#and my assigned person haven't even talk to me that frequent

[botanyshitposts]

Hey! I'm not a botanist, but I'm in circles where it's a bigger thing and I'm kind of curious about something.

So, from an outsider's perspective, the genus Garcinia has a lot of weird and messy classifications. For example, common species like G. intermedia and G. gardneriana are really similar to Garcinia brasiliensis, to the point that it's pretty controversial if they're actually separate species. The Garcinia species colloquially known as "achachairú" also appears to bear a lot of similarities to that trio (although much less than they share with each other), HOWEVER it's almost exclusively referred to (in cultivation and in studies) as G. humilis, a Carribean species with small oval-shaped leaves, despite actually having very long lanceolate leaves and being exclusively found in the Andean foothills of Bolivia. Also, multiple frequently cultivated species like Luc's garcinia and Russell's sweet garcinia haven't actually been described yet, despite for example the former having a decent amount of scientific interest and frequent genetic testing done on it.

All of these odd classification things and even more others have been pretty well known in my circles for the past 15 years-ish, but still nobody seems anywhere close to a conclusion for them. How long does it usually take for a genus to get organized when it has as many species as Garcinia does? And how do they do it? Do they go around testing every single species or only a few at a time? If a species is currently not named, do the same people usually describe them as part this endeavor, or just leave them for somebody else? I saw Plinia and Artocarpus recently got reshuffled a lot because of some prominent genetic studies on them, and several new species and even genera were added, but it just seems alien to me how stuff like that even ends up happening. There are so many plants out there!

Sorry if I'm asking the wrong person here, but I've been wondering about how this stuff will eventually be resolved for yeeeearrs

There are so many plants out there!

ok im kind of surprised i can offer a few possible answers to this question despite having never heard of this but i think i can. if the question is 'why aren't some plants actually described', this is the primary reason why.

when i was in plant anatomy class in college, the person teaching us was a plant anatomist who assigned us different plants from the greenhouse to dissect and describe in a paper for her, and she told us that we might find something that hadn't been described before, which was pretty shocking to me. what do you mean i could potentially find a new-to-science thing? has nobody in history looked at this plant that's just growing in the greenhouse upstairs??

what she said was that no, sometimes not. there are so many plants out there that it's difficult to do one exact in-depth description and published examination of each species, so what botanists end up doing is doing or finding one in-depth examination of one species in a specific group and assuming that all the others in the group are at least similar, if not the same. which is good because it saves time and works as a shorthand, especially if there's not much funding, but also sometimes it has the potential to overlook more nuanced differences that can go undiscovered for a long time. but that's just botanical species in the conventional sense, which i don't think is as straightforward in what you're describing.

another answer to this question that's more specific to the species you're talking about here is that plants are having sex. they have so so so soooo much sex. few things they enjoy more to be honest. and given that the most conventional (but not only) definition for different species is 'can't have sex with other species because it's too different from them', the lines get blurrier to deal with, and one thing botanists do when the lines between species get too blurry (because of all the sex) is to just assume that they're all part of some kind of hard-to-describe genetic soup with individual plants falling along gradients or spectrums of similarities or differences, and in this case you'll see botanists just name the most prominent species among them and call it the '[most common suspect] complex', which groups together all the ones that happen to be having sex with each other at the same time, just to make them easier to talk about. this typically doesn't mean that they're species-less, but more that they can be thought of as a group with a few distinct points where they can look very distinct, and those points are the species, if that makes sense; see the citrus sex graph at the end for an example.

i also see from a cursory google search that people seem to be planting and eating these in a more widespread way, and people are talking about them on forums and stuff. this is one of the cases in botany where things get tricky, because a person looking for traits in a fruit that's having tons of sex might not actually be looking for the same things botanists are looking for when describing a species-- it might seem easiest to just find which species or few species are the tastiest and grow those, but if it's a genetic soup then all you can really do is do it the old fashioned way and breed individual plants for the traits you want. which, who knows, could end up being a hybrid between all of them.

case in point: again i am not completely up to date with the lore here but i found a forum thread where people were debating which species to plant and the consensus was just to plant multiple species at once, which is fine but is also really funny given that it DOES facilitate even more sex, thus blurring the lines even further and-- if the posters decide to plant the resulting seeds from the fruits-- will create even MORE hybrid plants of no discernible concrete species in the plant soup. the hybrid of a hybrid of a hybrid of a hybrid or whatnot. when does one stop calling it a hybrid between two species and start calling it 'the tree in grandma's backyard that's the tastiest of the berries i've tried'? that is the question, truly, one humanity has had for millennia in the search for the tastiest berry, and at that point it might just be easier to call it a variety or cultivar, which are horticultural terms for just that-- a distinct 'kind' among the same species that taste good subjectively and can be reliably rebred and harvested, like all the apple varieties people debate about.

another reason is that plant phylogenies are hard and brain-twisting and plant taxonomists and systemisists are among our strongest warriors. it's not uncommon at all in botany to be researching something and to find out it's been reshuffled because of a new breakthrough on the case a bunch of people more qualified on the subject decided made more sense like a decades later. sometimes species themselves will even change names multiple times if it turns out that it was described earlier by someone else considering the new circumstances. if you're a really unlucky or just controversial plant all this can happen over and over again until, finally, the trees of math have been resolved in a way that makes sense. how long will it take? surely there is a concrete end to the madness? nah. lol

finally, if you're looking into studies on this, you should know that some phylogeny stuff is opinion-based or subjective, especially at first. what counts as a new group for one group of researchers might not count as one for another. so when you see stuff where people are inventing new categorizations or genuses or whatnot or merging multiple ones together spontaneously, it'll depend on how well supported their reasoning is and what the evidence seems to show, and the larger community of plant taxonomists will, overtime, decide what they want to do with that information-- which may include verifying it or refuting it with more evidence. what researchers are proposing when they split stuff off or merge it together is a new or updated model for thinking about existing information, and that model may be more or less useful than the existing one for the means of actually learning more about the plants.

anyway in short there are lots of reasons why this might not be sorted out and the more sex these plants have the longer it's gonna take. i'm strongly reminded of that one citrus sex graph (its this one) (screenshotted to see it on night mode):

[childofthewolvess]

Familiar Spirits in Eclectic Paganism & Witchcraft

Hey, you! Have you ever wondered what familiars are, and if you have one? You've asked the right person—I've been working with animal spirits for as long as I can recall! I recently contracted two wolves that have been spirit guides following me my whole life to be permanent familiars. I've gotten quite a few questions on my experience in spirit work recently and wanted to talk about it.

Before I even start to give a brief background on what familiars are and how to know if you have one, a quick disclaimer:

Familiars are not your spirit animals! Or totems! They are a type of contracted spirit and/or spirit guides.

Spirit animals and/or totem animals are closed to Native American/indigenous practices. A familiar animal spirit or spirit guide is an entirely different concept. Don't get them mixed up! I'm tired of seeing appropriation in animal spirit work with people taking the term "spirit animal" and running. Native spirit animals are an entirely different concept that I, as a white person without an indigenous culture or background, do not have the authority to speak on nor practice.

So, what is a familiar spirit? Are they real animals, are they ghosts, or are they spirit guides?

The answer: a "familiar" can be all three, depending on who you ask! "Familiar" is a very broad term that you can find in many practices and various branches of witchcraft. Some folks have a physical animal companion/pet as their familiar, such as a cat or dog, that they called out for and/or received as a gift. Some people's familiars are the spirit of a past living animal companion/pet that accompanies them in the metaphysical. Some familiars, and this goes for my case, are contracted forms of spirit guides gifted by deities, ancestors, guardians, etc.

In my own definition, I would define a familiar spirit as a spirit bound to a practitioner in a contract. Most of the time, a familiar will take the shape of an animal. However, historically familiar spirits have also been mythical creatures, such as dragons, elves, or fae.

Let's keep in mind that spirits, especially spirit guides assigned to you, will appear to you in the form they choose, so, yes, it is entirely possible you've got a dragon spirit that's reaching out to you. It's also possible for your familiar spirit that was a cat to appear to you as a dog if it decides to change its shape. In my experience, I haven't encountered any mythical creatures, but your familiars are a unique experience to you!

Today, I'll be talking about familiar spirits in particular. I don't have experience on the end of physical familiars, so I'm going to speak about familiars that accompany us in the spiritual, metaphysical, or energetic realm.

What are familiar spirits good for, and why should I want a spirit following me around?

There's quite a few reasons folks work with familiars! For one, their energy is a lot more gentle, louder, and softer (in my experience) than a deity's energy. They are personal to you, are meant to work with you, and can act as a guide that is with you 24/7, whenever you call upon them. They are for you!

Here are a few different reasons I, or other witches, might work with a familiar:

A "alarm system" for spiritual attacks. If someone attempts to harm you or your energy, your familiar will likely be the first to know, and can alert you to it.

Aide and assistance in spells, magic, and divination.

A safe and trustworthy lucid dreaming or astral travel companion. If requested, familiar spirits will happily follow you into your dreams and walk with you when your body is at rest. This was huge for me as someone who suffers from PTSD and has frequent nightmares—after contracting my familiars, I found that going to sleep I felt protected and guarded when I was not awake.

Many familiars can provide wisdom or knowledge from an animal's unique perspective, and can help with advice specific to their species. For example, a cat might help you to understand how important rest and relaxation is, encouraging you to take it slow and let yourself bask in the warmth of the sun.

A comfortable spirit that you can feel and understand that it's there for you—it is with you, all the time, it understands every aspect of your life and soul, and may be a comfort entity. Mine certainly show up when I need to feel better or overwhelmed.

Clear communication from the spiritual realm—I've found that familiars are very quick and concise when communicating, making them excellent messengers for deities or ancestors. Sometimes mine deliver messages from my God Squad.

This is not an all-comprehensive list, and I have many of my own interpersonal reasons for working with familiar spirits. The point is: they can help in a ton of different ways as a safe and trustworthy spirit.

Well, that's cool! How do I know if there's a familiar spirit reaching out to me?

Everyone is going to have a different experience in this front. Here are some signs to look out for if you're feeling an animal or creature's presence and sensing a spirit around you that may be interested in becoming your familiar:

You are repeatedly dreaming about the same animal(s), or seeing them in the astral.

You are drawn or interested to a specific species of animal (a lot of times, look back at your childhood; that imaginary friend may have been a spirit guide!)

You repeatedly see signs of this animal surrounding you, such as repeated imagery of a crow, or people just can't stop mentioning bears around you and you can't figure out why.

Your deities or spirit team have communicated to you that they have sent you a spirit, or that there is one in your presence.

The spirit feels playful, wild, or behaves like an animal does in comparison to a spirit that might carry energies of a deity or any other supernatural spirits.

The spirit is not causing you harm or distress. If you are being caused distress by a spirit, it's absolutely not a familiar, as they are sent to aide you and become a companion, and you might need to Banish The Thing That's Causing You Stress because it's not a familiar spirit!

You vet the spirit and its communication may seem more primal or animalistic.

The spirit feels smaller (or larger) than a deity or other entity's presence, and more concise to its shape. I found that my familiars feel much more compact and true-to-side with their energies when they are around me compared to the ambiguity with my deities.

Once again, many of these are unique to my experience, and with this topic, you'll find that many people have so many different stories as to how they got their familiar. The important part is to vet your spirit, make sure that they are a creature trying to reach out, and find out who or what sent them to you. Trust me, you don't want an unwelcome spirit following you around. Always confirm with divination, with your God Squad or spiritual team, that this is an animal spirit reaching out to you.

Okay, that's awesome. I know and got confirmation that there's a familiar spirit reaching out! What are my next steps?

PAUSE! Before you contract or bind yourself to any spirit, you need to spend time with it and get used to it to make sure you for sure want this presence in your life consistently. Contracting/binding is non-reversible and permanent. It is a big decision, and you need to be super prepared and confident in making that decision.

