#and my brain has been hunting for a thing to train for and strive for | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

themoonlitsojourner · 3 years ago

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Chapter 7: Uncertainty and Exploration

Through starry nights and music lessons, Wanda and Vision rediscover themselves. And begin to discover each other.

Despite the early hour and the fog clouding her brain since she found herself alone in this world, Wanda knows immediately who waits outside her room. Taking a deep breath, she prays for the energy to face this day. She opens the door.

“Good morning.” Her attempt at a smile barely counts, but at least it’s friendly. Anything to soothe her visitor’s nervousness.

“Would you care for a morning beverage?” Vision asks at the exact same moment, his words colliding with hers. He winces, and she’s sure he would blush if he could. “P-pardon me. Good morning.”

Focusing on the mugs in his hands, Vision starts again. “It is customary to consume a heated, caffeinated beverage in the morning. This seems like a practice that would appeal to you, so I have secured two options. I- I am not aware of your preference.” His blue eyes flick to hers. They are skittish, like the eyes of a deer. “Would you prefer green tea or filtered coffee? Or a different product, perhaps?”

“No, no, the coffee is fine.” She wraps her fingers around the warm ceramic and Vision shifts his hand away as soon as she has a secure grip. He is so careful to keep his fingers from brushing against hers. So careful to avoid making contact.

If it were anyone else, Wanda would think it was because of her, a fear of the storm of red that boils just below the surface of her hands. But she has seen inside his head. He is not afraid of her. He is the only one in this building who isn’t.

No, Vision is avoiding human touch, just as he does in the hallways, entering them only when there are fewer people who might brush against him. And the entire time, he keeps his shoulders curled forward, as if to make himself as small as possible.

Why does he avoid even the chance of contact? Why does he fear it so?

Wanda focuses on the mug in her hands, soaking in the heat and the familiar comfort it provides. Steam rises to her nose, but it does not carry the rich, dark scent of fresh coffee. Instead, a burnt and bitter odor greets her. Feeling Vision’s gaze on her, she dares to take a cautious sip.

If Vision made this himself, she knows the first thing they’ll work on.

Wanda’s wrinkled nose must give away her disgust. Vision rushes to assure her, “I have also procured cream and sugar for you to add, if you so wish.” He ducks into the library down the hall, returning with a wooden serving tray.

Wanda pours most of the cream from the little pitcher into her mug, stirring it with the teaspoon he holds out. “Did you get all this yourself?” Her second sip, at least, doesn’t make her cringe. She might have outgrown watered-down coffee years ago, but the cream makes this drink halfway palatable. And if nothing else, the cup will keep her hands warm.

“I retrieved the tray and its implements from the breakfast bar in the dining hall. The teaspoon I selected from the kitchen drawer. The spoons that had been set out for beverage use were not of the proper sort,” Vision explains, expression solemn. “A pot of coffee had already been brewed, but perhaps I should have prepared a new one…” He falls silent, brow furrowed as he watches her sip from the mug.

“It is good,” Wanda lies, and Vision’s shoulders drop in relief. He nods and turns to set the tray down. His golden cape, reaching almost to the floor, ripples around his boots with every step. Wanda follows its lines up his shoulders, frowning at the metal collar joining it to the tight fabric of his suit. None of it looks very comfortable, especially for more than a couple hours.

She looks down into her coffee, idly stirring the pale liquid in slow circles. “You still want my help, yes?” Out of the corner of her eye, she watches Vision turn around slowly.

“Yes.” The river of his thoughts speeds up, tumbling and rushing like rapids over rocks. Anxious. About what, exactly?

Wanda realizes her intrusion and pulls back from his mind, refocusing. “Okay. So...” She takes a deep breath. “Um... the outfit. It is fine for fighting and such, but otherwise you might want something more… relaxed?”

Brow furrowing again, Vision peers down at his clothing. “I must always stand ready to defend.” The phrase is flat. Automatic. Scripted, maybe? His eyes meet hers as he speaks his next words urgently, striving to convince her. Or himself. “It is my purpose and honor to defend and serve.”

Did Stark decide that for him? Is it something S.H.I.E.L.D. told him?

Wanda nods slowly. “It is admirable of you to think that. But there is more than one purpose in life. And things change. Always.” Suddenly, she cannot watch him any longer. Staring down into her coffee, she wills her blurred sight to clear. She has cried enough. “And when they do, there is no other option but to adapt.”

Vision watches her solemnly, eyes soft with sympathy.

Wanda takes a deep breath and forces herself to try another smile. “So. Daily clothing.” The mundane topic is awkward and alien on her tongue. There wasn’t much talk in the last few years about anything other than matters of life, death, and survival. The normal and the everyday belong in her memories. In another lifetime.

Nodding thoughtfully, Vision stares past the wall, irises swirling from one direction to the next.

Is he considering his options? Searching the internet, maybe?

“What would you suggest?” he asks.

Wanda purses her lips. Where in the tower could they find extra clothes… There is nothing she can remember seeing during her brief tour, but she remembers little of that first day. We could ask the Captain. She clenches her sweatshirt sleeves in her fists at the thought of venturing into the floors below.

Then suddenly her musings are swept away. Wanda blinks, brain scrambling to comprehend what she sees as Vision’s clothing seems to ripple and shift, both in style and color. Soon, a loose, plain cotton T-shirt and dark jeans drape his tall form. Not a trace of the suit or cape remains.

Her mouth falls open in astonishment. “How did you do that?”

“I am equipped with a thin layer of nanobots, easily controlled through a mental-cellular interface. I assume their purpose is the formation of clothing.” He holds his arms out to the side. “Do you think this attire will suffice?”

Wanda frowns. Vision’s old-fashioned, formal speech looks jarring alongside the modern style, and his perfect posture disrupts the loose fit. If anything, he stands even stiffer than when he wore the battle suit.

She tilts her head. “Is it… comfortable for you?”

“It is casual, is it not?”

“But are you comfortable? Do you like it?”

The corner of his mouth curves down. “Not… strictly speaking.”

Wanda nods. “Try something else, then. You will want it to fit you.”

Vision’s irises begin twirling, starting with the opposite direction this time. When he does that, what exactly goes on behind those blue eyes? She’s sorely tempted to look.

A moment later, his clothing shifts again.

Wanda examines the dark gray vest and tie over a long-sleeved white shirt with neatly buttoned cuffs. Pressed charcoal slacks and black dress shoes complete the simple, yet elegant outfit.

Vision looks to her, waiting

Wanda bites her lip. Maybe he should loosen the tie. Then again, he is obviously more comfortable dressed formally. His body language alone speaks loudly to that. She nods once. “This is good.”

“Good,” Vision repeats. She wonders if he’s aware that he mimics her nod and tone almost exactly. “Excellent.”

----------

During those first weeks after Pietro’s death, the intensity of the searing, screaming pain had not surprised Wanda. Neither had the crushing cloud of grief, or the red haze of anger that fogged her mind and numbed her senses during those dark nights she spent alone, hiding in the Bartons’ spare room.

Wanda has been through it all before. She knows loss well.

But now the grip of those feelings has started to fade, and what does surprise her is the boredom. The restless, irritable energy, the listless lack of focus. Every day is just the day before, completely identical in every way. Get up, train, meals, train, sleep.

There is no purpose. No drive. No one to hunt down and make pay for her brother’s death. No revenge to lie awake and plan.

She already ripped out the killer’s heart, but it was too late to save her own.

Not even the intense combat training, progressing as rapidly as she can handle, holds her attention. No matter how hard she throws herself into it, how carefully she blocks out everything but the red in her hands, she cannot lose herself in the movements. All the fighting does is bring the memories of her last battle rushing to the surface. Pietro’s last battle. And when each session finishes, it leaves her fighting to hide her pounding heart and the shaking that spreads from her hands.

There is no forgetting for her. No distraction.

Fortunately, Vision seems to have found some direction, or at least something to fill his time with. He must have read every book in the library on their floor once, if not twice, and frequently he phases through the floor with an armful pilfered from elsewhere in the building. Made-up stories, real stories, textbooks, manuals, encyclopedias, he reads them all. His desire to learn is insatiable.

If only Wanda could muster even half that enthusiasm for something. Anything.

Today, the late afternoon sun seeps through the library’s full-length window, illuminating the book in Vision’s lap. Wanda flips through the channels on the TV in the corner, jaw clenched in frustration.

It is Monday, the fifth (or maybe sixth) afternoon in a row they’ve spent in this room, and by far the quietest. They train every morning and evening except for Sunday, but the hours between are their “free time.” It’s a good thing the time is “free” because she has done nothing but waste it.

Wanda drums her fingers petulantly on the arm of her chair, restlessness coiling in her chest. She jabs the remote buttons again.

There is nothing on TV. Even worse, there is nothing to do, and she needs to do something. With a growl, Wanda hits the power button and tosses the remote to the table.

“Did you know mantis shrimp are equipped with sixteen different kinds of cones?” Vision suddenly says.

Wanda turns to look at him.

“That’s thirteen more than humans possess,” he remarks thoughtfully, eyes still tracing the page of the encyclopedia.

This was another new thing, his habit of sharing random facts. There is an unspoken understanding between them that they spend the afternoons here in their library because neither dares venture into the mob of noisy people and hectic thoughts that awaits them downstairs.

Wanda could take the solitude a step farther and stay in her room. Completely cut herself off from the noise. But somehow her room is too quiet. Too empty.

She wonders if he feels the same about his.

So they end up here, sharing each other’s company but rarely speaking. Not knowing what to say is another thing they have in common. Vision wants to talk, though. She can see it in the way he glances up from his book every once in a while, eyes darting to her, just briefly. And she tries to start the conversation sometimes, she really does. But it is frightening to realize how little she remembers of how. This is why Vision breaks the silence and she does her best to keep the conversation rolling.

Wanda tilts her head. “Cones? What cones?”

Vision straightens. “Oh, pardon me for the lack of context. I see this topic requires a little elaboration.” Enthusiasm brightens his eyes as he ponders how best to explain. He really does have nice eyes.

“The organic eye perceives light and color due to a thin layer of neurons and receptors covering its posterior wall. This layer is called the retina. The superficial layer of the retina is composed of photoreceptors, which come in two different varieties, cones and rods.”

Most of the words fly over her head, but Wanda cannot hide an amused smile as Vision adds his hands to his demonstration.

“The rods line the distal edges of the retina, providing sharp vision, while the cones cluster in the middle and supply color vision. Humans have three types of cones, each perceiving a different wavelength of light. Mantis shrimp, on the other hand, have sixteen different varieties.”

“So they see more colors?”

Vision purses his lips. “Oddly enough, no. They can see ultraviolet light, however, and a property of light called polarization. The latter is sort of the orientation of the light waves.” He holds his hands up side by side, first vertically, then horizontally.

“Hmm.” Wanda considers this, searching for a good question to ask. Her mind remains blank. It’s harder to think now that Pietro is gone, like trudging through knee deep snow with every thought.

After a few moments without a reply from Wanda, one corner of Vision’s mouth lifts. The other remains stubbornly flat, allowing him to offer her only an awkward half-smile before he ducks his head and returns to his book. It is the one expression he hasn’t figured out yet, likely because he always seems so unsure about it. As if he’s afraid to commit and show the wrong reaction.

Wanda bites her lip as silence returns to the room.

“It is quieter than usual.” She glances toward the hallway. Normally they can hear the murmur of activity floors below, but today there is an uncanny stillness. It is far quieter than even the weekend, which is only minimally less hectic than the rest of the week.

“Today is President Washington’s Birthday, a federal holiday,” Vision promptly replies.

Wanda stares at him.

He lifts his gaze and clears his throat, a little sheepish. “By which I mean no one except Agent Romanoff is working today.”

“No one else.”

“Correct.”

Wanda fiddles with her sleeves, tentatively reaching across the compound to confirm this. The only minds besides theirs are those of the security guards.

“Would… you be interested in exploring?” Vision traces the cover of his book, stealing a quick glance at Wanda’s face. “I haven’t had the chance to investigate most of the ground floor.”

Wanda looks around the library. There is nothing to do here. And the building is completely empty…

She shrugs. “I guess.”

Vision nods and stands, wiping his hands on his slacks. Despite the formality of the outfit, he looks comfortable in his vest and dress shirt. Still, he does not seem to completely grasp the idea of clothing. He hasn’t switched outfits since picking this one, choosing instead to just change the color every morning.

The moment they step from the elevator into the huge, empty lobby, Vision tenses. His eyes dart across the abandoned floor without seeming to actually see it.

“Let’s, um… Let’s go this direction.” Wanda tips her head toward the right, and Vision nods, blinking a couple times. They walk without talking, resisting the urge to tiptoe as their footsteps echo off the walls.

Most of the doors on the ground floor lead to bland offices, and the two floors above aren’t much better. The rooms are either locked, more offices, or storage.

Her flicker of anticipation for this journey has long died out and Wanda is about to give up, when they stumble across yet another storage room.

Vision examines the label on the door. “Prop storage.”

Wanda lifts an eyebrow. “Props for what?”

With a shrug, Vision opens the door, gesturing for her to enter first. The room isn’t nearly as large as some they’ve found, but it’s stacked floor-to-ceiling with boxes, totes, and assorted junk all the same. For a building only recently built and occupied, the Avengers wasted no time filling it.

Seeing only junk, Wanda turns to exit. But when she doesn’t hear footsteps behind her, she glances over her shoulder to see Vision wandering deeper inside. With a sigh, she follows, fingers trailing idly over the shelving units.

“Theatre props is the first possibility that comes to mind, but I can see no logic in it,” Vision muses, still stuck on the room name.

Smooth leather meets Wanda’s fingertips, and she stops.

Is this…?

Reaching into the shelf, she slides out a black case and sets it on the floor. Her hands find the latch by memory, and she can’t hide the triumphant smile that crosses her face as the lid opens to reveal an acoustic guitar.

“Do you play?” Vision asks, peering over her shoulder.

“I did.” Wanda traces the wooden grain and gives the steel strings a gentle pluck or two. Glancing up, she catches Vision watching her expectantly. “What?”

“Are… Are you going to play it now?” Curiosity gleams in his eyes.

Her arms ache to hold it, her fingers to slot the notes and strum the strings. The need to play it winds together with another familiar ache, just as strong. The memory of her instructor. Her mama.

“No.” Wanda shuts the case.

“Oh.” Vision frowns. “Are you sure? I don’t think anyone would mind.” He glances around the empty room.

Wanda lifts the case and slides it back onto the shelf. “I’m sure.” Her curt tone keeps away any questions.

A few minutes later, they return to the library. But Wanda’s thoughts linger in the cramped props room all day.

The next morning, she is greeted by a black leather case outside her door. Frowning, Wanda eyes the case and searches for Vision’s mind. His thoughts echo from downstairs. Wanda shakes her head and sighs. She told him she wasn’t going to play.

For a moment longer, she stares at the smooth leather, picturing the instrument inside. She bites her lip. Kneeling beside the case, she flips open the lid. The guitar lies there quietly. Inviting. Promising. A soft brush of her fingers breaks the silence with a low hum. It needs to be tuned. Wanda pulls the case into her room and closes the door behind her. Before she can change her mind, she lifts the instrument into her arms.

The guitar is lighter than she expected, than she remembered. Yet it feels just as right. The strings are strong and familiar under her fingers and the ring of the notes resounds in her chest. The ache, the itch to play becomes louder than the need to avoid digging up old grief.

This floor really does belong to her and Vision, so no one will hear if she plays a few chords. None of the other rooms have ever been used, not even the offices, and not a single employee dares journey up here. Wanda feels the frantic spikes of fear in their minds on the rare occasions she enters their domain downstairs; it doesn’t take much to put two and two together and realize she has been isolated on purpose.

Normally, it would anger her. Normally, she would give them a piece of her mind. But she’s tired, and she is grateful for the solitude. For the quiet.

Especially today, when there is no one to hear her and ask questions, such as who taught her to play, or what the song is, or why she chose such a “sad” chord.

Wanda frets a D minor. She strums the waiting strings.

And finally the world fades away as she falls into the music.

----------

If the days are long and suffocating, the nights are worse. Darkness falls and Wanda lies awake, sleeping fitfully or not at all. The nightmares are fewer, but still she can’t sleep. Insomnia, Vision calls it.

But she avoids the subject, because she can’t talk about how her sleeping mind seeks out the comfort of his, diving into the ocean of gold when the nightmares start. Or how even her few good dreams take place on the seashore now. It’s too much, too close. Too personal to put into words.

There’s something about Vision. Wanda doesn’t understand it, but his mind and soul glow brighter than any she’s ever seen before. And somehow he and she are connected.

Yet every morning, she wakes and reminds herself she can’t lean on the comfort and reassurance he so willingly offers. What if she grows to need it? What if she begins to need him, and like everyone else in her life, he is taken away? She’ll be left behind again. Left alone.

She always is.

Wanda stares at the ceiling, her own breath too loud in her ears, nearly as loud as the thoughts burning in her mind. Flinging the covers aside, she slips from bed. There will be no sleep tonight.

The digital clock reads 2:11 AM. She walks just to move, to do something. She can’t outrun her own mind. But she can try.

Wanda tiptoes down the darkened hallway. The elevator looms ahead, and she stops. Down? No. The last thing she wants is to run into an obsessive employee working late into the night.

So up, then.

The doors open onto the rooftop and Wanda steps blinking from the harshly lit elevator. Slowly, her eyes adjust to the gentler light of the night. One by one, like frightened children, stars surface in the sky above, outlining a figure stationed at the building’s edge. His cape swirls softly in the brisk February wind.

She does not have to guess who it is.

Always, she and Vision end up together. In the library. Here. Are they really so similar that they seek the same places? Or did she search for him subconsciously? (She suspects it wouldn’t be the first time.) Or was it the invisible thread pulling them, a connection she can’t comprehend born from the moment she looked into his mind as he lay dreaming in the cradle. Part of him was still Ultron then. But Vision was there. She felt it.

Wanda steps quietly across the concrete. She stops just behind Vision, unwilling to disturb him but reluctant to go inside.

“I was disappointed to hear the New Avengers team would not be based at Stark Tower,” Vision says suddenly.

Stark. Wanda bites back a scoff. His disappointment is not mutual.

“It has nothing to do with Mr. Stark,” Vision continues, guessing her thoughts. “It is only that I have a certain… fondness for his view of the city lights.” He stares out over the dark countryside and she joins him, standing a couple feet from the edge. “They represent the life of the city, spread across the streets below. Still bright despite the hour, shining on both those awake and those peacefully slumbering. Pushing back the night like guardian angels. Providing a sense of comfort and safety.”

Vision’s words have the rhythm of poetry. His eyes glow softly like the light he paints such a reverent picture of. Wanda watches the serene blue spill over his pensive expression. In his light, she sees comfort. Safety. Just as he says. She looks away.

“There are more stars here, though.” Wanda nods toward the sky above. “You can’t see them in the city.”

Vision cranes his neck, searching the galaxies spread across the darkness. “But they’re so very far away,” he whispers. Curling his long legs beneath him, he sinks to the concrete, his head still tilted back to stare above.

Wanda stands in silence. She doesn’t know how to answer. Why his expression is so sorrowful or how to fix it. She doesn’t understand the source of his pain. But the ache of watching stars at night… This she understands. No matter how brightly, how beautifully they shine, they always burn out.

Wanda traces a meteor as it streaks across the sky and disappears from view.

Some stars even fall.

After a moment, Wanda sits beside Vision and pulls her knees to her chest.

The brilliant, glimmering show of the galaxies unfolds above them, millions of light years away. They watch until it melts before the threat of the morning light. Until every trace fades as if it were never there.

They do not say anything.

----------

Knock knock.

Stifling a groan, Wanda rolls out of bed and stumbles to the door.

“Hello.” Vision offers her a smile and a mug of coffee. The smile is as tentative as always, lifting only half his mouth. But a new light in his eyes makes up for it. “Good morning, Miss Maximoff.”

“Wanda,” she reminds him, accepting the steaming cup. She barely remembers to mumble her thanks before taking a long drink. Vision, as it turns out, is a much better coffee brewer than whoever made the burnt, bitter monstrosity.

Vision nods his acknowledgement. Is it just her grogginess, or does he hold his shoulders higher? Not with tension but with… confidence. He meets her eyes eagerly, boldly. As if he truly wants to be here. With her.

But maybe it’s just her imagination.

Vision’s gaze flickers past Wanda and into her room, just briefly. A sudden twinge of guilt twists in her chest. She didn’t join him in the library yesterday. In fact, after he delivered her morning coffee, she didn’t see him at all until nighttime. When they met on the rooftop under the stars.

