#and much to my distress i still find him attractive i thought i was better than this | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tmblrcolouredpaper · 5 months ago

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hii! i really really loved your holding hands with txt post! I was wondering if you would consider writing an extension/one-shot based off huening kai’s section? I thought it was so so cute and it seems like the perfect idiots/friends to lovers scenario :33 its alright if you dont want to, no worries :)) thanks !!

Content Warning:

alcohol consumption; drunk reader

slightly suggestive; hooking up with strangers hinted/ mentioned

forced intoxication mentioned

invading of privacy hinted

word count: 3 713

'How much time do I have left?', Taehyun shouts from his room, his rushed steps audible to Kai even in the distance of the kitchen.

'Ten minutes!', Kai yells back and chuckles to himself, amused by his friend's excitement to get out and spend time with people. He always puts a lot of effort into his appearance, intending to seem as attractive as possible while remaining a casual demeanor as if he hasn't just been running back and forth between his room and the bathroom in an abundance of outfit variations and loud contemplations about his choice of perfume.

Kai prefers his simple jeans and hoodie even for an occasion like an adventurous party. The greatest joy for him will be spending time with his friends, inventing new silly dance moves with Soobin that they can use to beat Yeonjun in every playful dance battle. Not even his excellent skills are able to overpower his involuntary convolution of laughters. Beomgyu's collection of footage will expand wonderful after this night, and once everyone is sobered up, he'll blackmail the shit out of the older men. And then there is also you.

Kai can't wait to see you again. Life has been busy, and the chance of meeting up has been postponed numerous times until the opportunity of going to this party arose. It isn't Kai's favourite way of encountering you. Sharing the environment with a whole crowd of people makes him feel like he is one of too many that you are talking to. Especially when you are drinking, he has anticipates you chatting up a bunch of strangers. He's rather just spend a calm day with you alone, maybe his friends being present as well, but the uncertainty of whom you might be hooking up with is not on his list of goals for the night.

The doorbell rings, and a loud shriek sounds from the bathroom.

'I thought I still have time?', Taehyun shouts in distress, probably pulling at his hair in frustration and also as a reminder to himself of what he intends to feel being done to him later.

Kai walks over and opens the door, finding you standing there with a tiny bouquet of daisies in your hand.

'Hi!', you beam and push the flowers towards Kai, your knuckles meeting the soft fabric of his hoodie in front of his chest. Only mere centimetres were missing for him to feel your gesture directly on him.

He looks at you in confusion, letting out a low questioning hum and hesitantly picks the collection of nature's minuscule beauty from between your fingers. A white lacy bow ties the stems together, and the ribbon's ends fall over his fingers, almost appearing like they are holding onto him with their tender touch.

'For you. I had to think of you and how much I am happy to see you again when I saw them. I had the ribbon in my hair, but it suits the flowers better', you say and step inside, lurking around Kai to wave at the others, all of them but Taehyun already gathered in the kitchen.

'Thanks', Kai mumbles and follows you to the counter. Beomgyu is just getting a shot glass from the drawer, but Kai snatches it away, carefully placing the flowers inside.

'Am I supposed to get drunk on daisies?', Beomgyu grunts and gets another glass that he fills and empties in one go.

'Oh, you're already starting!', you exclaim happily and direct Beomgyu through the collection of bottles until he has a row of glasses filled with your favourites.

Kai can't comprehend the speed with which you are drinking the various alcoholic drinks, but registers your state when you march over to the bathroom and pull Taehyun along with you to the front door.

'My hair is not ready yet!', he whines and attempts to get back in front of the mirror, but even though he is well mastered in the skill of complaining, he has no chance to beat your complaining of finally wanting to get to the party.

'Your hair looks gorgeous, you look handsome, and you smell great. Now get your shoes on and let's go. I am not waiting an hour for you again', you grumble and step into the hallway, urging the rest to follow in an entertained chuckle.

'You already stuck walking a straight line', Kai whispers when you bump into him for the fourth time, apologizing eccentrically as if you had pushed him ten meters away. In reality, you fall against him with no more impact than the flowers that you handed him earlier.

'I'm sorry. I'll just walk over there', you whine and distance yourself a few steps to give Kai space, but he pulls you back by your sleeve, tucking you to his side.

'Nooo! I have to make sure you don't run into anything but me', he dramatically gasps and welcomes the feeling of your shoulder shaking in a chuckle against him. He decides to not drink today, prioritizing your care and safety, well aware of the fact that all five men would go lengths to protect you, but his trust in the ability of a bunch of drunk people can't keep up with the trust he has in his sober self.

'Who's it tonight?', he leans in and asks you, the loud music enthusiastically drowning every spoken word. Kai looks around as he is on your eye level, gets a glimpse of Taehyun strutting over to some women in pretty dresses and shiny hair, and tries to find people who match your checklist of curiosity.

'Hmmmm, you', you confide and gift him a smile, leaning against his shoulder as you proceed eyeing the mass of dancing people.

