#and my texts just sit there.... when 4 months ago I had someone I could say absolutely anything to

[boyapologist]

god, I miss having a best friend

[todomochi-uwu]

Who (1/?) -J.Y & S.M

Pairing: Poly! Jeong Yunho x reader x Song Mingi

Genre: Angst, Smut

Warnings: This content is for a mature audience

Synopsis: You can't remember when was the last time you spent time with them, the last "I love you", the last time any of them kissed you.

Other chapters: Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

If you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a coffee ☕

"Mingi, please. I think we should talk; I don't feel good and…" He was quick to cut you off.

"Y/n not right now, I'm tired."

You are always tired these days…

"Yunho, love do you want to go out and check out that new cafeteria? I heard they have…" He was quick to cut you off.

"Y/n not right now, I'm busy."

You are always busy these days...

Things haven't been the same in a while, always in a rush, always in a mood. You can't remember when was the last time you spent time with them, the last "I love you", the last time any of them kissed you. It was a type of routine you had grown accustomed to, and even if it was killing you inside, the idea of being without them was way worse than the pain of their neglect. Cold, endless nights laying in a bed that was way too big for you; tasteless dinner plates that would end up in the trashcan or at the back of the fridge rotting. A home that was crumbling from its foundations, one that you had so desperately tried to patch up and fix by yourself. But in the end, you just had to face the cruel reality, that they don't care. You were not a priority; your relationship was at the bottom of their list.

That's how you ended up at Chan's apartment, in the middle of the night, with so much as your phone in your pocket and your heart in your hand.  He had been your main support the last weeks, anything you wanted, anything you needed, no questions asked. Whenever you woke up crying, whenever you broke down in the middle of the day, Chan was always there to comfort you. And so, you laid there, in his chest, the aftermath of a movie night in which you had only cried twice, an important milestone.

The constant buzzing in the pocket of your pyjamas was making it quite hard for you to continue sleeping. You knew exactly who dared bother you so late at night, it had been the same callers every single night for the past month.

"Don't answer it." Chan's groggy voice filled your ears. He was right. You declined the call and turned off your phone.

But said-call had already done its job, you couldn't stop thinking about the phone, well the people behind it. Your phone was full of texts and missed calls, eight people behind them, because their friends were loyal like that.

They are so sorry.

Please talk to them.

Yunho is drowning himself in work.

Mingi doesn't even talk to us.

Funny it is. A few weeks ago, it seemed they could live perfectly fine without you; they could go on with their day without even glancing your way. You gave them every single piece of your being just to get crumbles in return. But at the same time, your heart is weak, it can’t help but break every time you read one of their texts, wondering if they miss you that much, if they are sorry, if maybe, just maybe, you should go back.

“Y/n… you are overthinking again.” Bang Chan said, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“I know, I just feel bad, Chan. Maybe I overreacted, maybe if I tried a bit harder to talk to them…” There you were again, trying to justify their actions. Chan gave you the same stern look he had been giving you for weeks, every time you blamed yourself.

He got up, not mentioning the subject anymore. Tired of going on about the same subject, “Hey, are you hungry? I can make you something or we can order in.”

It would be a lie to say you were not enjoying Chan’s presence. Having someone to talk to, someone to have a meal with, even someone who sits next to you without being on their phone or computer, you miss not feeling alone. And even though you were heartbroken, you felt warm on the inside.

-------------------------------------------------------

While you might be doing somewhat okay, the other parts of your relationship were not. The house was in complete silence, no matter the hour, no matter the day, no one would dare say a word, their mouths too busy sobbing every single time they remembered their sins, taking you for granted, neglecting you, breaking you.

Yunho would keep himself busy at the hospital, the idea of going back to a broken home simply made him nauseous, and even if the lack of food and the stress were killing him, he much rather endure that than face the harsh truth. Mingi wasn’t any better, endless nights spent in the office, acting as if he was reviewing cases, but the reality was that he just wanted a place to cry without anyone noticing him. Even the love between them was running cold. Fight after fight, they spat cruel words and thoughts trying to get all the hurt and anger out of their chests, blaming themselves, blaming each other. How did they not notice things were so wrong? How could they let things get so wrong?

“Oh, don’t act as if I'm the only one who wasn’t here, you slept at the office almost every day. I came home late, but you didn’t even come at all.” Yunho said, venom in his voice and a glass of whiskey in his hand.

Mingi scratched his forehead in frustration, he could feel the bile going up his throat. “Forgive me for trying to pay the bills, someone has to pay for the house, the student loans, the fucking food that’s on the table.”

“Fuck off, don’t you dare say I’m not bringing any money. Besides, you know that this is temporary while I finish my residency…”

And there the cycle began once again, a screaming match of arguments that never went anywhere, masking the true cause of their pain. Tears ran down their faces, their voices broke down more and more with each word they let out, Yunho's body trembled so much it hurt, while Mingi’s chest felt as if it was about to explode.

“I’m not okay, Yunho.” It was the first time any of them said it out loud, his voice was much raspier and heavier than the usual one.

“I'm not either, Mingi.” He whispered, fearing he would break down even more if he admitted it much louder.

“She left three weeks ago.”

Yunho could only nod.

“She’s not coming back, is she?”

“I don’t know, Mingi.”

[dandylovesturtles]

Decided to write a quick little something for @whumperless-whump-event Day 4: chronic pain/"I'm used to it."

featuring, of course, Sidelined Leo!

like I said before, since it's disability pride month I'd like to do a few things for the Sidelined AU, so hopefully I will find time for more as the days go. For now, I hope you enjoy this!

-----

Leo can tell it's going to be a bad day the moment he wakes up.

The pain in his arms and legs has grown from it's constant dull thrum to a more present burn, and there's a pinch between his eyes that tells him a headache is on the way. Really, he's not surprised; the last few days have been really good. He even went out on a mission two days ago, and did a little skateboarding yesterday. It stands to reason that his body has crashed out on him.

Sometimes he feels angry and bitter about it. Today, he just feels a sort of resigned acceptance. And that means maybe it won't be such a bad day after all.

He hits the button on the side of the bed so it bends him into a reclined position, then fumbles around on his side table until his hand lands on his pill organizer. He should probably text someone to bring him water, but it feels like a pain, so he dry swallows them one by one and just resolves not to mention doing that to Dad or Raph.

Then he finally blinks the sleep out of his eyes and looks around his room and... darn it, his chair isn't here. Where'd he even leave it...

His memory is a complete blank on that one, so he sighs and clears his throat.

"Hey, Shell-man?"

There's only a second of silence before Shelldon's voice echoes from who even knows where. Donnie rigged his new room with more electronics than Leo will ever know about.

"S'up bro?"

"You know where my chair is?" he asks, like Shelldon can't track it instantly.

"You left it in the arcade, dude," comes the answer. "Want me to wheel it over?"

Yeah, no way he's getting himself to the arcade today. "Sure, thanks, Shelly."

"No problem, dude!"

Leo lets his head flop back on his pillows while he wants for his chair to be delivered. He fumbles around for his phone this time and takes a look at his reminders.

6:00 PM: Concert with Mikester

"Crap," he mutters, closing his eyes. Right, that yokai hip-hop group Mikey wanted to go see. Leo had promised he'd go with him, but he doubts he'll be able to do it now.

It's not that big a deal. Raph or Donnie will probably go with him if Mikey makes big enough puppy eyes at them. It's just, Leo had been kinda excited about it, too...

The dark buzz that heralds his anxiety flares up, and he sucks in a deep breath and lets it out slow. He doesn't want this day to turn terrible. He needs to relax and accept the things he can't change, like April always says. Even when it sucks.

There's a whir of electronics that signals the arrival of his chair. Leo waits until it parks itself next to his bed, then he swings his legs over the bed and stands up just long enough to sit down in the chair again. Even that leaves him feeling a little winded, but he doubts his arms could have handled the transfer so he doesn't bother trying.

He wheels around his room until he finds his big comfy unicorn hoodie, then drives out into the rest of the lair, making his way up the ramp to the kitchen. He can smell breakfast cooking, and hear Raph's voice.

"Morning fam," he says as he comes in, trying to keep his voice upbeat even though he already feels tired.

"Morning Leo!" Mikey echoes, turning around with a whole plate of waffles. His smile falters a little when he sees the chair and the hoodie. "Oof. Flare up?"

"Yeah," he admits, steering his chair into the empty part of the kitchen table. Mikey sets the waffle plate down, and without having to be asked Raph starts fixing some for Leo, with blueberries on top.

It took work for them both to find the line between helping and babying, but they're better at this now. Leo doesn't mind Raph helping him out this way, especially because he'd rather not make a mess of the kitchen table.

"Mikey, can you grab my fat fork?"

"It has a name," says a tired voice behind him, and Leo smirks as Donnie comes around the side and makes for the coffee machine.

"I just used it. It's the fat fork."

"It's a GeniusBuilt Secure Grip Adjustable Fork-"

"I'm not saying all that."

Donnie huffs. Mikey snickers, swinging around him to deliver the fork with the thick grip to Leo. He has another set with a loop that can secure to his hand if he needs it, but this one is fine for now.

"Here!

"Thanks Angelo."

"Did you take your meds this morning?" Raph asks.

"Yes, Mom," says Leo, rolling his eyes as he cuts off a bite of waffle.

"Really? 'Cause Raph didn't hear you ask anyone to bring you water-"

"I had some leftover Gatorade in my room," Leo lies quickly.

"Uh-huh." Raph looks at him skeptically. "Leo, you know taking pills without water hurts your throat."

"Meh meh meh, you'll hurt your throat," Leo repeats in a mocking voice. Raph reaches over like he's going to cuff Leo on the head, then seems to rethink it and steals some of his blueberries instead. "Hey!"

"You are all so noisy already," comes Splinter's voice, and he finally comes into the room to join them, wearing the robe he slept in. He looks up at Leo in his chair. "Are you in pain, Blue?"

Leo hums an affirmative. "It's not that bad, though," he adds, because it's not. Comparatively.

Now it's his dad's turn to look skeptical. "Are you sure?"

Leo grimaces. "It's... a little worse than normal," he amends. "But I can handle it."

"Mmm..." Splinter walks off to get in his own seat. "Let us know if it gets worse."

"Yeah, yeah..."

The conversation moves on to other topics, up until Leo's wheelchair beeps at him. He groans, glancing down at the battery indicator, which is firmly in the red.

"You forgot to charge it, didn't you?" asks Donnie, looking amused.

"Shut up, I've been busy!" Leo snaps back.

"If you left it on the charger when you aren't using it then this wouldn't happen."

"Alright, anyone else have any criticisms for me today?" he says, except it comes out a shade too bitter and Donnie's grin falters.

Good job, Leon, way to be a dick. He winces, focusing again on his waffles. His arm is sore from the effort of eating and he wants to crawl back in bed and stay there, which is exactly the sort of attitude he's been trying to avoid.

"...I have the backup chair in the lab if you need it," says Donnie. A peace offering.

"Thanks," says Leo, returning it.

So after breakfast, Donnie helps him swap chairs. His main one is put on the charger and he wheels himself to the living room with the backup, then calls for Raph.

"Think you can help me get comfy, big guy?" he asks.

"Of course," says Raph with a grin. "What do you want?"

It's nice that he asks now, instead of assuming.

Leo directs him to help him onto the couch, then Raph gets him his fluffy blue blanket to cover him up. Even though he took his meds, he can feel the pain radiating at his hips and knees and he guesses he's going to need more later. He sets an alarm on his phone and settles in with a Jupiter Jim flick to fall asleep to.

He's not out yet when he hears the pad of feet, then feels the couch dip as Mikey sits next to him.

"Hey Leo," he says softly, and Leo gives a hum to let him know he's still awake. "You think... you're gonna feel up for the concert tonight?"

Oh right. Shoot. It had already slipped Leo's mind, and now he feels guilty all over again.

He opens his eyes and tilts his head so he can see Mikey. "I don't think so. I'm sorry."

"You don't gotta apologize!" says Mikey quickly. "I'm sorry you're having a rough day."

"It's fine," says Leo. "I'm used to it."

"I'm still sorry," says Mikey firmly. He gets up, then comes over so he can give Leo a very awkward couch hug. "I wish you didn't have to hurt," he says, sincerely.

Leo leans into the hug. Feels the dark buzz of anxiety ebb away.

"Hey, it's alright. All you guys make it easier."

Mikey beams at that, bouncing back up. "Hey, I know," he says. "I'll get Donnie to help me set up a sweet livestream so you can see the concert from right here!"

They don't have to go to all that trouble for him. But Leo looks up at his little brother's shining smile and can't say no.

"That'd be really cool," he says, and Mikey claps his hands.

"Yes! Okay, I'll go get Dee and we'll get on it!"

He races away. Leo chuckles, curling up under his blanket.

Maybe it won't be such a bad day after all.

[cmdrfupa]

XXXV

Satoru "I'm just a man" Gojo. Happy Birthday to our sweet loser :*

Satoru stood in the middle of his living room, arms crossed, a pout creeping onto his usually smug face. His blindfold rested lazily around his neck, revealing eyes that were far too beautiful for someone sulking. He glanced at his phone again. No messages. No sly emojis. No secretive texts from neither his friends nor students.  

“I’m gonna head to the grocery store here in a bit. Did you add what you wanted to the list?” You dug through your bag fishing out your wallet before taking a glance over at Satoru. “Toru? You good?”

Satoru turned to you, huffing and dragging his feet until he laid his head on your shoulder.

“No birthday brunch, no room full of my favorite people, no Nanamin telling me I can sit on his lap. Baby, I'm 35 today and my friends don't care!”

“Honey.”

“Yes my darling wife.”

“Remember when I asked you 7 months ago what you wanted to do for your birthday?” You gently rubbed his back as he draped his large frame onto you.

“Mhm.”

“And every other time every month til yesterday even?”

Satoru turned to you, his lashes lightly brushing against your neck. “Yes.” he pouted.

“And remember when you said that the only thing you needed to celebrate was a full day of peace and some sweets with your sweet?”

“And you took me seriously! Of all the times to take me seriously baby, seriously.” He lifted himself and gently took you by the shoulders.

“So you don’t want to spend the day with me and eat homemade bon-bons and ice cream cake?”

“Any day with you is heaven my sweet goji berry,” Satoru planted a warm kiss on your temple and fished out his card to slide it into your bag.

“Tread lightly baby girl. I hear that ‘but’ coming.” you glared.

“No buts. Just how much I love yours.” He pursed his lips, almost duck lip like, for a kiss and you couldn’t help but oblige. You did the same, pursing your lips and met his before he embraced you.

“It won't take me long to get the things we need to make our bon-bons. I’m also going to stop by the mail station. I’ll be back soon.

“I can manage an hour by myself on my 35th birthday. I’m brave.”

You softly grabbed his chin. “The bravest. I’ll see you in a bit.” You kissed his cheek and left out the door.

“Not even a surprise from my boys,” he muttered, flopping dramatically onto the couch. “Unbelievable. I am maxing their Christmas list items to 15. They’ll see how it feels then.”  

