#and my mom is traveling in may to visit her best friend in Florida

[spacebell]

I’m tired and bored at work and I want to go home and I don’t have much left to do

[mastcrmarksman]

If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go?

Oh boy! I have quite a little list.

Okay, so my last name is Finnish. That's all I really know, it's a somewhat unique last name as I've never heard it anywhere else. I won't share it publicly, but friends may ask. Lol.

So Finland is a place I'd like to go. Partly because I'd love to know how to correctly say my last name. As well as generally, I want to learn more about Finland since that's where one side of me comes from.

Next would be Scotland and Ireland, I could be without the UK lol. I've heard it's very green there. One of my friends here from tumblr lives in Scotland so see that is why. And then Ireland as my mom's adopted parents, one side comes from Ireland. So that's a geniune curiosity for me.

Geniunely, I would love to visit Alaska and Canada. I know there's some beautiful landscapes and all of that.

Florida is on my list and goal for next year, as my best friend of almost 15 years is moving back to Florida. So I wanna start saving up for trip money so I can go visit and stay with her sometimes. Cause all I really care about is my friends and having time with them. I didn't get to visit her when she first moved to Florida (she moved back to California for a year and realized Florida weather is better for her) so I really want to push to go see her.

I don't travel well unfortunately, but it's something I've challenged myself on. I've only been on a plane twice (to DC and back in 8th grade).

[nancypullen]

I Lost My Mind

Sorry that I dropped off the face of the Earth for a bit. I have been in a holiday frenzy. I mentioned that I'll be flying down to visit my mom in Florida for a few days. What I did not consider is that taking a chunk out of the middle of December would send me into hyper-holiday prep. I felt like I needed to have EVERYTHING done before departing on the 12th. Ev-er-y-thing. So I put my head down and trimmed the tree, decorated the house, shopped, wrapped, wrote and addressed cards, wrapped some more, baked and baked, and finally checked the last task (packing and mailing a box) off my list. When I return home on the 17th my biggest worry will be preparing for the Christmas meal. I'll have a handful of days to panic. We may have tacos for Christmas dinner if I drop the ball.

The mister had mentioned making the hour long drive up to Christiana Mall in Delaware earlier this week. I told him that if I could get everything done on my list, I could go on Thursday. I worked like a mad woman so I could go to that damn mall. I used to take malls for granted, then I moved to Dogpatch. So I met my self-imposed deadline (the last cookie was packaged at 7pm on Wednesday night) and went to bed with a heating pad and visions of shopping dancing in my head. I was not disappointed. It turned into the best day! The most wonderful part? It snowed on us! All the way to Newark we were treated to this:

I can't even tell you how happy it made me. After our snowy trip we walked into the mall and right into a giant Barnes and Noble. Man, have I missed browsing in a brick and mortar bookstore. I made a wish list a mile long. *sigh*

Mickey and I split up and I visited Lush and bought a couple of sparkly bath bombs for my favorite 5 year old, walked a couple of stores down and picked up a little something for my sister's upcoming birthday, browsed in Pottery Barn and Williams Sonoma (swoon!), and put some mileage on my shoes poking around in numerous other shops. It was such fun, I felt like an Amish girl on rumspringa. We met for a quick lunch and then headed off to the local Trader Joe's for a few things. We didn't have snow on the way home, but at least the car smelled good from that sack of bath bombs. Tomorrow I'm volunteering at the Friends of the Library booth at Winterfest. I think I'm running the Pin the Nose on the Snowman game. I doubt it will compete with all of the bouncy houses and big stuff, but hopefully some little bookworms will find us. After the festival I'll once again become a crazy lady, cleaning this house top to bottom and getting packed for the trip. I want to come home on the night of the 17th to a house that doesn't need a thing, because we'll be hurtling right into Christmas. Note to self: never again travel in December. I know I'll have a ball in Florida. I wanted to see my mom before I start the library job and lose the freedom to travel whenever I want (I've forgotten what it's like to ask for time off!). My sister is going to join us and we'll be able to celebrate her birthday on the 15th. It'll be good for all of us, some girl time. And that, my friends, explains my absence. I'm a one-woman holiday crew. The house is pretty, the tree is sparkling, gifts are purchased, wrapped, and tagged, cookies are baked, cards are mailed, and this elf is done. Well, I say one-woman, but I am never alone. Someone is always there, watching.

See her in there, just behind the white and gold bow? I can't keep her out of there. At least she doesn't climb it. I'll try to write a bit more tomorrow, I think I'll actually have a little time. I may tromp around in the woods and look for some greenery to cut. I want to make a festive swag to hang over those ugly blinds.

Hmmm. Maybe not. Looks a little too busy. Maybe some light garland. Whatever, it's not like we're on the Christmas home tour. Until tomorrow (I hope), I hope that you're enjoying every bright and shiny bit of this season. Turn on some holiday tunes and boogie your way through your chores. That's what keeps me going.

Stay safe, stay well, stay jolly! XOXO, Nancy

[swiftgronmasterpost]

GRYLES!!!

Rebuilding the Gryles Timeline expertly crafted here because I’m always afraid of broken links and people going private and losing data.

Not only is there a ton of great evidence that these guys were dating such as Harry leaving Nick’s place in the morning wearing the same clothes as he’d worn the night before, I’ve also got a friend who works in the UK music industry and she did tell me these guys did date.  Nick is 100% out as gay so it really does all add up.

Gryles very obviously takes place during Haylor, debunking Harry as the 1989 muse, and if it’s not Harry you do have to wonder... who with green eyes and an obsession with Alice and Wonderland was heavily featured in Taylor’s life and then disappeared before 1989 - a breakup album about someone with green eyes who seems to relate to Alice in Wonderland drops?

You get it.

Anyway here’s Gryles:

This is a little game I like to call "let's talk about Nick/Harry dates and how they line up with Harry leaving and entering the country".

06. February 5th 2012 - Harry and Nick go to a Super Bowl party together.

One Direction in Sweden February 12th - 14th. (Came home by train on the 14th.)

07. February 14, 2012 - VALENTINE'S DAY!

08. February 18, 2012 - Stella McCartney Fashion show with Nick's mom.

09. February 21, 2012 - Brit Awards!

10. February 22, 2012 - They attend a party together. (Nick might have been DJing?)

11. February 23, 2012 - Harry spotted leaving Nick Grimshaw's flat in the same outfit he was wearing the night before.

The morning of February 23rd One Direction flies to the US for their tour and doesn't return to the UK until April 24th, 2012.

This trip is supposedly where Haylor 1.0 happens.  Harry supposedly meets Taylor at the KCA’s on March 31 and they fall for one another.  Taylor supposedly goes to NYC to be with Harry (even though she spends the whole time with Dianna) during the first week of April.  Then they supposedly enter into a long distance relationship that is broken up because Harry was seen out with another girl.

All the while the last thing Harry does before he leaves the UK is spend the night with Nick and then the first thing he does is goes back to him.

Yeah, I’m not buying Haylor 1.0 it seems pretty clear to me that Taylor wanted to pin I Knew You Were Trouble on Harry as a big pop anthem to support her transition to pop.  I think it’s even possible they faked Harry being spotted out with that girl or perhaps he and Nick had some kind of agreement.  I’m not saying Gryles was always exclusive (they may have been), but regardless I don’t see Red era Taylor being cool enough to share her boyfriend with a man.

12. April 25, 2012 - Nick and Harry out together the morning after he returned.

Harry also calls into Nick's radio show on the 25th and confirms that the first thing he did upon returning on the 24th was meet up with Nick and Matt Fincham for drinks so one can theorize he probably crashed w/ Nick that night.

Harry goes to LA by himself on May 1st and returns to the UK on the 5th.

May 5th, 2012 - Harry out with Annie Mac and Nick. (Thanks to my anon for clueing me into this little gem of information.)

13. May 7th, 2012 - Harry and Nick out with friends

One Direction goes to Sweden from May 10th to May 16th.

14. May 17, 2012 - The Sun reports Harry driving Nick to work.

Also out shopping together

15. May 19, 2012 - Nick posts a picture to his instragram from the Kanye West/Jay Z show at the O2.

Who cares right? So he went to see a show. But then.

Hey guess what happened the very next day? One Direction flew to Boston on May 20th, 2012 to start their summer tour in the U.S. They're gone from the 20th to July 3rd.

16. July 5, 2012 - Nick and Harry attend the launch of Tinie Tempah's shoes line.

There's some downtime and vacation time here where Harry disappears for a week while Louis is France w/ Eleanor, Niall goes to Spain, Liam and Danielle are on vacation, etc and then One Direction goes back to work July 11th recording and doing photo shoots.

17. July 19, 2012 - Harry goes out with Nick and Aimee and tweets this.

18. August 10, 2012 - Harry attends Nick's 28th birthday party at La Bodega Negra.

Pregaming before the party!

Outside La Bodega Negra

19. August 11, 2012 - Primrose Hill picnic

20. August 20, 2012 - One Direction visit Nick at BBCR1 to announce their headlining of the BBC Radio 1 Teen Choice Awards.

21. August 25, 2012 -

Nick and Harry go to lunch. (Would also like to point out that they are switching places and that Harry is going to the driver's side of Nick's car :333)

and then to Reading Festival

then Nick accompanies Harry to Liam's party at Funky Buddha

and then they leave together and go see Rita Ora at G.A.Y.

22. August 26, 2012 - The morning after, Nick tweets a shot of his hangover breakfast from Harry's Range Rover (Nick owns a Mercedes).

then a lunch date with several people

They spend this entire day together and this is the day the pics of them in the grocery store  are taken where Nick buys Harry a banana, etc

and then Harry drops Nick off for his nighttime show and picks him up again to take him to/stay with him while Nick DJs at Wonderland nightclub.

(Although, lbr. Given what we learn from Nick's final nighttime show about how often Harry hung around the studio, he probably never left.)

Wonderland! (the only time that fucking song has any bearing on Harry and he’s off being a MLM king)

23. August 28, 2012 - Leaving Nick's flat

spotted in the studio w/ Nick at BBCR1

24. August 30, 2012 - Harry films the Breakfast Show advert for Nick's #Team Grimmy commercial and then they go to Mahiki Club that night.

25. August 31, 2012 - Harry goes with Nick to his DJ gig at Paradise

and then to karaoke afterward

The lo and behold One Direction flies to Florida the very next day to film their Pepsi commercial. They're gone until September 11th.

on September 6, 2012 Taylor has Sushi with Ed and Harry in LA supposedly signaling the start of Haylor 2.0 as if Harry is not fully boyfriends with Nick.

26. September 12, 2012 - Nick's final nighttime show. (this was a gif of them being cute and playing around but I was too lazy to bring it over, you get it they’re touchy, flirty, and playful):

Nick and Aimee go on vacation together from the 14th to the 18th.

27. September 18, 2012 - This dude says he spotted Harry Styles waiting in arrivals at the airport while waiting for his sister's flight to arrive insinuating perhaps Harry was traveling with Nick and Aimee:

28. September 20, 2012 - iTunes Festival where One Direction was interviewed by Nick and Annie Mac

29. Harry calls into Nick's first Breakfast Show on September 25, 2012. Then they meet up after to see Perks of Being a Wallflower together. I can't find the tweets from the ladies who saw them there, but Nick and Emma Watson confirm later that Harry was indeed there.

30. September 29, 2012 - Spotted at Waitrose together and then the following morning Nick regales his listeners with the tale of a Spinach pie he made for a ~friend~.

31. October 5th (or 6th?), 2012 - Preparation for Ladz FM

But also on October 5th, Taylor is on Nick’s show:

32. October 6, 2012 - Ladz FM

Supposedly on this show Nick gives Harry hell for Taylor, the Haylor timeline I like puts it this way:

“One Direction and Harry make an appearance on Nick’s show the following day, and they talk about Taylor on-air for 4 minutes straight. Nick teases Harry by saying “Ol’ Swiftyyyy” over and over again when she is brought up in the conversation.” Yup that’s right, Nick was giving his own boyfriend shit about his fake girlfriend 😭😭😭 this is why I fuck w Nick’s energy.

then they went for lunch in notting hill (no Taylor? why not Harry aren’t you so happy to be back with her and in love w her?)

33. October 7, 2012 - BBC Teen Choice Awards

One Direction doing promotion for the new album.

Paris - October 11, 2012

Ireland - October 12, 2012

Manchester - October 16, 2012

Leeds - October 17, 2012

34. October 19, 2012 - Lunch in London

October 31 - One Direction in Spain

Early November One Direction goes to the US for Ellen, X Factor USA, and The Today Show. After The Today Show Harry flies to LA while the rest of One Direction goes back to London. Harry writes a song with the lead singer of Snow Patrol and rumors start flying about him hooking up with Taylor Swift.

Harry arrives back in London on November 16, 2012.

35. November 16, 2012 - Children in Need benefit concert

November 30th One Direction goes back to the U.S. for one off shows and MSG show. Haylor happens.

Harry returns to London on December 8th via Taylor's private jet and plays the Jingle Ball with the rest of One Direction. Harry and Taylor tour the UK together until December 15th when Taylor leaves for France.  Meanwhile Dianna heads out on a mystery 14 hour long flight on December 14th.

36. December 16, 2012 - Roast Dinner!

One Direction returns to the U.S. for the X Factor USA finale. Harry stays in the U.S. and goes on a ski vacation with Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber, and Selena Gomez.

He returns to the UK on December 24th.

37. December 25, 2012 - Late night Christmas leftovers. (Yes they’re spending Christmas together, that’s boyfriend behavior!)

Harry and Nick both leave London on the 29th (Nick for Puerto Rico and Harry for NYC) Harry spends New Years with Taylor and Nick spends New Years with Pixie, Aimee, and the rest of the hipster crew. Harry and Taylor then fly to Gorda British Virgin Islands where they are supposed to vacation until the 7th. Taylor leaves on the 4th and Harry goes to Necker Island alone. Tabloids say Harry and Taylor have broken up.

And that’s it for Haylor!

Harry arrives back in the UK on January 8th

38. January 8, 2013 - Sushi lunch date! (tweet confirming nick was also there.)

and harry with the girl who tweeted it.

39. January 10, 2013 - Tinie Tempah's GQ dinner.

The party was for people on the British GQ best dressed list (Nick was on it. Harry was not.)

Jessie J puts a picture of the table cards from her table on instagram. Harry doesn't have one which, you know. I'll just be here imagining him as Nick's + 1.

One Direction fly to Ghana on the 12th or 13th and return on the 15th. On the 16th Harry calls into Grimmy’s show to talk about how Fincham DOES NOT LOOK LIKE A MEMBER OF ONE DIRECTION. Finchy asks Harry when he’s back and Harry says “in a couple of days”. (Small side note here that I don’t think Finchy and Harry are at the level of friends where they keep track of one another’s schedules so the only way Finchy could have known that Harry was heading back out of town to Japan that very day is if Nick told him.)

One Direction in Japan from January 16th to the 20th.

I'm not going to count this as a time they were together because I have no hard evidence, but the night of January 20th Harry was spotted in a grocery store buying wine and Annie Mac mentions on her show that Nick ditched coming over for dinner that evening to have a friend round to his house instead. We assume it was Harry, but w/o actual proof I don't want to say it concretely.

40. January 21, 2013 - Baking for Radio 1! (Tweet confirming the friend was Harry.)

Nick tells this story the morning of the 22nd about how he forgot he had to bake, so he got up from bed, went to the store for supplies, and forgot eggs. So, he texted his friend who was coming over to bring eggs and then Nick baked while his friend yelled at him to add more butter.

41. January 22, 2013 - Watching Great British Bake Off

Do what you will with this one. Obviously there is not definite way to tell if this is Harry or not, but given the evidence of the amount of time they spend together that has been laid forth thus far, I feel comfortable saying those are indeed Harry's legs.

42. January 31, 2013 - Out for Harry's birthday at La Bodega Negra (the same place they celebrated Nick's birthday.)

Nick also went to Groucho Club afterward with Harry and mentioned on his show this morning that he hadn't slept at all. (He was still wearing the same outfit.)

43. February 1, 2013 - Aimee tweets about being in the car with Nick en route to play Laser Quest. (Can't imagine who they might be playing with.)

Nick tweeted this :)

Never

Getting

Over

This

February 19, 2013 - PreBrit Awards Dinner Hosted by Nick!

THEIR SMILEY LITTLE FACES. :3

Legit SHARING A TAXI ON THE WAY HOME

2/20/13 - At the Brit Awards together!

Leaving an after party!

taking a cab to Nick's house so Nick can change for work

hands hands hands

At Nick's flat

 2/21/13 - On The Breakfast show the morning after the Brits!

Harry on The Breakfast Show!

2/23/2013 - Nick attends One Direction's first show at the O2 in London

THE DROUGHT IS OVER!!!

8/21/2013 - Nick interviews Harry, Zayn, and Liam for TBS

Then Nick and Harry hook up later for dinner.

September 12, 2013

Harry gets off the plane from LAX, gets on the tube and meets Nick at an Elton John concert

Harry and Nick's dad at the concert, posted to Nick's instagram.

September 13, 2013

This person says they saw nick and Harry at Apartment 58 (members only club) together

https://twitter.com/LightbownL/status/378610145271771136

But, Sadie Frost also posted a picture of her and Nick getting ready to go out for LFW with no mention of Harry, so the tweet could be false facts.