Kai thinks you are joking. It must be that you simply didn't find someone yet. You always get into a conversation with at least one stranger and start laughing with them, leaning against them, holding their hand. At least those are the actions that Kai is able to register. He doesn't look at you throughout the whole night, so he can only imagine how close you get with others when he is not looking. At latest when it is time to go home, you long to him. That is the routine he learned over the years. You get drunk and become more outgoing, clingy, and direct that to people who intrigue for some hours, and then you return to him and continue a past conversation you shared as if nothing happened.

'You'll return to me anyway. Just go and have some fun', he says, meaning to let you know that he is waiting for you in case you want to leave, but the sentence came out complacent, pretty smug in a way that he didn't know he could sound like.

'Oh? You're very confident when it comes to me, huh?', you laugh, and the teasing raise of your eyebrows makes him blush. You never looked at him that way. He only ever observed it when you were flirting with someone else. With him, you usually stick to being playful in a rather cute way, laughing like a child as he feels like one himself when he is with you. It is carefree and innocent and even though he does sometimes question his own intentions, whether he might find himself wanting to explore the friendship with you in a mutually committed relation, he always forces his thought to quickly return to reality. He is scared of what would happen if he goes to that place where is with the imaginary you in close proximity that is guaranteeing something different that he has with you right now. He might not be able to return from thinking about you in a less innocent way, and that wouldn't be fair to you, he believes.

Kai looks away and clears his throat.

'Didn't mean it like that', he mumbles and occupies himself with sipping on a drink that Yeonjun brought to the table some minutes ago, before he vanished back onto the dance floor, shaking his booty in everyone else's agony that conceals the overall amusement people are too embarrassed to admit when the alcohol level isn't that high yet.

'You're not wrong', you say and smile, a hint of shyness now also evident on your cheeks.

'I always think I should go out and meet new people to see if I finally find someone I like, but-'

Kai listens closely, trying to figure out how clouded your mind already is based on your word flow. You speak loud and clear, with less hesitance than he knows you struggle with on a day to day basis. As much as he hates you drinking, knowing that your consciousness becomes blurry, he does believe you benefit from the seldom clarity of speech. It is like your body lacks so much energy that your tongue receives it all to pronounce every word perfectly without a slur of doubt and end every sentence in patience. He enjoys your demeanour changing. He enjoys you demanding attention that you avoid taking up when you're sober.

He anticipates you continuing to speak. The pause isn't awkward. As you take another sip from the whiskey mix in your cup, he searches for the drink cover scrunchie in his pocket. He hands it over to you and waits until you pull it over the edges, protecting your drink from being harassed by malicious strangers.

'- every time I talk to someone else, I start to compare them to you', you end your sentence and add a thanks for the cup lid.

The smile you give him when you realize that he bought and thought of bringing an item that supports your safety causes him to buzz of energy, ready to tackle everything that gets in your way of being anything less than perfectly comfortable. He can't but let out a chuckle, entertained by the contrast of your fast words and slow situational perception.

'What's there to compare?', he wonders, mumbling more to himself than to directly ask you, but you apparently plan on sticking to your plan of spending the night with him, because you sit down on the bench and tug on his sleeve to signify him doing the same. You take another big sip from your cup and immediately hold your head, a sign of you being incredibly dizzy now. Instinctively, Kai circles his arm around your shoulder and pulls you against him to give your wobbly body stability, restraining you from falling off the wooden surface.

'I should take a break', you laugh and attempt on lacing the empty cup on the table in front of you, but you miss several times, so Kai takes your wrist and maneuvers your hand into the right direction with the right sense of distance. Another chuckle escapes you, and his heart imitates the rhythm like an echo.

★~・🩵・~★

You drank more than you planned to, but is it your fault when you had access to some surprisingly delicious drinks? It's not like you are doing this every weekend, so it should be fine, right? Justifying questions bounce through your head as you are trying to put one foot in front of the other to keep up with your friends. Their words and laughters echo gently through the street, and you enjoy how calm they are even after a full night of partying and consuming alcohol.

'You can't let one party go without chatting up at least two women, can you?', Yeonjun asks Taehyun, who is happily grinning at his phone screen, on which probably messages under the new collection of numbers are appearing.

'They're gorgeous. I'm gorgeous. They like me. I like them. It would be a waste of experience if mutually interested people ignored each other', he explains and frantically types on his phone. You bet he's incorporating several typos, not only due to excitement.

'Let me check before you send', Kai pleads and takes Taehyun's phone, the contrast of clouded minds evident based on their movements alone.

Your own mind is sabotaging any smooth succession of steps, and you are clumsily bumping into Kai's arm. Not knowing how to help yourself, you hold onto him, causing him to stop and look at you with a gentle smile. The others don't register that you two stopped walking.

'Wanna read?', Kai whispers, tilting the phone screen into your direction. It isn't the most polite thing to do, just leaking Taehyun's chats, but honestly speaking, sooner or later either Taehyun himself would send screenshots into the shared group chat, bragging how wonderful the people he collects happen to be, indirectly sharing how happy he is, or Kai would just sneakily tell you when you two are sitting together exchanging the newest gossip.

'No, thakns', you slur in a whisper, your head spinning and the ground weirdly unstable.

'Thakns?', Kai chuckles, gaining awareness of how gone you are.

Absentmindedly, you tap against his hand, and he looks down at it, wondering what you are pointing at.

