#and my roommates mom is no help
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NEW TATTOO
#my roommate was like#ollie help i keep getting clients who want their moms name in gothic font i want to do color NOW#here look at this design do u want it#and i was like YES GIRL THANK YOU GIRL ILU GIRL
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it doesn't really make sense in the logic (lol) of the show but part of me loves the idea that edd is being raised by his grandparents.... kids who are raised by grandparents tend to be overly mature and a little uhhhhh off-beat. i feel like it could explain a lot.
#before you ask yes this is me projecting#i know some folks hc his parents as being a bit long in the tooth which i like too#but idk i just think it would explain so many things about edd to learn that he was in fact raised by senior citizens#and shit i still call my grandma 'mom' so to me its not weird at all that he'd call his grandparents 'mother and father'#everything else about them stays the same though#theyre still aloof and neglectful#and i still think the worst of them#anyway i love projecting my trauma onto edd specifically for some reason#he's such an easy target for angst i can't help it#oh and speaking of angst#for anyone who saw that post a while back and is interested in an update on my whole bastard landlord/roommate kicking me out situation:#i found a room and will be moving in 2 weeks 🥴 kill all landlords etc etc but hey at least i'll have my own bathroom#and won't be living with the final boss of millennials/reddit incarnate#unfortunately for you guys though that means i should be able to indulge in my tomfoolery again soon (shit posting and shit drawing)#even though it seems like our tiny fandom has gotten even smaller recently#alright i'll shut up now biiiiii#text
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double parked, 2x05
#the stay-at-home-mom struggles#(CUTIE)#double parked#madeleine sami#ooof...#i know this is a comedy but the direction this is going with johnny... breaks my heart? is pretty awful? steph all overreacting when#she learns he went to hospital with them... he is their roommate after all and nat needed help right away#even if he isn't traditional dad he is still... something. to the babies. and still their friend. sigh
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I moved almost all my stuff and so far it went really well!
We still need to put the closet back together and some shelves but all the furniture and boxes are here now (except bed and desk which i will buy new ones soon)
My friends are so wonderful and carried all my heavy boxes upstairs (theyre very strong wtf)
I havent arranged most of it yet, its all just randomly in my room, but that only makes sense after we put the closet together and see where it fits...
#also i have basically no clothes here and my bedding too (ill sleep at my moms places until i get new bed and bedding)#its so surreal to be here#especially cause i was so so scared but it went really well#my roommates friend also spontaneously came to help (even tho they dont know me) and another friend of theirs is coming to help with#the closet (because she just really like putting furniture together apparently)#so thats super sweet and im so glad for it#im exhausted tho (even tho i didnt carry most of the stuff myself) and its so hot today oof#my back hurts :(#i could sleep for a million years right now#(especially since i couldnt sleep last night again til 5am)#mine
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#sorry for not getting to my asks ive been teaching 9-4 all week and doing stuff after .. i.e. class my moms bday and roommate touring#which is working out hORRIBLY#so far everyone has either cancelled or. ghosted me#other than a guy who loves the place but determinedly said he can't pay utilities#and we need someone by the 1st#and my landlord is hounding me so badly#and i have to drive two hours tonight#right after 4#to get to my mom's bday dinner with family#i am#it's just been a marathon#and im so upset abt the roommate thing#esp since ive been blamed for not doing enough by my currently. disabled roommate#who has to take care of herself ofc#but doesnt do any chores and didnt help at all and I SAT IN THE ER WITH HER FOR HOURS#its just. i am so tired. and can't afford rent without someone. and will have to beg on my knees to my landlord to give us more time to fin#someone.#and it will work. but. at what cost#i seriously wish i moved#geez sorry to rant im fine and will be fine.#its just a lot#the two hours of driving tonight is really bothering me#caitie blabs
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Fuck me. Fuck my life. Fuck in general.
My mom has covid. I just spent four hours in a car with her yesterday, although both of us were wearing masks. She'd already tested negative once and thought it was the flu, but as soon as we got home, her second test was positive.
I'm scared because this is her second time having covid, and she already has more chronic illnesses than I can even keep track of. She really doesn't need to add long covid to that list - and neither do I.
Also, she went to my grandpa's funeral this morning. Wearing a mask, but still. There were a lot of very old and vulnerable people there.
