#and no ‘it’s complicated’ option because yes. it is so complicated

[nerd-at-sea5]

are u pro palestine... we have the same interests but i dnt want to follow u if ur weird

honestly this blog is for silly little thoughts about lesbians and such and the occasional personal story or opinion but it’s about time i got one of these. so buckle up long post ahead and it’s not gonna be a cut and paste yes/no answer bc yeah. just read the thing

first of all: im jewish. raised jewish and will forever be jewish. i'm proud of it. i'm not super religious and don't really believe in god but that doesn't mean i'm any less jewish.

second: i believe in a 2 state solution. i don't like terrorists. i think hamas needs to be held accountable for the murders and horrors they've committed, because frankly i think they're a bunch of monsters and terrible people. i don't agree with a lot of the stuff that netanyahu does either because that stuff is also not ok. but overall: fuck hamas.

that being said, i believe that israel has the right to exist. i believe that the jews deserve a homeland where we can be safe. i believe that a 2 state solution is the safest and smartest option. but i will also say that as the correct and historically accurate definition of zionism is to believe in the movement and protection of the jewish state - i am a zionist and i am not going to shy away from what i believe in.

i am aware that people will not like this about me, and i am aware they will try to tell me things about myself that are not true. so i am going to set the record straight and go back to posting about my silly little tv shows.

israel has a right to exist and to defend itsself

hamas are terrorists and should not be in power

i am in favor of a 2 state solution

the people of gaza don't deserve to live in horrible conditions because of the terrorists in power

jews and israeli's don't deserve the hate and abuse that they're experiencing because of people who don't know how to fact check

the hostages should be home. this is non-negotiable, they should be home.

and again - im aware that this isn't the yes/no answer you want, but i can't give that to you because its much more complicated than that.

lastly, if you want to unfollow me for any of these things please go ahead, i don't care. i implore you to fact check yourself before sending hate and threats to people online or in real life (or assaulting/hurting people, seriously just don’t do that.)

if you pick and choose who to engage with online due to political opinions that's up to you, but a difference in opinions isnt 'weird' its just human.

[doubledareya]

okay working within the canon narrative of the series and considering the tragedy-like ending of supernatural

[maintitle]

I greatly respect those that have already made fanart and backstories for their Rook, but also fear what happens for them if they find out in the character creator what they made beforehand isn't a possibility.

[pusangkambing]

I love my stardew valley wife so so much and i would never ever divorce or betray but also i am a curious person, and i want to see all the heart events goddamnit I DONT WANT TO DATE ANYONE ELSE BUT I JUST WANNA SEE LET PLEASE ME IN

[sweetmodel]

How I became a master shifter (+ why methods aren't working for you)

Hello! I’ve been seeing a lot of disinformation lately, and I’ve noticed that some people might need help, so I wanted to chime in. I can shift whenever I want, and I see a LOT of limiting beliefs—but I understand because I was once on the other side.

Disclaimer: This is all based on my personal experience with how I became a master shifter. You’ll want to read everything—it’s important.

I first shifted around March 2022. I would always use methods. I would affirm, tell myself I was detached from this reality, and so on. During my very first shift, I literally affirmed all night long (if this sounds familiar, it’s because I used to have another blog here, lol). You know, really complicated stuff. Then... things changed. I couldn’t shift anymore. I kept using the same methods, but they didn’t work!

That’s when I started questioning everything about shifting and consciousness. Why was it that I could be in another reality where things like magic exist, but then suddenly I couldn’t shift anymore? Why were the methods, like lucid dreaming or the void, seemingly more powerful than the act of switching realities itself? Why, when I shifted from my Desired Reality to my Current Reality, all I needed to do think of my CR to shift back—but it didn’t work the other way around?

None of it made sense! And I’m sure many others have asked themselves these same questions.

I came up with two theories:

This reality has something unique compared to the infinite other realities. To shift from here, you need something extra, like a method.

There’s something else at play, something unrelated to the realities themselves.

I dismissed the first option. There’s nothing inherently special about this reality. So why do we use methods here but not in our DRs?

Then, I thought back to how I used to shift... detaching from my body, affirming until I shifted. It all aligned with my subconscious beliefs. The method didn’t work because that’s how shifting works, but because it made sense to my subconscious. Of course I would shift if I did these things—because that’s what I believed shifting required.

Well... kind of. As I said, it made sense because it aligned with my beliefs. So when the method failed, I wasn’t letting myself shift.

Did you catch that? I didn’t let myself shift. Of course, it wasn’t the method. At what point do you actually shift? Is it when you affirm? Do you really think the universe is just waiting for you to say the right thing enough times before it switches you to your DR?

No. It’s you.

So, you have two choices:

Find a method that truly aligns with your beliefs, or

Change your subconscious beliefs.

Changing your beliefs might seem hard, but I’m going to explain why it’s not as difficult as it feels.

All your life, you’ve had certain beliefs, but those beliefs came from somewhere. You weren’t born thinking you need methods to shift—it’s something that developed over time. Which means it’s not set in stone. It can be changed.

I realized that every reality holds the same weight. There’s NOTHING you can do in this one—no intrusive thoughts or negative emotions—that can stop you. Why? Because those thoughts and emotions are products of this reality. Shifting is simply changing what you’re aware of. That’s literally it. Anything outside of that can’t stop you.

Yes, we’ve all seen those posts saying things like, "Oh, you’re not focused enough" or "You spend too much time on X, Y, Z" or even "You don’t go outside enough" (I legit read this on here—y'all are wildin’). Are you in your DR thinking "Oh, I thought about failing to shift, it means I won't :("? Of course you aren't! But nothing can stop you from shifting. Nothing can stop you from being aware that you are a master shifter.

So, how do you become aware of that?

I started affirming throughout the day. I would tell myself these things:

I’m pure consciousness. I create my reality, and everything around me is just what I choose to perceive.

I’m a master shifter. I don’t need methods. All I need to do is choose to shift, think of my DR, and it happens.

Nothing in the 3D can stop me from shifting, because I’m in the 4D and pure consciousness.

I told myself these things constantly, and I truly understood what I was affirming. What being pure consciousness and being a master shifter actually meant. I stopped using methods. I stopped acting like this reality was special compared to the ones I wanted to be in. And then... it happened.

I shifted. During the day. I simply thought of my DR, told myself, I want to shift, and there I was—in my DR. It happened because, as I said, my subconscious beliefs changed and then manifested in my reality. The same way they did when I believed I needed methods.

Naturally, I stopped using methods. I stopped trying to shift. I no longer thought, Okay, tonight I’m going to shift, and I'm going to use X method. Because that’s not how you think or act when you’re a master shifter. I let go—why would I bother using a method before sleeping when I could just stand up, think about my DR, and be there? Why would I bother doing a method before falling asleep when I knew I'm a master shifter?

I allowed myself to shift. It was me! When people ask, What method did you use? What did you do to shift?—do you really, truly believe it’s the method that makes you shift? Of course you do, because you live in a reality that seems logical, and you apply that logic to shifting. But shifting isn’t logical! It just happens! I have no idea why—it’s literally just magic to me—but that’s how it works.

So, you need to understand: You make it happen. That’s a good thing, right? It means you don’t need methods, and you don’t need to keep searching for “the key.”

Anyway, I hope this helps someone. (Also yes, before you tell me, I know this is basically Law Of Assumption. But I wanted to explain it in more of shifting terms)

(Also if someone wants to post this to another social you have my permission- especially reddit since I was active in that community but I deleted my acc lol)

Edit: Hey guys there are some additional notes in the comments that might be useful!

[yuri-is-online]

I'm curious about the first years' reaction to why can't I be your spouse.

I think it'd be hilarious

part one/part 2

A ha yes, hilarious. I am so sorry.

"Why couldn't I be your spouse?"

Ace is struck mute. The blush starts at the tips of his ears, spreads across his face, and down across his neck. Because you don't want him. That's the reason right? He's your best friend. You're his. That's your dynamic. It keeps you both safe from any complications or unnecessary feelings but god if you're just going to look up at him and bat your eyes trying to hold back tears at the thought of not being his? "Jeez, we're still in school you know? Ask again later." You won't get a chance to do that, Ace wants to be the one to ask. You deserve that much from him with how much he teases you, or so he says.

There are two ways I can see this question going with Deuce. He's oblivious to the nature of his own feelings: "Because you are meant to get married to someone you love?" He's overwhelmed with distress when you start to cry at his words, but he doesn't understand the source of the pain. Love is a heavy word, and sure he does love you, your best buds! But marriage is extremely serious and sure he's had dreams about you guys living together and stuff like that but he's sure that's just a friendship thing. Not that he ever dreams about doing that with Ace...

If he does know he's in love with you that little question will make Deuce start panicking because of how expensive weddings are. He will be very happy for you to be his spouse, just give him some time please <3

"Because you're not staying." Jack has accepted you are the one he's been waiting for, but he's never verbalized it until now. He's a bit disappointed if he's honest, not with who you are but with the circumstances under which you've met. He modeled his dreams of what his spouse would be like off of his parents and grandparents, he would love you and you would love him. You would be together forever and build a little life together. But you are from a different world and will have to go home some day, he doesn't get to keep you and he doesn't have the option of getting over you. His only option is to deny that he wants you as his spouse until his soul prevents him from doing it anymore, no matter how happy hearing you ask to be his make him feel.

Epel is happy to hear you say that, but it's a bittersweet happiness. Epel wants you to be saying that because you think he's cool. Because you think of him as a manly man who you can rely on to provide for you and keep you safe from all of the monsters you've faced so far. But he knows you pretty well at this point, he doesn't think that you rely on him because you think he's cool. Maybe that's a goods thing though, you've never been judgemental of who he is even if the words you use to describe him aren't the exact ones he wants just yet. That doesn't mean "spouse" isn't how he wants to describe you, and he's not shy of letting you know that. Just this once.

Sebek doesn't answer at first. He doesn't yell either, nor does there appear to be a gathering storm on his face. He looks despondent, not the look you would want on the face of someone when you start talking about getting married. "Because I have treated you in a truly abominable manner most unfitting of my rank based on a prejudiced view of your character." Anyone who looks at him can see that he's in love, that he has no objection to you being his spouse. But he can't have that, he's unworthy. Not that you wants you to take this personally, he is used to being inadequate. Just let him savor the happiness he felt from hearing you say you wanted to be his in the first place. It is more than he deserves for how cruel he has been to you.

[miabebe]

Camp Seventeen: Prologue

Seventeen as Greek Demigods Series

Pairing - Reader x ot13 (Yes, you read that right, I am insane and you are allowed to scream at me)

Word count - 2.7k

Genre - Greek Demigod AU! We’ve mainly got crack cause all of them are idiots, and obviously smut because they are thirteen lonely, horny men afterall (aka reverse harem) also throwing in some fluff and angst as well because I gotta let emotions run high for plot sake :)

A/n - Hello hello, this is a new seventeen series I am starting and boy oh boy is it gonna be a wild ride! A special thanks to @okiedokrie @whipped-for-kpop-fics @ourdawnishotterthanourday @multi-kpop-fanfics for all their amazing help and bearing with me through the discussions for this, I’m so grateful to you guys :)

I will have a taglist for this so please comment/ send an ask to be added!

“Over here!”

Wincing, you looked up from the disgusting heap of mud your foot had neatly landed in, ignoring the way your little piglet was ecstatically rolling in the same filth.

The man before you looked equally disturbed as he walked over, pulling out a bottle of water apparently from up his ass because you didn’t remember him holding it a second ago.

Sighing a thank you, you took it, emptying it onto your boots before grabbing your gremlin of a pet from its happy place, resulting in a series of loud, incessant whining.

In all that noise, you heard your shoe savior take your name with a voice that was as pretty as him.

“I’m Jisoo.” He put out his hand. “You can call me Joshua.”

You nodded, unable to shake his hand thanks to the problem trashing in your arms earning Joshua’s amusement.

“And who is this?”

“Natalie.” You muttered as he raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “Natalie Porkman.”

Joshua burst out laughing, looking away as he covered up a snort, shoulders shaking. You smiled, truly taking in his beautiful features for the first time. Cute.

“This way.” He pointed at absolutely nothing yet you followed this complete stranger, survival skills be damned. “We’ve got a half mile trek ahead of us but it gets a little confusing from here so I thought I’d come pick you up.”

Cute and kind.

You filed it away under ‘to-learn-more-about-when-I-fiigure-out-what-the-fuck-is-going-on-in-my-life.’

The two of you walked side by side, footfall softly echoing in the lush green forest around. Though silence was all you had been craving after the last few days you’ve had, that did not seem like an option since one, Natalie hadn’t stopped whimpering in fifteen minutes and two, Joshua kept glancing at you like you were some sort of ancient artifact.

Not the good kinds.

“What is it?” You said finally, starting a conversation you didn’t want to have. “Never seen a mess of a human before?”

“Never such an old one.” Well, at least you got ancient right. Joshua quickly corrected himself. “I mean I’ve never heard of a demigod surviving undetected in the mortal world for this long.”

Oh but you got ‘human’ wrong. You forgot. Normalcy was never your defining factor but at least now you knew exactly what kind of freak you were.

Almost.

“I wouldn’t call it surviving, more like ‘barely made it’.”

“But you made it.”

“At the cost of what?” You sighed. “Everything is much more complicated now.”

“Don’t worry.” He stopped at a large boulder at the base of an abnormally large tree in the middle of seemingly nowhere. “We’ll all help you.”

“All?”

He nodded, looking at you over his shoulder. “All.”

Your eyes followed his hand as he placed it in the middle of the rock, and after all that you’ve learnt in the last few days, you’re not sure why you were so shocked when it rolled away at his touch. You expected it to lead you to a dark, suspicious cave but a bright light poured out, making you momentarily lose both your vision and your pet who jumped out of your arms and ran into the illuminance, squealing in delight.

“Welcome to Camp Seventeen.”

Joshua grinned, pointing at the scene before him and your jaw dropped in awe.

It was a large opening in the middle of a forest that looked very different from the one you were just trudging through. There were hills on one side, a large lake shimmering far away, fire torches lit everywhere, little cottages scattered here and there, strange symbols topping them all off. Looking at everything curiously, you walked down the cobbled path, only just noticing the two men who were standing at the end of it, both incredibly beautiful. The blonde one was playing with Natalie and the redhead was staring at you with his arms crossed, expression smug.

“Would you look at that, the prodigal babygirl is here at last.”

You frowned, taking an almost immediate dislike despite his pretty, pretty face.

“Jeonghan, play nice.” Joshua muttered, walking over to him.

“Don't patronise me Aphrodite's son, she was supposed to be here at 4-”

“It’s 4:10.”

“-yesterday.” He turned back to you. “You’re a day and 10 minutes late.”

“Well you’re not the one who’s relocating your whole life.” You spat back at him. “I had things to take care of - my dorms, my bills-”

“So much that you missed the meeting with your lawyer.”

“I did ask to reschedule. It’s not my fault he’s an unsympathetic prick.”

“Careful sweetheart.” Jeonghan cocked his head at you. “I’m unforgiving too.”

You stared at him for a whole maddening minute, realizing why his voice seemed so familiar. You had heard him on the phone over the last few days.

“You’re my lawyer.”

“And the best in the city.” Joshua interjected, sensing the rising tension. “Children of Athena tend to be big brained.”

“And hot headed apparently.”

“Natalie says ‘not more than you’.”

All three of you turned to the only other presence there, the man who was carrying your pig, silent as a statue all this while.

“Jun, son of demeter.” Joshua introduced, pulling him ahead. “He’s a natural with anything, well... natural? Mostly plants but he also happens to talk to animals.”

“Domestic ones.” Jun mumbled. “Hansol is better with the wild.”

You greeted him awkwardly, half smiling to be polite and half frowning at the way Natalie was looking up at him with literal heart eyes.

“How did you come across a fledgling?”

“A what now?”

Jun picked your pig up by the arms like a little baby. “She says she’s 10 years old, yet is the size of a toddler. Have you never wondered why your pig never grew?”

“I uh….assumed it was just the kind of breed that didn’t?”

“What an intellectual.” Jeonghan looked at you with faux amazement making you roll your eyes.

Jun, however, still hadn’t met your eye. “Fledglings are creatures of Olympus. Time moves differently there so they don’t really grow like the others in the human world. In that sense, technically, she’s still only a few months old-”

“So you’re telling me this thing, which has lived with me for 10 odd years, is….magical?”

Jun shook his head as Joshua spoke up, clarifying.

“Not magical, that’s a whole different branch of powers and abilities. Your pig is just….not a part of the human world.”

“You betrayer.” You narrowed your eyes at what you thought was your loyal companion. “We were friends. How could I not know?”

Natalie whined sadly in response earning a smile from Jun and of course, yet another snarky comment from Jeonghan. “I don’t speak pig and even I know she said you’re not very bright.”

“Understanding your native language is not particularly intelligent, you swine.” You glared at him, receiving a smirk in response.

“Ten minutes in camp and you’ve already made Jun’s ears red and picked a fight with Han.” You turned to see three men walk up to you, the one in the middle with an amused look and a powerful aura. “You’re gonna fit in quite well Newbie.”

“Seungcheol, son of Zeus and leader of the camp.” Joshua whispered as everyone bowed to him. You imitated them quickly.

“This is Seokmin, Son of Poseidon and Minghao, Son of Ares.” Seungcheol added, pulling out his armor as one of them shot you a cheery smile and the other continued to look at you cynically. “They are our training specialists. Seokmin should help you with your overall fitness and Minghao will train you for combat.”

“C-combat?” You stuttered looking around. “You mean like war?”

“The world of demigods is new to you, don’t try to understand everything in one day.” The Son of Ares sheathed his twin blades behind his back. “Take a few days to adjust to the camp first. You can start training next week.”

You nodded, a little thankful that despite his cold exterior, he seemed to be surprisingly sympathetic of your situation.

“He’s right.” Seokmin chimed. “You should settle here first, not to forget, deal with that lawsuit before you focus on everything else.”

You turned to Jeonghan expecting yet another snarky remark but he looked worried, lost in thought.

When you turned back to Seokmin though, you bit back a scream, your face inches away from a man who appeared soundlessly and seemingly from thin air.

He gave you a cheeky grin with a tilt of the head, “I’m Chan aka Dino, Son of Hermes, Camp cutie, camp hottie and camp leader- ow!”