But then! September 14, 2013

Sadie posts this picture of Nick sleeping on her sofa

Followed by this picture of Harry posing with her daughter

And then Nick and Harry went to Henry Hollands show at LFW together

Then to a pub with Gemma, Kelly Osborn and others

Then to dinner with James Corden and his wife

September 15, 2013

September 17, 2013 - Fashion Show East in London

November 9, 2013 - Breakfast with Anne and Robin at the Wolseley.

So Anne tweeted this in the morning. You can see the Wolseley logo at the top of the plate.

Then this girl got a pic with Harry at the Wolseley during his breakfast with Anne and Robin.

and she confirmed that Nick was eating with them https://twitter.com/alexandra_imper/status/400204985222193152

Then off to Selfridges to shop!

At Alexa Chung's birthday party!

November 10, 2013 - Ladz instagram and Aimee Phillips birthday party!

LADZ VIDEO!

November 30, 2013

Harry playing with Puppy at Nick's house.

Poppy Delevingne's hen party!

Leaving Groucho club.

December 1, 2013

Primrose Hill lighting ceremony!

Nick with Daisy Lowe and his dad!

Then this girl met Nick

https://twitter.com/rpcheald/status/407224559687852032/photo/1

and saw Harry

https://twitter.com/rpcheald/status/407209332858552320

Class of '92 movie premiere

Nick and his dad on the red carpet

Harry meeting Beckham!

December 4, 2013 - London Fashion Awards

February 17, 2014 - Taking a random taxi ride?????

and leaving Nick's flat

March 29, 2014

Sleepover at Harry's house!

Nick posted this on instagram

http://instagram.com/p/mHpTBdPJyt/

At the time we weren't sure it was Harry's drive but...

https://twitter.com/cuppanarryx/status/481310537817399296/photo/1

Hiya, doggie.

Also Nick's tweet from the morning after just because.

https://twitter.com/grimmers/status/449814322399940609

May 24, 2014 - Radio 1's Big Weekend

May 28, 2014 - Barry's BC London

And link to post about the other tweets x

June 8, 2014

Nick attends One Directions show at Wembley Stadium.

June 12, 2014

Harry at Nick driving around London in a Ferrari.

and another tweet about the Ferarri sighting.

https://twitter.com/ItsJustMikey/status/477133631602065408

Then later that evening Harry went to Nick's for his World Cup barbecue and fans took pics with Harry outside Nick's house.

[keeptheotherone]

Mecation: Day 1 

Thursday

I once read social media described as an indulgence of the fantasy that others are interested in the details of our lives. I’m indulging in that fantasy this week by blogging about my Mecation under the guise of travel blogging ;)

If you follow me in even the most casual way, you know I’m a nurse. While I’ve enjoyed the vast majority of my 23 years as such, I don’t recommend it during a pandemic. The last 18 months have been the second-worst mental health period of my life, demoted to that position not because of the mildness of my symptoms but simply because at 15 I didn’t have the experience or perspective to realize my life was not, in fact, ruined forever.

COVID increased my personal vulnerability as a high-risk patient and made my job immensely more difficult in countless ways both small and large, but the worst part of the pandemic for me (so far) is it took away all my coping mechanisms precisely when I needed them most. Massage, pedicures, dinner out with friends, travel ... all gone practically overnight. Pre-COVID I travelled all the time--home to my parents’, long weekends by myself (Mecation!), annual visits to BFFs, conferences, tourism, the beach, my birthday, writing trips, international trips ... I always had at least one trip in the works, usually one booked and one (or more!) in the planning stages. 

When COVID started, all my close friends and family except for two lived out of state. One of those two was out of town but close enough to get together, but the other was a few hours’ drive away. I’m single and live alone; it was the most isolated I’ve ever been in my whole life. 

With my bestest friends over 500 miles away, I still feel that way sometimes. I haven’t seen them in a year. If it weren’t for COVID, it would only be 7 or 8 months (I’ve gone every January or February since ... forever). Then again, if it weren’t for COVID, I wouldn’t have been there last September; one had been hospitalized and I needed to see she was all right with my own two eyeballs. I expect it will be at least another 7 or 8 months before we get together again, bringing the total to about 20 months. One year we saw each other 5 times in 9 months, our personal best since college. 

I was alone on Christmas. Oh, I’ve spent December 25th on my own before; I’m a nurse. I’ve worked the night of the 24th or the 25th (or both), or whatever combination that didn’t leave enough time off to drive home. But I’ve never spent the Christmas season without my parents. Sometimes the week before, sometimes the week after, sometimes at my place instead of home, but always together. But last Christmas COVID was raging, the vaccines had just come out but were only available to first responders (I got mine on the 23rd), and my elderly parents didn’t feel safe to travel. So I spent Christmas without family.

Travel was not just a break from my daily routine and the stress of nursing; in many ways, the biggest benefit travel made to my mental and emotional health was giving me something to look forward to.  Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick,” and ohhh, I was so heartsick last year! Not being able to travel meant I couldn’t visit my best friends of almost 25 years (more than half my life!). Not being able to travel meant I couldn’t lean on my dad or be hugged by my mom. Not being able to travel--and not knowing when I could travel--left this gaping hole in my future, and I had nothing to fill it with. 

I tell you this not to throw a pity party but to explain the significance of the trip I’m on right now. It is only my third this year: my dad and I spent a week in the mountains in February (my depression and anxiety was so bad then that was treatment, not vacation), I took a friend to the beach over my birthday, and now I’m a couple hours from home at a nice spa hotel. (I’m not counting my nephew’s graduation, which was emotionally challenging for multiple reasons, or helping a friend move from Florida. Moving is never fun.)

I started planning this trip in the spring ... May, maybe? You know, after the vaccine rolled out to everyone and case counts were dropping and it looked like we were gonna lick this thing and have a quasi-normal summer by the Fourth of July (yes, I’m American. That date is a proper noun here.). I had switched jobs in November (don’t ask) and gone on mental health leave December 29th, so I felt I owed it to my unit to put in about six months of work before taking any significant time off, especially since I came back at 24 hours instead of 36. That meant September.

I knew what I wanted to do: 4 or 5 days at an all-inclusive resort in the Caribbean. I’d been before and loved the freedom of not worrying about every little expenditure (what can I say, I’m cheap), and a few days of Vitamin Sea sounded perfect.

Then came Delta.

All right, maybe going out of the country isn’t the best idea, I thought. Don’t want to end up with expensive reservations and then your destination closes to Americans, or you make it to your chosen island but can’t get back home. But I didn’t want to fly (ugh, airports!), I didn’t want to drive (rest stops and restaurants and gas stations), and while I thought about taking the train, it didn’t seem much of an improvement (and maybe a downgrade) on flying.

Then a friend mentioned a sleeper car, and I thought yes! That could work! I’ve never been to New England, I want to go to Boston, that area of the country has low case rates and the highest vaccination rates, this has potential! 

Then I looked at the CDC map. There were only four states that didn’t have high transmission at that time (early August, I think; I’d had to wait for confirmation that my time off had been approved): Michigan, Rhode Island, Maine, and New Hampshire. All four had substantial rates of transmission. Hardly ideal, but one thing I’ve learned this year is sometimes you have to make compromises to protect your mental health. It is true it doesn’t matter if you’re happy if you’re dead; it is also true it doesn’t matter if you’re safe if you want to kill yourself. (I’m not suicidal, I am receiving treatment, don’t anybody panic.)

So, now I’ve settled on Maine or New Hampshire by train via sleeper car (Michigan is too far for a 4-5 day trip and RI--meh). Well, as I got deeper into planning, turned out Maine or NH were awfully far too. Far enough I would have to overnight in a major city, which pretty much defeated the purpose of isolating in a sleeper car. Then I found out there were no sleeper cars on either train route.

So, now vacation is 5 weeks away and I’m back at square one. The Deep South, Texas, and Florida are imploding. Pediatric cases are rising--kids are sicker and make up a higher percentage of cases than they did last year. Scuttlebutt from my ICU colleagues is it’s bad--17/30 MICU beds are COVID and they’re all vented. SICU is being nicknamed “the ECMO unit.” The hospital has 18(!) ECMO machines and 12 are in use; the float nurse who tells us that didn’t even know we had 12 because she’s never seen that many in use at one time. Hospital-wide our numbers are equivalent to early February (we peaked in January). There were six--SIX--pediatric rapid responses in one day. 

And I’m going to travel.

It’s a big deal ... a big accomplishment, really, because of what it says about how I’m successfully managing my anxiety. April 1 was the first time I’d been inside a grocery store in more than a year ... and that wasn’t my idea. It was late April or May before I was comfortable eating in restaurants, even with the falling case count at the time. I’m still not sure if I’m managing my anxiety or reacting to the pressure by going to the opposite extreme (I have a history of that), but I know I’m less stressed, less anxious, have fewer obsessive thoughts, fewer physical symptoms, and am learning to live with this disease. 

So, here I sit at a marble-topped 5-foot-wide desk in my queen/queen hotel room at the end of a productive and enjoyable day. I slept in, completed the big goal of this weekend’s to-do list that I honestly thought would take several days, unpacked and organized my room (I arrived yesterday evening), reorganized my Favorites Bar and Bookmarks on my Mac, had an 80-minute aromatherapy massage, enjoyed a shower in the spa afterwards and even blow-dried my hair(!) before wandering around for a while to get the lay of the land and get some steps in (this place is huge!). Then I changed clothes and took myself out to dinner for my favorite food, Italian. 

That’s me in the picture up top, all dressed up :) Actually, I probably look pretty normal to y’all; like most people with depression, my personal hygiene sunk to new lows in the last year and a half, and as a low-maintenance person to begin with, that’s saying a lot. I bought that necklace as a bridesmaid and am not sure I’ve worn it since; this spring was her 10th anniversary. Yesterday I took out the cat-shaped earrings Dad gave me for Christmas. (Yes, they were gross. Yes, I cleaned them. Yes, I’m wearing them again now.) Just wearing a nice top, fixing my hair (no ponytail or claw-clip bun, my staples), and adding jewelry was a big deal ... especially since “no one” was going to see me. I did it just for me, to make myself feel good. And I did. (That’s another small pleasure COVID took away from me--lip gloss. If I wore any makeup at all, it was lipstick or gloss. Utterly pointless when you’re masked whenever you’re in public.)

I took my laptop to dinner and edited a couple chapters of my new Charlie/Amy fic (previewed during #ktoo turns 10), ran a couple errands, and headed back to the hotel since I don’t like to be out late by myself in an unfamiliar city. Forgot I put my receipt envelope in the backseat pocket and reorganized the glove compartment looking for it, then gathered a bunch of returns into a bag in the trunk. Hung out writing in the lobby until my Mac threatened to die, came upstairs and tidied up, put on my jammies, and talked to you guys :) 

[destinyc1020]

do you think that tom would be living out in LA if he had moved out there in 2017 like he originally planned to? i love nikki but that fact that she just bought him an apartment without asking always seemed weird. anyways now he’s been living in london forever and doesn’t seem to want to move to LA. i found this weird especially when he was dating Z because he was a grown man movie star that seemed to want to live near his parents more than his girlfriend. i don’t know any 20 somethings with that mindset. i understand he has friend but he can also make new friends and only having your main group of friends in your 20s be your same group from school is a but strange to me. i feel like your 20s are about adventure and meeting new people and it doesn’t seem like tom is doing that too much. i’m not mad at him and i know it’s his life but not moving to LA and making new friends as a movie star in his 20s never made sense to me and i wonder if he ever will especially since it’s where so much work happens.

I'm sorry Anon, but your ask just seems to have a lot of questions and random assumptions being made in it, that I'm not sure we can really be the judge of some of these things.

I'll try to answer your questions as best I can....

Firstly, maybe Tom at one time was thinking about moving to LA, but over time perhaps he realized (or was encouraged to see 👀) that LA and the whole fame lifestyle is not really for him? 🤷🏾‍♀️ He actually kind of alluded to that in one of his Cherry interviews.

Re: Nikki....

Regardless of how you feel about what Nikki did, I honestly can't say that I blame her. I don't have kids myself (ha! And don't want any anytime soon lol 😅😂), but looking at things from a "mother's perspective", I can def see why she may have stepped in. For one, Tom was a little young (20?) at the time when he was thinking about moving across the world to another country. We're not just talking moving states, we're talking countries. 👀 We already know (now) that Tom is pretty impulsive, and he may have had stars in his eyes and dreams of Hollywood living, and he was def prob in love and wanted to live closer to his gf (who was Zendaya at the time), and his mom prob saw potential red flags with that.

For one thing, I personally don't advocate ANYONE totally uprooting their life and moving JUST for love unless you have a ring on the finger, or are close to engagement. 👀 Maybe it's just me, but I've just heard of waaaay too many horror stories. 🥴 I think it would be DIFFERENT if that country or city was a place that you've always wanted to move to regardless...... but if not..... then I would advise against it unless there's a big step towards marriage or solid commitment. My BIGGEST issue is, what happens if you two break up? 🥴 Now you're stuck in a foreign country and don't really have a stable foundation of friends (most of your friends may have partly been friends of your SO, and that would be awkward lol).

So I can def see where Nikki was coming from.

Now that Tom's older however, I don't see anything wrong with him having a SECOND residence in LA if he wanted to. Plenty of actors who are from overseas have two residences.... one in the UK and another in the US. Actor Henry Cavill for example owns a house in Florida if I'm not mistaken. 🤔

But Tom hasn't done that, so I assume that's just not smthg that he wants to do? 🤷🏾‍♀️ And based on his "travel habits" after he and Z split up, it seems his "work" doesn't really take him to LA as often as we thought.... so it seems a LOT of those times he was just in town to visit her. But if he doesn't have a gf in the US anymore, then I don't really see anything pulling him to move to the US. I could only see Tom moving to the US if his work forces him to live in the US over 70% of the time, OR, if he's getting super serious with someone (ie. close to engagement), and his SO lives in the US.

Otherwise..... Tom seems like a London guy at heart, and I honestly don't ever see him totally uprooting from London. (Sorry if this is an unpopular opinion, but this is just what my GUT is telling me 🤷🏾‍♀️🙈)

I don't think that Tom living in London however makes him some type of "adventure-less" dude in his 20s who's not doing anything "exciting" with his life. Are you kidding me lol? 😅 Tom has PLENTY of adventures and has made more friends and has had more experiences than most guys his age! Perhaps even more than guys TWICE his age! 😂 So just cuz he's not uprooting from London doesn't make him some type of sorry sap. LA isn't for everyone tbh. And tbh, if I lived in Europe, I prob wouldn't want to live in the US either lol 😅 Last I hear, their services are way better than ours. Don't they also get free Healthcare? I don't exactly see a ton of ppl from the UK just itching to move to the US tbh lol 😹 😂

With that said........

What I never understood is why Tom didn't just live with Z for a few months throughout the year? It would have been way less costly than flying back and forth. Not that they have to worry about money lol 😆, but it just seemed like constant back and forth. I know obviously Z is super busy as well, and pre-pandemic she had to travel for work ALL the time, so she's not just sedentary either. So I def understand that they made it work the best that they could.... But it just always seemed like more work than need be imo. 🤷🏾‍♀️ At one point, Tom was spending more time in the US than he was in London! 😂

Tom didn't even have to buy or rent a place in LA, he could have just stayed with Z in her house.... for longer than 2 weeks lol 😆 😅 I know their work usually was making it easy for them to see each other since even without filming they still had promo and stuff, but it just seemed like a lot of effort for both of them.

Oh well...... they tried to make it work the best they could for almost 3 years, I gotta give them that! 🥰

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Mount Everest Ain't Got Shit On Us (Fezco x fem! reader, Part 11.)

Description: You were always told that your life will be as you wish it to be if you’ll study enough. That it will pay off if you work hard. And some people were given you like a scary example of what will happen when you don’t obey. But sometimes it feels good to disobey.

A/N: Inspired by the nicer, happier Euphoria soundtrack (Florida by AQ, Eyes Closed by Curren$y and All That by Drama Relax). I wrote this fckn part for three days, hope it is worth it at least.

Warnings: Don't be silly, wrap your Willy; whether you're doing illegal stuff or completely legal shit. JUST IF YOU DO ALL THAT, BE CAREFUL, OK?

Word Count: 4.7 K

Read the rest here, babe:  PART 1  PART 2  PART 3  PART 4  PART 5  PART 6  PART 7  PART 8  PART 9  PART 10

Masterlist and declaration: H E R E

Tagging: @charmed-asylum, @jeyramarie, @pantherxrogers

Before the downfall, there's a ride upon a rollercoaster. Everything is just fine, you feel happy and you have your inner peace to keep.

You feel like you're on the top of the whole world, you’re beyond everything that could ever hurt you. Friends have your side no matter what, you have some fam to live for. At those moments, you never realize that it can all fuck up in an instance. When you look forward in front of yourself, into your future, there's nothing that can go wrong.

You felt it with him, with Fezco. Every kiss felt like a heaven's touch, his clothes were the most comfortable ever and when you snuggled in the evening, you felt nothing like safety in your chest. Maybe Fez wasn't the smartest or the most talkative boy in the hood, but he sure was the kindest one, looking our for you and your safety along with Jules and Rue. Sometimes he took you out of school, sometimes you saw each other in the evening.

You lived for every small moment you could spend with him. So, when after three other months since the fight in front of your school, there was one evening you could sneak out of the house, you immediately took it to your chance and just left to stay at his place even if it was only for one night. You were knocking on the door when the sundown came and you had that smile on your face.