You may choose to do a meditation to reach out to this spirit. Ask it what it looks like, its name, how it feels, etc., to get a full feel of its energy. You may do a tarot/oracle reading with the spirit. You may ask another witch to confirm that it is a familiar spirit and what messages it has for you. You may walk with your deities to meet the spirit. You may also choose to work with the spirit for a bit before fully contracting it to become a spirit if you are hesitant or new to spirit work.

I worked with mine as spirit guides for, well, 15+ years through the course of my life before I contracted them. It'll take patience, and it's a big decision to contract a spirit. Familiarize yourself (pun intended) with its energy, advice, knowledge, and how it interacts with your practice and through your daily life.

Is the spirit too overbearing or strong? Is it overwhelming? Is it an energy you wouldn't want surrounding you constantly? You may not want to contract a spirit of this manner. Tread carefully, and be aware of what you are binding yourself to. You can always peacefully depart with any familiar spirit who you choose not to work with if the "trial period" doesn't feel right—they won't take it personally, I promise! I've actually worked with quite a few animal spirits who were first spirit guides that had the potential to become a familiar, and did not end up contracting them as I found that they were simply not totally aligned with my life's overall path.

I've worked with the familiar spirit, gotten my confirmation, and know that this is a spirit I want to contract. How do I do that?

First of all, congratulations! That's a big deal. You've put in the work, and now you're ready for the next step. What's a contract and how do you do that?

Well, it's exactly what it sounds like. You can write or speak the contract when in contact with your familiar spirit and have their presence with you. Contracts are two-way, so you need to be able to allow the spirit to communicate their own boundaries and ensure they agree to the terms. Here are some things you may or may not want to include in your contract:

Your boundaries. How often do you want to feel your familiar's presence? How are you going to communicate if you need space from the spirit? What does that look like? Do you want the spirit to be able to walk into your dreams without permission?

The familiar's boundaries. Does this spirit want to be with you constantly, or do they need time for themselves where you may not be able to reach them all the time? How would they like to be addressed or treated?

The things you would like your familiar to help you with. Do you want them to assist you during spells with their energy? What about walk with you in your dreams?

How much the familiar wants you to talk about them. Some familiars are very quiet and like to keep their experience personal to their person, while others are perfectly fine with the witch talking about them. Mine are!

How you can give back to your spirit. This is a two-way contract, and even though your spirit is there for you, it's always kind to consider what the spirit may want as well. Would it like an altar or sacred space? Does it want you to talk about it? Perhaps it wants you to research and learn about its species to help preserve or safe its kindred souls!

What an alert from a familiar looks like. Coming from someone with a service dog, you should want to know what it looks like when your familiar is reaching out to you! If you want to be alerted of spiritual attacks, how should your familiar notify you of that?

Restrictions to the contract/binding. Maybe you don't want it to be entirely permanent—maybe you only would like to work with this spirit for a set amount of time, or vice versa.

Come up with your own rules! Write, revise, and write again. Edit your contract until it feels right between you and your familiar(s). When you are both ready, you can agree to the contract. With mine, I signed a physical letter that I wrote to my familiars, and let them channel through me to speak on their own behalf. How you do this is unique to you!

My familiar wolf spirits and our story.

Who the heck am I to speak, right? Figured I'd share a little bit of my experience with my familiars.

I've been working with my now-familiars for as long as I can remember, upwards of 15+ years. I first saw them when I was around 1st or 2nd grade, and I definitively remember seeing a black wolf curled up underneath my desk as a kid. I would walk with these spirits throughout my childhood in my dreams, or the space between awake and asleep. I would speak with them, see them when I closed my eyes, and when I was very young, saw them when my eyes were open as energies. Consistently, I was followed by a male black wolf and a female lighter gray wolf. They happily guided me through my childhood and sparked a great passion in me over wolves.

When I grew older and lost my ability to see these spirits right before my eyes, I decided that they were imaginary friends, as I'm sure most of us had when we were kids. I would talk to my friends, my parents, my brother, everyone I knew about these two wolves. Everyone thought it was adorable; me with my little imaginative mind, and imaginary friends.

When I was a teenager, I was reintroduced to these two wolves in a meditation to reach out to my spirit guides. The black wolf began to walk with me as a spirit guide and the lead of my spiritual team before I began deity worship and work. He would be my guiding light as I explored my craft and paganism. Later on, his white wolf mate would reappear to me in the same form. And then there were two!

I later learned after working with deities, especially with Loki, that the black wolf was a spirit companion sent by my ancestors. He (the black wolf) has walked alongside me for many lives. Once upon a time, he was alive, originally domesticated in ancient Scandinavia by his original person, one of my ancestors. His spirit followed my own through many cycles of death and rebirth after becoming domesticated. His mate, the white wolf, followed him into astral, and in this life, my deities allowed her to become one of my guides. I worked with these two wolves for a large amount of time as spirit guides before finally doing the research and deciding to contract them, as suggested by Loki.

I contracted my two familiars for life recently. My practice with them looks like feeling their presences, walking with them in my dreams (I like to call it "wolfwalking" lol), inviting their presence to my rituals, and pretty much incorporating them into every part of my practice. They are always with me, following me into my rest each and every night. I am constantly working with these two spirits and have dedicated myself and my work to them. They are, simply put, my companions for life!

In return, I have dedicated myself to spreading awareness of the wolf. I am a professional naturalist and author, and every day I speak about protecting the species and their life histories. I am writing my thesis over wolf reintroductions. They are the key to my passion and heart!

If you made it this far, thank you for reading! This is my experience and advice, so questions, comments, or additions are always welcome.

If you thought this was super useful and would like to give thanks for the 3 hours I spent writing and revising this post, I have a Ko-Fi for tips! I also do accept requests in my inbox for topics on familiars, including interpretation and communicating messages from your familiar spirits.

Thanks friends! <3

[aibouart]

admittedly, i am afraid to talk about this, but have wanted to for a long while. i don't see a lot of people discuss this kind of thing, but i decided to do so for the me who was struggling and didn't know. also i have no idea where i am going with this and it's very late for me rn so here's a whole ass ramble on vent art. and also a bit more on how it's impacting how i view my art, now. i am terribly sorry if it's not very cohesive, my thoughts on it aren't yet cohesive either WOOPS

i wanted to talk a bit about how vent art really impacted my mental health, and how the idea that art needs some kind of meaning to have meaning really has been weighing on me lately (i know this is a concept i am assigning to my work and is not actually the norm/standard expectation of others consuming art. but it IS a sentiment i have seen enough that does impact me).

i want to specify, obviously i am not saying vent art is bad.

nor that doing vent pieces, or vent blogs, will ultimately result in what i went through for a number of years. rather, that this did happen to me, and there is a near impossible chance i am a unique case in any experience i will ever have. if you do vent art and it helps you, that's good! im not judging anyone for anything here. if your experience does not match my own, that's what it's like to be human~. i am not invalidating anyone on purpose by sharing my own experience. sorry for the insane disclaimer but it will eat me alive if i go to sleep thinking "what if they think x cuz i didn't say y and think im a terrible person"

---

i used to do vent art frequently (you won't find much on here as it was uploaded to a personal at the time). anytime i felt down or had a line of dialogue in my head making me feel bad in a way, i would draw for it. but the way i had interacted with it was really unhealthy. it became a terrible feedback loop where i'd feel bad, draw how i felt bad, look at the art, and ruminate even more on how i felt bad, until it spiralled so out of control i would lose touch with reality and get lost entirely in feeling like garbage.

i would just get so lost in the cycle with vent art that it would make my mental space worse and worse, and i would use the vent art as a negative confirmation bias. the words that hurt me i wrote down and anytime i looked again, they would hurt me again. but i would keep looking, and i would keep drawing.

i have always used art as an outlet, but for some reason the way vent art impacted me was unhealthy. it wasn't a good outlet. and it took me years to cut ties with it. i relied on vent art for a long time, but it took a lot of introspection and thinking to realise it wasn't the release i thought it was. and it was hard to let go, too.

i haven't touched the blog in a few months, now. i haven't done much vent art at all since then and genuinely, i've been doing SOOO much better. i no longer ruminate nearly as much as i had done so, i no longer get caught in a feedback loop that lasts for days to weeks. i still feel like garbage like people tend to do, but i don't put myself in a cycle over it anymore. i have gone back to it a few times in moments of desperation, but what used to be every week/every few weeks is now once a month maybe. and not to the extent at all (i would oftentimes post ~20 images in one night, before).

but i keep thinking about how, while the way i had done vent art was bad for my mental health, i keep feeling that just because i do sparkly cute and happy drawings, now, or drawings with no real meaning, that my art has nothing beyond face value... i do like a lot of my vent art. i think their compositions, or hidden messages and meanings, or colour use, was interesting.

but it wasn't worth the price for me.

so i am a bit caught in an in-between, here. my favourite form of art is the expression of love-you liked something so much, you dedicated time to draw it. and yet i cannot ascribe that to my own work very often. i think that man i wish i could make art with some kind of deeper meaning, that speaks to people, that's more than just pretty colours or shiny shading or a character everyone likes, or a character i like. but i just... don't know if it's for me.

ultimately, i could develop a healthy relationship with expressing and exploring negative emotions or experiences through art, but... do i want to? do i have to? do i need to? is it not enough to just draw something because... i like it..?

of course, the answer is yes, draw what you want, draw how you want, it's your art. but i am still trying to come to terms with that idea. i dont want to be seen as some shallow artist who just draws what's cute and pretty because they can and it's all they can think of, but like what if that's just what i like to draw??

in the end, that alone is good enough, drawing because you like to, because it's fun, because you like the thing you're dedicating time to creating for. it's just hard to grapple with after discarding a type of art that i felt was the only way i drew "for real".

anyways i am sorry this is soooo fucking long, and for all the clarifications (IM STILL NOT SAYING VENT ART BAD AND EVERYONE WILL DO WHAT I DID!! Dx) and the fact i had no real point here (probably)

anyways i will continue to draw what i want because i like to, as i have always been.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for taking everything I can from a former friend?

I 20 met this guy J 24M last year through a mutual friend, and since we happened to live in the same neighborhood we hung out more. For context, during this entire time I am/was also supporting an unrelated person financially, so I need every penny and have way less than J.

J has borderline personality disorder and does not go to therapy. I don't want to vilify anyone in the same situation, I'm just bringing it up because J's bps deeply impacts every aspect of his life.

He'd been going through some tough times, with his love life going to shit, cutting off his toxic family and having to find his own apartment etc, so I helped him often.

Since neither of us have much, we shared stuff regularly, e.g. he'd buy me food sometimes and I gave J my skateboard, among other things. I painted his walls & decorated, because I have the skill necessary and he doesn't. I went out to look at furniture with him. I asked my parents to give him furniture they were selling (he got it free). I frequently went to his place in the middle of the night, whether he had splitting migraines or thought someone had tried to break in. I helped him organize a Christmas party, even though he cancelled it because he got angry at someone or something. I cooked for him a few times (he doesn't cook). I let him use my washing machine after he moved into his new apartment without one, even though he owned a cat so all his clothes were covered in cat hair and I have a severe cat allergy, meaning I couldn't do my laundry normally & sometimes it came out with cat hair no matter how hard I tried (this lasted 8 months and would have gone on indefinitely if not for following events). Btw I did all of this without asking for anything in return.

Earlier this year, because of his ridiculously high expectations, he dumped his best friend at the time (the mutual friend), and assigned me his new best friend. After a few months, they became friends again anyway but I kept the "best friend" title.