He rubbed the back of his head vigorously when a small rock hit him with a dull thud. You looked over his shoulder to see Seungcheol aim another one with just a flick of the wrist.

This one Dino skillfully dodged, stepping away from you as Joshua laughed, “Chan is the camp messenger. He’s in charge of all sorts of delivery and transportation.”

“You were the one who picked up my things.” The realisation hit you at last as Dino nodded, pointing at a pile of your stacked bags and trunks beside the entrance.

“Guilty as charged.”

“You were supposed to arrive over an hour ago.” Seokmin narrowed his eyes at the younger man.

“I got held up with some uh distractions.” Chan laughed nervously, scratching the back of his ear. “I didn’t know where to keep her things though, considering you know, she doesn’t have a place yet.”

Seungcheol turned to you to clear your confusion. “Everyone on camp has their own residence but you came on too short a notice so we’re yet to build one of you. We could have housed you in the guest cabin except it was recently damaged in a fight,” He glared at all the boys around him. “So that would not be feasible. Until your own place is not ready you can stay at mine - it is the biggest so you should be comfortable.”

You pursed your lips unsure about his offer. Did you think you would be unsafe in his presence? No absolutely not, the opposite in fact.

You wondered how long you could hold yourself back before unsuspectingly jumping this man and his huge biceps and beefy thighs and manly voice-

“She’s thirsty.”

Taken aback you looked around, searching for the owner of the voice who unnecessarily accurately voiced your thoughts. Instead, you heard the snap of a twig and a low growling sound from the area the forest got more dense. You narrowed your eyes, trying to peer through the overgrown wilderness only to meet a pair of menacing red orbs.

Your adrenaline response barely had the time to kick in before ten, no fifteen, wild hounds ran out of their hiding place towards you, making you scream and hide behind Joshua.

The boys laughed as the dogs circled around you and you gripped onto Joshua’s shoulders terrified.

“Stand back lads.” A silver haired man walked over with a golden haired one beside him, both with a bow and quiver strung over their shoulders. The dogs immediately ran over, aligning themselves in an obedient, straight line behind them.

“Hansol, Son of Artemis and Jihoon, Son of Apollo.” Joshua looked at you over his shoulder. “They are in charge of daytime border patrol. There are all sorts of wild animals out here, hence the hounds, for protection.” As you shuddered, Joshua looked around curiously. “The Son of Hades, is in charge of nighttime patrol. He should be somewhere around here…”

Your eyes widened as the water canteen hanging on Jihoon’s belt flew towards you on its own, making you almost claw Joshua’s arm.

“Wonwoo don’t scare her.” Joshua chastised laughing as you literally see a tall, lean man materialize out of thin air, the canteen in his hand and a smirk on his face. “How long have you been here?”

“The whole time.” He mumbled, handing you the water. “Jihoon said you were thirsty.”

“Not for water.” The blonde man whispered in a way only you could hear, looking entertained at how flushed you were. Did he actually read your mind?

Coming out of Joshua’s shadow, you grabbed the canteen before anyone else noticed, thanking Wonwoo with a hard smile. Tilting your head back you drank up, not noticing how all 10 eyes were intently fixed on you and your throat moving with each gulp. They all took a gulp of their own.

As you wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, slowly looking around and noticing everyone’s gaze, the ground below began to shake, fazing no one but you.

Jeonghan pulled you out of the way of what seemed like a large mechanical bull charging towards you with an equally large man perched on top of it. A smaller man arrived right behind, riding a….. A leopard???

“You said you would win.” The muscled man slid off the mechanical creature, patting it. “My baby is faster.”

“I said a cheetah would win. My baby is a tiger.”

“It's a leopard.” You corrected, earning everyone's snickers and the not so threatening stare of its owner.

“It’s a big cat with an identity crisis.” Taking your hand in his, placing a soft kiss at the back of it, the muscle man gave you a fanged smile. “I’m Mingyu, Son of Hephaestus.”

The other man raised his hand. “Soonyoung, Son of Dionysis and that-” He turned to yet another one who was running over, looking frazzled.

“Seungkwan, Son of Hera, owner of a peacock that has yet again disappeared.” He bent over, grabbing his waist, panting and out of breath. “I don’t get why she keeps running away.”

“Maybe because you keep calling him a she.” Minghao nonchalantly glanced at his neatly filed nails.

“I can’t-” Seungkwan ran his fingers through his head, annoyed. “It’s confusing okay, who the fuck named him Patricia then?”

Behind you Jeonghan giggled.

“You coagulation of human evil,” Seungkwan threw his shoe, missing the target. “Now she- He won’t respond to any other name!”

The boys roared with laughter as Seungkwan unsuccessfully chased Jeonghan around, hands flailing everywhere.

Seungcheol walked over to you amidst all the mess, shooting you an understanding smile. “Your life has just undergone a major change, I get that it is intimidating but don’t worry. All thirteen of us are here to help you get through this.”

You nodded slowly, looking around at the boys, doing a quick, confirmatory headcount. “So there’s only thirteen of you?”

And why were all of them so gorgeous??

“Yeah, only.” Seungcheol chuckled, “Trust me thirteen is more than enough, I’ve got to run a very tight ship here.”

“I just assumed there would be seventeen people since, you know, Camp Seventeen.”

“The Oracle apparently told Woozi to name us Camp Seventeen.” He shrugged. “Not sure why.”

You hummed, as all of them gradually stopped behaving like toddlers and turned their attention to you.

“Wait,” The realization slowly dawned upon you. Actually, it hit you like a brick. “You’re all men.”

Seungcheol nodded carefully, like he didn’t know where you were going with this.

“Am I….Am I the only girl in the camp?”

Soft mutters went around as Seungcheol cleared his throat. “Yes and I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable but unfortunately, it was not a choice.”

“It’s not common for a girl to be assigned to an all boys camp,” Joshua stepped up. “But I believe since Jeonghan and Wonwoo are working on the lawsuit that landed you here, the authorities of Olympus must have thought it is better for you to be here.”

“But it’s not permanent.” Seungcheol added. “You can choose to change camps after Quest Season if you wish-”

“What is Quest season?”

Jeonghan let out a loud sigh. “You’ve been here for what, ten minutes? Don't overwork your brain. The world of demigods is complex, you’ll learn everything with time.”

“He’s right.” Seokmin leaned against the tree near him. “Why don’t we first move your things to Seungcheol’s cabin? We’ll let you get settled, then Joshua can show you around camp, walk you through the rules and assign a duty-”

“Except.” Soonyoung looked at you from bottom to top, like he was assessing you. “What kind of duty?”

“Exactly.” Mingyu threw his arm around his friend, his expression matching. “Daughter of Hestia, Goddess of Hearth and Home, what would you be good for in this camp?”

Minghao hummed, walking up to you, bending to meet your eyelevel. “Well, what can a woman be good for in a camp of thirteen men?”

A/n - next will be a detailed post about each member, their background and powers so it's less confusing for those who aren't so familiar with Greek mythology and the series will start after that so stay tuned!

[entername322]

Birds of a feather

Eunbi (ex Izone) x Male Reader

Length: 10103 words

Previous part

“Fucking whore” Eunbi is woken up by a sudden growl, her eyes dart around as her mind is coming back to consciousness. She sees that you're sitting down on the hospital bed, “Baby, lay down for a second, you need to rest” She reaches out and tries to pull you back so she can snuggle again. “Where is she?” Your voice filled with venom woke her up completely, “Who?” She knows who but she wants to make sure you weren't looking for Yujin. “That whore who birthed me, where is she?” Eunbi let out a sigh of relief, “She's being treated here. Come on baby, lay down for now” Eunbi wraps her hand around you and kisses your cheek.

“Get off me”, You tried to push her away but Eunbi isn't playing around, “No, you're injured and possibly have some concussion. You need to lay down now! We can handle your mom later” Your face contorted into a furious frown, however Eunbi doesn't back down. “I'm serious, you're not going anywhere until they check up on you” Surprisingly you aren't angry, in fact you cool down a little and lay back down with her. Usually your ego would just lash out when someone tries to tell you what to do. Thankfully Eunbi did mellow you down with her, let's just call it affection.

“Why are you here Eunbi?” You grunted as you felt your head pulsing with pain. Eunbi felt her heartbeat rising, the jacket excuse can't work against you, “You left your jacket at the office. I tried giving it back to you but then I heard yelling”, But she said fuck it and try it anyway. “I did? Fuck I need aspirin or something” Thankfully you are too incapacitated by pain to recall what happened earlier today. “I'll call the nurse, okay? Wait here and don't do anything stupid” Eunbi walks out of the room and gets someone to do some quick check up on you.

“Well, it seems like we should do some scans tomorrow, for now I'll just send a nurse to give you some pain relief medicine” The doctor finished his checkup before leaving the two of you. Eunbi looks at you feeling anxious because you seem to be deep in thought, “Is it that painful baby?” Eunbi caresses your head to calm you down, “I need to run”, You said while looking off into the distance. “Run from who? Or where? Stop talking nonsense”, Eunbi scoffed and just pulled you to lay down again. “I can't pay for a CT scan or whatever, the bills gonna put me in debt forever”, Eunbi smiled, feeling a plan come up.

“Baby, I can take care of it”, Is this pity or blind love? “With what? Teacher's wage?” You scoffed at her, “I have money okay? I'm not just some silly old principal you know?” Oh right your school is pretty prestigious, of course she's not just some old hag struggling with minimum wage. “Right, I can ask someone else too” You mutter under your breath, Yujin is also an option after all. “Someone else?” Eunbi said coldly, “No matter.” The headache you're having isn't gonna be complimented by telling Eunbi about Yujin. “It's Yujin Ahn isn't it?” You can feel an aneurysm coming, “Who?” That's not gonna work.

“Yujin Ahn, your classmate. Your…… girlfriend ” The last word leaves a pain like broken glass wounds on Eunbi’s tongue. “She was here wasn't she?” That girl has been acting like your sugar mommy, forcing you to put her name in your emergency contacts and make you move most of your wardrobe to her room. “Yes, she told me you two are dating”, Her cold tone bothers you a little, “Yeah well, I told you it's complicated”, Close your eyes, maybe the problem will go away if you do that.

“Don't act sleepy, tell me about her. Since when are you two dating? How is it complicated?” Eunbi wouldn't let you get away like this, “What is there even to talk about? Is it really weird to hear that the two troublemakers are dating?” That is true, but Eunbi is more curious about how things are going. “You said it's complicated right? What do you mean by that babe?” Her hand reaches out to hold your cheek, the chill that runs down your spine tells you something has happened to her. “It's just complicated” Yet you just swat your hand away and turn your back on her.

Calm down, I need to calm down. He's still in shock and in a lot of pain, so I shouldn't push him too much. That's right, let's try to make sure he prefers having me helping her rather than Yujin. 

Eunbi takes a deep breath, “Baby, I'm sorry okay? I just feel confused, she was here earlier before quickly leaving without saying anything. I was just bluffing you to see if she's actually your girlfriend or not”, You realise that she's probably lying, knowing Yujin, that girl would probably be worried sick about you. “I need to call her”, This brain injury is impending your decision making, “No” Eunbi quietly threatens you. “Where's my phone?” Suspicion rises within your mind, is Eunbi really that bothered by Yujin? Did you perhaps make a mistake in judging Eunbi's characters? “I don't know, probably left in your house. I didn't remember looking for it” Deep down Eunbi curses herself for forgetting it, she should've stolen it and checked your chat with Yujin.

“Fuck”, Maybe it's for the better, Eunbi found out about Yujin already and if Yujin also find out about Eunbi then things can be dangerous. “We can worry about that later baby” Eunbi sits down on the bed pulling you to rest your head on her thigh again. “Fuckkkkkk, I'm not going to school tomorrow”, She giggles a little bit and brushes your hair. Yet looking at her eyes you see this little darkness that's growing ever so slightly. “I can deal with it for you sweetie, just rest up. If the scan tomorrow shows no compilation we can go back to my place”, There is no room for negotiation it seems.

“Right, I should-” Sleep, yet unfortunately Yujin wouldn't allow that, “What are you doing?” Yujin said as she walked in the room uninvited. “I'm resting babe”, You sit up straight and act like you're hurt, “Are you okay?” Which manages to pull Yujin's heartstrings. “Yeah I'm gonna live”, You give her a gentle smile as she pulls you to a hug. If being dominated is Yujin's secret kink, then yours is a gentle and loving hug. 

Fucking slut.

“Did the doctor check on you yet?” Yujin pulls away from the hug, letting you see her worried expression. “Yeah he says I need a scan tomorrow and he sends a nurse for my pain relief” You are so tempted to look at Eunbi right now, but you stop yourself, trying to focus all your attention to Yujin. “You're in pain? Babyyyy”, If you pay attention you can hear the sound of Eunbi's muscles tensing up. “It's just a headache, the medicine will probably kick in once I sleep”, Yujin sighs before turning to Eunbi. “Thank you for taking care of him, I would like to rest with my boyfriend if you don't mind”

Eunbi smiles in a ‘gentle’ manner while her hands are turning into a fist ready to just knock Yujin out. “Of course, see you later okay sweetie?” Eunbi ruffles your hair, with enough force to tell you she's angry with you, “Uh, yeah see you later”, You put on some guilty expressions for some reason.

Yujin turns back to you, completely ignoring Eunbi's existence until the latter leaves the room. “Why is she here even? Is there something you're not telling me?” Yujin narrows her eyes, “I don't know, Eunbi has been….. taking the mantle of mother figure for me” Well you're not lying, but what kind of mother fuck her own son? “Is that so? Well that old hag isn't even married yet, probably some maternity instinct or something”, Yujin scoffs. “Why are you so hostile to her?” You let out a laugh to mask your curiosity, “Because she's a weirdo okay? She acts so kind and warm for everyone, that's gotta be a fake act”, So much aggression for something she wasn't even sure of.

“Yeah you and your insecurities, let's get some sleep babe. Eunbi said "I can skip school tomorrow”, Yujin excitedly embraced you before crawling on the bed, “Haaaaaa, I told you not to go back to your home. You should've listened to me babe. From now on stay in my place okay?” That brings up the question, are you going to play around with these two girls further? Or are you gonna commit? “Let's get some rest, babe. It's been a long day”, Stalling is an option, probably not the most viable but it's an option.

Thankfully the next day you wake up feeling refreshed and better overall. The scan doesn't show anything noteworthy and so they release you. Of course before you can leave there's something you need to attend to, child protection services. “So you have been abused since you were kids?” Normally you would've tell them to fuck off and leave you alone. Thankfully Eunbi has kinda made you more open about this type of stuff. Hey look at that she’s actually helping you to get better, so you give them the quick rundown of how your life is, which doesn't seem to surprise them at all. “Yeah it is what it is, what can you do?” Well, you're less aggressive and not entirely open yet, but progress is progress. “I see, you are old enough to be considered an adult. However due to the years of abuse you've been subjected to there's a possibility of stunted growth”, She just called you slow in the most polite manner. “Maybe I am stunted, who knows if she dropped me when I was a baby”, You scoffed feeling offended, “I'm sorry if I say something wrong. Your safety is in our best interest, looking up your data unfortunately we can't seem to find your legal guardian”, Of course they won't, your mom put in some fake person's ID for it.

“I don't need a legal guardian”, They don't buy that at all, “How is your relationship with Miss Kwon?” You furrowed your eyebrows, wondering why they ask that. Your mind moves quickly before reaching a conclusion, “She's been taking care of me from time to time”, Are you officially registered as her patient? “I see, are you aware she was the one who brought you here?” You tell her you met Eunbi last night when you woke up. It was during this that you realised you don't really leave any jacket do you? Because the nurse handed you back the outfits you were wearing before you got operated on, and your jacket was there. The thing has some holes from glass shrapnels and even some of your blood stain on it indicating that you were wearing it when your mother was beating the shit out of you.

“Is there a problem?” The girl said as she saw you being silent, “I don't know, she's been trying to take the mantle of a motherly figure or something. She's weird”, You should ask Eunbi later. “I see, are you open to the idea of her being your temporary guardian?” Seems like you can only stall for so long. It took a full 5 minutes before you nod nervously, “I see, we will be contacting her for now then. Do you have a place to sleep?” You nod again telling them your girlfriend is here. “Very well, that's all we have to ask. This is our contact information, please contact us after you find your phone back”

Eunbi is the right choice. Yujin is young and much easier to corrupt but her family is something else. I don't know shit about them except that they're rich. Shit even Yujin has been refusing to talk about her family. Unknown variable means death, if I pick Yujin and her family cut me off god knows if Eunbi would ever take me back. Besides this way I can still juggle between them. I can give Yujin a solid answer on why I'm spending time with Eunbi. For now I need to check what the fuck is up with Eunbi.

“You're so stubborn sometimes”, Yujin grumbles as you talk her out of paying the bills, “Just trust me on this one okay?” If you're going for Eunbi it might be better to ask for a favour, make her feel she's being useful to you. “How do you even plan to pay them huh?” As usual you just distract her with kisses, “I have some plans”, Yujin grumbles but nods anyway. Yujin wraps her hand around yours and follows you to your mother's room.

She looks pathetic, the doctor said she has some concussion and the alcohol in her body is at a near dangerous level. “I hope you die”, Bold statement, “She is a bitch alright. God, you live with her all this time?” Yujin closed her nose due to a sting of alcohol. Your hand reaches out and grabs your mom's neck, “If I could, I would've”, Yujin stares into your cold eyes, a little shocked to see the evil behind them. “Babe, you're gonna get in trouble”, Gently she pulls your hand away, but your eyes never stop staring at the whore’s face. Hoping that one way or another it will cause her to get a brain aneurysm. “Come on babe let's get out of here”, Feeling things might go wrong Yujin decides to pull you away from the room, I'll be back bitch.

“Baby I need to find my phone first. You go home first I'll see you at your place”, You try to escape Yujin, “No, I'll buy you one later. In fact, since it's our off day let's go out on a date”, Something inside her tells her she shouldn't let you leave her sight for now. “Yujin”, You try to use your serious tone but Yujin doesn't give a fuck, “We're going to my place, get a shower and shop for a new phone”, Well since you plan on leaving her might as well milk out every last drop that you can. “Fine, but I'm still not announcing our relationship”, The drama from leaving her could be annoying, “That's fine, now let's go I want to finish it up quickly so we can get to the sex part”, Her smile almost makes you second guess your decision there.

