#and not just because I possess the disorder

[perhaps-mr-collins-has-a-cousin]

😩

[scribe-cas]

i need to explode. Vent post

RAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH. FUCK. I MISS HIM SO MUCH.

I know and I fucking knew I wasn't going to find him, but my fucking God

How the fuck am I supposed to live like this

"Oh so I have a book character based off of an actual entity who haunted my brain for a little while in the form of alter possession because I had splits at one point and at any mention of him I go literally fucking shitballs insane and will do anything to see him again" like what the fuck is wrong with me /lh

I know I sound insane but that's. Insaner than shit.

Like wow I feel actually awful and freakish some days. I sometimes wonder if this is actually here or if it's just all in my head and some huge fucking coincidence. It seems like every time I get closer to figuring something out about him or anyone and anything associated with him, it's like I take 4 steps back.

And it's. Heartbreaking. I don't know how else certain things could even have possibly happened without his existence, but also am I somehow just making up all of this shit. Am I going to spend the rest of my life chasing after every redheaded transgender man I see only for my brain and my heart to be left. Empty. Because it's not him.

nobody's ever going to be him, and I doubt anyone would ever want to.

There's just a level of feeling abandoned that's never going to heal.

The only thing that helps is writing my books.

Seeing people connect to them. Seeing people connect to, and emulate, him.

That makes me feel less crazy. It makes me feel like maybe if it is all in my head and if nothing is actually real at least it was kind of worth it.

To quote bojack horseman, which i probably should not have watched:

"That means that all the damage I got isn't 'good damage'. It's just damage. I have gotten nothing out of it and all those years I was miserable was for nothing."

This is what's. Just circling my brain. If he's not real then yeah I kept myself alive but why did I love. What was the point of it all. There are other people who love me and it's wonderful but sometimes I miss his smile and as fucked as it is I wish that I'd run into someone who's even slightly like him.

Just so that i can stare at them and. Like. Remember.

Redheaded long haired trans men it's your time to shine im summoning you from across tumblr, come tell me you love me

Bonus points if you're folklore obsessed, dress like a flamboyant dance student, like heels and bartend /j obviously

But like. I can't explain it. It's devastating i miss my brother man 👍

Thanks tumblr for listening to my tedtalk

[pyrriax]

if i see the words "split personality" one more time i think i will explode.

[taintedcigs]

— fall into pieces

pairing: steve harrington x f!reader

summary: steve comes in his pants from eating you out. that's the plot. (wc: 1.3k+)

warnings: smut without plot basically, or*l (f!receiving), praises, steve cums in his pants, soft smut!, steve is attentive, MINORS DNI.

author's note: not proof-read. this is dumb and doesnt make sense bc i wrote it in 20 mins bc i desperately needed to get out of my stupid slump sooo just pls support me in my shitty writing era thank you.

pleaseeee reblog to support me. ty!! mwah.

Steve loves eating pussy.

Scratch that, Steve just loves eating you out.

Because let's face it, before you, he didn't really care that much about the other girl's pleasure, or he just wasn't really that keen on eating pussy.... that was until you came along.

He didn't know what it was, that had him hooked on you this much, how much he enjoyed tasting you like a man possessed when it came to eating you out.

You taught him how fucking pleasurable eating pussy was, and it unironically changed him.

Once he realized how much it mattered to him to make you cum, he decided to make it his mission. Make a mental note of how you responded when he did anything.

He studied the noises you made when his fingers lightly traced your inner thighs, the shaky breaths you gave him as you silently pleaded, begged for more.

He started picking up on the way your body gave into him, slowly at first, and then all at his mercy. Padded thumb circling around your clit, velvety lips puffing a huff of cold air, making you whine while he wore that cocky smirk, hook, line, and sinker.

He just didn't realize how much it got him off to see you like this, to taste you fully, not until now.

"Such a gorgeous fuckin' pussy," he hummed, pressing upwards, just a little bit, reveling in the way your back arched for him. Once he finally got you prepped, smearing your juices all over, earning more sounds from you, then he pushed a finger inside of your soft walls, drawling the sweetest sounds.

"God, s'fuckin soaked, honey, all f'me?" he asked, tilting his head slightly, lips turning into a mocking pout, earning nothing but incoherent babble from you. He adds another finger, drumming his fingers inside of that sweet spot, turning you into gooey mess, his cock twitching in his pants.

Only when you pathetically murmur out a "S-steve!" that he finally kisses you all over, tongue licking up a flat stripe up your cunt, making your brain short-circuit.

"Y'like that, sweetheart?" He hums, and you nod all dumb, making him chuckle in that arrogant tone, yet you can't even argue.

He is that good.

The tip of his nose brushes against your clit, "ride my face, honey," he murmurs, but it's more like an order, that perfect chocolatey gaze so full of lust that you can feel yourself clench, nothing but a little "okay" coming out of your glossy lips.

And he groans at your fucked out face, you look so perfect. Spread out in front of him, glistening with arousal, head thrown back, plushy lips slightly open with your uncontrollable moans.

He buries his face in your cunt before you can beg him to, teasing with kitten licks before sucking your clit into his mouth, you cry out in all glory, thighs squeezing his head, hands crushing the sheets beneath the two of you in need.

His cock twitches at the sound, caged beneath his boxers the more you grind against his tongue, and he fucking smirks at you, watching your face twist the second he slips his index fingers inside of you, words roll out of your tongue as nothing but disordered sounds.

His cold fingers curl inside of you, making you arch your back against him, you want to beg for more, but you can barely speak.

And of fucking course, he can tell, his devilish smirk growing wider before his padded thumb circles around your clit, the tip of his tongue keeping the rhythm.

His cock feels stiff, so fucking stiff that it feels uncomfortable, wanting, needing to feel your walls, to be inside of you, watch the way his huge cock stretches you fully.

"S-steve!" He knows that tone all too well, singing for him, the sweet sounds of your whimpers, letting him know that you are close to the edge, and he doesn't hesitate to add another finger.

"Doin' so good for me, sweetheart, you close, huh?" He mocks all knowingly, tongue sucking your clit while his fingers circle around it, it's all the stimulation you need and more, body going frail with how attending he is.

You give a slight nod, body flushed with lust, cunt clenching around him, "Use me," he begs, desperate, needing to see how heavenly you sound when you come around him, the prettiest face you wear.

"Use me to get yourself off, baby." The words sound filthier with his whiney tone, you know he's close too, just by eating you out. And it makes you want that sweet release so much more, chasing it eagerly.

His tongue picks up his movements, fingertips rubbing your clit with vigor, and you ride his face in all glory, chasing that little taste of heaven.

You don't know if it's the "Good girl," praise he offers, his fast-paced fingers on your swollen buds, or that celestial tongue of his sucking on your clit, but you lose it all. "Oh, f-fuck!" You moan out, every control of your body, gone.

Going to pieces when he makes you cum, your taste flooding his senses, overtaking him as well. It's all he wants, worship you, taste you on his tongue, watch your face contort over and over again.

That's the routine normally, but now it makes him realize how much more he enjoys this, having you spread apart in front of him, pussy fluttering around his tongue and fingers, and that's all it takes to have him leak all over, hips grinding into nothing but the sheets, cumming in his boxers, groans leaving his mouth.

It takes you a minute to register it all, barely able to catch your breath. "Steve, d-did you-" You looked down at his boxers, all warm and wet.

"S-shit, baby, I'm sorry, I just-" He mumbled, almost embarrassed, words jumbled together, blushing furiously.

God, that was so fucking hot.

He avoided your gaze, looking down on the mess he made, warm load spread all over his boxers, sure to leave a stain. Sticky and embarrassing him. "You just looked so fuckin' hot and tasted so good-"

"Steve," You interrupted him, his attention all on you, gaze so sweet that he can't avoid it. "What are you apologizing for that was so fucking hot," you blurted out, eyes blown wide with lust all over again.

"W-what?"

"Baby, you cumming your pants from eating me out just made you ten times hotter." You groaned all whiney, leaning in closer to him.

"Do you need me to take care of you now, Stevie?" You asked, tone sultry, and your doe-eyed gaze, dangerous, making his cock stiffen in record-breaking seconds.

"Keep talkin' to me like that and I'll cum in my pants once again, baby," he teased with a whine, lips still curled into a grin, making you giggle with your head thrown back.

"C'mere," you grabbed him by his shirt, kissing him roughly, teeths clashing and lust filling the room again as you tasted yourself all over his tongue.

Eager to make him fall into pieces again.

[scorpihoe1111]

Astrology Observations: Part 3🎀🩷

Mars aspecting the ASC can give the individual a dominating demeanor, but also mainly depends on which aspect. Ex: Harmonius Aspects (trine/sextile)=Straightforward, honest, stand their ground, strong boundaries, not one to be pushed around. Harsh Aspects (square/opp)= Aggressive, domineering, rude, blunt, obnoxious.

(TW: Death) Your 8H sign and planet may tell you how you pass away. Ex: Gemini moon in the 8H= Lungs, breathing problems, asthma. Moon= emotional turmoil, stress, heart break etc

Asteroids like Medusa (149) or Aphrodite (1388) can show you what people envy about you, what they admire, where they may attempt to bring you shame etc. Ex: Medusa in the 1H can attract envy over their appearance, their aura and demeanor. People could attempt to “humble” these individuals often. Aphrodite in the 2H can make others admire your money, your possessions, may wanna know how you have what you have so they can have it too.

Aphrodite (1388) can result in people not just admiring wherever the house it’s in, but also being malicious and petty over it since they feel they deserve it more.

Lilith in the houses is similar to this, and can result in those around you being annoyed when you do things in regards to the house and sign it is in. Ex: Sagittarius Lilith in the 2H= people could be upset when you relax, when you have fun, when you don’t play by made up rules and standards, when you’re genuinely happy, when you have nice things, when you take a break, when you indulge etc, because they have this mindset of “I never got to do that/have that, why should you”. Lilith in the 1H= people getting annoyed that you may be beautiful and they’re not, painting you as a villain because you’re pretty.

Cancer moons are surprisingly really good with holding boundaries with people in their lives. These people can be lover girls/boys, for sure; but they refuse to let people take advantage of them. Their love, effort and care is reserved for those who will appreciate them in return.

(TW: Mental Health) Take this with a grain of salt since it’s just an observation and not a fact, but those I’ve met with a combo of Scorpio/Gemini in personal planets in a chart are usually diagnosed with BPD, while those I’ve met with either Virgo/Aries/Gemini in a chart combined have usually been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder/OCD. 12H and 8H stelliums I’ve also met have had some sort of mental illness such as BPD or Schizophrenia.

Jupiter in the 1H, Sag/Pisces risings and/or Jupiter aspecting ASC/personal planets usually manage to get out of difficult situations easily. These people easily attract the help they need, the resources to do what they need, the money to get them where they want to be; very easily. Even when people with these placements/aspects get in trouble they usually manage to make it out very easily as well. Jupiter blesses and makes lucky anything it touches.

People think that Mercury in the 1H might usually talk alot about themselves, and while that may be true; it’s also true that they simply attract people who love to know about them and ask questions in regards to them. Mercury 1H individuals seem to be interesting to others and peak others curiosity about them. Others find them fascinating, thus constantly asking questions about them.

On the other hand, Mercury 3H individuals may be very close with their siblings, or their siblings can be popular/known/famous which could make the 3H person known for their siblings. This results in the 3H person consistently hearing about their siblings, getting asked questions or discussing topics in regards to their siblings. Same thing with school, this person may have either really good or really bad grades in regards to school so their main conversations with others could be in regards to school topics.

A Virgo rising individual at their worst can be obsessed with popularity/attention/validation (Leo 12H) amongst their peers. They may not come off that way, and they themselves may not even know that they secretly love being in the center. Without realizing, they subconsciously try their hardest to be the best at everything, the smartest, the prettiest/handsomest, and when at their lowest they have no issue with taking down others who they deem threatening to their spotlight. They can also be secretly judgmental of those who they deem to be lesser, or not as attractive than they are.

Similarly, I’ve noticed Scorpio Risings at their worse can be very jealous and insecure individuals as well when it comes to appearances/validation. I’ve noticed this in women with this placement mostly, but when they’re at their lowest/undeveloped, they’re the type to only be friends with or surround themselves around people they think are worse than they are whether appearance, status, popularity wise etc. Undeveloped Scorpio rising females can be very competitive and refuse to have someone who’s possibly better than they are around them, since they don’t want to be compared to the other person or not chosen/not the favorite.

Libra moon’s are the people that start the drama and then say “I don’t like drama” lol. What they really mean is they love it, as long as they’re not involved

If you find that you always have bad experiences with those whose signs fall in your 11H, check your sidereal chart. Odds are your 11H sign in your western chart is the 12H sign in your sidereal, which would explain the bad experiences.

Aquarius women are always so successful in everything they do, I’ve rarely met an Aquarius woman that doesn’t have their shit together in every category. They’re giving face, body, money, career, healthy love life and social life etc. The men on the other hand…

Yes, those with Saturn in the 7H have a hard time finding the one. They go through years of cycles and repetitive situations in love but those who find their person find their FOREVER person. People with this placement may be the last to be in a relationship/get married amongst their peers, however they’re usually the happiest and most successful once they do compared to friends or family who just hurried up and settled and usually separate/divorce. Saturn 7H’s standards and boundaries may also seem to high or unrealistic to those around them, but they’re just asking for bare minimum. It only seems that way to others around them because they were raised in a group or environment that had no standards low key.

The good thing about 2H stelliums is that you attract money, possessions and success super easily. The bad thing is that those around you could ONLY see you as your success/money, and may try to bleed you dry of what you have and take advantage. Strong boundaries and not being overly giving is recommended with these placements.

Mars in the 12H can attract people who are secretly aggressive or hostile towards them. They may never know someone is holding a grudge on them and they may attract secret animosity or competition as a result. May have issues with male figures in their life and won’t even know it.

Jupiter in the 6H, especially with Cancer or Libra there; get along with animals sooo well. These are literal pet whisperers and it’s rare for them to not have at least 3 cats/dogs. They love animals more than people sometimes.

