#and my god that's not including other factors either

[capybonara]

I have waited a long time to write this. I have actively resisted writing this, hoping that, given enough time, it would no longer be necessary. I’d hoped that, given enough time, people would move on, that my own anger would subside.

But they have not moved on. My own anger has not passed. A dear friend of mine by the name of Werewolfsister was horribly treated, and she faced a constant wall of passive aggression to the point that she had to leave entirely.

Both parties have had their say. Now I will say mine. And you might think “Oh god, just let it die,” to which I reply “why are a select few allowed a platform while others are scolded to oblivion?”

I was a third party to this situation who found out, almost as suddenly as my friend, that my presence was unwanted. So to those who publicly picked or “““didnt pick””” a side, I saw a lot of hate towards the friend I do support. And I don't care for it.

With werewolfsister's permission, I am making this a partner to their post. I am not as organized in telling events down to the date, but I am confident in my ability to provide proof where it is necessary.

I’ll start with the basic accusation: Tumblr user kenneduck has claimed that werewolfsister forced them to adapt their trauma into the latter’s comic, Labor of Love. Further, the accuser has claimed that a majority of the story, including a majority of characters, by default including my own, also belonged to Kenneduck.

From her October 12, 2024 post:

With that, let me turn to my own perspective. Let me preempt this by stating that the following information is from my own private conversations with kenneduck. Whether she has shown this information to others or dispensed with it entirely, I do not know. Screenshots supplied will also be the only ones I post out of respect to kenneduck, as the conversations they stem from were often extremely personal.

In mid-September, kenneduck approached me on Discord, stating that they and werewolfsister would work on the comic separately. Werewolf would continue the main story, and kenneduck would be given space to draw specific scenes for Kenne the Zora in a way they saw fit.

By this point, werewolfsister had gone on multiple breaks, preemptively announcing that they would not be speaking to anyone during them. This caused kenneduck to worry, at which point they came to me conveying their worries. I assured them that it was likely simply stress from working on the comic, possibly complicated by other factors we did not know at the time. They then confided in me that they worried they were the cause of pushing werewolfsister away. Kenneduck then informed me that their (kenneduck’s) desire to include personal experiences via Kenne the Zora was taking a toll on their (kenneduck’s) own mental well-being.

I was told by kenneduck themself that Kenne the Zora was given a particular backstory to help process their (kenneduck’s) thoughts on a real life event. When kenneduck disclosed this connection to Kenne the Zora, werewolfsister explicitly decided they could NO LONGER draw this character, as it was so closely tied to something so personal. As explained by Kenneduck, this comic separation was a compromise: it was meant to give kenneduck the freedom to process this event in their own way.

Kenneduck informed me that their (kenneduck’s) circle of friends agreed with werewolfsister’s decision, and that they (said friends) had asked kenneduck to step away as this was causing kenneduck to over think on the matter. Kenneduck informed me they (kenneduck) had not realized they were putting werewolfsister into this situation by having werewolfsister draw Kenne the Zora in the comic.

Upon learning this, I made the offer to speak to werewolfsister on kenneduck’s behalf, and encouraged them to reach out to werewolfsister as well. Kenneduck declined both plans of action, which I understood at the time as it can be scary to perform either one.

I then attempted to do a wellness check on werewolfsister, pointedly avoiding any information kenneduck shared to me. At present, I wince at the timing, because the day after this, werewolfsister announced they would be leaving the zora Discord we mutually participated in. This is no one’s fault: when under high stress, you gotta do what you must to take care of yourself.

Near the start of October, kenneduck approached me a second time, during which I still had no news to relay to them. Armed with slightly better understanding regarding why the comic split was occurring, I encouraged kenneduck, saying that werewolfsister was not acting out in anger.

^ Context: the “drama post” in question was werewolfsister responding to other people’s demands for greater representation of their own characters and insinuated charges of favoritism. Kenneduck made their own post to back werewolfsister up; to the best of my knowledge, this post has since been deleted. The only posts of its former existence are Werewolfsister's comment in their original post and an exchange between Kenneduck and I.

^ Context: I relayed that werewolfsister wasn't replying to comments I made on their page either. I suggested that werewolfsister’s lack of activity wasn’t out of spite, as they queued their pages up most of the time.

^ Context: We discussed what kenneduck’s friends told them about respecting werewolfsister’s decision to split the comic. Kenneduck made a few posts in our group chat at the time, apologizing for over-sharing personal information. This was one of the instances of kenneduck explicitly saying in private, to me, that they were adapting their own trauma for Kenne the Zora and the comic.

Everything I learned about werewolfsister's decision to split the comic came explicitly from Kenneduck. Kenneduck had nothing untoward to say about werewolfsister in these conversations.

Nothing else was said on the matter. Our last exchanges were quite positive; we shared pictures of our cats, they showed me an awesome Bluey plush, and she was sharing progress on a Sidon/Link/Yona piece they were doing. Kenneduck expressed -- what I thought at the time was -- genuine concern for Werewolfsister. Kenneduck also discussed going on their own break to think on how to approach Kenne the Zora's role in the comic.

Days later, I found an announcement via reblog from werewolfsister that kenneduck would not be completing Kenne the Zora’s section of the comic. This was understandable. Werewolfsister then announced they would continue the story, and do their best to do so without shining light on those issues that vexed kenneduck.

Then a switch flipped.

This is when Kenneduck made their post accusing werewolfsister of forcing Kenneduck into using their trauma. All of a sudden, werewolfsister never ASKED for their permission, and that they needed to take the comic down because her trauma was on full display.

Werewolfsister was not the only one blocked and removed. I was also removed from kenneduck’s friend list on Discord. Werewolfsister later discovered kenneduck’s side of their chats were deleted. I assume that's why I was removed as well.

This has been extremely upsetting, especially considering everything was kept private until kenneduck spoke up with a different story. Worse, when werewolfsister spoke up in their own defense, suddenly they were the bad guy for “making this public”. They were blocked. People told them they were no longer allowed to draw their OCs. Someone came to me to insult them, warning “Your characters are going to get ruined too!”

It's not cool.

None of this is cool.

Before this accusation, I had nothing negative to say about kenneduck. I had sympathy towards what they were feeling, and encouraged them to be cautious before sharing personal information. As I said to kenneduck at the time, communication between the two may have helped, but the decision was done. Werewolf's decision to separate the comic did hurt kenneduck’s feelings, but kenneduck themself acknowledged it was for the best as it was for the sake of their mental health and safety. I was given the impression kenneduck accepted and respected werewolfsister’s decision.

From this:

To this:

And one is always welcomed to change their minds. You should always be safe to revoke your consent on something. However, Kenneduck made the decision to broadcast to a public audience with a story entirely different from what was shared with me in private. I don't use this phrase lightly: they weaponized their trauma against werewolfsister.

And it worked.

Werewolfsister has been ostracized ever since. I've suffered blowback myself. Since then, werewolfsister and I have talked about doing our best to press on, but the atmosphere has changed. People who followed or even interacted with us have changed.

It sucks.

Folks prefer to keep quiet and avoid drama. That’s fine when it involves discourse on shipping or which characters are loved or hated. But this deals with deeply personal issues brought into the open, and the actions have affected actual people's lives.

If anyone wants to point fingers then point them at me.

Werewolfsister and I spoke more often after kenneduck made their accusation. They’ve stressed over how to finish the comic. Whether they were going to get more hate for doing so. If I was going to get more harassment just by associating with her. In the end, it was my suggestion that werewolfsister continue the rescue arc of the story. I suggested they either make kenneduck’s characters unrecognizable by darkening their silhouettes OR replacing them with new OCs, but I felt the latter might be disrespectful as it might somehow be interpreted as erasing Kenne the Zora’s presence. I helped write parts of Denouement and gave ideas for the epilogue’s ending.

I say this to waylay any more opinions of how werewolfsister was erasing or ruining specific characters because yes, with months separating their last cameo, werewolf STILL received requests to “no longer” use other players’ OCs as though they’re going to twirl their mustache and ruin said characters for all time.

If you're reading this, I'm not here to stir the pot. This is why it's under a cut: if you're reading this, it's because you chose to.

I'm also not telling people to pick sides. People will follow who they want to follow. That's their prerogative. Kenneduck will live their life and I hope they heal. They will find more friends, who I hope they treat with more kindness and honesty than they did werewolfsister. People will have their opinions, and you can't change minds with posts like these.

But people got hurt by this. Malicious intent was directed at one person, and others followed the example they set.

To anyone who follows me, who has made the decision that werewolfsister is a liar and a manipulator, unfollow me as well. Block me. I don't want anything to do with this two-faced behavior. If kenneduck says what werewolfsister did is true, why haven’t they said the same of me? I was literally in the middle of this.

^ Here I am, spitballing with kenneduck about how Kenne the Zora might be affected by the plot!

Here are other moments where I'm sketching with kenneduck about how Kenne the Zora’s traumas may be affected by the plot! 

Exactly as they did with werewolfsister! How is this any different?

Should these conversations have been kept private? Absolutely, and before kenneduck loosed their accusations, they were. But you can't announce neutrality in something you're not personally involved in, then treat one side badly and act all morally superior because yOu’Ve DoNe A sErViCe.

I originally thought I could keep neutral by staying quiet. I can't, because it would be wrong of me to. People have treated my friend like some villain who is chomping at the bit to destroy their OCs ever since this was made public. For six whole months werewolfsister has been doing free gift art without so much as a thanks from the majority. I am so angry about that. People were excited about receiving her, again, FREE ART - then a public statement by the recipient of six months of free gift art soured the joy of gift art altogether, subjecting us to an atmosphere of “You can't use my character because you'll ruin them! It makes me uncomfortable!”

You know, I’m not just upset at kenneduck. I'm just as upset at how easily it was for other people here to turn on a dime. For people to proudly say “Glad I'm not part of this” and still take sides.

A community involves active work to make people feel welcome. It requires courage to communicate, to find ways to keep the peace with its members, and make sure the community remains a safe space for those within it.

What I saw instead was a popular individual of the fandom using their platform to isolate another. I saw people follow that behavior and they made it known to werewolfsister and I that we were not welcome in this space. That we need to stay in the farthest corner possible and leave everyone alone.

That is clique behavior.

This is not a community. We're definitely not in this together; the majority of people here have been clear on that. The messages sent to me as of late have been clear on that.

There's no debate here: prior to werewolfsister's decision, there was NO animosity between the two. Werewolfsister made a choice she believed would keep her own mental health protected and did her best to respect kenneduck’s.