“Oh you're finally here? Did I forget to tell you that I only give you one day off?” Eunbi is fuming once you finally visit her at her place, you've spent the last 3 days just chilling with Yujin without contacting her at all. “Sorry okay? Yujin was just being overprotective and stuff”, You were also having a hard time saying no, did she actually make you second guess yourself? “Get in”, This aggressive Eunbi is new for you, and for some reason it makes you feel guilty.

You get in and sit at her couch, Eunbi walks off somewhere before returning with a stack of paper and throwing it to you. “Huh? So you're my legal guardian now?” There's a paper for your paid hospital bill because you're an asshole who just sent it to her without saying anything , “Yes, so that means you're MY responsibility”, Eunbi sits down next to you, her face ridden with furry. “Have you been spending time with your girlfriend?” Eunbi leans closer to you, one of her hands grabs your cheek and forces you to face her. “Yes and no, I checked in with some of my friends as well”, Eunbi leans closer to your neck inspecting it, “Are you lying to me?” She presses one of the hickey Yujin left making you flinch a little due to her nail sinking into your skin.

“No, I do spend a lot of time with Yujin as well”, You act annoyed with her questioning and remove her hand from your neck. Eunbi let it happen but she leaned even closer and took a sniff off your body, “You smell different”, Now, without a shadow of a doubt Eunbi isn't as simple as a sex slave. The question is, has she always been like this or did she change?

“Yeah I've been living with Yujin-” Eunbi decides to stop you right there, “Living with her? Ohhhh, so you prefer staying with her over me? You must be having soooooo much fun that you forgot to contact me. You know you never tell me how your relationship was, I remember it was….. complicated? Or something like that”, Eunbi moves to sit on your lap, locking you in while both of her hands cupping your face and caressing your cheek. 

Damn she looks hot.

Did you seriously find her sinister eyes to be enticing?

God I love the kind of women that will actually just kill me.

“Baby I need you to answer me okay? How is your relationship with Yujin?” Eunbi tilts her head a little and forms a smile but her empty eyes just make her even more sinister. “Yujin is, my girlfriend”, She nods and gives you an ‘encouraging’ smile to continue, “She likes me, I don't really like her that much”, That's too simple, and sounded too good to be true. Which is why Eunbi slams you to the back of the couch before pressing your face with her hands. “I think there's more than that. Don't lie to me sweetie, I hate it when you lie to me”, Perhaps, deep down you're just like Yujin, craving for someone to dominate you.

“Okay, she's also my sexual relief. Unlike you she wants an actual relationship and is craving for love. So I play into her needs so I can use her”, Bold move, admitting your heartlessness, “Is that so? Have you been using me as well?” The smile never really leaves Eunbi's face but you can feel her aggression getting stronger.

“Yes”, You brace yourself for her lashing out, but she doesn't. She just sat there, staring at you menacingly. “Is that so? I'm just a sex slave for you then?” Even her tone doesn't change, “You were, but things have changed”, The nonchalance tone you're using is slowly getting to her. “Is that true? How am I supposed to believe that? How do I know you're not just buttering me up?” She stops gripping your face but her hand still linger there. “Maybe I am, but now my mom is gone I need a roof to sleep under. It's either you or Yujin, and I pick you”, You smile so confidently as if what you say is just some normal statement.

“Are you lying baby?” The answer was adequate for Eunbi, as long as you actually choose her your attitude can be fixed with time. “No, Yujin is rich but she has her family that could just kick me out. You are alone, no one to turn to”, Your hand grabs her thighs before you press your forehead against her, “We're just two lonely people, so why not team up? You and me against the world Eunbi”, Her cold eyes slowly melted away, returning to the gentle eye she always wore. “You promise baby? You're not gonna contact Yujin again right? You're gonna be a good little boy and follow mommy's order?” Eunbi pinch your cheek, “I think you forget what our dynamic is, but I'll talk to her slowly. If she got mad things just gonna get messy in school”, Eunbi has a problem with that plan however since you grab her ass she couldn't think straight anymore.

“Master, you've been gone for too long. Please fuck mommy already”, Just like that she return to the old Eunbi, with some extra spice on it. “Mommy huh? I kinda like that”, You pull dress exposing her bare tits, “I miss you master, please don't leave me again”, Couldn't even wait for a second longer, Eunbi grabs your head and pulls it to her chest. As a proper gentleman you accept her invitation and feast on the food she has given you. Your mouth wrapped around her nipple as you start sucking it, one of your hands grabs her other tits and with your finger you start to rub her nipple as well.

“Aaaahhhh, master”, Eunbi moans out loud, her body has been craving for too long that a single stimulation from you can send her over the edge. Feeling her body squirm you get even more aggressive, pinching her nipple and starting to pull it out while your mouth bites down on her other nipples. “Fuckkk, masterrrr”, She squealed as she climaxed “My, my, mommy has been missing me huh?” You laugh seeing her wet her own pants. “Oohhhhh, master please more, I need more”, Eunbi pleads even though her orgasm hasn't even ended yet. One of your hands travels down into her pants, rubbing furiously on her clit while your mouth continues sucking her tits. 

“Fuck, master”, Eunbi squeal in an even higher tone as her body shakes uncontrollably. “Pathetic little slut”, You scoffed before pulling her into a kiss, “Ahhhh”, She has crossed eyes as you start kissing her aggressively. It took over a minute before she started calming down. “Master, I miss you so much. Can you say you love me? Tell your mommy how much you love her”, Eunbi looks at you as tears start to fall down her eyes, “I love you Eunbi”, You whisper in her ears before throwing her to the couch.

With one quick pull you take off her pants, revealing her drenched thighs and pussy. “Mommy wants me to fuck her?” Your hand starts to rub her pussy, “Yes baby, your mommy is a dirty slut who wanted to take you in her care so she can fuck you. I want us to fuck everyday and night”, Sounds so fucking hot isn't it? “You're such a bad-” You slap her pussy, “-bad,” And again, “-bad girl”, You let your finger slide between her slit making her quiver.

“Baby please, fuck me”, Her leg is already moving around impatiently, “God you're so fucking hot”, You said before going down on her. You start biting and kissing her thighs, slowly making a trail down to her pussy. Once you arrive at the main course your tongue sticks out and starts tasting her. “Ahhhhhh, baby”, Just a little stimulation is enough for Eunbi to start shaking. 

It's always nice seeing her so desperate for release, but it's also nice to see her being oversensitive like this. So you move even faster, your tongue starts licking her all around before it slowly slither inside her. “Oh fuck baby, right there”, Eunbi moans, your tongue do a little flick that make her shakes so you do it again, “Ahhhh, baby”, And again, “Just like that”, And again. Savouring the taste of her pussy juices, you can't help but to enjoy it.

She tastes better than Yujin.

Your hand reaches out to grab her hips as she starts moving way too aggressively for you. “Baby you're gonna make me cum again”, Eunbi grabs your head and holds on to it as you get even more aggressive. Licks after licks with occasional biting to her clit prove to be too much for Eunbi as she finally reaches her second orgasm. 

“I'm cumming”, With a scream Eunbi sprays her juices all over your face, her hand is gripping your hair so hard it almost makes you grunt in pain. You preserved, continue licking her as her climax slowly passes away. Once she's done her hands let go of you and she lay there exhausted. 

You crawl to her before kissing her aggressively, letting her have a taste of herself. “Aaaahhhh, master”, Eunbi moans as you pull away, “You taste great, mommy”, You smile mischievously. The compliment makes her giddy, “Let me taste more”, She grabs your chin and pulls you for another kiss, her tongue exploring around your mouth and lips, licking them aggressively. Then she moves to your cheek, ‘cleaning’ it from her juices. The taste of her own pussy and your sweat was addictive to her so she can't stop herself from licking all over your face.

“Hahahah, calm down mommy”, You laugh feeling ticklish, “Baby, I like it when you call me mommy. I'm your mommy, and you're my baby okay? I love you”, Eunbi looks at you with eyes clouded by ecstasy. “I love you too mommy”, Her body shakes again, ready for the next round. 

You strip yourself down revealing your fully erect cock, then you align it with her entrance, gently rubbing it against her entrance. “Babyyyyy, fuck me already”, Eunbi try to move her hips so she can push you into her. “You're so hopeless sometimes”, You laugh before thrusting it in without any warning. Her body tense up, her torso bent upward as if she just got possessed. “Are you actually having another orgasm from me putting it in?” She can't answer you, because she's having yet another climax.

A laugh escaped your lips as you watched her shaking under you. Your hand grabs onto her hips before yours starts to move, ignoring her state. A smile forms on your face seeing how pathetic she looks. Her tongue sticking out of her mouth, her eyes rolling to the back of her head, a real life ahegao, and she looks perfect like this. Your hips move aggressively, pounding her so hard that Eunbi might develop a bruise. “Baby, kiss me please” Both of her hands reach out to your head, the moment you lean your head closer they grab it and pull you into her.

“Cum baby, please cum inside. It's been too long”, Her desperate whisper is just what you need, “Take it slut”, You burrow deep inside her as your hot load floods her inside. The moment Eunbi can feel the familiar warmth growing her stomach her mind short circuited as another wave of ecstasy washes over her. 

“Hehehe, you really are just a helpless little slut aren't you?” You let out a laugh as you watch her fighting for her life. As you try to pull away you realise her legs already locked you in place. “Don't leave baby, stay here”, Eunbi grabs your hand and pulls you to lay on top of her again.

“I need to take a shower Eunbi”, You sigh realising how needy this girl has become, “Don't take a shower yet baby, the night is still long”, She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, taking comfort in your familiar scent. Unfortunately for her she forgot that you reek of another woman's scent, “I'm too tired Eunbi I need to sleep”, The rejection is just adding insult to injury.

“Baby, I'm horny. So be a good boy and help mommy okay?” She playfully nibbles your ear while her hands aggressively scratch your back. “Stop doing that, my back is already banged up as it is”, Also you're kinda annoyed with how much you're enjoying the pain. “Baby, don't make me mad. You know you can do more”, The playful bite turns into a warning bite as her legs also start crushing your waist. “Just let me rest today will you? I'll make it up to you tomorrow” Reluctantly she releases you and stares into your eyes. “Tomorrow you're going to school. I want you to go and come back home with me. I'll drive us there and I don't want to ever see you talk to Yujin again okay?”

“It's kinda hard to not see her when we're in the same class”, Wrong answer buddy, “Baby, stop being so persistent and just do what mommy tells you. Yujin isn't a good influence on you in any way. I know you're using her but don't think that means she can't affect you at all. Stop talking to her and ghost her, if she does anything mommy will keep you safe” Are you sure you want to go all in with this route? “Listen, mommy. I'll break up with Yujin the way I see fit, okay? Stop being so jealous and let me handle it”, She's kinda right though, Yujin's bratty attitude starts to rub on you.

“I don't want you to meet her outside of school, can you do that for me?” You can definitely hide it from her, “Fine, now let me go I need to take a shower” Eunbi nods and lets you off. Her eyes follow your back as you leave the room, “My baby, my master” She whispers to reassure herself that you're finally hers.

As soon as you finish showering Eunbi barges in, “Baby the dinner is ready so go get dressed up and join me okay?” How does she manage to lay her hand on your old clothes? Best to not ask. Dressing up, you join her at the dinner table where Eunbi pulls you in order to sit on your lap. “I miss you so much baby, don't run away like that ever again okay? Have you been eating well? Did you sleep properly”, She smothers you with kisses while also feeding you, “Im fine, just tired. Where did you get my clothes anyway?” Eunbi just smiles and continues feeding you.

“Is your wound all healed up now? You've been taking your medication right?” This girl's gonna be more needy than Yujin isn't she? “It's healed already, I stop taking those meds after the pain goes away”, Your hand slither to start playing with her thighs. “Good, tomorrow mommy is gonna be having a session with one of the students. So you will be spending your time in the detention room while I finish up. Don't complain, that's what you get for skipping school too much”, Wouldn't that mean Yujin will also be getting detention since she also skipped school.

“Sure I'll spend a few hours with Yujin, why not?” A sharp pain can be felt on your chest as Eunbi bites you, “Nope, she will be sent back home. You just got to an accident so the detention was given for not contacting the school about not being able to attend. Don't worry baby, she won't get in our way”, How nice of her.

“I need to go back home for a second tomorrow. Pick up some things”, Just like a snake, Eunbi wraps her arms around you while looking at you angrily, “You will not go back home to that whore's place. Whatever you have there I can buy a new one for you. I'm not letting you get injured again”, Perhaps you should make a more compelling argument. “Mom is still in the hospital, so I want to take my things. Especially my brother's things because they meant a lot to me. It'll be quick I promise, I'll even contact you to tell you I'm safe”, She's not buying it. Even after hours of persuasion she wouldn't budge at all. In the end you just relent and decide to run away later to finish some stuff.

“Now, be a good boy and clean the dishes while I take a shower, okay? Then after that we can go to sleep”, When was the last time you ever washed the dishes? When was the last time you ever ate in your own home? Doing this little house chores doesn't feel that bad, you finish up quickly before opening your phone and find Yujin is looking for you.

“Hey babe, what's up?”

“What do you mean what's up? Where are you? I thought you said it won't be longer than an hour”

“Yeah, something came up. Turns out Eunbi has become my legal guardian”

“Why? Why is that bitch so obsessed with you?”

“Well you know, unlike you she's a softie inside and outside. Guess she just felt pity of me”

“Ugghhhh, she's just being a fake bitch trying to sell her kindness. Baby come home you're not safe there”

“Listen babe I think she's just like that, let me spend some time here to check her out okay?”

“Why? Why do you even want that? Are you seriously thinking about moving in with her?”

“Listen babe, things get problematic if they find out I'm not staying with my legal guardian. For me and for her”

“How? You're an adult already”

“Well yeah but that's because it's a requirement for an adult story”

“Huh?”

“The point is, despite her original intention that we might never know, she's still a kind and caring woman. She helps me go through my brother's death”

“So?”

“So I don't want to make it harder for her by being a rebel. Trust me on this one okay? I owe her, and you know I don't like owing shit”

“Ugghhhhh, you just want to fuck her don't you?”

Before you get to answer you heard someone yell at you, “Who is that?” Turning around you can see Eunbi is just fresh out of the shower. Her hair is still wet and dripping droplets all over the kitchen floor, she's also wearing nothing but a piece of towel. “Listen babe I'll talk to you later okay? Bye have a good-” You didn't get to finish your words as Eunbi snatched the phone away from you and hung up the call.

“I thought we agreed that you will never talk to her again” , She set your phone down on the counter before pressing her body up against yours. “I told you I'm gonna break this up my way. Just give me time okay?” You feel irritated with her possessiveness, although deep down you feel kinda guilty. Guilty? What? No I'm not guilty. Whatever you say man.

“Your way? Why don't you explain to me what your plan is then? Or do you just plan to see her behind me? Because it feels like you're trying to keep her as close as you can”, Behind you Eunbi's hand reaches out to take a knife. You didn't notice it, and she didn't notice it either, it was her other side that's taking over. “Of course not, I just feel…… you did this to me, now I'm all mellow and shit. Now I feel like shit for hurting her. Just let me set the record straight first okay?” See? Just admit that you're actually falling for Yujin. I'm just acting okay? Up to you.

“Baby, promise me that you'll leave her. Promise me that she won't get in our way. It's you and me against the world, that's what you told me earlier” See? It works, “Yes Eunbi, it's just you and me, I promise”, Her eyes dart around to see if you actually mean it. Failing to see anything amiss her anger subsided and her hand let go of the knife before grabbing your head to pull you for another kiss. 

This time the kiss is filled with love, sick and twisted love but still love regardless. “I don't like Eunbi, from now on you're gonna call me mommy okay?” That's kinda hard to do, “That's too kinky, I'm just gonna get horny if I keep calling you that”, Literally too hard for you. “Hhhmmm, fine. Call me babe then, also stop calling Yujin babe, she doesn't deserve that name”, You nod and push her body away gently. “Go get dressed and clean your hair, babe. I want to go to sleep, see you in bed”, A little kiss to her cheek seems to brighten her mood considerably.

The night is still young, and Eunbi is still horny. So despite your begging she wouldn't let you go and just keep making out with you. Trying her best to mark you with hickeys or bite marks while also showering you with her scent to wash away any trace of Yujin. “Haaaa, I can get used to this. We will do this every night from now on, okay baby?” Eunbi sighs as she finally feels her thirst quenched, “No way I'm doing another 2 hour make out session. My lips are all bleeding now because of you”, It's not bleeding but it might as well be with how rough she's been biting them. “Don't be so dramatic, a few rounds of sex and then a long make out session, that's our nightly ritual. Now come here and cuddle with me baby, I want to feel you throughout the night”, The night is pleasant, her soft pillow is so comforting to sleep on. Her soft pillow is referring to her tits because she makes you rest on top of her the whole night.

“Are you okay? Like physically and mentally?” Minho watches over you with a lot of concern in his eyes, “Yeah I'm fine”, He has taken the shift of detention so he can talk to you to make sure you're okay. “Do you have a place to stay? Where have you been these last couple of days?” Fuck it go after the dilf as well? “I'm sleeping at my friend's place. Did Eunbi tell you what happened?” 

“She said she found you and spent the night with you in the hospital until you woke up”, You decide to tell him a bit more about what happened between you and Eunbi, making him let out a sigh of relief. “That's good to hear, Eunbi is a great and kind person and she will definitely help you as best as she can. Thank god you actually agreed with my request to meet her back then”, This guy is actually the catalyst for all of this isn't he? Meeting Eunbi and showing her another side of you is the reason why she's actually falling for you. Perhaps you should invite him to the wedding as your best man. 

“Listen, teach, I need to do something. Eunbi has been prohibiting me from going back home. I got some stuff there that means a lot to me. Can you just let me go and grab some of them real quick?” Minho stares at you disapprovingly, “You're trying to run from the detention aren't you?” Yes you do but it hurts you how little trust he puts in you. “I'll be back before the detention is over I promise. Please just this once, Eunbi wouldn't let me get near that place at all”, Just as you thought he's gonna say no, “Fine, you have an hour”, He said yes instead.

