#and my queer identity and gender crisis only he knows about | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mamawasatesttube · 2 years ago

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When/how do you think Kon started like exploring his gender? Did having to change his look to fit in at smallville have smth to do with it?

you just walked into my askbox and went "i'm gonna activate tumblr user mamawasatesttube's trap card!" i hope you know this.

so YES, firstly. i do believe changing his look to fit in with everyone in smallville had something to do with it, BUT. it's not just a case of "oh small town = conservatism, homophobia, transphobia, etc". it has more to do with him having a civilian persona for the first time in his lifie, and not knowing how to do that. through all of his time in sb94, he's never really fit in with "normal people" - he was always held apart from his classmates in hawaii, then he simply never interacted with regular people while living at cadmus, and finally when he lived in metropolis in the suicide slum it was. well. not good.

so moving to smallville and having a secret identity to protect - not just his own but superman's secret identity - is a lot of pressure to perform a role he's never played before. it's not even so much about small town attitudes so much as it is just the contrast of what he's used to and the concept of "normalcy". superboy, the clone of superman who's a hero and a celebrity, has never had to worry about being normal and not drawing too much attention. conner kent, on the other hand, has to worry about that very much.

he takes out his earring. he cuts off the longer parts of his hair and lets the shaved part grow back in. he grows keenly self-conscious of being a "geek" and making too many references to this or that media. for the first time, he starts paying consistent attention to what other people think of him and how they talk about him. it's not the same as his identity crisis before, when he just was worried about being "cool" and got a makeover about it; this is about something bigger than him, something so much more important than just his reputation. he has to keep this secret. it's not freedom, at first; it's a burden he's trying to learn to carry.

that's part of why he resents smallville at first. it's a whole new set of rules and restrictions and boxes he needs to fit into. and he's used to rules and restrictions and fitting into boxes, but these ones are nothing like the ones he knew before, and the stakes feel so much higher. he misses his "freedom" from before, so he hates "conner kent" and what smallville represents.

at this point, he doesn't really know that his gender and sexuality are involved in this repression. he just knows the way he dressed before and the way he acted before get attention in a way he doesn't want now, and he assumes any feelings of ickiness and missing anything are just tied to his whole resentment of smallville. it doesn't click for a long time. he just straight up doesn't clock that he has any gender-related feelings outside the norm, and he doesn't register any of his attraction to guys as attraction. he's deeply in his "overinvested straight ally" phase (think of his interactions with hero cruz - defending him from sparx and telling her homophobia is Not Cool!!).

and then he dies.

to establish a core part of my feelings about smallville... as someone who grew up queer in small town america, i am Deeply critical of everyone who dismisses rural areas as entirely conservative, intolerant, and bigoted. these people definitely do exist in rural areas, sure, but they are by no means the only ones (and they also very much exist in urban areas, too). to that end, i don't think smallville is just a ~homophobic little town~ where kon is miserable in the closet because of external pressure.

i do think kon does languish miserably in the closet for a time. but it's a lot of internal pressure and identity issues at play, not just the worry of homophobia. he spends a lot of time introspecting after his resurrection, learning to love his life with ma; it's during this time that i think he starts to actually realize his feelings about himself are queer feelings.

one of my personal favorite headcanons is that the first person he ever admits any of this to (first that he thinks he's into guys, bc that's the first one that he actually puts together) is hero cruz. hero is definitely the friend who's been out the longest, and very possibly (though ofc this can depend on personal hcs!) his only friend who's out at this time, given that he and cassie Just broke up.

now a major reason he struggles in the closet here is the idea that being queer as conner kent would mean deviating from the "normal" as conner kent. and conner kent is supposed to be a very normal guy, to fit in and fade into the background, to not draw attention. and that's his major hangup. it's easier to consider if superboy could come out than for conner kent to come out, because superboy has never been normal. he's always been set apart. but conner kent? conner kent has a vital secret to keep. he doesn't want anyone looking at him.

he finds it harder to accept queerness as a civilian than as a hero bc as a hero he's already "weird" and "alien" (literally), right. he can be loud and proud and obnoxious there and it doesnt matter! but conner kent is supposed to be ~normal~ and not like kon-el. conner kent is keenly aware of everything that makes him not fit in, and for a long time those things bring him uncertainty and shame because he is still struggling to try and figure out how even being a civilian works, let alone living a civilian life that's """abnormal""". it takes him a hot minute to work through this.

and then senior year, there's rumors going through smallville high because this one guy wanted to bring his boyfriend to prom but the school prom committee head teacher wouldn't sell a couple's ticket to two boys who are known to be dating despite selling them to plenty of girls who say they're just going as friends, and now a bunch of students are protesting by getting same sex couple's tickets and insisting on going actually as couples, and of course kon has to join in on that, he will always stand up against injustice even as a civilian...

...and one thing leads to another, and conner kent finds himself making out with simon valentine in the back corner of the dance hall, and they crown him prom king despite it (or maybe because of it!) and he's stunned because he didn't know he was popular (because he's kind, and loved, and funny, and good) and he's still popular despite clearly being into men now, and it's not a bad thing in everyone else's eyes, and oh? that was allowed all along?

and it's freeing.

that's the first step to exploring gender. first he has to let himself admit to being queer at all, and admit to being okay with it rather than needing to repress it forever, and it's kon. of course that only happens once he can use "helping someone else" as the reason.

NOW back up a large step. there's a second component to all this i haven't dug into yet, and it's about fashion.

more to the point, it's about ttk. one of my Favorite hcs is that he practices it via fibercrafts, even before his death but especially after. first crochet, then knitting, then bobbin lace, slowly increasing the number of moving parts he's working with; he ends up making a lot of lace.

ma uses some of his little lace scraps as bookmarks. he makes a bunch of doilies and then table runners. it's genuinely great ttk practice, but really, they have a lot of lace. so kon starts learning to sew, so he can start making lace-embellished tablecloths and then some simple circle skirts and things for ma. they sell some of them at local farmers'/crafters' markets.

and kon starts wearing some of it himself. at first he's really self-conscious, but... it's something he made, and he's proud of it, and it does look really good, so. fuck it. he and ma can go to do groceries wearing matching skirts, right? (circle skirts are easier to sew than pants, okay. pants have so much more going on. he's still teaching himself, okay!!!)

it takes him a LONG minute to realize that maybe some of the "oh, i do look good in this!" feelings might, in fact, be gender euphoria. as in, he doesn't realize it until after he starts unpacking his sexuality feelings and going ohhhh. conner kent is actually allowed to be queer and that's okay. only then does he realize that uhm... maybe conner kent is, like, extra queer. like, turn up the dial and add more spice.

with time, support and encouragement from friends and family, and some exploration, he gains more confidence in exploring presentation and actually thinking about gender. he doesn't really care that much about pronouns, but he Does hate being confined to traditional masculinity - he does enjoy being masc sometimes, but he hates the idea of having to fit in it as a box. he's much happier getting to flit around from masc to femme to all sorts of places in between. he finds it freeing.

okay i have rambled so much. this is more or less my idea for how the overall arc of kon exploring queerness goes, but im sure ive forgotten bits and pieces and will remember them within like 5 minutes of hitting post. but here we are here it is ive been typing on and off for like an hour now so im cutting myself off. there it is. my kon gender and sexuality thesis.

oh one other thing. also he loves to be young justice's babygirl. okay im done now

#kon #rimi talks #rimi's meta #is that a tag i have i swear i had a meta tag. fuck if i know #anyway !!! whatever !!!#summerbummin #answers

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the-guilty-writer · 2 years ago

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Criminal Minds PRIDE Fic Challenge!

Here we go! First writing challenge ever and I'm even more excited about the theme. During June I ask fic writers to challenge themselves a little bit by writing a piece that is LGBTQ+ inclusive!!! Don't let the topic intimidate you; If you want to participate, but don't know where to start, there are prompts to help. All the fics will be collected in a Masterlist that will be avalible by July 1st.

Note: if you have accessibility issues with this post (or any of my posts!) let me know and I can send you the information in an accessible format.

Prompts and rules are under the cut!

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These prompts are only ideas to help get you started! You can write any LGBTQ+ centered fic you want! Feel free to modify any of the more specific prompts to your liking.

Prompts:

Character coming out to their friends/family/the team.

Character's found family is more supportive than biological family when they come out.

Characters go to a pride parade/festival/event!

Characters discuss queer coding in media.

Character(s) explains their new, queer relationship to a child.

Character 1's child comes out to them. They go to Character 2 to ask what they wish their parents would have done.

Character 1 is having an identity crisis (gender or sexuality). They go to Character 2 for help.

Character 1 is confident about their identity. Character 2 isn't, so they ask for some advice.

Character 1 takes Character 2 to a gay bar for the first time to act as their wingman/wingwoman/wingperson.

Character 1 is unsure if they're attracted to or envious of Character 2's confidence in their identity.

Character has been dating Morgan, but realizes they're not attracted to men. He isn't sure how he ended up in this situation twice, but it's the perfect opportunity for him to play matchmaker for his ex girlfriends.

Character comes out to the team (or it's just pride month) and Penelope goes a bit overboard with decorations.

For the writers who are intimidated by this topic or unsure if they can write it: write something with GN!reader. It's less intimidating than you think, and it can make someone's day to be able to read a fic they might otherwise not relate to!

Bi and Pan Prompts:

Character 1 has always thought they were straight, but they realize their feelings for their best friend, Character 2, are more than platonic.

Character 1 is in a straight passing relationship and worries about the visibility of their queer identity. Their partner is incredibly supportive in helping them express themselves.