And for some reason Kenneduck decided to tell a different story, and everyone was content with not hearing our side. When harassment and bullying is happening, it's expected for people to stay quiet about it because it's no one else's problem. We didn't want to cause a fuss so we kept quiet and kept our opinions under read more’s so as not to offend others. I was told when I spoke up about those anons it kept people from wanting to join werewolfsister’s epilogue project because they were also afraid of being harassed. This is why I said there's no community here.

I have experienced harassment in fandom spaces before, and it can be awful, especially when you're led to believe you're alone. But just because I'm experienced doesn't mean these situations hurt any less. This has started to make me spiral in ways I don't want to go back to. I had to go to the ER because the stress was becoming too much that I was showing symptoms akin to a heart attack.

If anyone feels isolated or depressed due to such behaviors please PLEASE reach out to someone. To others, if you see a friend struggling, please lend them your support before it gets to a dangerous point. If you can't find help in the spaces you frequent there is always help in some form.

Werewolfsister decided to leave the fandom space as well as tumblr entirely because of this clown show. I won't be posting on my Tides blog for a while, if at all, because I give up. So congratulations, your precious OCs are FINALLY safe!

Many may not consider werewolfsister as a friend, or even as a kind person, so you better stop looking at me as one too, because I've been mirroring her values since meeting her. I don't care about your opinions on who is right, that you don't like my art, how you're better at dealing with drama, or that you won't follow me. It takes zero effort to NOT be an asshole.

Let me have my peace. My dear friend is gone, so leave me alone too.

My absence will be of no loss to you.

[kettlefire]

Writing emotional chapters are so hard...

Like do I drag this out and make my small group of readers suffer...

Or do I smooth it over slightly so it's not as bad as my brain wants me to make it...

Do I take it the sad route...

Or the angry route...

Decisions are hard

[boltwrites]

I need a Logan/Wade/Reader fic where reader is dating Wade (before movie) and meets Logan, sees how he acts with Wade, and makes a ton of “just fuck already” jokes that Wade (ofc) encourages and it pisses Logan off until he does one day (reader included lol) 😏

A/N: i'm going to have to make a part 2 for this, since this is pretty much solely humor and reader making fun of wade and logan. i will be making a part 2 for the smut, though. mark my fucking words.

some things to note: reader is stated as polyamorous and LGBT (no specific label is mentioned). also, lots of sex jokes and fourth wall breaks lmao.

You were used to Wade bringing around some strange characters. Usually, they thought he had drugs or something (which he did, most of the time. Until they all mysteriously went missing right before his birthday party. Almost like his unsavory lifestyle was suddenly sanitized for wider consumption. Hm. Weird.) Sometimes they wanted money - other times it seemed more likely that Wade was holding them for ransom and relapsing into his merc days. But that wasn't really your business.

The point to your opening statement was: you didn't really want to fuck Wade's friends. Astonishing, really - you went to high school with a group of weird kids that all turned out to be some flavor of L,G,B or T and as such, you either wanted to or did fuck most of them. But Wade's friends? They just lacked a little something-something. Al was too old and too high most of the time. Yukio and her gruff girlfriend were far too young for you. Colossus was too Russian. Vanessa was Wade's ex - which would have been hot, honestly - but you weren't the biggest fan of how the two of them handled the post-breakup, and therefore she was off limits. But Peter... maybe...?

No. No, if you fucked Peter, Wade would never let you hear the end of it.

So, you were typically relegated to Wade, and Wade alone, which was more than fine by you. That insane healing factor meant the man could go all night, and he was naturally (or, unnaturally. Mutantly?) ribbed for your pleasure. Nice.

So when he came back from his most recent world-saving (multiverse saving?) adventure, you expected him to bring back maybe some kind of bright-eyed teenage sidekick, or a wacky off-the-wall team up, like Dopinder.

Ah, right, Dopinder. God, you would have fucked him. Sadly, the man was staunchly monogamous like some kind of fucking freak.

Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, when you walked into Wade's unbirthday party? He had company. And the company? Hot. Old. Man.

Oh no. Your fucking weakness.

You'd really never forgive Wade for evaporating Cable before you had a chance with him.

Maybe this was his make-up present.

And said present - or, man, shouldn't objectify - could not take his damn eyes off Wade. Glaring at him, huffing a little half-chuckle when Wade insulted someone with a joke, rolling his eyes as Wade recounted some story of their conquests with exaggerated arm movements and wild, unnecessary additions.

Oh my god. Oh my god? Did Wade fuck him before you could? That bitch!

You scoffed to yourself as you threw your jacket on the coat rack - or was that Peter? Who gives a shit. You were on a mission. You sauntered straight up to Wade, no greeting or preamble, and tossed your arm around his shoulders, setting your ass down right in his lap.

"Oh, hell yeah! There's my sugar ass-" Wade grinned at you, and you just rolled your eyes and planted a big kiss on his bald forehead. Thank god, he'd stopped wearing that dumbass hair. It made him look like a social studies teacher. And not a good one - like one of the ones that just took the job so that he could coach the JV boy's soccer team, and he's not even very good at that. Anyway.

Wade wrapped an arm around you, and you adjusted yourself on his lap, hazarding a glance over at the man sitting next to him. His eyes flit from Wade to you, then to Wade again, brow scrunched a little closer together than when you'd first seen him.

"Wolvie, meet my little discord kitten. And you-" he broke the fourth wall, just to look you straight in the eyes. "This, is the big bad wolf. Er-ine. Yeah. Yeah, that works."

"Wade," you replied, trying not to think about the fact that he just looked into your eyes like you were a camera on the Office. "You never told me you were bringing home a third. I would have brought the nice strap."

The man - Wolvie? Wolverine? Whatever - choked on his beer, and shot Wade a confused, accusatory glare.

"What about the-"

Wolvie gestured in the direction of Vanessa, and Wade's eyes widened, his mouth actually fell open. And this time, it wasn't fake or sarcastic shock, but actual, genuine emotion.

"Oh, no no no - that metal skull of yours really is dense, isn't it, peanut?" He knocked on Wolvie's forehead with way more force than he would use on any normal human, and the man batted Wade's hand away like a pissy tom cat, lip curled over his teeth in a growl.

That was. Hot. Ok.

Wade continued talking anyway - as he always did.

"No, Vanessa? Lovely lady, don't get me wrong - but that ship sailed loooong ago, my temporally-challenged friend," Wade sighed, squeezing the arm that was around your shoulder. "No - that relationship was, as the kids say - 'lacking in communication and emotional openness' - oh, and she made me feel like chicken shit for not being a superhero!"

"Babe, you did that to yourself," you shook your head at him. Really - Vanessa and Wade had just grown apart. She'd looked into more gainful employment, and Wade had followed, struggling to integrate into whatever the fuck "proper" society was. What really happened was that Wade blamed himself for her death and tied way too much of his self-worth to their relationship. And Vanessa - well, she just didn't feel safe with him anymore. It wasn't her fault; it was the PTSD. But it still hurt him. It was better for the both of them to part ways. You always knew Wade still held a torch for her, but you didn't mind much in a relationship sense. You were polyamorous - your man loving multiple people didn't bother you. What did matter was the fact that for Wade's mental health - or what little of it remained - he shouldn't be trying to get with that woman again.

"Yeah! I know! I was getting to that - shh," he pressed a finger to your lips and you kissed it, which made him go "aww" before returning to his rambling. "Anyway, while I was on this beautiful journey of self-discovery, I realized so many things, buttercup."

He sighed, cupping your cheek. "The Avengers are absolute booty ass - without their mainstay former drug addict, I'm afraid they lost out on the crowd of little white girls that want to fuck older men, and we all know that demographic is vital to the longevity of a franchise. Furthermore, the Honda Odyssey fucks hard, which means I have to re-examine my vehicle-related inherent biases. Oh, and also - I'm not a hero. Can't pretend to be some kind of 'normie.' So I'd rather be a freak with the rest of the rejects."

Wade gestured to the rest of the party, and your grin widened, arms wrapping tight around his neck and pulling him in for a stupid, sloppy kiss. God, that's what you'd been trying to tell him for goddamn ages. Thank fuck, the whole multiverse just had to be threatened for him to realize it. You should have expected it - that's just kind of how men are.

Wolverine cleared his throat, and you pulled away, patting Wade on the chest. The older man looked at the both of you with trepidation, like he might be interrupting something. Your heart skipped a little - he really did like Wade, didn't he? Well -

"That's great, baby," you patted Wade's cheek. "Glad you had to experience whatever is closest to death for you to realize what's really important. That's so incredibly healthy and absolutely viable in the long-term."

Wolvie chuckled, grinning at both you and your boyfriend. Oh no - not only was he hot, he was pretty. That stupid little cat ear hair wasn't helping, especially not when he was laughing at your joke.

You took the opportunity to raise your leg just enough to brush your calf along the inside of his knee, and his eyes immediately flicked to yours, smile faltering as he calculated whether to lean into it or shy away.

"Thank you, I so appreciate you, baby-boo-" Wade nuzzles his nose against your cheek and you giggled, biting your lip to quell your laugh as you tried to watch both boys. "But if I remember correctly, before we went on this plot-hole addressing rant, you said something about the good strap?"

He waggled his hairless brows, and your gaze flicked between the two of them again - Wade, eager and grinning; Wolvie, tense and most certainly blushing.

"Yeah," you sighed dramatically, waving your hand in the direction of the refreshments table. "Unfortunately, the food at this party isn't bottom friendly. Shame."

"Fuck!" Wade cursed, head snapping forward in frustration. "I knew Peter forgot something! That insensitive metrosexual!"

You snorted, shook your head as your gaze pulled to Wolverine, you dragged your leg just a little higher.

"Oh, don't worry about it. If your friend here wants, we could recreate your favorite Lonely Island music video."

Said friend's brow knit, his jaw clenched as he tilted his head ever so slightly to the side, as if you'd translate your Wade-speak for him.

Thankfully, your boyfriend did it for you, with an exaggerated gasp for comedic effect.

"3-Way (The Golden Rule) (Featuring Lady Gaga & Justin Timberlake)?" He cried, leaning over so that he could smush his face closer to yours. You waggled your eyebrows suggestively.

He all but squealed, kicking his feet to the point where he almost launched you straight out of his lap.

"You hear that, Logan-boy? It won't even be gay - with a honey in the middle there's some leeway," he gestured to you dramatically, jazz-hands and all.