In July, he hurt his dominant hand during an angry outburst. I was there when it happened but he seemed fine at the time. When he came to do his laundry the next day, Sunday, he told me that his hand was sprained and we talked about how he'd need to see the doctor the next day. He agreed to go. He promised to go to the doctor.

I know he's not good with going to doctors, especially on his own. So I texted him the next day and asked if he'd already gone. He responded "Nope, don't feel like", and upon asking why, he said that "it'll heal on its own anyway". Which to me read as 'I don't care.'

This pissed me off. I blocked him. I planned to unblock him once I'd calmed down, probably in a few days. I was really upset about this because it happens regularly. Him not going to the doctor when he should is a pattern, a bad pattern. He's gotten me sick that way.

The next day he texted my partner, asking if I was okay. They explained that i was upset at him for telling me he'd go to the doctor but then not going. He blew up at them that it was none of my business anyway whether or not he went to the doctor. Whined about his medical anxiety (which is valid but wasn't the point). Said that the sprain was healing so he didn't have to go. They argued for a while until my partner got tired and stopped responding.

Apparently I am now no longer his friend. He asked our mutual friend to tell me to pick up my stuff. I'm busy these days, so I haven't done it yet.

When I pick up my stuff, it's gonna be a whole list of things: a seat/cushion, a stovetop, 75€ worth of comics, a measuring tape, the skateboard, a box. I'll also bring him laundry detergents that are laying around at my place still.

Now WIBTA if I ask him to also give me pain medication to replace all the meds I gave him and money for the furniture I got him for free at the time (I'll ask 40€ even though they're worth more)?

What are these acronyms?

[kitashousewife]

worth celebrating

an: clearly this is inspired by my life so enjoy my self indulgence

pairing: timeskip!osamu x fem!reader

warnings: food/eating mentions, alcohol mentions, melodramatic angst but v v v fluffy

wc: 2.1k

-

submitted! final.doc at 6:58 pm

you blink. once. three times. that's it.

the feeling hits you slowly, then all at once. after some long years, your degree is finally complete. no more assignments, no more late-night studying sessions, no more exams, readings, or papers. it's overwhelming, really. you message everyone close to you with the news, basking in the warm wishes you recieve.

an emptiness sinks in soon after.

eyes trained on the now dimming computer screen, you begin to feel a little upset. everything you've worked so hard for, over in an instant. you're proud, so proud of what you've accomplished. but what now? newfound anxiety of the unknown settles over you, sinking into your bones. the weight of it all keeps you in your seat.

thankfully, a text from a friend pulls you out of your slight despair.

you should celebrate!!

you sigh, warm palms rubbing over your very tired eyes. you should celebrate, but how? it's past 7 pm at this point, all of your friends are preparing or taking their finals, and you're sure that you couldn't arrange something with this short of notice.

but, with that newfound anxiety comes newfound freedom. every second of free time is now yours. you have all the time in the world right now, no pesky deadlines can get in the way of that.

leaning into this new phase of life, you get yourself up and around. changing your clothes, grabbing what you need, and heading out the door. the fresh air feels incredible and new. it's almost as if each step releases some of the fear of the unknown, shaking off of your body.

"welcome to onigiri miya! sit wherever you'd like!"

the very familiar greeting is just what you need right now. your newly discovered favorite place to eat, with food you can guarantee is good, and service that's even better. thankfully, everyone must still be working on finals and such because you are the only person in the place.

that means you get a bar seat, right in front of the biggest reason you frequent this small restaurant.

"it's good to see ya! did ya need a menu?" osamu flips a small towel over his shoulder before reaching a tentative hand towards his menus. he's as handsome as ever. strong arms wrapped snugly in his plain black shirt, his onigiri miya cap snuggly on his head, and very trim torso wrapped in a well-worn black apron.

"yeah, i'll take one. might try something new," you half-joke, sipping at the water osamu gave you seconds earlier. he places the menu in front of you with a couple taps before turning around once more.

"i'll be ready for ya whenever yer ready, darlin'," his very harmless pet-name affects you, even though he's called you that many times before. settling your racing heart rate, you nod and scan over the menu.

"has it been like this all day?" you try and start a conversation, hoping the lack of customers gives you the chance to talk to osamu. the past few times you've been here, you haven't gotten more than a few words from your new friend across the bar.

"this entire week, really. i think finals are scarin' everyone off. i don't mind, though. gives me time to mess around in the kitchen." he turns around again, giving you a relaxed smile. you think that you prefer him like this. all to yourself, that is.

he feels the same. he was actually hoping he would see you this week. he knows that you're in school and must live close since you always come in on foot. he knows that you prefer your edamame to be served while you look over the menu, and that you would rather have flat water over sparkling. it may seem like a lot, but not to osamu. he wants to know more.

"have ya decided?"

you hum, giving him your order in a way that almost seems memorized. that makes him chuckle. every time you're in, you ask for a menu, only to order the exact same thing.

things are quiet for a few minutes, only the clicking of bowls and the beep from the rice cookers fill the air. your edamame shells are discarded before you know it, and your full attention is on osamu as he does what he does best.

his forearms flex with each press of the rice in his hands, fingers bending to make the perfect shape. his eyebrows pinch together in focus, as if each onigiri he forms isn't perfect every time.

"seen any good movies lately?"

you snort. "not really, i haven't had as much as a few minutes of spare time the past few weeks, which sucks."

"sounds like it. a hardworkin' gal like yerself needs to have a break once in a while, ya know. it's good for yer health, after all." he winks at you before scooping fillings, and your mouth goes dry. desperately reaching for your water, you take a couple sips before regaining composure.

"what about you, osamu? seen anything good lately yourself?"

he plates the first couple onigiri before shaking his head. his forearm reaches up to fix his cap on his hand again, gloved fingers relaxed and avoiding contact.

"nah, i've been seein' my friends and family lately. it's been fun," he chuckles. grabbing another ball of rice. "if they come in while yer here sometime, i'll be sure to introduce ya."

you smile. it's warmth settles into osamu, and he just wants to be close to you. wants to pull you in, spoil you and earn smiles like that every day.

"i'd like that. you have a twin, right?"

he rolls his eyes. something inside of him feels almost competitive, slightly worried that if he points him out in a photo or even tells you a bit about him, you won't want to talk to him anymore, pushing him aside like many have before. he thinks for a moment about saying something bad, telling you some of atsumu's flaws to keep you away. but he won't.

"i do," he starts, nodding slowly before platting two more rice balls and reaching over the bar to place them in front of you. he sighs. "he's right there actually, in that photo. i'm on the left. his name is atsumu." it's a rather simple photo, but it sits right in the middle of the photo collage near the register. it was taken on a trip the two of them took a few months back, posing in front of a statue they both thought was rather funny.

he braces for impact, waits for the he's so handsome and isn't he on that pro team? but it doesn't come.

"what does he do? does he work here with you?" you cover your mouth as you ask, swallowing the first bite of your dinner with a delighted hum. "this is perfect, by the way."

he chuckles. "he's actually a volleyball player, he plays professionally. that photo above it is us after one of his games," you glance over and nod, recognizing his twin almost immediately from images from social media. "and, i'm glad ya like it. anything for my favorite customer."

that last part slipped out. one of those moments where your thoughts are verbalized. he acts natural though, hoping you don't notice the surprised look on his face.

you don't but you can't stop thinking about what he said. you really hope he means it, though.

"are you guys close?"

"yeah, unfortunately," he derides, a chuckle following soon after. "he's my best friend. and these guys," he points to a photo near the bottom of the wall of atsumu, osamu, kita, and aran, laughing and posing next to an MSBY promotional poster. "these are my best friends. i actually buy my rice from the one in the middle, fun fact."

"that's so cool! i hope i get to meet them someday."

his chest warms at that. he feels a little more confident and less worried that you'll pass him over for his dumb brother. he clears his throat before tossing his gloves in the trash.

"i forgot to ask ya earlier; what brings ya in tonight?"

you laugh. "im celebrating, actually."

"oh, yeah?" he looks at you over his shoulder while he washes his hands. when he turns around, he's drying them off on the towel that was once on his shoulder. "what's the occasion?"

you feel shy, all of a sudden. your chapsticks tap at a loose piece of rice before you answer.

"i actually completed my degree tonight. i won't graduate unti-"

"are ya serious?" he exclaims, a wide smile covering his face. "that's amazing! that's cause for celebration, for sure! oh my gosh, do ya feel great or what?"

you laugh, a little surprised. you've talked about your studies with osamu before, but never how close you were to being finished. you feel warm, almost giddy at the excitement he's sharing with you.

"yeah, i do! it's a little weird, i don't think it's set in yet to be honest, bu-where are you going?" you give him a confused look when he starts to walk away without a word.

"i'll be right back! just wait there," he calls behind the swinging doors, and you sit up to try and catch a peak through the windows of the door. you see him walk back and forth and hear the clanging of glass before he busts through the doors once more.

"okay, continue, i'm listenin'!" his back is turned to you, but it almost sounds like he's popped a bottle of some kind.

"u-um, i was saying that i'm sure the feeling will set in soon, but i'll give it a few days," you shake your head, the excitement you felt once hitting submit hours earlier fills your senses once more. "wait, is that champagne?"

osamu walks around the bar to where you're sitting and sets down two flutes in front of you before joining you at the bar.

"yeah! i keep a few bottles on hand just in case someone is in celebratin' something. engagements, weddings, finishing college," he gives you a smirk and you could melt. now with him up close you can really take in how stunning he is. dark grey eyes with thick lashes, grey hair peaking out from his cap that looks so soft, you want to reach out and feel it between your fingertips. his soft, full lips are turned up on one side, and the faintest dimple rests in his cheek.

"see somethin' ya like?"

you sit up in your seat, before looking up at him with wide eyes.

"how about a toast?" he continues, raising his flute with his right hand. "to finishing something hard, and celebrating with the best company in the entire world." you laugh at him before clinking your glass against his.

you take a sip, swallowing with a sigh. not only is this some of the best champagne you've ever had, but you're feeling on top of the world right now.

"thank you osamu. this is really special. i don't even know how to thank you," you look up at him with a shy smile, fingers wrapped around the class. osamu's eyes watch the bubbles rise to the surface before meeting your gaze.

"don't mention it. you deserve it, i mean that. you've worked really hard and you deserve a little fun."

you take another sip before nodding.

"you're right. but i still owe you."

osamu feels a little dizzy, and it's not the champagne. it's the smell of cinnamon that's been filling his senses ever since he sat down, the sound of your laugh and the warmth of your voice is making every part of him focus on you.

"a date," he looks up at you with a grin before wiggling his eyebrows. "i'll take ya wherever ya want. i know a few good spots. whaddya say, miss graduate?"

you set your champagne down, worried the alcohol is already getting to your head. when you look up and see osamu, looking at you with hopeful eyes and taking a sip of his own, you nod.

"i'd love to."

osamu beams, tongue in cheek before standing up to clear your plate before you. the two of you turn when the chimes on the front door ring, a young couple walking in.

"welcome to onigiri miya," he calls before walking to his previous spot behind the bar.

"i'll get ya at 7 tomorrow, how does that sound? i know you've got a lot of free time now."

your heart skips a beat before you nod your head.

"can't wait."

[zahri-melitor]

Batmen Eternal:

Oh TYNION. (Posits a future Tim at university with Sebastian Ives and Simon Valentine)

Simon Valentine. SIMON VALENTINE. You magnificent bastard sneaking even more Tim & Kon (and Tim/Kon) in here as best you can while Kon still does not, in fact, exist right now.

I also feel I haven't talked about Ulysses Hadrian Armstrong enough in my reviews of this run, and that's partly because the General is not exactly my favourite character, but it is interesting in how he's been twisted to be a Bat superfan in the most creepy manner, in regards to their quasi-paramilitary traits, which does fit in with Ulysses being Ulysses. Also his obsession with Tim, and his lovely little personal cave there full of idolisation of the exact wrong sort of military dictator generals. Ulysses finally getting his General haircut back (with the stars even growing in between issues, which is the funniest shit ever. Tim hallucinating them, Ulysses deciding he needs them in his program?)