As he wallowed, his eye caught something on the coffee table: a colorful flyer with bold letters.  

~~~"Citywide Scavenger Hunt! Follow the clues for an adventure to remember."~~~

A crooked smile broke across his face. “Well, well, well, what’s this?”  

Clue One was printed at the bottom:  

*"Where the storm passed and sweetness brewed, love first whispered, quiet but true."*  

Gojo tilted his head, pondering. It sounded oddly familiar. Shrugging, he grabbed his coat and headed out, intrigued despite himself.  

---------

The cafe was as quaint as ever, tucked between a bookstore and a flower shop. It was the kind of place you could walk by a hundred times without noticing unless you were looking for it. Led by his own hunch, Gojo stopped in front of the window, his sharp gaze scanning the hand-written menus and neatly arranged pastries.  

At first, it didn’t click. He was about to walk away when the memory hit him like a stray curse punch.  “Storm, brew, whispers.”

“Ohhh, thiiiis place!” he exclaimed, startling a couple passing by. “This is where we hid from that rainstorm!”  

Satoru had put together a last minute picnic that got rained out within 5 minutes that day. He found the nearest cafe, where you’d spent 4 hours giggling and establishing the relationship you now had.

He stepped closer to the window, remembering how you’d insisted on ordering for him. You’d teased that he was “sweet enough” for a matcha latte—a line he hadn’t let you live down for weeks. And that day...  

“That’s right,” he whispered to himself. “That was the first time I wanted to say ‘I love you.’”  

On the window, taped neatly near the corner, was the next clue:  

*"Where koi dance and words lingered long, love spoke bold, with hope it belonged."*  

Gojo’s lips quirked upward. “Koi pond, huh? You’re making me work for this, aren’t you?”  

He reached for his phone to text you but stopped himself. If this was your doing, he didn’t want to ruin it by cheating. Instead, he turned on his heel and made his way to the park.  “City wide scavenger hunt my ass. My baby loves me!”

________ 

The koi pond glistened under the afternoon sun, tiny ripples reflecting light like scattered diamonds. Gojo meandered along the path, hands in his pockets, until he spotted someone sitting on a familiar park bench.  

“Nanamin!” Gojo shouted, startling a flock of pigeons nearby.  

Nanami barely flinched, his attention fixed on a book he held in one hand.  

“What are you doing here? Don’t tell me you’ve finally realized I was right on how much sun you need? You’re welcome!” Gojo plopped down beside him, grinning ear to ear.  

Nanami sighed audibly, closing his book with deliberate slowness. “I’m going to let you talk because it’s your birthday. But please, be quieter.”

Gojo seemed surprised at  Nanami remembering the best day of everyone’s life. Though the appreciative look stopped once he recalled his own complaints from this morning.

“So you DO remember my birthday, Nanami.”

“Hard to forget the day that changed the course of history, Gojo.”

“And yet,” Gojo pulled out his phone, pulled up his call logs and shoved the phone in Nanami’s face. “I receive not even a quick call to celebrate my great entry into this world.”

Nanami closed his book as he turned to Gojo. “I have been busy this morning. And you’re 35. The fruit basket I’m sending will be enough.”

“The only thing that will be enough is if you let me sit in your lap.” Gojo batted his eyes as if he were flirting to save his life.

“No.”

“Pleeeeease. It’s just 5 seconds of lap time.”

“No.” Nanami deadpanned.

After 18 years of knowing one another, Nanami was fully aware that this wasn’t going to be the last time he’d be asked this. Mostly because this was the 56th time being asked and Gojo seemed desperate.

The blonde sighed and patted his leg. “You have eight seconds. Then immediately get up or i’m pushing you off.”

Gojo’s face lit up like a kids and jumped into Nanami’s lap. He sat still then after only 4 seconds, Gojo stood up. “Eh. That was underwhelming.  A bit of a waste.”

 Before Nanami forgot why he was there, he reached into his inside suit pocket and pulled out an envelope. “Take this before I forget my promise of being kind to you.”  

He handed Gojo the envelope, his expression as unreadable as ever.  

Gojo opened it, pulling out another neatly written clue:  

*"Where koi dance and words lingered long, love spoke bold, with hope it belonged."*  

“Wait a second.” Gojo stared at the pond. Memories flooded back—You and him sitting here late one evening, legs brushing as he rambled about some silly story. You laughed and he looked over at you, his heart unexpectedly full, and blurted it out.  

“Hey, this is the place I told them I loved them,” he said, grinning. “This time I said it and they said it back! Pretty sure they cried. Tears of joy, of course..”  

Nanami gave him a flat look. “You’re unbelievable.”  

“Thank you!” Gojo chirped, standing up. “So, is this whole thing their idea?”  

Nanami didn’t answer, simply picking up his book again.  

Gojo wagged a finger at him. “You know something, don’t you? But fine. I’ll play along.”  

As he walked away, Nanami muttered under his breath, “They deserve a medal for dealing with him.”  

-——————-

The rooftop was quiet except for the faint hum of the city below. Gojo stood by the edge, gazing out at the skyline. It wasn’t the most impressive view in Tokyo, but it was meaningful. He remembered this spot vividly: the night you both had huddled under a single blanket, sipping canned coffee as the stars struggled to shine through the city lights only a few days after his fight with Sukuna.  He smiled at the passing birds and the sound of the bustling city below.

“Hey, are you just going to stand there looking like a complete dumbass?” a voice called out.  

Gojo turned to see Utahime leaning against the rooftop door frame, arms crossed.  

“Utahime! Long time no see. Are you here to confess your love for me too?”  Gojo joked as he took a step away from the edge.

She rolled her eyes, walking over to him. “No. I’m here because I was asked to hand you this.” She held out another envelope.  

Gojo took it, but not before giving her a cheeky grin. “So, you do care about me. I knew it.”  

“Just open the damn envelope,” she snapped.  

The note inside read:  

*"Where stars met our gaze and silence spoke, love stood firm, unbroke. Now make your way to the place that holds the memories old and untold."*  

Utahime smirked at the way his expression softened. “It’s cute, honestly. How whipped you are.”  

“Excuse me,” Gojo said, straightening up, “I am not whipped. I am simply... deeply adored. By many.”  

“You look like a lovesick puppy reading that note. Whipped.”

“I don't have it in me to be whipped. I’m a little too masculine for that.”

“Whatever you say, you lovestruck idiot.” She shook her head, waving him off. “Try not to trip over yourself getting to your next destination.”  

Gojo pinched her cheek  before heading out, his heart racing now.  

---

Gojo unlocked the door to your shared apartment, and his jaw dropped.  

The living room was transformed. Balloons hung from the ceiling in shades of blue and white, streamers looped along the walls, and a table was set with delicate china, tiered trays of sandwiches, macarons, and cakes. In the center of it all stood you, holding a teapot, your face glowing with excitement as his friends and former students stood around singing happy birthday.

“Happy Birthday, my sweet Satoru,” you said warmly.  

For a moment, he didn’t move. He took it all in—the decorations, the scavenger hunt, the care and thought behind every detail. Then, with a burst of energy, he swept you into his arms, spinning you around.  

“You’re incredible!” he said, his voice uncharacteristically soft. “All this for me?”  

You laughed, holding onto his shoulders. “Of course. I wanted to surprise you with something fun. Those places weren’t random, you know.”  

“I know.” He set you down, brushing a strand of hair from your face before he held your face gently. “Those were the places I told you had moments I fell for you all over again. Every single time.”  

Your smile widened. “I hoped you’d remember.”  

He leaned in, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “How could I forget anything about you?”  

-—————

The tea party was everything Gojo didn’t know he needed. Nanami sat stiffly in one corner, grudgingly eating cake telling Yaga of the koi pond. Utahime sipped tea with Shoko, who had brought a bottle of sake "just in case." Even Megumi had been coerced into attending, sitting quietly as Gojo tried to shove a macaron into his mouth.  

Throughout it all, Gojo’s eyes kept drifting back to you. You, who had orchestrated this entire day. You, who had filled his life with meaning he hadn’t known he needed.  

As the guests left and the apartment quieted, he pulled you into his arms once more.  

“Thank you,” he whispered, his voice low and sincere.  

“For what?”  

“For loving me,” he said simply. “And for reminding me why I love the life I have with you.”  

You smiled, resting your head on his chest. “Happy Birthday, Satoru.”  

For once, Gojo didn’t have a witty comeback. He just held you, feeling like the luckiest man in the world.  “Happy Birthday to me.”

[daengtokki]

𝐿𝒶𝓈𝓉 𝒟𝒶𝓉𝑒

Kim Seungmin/Female Reader

wc: 11k

rating: mature/explicit ಇ

comments: thanks everyone for the likes and reblogs and feedback! (´︶`) knowing someone is enjoying my fics makes writing seungmin so much easier. technically this is the last part, but not really...

⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆ ⋆｡ ﾟ｡ ⋆

→ Blind Date

→ Second Date

→ Third Date

Part 4 of 4

Seungmin goes quiet after that, relaxes against the arm of the couch. You’re on the opposite side, doing the same. You watch each other carefully , but nobody makes a move, and nobody starts to speak.

You wonder if there was something you could have done to avoid all of this drama. Four and a half months of wondering; of being so down you can barely make it to work some days. Both of you have been really bad at this.

“Yes, I know it’s complicated.”

-

Counting the days and weeks until Seungmin comes back to you has been excruciating, sometimes anxiety inducing, and the only thing really keeping you together.

As of today it’s been 136 days since you spent the night with him. Twenty weeks, almost, since you looked at him face to face—touched him, kissed him, desperately wanted to confess how you’ve already fallen for him, and you never want to leave his side again.

But he did text you three days ago.

A part of you feels like giving up, because maybe this has gone on for far too long.

It’s nothing that Seungmin has done. He hasn’t said anything to you about things likely not working out. He talks to you in the same sweet, cheery way he always has when he actually has time to text, or call. You don’t resent him for his lack of communication, ever, because you know his lifestyle is worlds away from yours.

But the part of you that’s crazy about him sits and thinks: he can call for a five minute conversation, ask me how I am before I completely fall apart. You think…why hasn’t he messaged back? It takes a few seconds.

You hate having these thoughts. But you’re only human, and you have so much empty time to think about him.

It’s just not the same for him. It might never be the same for him.

Right now you’re staring out of your classroom window, completely lost in thought. The kids are working quietly, and it’s honestly the first time all day where you’ve been truly alone in your head.

There’s a loud knock on the door, and it makes you, and your students, jump.

“Come in…”

The door opens slowly, and the face that peeks through the door is a familiar one.

“Hey,” Choonhee waits a moment, then enters and closes the door behind her. She grabs a chair and finds a spot to sit directly in front of, across your desk.

“Hi, what’s up?”

“I’m on my way out, but I wanted to see you before I left. I keep missing you, and you’re not answering my messages.” The look she gives you is a little bit questioning, and a little bit irritated.

“Sorry, I’ve just had a lot on my mind. I’m trying to get out of this slump.”

“Slump? The same one you’ve been in for the last…” she gestures vaguely at nothing, “month? Maybe longer, I don’t know.”

“Yeah,” you manage, but it comes out shaky. You feel your throat tighten, and the air is pushed out of your lungs. Your eyes sting with tears. You can’t do this here.

“Hey hey, I’m sorry.” Choonhee starts to stand, “go pull yourself together, I’ll watch the class.”

You inhale deeply and make your way to the restroom. Luckily you have it to yourself, because when you catch sight of yourself in the mirror, tears are starting to stream down your cheeks. The result of bottling up until you explode.

Talking to Choonhee about this was always an option, but you haven’t. For some reason, you didn’t want her know how deep the cut is that Seungmin has made in you.

Her blind date was probably never supposed to turn into this; something serious, something you want, maybe more than anything you’ve ever wanted. You feel stupid and childish about it, because you know who he is. Sometimes you have to remind yourself that it was him that initiated date number two, and three, sort of, otherwise you’ll convince yourself you somehow forced him into all of this.

It takes far too long for you to finish crying and clean yourself up, but she’s still sitting there waiting when you return.

“I’ll be over tonight, and we’re going to talk it out. Okay?” She says.

You nod, eyes still red, makeup probably giving you two black eyes.

“I have to get going, I’ll see you later. Your phone went off while you were in the bathroom.”

You watch her as she walks out, then look to your students. In a few minutes, they’ll be dismissed. And you can go home and finish the crying that you’ve started.

First, you sit and poke the screen of your phone. It’s just a text message.

No, it’s not just a text message. It’s Seungmin. Choonhee probably looked, but all she would’ve seen is the contact name for him; SM.

Weeks ago, you almost changed it to Minnie, but you didn’t. The impersonal, secretive SM remained. You unlock your phone and open it.

I hope you had a good day. You’re just leaving work, I think…if I have my time right

And just like that, he pulls you back up, and back in. He says the right thing at just the right time. Although today, he he did miss it by a few minutes.

Now you battle with whether or not you text him back immediately, or wait until you get home. Neither feels like the right thing to do. You stare down at the message until it’s time for you to dismiss your class, thinking of what to say to him.

It’s personal. He took note of the time, and remembered when it is you usually leave.

Part of you feels like crying again, but your heart is fluttering. You hate this.

———

“I got your favorite!” Choonhee starts unloading the bag of food she brought with her. “Don’t look so defeated over there.”

She let herself in while you sat folded up on the couch. You’re still looking at your phone, trying to figure out what to say to him. Should you keep it casual and tell him your day was alright? Lie?

No, you could tell him the truth; that it was a rough day, and you’ve had a lot of days like this lately because you haven’t seen him in such a long time. But you have no idea how he’d react to that. Maybe he would feel guilty about not texting more, or feel bad because he’s been too busy to see you when he is in Seoul.

Or maybe he would feel overwhelmed by it, and decide enough was enough.

Seungmin—the Seungmin you know, at least, has always come off very laidback. Open when he needed to be, but not overly so. He’s a little bit reserved, but so many moments with him have been…cute.

And Chicago. It’s been so long since Chicago—long enough that the memory is fading a little. You have to think back on it and keep yourself there, in that moment, to remember all the detail. It’s all still there, in your head.

Finally, you start to type.

“Hi Minnie. I had a rough day today…I hope I get to see you again soon.”

You stare at it until Choonhee clears her throat in an attempt to get your attention.

You read it once more, then send it.

“Okay, dinner is served. Eat and tell me what’s been bothering you.”

You set your phone face down on the table and take a few bites before getting into it. Starting the conversation will be the most difficult.

So you just start.

“This is a little bit my fault, isn’t it?” Choonhee listened quietly, but you could tell she wasn’t expecting this to be about him. “I pushed this on you. I knew he spoke to you back in…June? I think it was June. But I didn’t know you saw each other again after the first date.”

“Yeah, there was a second date. And a third. And, well…ya know.”

Her eyebrows raise, “what? Fourth, fifth?”

“No, we slept together.”

She’s silent for a long moment, but her eyes remain fixed on you.

“When I went home in July. Remember?”

She’s still silent.

“I haven’t seen him since then.”

“Seungmin doesn’t like opening up to people. He doesn’t do that. Or he didn’t, at least. Are you sure you didn’t just…dream it?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I didn’t dream about having sex with him and then convince myself it really happened.”

Choonhee throws her hands up and waves your remark away, “okay I’m sorry, I’m just…surprised. I mean, even the multiple dates is a little surprising.”

“Then why did you even set us up?”

She shrugs, and then struggles to find the right words, “I don’t know…you were both here, and alone. I didn’t want you to spend the holiday by yourself. I thought you’d like him…I guess I was right. I’m not usually good with matches.

“So…are you saying I should just move on?”

“No, absolutely not! Text him right now, and tell him you want to see him when he gets home. He doesn’t get to fuck and run. I don’t care who he is.”

She goes quiet for a few seconds, but you can tell she’s frustrated and deep in thought. “I knew you’d like him. I’m sorry, I made this mess. If he doesn’t get himself together and talk to you like he should, I’ll go find him myself.”

———

By the time your text message gets to Seungmin, he’s home, undressed, and about to hop into a very hot shower. He smiles when he reads Minnie, because in the far too few messages exchanged, you’ve mostly called him Seungmin. His smile fades when he reads the rest.

He knows he’s been bad at this. Not just bad, actually—he’s been pathetic. He’s ghosted you, and strung you along for weeks.

No, he thinks. It’s been months of sporadic texting. Every time he was home, or close to home, he ignored you. Not maliciously, of course, and ignored is a strong word. He messaged you, but it really was the bare minimum. Especially after the last time you were together; you gave yourself to him, and Seungmin took all that he could.

Now he can’t admit to you how much it scared him.

He sets his phone down for now, and climbs into the shower—because once again, his mind, body, and everything in between is tired.

He’s so tired, he feels like he could cry. Maybe if he just let go, let himself wrap around someone and cry into their chest, he would feel better.

———

“When did he text you last?” Choonhee is cleaning up the table, throwing things into the sink, and generally doing a terrible job of tidying. But she means well, and you let her at it. “Has it been a while?”

“Three days ago, before today. He sent a message while you were in my classroom earlier.”

“Oh, is that who the buzz was? Did you answer back? Maybe you should just make him wait around.”

“I replied right before we ate, only because it took me a while to figure out what to say.”

You’re back on the couch now, phone in hand, eyes staring at the stagnant message thread. Figuring out his schedule is tough sometimes, and you try (and usually fail) to stay off of Twitter and fan sites. Right now you’re sifting through them, though—looking for anything new.

You pull up a few airport photos from earlier today. Seungmin is hidden behind a mask and a hat, but you can see his eyes. He looks tired.

It makes your heart sink. You return to your message thread again and read through the last few texts; they feel more and more impersonal as time goes on, and that makes your heart sink, too.

Maybe he is pulling away from you.

“I know saying this won’t help, but do not let this take over. Don’t let him get into your head like this.”

“It’s too late for that.”

Choonhee grabs your arm and shakes it furiously, “he’s just a guy!”

———

Seungmin is flat on his back, covers fluffed up all around him, a pillow under his head, another under his feet. No matter what he does, he’s uncomfortable. He desperately wants and needs to fall asleep, but it’s alluding him. His brain won’t shut up.

The room is chilly, and that’s usually what does the trick. Cold room, warm bed, and he’s out like a light.

He picks up his phone and reads your text again.

Hi Minnie. I had a rough day today…I hope I get to see you again soon.

If only he could figure out what to say back to you. There are so many things he wants to say, and so few ways he can think of to type it out.

Even if he were to see you face to face, he’d be lost for words. Seungmin is not one to let people in, but he has already let you in.

And now he’s stupidly pushing you away.

He pulls up a photo of you and stares at it. This wasn’t the way he planned on relaxing, but his hand is finding it’s way under his shirt anyway, touching his stomach, slowly moving downward until reaches the waistband of his sweatpants.

Thinking of your one night together, somehow still vivid in his head after all this time, is enough to get him hard. And looking at you…he runs his hand down the length of his cock, grabs tight, and strokes himself slowly. The breath he lets out is shaky. He has to be quiet.

———

“Is he?” You look at her, only slightly defeated. “…just a guy?”

“You slept with him, you should know.”

“He’s not.”

The look she gives you is almost enough to make you rethink what you just said.

“I promise you, beneath everything, he’s like any other guy you’ve dated who got too close, freaked out, and disappeared.”

You shake your head. Then your phone buzzes in your hand, and the feeling makes your heart jump to your throat, and your stomach sink all at once. You don’t immediately move your eyes to the screen—you can’t.

“Was that him?”

Now you look. SM. You nod.

you still want to see me?

You will see him again, and you’ll tell him exactly how you feel.

“What did he say?”

You turn your phone so Choonhee can read the message. She rolls her eyes.

“He sounds like a guy. I’m sorry I got you into this…but, you are going to see him again I assume.”

“Yeah, of course.”

———

It’s not until you’re in bed, hours later, that you open his text in an attempt to answer. But it might be better to do this in the morning, because sending one and waiting for his reply is going to keep you up all night.

You stare anyway, trying to get your thoughts in order; your words, your feelings. Do you want him to know how you really feel now, or when you have him in front of you? Can you even get the right words out when he’s in front of you?

You open your notes app and begin working on a reply.

You know I want to see you, Seungmin. I’m trying to be patient and understanding, but it’s so hard when you’re on my mind every day. I hope you’re getting some rest, and I hope you’re doing well. And I hope I can see you before you leave again.

You fall asleep writing. And in the morning, there he is again. One text message sent at 5am.

I’m so sorry. I should have made time for you in October, but every time I wanted to ask you, I froze, I don’t know why, I have no excuse

For a moment, you think you accidentally sent the rough draft of your text in your sleep. You didn’t. This was just him, awake before dawn, finally giving you something sincere. Now you have to rethink your reply.

The typing notification pops up while you’re reading over his message again. Still awake at 6:45.

I remember you telling me you wake up at the same time every morning... Good morning

You feel like crying again. But not like yesterday.

“Good morning” is the best you can come up with this early. He’ll have to wait.

———

Seungmin falls asleep, eventually, but not comfortably.

He gets up from bed to clean himself up, change (he’s warm now, so he opts for less clothes), and hopefully he’ll still be a little bit tired by the time he hits the bed again.

At 4:45am, his body decides he’s had enough. Now he’s awake, eyes still closed, bed far too warm. He throws off the blankets and flips onto his back.

Immediately, and not surprisingly, Seungmin’s thoughts turn to you. You’re sleeping soundly, he hopes, unlike him. He imagines you in the bed he’s never seen; curled up, tucked in. Maybe if he was there with you, he could sleep.

Every time he gets back home, he tries to push himself again, and he fails. He did it in October, and then again in September, right before his birthday. He knows he can’t keep doing this to you.

He pulls out his phone and opens your message thread.

…I hope I get to see you again soon

Seungmin stops thinking and just types:

“I’m so sorry. I should have made time for you in October…”

He stops and reads it. October. He was busy with the album release, but if he looks back in his messages again, he can count the number of texts he sent on one hand. You sent just as many…well, one more than him. That last message he didn’t even reply to. You must have been fed up with him and his lack of communication. And you had every right to be.

“…but every time I wanted to ask you, I froze, I don’t know why, I have no excuse.”

This part is true. Seungmin is almost freezing again right now.

“I don’t know how to explain…”

Now he thinks.

“…how all of this is making me feel. Maybe I’m…”

Seungmin backspaces the last sentence before he even finishes it. And then he hits send.

At 6:45, he’s still wide awake. He remembers you telling him your alarm is always set for this time, so he sends one more message.

And you reply. He was right, you were awake. Just a good morning, though. He’s sure it’s far too early for you to deal with his wishy-washy bullshit.

———

When he doesn’t text again by lunch time, you decide he’s waited long enough. And you can’t waste time, really. He might not be in town for long.

“I want to see you, and I will see you. Today, tomorrow, it doesn’t matter. But I need it to be soon. Neither of us are allowed to be nervous anymore.”

It’s better, you decide, than whatever you wrote last night.

He’s silent as you drift through the rest of the school day (you assume he’s having trouble thinking of a reply to that), and right as the class is gathering their things and leaving, another teacher sneaks in and approaches you. Then you realize it’s not a teacher, but you recognize her. She’s a secretary you’ve spoken to a few times before.

She nods to you and smiles. “I know you’re on your way out, but there’s a visitor for you, a parent who insisted I bring them right to you. It seemed important.”

You have very specific times for parent/teacher visits, and this is not one of them. And there is nobody else who would visit you. You’re confused. “Okay, send them in…I guess.”

You look down at your phone—you doubt it, but maybe you missed a text message or a call. No, nothing.

“Hello.”

The way his voice floats over to you almost knocks you out, and when you turn to meet his eyes, your throat refuses to let you release the air in your lungs.

“Your last text was very insistent. I know this probably is not the best approach…but I haven’t been doing a very good job of anything lately.”

Still you just stare at him, lost for words. You look around your classroom, then down at yourself. This is not how you wanted to see him again, but do you have any room to complain?

He takes a few steps toward you, “was this a bad idea?”

You manage to shake your head and swallow. And then you realize your legs still work, with some effort. Two steps later, your arms wrap around his waist, your face disappears in his sweatshirt, and you squeeze.

His tiny, relieved laugh is music to your ears, and then his hands slide across your back until he’s fully embraced you.

You keep him there for a long time, and he doesn’t protest or try to pull you away. When he does speak again, it’s a question.

“How was your day?”

You slowly release him, but making eye contact is a bit of a challenge. “It’s better now.” So you fall apart when he does show up; no strong words, no looks of disbelief at his absence. You knew this would happen.

“Where can I take you? Home? Or…anywhere you want.”

“Home is good.”

“Okay, there’s a ride waiting for us.” He moves his hands up and over your shoulders, and he rests them on either side of your neck. “I understand if you’re angry with me, and if you stay that way.”

“I am. I don’t want to be.”

Seungmin leans closer, and he moves painfully slow, but eventually he makes it to your mouth. His kiss is light and short, but he keeps going back to peck at your lips, over and over, until you open up and hold him there.

Finally, clear memories of Chicago fill you up. His scent and his touch pull you right back, and you hope he remembers it like you do.

———

It feels like your first date. A quiet car ride, a slow ride up the elevator, an awkward, unsure walk down the hallway to your apartment door. Then walking into your messy living room.

“Are you hungry? I can order something for us,” he says as he’s carefully removing his shoes. “And we can talk while we wait.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. I’ll make some coffee.”

Seungmin doesn’t follow you to the kitchen, like he’s done a few times before. Instead, he sits on the couch, situating himself so he can still see you.

You try not to look at him as you work, but you fail, several times. He smiles every time your eyes meet, but it’s a sad smile. It’s not one you’re used to seeing.

“No small talk,” you tell him as you hand him his coffee. “I’ll lose my mind.”

“No small talk.” He nods.

“Where have you been?” You start, staring down at your mug. “Not physically, I know that already. I mean…in every other way.”

“Uhm—“ Seungmin thinks. His face twists a little, probably in confusion. “Where have I…”

“Mentally,” you can’t take your eyes off of him now. “Emotionally.”

“Oh, okay I understand.” He clears his throat, adjusts himself. “It’s been hard to keep my thoughts organized lately. It’s not just that I’ve been busy with work…I haven’t been sleeping well.”

“I’m sorry.”

Seungmin shakes his head, “I could’ve fixed it, I’m sure. If I would’ve just talked about things with you a while ago, I probably would have slept easier.”

“I kept you up?”

“Yes. Well, thinking about you. I do think about you, all the time, even if I haven’t kept in touch. But I’ve been over complicating things, I think.”

“Talk to me now. Please.”

You think you can see his cheeks turning pink. His eyes are wide and shiny, but he’s unsure.

“I know, Seungmin…it is hard. It’s been hard for me, and I feel like it’s been a little more difficult for you. I kept everything to myself all this time, up until yesterday.”

He gives you another questioning look.

“Choonhee forced it out of me.”

He nods, sets his coffee down, and swings his legs up on the couch. Something about him making himself more comfortable puts you at ease. You remember him mentioning before that he felt relaxed being here, alone with you. "I don’t feel any pressure here." You hope he still feels that way.

“Tell me what you told her.”

“She did most of the talking.”

“Then what did Choonhee tell you?”

“That you’re just a guy, and I shouldn’t let you get to me like this.”

Seungmin actually nods at that—but he’s not looking you in the eyes now, so maybe he’s just…thinking about it. Or maybe he’s agreeing. You don’t know where this is going yet.

“I am just a guy, she’s right. I don’t want to be just a guy, though. Not to you.”

“Oh…”

“I thought I knew what was going on when we were together in Chicago, and I thought I knew what I wanted. I’ve been thinking all this time that if this couldn’t be a normal, traditional relationship, you would not be happy, not satisfied. And you’d tell me you weren’t interested in me anymore. I thought you would tell me you couldn’t do it.”

You almost interject; tell him that’s never what you expected of him. You wouldn’t never do that. Why didn’t you say that before? Instead, you used the hypothetical “if you weren’t who you are” question on him. You remain quiet, though, hoping he continues.

“…what I’ve been doing isn’t much better than what I’ve been afraid of. But you’re very smart, and I always knew that.”

You just smile at him, waiting for more.

“That’s why you were so worried when you found out who I was. You know this is much more complicated than that.”

Seungmin goes quiet after that, relaxes against the arm of the couch. You’re on the opposite side, doing the same. You watch each other carefully , but nobody makes a move, and nobody starts to speak.

You wonder if there was something you could have done to avoid all of this drama. Four and a half months of wondering; of being so down you can barely make it to work some days. Both of you have been really bad at this.

“Yes, I know it’s complicated.”

He’s biting his lip. Tapping his foot. It’s almost touching you, and you want to stretch your leg out until it does, but right as you tell your brain to do it, his leg slides back. He sits up and leans forward, falls to his knees, and crawls across the couch.

Before you can squeak his name out, he’s straddling you, arms on either side of your waist. And then the full weight of his body is on you. Seungmin sets his head down gently against your chest and relaxes.

You freeze for a few seconds. You have fallen asleep on this couch with him before, but this feels like much more.

He doesn’t say anything, not even when you set your hand on his head—rake your fingers through his hair, wrap your other arm around his shoulders. He sighs, though.

When it feels like you’re drifting off to sleep, he finally speaks. It’s muffled against your shirt.

“You just want me, right?”

“What?”

“Even if nobody is allowed to know. And we can’t go out in public, and I have to pretend you don’t exist.”

“Seungmin, I know that we can’t have a normal relationship. I just want you…and to know that you want me.” You say the last part under your breath.

“I do.”

“You do?”

“Yes. I promise I’ll be better. And that I won’t be afraid to talk to you, and tell you too much.”

“You can tell me whatever you need to.”

“I don’t usually talk much…to anyone.”

It never occurred to you that he didn’t have someone to talk to when he was feeling down, or having a bad day. A bad week. He’s been bottling everything up, just like you have. Maybe for a very long time.

“You can talk to me about your bad days, Minnie, or when you can’t sleep. And about your good days. I would like to be that person.”

“Am I the reason you had a rough day yesterday? Have you had a lot of those?”

“Yeah, I have had a lot of bad days because I missed you.”

“You can tell me about your bad days, too. Even if they were bad because of me.”

“Don’t worry, I will.”

Seungmin laughs, and it shakes your whole body. “Good.”

☾⋆⁺₊⋆

The next morning is almost normal. Your alarm goes off at its regular time—6:45, and you’re tired, which is also normal. The room is chilly, and it’s so warm under the blankets that getting up is nearly impossible. An ordinary morning. The one thing that makes it different is that Seungmin is there when you open your eyes.

The alarm doesn’t even make him stir, but when you finally turn it off, he groans.

“I’m sorry, go back to sleep.”

“Are you going to work?” He asks, eyes closed, voice raspy with sleep.

“No, not today. I found someone to cover for me.”

He smiles and reaches his arm toward you, and he feels blindly around where he thinks you might be. “Why are you so far away?”

You move closer and grab his arm, “I’m right here. Go back to sleep.”

“I’ll try.”

…

Sleep eventually finds both of you again. When you wake back up a few hours later, he’s still there, breathing deeply, melting into your bed. You need to get up, but you wait a little longer. You really don’t want to wake him right now.

When he eventually wakes up on his own, he’ll feel better.

You close your eyes. And again, you fall asleep.

…

Something warm against your forehead wakes you up for a third time. Your eyes open and all you see is skin; Seungmin’s neck, his shoulder. The collar of his shirt is loose enough that you can see the start of his chest.

You pull him closer and push your face into him. He smells good. He smells like sleep and sweat and whatever leftover cologne is still stuck to him from yesterday.

Part of you still wants to keep your guard up. He’ll be gone soon, and then you’ll have to wait and see if his confidence and trust in you remains, and if he’ll really feel comfortable telling you the things he doesn’t tell anyone else.

“I can start,” you say, face still in his chest. You move up toward his neck and set your lips against his skin.

“Start what?”

“After we were together last, in Chicago, and we didn’t…use a condom. I did get a morning after pill, and I took it.”

He pulls you away so he can look at you.

“My period came really late after that, so I thought it didn’t work. And I was really scared. But I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t tell you because we hadn’t talked very much that week, and you didn’t need that on your mind anyway.”

“I’m sorry you had to deal with that alone.”

“Everything turned out okay.”

“You can talk to me any time you need to, even if I’ve been quiet.”

You nod, and you really want to believe him.

“Too soon for babies.” He whispers, just loud enough for you to hear him. He has a little smirk on his face, but he’s avoiding eye contact and staring at the little bit of space between you.

“You want them?”

“Hm?” Now he makes eye contact, and his ears are slowly turning red. “Uhm…yes, I always have. Do you?”

Having kids isn’t something you’ve thought about much (aside from the scare you had in July), because you haven’t met anyone you would want to have kids with. Well, until now, because looking at Seungmin and the sweet smile on his face is making you want them immediately. But you know that’s not possible for him.

“With the right person, yeah.”

“I’m sure someday I’ll be able to do that. Have the time to be there, for both of them. You and baby. I couldn’t be gone all the time and leave you alone.”

He stops for a second. You wonder if he’s even hearing himself speak.

“…Seungmin?”

“It was my turn to tell you something personal.” He brings his hands up to his face and rubs his cheeks, then his eyes. “Just in case I’m the right person.”

The conversation feels like too much, too soon. But you like it. He’s only been open with you like this once before: on your second date, when he admitted to being worried you’d like his friends more than him. You thought that was silly then, and now…you’re not sure you could like anyone more than Seungmin.