Part 4 will be out soon. 👏🏻

[vaspider]

Measure 110, or the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

So if y'all aren't local to Oregon, you may not have heard that the Oregon state legislature just voted to -- essentially -- gut Measure 110, the ballot measure which decriminalized all drug possession and use in the state. It turned all drug use into a citation instead, and the citation and fine could be waived by completing a health screening. The entire point of Measure 110 was replacing jail with health care and services to help people instead, and while I could probably write a very long side post on the imperfections of that approach, it was at the very least a move in the right direction after decades of the pathetic failure and absolutely racist mess that is the "War on Drugs."

You may hear this pointed to in coming years as a reason why we have to just throw people into jail for using drugs, because Measure 110 failed. And like... it did fail, kinda. Sorta. It failed in that it did not manage to fix everything immediately, and it created some new issues while also exposing older issues more sharply.

It also saved the state $40 million in court costs prosecuting low-level drug offenses, kept thousands of people whose literal only crime was putting a substance into the body of a consenting adult (themselves) out of jail, put at least one addiction services center in every county in the state, invested $300 million in addiction services, and an awful lot more. See the end of this post for more reading.

But where it failed, it failed because it wasn't supported. Police and advocacy groups both asked for specific tickets for this new class of offenses which had the phone number to call to go through the health screening and the information about how going through that health screening would make the ticket go away printed on it prominently - lawmakers declined to fund this. Governor Kotek budgeted $50K to train officers on how to handle these new citations and how to direct people to the treatment and housing supports, but lawmakers thought that training officers on this new law at all was a waste of money. Money moved extremely slowly out to the supports that were supposed to come into play to help people obtain treatment or get access to harm-reduction strategies. People freaked the fuck out about clean-needle outreach, fentanyl testing strip distribution, Narcan training, and other harm-reduction strategies.

And at the end of the day, Measure 110 gets called a failure because it wasn't a silver bullet. Never mind that thousands of people are not sitting in jail right now for basically no fucking reason. Never mind that people have gotten treatment, harm has been reduced, overdoses have been prevented...

So, yeah. You'll probably start hearing this trotted out as proof that, well, we triiiied decriminalizing drugs, but look what happened in Portland! Well, what happened in Oregon is that we got set up to fail, and still didn't fail, just didn't totally succeed.

Measure 110 highlights, quoted directly from Prison Policy Initiative:

The Oregon Health Authority reported a 298% increase in people seeking screening for substance use disorders.

More than 370,000 naloxone doses have been distributed since 2022, and community organizations report more than 7,500 opioid overdose reversals since 2020.

Although overdose rates have increased around the country as more fentanyl has entered the drug supply, Oregon’s increase in overdoses has been similar to other states’ and actually less than neighboring Washington’s. A peer-reviewed study comparing overdose rates in Oregon with the rest of the country after the law went into effect found no link between Measure 110 and increased overdose rates.

There is no evidence that drug use rates in Oregon have increased. A cross-sectional survey of people who use drugs across eight counties in Oregon found that most had been using drugs for years; only 1.5% reported having started after Measure 110 went into effect.

There has been no increase in 911 calls in Oregon cities after Measure 110.

Measure 110 saves Oregonians millions. Oregon is expected to save $37 million between 2023-2025 if Measure 110 continues. This is because it costs up to $35,217 to arrest, adjudicate, incarcerate, and supervise a person taken into custody for a drug misdemeanor — and upwards of $60,000 for a felony. In contrast, treatment costs an average of $9,000 per person. The money saved by Measure 110 goes directly to state funding for addiction and recovery services.

There is no evidence that Measure 110 was associated with a rise in crime. In fact, crime in Oregon was 14% lower in 2023 than it was in 2020.

Further reading/sources:

[joelscoffeemachine]

Echoes Of Him

Joel Miller x f!reader

word count: around 6.6k

Summary: After weeks of avoiding Joel, Joel finds you drunk at the tipsy bison, finally able to get some explaining from you only to end up in your bed later that night.

Warnings: 18+ mdni, smut, slightly non-con, soft!Joel (in the end), grinding, language, unprotected piv, slight fingering, pet names, no use of y/n, reader uses feminine pronouns, jackson era!Joel, drinking, reader wears a dress and heels, possessiveness (if you squint), slight praise kink, fluff, kinda dom!Joel, aftercare, sorry if i missed anything.

A/N: so sorry this took so long, lately i’ve been going through a hard time, but i didn’t want to leave whoever is actually reading these, hanging. you should definitely read part one before this, but if you don’t want to, i won’t force you to. hahaha. not too much on the pictures, i was struggling. i hope this doesn’t make me hate my life any more than i already do, and i hope you enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing it.

part one part three

It had been weeks since that awkward moment with Joel.

You tried your hardest to avoid him. He had to notice, because every time he’d walk into a room, and you’d walk out, you could feel his eyes boring into your skin.

You used every technique in the book to avoid him, but when you felt someone tap your shoulder as you sat at the bar at the Tipsy Bison, you knew you fucked up.

You slowly turned your head, eyes catching the man with the patchy beard, and flannel with the sleeves rolled up just above his elbow. The detail of his beard added an unexpected depth to his appearance, making the moment feel even more intense.

He let out a soft “hey,” sitting on the stool beside you.

You clutched your glass of neat whiskey, teeth biting away at your cheek as you glanced at him.

Joel’s gaze wandered over you, his eyebrows pressed together as that look of confusion took over his features. It’s been weeks and he hadn’t been able to get a word, hell, even a passing glance from you.

Now he was face to face with you, finally after trying to get you alone for so long and you wanted to ignore his presence.

The stool creaked as he sat down, adjusting how he sat. He cleared his throat, leaning forward in his seat.

“Can I ask you a question?”

Heat rose to your cheeks. You weren’t sure if it was because the man you were avoiding for what seemed like months was sitting next to you, or if it was because you were extremely drunk, swallowing multiple full glasses of whiskey like there’s no tomorrow. The scent of his cologne mixed with the sharp tang of whiskey created a heady cocktail that made your head spin even more.

It was an awkward pause, you looked away, his eyes stayed on you. You weren’t planning on saying anything, but the words just blurted out.

“How’d you know I was here? Or did you come for the same reason?” Your voice wavered slightly, betraying the circle of emotions churning inside you.

His eyes, intense and unwavering, made it hard to breathe, let alone think straight.

He could only give a shrug of his shoulders, tilting his head to the side.

“Tommy told me you’d be here,” he answers, his tone low.

The deep buzz of his voice reverberated through the silence, adding a layer of tension to the already charged atmosphere.

You quickly hum in response, furrowing your eyebrows in realization.

How the hell would Tommy know you’re here — Fucking Maria. You sighed sharply as the thought ran through your mind, taking a deep sip from your glass, the bartender coming from nowhere to fill it back up.

The whiskey burned less now, but the alcohol didn't seem to dull the sharp edge of your thoughts.

You figured that if you drank until your tongue fell out, you’d forget. You’d forget that you even went to the stables, you’d forget what your goddamn name was. The burn of the whiskey was a welcome distraction, a temporary escape from the disorder inside your mind.

But you still fucking remember.

The memories clung to you like the scent of his cologne, impossible to shake off no matter how hard you tried.

Joel could clearly see the redness of your cheeks, taking in the way you avoided looking at him, but he could assume that the alcohol played a major role in how you were acting right now. The flicker of confusion in his eyes softened into something almost tender, as if he understood the disarray, you were going through.

He watched as your gaze fell, hearing the way you let words fall from your lips, a little surprised by your question. The slight tremor in your voice didn't escape him, and he found himself leaning in slightly, almost involuntarily, drawn by the vulnerability in your tone.

You didn’t know what to say. Usually, if that night didn’t happen, you’d be yapping about Tommy and Maria’s wedding, and the way her bump was the most perfect shape or making inside jokes. But you couldn’t think of any at the moment. The words that used to flow so easily between you two now seemed stuck, lodged in your throat.

“So, what is it?” you murmur, gazing back at him.

His eyes only showed confusion, slight furrowed brows. The flicker of uncertainty in his eyes mirrored your own feelings, making the silence between you feel even heavier.

“What is it that you want?”

It irked him how you were acting, how you tried to ignore him, but he decided to brush it off, for now. He had more important things on his mind. The frustration simmered beneath the surface, but he kept it in check, focusing instead on the reason he was here.

He didn’t expect you to actually look at him, being given the chance to admire how your eyes seemed to shine in the low light, how your cheeks were tinged a light shade of pink. The sight made him pause, a moment of softness breaking through his resolve.

He leaned in closer, his voice just loud enough so only you could hear. “You’ve been avoiding me for weeks, darlin’.” His breath brushed against your ear, the intimacy of the moment heightening the tension between you two.

“Don’t—“ You flinched your body away, almost falling out of your chair as he moved closer.

“Don’t call me darling.” You demand, shaking your head.

You could see the look in his eyes change, he moved away, breathing the embarrassment away. The shift in his demeanor was palpable, the confidence faltering for just a moment.

Joel’s facial features hardened at your sudden outburst, his shoulders tensing at the way you recoiled back from him, his eyes widening just a bit. The shock was evident, but it quickly morphed into something more resolute.

“We need to talk about what the hell that—“

You cut him off, your neck breaking as you turned to look at him.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” You lift the glass up to your lips, tilting your head slightly as you continued your slurred speech.

“It was a mistake.” The words came out harsher than you intended, the alcohol loosening your tongue and sharpening your tone.

His lips pressed into a tight frown, watching as you turned and looked at him, the words leaving you. The intensity of his gaze bore into you, searching for any hint of truth in your denial.

“Bullshit.” He mutters, leaning against the counter, his arms crossing over his chest. “If that was a mistake, you wouldn’t be avoiding me like the damn plague.” His voice was low, but the frustration was clear, each word laced with the weight of unspoken emotions.

You smacked your lips as you tasted the strong whiskey, placing your cup down with a slight cough from your mouth. The burn of the alcohol was a stark contrast to the coldness in your voice. “Yeah, well, I don’t talk to taken men, especially if something happened between us before.” You share, shrugging your shoulders, trying to mask the hurt.

“What are you talkin’ about?” Joel's confusion was evident, his brows furrowing as he tried to piece together your words.

“I’m not fucking stupid, Miller. I heard you and Tommy. A nice girl who’s been ‘dropping her panties for you.’ You didn’t turn down the offer, so, therefore, it was a mistake, because the same night, you went off, and fucked some desperate whore.” The bitterness in your voice was unmistakable, each word dripping with the betrayal you felt.

Joel’s heart sank in his chest, a frown appearing on his face. He hadn’t realized how loud he and his brother had been talking, but he also didn’t think that you’d overhear the conversation. The guilt gnawed at him, knowing the misunderstanding had caused you pain.

The sound of his last name coming from you took the edge off, but the words you spoke set him off even more. His jaw tightened, and he took a step closer.

“I didn’t even touch her, I left before I even got the chance to buy her a drink.” He states, his voice now gruff, deep, his eyes narrowing at your form. The sincerity in his tone was unmistakable, each word a desperate attempt to bridge the chasm that had formed between you.

“Oh, yeah? Well, either way, I don’t give a shit.” You say, looking straight ahead at all the bottles on the shelves behind the counter, focusing on the bartender who was darting back and forth between customers. You could feel it. You were two fucking sips away from being able to ‘forget.’

Hell, it’s probably already working with the way you went off on Joel. You wanted to glance back at him, but the feeling of having his sad, puppy dog eyes on you just made something in your chest ache.

You were drunk, but that person who cared so deeply for Joel ever since that night, was still deep down in there. Somewhere. The alcohol might have been numbing the pain, but it couldn’t erase the memories or the emotions tied to them.

The way you were behaving pissed Joel off; he hated the way you spoke to him, how you acted, how you looked everywhere but at him.

It pissed him off, but at the same time, he knew the alcohol was taking control of you. The frustration boiled within him, mixing with a sense of helplessness.

He sat and watched you, his features hardening at the way you sat, your body leaning forward as the glass was in your hand, almost empty. Each sip you took felt like a blow to his patience, his concern for you battling with his anger.

He wanted to say something, anything, just to get you to look at him, but he let out a sigh instead, his voice low and strained. “You’ve had enough.”

You ignored him, taking more sips of your drink, but slowly, swishing it around in your warm mouth just to tease. He hated every damn second of it, snatching the glass from your hands, throwing it on the ground with the pieces shattering everywhere, repeating his words, “You’ve had enough,” with more aggression.

Everyone who stood in the bar snapped their heads at you two, eyebrows knitted, some had smiles, some had no care at all. You glared at Joel, jaw slightly open, the shock mingling with your defiance.

He turned his head at all the men and women staring so deeply into his soul, scooting off his chair, hand gripping onto your arm. “We’re leaving,” he said, his tone leaving no room for argument.

Joel grabbed onto your arm, wrapping his fingers around your skin with a firm grip, ignoring the way you attempted to pull away, dragging you out of the tavern.

Everyone in the crowd around them continued to stare as Joel stormed through, pushing past random people until the both of you were outside. The tension was palpable, the air thick with the weight of unspoken words and simmering anger.

He continued walking, still dragging you along, tossing you around like a rag doll, his hand gripping onto your arm even tighter, causing bruises. The pain shot through your skin, but the alcohol dulled it just enough for you to keep up with his relentless pace.

You finally manage to get yourself free from his grip, shoving him away with all the strength inside you. “Joel, what the hell is wrong with you?!” you shouted, your hand massaging the bruised area. He glared at you, no remorse shining through his eyes.

No response from him, just very quick breaths, the same grumpy face. You blinked, swallowed, then turned back around. Joel’s hand caught your wrist, forcing you to turn around.

You wanted to hit him, to call him filthy names, but you held back for some reason, because you did try, so why was your body rejecting you? Why were you giving in when you’re supposed to hate him? The conflicting emotions tangled inside you, leaving you feeling more confused and vulnerable than ever.

The sound of your voice echoed in his head as the words you spoke settled in. He looked at you with a hardened glare, panting softly from the adrenaline.

He ignored the way you attempted to turn, his hand gripping onto your shoulder to keep you in place, seeing the way you tried to shake him off or back away.

He took a step closer towards you, closing the space that separated you, the heat from both your bodies radiating off of you and onto him, your faces almost touching. You could feel his breath mingling with yours, the tension between you almost tangible.