I do like that we finally start to get a bit of Tim and Cass's late preboot dynamic returning between them. It's not 2011 level, but definitely is at least 2005ish in terms of the trust they start displaying in each other.

Steph and Cass finally getting more of their own revelations about preboot timelines is of course satisfying, if a little sad in terms of them both being like "they let me be part of the club??" That bit feels a bit more like Doylist commentary aimed at discussions of who counts as 'family' more than what's actually been portrayed on page through this entire run (which is Cass in particular actually inhabiting a LOT of the same spaces she lived in during the 2000s, including having space at the Manor nobody questioned).

And of course we finally get the OMAC payoff that's been teased all this run, because of the themes of control tied up in it via Brother Eye and its previous incarnations. I am enjoying it, if only in a slightly exasperated way, because what is happening here makes a great deal more sense if you're across what goes on with OMACs around Infinite Crisis, and the statements this is making about what Future Tim has done (that is, leant into Bruce's worst paranoia and picked up one of his old projects and modified it), rather than how I think this reads to newbie readers, which is at best "Tim learnt about protocols from Bruce". Because no! This is ongoing commentary on the "do we trust Bruce with protocols" discussion all the way back to Tower of Babel, at least, and Tim's altering position on them over time and what he will and will not do about this.

I like it! But I like it in context, and I worry it loses a lot of meaning when read by an audience who doesn't see Brother Eye show up and go "oh of fucking course, Bruce". This is supposed to get you mad at BRUCE. Even the reveal that Bruce was of course involved doesn't get across enough "BRUCE PLEASE STOP TRYING TO CONTROL EVERYTHING" (he will not).

(This is also to say this thread continues on and gets picked up in the Failsafe arc, which is "hey look Bruce's paranoia's back again, time for a new variation!")

I like where this finished, in terms of setting up potential future storylines of characters to spin out: Luke back out of costume for a while (typical, he does that frequently); Jean-Paul off to Justice League Odyssey; Kate offscreen for another Religion of Crime storyline/the end of her present Batwoman run; Cass set up to have her background with Babs re-established; Tim and Steph heading off to the starting point of Young Justice 2019; Clayface to ???? with Dr Victoria October (presumably to transition back to villain off panel for next time someone uses him). They're nice clear hooks and I enjoyed that it was done.

Was this a perfect run? No. But in terms of getting the characters assigned to it back on track in terms of characterisation and resupplying them with as much of their preboot characterisation as possible? It was incredibly successful. Definitely the best Bat title of the first 2 years of Rebirth (followed by All Star Batman).

[divinekangaroo]

Was thinking a bit deeper on @deadendtracks query https://www.tumblr.com/divinekangaroo/740003125539307520/i-clipped-this-from-your-post-because-its-easier?source=share

Snipped for sex talk, and also to spare any disinterested parties my naiveity on complex matters such as: subaltern/Orientalism/exoticism/Othering/ethnic talk etc

In hindsight I think I answered that query as a ‘possible authorial intent’ - speculatively, to subvert the usual gangster trope by displaying macho-ish behaviours (sex! whores!) but flipping motivation and outcome.

But there's also something else that's been churning away at the back of my head, the term subaltern. "the most powerless people living within the socio-economic confines of imperialism" -- and this imperialist overlay that often assigns the devious, deviant, dark, scheming/conniving/machavellian/feminine characteristics to the subaltern man, too, because it is exotic.

I haven't properly structured an argument around this; I feel a lot of T's approach to sex has that almost woman-coded thing to it, as signifiers of an even-further-disadvantaged man. It nags at me and feels that this also ties into this subaltern, semi-'Orientalist' / exotic layer he has as 'lower than the lowest class' / 'actually so low class he's outside of class' Romani character -> less of a stereotype, more of a conscious consideration of "if you have nothing, you will use everything you can, and sometimes that includes your own body, and guess what here's the bind: that kinda puts you even *lower* in the hierarchy, because women are lower than men and only women use their bodies that way!"

Gut instinct, barely unpacked: there's an imperialist/cultural/ethnic trauma that feels like it can't be detached from Tommy's sexuality/approach to sex any more than the hints of childhood trauma or abuse can be, either. Especially when you consider childhood as his closest time still connected to the living Romani culture, as opposed to by the time we see him on screen when his interactions with his culture are static and based on childhood/broken memories. I was initially put off by the Romani layer because it felt like a stereotype - gangs followed ethnic lines so let's just apply an ethnicity that's ~exotic~ - but the later series re-frame the earlier approach into something that shows it was almost never intended to be a representation of the culture but rather, more like Tommy's particular (distorted, damaged) view.

----

But then also answering the personal side of the question RE: Tommy's character. What does it mean for a person/individual to be so transactional and detached from sex yet participatory towards it?

This gets a little more headcanon-y:

T started having sex or being sexualised (seeing/experiencing sex) really young in a less than affectionate way - more like, here is a thing that must be done for some other action to happen (or be diverted).

Because of this, I can’t ever see him permitting himself to perform that ‘hungry to totally surrender his control and desires to someone else’ role so frequently given to him in fanon. What happened with Tatiana was an exception, not a rule. It’s nice to read for various reasons, but I'm unlikely to personally lean into this take. Not to say he's dominating or must be fully in control during sex, either, just that I think he'd avoid leaning into surrender because it'd be like losing total control of a transaction and becoming far too vulnerable.

Despite that I do feel he has an urge for connection/intimacy, I think he struggles with actually connecting deeply with people, reading sexual cues/flirtation or the like. In some ways, he connects too deeply and therefore holds back? I did have thoughts along the asexual line. He likes certain people, and he mostly enjoys the physical act of sex, and these two things can overlap to ‘I would like sex with this certain person’, but there’s a big gap between the two. Deep connection is unrelated to sex. Can't read flirt cues to the point he leapfrogs straight to the 'do you want to fuck?' almost as an abstraction because he can never decode the in-between steps?

Notwithstanding any deep connection, sex is still considered/framed as duty and obligation. His approach with Lizzie in S6 as case in point; he is conscious of his role and considers it a thing that must be performed to satisfy that role. Even S5, it feels like a 'seal the deal' sex exchange; he knows she likes it, she just told him so and that it's important to her, so all right, he's going to let loose.

This difficulty with 'is this connection? not sure?' is one reason why I think he is mostly about family (he can take connection for granted and has had a really really long time to build it). He also has a surprisingly large *respectful* but superficial network (he knows the right behaviours but rarely gets personal), very few close friends (honestly is this just Alfie? Maybe, once, Freddie and Barney? even Johnny Dogs and Uncle Charlie are subordinate). Which lends itself very effectively to leadership, to be honest, but also loneliness: again it feels like he's performing connection.

I really struggle with picturing him feeling much physical attraction without consciously focusing on it. He seems to spark for people (or maybe situations/dynamics - classy women?) not their physical, and when I’m in headcanon mode, it’s familiarity that builds his fondness for certain aspects of a person's physicality, rather than their physicality attracting him initially. So either he wants sex (release) and it's not really relevant who with, or he wants the person and sex is acceptable/better with that person. And there's a conscious switch in his head like, "ok now paying attention to physical attraction because must have sex" or "switch it off not important right now"

[the-dance-of-italy]

hey- it's the same anon who sent that long ask about the chosen lol. the boycott the chosen account does not have their asks on so i'm like.. hoping they see this

i don't personally know about contacting the cast members. i personally think we would gain much more traction on instagram because a majority of the fanbase is active there & they post there very frequently and primarily. all the posts they posted supporting israel were on instagram. i thought once the cause gets enough traction it might pressure the actors involved that i named, i hadn't thought about contacting them directly and i don't really know if that'll work, thoughts on that??

i did mention shaan sharma particularly because he's on sag-aftra board of directors and i haven't seen anyone else talk about how sag-aftra is supporting israel too. since he's involved there we could get a lot more attention directing attention to how sag aftra's pro-israel. and like, mention shaan sharma on the list of people remaining silent, and how he's in the chosen too

the thing is, it's my personal opinion that it might actually be worth switching to insta entirely? i said before in the other ask that i was just going to make my own account but i don't have the time or energy to fully run it; i also don't really know how i'd do it. the tumblr fandom for the chosen is very minimal, and stuff that happens on tumblr tends to be really contained. i don't know how many people there are on twitter though. like i strongly recommend that we shift our focus to insta, make like actual posts with the chosen's tags because the insta algorithm is pretty good with showing tagged stuff like that. remember the pride flag controversy? almost all of that was within instagram and it was enough to get that video response out of multiple cast members

also, i could make some infographics if needed/requested. i do realize anyone could theoretically because it's not too hard to design but right now im offering to make infographics for instagram or possibly twitter (i don't know how it works there haha)

i just personally think right now that it's unlikely for that entire cast & crew, every single person, to support israel wholeheartedly alongside dallas jenkins. (especially luke dimyan; he's vocal about arab and yeah, he could support israel too, but still) if there's enough conversation & backlash on the internet, it could be enough to motivate/provoke some of them to speak up. it's also optimal timing tbh because season 4's released in theatres next month, this is the first time they're making money off their episodes, and if enough people cancel tickets it might do something. although im honestly pessimistic that we'll gain enough traction in time for that or that enough people would even care. but still its worth trying i think!!

man i realized this was long and i'm sorry haha, so basically tl;dr i could help with infographics if needed. and i think we should really prioritize spreading posts on instagram.

Seeing as things are going, i too agree that containing ourselves to just tumblr and twitter is limiting us. It may be too late to prevent Season 4, but there's still time for the future seasons, and the less support they have for the last seasons the better.

I can work on the IG account myself ,im always on my phone anyway. Its still the second week and they havent given me any heavy assignments yet haha. If its not too much trouble, i would accept if you (or anyone who see's and wants to do it) could make the infographics / or any other graphics for the account. I would, but my other laptop broke down and the one im usin doesn't have Adobe installed yet 😅.

[ofthoughtsandmemories]

man. I'm not sure if keeping this blog alive is a good thing, but right now I don't see the harm in posting.

My life fell apart. It sounds dramatic when I type it out, but I can't deny that it's true. I am only a few assignments away from getting my Masters, but that's on hold for... well, I don't know. As long as it takes to get better, I guess.

At first, I didn't know what was wrong with me. I spiraled and spiraled. I was certain I wouldn't survive. And I wouldn't have if I didn't have such wonderful friends and a medical support system.

I spent several months digging my own grave and 3 months lying in it. That's what my therapist now says, and I can't help but agree with her. My dad came and saved me. I left Omaha behind for Appalachia. It was, and is, a bittersweet transition. More bitter than sweet, but it gets easier to swallow every day. I miss my friends in Omaha so much. They promised we'd keep in touch and that we could still be friends, but I have more experience in losing friends than they do, I think. Perhaps that's a pessimistic outlook, but I just can't help it. I know they still think of me. Moi talks to me frequently. I just miss them so much.

I thought I was sick. Everyone did. My parents and I struggled and struggled to be seen by doctors who would take me seriously. After the endocrinologist told me it was just PCOS, something inside of me changed. I don't know what it was or why, but ever since then, I feel like a different person.

I'm still not completely convinced that this new treatment is going to work, but I'm not really convinced of anything right now, so I guess that's fine. It has to be fine.

So after almost a year now of suffering and stagnation and pain, I've started to heal. I think. But this healing is starting with 10 years of repressed memories and trauma I didn't even know I had.

I am a CSA survivor. Typing it out still feels strange. How long did I carry that with me in my subconscious? I wish I knew. I wish I could remember. As scared as I am of remembering, it somehow seems worse to have it all tucked away somewhere, out of reach. I can't heal if I can't remember.

