#and not like it's basic compassion for others and a normal curiosity about the world | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

desertdragon · 3 years ago

Note

👤 for Yugiri? Oh and also for a NPC whom Vaste is friends with.

Meme

I get to talk about the wife first 😮‍💨; also like I DM'd you I'm gonna do 3 just for fun

NOTICE: I recommend anyone who's gonna read this do it either on the iPhone tumblr app OR on my blog site in desktop (it's my actual url when you click on my icon or that page crease a post does when you hover over the top right on the desktop dashboard) or viewing my blog page on a phone browser, I DONT advise reading this On the tumblr dashboard because it's too long with Read More removed, your feed will break

I have marked Trigger Warnings for sections in Bold along with -'s they are intended to be skippable if needed

So I change a lot about Yugiri's future and her present, but not her past. Her past is exactly the same as normal; she was born and raised in Sui no Sato, she has both parents and two brothers, she was daring and reckless taking trips to the surface lands out of curiosity, and her meeting Shun who would become Hien is what changed the course of her life. She sacrificed it all to do what she thought was right. In this part all I do is try filling in for whatever isn't accounted for from a character perspective. The emotional, important details and minutia and all that shit.

Anything in this tag already has my essays or observations on Yugiri as she is. I'd like to compile some of that while focusing too on how she changes in my AU and what her future then is like. As a notice that tag will also be updated whenever ideas strike and I post them too.

Building on the stuff I've written before, I think Yugiri's ability to have compassion while still setting her boundaries, as well as being raised in a stable isolated society, all makes her a great person to see the value in something socialist. The whole reason she attached herself to Doma was because its colonization and the stories she heard from Shun's royalist perspective angered her so much as a child at the injustice; as well as the nobility and resolve she saw among the warrior class. It was an emotionally driven decision as the foundation of how she perceived justice.

A few people in the fandom agree that Yugiri needs to learn to live for herself, rather than as a tool or the eyes of someone else. I've even seen a few fanfics where this was attempted, with Hien either being accepting or not talked about. The need for independence is correct, but I feel people see it in a shortsighted way. None of those depictions took into account the grander moral, social, political, and further emotional nuances it would be attached to beyond pitching the concept's basics. Living for herself would completely tear up her world!

Though to be honest I'm a little glad? I don't trust this fandom and most fandoms to wipe their ass without burning their houses down somehow; so I'd rather get shallow basics than more fake deep rhetoric that's full of misogyny, racism, and bootlicking. As if the game story itself wasn't full of enough bootlicking as is.

So then coming from that, how should we discuss Yugiri in terms of her personhood and relation to Vaste? Her relation to Doma needing to evolve? This is sort of the fun part about writing for characters canon forgets exist because it's mostly free game.

I've failed to write this subject with any narrative consistency (which I'm gonna fix when I write the novel length version of Vaste's entire life because just short fiction like I've been doing is getting me nowhere) BUT her relationship with Vaste was under crisis at least twice. Both were huge character building moments that had her reevaluate herself and her life.

Neither time had anything to do with usual couple arguments or disagreements or just growing apart since 1. They're the types who work out how they feel between each other with consistency and enthusiasm for communication ie. They don't do that petty hold it in until I explode on the person I love because they should be able to mind read type shit & 2. I don't think they would grow apart because of how strongly they feel for one another and the sense of trust they formed by again, consistent empathy and communication!

What strained and almost fractured them came from morality, beliefs, and ideals. The first time was when Vaste confessed how much evil she had done while working under the Scions & Alliance. Obviously all sides involved in that share the blame, and yes Vaste was abused and manipulated in multiple ways, but she still did the things she did. She still killed countless unarmed civilians, she killed kids and at times child soldier conscripts of the Garlean army while in the field. She still upheld and represented governmental dominance. Even if there were times she stopped mid act and instead tried to covertly save these people or be defiant, it doesn't remove the times she didn't save them and didn't resist the oppression she worked for.

This is the first major split I take from canon regarding Yugiri. The game at no point meaningfully considers or explores the purpose or reality of being a soldier or government servant, despite its emphasis on politicking, war campaigns, war crimes, and even bio weapons like Black Rose. The game is extremely pro establishment, and when it does mention things like rape, murder, colonization etc. when done by soldiers serving a government, it's in quiet throwaway lines OR it's explained and resolved in the most stripped down form, then these simplified nuanced issues can be solved off screen or with one act. Or its ignored. Even slavery which is a topic present with Copperbell Mines, Beast Tribes, the Arcanist class, & Yotsuyuu's stories is simplified as either what Bad Eggs do, as a natural cost of economic success, or something that largely impacts One Person, rather than the systems of oppression they are.

If I go by base game Yugiri, no way would she stay with Vaste I don't think. If I wrote Vaste as close to how the game portrays the WoL and these topics, then she becomes a caricature- the typical hero who commits war crimes and serves the government with her activities never questioned and never even explored. She would be all of this, without meaningful impact or consequence (TW: Rape Mention in passing):

^ Redditors realizing this is the same issue superhero comics and comic movies have, where instead of someone with immense power and unlimited resources helping humanity’s betterment as a whole transcending petty borders, they become tools of State interests and propaganda agents

Also it's almost as if even in our fiction governmental organizations and their ally organizations still are only designed to benefit their own agendas, and any good they achieve for the public and human rights is pure coincidence or part of a public relations image, wow, surely this has no real life basis :^)

A Vaste and Yugiri written under normal game constraints would be very difficult to have last OR it could last but be hollow; it would require Yugiri to be even more of a blinded hypocrite than she already can be, and it would require her compassion at the core of the character to break. This wouldn't be a bad thing (it is still a character and has potential to be complex- think exploring Yugiri's Worst Self) if it weren't for the fact that it wouldn't be written in a mature way. It would be written as her and Vaste being unflinchingly in the right for this behavior because they fight for the "Good Guys".

Instead Yugiri would undergo a crisis weighing the evil of mercilessly killing, exterminating really, down to kids. The sheer level of blood on someone’s hands for that is too much, especially again with how Yugiri’s nature includes looking out for the helpless. Then you pit that against how it was ordered by a government body; by a united government body who sheltered the Doman refugees, and the fact that looking at how she herself is a government agent, she was taught you have to serve with undying loyalty.

But how do you serve when something so disgusting is asked of you? Isn’t there a point where as a person you have an obligation to resist when inhumanity is expected of you?

Then you combine this with how it forces her to examine her own sins in a similar vein. What about the things she’s done for someone higher than herself? Could she have stopped during some of her own killings? What exactly were some of the reasons for that behavior? It couldn’t all have been just, especially once we see that Hien is fine with pardoning sex traffickers because they share nationalities, how he doesn’t question the system that enabled it. It couldn’t all be just when working for government interests inherently means advancing one group’s desires over others, by any means necessary. There’s also no feasible way everyone she killed could have been bad people worthy of death.

The issue within her becomes complex, as much as what made Vaste do what she did is complex. How angry can she really be at her when Yugiri has killed just as thoughtlessly, just as much to appease other’s need for power they disguised as righteousness? Why was she measuring herself by these easily manipulated metrics, which then proved she’s so capable of ordered violence like a dog on a leash? Why does she dehumanize herself as a tool? Fuck, what about the subject of political prisoners?

I imagine she had to take time for being alone physically and mentally. She tries arguing against the feelings it all stirs in her mind, the things she held back by the skin of her teeth. Then the longer she's left with herself, she realizes she can't look at the people she's followed, she can't look at Hien, without being reminded of dead people. She can't look at them and not have her morality question itself, she can't look at any action Doma takes without questioning everything it's trying to stand for.

When the lines that used to seem simple become blurred because Yugiri is forced to see her mirror in someone, it opens her character down one avenue of gaining independence. Ultimately the goal is to face this mirror and either reject it in denial of her own evil, or accept it and change into someone better.

Which goes into the second crisis- abandoning government bodies altogether. Leaving Doma behind, seeking no masters but herself, walking away from her lords and their laws. Once she reconciles change on the individual level, it has to impact her relationships and groups too. Its the test that cements her commitment to being someone new.

Also when I say that I don’t mean Vaste is phrasing it as a test for her lol, I mean from a writing perspective. Vaste would continue fighting for what she believes in regardless of anyone else, she stops being people’s tool; though the loss would hurt her for sure. I think its the exact quality Yugiri gains by finding conviction in herself and Vaste’s example. Having conviction in yourself allows you to die on your own terms, succeed fueled by your own initiative. I’d love seeing Yugiri become that person, especially because it feels both natural and necessary.

It would still be a shock on some level for her to take this second step, but she would do it with less hesitation. She’s flexing her freedom for the first time in years; that childhood spark for daring never died beneath the surface. It was just sleeping. Once she regains it and throws off whats holding her back (ie. the royalist brainwashing and its components) she’s unstoppable. She’s calmer but less distant, she questions everything but also accepts facts as they are. Her anger is tempered and focused and it has always been an extension of her capacity to love the world. She begins awakening to a sort of enlightenment after liberating her mind.

Fighting Hien and besting him in a duel is the symbolic breaking of the final shackle. Everything that could and did hold her back, every doubt, it all comes to the point of no return. She will have her own future or die trying. She faces it with unbreakable determination as much as she does sadness.

They were friends once, and in the bottom of her heart I think she will always care at least for Shun the boy regardless of Hien the man. But that relationship is finally not enough to stop her from seeking her own justice. They were also master and retainer, such a relationship can never be equal by its definition. The old growth has to die for the new. She wants people who will stand beside her not in front.

She’s remade her identity before this because it felt right, I think she’ll be alright.

I want it clear too how much it is a relationship of equals between Vaste, herself, and their friends. If she opposed them she simply wouldn't have followed them, and I don't think she would let herself be strung along what Vaste wants to achieve just because they're together- in fact they would probably fight to the death if Yugiri remained loyal to what she already fights for. No amount of good relationships, fear of being alone, or crazy good dick is worth being a slave who lacks any independence for lmao. She comes to them because she believes in them as much as they do her, because they all see her and put her back in touch with humanity.

I say that because I've seen so many people including other women make their WoLs literally a dependent accessory with zero personality that doesn't revolve around their male NPC love interests and pretend it's sexy like congratulations you're upholding misogyny, here is your Woman Hater medal 🤡🏅 thank you for continuing to devalue us all as cum socks and emotional labor props, they write with this tone unironically in full seriousness (TW: NSFW, Misogyny):

TW: Suicide mention

Emotional vulnerability is so so important too. Yugiri comes off as holding hers back because of the dehumanizing nature of her position and training. Its really clear whenever she’s upset, emotionally strung, or expressing kindness and gratitude, in the Japanese even her speech mode changes. I want more scenes like the riverside talk in Stormblood, which was really the only time (besides another single one later in EW which I will not spoil for You specifically, though my followers should know since Aislinn @/lettersnorth mains ranged melee) where she knowingly allows the player past her facade.

With the gift of hindsight that conversation isn’t just contemplative and sad watching her self esteem fall, I think its one of the signs for when she goes to assassinate Zenos later. It has this air of tense finality to it even though she’s not openly saying anything suicidal; regardless of how the player chose to respond to her musing, its clear whats happened before this moment still weighs on her with what comes after. The fact she fully resolved to kill or die trying when dying was 99% certain proves how little her life is worth to her. Its eerie coming back to that cutscene for me. She’s lost everything since she left Sui no Sato and what she has left she sees no future for herself in it; she focuses on what it means for everyone but herself. And if she dies then that’s just how it is.

This is uncomfortably reminding me of myself and Vaste ahahaha.

When she grows past this I think she’d be sensitive to reading when someone is going through the same lows. Especially after being with Vaste and seeing how suicide also impacted her. She pulls from their shared experience on it and is the first to discourage people or open herself to listening. Its double serious for her, coming from the mentality of “I am disposable.”.

One of the big themes I have with my characters is bonding though shared suffering; I would apply the same logic to Yugiri. Once she embraces the suffering she has endured, has caused, and has seen others carry she can become more understanding as well. I feel like she would see it as a rebirth in her mind as much as it is from a writing angle. She has died twice now; everything after is witnessed by fresh eyes.

Symbolically she may hold a funeral for herself or another gesture in a similar connotation such as reciting the Mantra of Light- if they have Buddhism or its equivalent in this universe. I kinda want to believe they would since we already have a Shintoism proxy. They have a Shinto wedding by the way 😳 Moss knows what it looks like because I wrote a quick prose mock-up for them hffdgdg I have pages of notes just for Yugiri's attire details

Of course this coincides with Vaste's presence itself granting her aether new powers. That was intentional because I love when character growth progresses alongside their abilities and potential. Forcing her to get greater powers also forces her to continue honing her self control as much as her physical prowess. The responsibility expands her good qualities while encouraging continued reflection on her bad ones.

The new sense of greater power also helps her feel less powerless and better able to help others. I don't just mean her fighting skills. Back in SB when she was devastated at seeing Domans shun her for wanting to help them, her powerlessness was mostly from naïveté. She saw these people not from an empathizing human perspective, but as an outsider who wanted to play hero. They were a concept, a picture painted by what her soldier and royal friends had told her- a project in need of saving. Facing the reality humbles her, and I think gaining independence (as well as being open to the perspectives of those around her) after separating from her bubble keeps helping her progress in this.

In terms of her fighting skills through, they aren't just honed, but she's in greater tune with her body and aether than ever. She recognizes the increased responsibility it comes with too to prevent hurting the wrong people in a fight, as well as scaling herself in battle depending on her objective. Her superhuman speed and reflexes are phenomenal; combined with her control over lightening aspected aether, she becomes known as the God of Lightning to those who've witnessed her.

She kills Zenos by the way- I'm sick of her getting bodied every time they've met like she can't fight at all not even landing a single hit. She masters her glow up and blitzes his ass to death. Vaste doesn't kill him because it's what he would want and she also feels Yugiri deserves the satisfaction.

I have things I want to write purely showing off embracing her powers, and what mastery would look like. She's as precise as Vaste, and with upgrades she gets downright surgical. Lighting also has uses besides frying people, like letting her touch resemble a stun gun, or used for cooking and lighting fires if she wants etc.

Also yes I don't think she can cook. Simple things like rice balls or skewering fish over fire? Maybe, but nothing that requires cooking actual meals. From the way it seems she left Sui no Sato too young to have realistically learned much about cooking from her parents. If that changes or I get corrected information I'll reconsider it. For now from what I remember she would've had to leave home permanently as a teenager since when first meeting Shun she was a younger child. Especially since she took years to move up the ranks of her ninja training before she was considered a master.

Point is the game is rather vague about it, so that's what I'm going with. She knows survival skills for the field, but not so much life skills. Life skills take a backseat when your life is framed as disposable. What she can remember from her parents lessons at this point is probably hazy. It would be interesting to think her dad tried showing her a bit on stone masonry though. Since they live under the Ruby Princess there's a good chance women in that community are treated fairer. Maybe her dad would've tried preparing her to inherit the trade alongside her brothers.Those skills would be useful and an important tie to her heritage.

I think she keeps up with it from time to time, talking about stone quality, chiseling, building, different types etc. Most likely she can tell you something about if a stone incorporated building is livable. In the epilogue she runs a dojo for a non lethal version of the marital arts she learned as a ninja, but she also reconnects to stone masonry. Their new village will never be Sui no Sato, but it starts taking influences for every carpenter she helps or fellow stone mason she advises. Her younger son learns from her and continues the trade. She encourages him just as her father did for her; though the tradition it keeps her father alive in her heart.

Stonemasonry also allows her access to working on gravestones for the locals. When she does it feeds into her relationship with death. She gains a greater intimacy with it, with how the dead should be treated, a greater understanding, how she wants to be memorialized when she dies etc. It puts her in contact with the grieving in ways that let her help rather than destroy as she once did. It helps her find peace while contributing to her penance.

Plus it's funny imagining her trying to cook still learning like "Making dinner for my amazing boy girlfriend~" meanwhile Vaste and the others are like "Who the fuck is burning down the kitchen???!" Before they run in to save it (Lewena crying over the cheese being safe, and Mercuo & Syv hugging the wine bottles)

So if I had to sum the transition it's:

- Soldier blinded by power, naivety, misplaced loyalty, lies, and dehumanization ->

- Questioning purpose, re-evaluating loyalty as a concept, reconnecting with humanizing herself, discovering her boundaries, desires, and needs, questioning those around her ->

- Accepting her flaws and free will, doubling down her resolve, realizing she has the power to choose and change her world, acting on this change ->

- Being self assured yet humble, daring yet measured, calm and knowing when to act or when to wait, embraces her identity and personhood, tempered but fluid who knows where her principles lie

And finally everything carries her forward after magic and gods are gone. What she's learning are life skills, reclamation of humanity. Building her strength of character can only leave her a better person. She becomes patient, expressive, strengthens her honesty, solidifies her self worth, knows her wants and needs, sets boundaries, and is empathetic to others without robbing them of agency/objectifying them. Her views on violence calm too, and she matches Vaste's "No killing, violence only when necessary" philosophy. There's been more than enough war for the both of them; more than enough needless blood on their hands.

As a parent later on this tuning toward humanity and the world helps so much too. She's a mom who listens first, is honest without ever being demeaning or cruel, leads by example, and tries to reinforce balance constantly. She would never leave anyone feeling left out or confused on purpose; they will always know they're loved and won't be spoken over. She refuses to let her temper get the better of her whenever it's difficult.

Her kids will not repeat her ignorance nor her own parents mistakes. That's something she and Vaste have on their minds without hesitation. Also we have proof family is important to her because of how much she talks about missing them as is. It's about recognizing the humanity in others. It's about learning to listen to people over treating them like something to save. A reversal of her primary negative character trait.

She's the one who chose the kanji for their Doman/Hingan (Japanese) names too, after talking it over with Vaste. Yoshino's name reflects her being goodness and a blessing, while the boys names I HC are her brother's names, just different kanji. I thought it would be important to her character to honor them like that if she had sons. Ujihide's name is spelled to mean Family Flower (helping to reflect being born during Spring- EDIT: in double checking my research it can also mean the calyx of a flower, which is the green protective layer for an unopened bud, reinforcing a comment in the next section- consider also the meaning Family Protector), while Yoshitsugu's means Inheritor of Justice / Continuing Justice .

* As a side their Zulu names in order mean Peace/Silence, Threshing/Divination (as well as bird wings flapping- which links again to Zulu interpretation of birds as change, another meaning is to extinguish flames, the most common meaning is To Beat), and Victory. The first continues the theme of Yoshino representing hope and blessings as the eldest; meanwhile as the older twin, Ujihide's name reflects protection for his younger brother.

In the old days of both Zulu and Japanese culture twins were a bad omen and undesirable. It actually surprised me over the years to learn how many cultures have hated and feared twin births; there's a lot of negative superstition. If I had to guess the bulk of it comes from twins being a harder birth with a higher mortality rate. And how rare multiple babies in one go is. So when Vaste realized there was a second baby in there she named the older one something to repel bad luck. It's also a slight tongue in cheek joke because it's like his birth divined the coming of his brother after him.