“An hour? Is he insane? I need 30 minutes of walking to get home”, Better save up your breath because you'll be running. While you're racing in the streets like a mad man your mind tries to outrun you. There's actually one other reason why you need to get home, an unfinished business with your mother. “What the fuck are you doing here?” Of course she's home, you've been watching her closely this whole time. “It's nice to see you again mom, even if it's the last time”

“Where did you go?” Yujin is exactly the last person you want to meet right now, “I tried to pick up my stuff”, You try to play it cool and shrugged. “Picking up your stuff? I thought I told you that you should never come home ever again”, Yujin grabs your ears and pinchs it, “It's fine I just need to grab some sentimental shit. What are you doing here? I thought you're suspended”, You slap her hand away. “Looking for you dummy, come on let's go home”, If Eunbi sees this you're gonna get in a huge trouble. 

“I'm still in detention with Minho, he's gonna kill me if I don't come back” You push her hand away making her frown, “Babe, since when do you care about school?” Her eyes are filled with suspicion. “Since today, come on for a second, can you stop acting so edgy? I need school, I'm not you with a billionaire family ready to back me up”, Yujin frowns hearing that, “You could've joined my family”, Every second you spend talking to her the more likely Eunbi finds out. 

“Your parents wouldn't like me, just go back home first okay? I'll start spending time with you after you get back to school. How long is your suspension?” You decide to take a gamble and hug her to calm her down, “Uuuggghhh, three days. You're going to my place tomorrow, after school just join me until dinner. I don't mind if you go back to that whore's place to sleep”, Yujin hugs you tight before kissing your cheek. She misses you so much she didn't question why you're wearing a scarf all of the sudden.

“Okay babe, see you tomorrow”, You give her a kiss before letting her go, hopefully Eunbi won't notice anything. “You ran back to your home?” Minho snitched on you, “I was trying to pick up my brother's stuff”, You turned to Minho who just sighs. “She came here when you were gone. I told you I'm not saying anything but I'm not gonna lie to my boss”, Never rely on a teacher to bail you out of anything ever again.

“So? What did you take from there?” Eunbi sees that you have returned empty handed, “Nothing, she sold them all off to the pawnshop”, You scoff and act pissed. “Is that true? Were you just lying so you can run to smoke?” Eunbi walks closer to you and the first thing she notices is the nicotine. “You are smoking again”, At least her sensitive nose doesn't pick up Yujin's perfume, “I'm just gonna leave you two for this one”, Minho slips away leaving you with the beast.

“Okay, I smoke on the way-” Eunbi slaps you, it hurts, the mental damage that is. “Why are you so adamant about smoking? Why are you so stubborn and going home? Can't you see that all I want is the best for you? The best for us”, She can't help but whisper the last sentence as tears start to fall down her eyes. For the first time, you felt guilty.

“I'm sorry Eunbi, I really am”, You pull her to a hug, hoping that this will calm her down before she breaks you. “I want us to be together, forever. Baby I told you to not do those stuff because I care for you. Why can't you understand that?” Eunbi hugs you back as she starts sobbing. 

“I know, I'm sorry. I can't just stop smoking, and I have to know where my brother's stuff is. I'm sorry, I really am….. please don't cry”, Your words are pathetic, but your voice breaking as an alien feeling in your heart starts to break you apart, somewhat calms Eunbi down. “Promise me, that from now on you will do what I said okay? Promise me you will stop smoking. If you feel the withdrawal symptoms just tell me okay baby? Let me help you through that, okay? I love you, more than anything. We are all we have, you said that to me. So promise me you'll listen”, Eunbi pulls away and caresses your cheek.

“Okay, I promise I won't”, You were so close on tearing up yourself, “Good, but you're gonna have to continue your detention today, let's go home baby”

Detention sucks, and not even Eunbi can change that. “Eunbi can you-” A light slap on your cheek completely shuts you down. “No baby, what did we agree on earlier? Call me mommy” Eunbi smiles before she continues nibbling on your chest.

“Well mommy, at this point you've abused me more than what my real mom did” It was supposed to be a joke right? “What? Baby I don't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry”, Is the punchline for the joke the panic attack that Eunbi is having right now? 

“No, I don't mean it like that. Just let me go okay? I'm bored being bedridden like this”, You try to stand up but Eunbi just throws herself to you, “No baby don't be mad please. I'm sorry, mommy can make it up to you, don't be mad” She pleads as her tears are about to burst.

“Ugggghhhh, I'm not mad, just let me go”, You, feeling embarrassed for making her this way try to hide it with your grumpiness. “Please, let mommy make it up to you okay?” Eunbi looks at you with her teary eyes making you relent, “Fine”

She leans down and gives you a kiss on the cheek, praying that you're actually not angry at her. Then her hand travels down and pulls your pants down, releasing your half erect cock. After all, despite your grumpiness you still find her actions to be hot. 

Her lips start kissing your balls while her nose is inhaling your musky scent. “Mommy will take care of you sweetie”, Her breaths tickle your skin as her hand starts to jerk you. “Fuck you're getting good with this”, Hearing your compliment, Eunbi pulled your cock into her mouth that has gotten used to your size.

Looking down you can see Eunbi is staring right at you, fishing for more compliments while also trying to make sure you're enjoying this.

Fuck she look so hot.

The look in your eyes gives her enough encouragement to continue. Without any problems she deepthroated you while still maintaining eye contact. “Fuck Eunbi”, Although your moans is music to her ears, she still want to hear you call her mommy. So she picks up her pace, letting your cock slip in and out her mouth while her spit starts to drip down your balls. One of her hands holds onto your cock to keep it steady while the other one is massaging your ball.

Getting attacked like this you couldn't last longer than five minutes. Eunbi's eyes widened the moment she felt your cock throbbing in her throat. With ease she plunges all of it into her mouth while her tongue is doing its best to help you finish. “Fuck, I'm cumming”, Your hips buckled forward as you shoots your warm cum straight down her throat. 

Being the good slut that she is, Eunbi finds your cum travelling into her stomach to be very ecstatic. Her muffled screams tell you she's having an orgasm. “Fuck, Eunbi come here”, You grab her face, she let go of your cock and just let her body pulled by your hand.

“I'm sorry for running away earlier okay?” Eunbi let out a sigh of relief hearing you willing to admit your fault, I'm not admitting shit, it's progress. “It's okay baby, but you know I just feel worried about you right? I only want you to be safe” She starts caressing your cheek.

“I know, I know, so let's just put this behind us okay? It doesn't matter anymore”, It doesn't? “Okay baby, I love you” She kisses your cheek. “I love you too, mommy. Now get those breasts free, I want to munch on them”

.

.

.

After a long intimate bonding session, the two of you just rest on her bed, completely drained of all energy. “Haaaa, you really bring out the worst in me baby. I actually think about not going to work tomorrow just so I can spend it with you” Eunbi sighs and continues making out with you.

“Well perfect attendance is overrat-” Your phone suddenly rings, cutting you off. “Who's that?” Eunbi said feeling pissed off having someone distract you from the moment you two are having. You grab your phone and pray that it's not Yujin, and in a way your prayers work.

The call is from the police department, informing you that they have found your mother dead from overdose in your house. “What? I thought you said she wasn't supposed to be home until tomorrow”, Eunbi looks at you with concern.

“I mean, she should be right?” Eunbi gets off the bed and walks to her desk and rummages through some papers. “No, it's today. You said you checked this paper today to see if your mom is home or not. What do you mean she's not home yet?” You did lie and told her you sneak to check the paper when she's having a shower earlier today.

“I don't know, did I get the date mixed up?” The clueless act doesn't faze her at all, “Baby, did you come home to kill your own mom?” Her anger is justified, but the lack of fear or distraught in her voice made you feel confused for a moment. “No” You deny such accusations, “Don't lie to me baby. You ran back there to end her, didn't you?” She presses on.

“Eunbi why would I-” She grabs your mouth and stops your denial, “You always call me by name when you try to hide something”, Honestly, Eunbi just doesn't like it when you call her that so she assumes the worst. “I….. fuck I did, so what?” That's a bold move dude.

Eunbi stands there glaring at you intensely. She wasn't angry that you killed your mom, she's angry that you might get in trouble for it. You see Eunbi is simply out of her mind right now, deep down she's also been planning to eliminate your mother. So seeing you jump in like this with such sloppy work enrages her to no end. 

“You're grounded”, Her loud yell only makes you even more confused. “Grounded? By the police department?” You tried to make a joke, “No, by me. I am not letting you go out of this place ever again. You've lost your privileges young man. From now on you will go to school with me, stay there until the school is finished and come home with me. I am not taking the risk of you doing something stupid like this again”, Eunbi let out a roar.

“Eunbi, what are you thinking? What actually comes through your mind when I told you that I killed my mom”, You stand up and walk closer to her, “What I'm thinking? I think you're being an idiot for doing something so rash. You're putting yourself at risk, you're putting US at risk”, She grabs your collar and slams you to the wall before pressing herself against you.

“Is that so? The idea that I have taken someone's life isn't a bother for you?” You stare deep into her eyes that has become an abyss, “I would've killed that bitch herself if I wasn't busy saving your life back then”, And the abyss gazes back. 

“Alright baby, now what do we do? Just ignore it and do nothing?” A warm smile forms on your face as a wave of relief washes over you. “Yes, as your legal guardian I will tell them you are not ready to talk about this and have them deal with the corpse themselves. She's not your mom, she never acted like one so she won't be treated as one”

“Okay then, sorry about this babe. I was just too hot headed at the time”, Your hand reaches out and caresses her face, “Fine, I'll let you off this one time. You're still grounded indefinitely, and if I ever see you do something that could risk us again, I'll lock you down to the bed myself” She throws you back on the bed. “Okay mommy, good to know you're just as batshit insane as I am” 

“I can't believe you didn't even try to contact me. Am I not your girlfriend?” Yujin is angry, rightfully so since you have been ghosting her these last few days. “Baby I told you I had a lot in my mind. I'm sorry, okay? Can I make it up to you in any way?” Why are you so hellbent on playing this game? Is Eunbi not enough? Is her approval of your murder not enough for you?

“Baby, you will come back home with me today. I don't fucking care how much you like that bitchy therapist and how much you owe her. You're coming back home, with me”

Right now is lunch break, you should've been in Eunbi's room having lunch together. Unfortunately Yujin pulls you aside to the rooftop where she uses her strength and size to easily overpower you and pin you to the wall.

“Baby, come on. Calm down for a second”, Feeling cornered, because you are, you decided to use the oldest trick in the book. “Ugggghhhh, you can't just keep doing that”, Yujin said in between her moans as you started making out with her. “I'll talk with Eunbi to see if I can go home with you tonight. What if we do something stupid? Right here, right now?” Your hands start to squeeze her ass making her moan even harder. 

“You're gonna fuck me here just because I'm mad? No you just don't want to talk to me about what's happening aren't you?” Yujin frowns seeing through your intent, “I do, so are you gonna stop me?” Your hands travel up and start squeezing her tits as well. “No”

She leans deeper into the kiss while her hand starts to unbutton your shirt. There's a problem with that, you are ridden with hickeys from your mommy. So in the spurt of the moment you just switch places and pin her to the wall instead. “I miss you babe, I really do”, And to show her how genuine you are, you easily pull up her top and expose her bra. 

“We don't have much time, and you better stop yourself from screaming your lungs out” 

This isn't the time for foreplay, she's already soaking wet down there and you're kinda missing her body. “Oh fuck, I almost forgot how big this thing is” Yujin immediately grabs your cock as soon as you pull down your pants. “You ready babe?” You pull down her panties and she immediately pulls your cock to align it with her pussy. “Do it”

As you plunge yourself inside her Yujin sinks her teeth into your shoulder. Her muffled scream was followed by the sounds of clapping as you don't bother doing things slowly. “Fuck, I almost forgot how tight you are” You grunted as you pound her like there's no tomorrow.

“What is going on here?” A voice from behind you made your body freeze, “Ugghhhh, fuck off” Yujin grunted as her face crumbled. “Are you two…….” It has to be Eunbi, out of everyone that could catch you red-handed it has to be her. Awkwardly you pull out your dick from Yujin and put your pants back up. “Come. With. Me. Now”, Despite your reluctance you still turn around to see Eunbi's face. It's ugly, like holy shit she's furious. Any moment she might just maul you or Yujin.

“Tchhh”, Yujin scoffs as she dresses back up, there's no hint of embarrassment or guilt in her face and demeanour. “Come on”, You try to nudge Yujin to start walking, hoping she won't agitate Eunbi further. Unfortunately Yujin decides to wrap her arms around yours which almost makes Eunbi snap. “Are you gonna lead us or what?” Oh Jesus Christ you're so dead.

“Follow me” Eunbi answered, she's using every ounce of her logical reasoning to stop her body from jumping and just throwing Yujin off the rooftop. The three of you walk into Eunbi's office, the break is already over so nobody sees Yujin being all lovey dovey with you. “Don't be so sour baby, we'll be okay” Yujin tries to cheer you up seeing how tense you are. Yet her actions only make you even more tense. Even from behind you can see how enraged Eunbi is. 

Honestly you're not really scared of Eunbi being angry at you. You're scared that she might do something rash.

Hurting Yujin can fuck both of us over. She's rich enough to fuck you over back Eunbi. Her family will go after your head if she gets hurt. I can protect you from that, even if I do it would mean the end of us. Goddamnit Eunbi if Yujin gets hurt and she finds out I picked you she will go after my head as well.

Well you know, what goes around comes around. Karma is a bitch. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. There's countless phrases and advice that could apply here. 

If you want to hurt her at least finish her off.

Huh?

Yeah, that could work. Nobody knows me and Yujin is dating, and I've checked her phone a few times to make sure it stays that way. Although Eunbi did say her butler or something came to see my face. That could be problematic.

Are you actually thinking about killing Yujin?

Please keep your cool Eunbi, we can't deal with double murder.

Huh? 

“So? Are you gonna say anything?” Oh right, you three have reached Eunbi's office already. Eunbi sits behind her desk while you and Yujin sit next to each other in front of her. Eunbi hasn't said anything which annoys Yujin further. “Do you have any idea how angry I am right now?” Not really sure who Eunbi is talking to, but you have a suspicious feeling that she's addressing you directly. “Yeah sorry, if you didn't lock him up in your house for so long we wouldn't be so thirsty for some action till we decided to do it in school” Yujin selflessly decides to take the aggro off of you.

“I lock him up? He deserves to stay in his home with me” Well none of the two has brought up the fact that you're two timing them yet. “Who are you to keep him like that? I'm his girlfriend, you're just an old hag who tries to act like he's your son because the truth is nobody wants you” That was rude, however Eunbi doesn't really listen past the first part.

“You're his girlfriend? He broke with you already” Well let's not act like this isn't expected. Yunjin just frowned at hearing it, ready to yell back at Eunbi. “Can we just-”, You tried to cool them down but Eunbi already lost her cool. 

“HE'S MINE, HE'S MINE AND MINE ALONE. YOU FUCKING WHORE”

With incredible speed she lunges at Yujin, one of her hands is holding a cutter. You can stop her, you can jump right now and grab that hand. 

“DIE”, Yet in the end, you didn't stop her. You just sat there and watched as Eunbi sank her cutter into Yujin's neck with so much power it broke the blade. She doesn't stop there, she swings her cutter again and continues stabbing Yujin's neck. The latter doesn't even get to let out a scream of help as her body falls down to the ground.

Yunjin desperately tries to stop Eunbi with her hands, however her blood is pouring out at an alarming rate, and so does her consciousness. Her hands fall to the ground as her eyes are staring at Eunbi with horror. She glances at you, hoping that you would help her. Yet all she found was a cold pair of eyes staring at her with no emotions. Your lips curled up a little, it wasn't intentional, you just subconsciously find Eunbi's madness to be entertaining. As her life is slipping away, there's only one thing lingering in Yujin's mind.

Fucking maniac

Despite Yujin being undoubtedly dead, Eunbi still continuously stabs the lifeless body while her mouth keeps muttering some words you can't hear clearly. “This is gonna be a mess”, Finally you make a move, standing up and grab Eunbi's head from the side. “Baby, baby come here” Eunbi grabs onto your leg and hugs it, her face is stained by blood stains as she looks up to you. Her eyes are filled with nothing, as if it was a void that's staring back at you.

“She's gone baby, no more distraction okay? It's just you and me from now on. Don't you ever leave me again okay? It's just you and me now, now and forever”

You silently watch as Eunbi is hugging your leg tightly, her breath slowly starts to calm down as her mind slowly takes in the situation she's in. A laugh involuntarily escapes your mouth, “Right, just you and me baby. Now and forever”

[malcriada]

for people claiming every gfm by Palestinian people is a scam because the organizer is listed as outside of Palestine:

GFM does not operate in Palestine. there is no option for any organizer to choose „Gaza“ as their location for example.

And for GFM fundraisers to actually work, someone from *outside* Palestine must organize the funds and send them to the affected families.

And yes, that’s why you’ll see organizers from let‘s say, Belgium or other places. In a lot of cases, these are either relatives or people living abroad that have decided to help.

Finding a GFM organizer is not easy oftentimes, so you will see multiple fundraisers being organized by the same person. I myself have been looking for a GFM organizer for a friend of mine in Palestine and have been unsuccessful so far.

Having the location of the organizer listed as being outside Palestine does not mean they are a scam. This is due to the nature of how GFM works.

Unfortunately, many Palestinian families will just list themselves as living outside Gaza and then when they try to transfer the funds to themselves, their campaign gets frozen or outright deleted. This is because the currency on their bank account will not match the currency that is being shown on their fundraiser (so, for example someone saying they are from Germany and having € as their currency but they are actually living in Palestine, not having € as their currency obviously).

This is not to say the Palestinian families are at fault, some of them may 1.) not know about it because GFM’s rules are written in English and they are also not easy to find or 2.) simply have no other choice because, like i said, finding someone to organize a campaign for you is hard and takes time!

GFM has a lot of complicated rules, that are especially harsh when applied to Palestinian families.

I will link to this interesting video about how GFM operates. I feel like many people have no idea how it works but choose instead to be mistrustful of Palestinians as their first instinct.

I hope this will be educational for you.