She had spent all her time with the guitar, letting it pull her in and awaken an all-consuming desire to relearn the sound of the notes and the feel of the rhythm. To reclaim a piece of herself. And to be honest, she has no desire to share something so personal with anyone else. But Vision brought her the instrument. He gave her the push she needed to actually play it. It is only fair she let him hear a little.

Wanda takes another sip of her coffee to hide a sudden smile. With eyes as lively and curious as his, how could she say no? Lowering her mug, she clears her throat. “Also, thank you. For the guitar. I would not have gone back for it myself.”

“You are most welcome.”

She shifts from one foot to the other, suddenly nervous. “Would you… want to hear it?”

“Oh, yes please! If you don’t mind.” Those blue eyes Wanda can’t stop noticing glimmer with childish enthusiasm, and some of her hesitancy fades. She opens the door a bit wider and returns to her seat on the bed. Vision follows, gaze darting across the room, hands wringing. He stops just inside the doorway.

Breathing deeply, Wanda bends her head and focuses on her breathing. With each inhale and exhale, another piece of the world around her fades. Vision’s presence, the hum of activity floors below, the heater’s droning buzz. Her fingers slide down the polished fret. The strings bite into her sore fingertips, but the notes she plucks are clean and crisp.

They ring slowly and distinctly at first, each with a bold and individual voice. After a few measures the melody begins to grow, building and expanding beat by beat. Notes find their places, melding with their harmonies in a tune mounting in complexity. The volume, the tension builds until all the notes weave together, their voices joining in a single resounding chord that ends the song.

Wanda smiles to herself. The hours spent perfecting that piece and her red, aching fingertips are well worth it. Glancing up, she falters at the sight of Vision’s face. His eyes are wide and awestruck, as if she just performed a baffling magic trick. Though quite proud of herself, she must admit the tune isn’t particularly difficult or beautiful. But Vision’s expression says he thinks otherwise.

His gaze leaps from her, to the guitar, and back. “How did you do that?”

“I just… press my fingers here...” Surely he knows how guitars work.

“No, how did your hands move with such swiftness and precision? And in perfect coordination with each other?”

Her face reddens. “It wasn’t perfect.”

He stares at her hands. “It was entrancing.”

Wanda fidgets with the tuning pegs, embarrassed by his unabashed honesty and admiration. “Anyone could learn that.” The image of Vision poring over encyclopedias and old novels jumps to the front of her mind. “You could.”

His eyes snap to hers. “Oh, I truly don’t think so...”

“Would you like to try?”

“I-I wouldn’t want to impose.”

Giving him an encouraging smile, Wanda nods toward the bedspread next to her. The guitar looks small and delicate in Vision’s large hands as he carefully accepts it from her, propping it against his knee in an imitation of her posture. Awkward and uncertain, he looks to Wanda for guidance.

“Alright. The basics are mostly form and knowledge of the notes. The first string is an ‘E.’” She nods to him. He finds and plucks it. “Good. By holding the string against the board there at the top of the neck, you will make another note.” The “F” Vision plucks twangs brassy and flat. “You’ll have to press harder.”

He nods, brow furrowing as he applies more pressure and tries again. The note rings clear and musical.

“Good. To make a chord, press with more than one finger. The E minor is your second and third fingers on the second fret, fifth and fourth strings.” Her fingers curve around the empty air, miming the placement.

It takes her a moment to notice the wide-eyed look he gives her.

Wanda’s about to suggest they stick with single notes for now, when Vision cranes his neck and stares at the fretboard. “Second and third fingers,” he whispers to himself. His long, elegant fingers are strangely clumsy on the strings, fumbling to find the position.

“Second fret,” Wanda reminds him. She bites her lip as she watches him struggle. “Here.” She reaches for his hand. And just a moment too late, she remembers his aversion to touch.

Her fingers brush his and he jumps as if struck by electricity, the instrument nearly slipping from his grasp as he yanks his hand away.

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” Wanda apologizes, face flushing bright red. Vision set a boundary through his careful actions, and she crossed it. It’s no way to repay someone who has been nothing but overwhelmingly kind to her. I didn’t mean to, I am so sorry-

“No, no, I must apologize. I honestly didn’t mean to respond in such a manner.” Guilt and horror at his own reaction chases the shock from Vision’s face. He looks just as sorry as she feels.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s my fault. I should have asked.” Her entire face burns. He’s so new and inexperienced, more frightened and unsure than she probably knows.

“You only surprised me. I-” Vision stares down at the instrument in his hands. He takes a deep breath and his shoulders loosen downward a fraction of an inch. “I actually would like you to show me. The chord, that is.”

Glancing nervously toward his hands, Wanda bites her lip again. “M-may I?”

Vision’s irises rotate just once. She sees the moment he chooses to trust her. “Yes.”

His fingers are rigid and cold as she gently nudges them in the right direction, trying to keep her own hands from shaking as she explains how the notes fit together. He follows her guidance as best he can, the stiffness never leaving his hands. When Wanda checks out the corner of her eye, his jaw is just as tense as his arms. But then he glances at her, just briefly. And his eyes are soft and open. Longing, almost.

There is so much she does not understand about him. His sorrow the night before, his fear of people and touch. The hidden shame she’s just starting to hear behind his words. But there are some things that make sense now. There are some things she knows.

He trusts her. The realization startles Wanda in how sudden and obvious it is. He talks about his interests to her, lets her see the nervous and scared parts of him. He lets her guide his hand across the strings, despite the measures he takes to avoid even casual contact in the hallway.

Vision trusts her. But he doesn’t trust anyone else, and she knows exactly why. The few instances she’s seen him interact with others flash through her mind. Yes, he chooses to keep his distance, even during conversations, and never once has she seen him shake someone’s hand. But now that she thinks about it, she’s also never seen anyone offer him a handshake.

The people of Sokovia had avoided touching urchins such as Wanda and Pietro like they carried a disease. And isn’t Vision just like they were? Isn’t he new, and uncertain, and afraid, just like a child? Sent into the world alone just like an orphan?

Anger burns in her chest. S.H.I.E.L.D. was supposed to take care of Vision, but they handed him off. Dropped him at the doorstep of the compound, where he is ignored and avoided by every employee. Where he is nothing to the Avengers but another recruit to whip into shape.

Wanda may not know them well, but she is certain the Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D. would not abandon a child. No, if a child was placed in their care, they would guide and nurture him, providing whatever he needed as he struggled to learn and develop. As he tried to discover who he was. And if they could not provide this, they would place him with someone who could. They would not fail a child the way they have failed Vision.

Do they really not see him?

“Perhaps I am capable of learning to play an instrument,” -Vision’s voice pushes Wanda’s thoughts aside, pulling her back to the present- “But I think I shall leave the music to one with more skill.” He gives her the half-smile, and her heart breaks a little.

She shakes her head slowly, trying to refocus. “You are not so bad.”

Vision passes the guitar to her. “Could I hear another song?” He asks so shyly, and a soft affection fills her heart.

Wanda shrugs, settling the guitar in her lap. “I guess it is not yet time for training. One more.” Her fingers move almost on their own as a flurry of thoughts continues to tumble through her mind. She feels Vision watching her contentedly, open admiration written across his face.

He is so young, so eager and afraid all at once. So desperate to make a connection and find something to hold onto. He needs more than someone to ask questions of and tell unusual facts. He needs direction, to be introduced to experiences and the world outside this building, just as he so strongly desires.

The Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D. have failed him, completely. Forgotten him.

Wanda will not.

#scarletvision #wanda maximoff #vision #fanfiction #ao3 #fanfic #mine

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letterboxd · 4 years ago

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Boxing On.

Chick Fight star and former competitive figure skater Malin Åkerman tells Gemma Gracewood about the meditative power of boxing, how Margot Robbie inspired her to become a producer, and her adoration for Tilda Swinton.

One of film’s earliest preserved specimens is The Gordon Sisters Boxing (1901), a 90-second curio in which sisters Bessie and Minnie Gordon go at it with boxing gloves, in full petticoats, in front of a genteel scene of a formal garden with fountain centerpiece. It’s theatrical yet strangely thrilling, possibly because women’s fight films are few and far between.

There’s 2004’s po-faced, Oscar-winning Million Dollar Baby, Priyanka Chopra’s 2014 turn as Indian boxing star Mary Kom, and last year’s Fighting with My Family, a good-time, must-see starring our girl Florence Pugh as a pro wrestler. But a global sports-fighting industry stacked with female champs hasn’t really translated into big screen chick-fights. The best woman-on-woman fight scenes are usually contained in narrative action (the airplane scrap between KiKi Layne and Charlize Theron in The Old Guard was one of 2020’s highlights on that front).

And that’s, in part, what attracted actor and emerging producer Malin Åkerman to Chick Fight, a story set around a secret underground women’s fight club founded by a therapist to give her patients a physical outlet for their rage. “I love boxing,” says Åkerman. “It’s not a man’s sport. It’s an everyman’s sport, it’s an everywoman’s sport. It’s a very cathartic experience for me because afterwards I feel like I’ve gotten everything out.”

Åkerman plays Anna, a 40-something financial and emotional disaster whose bestie introduces her to the club once she hits rock bottom. That friend, Charleen, is played winningly by comedian Dulcé Sloan, with a fun turn by Fortune Feimster as the fight club referee, plus Alec Baldwin as Anna’s booze-loving trainer, and former WWE star Kevin Nash as her recently out father.

Malin Åkerman and Alec Baldwin in ‘Chick Fight’.

Though she has has starred in more than 40 films, Åkerman is new to producing (Friendsgiving is her other film out this month). The hunt for projects she could take the lead on began after the jolt of missing out on a role uniquely suited to her: Tonya Harding in I, Tonya. “I grew up as a figure skater, I competed nationally in Canada for ten years,” Åkerman says, recalling that she hit up her team: “I just said, ‘How come I didn’t even get called in for this?’ And they said, ‘Well, because Margot Robbie built it from the ground up. She produced it.’ I went ‘aaah’ and a light bulb went up over me and I went, ‘Alright, that’s it, I just have to take things into my own hands and start finding material’.”

Chick Fight was scripted by first-time feature writer Joseph Downey, who strives to create female-led stories. Some aspects feel contrived—a rivalry between Anna and Bella Thorne’s Olivia in particular; Alec Baldwin in general—but Åkerman worked with director Paul Leyden, a good friend, to enhance “the female perspective and the female voice” in the script. This comes across in scenes between Anna and Charleen, which tingle with no-bullshit connection. “I think that the important message in this film was sisterhood. It’s so important to focus on the fact that women supporting women has so much power and strength. We need to stick together and we need to be this force of unity.”

In the pursuit of more projects, her lockdown has been a whirl of Zoom meetings with potential writers—a silver lining of the pandemic. “I’ve had time to focus on searching for new material. Just taking the bull by the horns and creating the material that [I] wanna create. That is the way to go.” Åkerman herself is partial to “films that breathe”, giving No Country for Old Men, Babel and Call Me by Your Name as examples. “I just think there is so much art involved in those types of films.” Javier Bardem and Tilda Swinton stand out in her “Rolodex of actors” as particular fascinations. “Anything Tilda does, I will watch.”

Malin Åkerman, Dulcé Sloan and director Paul Leyden on the set of ‘Chick Fight’.

Those films and artists, Åkerman readily adds, are “a long shot from the kinds of genres I usually get myself involved in”. Chick Fight, on the other hand, fits neatly in the Åkerman universe—a breezy comedy that balances silly training montages with meatier questions. While above ground, it looks like a classic comedy, the underground cage fights are filmed at high-speed to allow for the visceral, glossy slow-mo shots that come part-and-parcel with today’s movie fights—roundhouse kicks, fists meeting bones, spit and blood flying—and sound effects to match. “That guttural, animal instinct is so amazing to be able to release,” Åkerman enthuses.

It feels important to note, given the David Fincher elephant in the room, that Chick Fight’s only commonality with Fight Club is the three words “secret fight club”. Åkerman says the films that more directly influenced Chick Fight are Rocky (“this is the comedic version of that underdog story”), and the buddy-movie vibe of Thelma & Louise. “That’s the closest to this that we could get. It’s that ‘enough is enough’ feeling. I just love that film. It’s, like, ‘Fuck the system and fuck society as it’s been created and told us to be and not to be. Let’s break down those barriers’.”

The Thelma & Louise connection feels especially strong in Anna’s very sudden economic descent from small business owner to evicted, unemployed and dispossessed. It’s a clear-eyed statement, in the middle of a comedy, on the lack of a social safety net in America, particularly for women—and on the importance of finding your own community (and for many, choosing your own family).

Åkerman was born in Sweden and raised in Canada; both are countries with stronger systems in place for social support, and pro-women policies. “Everything seems a bit more logical over there.” On pandemic-ridden, post-election America, she says, “That's been really interesting, to take into account what kind of country we’re actually living in and what needs to be worked on. I hope that we continue to move forward and not backwards as far as women and equality goes.”

Among the many downsides of the coronavirus pandemic, one is the closure of gyms and sports clubs, an inconvenient side-effect at a time when exercise—an outlet for stress and frustration—is so beneficial for mental-health management. Which brings us back to the joy of boxing: “Most of us have so much on our minds; life is so full of anxiety, or stresses, and it’s so hard to shut that off.”

“Some people are able to shut up their brains by actually sitting and meditating. My brain just gets much louder when I do that, so if I am able to just concentrate on not getting hit in the face, I am completely out of my mind and in my body.”

Related content

Zoe Bell’s quarantine Boss Bitch Fight Challenge, featuring Scarlett Johansson, Halle Berry, Drew Barrymore, Lucy Lawless, Margot Robbie and more

Female Friendships in Film—a list by Vanina

Female Friendship by Female Directors—a list by Vee

Showdown: Fight Club—the best two-person duels in movie history

Follow Gemma on Letterboxd

‘Chick Fight’ is in theaters and on demand in the US now.

#chick fight #malin akerman #fight club #underground fight club #boxing #kickboxing #boxing film #alec baldwin #dulce sloan #fortune feimster #women make movies #letterboxd

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somegirlsnerdywords2 · 4 years ago

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Anime i’ve Watched

That begin with a S (Part 2)!

Yep this is how i’m going to bring over all the anime and manga i’ve watched and posted about on the old blog. It’s not so detailed but it will have to do. Anything new I watch or read from this point on will have their own posts.

Shimoneta to Iu Gainen ga Sonzai Shinai Taikutsu na Sekai:

Genres: Comedy, Ecchi, School

Synopsis: With the introduction of strict new morality laws, Japan has become a nation cleansed of all that is obscene and impure. By monitoring citizens using special devices worn around their necks, authorities have taken extreme measures to ensure that society remains chaste. In this world of sexual suppression, Tanukichi Okuma—son of an infamous terrorist who opposed the chastity laws—has just entered high school, offering his help to the student council in order to get close to president Anna Nishikinomiya, his childhood friend and crush. Little does he know that the vice president Ayame Kajou has a secret identity: Blue Snow, a masked criminal dedicated to spreading lewd material amongst the sheltered public—and Tanukichi has caught the girl's interest due to his father's notoriety. Soon, Tanukichi is dragged into joining her organization called SOX, where he is forced to spread obscene propaganda, helping to launch an assault against the government's oppressive rule. With their school set as the first point of attack, Tanukichi will have to do the unthinkable when he realizes that their primary target is the person he admires most. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 7/10

Finished airing in 2015 with a total of 12 episodes.

My Thoughts: Super pervy but surprisingly funny and somewhat enjoyable. The only character that really made me cringe hard and want to tear my eyes out and scrub my brain was Anna... she was just too much. Just no. Not one i’d suggest or am likely to watch again but if it’s your thing, go for it.

Shingeki no Kyojin (Attack on Titan):

Genres: Action, Military, Mystery, Super Power, Drama, Fantasy, Shounen

Synopsis: Centuries ago, mankind was slaughtered to near extinction by monstrous humanoid creatures called titans, forcing humans to hide in fear behind enormous concentric walls. What makes these giants truly terrifying is that their taste for human flesh is not born out of hunger but what appears to be out of pleasure. To ensure their survival, the remnants of humanity began living within defensive barriers, resulting in one hundred years without a single titan encounter. However, that fragile calm is soon shattered when a colossal titan manages to breach the supposedly impregnable outer wall, reigniting the fight for survival against the man-eating abominations. After witnessing a horrific personal loss at the hands of the invading creatures, Eren Yeager dedicates his life to their eradication by enlisting into the Survey Corps, an elite military unit that combats the merciless humanoids outside the protection of the walls. Based on Hajime Isayama's award-winning manga, Shingeki no Kyojin follows Eren, along with his adopted sister Mikasa Ackerman and his childhood friend Armin Arlert, as they join the brutal war against the titans and race to discover a way of defeating them before the last walls are breached. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 9/10

Finished airing in 2013 with a total of 25 episodes.

My Thoughts: The first season was a damn near masterpiece and it’s rise in popularity was no shock after watching it. Amazing opening theme, fitting art/ style and a pretty interesting story. This is the type of anime that i’d likely suggest to someone who isn’t actually all that interested in anime.

Shingeki no Kyojin Season 2 (Attack on Titan Seaon 2):

Genres: Action, Military, Mystery, Super Power, Drama, Fantasy, Shounen

Synopsis: For centuries, humanity has been hunted by giant, mysterious predators known as the Titans. Three mighty walls—Wall Maria, Rose, and Sheena—provided peace and protection for humanity for over a hundred years. That peace, however, was shattered when the Colossus Titan and Armored Titan appeared and destroyed the outermost wall, Wall Maria. Forced to retreat behind Wall Rose, humanity waited with bated breath for the Titans to reappear and destroy their safe haven once more. In Shingeki no Kyojin Season 2, Eren Yeager and others of the 104th Training Corps have just begun to become full members of the Survey Corps. As they ready themselves to face the Titans once again, their preparations are interrupted by the invasion of Wall Rose—but all is not as it seems as more mysteries are unraveled. As the Survey Corps races to save the wall, they uncover more about the invading Titans and the dark secrets of their own members. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 7.5/10

Finished airing in 2017 with a total of 12 episodes.

My Thoughts: I have a very love/ hate sort of relationship with every season of this anime after the first. I still find it to be an extremely interesting anime and story that’s quite well done but certain negatives keep popping up as i’m watching, things I can’t quite ignore. Still pretty good series overall though.

Shingeki no Kyojin Season 3 (Attack on Titan Season 3):

Genres: Action, Military, Mystery, Super Power, Drama, Fantasy, Shounen

Synopsis: Still threatened by the "Titans" that rob them of their freedom, mankind remains caged inside the two remaining walls. Efforts to eradicate these monsters continue; however, threats arise not only from the Titans beyond the walls, but from the humans within them as well. After being rescued from the Colossal and Armored Titans, Eren Yaeger devotes himself to improving his Titan form. Krista Lenz struggles to accept the loss of her friend, Captain Levi chooses Eren and his friends to form his new personal squad, and Commander Erwin Smith recovers from his injuries. All seems well for the soldiers, until the government suddenly demands custody of Eren and Krista. The Survey Corps' recent successes have drawn attention, and a familiar face from Levi's past is sent to collect the wanted soldiers. Sought after by the government, Levi and his new squad must evade their adversaries in hopes of keeping Eren and Krista safe. In Shingeki no Kyojin Season 3, Eren and his fellow soldiers are not only fighting for their survival against the terrifying Titans, but also against the terror of a far more conniving foe: humans. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 8/10

Finished airing in 2018 with a total of 12 episodes.

My Thoughts: I just don’t really care for the characters... I mean I don’t hate them but that connection just isn’t there. Which may be a large part in why I don’t LOVE this series. Still, this season was a bit better than the previous one.

Shingeki no Kyojin Season 3 Part 2 (Attack on Titan Season 3 Part 2):

Genres: Military, shounen, action, Mystery, Super Power, Drama, Fantasy

Synopsis: Seeking to restore humanity’s diminishing hope, the Survey Corps embark on a mission to retake Wall Maria, where the battle against the merciless "Titans" takes the stage once again.

Returning to the tattered Shiganshina District that was once his home, Eren Yeager and the Corps find the town oddly unoccupied by Titans. Even after the outer gate is plugged, they strangely encounter no opposition. The mission progresses smoothly until Armin Arlert, highly suspicious of the enemy's absence, discovers distressing signs of a potential scheme against them.