'May I hold?', you ask, desperately looking at him, because you can't think of anything better than holding hands to ground yourself.

'Ay! Did you just want to steal a phone?', Beomgyu yells from several meters in front of you, and Kai quickly opens his hand and anticipates you, laying yours onto his palm. With a gentle tug, he pushes his fingers between yours and pulls your hand into perfect alignment with his own. He starts walking carefully and observes your ability to follow until you are next to your friends again.

Kai slips the phone with the corrected messages into Taehyun's hand and laughs at him for making an abundance of absurd typos while you trace your thumb along Kai's warm skin on his soft palm. At one point, you lift his hand to be able to watch the way your finger presses into him because you are fascinated by how warm he is in contrast to your tired freezing body. You have to see that he is real. Besides, it is a great distraction from the fact that you have absolutely no strength to control your body beyond the well trained automatic movements of walking, and even those appear to be a challenge.

Yeonjun is looking at you weirdly, and you let yourself fall back half a step to be shielded by Kai's frame. You hear a distant chuckle and let your head fall against Kai's arm in embarrassment. He pulls his hand away from yours and hurries to circle his arm around you, offering his hand on the other side of your body for you to take again, while embracing you in maximum stability that he has to offer in this moment.

The close proximity warms you up, and despite the surroundings appearing blurry and bizarre to your drugged mind, you feel safe and happy. A little giggle slips out of your lips, and as you are pushing yourself a bit closer against Kai to cope with your embarrassment once again, he tightens his embrace with a low chuckle himself. You wonder if the others are able to see you or if they are too deeply invested in their own business right now. However, Kai's warmth and care are too overwhelmingly beautiful for you to worry about much else. He continues talking to the other's as if nothing is going on and in your next moment of consciousness you find yourself in his room whining about just sleeping on the sofa in the living room, not wanting to take up his space.

'If you can let go of my hand and walk over there yourself, I let you sober up alone', he announces and you feel your stubbornness causing you to let go of him, but after only two steps towards the door you stumble and almost hit the floor if Kai hadn't caught you as if he was already waiting for you to trip.

'M sorry', you sigh ashamed and clutch onto him, believing to not be able to get through the night without him holding onto you.

'It's okay. It's all good', he assures, and you find his gentle smile welcoming you into a zone of serenity.

'I shouldn't've drank s'much', you chuckle and help Kai pulling you up by pushing your feet against the floor, an action that feels unfamiliar to you, as if you had to calculate how the surface behaves in regards to your movements against it.

'Hmmm, you enjoyed yourself', he hums and sits you onto his bed.

'Let's just make sure you sleep it off', he advises and pulls the blanket back to lay you down.

'I'll make your bed stink', you warn, but he just shakes his head in an amused smile.

'That's only post sleep relevance. All there is to do now is sleep a bit', he explains and maneuvers you to lay down, pointing at the floor where he deposited a bucket in case you need to throw up and you barely register your own voice when you ask him to sleep next to you because you want to keep holding his hand. You already closed your eyes when he takes up half of the bed, keeping a respectful distance with only his arm extended and his hand covering yours.

★~・🩵・~★

Kai can't fall asleep, not with you laying so close to him, not when you overdid it so much that not just your body's abilities but also your speaking decreased over the span of hours. The up and down of you sobering up a little, only to get more drunk again, is fun to watch as long as he remains hopeful for you to not suffer too much the next day. He never experienced you having a hangover, but that only resulted in you insisting on being brought home where you sleep it off alone. This time, there is no chance for him to be fine with you being alone, not when you can't even walk by yourself.

You dozed off in mere minutes, and Kai doesn't know what to do rather than adjusting the blanket around you. He listens to the voice of his friends fading as everyone is making their way to their rooms. The front door opens and closes, and Kai checks his phone only to find the expected message of Taehyun in the group chat that he is going to visit one of his new friends from tonight.

'You need to sleep, too', he hears you mumbling and turns on his side to catch a look at your scheme in the dark.

'I will', he assures and softly runs his fingertips over your closed eyes, a warm sensation that he knows calms you. He has done it several times when he spent time with you during days you were a bit sick or simply exhausted but tortured by a stressed out mind.

'When?', you ask in a yawn, and Kai wonders if you were even asleep or if his own mind plays tricks on him.

'Soon', he responds, determined to wait until you are properly resting first.

'I'm going to ask you out t'morrow', you sigh, and he hears you nuzzling into the pillow. His mind is definitely playing tricks on him, and he decides when out of nowhere he imagines you nuzzling your sleepy face into his shirt.

'You don't have to say yes', he listens to your mumble getting more and more silent.

'Just be prepared for me confessing. You're the sweetest, How could I not?'

He laughs, his breath fanning over your face, and he hopes it doesn't stink too much, but then again, you probably can't even concentrate on something vague as a scent in your state. It is interesting to him that the thought of changing the sheets tomorrow while you take a long shower only to cuddle with you back in bed, getting it to smell like you after all. It doesn't even have to be anything but platonic. He always enjoys a cuddling session with you and the remaining whiff of your presence after you leave. However, now he questions if there might be a day he wants anyone else's presence imprinted into his space.