[mangosrar]

call it closure

chris sturniolo x fem reader.

long asf. smut. filth. sexy chris 😛😛😛

your relationship with chris had always been complicated, a will they wont they sort of thing. you both loved eachother, that was obvious, yes you were his, but he wasnt yours.

you both decided friends with benefits would be the best option. well for him. part of you agreed just so you could play pretend, trick yourself into thinking you had him, and you knew nothing lasted forever, but he fooled you for a while.

everyone knew chris had major commitment issues, but you just didnt understand. he treated you like the only girl ever behind closed doors, but the second anyone else was around, he would drop your hand.

you thought this would be fine, you had him, you had him to yourself and that was all that mattered. until you realised you didnt. he had you eating out the palm of his hand on complete puppet strings. he said jump and you asked how high. you had fallen down a dangerous rabbit hole, and the only way to escape was to drive a knife straight through the heart of whatever it was you and chris had.

flashback.

the house was the quietest youve ever heard it. matt and nick were out so chris had invited you over to smoke with him but you were pretty sure he had over done it because he had gone completely none verbal and just started staring at the wall. he was slouched down on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table and his hands in his lap. you were too, slouched down on the couch with your knees up. he took a deep breath in before breaking the silence.

"do you think were soulmates in every universe?" he said. not moving his eyes from the spot on the wall. you could have cried right there and then, feeling a deep aching pain bloom in your chest from his words. you hated how he was so absentmindedly killing you.

there was an abundant pause and a thick tension gathered in the air, you wondered if chris could feel it too.

"are we even soulmates in this one?" your voice was so quiet and soft you weren’t sure he even heard you, until he let out a frustrated sigh before bringing a hand up to his face and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"come on y/n dont start this shit now" his voice was harsh. he kept his eyes closed waiting for you to drop it, like you did every time, but you werent sure how much longer you could carry on like this.

"what chris? im being serious, i dont even know what this is anymore, you treat me like im everything one minute and then act like you couldnt care less is i fucking live or die the next!" you let your feet fall and land on the floor as you sat up and turned to face him.

"you know thats not true" he took his hand off of his face and let it rest in the air. his eyes still closed.

"do i?" your voice was quiet and broken. this was draining. the heavy presence of the fact he wasnt truly yours was sucking the life out of you. he opened his eyes and looked at you.

"we both agreed to do this y/n you cant put all of this on me" he sat up and rested his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands together and staring at you intensely.

there was a pregnant pause, he was waiting for you to defend yourself, or at least try to argue his point, but you couldnt, he was right, to a certain degree. yes you had both agreed to friends with benefits but you hadnt agreed to being hopelessly in love with someone who only reciprocated those feelings in the dark.

you dropped yours eyes, tearing them away from his and letting them linger on his hands before taking a deep breath in.

"i cant carry on like this, its killing me." he tried to cut you off momentarily but you held a hand up, stopping him. "i wont beg for you to love me anymore chris, because i know that somewhere deep down you really do". he said nothing as he stared at you. he was completely speechless. he felt that pain, just like you did, deep in his bones. you searched his eyes for something, anything, a sign that you were lying and just embarrassing yourself, a sign that told you he wasnt at all affected by this, any sense of doubt. you found nothing.

and with that, you left. you got up and walked out of that house, leaving chris to sit there and regret every singe life decision that had got him to this point, but he didnt come after you, he didnt try to stop you, he didnt try to change your mind and thats what stung the most.

end of flashback.

"im going to pack the car so everyone bring your bags down!" chris shouted from the bottom of the stairs.

you pulled the zipper closed on the bag before taking your phone off the bed and making your way downstairs, nick following close behind you. you didnt even look up at chris. you couldnt, you wanted to take complete advantage of the short amount of time you had left to distance yourself from him as much as possible.

it had been about 3 months since you walked out on chris, you hadnt spoke at all, he hadnt tried and neither had you, both of you just accepting fate and trying to move on, but considering the fact his two brothers were your best friends and you practically lived at their house with how much you were over, it was proving to be quite the challenge.

you just politely dropped your bag at his feet and scurried off into the kitchen, bumping into matt.

"you want me to drive the first or second half?" you asked. considering you were the only two that could drive, you insisted you would split it.

"i dont mind but, you sure you wanna have to sit next to chris for that long?" he lowered his voice slightly, his eyes darting to chris who was grabbing all the bags behind you, as his face scrunched up slightly. you glanced over your shoulder at him briefly before crossing your arms over your chest and shrugging.

"its okay, he wont talk to me anyways" you let out a pathetic laugh through your nose, trying to make the situation a little light hearted and a lot less embarrassing. matt obviously picked up on this but was kind enough to ignore it.

"ill do the first half, he will probably fall asleep by the time we swap anyway" he patted your shoulder and you nodded as he made a bee line for the front door.

matt and nick were probably the worst part of this whole situation. they were stuck smack bang in the middle of this pandemonium. of course they both knew what had happened but they gave you the courtesy of separating you and chris with you and them and decided to move past it. you and chris were both aware of how awkward it was for them, and thankfully, he was mature enough to not kick up a big fuss every time you were around. you hadnt spoken at all since that night, only the odd flash of a smile sent each others way when you crossed paths and that was rare, so when nick invited you on their weekend get away to a cabin in the middle of no where with them, you were obviously delighted.

the drive was excruciating. if it wasnt matt and nick arguing it was chriss shitty trap music playing or the gps redirecting you. while you were driving up front chris hadnt even spared you a glance, he didnt utter a single word to you the whole time.

part of you was grateful but another part of you wished he would have, selfishly, so you could just get over it and enjoy your weekend, but nothing was enjoyable anymore as long as chris was around.

"i call the double bed" chris yelled, running through the house.

"y/n theres a room with two singles, wanna bunk with me?" nick asked, slipping his backpack off of his shoulders.

"sure" you nodded, before making your way to the room, setting your bag down and plopping on the bed with a huff, matt trailed in behind you, with your suitcase.

"come on grouchy pants, were gonna have funnnn" he said swatting your leg that was dangling off the edge of the bed.

"i need at least 3-5 business days to recover from being within a 1 mile radius of chris for longer than 30 seconds" you let out a breath as you looked over to matt who was leaning on the door frame with his arms folded over his chest.

"that bad?" he raised his eyebrows in question.

"that bad" you replied flatley. matt just chuckled and motioned for you to follow him downstairs. you huffed and sat up before stomping down the hall after him.

in all fairness, it hadnt been that bad. the 4 of you had eaten, laughed played games and just had fun, regardless of the hanging tension wedged between you and chris. it was now 11:30 and everyone was asleep, but your mind just couldnt switch off, tossing and turning, checking the clock every 5 minutes. you huffed and looked over at nick who was out like a light. hot tub it is.

"i dont know madi, it just hurts" you spoke.

"has he even tried to talk to you?" she spoke over the phone.

"not one single word, and the thing is i dont know if i wanna strangle him or just kiss his fucking face off" you huffed, readjusting your arms so they were resting on the edge of the hot tub with your phone in your hands, the rest of your body being engulfed by the warm blanket of water.

"im worried my advice is gonna get you in trouble" she laughed, making you blow out a huff of air through your nose.

"it doesnt matter, i cant bring myself to do either" you and madi spoke for a little while longer beofre you wrapped the call up, put your phone on the ground and let your body sink lower into the steaming water until it was resting on your collar bones.

you sighed and let your head fall back, this is what you needed, a relaxing moment, the quiet calm of the night lulling your brain into a state of tranquillity, no matt and nick arguing, no chr-

"cant sleep?" you almost had a heart attack, your body jolted forward as your eyes darted around searching for the body that owned the voice.

"jesus, chris you scared the life out of me, how long have you been sitting there?" your hand rested on your chest, feeling the rapid beat of your heart from being startled. he just stared at you with drooped eyes from his position on the patio chair, opposite the hot tub.

"long enough" he said. his face didnt show any sign of emotion. his stoic expression sending an un willing chill up your spine, despite the warmth of the chlorine filled bubbles around you. chris leaned forward and you swallowed thickly.

"did you mean what you said?" his voice was alot softer and quieter than before, like he was worried you would break at the slight tone of his voice. you couldnt bring your self to look back up at him, he would eat you alive. you paused momentarily, weighing out your options of whether you even wanted to entertain this conversation with him or just cut him dead.

there was no way in hell that you were letting yourself fall back down this slippery slope again, so just like before, you abruptly got up and out of the hot tub, reached for your towel and made your way back inside, without sparing him a glance, keeping your eyes trained to the floor, leaving chris once again, to watch you walk away from him, and all the same, he didnt try to stop you.

"nick open the fucking door!" you whispered loudly. no reply.

resting your forehead against the door, you mentally cursed yourself for even going in the hot tub. you should have stayed in bed and this whole situation would be avoided, chris too. speak of the devil and he shall appear.

"what are you doing?" he stood just beside you with a questioning look on his face.

you huffed, pulling your head back and looking up at him.

"nick locked the door" you sounded so defeated it made his heart beat a little harder in his chest.

"you can come sleep with me, ill take the floor i dont mind" he motioned his head towards his designated bedroom while keeping his eyes trained to yours.

you dropped your head and sighed. how was this happening. you had spent months walking on egg shells, doing everything in your power to stay as far away from him as you could, and now you were forcing him out of his bed so you could sleep there.

he stared at you waiting for your answer. he knew you had no other option, you couldnt sleep on the couch with matt and you were also stood in a wet bikini and a wet towel. be realistic y/n.

"sure, okay" you looked up at him, and his eyes gained a fraction of hope momentarily, before he nodded and started leading you to his room. this was going to be a long night.

"um, i dont.." you paused and cleared your throat. "i dont have anything to wear" chris looked up at you from his position on the bed before his eyes trailed over your body, stood in a towel in the bathroom doorway shifting on your feet, looking like a nervous little girl.

you cleared your throat again, snapping chris out of whatever trance he had gotten into. he stood up and walked over to the dresser at the end of the bed, pulling out one of his t-shirts and a pair of boxers, before padding over to you and handing them over.

"thanks" you smiled.

"no problem" he replied, watching you turn back into the bathroom, slamming the door in his face and leaning against it, you werent sure if this was going to work, your left control was wearing thin.

how had it ended up like this? you tried so hard to have some composure but you couldnt help it, he was shirtless, clad in grey sweatpants hanging dangerously low on his hips, basically inviting you to jump straight on him.

his lips trailed down your neck as his hands ran up your sides, relishing in the feeling of your skin against his after 3 months of complete torture without it.

he brought his lips back up to meet your in a hot and heavy kiss, tongues dancing together, teeth clashing, the works. frantic hands gripping his hair relentlessly, pulling groans from his mouth.

chris brought his hands to the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head and separating the kiss, before diving back in and sucking purple marks into your neck and collarbones, earning breathy whines from you.

there was a moment of hesitation from you as he trailed his hands lower fiddling with the waistband of his boxers that you were wearing.

"chris wait" he halted his movements and brought his face up to yours. god he was making this so hard. he was breathing heavy and his hair was messy from your curious hands, his chain dangling between the two of you.

"we shouldnt be doing this" you shook your head, eyes wide.

"why y/n?" he asked breathlessly.

"because chris" you whined. he knew exactly why. all your hard work of keeping your distance from him had just been thrown into a sweltering ball of gasoline and chris had completely set it alight.

"call it closure" he whispered. he could see the inner turmoil you were facing. you knew you were about to give in, and judging by the smirk growing on his face, so did he.

you pulled his face down to yours again and he hummed into the kiss, the feeling of your lips on his being something no drug could ever amount to.

he continues his trail down your body, leaving wet hot kisses in his trail, keeping his eyes glued to yours. he was dragging this out, savouring the blaze of your touch.

"chris please" you whined.

"what baby? tell me what you want" he spoke in-between leaving kisses on your stomach and thighs.

"just fuck me" that was all he needed to hear before he was yanking your shorts down and doing the same with his own pants and boxers. he was on his knees between your legs, pumping his cock in his hand, eyes wondering over your frame hungrily.

"so pretty" he muttered before brining his lips to yours again and pushing his cock into you, giving you no time to adjust to his size before he was pulling all the way out and slamming back in over and over again. you were already a mess underneath him, mewling and moaning like you would never get the chance again.

"missed you so much baby, so fucking much" chris grunted in-between thrusts before peppering light kisses down the side of your face and neck. you just whined at his words.

his pace was relentless and your hands flew to his back, dragging your nails down his skin, pulling a low "fuck" from chriss lips.

"so good to me y/n, cant believe i ever fucking let you go" he said as he stilled his thrusts and pulled back, sitting on his knees and lifting your legs up to rest on his shoulders, and continuing his thrusts.

you let out a lewd moan at the new angle, hands gripping the bed sheets as chris arms wrapped around your thighs, drilling his cock into you so deep, hitting that spot inside that made you see stars.

"oh fuck chris dont stop" you mewled, letting your head fall back.

his pace became impossibly faster, every single thrust knocking the air out of your lungs.

you were pulsating around him, your high getting closer and closer. chris dropped your legs and doubled over, shoving his head into the crook of your neck with a deep groan.

"fuck y/n i can feel you squeezing me" his words were strangled and breathless. he brought his lips to yours once again but the pleasure was so good and you were so close you couldnt keep up with him, chris noticed this and smirked against your mouth.

"come on sweet girl, give it to me, come all over my cock" he said as he brought his thumb down to rub hard, fast circles over your puffy clit making your back arch even further off the bed.

you let out a strangled moan of his name before being launched into a pool of complete, white ecstasy, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. his thrusts did not falter as he sat up watching you ride out your orgasm with hooded eyes.

“you look so pretty like this ma”

he wasnt far behind, his hips stuttered before he let out a loud whine, followed by a hiss and a string of curses, painting your insides white, sending a few more thrusts, filling you to the brim, before collapsing on top of you.

the two of you were sweating and panting, both completely silent, just relishing in the feeling of the post sex haze. your hands come up to his hair and you ran your fingers through it soothingly.

he planted a soft kiss to your collarbone before bringing his face up so he was eye level with you. his eyes trailed over your face, creating a memory and he took a deep breath in before speaking.

"i do love you”.

_______________________________________________

YALL😛😛😛😛

sorry for starving you guys i’ve just been mad busy but i’m back !!!! love u. bee ❤️‍🩹

taglist: @christinarowie332 @biimpanicking @chrisenthusiast @urmyslxt @soursturniolo @kitaysworld @kvtie444 @mattslolita @flowerxbunnie @lovingsturniolo @its-jennarose @ermdontmindthisaccount @secret-sturniolo @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @justaslvttygirl @urfavstromboli @chrisfavoritepepsi @kenleighsbl0g @udonotknowme

[emiko-matsui]

Okay, I just need to get something out of the way when it comes to the Kipperlilly conversation nobody's brought up yet, which I think is insane. Almost all of The Bad Kids would be more powerful if they didn't have their tragedy porn tragic backstories.

First of all, this doesn't apply to Fig and Gorgug because if Fig wasn't Gorthalax's child she would be a lot like Kipperlilly and not the ruler of hell. I wouldn't say Gorgug has a tragic backstory, he's got a pretty normal growing up experience with ups and downs.

Let's start with her #1 nemesis, Riz Gukgak. She's so jealous that his dad was murdered and that gives him an advantage in the adventuring life. To be crude, no, it doesn't. What would give Riz an advantage in the adventuring life would be living with someone who has a direct contact to all the government's inner workings and conspiracies. Now that would be an advantage. That gives you connections and clues that no one else can get. This is not what happened. What happened was eating cereal with water for breakfast, what happened was not getting an opportunity at college, what happened was a 9 year old who stopped sleeping, what happened was not your secret agent dad giving you an advantage in the school conspiracy because he's dead. Otherwise he fucking would've.

And now Kipperlilly's new #1 nemesis, Kristen Applebees. She was ostracised from her religion for her sexuality, she achieved sainthood, and raised a dead god back to life. None of this would've happened if she hadn't been raised in The Harvestmen. No, it wouldn't, but what would have happened if Kristen had been straight? Disgusting thought, yes, I know, but let's talk about it. A Kristen who never left Helio behind would have so many more fucking advantages than the one with Cassandra has. If she had followed her birthright she would be the only chosen one of one of the world's most powerful gods. Sol is the biggest god in Spyre and Helio is his son. Helio does not have a chosen one anymore because Kristen left. It's not a title that's just given out, it could only have been Kristen. You know what's an advantage? Being the chosen one of one of the world's most powerful gods, being a god's spoken favourite, and deified by all of that god's followers. Now that would be an unfair advantage. You know what's not an advantage? Being homeless at 14 and being at the mercy of your ex-girlfriend's uncle for housing, dying and having absolutely no one there for you so you're only option to survive is to trust your own abilities enough to raise yourself from the dead, and failing school because of biased teachers.

And what of Adaine Abernant? The Elven Oracle? Her tragedy porn tragic backstory is surviving an abusive home. Now I just have to imagine that Adaine would have it a lot easier than most students, an incredible amount of unfair advantages, if her old money parents paid for every wizard whim she wanted, kept her diplomatic immunity so she could do literally anything she wanted without consequences, and gave her a direct contact into the heart of the Fallinell government. Now that is what I would call an insane amount of unfair advantage. I would be furious at this rich kid who's never had to work for anything myself. This is not even close to the case. She's barely passing classes because she can't afford the material you're required, she goes to the guidance counsellor for panic attacks, and she's being hunted by her home government. I'd say that's about every single thing in her life working against her having it easy.

Fabian Aramais Seacaster. He's complicated since he is very privileged already. He gets 5000 gold a month just for existing. He's the captain of the Owlbears because he killed the previous one. He lives alone in a mansion. Yeah, that's pretty privileged. His parents are also so severely fucked up that if they hadn't been filthy rich they would've been absolutely horrible for him. If he had parents who unconditionally supported him and stayed with him through everything, then we could talk about perhaps the most powerful person in Elmville. In Solace possibly. The most feared pirate in history who single-handedly dismantled a monarchy and fights against armies on his own is at your beck and call, does whatever you ask him to, and loves you more than anything. The greatest swordswoman in the world, that bested the most feared pirate in the world, the daughter of one of the most influential elven families and immortal will do anything you ask her, loves you to bits, and would cheat any rules for you. To have that would just be insane. You can argue that Fabian already has unfair advantages because of his social status and inheritance. This is true, but this is also true within his own adventuring party. Now his parents aren't helping him with anything and are determined that he reach his legendary status on his own. Otherwise talk about a fucking advantage.