Shingeki no Kyojin Season 3 Part 2 follows Eren as he vows to take back everything that was once his. Alongside him, the Survey Corps strive—through countless sacrifices—to carve a path towards victory and uncover the secrets locked away in the Yeager family's basement.

[Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 9/10

Finished airing in 2019 with a total of 10 episodes.

My Thoughts: That’s the stuff. That’s the stuff I loved about the very first season of the anime. A vast improvment from the previous two seasons in my opinion!

Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku (Attack on Titan: No Regrets):

Genres: OVA, Action, Fantasy

Synopsis: Many years before becoming the famed captain of the Survey Corps, a young Levi struggles to survive in the capital's garbage dump, the Underground. As the boss of his own criminal operation, Levi attempts to get by with meager earnings while aided by fellow criminals, Isabel Magnolia and Farlan Church. With little hope for the future, Levi accepts a deal from the anti-expedition faction leader Nicholas Lobov, who promises the trio citizenship aboveground if they are able to successfully assassinate Erwin Smith, a squad leader of the Survey Corps. As Levi and Erwin cross paths, Erwin acknowledges Levi's agility and skill and gives him the option to either become part of the expedition team, or be turned over to the Military Police, to atone for his crimes. Now closer to the man they are tasked to kill, the group plans to complete their mission and save themselves from a grim demise in the dim recesses of their past home. However, they are about to learn that the surface world is not as liberating as they had thought and that sometimes, freedom can come at a heavy price. Based on the popular spin-off manga of the same name, Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku illustrates the encounter between two of Shingeki no Kyojin's pivotal characters, as well as the events of the 23rd expedition beyond the walls. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 7/10

Finished airing in 2015 with a total of 2 episodes.

My Thoughts: I love Levi, he’s probably the only character I really care all that much about in this series but I just didn’t love this OVA!

#Anime #Shimoneta to iu gainen ga sonzai shinai taikutsu na sekai #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #attack on titan: no regrets

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punkinroses · 4 years ago

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My brain refuses to shut up so here we go, more ramblings about the Avatar Lian storyline lets go.

I really, really wanna like explore the idea that was posted on the old nick website and was claimed by the writers to be the original idea of the Avatar being the embodiment of the planets spirit. I have so many ideas for what it could entail and I think that's the direction I'm heading in for this rather than the Raava and Vaatu storyline. While I don't hate or dislike the original Avatar Wan storyline done in Korra, I feel like this is the best route to take this fic in and hey, if I'm gonna make an au, why not go full force into it.

I still stand by the idea that Toph created Pro Bending with Sokka. They absolutely did that. I'm torn because I want Toph to be like that bitch that's still running her Metalbending school because I feel like she would but also her fucking off into the swamp where no one can bug her also felt super in character.

I kinda think it could be interesting if there is actually beef between her and the police force of Republic City because she doesn't like them using her Metalbending and she is constantly stirring up trouble for them. Especially because she hates the chief and I may be getting into that into the fic but I'm uhh I'm gonna put a pin in that.

The only thing that really is gonna like. Stick around from the comics is Republic City and the Republic Nation and something akin to how its formed in the comics, the legend of Lady Tienhai, and the Air Acolytes. Mostly because there's a uh there's a lot from the comics that just...I dunno 😬. There might be some changes to the formation of Republic City but there's some deep dives I gotta do to plot shit out.

If Zuko finds his Mom, it definitely ain't gonna be how it was in the comics I'm sorry I can't. Though the Mother of Faces?? Beautiful design and lore.

Azula hasn't been seen by Zuko or any of the gaang in many years. She escaped and ran away a few years after the end of the war. But I'm toying with how I'd want her to appear.

Aang! Has! Fucking! Energybending! And! Sky! Bison! He was able to help unlock airbending to bring back the Airbenders and to try and rebuild and help give birth to a new era of Airbenders. Because. He's the one who has to restore balance. As the Avatar. And he absolutely could have done this. I will die on that hill.

Two characters who actually become airbenders are Ty Lee and Teo. I feel like we all forget about Teo and he was a good kid and Aang even said he had the spirit of an Airbender so why not make him an Airbender. And Ty Lee is just. Obvious. Maybe her sisters even become Airbenders or certain ones do but I don't know.

Sokka had students of his own who wanted to learn how to fight with weapons rather than bending. It wasn't a big, formal school, but he was very happy to do this.

The Kyoshi Warriors continued to help around the different nations wherever they were needed and are still basically just an all women superhero team of the Avatar World, making Kyoshi proud. And Suki still holds a really like high honored position amongst them and likes to go out with them still.

Also I refuse to accept that Suki "died young". I'm sorry, but it's funny they think Suki would fucking let death take her. She laughs at the thought.

Katara is an amazing Fire Lady and works hard to make better progress changes for them while doing her best to help her home in the Southern Water Tribe and finding a balance between both. I think she also tries to make strives, being inspired by Aang and her home, to look into old traditions of the Fire Nation before the war, perhaps helps revitalize old holidays that they didn't get to celebrate anymore. She wants to see this nation heal from the effects of the war that hurt everyone involved really.

Moving onto like the "third generation" thoughts, i.e. Lians generation:

Lian and Jesa are basically best friends and have alwayd had this instant connection with each other. So it makes sense that when Lian runs off to make her own Avatar journey, her best friend comes with her.

The White Lotus is uh Not Having That. They've already had to wait 16 years for her to be told and trained -- because Katara herself would have killed them for forcing her into a role she would not be ready for as a tODDLER because she knew what it had done to Aang -- and they believed she has to be kept with them and for them to choose bending masters for her to learn from.

So it's them actively trying to hunt her and Jesa down to bring them back -- something Kyas sons are actually running interference for.

I think Lian really wants to see the world and have new experiences because she knew how important it was to her grandparents and now it's her also trying to connect with her past lives by doing what Aang and other Avatars had done, while also figuring out for herself what kind of Avatar she wants to be.

I'm also really excited to explore the contrasting family dynamics between Lian and Jesas families. Lians family is very close knit, and supportive and stick together through a lot. Jesas family has a lot of strained relationships between each other and hasn't done much to repair those relationships and her getting to kind of discover what happened.

Movers have been around for ~2 decades by the time of this and I really want there to be like an early film adaptation of the Ember Island Play. I don't know why. I just think it'd be funny.

Adding onto that quick note too, I think this worlds version of television may be starting to be created at a later point in the story just because that could be kinda neat.

I do wanna do different maybe even mini chapters that show what some of the other grandkids are up to that will connect into the overarching storyline

I'm really excited to go into the topics of who Lians Earthbending and Firebending teachers are going to be for her Team Avatar and to see who else may join up with them.

I just really kinda needed to ramble a little bit and I know it's not as in depth on the second gen but yeah just some thoughts

#avatar lian #avatar #avatar au #atla #atla au #zutara au

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sphinxsmuses-archived · 4 years ago

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ooc: All Available Muses/Characters!

Fandomless:

Aiux Umbrangeli (An assassin who has been trained since she was a child. She wields the ability to create objects out of shadows as well as hide in them. Emotionless and unfeeling towards her target but awkward around others)

Pirates/One Piece OCs:

Kishi MacAuley (The self proclaimed Captain of an all girl pirate crew calling themselves the Love Seekers. Kishi is hyper and boy crazy as well as a tad reckless, willing to go through any danger if it means finding cute guys and treasure along the way)

Madeline O’ Raleigh (Goes by Maddy. The scowl faced First Mate of Kishi’s crew. Grew up with Kishi at an orphanage. She is the main fighter of the crew as well, wielding two swords. No one knows why Maddy seems grumpy all the time)

Julia Frost (The Navigator of the crew and the most level headed. Julia is a governor’s daughter who decided to run from home and ended up joining the pirates before realizing they were calling themselves pirates. Likely the one brain cell that works in the entire crew)

Fandomless Ninja/Naruto:

Midori Ryu (A clumsy, scared ninja girl who one would possibly say is the worst ninja ever. Belonging to a clan who believes dragons exist and mimic them through their techniques. Wants to make her clan proud.)

Fate Series:

Emilia Clarimond (A Fate Master OC. Emilia comes from a family of mages who decided she would be the first to fight for the grail in hopes she would make their family famous. But Emilia has other plans. Also has a Fairy Tail verse in the Alt. Verse page)

My Hero Academia:

Kyana Aeira (A wannabe heroine with the ability to conjure fire. Easily excitable and tends to rush into fights without thinking but wants to help the world and has a big heart. Can be fandomless and fit in other superhero settings. Also has Endeavor’s Daughter AU verse!)

Kalliphae Myressei (A moth woman with the ability to heal others using a powder that emits from her. She is a princess of a far off kingdom. Acts with a noble air and always tries to follow her heart. Has a My Hero Academia verse where she is a assistant teacher/nurse.)

Tia “Usagi” Faye (Bubbly kind of girly girl whose quirk is magnetism. She can make anything she touches become magnetic, even things that aren’t normally something you can stick magnets to like trees. She uses this alongside rollerblading to fight and calls herself Usagi for the jump tricks she can pull off while blading around. A student at UA.)

Yugioh:

Miyuki Tenshi (A sweet, innocent duelist who uses a deck with angelic creatures revolving around the Sanctuary in the Sky card. She has a duel spirit, Happy Lover, and has yet to meet anyone else with one or that can see her. Has a Angel and Fairy verses in the Alt. Verses page.)

Aku Yazoi (A hot tempered but secretly sweet duelist who becomes flustered from compliments and cute girls. His deck he calls Nightmare Fuel, his key card being Dark End Dragon. Can be fandomless)

Fandomless:

Iyumi Akuma (A bratty, whiny, wannabe queen with high delusions. She can be a major pain, demanding attention or demanding servants but deep down wants a king to serve and be submissive towards. Can change to be better with time.)

Chloe Thaleia (Mischievous thief from a family of thieves looking for her older brother who left home when she was a child. Will steal from you playfully then give it back once she’s caught. Has a magical greatsword she stole that can use the four elements but she has no idea how to use it.)

Aiolos Thaleia (Older brother of Chloe. After witnessing his uncle (who had taught them all they know about being a thief) break the family code by murdering someone, he decided to go on a different path and leave the family. He strives to be a knight or a guard, something he sees as more honorable.)

Final Fantasy 7:

Xia Malificia (A flirtatious, mischievous girl who used to live in Sector 5 but grew sick of her overprotective parents and living poorly and ran away. She used her beauty and charm to con people out of money before finding and getting hired by the Honeybee Inn. Now she is a singer there as well as a bee girl and is still up to her old tricks. Can be fandomless!)

League of Legends:

Shay Pierina (A Vastaya cat girl from the deserts of Shurima. She was found in a small village there as an orphaned child and was raised by a kind human. She has the ability to control sand and manipulate it to form whatever she can imagine. She wants to one day be a guard for the Emperor. Has a FF14 verse where she is a Warrior of Light from Ul’dah.)

Monster Hunter:

Sonafuwa (A Paolumu who gained the ability to turn human. Sonafuwa is shy and tends to stay in the trees and away from hunters so she won’t get hunted. When she meets someone friendly, she becomes more calm and is happy to make a new friend)

Sakura (A Pink Rathian that gained the ability to turn human. Territorial at first but can become friendly if she sees the other means no harm. Prissy and doesn’t mind Hunters so long as she isn’t their target.)

Pokemon:

Piper/Peeps(An Altaira Gijinka girl who can’t speak human very well and tends to just say Peep or chirp or hum. Very innocent and naive and loves to give hugs to people and can be a tad air-headed.)

Final Fantasy 14:

Orabella Kalon(A shy Elezen Summoner from the First world. A scholar of Crystarium, Orabella decided to travel to study the magic of the world and stumbled into the pixie land, becoming captured until one day she was suddenly freed. Now she wanders with new pixie friends, still set on studying. Also has a fandomless verse.)

Demon Slayer:

Christina Terrwyn (A young Demon Slayer who was taught everything she knows by her retired dad. A tad hyper and reckless, she finds slaying exhilarating and exciting but also aims to protect her family including her two younger sisters)

Fire Emblem Three Houses:

Diana Fotieni (A student at the Academy under the Blue Lions house training to become a knight one day. She is studious and trains hard, seeming always serious but holds a secret soft side to her once one gets to know her better. Has a Pokemon Sword/Shield verse as a trainer.)

Fandomless:

Ourania Thanos (A dragon that can turn into a human. Cocky, egotistical, and loves to show off to others. Loves to fight people just to fight strong opponents and also loves to eat lots of meat and drinks lots of ale. Has a Monster Hunter verse where she is a Jinouga gijinka)

Nikki Irving (An oddball Alchemist of a girl who stumbled upon a cursed Eldritch Being who had been shrunk and turned into a tiny octopus. She decided to keep it as a pet, named it Tickles, and has no idea it is slowly influencing her mind.)

Colette Eirina (Princess of Maas Kingdom and a rather air headed one at that. A hopeless romantic who reads tons of romance novels and is very naive but a sweet and kind person willing to help others. Though she mainly needs help herself.)

#ooc #all available muses #all available characters #more under keep reading #updated list #if we have a thread with a muse that isn't up there #no need to worry #I will still do threads with them #I just don't want to make my muse list bigger than it already is #lol

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kalle-and-lita · 6 years ago

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Homecoming Pt. 2

Forewarning, this piece of work contains my own interpretations of characters and no one else. Therefore Konrad Curze, Horus, or any other canon character is under my interpretation with OCS like Atina from @goddessatina were used with permission. Thank you and enjoy~~

Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip.

Lita couldn't tell where it was coming from, and because it was hard to tell the passage of time in her cell, she couldn't even begin to tell when it had started.

Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip.

The cell was pitch black, which unnerved her a bit. She had grown up on Nostramo, it was literally a planet of eternal night. But even then, even in the lowest darkest wards, there was still some sort of light. But here, she couldn't see her hand in front of her face.

Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip.

Maybe she was going crazy....

It wasn't that far outside the realm of possibility. She'd been locked in here for who knew how long without any sort of stimulation, her brain was probably starving for something.

Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip.

Lita tried to keep retrospect, of all the deaths that could have happened to her...

Drip. Drip. Drip.

She supposed going bat shit insane wasn't that terrible.

Drip. Drip.

She just wished...

Drip.

Lita felt her blood surge and her hand struck the wall, leaving her palm tingling with pain. She stilled as the metal hummed with the impact, listening for the infernal dripping sound.

Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip.

Lita groaned in frustration, laying her head against the wall she leaned up against. A small part of her wished he'd just killed her outright; fuck she'd even go for some old fashioned painful torture than this.

Then, the something on the other side of the door. Lita stilled, trying to pin point a location in complete darkness. Heavy, footsteps if she was correct.

Was she hallucinating?

They paused in the hallway, shifting from one edge of the door to the other. As if they were unsure if they should enter or not.

Who was it?

And seriously, was she still hallucinating?

Then, the door creaked open. She stiffened on the cot, waiting with bated breath for something to happen.

Hard metal on metal slid across the floor with the door slamming shut soon after. The footsteps faded away into the distance, leaving Lita to crawl about the darkness to see what had been left in her cell.

If it was anything at all, she still wasn't sure if she was hallucinating or not.

Her hand brushed upon the foreign object upon the floor, a smell permeating her senses that was dull but very welcome.

Food.

Definitely not a hallucination. It was meager, but it was something.

Yet...

It gave her pause for thought.

He was having her fed now, why? Was he trying to draw out her inevitable end, make sure she went completely nuts before killing her. That would be a new level of cruelty, even for him.

Defiance surged in her chest, she didn't want to give him the satisfaction. So she pushed away the plate, despite the gnawing pains in her stomach. If she was going to die she was going to do so her terms, not his.

And so she fumbled her way back to the cot, hoping that by falling asleep she could ignore her hunger.

Three more times the footsteps came to bring her food, and three more times she turned upon the cot to ignore it. She felt weak, unimaginably so, and the temptation to break and eat what she'd been given was great.

But the need to die on her terms was greater; he was not going to break her. He absolutely was not.

But something happened.

The fourth time the footsteps came to pause hesitantly outside the cell door, something changed. The door opened, she turned to her side to pointedly ignore whoever it was as the plate scrapped across the floor back through the door.

Then, a noise. A grunt of frustration. One that she knew very well. You don't spend over twenty something years with a person without learning a thing or two about them.

It had been him, this whole time. Coming everyday to pause outside the cell door before sliding her food.

And now she could hear him open the door wider to step into the cell with her. The atmosphere in the room changed dramatically. There was a tension in the air that stilled her and everything around her, with her heart pounding so loud she was sure he could hear it.

Slowly, his footsteps approached. Methodical, as if he was allowing her to hear him. She knew as well as anyone he could be deathly quiet. She didn't bother to try and close her eyes to feign sleep, he'd see right through that in an instant. So she kept her eyes staring pointedly ahead of her, do her best to remain unblinking.

She felt him move to the cot side, his boring into her as if he was trying to reduce her to dust on his gaze alone. He said nothing, and Lita dared not move until something hit the cot right in front of her.

She jumped a mile out of her skin, realizing he'd thrown the plate of food right in front of her face.

"Eat." His order was cold, his tone like gravel. Lita did not want to be cowed and so ignored him to settle back on to her side.

"The silent treatment? I never took you to be so childish."

Her upper lip twitched without her meaning to.

Childish? He had the audacity to call her childish when he threw a temper tantrum and took her away from the only real happiness she'd ever known?

Don't give him the satisfaction.

She tensed her jaw in response, curling in on herself in a silent hope that he would just give up and go away. In all honesty, she preferred the insane monotony of the water dripping to this.

He moved closer still, the fabric of his clothes rustling as he knelt down next to the cot. His breathing was slow, rhythmic, if the situation wasn't so tense it could've put her to sleep.

"Lita..." This was the first time he'd actually said her name since she'd gotten here. His tone had become softer, but didn't quite lose his usual bite and gravel, "Did you honestly believe you meant so little to me?"

The question came from out of no where and floored her like she'd been run over.

And the worst part?

She didn't know how to answer him....

What was she supposed to think? Of course, she thought that! The Imperium had come and he had left without a second thought to fight in his father's Great Crusade across a nearly infinite galaxy, leaving her in charge of a failing monarchy that only worked because he was there to enforce his rules. Once he was gone, the barons of Nostramo reverted back into old habits, completely running her over.

And why wouldn't they? She wasn't the Night Haunter, she didn't have his charisma or his brute strength, or the intimate knowledge of his targets fears to cow the barons into obedience. She was just some broken little human, nothing more.

But being with Atina? It had changed everything about how Lita saw herself. She was more than just some loyal servant, a pathetic little girl striving for the attention of someone who would never look her way. She was a woman deserving of happiness and respect and who was more than capable of finding these things on her own, as long as she put the effort into achieving these things herself.

Being with Atina allowed her to realize that she didn't have to spend her life wallowing in self pity, wondering why she wasn't good enough when in fact she was. She just needed to figure that out for herself.

But how to tell that to him? How to tell him that the woman who spilled every single unrequited feeling for him wasn't the same person he was looking at?

Her uncertainty paralyzed her, fighting to say something, because the second worst part was she couldn't pin down what he was even thinking about right now. In some aspects he was predictable, like how he hunted criminals or dealt with the Barons.

But heart to heart conversations that required him to actually be vulnerable.

Yeah... That was new territory.

He grumbled irritably under his breath, moving and shifting the cot. But with how dark it was she couldn't quite tell what he was doing or where he was. There were no footsteps, so he hadn't left and she could still hear his deep breathing somewhere nearby. The pair of them sat in the darkened cell together, neither making a move to speak or break the silence.

"Is this what we've been reduced to? Childish mind games?"

That irked her, and she spoke before she could even stop herself, "Says the man who threw a galaxy sized temper tantrum over a human."

"Ha. She actually does speak."

"What do you want from me?"

"An answer, Lita!" He snapped, "Did you honestly believe you meant so little to me?"

"You never did anything to make believe otherwise," She snapped back, a coldness in her voice she thought she wasn't capable of, "Decades of service, bending over backwards in every attempt to please you, to help, and you threw me aside like I was nothing! And when I was attacked by rebels, in the company of a High Ranking Official of the Imperium? You couldn't even spare the time to check in until hours later!"

The fury she felt made her heart beat wildly in her chest while the adrenaline spurred her to sit up. She squinted in the dark, attempting to find him, but everything was so disorienting she couldn't tell which way was what.

"I am a Primarch, Lita!" His shout was nearby, she heard him move from the cot, irritated footsteps in the dark paired with heavy breathing that gave away his aggravation, "I have far more important things to worry about than some nobody upstarts."

