#and none of this information is particularly useful it's just a well of Fun Facts

[chaotic-neutral-knitter]

every once in a while I'm reminded that there are a lot of people who go through life without aggressively researching everything. I'm like that xkcd comic about geologists thinking everyone knows the chemical formula for quartz except I just assume everyone has late night googled their way to knowing all the common cognitive distortions, reads the wikipedia article for every medication they take, and understands why almost every calico cat is female.

[butchvamp]

i did Lucanis's inner demons quest last night and have some thoughts [everyone groans in unison]

i admit that i definitely have a bias for Lucanis, i really like the crows (or i should say the crows from previous games & the lore around them) and my Rook is a crow so i'm inclined towards him in general.

that being said i feel i'm just. missing huge bits of information about him. he exists entirely in a void. i don't really know anything about his relationships with Illario or Caterina, the game glosses over so much of his role and what exactly he does within the crows (beyond just talking about how he was the Demon and the Magekiller) i suppose it's just too icky for the game to truly acknowledge outside of a few jokes about Lucanis poisoning the gang's food...

i know from seeing people posting excerpts from his novel that Caterina did, in fact, physically abuse him; i figured this was the case considering she's a high ranking member of the crows and thus no doubt had a role in torturing recruits, even if the game pretends like this is a thing that doesn't happen. you get a bit of banter early on where Lucanis, talking about Illario's behavior, says something along the lines of "My relationship with Caterina was complicated, too, and I was her favorite." implying some level of friction between them as well as conflicting feelings about her death.

but then that's it. we get nothing else. this should be a major piece of his story, a part of why he feels the way he does, and exploring Caterina's role in his and Illario's abuse would better expand upon Illario's resentment and make his and Lucanis's relationship more compelling beyond "Illario is a big jealous meanie."

i really wanted to like the inner demons quest more than i did, because conceptually i enjoy going into the fade/Lucanis's memories with Spite, so far Lucanis's quests have felt the most Dragon Age to me (fighting a naked woman in a giant pool of blood + seeing Spite lose control, him and Illario butting heads and having a competitive relationship before this (as the crows all should...), etc. these are fun!) but just like the rest of the game it's still holding back.

when you confront the memory of Caterina all you get are these choices:

none of these are particularly satisfying if you actually know the things Caterina has done... "Your love for him" is actually vile lol

this entire questline is a linear walk through fragments of the Ossuary & Lucanis's memories, there is nothing interesting here, Rook just plays therapist for about twenty minutes and then you make a nothing choice at the end that has no affect on anything at all... and most egregiously, we have learned literally Nothing new about Lucanis that the game hasn't already made an effort to tell us repeatedly (a real problem the game has in general, constant hand-holding and repetition).

there's Quite a bold choice to compare this quest to the Fade section in origins right at the start, with Rook and Spite joking about getting past the guards: "What did you expect, to turn into a mouse or something?" like yes, actually, i did expect something a bit more! even if you want to say the warden does the exact same thing with their companions in that quest, their dialogue is FAR better-- again, Rook's is all clinical therapy-speak (where did she even learn this shit? did the crows pay for her to get a degree in psych and become a licensed counselor?) and in origins, we do actually learn something new about each companion as well as getting to see them interact with their fantasies and/or nightmares. we get nothing here...

we could have seen him and Illario training together, being competitive, the early seeds of resentment being planted between them by Caterina's goading and abuse. we could have seen the guilt Lucanis feels about this, about Caterina's favoritism and how it's affected his relationship with Illario. we could have actually seen what happened to him when he was captured and in the Ossuary, we could have seen some of the horrible things he's had done to him and that he himself has done to become the Demon of Vyrantium, we could have learned more about why the demon inside of him became spite specifically-- because if what Zara's echo said is true, it started as an Envy demon-- so it was influenced by Lucanis in some way. what makes him spiteful? why is it spite that keeps him alive in the Ossuary...? is it spite as in defiance-- defiance of the Venatori, of Caterina's expectations and abuse, in defiance of Illario's betrayal...? unfortunately, Lucanis never really feels spiteful at all. determined to survive the Ossuary, but afterwards, never has he come across as spiteful (Spite is mostly just petty and a bit bitchy).

in my opinion the Envy demon fails because Lucanis was never envious of Illario or the First Talon position, only crushed by the loss of their relationship and guilty over Caterina's favoritism. obviously Caterina's expectations weigh heavily on him, but he knows he's the favorite, and he doesn't envy Illario for not being so-- he seems very aware of the fact that it doesn't equate to Illario having it "easier." but the game barely addresses this, only in weak voice-overs, while the majority of the quest is spent convincing Lucanis that he's not actually a demon. Lucanis is wholly a good guy that only kills blood mages and loves his poor grandma and his inner demon is entirely Literal and just him feeling bad about being an abomination :(

nevermind all that yucky complicated stuff. Illario is Bad and Jealous and deserves to be punished for... doing exactly what crows have always done.

of course it's easy to make Illario look bad when all of the other crows are treated like a found family, when we know that's not the case at all. crows have been competing and scheming and killing each other since origins. this isn't meant to make light of Illario's betrayal (in fact i still think it's quite significant given their history and the two of them being the last of their family) but instead Illario is very obviously suspicious from the start, the reveal of his betrayal was not surprising, it's predictable because, again, he is presented very differently from all the other crows we've seen in this game-- he's the Bad one, and Lucanis is the Good one. no nuance!

in his short story, The Wake, Illario is actually depicted as being extremely remorseful, getting very drunk and reminiscing on old childhood memories of Lucanis while Viago has to carry him home... of course there's no way of knowing the exact intent behind this story or what changed since (published in 2020 and written by Mary Kirby, after all) but either way, we don't get anything like that here. somewhere along the way we lost the depth and complexity of both characters; we don't get to confront this big ugly thing between them because the game refuses to engage with anything ugly at all.

[its-time-to-write]

OOOO what about Jamie having a huge crush on the reader so much so it’s effecting how he thinks like how he was in the show where he played against Man City. So Roy and Keeley follow him (like in the show) and see him spying/ watching (he’d never admit it) the reader whos working either as a waitress or a bookshop owner because he’s too nervous to go in. Or maybe even secret girlfriend where they follow him and accidentally meet the reader whos been in a secret relationship with Jamie. Lol I hope you can understand what I was trying to say 😅

Pretty sure I picked up what you put down! Here ya go!

don’t go wasting your emotion

Jamie Tartt is not acting like himself. 

The first person to notice is Roy, because it shows in his training. He seems… distracted. So he mentions it to Keeley, and asks her to keep an eye out. They have some big games coming up, and Richmond cannot afford a distracted Jamie. Keeley promises she’ll check up on him soon, but Jamie just keeps getting weirder.

He jumps and hides his phone when Dani plops down next to him on the locker room bench, passes the ball to the opposing side during practice, and keeps going offside. It isn’t long before the other coaches notice, as well as his teammates. The only one who doesn’t seem particularly worried is Sam. When Isaac asks him if he’s noticed anything off about Jamie, Sam just shrugs and says, “It’s probably nothing. I’m sure he’ll get over it soon.”

AFC Richmond does not have time to wait. They need Jamie to get his head out of the clouds and back firmly on earth. 

Shortly after Isaac’s talk with Sam, Colin catches Sam and Jamie whispering in the weight room. He catches snippets of words like, “can’t know,” “just do it,” and… “bookstore”? Surely he didn’t hear that right. Colin shrugs and heads to go see Trent. He’s an investigative journalist. He’s got to have some insight.

Colin presents this information to Trent, Ted, Beard, and Roy, none of whom have any real ideas. As they try to come up with plausible scenarios, Trent leans agains the door with his mug in quiet thought.

“You’ve been mighty quiet over there, Mr. Independent. What’re your thoughts?” Ted asks. 

“I’m not sure,” Trent replies. “We simply don’t have enough facts to come to a conclusion. What we need is someone to follow Jamie after work and see if that will provide any insights.”

“I’ll do it.”

The room turns to look at Roy. He looks uncomfortable. “Keeley and I have been meaning to talk to him anyway, and if he fucking catches any of you lot following him, he’ll never fucking trust you again. I’m your best choice.”

Beard looks at Ted, and they nod. 

Ted says, “Alright Roylock Holmes. You and Dr. Jones have fun tonight. Let us know what you find out,” and that’s that. 

—

Roy calls Keeley and tells her the situation, and it’s not hard to find a pretense for her to be with the team. It’s movie night, and she’s there more often than not. They have pretty much unanimously decided on Paddington, mostly to heal Dani’s trauma from hearing the Paddington Twitter account gave Richmond no marmalade sandwiches. That’s what they say, at least, but if they are crying within the first fifteen minutes, that’s not for anyone to say. 

Jamie sits in the back and he keeps looking at his phone. Sam pokes him and Richard catches something that sounds like, “Go- can’t expect- if you didn’t ask,” at which Jamie nods, looks around, and then slips out the door.

“Where’s he going?” Isaac asks Sam, who shrugs and says, “I would assume to use the restroom.”

Isaac turns back to the screen, but Roy and Keeley look at each other, nod, and quickly get up to follow Jamie. 

They trail him out the building and down the street, watching as he puts his hood up in an effort not to be noticed. They follow him for half a mile as Jamie makes a very purposeful trek through Richmond, unaware that he’s being followed.

Keeley and Roy turn a corner then stop, because Jamie has stopped. He’s just out of sight of some big glass windows. He checks the time, gives himself a shake, then removes his hood and pulls the door open. Keeley and Roy share a look and rush to the window.

It’s a bookstore. The sign on the door says they close an hour from now, at 9pm. Jamie is inside leaning on the checkout counter, talking and laughing with you, the cashier.

“Started that book you told me about,” he says. “You’re right. I hate it.”

“Right??” you reply. “Isn’t it awful? It makes no sense at all, and reading it makes you feel like you’re on drugs, and it’s supposed to be a classic! Thank god you only got it at the library and didn’t have to waste money on it.”

Jamie laughs. “Got any real recommendations this time? Trying to become more cultured.” 

You laugh too. “You know, you’re a lot more cultured than you think. You’ve understood most of my references, and you have an impressive vocabulary. You have a wonderful grasp on the difference between intellectual and conversational tone.”

Roy and Keeley can’t tell what you’re saying, but they’re thinking the same thing. Is Jamie blushing?

Before they can ponder this, you come out from behind the counter to lead Jamie to a shelf. You both look straight at Roy and Keeley, who duck. You turn to Jamie, humor on your face. “Friends of yours?” you quip.

“Un-fucking-fortunately,” he responds. “Oi!”

Roy and Keeley slowly pop back up and Jamie exasperatedly beckons them inside.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

Roy, stoic as ever, just grunts. Keeley says, “We were worried about you! You were acting all weird and botching things at practice. We thought you were dying!”

Roy rolls his eyes. You’re doing your best to maintain a straight face. 

You know exactly who these people are. You know Keeley Jones because who doesn’t know about Keeley Jones? You know Roy Kent because he came up as a suggested search after you googled Jamie.

Jamie has been coming into your bookshop for a while now. At first it was to look for some book about forgiveness, but after you helped him pick that out he just… kept coming back. He’d lean against the counter, supported by his elbows, and stay from 8pm until closing. Usually, he was the only customer you’d get that time of night.

It wasn’t lost on you that he was a) gorgeous and b) definitely flirting with you. He wasn’t the first customer to fancy himself in love with you, but he was the first that you actually liked back. And the first who really read what you said you liked.

You just didn’t get why he hadn’t made a move yet, especially after looking him up. It didn’t make sense. You considered making the first move, but that freaked you out too much. Still, despite his inaction on that front, he kept coming back and talking to you. Sometimes he’d bring you coffee. He’d always help you close the store. You once joked that you should put him on the payroll, to which he looked at you, and deadpanned, “You couldn’t afford me.”

You’re pretty sure that’s the moment you actually fell for him. You’re a sucker for a good, stupid sense of humor.

“Why would you think I were dyin?” Jamie asks. 