At the same time, the worst part so far has been remembering. I can't stop thinking about high school. I can't stop thinking about all of the ways that I hurt people. Realizing why I acted the way I did. Remembering all of the dysfunctional ways that I cried out for help.

This blog is one of them. I read through the entire thing some time a few weeks ago. It hurt me to see myself saying such horrible things. I was 13. She was 13. I picked up the burden of self hatred so, so young, and I didn't even know I still carried it with me.

I also don't know when I started believing that I deserved the abuse I got. The neglect. It's little wonder to me now that I struggled with adulthood. No one taught me. No one taught me how to live. I have spent my entire life believing that I am a burden, unwanted, never enough. My mother threatened to kill herself because of me many times. I want to say that I forgot it happened, but that's not true. Like the rest, it has been with me. I think I just accepted that I deserved it somewhere along the way. I don't think that anymore. I haven't thought that for a while.

Now, I just live. I heal. I'm frustrated and scared and sad and all kinds of things. I have so much work to do, and most of it is in my head. I'm grateful for my NH friends more than I can say. I'm grateful to Moi and the rest of my friends in Omaha. I'm grateful to all of the people I have known in my life who have helped me begin to love myself. People who I loved. Because I do love myself, even if I still hate myself. I love parts of me, and I will learn to love all of me.

There is nowhere else to go but forward.

[jjpmoans]

(1/2) omg i used to say that i was a lost weasley child, so it fits! 😊 mark is definitely cute but scary. i always think he and i would NOT get along irl because we’d spend all our time yelling and then crying and yelling again. 😂 i also do agree that youngjae looks best bare-faced! when he goes live or posts his casual selfies, my heart melts! 🥰 -ahgase secret santa 🍊

Awwww. Lost weasley child hahahahahha. I bet you're as sweet as the weasleys too! No really? You and Mark hahahaha. I think you will make a great friend. Really! Mark will have soft spots for you because you know, you're his best friend! Hmm i smell a fanfic here hahahaha. Would you like that, little orangey? Also, Youngjae. Yes. I found out that he's so manly after that live where coco humped the soft toy (i can't believe I missed the moment) and I came to a conclusion that, indeed, he's so hot!

Also the fic hahahhahahahaha. You know, Runaway holds a certain special meaning to me. Let me tell you a story about that. On the day of GOT7 comeback, I was driving so I can't watch the MV first. So I can only listen to the spotify and the first thing I say was I don't like YCMN (jqvzkqjska I'm a liar now i listen to it religiously). But onto the Runaway, damn I listened to that one part of Jaebeom and I melted and the feeling lingered until later that night and oh god I CAN'T STOP BEING SOFT! Which is ironic since this era is supposed to be killing me with all the sexiness. And on top of that, the person I'm feeling soft with is Im Jaebeom, the walking sex symbol.

And Gym 7 waa written bcs hm Jinyoung, gym is an ooohhhhh combination hahahahahhaha. I'd pay to go to gym if he's my trainer 😏 alsooo thankyou for ready lucky stars! Do you love it? Tell me about it! And no the pictures are pretty bcs of camera trick. The real me is the centre picture hahahahahahaha.

It's almost time to reveal ourselves? Oh god I totally forgot! Do you want to reveal yourself today? On 25th? Or you have something in mind already?

[hanazuma-inactive]

ifhy. (nsfw) dabi x bottom!male reader

pronouns: he/him

warnings: hate sex, a lot of cursing, a little bit of degrading, fucking on a counter (?) idk if that counts, and implied violence a little

a/n: sorry this took a while to write i was passed out for the past two days 😀👍

_____

ever since you entered the league of villains you've hated everything about the man. the cockiness, the way he talked, even the way he smiled, though he barely did. you wanted to prove you were better than him. due to the fact that he had a flashier quirk than you, he received more attention from tomura than you did.

everything about dabi pissed you off.

you weren't very subtle about it either, you made sure that dabi knew you didn't like him. In fact everyone in the league knew you hated his guts and they didn't want to get in the way of you two either, just so they don't get hit by the crossfire.

you challenged him one time during another one of shigaraki's meetings because he was taunting your abilities in the mission tomura assigned you to. the fight was pretty bad and thankfully kurogiri was there to stop you guys or else the hideout would've been burned to crisps in the matter of seconds.

believe it or not, there was actually one thing you hated more than dabi. it was how much you wanted to fuck the man. everytime you were with dabi, you were practically undressing him with your eyes. his tall and lean body, those ocean eyes you could melt in and the fact that you could see his pecs slightly due to his clothing.

you didn't want to admit it but you couldn't deny your own desires. not saying you would volunteeringly ask him to fuck you but if the oppurtunity came up you wouldn't say no either. there were times you touched yourself thinking about the black haired male deep inside you stuffing you full of his cum. he turned you on so much and you couldn't deny it.

it was another day were shigaraki excluded you from a mission. you didn't mind too much this time since you didn't want to go anyways. shigaraki and your ideals weren't similar but he recognized your strength and you recognized his authority.

you were resting at the bar table in the hideout and fixing yourself a drink. you knew kurogiri had to have some good booze hidden here somewhere. while ruffling under the counters you heard slow footsteps coming down the stairs. the person you wanted to see the least appeared in front of you.

"what are you doing back here, aren't you supposed to be with them?" you said in a cold tone.

"they don't need me anymore, they've got it handled. shigaraki's plan also failed once."

"wouldn't be surprised."

"fuck is that suppose to mean."

"i said what i said , burnt face."

you felt the atmosphere in the room tense up and so did dabi. you both stayed silent for a few seconds until he spoke again.

"real rich coming from someone who's been eye-fucking me ever since we entered the league together."

you were startled by his response. did you make it that obvious? you stopped looking for the alcohol and stood up.

"so what if i did, huh? i still fucking hate you, i don't know who in the right mine would want your cocky ass here but i guess some people just don't see how much of a piece shit you can be."

you could feel it in your bones a fight was about to go down. dabi wasn't the type to stay silent after you insult him. well, if he does try something you were ready to face him. backing off from something like this wasn't your style.

dabi walked closer to you and put his hand on the counter.

"i always thought you had a pretty face, what a shame it came with a shit personality." dabi said while cupping your cheek with his hand.

his touch felt so right against your skin. the male's hands weren't cold but it wasn't exactly warm either. you didn't know why it felt good but you didn't care either.

"don't fucking touch me, bastard." you said while slapping away dabi's hand.

you wanted dabi to touch you but you didn't want to admit it infront of him. in fact, he was getting too close to you for comfort and the tense atmosphere with just the two of you, him pushing you against the wall. even a nomu would know what he's trying to do.

“oh please, we all know you want it you fucking slut... you want me to fuck your brains out right on this counter, don’t lie to yourself.”

“don’t be so full of yourself, who do you think you are? just because i like your body doesn’t mean i like you.”

dabi turned around and started to walk away realizing you were being serious about this.

“then again, i'm not saying no. so if you want to prove me wrong, come and show me.” you said

dabi understood what you meant, he turned around and grabbed you by the waist pulling you in for a sloppy kiss.

you've never felt your heart beat so fast in your life before. you hands on his shoulders pulling him closer towards you. both of you struggled to take control of the kiss but dabi ended up winning this time.

after a few minutes the kiss broke and you wiped your mouth with your left arm.

"is that all you got bitch boy? c'mon there's no way you're this weak right?" you taunted

"you haven't seen nothing yet, you fucking squirt."

dabi said as he unbuckled his belt. you could see the thick outline of his cock under his boxers. it was so much bigger than you could’ve ever imagined all those times by yourself. dabi soon took off his boxers to show you the real deal. his cock was still half erect but it already looked too big to fit into your hole.

“you like it?” dabi asked with a smirk on his face

“tch, i’ve seen better.”

“oh? is that so.”

right after he said that, dabi grabbed your head and shoved it onto his dick, making you take his cock by all its length right away. you attempted to push yourself away but dabi’s hands were on your head the whole time. Soon enough you submitted to dabi and adjusted to his rhythm. after a while dabi finally let go of your head and pulled out his cock, this time fully erect. you couldn’t tell the exact size but it was practically double the size of what it was initially. during this entire time, you had an erection in your pants too. you were begging for a release preferably through dabi’s cock.

“c’mon sweet heart, we all know what you want. now show me that fucking ass and get on the counter.”

you stayed silent for a bit thinking whether or not to pass up this opportunity or take it. the decision was still in your hands because although dabi might be a villain he would never do something like this if he didn’t get their consent first. after considering, you realized this could be a once in a lifetime opportunity and agreed. you slid the bottom half of your clothing off and sat on the counter. you didn’t expect dabi for the type to ever get flustered but he did. when his eyes locked onto your ass and thighs his eyes widened just like when you saw his cock.

“bet you never had something like this huh~” you teased.

and just like your response earlier, dabi scoffed and said

“i’ve seen better.”

you were both impatient for what’s about to happen next. one person to be stuffed and the other to do the stuffing. dabi’s precum was the most lubricant he was ever going to use on you so without prepping he pushed his cock inside you. right away you felt a bit of pain under there but it quickly turned into pleasure after dabi moved around the area a bit more.

“f-fuck bitch… you’re tight huh…”

“nngh... tch, i told you AH-.”

“this is the good spot isn’t it~” dabi said as he pushed his dick further into you.

you moaned in pleasure as a response with grunts in between. you were feeling euphoric, this was the situation you’ve imagined so many times and now it’s finally coming true. you looked down at your own dick to see the tip of it leaking pre-cum. you couldn’t deny how good you felt at this point even if you wanted to.

“fucking hell… you fuck pretty good for some a-ah! who talks like a bitch.” you managed to make out.

“don’t talk with you ass full, slut.” dabi said as he yet again thrusted into you this time with even more force.

“and you wanted to deny it, look how good im making you feel. you’re gonna cum just from me fucking you in the ass.”

“you’re one to talk, i can feel all of your pre inside. i know you’re feeling just as good as i am don’t lie to me.”

you two gave each other a smirk as if this was some kind of competition of who can make the other person feel better. well it is, but in an aggressive way.

as both of you were getting close the moans and grunts started to become more frequent.

"hgh! im fucking cumming." dabi grunted out

"a-ah fuck! me too." you replied

the two of you came at the same time. pants filled the room with dabi still inside you.

"heh… not bad y/n."

"that's the first time you said my name, dabi."

"the same goes for you."

"i still fucking hate you by the way."

"the same goes for you."

[queenofrain]

MM · Hell´s Kitchen

New York was a chaotic city. Thousands of people trying to make the most out of the crazy circumstances their daily life offers. When you got pulled into this job a couple of years ago,  you never thought it would become a long-term gig. Now, you consider a number of remarkable people your friends - even family. And as you weren't one for the attention and spotlight, this type of mission was perfect.

Being undercover was fun- especially when the simple recon-mission was low risk.  The aim of your mission? To obtain the identity of the night vigilante who was gaining quite the reputation and the attention of your boss- Nick Fury.  He liked to keep tabs on people who could be useful on future operations, and he knew the Devil of Hell's Kitchen had a lot to offer. However, working night shifts on two questionable establishments to gather information was tiring.

One morning, you were picking your breakfast at the local cafe near your apartment when you stumbled onto a cane and nearly fell. You were running on 2 hours of sleep and had a meeting with Maria to talk about the progress on your mission that you did not notice the person behind you as you were trying to walk out. You purposely apologized as he assured you it was ok with a small smile.

After that encounter, you kept running into him at the cafe. One time, the two of you even sat down together and talked for a while. He told you he was a lawyer, and you told him about your jobs at the bar and club. You knew that you shouldn't get involved with him. You were on a mission- but his sweet smile and his charming jokes worked like magic on you.

