to

➜ 12/10 would recommend as brothers

➜ in conclusion, you guys may not always get along, but you know damn well they care about you and would apologize right away if they did something too far. and you guys are such good sibling goals😤

BOKUTO KOUTARO.

➜ definitely know how to deal with his emo mode

➜ since you guys grew up together

➜ and sadly, you didn't have an akaashi to help you out with it while you were young

➜ like he'd be the older brother but you would probably be the more mature one

➜ but while you guys were young, he was your knight & shinning armor

➜ like when you scraped your knee while trying to catch him, he'll do a 180° and bitch has never ran faster to you than that time

➜ & if you were crying because of it, he'll make stupid jokes but it'll always make you forget about the pain in your knee

➜ and it's one of those times that you could really see that he was actually older than you

➜ then he'll piggyback you back to your house

➜ homeboy be reliable even while he was young wow

➜ and even 'till now

➜ if you ever got sick or injured

➜ or god forbid, HEARBROKEN by someone

➜ a bitch will throw hands

➜ but before that he'll make you laugh & do his best to take your mind off whatever is causing you to hurt

➜ ngl you would always look up to him, even if he may seem childish

➜ he'll hang out with you the rest of the day, he doesn't care if it's a school day, he'll drag akaashi with him

➜ my boy here GIVES THE BEST ADVICES

➜ though he may reword them differently, but his advices never seemed to fail you

➜ fights don't usually happen, and if they do they're probably serious

➜ he's the type of brother that lets you sneak out the house

➜ he'll usually back you up in everything

➜ and this bitch would take the fall for your faults

➜ ugh WE STAN

➜ but also if you sneak out the house to your significant other, bb boy has to know their number, address, occupation etc.

➜ because he ain't having a broken hearted sibling

➜ and he just wants the best for you

➜ and in the future, though he may be busy with being a professional volleyball player;

➜ he'll always have time for you

➜ he'll cLEAR OUT HIS SCHEDULE JUST FOR YOU

➜ you're that urgent to him

➜ your his first best friend before volleyball

➜ speaking of volleyball, if you aren't found in the stands in his matches ─ he'll go TO EMO MODE Y'ALL

➜ because you're usually always there in his games and it makes him give all his 120%

➜ since he's usually busy, he'll ALWAYS have those covey sisters movie nights

➜ if ykyk

➜ he's a sucker for family bonding time ogey

➜ the type to binge watch all the hsm movies & know all the lyrics to all the songs

➜ the type to defend sharpay with all his might

➜ and you guessed it right

➜ sharpay is his favourite character

➜ no one tell me otherwise

➜ THE TYPE TO DUET SONGS WITH YOU

➜ HIS FAVOURITE?

➜ EVERY SHARPAY & RYAN SONGS

➜ HE'LL BE SHARPAY AND YOU'LL BE RYAN

➜ AND THAT'S ON BOP TO THE TOP

➜ hates horror movies

➜ so if you ever watch it with him, he won't leave your side for the rest of the night & will have a sleepover on the living room

➜ f o r t s

➜ loves doing ridiculous challanges

➜ your phone would be BOMBARDED with crackhead videos of him

➜ probably broke a bone or two ngl

➜ 100/10 would recommend as a brother

➜ in conclusion, he may not always be there, and would be a bit childish & needy at times; but you know that he would step up as a big brother for you ANYDAY, ANYNIGHT, ANYTIME. because how could he want the best for you when he's not being his best on his part?

-ˏˋ playing soleil's tape ˊˎ-

[ 📼 ] . . . i'm sorry but i JUST HAD to write this out before anything else. to anyone waiting for their request to be posted some of them will be posted tomorrow, i promise aHhh. anyways check out my other big bro headcanons that i absoloutely love here.

click the link down below !

also, requests are still open; one requests = one more reason to stay sane

[justanotherdisappointment92]

So The Offender/Bully raised her voice, but my other parts cant let it out in the open when it comes to my relationship with the Doc. So what did I do? (Unconsciously). I made up a defence, I channeled it into anorexia. Here was I restricting and controlling everything, the Bully saying, ”if I wanted to fight you, I would win; see? I can even defeat biological needs”. This explains why, at times, The Offender would attack ME in therapy and make me feel like I hadnt done a good enough job with The Anorexia.

