#and my anxiety levels are through the fucking roof

[engafordoma]

.

[apothecareful]

deeply sickening succession episode. probably the hardest to watch so far

[ace-of-d1am0nds]

i’m so exhausted

[daydreams-after-dark]

Show Mommy

Synopsis: Lee Know dressed as Aunt Lina was doing things to you as you watched him on set. But what happens when you are invited to an after party and accidentally end up in Lee Know's room, and he's still in costume?

NSFW // 18+ MINORS DNI for the love of god.

Features: female reader x cross dressing aunty lino

Word count: 4.4k

This link though

nsfw warnings below.

Kinks and warnings: Mummy kink (Lee Know is referred to as Mummy), choking on cock (cutting off air supply), Edging, Light Dom/Sub, Pet names (Mummy, babygirl, kitten etc), Name calling (slut, whore), unprotected piv sex, oral sex (m rec), cross dressing, vaginal fingering, creampie.

a/n: This story was born out of an ask from friend @noellllslut She was after Lee Know dressed as Aunt Lino who fucks reader's brains out. It was originally posted on my main blog @moonlightndaydreams but the themes fit the feel of this blog. So it now resides over here. Please welcome it make it feel at home 😘

Lee Know couldn’t help but notice the way you couldn’t keep your eyes off of him while he was on was the SKZ Family set. So he deliberately slouched back in his seat, spreading his legs unashamedly under the silk skirt he wore as part of his Aunty Lino costume. He knew what it was doing to you. You tried your hardest to look away, but your eyes kept returning to him, alternating between gazing at his beautiful dolled up face and wig, to almost drooling as you stared at his crotch. You knew what was underneath that dress, although you’d never seen it or experienced it first hand.

Lee Know had seen you around a few times now. You were the newest staff member of the catering service that sometimes provided refreshments and food to the group. You stood out like a sore thumb, actually, with your eyes wide, starstruck. You’d never been in such close proximity to idols before.

Lee Know thought you looked cute. He liked that you seemed flustered around him and the other members. But he also noticed that you didn’t seem to ever really be looking at them, but rather your gaze was always on him. Your stare made him feel flushed. Luckily the blush make up could hide the fact there was also a natural shade of pink burning on his skin.

You were looking at him almost shamelessly towards the end of filming. That’s why he kept opening his legs to sit “unladylike”. That’s why he raised his voice, bellowing angrily, confusing you with the alluring mix of feminine and masculine. That’s why he dared to glance right back at you whenever he looked around the room. He wanted to send you a message; that he knew you were watching him, and he wanted you to know that he was enjoying it.

You felt like you would certainly have a heart attack if he looked at you one more time. The way he sat back in the chair, feet planted far apart made you want to fucking straddle him then and there. He was taunting you with brief glances, and eventually outright stares. You felt an ache in your core and a wetness forming between your legs. Thank fuck this was almost over and you could pack up and leave.

“Hey!” Your colleague caught your attention. “Turns out they want to stay dressed up to go to the holiday house to have a party. Apparently you’re invited!” He exclaimed. “Maybe you could take all the spare food there. Come and help me pack and up and you can drive it over there now and set up.”

Well there goes going home. Wait. What? They invited you? You felt anxiety rising inside your chest.

“Here, let me help.” You turned towards the voice that broke your thoughts. Fucking Lee Know.

“Oh—“ you choked. “Um… it’s fine. Really.” You managed to say. He was standing awfully close to you. He wasn’t a lot taller than you were, and so you got a perfect close up view of his gorgeous face. His pretty almond eyes framed by the hair of the chestnut brown wig. How the hell were you going to survive the night? Both your nerves and horny levels were through the roof.

“I insist, kitten. Let’s get the lids on these, and I’ll help carry them out to the car.” He smiled kindly. Who were you to deny him? You were told by your boss when you started this job to do anything the idols want. If they want to help you, then you had to let them.

You felt his eyes on you as he followed you out to your car, hoping he wasn’t looking at your ass.

“So, I’ll be seeing you at the party tonight, yeah?” He asked closing the car boot and turning to lean on it.

“Well I have to be there - all the food is in my car now.” You chuckled like an idiot, then looked down at your feet.

Lee Know simply smirked at you. “You’re an interesting little kitty.” He continued to smirk whilst he’s eyes turned dark. How were you meant to respond to that?

“Well,” He suddenly stood tall as if snapping out of his thoughts, and walked around to the driver’s side of the car, opening the door for you. “Drive safely.” He said as you slid into the seat. You rolled your eyes “Yes Mum.” You mocked like you were an unamused teenager responding to an overprotective parent.

Lee Know’s energy shifted. “What did you just call me?” His tone was one of amusement, but there was something behind his eyes. Something devious. He leaned down in the doorway, one hand resting on the open door, the other on the side of the car, his curtain of “hair” framing his pretty face in the most elegant way.

“I said: Yes, Mummy.” You repeated condescendingly and locked eyes on him. Fuck he made you feel nervous, but you weren’t going to let on. Something inside you was enjoying being a little bratty.

“Hmm.” He said standing back up and closing the car door and walking back inside without another word.

You pulled up at the holiday house, knowing that you would have arrived there before the members. That gave you time to fumble around your car for your emergency “going out bag” - ready with a little black dress, a hairbrush and makeup - and then took the left over food up to the house in two trips. A staff member let you in so you could set up. You took a deep breath as you surveyed the food. Yep everything looked fine.

Your next priority was changing into your dress so you went in search of a bathroom to get changed and touch up your makeup. You didn’t want to take up the common bathroom, so you went looking for an ensuite off of a bedroom. It didn’t take long to find one that seemed suitable. The far bedroom down the hall. You’d be out of the way in this room. No one would stumble upon you there. You closed the bedroom door and went into the the bathroom, peeling off your black slacks and black blouse, realising you weren’t wearing an appropriate bra for the dress you had brought. Fuck it. You had nice tits though, so you decided to go bra-less. Your dress was a black mini dress, super tight (it’ll hold those puppies in), that zipped up the entire front - from the hem to the neckline. It was probably too much for the occasion. It was more a clubbing dress, not a hang out with some idols at a casual house party type of dress. But it was either that or your work clothes. You glanced down at the discarded slacks and blouse and then back up to your reflection. Nope! The dress it is.

Next you added some heavier eyeshadow and a tonne of mascara. Finally, a slick of red lipstick. You weren’t planning to impress anyone, right? You just needed to match the makeup to the dress.

You could hear loud music thumping, and muffled boisterous voices through the walls. The boys must have arrived.

You looked yourself over in the vanity mirror one final time. Okay. You’ve got this. You don’t actually have to speak to him. It’s okay. You reassured yourself. Just chat to someone else. Maybe Han. Or Felix. They seem safe.

You pepped yourself up, took a deep breath and opened the door to go back into the bedroom.

Your heart almost jumped out of your body and out of the window. Actually, you wanted to throw your entire body out of the window.

Lee Know. Sitting on the end of the bed. Directly facing you. Legs fucking spread. Still in Aunty-fucking-Lino mode.

His mouth was parted slightly. He was taken aback by what he saw. But he recovered quickly and you didn’t notice because you were too busy having some sort of panic attack. “W-what are you doing in here?” You asked timidly.

Lee know chuckled. “This is my room for the night. I wasn’t expecting a visitor waiting for me.”

“Oh!” Was all that came out of your mouth and your hand flew to your chest, clasping at the zipper, ensuring you were properly dressed. The way he was looking at you made you feel naked. Exposed. Vulnerable.

“I’m really sorry.” You smiled sheepishly. “I’ll be out of your way.” Of all the rooms you chose to change in, it had to be Lee Know’s.

You lowered your head and nervously made a beeline for the door. The sooner you removed yourself from the situation the better.

You reached for the door handle, but a hand landed on the door, next to your head, preventing you from opening it. Preventing you from leaving. Trapping you. A rustle of fabric grazed the back of your bare legs, making you freeze. Lee Know’s warm breath on your neck caused goosebumps to appear on your skin. You tried to ignore the ache between your legs.

But there was something else happening too. Despite your nerves. Despite this situation being inappropriate and unprofessional. Despite your oftentimes timid nature, you were curious. It was almost like there was a little devil on your shoulder, a little voice that made your insides itch to torment Lee Know.

“What’s the matter? Doesn’t Mummy want to let me out of the house dressed like this?” You boldly teased.

Lee Know pressed his erection into your ass, startling you. He wasn’t wearing anything underneath his dress, his hard cock bouncing freely against you made that perfectly clear. You laughed condescendingly and continued to torment. “Afraid some boys will ruin my honour? Steal my innocence, hmm?”

Lee know growled and spun you around and pushed you against the door.

“There won’t be anything for those boys to ruin once I let you leave this room.” He sneered low and deadly, staring into your eyes.

His gaze dropped to your zipper. You held your breath. He won’t. Surely. He took his thumb and forefinger and grasped the toggle. Oh fuck he is going to. He unzipped your dress all the way, causing it to pop open and your bare tits to spill out, exposing you to the man in front of you.

Your hands automatically came to cover your breasts, a red hot flush overtaking your body.

“Tsk tsk, little one.” He soothed, taking a hand to yours and peeling it slowly away from your chest. “You need to show Mummy what you’re hiding.” He said softly. As you let him remove your hands, his eyes hungrily roamed your almost naked body. You held your breath as he sucked in a breath through his teeth. A pained expression on his face.

“What else have you been keeping secret?’ He leaned his mouth against your neck, making you shudder.

“N-nothing.” Your voice trembled. Lee Know’s energy felt so intoxicating.

“Don’t fucking lie to me.” His voice deep in your ear, his fingers resting on your hips.

“I-I’m not.” You repeat he dug his fingers hard into your flesh.

“I’m going to have to check for myself, then.” He whispered. He slid his hand all the way down your body and slipped a finger between your lips, exploring, checking. You closed your eyes. You knew you were absolutely soaked. There was no way to deny it.

“I knew it. You were hiding something from Mummy, after all.” He smirked. “I saw the way you were looking at me earlier. Yet you said you weren’t hiding anything from me.” He shoved a finger into your pussy without warning, making you cry out and throw your head back.

“I’m sorry.” You panted. You were alarmed at the wet noises that were already coming from your cunt as Lee Know started to finger fuck you.

“Sorry who?” He snarled.

“Ahh… Sorry, Mummy.” You cried.

“Sorry for what?” He demanded, thrusting into your spongy wall.

“Sorry I was hiding it.” You said, whimpering now.

“Hiding what.” Oh god you were almost there already.

“That I want you to fuck me.” Your hand flung over you mouth. What the fuck did you just say? How did he just get you to say that?

“Why do you want Mummy to fuck you?” There was genuine curiosity behind is eyes. His fingers stilled inside you while he waited for your to respond.

“Because you’re just so pretty…and soft. Delicate, even. Makes me want to taste your lips.” You whimper, almost in tears because he had stopped fingering you when you were so close to climaxing.

“Let me make it clear, I’m far from pretty, or soft, or delicate.” Minho spat and raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. He didn’t like that you thought he was soft. You needed to be taught just how punishing, brutal, satisfying he could be. He smashed down hard on your mouth. His sticky lip gloss mixing with your bright red lipstick.

His tongue pushed it’s way into your mouth and you took it willingly, letting it explore your own tongue, taking up space inside your mouth. His kiss letting you know how much he wanted to be inside your body, and what it felt like to have him possess you.

You pulled away. “You’re wrong, Mummy. I bet your cock’s pretty… ” You whispered.

“On your knees. Now.” He growled. “Mummy needs to punish you for hiding things.”

You immediately sunk to your knees and Lee Know pulled your dress off completely, leaving you on in just your tiny purple, soaking, satin thong. You were shaking with anticipation and arousal as your fingers gripped the hem of his skirt. You slowly gathered the delicate fabric, lifting it up… up… up. Slowly revealing his strong, toned thighs. You gulped. You were almost there. Almost at the top of his legs. Just another inch, and there it was. The most mouthwatering cock you had ever seen. Your eyes widened.

The sight was positively obscene. He looked so soft and delicate in his wig, makeup and layers of pretty fabric. But underneath his skirt he was rock hard, veins bulging, pre-cum oozing from the tip. His angry erection eager and ready to tear up a pussy or a mouth. Your mouth. Right now.

Lee know took the skirt from your hands, bunching it up and holding it behind his back so that his view of you wasn’t obstructed. His other hand rested above you on the door.

You kept your eyes on him as you slowly dragged your fingernails up his thighs, noticing his eyes close momentarily as he shuddered through an exhale. He was trying to hide the anticipation and pure lust that ran through his veins. You wrapped your fingers around the base of his cock, pointing it towards you. You leaned in and kissed the tip then smeared the pre-cum over your lips. “Fuck, baby girl. Stop teasing.” He panted when your tongue poked out and licked the tip. Despite your cunt begging you to throw him on the bed and demand he fuck the living shit out of you, you wanted to take your time pleasuring him with your mouth. Lee Know stayed as still as possible, using all his willpower not tear up your throat with his cock as you continued to take it slow.