(NSFW) What does Emily really do during a sin to win weekend?

Trans and Nonbinary Prompts:

Character 1 gives Character 2 a gender affirming haircut.

Hotch teaches Character how to shave.

JJ teaches Character how to do make up.

Character finds themselves needing gender affirming clothes. Rossi makes sure they have the best of the best.

(NSFW) Character 1 gifts Character 2 gender affirming lingerie and it gives them quite the confidence boost.

Aro and Ace Prompts:

Character 1 keeps trying to set up Character 2 with people/telling them to find someone to help ease their stress. Character 2 has had enough of it.

Character has a monthly spike in libido and it makes them question their identity. Spencer tries to help with a ramble about science (NSFW add on: and a few other ways).

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Rules:

The fic can reader insert, OC, character x character, general fic, etc. as long as the character(s) is from Criminal Minds (yes, even the ones I don't write for).

Fics can be any genre and can be platonic or romantic in nature... and yes, this includes smut (I know, I know my brand is ruined. Oh well). You must be 18+ if you are going to submit smut. You all know I love platonic fics very much if not more!

You can write something new or dig up something you've already written! I'm also happy to add on fics that are sent to me after the masterlist is posted.

Tag me in your fic or message me the link. Please list the ship, content warnings, and have a 1-2 sentence summary of your piece! If you have multiple pieces, you can submit a mini masterlist.

Be kind and respectful! Reach out to me if you have any concerns. This blog is a safe space!

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Thank you to @imagining-in-the-margins for the support and for sending some of the prompts from discord! (and telling me it's safe to tag @foxy-eva for this too)

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andromeda-grace · 1 year ago

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Writeblr Introduction

Hi, I’m Andromeda (she/they). I am returning to Writeblr and decided to start a new blog for my WIPs and writing updates! I want to use this blog to shout out other Writeblrs, make posts about my current WIPs, and experiences in publishing. I mostly write original fiction but write fanfic when the inspiration strikes. I love Writeblr games and asks!

This blog is a safe space for all identities, gender & sexuality, neurodivergence, race, and religion. I do my best with content and trigger warnings.

My Writing: Genre and Representation

I love horror, sci-fi, and fairy tales

I don’t enjoy romance (if it’s only the pursuit and drama), but I love writing nuanced love stories where people communicate well and put effort into building relationships

Lots of queerness and queer relationships

BIPOC main characters

Neurodivergence- shout out to the undiagnosed ADHD queens, the anxiety, and masking/coping behaviors

Trauma, out of context, is seen as personality

Smut- sex is a part of life and it’s fun to write. Get down, make mistakes, get messy. My sex scenes aren’t just conventionally attractive people putting on a show. I emphasize body diversity, complexities of gender identity, and emotional state

Tropes:

Found Family

Villains

Redemption- working to be a better person, even when it’s hard

Poly-Amory- we often have more than one close friendship, and have variety and nuance in those different relationships, so the same thing goes for romance

Morally gray/Feral girls- women have so much responsibility put on them for the emotional wellbeing of others, but what if they aren’t capable of that? (think Broad City/ Bottoms)

Finished works:

The Devil You Know- short story- Out now! Find your copy here

Genre: horror, vampires, fairytale

Vibe: The Green Knight x The Witch

Anya has built a quiet life for herself, trusted as the village healer as long as she keeps her magic hidden. All of that changes when a strange traveler arrives at her doorstep. The man looks human, but Anya senses an old and powerful magic within him. Intrigued, she allows Owen inside. He claims to have been an apprentice to a witch, and Anya, despite her suspicions, finds him to be a kindred spirit. They begin a romance, both finding comfort in one another.

Their peace is broken when a family comes to Anya in crisis. Their child has been cursed, and is transforming into a monster. Desperate to save the boy, Anya asks Owen for help. He can grant her the power to break the spell, but it requires blood and forbidden rites. Knowing that she can’t break the curse alone, Anya faces a choice with deadly consequences.

WIPs:

Bubblegum Capital

Genre: Queer Cyberpunk

Vibe: 1984 x Legally Blonde

Novaczek is on the brink of fame. They’re an amateur gamer about to break into the pro leagues. But their dreams are crushed when work denies them time off for the championship.

Novaczek decides to play on shift and is caught. Everything comes crashing down. They find themselves at rock bottom having lost their job, company housing, and girlfriend all at once.

In a world where your value is measured by your social ranking, Novaczek has to claw themselves back up, hustling for money and favors from friends. As they work their way back up the ranks they discover an underbelly where nothing and no-one are what they appear to be.

Love, Asunder

Genre: Gay Vampires, Family Saga

Vibe: 1917 x Hellboy

James Townsend was supposed to be starting his new life, an American abroad, with a Fellowship at Oxford University. All of that changes when Germany marches on Paris. James can’t remain in the classroom while teachers and students leave their desks for the battlefield. So James enlists as a volunteer ambulance driver on the Front. The days stretch long with violence and misery, but he finds purpose and friendships in the trenches.

Then he meets a man, a smuggler providing supplies and information to the Allies. Etienne is so different from the soldiers, bright and charming. They begin a secret romance, disappearing together when they can, and writing letters in between.

An opportunity comes to meet in Paris, and James is overwhelmed at the opportunity to spend time with Etienne in the City of Love. Free to spend their days together, James quickly discovers just how much Etienne has been hiding from him, and enters a world of magic, beauty, and death.

Tropes and fun stuff:

Butch witches

Femme werewolves

Playing the vampire tropes straight

Magical Underground

Found Family

Bio-Family responsibilities

Many, Many different kinds of love

I'll be sharing moodboards and snippets along the way! Looking forward to learning more about the other talented Writeblrs out here!

tagging: @hillnerd-art @suffrajett @starknstarwars @em-dashes @blind-the-winds @leave-her-a-tome @athenswrites

#writeblr #writing #gay vampires #writeblr community #writers on tumblr #witchy shit #novel writing #horror #fairy tales

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skkflower · 1 year ago

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Trans Chuuya thoughts I posted on twitter. It got super long so I’m posting it under the cut…

Chuuya realizes he feels “wrong”after post explosion birth and after being socialized by the Sheep…he brushes it off as proof of not being human…as he learns more about society he decides to present himself as a boy because his enemies take him seriously that way (in my head the Sheep were orphans from Suribachi and runaways so there’s probably a pretty big queer community there)…totally ignoring the fact that being called a boy makes him happier.

Basically his logic up until he joins the mafia is “I’m probably a boy, but I have bigger problems” and his dysphoria over being human is stronger than anything really…but I think when he meets the flags (and Kouyou I have a whole section for her), he starts to think more he starts to think more about presentation vs identity (ie learns that women don’t have to dress as men to be taken seriously, gnc Lippmann, insert other flags hcs I have)…Chuuya realizes he is trans…Doc offers to get him HRT and surgery but Chuuya’s really in his “I don’t trust anyone in the Mafia” phase and doesn’t want to really stake his transition on an unstable source/ hates depending on people…so he’s fine with rocking with the masc leaning androgyny…his dysphoria lessens a bit because he now realizes his gender confusion isn’t what makes him not human…

BUT THEN BAM STORMBRINGER JUMPSCARE (the only way to really think about sb actually)… Verlaine is also trans *insert the singularity metaphor thread here* and Chuuya literally watches his past self die in his arms (trauma and trans metaphor two in one combo)…although Chuuya is king of repression…he probably channels all his sb trauma into a complete gender crisis…cuts his hair and starts binding with transtape…wants to start HRT but is still uneasy about doctors and all. But after weaponizing Corruption as Soukoku…he starts getting really bad dysphoria/dysmorphia about his sense of humanity again…which translate over to gender dysphoria and he goes through a bad mental state for a bit, so he ultimately decides staring HRT will be best.

(Kouyou is transfem in my head and she sits him down and is like “you’re clearly suffering right now and we can help you” and they decide to send him abroad to a hormone specialist because he’s a labrat kid lol)

Yes my explanation for why Chuuya is not in dark era is transgenderism…Dazai defects…he gets promoted to Executive…finds out he’s definitely human and starts HRT…gets more confident in his gender identity and starts presenting more gnc again…it was mostly about control for him and having stability in his place in the mafia helped him feel more confident. A lot of his confidence is a mask (autistic chuuya), but he is secure. TransChuuya is so real to me!!!

Bonus Thoughts:

Soukoku was definitely making out/hooking up post SB, but Dazai respecting Chuuya’s boundaries increased their mutual trust and made them such a strong duo…knowing each other inside and out and also respecting (they were never safe enough to say love yet) each other…

Dazai is deffo gender apathetic nonbinary…he also probably has more of a humanity dysphoria there…their gender crisis starts during the 2 year isolation…to quote my partner who hasn’t watched bsd, “dazai to me is those pretransition trans women who look so miserable (dark era) and then when she transitions you can see the light in her eyes and a spring in her step”

Chuuya has not gotten top surgery because of medicinal trauma and also because I said so…

TRANS PEOPLE DO DON’T TRANSITION OR PRESENT OUTWARDLY IN A WAY DEEMED “SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE” ARE SO VALID!!!

Anyway please take this stupid skit of bungo stray woke:

*soukoku arguing during reunion*

Chuuya: you weren’t there for me!!

Dazai: of course not, I left the mafia!!