'What if I were faster?', he experimentally whispers, observing how he feels verbalizing the existence of the locked up corners of his mind.

'What if I told you that I can't imagine liking anyone as irrefutable and as securely as I like you? What if-'

Your snoring interrupts his list, and he surpasses a laughter by pressing this face into the mattress until his nose hurts. The sting reminds him to stay quiet as he turns around again, finally allowing himself to fall asleep. He is so close to drifting off completely when he hears your giggle and your tired yet clear whisper.

'I like you, too'.

It might just be his mind playing tricks, building up dreams already, but maybe he perceived correctly. His body slums against the mattress with no notion of conscious movements for the next hours and when he wakes up to your side of the bed being empty, his closet open and clothes evidently pulled out and the sound of the shower running, he exchanges the bed sheets with fresh ones. Just like he planned, he proceeds to make his room comfortable. He lies back down and opens the delivery app, daydreaming about the richness of a proper breakfast, and then his mind becomes playful again. This time he lets it wander down the path of the locked up corners, glimpsing into sequences of imaginary scenarios in which you return from the shower and drop down on top of him or him going to pick you up from the bathroom, carrying you back to bed bridal style. He smiles at his thoughts. The anticipation of them being scary, too impactful for his friendship with you, couldn't have been more off. He thinks of the daisies on the kitchen counter and enjoys how traces of you are spread all over his home. With new access of comfort in form of knowledge about himself and his wishes for an ideal reality, he continues waiting for you, full of curiosity about how this day will proceed, grateful to have you in his life regardless of specifics.

#▶︎ •၊၊||၊|။||||| 0:05 TomorrowXTogether #tomorrow x together #tomorrow x together fluff #txt #huening kai #huening kai fluff #hueningkai fluff #huening kai imagines #huening kai scenarios #huening kai x reader #huening kai soft hours

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life-of-an-asexual · 3 months ago

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a month ago you've answered a question from me, which i appreciate greatly. i don't really use tumblr so i only read it just now, thank you. it gives me a bit of closure knowing it's not a unique experience, and yeah, i probably needed to hear that i don't need to justify it. i have a tendency to look at everything like a thing that needs fixing, it's probably the first time i feel this lost about something i can't fix. it's gotten pretty complicated, i love my partner to bits, i want to be with them forever, care for them. i find them beautiful, kind, sweet, we're good friends. we're gonna marry soon, it makes me happy, i can't imagine my life without them, and without me by their side. i know it's like that the other way around too. other than the sex thing it's just perfect. they don't expect sex from me but have opened up that my lack of attraction makes them feel awful and unloved, and it's something they don't control really. there are times when they are a bit upset, cold. not intentionally, just feeling hurt and lacking self-confidence. meanwhile a lot of the kind of pure, romantic, naive poetic love i have for them just doesn't get to them most of the time. it's not their fault, and it's not really about doing the deed itself, as much as just finding them sexually appealing. i find them beautiful, but apparently that's different. it's hard for me to grasp. they decided it'd be better if we remained platonic as to not complicate it, remain devoted to eachother the way old couples are. but they're important to me, i want to make them feel loved, i'm ready to make sacrifices, but i'm not sure how i would even do that. i don't expect an answer, but maybe sharing this will find someone who has been in similar place and found a resolve. thank you for taking your time reading this, i won't mind if i don't receive a reply or it gets delayed, it's a tough situation for me, it must be even tougher to figure out if it's not you in that position. i'll appreciate any thoughts about it still.

once again apologies for taking so long to answer; i've been recovering from burnout and also traveling. i am glad to hear that my reply helped you somewhat. i think it's good that you've decided to be platonic and that your partner is understanding of that, at least

regarding the "sexual attraction" issue, it's really something i've never understood. i mean, sure if you feel a specific intense attraction/desire/feeling for your partner, it's gratifying to know they feel it in return. but this hang-up allos have about knowing that their partner feels specifically sexual attraction has always been beyond me

you love him, you find him attractive, you are absolutely devoted to him, willing to make sacrifices, you are committed to spending your life with him. the fact that it is just the lack (for want of a better term) of sexual attraction that causes him so much distress, despite the multitude of evidence of your love, is baffling to me

i don't know. i don't have an easy answer for you on that. it seems it might be connected to some other personal self-worth issues he has. maybe it's something you can talk about and work through together; maybe it's something he'll have to come to terms with on his own

my only recommendation is that you don't bend too far over backwards trying to "prove" anything to him. continue to communicate, express your love as you do, but if he wants to be with you, your not feeling sexual attraction is something he's just going to have to make peace with

i worry you might do something to hurt yourself again in an effort to "make up" for that, so make sure to practice being aware of your own feelings and boundaries. feel free to message again if you feel the need to. i wish you well, anon!

~Mod Q

#answered #anonymous #relationships

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binary5tar1117 · 3 months ago

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I hit a point on my smut fic where it isn't flowing anymore. But I'm far enough along I'm confident at some point I'll tell myself to just finish it and when I go back and reread it I'll be able to get into it enough to wrap it up

So I decided to move on to another idea I had. Which is like a dnd inspired fae au. Actually mostly inspired by a court of fae and flowers the dimension20 season. It's still the best season I've watched so far. It's more like half dnd fae half bidgerton.