“…and if I’m your right person.”

Seungmin smiles and hides his face in the pillow.

———

As the day goes on, you wonder how long he’ll be here with you. Every time he looks at a message on his phone, you assume that will be his cue to get going—to start saying goodbye. But he’s still here, and he seems content.

It was his idea to stay, and he insisted on making breakfast.

“What do you normally do on your days off?” is what he asked as you sat and ate.

So it’s been a regular day off, aside from the fact that Seungmin is also here with you…eating, cleaning, sorting laundry, watching tv, and eventually, catching up with schoolwork.

He sits down next to you on the couch when you open your binder and pull out a stack of papers. He watches quietly as you shuffle though them, putting the pages in order before you start to look them over properly.

He picks the next one up before you get to it. “How old are your students again?”

“They are eight…a few are nine.”

“I don’t remember my English classes being this complicated when I was…older than them.”

“You should see their math homework.”

“Oh, I was very good at math!”

“Yeah?” You look at him, give him your full attention. “There’s so much I don’t know about you.”

“Not even what’s on the internet?” Seungmin leans back against the couch, and pulls you with him.

“I’ve read a few things. But I’m sure you’re a lot more complicated than your fun facts.”

“I hope so.” He grabs you around the waist, “what were you good at in school?”

“English…” you laugh. “And I did pretty good in my German class, and history.”

“Do you speak German, too?” He’s holding you tight, head resting on your shoulder.

“No, I’ve forgotten almost all of that.”

“Why did you come here, to Korea?

You turn yourself to look at him, disturbing his resting head. But he keeps his arms around you.

“So close to Samseong-Dong?”

“I felt like I needed to start over after I graduated college, and this seemed like the perfect way to do it. I actually almost went to Japan.”

“Why didn’t you? Where did you go to college?”

“Northwestern University. And I missed a deadline. Luckily, I already had applications submitted to a few different programs here and nearby.”

“And you chose here?”

Seungmin’s hands wander throughout the entire conversation, stopping when they reach just below where the hem of your shirt hits.

“They chose me.”

“That’s very lucky.” They slide underneath and up your back, “maybe we were meant to meet each other.”

“I’m not sure I believe in things like that.” You move yourself closer to him, until your face is inches from his.

“I don’t either, really. Fate, and soulmates. I’ve been called a…uhm, I don’t remember the English word. A negative person.”

“A pessimist?”

“Yes. Maybe sometimes I am, but…not always. I can be positive. I just like to be realistic.”

“A pragmatist.” You lean in and kiss the corner of his mouth.

“Mhm, both of those P words. I did get lucky, though.” He pushes forward, gently coaxing you to your back.

“Was it there before?” You ask. He’s hanging over you, studying your face. “Before Chicago, after I asked if you would date me?“

“Was what there? You mean, did I like you?”

“Yes, but…more than that. Or was it spending the night together?”

“It was before that. That’s why I wanted to spend the night with you.”

You nod, trying hard not to beam up at him. But his hands are on your sides, and his fingertips are moving so delicately over you, you can’t help but smile.

“When was it there for you?”

Your heart starts beating a little faster. You have no answer ready for him except the truth.

“When you gave me Pochacco.”

“On our first date? At the coffee shop?”

You throw your hands over your face and nod, “yeah, at the coffee shop.”

“I felt kind of silly giving him to you, I thought you would think it was silly, too.” He pulls your hands away so he can see your face again.

“It wasn’t.”

“So PuppyM wasn’t silly either?”

“No, I love him. And your denim jacket you left, that’s hanging on my bedpost. I love all of your gifts.”

“Oh, I forgot about that jacket!”Seungmin comes down and settles himself against you, face in your neck, hands wondering more.

“You can have it back, if you want.”

“No, you keep it. But I do need something of yours to keep with me.” His hands slide under your shirt and across your stomach. He tickles your side again, then stops when he reaches your hip.

You’re surprised at his restraint.

“I’m sure I have something for you.” You set your hand over his and slide it up his arm. Then back down.

His fingers twitch and push under your shorts. As ready as you were, and as much as you wanted him to make that move, your breath still catches in your throat.

He props himself up with his other arm and looks at you. His fingers touch lightly over your underwear, taking his time, getting himself where he needs to be.

But you’re not taking your time. And it’s Seungmin touching you, so your body is already on fire. You push your hips up and push his hand harder against you.

His fingers slide up and sneak beneath the fabric. He moves slowly, and he’s watching you carefully, as if you might protest.

But of course you don’t. You grip his arm and slide your hand from his bicep down to his wrist, moving with him as his fingers slip inside of you.

“Am I doing okay?” He leans closer and whispers. He doesn’t wait for an answer before pulling out and sliding back over your clit, making you choke on your answer.

You manage a shaky mhm and Seungmin giggles into your ear. His fingers stay put, making soft circles around you, keeping his touch as delicate as possible. Then he takes them off again, and he pushes back inside.

The reach of is fingers is enough to hit just the right spot, and when you jump from the pressure, he does it again and again until he gets a moan out of you.

You lift your hips into his touch and pull him down for a kiss. Your grip on his arm tightens and he eases up, but barely. His mouth is working its way across your neck now, leaving you free to moan.

“Do you do this a lot?” He says as he nibbles across your ear and cheek. When he gets to your lips, he hangs above you and holds your gaze. His thumb slides over your clit again, like he wanted to remind you of what he was talking about.

“Uhh…hmm?” You slide your hand up and grab a handful of his hair. “Yes.” You laugh and knead your fingertips into his scalp—it makes his eyes roll back. He’s in your neck again, savoring his little massage.

“Do you think about me when you do it?”

His question sends another wave of pleasure through you. His fingers slip inside again, pressing hard. His thumb is on your clit, wet and sliding easily and hitting everywhere you need it to.

There’s hot, heavy breathing in your ear, and a sweet whisper, “do you think about me, hm?”

“Every time,” your climax hits fast, and Seungmin knows he’s succeeded by the way you’re pulling at his hair.

He holds himself up just enough to watch you squirm beneath him. His touch softens even more as you start to relax, and when you stop and stare up at him, he comes down and kisses across your forehead and down the side of your face. He lets you catch your breath before moving to your lips.

“Really?” Seungmin blushes and tries to stifle his laugh in your neck.

You nod slowly, “that was…very good.”

“Thank you.”

“Too good, maybe.”

“I did some research.”

“You did not.” But when you think about it for a second, it does seem like something Seungmin would do. “Did you?”

���Just a little. In case I’d get to try it out on you someday.”

———

Seungmin looks carefully across your desk, touching the books stacked there, the loose sheets of composition paper, the notes and pencils. He sits in your chair and opens the drawer—inside are a few notebooks, all used and full. He shuffles things around a little, searching every inch.

Now he gets up and moves to your bookshelf. It’s more of a trinket shelf, though. Seungmin only runs his eyes over this, until he catches sight of a snow globe. He picks that up and shakes it. Inside is the Chicago skyline.

He stares at it for a long moment, then returns it to his spot. His attention turns to you, on the bed.

You just smile at him. He keeps looking around.

The next stop is your bedside table. You sit up when he sits down on the edge of the bed, run your hand down his back. As soon as he opens it, he whispers an ooh, and reaches inside.

“What did you find?” You laugh.

“Me,” he holds up three photocards with his face on them.

You take them from him and fall back on the bed, “you”, and look deeply at paper Seungmin.

“Hey, I’m right here…” he pushes your hand away and bends down to kiss you. “Real me.”

The next thing pulled from the drawer is a journal. He looks it over, but doesn’t open it.

“That’s you, too.”

Seungmin points to it, and his head tilts, “this is me?”

“Yeah, almost every page.”

His face goes from confusion to understanding, and then it falls a little.

“You should add one more page.”

“I will.”

The journal goes back in, and then his fingers close around something small. When he pulls it out, it catches the light and throws a reflection across the room.

“Oh, I haven’t worn this since last time.” You sit up and Seungmin hands you the bracelet. It’s only a tiny gold chain, but at the very end of it is a star charm.

“This.” He says, and he watches as you unclasp it, wrap it around his wrist, and close it again.

☾⋆⁺₊⋆

An hour after Seungmin left your house the last time, he sent you a text that just said “I’m home”. That was a first, and it felt like a good omen. But only time would tell. He never really had a good start with keeping in touch.

But he also said goodnight. And then he said good morning. And sometimes he called just to tell you instead of texting.

Actually, this morning, almost two months later, he called early in the morning, when you were still asleep. You caught his name on the lock screen before you picked up, but you still lacked the energy for anything more than a groggy morning Min.

Luckily, he can make up in enthusiasm what you lack some days.

“I’m sorry, you’re still asleep,” he whispers.

“No, it’s okay. I’m just being lazy. What are you up to this morning?” You also caught sight of the time before answering: 10am, way too late for you to sleep in.

“Catching a flight home, from Thailand. Waiting around.” Now you can hear the sleep still lingering in his voice.

“Oh right. I forgot you were there…I did see some photos. You looked very handsome in your safety glasses.”

“Thank you,” he laughs. “I was calling to…uhm, say good morning, and also to see if you would be home tonight.”

“Minnie, I’m always home.”

“That’s true, but it would still be rude to just show up unannounced.”

“I give you permission to show up unannounced.”

“Can I have a key, too? Oh, that reminds me…uuh, well, actually I’ll just talk to you about it later.”

“Okay, don’t forget. And yes you can have a key.”

———

This is the first time you’re not nervous about Seungmin coming over. Well, not as nervous as you typically would be. You’re still a little on edge—a little worried about how you look and about how your food is going to taste.

He didn’t mention anything about coming over hungry, but you’re taking the initiative anyway. If anything, he’ll have something to take home with him.

A soft knock at the door. You know his soft, steady knock, and you never have any other visitors, so it’s him. But for some reason you stand there stupidly, not moving, not saying anything, because you know it’s really him on the other side of your door.

Finally, after a few seconds, you take a breath. “It’s open.”

The door swings open.

“Hi,” Seungmin closes it quietly, takes off his shoes and looks at you from across the room. “It smells very good in here.”

“I wasn’t sure if you’d eaten so…”

“No, nothing since lunch.” He takes a few long strides toward you. Big blue sweatshirt, matching sweatpants, a big smile. “So I’m very hungry,” he embraces you and squeezes you tight against his chest. “How have you been?” He relaxes, but he doesn’t let you free.

“I’ve been okay...I’ve been good.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t visit around Christmas—oh!” He bends down and kisses you.

He kisses for a long time—long enough that you think you might end up in bed before you even eat dinner. But he slows down, and then releases you.

“Happy new year! A little late.” He comes down again for one more kiss, and then makes his way to the kitchen. “What did you make? Something American? It smells like something American.”

“Yes. It’s very American.”

“Should we eat first, or talk?”

“I’m sure we can manage both.”

———

The two of you stare at each other from across your tiny kitchen table. Seungmin sips his tea. You just watch and wait, because this is his conversation.

“Do you want me to start? Something about you having a key to my apartment?”

“Ah, yeah. Yes, I should have a key, but I was thinking of a different apartment.”

“Oh, like yours? No, you don’t have an apartment. Or do you?” You lean a little closer, “secret apartment?”

“No, no secret apartment,” he laughs. “But I thought it would be nice if you lived closer. Closer to the city, and closer to me.”

“That would be nice, but I’m not sure something closer is in my budget.”

“I know,” Seungmin smiles—there’s always something so clever and knowing about his smile. “I figured you might say that. I could help.”

“You want to help me with rent? Expensive rent. That’s kind of serious.”

“I do! It is serious. I am serious.”

“You are?” You sit back in your chair and study his face. He’s still smiling and nodding at you.

“Yes, I’ve been thinking about it for…almost two months. And I found somewhere I think would fit very well.”

“Closer to you?”

“Much closer. I could walk to you.”

You’re thinking, but you’re not really thinking. The obvious answer to this is yes, even though it’s hard to just come out and say it. The idea of someone else helping with rent, or helping with anything, is foreign to you. “I would like to be closer to you.”

Seungmin looks at his phone, pulls something up on it, and then slides it to you across the table. “How is something like this?”

You trust Seungmin’s taste and judgement, but you still want to look it over thoroughly. Distance, yes, but also the size, the layout. And you do not have enough windows in this apartment. You’d like more windows. If he’s as serious as he looks, it might as well be worth whatever money you’re both going to put into it.

“How about this one?” You pull up a different listing.

He looks it over, “still very close. Oh, two bedrooms. Maybe the extra space would be nice.”

“It is a little more, sorry (Seungmin shakes his head when you say that), but it has a bathtub instead of just a walk-in shower. And it’s own laundry.”

He laughs, “I could do my laundry faster if I bring it with me. And the kitchen is nicer.”

“I miss having a bathtub.” You hand him his phone back. “But are you sure this isn’t too much? I know you said you were serious—“

“I am…I want you to know that I’m very serious. I think this is a good way to show you. And it’s also very practical.”

“You seemed so unsure before. I just want you to be…good. I want both of us to be good.”

“I’m very good.”

“This is a little crazy, isn’t it? All of this.”

“Yes, it is. I’ll call about it tomorrow.”

“No, I can. Let me do that, at least.”

———

“Minnie?”

Mmhm?

You sat on the couch after dinner, and it didn’t take much time before he had you on your back. He lifts your shirt as far as this position will allow, letting his fingers dance over you—making you squirm a little from how soft his touch is.

Forming the words you want to say is much harder than you thought. They’re dancing around in your head; you’re moving them back and forth, but every way it comes together feels like too much or not enough. Maybe right now just isn’t he time.

“What’s wrong?”

You pull your shorts down, open your legs for him, then shake your head. “Nothing.”

Seungmin reaches down and feels you, slips his fingers inside, then slowly pulls them back out. He smiles against your mouth and pushes in again, just to feel how wet you are. “Are we okay here…are you comfortable?” He asks sweetly. His fingers are still inside, moving delicately.

You nod, but suddenly you remember that you are not good, and you’re not ready. “Shit, no we’re not good. We need a condom this time.”

“Oh right, we should be safe. Tell me where they are,” he adjusts his sweatpants and very carefully lifts himself off of you.”

“In my black bag, under my bed.”

You listen as he slides it out and digs around. The contents of that bag are a mystery, but the condoms you bought back in Chicago, both boxes, have to be in there still. You’re not that bad at unpacking, but if it’s something you don’t use, you’re definitely going to forget I’m about it under there forever.

When he comes back in, he has one in each hand.

“I’m….not sure which one is for me.” His voice seems a little dejected. He’s looking down at them as he approaches you.

“Oh Minnie, they were both for you. I bought these a while ago, when I didn’t know which would fit you better.”

“Oh,” he finally makes eyes contact again. His face softens a little. “Sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“It’s okay, come here.” You spread your legs again and wait for him, “I’ll put it on for you.”

He crawls back onto the couch, settles between your legs, and opens both hands, palms up, in front of you.

You take the right one and rip it open. Seungmin looks like his mind is suddenly full. His eyes are big and soft.

“Min, what’s on your mind?”

His hands are already on his sweatpants, pulling them down his hips.

“You are.”

You touch him, slide your fingertips down, and then back up. The condom goes on easily. “Does it feel okay?”

He nods and adjusts, makes himself comfortable, and lifts your legs until he has more room. He pushes in a halfway, then leans over until you’re almost nose to nose.

“Minnie?”

“Hmm?” He sets his forehead against yours.

“There’s only you.”

“Just me?” He pushes his nose into yours, “only me?” Pecks at your lips.

“Just us.”

“Only us.” Seungmin pushes the rest of the way in, waits a moment, then begins to fuck you slowly and deeply, “you’re all mine.” He whispers in your ear as he drags his lips over it.

It takes you a second to pull yourself together. Each thrust sends you upward and knocks the breath out of you, but you manage a nod.

“Tell me,” he quickens his pace. The couch shakes the end table, and you can hear the clatter of things falling to the floor. “Tell me you’re mine.”

“I’m yours.”

It comes out shaky, and it’s not good enough for you. But Seungmin is still smiling. You try again

“I’m yours,” you grab the back of his neck and hold him still, “I only love you.” Your hand grabs hair and pulls—lips close on his before he has a chance to speak.

But he sighs into the kiss. He slows down, and it feels like he’s melting into you more and more with each thrust. What little skin is exposed between the two of you slides together, damp with sweat, and Seungmin kisses every part of you he can get to in the position he’s in.

He tries to get rid of your shirt, but he can’t stop, and he has to stop to make any progress—so you clumsily lift it, and your bra, until you’re free.

His hand slides up your ribs and his fingers graze over you, but for now he just watches how he’s making your body move under him. He seems hypnotized, but eventually he blinks, and then his eyes are fixed on yours again.

The room is quiet—no ambient noise from the tv, no music, nothing. The only sounds are the heavy breaths and soft moans you’re sharing. The condom is slowing him down, keeping him here much longer, and everything feels good in this position; good enough that you’d be satisfied staying like this as long he needs it.

He made you come last time, and now you want to do the same for him.

You lift him off of you until you can see him better.

He looks you in the eyes again, satisfied and smiling. “You feel so good,” he’s back down again, mouth on your chest, kissing down until he can close his lips around your nipple. He licks and works his way back up, stopping at your throat and staying there, his warm breath hitting you. “You love me?”

Your heart jumps. It was already racing, but now you feel it everywhere. In your throat, your chest, your head. You don’t think you’ve ever told anyone that before; not so soon. It’s been a year, but tonight is only the sixth time you’ve seen him and touched him. Everything else has been texts, phone calls, video calls.

It doesn’t matter. You said it because it felt right, and it still feels right.

“Yes.”

Seungmin slows his pace. His exhales turns into a string of soft, dulcet moans. He lifts himself upright and holds your hips as he rolls into you. He comes quietly. You wouldn’t have even realized if you weren’t looking right him.

The satisfied look on his face makes your stomach swirl. You watch Seungmin smile before your eyes close, and you can hear him whisper something to you while you’re coming down from your own high.

He pulls out and carefully brings your legs together.

“What did you say?”

“I didn’t say anything, love.” He sits you up next to him and pulls your t-shirt over your head, “I was just…” he pulls you close, “nothing, it’s not important right now.”

“Will you stay here tonight?”

“Yes, I’ll stay.”

———

It’s been a long six weeks. You’re a little stressed out, but you’ve been holding yourself together very well, you think.

This apartment has been your only home for more than three years, so packing your things up and preparing to leave has been a little bit emotional. Almost everything is out of here and all that’s left are a few things you’re taking along on the last car ride.

Before this, everything was moving in slow motion and it was killing you. Now, it won’t slow down. You’re happy, and you’re grateful for everything that Seungmin has done for you…and it’s still sometimes hard to believe he’s doing it all just for you. But it’s so much all at once.

He told you he would stay tonight—your first night there. You haven’t received a text telling you otherwise, so you’re hoping he will be there when you arrive. You do have to remember that you’ll be there alone most of the time, though.

Some things will remain the same.

———

The elevator ride up is long, and you think back to you and Seungmin—your first date, bringing him home with you to your 5th floor apartment, thirty minutes out of the way, just to have him to yourself.

That was probably a good indication that he liked you. You just didn't realize it at the time.

You finally stop at the 17th floor.

The original apartment you looked at was unavailable when you called the next morning, so Seungmin insisted on taking everything into his own hands while you were at work. He knew what you were looking for, but he went overboard.

This apartment has the windows, the bathtub, and laundry room, but it also has double the space—and three bedrooms. When you asked what you were supposed to do with all of the extra room, Seungmin shrugged and said we’ll figure something out.

You don’t even own enough to fill up half of it. Everything that required any sort of muscle; the bed, the living room furniture, it all stayed behind. Most of the things in this apartment are new, or they will be new.

Before you have a chance to explore any further than the kitchen, you hear a very faint, soft knock on the door. You know it’s him and you run to open it, but he punches in a code on the doorknob, turns it, and peeks in before you get there.

“I tried to beat you here.” He smiles.

“You almost did.“

He closes the space between you and pulls you into a hug. “How was your day? Did the movers get everything here?”

“It was alright, and…I think so, but I haven’t gotten any further than this.”

“Just alright? I know it’s been a lot lately.”

“I’m better now that I’m here, and you’re here.” You take his face in your hands and squeeze his cheeks, “let me see, smile.”

Seungmin smiles widely and dramatically, and then bends down to kiss you. “How do I look?”

You pull him back for another one, “still handsome.”

He picks up the bags he walked in with and sets them on the kitchen chair. “I brought us dinner, and a few things to make you feel more at home.” Seungmin is pulling the food out of the bag, piece by piece. “So you didn’t see the bedroom yet?”

“Not yet, why?”

He shakes his head and smiles, “we’ll see it later.”

“What did you bring me?”

“Oh, let’s see!” He starts digging in the other bag.

You watch as he carefully places an assortment of things along side the food. There’s a candle, two candles, a small picture frame, but you can’t see the photo from where you’re standing. A stuffed dog. Another stuffed dog. One of them is Pochacco, the other is a mystery, but he does look familiar.

“That’s all for now but I do have more stuff to bring.”

“Well, we have plenty of space to fill.”

He beams at you, grabs one of the stuffed dogs, and pulls you against him. “This wasn’t mine, but I have one just like it.”

“I like him, he looks like you.”

Seungmin laughs and looks at Daengmo, “yes, he kind of does.”

———

When the sun goes down, and you’re both full and relaxing, you begin to feel even more nostalgic for the conversations you had and the memories you made with him at your old place, on your old couch. You have to work on new memories now.

He’s facing you on the new couch, eyes closed, slow, steady breaths. The flicker of the tv is hitting his face, making his cheek and the soft brown of his hair glow.

Very slowly, you reach your foot out and touch his.

Seungmin’s eyes open, and he gives you a sleepy smile, “how was dinner?”

“Good.” You sit up and move closer to him, “we should go to bed while you’re still sleepy.”

He groans and shrugs his shoulders.

“We gotta go see the bedroom, remember?” You grab his hand and pull a little, and he immediately gives in.

The bedroom is warm and cozy, like it’s already been lived in. You know Seungmin came in at some point and made it this way; the curtains are pulled, the soft amber lights are clicked on, and one of the candles he brought is lit on the bedside table. Both of the stuffed dogs he brought, and your PuppyM, are already laying on top of the pillows.

The bed is made, but not too made. The blankets are loose and fluffed up, ready to crawl into.

“How does it look?” He sounds a little more awake now.

“It looks perfect, come on.”

He shakes his head, “If we don’t brush our teeth now, we will never get back up to do it.” He smiles and kisses you softly.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

———

The lights are off, the candle is out. Seungmin is facing you in bed.

“Are you awake? Did you lose your sleepy?”

“A little.”

He scoots closer until his arm can drape over you. The bedroom is bigger, and the bed is bigger, too. You’re sharing one side just to be close to each other.

“It will come back soon.”

You set your forehead against his chest and feel it move steadily with each breath. It's quiet for a long time, and now sleep is really escaping you. You should be able to relax like this; you’ve shared a bed with him a few times before, and you haven’t slept as well since. And you’re tired—too tired. Maybe too exhausted for sleep.

You wonder if he’s awake, or if he’s quiet because he thinks you’ve finally drifted off.

You run your hand gently over his arm, waiting for a reaction. At first, he doesn’t make a move or a sound, but when you slide your hand back up, he moves his leg against yours.

“Can’t sleep?” He whispers

“Did I wake you?”

“You didn’t.”

“Then no, I can’t sleep.” You prop yourself up on one arm and look down at him. It’s dark, but you can just make out the details of his face.

He flips onto his back and pulls the covers away. “Are you uncomfortable?” Seungmin asks and places his hand on your cheek. He’s warm, his eyes are warm. His mouth parts slowly and turns into a smile. It’s a tired smile. “New bed.”

“New everything.”

“Except for me.”

Your hand closes around his, then you turn your head to place a kiss on the inside of his wrist. “Thank you for being here. I know you’re on a tight schedule.”

Seungmin pulls you down on top of him. His face is in your neck, kissing playfully and lazily, but the way his hands are exploring you is anything but lazy.

“You’re cold,” he stops, wraps his arms around your waist, and holds you there. “You need to be warmed up.”

You get your hands underneath his shirt, “you’re warm enough for both of us.”

“I can share.”

“Can I ask you something stupid?”

“Yes, I would love that,” he laughs softly and disappears in your neck again.

The stupid question bounces around in your head. His warm lips on you are starting to make your head fuzzy, and you wonder if you should just forget it. But now he’ll get it out of you somehow.

“Will you sing for me?”

He pulls back to look at you. Seungmin’s face lights up. It could light up the entire room. “You want me to sing for you?” If he was sleepy at all before, he’s not now. You’ve managed to wake him the rest of the way with a simple, stupid, request. But it wasn’t stupid at all.

“I always have, it just never seemed like a good time.”

“Right now? Should I sing now? Maybe it’s too quiet, and the walls might not be very thick.”

“In the morning?”

He nods, “yes, I’ll sing for you in the morning. What should I sing?”

“Surprise me.”

“We talked about singing together before, remember?”

“I remember,” you wrap around him and pull the covers back up in an attempt to get him sleepy again. “But I’d rather just hear you.”

☾⋆⁺₊⋆

[kiibichio]

PLAY DATE ✩ M. STURNIOLO

OVERVIEW ;; you and matt are friends w/ benefits, so he hits you up .. you walk to his house and have a “play date” !!

CONTAINS ;; matt x fem reader, sub&dom ! matt, fwb ! matt, pet names, oral (m ! receiving), use of y/n, unprotected sex, angst (?) near the end !! (that’s it i think??)

kiki speaks ;; okay so this was based on THIS tik tok because omg he’s soooo. but anyways… ENJOYY (also this is my first smut EVER so please excuse me if it’s kinda sucky) PART TWO OUT NOW!!

date published ;; 02.17.24

not proofread !!

——————————————————————————————

5:57 pm.

i lie in my bed, excruciatingly bored. watching some show that i have little interest in, when i get a text from one of my friends, matt.

“hey, are you free rn?” the text read.

me and matt had been friends ever since he moved to los angeles. i also got along with his brothers well, so we would always hang out and go places together. a few months after becoming friends with them, i broke up with my ex-boyfriend and got closer to matt.

one day, matt and i had a conversation and decided we wanted to try some things, so we hooked up. without feelings. which brings us here. friends with benefits. although i might just be breaking that ‘no feelings attached’ rule, but he doesn’t need to know.

“yea?? whats up?” i reply

“chris and nick are gone. come over?” he asks

“sure, just give me like 5 minutes” i sent back

finally. ive been waiting for his text all week. last time we spoke was like 4 days ago. i quickly put on some light makeup, a cute & comfy outfit, spray perfume and head out the door. the triplets only lived about 2 minutes away from me so, i could just walk there. which i did often and most definitely will do now.

once i arrive at the triplets’ home, i give the door a knock and it opens, with matt standing on the other side of it.

“hey matt-” i get cut off by him grabbing me by the waist and kissing my harshly in the doorframe.

“sorry. just couldn’t wait.” matt smirks, licking his lips while closing and locking the door.

“i can tell.” i spoke, a smirk crawling on my face too.

“c’mon. my room.” he demanded and grabbed my arm, dragging my to his room.

he brings me to his room and sits on the bed. i close the door behind us and walk over to straddle him.

“missed you, y/n. haven’t seen you in 4 days. ive been so busy-” he explains, holding my hips as i hover over him.

“shh.. matt we’re here now.” i speak before moving my mouth onto his, resulting in a rough, heated kiss, which turned into a make out. our tongues moving together in rhythm, exploring each others mouths.

i start grinding over his clothed cock, trying to gain some friction, letting out soft moans.

“hmm.. you like that, matt?”

“shit… yes- fuck” he breathes out

i continue my movements, going back and forth on him. i quickly slip my shirt and jacket off, matt following me and taking off his shirt as well. i unclasp my bra, matt took a nipple in his mouth almost as soon as i took it off.

“ah- fuck- someone’s impatient.” i groan out

“mhm..” he mutters

i feel his dick start to twitch under me, signing that he was close. i speed up my movements. he grabs my hips tightly and comes right on the spot.

“oh shit..” he moans

i move off of him and onto my knees, rubbing his cock through his pants.

“look at you, so fucked out already.. haven’t even gotten to suck you off yet.” i smile sinisterly

“don’t tease me, y/n.” he breathes

“oh don’t worry.. i won’t for long.”

i swiftly pull down his sweatpants and boxers and grab his cock. i kitty lick the tip then slowly lap a long stripe from his base to the tip before taking all of him between my lips.

“oh- god! mgh fuck- y/n.. don’t stop. shit!” matt moans out.

i bob my head up and down on his cock, letting out soft, quiet, noises, sending vibrations down it and making him shudder. my tongue hit every vein on him, very slowly. i continue my motions, making direct eye contact with him the whole time until i feel his dick start to twitch in my mouth.

“fuck, im close..” matt mutters.

“cum in my mouth, matt. i wanna take it all.”

with that, he shoots out white, thick ropes of cum down my throat.

“s’good for me, matt.” i tell him, sweetly, while standing up and taking my pants and underwear off.

“mhm…” is all he manages to get out while still sitting on the edge of the bed.

“now get on your back so i can ride you.” i say sternly, walking over to him

“yes ma’am” he chuckles under his breath

he moves to the middle of the bed, lying on his back. i hover over him, giving him wet, sloppy kisses all over his face and throat area. most definitely leaving marks.

i then lined him up with me and sunk down on him. when he bottomed out, we both let out a string of moans.

“shit matt..”

“oh you’re so good. fuckkkk”

as i take all of him in me, i wrap my hands around him and rest my head in the crook of his neck, waiting to adjust to his size. no matter how many times we do this, ill never get used to it.

once i was ready, i started moving up and down on top of him, trying to pace myself.

“mghh…. matt.”

“holy shit.. mm you’re so good. so perfect for me,” he whimpered, “taking me so good oh my god.” he continued to moan.

those words made me instantly clench around his cock as i bounced on it, speeding up my pace. the room filled with grunts, moans, curses and the sounds of our skin slapping.

my legs were starting to give out and my bounces got sloppier, matt noticed this and flipped us over. now we were in missionary, with him pounding into me relentlessly.

“oh fuck fuck fuck fuck matt” i managed to moan out

“yea.. mhm got tired after a couple of ups and downs huh?” he grunts

“ohhh matt shittt”

“that’s right, y/n. say my name. uh huh”

i came about as soon as he said that, but he kept going, chasing his high.

soon, his thrusts got slower, indicating that he was close.

“cum inside me, matt. i wanna take it.”

“oh fuck y/n. fuck” he groans, while his cum fills me up and falls on side of me.

we both lay there for a while, out of breath before matt speaks up.

“you can go now.. if you want.” he says

hearing that kind of broke my heart. i knew we weren’t supposed to have real feelings for each other but geez.. am i just some toy to him?

“are you serious? you just told me you ‘missed me so much’, but you’re letting me leave just like that? am i just some sort of play date to you?” i ask, sitting up. anger, sadness and confusion written all over my face

maybe i shouldn’t have said that.

——————————————————————————————

kiki speaks (again) ;; urmmm I DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THISSS UGH 😭 i hope i did good and you guys enjoyed but this is my FIRST EVER SMUT AND FIC SO GO EASY ON ME. i would also really love tips from other writers bc idkkk. but TOODLES !! (p.s. DO U GUYS WANT A PT. 2 OF THIS BC IK I KINDA ENDED W A CLIFFHANGER-ISH TYPE THINGY??)

tag list ;; .. empty for rn 🍵

[whore4gwen]

FAREWELL｡･ﾟ･

Larissa x Fem!reader

Tags: Angst

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

(4 months ago)

The blood rushed from your face, leaving you ghostly pale as you stared at Larissa's text.

We're over?

You felt hot tears well in your eyes as you read in disbelief. Had you done something wrong?

Was there someone else?

You texted and called Larissa, over and over and over, and nothing. Maybe you really weren't good enough anymore.

8 months gone to complete waste.

(4 months later)

You pulled the key from the ignition as you tossed your seat belt the opposite direction.

You hurriedly locked the car and walked up the steps of the porch.

Once you got inside you threw your bag Gods know where and went straight to the half empty bottle of wine on the kitchen counter.

Lately, liquor has been the only thing that's been able to help you wind down.

You grabbed the bottle, not bothering to use a wine glass and began to guzzle the liquid.

You made your way to the couch as your phone began to buzz.

Your eye brows drew together causing a perfect crease to form over your forehead. You skeptically walked and picked up my phone.

Your heart nearly dropped when you read who the text was from.

Larissa?

You thought.. you thought surely she would have blocked you by now.

You wanted to delete her contact and not waste your time reading whatever she has to say. But it's almost like your fingers have a mind of their own as they select her contact and open her message.

You began to nervously chew on your nails as your eyes scan over the text.

'Would you be interested in meeting up tonight?'

No, well yes.

I shouldn't, I know I shouldn't, but what if?

What if something happens?

'Sure.'

You reply nervously. You waited a couple minutes so you didn't seem desperate.

Instead of continuing the conversation further, Larissa just heart reacted to your message.

(2 hour skip)

You tugged down on my skirt as your approached the entrance of the restaurant Larissa chose.

You've not been here with Larissa since your half a year anniversary.

The memories of that night flood through your mind.

You give a brief smile to the waitress as she walks you to a table, that's seated for two.

You cross your legs as you sit and open your menu and patiently wait for Larissa.

Before you could check the time on your watch, you felt a hand brush up against your shoulder as Larissa came into your vision. She gave you a polite smile and sat right in front of you.