Chuuya: no I was talking about me starting HRT…

Dazai: oh…WELL YOU WEREN’T THERE WHEN I REALIZED IM NONBINARY

Chuuya: oh congrats

Dazai: yea I use any pronouns now

Chuuya: coolio

Dazai: you look better…more chuuya now…

Chuuya: thanks

*awkard pause*

Chuuya: okay im going back to kicking your ass

Dazai: yea fair enough

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #chuuya nakahara #trans chuuya #soukoku #dazai osamu #nonbinary dazai osamu

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mokutone · 1 year ago

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your art makes me wanna start testosterone

i can't read tone well, so this is either an incredibly touching ask, or an extremely funny one, and in the absence of confirmation: both!

i'm in a chatty mood, so i'll share some thoughts about testosterone and my art.

i liked being on testosterone a lot. i had an IM injection every two weeks (on tuesdays!) and because that's a sizeable dose every 14 days that slowly disperses, it can cause some mood fluctuations (every other friday i would have a crisis about not feeling like the world had a place for me in it) but even those were far more manageable than the ones that would come with my previous and current monthly hormone cycle (every month i spend a solid week thinking the world will never have a place for me in it)

It gave me a patchy little bit of scruff on my chin and a whispy mustache under my nose that still struggles on, despite adversity!

It redistributed my fat a little bit, but that's long since gone back to pre-T shape.

it lowered my voice! that hasn't changed :^)! even if i never go back on t, that won't change. it was the thing i most wanted, and its the one i'm most grateful for. Pre-T, I didn't speak much. I'm getting better and better at talking and getting more and more comfortable communicating with people because of it.

having been off t now for 3 years, i don't pass anymore—not as a cis man, or a cis woman, certainly not as anything approximating straight. if people look at me and see anything, i'd hazard a guess that they see me as A Queer (the noun—for all it's complicated connotations).

i'm not surprised that my art might make somebody want to start testosterone! a lot of my art was made out of the aching grief that came with being kicked off of testosterone, and how neatly that loss of autonomy over my own body knits in with yamato's loss of autonomy over his own.

how my body started doing things i disliked, how i didn't have the support necessary to access the healthcare i needed—how my inability to give myself what i needed made me feel as though i were trapped inside of myself and abandoned (by both myself and the world at large)

when i write comics about yamato as a trans man, i don't take away his testosterone, because that hits a little too close to home for me. for Ninja War Town Reasons, he has plenty of access to all the HRT he could ever need and nobody questions his need for it—instead, i project my own horrors onto the way Danzō defined his identity for him as a child, the way that Kabuto and Obito dehumanize him as an adult in their war efforts, and reduce him to the thing his body holds (the Mokuton). I give him a kneejerk compulsion to dehumanize himself (out of a feeling that he has a duty to his community to do so) and I give him a slow-growing resistance to that impulse (which comes out of a feeling that the people he loves would frown upon seeing him reduce himself like that)

it's dysphoria! it's not gender dysphoria, but it's a loss of self, and a need to reclaim it. it's a war between the hollow shell of a thing he thinks he has to be, and the vibrant and messy person beneath it that he is. it's a desperate need to say "this is who i am—only i can say it"

I enjoyed HRT a lot. it was a really useful tool in helping me feel like my body was my own, that i didn't have to fight it, that we were the same entity. It's not the only tool, but it was a really good one, and one day I hope to use it again.

(as for the being off of it—it's unpleasant, but i'm enduring! being somebody who now doesn't really pass as anything has put me in a weird and interesting position, where I'm constantly having to declare myself to people, because nobody knows what to make of me on any front. they don't know if i'm a man, a woman, nonbinary, nor even what age i am (Augh!!!!) it forces me to be brave and vulnerable more than I'm comfortable with—if I tell somebody I'm a man, there's no way that they will believe I'm cis, but I'm not about to recloset myself—and I don't think I could at this point anyway.)

(there's something fascinating about the position i find myself in, and while i'd leap back on t the moment that an opportunity presented itself to do so, i do feel like i'm experiencing something interesting and important in this weird zone i find myself in)

#yamswers #anonymous #dysphoria discussion #q slur — only because i literally use it in the noun form most associated w/ dehumanization #i love that u asked this on a tuesday. thank u for asking this on a tuesday #happy testosterone tuesday to all who celebrate #i also got top surgery a while ago—which is responsible for about 50% of my average suicidal idealizations vanishing #because my chest was my second biggest site of dysphoria after my voice #it was far less painful than i dared imagine. and far more satisfying. i had an excellent and lucky recovery #my results aren't perfect but oh man. the joy of being able to press my hand (flat) to my chest (flat).#the way that a binder mimics the exact squeeze around my lungs that a panic attack stimulates—#not feeling that when i'm out in public? thank you modern medicine. thank you. oh my god. no more false flag panic attacks #i had to fight my insurance for two years and all the health providers i contacted told me the hoops i was being made to jump through #seemed utterly ridiculous. and it was still gobs of money but i got it. so grateful u cannot even imagine #a lot of people describe their feelings post op as “relief—finally i could see myself”#but i experience...more delight than relief. joy. is joy the absence of pain or the presence of happiness? can i tell the difference?#on my worst days i can lay a hand on my heart. and i can lay a hand on my heart. and i can lay a hand on my heart. and i can lay a hand on

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nwarrior777 · 1 year ago

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life update

tw: vent, sad, life crisis, identity crisis

advice ONLY if you have something really similar. hugs and specific commentary of support (like "giving you some cookies!!! or giving you yellow blanket!!) are encouraged

well i definitely didn't expect to get exsistential crisis by now

i mean i always thought that i know who i am i know what i want but like...

i had conversation with grandma, we talked about why are my bags so big, and i was like, it's just me, i don't have home, i don't have place or furniture. i only have my clothes and fancy little things and art. i only have me, and it's all it that very heavy 2 bags. and i said, but isn't it sad that everything i have at 26 is only 2 bags. i lam just 2 bags.

and she was like, but don't you have you like. in your head?

and. i started thinking about it. and now i an spiraling because i thought i got this question long time ago.

i mean. i have life goal. but it's life goal. it's not the answer to the question "who are you?". my life goal is to try to bring people around love and good and kindness. to try to be good human.

and. it's always "try" so i even can't say that i am a good human. actually i figured out that i am kinda suck on that... i am good with giving kind to strangers but. i think i am not the best person to be close with? i don't know... i am a bad person? again? did i fucked up again? eh.... i thought i was... i don't know. good at least at trying. i don't want to be in that years again... and in that feelings.... but i think i need to dive into that. because that is trying to be good person is about - you should work on yourself. but this is so fckin painfull

also i am artist. well yes but... everyone is an artist? we all have blogs and etc..... we express our visions and takes and opinions. i guess its art

and i am tired of it too... i feel like i am streaming 24/7 like, i am a Content Maker. everything i do is like....... its art art art content content content. i cant live for myself

and then i am trying to its not working. because if i will not make a photo, if i will not make a meme a post or a drawing i wil forget it. because i have bad memory. i cant hold anything in it

and i am obsessed with idea of saving my legacy. my art my. existent. i want it not to be just. dissapered. its kinda done - nobody will take away emotions which i gave you and emotions which you gave me with your feedback. they will not take expirience. and some of my art is already in safe place. see, i am too much on it

i worked so hard to make that "queer bitch gothhhicccc queen cool queer artist and a kind human" """ brand""""

but like. am i like. am i this? what makes a person a person. i don't feel. like a person

i don't feel like a human. i feel like some. poetic. image

and, please not laught, i am serious its not a fucking meme but. i feel so much like Izzy from ofmd now?... and... always feel????

my costume-gothic-bitch era started after seeing him. i opened in me new gender. that my horns - thanks to him, i bought them on festival where i went to in izzy cosplay. and that poetic symbol of a man. a guy with Moral Duty Standarts from some. ballad song. A rock

and how??? how is this. how they posted this season RIGHT in the time. then i cracked. and he too

what to do then you thought you had solid as a rock personality. but it was something different. what is it means to be a human. tell me, izzy

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thirst2 · 5 months ago

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I can't say that I would've always noticed it but there's this shitstain of a mag. called Queer Majority I keep (unfortunately) bumping into that's clearly an attempt to siphon off more moderate Queer people towards more orthodox conservative ideas but covertly with the guise/trappings of Queerness.

It describes itself itself as covering "issues related to the gay community with a classically liberal perspective" and perhaps the editors are sincere in that (though I do think the option of writing for an American audience and opting to use the phrase "classically liberal" is absolutely an attempt to pull one over) and it's not an overt psyop. But it's a lot of introducing "LGB without the T" crap (framed as "just asking questions!" and like, "Gee wiz, I dunno…; those other members are just so, gosh, extreme;" 🙄) and clear appeals to capital sympathy but trying to frame it as a concern actually always present in Queer culture, from the earliest of day. Like, imagine arguing for classical gender roles on the basis that a lot of gay artists throughout history draw "classically" masculine men and it's an indication of the way Christian-influenced gender roles are, actually, beneficial (and natural!) for us, too; that kind of propaganda. In one of the latest issues, the editor-in-chief argues for "the importance of the gay community in having a positive relationship with police".

Just; utter drivel.

And it worries me, with the general dissatisfaction people have been having around the world that's been building to a head over the last decade, and the general isolation a lot of Queer people still have to a sense of stable community.

But that's a very extended conversation and not what I was recently struck by.

It's mentioned that the editor-in-chief is also assistant director at The Bi Foundation and lead organizer of amBi, a bi social group; I was curious and clicked through to both.

And Queer Majority already had this aesthetic but they both also just as…vapid.

Just, like, empty. I mean, The Bi Foundation's website has an advice column which can always be really helpful both for the marginalized writing in and because hearing our real stories and difficulties are the easier ways to humanize us but most of it is retrofitting bi-ness into pop culture media and "famous bis" which often are based on uncertain historical verasity.