"Is that why you left me in charge of a planet that had no actual peacekeeping force!?"

"Because I wasn't going to just leave you there!!" His words left her stunned for a long moment, but he was far too irritated now to let her get a word in edgewise, "They took me for formal combat training under one of my brothers while they built my legion, and yes it took much of my attention, but I had no intention of just leaving you on Nostramo."

"You have a funny way of telling me these things." she said softly, her voice thick with emotion.

"Because it was---" He hesitated only a second before heaving a heavy sigh, "It was supposed to be a gift, a way to thank you for everything you've done for your planet. For me. You were one of the few who ever had any sense, any drive to do what was right. But then, you just quit. After saying... those things... After I tried to get a hold of you for hours only to find out that my brother's little whore smuggled you off planet."

"It hurt, didn't it?" Her question was spoken softly, but seemed like it echoed loudly between them than anything ever said before, "Thinking 'how could she? Didn't all of it mean something?'."

She hear him sigh irritably again, the sound of something heavy hitting the metal wall and the slide of cloth against a surface. If she had to guess, he was probably sitting somewhere nearby. More maddening silence stretched between the pair until she found the courage to speak what was probably on his mind too,

"So what now?"

"I suppose I'm not sure."

"Well, we're in the same boat then."

"Then why don't you tell me what you want."

"Respect."

He moved, fast judging by the quick rustle of his clothes that had him nearly in her face, "Don't you dare," he hissed, teeth grinding, "I respected you more than I should have, the fact that you're still alive after all the bullshit you've put me through should be proof enough of that."

Lita pushed back, her hands flailing out in the darkness and finding his face to strike him, "You did that to yourself!" she hissed back, "You could have just left me alone, that would have been showing me respect. Instead, you took me away from the only real happiness I've ever known!"

His hands grasped her wrists and squeezed, not tight enough to break bone but enough to keep her from striking him again but it certainly take the fight out of her.

"Why couldn't you just leave me alone?!" When she was met with silence it only served to anger her further, "Why?!"

"I don't know! You irritating little human, I don't know!"

It took her a moment to realize she'd started crying, hot tears streaking down her face as he clasped her wrists. She was tired, hungry, and so confused and hurt. And once she started she found she was having the damnedest time trying to stop.

"I haven't seen you cry in a long time..." he whispered above her strangled sobs, and it earned him a scoff,

"No, you idiot, you didn't like it when I cried so I just stopped crying in front of you."

"Certainly more mouthy than I remembered too..."

His muttering made her laugh, to the surprise of them both, "It's funny," she said, pulling her arms back in attempt to get him to let go of her, which he allowed, "It only took a year with Atina to teach me something I hadn't learned in the fifty something years I've been alive."

"And what's that?"

"Self-respect." It was his turn to scoff, but he said nothing more. She curled back up onto the cot, pulling her knees close in an attempt to ground herself, "You asked me what I wanted, what do you want?"

Lita could sense his unease from here, getting him to open up was always like pulling teeth, but a part of her knew she needed to hear his words. But as always he had habit of surprising her; she heard him moving in the darkness and she figured he was just going to leave her now. But instead of hearing the cell door opening and closing shut she felt a pair of strong arms heave her from the cot. He held her firmly against his body as he left the cell, the darkness of the hall just as disorienting as the cell until they stepped into the lift that had brought her into the depths before.

The lights were dimmed, and she found herself looking up at him, and though his gaze was pointed deliberately at the wall she could see a rush of thoughts moving behind the well placed mask. What they were, however, she could only begin to guess.

Up and up they traveled until they came to a jolting stop and the doors opened with a ping. The hallway they stepped into was empty, stretching both left and right into what seemed like an eternity. He took the immediate right, his tunic billowing with the fast pace he set until he stopped at fifth door on the left.

With his free hand he entered a quick series of numbers into the control pad and entered the room when the doors hissed open, and what lay beyond rendered Lita speechless. The garden was fast, towering trees creating a darkened canopy in the already dim space, ferns and other flora in soft beds. And as they walked deeper she noticed pulsating bluish bulbs starting their climb up the vast trees.

Nostramo Night Blooms...

They reached the center of the garden, and he set her down upon one of the benches that were found there, staying knelt by her side as she tried to take everything in.

"Do you know how many architects I had to go through to get this room installed," he said idly, his own gaze wandering before it settled back on her and his tone turned mocking, " 'But your Greatness, this is a Gloriana Class Battleship you can't just make adjustments to where you see fit'."

It made her laugh, "You didn't kill them did you?"

"I don't like the word 'no'." She laughed again, louder this time, and she could even see a hint of mirth in his facade. "Lita, I want you here. I always have, I mean I built this for you, but I need you to understand that what you said before, about... everything you felt. I don't know if I can be what you want me to be, and I just need to know that you're going to be okay with that."

Lita found herself lost in thought at that, she had changed in this past year. The people pleaser she'd been no longer existed, and she felt no desire to win his approval. Yet all of these things did not mean she didn't care about him any less than before, it was that she cared about her own well being just as much now.

"I never wanted you to be anything more than who you were," she said after some time, "and I grew to care for you because of that. Can you be okay with the idea that it won't change how I feel about you?"

He mulled it over for the longest time before he rolled his eyes in mock irritation, "I suppose it isn't so terrible to know that there's someone out there who gives a damn about my well being."

She smiled at him, his mask slowly chipping away the more at ease the pair of them became, and for the first time since coming aboard the Nightfall she felt like things were going to be okay after all.

Author’s Notes Below

//This turned out way longer than I thought it would! Hope you enjoyed, and if you did give it a re-blog, cause I'm super proud of this work! Thanks for reading!

I hereby thank and blame Elvis Presley's "I can't help falling in love", and subsequently Pink's "Hurts 2B Human" and "Walk Me Home." songs.

#short story #konrad curze #lita #ocs

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rhenal · 7 years ago

Text

Hello again

Wow, it’s been a year now since i last posted anything here. I’m still alive, if anyone is still here at all to care. Um. Last post I did was about the status of my mental health, so I guess a follow-up would be prudent, no?

So now it’s official. I have both Aspergers and ADHD. I thought it was just ADD, but no. The hyperactivity aspect is something I very much have. It’s just that it doesn’t manifest physically - it simply manifests mentally in that my mind is always everywhere at once - that my train of thought manifests more like a puppy on its first snow day than like an actual train.

I’ve been on antidepressants for 13 months now, but I’ve only really felt any real effect from them for the last month and a half as I finally got to change med type. The first type barely helped and gave me nightmares two nights out of three, but those things were small and irrelevant enough for me to it really bring it up until now. Because for all that time, I have been searching for and adjusting to ADHD meds as well, and you only want to sort through one set of side-effects at a time. Turns out I’m really sensitive to side effects, so finding the right type and dosage took a long time, and I’m not certain that the one I’m on now is the best choice still.

I’m still on full-time sick leave for burnout, since February 14th last year. Currently it will last until the end of August, then we’ll reevaluate from there. Hopefully I can start studying again by that point, if only at 50%.

Turns out, it takes a really long time to recover from a bout of burnout that has had five entire years of buildup.

So what am I doing now? Mostly just being useless. Restless but without the energy to do anything about it. I barely eat these days, and my sleep cycle is just completely nonexistent. See, in large part due to aforementioned double-whammy of Aspergers and ADHD, my capacity for self discipline is basically nil. With me being on sick leave, I have nothing that forces me to get up and do stuff. There is no reason other than my own health to get up in the morning.

Add to that the fact that both my current antidepressants and my ADHD meds lower my appetite. I do not get hungry anymore. I just get tremors in the late afternoon when I’ve forgotten to eat all day. I can go entire days where I am never ever hungry, and when I finally manage to make something to eat and force myself to just eat it dammit, I can barely get half the meal down.

My doctor has actually advised me to eat small snacks through the entire day to make up for it. You know, the thing that you’re usually heavily discouraged from doing? :’)

In conclusion, my daily life is kinda shit. I’m doing what I can to get better at it all, even going to group therapy every week, but it feels like a Sisyphean effort.

I’m too burnt out to study or work, but without study or work, I can’t really recover properly. It’s one real bastard of a catch 22.

I’d move back home, but that’s not really an option. Not now that the family’s got a much smaller apartment. I’d have to live on the couch, in a living room with no possible way of real privacy. And I’m an introvert. I am really fortunate to have a family as loving and supportive as I do, and I love them dearly - but I NEED my space. When I went there over the winter holidays, just those two and a half weeks I was there was enough to suck me completely dry of energy.

If anyone has any advice, I’d love to hear them. Because I need them desperately.

So well. That’s where I am now.

[garbling thought-vomit about social issues and the failings of tumblr as a community below. Probably best ignored.]

So, why’d I disappear from Tumblr? Should be obvious. The state of my mental health is bad enough without having to deal with the constant anxiety of dealing with this social network. The nonexistence of nuance and the total intolerance of anything even remotely problematic. And the idea that if you like anything that has any problematic aspects in it at all, that means YOU are problematic and are to be ashamed.

It’s actually a really hostile environment for creatives.

The pressure to be perfect and totally 100% inclusive at all times with not a nanometer’s space for human error or honest mistakes, the attitude that ‘if you’re not perfect 100% of the time always you are EVIL AND BAD AND SHALL BE SHUNNED FOREVERMORE’.

The attitude a lot of Tumblr seem to have that the only things you are ever allowed to write or otherwise portray are essentially self-portraits because if you haven’t personally experienced it you should never ever write it ever. Kinda makes it impossible to even try to do properly inclusive work for fear of getting even a single minute detail wrong. It’s actually really really fucking hostile and I hate hate hate it. Like, I keep seeing creators of all kinds - writers, artists, cartoonists, animators and game devs alike try their very hardest to make something as inclusive and culturally diverse as they can, only to be rewarded with heaps upon heaps of abuse from Tumblr users just because they weren’t 100% perfect in every single aspect, or that their efforts were seen as ‘virtue signaling’ and are only doing it to make themselves look good and that is false and sin and to be PUNISHED.

It’s like the reward for trying your best to make something that everyone can enjoy without feeling left out is only hate and vitriol.

(All the while creators who do not care about inclusivity at all get perhaps but a mere fraction of this abuse, I might add. It’s pretty fucking insane when you think about it.)

It’s suffocating.

And it’s total fucking bullshit.

People make mistakes.

People change.

And people can absolutely grow from those mistakes and be better.

But Tumblr as a community keeps fostering this attitude that if you have ever said or done anything even remotely wrong on any level, regardless of the context or how long ago it was or how much better you have grown to be since then, once an uninformed or unthinking statement - accidental or not - always a racist. Or homophobe. Or transphobe. Or ableist. Or any kind of -ist or -phobe imaginable.

I’ve been very fortunate to not really have had to endure any witch-hunt personally, but I saw them happen all the time. And it just. Well. I got really fucking tired of it, and it further worsened my mental health by quite a lot. I just cared too much that I couldn’t stop ranting about it in my head. Sometimes for days.

So I left.

Why am I back? Honestly, I have no idea. I guess I still have a lot of thoughts about things and I’ve been really isolated this last year, so I just need a place where I can put them.

I intend to go on a bit of a purge of the blogs I follow and start with a zero-tolerance policy for witch-hunting bullcrap and other drama.

See, I have a pretty simple, straightforward moral code. It’s often difficult to follow, due to the human brain working as it does with it’s shitty, garbage, garbage ‘us vs them’ mentality, but it is something I intend do always strive for.

No one should ever be judged for that which they can not control

Ever. That includes the entire spectrum of skintones, every single possible gender identity, sexuality, romantical affiliation, neuropsychiatric status - normal or otherwise, physical condition, place of birth, state of family or culture they grew up in. Or anything else I can think of.

No one picks the toolbox they’re born with. All that should ever matter to anyone is what they build with it.

Fuck jokes about skin colour - ANY skin colour - it’s tacky and only serves to further strengthen the idea that they somehow make people fundamentally different, and that idea can get set on fire and shot into the sea.

Yes, there are absolutely issues with the culture surrounding differences in levels of melatonin. White people like myself carry a lot of privilege in the west, and darker skinned people of all kinds absolutely do face a lot of unjust treatment in the world. No matter what country in the world you are in, that place’s “default” - how I detest that unfortunate consequence of the human brain functioning as it does - will always carry a strong privilege compared to those who do not fit that default. But it’s all cultural. There’s nothing inherent in looking any certain way that dictates a person’t being. It’s all the norms and values of the culture they were raised in - and cultures change. It’s slow. It’s difficult. But it is absolutely a worthwhile struggle, is it not?

And, maybe a reasonable path to changing a culture to be more inclusive is to maybe not constantly call attention to such differences? Because that only strengthens the idea that the trait pointed out is ‘other’ - not part of the ‘normal’.

And we want to widen the definition of normal to include all of us. Right? That’s pretty much this entire community’s mission statement, isn’t it?

I’m thinking that simply acting like a trait is normal, that it’s not something that’s even worth calling attention to, does a lot to normalise that trait. To help it be included within the definition of normal.

Maybe I’m wrong. But I don’t think I am.

And then there’s the whole thing with white guilt/cultural shame or pride or any somesuch. I have thoughts. Probably pretty controversial thoughts. So I’m preparing myself for pitchforks.

Feeling shame or guilt over whatever hand you drew in the grand lottery of genetical happenstance is just really fucking stupid. That much should be thoroughly established by now. But the thing is, so is feeling pride, for the same reason. You did fuck all to affect what you got. The deeds of your ancestors have nothing whatsoever to do with you.

You don’t get to choose your toolbox. You can only choose what to do with it.

It feels kind of weird to condemn cultural pride as a concept like this, but I do. I really honestly do. Because it’s dumb. Incredibly hard to drop, absolutely - most of us are fed with it since birth, after all - but it’s still dumb. I mean, what on earth did anyone do to earn the culture they grew up in? Nothing. Because it’s entirely out of your hands.

Treasure your culture, absolutely! Revel in it. Learn all you want and can and strive to carry it forth to the next generation, and to teach anyone who wishes to listen. Absolutely do! Take pride in your accomplishments. Take pride in what you do to carry your culture forth into the future. Take pride in what you help others accomplish. Take pride in what you do to raise public awareness of the reality of your culture. Or your sexuality. Or gender identity. Or any other aspect of your being that is being woefully misrepresented somewhere. But don’t take pride in simply being what you are.

Because that’s just part of the completely random toolbox you got at birth - a toolbox you could not have possibly chosen any part of.

Taking pride OR feeling shame over things that you had no hand in is something you have no right or reason to do.

Never judge anyone - not even yourself - by what they have. Judge only by what they DO with what they have.

These thoughts have all been spawned by my time on tumblr. It’s a community that wants to be progressive and inclusive, but is much too often anything but. It’s all complaining, all vitriol, all salt, all echo chambers fostering this kind of thinking. Very little, if any, actual attempts at working towards real improvement.

I remember seeing a comic that circulated some time ago. About equality vs equity. There were these three kids standing by a fence, trying to watch a game of some sport or another taking place at the other side. They were all different height.

In the equality picture, all three kids got a box to stand on, of equal size.

In the equity picture, they got a different amount of boxes, making it so all of them could see over the fence.

But there was a third picture. One rarely included.

This picture adressed the fence itself. It swapped the wooden fence to a wire fence. One that all three kinds could see the game through, without any need of boxes.

That’s the kind of world I’d much rather live in. One where the barrier itself is adressed. Where there is no need for boxes to stand on.

Yet all anyone can really, truly do, is do as Michael Jackson said, and start with the man in the mirror.

We can complain. We can decry. We can wallow. But it’s all for naught if we don’t then step up and act on it.

I'm sick and tired of the ceaseless complaining without action and the oppressive feeling of helplessness fostered here. I want to actually DO something to help the world be better. And if I’m not in a position where I can help personally, I can at least reach out to those in a position to do so.

This is why I donate to charity whenever I can afford it, despite my miniscule budget of a university student on sick leave with a lot of medical fees.

This is why I endeavor to always smile to strangers, be they the retail worker at the checkout, a simple passerby or the cold beggar on the street.

This is why I am always eager to share what I know with people who may need it, be it pointers about mental health or simply how to patch up a torn pair of pants.

All minuscule, inconsequential acts in the grand scheme of things. But it’s something. It’s my small straw, pulled to the anthill. Makes me feel just a little tiny bit less helpless about all the terrible things in the world.

Because even if it’s something small, it’s better than doing nothing. Far better than simply complaining and wallowing about a problem without ever following it up with action.

I don’t even know what I’m on about anymore. I should probably stop writing. Get something to eat. Go to sleep. Bye for now, then.

#status update #mental health stuff #really long rant #disjointed flow of thoughts garbled onto a page #had a lot of stuff to get off my chest I suppose #probably ignore this

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ymd3signs · 4 years ago

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How To Design Happiness

Design, at its heart, is about solving problems. That’s why it’s so easy to talk to designers. They can explain exactly how their interface is built to help you navigate through your phone, or how a device was shaped to make it possible for mass manufacturing on the assembly line.

But throughout hundreds of conversations with designers, I’ve begun to wonder: If most people’s goal is to live a happy life, why did I never hear designers explain how they’d built something to make me happy?

At SXSW, I moderated an event called Designing Happiness. Its experts included Bruce Vaughn, former chief creative exec with Disney Imagineering; Gabby Etrog Cohen, senior vice president of PR and brand strategy at SoulCycle; and Randall Stone, director of experience innovation at Lippincott. All three brands strive to create happy experiences, not as an afterthought, but as the first step in what they do. It is an approach that’s paid enormous dividends for each company. Here’s what they taught me:

HAPPINESS IS MOSTLY THE ANTICIPATION OF AN EVENT AND MEMORY OF IT

“Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so,” said the philosopher John Stuart Mill. It’s a paradox at the heart of happiness. We are hardwired to enjoy the anticipation of a joyous event and savour the memory. But in that actual moment of experience? It can be hard to tell.

So at the creative consultancy Lippincott, designers have a theory called the Happiness Halo–and it’s built upon reconstructing happiness as a three-act structure of anticipation, experience, and memory.

“First it’s about creating anticipation,” Stone explains. “That’s really strong–both from a psychological standpoint but also the anticipation of the experience is sometime greater [than experience]. It goes back to our primitive skills of releasing dopamine. It’s our hunting skills. If we didn’t have this sense of anticipation, we would have starved to death a long time ago.”

Anticipation is so powerful that being excited about a big event, like running a marathon, can give you as much joy as actually completing it.

“The experience itself is really important,” Stone continues, “but an experience is never perfect, and you don’t weigh an experience by adding it up over time. It’s not like you add four and five and get a score that equals happiness. You actually remember the high moment and the end moment, and the most important thing is the memory.”

The end moment is particularly profound–and it’s something every good waiter already knows. One study found that waiters who gave mints at the end of the meal received 3% higher tips, while those who presented the mints with just a bit more effort, asking the question “would anyone like mints at the end of their meal?” received 14% higher tips. It shows that we’re biased to remember endings by nature (remember that when penning your next novel).

YOU NEED A MOMENT OF TRANSITION TO ESCAPE THE REAL (UNHAPPY) WORLD

Anticipation reveals something else about happiness: That with all of the micro-stresses we experience in our daily lives, it helps us to prepare ourselves to be happy, to decompress, wipe our consciousness, and open ourselves to joy.

Disney and SoulCycle both craft experiences specifically to accommodate this transitional time. At Disney, they call it a “portal.”

“Think about Disneyland where you literally go through a dark tunnel, kind of a mythic experience where you go through a compressed space and come out the other side,” Vaughn says. “Architects use this a lot; Frank Lloyd Wright used this a lot in his houses. You’ve completely left the world you were in, and you’re in a very very different world. The sites, the sounds, the smells . . . suddenly you’re in this world where there are marching bands and the smell of fudge and horses and giant mice that are waving at you and people who are very friendly and people are hugging big bears, and it’s just fine . . . and without that transition, without stepping through a portal, you lose that opportunity to reset the state of mind of guests.”

Likewise, every SoulCycle location has been built to accommodate what the company calls the “crossover.” “We purposefully design our spaces so that when you are leaving your class, another class is coming in,” Cohen says. The “crossover” isn’t anything fancy. One cyclist friend describes it as a “hallway lined with lockers.” But that hallway is an important two-way street, designed for the people coming in to cross paths with the people coming out. For the sweatless, it’s a taste of things to come. For the exercised, it’s an audience to provide validation–the cherry on top of their hard work. And for both sides, it can create a longer-lead experience to the next SoulCycle class.