At night you worked and listened carefully to the conversations of the no-so dangerous criminals that frequented the club. You read the articles on the devil's nightly adventures but you haven't pin-point who he was. In the meantime, you have gotten closer and closer with Matt- spending some of your free nights in his apartment, where he looked even more ethereal with the soft lights of the city.

It looked like you weren't in a rush to finish your assignment. It felt nice to play house after years of moving from mission after mission where your life could end at any given time. But you liked it here, you liked how soft Matt`s lips felt on your skin, how good he made you feel- whether it was on his bed, eating breakfast in the cafe talking about anything and everything, or having a drink with his friends at Josie's.

Hell's Kitchen will always surprise you, and weirdly enough, it started to feel like home- something you haven't felt in a long time. When you realized that your night shifts working have become a dead end, you started to take the long walks home in order to bump into the Devil of Hell's kitchen.

Then, after a couple of weeks- it happened. You were walking home when you listened to grunts and fighting, you ran following the sound, and right outside a warehouse was him. You tried to keep quiet, focused on watching the men fight. It was subtle, but you saw the man dressed in black turn to where you were just as another man grabbed you from your hair. You hold on to the man behind you as the devil knocks out the one he was punching.

As you felt a knife pressing near your ribs, you started fighting. After the bad guys were on the ground, you turned into Daredevil, who was checking if you were ok. Meanwhile, you were in complete silence. He thought the rapid beat of your heart was caused by the fight but your only thought was focused on the only visible part of his face and how you could recognize him in any light. A second later he knew that too. That´ll be a fun conversation.

✨🌙🌻🕯✨

Hi! This is my second time posting something I wrote myself. I`ve been loving this Daredevil revival and I just love him! Is this part of my nightly thoughts before falling asleep?? Of course. Is it connected to my bucky piece? maybe.  haha English is not my first language so if there are some mistakes please let me know.

Have a lovely night! 🌿

[greyeyedmonster-18]

I'm bright baby blue, falling into you, falling for each other.

Part 2 of a previous dribble- "favorite color"

--

Regulus sighed, finally set up and focusing on James. Bright and enthusiastic. Loud. Regulus could see sparks around his head; fireworks in an aura. "Just...be yourself and sit. How you normally do. When you're in class or whatever."

"But that's no fun."

"It's not about fun, it's about...authenticity. So unless you regularly look like a woman waiting for her husband to return from war..."

James laughed, dropping the pose and settling into something that looked more like him. Forward onto his knees; how he sat when he and Sirius were talking. The only two people Regulus knew who were unphased by really intentional eye contact, engaged in some sort of staring contest when they were speaking about the weather or a football match.

--

"Please," Regulus tried again, following Sirius from room to room of their flat as his brother is tidying up.

"Ask me one more time and I will shove this down your throat," Sirius replied, holding a dishrag in front of Regulus's face.

"Be nice, baby," his brother's boyfriend added from the kitchen table where he was sitting, watching the entire debacle. Regulus had interrupted something of a study session, though the books weren't open yet and Remus had been there for about an hour.

"That was nice, I haven't done it yet."

"...Please?" asked Regulus one more time, despite the warning eyebrow lifting on Sirius's face. The dishrag was propelled in Regulus's direction, hitting him square in the face, "Hey!"

"You're annoying me."

"Sirius!" Regulus protested at the lack of answer, Remus laughing from the table.

"Didn't your professor say they're tired of seeing me in your work? I'm telling you, I don't have time to sit for five hours this weekend."

"Sure you do, get out one of those spreadsheet things or do some practice calculations."

Sirius sighed, moving back to sit at the table next to his boyfriend. Remus immediately reached a hand up to the back of his brother's neck, and Regulus had to fight down his eye roll.

"We can make time," Remus offered, "I don't mind."

"Yeah, hey, Remus can sit for it too! I'll sketch both of you out and it'll be just fine."

"Oh. you want to sketch both of us?" Sirius asked, "Really? You sure, love? Do I get to pick the position?"

"Sirius." hissed Remus

Regulus's eyes widened at his brother's choice phrase, tossing the dishrag back on the counter in a heap instead of folding it nicely by the sink. He too could make points. "Nevermind."

"Have one of your shitty friends sit."

"My friends aren't shitty, thanks. They're just busy and...quite honestly they all move too much. I tried with Rosier last assignment and the best I got was twenty minutes out of him and please Sirius," Regulus tried for the last time, not caring how petulant he sounded, even though he knew it was in vain. His brother had an uncanny ability to stay put when he was focused on something that was hard to find, Regulus turning in project after project that used his brother's face and body when required to do portraiture.

Sirius reclined his head back looking up at the ceiling, Remus chuckling still. Regulus was the one person in Sirius's life who perhaps got countless chances, and he took advantage of that. Toeing the line of annoyance more frequently than most people, and getting away with it.

"No."

"But--"

"No."

"What if I--"

"Hey Black Brothers, what are we arguing about?" James said, walking into the room, wide grin on his face and backpack over his shoulder.

"Reg wants me to sit for him for an assignment, and I said no because I'm busy and he's being shit, as usual," Sirius explained, though it didn't have the edge it previously had. Regulus guessed it had something to do with hands and something whispered into his brother's ear by Remus. Regulus rolled his eyes again.

"Aw, don't be so rude to Reggie," James teased, coming to rest his elbow on Regulus's shoulder.

"Don't call me that," Regulus told him, moving out from underneath the weight and looking away from the bright smile that had infiltrated exploratory works for the past several weeks. Secret sketches tucked away under his bed to never see the light of day.

"Besides, I'm free this weekend," James said, "I'll sit for you if you need someone."

"Now that's a great idea. You've never drawn James before, this will be a challenge and--" His brother's words drifted off into faint ringing in his ears, blood rushing to his face. He had drawn James before, almost exclusively by memory, simultaneously surprised and horrified at how well his brain could replicate strong arms and a narrow waist. Because James was no longer just colors swirling in Regulus's brain. He was a fantasy of smile lines and dark curly hair on paper, Regulus playing a game with himself to see how much of James could be secretly embedded into his landscapes. So what if grass started to resemble astroturf? No one had to know.

"Uh...that's not a good idea." Regulus countered.

James gasped, "I am offended! I was made to be drawn."

I know this, idiot. I know this like the back of my hand, and the back of your hand and the back of your--

"I've just never seen you sit still ever, Potter."

"Well, I love a challenge too, Reggie."

--

It wasn't until James Potter was sitting in front of him on a chair brought into their sitting room that Regulus realized they had never been alone together longer than a handful of minutes. They had spent time together, enough for Regulus to develop an odd sort of crush, an odd sort of fluttering in his stomach, but never alone. Sirius was always there as a buffer; a link that attached two opposites together. An artist who had made far too many attempts to fit into a place in the world and an athlete who made homes wherever he stepped. James could walk into any room and chairs would open up, everyone holding their breath to see if they would be so lucky to occupy his time; Regulus walked into rooms and searched, far and why for even an inch he could squeeze into, coming up empty every time.

But there he was, sitting and smiling at Regulus as he moved into ridiculous pose after ridiculous pose.

"Oh, I could be The Thinker, hows this--" James leaned forward putting his hand under his chin, brows creasing into a contemplative frown.

"You look constipated."

"I might be."

"Charming, Potter. Don't you do a juice cleanse once a week or whatever," Regulus said, focusing intently on getting his supplies out, and not on the boy in front of him who had chosen the tightest shirt possible to wear that day. "I would hope you wouldn't be..."

"You're right." James grinned, "OH! What about that woman, she's kind of looking over her shoulder? I could go get some of Sirius's jewelry. Look," James sat up and turned his head over his shoulder just slightly, face forming into something far off and mysterious.

"The Girl with the Pearl Earring?"

"Yes!"

Regulus sighed, finally set up and focusing on James. Bright and enthusiastic. Loud. Regulus could see sparks around his head; fireworks in an aura. "Just...be yourself and sit. How you normally do. When you're in class or whatever."

"But that's no fun."

"It's not about fun, it's about...authenticity. So unless you regularly look like a woman waiting for her husband to return from war..."

James laughed, dropping the pose and settling into something that looked more like him. Forward onto his knees; how he sat when he and Sirius were talking. The only two people Regulus knew who were unphased by really intentional eye contact, engaged in some sort of staring contest when they were speaking about the weather or a football match.

"Better?"

"Yeah..." Regulus said picking up a pencil, "Let...me know if you need to move? I can put marks down--"

"Oh, no, I'll be fine. I'm competing with Sirius on whose the better model."

No contest, I'd much rather look at you.

"I...okay." Regulus swallowed, blowing out a breath between his lips, eyes raising and catching James's. The other boy smiled instantly, "What? Don't look at me like that."

"Like what? This is just my face."

"Stop smiling unless you can hold it."

Stop smiling unless you want to watch me get hard in the next 10 minutes.

"Shouldn't be hard, Reggie..."

Regulus rolled his eyes, the horrendous nickname slowing heart palpitations.

--

James was surprisingly good at staying still. Better than Regulus had given him credit for, at most wiggling his fingers or feet on the floor. Regulus was unsurprisingly bad at staying focused, spending far too long on the contours of James's shoulders and the outline of his kneecaps seen through joggers. Regulus was bad at fighting down a blush, wishing he wasn't so fair and had inherited more of his father's complexion and less of his mother's. He was certain James could see the pink on his cheeks. Maybe he could chalk it up to the weather. Or working hard.

Maybe he could pretend he wasn't reveling in every moment he could study James, extra time dedicated to his hands.

"Do you usually talk with Sirius?" James asked breaking the silence that had floated between them.

"No," Regulus said, "But that's mostly because he doesn't talk back and forgets I'm here. Sometimes I think a train could run him over and he'd still be wrapped up in whatever.... numbers and other things."

"It's impressive."

"I'm well aware." Regulus rolled his eyes, used to people being impressed by Sirius and finding Regulus the more appropriate channel to express it. He had grown up at dinner tables that were content to praise Sirius, even while his parent's called him troublesome behind closed doors, catching him stumbling home drunk off his arse and sneaking out as a teenager. Because Sirius was the one with the lucrative career ahead of him. Sirius was the one who had his priorities straight, even though Sirius was also the one smoking in his room and ensuring every family gathering ended in a shouting match.

Regulus was just an artist and figuring it out.

"Not the numbers part, I don't care about that, I mean the discipline part. I'd be hit with the train and go along for the ride. You know?"

"That's impressive as well...go with the changes? Makes you a good player..."

"...That was actually nice, Reg."

"Happens on occasion."

James smiled widely and Regulus had to stop himself from moving too quickly, and ruining his drawing which had James straight-faced, wanting to capture the ratio of lips and teeth to the rest of his face. "What about you?"

"I hear the train coming from miles away. I'm the first one off the track."

"So...you want to talk back."

"Not necessarily."

"You want to talk while drawing. All the thoughts in your head?"

"Not all of them.

"I like talking."

"Very aware of that."

"So? What are you thinking?"

Regulus moved his eyes from the paper, "That this isn't working. This doesn't feel right and I'm not sure why but we're already an hour and then some in and I don't want to take more of your time so I'm going keep going, but I'm not...exactly happy with this."

"Not happy? Oh, we can't have that. How can I help? Should I go back to Girl with Pearl Earring?"

Regulus couldn't help but smile, "No, stay put. I...don't actually know." He turned his paper around so he could show James, "It's off and I can't explain it."

James moved abruptly off the chair to get a closer look, "Are you kidding? It's brilliant! That's my knee! And my neck! You got that freckle I have back there, and the weird bone that pokes out--and the lines on my eyes? Reggie!"

"I have a feeling I could draw a stick figure and you'd love it."