You licked his shaft from base to tip, you tongue exploring the ridges of his veins that ran along the length. You lifted his cock towards his stomach so you could take his balls in your mouth, suckling them, humming on them. “F-fuckkk!” Lee Know hissed. You could feel his legs shake slightly, faltering just the slightest bit. And then you wrapped your lips around the head of his dick and sunk down as far as you could in one fluid motion. Lee Know whimpered and you purred at how good it felt to have him in your mouth.

You sped up your movements as your head bobbed up and down along his cock, taking more and more of him into the back of your throat. Saliva began to drip down your hand that was working the remaining length you couldn’t quite take. You wanted to take him entirely and tears sprang from your eyes as you gagged around him. “So fucking perfect…mmmm….so slutty…..slutty little girl just wants cock, hmm? So pretty, so dirty with Mummy’s cock rammed down her throat.” Filthy words spilled from his mouth.

Looking down at you endearingly, he reached down and grasped your jaw, forcing it open in the most careful and gentle way. You locked eyes on him as he slowly withdrew his cock, holding your jaw still, sighing as more and more of it emerged from your mouth dripping in saliva. He was almost the whole way out, and your cunt clenched in anticipation to be filled, but Lee Know simply sunk back into your mouth again with a low groan. He pushed himself all the way in, pressing the back of your head towards him as he pushed his hips forward. You couldn’t breath for a good thirty seconds. Then he eased out enough for you to take a breath. You had to be quick though, because he was back down your throat without warning.

Tears ran down your face as your air supply was repeatedly cut off, but never longer than you could handle. The head of his cock making you gag, causing your eyes to water even more.

“So messy for me.” Lee know murmured, smearing your mascara further down your cheek with his thumb. “You look like a little slut, the way you take all of me in like that.” Lee know started fuck your face faster now, your hands gripping onto his perfect dancer’s thighs so you wouldn’t get knocked backwards. Not that you really could be knocked backwards with his hand holding you so firmly against his pelvis on every thrust.

All you could think about was how much you needed this cock inside another hole. Any of them. All of them! You wanted Lee Know to fill you up in every way.

“Fuck! You feel so good. Such a good fucking girl.” He grunted. Good girl. Oh god you needed him to fuck you. You were more than ready. You reached down to your drenched panties, pushing the fabric aside and started to rub your clit frantically. You needed the release. You needed to fucking come!

Lee know pulled your head back by your hair, pulling his cock out of your mouth. “On the bed right fucking now.” He demanded, pulling you up and pushing you down on the bed. “Head down, ass up. Let me get a good look at you.” He gripped one of your ass cheek, the jiggle eliciting a low growl from him. “If you turn your head the other way you’ll be in for a treat.” He whispered peeling your panties down your thighs.

You lifted your mascara stained cheek off the mattress and turned to rest your other cheek on the bed. You were staring directly into a full length mirror, and you were just in time to watch Lee Know approach you from behind.

With one hand holding his skirt out of the way and the other around his length, he lined himself up to your slick entrance, but didn’t penetrate you just yet. He teased you a moment longer by dragging his tip through your dripping lips from the entrance to your clit. Your legs were already trembling from the sheer desperation of needing to be speared by his cock. And you could see it all unfolding in the reflection of the mirror. The moment Lee know’s hips pushed forward. The moment the tip pushed passed your entrance making you gasp at both the visual and the actual sensation of him stretching you open. You saw the furrowed brow and then the look of relief on his face as he sunk further into your cunt. You saw him flick his long hair over his shoulder and then grip your hip as he began to thrust into you fully.

“So tight… your cunt feels so fucking tight.” He mumbled, losing himself immediately.

“Am I wet, Mummy?” You choked. You caught him smirk at your desperation for praise.

“Mmm… absolutely fucking soaking… listen carefully you can hear it… “

You could hear the squelching sounds filling the room but you wanted him to tell you. You wanted to hear him say dirty things.

“Is this what you wanted? Mummy to stuff your pussy full of cock?” He quickened his thrusts, the tip of his cock hitting you deep inside. “Answer me.” Me growled and slapped a hand down on your ass. You cried out at the sting. “Yes, M-mummy.” Lee Know slapped you again. “That’s it, you can scream… no one’s gonna hear you. No one will come and help you.” His words made your walls clench, the thought of being trapped in the room where no one could hear your screams, where Lee Know could do anything he desired, made the tension in you core tighten. You were going to come any moment.

“Fuck, your cunt is sucking me in… greedy, tight, little…grr.” He propped a foot up on the bed next to your leg to get a different, a deeper, angle. His deep, hard, brutal thrusts slamming directly against your cervix. Over and over and… “Fuckkk!!! Mummmy!!!! Ahhhh.” You cried out at full volume as you involuntarily clenched and relaxed around Lee Know’s cock. Your entire body convulsed and shook with what was easily one of the most intense orgasms you’ve ever had. Especially when your clitoris was practically untouched. After you came down, Lee Know pulled out abruptly and you collapsed on the bed, still shaking. You rolled onto your back and looked up at Lee Know, expecting him to be depositing his load on your body. But instead, you found him trying to calm his breath and slow his heart. His cock was screaming for release, but it seemed he didn’t want to come just yet. “Lee Know, let me take care of you.” You sat up, reaching for him.

He shook his head. “No, sweet kitten. Just give me a sec.” He panted as though he was in pain, and you were confused. He climbed up on the bed and laid on his back, his head resting on the pillows.

He reached out for you with his hand. “Come ride me…please.” He ushered you over to him, desperation on his face. He had just fucking edged himself.

You kicked off your panties entirely and climbed up to straddle him. He looked a mess. His wig slightly askew, his own mascara running down his cheeks, your red lipstick smeared across his lower lip. He looked perfectly fucked up. You bit on your lower lip as you sank over his cock, drawing a sharp a hiss from his mouth. “So tight.” He mumbled under his breath. “So fucking wet.” He closed his eyes and let his head fall back onto the pillow. His hands found purchase on your hips as you rolled your them, grinding against him. You moved slowly, your clit pressing against his hard lower abdomen.

“Open your eyes, Mummy. Look at me. Watch me. Am I doing good?” You purred. Lee Know opened his eyes. They were blown out, hazy with lust and the need to climax. Yet there was also a kindness and a softness to them.

“You’re doing so good, little one. So fucking perfect.” He smiled. “I need you to make Mummy come now. Good girl. Yes like that.” He praised you as you moved a little faster. Lee Know’s cock filled you so well. Stretching you perfectly. Touching the deepest parts of you. “You really do have a pretty cock, you know? Need you to fill me up with your cum now. Need it deep inside my pussy.” You were losing yourself as well as another orgasm was building. You looked down at the man underneath you, reaching down and playing with the little tie on his jacket and then reaching up to cup his cheek. He pulled you down onto him, taking your mouth with his, finding your tongue, climbing inside of you. Possessing you completely.

Something inside him snapped, and with his hands digging into your hips he began to pound into you brutally from underneath you. Loud whimpers jolting out of you from the force behind his hips. He brought a thumb to your clit, circling it as he knocked the breath out of you time and time again. “Come with me.” It wasn’t quite a demand, it was more of a plea.

“Come in me. Fill me up…please.” You plead in return as your orgasm hit. Electricity shot through your body and out your fingers and toes, and you clamped down hard around Lee know’s cock. “Oh fucking Go—” you cried at the top of your lungs.

“Fuckkkk!!!” Lee know growled as hips hips faltered and you felt his hot seed spurt deep inside of you. His orgasm seemed to last an eternity, and you knew there was so much cum, you could feel it coating your insides. It was already starting to leak out around the base of his cock.

After a few moments you pulled off him, flinging yourself on the bed next to him. You were both still panting, trying to catch your breath. Trying to process what had just happened.

“Fuck that was amazing!” Lee Know stated. “I didn’t expect to be so into that.”

You rolled onto your side and looked at him. “What, the Mummy thing or the cross dressing?” you asked.

“Both.” He suddenly looked nervous. You leaned down and kissed him slow and deep. “Me either.” You admitted.

“Hey,” he pushed a strand of hair out of your face. “Let’s go take a shower, and then I’ll show you what Daddy can do to you.” He whispered deviously.

@noellllslut @kangnina @weareapackofstrays @channieandhisgoonsquad @queenmea604

[kingkat12]

so... this is the deleted original ending to the first chapter of seven minutes in heaven. made centuries ago. enjoy!!

(it sorta starts in the middle of the closet scene, so here goes nothing)

WARNINGS: SMUT! SMUT! ROMAN BEING AN ASSHOLE! mind control powers being used for BAD bad bad BAD things!! implied mind control during sex so is it dub-con?, dark!Roman, not-so-happy-ending

word count: 1,811

a/n: there was a reason this version was scrapped... it felt too dark and not fun and urgh i'm simply posting this as an ancient artifact lol. it might suck as i wrote this back in august, but oh well!!!

(Roman is NOT a feminist in this one, so... irony<333 generalizing cunt)

 "And I reckon this is your first time playing?"

"Yeah," I mumbled, no longer meeting his gaze. I couldn't look at him, not right not, not when we were this close and alone. 

"So..." Roman ran his fingers through his hair, the usual smirk returning. "You know what usually happens in here, or...?"

I rolled my eyes; "I'm not an idiot,"

"I know," Roman's voice got lower, breathier, and he took a step closer. There wasn't much room for more steps, actually— it was getting rather cramped up at this point. "But if there's anything you've wanted to try out, now's the time."

My breath hitched, hoping the thumping of my heart wasn't audible to him. 

It was almost as though Roman could sense how nervous I was; he bent down a little, getting on my level before he whispered; "I won't tell Letha,"

Feeling his hot breath against my skin, how dangerously close he was, was almost too much for me. The way he said it made me even more conscious of what was happening; I hadn't even told Letha how crazy I was about Roman, and I knew she'd be against it.

However... I was being served my biggest dream on a platter. Maybe if I got this bit over with, my feelings would subside and go back to being purely hateful again? 

I mustered up the courage, letting out a shaky breath before I opened my mouth to speak; "Could you maybe... kiss me?" My words came out barely louder than a whisper. "I've just had a really shitty night."

Roman's expression remained unchanged. "I'm sorry to hear that,"

"... No, you're not,"

"Okay, you might be right," He let out a soft laugh against my lips, and my eyes quickly darted down to his hands to check if he wasn't holding a needle or no. That was when I knew my anxiety was through the roof. "So... you want a kiss? That's all?"

This was too nerve-wracking. I kept imagining that he would say no, that he would reject me somehow and make me the only girl at school he wouldn't want to do anything with— that would definitely make me hate him even more. In a flash moment of weakness (which I later blamed the alcohol for), I sighed; "Just... could you? Or am I asking for too much?"

Something about Roman's expression changed— he seemed to realize what it was that I was actually asking of him. Not to make out, not to drown in one another, but the simplest of all things romance; affection. Something gentle, something sweet, just to check if he had a sliver of anything resembling that in his system. 

"You like me, don't you?" Roman whispered, nudging his nose against mine, eyes rounding out as he heard my breath hitch at the simple gesture. "This is what all of this has been about?"

I closed my eyes, revelling in the feeling. It was the smallest thing, yet it was a comfort in the midst of the conversation. "All of what?"

"Your anger," Roman let out a sigh, connecting our foreheads, closing his eyes as well. "You can't stand that you like me, can you?"

For some reason, I felt the urge to cry overcome me— I spent a few seconds pressing down the stream of tears that threatened to surface. Having someone say it out loud felt like a desperately needed release. "It's been a nightmare,"

Roman stilled, eventually letting out a hum which sent a shiver down my spine. "You know nothing about nightmares," he breathed against my lips. "If I tell Letha we fucked in here, you'll be living through your worst one."

I shouldn't have been so shocked— I should've expected this. I should've known that Roman would spin this around on me. I definitely knew he wouldn't reciprocate, but this? What was it, revenge? 

"I could make your every waking moment a living hell," he continued, his cold hands suddenly travelling up my body, gripping my waist with a grip I was afraid would bruise. "Letha would take my side, of course... Who else do you have but her, hm?"

I wanted to break out into tears, now grabbing at his hands. Almost panicked, I tried to get him off of me, but to no avail. "I'll leave you alone," I pleaded, finding his eyes.

"Nah, that's not what I want," I could see the sadistic satisfaction overcome him— I saw how he broke out into a wide grin at the sight of my glossy eyes. "How about we make a deal?"

Making a deal with the devil reincarnated? Very smart move, on my part. Fucking genius. "Okay?"