Ashtray had voluntarily left the place when he heard that you should come over, so there was only Fez, you and his nana. But you were calm about her being present because she was out of the world and Fez was taking care of her. As time passed, he let you visit her. You always talked to her in a nice, smooth tone, about the things that occurred in your daily life.

And your parents liked Fezco as well. He was invited to a lot of family hangouts, your mom loved to spend his time with him because he was acting so nice around you. They even framed you a picture of you and him from one of your hikes, when you were hanging on his shoulders with your legs around his waist. He loved to call you a monkey. 

But that was long forgotten when you were standing in front of his flat, knocking on the door, being all nervous about the evening all of a sudden.

"Wazzup', babe?" - The door opened and his tired face looked from behind it. You were proud that you could make him smile only the way you could. No one was able to make him smile except Rue when you were not near.

"Hi, darling." - You whispered and tiptoed to kiss him gently with your eyes closed. - "I have bought those sweets you like so much."

"Yo da best and no-one can tell otherwise." - He hugged you and helped you with your bag. - "Imma help my na, so can you do the coffee? Don't cook, we can order somethin’." - Fez said and disappeared into the back of his place. You made him the coffee as he loved, making some sweet one for yourself and you just laid down on his big plushy sofa, chilling. You were scrolling through your Instagram, adding a picture to your story.

Fez was smiling wildly there, holding a cone with ice-cream, with his hoodie on his head, but you could see how your hand holds yours in that picture. This picture was one of the sweetest you ever took of him. He looked exactly his age there, not tired, his eyes weren't flat at all. He wasn't a dealer. He wasn't someone who dropped out of high school. He was just happy. You could see that he looks really in love at that one.

A girl who was your closest friend back in the town you were living in texted you almost immediately: You two are such a couple goals. 💙

You couldn't say otherwise. The second one who reacted was Rue, of course, as always: Yaaas, slayy queen. She was fangirling over you two a serious lot since you got back together. And you were as well.

"What ya up to? Ya lookin' all happy." - Two hands hugged both of your shoulders in a tight-ish grip. Fez's palms were warm as always. You leaned into his touch.

"I'm here and with you. What should I tell you? That just makes me happy." - You said with a shining smile, leaning the back of your head into his belly, looking him into the face. Everybody could tell you that you were on fucking cloud nine when you were with Fezco. At school, you smiled sometimes, drifting off to the distance a lot, but you felt sad in some way. But it always disappeared when you saw him in front of the school in his car, waiting for you.

"Ya really not too hard to satisfy." - He kissed your forehead for a long time, his eyes closed and when he stood up again, he was smiling. You could tell he had a joint or two. But you were not making a deal out of it. Fez and weed just got along. - "So tell me what ya want, baby girl. Will be orderin' the food for ya."

"Just cheese pizza or some Thai, nothing too expansive. I can have some cereal when I'll be hungry." - You leaned into the sofa, taking another sip of the coffee.

Fezco couldn't take his eyes off you. You had messy hair falling free from your bun and your bit tired eyes, but your smile indicated that you feel safe and safe with him.

"Ya want to lay down for a bit? Will wake ya up when the courier arrives." - Fez asked when he was dialing some restaurant. You leaned into the back of the sofa and leaned your chin into your hands.

"Yep. I think I'm gonna take a big, long nap." - You nodded and raised your chin to his direction. He leaned down to kiss you slowly, but firmly, taking a hold of his palm on your hair. Just holding a fistful of it before actually noticing the phone operator on the other end of the call. He lends you a blanket, making sure that you're warm before dealing with the man or woman on the other side.

You fell asleep for an hour and a half, Fezco massaging your feet and watching the TV while smoking the joint he made for himself. His touch light and gentle and it lullabied you to sleep. You were done for. A gentle kiss into the crook of your neck has woken you up. And a smell of freshly made coffee and some dinner, but you got up because of two big hands around your waist and a body of a gentle bear being pressed on yours. He was pretty heavy sometimes.

Your lips curled into a lazy, happy smile as you hugged the back of his neck with your hand, playing with his short hair. He was like a puppy, kissing your neck gently, playing with curves of your body. He could feel that you're happy and well-rested at the moment.

"I'm up, baby boy. I will get up soon, I swear." - You giggled when you felt the curious tips of his fingers crawling under your t-shirt. Technically, it was his, but you didn't seem to even think about giving it back. It was like he wasn't listening, he was just kissing you more and more intensely, getting into your personal zone. It felt serious all of a sudden, your heart raced and your back started to arch to his chest.

This didn't feel like your normal cuddly session. From a moment to moment, you felt as your body burnt. You... Wanted him. That happened a few times before, but it has never lead anywhere. But that time was different.

He made sure that he found his way to get the blanket off your body, letting you there with your head tilted back and your mouth opened and breathing heavily. Fez was thankful to you for having only your shorts on.

You may have kissed some boys, touch a very few dicks, but no boy ever touched you... Only one of them dared to. It was never with such determination and warmth. 

But this one was different. You feel that Fez is into that a big time. Maybe being high helped him to read you way better. He was defined sure when his nose was raising the shirt up and licked a small way from your belly to your bra.

The dinner was long forgotten as you felt the warmth of his body, the passion of his hands and the love coming from his moves. The t-shirt left your body and you saw as he slowly leaned down to rest his chin on your breasts pushed up with the tight, innocently white bra.

Nothing could happen that night, bud even tho you took a long bath, completely shaved your legs and the rest, taking a duo of undies on. You wished for something to happen, but it was even more than it was in your mind. A palm traveled under your butt, slowly slipping in under your shorts and panties, finding your entrance slowly. You told him nobody ever took you as a woman, of course, you were honest with him.

His fingers only smoothed you a bit, but you moaned out loud. Fezco was unbelievable because you haven't got any idea of how he could reach that part of your body so confidently and gently - that wasn't even possible. He must've broken his hand. He was basically just smoothing over the outer lips, but it felt like he was showing you the space for you.

You hugged his shoulders tightly, opening your mouth and moaned out loud. It was funny for him because as you trembled and wanted him to reach higher, you traveled under him like a boat on the sea. You panted when the hand disappeared from under your pants and you looked at him with a disappointed face. Your gaze met him in the middle and so you asked him why.

"This ain't nothin', baby girl. Gonna show ya more today." - He said with a small smile and slowly took off your fuckingly tight bra. It was some time since he saw your boobs for the last time, in the swimming pool. They were really a masterpiece in his eyes, he was really amused, almost childishly fascinated, by the way how they bounced and how the nipples reacted to his thumb or his tongue so fast. And you were about to go crazy.

You saw porn, how the man could blow your back out, fuck you senselessly, slowly, with desire and passion, but this was so... Real. This was like nothing you've ever seen or feel. His tongue felt wet, hot and firm at the same time, your cheeks were rosy and you feel as you slowly began to sweat. Your heartbeat was off the charts.

"Oh my lord." - You whispered quietly as you felt his hot mouth on your boobs but a cold breeze hugged your crotch when your pants and panties slowly disappeared from your body. He was so smooth that he occupied your mind first and then he did what he planned all along. He was a good player. And you wanted to be played with.

So meanwhile his fingers worked wonders on your boobs, his face suddenly disappeared between your legs. At that moment your eyes opened widely and your mouth made an erotic noise. In a contraction you hugged his jaws with your inner thighs tightly, your body was looking like a bow and your face was just like a painting. You looked so beautiful and lovely when he was eating you our, making slow and intense circles around your clit. And his beard?

That worked fucking wonder between your legs. It was teasing you, adding to the final effect. He swayed his tongue faster and faster and you did something you heard is called riding his face, moving your face in his rhythm.

Some warmth began to concentrate inside of you, directly next to the place where he was working on you. It was more and more intense as the time slowly passed, and when you were more and more tensed, your sounds became louder and higher, heavier because you tried to breathe between the sounds.

Your legs on his back trembled and your feet began to curl when you tried to hold that amazing feeling back. And when his finger caressed your outer lips, you just exploded all around his face. You curled into one big ball and tried to breathe it out, but he worked serious wonders on you. And he didn't stop when you yelled his name between the moans, mainly because of you held his face in your crotch.

It was like his mouth was praising you and just made for your little special place, as you called your pussy. He made you brutally cum without even entering you with a finger. You were completely done.

"That was..." - You whispered and your body just relaxed. You closed your eyes and smiled, being completely out of your mind. So that was a drug so-called orgasm and you were sure that Fez can give you many, many of that.

He watched you when he held your thigh when he was kissing it slowly and his eyes were shining. He was wet all over his mouth and beard. But both of you looked equally contented and happy. You slowly caressed his hair as he caressed you with his hand travel, from your knee up to your bum with delicate moves.

"That was fucking unbelievable." - You whispered and only after he was sure that you won't pass out because of the bliss your brain was occupied with, he climbed to look into your eyes and to kiss your lips, giving you a firm tight kiss, again tugging your hair. You hugged his fully clothed body with your, which was completely naked.

"Ya like a monkey." - Fez murmured with a giggle when he kissed a trail down to your earlobe, tugging it with his teeth.

"And you love it." - You murmured back and clothed yourself with a blanket, crawling back to his arms, leaning your forehead into his neck. You were held in his arms as you were slowly drifting off. So that was how it felt like. Physical love.

Yeah, you have had a hand between your legs, but no-one has ever made love to you. This just simply happened, both of you just wanted it, so you didn't stop and just went with the flow. And you felt like a true woman. Even when your virginity was left untouched.

"Why I have never felt this amazing? Where were you hiding that tongue, baby?" - You asked and slowly put your panties and a t-shirt on when Fez got up to fetch you some food. You curled into a ball, still feeling the sensation in the small bungle of nerves a lot, taking a mug from him. As always, he ordered your all-time favorite, hugging your shoulder with his arm as he leaned you into his body, continuing with watching the TV.

"So ya liked it?" - He asked with an amused tone and took a bite from your meal.

"I want you to eat me out all the fucking time." - You whispered with your lips near to his, then you gave him a quick peck on his lips.

"Alrite, just have a bath, eat a little and have some coffee. We can do it again how many times you would like to, we have the whole nite." - Fez told you with a tired smile and you nodded and put the tip of your nose onto his, before watching the TV again.

Fez was a man of his word and his bed was messy and wet from sweat soon, as his head disappeared between your legs more than two other times. When orgasm swayed your hips for the third time that evening, you felt like you're on the edge of Eden, just about to fall down. Your body was tired, hurting in the best kind of pain and you smiled without having a clue about it. He worked up wonders with you.

It was a strange feeling, having your slit wet from his saliva all over it, it felt too wet, too dripping and too gentle. It was unnatural but somehow natural more than anything else in the world. You also found out that your legs were amazingly flexible - Fezco could put your knees on the bed and it didn't hurt at all, which was a serious fucking surprise for you. The hormones made you flexible like a fucking gymnast.

"This is the best feeling in the whole world." - You whimpered as you took a long breath out, still feeling the slight sensation and vibrations between your legs as Fez cleaned the area around his mouth and plushy beard. But it was somehow strange, to smell yourself and taste yourself within his taste. He had a knowing smile on, feeling sure about making his girl feel good. But even though Fez temped himself with making you cum for the one last time.

You felt his fingers ghosting all over your body, and your eyes caught that it is around eleven p.m. But that didn't play a single role in what were you two doing at that moment.

All of a sudden you felt the sensation and slight pain when something has entered you. For you, it was like going through the first time for another round. Slowly, the first finger entered you; it was practically effortless because of how dripping and relaxed you. A moan came out of your body and your fingers circled around his wrist. Fez hovered above you, supporting his head with his palm and watched your face, showing him that you're in the state of bliss and nothing more.

"Hurts?" - He asked and tried to take his fingers out of you, but your palm stopped him. Instead, you were holding his palm in one place and started to slowly press yourself against his hand. You made it a few times before you let his hand go. That was so much sensation, that you hugged the sheets with your hands firmly - to move against something and to feel it move against you was pleasurable, no matter the pain when you started. Both of you knew about some spot inside of you, but you also knew that if you don't find it, you shouldn't make a big deal out of it.

His lips kissed you all over your neck and boobs as you found euphoria in which you wanted to get lost. You knew that it will end not so long from that moment, but if you could do it until the world end, you would. Only slowly you used one of your hands to get yourself off as he continued to finger you. 

“No. No. No. Stop it, baby.” - You whispered when you felt that everything was about to crumble down inside of your body. 

“Did I hurt you, babe?” - Fez asked quietly with fear in his tone and you caught his face to your palms. You hummed into his face when your hand slowly massaged his body with your fingers. He was all tensed up as you grabbed his junk firmly with your palm. 

“Come on, I want all of you. I mean all of you.” - The sound of your desire-filled voice resonated through his bedroom. Your small, gentle body tried to imprinted into his bigger one, your hand continued to hold his dick and you felt as it was getting harder and harder. 

“This ain't no good idea.” - Fez tried to oppose you, trying to get your hand away, but you were very persistent. You two continued with kissing you, his eyes closed and his fingers tried to make you occupied with something different. But before he was able to make you go away, you were straddling his lap. 

You were all naked, your hair was framing your face and your smile was the happiest one that Fez saw on you. Your smooth move made him sit up and you slowly helped him with undressing his sweater. You loved that boy no matter what - he maybe was not the athletic one around, his body had a lot of scars on it, but it was no matter for you. 

For the first time forever, you pressed your naked body onto his, feeling how warm he is. His skin was so smooth to you, it felt like a flame was consuming your whole body. Then you helped him with taking his pants down.

The kiss you had peppered your body with was as smooth as he were, or so you thought. You moved slowly, caressing every inch you could reach with the tips of your fingers, all you wanted was to be one person with him, you wished to just melt into his body, to feel his warmth and love. Slowly, you started to undress his jeans, kissing his pelvis, making small circles on that bone. 

You took everything out of his body, his boxers, his denim jeans, you were making him vulnerable. Fezco was unable to stop you at that moment. Fezco felt weak because of how good you were making him feel. 

And when you licked his shaft down for the first time, the weed made him do a big, happy smile. He loved to give good eating out sessions but even more, he loved to receive a blow job from someone. 

Even tho you were doing it for the first time, you were really good at it. Your mouth was taking a good portion of his dick down until the tip of his hock tickled the entrance to your throat. From the porn, you have watched through you knew that you should play with the second part of his junk to make it way more pleasurable for him. Your mouth was warm and wet so soft that it made him three times harder. 

After a while, you smiled at him, still smoothing his shaft slowly, kissing his upper thigh gently. His face was seriously looking happy, he was on cloud nine. Your nails drugged into his skin harshly. 

“Come here, lover boy.” - The tone of your voice was deep and full of lust. You were on your pills, so you were completely calm about everything. Or at least you hoped that everything will be fine in the end. The feeling of wanting got into you again - the first time, you wanted to be with him. Now, you wanted him to be inside of you.

When you two laid down and snuggled for a bit, you opened your eyes with sudden pain. He took you by surprise. Not that he did a full invasion into your pussy, but it... Somehow hurt when you felt how his dick stretched you.

Without waiting, you put your fingers on his neck, caressing within slow motions. You tried to be calm and of course, he had to feel it when he was almost three inches inside at that point. But you felt like a fucking velvet, hot and wet, being all tight around his dick.

Your lips felt his trying to kiss you, so your head naturally followed Fez as his tongue slipped on your lips, kissing you hungrily with his fingers tangled into your hair. You moaned into his mouth as the rest of him slipped inside, putting your fingers onto his breasts in a slight shock, your legs putting further so his whole ass could take a place between your legs.

As you heard from your friends, the first moves were the most unpleasing, hurting ones. When those were happening, you just firmly closed your eyes, hummed into his lips at high frequency with a wrinkle between your eyebrows.

Your body tried to capture that experience as a whole, the slapping sounds your skin made when his body collided with yours, how strangely warm and sweaty both your bodies were, how strangely soft his skin was yet how tight and firm his muscles were as he pounded into your body with rhythm. It was a sloppy one, a slow one full of desire. His ass was moving steadily and slowly, you started to relax, every muscle inside of you accepted the way he was moving inside of you. 

At that time, you felt that only moaning will not keep him in one place, so you started to talk shily. You parted your lips, taking his cheeks into your palms, making him look you in the eyes. 

“You're doing me so well, baby.” - A whimper came out of your lips between you tried to breathe normally. - “You can go harder. Just like that, just like that.” - You did not expect it to work, but it truly made him go faster and a bit rougher. That made you roll your eyes to the back of your head as your lips parted and another sound came out of your lips. 

“Y/N.” - Fez whispered and his back arched a bit, making him go even deeper and a bit harder. When all of your friends told you about their first time, they told you that it hurts like fuck. But you didn't seem to even notice, the more your legs went wider and wider, the more you felt how pleasurable it was and the wetter and flexible inside. 

You seriously didn't know how long it all have lasted, but somehow you felt how his pace became seriously sloppy. Fezco could feel his body burning, because of how good it all felt, he was on the top of the world. He would swear that he never had sex which was so good. No girl made him feel so good before you and your tight pussy. 

The sweaty drops were running all over his body, down his back to his chest, he lasted for a long, long time. It was more than fifteen minutes, which was a seriously good score. Nails were running down his back when your hard tilted backward with your eyes firmly closed. 

Fezco could feel how your fingers on your clit and his body was curling and tensing as you started to slowly orgasm. You left your second hand on the side of his face and just seconds before cumming all over his cock, your stares connected. And then, you screamed loudly as you began to shake a bit in a blissful state. You were mumbling his name again, again and again like a magical spell mixing it with oh my dear fucking lord.