"Because I would, but I mean it. This looks good! What's off about it?"

"It's...just a feeling."

"Like colors?"

"Kind of."

"Well..." Jame shrugged sitting back down, "You...are more than welcome to take my time."

Regulus tapped his pencil on the paper a few times, raising an eyebrow at James, "...I have an idea."

"Okay."

"Do...you want to drive or--"

"Oh, dibs on driving Sirius's car. Can we find some mud to drive it through? Take a detour to the seaside really quick just to track sand inside?"

Regulus laughed and stood up alongside James, grabbing his paper and pencils. James quickly walked to the kitchen where Sirius's keys would be, left on a bowl on the counter, shouting about bringing water for them.

--

The finished drawing of James was put on the wall of the kitchen so Regulus could step back and look at it. The day that started in the stale indoors of the flat turned into an afternoon outdoors at the University field, Regulus sitting on the track sketching as James moved around.

You don't sit still...it's not you if you're not moving.

It was unlike any portrait Regulus had done before, legs and knee caps appearing dismembered; broad smiles floating on the page; absent footballs and feet. A whirlwind. A hurricane of light. Of fun.

James was unlike anyone Regulus had known before.

Regulus had finished the drawing and offered to kick the ball around with James in exchange. Kaleidoscope eyes lit up and Regulus knew he'd make a fool of himself ten times over just to see that again.

"Are you going to come join us or do I have to drag you out of here?" asked James and Regulus turned over his shoulder.

"Sorry, I just...had to make sure."

"Of what? Looks like a fine specimen you've got there."

"Your ego is showing, Potter..."

James walked forward, elbows resting on top of Regulus's shoulders.

Chest pressed flush against his back.

Regulus held his breath. He couldn't give himself away.

"Can I keep it?"

"I have to turn it in."

"After."

"You want to?"

"Or...we could do it again."

Regulus cautiously turned his head to the side and looked up, catching eyes in his own, "Drawing."

A slow smile.

"If that's what you want to call it."

Regulus tripped over James's legs as the ball was stolen out from underneath his feet, landing flat on his back in the middle of the field. Not that Regulus expected to be able to get anything past James--a near-professional athlete-- but until that moment he was proud he had managed to keep the ball away, holding his own. James's walked over, legs on either side of Regulus's sprawled out body, curly hair blocking the sun. James had changed into shorts the second they got there, going into his locker, and Regulus could definitely see up them from his position on the ground. Regulus wasn't sure James's legs ever actually ended. Just continued in gorgeous shades of brown for all of eternity.

"Nice try, Reggie." James extended his hand, "Are you okay?"

"I'm just fine," Regulus took his hand and stood up, "Just...a bruised arse and pride."

"Aw," James said, stepping closer, a rare moment of hesitation flickering across his face before he spoke, their hands still connected. "Kiss to make it better?"

"Sorry?"

Lips pressed onto Regulus's cheek.

Soft.

Tender.

Longer than James usually went around kissing people on the cheek. Long enough to make Regulus think...it should've been his lips instead.

"Alright?"

Regulus cleared his throat, "...Knock me down again and I'll let you know."

[silvertonedwords]

#40 kisses prompt if you haven't had that asked yet please and thank you.

A gentle kiss that quickly descends into passion, with little regard for what’s going on around them.

I felt like expanding this.

“And, why are people staring at us?”

Tina clears her throat as they walk past gaggles of well-dressed employees at the Ministry entrance, then waves her wand at a stand of this morning’s papers so that one flies into her hand and falls open to the second page. “The usual.” She passes the page over to Newt, her beaded charcoal gown rustling between them.

Many of the guests pay them no mind, but Newt is right to notice the odd person pointing or whispering with badly concealed glances in their direction. 

“ ‘Scamander and Auror Wife to Split’ details on page 10′” he reads. “Merlin’s beard, not again.” He skims the article briefly before sending the paper back to the stand with a flick of his wand and a frustrated sigh. Frequent absences for work. Sources close to the couple. Chilly atmosphere on a walk last week after Mr. Scamander returned from his research trip.

“Mm-hm.” Tina rolls her eyes, fighting hard to brush it off entirely, although she knows these articles bother Newt. Not all of them—not the ones speculating about the color of ink he uses at book signings or the financial arrangement he has with his publisher for a second edition. He finds those easy enough to ignore. And the articles that anger him the most are those with misinformation about his creatures. But she has noticed that it bothers him when the papers speculate about the state of their relationship. Is it so impossible for people to see how we feel about each other? he’d asked the night after the second article had run, his face cast in shadows on the pillow beside her and his fingers tracing absent-minded shapes along her ribs. 

She can understand the frustration. As secure as they are in each other, it stings that the rest of society seems to have decided that their feelings deserve suspicion and ridicule. A single article would be one thing, but to have the baseless stories repeated over, and over... (Who’s gonna marry him? she remembers asking Newt on the day they met, in reference to Jacob of course, but it feels apt now—the question everyone else seems to be asking of them.) Tina is a generally private person, and she knows it wouldn’t help, but sometimes she wishes she could make these foolish people listen to her as she describes her husband—his kindness, and wit, and energy. How unusual and wonderful he is, and how lucky they both feel every day, even when one of them is in a terrible mood, or they’re about to be separated for work, to have stumbled into each other on a New York street. 

The specifics of the articles change each time, but the implications remain more or less the same. Some speculate that she is always at work, too busy to support his success, and too disinterested a wife to care. Others suggest that he is too strange, too cold—that he couldn’t possibly care for her. And always, the articles seem to say, it was destined to be a disaster, and if ever there was any passionate feeling between them, there certainly isn’t now. She’ll take the criticism of her feelings and know it’s absurd, but the self-satisfied hints about Newt are enraging. 

They make their way to the east wing of the lobby and up a set of stairs, where floating chandeliers and draping gold and navy fabric adorn the usually bare hall. Newt must have picked up on her scowl, because he slides his hand into hers and squeezes tightly. She squeezes back, trying to shake off her frustration as she waves at a couple of auror colleagues. “Thanks for coming with me. I know you hate these things.”

“You hate them too,” he protests.

“Yes, but I’m the one who’s required to go.”

His thumb sweeps across the back of her hand, his fingers threading through hers. “I’d do far more, you know.”

She does not try to hide her soft smile, lovestruck though it must be. “I know.”

They reach the top of the stairs and turn left, making their way past tables of bubbling drinks and towards the ballroom’s heavy wooden doors. Newt drops her hand to avoid a floating platter of chocolates, stepping to the side to rejoin her a few feet later. A camera flash goes off in front of them. Wonderful, Tina thinks. More fuel for speculation.

-&-

The first part of the evening goes as well as can be expected. Tina has few enough people that she’s interested in talking to; the only reason the Auror Department is required to attend these soirees is ‘to demonstrate to everyone that England is doing just fine in our efforts to stop Grindelwald’. 

At least Perkins had pulled Newt deep into conversation about the creatures he’d come across on assignment in Brazil. They’d wandered off fifteen minutes earlier, leaving Tina to sip her drink and watch the rest of the senior aurors and department heads mingle. Occasionally, she has a brief conversation with a colleague, but they, like her, keep moving around the room, taking stock. Even if she were the kind of person who enjoyed parties, she supposes, her job would probably ruin them. There are too many people to keep an eye on--too many people that she’s learned by reputation or experience not to trust.

Since Newt left for a smaller anteroom, she has also found to her great annoyance that the gossiping has become somewhat bolder. There are a few whispers around her--a couple of women from the press office pointing at her with sympathetic sighs; a man turning to his wife and saying I didn’t think it would last, you know. He’s so odd.

She has just turned back for another drink when Mrs. Selwyn spots her. “Ah, Tina darling, how are you?”

Tina moves her glass to her left hand, reaching with her right to shake the woman’s hand. The Selwyns have purchased hippogriffs from the Scamanders and have known both boys since they were little, although they are not, Tina has gathered, a particular favorite of either. “Fine, Mrs. Selwyn,” Tina replies smoothly, keeping an eye on new arrivals passing through the ballroom door.

“You know, dear, if you ever needed--well, if you needed someone to talk to...”

Tina swallows a cough at the presumption. “What about?” she asks cheerfully.

“Oh, well. I’m sure I don’t know. Married life. That sort of thing.”

Tina does cough at that, covering it with a sip of her drink. Any anger on her part, she knows, will only be taken as confirmation of the story. The nerve of these people though, and the nerve of those so-called journalists with their smug implications, that no one could really fall in love with Newt; that a woman and an auror could not possibly have a happy marriage; that because Newt doesn’t follow her around like a crup at every event saying ‘yes dear’ and ‘of course dear’, he couldn’t possibly be in love with her. Never mind the way he looked at her from across the room a few minutes ago, when he caught her gaze mid-sentence. Never mind that her heart still takes off like a niffler in a jewelry store whenever he fixes her hair or kisses the back of her hand.

“Tina!” she hears, grateful that for once, her brother-in-law has good timing. “Could I borrow her for a moment, Mrs. Selwyn? Auror business.”

Mrs. Selwyn looks between them, raising an eyebrow as though deciding whether to be offended, and then nods and turns away.

“Thank you,” Tina murmurs under her breath as they walk towards the opposite wall.

“I’m quite put out, you know,” Theseus replies good-naturedly. “My brother and sister-in-law are splitting up for the fifth time this year, and they didn’t even bother to tell me.”

“Don’t you start,” she warns.

Theseus glances at her, then nods towards Mrs. Selwyn’s retreating form. “Is that what that was about?”

She hums in acknowledgement. “Offering ‘marital advice’.” 

“Ridiculous, if you ask me. ‘There was a chilly atmosphere on their walk’,” he quotes. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Mm, particularly given the fact that we’d spent the majority of that day in bed.”

Theseus chokes on a sip of firewhisky. “Tina, he’s my little brother, would you please not—“ She grins, and he scowls back half-heartedly. “You say things like that just to make me squirm.”

“It’s good for you.” Her grin melts into a softer smile as she catches sight of Newt, who is still engrossed in his conversation with Perkins half a room away, his hands flying through the air with his enthusiasm.

Theseus’s voice has gentled beside her. “I don’t know how anyone could pay attention to the two of you for five minutes and believe anything those articles say.”

Well, Tina thinks with a rush of impatient energy, perhaps that’s what everyone needs to put an end to this stupid speculation. “Back in a minute,” she tells Theseus, downing the last of her drink and setting the glass on a nearby table. 

She strides across the room to where Newt and Perkins are still talking. “Could I borrow Newt?” she asks, one hand grazing Newt’s elbow once he’s seen that it’s her.

“Hello,” Newt offers once they are facing each other. He swallows hard, she presumes at what must be a rather fierce expression on her face.

“Hi,” she returns, touching the edge of his fringe. 

He catches her hand in his own, turning to press a kiss to her palm, the touch comfortable and breathtaking in equal measure. “Is something the matter?”

She shakes her head, falling into the tender amusement of his searching gaze. The auror in her had crossed the room with a plan, but as she slides a hand along his jaw and brings his lips to hers, she does not think about who might be watching them, or who would care. She does it because she wants to, and because she loves him, and because they can. Because she’s caught glimpses of him looking at her all evening, and knows that she’s been doing the same. 

Newt is as wrapped up in them as she was in an instant. He tilts his head further and cups her jaw to keep their mouths joined, his other hand settling on her waist to steady them. The kiss is intense but not frenzied, the press of lips and tongues a familiar give and take, their soft gasps muffled into the space between them.

Tina slides her hand around his neck, slipping her fingers up into his messy hair and smiling against his lips when he arches into the touch, and Newt coaxes her closer with his hand spread across her back. A shiver works its way through her as his calloused hand settles against her bare skin where the cut of her dress has left it exposed.