Roman hummed, his harsh grip around my waist releasing, allowing me to finally suck in a heave of air. Catching me off guard, he suddenly pressed his lips against my forehead with the softest touch I had ever felt— was he trying to throw me off course? 

"Start being nice..." Roman murmured, his now hands drawing soothing circles onto my back. "And I will reward you."

I let out a shaky breath; I was thankful that the agreement didn't involve any needles. "... That's all?"

"That's all," Roman echoed, pulling away to watch my expression. "You and your mouth have been making my life hell, do you know that? So if you can calm the fuck down, we could both get what we want. How does that sounds?"

I wasn't completely sold. "And what is it that you think I want?"

Roman's eyes darkened; he knew he had won. "Me," 

Oh, how I hated him. I hated him, and I knew I always would. But as his lips ghosted over mine, seconds away from touching, I didn't stand a chance anymore when the following words sounded past his plush lips; "I have a feeling I might have to put you in your place a little, hm? Maybe you'd even want that? Because honestly, I know girls like you... You fight until your last breath, then you're completely in denial, and then you'll fall apart the minute you get what you've always wanted,"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Was this... me? 

"And you've always wanted to be one of my girls, haven't you?" Roman leaned down, pressing a deadly soft kiss against my cheek which nearly took my breath away; I could feel him smirk against my skin. "Or maybe... the only one?"

At this point, I felt so broken down that I gave in to a nod. 

Roman's hand slowly ghosted up my body until his fingers gently wrapped around my neck, holding me in place, almost as though he feared I would run; "I can arrange that, y'know?"

This conversation had unlocked a deep, dark part of me that I didn't know I had— like this, completely at his mercy, I had a feeling I was made to be his. Brainwashed. That I was put on this earth to find him and be with him, and that we were destined to be together. It made me feel so weak and pathetic that my lower lip eventually gave in to a quiver, feeling a sob build.

Roman let go of my neck, stroking his fingers through my hair. "Shh, no need for that... You're fine, you're okay. It's just me."

Just me. Just Roman. He who that had haunted my dreams for months, the only one I could think of when I got myself off, and the one I had been longing for from afar for so long that it turned into burning hate. 

Roman must've felt like he was done torturing me, finally meeting my lips with the most gentle kiss I had ever shared. This was all I had ever wanted— he was right. My heart beat hard in my chest as I let myself melt against his dangerously soft lips. 

I wanted to be his, no matter the cost. No matter what happened or what I had to sacrifice. 

I loved Roman Godfrey.

... and I was sure of it now.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

Yes— This was right.

Of course. 

I loved him. 

I loved him, I loved him, God, how I loved him. With every fibre of my being, I loved him. 

I loved the feeling of his body against mine, corrupting my mind until I was nothing but mindless. A small part of me also loved that it was our little secret, and ours only. 

Letha didn't have a clue, of course— I had kept my act up quite well when I was around her. I had kept it up around everyone else as well, but the anger that was ravaging through my system, the hate that was burning me up from inside was currently being mended by one thing and one thing only;

"A-Aah—"

My fingers tangled into Roman's hair, feeling his bruising grip around my hips tighten as he fucked me into my mattress. I let out a small cry, feeling my legs starting to go numb after how long they had been thrown over his broad shoulders. Deep down, I didn't care— nothing could put out the angry fire in my soul like Roman did. Nothing was a better remedy than feeling his cock inside me, no matter what, when, or where.

I let out a gasp as Roman shifted, pulling me into his lap with ease. I couldn't feel my legs now, and I had a sense that he knew— he barely had to put any strength into moving me around, especially with how he was towering over me in general. 

I let out a gasp as he sunk me down on his length, and I gripped his shoulders with a short squeak for support. Heavy breaths escaped my parted lips as I clung to him, whimpering at the feeling of his thick cock stroking my insides. 

Roman seemed beyond content, gazing up at me with half-lidded eyes. He revelled in the sight of how ruined I was before he attached his soft lips to my collarbone to bring forth a hickey, humming. That was the one place we both knew Letha wouldn't see it, after all. 

It was impossible not to submit to the devil reincarnated when sex could feel this good with him. It didn't matter that I had practically sold my soul for this, because every second, every stroke of his cock, was worth it. 

"You're heaven," he murmured, lifting my hips and pushing himself further into me, taking more control. "You feel so... shit, this is heaven—"

Ironic.

And just as I felt my climax approaching, flashes of thoughts I had suppressed came crashing forward. No matter how nice all of this felt, I couldn't help but wonder how I had even agreed to any of this in the first place. But it wasn't like he had mind control powers, right? It wasn't like this was some sadistic ploy to seek revenge against all the times I had been a complete and utter bitch to him.

No— it couldn't be. Don't be ridiculous.

... Right?

[scientia-rex]

Hysteria isn't a fucking thing

ok fun fact: I'm rapidly becoming a cult favorite doctor among our local privileged elderly white ladies, which I have mixed feelings about, but the #1 reason is that I just don't leap to "anxiety" as an explanation for symptoms unless the patient tells me "I am anxious, and then I feel these symptoms, and when I am not anxious, I don't feel these symptoms."

The sheer number of women I've seen who've been told for years to decades that the only thing wrong with them is anxiety is fucking staggering, in this Year Of Our Lord 2023, and I just keep digging. We checked a basic lab panel, sure. CBC. No anemia. CMP. Kidneys are fine. (Electrolytes are basically always going to be fine if someone is well enough to walk into my office under their own power to talk to me. Exception is mild chronic hyponatremia.) And we check thyroid. TSH and free T4. We check blood sugar. A1c, if the fasting is a little weird. Fasting insulin, if I'm still suspicious. We check cortisol. Inflammatory markers--ESR and CRP.

And eventually, if the symptoms support it, or right away, depending on my level of suspicion, we check rheumatological labs for abnormal autoimmune function. Anti-nuclear antibody. Rheumatoid factor. There's at least a dozen you can check, and which ones you should check is always a matter of debate and also of expertise that I 100% lack. We are out in the sticks. There are no "local" rheumatologists for me to send people to.

But a couple of weeks ago I found a woman--she has bipolar disorder and has been told for decades that's all that's wrong with her--who has an anti-centromere antibody titer that's fucking through the roof. I found an anxious 19-year-old with an ANA of 1:1380. And yesterday I found out why a sweet elderly woman I've seen for a year or two now started feeling crappy months ago: her rheumatoid factor is over 90.

Rheumatological disorders are always difficult. Our understanding of them varies from "pretty good, actually, and here are useful treatments" to "Well I Guess That Exists." Labs aren't always a slam-dunk and even labs plus symptoms can give you misleading impressions. Your immune system can decide that virtually any short chunk of protein is an enemy, and the problem with that is that your body is made up of many, many, many short chunks of proteins, so the odds that you'll develop some kind of antibody against yourself just keeps going up over your lifetime. Immune disorders tend to travel in packs; there's a clear genetic element to it, so the more first-degree relatives (parent, sibling, child) you have with any kind of autoimmune disorder (including Type 1 diabetes), the higher your risk of any kind of autoimmune disorder is, and if you already have one autoimmune disorder, you're at higher risk for developing another one.

But I think it's precisely because they're difficult that a lot of mainstream primary care prefers to pretend they don't exist, rather than try to sift through the utter fucking mess that is Mixed Connective Tissue Disorders, a title that has fallen out of favor since I learned it in my third year of med school. And women are at higher risk for autoimmune disorders than men. And older women are at higher risk than younger women.

So if I, as a family doc, just keep digging, just keep poking at the tangled knot of symptoms, there's a decent chance I will uncover something interesting. Hopefully something treatable. Sometimes we have nothing to treat with, and I just get to offer someone more understanding of their disorder, which feels pretty paltry but is better than the casual dismissal of "You're just anxious."

Never, ever, ever take anxiety as a diagnosis for a symptom other than anxiety. Not even as a rule-out. Keep those symptoms as an open question mark on the patient. Don't say "anxiety" just so you can close the door. And damn sure don't do it to women.

I'm actively working on learning more so I can be more helpful, in our Rheum-less community, so if you have good lectures or books, please drop me a lead.

[m-jelly]

Hello again jelly👋!! I saw you said you have watch x-men and deadpool and Wolverine. so I have an idea for Levi x reader one-shot. So the reader is like wolverine sha has adamantium claws and healing ability basically heal herself, maybe a little Savage attitude, but she is caring to the younger Cadets, so anyway in the story, Levi, hange and erwin they heard criminal Underground but they also heard this person is a mutant so they went to the Underground to convince the reader to join...

Pain and claws.

Levi x fem reader

Canon world, x-men inspired, mutants,

The scouts aim to recruit you for your abilities and remove you from the underground city.

"Focus." Erwin fixed his uniform. "This one is a bit different from Levi."

Levi frowned. "Tch, how?"

Hange adjusted her goggles. "She has claws."

"Claws?"

Erwin walked to the top of the stairs and looked out at the underground. "She can heal rather fast, " he said, adjusting his gear. "Let's move out."

The three of them flew across the city. As they flew Levi couldn't stop thinking about the past. The city still stank like it did before and the people looked rotten and wicked. It brought him no joy to be back and the sooner he found you, the better. He didn't know who you were, he'd never heard of you before and never saw you around the city.

After flying for a bit they saw you in a courtyard with a few thugs around you. The three of them landed on a roof and watched for a bit, they wanted to see what you could do. Erwin was interested in your skills and Hanges was fascinated by you.

Levi panicked when he saw you get punched then another man stabbed you. "Shit!" He flew down to the rescue. "Tch, damn fuckers!"

You spat out blood and smirked. "I'm gonna make this hurt real bad" You punched up and rammed your claws up and through the bottom of your attacker's jaw. "Was that as good for you as it was for me, sweetheart?" You yanked the claws out before twisting and cutting another attacker's hand off. "I warned you all!"

"H-How is she not dead?" one gulped with fear. "You stabbed her!"

"Why don't you stab me some more and we can work things out together, huh?"

Levi stood between you and the men. "Tch, save it for later."

You pouted a little. "Oh look, it's the fucking scouts here to save the day. I don't need you."

He glanced back at you. "You wanna get out of this shithole, then work with me."

You growled. "Fine. Let's work together pretty boy."

Levi's cheeks burned. "Pretty boy?"

While Levi was in a daze, you raced ahead and slashed your way through the surrounding gang. It wasn't long after you fought them that Levi started cutting through them like they were nothing. Both of you worked seamlessly together like you were connected on a special level. It was clear that the two of you and unique abilities as a result of experiments on your families.

When the battle was over, you quickly moved through the city with your new friend until you were at the exit. Seeing the three of them leave filled you with anxiety. Your life had always been this city underground, but now you were being led outside it was confusing and scary.

Levi turned to you. "It's okay."

Your shoulders dropped. "How do you know?"

"I'm from the underground city. I was pulled out and now I live and work above."

You stared at him, your eyes searching for a trace of a lie but found only the truth. "I'll go, but..."

Levi liked to be clean and he knew your hands were covered in blood from the men you hurt, but he knew you needed support. As he gazed at you, this strong woman, he saw the cracks that revealed the pain and the hurt. To Levi, you were a beautiful and strong woman, but you were pained. For a moment, he felt his heart flutter in a way that it had never done before. He knew that in time something could blossom between the two of you and the way you were shying away a little, he could tell you felt something for him.

He offered his hand and pushed down his need to clean. "Take my hand. I'll be with you every step of the way."

"I..."

"It's Levi and I won't let anyone hurt you."

You gave your name and paused in thought. "You can't promise that you know? About not letting anyone hurt me. Humans hurt other humans because it's fun for them. They're the most cruel being there is."

Levi stepped down towards you. "They're shits, all of them are shits, but there are some good ones. Let me help you." He tilted his head. "Don't let others know, but I know what it's like to be scared and have everyone think you're this unstoppable monster. It's a lonely place, but now we have each other."

You reached over and grabbed his hand. "Okay, I'm with you."

He gave you a rare smile before pulling you up and out of the underground city. "Careful of your eyes."

It was painful at first, the light was just so blinding and your skin tingled, but with time your body started to adjust a little to the sun. A soft fabric caressed your skin and something was plopped on your head. You lifted your head a little as Levi stood before you adjusting his green scout cloak on you.

Levi wiggled the hood a little. "It's a lot."

You hummed. "I'll get it dirty and I got your hand dirty."

"I can wash. I like cleaning, so this is fine." He pulled back and sighed. "Better?"

You nodded. "You're doing too much for someone like me."

"I want to do more."

"Thank you."

Levi took your hand again and moved you towards his colleagues. "I'll care for her. She's strong like I am. I'll guide her."

Hange smirked. "Plus, you get a pretty view."

Levi went bright red. "Shut it four eyes!"

Erwin chuckled. "Welcome to the scouts." He softly smiled. "Levi seems rather taken with you." The two of you watched Hange and Levi fight a little. "He's a good man." He looked back at you when you offered your name. "Erwin and that's Hange. We'll take care of you, but I think Levi wants that as his full-time job. You two look good together."