All this to say is that if Kipperlilly got all of The Bad Kids tragedy porn like she wanted she wouldn't have been better, but she would've made them better. There is an adventuring party out there in the multiverse that has a secret agent at their disposal, the only chosen one of a Sol religion, Bill Seacaster and Hallariel Lomenelda unprompted in their corner, and a seer with unending resources and diplomatic immunity. These would've been people you start a platform about adventuring not being fair for everyone because of. The people you went against was a homeless kid, a kid with an anxiety disorder, a trust fund kid, and someone with PTSD.

I've seen your posts about Kipperlilly being wrong for her validation, but right in the fact that The Bad Kids have been given larger plots and mysteries because of their families and circumstances and I don’t want to fucking see another one. When you make that I want you to think about the adventuring party they would've been without their backstories. The insanely powerful and privileged adventuring party that almost happened. Their life got made worse, not easier because their life could have been so fucking easy. Kipperlilly can take all the tragedy porn she wants and then maybe realise that that's not what makes the adventurer. That the reason she's mad at The Bad Kids is the only reason she can even tangentially compete with them.

[itneverendshere]

you said i have to trust more freely - r.c series (four)

requested here; (one); (two); three

pairing: rafe x pogue!reader(the duff inspired) word count: 5k

Why did it feel like his stomach dropped out his ass when Nate showed up? 

It wasn’t like he actually expected you to choose him over Nate. The guy was practically perfect—your textbook version of what a guy should be. Clean, nice, predictable. The opposite of him.

But watching you hesitate like you were weighing your options right in front of him? That hurt like a bitch and he hated how much it did.

He couldn’t shake that look in your eyes.

Like you weren’t sure what you wanted anymore. While every time you were around, he didn’t know what the hell he was doing. It’d been like that since the beginning, even back at that party when you tossed your drink in his face after he called you that stupid fucking name. He could still remember the way you glared at him, cheeks flushed and eyes blazing. He’d been a cocky little shit, sure, but that fire in you? It hooked him.

Yeah, he liked messing with you. Always had. But lately, it didn’t feel like just messing around anymore. It felt different. It felt like he was doing it because he didn’t know how else to get close to you.

And now Nate was here, acting like he had some claim. Offering you lunch like it was some kind of test. Rafe should’ve laughed it off. Should’ve let you go. But instead, he was standing there, watching the whole thing go down, and all he wanted to do was grab you by the hand and pull you out of there. Away from Nate. 

Away from all this... bullshit. There he was, full-on spiraling because of a girl. Because of you.

He knew he was developing feelings, had been knowing, which terrified him because it was unfamiliar territory—he was used to being in control and suppressing emotions, not feeling vulnerable or emotionally attached.

Because maybe, just maybe, he didn’t want to be the guy you rolled your eyes at anymore. Maybe he was done playing the part of the asshole who didn’t give a fuck. 

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Rafe walked faster, trying to shake off the feeling. But he knew. It was the way you laughed when you were around him, even when you were annoyed. The way you always gave as good as you got. The way you’d looked at him today—like maybe, just maybe, you weren’t as immune to him as you tried to be.

You were off having lunch with Nate.

The safe choice. And if there was one thing Rafe Cameron wasn’t? It was safe. And maybe, deep down, he hoped that was the reason you wouldn’t be able to walk away from him for good.

He kept walking, his footsteps loud in his head, like each step was trying to drown out the voice that was screaming at him to turn around. To go back and say something. Anything. But he didn’t. He wasn’t that guy. Not the one to chase after someone, to make a big scene. No, he was the one who sat back, arms crossed, and watched the whole thing play out like it didn’t bother him. Like it wasn’t tearing him up inside.

Rafe realized he was pissed. Not at Nate. The guy was just playing his part. But at you. No, not really at you either. He was pissed at himself. For letting things get this complicated. For letting you get under his skin the way you had.

It wasn’t like you were his. It wasn’t like he had any right to be jealous.

But damn, the way Nate had just swooped in like it was nothing, like it was so obvious you’d say yes to him. The dude barely had to try, and there you were, actually considering it. Maybe you even wanted him to. He stopped walking, running a hand through his hair, trying to clear his head. 

Screw this. He needed to get out of here, away from the whole situation. Maybe blow off some steam, hit the gym, or go for a drive. But the thought of you sitting there with Nate, laughing, maybe even flirting—it was enough to make his jaw clench.

What if you were actually into that guy? What if all this back-and-forth with him was just... nothing to you? Some game you were playing because you liked the attention, but when it came down to it, you’d always pick someone like Nate?

If you picked Nate, fine. But if there was even a part of you that was feeling the same thing he was—if there was even a chance you weren’t as over him as you pretended to be? He wasn’t going to let you walk away that easily.

Not without a fight.

Rafe dug his phone out of his pocket, stared at the screen for a second. He could text you. Could hit you with some sarcastic line, ask how lunch with Captain America was going, but it felt... small. Petty. And, honestly, he didn’t want to come off as that guy—the jealous, insecure type. But not doing anything felt worse, like he was just letting things slip through his fingers.

He leaned against a nearby fence, staring off into the distance. Part of him was waiting for some kind of sign. Like maybe you’d ditch Nate and text him instead. Maybe you’d realize that this whole thing with Nate was boring, that you needed something more. 

Or maybe you wouldn’t. Maybe you’d laugh and smile at Nate’s predictable jokes, and that’d be it. You’d pick the guy, the one your friends would probably approve of. The one who didn’t make you feel like you were on a rollercoaster every time you were around him.

Rafe kicked the fence post. He hated this. Hated feeling out of control, like someone else was calling the shots. Like you were making choices that didn’t involve him.

And yet, there he was. Waiting.

He was about two seconds away from hurling his phone into the bushes when it buzzed in his hand. His heart actually stopped for a second. No way. There was no way.

He glanced at the screen, and there it was—your name, lighting up his phone.

Every instinct told him to play it cool. Let it ring a few times, don’t seem desperate. But his hand moved on its own, thumb swiping across the screen before he could stop it. He brought the phone up to his ear, heart hammering in his chest, trying to sound normal.

“Yeah?” he said, trying to keep his voice steady, like he wasn’t dying inside.

And just like that, everything else—Nate, the frustration, the whole stupid back-and-forth—faded into the background. Because right now, you were calling him.

⁀➷ೃ⁀➷ೃ⁀➷ೃ⁀➷⁀➷ೃ⁀➷ೃ⁀➷ೃ⁀➷⁀➷ೃ⁀➷ೃ⁀➷ೃ⁀➷⁀➷ೃ

Lunch with Nate was proving to be exactly what you expected: normal. easy. boring.

He talked about his classes, his weekend plans, asked you a couple of questions about your own. And you answered, smiling, nodding, doing all the things you were supposed to do. But your mind? It was somewhere else entirely.

It was with Rafe. With the way he looked at you before he left, like he was daring you to stop him. Like maybe he wanted you to say something, anything, to keep him from walking out. And as much as you tried to ignore it, that little flutter in your chest hadn’t gone away.

“So, how’s studying going?” Nate asked, pulling you back to the conversation.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, it’s fine. Just... a lot,” you mumbled, forcing a smile.

Nate raised an eyebrow, clearly picking up on the fact that you weren’t all there. “You sure? You seem a little distracted.”

You hesitated, your mind flashing back to Rafe. To the way he’d been so close to you during your study session, leaning in like he had every intention of pushing your buttons. But it wasn’t just that. It was the way he’d talked about the bonfire, about seeing you as more than just someone to mess with. And for the first time, it felt like maybe Rafe wasn’t just a flirt. Maybe he was actually trying to tell you something.

“I’m fine,” you lied, stabbing at your sandwich with way too much enthusiasm.

But you weren’t fine. Not even close.

You knew why. Sitting here with Nate, everything felt... off. It was like you were trying to make this picture-perfect version of your life fit, but the edges weren’t lining up. You were supposed to want this—supposed to be happy that the guy you’d been into for months was finally showing interest. But instead, all you could think about was Rafe. About the way your heart had sped up when he looked at you, the way his voice dropped when he was being serious, when he wasn’t hiding behind that smirk.

God, why couldn’t you stop thinking about him?

Nate cleared his throat, snapping you out of it again. “You sure you’re good? You’ve been pretty quiet.”

You bit your lip, nodding, but it was like the words were stuck in your throat. “Yeah. Just... got a lot on my mind, I guess.”

Like how you might’ve just let Rafe walk away.

Nate didn’t push it, and part of you was relieved. The other part? It was screaming at you to stop pretending. To be honest, at least with yourself. Because the truth was, as much as you wanted to want Nate, you couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe, just maybe, Rafe was the one you should’ve been sitting with right now.

And that scared you. Because choosing Rafe meant choosing chaos. It meant diving headfirst into something that had no guarantees, something that could blow up in your face. But it also meant feeling alive. Because with him, everything was more intense. More real.

As you and Nate left the sandwich shop, walking back to campus, you couldn’t help but glance around, half-expecting to see Rafe somewhere. But he wasn’t there. He was gone, and now you were stuck wondering if maybe you’d just made a huge mistake.

Nate smiled, oblivious to the storm inside your head. “So, you wanna do this again sometime?”

Your heart sank a little at the question. Because the answer should’ve been a yes, no hesitation. But instead, all you could think about was Rafe. About how you wished you were with him, laughing, arguing, feeling that electric tension that seemed to hang in the air whenever he was around.

You swallowed, forcing a smile. “Yeah, sure.”

But as the words left your mouth, you knew you were lying.

And Nate, being Nate, didn’t seem to notice. He was still smiling, probably thinking the lunch went fine, like everything was falling into place just the way he thought it should. But you? Your mind was miles away, stuck on other guy and the way he’d left without looking back.

You felt like you should say something to him, like you should be more present in the moment, but every time you opened your mouth, nothing came out. 

Did you really want Nate? Or had you just been chasing the idea of him this whole time because it was easy, because it was safe? Because he was the kind of guy you grew up thinking you should be with?

But then there was Rafe. And the more you tried to push him out of your head, the more he stayed there, taking up space, making everything with Nate feel... dull in comparison.

“So, I was thinking,” Nate said, breaking the silence, “Maybe we could check out that movie this weekend? You know, the one you mentioned a while back?”

His voice pulled you out of your thoughts, and you blinked, trying to focus. “Oh. Yeah, maybe.”

But the truth was, you didn’t care about the movie. You didn’t care about any of it right now.

“Hey, you okay?” Nate’s voice snapped you back again, his eyes narrowing in concern.

You plastered on a smile, nodding quickly. “Yeah, sorry. Just... distracted, I guess.”

 “Well, if you’re busy this weekend, we can always reschedule.”

“I’ll let you know,” you replied, hoping he wouldn’t push it any further.

Nate nodded, but you could tell he wasn’t convinced. And honestly?

Neither were you.

By the time you made it back to your dorm, you were mentally exhausted. Nate had left with a casual wave and a promise to text you later, but as soon as he was out of sight, you let out a long breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding.

You sat on the edge of your bed, staring at your phone like a fucking idiot. But no messages came in, no missed calls from Rafe or anyone else. It was just you, sitting there, replaying the whole afternoon in your head.

Why did everything feel so wrong with Nate? He was supposed to be the plan. He was supposed to be your choice. The easy, right choice.

Suddenly, your phone buzzed in your hand, pulling you out of your thoughts. Your heart jumped in your chest as you glanced down, half-expecting it to be Rafe. But it wasn’t. It was Nate, sending a follow-up text about the weekend plans.

You stared at the message for a long moment, your thumb hovering over the keyboard.

What were you doing? Why were you still holding onto this idea of Nate when your heart was clearly somewhere else? Somewhere messy, complicated, and... dangerous.

Before you could stop yourself, you closed out of Nate’s message and opened Rafe’s contact. Your thumb hovered over his name for a second before you hit "Call."

The phone rang once. Twice. Your heart pounded in your chest as the seconds dragged on. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe you should just hang up before he—

“Yeah?” Rafe’s voice came through the line, a little gruff but unmistakable.

You froze for a second, suddenly unsure of what to say. But then you took a deep breath. “Hey, uh... you busy?”

There was a pause, and you could almost hear the smirk in his voice. “What, finally realizing Nate’s not as fun as you thought?”

 “Something like that.”

There was a beat of silence, and you thought maybe he was going to tease you some more. But then his voice softened, just like it had earlier. “You wanna meet up?”

Your heart skipped a beat. “Yeah. I think I do.”

Another pause, and then: “Same spot?”

You knew exactly what he meant. The library, third floor, in the corner where you’d been studying. You nodded, even though he couldn’t see it. “Yeah. I’ll be there.”

“See you in a few.”

And just like that, the line went dead. What had you just done? 

You hung up, heart racing like you’d just agreed to do something you weren’t supposed to. But wasn’t that the whole point? This thing with Rafe—it was unpredictable, messy, and completely off-script. 

As you grabbed your jacket and headed out the door, you couldn't help but feel like you were crossing some kind of line. With Nate, things were clear-cut, easy. But with Rafe? It was like stepping into the unknown. You knew there was a chance this whole thing could blow up in your face, but for once, you didn’t care.

You wanted real. You wanted fire. And right now, that was Rafe.

As you walked to the library, the campus around you blurred, your thoughts spinning back to every moment you’d had with him. Every teasing comment, every cocky grin, every time he’d gotten under your skin without even trying. Maybe you had been pretending with Nate—pretending to want something you were never actually sure about.

But with Rafe? You weren’t pretending. Even when it terrified you.

When you reached the third floor of the library, it was quiet, almost too quiet. Your footsteps echoed as you made your way to the spot you both knew so well. And there he was, leaning back in his chair like he didn’t have a care in the world, like he wasn’t the reason you’d been tied up in knots all day.

You rolled your eyes and crossed the room, dropping into the chair across from him. “Don’t start,” you warned, though the edge in your voice was weaker than you wanted it to be.

Rafe’s grin widened. “What, can’t handle me being right for once?”

You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest. “Right about what? You being a total pain in my ass? Sure, I’ll give you that.”

He leaned forward, resting his chin on his hand like he was amused by your whole existence. “C’mon, you know why you’re here.”

“So,” you started, trying to act casual, like your heart wasn’t pounding out of your chest. “I guess lunch with Nate didn’t really do it for me.”

He raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth twitching up in amusement. “No shit. Figured as much.”

You rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t help the smile that crept up. “Why are you so smug about it?”

“Because,” he said, leaning forward, resting his elbows on the table, “I knew you’d come back.”

Your breath caught in your throat at how sure he sounded.

Of course he knew. That cocky, self-assured grin of his said it all. He’d been waiting for this moment—waiting for you to realize what he had probably known all along.

And damn if it didn’t piss you off.

You sat down across from him, trying to hold onto the last shreds of your resolve, but it was slipping. Fast. Because the way he was looking at you? Like he was daring you to admit what you were really feeling—it was messing with your head.

“So, what now?” you asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

Rafe crossed his arms, biceps bulging in his stupid polo, like he was giving you all the space in the world to figure it out. “That’s up to you.”

That’s the thing about him—he could act all indifferent, like he wasn’t bothered, but you could see it. There was something behind his eyes, just barely kept in check. And it wasn’t nothing. It wasn’t just some game to him. Not anymore.

But you weren’t ready to give him that satisfaction. Not yet. 

“What makes you so sure I’m not just here to tell you I’m picking Nate?”

That smirk faltered for just a second. “You’re not.”

You couldn’t be. 

“How do you know?”

“Because if you were, you wouldn’t have called me.”

The way he said it—so simple, so damn certain—made your heart skip. He was right, and you hated that he knew it. Hated that he had this pull on you that no one else ever had. But at the same time, you couldn’t deny the truth. Not when it was staring you in the face, wearing a smug expression and leaning back like he had all the time in the world.

“What if I did?” you shot back, still trying to hold your ground.

He shrugged, that infuriating grin never leaving his face. “Then I guess I’d have to live with that. But I’m not worried.”

Lies.

You narrowed your eyes at him, “You’re so damn cocky, you know that?”

“I’ve been told,” he said with a wink.

You wanted to roll your eyes again, to act like he wasn’t getting to you. But he was. And he knew it.

You rested your elbows on the table, your eyes meeting his. “And what if I told you I wasn’t sure? What if I told you I’m still figuring it out?”

He didn’t flinch. Didn’t move. Just kept his eyes locked on yours, like he was seeing right through the bullshit. “Then I’d tell you to take your time. Figure it out.”

The way he said it—so calm, so sure—made your stomach twist. He wasn’t asking you to pick him. He was daring you to. Because Rafe didn’t do half-measures. He didn’t do safe. He was all or nothing, and right now? He was putting it all on the table.

All you could think about was the way your heart was hammering in your chest, the way every part of you was screaming that this—this—was what you really wanted.

And that’s when it hit you: you weren’t scared of Rafe. You were scared of how much you wanted him.

“Rafe, I—” You stopped yourself, unsure of where you were even going with that.

His expression softened, just a fraction. “What? What do you want to say?”

You wanted to say everything. That you weren’t just messing with him anymore either, that you couldn’t stop thinking about him, that you were tired of pretending like Nate was some perfect choice when he wasn’t even in the same league. But saying all that? To someone who hurt you so much before?

He had that look, like he knew exactly what was going through your mind but was giving you space to figure it out on your own. But you weren’t sure. You weren’t sure if you were ready to say it out loud. Admitting how much Rafe meant to you felt like letting him win, like handing him all the power. And after everything, after all the back-and-forth, you didn’t want to be that vulnerable. Not with him.

“I know I’ve been an asshole,” he started, almost hesitant. “All those years, the shit I said—it wasn’t right. You didn’t deserve that. You don’t deserve that.”

Your breath caught in your throat. 

He ran a hand through his hair, like he was trying to figure out how to keep going. “I just... I don’t know. It was easier to push you away, to act like I didn’t give a fuck, you know? Like messing with you made it better somehow. But it didn’t.” He paused, his voice softening. “It made me feel like shit.”

You didn’t say anything. You couldn’t. You just sat there, staring at him, trying to process the fact that Rafe Cameron—Rafe—was apologizing.

He swallowed, looking down for a second before meeting your eyes again.