“There are these interactions where you’re rubbing up against people, to purposefully create community,” Cohen says. “It’s all about creating relationships with people so that you’re not just walking out anonymously to your next venture in life.”

EMPLOYEES NEED TO BE EMPOWERED TO MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY, SANS APPROVAL

If any experience is anti-happy, it’s bureaucracy. (Consider how a trip to the DMV is more or less the least happy experience on earth.) And so it should come as little surprise that companies that know how to make customers happy enable their employees to make customers happy.

For instance, take the Haute N.Y.C. dining establishment Eleven Madison Park. Not only does it serve some of the most beautifully plated, scrumptiously paired flavours in the world, but it also employs a staff member called the Dreamweaver. The Dreamweaver is like a concierge for the experience. As Stone tells the story, on one occasion, visitors from out of town expressed that their only regret was not having a slice of N.Y.C. pizza. And so the Dreamweaver responded.

“[The Dreamweaver] jumped in a cab–and here you’re getting a very expensive, multicourse meal–and one of the courses was an authentic slice of New York pizza so they could have everything on their list checked off,” Stone says. “So, if you talk to [Eleven Madison Park], they say, yes, we use food to deliver an experience, but we want you to leave with a memory of being here–not necessarily the dish or the course. It’s about making it a memorable night.”

The Dreamweaver is an empowered decision-maker, focused on customer experience, just like Disney’s “cast members,” who are allowed to intervene and cheer up someone having a bad day at the park. A cast member is trained from day one so that if she sees a problem, she can take care of it. She can replace a child’s spilt popcorn or ice cream; no middle management questions asked. But there’s also a highly organized system of communication that allows cast members to pull off more astonishing feats, too. (Have you ever read the tear-jerking story of Toby, the Bear?)

It’s why cast members–not the million-dollar attractions–are Disney’s highest-rated touchpoint at its parks.

SURPRISE IS THE KEY TO DELIGHT, AND IT’S MUNDANELY EASY TO SURPRISE PEOPLE

These happiness interventions, staged by employees, are the perfect opportunity to inject an essential element into happy experiences: surprise. Much like beginnings and endings, we’re cognitively predisposed to remember surprises, too. And when you have employees primed to surprise customers, it’s far easier to pull off the feat.

“At SoulCycle, we have a program that’s actually called ‘surprise and delight’ where everyone of our managers and key holders has a budget to be able to surprise and delight our riders—whoever they want,” Cohen says. “And that’s at any level. Whether that’s putting a gift in their locker, taking them out to coffee, putting a cupcake on their bike for their birthday, or if a kid just went off to college, and they send them a T-shirt . . . it can be any number of things, because relationships matter.”

A surprise is a tool that’s more effective at dealing with angry customers than catharsis. Complaining verbally actually makes people more upset by reinforcing their negative sentiments. But empowering an employee gives the company a chance to recover–to leave a surprisingly positive signpost in customers’ memories of an evening.

And truth be told, it’s also not that hard to surprise people if you put just a little bit of thought into it.

“It’s about making the mundane memorable,” Stone says. “You can take the most mundane moment of any experience interaction or process and bring it to life.” His example is when checking into the Park Hyatt of Chicago, you’re offered a series of five or so pens. They’re not just Bics. Instead, they might be brass or tortoiseshell or any pen you’d see used by a pen lover.

“They put the box in front of you and for that moment, you sit there and ponder, which pen is the most beautiful? Which reflects my personality?” Stone says. “You ask the person checking in next to you, ‘Which pen are you going to pick?’ And suddenly the most mundane moment becomes one of delight because you’re signing the Magna Carta with this pen. It’s no longer a plastic pen; it’s a ceremony.”

NATURE KNOWNS HAPPINESS BEST BECAUSE WE’RE ALL BARELY TAMED BEASTS

According to Disney’s Vaughn, happiness is real “lizard brain” stuff that’s mostly satisfying the concerns of our core instincts. That is why, fundamentally, Walt Disney’s philosophy was that a key to happiness was feeling safe, and his parks were designed to make you feel safe.

At one level, the parks themselves are designed at a human scale. The streets aren’t built for cars but spaced for pedestrians. And despite their liberal use of concrete, Disney parks are teeming with organic materials.

“In our theme parks, there’s a lot of what we call the ‘living show’—actual live plants, living plants, a lot of water, all these things work on the subconscious level to give reassurance,” Vaughn says. “Great cities have this as well. In the city of Paris there’s a lot of food, a lot of bistros and things. People are very reassured by food.”

We crave the resources of nature, and having them on hand makes us happy. Of course, if you subscribe to this philosophy, the world can look pretty silly! Your favourite water feature is no longer about the sculpture or the art, but a means to tell your basest instincts, “It’s okay, there’s water nearby to drink.”

LEAVE YOUR CUSTOMER WITH A KISS GOODNIGHT

But as I mentioned earlier, endings are necessary. At Disney, they call it a “kiss goodnight,” the perfectly timed element that can turn even a mediocre experience into a fantastic memory.

In Orlando, this could be the spectacular fireworks show. At SoulCycle, it would be the last uplifting track played by the DJ, or the aforementioned “crossover,” where you smile on your way out, feeling accomplished, among other riders about to go in. Even Lyft and Uber have a sort of kiss goodnight, Stone argues. In removing the cash transaction at the end of a traditional cab ride, you can share the briefest of human moments with your driver: a real “thank-you.”

At SXSW, keeping in mind the importance of the power of surprise and the kiss goodnight, while recognizing that nature can give us happiness in a way nothing else can, we had an idea:

“Look at the puppy—if anyone doesn’t feel like the puppy is the embodiment of happiness and joy, then you have no soul, so for me,” Vaughn said. “I feel like nature has done it perfectly, and from there it gets hard.”

So we went full-on Oprah, and we released puppies to the audience. (They were a Lab-Golden Retriever mix–totes adorbs.) Now look, I’m not going to claim it was a tsunami of puppies or anything. We only had ten puppies for a room of 600 people. That’s a 60:1 person to puppy ratio! But the resulting happiness in the place was palpable. People climbed over one another to take photos like the paparazzi. They shared stories of their pets back home while waiting for their turn for puppy snuggles. And of course, their faces melted when they held the pups. In case there was any scepticism that you can design, not just for solving problems, but for solving one of humanity’s biggest problems, I can attest, if you can make someone smile when walking out of an hour-long talk in a hotel ballroom? You can make someone smile just about anywhere.

#illustration #digital illustartion #photoshop #artwork #porfolio #graphic design

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lvlsrvryhigh · 7 years ago

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LVLSRVRYHI-054: Hunni'd Jaws

Introductions first: for anyone who doesn't know, who are you / where are you from? Yo yo, thanks for having me - I’m Hunni’d Jaws. I'm a solar eclipse personified. I moisturize. Facts: Coconut oil is not what it’s cracked up to be, if you want the hook-up on emollients DM me...on some off the record ish. My latest conspiracy is that I'm immortal.

From New York, exiled in Berlin, I mean “based”. How does "On exile" sound? Like I’m on chic sabbatical for being a leftist multi-national expatriate. Although, ya gotta strive for "arbitrarily-detained" these days, for the social media credentials.

What music did you grow up listening to? I grew up whittling didgeridoos. On the real, there’s a rogue didgeridoo in the house I grew up in. I have no clue how it got there. No one knows how to really “play” it, we’ve all tried. If my folks got it at a flea market, I’ll be a livid that my parents are just hoarders, and that Carlo Santana’s 3rd cousin didn’t loan it to us.

I’m so thankful for access to radio like Hot 97 and NYC. Nineties pop music was an animal. Dance-pop, grunge, dancehall, alt-rock, RnB, hip hop, trip-hop, the OG list goes on. I’m nostalgic for the pop hits, from Ace of Bass to No Doubt.

Mix cds were essential living. My street punk older sister got me into punk music and concert-going, starting at places like the Chance in Poughkeepsie. Thusly train-ing to NYC was compulsory. SO former self getting signatures on my cons. I grew up technically too far to be a bridge-and-tunnel though. “Bridge-and-tunnel" is slang for someone who takes one of the bridges and/or tunnels to get to NYC by car. Bridge-and-tunnels get on the Metro-north around White Plains with vodka Coolatas and clog up the Midtown club scene.

My folks played jazz, on special holidays merengue, 60s funk, reggae some 80s pop - cuz they’re into that - oh and a lot radio monotonous news coverage, tonally so nauseating that they smell like plastic factory fumes. Afro-caribbean & latin music were solace, since I’m half dominican. My uncle was more current, and played lots of new wave, punk, or like fat boy slim and beastie boys for us. We ransacked his computer once when we finally got cd burner software.

I also was heavily into indie rock, post-punk and random hip hop or the genre one-offs, like Hold You Down by the Alchemist, I found. Finding music was everything. I wrote about UK experimental & indie music for my HS newspaper - no one cared. My younger sister got me into A Tribe, Madvillian and J Dilla. Shout out to Nora for keeping me updated on hip hop mixtapes throughout the 2000s. And in college I veered towards indie music and electronic.

I'm cutting myself off, we should pick up the conversation here for the next interview. We can highlight more cringe-worthy pleasures that did not age well and my descent into grime and club, and how I’m still an angsty tropical riotgrrl haha.

One of my earliest musical memories was going to this wedding in 1997 and dancing to radio garage house tracks - what we called techno. Recently, I had a dance floor epiphany at Monarch Club in Berlin. Soda Plains played a garage track I hadn’t heard since that era, maybe that occasion. I made a note of the lyrics, found it later, and binged on it for like a week. This is my mentality.

My first introduction to you as a DJ came via Call Dibs, the show you run with Dis Fig on Berlin Community Radio, so I wanted to get an idea as to how the show first came about and what the motivations were behind starting it together. How did the two of you start to put things together? Yeah before Call Dibs, before deejaying, I was a head in NYC. Fel - Dis Fig - and I met then, kicking it many dawns.

Fast forward, in Berlin we saw a vacancy for our musical focus on BCR - whose programming we admired and were acquainted with. It fell into place. We decided to do this plan b, instead of becoming tech-house legends.

Going through the show's archive is like reading a who's who of upcoming djs over the past few years and it's pretty impressive how on top of it the two of you have been. How do you decide on which guests to reach out to? Do you have any dream picks? Thanks! We follow music, convene on that, take turns hosting monthly, and plan logistical. There's been several artists, I heard one track of theirs and decided to ask them. I was lucky they were down. It's insanely cut-throat. There's usually a rose award ceremony and sacrifice.

No "dream picks", I’d like to work with so many people, especially unique gem artists. I'm interested in new, small, unique voices and showcasing challenging fun sounds.. The cult of celebrity dominates booking, the scene and the industry. At the same time, we don't obscurity hunt. The process is organic, why dilute it?

From what I can gather (correct me if I've got this backwards), you moved from New York to Berlin not too long before the BCR show first started. Do the two cities mean different things for you musically? Did anything change for you in that vein after making the move? Yeah definitely! I lived in NYC for a couple summers during school, then moved to Brooklyn after college for 3ish years. New York is it’s mix of cultures and hustle. There are so many micro-communities doing amazing things. It is a pace, hip-hop, outspoken, loud - the majority of new dembow in my mix, I heard blaring out of cars, at restaurants, and in cabs while visiting over in early June. Even just 2 years ago, Bushwick was not what it is now, or Crown Heights even. I grew up in the music communities in NY through Jelly NYC, Tribes, bass warehouse parties like Reconstrvct and DIY venues like 285 Kent, and lived with the Teklife extension. Ballroom, dancehall, jersey club, and footwork were foundational w/ parties like Ghettogothik, Lit City, S!ck Magic, Mixpak, among others. With all this stacked against a city, there's so much synchronicity, like Dubbel Dutch playing an arcade entirely word of mouth, or mythic rooftop parties w/ lineups of whoever is in town not playing officially in the city. Or heads from around the country, turn out to see acts on a Monday night in Meatpacking district. It’s a constant struggle and everything is bought out. I have a deep bond there, the music community has a different appreciation and gratefulness for each other. People dance. I’m idealizing hxc. It all took bites, I got bored, and was looking to contribute.

I shifted gears, and moved to Berlin, to party less. Hahah. Techno goth, crust punk aura, the gay club scene, and deejaying/producer culture are indisputably mainstream. The leftfield club scene is compact w/ Janus, PAN, Trade, Creamcake, Boo Hoo, among others. There’s a core DJ and music producer community here that inspires me, albeit, a catch-22, is insular. There’s more funding, clubs are seen as institutions. It’s still Germany. It’s much more modest, introverted, and chill. The sound is usually spot on. Flights are cheap. It’s more white, whiter than the Midwest.

If you can sort housing, it’s a refuge for creativity because of work/life balance.

You're also involved with a few programs based around teaching dj skills to women and those within the lgbtq+ spectrum in No Shade and Intersessions. What interested you about these programs? What was it like for you personally when you first learnt to DJ? Was there anything similar out there at the time? Who wants a world w/ the same people, the same cliques, in control throwing the same parties, of similar perspectives, w/ the same mega brands curating, playing the same music? Sign me up if I'm a mega-brand.

I didn’t choose to be half black, a woman, or femme, so I def take advantage of the opportunities given to me. And I'm aware I'm somewhat priveleged. I have a lot of friends who also want to organize and pass the torch. My core ethics are merging human rights, creativity, and access empowerment. I was also involved in the Co-Op compilation w/ Ziur, galvanized to counter the tension and rise of global alt-right movements.

When I first learned to DJ, it was a necessity to socializing. And when I got more serious about it, I had to teach myself. Getting comfortable at the club and tech-literacy was another blind-fold. I’ve had to dj with equipment I've never used before - wish these moments were filmed cuz I went too hard on myself. There were some people to help me but not really. I also had several feminist social groups to help with the visibility of women in NYC, our goals were more about solidarity and the safety of women at parties.

I co-founded No Shade alongside Linnea and Caramel Mafia in association with Acud Macht. The DJ tutoring program aspect gives the participants more security and time with industry standard equipment. They can ask questions, and they are learning from women and non-binary folk. Blasphemy!

Links between music and therapy come up a lot on your social feeds and, though it's not really something I've put a lot of thought into understanding, I often find myself relying on music to clear my mood or help me move past something that's frustrating or aggravating me. Do those ideas ever inform the sets you put together or the music you listen to? That’s sick that you found a personal correlation. Music as therapy vs. music therapy vs. sound therapy vs. vibration therapy vs. however we define music and therapy has an abundance of operational levels. On your experiential level, it’s great for emotional awareness, resonance, letting out stress, etc.

It can be deeply triggering yet cathartic too. It’s tied very close to memory. People with degenerative neurological diseases can get pieces of their identity and abilities back when listening to their old records, or happiness. In other mysteries, if you suffer a major head injury you can miraculously become a musically-creative, perfect-pitch savant. Still so much is unknown in the regard to cognitive neuroscience, music and healthcare. This is Your Brain on Music by Daniel J. Levitin and Musciophilia by Oliver Sacks expand on this.

The club is an undeniable conduit, escape. A good sound bath from a sound system will reset you. Cymatically, it manifests your physical matter. Certain chord progressions and frequencies will awaken certain feelings. Certain rhythms make you rotate your hip joints, certain vibrations catapult you to an astral plane, ASMR and whiteness soothes and entrances. I’m rambling. It’s personal, it’s human, it’s spooky, it's cyborg. There’s loads of sound phenomena to explore.

The tradition of it in the psych world is very “koombayah”, which led me away from the narrow conventional sense of it. However, there are however strides towards incorporating rap into the psychotherapy application. The history of oration down to modern rap is rooted in the "music game over the streets" to narrate the struggle. Poets from West Africa brought oration traditions over to communicate their highest spiritual being. The command of it is called Nommos. As a practice it's so very suitable for the clinical experience. Therapeutic Uses of Rap & Hip Hop by Susan Hadley discusses this, maybe overintellectualizes it, but it’s an important platitude to introduce formally to the white-coat community. I may go back to school for it, so I can dispute and defend the way. I wish I had proper exposure to composition as a kid. I was more interested in learning tabs so I could steeze on covers.

There’s truth deeper and universal, beyond niche music that privileged perspectives get to admire, be bewildered by and entertain with. It's orthodox. It seems the people involved don't consider how esoteric and self-centered this chokehold of participation is, like subjective tunnel-vision ; music culture is full of circumstance, value judgements, media infrastructure, markets, and industry. Who has access? What is contingent? and Why? What does this all mean in 5-10 years?

You seem to take a playful, lighthearted, but also semi-theatrical approach towards your moniker and press shots (covering yourself in honey, planning to do the same but with bees), which is refreshing and in stark contrast to the ultra serious DJ look (black tee, dark background, lots of shadow, plsdon'tsmile). Was that something you consciously set out to achieve? Wow, thanks for noticing! Deejaying is full of bad baaaad tropes. Shout out Kurupt FM for being as played out as possible. Satire, critiques, and creating new information are important to me but it's more unconscious and involuntary. Music gets all bent out on being serious, then plays into trends and lacks originality.

I treat creating under hunnid jaws as a full multi-medium, creative universe. My press shots were fun. They feel so old, they're from a past life at this point. The series are under themes of objectification, erotica, and sex culture paradigms mirroring a literal interpretation of my pseudonym. The general idea was around for 2 years before it came together with my homegirl Syd who's in Rotterdam now. The actual process felt like I was suffocating and stung my eyes, basically honey-board torture. I'm sitting on a lot of weird ideas and bizarre influences. Just takes one or two sentences for an idea to be a good one. I'm excited to use them when I have more content and collaborators. I'd love to art direct for others. And to do more video. Or something extrasensory.

Did you set out with a particular idea for this mix? Where / how did you record it? I recorded it in my room on my pioneer ddj-sb controller. No set intention but this mix is a missing cut from a film reel, like a glimpse into my flashback. Disorienting like a horror flick being played in reverse.

What do you have planned for the rest of 2017? Conjuring up some gigs and beats. Ya tu sabes.

If you had to pick something for people to listen to immediately after this mix what would it be? If you can hold out, listen to Call Dibs this Thursday 6-8pm CET.

#Hunni'd Jaws #Call Dibs #Mix Series #lvlsrvryhi #the levels are very high #interview

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beautifulramblingbrains · 8 years ago

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Bound By Blood - Chapter 5

Pairing: Eric/OC *Sarah* Fandom: Divergent Rating: M - Just an extra heads up to the kids in the back.

She’s bound by the love for her family. And he won’t rest till he finds the face to his ghosts.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading. Here’s the next chapter. :) Big shout out to @murmelinchen , thanks my love.

Tags:@dauntlessmetalmom @equalstrashflavoredtrash @badassbaker @red-diary @pathybo @insertamazingwords @feminamortem @halefiresurvivor @suchlonelymuchsoul @elaacreditava @lauraaan182 @synnocence @jcause @glittergiirlgg @platitudinise @frecklefaceb @mimigemrose @sparklemichele @beltz2016 @ariwolff14 @queensoybean @impalalala6799 @tomarisela @original46 @tigpooh67 @alida90 @beastcoastbitchez

Wayne drinks the coffee that was offered to him. It was slightly fancier than he had had at Dauntless - that and the fact it was served with a delightful view made it even better. The Erudite assistant of Jeanine's doesn't seem to pay him any attention as he unashamedly checks her out.

He sips on his coffee expressively, making sure he slurped while Jeanine peered down her nose at him. As ever, she was perfectly immaculate, hair pulled back and lacquered. He takes another long moment and sighs. "Okay, I'm feeling pretty good now."

"Indeed." Jeanine tries a smile but it's none other than a grimace.

"So…" Wayne places his cup down and rubs his hands together when the assistant leaves the room. "When were you going to tell me that you were involved with the factionless?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Eric gouged my eye out because I went after his woman!" Wayne suddenly shouts. "Look, I'm not wired." Jeanine still eyes him suspiciously. "I can take my clothes off if you really want me to."

"No, I prefer that image not to be burned into my mind. But thank you." She uncrosses her legs and leans forward to the low coffee table in front of them, grabbing a cube of sugar and drops it into her own hot drink. "And I've merely given the factionless a little leeway. They needed something that only we had and we came to an unwritten settlement."

Wayne can't process the meaning, leaning his arms on his knees towards her. "Months ago you were afraid of the factionless."

"I wasn't afraid. I was bothered that Dauntless held no interest in protecting the faction that the others can't go without. It seemed foolish and illogical."

"Yeah, but we know you got your own soldiers. The other's don't."