Ive basically been living in this fic all weekend, like it's keeping me up at night but I almost don't care because I'm that into it. It keeps flowing really nicely without much planning and in a way that feels like a real story and not... just people fucking. Which dont get me wrong is fun. But a real story makes me feel like a better writer which is more satisfying.

I almost never finish these types of fics though so.... no one get excited.

Details and spoilers for a moral dilemma I have created for myself in the fic below the cut. I don't know how to warn exactly but minor tw "playing hard to get" mentality and the ickyness that can come from that.

I also had a really angsty thought last night that I think works really well but I don't know how to resolve it in a satisfying way. Or at least in a way I feel readers will find satisfying. Because there's a pretty clear red line crossed, people feel terrible and talk and forgive each other. Even though it's fantasy I think the situation is really realistic. But it's also a situation that the internet at least has little forgiveness for.

Wooyoung is a powerful sort of like demi God level fae. His "domain" is charm and attraction and he sort recharges his magic through physical touch. Not just sex but ya know that works too (though not actually any better than cuddling.)

San ends up making a warlock pact with him to save his sister. Wooyoung is very upfront about how his magic works and does not at all demand or expect sex or any sort of touching from San. But eventually they get to the point where they are comfortable enough for Wooyoung to be more clingy and flirty. And though another thing that happens, Wooyoung realizes San is very much attracted to him and pursues him. San as good as says he's just playing hard to get. Wooyoung really does nothing wrong.

But San is resisting more from emotional complications. I mean mortal and fae, patron and warlock plus Yeosang... it's complicated. Wooyoung maybe kinda gets this but it's never spelled out.

Anyway Wooyoung kinda corners San and with some magic sex pollen type shenannigans, San gets pushed past his comfort level. They don't have sex, it's just basically a really intense make out session.

But San in his kinda worked up state, accuses Wooyoung of assuming San was playing hard to get when he really wanted none of it. Saying hes been pushing him too much all along. Which is true again in an emotional sense but not in the physical.

But Wooyoung takes it in the physical sense which San intends at the moment. And he is understandably upset and apologetic. He tries very hard to recognize that his magic, the thing that makes him him, has the ability to make people very uncomfortable. He tries so very, very hard to be considerate and /good/ about it. (He's a good boy, the bestest alright?) And to find out he hurt/upset someone he cares about, even after trying so hard to be careful... it's understandably distressing for him.

When Yeosang hears about this, he tear's San a new one because he knows exactly what's going on. Two of the three idiots in love make up... mostly because San has some words for Yeosang during that convo too, so there's still that aspect.... and the story continues.

The problem is, while I think that it's obvious San was more in the wrong, people can be weird about that sort of fuzzy-ish consent. I shouldn't care but I do. I'll be so sad if people hate Wooyoung for it.

I am also struggling with how Wooyoung will ever be able to trust San again if he pulls this. It's such an important core belief type thing for him that having it disrespected and turned against him... there's really no way for San to make it up to him, right? Wooyoung just has to choose to forgive and trust him again. Which I don't think is bad necessarily. People fuck up, even this bad, and it's okay to forgive sometimes. But that's another thing the internet is pretty iffy on. One mistake on this level is tantamount to murder and unforgiveable. Which again I shouldn't care. I'm usually good at not caring, but I kinda do in this case.

And then I question... is it too ooc to have San do that? Which is maybe why i care about readers opinions so much.. because I'm unsure. I dunno I think I'll just have to get there and write it and see how it plays out.

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thoughtsineedtoletout · 7 months ago

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youtube

The Tortured Poets Department

Track 4 - Down Bad

The premise of this track is the narrator reminiscing about a time she was abducted by aliens and went on an expedition discovering a world beyond what she knew, feeling as if she was chosen for this extraordinary life, but was then abruptly sent back to where she came from.

The narrator uses this as a metaphor for someone showing her love in a way she's never experienced before, but then they just precipitously dropped her back at square one, leaving her with all these newfound experiences and perspectives. Now she's down bad, cryin' at the gym. I think it also depicts how they were from different worlds and he couldn't assimilate into hers, so he left.

Down bad is a colloquialism for being in a state of mind where you are desperate for something you strongly desire, usually unrequited feelings of infatuation or attraction. Often resulting in the loss of all rational thinking.

The narrator is so enmeshed in this feeling that she is crying and behaving like a petulant teenager, saying fuck it, if I can't have him and I might just die, it would make no difference. These hyperbolic and fatalistic emotions are very much the representation of when your feelings are heightened and you cannot be reasoned with.

Starin' at the sky, come back and pick me up // Fuck it if I can't have us // I might just not get up, I might stay // Down bad

She is trying to impel him to return by cursing at the sky and willing him to come back and take her back with him.

The second verse has the narrator asking did you take all my old clothes // just to leave me here, naked and alone. This suggests that she was left in a vulnerable state and all her comforts taken from her, along with her old perspectives of the world. She goes on to say he left her in her same old town that seems hollow now, indicating and reiterating how her worldview has changed now and without him, everything feels meaningless.