"It might be a little gay," you whispered in Wolvie - Logan's? - direction.

Either way, it seemed like something one of you said made the poor man short-circuit. He was just looking at the two of you like Wade was regrowing a baby head.

"It is, like, a genuine offer," you clarified for him. "We're not fucking with you - well. Wade's always fucking around."

"Oh, but I am so serious about this, babygirl. Wanna find out if that 207th bone is also adamantine, let me tell you-"

"Shut your whore mouth," Logan hissed at Wade, and you heard the man's teeth click as Wade's jaw snapped shut. What?

"Hey, did he just listen to you when you told him to shut up?"

Logan raised an eyebrow, but gave you a curt nod as answer. Your head whipped from one man to the other.

"You two definitely fucked already!"

"Oh-"

"What did he tell you?" You cut in, finger raised as Wade tried to speak. His eyes widened, and his lips closed like he had no control over them. Your jaw fell open. You turned to Logan like he was some kind of evil sex magician. Which - maybe he was. Or maybe that was a different man from the same movie that no one knows how to write because someone actually gave him an accurate accent. How would you know?

"We didn't fuck," Logan clarified. "We fought. Hard."

"It was the only way around the Hays Code censor!" Wade cut in, words spilling out like he only had a few seconds before Logan shot him another look that had his mouth shutting and his pants tightening.

You rolled your eyes. "Sweetie, the Hays Code was abolished in 1968," you patted his cheek like you were talking to a child.

"Tell that to the mouse!"

"Well," you did your best to get this trainwreck back on track. "Anyway. What do you think, hmm?"

You directed your question at Logan-Wolvie-Wolverine. It was so hard to learn somebody's actual name when Wade just threw nicknames out like candy.

But still, the man frowned, lips pursed as he considered the proposition. His lips twitches as he swirled the bottle of beer in his hand, like he could find the answers in the foam that swelled there. He shook his head, then took a sip, smacking an "ah" before the bottle hit the table with a thump.

"Eh. What the hell."

Oh. Fuck. Yes.

[temporarily-your-saint]

Dull Blades Pt. 2

benjicot blackwood x targaryen oc

word count: 2.6k

warnings: slight spoilers from Fire & Blood book, blood/war description

tropes: slow burn, angst, forbidden lovers??

PART 1: https://www.tumblr.com/chels-cosplay/754806134048800768/dull-blades

══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══

The campsite was riddled with mud and bloodthirsty men spread throughout as the princess made her way back. This was war, she thought to herself. So many men lined throughout the grounds ready to die for her family, for her mother’s right to the throne. She found pride in it yet a strain of sadness pinged inside her chest at the thought. A sorrowful notion enveloped her mind as she realized the reality of it all. Many of these men, if not most, will die. But there wasn’t time to dwell for she needed to be strong and prove to these men that it was worth it, that her mother, and that she too was worth it. And she was here to help.

Heads turned toward her as the silver-haired princess threw open the tent flap. Respectful bows followed with mutters of “princess” followed as she passed the men inside to take her position at the head of the table. Her eyes fell down at the map in front of her. It wasn’t quite the extravagant, fire-glowing map she had at home but it would do.

“Princess, the Lannister army holds fast and we’re running out of time. The Kinslayer could fly over at any moment with that beast of his. We must act immediately,” Forrest Frey’s words broke her away from her thoughts. Forrest Frey, or known as Fool Frey, lead his house with nearly eight hundred men.

“Why do you think our queen sent me this way, Lord Frey?” Her words were harsh, challenging the man next to her. Of course she knew they were running out of time. Her dragon, Valax, was the only one that could even come close to challenging Vhagar. And for this reason was the only way she was able to fully convince her mother to send her to the Riverlands to fight.

Lord Frey’s lips parted as if to begin speaking but was quickly interrupted as the tent swung open. Deep brown eyes found Rhaelana’s as she sized up the familiar figure that approached the table.

“Good of you to finally join us, Lord Blackwood,” sarcasm teased the princess’s words as her face remained stoic, gaze never leaving his.

“Princess,” he responded with nod, a mischievous smirk itching at the corner of his lips.

Her eyes scanned across the table to the other lords and then landed back to Lord Frey. “As we were discussing…Yes, time is not our ally at the present. The Lannisters have the disadvantage being on these lands though their numbers are impressive. More than impressive. If I was informed correctly, they stand with nearly twice as many bodies. And as stated before, Vhagar could be in the skies at any moment,” She sighed as she stated the unfortunate facts. The defense of the Greens was a terrifying factor to swallow but they had the North, and she knew they fought like no others.

“Lord Roderick, you will take your wolves to the front. You’ll be leading us.” Her arm reached across the table to move the marker in position. “Lord Frey will follow with his knights and infantrymen on either side to enclose the Greens. And Lord Blackwood,” her voice breathed, meeting those familiar eyes once again. “Lord Rivers will set your archers on the north. We’ll march south to meet the Greens where we’ll attack near Gods Eye.”

She took a deep breath as her voice lowered. “I need all of your fighters to push the Lannister army as close to the water as possible. I came here with my dragon to aid you in this battle but I will not set these lands aflame. These are your kin’s land and I will not dare turn it to fire and ash.”

The lords watched her, understanding her command. Her eyes searched theirs, looking to find respect or horror or disgust, anything to help gage where she stood amongst these men. Then her eyes found the young lord’s across the table once again. He watched her in awe, determined to fulfill her orders and win this war for her mother, for her. She turned her gaze away, a slight blush reaching up her neck to her cheeks from the intensity of his gaze.

“Best make an end to these lions before the dragons come, Princess,” Sir Roderick spoke up, breaking her from her train of thought.

“Ready your forces, my lords. We march at dawn.”

══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══

“It’s over, princess.”

Rhaelana’s eyes darted around the battlefield. It was like casting one’s eyes over a red sea—blood staining the grass as far as their eyes could witness. Death surrounded them.

Water dripped from the princess’s face as rain began to fall. It was as if the heavens cried for them. Gods, it was a cruel world.

Lilac eyes found the lord next to her as he spoke. She nodded, agreeing with him. “Yes,” she began, reaching up towards her own face to wipe splattered mud and blood from her face. “But more is coming. We will need to prepare but tonight we rest, Lord Blackwood.”

"The men have earned it. Rest that is," Benjicot's head turned to meet Rhaelana's gaze, taking in the sight of the princess with a hint of melancholy.

He was an unwaveringly loyal supporter of his queen and had grown quite fond of her daughter, the princess that stood before him. His respect for her only grew during the battle as she fought alongside the men and women that gave their lives for the true crown. The fire that grew within her, a pure dragon through and through, was also impressive and a sight to behold. One that he would remember for the rest of his days.

His gaze dropped to the mud, flecked with red and brown, at their feet. Rhaelana’s eyes found his face, studying the young man. He was handsome with his high cheek bones and rounded face. A slim figure but a mighty and brutal force on the battlefield. She had quickly learned why he adopted the name “Bloody Ben” from the rest of the men.

“We can rest while we hold a funeral pyre tonight, princess. My men deserve that, at least. We have lost more than not. If you’ll permit it, that is.”

The princess’s eyes fell to the saturated ground as he mentioned the funeral. So many had given their lives. Her heart silently broke for those now laying before her amongst the muck. More than half of their men was gone.

“Listen to me, Lord Blackwood,” she spoke softly, almost in a whisper. “Every fight. Every battle you survive, you have to see the end. You must gaze upon those that are now gone.” Her voice hitched at the last word. “We at least owe them that. And we must never forget what it cost us.”

With that, she glanced at the young man next to her and reached out to touch his arm, almost as a condolence. Or maybe she needed to touch someone in that moment that was living, just to find some sort of warmth and comfort.

She then nodded her head toward him, dismissing herself as she strode past him and into camp.

Benjicot’s gaze followed her as she walked past him. He couldn’t help but miss the warmth that radiated from her hand as she left. Gods, and the comfort. It was only for a mere second but he ached for that comfort again, ached for any sort of relief from this hell he stood in. The young lord had seen death before but not like this. Never like this. Bodies of boys, barely even reached manhood scattered throughout the carnage now engraved into his brain. Rain drops hit his face, mixed with salty tears that trickled down, falling onto the blood-soaked ground.

══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══

As the sun finally set, Benjicot’s thoughts kept drawing him back to Rhaelana. He thought of the melancholy look in her eyes and the tremble he'd heard in her voice. Her words echoed in his brain, not able to draw himself out from the memory of her.

The lord felt an odd sense of protectiveness towards the young princess. A protectiveness he loathed to ever admit out loud, especially since he knew she could hold her own. He had seen her fierceness first-hand on the battlefield, so it was almost comical to feel as if he needed to be the one to protect her. She had come to the Riverlands to do exactly that but for the North and for his men.

After eating a few bites of bread and smoked venison, Benjicot rose from his tent and picked his way through groups of men, looking for the Queen's daughter.

Rhaelana sat near the fire that was at the center of camp. The log below her dampened her legs and tunic but the flame before her kept her warm and dry enough. Luckily the rain had let up before nightfall but the chilly air still brushed along her face. Her cheeks appeared rosy, a flush spreading from her there up to her nose from that cool breeze. She certainly was not used to the chillier and wetter climate that the Riverlands provided.

She brought the mug she held to her lips, drinking in the strong ale and allowing the alcohol to warm her as well.

Benjicot's eyes continued to scan the camp until he caught sight of the young princess sitting by the campfire. Her silver hair and small frame was near impossible to miss. He approached her, stopping behind her toward the side.

"You will catch a chill," he drawled, his voice playful though a hint of worry was there. He stood behind her to shield her from most of the still-cold night air.

A smirk played at the corner of her mouth. She took one more sip and then turned toward the man next to her. The princess recognized his voice before she even turned her gaze toward him.

“If a cold takes me then I think that would be the least of my worries, my lord,” she teased as her purple eyes found his.

She tilted her chin toward the fire as she spoke, “Come, join me, Lord Blackwood.”

A smile tugged at his lips in response to her jape and Benjicot made a show of sighing before rounding the fire and sitting down next to Rhaelana. He boldly sat close to the princess, their legs almost touching.

"I dare say you're only asking because of the warmth I may offer," he teased back, watching the embers dance across her face.

Rhaelana’s smile never faltered as he teased while he made his way to sit next to her. She hadn’t quite gotten used to his wit and brazenness but was always pleasantly surprised by the young lord.