Keeley shrugs and Roy answers, “Because you’ve been playing like shit.”

Jamie glares at Roy. “I have not, you dusty old twat. You take that back.”

Keeley clears her throat. “Well, actually babes, you kind of have. It’s been this whole thing. Everybody’s worried about you!”

Jamie pinches the bridge of his nose. “Jesus Christ. Why the fuck are you all in my business? Did Sam put you up to this?”

“Why the fuck would Sam put us up to this?” Roy asks.

“Because Sam caught Jamie looking at my Instagram,” you interject.

Three sets of eyes turn to you. “What?” you shrug. “Sam looked up my handle and messaged me about it. We’re friends now.”

Jamie shakes his head in disbelief and Roy says, “So Sam fucking knew about this?”

The tips of Jamie’s ears turn red as he says, “Uh, yeah, so Sam’s been telling me I need to ask her out for like fuckin ages now. Always on me about how it’s dumb to keep checking my phone for her texts, especially because I haven’t even asked for her number or some shit.”

You swear that is the dumbest, cutest thing you’ve ever heard. 

“You want my number?” your voice comes out an octave higher than you’d like it to.

Jamie turns to you. “Uh, yeah, yeah I do. Been meanin’ to ask you, but I dunno, I keep telling myself you’re just being nice to me ‘cause of your job. Didn’t want to be fuckin weird.”

You smile. “Jamie Tartt, for someone so intelligent you really are dumb sometimes.”

He looks pleased with the compliment, then offended, then he realizes what you’re saying. His face goes through those expressions in a moment and then your hand is on the back of his head, pulling him down for a kiss.

Keeley looks on with a smile and Roy stares at the ceiling uncomfortable.

You break apart and Roy says, “Oi, Tartt!”

You and Jamie turn to look at him, arms still around each other.

“This better mean you’re done fucking up practice.”

“Yes coach,” Jamie mock-salutes.

Roy gives him a singular nod, and with that, he and Keeley head out the door. Keeley gives you a little wave and a thumbs up to Jamie.

“Now, where were we?” Jamie asks. “Oh, right…”

[inkpot909]

How They Text the Reader Headcanons

↳ Characters included are Bruno Brucciarati, Leone Abbacchio, and Guido Mista. Gender Neutral Reader with they/them pronouns.

A/n: I’ve always wanted to try my hand at doing x Reader text messages! This was very fun to make, and I do plan to make more of this kind of headcanon list for the rest of Bucciarati’s team.

Warning(s): None.

Bruno Bucciarati

Bruno’s text messages are straight to the point and utilize proper grammar like the mother he truly is deep down.

Not the type of person to send emoji’s… ever, really. This is because he views texting as a simple tool to use when he can’t just speak to you in person or over a phone call.

However, you prefer the funnier explanation of it actually being because he’s secretly very inept at using technology (this is very much so part of it he just won’t ever say so).

In all honesty, he prefers to call you and hear the sound of your voice more than communicating over text. He’s the type to call in order to converse about whatever mundane thing is on his mind instead of sending a text.

That said, he’s definitely the type to always tell you good morning or wish you goodnight with a sweet text message.

Also, because of his job, he’s often put into long-term situations where calling isn’t exactly ideal. That’s when he’ll text the most; he just wants to check up on you regularly when he can’t be there in person do so! This became especially true after rising to the position of Capo.

His text messages may seem… bland to those unfamiliar with him.

But since you know him as well as you do, they always ring as genuine and an extension of his polite kindness.

Admittedly, it is hard to argue against the fact that his straightforward style of text often leads to misunderstandings. This is due to his sometimes unreadable tone:

Leone Abbacchio

Hardly ever texted you at the beginning.

Since the two of you started going out, he’s gotten a bit better, though. Before, he was very adamant that if he has something to say, he’ll wait when he’s face-to-face with you.

But when he eventually let it slip that he often forgets what he even wants to talk to you about, you slowly began getting him to text you more.

Arguably the best method of doing so is to get him to tell you about something he feels strongly about. Whether it’s something positive like asking him about the music he’s been listening to recently, or it’s something more devilish like bringing up subjects that really bother him.

Leone is at least very reliable.

Meaning that, although he doesn’t often start a conversation over text himself, he will respond to you reasonably quick.

Tease him by claiming it’s because he has a soft spot for you and he won’t text for an entire day (you know he loves you).

He also prefers to use proper grammar and punctuation in his texts. That said, Leone does use emojis (usually just to express disappointment) and sometimes can seem more expressive in text than he is in actual conversation.

One sweet thing he does over text is that he always sends you a message after he makes it home after a particularly dangerous mission, informing you that he’s safe. He knows you worry, and although he often puts up a front claiming it’s annoying, he truly does take note of that concern.

Abbacchio’s just not completely used to having someone like you in his life who holds a special concern for him. He is adjusting; slow and steady.

And although he forms the habit of texting you more, it’s you and only you he has the energy to do this for (outside of probably Bruno). This leads to other’s on Bucciarati’s team to text you when they want to get a hold of him:

Guido Mista

Real talkative over text, especially in the evening after he’s finished with his dinner. He’s pretty expressive and uses a decent amount of emojis.

Will plop down on his couch with an exaggerated bounce, pull out his phone, only with the purpose of talking to you and doing nothing else on the device.

The two of you actually had to work on how late you’d stay up texting one another.

Hours disappearing in the blink of an eye and leaving you both extra tired the next morning. And on occasions that it was decided to take the conversation into a call… it’s easy to see why you both have slept in late more than once.

Although not as frequently as someone like Narancia, Mista will send memes every now and then. Not only that, but he always replies to the ones you send him.

He prefers to send you embarrassing or funny pictures of others in the group over memes, though. You’ve seen photos of Abbacchio and Fugo in particular that Mista could honestly use as blackmail.

This has bitten him in the butt quite a bit, though.

After discovering Mista’s been doing this, the others now send you every single unfavorable image they own of the gunslinger. Even Bruno’s sent his fair share.

And although Mista often forgets to say good morning to you through text, he always says goodnight to you.

Not only that, but Mista will text right after he’s completed with a mission. Although a bit of a goofball, he always takes work seriously, and will leave you on delivered on hours at a time depending on what he’s up to. But the minute things have calmed, he’s letting you know.

Mista will certainly ask one of his common out-of-pocket questions designed to get a conversation going via a text message.

This isn’t a bad thing per se, except for the fact that he has a bad habit of doing so at three in the morning.

Even still, they’re not the weirdest variation of texts you’ve ever received from him:

[billpottsismygf]

Mockumentaries

The mockumentary format can be really fun, but I've been thinking more and more about how it's not always used to its best effect. Binge watching Abbott Elementary is what has really brought some of the specifics of this into focus, and it's what is freshest in my mind at the moment, but it isn't limited to one show. My problems with it manifest in many ways, and there's nuance to all of them, but to boil them down to their essentials it's usually:

Characters doing/admitting things they want to keep secret, either from the world or from other characters, while aware they are being filmed

Shows going on for years and years, which indicates either that the documentary crew are sitting on years' worth of footage or that the fictional documentary is being released year by year equivalent to how we see the real show

Characters going off to have private moments and acting as if there isn't a cameraman (or several for all those extra angles) two feet away from them.

On the first point, especially egregious examples include the breaking of laws or rules. My main example, because it's the episode I'm halfway through right now and the thing that compelled me to make this post right now, is everyone at Abbott trying to hide the fact that they got the computers as bribes from the golf course. Even if they deceive this one guy (I'm five minutes from the end), it's going to get out eventually via this documentary they're all so happily admitting it to. This goes for various things throughout the show, including more than one plot-important blackmailing.

Even when it isn't something illegal, there are plenty of things that characters are trying to keep secret from other characters, and yet they're brazenly doing or talking about it on camera. Relating this to the second bullet point, it is thus weird when characters find out information in later seasons from interactions with one another, when they should have found that out from watching the prior season (if we assume that is how the documentary functions).

I thought about these first two bullet points a lot during the latter seasons of What We Do in the Shadows, particularly whenever the characters would emphasise that vampires are meant to be secret (eg. when Nandor appeared on the news and they freaked out, or when Nadja yelled at Nandor for sponsoring a marathon during the Vampiric council stuff). They did at least fix all this in the final episode, with the vampires explaining that they've had many documentaries made about them and none of them have ever aired, which is the sort of absurdity that fits really well in the wwdits universe. Even so, this was a last minute addition and my experience of the show as a whole was (very slightly) marred by this dissonance.

On the third bullet point, this is possibly the most egregious because it often takes me out of the most emotional scenes. This especially goes for characters sneaking off to be alone. Sometimes we only see these moments from a distance, as the camera crew has to sneak an angle to catch the character unawares, which works a lot better. Sometimes, though, this goes out the window. Because I watched it yesterday, my mind goes to Janine leaving her School District party to be alone in her office, where there are two different close up angles from inside this very small room. It's not inconceivable that she'd still be able to experience this big moment without acknowledging that she's being filmed from very close up, but it doesn't feel entirely realistic, and there are plenty of similar moments throughout Abbott Elementary and other shows.

There are lots of other little things that can break the immersion - such as the (multiple) cameras already being in the flower classroom when Janine and Gregory have their first kiss, given that J&G think the place is locked and no one is meant to be there. So, the camera crew just ran ahead, got inside and waited, then Janine and Gregory break in and don't even acknowledge the fact that these people who've been filming them for however long are already in there? - but it would be impossible to name them all individually.

It works best for me when the cameras are acknowledged as part of the world. You want to make it so that these characters know they're being filmed? Use that! For example, when Janine and Gregory actually get together and have their second kiss, Gregory dismisses and shuts them out! It still felt weird to me that they started kissing when the cameras were right there, but I love that they chose to acknowledge that it would be forced and unnatural for these two characters to finally get together while a camera crew stared at and filmed them at close quarters.

Anyway, this isn't supposed to be a rant against any particular show's use of the mockumentary format (apologies to Abbott for being my main source of examples). It's more an observation of the way it's used (or misused) in general. If I could be bothered, I'd watch a bunch of shows and take notes every time something bothers me, but it's not that big of a deal. I can see why showrunners choose the mockumentary format, as it allows characters to express their thoughts directly to camera. This can be very valuable, especially since theatrical soliloqoys feel out of place in most standard TV shows. However, while I can suspend my disbelief to an extent, it does often take me out of the world and I'd love to see more care taken when figuring out how the fact that these characters are being filmed would affect the way they act.

[roachliquid]

H.P. Lovecraft's Hastur, the Lovecraftian God who Isn't: Part 1: The King in Yellow

(This post was made with the help of The King In Yellow wiki. For more information on the King in Yellow and the lore that surrounds them, they're a great place to start.)

Here's a fun fact about me: I really, really love the Sucker for Love games. These are deeply silly, deeply transformative games, based on dating characters from the Cthulhu Mythos in the form of anime girls. And my personal favorite, my waifu if you will, is Estir.

Estir is based on the character Hastur, and particularly the King in Yellow. She's a loud yellow goth, an unrepentant spoiled theater kid, and generally just a delight to play with. So of course she ignited my interest in Hastur - specifically, his incarnation as the King in Yellow.

So I did what any reasonable person would do: I went to the Lovecraft wiki, read up on the character, and started looking into the works where he's introduced and defined. And that's when I noticed something weird.

Hastur, in Lovecraft's original mythos, isn't a character at all.

In fact, the name is mentioned just once, and given no definition whatsoever. It's only meant as a clue to indicate that some people that Lovecraft is talking about are adherents to the King in Yellow.

With that in mind, I decided to look deeper into the subject, particularly the character's original literary origins. And what I found was, honestly, pretty damn interesting.

As many people already know, the name "Hastur" was introduced by the writer Ambrose Bierce, in his short story Haïta the Shepherd. In this story, the protagonist Haïta worships Hastur, who is simply a god of shepherds. Similarly, another story from the same collection gives us the name "Carcosa" - which, in its original incarnation, is nothing but an ancient city that fell for unknown reasons. The two concepts are in no way linked; the stories they feature in are dramatically different, and part of a large printed collection (two, actually, but this is the one I had on tap) of assorted ghost stories.