They'll say I'm nuts if I talk about // the existence of you

I think this is the narrator relaying that people didn't approve of him and she can't talk about him because they would think she was crazy to still be so infatuated by this person that didn't belong in her world.

She then goes on to say she'll build a fort on some planet // where they can all understand it. She wants people to understand she is in love and that they do belong together and she is willing to find a place in this world where someone will understand them being together.

The bridge goes on to say that she loved the experience with him and she's so upset that it's over, she can't even actually bring herself to say that it is; the lyric cuts off before it the word 'over' is said. She is distressed and exclaims how dare you think it's romantic // leaving me safe and stranded.

This tells us that the person she was with felt like she would be better off and safer without him. This makes her mad because it isn't romantic, it takes away her agency and ability to make decisions on her own terms. He just makes the decision for her and it is unfair to not even discuss it, he just unexpectedly drops her off where she started.

I suspect the position Taylor was in before this encounter was during a heartbreak she thought she had healed from, before this person came and love bombed her with promises of a new and sparkling life, only to have him suddenly desert her, returning her to the place of heartbreak she thought she had healed from.

She says in the outro that this experience made her feel like she lost her twin. I believe this is in reference to a 'twin flame'. She considers this person her twin flame; this is a new-age ideology of spirituality.

It describes a twin flame as having an inner pull towards another person, feeling as if you have met before and have always known one another, the passion between these people is incredibly intense. However, given this level of intensity, it is common for the relationship to break down as it is difficult to manage the fervor that comes with it.

Twin flames are destined to have fiery, passionate relationships that cannot be a lifelong event, rather they enter your life for a period and impact your life in a way that veers you onto the life path you are intended for.

Back to list of analyses.

#taylor swift #ttpd the tortured poets department #the tortured poets department anthology #the tortured poets department review #the tortured poets department #down bad

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ray-talks · 9 months ago

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2/19/24

i had to go out to dinner today.

eating out is scary for me -- things tend to be higher calorie than home-cooked meals. it is also harder to purge in these situations; sometimes i can get away with it, or be able to once i get home. although, this doesn't always work, and today was like that. i attempted to when i arrived at home, but it was unsuccessful. this is irritating. i didn't eat an extreme amount, though, and restrained from eating more than necessary. usually -- i hate this, mind you -- i do crave food. today, however, i felt extremely annoyed at the idea of eating and didn't want to. i mean, i mentally don't want to eat, but my body does. it didn't entirely feel that way today.

my younger brother complained that he didn't eat breakfast or lunch. this made me angry -- because apparently only i can not eat all day -- and so i snapped at him for not eating, and then began to question him. he did admit that he had eaten today, just not proper meals. this made me feel a little better. i do find that when people say, "oh, i haven't eaten all day", they are being dishonest and have eaten snacks here and there. it still irks me, nevertheless, even when i know they were lying or being hyperbolic. my annoyance continued, because it is grating to be misgendered every day by my family. and, yes, they are aware that i am trans. all in all, it was a tiresome time. an irrelevant aside, is something else that has been getting under my skin, that being my parents constantly pestering me about my psychiatric medications. things such as, "have you taken them yet"; "don't forget to take them"; "you need to take them"; "i'm scared you'll get withdraws"; "just checking, are you sure you took them". it is an endless barrage. it might seem crazy what i'm about to say... these medications do not do very much to me. i am taking so many medications now, and i've taken many in the past, so why would these be any different? while i can't prove beyond a shadow of a doubt they do nothing at all, that there is a chance i could possibly get worse without them -- i am still very much mentally ill. it's all so bothersome. it makes me exhausted to constantly perform "getting better" and do all these useless things that do nothing, and i have zero interest in them. i apologize for complaining so much in this entry, but i am getting increasingly frustrated as of late.

i looked in the mirror and had the thought, "the current weight of my body is likely considered the most attractive weight for me to be". can't wait to ruin it by starving myself into the body of a sickly, emaciated victorian child (lol)! i wonder how common it is for someone with ana to not care about losing weight for the sake of appearance. sometimes i feel alienated from the ed community, as i don't relate to many experiences. i often hear people try to encourage others by saying how people will be jealous of you for your body, or that you should starve so your boyfriend will think you are beautiful. it is quite common that eds are spoken of as body-image issues. that does not apply to me at all. for me, it is all about control, to give myself a purpose/passion, and self-punishment, i suppose. i would be distressed at gaining weight, not necessarily because i would fear becoming societally unattractive, but because that does not align with my goals. i wonder if i would even be diagnosed with ana, regardless of how much i lose weight -- maybe i'd just be labelled with ednos. i guess, though, that i don't have to meet every criteria for ana to be diagnosed. it is irrelevant though, i would never want to be in a position of being diagnosed since i don't want help (lmao).

i think this is all i have to say for today. to all who read this, i wish you a good day.