Your knees nearly touched.

Larissa looked beautiful as ever.

"How are you darling?" Larissa asks, making you wince slightly.

Darling.

You haven't been called such a name in quite awhile.

"Fine, how are you?" You return the question.

"Well I've been all over the place really, there's a new student at Nevermore, and oh my, she just loves causing problems." Larissa sighs.

You hum in acknowledgment as she finishes talking.

You probably should say something but you're unsure of what to say.

Why did you leave me?

Was there someone else?

Did you break up and that's why you texted me?

You chewed your lip nervously, thinking about all the reasons why Larissa could've messaged you.

"Would..." Larissa starts as her voice slowly gets quieter.

"Would you like to come back to my place tonight?" Larissa asks, averting her gaze.

Yes!

No...

No.

"I don't... I don't think I will." You mumbled quietly.

Larissa looked down in disappointment and shame. "If that's what you want then so be it." Larissa cleared her throat as she spoke unconvincingly.

After Nevermore you were all Larissa had, well not that you are hers, not after what happened, not after what Larissa did.

Larissa wanted to be offended, but did she really have the right? After all she is the one that called a quits.

A uncomfortable silence engulfed the two of you. It was almost unbearable.

Why was Larissa here? Why did she text you? Why did you show up?

The decision had been made but neither of you moved a muscle.

After a moment you looked up to see Larissa already looking at you. Your eyes were caught with hers, you wanted to look away, really you did, but you couldn't. A moth drawn to a flame.

"I..." you went to speak but your breath hitched in the back of your throat. Each and every word, completely forgotten. Even after not seeing Larissa in for months she still makes your knees weak.

"You should probably go." Larissa said, finishing your sentence. The ache in her voice not going unnoticed.

"Right." You mumbled, blushing slightly as you tore your gaze from Larissa's captivating eyes.

"I probably should." You said, as you grabbed your pearled hand bag and stood from your seat.

Larissa watched motionless as you packed your belongings. Just like that you'd be gone again. Would she be subdued to wait another four months to see you? The thought was agonizing to her.

Larissa would never understand how she went four months without your intoxicating presence.

Well she knew, of course she knew, but how she managed? Well that was simply beyond her comprehension.

"Farewell, Larissa." You whispered softly, drawing Larissa from her scrambled thoughts.

You nearly winced at the way Larissa's name fell from your lips. A distasteful formality stuck on your tongue.

It took every fiber of your being not to leap over the table into Larissa's arms, forgiving the tragic heartache Larissa left you with.

The sides of Larissa's lips lifted into the biggest smile she could muster. Without returning the favor You turned around and began to walk away.

After getting nearly three tables away from Larissa, you stopped.

Completely still.

This was absurd.

You wanted to turn around, you wanted to look at Larissa, even if it was just one last time.

But you knew better than that. You knew if you turned around and saw Larissa, you'd never look away.

[male-fictioner]

I Want You Back

Pairing: Yandere ex-bf Zac Efron x male reader

Category: Yandere

Warnings: stalking, possessive behavior, spying, manipulation, that's it ig

Word Count: 1.1k +

A/n: I had this sitting in my drafts for the longest of times, I finally had to write it. I'm not very good at writing yandere content, as I never have written in before. But I hope you like it.

You had met Zac a long time ago through some mutual friend. At that time you didn't know how things would end up. You and Zac quickly became friends and very close and soon you realised that you might have found someone you love. 

When Zac asked you out you couldn't have been happier. You were over the moon and had a perfect date. This was 4 years ago and within a while, you had made it official with each other. 

The relationship had been great for all the while you two dated. You did not have any complaints and he treated you like a prince and showered you with all the love and gifts. This is why he was so surprised when you broke up with him almost six months ago. 

That decision came when you felt very restricted and tired in the relationship. Don't get me wrong Zac is amazing but you needed to just be alone for a while and he didn't understand that.

Over the last few months, you felt guilty about breaking up with Zac after how well he treated you and loved you. And also because it seemed like the universe wanted you to get back together too. 

Everywhere you would go, you would be forced to remember Zac. Like when you saw this cute teddy bear near the stairs of your apartment complex. It was exactly like the one Zac had won for you at the Arcade for one of your dates. The resemblance was uncanny and made you wonder if it was that very same one. At first you thought maybe it's the effect of breaking up a relationship that lasted 4 years but after a while rather than missing him less, you started missing him more.

Every now and then, you were made to revisit a sweet memory you shared with Zac. This made you reconsider your decision. Made you doubt yourself. Made you think whether breaking up with Zac was the right thing to do. Did you make a huge mistake? Will Zac take you back?

You still weren't sure if you wanted to get back with him. So you ended up deciding to find a quick and easy rebound. Maybe this would help you move on.

Finding a rebound was not difficult at all. Guys nowadays want a quick and NSA fuck mostly. So you hooked up with a good looking guy you found on Grindr. 

This guy was so nice and sex with him was also amazing. After Zac you really hadn't been much physically or emotionally available for anyone and this was a welcome change in your life.

After you guys hooked up, this man asked you if you wanted to go out sometime. You really liked him so you agreed for the date. 

You and him texted back and forth for a couple of days. After careful consideration for both your schedules, you decided on a date, which was a week later. 

Imagine your shock when you showed up to the venue that was discussed, after dressing up nice and sexy, the man did not show up. Not only that, he did not respond to any of your texts, or pick up your call. After waiting almost an hour, you concluded that you had been ghosted. 

Feeling sad due to you getting stood up, you started going back home dejected. And you were standing face to face with the last person you had expected to see. 

“Y/n, what are you doing here?” Zac asked, feigning surprise.

“I could ask you the same thing,” you quipped not wanting to admit you were almost on a date.

“Well I was just passing by. But you look really nice. Very handsome. So naturally I'm curious.” He raised his arms to show that he did not mean to grill me or something. 

“I had a date, but he stood me up.” You admitted rather sheepishly remembering how Zac never made you wait. 

“He must be a fool to miss out on a date with you. I would give anything for that opportunity.” He replied earnestly. 

Seeing him and listening to his words made you feel more guilty. “I missed you,” you whispered, just loud enough for him to hear. All your thoughts and strength went away after realising how much you had missed your ex boyfriend after the break up.

“I miss you all the time,” he confessed. This made your heart melt a little. “Did you have dinner?” 

You just shook your head to indicate ‘no’. 

“Would you like to have dinner with me?” Zac asked, hopeful that you would say yes.

You just replied, “It's a date,” and dragged him along to the closest restaurant.

Over dinner, you discussed everything, including your reason for leaving him. Zac promised to make an effort to better understand your feelings and wants. You promised to let him know if it got too much so he can dial down a little. And with the help of clear and truthful communication, you both got back together.

Well truthful communication on your side at least. Because Zac had been keeping a secret from you that he was sure he would take it to his grave.

The secret was regarding how he got you. All those coincidences that led to this serendipitous moment, were no work of fate at all. They were all in the plot of the mastermind Zac Efron. 

You finding the teddy bear that looked exactly like the one you had from the arcade was because Zac kept it there. He had to go all around the town to find that exact teddy. He had memorised your schedule and positioned the teddy bear exactly in a place where you would spot him right away at the perfect time when you would be coming home from work. He also knew that you wouldn't be able to abandon such a cute teddy bear, you just would take it home with you. And what you could never know is that this seemingly harmless teddy bear was fitted with a camera and microphone by which Zac had been able to keep an eye on his darling and make sure he is safe. And if he needed to beat anyone up if you brought them home with you (which you didn't, making Zac believe that you still love him). 

The fact that he could jerk off to your naked body was just an added benefit. He could see all your actions and he did not believe it to be wrong because he was just taking care of you. 

Every time you would see something related to Zac, it was because he had planned it that way. And he was glad he did because he finally got to have you back.

Now that he had you, he planned to never let you go away from him. No matter how far he had to go.

Your feedback and comments are highly appreciated. Also my requests are open!!

[imagine-that-100]

Chicken Shop Date | Part 5 |

By @imagine-that-100​ and @alovesreading​

Description: Matty Healy x Reader (Female) | You and your best friend Amelia came up with a very simple idea of taking celebrities on awkward chicken shop dates, and somehow, it’s managed to become both of your jobs. In the past, you’ve found sitting across from some of the biggest stars on the planet and eating chicken nuggets easy. But then Amelia manages to score you a date with the man who you’ve been obsessed with since you were nineteen; Matty Healy.

Word Count: 24.5k

A/N: Heyyyyyy, so this part is a lot. We really hope you enjoy Matty and Baby’s date! It’s finally New Year’s Eve, yayyyyyy!!! Me and A are going to go and find some holy water, but we hope you enjoy the new part and we can’t wait for your reactions. Thanks so much for reading x

| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 |

| N’s Masterlist | A’s Masterlist |

~*~*~*~ New Year’s Eve ~*~*~*~

Today is finally the day.

After 3 long months, and this last week stretching on forever, it’s finally New Year’s Eve.

And you’re feeling every emotion under the sun.

Considering you love sleeping, you got such a small amount last night because of your nerves for today. You’re sure there was excitement in your system as well that made it difficult to stay asleep, but all you know for certain was that every time you woke up your heart was racing.

You think you probably got about 6 hours in total, but you were waking up every hour or so and when you saw that it was 8am you just decided to get up because there was no way you were getting back to sleep. And you willed the hours of the day to disappear, but time seemed to be moving agonisingly slowly.

Getting ready early is never really a thing you do but today after you showered, you started getting ready at 12:30 for your date which is at 4:30. It’s probably one of the stupidest things you could have done because you had already planned your outfit with Amelia the day before and it doesn’t take you a long time to do your hair or make up.

You were ready by 2 o’clock, but you held off from putting your outfit on because you didn’t want to crumple it as you sat lounging around waiting for the time to tick away. And today time seemed to be moving even slower than it had done the past week.

How you wish you had both decided to go out even earlier so you weren’t wishing your day away.

The only thing that made the time pass a little quicker was the text you received from Matty at about 2:45 saying, If you stand me up I’m coming to your flat and making you pay for it xx

That eliminated some of your nerves because in the back of your mind there was always that seed of doubt that this date might never happen and you’d get stood up. You’d been burnt before a few years ago and the worry never really left on each actual date you’d been on since.

To keep things lighthearted, you remind him of your words from a few months earlier, Like I said I’m a professional, I’d never stand someone up x

Think of my reputation, I wouldn’t damage it. You know far too many people… You also quickly add, and just to tease him that little bit more before you see him again, you send, How would I ever get my date with George?? xxx

You can picture the way he probably bites his tongue and shakes his head when he reads that last one come through on his phone. And you’re certain it probably happened like that because his response is, You’re a little bitch xx

Thank you, I know x You reply, giggling the entire time.

God, you really can’t wait to be in his presence again. It’s bad just how much you’re craving it at this point.

You decide to tease him just once more before your date because you know you’re just putty in his hand when you’re in person, so you reply, Although, depends on what the payment is because sounds interesting xx

But even his response now makes your cheeks heat up and you want to squeal into your hands, Don’t tease or we won’t make it to the date x

Grinning like a Cheshire Cat, you text him back saying, Exactly why you’re not picking me up and I’m meeting you there xx

4:30 on the dot or there will be consequences Miss Y/L/N xx He warns you again, but it makes you even more cheeky, and you can’t stop yourself from replying accordingly.

See you at 4:31 xxx

When you check the time again after that, it’s 3 and now you can’t stop yourself from getting ready. You lay your outfit out on your bed early which mostly consists of your Miu Miu clothes that you were given.

You wanted that on to tease him with, as you know that was one of your Instagram pictures that he liked. But the weather was far too cold for a mini skirt, so instead you chose black leather pants to accompany your black bralette, which pretty much acts like a crop top, and blazer.

And just to add to it, you decided the only accessory you’d be wearing would be a black ribbon that you’re going to tie around your neck in a bow, like a choker. And you’re definitely doing this because as soon as you even mentioned it, Amelia agreed.

After slipping your Louis Vuittons on, you’re pretty much ready to go. The only thing left to do is for the clock to tick down and you’ll finally be able to have your second date with Matty Healy.

What the fuck is your life?

~*~*~*~

Getting to the restaurant a little early probably wasn’t the best for Matty’s nerves, even if it only was ten minutes. Because he lives in North, he decided that he needed to give it at least an hour and twenty minutes for the hour drive it was to get to Brixton from his.

He was so eager to leave his house after getting ready though that he wasn’t fussed about the time. But now waiting for you to arrive is slowly eating him alive.

Like you, Matty didn’t sleep well either. Although, that’s quite usual for him, last night was beyond a joke. It was almost 4am before he fell asleep the first time, and he’d woken up every hour or so filled with nerves before forcing himself back to sleep.

He got a 3 solid hours of sleep in around 7am and he woke up a little after 10am feeling a little more refreshed and he decided he should probably get ready for the day. He showered, and when he was about to put the gel in his hair he stopped himself, knowing that you really prefer his hair curly and he would do just about anything to see the smile on your face like last time when you started playing with his curls.

The clock was agonisingly slow all fucking day and it was slowly driving him insane. He kept himself busy by bothering his friends, not talking about his upcoming date with anyone but George, who knew exactly why Matty was bothering him today.

Eventually the clock hit 2 and Matty got himself ready. He decided on a suit and he was going to go one better than last time and wear a bow tie instead of a plain old boring tie. But as he was attempting to do it without his stylist Patricia’s help he was failing miserably.

After a 5 minute FaceTime with her, and him attempting about 10 times and still failing, she ended up telling him to stop stressing out and just wear it untied as it still looked good. And after much internal debate when the call ended he decided that she was right, he left it hanging around his neck undone with his top button undone too.

When his taxi arrived, he double checked he had his wallet, phone, and cigarettes before he locked up. He doesn’t even care if he’s forgotten anything, he just can’t wait to see you again.

The drive feels like it takes forever, but he doesn’t care because with each passing second he’s getting closer to you. He’s really thankful he had his PA phone up the restaurant too not long after he made the reservation to ask if there was any chance the two of you could have a semi private table, and thankfully they agreed.

He doesn’t want any distractions from you today, and he’s aware you both can get recognized while out on this date so for both your peace of mind he was glad you could get a private space to enjoy each other’s company.

When he gets there, he just can't seem to stand still but he forces himself to lean against a column outside as he mindlessly scrolls through his phone to pass the time. It’s only a few minutes left until 4:30 so he knows you’ll be arriving soon and if he doesn’t distract himself then he’ll go mad over how slow time seems to be going.

Looking at the time on his phone again has him even more nervous, because it’s now eight minutes over your agreed time so his brain has him thinking of the scenario you promised him earlier wouldn’t happen.

And he knows he should trust your words but the excitement is slowly turning into anxiety and it’s not a pleasant feeling that’s gathering at the pit of his stomach.

Matty lights up a cigarette in hopes of helping him settle down a bit, and it works but not as much as a text of your coming through does.

He sighs in relief when he reads, I’m so sorry, I fully didn’t intend on being late but I’m stuck in traffic. I’m on my way xx

Taking a drag of his cigarette, he smiles to himself just from picturing you all stunning in the backseat of a taxi on your way to meeting him. Suddenly his anxiety turns into excitement again and he just wants everyone to move over so you can rush through the streets and make it to him faster.

Just imagining how you might be in the same position as him, he sends you a reassuring, It’s okay baby, I’ll be here waiting for you xx and when you get it, you feel your soul coming back to your body.

It’s not like he’d just up and leave for you being a few minutes late but there’s that constant thought in the back of your mind that loves to remind you how the whole situation is too good to be true and considering how things have gone for you in the past, your insecurities can get the best of you.

But just that one text has calmed you down and now you’re just squirming in your seat as your Uber slowly makes its way through the streets, stopping far more than you enjoy, and you’re painfully aware of every minute ticking by.

Every time the car has stopped in the past ten minutes, your heart has been going a bit faster and once the Uber driver hits the brakes again only one road away from the restaurant, you’re just completely done with it.

Your heart feels like it’s coming out of your chest when you open the door after you’ve told the driver that you’ll be getting out right there. You’d rather walk it than wait for everyone in front of you to move.

In a haste you make it out of the car right at the door of the Atlantic and you let out a shaky breath when you glance to your left and you can see the big letters of the Brixton House.

You swear you’ve not moved quicker in your life when you walk under the bridge and past a cafe, it’s just when you take a second to breathe right in front of the Brixton House that you see him waiting at the entrance of the restaurant, fiddling with his fingers and tapping his foot anxiously on the pavement.

You feel bad when you let out a giggle looking at him all nervous, you make sure your gaze stays on him as you walk a bit further just so you can stand directly in front of him across the street. And you just can’t help but admire all of him, curls perfectly untouched for you, dressed in a black suit and black dress shoes, an undone bowtie hanging around his neck, top button of his white shirt undone.

It’s a miracle you don’t melt right there and then when his eyes finally find yours and his whole face falls in such relief as he takes a deep breath and his hand comes over his chest. The biggest smile breaks on his face and you chuckle when you see him mouth a wow at you after giving you a full look.

Biting your bottom lip, you shrug as if it’s nothing to be amazed at and without wasting another second, you take advantage of the cars having stopped in traffic to cross the road and walk straight to him.

Automatically, your arms fly around his shoulders and his find their home around your waist, and the smell of his aftershave and cigarettes drowns you completely, making your head spin. It’s right then when it fully sinks in just how much you’ve missed him and your heart just grows in your chest when he clutches you a bit tighter to his chest.

“I’m sorry,” is the first thing you say, you hate knowing you’re about 15 minutes late and that he’s definitely been overwhelmed by that nagging feeling when somebody stands you up. “I truly didn’t mean to.”

Your voice sounds so incredibly worried so he gives you a little squeeze and jokes to help you relax, “It's actually terrible, and you were the one to call me out on our first date for being late. Don’t you only live ten minutes away from here?”

Chuckling into his neck, you poke his ribs to get back at him, making him jump in your arms at the sudden attack.

You take a deep breath, loosening your grip around him and he does the same so you both lean back to look at one another with your hands still on each other. “I know, I know,” You start, your hands going from his shoulders to cup his jaw and rub circles on his cheeks, “And I feel terrible.”

Matty feels like he’s putty in your hands, you make him feel so warm inside, he finds himself just wanting more of your touch. “I’m hurt.” He adds with a pout, playfully only because he wants his joke to keep going so he can give it to you like you gave it to him on your first date.

You pout back at him, continuing with your soft touches on his skin. “I’m so sorry, it’s been a nightmare.” You love the stubble he has going on right now, he just looks so good you can’t help letting your eyes wander all over his face now that you have him in front of you again.

“Do you have an excuse?” He jokingly challenges you to say something.

You look at him with pursed lips since your only excuse is exactly the one he gave you all those moons ago, “The traffic was terrible.”

“Always traffic.” He rolls his eyes and scoffs, his dramatic reaction makes you giggle and it takes only that sound to make him smile at you, “You can just admit you weren’t ready, you know?” He points out with raised eyebrows, still trying to appear serious but his elation to having you with him again has him completely failing as it just shines through his face.

You sigh, knowing that he’s joking about it all but you still feel the need to explain yourself. “Okay, god honest truth: I started getting ready at half twelve, was ready around two, but I just didn’t put my outfit on until three, so I didn’t ruin it by lounging about in it.”

You play back the day in your head and you’re almost wincing when you continue, “I was ready to leave at quarter past three but I didn’t want to be an hour early so I made myself wait, then no Uber would connect - should’ve thought about that in advance, taxis on New Years and all - then the driver couldn’t find my flat somehow and then there was just so much traffic, so here we are now.”

Sighing, you let your hands drop in front of you and start fiddling with your fingers before you add, “If I could go back, I would've set off an hour in advance, I’m sorry.”

“Okay, take a breath.” Matty’s hands are still on your waist so he pulls you in to leave a kiss on your temple, “It’s fine, baby. Let’s go inside, yeah?” He pulls back to look at you and seeing the way your face lights up has him grinning brightly.

He takes a hold of your hand and intertwines your fingers to make your way into the restaurant. It doesn’t take more than a minute for someone to check your reservation and then walk you over to where you’re gonna be seated.

What has you surprised is the fact that the hostess walks you through the restaurant and takes you away from the crowd of people in the main area, you’re actually guided through wooden doors that have a small privé written in gold in the middle of it and behind the doors, there’s only a few people in the few tables that are scattered around the room.

It’s much fewer people compared to the main area, and you notice the tables are much far apart with pieces of furniture and wine displays in between so the chatter is quiet in the background but you’re not awkwardly alone in the restaurant.

The hostess points you to your table and you almost coo at the sight of the little candles in the middle of it. She asks you which drinks you’re having and after Matty replies with some kind of wine, he drags the chair out for you to sit.

You take your blazer off your shoulders first and hang it on the back of the chair, “Private table and all?” Your eyebrows are raised and there’s a smirk on your face as you sit and you watch him take his own seat in front of you, “Blowing me away already, Mr. Healy.”

He chuckles at your words and smirks right back at you, “Just wait until I blow you away later.”

You press your lips together in surprise, trying not to smile at hearing his antics in person and not through the screen or reading them on texts, “Starting that early, are we?”

His hand goes over the table to reach yours, softly holding it and giving it a tiny squeeze to say, “We started that days ago, baby.” and finishing off with a cheeky wink that has you biting your tongue not to react.

You’re honestly not sure how you’ll survive this date knowing how he can get and just how much every single one of his comments affect you.

You play dumb, shrugging your shoulders as you say, “I wonder who started it.”

Your words die in your mouth when he looks firmly into your eyes and replies, “You did. In your room, the night before you left.”

A few seconds of silence pass as you look at him with your mouth slightly open and he’s loving it, you can see it in the way his smirk just doesn’t seem to want to leave his face so you narrow your eyes at him as if that will do anything.

It only makes him laugh and you are about to complain about him taking the piss out of you when he lifts your hand up to give it a small kiss and then softly brings it back down on the table and starts rubbing little circles on the back of your hand.

Your eyes fall to your hands and then back up at him, you find him already giving you the sweetest smile and it makes you want to hide behind your free hand.

And he only makes it worse when he is fully silent for a little bit and all that you can see in his face is adoration as he stares at you. His eyes go from your face to what you’re wearing and he does it once more before you call him out on it.

“It’s rude to stare.” You’re smirking at him, but inside you’re just screaming at the way he’s making you feel under his burning gaze.

Your whole body feels like it’s on fire when he replies, “Sorry, just can’t stop looking at you. You look stunning baby, so beautiful.”

Trying to change it back to him, you compliment him too, “You don’t look too bad yourself.”

But it’s a failed mission for him to stop looking at every inch of you because he’s giving you another look and taking a deep breath as if you’ve just stolen all of his oxygen by just being there.

He can’t even comment on the black ribbon you have tied in a bow around your neck like a choker. His thoughts went into the gutter straight away when he saw that additional piece. Not to mention the leather, again.

“I mean…” He tries to gather his thoughts but he just can’t really be coherent, “And the leather pants too? Are you trying to kill me?”

You get a little shy then, having to look away for a second and you let a few giggles escape your lips since you can still feel his eyes on you.

“Well maybe I did it on purpose.” You play, barely able to look back at him.

Matty can only smile seeing you get this flustered in front of him, and he can’t believe he’s got you finally in front of him. “I’ll die a happy death then.”

You close your eyes, unable to look at him and not squeal. It makes you shake your head, the chokehold he has you on, and when you do it, you can hear him chuckle.

“What?” He asks, amused at your actions.

“Nothing.” You reply, gathering yourself and slowly opening your eyes but they quickly move to the door the staff seemed to go through, “Where’s that wine when I need it?”

It seems like you’re saved by the bell when a waiter comes through the door with the bottle Matty asked for and a corkscrew in his free hand. Your glass is the first to be poured and you say a small thank you as you watch Matty’s glass fill too. The waiter asks you both if you’ve had a nice day and your heart feels like it's about to burst when Matty says, “It's a lot better now.” and he looks over at you.

At this point, you just know that your cheeks are going to be burning for this whole meal. There’s no doubt your feelings are written all over your face, so you just pray he takes some pity on you and you’re not sitting in your flustered embarrassment on this date.

Both you and Matty discuss the food for a little while, both saying how good everything sounds before you eventually settle on what you’re having. After you both order your food when the waiter comes back over, your eyes end up on your hands that are now interlocked across the table and Matty keeps subtly running his thumb over your skin.

It baffles you for a second how you didn’t even notice the both of you were sitting like that when the waiter was taking your orders. You’re not used to any public displays of affection really anymore, but the way this all feels so natural to you right now is really heart warming.

There's that little seed of self sabotage that has you wanting to pull your hand away from his once you realise, but you push that to the back of your mind and let yourself be happy.

Giving his hand a squeeze, you start saying, “Can you believe it’s finally New Years Eve? We’re finally here?”

“It’s about time.” There’s absolutely nothing that can wipe the smiles off your faces, and you’re quite sure no one would be able to properly say who has the biggest grin on their face.

“I feel like I’ve been waiting ages.” You admit truthfully, still pinching yourself over the fact that the day has finally come and you’re sat across from him.

Matty hums in agreement, continuing to make his touch known on the back of your hand. “Was it just me that thought this past week dragged on?”

“No, it really did.” You nod as you also have thought the same thing, like it was a poor joke made by high powers.

“I feel like Christmas was about a month ago.” Matty chuckles, and it makes you remember what you have in your bag for him.

“Oh,” You sit up a little straighter, and you very reluctantly let go of Matty’s hand so you can get your bag, “I have something for you.”

He’s a bit taken aback, scolding himself for not bringing anything to give you on the date, “Oh no, what is it?”

But he breathes a bit better when you say, “Your belated Christmas present.”

The way you’re looking at him with glimmery eyes full of anticipation has him cooing at you internally, but he’s quick to remind you of his words in the past days when you’d mentioned this very situation happening, “Baby, I told you not to get me anything.”

“Yeah okay, I get that,” You hold your hands up a little in surrender but carry on regardless, “But these really screamed you and when I saw them I couldn’t not get them for you. They’re just a bit of fun, okay? Don’t tell me off.”

You hand him the little box that’s wrapped in red and white striped paper and when he gets it, he holds it to his chest, “You really didn’t have to.”

Scrunching your nose at him because you just think he’s so cute, you assure him it’s really not a problem, “It's still not enough but I’ll make up for it with your birthday.”

“Planning on sticking with me for that long?” Matty makes it seem like he’s all jokes about it, like it’s just teasing but the prospect of you actually wanting to stay for long has his heart beating out of his chest.

You get a bit shy when you know what you suggested means, so hiding a bit into yourself you answer with a question, “If you want me to?”

He settles you rather fast when he winks at you as he says, “As long as you want to, baby.”

You shyly nod the tiniest bit before you look at the unopened present in his hands and tell him, “Come on, open it. I want to see your reactions.”

His fingers swiftly pick at the tape that’s holding the paper together and once he takes it all off, he’s met with a little box of lighters which he can see have little messages written on them and just giving them a quick glance, he’s already smiling to himself.

“Oh, these are fun.”

Matty can’t help but grin seeing what all of these lighters say. Theres five in this pack you’ve got him, and they say, Fuck your nudes send me fitpics, I wonder if life smokes after it fucks me, and, Ash is our purest form. He can’t help but think, Come on baby light my fire, is very fitting but Matty’s ultimate favourite says, If you wanna fuck smile when you give me the lighter back.

“Do you like them?” You can’t help but ask.

Matty nods, glancing at you before looking back to the lighters, “I really do.”

You then watch your date take them out of the box they came in, and he tests one quickly, something that's just as common as writing your name first when you get a new pen, and he smiles when they work. And you’re glad they do.

But then Matty passes you one with his grin getting bigger and you don’t even have to look at it to know that its the one about smiling if you want to fuck. And whilst you do, you’d like to have this date first.

“No,” You shake your head, trying your best not to laugh at him, “Not right now.”

Matty can’t help but laugh at you trying to keep the grin off your face as you hand it back to him. He pretends he’s innocent when he asks, “Why?”

He doesn’t want to take it back from you, but you’re insistent when you offer it back to him, “It doesn’t count if you do it right now.”

Matty frowns a little at that, not taking it back from you just yet. Instead, he cackles, “Since when does this have rules?”

“Since I just established them.” You raise your eyebrows at him and hold it out to him.

Matty’s frown persists, “That’s unfair.”

“You’re not allowed until later.” You shake your head, trying not to laugh at this but you’re almost failing miserably.

“How much later are we talking?” Matty asks curiously with a cheeky smile on his lips as he takes the lighter off you.

“You’re insufferable.” You laugh a little as you shake your head.

Instead of letting that be it though, Matty grabs your hand and intertwines your fingers across the table again and as he does, he raises his eyebrows and grins, “Oh am I? Tell me more.”

“How does everything manage to fuel your ego?” You sigh, not stopping the smile from taking over your face.

You absolutely adore the way he instantly starts caressing your hand.

“You should know this by now baby.” Matty smiles, and hearing the nickname he has for you again makes your heart leap.

“Right.” You nod, knowing you should. But you try to warn him off making this date too overwhelming for you, “Remember, I know many other things… So stop teasing.”

Matty knows that you’re alluding to your pictures that he likes, but he can’t help trying to make you go all embarrassed. He lets his eyes glance down to what you’re wearing again before they run back up to your gorgeous eyes, and he cheekily grins, “Don’t need your Instagram when you look like this in front of me.”

You use your free hand to rub your eyes, taking a second for a deep breath before you look back up at him. His grin is huge but you're trying to be serious when you tell him off, “Stop because I’ll combust before the starters even come out.”

“That quick?” Matty chuckles.

You bite your tongue before raising your eyebrows to warn him, “I’ll make sure to remember that later.” and both of you start laughing.

When the starters arrive, you and Matty chat about your Christmases and your families. Discussing where the both of you fit into your family dynamics is quite funny, and the way Matty describes what his family is like and how he talks about them makes your heart warm.

Matty loves hearing your stories though. Your various anecdotes about this Christmas and ones earlier in your life have him giggling and it makes him long to make memories with you.

He also loves the way you talk about Amelia. It really seems like you value her just as much as he does the boys, and the love you both have for your friends is nothing but a green flag.

After your plates are taken away, you end up talking a bit about his US tour as he had a few more funny anecdotes he hadn’t told you yet. You have your questions for him, and Matty answers them all honestly with a smile on his face, he can’t help but find it cute how curious you are, not just for the stories but how you also check if he enjoyed what he was up to.

“You know what I think is a crime?” You ask just after a question about his tour, so Matty can’t help chuckle at the complete switch in direction of the conversation.

He asks, “What?”

“That you don’t sing This Must Be My Dream live.” You call him out on it because it’s something you think needs to be addressed, for your sake and everyone else who wants to hear it.

Matty bursts out laughing at that, making you start giggling as well as his laugh is just one of pure and utter joy. You could honestly listen to it forever.

When he calms down, he asks, “Is that your favourite?”