You hugged yourself a little. "Mm."

"I look forward to seeing you in training. I think you'll be an exceptional member of the scouts and a good friend."

You smiled softly. "I hope that too."

Levi stormed over. "Hey, she's mine."

Erwin smiled. "That so?"

A blush returned to Levi's cheeks. "Y-Yes. Oi, brat? Or should I call you cat or kitten? You're like one."

You hummed a laugh. "Guess I am."

"Focus on me, not him. Now, let's get you home because you need a wash."

You smiled as Levi grabbed your hand again. "Yes, Levi."

@ladycheesington @levisbrat25 @nyxiieluna @li-anne @galactict3a @youre-ackermine @thebobaprincess @2moth-anon2 @cypidity @nbinairyn @bts-spnlvr12 @darkstarlight82 @emilyyyy-08 @levistealeaf @pelicanpizza @hideandgopeep @notgoodforlife @demonic-bird @searriously @anti-cupid @abiatackerman

[moutainrusing]

monsters

828 words, @wolfstarmicrofic

There were monsters under Remus’s bed.

Actually, there was only one monster.

It was him.

It was really confusing. Werewolves were only supposed to transform on full moons, so why the hell did he suddenly have claws and fangs in the middle of the day when the sun was shining in the noon sky?

He’d felt them coming up like vomit in his throat, awful and sickly, just as he was walking to the Great Hall for lunch, and he’d turned right back, ran to the dormitory, and flung himself under his bed. Then he’d flicked the door and the curtains shut with his wand, and locked himself up for the unforeseeable future, because his monster things were not disappearing.

He shook slightly, nerves twisting around his gut as his anxiety levels broke the roof. He curled into himself, then winced, because that was not a good idea. He pulled his claws away, letting them dangle loosely by his sides.

He decided to run through the catalogue in his mind to try solve the problem. Firstly, when was the next full moon? Two days, so pretty close. This could be a side-effect. Great. He’d just wait it out.

Or maybe not. Someone was pounding on the door.

“Why’s this locked? Who’s in there? Prongs? Moony? Wormtail?! Open the bloody door!” Sirius kicked the door then yelped. Remus snorted. Weakling.

Sirius resumed knocking with his fists. “I’ve deduced you’re Moony!” He yelled.

Remus raised a brow. How was Sirius so sure?

“Only Moons is the type to hide away and not answer!”

Remus was offended.

“Moonbitch, open the bloody door! I need to grab the map! I still haven’t gone to lunch! Wait, have you gone to lunch? Moony, you need to eat! Also, why’ve you locked yourself in?!”

“Sirius, shut up,” Remus groaned, rolling stiffly out from his hiding spot in a hiding spot to carefully nudge the map off his bedside table. It fluttered to the floor, and he grunted while trying to open it with his stupid claws.

“Moony!” Sirius cried. “You’re alive! Now open the door so I can see you.”

Remus snorted. “What, you need confirmation that I’m really alive?”

“Obviously. And hello, are you gonna open the door or do I have to break it down? And why’ve you spelled it against unlocking charms? What are you doing in there?”

“You ask too many questions,” Remus responded, finally charming the map open as an array of names proceeded to overwhelm his mind. “Now, why’d you want the map? I can help you.”

“…You’re not gonna let me in?”

“No, I’ll tell you what you want,” Remus got up and walked to the door.

Sirius drummed his fingers against the door. “You’re weird,” he said finally. “I need to add a new room to the map, so. Let me in.”

Remus narrowed his eyes. “There aren’t any undiscovered rooms.”

“Are too.”

“Nope. This map is my greatest accomplishment. It’s perfect.”

“I can make it more perfect.”

“Go eat.”

“Come with me.”

“Already eaten.”

“Liar. I can smell smoke.”

“Your sense of smell is fucked.”

Remus heard Sirius take a deep breath, and he rolled his eyes.

“I’ll have you know,” Sirius started pompously. “My sense of smell is highly developed. As a dog, I possess around three hundred million olfactory receptors in my nose—”

“Shut the fuck up, dog.”

“Let me in, wolf.”

Remus sighed, glancing down at his claws, poking his fangs with his tongue. “See, about that. I may be a partial wolf right now.”

“Wait, what?!”

Remus opened the door, and Sirius fell right through it, landing on the floor. He leapt up immediately, yelling, “Moony!” and moving to tackle Remus, which Remus side-stepped.

Sirius fell to the floor again. “Ow,” he grumbled. “What was that for?”

“Look up,” Remus held his claws above Sirius, who, to his credit, didn’t flinch. His eyes simply widened.

“Oh. That’s what you meant.”

Remus bared his teeth. “And this.”

“Shit. Can I…” Sirius got to his feet. He reached out for Remus’s claw and ran his fingers over the nails. “Hmm.” He then reached up and ran his fingers over Remus’s teeth. Remus swatted him away.

“What are you doing?!”

Sirius shrugged. “Maybe I can push them back in,” he grinned, before trying to do exactly that.

“Get off!”

“Okay, okay. So, what were you thinking when this happened?”

“What was I thinking? Oh, I dunno, probably that I’m a fucking werewolf and my life is shit because I’m a monster—”

Sirius narrowed his eyes. “That’s enough. Now, tell yourself that you’re not a monster.”

Remus snorted. “Okay. Nothing happened.”

Sirius whacked his head. “You gotta believe it, dickhead.”

Remus scowled. “I do believe it!”

“Really? Because, Moony, you’re not a monster.”

Remus was getting annoyed. “Okay, I’m not a monster!”

His fangs slid in, and his hands returned. He looked at them in shock.

Sirius laughed and grabbed one. “Off to lunch, champ.”

[doumadono]

Hi! Could I ask for an Emergency request please? Of course it’s only if you’re feeling up to it💖

I recently got drugged at a university function, nothing happened to me past that, but it was still unsettling and I don’t know who did it. I just reported it to the correct authorities, but my anxiety has been trough the roof. Do you think you could cook up some comfort with Bakugo? He’s tough but he protects those he cares about (of a bit clumsily worded at times).

Thank you, and I hope you are well and that the November darkness isn’t hitting too hard💖

A/N: I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you. It must be incredibly difficult. Please take care of yourself, and I hope things get better soon

EMERGENCY REQS MASTERLIST

The university atmosphere buzzed around you as you stumbled out of the lecture hall, feeling disoriented and anxious. It was the aftermath of an ordinary day, and yet, something wasn't right. Your steps were unsteady, your mind foggy, and a creeping unease clung to you.

Just as you were trying to make sense of the situation, Bakugo, your friend from UA which you graduated togerther, spotted you in your distressed state. His sharp gaze honed in on your uneasy demeanor, and without a second thought, he approached you. "Oi, what the hell happened to you, nerd?" Bakugo demanded, his voice laced with genuine concern.

You tried to offer a reassuring smile, but it faltered as the anxiety gripped you tighter. "I don't know, Katsuki. Something's off. I just feel… weird."

Bakugo's expression hardened. "Weird how? Did someone mess with you?"

You recounted the unsettling feeling of being drugged, and the subsequent anxiety that had settled in.

Bakugo's eyes narrowed as he listened, his fists clenching at the thought of someone harming you.

"I bought a coffee from a machine, and that's when it started. The symptoms, the disorientation," you explained, your voice shaky. "I mean, I left it in the lecture hall for two minutes because I needed to use the bathroom…"

Bakugo's protective instinct kicked in, and he gently rested a hand on your shoulder. "You should've told me sooner. Don't worry, I'm gonna handle this. But first, let's get you somewhere safe."

He led you to a quieter corner of the campus, away from prying eyes. You slumped against a wall, and Bakugo crouched down to your eye level. "You're okay, don't ya worry your pretty head about that. We'll figure out who did this, and they'll pay for it."

Tears welled up in your eyes as the weight of the situation hit you.

Bakugo, despite his gruff exterior, wrapped you in a comforting embrace. "Hey, none of this is your fault. Don't cry, silly."

As you cried into Bakugo's shoulder, he murmured reassuring words, promising to stand by your side. "I won't let anyone mess with you. I'll find out who did this, and they'll regret crossing us."

Eventually, your tears subsided, and Bakugo pulled back, his gaze softening. "We'll report this properly. I'll make sure they investigate every damn coffee machine in that place, as well as fucking everyone who entered that goddamn hall. No one hurts you and gets away with it, dammit."

You nodded, grateful for Bakugo's unwavering support. In that moment, despite the anxiety and fear, you felt a glimmer of strength - Bakugo had your back.

"I'm going to the provost's office. Stay here."

You nodded, anxiety gnawing at you as Bakugo disappeared down the corridor. The seconds felt like hours until, suddenly, his enraged screams echoed through the hallway, making your heart race. It was a sound that sent shivers down your spine, a ferocity reserved for those who dared to harm someone under his protection.

Time dragged on, each passing moment amplifying the tension in the air. The weight of uncertainty pressed on you until finally, Bakugo emerged, his expression a mix of fury and resolution. "They'll investigate the situation promptly," he declared, his voice steady despite the rage in his eyes. The promise of justice hung in the air as Bakugo stood by your side, a formidable guardian in the face of adversity.

Bakugo locked eyes with you, "No one, and I mean no fucking one, is going to mess with the future number one hero and his best friend. I'll make sure of that."

[wordsformurder]

Okay, mental health tip time. I usually don't, but this is important to me:

If you have mental health issues, depression, anxiety, whatever, play around with your diet.

I went gluten-free last year and not only did my chronic headaches go away, my energy levels go up and my skin clear up, but my depression also got like, significantly less problematic.

And two months ago I went histamine free because of respiratory issues and guys, my anxiety is gone. All of it. Just... Gone. Like it was never there. All of it. Like I flipped a fucking switch. My quality of life went through the roof.

So please, try out various diets. You might just have shitty food intolerances and no-one ever tells you about that because they're hard to clinically test for and half the people I talk to think they're made up anyway but they're not, I promise you.

Try it.

[lostinlewis]

Old Flame ~ Part Five

Rating: M

Words: 4532

Character: Lewis Hamilton x F!Reader

Description: You learnt so much from your first love but the most important lesson he taught you was how to deal with heartbreak, even if it takes you six years. You were almost there, you almost made it days at a time without thinking about him…that was until he turned up in the most unexpected of places. ~ Part One

Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck FUCK. He kept the ring. Why did he keep the ring? 

Your thoughts were in overdrive, your anxiety levels through the roof. The room was spinning as you tried so hard to be rational, something which was never your strong point.

Why did this have to be happening now? Things were actually starting to feel normal again and you had to find this?

Fuck. 

“What are you doing?” 

You almost jumped completely off of the bed at the sound of his voice filling the air all of a sudden. You were so wrapped up in the thoughts racing through your head you didn’t hear him arrive home. 

“I said, what are you doing?”

Lewis’ voice was cold, unemotional, the complete opposite to anything you felt right now. His face was like thunder, he wasn’t happy.

“I…was-I was just looking for a T-Shirt to wear and I found…this.” You held the box up like he hadn’t already noticed it. “Why-what is this doing here?” 

“You left it here.”

Lewis leant against the doorframe just observing you. He was doing nothing to help settle your anxiety, if anything he was feeding it. 

What was his problem? Was he annoyed with you for finding it?

“I know I left it here. Why have you still got it?” 

“To be honest, I don’t know. I picked it up from my pillow the morning I came home to find you gone, put it in the drawer and never took it back out again.” Lewis sat down on the bed next to you, the weight adjustment made you rise higher. “I kinda got used to seeing it there, I guess.” 

“Can we get rid of it, please?” You handed it to him with a screwed up face. “The sight of it is making me feel sick.” 

He took it from you and placed it in his pocket, letting out an audible sigh. 

“You know, at some point, what happened won’t hurt as much anymore right?” 

How could he possibly know that? It had been six years of pain, six years of your heart never quite repairing. Every attempt you had made so far at ‘getting over it’ was just a futile gesture, covering the cracks with cheap band aids that would fall off with the least amount of pressure. He couldn’t possibly know for sure that it would ever stop hurting, it hadn’t so far. 

“What was your news?”

The tension in the room was still ridiculously high. You hoped his news might lighten the  mood. 

“Don’t worry about it right now, that can wait.” He grabbed your hand to hold it in his, his thumb tenderly brushing your skin, his signature move for calming you. “Let’s go for a walk on the beach, we have plenty of time to talk later.” 

“But I want to know now.” 

He sighed and shook his head, his patience was wearing very thin today and what he didn’t need right now was your stubbornness. 

“Can you just leave it, please?” 

You wanted to know, but you knew better than to push him anymore. Something was bothering him, something was weighing heavy on his mind and you knew it was way more than the ring. 