"Some poorly trained guards who barely made it through their initiation in Erudite because they were far too stupid. We're all saved!" She snorts, then leans back for her coffee. "Some food and medicine go a long way. If there is anything I need, they are happy to provide me."

Wayne's mouth is slightly open as he hums. "Huh. Why didn't we think of that?"

"Because Eric is hot-headed. Factionless are weak in his eyes."

"Well…" Wayne looks at the floor, "they technically are drop-outs and fail-"

"Enough. I have my own opinions which are similar to yours but I also seem to attain the only intelligence in this whole city to see what is happening. Something I'm subtly preparing for."

"Sweet, but you've also lost me with your yabbering."

"The unity of the factions is falling. It's failing. The signs are all there. Soon we will all be driven to unite or part, including the factionless."

"Well, that ain't no big deal, I remember we took out most of their camps months ago and then some of them…" He begins slowing down, the realization beginning to sink in. "Disappeared." He taps the coffee table. "That was you, wasn't it?"

"I abided them safe passage and gained their trust." She nods with a hint of a subtle smile.

"So, technically, it's not factionless Eric's hunting right now. It's party-goers of your self-righteous ass doing things by your word. Ma'am, you are…" He laughs, wheezing as he falls back in his seat, apparently in awe. "You are something else!"

Jeanine appears smug with his small speech and especially by the way he was admiring her. "Well, I'm glad that small circumstance appeases you and you're not worried in the slightest that the factions are failing."

"Nah, the factions haven't worked in years."

"Yes, but I am not the only one to know that, Wayne. And quite frankly, my plans to lure Eric to cooperate haven't exactly…"

"They're fucked?"

"Poetic. There was some alleviation from the suppressant he was taking that has affected the sim, but not enough to regain his full memory. It's genuinely only made him conscious of it." Jeanine inhales deeply. "In a way, I have failed myself. I shouldn't have taken any chances."

"The Stiff girl we are talking about right now, yeah?"

"Yes," she sighs. "I didn't want to do this. But for your safety and mine, we may have to start thinking of a way to-"

"You want to get rid of her?"

"A minor casualty to the bigger picture. My staged episode days ago was to prove a point that Abnegation are in the way, and to deal with our unique dilemma without anyone knowing any better. But Eric has managed to surprise me once again by bringing everything to a halt…" She drifts off in thought.

"He told me that he was suspicious but he didn't say over exactly what."

"Again, it's my mistake beginning to resurface. It's unfortunate that Eric has decided to place cameras all throughout Abnegation because now that means nobody but Dauntless are getting access to Abnegation without him knowing…" She pouts, reaching back for her coffee.

Wayne's very slow as the clogs turn in his brain, then he sharply looks at her, waving his hands up and down at himself. "I'm Dauntless."

"That, indeed, you are." She slyly grins onto her coffee cup as she takes a sip, watching him over the brim.

Sarah adjusts the chain on her necklace. She hadn't worn it for a while and didn't intend on wearing for the day. She just wanted to remember what it looked like and aid herself in the frequent daydreams that had been plaguing her. It was one of few small possessions that she owned.

Feeling like it was too long staring into the small handheld mirror she kept hidden away in her drawer, she puts it back gently and shuts it. Turning to Jack who is situated on her bed with two cushions beside him, fidgeting restlessly, she takes the few steps between them and sits beside him. "What do you think, hey?"

His mouth opens when she speaks, his legs stretching out and his hands ball into fists. He looks as though it's the first time he had seen her, staring intensely.

"It's actually kind of…" She scoffs, pinching the pearl pendant between her fingers. "...it's pretty." She leans over him and strokes his face. "Do you like it?" Slowly, a little lift in his lip forms a toothless and confused smile. "You do?"

"Ooo." He randomly blurts, frightening himself.

There's a creak from the room next door and Sarah reaches to the back of her neck, unclasping the necklace and getting up to put it in the drawer with her mirror. "I think your aunty is awake. Let's make breakfast." She picks Jack up, holding the back of his head as he gets to enjoy the view over her shoulder.

Mary groggily opens her door to use the bathroom, mumbling a hello and Sarah calls Thomas as she passes his room.

It's ten minutes later when a still sleepy Mary sits at the dining table with the breakfast food laid out that she rubs at her eyes and frowns at her sister sitting across from her, feeding Jack a bottle. "Okay, so this is weird. What have you done with Sarah?"

Sarah laughs, "Jack sleeps through now. I have had more than enough sleep."

"I could hear you. You woke me up."

"Oh," Sarah says dismissively. Mary yawns, pouring a bland bowl of cereal and doesn't say anything further. "I had a lot of time to think about Mother while I was trying to be quiet. I was thinking over what would be best."

"I don't trust her." Mary takes a spoonful of her breakfast. "But, if what you say is true..."

"She said they weren't together anymore," Sarah elaborates, thinking back to their small conversation they had outside the school.

Meredith had left John. They had finally split. Sarah had known at the time that John was erratic and an awful drunk and that her mother did receive the brunt of it, deserving or not. But she never thought that her mother would leave him. She always strived on their family pride.

But it had been losing her children that gave her the courage to leave, and Mother to Mother she had begged Sarah to give her a chance to prove things had changed.

"You don't have to do anything. Just so you know." Sarah sits Jack up to burp him, gently rubbing his back with his podgy face supported by her hand. "It's entirely up to you. I will support you whatever way you choose."

"I know." Mary chews slowly. "You've taken on a hell of a load of responsibility."

"We seem to be working quite well." Sarah smiles up at her for a moment. "I like the way we are living now."

"I just wish you could do the things you want to do."

"I wish for nothing."

"You do. I hear you sometimes…" Mary let's slip. "I mean, I thought you were praying or something at first."

"I just ask whoever is listening to help me out sometimes." Jack finally burps, loudly, and both girls snort from his interruption.

There's a long silence with Thomas' feet stomping around above them until Mary eventually says, "We should start off with a dinner in the evenings and go from there."

Sarah wasn't aware she was thinking about it anymore. But nonetheless, she lightly nods at her sister. "Great."

Eric swirls the bourbon in his glass. Slouched back in the single armchair, he stares out into the vacant room. The side of his glass is moistened by the melting ice and he takes one long sip, trying to draw a conclusion in his head.

"Why did I move?" he asks himself the same question that's been bothering him, and sure enough the mental block begins to hum.

There's a specific mark on the wall opposite him that has caught his eye a few times. A brand new apartment already faulty? And he doesn't remember how it got there?

"What a load of shit," he mumbles, sitting forward and putting his glass down. He rubs at his face, digging the pads of his fingers over his closed eyes and suddenly feels a tickling sensation against his cheek.

He brings his hands back to look at his palms. A hair, caught by his dampened fingers, glints in the dull lighting from the kitchen. He pinches it and holds it up, blond and long it dangles in front of him.

There was a lot of blonds in Dauntless.

He hadn't seen Sarah today.

He bolts up from his chair, marches into the kitchen and holds it more into the light. He smirks as another piece of the puzzle slots into place. "I see you."

"Thanks, Miss," A Dauntless guard says politely when he takes the bottle of water out of Sarah's hand.

"No problem," she chirps, enjoying the small task. Someone taps on her shoulder, signaling for a bottle from the wicker basket held aloft on her forearm and she serves him one. "Here you are." She looks around her, seeing if there was anyone else and spots Mark with a comrade, expressively talking and pointing up and down the street.

She thinks quickly, then makes her way over. His comrade notices first and nudges Mark. He turns with a confused expression that eases when he notices her. "Oh! Hey, Sarah!"

"Hello..." She waits till they are alone and tilts her head to the side, lifting a hand to block the sun from her eyes. "Uhm… I'm not very good at this. But I feel that I need to because isn't that like a thing now."

Mark's lips lift and it shows his teeth. "Uh oh. Am I getting the talk?"

Sarah can't help but chuckle. "No. Well, not really." She bunches up her nose. "Are you interested in my sister for anything other than fun?"

"Wow, that's pretty direct."

"I learned from the best." She scoffs, thinking of Eric. "I'm not trying to be…" She bites her lip. "I just. I hope...damn it." Mark only laughs, waiting for her to finish. "I sound awfully ignorant now. But I'm-"

"No, I get it." He motions to the basket, "May I?" Sarah hands him one and he uncaps it taking a quick glug. He wipes the back of his hand across his forehead and begins to loosen his shoulders. "Shall we start this again?"

"I think maybe we should."

"Okay." He clears his throat and shifts uneasily from foot to foot. "I would like the permission to date Mary. I know you are her sister and not her parents...well, you are kind of are like her parents now but... not-"

Sarah holds a hand up. "Mark, you're ruining it."

"Ah, okay."

"But sure, only if you come to dinner first."

"Me?" He swallows, his voice taking on a high, breaking tone. "You're inviting me for dinner? Like, alone?"

"Mark…" Sarah says slowly. "I'm asking you to have dinner with the family, including Mary. I'm not saying we should."

Mark lets out a sigh of relief, putting his hands on his waist. "Thank god for that." His eyes widen and he panics. "No, no, no. I didn't mean that like, thank god because you're ugly…" He pales. "God, no. You're not ugly either! Jesus."

"Mark, shut up and we'll see you tonight."

He salutes without speaking another word. Walking away Sarah hides her laugh.

"...I broke my toe that day, but I still had to keep going because failing wasn't an option. Those first few weeks at Dauntless are like, critical." Mark frowns down at his empty bowl.

Sarah, who only served herself the smallest portion and finished way before Mary and Mark, sighs with her head in her hands across from them before perking up at his request. "Do you want more?"

"I heard stories of Abnegation food... But this ain't bad." He laughs, and Mary does so along with him with a certain twinkle in her eye which worsens the heavy feeling in Sarah's stomach at the sight of them. "I don't want to be a bother."

Sarah jerks back to her senses. "Oh no, it's fine! I'll-I'll get some more." She takes his bowl and as she walks away she hears them talking quietly. Her shoulders sag as soon as she is in the kitchen - she had never felt so badly out of place. And she couldn't really piece together why exactly she felt like that. Having set the dinner up herself and knowing they would be just the three of them while the youngest slept, it somehow makes her feel worse; as though she was compensating for herself. But she never imagined herself to feel...jealous, and so alone because of the situation.

Her intentions were to understand Mark - what his interest was in her sister and to figure out the type of person he was. And now that she got to know him, see him interact with her sister - e was just...perfect. Sarah couldn't fault him.

Having filled up Mark's bowl without thinking and clouded by her daydreaming, she makes the decision to call it a night. Not another second did she want to watch the happiness between the two flourish. Not because she didn't want it to, but because it was the same happiness she longed to feel herself.

"I think I'm going to go to bed, it's late," Sarah announces, reentering and placing the bowl in front of Mark.

"Oh, should I go?" Mark begins to stand and Mary grabs his arm. Smiling politely, Sarah waves him back into his seat.

"Finish your food... I'm just feeling a little tired, you know." Mary doesn't seem to be fooled so easily, so she tries to lift her cheeks a little. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight and-"

Their voices are interrupted by a light knock on the door and they fall silent. Sarah breathes in slowly then treads over, comforting the other two with a quick smile over her shoulder.

She answers to see Dalton in the doorway. "Dalton? What are you doing here?"

"I just finished at the town meeting at the hall and was passing your house and saw the lights on. You okay?"

"Yeah, we were just having late dinner and-"

"We?" He frowns and pushes the door open further, noticing Mark and Mary at the table. Seeing that it isn't who he was looking for, he stops in his tracks. "Oh." His jaw twitches, looking back down at Sarah and his tone is heavily laced with sarcasm. "You have a Dauntless for dinner?"

"I was just going to bed…" She trails off, folding her arms and noticing how rejected he suddenly appears. "But you can come in and stay for a bit if you want."

"I don't want to interrupt."

"It's…" She thinks back to Eric's words briefly, but she can't turn him away now and it's not like he was going to be staying for the night. "...Not a problem." She stares up at him as he contemplates, his eyes wandering back to Mary and Mark who are talking among themselves.

"Okay."

Mark slides his report across the desk towards Eric. "As requested, sir."

Eric picks it up, roaming over it quickly. "This is late. All PM reports should be delivered before midnight, so we can execute the information on the turn-over."

"I didn't think there would be a problem since there was no cause for concern." Mark rushes.

Eric's eyes flicker up and down the young soldier who isn't even aware he's given him the once over. He rubs a thumb across his lip quickly before continuing. "Is there something far more interesting in Abnegation that it's distracting you from your duties?"

"I was invited to dinner by residents, but only after my shift ended. I would never put pleasure before-"

Eric chuckles causing him to pause. "That's what they all say. But to the point, I don't give a shit what you do afterward. These reports are vital and must be logged on time." The boy nods, looking distraught enough for his liking. "Now, I'm busy. Get out."

"Yes, sir. Certainly, sir." He gathers himself to leave.

"Don't let me down again," Eric calls after him.

In the doorway of his office, Mark nods, but stops, holding the door ajar. "Can I say something?"

Eric breathes in slowly, annoyance etching across his features. "Is it important?"

"It's an opinion." Eric huffs, but still raises an eyebrow for him to continue. "I don't think Abnegation have anything to do with the factionless. They are just victims stuck between two bigger factions."

"Seems we share the same opinion. What made your mind up?"

"A girl." Mark smiles a little till he realizes who is in front of him and sterns his face again. "Uhm...good day."

Eric shakes his head, snorting through his nose. It seems they also shared another attribute. Speaking of which…

He peers out into the room, then finds himself clicking through the database till he gets to the recordings of the last few days. Whether it was a general curiosity or maybe hinting on suspicion of Mark, he finds himself dropping into the feed of last night. It was only a street-view, life fast-forwarding and having them closely resemble ants as he skipped through the day. "Fifteen-hundred patrol…" he mumbles when he spots them surveying the street. Gradually the daylight begins to dim and he slows it down.

Mark appears on the screen and Eric watches him closely, sneering at the screen. "You fucking son of a bitch..." When Mark stops outside the Bennett's house and Sarah invites him in, Eric's fingers tense on the mouse.

Mark's not seen again and Eric skips a few more hours. Clicking heavily he speeds past a small moment outside the Bennett's door again. He has to rewind and replay it. It's a mere minute but it's obvious who exactly it was standing outside her door.

The rage begins to burn in his veins and his voice of reason seems to be nothing but an echo. He feels his shoulders beginning to tighten and every inch of him fighting to remain still. On the outside, even a wise man would be fooled at the vacant expression on his face.

But the persistent grinding of his teeth proves otherwise.

There's a crunch as the button on the mouse breaks, the plastic creaking between his vice-like fingers. "No more Stiff boy sleepovers…" he hisses, completely furious that Sarah had ignored his every word.

He gets up, grabbing his gun and holsters it, fuming with every intention to make her submit to him. He knows nothing of what his next actions might be, but he knows he has to remind her exactly who has staked their claim upon her. Unreasonably or not, he simply didn't fucking care anymore.

And just when his thought process peaks… Glen appears in the doorway, throwing him off. "Sir, the trucks are ready."

"Fuck the hunt!" He sharply glares at his subordinate and unintentionally reveals his annoyance.

Glen's face is just as perplexed at his outburst. "You, er, want us to rearrange?"

Eric leans forward on the desk, breathing deeply and recalculating the importance of the search for factionless over Sarah; she will be safely tucked away at Abnegation, none the wiser he intends to pay her a surprise visit when the time is right.

Wayne flicks his cigarette out from the warehouse platform, watching Eric orchestrate to a group further in the distance. He lingers on the sight for a minute before reaching into his back pocket for the phone Jeanine had provided him with. Putting it to his ear, she answers quickly but wordlessly.

"Has the site been evacuated?" he asks after a second, a lot quieter than usual and peers over his shoulders in case of any eavesdroppers.

"They have headed East towards Amity."

"Don't underestimate his abilities. I've seen him first-hand in a hunt and he's a machine."

"They are keeping themselves mobile till they hear otherwise."

Suddenly Eric shouts Wayne's name, but he is looking in the wrong direction for him, much to Wayne's relief. "I'll get back to you when it's clear."

"Now you are starting to sound like a true leader, Wayne."

He doesn't reply. He puts the phone down, shoving it back in his pocket and hops off the platform. Eric's eyes are on him and he throws his hands up in the air. "What we still doing waiting around? Let's get ourselves some factionless!" The soldiers whoop at his words, but Eric is silent.

Wayne doesn't like him when he's silent.

"Mother," Sarah says in short greeting once the door opens. She can see the smile on Meredith's face is pained. Whether that be due to the fact that John recently left and she finally admitted it to her oldest daughter, or because Thomas didn't run into her arms that she held out for him, Sarah wasn't sure.

The atmosphere is awfully tense, and finally, she elbows Mary who holds a dish wrapped in foil. Mary just presents it and Sarah sighs. "We made apple pie." But Meredith's eyes are on her grandson strapped to Sarah's chest. She shifts uncomfortably before telling her mother, "His name is Jack."

"Of course I know what his name is!" That biting tone that was oh-so-familiar is there, but her expression is softer. "Why have you not come to see me sooner?"

"As a family we contemplated what would be for the best and that took a couple of days with school and other things we have been doing," Sarah tries to explain for some reason. There was something always belittling when under a Mother's scrutiny and after everything that still hadn't changed.

"I suppose that doesn't matter. What matters is that you are here." Meredith steps aside allowing them through. The house is exactly how she remembers, just minus a person.

"Where is Father staying?" Mary now decides to speak as they take their old places at the table.

"He's staying with a friend of ours until he gets permitted into a different accommodation." Meredith is distracted by Sarah unstrapping Jack and leans down over her shoulder to get a better look at him. "May I hold my grandchild?" Sarah's smile falters momentarily, but this was one thing she thought she could trust her Mother with, so they exchange, and she can't help but smile as Jack throws his arms up and down as Meredith bounces him. "My gosh…"

Sarah catches Mary's eye and they grimace slightly, mouthing an 'okay' in comfort.

"...there isn't a speck of your Mother in you, is there?" Mary snorts and Sarah rolls her eyes. Typical undercut insults were still strife. "He even...well he, he frowns exactly like him. Look at that brow." Meredith turns her arms to show everybody. "I half expected a redhead like my darling Elizabeth. You know, because you're both so fair. But he's literally a miniaturized version of his father."

"Okay, Mother. We get it. He doesn't look anything like me."

"I'm sorry, Sarah. But I'm playing catch-up here."

"Well, whose fault is that?" Mary cuts in bravely, still lingering on the past and most likely things she never got the chance to say.

"I see," Meredith says with a hint of compassion as she looks at each of her children individually. She begins to take a seat and Sarah reaches out for Jack but her Mother ignores her. "There is probably a lot of things that have been done and said that are impossible to take back. Things we have all done." Sharp eyes hit Sarah for a fleeting moment. "I, for one, want to make amends. I want us back together. I want you, my children, back with me where you belong."

"What about Sarah?" Thomas pipes, his face appearing pale and almost a little frightened.

"Sarah is an adult with her own responsibilities and her own family to look after. It's unfair to expect-"

"She's been doing a pretty good job." Mary cuts her off.

"A job you are expecting her to do with your brother when you leave next year and possibly start your own family? A single Mom raising two young boys at nineteen years old?"

Sarah rubs her forehead. "This is not why we are here. This isn't even something that should be spoken about. We are here to have a weekly dinner and a catch-up where we are supposed to talk about trivial things."

Meredith plays with Jack's hand, cooing down at him. "It's best the air is cleared."

"Okay…" Sarah huffs. "Mother, stop being a bitch. Mary, try harder. And Thomas, eat your vegetables tonight." She stands up and everyone looks at her.

"Where are you going?" Mary asks.

"I'm going home with Jack. I'm taking a long bath once I put him to bed and I know you are more than capable of walking Thomas back home at exactly nine this evening."

Sarah takes Jack from Meredith and begins strapping him back against her chest. Mary quickly moves over to her, speaking quietly in a whisper with their backs turned. "This was not part of the plan."

"No, but it seems when I'm around I am the main focus of conversation and...enough is enough." They hiss in whispers and Sarah turns not allowing Mary to convince her otherwise. "Mother, I'll see you soon."

"Thank you, Sarah." Sarah reaches the door. However this time it lightens her step a little more when she hears her Mother's words. "Let's get the dinner onto plates then, shall we? I can't wait to taste that apple pie. Did you help too, Thomas?"

This will be a good thing, she tells herself.

Crouching down and picking at the soil between his fingers, Eric grunts a sharp sigh in annoyance. "They knew we were coming..." He looks along the tree line and Wayne studies him for a moment. "The tracks lead in every direction."