“Honey, please. Let me take you home,”

Your face softened, lips pursing as you nodded. You were too worn out, the drinks finally kicking in and making your head swim. The lights from the streetlamps blurred into a hazy glow, and the sounds of the night seemed distant and muffled. But at the same time, you felt like the drinks kicked in at the wrong moment. You felt like you should be kicking and screaming, your emotions a chaotic storm inside you. But there he was, standing so close to you like that warm night, his presence both a comfort and a torment.

He practically begged you to let him take you home. His voice was low and urgent, filled with a mix of concern and something deeper, almost primal. He begged like he wanted to know you were safe. Safe under him. You stumbled beside him, your steps unsteady, walking up the hills that seemed steeper than ever, and falling up your porch stairs, your legs barely holding you up.

The sight of you stumbling was a sight to be seen. He had never seen you in this state, so drunk that you could barely walk straight, your normally graceful movements reduced to a clumsy shuffle. Your hair was disheveled, and your clothes were slightly askew, adding to the disarray of the moment.

You leaned on the wall near the door, the cool surface a stark contrast to the heat of your flushed skin. Joel was searching for the key in the small purse you brought, his fingers moving frantically, too drunk to bring up the fact that you didn’t take the key with you. The realization hit you like a wave, but you were too exhausted to care, your body heavy and your mind clouded.

He silently shook his head as he searched through your purse, his brow furrowing in concentration. The realization that you hadn’t brought your key with you hit Joel the moment his fingers grazed against the bottom of the bag, finding nothing but the smooth lining.

With a low sigh, he closed the bag, looking up at you, noticing the way you leaned on the wall, your eyes fluttering as you tried to stay awake. The streetlight casting a soft glow on your face, highlighting the exhaustion etched into your features.

“Where’s the key?” he asked, his voice gentle but strained, the weight of the night pressing heavily on both of you.

You couldn’t make out what he was saying, trying to make sense of it all when you watched him bend over to look underneath the mat in front of the door. His movements were deliberate, almost mechanical, as if he knew exactly what he was looking for.

He leaned up, sticking the gold key into the small hole, softly opening the door with a creak that echoed in the quiet night.

You stepped in first, the smell of home sweet home hitting you in the face. It was a blend of familiar scents—lavender, old wood, and a hint of something sweet, like vanilla. You inhaled deeply, closing your eyes as you staggered to the stairs, catching yourself on the railing, the cool wood grounding you for a moment.

Joel helped you, his arm wrapped securely across your back as he held you up, his touch firm yet gentle. You could feel his warmth seeping into you, a difference to the chill of the night air.

The soft glow of the hallway light put shadows that danced around you, making your journey seem even more precarious.

You sat on the bed, back slightly slouched, mellowing out as the room swayed around you. The soft sheets beneath you felt like a cloud, and you let out a sigh of relief, the tension of the night slowly melting away.

The room was dimly lit, the soft hum of the night settling in around you.

He kneeled in front of you, trying to look at your face as you were practically leaning forwards, eyes slightly closed, your breath coming in slow, heavy sighs.

“C’mon, pretty lady,” he murmured, his voice a soothing balm to your muddled senses.

He slid your black heels off with care, his fingers brushing against your ankles, sending a shiver up your spine. The relief was immediate, and you could feel the tension in your feet dissipate as he set the shoes aside.

After every foot he’d take out, it’d be followed with a small foot rub, his thumbs pressing into the tender arches of your feet, coaxing the tension away.

He stood with a grunt, his knees popping slightly, heading over to your worn-out dresser. He opened the drawers one by one, the old wood creaking as he rifled through the contents, searching for some comfortable clothes for you to shimmy into.

“Bottom drawer.” You yawn, eyes focused on your fidgeting hands in your lap, the weight of exhaustion pulling at your eyelids.

He made his way back over to you, pulling you off the bed to a stand as he lifted the dress off of you, the fabric slipping over your skin with a whisper.

His eyes explored your soft body, the scars from knives, or even bullets, each one a testament to the battles you’ve faced. He admired every part of you, his gaze lingering on the intricate tapestry of your skin, the stories carved into your flesh.

He just wished this didn’t happen. He wished he would’ve seen your perfect body another day. A day when you didn’t hate him, and when you weren’t drunk. This feels wrong. The regret gnawed at him, a bitter taste in his mouth as he helped you into the clothes, his hands trembling slightly with the weight of his own guilt.

Joel ran his thumb over the little nicks and scars that scattered over your body, the urge to kiss each one of them taking over, but he held himself back, instead, his eyes slowly exploring the rest of you. The way your skin was so soft, like silk under his touch, your curves in all the right places, how you looked so damn perfect, even in this vulnerable state.

He continued to slide the tank-top and small shorts over your body until it fit perfectly against your skin, his hands grabbing your hips, feeling the warmth radiate from you. His fingers traced the line of your waist, lingering for a moment as if trying to memorize the feel of you.

He didn’t want you to hate him, even if you were drunk. The thought of your anger cut deeper than any blade, and he wished he could turn back time, to a moment when things were simpler, when the world hadn’t yet driven a wedge between you.

You crawled under the sheets, his fingers gently pushing some hair behind your ears. He kissed your forehead, turning around to leave out the door, but your tired voice called out for him. He stopped in his tracks, his head looking over his shoulder.

“Stay.” You mumbled, slightly sitting up.

He nodded, just giving in even though he knew he shouldn’t, knowing that he should be at home, looking out the window as he sat at his single set table, waiting to see if Ellie got home safely. But he chose you.

He laid on top of the blankets, his hands resting on his stomach as his head turned to watch you. Your eyes stayed open, a small smile on your face as you two looked into each other’s eyes, the unspoken words hanging in the air, a silent understanding passing between you.

The room was filled with a tender stillness, the kind that only comes from shared moments and deep connections.

He hated the way you made him so damn soft, the way he melted whenever you asked him to stay, hell, even just the sound of your voice saying his name made his heartbeat quicken.

He watched as the smile stayed on your tired lips, his own lips curving a bit as he took in the sight of you. A warm halo around you from the bedside lamp, making the moment feel almost dreamlike.

He didn’t get this, but in this moment, he didn’t care to question it. He was just grateful that he was here, with you. The world outside seemed to fade away, leaving just the two of you in this intimate bubble where nothing else mattered.

“Kiss me.” You finally say, his eyes squinting slightly.

You moved closer, sitting up, him echoing your moves. You placed both clammy hands on his cheeks, eyes going doe.

“Kiss me.” You repeat, he obliged.

He kissed you gently, and then passionately, then aggressive. Like he’d missed this.

It was like that night, quick, rough, messy. His tongue found yours, roaming around in your mouth with free will. You moaned into the kiss, almost overwhelmed with the pace. The air around you seemed to thicken, charged with the electricity of your connection.

His hand went to your neck, pulling you closer, feeling as if he’d let go, you’d get mad again, pushing him away, telling him to leave. His other hand gripped your waist, anchoring you to him, as if grounding himself in the reality of your presence.

The room was filled with the sounds of your heavy breathing and the soft rustle of the sheets, creating a symphony of intimacy.

A low groan rumbled within his chest, the ache within him taking over. He missed this, he missed the feeling of your lips on his, the way you tasted, how your moans filled the empty air around him, the way you grabbed him and held onto him. Every touch and sound from you seemed to ignite a fire within him that he could no longer contain.

He couldn’t deny you, he didn’t want to anymore. The walls he had built around his heart crumbled as he surrendered to the moment, letting his desires take control.

He pushed you back, roughly laying you down on the pillows, his body pressed against yours as his tongue tangled and explored your mouth. His hands roamed your body, memorizing every curve and contour, while his lips moved with a fervor that spoke of months of longing and pent-up desire. The intensity of his actions mirrored the desperation he felt, the need to be close to you, to be one with you.

You couldn’t help but fumble the button of his shirt, groaning out of frustration as each button slipped from your fingers. Finally getting them, you rip his shirt open, tossing it across the room. You run your fingers down his chest, down his chest hairs, and then the hair disappearing down into his jeans. The warmth of his skin under your fingertips sent shivers through your body, heightening the intensity of the moment.

His hands groping your tits, you pulling away from the kiss to let out little noises of appreciation. Your hands stretched out on his back, holding onto him like you did that night. The way his muscles flexed beneath your touch brought back memories of past passion, making the moment even more electric.

"Jesus, Joel..."

You prayed that Tommy wouldn’t randomly bust through the door, and interrupt this moment, but you start to think your intoxication is messing with your imagination. How would he even be able to get into the house - God, get it together.

The room seemed to spin slightly, but the only thing that felt real was his touch, his presence, grounding you in this whirlwind of emotions and sensations.

His eyes meeting yours, and the way you looked at him, like you were appreciating his body. The intensity in your gaze made his heart race, a mixture of desire and admiration that he hadn't felt in a long time.

A low gasp slipped past his parted lips when your hands wandered over his chest again, his muscles tensing slightly under your touch as he pressed his hips against yours. The heat between you two was noticeable, every movement and touch amplifying the connection you shared.

He pressed kisses down your jaw and down your neck. He wanted to mark you, make sure anyone who looked at your body knew what a fucking whore you were. His lips left a trail of possessive kisses, each one a silent claim, as his hands roamed your body, pulling you closer, deepening the bond of this passionate moment.

Your hands aggressively moved on Joel’s jeans, pulling on them, trying to even rip them, too dumb to even realize he had a belt on. And that you had to unzip the fly.

“T-Take these off,” you beg, squeezing your eyes shut at the pleasure from his hips pressing into yours, the friction driving you wild.

He slides his jeans off with ease, pushing them off to the side. You didn’t hesitate to yank your tank top off, tits bouncing as they were released. Joel groaned at the sight, placing a kiss to each one, his lips warm and soft against your skin, sending shivers down your spine.

You hummed, back arching off the squeaky bed. The sensation of his mouth on your breasts, combined with the pressure of his body against yours, made your mind spin. Every touch, every kiss, heightened the craziness of the moment, making you lose yourself in the passion that enveloped you both.

Joel’s tongue ran across your skin, trailing down your chest, peppering soft kisses across your stomach. He could already feel you squirming underneath him, your fingers buried in his hair, tugging on the strands as his lips went lower. The sensation of his tongue and lips left a heated trail, making your body shiver in anticipation.

His tongue glided over your hip and to your inner thigh, pulling down your shorts while he’s at it, nipping and biting at the sensitive skin, making sure to leave a mark. Each bite sent jolts of pleasure through you, the mix of pain and pleasure heightening your senses.

“Look at you,” he whispered, his eyes looking up at you, dark with desire. “All needy and desperate for me.” His words sent a thrill through you, the intensity of his gaze making your heart race even faster.

You were already a moaning mess and he had barely even touched you. You were left in your pretty pink panties, hands gliding up and down Joel’s shoulders, feeling the muscles tense beneath your fingertips.

His touch was gentle, but so rough as he slid your panties off with ease. He took a moment to just stare at you, mouthwatering at the delicious sight, his eyes darkening with desire as he drank in every inch of your exposed skin. His fingers ran through the flaps of your pussy, collecting the juices that came with it.

You noticed his desperate eyes, tangling your fingers in his hair, pulling him back up into a deep kiss. The kiss was intense, filled with longing and hunger, as if you both were trying to pour all your emotions into that single moment. His hands roamed your body, making you shiver with anticipation and need.

His tongue slipped past your lips, once again exploring your mouth, as if he’d never gotten the chance to before. The taste of the strong alcohol was still prominent on your tongue, but he didn’t pull away; it was still you, and that was all he wanted.

He pulled away from the kiss, only to nip and suck at the mark he’d left on your neck, the sound of you groaning filling the air. The sensation of his mouth on your skin sent shivers down your spine, each groan vibrating through you, heightening your arousal. His hands gripped your hips firmly, holding you in place as he continued to tease and torment your sensitive skin.

His hand went down low, his fingers playing with your sensitive clit. Your jaw dropped open, squirming around as your hand gripped tightly on Joel’s arm.

For some reason, it felt weird for you to be fucking your best friend’s husband’s brother, but at the same exact time, you didn’t give a damn. You’ve been craving that longing feeling for so long now, finally finding someone to give it to you.

Joel’s touch was both gentle and demanding, his fingers expertly working you over, making you gasp and moan with every movement. The forbidden nature of your connection only seemed to heighten the intensity, making every touch, every kiss, all the more electrifying. His groans mingled with your own, creating a symphony of desire that filled the room, leaving no room for second thoughts or regrets.

You knew he was just trying to prepare you, but you needed him so bad. You smacked his hand away, and he pulled away from your neck to look at your face. His eyes were dark, filled with a mix of concern and lust.

"N-Need your cock." You whisper.

Your fingers wrapped around the band of his boxers, pulling them down, his fat erection bouncing up to his stomach. You gasped at the sight, throwing your head back as a shiver of anticipation ran down your spine.

He knew what you wanted. He kicked his boxers off fully, jerking himself with quiet whimpers that sent a thrill through you before entering your pussy slowly. His gaze stayed on you, looking for any sign it hurt, his fingers gently caressing your thigh as if to soothe any discomfort.

You breathed out a ‘god,’ eyes slamming shut at the stretching feeling going on down below. He stopped immediately, brows knitting with worry, but you shook your head before he could speak.

“D-Don’t stop, Joel,” you whispered, your voice trembling with need. "Feels s-so, so, so good, baby."

"Don't worry, sweetheart, I ain't goin' nowhere. I just want to make sure your doin' alright," he replies, soothing your whines.

Joel’s movements were careful yet filled with a desperate need, each inch pushing deeper as he watched your reactions closely. The sensation of him stretching you was overwhelming, a mix of pain and pleasure that had you gripping the sheets tightly. His quiet whimpers turned into low groans, his breath hot against your skin as he continued to move, his pace slow and deliberate, ensuring you felt every bit of him. The room was filled with the sounds of your shared desire, the vigor of the moment making you feel more connected than ever before.

As Joel pushed deeper, your body instinctively arched towards him, seeking more of the delicious friction. His hands roamed your body, one gripping your hip to steady you while the other trailed up to cup your breast, thumb flicking over your nipple. The dual sensations sent shivers down your spine, making you moan louder, your nails digging into his back, leaving red trails in their wake.