He was done for in the next seconds. Fezco couldn't even breathe, he slowly collapsed onto your body as he kissed your neck down. Your body was all salty and wet from sweat. You just circled your hands around his back, gently kissing it on the top of his head, playing with his beard. His eyes were closed and he breathed loudly, but you could see a huge smile all over his face. 

“So what do you say?” - Your silent voice whispered. - “How was it like?”

“I have never so fuckin' good in my whole life.” - Fezco said back voicelessly. After that, you just covered yourself in blankets and he almost immediately fell asleep naked, hugging your body in a tight grip with his head on your naked boobs.

One last photo was added to your Instagram story that night. It showed Fezco laying all over your body like a huge, gentle bear, your naked upper thigh was peeking out of your intertwined bodies and your hand was holding his head on its place. 

And you felt safe and loved at that moment. 

[kayah16]

Runaway (3)

Ardian kept replaying the visit his best friend in his head. He may have frowned when he seen her but deep down, he was happy to see her. He missed his pigtails, his best friend. Hugging her felt good to him. But for her to make that long drive from Florida to Mississippi it had to be serious. As soon as she started talking, he knew what his next move was going to be. He couldn’t let his pigtails travel by herself. Even though its been a year since they seen each other he was always going to look out for her.

She didn’t want nobody to know where she was going, and she didn’t even know where she was going. He knew his Grandparents wouldn’t mind her staying there but he was still going to sit them down and talk to them. He also knew his Mama wouldn’t tell when she came to visit but he had to protect his pigtails. So, the days he knew she would be visiting he’ll plan a day for them so she wouldn’t know Hae was there.

Texting her he made sure to tell her not to leave he still knows her and knows how sensitive she is. Hearing a car pull up he knew it was his Grandparents. Laughter hit Ardian’s ears as the door opened and he couldn’t help but to smile everytime he heard his Grandma’s laughter. Somehow his Grandfather was still able to make her laugh and that was cool to him. Footsteps approached the living room area and Ardian turned to look at them.

“I know your ass didn’t throw no parties in my house?”

Laughing Ardian shook his head at his Grandfather, while his Grandmother gave him a knowing look.

“No, he would need friends for that, but I think he may have finally gotten in contact with his pigtails. His face has a certain glow to it and that only happens when he talks about her.”

Ardian gave a nervous chuckle rubbing his hands against his shorts.

“Not only did I get in contact with her but she’s here in Mississippi.”

“Oh? Is she okay?”

“I don’t think so Grandma. She was talking about having to get away from Florida because her family was going to sign her away and put a tube up her nose. She doesn’t even know where she is going.”

Grandpa Jones looked at his Grandson anybody that knew Ardian knew how big his heart was and if he could help, he would. No matter how much he may have frowned or fussed he had a big heart.

“What are you thinking? How do you want to help her?”

“I was wondering if she could stay here. I can’t see her being by herself and she has no clue what she’s doing or where she’s going. I can’t protect her.”

Grandpa Jones already knew his answer, but he wanted to see if him and his wife was on the same page. Which they usually were.

“What do you say Tilda?”

“How long would you like for our Granddaughter to stay here?”

“Until she is ready to go back to Florida. I already know when Mom and Dad come visit, we have to be out the house and that’s not a problem. Please, can she stay here?”

“She can stay here Ardian don’t worry we won’t tell your parents she’s here. Okay?”

Ardian jumped off the sofa to go hug his Grandparents.

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

Grandpa Jones and Grandma Jones laughed hugging their Grandson back who usually hated hugs.

“Go make up the spare bedroom for her then go and get her.”

Grandpa Jones softly instructed his beaming Grandson. Ardian ran off to do what he was instructed to do. Grandma Jones looked at her husband a smile plastered on her face.

“We finally get to meet his pigtails. How long before they get back together?”

Grandpa Jones asked staring at his wife with his own smile plastered on his face.

“It wont take long. They have to see each other every day again, feelings don’t leave that easily. Did you see how his face lit up? His big smile? Only his pigtails does that to him.”

Ardian was in the midst of making up the room when he looked on the dresser to see a picture of him and Haleigh when they were little. He smiled looking at it and just nodded his head. Even if they didn't get back together just her being in his life again was enough for him. 

AN: Fluff. Sucks. Sorry.

[x5red]

Sixty fun & fascinating facts about the classic Supergirl (3 / 4)

Welcome to the third part of this series presenting sixty fascinating facts to celebrate the sixty years since the debut of the classic Supergirl in DC Comics. Ahead are another fun-filled fifteen snippets of trivia about the original intrepid Argo City teen who leapt from that crumpled Midvale rocket ship. Covering her original Silver and Bronze Age incarnation, in comics and on screen, each factoid is calculated to intrigue and delight – hopefully even seasoned Kara fans will find a few morsels of trivia that had previously escaped their attention.

Enjoy...

31. You can actually visit, in real life, the building where she once lived.

While Superman has rarely strayed beyond his fictional base of Metropolis, Supergirl’s adventures have seen her relocate far-and-wide many times. Some of her homes have been fictional, like Midvale and Stanhope, while others have been real-life, like San Francisco and Chicago. But shockingly, not only has the Girl of Steel lived in real locations, but she has even inhabited real addresses.

A panel in Daring New Adventures of Supergirl #4 (Feb 1983) exposes Linda Danvers’ home address as 1537 West Fargo Ave, Chicago – surprisingly, this turns out to be a genuine address. A later issue, #7 (May 1983), reveals that Linda’s apartment number is 12A. The building that’s currently at that location doesn’t correspond with the one drawn by Carmine Infantino, but if you happen to be passing you might want to check if one of the occupants is listed a “Ms. L. Danvers”.

32. The first theatrically released Supergirl movie was in 1973, not 1984.

As outlined in factoid #2 there was an abundant supply of superheroine movies in non-English speaking markets before Helen Slater’s Supergirl. Indeed so incredibly popular are superpowered females in some corners of the globe that, amazingly, there was even an unofficial Girl or Steel movie over a decade before the authorised Salkind-produced one. The film in question starred Pinky Montilla in the main role and was entitled simply Supergirl. Released on 23rd September 1973 into the Filipino market, the movie featured the Maid of Might’s early 70s costume but changed her origin story. Pinky would also play Bat Girl in 1973′s Fight! Batman, Fight! – and we can assume that the producers probably didn’t ask DC for permission to use the Dominoed Daredoll either.

33. She hated her time in Midvale Orphanage.

The Silver Age always presented Kara’s adventures with a naive sense of wonder and amazement; rarely did it seriously address the pain she must have felt at leaving her parents behind to die in Argo City. But comics changed a lot in the two decades after Kara was introduced, and by the time Supergirl’s origin was retold in Daring New Adventures of Supergirl #1(Nov 1982) a very different spin was put on things. As Kara travels to begin a new life in Chicago, she reflects back on her tragic beginnings as a superhero, including the painful loss of her parents and her feelings of starting over in Midvale: “I was a real stranger in a very strange land! With nowhere else to go, Superman had no choice but to place me in Midvale Orphanage under the name Linda Lee.”, she recalls, before concluding solemnly, “I hated it!”

34. She was a reluctant hero, often feeling out of place on Earth.

One theme that reoccurred during the Bronze Age adventures of Supergirl is how Kara felt at odds with her career as a superhero, and out-of-place on Earth. A story in Superman Family #168 (Dec 1974) demonstrates this more than most, as it brings together three troubled women with extraordinary powers. Supergirl joins her friend Lena Luthor (who has ESP) in an attempt to help Jan Thurston (who has telepathy) come to terms with her unusual powers.

After rescuing a suicidal Jan, Supergirl wins her trust by recounting her own sad journey from Argo City to Earth, explaining that at first she enjoyed the novelty of her superpowers, but quickly came to see them as a barrier. “I’m the mightiest girl on Earth -- and the loneliest!”, she laments, “There’s not a guy on the planet who can keep up with me... Not a single girl can get close enough to be my friend! Sometimes I think I’d much rather have stayed on Argo City!” But Kara goes on to outline how she overcame those feelings: “People like us aren’t different!”, she explains, “We’re just... special!”

35. She planned to start a family, until Kal-El intervened.

In the Bronze Age, DC writers clearly felt free to explore introspective ideas with Kara that likely weren’t possible with her famous cousin. One short story, tucked in the back of Superman Vol. 1 #282 (Dec 1974), demonstrated this more than any other. Kal-El travels to Florida, Kara’s then home, to confront her about suggestions that she may give up her superhero career. “This life of a super-heroine takes up too much of my time... Sets me apart from everyone else!”, she explains. “I want an ordinary life -- with a husband and children some day... Free to do what I choose!”

Naturally her straight-laced cousin isn’t too keen on this idea. He spins Kara a yarn from ancient Krypton folklore, the moral of the story being that she should be careful what she wishes for. “So you see, Kara”, he explains, “sometimes, when we get the things we think we want most... they turn out to be a curse rather than a blessing!” In light of this, Kara reconsiders her plans.

36. Wonder Woman designed one of her costumes.

As most fans know one of the few weaknesses the Man and Girl or Steel share is a vulnerability to magic; so when Adventure Comics #397 (Sep 1970) saw Kara go up against a powerful black magic cult, it was perhaps no surprised to find her badly beaten and her costume shredded. Luckily Wonder Woman was in her mod Emma Peel phase at the time, posing (in-between bouts of super heroics) as the owner of a fashion boutique. Reaching into the racks of clothes at her shop, Diana produces a completely redesigned Supergirl outfit befitting the fashions of the period, which Kara eagerly adopts. (Readers were left wondering whether Diana had redesigns of other hero costumes at the ready, or was Supergirl a special case?)

37. Her mom(s) designed two of her costumes.

Every Supergirl fan knows that Kara’s original costume was designed by her mother, Alura, so that the teenager would be recognised immediately by the Man of Steel when she arrived on Earth. But few may remember that her mid-80s costume, the headband affair she wore going into Crisis on Infinite Earths, was also designed by her mother -- her other mother. Kara’s 80s costume was design by Edna Danvers, her adopted mother on Earth, who (it seemed) was in the habit of whiling away the long dark evenings in Midvale by sketching possible costume designs for her superhero daughter.

38. She’s a fan of recycling her clothes.

The Maid of Might has had many costumes over the years -- or rather, she’s had one costume that she’s recycled over and over since the early 70s. In Adventure Comics #407 (June 1971) a new invulnerable costume was given to Kara by the folks in the Bottle City of Kandor after her original Argo City outfit had been destroyed some months before. A dedicated follower of fashion, over the coming months Kara went through a succession of wild and wacky outfits, some lasting only one issue, before finally settling on her famous hot pants attire for the majority of the 1970s. One might have assumed that somewhere in the Fortress of Solitude there was a wardrobe packed full of retired red and blue super-duds, but Supergirl Vol. 2 #13 (Nov 1983) revealed Kara’s secret -- when it comes time to upgrade her outfit, Kara unravels her old costume at super-speed and and re-weaves the resulting ball of thread into the new design.

39. Demi Moore was the director’s first choice to play Lucy Lane in the Supergirl movie.

The casting net for the title role in 1984′s Supergirl was spread far-and-wide. Director Jeannot Szwarc asked casting agent Lynn Stalmaster to search the whole globe for candidates who could not only act, but withstand the physically and mentally pressure of training for the demanding stunts and wire work. One candidate, apparently, was Demi Moore, who didn’t get the Girl of Steel role but was considered perfect for Kara’s best friend, Lucy Lane. Director Jeannot Szwarc recalled in a 1999 interview, “I met tons of girls. I remember one of the girls was Demi Moore. She was very young and had a great voice. I wanted to use her for the room mate.” But it seems fate had other plans for Ms Moore, as Szwarc explained, “She would have been [perfect], but she was going to Brazil to do a movie with Michael Caine.“ (Moore played Caine’s daughter in Stanley Donen’s rom-com, Blame It on Rio.)

40. One of her rarest appearances is from 1981, only a couple of pages long, but sells for $75+.

If there was a competition to find the rarest publication with an original Supergirl story, Danger on Parade / Le Danger Guette would surely be hot favourite for top place. This tiny comic, just eighteen panels long, was given away inside packets of breakfast cereals in Canada. It features an abbreviated adventure pitting Supergirl against Winslow Schott, aka the Toyman, in the pair’s only pre-Crisis encounter. Runner-up in the rarity stakes would likely go to the Super A and Super B booklet sets produced by Warner Books in 1977 for use in classrooms. The sets didn’t feature original stories however, but reprints with simplified speech balloons designed to teach reading skills.

41. She first met Kal-El years before she landed on Earth.

Gimmick story lines were the order of the day for Silver Age DC, and what better way to create an attention-grabbing dime-baiting cover than to arrange a bizarre crossover -- such was the case with Action Comics #358 (Jan 1968), which saw a very youthful Kara Zor-El in Argo City meet Superboy. The story is predictable fare: in deep space Superboy is scooped-up by one of Zor-El’s science probes, which brings him back to Argo City. Naturally Kara is the first one to discover the probe’s accidental passenger, and (naturally!) Kal-El has suffered memory loss that blots out his life on Earth. Kal and Kara become firm friends over the coming days, until (naturally!) the plot contrives to wipe her memory of him, and restore his memory of Earth.

42. Lena Luthor was the only friend who knew her secret identity.

In the 2015 Supergirl tv show, famously, everyone seems to know (or have known at some point) Supergirl’s secret identity... except Lena Luthor. Bronze Age DC Comics, however, were very very different: Lena first met Kara in Action Comics #295 (Dec 1962), using the name Lena Thorul to hide her connections to brother Lex. Instantly she became firm friends with both Supergirl and Linda Danvers, requiring Kara to work extra hard to stop Lena from realising they are one in the same. The deception finally ended in Superman Family #211 (Oct 1981) when Lena confessed to Kara that she’d worked out her dual identity. This made Lena the only ever friend of Linda Danvers who shared her secret. Sadly it didn’t last long, as by Superman Family #214 (Jan 1982) Lena had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which affected her memory.

43. She didn’t put the “Kara” into Karaoke.

Over the years Supergirl has exhibited some remarkable super skills, including super ventriloquism, incredible memory, and even the ability to read minds, but one skill that she seemingly lacks is any kind of musical aptitude. Despite the modern day tv Supergirl claiming to put the Kara into Karaoke, her comic strip counterpart didn’t ever appear to sing (not even in the shower!) What’s more, as she confesses in the pages of Adventure Comics #409 (Aug 1971), she doesn’t play any musical instruments either.

44. She’s was no stranger to tragedy even before she left Argo City.

Very few Silver or Bronze Age stories dealt with Kara’s life in Argo City, but one story that gave some idea of how she filled her time appeared in the pages of Action Comics #371 (Jan 1969), when a very young Kara is shown witnessing the cruel death of her best friend, Morina. The pair are innocently playing the game Zoomron, involving the throwing a Frisbee-like disc (the Zoomron) at a target. Chasing an erratic disc Morina tumbles into a crevice filled with Kryptonite, and a tearful Kara can only stand and watch as her friend succumbed to the deadly rays.

45. The Supergirl movie was almost entirely filmed in the UK.

Most fans know that Superman I and II owe a lot to Pinewood Studios in Buckinghamshire, northwest of London, so it is no surprise that 1984′s Supergirl returned to use the same studio complex. But while Superman complimented its studio shots with exteriors filmed in New York (Metropolis) and Alberta, Canada (Smallville), Supergirl’s production stayed firmly within the UK. Locations included the banks of Loch Moidart on the west coast of highland Scotland, the Royal Masonic School for Girls in Hertfordshire, and Black Park Lake near the Pinewood soundstage in Buckinghamshire. Shockingly, even downtown Midvale was actually a huge sprawl of street facades constructed as a backlot set at Pinewood -- the 22 days it took to shoot the tractor rescue sequence was allegedly due to the notoriously fickle British weather.

That’s all for part three. The final part, with even more extra-juicy Kara Zor-El trivia, will be available soon.

[revancheofthecommas]

Yearbooks from the 70s, pt. 2

I found my mom’s yearbooks from 1978 (her Junior year) and 1979 (her Senior year) and they are fascinating to say the least, in part because she grew up in a small, backwoods town.

I’m going to share some of the best life goals from the Senior classes (1979):

“To make the most of whatever I get in life (and to see the ocean).

To be happy and never feel alone.

To become a successful lawyer and to be happy with my life.

To be an art therapist.

To go to college in Conn., last through law school, to be successful and happy.

To get my diploma and get out of this town for good.

To publish stories.

To become a model.

To marry Fran, finish school, go on and become a cosmetologist.

To find Nirvana, transcend restrictive materialistic views and to complete search for truth on a small 5,000 acre ranch in Texas.

To be a great artist, breed bricks of gold, learn electricity.

To own a Porsche, make it through college.

To be wealthy and someday visit Europe.

To live in the Rocky Mountains.

To be an environmental scientist, or work in a similar field.

To retire.

To make it through at least another year of school, to become something better.

Marine biologist, life long and happy.

Not necessarily to be “successful,” but just happy.

To be well-off and have fun.

To own a van, get married, travel, be a handyman, get more friends.

To get as far away from this town as possible.

To be able to speak many different languages.

To live life slowly and to its fullest.

To become a successful computer programmer.

To be a rock drummer.

To be a professional firefighter after a career in the Air Force and to succeed to my own standard of life.

To become an Elementary Physical Education teacher, to be happy and enjoy life.

To live happily in a house of my own.