I'm fucking coughing again. I had a cough on Wednesday, tested negative but isolated anyway, then it went away and I teated negative again on Friday, so I though I was fine. The cough literally just returned. Does the placebo effect apply to coughing?
#hylian rambles#vent post#my throat is itchy god help me#i tested negative twice this week before seeing my mom but i could totally still have or get it#need to orderore covid tests as soon as i get home#and hide in my room away from the new roommate#fuck i have to reschedule my dentist appointment on monday#and i may not be able to go to work either this week
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ok first week of four tens is over...... My back and shoulders hurt so bad I started crying earlier, we had 1-2 security incidents every day and two bad closings in a row (single staffed bc one person has to leave before closing to start project work) (said project work is what is killing my back and also shoulders) PLUS I gotta do all my regular tasks and not let my work fall behind. which it did a little bit this week. I am so fucking TIRED
#PLUS roommate of three years moving out PLUS new roommate current lease is almost up PLUS we have been waiting for a week on our apt app#to go thru.yall#the property manager called my MOM. if we dont get it im gonna scream.#all this and im supposed to be able to react well to social change in my environment? help#ok. sorry it'll all be literally fine i just have to be dramatic first#etc etc
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oh btw if you havent tried boba tea yet and you get a chance to dont fucking do it it will ruin your fucking life (i have had like 3 cute little colorful drinks in the past five days)
#delete later#nobody told me milk tea with brown sugar in it is a gateway drug#you'd think it would help me that i'm limited to non-caffeinated drinks but no. that just means i drink the color purple#you'd think my lack of a driver's license would stop me because i can't go to any boba shops but no. they sell boba on campus#and now my mom has gotten $40 worth of coupons for me to share with my roommates#for the boba shop i can get a student discount at#i'm so fucked#dont be like me! dont follow the same path as i!! stay strong!!!! resist the whimsy of a colorful drink you can chew on!!!!! resist!!!!!!!!
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I just wish government services fucking worked like liberals libertarians and republicans seem to think it does
#why was i denied food stamps in tx when my rent was more than my salary and they claimed i made too much money#why was i denied medical care since 14 bc my mom couldnt afford it and made less than minimum wage#why did my job trainor with the vocational rehab of new mexico just leave me after i did everything she told me to do and got no job#why did i as a barista not qualify for medicaid when they could see my debt my falling apart car and the holes in my shoes#i called for legal help in our roommate sitch and they took my info and told me i should hear.from them by monday#i told them i have nowhere to go or live with a disabled fiance and 2 cats sunday#and the onus is still on me to call them backnup if they forget#it stayed in my drafts but i tried to kms 2 weeks ago and i still dont know why im here
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Oh actually in other news, my divorce was finalized a couple weeks ago so that’s exciting, I guess. (And also sad, and also relief etc etc)
Still a real roller coaster of emotions over here. Trying to go to church young single adult activities and boy oh boy is that anxiety inducing. But I know the only way to get better with it and feel comfortable is to keep going. I know I’ll make friends, it just won’t be immediate.
#my life#short lil rant#been wild over here#I’ve kept no contact so very proud of me#and my therapy sessions have helped a lot#and my lawyer won my case#and my roommate went to church with me#and to a ysa actuvity#and queso cuddles me when I cry#and my mom makes sure I’m ok#I’ve been really blessed
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Health insurance please acknowledge that you exist and tell me my policy number so i can get my adhd meds refilled. Please. For the love of god. I begged them to let me start the meds for a reason. Its been a week and i am Struggling
#thank god to my roommate helping me a bit more of a Together Person and my mom for being willing to keep bothering the company abt it#i miss being an operational human being#sev rambles
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the worst part abt moving is fucking. coordinating everything.
#i am getting the majority of my moving done on wednesday but i had to coordinate that between my roommate‚ my mom‚ my job‚#the friend who is helping me move‚ my current apartment complex‚ and u-haul#that is simply Too Many Parties#tiny.txt
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...