-

Lewis had let you shower alone and that was telling enough that something wasn’t right with him, the silence as you walked across the almost empty beach hand in hand cemented it. You tried to find the perfect moment to ask him again but it was never quite there. 

“Still want to go home tomorrow?” Lewis broke the silence instead.

“I mean, I have to. I have work commitments. It’s not like I can stay here forever.” 

Lewis paused before speaking, every word he spoke that day was well thought out, with caution of saying the wrong thing.

“Well you could, if you really wanted to.” 

“Lewis, don’t start this again please. We’ve been back to-“ you stopped yourself before committing to a relationship with him. “We’ve been back in contact for a little under two months, I can’t just leave everything behind that I’ve built back home and move here for someone I have been seeing for only a few weeks.” 

“You talk like I’m a stranger.”

“But you are, Lewis. We are both strangers. We are not the same kids that fell in love all those years ago. We’re adults now, adults with completely separate lives who have to try and figure out how their lives could ever gel together again.” 

“I don’t have to figure anything out. I want to be with you, no one or nothing else even comes close to making me feel like you do.” 

“Lewis, stop-“ 

“No. I’m serious.” He stopped you both in your tracks and pulled you to face him. “I love you. I can’t take back the past but I can fix your future. I know now what it takes to love you the way you deserve, let me.” 

As you stared into his eyes you thought about the future, about your future being with Lewis and it wasn’t a bad thought. If you were completely honest, a future with Lewis in Monaco, regular beach walks, a life of pure luxury, felt like bliss. You weren't quite sure you were brave enough to take that risk, though. 

“Okay.” 

“Okay as in you want to make this work or okay as in stop talking Lewis?” He had the sweetest smile of anticipation on his face. 

“Okay as in I will go home tomorrow as planned, and we will talk about how we’re going to make ‘Us’ work.” 

“You said ‘Us’.” He pulled you in to kiss him, his hands placed firmly on your hips. “We’re going to work, I promise.” 

“I hope so.” You mumbled in between kisses. 

“Can I please take you home now? I’ve been wanting to fuck you all morning.” Lewis took your hand and placed it on his hardened bulge.

“What if I make you wait and instead we spend the day doing exactly what we used to do, seeing as it’s my last day here and all?” 

He let out a little groan at the thought of having to wait. 

“If I remember correctly this was exactly how we started the day, every day.”

“It was. But our day has already started, so you will have to wait until nighttime.” 

“You are such a tease, baby. I don’t think I can wait.” 

You palmed his bulge a little.

“If you wait, I will make it worth your while.” He knew exactly what you meant by the smirk on your face. “Now let’s go and have some fun!” 

“I mean I was trying to…”

-

You both filled your day with as many activities as possible. As you walked around, hand in hand, admiring the architecture of the cathedral it really felt like you two were in love once again. It felt like you were two lovers away on their very first trip abroad, filling each moment of their day with sight seeing and fucking.

Lewis made you stop outside of every tourist destination you visited, he’d ask a random stranger to take a picture of you both, advising you that he needed to fill up his photo album, aptly titled with your name, so he could look at you even when you were away. He never once minded that it usually meant he’d have to then take a picture with the stranger, they were almost always a fan of his. It didn’t matter, it meant he had a picture with his girl outside of some of Monaco’s most beautiful venues, a photo with a fan was a fine sacrifice for that. 

You spent a few hours in the casino, Lewis had decided you were his lucky charm and weirdly enough it seemed to work. He made you kiss his fist full of dice before he threw them, beating the house more times than not, much to their annoyance. 

Your excited laughter drowned out the rest of the casino, you knew all eyes were on you both but neither one of you cared. It was always so easy to lose yourself in the moment with Lewis, that hadn’t changed that at all. You could be in a room full of people yet all you would see would be each other.

-

“This has been the best day I’ve had in such a long time.” 

Lewis purred in your ear as you both stood in a quiet secluded spot overlooking the harbour as the sunset in the distance. His arms were wrapped around you from behind, his hands locked into yours at your stomach, your head rested back against his chest as you both savoured the moment of peace together.

The scenery was truly beautiful, the electricity that sparked between the both of you was even more so.

“Me too.” 

It honestly was, you couldn’t remember a time that felt more peaceful than this moment right here. 

“I wish you didn’t have to go.”

He whispered as he placed a gentle kiss on the crook of your neck. 

“Lewis, we spoke about this already.” 

“I know but I still don’t want you to leave me. I want you by my side at all times, everywhere I go.” Soft wet kisses danced on the neck of your skin between every word. “Don’t argue, please. Let me tell you.” 

He spun you around to face him, his eyes darted around your face before settling to meet your own gaze. 

“I will never stop telling you how I feel. I made that mistake once, I took you for granted and I’ll never forgive myself for that.” 

His lips brushed over yours, his hands pulled your body into his before he hiked your thighs over his arms, placing you on the wall to rest.

You kissed, your lips in sync, your tongues fighting a battle for dominance, for what felt like a very long time. It felt like you were teenagers again, sneaking out of your respective houses to meet up at the local park just to kiss in secret. This time there were no parents to tell you to be home at a certain time, there was no one to stop either of you from doing exactly what you wanted and right now, this was it. 

“Let’s head home, I have a surprise for you.” 

As you walked back to the apartment, hand in hand, the heat at your core hoped his surprise was the thing he was the best at.

-

The apartment was lit with candles from the entrance, down the hallway and into the living room, leading out to the balcony where a table was laid with a single rose and a candle in the middle. The air was filled with the aroma of your favourite food, Thai. Lewis took your hand and led you through the candle lit pathway and out onto the balcony. 

“Lewis, this is so beautiful. Thank you, when did you do all of this?” 

He moved your seat out for you to sit down, like a true gentleman, before taking a seat himself opposite you. 

“I organised it whilst we were out. I had to make your last night here one to remember.” He poured you both a glass of Champagne. 

“The whole day has just been perfect, thank you.” You sipped on the glass, holding eye contact with him for a moment. “I remember we did this once before, for our anniversary. We spent the whole night on this balcony, making plans for our future, naming our kids-“

“I remember, you laid in my arms as we looked up at the stars and planned our whole lives.” 

The shared smile between you both felt like an understanding, a truce of sorts.

“I was going to wait until the end of the night to say this but now seems like the right time.” 

You watched as he took a huge gulp of his Champagne before reaching inside his pocket. 

“I’ve loved you forever, I will love you forever. I never want to be without you ever again and I will do everything in my power to make you stay with me.”

He had you completely transfixed with his words, you didn’t notice what he was doing at first. The moment you did, your stomach dropped. 

“Marry me, please.” He was down on one knee, flashing the ring he had proposed with years ago. “Let me be your husband.” 

You froze, not a single thought or word could be processed. You stared blankly at him, completely unaware that he needed you to respond. 

“Please?” The desperation was so apparent in his voice now, he all but begged you to answer. 

All you could do was shake your head, ever so slightly, no. 

Lewis sighed and stood up. He went to get back in his seat but something registered in his brain that made him turn back to you. 

“Do you know what? I am tired. I am tired of constantly apologising to you for one stupid mistake I made so long ago. I can’t do this anymore. I have tried so hard to make you remember the thousands of good memories we have together but your focus is always on the one bad.” He placed the box on the table in front of you. “I am done trying. Go home tomorrow and I’ll no longer burden you with the thought of me. Keep this as a souvenir.” 

The front door of the apartment slammed shut, waking you from your haze with a jolt. 

Fuck. 

-

You sat with your feet up on the chair he left you in, your arms wrapped around your legs as you stared into the distance. You sat for hours, listening for any creak of the door, a sign that he had come home. He never did. You didn’t sleep at all before morning broke over the horizon, the sounds of the birds singing their sweet song signified it was home time. 

It took no time at all to pack up your suitcase, as you looked around the apartment one last time from the doorway you felt an immense amount of sadness. You loved it, every single part of it signified your relationship of both the past and the present with your soul mate. You knew he was your soul mate, whether you could be with him or not, that fact would never change.

You checked your phone in the taxi, despite having it with you the whole night you hoped maybe you hadn’t noticed a missed call or a message, there was nothing. Your thumb hovered over his name in your contacts a few times, you were so tempted to call him, to say what? You didn’t know but you just wanted to hear his voice, it was the only thing that ever gave you comfort in your moments of sadness and despite the fact it was completely selfish of you, having broken his heart hours before, you needed him. 

A part of you hoped he would be waiting for you at the airport, to stop you from leaving with a big loving gesture, but he wasn’t. There was no call, no message, no him and it ate you up inside. 

“Mrs Hamilton…oh I’m sorry that’s not your name I just assumed-“ the check in clerk stumbled as they read who had booked your flight, an easy mistake to make but one that rattled you. 

“What did you call me?“

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have ass-“

“Call me it again. Please.” 

“Mrs Hamilton.” 

The realisation hit you like a tonne of bricks. Being referred to as ‘Mrs Hamilton’ had been one of your goals as a teenager as you stood at your window watching him begin his evening jog, you knew the exact time he would set off. You’d stand there timing his run, strategically placed behind your curtain so he wouldn’t spot you as you watched him return, all hot and sweaty. Lewis still never knew how many nights you’d get yourself off to the 30 second long imagery of him double over, trying to catch his breath. 

“Sorry, I’ve got to go.” You left your ticket on the check in desk before hurrying out of the airport, your suitcase dragging along behind you. 

-

You called him repeatedly and his phone went to voicemail every single time. Lewis always had his phone charged and in his hand, how was it possible that his phone would be off? 

“Lewis, where are you? I need to see you.” Your voice was a hurried mess, he would think something had happened to you when he heard it but you had no time to worry about that now. 

Monaco always felt so small when you lived there, like a village of sorts, where everyone knew everyone, but it had never felt bigger as you went from hotel to hotel, restaurant to restaurant trying to find Lewis. 

He was nowhere, his phone was still going to voicemail and your messages were undelivered. You debated contacting someone in his world, maybe another driver, maybe someone in the team but thought better of it. No one had heard from you in years, besides, you still were not quite sure what you were hoping to achieve when you eventually tracked Lewis down, you just knew you needed to see him. 

-

Four hours you searched, walking through the streets of Monte Carlo, dragging your suitcase behind you, your phone clutched permanently in your hand, not wanting to miss any kind of notification from him. His social media was dormant, no ‘Good Morning World’ Instagram story. He was quite literally M.I.A and you couldn’t help but worry. 

You walked until you physically could not walk any further, the ache in your legs and your feet was all too much, so you hailed a taxi down to take you back to the apartment, figuring you could rest there for a little while before getting back to searching for him.

There was just one problem though, you had no keys. The realisation hit you as you searched your bag outside of the door. You hadn’t had keys to the apartment since you left six years ago. You slumped against the door sliding down it until you were sitting on the floor. Overcome with a mixture of emotion and exhaustion, you held your face in your hands and sobbed silent tears. 

Maybe if you had been louder he would have found you sooner, but he found you nevertheless. It was hard to miss you, you fell back into the apartment and landed at his feet as he opened the door to head out.  

“What the-” Lewis was puzzled, the last thing he expected to be faced with when he was heading out the door was you. “Baby, what are you doing here?” 

He held your hands to pull you to your feet, he noted the smeared makeup, the mascara lines that decorated your cheeks. 

“What’s wrong? What happened?” He used both thumbs to wipe away your tears as he led you into the apartment, sitting you down next to him on the sofa.

“Lewis, I’m sorry I-” You cried some more, unable to get out any of the many sentences you had practised in your head as you walked the streets in search of him. “I looked everywhere for you, where were you?” 

“You did? Oh, Baby.” He pulled you into a hug, you buried your face into the crook of his neck. There was so much comfort found in his scent. “What is going on? I thought you left?” 

“I was-I almost did. But at the airport, the lady called me-” You sniffed. “She called me Mrs Hamilton and I couldn’t leave you.” 

You were fully aware that none of what you really wanted to say was coming out, the words that did escape made it almost impossible for Lewis to understand how you felt. 

“Baby, I do not know what is going through your mind right now but I’m here.” He fell back on the sofa, pulling you on top of him so he could hug you properly as he placed little soft kisses on your forehead. “You do not have to say anything, we can just lay here until you feel better.” 

You rubbed your face across his chest, the warmth of his body really felt like home.

“I’m sorry for what I said last night. I will never stop apologising.”

You propped yourself up on him to kiss his lips and as if by magic, the feel of his lips against yours, made all of your thoughts clear at once. 

“Marry me, Lewis.” You whispered into his mouth.

“What?” He had heard you, he just didn’t believe it. 

You jumped up and ran to your suitcase, searching through it like a maniac until you found the box. You ran back over to him and took his hand.

“Marry me, please. This is-no, you are everything I want. I am so rubbish with words but I love you, you are my soulmate, you are everything to me. You have been everything to me since I first met the boy next door and that will never change.” He nudged your chin up to kiss your lips but you broke away, you weren’t finished yet. “I love you more than anything or anybody else in this entire world. I want to be Mrs Hamilton.” 