To be happy, own a riding stable, work at a race track.

To get out of school, but go to college.

To own my own store.

To go to school and live in Florida, to quit smoking.

Happiness.

To pursue a career in business and to share my life with someone special.

To master the art of patience, to marry Mel, to smile always.

To live forever or die trying.

To be a plumber.

To take in as much good music as I can and meet as many people as I can before my time is through.

To be happy, live in a log cabin.

To go to college and learn everything about special education that I can.

Undecided.

To have money, a good job, and a happy life.

Auto body technician.

To be a licensed hairdresser and cosmetician.

To be a millionaire.

Graduate from college, never get married.

To understand the unknown.

To make it through and come out on top.

To play Pro soccer.

To enjoy.

To be a nurse, to life life to its fullest.

To be happy in whatever I do, to play in the PGA tour.

Not sure at the moment.

Elementary education, to become rich!

To get out of the Navy, fast, and own a cattle ranch.

To be a mechanic, to be my own boss.

To find true meaning in life, to be free, to own a house on a lake.

To sell decorative bathroom fixtures.

To achieve some of those hopes and dreams that are locked deep inside.

To own a Jaguar XJ-S that will beat a turbo carrera.

To find it.

To own a Mercedes before Sam, have many adventures.

To make it in music, to be happy, to be a friend to anyone who needs one.

Logger, big house.

To work with handicapped children, especially the blind and deaf.

Not only to achieve what is expected of myself by others, but also the goals of my inner self.

To teach art, to be rich.

To gain 40 pounds.

To be myself and nothing more.

To live a hassle-free life and return as a mushroom.

To cease my personal war and have serenity within myself.

To be a music therapist.

To become President of General Motors.

Flight Engineer, Pilot, Parachutist, Air Traffic Control.

To surround my life with Theatre, and let it take me wherever it may.

To build a high performance car.

To own a used car lot.

To become a person, and lead my life right.

To be happy, own a Corvette, live in a log cabin.

To conquer the world’s greatest fears with a smile ... To pursue my musical career as a pianist enough so Liberace can finally retire!

Master Electrician.

To be married on schedule in July and to start my own Humane Shelter someday.

Electronics Technician or related occupations.

To be a Polish Prince.

To be able to return back to my home.

Go to plenty of concerts, get a Trans Am.

To see the whole U.S.A., to teach Special Ed.

To visit Ireland, to have a family, to be happy.

To work with children, to enjoy life and living.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #165

“if you’re in danger, i’m here to save ya.”

Do you own a water gun? No. What item most embarrasses you to purchase? I wouldn't really know, I haven't bought much for myself... but I suppose probably some kind of sex toy. Favorite thing you’ve ever painted? Two meerkats grooming. It's on a huge thing of burlap. Are there any songs that remind you of your mother? "Wherever I May Roam" by Metallica, because she aaaalways says she wants the lyrics "my body lies, but still I roam" on her urn. I'm making goddamn sure that happens when she passes. Have you ever picked wild flowers? Yes. Have you ever walked through a forest? Yeah. Have you ever seen a mountain in person? Yes. Do you prefer jam or butter on your biscuits? Jam. Have you ever explored somewhere abandoned? Yes, but I wanna do it morrreee! Take my camera with me! This is exactly why I'm getting into exploration channels on YouTube, finding shit like this. I'm addicted to Sam & Colby because of this. Where is the last place you went to as a tourist? Chicago. What country do you most want to travel to? Germany. Do you have a garden? No. Have you ever kept a physical, hand-written journal? Yeah. Have you ever caught a butterfly in your hands? I know I've picked up injured ones as a kid, dunno about otherwise. Are there any interesting landmarks where you live? Not that I can think of. Which fairytale is your favorite? I'mma throw hands if you say Shrek isn't one. Which mythological deity or creature is your favorite? Dragons. Which type of muffin is your favorite? Chocolate chip. What is your favorite shade of blue? Pastel. Do you prefer iced tea or hot tea? Iced coffee or hot coffee? Hate both. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? Nooo, not a fan. Honestly, have you ever crashed a party before? No. Do you know how to do the moon walk? No. What is one of your favorite comedy movies? White Chicks. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yeah. Onion rings or french fries? The latter. I am /picky/ with onion rings, but usually don't like them. Has anybody ever told you that you talk too fast? I've been told so when I'm hyper. Who is the best cook that you know? I don't know. I guess Jason was? His initial career path was chef, and he was in fact great at it. What’s the largest amount that you can juggle at one time? I can't juggle. What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid? Swing. Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much? 7-something pounds? When you do a puzzle do you find all the edges first? Do some people not??? (If you sleep with the tv on) what’s usually on tv when you wake up? N/A Who was the last person to ask you to hang out? Did you agree to hang out with them? Colleen, and no. Have you ever had to take a stool or urine test? Why did you have to do this? I've had way too many UTIs because I used to drink literally zero water, so. Before my surgery, they needed a sample too to ensure I wasn't pregnant. Is there a food that you eat basically every day? What food is that? No. Do you have Oovoo? No. Do you know anyone who has ever been in a movie? Who and what movie were they in? What was their part? No. Do you know anyone who has had salmonella? Did you ever have it yourself? What about e coli? No. When was the last time you brought a pet to the vet? What was wrong with it? Last winter when we had to put Cali down. A tumor on her spleen ruptured and filled her body with so much blood that she almost couldn't breathe as her lungs were running out of room to expand. She also had some kind of mass on her liver that was probably causing more issues. Name something that you used to do with your family that you no longer do with them or at all: Trick-or-treating. Who was the last member of your extended family to visit? Where were they visiting from? Grammy and her husband. They were heading back down to Florida. Have you bought any new clothes in the past week? Nope. At what age do you think you’ll be ready to have children? Never. If I wanted kids, mid-20s/late-20s, probably. How many children would you like? Once more, if, two, or even just one. I'd really want my child to have a sibling at least somewhat near in age, but I don't know if I could handle two. Is there anyone in your friendship group that your parents don’t like? Not anymore. Have your grandparents ever asked you about your love/sex life? No. Have you ever been diagnosed with anything unexpected, mental or physical illness? How did you finally find out? Hm... I think everything I've had was at least somewhat expected. Like, I knew something was wrong. The most surprising though was I suppose inactive MRSA after my surgery and the incision re-opened to heal on its own for seven damn months. ACTUALLY, vertigo was random as hell. I started experiencing it and went to the doc. Where do you like to sit when you’re on the computer? In bed. What is the biggest decision you’ve made in the past year? Return back to school. Would you rather hike through the desert, the prairies, the forest, or the tundra? The prairies. If you could reconnect with someone from your past, who would it be and why? Megan. We were absolute best friends, and hopefully she's grown up by now. What movie/show "emotionally scarred" you as a kid? Courage The Cowardly Dog. Watched it anyway lmao. What’s your favorite flavor of jello? Strawberry, probably. Have you ever been thrown out of the movies? No. What would you do if you found out you were moving to Tennessee? I wouldn't complain, Tennessee is beautiful. My brother lives there anyway, and I haven't seen him in years. What does your favorite hair tie/accessory look like? I don't wear any. Do you have a favorite kind of milk? 2%, whole, etc? 2%, maybe. Do you have a favorite drummer? No. Are there any symbols that have personal meaning to you? i.e: dice, a necklace, etc. What are they? Not off the top of my head. What’s the biggest spider you’ve come across? Writing spiders. Have you ever been bitten by anything venomous? No. Do you know anyone who has been knighted? No. Which Mario game would you say is your favorite? That is, if you even like Mario? I've only really played Mario Kart. The others don't interest me. Do you have a deviantART account? Yes. Have you ever had acne? If not, you’re so lucky. I did through puberty, of course. Mine was rough then. It stopped when I was about 19. Now I just have the occasional blemish or two when I'm on my period. Ever walked into a facility of the opposite gender - like restrooms? I did once in elementary school on a work day (teachers come to get shit done; Mom was an assistant teacher) with my friends lol. Ever lost your car in the parking lot? If so, did you use your car alarm to find it again? Don't have my own car. I don't even know if Mom's ever had a car with an alarm. Has there ever been a Christmas where you had to do without gifts-wise? No. Do you type with capital letters and proper punctuation? So this is super weird: It's actually whatever I find aesthetically pleasing wherever it's being written, as well as what "voice" sounds more appropriate??? But I usually write properly. Honestly, do you think that you’re going to be an overprotective parent? Hypothetically once again, I know I would be. The world's evil. What was the last kind of chips you ate? Hot fries. What is one thing that you really wish you could understand, but don’t? Economics so I could actually know how the fuck to handle money. What brings out the worst in you? Treating me like a child that knows nothing. How many friends do you have that don’t smoke? Idk. There's only one friend I see even rarely, and he doesn't though. Doesn’t it drive you nuts when people think they ‘need’ to have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes. You need to learn that you're not an unfinished puzzle. You're complete on your own. Some people were really destructive as a child, were you? No. On average, how many songs do you listen to in a day? This greatly varies. Do you ever buy your pet(s) birthday or Christmas presents? Always. Do you think your current relationship will last forever? No exaggeration, no over-optimistic thinking, yes. One thing you promised yourself you’d never do and then did? Attempt suicide. Are you more scared of going to the doctors or dentists? Doctors. Have you ever rolled off your bed in your sleep? No. Who is the most overrated singer? Uhhh. I dunno. Maybe Ed Sheeran. What is your greatest weakness? I guess how insecure I am. Do you have any pets that you had since you were born? No. Favorite undersea creature? Seahorses. Favorite type of chocolate? Milk. What toys did you play with as a child? Plastic animals, Pokemon figures, Barbies or Bratz if Nicole wanted to, stuffed animals... What types of music do you listen to? Loads of different kinds of metal. I'm finding I'm really getting into indie as well. What, without fail, makes you cry? Mark crying for any reason be it sadness or joy I am pathetic. What makes a movie really enjoyable for you? Well thought-out, interesting plots and charismatic characters. Name a game you are really good at. Shadow of the Colossus. The most childish part of your personality? I can occasionally be a bit of a brat if something I'm serious about doesn't go my way oops. What did you last put on a piece of toast? Butter, cinnamon, and sugar. Have you ever witnessed a serious physical fight? No. Do you enjoy corn on the cob? YES, though my lip ring makes it a pain. Have you ever bought alcohol or cigarettes for someone underage? No. If you use Snapchat, have you ever had a screenshot taken of you? N/A When in a waiting room, how do you pass the time? Mess around on my phone. Usually wander through Pinterest. What was the last brutally honest comment you made about someone? I'm not sure. What is your favorite thing to do with just one friend? Go out to eat and talk. Have you ever been kissed under the mistletoe? By who? Jason may have, but I don't remember. Are you prone to paranoia? YUP. Has anyone ever bought you a ring? Mom and Jason. Accidentally dropped the one Mom gave me down the drain semi-recently, then Jason's broke within a few weeks. Kept the jewel for a while but eventually threw it out. What was the most stressful project you had so far while in school? Jesus, when I was still in a game design class and we had to read the most fucking boring book and then do some analysis shit of it. Who in your family are you closest to? Mom. In your opinion, what is the scariest natural disaster? Earthquakes, maybe. Or tornadoes. What time of the day is the best for you? I'm usually in my best mood in the morning. Do you have an electric toothbrush? No. Have you ever had to board up your windows because of a hurricane? No. What do you think about employers checking on personal sites before hiring employees? Sometimes I actually think it's a good idea, other times no??? Like you can get important details of someone by looking at what they post, but at the same time, social media doesn't always portray someone that well. You can get the wrong idea. Have you ever visited anyone in a rehab? No. Ice in your drink: yes or no? No. Do you prefer getting money, gift cards, or an actual gift on your birthday? Money. When was the last time you got a new bed? Is your bed comfy? Long time ago, and I guess. What was the last job you applied for? Ummm I'm not sure. Oh, I think for newborn photography. Do you have any mild food allergies? No. Who was the last person you were with that smelled REALLY good? My younger sis. Last person to make you seriously mad? Colleen. How is your mom? Stressed, always. Do you like going through old photos and recalling memories? Depends on the picture. And time. What movie coming out are you most excited to see? Why? The live-action The Lion King because it's my favorite movie. What song really gets to your heart and inspires you? "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy. Do you see a lot of stray animals around your home? No. Do you have fireflies around where you live, or do you wish you did? In the area, yes, but we don't really see them in my yard much. Did you used to do Easter egg hunts when you were a child? Yes. Have you ever bought anybody a mug? Omg, I found one that said, "Be nice, I'm in control of your happy pills" in this random store once and I HAD to get it for my psychiatrist. He's not supposed to accept presents, so we just pretended it was from mom lol. He has it on his desk. Do you believe in divorce? In cases such as abuse, infidelity, or other pretty serious issues, yes, but I usually don't advise divorce. Communicate like mature adults and fix what you got married for. Who taught you the most valuable lesson in life and what was that lesson? "Deal with the past or the past deals with you," maybe. My Holly Hill teacher taught me a million lessons that greatly affected my outlook on many components to a healthy life. Have you ever fallen into a hole or crevice whilst hiking? While getting to fishing spots with Dad, my foot may have slipped through rocks or something. Have you ever had a serious conversation with your dad? One that I remember. He took me out to lunch one day when I was still struggling with Jason to just talk to me about relationship stuff. I cherish that memory dearly. In YOUR eyes, which of the three is the most dangerous, and which is the least: Marijuana, Alcohol, Cigarettes? Alcohol, then I'm not sure. Marijuana has a lot of dangers people like to ignore, but then again, it has some health benefits while cigs have none. What is the nerdiest thing that you own? Probably the big Illidan poster I have beside my bed lul. What is the preppiest thing that you own? *shrug* If you are popular, have you ever wondered what it would be like to have no friends? What do you think it might be like? I already just about have none, and it's lonely as fuck. If you are a loner, have you ever wondered what it would be like to be popular? What do you think it might be like? No. I don't seek popularity, just not such a lack of company. Every tattoo has a story behind it; if you have any, what are the stories behind yours? My semicolon butterfly is tribute to both the butterfly and semicolon projects. "Ohana" is obvious. "How rare and beautiful it is to even exists" just speaks deeply to me as someone who wanted to die for years. "Perfectly flawed" also means a lot to me and comes from an Otep song of the same name. "You're awful... I love you!" written in Sara's handwriting I adore because we pretty much call each other evil all the damn time all the while loving each other. :') Who do you know that has a particularly funny or annoying laugh? HA ME I HATE IT. Is there anything you do that is annoying to your friends or family? Oh, I'm sure. I'm told all the time by people to make myself at home when I'm at someone else's house standing like a statue, for one. I do this sooo much, even a bit at my sister's house when it comes to wanting a drink or something. My pacing makes people anxious, I'm told constantly. Sure there's more. What is the most number of sodas that you have drank in one day? I. DON'T WANT. TO KNOW. Until two-three months ago, I lived mostly off soda, and I do NOT know how I didn't gain weight from it. Now I absolutely refuse to go past two, but usually only get one. The idea of drinking as much as I did almost makes me nauseous. Have you ever gone through a period of mass weight-gain/weight-loss? What was that time like for you? Well first Paxil made me gain weight, but I quit it and did WiiFit all summer and lost 40 pounds. I was so proud of myself. Then, I was put on Abilify when I had no need to be, and let's not say how much it made me gain because my then-doctor was a fucking idiot that thought I was doing something terribly wrong and kept me on it, not knowing the side effects. :^) My current psychiatrist was lost entirely as to why I'd been prescribed it, and he immediately connected my weight gain to it because it *murders* metabolism. Was taken off it immediately, boom, started to melt weight with no change to my diet for quite a while. I'm still far from my normal weight. I could write a novel on how this was/is for me, but I'll just say I'm bitter as fuck and ~so~ confident in my shit body. (: If you have one, do you and your significant other have a similar taste in music? Yes. Longest plane ride you’ve ever been on? I'm sure to Michigan, but I don't remember how long it was. I was a kid. Favorite kind of bean? I absolutely loathe beans. I can't even swallow them. If you had to move to another country, where would you move? Canada, realistically. I'd love to live in Germany, but that would be much different from where I am now and would require learning an entire new language. I like Canada anyway. Does it bother you when people call you ‘ma'am’ or 'sir?’ No, it's polite...? Did you partake in senior skip days? Yup. Would you ever consider having an abortion? If my life was endangered, yes, and if - God forbid - I was raped, I possibly would because of how scarring that would be. I've said before I think pregnancy would legitimately be traumatic to me, and if it was because of that, I couldn't even begin to imagine. Have you ever lived in an apartment before? I've told the Jason & co. story before. I also stayed with Colleen for at least a month when I was technically homeless, and she was in an apartment then. Have you ever been questioned by the police? No. Have you ever been to an amusement park out of state? Yeah. Have you ever been responsible for someone’s death? Yeesh, no. Do you know a lot about serial killers? No. Have the police ever been looking for you? HAHAHAHA YES. When I went to the beach one time, my sister, a friend, and I went walking along the shore one night and apparently Mom didn't hear us mention it. Freaked the fuck out and called them to find us. Sorry, Mom. Where do you get most of your accessories from? *shrugs* Maybe HotTopic? Do you know how to shoot a gun and hit a target? No. Are you a good listener? It's complicated. I try very hard to be, but even with people I seriously care about, my mind can wander. But I really try. What was the last bad thing to happen to you? Serious, continuous loneliness. The last good thing to happen to you? I guess finding out I don't have hypoglycemia. Do you think today’s youth is being corrupted/messed up because of TV? It depends on what they watch. Some things they of course shouldn't see, but people tend to take it too far. Have your parents supported every decision you’ve made? I'm sure they haven't. Do you like to listen to rock music/screamo music when you’re angry/upset? Lol did you really just group rock and screamo up???? I'm pretty much always listening to metal or rock. I don't like purely screamo. Are you embarrassed to tell your parents you love them around your friends? Not at all. It bothers me immensely when it does bother people. What’s your favorite sappy/romantic song? Shit, I dunno. I'm a sucker for a lot. Do you know anyone who has changed their first name? Not legally, to my knowledge. Which one of your senses would you be the most devastated to lose? Sight. Hearing almost ties it. Have you ever dated someone who posted a ton of selfies on social media? No, but why does that matter??? Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived? I don't think so. Do your parents have a strong relationship together? They're divorced. Mom fucking hates Dad, while he's totally over it. When was the last time you attended a religious service of any sort? Well over a year ago. Do you ever feel like you're sharing too much about yourself online? Eh, nah. Are you on good or bad terms with your most recent ex? Good. What was the last necklace you wore? A spiked choker. Have you ever read any of Charles Darwin's works? No. If there was such a thing as a mental health first aid kit, what would you want to be in it? Oh boy. I'd say it'd be personal to each person. Do you think there are more dimensions than what we're able to perceive? Maybe. What was the last carbonated drink you had? I think Mtn. Dew. Does anyone in your family have schizophrenia? Yes, my half-sister. What light in your house was the last to have a bulb burn out? Living room. Have you ever been fired? If so, did you get unemployment benefits? No. Never really worked long enough to be. Do any of your neighbors have loud children? No. Have you ever been in an abandoned house? No, we were too scared to go past the doorway lol. What's your favorite YouTube channel? UM Markiplier????????????????????? Do you go to church? No. If so, what denomination is it?  N/A What is your favorite thing to make wishes on? Just birthday candles. Don't believe that does anything, but. C'mon, you gotta. What is your favorite phase of the moon? Full, duh!! What is your favorite way to get high, if applicable? N/A Which name do you like best: Cora, Flora, Dora, or Laura? Laura. If applicable, what is your favorite version of the Bible to read? N/A Are you contemplating/debating something right now? No. Have you ever had a book completely come unbound from its cover? Childhood books, probs. What design is on your shower curtain? Blue and white waves, I think?? I clearly pay attention to something I see every day. What’s the highest you can count in a different language? To like a million in German. Where would you like to be buried? Cremate me, please. Have you ever seen a ghost orb picture? Quiiite a lot in our old house. Do you think abortion should be illegal? No. Do you know how to double-dutch? I did as a kid. I couldn't jump into it, though.