So how do we get from there to an Elder God? Well, that's an explanation that's going to take a while. So long, in fact, that this essay is going to be split into two parts: one covering the origins of the King in Yellow character, and the second detailing how he was adapted into a pseudo-Lovecraftian deity.

The first adaptation - as, once again, many readers will already know - was done by Robert W. Chambers, author of another short story collection titled The King in Yellow. Chambers, who was predominantly a romance writer, wrote this collection - specifically, the first four stories - as a brief foray into the horror genre. And the results are, surprisingly, incredible. The collection shows us stories from the lives of four different narrators, wherein characters - often romantically entangled, but not always - suffer some gruesome hardship or fate, haunted by the presence of a play called The King in Yellow. Throughout, he references terms introduced in Bierce's stories, including Hastur, Carcosa, and Hali, but his worldbuilding is very much his own.

At this point, it's necessary to explain in more detail the mythos Chambers built - both to introduce the topic to the unfamiliar, and to establish what the original details were before the addition of further influences. First, we'll be looking at the elements that are consistent or reoccurring throughout the stories: the King in Yellow (the play), the Stranger and the Pallid Mask, the city of Carcosa, and so on.

(Before I start, a disclaimer: None of these elements are fully described in Chambers' writing. The nature of the play and any element attached to it are deliberately left ambiguous, to cultivate the sense of mystery that pervades all of the stories. What they are, and what they mean, is largely left up to interpretation - but without that interpretation, they're nearly impossible to explain at all. With that in mind, some of what I'm going to say is informed my own subjective view.)

So the first, and probably best-known of these elements is the play, The King in Yellow. It occurs in the stories only in book form - its one and only performance having ended in disaster.

Details of the play are incredibly sparse. If you want to look at them piecemeal, I recommend browsing the relevant page on the King in Yellow wiki; for the sake of brevity, I will only be describing a bare-bones reconstruction, based on the sparse facts we are given and other context clues from the stories.

The play, most likely, takes place over two acts. The first act is described as "banal and innocent," and concerns a masquerade ball, most likely put on for nobles and/or royalty. During the second scene, as the masquerade is underway, a stranger arrives wearing a "pallid mask". At the end of the scene, all attendees are asked to removed their mask, and when the Stranger does not, he is confronted only to reveal that the "mask" is simply his face.

This is implied to be the end of the first act. As for the second, we're given even less information to work from. We know that nothing in it is technically offensive, but that somehow, its contents are disturbing enough to recontextualize the first act into something too horrible to stop thinking about. Based once again on context clues, it's probably that the characters die in some terrible tragedy, but even those details are never confirmed.

(One last note before we move on: A common belief, based approximately on some details mentioned in the stories, is that the second act is so horrid that reading it drives one "mad", i.e. pop culture insanity. However, this is never really established by the text itself; there is one character who has read the book and is indeed clinically delusional, but his condition appears to have stemmed from a traumatic brain injury, not the play's contents. It's mainly implied to be upsetting, in the same vein as any good Gothic fiction - the kind of thing that leaves you reeling for days.)

Now, while the mystery of what's actually in the play is intriguing, the truth is that it's barely relevant to the purpose it serves in Chamber's stories. The few details we are given serve more as context clues to understand the overarching narrative, bridging some of the gaps in the information each story brings to the table. This is crucial to helping us interpret these other details, because it's not just the description of the play that's vague - it's everything. Chambers was the king of "I ain't describing shit", in the very way that most people misattribute to Lovecraft.

So, as briefly as I can, I'm going to go over the other pertinent elements and the part they serve in the whole.

First, there's the other King in Yellow - the figure that the play is named for. Interestingly, while the play's storyline clearly centers around this character, it's never suggested that he appears in the play in person - as he certainly does not in any of the stories. Instead, he seems to be a specter that haunts these narratives - inexorable and terrifying, but never needing to manifest physically for his influence to be felt.

He is, however, preceded by certain symbols, ones which typically seem to "mark" the characters with certain and imminent doom. The first symbol is the book itself - anyone who reads it seems to succumb to some terrible tragedy, typically the imminent death of themselves and/or a loved one. The second is the Yellow Sign, which is used by the King's followers in the first story to mark themselves, but may appear on its own in the same kind of role as the book. And the last is the Stranger - a mysterious, pale-faced man who, in one story, is revealed to be a living corpse, and in two is shown stalking characters that the King has targeted.

Now, once again, I must reiterate that these details are ambiguous. It's never made clear whether these signs are curses that call the King to their position, or simple harbingers of a fate that's already on its way. In fact, one story assigns them no supernatural influence whatsoever - the entire spectacle seems to be no more than the delusions of one or two mentally unwell people. Even in sources where they do seem to have supernatural power, almost nothing is ever so clear that it couldn't be at least somewhat explained by coincidence, periods of heightened emotion, or other natural causes.

Which is fine. Whether these things are metaphysical or not isn't a meaningful question - in fact, I'd argue that the ambiguity itself is the point. It doesn't matter if you view the King in Yellow as a real figure, a figment of the imagination, or something else. The consequences, in every case, are the same.

Luckily, the other aspects of the lore are easier to cover. First of all there's Carcosa, the well-known city that the King is believed to rule over. It's a fantastical location, with spires so tall or a moon so low that the former sometimes stand behind the latter, a pair of suns, a number of "black stars" (possibly dead stars, AKA black holes) visible in the sky. In addition to these, some regular stars can be found in its sky: the Hyades cluster, Aldebaran, and two stars, Alar and Hastur, which appear to be purely fictitious.

Another important detail about Carcosa - so important, in fact, that the largest single excerpt from the play is about this topic alone - is that it's a dead city. No one lives there, or even knows where it is, apart from perhaps the stars themselves. Even the King does not seem to dwell there - the only clue we're given to his location, "where flap the tatters of the King," suggests that he dwells in the skies above the city.

One final, but relevant element I need to bring up is the prototypical "cult of Hastur" - which is, in its incarnation, naturally anything but. This concept comes from the very first story in the series, "The Repairer of Reputations", in which the mentally ill protagonist is being taken advantage of a second man who is either also delusional or a serious grifter, and has convinced the protagonist that he is the rightful heir to an ancient bloodline. He has been slowly convincing the protagonist that if they simply murder the right people, he can become the new king of America, all while amassing a seemingly large number of loyal followers through his job as a "repairer of reputations".

There's much that isn't clear here, but what is apparent is that this isn't much of a cult. There is one man whose delusions have been carefully cultivated, and a lot of other people who feel indebted to a guy who seemingly wiped their sordid pasts clean and are willing to do anything he asks, regardless of ethicality. They use the Yellow Sign to identify themselves, but what it means to most of these people is never made clear - the protagonist himself gives it immense importance, but much like every other symbol he views as grand and powerful, it never amounts to much more than a drawing.

So that is the mythos in its original form. Broadly, it paints the King in Yellow as an angel of Death, or even Death itself - a cosmic persistence predator who never fails to kill. He has no verified physical form, yet people seem to know what he looks like, and his signs are everywhere when he comes to claim his victims.

Yet this is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to understanding this mythos. There is so much symbolism to unpack in the story, and many different suggestions have been put forth about works that might have inspired Chambers, additional themes and meanings in the stories, and so on. If you want to know more about this topic, once again the wiki has some excellent suggestions and observations, although of course a huge amount of the topic is still based on educated guesswork.

But this is the gist of it, or at least, enough to set the stage for our next question: how on Earth has this lore ended up mangled so badly? And while I'll be saving that topic for its own post, I can leave you with a hint: His name is the same as Lovecraft's birth month, and he is one of the worst Lovecraft scholars in history.

[aparticularbandit]

Danganronpa Femslash February: Heroine

Summary: Himiko wants to know why Tsumugi wrote her the way she did.

for @danggirlronpa's Femslash February event!

Rating: T.

AO3

previous fic

“Why did you write me like this?”

Shuichi and Maki are out again, exploring the ruined world they’ve found themselves in, fooling themselves into believing that they will find anything helpful at all.  The colosseums Team Danganronpa build and use (and reuse, in most cases, just with new sets, new colors, new dressings) are far away from most of civilization.  This is, strictly speaking, necessary; not because they’re worried about any of their contestants getting out (as Shuichi, Maki, and Himiko have), but because they’re worried about the feral fans (like all of the above were before they were cast) getting in.  A fan with enough willpower and knowhow could break in and ruin an entire season; it’s happened before, and it led not just to the death of the fan, but an entire overhaul of the main storyline as the characters had to deal with all of that new information – a bit like that old movie The Truman Show, but less fun to play out in real time.

And unlike The Truman Show, which was a movie scripted to handle that reveal and everything that came after it, fans did not like that season.  In fact, it was the lowest rated season that Danganronpa has ever had, with the exception maybe of this latest one.  Not that Tsumugi has seen the ratings; they’ve learned that feeding their head writer ratings in the Game during the season and expecting her to rewrite on the fly to try and make the ratings go up actually causes the ratings to get worse.

Let the writer tell their story, don’t executive meddle or change things just because the fans guess elements of it, etc. etc.

Not the point.

(Well.  Kind of the point.)

Tsumugi looks up through her stringy, greasy blue hair and peers out through its strands.  It’s been a few days since the rain, which means she’s starting to stink again.  The others find ways to give themselves bathes or showers in some form or fashion, but they won’t let her free enough to bathe herself, and none of them want to clean her.  A part of her thinks they like the smell – not in the sense that they enjoy it, because honestly, who could enjoy something like this?  But the smell demeans her, and it further sets her apart from the rest of them.

Their fans probably think that they’re too noble to truly hurt her, but that’s not the case.  The only reason Maki hasn’t killed her is because Shuichi thinks they might be able to use her as a bargaining chip once they get to....  Well, wherever it is they think they’re going.  They don’t really have a name for their hope; they just have one, and they’re still trying to find it.

(They’ll find the ocean before they find anyone else here.  So much of how Danganronpa seasons are run is done remotely that there really isn’t anyone here for them to find.  By the time they reach where any of them might have been, they’ll have gone.  People are weak.  It’s likely they’ll also get sued by Team Danganronpa if they get involved before the facts of the situation are known.  Really, they shot themselves in their own foot by….

Again, not the point.)

Tsumugi wets her dry lips.  (They don’t give her a lot of water.  Enough to survive, barely.  But they don’t want to waste their precious resources on her, and she stinks, which makes getting close to her even more unappealing.  She’s not surprised, to be honest.  She’s more surprised they let her live.)  “Write you like…like what?”

“Like this.”

The sleeves of Himiko’s jacket are dirty and torn.  Her skirt has been replaced with a pair of pants; short skirts aren’t particularly good for wandering the wasteland.  They’d salvaged what they could from the wreckage of the Academy and given her what they could find of Kokichi’s white pants.  At first, she’d tried to wear the skirt over them, but she’d given up on that eventually.  The pants aren’t white anymore – they weren’t really when they’d been recovered, and they’re less so now – and Himiko’s hat….

That’s long gone.

“I just plain don’t understand, Himiko.”  Tsumugi wants to drop the plain act she’s been using, but there’s something familiar and comfortable in it.  The Tsumugi they were friends with, the Tsumugi they knew, instead of whatever they think of her now.  The role she was meant to play in the story.  It fits better.  “Can you—”

“Weak,” Himiko spits out.  She tugs the tattered edges of her sleeves into her fists.  “Tired all the time.  And you took my magic!”  Her lips purse together, and her gaze drops.  “I didn’t have magic, did I?”

Tsumugi chuckles.  If she had her hands, she would push up her glasses, but her hands are tied behind her back, and her glasses….  She only has them because they found it really hard to push her around when she couldn’t see where she was going.

“Don’t laugh at me!”  Himiko sniffles, and her voice grows quieter.  “Don’t…don’t laugh.”