Like, maybe that worked 2 decades ago when we needed to ease the rest of the society in but (perhaps in light of the Queer Majority project and its aims) it's like eating junkfood.

There's so much Queer history and activism you could talk about but I think having to veer that clearly outside of blessed normativity would cause a crisis of identity for it.

And it's all so slick and conventional in its site's graphic design; which isn't inherently bad: The Advocate looks like your usual news site/mag. But it actually covers Queer issues and points out when transphobia happens.

And amBI is even more of that: a slick, professional looking website (à la MeetUp) with pop culture references all over the place and not really offerring much more than "Bi people are in this location". Like a book club oriented around everyone having the same tastes in books.

Just…the bar is so low and you, somehow, managed to offer something even less substantial/nourishing.

I get the impression that the creator isn't much interested in his sexuality beyond its label and has only come to terms with it because, well, you can't change your sexuality. So all the other characteristics about himself take so much more importance, for him.

Perhaps that's less charitable than I ought to be for someone I hardly know but he's also trying to astroturf conservatism into my community so color me unconvinced.

#About Me #About Me Retrospective #Queer #Trans*#Bisexual #Politics #Conservatism #Queer Majority

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mapleleafsunset · 1 year ago

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warrior cats lgbt headcanons

I'm bored so here's my lgbt headcanons of every warrior cats protagonist!! also some other cats who i think are important in the first arc bc of how few protags we get

Prophecies Begin

Firestar : pansexual, he/they, cis Greystripe : bisexual (strong female pref), he/him, cis Ravenpaw : Gay, he/him but tries out bug/bugs, unlabelled gender

New Prophecy

Squirrelflight : queer, she/he, might be a trans man if she thought about it long enough Brambleclaw : the only one that i think is cishet. uncertain whether he is cishetallo or not though, he might be asexual spectrum Tawnypelt : t4t queer, she/it, intersex and transfem Feathertail : asexual lithoromantic lesbian, she/ae/bright, girlflux Stormfur : unlabelled, any pronouns (he/him pref), cis man Crowfeather : Trixic, they/them, nonbinary Leafpool : Bisexual, she/her, cis Power of Three

Lionblaze : cishetallo Hollyleaf : asexual greyromantic lesbian, she/they, demi-girl Jayfeather : oriented aroace gay, star/they/he, doesn't care to think about his gender but uses moonguardian, moonboy and starryghostic.

Omen of the Stars

Dovewing : Omnisexual (male pref) and probably aroace spectrum but she is scared of acknowledging that, she/her, cis Ivypool : Sapphic demiromantic, she/it/claw, nonbinary girl Flametail (he counts <3) : Aroace, he/him, trans man Vision of Shadows

Alderheart : Pansexual, he/him, cis Needletail : Heterosexual? aromantic, she/her, transmasc nonbinary girl Twigbranch : Asexual unlabelled, they/she, gender questioning Violetshine : Lesbian, she/ze, trans girl

The Broken Code Shadowsight : Asexual nebularomantic gay, he/it/they/xe, agender Rootspring : Asexual heteroromantic, he/him, unlabelled Bristlefrost : Bisexual (no pref), any pronouns, intersex A Starless Clan Nightheart : Lesbian, she/her, trans girl Sunbeam : Lesbian, he/they, butch (only comes out after leaving ShadowClan) Frostpaw : Lesbian with the worst case of comphet you've ever seen (do you notice a theme with this arc.), they/she but probably only keeping the she/her to make others happy, genderqueer

Dawn of the Clans Grey Wing : Asexual aromantic, he/they, cis Clear Sky : Heterosexual, he/him, trans man but he's probably the sort of trans man who tells other trans people that they aren't valid because they present differently Thunder : I wish I cared about thunder enough to have thoughts on him but he is the beigest character i have ever read about maybe only second to lionblaze i dont care about him his girlfriend fucked his dad why did she do that he creates the most boring clan ever and does literally nothing grey wing and clear sky are so interesting then you have to read a whole book about this man and i actually can't remember anything except from his girlfriend who deserves so much better than him why is he here he's so boring River Ripple (he's a protag to me) : Aromantic asexual, any pronouns, either genderfluid or agender

Other random characters i want to share my headcanons for because I feel particularly strongly about them

Rowanstar : Queer, he/him, trans man (obviously) Puddleshine : Demisexual homoromantic, xe/xem but they/them is okay, nonbinary Tall Shadow : Lesbian, he/she, views lesbian as her gender identity in a lot of ways Mousefur : Aromantic asexual, she/her, dont know about her gender Runningwind : Aromantic asexual, they/he, demiboy Redtail : Gay, he/him, trans man Sol : Queer, any pronouns, trans masc pangender Fallen Leaves : Sapphic, he/him, demigender Sleekwhisker : Lesbian, she/her, trans and she won't clarify in what way Mothwing : Lesbian, she/her, trans woman Cinderheart : Bisexual, she/they, girl to the left Cinderpelt : Bisexual, they/she, girl to the right Snowfur : Gay, he/him, trans man. PLEASE someone appreciate trans man snowfur he's so important to me Blackstar : Gay (bear), he/him, cis Fernsong : Going through every single gender and sexuality crisis everyday. Ended up settling on abrosexual, pronoun fluid and genderfluid but even then that might not stick. Ivypool somehow always knows what pronouns to use even if Fernsong hasn't told her yet Tallstar : Gay, he/wind, cis Jake : Pansexual, he/him and SO many neopronouns, cis Barley : Gay, he/him, trans man Darkstripe : the most toxic gay man you have ever met Hawkfrost : the second most toxic gay man you have ever met

this is SO many oh my god. i was planning to do a short list and now there's so many anyway i could go on for longer

#warrior cats #warrior cats headcanons #lgbt warrior cats #a starless clan #power of three #omen of the stars #new prophecy #the broken code #vision of shadows #dawn of the clans

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bluedalliances · 2 years ago

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Heyyyyyyy, could u rec some nb/queer steddie?

Hell yes! Here are some of my favorite wibbly wobbly gendery wimey fics bc I need someone who will yell with me about them. Also, I'll leave the @ of the people who wrote them (at least the ones I could find), so you can follow them.

she likes the boys in the band (i'm her all time favorite) by @formosusiniquis

Oh, boi this fic. I spent a whole night reading because it was just that good. I regret nothing.

So, Steve and Robin go to see Corroded Coffin at the hideout and somehow fall for Eddie and Chrissy. Oh, also, Steve and Robin can read each other's minds. Ft. she/her/he/him Robin and Steve, HOH Steve, flirty Chrissy, Eddie dedicating songs to Steve and making DnD NPCs based on him, and Chrissy as Steve's cousin. Just, so so so lovely.

50k | Rated T

Also by them, since I couldn't choose between two fics I adore:

if you like this you might also like: me

This is a one shot where Steve works in a library and starts exchanging notes with Eddie, who leaves comments on Steve's recommendations. Not only is soft and amazingly written, but the books they reference are amazing at making the narrative move, I even added the ones I didn't know to my TBR. Gender is not heavily discussed or central here, but that's something I personally enjoy so, yeah. 9k | Rated T

Just like Holy Mary by @hellabifurious

A slice-of-life-ish, established relationship, found family fic where Steve explores gender and everything he was taught about being a man. Ft. Nail polish, makeovers, girl's nights, gender discussions, Steve being very, very loved.

28k | Rated T

took you for a working boy by pukner

Where Eddie tells Steve he's gay and, for some reason, that breaks Steve's heart. Ft. The end of the world, radio host Eddie, mutual crush, gender crisis, nb Stevie, just lots of wonderful stuff.

43k | Rated M

I've seen lots of recs for this one and it's really wonderful, another great fic from the same writer ft genderqueer Steve is: off the beaten path (ongoing series)

the queer kids of hawkins series by @locallmann

I've seen people talking about the first book in this series, L is for linoleum (and nothing else), but not so much for the second one, lady stardust, and it's amazing.

On how the older queer kids in Hawkins find each other, their identities, and love. Ft. Trans Eddie, NB Stevie, side ronance, queer solidarity, mom friend Steve, rocky horror as bonding, it has everything. Also, wonderfully tagged, everything you need to know is right there.

36k + 6k | Rated M and T

sit on my lap (tell me what you want) by kaleinope

Where Steve invites Eddie to spend Christmas on a cabin, and he realizes maybe his crush is not really unrequited. Ft. side Buckingham, game night, stolen sweaters, sweet and not angsty misunderstanding.

11k | Rated E | Do not have unprotected sex, children

Espresso Never Tasted so Sweet (Until I Stole it from Your Lips) by SerpentSunrise

Modern au where Steve is a barista and has a crush on one of the regulars. Here, again, gender is not a central theme. Ft. Steve being a little scared of putting himself out, tease Eddie, and lovely references to Icarus. So so good.

The author also has an ongoing work with trans Eddie, where Steve is touch starved. Check it out!

4k | Rated T

take it easy on me by the wonderful @tak-cajaz

Au where Steve is a kindergarten teacher and has a crush on Max's dad. It's a shame he's married. (No, he's not, don't worry). Ft. Supportive Robin, flirty Eddie, absolute sunshine Chrissy and cute kids. Also, misunderstandings, mutual pinning, overthinking and soft encounters.

Honestly, I'd rec everything by Kat, their writing is amazing and heartwarming, I always love every word on her fics. Check their work <3

8k | Rated T

My Favorite Form of Loving by indelicate

This is the first work in their Steddie dads series. It's Steve and Eddie's kid first day at preschool and they support each other through the anxiety of letting her go, it's really, really sweet. Ft. Trans Eddie, accepting enough community, soft dads steddie, dio references and a strong girl.