For Yoshitsugu, Manqoba just means Victory or Winner. Yugiri agreed with her that since he was born a bit of a runt compared to his siblings and seemed reserved even as a baby, he should have encouraging names. They don't play favorites, but they do pay close attention to learn what makes him confident and sociable, and when he'd like alone time or to be in his thoughts.

In closing on her I want to write a character who's Vaste's foil, I wanted to fix how the story left her behind and flesh out what she has, and I want yet another example to prove the point that you can only change corrupt systems by stepping outside them. I want to expand a character I like by applying my narrative style.

Right now for Yugiri music, I’ve been listening to Khamsin’s theme off the MGR OST: The Hot Wind Blowing

On a personal note, when it comes to portraying Yugiri I'm very sensitive to avoiding racist stereotypes. I always try being mindful that I don't show/write her as the Submissive Asian Woman or the Cold Scheming Dragon Lady Asian Woman, or the Naturally Smarter Than Everyone Asian Woman. I'm not Asian so I will never be perfect at avoiding these, but I do everything I can when I check my drafts over and over to think about what I include, why I include it, and how the portrayal comes together.

As with my dark skin characters and Vaste I also encourage any East Asians who might find my Yugiri portrayal to correct it if they want. Racism is rampant in fandom and I've even seen people not just hurl slurs but substitute Chinese for Japanese in FFXIV's influences and vice versa; the old "All Asians Look The Same/Are Interchangeable" racist belief. It is beyond offensive and exactly what I wish to avoid, so I advise any non Asians writing Yugiri to be mindful too. If you write a racist portrayal you deserve to get called the fuck out.

The source material gave us scraps; they really are doing another underutilized another interesting dynamic a character can bring while making more for the fucking hollow boring Scions. It sucks, she’s not even the only character they do it to (certainly not the only woman either); in general a lot of the side stuff is better than the MSQ honestly. I also think its so funny that Lyse got more development once she left them, only to get thrown in the Female Character Development Waiting Cell, where she’s still sitting holding her Gucci handbag to this day.

EW was the first time since HW they tried injecting meaningful personality and character development into Scions but I feel like it was both too little too late plus feels shallow after two interim expacs of nothing consistent. Purely from a character writing perspective; obviously they push the story along but that's all they do which is the problem fksdofk (the Twins are in this weird middle ground on that in my eyes though, Urianger is on thin ice)

Anyway time for Estinien

Bestie <3

The biggest thing I love about him is how independent he is. In a game full of people riding your ass over anything to the point of a hollow personality, love seeing someone find a middle ground. His arc revolves around healing and inner peace, above all being true to himself. Yes he can be funny but people get way too caught up making him a meme or rude rather than pay attention to anything else.

He has heart, which is something he guards beneath the rage. Maybe guard is only part of it; he spent all his life focused on anger and revenge I think he forgot it in the back of his mind. It wasn’t as important as killing Nidhogg, and making sure everyone and everything helped do so. The longer it goes on though the more he realizes whats happened to him by drowning in hate; he was never totally blinded in order to do that, whatever he might’ve thought otherwise. He was on the path of losing his humanity. And that fact conflicted with a desire to let go and a desire to hold on.

He shares enough in common with Vaste like this that despite his initial rudeness I think she could tell in his eyes there was more going on. She saw what she was becoming whenever they first spoke. That bonded them right away beyond sharing being Azure Dragoons. He wasn’t in a position to truly help her then because of his own problems, but he would’ve been dispensing advice without realizing it. His honesty continued to be refreshing and grounding too as time passed with people continuing to dehumanize or idolize her.

I love his self reflection, in fact I think he’s one of it not the best at it of the entire cast. The fact that it started not when Nidhogg died but during them being bound together speaks to both the wounded child and unfulfilled man he was beneath rage. The moment he learned the truth of the Dragonsong War, when he felt Nidhogg’s being within himself, he’s been on a journey of understanding. He recognizes Ishgard’s corruption both in the present and the past, which led him to remove himself from an oppressive system while doing penance for his sins and the sins of his heritage in good deeds.

He knows he has a responsibility, and he’s acting on it in tangible ways when he helps Dragons and honors them.

He’s a guide for how I want Vaste to be; a warrior who recognizes who he is, what he’s done, and how he may be part of the community of humanity.

I wanna talk about why I think he’s out of touch at times and not great with socializing beyond Dragons.

It makes complete sense while also explaining how out of touch he is with things others see as normal (including money spending). He picked up the spear at age 12-13 and never put it down; literally and metaphorically training was what he did whenever he wasn't asleep. Alberic probably tried teaching him life skills, but it went unheard if he did. He still has a childlike grasp of things like buying for himself, taking care of himself, others reactions or thoughts about what he might say/do, self care etc.

Of course he’s like that! He never saw the value in being anything other than a tool for his own vengeance! Only years later once he’s come out of revenge can he see he’s stunted himself. I feel as if he’s playing catch up on this too since Heavensward, not just his wandering warrior philosophy. Speaking of that he reminds me of Raiden in Metal Gear Rising, accepting violence and combat as the fabric of his identity, but using it to help the weak and personal atonement. Often times this level of self acceptance when it comes to a negative trait is written so negative action has to be the result. Its nice to see a subversion thats meaningful without being another “Give in to your darkness while accepting no consequences”

Also when he was a villain, I was living for it. I loved when he and Nidhogg shared the role because from a character stand point it made sense. The game had this track record with its villains where they reflected the flaws in the world or society that produced them. Nidhogg reflected the suffering a greedy militant nation will inflict on another race when it stands to benefit; Estinien reflected the despair single minded hatred brings as it eats away who you are and your human essence. Ysayle saw the paranoid murders, rapes, classism and abuses of power rampant in Ishgard which made her side with the oppressed, its foundations built on slaughter of a minority. Yotsuyuu as we know was sexually sold and abused every way by the standards her country upheld, how it viewed women. Fordola is brainwashed, manipulated, and groomed into a reflection of her conquerors.

Really it was a fantastic tradition the Warriors of Darkness then later Meteion continued (I fucking loved Meteion & Hermes actually)- and then people amounted it to memes. Estinien and the others deserve better than that. Heavensward tied his struggles in a way that showed how mental weakness from our faults and deprived needs makes us easy prey for manipulation. Through him it deepened a personal aspect to what Nidhogg and Ysayle were doing; in the sense where the game gave us three characters exploring the failings of Ishgard and war itself. Had the expansion solely relied on Thordan to make its point then it’d be paper thin.

You could see every Heavensward villain/antagonist except for Thordan, and some villains in Stormblood (Yotsuyuu & Fordola) as having It Has To Be This Way fit over their fights

Estinien is great not only for his arc progression and down to earth personality, but because he’s one of the last symbols of when the game was at its best. A time when the game narrative started moving up with stumbles and promise. It took until Endwalker for me to feel even a fraction of that old thrill again. The writers saw they needed a foil character further commentating on when violence becomes senseless; fuck if they didn’t deliver.

His dedication to his agenda first continues to be a breath of fresh air; I want more characters who recognize when they contribute to oppression as he did then take steps doing something about it. I want characters who evolve their philosophy. Every time I see him being a dragon’s biggest fan asking nothing in return its a highlight. Because I remember when he would’ve butchered them all.

He’s my beloved for doing so. The game features mature topics, and characters like Estinien execute on the theme. They better not fuck him up or I’m adding him to my collection. Also him and Aymeric have a thing going on, bisexual husbands. Estinien sees he's fucking up when he does and he learns to correct his behavior. More male characters need to learn that shit, even in general. He loves fiercely. His word is his honor. He understands himself. He is healing. Love this fucking man.

Also I forgive him for anything bad because he worked on it or is working on it so he has always been my babygirl. I see a lot of myself in him too.

So the last bestie is...

Mercuo

I thought about using Gan but I’ve been feeling him ^ lately. Next time I’ll talk about Gan and also his design. Not everyone in the Guardians of Time agreed with or liked Vaste at first. In fact only Weyd, and Syv took a definite positive interest in him on first impressions.

You can argue Lewena somewhat liked her when they first met based on what I wrote a long time ago; however I don’t count it since Lewena’s thoughts were doubts and anxiety. Also she only exposed a glimpse of her powers because she thought it fit the situation while trying to show Vaste a ‘Look I’m special too its not just you’ side. Trying to show her value next to a famous person.

The others had a range of conflicting emotions or self doubts about if she could understand them, because of their low self esteem and differing views. Mercuo’s reasoning made him emotionally withdrawn and externally curt. He didn't dislike Vaste herself so much as the fact that as WoL she's an authority figure, she's allowed the privilege of sanctioned violence. He didn't trust her responsibility nor the role itself because authority betrayed him. He's seen intimately how ripe for warping it is, to the point he questions it's usefulness since it creates an exploitable imbalanced dynamic.

TW: Child Sex Abuse mention

As in his backstory the trauma of seeing the man who became his father figure molest and attempt assaulting children was the final shattering of his faith in authority figures. His parents had already given him up long ago, the priests before he entered the knighthood by and large didn't expect much, and everyone lorded over him because he was from The Brume and a Duskwight. Not to mention his father figure almost got the chance to molest him as well which was further devastating in hindsight.

He has reason not to trust the authoritative individual; he had an idea not to trust the system because Ishgard and poor people don't mix, but seeing it defend his pedophile mentor because he was highborn is the final straw. He puts trust in others when they earn it, and he has every right to. He and Weyd get along because she is genuinely forward thinking as a person and how she sees class systems.

She's seen firsthand the greed of Ul'Dah and the piranha tank it becomes at the drop of a hat. She's seen the neglect of the common man, the bribes, the brutality as policy, the corrupt divided powers. They have similar feelings in common. She had to earn his respect from tireless communication as well as her bearing. The heaps of money for his services was the plus. Vaste has to match that energy and conviction to him; he has to see by her actions she's intent on defying a system.

So first impressions wise he has no idea on any of this so he's on edge. He warms up the longer he spends time around her but the real shift comes when she opens up. Like Yugiri he has a crisis moment in their friendship. How can he feel anything toward a kid killer other than rage? She didn't get upset with him for not wanting to be near her for a time. He spent a long while thinking on it and on how she wants to change.

He thought about how the system broke her down to be capable of it, of how the Templar Knights did similar with him. He was a cop at the end of the day, he'd seen his share of police brutality in Ishgard. Back then though he was too young as a teenager to fully grasp the weight of what he saw and did beyond gut emotions.

In the end what bridged the gap was how hard he saw her trying. She put her money where her mouth was rather than mope but take no action. She started defying the Scions openly, and spoke out whenever she could. He watched her closely to find a grasp on her humanity. Not only that but she came up with the most insane plan he ever heard, killing gods so no one else can suffer as much as they did. This spoke to him, as a Duskwight, as a poor class Ishgardian, as a man.

They became hard friends once they reconciled these differences. If she had been only about her words he would've never changed his mind nor given her trust. If she wasn't serious she'd never have shared with him such a batshit crazy plan either. He understands she's in pain and is paying for it, like he is when he remembers his father figure, how he had to kill him for what he'd done. It's built on compassion and some empathy.

Otherwise though he's a romantic, a risk taker, an adventurer through and through. I don't just mean romantic in that he treats G'azef like a king either; he views the world as full of beauty in unexpected moments. Walking though nature is beauty, walking through towns is beauty, the moment when something gives you a full feeling in the chest is beauty. Hearing others laugh and share stories, joys over drinks is beauty. Sharing pain, is beauty. It's intimacy with the world around you that's romantic.

He's not shy toward new experiences either, though he won't do things he finds obviously stupid. If someone isn't getting him into a new thing then he's breaking their shell in a heart to heart way to do the thing too. Whereas Gan is obvious and enthusiastic when doing this, Mercuo can be that but also subtle. It's about reading situations, which he's done to survive since childhood. As a side effect it made him good at reading people and their emotions.

He keeps up loyalty to places and people he cares for. Chasing Comet's bar the 'Star Dancer' is one such place. He loves everything there, drinks, food, the company etc. Chasing Comet and Kind Dawn love his listening ear or hearing him jumpstart a good party or wild story. They also know him as one of the few who consistently pays his tab. Whenever they need help he'll jump in if able, which always helps. Comet can see on his face that he does things out of earnest, because it's right; it's a trait she finds is lacking in others. So he always has a home there, even on the occasions he does mischief.

He and K'ali do jockey each other over getting work as mercenaries, but there is respect. They may tease and bicker and be petty but neither does anything genuinely insulting. They respect each other's work ethic, skills, charisma and so on. There's been times where he's seen her off beneath the swashbuckling demeanor and stepped in; either with a word or by paying for her tab.

The times when she's been too distraught inside to remember to shave were his first clue that she's intersex, but he didn't bug her about it. He saw her anxiety over forgetting to upkeep how she presents and had the tact not to treat her any different.

When she finally did confide some in him, he was accepting. He also knows how much she cares for her brother N'ali. He wishes he had a family relationship like that; as time passes he gives that role to Syv somewhat. In any case he sees she has heart even when she's being a shit. Without her around things would be less bright.

The sword to him is so important because despite the painful memories he has using one, it's still symbolic of finding his first calling. Of finding freedom out of the slums and loneliness. Nothing can ever take that half away. He trains to the point it moves as an extension of his body; a skill he's proud of beyond belief. It is both an art piece and a tool of death to be respected. He and G'azef met through the sword too. They fight side by side as each other's embers in the clashes of life. They are in love so thoroughly to embody the sword in one another.

I really like Mercuo. I really like all my characters even when I struggle to fill them out. So moving forward I want to do more little by little.

Also I like fitting him in clothes with huge collars because it makes his head hilariously tiny but it works

#hc #so fitting that i was listening to the Metal Gear Rising OST writing this lol #'I CARVED MY OWN PATH; YOU FOLLOWED YOUR WRATH- BUT MAYBE WE'RE BOTH THE SAAAMMEEE'- narrative foils have done so much for us as a society #nhaama #to live this way

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where-dreamers-go · 4 years ago

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James Conrad x Fem!Reader (Soulmate AU) Part One

(A/N: I wanted to experiment with another soulmate alternative universe. Predominantly in James’ point of view. This has been (slowly) in the works for a long while. Again, I went back to this now in 2021 when this was typed from a notebook in 2019. I kind of forgot about this one…my bad. So this is for @girl-next-door-writes Bingo Challenge~! Yeah, I know I have a few other insert readers that I’m working on, but this one was basically finished and I can’t believe I forgot about it. Part One, Erica? Yeah, I know...we get there when we get there. Bingo Card: Soulmates Warnings: Brief and vague mentions of people not surviving on Skull Island. Word Count: 3,246 words )

A world with ancient creatures long forgotten and slowly being remembered was an intricate puzzle. There were believers, those who were neutral, and those who spit negativity at the notion of something against their beliefs.

A society and world where soulmates could found one another on their own was exciting for the hopeful. Bioluminescent glow of the skin acted as a compass with one’s soulmate in place of North. A part of the body closest to the direction of one’s soulmate would glow. It could be the tip of a nose, an extended elbow, or any small pinpoint glow unless one’s soulmate was closer. The more near to one’s soulmate, the larger the glowing area.

✧ ✧ ✧

James’ skin never glowed more than the size of a small coin. He had traveled more than the average citizen. He had been a captain, Special Operations, but was a civilian once more as a hirable tracker. Yet agreeing to go aboard his last job changed everything. What he knew about the world and her creatures was altered. Skull Island was only a part of it all.

On top of being forced into Monarch’s containment and learning that there were other monsters out there around the world—his skin was glowing in large patches. It was distracting for himself and those with him. The others were getting quite interested and offering to help. As it had been glowing more noticeably since he and Mason were briefed on the ancient super species.

“I can handle it. Let’s stay on topic, shall we?” James asked, as he walked out of the concrete holding room.

“Are you sure? Because—,” the boy, Houston, swallowed his words at the quick glance from James. “Right.”

It was no secret that the two scientists, Houston Brooks and San Lin, found James’ glowing skin to be a big deal. Seeing someone’s skin glow about the size of their hand was nothing to ignore. Yet that was what James intended to do. There were larger situations to consider, especially as the two scientists took Mason and James to another area—finally—once they were on board.

“More of your skin is glowing,” said Mason, her voice hushed.

“I know.” James stated, but not as flatly as he intended to end the conversation.

“I wonder who it is,” Houston stated.

“Someone in Monarch definitely,” San added.

“Again, may we stay on topic?” James looked pointedly at each of his companions.

“Sorry.”

“Yes.”

He did not have a clear idea where they were being lead in the government building, but he did know it would lead to more information on the matters Monarch was involved in.

✧ ✧ ✧

Work had been left ignored, procrastinated for hours. Your eyes studying your own skin as its bioluminescence when you had walked through the compound and as you sat in your small office.

You were brought into Monarch almost a year ago with promises of knowledge and helping others. Your curiosity had sucked you in. It was a home, workplace, and life like no other. There were many surreal moments, definitely, considering ancient creatures not being just legends. Something a zoologist like yourself dove into researching.

You were happy. You had a purpose of helping others. The more you learned and researched, the more you felt actually fulfilled. Also, the more paperwork and notes you had pinned to the wall and filed onto your desk.

Seeing your skin’s soulmate glow broaden in size seemed more otherworldly than writing down a wingspan for Mothra.

Sighing, you rotated your forearm as the glow spread to your bicep.

This week just keeps getting more intense, you thought. First an expedition on Skull Island, now—

Knock knock

You quickly rolled down the sleeves of your shirt.

“Hey, (Y/N).” Houston walked in through the open doorway, “got a minute?”

“Sure.” You answered, standing from your seat.

Three more people walked into your office, one of which you recognized as San.

“May I help you?” You asked as you made an effort not to make any direct eye contact with the newcomers for at least a moment longer.

“Ah…” His eyes were on the man he had brought with him.

“Houston?”

He coughed before speaking and turning his attention elsewhere, “This is Mason Weaver—.”

“Hi.” Mason waved, a woman with dirty blonde hair.

“Hi,” you smiled and waved in return. The glow appearing out of your hand. You quickly tucked your hands behind your back. A glow then brightening your face.

“—And…this is James Conrad.”

“Hi.” The tall man swallowed dryly, his face and neck glowing warmly. Extremely obviously.

Oh, dear, you thought.

Clearly, out of everything that happened in the past week, he was not prepared for meeting his soulmate. Neither were you.

“Hi.” Your voice lacked the strength you were hoping to pull out of yourself for one second away from your work. Although it did not seem to hurt any of the introductions.

Quiet quickly took over your small office. Multiple pairs of eyes looked between you and the Mister Conrad. With your desk behind you, you were a cornered little mammal.

“So, what’s your job here?” Mason asked, breaking through the other’s silent stares.

“I’m a zoologist and here at Monarch I try to figure out how these species live—survive in their environments. Hoping to learn about their evolution and habits. Basically the animal kingdom.” You answered, your shoulders slacking some.

“She also has an interest in mythology, which is a great help to us,” Houston piped up.

“If I was more into cryptology it would make this a little more fun. If not give me a small head start when I first came here.”