They part slowly, first to their foreheads pressed together, and then enough that Tina glimpses the dazed expression that matches her own. 

He watches his fingers curl into her mussed hair and tuck it back behind her ear, and Tina melts into the tenderness in his touch and his eyes. “That was…” he manages, his voice rough.

Her teeth dig into her lip, her eyes dancing to find the beginnings of a smile on Newt’s lips. “Unexpected?” She fixes the ends of his collar, although they hardly need adjusting. “I thought maybe we could put a stop to the rumors. They were starting to bother me.” She fingers his bowtie. “I think they have been. A little. Not because—but the things that everyone assumes about you are...“

“I know.” His brow furrows, his fingers curling around hers. “I think the same about you.”

A camera flashes beside them.

Tina sighs as, reluctantly, they pull apart. In an ideal world, they wouldn’t appear in the papers. But if they’re going to, at least it can be a little more accurate, and less likely to send nosy women and thoughtless Ministry officials their way with cruel assumptions about Newt’s heart. 

The story runs the following day as a caption to a photograph from the evening, an ever-repeating moment of their hands tangled and eyes fixed together as they separate from their kiss.

Newt Scamander & Auror Goldstein Like Newlyweds at Last Night’s Soiree, the headline reads. 

Theseus drops a copy on Tina’s desk the next morning with a shake of his head and a begrudging grin.

“So, did that go how you’d planned?” Newt asks that night as they’re getting ready for bed. 

Tina grins as he settles under the blankets beside her. “I saw you tear out a copy of that photograph and put it in your case.” 

He settles a hand on her hip, and she grasps it to tug him closer, until he’s pressed up against her back, his voice behind her warm and sleepy. “Your eyes in that photo, Tina.” 

She cranes her neck to glimpse his face, reaching an arm behind her to tuck his face into her neck. “I may have left a copy in my desk. I prefer yours.”

[serenityseventeen]

Love & Letter: To The Thirteen Boys I've Loved Before

The Ninth Letter

----------------

To: Kim Mingyu

From: Y/N

Dear Mingyu, are you doing well?

Well, we don't see each other often anymore so I'm always wondering that. We used to always bump into each other at the grocery store or the mall. Now, I don't even see you anywhere.

I don't blame you for it. Now that we've broken up, I can feel your love. The love that you gave me when we were together still lingers. I haven't forgotten about you yet. Do you know why? It's because I'm convinced. I still love you.

These days, even after breaking up with you, I still think back on our sweet moments. I stayed up late a few days ago, just thinking back on our relationship and how far in love we were.

Before I go to sleep, I always feel the empty space beside my bed for you. You came by to my dormitory whenever you had the chance and would sleep in my bed because you said you missed me. Thank God my dormitory allowed visitors because if it didn't, we would have seen each other even less.

Even if I was just working on school assignments on my laptop, you would crawl beside me and sleep. Sometimes, no, every time, I couldn't stop myself from messing up your soft hair. You didn't want to bother me and just wanted to be by me so you slept, right?

Well, you sleeping was just as big of a distraction.

I promised to tell you on your birthday when and why I fell for you. Today is your birthday. April 6th.

I'll tell you, in this letter.

It wasn't on the first day that I began working at the cafe with you that I fell for you. I started working at the cafe in the middle of summer break for more money and you were my senior. You know how hard it was for me. I needed money for living expenses and my father was hospitalized for cancer.

I'll get back to the subject. I started falling in love with you because...well, you were you. Your personality, just the way you were made me gradually fall for you. You made my heart flutter and race with your gentle and caring actions. You were also funny and kind and clumsily cute.

Before I met you, I was battling a small heartbreak. I lost one of my friends because I liked them romantically. I was going to push myself away from love because you know, loving me is like a curse. I didn't want to fall in love again but then you... I met you.

At first, I was growing a bit suspicious of you? I was starting to think that you liked me when you always hovered over me and lingered behind me. You also held my hand frequently to ‘help’ me.

I didn't think much of it until I saw your eyes and smile. I always thought that I fell in love way too easily but I don't know how I was able to resist you. That's when your indirect back hugs began to make my heart pound.

Summer break was almost over and I became sure of my feelings the more that I hung out with you. We would also coincidentally meet each other at the grocery store, food markets, and malls, and we were able to hang out together that way too. Shopping with you was fun and memorable.

Since summer break was coming to an end, I didn't want to go back to college with a lump in my chest. I just felt like I should tell you about my feelings while not expecting us to date.

So, that's how I asked you out.

I made sure that it was only us in the kitchen of the cafe. I was pretty confident that you liked me back but I still wanted to ask.

We were washing dishes when I said, “Mingyu, I like you. What do you think of me?”

“You? Of course, I like you too.”

I won't lie, the answer got me a bit disappointed at first, but then you kissed me softly on the lips afterward and made me realize otherwise.

I liked the romance we had. There was no one to tell us apart. At work, when we were alone, you would become all lovey-dovey with me, sneaking kisses and grabbing my hand. I liked it. It gave me this feeling of... Youthful romance?

With you, I was able to overcome everything hard. College was kicking me constantly but I was always excited to come to work. I was always excited for the weekend because we could just lay in each other's arms. We would go on classic dates, holding hands, walking. Mingyu, it was because of you that I was able to smile.

You even visited my father with me, bringing delicious foods that you made yourself. Do you know how grateful I am for that? I always thanked you but I am truly thankful. My dad liked you a lot and wanted to see you often. Seeing you two get along made me happy.

I was really happy but of course, the curse had to strike and everything we built had to come tumbling down.

We didn't last long enough to even celebrate your birthday, which is regretful. I actually already had a gift for you, a nice watch because you recently broke yours, but I guess I can't give it to you. Maybe I'll slip the watch in the envelope with this letter.

I know for you, it'd be hard to believe what I'm about to say but please, believe me. I was cowardly and because I didn't want to hurt you more in the future, I made that decision.

Mingyu, I know I still love you.

Maybe there was a chance that we would break through and not drift apart but to me, that's nothing but assumptions and I don't want to get ahead of myself.

College is tough and I'm sure you understand that. After I got fired from the cafe, I knew that I wouldn't be able to see you that much anymore. Plus, you also know that I started taking more part-time jobs to pay for my father's hospital bills and my own living. We both needed money just as much as we needed each other.

Maybe if I made the decision of ignoring that guy, I wouldn't have gotten fired; but I couldn't stand it. I saw you too, clenching your fist as you watched, I just got to the guy before you did. I mean, how could he so publicly harass one of the waitresses? I was so angry and got out of control, so I threw a milk bottle at him. I don't know if I should regret that choice.

I don't want you to think that you were nothing but filler, something to fill in my romance cravings amidst my hectic schedules. I truly loved you and I know that because I feel it. I can feel this strong desire to stay with you, see you smile, spend time with you...

And if you read this letter, you might ask, “Then why did you break up with me if you felt like that?”

Well, I didn't want to become a burden.

The day was already gloomy and the weather said it was going to rain. I asked to meet up and when you rushed over, I could tell that you already knew what was coming.

I don't have enough time for love. My weekends became bombarded with part-time jobs so I was rarely at the dormitory. My schedules became hectic and school just made it harder for us to see each other.

It was beginning to rain when I started talking.

“Mingyu, I think we should stop seeing each other; we don't even see each other often.”

“But it's fine, isn't it? Why would we...”

“You know how it is for me.”

“It'll be fine, Y/N. I'll be here for you no matter what.”

I shook my head.

“Let's just break up.”

I don't know what was going on in your head but I'm sure you were angry. I couldn't read your eyes and I couldn't tell what you were thinking because I was consistently repeating to myself in my head while holding back my tears, ‘I'm sorry’.

“Why? We can overcome this! I'm sure I can help your father get better. We can live together, we can help each other.”

“I'm sorry, Mingyu.”

I remember you took my hand when as I was turning to leave. I almost cried.

“Why?” You asked. “I know we can...”

“Mingyu... don't get ahead of yourself. I don't want to ruin our relationship because of my problems.”

It was painful for me to let you go. I just gave you my umbrella and boarded the bus. You were too late and started chasing it but didn't catch up. I began crying so much that I had to cover my face and mouth. I'm sure people were looking at me. With rain pattering the windows, my tears flowed.

I hope that somewhere, you have left a trace of me.

I have a feeling that somehow, I could have chosen a better solution for this problem. Now that I'm spending a few days back here at my house, I miss you more than usual. I dream every day that maybe, we'll meet again coincidentally and you had been waiting for me, but who am I to think that when I was the one who ended it?

You've stopped posting on your social media.

Yesterday night, I looked back on our pictures in my photo gallery and my heart ached so much. Just seeing your smile was enough to cheer me up but break me down at the same time.

I wanted to reach out to you today and wish you a happy birthday. I kept typing and erasing, typing and erasing, and in the end, I didn't send any sort of text. Your birthday is almost over and I haven't said anything nor have I given you my gift. I'm sorry. If I do send the gift, maybe we'll see each other again, but at the same time, I'm afraid to see you again.

Your puppy-like personality, your sweet words, your soft gestures, your smile that can light up my world, your everything that I loved, I miss it all. Will time do its work?

Maybe one day I will move on and forget you.

I don't think we have another chance.

You probably feel betrayed that I don't think our love was powerful enough to overcome my problems. Was I selfish? I think so. Now that I think about it, I didn't want to drag you into my problems but I didn't give you much chance to speak. I didn't want to hurt you but even then, I only thought about myself. I guess I didn't want the guilt of having you bear my problems with me. I was selfish and didn't consider anything else.

I couldn't think of any other solution.

If we did continue dating, would it have been better or worse for us? Would we have broken up with bigger scars or would we have continued our love with stronger hearts?

Yes, I was stupid. I'm a fool and I'm sorry. I won't be mad if you resent me because I'm just a cowardly fool. This letter makes me realize that now, belatedly.

All this time, I thought I was doing something right by not taking you into hell with me.

In the end, I still don't know if I chose the best choice for us.

Yours truly,

Y/N

-----------------

© serenityseventeen

7/2/21 - 3:17 pm

a/n: I have finally learned the chorus choreography to RTL. It's not as hard as Home or Getting Closer but it's also tiring lol. I need to work more on my posture and angles to make it look good. What should I learn next...?

[smallheathgangsters]

Helloo! I'm here for the celebration! ♥️♥️

🔮 for me, please. Idk I've never done this before but I'll try to give some info

Idk my personality type👀 and I haven't watched or read Harry Potter (long story short I never had the time) so idk which house I'd belong with but as far as I've seen the descriptions I'd be somewhere between Ravenclaw and Slytherin. I'm straight, a stem major and like to do the tougher things first. Will only start on a project or an assignment when I have dug up whatever I could find on that topic and have it with me in print, ready to tackle any doubt I might come across. I like reading from papers more than screens. Technology is not my friend :( Will watch 100th re-run of The Office rather than starting some new show or movie. Have become more confident and daring ever since I cut my tail-bone-length hair to shoulder length. I'm more like one of those people who like to watch the world burn with popcorn in their hands💀

CONGRATULATIONS, LEAH! ♥️

Thank you <3

smallheathgangster’s 1.6k celebration

you seem very intelligent and educated and interested in constantly learning new stuff. you wanting to do the tougher things first and with that, not shying away from them, is something tommy would love about you. he knows, you get your tasks done and whatever you do, you do it well. nothing half-hearted. the two of you would spend many evenings not at home, but in his office, both working on your own things, ending in frequent walks home through birmingham late at night. he would love having intellectual conversations with you, talking about his business and politics, although sometimes even about his family. you’d be the grounded, rational partner he needs. tommy does not need emotion, he needs brains and support (though sometimes, even a gangster like him needs a little love, he just does not like to admit it). also: when you said “technology is not my friend”, my mind immediately went to tommy, so my decision was made promptly lol.