3k | Rated T

I hope you enjoy these, if you want more just let me know <3

#steddie #fic rec #go read the fic #ao3 link #gender fuckery #trans steve harrington #trans eddie munson #non binary steve harrington #stranger things fic

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weirdcat1213 · 2 years ago

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Conventional weapons and queer acceptance

I'm going through it rn so here's a really long post on a queer interpretation of Conventional Weapons.

Notes:

-Yes, I will talk about every song. No song is safe from me.

-No, I don't think it is the only/correct interpretation but its one that I've been thinking about for ages so leave me alone :D

-I know these songs were recorded separately and they don't have a linear story (like revenge or tbp) but for the sake of angst, I will treat the whole album as a queer journey where the speaker is the main character, also I will use they/them for them because the album itself talks a lot about gender.

-"Some of these are more about the system and protests rather than queerness" guess what? those go hand in hand even though it's 2023, life sucks.

-I will use "queer" instead of LGBTQ+. That debate does not belong here but I'm just giving a heads up.

TW: homophobia, transphobia, conversion therapy, unhealthy coping mechanisms (?), aids crisis, society just being shitty in general

Let's start :3

Album context: CW is not a concept album (sadly). The band had ideas for these songs since their TBP tour and didn't think it was fit for Danger Days so they only released them because Frank thought they were cool (bless his soul he was so right). Therefore, these songs' messages/perspectives/feelings may vary.

Boy Division:

*The first two songs have a handgun on the cover. This weapon is a small and distant weapon, portraying the distance the speaker wants to have with queerness since they're still in the closet*

From a queer perspective, this song is about the speaker's closeted life as a queer person. The song asks people close to him how would they react if they were to find out about they are queer. The speaker already knows the answer, people would be disgusted and reject them entirely, making the speaker mad. It can be assumed the speaker is at their last straw here and leave their home behind to live their truth.

"If all my enemies

Threw a party, would you light the candles?

Would you drink the wine while watchin' television?

Watch the animals and all the tragedies

And sell your arteries to buy my casket gown"

Enemies in this context are homophobic/transphobic people. If the speaker admitted to being queer, would their loved ones pretend the speaker is "dead"? Would they side with the homophobic/transphobic people?

"Well, it better be black and it better be tight

And it better be just my size

I'm stalkin' these metro malls and airport halls

And all these schoolgirls"

This may be a reference to the kind of stereotypes the speaker's loved ones believe about queer people. About how they stalk people in public and "try to convert minors"

"I'm not askin', you're not tellin'

He's not dead, he only looks that way"

The speaker not asking anymore if the people they know support queer people/if they would support them. The part about "him" not being dead could be how their relatives see the situation from the outside. The speaker is apathetic because of their situation but no one knows.

"Out nowhere, take me out there

Far away and save me from my

Self-destruction, hopeless for you

Sing a song for California"

They're in the middle of nowhere, and they wish to be in a more accepted place, putting California as an example (is this true? idk I don't live there)

"I bought my enemies

Rope to hang me and the knives to gang me

You can watch them stab me on your television

Stomp the halls, because the bathroom walls

Would have a lot to say

About the lines you're puttin' down"

This is the speaker's way to say he is one of the queers their loved ones hate so much. The speaker "bought" the rope by admitting their queerness and they might as well be the ones on the TV getting ganged up on because of their identity. When they mention the bathroom it could be a reference to how there are worst things happening that transphobic gatekeeping bathrooms, such as people doing drugs.

"Well, it better be white and better be cut

And better be just my size

Until my capillaries burst of boredom

I'll be waitin"

Instead of funeral attire, now they want to use wedding attire because they feel alive by coming out, hence the white. If we assume they were rejected by their loved ones, the speaker will wait for them to come around until they get bored. The speaker's capillaries are a symbol of their patience.

"I'm not laughin', you're not jokin'

I'm not dead, I only dress that way"

The speaker dresses as if they're dead not only because they could be at any time due to harassment but also because they feel dead being in a place they can't be themselves. It could also be a reference to gender expression and the speaker experimenting for the first time.

"'Cause we got the bomb, we got the bomb, let's go!

We got the bomb, we got the bomb, let's go!"

This could mean queer people (we) are fighting back society (the bomb) and the speaker feels inspired.

"Say a prayer for California"

A prayer for California so it can stay as a place the speaker can run to and be free.

Tomorrows Money:

This one is about the speaker's views about capitalism and taking a stand as an activist against corporations and rainbow capitalism. The speaker knows queer people aren't welcome and yet they're still used for profit, however, we could say the song's pov is from the speaker and the corporations. The song also makes an argument about how capitalism actively makes queer people's lives even more difficult.

"You fell in love with a vampire

Do you wanna get it for free

In this song, vampires are associated with queer people and their experiences (just like many movies about vampires and other monsters have done in history). Getting one for free would be to get to live the experience of a queer person instead of seeing it externally (in a movie, show, book, etc)

"Then say hello to the brush fire, baby

You gotta take it from me, I’m gonna take it from you

Say hello to the good times

And burning up in the sun"

According to corporations, the speaker can live out as a queer person, but they will have to face conflict against capitalism, a model that is mostly known for taking things away from people.

They’re sitting back on an empire

While the world lays back, puts a kid behind that gun

This is the speaker's view about capitalism and the world. Corporations and their owners are living comfortably while they leave the most vulnerable minorities to deal with the dirty work.

"If we crash this time

They got machines to keep us alive

When the mixtape plays

Choke down the words with no meaning"

This refers to how queer people can't seem to escape capitalism. If they get hurt while protesting or get sick, they will still need to get (most of the time in most places at least) private health insurance to get good medical attention. When talking about the mixtape, it can also be referring to the multiple products corporations do for queer people (see the "pride merch" on june). But when you analyze the final products, it is clear that it lacks meaning and it was only made for profit.

"I stopped bleeding three years ago

While you keep screaming for revolution

Me and my surgeons and my street-walking friends

We got no heroes, 'cause our heroes are dead"

Here the speaker is personally calling out corporations for their meaningless support. While they and other people have been protesting and taking care of themselves within their community, corporations keep shouting out their outdated "love is love" slogan and keep repeating their empty promises about equality. The speaker, the "surgeons" (people who focus and live to take care of the queer community as volunteers/nonprofit organizations), and more activists keep protesting for a better future but also for the people who came before them and died for the cause (for example multiple people during the aids crisis)

"Say hello to the program

We’re gonna give it for free

Hook up the veins to the antibodies

Got it with the disease, we’re gonna give it to you"

This verse could be considered queer representation in media and how it helps queer people even if it ends up being queerbating. Corporations give queer people the content and even if there are no official queer people in it, subtext and further readings into the media help people to see themselves in the story and/or characters, they work as antibodies against society.

"Say goodbye to the good times

You’re loaded up with the fame

You’re dressing up like a virus

But the words get lost when we all look the same"

The most popular and famous logo (and stand) corporations take in pride month is the rainbow. They don't specify anything and just keep it open to appeal to most people as possible. Although queer people have taken the rainbow as a general symbol for everyone when corporations use it is because there is no interest in other people who aren't the "classic" cisgender white gay male, there's no meaning on their rainbow. All the rainbow logos in June end up looking like a virus taking over for a month rather than support.

"You fell in love with a vampire, torch up for the empire

Say hello to the brush fire, the microphone's got a tap wire

You fell in love with a vampire, torch up for the empire

Say hello to the brush fire, the microphone's got a tap wire!"

In this verse, the speaker is possibly talking to a multitude. They make a reference to the vampire analogy but also says that if they want to live free queer people need to get rid of the corporations. No matter how many problems they face they have to be careful since they're still under capitalism and being watched.

"Because rebellion's not a T-shirt you sell

You keep your money, and I’ll see you in hell"

Many queer people have that reaction when companies don't support queer people's rights but sell queer products on pride month. The speaker rejects rainbow capitalism and will see the company in hell since, according to religious fanatics, that's where queer people are going.

*I find this topic (capitalism vs the queers) really interesting but I honestly don't know much about it but this is a cool video I recommend: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xQVFYWvd3o&t=1449s)

Ambulance:

*The second disc has a picture of a small knife, a weapon of short range that requires the user to get really closer to the opponent. This represents the speaker's change from their involvement with the queer community; they went from keeping their distance to putting themselves out there as an activist*

Ambulance, under a queer context, is about the queer community and the love the speaker has for them since they have helped after they cut ties with their family in "Boy Division."

You don’t know a thing about this life, and we are up for

Everything it takes to prove we’re not the same as them

The speaker could be talking to someone new when it comes to activism. They want to motivate the new recruit but also be honest about what is like to constantly be on the line. The queer community will never be like the people who can easily thrive in a heteronormative society because the queer community looks out for every minority (let's ignore dumb organizations like lgb for this, they suck)

"And we will wear our masks again, out after dark

'Cause we are up for everything it takes

and we are not the same

'Cause we are not afraid

And we are not ashamed"

This part is about how they protect themselves while defending themselves and how they are not ashamed of fighting for what's right publicly.

"And if you save my life, I’ll be the one who drives

You home tonight

And if I ever let you down, I’ll be the one who drives

You home tonight"

One of the things that the speaker appreciates most about the queer community is how they take care of each other. If one of them gets hurt, they will help each other. No matter what happens everyone looks out for everyone.