“Speaking of head start…How much time do you think we have?” Mason asked.

“Time… Uh. Considering we survived this long as a species, how technology is progressing, and how your expedition unearthed some of the creatures….I would say that we still have time before the world—our society as a whole—knows them as facts. That much can be said.”

“That’s good news.”

“But that doesn’t mean all humans or even our technology will be prepared for their arrival or even living amongst them.”

“I’m not sure I want to live next door to one of them,” Houston pointed out.

“The creatures already live here. They were here first.” San added.

“We are the ones who must adapt.” James said, arms crossed over his chest.

Your breath came in quickly as your eyes reminded you of the man’s own bioluminescence. It covered all of his arms’ skin that was visible from his short-sleeve shirt. Mesmerizing you in thoughts that seemed too supernatural and much too distracting for the topic at hand.

“Are we not gonna talk about you two’s skins glowing?” Houston asked, jolting you out of your thoughts.

You straightened up hastily.

“Learning all we can about ancient creatures that could possibly destroy the human race and other creatures of the world comes first.” You said, though perhaps more to yourself. It wasn’t entirely a ‘no’.

“Agreed.” James stated, arms still crossed and glowing.

You had only taken a glimpse at him from the corner of your eye.

“Alright,” Houston drew out the word. “The world is top priority.”

“As it should,” San added. “And we should show Mason and James the other wing. Show them their rooms and where they can eat.”

“It was nice meeting you,” Mason said as she turned towards the door.

“Likewise,” you smiled.

“A pleasure,” James said shortly before leaving just before Mason.

Houston and San gave their short goodbyes as they left you to your work.

You plopped down onto your chair. Heart thumping loudly in your chest, you shuttered as you let out a breath of air.

“He’s here.”

✧ ✧ ✧

Mason and James were shown more of the facility on the way to the living area. A whole opposite wing inside of the secret facility where those in Monarch could stay. It was impressive. Their separate rooms would be the final stop on the tour.

James wondered if there would be no leaving that place. After time, would he want to?

I’m going to have to help people. I’m alright with that. If they need help—the world, I’ll do what I can. He thought as he counted off the doors they passed.

Houston and San lead the way.

“I can’t believe you didn’t stay and talk with her,” Mason declared from beside James. “Actually I can. Nevermind.”

“There’s no time.” James said.

“That’s a poor excuse for someone who just heard that we do have time. Years even.”

“But would it be worth it?” He countered.

“That’s up to you and her. You could also learn a lot more about this place.”

“I think I’ve heard enough about this place for one day.”

He knew that Mason was trying to bait him, but also to genuinely help. It wasn’t an everyday thing to hear about someone finding their soulmate; let alone see it happen.

It had to happen this way, didn’t it?

When night fell and James was finally alone, he was reminded of everything he had pushed to the back of his mind. Well fed and cleaned up, he laid in bed. He could not help but to stare at the glowing of his skin on his left side. It meant that you did not leave the facility either. Could you though? He reached out his left arm and watched as his entire hand glowed. Bright whites and warm yellow tones. Even when he was in the UK his skin never glowed more than the size of his thumb. His soulmate was there. Alive and healthy.

He sighed.

Normally he would not even think about his soulmate or even remember about a glowing patch of his skin because it was always out of sight or not enough to notice. Too many changes and discoveries. Then he met you. However brief of a meeting, James had felt something spark in his mind and his veins. Somewhere in him, he felt a connection. An interest that rooted itself inside of him where he could not see.

Closing his eyes, James settled with his thoughts.

She’s safe. That’s what’s important.

✧ ✧ ✧

James awakened from his half-sleep state from a knocking on the room’s only door. Rolling out of bed, he walked to see who needed to see him. It was not until his entire front was glowing brighter than yesterday did he know for certain who was behind the door. He flicked on the room light. Sleep faded from his mind completely.

He took a breath in.

Upon opening the door, he did not mind greeting who he saw.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning,” you smiled all tense with your face all aglow.

A small smile curled his lips.

Guess it didn’t take her long to figure out which room I was in.

“I’m sorry if it’s too early.” You said, voice hushed.

“It’s fine. Truly.”

“I was just…wondering if you were okay.”

He could of laughed at the statement, but he chose against it.

“Considering I was lucky to return alive from an island full of monsters, was taken against my will to be brought here, was shown a presentation of other monsters on the planet, and still haven’t left this place—I would have to say that simply ‘okay’ doesn’t quite fit.”

Silence filled the hall.

James felt a twinge of guilt seeing the mixture of hurt on your face unfiltered. Your fingers intertwined tightly. He waited to hear what you would say.

You finally found words you wanted to share, “Monarch tends to be a bit dramatic and secretive, but I think that’s because it’s difficult for Monarch as a whole to find people they can trust.”

“They seem to trust you a great deal.”

“I’ve just gathered information. I’m a zoologist and I also want to make sense of what our world really is—but that doesn’t mean I’ll figure out everything we should even know about one of these creatures. I do my best. I don’t go out recruiting or anything. I haven’t even been out in the field in months.”

He saw more than he had yesterday how the subjects at hand were making you distressed. Seen from how your eyes looked panicked and you hid your hands in the sleeves of your sweater.

“I’m sorry for what you went through on the island. No one should have gotten hurt or…,” your voice trailed off.

“Each of us knew the risks—to a degree.”

“But you weren’t told the truth. It wasn’t fair.”

James leaned against the doorway. New thoughts coming forward in his mind.

“Were you available to go to Skull Island?”

“I—,” you cocked your head at him before your eyes glanced elsewhere. “Bill Randa told me to look over my research. Basically like writing a second draft to a paper. He told me that I was missing something. But…we didn’t have any new information coming in at the time.”

“Any chance he was wary of whether or not you would have told those he hired why we were really there?”

That would have been helpful. But Houston and San did not say anything either.

“I…I don’t know. I’ve never told a secret before. Not that any of this is really a secret. It’s more like myths and stories that people wouldn’t likely believe at first glance.”

He watched as you rubbed your arms still deep in thought.

James straightened up.

“Would you care to come in? I think we’ve stood out here long enough.” He smiled.

You smiled kindly in return.

“Would it be alright if we talked about something other than monsters?” You inquired.

“Sure. Did you have anything in mind?” He dearly hoped you were not going to ask about the War or that part of his past that interested most others.

No doubt she had heard something from Houston or San. Or she asked.

To his surprise and only partial relief, you held up a single glowing finger.

Right. That.

James’ chest rose and fell before he nodded in agreement. The man moved back inside the room given to him and held the door open as you gingerly entered.

As you passed him the side of your face glowed a bright white that his eyes seemed to follow without a second thought.

Seconds ticked by and you were both still standing around and not sure what to do as you both glowed, keeping a distance.

You rose your eyebrows, amused with the silence.

One of us has to say something, he thought.

What was there to say? It was not the most ideal of circumstances around.

“I…I must apologize for being so blunt when we met.” James said. “Everything has just been adding up and piling on more information. I didn’t want to put any of that emotion towards you. None of this was expected.”

“It’s alright. I mean, I always figured I’d miss my chance at meeting my—uh, you know…”

James nodded.

“Because of my work and usually being inside or one place. Not really moving around. Plus I figured I’d somehow walk right passed or something and not notice because I’m focused on other things.”

“Your work is important to you. That’s good.”

“Yeah,” you smiled a bit as you rested your hands on your hips. “Nothing like good work ethic in something your interested in. Though right now it’s quite the topics.”

Narrowing his eyes for a moment, James figured you were talking about more than just monsters. About him, perhaps?

We keep dancing around the soulmate subject. What do we even want? What do I want?

“It’d been nice to focus on other things.” You said.

What?

The corner of your lips quirked up as you looked at him.

“Things about what other people do or are interested in.” You clarified. You had read his expression well enough.

“I’m not sure what information I could offer.” James stated softly. “I was still a tracker for hire when Monarch offered me the job.” He had not entirely wanted to bring that up to you, however there was not much else. How personal did he want to be? This was the most time he had spent in your presence since meeting you the day before. To him, you did not seem the radical type like those he encountered while on Skull Island. Time would tell when he would open up more to you. Even the whole soulmate subject was a heavy topic.

You seemed determined enough to push through the conversation.

“Could…,” you pressed your lips together in a tight line. Eyes no longer meeting his. “This is probably extremely personal, but—if you wanted to…would you had been able to find me on your own?”

“The glowing would had made it exceedingly easier. Yes.”

You nodded, taking in his words.

“Would you?” He asked.

Eyes returning to his, your shoulders perked higher. You shook your head.

“Even working for Monarch, I couldn’t.” You said quietly. “I think it worked out though.” You shrugged, trying to defend your happiness of meeting James.

She really is happy to have met me. Finding me though…That’s what I figured, he thought. She can’t travel the world with her expertise without support. She couldn’t have been able to find me in Vietnam. Seeing her office, she probably would had been helpful on the trip. He froze at his thoughts. No. That would had been terrible.

“I know that we agreed not to speak about any more monsters, however,” he inhaled visibly, “I am glad that you were not on that expedition.”

“Why?” Your question was out of curiosity not pride.

“Your presence would had made it more complicated. None of it would have been of your own doing. Rather, uh, the stakes would have been higher. Greater.”

Just the start of his mind thinking about if you there bothered him. The creatures, the people, unknown environment they found themselves in, and the secrets that were held.

“Oh…that sort of makes sense.”

“Sorry,” he took a step closer to you. “It’s just there were guns being pointed to anyone who disagreed with the Lieutenant Colonel. And if you were there I’m sure he would have used you as leverage or had threatened you or worse. Our glowing skins would have made us easy targets.”

“Not to forget the wildlife as I heard briefly.”

“That too. I’m so glad you weren’t there and I say that with much respect to you.”

“Thank you,” you said quietly.

That didn’t sound forward, did it?

“At least this is a much more safer environment to get to know one another.” James said.

At the closer proximity he could see that even the tip of your nose was glowing. He had never seen someone’s entire face illuminated before. To know it was from his presence, gave him an emotion he could not immediately place.

“How long do you plan on staying?”

The question struck him deep. James had not even left Vietnam when the war was over and even in Monarch he was not sure where he would stay. Was there a place for him in Monarch? He was a tracker and they were discovering monsters who lived below the Earth’s surface. He could find work there, but could he find a life there?

“As long as I am needed.”

~~~

(If you love my writings and want to support me, I have a Ko-Fi where you can buy me a coffee. I would be eternally grateful.

Best wishes and happy reading.)

~~~~~

DreamerDragon Tags: @cubedtriangle

James Conrad Tags: @

**Let me know if you would like to be tagged in insert readers, either through replies, ask, or message.**

#James Conrad #James Conrad x reader #James Conrad x fem!reader #James Conrad fanfiction #Kong: Skull Island fanfiction #where dreamers go #Captain James Conrad #Girl Next Door's Make Me Feel Bingo #soulmate au #James Conrad soulmate au #well this took me a few years to finally upload

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beyondthetemples-ooc · 3 years ago

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OC-tober Day 2: Glass

OC-tober prompts put together by @oc-growth-and-development! I have to ramble in meta instead of write, because my brain is Mush lately. (I know I’m behind but I have a lot pre-written, I just need to put it into coherent words!)

This one especially can be rambled about at length, because the most important “glass” object in my stories is one I greatly enjoy exploring: Dove’s mindscape mirror!

^ I drew it forever ago; here’s the deviantArt link if you’d like to see the big version!

https://www.deviantart.com/ravenshiddensoul/art/Dove-s-Keepsakes-Mirror-and-Box-284227087

It’s largely modeled after a bird stretching its wings upwards, with a handle like a tail and certain details are inlaid with Azarathean gold to better channel its magics.

Now, this is where the rambling begins: The mirror’s backstory, and I’ll be exploring one of my favorite things to develop in all of my stories: Dove’s mindscape!

Dove's mirror isn't one of her most prized possessions, nor super incredibly sentimental, but it IS an object touched with her mother's magic, it has flourishes of Azarathean gold (some of the last pieces to exist), and it's useful for introspection and self-soothing, so it does have some value and importance.

Dove struggled with meditating quite a lot as a child, and there was only so much her mother could do to help. Meditation was pretty important to them as both a means of helping Dove control her powers, and as a staple of Azarathean spirituality. As she so often did, Alerina poked around and asked enough questions around the temple that she was told about Raven's mirror, and she decided to replicate it for Dove. She custom ordered a gold-lined wooden hand mirror, and then cast the spells to connect it to Dove's inner world herself. It took a few tries (it's much harder to connect something to someone else's mind than your own, after all), but she was nothing if not determined to help her daughter, and eventually figured it out.

As for its main purpose: Self-reflection! (If you'll pardon the pun.) Dove uses it to meditate, but where Raven uses hers for centering and compartmentalization, Dove uses it more as a blend of escapism and a focusing aid.

Much like Raven's, Dove's mirror acts as a portal to the depths of her mind, and this is where it gets fun!

The vortex that transports the users is usually white and gold, imbued with the same energies that give Dove her powers, at least on her mother's side. It's noticeably touched with black and red in DDD. (Dove's evil side starts taking over her mind, and thus its energies manifest through the mindscape, and Dove's portal into it, hence: black and red energies instead.) It tends to open up like a light tunnel and almost opens the mental world around the user, rather than dragging them in.

Once inside, one can't expect to navigate the same way as Beast Boy and Cyborg did in "Nevermore". Every mind is different, after all! We saw Raven's mindscape divided nearly into emotional sections with a neutral space between them, and the way through each area was preset and linear. While different parts of Dove's internal world manifest in different "areas", they're not so totally divided and separate, and there's no real "neutral" zone except at the very "center". The scenery changes, but it's more of a gradual transition, and though Dove employs thresholds to mark key areas, they're very much just visual aids.

Dove's mindscape is laid out more like a series of rooms and courtyards in a very (very, very, very) large mansion. The ground is generally of crystal, spires and columns decorate the scenery, and the thresholds are modeled after birds with their wings outspread. (While this seems like a play on Dove's namesake, it's actually based on Azarath's architecture, particularly that of George Perez's Azarath in the 1980's New Teen Titans comics.)

Dove's sky shows various stars and often casts moonlight from an uncertain source, particularly when she's introspecting. The ambient temperature varies amongst the locations, chilly in the regions ruled by fear and sadness, uncomfortably warm near her demon's domain, and comfortable and breezy where her peace and contentment reside.

One could easily get lost in her mindscape if they don't know where they're going. The place can shift and change on a whim.

Where Dove spends her time building that peace and contentment, it's very closely modeled after her mother's memories of Azarath (which is where she learned how to find peace, after all): there's marble and gold everywhere, and the stars twinkle with dozens of colors in the sky.

Where Dove retreats when there are feelings of timidity, her excruciating shyness, her grief and doubt, the world becomes shrouded in thick fog. Broken buildings and pale light litter the grounds.

Where she built her love for reading, for history, for creativity and study and learning, it's arranged as rooms with dark marbled tile and a carpeted path, the floor for dozens of feet on either side littered with piles of books.

Dove's inner happy place is an open field on gently rolling hills, where thoughts take the form of birds and somehow the sky holds both the stars and suns. One might find trees, flowers, abstract forms of cottages, and forts loaded with mugs and cozy cushions. If you wander far enough you'll find very tall stone walls surrounding it, because Dove's mind is such that her happiness is one of the few things she really truly believes she needs to protect from the rest of herself.

And then there are the aspects of herself that she shoves the deepest down, secreted far away from the surface: the anger, the hunger for power, the mean streak. (Yes, believe it or not, Dove does have a mean streak! You just have to work especially hard to bring it out. Or trigger her in just the right ways around sadism, violence, war, or death. It's very much Not Recommended; bringing too much of that mean streak out could mean Dove loses control of her powers, or worse: her demonic aspects.)

Those secret forces aren't so much located in one particular space of her mind as they're hidden in every dark corner, coursing through the underside of all the ground, a tantalizing power running through every part of her, only ever set free enough to use the dangerous powers to her own ends.

Her places for Fear and Curiosity in particular will be explored in the upcoming Missing: Raven rewrite. (As they're the strongest things Dove is feeling in that story, that's going to be what Beast Boy and Cyborg encounter.) I also explored the way these things manifest in DDD, and in that same story Dove will focus on rebuilding Peace in the final chapter.

I can't talk about Dove's mindscape without mentioning the "emoticlones". These fun little guys are called by the fanon term given to Raven's "emotion clones", the separate parts of her that express a specific set of traits based on particular aspects of her personality. I had so much fun playing with their voices and thoughts in Dove's head during DDD, you have no freaking idea! I also copied the concept of them having Colored Cloaks from Teen Titans canon, because honestly it's a quick and easy way to identify them, and the fandom's familiar with this system through Raven.

Which colors mean what was more inspired by details from a really old, now-defunct website called Cartoon Orbit that had separate "online trading cards" for each of Raven's emoticlones! On that site, Raven's were labeled as such, and this is what I based Dove's system on, loosely: - Pink: "Raven Happy" - Red: "Raven Rage" - Orange: "Raven Rude" - Yellow: "Raven Smart" - Green: "Raven Brave" - Brown: "Raven Fear" (I'm pretty sure there was a purple one, but I don't recall what it was called. "Love" maybe? That might be from fanon; this site was running like 15 years ago, and I was like 10 years old, so I hardly thought to pay Super Special Attention to it...)

But I digress. The point is, I adapted that system for the key aspects of Dove's unique personality, and came to understand them as follows:

- Pink: Joy, relief, coziness - Red: Cruelty, impulsivity, anger - Orange: Apathy, indifference, disregard - Yellow: Curiosity, study, intrigue - Green: Courage, determination, activity - Blue: Contentedness, pacifism, spirituality - Purple: Compassion, friendship, romanticism - Gray: Sadness, grief, longing. - Brown: Fear, fear, fear!

But for Dove's mind in particular, it's not only HER experiences and personality that form the world! She's a telepath, and though she holds others' privacy in very, very high regard and tries never to read someone's mind without their permission, her sense of receptive telepathy is ever-present. Echoes, lights, shadows, reflections of others' memories and thoughts might affect the very edges of her mind. It's a constant sense, but it only ever causes very ephemeral changes unless something deeply affects her.

Her mindscape also grows and changes as Dove grows and changes, experiences life, learns to cope, and changes how she handles her own emotions.

Most notably, the internal struggle in DDD tore her mind apart. Initially it was due to a breakdown of certainty and confidence, hastened by guilt and grief, but it soon became a deliberate tactic to wage war on the parts of Dove's mind that were trying to resist the evil; eventually her inner demon began intentionally breaking/corrupting everything it could touch.

By chapter 20, that evil is the only strong and stable thing in Dove's mind. Raven's attack to remove the evil in her took away that stability, and strength, and thus took away what was essentially the last support holding Dove's mind together. As it says in the story: "everything collapsed". Dove's mindscape was utterly destroyed, and only the most basic aspects of her remained.

For awhile, that left Dove unable to remember things clearly, or feel emotions without great pain. Rebuilding it to the point where she was able to talk and feel Mostly Normally again took months of meditation.