[artificialqueens]

Here I Go Again! (Group Fic) - Epilogue (Finale!) - pureCAMP

A/N - at long last she is done and she is here and she is the dancing queen young and sweet only seventeen

In all honesty, Trixie wasn’t sure she was going to go on a honeymoon at first. As she planned the wedding with her mom, the only thing on her mind was that her mom would struggle to cope. Trixie was in no position to be gallivanting off to the four corners of the world, seeing and exploring because of her frivolous dreams. She was old enough to know that money was tight, the workload was excessive and Sharon would struggle to complete it all without Trixie’s help. 

Of course, she could never say it out loud. She’d planned a honeymoon just so that her mom didn’t question her. Sharon would be mortified if she knew that Trixie had actually planned to stay at home after the wedding, and continue her work. She’d insist that Trixie went out to see the world, found a home elsewhere - but Trixie just knew she couldn’t.

It wasn’t fair.

But things changed on the day of the wedding. With Trixie unmarried, and Sharon now married, she didn’t see why she couldn’t travel the world. Her mom had someone to care for her, even if she swore up and down that she didn’t need to be taken care of. It was no secret that she worked too much, and he could make her take a break. Additionally, they’d want some privacy for a honeymoon of their own - which was the least that Trixie could do for them.

So, with bright smiles and teary eyes, Trixie and Brian sailed away from the island she’d grown up on, heading for the musty airport that would take them all over the world.

They saw America, from California to Texas to Florida to New York. They made their way through South America, visiting the beaches and cities in Brazil and Argentina and Peru and Mexico. They toured Europe, starting in Scotland and making their way round to Ireland, back to Wales and then to England, to France and Spain and Portugal and Germany, moving further and further across the map. Trixie could hardly name all the places they’d been to, the things they’d seen. To her, it was a jumble of new places and new sights and new people and new experiences.

Brian somehow retained everything, which Trixie loved. He rattled off random facts about the cities they had walked through, hand in hand whether it was raining or sunny. He’d even gone to the extent of buying a huge world map, marking the places they’d been with little hearts. To anyone who asked, they were on an unofficial honeymoon. Everything was perfect.

“I miss my mom. Does that make me childish?” Trixie asked one night. She was already in the hotel bed, tucked up to her chin under the thick sheets, waiting for Brian to finish brushing his teeth. When he came in, flashing a pure-white smile, he shook his head.

“No way. I miss your mom too.” He replied, deadly serious. “You’ve written to her, though. At least you know she’s not worrying too much about you.”

Trixie sighed. “Yeah. You’re right. I just wish she could write back, you know? But it takes so long for my letters to arrive from wherever the hell we are when I write them, and then by the time she responds we could be anywhere else! I want to know how she’s doing.”

“Well, judging by your nosy snooping, I’m sure she’s doing just fine with her new beau.”

After Brian had been told the full story - the diary, the three guys, Sharon’s story - he seemed quite amused by the whole situations. Letting him read the diary had definitely been a mistake, though. He thought it was absolutely hilarious, and whilst reading about your mom’s sexual escapades in hopes of finding your dad is one thing, reading it with your boyfriend whilst he laughs is another thing entirely.

“Gross, Brian. You promised not to talk about my mom like that!” Trixie told him off, shoving him as he climbed into bed. Grinning, he wrapped his arms around her tightly, clinging like koala as she struggled.

“I promise not to promise things, such as myself to you and talking about your mom.” Brian said. “Hey, we’re not out here much longer. This is our last week, then you get to see her again.”

For a while, there was a peaceful silence. Trixie had almost fallen asleep until Brian interrupted it.

“Do you think Sharon married Justin because she loves him, or because he’s your dad?”

Trixie rolled over. “Both. We don’t know for sure, but we both… we both think it’s him. And it’s clear how much she loved him then and loves him still.”

Things felt calm. Their previous drama and stress was over. Trixie had seen things she’d never dreamt of seeing in her lifetime, that were worlds apart from the sandy beaches and simple life of her home. Though she missed it dearly, things felt good. As she fell asleep, in the last week of her honeymoon, she dreamt of a happy family, reunited on the Greek shores.

On their flight home, however, Trixie didn’t fall asleep to happy dreams as she had most nights on their trip. A childish excitement had stirred up ever since they’d boarded the plane, with the knowledge that soon enough, she’d be home again. Having grown up alone, Sharon was a combination of a mom, a sister and a best friend, rolled into one. Trixie missed her beyond belief.

With Brian fast asleep on her shoulder, Trixie had alternated between reading her book - a strangely exciting story detailing the love, loss and drama of a new political figure - and making small talk to the old lady sat beside her.

They’d chatted mundanely for a few hours, partially because Trixie felt bad for her. She was clearly travelling alone, with a sad look on her face. At a guess, Trixie would put her at mid-seventies. Her grey hair was swept into an elegant, but slightly dated bun, and was mostly grey. Despite her morose expression, she had a kind face and spoke in a friendly manner, introducing herself as Joan.

“So, what’s bringing you to Greece?” She asked.

Trixie glanced over at Brian, peacefully sleeping, and smiled to herself. “Coming home from a vacation. It’s a pretty long story, but it was kind of a not-honeymoon. What about you?”

Joan sighed quietly. “Returning home, too.”

“Oh, whereabouts in Greece do you live? The mainland?”

“Not… quite.” She said uneasily. “I don’t live there, not anymore. I used to, a long time ago, but unfortunately this time, I’m being brought back by a tragedy, if you will.”

Trixie furrowed her brow. “I’m so sorry, I hope you’re okay.”

For a moment, Joan was silent, frowning to herself. Something about the look on her face was incredibly familiar, but Trixie had no idea why. As far as she knew, she had never met this woman in her life until now. Yet somehow, there was a lingering sense of familiarity.

“I’ll tell you this: you’re young, and you can learn from my mistakes.” Joan turned, staring straight at Trixie. “Teach yourself to forgive. Someone I loved dearly made a mistake once, and I didn’t forgive them. My… My husband’s recent passing has made me realize that life is short and can easily be wasted. I have a fear now that it may be too late to forgive this person, or that quite rightly they won’t forgive me. Learn it young, and don’t make my mistake.”

Trixie nodded thoughtfully. She wanted to further comfort the old woman, but she wasn’t sure what she could say to make any of it better. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how lonely it must’ve felt. Her whole life, even if it wasn’t much, she’d always had her mom. Family was the one thing that Trixie knew she’d always have. Joan had nothing.

“I don’t see why they won’t forgive you.” Trixie said eventually. “Time is supposed to heal all wounds, isn’t it?”

Joan smiled sadly. “So they say. But some mistakes don’t deserve to be forgiven. You surely wouldn’t forgive your mother for kicking you out.”

Trixie frowned. “She wouldn’t do that to me.”

“Then she’s a good mother. I wasn’t.”

“H-Her mother kicked her out.” Trixie found herself saying. “She was pregnant really young, and she was kicked out as soon as she found out about me. She never let it stop her, if anything she grew from it.”

Joan listened intently. “Would she forgive, do you think?”

Trixie shrugged. “She’s… very headstrong. I was never really allowed to ask questions about Nana. She always said we didn’t need her because we had each other.”

“Gosh, she sounds just like my daughter.” Joan smiled, a hint of bittersweet sorrow tainting the happy expression. “She was a firecracker, she did what she pleased. Nowadays it’s celebrated, but we all thought it was shameful behaviour back then.”

Somewhat detective-like in manner, Trixie noted that Joan had said ‘daughter’, rather than ‘someone’. She wasn’t sure why, but the genuineness of the older woman beside her made her want to help unravel the story. She seemed kind and deeply regretful, and the idea of her being able to reconcile with her daughter made Trixie feel all warm inside. Perhaps one day, Sharon would be able to meet with her mom and their broken relationship could also be fixed.

But maybe Trixie was thinking ahead a little too much. Next to her, Brian snored quietly, jolting her back into real life.

“Either way, you have to try.” Trixie affirmed. “There’s no way you can receive forgiveness without asking for it. No matter how scary, you have to try.”

Joan nodded. “You’re very wise for such a young woman. I’m impressed, dear.”

Trixie grinned. “That’s all down to my mom. She’s the best woman I’ll ever know, guaranteed.”

She showed Joan the photograph on the lockscreen of her phone - Sharon and Trixie smiling together on the hotel courtyard, just after Sharon had ended up getting married to Justin. Standing side-by-side, their identical smiles made them look almost like twins.

Upon seeing the photo, Joan faltered for a moment, as if there was a flicker of recognition in her eyes. Within moments it had faded, and the older woman seemed to shake herself, smiling at the image. Trixie brushed off the sudden change in her expression.

“She’s very beautiful, like you. How old are you, dearest?”

Trixie blushed. “I’m twenty.”

Once again, Joan’s face fell for a moment before she regained her composure. The change was ever so slight that Trixie wasn’t sure she’d actually seen it or not.

“This was what was supposed to be my wedding. Me and Brian here were engaged, but we called it off because it felt too soon. My mom ended up getting married instead, but that’s an even longer story. Let’s just say, I threw her life into chaos for a few days and she managed to forgive me.”

Joan chuckled. “I see. Well, Trixie, it’s been lovely talking to you. I should probably rest now, but I’ve enjoyed your company a lot. Thank you.”

“It’s no trouble. Goodnight,” Trixie finished amiably, settling back into her novel. Every page took her a little bit closer to home, and that was all she needed.

—

“TONY! TONY!” Trixie yelled, waving as hard as she could from the docks. “TONY!”

She was running, one hand wheeling her suitcase behind her as Brian lugged the rest, burdened with the weight of it all. As soon as they’d touched down back in Greece, with the sun just an hour away from rising, she’d purchased a garland of fresh flowers from a local street vendor on the mainland and was wearing them around her neck. They bounced as she ran, tangling over her white vest.

Tony, one of the sailors who took people back and forth from the mainland to the island, was a few feet out into the small stretch of sea, fishing by himself. Usually, he would only take passengers on Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays, but Trixie knew he’d make an exception for her. Much like many islanders, though he wasn’t one himself, he had watched Trixie grow up.

“EH? ÀNGELOS? IS THAT YOU?”

The nickname of ‘angel’ had arisen simply from her blonde hair, a trait which both Sharon and Trixie had. It was a little more uncommon on the island, of traditionally olive-skinned and dark-haired residents, so many referred to her in such a way. Brian, however, still grumbled that he needed to stop making a move on his almost-wife.

“You’re so stupid.” Trixie giggled, kissing his nose. “TONY? CAN YOU TAKE US HOME?”

Tony nodded, and in no time he had sailed back from his perch, handing his fish to one of the market vendors with a shrug. He and Brian carried their bags onto the little boat, and soon enough they were sailing in the early morning sun, ready to go home.

The warm sunshine and cool sea-spray on Trixie’s skin felt so nice. Of course, some of the places they’d been had the same kind of weather, but nowhere felt as right and as natural as her home did. Part of her was convinced that, at this point, she could memorise the exact pattern of the waves beneath her.

“I’m so excited. I feel like it’s been forever since we saw my mom.” Trixie breathed, spreading her arms wide to take in as much as she could.

“Almost four months.” Brian agreed. “Three and half, I think. Have you ever been away from her that long?”

Trixie shook her head. “Nope. I think a week might be the longest.”

“Christ.”

“I never needed to!” Trixie defended herself, laughing. “Anyway, it was probably for the best this time. She deserves some time to relax and celebrate with her new husband.”

Brian wrapped his arms around her waist. “Yeah, you’re right. Justin’s a cool guy, I need to hang out with him. You and Sharon can have a girly catch up, and we’ll have some bro time.”

“Sick of me already?” Trixie teased, mock-offended. “I’m kidding. But no offence to either of you, I don’t think you’ll be having bro time. You’re not exactly the bro type.”

Brian hummed. “I guess not. Man to man time, then.”

“If that’s what you wanna call it. Me and mom just call it, you know, friendship.” Trixie shrugged.

“That works too.” Brian said, and then burst out laughing. “Hey, look, land ahoy.”

Before Trixie could react to Brian’s statement, or make a dumb pirate joke as she normally would, she spotted the edges of the island beginning to form in the horizon. There it was, her home; tall and hilly and with white buildings and white sand and beautiful memories permeating the entire place. Her heart warmed at the mere sight of it.

“I’m home!” She trilled, squeezing Brian’s hand. “Oh my god, I’ve missed it so much. I’m home!”

Trixie squealed and bounced like a little girl for the entire rest of the journey, when Tony assisted their bags off and waved them goodbye. Within seconds, she’d discarded her shoes and was running in the sand, revelling in the knowledge that she was actually, really home.

“Trix? Bags?” Brian tried.

Same as before, Trixie wheeled her one suitcase up the steps, as Brian struggled with the rest of it. It was still early in the morning, so the two of them had time to creep into their new home and dump the luggage there. Sharon had fixed up one of the old parts of the hotel that was no longer used - a similar area to where she had raised Trixie - for the two lovers, as a wedding gift. They had their own little place, with two storeys and a balcony onto the sea, but they were never more than ten minutes from Sharon, should they need her help. Trixie knew they definitely would in the coming years.

“I always thought pink was the prettiest colour,” Trixie remarked, looking around at the teal that made up the entirety of their interior. “But this is seriously beautiful. I love it.”

She flopped backwards onto the bed, breathing deeply. “Mm, fresh sheets… and they smell of sandalwood! My mom is amazing.”

Brian laughed, throwing some clothes at Trixie so they could change out of their airport garb into something more topical. As the sun properly rose, filling the room with light, Trixie watched the sea ebbing and flowing. A sense of peace washed over her, like the tide erasing the stress of a day’s footprints along the beach. She was a clean slate.

After freshening up a little, Brian joined her on the balcony. Their view was amazing - they could see the whole of the beach, and a little of the courtyard where hotel guests ate and hung around during the day. As usual, the washing lines were all still strung up, with colourful sheets flapping around in the breeze.

“Sheets are still up. Your mom must be slacking.” Brian nudged her and grinned. “She’s usually up by now, isn’t she?”

Trixie shoved him, even though he was right. “Hey! She’s just gotten married, she deserves a vacation! Her idea of a vacation probably is starting work at six thirty instead of five, anyway.”

Not long after she spoke, Trixie spotted two figures walking into the courtyard. Though they had their backs to her, she knew exactly who they were instantly.

“There, see! Mom and Justin.”

Brian nodded appraisingly. “Guess you’re right. Speak of the devil and she shall appear. In a skirt, no less.”

For most people, the observation would’ve been a little pointless, but it made sense to Trixie. Sharon never wore the kind of long, flowing skirts that she was wearing today, preferring to wear practical clothing that she could work in. Her usual attire was denim dungarees, patched up at the knees where the material had worn thin from her constant toiling. It was beyond unusual to see her in a skirt, but Trixie thought nothing of it for the time being.