"Remember once, you walked this kind of life quietly, I’ll sleep

Behind the wheel, and passing every face you see the first time

Singing every piece as you walk by proving that with

All of my mistakes, that we are not the same"

The speaker is comparing themselves to other people in their group who have been in their position but also have had a completely different experience. Other people may have cope in healthier ways than the speaker, which makes them feel kind of guilty.

"'Cause we are not the same

And we are all to blame"

When it comes to protesting or activism is it always is the activists' fault if something bad happens. According to conservatives if anything goes south (police brutality, hate crimes, etc) is the queer people's fault for not being closeted, for "indoctrinating people".

"'Cause you don’t know a thing about me

, you don’t know a thing"

This is from the speaker to the people who have helped them in their life. They don't know who they were before but the community still took them in as family.

Gun:

Honestly, there's not much that this brilliant thread hasn't already said. La (the twitter user) suggests that "the song's main theme is obviously a young person entering the military, which is known for having a strict structure and very precise rules to follow and roles to fill. in this case, I believe the military could represent the cis, heteronormative society"

See the rest of the thread here :D

https://twitter.com/zhongmcr/status/1560384799101124614?t=emxookpnkny0c5iYV4fmdw&s=19

Please read it and send @/zhongmcr some love for it.

The World is Ugly:

*The machine guns reflect more intensity as an attack. The speaker is going deeper in being vocal about the queer community on this disc.*

The world is ugly is, of course, a romantic song. When analyzing it through queer lenses, however, it can be about the speaker getting strong feelings for someone but still being afraid of confessing their feelings, even if the other person is also queer, because are traumatized by past experiences while in the closet.

"These are the eyes and the lies of the taken These are their hearts But their hearts don't beat like ours They burn 'cause they are all afraid"

The speaker usually gets that feeling of "them against the world", but it is different with the person they are interested in. The speaker feels they have a connection and they are together while being against the world.

"For every one of us There's an army of them But you'll never fight alone 'Cause I wanted you to know"

Conservative people are "afraid" of queer people and it has made their lives difficult but when they're together it doesn't matter.

"That the world is ugly But you’re beautiful to me Well are you thinking of me now?"

The heteronormative society is a pain for the speaker and the love interest but the speaker wants to make clear that their love interest is beautiful no matter what society says.

"These are the nights And the lights that we fade in These are the words But the words aren't coming out

They burn 'cause they are hard to say"

This part is more personal for the speaker. They reminisce on all the nights they have spent with their love interest and how on those they have tried to tell how they feel, but the speaker cannot say it out loud.

"For every failing sun, there's a morning after Though, I'm empty when you go I just wanted you to know"

The speaker comforts themselves with the fact that they can try the next day, but at the same time, they keep living with the pain of their love interest not knowing.

"That the world is ugly But you're beautiful to me Are you thinking of me Like I'm thinking of you?"

The speaker wonders if their love interest thinks about them the same way or if they have another kind of relationship.

"I would say I'm sorry, though Though, I really need to go I just wanted you to know

I wanted you to know I wanted you to know I'm thinking of you Every night, every day"

In this verse, the speaker implies they usually focus on activism and things that will help their community rather than their own feelings. They have to go and keep helping others but still wants to let their feelings come across.

"These are the lies And the lives of the taken These are their hearts But their hearts don't beat like ours They burn 'cause they are all afraid But mine beats twice as hard"

Because the speaker is really focused on others but also wants to be with their love interest, they are passionate about 2 things.

"Stop your crying, helpless feeling Dry your eyes and start believing There's one thing They’ll never take from you"

The speaker goes back to their "mentor mode" and inspires their love interest to believe in a better future. However, they also reference how the world can never take their love interest's beauty away.

"One day, like this We'll never be the same Never, forever Like ghosts in the snow Like ghosts in the sun"

This is the speaker dreaming of what their life could be only with their love interest. They would just be people exploring the world.

The Light Behind Your Eyes:

This song is about a guide saying goodbye to people or a person whom they have helped in the past. Under a queer interpretation, it could be from the point of view of an elder queer passing away who was really important to the speaker.

"So long to all my friends Every one of them met tragic ends With every passing day I'd be lying if I didn't say That I miss them all tonight"

The elder queer is possibly passing away and is thinking about the friends they got to make within the community. By saying their friends met tragic ends it could refer to the aids crisis or hate crimes.

"And if they only knew what I would say If I could be with you tonight I would sing you to sleep Never let them take the light behind your eyes"

Just like the elder queer, their friends used to help people in the community, and they would approve the last reassuring words of the elder. The elder wishes they would be alive and well to see a better future but for now, they can only hope people stop harming queer people.

"As we fade in the dark Just remember you will always burn as bright"

The older queer people may have passed away but they want the younger generations to have a good life.

"Be strong and hold my hand Time, it comes for us, you'll understand We'll say goodbye today And I'm sorry how it ends this way If you promise not to cry Then I'll tell you just what I would say"

This shows the elder was really appreciated in the community since they have people with them in their final moments. They wish they would not be leaving that way (probable aids) but they still think younger generations need to learn about the problem and be strong enough to face it.

"I'll fail and lose this fight"

The elder already knows their own fate.

"Sometimes we must grow stronger And you can't be stronger when I'm gone When I'm here, no longer You must be stronger and"

The elder knows it will be hard for future generations who still feel like they need guidance to survive, but they hope the people they leave behind get stronger.

"I failed and lost this fight"

The elder queer couldn't avoid their future, as if from the beginning, it was meant to happen.

When the outro keeps repeating it could reflect how those are actually the last words (or at least sentiment) of the elder, and it will stay present in the community for a long time.

Kiss the Ring:

*This disc has two axes on the cover. Additionally, from here on out there are 2 weapons on the covers, which means the speaker is not alone anymore, but with someone who shares their "them against the world" feeling.*

Kiss the Ring is another song about the speaker's feelings against the system. However, this one and the next song in the disc have more rage on them. The speaker starts to lash out at authority and politicians who keep failing queer people.

"We kill the girls to get paid And put the whole damn room on the edge of the blade You'll get far, stay clean"

The speaker is mocking society's standards for people. They set dangerous beauty stereotypes only to get women to buy their products, reject measures that could help queer people (hormone treatment, counseling, etc) even if they know people could die because of the lack of it, and attribute failure to substances such as alcohol and drugs. Some queer people will turn to those substances because of the lack of support because society keeps making it hard to live, but big institutions don't care.

"And if the world stops believing, I'll keep believing

That the world could make a change (All I know is I won't stop believing) And put the suicide dolls as the last ones to mate (All I know is I won't stop believing)"

Although the speaker still has faith in a better future, they are angry about society putting queer people in a complicated position. Queer people create their own communities because they are pushed by the people who refuse to let them live. They insult and make everything more complicated up to the point of giving queer people trauma and mental health issues. The queer people affected by this are the only ones left to help themselves and others. Queer people are left at the back where they find each other.

"Come hard, stay clean (You're the next if you don't stop your creeping) And singing songs for the damned now (You're the next if you)"

The line on the back "You're the next if you don't stop your creeping" could be the authority's opinion about queer people: you will get in trouble if you are out/"explicit". Additionally, the songs for the damned could be a metaphor for people who think praying/conversion therapy will work as a "cure" for queerness.

"Hail! Hail! 'Cause the king is gone And if you don't stop believing, we'll keep believing"

This part could mean how conservatives celebrate when something bad happens to a politician or anyone famous who is in favor of queer rights. They tend to believe that there is a leader (like the people who believe there is an ANTIFA leader), but queer people will keep protesting and believing in a better life for everyone.

"You put the record on And live the life that you're making, shots that you're taking"

"So grab the cash and run And let the suits watch each other kill one another"

This is the speaker starts to get reckless. For them, it has become a matter of taking back at society. They want to live their life the best as they can, so they let themselves enjoy music, drink, and commit crimes since they will end up in trouble anyway for being queer. They steal money because they need it but also to get a sense of power over their life. The "suits" in this case would be politicians, the ones who say they want to help queer people against the ones who want them dead. Even if someone is fighting the good fight the speaker doesn't care for them anymore.

It doesn't matter if the words don't mean a thing You gotta kiss that ring"

The words could be the empty promises some politicians do to queer people. Many of them beg them to vote to protect their rights only to back off when it really matters. Kissing the ring means the absurdity of respecting people, authority figures, and institutions (the government) who don't want to be held accountable for queer people's rights.

"Move like the wolves, keep the faith There ain't a dry eye left in the back of the place Is it hard to stay clean?"

The speaker warns their community about the government since politicians don't have empathy for them (dry eyes)

"And if you all keep believing, I'll keep believing That the world drives the saints (All I know is I won't stop believing) And put the shotgun shells in the hills it makes (All I know is I won't stop believing)"

In this verse, the speaker mocks how authority loves to praise "pacific protests" but will still kill them. Most of the time when queer people organize a pacific gathering, they are met with violent repression.

"So come hard, stay clean (You're the next if you don't stop your creeping) Because they don't give a damn, now (You're the next if you)"

The speaker believes after so many failures that no politician cares for queer people.

"You got your leather on And live the life that you're making, shots that you're taking"

This could be referring to what kind of clothing queer people "tend" to wear. The idea is to just wear whatever you want and live your life.

"Hail, hail 'cause the king is gone Hail, hail 'cause the king is gone Hail, hail 'cause the king is gone Hail, hail 'cause the king is, the king is gone

Hail! Hail! Hail! Hail! Hail!"

Queer people celebrate a supposed leader that never existed because it is not about leaders, but the community.

"Fist up, head down Hail, hail to the king"

In this verse since the king is not "gone" it could mean the community is celebrating itself. They will keep fighting even if there's the risk of something bad happening, which is why they put their head down as a sign of being prepared for the worst.