She adjusted her posture and brushed his leg with her own, playfully taunting back. A quickened pulse drummed in her ears as a light blush spread over her. His proximity was intoxicating and the alcohol she sipped only heightened her own boldness.

“And maybe I would like to enjoy some company,” she teased back.

Feeling the princess move closer, Benjicot dared to shift a bit closer to her as well. He knew they needed to behave for her sake, for her honor. She was the princess after all. But gods, did she captivate him.

Her words made the young lord look at her, taking in the slight blush that spread over her face. Despite her being age eight and ten, more than marriageable, in that moment she looked like a young girl flirting with peril.

"What sort of company would you like?" He asked, his voice lower and slightly breathier than usual, daring her to answer.

Her eyes fell from his stormy eyes to his lips. She traced over his handsome features with her own lilac ones. She memorized the scar that lay above his lip, the crook of his teeth as he smiled, the way his eyes beamed toward her with eagerness. He felt so familiar, so comfortable to her.

Her gaze then met his once again as she spoke, “Yours, specifically,” she stated boldly, her words falling from her lips in a whisper.

The answer surprised him and yet it didn't. Benjicot had noticed the glances she'd given him when she thought he wasn't looking. The way her hand lingered on his arm when she needed him to stay by her side after the battle. The way her eyes had trailed to and settled on his face every time he spoke.

As she sat next to him now, with their thighs and knees pressed together, he felt as if his heart was suddenly lodged in his throat. He swallowed once, hard.

"And what does my specific company entail, princess?" He asked quietly.

Of course she noticed that he was nervous. Or maybe excited? Both? She understood for her own nerves ran through her body and electrified her. The princess had never been this close to him before or any man for that matter. That fact made her heart pound in her ears, almost sure that he could also hear it.

Her voice didn’t rise above a whisper as she answered his question. “You are to keep your princess safe, Lord Blackwood,” she responded, the teasing never leaving her tone.

Benjicot’s mouth quirked to one side. In her playful tone he could hear her bravado, her attempt at hiding her own nervousness.

He moved even closer, closing nearly all the space that was between them.

"Well, that is my duty...my lady,” as he spoke, he reached upwards carefully. His hand hovered over her cheek for a few beats before gingerly tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

His fingers lingered on her skin, just above her cheek, feeling the warmth from her body.

He moved closer, so close that he could smell the sweet scent of lavender and ale that emitted from the young woman. She was intoxicating. He was close enough to count the minute freckles that dotted her nose as his eyes scanned her face.

“Benjicot. Or, Benji. You can call me Benji," he said quietly, gaze finding hers once again, then drifting down to her lips.

He suddenly felt very, very nervous. For the first time in his life, Benjicot Blackwood had no idea what to say or do next.

Rhaelana’s mind raced. He was so close, so close she could move just a mere couple of inches and she’d—

“Princess,” his voice whispered, snapping her from her thoughts. “We should turn in until the morrow.”

Gods, he wanted her to oppose him. He wanted to stay here, warming the princess during the bleak night. But he knew better. He knew they couldn’t risk unsolicited eyes surveilling their current position.

The princess’s heart sank as she drew back away from Benjicot at his words. Of course, how could I be so careless? Maybe it’s the ale… Did I read into him wrong?

She took one last sip of her ale, emptying the cup and stood from her seat next to him. Disappointment clung to the inside of her chest, causing her heart to ache as it clenched around it with every beat.

“Goodnight, Lord Blackwood. Until the morning,” Rhaelana nodded her head towards him and then turned away to strode towards her tent, dismissing herself.

Benjicot sat dumbfounded, disappointed, and confused. He knew he had done the honorable thing, especially by preventing any sort of gossip that could potentially spread if the wrong eyes gawked at them. But why did he feel so discontent?

He decided then that he would make things right with the princess in private where wandering eyes couldn’t defile hers or his reputation.

══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══

HI, HELLO! I was so excited to write a second part and now that we’re here, I am even more thrilled to continue on with a third one. I truly thought I was only going to do a one-shot but uh, I live for a slow burn romance. Thank you all for taking the time of day to read this little blurb that’s been stuck in my brain. I am clearly still all aboard the fancast Benjicot train. :’) We only know pain here, huh?

[meelkiewee]

Hello!

As a first post i wanted to share my favourite bubbies and since tumblr seems more text oriented than the other socials I have, I'd like to explain what was going on in my head while doing their character redesigns~ [BOOKS SPOILERS MENTIONED]

INTRODUCTION

These character designs were made back in winter 2022 for a sort of animation thesis. Many things didn't go according to plan in that school year so for lack of time and motivation I've never really finished the animatic but I will include a wip at the end of this post. The animatic was about my interpretation of their story, finding a person to call home while in a crude and terrible world.

XIE LIAN

Xie Lian is the first of the two I made, his character design was very clear in my mind since the start. It's not largely distant from your official usual XL but I thought it already fitted very well.

The three main colors for XL are white, black and golden yellow. The prevalence of black and white colors was inspired by two main factors:

I personally see XL as a heavily dichotomy based character, not only in the association to the White Clothed Calamity but also in the way he's described as pretty as a flower but skillful with the sword, following a chaste path but mingling with a ghost king, all kind smiles to others but struggling with his own hope, etcetera, etcetera. He is in a constant struggle to find a third option that is better than simply bad or good, mostly in his early God's days, and also later on with ‘not knowing whether to laugh or cry’. So in here, black and white represent the reality of human nature, where you have bad and good qualities alike, a concept I think XL struggled with a lot since he was brought up as the perfect and pure prince that can do no wrong.

According to my research of the meaning behind colors in the chinese culture I discovered black and white can symbolize many things, some of which I found quite fitting for where I wanted to go with my character design. Black can stand for sadness and bad luck. White represents brightness, purity and innocence. In some instances, however, white is also associated with death and is a color commonly worn at funerals. Moreover in my own culture black and white, along with deep blue, are very elegant colors to wear. Simple and elegant is what my XL wants to look like.

Another important part of my XL character design is his bamboo hat.

Following some good old christian imagery I used his hat as an halo. Most of the time I even ignored perspective to make sure his head is always framed in this golden saintly circle In my animatic storyline specifically it represents XL perfection. Soon the hat is lost in the mud and brought back later on by HC with a new meaning of finding yourself in a safe environment with safe people. 

For most of the other design choices I took decisions based on pure aesthetics such as giving him a very elegant mole under the eye, very long and lucious hair and a very very long hanfu with some very very long sleeves. Yes, I wanted him to be very very everything because I very very love him!

Here are some other very very outfits i drew him in for fun and didn’t need for the animatic:

_____________________________________

HUA CHENG

As a premise to my HC character design I want to say I am very amused at people’s different reactions to it. They are usually neatly split in two: either they hate it with a passion or just fall head over heels in love with it, no in between. I personally am in the ‘love it’ side (duh of course I am, I designed it lol) but I also understand if your first thought is “WHO TF IS THAT?”, so let me explain my thought process here.

Firstly, hot take: official HC character is made to be your perfect cool-hot-mysterious-boyfriend™ that has it more together than you do and we don’t like that in this household, at least not always. Yes he is XL’s most devoted believer, yes he is a very powerful supreme, yes he’s always there for his Gege but in the end he’s also a very traumatized person that has had a crush for a guy for 800+ years.

What I’m saying is I wanted him to be a little more relatable and goofy than what books show us so I integrated some of his personality hidden away in E’Ming. From here I got the puffy messy hair, the big round eye and the doubtful expression.

Next up let’s talk about the palette. He also has, like XL, three main colors:

Blue. Mostly of the time he spends around XL he does it in his true form, wich is the form of a dead person (even dead more than once;;). This is pretty self explanatory, when someone dies the hue of their skin goes to blue and also ghosts in general are frequently represented pale blue or white in color. As a little side note to this, I really enjoyed the blue demons HuaLian episode in donghua S2, it made me feel less alone in my smurf choice lol.

Red. This is canonically HC’s color and rightfully so! Red is widely recognized as China's color of good fortune, and in my culture, it is frequently used as a symbol of passion and the color of blood. There is really nothing better than red for Mr. Crimson Rain!

Lilac. Although I'm not sure about my research on this color in Chinese culture, I've read that it modernly represents love or romance. However, growing up in my hometown, purple (and all its shades) was always associated with ugliness and was thought to be a bad omen if worn. Whoever had the nerve to wear it was regarded as a distasteful and ominous weirdo. I think it fitted perfectly with how every other Heaven Official other than XL sees HC; someone who makes blood rain for fun and a potential and actual threat to the Heavenly Court.

As for XL, other choices I made serve a mostly aesthetic purpose. HC’s boxy build, pointy ears and the opened robe to see tiddies(🤩) are some of the notable ones.

HC would not be complete without E’Ming, obviously. After comparing some different blades and trying to integrate a butterfly in the design, I opted for keeping it simple and I ended up with this wobbly shaped hilt made to resemble HC’s bang. The fact that now E’Ming looks like it has a big nose is just an added charm honestly.

CONCLUSION

Thanks for reading until this point I hope you enjoyed my yap and make sure to have a nice day/night! <33

I'll leave the link to my animatic wip here, please note once again that it is not finished in the slightes and there are also some funky expressions that don't really fit the mood lol enjoyyy!