You took the ring and attempted to place it on his ring finger, struggling to even get it past the first knuckle.

“It’ll never fit my finger, silly.” Lewis teased you. “Look at me.”

You stopped focusing on trying to get the ring on his finger, you looked up into his beautifully kind brown eyes. 

“Yes, I’ll marry you. Of course I’ll marry you.” He took the ring off of his finger and placed it on yours, it fit perfectly. “You should wear the ring.” 

Your smiles instantly mirrored each other, Lewis pulled you up from the position you knelt in front of him and you straddled his lap. Your lips met for the first time with so much weight of promise behind them. You had both just promised to be with each other forever, whilst having done this previously, this time it felt different. It was real. 

You kissed for a while, a long while, so wrapped up in each other, so desperate to be as close as possible but neither one of you wanted to tarnish the moment with anything other than a kiss. 

“I should tell my mum!” The excitement radiated through your voice as you reached for your phone. “This is like her dream come true!” 

“Babe, before you do that I need to talk to you.” Lewis’ tone of voice really cut through the harmonious atmosphere and sent an anxious prang to your stomach. “Don’t look like that, it is nothing to worry about.” 

“What is it? Tell me, please.” 

“My business meeting yesterday morning was with Mercedes.”

“Well obviously, Lewis.” You were impatient, you always were when you were anxious.

“Just let me finish, please.” You could see the pain in his eyes as he thought about how he would deliver whatever news he had for you. “I told them that I’m retiring at the end of this 

season.” 

“You’re what?!” Your eyes almost bulged out of your head as you processed the words he said. “Why?” 

“For you, silly.” 

“No, absolutely not. Do not do this for me, do not do it at all!” 

“Well it’s not your decision to make, and I’ve already spoken to Toto about it. It’s final, I’m retiring at the end of the season.” His voice was irritatingly calm as he spoke about ending the career he had fought so hard to have over practically his whole life. 

“But why, Lewis? Why now? Why for me? I haven’t asked you to do this.” 

This was a disaster, you knew he would end up resenting you forever if he did this, everyone would resent you. 

“Remember I always told you I didn’t want to settle down, get married, start a family whilst racing?” 

“Yes, and I completely understood that.” 

“That is still the case, I do not want to do those things whilst racing, it’s too dangerous. Before, I wasn’t ready or even sure I really wanted that life, the family life. Now we are back together, I have never been more sure about anything in my whole existence. This is what I want, I want you, I want some babies with you and I want a happy life. Racing has been everything to me for so long but it is far too much of a risk for what my heart now desires.” 

“We can wait a few years, Lewis. You are still in your prime.” 

“I don’t want to wait any longer. I want to start our life together as soon as possible, if I could leave now I absolutely would without a second thought.” 

“This is so overwhelming. We’re engaged, you’re retiring…are we crazy? This is happening so fast.” 

“I am crazy, every weekend when I step in that car I am crazy but this? This is the most sane thing I have ever done.”

You finally relaxed a little again, placing your head into the gap between his arm and his chest as he held you, both of you staring at the ceiling, running through your many thoughts. 

“Oh god.” You groaned. 

“What now?”

“I’m going to be the Yoko Ono of the Formula One world.” 

Lewis chuckled before kissing you on your forehead once again. 

“You are so silly. Do you really think people aren’t going to love you? Baby, there are still fan pages dedicated to you, to our relationship. Just wait until I post you on Instagram, we might just break the internet.” 

“Let’s do it!” 

“What, now?” 

“Yes, why wait? Let’s tell the world right now. This is the perfect time, no one can get to us, we are here in our apartment in Monaco with no real plans for the next week. Let’s tell everyone now.” 

“You said ‘Our apartment’” Lewis cooed. 

And so the world found out about your reunion, your engagement and Lewis’ retirement all within one Instagram post. The picture was of you both as you laid on the sofa, Lewis with the biggest smile on his face, his eyes crinkling confirming his happiness, you placing a kiss on his cheek with your arm wrapped tightly around his chest. 

‘I used to think I was placed on Earth to be the world’s greatest Formula One driver, turns out I was placed on this Earth to be her husband. This woman right here will be my wife soon, the mother to our children in the future and the sole reason for my eternal happiness. I love her and I know you will all love her too. Whilst I will no longer be a racing driver, I will never leave. I have so much purpose to fulfil, but this time I get to do it with the strongest woman beside me.’

[apoptoses]

A secret santa fic written for @kf-tea! Happy holidays, I hope you enjoy it ♥

“Daniel.”

“Hm?”

Daniel fishes in his coat pocket, feeling for a pack of cigarettes he swears he bought when they left the city. The heat is on inside the trans-am but it’s not enough to keep his toes from going numb in his boots, not even after being in the car for-

Two hours? Three? Daniel has lost count. He’s not even sure where they are now, they’ve been down so many suburban back roads; crawling through neighborhoods where all the houses look the same. Split level homes tossed up in the 60’s, half brick, half new fangled plastic ‘siding’. All of them strung with lights to some degree. Armand has had him driving in circles since the sun went down. What he’s looking for, Daniel doesn’t know. Doesn’t know if he cares, really. After seeing the fourth house strangled by candy colored lights they all start to look alike.

They could be home where it’s warm, listening to Bing Crosby on the record player. Could be baking cookies Armand can’t eat, could be horsing around in the snow one last time before this move to Miami Armand keeps muttering about. Could be doing something, anything they haven’t done together before, because fuck, how many more Decembers does Daniel have left and-

Daniel’s heart creeps up into his throat. Anxiety gets a choke hold on him, mingles with exhaustion and makes his fingers fidget on the wheel. He taps out an irritated tune.

If Armand notices he doesn’t give any sign. There’s no telltale tingle at the back of Daniel’s mind that he gets whenever he fishes through his thoughts. He’s too absorbed by the lights.

Or maybe he doesn’t care. The thought floats up in Daniel’s brain and causes his heart to dip down into his guts..

“Where the fuck did I put my smokes,” he mutters.

Beside him Armand stares out the windshield; auburn curls awash in red, then green, then yellow. The colors flood the hollows beneath his eyes, the dimple above his cupid’s bow. It makes him look innocent. Eerie. He blinks, slow and mechanical, and produces a pack of Camels from the pocket within his jacket without even looking down.

“You left them on the counter at the gas station,” Armand explains. “How do they work?”

Daniel mumbles a thanks and knocks a cigarette from the pack. He glances up at the lights, colors chasing each other round and round the roof, and shrugs.

“I dunno, I never really paid attention in science class when we got to the part about circuits and electric. Anyways, you’re older than the light bulb itself, you should be the one telling me,” Daniel says.

“I’m immortal, Daniel, not omnipotent.”

[AO3]

[ahmoseinarus]

Hey friend, just wanted to say please take care of yourself! I just looked, I've been reading your works since like fall 2010, and I don't think im the only one (you're great!) So please don't stress about a delay in dailies for whumptober! Sleep rocks! You rock! No pressure, no rush, promise! The social anxiety I'm feeling even sending you message without anon is through the roof. That's how important it is!

☺️. I appreciate that. I think one of the reasons I’m so fixated on it, is because it’s one of the sources of stress in my life that I can actually fucking do something about. I can push myself to exhaustion at work, and then come home, shower, get food, give a demanding Lord Purrcival his food and insulin, and then drive late into the night to write. Because then if I get each day posted, I’m victorious yet another day.

Nothing is going to change at work, no matter what I do right now. I can’t do anything about a death in the family yesterday, but wait for information or for someone to ask me for help. Lord Purrcival is not something I can just fix, he’s an ongoing thing and I just have to wait and see, but he’s doing better!

Right now, the daily Whumptober updates are the one thing I’ve latched onto in a really hard time as something to give myself some kind of sense of control when everything else feels so out of control. I know there’s no reasonable thought process behind my constant anxiety driving me to think “I need to do this, I was a Completionist last year, I can be a Completionist this year, and if I can do this,—“…. And that thought never gets finished.

Then what? If I can do this, then what? Hell if I know. I just know that I need to try. Each day I manage to succeed in getting the daily posting done, it makes me feel like I’ve succeeded in maintaining some level of control, and i can feel like there is somewhere that I’m not losing ground. So… it’s exhausting me, but it’s also one of the only things I have to hold onto right now to hold myself together.

[solhrafn]

Quantum Cellar — We've Got Plenty of Time

I've listened to my band's second record on the way to work and a lot of poignant details about its conception and inspirations jumped back right at me.

Compared to our first record, which was more of a mishmash of different styles we liked mixed with a try-hard attitude and obvious amateurism, the second record (an EP) is much more fleshed out and consistent. It's a post-rock meets prog-rock journey with a weird ambient dream or nightmare-like middle portion that firmly states that the whole thing is a concept album. It's also decently mixed, a crucial point the first album was lacking.

Download the whole album: https://www.jamendo.com/album/55525/we-ve-got-plenty-of-time

Conception-wise, I had the strongest hand in it. Not musically, but the soul of it, is pretty much 95% me in this case as I did the sampling on it, I had control over the themes. The whole middle portion was also from the get-go a musical recounting of a set of extremely vivid dreams I had. The EP's title is a sentence uttered to me by a character in one of those dreams.

It's been over 15 years yet the dream is still pretty vivid in me. I had sent an email to some friends about it but I've been unable to find it in my archives. I must've sent it from my professional email at the time, rookie mistake. I can still narrate the dream though, but maybe not in its finer details.

Though album's ambient middle section is inspired by different dreams, but only the last two tracks of that section are of real significance to me (tracks called "Escalation" and "We've Got Plenty Of Time") as these are inspired by a single dream which starts this way:

I'm finding myself at the bottom of a huge pyramid-like structure of gargantuan proportions (that makes it feel more like a kilometers-high sky-scrapper) with definite South-American aesthetics about it. At street level, I'm told by an eagle-headed man whom I know within the dream to be Lasse Hoile (Danish photographer and visual artist) to climb to find the answers to my questions. I start ascending until the ground disappears progressively under the clouds. A feeling of unease takes over me but I push on. The last part is climbed completely vertically. As I arrive on the top level, I find myself on an open terrace that blends Mayan feelings with Art Deco. There is a roof above me as I feel that the place is like a huge hall / temple made of huge stone pillars. A few hooded acolytes notice me as others are dragging a young girl who's screaming. The acolytes near to me seize me while the others throw the supplicating girl off a promontory. I'm dragged further down to another terrace where there are stone benches and on one of them sits the eagle-headed figure who I still know is Lasse Hoile. I'm made to sit on a bench opposite to him and the acolytes leave. Lasse's eagle eyes stare right through me as he utters : "Relax. It's only two PM. We've got plenty of time".

When I analyze this dream now, I come to the same conclusion as I did back then. This was a dream about time passing and my anxiety of becoming someone. Being successful. Being seen. As these were the "questions" I needed answer for in my dream and was following the eagle-headed character for in the street in the first place.

But if it was 2pm back in 2009, what the fuck is the time now?

I'm running out and nothing has changed.

[doulayogimama]

I wish I knew how to make jewelry, the sand here has so many beautiful gems!

I keep thinking, if we move to Miami to have our second kid there, I will spend all of my time trying to convince my mom + brother to move to BCN eventually 😅

I love walking cities. I love NYC but fucking hell you gotta be like a millionaire to survive there. Barcelona has the beach that you could swim in, it has the walking city aspect where you barely need a car, daycare / private school is affordable, she’d grow up knowing English + Spanish at a native level. The people here are different than Americans because you run into people from everywhere. She played with 2 Dutch kids on the beach this morning and now she’s playing with 2 Russian kids at the park. We’re speaking / hearing like 3 languages at any given time.

This sounds so dark, but if my step grandpa passes away first (he’s 89, my Mimi is 78 next month) I will make a fucking PowerPoint presentation to get them to move with us. My Mimi loves Barcelona / Spain and she has lots of friends here.

In the USA, my anxiety is through the roof in public spaces because even though it’s 1 in a million to get shot, I am just waiting for something to happen anywhere I go. There was a shooting on LI less than 2 years ago at the grocery store I frequent when Im there. And that’s NY, one of the strictest states for gun laws.

Having that weight off of my shoulders is huge. The food here is not poisoned by lobbyists that want you to pay up the ass for xyz meds. It’s just better in all the important ways.

I can bulk order beans and I can get my own dryer wherever we live (everyone hangs their laundry here and it’s very annoying but yay earth). There are recycling bins everywhere!!

I just need my family to follow me. At least some of them.

[hockeynoses]

baby, you burn so hot

Another Steddie sickfic!  This time with a fever. 🔥

Summary: Steve is coming down with the flu, but he’s in denial and is outside working on the house. Eddie has to haul his ass inside and make him stay in bed.