Make Room:

Make Room is mainly the speaker setting the people who do not accept queer people or pretend to be allies as zombies. Queer people are most of the time used for gossip, instead of being treated as real people. The people who only care about gossip and getting to know who came out just to be disrespectful about it are people who do not have reasoning skills, making them zombies.

"Make room! Make room! Down on the coffin, there's a coffin or two Dead chic, so cool The cannibals are starving when they're looking at you"

This verse is about how dead queer people are seen just as numbers. The cisgender straight people's main concern most of the time is the funeral (what will people say, how to present the dead queer person etc), reflected on the line about the coffins. The dead girl represents dead queer people who attracted attention, making the zombies (society) wild to get the news and learn about everything that went wrong. They just want the gossip.

"Tank tops, jet stream Karate lessons with a killing machine White lines, nose bleeds I know you get excited when the cameras go Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta"

The speaker refers here to the kind of people who talk and treat queer people as means for gossip. They can be relaxed in their summer clothes with their private jets and do questionable things (drugs as mentioned with "white lines"), people with privilege. They get excited when a famous person reveals themselves to be queer and are able to get every single detail, however, they don't know (or don't care) that the spotlight can be stressful and harmful for famous queer people who come out. This is reflected by the "ratatata" the cameras make.

"Me and you, and all of this living dead Burning up in the sun, where the bodies add Sitting here with you, in misery Anybody gonna come and rescue me? La la la"

Here the speaker is talking with another queer person about how stressful people can be. They have to endure their questions and actions but even if they are miserable, they are together. The speaker's petition for someone to rescue them is mocking how some people "became" queer because the community pressured them into being queer.

"Make room! Make room! One day, you're gonna have explaining to do

Drag star, so cool There's only room for one man and the one is you, you, you"

This verse is just multiple wrong arguments that people make about queer people. A popular argument that homophobic/transphobic people use against queer people is how are they "going to explain" their identity or sexuality to others such as kids, elders, etc. Those kinds of people also have problems with drag artists. They may say they are letting drag artists live their lives, but they pressure them and their gender expression, reminding drag artists they are men and have to act like it. This argument is not only wrong because not all drag queens identify as men, but also does not consider drag kings.

"Got a taste for the cash and androgyny Anybody wanna come and rescue me?"

Androgyny is considered the combination of man and woman. This combination seems fashionable for multiple people and companies have decided to adopt it for profit. If it looks pretty it will sell. Multiple companies will present an androgynous person/model and show it off as their "queer representation".

"Well alright, well alright She's alright Everybody in the room is alright"

This could be a reference to the dead girl first mentioned in the song. Most people just want to pretend nothing bad is happening and that queer people are okay if comparing these times to years ago.

"Everybody wants to change the world Everybody wants to change the world But no one, no one wants to die!"

"We are never gonna change the world We are never gonna change the world 'Cause we are never gonna die!"

I see this as what the speaker thinks about activism after being vocal about queer issues during the whole album. They know protesting and being an activist is important for the queer community, and if they want society to change there will be sacrifices that no one wants to do. However, they also want to be happy and have a life of their own with the person they like. Maybe the change will be delayed and they will keep fighting for it, but not to the point of putting their happiness on the line anymore.

Surrender the Night:

*These last two songs have grenades on the cover because these ones are the tipping point for the speaker. They are done hiding their emotions and will explode at any second. It's a more aggressive weapon than the rest. The songs still talk about how society sucks for queer people, but the main focus for the speaker is the person they like and showing their feelings.*

Surrender the Night is a continuation (kind of) of The World is Ugly. If on The World is Ugly the speaker was afraid of confessing their feelings, on Surrender the Night they decide to be selfish and take control of the situation, take control of what makes them happy for once.

Everyone's a passenger, tonight Just another accidental on the freeway of this life

This night is important for the speaker, anything else doesn't matter.

We'll drive on and on and on and on We'll drive on and on And I'll remember this night when you're gone

The speaker and the love interest will leave everything behind, and the speaker wants their love interest to remember that night forever.

You surrender your heart I surrender every dream

Every weapon you've got Every secret that I keep

This is a deal the speaker proposes as a way to confess their feelings. If their love interest accepts being with them, nothing else will matter to the speaker. They will protect the love interest and will be completely honest with them.

You can fight this, all you want But tonight belongs to...

The love interest can fairly reject the speaker, but just for that one night, they will have to listen to what the speaker has to say.

Just another surgery, tonight Well, if you amputate the loneliness Anesthesia dims the lights

This is the speaker's opinion about their love interest. They are a complicated person who ignores their own problems by distracting themselves as if they wanted to disassociate from life and the pain. The speaker tells them they can do that, they can ignore their problems but by rejecting their emotions, they will also miss the good moments.

So dream on and on and on and on So dream on and on And I'll remember your eyes when you're gone

In this verse, the speaker encourages their love interest to follow their dreams instead of disassociating from life, and even if they don't end up together the speaker will remember them.

And I'll watch you in your sleep 'Cause tonight belongs to me You can fight this, all you want But tonight belongs to

The speaker will watch the other person sleep as a way to protect them and make sure they don't run away.

Sparks against the railing Distant phantoms wailing Through the windshield, sailing With these airbags failing

Here, the speaker is honest about how their lives will be if they're together. There will be chaos, people will talk, and they won't be able to control some situations.

But tonight belongs to me But tonight belongs to me But tonight belongs to me

The speaker reassures this to their love interest, expecting an answer.

Burn Bright:

And finally, we get to talk about my baby, the creme of the gays. This song in general is about finally accepting who you are, living as you want, and loving whoever you want; even if you know people are against it. If following the story from the previous song, this song is where they get together with their love interest and start a relationship. The speaker knows it won't be easy but they don't care.

So give me all you've got

I can take it

We walked alone in your city lights

Did you make it?

We lit the fire and it's burning bright

Did you take it?

Kissed all the boys in your city lights

Did you make it?

Left all the stars in your city nights

Can you fake it?

I lost my way in your city lights

Glad you made it

We stole the fire

And it's burning bright

Fire/stars/light is represented as strength the queer person has found in their identity, and it burns so brightly at the end of the album that they won't hide it anymore. Now that they have met another queer person and they are both out, the speaker trusts that it is possible to live as who you truly are, and they are not willing to hide anymore.

Not ashamed of what I am

I took the pills

For these empty nights

'Cause it makes me who I am

The speaker is not ashamed anymore of being queer but they still remember how it felt. How they had to cope with unhealthy copy because of the suffering of being against the world.

"They always told me that

"You never get to heaven"

With a love like yours

Well if you're lost little boy

The cameras pull you right back down, yeah"

Social/ expectations opinions are a heavy theme in the album, and it continues in the last song. It is not uncommon that society to treat queer people as little kids who don't know what they want or at least "should" want. Society will tell queer people that the way they want to love and/or exist is wrong. If a person dares to do something not straight or gender not conforming, society is there, like cameras, to judge that vulnerable moment and show it as a mistake. The speaker reflects on religion telling others "you won't get to heaven based on the things that you do" because people still use religion to discriminate against queer people.

"It's like a chemical burn

I'm peeling off your skin, yeah

And when you see your face

Well you'll never be the same again, yeah"

Queer people have to hear bad news, insults, misinformation, etc. every day. It takes a great toll mentally that can make people and that can be manifested physically, to the point that it hurts and/or to the point that people start noticing. Sadly, it's a kind of pain queer people have to live with for now until who knows when.

"Cause if you just stop breathing

I'll stop, stop my heart

I'll stop breathing too

[...]

Not ashamed of what I am

I'd trade the world for your city nights

'Cause it makes me who I am"

Queer people rely on each other, and the speaker relies on their significant other. The speaker would give up everything for the experiences they will get to share together.

"And though I missed the chance for this

I confess that I can't wait

Until it's gone

No I mean this every single day

Don't go if you got more to say

'Cause the world don't need

Another hopeless cause"

The speaker makes a small confession here. They are tired of society, of hiding, of fighting. They want the whole world to disappear just so they can be happy. They don't want to be part of "the fight" to make things better but they don't have any other choice. For them, the world cannot afford people doing nothing.

"Though it makes me who I am

'Cause it makes me who I am

And you made me who I am

Be afraid of what I am"

Although the speaker is done with people who don't do anything to fight against a society that doesn't accept them, they recognize that's who they were for so long. But now their significant other gives them the strength to leave all doubts and fear behind. The speaker is warning the world to be afraid of them because they are done being afraid of the world.

"We walked around in your city lights

'Cause it makes me who I am

I burned it all but im doing fine

'Cause I'll never fade away

If I steal the fire from your city nights

'Cause it makes me who I am

Who I am"

The speaker borrows strength from their significant other to go against the world, and in doing so they burn (jeje) relationships with other people, but they are okay with it. They will survive now that they are strong enough to stand up for themselves.

Conventional weapons sets someone in multiple stages of queer life and use weapons to portray life as a war with oneself, expectations, and society.

FIN

tldr: cw is gay af argue with the wall

#mcr #my chemical romance #conventional weapons #burn bright #surrender the night #kiss the ring #make room #the world is ugly #the light behind your eyes #boy division #tomorrows money #ambulance #gun #queer #lgbtqia

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petrichor-idyllic · 2 years ago

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Hi! Could I request a newt x nonbinary!reader where reader is put into the maze without remembering that they’re trans, but then they realise and come out and ask people to use they/them pronouns - especially with newt first but reader is worried that he won’t accept them or like them back but yay feelings are returned in the end

Thank you so much!!