 “I know I’m a mess. Hell, I’ve always been a mess. And I get why you’d pick someone like Nate. The guy who won’t make you lose sleep wondering what the hell is going on.” He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “But the truth is, I fucked up. I’ve been fucking up since the beginning. With you, with us. And I hate that I did that." He pushed back slightly, running a hand over his face like he was frustrated with himself. “I’m not good with this... with feelings. With being upfront. But I’m trying, okay? I’m trying to figure it out. I don’t expect you to forgive me just like that or trust me after everything I’ve pulled. But I want you to know I’m not the same guy I was back then. It sounds fucking insane, but I’m not. I want to be better. For you. Because, fuck, I don’t want to lose you to some guy just because I couldn’t admit I was scared of this—of us.”

You bit your lip, not trusting yourself to speak just yet.

“And look, I know I’ve made it hard for you to believe me,” he said, his voice softer now, more honest than you’d ever heard him. “But you should know that you’re not just some game to me. Not anymore. You’re... everything I’ve been too afraid to want.”

The guy who spent years acting like nothing could touch him, like he was untouchable, was now sitting across from you, pouring his heart out. And you had no idea what to say.

Your mind was racing. It felt like everything you thought you knew about him, about what you were feeling, was suddenly flipped upside down. You'd always assumed Rafe would never be the guy who’d sit down and admit he was scared of something, especially not scared of you.

But here he was, looking like he was waiting for you to say something—anything.

What? What were you even supposed to say? That you forgave him? That you didn’t? That you were still figuring out how you felt about everything? You weren’t even sure yourself. But you did know one thing—whatever this was—it was real. 

You couldn’t deny that anymore.

“You don’t have to say anything. I just needed you to know that I’m not going to play around anymore. Not with you.”

Your heart clenched at that. And the thing was, you could see it in his eyes—he meant it. There was no teasing smirk, no cocky attitude. Just him. Raw and real and honest in a way that caught you completely off guard.

And suddenly, you realized that was what scared you the most. Not Rafe, but the way he made you feel. The way he pushed you to stop pretending, to be real, even when it terrified you.

You stared at him, feeling like your brain was short-circuiting. He was spilling his guts to you. It felt... unreal, and you were torn between wanting to laugh and maybe freak out a little.

All you could think was, How the hell am I supposed to handle this? This wasn’t what you were expecting. Not from him.

“So, what,” you started, leaning back a bit, trying to keep your voice casual, “you’re just, like, a totally different person now? Is this the part where you tell me you’ve been secretly going to therapy or something?”

Rafe’s lips twitched, but he didn’t fully smile. “No, not exactly,” he said, running a hand through his hair. “But... I’ve been trying to figure shit out. With myself. With us.”

With us. Your stomach did this stupid little flip at that, but you ignored it. “That’s a big statement, Cameron. You’ve had, like, two whole epiphanies and suddenly you’ve got everything figured out?”

He sighed, “I’m not saying I’ve got it all figured out, alright? I’m just trying to be honest for once. I’m done screwing around with you.”

His tone was sincere, and as much as you wanted to keep teasing him, the look in his eyes made your throat tighten a bit. You shifted in your seat, your mind running a million miles an hour.

“I mean, I guess that’s an improvement,” you muttered, keeping it light even though your heart was pounding.

Rafe raised an eyebrow. “You guess?”

“Well, yeah,” you said, crossing your arms and giving him a pointed look. “You were, let’s see, kind of a dick for a long time.”

He didn’t argue. “Yeah. I was.”

That caught you off guard. No defense, no excuses. Just... agreement. 

“Okay, so... what now?” you asked, trying to play it cool. “You apologize, and I just forget all the crap from before? You’re really not making this easy,” you said, trying to keep your tone light, but your voice betrayed you, sounding a little too soft.

Rafe shrugged, that little smirk threatening to return. “Didn’t think you wanted easy.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, trying to keep your composure. “You think you know me so well, huh?”

“Better than you think.”

Your heart raced. “Right, because I just love being confused and frustrated. It’s my favorite hobby.”

He chuckled, clearly enjoying this back-and-forth. “Well, you could always just admit that you’re intrigued. That might save us both some time.”

“Intrigued? Please. More like I’m questioning my life choices.”

Rafe leaned forward, “Hey, at least it’s not boring, right? I mean, look at us. This is way more interesting than whatever you were doing with Nate.”

You couldn’t argue with that. “True. But interesting doesn’t mean it’s not a total trainwreck waiting to happen.”

“Maybe,” he said, “But it could also mean something different.”

 “You’re really pulling out all the stops, huh?” you said, trying to lighten the mood again. “What’s next? A serenade?”

“Actually, I’m not a bad singer,” he quipped, flashing that trademark grin. “But I think I’ll spare you the performance for now.”

“Wow, I’m overwhelmed by the humility.”

He chuckled softly, “You love it. And you know it.”

There it was again—the way he said things like it was a fact, like he could read you better than you could read yourself. And the worst part? He wasn’t exactly wrong.

“You don’t know everything about me, Rafe,” you said, your voice quieter now, but not weak. 

His smile softened, just barely, like he heard what you weren’t saying out loud. 

“Maybe not everything. But enough to know you’re not here by accident.”

It was easier to blame the pull he had on you. But deep down, you knew it wasn’t just him. You were here because something between the two of you, no matter how messy, no matter how confusing, felt unfinished.

You crossed your arms, trying to gain some control of the situation. “You’re awfully confident for someone who doesn’t have all the answers.”

“Not all of them,” he agreed, leaning back in his chair again, “But I know enough to know I’m not letting you go without a fight.”

There it was. That line you didn’t know you were waiting for. The line that said this wasn’t just some flirty game for him anymore. That maybe he was as scared of losing you as you were of admitting how much you wanted him.

And in that moment, sitting across from him, with all his defenses down and no jokes left to deflect with, you realized something terrifying: you weren’t ready to walk away either.

“Well,” you said, your voice softer, “I guess we’ll see if you’re really up for it, won’t we?”

His eyes locked onto yours, something serious flickering there for a moment before he nodded. “Yeah. We will.”

[riansdiary]

IT'S NOT MANIFESTING, IT'S HAVING AND BEING NOW!

Hello my dearest gentle readers! 💎

Did you miss me? I am back with another epiphany! I had it last few weeks ago and it was when I realized that we f*cking over complicated the law of assumption too much. When I started manifesting with the help of Hyler's videos, there was no stress or worrying or over complication about it at least for me. That is because I knew that all I needed to do was assume that I have it now, there was not too much focus on the 3d because why would we identify with the old story?

Let me give you a simple analogy for this. It's just like changing batteries or having a new phone or erasing the board for a new lesson. When you need to change the batteries of your remote, you just put in the new ones (new story) and that's it. You forget and toss the old ones (old story) in the trash! That's how simple it is. There's no "why is it still not working?" or "what if it doesn't work?" when manifesting because that is being in the middle!

You're hanging in the balance and your subconscious is gonna be confused so go straight to the end. Manifesting is that simple. You either have it or you don't but you're not just pretending you have it either. You know you have it. I don't even like calling it manifesting that much because that implies a process or waiting time. It's just having it or being it now and not looking or identifying with the 3d or the old story.

You just choose a story and stick to it. Heck, I didn't even affirm that much before to manifest things. I wanted to make the two vaccines I'm getting to be completely painless, what did I do? I relaxed and affirmed only a few times and lived in the end. I didn't worry because I knew it was done. I wanted a specific food I'm craving? I affirmed a few times in the state of the wish fulfilled and forgot about it. Later on, I get the very thing I affirmed for. We must remember that the 3d follows us. Okay so what do you think will happen if you're saying stuff like "Where is it? I've been affirming for x amount of time!" or "I've been listening for so long to subliminals but there's no results!"

You are now reacting and you're pulling yourself back to the old story. There's no problem if you rant or cry it all out. We're human and we can do that but we keep staying in the new story. The problem is if we give up. The only thing that is stopping you from having it is exactly those thoughts about the 3d. That is keeping you in the old story. If you're really living in the end then why oh why do you spiral and think thoughts like that? If this ever happened to you, you can just go back to the new story. Reject and cancel your reaction. I reject negative thoughts or anything I don't want. Yes, you can do that. Do not forget that you are the operant power.

Let me tell you how to really do it in the easiest and simplest way possible. This is how I used to manifest effortlessly when I started learning about the law. Now I over consumed and yeah you know, took too much info when I already knew what worked for me even before. Now, I'm not saying that this is the only way or the best way to manifest. I'm just recommending this. What works for me might not work for you but that's okay. We all have our own special way.

Now without further ado, let me tell you how to do it. Try it for two weeks or however long or short you want. Just trust me and try this out.

1. Think of what you want to manifest. Anything you want. Go crazy.

2. Either pick an affirmation or multiple ones to say in your mind when you think of it. That's option A.

Option B: Rampage a.k.a just say whatever you think if you have that already. It's just naturally whatever comes to your mind about it that is in the past, present or future tense. You pick what you want but personally I like the present tense the best. Let me give you an example and yes, this is what I used to affirm for the things I mentioned above. Let me link the video I got this from!

Example 1: For my painless vaccines, these are the thoughts I had. All in the wish fulfilled state.

"Oh goodie the line's moving so fast now! The vaccines I'm getting are gonna be painless. Yup it was painless, it felt like an ant bit me. That was nothing! I literally finished so fast and I'm ready to go home with Mom!"

This is what I thought to make the lines go faster which honestly helped so much because the line was so long but it started moving faster and faster after I affirmed. I also thought in my favor about making the vaccine painless. I made sure to affirm that I won't have the side effects that people are talking about. I did it like that, very naturally but I also repeated each sentence at least just three or five times. It changes a bit as I think but it's just the same sentence simplified or just another form of it. Let me show you what I mean.

"I got the vaccine and it was painless. It didn't even hurt. I got the vaccine so fast and we can go home now. Oh the line's going faster. Why is the line suddenly moving so fast? Oh that was fast!"

Something like that! It's just like my natural way of thinking!

Option C: Just decide you have it and keep deciding whenever you think of it and know that your words are law. That means that when you decide, it is instantly done.

3. Always replace the old story with the new story. Take the old story and chuck it in the trash. It's in the past. You now have whatever it is that you want. That means whether you see it or not, think that it is done and it is here now. Yes, full on delulu mode but not really delulu because it's just being in that mindset of having it. That also means that you don't need to find it in the 3d. Why would you? That's the old story and it's trash. Do not even think about it. Aha, do not even try. You accept that it is here now and it is done. Remember that what you focus on stays in your reality. It is that easy. You don't want to be broke? Okay forget about that. It's in the past and it's not true anymore. Accept that you're rich now whether you see it or not. Have faith in the law of assumption. Acknowledge your desire to be in your reality now. Acknowledge that money you now have in your bank account. I acknowledged that croissant that I wanted. Yup I know the croissant is right in front of me now. Instead of finding your desire in the 3d, SPAWN THAT SH*T! MAGICALLY MANIFEST IT OUT OF THIN AIR. Um, excuse my french 🤭

4. All you need to do now is to know that it's done. RELAX. Why would you worry about it when you have it now? Be in the reality where you have it now. What would you think now that you have it? How would you feel? You'd feel relaxed and you can kick back and watch movies! Know that it is truly done. Would you count how many times you affirmed if you had it already? No. Would you worry about it if it's already here? No. That is still being stuck in the middle and making it a process! What would you do if it's already here? Do that. Do what makes you happy. Watch some Disney or Ghibli movies and just chill because you have it now whatever it is you desire. Let go of the 3d and the old story because it's in the past. Please. Manifesting doesn't really include the 3d. It's just a mere reflection of your thoughts or state. That's all it is. And please do not wait for it. There's no waiting. You just need to know and acknowledge that your desire is here, you have it now and it's done.

Here's a little summary of that:

1. What do you want? Okay you have it now. Congrats! 🎉

2. Affirm in whatever way you want for a few times or whenever you think of it.

3. Live in the end/state of the wish fulfilled. The old story is in the past. Focus on the new story. What you focus on sticks/stays in your reality.

4. Know it's done now. Do what makes you happy. Acknowledge your desire being here now.

Before I end this post, let's do a little fun exercise. Shall we proceed? Just a little extra thing!

Okay this is the situation: You were rich all your life. You've always lived a lavish life and you are spoiled with gifts on the daily. You literally can always afford and get the latest Iphone or whatever else you wanted. You have always gotten whatever the heck you want.

For the first two, it's gonna be an acting exercise. More like try being this character and embodying them.

First is improv acting. Be this character and rampage or naturally say lines that you think they would always be saying. Think Audrey Hope, Blair Waldorf, Nate Archibald or any rich spoiled characters you know!

Fun fact: Audrey is my fave character in the Gossip Girl reboot! She's so cute! My inspo when it comes to being classy and demure! Idk I also really like her personality! That's why I used her gifs!

Something like: "Oh I really want those compact mirror cameras! It's small so it's easy to put in my bag and it looks like makeup! It gives Totally Spies vibes so you know what... I'm gonna place my order now! I always have money anyway and it's so cheap so why not?"

The next thing is a line that you can say. I asked Chatgpt to make me a random rich character monologue. It's like a vaunt basically! Imagine it's Blair Waldorf's opening narration line. Be it, Embody it and say it in your mind like it's just normal for you. You can read it everyday if you want to!

"I always get what I want. That’s just how it works for me. I don’t even have to think about it—if I want something, it’s mine. No questions, no doubts. It’s like the world bends a little to make sure I have exactly what I need, when I need it. And why wouldn’t it? That’s just how my life goes.

I walk into any room, and I know I belong there. I don’t have to prove myself or explain why I deserve it. I just do. Everything I touch turns into something special. When I want something—whether it’s an invitation to the most exclusive event or a last-minute trip halfway around the world—I make a call, and it’s done. Effortless.

People think money changes things, but it’s not really about that. It’s about knowing that everything is always within reach. I don’t chase after things—I attract them. Opportunities, people, experiences—they all come to me naturally. It’s just how my life flows.

And the best part? I don’t even have to try. It’s just who I am. I live on my own terms, and the world just fits itself around that. Everything always works out for me."

Here's the next exercise. This is something more specific. This is inspired by one of Hyler's videos that I will link here.

Think of a thing you're manifesting right now and imagine it right in front of you. For people who can't visualize, find a picture of the thing (if possible) in Pinterest or Google and look at it as if it's in front of you.

If it was right here in front of you, what would you think, how would you feel and how would you act? This has helped me immensely after I watched Hyler's video. I realized that I would feel relaxed now that it's here and my thoughts would align with it being here now. I would take a deep breath and feel relieved.

Now I want you to do this for your desire. I want you to always ask yourself these questions to remind yourself that it's here now and it's done. Whatever is in the 3d is old news. What you focus on sticks so focus on only what you want. The 3d is not included in manifesting. It's just the effect while the 4d a.k.a your mind is the cause. Live in the reality where you have it now, live in the 4d and embody the version of you who already has it. Don't do things to manifest or get things. That will happen naturally but that should not be our focus. The basics are to assume/decide/know you have it now. If you have it now then why would you identify with the old story? Do not identify with the old story. You're not there anymore. It will just stay in your reality if you pay attention to it and give it power.

That's all I have for you in today's post but I know or at least I am now assuming that this will help everyone and make it easier for you! I hope you're having a good day or night!

Yours Truly,

Lady Rian Whistledown 💋

[frostyhelltime]

Alastor Realizes He Has Feelings For You Part 2

Alastor x GN!Reader

AN: I'm so happy so many people seem to like this so far! I hope you all enjoy this part 2! Now I'm gonna get back to working on my inbox. I'm loving the requests I'm seeing come in so feel free to keep sending them in! ❤️ And as I said in the preview I tend to write Alastor from more of a demisexual lenses since it's on the ace spectrum and I also largely consider myself demisexual if that helps to know for this.

Link to part 1 is right HERE.

Alastor is a planner. Always has been and likely always will be. He has different plans and scenarios for almost every occasion, and has backup plans for most any issue he could ever encounter. Suffice to say, it made him a terrible person to try and out maneuver. But it was especially difficult when you weren't even aware of the game of chess he was playing.

So he does what he does best, plan. It's easier to focus on the goal of ensnaring you instead of really analyzing his own complicated feelings. He starts small, not wanting to throw you off too harshly. It had to be subtle. He starts doing things that wouldn't…necessarily be odd, considering his personality, but they're still things he hasn't really done before. 

Such as pulling your chair out for you when you go to sit down. It's not too odd. A gentlemanly thing to do. But he can tell from the look on your face that you're struggling to remember if this is a new behavior or if he's always done it and you just never noticed.

He went out of his way to accompany you when possible, more so than usual. Especially if it was into a less desirable part of town. But still, nothing changes. It honestly vexes him because he doesn't even quite know how he fell for you, so he couldn't even attempt to replicate it to make you fall for him in turn. 

Perhaps subtle was the wrong way to go? Perhaps he should be a little more…forward? 

He again starts small, not wanting to startle you, but it seems it does regardless. In hindsight him reaching for you first instead of the other way around was certainly something novel and new, so it made sense it surprised you the first few times he placed his hand on the small of your back as you both walked, a gesture of affection, protection, and possession all at once.

He would almost wonder if he was doing something wrong if he hadn't seen that delightful little dusting of pink across your cheeks each time he does it.

It's then he realizes that due to his….general nature and lack of romantic relationships, that you're likely trying to justify all of his actions as extremely friendly rather than the subtle flirtations he meant them to be.

Which annoyed him until a hint of mischief crossed his face with a realization. If you thought he was just being extraordinarily friendly…he could perhaps be even…more bold without fully showing you his hand yet.

Yes, he could certainly have fun with that.

He's thinking later on that day about how he could torment you with his affections when he passes by the library and sees you struggling, quite poorly, to reach a book. 

His grin grows imperceptibly wider as he silently approaches behind you. He weighs his options on how he should go about it and eventually decides to lean over, until his lips are almost flush to your ear.

���Do you need any help mon cœur?” He almost purrs in your ear and he has to admit there is a certain thrill and exhilaration unlike what he's used to feeling, when you jump from how close his voice is. 

“A-Alastor! I…I didn't realize you were there.” You managed to squeak out as you felt his claws rest on the crook of your waist. The proximity, touch, and whispered voice is clearly a lot for you since he can see your blush has even spread to the tips of your ears. 

How cute. He wonders what other parts of you can so plainly show your feelings because of him? Ah but he's losing focus now.