“Oh, I’m not laughing at you, Himiko!”  Tsumugi glances up and meets Himiko’s eyes.  Red, to match her hair, just like Ryoko’s were.  She hadn’t done anything about that; Himiko came to her gift-wrapped that way.  (She could have changed her eye color and hair color, if she wanted, but she liked them as they were.  She always had liked Himiko.)  Her lips curve into an easy smile – not smug, not annoying, not frustrating – calm and serene.  Friendly, even.  “You had the most magic of anyone in the whole cast.”

Himiko glares at her.  “You’re lying.”

“No, I’m not!”

Tsumugi feels a bit like Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs, teaching Clarice about herself, although that’s a reference none of the three survivors would understand – either because they don’t know the movie exists in the first place or because they never wanted to see it if they did.  (Shuichi knows, but he doesn’t like mystery movies.  Maki doesn’t know because her training didn’t really allow for a break for movies, and unlike some television show assassin characters, she didn’t need to learn a new language from seeing Snow White over and over again.  Himiko also doesn’t know because she was always more into magical girl shows; SOTL just never came up.)

“Himiko,” Tsumugi says, “do you know what happens with the most magical characters?”  She waits a few seconds for an answer she knows isn’t coming and then continues, “They change.”

Himiko’s brow furrows.  “I don’t get it.”

“Viewers like to see themselves in their favorite characters,” Tsumugi continues.  “You started out weak.  You got wrapped up with a liar who wanted to control everyone, and you lost everything.  But when you lost, you took that as a chance to grow.  You found strength in yourself and determined to be stronger because of it.”  She smiles.  “Unlike some characters, you actually had a full arc, and you were rewarded by surviving to the end.”  She searches Himiko’s eyes.  “Weak just means you can become strong, and we get to see you do it!  Viewers root for a heroine like you, Himiko!”

Himiko seems to consider this.  “And that’s…that’s why I’m tired all the time?”

“Well, no.”  Tsumugi’s gaze drifts away.  “Whoever you were before was like that, too.  I incorporated it into your story as much as I could – needing to conserve mana made the most sense as an explanation – but I didn’t give you that one.  You came with that.”  Her brows raise, and she looks at Himiko again.  “You must be just plain exhausted now!  You should rest!”

“I’m supposed to keep an eye on you.”

Tsumugi chuckles again.  “I’m all tied up, Himiko.  Even if I wanted, I couldn’t go anywhere.”  A corner of her lips lifts.  “And trust me,” she murmurs, “I don’t want to go anywhere.”

This sequel is just getting started, after all, and she can’t wait to see where it’s headed.

…potential death notwithstanding.

[toxifoxx]

how would you describe william’s aesthetic?

before freddy’s, what were his interests as a kid (besides rabbits and robots obviously /silly)

did anyone find out he was trans without his knowledge? how did it impact his influence on others? maybe the kids’ perception of their father??

what are the ways does he stim? is he like a rabbit in terms of his mannerisms?

how likely is it that i could yap with him about rabbits? /silly

what kind of music does he like (do you have a playlist,,)?

what nicknames does he have for his kids (direct to each one && referring to them all)?

uhm umm … blinks . that’s all i got in me :3c

uhmmm good question! i've recieved one like this before actually and the answer was kind of uhhh i dont know. i know about four different aesthetics and none of them are particularly similar to what william has going on. and it also depends if you mean clothes-wise or… decor-wise? whatever 'deeply repressed homosexual father who used to be a theatre kid' looks like

i suppose drawing and reading! he loved sci-fi books in particular, which eventually end up being the reason why the sister location Looks Like That. and he likes drawing but never particularly becomes a professional at it, even into adulthood.

next questions got long so readmore

i think william tried to present himself as a boy in school but most kids caught onto the fact he was trans, adding another thing onto the pile of reasons to bully him for. perhaps its the reason why he had a violent outburst, leading to his parents also finding out he's trans through the school informing them. through college, most people aren't aware he's trans because he plays it off so well. even the people he's sleeping with (he insists the lights be off, and usually both him and his partner are drunk). i kinda imagine it like that one dude who had like multiple wives and they all didn't realize he was trans (i forgor his name :[…(NEVERMIND I FOUND IT IT WAS BILLY TIPTON)). as for his kids it seems likely they might find out. lizzie might have been too young to remember william being pregnant with evan and evan wouldn't have ever seen him as such, so most likely only michael knows. and he was probably taught that it was a normal, unremarkable thing that he should not bother to tell anyone about. another notable case would be medical staff with william giving birth + the springlock injury. i think clara and henry were very set on keeping things quiet there and ensured it didn't get out. actually sorry i went off the rails a bit i just realized this says wqithout his knowledge Ermmm just ignore the stuff he'd know about

YES. he does have rabbit mannerisms. i think he thumps his foot sometimes, jumps around a bit/binkies, i suppose sprawling out counts (motherfucker takes up the whole couch/desk just because he wants to be annoying). and as for stimminggg this one also counts for rabbit mannerisms but he likes chewing things i think. taps his fingers. used to do hand flapping but he essentially forced himself to stop doing it.

very likely. he loves rabbits and could talk about them for hours. and he would be quite excited for someone to share that passion i think! its not hard to prompt him into infodumping about them

i do Not have a playlist mostly because i have very few songs that are that old. however i do think he enjoys classic rock music. and i mentioned a few artists i think he might like before but id have to look for that ask. i think if it has a guitar he likes it

michael: mikey, mike elizabeth: lizzie, liz evan: doesn't really have a nickname all of them: i think he'd call them his baby bunnies in a joking manner. but also somewhat seriously. yaknow?

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK ^_^ this was very fun to answer yippee!!!!

[imagineanime2022]

It's A Promise

Asmodeus X FTM!Reader

Word Count: 772

Requested: @your-next-daydream @tiddyanon-official

Request: Hello darling!!! Me again! I have a bit of an odd request but I'll do my best to word it. May I have Asmodeus from obey me with an insecure reader? Here's the context. Reader plays otome games as well because it's fun, none of us can lie they are fun. And reader will see the characters they interact with and see how perfect they are compared to them and will just get in their head about how they don't look good at all. I do this unfortunately it's more of a bodily dysphoria with the fact that I am trans (ftm) and I also don't particularly like myself. But you don't have to write all of that. I also hope you aren't getting tired of obey me…the fandom has seem to found your page quite well. Anyway thank you for reading I hope you are doing well in your studies! <3 AND Obey me with a closeted FTM reader that looks like a masculine Lilith? And one day, they're hanging out with one of the brothers, and they accidentally call him "sister." And at first the brother's just upset because they're reminded of their youngest sister's passing, but then they're surprised as MC just bursts into sobs at the (ACCIDENTAL) misgendering.

Warning: Accidental Misgendering, Insecurity, Slight body dysphoria

You had been coming to terms with who you were and what you wanted for yourself before you were teleported to Devildom. The demons there helped somewhat because of the fact that there was very rarely a gender normal for them. You found yourself growing closer to Asmo for that very reason, you felt that he was less likely to judge you should he ever find out about your gender identity. Levi was the other brother that you had found yourself growing closer to due to your interest in otome games.

That being said you were still hiding your transgender status and with no support system things started to get the better of you, you’d often found yourself focusing on problems that others may not have even noticed and in most cases don’t notice. Like most things these observations mounted until you couldn’t ignore it when you walked past a mirror. You spent more time playing otome games which didn’t help as you found yourself comparing yourself to all of the characters and greater defining your problems.

Asmo became a welcome distraction as he would spend time talking and messing around with you but today wanted to play dress up and you were his doll and it started out well he complimented you and you thought that it was going to get better but then he stopped his hands resting on your shoulder “you look amazing… Like Lilith did, the perfect little sister.” He said. Asmo didn’t realise that you were upset by the sentence, only snapping out of his sadness when he felt tears on his hands. “Hey what’s wrong..? Hey.” He slowly moved your face so that you were looking at him. “Sorry.” You said softly and he shook his head. “What are you sorry for?” He asked. “You haven’t done anything.” “I know you didn’t mean it.” You informed him and now he really was confused and you could see it. “You're going to have to explain.” Asmo finally said and you looked at him and nodded, you knew that he was right there was no way that you were going to be able to get passed this without telling him what was going on. “I’ve never told anyone this, so you have to bear with me.” You said voice shaking with the nerves that you were feeling, he nodded relocating you both to the bed where it was more comfortable, you had taken to playing with his fingers as he waited patiently for you to talk. “Alright…” You took a deep breath “before I came here I was in the process of figuring out something about myself.” You informed him and he nodded along with what you were saying but you had a feeling he knew where it was going and you thanked him silently for still letting you say it “I’m Transgender from female to male so when you referred to me as the perfect sister earlier.” “I’m sorry, I never meant for that.” He said as he squeezed your hands in reassurance. “I know, you didn’t know, it was difficult for me to tell you all, you were all so happy with the way that you are, you know… All demons seemed comfortable in their own skin. I started comparing myself to characters in the games that I was playing and fell further into this self deprecating hole.” You explained, it was easy to talk to him, there was nothing about him that said that he was judging you. “You my love after perfect as you are now and will continue to be perfect if you change. Do you know why?” He asked, you frowned as you waited for him to continue hanging on to every soft spoken word. “Because it’s a choice you made to make yourself happy, I want to see you smile, I want to see you choose something because you want it.” “Asmo… Thank you.” You said softly. “Can I hug you?” He asked, your heart swelled at him seeking permission. “Yes.” You nodded and he pulled you into his lap wrapping his arms around you. “You come to me when you are ready, okay… we can go shopping, get you new clothes and we can tell the others, I’ll be right by your side no matter how long it takes or who you decide to be.” He said. “You promise?” You asked. “It’s a promise.” He said softly, tightening his hold on you and hoping that it conveyed how safe you were with him and that no matter what you’d look back and see that he was ready to catch you.

Request Here!!

[password-door-lock]

Mystictober Day 4-- Royal/Rebel

Maybe it's a weird way to think about a scruffy-looking stranger crashing into your apartment, boots first, through the window, but as far as you're concerned, your prince has come to rescue you. After all, Rika’s apartment may as well be an enchanted tower, and you may as well be an imprisoned royal heir straight out of a fairy tale, for the fact that you are stuck here alone. Anyway, the hacker isn’t really any more of a stranger than the members of the RFA , though he, at least, seems to want to get you out of here. That’s good enough for you.

Besides, you haven't been getting very much out of your guest coordination experience thus far— you feel a bit awkward talking to the RFA, so you've barely even used the messenger, only scrolling through the chat rooms once or twice a day to gather the contact information for potential guests. You're willing to send out invitations, but you have no interest in anything beyond a working relationship with the other members of the organization. Unfortunately for you, many of them strike you as being interested in something... more. You can't help but feel a bit trapped, waiting patiently to be rescued by the first person to get the better of the fire-breathing dragon— or, in this case, the bomb, but same difference— that guards you.

Well, here's your hero, then. He doesn't bother stepping over the shards of broken glass from the window he just tore through; instead, they crunch under the soles of his heavy boots as he crosses the room to reach you. "Stay where you are, okay?" His voice is smooth, even and measured, like he body-slams shatter-proof glass every day and has no reason to be at all shaken by the events of the past fifteen seconds. "You might hurt yourself if you step on glass."

He's got a point— you’re wearing no footwear more protective than a pair of fluffy slipper-socks. You bite your lip, nervous despite the relief you feel at the prospect of escape. You haven't so much as felt fresh air against your skin since the special security system was hacked three days ago, and the night breeze seeping through the gaping hole in the window is providing a very pleasant change of pace. "Who are you?" You already know, of course, but it's all that you can think of to say.

"I'm your knight in shining armor, prince(ss). I'm here to rescue you from your boring task," he cackles, making the threat that he poses abundantly clear. You would have to be a fool to actually go anywhere with this man, even if he seems more interesting than the members of the RFA. But, then again, you would also have to be a fool to break into a stranger’s apartment at the behest of a complete stranger, so perhaps your track record is working against you. "I thought you would have fun talking to those people, but you’ve barely even looked at the messenger. You must really hate it here— but I didn’t expect you to get bored of them so soon." He doesn't sound particularly apologetic. If anything, he sounds mildly amused by your refusal to be predictable, like you're a puzzle that he's looking forward to solving.