Every thrust seemed to reach new depths, his rhythm gradually increasing as he found the perfect angle that made you see stars. The sound of skin slapping against skin filled the room, mingling with your breathless gasps and his guttural groans. The intensity built with each movement, the pressure inside you coiling tighter and tighter, ready to snap. You could feel the heat pooling in your lower belly, your body trembling with anticipation.

Joel’s eyes never left yours, his gaze filled with raw desire and an unspoken promise of more. He leaned down, capturing your lips in a searing kiss that stole your breath away, his tongue exploring your mouth with the same fervor as his hips. The connection between you was too good to be true, every touch, every kiss, every thrust pushing you closer to the edge. The taste of him, the feel of his body against yours, it was all too much.

"C'mon, baby. C'mon." He praised; hands glued to your body.

Finally, the pressure became too much, and with a cry of his name, you shattered around him, your body convulsing with the force of your orgasm.

Joel's hips stuttered, his thrust losing rhythm as he asked, "Where?"

"Inside, please. Fill me up, Joel." your response quick, breathy.

Joel followed soon after, his release spilling into you as he buried his face in your neck, his own groans of pleasure vibrating against your skin. The two of you stayed like that, tangled together, riding out the waves of your shared ecstasy, completely lost in each other. The aftershocks of pleasure left you both breathless, hearts pounding in unison as you held each other close.

Joel pulled out with an over-exaggerated groan, plopping next to you. His chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath, eyes fixed on the ceiling, hand resting on his chest. You lay there, half-asleep, your mind a whirlpool of conflicting emotions. Did you still hate him? Did you still want to forget everything that had happened between you two?

Joel, sensing the fragile silence, got up without a word and headed to the bathroom just outside your room. You could hear him rummaging around, and you idly thought that he must be having trouble finding a rag or towel. Not that you cared; you were too tired to move, your eyelids growing heavier by the second.

Your eyes snapped open at the sound of your name being called softly. Joel had returned, a wet rag in hand. He sat at the end of the bed, gently spreading your legs to clean between your folds and inner thighs. His touch was tender, almost reverent, as he wiped away the remnants of your shared intimacy.

He held the rag under your leaking hole, rubbing your lower stomach to coax your droopy eyes open. “I know, baby. Just wait a minute. Push f’me.” You complied, feeling the mixture of his spend and yours rush out. He caught every drop, folding the rag and tossing it into the dirty hamper.

Joel then shimmied back into his boxers and gently pulled your panties over your hips. He walked around to the other side of the bed, slipping under the sheets beside you. He kissed your shoulder once, maybe twice, as you turned onto your side, your back facing him.

His chest pressed warmly against your back, his hand finding its way to your boob, grasping it for comfort. The steady rhythm of his breathing lulled you into a deep, dreamless sleep, the complexities of your feelings momentarily forgotten.

[cevansbrat0007]

New In Town

Summary: Introducing Chapter One of my Sweet Renegades Series. Sparks fly when you accidentally find yourself sitting next to Bounty Hunter, Ari Levinson.

Warnings: Mature Themes, Ari Being A Menace, Mentions of Death and Grief, Mentions of Book Boyfriends, Allusions to Disordered Eating, Cursing, Minors DNI

A/N: Major thanks to @curls-and-eyeliner for helping me plot out this chapter. This story is part of my Sweet Renegades Series. Not beta'd. All mistakes are my own. Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated. Thanks for reading!

It was happening again. You could feel him doing it. You knew without turning your head that the bastard had gone back to staring.

At you.

Gritting your teeth, you make a point of adjusting the skirt of your dress before returning your focus to Reverend Turner at the pulpit. Trying your best to ignore the hum of electricity in your veins, you find yourself wishing that you’d opted to stay home today. After all, you hadn’t been to church in ages. 

So what on earth possessed you to return today?

It’s not like you were concerned for your immortal soul or anything. On the contrary, you and God were good. You were even on speaking terms again – now that you’d finally forgiven him for calling your Uncle Leon home before you were ready to let him go.

That had been nearly three years ago.

These days, your grief has taken a backseat in favor of running the town’s only bookshop, Baubles & Quills. Once owned by your Uncle, the store had become your sanctuary as you’d struggled to cope with the loss of the only family you’d ever had. 

And now that you’d deemed life worth living again you’d apparently decided that attending Calvary Baptist Church’s Sunday morning service was a good idea. But the one thing you hadn’t counted on when you’d politely – and strategically – taken a seat in the pew closest to the door was that you’d end up sharing it with the likes of him.    

That bounty hunter fella that you’d been hearing about for the last week. His arrival had practically sent your little town into a regular feeding frenzy. Word on the street was that he was investigating something that had to do with your old high school pal, Martin Westbrook.

At least that’s what Charline Marshall had said when she’d stopped by your shop to return a book she’d purchased because she didn’t care for the ending. While you weren’t usually one for gossip, you’d been intrigued by her, ah, description of the handsome stranger that had taken up residence just a few blocks south of where you lived.

Two Days Ago…

“His name is Ari Levinson. Kinda strange, right?” She’d whispered conspiratorially, running a hand through her copper colored tresses . “But he’s a tall drink of water with the prettiest blue eyes I‘ve ever seen.”

“Oh really?” You’d mumbled, frowning at the crease that adorned the spine of the paperback book in your hands. Another one for the discount rack.

“Mhm. He’s handsome all over.” Charline had continued, picking up one of your more elaborate looking bookmarks and pretending to study it before using it to fan herself. “And not only that, but…” She’d leaned in then, allowing her freshly manicured nails lightly graze your arm. “I think he likes me.”

“Oh? Has he come out and said that?” Your eyes had gone wide with feigned interest. Because of course the man would be into Charline Anne Marshall. Who wouldn’t be? The woman was beautiful and, what’s more, she knew it.  

“Well, I mean…not yet.” The woman had let out a disappointed little sigh. “But I’m almost certain he will. I’m just giving him time to get settled in, you know?” She’d said, her perfectly painted lips curving into a smile as she held out a hand for her change. 

“How kind of you.” Good Lord how you wished you could hurry things along so you could go back to enjoying your peace and quiet. 

“Ari has already interviewed me twice. He even gave me his number, just in case I happen to remember anything else.” She’d tucked the cash from her return into her purse. “I think I might call him up and tell him that my memory works best after a couple of drinks. Think that’ll work?”

“I guess you’ll never know if you don’t try.” Even though you were annoyed, you’d pasted on a fake smile and closed the register, hoping that might be enough to convince her to end the conversation and move on already.

“Why, I think you just might be right.” Your unwanted guest held up the bookmark that was still in her grasp, her unspoken question left hanging in the air. “And this?”

“It’s on the house, Charline.” You’d patiently replied, bracing your elbows on the counter. “Best of luck landing your bounty hunter beau.”

“Well, aren’t you just a gem?” She’d all but squealed, sounding positively giddy as she took a step back. “You know, I bet if you spent a little more time out in the real world instead of holed-up in here with all these books, you’d probably be able to land a man too. You’d be awful pretty if you’d just put in a little bit of effort into it. I mean –” 

“No thanks.” You’d simply shrugged, unable to summon up enough energy to be outraged by the dig. 

It wasn’t worth the breath you would've wasted trying to explain why you were better off keeping the company of your book boyfriends. A real man required too much care and feeding for your tastes. 

“If you say so, sugar. But–” She’d responded as she strode towards the door. “Oh! You should come to my next party. We’ll let Mary Kay sponsor your makeover.”   

'No offense, Charline, but I’d rather put a campfire out with my face than attend your next Mary Kay get-together featuring you and ten of your mother’s closest friends.' You'd thought to yourself.

“Uh, maybe. We’ll see.” You’d hedged before turning on your heel and heading in the direction of the stockroom. “Enjoy the bookmark!” God, you’d never been so happy to hear someone exit your shop than you were at that moment.

Which brought you back to the present. You’re startled out of your reverie when the congregation erupts into thunderous applause, signaling the end of Reverend Turner’s sermon.  You knew you were going to have to move quickly if you wanted to avoid any unwanted attention from other members of the flock. 

Or worse yet: be forced into making small talk with Ari Levinson. Assuming that beast of a man actually possessed enough brain cells to actually string together a sentence or two. Which was a shame because he really was easy on the eyes. 

Unfortunately for you, you don’t realize that now you’re the one who’s staring until you notice the corner of his mouth tilt up in a smirk. Shit. The cocky lawman nods his head in your direction before having the audacity to mouth the word: “howdy”. It almost makes you wonder what his voice would sound like. 

Would his southern drawl be thick and rough, or smooth and easygoing? Assuming he was southern, that is.

Feeling your cheeks heat, you make fast work of grabbing your things before scooting out of the pew, doing your best to sneak out of the service before everyone is formally dismissed. The absolute last thing you needed was to have this man thinking you were like every other woman in this town who was willing to practically trip over herself just to get a good look at him. 

On your way out you brush past Sister Mary Jo Winans, who is all too eager to follow you out the door and halfway down the front stairs.

So much for making a clean getaway.

“You’re not staying for the potluck?” She wheezes, gripping the railing as she struggles to catch her breath. 

“Afraid not, Sister Winans.” You tell her while digging through your purse for your keys. “I’ve gotta go home and change so I can head over to the shop.”

“But it’s Sunday, honey.” The matronly woman huffs, adjusting the angle of her wide-brim church hat. “This is the day that the Lord has made. We are to rejoice and be glad in it. It’s all right there in the good Book.”

“Be that as it may, Sister, I’m afraid I can’t stay. Plus I wouldn’t feel right about eating when I didn’t bring a dish to contribute, so…” You offer up a one-armed shrug. “Next time.” 

You also weren’t a fan of eating in front of people. You were always self-conscious about whatever you put on your plate, convinced that you were being judged for your choices. Your stomach growls at the mention of food, reminding you that you’d left some cottage cheese and fruit behind at the shop. That would just have to do until you found the wherewithal to make it to the grocery store.   

“But–”

“Next time. I promise.” You kindly interrupt, hoping that she would just let the issue drop. “By the way, I set aside a copy of Joyce Meyer’s latest book for you.”

“You did?”

“Yep.” You confirm as you begin walking backwards towards the nearby parking lot. “Stop by anytime. We’ll consider it an early birthday present, alright?” Smiling when she nods, you toss her a little wave before speed walking the rest of the way to your car. 

Unlocking it, you climb in the driver’s seat and slam the door before gunning the engine. Finally free, you peel out of the lot and turn onto the empty street. Needing to focus on something other than your thoughts about a certain bounty hunter, you decide to turn up the radio, praying for your traitorous brain to cooperate. 

Yeah, no such luck. 

“Fuck you, Levinson.” You spit, wishing that he was close enough to hear you right then. Because the way you saw it, the sooner he packed his shit and moved on, the better off you and everyone else in this godforsaken town would be. And if he knew what was good for him, he’d stay far away from you.

He’d have more luck getting information out of a drunk Charline than he would trying to get you to spill your guts. And the moment he threatened you, you were planning to call Bell’s Creek PD to let them deal with it. Until then, you had some empty shelves to stock. But first…

You were gonna need to find someone to cut you out of these damned spanx.

END 

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[mizinthropy]

HELLO YES I TOTALLY AGREE THIS IS THE BEST GODDAMN TAKE ON LUKA i am going a little insane

8:48

Always thinking of my tags I did on that one post

(under tags cuz of abuse/mentioned distorted eating, and cannibalism for the lyrics in the second picture)

[theyluvlyss]

𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐩𝐨𝐨𝐥 & 𝐖𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐚𝐲...

my head is all but consumed with thoughts only of wade wilson, logan howlett, and remy lebeau. they're all I can process in my head (besides shazam, but that's a given considering no one loves shazam the way I do, so🤷🏽‍♀️) and I y e a r n desperately for an influx in "wade x y/n x logan" fics and the "remy x y/n" fics... dare I even ask, humbly ofc, hear me out... for a splash of "wade x y/n x remy". genuinely, I'd kill for some of that ngl.

and I bet you're wondering, "lyssa, why not do it yourself🤔?"

short answer: I am swamped with requests, and even if I wasn't, I'm not ready yet lmao I fear I do not possess the skills to capture them in my writing perfectly😔 ... yet😈.

in the meantime, tho *😈evil little laughter😈* may I plz suggest the following prompts and pairings to and for anybody willing to work with them or wanting ideas (begging any writers that see this to please write these and tag me plz plz plz plz plz 😭🙏🏽😃plzplzplzplzplzplzplzpl-)...

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⚠️trigger and content warning btw lol -

mentions of fighting/violence/bloodshed, death, gore, (like c'mon,,, bffr, look at who you're reading about😐🤨), anxiety/panic attacks, harsh words/themes/elements/physical injuries, abuse and/or negelct, separation anxiety, mental disorders, brief mention of sickness/illness, drugs (just 🍃 and painkillers), age gap (nothing illegal, chill out🤨✋🏽), use of a derogatory term (not used in a negative sense tho lol), and some semi-common smut themes that I won't list here, but be wary if that stuff makes you uncomfortable :)♡. also, these are all under the pretense that the reader is a cis girl, she/her/hers pronouns (so ig you could think of this as one, big, mass request to all writers willing from me lol🤭🥴🫶🏽).

𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭/𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭/𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭 :

- reader having a panic/anxiety attack and ofc being comforted (causes my vary; maybe right after a fight/battle, or because of over-worrying or too much pressure, maybe after a fight with another loved one, etcetc). definitely wanna see this with all three of them, but separately, tho. like, one fic or list of "preferences/headcannons" for logan, one for wade, and then one for remy.

- near death or death (followed by resurrection swift after). it could be reader almost dies or dies (then gets resurrected, get creative with it/how, fr, yk?) or the reverse; the POI (person of interest) dies, although given two of the three's abilities, y'all might have to get creative if you want it to translate for logan and/or wade so this one would be mainly for a remy x reader.

- I personally love a good "POI says sumn mean/outta pocket, hurts reader's feels, stuff happens idk, but they eventually kiss and make up" trope. I'd eat that up, especially cuz OHHH,,,, wade taking a joke or playful argument or something too far? logan being a little too mean/angsty to you for comfort?? remy saying something that gets lost in translation, so it comes out harsher than intended??? 😫😫😫‼️‼️ AND IF YOU WANNA GET MESSY WIT IT, RUNNING TO ONE OF THE OTHER THREE FOR COMFORT🙈🙈⁉️⁉️⁉️.