-Sole

[sciderman]

Hey Sci do you have recs for Wolverine comics where he's not written by douchebags who hate men showing their feelings? I'm familiar with the character but I seriously feel like I'm missing something out.

unfortunately my marvel knowledge is kind of restricted to spider-man and deadpool and therefore, my wolverine intake is limited to team-ups with either deadpool or spider-man. if a comic book does not have deadpool or spider-man in it, there's a very high likelihood i haven't read it.

sure, i've read x-things, but most of the x-things i've consumed have been more from television and the movies - and my x-knowledge is very sporadic when it comes to the comics. very incomplete. i've just dipped my toes here or there. and i hate the avengers. sorry. you can't get me to read an avengers book willingly. even if it has spider-man in it. sorry. wolverine frequents the avengers. he's a mainstay. basically he's always on every team ever. he's a team guy. hilariously. even though everyone's mental image in their head is that he's a lone wolf. he's always on a team. everyone wants this stinky man around. he's the best there is at what he does.

if there are any logan enthusiasts with reccs, please drop them in replies! i'd love to eat up some more wolverine, because i really do love him. but dear god. i can't read all that.

that being said i've sung praises to kelly's recent dp/w wiii - and with everyone being on a poolverine kick, as of late, i think it's a good place to start. of course we all fixate on wade, but – logan is really well handled, really well-written. just - the book is really good. it's just a really good book. the book is in logan's pov, and it's just - i love being in his pov. he has a fantastic voice, and you just - really like him.

yes, he's gruff and tough and broody, but - ugh. you like him. there's just no reason to not like him. he's solid. and he just - inexplicably cares, even when it doesn't make sense. i made a joke the other that - that's logan's mutant ability, is that he cares. even when he doesn't want to. he does. he just cares. he always cares. he can't switch it off. god #*?%ing dammit.

conversely, we all care about wolverine. i don't think you have a choice. that's his mutant ability. he's popular and we like him. i don't think anyone has a choice in the matter. i think even if you think you don't like logan, if you actually open your heart and let him in, you'll realise that yeah. actually. you do like him, and you only thought you didn't. but you do. you like him. there's a reason why he's so popular. and you might not understand why. but it's his mutant ability.

even wade's aware of it!!

i don't know why i like logan so much. i just do. i think there's no reason to not like him. even though i don't like other characters that are similar to him. but logan... logan is different and i like him. there's just a bunch of things that he has going that other similar "tough guy" characters just don't. like his funny silly little yellow suit. i love tough guy characters that wear yellow. i love that he's canadian. i love his short king status. i love that he cares. and i love hugh jackman, too. so all factors mean it's impossible for me to not love wolverine. sorry. what is not to love.

i don't know - i feel like people who treat wolverine like he's just like every other "tough guy" character kind of miss the point of him - i feel like he's intrinsically different, somehow. by way of funny little yellow suit, being a short king, and the way that he legitimately cares, in almost a paternal or even maternal sort of way. he just feels different to me, from other tough guys. he's doting and soft in every single story i've seen him in. including the x-men films. even though he talks like a tough guy and acts like a tough guy and he's got his claws and whatever. he's a soft guy. and he cares.

[jotun-philosopher]

Discworld/Good Omens parallels ramble

Exactly what it says on the tin! These are some fun little Discworld/Good Omens parallels that my brain picked up on at various times (usually 3 a.m. or thereabouts... Thanks, mum, for the persistent insomnia...)

Mild-to-moderate spoilers for Wyrd Sisters, Lords And Ladies, Men At Arms and Carpe Jugulum below the cut.

In A Life With Footnotes, the official biography of Terry Pratchett, Rob Wilkins mentions that when he was in school, a young Pterry wrote for English class a story (sadly lost to the mists of time) about orcs attacking a vicarage in full Jane-Austen-spoof fashion. Now, given how the Whickber Street Shopkeepers' Ball turned out, it seems reasonable to assume one of two things: a) this story was not a factor under consideration when writing S2 and the parallel is an ineffably delightful coincidence (a bit unlikely) b) this story *was* an inspiring factor in the writing of S2, and the nod to Pterry happened to work really well with the plot (seems a bit more likely). Either way, the parallel is there and giving me all of the warm fuzzies <3

There's an idea in Discworld, forming a significant part of the moral backbone of the series, that's very succinctly summed up by Granny Weatherwax in Carpe Jugulum: "[S]in [...] is when you treat people like things. Including yourself." This is absolutely at the core of what's wrong with Heaven and Hell and God and Satan in Good Omens; the leadership and culture of both organisations/cults treat everyone -- angels, demons and humans alike -- as disposable things to be used and toyed with and discarded or destroyed if they start having the temerity to be imperfect or form opinions or thoughts of their own.

There're two characters in Discworld who parallel Aziraphale surprisingly strongly: Magrat Garlick (of the Lancre witches) and Captain Carrot Ironfoundersson of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch. -*Magrat is viewed as a bit of a soft, soppy 'wet hen' by the other witches, but she is still a witch, with all that that implies. She also has at least one scene in every book in which she appears where she does something extremely badass and witchy; for example, turning an ancient wooden door back into a tree, or (very pertinently to GO) delivering a literally iron-clad punch to the face of a villain who's mentally torturing her with her own insecurities. Likewise, Aziraphale seems to mostly be viewed as a bit dull and wimpy by the other angels we see (though Magrat still has the genuine respect of her witchy peers) but he is still an angel -- a Principality -- with all the powers, steadfast guardianship and bloody-minded stubbornness of that rank. The Metatrash might not be vulnerable to iron in the same way as Discworld elves, but you can bet that his attempt to break Aziraphale and bring him into line is going to backfire just as spectacularly! *For the parallel between Aziraphale and Captain (well, Corporal, at this point in the Discworld timeline) Carrot, the novel I have in mind is Men At Arms. At one point, Vimes is being held at crossbow-point by a villain, and has a bout of internal monologuing about how, if someone has you at their mercy, you'd better hope they're evil, because that way they'll take time to gloat and mock you so you'll have an opportunity to think of a way out; a good man will kill you with barely a word. Carrot does exactly that at the climax of the plot, putting his sword through the villain and the stone pillar behind said villain without saying a thing. Now, Aziraphale might not quite have Carrot's 'incorruptible pure pureness' tendencies, but he is -- for all his flaws -- a good person. If he knows that something needs to be done to prevent an evil outcome, he will DO it without hesitation. He knows how to use a sword, too, and if That Frickin' Elevator Smile Of Tranquil Fury is any indication, the Metatrash is in far deeper doodoo than he realises! Related to the above, The Smile also reminds me of the old adage, "beware the fury of a patient man." (Well, man-shaped being in this case...) Very appropriate for our careful, thoughtful angel -- it would not surprise me (much) if Metatron were to depart the plot of S3 with a flaming sword pinning him to one of Heaven's columns (probably won't happen, but I can dream, eh?)

Hope you enjoyed reading all that :D

[brooooswriting]

Could you please do a Sam Carpenter x fem reader in scream 6, where the reader takes tara to the frat party and comes back to find sam mad and then sam yells and the reader, but the reader really hates yelling, so the reader gets upset and like starts crying and sam feels really bad and comforts her? If not then it’s totally cool!! 🫶🫶

You for real?

Sam carpenter x reader, Tara carpenter x reader (platonic)

Taking Tara to a frat party might have not been the greatest idea, but there were two factors that made you decide in favor of going. 1. She was gonna go anyway, if you came or not and the 2. She was saved when you were there, so you decided to go against everything that Sam told you and go with the younger carpenter.

It was great actually, you were having fun as you made sure both of you drank responsibly, you were laughing, talking, chatting and the be honest, you haven’t seen Tara this carefree in a while. But at some point you had to leave her alone, even if you didn’t drink a lot of alcohol you still had to pee. Not wanting to leave Tara alone, you searched for Mindy and Anika and left her there.

There was a line to the bathroom, so you were gone for about 20 minutes and when you came back the brunette was gone. Mindy and Anika said that she wanted to get another drink and hurried off before they could say anything. So you started a manhunt for her, walking through the complete house, pushing through tons of people, but nothing. Just as you started to panic Anika called for you, Tara was drunk next to a couple of stairs, some guy laying in front of the stairs and next to him: Sam.

Yeah, this was gonna be your end.

Tara and the rest, you and Sam included, stormed outside where the siblings started fighting while you stood next to them awkwardly waiting for you turn. “Guys” you started causing both of them to snap at you which shut you up. Again, Tara storms off which means it was now your turn:

What were you thinking huh?” Sam started, her voice already raised causing you to stutter. “I-Well- it’s just that” the older woman immediately interrupted you. “You know what, I don’t wanna hear it. You clearly weren’t thinking at all, like always. Jesus, it’s so hard to be with you. You are the reason Tara was in danger tonight, you know what could have happened?” She was now full on screaming at you as she was insulting you, the rest of the group awkwardly standing around watching. “Sam, come on. Listen to me” you started but it was no use. “No, I don’t wanna listen to you. You put my sister in danger because you wanted to party, do you know how selfish that is? God, you’re a bad girlfriend” the screaming was finally to much for you. You mumbled a quick ‘I’m sorry’ before running away. The second Sam turned to take a breath you were gone, only Mindy and Anika seeing you run.

And that’s how you ended up in your apartment, you didn’t go to the lectures you didn’t need to and only left your house when you really really had to. No one of the group had seen you or talked to you since then, not that they didn’t try. All off them constantly calling and texting but you never answered, the fight really took a toll on you.

You’ve always hated yelling, it reminded you of your childhood. It reminded you of how your parents yelled at each other on the daily, day and night. How your mother yelled at you for whatever your sister and father did wrong, it was always your fault and how your father yelled at you at night when he was drunk. It reminded you of how fucked up your life was and how you’ve never been enough, even not for the people who were supposed to love you unconditionally.

And now it reminded you of how you weren’t enough for Sam either.

It was around 1pm when someone knocked on your door. You didn’t move from your position on your couch, even when the knocking got louder. You tried to ignore it until it seemed like the person was gonna knock the door down, “y/n, will you just please open the door” it was Tara’s voice. “Y/n, just open the fucking door before I call the police to break it down” that actually made you open the door, this girl really pulled no stops.

So you slowly opened the door. Tara gasped when she saw you, you got thinner, with dark circles under your eyes. “Oh my god, are you okay?” She asked as she stepped into your apartment while you already sat back on the couch. “M alright” you mumbled. Tara looked at you for a moment, she contemplated if she should keep nagging you about it but she decided against it. It was clear that you didn’t wanna talk about it and needed a friend. That’s what she was here for. “Okay, let’s watch something huh?” She sat next to you, close enough so you could get some comfort. The whole movie you didn’t say a word, she also kept quiet when she saw your teary eyes and the way your head kept sagging down.

“Well, I gotta go. But y/n, please talk to us, get out of your apartment and talk to Sam” she said, hugging you before she left.

“Tara where the fuck were you?” Sam asked as soon as the younger carpenter entered, “I was at y/n��s” she answered as she walked to the kitchen. “And you couldn’t have given me a heads up?” She asked annoyed. “No. But I’ll give you a heads up now. She has a lecture tomorrow from 8-9:30 am. Afterwards you will wait in front of the lecture and you will talk to her” Tara told her sister. “Tara-“ this time it was Sam who got interrupted, “I wanted to go to that party. It was MY decision. She tagged along to make sure I’m safe and not drunk. I got drunk when SHE was on the toilet because I ran away from Mindy and Anika. SHE saved me from 4 guys before you came who tried to touch me. Sam you broke her, I don’t know what you really said but it really broke her” Sam sighed and nodded before going to her room.