He's reached you by now; the hacker is close enough to see that you're shaking like a leaf. As much as you'd love to ask him why he thought you would cooperate in the first place, there are much more pressing matters to attend to at the moment. "Somebody from the RFA will be here soon," you inform him. You're sure of it— they won't let you get away so easily. One of them will come, convinced that you need to be rescued, without bothering to ask for your opinion. They may mean well, but none of them seem to have considered your feelings, being lured into a strange, demanding organization in the middle of a work week— not that the hacker is any different. He has yet to ask you if you want to leave with him, although you suppose you could have refused to even humor his request when he sent you to the apartment in the first place. It's clear to you that you're nothing more than a pawn to the hacker; he is using you as a means to whatever end he desires, the same way that V and his followers are using you as an excuse to host a party. That being said, you have no interest in watching a battle between the hacker and the RFA unfold. When push comes to shove, you’d rather make the decision for yourself.

The hacker, for his part, seems to agree with your assessment of the situation. "You're sharper than I thought," he decides, appraising you with glimmering eyes. "Do you already know what’s going to happen? If you’re so excited to leave this place, then you and I must be a little bit similar... I think we'll have fun together." He reaches out, and his meaning is clear— maybe he's only giving you the illusion of choice, but it's your call whether you'll stay loyal to the RFA or transfer your allegiance to him, at least for the time being.

"We should probably get going." You've made your choice. Anything is better than staying in this stuffy apartment, even jumping out the window with someone you just met. 

"Let's go, then, prince(ss)." The hacker smirks. This is all a game for him, but you don't care half as much as you probably should.

You could kiss him for how relieved you are to get out of Rika's apartment— to your surprise, he doesn't lead you to the window when you take his hand, but across the room to the door. He did say that he didn't want you stepping on glass— maybe he cares about your safety, or perhaps he only wants your loyalty. "Thanks for saving me." You give his hand a little squeeze in a vain attempt to demonstrate your gratitude.

"Of course." The hacker sounds amused as he walks you to the elevator. "You were already mine from the beginning, anyway."

"If you say so," you shrug. As far as you're concerned, anything is better than being trapped in this small suite, inviting strangers to a party about which you could not care less. It doesn't even occur to you that you might be trading one locked door for another, a picture window for a wall of glowing monitors.

[yourqueenb]

Out of all the mystery books on Choices, were there any that you found particularly fun and/or well written? I'm not sure if it's just me bcs it might be a matter of taste which is super subjective, but something about the way PB does mystery stuff feels kinda...lackluster? I'm not sure what exactly it is about their mystery books (like TUH and MAH), but while they're not necessarily terrible they usually don't feel super satisfying

It’s def not just you. Idk how many times I’ve talked about this, but PB can’t do mystery. I believe that 100%. Maybe in the very beginning they could because I remember enjoying Most Wanted. But I haven’t played it in forever. And all of their mystery books after that have been lackluster as you said. (And I do mean all of them, including VoS and CoP, which are fan favorites).

I think one of the issues is that they always feel the need to make us investigate whatever noble pursuit the person had along with their death. And they really play up the fact that the victim was basically a saint and loved by all. And it’s just like 9 times out of 10, I do not care. It gets annoying and old. One of the other issues is that they also always do the collectibles for clues and stuff. And it’s usually either that you need almost all of them to understand whodunnit, how, and why (see: TUH) or pretty much none of them because they’re actually just extra pieces of information that aren’t all that interesting (see: MaH). Of course the former is worse because paywalling plot/other important story aspects is flat out ridiculous. But the latter annoys me too because premium content should add something to the story, not just little factoids.

I think writing a mystery book is a balancing act. And we all know PB already struggles with balance outside of that. They don’t know how to set the stage, build intrigue, and stop throwing in red herrings to let the story come to a conclusion at the right time. Or if they do manage to build intrigue, they still can’t craft a proper twist that feels shocking but makes sense/is believable at the same time. So that’s why VoS had a good setting/all that suspense throughout, but fell flat in the end. And that’s also why MaH never really found it’s footing as a mystery to begin with imo.

Didn’t intend to write an essay, so last issue I’ll speak on is the fact that PB also rarely writes good villains/a good dynamic between the MC and the villain. I think what their mystery books are missing is the feeling that whatever we’re investigating is a puzzle that needs to be solved. And one of the ways they could create that is by writing both villains/antagonists and MCs who are actually intelligent and fun to go up against/play as! It’s usually that the villain is 10 steps ahead. And not because he/she is particularly crafty but because they dumb MC down to drag the story out for 16-20 chapters. CoP is an exception because MC was actually pretty smart, but we had the dumbass murderer and her even dumber minion. So I truly believe that if we had characters who didn’t just bumble their way through the story and were legitimately formidable adversaries to each other, we would have a lot more fun maneuvering around the obstacles/red herrings/etc. thrown at us and solving the mystery OR being surprised by the twist/resolution but able to pick up the breadcrumbs and connect the dots after it’s revealed

[wondereads]

Personal Review (05/01/23)

Dragonfall by L. R. Lam

Summary

Arcady is a thief, but they dream of joining Loc's academy and discovering the truth behind their grandfather's conviction and death. Everen is the last male dragon in a dying world destined to save his kind. One night, using an experimental spell, Arcady pulls Everen through the Veil separating their worlds, and they end up with a half-formed dragon-rider bond that hasn't existed for ages since the humans betrayed the dragons and banished them. Everen is tasked with killing Arcady and opening the Veil for the rest of the dragons, but Arcady is focused on a heist that could change their life for good.

Plot 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

This plot could be a little slow in places, but it was really interesting. Despite a lot of this book being dictated by an old prophecy, the one concerning Everen saving the dragons, a lot of it felt character-driven. I appreciated that a lot of the decisions felt pretty reasonable. Before they meet Everen, Arcady is already looking for a partner, someone to trust during their planned heist. The book takes place over two months, so none of the decisions or developing relationships feel particularly rushed. Everen is trained by Arcady for quite a while, and there was a natural progression from event to event.

The worldbuilding of this book was so much fun. Everen being about as foreign as one could get means a lot is explained to him about Loc and the surrounding world. There's a good amount of information about daily life in Loc and the political situation, and I really like the way Lam made gender work there, even if some of the explanations were a little clunky. I loved the way magic worked, draining energy and causing literal hunger. Repercussions for careless use of magic is immediate and visceral, turning people into Starvelings that attack mindlessly. Arcady's family's involvement in the history of Loc is also quite interesting; I have a feeling there will be some good reveals in that area.

Speaking of reveals, there are some in the last few chapters that really work. One of them in particular strikes a great balance between a little bit of foreshadowing that still took me by surprise. I think the ending of the book as a whole is very good. It wraps up nicely with the contained plot (the heist and the thing they're stealing), but there's still so much going on that it definitely makes you want to continue. As someone who struggles with read-one-book-of-a-series-and-never-pick-it-up-again syndrome, it was great.

Characters 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

The characters are so strong in this book. Arcady and Everen are likable protagonists, and their motivations are clear and easy to understand and root for. Despite the fact that they're on different sides of an ancient conflict (though Arcady doesn't really know that), they have surprisingly similar goals. They both want to get revenge for the people they care for—Arcady's family and the dragons—and that drives most of the plot.

Their bond situation is one of the best written ones I've read in a while. The bond forces them to spend time together since any injury to one of them affects the other, but it doesn't cause them to like each other or anything like that. Instead, Arcady and Everen spend a ton of time together over the course of multiple months, and their relationship builds slowly and realistically. One crucial part of the bond is that any skin-to-skin contact drains Everen's magic to Arcady, so they avoid touching as much as they can, which leads to them literally dancing around each other at some points. The tension between them is just so well done, and I was thoroughly invested.

As for the side characters, there are two major ones who regularly get their own POVs. Sorin, an assassin trained by a mysterious priest with a very complicated relationship to him, and Cassia, Everen's sister stuck back in the world of the dragons, Vere Celene. I found Sorin in particular very interesting since her verging-on-worship devotion makes me hesitant about the man she serves, Magnes, but I really can't get a read on him. Cassia was a great look into how things were going back in Vere Celene, but I do think her own personality isn't quite a fleshed out.

Of the other side characters, I want to mention the Marricks, an organization of thieves that Arcady has a contentious past with. Arcady's relationship to their leader, Larkin, was complicated to say the least, and I can't help but hope that they get an opportunity for reconciliation at some point.

Writing Style 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

I absolutely love how Lam worked with perspective in this book. First, the two main characters, Arcady and Everen, have their chapters in first person while any extra POVs, such as Sorin and Cassia, are in third person, which is a strategy I've seen used before. However, one unique trait was that in Everen's chapters, Arcady is referred to as 'you' instead of by their name or any third-person pronouns. First, it's a clever way to work with Arcady since they use any pronouns; even though most characters default to they/them for them (hence my use of it in this review), a true representation of their identity would be switching, which can get confusing for a reader. Second, it makes Everen's perspective much more intimate, hints towards the end of the book, and helps the reader connect to Arcady that much more.

As for the writing itself, it didn't blow me away or anything, but it was still great. Like I said before, the tension between Arcady and Everen is immaculate, and I also really like the descriptions of magic, especially the hunger that accompanies it.

Overall 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

I'm really glad I got an ARC of this book because I really enjoyed it! I particularly liked Arcady, Everen, and their relationship, but the plot is solid and interesting, and the writing does something new. The only downside to this is that it's going to be at least a year before the next book comes out. While there's some intense cliffhangers at the end of this book, I don't really know how the next one is going to go, and I am very curious. In the meantime, I do recommend this book, especially for anyone looking for a slow burn fantasy romance with a bit more substance to it. And dragons, which is a good enough reason alone to read any book.

The Author

L. R. Lam: British (expatriate American), 34, also wrote the Micah Grey series, Seven Devils, and Goldilocks

The Reviewer

My name is Wonderose; I try to post a review every week, and I do themed recommendations every once in a while. I take suggestions! Check out my about me post for more!

[talenlee]

The Floating Significance of Moses

When I say ‘hey, you know that Spanish guy who discovered America?’

And you go ‘Christopher Columbus?’

You know who I’m talking about. His name wasn’t Christopher Columbus. He also didn’t discover America. He wasn’t Spanish either! In fact, in that initialising event where I tried to get your attention to an individual I want to signify, literally none of the information I provided to locate him is true. You probably knew all three of those facts aren’t true – and those truths all lay at different levels of ‘um actually’ correction.

First of all, him being Spanish isn’t even vaguely true; he was an Italian who worked for the throne of Spain. Now, in this example, you might have even known he was Italian and figured that no, wait, he said Spanish, so my memory must not be reliable. You may even have known he was Italian and when I said Spanish assumed I was wrong, but just glossed over it because what I was asking was about that individual, not about any of the specific details.

You also probably know he didn’t discover America, because Amerigo Vespucci was there first. Or maybe you think Lief Eriksson was there first? Or maybe you’re already a step ahead of me and want to point out all the people who were there already, maybe even with some specific names like the Taino?

At birth from his Italian family, he was called Christoforo Colombo, and his name in Spanish was the far more fun Christobal Colon, which makes sense because he was quite a shit. And really, he wasn’t even ‘Italian’ because Italy didn’t exist yet!

But.

You know who I was talking about, right?

As these facts get knocked out underneath that signifier, you still knew the person I was talking about and why I brought him up.

And this is one of the problems when I talk about the mythical figures of Jesus and Moses.