“Maybe on that album, but don't distract me,” You smile but shake your head, not letting him change the subject, “I want you to play it on the UK tour. Preferably a day I'm in the crowd.”

Matty chuckles at that, expecting nothing less. And despite the fact it’s not going to happen, he double checks, “London, Manchester, and Newcastle, right?”

This makes you grin, finally having the upperhand with something to tease him with for a second, “And you say I'm obsessed with you? You’ve remembered all the dates I’m coming to.”

And you take a successful sip of your wine as a mini celebration for getting that in there. Matty loves the smug look you give him, but he can’t help but ruin it and bring it back around on you.

“You say that like you haven't paid to see me perform.” Matty chuckles, taking a sip of his own wine before continuing, “Which you don’t need to do… You can sell the tickets or gift them to someone if you want. I’ll put you on the guestlist.”

“Damn,” You can’t help but grin hearing that, “This must be going well if I'm already guestlist approved.”

And you really think it is going well. There’s never been a moment of silence between you other than when you’re taking a second to compose yourself after he’s just been overly flirty with you. And even then it's both of you trying not to laugh at your reactions. You love how this date is going, and you’re pleased Matty thinks so too.

“Of course.” Matty nods, reaching over the table for your hand again which you happily give him.

It really reminds you of that bit on your first date where he said ‘we’re all a bit needy’ and you really relate to that especially today. You’re glad he wants to touch you, it feels so much nicer than any other date that you’ve been on in the past.

You feel genuinely wanted by him. And that in itself makes your heart beat so much faster for him.

Matty decides to allude to something interesting that he knows you don’t know about yet. “And those shows are going to be interesting ones anyway.”

Your eyes somehow get brighter when they go wide. You have to ask, “In what way?”

“I can’t spoil the surprise,” Matty shakes his head, his curls almost going in his eyes as he does, but he’s not giving you anything. “It’ll give you something to look forward to.”

You smile, “More like it gives me incentive to come home from LA.”

“Yeah.” Matty nods.

That certainly played a little part in why he didn't want to tell you anything. Because he genuinely wants you around him for as long as possible and using your love for the band could ensure that. But mostly because he really wanted it to be a nice surprise for you.

Even though he would have you backstage beforehand, so you’d probably end up guessing the surprise. But still, the thought of you even being there backstage fills Matty with so much joy he can imagine himself trying to keep you around for as long as possible.

“I can’t believe you’re not going to tell me more.” You press your lips together and look down pretending to be hurt by it.

Matty chuckles at that, and he gives your hand a squeeze before admitting, “I like to keep you guessing.”

“Yeah,” You nod, giggling a little knowing that he really does. “So is Belfast going to be special because I’m bringing Amelia along for that one for her birthday, don’t forget.”

Your date chuckles but nods, “I’m sure we can make it special in a different way to the rest.”

Cheekily, you hope, “By playing This Must Be My Dream?”

“No.” Matty shakes his head.

You push on, “Antichrist then?”

“Woman, I will-” Matty starts warning you but you interrupt him.

“You can play Woman, that's a great song.” You fire straight back, keeping your face neutral as you add, “Entirely fine by me.”

“You know,” Matty grins, “That's the first time since our chicken shop date that you’ve gone back into your character.”

And when he points it out, you realise that you have. You drop the harder expression and let yourself smile.

“Sorry,” You shake your head a little, looking down embarrassed as you didn’t even notice,  “Sometimes I just slip into i-”

“Don’t apologise, it's what drew me to you in the first place.” Matty gives your hand a small squeeze, and when you look back up at him you see his big grin as he continues, “It just so happens I really like the way you can’t maintain that around me. I like seeing you flustered too much.”

“You can’t let me just have this date where it's just cute?” You narrow your eyes like you’re scolding him for it but your features soften when he gives you a little giggle in response.

Shaking his head and smirking at you, he replies, “No, I really love making you a hot mess.” And you’re about to scoff when he adds, “Emphasis on hot.” giving you another evident glace up and down.

He can tell that the sarcastic, “Right, thanks.” you let out is only a facade for your cheeks heat up and you purse your lips to try and not give him a reaction.

But he wants to break you, to see you flustered once more because he actually loves seeing the effect of his words shining through you and he’s sure he’d never get tired of it. “Though I would love to make an actual mess of you.”

Matty makes a subtle show of licking his lips and biting his bottom lip with his eyes stuck on yours. It all just makes you hold your breath and when you realise you’re doing that, he sees the way you let out a shaky breath only to take a deep one right away.

“You need to be stopped, we are in public. Quit the teasing.” You manage to say through your teeth, rolling your eyes but still giving him a little smirk.  

Your thoughts were already going crazy and he doesn’t help at all, not when he looks like that, when he smirks at you like that and especially not when he says, “You don’t know the half of it baby. I’ll have you begging soon and that’ll only be the start.”

That comment only adds to all that’s running through your head and seeing the scenario playing inside your mind has your mouth opening agape as you let out a scoff. He’s the biggest menace but you secretly love the way your insides knot and feel like they’re burning up at his words and under his gaze.

The mains arrive a few minutes after and you thankfully manage to pick your jaw up off the ground. Both of you have a normal, none teasing, conversation whilst you're eating, between moaning at how good the food is.

Enjoying yourselves so much, you even do the cheesy ‘wanna taste of mine’ and after some raised suggestive eyebrows, you do end up sharing a fork full of your different mains.

There’s a nice ambiance to the restaurant and it’s all very pretty. There are a few other slightly bigger tables across the other side of the room that gives the place a nice atmosphere, but you’re thankful you still have your privacy as there are serving stations in between you.

You talk all about what’s coming for you both next year, the continuation of the ‘At Their Very Best’ tour has both of you excited and you share the same excitement when you tell him all about the content you’re getting at the very start of the year.

You’re booked and busy. Golden Globes, the Brit Awards, your and Amelia’s Valentines Day party, recording multiple ads with different brands and various events during London Fashion Week.

It’s all very surreal to you so you ramble a little about the ideas you have to record in those events and when you mention your TikTok soon being filled to the brim with funny bits, he very quickly remembers his favourite videos you’ve posted both there and on your Instagram.

“Your latest reel made me laugh.” Matty grins, remembering it fondly.

He found your videos on Instagram and TikTok quite amusing and he found them not long after the NME Awards where you first met.

Despite being best friends, you and Amelia were quite different, especially when it came to your personal social media output. Amelia tends to keep up with the new music trends and the viral dances that come with it, and you take a very different approach to your best friend.

You’ve become known for taking the piss out of Amelia learning and practising those dances and then the camera flicks to you and of you trying and failing not to laugh. It started off with you having enough of whatever the new song was as you were forced to listen to it on repeat as she tried to learn the dances.

It left you bored or completely over it and when the camera flicked back to you from your best friend, people found it hilarious. Matty found it hilarious. And your last video could quite possibly be his favourite.

“Oh,” You chuckle at the memory, “The one where she stopped and told me off?”

Matty nods, already giggling as he remembers it, “When she threw that pillow at you, I laughed so loud.”

Your eyes go wide and you pretend you’re hurt, “Wow.”

“It was how shocked you were about it.” Matty giggles, replaying it in his mind as he grins at you, “And then you threw it back when she was dancing again and she fucking went for you and the video cut out. It was brilliant, something I would do to Hann.”

“I’m glad you find them amusing.” You smile, “Most of the time it’s the only way I can get through the time where we’re stuck together and she starts making the videos. It's the song playing over on repeat when I forget to bring my AirPods with me that kills me off. Rookie mistake on my part.”

Matty chuckles, “You never want to get up and do it with her?”

Instantly, you shake your head, “Not to shit songs like the ones that go viral.”

He frowns at you, knowing one of his songs has been quite popular in that app, “You calling About You shit?”

It’s a wonder why he even asked that when he has seen just how much you love that song.

“Clearly not, but you didn’t make a shitty dance to that song, did you?” You raise your eyebrows to make him understand your point.

He shrugs softly, understanding what you mean, “No, just to Oh Caroline.”

You scoff out a laugh, not believing he’s just said that. “That dance is far from shit.”

“You’d dance to that one then?” His eyebrow raises as if he’s challenging you to say yes.

“Yeah and I have.” You easily admit, you loved that dance so much so it hadn’t been a burden learning it.

“What?” He asks all smiles, trying to picture you dancing to it.

And you smile back at him as you explain, “Amelia asked me to learn it with her. And because I like the song, I reluctantly agreed.”

Matty loves this new piece of information so he fully states, “Now you’ve got to do the dance with me.”

But you quickly turn him down because you know you’d get so nervous dancing it with him that you’d end up messing up, and he also was a good dancer so you knew you weren’t going to live up to his expectations. “I’ll save myself the embarrassment and stick to dancing with Amelia.”

He pouts exaggeratedly, doing his best puppy eyes at you, “Who am I gonna dance with then?”

You only give him a fake pout back, sarcasm in every word you say next, “I’m sure you’ll manage to find someone, you always do.”

In a fraction of a second, his expression switches to a shit-eating grin and he takes your comment as an opportunity to tease you, “Is that a little green I see in your eyes?” His eyes narrow like that’s gonna make you admit you’re jealous.

“No.” You reply meekly, cutting his advances to get another reaction from you.

He’s not quite done yet though, so he brings back a moment to refresh your memory, “Remember when you kissed Amelia and put it on Instagram because you were jealous?”

“Oh yeah,” You nod, and after you’ve taken a sip of your wine, you fire right back at him, “Remember when you did the same when you kissed Ross the night after?”

Matty just smirks, “Bet you were jealous of that too.”

“Jealous of you, yeah.” You nod, knowing just how much it subtly enrages him.

Matty scoffs, “We’re on a date.”

You raise your eyebrows, challenging him, “And you’re bringing up me being jealous.”

“I like to tease you.” He reminds you with a cheeky smile, really trying to act like he’s all innocent and doesn’t have any other intentions.

“Yeah I know you do.” You giggle a bit and shake your head, fighting a smile breaking out on your face. “Trying to make me go crazy before the day is done.”

He loves how you’re trying to scold him for it but you’re failing miserably at keeping a stoic expression, so he points out the truth that’s written all over your face, “You love it really.”

“Mhhh.” You hum, not giving him an answer. “I think you love doing it just as much.”

“Oh definitely,” He assures with an enthusiastic nod of his head, “I’m dying to get my hands on you.”

You let out a chuckle at his bluntness, “I bet you are.” You say it in a way that seems uninterested but he knows you’re forcing it so he can’t fully see it on your face that you want it too.

“You act like you’re not thinking the exact same.” Matty calls you out straight away, “Or do I need to remind you of your texts?”

You bite your tongue and stay silent for a long couple of seconds before you can finally admit why you’re holding back. “Maybe I’d agree if we weren’t in public and you’re not trying to tease.”

He makes sure to joke about so that you get a bit more comfortable but completely understanding where you’re coming from. “You knew what you were getting into when you agreed to the date.”

“Maybe I just can’t refuse a date when one is offered?” You offer as a reason even though you’ve never been more thankful to be sitting across from someone.

Rolling his eyes playfully, he asks with sudden curiosity sparking, “Has there been any other dates with anyone you’ve been on your chicken shop dates with that you wanted a second date with?”

“Oh yeah, loads of people.” You nod enthusiastically, “Me and Amelia talk about them all the time.”

Only letting out a small, “Oh.” he keeps quiet to encourage you to continue and he’s actually intrigued now because of how fast your answer was.

Making a rundown through the memories of your chats with Amelia about this exact topic, you take a small breath before starting your list. “So I want a second date with Yungblud.”

Matty pulls a face at that name, and “Why?” immediately falls from his lips.

But you ignore him and just continue name dropping, “And I want my one with Charli… And I guess KSI, Jade from Little Mix, Bimini was a fave, Finneas too.” And the more names you list, the further Matty’s face falls. “I’m doing one with Kehlani too and I’m excited for that, and I would so go out with Phoebe again. I thought me and her made a great couple.”

“Okay,” Matty raises his finger to stop you for a moment and he says, “I thought you were just going to say one, not list your phone book.”

“Aw, are we getting a little jealous?” You pout, teasing him.

He doesn’t let a single second go by when he replies with a stern “No.”

“Oh,” You grin, knowing you have the upper hand now, “I think you are.”

When you don’t get one word from him, only that blank stare of his, you take it a bit further, “You wanna be my one and only Matty?”

It certainly reaches his ears in such a teasing tone but he genuinely answers it with, “Yeah, I do.”

That makes you melt inside, seeing the soft smile that tugs at the corner of his lips when you just keep looking at him has you needing to reassure him of it all now and remind him just how special this whole situation with him really is.

“Well I haven’t been on a second date with anyone else.” You start, your eyes solely focused on him and a growing grin on your face, “Only ever had one in my flat.” Your hand reaches out to grab his and when you do, you squeeze it as you say, “Only one has slept in my bed.”

A few beats of silence pass, both of you are stuck staring at each other and the touch of your skin setting both of you up alive. Matty licks his lips and replies, “Lucky them.”

If he wasn’t so focused on every one of your movements, he could’ve missed the little shake of your head you give him before correcting him, “Lucky you.”

You fill up with pride when you see his cheeks get a little pink and he breaks eye contact, getting too flustered under your gaze, so you take the opportunity to tease him. “Jealousy looks good on you.”

And this becomes yet again one of those instances you are reminded to not mess with him because he knows just what to say back so your teasing ends up biting you back, “You know what else would look good on me?”

“What?” You naively inquire back.

“You.” He simply responds, “Preferably with nothing on, riding me how you were going to the other night.”

He can feel the way you freeze across from him, even your breath getting caught in your throat and it’s like you have forgotten how to function after that. So to make it even worse for you, and for him to get an even better reaction, he continues to run his dirty mouth.

“Or would you prefer me on top of you?” Matty leans closer so he can drop his voice and ask you in a low voice, “Your legs wrapped tight around my waist, I can kiss and tease that pretty neck of yours until you're begging for me to put my hands to better use than holding yours above your head.”

Matty’s lip twitches up into the beginning of a smirk when he sees the way that has affected you. He can’t help but ask, “You like that baby?”

You nod aimlessly, you’re looking straight at him but you’re not really processing him. Instead you’re picturing that exact scenario he’s describing in your head and how desperate you actually are for it.

And you’re lost for what feels like a long few minutes when in reality it’s ten seconds of barely breathing as you repeat his words in your head and love the feeling of him still gently caressing your skin from across the table as if he’s not just talked about fucking you into a mattress.

But it’s like you’re jolted out of that fantasy when the waiter comes back over and politely asks, “Would you like to order any desserts?”

Matty glances at you, prompting you to speak first as if he hasn't just given you a mini stroke.

“I-” You stutter as you look from Matty down to your menu, but nothing sounds as good as what you were just offered. So you pick up the piece of paper and hand it back to the waiter with a small smile, “I’m good, thank you.”

“You sure?” Matty double checks, not wanting this date to be over just yet.

“Yeah.” You nod, and Matty realises exactly why you’ve declined when you add, “Might have something at home later.”

So without question, Matty agrees and does the same thing.

“I'm also alright, thank you.” He hands the menu back and with the mutual understanding that has just passed between you in just that glance, Matty asks, “Can we have the bill please?”

“Course.” The waiter nods and wonders back off over to the bar.

Matty is pulling his wallet out of his inside blazer pocket when he catches you lifting your bag up and he knows what you’re about to do so he instantly stops you, “Put your bag down.”

“But I-”

“No,” Matty interrupts, being serious when he says, “I asked you out, I’m paying.”

“Okay then,” You agree, because if you don’t you’ll argue over it for hours. Instead, you tell him, “But I’m paying next time.”

Matty’s grin is instant. He raises his eyebrows at you, smirking slightly, “Next time?”

You hum a little, and you play on it a little, “Depending on how your performance tonight goes, I reckon I’d go out with you again.”

As if you wouldn’t feel like the luckiest woman alive to go on another date with him.

“Okay,” Matty stands up, “He’s not fast enough, I’m going to go pay.”

You can’t help the laugh that falls from your lips, along with, “Eager much?”

Matty leans down and whispers, “For you, very.” before he very quickly presses a kiss to your neck and he walks off over to the bar to pay.

You take a minute to control the way your cheeks start burning, and you look down to compose yourself as you take a deep breath.

Your mind is echoing with a chorus of what the fuck? and the pure disbelief seems to be stuck with you and not wanting to leave. It’s a weird feeling that overcomes you as you are impatient and time seems to be going far too slow now but, at the same time, you’re feeling like there’s not enough time for you to get your wits about.

When Matty comes back over, you’ve just put your blazer back on and he takes your hand and helps you stand. He then grabs his blazer and puts it on, making sure your presents are still in his pocket before he intertwines your fingers and you both make your way out.

As you leave, you both thank the waiter for serving you and they wish you both a happy new year and you say the same back. When you get outside, it's no surprise to you that Matty pulls out his pack of cigarettes, it's certainly been a few hours since he last had one.

It had started raining since you were last outside and it's still coming down now, but neither of you mind too much. Matty pulls you out into the rain again, which has you giggling because it's all too like the end of your first date.

“Remember when you told me to live a little and stand in the rain with you?” You giggle, wrapping your arms around his neck as the rain falls on you both.

“I remember getting you all wet, yeah.” Matty grins, his hands on your hips pulling you flush against him now you’re in your own company again. But of course, he has to keep you on your toes, he leans in and quietly says, “Believe I can do it again, bit better this time.”

You bite your lip and you scrunch your face up and look down so he can’t fully see how much he affects you. Inside you're silently screaming and you playfully push against his chest, but Matty keeps you close.

He giggles, not letting you go at all, and he teases, “I fucking love teasing you.”

“Yeah I know.” You shake your head, trying your best to keep some composure when you look back up at him.

Matty can’t help but laugh at your reaction, but then he notices the rain again and he starts moving the both of you back towards the side of the restaurant as the taxi he ordered clearly isn’t here yet, “Come on, let's get you out of the rain.”

“I-” You’re about to tell him that you don’t mind, that it’s just a bit of rain. But then Matty moves you against the wall of the restaurant and he stands flush against you, practically pushing you against the wall as he’s trying to shield you from the rain. A surprised, “Oh?” leaves your lips as you smirk at the entire situation.

Matty tries not to show how much he likes you reacting to him, this time he instead takes his cigarettes out of his blazer pocket and lights up his own before he offers you one, “Do you want a cig?”

You nod, “Please.” and he offers you the pack and lighter.

After you’ve lit it, the first drag somehow calms you down a little, and you both find yourselves subtly glancing at the other like you’re not practically pressed against each other and you’ve not just been on a date.

A minute passes that's filled with noises of traffic, the relief that smoking gives you, and longing looks at each other. But when the rain starts falling a little heavier and the wind picks up, it hits the side of your faces making you scrunch your features and laugh.

Both of you wipe the water away, and Matty takes a drag of his now nearly finished cigarettes saying, "You know what we really need right now?"

"Funnily enough, I do." You nod, remembering what you brought with you and Matty watches as you reach into your bag and pull out his umbrella that he gave you after your first date.

As Matty smiles at you, you hand it back as you remind him, "Promised you'd have it back for New Years." and he laughs and takes it from you.

“Why didn't you give it me a few minutes ago?” Matty asks, putting it up immediately and standing closer to you so he can cocoon you both against the wall and away from the rain. He tuts, “You let me get all wet."

"And give up you pressing me into a wall? I don’t think so." You grin as you raise your eyebrows at him, and his smirk has you wanting to melt right then and there.

Whilst the confidence is bubbling inside you, before you back out of it, you say what you’ve been thinking for your whole date. “You look good by the way.” You say as you take the last drag of your cigarette before you throw the stub to the ground.

“Thank you,” Matty smiles, standing a bit taller at the fact you approve of his attire. “I did dress for the occasion this time.”

“Mmmh,” You hum, trying not to smile as you pretend to scold him, “Couldn’t finish it off and do the tie for me though?”

Matty smiles at you taking a hold of either end of his undone bowtie then, but instead of teasing you, he admits as he takes another drag, “Not through the lack of trying.”

“Awh,” You coo, grinning at him in a way that makes his chest ache, “Did you make an effort for me?”

Matty nods, “I tried my best.”

You hum, your eyes going from his back down to his white shirt with the top button undone and the loose tie that you have a hold of. You want nothing more than to tug on it and pull him into a kiss, but you refrain for a moment more before you look back up at him just after you whisper loud enough for him to hear, “One less thing to take off you I guess.”

At that you feel his free hand grip on your waist that little bit tighter and when he sees you run your tongue over your lips, wetting them that little bit more that somehow makes them even more enticing, he’s seconds away from smashing his lips against yours. The only thing that stops him is the little, “Oh.” of realisation that you let out.

His eyes find yours again as you offer him back his lighter with a knowing smile and a, “Here you go.” And it’s when he takes it from you, you see the wave of realisation take over his face and he grins at you seeing that he had accidentally handed you the lighter that had ‘if you want to fuck smile when you hand me the lighter back’ on it. And you’re smile is fucking huge.

Pocketing the lighter, Matty looks back into your eyes and raises his eyebrows at you, like he’s checking your earlier rules. You just give him a cheeky smirk and eyebrow raise which screams that you’re very much on board with the idea.

“Please let me take you home.” Matty pleads as he presses you into the wall a little more, his hand finding your hip again wanting to hold you.

Trying your best to refrain from kissing him just a second longer, but you’re only human. All you can do is nod before you pull on both ends of his undone tie and his lips crash against yours.

You’ve waited so long to feel this again and the way your heart rapidly beats in your chest as he freely moans against your lips has your head spinning. He tastes like the red wine you’ve both just been drinking, and it makes you pull that bit more on his tie so he can’t escape you.

You feel Matty’s free hand move from your hip to cup your jaw, tilting it up and he holds you there firmly, not wanting this kiss to end. It’s been a long fucking week and he’s been dreaming of kissing you again, among other things.

Wishing time would stop for you is clearly not enough because after a long minute of giving into what you’ve both craved for so long, you’re interrupted. Both of you pull away when you hear Matty’s phone ringing, and there’s a buzz to you both. The air between you is charged and you don’t for a second think that is going to change until you get somewhere private.

“Taxi’s here,” Matty announces, and immediately he takes your hand and says, “Come on.”

You silently giggle and follow him to the car, and he protects you with the umbrella as you move instead of himself. You can’t stop smiling at the way he opens the door for you and you get in with a small embarrassed smile and a little shake of your head. But you shouldn't be surprised when he slides in next to you, making you sit in the middle.

As you’re putting your seatbelts on, the taxi driver greets you, asking how you are and once you both tell him that you’re good, he double checks the address you’re going to, but what surprises you is that he reads out your address that Matty must have already put into the app. You’re about to correct him, but the curly haired man beside you confirms and says, “Yeah, that's great mate. Thanks.”

And with that the driver is off, but you’re left to glance at Matty curiously, and when he meets your gaze, you ask him, “I thought we were going back to yours before George’s?”

“It's too far away.” Matty shakes his head before leaning closer to say a little quieter, “Think we’ve both waited long enough, don’t you?”

The look in both of your eyes screams sin. And something in you bubbles with nerves but overall excitement.

You nod, a little short of breath but you don’t think Matty notices that, but he does steal a quick but longing kiss before you part and try to calm yourselves down. And as your date starts politely conversing with the taxi driver, asking how long he’s on for tonight and if he minds how busy it's going to be, you have a quiet moment to yourself where you let your reality sink in.

You’re about to have sex with Matty Healy.

You should know that the curly haired man can’t stop his teasing for the journey back to yours. No, you’re sure he insists on being a tease to slowly drive you insane as to what's about to happen.

At first you think it’s nothing but him being touchy with you, him once again showing his affection towards you through simple touches to the top of your thigh. You half think its because he likes the tight leather pants you have on too, but it soon becomes clear what his intentions actually are when his fingers slip to the inside of your thigh.

Immediately, you hold your breath and you can’t not watch what he’s doing, as it somehow makes his touch even more agonising. The leather does nothing to minimise his touch, and when his fingers run along the seam of the pants you feel yourself go a bit dizzy.

If his touch feels this good now, you can’t imagine how intense it’s going to be when there is no restricting material between you. And you can’t fucking wait for it, but here in this taxi his touch feels a little dangerous, something the both of you know you shouldn’t be doing, but that somehow makes it even more exhilarating.

Matty can see the way you’re watching him, and he can’t help but smile as you’re doing absolutely nothing to stop him. He fucking loves the way he can see your breathing gets a little more laboured and he can practically hear the thoughts running around your mind because they are the exact same as his own.

When you’re a few minutes away, you can’t handle Matty’s teasing anymore, so instead you trap his hand on your thigh by crossing your legs, making it so he can’t move it anymore but he’s still holding you. The way you can feel his smirk when you do that, and you can feel it as if his stare alone is making your cheeks burn.

“Tease.” You mutter under your breath.

And you can hear his smile as he leans closer and whispers, “You’ve seen nothing yet baby.”

“Neither have you.” You try to maintain your strength.

“We’ll see.” Matty backchats.

You quietly hum in response to that but let your fingertips do the same that he was doing to the top of your thigh. You trace patterns near his knee, and from your peripherals you can see your date is about to say something, but because he’d already been so chatty, the driver asks him another question about your plans for the evening. As Matty is telling him about the party you’re going to later, you continue to tease, not letting him win like he was trying to.

As he gets a little more into the conversation, you move your fingers from running up and down the top of his thigh to the inside of it and you let them reach higher up his leg. You just about see his head whip around to look at you, but you ignore him and continue.

You move back down his thigh as the driver is talking, but as soon as Matty is chatting again, your back up near his crotch and you feel the hand on your thigh tighten, like he needs to hold something so he doesn’t completely fall apart at your teasing. But that’s how you know you’ve got him right in the palm of your hand, and whilst you still have some power left, you use it to your advantage.

Doing the same thing again, waiting this time until he’s just about done talking, you move your hand right up the inside of his thigh until you grab his crotch and keep pressure on it. You can feel how hard he’s getting beneath your palm and the sharp intake of breath as he stutters to the end of his sentence has you having to press your lips together and dip your head to maintain your innocence.

The driver must start talking again but neither of you pay attention to it as Matty’s lips are against your ear in a second and he whispers, “You’re playing a dangerous game baby.”

“Think you’re enjoying it.” You whisper back and you gently but firmly squeeze just to tease him that extra bit as the car pulls over and you’re finally back at your flat.

Rushed pleasantries are exchanged with the driver, all wishing each other a happy new year before you and Matty scramble out of the car. Matty even being a gentleman and grabbing your hand to help you out before thanking the driver again and shutting the door.

Walking up to your building, you stand at the door and try to unlock it as fast as you can, but you’re letting your pent up emotions get the better of you. And it gets worse when Matty comes to stand behind you, it just makes your flustered mind even worse.

You feel Matty’s hands on your hips, but the way he then presses himself against your arse and you can feel just how hard he is now he’s standing up has your mind sinking further and further into the gutter. “You’re such a fucking tease baby.” Matty says in a low voice, as he waits for you to open the door, and he leaves a teasing kiss on the back of your neck after he brushes your hair away.

“Get used to it.” You tell him, trying not to care if you think he can see your shaky hands, you unlock the door a few seconds later and the both of you head inside. Matty playfully slaps your arse as you both head up the stairs which has you both laughing as you practically race to your floor.

You’ve never been so thankful not to live too many floors up because you can feel the energy between you now and it’s electric. You need to be inside your flat, you need his hands on you, his lips on yours. You just need him.

Once inside your flat, both of you are on each other immediately. As soon as the door is shut and locked, Matty’s lips find your own and you’ve been pushed up against your door.

Groaning into the kiss, Matty can’t keep his hands to himself. One of his hands is quick to get a hold of your waist to keep you flush against him as if there was a way for you not to be, you’re trapped between your door and him so the feeling of his fingers clutching at you makes you even needier.

His other hand cups your jaw firmly, his thumb pressed on your cheek and it seems to stay there for a while, that is until he pushes his hips into yours and you can’t help the whimper falling from your lips. That ends up with his hand slowly going down and wrapping his fingers around your neck, applying a delicious pressure that has your head spinning.

The only thing going through your head now is how badly you need him closer, and if you weren’t so overcome with lust, you’d laugh at yourself since there’s really not more space between you but it certainly feels like he isn’t close enough.

Instead of tugging him closer by his tie, you decide to move things along and push his blazer back off his shoulders. Seeing where this is going, Matty lets the material fall from him and he pulls you towards him as he moves you both further into your flat.

Your hands are cupping his face, keeping him in the kiss, making it difficult when Matty starts to push your blazer off of you too. Letting one arm loose at a time, still clutching him with your other, you let him take the blazer off you as you both blindly stumble towards your bedroom.

Just after it hits the floor, you hear Matty kick your bedroom door open and you both can’t help but giggle at the loud thud and the door almost bouncing back and hitting you. Not letting that distract you though, you kiss him again this time walking him further back into your room towards your bed.

As soon as Matty feels the mattress behind his knees, he sits down on it, keeping you in the hot and needy kiss as you come to straddle him. Both you and Matty moan when he pulls your hips down onto his, and you’re overcome with sinful thoughts when you feel how hard he is.

Thankfully, this is the time and the place to let all of these fantasies become reality. Like you did last week, you push on Matty’s chest and he falls onto his back with a groan and you give yourself a second to smirk down at him.

Just to tease, as you lean down over him, you roll your hips on top of his causing a delightful friction between you that has you holding in a moan and Matty freely gasping before he clutches your hips so he can encourage you more.

One of your hands runs slowly down his chest and your fingers deftly undo the few buttons that were keeping his shirt closed. You leave a trail of fire on his skin as your fingertips ghost over every inch of his chest, and when you reach his We Are Kings tattoo, you make sure to give it a bit more attention.

Matty grows breathless, unable to continue kissing you and it just has you smirking, lips still hovering over his.

A shaky breath he takes encourages you to teasingly trace the band of his boxers that are peeking through the top of his pants. The way he throws his head back slightly and closes his eyes harder is then permanently engraved in your mind.

His mouth is further up now that he’s moved, so you leave a peck on his chin and start making your way down his neck, leaving open mouthed kisses in your wake. That is until you reach a spot at the bottom of his neck that has him shuddering when your lips find it, and after that reaction you can’t hold yourself back from encouraging more out of him.

Pride fills you completely when you get a string of soft moans as you lick and suck on the particular place on his neck and you’re certain you won’t let up on it until his fingers tangle in your hair and he lets out a choked, “Fuck baby, c’mere.”

The husky tone of his voice has you aching between your legs and you just can’t not obey when he sounds like that.

You see his blown out pupils for a fraction of a second when he’s pulled you back up to face him but then he’s crashing his lips against yours and it’s a hungry kiss, so desperate you know your lips will be swollen but somehow that notion only gets you going even more.

The whimper you let out as you kiss him has Matty knowing you’re enjoying yourself, but he wants more. Before he can even think about it though, you distract him again. Your hand finds home around his throat, tightening to keep him in the kiss you’re sharing and it makes Matty’s body feel like he’s being set alight.

You feel the vibration of the moan he lets out under your hand and it makes you smile in the kiss, breaking it from the immense satisfaction from both what you’re doing and his reactions.

But he’s desperate to keep his lips on yours so he doesn’t waste a second to kiss down your jaw, kissing every bit of your neck he can reach.

Your breathing becomes more agitated when he gives your neck attention, that combined with the incessant rocking of your hips has your senses going out of control.