“Come on, come on, we have to go down and say hi! I can’t remember what they look like anymore.” She exaggerated, giggling. Her eyes lingered for a couple of seconds on the pair, tearing down the coloured sheets into baskets and laughing together, before she turned away.

“Hurry, Brian!”

They made their way down towards the courtyard as fast as they could, now unencumbered with bags and suitcases. A childish thrill was still holding Trixie’s chest, causing her heart to hammer and thump with sheer excitement. Even though she’d kept on about it, she truly hadn’t realised the extent of how much she’d missed home.

The sound of their footsteps skidding onto the stones caused both Sharon and Justin to turn in unison. Upon seeing her mom’s face, Trixie gasped in delight.

“Trixie! Oh, my baby girl!”

The two all but ran towards one another, hugging as tightly as they possibly could. Trixie couldn’t see, hear or smell anything other than her mom, the most amazing woman she’d ever known. Everything about her was home, especially the tight-squeeze of her full body hug. Trixie blinked back tears, just about managing to subdue them as they talked without breaking apart.

“Oh, my girl. I’ve missed you so much on all your adventures. You need to tell me everything,” Sharon rushed out, all of her words spoken into Trixie’s neck.

Trixie responded by squeezing even tighter. “Of course, of course. Oh, mom, it’s so amazing to see you again. I’ve missed you every single day.”

“You’ve been gone so long, my gorgeous girl. So many things I want to talk to you about.”

At last, Trixie pulled away from the hug, gazing lovingly at her mom’s face. As she had expected, she looked happier - younger, even, like she’d taken a dip in the fountain of youth. Her blue eyes were sparkling, and a pink flower was tucked into her hair, presumably by Justin.

However, her eyes didn’t stay searching Sharon’s face for long. They soon wandered down, noting the definite curve of her stomach that hadn’t been there before. As both Trixie and Brian stared at it, wide-eyed, Justin wrapped an arm around Sharon’s waist and tenderly kissed her temple.

“Welcome home, Trixie.” Sharon said, her voice impossibly soft.

Trixie’s mind was reeling. “Mom, you’re…”

“You’re not upset, are you?” Justin’s tone was gentle.

It took Trixie a moment to realize that they were nervous about her reaction. Sharon was chewing her lip, uncharacteristically insecure, and Justin was rubbing her back. He seemed to be hiding it better, though there was a hint of doubt in his usually-twinkling eyes.

“Upset?” Trixie asked incredulously. “How could… How could I be upset? You’re having a baby! You’re really pregnant!”

At that, Sharon’s face split into a grin, a mixture of relief and tearfulness all in one. Both Trixie and Brian rushed forwards to congratulate the pair. It was possibly the most unexpected news they could’ve heard, but Trixie was positively ecstatic about it. Images of a tiny baby had already started flitting into her mind. Would it be a boy or a girl? Would they have Sharon’s eyes, or Justin’s hair? For the second time that day, Trixie was sure she could feel her heart swelling with love.

“How long have you known about this?” Brian asked. Trixie was overjoyed to see the excited smile on his face, mirroring her own emotions.

Justin beamed. “We went to the twelve-week scan on Monday, so nearly thirteen weeks. It’s already been such an amazing ride.”

“You’ve seen nothing yet, babe.” Sharon laughed. “It’s not all fun and games and cold jelly. Well, not for me anyway.”

Justin shook his head. “Gross or ugly or whatever will happen, I’m here every step of the way. That’s the least you deserve.”

Brian frowned. “Correct me if my maths is wrong, however I had an incredibly comprehensive mathematical education back in Mother Russia so I doubt this frivolous linguistic formality very much, but twelve weeks is three months, yes?”

Sharon nodded. “Yes, I’m three months pregnant. Hence the slightly more forgiving loose skirt.”

“So this happened pretty much straight after the wedding? Justin, you sly dog.”

As they cracked up, Trixie protested. “Hey! Don’t call my dad a sly dog!”

She wasn’t sure why ‘dad’ had came out, nor why it sounded so natural, but it made her stop and smile briefly, her protest suddenly forgotten. Whether the genetics agreed or not, this was her dad, stood with her mom, and Trixie was going to have a little sibling.

From then on, they eased back into a somewhat altered version of their usual routine. Justin, it seemed, had insisted on taking on the physical work, so that Sharon didn’t have to. She still pottered around like mad, doing laundry and sweeping and cleaning and cooking for their few guests. Trixie had noticed a proper reception was now set up, with one singular computer, antennae and wifi-box courtesy of Willam, which meant that a few more people were beginning to hear about the place. There was currently a total of twelve - two groups of young vacationers that had heard about the place from the new-fangled website. It sounded small, but it was their most in years.

Each morning, after Sharon had taken down the dried laundry, folded it away and cooked breakfast for the guests, Trixie and Sharon would head down to the beach, to walk, relax and catch up in the sunshine. By lunch, Justin and Brian would’ve finished most physical work and they’d eat lunch as a family on the sand. Evenings were spent finishing off any odd jobs, Sharon cooking dinner for the guests, and then spending their free time however they wanted, but usually together.

It was perfect.

Justin, for one, was loving the new routine. He got to wake up next to his beautiful wife and spend the days with his daughter and her boyfriend, like a real family would. Of course, Sharon would always protest that it really wasn’t that glamorous, but Justin begged to differ.

He didn’t care that he had to hold back Sharon’s hair as she was sick, and rub her back, and clean up any stains where she hadn’t gotten to the toilet bowl on time. Though she told him he was crazy, he relished every moment of it. This was what he had missed beforehand. If anything, it tugged at his heart to remember that she had done this alone all those years ago. It would be awful of him not to be as involved as he was.

“God, I’m so lucky.” He’d said, the night that Trixie and Brian had returned. The couple were lying in bed, almost half-asleep until he’d spoken.

Sharon had smiled. “Why’s that?”

“It’s amazing.” Justin told her. “I have all the joy of a beautiful grown up daughter, and life-changing experience of raising a baby, and the most breathtaking wife I could ever imagine. As far as luck goes, I’ve got it all.”

At that, Sharon had blushed, even though it was hard to tell in the fading light of dusk. She’d curled up closer to him, guiding his hand towards her tummy as she lay her head on his shoulder.

“Three months… Wow. I couldn’t have predicted this if I tried.”

“Oh yeah?” Justin teased

“Yeah!” Sharon laughed. “You and me? Marriage? A baby? Twenty years ago, maybe, but now? It feels like a fever dream.”

Justin grinned. “I can assure you that you’re awake, doll. I’ve had to pinch myself every morning since I got here and you’re still here, so it has to be real.”

For the most part, Sharon seemed okay with his enthusiasm. He appreciated that she’d done this before, and knew a lot more than he did, but she seemed to be letting him fumble and learn and try to protect her anyway. Thankfully, she wasn’t too shy to let him know when he was being too much, and her stubbornness had helped to ensure that everything stayed the way she wanted it.

It wasn’t all too often that Justin was right over Sharon, and he wasn’t sure he liked it.

“You’re such a worrier! You’re just like Trixie, a little fusspot. I’m fine, pumpkin. I can handle myself.” She told him, shaking her head affectionately.

“But the repairs are gonna take at least the next few days. I don’t wanna leave you on your own-”

Sharon cut him off with an open palm. “Justin! I’m not gonna be alone, you know that. I have Trixie, Brian if I need him, and anyone else I can intimidate into helping me. I’m only holding down the fort, I’ve been doing this for well over a decade.”

Justin conceded; she was right, after all. Every time he glanced down at the bump, he felt an urge to sweep her up and protect her, but he knew inside she’d hate to be bubble-wrapped and treated like she was fragile. This was Sharon, after all.

So he headed off towards the back of the hotel, where one of the buildings had seen the roof collapse entirely. Something to do with rain, he had been told - rotting wood and the weight of the water had caused it to cave in. It would take a while, but it needed to be done and there was no way he would let Sharon do it.

Well, that wasn’t strictly true. She was amazing at handiness and repairs, like she was amazing at everything. It just so happened that cooking and cleaning was amongst the skills that Justin wasn’t so good at, and Sharon’s guests didn’t deserve food poisoning. It made more sense for her to relax and take the easier jobs that he couldn’t do.

Over at the hotel courtyard, Sharon was mentally ticking off the list of jobs she needed to complete. The laundry had been taken down and folded into a basket, ready to be sorted and reused. Breakfast was done, and she was in the middle of serving it. There wasn’t a lot else to do, besides taking in any late arrivals. Maybe she could check her o-mails, or whatever they were called. Willam had set her an account up, and she was finding it quite fun to talk to him all the way in LA.

“Alright, two sausages, one egg and some beans for you…” Sharon stacked the plates along her arms, grinning at the young group of vacationers. University students, she guessed. “Traditional Greek salad… pain au chocolat… and some toast! Hope this is good enough!”

Ever since being put online - or was it on the line? She still wasn’t sure - Sharon had seen a surge in the amount of guests. Not too many, yes, but young people on gap years had begun to show up, having learnt of their whereabouts from the Internet. It was definitely brilliant for business.

“You know, I don’t understand why this place isn’t like, a five star booming business. It’s so nice here! So quiet!” One of the girls said.

Sharon smiled at her. “You’re sweet, thank you. No one really knows we’re here, we’ve just scraped by over the years. It’s nice to see new people.”

Another member of the group nodded. “I’ve been texting all my friends telling them that they have to come here. It’s not expensive and yet it’s worth, like, triple the price. This place is amazing!”

“Texting, that’s like o-mail, right? They’re similar?”

The group laughed. One girl volunteered, “Uh, it’s email… But yeah! Come look.”

Within minutes, the girls had pulled up a chair for her, and were scrolling through their phones, showing her bits and bobs she’d never remember. Texting was easy enough, but she didn’t understand some of it. Instant gram seemed confusing, as did Snapped Chat. Still, she had a lot of fun experimenting.

A little more time had passed than she’d anticipated, laughing with her new guests. It was only when she caught sight of the time, on tiny numbers on top of somebody’s screen, that she realized.

“Shit! My new arrivals were dropped off ten minutes ago! I’m the worst host…” She sprang up from her seat. “Sorry, ladies, it’s been really fun with your Twe- Twi- Twitter, but I gotta dash-”

Before she could go any farther than the centre of the courtyard, Brian appeared up the steps, leading the group of tourists with him.

“No worries, Sharon, I got them. Ladies and gents, this is Sharon, the hotel’s superwoman and owner. If you need anything at all - new towels, bedsheets, a friendly chat, advice on where to go, she’s your woman.” He introduced her, grinning the entire time.

Sharon swatted at him, before pulling him into a quick hug. “Yeah, sorry guys, it’s a little crazy. If you want to follow Brian to our new reception desk so you can sign in and sort your booking, I’ll be right there.”

Under Brian’s control, they headed out, many of them admiring her hotel as they went by. Sharon felt a feeling of pride sweeping through her. It had been hard, yes, and it had taken a lot of work, but she really had something to be proud of. Against all odds, she’d raised a child and managed to run a successful business. The payoff was so worth it.

One of the new guests hadn’t followed Brian, she was stood behind, where she had been at the back of the group. Sharon turned, about to ask the woman if she needed assistance, when all the blood drained from her face, and she stumbled.

“Sharon.”

Everything about her was what Sharon had sworn she would never have to look at again. Loose but smart clothing, telling of somebody who knew the climate well. Christ’s cross hung on a chain of silver around her neck. The same brown hair, though greyer than Sharon had last seen it, in the same twisted bun.

“No. You’re not here, I know you’re not. I’m imagining this.”

Sharon could see this very face in her mind, clear as day, yelling ‘I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU IN MY HOME AGAIN!’ at her. She remembered those same blue eyes looking at her with disgust, not love, and the way those same thin lips had pursed and curled. She remembered being pregnant and scared and cursing herself that somehow, twenty years later, the situation was exactly the same.

“Y-You’re trembling…” One of the young girls reached out to try and steady Sharon, but she only stumbled back further.

“God, she’s as white as a sheet…”

Unable to see straight, Sharon rubbed her temples, trying to make the black spots go away. It didn’t work.

“This isn’t happening.” Sharon said firmly, sure that if she believed it hard enough, it would be true. “You’re not…”

—

“SHARON FAINTED! COME QUICK!” Someone yelled.

“What?!” Both Trixie and Justin yelled in unison.

Bored with having nothing to do, Trixie had spent her time with Justin, helping him with some of the roof repairing. She’d learnt a thing or two from her mom - just enough to be a useful asset.

“She fainted? Fuck, I knew something like this would happen. Quick, come on Trix.” Justin breathed, dropping his tools as fast as she could.

Trixie bit her lip. “Should we just leave all this?”

“Yeah.” Justin decided, his face grim and marked with sweat. “Fuck the repairs, she needs us. We gotta go.”

“You’re right.” Trixie agreed, sprinting as fast she could alongside Justin. Sharon had been there for Trixie her entire life, and would continue to be. The least Trixie could do was be there for her.

As she ran, her heart pounded with fear. She knew logically that her mom would probably be fine, but the worry still had encased her chest in its icy cold fist. Sharon had never fainted before, especially not out of the blue. It was well known that she wasn’t shaken easily. Besides, she was pregnant. Even if she was fine, they needed to check on the baby. Trixie poured on the speed, thinking of her tiny sister or brother and her mom all at once.

“There you are!” Brian gasped, the messenger stood next to him, panting. “I… I don’t know what happened. I didn’t see it.”

All of the new guests, along with the current ones, were gathered in a circle around Sharon, who lay across three chairs in the courtyard. Trixie shoved past them, noticing Justin doing the same.

“I… I didn’t want to risk moving her too much, so I just put her here.” Brian explained, looking distressed. Trixie placed a calming hand on his back.

“Okay, that’s okay. Mom, I don’t know if you can hear me, but you’re gonna be fine.” She spoke quietly, her lips close to Sharon’s ear. Nearby, she could hear Justin taking control of the situation, making everybody clear off and go back to their vacation. The last thing they needed, or even wanted, was everyone gawking.

“Ma��am, that includes you. I know everyone is concerned but I can assure you her family are going to take care-” Justin was saying.

She looked up as he was cut off by the remaining guest.

“I’m her mother, and I should be here too.”

Trixie didn’t have time to make the connection in her head before she was freaking out. She knew this woman; they’d been sat next to one another on the plane. Her name was Joan, and she hadn’t seen it before but she really did bear an uncanny resemblance to…

“You need to go.” Trixie said, forcing urgency into her shaky voice. “You caused this. Get out!”

Joan squeezed her eyes shut, as though she were in pain. “I need to speak with my daughter, when she wakes up.”

“Maybe you should’ve thought about that twenty years ago when she needed you. She doesn’t need you anymore.” Trixie replied curtly.

Justin sniffed haughtily in agreement. “She won’t speak to you. She has more respect for herself than that.”

“I know.” Joan said. Not once did she attempt to defend herself. “I have to talk to her, though. You said it so yourself, Trixie. There’s no way you can receive forgiveness without asking for it. No matter how scary, you have to try.”

Trixie scowled. “That was before I knew you were my grandma, the woman who made my mom’s life an unnecessary hell! You could’ve changed everything. I could’ve grown up with enough food on the table and a mom who wasn’t overworked to the breaking point. But I didn’t, because of you.”

“I know.” Joan said again. “I’m ashamed. But with the passing of her father, there’s no one left.”

Justin looked livid, far angrier than Trixie had ever imagined he could be. His eyes were fire, his jaw clenched as though he was exerting an extreme amount of control. Judging by his white knuckles, he was.

“She doesn’t have no one. She has a beautiful, intelligent daughter. She has a husband. She has a baby on the way. She doesn’t need you.”

“I need her.” Joan replied simply. “I’ve been awful to her, but a wise young woman who was raised by the most resilient person I know told me that I had to at least try. My husband’s dying wish was for us to have some kind of relationship after so many years apart. He wanted me to seek her out because he knew he didn’t have long enough left to do so himself. I’ll allow you to think on it, as I need to go to my room. Please, if she awakes, let me have one moment with her. That’s all I ask.”

With a deep sigh, Joan turned and walked away slowly. Trixie watched her back until she was gone, her chest heaving up and down with repressed anger.

“I don’t like this. Not one fucking bit.” Justin spat.

“Me neither.” Trixie agreed. “Why the fuck should she be allowed to waltz in after twenty one years of nothing?!”

Brian rubbed her hand gently, soothing her. “As someone who isn’t technically affiliated with Sharon in any way… I’m kinda looking at this objectively. Sharon’s mom wants to reconcile with her estranged daughter. This could be a chance to apologise and reunite, couldn’t it?”

“But twenty one years, Brian! Why now?”

Brian shrugged. “It’s as good a time as any, really. In a non-biased way, surely it’s better to apologise after two decades rather than never apologising at all?”

Neither Trixie nor Justin could formulate an answer. They didn’t even have a chance to try, as Sharon began to stir.

“I d-don’t know what happened, I-I was just stood up and then-” She spoke quickly, sounded disorientated. “What’s going on?”

Justin was the first one to her side, kissing her cheek and placing his hand on top of hers, resting on the bump. His concern was so genuine and tender that Trixie squeezed Brian closer to her, touched by it.

“You’re okay, baby. Just relax for a moment, before we delve into-”

Sharon bolted upright, moving so quick that both Trixie and Justin flinched back in surprise. Her face twisted into an expression of pure dismay, and she rested her head in her hands.

“Oh, god… she’s here, isn’t she? She’s really here.”