I’ve said in the past that I’m a Jesus Mythicist, a term that’s become pretty fraught since I said it. Particularly, when I thought it was a pretty simple term with a clear meaning when I first started using it, it turns out that it’s got a whole range of meanings and I’ve had to be specific and clarify what I mean by it. I don’t subscribe to Richard Carrier’s theory of the entire Jesus cult appearing out of an entirely non-corporeal individual, and I don’t want to listen to Robert Price any more after hearing what he thinks of… well everyone who isn’t a white dude. What the fuck dude. Not that Carrier isn’t also a what the fuck dude, both of these guys seem to suck ass, but that’s a personal opinion and not actionable defamation.

But the thing is with my mythicism, I’ve said it’s that I don’t believe enough of the events in the New Testament attesting to what Jesus said or did to believe he existed. The counterpoint is that hey, there was definitely at least one apocalyptic preacher named [Jesus] in that period of history who got executed by the Romans. And note that [Jesus] in this case isn’t the word Jesus, but it’s the name of the guy that sometimes someone will translate to Joshua (which is as much a translation as Jesus is) and sometimes they’ll get all heroic on me and give it a Yeshua or whatever. Not important, not relevant. The thing is, this is a character who people can point to and like, mathematically, yeah, there absolutely is a guy with that name who died in that time in that way, it just seems so effortless and non-unique a thing. But that’s like, so what? You can get me to admit there was a dude with kinda that name in kinda that time and then that like, the majority of the stuff in the Bible about him didn’t happen, so what does that get you?  

And that’s enough for some people! “He was a real historical person” even if all the information we have about him is fundamentally suspect because it’s in a story that includes a zombie apocalypse and eclipse and also a dude coming back from the dead. The typical rejoinder is that all sorts of mythical information is held in other texts, and I don’t doubt (say) the existence of Alexander the Great. The comparison annoys me because the evidence of Alexander is a lot better, what with the multiple cities recording when he showed up and kicked their shit in.

But that’s what I mean when I say I’m a mythicist. I don’t believe there’s meaningful evidence that any of the things attributed to a real dude who really existed in the Bible. That’s not to say ‘I believe Jesus didn’t exist.’ It’s to say that the character Jesus as expressed by the name Jesus is, to me, functionally a fictional character.

But okay, this is just restating things you probably have heard from me before.

What about Moses?

See, the thing with Moses is that Moses is a little weirder. When I’m talking about Jesus, the commonality of that name is pretty comical, it’s like saying ‘was there a dude named David in my home city when I was born’ and yeah almost certainly. But Moses is a weirder thing because Moses, as a name, isn’t a Hebrew name. It is now, people name themselves after the historical figure, but in the time period, we don’t have records of other people with that name, or names like it in the similar text. Well, in Hebrew names. It’s actually pretty common to see the ‘mose’ term in Egyptian names. I’m being coy of course – it’s commonly accepted amongst Biblical scholars and Archaeologists that ‘Moses’ is actually more likely a name of Egyptian origin. Which gets even more interesting when you look at the archaeological history of Egypt and the historical territory of the Israelites.

Like, we can be very confident the Exodus didn’t happen. The numbers don’t add up, the impact on the environment doesn’t work, the distances are nonsense and oh yeah there’s all the magic in it that doesn’t happen. The Israelite language and cultural signs are all continuous with the surrounding areas, which is to say, the people the Bible considers as ‘Caananites’  (or Hittites  or Jebusites or Amalekites). There’s no challenging narrative here for me: The people of the community built up a backstory that justified their relationship to their god in their space and over time that story became the one we see and became entrenched enough to be recorded consistently and then Gutenberg does the printing press and we’re now bickering about the placement of commas.

But why does their backstory they invented for themselves include Egyptian oppression and a hero with an Egyptian name?

That’s interesting to me. That’s interesting because, if you view the Bible as a book made up of text written by people over time to achieve ends, then some of the stories start to make sense as patching things and addressing problems. Moses being a prince of Egypt (as it were) with his backstory about the death of the firstborn gives the story a lovely symmetry (God only killed all the firstborn of Egypt because, as it were, they started it). It also explains how a Jewish hero was raised in the Egyptian palace and had an Egyptian name. But also, why?

It reminds me of lines of continuity; at some point in the story, people were very sure about Moses being Moses, and they were very sure of him being an Egyptian Prince. There was someone with that name who was important, important enough to be the centrepiece of an entire story that just so happens to be about the Exodus.

And thus we come back to Christopher Columbus. Because when people make a fuss about ‘hey, there was a historical character of these people,’ so fucking what? Those historical personae were almost certainly wildly disconnected from what the book describing them and their actions are like. That there was some dude named Moses is interesting! But also, he definitely wasn’t the guy in the Bible. The thing in the Bible is made up of signifiers and he doesn’t care if there was a historical dude or not.

Jesus and Moses are both dudes who may have existed. But neither of the dudes that existed are the dudes that are depicted in their texts. Moses’ existence is interesting because I feel like you can see the seams in the text, you can see where stories got added or invented to address a problem and it’s a problem we don’t see. It’s more obvious in Jesus’ case, where this whole dude Barabbas was produced and Pontius Pilate said he’s not executing Jesus, please don’t put it out there on the internet that he was executing Jesus. Those things make some sense, with the aims you can tell of the competing sects around the story at the time.

But what about Moses?

It’s pretty easy to tell that there needed to be stories to justify various military conquests in the time. The Amalekites, for example, were basically considered an acceptable target because of their interference with the Exodus, which suggests that that part of the story was written so it was okay to attack the Amalekites at some point. Inventing stories about how terrible your neighbours are to justify murdering them was a whole thing, like you can see it even now where Christians say that the genocide of the Caananites with all the baby murder was good, actually, because the Caananites were so wicked that their infant babies deserved to be murdered. The story validates the moral position that justifies the action.

And we don’t know what the stories were, or what the stories changed to be, over time, as they took someone who was probably named Moses, and morphed them over time to explain things like why he had an Egyptian name, but was actually an Israelite, honest. After all, we wrote it down. Story says so. You wouldn’t doubt the story, would you?

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[talldarkandroguesome]

17th of Midyear, Loredas

We were somewhat delayed in our return. The bandits in this area are truly out of control!

And the fact that we were attacked by senche lions did NOT help matters!

We made it before nightfall, however. And we made it before Euraxia’s forces, which is the most important part. We actually made it back in time.

The town was on guard. I could hear people talking in low tones. The marketplace was empty, save for the blacksmith and tanner handing out weapons and armor to people.

I could see fortifications being made to help protect the town from being attacked from the sides. The river would help keep Euraxia’s forces from attacking on all sides, but it was not particularly well fortified beyond that. The stone buildings would stand up to foot soldiers or cavalry, but not to any sort of siege weapons. I knew she had some in Rimmen, but I did not know if she would have some brought to Riverhold or not.

I hurried to our meeting point and found The Speaker watching as Tharn was bent over a map on the table, writing something down. They both snapped to attention as the sound of my Houseguards’ armor clanked behind Nettle and I.

There was a sort of desperation in Tharn’s eyes, not of a sexual manner, not like I have sometimes seen before when he has carnal need of release, but something entirely unknown to me. Like there was a fear that this might not work out. A lack of the usual air of confidence that he exudes no matter how dire a situation. This was real fear that at that moment someone was going to tell them they were under attack before they had finished having a chance to mount their defense.

I suspect this, for as soon as I approached, the look diminished slightly. He told me that he had informed The Speaker and Khamira of the fallout from the parley and that forces were being mobilized into defensive position. Then he told me to tell him all that I found out.

There was a sinking in my stomach. For one, I had little good to share. Secondly, there was no snark to Tharn. No brutal accusations for the sake of poking fun. None of his need for exerting control or dominance he is so fond of. It was straight to business. Another first for me. Even taking on Molag Bal had not seen such a response.

I explained that they were at the Desert Winds Adeptorium to learn where Sir Cadwell’s body had been hidden. We discussed my conversations with the necromancer his sister employed and about this Betrayer business. Tharn mused that he had wondered about Sir Cadwell in life, given how powerful and strange he is in death. He also could not seem to rectify in his head that Sir Cadwell, mad but kind, was the same as this legendary brutalizer of old.

When we finished discussing that, he said we would concentrate on getting to the bottom of that as soon as we fought off Euraxia here.

I informed him about the Grand Adept’s passing and said that, while it was a huge blow to our cause and to Khajiit culture, making sure to express my sympathies with the necessary hand stand-in for the sadness tail movements, the one positive that came of it was that the survivors were galvanized to join our defense of the city in order to set right that death.

Tharn was brightened by the news, praising the martial abilities of the adepts, which I had myself witnessed in small part just days prior. And he asked if I were ready to defend the city.

I told him it was what I was hear for, along with being his valet and bodyguard, of course. The corner of his lip turned up and he told me that that was good. That I should see that myself, and those with me rested to recover our strength for the coming attack. He predicted it would be at least another day, perhaps two or three should we be lucky, before Euraxia’s forces arrived. He was basing it mostly off the troop movements that the Khajiiti Defense Force scouts had been sending along.

Then he pulled out a silk cloth bundle and told me that, although he did not have any use for Khajiiti gold, The Speaker continued to offer compensation for services. He held out the bundle and I took it, feeling the weight of the gift in my hand, wondering what other grand relic might be offered.

I looked at Tharn and he rolled his eyes and told me to open it up, and said sarcastically that if I made him wait any longer the battle might be upon us.

What I unwrapped was the most beautiful Khajiit dagger. It was thin, with a slight curve to the blade. The handle appeared to be ivory with gold inlay in the most intricate patterns. They bore the faces of the moons in different phases.

I opened my mouth to speak and Tharn cut me off saying that it was not much, but it was the best looking piece that the merchants in this small town had, so he had hoped it would be of use for the upcoming battle.

All I said was a thank you, stunned that this was not just handing off a relic he was given, but that he had actually gone to purchase me something instead of handing me the pouch of gold. And more than that, he had picked a weapon he knew me to use. He must have thought about what would best serve me. He could have grabbed any fancy sword, but of course, I always used only one. I had many daggers and knives, however, so he must have considered that in his decision.

Was it possible that Tharn actually had a heart under that grumpy Imperial mask he wore?

I wrapped the dagger back up and placed it into my bag. Then I thanked The Speaker and turned to leave. Tharn put a hand on my shoulder and asked if I could meet him after I had freshened up, for he had a private matter he wished to discuss with me prior to battle.

Of course I knew what that meant. As did all of my retinue. And I could only surmise that The Speaker had an idea as well, given the acute senses Khajiit have. 

That did not stop me from playing my role. We went to the rooms we had occupied before, still held in our names. I went and bathed.

To my surprise, I returned from my bath to find Tharn in my chambers. Typically he waited for me to come to him. I was unsure if I should be worried or not.

He had made himself at home upon my bed, boots up on the mattress as if he had not a care in the world.

I let my silk robe fall from my shoulders as I approached him, not minding how it gaped in places. I stood besides him and waited to hear what he wanted of me.

He looked up expectantly. He wanted me to be the one to go after him, to ask if I might put my lips to his service.

And that is what the House expected of me, too. And I would expect of me as well. And that whole thought bristled in me. I wanted to be defiant, even if just a little. To not be the predictable whore-noble of the House, even if it was just in the smallest way.

So I looked down at him and asked to what I owed the pleasure of an Imperial Chancellor making the effort to come all the way to my personal chambers.

He frowned, not having expected such a remark. I think a part of him wanted to say something back, but he also did not want to break his front of the man in control of everything. His hand started to reach out towards me, but he stopped and simply said my name in a tone of a disappointed teacher. 

I smiled, not pushing my luck any further, I still wanted to play my role. But I did enjoy the fact that I had found that point where Abnur Tharn was pushing up against his comfort level with letting someone see more of his true self. And a foreign noble was certainly not the person he wanted to let see such a thing, no matter how subservient I would be to him. He likely thought this was just a passing fancy to me, a game for the someone with too much time and too little chance to satisfy my “elven needs”. I know he gives into the stereotypes about my race. But I also was able to have him see that I was able to be more than that. That I could see that he was more than just what he pretended too. It clearly infuriated him. And that both pleased and aroused me.