When Dove is kidnapped and Leyla has distressing dreams about her mother, she, Srentha, and Raven use the mirror to check on Dove by accessing her mindscape. With her powers stripped away, surrounded by people who mock her, and certain Fauni rituals sickening Dove to her soul, naturally her mind is very different: shadowy forms flitted at the edges of vision, the ground wavered, her discomfort was thick in the air and the constant fear made everything so, so cold. "Shadows" of others' thoughts flashed in and out of existence, and Dove's desperation manifests as fleeting voices on the wind. It's uncomfortable to be in her mind while she's so distressed.

It's also worth mentioning that her mindscape changes again, essentially "growing" the part of her that belongs to Love when she finally lets herself love Srentha, and it expands again when Leyla's born and Dove once more finds depths of love she didn't know she could carry.

#oc tober #oc tober 2021 #rhs has ocs and this is the tag about them #iala yona #ddd #rhs oc tober

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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 4 years ago

Note

[SPOILERS FOR LEO’S ROUTE❗️] okay so i just got to the bit after leo reveals what he is, and mc and comte are talking on the balcony & comte offers to turn her into a vampire if she would like. obviously mc declines but i guess my question is, how do you think leonardo would react if mc DID agree to that offer? i am enjoying his route, but i kinda get the feeling he mostly/only loves mc because she is human :/ im interested abt what might happen if she didn’t say no? thank you v much💖💖ly lots

Aww, ily3 hun tyty 💕💕💕I’ll offer my thoughts below, I hope I can answer your questions to satisfaction!

Ah yes, the point in Leo's route where I essentially get shot in the leg and limp through my walk of shame

Jk jk, but I think there has been a considerable degree of displeasure associated with Leonardo's line in the proverbial sand. No life with him can be spent as a vampire, MC must remain human. Despite his easygoing nature, he remains stalwart in his opposition no matter what the MC or Comte has to say. To summarize it quickly, Comte’s relieved exasperation at the end of Leo’s MS gets more across than I think any of my analysis can convey “Thank heavens one of you has good sense.” It offers the implication that he has tried to broach the topic with Leonardo out of concern, only to be met by a brick wall--or doesn’t try at all for fear that he’ll only ensconce Leonardo further into rejecting a greater future for him and MC.

As to how he would react I......really don’t think it would go well? Only because I think it would serve to reinforce the rifts that already exist in Leonardo’s self-perception. He would believe it was his own fault for pushing her in that direction, and while I don’t think he would hate Comte, he would definitely become estranged from one of his only close friends in life. (What GUTS ME about Comte offering to turn MC is that he is probably well aware Leo might beat the shit out of him, never talk to him again, or both--and he still fully accepts that he could lose his best friend to guarantee a future for both of them. Excuse me while I bawl in the corner) He probably wouldn’t hold it against Comte for too long, but he wouldn’t be any less aggrieved and hurt. And when Leonardo is vulnerable, he will hide and nurse his wounds until he can behave with some level of calm--or at the very least until he can pretend he’s okay after an initial explosion. He doesn’t feel comfortable troubling people with his own problems, so he tends to fall into silence when personal things come up. This doesn’t necessarily mean he resolves all of his emotional turmoil, or heals that fast; it only means that he wallows in those feelings alone unless they’re tugged out of him and worked through forcibly.

Basically, I see only one of two possibilities coming to fruition. The first is that he and MC would wobble only to completely fall apart if some kind of resolution could never be found. He’d continue to blame himself and start sabotaging his own happiness, and that would likely mean some level of selfishness directed at MC--resulting in anguish for the both of them. If MC takes on too much without complaint or Leonardo goes too far...I get the feeling that relationship would either end in shambles immediately, or result in a kind of twisted union in which both feel responsible for the other’s hurt but neither one can relieve it (until they’d be forced to split up before someone gets seriously hurt). They would be the source of each other’s suffering, so much so that the walls climbing between them might never again lower.

This might sound odd, but if there’s one thing that Leonardo needs it’s control when it comes to his relationships with others. It is a subtle, but acute trait that might not seem obvious knowing his magnanimous disposition. He decides if MC gets to be a vampire, he bargains with Sebastian because he refuses to be a test subject, he refuses to validate Comte’s conclusions (despite knowing he’s right) because he doesn’t want to cede the power silence/smokescreens offer his emotional vulnerabilities. Even around villains like Shakespeare and the final serial killer, pay close attention. Shakespeare begins revealing deeply personal information and wishes that Leonardo holds close to his heart on purpose, snatching Leonardo’s agency and ability to control how his feelings are being conveyed. How does Leonardo respond? With explosive, forbidding anger--instantaneous and barely contained, nothing at all like his breezy attitude and calm.

If you think about it, it’s a fairly obvious extension of the humiliating powerlessness by which he was raised (he needs to be in control; he needs to be the one who decides who gets to walk away and who doesn’t. He doesn’t come on to MC because he wants to, he does it for the sole purpose of scaring her out of wanting to be a vampire. He doesn’t even attempt to explain where he’s coming from because he falls into whole-scale panic. When he loses control of the trajectory of others--of how they perceive certain things about him--all of his charisma fails him. If he can’t explain or justify where he is mentally, when he’s too afraid they won’t hear him or care, then he needs to redirect the opposing party). Additionally, he feels responsible; that he can better adjust the outcome with his experience--and while that may be true for some things, sometimes he gets ahead of himself. Only an individual can decide their own future and their own happiness, the most others can do is enhance or worsen aspects of life. He doesn’t have enough faith that his presence is positive or worthwhile enough to guarantee his spouse’s happiness ;-;

The other possibility I see is MC coaxing him as best she can into reassurance that she’s happy with her new life. While he may have doubts, there is absolutely room for her to help him approach those fears little by little. If Leonardo has even a hint of doubt in regards to his dismal feelings about her being turned, a potential for acceptance may be nurtured. I don’t think his uncertainty would ever fully vanish; there will always be a lurking fear that a fate tied to his can only mean suffering and disappointment. Prove his worth and compassion with time, and this man will be unable to remember how life was lived before her. It would take a great deal of patience and a sizable obstacle, but it wouldn’t be impossible. His heart is much too big for that, I think.

I don’t think happiness with a turned MC is impossible, only that it would take a lot of work to swing it after a heated moment of decision. I think the way to go with Leonardo is a more enduring effort. He shows much more receptivity after years of being together. I think time, ironically, helps him relax into the possibility of forever as a couple. I think he cannot conceptualize a world in which he is in love, and that this love is not conditional--not dependent on his ability to be the perfect companion, the brilliant inventor, the equanimous mentor. I think he needs to see for himself that love can be gentle and real and whole even when he’s at his worst (by his self-perception).

Also I put some extra meta under the cut because I have brainworms and just can’t stop thinking about Leonardo rn so read if you like, but it’s more related to why he feels this way abt turning MC than necessarily about the outcome.

That being said, I'm conflicted because I don't necessarily think Leonardo only loves MC because she's human? (Rather, I think it’s more a result of his history and the values he’s developed in response to that upbringing. But I’ll loop back to this in a bit, so stay tuned)

I say this for two reasons. Firstly, I don't want to say that no person in this period shared his values (I mean look at Comte)--this would be an overstatement, even if it was rare. But it does appear that Comte and Leonardo are acute exceptions within vampire society in elevating human beings to an equal status among vampires (if not a higher status at points or depending on the person). As such, a vampire partner he’d be comfortable living with is unlikely. Human beings are more optimal in some regards (more adaptable and more egalitarian than vampires, most likely), but he also knows that he’s more susceptible to falling in love with a human; so he makes sure to squash his feelings or remove himself when his feelings become too intense.

Secondly, he's in close quarters with MC by necessity, and reacts to her isolation by virtue of the situation. That's probably half the reason they get together at all; he was fully intending to keep his distance despite his initial curiosity. One thing this signals to me is that even when Leonardo did feel attraction to any person he was in contact with, he would avoid them until they were removed from his presence--or he deflected their romantic approaches enough times for them to give up. With this in mind, it can come as no surprise that Leonardo has kept to himself for nearly five hundred years now. If it was another vampire hitting on him (especially a pureblood), he would be playing into his parents' expectations and would approach the vampire social hierarchy he was working so hard to escape. If they were human, he would deem himself a burden; he could never love them within the normal expectations of a human couple (growing old together, raising a family, etc etc). So ultimately I think it's less her being human, and more their compatibility and context.

As such, I think he just locks himself into a kind of Catch-22? Because in the end I think this is more about his own fears and insecurities--that he can never make someone happy, that he himself will never be enough (hello child of abusive home). Not to oversimplify his character, but one crucial element of his upbringing must be considered if he is to be analyzed properly.

There's something I often think about:

Comte, quoting Leonardo: "‘Not all parents love their children, or even think of them as such.’" [Though he got away and was able to make a life for himself, he had to do it alone.]

There is. A LOT to unpack here. While we may not have evidence of what his familia is like firsthand, this description tells us...so many heartbreaking things. It tells us that Leonardo never once felt like anything more than a child intended to carry on a legacy. The likelihood that his insights, his feelings, or his entire self-hood were acknowledged is pretty much at a hardcore negative three. While it's been a good number of years since he was the problem child/family disappointment, I feel like so many of those experiences seep into his capacity to properly accept the love of another person. It's a good portion of the reason he struggles so intensely with being loved despite his unfathomable wealth of affection for other people. When a person is diagnosed with unlovable and cringe for having positive feelings for others, it's not really surprising that a person might have trouble accepting a commitment or attraction to another person. There is...a kind of Sisyphus dilemma that surfaces in the wake of that kind of life, a constant push + pull between craving acceptance and either expecting it’s loss and/or fearing it’s disappointment. Though he shows signs of healing from it, there are still portions that linger. (Jean-Paul shakes him from this self-berating in his MS, but after four hundred years he still struggles to overcome those instincts. I wish there were words for the extent to which that knowledge breaks my heart...Many say time heals all wounds, but sometimes I think only others can heal them.)

Keep in mind, I don't think his enduring fallacy that "human beings are the epitome of untainted purpose and vitality" is irrelevant or less problematic here. I just think it's a reflection of a deeper disturbance and loss. It's a reflection of his parents' unilateral rejection of the kinder parts of him; his devotion to patience and understanding. It's a kind of reiteration or what he's already known: he's doing exactly what his parents did in an odd way, he's rejecting vampirism whole-scale despite evidence of both pros and cons (just as it is for humanity). I will always offer that his fear of something going wrong during the change is completely valid--but it does feel more like a fear of admitting that vampires (and eternity for that matter) aren't inherently awful. He ran away from his parents for good reason of course, but for all his running he didn’t escape their black and white logic.

It’s funny too, because his absolutism is kind of reflected in his inability to commit to a single discipline in some ways; while part of it is that he probably exhausts study, I have to wonder how much of him oscillating is a fear of eventual failure. (Think his reaction to MC’s knowledge that he can’t dance, his mortification and utter...shock that she wouldn’t use it as a way to make him feel terrible about himself). He probably prefers to hone his skills helping people because the motivation of providing relief is a much more powerful motivator than knowledge for knowledge’s own sake. He needs the impetus, that drive to move him.

Granted, I won't fault anyone for feeling like Leonardo only loves MC for her humanity. At first glance it really did feel that way! But the more I think about it, the more I feel it has more to do with the weight of his life's experience, and the parts of himself he hasn’t been able to reconcile.

Sometimes, with Leonardo, I urge gentleness. So much of who he is disguises all the ways in which he has been hurt. While his decision is selfish and foolish, it comes from a broken place. My unhappiness will always lie predominantly with the fact that he believes to his core that happiness and self-respect is something he doesn’t deserve.

#asks #ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp leonardo #ikevamp mc #ikevamp meta #ikevamp saint germain #ikevamp comte #er this response got a lot longer and more detailed than i meant it to be but uh #i hope it's helpful?#this is just how i tend to think about the game but then im also a feral leo stan alhkjadagd #im just that meme like 'i love you but i hate you but i love you' with leo LMFAO #sometimes u just gotta smack some sense into the man (which is why i love that Jean-Paul does exactly that HAHAHA)#but yeah most of the time i look at leo and have to resist the urge to cry and the recent event has been absolutely no exception #i would die for him

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theouterbankpogues · 5 years ago

Text

after sarah doesn’t invite kiara to her birthday party (a jj x kiara fic)

author : theouterbankpogues aka vi

fandom : jj x kie, jiara | outer banks on netflix

tags : the angst, the fluff, the hurt, the comfort y’know!!

warnings : none

i love writing for this ship bc it has a chokehold on me and i just... i’m so helpless lmao. i read this hc set by @lemon-patches (which you should definitely go and read bc it’s amazing and all the feelings) and it talked about how jj and ki were each other’s first kiss and no one else knows. this is basically how i imagine it happened. enjoy!! as always the validation feeds me so yeah if you like it pls share it and stuff (i love reading tags on reblogs so lmao do with that what u will). i imagine they are 15/16, about 6-8 months before s1 idk if that adds up but lol thats what i went with. sorry for any errors u may find xx

a little preview so u know what you’re getting into hehe: “They stood like that for a while, long and quiet breaths synced, arms entangled in waist and shoulders, hearts rhythmically beating, just enjoying the warmth of the best friend they dearly missed.”

Tears streamed down Kiara’s face. She knew that calling the cops was petty, she knew it was the worst of her manifesting itself, but tonight Ki couldn’t bring herself to care. She found herself toppling some books off of her bookshelf. She had always known that she wasn’t good enough for Sarah. The Sarah Cameron. God, she felt so stupid.

Another wave of regret coursed through her. The pit of her stomach hollowed when she re-remembered that she’d actually listened to her parents and decided to give her kook year a genuine try. She had distanced herself from the cut and the pogues, her best friends, the people that she could always count on, the people who always cared. She gave it all up for the superficial bullshit she knew would eventually fall apart.

That entire evening, the anger and regret approached her in harsh and unforgiving turns. She couldn’t escape her own thoughts, she was so mad at herself. She had let herself become vulnerable, given herself up for someone to use and dispose. She felt so weak. All she really wanted to do was fit in, to have a normal year where she wasn’t disappointing her parents, where she wasn’t out at unreasonable hours getting her friends out of messes, watching their string of luck grow thinner and thinner with every prank and practical joke. She was tired of being the middle between the kooks and pogues, she loved the latter and she could’t escape the part of her that was the former. She just wanted to resign to one side, she just wanted things to get easier. Kiara had decided to leave everything for some peace of mind, and now she knew she’d made a mistake. She hadn’t even checked in with John B, his dad was missing and she hadn’t even checked in with him. God, she felt so stupid. Her sobs overtook her as she sat at her bed.

She was so exhausted from the crying she could scream, it had been a few long hours. And Ki, in a moment of clarity, convinced herself that she was too strong for that. Even though she felt horrible, she reminded herself that she was too careful to let this anger get the best of her. Instead, she resorted to taking a few deep breaths and cleaning up the various books and stationary strewn across her bedroom floor as a remnant of her anger. What had happened had happened, she was just going to have to figure out how to cope on her own.

Yeah, I just have to figure it out on my own. I’ll be fine.

That’s when she heard it.

Thud.

Thud. Thud.

Thud.

‘What the-’

She realised that the sound was coming from her window. Stepping toward the side of her room facing the balcony, she realised that pebbles were currently being thrown at her window by a silhouette below it. She couldn’t tell who it was because the backdoor lights had been switched off for the night. It was well past midnight and her parents were soundly sleeping in the next room, she swore she would never forgive the person currently trying to break her window if they woke up. She didn’t want anyone to see her as the mess she was right now. So as quickly and as safely as Kiara could, she opened the balcony window, “What the actual— JJ? JJ is that you?” Kiara couldn’t really understand what was going on, she had stopped talking to the pogues months ago.

“Yeah, hey Ki! Come down!”

“What?”

“You heard me bro, get dressed and come down!”

After a curt nod, she went back into her room, changed out of her PJ’s into some joggers and a hoodie and found herself sneaking out the back door out of genuine curiosity. When she was outside, she realised that neither Pope nor John B were with JJ. Along with that, she realised that he had two boxes of pizza and some beer cans set down on the grass next to him.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“I was scrolling through Instagram, realised you weren’t at the party, thought you might need a pick me up,” He seemed to register her tired face and puffy eyes under the dim starlight because he continued, “guess I was right!”

And that’s how, twenty minutes later, JJ and Ki found themselves in a clearing near her house. They sat down opposite each other, the pizza boxes separating them.

“Got your favourite, double cheese, double pepperoni and half the jalapeño.”

Except for the occasional direction here and there, Ki had been quite their entire walk. She couldn’t really even process what was happening. How was JJ here? Why was he talking to her after she’d treated them him like shit the past few months? None of it made sense to her, least of all why this was all from JJ. With all of it perplexing her, the only thing she managed to say was, “You remembered.”

‘Yeah of course I did Ki, just because you stopped talking to us doesn’t mean we stopped caring about you. Come on, dig in, it’s getting cold.”

She didn’t know how to respond to him so she just followed him in picking up a slice from the box. Warm pizza , cold beer and melted cheese heavily complemented the gentle breeze that surrounded them. They fell into a comfortable silence as they ate.

“I’m so sorry.”

“I know Ki-”

“No, everything I did these past few months, the way I cut you guys off, the way I left y’all when you needed me I-”

“Ki we know-”

“God, I’ve been so stupid, I left you guys, like y’all were nothing, y’all needed me and I-”

“Ki, Ki-” Ki just continued, she felt horrible, “KIARA!” JJ saying her full name was so foreign to her, especially since he hadn’t even call her by her nickname these past few months, it undoubtably got her to stop talking.

“I know the pressure your parents put on you to start at that kook academy. Look we all know how hard it is for you to manage these two parts of your life. I know Ki, you don’t have to keep apologising, I know. We know! Why do you think we didn’t try to talk to you when you told us last summer? We want you to do what’s best for you Ki, you are better than us.” At that, Kiara got up and paced back and forth a few steps, remorse hitting her unbearably.

“I’m not better than any of you. A part of me wanted to leave you all behind.”

JJ’s response was almost instantaneous, “I don’t blame you for it!”

“Well you should! I left you and Pope. I left John B for god’s sake. His dad is most probably dead and I wasn’t theRE.... I-I’m not there.”

At this point the tears had returned to her and she broke on her last word. Her voice wasn’t steady anymore. “I left all of you... I left you.”

JJ couldn’t stand hearing Ki like this, there’s nothing he hated more than having to let down his guard and get real. But JJ, when she said that, realised that this wasn’t about him.

“Yeah Ki you did, but fuck that. We know you love us, we know that it was a difficult call! You have to forgive yourself. The reason I came tonight was to let you know that you have the people that care about you Ki.”

He stepped toward her and looked her right in the eye, Ki had never seen someone so determined with compassion before, “Whatever you do Ki - if you wanna go to the kook academy, if you wanna be friends with Sarah Cameron, if you wanna cry about how horribly she treated you, if you wanna listen to your parents and not talk to us, if you wanna leave the cut- we’re never not going to have your back. You’re a pogue. You’re our pogue! And if Sarah Cameron can’t see how kickass you are, she doesn’t deserve you and she never did. You got us Ki, we’re always right here. No matter what.”