“Oh, my apologies. How rude of me not to greet you! Hello there.” He hasn't moved his mouth an inch, his voice brushing against you like velvet as he speaks. As soon as he does actually greet you, one of his hands captures yours and brings it to his lips, and he's  able to hear the slight hitch in your breath as he does so. It's certainly a sound he's quickly become a fan of, that he wants to hear over and over again. He once again allows his mind to wander for just a moment on other ways he could have you make that sound for him. But then he's focused once more, his hand dropping yours and snatching the book you appeared to be reaching for with ease before leaning back down to whisper in your ear.

“Is this what you needed mon cœur?” He continues to drawl sweetly in your ear as he repeats the pet name that still manages to make you flush and fidget nervously despite not knowing what the hell he was even saying. He noticed the pet names seemed to make you feel some type of way when they were French, even though he's called you darling and dear and various other things in English more than a few times. But no matter. He doesn't really care about the reasoning behind it, just excited he has another tool in his arsenal to ensure you turn your gaze to him instead of some pathetic sinner that thought they had a chance with you. He can feel his ears flatten slightly in agitation at the mere thought, but thankfully you're unable to see in your current position so he gives nothing away.

He sees he isn't the only one to get lost in his thoughts, since you haven't responded yet, and he's oh so curious to know what is going on in that head of yours. But another time. For now he was making such progress, he feels.

His chuckle in your ear is dark and low, but warm like honey before his voice rings out again, laced with amused curiosity.

“Mon cœur?”

You snap to attention at that, as if just remembering he was even there.

“Y-Yep! That's the book! Thank you!” 

The little stutter was cute, he admits. Especially when he knows he caused it. But he thinks this is enough for now, to help lead your mind down less…platonic roads. The idea was to have you approach him, to maintain that illusion of control. Like you thought of it, and approached him and he'll pretend to entertain the idea before giving it a shot.

But it's fine you were taking a while to grow the courage. He was a very patient man, and the way he was clearly driving you up the wall with his back and forth actions was certainly entertaining enough in the meantime.

“Glad to be of service!” His normal radio host cadence was back again as he pulled away, his touch leaving you entirely, and he's sure it leaves a cold spot in his absence that he's sure you notice, since he can feel the same sharp contrast of the lack of warmth on him from where you're no longer touching.

He seems so cheerful and carefree that it almost makes you wonder if you had hallucinated this whole interaction. But by the time you spin around to talk to him, he's already gone. But even from the shadows he can see the way your flushed face and wide eyes search the room for him, hand over your heart as if you could will your heartbeat to slow. He's certain you must be feeling a sense of whiplash from the drastic change in demeanor and he watches as you lean back against the shelves, holding the book and shaking your head a moment.

“I feel like I'm going crazy…” He watched you mutter and it only made him smile more. So his actions were effective after all. You were just trying very hard to be respectful and polite to him since you knew his nature so well…an endearing gesture that just made him want to sink his claws even deeper into you. 

Knowing his actions affect you just emboldens him further. When you share coffee the next morning with him and the two of you chat, tucked away in whatever room seemed to strike your fancy that day, he notices you seem to be avoiding his eyes, your head tilted down.

He tuts a moment, putting his coffee down and using one claw to tilt your head upward to face him, using his other hand to brush your hair away from your face to stop obscuring his attempts to look at you.

“There we are. Much better.” He smiles brightly at you, even as he sees the crimson rush to your cheeks. He lets his hands linger a little longer than needed before he releases you and picks his coffee cup back up again, as if what he's done wasn't abnormal in the slightest.

“A-Alastor…?” He hears you ask tentatively, and he thinks his patience is finally going to pay off.

“Yes mon cœur?” He asks, tilting his head to the side in an innocent manner that is a laughable contrast to what you know of the radio demon's legacy and reputation.

“I..” He leans forward slightly, eager for your expected confession, his eyes drifting down to your throat as he watches you swallow thickly from nerves.

“...I…n-nevermind. I…forgot what I was going to say.” You eventually give up and his shoulders slump just the slightest bit in disappointment although his smile doesn't falter, although it is strained.

“...No worries. When it comes back to you, I've always got an open ear available for you.” He assures you, although inside he sighs. How can he make you crack? He wants to make you crack before he does, to maintain that illusion of control and so you don't realize the power you possess of how much he could give you if you only asked. He's thinking again, a peaceful quiet settled over the both of you as you each are lost in thought over your individual predicaments.

Perhaps…he could distract you from your date, maybe even ensure you miss it anyway, and perhaps see him in a less…platonic way at the same time. He could simply…take the place of this undeserving date of yours. 

“...You know…I had heard there was a new jazz club that had opened up recently, and I know no one else here has enough taste to appreciate the music appropriately so I wouldn't want to take any of them.” He uses his free hand to wave off the notion before you can even suggest it. 

“Perhaps I could take you with me? Perhaps I can show you how well I bet we could cut a rug together? It's been quite some time since I've gotten to enjoy a dance with a worthy partner.” He says, putting particular emphasis on the last word, eyes partially closing as he makes sure to look at you with a more seductive gaze to further entice you.

You always respond to his compliments so well, a nervous fidget, perhaps a bite of your lip as you think of how to respond, and of course that cute little blush he was quite fond of by now.

“That…” You swallow again, opening your mouth a moment as if searching for words before you continue speaking.

“That sounds…lovely. Just…let me know when to be ready.”

This time his grin is more reminiscent of a spider watching a fly heading right into its web as he gives you all the details needed of when and where.

When the time officially comes, he's delighted that you show up in the lobby at the appropriate time for a few reasons. It meant you were going to go, was the most obvious reason. But the second reason was that unless this idiot wanted to take you dancing on a Sunday night…you probably broke your date with them to be with him. A fact that certainly makes his ego puff up as he takes your hand and kisses it, a routine that feels almost natural now.

“My…I'll be the envy of everyone there with this beauty on my arm…” He chuckles, smiling wider when he sees that tell tale blush spread down to your neck as you stumble over a ‘thank you’. He offers his arm to you, which you politely take as if he were escorting you anywhere normally. Him initiating contact, even if it was small, was also beginning to feel more natural to you both, even if it was small touches.

He can tell by the way you act that you can sense this is different from other friendly outings you two had been on. Good. He was beginning to doubt his abilities to charm for a little bit there. Perish the thought.

There are also, admittedly, things that he has begun to notice are different as the night goes on as well. Had he always been able to feel how warm your hands were or had he just never noticed? It's easier to notice now as he twirls you around to the lovely jazz band playing up on stage, hand never letting yours go entirely as the two of you dance.

He's also glad to see those pesky nerves of yours finally seemed to be wearing off and you were relaxing with him again, like you had before he began attempting to quietly pursue you. Your smile and laugh were far more carefree and jovial as he dips you, arm wrapped tightly around your waist to keep you from falling before he tugs you back up to continue.

With you relaxing, he finds himself mirroring that demeanor and he's overall less anxious and tense, and much less focused on ensnaring you. Now he was just…having fun. No planning. No ulterior motives. Just having a good time. It's actually quite nice to enjoy the feeling in the moment.

There are a few brief moments where you tense, for instance when his face comes just a little too close to yours, and he can tell you're clearly wondering if he'll close the gap or if you're just imagining things that aren't there. Or when he gives a particularly sultry gaze and accompanying grin as he pulls his lovely dancing partner closer when the distance between you two becomes greater than he wants.

But overall it's an absolutely lovely night and once you've both had your fill you step off the dance floor, Alastor taking a moment to check the time and grinning deviously to himself. It was far too late to meet with up with whoever your date had been, and his ego is admittedly fluffed knowing he was the one able to distract you so thoroughly, as it should be.

As the two of you sit down at one of the tables in the corner, each grabbing a drink from the bar first, you're still laughing with absolute glee over the wonderful night so far.

He enjoys picking your brain as he sips his rye, head resting gently on his free hand as he nods and agrees and puts in his own two cents on this new jazz club. It feels delightfully normal and cozy. While he does quite enjoy flustering you and watching you flounder…he had missed these easygoing conversations he couldn't really seem to have with others. You had been walking on eggshells around him this week, and he didn't realize how terribly he missed this type of interaction with you until now.

It's only after awhile he pretends to check the clock and feigns shock before turning back to you.

“Oh dear! I hadn't realized how late it had gotten. I hope you didn't have any other plans I might have ruined.” His chuckle is easygoing, thinking he knows the answer but wanting to hear you say it anyway. He wants to hear you say you chose him, instead of him just silently knowing.

But you just shake your head, grin still plastered across your face before you take a sip of your cocktail.

“Nope! This was my only plan tonight and I couldn't imagine anything better!” Another delighted laugh from you as confusion crosses his own face immediately.

He cocks his head to the side a little bit, trying to determine if you're lying or not. Although he has never known you to lie to him before…

“Really? It's not nice to lie to me. I thought we were close. No prior commitments to anyone broken to be here with me tonight? No silly little paramour trying to steal away your attention?” He puts emphasis on the word, putting his drink down and using that hand to gently grab your chin and tilt your head up to look him in the eye so he could analyze your expression more acutely. He doesn't mean to say the word ‘paramour’ with such disdain, it simply creeps out into his voice.

But now you just look confused as well as you look up at him.

“No…? I mean. I told Husk about this place and mentioned wanting to go this weekend to check it out. But I didn't say I had anyone in mind to go with me. If anything I was going to ask you, knowing this is your kind of place.” You answer carefully, unsure what the correct answer is supposed to be, and he freezes, hand on your chin tightening almost imperceptibly as the gears begin to turn in his mind.

There's a soft flare of radio static interference that sounds from him that makes others nearby give him more room than they had previously.

You, however, are unafraid. You've become too close to him to really fear he would do anything bad to you. Right now you're mostly just concerned for him and this odd behavior.

His hand drops away from your face, as he takes another sip of his rye, taking that time to collect himself and think of his next course of action.

He should have known better than to trust one singular source of information without double checking…damnit. He had been so wrapped up in his stupid newfound jealousy that he hadn't even stopped to ask Husk if he was absolutely positive that's what you said. He thinks the idiot must have misheard you, and he foolishly accepted it at face value.

But the wheels are turning in your head now too, mouth falling slightly agape as your eyes widen, an outlandish possibility entering your mind that claws at your curiosity so desperately you can't stop yourself from blurting it out.

“...Alastor…Were you trying to stop me from going on what you thought was a date?” You ask, and the excited anticipation in your voice could not be mistaken even though you did try to hide it.

“Of course not.” Is what comes out of his mouth immediately as he pulls away defensively, his ears flattening slightly, two things you pick up on. He's unaware how hard your heart is beating right now as you try to summon the courage to speak your next thought, part of you still thinking it so impossible you shouldn't even bother asking.

“...Are you…jealous over the idea of someone dating me?” You inquire curiously, quirking your head to the side and snaking one hand across the table and taking his hesitantly, unsure if you're crossing some invisible line. You're unsure if you're just firing a shot in the dark and he'll laugh at the notion. But somehow the atmosphere feels far too heavy for him to joke about something like this. It's felt heavy like this all week and you wanted to know why.

But the question just has him put his drink down a little more harshly than he meant to. But he doesn't pull his other hand from yours, the touch a little soothing to him as he deals with his scattered thoughts.

“No.” He says concretely while looking you in the eye, as if daring you to suggest otherwise.

But you still aren't convinced…not with how he had been acting this past week, and this new knowledge. Perhaps…you could try and be a little bold? Perhaps test the waters yourself?

“...That's a shame. I wouldn't have minded if you were.” You state quietly, his ears almost straining to pick up the sound of your voice over the music. Your gaze is pointedly looking away,  unsure you would have had the courage to say the words if you had been looking directly at him.

You startle and look back at him, specifically at his hand holding yours because his grip has become noticeably tighter. He's moving closer again, to the shorter distance he had been before he pulled away and you swallow thickly, wondering if you had made a mistake.

His voice is low, and you can oddly see conflict present in his eyes, as if he was warring over what decision to make.

“...and if I say I am?” His voice is heated and almost husky as he speaks, looking you directly in the eye again as he leans even closer now, his face mere inches from yours now.

You're struck speechless by this admission, not even dreaming of that response actually being a reality, and your voice is stuck in your throat as you scramble for a response. Your breath hitches slightly as all you can do is stare at him a moment trying to process this as he waits for your answer, unreadable in this moment.

Your other hand is shaking as you bring it up to rest on his cheek, watching him close his eyes a moment before opening them again as he leans into the touch. It gives you the courage to speak that thought that feels almost too silly to put out into the world.

“...I…I would say you have no reason to be.” You're leaning just the smallest bit forward, as if to silently give permission but not wanting to take that first step yourself and cross his boundaries without permission. 

It just made him adore you more.

He bridges the distance, eyes closing as the hand not holding yours is placed on the back of your neck to push you closer, to silently assure you this was no accident.

He can feel your hand gripping his tightly now in response and he can't help but grin into the kiss as you begin to reciprocate once the shock has worn off, lips moving against his with an eager hunger before eventually parting. There's something almost tender in the way he grips your neck, that makes you melt into the kiss with him with ease.

He has to admit he's definitely a fan of this look of yours. Wide eyed, breathing a bit hard with a flushed face and slightly parted mouth as you gazed at him. He wants to see it again.

“...Good. I'm not the type of person who does well with jealousy I've discovered.” His voice is chipper and normal, as if he hadn't just taken your breath away for a moment. Just the whiplash of going from one side of him to the other has you laughing as you lean back, the hand that was once on his face now covering your own.

“...I'll keep that in mind.” You grin, spreading your fingers just enough to peek out at him. 

Further discussions could wait until tomorrow of course, of boundaries and labels and everything that comes with it. But for now this is enough. His cards are on the table yes, but yours are laid bare for him to see as well. So he relaxes again into his seat, leaning back but not taking his hand back from yours before looking at the dance floor again.

“...Do you feel like dancing again mon cœur?” He asks, already tugging your hand up to bring you with him. He's eager to dance with you again without having to pretend his intimate and more romantic touches were accidental this time. He hears you giggle before taking another sip of your cocktail and then you're tugging him down to be eye level with you. 

“I'd love that, mon amour.” You teasingly breathe into his ear, and you're rewarded by this time getting to see his breath hitch instead of it always being you. You may still not know what he's been calling you, but everyone knows that term of endearment, and there's an almost sinful sense of pride that you were able to pull that type of reaction from him, and now you're even more eager to dance with him again, to find out what else you can see that no one else has before.

You think you understand all the teasing touches he gave you that left you wanting all this week, probably trying to test the waters and bait you into confessing yourself, you can likely guess now. If this is how he felt seeing you react all those times you couldn't blame him.

Perhaps it's only fair to begin to repay him for those tormenting whispers and touches, you think as you two step onto the dance floor, your hand placing itself on his chest before slowly gliding up further and then over his collarbone to rest gingerly on his shoulder for support, your fingers digging in slightly to the flesh of his back. It's hard to tell in this dimly lit lounge but you swear there's a tinge of red to his face, and it just further strengthens the hunger you feel when he growls softly and leans over to whisper to you.

“Tread carefully my dear. I have every intention of approaching this courtship as a gentleman. Do not make that impossible for me to remember…”

Taglist: @zzzykiek @alastorthirsty @sirens-and-moonflowers

[dee-morris]

Aziraphale Does Not Have Religious Trauma

We talk a lot about Aziraphale's trauma when we discuss his motivations and choices, particularly the ones we don't like. But what we don't talk enough about is the KIND of trauma he has, and it's not what we think of when we think of religious trauma. We have to remember that everything that Aziraphale has been threatened with and terrified by in his existence. It's REAL.

When a human has religious trauma it's generally because they've been abused and conditioned by threats of hell and damnation and judgement and so forth, and part of the healing process is realizing that it's a bunch of bullshit from an abuser with a power trip. That's not the case with Aziraphale. The angels are mostly bastards, but I'm willing to bet most of them believe in the Great Plan and genuinely believe in what they're doing. Because God is real, hell is real, and you really can be tortured for eternity if you step out of line. Aziraphale saw it happen. I can't even imagine what that must have been like.

When he tries to stop Elspeth from digging up bodies, it's not from some vague moral qualm; it's very practical concern for her future. He knows hell is real and doesn't want this young woman to suffer. And the excitement in his face when he realizes that it's more complicated than that and there are moral justifications for it. "Good news, I've found a work around!" Aziraphale the rules lawyer my beloved. He's managed to survive all this time by finding justifications for evading the rules, but when the most powerful angel in heaven drops in for coffee and a chin wag, that's not an option anymore.

I just really feel like we need to have this in the front of our minds when we're answering every Why? with "Trauma." I mean, yes he has trauma, but it won't be cured by developing stronger self esteem and giving heaven the finger. (Satisfying as that would be.) It will be cured by tackling the source and ending the very real physical threat that heaven poses to himself and Crowley.

[vicmillen]

You're Not You When You're Hungry

Ah yes, Jason's little green tinged problem again. I'll have to say as much as I enjoy the usual take of 'contaminated ecto make him does it', I'd like to do another take.

So what is it?

Well first off there's Jason's unusual and unexplained revival. Be it a zombie or revenant or ghost possessing his own body, he is at least some sort of undead. With his own instincts and obsession and everything.

But then comes the Talia and the Leagues and the Lazarus pits. In the green water goes one Jason Todd, and boom he got boosted in the wrong direction as the pits forced him fully back into living.

Jason got a one off ecto boost that gives him the deadly zoomies, which would be your typical pit madness that should wear off on its own. And it did! The pit madness didn't linger or came back, not even for our most special zombie boy. No it was something else entirely.

The unfortunate thing is that the pits' forceful revival also choked off Jason's own ecto generation. As much as his body is now alive, he still needs that to continue existing, and now he can't 'feed' himself, so to speak.

So as the initial over-energized frenzy wears off, another kind sets in. One that's based off his ecto-deficiency.

The problem is, what are the available sources of ectoplasm for hungry hungry Jason?

The pit water wouldn't work because it's a complicated compound and would do more harm than good to his inconveniently still alive body. The ecto content in the pits isn't even that high to begin with, and the Leagues have their ways to contain the passive diffusion, so ambient ectoplasm level is even lower. Which leaves the third option, death.

Ah well, killing spree it is.

...

Tldr: Let's make Jason eat the souls of his killing, how does that sound?