Matty brings one of his hands up and, with every passing second, it gets closer to your chest. The moment he starts groping one of your breasts and pinches your nipple over your bralette, you let out a stuttering moan.

The sound only encourages him to continue and you’re enjoying it far too much, so much so that you have to think of a way to make him stop because you know that if he keeps it up then this isn’t going to last long. And you want to elongate this as much as you can – fuck wherever you need to be afterwards, you don’t care about being late right now.

So your hands clasp around his wrists and lift them up and over his head, fingers keeping his hands on the bed and away from being able to touch you.

His eyes narrow, like he’s challenging you to actually go through with your actions and since you have no plan on giving up on them, you smirk down at him feeling every bit of power having him under you at what seems completely your mercy.

The motion of your hips becomes more intently then, keeping the pace you had but being more mindful of every sway. Matty has a half mind to give you a bit of time to soak up the feeling of power but he grows impatient and even if he likes seeing you on top of him, taking it all into your hands, he’s been quite literally dreaming of having you unravel beneath him for so long and there’s no more time he can wait for it to happen.

In a swift movement, he manages to break free from your hold and wraps his arm around your waist to flip you both over. It’s like you’ve just blinked and you’re now under him. You would complain any other time but this is now happening and you’re not doing a thing to stop it.

“Okay, you’ve had your fun baby,” Matty grins, looking down at your shocked expression, “My turn.”

Your stomach fills with anticipation hearing that, and it’s like Matty knows because half a second later you’re trapped in a searing kiss. Your fingers instantly find his hair and you can’t stop yourself from tugging on it, wanting him as close as possible.

It’s difficult to keep track of time in moments like this. It could be a minute or it could be 15 that go by as Matty teases you. His hands start exploring your body as you're happily trapped kissing him.

With the hand that’s not keeping him propped up, he lets it travel down your side, his touch leaving a hot trail of goosebumps erupting on your skin. You moan when your breasts get some more attention, him teasing you through your bralette and the curly haired man can’t help but want to hear more of your sweet sounds.

When his lips begin to trail down your jaw and neck, his hand gets lower too, moving from your tits down to your arse where he takes a handful of it and he pulls you towards him. That has you moaning because his knee is pressed directly between your legs and the friction, along with his lips now attacking to top of your breasts, has you dazed in pleasure.

There’s no way you won’t have some bruises from the intensity at which he kisses and grabs you, but you wouldn’t change anything about the situation you’re in. And Matty can tell by the way you’re moaning and tugging on his hair encouraging him that you’re enjoying yourself.

Matty absolutely loves the way you don’t even try to hold back your pleasured whines as he teases your neck with kisses. The only place he misses is where that ribbon choker of yours is tied around your neck, he wants to keep that on as long as possible so he moves the longer ends to the other side of your neck.

It’s when his lips find yours again that you lose track of time. To be honest, you wish you could stop time and keep the both of you like this forever with your hearts racing, lips getting even more swollen from the intensity of your kisses. You’d die a happy woman, but after a while it gets to the point where you need more.

With him lent forwards over you, kissing you with just as much intensity as when you started, you keep on finding your hips bucking up into him as your clit is getting the friction from you moving against his thigh. And the whines that you’re letting out that Matty swallows when his lips are against your own have him getting harder at the sound.

You need more, and he wants to give you more. So he lets his hand trail back down your body until he teases you by tracing the waistband of your pants. Only then does Matty break your kiss so he can look at you when he quietly asks, “Can I take these off you, baby?”

A small whine escapes your lips and nodding eagerly, you reply, “Please.”

His fingers very quickly undo the button and tug the zip down, and when that’s done you make sure to lift your hips up so it’s easier for him to peel the pants off you but when he goes to do that, they don’t seem to want to move.

Matty tries once more but they don’t budge, you’re about to let out a cry of frustration but his giggles reach your ears and a smile appears on your face.

“Looks like we need to stand up for this.” He looks so amused by the situation, it certainly rubs off on you and you’re both trying to hold back your laughs as you stand up and go to try again.

“Fucks sake,” You are cursing under your breath, chest heaving as you both try to pull down your leather pants but struggling with them going past your hips. “Maybe leather pants weren't the best move.” You let out a giggle, wiggling your way out of them.

“Oh no they were.” Matty shakes his head, immediately disagreeing with your joke. “They are so worth the trouble baby.”

Once he manages to pull them down further, by the time it gets to your mid thigh, the pants end up falling down on their own and pooling around your ankles. Your heels are quickly toed off then, your pants going somewhere behind you along with the shoes.

You’re so ready to resume things when he adds, “Though I prefer you without them.” And that’s enough to earn him a laugh, but he’s serious and he lets you know despite letting out a little giggle to match yours. “Look at you.” He says with his hands on your hips, his gaze going up and down your figure and he’s completely taken aback by how fucking beautiful you look even when you seem to be getting a little shy.

But you’re standing there only in your bralette, your black lace underwear and your ribbon choker tied around your neck, and the singer cannot believe his luck. There’s nothing more he wants than you, in any way you’ll let him have you.

The way he’s looking at you makes you so warm inside, feeling entirely comfortable with him despite what should have been a really awkward moment, he made it feel normal and made you feel safe with him. You cup both of his cheeks when you lean in to kiss him again and Matty’s hands wrap around your waist, pulling you back into him.

You direct him back to the bed, and Matty sits back on the side of it and you don’t hesitate to straddle him again. Matty has no issues with this at all, he takes full advantage of the situation and his hands grab your arse, squeezing it as he kisses you making you chuckle into your kiss.

As intensity builds between you again, Matty feels you lean forward into him clearly trying to encourage him to fall backwards, but he’s not having that. Instead he uses his grip that he has of you to quickly stand up with you in his arms before he moves the both of you properly onto your bed, with you beneath him how he wants.

“Nice try baby.” Matty shakes his head, and you giggle before he captures your lips again with his.

The both of you settle yourselves and you’re kissing for a while when Matty’s hips start grinding into yours and with how hard he is, your mind is reeling. You need more. And with your broken whines that he silences, Matty knows what you’re after already so he lets his hands trail down your body again.

When his finger hooks into the top of your underwear, you know what he's about to ask, so instead of him having to, you nod into your kiss and give an encouraging tug on his curls.

You thought he was going to pull them off you, but instead Matty trails his fingers down the line where your underwear meets the top of your thigh down to where you’re aching for him. He can feel how wet you are through the lace and it makes him groan into your kiss. But the way you gasp when he moves your underwear to the side and his fingers finally make contact with where you’re throbbing for him has you choking on air.

The teasing circles Matty starts leaving on your clit makes you break your kiss and you moan into your bedroom. Your reaction has the curly haired man smirking, fucking loving the way you react to him.

Matty kisses your neck when he lets his fingers tease your entrance, and the way you moan loudly when his fingers dip inside you has Matty having to bite his tongue so he doesn’t cum his pants there and then. You sound fucking heavenly and the fact Matty is drawing those sounds from you has him desperate to hear more.

Before he lets you get fully used to the sensation, he draws his fingers back up bringing your wetness up to your clit so he can carry on teasing you. This time he adds more pressure and with the way he sees your hips moving against his digits, he takes it as a cue to let you get yourself off on his hand.

Driven by the need of reaching your orgasm your hips grow erratic as his fingers are still pressing on your clit. Your face is scrunched up in pleasure, but when you open your eyes to look down where his hand is, you find him looking down at you with his mouth agape.

Little gasps leave his lips as your wetness coats his hand and you can see it written on his face how much this is sending him into overdrive but you need him inside you again, you’re getting so close to your climax that you’re growing desperate for him to resume what he was doing a minute ago.

So you bring one of your hands down to hold his wrist and, though it frustrates you for a second to have his fingers leave your clit, you guide his fingers back to your entrance.

You haven’t broken eye contact and that might be the one thing that makes him give into your wishes. He’s come to find out there’s nothing he can deny you when you’re staring straight into his eyes.

When his fingers sink back inside you, deeper this time, and his palm cups your clit, your whines and moans encourage him to continue.

“Matty - fuck, please.” And with the way you’re almost clawing through his shirt at his back, Matty isn’t one to argue with what you want.

He starts fucking you with his fingers, and he quickly gets to know what you like. You’re beyond easy to read and he loves that you aren’t holding anything back from him. He loves your whines, gasps, and moans. He’s thankful he can hear them over how loud he can hear his own heartbeat.

With all the teasing and the relentless rhythm of his fingers, it doesn’t take long for you to feel the familiar ache of your orgasm building.

Matty can feel and see how close you are. His eyes rarely leave your face, noting and memorising the way your muscles strain and the way you look when he does something he now knows you like, all bringing you towards your climax. But he uses that to his advantage, when he can tell you’re almost there, with one more curl of his fingers, Matty withdraws them completely.

“No,” You can’t help but let out a small whine at being left with nothing when you were mere seconds away from an orgasm.

But Matty doesn’t listen to your complaints. Instead, he draws his hand up from between your legs and as his brown eyes stare into yours, he instructs, “Open your mouth.”

You do as you’re told, your mind is too dopamine induced to argue, and you follow his instructions without question. You know what's coming anyway, and you’ll happily suck his fingers clean and make a show of it for him.

But that’s where you’re wrong. Instead, Matty surprises you by sucking his own fingers clean and you’re just watching him above you in awe. The way he moans at the taste of you has you staring at him and if your mouth wasn’t already open, it definitely would have fallen like that. He looks so fucking hot.

And when his eyes open, the lust he’s feeling is clear to see. But your heart stops when he withdraws his fingers and grabs your jaw, holding it open further and Matty leans down a little and spits into your mouth.

How your eyes don’t roll back in pleasure, you don’t know. You hum as you close your mouth and swallow, your hips roll in a subconscious effort to alleviate the ache between your legs but his thigh is a bit too far down for you to even get a hint of friction which makes you let out a loud whine.

“Good girl.” Matty smirks down at you, but before he can look too smug about the way you reacted you grab him with both your hands and pull him down into another heated kiss.

Your skin feels like it’s on fire now, and getting off with him is only making your need for release more urgent. Your brain continues to get more hazy with every single thing he does and the only coherent thought you can make out is the fact that you need him completely.

“Matty please,” If you weren’t so far gone by the lust, you wouldn’t have pleaded but these were desperate times now so you continue and voice your request, “I need more.”

He’s sure there’s not a day he’d choose to hear you not pleading to him like this but he still takes his chance to tease you with his words, “Greedy, greedy baby.”

Kissing his way down your neck, Matty fucking loves the way you react to his hot kisses. It’s like you can’t keep still for him, like your body is begging him to give you every ounce of pleasure.

When he starts kissing down your stomach, you know exactly what’s about to happen and your mind goes into overdrive. You can’t help but watch as the mess of curls gets lower and lower down your body, loving the feel of his lips and tongue teasing your skin as he goes.

Your erratic breathing doesn’t go unnoticed, but it only makes Matty more determined to give you the most intense orgasm of your life. He wants to drive you insane, have you so needy for him that you end up bursting on his tongue.

Matty looks up at you when he kisses the top of your thong, and once again you just nod, not needing him to verbalise the question. Although it's kind, you’re desperate for him, you would agree to anything he would offer you right now if it meant he’d be the one getting you off.

Getting to his knees, Matty pulls your underwear off you and he throws the material to the floor somewhere. As he moves himself further down the bed, he knocks your knees open and moves your legs over his shoulders, he doesn’t let his lust filled stare move from your eyes as his lips start trailing down the inside of your thighs.

If you thought he was a verbal tease, this is somehow even worse. The curly haired brunette takes his sweet time, kissing ever so slowly down your thigh before swapping to the other to repeat his actions, leaving your skin sensitive and more than likely bruised with all the attention he's showing you.

Your impatient whines as he does this have him smirking against your skin, and whilst you are loving it, the other side of you needs an orgasm after being edged earlier. You try and buck your hips up so his mouth gets closer to where you need it, but instead Matty tuts and wraps his arms around your thighs and holds your hips to keep you in place where he wants you.

“Patience is a virtue.” Matty smirks, going back and kissing over your thighs where he already has, and it has you trying and failing to move your hips to get him closer.

Slowly, you’re losing your mind though. The visual of him between your legs, the anticipation of the pleasure you’ll soon be feeling but currently being denied has you getting frantic.

“My virtue died when you fingered and edged me.” You say looking straight into his eyes, your skin still hot and heart still racing. Ardently, you demand, “Get to work.”

Matty just raises his eyebrows at you defiantly, and you know from just that look that you’re not getting anything more off him until you relent. And you’re too desperate to take any power back, so you just beg, “Please.” hoping he’ll show you some mercy.

Thankfully, he does. After kissing his way down, holding your thighs open even wider, Matty licks a bold stripe up from your entrance to your clit which has you releasing a guttural moan out into your room. The sound has Matty smirking as he starts flicking his tongue over your clit, loving the fact it’s him who’s the cause of them.

His tongue has your fingers clawing at your duvet, holding fistfuls of it as you give into how he’s making you feel. Your skin is hot, and with how sensitive everything building up to this has made you, it’s no surprise your breathing is laboured and your back arches in pleasure as he makes you feel everything so intensely.

Matty does this for a little while, teasing you, holding your thighs tighter when he feels the way your body twitches and spasms in response to his tongue. It’s not a hardship for him to learn what you like when you’re being as vocal as you are and he takes great pride in having you like this for him.

He eats you out like he kisses, like it’s all or nothing yet he’s making every effort to ensure you’re enjoying yourself, and with how wet he’s made you and the sounds leaving your pretty mouth, he knows you are. Matty’s entirely ravenous, needing to keep going and giving you all the pleasure he can, like he’s excited to finally be tasting you and he wants to keep tasting you.

Moaning against you as he sucks and plays with your clit has you having to grab onto his curls, pulling him towards you like he could get any closer. His half eyes close at the feeling, and you can’t stop yourself from glancing down at him as pleasured whines leave your mouth.

Somehow the view sets something else inside you alight. The fantasy you’ve had for so many years playing out in front of you, Matty’s head actually between your thighs looking blissed out and completely content as if there’s no place he’d rather be than here tasting you.

Matty can’t help but moan against you as you start moving your hips up and down as he eats you. The noises you’re making along with the way you’re pulling in his hair encouraging him to continue, mixed with the way you taste has Matty’s eyes closing in complete bliss.  

You can feel the way he grinds his hips against your mattress, the man clearly seeking some relief as well. And you would feel bad about it but you don’t have a chance to because the curly haired man dips his head and starts fucking you with his tongue.

Your jaw drops as your thighs tighten around his head, your own falling back against the soft bedding and Matty’s hands tighten around you keeping you exactly where he needs you. His nose bumps against your clit even has you mewling small “ah”s for him.

Matty’s moans cause vibrations to run up through your body, making you pull on his hair even tighter. He goes between fucking you with his tongue and using it to tease your clit, his chin covered in your slick at this point but he’s having far too much fun to care.

Your hand that’s not rooted in Matty’s hair, you use to tease yourself. Grabbing your boob through the bralette and pinching your nipple through the material and you moan at that along with the bliss you’re receiving from Matty’s tongue. But then the curly haired brunette notices what you’re doing and he releases one of your thighs and reaches up your body to do the same to your other boob and the ache in your lower stomach starts feeling almost too intense.

“Matty,” You keep moaning but this time he knows he has you on the verge of cumming. Even though his jaw has started to ache, he doubles his efforts now, knowing he has you exactly where he’s wanted you for days, weeks, and months. And he’s not going to stop until you’re completely fucked out for him.

Your thighs are starting to tremble, and your grip on his hair is so hard he thinks you could pull it out. The stimulation is almost too much for you, it’s making your whole body feel like it’s on fire and you know well enough by now it’s because your body is dying for relief.

“F-fuck, please.” You beg, and Matty hums as he suckles hard on your clit, confirming he’s going to make you finish. And after making your back arch a few more times with his various tricks, you start to tremble and you choke on a loud moan as you come undone.

Matty can help but watch as you fall apart beneath him. He dips his head back so he can lap up your juices and he moans loudly at the taste and sight of you.

He doesn’t relent until you start pushing him off, but even then he licks your swollen clit one more time before he starts kissing his way up your body again. Even then, you're too dazed by that intense orgasm to notice the way he’s appreciating your body.

It feels like ages when you’re coming back down from your high, your chest heaving as you try to get oxygen back into your lungs and your cheeks start burning up when you open your eyes and you find him looking down at you with a satisfied smirk on his face.

Hair dishevelled from you pulling on it so much and the pink on his cheeks makes him look so fucking stunning, you’re dying to show him just how much you like him. Especially after he’s made you see stars.

You’re just dying to return the favour.

Your eyes fall down to see him and when you realise Matty’s basically still dressed, you frown at him. “You’ve got way too many clothes on.”

His shirt is still half tucked into his pants, only the buttons undone which is the one thing you managed to do earlier but even the undone bowtie is still hanging around his neck.

The smirk on his face grows bigger, “Gotta dress properly for a meal, haven’t I?” His sarcasm is heavy to tease you once more and you roll your eyes in fake annoyance.

“You’re such a little shit.” You state as a scolding, your hands going straight for his shirt to take it off him and throw it somewhere on the floor behind him.

The bowtie goes with it and soon, your fingers are working to undo the button of his trousers, tugging them down far easier than yours were. To fully take them off he stands up and you sit yourself up at the edge of the bed, watching him toe of his shoes before getting fully rid of his pants.

A few seconds later Matty is standing in front of you, only in his underwear, his taut muscles on show and his skin littered with the tattoos you’ve grown fond of over the years. You catch a glimpse of the new tattoo he got at one of the last shows of the north american tour, which reads ‘I’m a man’.

The whole view has filthy ideas sparking in your mind and you truly don’t have a filter anymore because once you see him taking the short couple of steps he has to get back to you, you let one of those ideas slip.

“I want you to fuck my mouth.” You say looking up at him with doe eyes, your mouth watering at the thought of him using you to get off.

Matty is sure his soul leaves his body when you say that and his throat dries up at the image you’ve just put in his head.

He has no idea what to say, thoughts fully gone and out of the window until you speak again, repeating what you want him to do.

Your hand comes to hold his left thigh and you teasingly and slowly let it brush upwards and closer to the edge of his underwear, “Baby, please fuck my mouth.”

Letting out a guttural groan, Matty rolls his eyes back in pleasure. You using that nickname for him always does it, he always ends up right in the palm of your hands when you utter the word to refer to him.

His hands come to cup your jaw and slightly tip your head backwards a bit more just so he’s sure he’s looking right in your eyes as he asks for reassurance, “Are you sure?”

“Mhm,” You hum in agreement, and tilt your head to the side to kiss the palm of one of his hands. With that look that you’re giving him, he can’t even think of denying you a thing and it’s like you know exactly how to get him to say yes to anything you want when you use the sweetest voice to add another, “Please?”

He wants to tell you that you don’t even have to say that word ever again but the urge to kiss you hot and hard is stronger. He crashes your lips together with such force you lean back and have to rest on one of your elbows to stay seated.

You kiss feverishly while your hands travel down his chest to his lower stomach and then slowly trail your index finger down to his hard cock.

Just that ghost of a touch has him shakily breathing, breaking the kiss as his face contorts in almost pain with the way he just wants to fully give into the pleasure but if he does then he’d burst right here, right now.

Your lips brush his parted lips as you smirk when your hand comes to squeeze his hard on and you slowly start stroking him up and down over the fabric of his boxers.

Matty lets out the prettiest sounds and you’re fucking obssessed with them so you don’t let up on your actions, only getting more intently with it, that is until he bites on his bottom lip and silences himself.

Only hearing low hums of pleasure then has you frowning because you don’t want to be deprived of the noises he makes so without a second thought you let go of him only to get rid of the last piece of clothing.

From the way he rushes through getting them off, you know he’s eager and you are too so when he’s back in front of you as close as he can get for it to be comfortable, you lick your lips and wrap your right hand around his hard cock.

The tip is already glistening with precum and red which makes you think about just how much he must’ve been throbbing, constricted in his trousers while he paid all of his attention to you.

That notion only makes you even more excited to let him use your mouth to get off and with that set in mind, you give him a few more strokes before sinking your mouth down on him.

You hum around him, your mouth being full of him and tasting him has your eyes rolling back into your head, and the loud moan he lets out only adds to it all. Your thighs clench together as you quickly get worked up by it all.

You only bob your head up and down a few times, trying to go as deep as you can and gagging around him to get you prepared for it. You breathe deeply through your nose and relax your jaw every time you go to fully take him all the way to the back of your throat, your nose almost hitting his pelvis.

Your eyes water as you take him and it’s such a sinful scene just from the sounds of your gagging and his loud moans mixing together.

One of your hands comes up to his hip then, stopping your movements and encouraging him to thrust into your mouth. He gets the instruction right away and he starts mindfully giving into your wishes. You can’t help but become a mess of moans when his hips start moving.

Matty is being gentle though, and even though he keeps grunting and moaning as he fills your mouth and your throat, it isn’t quite like you want it to be. He’s not even hitting as deep as he was when you were doing it at the start so, stopping his movements, you pull back and let go of his cock for a moment.

He’s breathless, panting, all sweaty and flushed. It is certainly a gorgeous sight seeing him all fucked out because of you but you force yourself to not get distracted when you’re meant to call him out on how his holding back.

“Thought I was clear when I said I wanted you to fuck my mouth.” Is what you say, sternly with an eyebrow raised.

He has to take a deep breath at your words but then he comes clean about his worries, “I won’t last if I do that, baby.”

And it’s true, Matty has been trying so hard to be concentrated and not cum the second you’ve touched him, it’s gonna be impossible for him to last any longer if he goes through with what you’re asking.

But you dismiss it, “I don’t care, I want you to do it properly.” And when you finish your demands with a serious, “Fill my throat.” Matty is fully gone.

His eyes darken at your words, looking down at you with pure lust and you look up at him with mischief written all over your face.

Your mouth falls open slowly and before you can pull him closer, he does by hooking his finger on the ribbon choker that’s still tied around your neck. He has his other hand wrapped around his cock which is painfully hard now, stroking himself twice before homing it on your mouth once again, and the warm wetness of it has him stuttering a, “Fuck baby–”

You’re mewling when his hips buck into your face and he hits the back of your throat, your eyes watering again, yet he still is being too careful with it. So with the intent to make him desperate for release, you bring one of your hands down to play with his balls.

That seems to do it because Matty gets louder and his pace gets increasingly faster, you’re fully just mindful now of relaxing your jaw so he can keep milking himself with the tightness of your throat.

Your hand doesn’t stop cupping and teasing his balls and that ends up making him lift his right leg up to prop his foot up right beside your hip and the new angle seems to be his undoing.

It’s pure desperation that has him going faster, tears are running down your face now and your spit is falling down your chin to your neck. You’re throbbing and the clenching of your thighs isn’t even helping anymore, so you start grinding down on your bed and it’s all that which is making you let out noises of unmatchable pleasure.

His hand comes to your head, fingers tangling in your hair so he can keep a bit of consistency in his movements which are growing sloppy when you start to feel him twitch in your mouth. When he looks down at you though, it’s like it all heightens. Seeing himself disappear into your mouth has his mind spinning and it’s a sight that will be forever engraved in his mind.

“Baby-,” He tries to talk but it’s all interrupted by his own gasps and moans, “Gonna cum.”

Your wordless answer to that is helping him achieve his climax so as he thrusts into you, you suck a little harder and tease your tongue underneath the tip of his cock and it is that which tips him over the edge. The visual is better than anything he could’ve imagined nights before when he thought of you as he got himself off or any of the dreams he’d had when you were the one to star in them.

It only takes a few more messy thrusts for him to coat your throat with his cum and you’re sure that you’ll never forget the loud groans he’s letting out.

He continues to ride his orgasm out, his hips faltering and slowing down but you have enjoyed this so much, you’re the one that continues their movements to make his pleasure last longer.

That only lasts a half of a minute though, his senses are fully going into overdrive and he cannot take any more, especially when he feels you suck him again. So with the hand that’s still tangled in your hair, he pulls you carefully off him.

Matty watches you completely dazed as you catch the last of his cum that’s dripped down the corner of your mouth when he pulled out. You make a show of sucking the finger you just caught it with, rolling your eyes at the taste of him, grinding your hips down on your bed again.

His finger comes to hook on your choker again then as he leans down to kiss you but before he locks your lips together, he looks right into your eyes and says, “You’re fucking unreal baby.”

You give him a smirk which is short lived as he attacks your lips quickly after he’s spoken. It’s hot and desperate, growing even harsher when he tastes himself on your tongue.

You’re pushed back on the bed again, and he pulls you further up as he hovers over you. One of his hands travels down to your breasts and he starts playing with them as you both get off.

From what’s just happened, you are already so worked up that you become desperate to have him do something about it. So you break the kiss, gasping for air when he pinches one of your nipples with the perfect amount of strength that has you seeing stars.

“Matty,” You start saying as you’re trying to catch your breath, but you can’t seem to find your words anymore when he kisses down your neck and starts sucking bruises onto it. “Matty-” You try once again but it only encourages him to continue more intently.

He hums as if asking you ‘what?’ but he isn’t really paying attention, he’s too focused on making you feel good after the mindblowing orgasm you’ve just given him.

You’re somehow growing hotter under him, as if you weren’t almost fully naked, and it just becomes even worse when he finishes sucking on a certain spot and he’s met with the ribbon tied around your neck, which he ends up undoing by tugging one of the ends with his teeth.

You feel a little tightness around your neck for a fraction of a second and when you see him pulling the ribbon with his teeth, you give him a pathetically loud moan in response. His hand comes up to get rid of it and throws it behind himself to continue with his attack on the skin of your neck.

You swear you’re going insane with every passing second so you force yourself to make up a proper sentence for your own sanity.

“Matty, I need you to do something.” Your hips buck up in search to grind against his but he’s purposely keeping himself hovered further up than you can reach comfortably. “I’m so fucking wet, please.”

Every one of your begs are being stored in the forefront of Matty’s mind, and it only encourages him to get more of them if he’s being honest. Yet, you’ve been so good to him, he thinks he might as well just give you something that could help you feel less frustrated.

He kisses down your chest, focusing on the top of your breasts, and teasing his tongue over your nipples over the fabric of your bralette. You whine out in frustration and he chuckles at you but his hands come under your body so he can undo the clasp of it and free you from your last item of clothing.

Once the clasp is undone, you carelessly take it off you and throw it to the floor with much more strength than necessary. Once again, your desperation has him laughing but you’re not finding this funny at all so one of your hands comes to root in his hair and tug on it, so he does something.

That has him wrapping his lips around one of your nipples and the gasp you let out is louder than you’d find needed. But you’re just so desperate for anything that his tongue flattening over your nipple, flicking it and sucking it could fully be enough to make you cum again.

And it turns out that you are that desperate because with you begging for more, Matty smirks as he continues teasing you with his mouth but takes pity on you and he drops his hand back down between your legs and he fingers you again. As his fingers carry on fucking you and his lips continue to tease, there’s no way you’re able to hold back the noises you let out as your senses are completely clouded by every bit of pleasure he’s giving you. It seems like in a matter of a few seconds you’re being completely tipped over the edge and you lose all control over your own body.

Matty watches you entirely astounded by your moans and the way you convulse and arch under him. To add to your pleasure Matty drops his hand back to simultaneously use his thumb to tease your clit, prolonging your high.

He does so until you push his hand away, entirely satisfied and a little too overstimulated. Closing your eyes and taking deep breaths as you come back around a little quicker this time and you’re glad you do because the man who’s the cause of all your pleasure decides he’s going to be cute again.

“I think I’m obsessed with you.” Matty admits as he rests himself down, half on top of you, so he can hide himself into the crook of your neck.

“Yeah,” You nod, still catching your breath. You bring your hand up that’s not trapped between Matty and your side up and route your fingers into his curls, “I think I feel the same way about you.”

You can feel Matty’s smile against your neck when you say that, and it makes you smile too as you stare at your ceiling, trying to get your breathing to return back to normal. As you play with his hair, you quickly run back through everything that’s just happened and you can’t help the small, “Holy shit.” that leaves your lips.

If foreplay and oral was that good with him, god only knows how you’re going to survive after he actually fucks you.

Matty brings you out of your thoughts though as you hear and feel him chuckle into your neck. It has you grinning at the low noise and the feeling of his lips against your neck, you can’t help but quietly ask, “What?”

“I can’t believe you were so turned on from giving me head that I just made you finish from playing with your boobs.” Matty hums, not entirely sure that he isn’t dreaming.

Despite that not being the only thing he did, you can’t believe how turned on him doing that made you. You guess it’s true what they say, good sex is psychological. And with the way you feel about Matty, it's no doubt actually having some feelings there for him has made this experience better, and you’re sure he would say the same.

But you don’t want to let him have that, so instead of agreeing, you tell him as you twist your hair around your fingers, “Don’t let it feed your ego.”

Matty hums as if taking your comment into consideration, but he sighs, “Too late.”

You’re more than likely never going to hear the end of this now, even if he’s pushing the borders of the truth. He has all the ammunition to keep you flustered at all times now. But you’ll deal with that another day.

Chuckling a little at his admission of a fueled ego, you shake your head a little as you playfully say, “You're a dickhead.”

Matty props himself up to look down over you then, and you love the way he still look a little fucked out. But clearly the man is now in the mood to tease and you know what’s coming before he even opens his mouth.

He smirks down at you, “A dickhead who just gave you an orgasm by licking y-”

Cutting him off, you lean up and kiss him so you don’t have to hear it. You know he’s joking, but you’ll take any excuse to have his lips on your own.

He kisses you sweetly and you both can’t really help the way you’re smiling into it. Happiness is exuding from the both of you, and neither of you would change a thing about this moment for the world.

Matty is utterly obsessed with you. He can’t get over the way his heart has been racing since the moment his eyes landed on you when you arrived at the restaurant.

He feels so beyond lucky he even got a second date with you, that you even have an interest in getting to know him on a deeper level. The singer does truly love your first date but this one has meant the absolute world to him and for it to finish off like this despite the both of you flirting, he really does feel so lucky.

And you’re so fucking gorgeous. Even before he got your clothes off he knew you were, but the fact he is lucky enough to see you and experience you like you are, he won't ever take it for granted. And he’s kissing you now hoping that the gesture can say all of this for him whilst he slowly gets the courage to say it outloud to you someday.

Your sweet moment together slowly turns heated again as your kisses grow in intensity. It somehow manages to go from soft and playful to you dragging groans and whines out of each other and your grasping at each other's skin. Until it goes further.