- a classic; reader getting injured (mildly or worse, doesn't matter), needing to be taken care of, but is stubborn about it?? always a good one.

- getting a little crazy and silly here, but I like a good "abusive and/or negelctful ex/current partner" trope. like hell yeah, one of you big, strong men get over here and save me, whisk me away and show me what I really deserve😻‼️. NOT romanticizing/glorifying it obvs, like no, I mean that wade, logan, and/or remy would not be the red flags in this scenario, they're the one(s) doing the saving FROM the red flag ex/current partner lol.

- getting a little crazier and sillier with this one, but one where reader gets snatched up🙂? oouuuu, miss girl got kidnapped?! once again, somebody come save me, and if "somebody" is not wade, logan, and/or remy, then don't bother, I don't want it. matter of fact, just gon' on ahead and leave me, I'll figure it out myself🙂✌🏽. I think I'd want these separate, actually, bc I wanna take in the individuality of their reactions, like,,, logan going feral?? pretty predictable tbh lmao but still hot. remy?? idek ngl, y'all gon' have to figure him out. BUT WADE BEING SERIOUS AND NOT AS TALKATIVE FOR ONCE UNTIL HE KNOWS YOU'RE SAFE???? OOOHOOHOOOOOOO, GIMMIE🖐🏽👹🖐🏽✊🏽👹✊🏽!!!

- ig this could be put in the panic/anxiety attack category, but I also feel like this might be it's own separate thing, so idk, but... separation anxiety on reader's part. whatever the circumstances may be to breed it, reader is just (not in a unhealthy way) attached to the POI(s), so them leaving for whatever reason is pretty hard on her (and the POI(s), too, because hello, they don't wanna make their reader upset, but things gotta get done fr yk😫🥲),,, lots of reassurance, comforting, and maybe distractions ensue??

- reader with an alter ego/inner beast, whether that be a result of her powers or a mental disorder (think like,,, split personality or maybe DID or something like that, but I do wanna say, if you're gonna go the mental route, make sure you do your research so that you're representing it - not only accurately - but you're not dehumanizing or dumbing it down as well) or just anything that would cause the reader to, as I said, have a different side of themself,,, werewolf type deal, yk? "normal" for the most part, but then has her moments where she be on demon time and then when she's back to herself, she's just like "???" while everyone else is like "!!!". I suppose this could then be followed up/solved with a "the sun's getting real low" typa thing/moment from the POI(s), but that's neither here nor there, do what feels right fr♡.

- reader (just barely) escapes cassandra nova??? that could be cool (a.k.a. very, very angsty bc surely the encounter has messed the reader alllll the way up both mentally and physically, especially knowing what typa timing cass be on lmao😃). love a good hurt/comfort, I can't get enough, actually. this one (given the movie context) may or may not work with wolvie and/or pool (again, up to the writer to get creative), but gambit?? he's been in the void his whole life, he knows cass, sooo it'd make more sense for him to have a higher understanding of the situation in full, but do what y'all want, I'm just the idea woman🤷🏽‍♀️.

𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟 :

- morning cuddles and softeness and ughghfhfhdjd♡!!♡!♡!!♡!♡!!♡!! and then the opposite, night/bedtime cuddles and softness and uugjfjdkwkfke♡!!♡!♡!!♡!♡!!♡!!

- height difference teasings and shenanigans. we can always stick to the classics, ofc, short reader, tall wade, logan, and/or remy. maybe its an advantage in fights - fast, lethal, and small + big, shielding, and strong - but sucks in more domestic/calm cases like reaching for shit on the top shelf or wanting to kiss somebody. but I'd also love some tall gworl reader type shit, miss strong, lean, runway model energy, stepping on any heads and wooing any men that are in her path🥴😻. bending down with a smile so she can hear him, mindlessly playing with his hair, occasionally makes a quip here and there on the difference without thinking lol and he haaaaateeees all of it (but he looooveeeessss all of it🤭).

- reader being THAT GIRL, literally being in a 1v26 or sumn crazy like that and she's just kicking ass and shit the whole time, and then there's the POI(s),,, gawking and in love like "damn that's MY GIRL fr\😻/!!".

- *imagine a vine boom after every bolded word, okay, go* teen/minor/young PLATONIC NONSEXUAL NONROMANTIC (literally I can not stress this enough) NOT DATING AT ALL EVER reader and one/two/all of them. I think it'd just be silly seeing them (wade, logan, and or remy) working/paired with/having a bond with this little gremlin yet sweetheart of a reader who's somehow able to tolerate/put up with/ignore/maybe even indulge in their craziness lmfao. maybe just as or is even more crazy than they are, chaotic and desensitized type shit. you could even get ansgty with it, have this teen reader need saving or something like that, yk?

- sparring match and reader BEATS POI(s) in said spar cuz she's cool, awesome, and mega baller like that. lots of tension and goofiness, especially from the reader, cuz she knows damn well she's the shit. or, a different route!!... total dumb luck that she beat him/both/all of them, and is very obviously playing it off/acting like she won on purpose lmfao, cockiness ensuing.

- can't go wrong with a sick-fic lol. who doesn't wanna be taken care of?

- reader needs/wears glasses🤷🏽‍♀️. it can be the discovery of actually needing them, reader always squinting tryna read/see shit, or nearly getting herself in and out of danger bc again, she blind lmao. or it's just the case of reader never wears them out and about, but in calmer moments (where she doesn't run the risk of breaking them) she'll put them on, so she decides to bust 'em out one day and it's just the POI(s) being like ":O...😻😻!!".

- *olivia rodrigo voice* JEALOUSY, JEALOUSY, YEAA-aAAH😫😫‼️ ... reader who just,,, she don't play that shit, man, lmfao it's called you can prove yourself either friend or foe,,, stay tf away from my man or get your ass beat. pick one. and it's the POI(s) just absolutely flattered and amused with this energy from reader lmfao, reassurance ensuing quick after ofc. or, if you wanna get silly with it (and by silly, I mean violent♡), reader with a girl who can't take a hint😀 *eye twitch* so she finally makes shit clear one way or another (one way; does sumn with the POI(s) that makes the girl uncomfortable so she fucks off. another; reader pretty much beats that girl up and it's the POI(s) laughing but also trying to pry reader off of her cuz "stop it, I'm yours, I promise, you don't have to kill her, she didn't know any better😭!"). or just completely switch it up, vice versa, role-reversal POI(s) get jelly and it's reader having to deal with whatever may happen after/due to the fact lol.

𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭 :

- shameless flirt reader!!!! she's not obnoxious or out of character/proper timing with it, but definitely a reader with helllllaaaaa rizz. is mainly on some "is somebody gonna match my freak?" type shi. wade would find it very silly and he'd match the freak ofc. logan,,, maybe he'd start off annoyed by it, then get used to it, only realizing you've actually grown on him once you start to pull back a little/stop completely? REMY WOULD LOVE AND BE AMUSED BY IT, so all I'm gonna say here is this: rabbits🐇🥰. iykyk♡.

- a smoke sesh leading to some good, old fashioned high/sleepy sex🥰. that's it, that's the prompt♡.

- lord, free me from my sins🙏🏽, plz don't judge me y'all😔 ,,, age gap😃? NOTHING CRAZY, CHILL, but yk, like,,, just a little young thing in her 20s or sumn being scooped up by one (or two🤭) of these older, more mature, aged like fine wine, and experienced men,,, that's all🥰.

- that moment when reader is a whore and is actually literally prancing around without a care in the world, fucking three different guys (wade, logan, and remy obvs) because "they're hot lol" - not necessarily behind their backs - but no one's saying anything or telling her no, nor does anyone seem to have any issues with it/are opposed, sooo😗🤷🏽‍♀️.

- do y'all think,,, because wolverine is yk...wolf-like-ish-whatever.... do y'all think that he,,,, that maybe he goes thru... a rut🙂?? lmfaoGDHAKXKPQPRR okay that's enough, that's enough🥴✋🏽-.

- you know how some smut has certain labels/themes/tags that are gonna be, yk,,, in said smut?? well, cuz I'm out of any specific ideas for smut, I'm just gonna leave some here, m'kaaaay, and whatever y'all wanna dooooo is up to youuuu, just as long as I get to seeee😗☺️🫶🏽~...

⚠️ also don't say I didn't warn y'all, I mean, there's literally a whole ass trigger warning at the top, so do not start fckn trippin' because you disagree with me or saw sumn you don't fw, cuz tbh, I don't care and you can honestly block me if it's that serious♡.

dom-sub, daddy/praise/breeding/spanking kink, knife/gun/blood play (and/or just mutant/power ability play in general hehehe), food/wax play, cnc (I don't suggest full blown non-con seeing as none of them seem the type to do such, no matter the circumstances, plus it's just not my thing personally but hey, I'm not currently writing for pool, wolvie, or gambit rn, so that's up to whoever is🤷🏽‍♀️), hunter-prey (y'all might see this and immediately think wolvie, which is understandable fr, but I beg y'all to get creative and let remy and/or wade hunt reader down, it can be done and done right, I promise, plz, I need it, 😫PLEASE!!-), friends with benefits,,, OHHH ENEMIES with benefits🫢🫢!!, overstim, jealousy/possessive/yandere, unprotected/creampie/oral ... that's all that comes to mind lmao wow what a crazy note to end this on, anyways-

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yeah, so, do with all of this what you will (and plz spread this around, I genuinely do wanna see these get written and myself tagged like I am PINING for these fic ideas to be turned into reality😭🙏🏽), I just had to get my thoughts out before I forgot (at least in the fanfic department), because if someone were to ask me my thoughts on the movie itself !!!!! OMG I could run my mouth forever, but I don't wanna do that (lazy) so lmao for now, that's all lol byeeee~ /ᐠ-˕-マ!!

[seireitonin]

Dating Toby?? Like is he clingy, jealous or protective of his partner??

(I don't know....this is my first time doing these things.....)

Toby brain rot :3 this is how I see Toby mixed with some canon information! (I’m gonna try to keep it realistic)

What would it be like dating Toby?

Toby’s life is filled with tragedy

Abuse, death, murder, mental illnesses, being a slave to Slenderman

It’s all bad

So when he finds you, someone that accepts him and loves him despite all that, he’s not letting you go

He’ll do anything for you

I mean to the point it’s unhealthy

Because hes obsessed with you

Like really obsessed with you

He’s super touchy, not only because he likes to feel close to you, but it keeps him grounded

That’s important to him because his disorders/ mental illnesses cause him to hallucinate or space out

He’s not gloomy he’s actually upbeat but when he remembers something from his past or the current state of his life he goes through episodes of depression and mood swings

They can get really intense and as you’re with him you’ll learn how to support him through it

Just laying with him, making sure he has water and reminding him you’re here for him will help lots and lots of physical affection

If his mood swings get violent he’ll isolate himself from you but it’s heartbreaking to hear his suffering

His swings can go from extreme anger to intense sadness to reckless happiness

Since he hasn’t had much kindness or interaction in his life he doesn’t have the best social skills

He’ll say whatever is on his mind with no filter and that includes you too

So he’ll say mean things unintentionally a lot because he doesn’t understand how what he says can be hurtful

And he might try to call you sensitive for it too

“Ugh you’re overreacting I didn’t even say anything that hurtful. It’s just what’s on my mind”

He literally doesn’t understand how it can make you feel because he’s a bit detached with emotions

It’s gonna take a while for him to understand but he loves you so he’ll try to understand for your sake and will work on apologizing

He can also just be rude or a jerk sometimes in general

Toby likes just spending time with you to the point where you’re connected at the hip

He won’t say he loves you with words but he says it with his actions

He brings you gifts, holds your hand, goes on walks with you, holds you and try’s to be better for you (even though it’s really hard because he’s set in his ways)

He talks a lot so sometimes you’ll just listen and smile

Since he can’t feel pain, when he gets back from missions you’ll have to help him check for injuries to make sure he’s okay

He doesn’t say it but he appreciates it

Sometimes he’ll just stare at you because he loves you so much, taking in your every detail

He notices everything about you, from your body language, how you tan in the summer and lighten in the winter, he even knows how many times you breathe in a minute

Toby eats a lot of instant ramen so be prepared to eat a lot of that at first but you start to cook for him because he needs to eat better

Toby never expected to have a girlfriend since he’s a lot to handle but he liked the way you handle him

He’s full of himself literally thinks he’s gods gift to earth so sometimes he puts himself before your relationship but he’s trying to change that

He’s really funny especially if you like dark humor

He’s a jealous man. You’re his no one else’s

If someone even looks at you romantically he’ll go crazy on them

Remember, Toby is still a murderer and enjoys murdering

Chasing them down and threatening them and if it escalated kill them with a smile

He does it all for you. Everything is for you.

“You know I love you, right?”

He looks at you covered in blood

Toby likes it when you wear his sweaters

He wants a family one day and hopes you can give that to him

He’s possessive over you but does it out of intense love and obsession

He wants to keep you safe by any means necessary because he’s so used to losing the people he loves and he really doesn’t wanna lose you

Toby drives a pickup truck and likes to drive you around in it

He likes to sit in the back of it with you and look at the stars in an open field

Since Toby’s older his tics have calmed down but they’re still there and he still has the occasional tic attack

You’ll have to help him through those because sometimes he can’t even talk when he’s having one

Stuff he can squeeze, ice pack on his forehead and making sure he doesn’t hurt himself

He’s happy you don’t see him as a burden like everyone else did

He’s never letting you go

He didn’t know he could feel love this intense

[ns-imagines]

Nikto никто

Nikto Character Introduction

If you find yourself drooling over possessive and obsessive!Ghost or König lemme introduce you to Nikto…

SFW [ all cannon information ]

Word Count: TBA its a lot

Warnings: Disorder mention; Torture mention; dissociative disorder mentioned;

A/N: Lemme talk to you for a moment…

My new masked crush. Heart and coochie go brrrrrrrrrrrrr

Post has not been checked for grammar corrections / Not requested :D

Cannon Information:

Nikto (Neeek-toe) is a Operator in Spetsnaz for the Allegiance faction which is within the KorTac Organization. Basically hes a contractor for the contractors. Its cannon that he has facial scarring which is why he wears a mask. Not a turn off for me ah ha ha

So he isn’t necessarily a good guy like the 141 guys (even though now they’re considered war criminals I suppose) but he’s also not a bad guy. In summary, man does what he gets hired to do.