"What are you thinking?"

"Seventy to eighty people. No families." Eric stands and begins walking and Wayne hurries to keep up.

"How'd you know?" But his question is answered when Eric bends down and picks up a trodden bullet. He dusts off the dirt and holds it up to him.

"Wild guess." His words are clipped and he glares at their surroundings.

"So…" Wayne clicks his tongue then runs it around his mouth. "What do we do now?"

"Playing hide and seek isn't my thing. We wait them out." Eric chucks the bullet at him, hard. "Get back to Dauntless. Check the armory reports and get to the bottom of exactly who is behind the missing weapons. I want it on my desk first thing." He begins walking back to the trucks and Wayne follows.

It's only when Eric hops in the driver's side and slams the door, that Wayne begins to frown in confusion and utter annoyance at the impossible task.

The engine starts with a rumble and the wheels spin as Eric floors it from the dusty grassland without so much as a second glance. Behind him in the other manned truck, the driver yells out for Wayne to get in.

"Bastard! Absolute bastard..." Wayne had an idea of where he was heading.

Sarah gasps for breath as she emerges from the bath water. It was the longest soak she had had in awhile. She takes a minute to relax back and wiggles her toes near the tap, enjoying the self-indulgent moment that was strictly forbidden. She smiles a little on that thought.

Her legs looked shiny from being freshly shaved, and every part of her felt loose and relaxed as she felt herself slowly drifting to a more tranquil place in her mind.

But the water was beginning to get cold now, so she drags herself from her peaceful place. The air is cool against her skin but muggy from the condensation and every part of her was a blushed shade of pink, she could feel her cheeks radiating healthily.

She wipes the towel through her hair first to stop it from dripping, then her arms and legs. She hesitates though on one of few marks from carrying Jack on her lower stomach; still relatively new and more pronounced from her bath.

Her breasts were still how they had been before, pregnancy hadn't taken its toll and she'd managed to quickly get back into her shape. Though, she still felt different.

For some absurd reason, she wonders slightly if Eric noticed the marks, or whether he disliked her body. At the time there was nothing telling. - At the time, his actions were gravely dire than how he'd been recently, and she certainly couldn't say she didn't find him charming on their last few encounters.

But he was certainly more sculpted than she remembered. Broader and firm when she had placed her hands on his shoulders. - That, or it had been too long that she had ultimately forgotten.

However, it wasn't just his shape that seemed to pivot her stomach. It was everything...

His words; that were borderline seductive recently. His eyes; traveling to places they shouldn't and unabashedly keeping her stare. His touch; so far from hesitant that it was demanding, though she would respond instantly.

Whether she wanted to admit it or not, it was the way he owned her body. When she was near him, it was like a pathological drug that consumed her quicker than striking a match, no matter how hard she tried to ignore it.

...Sarah drops the towel to the floor while thinking of him. Her alleviated breathing increasing so audibly that it was now the main focus in the room. And she curses herself as she leans forward, hands gripping the sink painfully.

She imagines him looming behind her. - And on that thought she moves her hand, trailing it down her abdomen, the fingers cold and now, somewhat foreign, adding to the sensation as she impatiently reaches her desired destination.

Her legs clench and she hums at the feel of her already participating core. She lets her own senses guide her, and selfishly loves every moment of it. Two fingers slide gracefully inside of her, curling as she finds the perfect spot that makes her hips roll and moans, completely subconsciously.

She imagines secret moments shared only between them - needing hands and smothered breaths. The way Eric would bite at her skin, suck it into his mouth to mark her when he was near his release. The way she would hold onto him, thighs spread as he delved deeper, leaving tiny pieces of him inside that solidified his claim… The way her name would roll off his tongue...

It all builds suddenly, and her vision blurs, her legs shaking as her other hand strokes her clit.

She says his name...

In only a wheezing whisper. But she said it.

It throws Sarah off when the grueling come down from her high begins to wash over her. She cleans her hands quickly and slaps a palm on the sink, she uses the other to smooth back her hair in shame. "Stupid," she tells herself. "You're a stupid fool."

Huffing, she pushes away, hanging the towel and slips quietly from the bathroom into her bedroom where Jack sleeps soundly. It felt sinful, strolling around stark naked, but there was no one here to care, so neither did she.

Busying herself in a drawer with a few pieces of her nightwear, her fingers just pulling out a dress, a particular noise has her freeze. Her next movements are swift as she throws the delicate material over her head, adjusting it to her body and smoothing the length of it as she steps back into the corridor. Biting at her lip, there's a scuff on the concrete steps and her heart almost flips.

"Mary?" Her voice is the sound of utter betrayal by the dryness and breathlessness of it. "Thomas?" There is no reply. She frowns, usually they would always reply.

Sarah doesn't want to walk further towards the shadowed stairs, the ground floor was darker with no lighting because before she had no intention of going back down there. But, she cannot let the thought go. The sound was too specific.

She pushes herself along the wall to the top of the stairs, hesitating, then looking back to her room fearfully. "Hello?" she calls and waits, again there was no reply.

Her bare feet touch the slabs of concrete that make the stairs, each one quiet and light as she wanders slowly down into the darkness. She takes the last of them, checking the front door which is closed, then studying the room. It's bleak, and it doesn't look like anyone is here.

She could've sworn…

Sarah gathers herself, almost running to the light switch when movement in the corner of her eye has her yelp. It doesn't last long, suddenly her feet leave the floor, her chest restricted from an arm holding her up and a hand firmly over her mouth.

"I see my self-defense lesson was wasted on you." The words are whispered harshly, Eric's breathing ragged as he begins to walk forward as if she weighed nothing.

Sarah makes a pathetic attempt to stop him when he walks to the table, placing her on the end of it and shoving her knees apart to wedge himself between them. She struggles against his hold but he's solid and unmovable. His face is shadowed by the darkness but she can see the blue hue of his eyes, a serious, almost pained expression. He looks angry, agitated, and she freezes. When he grabs the back of her neck, her head falls back as she stares helplessly up at him. "Do you know how frustrating it is to hear someone saying your name while they fuck themselves?"

Sarah is beyond blushing at his words, fighting to remain still as his free hand grabs at the bottom of her dress and lifts it shamelessly, revealing her hips and absolutely nothing but her bare skin. His breath hitches and his tongue darts out to his bottom lip when he looks down, eagerly pushing himself closer. "Do you like the way my name sounds when you moan it?" His fingers dance up her side, underneath the material, stopping near her breasts. "Were you imagining me fucking you?" At her lack of response, a growl leaves his throat and he widens his stance to push his hips harder between her. "In fact, I want to hear you moan it again."

At his decree, she finally swallows, snapping to her senses. "Why are you here? How'd you get in?"

His lips lift to form a sneer, and he grabs her face harshly. "I thought I told you…" His thumb brushes against her mouth, revealing her bottom teeth. "No. More. Stiff. Boy. Sleepovers."

"You are beginning to sound jealous, Mr. Coulter."

He scoffs at her playful tone, "Is there a reason why I should be jealous, Miss. Bennett?"

Bravely, she keeps his eyes as she whispers, "It was your name I moaned, wasn't it?" His eyes flicker back and forth between her eyes and her lips, seemingly contemplating her words. "Is Eric Coulter finally speechless?" The intensity of his stare is too strong and she can't help but look away. "You shouldn't be here. You can't be here…" she mutters as she places a hand against his chest and pushes at him lightly.

"That's something I've told myself, sweetheart. And it brings me back to your last question, why am I here?" He shrugs with a pout, letting his words linger. "I'm here because I'm almost certain something has happened with your direct involvement."

Sarah shifts uneasily, trying to put a distance between them and realizing he's far more informed than he had been letting on recently. She was a fool to think otherwise.

He takes his hands from her, playing with the loose lace on the front of her dress as he speaks. "For whatever reason, I haven't taken it upon myself to pry the information like I usually would. But I like facts. Facts that are growing." His eyes lock onto hers. "I've taken guesses that you've had involvement with the factionless…" He lists off. "But then, Dalton mentioned you were caught between the crossfire... I've thought that you've had involvement with Jeanine in aid to help the movement for beneficial gain…" Sarah blinks quickly, mouth parting to detest it, but Eric's faster. "So you have had contact with Jeanine? Interesting."

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to. But I know it's not any involvement to do with the moving as you protest it." Turning her head away, she pulls at the length of her dress to move it back down her legs. "Oh, no no no. We've gotten so far. Why are you turning away now that I am so close to finding out?" Eric asks expressively.

"Why are you so fixated on this? Please, just leave it be," she begs.

"Don't deflect. It's time to tell the truth." He grips her wrist from the table, placing his thumb on her pulse point and feels for the uncontrolled increase of a solid liar. "I also thought that perhaps the baby was something to do with Dauntless…" He watches her nostrils flare slightly, and the way her hand begins to ball into a fist. "Just as I suspected."

She quickly jerks back. "Stop this! Stop it! Do you have any idea how you sound?"

"To me, it's all sounding a lot more plausible than it was days ago, sweetheart." Her face is half illuminated from the natural light of the moon that tinges the room, and he reaches out, touching the smooth skin on a small part of her shoulder that's exposed. "I'm not mad at you. You would know if I was. I can assure you." The familiarity of his caress has her body reacting instantly; though she is wary of the alluring tone of his voice she has heard so many times over.

Goosebumps rise on her skin while his sight burns holes straight through her. His voice is temptingly smooth and far more calm than earlier. The warmth of the pads of his fingers sinking through her built armor. "...I'm just trying to get to a head with what bastard faction is behind this before I clean up. But I think we both know, I just want you to say it." He massages deeper into her tensed shoulder. "I can protect you. I told you that."

"You…" She gnaws the inside of her cheek, fighting back the tears. "You might not like what you find out about me and my past."

"Cut the bullshit! There's a lapse in my memory that has been taken from me for one reason or another! That much I know. And now I want to know everything." He cups either side of her face as the words seem to tumble out of his mouth. "It's time to tell me. I don't want to do something I might regret, Sarah. Don't make me."

"Please, Eric…" She begs again. "Please, just leave it be."

"My responsibility lies in the protection of all the factions. Do you understand the force I can use if there is any evidence of your involvement? Don't make me hurt you, Sarah." He pressurizes her, keeping her head wedged between his hands.

"If I tell you, will you leave me alone?"

"The thing is, I can't. I can't keep myself away from you because my fucking mind won't let me." He laughs suddenly, his breath touching her face in their close proximity. "I've fucking tried. It's illogical. It's irrational. But I- "

Sarah pushes through his hands, cutting off his words and brushing her mouth against his in a sudden unthought act that even betrayed her own reasoning. She can tell by the way he tenses that he wasn't expecting it, but he does reciprocate, even if it is only partly.

However, his hands drop from her face and glide through the side of his shaved head suddenly as he turns his back to her, walking out into the room with an air of annoyance left behind him that leaves her dropping fearfully back into her shoulders.

He doesn't move nor face her, so she slides off the table to walk up behind him. "I'm-I'm sorry...I shouldn't have done that." She wrings her hands, feeling like she was approaching a cornered animal that might lash out at any minute. But she ignores the voice telling her to run, being overwhelmed with another that she blamed for her unfounded actions.

She watches as Eric breathes in deeply, broadening his shoulders, and she reaches out to touch his arm. "I'm sorry-"

His body turns unbelievably fast and he mutters something under his breath. But she can't make it out because before she has the time to react, he crashes his mouth forcefully against hers, both of his hands gripping her neck and fingers knotting into the back of her hair. He concentrates on her top lip, sucking at the skin, before biting the bottom.

It almost takes her off her feet as she stumbles backward, trying to keep up with his frantic demands and ends up steadying herself on the hem of his jacket, gripping helplessly.

When she parts her lips and their tongues meet, he groans, pushing her further back, as if it was something that he had been longing for. He raises a hand from her neck, placing a thumb near her mouth to brush at her lip when he pulls back, meeting her inquisitive gaze. "You shouldn't have done that."

"I know," she whispers, looking up at him fearfully but he kisses her again, roughly. And this time Sarah links her arms around his neck and hoists herself up with his help to get her legs around his waist.

"You really shouldn't," he mumbles breathlessly.

"I know." Her lips feel swollen as he devours them, switching between claiming her mouth and biting at her skin. She leans back to give him access to her neck which he takes greedily, trailing an open mouth across her jaw, and she allows her eyes to close.

"Shall I tell you what I know?" It wasn't a question and she can't reply, feeling his palm slide under her naked ass. The sensation makes her hips roll against him illicitly and it doesn't go unnoticed by Eric who hums from the friction.

He kisses the soft skin of her neck before he pulls the flesh into his mouth, hard enough to leave a mark and jolts back so he can implant his words into her swimming lustrous mind. He scoffs, showing a smile that is rare and would otherwise seem entirely innocent. Yet, it falters and she gasps as he grabs a fistful of her hair, yanking her head back. "I knew it was you!"

#eric coulter #eric divergent #eric divergent fanfiction #fanfiction #chapter 5 #bound by blood #sequel #eric and sarah #oc #jai courtney #divergent #insurgent #eric

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filipeteimuraz · 6 years ago

Text

9 Tips to Create Highly Engaging Content

Anyone can produce content.

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Often, marketers try to come up with the most cost-effective solution to content creation. They pay some writer with no experience to write blog posts at $20 per article.

Well, like anything else, you get what you pay for. You can’t expect this type of content to be original and engaging.

Write your content so that it’s unmistakably your own. Put your personality into everything you produce. In doing so, you’ll end up growing a loyal group of followers and readers.

Again, this takes more time and effort, but it’ll be easier for you to increase your engagement metrics this way.

2. Produce actionable content

I just talked about the goals of your marketing campaigns.

What do you want? If you don’t know the purpose of your content, the consumer won’t have any idea either.

You need to know what you want someone to do after they consume a piece of your content.

For example, let’s say you’re promoting a new product on your website. You decide to blog about it. This is a great idea, but that alone won’t get people to buy the product.

Your post needs to highlight the features and benefits, how it can be used, how you have used it, and how it can improve the lives of the consumers.

This primes the reader to make the purchase. Let’s look at an example of that.

This blog post from BuildFire talks about how to hire a developer to build your mobile app. But as a custom app building platform, the team wants its audience to use its software instead:

This section of the blog post starts by questioning the need to hire a developer at all. It discusses some potential issues with that method and offers an alternative solution.

Then the company pitches its own service. The pitch is followed by a hyperlink that brings the reader to a landing page for sign-ups.

This is arguably the most important part of this post. Why?

You can’t assume your audience will read something, navigate to your ecommerce site, search for a product, then click on it and add it to their carts.

That’s way too many steps. They should be able to complete this action with one click from within the post, just like in the example above.

If your readers can buy something with just a click or two, they will be more likely to complete the action. Do you want readers to sign up for your email list? Give them the option to click to join.

Finding these buttons on your site shouldn’t be a scavenger hunt. The buttons need to be obvious so that your site visitors can complete the desired action.

3. Publish accurate information

If you’ve been reading my blogs for a while, you know how much I love to include statistics and research within my content.

I recommend you do the same.

But you need to be careful of the information you publish. Basically, anyone can put anything on the Internet today. It’s important that you recognize the quality and accuracy of the websites you’re sourcing.

You may come across a relevant statistic, but if it’s on some no-name blog and doesn’t include a data source, you can’t know for sure whether the information is accurate.

That’s why it’s best to source your information from authority sites only. In addition to making sure the source is reputable, make sure it’s recent.

Information changes at a rapid rate.

A statistic or study from ten years ago may not be relevant today. But if your content provides up to date and accurate info, people will be more inclined to engage with it.

Here’s another tip to keep in mind: don’t let your old content go to waste. Just because you published something in 2012 doesn’t mean you can’t refresh it with 2018 information.

Look at how HubSpot uses this strategy to keep its content as up to date as possible:

First, they changed the title. This lets their readers know the post has been updated with new data.

But that’s not all it does. HubSpot even tells you the exact date when the team updated the post.

It’s an effective strategy.

This shows everyone the website strives to publish accurate information, which readers find more engaging.

If you really want to wow your audience, you could conduct research yourself, producing your own study. This will help you stay original, which I discussed above.

Yes, this will be more difficult and time-consuming. But now you know for sure the results are accurate and 100% unique.

Even if someone else conducted a similar study, the results won’t be exactly the same, and yours will be more up to date.

4. Tell a story

While data is important, it’s easier for people to relate to stories than to naked facts.

That’s why we read books, watch movies, binge-watch television shows, and keep up with reality and celebrity news. We want to know what comes next in the story.

You can learn how to increase sales by mastering the art of storytelling.

Telling a story will help you connect with your audience. It can also improve your credibility on a subject.

For example, let’s say you’re writing a fitness blog. If you tell a story that happened during your personal certification training, your audience will realize you’re qualified and knowledgeable on the topic.

They are more likely to read what you have to say as opposed to reading content produced by someone who has never worked out a day in their life.

You want to share stories that stimulate an emotional response from the audience:

The graphic above explains how our brains react when we have an emotional connection to a story.

Speak in a way that’s relatable to your audience. Try to evoke powerful emotions such as joy, fear, or sadness.

Just make sure your story advances your goal and encourages the reader to complete the action you want them to take.

5. Make your audience think

Being original is one thing. But being thought-provoking is another. It’s an art.

The idea behind thought-provoking content is that the reader can relate to what you’re saying. You don’t always need to talk about a concept in black and white terms.

Let the readers’ imaginations run wild in that grey area.

Ask questions with no definitive answers. Paint a picture with some abstract scenarios.

But make it relevant to current events, pop culture, and our daily lives. This will keep your audience hooked and help them engage with your content.

This type of strategy can also help stimulate discussions in the comments section of your content. As a result, people will keep coming back to your website to check in on the discussion.

Ultimately, this is great news for you in terms of your traffic and engagement metrics. Each visit increases the chances of a conversion.

6. Use visuals

I know I mostly talked about written content so far.

But your overall content marketing strategy is much bigger than that. Pictures and videos need to be incorporated into this strategy.

Take original photos. It’s easy to take and edit photos without hiring a professional.

Look at how visual elements are being incorporated into blog posts over the past four years:

That’s because marketers recognize how much of an impact visual elements have on their successes.

You can also enhance your content by building infographics. As I said earlier, if you conduct your own research, you will have original content.

Infographics take this concept to the next level. Since people remember images more than text, they will be more likely to retain information if it’s in the form of a picture or graph.

Produce videos. The possibilities with video content are nearly endless. Here are a few of my favorite suggestions:

“how-to” videos

product demonstrations

entertainment

discussions

interviews

Add videos to your website, posts, email newsletters, and social media channels.

7. Master your headlines

Before your content can be consumed, it needs to be clicked on.

That’s why you need to focus your efforts on creating clickable headlines. Whether it’s on your website, social media channels, or organic search results pages, your headline will be the first thing people see.

If you’ve got boring headlines, people have no reason to click.

Just don’t give it all away with your headline. For example, if your headline says something like “Men eat more than women,” nobody will have a reason to read the article.

But if it intrigues them with a question which sex eats the most, it will pique the readers’ interest, and you’ll get more clicks.

Here’s a look at some of the top performing headlines by engagement metrics on Facebook:

Use this as a reference when you’re crafting your own headlines.

8. Hook readers with your intro

Okay, so you’ve got some people who clicked on your headline. That’s great news.

However, this doesn’t mean they’ll read through all your content. In fact, research shows that 55% of your audience spends only up to 15 seconds reading your articles.

In short, they’re not actually reading it. They’re just skimming.

That’s why you need to learn how to write blog post introductions that make the rest of your post irresistible.

If you can hook the readers with your opening lines, they will be more likely to remain interested throughout the post.

This works in conjunction with your headline and CTA. All these elements should be working together toward your goal.

9. Mix up your content

Posts shouldn’t be all the same. That’s just boring.

Nobody wants to read a case study every day. Keep your audience on their toes to make sure they get excited with your content.

If one day you tell a story, the next day you talk about research. Your following post could be centered around a video.

Next, you could promote a product. Blog about recent events. Add a humorous or compelling spin to it.

Whatever you do, don’t let your content go stale.

Conclusion

Producing engaging content isn’t easy. That’s why businesses agree that it’s the most challenging aspect of their marketing campaigns.

But with some extra time and effort, you can figure out ways to create engaging content.

It’s all about being original and separating yourself from the crowd. Produce content that’s actionable.

All of your information needs to be accurate and up to date.

Tell stories to capture the attention of your readers. Make them think outside the box. Use visual elements to enhance your content.