It’s still a little surreal getting off with him, making out earnestly drawing moans from him by the way your fingers tug on his hair, the way your lips meet, and the way your bodies so effortlessly turn the other on. Matty makes a show of letting his hands start wondering again, teasing your skin with gentle caresses until he has you gasping for breath again.

He takes his time edging you again, getting you close enough that you almost finish only to leave you unsatisfied and desperate for more. And he’s taking great pride in his work as you can feel his smile against your lips every time he shuts your whining and whimpering up with his kisses.

“Matty, please.” You beg, not being able to wait any longer. You need him.

“What do you want, baby?” Matty asks between kissing you despite knowing you want the exact same as him. He’s hard again now and he’s dying for you at this point, but that doesn’t stop him from demanding, “Tell me what you need.”

“Need you to fuck me.” You whine, pulling on the curls on the back of his head so he looks into your eyes as you plead, “Please.”

Matty nods, wanting nothing more than to be inside you, he asks, “Do you have any condoms?”

Whilst he did bring one just in case, he didn’t really want it to seem presumptuous by going getting his. Thankfully, you nod, and quickly reach over to your bedside drawer and Matty watches as you pluck out a clearly new and unopened box to get one out for him.

Matty doesn’t really know why he likes that you’ve got an unopened box of them. He doesn’t know if it’s because maybe you bought them especially to use with him, hoping that the date would work out well enough that you’d both get to this part of the night.

Or maybe it just makes him feel special because he’s hoping with everything he has that you hadn’t been with anyone recently. That just maybe you had been waiting for him like he had been waiting for his tour to finish so he could go on this date with you.

And it’s that tinge of what he recognises to be jealousy that pokes at his chest that makes him realise the one thing he wants is to have you only to himself. He knows it’s early and completely rushed from him but he can’t deny himself that you’re the one who makes him feel best these days and there’s no moment he doesn’t have you in his mind.

So he’s not surprised when this ghost of possessiveness comes over him when thinking of you this way with anyone else, it’s something he wishes he hadn't even thought of in the first place.

Watching you under him, giving him a small smirk before opening up the box, has him hoping with every bit of his soul that you want him for yourself the same way he just wants you.

You wiggle your eyebrows as you shake the box, the wrappers inside making a little noise when hitting the sides of the cardboard and the sight is enough to earn a chuckle from him.

“You think you’ve got enough?” He teases you, nudging your nose with his and stealing a peck before turning his attention back at your fingers getting one of the square foil packets out of the box.

“If we wanna get through what we’ve both been planning, no, probably not.” You chuckle and Matty can’t help but giggle as he traps you in a kiss after he takes the condom from you.

The box falls on the floor, the rest of the condoms spilling out but there’s no time to focus on the small mess when you’ve got Matty hungrily kissing you and your whole body lighting up once more tonight.

It’s the built up anticipation for what is about to happen that has you both desperate and, due to your previous orgasms, overly sensitive to every touch of your skin.

The way his fingers are clutching the side of your waist with such intent, you pulling him closer to you by your tangled fingers in his curls, your pebbled nipples rubbing against his chest, his knee in between your thighs propping your legs open.

Your senses are going into overdrive, both of you gasping already in the kiss and the heavier your breaths get, the less patience you both have. Leaving a few chaste kisses on your lips, Matty brings the wrapper up to his mouth and rips it open with his teeth.

You fully gasp under him, loud enough for him to hear you over his heartbeat which is ringing in his ears and that only has him needing you more desperately, he wants to draw more of your sweet sounds out of you. After tonight, he’s not really sure there’ll be a time he will have listened to them enough. Impossible.

Watching as he throws the now empty packet and rolls the condom down himself makes you subconsciously drag your fingers down your body until you can touch yourself and, with slow circles on your clit, get yourself some much needed relief.

Your relief is short-lived as your back arching off the bed when you apply a bit more of pressure has him taking your hand off yourself, wrapping his fingers around your wrist to bring your fingers to his mouth and sucks on them.

Seeing his eyes roll back at the taste of you on your fingers has your jaw dropping, and you’re so far gone by the view that you barely register him smirking as he slowly drops your hand to rest on the bed over your head, pinning it there with his left hand and taking his right hand back down around himself.

Matty brings you down to Earth again when he taps on your swollen clit with his cock, so quick they have you gasping as your attention is back on him. He chuckles seeing you fall apart so easily under him but when you glare at him, he presses his lips together so his amusement is less obvious.

“Stop teasing Matty.” Your tone stern and you’re still glaring at him to get a move on but unfortunately that only encourages him to elongate your desperation a bit more. He just likes to hear you begging at this point and pushing your buttons to see how far it takes you to reach that point is certainly something he’s really enjoyed finding out about.

He teases you once more, running the tip of his cock down to your entrance but back up to tease your clit once more which has you bucking your hips up into his. Hearing you mutter a pathetic ‘please’ again has Matty giving in to what you both desperately want.

After lining himself up, he pushes into you slowly, letting you accommodate to him as you both moan into the other's mouth at the overwhelming feeling. The pleasurable stretch of him filling you has you writhing beneath him, your nails scratching down his shoulder blade and your whines filling the room.

When he bottoms out, Matty clenches his jaw to try not to finish there and then. He focuses down on you, your pretty mouth that’s fallen open with everything you’re feeling and your eyes closed in what he hopes is pleasure.

The curly haired brunette lets his nose gently brush back and forth across yours as he quietly says, “Let me know when I can move baby.”

You hum a little to acknowledge him, and after a few seconds you nod before asking, “Please move.” at the same time your hips try to move against his own.

With how much you’ve both been waiting for this very moment, it isn’t hard for you both to set a pace that has your toes curling in pleasure. Your hips moving and meeting in the middle, his pubic bone hitting your clit at just the right intensity, your mouths swallowing each other’s moans.

In an attempt to make both of you more comfortable and change the position a little without switching completely, because you really want to see each other coming undone, he lifts one of his knees further up under yours and therefore takes one of your legs with it.

He leans forward a bit more and the new angle has you throwing your head back in bliss, unable to keep kissing him when a guttural moan comes from deep in your chest. And Matty fucking loves it, he loves feeling how you’ve lost the rhythm your hips were taking, faltering until you stop and it’s him left to keep up the pace which is now the faintest bit slower but harder.

But you’re so overcome with pleasure that you can’t seem to lift your head back up for enough time to see him or even keep your eyes open and look at him like you’d like to. He’s hitting that spot time and time again and he’s so close to you that your eyes keep screwing shut and rolling back.

And you know that looking at you is one thing he wants too because his hand comes up to cup your jaw and between grunts, he says, “Baby, look at me.” You make your best effort to at least keep your half open eyes on his face and it’s certainly hard when he’s making you feel this good but you try your best.

“Eyes on me okay?” Matty asks you again and your answer is a mewled, “Mhm.”

Staring straight into his eyes as he pounds into you makes you feel you’re having an experience out of this world. Seeing his brows furrow over his glistening brown eyes and the moans and gasps that leave his lips and hit your own open mouth, have you clenching around him.

You’re so close now, your proximity and your unwavering gaze on each other have multiplied every single sensation tenfold and you know he notices it too because he’s now the one having trouble keeping his eyes closed and not letting his head hang.

His pace is growing erratic now, trying to reach your orgasms but allowing the buildup to last a bit longer. Yet he doesn’t really know how much longer he can go when your walls are so tight around him, trying to milk him dry.

But you want to see his gorgeous eyes again, so you let your hand cup his cheek and you watch in delight as his eyes find yours again.

He dips his head a little, letting his lips find the top of your wrist so he kisses over your riot tattoo before he starts kissing his way up your palm. Smiling, you let him carry on until you end up resting your thumb over his swollen lips.

Yours are still apart, letting every noise fall from your mouth without hesitation. The way his hips hit your own have him instilling pleasure into you already, but then he goes and adds to it with another visual that is going to be burned into your retinas for the rest of your days.

Matty parts his lips as he thrusts into you, biting down on the tip of your thumb. It somehow excites you that little bit more, but what really gets you is when he dips his head further and he sucks on your thumb.

And because your hips buck up to meet his own the next time he thrusts into you, as you moan beneath him, you feel the vibration of his as your thumb presses down on his tongue.

Watching him through hooded eyes, you see his lips pursing around your finger and still sucking on it and the way he hums around it before letting it go with a pop has your mind spinning.

You can feel yourself pulsing around him now, so close finally getting relief after being denied it for what feels like an age. With your heart hammering in your ears and Matty’s moans gracing them too, it’s not long until he has you on edge.

It only takes a few more thrusts from him to have you finishing for the third time. The sound of your moans get caught in your throat as your fingers curl into Matty’s hair and your nails scratch down his back. Your back arches with the intensity of the orgasm that has you seeing white, it’s almost too much - too good.

Matty’s jaw falls open with a loud groan seeing your come undone and at the feeling of your clenching around him. It’s a miracle he manages to thrust into you a few more times without cumming himself as he wants to help you ride out your high. But the feeling gets the best of him, he finishes a few seconds after you.

He tries to hold himself up best he can, but he wants to be as close to you as possible. Without crushing you, he falls completely against you and he lets his forehead rest against yours as you both feel every ounce of pleasure as he grinds his hips against yours.

Your orgasms linger for a while, both of you sweaty messes tightly wrapped around each other, neither one of you wanting to move. When you open your eyes a little, you can’t help but smile at the closeness, and Matty’s eyes open a little as well and he whispers, “You’re unreal baby.”

Not caring about the fact that he has you chuckling, the curly haired brunette moves his jaw so he can softly kiss you again. You’re positively obsessed with his mouth and the way that even the little kisses you share have your lips tingling and heart racing.

Matty kisses you again as he pulls out of you, almost as an apology of sorts at the small whimper you released. But you don’t mind and graciously accept the kiss before Matty moves himself so he’s lying beside you and he takes the condom off and puts it in the bin.

Both of you are still entirely out of breath, now looking at the ceiling because there's nothing more either of you can do than try to control your heavy breathing. You feel like you’re having an out of body experience. That was too good to be true.

Your whole body still feels like it’s tingling, the excess oxytocin clearly still lingering in your bloodstream really making every little memory of what just happened feel great even thinking about it. Before you can mentally relive it all though, you feel Matty turn his head to look at you.

The curly haired brunette admits, “I really like you.”

His heart is hammering in his chest, from your previous activities, but also because he couldn’t keep that bit of information to himself any longer. He had to tell you, despite him not realising he’s already drunkenly told you once before.

Hearing that has you turning your head to look at him. And just seeing the way he’s staring at you with so many emotions in his eyes that you can’t quite decipher yet has your heart swelling. Because despite not being able to place every single feeling, you can tell he’s being honest and vulnerable.

So you don’t hold back for a second and you let the biggest grin take over your face as you admit, “I really like you too.”

You do see the relief flood his features then though, and you can’t stop yourself from rolling on your side towards him, forcing another sweet kiss upon him.

“I meant it when I said I was obsessed with you, you know?” You tell him, feeling the need to remind him.

“Mhhh,” Matty hums in delight, “If you keep reminding me I won’t let you out of my sight ever again.”

“Obsessed.” You grin, letting it be an accusation and confirmation all in one. You let your noses touch again, giving him an eskimo kiss before you connect your lips with his again to give him a proper one.

Matty lets you briefly escape to use the bathroom, him very much liking the visual of you getting up and bending down to collect his shirt from the floor just to put it on as you walk into the other room. What he doesn’t like is that you’ve buttonned it up a little at the front when you come back out and you’re back to hiding your gorgeous body from him.

As much as he tries to get it off you, when you lie back down beside him, he only manages a few buttons until you distract him again with rogue kisses. And regardless, you still look hot as fuck in just his shirt and he’s not complaining seeing you only in that.

He raises his arm up over your shoulder and rests it over your back, rubbing up and down your waist over the material as he grins, “You look so good in my shirt.”

You smile, not letting his words fluster you this time. Taking the compliment, you ask, “Do I now…?”

“Really fucking good, stunning.” He puckers his lips wanting you to kiss him again and you do so with a smile. He smiles into the kiss too and when he pulls away he lets his eyes run down your body again and says, “Remind me to let you steal all my clothes.”

Tilting your head to the side, you raise your eyebrows and warn him, “Don’t tempt me.”

“You’re more than welcome to, baby.” Matty grins, but then adds a clause, “Only if I can take them off you.”

Grinning, you agree not expecting anything less, “I don’t think there was ever another option.”

“Good.” Matty nods, and with his other hand he cups your cheek and lifts it a little to get a good look at your pretty face. He smiles as you look so good, but he does notice that, “You look tired.”

Chuckling a little, you nod, “Nothing new there.”

“We should nap.” Matty tells you, pulling you by your waist into him a little more, “We should skip the party and cuddle all night.”

“No, we can’t do that.” You shake your head. Although, you are quite tired after your activities and the fact you got such little sleep last night, so you give in to one of his ideas, “We can take a short nap and then we’re going.”

The curly haired brunette pouts, asking, “Why can’t we stay?”

“Because we can’t just not show up to your best mates’ New Years party.” You laugh, pecking his lips again so the pout disappears, and when it does, you add, “Plus Amelia is coming too so I have to be there or else she’ll start chatting shit about me replacing her for you and standing her up.”

Matty snorts a little at that because he playfully accused George of the exact same thing when he started seeing Charli. He loves that your friendships have exactly the same vibe, he knows for a fact that you’d all get on well together.

Despite this though, Matty still powers through, wanting to have you alone and in his arms for as long as possible tonight. “Well, you can give Amelia a lovely visual of what kept you from her and I’m sure she’ll understand.”

Laughing, you shake your head in fake disbelief, “You’re such an idiot.”

“You’re obsessed with me though.” Matty grins, stroking his thumb across the apple of your cheek as he looks into your gorgeous eyes.

“A tiny bit maybe.” You smile, pinching your thumb and index finger together so they almost touch to demonstrate how small your obsession is.

Cocking his head a little, narrowing his eyes he accuses, “Downplaying it a bit there baby.”

“Don’t start now.” You shake your head, knowing he’s trying to get you flustered for him again but you’re not having it right now.

“What?” He tries to play innocent, acting all confused about your accusations.

But you soon cut him off, reminding him, “You’re more obsessed with me so…”

And once again he has you melting into him when he replies, “Damn, you’re right. I am.”

He makes you shriek when he nuzzles his head eagerly in your neck, his nose tickling the crook of your neck and the sensation of his curls on your skin making you giggle. His fingers clutch you tight into him by your waist, his tickling on your neck stops then and it’s replaced by short little kisses being littered on your skin.

You’re grinning like a fool with your eyes almost closed when he lifts his head up to look at you. “Are you keeping them leather pants on for me tonight then?” Matty can’t help but smirk a little.

“No, I reckon they were just for you.” You smile, feeling like you should dress up a little nicer, in something that Matty will like, but that also shows “I’ll change it up.”

Matty hums, certainly interested in anything you wear. You never miss the mark, “Have anything in mind?”

Thinking about it for a moment, you pick something out mentally and nod, “Yes, but it’s a surprise.”

“Awh,” Matty coos, kissing your lips a few times to butter you up so you confess when he asks, “You wanna surprise me?“

“Not you,” You shake your head, and jokingly say, “George.”

Matty playfully frowns at you, but pretending like he isn’t the jealous one, he tries to get you to change your answer by saying, “Charli would love that, sure.”

“I would hope she does.” You nod eagerly, not being able to hide your grin when you jog his memory a little, “Remember, I’d go for both of them.”

“Would you?” The curly haired brunette gives you a look of disbelief, and he looks down and gestures to the both of you as he asks again, “After this?”

“Yes.” You confirm boldly with a proud nod.

Matty scoffs loudly, “Bitch.” before he pushes you off him and he moves so he can be the one to hover just above you for a second.

He has the both of you laughing, and he knows you don’t mean it from the look on your face and your genuine laughter at the conversation. You just love doing whatever you can to wind him up, and you’ve certainly found a way to do it and are running with it.

“Why are you so energetic?” You can’t help but ask, “Aren’t you tired?”

“Am not.” Matty chuckles, but then he cheekily gives you a knowing smile, “You were right saying you were a Grandma.”

But you act just the same and give him his banter right back, “And you really did go through with the meaning of gilf.” and Matty loves the little giggle you let out at that.

“I’m very serious about my goals.” Matty tries to keep his smirk at bay but with your big grin it's a little difficult.

You tut and shake your head dismissively, “You always have an answer for everything, don’t you?”

“You know me.” Matty cackles and you hum in agreement against his lips as he kisses you again.

Afterwards, Matty lies himself back down and pulls you against him, and he urges you to get under the covers and get comfortable which you easily oblige to. The both of you talk for a while longer, your head resting near the top of his shoulder and his arm is around your back and you chat for a while.

With you Matty finds himself never wanting a conversation to end, but he knows you’re slowly falling asleep as your voice quietens down and your responses get a little slower until they are hums filled with gibberish. But the singer doesn’t mind, even he is getting tired now after the unforgettable dessert you’ve just had.  

A quick nap certainly won’t hurt anyone. He never promised George that you both would be at the party for any specific time before midnight, so he lets himself give into the post sex fatigue.

Soaking in the feeling of falling asleep with you in his arms, he feels truly content, and it only gets better when you cuddle yourself into him a little bit more when his hold around your waist tightens.

You let out a hum of bliss right in his ear and the sound is enough for him to know he wants you around for what he hopes is a while if time allows it. God help him, he really really likes you and he hopes with every bit of him that he doesn’t fuck anything up. He wouldn’t forgive himself.

But he doesn’t let himself think of things going wrong, like even the passing thought could jinx it, so he allows himself to enjoy this very moment: you laying in his arms, with your face hidden in his neck, your legs tangled together and your hand over his chest.

At first, he prays you can’t feel his erratic heart beating out of his chest, but on second thought, he actually hopes that in your hazy mind you can take in the palpable proof of the way you make him feel. He’s a complete mess for you, and he’s so eager to see where this can go.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 |

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Me and @alovesreading are going to go and repent for our sins now! See you soon for Part 6 x

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[strniohoeee]

I’m not sure if you write for Justin butttttt like the triplets have a friend and the reader is their older sister, an Justin starts to grow a crush on her…🫣

Clouded

Pairing: Justin Carey X Female Reader

Synopsis: Back home from graduate school, Y/N runs into her old best friend, and some feelings come up to the surface. Will these feelings be mutual??🫂

Warnings⚠️: None. This one was okayyy, but like Justin has me in a chokehold like let’s stop pretending he isn’t fine asf😁

Songs for the imagine: Misty- Lesley Gore, La-La Means I Love You- The Delfonics

Look at me

I'm as helpless as a kitten up a tree

And I feel like i'm clinging to a cloud

I can’t understand

Being the older sister meant being the babysitter when mom and dad weren’t home. Lucky for me most of college I avoided that, but I just graduated graduate school and moved back home while I looked for a better paying job.

It was weird having a brother 6 years younger than me because for a while we never got along, but like him and I could go drinking in a few months once he turned 21??

Anyways my parents gave me the summer off while they stood in Italy on a work trip as long as I watched my brother. I mean it was easy now that he was an adult I only set two rules: no parties and no girls over. For the most part I had a free summer back home in Boston. Oh how I missed home. I lived in Tennessee while I did the last 4 years of graduate school, and the south had nothing on up north.

The day my parents were leaving was the day my brother decided to crash his car and totaled it. The idiot was texting and driving and hit a tree. I’m honestly shocked he walked away alive considering he drove a car that was older than me. Nonetheless this made me his chauffeur which I hated.

“Y/NNNN LETS GOO I HAVE PLANS” he yelled from downstairs

“SHUT UP YOU TWERP” I yelled back putting my pants on

“YOURE TAKING FOREVERRRR” he yelled again

“STEFAN IM LITERALLY COMING DOWN, NOW SHUT UP” I yelled backed as I grabbed my phone and pursed and shut my light off walking down the stairs

“Ouuu someone’s getting all pretty for their boyfriend” he said ruffling my hair

“What boyfriend you weirdo” I said pushing him away

“Justin” he said laughing

“Justin? Your friend's older brother?” I said raising an eyebrow at him

“Yeah who else? Didn’t yall have a past anyways” he said putting his sneakers on

“Umm no we were friends, and then he got all weird on me senior year and I haven’t seen him since, that was like 9 years ago” I said grabbing a water bottle

“Ohh right weirded out by your obsession he chose to go to a different college I remember you didn’t like that” he said wiggling his brows at me

“You’re a little shit. I wasn’t obsessed with him” I said flicking him in the forehead

“Right and the sky isn’t blue” he said grabbing his overnight bag

“I’ll lock you in the house and drive away have fun getting nowhere” I said smiling at him

“Your threats don’t scare me anymore I could get to their house easily” he said smiling at me

“Yeah how? With your car? Oh yeah…that’s right you don’t have one” I said looking at him in a shocked way

“Fine you win this one” he said rolling his eyes

“Don’t I always” I said opening the door for him and letting him walk out

“I’m spending the night with the triplets, so you can just drop me off and then do as you please” he said getting in the passenger seat

“Sounds good to me” I said sitting in the driver's seat and connecting my phone to the aux

“Is Justin home?” I asked Stefan randomly

“And you say your were not obsessed” he said looking up from his phone

“Just answer the question dipshit” I said rolling my eyes

“I’m actually not sure. He never really came home during breaks or anything, so I don’t even know if he lives here again, or if he moved out of state” he replied

“Hmm nice to know” I said tilting my head a bit

“Why? Going to try and get him back?” He said looking at me

“What? No….I just haven’t seen him in so long I wonder what he’s been up to. I mean him and I were best friends that’s how you became friends with Chris Nick and Matt” I replied glancing over at my brother

“Yeah it is weird how yall just stopped talking” he said

“I never even got an explanation either. We grew up in diapers together and then one random Tuesday he just completely ghosts me” I said laughing

“Pretty pathetic” my brother said

“I know right” I replied

“Oh no not him…you…pathetic that you remember the day” he said laughing

“You’re such a dick” I said smacking his chest

“OW” he yelled grabbing his chest

“20 years old and you still haven’t changed one bit” I said shaking my head at him

“You know I love you” he said tickling me

“Stop weirdo” I said laughing

I had pulled up to the triplets driveway, and he texted them that he was outside. I got out of the car to hug my brother bye and told him to behave to which he replied he’s not a little kid.

“Y/N you’re home” Matt said

“Hey guys! Look at you you’re all grown up” I said hugging them

“It’s been forever” Nick said

“I know right, four years and now I’m back home for good, and my parents make me watch this numbnut” I said pouting at Stefan

“The same old Y/N” Chris said laughing

“You know uhh Justin’s back home too” Matt said looking at me

“Oh really? I haven’t seen him in 9 years” I said nodding at him

“Really? He just moved back too from graduate school he’s looking for a better paying job” Nick said

“Oh shit really me too” I said

“I can go grab him if you want to catch up” Chris said pointing behind him

“Oh no no don’t worry! I was just about to head out” I said

“Well alright I’ll let him know you stopped by” Matt said

“Yeah sure! Have fun guys and Stefan let me know when to pick you up” I said hugging him

“Alright” he said

They had walked into the house and I got back in my car. I went to start the car when my engine started to sputter

“What the fuck?” I said furrowing my brows, this is a brand new car???

I tried it again and sudden smoke started to come out from under the hood

“Holy shit” I said taking the key out

I got out of the car and popped the hood, coughing as the smoke clouded my senses

“Need some help?” I heard from behind me

“Uh yeah” I said turning around

Immediately my heart stopped and my eyes popped out of my head

“Justin?” I said tilting my head

“That would be me” he said laughing

“Sorry that was dumb…I’m just so shocked to see you. It’s been so long” I said laughing

“I know….you look good” he said smiling at me

“Thanks” I said

“Uhh your car” he said pointing at it

“Oh right…I mean I don’t know this cars brand new I’m not sure what’s going on” I said turning and looking at the parts

“Let me take a look” he said and walked over

Justin began to examine everything, and I slowly looked at him taking his appearance in. It’s so crazy how 9 years can change someone. He looked good and I hated myself for thinking about him in that way.

“Oh I found the problem” he said looking at me, snapping out of my trance I looked at his face

“Really? What is it?” I said

“You see that wire right there? It has a tear in it, but it’s an easy fix I can do it for you” he said

“Really? You’d do that?” I said smiling at him

“Well of course” he said nodding at me

He walked away and got some kit for cars as he began to patch the wire up

“Why are you being so nice to me?” I questioned

“What do you mean? I’ve always been nice” he said glancing over at me

“Mmm I don’t know. We grew up together and then one day senior year you just stopped talking to me, you acted like I was a ghost” I said crossing my arms over my chest

“Did I?” He said looking down at the wire

“Don’t play dumb I know you did it for a reason, and it hurt me” I said

“I guess we just grew apart” he said wiping his forehead

“Justin we made plans to go to the same college and the same graduate school, and then the same day you stop talking to me is the same day I find out you switched schools” I said blinking at him

“Well I got a better scholarship offer with the other school” he said looking at me

“Bullshit” I said scoffing

“No it’s true” he said finishing up the wire

“You got a full ride just like I did…your mom told me, so you deliberately switched schools and cut me off….why?” I asked

“I don’t know why okay” he said throwing his hands up in defense

“Yes you do Justin stop lying” I said

“Why does it even matter anyways? We're 26…..don’t you have adult things to worry about and not why we stopped being friends at 17” he said bluntly

“Asshole much?” I said shaking my head at him

“I’m not….it just doesn’t matter” he said

“Yes it does…what you did hurt me, and for 9 years my best friend of 17 years never gave me an explanation, and right now as we stand here as adults he’s pulling the most childish act of all by not telling me the truth” I stated staring him down

“Want to know the reason? Huh? You’re itching for it? That’s your issue you can never live in the unknown you have to know it all” he said looking at me and scoffing

“Yes Justin I do” I said stomping my foot down

“I cut you off and switched schools because I was so madly in love with you, and I could never have you because you never felt the same way. I sat for years watching you cry and chase over boys who didn’t care about you. I wanted to be that guy you chased so badly, and when I realized at 17 that I would never be that I put my big boy pants on and let reality sit in. I could not chase you to another school for another 8 years like a love sick puppy when you didn’t care about me that way.” He stated slamming his tool box shut

“I…I never knew that” I said my gaze softening

“I didn’t expect you to, you were so far up some other guys ass you couldn't see how much I loved you” he stated slamming my hood shut

“No Justin! I liked you too, but you felt unreal to me. You didn’t seem tangible. The cool guy that every girl liked….I let that school girl crush die a long time ago, and I shouldn’t have” I replied

“Why didn’t you say anything? I would’ve tried harder. I would’ve went to school with you like we promised” He asked in a whisper

“I tried….that day I went and walked up to you to tell you, and you walked right past me like I wasn’t even there. That day killed me. I realized I lost you forever” I said shaking my head

“I’m such an idiot….in love with you since I was 13 and I let you slip through my fingers” he said shaking my head

“It’s okay Justin” I said laughing a bit

“I feel like such a dick” he said laughing too

“I mean you were, but we were also 17, so it’s alright” I said

“Let me make it up to you” he said looking at me

“You already fixed my car that’s more than enough” I said smiling at him

“Speaking of which that tear in the wire was a perfect incision like someone did it purposely…” he said laughing again

“Stefan…” I said shaking my head

“He may be a dick, but he seems to be your wingman” Justin said

“I have to give it to him…I didn’t see that coming” I said giggling

“Smart kid” he said

“Very” I replied laughing

“You know I’ve always liked you like a lot, and I’m sure my brothers told your brother about my major crush on you” he said laughing

“Mmm he’s never told me, but I did raise my eyebrows a few times with the way they always wanted to run and get you so we could see each other” I said laughing too

“Our own little wingmen and we were so blind to it” he said

“It’s so crazy, but listen I have to head downtown and it was great seeing you and thank you so much for fixing my car I owe you” I said leaning off my car and taking my keys out

“Listen, don't even worry about it, okay! You being back in town is more than enough” he said offering me a smile

“Wow Carey you have a good way with words” I said looking back at him

“Didn’t I always” he said raising his eyebrows at me

“Mmm I suppose so” I replied opening my car door

“Well I’ll see you around then” he said nodding his head at me

“I mean would you like to come with me? I just have some errands to run for my parents it’ll be like the old days” I said

“Uhh yeah, yeah sure” he said nodding his head

“Cool hop in” I said sitting in the car

“Hop in? What are you 40” he said sitting in the car

“Shut up Justin….you're still the same” I said backing out of the driveway

“And so are you, always flustered when I tease you” he said poking me

“Back off” I said laughing at him

“I’m so glad we’ve got back together” he said looking over at me

“I agree” I replied glancing over at him

That day we spent together was amazing. We ran into town and reminisced on how we used to go out together to these shops all the time. I really enjoyed his company, and I couldn’t believe it took us so long to reconnect and talk about everything.

We sat on a bench downtown eating our lunch and just watching the scenery.

“You know I really really like you like a lot” he blurted out

“Justin you keep saying this” I said giggling

“I know, but I never got to say it, and it’s been on my mind for 9 years” he replied looking down

“You should’ve called or texted” I replied

“I know, but I figured you hated me, so I didn’t bother” he said to me

“Hate you? Never was I upset yeah, but I could never hate you” I replied eating a piece of my food

“I’m just sorry like I was such an idiot” he said shaking his head

“Justin it’s okay we were teenagers that doesn’t define who we are now” I said to him

“Yeah you’re right” he said nodding his head

“Plus you’re hotter now than back in high school” I said leaning over to him

“What” he said blushing

“It’s the truth” I said giggling at him

“You’ve always been beautiful to me” he said looking up at me

“Heyyy way to make me look like an ass” I said laughing

“No! Never” he said winking at me

“You think I’m beautiful?” I said shocked

“I mean who doesn’t? Everything about you is beautiful inside and out” he said taking a sip of his drink

“Thank you Justin” I said

He smiled at me while we finished our food

“So I say we head back?” I asked as I tossed our trash out

“Uh yeah that’s nice” he said

“And then you can give me a room tour” I said laughing

“It hasn’t changed much. I’m never really home” he said

“No? How come you’re back now” I said as we walked back to my car

“Mmm I heard through the grapevine you were coming back home and I wanted to possibly see you again” he said

“Who told you? My brother?” I asked

“No, my mom did actually” he said

“Mmm she always thought we were more than what we actually were” I said laughing

“I know, no matter how many times I told her no. I guess she still hopes we end up together” he replied

“I agree with her” I said as we got in the car

I had driven back to their house and went up to Justin’s room. It really has not changed at all.

“Even the bed sheets are the same from High school” I said sitting on his bed

“I told you I’m never home” he said shrugging

“You really came home for me?” I said shaking my head

“Uhhh well I also have a family too” he said shrugging his shoulders

“Right right” I said laughing

Justin had sat down next to me and I began to get nervous just like I did in high school.

“You really haven’t changed one bit” he said laughing

“What do you mean?” I asked looking over at him

“You’re still nervous everytime I sit next to you” he said bumping my shoulder

“Oh shut up” I said bumping his shoulder back

We looked at each other for a moment, searching each other's eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked me

“Yes” I whispered

Justin crashed his lips to mine, and his right hand came to my cheek. Caressing it and rubbing my cheek with his thumb as our lips locked in a kiss.

I can’t believe it took me 13 years to kiss my best friend who I’ve been madly in love with since I was 13. I wouldn’t change this moment for anything.

We pulled away and looked in each other's eyes smiling, and I reconnected our lips kissing him once more.

Suddenly his door opened, and we broke apart.

“OH MY GOD” my brother yelled with Chris, Nick and Matt behind him

“STEFAN” I yelled

“spying on us?” Justin asked standing up

“Whatttt no” Chris said high pitched

“Yeah sure you weirdos” I said laughing

“Come on let’s go downstairs” Justin said

We went downstairs and spent the day with our brothers. Sitting on the couch in each other's arms as we watched movies.

His parents came home to see us in each other's arms, and were pleasantly surprised.