Anyways, after going AWOL in October 2022 from the Russian contracting military group he resurfaced in June 2023 (also the introduction of his character in the game). He resurfaced being the leader of a military group which was overtaking the Dutch city of Vondel.

On the Official Wiki he is only given two paragraphs of biography. You can read it here -> https://callofduty.fandom.com/wiki/Nikto

Also mentioned on the page [ for the COD Mobile universe ] is that theres cannon beef between Ghost and Nikto!! Yes, you heard me right. So on the wiki it is mentioned that Nikto was working for a guy named Templar. Whom is betrayed and killed by Ghost. Then when Ghost went after everyone else in the helicopter he shot Nikto. It was thought that Nikto died from the shot but he didnt….

Nikto reappears when he takes a group of people hostage and records a video explaining that the world has failed them and has left people like (Nikto) to beg and then fight over the scraps. Price (yes Price) tries to convince Nikto to let the hostages go and to basically chill out but Nikto wins by blowing up the building. With the hostages inside.

Okay maybe he has beef with all of 141… and is kinda a bad guy I can change him

SO then time passes and Nikto reappears again seeking a gun deal with a dude named Gunzo. Gunzo asks Nikto “why a man wanted on every continent, doesnt have guns” this pisses Nikto off. Nikto replies with “i dont need guns” then proceeds to buy the guns from Gunzo. Then Nikto gasses the fuck out of Gunzo and his men with Nova Gas. Nikto explains to Gunzo that the world is failing blah blah. He then goes on to brag about how he doesnt need a gas mask to breath like everyone else because hes that edgy and then he just executes Gunzo. We can fix him

Nikto disappears again only to reappear flying a F-85B Bullshark and leading a military riot. He then orders a attack on Prices convoy (video below) and basically down their helicopter. In the video below you can see small arms fire, an RPG, and then a finishing shot. Which was shot by Nikto’s aircraft. Okay maybe he is bad, we can fix him ?

Which you can watch here -> https://youtu.be/dDaCTCu82t0

In game bio from MW, CODM, and MW2

It is referenced in his bio MW and CODM that he has acute dissociative disorder. Which according to WebMD

“Dissociative disorders involve problems with memory, identity, emotion, perception, behavior and sense of self. Dissociative symptoms can potentially disrupt every area of mental functioning. Dissociation is a disconnection between a person’s thoughts, memories, feelings, actions or sense of who he or she is.”

Which is explained to be from when he was tortured by Mr. Z. That event is also where he got his facial scarring from. Although he is Russian; in current MW2 timeline his nationality and language is [ REDACTED ]. I was looking around on the internet for why and Reddit believes its due to current world current events/tension. Rewording to: we can accept and love him. I dont think we can fix him.

I don’t expect this post to get a lot of attention but for those who like it my requests are fully open ❤️

i will definitely be posting more Nikto content and what I think Nikto looks like and how he acts.

Thank you for reading! -Kiv

[seungkwanniee]

pairings : boyfriend!seventeen x fem!reader

genre : angst

warnings : toxicity , cursing words , mention of death , being manipulate , love bombing , dependence , mention of eating disorder (hoshi) , mention of a break up

synosis : what red flag seventeen could be imo

an : I'm not romanticizing wrongdoing or saying they are okay !!!! Jeonghan again the shortest omg, ily my man 😔

〔masterlist〕

SCOUPS 』

I think we can all agree that Scoups is deffo possessiveness

"what the fuck do you mean I can't go because you're jeolous of other guys. It's not my problem it's yours" you scream your lungs out. You can't belive what you are hearing right now, you tought your boyfriend was more mature than that.

"you're not going anywhere because I said so. You're mine, you're in my possession, you're locked with me until the day you die" he would just add fuel by holding firm your waist, or maybe your wrist, making you just fall for him again

he would go crazy even if a boy looks at your direction, you're for only his eyes, you can't be too pretty for the others. You can't have friends, you need to spend all the single time with you and you can't run out of energy on others. Always have to be 100% for him.

JEONGHAN 』

he would be a manipulator fr

"do whatever you want, you'll comeback to me in two weeks" and throught this two weeks, he would say the most manipulating things

"you was overreacting over an innocent thing" "it's everything in your mind" after you broke up for the frist time because he cheated: no, nothing is in your mind. But he would sound so convicing that you'd fall for him over and over. His angel face is too beautiful to be just yours, right?

JOSHUA 』

so green flag that it was hard to think that he may be love bombing

"I love everything about you" didn't sounded weird at the start of your relationship with Joshua. His gift along with flowers almost every week didn't looked that strange in your eyes. Him showering you with love was everythings that you needed: the 1, 2 and 3 month went so smooth that you started thinking that everything was a dream. It can't be real.

"let's brake up" text on a friday afternoon really wasn't what you expected. It must be a joke, right? it can't be all of the sudden. You trying to contact him everywhere, even his stupid friends. All blocked. He broke up with you, after making fun of you for months like you didn't meant nothing to him. And probably it was like that, he must be having fun while your world breaks. After all, he is cronically offline.

JUN 』

I see him so much like emotional dependence

"why you can't be free today?" "are you really sure you can't?" "you can do this tomorrow" notification one after the other showed up on the phone screen, interrupting your work one again. Working on an life-depending project with a clingy boyfriend wasn't pleasant, and many people tend to say you was just overreacting.

"he cares about you" no, this isn't caring about your partner anymore. This is being completely obsessed at the point where you can live anymore. You chest was heavy, he sended at least thirty message about the already cleared thing, why he can't just accept it.

Imagine not being able to hang out with your friends, not able to have a girls night anymore. Watching them having fun, and then there is you being blocked by doing everything because of a boy. This isn't love anymore

HOSHI 』

him as excessive sarcasm fit so perfect

"you looked really fat in here" he was joking, but it didn't sounded funny to a girl suffering from eating disorder.

"soonyoung, don't you think you go too far with your mouth?" it should be you boyfriend defending you from dumbass, not his friends. He finds you crying yourself to sleep, on the floor, sitted on the couch and even in front of a meal. He was the one that everytime he saw you crying, he would hold you tightly and reassure you.

Everythink was vain when he jumped in with his unfunny jokes about you body. Who was laughing? none, even you as the most ironic person. It was just him on the floor, almost crying for his jokes. And you looked at him, wishing to desappear as fast as possible, and it was happening

WONWOO 』

a gamer is cronically online

"wonwoo, can I know the last time we spent time togheter?" who you even talked to? The one that was supposted to be your boyfriend was acting more like an hikikomori. His headphones were on, so there was no way he heard you. His eyes focused on the screen while his fingers were moving fastly. He was in the dark of his room, in this position, for at least 3 hours, and it was only 2pm.

You walk trowards him, moving aside the headphones. His head snapping trowards you so quickly that it almost scared you. "what are you doing? wha- omg. You made me lose, fuck" his acting was so redicolous, can you belive he is in his late 20'? "at least I have my boyfriend eyes on me" you almost sounded so pity, and it was so ashaming that you was even in this position.

"you're happy? I need to resume now" yeah, it lasted less than a minute. He putted on his headphone while his eyes must be hurting for that screen time.

WOOZI 』

what if not lack of communication

"why you're angry at me? If you not talk it out, I'll never know what's wrong with you" you was chasing him desperatly while he was wandering around your shared house. It was the frist time in an almost a week that he was staying at home for a little bit longer and not just sleep on the couch. The week was going on by him being the most of the time at the studio recording, writing, producing or maybe just ignoring you. You never been a lover of communication too, so you ignored him back, but it was driving you crazy at this point. You thought you was going insane.

"if I knew you would've been a pain in the ass, I would have stayed in my fucking studio" he now was cursing at you for... what? You was so sick of this, and you was feeling like you didn't counted nothing to him. "if you are not sharing your feelings, then let's break up", all you wanted was a reaction from him, this might lead him to say something but you was just facing a cold wall.

"kay" was everything he had to say, while you watched him cross the front door without even looking back at you for once.

DOKYEOM 』

man is know for pouting and be sensitive

"dokyeom, why are you behaving like this... again" you roll your eyes back by the sensitiveness of your boyfriend. Early in your relationship, you thought it was kinda cute of him, you loved reassuring him and slightly kiss his pout. But, things changes, and actually you was going insane by his behavior. Everytime you let him notice a bad thing he has done to you, he would just sit there, cross his arms and pout. Not talking to you even if you was speaking to him. You was the one hurted by his behaviors, and he was the one pouting?

"fuck, can you drop your childish stupid behavior" your patience today was thin. You wasn't going to apologize one again and put aside your feelings, they were valid maybe more than his unreasonable ones. You didn't even got a single stare from him, he was just scrolling throught his phone mindless. For a little, you was even being pity, maybe you was the wrong here. Maybe the sensitive one was you?

MINGYU 』

have a feeling that he is forgetful

"this son of a bitch" you humble under your breath hanging up the phone once again. It's been two hours and your boyfriend was fucking ghosting you, on your birthday after you cancelled all the plans with family and friends just to have a night out with him. He promised you that this time he wasn't going to forget your date, but he is just a liar.

You should've listen to your friends when they said to not trust him, not once again. You complained a lot of how forgetful your boyfriend was, how he was making you get ready just for him to forgot and cancel everything. But you fell for that man everytime you put your eyes on him, like you was forgetting all the pain he caused you, all the beakdown he caused to you.

And now, you was speding your birthday night crying your eyes out, dressed up for him just to be seen by none.

MINGHAO 』

so lack of listening coded for me

"hao, you're even listening to me?" you look at him, while he drink his tea. His gaze lost in nothing, and maybe his mind was everywhere but on you. You can't put blame on him, he has bad day or he is just tired right? but he has bad days every single day? Maybe it was okay, you are so talkative that time by time you get tired of yourself.

You can't say it doesn't hurt tho, whole life being shutted down and the lack of listening from you boyfriend just reopens a wound, or it was never closed. You wish he could at least listen when you're crying your eyes out, when you're opening with him, at least when you act in love with him.

VERNON 』

boy is mad cold

"have you ever said that you love me?" you was in a long-term relationship, you just thought it was weird of him never expressing love. You was feeling like you didn't counted a single thing to him, while you could just gave him the whole world. He just shurrg his shoulder while his mouth was filled with food, so you excuse him for the lack of words knowing deep down yourself that he wouldn't dare a words even otherwise.

"for you it's completely right then?" you weren't even curious, you already know the answer so you're just hurting yourself more. You don't know if having answer directly from him would make things clearer or not, you just know how much this is hurts: it almost feel like a one-sided love, not a good experience. You hate the way you chest hurts everytime for a man that doesn't care about you.

SEUNGKWAN 』

over friendly boyfriend one hundred percent

"you are blind or don't you see how that whore clinges at you?!" you were MAD, it wasn't possible that your boyfriend gives zero respect for you or he can't see how his girl friends were wandering way too much around you. That night it didn't even seemed that you was his girlfriend, he just seemed a single boy loving all the attention.

"just friends! I can't even have female friend now?" you look at him stunned, he was being for real? He just looked so dumbfounded, like he really doesn't get the point. He doesn't see what he is doing wrong, he just don't get the way he is disrespecting you and this made you thing he will never change

DINO 』

he would compare you to others

"aw~ see that couple, why you don't do the same~" he points out a couple that was being clingy... maybe too much. He really wanted to look like this, in public?

"you know my friend passed at the frist try? you should do the same" while you're talking about how you can't pass that fucking exam at the university that it's been bothering you for months now. But he does that for everything, how you should look shorter than him like that one friend of his does, how you should cook like Mingyu does, how you should more extrovert, more cheerful, more more and more. It's like you aren't worth, you aren't okay in anything, how someone it's always better than you.

It's been bothering you for months, he made you felt insicure about every single thing of you. Look, personality, worth, skills and everything you could even think. But you are perfect Lee Chan, aren't you?

[willow-schmillow]

Traumagenic disorders (like most disorders, I believe) can look very different in remission or during/after successful treatment than they do when someone is at their worst.

In the traumatic situations I was in, my DID presented with frequent amnesia and dissociation (depersonalization and derealization,) flat affect, and uncontrollable mood swings. Out of the situations but before treatment, it looked like frequent flashbacks and possessive switching, more amnesia, and several conflicts between alters.

Now, after a few years in therapy, my DID looks like functioning as one unit, co-consciousness and easy communication, frequent blending, and fusion being possible between even parts who had high conflict with each other.

I still have DID. It just looks different in treatment (especially since I'm working towards final fusion, it's not going to present the same way someone with untreated, unmanaged DID will present.) I've lowered dissociative barriers via work in therapy - I'm still a person with Dissociative Identity Disorder.

I personally don't see it as "recovering from DID" but "recovering with DID." When I fuse, I will hopefully have the skills to deal with stress in a way that doesn't trigger splitting again, but I don't negate the years I struggled with this disorder. That doesn't stop being a part of my history any more than recovering from my eating disorder did.

This is not even to mention people who pursue functional multiplicity - their DID doesn't stop being DID because they're in a healthier, happier state.

No syscourse interactions.

[yyouzip]

FS pick a pile!

————>>> ★ this reading includes…

- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them

- a description of your FS

- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them

-what the relationship will be like

-songs with the vibe of you and your fs

-random things that may resonate:

+ a mini mood board :)

CW: very very very brief mentions of sexuality (sexuality as in things about sex and not orientation.)