#ray talks #tw ana diary #mental health diary #tw restrictive ed #ed not ed sheeran

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libidomechanica · 2 years ago

Text

Who fought, or write

A sonnet sequence

Attended on skin, on better things in the way you sleep to the mountain cleft with youth to shore than they run before himself art to sway? I still climb, and bells, and ideal it’s more hope of saving can heard her spires, whose royally drunk; proud lived whole soule by cunning, here, distinguish you awakened. Who fought, or write. When followed long, longer thought: such letting there, or what the course of please, can painted new: then wound the baser Metal burn’d. The other who sat at my adder’s storms rent her rugs and yet my Stella is not a woman, she alleadg’d Gods word, from low to man. And runs about, and leaps like a motive, like it to sing the begin the dearly! Has met wi’ pride, desire should beginning, friends, let me drum nor their eyes, ropes on and take her reader in her remain, this torch, and your form the labour’s an ideal— lower’d, took but eat? I undertake, she’s good but weak in.

That dyes a marble, which, somewhat fall a kiss. She was small agacerie. You will soon her nose while the pelf which never wane. You take a cheats, with sacred sister. And if we had that’s to see.—At least increase that gentleness, ’ and lamentation; a bird. Their charm’d, and yet, I’ll seeks. From peer or bishop tis done, so wild snaky Persius, these those whipped by the better the joys grown; we both thankful sighs. Of what a fault among man, and dewdrops are my wrack and could prove before him stare: their severed and best fruit no beauteous maid. Ice I know that. Yet Chloe wants to me, starlight over their pole!

Stoking deign’d t’agree, where never judgment making or say, that thy flower is tamed: and longs for aye, then to overcome a partner in a certainly more quiet, which bringing Hands of that thou shalt be though a ruined cell, or front to be lov’d friend, thy inward in my hand in the central to their happy pieties, like wise Oxenstiern. I believe in like all you ever the ley, their sorrow circle, and you in Grecian tires are, hawk on boughs to calls moon is a trembling into the fall, to sate its thirst of all; if one of these report, and you have adore my heart; their joyes.

Say some of what young Chevalier. Where is a good grac’d to bear, and pure love that no one traveled and gathers leaues, to her amorous sphere; while heart alarm came near him, he added a slain ram that likewise could you so. An oyster memory, or Phant’sie scandal stamped his presence of attraction, to raised loveliest vision grows nice; reads his eyelids. More there. Where dwell the Pavilion, or breast I find, to make nothing had, nor starting-place, every reason: Thus girls. Head was not palsy or books to bake a match youth; one has done. At pressed. Tis said—indeed! When both Silk, and make me grape again.

Which of those sands and through. And force of Plato call so forgiven, it’s an ideal— lower’d, to herself the worlds could not weigh: she thousand traps of thee. Has not every morning, whate’er itselfe, still more look’d, and sky, we touched though too late. Struck me, to beg her passion put the seav’n has varnished me much more suspicion now, whirling thee, my Lucasia, since we see untill that’s whole in body worn and all the enamoured rustic worship as maidens’ hair, whose fame or pale, pale pageant they enclose my mind, the night, and star, alike to harm—did you, althought, and then in the shadow lend.

Suffering all-sufficiency my head. And make her humour, and married at all ears listen, while young praise the silks. Since, seldom pleasant jeunes hommes’ who sat at once, thy hands I could not thou my life from books, vials in full many a smile, they were before him to faire Daphnes crown’d, th’ address, pride of cattle, been sparkling glance betwixt their proud as any summer winds but eat? Many women are so strip there are fix’d principles, bushes, and marriage to bait thy infant’s distresses you would fail from here, that love what swallows’ perch,—did you with care, and still the fury still climb!

Whom those busy throne that yours, surmounts me now, those royall roabes did glide, and love or wake her forms they are a new one: she meads; where borne? Smoothly, also subject find him, never best wondered so few and yet mostly sing of itself thought him wasn’t them. To do other like a madhouse the stones in bleak November, and the breath, for best part? And stone fence, as the rose. I think that which made for hero, he glaring ankle? Will rot, and begins to woman he is sinner,—her humor without dreamer, water’s charms together as real suffer with hollows in time that should but reached? The Veil.

Or, if unto people I have sewn it grows the frail one’s quite; and round of certain portrait of all; if Eve did lye, doth may since they feel, we were fit to be so particular conduct free, and steeps his eyes. As never me, more through by the viewless snow-mist orchard, lying flowers. Of Day and believe in like a chuckle of attracts; and meal, robert Burns: wha wad leave thy pictures like a history: if that her rugs and balsam-buds a scene, and eke the rest, toasts to sing for a full of life’s whole floor where had that in its poisonous wine; nor virgin fears, with some part Doppelganger.

And making lines and drinks water, whose thrones more attracts; and true, your complaint—than a bag of individe the very hour badly spent. No firm cloud come to have forests on the best fruitfull sweet, so pure loves and yet how clay shrinks and cast minds a-wooing flash’d: they’llonly make himself an ev’ning gilds the green: and in world, baring o’er the unknown; unknown, thoughtful year; then glut thy Steel among the flies from that’s uppermost, with and marvelled in this epic satire. That it was Rome. Our Serpents words run on apace, who burns; and Oothoon the glancing, thou remembering taketh me!

Thou emblem, said my Muse desire, that for ever beauty show, that bird? He love- freaks pass unblamed,—and this the back from the horse, or are two hard to meet the light of cruel stars dangerous love were was a modesty she acted right turn my father Johnny, he ’ll bet you and our cool radiant girl! A ten-foot scarcely came, though we play, and shut my finger bled, but a messengers through rain is in times you covered, round and King of the grounded on Sally Brown young praise is such a daughter weeping and recording its thorns you remains and a’! How soft&lived at: there, Pastoral.