Now what? I was almost sent to a hospital against my will and so I started eating. It took 4 days to kick up my earlier defence of ���lets dissociate between mind and body”. This let me gain and not exercise because hey, it wasnt my body, it wasnt ME, it was an object. I hated that I was losing my body-me, and had this formless object, byt I could do it, because I can dissociate like no other.

But. Because The Anorexia that was lying in wait in my personality development, was avtivated through three mechanisms all related to The Doc, here I was back to where I had been - how was that going to affect our alliance? She thought I might have aggression because quite frankly, I started eating because of her. I dont yhink so; at the last stages of The Anorexia, it was quite horrible and somepart of me probably needed someone to call it off. Yet.. here I am 2,5 months later, recovered biologically in ways that shouldnt be possible (who goes from severely underweight to normal BMI AND starts their menstruation in 2,5 months??)

And my head is devastated its this easy, because now i should slow down, but i keep gaining, and the Doc doesnt want to weigh me anymore, and that makes me feel like she doesnt want responsibility of me soon being TOO FAT. Like now is a good time to shift responsibility to me, now, when Im afraid and cant take a shower because the Dissociatiing of mind and body doesnt work in thw shower. Fuck you!

Im not gonna get to my old habits but the other option, to instead exercise moderatwly and be muscular and lean, is impossible because of my somatic health issues. I need to get help for those again even if I know what the doctors will say. I need the surgery that Might help, but they wont take me easily. The Doc thinks I should go to the surgery any way possible.

Insomnia has been so hard that I am dissociating necause of it, like im not actually awake and present, always late to everything mentally. I traveled to ser the Doc again yesterday only to dissociate so bad I have no idea whathappened and who was there and did sje even say anything and was I even there and isnt it still wedneaday night and im preparing for the visit??!

Fuck you brains!!

Also my somatic health issues go away by not eating and even let me exercise so its doubly hard to understand that underweigh isnt healthy and normal weight is when my body is clearly telling me differently.

The healthy thing to do would be let the Offender attack the Doc like she used to do with ithers but its nit happening. Just not happening. Which part wont let it? Is it the kid? The teenager? The teenager is the one distancing and protecting me. ”Theyre all fooling you. She seems different, but its your transference. Shes just like everyone else.” The teenager thus engages in quasi-alliance being all funny and metaphorical and hyperactive or , rarely, sarcastic and short. I cant see the other parts so clearly, but the kid is not trusting anymore. I could be the kid as long as I was anorexicaly thin. Then it was acceptable. Now it is not anymore. Everyone is telling the kid that youre too naive, be quiet, you just dont see it yet do you? Youll learn.

Whixh makes sense, because didnt I develop the Teenager after the Kid? But who else is there? Why dont thet trust the Doc? Who cares if shes ”justt like the others”? Why are ”the others” so bad?

I need to sort out my aggression and negative transference to get to anywhere.

I am a big bully, but I only bully therapists.

Why I gotta do that? Who knows. I have a knack for messing with their heads til they feel like they don’t know shit no matter how experienced or professional they are.

I know I have this incredible talent, which is why I always, always alert them at the beginning. Buy nobody ever sees it coming! It lies in wait behind a number of other transference phenomena and BAM!

Passive-aggression, sarcasm, but not in a look-at-me-im-fifteen kind of way. This is borderline sadistic and apparently somewhat common in ocpders. But why do I have to ne so good at it!

This doc that I’m seeing currently, I really thought she’d be safe - or I’d be safe - whichever way u wanna look at it - because I’ve had such a powerful transference on this other matter. Turns out I’ve just been repressing this pattern from my consciousness but thank god I’ve seen it now. I have to bring it up even though its never easy to tell a professional that I’ve cut their head off.

From my godfathers lips to gods ears.

You sure have a talent of scaring therapists dont you.