The next morning you went to your lecture without a second thought. It was one you couldn’t skip, not again. So you and the girl from the apartment next to you, Kim, went together, she was a nice girl. The last days she came by to bring you food that wasn’t fast food to make sure you were okay, she had met your parents a couple of times already. She knew more than your friend group. “You alright? You haven’t been eaten much huh?” She asked as you walked to campus, “I haven’t been hungry” she hummed as she looked at the ground.

The lecture was boring but it did help you. But that doesn’t mean that you weren’t happy when it was over. Kim laughed about something you just said as she threw her arm around your shoulder but for you the world suddenly moved in slow motion when you saw Sam on the campus. Her brows furrowed when she saw the woman next to you but she made her way towards you nonetheless. “Y/n” she said when you came to a halt in front of her, you only nodded while Kim kinda glared at the woman. “Can I have a moment alone with my girlfriend ?” Sam asked which caused Kim to look at you for approval, you nodded and she left.

“How can I help you?” You asked Sam who was just starting at you, her eyes wandering down your body, it was clear to see that your skinny jeans were now at least one size to big on you. “Let me walk you home, I wanna talk” you looked at her kinda wary as your brows furrowed, “only talking, no screaming” she added which made you nod. You walked next to each other in silence, just walking next to her made your body scream for physical touch but you were to shy to initiate anything. Sam seemed to either think the same or notice as she locked your pinkies together.

When you arrived you settled on to the couch. “What happened y/n?” Sam asked you as she turned to look at you, “nothing. Everything’s alright” you answered, trying to keep your guard up, “it’s not. Stop lying” her voice was more energetic than before, “I’m not lying” you mumbled. “Of course you are. Goddamnit, its always the same with you. You can’t just suddenly stop talking to all of us and lie to us. Just be honest one time” she raised her voice at you, again which made you cower. “Sure, act all scared now. Can’t you just act like a grown adult for once? Im so over this” This time she was full on screaming again which send you into hyperventilation.

Looking back, you believe that this is the moment that Sam finally opened her eyes.

“Y/n?” She called out but you didn’t react as you were to busy trying to calm yourself. She mumbled your name a couple of times before she slowly sat next to you. Unsure of what to do, she just opened her arms. You immediately threw yourself into them, your arms wrapping around her shoulders while hers hugged your waist tightly. The moment she squeezed your waist she gasped, you were scarily thin. “I’m sorry, I said I wouldn’t yell and I did” she mumbled, pressing you to her body to calm your breath. That in combination with her smell did the trick as you slowly started to calm down.

In that moment you hated how at home you felt in her arms, even after she screamed at you while she knew that you hated being yelled at. But you couldn’t change it, she was your person, if you wanted it to be or not.

“I’m so sorry. For screaming and saying all those things I said. I was scared for Tara and my brain went into circuit, I only thought about what could have happened to the two of you at that party but I didn’t think about what didn’t happen because you were there to look öfter her. I should have listened to you afterwards, I was mad and cut you off which was wrong. And you are a great girlfriend, you looked out for Tara as if she was your sister and you’re dealing with my overprotectiveness all the time. I’m so sorry for hurting you” you laid in her arms in silence, you didn’t say a word, unsure of your feelings. The anxiety attack wore you out and you had to fight to keep your eyes open which Sam seemed to notice. “Maybe you should sleep a bit, it looks like you didn’t do that for a while” she mumbled as she laid the two of you down on the couch. “You staying?” You mumbled sleepily, “if you want me to” the way you tightened your arms around her seemed to be answer enough.

This was your first attempt of sleeping since the party where you weren’t haunted by nightmares of your childhood. It was the sleep you needed the last couple of days.

But when you woke up Sam wasn’t under you anymore which made you panic, you shot up from the couch looking around to see her phone on the small table in front of the couch. You smiled lightly when you saw her background, it was a picture of you two at a some stupid party Chad brought you, you were making out while Sam held you up against a wall. Mindy took the picture back then.

The fact that her phone was still there made you calm down a bit. A sudden sound from the kitchen gave you her location as you slowly walked towards the room to find her standing in front of the stove. “What are you doing?” You asked as you stood next to her causing her to jump slightly. “Shit you scared me. I’m making you food, it’s obvious that you haven’t really eaten the last couple of days so you are now!” You only nodded slightly. The way Sam gave you a certain type of comfort even after a fight was so weird to you but at the same time it made you believe that you were meant to be.

You suddenly shuddered next to her causing her to look over, “are you cold? Do you want me to get you a hoodie?” She asked as her left hand rubbed over your arm but you only shook your head before looking between her and her hoodie that laid on the kitchen table. The older woman chuckled before grabbing it and helping you put it on. Her clothing was to big on you which made you look even cuter.

“Here, eat up” she said as she put a plate of your favorite food down in front of you. “Thank you” you mumbled and started picking at your food. The way you still didn’t eat anything made Sam sigh, “look, what can I do to fix this? I hate seeing you like this and I despise the fact that I’m the problem” you looked at her for a moment before finally speaking up. “Am I good enough for you?” The way you asked the question broke her heart, you were more than enough for her and the fact that you thought you weren’t hurt her. “Of course you are. You are the greatest person I know baby. Why would you ask that?” you gave her a teary smile. “Everybody who screamed at me always did it because I wasn’t enough for them” you mumbled out and Sam grabbed your hand. “These people were assholes! You’re more than enough okay? I screamed because I have a short tamper but I will work on that alright? I promise you I’ll be working on that and I’ll try to never scream at you again alright? Plus, you can have all the hoodies you want” you giggled out slightly and nodded before eating your food.

“Should we meet up with the others?” You asked as you stood in front of the bathroom mirror after showering. “No, I want you for myself tonight” Sam smiled as she hugged you from behind, her hair also wet from the shower you just took. “Let’s get to bed. You need sleep” she grabbed your hand and led you away but not before stealing a kiss from you.

You laid in bed cuddled up not even 15 minutes later. “I love you” the brunette mumbled into your hair pressing a kiss there. “I love you too” you smiled before leaning up and kissing her.

[thedreadvampy]

I do not understand subcultural politics discourse and at this point I don't know how much is differences in the national scenes and how much is that we just have very different ideas of what these scenes are.

cause like. Punk I get. Punk is not always left wing (there has always been a Nazi punk problem) but punk IS always inherently and actively political as a definitional factor. Punk is foundationally anarchist, counter-hierarchical, and centred on anger and community cohesion. If you approach punk as apolitical or centrist you are Doing It Wrong. Nazis and right libertarians have always made up a small but vocal chunk of the community, and that's a problem punk has to address in its own ways (ideally with steel toecaps). Punk is definitionally political and has a couple of extremely foundational sets of political beliefs.

Or like, hip-hop. More complicated case cause there's even more corporate cooption involved in shaping the modern genre but hip-hop has a foundational political position. Hip-hop is focused on Black pride and power, and on addressing African-American trauma and injustice, and so it's historically working-class, anti-racist and anti-cop. It means something politically as a genre.

But some stuff people say just Does Not Jam with my experience of subculture. Like people KEEP saying 'you can't be a right-wing goth, goth is radically left wing' and all I'm saying is a) we have spoken to some VERY different elder goths bc as much as I was lucky enough to grow up in the scene, going to the goth weekends, etc, my god did some of those 60 year olds vote Tory or BNP with their whole chest. and b) as far as I'm aware the main thing that goth stands for politically is countercultural provocation and a kind of nihilistic disengagement. like Siouxie Sioux habitually used swastikas and Nazi paraphernalia to demonstrate distance from her parent's generation. a lot of the foundational Goth musicians are either right-wing or prefer to keep their politics private because they consider them separate.

like most of the goths I know are left-leaning, because there are foundational philosophical beliefs attached to goth culture and a lot of those, like fluidity of expression, resistance to established power, and celebrating marginalisation, appeal to a lot of lefties. But frankly I've known a lot of goths who are reactionary right-wingers or full on Nazis because, well, other precepts of goth culture can include stuff like nihilistic individualism and glorification of death. Plus the Nazi iconography thing, plus the widespread racism in the community. and those weren't like 'i found goth on TikTok' goths, these are like 'committed to the lifestyle since 1979' goths.

Like goth is not particularly a RIGHT-WING movement, but I have never experienced it as an explicitly political musical/subcultural movement at all? Certainly not the way that punk or reggae or outlaw country or something is.

(and speaking of reggae. I was watching Anthony Fantano and FD Signifier talking about this whole idea and FD said something as a 'isn't this a silly example' about a white nationalist looking for white nationalist reggae. and they were both laughing about what a silly idea that was

and I'm sitting there like...But that's literally exactly what happened with ska in the UK? like ska is obviously an afrocaribbean genre made by and for Black communities and uhhhh by the late 60s in Britain ska was the white nationalist sound. like skinheads love ska and in particular there are a bunch of neonazi/white nationalist ska acts. not all skinheads are far right but if skinheads have a dominant political identity it is probably more far right than far left.

and that did raise the question of differences in national scenes. like I know that behind the Iron Curtain a lot of punks were using UK and American flags the way Western punks were using Soviet iconography, and Caribbean music has a very different cultural association in the UK than in the US, and British rap has a different political outlook than American rap.

and so maybe American goth is a lot more political than British goth? but I kind of think of goth as a European subculture tbh like I think goth I think England and Germany, and the European goth music and goth scenes I've been in are......not explicitly political?)

[hypostatic-oath]

OVERSEER BRAINROT

(This is like. Me rambling. This is poorly explained and my grasp on the canon lore is iffy but this is just how I imagine/will write the Overseer - aka the player - in SAGAU. This perspective will likely change as I understand more of the lore, but for now, here's some crumbs.)

Overseer whose role is, more than simply observing, to keep the canon going.

Experiencing the story, and that includes collecting characters and learning of their lore, exploring the world, building our teapot, etc is our reward for playing our role - and our role is to push the story forward. It doesn't progress without us. We're not Teyvat's creator, but we are the one making each of our worlds move (we're the mover we're the shaker we're the headline maker). If we did not take action, the twins never would've been separated - they would've stayed forever in that choosing screen, held permanently in that moment. If we had not chosen to walk forward and touch the statue, the Traveler would never have gotten the Anemo elemental powers. Would've never helped Dvalin. Signora would've never taken Venti's gnosis. Rex Lapis would never have "died". Every single other major event wouldn't happen.

The player is the being that makes the Canon Events happen - not directly, but through making sure that the story progresses. (Miguel O'Hara theme plays in the background.) And this can happen at whichever speed we decide.