Warnings: 18+!  5k. There’s consensual fever fucking at the end of this. I dabbled and it turns out I’m into it. 😅

There’s not too much mess and no contagion, as Eddie has his flu shot. Not as much snz content as my usual, but it’s still there, for sure.

Notes: Two posts helped inspire this fic!  First, the snz + fighting post by sickromancer. And the ‘apologizing for their fever post’ by allthewhumpygoodness. 🙏 Title from that Ed She/eran song, which is a pretty kinky song, if you ask me.

---

It’s a chilly Saturday in November and the wind is sweeping through the trees, forcing the few leaves that are still on the branches to cling on for dear life.

“Why are you out here when you’re sick?” Eddie asks, brows furrowed and hands on his hips as he looks up at Steve precariously perched on a ladder, cleaning out the gutters. He’d gotten home from work and hadn’t even had time to take his jacket off before he found Steve out back.

“I’b dnot sick,” Steve says without looking away from his task.

Eddie levels him with an unimpressed look. “You looked like shit this morning, and you’ve been sneezing all day.”

“Id’s allergies.”

“You don’t get allergies in the fall.”

“B’aybe now I do,” Steve shrugs.

“You’re shivering,” Eddie narrows his eyes.

“Yeah, itd’s cold out,” Steve says. At least he’s wearing a jacket. A small consolation, Eddie thinks.

“And yet, you appear to be sweating,” Eddie gestures at him, incredulous.

“I’b fine, Eddie,” Steve insists, turning back toward the gutter. He continues scooping out the debris, jabbing at it in agitation.

Eddie throws his hands up in frustration, pacing in a circle as he tries to decide on a new method of attack. He sighs pointedly. “Do you really need to do this right now?”

“Id has to gedt done before the windter,” Steve says stubbornly, sniffling as he wipes his nose with the back of his hand.

“It can’t be that big of a deal that it’s worth risking your health for.” Eddie hopes the concern in his voice will help his case.

“It just dneeds to get done! So I’b doing id!” Steve motions curtly to the gutters clogged with leaves, one hand gripping the wrung of the ladder. Twisting away from Eddie, he buries his face in his elbow as a harsh, “ha-EHISSSHHHah!” racks his frame. Eddie hears the metal of the ladder rattle against the roof with the movement and his anxiety ratchets up another notch.

“Get your ass down here now before I come up there and make you,” says Eddie, his stern tone brooking no argument. Not knowing what else to do, he wraps a steadying hand around the side rail of the ladder for extra support.

“Fugk you, I kdnow whatd I’b doing,” Steve says. Before he has time to cover, he’s bombarded by a violent double, “hih’RRISSSHH! Heh’ESSSHOO!” spraying the air in front of him as his hands clench the top of the ladder. Blinking, he comes back to himself, looking dazed.

“You’re getting worse by the second!” says Eddie, anger and concern mixing in his voice. “If you pass out on me, I swear-”

“I’b dnot going to fuckigg pass out, Jesus. How pathedic do you thigk I amb?” Steve’s brows knit together as he swipes at his damp nose.

“I didn’t say that!” Eddie yells, scrubbing a hand down his face in frustration.

“I’b perfectly capable of-”

“Just come down, please,” Eddie begs.

“ihh…hih’ZZCHHUH!” Another full-bodied, scraping sneeze bursts from him and he pitches forward with it, causing the ladder to wobble.

Eddie grabs at his ankle ineffectually, adrenaline piercing through him. He’s too far down to be of any real help.

“Hey!” An indignant squawk from Steve.

“I’m just steadying you!”

Steve shoots him a disbelieving look. “I have to come down and grab the hose, okay? Don’t try anything stupid,” Steve says. Eddie glares at him.

“You’re one to talk…” Eddie says under his breath, ignoring the look Steve gives him in response.

Steve takes a couple steps down the ladder, glancing at the hose on the ground. Now his waist is about level with Eddie’s shoulders. His breath hitches before erupting in another wrenching double, “Hih’GISSHH’iew! Heh’RRISSHoo!” The ladder shakes precariously again.

“Alright, that’s it. You’re done.” Eddie swoops in to grapple him. Wrapping both arms around Steve’s thighs, he presses bodily into Steve, taking the man’s weight and holding tight to his legs so he has no choice but to fall over Eddie’s shoulder, hands braced on Eddie’s lower back for purchase.

“What the fuck! Put me down, asshole!” Steve shouts, pissed off and dizzy from the rush of blood to his head. He squirms against Eddie’s hold, but he’s weaker than usual and doesn’t actually want to hurt him or send them both toppling to the ground.

“No. We’re going inside.” Eddie’s strong arms heft him securely into place before trekking across the lawn toward their house. Steve’s hands fist in the back of Eddie’s shirt, face burning with humiliation.

“Fuck you!” comes Steve’s indignant yell as he feels Eddie plant a hand on his ass to keep him steady.

“Maybe when you’re feeling better,” says Eddie, walking up the steps to the back door and opening it with ease. “That can be your reward for being a good patient.”

“You’re such a jackass,” Steve says, the fight slowly seeping out of him.

“Mmhmm,” Eddie agrees, unbothered and preoccupied with the effort of lugging Steve to their bedroom.

“I’b dnot going to go along with this,” Steve says with a half-hearted kick of his foot.

���Well, we’ll just have to see, won’t we?” Eddie carries him into their room and gently deposits him on top of the down comforter. Steve immediately tries to get up and Eddie stops him by pressing a firm hand into his chest. “Stay there.” Eddie swings a knee over Steve so he’s straddling him, pinning him with his weight and a hand on each wrist.

“Fugking bmake bme, you dick.” Steve struggles against him, putting up about half the fight that Eddie knows he’s capable of. It’s still a lot of work to keep him down, but Eddie is stronger than he looks.

“You know, normally you saying that would be sexy, but right now you’re just pissing me off,” says Eddie, grunting with the effort of restraining him.

“Good!” is the best Steve’s fever-addled brain can come up with.

“I could always call Dustin and have him come over to guilt trip you. Maybe you’d actually listen to him. Or maybe he’d just annoy the shit out of you, and you’d deserve it.” Eddie looks down at Steve, curtains of black wavy hair framing his face.

“You better fuckigg dnot. I don’t wandt him over here right dnow,” Steve says, pink nose scrunching up in a futile sniffle.

“You don’t want him to see you sick?” Eddie accuses.

“I’b dnot talking to you anybore,” Steve says, arms still straining against his hold.

“As long as you stay in bed, I don’t care if you talk to me or not,” Eddie says, fed up. He can feel Steve start to give in, collapsing back onto the pillow with a huff. Steve winces in pain and Eddie immediately takes his hands off him as if burned. Judging from Steve’s continuing look of discomfort, it’s either a headache or a fresh wave of the fever worsening. Eddie is quick to let his knees take more of his weight to make sure he’s not crushing him.

“Is it your head?” Eddie asks, the anger draining from his voice and giving way to concern.

“Yeah…but…” Steve rubs a hand over his eyes.

“But what?” Eddie asks carefully.

“But everything else hurts too,” Steve finally relents. Now that he’s in bed, the exertion of the past hour is hitting him all at once, too raw to ignore. His head is throbbing, his bones ache, and there’s a persistent chill skittering across his skin.

“Okay…you’re gonna stay here, and I’m gonna get you some Tylenol,” Eddie’s tone is serious but soft. Steve doesn’t give a response, but he doesn’t protest either, so Eddie counts it as a win. Heading out of the room, Eddie pins Steve with a look that clearly says don’t you dare move.

After a few short minutes, he returns with the goods. “Figured these might come in handy.” Eddie wiggles the box of tissues in the air before he sets it down on the nightstand. Steve spares him a glance, having changed quickly into a hoodie and sweatpants. Eddie’s hopeful that means he’s going to cooperate. He sees Steve shiver, unable to hide it, and says, “Alright, get under the covers for me. We’re not doing things by halves today.”

Once Steve is sitting up in bed, his lower half ensconced snugly in the covers, Eddie hands him the glass of water and Tylenol. Watches as Steve dutifully swallows the pills and sets the glass on the nightstand.

“Happy?” A grumpy look clouds Steve’s features.

“Thrilled.” Eddie volleys with a sarcastic smile. “Now lay down, you’re tiring me out just looking at you.” Taking in his glazed eyes and flushed face, he can tell Steve is feeling worse with each passing moment.

He can’t hide the way he gingerly moves his body to lay completely under the covers, or the sheen of sweat that’s already soaking through the center of his shirt. Resigned to his fate, he lets Eddie fuss with the top of the covers, pulling them up tight around his neck.

Satisfied that he has him right where he wants him, Eddie presses the back of his hand to Steve’s forehead, then his neck.

“God you’re burning up,” Eddie says, his sigh heavy with worry.

“I’b sorry,” Steve croaks out, woozy and exhausted. There’s sweat on his brow, and he feels like the fever is starting to scramble his brain. His eyes are heavy when he looks up at Eddie.

The words go straight to Eddie’s heart. His defenses have always been weak when it comes to Steve. He stares back at the other man and brushes the sweat-soaked hair from his forehead, saying, “It’s okay, sweetheart. You don’t have to apologize for being sick.”

“…I’b sorry I yelled at you too,” Steve says, voice low. Eddie pauses, takes that in. He looks down at Steve softly.

“Apology accepted,” he says with a formal press of a hand over his heart and a bow of his head like he’s a character in one of his campaigns. “I know you weren’t feeling like yourself.” He reaches out to brush his hand against Steve’s cheek. “Next time just let me take care of you from the get-go.”

“I can’t bmake any probises,” Steve gives a tired smile.

“Sense of humor’s still intact, that’s a good sign,” Eddie quotes with a smirk. That gets a small laugh from Steve, sending him into a brief coughing fit which he smothers into his fist.

“I really did thigk I was just tired,” he says, once he gets his breath back. The concerned look that Eddie pierces him with is almost too much for him to bear.

“Even if you didn’t have a fever, you shouldn’t let yourself get that worn out. What did I tell you about overworking yourself?” Eddie asks as he rubs a hand along Steve’s arm.

“I kdnow,” Steve groans and buries half his face into the pillow. “I jusd hate beigg useless.”

“You’re not useless, Steve,” Eddie scoffs. “Everyone gets sick sometimes and you deserve a break.” The air is thick with Steve’s silence – his only response.

“Well,” Eddie starts, feeling adrift and needing something to focus on, “The Tylenol you took should help with your fever, but let’s check it just in case.” Reaching behind the box of tissues, he grabs the thermometer he had snuck in earlier.

“Is thadt necessary?” Steve asks, voice thick with congestion.

“I’m afraid so. Now, say ‘ahh.’” He’s being kind of a dick and he knows it, but Steve had him really worried earlier and he needs a little levity, so sue him. When he tries to put the thermometer in Steve’s mouth, Steve turns his head away resolutely. A put-upon frown teases the corners of Eddie’s mouth.

“You should know I’m being very good right now and decidedly not making a joke about doing this rectally.”

Steve groans, covering his face with his hands. “I hate you.”

“You love me.” Eddie flashes a shit-eating grin. Peeking through the gaps in his fingers, Steve narrows his eyes at him, humming noncommittally. Eddie realizes that’s probably the best he’s going to get, given the circumstances.

“Come on, be good for me, baby.” The teasing lilt in Eddie’s voice causes Steve’s flush to deepen in a way that has nothing to do with his fever.

“If it’ll make you shut up, fine.” Steve opens his mouth and Eddie gently settles the thermometer under his tongue. He glances at his watch - one of his favorite gifts that Steve has given him over the years - to time the 60 seconds needed for the temperature reading. There’s barely enough time for to him to settle in for the wait before he hears the telltale hitch of Steve’s breath. His face is scrunching up, eyes fluttering. His nostrils are flaring, pink and wet, as he fans at his face, trying desperately to hold back.

“Steve… don’t-” But he can’t prevent the inevitable. Eddie doesn’t want to try to grab the thermometer and injure Steve in the process, or get caught in the crossfire of some truly disgusting mess. He has no choice but to let it happen, leaning to the side of where he’s seated on the bed as Steve snaps forward, unleashing a violent sneeze- “uh…Hah-AHRRSSHOO!” that sprays the air in front of him, sending the thermometer and no small amount of mist flying through the air.

The thermometer lands on top of the duvet covering Steve’s feet. Eddie’s eyes dart from the device back up to Steve’s face in disbelief.  Head still buzzing from the outburst, Steve blinks blearily and sniffs at the mess that’s now running down his upper lip. “Ugh. I thigk I dneed a tissue.”

Reigning in his shock, Eddie snaps into action. “Yeah, for sure,” he says, plucking a few from the box and handing them over.