Focus on getting clicks with your headlines and then keep your readers interested with the opening lines and introduction.

Don’t use only one of these strategies. Mix up your content to keep things interesting.

If you follow the 9 tips I’ve listed above, you’ll find it much easier to create highly engaging content.

http://www.quicksprout.com/tips-to-create-highly-engaging-content/ Read more here - http://review-and-bonuss.blogspot.com/2019/03/9-tips-to-create-highly-engaging-content.html

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easythingstodrawtutorials · 7 years ago

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POWERFUL Tips to Learning Easy Things to Draw for Beginners

New Post has been published on https://easythingstodraw.net/powerful-tips-to-learning-easy-things-to-draw-for-beginners/

POWERFUL Tips to Learning Easy Things to Draw for Beginners

I’ve been to many different art schools and have seen many many student go from complete beginner to working professional. I saw things in myself as well. There are so many different methods of how to introduce the topic of drawing. And I’ve seen what works and what doesn’t. This page is made up of the things I feel you honestly need to learn first. Its written in a very easy format to understand easy things to draw for beginners. Our ultimate goal is to create cool pictures to draw.

So Let’s Begin…

Here is what I go over:

Sketching made easy.

The real Soul of Sketching.

Sketches depict your artist mind.

Observational drawing

10 Truths About Artists

Look at what you are drawing

Draw From Rel Objects Whenever Possible

Don’t Trace

Use Grids and Rough Forms

Sketching: – make it easy

The following are some of the simple steps you should follow to make the sketching easy

If you are just bored and have nothing to do, or like to draw but do not like to make fancy, you should sketch. Sketching is a wonderful way to express your feelings, or create a quick doodle. This article isn’t a full in-depth guide to drawing because there is definitely no rules to drawing/sketching at all. These are merely tips to make your sketching experience fast, least painful, and fun. I hope you enjoy my guide, and find it useful. Also, don’t forget to See 3 Ways to Get Better Faster Easy Things to Draw

To start off, think of your planned sketch. Visualize it in your mind and if you can, rotate it in your brain, to better understand what you’ll be drawing.

Look for shapes such as circles, squares, triangles, etc. to relate to. This will aid in the shading process, and even help you sketch look better if you understand the basic shape of what you are about to draw.

Position yourself comfortably. If you are uncomfortable, your drawing will look worse than what it should, so get a nice chair, fix the lighting and put on some favorite music. Also, don’t forget to See 3 Ways to Get Better Faster Easy Things to Draw

Good hands: How does that help? If your hands are all sticky, wet or cold, your hand will not perform as well as it should.

Position your paper: This goes along with being comfortable, so put your paper at an angle that you feel comfortable with. There’s no set way.

If your item is small, place it in front of you where you can effectively sketch it. If it is something large, such as a car or tree, then get a clip board, sit down by it, and start sketching.

The real soul of sketching

First, just so that we are on the same page, here is how I define sketching: The purpose of sketching is to capture the main idea of your drawings. Sketches do not have to have detail. Some sketches are drawn before a big art piece to help layout the main ideas.

Other sketches are a collection of quick drawings. The purpose is not to spend a long period of time. That is drawing. Sketches should be rough, fast, and meaningful. Also, don’t forget to See 3 Ways to Get Better Faster Easy Things to Draw

With this in mind, here are the key elements that I look for in my own sketches, along with what I notice in others:

Creativity: this elements can still be applied to realistic drawings like still life. I strive to show a creative use of perspective, color, composition, etc. So even if my subject matter is not necessarily creative, I try to use the elements of art as creatively and interesting as possible. The elements of art should all support the message of the art piece itself.

Lines: I consider lines to be the essence of my sketches. When I draw a sketch, I try to erase as little as possible and keep my structural lines. (Structural lines are what I use to create the form of an object). I also try to be as confident in my line stroke as possible. Confidence is a noticeable and attractive feature in art, and is what creates strong form in line drawings

Perspective: This is one of the many important element of art. But the reason I am highlighting this is because in sketches, you are not focusing on value or color. You are creating a layout of the drawing. And perspective is the key element to layout. Having accurate and interesting perspective is important to me in sketches.

Rough: No, this does not mean have a rough texture. Rough means that your sketch is not perfectly precise. I try to not over think my sketches because over thinking causes me to draw bad. The way I stay “rough” in my sketches is that I sketch lightly and do not make dark lines. I also sketch quick. Finally, I sketch with little detail. It is important for me that I do not go too much into the sketch, and let the sketch be a rough outline or foundation to my overall drawing.

Message: The main idea that I am trying to communicate to my audience should be clear and in focus. Again, sketches are just a layout to map out the main idea. So I make sure that the main idea is what I focus on when I sketch, rather than the technical elements of the art.

These are different things that I notice and appreciate in sketches. One of the reasons why sketching is so important (especially for self-portraits) is that it is a checkpoint to make sure the idea (or person) you have in mind will actually play out on paper. If there is something you realize you do not like about your drawing, it is much harder to go back and erase when you have shaded in detail. But with a light sketch, things are much easier to change and move around. Sketching and making a rough plan is essential to drawing, in my opinion.

Sketches depicts your artistic mind

The artists are interested in depicting the sensation of motion. Inspired by advanced photographic techniques and other new forms of technology and transportation, these artists chose dynamic, active subjects like the hubbub of a train station and the energy of a nightclub. Have your students make two kinds of drawings that focus on capturing movement or the sensation of movement…

Possible subjects include children playing at a playground, or a sporting event or dance performance on television. See how many different kinds of movements—running, jumping, standing, sliding, and so forth—they can depict on a page. For the first drawing, they should make quick, small sketches of figures in motion. For the second drawing, they should use different shapes, lines, and symbols to indicate the same kinds of movements sketched in the first drawing. The goal is achieve an easy things to draw for beginners. Also, don’t forget to See 3 Ways to Get Better Faster Easy Things to Draw

Have your students write a narrative of a trip from beginning to end, including as much visual information and description (such as sounds, smells, and feelings) as possible. Afterward, have them translate their experiences into three sequential drawings and give the series a title. Have them share their work with the rest of the class. In this way you can groom their artistic mind

10 truths about Artists

10 honest truths about work, life and leisure in the creative industry.

Many artists work freelance. A study by the Arts Council finds that 41% of creative workers are self-employed. Temporary work contracts can make for an interesting and varied career, though periods of unemployment between jobs are a reality for some artists.

Freelance artists budget carefully. Being self-employed means you are without pension, holiday pay or maternity benefits. Contingencies such as falling ill or having children require pre-emptive financial planning.

Artists self-promote. Many showcase their talents on Facebook, Twitter, and Linked in, as well as on their own websites. Having a good online presence shows employers that you are self-motivated and digitally literate.

Artists love socializing. Networking events are the art world’s equivalent to job hunting, but with less misery and more booze. Whether you’re searching for commissions or trying to advance your career, networking gives you the chance to meet industry professionals and expose yourself to new opportunities.

Many artists form collectives to publicize and exhibit their work. Kate Rowland, an illustrator from the collective After School Club explains: “Being in After School Club is great for motivation. It allows us to utilize each other’s skills, therefore we have more resources to help one another. It’s kind of like a creative support system. And lots of fun.”

It’s all about your portfolio. The visual arts are less grade-centric than other disciplines. An art director at a graphic design company once told me he’d think twice about hiring someone with a first-class degree, as he worried they’d have no time for hobbies outside of work. In his words, not mine, “they might be really boring”. This isn’t to say you shouldn’t aim high – another employer might appreciate a first-class candidate. Rather, you should focus on making your portfolio the best you can possibly make it. A good body of work speaks louder than grades.

Some artists supplement their income with a second job. Doing so gives them financial security while they exercise their creative passions. Take a look at some of these prolific “double jobbers”

Many artists take on internships to help kick-start their career and easy things to draw for beginners alike. Working for a company can prepare you with essential industry skills and improve your employability. The question of payment is a hot potato – in general, the shorter the internship, the less likely you are to get paid.

Job opportunities are growing. There are currently over 1.9 million people working in the creative industries. However, by 2016, the government expects this figure to skyrocket, with an additional 1.3 million new jobs in the private sector alone.

The creative sector is characterized by high levels of job satisfaction. As a result, the industry is highly competitive and jobs are sought after. If you have the passion and the motivation to stay ahead of the game, then a creative career can be an exciting and rewarding experience.

Observational Drawing

Observational drawing is an integral component of many high school Art courses, including GCSE/IGCSE and A Level Art. Often, drawing is the core method of researching, investigating, developing and communicating ideas.

While it is accepted that there are many wondrous types of drawings – and that non-representational drawing methods have an important role in student Art projects – it is usually advantageous to demonstrate competent, realistic observational drawing skills to the examiner (particularly in the early stage of a project).

What follows is a list of tips that have been written specifically for high school art students who are looking to improve the realism of their observational drawings. It is for those who have already selected something appropriate to draw (see this guide for selecting subject matter if you need help with this) and who understand how to compose a drawing well (this will be covered in a subsequent article). Also, don’t forget to See 3 Ways to Get Better Faster Easy Things to Draw

Look at what you are drawing

Failing to look at what you are drawing is one of the most fundamental errors an Art student can make

This sounds obvious, but it is the most common error made by art students. Many students attempt to draw things the way that they think they should look, rather than the way they actually do look.

The only way to record shape, proportion and detail accurately is to look at the source of information. Human memory does not suffice. Forms, shadows and details are hard enough to replicate when they are right there in front of you; if you have to make them up, they appear even less convincing.

In order to produce an outstanding observational drawing, you must observe: your eyes must continually dance from the piece of paper to the object and back again. Not just once or twice, but constantly.

Note: even if you pursue a theme about mythical creatures, fairy tales or some other imaginary form, you should work as much as possible from observation.

Piece your creatures together from fragments of life. Dress people up and then draw them or merge different parts of insects or creatures together (using artistic license as appropriate) rather than creating an entire form or scene from your head.

Draw from real objects whenever possible

The phrase ‘observational drawing’ typically implies drawing from life (see the superb observational drawing exercise set by artist and teacher Julie Douglas). Ask any art teacher and they will list the benefits of drawing from objects that are sitting directly in front of you. You are provided with a wealth of visual information and stuff to draw…changing light conditions; rich textures; views of the subject from alternate angles; as well as information from other sense…smells and noise from the surroundings etc. Transcribing from three-dimensions to two is ultimately much harder than drawing from a photograph, but it often results in drawings that are ‘richer’ and more authentic.

(This doesn’t mean, however, that you should never draw from photographs. Students frequently traipse from home to school and back again: it can be impractical to carry and set up complex still life arrangements over and over again. Some subjects – such as landscapes and nude models – are also unavailable in most classroom settings. It can therefore be good practice to set up a still life arrangement in the flesh (or visit a location) and begin drawing directly from the subject, using photographs to complete the work at home). Also, don’t forget to See 3 Ways to Get Better Faster Easy Things to Draw

Don’t Trace – Find Cool Things to Draw

Throughout history, great realist painters have traced from photographs or worked from projections blown up onto walls. But these painters are not high school art students; nor are they assessed on their ability to replicate form.

There is a place for tracing in IGCSE or A Level Art (such as when tracing over something you have already drawn or creating a repeat pattern), but tracing from photographs and then simply applying color or tone is not acceptable. Such methods of ‘drawing’ involve minimal skill, teach you little and run the risk of producing clunky, soul-less outlines. Don’t do it. Try to push yourself for an achievement of easy things to draw for beginners style of learning.

Understand perspective

As objects get further away they appear smaller. The replication of this change of scale on paper (through the use of vanishing points) is called ‘perspective’. The fundamentals of perspective are usually taught in junior high school; by Year 10 at the latest. If you are a senior art student and have somehow missed this lesson, remedy this situation urgently. There are not many theoretical aspects of art that are essential to learn, but this is one of them.

Use grids, guidelines or rough forms to get the proportions right before you add details

Many students start with a tiny detail (the eye on a face, for example) and then gradually add in the rest of the image…ending up with a drawing that is badly proportioned or doesn’t fit on the page (or floats aimlessly in the middle of it). This can be avoided by approximating the basic forms before adding details or by using guidelines to ensure that proportions are correct.

If working from a photograph, using a grid can result in highly accurate work. It allows students to focus on one small segment of the image at a time and gives arbitrary lines from which distances can be gauged. This can be a helpful strategy when precise, detailed images are required and can itself become a celebrated component in an artwork. As gridding is methodical and involves meticulous plotting of lines, however, it is important to acknowledge that this approach runs the risk of producing tight and regimented drawings that lack in ‘spirit’ and should thus be approached with care.

Be wary of ellipses

Ellipses – the oval shapes that are visible at the top of cylindrical objects such as bottles or jars – frequently ‘trip up’ a weak drawer. They can send an immediate signal that a student is not looking at what they are drawing as in easy things to draw for beginners. All ellipses, no matter what angle they are viewed from, should be rounded (not pointed) at the ends, as illustrated in the image to the left (by Rachel Shirley) and below (sourced from ID sketching). Also, don’t forget to See 3 Ways to Get Better Faster Easy Things to Draw

Conclusion

If you go over and learn all the things on this page, you will be on your way in no time. These were a series of hings I felt were best to start off learning. There is so much more to learn so I recommend you dive into your drawing time hard. Use this site ans its videos as a resource.

#Art Advice #easy things to draw for beginners #Howto &amp; Style

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electricgrasshopper · 7 years ago

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Good morning readers,

If you’ve ever wondered what a ‘diabolic shrimp’ is, you’ve come to the right place! Imagine a James Bondy villain type living in his underwater lair, directing sea creatures with his super-duper-gonna-take-over-the-world-tech; Joshua Grant is the self-proclaimed leader of shrimp – I’m kidding, really (or am I?)

Seriously though, American author Josh has created his website under the name Diabolic Shrimp and with pretty altruistic reasons. He not only wanted to create a platform for writers to support one another, but he is giving 10% of his takings from his latest book to charity; one of which is oceanic research. Not such a diabolic chap at all. I invited Josh to share something of his life and his website with you.

Josh’s iconic shrimp brigade

1. Tell us something about yourself Josh.

I am a caring, compassionate guy with a moderate imagination and a mild case of misadventure. I have a huge passion for science (particularly space exploration) and for making a difference in the lives of kids. My favorite color [sic] is blue, I absolutely hate peanut butter (not allergic, just hate it), and I hope I live to see the day we colonize Mars.

2. Do you ever find yourself ‘flailing through life’?

My walk through life has been a pretty turbulent one (hence the ‘mild case of misadventure’). I’ve suffered some major traumas in life, truly the worst things that anyone should have to go through, but God brought me through it and has allowed me to land on my feet a wiser and better person. I’ve also experienced some crazy things in life like surviving a major flash flood, encountering several bears, facing off with a mountain lion while ghost hunting, and weathering a vicious storm while sailing the ocean. So…maybe flailing?

3. What is Diabolic Shrimp and what are its origins?

Diabolic Shrimp is my author website that’s also designed to support other authors. I personally buy a book each week from the list of authors signed on to Shrimp. I then go on to review that book. I also buy a book each month to give away to readers for free.

I didn’t originally intend Shrimp to be an author support site. Shortly after I published, I realized how difficult it could be for authors to connect with readers, and just how many sites and venues out there took advantage of authors without providing much benefit. It was here that I saw a chance to make a difference for a group of people that needed it. I decided to step forward and create a free space that authors could come to for concrete support. It wasn’t very successful at first (I had 6 members for about half a year) but a belief in helping others and a bit of persistence has allowed us to grow to nearly a thousand members in the past four months. It has honestly been a wonderful experience that has allowed me to meet tons of interesting people and create a truly caring community.

4. Shrimp – why shrimp?!

Haha! It’s kind of an awkward story actually. My site wasn’t originally called Diabolic Shrimp. It had another name for about six hours. I chose that other zany name on a whim. It was only later when I was out with my friends that they told me it sounded kind of dirty. I was moderately mortified, ‘cause I could totally see what they were talking about! I then quickly changed it to Diabolic Shrimp.

It’s actually my little joke. The Diabolic stands for my diabolic plan to eventually get every single author on there and take over the world. The Shrimp is because individually we authors are the little guys, but when we band together we make a pretty impressive swarm. That, and shrimp are fun little creatures.

5. Would you describe yourself as an environmentalist? And do you believe that people like yourself can make a change for the positive in the world?

I’d say I’m an environmentalist to a degree. I believe all people have a responsibility to leave the world better than when they came into it. That applies to everything, environmentally, relationally, or otherwise. I know for certain I can make a positive difference in the world and will continually encourage others to do so.

6. Your latest publication, Pandora, is about a space leisure cruise ship that picks up the apparent survivor of an accident. Would it be right to describe it as sci-fi horror?

I sort of had a hard time classifying Pandora. I wanted to have a new take on the classic ‘ghost ship’ trope, but also capture all the actiony thrill of the 90s horror films I used to watch as a kid, and then couple all that with a deep moral heart. So it’s really more of a Sci-Fi Thriller packed with strange creatures similar to films like Aliens or The Thing, with an emotional twist.

Pandora by Joshua Grant

7. Are there any authors that influence your writing, who are they and why?

Several authors have made a big impact on me over the years. I always have to give a shout out to JRR Tolkien. The Fellowship of the Ring film came out when I was a freshman in high school and I became a huge Lord of the Rings fan. I read all the books (yes, even some of the Middle Earth histories), and that’s what really sparked my writing career. Then Lois Lowry’s works like The Giver and Number the Stars really taught me the power that books have to inspire emotions.

I came upon the Horror genre only a few years ago. S.D. Perry really blew me away with her fast paced, heart pounding novels. I then got onto the Dean Koontz train. Ultimately, I strive to make my writing a blend of these two masters.

8. What genre do you enjoy reading? And do you have a favourite book?

Oddly enough, Young Adult Fantasy is pretty much my favorite thing in the world to read. Basically anything Rick Riordan writes works for me (shout out to The Lightning Thief).

The watery theme continues…

9. You’re a teacher I believe, what subject do you teach and do you ever bring your experience into the classroom or vice-versa?

I used to be an elementary teacher, so I taught all subjects. These days I just guest teach in both elementary and middle school. I also work with middle and high schoolers at church (more on the emotional side of things). I truly love getting to share my experience with the kiddos. It was always a goal of mine to use my writing to inspire the younger generation. I actually struggled with writing growing up so it’s empowering to show kids who also struggle that they can make it. The only downfall is that parents keep showing up and saying ‘hey, I bought your book for my kid!’ I’m always a little mortified when I have to explain that it’s more for adults and watch them give me weird looks! I guess it’s more motivation to finish Silly Tales from Albanon! (AP: You have said it, and now it is public Josh, it’s got to be done!)

10. When working on a book, do you have a special place you like to write, i:e: a garden shed, a room with a view, an underwater lair?!!

Ooo, an underwater lair would be awesome! Oddly enough, my brain only likes to write at the kitchen table. I can’t seem to write anywhere else. Maybe I’m just hungry for more stories? (I know, cringe) (AP: well there goes my image of a watery lair with the high-tech-gadgety-thing going on!!)

11. Who or what has been your biggest influence to date?

I’ve had a few major influences in my life. My parents are the hardest working, kindest people I know. I dedicated my book to them for their endless care and selflessness. The kids I work with always inspire me to be a better, more creative person. God is a huge influence in making me the functional, altruistic person I am today. And on the business front, Elon Musk is a major role model. He likes to help others and is constantly pushing the envelope.

12. If you could tell your 11 year old self anything, what would you say?

I would probably tell myself some lottery numbers. J But aside from that, I’d tell my 11 year old self that he’s a worthwhile, good person with a heart that has more love and endurance in it than even he knows.

13. And finally – if you could be any sea creature, what would you be and why?!

I would be a…drumroll…actually, not a shrimp. They get eaten by literally everything! I’d either be an otter or a squid. Otters are super cute and squid are some of the coolest animals ever. Hmmm, maybe I should have called it Diabolic Otter…

Sea otters take over the world?!

Thanks for the interview Josh, and good luck with your secret-domination-world-takeover, ahem, with your writers site.

You can find Josh at:

https://diabolicshrimp.com/

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6179696.Joshua_Grant

Interview with Joshua Grant – Diabolic Shrimp Good morning readers, If you’ve ever wondered what a ‘diabolic shrimp’ is, you’ve come to the right place!

#Books #Dean Koontz #Diabolic Shrimp #Interview #Joshua Grant #Lois Lowry #Pandora #Rick Riordan #sci-fi #Tolkein #writing #Y.A Fiction

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