And throughout all of that, he hadn’t stopped looking directly at her. She was enamoured to say the least, she couldn’t remember the last time JJ talked about something that real, let alone carry an entire conversation himself. Knowing her words wouldn’t suffice, she hugged him. She smelt the sea salt in his hair and pizza grease on his shirt and it was the epitome of comfort to her. JJ hugged her right back, it meant the world to him that he could make her feel at least a bit better. They stood like that for a while, long and quiet breaths synced, arms entangled in waist and shoulders, hearts rhythmically beating, just enjoying the warmth of the best friend they dearly missed.

Before they could completely untangle from the other, Ki looked back at JJ, god, how did she get so lucky to have someone like him in her life? The air lightened around them as she looked at him, his eyes regained the mischievous glint they always had. It might’ve been because she was slightly tipsy, or because he was staring so intently at her, but for some reason, it felt right. There was no waiting or thinking, she rested her hands on either side of JJ’s face and kissed him. His lips were chapped and they tasted like beer but she loved it. A rush of adrenaline ran through her, it was new and exciting.

When JJ processed her soft lips on his, and her hands caressing his face, he pulled back. Along with confusion and surprise, there was something in his eyes that Ki couldn’t recognise. But before she decided on asking him what it was about, he was already kissing her again.

And this time there seemed to be nothing holding him back. His hands were wrapped around her waist, she was grabbing fistfuls of his hair in reciprocation. They knew that they would never be able to do it again so they just gave in. His hands travelled to the small of her back and her neck and she swore that she had never felt something more intoxicating.

Ki had forgotten where they even were when they broke for air. They were both just breathing, eyes closed and foreheads touching, it was the closest thing to perfect the either of them had ever felt.

When they opened their eyes and looked back at one and other, they were surprised at how comfortable it felt. How... un-awkward, it oddly felt right. But they knew what the rules were, they knew that when Ki got home, they would never talk about it again, and they were fine with that too.

As they approached her doorstep, JJ couldn’t help himself but ask, “Was that your first-” “Yeah.” “Yeah, mine too.” “What?” Kie thought he was joking, JJ had flirted with every other tourist at the boneyard since they were like ten, “Mine, too.” He repeated. There was an honesty to his response that stopped Ki from asking any further.

She hugged him again. “Thank you for this. I missed you.” He hugged her right back.

“I missed you too. When you come back to us, more beer will be waiting for you no questions asked, don’t ever doubt it.” With that, he placed a soft kiss on her forehead and left.

Ki had a small smile playing on her lips; she had never felt lighter in her life.

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muwi-translates · 5 years ago

Text

Collar x Malice Short Story: Inside the Box

Christmas Shiraishi-centric short story.

HEAVY SPOILERS. Only read this AFTER you have finished the first game.

**Please don’t move this translation or claim it as your own.**

Generally speaking, the thing called ‘Memories’ is not clear.

Unlike memory as information, it has no fixed form. Its content can depend on the person.

Sometimes sad memories turn into hatred, and happy memories sometimes turn into delusions.

The human brain can't be trusted. It can automatically rewrite itself for its own benefit.

I, who did not require ‘Memories’ —— surely it is the same for Shiraishi Kageyuki the human.

◇ ◇ ◇

This was when I lived in the ‘Facility’.

Every day, every minute and every second, I lived like a machine.

For me, who knew how to suppress pain and happiness as soon as I understood how, all I had was ‘Curiosity’.

The vast amount of knowledge grew with each passing day. Memories of the outside world were written in letters. Like events of a distant world, even the difficult to read special books were simply ‘Unknown Stories’ to me.

I thought that my desire to know things defined my personality. However, when I think about it now, it may have been a desire planted in me as part of my training. Training to become a perfect doll.

"Christmas. The festival celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, coming from the word "Christ mass", it takes the form of many activities in Japan—...”

Inputting information was simple. However, I was also trained how to ‘Use Memory’. If a huge amount of information stayed on the surface of the brain, it will become confused, so if it is not necessary, there was no need to take out the memory sealed in the deeper layers.

(Gifts are put under a tree, and you gather with your family around the dinner table…)

Perhaps this information will also be stored in a box that is rarely retrieved from.

Of course I knew the basics, it was only carefully investigated because it was related to other information.

(Giving love to each other...for what...?)

The outside world is full of as many far-fetched, mysterious customs as mountains. If you had questions about everything, it would only make the processing slower. But this time, I was not sure why I was so interested in this subject.

"Are you interested in Christmas?"

——Suddenly hearing a sound coming from behind, my shoulders moved unconsciously.

Points are deducted if you are seen reacting. I immediately pretended to be calm and looked back, only to see an unfamiliar face.

“Your hand, it’s been paused on this page for a while now.”

What peered at me was a pair of eyes full of serenity, transparent no matter where you looked — like glass balls.

"No, I'm very sorry. I memorised it without any problems."

"I’m not blaming you for anything. I know you have good scores here."

He was a high-ranking person who has inspected this ‘Facility’ many times.

But his appearance did not match his position, with his youthful face. He appeared to be younger than me.

I remembered his name, because it was necessary for me to do so. —Mikuni Rei. He was a human who worked with those who ‘control’ us.

“I’m interested why you, someone that’s like a precision machine, showed interest in ‘that’, that’s all.”

"I didn't become interested... I just had questions."

"Like?"

“......”

What was the meaning of his response? Was I being tested, or was he being whimsical? Either way, I had no right to not reply.

"Why do humans, who aren’t related to that religion, choose to give each other love on that day? What for?”

"...I think there are many other things similar to it but..."

"Yes. But... after reading this information, I think for the average person, this part seems to be more special than others."

As I finished speaking, he— Mikuni Rei’s eyes became slightly dim for some reason. Careful observation of the facial expression can lead to an answer.

【Pity】

A boy in the ruling class felt compassion for a stray cat trapped in a box.

A sense of superiority, a desire for control, and empathy. There were many times where I wanted to give it a name, but it was difficult to understand because I was immature.

"Human feelings... cannot be explained by theory alone. If you feel special, it must be because it touches your heart.... If the other person is the object of your envy and admiration, they are not bound by rights or wrongs."

Thoughts continued to sound as the words continued.

If ‘we’ have feelings for a particular thing, in his viewpoint, it is not a good thing. However, he agreed.

“Why do you treat me like a human?”

“Eh?”

Asking questions is normally prohibited. But now my curiosity had prevailed. This was a serious error. There should be no more curiosity beyond the rules.

"You said these things about a pawn, things impossible to explain with theory."

"...You are right. I don't know why. It's just..."

After speaking, his bewildered gaze stayed on me, and then he spoke unwaveringly.

"Number 14. I... don't want you to be unhappy."

...At that time, he smiled.

But what kind of smile it was— I can’t remember.

Pitiful? Loathing? Hateful? Kindly?

I don’t remember. I can't remember.

Because it's stored in a box that can't be taken out, deep and deep inside.

◇ ◇ ◇

In my dream, someone is calling my name.

“————Shiraishi-san.”

Did I always have this human-sounding name? I want to lie and tell myself that this is true.

But it's impossible. Even my name, which was supposed to be just a code, has become so dear to me.

“Oi, Okazaki! There’s no room for you here for dinner!”

"How mean. But it's okay, I'll eat some from Mineo-san’s.”

“It’s NOT okay! No one told you to come!”

“I’m sorry, Enomoto. ...I was the one who called Okazaki here today.”

“Geh! Yanagi-senpai?! When did you fall this guy’s wily ways—!?”

"His voice was so loud we heard it from inside, obviously he’ll attract attention. Yanagi-san probably didn’t want to disturb the neighbors."

“Yanagi-san let me in when I kept saying ‘I’m so cold… I’m so lonely…’, fufu, he’s so nice.”

“So you just left Yoshinari outside? Talk about pitiful…”

“I'll bring him a souvenir later. It's food that Yanagi-san and Ichika-chan made together. It'll definitely be delicious."

“I don’t know if it’ll suit your tastes but… Ah, but Yanagi-san’s food, I promise it’ll move you! It’s definitely not inferior to food you’ll find at high-end restaurants.”

"Why does the stupid cat look so proud?"

"It looks good thanks to Hoshino being particular about the arrangement."

“Yanagi-senpai…! I’m getting a little jealous watching you two compliment each other, please stop it!!”

Ah, so noisy. Completely unproductive dialogue. There’s no calculation and no falsity, the boring everyday that I like.

When did I get used to this warmth and treat it as part of my everyday?

While I was thinking in a daze, Ichika-chan reached out to me.

“Shiraishi-san, come here. The party has already begun."

——Party? ……Is that so? Has it started?

"These were all made with everything we had. Let's have a good meal today."

——Fufu, as usual, Yanagi-san takes care of others like this.

“......Though I really don’t understand what’s so good about a bunch of us adults coming together.”

——Although that was what Sasazuka said, he also stayed behind to join in.

"Hey, don't stand there in a daze! You’re the protagonist today!"

——Hm? Did Enomoto-kun just call me ‘you’?

“I heard Ichika-chan is giving you a present, right?”

——Even Okazaki is here… Fufu, he must have come in by force.

"Yes. It’s a wonderful gift I prepared with everyone."

I took a box from Ichika-chan who was smiling as she spoke.

I felt strange rather than happy. I was looking right at Ichika-chan, instead of looking down.

Yanagi-kun patted my head, and it also seemed to feel very big. No, maybe it's because I have shrunk.

Thin limbs, short hair. I am the same age as when I talked to ‘Him’ about Christmas.

(Ah. Is this… a dream?)

It seems I dream too much at Christmas.

"But Ichika-chan. I haven't prepared a gift."

"No, Shiraishi-san. We’re...returning you what you gave us."

“...? What I gave you?”

"Yes. You gave us… a lot. It's only natural that we want to return the favour."

“I see… so this is what it means… to exchange gifts…”

"Yes. We want to share it, because we cherish each other. Please open it, and take a look."

“Okay.”

I slowly opened the box, and inside was——、

◇ ◇ ◇

When I opened my eyes, I saw a familiar scenery.

This was their base, called the ‘Detective Agency’. It also became a place I could feel comfortable as well.

“Ah, Shiraishi-san, you’re awake?”

A pair of eyes I seem to always see somewhere, someplace, were looking at me. Crystal clear—like glass balls.

“Ichika-chan…? Ah, huh? Where’s... the present box…?”

"? Fufu, it's rare to see you half-awake. If you sleep in a place like this, you’ll catch a cold. Are you going to the office to stay overnight?"

I realized the reality as my consciousness gradually returned from my awakening.

That’s right. The collar—in order to protect herself from those who had declared to ‘pick her up’, she had taken refuge here with her brother.

The deadline announced by Adonis was approaching soon. In order to make her forget this fact temporarily, I had been talking to them about Christmas. When I thought about the gift she gave—and the only gift I could make, I fell asleep.

(Truly... the ‘Heart’ is so difficult to understand. I… must have been scared to have a dream like that.)

—Everything will end soon.

That smile of his I had gently stored away was blacked out.

The contents of the boxes I had received from her and everyone had been badly damaged and dirtied.

But I decided not to regret it, even if I was scared or in pain.

Because I got the most precious gift in the world.

"Ichika-chan...Thank you."

"Eh?"

"You taught me my first Christmas, right? So, thank you."

"What are you talking about? The real fun starts from now on."

"...Fufu, yeah."

In a few days, we won’t be able to greet Christmas as we promised. Regardless of what happens, it will only make you sad.

Even if I understand that, I want to see it. I don't want to give up. I want to make my wish come true.

This is certainly not a sad story.

I, who had received such a present, could not be unhappy.

Even if I get it dirty with my own hands, this warmth will not disappear.

There’s no reasoning. It’s because I’m human. ...Because I am special.

A shining, sparkling gift for me, who was supposed to be called Number 14.

An opened box filled to the brim with tender memories.

#otome #otome game #otomate #collar x malice #cxm #shiraishi kageyuki #mytranslations

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thethistlegirlwrites · 4 years ago

Text

OC Enneagram types!

@nade2308 I haven't been able to stop thinking about doing this since the Enneagram conversation came up in the Discord, so here it is! My seven main characters (sorry, Rowan, I'm not confident enough to type a tree just yet) and their Enneagram types, plus a short explanation and some quotes about their basic type and wing!

Robin - 4w3 As a basic type of a 4, Robin sees himself as fundamentally different from other people. He isn't sure how to fit into the world, since his dual fae-human nature leaves him feeling on the outside of all of it. He feels broken and incomplete, and keeps trying to create a place that he fits. The 4 tendency to imagine a world where they can belong led him to idealize the hunter world and want to join it like his father, despite his grandfather's warnings against it. The 3 side of his personality is also involved in the effort to fit in, to make himself into an acceptable version that people will like. “Fours feel that they are unlike other human beings, and consequently, that no one can understand them or love them adequately. They often see themselves as uniquely talented, possessing special, one-of-a-kind gifts, but also as uniquely disadvantaged or flawed. More than any other type, Fours are acutely aware of and focused on their personal differences and deficiencies...Healthy Fours are willing to reveal highly personal and potentially shameful things about themselves because they are determined to understand the truth of their experience—so that they can discover who they are and come to terms with their emotional history. This ability also enables Fours to endure suffering with a quiet strength. Their familiarity with their own darker nature makes it easier for them to process painful experiences that might overwhelm other types.” “Threes learn to perform in ways that will garner them praise and positive attention.” John - 6w5 John is deeply tied to his roots, following the family tradition of becoming a hunter with no question of whether or not that was what he wanted to do. To him, duty is the highest thing to seek after, and individual personal goals must always be secondary to what has to be done. the 5 side of his identity comes into play in his work; John feels a sense of pride in working from the shadows, knowing about vampires but hiding that secret from the larger world for its own protection. Like his great-grandfather, he's the sort of person who seeks out a person to be devoted to. Until his brother died, Gabe was the tethering force in John's life. After his death, John drifted away from his home, searching for a new connection, but struggling to find it. “Sixes are the most loyal to their friends and to their beliefs. They will “go down with the ship” and hang on to relationships of all kinds far longer than most other types.”Wanting to feel that there is something solid and clear-cut in their lives, they can become attached to explanations or positions that seem to explain their situation. Once they establish a trustworthy belief, they do not easily question it, nor do they want others to do so. The same is true for individuals in a Six’s life: once Sixes feel they can trust someone, they go to great lengths to maintain connections with the person who acts as a sounding board, a mentor, or a regulator for the Six’s emotional reactions and behavior.” “Investigating "unknown territory"—knowing something that others do not know, or creating something that no one has ever experienced—allows Fives to have a niche for themselves that no one else occupies.” Kira - 5w4 Knowing she would struggle to fit into normal society because of her deafness, Kira seeks to make herself important to others by making discoveries and creating new things. She often called on the 5 tendency to rely on their knowledge and curiosity in her classes, and made a name for herself as the smart girl, not just the Deaf girl. Her passion for strange and new fields of study allowed her to keep an open mind when she first learned of the existence of vampires, and also helped her delve deeply into the lore surrounding them when she became a vigilante hunter. As she's grown, Kira has become more in touch with the 4 side of herself as well, accepting her uniqueness and seeing that as a gift. “Behind Fives’ relentless pursuit of knowledge are deep insecurities about their ability to function successfully in the world. Fives “take a step back” into their minds where they feel more capable. Their belief is that from the safety of their minds they will eventually figure out how to do things—and one day rejoin the world. Fives are not interested in exploring what is already familiar and well-established; rather, their attention is drawn to the unusual, the overlooked, the secret, the occult, the bizarre, the fantastic, the “unthinkable.” ” “Fours maintain their identity by seeing themselves as fundamentally different from others.” Cody - 2w3 Cody is at heart a giver. He grew up being the friend Robin needed, and that was such a formative part of his identity that when Robin left Rowan House to become a hunter, Cody felt adrift. As the youngest child of his family, he'd relied on his friendship with Robin as an outlet for his need to be useful and needed, since his siblings didn't seem to want the nurturing. Since then, he's channeled that into his work, where he enjoys helping people find the information or books or other help that they need at the library. While he's very selfless, Cody is also ambitious, deeply driven to create stories that he can share with the world. His drive to become a published, successful author is the main evidence of his 3 wing. "Being generous and going out of their way for others makes Twos feel that theirs is the richest, most meaningful way to live. The love and concern they feel—and the genuine good they do—warms their hearts and makes them feel worthwhile. Twos are most interested in what they feel to be the “really, really good” things in life—love, closeness, sharing, family, and friendship. Healthy Twos are the embodiment of “the good parent”: someone who sees [people] as they are, understands them with immense compassion, helps and encourages with infinite patience, and is always willing to lend a hand—while knowing precisely how and when to let go." "Threes are often successful and well liked because, of all the types, they most believe in themselves and in developing their talents and capacities. Threes want to make sure their lives are a success, however that is defined by their family, their culture, and their social sphere. No matter how success is defined, Threes will try to become somebody noteworthy in their family and their community." Maira - 9w8 Maira's basic 9 type has allowed her to navigate her world by finding the paths of lesser resistance. She's wise enough to know when to back down and seek another route to her goal, and this has gotten her far in her world. People respect her shrewd 'chess match' movements, but also like her as a person since she has managed to maintain a reputation of being even-handed, understanding, and willing to seek negotiated solutions. But making the mistake of thinking Maira is a pushover is a dangerous one. Her 8 side is strongest when she encounters an injustice or cruelty. Maira has her breaking point, and woe to the person who pushes her over it. "Peacemakers are the skilled mediators and counsellors in a group of friends or coworkers. They work hard behind the scenes in order to keep the group harmony steady and flowing. As children, they knew how to get along with each classmate, making them a great addition to any group project. They can easily see the many different sides to an issue and tend not to jump to conclusions quickly, if at all. Complacent and humble, Peacemakers are stable and gentle, willing to go the extra mile to avoid rocking the boat. Soft-spoken yet firm in their personal stances, they make an effort to neutralize tension and restore group harmony." "Eights have enormous willpower and vitality, and they feel most alive when they are exercising these capacities in the world. They use their abundant energy to effect changes in their environment—to “leave their mark" on it—but also to keep the environment, and especially other people, from hurting them and those they care about. At an early age, Eights understand that this requires strength, will, persistence, and endurance—qualities that they develop in themselves and which they look for in others." Emma - 5w6 Emma's 5 tendency to acquire esoteric knowledge is one of the reasons she's risen so rapidly in vampire society since her turning. She's learned a great deal about herself and her fellow vampires, and she uses that knowledge to her advantage. She's well known for being not only on the cutting edge of knowing what's happening in the city, but for being able to analyze that information and interpret what it will mean for the vampire community and the wider city population. Her 6 side is evident in her formation of a coven that accepts vampires who were not turned by its own members, giving outcasts or vampires who broke free from their sires like her a place of safety. "Fives think, “I am going to find something that I can do really well, and then I will be able to meet the challenges of life.” They therefore develop an intense focus on whatever they can master and feel secure about. Depending on their intelligence and the resources available to them, they focus intensely on mastering something that has captured their interest. Much of their time gets spent "collecting" and developing ideas and skills they believe will make them feel confident and prepared. They want to retain everything that they have learned and “carry it around in their heads.” " "Sixes rely on structures, allies, beliefs, and supports outside themselves for guidance to survive. If suitable structures do not exist, they will help create and maintain them." Arion - 7w8 Arion is perhaps the poster child of the dangerous side of the 7 type. A hedonistic pleasure seeker, he's driven by filling his life with whatever he enjoys. He has acquired a wide range of talents and interests. But his vampire bloodthirst is his most intense drive. Unlike some vampires who control and manage their impulses, Arion embraces them. He revels in the pleasure of drinking real blood, and sees nothing wrong with seeking it out. His 8 side makes him truly dangerous, because in addition to his craving for a life of comfort and ease, he has a powerful drive to do whatever it takes to attain that goal. While he is fully capable of luxuriating in his pleasures, he is also willing to temporarily put them aside in pursuit of one he believes will be even greater." "Sevens are enthusiastic about almost everything that catches their attention. They approach life with curiosity, optimism, and a sense of adventure, like “kids in a candy store” who look at the world in wide-eyed, rapt anticipation of all the good things they are about to experience. They are bold and vivacious, pursuing what they want in life with a cheerful determination. Sevens are compelled to stay on the go, moving from one experience to the next, searching for more stimulation." "Eights do not want to be controlled or to allow others to have power over them. Much of their behavior is involved with making sure that they retain and increase whatever power they have for as long as possible. They often refuse to “give in” to social convention, and they can defy fear, shame, and concern about the consequences of their actions. Although they are usually aware of what people think of them, they do not let the opinions of others sway them. They go about their business with a steely determination that can be awe inspiring, even intimidating to others."