Steve gratefully buries his nose in them, the sound of his long, clearing blow filling the bedroom. The pressure having shifted in his sinuses, he feels another tickle building, until- “Huh...ha-ESSSHHH’IUE!” another gnarly-sounding sneeze is smothered into the destroyed tissue. He groans, catching his breath. Then, a miserable, “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. Here,” Eddie says, handing him some fresh tissues with a reassuring quirk of his lips. “I’m sorry you feel like shit.”

“Yeah, bme too.” After cleaning himself up, he sniffles to test that the persistent itch is finally gone. “Ogkay, I thigk we can try agaidn.”

“Okay.” Snatching the thermometer off the bed and thanking his lucky stars that he got that flu shot, he slowly places it back under Steve’s tongue. Seeing Steve’s lips parting so easily for him has his mind wandering, and he wills himself to think pure thoughts – to focus on the task at hand. He’s definitely going to some kind of special hell if he finds any of this hot.

“Alright, we only need to wait for one minute.” He glances at his watch again. With nothing left to do but wait, he turns his attention back to Steve. The flush on his face is…distracting, to say the least. The man is already gorgeous enough as it is. Steve senses the attention and meets his eyes. Eddie hopes he’s too out of it to catch him being mushy.

Needing to break the silence stretching out before them, Eddie says, “I should probably take advantage of this opportunity while I can. You being unable to talk back, and all.” Steve furrows his brow and flips him the bird. Eddie huffs out a laugh.

A few moments later, he checks his watch again. “Time’s up. Let’s see the damage.” Carefully grabbing the thermometer from Steve’s mouth, he reads the display. “101.5,” Eddie says with a tsking sound. “That’s not great, babe. I should at least get you a wet washcloth or something to cool you down a bit.”

“’kay,” comes Steve’s faint answer. It hasn’t escaped Eddie’s notice that his replies have been getting shorter and shorter. If he starts actually getting delirious, he’s going to have to call someone for help. Thankfully, it doesn’t seem like things are at that point yet; hopefully they can avoid it. He crosses his fingers that things will stay within the realm of his capability.

“I bet it’s the flu,” Eddie says, pointing at him with the thermometer before he sets it on the nightstand. “With a fever that high, and how fast it came on with your other symptoms. Plus, I got my flu shot through work because they had that thing, remember?  Which would explain why I didn’t get it.”

Steve glares at him and scrubs a finger under his nose, giving a productive sniff. “Good for you.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “At least now I can take care of you. Better that than having us both stuck in bed.”

Steve grumbles but doesn’t say anything to the contrary.

“I’ll be right back,” Eddie says. Steve just barely stops himself from reaching out before Eddie stands up. Eddie doesn’t know whether to be relieved or worried that he’s so readily accepting help now.

A few minutes later, he returns with a cool washcloth. Steve is dozing right where he left him, but he has a pained look on his face.

“Hey sweetheart, I’m gonna put this on your forehead, alright? It should help you feel a little better, at least,” Eddie says as he swipes the sweaty hair out of Steve’s face.

Steve turns toward him with a quiet, achy sound. Eddie places the cool cloth on his forehead and Steve is grateful for the momentary relief. Taking a deep breath, he focuses on the sensation and mumbles, “Mm… feels good.”

“We’re gonna get you feeling better; don’t worry, okay? I’ll be right here with you,” Eddie says, placing a hand over Steve’s heart. “You gotta tell me what you need, though. And be honest about how you’re feeling.”

“Uh huh.”

“And it would make me feel better if you ate something at some point,” Eddie says, deciding to press his luck.

“’m not hungry.” Steve’s so tired that it doesn’t even come out as bratty, just kind of pathetic, and it breaks Eddie’s heart.

“Tough shit,” Eddie jokes softly, giving a soft smile and lightly rubbing Steve’s chest. “I want you to try and eat anyway. Didn’t we just agree that listening to me was a good idea?”

“Yeah,” Steve says, too weak to argue.

“I’ll let you rest a bit while I go heat up some soup. You don’t even have to eat all of it if you don’t want to,” says Eddie. He starts to pull away to head into the kitchen when he feels Steve’s shaky grip around his forearm.

“Don’t go,” Steve says, his voice nearly a whisper.

“I’m not going anywhere, baby,” Eddie says, serious. The fever is making Steve emotional and he really doesn’t want to fuck it up. “I’ll just be down the hall for a few minutes to make us something, and then I’ll be back, and we can spend the rest of the night in bed.”

“Okay,” The answer seems to satisfy Steve, who curls on his side and buries his face into the pillow. “Thanks.”

“Of course,” Eddie says, readjusting the cloth on Steve’s head. “I’ll be right back.”

He heats the soup on the stove as quickly as he can, anxious about leaving Steve alone. When he returns to the bedroom with a bowl in each hand, Steve is dozing fitfully. It takes away some of the guilt Eddie has about waking him. Eating will help in the long run anyway; he doubts Steve has eaten in hours and low blood sugar always makes him restless.

Mind made up, he gently shakes Steve awake with a hand on his shoulder. Bleary, fever-bright eyes open and meet his. It takes a moment for Steve to register where he is.

Eddie has always worn his emotions on his sleeve, and he makes no attempt to conceal his love for the other man, looking down at him, his gaze warm and sweet as honey.

“There he is.”

Steve scrubs at his face and turns toward him. There are pillow marks on his cheek and Eddie has to tamp down the desire to kiss them.

“Here – sit up and have some soup,” Eddie says, setting the bowls on the nightstand. He stops short of actually helping him sit up, knowing Steve would hate it, settling for adjusting the pillow behind him instead.

“Just eat what you can. It’ll help you sleep,” he says as he hands Steve a bowl before crawling to sit under the covers beside him. “You don’t feel nauseous or anything, right?”

“I don’t think so…” Steve looks at the bowl in his hands warily.

“Okay, good! Dig in, then.” Eddie hopes his tone is encouraging. They eat, Steve manages to finish half his soup before handing it to Eddie and laying back down. Setting the dishes on the nightstand for later, Eddie grabs the book he’s currently working his way through and gets comfortable. He would offer to read out loud, but Steve is probably going to fall right back asleep and doesn’t need the distraction.

Warm arms snake around his lap as Steve scoots closer, burying his face in the side of Eddie’s hip. Eddie wraps his arm around Steve’s shoulders and gives his arm a squeeze. The fever is still burning through him, and a whine sneaks out of him as he rubs his hot forehead against Eddie’s side, squirming with discomfort. Eddie frowns, wishing he could do more. At this point, there’s nothing to do but wait it out.

“Thank you for staying,” the murmur is so quiet Eddie almost misses it. His chest goes warm.

“Of course, sweetheart.” He gives his arm another reassuring squeeze and feels Steve sigh into him. “Just rest now.” The rhythm of Steve’s breathing slows and evens out, interrupted every so often by a congested snuffle. Eddie watches him for a bit, heart full, then turns back to his book, happy to be here for him if he needs anything.

---

“You sure this is okay?” Eddie checks in again.

“Yeah,” Steve looks up at him, eyes glassy and fever-bright. “Distract me.” Make me forget how shitty I feel, he thinks through the fog currently burning through his brain.

He had woken up half an hour ago, feeling okay enough to refresh himself in the bathroom and have a snack. The exertion from just that had him achy and longing to lay down again, so here he was back in bed, furious with his own body. His skin felt tight and itchy. Torn between wanting to be sedated and wanting to shake out of his skin, he had turned to Eddie and caught the other man staring at him. Noticed how he turned away, guilty, when caught. Which is how they ended up in their current predicament, after Steve assured him many times that, yes, this is okay, yes, he wants to. Anything to take his mind of the fever twisting him into knots.

Eddie has his weight braced on his arms, resting on either side of Steve’s head. Steve is splayed out beneath him, sweating on top of the sheets. There’s a flush on his face that travels all the way down to his chest. Eddie wants to chase it with his tongue.

He settles between Steve’s legs, bending down to press a kiss to his hot forehead. Moves on to kiss the bridge of his nose, across his cheek and under his jaw. Leaning back, his hands travel down to Steve’s thighs, big hands splayed across the width of them, digging into the muscle there and pulling them up so they’re firm around Eddie’s waist. A gasp is forced from Steve’s throat at the feeling of their cocks sliding together through their sweatpants. Eddie curls forward and buries his face in Steve’s fever-warm neck, grinding his hips down against him and muffling a groan into his scorching skin.

One of his hands comes up, creeping underneath Steve’s shirt, palm wandering across his chest, feeling the slight sheen of sweat through the coarse hair there. Eddie trails searing kisses down the length of his neck, panting against the hot skin, their breath mingling. Eddie bites his clavicle as gently as he can stand.

“Fuck, you’re so hot like this, baby.” He thrusts his hips down again and Steve sucks in a breath through his open mouth, still unable to breathe through his nose. “No pun intended.”

Steve huffs a weak laugh and brings his hand up to cup the back of Eddie’s head, tightening his fingers in the dark curls. “God, you’re so corny,” he says as Eddie presses his face into the hot column of his throat again – his favorite place to be, licking a stripe up to the underside of his jaw.

“So pretty,” the rumble of Eddie’s voice is deep against his throat as he sucks a mark into that hidden spot that makes Steve go crazy. Steve’s eyes flutter shut as he arches his neck back at the sensation. Eddie moves again, his hips a slow grind, and Steve’s body bows underneath him of its own accord. Pain and pleasure vie for dominance, shorting out his brain in a rush of feeling.

Callused fingers cup his jaw and Eddie thumbs at his plush lower lip before diving in for a sweltering, open-mouthed kiss. Steve makes it several seconds before he has to pull back, unable to breathe through the congestion. Molten eyes gaze down at him, and he feels himself flushing even more, if that were possible. There’s sweat beading on his forehead, and Eddie sweeps his hand over it in a caress. Heat coils in his gut as Eddie uses that same hand to pull the waistbands of their pants down and grip them both, damp hand squeezing tight.

“So easy for me like this,” Eddie purrs as he strokes them both with languid ease. Steve thinks he might die. Looking up at the other man, he feels completely at his mercy. Trusts him to take care of him implicitly.

“Wanna be easy for you,” Steve scrapes out through the wave of fever and arousal fusing in his veins, as potent as any drug.

It’s like a punch to the gut and Eddie’s eyes clench shut as he jerks them both with purpose. Steve is so fucking pliant under him and it’s making him crazy; there’s no way he’s gonna last.

“Fuck, Steve-” Eddie’s sweating now too, his heart picking up in his chest. A keening sound tears out of Steve’s throat. He’s so fucking sensitive right now, Eddie thinks, enthralled. Anticipation buzzes under his skin - they’re both getting close.

Leaning down, he buries his face in Steve’s neck once more, oven-hot. Overtaken by a fit of possessiveness, he presses his teeth against the sweltering skin, reveling in the feeling for a heady moment before soothing it with his tongue.

“Come on, baby,” Eddie says, grazing kisses down Steve’s neck to his chest, “Want to make you feel good.”

“Please-” The myriad of sensations pulsing through Steve’s body build to a crest. All it takes is one more twist of Eddie’s hand around the both of them and he’s pushed over the edge, wave after wave of electric heat thrumming through him. He spills all over himself, come shooting up his belly and chest.

From above, Eddie watches him, mesmerized as he continues to stroke him through it. The sight of Steve covered in come proves to be too much for him. Pleasure crests and bursts through him, and he curls forward with a moan, his sweaty face framed by curtains of hair. His come arcs across Steve’s chest, their seed combining to make a proper mess of him. He looks thoroughly debauched. The contrast of their come against Steve’s flushed skin is one of the prettiest things he’s ever seen. Catching his breath, Eddie tries to commit it to memory.

“Fuck,” he pants, his brain still coming back online. “You’re fucking gorgeous.” Steve just smiles up at him and drags his fingers up and around the arm that Eddie has pressed into the sheets, bearing his weight. “Are you good?” Eddie asks.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Steve reassures him, the flush from both the orgasm and the fever indistinguishable. “I’m sticky, though.”

“Right, right.” Eddie blinks, coming out of his daze. He leans over to grab several tissues from the nearby box and cleans Steve up, Eddie’s body still nestled in between his legs. Once finished, he balls them up and tries to shoot them into the small trash bin they keep in their room, cursing when he misses by a mile. “Looks like I still need more lessons,” he says with a cheesy grin, the joke earning a tired chuckle from Steve. He loves making him laugh.

“Free lessons, anytime,” Steve promises, eyelids starting to droop.

“Hmm, maybe we sleep first, then lessons,” he says playfully. He pulls the sheets up and they get settled beneath them, scooting together until they’re wrapped up in each other. The heat of Steve’s skin is still evident where it presses against Eddie, arms sneaking under his shirt and forehead pressed to his clavicle.

“Sounds good,” Steve says through a yawn, wiped out enough to finally slip into what they both hope is a peaceful sleep. Tangled in the warm comfort of each other’s arms, they drift off together.