Now, while the fact that we are the ones making the story go by could be used to argue that the Overseer would be the one to make the passage of time, that is not quite true. The days in Teyvat do not depend on the story progression. Months can pass before those two Fatui in Mondstadt (I love them) have any new gossip to share about current events, or they can pass through five new topics in a span of days, depending on how fast the player runs through the quests. Time is not the deciding factor in these characters' fates. It doesn't matter how long it's been since Signora died - Viktor (the Fatui guy at the Cathedral) will not be stationed at his new post unless the player finishes his comission. Teppei's condition won't worsen with time, either. If we don't continue the quest, we can stand next to him for weeks in game before he passes. Thus, I propose that the Overseer is more of a god of Fate (not to mention, the god of time position is taken). To add to this, the things we use to pull for characters are called Fates. Intertwined Fates, Acquaint Fates, both circle back to the same idea. Hangouts can be seen as a sort of exploration of this power - with the ability to choose one of five or six fates for that character (if only Character Quests had that too). It is, however, one of the few times we have control over which version of the story is told. Otherwise, we are mostly the energy that moves it along.

It's not just that it's a canon event and we cannot interfere - it's that it is literally our purpose to make sure it happens, even if we don't like it. We're here to witness and progress the story - and bad things can happen in stories, regardless of what the characters in it want. So right now I am having some Villain Overseer brainrot, not because they want to be evil on purpose, but because some character decides to pull a Miles Morales and say "I'mma do my own thing" and mess up the story's flow. For someone trying to change the course of the story, the force that pushes events forward is obviously Not Good. I can see Fontaine characters seeing the Traveler's arrival as an ill omen, a sign that the prophecy will come true. They're divided, because on one hand, the Traveler has a good reputation, someone helpful, kind, a hero. But the Overseer's attention signifies that events will inevitably unfold. So Lyney invites them to be part of a show. Furina threatens to arrest the Traveler. Navia asks them out for tea. As long as they can keep the Overseer's attention on other matters, the event they dread won't happen. (I won't talk much abt Neuvillette rn becayse spoilers)

Enter eventual Arlechinno boss fight (it hasn't happened yet, but I do hope we get one) - she's the one who tries to fight the Traveler head on, to personally put a stop to it once and for all. Perhaps the Overseer has no ill will, but that doesn't matter. Not when their presence means that the clock is ticking faster and faster every day.

Now for a more lighthearted thought, Isekai'd Overseer who doesn't really have a concept of urgency. No important event will occur without them present, so they have no qualms in arriving on the day after the scheduled date, confident that as long as it is between 18:00 - 23:00 the reservation will still be placed and people will be at their seats as if it was always meant to be that way.

So the Overseer walks into a bar, with a face too fresh for someone who hasn't slept in what the people of Teyvat percieve to have been months, just coming in from the Spiral Abyss, and asks the bartender where their friends are.

"I don't know? Master Kaeya usually shows up at this hour, but the rest of your usual group is probably tending to their affairs."

"Odd. They were supposed to be here by now. We had a big dinner planned." The person in front of him, who Charles is more and more sure definitely looks somewhat off in a way he can't quite pinpoint, seems confused. "There was a reservation and everything. In Kaeya's name, I believe."

"Well, I'm sorry, but the last reservation Master Kaeya placed here was a month ago."

"Again, weird. He said he was going to place one. Oh, well. When the others get here, just let them know I'll be on one of the big tables upstairs, alright? And you can put everything on my tab."

[bougiebutchbinch]

how do we feel about stone logan who is primarily a dom voyeur.

he sets wade up with a fucking machine and kubrick stares in a sex way at him for hours. logan doesn't go for any genital stimulation at all and is anorgasmic; he reaches his "peak" and gets Satisfaction when wade can't come anymore either. wade's healing factor has a not insignificant effect on his refractory period so it takes him coming oh a dozen or more times before he starts having dry ones, plus three two six of those before he finally really can't finish - or start, for that matter. his cock never got directly touched once, but it still looks chafed, almost bruised. the head is gorgeous, a full-on gem tone, and so wet it's shining like a jewel too because it shot so many times the poor thing is partially submerged in its own spunk.

other dom voyeur activities for logan include watching wade fuck or get fucked by other people. he avoids jealousy by making sure wade never sees or speaks to any of these partners; if he can't perceive anything truly identifiable about them, then he can't be attracted to them. of course it also helps that wade always shouts logan's name, begs for it harder or marvels at the tightness, etc, all to logan, without even thinking about it. this way too, logan finishes when wade can't, if it takes five partners one after the other or twenty or four rounds of five all at once.

i forgot they live with a roommate.

GOD YES. YES. YES YES YES YES YES. Oh I am obsessed with this. What an impeccable dynamic!! Logan blindfolding Wade and tying his hands and controlling every moment when he's having sex with someone else... having Wade still whine his name....... oh my god AWOOO

[my-pjo-stuff]

At this point I think we've all seen the "Luke is a heartless monster who just started a war because of daddy issues and cared for no one" take. Which.... I'll be honest is even stupider than the pedo take imo. But it did give me the idea for this. So let's all have a thought experiment together :

What if Luke was an actual heartless monster who cared for no one?

Here's how I think it would go : >TLT goes the relative same, as Kronos wanted Percy to be his OG body I doubt Luke would seriously harm him there. >Shit starts going down in SOM. Because since he cares for no one and nothing he would have no intrest in getting Thalia. If I remember the plan with her only came up after she returned, so Luke just poisions the tree and lets it die to weaken CHB while getting the fleece himself. Possibly sending Al or other demigods >Which means that A)Thalia's tree is now just straight up DEAD including her and B)Kronos is back MUCH sooner since they have the fleece now. >If we still have the plot with Annabeth and Artemis in TTC then Annabeth just straight up dies, since Luke has no reason to protect her. Since there's no Thalia to take Luke at the finale someone else would need to fight him- or he'd team up with Atlas on Artemis. I'm gonna go with possibly Zoe or someone taking the sky from Artemis so Percy can go up against Luke. >Luke ends up capturing Percy to use as Kronos' body since let's be real, Percy had no chance in a 1v1 against Luke. Everytime they had one in canon Percy always lost until someone came to help him by surprise attacking Luke. >Percy ends up being forced to be Kronos' vessel as he's brought back. >The gods are overthrown, practically every character not in the TA dies and Luke wins.

AND THAT'S JUST HOW I'D THINK THE PLOT WOULD LOGICALY GO FROM THE START

Here are other situations I think would have been WILDLY different:

>Thalia going up to fight Luke in TTC would just end with her getting killed since he'd have no real reason to be so broken up over her or be in a bad mental state which gave Thalia the advantage she had. Thalia dies. >If Kronos didn't need Percy Luke wouldn't have done that last attempt to recruit him at the end of TLT and would only see Percy as a threat. Meaning he'd kill 12 y/o Percy in his sleep before taking off to get rid of that risk factor. >He never would have given Annabeth that dagger since he's purely selfish here. He'd probably have kept it for himself as a weapon. >Oh also NONE of the kids he rly cared for are getting any real care. Best he does in periodically manipulate them to keep them on his side- but even that would only happen after he already decided to go after the gods. So for the first time at camp he just does his own business. >This means Annabeth has NO real comfort after Thalia dies! >Oh also RIP Annabeth and Percy in SOM when they get on Luke's ship and Kronos doesn't need/want Percy. Because they IMMEDIATELY get jumped and killed by monsters. Yeah, no good night of rest for them, just immediate attack and kill. >Grover dies to the cyclops in the meanwhile. >If by some miracle they make it to TLO and Kronos does posess Luke like in canon everyone ALSO dies since Annabeth's "family Luke, you promised!" wouldn't have worked either.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk!

[braininatankwithalaptop]

An interesting background detail implied but not exactly explicitly stated is that there is a tradition of open hand martial arts in Altazia. The way that Taiven has a sparring dummy even though she's a mage with a weapon, the poses that she has in the art, it points to some type of unarmed technique. "Well no shit sherlock, why bring it up?" I wanted to establish this because in most dialogue, her comments of knowing how to fight and physical fitness could be interpreted as her talking about using weapons in combat. And I wanted to establish that because I was trying to figure something out. Why is there an unarmed tradition in a world of mages? Martial arts are not born in a vacuum. Willingly deciding to train how to fight without a weapon instead of with one is usually done with other factors involved. Sure, most cultures in our world developed some type of unarmed combat, but most of the time it devolves into some type of sport overtime (like boxing and wrestling now) as weapons prove more and more effective (from what I understand). What usually kept unarmed martial arts alive for serious self defense is either a) a population that can't afford weapons or b) an oppressive government that bans weapons to disempower resistance (this is based on my limited understanding, I know there are gaps in it). I know that Okinawan Karate became as strong of a tradition as it did because Japan banned Okinawans from owning weapons and they had to find a way to defend themselves without them (some people argued this was with the goal of fighting in a secret resistance with guerrilla tactics but that's been heavily disputed). So, in the MoL world, why would weapons be banned? How useful would unarmed combat be in a world where organizations that can ban weapons can also have mages? Because unlike having a weapon, magic can be taught to any one, and probably be much more effective. I can personally only think of three reasons why. 1) Mages were much less common than they seem to be in modern day Altazia. Fighting other people with weapons when you didn't have any was still viable and learning magic from anyone at all (including non-giant power structures like witches and tribes) wasn't viable for most. 2) Weapons were important to mages, as it was hinted in the gods' boons to mortals magical artifacts and weapons were used to push back against the frontier. This suggests a significant portion of magic use was done through objects and weapons, and the banning of it meant that people had to learn how to cast without those objects and fight without them at the same time. (Of course overtime spellcasting without weapons/objects were adopted by everyone as all superior spellcasting does, and as the spellcasting tradition was separated from the martial art, all that was left was the physical techniques). 3) Martial arts aren't a method of self defense at all and are only regarded as a sport. Only useful for exercise, and most importantly, cements Taiven's character as a jock official as she is the coach's assistant to teach the sport and has dummies to practice at home.

[wheelie-sick]

was it difficult getting a wheelchair prescription/referral for eds? and how has your experience with deconditioning been? was the switch to wheelchair from other mobility aids worth it? i have eds and am expected to get a wheelchair prescription later this year and i’m anxious about how the appointment will go

while I would love to help you my wheelchair is not primarily for hEDS 😅

[proceeds to write a really long fucking post with answers anyways]

anyways it's beneath the cut

I had a very easy time getting a referral because I have numerous comorbidities and my wheelchair was primarily for miserable malalignment. it was done in combination with the hEDS and lupus.