Taglist: @nade2308 @cmvorra @bands-space-and-monsters-oh-my @catwingsathena @asloudasalone @anguishmacgyver @flowing-river24 @myhusbandsasemni @floh673 @teddythecat1234 @bkworm4life4 @viawrites-andacts @amarilloskies

If you want to be added to or removed from my taglist for Magic & Silver stuff, just let me know! (Type description references taken from https://www.enneagraminstitute.com and https://www.truity.com/enneagram/9-types-enneagram)

#magic & silver #my ocs #robin #angus robinson #john stoker #kira burke #maira lawson #cody dayton #emma cole #arion #enneagram

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thelarryficrecplace · 5 years ago

Text

2019 Summer fics I’ve read and enjoyed

Hello friends! As some of you might know already, I took a small break from Tumblr and Fic reading as I had to focus on life for a few months. Honestly, I was almost sure I was going to delete this blog after coming back from travelling but now I’m home it turns out I’m more into reading fics than ever so here’s some fics I’ve read after my break that I’ve thoroughly enjoyed:

Delicate by FallingLikeThis:

Summary: They say opposites attract.

Maybe that’s why nerdy, shy Harry Styles has such a huge crush on rough, brash Louis Tomlinson.

And now, he's stuck in a lift with him.

Word count: 1,492

2,870 Miles by SadaVeniren:

Summary: Harry hated the BT Sports commentators, but considering he couldn’t fly to Baku while eight months pregnant this was all he had if he wanted to watch his husband in the Europa League final.

Word count: 1,508

Moon Dances Over by LadyLondonderry:

Summary: Louis knows that his tail is, frankly, stunning. His iridescent blue scales shimmer in even the slightest sunlight, and his fins have grown since he presented, delicate and almost transparent in their webbing.

He also knows that that means he’ll be one of the first to pick tonight, as the most beautiful omegas are blessed to pick their mates first. It’s considered a huge honour, since the guppies they’ll eventually birth will certainly be beautiful as well, bringing favour on the whole clan.

Louis has a stubborn streak, though. He’s always been rather a fan of mating for love, and there’s someone he’s had his eye on for a long time now.

Word count: 1,982

On the edge of the next nine years by forreveries:

Summary: In which Harry and Louis come out at the Met Gala.

Word count: 2,503

Public Display of Erection by dinosaursmate:

Summary: Louis has moved into his new flat and is surprised by what he witnesses out of his window.

Word count: 2,283

White Stripes by allwaswell16:

Summary: Harry’s roommate is gorgeous, kind, generous, and basically everything Harry has ever wanted in another alpha. The only problem is that he isn’t even sure that his alpha roommate is into other alphas. In an effort to finally get over him, he lets Niall set him up on a blind date.

Word count: 3,148

or are you giving it to someone else by louistomlinsons:

Summary: or, louis hears his neighbor having loud sex through the walls and it's not a problem until it is

Word count: 3,337

Understanding Silences by Jennifer_Kaid:

Summary: Staring at the black swirling ink was something everyone did, fantasizing the voice speaking those words, picturing the scenario that would lead them to find their soulmate. Harry did that too, only, he wondered why would those be his soulmate's first words. It was not a light curiosity, it was big question in his life.

Word count: 3,486

tiny exaggeration by jaerie:

Summary: Louis is frustrated that they've been dating for months and still haven't taken their relationship to the next level. Sometimes the foolishness of the past lingers in the present. Louis wants that to change.

Word count: 3,812

Roll the Dice by allwaswell16:

Summary: Louis has been in love with Harry since they were eighteen. It isn't until Harry's thirtieth birthday in Las Vegas that Louis must finally decide to either tell Harry how he feels or let him marry someone else.

Word count: 3,870

getting high in mine by bottomlinsons:

Summary: Getting home from a festival is miserable by any method, but a three-hour train ride is truly the bottom of the barrel.

This time, though, with the help of the cute guy sitting on the floor, it might not be so bad.

Word count: 3,951

Nothing Can Come Between by HamPalpert:

Summary: Louis comes over for film night, and Harry keeps his hands to himself. Literally. But what's supposed to be a secret self-love session quickly spirals out of control.

Word count: 4,121

take on me by bottomlinsons:

Summary: Louis is an assassin. Normally, he's a very good assassin. This hasn't happened to him before.

Word count: 4,155

hard for me to know i might see you around by coffeelouis (silverspoonharry):

Summary: [or, a TINDER AU where Harry swipes left on Louis' joke of a profile, then ends up stuck next to him on a trans-Atlantic flight.]

Word count: 4,204

Home Remedies by kingsofeverything (FullOnLarrie):

Summary: Louis’ hiccups just won’t stop. Harry, his roommate and best friend, is willing to do anything to help.

Word count: 4,230

Finally Their Time by lightswoodmagic (sarah_writes):

Summary: (Or, Harry and Louis attend the Met Gala together, and suddenly the whole world knows)

Word count: 4,230

Stealing Flowers by lululawrence:

Summary: Or the one where Louis pines after the Sexy Stranger on the Subway and almost asks him out. That's when the strange posters start showing up around Brooklyn.

Word count: 4,287

to be a king beside you somehow by nauticalleeds (metamorphosis):

Summary: Or, Harry and Louis come out at the 2019 Met Gala. It's not supposed to be easy. Somehow, it is.

Word count; 4,723

bloom! by turnyourankle:

Summary: Harry is a florist, and Louis is the very taken repeat customer he can't get out of his head.

Word count: 4,835

My love, he makes me feel like nobody else, nobody else by SilverShadow1:

Summary: The one where Harry screams, 'Daddy!' at a party and what follows is the best night of his life.

Word count: 4,963

Whisk me off my feet by allwaswell16:

Summary: When Louis locks himself out of his apartment in just a pair of novelty underwear, he hopes his new neighbor can come to his rescue.

Word count: 5,054

Thumbing My Way Back to You by 13ways:

Summary: Louis is on his way back to London after the Hits Live Birmingham concert. Harry is flying to New York for the Met Gala. They connect.

Word count: 5,286

I’ll Show You Magic by kingsofeverything (FullOnLarrie):

Summary: Louis didn’t mean to go home with a Muggle, and he didn’t mean to sneak out of his flat in the morning. He definitely didn’t mean to wind up in that same flat a month later, attempting to steal a magical object before the Muggle gets home.

Word count: 5,330

Hey, Mr. DJ by allwaswell16:

Summary: Harry really, really does NOT want to go out to a club tonight and be hassled by a bunch of alpha knotheads, but against his better judgement, he finds himself alone on the dance floor, barefoot, with an orange in his hand. This is all Niall's fault. At least the DJ is the most strikingly gorgeous alpha he's ever seen...

Word count: 5,513

wild love twisting all over for you by angelichl:

Summary: Harry and Louis meet on the set of a video.

Word count: 6,067

Easier by allwaswell16:

Summary: The last person Louis wants to see is his ex-boyfriend who also happens to be his soulmate.

Word count: 6,148

burnt & tied up by tilthesundies:

Summary: Come to the show tonight, Harry told him. Begged him. Pleaded with him.

Louis isn’t doing this for him.

Word count: 6,327

Won't You Love Me? by Halos_Boat:

Summary: Where Louis is Spider-Man, Harry is oblivious, Liam has a problem with communicating his feelings, Zayn is frustratingly handsome and Niall has a pet turtle.

Word count: 6,478

Stay forever by allwaswell16:

Summary: For the last year and a half, Harry has spent his coffee break at the same cafe every day, not because he loves their coffee, but rather because of the gorgeous omega behind the counter making the coffees. As a beta, he’s sure he doesn’t stand a chance with him, so he goes online to find as close a substitute as possible.

Word count: 6,481

Graphic design is my passion by kingsofeverything (FullOnLarrie):

Summary: Graphic design student Louis Tomlinson has exams to study for and final art projects to complete, if it would stop raining long enough for him to walk across campus. Luckily Harry Styles has an umbrella, and he’s perfectly willing to share.

Louis doesn’t plan to get his heart broken and he doesn’t plan to make almost a hundred silicone dildos. One of these things definitely happens.

Word count: 6,482

'Sup by MediaWhore:

Summary: Gemma really wants her little brother to sign up for a dating app and get back in the game after a messy divorce. Harry thinks he’s way too old to swipe. They compromise to devastatingly embarrassing results.

Meanwhile, all Louis wants is to finish the play he’s been commissioned to write, but one of the regulars at his local coffee shop keeps distracting him.

ft. older larry, pushy gemma, harry being a disaster gay and silver fox louis.

Word count: 6,712

Act Out by feermartsant:

Summary: Harry and Louis try to spice it up a little for their 10th year marriage anniversary. Cliché role play ensues.

Word count: 6,721

Traffic Light by dinosaursmate:

Summary: Harry, a university student fresh out of a relationship, attends a Traffic Light Party. He knew all about the red, yellow and green cups, but the blue one confuses him. What does DTF mean, anyway?

Word count: 7,120

streetwise hercules by bottomlinsons:

Summary: Uni AU, where Louis pretends to be Harry's boyfriend to scare away his one night stands.

Word count: 7,272

A Little Bit Like Fate by Galaxie:

Summary: Louis stumbles upon a kiss-in protest for LGBTQ rights, and he meets Harry. They click. It feels a little bit like fate.

Word count: 7,744

i was getting kinda used to being someone you loved by werebothstubborn:

Summary: Louis has a brilliant idea. Harry begs to differ. Until he doesn't.

Word count: 8,376

The Charles Compass Trilogy by SadaVeniren:

Summary: Louis Tomlinson is a successful writer who rents a beach house on the Cape to try and finish the final book in his successful Charles Compass trilogy.

Word count: 8,671

The way you smile by allwaswell16:

Summary: Harry doesn’t need to go on holiday. Unfortunately, his mum and sister disagree, which is how he ends up alone on holiday in the Caribbean. Luckily, he's not alone for long.

Word count: 9,619

You Turned Up (Like a Friend of Mine) by lululawrence:

Summary: Or the one where Harry disappears on graduation day only to show up on Louis' door looking exactly the same ten years later. Through a series of strange events, maybe they can finally figure out that they're destined to be together, no matter what.

Word count: 10,070

Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy by lovelarry10:

Summary: Harry's a barman at Flaming Saddles, a country and western themed gay bar.

Louis’ a customer who’d like to see if the tall barman is as good on the ropes as everyone says he is...

Word count: 10,222

Everything I need I get from you by jaerie:

Summary: In a world where music and sound are just as vital to health as food, Harry is stuck in a town that thinks professional music is a scam and a relationship he never wanted. One chance event changes his life.

Word count: 10,456

all the strings attached by floweredhalo:

Summary: “He wasn’t good enough for you anyway, H,” Louis says and continues eating. Harry’s still reeling from the fact that Louis is jealous. Part of him wants to prove that Louis has nothing to be jealous about, that Harry is fully Louis’ and no one else’s. The other part wants to punish Louis for acting spoiled. But Harry can’t act on either urge, he tightens his hand into a fist in his lap instead.

“No, he wasn’t. He didn’t quite fit the job.”

“Harry, it wouldn’t be a job to date you. It would be lovely,” Louis says, almost in a whisper. They’re sitting closer, Harry just now notices. Louis’ body is completely angled towards Harry and Harry’s body is not far behind.

Word count: 10,517

come together by bottomlinsons:

Summary: Harry and Louis slept together three weeks ago, and haven't talked.Their coming group project is gonna change that.

Word count: 11,079

couldn't be more in love by cabinbythesea:

Summary: Louis Tomlinson is thirty-one. Harry Styles is not. (Best friends with a seven year age gap who fuck because they are both actually smitten and, let’s face it, hot as fuck together).

Featuring an engagement ring without actually being engaged, a Medicine by Harry Styles reference, and a painful playlist.

Word count: 11,502

Eyes Wide Open by lovelarry10:

Summary: The X Factor House. Louis wanks. Harry watches. Everything changes...

Word count: 12,046

Waste the Night by wickedarcher_08:

Summary: Harry is excited to finally see his favourite band in concert and his favourite person, the guitarist of the band, Louis Tomlinson. Little does he know what the night has in store for him.

Word count: 12,196

Breathe In, Breathe Out by dinosaursmate:

Summary: Louis Tomlinson begins visiting a new pub on his lunch break, mostly because he really fancies Harry, the cute, curly-haired barman. As Louis gears up to ask him out, he doesn't realise that there is a huge stumbling block in his way: Harry is taken, and by someone rather familiar.

Word count: 12,408

No Bunny But You by crinkle-eyed-boo (KimmieRocks):

Summary: A slow Monday night behind the bar turns into something else entirely thanks to a new mural and a new customer.

Word count: 13,043

In a sky full of stars, be my Northern lights by we_are_the_same:

Summary: Harry: Hello! Harry: Thank you for swiping right Harry: I have a proposition for you

Word count: 13,420

Could you love me anyway by SadaVeniren:

Summary: aka Harry and Louis begin playing ping pong during the X-Factor Tour. It quickly gets out of hand.

Word count: 13,444

The Boy With The Pearl Earring by lovelarry10:

Summary: Harry heads home after the Met Gala to get ready for the After Party, but there's a surprise waiting for him...

Word count: 14,252

just one look (and i fell so hard) by disgruntledkittenface:

Summary: Harry has wanted to go to the Shubert Theatre ever since he moved to New York and lucked into a rent-controlled apartment just outside of the Theatre District. When he finally gets his chance, he hopes the night can meet his sky-high expectations. But the last thing he could have expected was the man seated next to him.

Word count: 15,274

tonight's not over (come over and stay) by louistomlinsons:

Summary: or, harry is a famous singer and louis is a student who just wants to write his novel

Word count: 16,990

Fiction Romance by rougeandtonic:

Summary: Harry has a type.

He likes older, sophisticated, mature men. Well-educated men. Men with life experience and passion for arts and social causes. Men who are established in their careers, who've sorted their lives out.

Niall knows this.

And so Harry can't understand why he's sat here opposite Louis Tomlinson.

Word count: 17,560

I Want You S'more by 2tiedships2:

Summary: Or the one where the least alpha-y alpha and the least omega-y omega show that secondary genders aren’t set in stone and sometimes it works when you kinda share that.

Word count: 17,939

You Have to Retreat to Advance by 2tiedships2:

Summary: Or the one where Harry is expected to bring his longterm omega to the company's mountain retreat. Since he hadn't told anyone that they'd broken up months ago, he now has to find someone willing to play the part.

Word count: 18,056

Leather And Lace by DEAdea:

Summary: Or a short BDSM AU where Louis wants someone to make him forget how to speak and Harry will do everything to make him say all the words.

Word count: 19,319

say that you can see me (i'll speak up i swear) by coffeelouis (silverspoonharry):

Summary: [or, the liberal arts COLLEGE AU where Harry knows Louis as the best friend of the boy he has been hopelessly in love with for years now and Louis knows Harry as the boy he wished would look away from Zayn long enough to notice him.]

Word count: 20,053

Be Mine, Dear by louisgrindsonharry:

Summary: The one where Louis just wants to meet his mate, and all it takes is for him to get a new neighbor.

Word count: 20,104

Drunk in Love (last thing I remember) by MrsStylinson:

Summary: Or the one where Louis wakes up, naked, in a stranger's bed and has no idea how he got there. Maybe it's foul play. Maybe it's just the kindness of a handsome stranger amused by his drunken antics.

Word count: 22,102

I Drove All Night (To Get To You) by lovelarry10:

Summary: Harry’s job as a chauffeur for the rich and famous was not as flashy as he’d thought. Late nights having to listen to the ridiculous demands and whims of these high profile clients leaves him disheartened with the world he thought was all glitz and glamour.

One night his boss asks him a favour. To collect one last client before he clocks off. Only problem is when that client gets into the car it’s Louis Tomlinson. As in Harry’s all time crush. As in future husband and father of all his children Louis Tomlinson.

He can be cool and professional, right?

Word count: 23,481

The Daddiest Place on Earth by lovelarry10:

Summary: Louis. Harry. Instagram. A whole lot of confusion and a whole lot of laughs...

Word count: 23,558

Whipped Cream by writingstylinson:

Summary: [Harry is a deaf photographer in charge of taking Lottie's wedding pictures. Louis is determined for Harry to be his plus one.

Word count: 24,186

I Can Be Your Hero Baby (Just Let Me Get My Sword) by CalamityK:

Summary: Or that AU where Louis is a private investigator with London's biggest crime boss out for his head, and Harry is the Musketeer he accidentally calls through time to save him.

Word count: 24,531

you are half of me (and I am all for you) by angelichl:

Summary: One Direction, an obscure indie rock band, is about to embark on their first cross-country tour, living out of Louis' beloved van named Patricia.

Harry is in love, and Louis is oblivious. Or is he?

Featuring skinny-dipping in Texas waterfalls, getting lost in the desert, stargazing under the New Mexico sky, performing in front of crowds that grow in size each night, and falling in love on the road during the greatest summer of their lives.

Word count: 24,731

(Something's Been) Hiding In My Heart by lululawrence:

Summary: Or a Sweet Home Alabama AU where Louis comes home to finally get his divorce from Harry finalized so he can move on with his life. Alderford holds its own set of challenges when he returns, but by facing his past maybe he can find the healing he so desperately needs.