Unable to hear her mom sounding so dejected, Trixie knelt besides Justin. She had to try and cheer her up somehow.

“It’s alright, mom. It’s not a huge deal, right?” She tried. “I was- I was sat by her on our flight back. I never would’ve known…”

Sharon scowled. “I’ll bet she fucking knew. Fuck, Trix, I’m so sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” Trixie was confused.

“I… I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel.” Sharon murmured. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why she’s here.”

The more Sharon spoke, worrying herself about the sudden arrival of her mother, the more Trixie started to come around to Brian’s idea. Truthfully, she didn’t think Joan deserved a chance to talk things out with her daughter, not after so long, but there wasn’t much else that they could do about it. Surely, she reasoned to herself, getting closure would be better than leaving things open ended like before. Speaking softly in order to try and keep the situation calm, Trixie expressed her thoughts. Justin pursed his lips.

“After everything she did?” He exclaimed. “I shouldn’t have left, but the least she could’ve done was looked after you. I didn’t know. She did.”

Sharon sighed heavily. “I know what you’re getting at, Trix, and you too, Brian, but… I don’t think you understand how scary this is for me. The last time I saw that woman’s face, I was eighteen years old, three months pregnant and not sure what my future would be. I’m in the exact same situation right now, just older.”

In a way, Trixie could understand it. She’d already been rejected once. She wasn’t sure if she could handle it a second time.

Brian cleared his throat. “Sharon, if you don’t mind… Again, I’m the outsider here. I’m not really part of this family.”

He waved off Trixie and Sharon’s attempts to reassure him that he was indeed a part of the family, and always would be.

“The way I look at it… yes, it’s been a long time, and yes, she fucked up bad. But she’s here now, in your home. She can’t reject you or hurt you here. All around her is the evidence of your success. You’re happily married, you have one and half kids - your life is something to be proud of. Make her see that. Let her be sorry.”

Sharon nodded fractionally, like she was afraid to agree. “I-I guess it’s worth a shot, isn’t it?”

—

The past few months of Trixie’s life had seen more change than she had ever thought possible, and she loved it.

Her mom, for the first time in twenty years, was speaking to Joan. It was clear from the get-go that no matter what, the relationship would be tense and strained and awkward, but they were at least trying. Sharon had made it clear that she didn’t want her mom back in her life, and Joan was perfectly understanding, but they had talked. Talking was a good start.

From what she’d been told, Sharon had caught her up on everything that had happened, from the day she was kicked out until now. She had said her goodbyes to her mom at her dad’s funeral, feeling much more confident in her decision with the support of her family. Though the damage couldn’t be undone, the air was clear. A building weight of twenty years had been lifted.

Secondly, she’d watched excitedly as her life transformed around her. A baby sister, the doctor had said. Somewhere inside the bump, sleeping soundly, a tiny baby sister was waiting to meet her family, and Trixie couldn’t wait to see her. Hours and hours of her free time outside of the hotel were spent perusing shelves of clothing, fawning endlessly over little pink dresses and shoes and blankets.

Though related, the last and biggest change was the arrival of her sister.

Trixie remembered wondering how one tiny human could look so beautiful. She was a perfect porcelain doll, too pink and precious to be a real baby. As she was swaddled into a warm bundle of white blankets, blinking her big blue eyes at the world in front of her, Trixie swore she felt her heart doubling in size.

A lot of things had happened in Trixie’s life, with many differing opinions on them all. But one thing that everyone could agree on was that Aquaria was the perfect name.

[thehonestmommy]

Let me introduce myself...

I’m Sarah. And I’m about to become a first time mom (FTM).

I wanted to tell you a bit about my experience leading up to now, and continue to share what its like to go through this major life change in the most honest way possible.  

We don’t all get to this point of being a first time mom through the same route. For some of us, its got some weird detours. It’s my hope that the telling of my story will help others feel just a bit more normal about their path. 

Today i’m writing this from week 19 of my pregnancy and i’m glowing (okay its 60% sweat) and proudly showing my bump to the world. I’ve never felt this well in my life, and i’m crazy happy. You might look at me now, and think i’m one of those women who’s been yearning for this her whole life. 

With how I feel now, It’s easy enough for me to say that I’ve always wanted to have kids, but I wouldn’t be telling the full truth.  So, let me be honest. 

A baby-crazy teenager

I spent most of my adolescent years fantasizing about having a great job as an artist, and being married and raising a family in Cape Breton, Nova Scotia (my home town). Of course, as I got older those things shifted and the details changed, but the idea of having a family never faded from my fantasy. Even as a young adult of just 16 year old, I wanted to begin having children. In fact, much to the surprise and fear of my friends and boyfriends of that time, I wanted very specifically to be a young mom.

You see, I am the baby of a 3-child family. My parents were not old when they had me, but life circumstances sometimes kept them from being particularly physically active with me. They both worked a lot and had their own financial and emotional challenges (which I appreciate more and more as I get older). My parents gave so much of their life to us, but still, there were times in my up-bringing where I wish my parents could have joined me in some of my experiences. I think back to being in Florida at Universal Studios when I was 14 years old. My original choice of park to visit on our vacation was Bush Gardens with all the exciting rollercoasters, but my parents suggested it would be a waste of our time and money since they weren’t planning on join me on any of the rides (and wouldn’t allow me to go alone).  They weren’t completely opposed to joining me all the time though. They both went on some of the tame rides with me at Universal so we still had a fun time at the park. It took some convincing, but my father joined me on one of the rollercoasters. I was thrilled and at the same time sad that it was the only coaster I got to ride in the park. It wasn’t till later in my life that I realized going on those roller coasters was hard on my dads body due to work injuries, and that my mother was not a thrill-seeker (like me). And I couldn’t help but wonder… if they had been younger, would things be different? 

And so, during my life as a young adult, I realized that I desperately wanted to have a baby as young as was acceptable, so I could be a parent who was active and able to keep up with an energetic child. Having a baby was always top of mind. I was an anomaly to my friends, but I was honest with myself. This is what I wanted. Of course, I was not in a relationship or life situation that was conducive to having children, so I focused on my schooling and getting myself into a career that could help me get to my family goals.

In college I started dating a guy (now my husband) who I thought from day one was an ultimate catch and serious family-making material. Just when I thought the fantasies about having a baby would click into overdrive, they started to fade. 

How it all changed

I was happily in love and enjoying every spare moment we had together. We spent a season away from home having some fun experiencing and learning about ourselves and each other, and we continued to be caught up in our lives, and slowly lost touch with the desire for creating a family. That feeling was being replaced with the intoxication of independence and the illusion of youth. 

… and then we took a big hit. After we had moved back to our home province, my boyfriend was was facing unemployment (a familiar story for many people in our area), and was offered a job about 20 hours away. It took the wind out of our sails. Life just got real.

This was a very challenging time for us both, It’s still hard to even conjure up the memories now. For two years, we did the ‘long distance relationship’ dance of lingering late night phone calls and feeling so in love, but utterly alone.  Being apart is difficult for any young couple. But for us, there was a strong divide. He knew he was unable to work in our home town (or even our home province) and being away was his only option to hold employment... and I was stubbornly in love with living a small and simple life on our island, and refused to leave that lifestyle behind. We were both holding each other back. , but there was a strong breaking point for us both. We couldn't continue to do this to one another... so he gave me an ultimatum; Either move away to be with him, or lose him for good. 

I decided that moving away from home was best for us both in terms of our career and adventure so I packed up my life and headed to the big city. And just like that, the wind was back in our sails, and we were living a dream life. We had an apartment in a high-rise down town, found new jobs in our careers, and made new friends. I worked as a designer for a music production company and spent many nights at music venues enjoying the night-life. We went to concerts together, travelled, partied, ate at new restaurants, got involved in the arts scene and gained a full on lust for life. We were young, living alone together away from family in a big city without a care in the world. We were high on life!

In looking back at that time, I can see now that  I was completely disengaged with the idea of having children. I was enjoying being an independent adult, in love and Working on my career. My life was blossoming, and it was thrilling! At the same time as I was enjoying my life, I was also faced very often with the horror of the world around me. Our politics, our environment, and the projection of our future. The news bombarded us daily with stories of war, suicide, disease, famine, violence, social oppression and hatred. All these things had me saying many times in an off the cuff manner that ‘I don’t want to bring a child into a world like this.’ And so, I identified as a woman who chose not to bare children. That was my right, and my choice.

During that time that I would now identify as my non-maternal time, there were people who came into my life, who before knowing me terribly well, noted that despite my views of the world around me, I was still a positive person. I’d been described as a sunny, glass-half-full person. These people were new to me (having moved to a new city) and their perspective of my personality was intriguing. Their comments prompted me to turn inward and see it in myself. It took some time to align my thoughts with my behaviours. For one, it didn’t align very well with how I thought the world was in shambles. And for another, these people didn’t know me as well as say, my best friends or my family. But still, their words and opinions had an impact on me. I did very often (and still do) tend to look on the brighter side of things, and was pretty damn good at finding a silver lining and keeping my head above water when my world was drowning.

Over time, that started to become a strong part of my identity and how I viewed myself. I AM the person who will always find happiness in every dark place. I am the type who can enjoy the little things in daily life. I am powerfully optimistic, and I bring that out in others. Armed with this knowledge, my self esteem began to grow.  The more I leaned into that positive identity shift, the closer I became to wanting to be a parent again. It grew very slowly and very subtly; I felt more confident in myself, and I started being more interested in the intricacies of parenthood and fantasized about how I would raise a compassionate, positive and happy child. I grew fond of picturing how my husband and I would tackle the challenges of raising a kid, and how our lives would go from exciting nights on the town, to exciting days experiencing the world through the eyes of a child.  I caught myself feeling proud of the parents in my life, and even the strangers as they integrated a child into their lifestyles with ease. And most notably, I caught myself longingly gazing at children, babies, and pregnant moms with a soft smile on my face.  

Tick tock goes the clock

It was coming back...that tick-tick-tick of my internal clock. And right in time with it, my husbands expressions of how he wishes to have a bigger life with more meaning, and his unmistakable joy when being around his nieces and nephews. It was like a warm glow of a sunrise finally dawning on us. We were ready to take the step together to become parents. To be a family. 

But (there’s always a but!) like the warn out story of so many before us, mother nature wouldn't let it happen that easy.  Despite being ready, our bodies were not. And like a striking blow to the heart, I was diagnosed with endometriosis; a reproductive condition (disease) that makes getting pregnant a challenge for many, and an impossibility for some.  

My diagnosis meant that, depending on the severity of my condition, I may struggle for a long time to have children, and realistically I may not be able to conceive at all.  Fortunately, many women successfully conceive and there are treatment options that could help increase my chances. 

I began a 3 year treatment to help set up a ‘hospitable’ environment for my body to carry a baby. During that time, I could not get pregnant. While that was a difficult reality to face and a long time to wait, it was the most logical step forward on our path to parenthood. 

3 years passed, and finally, we were cleared for trying to conceive. And yet, mother nature still had more to say. It took us 2 more years of trying, waiting, disappointment and tears before our doctor finally recognized that it wasn't working, and we weren’t getting any younger. At this point I was 32 years old (and my husband 34) and had been trying to have a baby for 5 years (including treatment time). It was time for intervention with a fertility specialist. 

We were both saddened by needing the intervention, but ultimately relieved that we were being escalated to the next step and hopefully much closer to success. After a short waiting period, we had our first appointment with our fertility specialist. It was a long appointment of many questions, explanations, and date planning. We were moving forward with appointments immediately, beginning with blood work for us both, and some mildly invasive tests for me. 

Of course, my tests were tightly scheduled during specific times in my menstrual cycle so that they could accurately look at egg production, the shape and position of my reproductive organs, and a variety of other factors. All my appointments were laid out; on day 4 of your cycle, procedure A. On day 10 of your cycle, procedure B Etc, etc. I was incredibly nervous about the outcomes of the procedures. What if it wasn't the Endometriosis that was the problem? What if it was something much worse, or what if all this time, I was completely infertile? I was spiralling down with worries of letting my husband down; the man who so badly wanted to have kids. I didn’t want to be the reason he would never have a son or daughter. I was straight up scared. 

The waiting game

During the anticipation of my first procedure, I was counting down days in fear, waiting impatiently for my cycle to begin. Waiting, worried and anxious. And waiting. And waiting. and more waiting? 

Wait...what day is it? I’m three days late. Now four. And my cute but very independent and non-cuddly dog is following me around like my shadow and cuddling with me constantly. This is weird... I cant be... can I? 

I bought a test. It was positive. 

OH MY GOD. How did this happen?! We got pregnant while waiting for my cycle to begin for fertility testing! Right when we were least expecting it, mother nature stepped up and said “Fine. If you’re really this serious, here ya go”

WE DID IT! 

And so here we are, joyously pregnant after 5 years of trying, and managing to pull off a natural conception with no surgical intervention when all the odds were stacked against us. I’m not the young mom that I’d hoped I would be, but I can say with complete confidence that I’m much more prepared and emotionally stable to bring a child into the world. It was a blessing in disguise that we were met with roadblocks and forced to wait. We are amazed that it happened to us this way, and love that we have such an interesting story so far. 

I for one, am super excited to see how this story continues to unfold! 

Stay tuned! 

[lair-of-books]

Title: Airports, Exes, And Other Things I’m Over

Author: Shani Petroff

Pub. Date: May 15th, 2018

Genre: YA Contemporary/Romance

Publisher: Swoon Reads/Macmillan

Pages: 224

Format: Physical ARC from the Publisher

Goodreads | Barnes & Nobles | Amazon

*HUGE thanks to Swoon Reads/Macmillan and Shani Petroff for the early review copy in exchange for my honest opinion

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A bad storm, two canceled flights, stuck in an airport with a hot stranger and the guy who broke her heart… what could go wrong?

After Sari caught her boyfriend Zev cheating on her, their romantic Florida vacation was ruined. She can’t get back to NYC soon enough. Unfortunately, mother nature may have different plans. A huge storm is brewing in the Northeast, and flights all over the country are getting canceled—including Sari’s. She winds up stuck at the airport for hours. With Zev!

When another stranded passenger (a hot NYU guy) suggests a connecting flight to Boston, Sari jumps at the chance. But when her mom freaks out about her traveling alone, she has no choice—she has to include Zev, and somehow survive being trapped with the guy who broke her heart!

I’d like to preface this review by stating that I am a sucker for stories set in airports…it’s my #1 setting of preference for cute rom-coms & so naturally, seeing a book with airport in the title meant I was going to have to read said book 🤗 No Regrets here! this was exactly what was pitched, a fun fast easy read that got quite a few giggles out of me along the way. Our MC Sari does catch her boyfriend Zev kissing his ex girlfriend at a house party. Sari doesn’t stick around for explanations, she’s ghost in nano seconds and decides to keep her vacation plans. Plans she had with Zev to go visit her grandmother in Florida. This is the perfect way to get away from the hurt & pain of Zev’s betrayal and also a chance to prepare for her upcoming performance at one of the hottest clubs. Sari is a signer/composer who travels with her guitar Ruby in hopes of one day being a break out star & this seems attainable when she gets the call to perform at a club known to be the the home of many famous singers. Focused on nailing her performance, Sari tries her hardest not to think of Zev. The only problem is Zev refuses to let her throw in the towel before he can explain. We see Zev follow Sari to Florida & later get stuck together at the airport due to inclement weather.

* Photos from Pinterest, not my own

Strangely enough, I found myself enjoying all of the characters in this book. From the MC and her determined ex to her parents, grandmother, and BFF there really wasn’t a shortage of awesome people in Sari’s life. Although I do wish they were more fleshed out, I was happy to see how much of a positive support system Sari had at home. Her best friend never seemed judgmental and seemed genuinely concerned for Sari, dropping everything at a moments notice to talk some sense into Sari. The Parentals were actually visible in this book, yeah they seemed like the typical parents who obsesses over the safety of their children but I found this made them all the more realistic. They also reminded me of my parents who at one point formed a tight bond with an ex of mine, so much so that they’d bypass calling me as a whole which also happens to Sari. Along the way Sari also meets Fitz & Dylan, two college guys who are super chill and left me wondering if after they parted ways, would ever meet up with Sari again once she’s in college. Sari herself had me feeling like she couldn’t catch a break. No matter where she turned, she couldn’t escape the guy who up until recently only  had eyes for her. Zev on the other hand is the guy you don’t want to believe capable of cheating. They’re the picture perfect fairytale high school sweethearts who may just have to accept a different future where they aren’t meant to be together…

Did I think things could’ve been handled better with some communication? YES. However, I also felt Sari’s reaction & coping mechanisms were pretty accurate for someone her age who is basically with her High School sweetheart. I found it so hard hard to dislike Zev, the guy is pretty charming in a nerdy way that makes you shake your head while mouthing “how could you”? although I do wish we’d had more time with these characters, I really enjoyed my time with this book. Sari’s efforts to put distance between her & Zev in an airport proved to be challenging & offered up some comedic relief. The text messages between Sari’s mother & Zev had me wanting to call her mom & beg her to STOP! haha! This is one of those books I’d love to see adapted as a Rom-Com on the big screen if only for another chance to see all of these characters together again. If you’re looking for a cute, fun, fast read about trust & taking a risk on love then this is one you’ll want to give a go 💜

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Spoiler Free Review: Airports, Exes, And Other Things I’m Over by Shani Petroff Title: Airports, Exes, And Other Things I'm Over Author: Shani Petroff Pub. Date: May 15th, 2018…