I'll still answer the other questions though

deconditioning

deconditioning was and is a very huge struggle for me especially because in the past I was a near full time wheelchair user and occasionally was completely unable to weight bear for about a month at a time. this meant I was basically doing no walking. this had all the consequences of doing no walking. I haven't had physical therapy in a long time either (even though I should) which did not help the situation.

I didn't really notice the deconditioned until I started shifting back to walking more. my legs were extremely weak and I was having a hard time walking short distances. I definitely had to build up to longer ones and it was a slow process.

I now walk significantly more--I'd say about 30% of the time--which is not a large number but it's enough to keep my legs strong enough that I can do things like hike sometimes. I do try to keep up with PT exercises. I am bad at it but anything is better than nothing.

basically my point is walk as much as possible and do your physical therapy

I will say that to some extent the muscle you build in your arms does make up for the muscle lost in your legs. it's not a 1:1 but it's not like you're losing muscle and gaining none- you are gaining some.

other mobility aids

god this is another one that's really influenced by other factors that weren't hEDS but I'll answer it anyways and try to pick out what's hEDS and what's not.

when I got my wheelchair referal I had active, untreated lupus leaving me unable to make it to the bathroom more than 1-2 times a day. when I got my wheelchair I had worse active, untreated lupus and was in and out of the hospital. I was also struggling to make it to the bathroom and was not eating (in part because I was throwing all of it up, in part because the campus dining hall was outside my radius of movement even with my hospital wheelchair) my point with this is that I needed that wheelchair pretty desperately. I had a hospital wheelchair, it was very difficult to use because it was 4 inches too large. I did use it, it was my primary mobility aid, but it limited my life a lot. it was more a "go to the bathroom" mobility aid than a "go to my classes" mobility aid

active lupus likes to attack your connective tissue a lot so it was also making my joints more unstable. couldn't figure out where to include this in the last paragraph but part of the cause of my pain was lupus' impact on my hEDS joints.

when I got my custom wheelchair I started using it for just about everything immediately because it was the most freeing thing I had ever experienced. (I got to leave my dorm building!!!!! I got to leave my dorm building!!!!!!!!!!!!)

[ID: a window selfie taken in a window with decals saying "UNM lobos" the person is sitting in a rigid manual wheelchair with his arm on the wheel]

look at me outside my dorm building for the first time in a month!!!! you can't see it but I was so absolutely thrilled

so was it worth it for me? yes, 1000× yes. I cried when I first moved around in it in the ATP's office

hEDS and the switch

so while it was absolutely worth it for me I wanted to share some of the factors that are actually hEDS related (though most of these are influenced by other parts of my disorder cocktail)

when it comes to pros, I do experience a lot of pain from hEDS and my leg pain is very mitigated by my wheelchair. when it comes to cons my shoulders have new pain! it's awful. when it comes to pros, my wheelchair is fit in a way that really helps alleviate my back pain from SI joint in instability-- if your chair doesn't have a good backrest SI joint pain will get worse, get a good backrest (I personally recommend the varilite icon so much thst they should start paying me for the advertising) it also supports my comorbid scoliosis a lot. it's useful during comorbid POTS flares but my POTS is pretty well managed now so that's mostly irrelevant for me (and you have to be careful using wheelchairs for POTS because they can decondition you and make things worse in the long run)

speaking of deconditioning you already seem pretty aware of deconditioning concerns so I won't dive into that one

it has made my joint dislocations & subluxations much less frequent because mine were primarily happening in my knees. it has made elbow subluxations a revived problem

basically it's what you'd expect- easier on the lower body harder on the upper body. also your spine. there's a lot of stress on your spine using a wheelchair so you have to take that into account. push for a good backrest, consider one that's medium height (at least, depending on other needs) understand you will probably throw your back out multiple times.

was it worth it with hEDS for me? I'd say yeah. while my wheelchair is not primarily for hEDS, hEDS is still a large component in it.

this was very rambly, sorry about that, I am writing this at 3 am, I hope this helps some?

I wish you so much luck getting your wheelchair they are so life changing and I hope you find it to be worth it!!!!! 💕💕

[notnights]

Just me or does no one else acknowledge the age difference between Jax and Gangle? Idk, I appreciate it in your fic even. (When Gangle preferred being called a "woman" because it showed her maturity/age)

I used to see people bring it up, because for some reason just the 4 year age gap was weird to some people despite them both being young adults that would likely be in college together.

Anyways. Yeah, the woman bit in Acetate was meant to showcase Jax's understanding of this other side of Gangle as opposed to her actual age.

She's a weak, feeble, crybaby, it's easy to infantize that kind of person. It's in direct relation to Jax calling her out right before that part, for making him take the blame for something she did. She understands the level of infantization she receives so much, that she's reluctantly accepted it to the point she'll use it to her advantage. ("Why would the pushover do that? Jax, it was clearly you.")

I have her direct motivation in this fic be that she'd also hate if the others found out about how Jax fell for her, and then later hiding what she's been doing to him; but if those weren't motivating factors I believe she would've just let Ragatha slip in to help her with most of the situation.

Which is also why she sort of gets antsy when Ragatha offers or tries to help. Because for once Gangle's trying to handle it, for once she's saying no, and while Ragatha has good intentions, she basically shows Gangle, she doesn't believe her capable. And why Jax's callout, and label of woman hit her so hard. Not even the the kindest person in the group views her as a capable adult, the irony the person she hates does probably gave her whiplash.

She's a weak crybaby but she's still a grown up, she still deals with adult problems and emotions, adult wants and needs. But the treatment she receives from others over the years (including if we assume she had the same issues in the real world) wares you down into just accepting that, easier to go with the flow than swim against it. Gets whiplash from Jax's statement because he's fished her out of that flow for a second that even she forgot she wanted out of.

Jax took notice of those traits, the ones still motivated by those adult wants and needs, problems and feelings. Jax too leans into immaturity, he's like the bully on the playground, but it's worse because he's a grown adult who knows full well his actions hurt others but enjoys doing it anyways.

Either if he does this because he still has some self-reflection to do himself, or he really does not care and uses it as a cope to this awful cartoon world he's stuck in, or maybe something else, has yet to be seen maybe we'll find out one day. But in my story he def sees a parallel with himself and Gangle with that.

(Taking examples from the new episode actually: Ragatha scolds Jax like a kid who doesn't know any better. In my story Ragatha helps Gangle like she's a kid who can't do anything.)

When he finally starts catching this side of Gangle, that's when he eventually develops feelings. That there's more to her than "weak, feeble, crybaby." She is also an adult woman. She is also someone who's self-aware of how people perceive her. She has motivations sometimes vindictive, deviant, motivations. She is Gangle.

Woo, that was long what happened where am I oh god. I don't think your ask really wanted that whoops.

[goodqueenaly]

Forgive me if you’ve addressed this before over the years. You’ve covered a lot.

As far as is know, is Betha the only Queen of the Seven Kingdoms to, based on her familial background and upbringing, likely keep the Old Gods? If so, do you imagine this was a factor raised at the Great Council by lords aligned strongly with the Faith against Aegon?

That’s actually a great question, and one I haven’t considered! 

Yes, as far as we’re aware, no other queens during the Targaryen kingdom in Westeros (and obviously not under the Baratheon dynasty either) worshipped or otherwise honored the old gods. (This conclusion obviously does not count de facto crown princess Sansa, of course.) Granted, we know very little about the personal piety of virtually any of the Targaryen queens (Betha included); Naerys, and to a much lesser extent Alysanne and Aelinor Penrose, represent pretty much the only queens about whom GRRM has given any insight regarding their personal religious feelings. However, given that there were no queens from the North, nor any other Houses (besides House Blackwood) which are specifically noted to worship the old gods elsewhere (of which House Blackwood is really the only certain one anyway), I think it’s fair to say that none of the other Targaryen-era queens worshiped the old gods. 

Whether Betha’s religious feelings (real or presumed) would have factored into the debates at the Great Council of 233 AC and even beyond … maybe. Certainly, Westerosi politics historically has been no stranger (no pun intended) to criticisms of religiously unorthodox figures and their supposedly negative influences, from Lelia Lannister during the Hoare dynasty on the Iron Islands to Larra Rogare during the Lysene Spring under Aegon III (and indeed, I’ve suggested such criticisms may have been leveled against Jeyne Manderly, wife and perhaps widow of Rickon Stark). Too, according to Yandel, that “most outspoken of [Aegon V’s] foes” specifically referred to the “gods-given rights and liberties” of which the king allegedly sought to deprive his vassals; however, the quote does not mention which “gods”, old or new (or both), to which the speaker referred, nor the source of the complaint, leaving the potential religious context to the issue unclear. We also do not have a strong understanding of the relationship between the Faith and the crown in 233 AC (or, indeed, during Aegon V’s reign afterward), although there certainly had already been intriguing intersections between the two entities: consider, say, the High Septon under Daeron II, who used the Faith's prejudice against bastards to explain and criticize the rebellion of Daemon Blackfyre, or the nameless septon who used specifically theological arguments to denounce Bloodraven (and was executed for doing as much), or even my speculation on the installation of the office of High Septon permanently in King’s Landing (in its Avignon-esque exile from Oldtown). More directly, the fact that the High Septon of 233 AC was willing to absolve Aemon of his maester’s vows so that Aemon could become king might, perhaps, suggest a desire on the part of the Faith to support the surviving son of Maekar who had no troublesome ties to the old gods, rather than the son whose wife worshiped those strange and ancient gods. 

Again, none of this is explicit canonical evidence, but all of these ideas and suggestions may indicate that Betha’s familial religion was used as an argument against Aegon V’s kingship , at the time of the Great Council and/or during his reign. How could Prince Aegon be trusted as a prospective defender of the Faith, so the argument might have gone, when his own queen worshiped god who were, to borrow Yandel’s phrase when describing the Andal Invasion, “little more than demons”? How could the Faith support the succession princes who may well, so these Faithful might have feared, have been raised to worship those same old gods, and been encouraged by their no-good-very-bad mother to turn away from the light of the Seven? Would Betha have been assumed to share the penchant for sorcery and evil popularly associated with that other Blackwood-blooded old gods worshiper, Brynden Rivers? For those perhaps already inclined to distrust the hedge knight-trained "half a peasant" Prince Aegon, the fact that the prince's wife and the mother of his heirs worshiped gods other than the Seven might have been useful ammunition in their arguments against his accession, or during his reign afterward.