Word count: 25,569

Play Me A Memory by jacaranda_bloom:

Summary: Louis lives with his nine-year-old son Jake in a peaceful beachside community on the east coast of Australia, working as an entertainment coordinator at the local five-star resort. Harry is a recluse who lives on millionaires row and writes musical scores for blockbuster movies. When the roots of a wayward willow tree create havoc at his home, Harry is forced to stay at the resort while repairs are carried out.

Cue matchmaking storms, muffin preferences, laughter, love, and a whole lotta music.

Word count: 26,932

And That's The Tea by 2tiedships2:

Summary: Or, the one where Louis loses his soulmate before even getting the chance to meet them, and he is in no way prepared for the kind of distraction his new friend Harry proves to be.

Word count: 27,590

i can reflect the moon by bitterlee:

Summary: it's 1976. harry writes songs. they're about louis. it's none of his business.

Word count: 28,577

gorgeous (it makes me so mad) by resurrectdead:

Summary: or: Harry is a hot mess. Liam is a brilliant roommate. Niall is a wise lesbian co-worker. Clifford is a good boy. Louis is a bad boy. Circumstances are bizarre.

Word count: 29,940

the act of making noise by suspendrs:

Summary: Or, Louis's famous, Harry has no idea who he is, and they get snowed in together at a ski lodge in Vermont.

Word count: 32,084

Welcome Back From The Friend Zone by 2tiedships2:

Summary: Or the one where an idea to create a fake wedding with the sole intent to receive gifts from billionaires took a turn no one, but also everyone, saw coming.

Word count: 32,354

Latching Onto You by reminiscingintherain:

Summary: Or, the one where Louis wants to book Harry Styles to perform at his best friends' wedding.

Word count: 34,313

Found My Hallelujah by crimsontheory:

Summary: As an engagement gift from his parents, Harry and his fiance receive an all expenses paid cruise trip for two. But one week before they're set to sail, Harry walks in on his fiance cheating on him. Newly single, with the cruise tickets in hand, and his bags already packed, Harry brings along his sister instead. And maybe the cute bartender on the ship might just be the person Harry needs to help him put back together all of his broken pieces.

Word count: 34,753

Counterbalance by YesIsAWorld:

Summary: Harry Styles loves two things: teaching ballet and racing motorcycles. Those two worlds collide when his greatest rival on the track, Louis “Tommo” Tomlinson brings his tiny siblings to Harry’s class.

Word count: 44,777

That's What I'm Here For by taggiecb:

Summary: Louis Tomlinson is a dairy farmer on a tiny farm in eastern Canada. His wife of nearly thirty years has left him and his children are all grown up and out of the house. Louis needs help running his business but has no idea where to even start looking. Luckily for him his children know just the man for the job.

Word count: 46,838

Tied to Fate by littlelouishiccups:

Summary: After his estranged father’s death, Harry inherits a castle in England that has belonged to his family for generations and he knows nothing about. When he breaks up with his boyfriend, Harry decides England is the perfect place for a small vacation. He isn’t prepared to meet Louis Tomlinson, a ghost who once lived in the castle and has haunted it for over five hundred years. He’s even more unprepared to fall in love with him.

Word count: 52,313

Shine On (You Crazy Diamond) by larrymaybe22

Summary: The year is 1974 and Britain’s glam rock scene is in full swing. Enter Louis, a broke and dejected student who finds himself on a tour bus of all places, working as a roadie for the enigmatic “womanizer” Harry Styles. Along the way, Louis discovers the cruelty of fame and that maybe there is more than meets the eye beyond the curls, cocaine, and crazy suits.

Word count: 58,750

waiting for the tides to meet by nauticalleeds (metamorphosis):

Summary: Soulmate AU. Everyone is born with heterochromia — one eye is their own eye colour, while the other is the colour of their soulmate's. It's only when they meet their soulmate for the first time that their own eyes match properly. After a hazy night at a frat party, Louis wakes up to blue eyes and the shocking realization that he had met his soulmate, without any sober recollection. Seven years pass where Louis comes to terms with the fact that he'll never know who his soulmate is. Then one fated summer, a beautiful green-eyed photographer arrives at Louis' workplace, with promises of endless laughter and a familiar feeling in Louis' heart.

Featuring a lovely cup of OT5, a road trip down the coast, and a scene where Harry eats a whole head of lettuce. Don't ask why.

Word count: 59,871

Becoming Us by sweariwouldnt:

Summary: Married at First Sight is a television show in which hopefuls looking for The One are matched by experts deeming them to be the perfect match. The twist? They meet each other for the first time at the altar. When they exchange their 'I do's'. And get married for real.

One Harry and Louis find each other at the altar. They have five weeks to make or break the set-up marriage.

Word count: 59,880

Consequences by allwaswell16:

Summary: Two years ago Harry let his powerful family come between him and the love of his life, something he deeply regrets. Louis has tried to move on from their devastating break up. Sometimes, he even thinks he has. It only takes one moment to freeze them back in time.

Word count: 78,566

Face Your Fears by SadaVeniren:

Summary: Harry is a single father, pretending to be a beta after his alpha mated him and left him. He’s getting by just fine raising the twins when Louis walks into his bakery. Too bad him and Louis will never be a thing.

Word count: 92,219

Tired Tired Sea by MediaWhore:

Summary: As a B&B owner on the most remote of all the British Isles, Louis Tomlinson is used to spending the coldest half of the year in complete isolation, with his dog and the sea as sole companions. Until, one day, a mysterious stranger on a quest to rebuild himself rents a room for the winter.

Word count: 113,303

Take Me As I Am by lovelarry10:

Summary: “Suppressant? But… why would I need a suppressant? Alphas don’t take suppressants.”

“You’re right, they don’t.”

****

Secrets. Lies. Deception. Betrayal. Self-discovery.

Alpha. Omega. How far will they go to hide the truth?

Word count: 117,895

#larry #larry au #personal fav #masterpost #larry fic #larry fics #larry fic rec #larry fic recs #fic #fics #fic rec #fic recs #larry stylinson #larry masterpost

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chingonaclawsarchive · 5 years ago

Text

* Note: Since LOGAN takes place in a dystopian world set in the 20th Century Fox world of their ‘XMEN’ in 2029 -- I’ve had to tweak Laura’s canon timeline to fit in with the MCU. These are my compiled ideas/notes for where Laura would/might fit in, according to the MCU timeline. This can also be amended/altered depending upon who I am writing with & whatever stories we come up with on the sides. I will update/list those verses within this list as well. XO. - Betty.

2012. AVENGERS. ✗ verse: ( mcu 001. avengers. ) i am not my enemy.

2002, Alkali-Transigen aka ‘Essex Corp’ ) conducts it’s second round of the Weapon-X program utilizing children ‘perfected’ in a lab/facility. Laura Howlett ( known as X23 amid the program ) was ‘born’ into the program, the daughter of an unknown Latina woman ( who is more than likely murdered by the company shortly after Laura’s birth ) & James Howlett aka The Wolverine. 2012, a 7 year-old ‘killing dream’ begins her hardcore training under the Transigen umbrella, having grown up within their cage and knowing nothing but life within ‘The Facility’. During the events of ‘The Avengers’, Transigen ( more than likely a subsidiary or sister-company to HYDRA ) attempts to gather knowledge/the power of the alien forces that attack Earth. It is quite possible during this attack, the Xmen join the Avengers. - Transigen utilizes newer technology to harness a killing serum that triggers and strengthens the children’s mutant abilities. Through the years they continue to medicate and test the formula out on the children, including Laura; to which they discover if they choose a specific target, she will stop at nothing until said target is vanquished.

2015. AGE OF ULTRON. ✗ verse: ( mcu 002. ultron. ) i can do anything.

2013, 8-year-old Laura, along with her ‘brothers and sisters’ attempt to escape from the underground jail in Mexico ( where she was ‘born’ ) when given word/hope of a safe haven full of mutant-kind. The children are provided stories with the help of comic books smuggled into the facility. Some of which include stories of The Avengers, while others house a storyline shadowing the truth about the XMEN. Upon their first attempt of escape, the children are unsuccessful, and Essex Corp demands that they relocate to a ‘more secure’ unit in New York City. In 2015, the attack of ULTRON commences, more or less rocking the hard walls of the New York facility to rubble. For the most part, with the help of HYDRA, Transigen is able to gather up their little ‘test subjects’, some having successfully gotten away, sadly Laura not being among them. 2016, an 11-year-old Laura with the help of the nurses, including Gabby, leads the pack to escape once more. It’s here Laura encounters her father ( Wolverine/James LOGAN Howlett ), Xavier & Caliban by psionic-ally following Charles’ guidance. During this timeline she goes on the wild chase, running from Transigen and relying on what remains of Logan’s strength. The climax ends with Xavier’s passing and Logan’s sacrifice, and the children successfully fleeing for the Canadian border to ‘Eden’ aka the safe haven which turns out to be a new school for the gifted, headlined by a group of vigilante mutants ( aka, the plotline of Mangold’s LOGAN. ) It should also be noted that during this time period, the X-men are dwindling/dying out, and going into hiding due to many people either wanting to lock them up out of fear or provide them ID badges and what not ( similar to the plot of the ‘Civil War’ in the comics. )

2017. CIVIL WAR. ✗ verse: ( mcu 003. civil war. ) my choice mine.

At 12, Laura quietly slips from the safe haven ( headmistress at this time being Emma Frost ) , feeling as though she’s really more of a danger than anything else, specifically due to the ‘death’ serum. Laura cannot control herself when injected with it, especially if she’s provided a ‘target’. To think she could end up killing one of her own terrifies her, not to mention the more she keeps running the less likely Transigen is to discover her. During the time of the Avengers’ ‘Civil War’ ( between Tony & Steve ), Laura is only a child but spotted through the streets of New York. A time or two, Tony witnesses the feral child having pick-pocketing or slyly stealing a thing or two of necessity. Unable to confine the child or discover her whereabouts, he becomes aware of the ‘mutant strain’ in DNA, now knowing there is far more to this life than other worlds, planets, Norse gods and experimental projects gone wrong like Banner -- Hydra’s been hiding the secret unit to which not only have they began to suppress the X-gene that creates the ‘mutants’ but that they’ve been testing the effects of their serums and juices and what have you on children more-or-less created in a lab with the specific function of utilizing them as some ultimate mutant army. It is a terrible and harsh reality and one he does not take to lightly. Contrary to the comics’ canon ( & the Xmen’s Civil War ) when Tony discovers she is a mutant child born and raised the way she was, he almost feels an obligation to protect her from others who felt mutants ought to be branded or ID’d and what not. ( A bit contradictory to the Xmen comics, I know, but it makes sense when you think of Steve/Capt America in the comics and how against Laura he was in the beginning, I feel he’d be a little apprehensive in the MCU as well. This could change depending upon whom I’m writing with. ) On the search for a place to help her ‘lay low’, Tony keeps her at the compound, until Pepper insists she just come on home with her. ( Again, this can be adapted depending upon the individual story. )

2018. HOMECOMING. ✗ verse: ( mcu 004. homecoming. ) are you sure i deserve salvation?

At age 13, since Pepper thinks it best that the pre-teenage girl get used to a ‘normal’ life, Laura begins attending public school, where she continues to attempt to ‘lay low’. Of course she does her very best to fit in, though there are many ‘human’ things she’s unaware of such as personal space and certain topics of speech. She basically follows the lead of people she feels she can trust like Peter Parker. Technically since Laura also ages much slower than most everyone, she will be a teenager for a longer period in her life. It is within these confines that she learns more about humanity, her compassion for the human race quite evident and her curiosity ever the more present. She spends a lot of time making up for lost time in her childhood, things she’s never discovered, places she’s never been -- a life she never knew she could have. 2019/2023. ENDGAME. ✗ verse: ( mcu 005. endgame. ) i’m f*cking wolverine.

During INFINITY WAR ( obviously just prior to this timeline ) Laura of course fights along side the team sustaining little to no injury even though she could’ve severed a limb or two, due to her mutation, she recovers rather quickly. Upon the realization that she could lose her family of mutants with Thanos’ plan, she scurries to get back to the school, begging many of the others to fight along side the Avengers. She succeeds in convincing several of the XMEN, including but not limited to Emma Frost, to take part in the battle... but it is only to their demise as her healing is too rapid for his ‘curse’ and rather than fluttering into ash, she witnesses all those she holds dear dissipate having to see, once again, the utter destruction of those she holds dear. It tears her apart from the inside. In 2023, Laura is just about to turn 17. -- Upon Tony’s return from space (2019), and the realization that Pepper hadn’t been taken away, Laura barricades herself within the hope she can have a somewhat normal family. She stays with Pepper and Tony, far away from the compound. She takes up her roll as a sister-figure to Morgan, something she absolutely takes seriously. She’d give it all up for this little girl -- hell, for this family. Tony stands in as an unlikely father-figure, but even moreso, Pepper as her mother. ( Again, these choices can be adapted/tweaked depending upon the storyline/plot we have -- maybe Laura grew up at the compound, or with someone else or with Aunt May... the possibilities/ what-ifs are endless... She could’ve also gone off on her feral way, etc etc. )

When the final battle hits, and those who were taken away appear within the portals, a sudden relief washes over her. She has much more to fight for, and she gives it her all. But it is at the loss of Tony where she feels her world crumble once more, wondering if she should go off on her own and call it good, because it seems no matter where she attempts to land, there is far more loss to be had. She contemplates whether or not Logan had it correct when he was always insistent they stay far away from people, isolate and keep to themselves. Of course that was a much different time in the world and Transigen/Hydra has/have more things to worry about than hunting her down lately -- still, it’s a threat. With Peter Parker’s ( and possibly others ) insistence, she remains close by. 2023/24. FAR FROM HOME. ✗ verse: ( mcu 006. far from home. ) el que con lobos anda a aullar se enseña.

Basically, Laura ( now, tech, post-snap almost 18 ) is hanging out with SHIELD, there to aid Peter where needed, more or less helping to keep an eye on him, along with Happy doing her best to stay out of trouble.

#ooc.#✗ soy yo. ╱ lil messican girl is ooooouuuttt.#( mcu timeline. )#✗ verse: ( mcu ) como se cura una herida.#✗ verse: ( mcu 001. avengers. ) i am not my enemy.#✗ verse: ( mcu 002. ultron. ) i can do anything.#✗ verse: ( mcu 003. civil war. ) my choice mine.#✗ verse: ( mcu 004. homecoming. ) are you sure i deserve salvation?#✗ verse: ( mcu 005. endgame. ) i’m f*cking wolverine.#✗ verse: ( mcu 006. far from home. ) el que con lobos anda a aullar se enseña.#long post #long post for ts #* i cannot express enough how laura is a MINOR in most if not ALL of these verses !!!!! k thank bye. xx #✗ ¿merezco la salvación? ╱ headcanon.

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incorrectcatfacestudios · 5 years ago

Text

MID Fusion headcanons 2

A part two to this post

Noi & Pierce

They would definitely become a superhero esque character

Would have a highlighter yellow color to them

Would have a cockiness that neither Pierce nor Noi outwardly show.

Definitely would have a cape of some kind, also would be able to fly.

Very VERY caring, just...the sweetest guy you’ll ever meet

Shows a lot of Noi’s love and compassion mixed with Pierce’s genuine understanding of people. ((Noi can be callous sometimes and while yes he is the friendliest daemos he isn’t exactly the most...umm, Caring? Its hard to explain. Pierce shows more genuine compassion where as Noi’s seems to come from a slightly different place despite him being the sweetheart he is. Noi’s more selfish? I suppose))

Very good at understanding others.

This fusion would normally form not for combat but for helping people out with their problems. Their more of a therapy fusion, but when they do form for combat its usually in a superhero~esque form.

New powers would include flight, and the ability to make thunderstorms. Other than that just Noi & Pierce’s abilities

Would probably sea green horns and eyes,

He’d just be the most slick and just happy dude ever. VERY fun to hang out with. he’s positive but down to earth?

He’d wear a superhero outfit. other than that not much else

ADORES CHILDREN & ALL THINGS CUTE AND INNOCENT.

Not THAATT good with kids but LOVES being around them. They can be a bad role model at times...well not bad but-NOT GOOD either?

has moments of brain farts

Similarly to the Avarce

Noi & Rhys

Curiosity given form.

WOULD DEFINITELY BE A GEEKY GAMER KID

Tries to entertain others like an online personality

Almost always studying everything

HAS THE PUREST SMILE OUT OF ALL OF THEM. Like just he often engages in PURE WONDER

Extremely childish but with a certain level of grace to him. He definitely has poise

Talks....all the fucking time. LIKE A LOT

Loves hearing the sound of his own voice and announcing things.

GETS VERY EXCITED VERY EASILY! Tends to jitter with excitement when faced with a new thing. Can’t hold said excitement in

Probably one of the most curious people you’ll ever meet.

REALLY GOOD AT SINGING! and acting.

Similarly to the Leif & Noi fusion a good smooth talker. BETTER even.

BIG SWEET TOOTH this boy has no self restraint. Noi ate any that Rhys had left.

Extremely prone to getting absorbed in the world around him. and has the attention span of an ant.

Wears a backwards cap

Main color is a green.

almost always carrying a notepad.

Ava & Rhys

HIGH AMOUNTS OF FEMININE ENERGY

Always gets the most ANNOYINGLY smug look on their face when their right

Goes by They/Them, She/Her pronouns preferring nonbinary ones but not really upset by being referred to with feminine pronouns

They are a NEUROTIC MESS, & constantly worrying about things

Looks like a typical anime witch she has a hat and everything.

Indigo color scheme

intense growling.

Fuses Rhys’s vest with Ava’s hoodie wearing the white shirt underneath.

Gains Rhys’s trench coat and turns it more into witchy robes that they wear. They’d have little indigo or periwinkle crystals hanging from their hat.

Their weapon instead of a wand is a magic broomstick that’s ALSO a wand. A wandbroom thingy.

Using magic is a lot trickier with Rhys by her side this time. Ava has to be careful unlike the others he won’t easily forget what she does with him.

They basically have Rhys’s abilities boosted. They aren’t that powerful so not much comes from Ava. Mostly due to the lack of Genuine love coming from Rhys, and the confusion from Ava’s side.

Any power they do gain is from admiration and the more they focus on that the stronger they become. They can create powerful magic barriers, Levitate objects or people ((and control them in the air)), and due many of the things Rhys believes Ava to be able to do with ease. IF they both focus on how much they admire each other, If they don’t then- Not much will happen. ((They can also make brooms fly ))

Stressed 24/7

The “mom” of the group

Drinks coffee like theirs no ones business

LOVES THE HELL OUT OF ICE CREAM

Will hurt people to gain ice cream

Acts 10x wiser than they actually are. Tries to be an all knowing source of information

IS a know it all, presents themselves as a knowledgeable sage, who is ENLIGHTENED,

Can float if they take the meditating pose

IF they really wanted to they could have Asch melting into puddy in their hands

Pierce & Leif

BY FAR one of the weakest of the fusions ((up their with Rhys and Leif))

ABSOLUTELY NOT IN SYNC AT ALL WHATSOEVER they don’t even know who they are ((same as the rhys and leif one. after a while they gain a grip on their personalities)

A dark turquoise color. going on for most of the design

They’d have brown hair with a pure bleach white stripe in the front & a long spikey ponytail

TEAL eyes

When formed they usually make a dirty dishonest yet dopey looking fool.. Though they aren’t...either.

when they do eventually mix together they have that more ,Cold hard angsty Killer vibe to them. Like a veteran mercenary. Your not sure if this guy is trustable or not.