!! the future is destined to change depending on you, so don’t take this as absolute truth. this is just for fun !!

look at an image, and pick whichever resonates. (it’s totally fine to pick more than one.) take what resonates leave what doesn’t.

pile 1

- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 9oC, 8oS rx, kingoW. (9oW knightoP 4oW 6oP the world all rx)

so for starters, you might end up manifesting the FS of your wishes with or without realizing. with the 8 of swords rx and king of wands, it looks like you’ll be manifesting them intentionally. after a long journey of manifesting and looking at the big picture with optimism and knowing that this person will come into your life, you’ll be able to sit down and watch them come in without any shock or surprise. you’ll be feeling immense joy and gratitude at their presence. it might have a bit of a kdrama vibe if anything. very cheerful and happy.

your first impression may be/may have been that they are someone who is reserved and unwilling to take risks. they may seem a bit defensive and paranoid and a bit of a perfectionist. as well as someone who comes from a difficult/traumatic background full of conflict and instability. you may get the impression that this person didn’t have a good childhood or home life. they also give the impression of someone who is more worried about taking care of themselves before others. because of this, they don’t give the impression of a generous person. they seem very insecure and as if they are seeing closure or peace somehow. they don’t seem complete as a human and seem to have been broken by their life or the world. :(.

- a description of your FS 2oS, 7oS, 6oC, 4oP, QueenoCups ex, 8oW, 9oS., 8oC

they may seem like someone who wears/has more cool tones? emphasis on the eyes (mb glasses or peculiar/alluring eyes?) someone younger/young looking who wears dark clothing or has a more “edgy” fashion sense. their young look and style of clothing may contrast a bit. they’ll visually have very mysterious and alluring vibe. the kind of person who wanna know more about because they just look mysterious and unique. they might look wealthy and smell very good.

they’ll be very possessive and reserved. unwilling to share with others and refrains from admitting things freely or even speaking a lot. they hide a lot of pain and it overwhelms them. they’ll be very sensitive and dependent on you and break easily when any pressure is placed on them. they’ll still be very exciting and a fast decision maker. who enjoys doing fun things on a whim. just for fun. they might be very fearful and anxious, maybe even to the point of a mental disorder enhancing those issues. the 9oS and 8oC literally popped up out of nowhere and they were hiding in a weird spot, like i don’t even remember pulling them out? makes me think your FS could be the kind of person who hides these issues in particular. they are plagued with the horrible memories of the past and may be prone to nightmares and the idea of abandonment and loneliness is what scares them the most.

- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them the moon, the magician, 10oP, the fool, kingoP, 4oW

your FS feels like you’re a bit uncertain, and possibly hiding something. this “something” may have to do with something in the realm of loa, shifting, tarot, etc? they see u as someone very very complex and magical. they feel like there’s a bit of an illusion with you and you may be putting up a front. they feel like you’re someone with so much willpower and desire. very great at manifesting and getting what you want and hard work. they think you’re very wealthy and well connected with others. you’re a family person (biological or found family, whatever resonates.) and a loving and kind person with an abundance of wealth and resources at your hand. they think you’re very beautiful and so loving as well as hard working. they love you so much!

you’ll see them as someone who’s very spontaneous and free. they may be younger than you btw. they seem willing to take new chances and a very free spirit. like a wanderer or a traveller innocently stumbling around and enjoying what they run into and willing to accept the world presented to them. you see them as a good business person and an ambitious person. you feel like they are hard working, very rich, and smart. (i feel like you two will be very wealthy..) they seem attractive and sensual to you. they give me sort of of kdrama bf vibes. we’re u trying to manifest yourself a kdrama style romance and fs? hahaha. you feel like they’re a bit unstable and unable to really ground themselves. you feel like they feel unsupported and it makes u rlly sad.

-what the relationship will be like knightoW rx the emporer 6oW, 4oP 8oW

despite the previously stated issues, the relationship will be very healthy and stable. you might be a more authoritative figure in this relationship. w the emperor and the previous cards abt ur fs i’m getting like “daddy/mommy issues” and one person finding comfort in the other for being more mature or a bit older as well more structured. still, energy may be a bit scattered at times and frustrating. it may be hard to communicate with each other and see eye to eye. as well as arguing with no feeling of achievement or recognition. you or they may get a bit egotistic and you’ll seek personal achievement in winning arguments. still, you’ll love each other a lot and want to be close forever and always. you guys may be a bit clingy and very very close. probably possessive of each other. you just love each other a lot and want to be emotionally, mentally, and physically close 24/7! you may propel each other to your goals a lot faster and feel very aligned. overall it’ll be a very emotional but loving relationship.

songs with you and your fs vibe: cool with you by newjeans, either way by ive, basically the whole soundtrack from all about lily chou chou, snooze by agust d, julia and green mile by sza, velvet ring by big thief,

things that may resonate: cats, cars, gaeul from ive (?), the ocean, the sunrise at 6:00 am, the sea again, the number 34, teenagers in love, falling asleep during a long drive, white rooms, accubi fashion, metaphysical stores, stepping into a body of water and its cold for a second

Pile 2

- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 10oC, 7oS, the empress rx, QoP, AoS rx, KnoW

for starters, your meeting will feel like fate. like an act from the divine and absolute alignment. your meeting will likely be a random coincidence. w 7oS, i see it being the result of sneaking around? maybe you were sneaking our or meeting up with people you weren't supposed to. very "right place right time" kind of situation. you definitely weren't supposed to be in this situation and you likely felt nervous. maybe skipping school/work? you felt on edge and happened to meet this person very coincidentally.

immediately, you thought this person was a practical and smart person. very kind, gentle, and nurturing. they seem very clean and almost luxurious. very goal oriented and sooo gentle. despite this, you likely had a negative first encounter. i think there was alot of bickering and because of this they came off as someone who was greedy and selfish, unwilling to hear from others. they seem very adventurous and passionate with leadership qualities. this is kind of screaming YA novel hahaha.

- a description of your FS PoS, 6oW rx, AoP, PoW, 4oW, KnoW

they have a very unique style of dressing and a heavy feminine energy for sure (that doesnt mean they are female, they just carry a significant amount of feminine energy.) they seem to be a fashion person who is able to creatively make their own unique and beautiful outfits. like the kind of person youd see on pintrest or trending on tiktok. veryyy unique fashion sense with an airy and dreamy sort of feel. like those frutiger aero playlists vibes kinda. and ditto by newjeans if that resonates? they like how they dress and look and dont care what other people think at all. alot of people may dislike their style and even tease/make fun of them for it, but they like it so its fine. their unconventional looks might land them alot of modelling jobs or things akin to that. they also look very dreamy (like their features) and sorta surreal. they give me a y2k vibe.

they're very extroverted and willing to speak to people without any fear or worry for judgement. they're very cheerful and joyous with positive energy all around them. they're well balanced and harmonious, clicking with others very well. also very relaxed and relaxing to be around! they can be very passionate and willing to take a lot of action. i get very smart vibes from them. like extrovert, popular, probably going to harvard kind of person. they really just happily enjoy their life and being alive.

- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them 5oP rx KoP 8oP rx QoS judgement rx 10oW rx wheel of fortune rx 8oS rx

they feel like youre someone who welcomes them with open arms whenever and wherever. they think you are their recovery or ailment when they loose something. and they feel like you are a positive change to their life/world. you seem very reliable to them and like a stable force in their life. you're very protective to them as well as a strong intelligent being. and to them you're very safe, kind, and sexually attractive. they find you to be very forgiving and independent, able to follow ridgid principles and and be fair and critical when needed. but still, you seem harsh on yourself. they feel like you need to learn to love yourself better and stop doubting yourself as well as stop self loathing.

you feel like they lift a burden off of your shoulders. like they release your pains and worries by being with you. but sometimes, they feel overwhelming. maybe you like to be alone often? so as much as you love them, you can get a bit overwhelmed and fatigued. they make you feel like youre a bit of a babysitter at times and not a partner. you feel like they try to micromanage things and control what can't be controlled, and it's a bit troublesome. regardless, you adore them. it feels like they can be a bit too spontaneous and it feels like you have sudden, unwelcome changes in your life that are a result of them. with them, you think you can release your negative thoughts and embrace the positive. they make you feel like you can run away from the harsh realities around you and be embraced by freedom. when you're with them, you feel like you're dreaming a bit, in a good way. like you're in another reality where you don't have negative self thoughts and your inner critic shuts up.

-what the relationship will be like KoS 5oS rx the heirophant death

itll be mentally empowering, like for the first time the both of you will have your feelings validated. one of you will be more authoritative, but itll be mutually agreed upon so dw. being w them feels like understanding absolute truth almost. like you dont need to think about other things when you're with them. you just need to love them and enjoy it. in a way, its like being with them was the death of your past pain and negative cycles, and reconciling with love as you grow a love for it. you're arguments wont even be like real arguments, just constructive conversations leaving everyone happy in the end. v v mature. you both may be very spiritual/religious and your relationship might be very traditionally. maybe you're both from the same culture or religion and bond over it.

songs w u and ur fs vibe: sex drugs etc. by beach weather, all night by beyonce, get up by newjeans, potage by tricot, future by paramore, mistakes like this by prelow, crying lightning by arctic monkey, promise by jimin, i need u and run by bts, luma from super mario galaxy

things that may resonate: the colour blue, hyyh/bts youth trilogy, running away from home, adventure, spray paint, youth, teenage years, kpop girl group leaders, rose quartz, a mature or older fs w a "sexy" image, friend groups, enemies to lovers ?, reading and intelligence, femininity and sensuality, shifting realities, academic validation, skateboarding in the suburbs during summer

Pile 3

- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them AoC rx the empress rx 5oC rx 7oW the sun rx 3oW rx 10oW rx

youll be feeling depressed most likely, feeling gloomy and empty because of insecurities and self neglect. like very very low mood (i wanted to cry as soon as i pulled these cards bro. like my eyes keep watering wtf. like pile 3 are u guys good???iufyjidsuhy ily take care pls). your creativity may be blocked and you might be upset because of your depression/bad moods. because of this, you may be trying to find positives in life. like going out, self care dates, etc. trying to move on from this might end with you meeting new people. from this, looks like youll meet your fs. and fight your depression and sadness in the name of your love for this person. like for example, u may have no will to go on, but you push forward because of this person.

u might feel like this person is is pessimistic and gloomy. a bit dry too. yet, youll have high (semi unrealistic) expectations for them. like they themselves are supposed to fix you and your life. they seem like they arent punctual and maybe are a bit immature upon first impression. as well as someone who burdens themselves with alot of work. they seem like theyve burdened themselves with too much and now collapse.

- a description of your FS 4oS the devil 9oW rx 6oC 8oP rx KoP 9oC the world rx

they have very very heavy masculine energy (doesn't mean they are male, but they have a strong masculine energy about them.) they have a tired and sleepy kind of look, maybe 'senpaku' eyes. kind of like a billie eilish kind of tired/sleepy look. they look like theyre a song by the neighbourhood, if that makes sense. their fashion sense is dark and edgy, like kind of grunge, goth, emo, or a lot of dark colours and piercings generally. they are youthful looking though. with 9ow rx they might look a bit intimidating and harsh. very very edgy though like alot of dark colours. the image of silver rings and jewelry on slim fingers kind of at night comes to mind. they may like the occult and wear occult symbols.

they might be a bit lazy. maybe they currently work in a retail job or in fast food? but regardless they do not enjoy work at all. "i dont dream of labour" fr. they can rush things and might have a problematic reputation. but w KoP they dont really care. they are a reliable person with a good understanding of business and a secure self image. they are very kind and probably quite wealthy. with KoP and 9oC its like they come from a very rich background. they like to spend money often as they have alot of it and enjoy the pleasures of life. as well as spoiling their partner. they feel very content with their life and wouldn't change how things are, even negative things. still, they feel like something is missing and they haven't achieved much, especially for their age. this person gives me party vibes. somehow, theres a bit of emptiness inside of them, like a hole they just can't fill with no explanation as to why.

- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them 8oS rx PoC rx 6oC rx the emperor the magician judgement rx

they think you are capable of more than you know, and they just really wished you knew that. you're like, incredible in their eyes. like a shooting star or something. they think you're getting way better and you're opening up to new, less harmful, perspectives. they think you neglect your inner child and they feel like you're using escapism too much. they feel like you need to open up and be emotionally vulnerable with them. they think you can be a bit immature at times. they want you to be more independent and move forward. they want to travel the world with you, and be with you, and love you.

you see them as someone with discipline and authority. someone who's smart, capable, and stable. you feel like they can protect you and be your shield when the world attacks you. you see them as a proactive person who works hard for their ambitions and for the relationship. they're exciting and experimental. you feel a bit 'in denial' about the relationship in some ways and like you've been ignoring or overlooking something in the relationship. its hard to say what, though. maybe you've been judging them unfairly?

-what the relationship will be like KnoP 7oP rx KoW PoS rx

you'll both take your time with it all, with no rush or 'skipping steps'. you may not realize they are the love of your life for a few years, or you may realize it but not take action. you'll both be insanely loyal. like, "slow and steady wins the race" kind of thing. you guys are perfect together and every moment is perfect, so there is absolutely no rush at all <3. but this "taking time" approach may leave one or both of you feeling impatient. at times, it might even feel like theres little or limited reward to this approach. regardless, with KoW, you can both look into the big picture and understand why you shouldn't be moving toooo fast. you or your fs will be very bold at times, romantically or maybe sexually. youll both be very energetic and taking the lead at different times. very cute and very romantic date nights. you both may struggle with communication at times and take pleasure in "being right" instead of agreeing.

songs that have the vibe of u and ur fs: colours by halsey, sweater weather by the neighbourhood but specifically the part after 2:19, born to die by lana del rey, no escape by health ft the nbhd, basically everything by the nbhd, tonight you are mine by the technicolors, we used to be friends by the dandy warhols

things that may resonate: the numbers 1218? victorian architecture, life is strange (video game), cyberpunk aesthetics, alita battle angels, college or late teens, pride, piercings, silver, gray, smoke, sneaking out to go to rock/punk concerts in the evening, beer cans, young adulthood, electric guitars, hobie from spiderverse

Pile 4

- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 7oW the chariot the empress justice rx 10oS 6oC rx

you might have unjustly gotten into some trouble/accused of something you never did, but you, knowing yourself and what's right, stood up for yourself without shame. in this moment, you succeeded in defending yourself. your fs was likely present, and found you attractive and was amazed by you and your gracefulness as well as determination. you came off as the kind of person who knows what they want.

they seem like they have been betrayed and are exhausted. like they've been through alot and have been pushed around by others alot. the world turned it's back on them and those that love them have betrayed them. they seem like they have a heavy energy and carry alot of pain. with 6oC reversed they seem like they are older and more mature, someone who makes you think about the future, but seems stuck in the past. (iff that makes sense?). they seem like a very independent person who walks alone after being hurt by others.