#holy fuck. knock on wood. fingers crossed. press my thumbs. i think the pain is cycling down#like probably its this bad bc my body is weak from fighting an allergic reaction and i think lam1ctal can cause some menstral issues#but like holy fuck. i cannot go thru that again. just hours of being nauseous and crumpled in pain#i was very very very seriously considering going to the hospital. but like ive ridden in an ambulance before and i dont wanna spend like#1000 dollars to go like 10min down the road. bullshit. god i hope its stopping#it was just like so much pain i didnt kno what to do. absolutely intolerable. ugh.#please dont let this happen tomorrow 🙏 please please please. i have to teach#and ny roommate is staying here the next 2 nights after not seeing her for like months#y now? 😭 im gonna have to b like hi *visibly disheveled* if i talk i might puke. bye.#i wish i could just sleep thru this. ibuprofen is not helping 😭#im just worried if i went to the hospital theyd make me wait for hours in the waiting room. shaking with pain. and then id b fine by the#time they got to me. like yea srry i was jusy being a lil bitch abt a normal bodily process lol. god. ppl with high levels of chronic pain#how tf do u do it? i dont think im strong enough. but i guess u probably get used to it. god that sucks so bad#ugh. i wish my mom was here. i want her to just pet my hair until i feel better 😭 but nooo shes going off to have fun in canada#so she's gonna b even farther from me than normal 😭#unrelated
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playing with circles O●°○•°o.
#trypophobia#i want to draw again so bad#i feel like my brain is too full of gunk and the only way to clean it is by drawing and i just don't have the time#i did this at work when it was slow#i'm in the process of moving right now. it'll be my first time living alone#i'm finally getting my adhd medicated after getting diagnosed in january#my life is so different year to year it honestly is dizzying#at this time last year my current roommate and i were looking for an apartment#at this time two years ago i had been at my second job ever for three months and i didn't have a car#and my mom had to drive with me to and from work because the van had been totaled and we only had the one car for the four of us#at this time three years ago i had just graduated and was a month into my first ever job. didn't even know how to drive#i thought i was so behind in life and that i was gonna be stuck like that eternally#now... god i don't even know. i'm trying to be positive#this is gonna be my solo chapter. my zuko alone episode. my walden pond.#but really i'm just so scared all the time and i have no choice but to keep treading water forever#i feel like all through childhood everything stays the same. nothing prepared me for living through constant change#entering my mid twenties i'm learning that. yeah you can't predict everything you can't prepare for everything#you can't keep anything and you can't change anything#but you can hold it in your hands. you can choose to live it. you can choose to be there#i hope once i get settled at my new place i'll suddenly find time to do everything#i hope the meds help me with that. i just want to draw again. i just want to feel alive again
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1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!
2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr
3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!
overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!
#aritalks#i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use#not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before#and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk#but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day!#the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow#also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years#(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years#and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk)#was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!!#i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight#so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday#my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work#my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all#over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins)#but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered#(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting#when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so#just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my#mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19)#so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her#and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too#i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure#out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still#dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not#the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one#if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it#but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help#and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks#just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️
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Just found out my two siblings are in my mom's will, but not me. Also my grandpa has told the entire family about his engagement. Except for me. Also my dad told my siblings that he and my mom bought a plot of land. Can you guess who they haven't told?
#these tags are about to be a massive trauma dump tbh so avoid if you want#when i was fifteen i came out as trans. and my mom was terrible about it. and my dad was up for a promotion so we were considering moving#and i found a list of my moms pros and cons for moving. on the pros was 'people there dont know about (deadname)'#so that was ideal for a suicidal fifteen year old to find. and tonight i just learned that im not in her will#both of my siblings are. but im not. and its just always been like this#im treated like im not part of the family anymore. and it's been that way since i was fifteen#i heard from my brother that my grandpa is engaged. and he told both my siblings about it directly. he never told me#i reach out to my parents. i never hear back. my aprents text my sibling to check on me (sib and i live together)#everything is kind of shit rn. one of my rats is dying. my family doesnt love me. im broke. my best friend and i arent really talking#because he fucked my ex gf and now things arent really the same anymore. strangely enough. he doesnt reach out anymore#so i have no one to talk to about any of this shit#last night i was crying about my rat and i guess my roommate heard it cuz this morning they said#'are you okay? if you ever need someone to talk to who will never bring it up again you can talk to me'#and thats the most loving thing ive heard from someone in months. from a woman ive known since august#im. just. at a loss. since i found out tonight. that im not in my mom's will#its not about money. or assets. its about the fact that im her fucking child and both of her other children are in it but im not#after she dies shes willing to help them out but i can get fucked ig#i wonder if im gonna be invited to my grandpas wedding. i wonder if any of them would want me at their funeral#i wonder if any of them would come to mine
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