Absolutely I can.

UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTANCE

MASTERLIST | NEWT MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: See above. Takes place before the arrival of Thomas.

WARNINGS: Inappropriate language, gender queer distress, struggling to come out to people, one sarcastic sex joke from Minho, I've tried my hardest to figure out how to write this so I'm sorry if this is bad - sorry.

You've always felt out of place in the Glade.

At first, you figured it was just because you're in the middle of a giant changing Maze without any knowledge of who you are - which would make sense.

But as you watched the other Gladers adapt and accept themselves and their situations; you didn't.

You always felt strange in your body, and you hated it when people referred to you in any way, shape or form. A lot of the boys started thinking you were just shy and didn't want to be involved. But, in reality, the internal cringing that takes place whenever anyone ever talks about you is enough to knock you physically sick.

It took you a long time to figure things out, and a slightly awkward drunken conversation with Alby.

Despite Gally's Special Brew making your brain fuzzy, you still remembering the conversation embarrassingly well.

But thank God it was with Alby.

Alby is a harsh leader and keeps his men on a tight leash, but he also deeply cares about you all. So, when he came up to you, asking if you were okay and you immediately burst into tears, he was beyond experienced enough to deal with it.

It did take him back for a second, though.

Alby has dealt with a lot of emotional situations. From Minho's stress-induced mental breakdowns behind closed doors to Newt's gay crisis - he's witnessed it all. He's dealt with it all.

It was a strange realisation, and you didn't expect Alby to be the one to point it out, but you became aware of your gender identity.

It was like something clicked.

Alby was the first person you asked to refer to you as they.

And he was the only person for a while. You became close because if that.

Then he accidentally called you they in front of Minho. You panicked but Minho didn't care.

He shrugged it off but started also referring to you as they.

Slowly, you started to tell more Gladers, and all of them were pretty accepting.

You begin to realise that they just don't care. Everyone has bigger things to care about. Sure, the drunk philosophy conversations around a Bonfire about sex, love and gender are interesting. But they don't actually mean anything to the boys. They have far too much on their plates for that to be at the forefront of their concerns.

Even the less accepting boys don't really care. There's a couple of confusing looks or sparky questions, but that's it. Which sucks, but apart from that, everyone is very accepting.

But that doesn't make you any less scared of someone not being accepting.

And that specific person is Newt.

Which is ridiculous.

And you know it's ridiculous.

Newt is easily one of the most accepting person in the Glade, and it's pretty much an open secret that he doesn't like women. If anything, he's the person to go to for any identity or LGBTQ+ issues.

Which is why it would hurt so much if he didn't accept you.

You're only really out to a few people, but it feels like everyone. But despite people's views, they've all agreed to keep it to themselves until you gain the courage to tell everyone. And the next step is telling Newt.

It really doesn't help that you have a small crush on the boy.

Small.

Oh, so small.

Teeny-weeny, you could say.

You are a liar.

You're borderline infatuated.

Deep down, you know Newt will accept you.

But what if he doesn't?

What if you catch him on a bad day? And he laughs at you or tells you to piss off?

The thought is enough to send waves of anxiety through you.

"It's really not a big deal, dude," Minho hums from next to you in his hammock. You've, for some reason, been hanging around the Keeper since Alby exposed you. He's surprisingly good at being a comfort.

Probably from the traumas of the Maze and dealing with stressed Runners.

"It's a big deal to me," you mumble, legs crossed as you draw lines in the dried dirt in the floor in front of you.

The sticks holding Minho up creak as he turns to lie on his side. The other boys are talking around the main area of the Glade, where they just hang out after a hard day's work. Minho often calls it an early night because he doesn't have time for the petty stuff in the Glade.

Which obviously means he has to deal with you and your problems instead.

"Dude, he's not gonna give a shuck. You're buggin' out for no damn reason. Newt's one cool shank, and you know that. Just tell him. Half of us know anyway, and it's only a matter of time before Alby slips up again."

That is a daunting thought.

"But what if he-?"

"What if he doesn't accept me? What if he doesn't like me back? What if he doesn't want to make sweet, sweet love to me all night long because I changed some funny little words about myself?" You look over your shoulder, glaring at the boy as he mocks you. He grins, sitting up in his hammock and attempting to adjust himself.

He almost slips, which is kind of funny.

"Slim it, shank - I'm tellin' ya. It'll be all good. Just... tell him when you're good and ready, if ever." You let out a huff as Minho tries to drop the sarcasm and attempts to be genuine. "Though, I'm am gettin' shuckin' sick of hearing about it, so if you could do it sooner rather than later; it would be appreciated."

You pull your lips into a thin line, grimacing at the boy. "I hate you, you know?"

"Nah," he flops back down. "You love me, really. Now, either shuck off and get some sleep or go get your man - keep me out of it."

You grumble to yourself, walking away and over to your hammock. Well, you get about halfway there when you slow down to look at Newt.

He's casually leaning against a plot holding up a torch, laughing along with Frypan and another boy whose name you can't place. His golden locks are illuminated by the flame and his cool but casual stance makes your heart melt.

You have to tell him.

You want to tell him.

"Screw it," you change your course of direction and start marching over to him. Your stomach is a bundle of knots and you feel like you've just woken up from a rough night of drinking.

But you keep going.

Until you stop dead in your tracks.

God, he's pretty.

He's pretty and kind, and kind of nihilistic, and he's probably the most level-headed person in this place.

How were you ever meant to stand a chance?

So, obviously, your nerves buckle and you decide better.

Nope. You're not doing this.

"(Y/N)?" Newt's accent stops you mid-escape, forcing you to awkwardly spin back around to face him.

"Hey," the word comes out strained as you offer an awkward wave.

"Hey, haven't really seen you about recently," he stands up straight, causally slipping his hands into his pockets. "You a'ight?"

His voice, his hair, his dark eyes - everything about him makes you melt.

No wonder Minho's sick of hearing about this shit.

"Y-" your voice breaks, and you have to clear your throat to hide it, "Yeah, I'm good."

He gives you a nod before vaguely gesturing towards his companions. "You wanna join? Fry managed to get his hands on an early batch of Gally's mystery recipe."

"Nah, I'm good, thanks," you go to leave again, but stop yourself.

You've got to get this over with.

"Actually," you clearly your throat again, "can I, uh, can I talk to you, for a second?"

Newt's eyebrows raise slightly. "Yeah, sure - 'course."

You nod for him to follow you, and he does. You walk to the edge of the Deadheads, where you stop and look at him.

"So, uh..." You very quickly trail off.

Where to start?

Okay, so, I really like you and also I don't fit the gender-binary. Okay, bye.

Yeah, don't think that'll work.

"Are you okay?" He steps closer to you. "You've been distant for the last few weeks - I'm starting to get worried."

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just have to tell you a couple of things." You glance at the floor before your eyes flickering back up.

"Okay." You hesitate and he continues. "You know you cab tell me anything, right?"

"Yeah, I know... okay, so uh, basically... Okay. I don't identify as male or female, and I go by they/them pronouns - a-and I would appreciate it if you respected... that."

You look him in the eye and he just tilts his head.

"You wanna used they/them?"

"Yep."

"Okay, cool. They/them it is then."

You blink. Once. Twice. And again.

"What?" He asks. "What is it?"

"You're fine with that?"

He smirks, his eyebrows furrowing, amusement written across his face. "Yeah? Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well... I just... sorry, I've been buggin' over it."

"Really? C'mon, (Y/N), you know I ain't gonna judge ya."

"Yeah, I know, I was just being dumb."

"Yeah, you were," he rocks on his heels for a second. "Wait, what was the other thing?"

"Huh?"

"You said you had two things to tell me?"

Honestly, the relief that you'd experienced made you completely forget that you're in love with this man.

"Oh, right, yeah, uh... okay, you might actually judge me for this one." You try to laugh it off but he seems concerned more than anything. "I kinda, maybe... like you?" You didn't mean for it to be a question, but that's what it is now.

His expression falters at this.

"W-what?" He splutters out.

Newt isn't sure if he heard you correctly. He's never told anyone, but he's actually had a crush on you since you showed up in the Box. He likes your work ethic and the way you treat people.

So, you'll have to forgive him when his words catch in his throat.

"Ithinkimaybesortahaveamassivecrushonyou."

He blinks. "Okay, one more time, you said that way too fast."

"I really like you, Newt - I have a crush on you."

You're not sure what you expected, but as Newt starts to smile, that familiar feelings of butterflies fills your stomach.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he grins.

"Thank God for that," he scoffs, "I thought you were gonna tell me you're dying or some klunk."

You snort at this, shaking your head. "Nope, not dying."

"Good. Couldn't have my partner dying on me, could I?"

Your eyes widen. No... surely not.

"Partner?"

"Yeah, like a couple," he pauses. "That's the right word... right?"

"...You wanna be a couple?"

"Yep," he pops the p, "believe it or not; I like you too."

"You do?"

"Yeah," he steps forward, standing a few inches away from you. "I do." His eyes fall to your lips. "Can I kiss you?"

You nod, leaning in, your noses brush before your lips meet. It's a quick peck, and when you pull apart, he's grinning like an idiot.

"I think we make a pretty good couple, don't you?" He kisses the end of your nose and you roll your eyes.

"Couldn't agree more."

This has taken me embarrassingly long to get through, so I apologise.

Anyway, hope yall enjoyed :))

#🌿 petri writes #🌿 petri tmr newt #🍃 petri tmr #🌿 petri writes tmr #tmr fanfiction #tmr imagines #the maze runner #newt the maze runner #tmr newt #newt tmr

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