- a description of your FS 3oW 9oW rx 2oC the moon 5oP rx temperance

they're very confident in their appearance, they may have beautiful eyes or glasses that make them look very nice. kfjshk idk y i get a big forehead vibe from them? haha. they might seem a bit emotionless and stiff, tsundere kind of look. they may look a bit tired and have eye bags. this person's eyes may be very significant. they might have a very symmetrical look to them and maybe pale skin? fs may be slim and have coloured eyes (like blue or green) and light hair. i get some masculine energy from them (does not mean they are male, but they have masculine energy.)

they're very secretive and prefer their privacy. theres alot that they hide and they are a very complex person. they follow their intuition and it often leads them in the right way. i feel like they have prominent pisces placements. they often feel a bit confused and may not be super smart. they feel welcomed by you and are in the process of recovering from alot of loss, greif, and pain. they feel more positive and like life is changing for the best. they're very patient, calm, balanced and relaxed.

- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them the hermit AoW rx 7oS 9oC rx 7oP rx 9oP rx strength temperance

they might think you're a bit lonely and silent, shy but knowledgeable and deeply wise. they think you're someone who is endlessly growing and understanding themselves. you're consistently looking for new opportunities to grow and searching deeply within your soul for change and growth. they think you have alot of ideas and things to share, but you hold back and aren't saying these things. they think you're a bit sneaky and are good at lying or manipulating others. (not them necessarily) and you're incredibly smart and strategic. they find this (and you) very attractive.

you think they are a bit unfulfilled, and missing something in their life. you feel like they should try and achieve better things sometimes. bc w 9oC 7oP they seem to be a bit lazy at times and a little bit toooo relaxed. with 9oP, u may feel like they may spend money a bit too much and be somewhat superficial. they also may have issues with not being alone and independent, which they're a bit more accustomed to. giving them alone time is important. but they're insanely strong and brave to you. able to face the deepest and harshest of issues without breaking a sweat. you find this very endearing and they're incredibly caring and loving towards you even in your worst moments. you quite literally could do everything wrong and hurt them infinitely, but they'll always and forever love you and hold you gently. they seem very relaxed and balanced, tranquil and peaceful. very patient and understanding too. you feel very harmonious and tied to them.

-what the relationship will be like queen of wands 10oP rx KnoW KoS

the relationship will make you both feel confident and happy. you'll be very emotionally open and not clingy/attached the hip. you'll both have the independence you crave/prefer, and be confident in your love and relationship. you might argue/have disputes with their or your family over the relationship. it may be unconventional or controversial in your community. outside opinions may find their way to you guys and hurtful opinions will definitely cause hurt and discomfort. you may have an open relationship or something of the sort, or a very exciting and spontaneous period in the relationship. KnoW = this will likely be beneficial in the long run. you'll both have high standards for each other and expect the absolute best from one another. you don't argue often as you're able to control your emotions well.

songs that have you and your fs vibe: trash by alex g, advice by alex g, exquisite tension by youll never get to heaven, the man who died in his boat by grouper, blue city by nahee, to us by apro ft wave to earth and wavy, heavy water/id rather be sleeping by grouper, roslyn by bon iver

things that may resonate: the year 2002, liminal spaces, IT department of a company, marriage and kids, nuclear family, electronics, young love, first love, "nerd", napoleon dynamite, south and south east asia in the early 2010s?, "her", twilight

Pile 5

- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 5oS rx 10oS 7oC 9oC rx 10oP KoW judgement < < < those 3 r all rx

for starters, youll be pretty upset in whatever this situation is. you were betrayed pretty badly and you're learning that winning isnt everything and sometimes situations can be lose-lose. you may be wanting to get revenge or sabotage someone over a hurt past. you may have gotten heartbroken and are now on the search for a new lover. with 9oC rx you may not be looking for something serious, but something that can make you happy for a while and supress your boredom and lack of fulfillment. maybe you want to make your ex jealous? with 7oC it looks like youll have alot of options at your disposal, but alot of these options are like illusions and are not what they seem.

you met in a non-traditional way. maybe a hookup? you think they're controversial and seem broke (compared to you, that is.). like your standards are too high for them. they seem unstable and like their wealth and success is limited or disappearing quickly. they give celeb vibes, and in your eyes they're on the road to being irrelevant. they seem power hungry but its a total turnoff as you can't see them being a strong leader. (you give the vibes of someone who watches the wizard liz haha). they seem like they don't learn from the past and aren't self aware.

- a description of your FS 7oP KnoP the sun KoW KnoW the world 4oW rx 5oP 3oW

very very veryyy strong masculine energy. (doesnt mean they are male, just their energy!) (also, sorry if i use he/him pronouns to describe this person. again, doesnt mean theyre male but the masculine energy is strongggggg here.). they look like they work very hard and are put together and wealthy looking. they alwaysss look good and smell good, youll never catch them lacking ever. idk how to explain it but they look very like wattpad rich guy kinda energy haha. they doesn't need to go all out to look good. wearing designer and kinda semi formal attire? they look stoic and doesn't express his emotions frequently. the looks very wealthy and successful, may have dark/tan skin and has very good skincare and hygiene. they look incredibly intimidating and has a resting bitch face. looks mean and scary but also sexy and alluring. looks like the "strong silent type". i also feel like they have a bts jungkook vibe (this doesnt mean jungkook is gonna be ur fs at all btw they just have his vibe so please dontldksfjhdjsf)

he feels like they belongs where they are, which is almost on top of the world. they've achieved a lot in their life and are prideful in themselves. they've travelled alottt in their life and met many powerful people. their home life was rough and they had a troublesome childhood. they welt unwelcome at home and probably still do to a degree. they may be undergoing hardship when you first meet them, and feel lost, cold, and alone. with the 4oW and 5oP, they may have somehow disgraced or embarrassed their family. i think this has to do w a family business and losing assets/money. i see this family being rich and wealthy (like chaebol kind of thing). they feel restricted and alienated. things aren't moving forward fast enough for their liking and it's frustrating to them.

- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them judgement QoW wheel of fortune the empress death rx page of wands temperance

they see you very very well. they see you as someone who can take care of business, and change what needs to be changed. in your professional life and love life. you're a hard worker who people always listen to. they think you're charismatic and very confident in yourself. no one can ever deflate your ego or break your confidence. they're very attracted to this and find you passionate and an incredible socializer. i see you as some kind of business person in the future?? they think unexpected things in your life happen constantly and you're very fortunate and lucky constantly. you're extremely physically attractive to them and incredibly disciplined and hardworking. they find you very nurturing and sexy.

you think they can be afraid of change and repeat negative patterns alot. they are unwilling to take risks and let go of the past, which you feel is a source of all of their problems. you want them to come out of their shell and stop living in the shadow of others who you feel are unimportant. "you're the main character of your life, so act like it." you think they're very lively and expressive despite what others think. they're spontaneous and fun. they're balanced and calm and patient with you, which you adore. what was once spontaneous and a fleeting romance/fling (PoW) turned out to be something beautiful and meaningful thats going to last for a very very long time. (temperance)

-what the relationship will be like 10oW AoP the lovers rx PoC rx justice 6oP rx the magician

it's not going to be very easy, alot of work will need to go into it. with 10oW and the lovers rx it looks like you two may be prone to arguments and butt heads often, meaning alot of effort will need to be put into maintaining the relationship. you both are very very physically attractive, and im getting a young vibe here, and alot of money on both ends (esp w AoP) so you have alot of options as far as other partners goes. and with PoC you're prone to getting bored of one person. therefore you'll need to make sure to work hard on both ends to keep things health and even monogamous. with AoP i see even more financial abundance with this union. as if this relationship is a financial investment. you'll be an incredibly privileged couple, able to pay for expensive dates, gifts, and trips. if you don't put in the work, itll be disharmonious and boring. if hard work is put in, romantic attempts and efforts will be rewarding and both will be treated fair and with immense love. one of you may be controlling or overbearing as far as power dynamics may go. and gifting the other alot while getting nothing in return. this might not be bad though. the magician = being proactive and manifesting your desires, so this excessive gifting and power dynamic may be mutually agreed upon.

songs that have the vibe of u and ur fs: closer to you by jungkook, pray for me by the weeknd ft kendrick lamar, los angeles and crown by seulgi, i am by ive, unforgettable by french montana ft swae lee, famous by french montana, escapism by raye

things that may resonate: extreme wealth, jungkook vibes (i promise this doesnt mean its jungkook its just the VIBES so..😭😭), city at night, sportscars with lights in them, the colours purple, red, and green, the wizard liz, manifesting money, rich networking parties, feminine ceo energy, wealthy business people, shanghai and beijing, qatar and dubai, wonyoung

Pile 6

- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 4oW poW AoC rx the world poS 6oP

you met this person at some kind of gathering, like a wedding, baby shower, party etc. or a reunion of sorts. you were feeling extroverted and spoke to them completely out of the blue after experiencing a series of emotional instability and emptiness. as well as creative losses/blocks and difficulties. you likely flirted with them out of nowhere for the sheer "yolo" feeling. love that for u tbh.

they seemed like they really belonged and were having a good time at this event (im getting wedding tbh.) and they were a very achieved, successful, and strong individual with a sense of harmony and fulfillment. they seemed very witty and funny, alert and smart. able to make a great and pleasant conversation, v fun to talk to! they came off as very generous and kind as well as someone helpful to their community willing to give away their fortune for the good of others.

- a description of your FS 10oW AoW rx 2oS rx AoS justice rx 10oP 6oC rx

they look strong, muscular, rugged and hardworking. they have a larger frame and some masculine energy (masculine energy doesn't mean your fs is male, just their energy is masculine.) they may have prominent facial hair (eg. beard, strong bushy eyebrows, etc.) they appear a bit nervous and anxious. despite a muscular build they look passive, timid, and nervous. they have a gentle and cuter face.

they're smart and constantly have new ideas and breakthroughs. they have an incredibly creative mind and may be an author? they often avoid accountability and can be dishonest and unfair. they have family issues and dispute with others about finances and assets. they are mature and move on from the past rather than living in a nostalgic past 24/7.

- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them wheel of fortune rx PoP the magician rx 3oS rx 3oP rx KnoC

they feel like you can be unfortunate at times and find yourself in unfortunate scenarios. you try to cling onto control but fate often has other plans for you. they would like you to just accept that some things can't be changed. they feel like you're incredibly talented, but dont use your talents when it'll make your life easier. they feel like you're incredibly diligent though, and have an incredible sense of loyalty and duty. they see you as an incredibly intelligent person who's going to do incredible things one day. like, they see you and think "they'll change the world". they're incredibly in love with you and feel like their world revolves around you. they love u sm.

you think they're a bit emotionally repressed, but you for some reason feel extra compelled to forgive and accept them and their faults or wrongs. you feel extra forgiving towards them. you think they can be a bit competitive and uncooperative, which may be the source of pain and arguments? but still, they're great at mediating arguments and are incredibly skillful and smart. they're diplomatic and resourceful. they're an overall joy to be around and are loving and thoughtful. they're extremely romantic and flirty!!!

-what the relationship will be like QoC strength QoP 2oW rx

the relationship will be extremely therapeutic and loving. a strong sense of comfort and mutual trust will be built, creating an extremely healthy environment. the relationship will not only be deep romantically, but platonically. you'll be the absolute best of friends as well as loving union of partners. the people around you are likely to be admiring your relationship, too enamoured with your love to feel envy. you hype eachother up 24/7 365 and are the source of each others overgrowing confidence. like this is peak healthy relationship. you live comfortable and luxurious lives and are wealthy, especially in emotion and love. with QoC strength and QoP you're likely to live as a happy and comfortable married couple and grow old together. the relationship is stable and comforting with both sides being madly in love with the other and their presence. goals may be reached spontaneously rather than with slow effort and intense planning.

songs with the vibe of you and your fs: rip tide by vance joy, the astronaut by jin, moon begins by florist, everything stays by olivia olson (adventure time), good habits (and bad) by saba lou, butterfly (prologue mix) by bts

things that may resonate: the 80s, backpacking across europe and south east asia, travel, charity, travel to hot climates, suburban homes, adoption, 2 kids and a pet, wealth, hiking and outdoors, forests, 2nd grade, settling down, summertime memories that feel like pixie dust

I hope you enjoyed !! take what resonates, leave what doesnt :p.

[sophieinwonderland]

"There's no scientific backing for endogenic systems and tulpas" says the Lemur Therian

I'm sorry, I didn't realize Mr. Lemur that you needed scientific evidence to support people's identities and experiences.

So um, just for the rest of the class, @that-lemur, can you show us the proof that you are, in fact, a lemur internally?

Because without scientific backing, I just don't know why anyone should believe you, by your standards... 🤷‍♀️

Oh wait.

When it's your identity, your position is...

Got it!

Anyway, reminder that the Alterhuman community is inclusive. It has always been inclusive since the term was coined, including plural and walk-in identities. (Walk-ins generally referring to a type of spiritual headmate who walk in to a system.)

So yeah, if you're routinely posting in inclusive spaces, people will probably assume you're inclusive and safe to interact with.

Now, I find it pretty ridiculous that someone in the alterhuman community is using a lack of scientific basis to argue someone's identity is invalid.

But I also need to say that this factually incorrect!

Practically every source, including dissociative experts, have confirmed that endogenic and non-disordered plurality exists or at least may be possible. Anti-endos have yet to produce even a single doctor who has said otherwise.

And more recently, there was an AMA with psychiatrists researching tulpas in an fMRI study for Stanford University. One of their big findings was changes in the brains of tulpa systems during possession of limbs.

This is actual, neurological data.

Beyond that, here's a big document of other research and studies related to endogenic systems.

I could go all day with pro-endo sources. But here's the bigger thing you need to understand.

Bigotry like this has no place in the alterhuman community. Because if you decide that someone's identity isn't valid because they don't have "scientific backing," others will see that as permission to say the same about you.

The system medicalist ideology of requiring scientific validation is harmful to all alterhumans, not just endogenic systems.