I guess falling in love with your best friend is a lot easier than you’d think…..

The End

Alrightttt hope you enjoyed this one. I was like mehhh about it IDKKK. But love yall 🥹🖤

-J💅🏽

[ac-19]

Frowned Upon - T. Sawyer (Bravo 4)

Summary: you were trying to keep your relationship a secret, at least until you're contract with the Navy was up, but Sonny changed all that.

I could feel his eyes on me as I laughed with Lisa and Naima. This was one of the rare nights everybody could make it to the bar together and just enjoy time together, especially since the guy's deployment was coming up fast. 

"So (Y/N) when can we meet your mystery man?"

I chuckled as I shook my head. 

"No mystery about it, just keeping things private for now."

"Oh come on, it's been like three months now. Why didn't you invite him out tonight?"

I chuckled as I picked up my beer off the table and looked over at him. He lifted his beer up and I gave him a small smile before I downed most of mine. I set my attention back on the girls so I wouldn't make things too obvious. They had found out that I was seeing someone about three months ago but in reality it had been closer to a year and a half. 

Technically our relationship wasn't forbidden by the Navy, just very much frowned upon. We had known each other for years, but it was only when I got injured and was sidelined from operating about two years ago that we grew a lot closer which eventually led to us sneaking around. Right now I teach Green Team with Adam at least until my contract is up in two months. After that I'm transferring to the VA Hospital to be a nurse instead so we agreed to keep it a secret as long as we could for both our sake.  

"You think I'm gonna let him meet Sonny the first time I bring him around my friends? He'd run for the hills."

"It's cause he'd be so jealous of what we got going on sweetheart."

I chuckled as Sonny wrapped his arm around my chest and planted a sloppy kiss on my cheek. Sonny and I always had this flirty/joking relationship. Ever since we met we kind of just clicked as friends but he is nowhere near my type and I consider him more like an older brother than boyfriend material. 

"Simmer down cowboy. Clay's gonna get jealous."

Sonny laughed as he unwrapped his arm from around me and sat down in the chair beside me. 

"Blondie has new interests nowadays."

"Yeah, what's up with him and that Rebecca chick anyways?"

Sonny shook his head.

"God only knows."

I nodded as my phone lit up on the table. Before I could even look at it Sonny had it in his hands and was reading the text I just got out loud. Thankfully his name in my phone wasn't too obvious, but I had a feeling Sonny was going to put it together rather quickly. 

"Why don't we get out of here? OH SHIT! Your mystery man is one of us."

He looked over at the next table where Jason, Ray, Metal, Trent and Brock were sitting engulfed in what seemed like a rather serious discussion. 

"Give me back my phone Sonny, and why do you make that assumption? He could just be in here somewhere."

Sonny looked around the bar and I did a quick scan. Most of the guys in here were Green Team or veterans. 

"Well unless you're dating one of your students or someone who's a hundred years old, I think my assumption is fair."

I rolled my eyes as I took a sip of my beer as Sonny kept staring at the text on my phone. 

"Four red hearts... HOLY SHIT! It all makes sense now, Trent's got some mystery girl we know nothing about and you've got a mystery man. Wait now, Trent's mystery girl has been around longer than you're mystery guy though so I'm doubting myself now."

I shook my head. 

"I'm not entertaining this Sonny."

"Oh come on (Y/N/N/), you two were always close when you were Bravo 6. It would make sense."

Great, we got everyone's attention now. I looked back at Jason and caught Trent's eye, but he didn't even bat an eye at the whole thing. I mean would it be the worst thing if our friends knew about us?

"Ok so Trent's mystery woman showed up after you left Bravo and that was..."

"You know Sonny, my head's not too sharp since the injury so you know the timeline's a little blurry."

"You have a metal rod in your hip and blew out your right knee. What does that have anything to do with your head, you jackass?"

Amidst the conversation Trent got up and headed towards the bar. I didn't want to say anything that would make him uncomfortable so I extended my hand and grabbed my phone out of Sonny's hands and tucked it into the pocket of the jean jacket I was wearing. 

"That's enough of that Sonny."

"You know me better than that by now sweetheart. I'm not gonna drop this."

I rolled my eyes as I looked over at the bar to find Trent only to realize he wasn't there anymore. I put my head down only to feel someone's presence behind me and a beer being put down in front of me.

"Since we're dating now, I thought I'd buy you a beer."

I chuckled as I looked back at Trent.

"Thanks babe."

"I can't tell if you two are serious or if ya'll are just fucking with me right now."

I chuckled as Trent leaned down and planted his lips on mine. I smiled against his lips as I brought my hand up to the back of his neck. 

"HOLY SHIT!!! I WAS RIGHT!! Davis, you owe me twenty bucks."

I couldn't help but laugh as Trent and I pulled away from each other. So much for keeping this a secret any longer, but it was a weight off my shoulders that our friends knew about us, that way we didn't have to be so secretive anymore. 

"You know you guys didn't have to keep this a secret."

"We were gonna tell you guys. After my transfer."

Jason nodded. 

"Well we're happy for you guys. Now Trent even if she has a metal rod in her hip and a busted knee she'll still kick your ass if you're being a jackass."

"Oh trust me I know."

I chuckled as I looked up at Trent. 

"Hey guys!"

We all looked over at Clay and he gave us a confused look. 

"What'd I miss?"

Everybody just started laughing and I couldn't help but smile. I was so happy that we didn't have to sneak around our friends anymore. 

[iguessweallcrazyithinktho]

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS w Ruben,ok so the reader is City’s journalist and they basically work together so they are super into each other like sexually but when they are in the middle of their fuck buddies thing they fell in love with the each other but they are scared to admit it.

sorry about if it was to much I got the idea when I saw that you wanted some rubs requests🫶🫶🫶🫶

I didn't proofread so if I fucked up something lemme know

Being a sports journalist for City means I have to interview the players often. At first I hated it but after one caught my eyes I've started to love it.

Ruben was fucking gorgeous. It didn't help every time you interviewed him he flirted with you. I grew very attracted to him and eventually I realized he grew attracted to you.

One day after an interview I was packing up my things to leave when I heard my name being called. I looked up seeing Ruben coming towards me. I smiled at Ruben and he returned the smile that made you weak in the knees.

“Hi Ruben.”

“Hi y/n.” He stopped in front of me so close it made my breath hitch in my throat. “I was wondering if you want to go out for drinks tonight or sometime?” He asked me, his confidence never vanishing.

“Ruben you know you don't drink.”

A laugh left his throat. “how would you know? Have you been looking me up?”

My face heated up at getting caught. “fine Yes I have but only for interview purposes.” I lied. “you can take me out but no drinks. Give me your number and I'll text you.”

Ruben gave me his number and later I text him. Eventually we scheduled a day to meet up at his place for drinks. I was excited when the day arrived, not thinking too much of it.

Ruben invited me in to his place. We had dinner, talked about a couple things before Ruben lips eventually landed on mines while I was mid sentence.

For the next few weeks me and Ruben were fuck buddies. I mean we hung out but still sex was always involved. When Ruben lost a game I was always there to help him relieve the anger or when I simply need it, he was always there.

It was great and all but the lust I felt for him was quickly disappearing and turning into something more.

I didn't want to tell him how I really felt for him.

After a night together, I laid in his bed staring up at the ceiling. Ruben laid beside me doing the same.

“I think we should stop this.” I said abruptly causing Ruben to sit. “Why?”

I turned to Ruben, “thers no reason.” I lied.

Ruben eyebrows knitted. “Are you interested in someone?”

I shook my head not saying anything.

“Then why? Just tell me please.”

Ruben beautiful eyes looked at me making me crumble. “Fine Ruben, I like you ok. I've liked you since our first interview together 4 months ago. I didn't think we would end up as fuck buddies, but now that we are I've grown to like you a lot.”

Ruben face softened. Before I could blurt out how he didn't have to say anything his lips found mine. This kiss wasn't like the kiss he gave me during sex. It was softer.

When he pulled away he rested his forehead against mines. “I like you too.”

A little gasp left my lips. “you do?”

Ruben nodded pulling away to look at me. “Yes. I've should have told you earlier and asked you on a date but I was just stupid.”

A smile spread on my face. “can we start over then?”

Ruben returned the smile. “I like the sound of that. Would you go on a date with me y/n?”

I laughed. "of course"

Sorry I cringed all the way through this

[aleksa-sims]

RL Simself Story ⛈️

We had just arrived at Damien’s Mom's house. The thunderstorm continued, so Nico and I had to spend the night there. As I wanted to call my Mom, to tell her not to worry, Ana also called me, to tell me Daniel was back home. I was confused!?... I couldn’t believe it and I was annoyed by some things Ana did. Why was she at our place to talk to D.? Why is Ana meddling in my affairs? I mean, I get it! She was worried about him, she loved Daniel, just like my whole family did. But why did she have to mention that.... Lexi- shit? And why does she always think Alex is responsible for D.'s & my probs? Anyway, it pissed me off. And Nico was sitting right next to me while I was on the phone with Ana & my Mom. So he knew it too now, that D. was back. 😞

Me (to N.): I’m so sorry.... But trust me, it doesn’t change anything. I promise.... Uhm... I'll step out for a sec. I-...I have to call Ana back.

Nico: It's raining buckets!! Where you going? It's crazy out there.

Me: I-.... I just have to get out. Don't worry N., it's-... it's all fine. ok?

Nico: I'm going with you. 😟

Me: No! Please, don't. I just need to be by myself for a while. 😞

I'm so stupid!!! No one was out in the fucking weather, expect me, fool!... I had some questions for Ana. She said Daniel seemed high to her. I wanted to know why? Why did she think that? Well, Ana meant D. smoked, when she saw him. Actually, she was right. Daniel only smoked when he was high, or when we tried to get off that damn durg. I was worried about him, but at the same time, also mad. By now I knew, that Daniel saw Irena, just before he left 4 months ago. He was in her apartment. I didn’t know why he was there, at Irenas and his former place? Irena didn't want to tell me more.

Ana: Where are you anyway? Are you out there alone?

Me: Ah... yea, I'm alone.... Agh, Ana? Um... shit. The reception here's poor. Wait, I’m going in a different direction. Maybe it's better there?.... I think I’m gonna call Daniel.

Ana: You should go back to the house, to N. Just text Daniel. Tell him you'll be back home soon. But you don't have to call him, now A.!

Me: I’m afraid to tell him, Ana... And I feel so shitty about N., too. I'm so horrible. 😞

Ana: Yea. I get you. But Nico knew what he was getting into.

Me: Still, he also has feelings. N. is not an ass, as you all think. And I love him.

Me: Ana?.... Hello?... Ana!... Ugh, shit. 😨

Perfect timing. My phone died. 🤦‍♀️I was so absorbed in talking to my sister, that I got lost! I had no reception near Damien’s house, so I went in a completely different direction, but now, I did not know where I was? I decided to go back the way I went. Couldn't be so difficult, I thought....🧐

I was wrong! I got a.... little mental breakdown?... I wandered blind through an unknown area. Because of the heavy rain I could hardly open my eyes. I started to panic. I couldn’t use my phone to call N. He’ll think I left him, to rush home to Daniel. I was so worried about that. Nico told me himslef, just a few days ago, that he doesn’t trust me anymore. He's gonna hate me! 😨 And my Baby won’t have a Dad or a family bcs of me. 😭... I tried not to think about it, but about the tips my therapist taught me, to better deal with my panic attacks. And yea, I calmed down. I looked around again. I tried to concentrate to keep my eyes open. I saw two houses in the street where I was. I made my way towards the houses, to ask someone for help. But then I changed my mind. Somehow I didn’t feel good about ringing at strangers. I was afraid a psycho could lure me into his house. 😬 Yup, that's from watching so many horror movies, Ik!

Besides, I noticed that the road I was on, was a sign pointing to a bar and some shops, that should be just around the corner. I decided to try this first, before... well, I get killed by a sicko. Believe me, I have often run into some sick guys in my life. That’s why I was so insecure.

Meanwhile the others were starting to worry about me. Nico couldn’t find me outside and my phone was off too. He asked Damien to help him look for me. Oh, and the electricity was cut.  Allegedly, an important power pole was damaged by lightning. 🤷‍♀️

As you can see, I did not end up in a bar, but went to a shop that was open. I was so relieved when I saw other people there. They were surprised by the thunderstorm. Now they’ve been stuck in that small twon for two hours. They couldn’t get home. The streets were closed due to flooding and some other probs. Anyway, I was looking for the shop assistant to ask if I could use their phone. I just wanted to call N. to tell him where I was. Finally I found a young woman standing behind the counter, admiring herself in the mirror and taking selfies. I think she was about to go home? She grabbed her bag and hung it over her shoulder....

Me: Hi!... Um, excuse me?... Sorry, I don’t want to disturb you. Um, may I short use the phone here somewhere? I’m not from this area, just visiting, but I got lost. I just want to call my boyfriend so he doesn’t worry about me.

Girl: Oh, hi!... Sorry, but we are having technical probs with our phone connection atm. But, you know what? You can use my phone for a second. I hope it works. I just got off the phone with my brother and my mom. Let's try.

Me: Omg, I know you! (😡) Is your brother Damien?

Yes, I met Diana. Damien's Twin Sister. Let’s see if she remembers me? 😒... Oh, and btw, I didn’t really get lost. I just have a terrible sense of direction! Damien’s house was only 2 blocks away!!! So I went in the right direction, but.... somehow I didn’t recognize the surroundings. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Previous/Next

[clawbehavior]

hi there you! hope you're doing well over there. i'm finally here with my Qs from writer's ask for you and curious about your answers for 4, 14, 17, 19, 21, 27, 30

hi friend, thank you for these thoughtful questions. i had an amazing time answering them! writer's ask games

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

panting.

it's so visual and versatile! are they panting because they're livid and ranting? horny and breathless with desire? terrified and breathing in quick bursts? running, tired, sweaty, etc. gaon's always panting in my stories but for various reasons.

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?

i do not! save for one friend and it's because i love them very much. they ofc returned it in pristine condition. funnily enough, i still have the childhood novel they lent me years ago, so i should ask them these questions. we laugh about it being on my bookshelf every few months. 

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

the final chapter of 'even gods can't change the past' is 80 per cent complete. it just needs to be rewritten. 

in terms of lore, the story is based on my fascination with the idea of gahan meeting when their lives are seemingly full and stable, only to recognize that they were missing each other, and it could only be each other. adding in a kid fic and trauma was a delicious way to enact that scenario. it's a niche idea that doesn't reflect canon, so i feel thrilled whenever people tell me they like it.

in terms of history, i know how gahan meet.

it goes like this: gaon returns to the ministry after being off-site. he's hungry so he checks out the food cart outside and buys a package of their v delicious cookies that are fan favorites. it's balmy, so he goes to sit on a bench to eat his cookies. there's another man there and at first they sit in collegial silence but then the man starts eating gaon's cookies, like reaching into the bag gaon placed on the bench between them and taking a cookie out for every cookie gaon takes out. gaon's like ??? and in the ensuing conversation he learns the following: his companion is intellectually sharp, aggravating, but also intriguing. they argue about the function of the justice system in maintaining law, order, and societal morals. it's an exciting conversation. gaon hasn't felt this intellectually stimulated in a while, hasn't met someone who challenged and could keep up with him. he's so fascinated that when they reach the bottom of the bag and the stranger snaps the final cookie in half and offers half to gaon, gaon smiles and takes it without remarking on it. 

they have meetings to get to so they go inside. while he's rummaging through his bag for his access card, gaon finds....his bag of cookies. unopened. ergo, gaon had been stealing from the stranger's cookies placed between them while the man had said nothing. he's mortified but there's no time to react because gaon's boss finds them outside the elevators and reveals yohan as their newest colleague. a smiling yohan then properly introduces himself.

this scene happens before jishin is born. it's bookended by a scene long after jishin's death when gahan is together for real. gaon wakes up alone, does his morning routine, and goes to sit outside on the porch where he's soon descended upon by yohan and their youngest daughter after the two return from a sunrise romp through the ravine that yohan's backyard opens into. she runs to gaon for a hug and he cuddles her. yohan kisses him good morning then takes up the other end of the love seat, pulling gaon's legs into his lap and stroking gaon's foot. by and by you learn all these details: they have three daughters now adopted through Switzerland and raised in Korea. being a father to jishin taught gaon how to love his other children, and he can see it in how his five year old (modelled after jian in a 'shop for killers') soaks up affection after so many years of neglect. so it's about how loved/in love/loving gaon feels, cuddling his child and playing with her under yohan's tender gaze. 

i don't expect to write these scenes so it's so rewarding to get to share them on Tumblr🥰

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

i wrote ff in middle school when i had more time and lots of creativity. i stopped abruptly and picked it up decades later last year after a harrowing experience led me to want to have a creative, safe, and generative experience. i didn't expect to write more than that story ('lonely for no one') but the TDJ fandom is so engaging and personalized because we're smaller that i kept writing a year later. in the future, i will finish eeaao and work on 'my heart is going back to you'. i also reaaaaaally want to write a political intrigue gahan au, where gaon is more cynical and therefore more dangerous and on yohan's level. idk if that's the idol au idea i had or a new fic where gaon is introduced to yohan at internal meetings where the live court idea is first brought up and gaon is a contender because of his popularity with the public and sharp political acuity. he would be older and instantly wary of yohan but also compelled by him.

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?

i don't have any plans to! i love ff writing and the people it connects me to. 

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?

the reporter in eeaao. she probes gaon for information under the guise of professional interest, unknowingly revealing info that has gaon clue into yohan's real motivations. the problem was that i couldn't figure out how to turn this critical plot point into dialogue. what does she say that makes gaon cautious but not wary so that he keeps talking and they both get information out of the exchange without the reporter recognizing that's what's happening? lol this small significant detailed has bothered me since August 2023 but we've cleared that hurdle now. 

30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?

i wish i could say that i dream routinely but i do not. 

[payservewomen]

I’m tempted to say “I’ve hit a new low”😔 but in reality, I’ve been at rock bottom for…a very long time. Years I suppose.

But at least a few years ago, I interacted with women outside of work. But now? I don’t even leave my bedroom on my days off from work.

I sit on my bed, watching humiliation clips; calling ignore phone lines; taking embarrassing photos of myself; edging myself, oftentimes for many hours(almost never less than 4hrs. up to 12hrs)

The one newer development is- I’ll edge for a while, but then the sadness/anxiety makes me go limp….or i’ll be semi hard but my loser penis only grows slightly larger.

It’s like i’m trying to keep in as small as possible, because I know it should be teeny tiny. It CAN grow to 7in but considering how pathetic I am, part of me wishes I had a microdick. Then I could forget these thoughts i have of becoming a normal person again.

Then I could search 24/7 for a superior woman who wants to use and abuse me.

I fantasize about meeting a woman and dating….Getting comfortable with her to the point that I’m able to do the best I’m capable of in making her orgasm…. But then we open up and share kinks etc….and i know as time goes on, there will be many times my dick doesn’t work.

Slowly over time, she realizes just how much of a beta i am, and begins flirting with real, confident men.

By this time, we’re living together; Maybe one month she asks me to cover all the rent, then bills and spends her money on going out….Then a “friend” of hers(maybe with a unisex name that’s usually a woman’s name)is coming into town; she offers our place to stay….Tells me to make dinner etc saying “ali loves lobster tails and filet mignon! I know ur low on money, but it’s ok! I’ll still have enough left until ur next paycheck! Thanks sweetie! Maybe we’ll meet at the airport, then I’ll let you know when we’re on our way, flight gets in i think about 5pm but who knows if it’ll be on time”

I get off work, begin prepping everything….texting her asking if ali’s plane arrived at 5:30….”it did but we’re tryna find the luggage etc. With traffic it’ll take quite a while, plan for a late dinner!”

By 6:30, still nothing, so i text then call to find her phones off.

I figure she’ll probably be walking in any minute….So i check the “find my iphone” tryna be extra sweet and have everything timed perfectly. I see it moved from the airport towards home and begin making dinner….Until i realize another hour has passed. I check it again to see it’s been somewhere between home and the airport for 2 hours now!

Next thing i know, it’s 10, then 11, then 12 midnight!

I’m dozing off and finally see a text “Omg babe i’m sorry! I lost track of time! Ali said getting a hotel room would be easier, and we’ve just been catching up but ugh it got so late and you know how i don’t like to drive at night anyway, so I’m just gonna stay here tonight, see ya tomorrow!”

I just fall asleep, and wake in the AM to see several weird video texts from a number i don’t know….I hear giggling and a man’s voice….almost seeming like someone’s trying to record something and my gf saying “no stop don’t! that’s mean ali!” There’s at least 4-5 clips like that, the last one ending with my girlfriends sexy belly on the screen. I figure ohhh they’re just having fun i guess? But it did give me a bad feeling in my stomach….

Those vids were sent at about 1am. Then at 2am, just a close up of what i’m sure is my gf’s skin, but i can’t tell what part of her body…..but the audio on it was simply my gfs voice sounding like she’s whining or moaning or something? and saying “mmmmm ohhhhk fuck it”

Then 30mins later the clip begins blacked out, but with clear audio…just sounds like licking and slurping….Then a man’s voice “yeah worship it bitch. Now, say it” then the phone moves, showing an arrogant looking man smiling, then it slowly pans down over his entire perfectly fit muscular body….very slowly, stopping on each part of his stunningly perfect body….i mean this guy had an 8pack! Absolutely chiseled in every way. Then it stops to show his abs and v-lines, and then slowly shows his balls…I didn’t know balls could actually be that big!

Then slowly as possible, the camera moves to show the thickest cock i’ve ever seen!

Then the vids stop…but there’s a text at 4am with only an address….my gf knows i wake up for work at 4am…

i call and text her but her phones off ofc. I go to work, and finally around noon, my gf calls saying she’s going shopping with Ali, saying she didn’t bring any of her credit cards asking if i’ve got any money left…i tell her i’m not sure how much, but i’ve got $500 in a sportsbook app from winning the night before…”omg babe that’s perfect! Don’t worry i can move it from there, is it your normal password?” I answer yes, and ask her just to leave at least $100 or so….

And ask if theyre gonna be having dinner tonight…”yeah sweetie we are! I’ll let you know when we’re on the way”

I ask her wtf all those vids were. and who that guy was and she replies “huh? Wait what? You’re telling me you got videos from a random number?! And it had a perfect man’s body with a horse cock?! Lol babe i dunno what websites you’ve been visiting but i’d imagine it’s something to do with that!🤣 What?! u think i’m cheating on you with an old friend or something?! jk! Love u babe”

I hang up the phone and immediately get the same text with the same address, i look up the address to find a really really nice hotel is there. Then another text comes through simply saying “penthouse suite, beta cuck”

Then another text….just a screenshot of a receipt from stub hub for tickets to the nuggets game that night, 5:10pm. 2 tickets, $250 each, wow, better than i’ve ever had for sure.

Then one more text again with the hotels address, saying “ur welcome to stop by whenever, but i suggest you either wait for us to get there or something. not getting up to open the door if we busy fuckin. Can’t wait to see your bitch ass cry🤣”

This one hits me like a ton of bricks and it’s feeling more n more that it’s gotta be exactly what it seems….but no way she’d do this to me!

The great part of our relationship is complete and total honesty and openness! My gf, allison is kinky and loves to be a dirty slut, and we have talked about her fucking others, maybe even a gangbang!

But we’d only done a handful of super kinky things….we’re both submissive so it’s kinda hard to push it and try really crazy n kinky things….we both need that more aggressive attitude!

But i know she loves me deeply. We’ve such an intensely strong emotional connection, more than either of us ever have!

Still no word from my gf and it’s 8pm. At 9pm she finally texts me but it’s the exact same as from the other phone number and it’s just the hotel address and room number…..I call her back, and it rings and rings until going to voicemail. Maybe she didn’t hear it, i call again…it rings 3-4times, less than the last time, then goes to voicemail. I try again and it rings twice then voicemail….Again, same thing. I call yet AGAIN, prob the 6th time and it goes straight to voicemail!

I check the phone locator app and see her phone was at ball arena(nuggets play there)the length of the game….and moved to exactly where the hotel is.

I get dressed, now fearing the worst, but thinking “ok this makes no sense! Either she’s playing some joke on me; something weird like that or some surprise for me?”But i do realize that the most likely thing is…maybe she’s been partying with her friend, she cheated and isn’t sure how to deal with me…..But what’s up with the pics etc? ofc she’s aware of my pervy kinks etc, and she’s prob making it seem like she’s cheating on me, i’m hoping!

I walk to the light rail station, and get on the train….Ugh yeh don’t have the money to get an uber…i checked my bet365 account to see its at zero!

Wtf?! I had some futures bets….ones i could cash out for about $250 total, but they were all just cashed out! i’ve not one bet at all and no money here!

I see that $800 was withdrawn and my bank account was credited $800! But $500 used for the tickets, and $300 spent at some weird fancy store downtown.

Ok that’s it i’ve gotta see what’s up as i’m sitting on the train, mind running wild. Fuck, i gotta get off and walk 20mins, then get a bus!

I get off the train, walking to the bus stop…..Bus finally comes and oh fuck, as i’m tryna buy a bus ticket on the app(for $2.75) It dawns on me “fuck i don’t have enough money in my account” i look at the driver and say “i’m not sure why it’s not working” he looks at it and says “yeah cuz you’re card is being declined, sorry” and closes the doors.

I’m defeated and want to cry. Looking at google, i see it’ll take 2.5 hours to walk there….

It’s now almost 10pm and i consider going back home, but then wtf?! I can’t just sit at home wondering wtf is going on!

So i walk and walk…i watch the clip again and again of the perfect man’s body, fantasizing that the woman i’m in love with is cheating on me in the meanest way possible….Finally, it’s after midnight and I arrive at the hotel….I ask the front desk how to get to the penthouse, and she tells me “the elevator is right over there, but Sir, there isn’t anyone staying there right now”

I thank her and walk away tryna figure out what to do.

I text my gf asking why she texted me that address. she texts back right away with another address! I lose it and call a few times, each time it’s sent to voicemail. I text her back yelling “OK WTF is going on?! What’s your problem? Tell me what’s happening right fucking now!”

She texts back “i’m sorry sweetie, i didn’t mean to upset you! Just having fun with my friend, sorry guess i didn’t realize….I’ll be home tonight, but we’re out, omg babe i’m so drunk! I’ll see you at home, probably late!”

So i begin to walk back home…and remember the light rail isn’t running anymore….Now, I’ve got a 3.5 hour walk!

Finally i arrive home, it rained a little and i’m soaked, socks wet, and miserable and exhausted….

I open the door and hear slurping sounds and my gf giggling. My heart sinks and i already know what’s happening….I yell “wtf are you laughing about?! The fuck is wrong with you, ur being a fucking bitch!”

And i see the same man from the clips emerge from my bedroom, butt naked….he’s holding my favorite shirt, sweat dripping off his immaculate body and he wipes it off, then wipes his asshole with it, now it has skidmarks and throws it at me, saying “wtf did you say bitch?”

I ask who he is and what he’s doing at my place he replies “whatever tf i feel like doing faggot!” I say no it’s my place, and no i’m not gay” i emphasize gay, since i’m not a fan of bigotry and homophobia…”yeh didn’t say your gay, but you ARE a bitch ass faggot! Wtf you gonna do about it, huh? that’s wtf i thought, now, on your knees…obey or i’m gonna beat you up so badly….maybe you’ll get outta the hospital by the time i get out of jail, but it’s your choice” while making his pecs bounce in a very intimidating way. he walks up to me cracking his knuckles saying “ya know, i really DO hope you put up a fight; nobody ever wants to fight me” I look him up and down, knowing he’d kill me quickly….He’s gotta be a foot taller than me….im 5’9 and he’s gotta be at least 6’6!

I ask if i can take my shoes and wet socks off first and he laughs then slaps me in the face, open handed but hard, immediately followed by a left handed slap, i lose my balance and stumble to my knees, then i say “ok ok” on my knees looking up at him.

“Thank me for bullying you. Do it bitch” i thank him, he laughs, spits on me and gives me a wedgie….i make noise indicating it’s hurting, and he proceeds to give me an atomic wedgie…laughs then demands i take my clothes off but keep my wet socks on….

He laughs hysterically at my dick and shouts “baby, how tf were you actually fucking THIS?! omfg, ok come on slut”

And i see my love…she’s crawling on all fours..crawls up to this greek god and begins kissing his feet. She works her way up his legs, as she kisses and licks literally every inch of his perfect body.

Ali then says “ok now, don’t make me tell you again”

She looks me directly in my eyes “Bobby, keep looking in my eyes, ali says we must keep eye contact and he’s in charge here, ok? Please listen to what he says, i don’t want you to get hurt, i really don’t…not physically anyway. I say that because i i i DO want you to get emotionally hurt. I am sorry but when Ali told me he wanted to fuck me, i told him about you. Over months he kept teasing me for fucking such a loser; i love you but you are a loser. He’s been sending me pics of him, and the girls he fucks and omg babe, they cum so hard, and I fondly remembered being fucked by ali. I broke up with him cuz he cheated constantly and i thought that wasn’t ok, Now i realize how superior he is. It’s a small price to pay to be allowed to touch a superior man, im sure you understand. After i admitted how badly i wanted him he began insulting you and making fun of you. He made me take pics and record our sex, and that’s why i haven’t cum in so long, he said i wasn’t allowed with a loser like you. Ali is a sadist, he loves to make women worship him and loves nothing more than breaking beta men like you. That’s not an insult; you’re a beta, he’s an alpha, ya know?

He’s been planning for months to do this….it’s his masterpiece of destroying a loser!”

By this time i’m crying, tears streaming down my face…

“now bobby, we’re recording all of this and you’re now going to thank ali for making your fantasies come true. I know it hurts; the goal is to break you. Ali and i will marry, and you will work for us and live in a tiny room in the basement. U will be used and abused. I know it hurts but this is your new life now. Sure you can run away or something, but then ali will send all the vids and clips to your entire contact list.

But right now you’re going to beg ali to let you eat his sweaty asshole, do it you fucking piece of shit!” By this time ali is rubbing her pussy with his foot and it’s making her horny af….mmm fuck, i fucking hate you loser!” And she spits on me, confusing and hurting me.

I begin to beg to eat his asshole….

And wow, I began this planning on just whining about being so sad and pathetic but then wrote all this…wow i’ve got issues

[khaleesiofalicante]

Me: time to do important applications

My brain: or……… You can go on Tumblr.

While I’m here, how about some life updates:

I have a few job interviews coming up, and no matter how many times I do these, nerves are so fucking real.

Also, whoever developed the idea that my best friend and I had to go to meetings that last from 12 to 3 with like really short breaks, and then there was one that lasted from 12 to 6, in order for us to keep our college scholarships because fucking capitalism should burn. i’m just happy she’s there, because we text each other and gossip about the really annoying people at the meeting. Like that one girl that keeps interrupting me.

I went on a date like two weeks ago with a real life girl. Crazy I know, my love life has been nonexistent for months. And crazily enough, after the date, she still wanted to speak to me. She’s really sweet though, and we may or may not have stayed up a few times till 4 AM just talking and no matter what happens, it has 100% been really nice to get to know her. My friends seem to like her though so that’s a plus. We are absolute dorks with each other and it’s just a vibe.

My vacation was also very nice. We stayed at this little condo by the beach because my friends uncle has money. And it was lovely, it had a nice balcony where you could hear the ocean below. Plus I just got to sit around and do nothing but gossip with my friend and watch random YouTube videos with her. Plus gossip with her mom who is one of the funniest women I’ve ever met in my life.

I’m also trying to get back into reading which has been nice. I’m trying to get through this book of short stories about various meet cutes.

I think that’s about all the stuff going on in my life. Have you been surviving the difficult January? Did those people end up crossing those boundaries that you set continuously? if the answer is yes, drop their location, I will have to “take care of some… Business.“ Preferably with the use of sharp objects.

Song rec: this used to be one of my favorite songs when I was younger. https://music.apple.com/us/album/hoja-en-blanco/27064339?i=27064315

OKAY WAIT BUT THIS IS A LOT TO PROCESS GIMME A SECOND OMG.

Interviews are the fucking worst. I hate them too. But also as someone who conducts interviews, remember being confident is literally the most important part. And you are a confident badass bitch. You got this.

Also adulthood is literally attending super long mandatory meetings that shouldn't exist. Welcome to the hellhole :)

ALSO WHAT IS THIS ABOUT A DATE. Also screaming at you saying "real life girl" and clarifying it lmao so valid. People you can easily talk to, feel comfortable around, and make you laugh are the best kind of people. I like her already.

I'm so so so glad you got to go on vacay. I wish we can eternally be on vacay and not work smh. I haven't read anything yet. I'm hoping to read at least a couple of books a month so send me your motivation I need it!

January has been okay. I just keep focusing on my tasks and getting them done as usual. But I'm kinda tired and it's ridiculous because it's like only mid January???? As for the people who kept crossing boundaries and overworking me, I'm actually quitting. My contracts (yes i have three contracts with them that's how much work i do for this one fucking client) end in March and I'm gonna ask them not to renew them because I'm so tired of their bullshit. I might keep one of them because I genuinely enjoy that project but let's see if they let me keep it hehe.

And the song rec was a vibe. Here is a song i listened to a lot as a kid and I still do. It's an Arabic song and just an absolute bop.