Afterwards I was particularly obedient. He was initially rather rough with me, I had ruffled him. But as he grew closer to his need being met, he relaxed somewhat. He would come to times where he would remember himself and use humiliation, but I was only too eager for it and he would relax once again.

It was clear that he must have needed the release, for he fell asleep almost immediately after he was done. I watched him sleep. How much responsibility had he been carrying on his shoulders, justified or not? I could see the lines of age and worry in a way that were not usually there. And it made me wish to care for him. In a gentle sort of way.

I took out a bottle of sandalwood oil and began to massage his legs and feet. It was something we often did as a sign of respect for our elders, to show deference and care. It is something we do for the dying. Something we do for those recently passed. It is a very intimate thing for all Dunmer. Our legs support us through everything. Or feet carry us from one part of our life to the next. To show special care for those things is a great respect.

I finished by placing a kiss upon the tops of each foot and upon each knee.

When I glanced back up, Tharn was looking at me very peculiarly. He asked what I was doing. I told him it was something we did for our elders. I said it very cheekily, knowing that I was older than he and the usual scowl reappeared on his face.

I told him to sit up and I got a comb and he looked confused as he did so. I combed out his hair. Then I massaged his shoulders and arms and back. He was a labyrinth of tension. He said nothing as I working his muscles, however, only letting out a groan as I hit a sore spot or a low moan if it was a spot that felt particularly good.

When I finished, I simply got into bed besides him and laid down.

I could feel him staring at me, unsure what to make of this out of the ordinary behavior. And I knew that he was not likely to say much, what could he say if he wanted to keep up that very important Imperial veneer?

The bed shifted once. Twice. Thrice.

And then I felt him settle down at my back.

It was not long before I heard his breath even and knew hew as asleep again.

I slept with him besides me until it was close to dawn and he rose, without a word, waited to see if I was still asleep, and then kissed my cheek before he slipped softly out the door. I heard him whisper a word, but could not make out what it was.

I smiled once the door was shut. Under all of that, he had a soft spot. And I could not wait to use that to my advantage. Not for the House, not unless it was a dire need, but I knew that it would be useful for me and the Nest.

For my Prince I would take everything I could to use to my advantage.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

244 of 2023

Part 2 of that TMI thingy lol. This time kinda deeper.

PART 2:  LDS Sexual Experience and Attitudes--Engagement & Marriage

General Background (the same as usual lol)

What is your gender?

Male.

What is your current marital status?

Married.

What is your current status in the Church?

No, thanks.

What is your current age?

32.

Engagement

Was it difficult to control sexual urges with your fiance during your engagement?

No, it wasn’t. I’ve never been into such things.

During your engagement, did you engage in any of the following sexual activities with your fiance?

We had sex. We kissed. What else is there to say?

Did you discuss sex with your fiance during your engagement?

Yeah, quite much. He was always patient and understanding.

What preparations did you take and/or what guidance did you seek prior to marriage?

None. He was waiting until I was ready, and one day I felt I was. He was the right person to do it.

Do you feel you had sufficient information and were well-prepared for sex on your wedding day?

We had sex before getting married, and we didn’t get married anyway.

What advice would you give other engaged couples about preparing for sex?

Well, this is hella outdated. Less and less people save themselves for marriage. I respect their decision, but it doesn’t change the fact they’re kinda minority these days.

The Wedding Day (I wasn’t a virgin anymore when I got married, so I’m gonna talk about my first time with my ex, or maybe them both)

How ready were you to have sex after the ceremony?

We didn’t get married. With my husband, we had sex before marriage as well.

How soon were you able to get away to a hotel or bedroom to have sex after the ceremony?

Neither of us was in hurry. We knew each other before.

How easy was it for you to make the transition from "No sex" to "Sex is OK now"?

It was difficult and had nothing to do with chastity or whatever, it was hard because of past abuse. But Nielsje was very understanding, so when I finally felt ready, it was with the right person.

What were your feelings about engaging in sex for the first time after your marriage ceremony?

It was something normal, something we’ve done many times before. What’s the big deal?

What was included in foreplay your first time?

Neck kissing and lots of touching, but he was gentle and sensual. I know he was curious about my body, and this is why he wanted to get to know it better and that's why we were mostly touching each other and observing our reactions.

Were you anxious about being naked in front of your spouse?

No. With my husband, we’ve done it many times before and it’s just normal and natural. With Nielsje, it was the same, once I got over the shame over my body. And he did everything to make this easier for me. I know he really loved me, and this made me feel safe.

Did you keep the lights on or lights off your first time?

We did it during the day, it was bright.

For Men, what surprised you most about your wife, or for Women, by what was your husband most surprised?

We were both guys. He was surprised about my size, although not in a negative way, which has surprised me, because I low key expected to be ridiculed for how small I am lol. The second thing, something he was more shocked about, was the amount of my self-harm scars. He has seen these on my forearms before, but he was shocked to see more on my thighs and stomach. Another thing, how my bones stick out, I mean particularly collarbones and hip bones. And another thing, how wet I get, literally. And also how I shoot when I ejaculate, and about the amount of semen. Again, not in a negative way, it's like he was pleasantly surprised with reactions of my body, but shocked and kind of heartbroken about my scars. Still, it seems that he loved my body as much as he loved my soul. He was also kinda surprised that I was a virgin before, we were in our 20s then, but knowing my history of past sexual abuse, he never made fun of me. He's the most caring and understanding man you'd ever meet, really.

I was also kinda surprised that he was not all about sex, given his nationality and the stereotypes around it (he’s Dutch).

For Women, what surprised you most about your husband, or for Men, by what was your wife most surprised?

Neither of us was a woman, so not applicable. But I was surprised how patient he was, how he was paying attention to how I feel, and how he wasn’t forcing me to do anything I didn’t want. How he was waiting for me until I'm ready and never ever made a single complaint about it. And physically, that his 'equipment' is bigger than mine, but I could expect it, honestly. I'm on the lower end of average, I guess.

Was sex painful the first time for you or your spouse?

He only used his hands on me. He was very sensual and gentle. Neither of us actually went further, it wasn't really an intercourse because he's bigger than me and he didn't want to hurt me.

Was it difficult to achieve orgasm the first time?

No, it was very easy. He knew how to do it, I guess he touched me the way he likes to be touched, to figure things out. But I always react like that, it seems that my body is way more sexual than my mind. It's easy to make me hard, and it's easy to make me come.

For men, what did you do (or for women, what did you husband do) to facilitate your wife's orgasm on your wedding night?

Not applicable, we’re both guys.

For men, (or for women, your husband) how long were you able to go before ejaculation your first time?

Less than 3 minutes, I think. He could guess I had no real experience before. For him, it was longer.

What did you do immediately after sex the first time?

Snuggling. He was really lovely and caring.

What form of birth control did you use initially?

We never needed it, we’re of the same sex.

What one piece of advice would you give other newlyweds preparing for sex the first time?

Wait until you’re ready and don’t force yourself.

Married Sex

How long have you been married?

Almost one year.

For males, (or for women, your husband): Are you circumsized?

No, I’m not. And I’m happy for it because some parts of me are really sensitive, and maybe that's why I come so quickly and easily lol. My ex was always turned on by it. My husband doesn’t care either way.

On average, how frequently do you currently have have sex together?

About twice a month, I don’t fancy partnered sex, ever. Sometimes I do it just for him.

Are you satisfied with the amount of sex you get?

Still too much for me.

Who initiates sex more often in your marriage?

He does. I’m really passive when it comes to such things.

When do you initiate sex?

Basically never.

How do you typically send signals or initiate sex?

He makes innuendos. XD Then I know what he wants.

Who has the most "sex drive" in your marriage?

He does. My drive fluctuates, but I wouldn’t call it “sex drive” because I don’t like partnered sex, I strongly prefer doing things alone.

What form of birth control do you prefer?

We don’t need it.

If you opted for surgical sterilization, what method did you use?

We didn’t.

What typically constitutes foreplay for you?

Kissing and touching, but I don’t really like it when it lasts too long, it starts to get boring.

For males, (or for women, your husband): Under normal conditions, how much pre-cum do you typically produce?

A lot, I’m one of these guys who literally get wet lol. I’ve been always ashamed of it, but Nielsje has always found it hot, and sodoes my husband.

Do you typically use lube for foreplay or intercourse?

Given the reactions of my body, we don’t need that much of it. Only for anal intercourse.

What is your preferred type of lube?

Anything water-based, if ever.

For women, (or for men, your wife), do you typically orgasm through intercourse?

Neither of us is a woman.

For men, (or for women, your husband), How long are you able to last during intercourse before achieving orgasm?

It depends on how we do it. I’m basically never on top, and coming from an anal intercourse is an entirely different feeling.

For women, (or for men, your wife), What do you need in order to achieve orgasm?

Not applicable.

What is your preferred position for sexual intercourse?

“Leave me alone so I can sleep”.

What is your least favorite position for sexual intercourse?

All of them lol.

Do you engage in oral sex?

I do, but only as giving side, as I don’t like receiving. It feels too overwhelming, almost painful, and I try to avoid it at any cost. For giving, I only do it because he likes it, there's no other reason.

For women, (or for men, your wife):  Do you swallow?

I don’t even know how to answer this question because this whole survey excludes non-heterosexual couples. I don’t, he doesn’t. That’s it. I refuse to take it without rubber, really.

For men, (or for women, your husband):  Do you wish she would swallow?

He’s not a woman.

Do you, or have you ever engaged in anal sex?

Yes, but I’m always a bottom. I prefer this because I can peacefully zone out.

What do you do during menstruation?

Neither of us menstruates lol.

For men (or for women, your husband): Do you groom your body hair?

I only shave my face and other *certain* parts, the rest stays untouched.

For women (or for men, your wife): Do you groom your body hair?

Not applicable. He’s doing the same as me.

For men and women, why do you groom your body hair?

Because it feels better down there, and my facial hair is not impressive enough to grow a beard.

Have you ever, or do you occasionally use sex toys/clothes together?

Why are sex toys put together with clothes? I don’t like being fully naked. Nielsje doesn’t either, but my husband does. He’s into toys, though, but I am not.

Have you ever been caught having sex?

No, never.

What kind of language/sex talk do you use during sex?

Who makes more noise during sex?

I tend to laugh, but we’re generally pretty quiet. Sometimes I make a little moan when I'm coming, but not always.

He does, I’m silent.

What is the riskiest place where you've had sex? (i.e. potential to be caught)

Our car.

What do you do with garments during sex?

With Nielsje, we always kept our clothes on because we both preferred it this way. With my husband, it’s different. e takes clothes off me and himself.

Do you or your spouse encourage each other to read or watch erotic literature/media?

My husband does, but I don’t feel like doing it.

Have you deliberately looked at pornography during your marriage?

No, I find porn boring.

Have you masturbated during your marriage?

A lot. I prefer touching myself than being touched by another person.

How does your spouse feel about your masturbation in your marriage?

He knows I do it, even though we don’t really talk about it. He even encourages me to do it so I can explore my own body.

For what reasons do you or your spouse masturbate in your marriage?

Do you and your spouse discuss your sexual fantasies?

I’m asexual, that’s it. There are aces with higher drive and I'm apparently one of them, so I prefer touching myself than being touched by others. I don't feel sexually attracted to my husband, but I love him in many other ways. And we have sex only for his sole benefit.

He does, but I’m so boring that I don’t really have fantasies.

Do you and your spouse ever act out your sexual fantasies?

He always tries, I don’t.

What kinds of sexual fantasies have you entertained? (But not necessarily acted on)

Genital piercings lol. And nipple piercings. He finds it hot, I find it gross. He's trying to convince me to get one, but I find the idea repulsive. I don't want to do anything that would make me hate myself even more.

Have you or your spouse experienced any kind of sexual dysfunction throughout your marriage?

What is the biggest deterrent to having more/better sex in your marriage?

Does lack of interest in partnered sexual activities count as dysfunction? I don’t feel so. It's an orientation, or lack thereof.

Me not being interested in it.

For women (or for men, your wife):  Have you ever ejaculated?