HELLA shady

Looks dirty

Is known to randomly sneak up behind people without realizing it. his steps are very quiet

Has a gruff sounding cool dad/uncle voice.

If he really tried he could probably feel the life of the world around him.

Definitely gains some stubble

Has a tendency to be extremely vauge, ambiguous or Trolly.

This is because Leif has this urge to be a dick. Most of it is just Leif trying to dick around and Pierce not really doing anything but his personality affecting Leif’s

EXTREMELY streetsmart. Could probably help you get to the right places in a black market.

Interestingly enough Flower petals blow through the wind as he passes by. Depending on his mood at the time. Sakura Blossoms when something new is starting for him, when he falls in love, or during a samurai style fight. Rose petals during dramatic scenes ((or romantic ones)), white Lilies when he greives, and most commonly Dead flower petals or dead leaves.

Pierce & Asch

Usually only communicates in grunts roars and other primordial noises

If they DO talk its always a large speech.

These speeches can drag on and on.

They don’t normally form for fun. Usually just for battle

Their mostly fueled by mutual trust, not...exactly love though?

HAS LARGE AMOUNTS OF FAITH IN THEIR ABILITIES

Has a lot of determination once they decide their going to do something THEY DO IT. No question, they are IMPOSSIBLE to reason with

gains mostly physical strength. No special new abilities gained for this one.

Their clothes are a bright white. Their horns as well (With a minty green tint). their eyes a dark cyan color.

Okay they have a Firesword. but that’s about it.

they have the design of a warrior. Much more so than Asch or Pierce’s designs. Their hair is just a long disheveled spiky mess their shirt kinda vanishes. the only other color on them besides white is maybe gold I guess.

If they did do any magic it would most likely just be a simple fire tornado. (A fire Whirl)

Ava & Leif

They’d wear black or dark maroon clothing. ((if not just a green and purple hippy shirt with flowers on it and a headband))

They’d have long spoiky hair, or fluffy spiky hair.

They get bored easily and have a generally carefree attitude

The most likely to get high.

Goes by He/ Him

far more daring than Ava and far more composed than Leif

They’d probably have a hippyish accent sometimes.

“Duuuuuuddddeeee....I just saw the most WICKED-” They’d talk like that.

They are very impulsive and have more energy than it seems

They would be Ava with even less impulse control. So they would be an absolute mess. And probably wouldn’t think before they say anything. Which would lead them into a lot of problems.

Lowkey suicidal. Not because they hate themselves but because they want the thrill of killing one of their components.

Would probably enjoy watching sports a lot.

They’re A lot more forward than Ava when it comes to flirting. They do it on occasion but they always end up stuttering when they do.

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dungeons-and-divination · 4 years ago

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FIGHTER Echo knight - Stout HALFLING - Secret identity

I am gonna point this out later with their backstory, but this character is a little bit of an exception. It could fit better with one particular setting, but I did my best to keep as foggy as possible on the details so that anyone can actually do a little bit of changes and put them wherever they wanted. Other then that... Let’s just say that their name and age are a little bit of a complicated matter. Hope you enjoy this mysterious character.

Name: Iraeonos

TAROTS

Mind: Eight of swords (upright) This tarot could mean actual persecution or imprisonment, but I feel like for poor Iraeonos this is more of a internal struggle. While I was shuffling the deck I was so focused on that hidden identity and I think the tarots really absorbed my train of thoughts. To get back to the meaning, Iraeonos feels like they have to censure somehow who they truly are, cause they're scared that if their secret identity was ever discovered, they would actually be persecuted. For sure this situation brought a lot of psychological issues with it. They have to silence themselves somehow, so they would absolutely struggle with their identity, with anxiety... Lots of very funny things indeed. Not.

Body: Knight of Pentacles (upright) And here comes the dilemma part the previous card sometimes hints at. Like said, while Iraeonos is scared shitless of being discovered, they still have this sense of responsibility that makes them use the abilities that would make them be discovered to help those in need. And at the end of the day, the person they are hiding? It’s still them, it’s not someone else. It’s a part of who they are. And it’s not at all healthy to deny part of your own identity. There’s also this deep loyalty to home, even though home is a little bit of a complicated matter for them (later this will be clearer, but just trust me on this for now). Also, just as a thing I have to add as a note, I do see them having a little bit of a soft spot for animals.

Spirit: Strength (upright) Someone would say that this card is a little bit in opposition with the “mind” tarot the deck gave me. But that their mind is so conflicted and almost weakened while their spirit is so strong, just tells me that their fears are related to Iraenos overthinking instead of following their intuitions. At their spirit Iraenos is a person that is always gonna find the inner strength required to face their fears and anxieties, they just need the time to stop thinking so much. They just need to act cause they need to find that trust in themselves to know that they are on the right path. And this tarot confirms once again the animal lover side I just hinted at, but most of all, it confirms that they are compassionate and reliable for those around them, despite all of the lying the have to do to survive.

Past: Seven of wands (upright) When it’s related to Iraeonos, “past” is a little bit of a complicated issue (what isn’t with them?). Because they kind of had another entire life before the one they “just” started living (things will be clearer in the backstory, no worries). So, it was hard for me to decide before picking a past card if I wanted to focus on Iraeones first life or their more “recent” past. For a bit I even considered picking two cards, but at the end of the day I just trusted my deck to know better. I think my confusion translated into my draw. I wouldn’t call this a bad card in a normal read, but in this case it’s just very generic. It speaks of struggles and standing up to them, of taking the high road and never giving up even when under attack. I admit, since I wanted their backstory a little looser so that they could eventually fit into any setting, I decided not to clear this confusion with another pick despite my curiosity. I left the matter of this issue for later.

Present: Ace of cups (upright) Any “new beginnings” card for Iraeonos is a little bit of a wink to their rebirth as a new person as far as I’m concerned. With that, I decided to consider the “past” tarot related to their previous life, and the Ace of cups more of a nod toward the person they’d become since they were reborn. And I’m happy that Iraeonos found friendship and people accepting their “new” personality. There’s that hint of happiness and possible love that I actually decided to leave more as a possibility for their actual present, maybe in someone else in the party when they get to start their adventure.

Future: Ace of wands (upright) Yet again, a “new beginnings” card. I think it’s hilarious to get two of these for the person that’s already been reborn. Anyway, I see them finding a new talent in the near future, maybe a new passion. Also, being bold in the decision making process. And while I always leave open these kinds of things to whoever decides to play the characters, in this case, considering the Strength card coupled with this once, I do very much suggest having Iraeonos accept their previous life and multiclass in what was probably their class in that life.

FULL BACKSTORY

Let’s immediately clear that Iraeonos was reborn from the Luxon. For any Critical Role fan, they pretty much need no extra info, they already got an idea of what is going on here. But for anyone new to the setting or that does not want to dabble into that part of the lore of Exandria, let’s just say that I decided to leave Iraeonos’ previous life foggy enough that their “past life” could be built with a DM and quickly fixed for any other setting. SO, back to Iraeonos’s origins. Iraeonos was born from a sweet couple of halflings in their humble home. Their parents actually named them Euris Boycee (I'm aware that having dead names in a backstory is bad etiquette, but it’s this is more of their true identity name vs an alias they picked for other reasons that are later clearer. I hope nobody gets offended by this mention of a name Iraeonos doesn’t use anymore.) Iraeonos never lived in the good side of town, but their mom, Juli, and dad, Taragh, were honest people that worked hard in an establishment for horses&ponies training. So they always had enough food and lived an overall peaceful life. Despite the happy childhood, Iraeonos always had a fascination for the “bad boys” running around the rundown area they lived in. Iraeonos used to get into trouble a lot with their friends when they were early teens. Their mom wused to say to them that they would end up in jail one day, like a true criminal, but Iraeonos was just trying to live their dream of becoming a strong fighter like those they saw sometimes walking around town. Iraeonos had always had very weird and realistic dreams, but they were usually brushed off as just that: Iraeonos having a vivid imagination. When they turned 15, those dreams became more and more insistent and violent, till they started to feel like they weren’t dreams at all. Iraeonos was sure they were glimpses of a previous life that they’d always been in denial to be slowly remembering, and maybe even the reason why they had always wanted to be an adventurer in the first place. They never again talked about the dreams, and became more and more closed off to the world, trying to hide how much they actually remembered of their previous life. At the time their memories of that were still vague, but they remembered enough to know that they did not want to go back and that they wanted Agar’thaw Melch, his previous-self name, to stay in the past with whatever that person did in the place he came from. Their dream of becoming a strong fighter became even stronger, maybe in a desperate desire to fix whatever mistakes they were sure their previous self had made into the world. Or maybe cause they wanted to be like the person they used to be, but at the same time, not at all. So, they ran away from home before even turning 18. Already confused about their identity, they actually abandoned the name their parents gave them and embraced the identity of Iraeonos in the hopes that nobody would ever relate the person that grew up with that sweet couple, with the mysterious fighter Iraeonos wanted to become.

(As you can see, I decided to really leave open to choice how much they wandered and how old they are at this point. Are they at the very start of the journey? Or did they leave their home a long time ago?)

SUGGESTION CORNER

Suggested features Ability scores: High Intelligence and Dexterity, Low Strength (YES, for a fighter, I’m not going crazy) Skill proficiencies: History, Acrobatics Other: like I said, I suggest multiclass. I kind of pictured them as a Rogue (either Assassin or Inquisitive), but I would honestly be perfectly okay with a Wizard too (Chronurgy or maybe War). It really depends on how you change their backstory anyway. Anything could fit since I left it so vague this time. If you are wandering why, while still trying to hide, they would tap into a magic that belongs to the very place they are trying not to go back to (I’m talking about choosing the echo knight archetype), like I said: they’are struggling to admit that the two people are not two people at all. They still have those memories of the past, and the ways and magic of the Kryn are still part of them. They know it’s stupid to waste potential they have. Which is also the reason for them to embrace the class they used to be in the past, once they realize that it’s basically the same line of reasoning on a more conscious level.

Suggested Characteristics Trait: The best way to get me to do something is tell me I can’t do it. Ideal: I am in the habit of not talking about myself. My business is none of yours. (If I do talk about myself, I usually lie.) Bond: I’m reborn from the Luxon. Ever since I remembered my previous life, I’ve been doing everything I could to avoid going back to my “homeland”. Flaw: I feel no compassion for the dead. They’re the lucky ones.

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flying-elliska · 5 years ago

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Hi Ellie!! I hope u dont mind this ask ❤Do u have any advice on how to do stuff on your checklist and not get overwhelmed? I can hardly do one thing out of my to do list and then i get severely depressed for not being able to do anything. i dont think i can function like a human being sometimes. anyway youre so cool ellie!!! i admire you loads!!! - help asked from one adhd struggling teen

HI anon ! I’m sorry for not answering sooner i had a beautiful answer ready and then Tumblr just ate it T_T anyway i don’t mind at all i think it’s awesome that you’re asking me ! this is honestly still something I’ve struggled a lot with. here are a few things that helped me (keep in mind i’m not a professional and this is only my personal, limited point of view) :

- ofc the first thing is to get as much help as you can, there are lots of people out there who can help. Generally talk to people around you about your problems ; often they want to help and just don’t know how : i know the tendency to feel ashamed and keep it in but that’s not good. Some people might be a bit ignorant so maybe keep a few ressources on hand you can send to people to educate them if that’s an issue ; and educate yourself so you feel more secure and legitimate in your opinions.

- one thing that’s helped me lots is to go on #ADHDtwitter and #Neurodiversesquad because a lot of people on there are actual adults who are sharing both their struggles but also tips on how to actually manage the symptoms and have full and happy, if messy, lives. It’s very inspiring. It helped me a lot to feel understood, less alone and gave me a ton of ideas. Some accounts to start with : @ danidonovan - @ blkgrllostkeys @ ADHD_Alien (her comics are so cute) @ dustyexner plus lots of others

- regarding having trouble doing things, this is definitely a Big Damn Problem for adhd folks. the concept of the emotional Wall of Awful really helped me with this, you can find more about it in this Youtube video by the awesome How To ADHD channel (all her videos are so helpful !! have a look!) basically the idea is that we accumulate emotions linked to certain tasks based on unhappy past emotions that make it a lot harder for us to do things and that building it down takes a lot of time and effort but there are ways to work with/around that. learning to process, connect to and be more mindful of our emotions is a huge task, but it’s often a central one.

- don’t try too hard to be neurotypical aka ‘normal’. find the solutions that work for YOU. If they’re a bit weird ? Whatever. The point is that it works. You will probably end up having weird routines that make no sense to others but it doesn’t matter as long as it helps you. Be creative and don’t be afraid to think outside the box. I’ll give you an example : one of the reasons i hate going to bed early is because late at night is when i feel the most free of outside obligations and therefore i don’t want to give that up. So instead what i’ve been trying to do from time to time is a ‘clown hour’ where i basically give myself permission to do whatever the fuck i want (within reason lmao) but in an active way ; basically indulge my rebellious inner 8 yr old. Last time I ended up watching martial arts videos on youtube and practicing kickboxing kicks on the Mulan soundtrack and then put on funeral music and improvised my own eulogy by thinking about what i would like people to say about me after my death. Lmao that sounds completely wack when explained to other people but the point is - stuff like that really helped me reconnect to the idea that my time is mine to do with as i please, not just late at night. Anyway my point is : make it fun, make it a game, try things, experiment. Our brains crave novelty and if they don’t have it and feel burdened by shame, pressure and expectations of course they get depressed and stuck. Give your brain the fuel it needs to work.

- just accept that sometimes you’re going to be a mess. it’s okay. you can be a bit of a mess and also live a fully, happy, joyous life. our society puts so much pressure on us to have this Perfect Instagram Life where everything is polished to unrealistic standards and gives us the idea that your morals are linked to productivity and if you are not constantly striving to be a Model Consumer Pretty Picture you are a Bad Person and a slob/lazy/unworthy/etc and all of that is...toxic garbage of the highest order that everyone should unlearn but especially us. related to that i would be careful with use of social media, tailor it to only give you content that makes you feel good/intellectually engaged/creative because it’s so easy for us to go into bad comparative spirals.

- tied to that be careful of your own perfectionist drives. it’s veeeeery common for adhd people to want to overcompensate their perceived shortcomings by wanting to be perfect. aka you haven’t done anything in weeks and all of a sudden you have this insane to do list where you expect yourself to turn your entire life around in a week. well, not going to happen. i’ve found it so important to limit myself. for instance what i do now is i forbid myself to put more than 5 items on any todo list. once i’ve cleared items i can add more, but not before. it’s a lot less scary that way. also prioritizing is very important so you don’t get bogged down in details.

- try to be mindful of your own energy. a big tendency of adhd people is to overpromise and underdeliver because we are enthusiastic and we want to please people but we are bad at estimating time/energy it will need. learn more about your own boundaries, what things are hard for you to do (for me, it’s socializing in groups) and what gives you energy (for me it’s writing, reading and walking in the woods) and try to balance that. learn to say no, it’s tough but necessary. So that you have enough left for the tasks you need to do.

- create an environment that is benevolent and helpful for you in which to work/do things and that generates positive emotions. Get yourself a cute notebook. Put on happy music. Don’t forget to feed yourself. Don’t give into the urge of punishing yourself. You deserve happy good things - not overindulgence as escape - but our brains thrive on short term rewards. Bundle the unpleasant tasks with more stimulating stuff (for instance i always listen to podcasts while cleaning/grocery shopping etc). Create pleasant little routines for yourself (for instance one of the first things i try to do in the morning is do a little drawing of my emotions, it makes me happy, then i have tea and i plan my day.). Put on alarms constantly so you don’t lose track of time, but with a cool song. Find yourself cheerleaders who can encourage you in a positive way. Stuff like the pomodoro technique, timing yourself while doing a task, etc, can really help. Or telling yourself you will do a thing for ten minutes and stop when it’s unbearable, etc. Prioritize joy, pride, affection, desire to help, altruism, love, curiosity, interest and passion as motivators, instead of anxiety, guilt and shame.

- find ways to build self esteem and confidence in your own skills. it’s often a lack of that that can block you from doing what you need to because you might be afraid of screwing it up. what I did for a while, for instance, is to keep a record of the stuff i did everyday and then extrapolated the skills i displayed from that. another thing you can do is make a list of simple skills you want to learn and find ways to do that, like youtube tutorials, etc. especially when it’s practical stuff and quick to learn, it can really feel so good, and make you more familiar with a sensation of success (and if you fail it can be a fun experiment gone wrong, and self discovery, you don’t have to be good at everything.)

- find ways to challenge yourself. depression happens for adhd people when we let ourself stagnate, isolate ourselves because of shame, and get into this idea that we are subhuman and we don’t deserve good things. that is false. you deserve a happy life. and our brains crave novelty. find your passion and indulge in it, find the things that make your brain come alive (as long as they’re healthy ofc). if you’re not sure what that is, just keep trying. you will find it. but resist the temptation to make your life smaller and smaller. you might mess up but that’s okay. it’s human and it will make for interesting stories later. instead of trying too hard to ‘fix’ yourself, focus on developping your positive sides. it will give you energy, self-respect and draw you forwards like a rocketship. we thrive on passion, not reprimand.

- anyways : i know how tough it can be. depression is really something i struggle with, too. and doing things remains Hard. but my point is, you are not alone, and you are not broken. chances are you too, like most adhd people i know, are a fun, creative, compassionate person with a heart of gold and so much to give. our main enemy is most often the shame that comes with living in a world that is not adapted to us. but the truth is we are just playing the game of life on a much harder setting than a lot of people, and we don’t even have the manual. of course it’s going to create struggle ! so i think the best thing to do for yourself is cultivate a sense of compassion towards yourself, self acceptance, and humor.

- as a teen you probably have a limited margin of autonomy to make your lifestyle fit your needs but - there is so much potential for it to get better ! as you grow in self knowledge and ability to make your own choices, you will find the right solutions and your life will get so much better. i have heard so many stories like this. since i got diagnosed, too, my life got a lot better. i won’t lie, it’s a lifelong process. but there is so much possible. give yourself time. you are so young, and you are definitely a human being. being human is struggling with being flawed and vulnerable and imperfect. i know the world can be shit sometimes, you probably got some negative messages - especially from your own brain bc depression definitely lies to you ! but don’t let yourself be guided by ignorance and fear. you deserve better. i bet you’re also super cool. the happier you are, the better off the world will be. so invest in yourself. educate yourself, develop your self knowledge, be kind to yourself, and keep making little steps. you’ll get there. <3

#adhd #actually adhd #neurodiversity #mental health #depression #anon asks

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