Have either of you cultivated the ability to have multiple orgasms?

I’m not a woman. Neither is he.

I used to be able to have two without that refraction period, when I was younger. My record was three and it happened only once. Now I’m unable to come more than once without that refraction period, but I’m not a teenager anymore, maybe that’s why. My husband can sometimes, and he’s 51. Nielsje couldn’t either, and he’s exactly the same age as me.

What one thing would you like to try/implement to spice things up?

None, I’m a really boring dude.

What advice would you give to other couples to keep sex exciting?

Do whatever you fancy.

Teaching Kids (we don’t have kids, so skipping this)

Have you talked to your kids about sex?

What initiated the talk?

How did your child respond to your talk?

Have you caught a child masturbating and what did you do about it?

Are you open about talking about sex with your kids?

What have you done to cultivate open and honest discussions with your children about sex?

Lol I can almost imagine someone jerking off while creating these questions. So much detail XD but I don't think they'd be jerking off if they see the responses of a gay dude lol XD

[mongen]

I’m 8 episodes into Hazbin Hotel

That is to say I finished season 1

It’s good.

From a top-down perspective, I always love to see animated series aimed at adults that aren’t just another clone of The Simpsons or Rick and Morty. This obviously isn’t the first (not by a long shot) but it’s definitely one of the first I’ve seen pick up this much traction with the casual viewing audience.

As I mentioned in my original post, there are a lot of really good changes from the pilot that help realize this concept in a way that feels like a better execution of the core concept.

The concept itself is nothing particularly new, but it will always be interesting to me from a philosophical perspective. The specific blend of The Good Place season 4 and This is The End that Hazbin Hotel employs is fun and interesting, and set up some good questions for season 2 (assuming we get one). I appreciate that the show never gives the characters a checklist of things they must do to prove they’ve become better people, and when someone attempts to make such a list, it’s a joke.

I love and appreciate the musical numbers,

even if the cramped pacing didn’t allow a lot of them to have the impact they should’ve had. In a perfect world, each song would’ve been the culmination of a single episode and there would have been enough room for some slice of life shenanigans. Unfortunately, the entertainment industry is a toxic wasteland, inhospitable to creative and original ideas, so the crew was told to cram all their ideas into 8 episodes. Not to say A24 and Amazon are solely to blame. If a writer is given 200 minutes to tell a story and chooses to still write 500 minutes of content for it, that’s on the writer, but there’s a push and pull there. From this point on, anytime I mention a character or idea being underdeveloped, it comes with the caveat that I know the creators were under time constraints they chose to partially ignore for the sake of their story and worldbuilding.

I will also say that both songs in episode 7 (out for love and ready for anything) didn’t sit right with me. The call-and-response with a chorus of cannibals is fun, but felt poorly set up, and the song about fighting well for the sake of love felt unearned because Vaggy was already doing what she was doing for love and Carmilla is a woefully underdeveloped character.

Lucifer and Alastair’s rivalry is well communicated visually, but the song lurches into motion from a standstill, which gave me musical whiplash, not unlike Poison, which also suffered from “we didn’t know how to organically lead into this so we’re just suddenly in a music video” syndrome. Both these songs - and in fact most songs in the series, especially Respectless - do a fantastic job of communicating a lot of information in a short amount of time without feeling bloated. Poison is a very dramatic look into Angel Dust, a focal character who previously lacked focus and sadly didn’t get the attention he deserved after the trial scene. Hell’s Greatest Dad plays up all three characters’ insecurities and motivations in both subtle and bombastic style that I love. I just wish Mimzy’s bit wasn’t in the album version, as she makes the song really annoying to listen to on its own, a problem none of the other songs have.

My personal favorite songs are Respectless and Loser, the latter of which is a beautiful use of Keith David’s powerful singing voice and is a great subversion of a tired musical trope of a character being at their lowest point and being told they’re actually doing fine. It does something I’ve seen more and more of lately by telling the characters (and audience) that misery loves company, and complaining about the shit you have to deal with can be cathartic with the right friend(s).

All these competing forces (good lyricism and instrumentation, solid vocals, underdeveloped plots and characters, poorly paced song lead-ups) culminate in one song, though: You Didn’t Know. It’s a beautiful song with a powerful theme and a dynamic tempo. The visuals are strong, from the reflection of hellfire in Sera’s eyes to Adam and Lute being seen from a low angle to the visual parallel between Charlie and Em - but this is where the pacing issue collides with the visual and musical quality. Em is nobody. At most she’s a fangirl with implied cosmic power, and her taking Charlie’s side seems to be due more to her naïveté than to a strong moral backbone. This weakens the impact of the otherwise bone-chilling line “if hell is forever, then heaven is a lie” and dampens the impact of the scene as a whole.

And sadly, that’s the state of the music as a whole, it’s really solid and well executed but ultimately undercut by the story being too much content for the given amount of time.

I wish we got to see more of the six month interim

At the very start of the series, we get a countdown clock, and then each episode skips huge amounts of time and development. It’s like trying to watch Avatar The Last Airbender but only watching the first, tenth, and last episode of each season. You miss all the hard work that it takes to improve oneself. There’s hints at it - the big moments, the revelations, the confrontation between a character’s new ideas about how they should be and how they used to be - but these big events are only made possible by the smaller moments we don’t get to see.

Sir Pentious’s development being marked by his ability to admit his feelings for Cheri Bomb is silly, and pays off well, but I want to see more of how he processed those ideas on his own.

Alastor’s machinations are hinted at very overtly but sadly don’t go far enough in this season to be properly interesting. They’re more like a character quirk than a functional part of the story, and it was weird getting nods to him using Charlie’s power for his own ends and making an ambiguous deal with her in the finale but not doing anything with it. On that note, if I hadn’t seen the pilot five years ago, i doubt the handshake scene would’ve had even half the impact it did. The function of deals within the context of this hell isn’t fully realized in Hazbin Hotel, which is a shame, because it means the audience is left to draw their own significance dependent on their knowledge of other mythology. Faustian bargains aren’t nearly as culturally ubiquitous as the broad concept of punitive afterlife, a concept that the show went to great pains to describe in its somewhat clunky opening exposition.

I want more Cheri Bomb. That’s it, that’s this whole paragraph.

The Vees are the best introduced characters in the series. It’s succinct, it’s easy to tell who and what they are within frames of seeing them, they’re not dynamic enough to need any more explanation than they get, but for all that solid introduction, they really don’t do much between episode 4 and the finale. They’re major players in the political landscape of the setting, but they drop out of the story until they’re neared as reaction machines in the final fight. Alastor puts Vox in his place within 10 minutes of them coming into conflict. Val makes Angel Dust’s life hard, which helps propel several of his big character development moments, but he’s just another bad boss character once he leaves frame after Poison. He loses a lot if his impact as an abuser character when Angel Dust talks about his job the same way an office worker talks about their overly demanding manager. Velvette has powerful stage presence but ultimately doesn’t do much to serve her own motivations. Instead, she answers a key question raised at the start of the show and fleshes out the Vees’ stance in relation to the more traditional Overlord hierarchy, but I have no idea what she wants.

Nifty sucks now. Not really. I still like her, but she’s just a “haha so crazy” character, rather than the more subdued and secretly sinister character she was in the pilot. I love that she got the last laugh in the finale with her Chekov’s knife, but it would’ve been more fun and interesting if she hadn’t been acting like that for 100% of her on-screen appearances.

I like Husker. He’s the most subdued character in the series. I still think he’s the most over-designed (only slightly edging out Alastor for the title) but I stopped caring about that about halfway through season one of Helluva Boss. His development and charm are subtle, and the overt difference in his behavior when Alastor pulls rank is fascinating. Unlike everybody else, he gets exactly enough screen time to get his character across and to see the challenges to his assumptions imposed by the rest of the cast. Keith David was also a perfect casting choice. I can’t get over hearing Doctor Facilier sing the phrase “You’re a power bottom at rock bottom.”

Charlie and Vaggie see the least development, understandable as they’re the paragon characters, but less understandable is the issue that their relationship feels underrepresented and understated. I just want to see them being happy together more, rather than mostly being presented as business partners with aligned goals who call each other babe (until the reprise of More Than Anything, of course).

All in all, the show has a LOT of content for all these characters across a long period of in-world time crammed into not a lot of episodes, and it mostly damages the ultimate theme of the series in having so much stuff happening all at once. I’m not sure if a story with this many moving parts could ever properly fit into only 8 episodes, though.

Things I’m glad they removed since the pilot and things I wish they’d removed more of

The Johnny-Test-esque overuse of expressive foley was the single worst addition to the pilot. I’m glad they didn’t use those in the final product.

The over-use of “fuck” is still present, and it comes across as forced in places, but it’s nowhere near as incessant as in the pilot or Helluva Boss. I get that the writers were edgy young millennials on Deviant Art in the 2000s, but just because I understand why a writing decision was made doesn’t mean I have to like it. Im not against the use of fuck, shit, damn, etc - I swear like an imagineer and I write like a terminally online nerd - but at a point it’s excessive. Judicious use of curses is just as important as careful use of any aspect of language.

The squash-and-stretch over-animation of faces in the pilot always bugged me. I kept hearing people say “oh the animation is so good! See how much everybody moves” and I just don’t see it that way. Quantity is not quality. Having a lot of animation isn’t the same as having good animation, just like having a lot of worldbuilding isn’t the same as good worldbuilding (looking at you, JKR). I appreciate the way the motion was toned down for the full production. It looks cleaner, more organized, less needlessly chaotic. It also means when powerful characters start distorting their form, it has more impact, which I like a lot. Alastor is a lot more intense now because he’s not constantly blobbing around like a Gumby character.

A correction/addendum for my original post

I appreciate the use of Adam as a stand-in for a patriarchal status quo, and his use as the head of the inquisitors makes more sense with the context that a majority of heaven’s residents are not aware of the annual exterminations.

I’m 3 episodes into Hazbin Hotel

It’s a lot better than I was expecting, but I have some criticisms:

1. The cast needs to stop acting like Angel is disgusting for being into what he’s into. Literally everybody they come across seems to comment on how gross they think it is, and it kind of clashes with how popular he supposedly is.

2. The songs need more breathing room. There’s 0.2 second of lead-in to some of them. I get that the snappy, overly energetic animation and editing is a rollover from the pilot, but it’s strangling the songs and preventing them from having the gravity they should have.

3. The plot progression feels like a list of bullet points. I’m not going to spoil it, but there’s a major mystery brought up in episode 1 that is answered in episode 3 very unceremoniously and with very little time for the mystery to stew. There’s potentially a very interesting intrigue plot going on, but it’s impact is damped by the fact that it’s delivered very matter-of-fairly by a bunch of supposedly very powerful characters who we haven’t seen before.

4. The spider dude who speaks in pseudo-Shakespearian English is very difficult to understand, and I couldn’t catch his many any of the three or so times it was said because I was trying to process the last thing he’d said. A lot of characters’ voice lines are mixed strangely, but his prose makes it almost impossible.

5. The animation and character designs are much better than in the pilot, but some of the steps they took to simplify the visuals backfired a bit. They cut back on the excess detail and over-animating just enough to make the style still distinctive, but ended up with some 3/4 perspectives that look real wonky. There are also a few shots where characters are forced into a perspective view and it shows.

6. Adam shouldn’t be the leader of the angels. Based on my (limited) knowledge of the worldbuilding, it’s based on 14th century occult appropriation of Jewish spiritual myths like Goetia (as described in the Lesser Key of Solomon) and concepts like the seven deadly sins, so by that token, the leader of the army of angels should be the angels whose name literally means “The Sword of God”: Gabriel. They could also have used the angels of death, Justice, light, or any number of other aspects. I get that they’re not being super strictly literal to those old times (and that’s for the best, Crowley, Aleister, and co were foundational to many modern antisemitic conspiracy theories), but Adam is a weird choice a leader of armies.

All that to say, I’m really excited to watch the rest of the series, but I’m not going to keep my expectations somewhat low.