Hissing sun restored my way. To Toast out, and like sun began to the stars to make him stare: the stand, your bodies me to murder. Many dainty mistress, that it was simple pray’r, and pale Virgil I’ll lover passions will I should not clean. Birdie’s nest, and night; I lou’d, but in twain. He whole town knows what I have made, but dream I saw that, but how their piety both with Truman’s watch. Such length not the ever two cheek; a kiss for many men. Into their your adventure. Every man who wants to beauty only ones. A kiss or death in yourself, who bewailest the fires of the serene and these thought Sugar with the waves, on starre. Poets head was wreath’d trees! Fairer than I. It’s up your belles and acts just teach, yet long, and recording at the poor Love, this silent I am: and made up of worlds over and despair. Far, far as I all other way thee. It is the ravenous hawk?

To the sea mermaids are very original of youth: lend one sighing look at baths your Doppelganger of lost body … carry bowls of my wit for many trouble gilding back just after dying at its words, like a splendid mansion to all bodies form’d with his stone, that danc’d the brig o’ Dye, at ever there, but come back climbs like a stately Julia’s bed; the mild! Infinite heart violent air, rend away his shatterers of Albion heard—he rent the siren’s will be as good humour indiscretion see slain ram that is most kisse those Two—they have consequential, the sea.

Do Greece and Cleopatra—night be false to reprove, I know from that clouds, were pools that is my part of the pledge, ditch, and trentall silver-white. Her every day—fond Thou art of Hope with silken net, and thereof cride of heav’n-directed, who in her heart things sparkle and thy beauty’s use, if thou thy sake the love thee, of which in the human breathed without tread, an image of inward love, but beauties, wherewithal to the dust from though I did appeared thus said, Gee woe! The yellow Autumn pressure our play, these tuneless number I still serpents from the events that Fate no liberty.

Lucia, let us be unwrought it best to knowable ring? Thought, the pale Virgil, witty Ovid, by whom you, I’m with you, my loving her sort of those Two—they listening belates, haunted, as are in two years in my word ought no wretched, drunken eyes have maternall priceless curl. Let coarse bold handsome statue- like Chrystal brows—there life in Death’s interventions meet in ever to me. Despite this lamenting; though and south: stamp’d upon a shine grew up inside my happy, happy they are you are singing Laurel, always dark, sighs for have of hair. Showing, my darling, into each to it out of their selfe beleeue that they roam; no thought me in the string; adown you chaunt a little darts, for several pitied be. Her everywhere person I love of our bolder man shall grove, now that, which makes her for a debt at once, this wreck, or did I meet the sager sort of desire!

If thy sports and garlands from peer or vanish; why should, like disaster. Strawberries and your haire the salt across the embosom’d griefs are fix’d in his still Gazing underneath! As the arms to me a challenge, that million. Double nature the person, and doth diffuse, and die. Was they are your meat, yet made, but their honour, make the awkward to God’s heart. In celebration; if in ever yet to give recompense. When her body making of frolics, an old age of Theotormon’s limbs: he rode beyond a casement and low! I was wont to need water as a storms rent Theotormon!

It has too refin’d to the appreciated in happens there, as though the brig o’ Dye, at even what the blanching, vertical sublimity, no more, not like an earphone with all you, I am blacks— now pray they are vainely spent. Yet never knew the wealthy issue, and, one sight that the blackness gallops in: I shut my patent backward soul behind. For what such sin a carven silver, or there’s many a whipped by no means a few graves for these finger over-rule us all is recall’d his winged and married his come never slander’d one skin whisks it always was.

And Satan’s men: I shut my eyes of good black dots on my body’s bust, Her wear fetters worship terror, where dwell to please, can your best selves them balance to meet against us and ears ago when day, who bore a purple, pulsing. But this mystery of the Feild, I mournful Psyche, from not advance beneath in malice Gods dead; I lift my bride. Never such impotence of what gardener Fancy ever-during, in times of the Lily anodyne, and coole. That Adeline and reply robin’s loose to mix some better of sorts of straw and there, issuing, what know, wolf’s-bane, tight!

Come through temptation of ever chamber: the one unto me, as an infant’s staring them. I went to good, what peerless of her matrons frame: which fain would I no more branched in his raptures a roach; but her bodily comforter! How soft America, Oothoon is sweet in secret, my Heart’s right—the clouds, were th’ enamour’d Homer’s story of fame or a vice. Under thy days, glories, that liv’st but in thee and I hide the wrath of fools; he says, We’re talking of praises from Eves fall, but never call’d, is a virtue. If in ever breath the knowest the baser Metal burn’d.

The best, I would visit us notes, from chains of shall awaken’d the deaf cold wind, its poison of this I fill at young Eulalie’s Beauty that was delight, and leap’d on the hand, this power in her terms of the body and the shape of great snake, whom all time it’s turtles, despite the fat; breathe its should equal color, one is straight display: she, whose godly labour vain design’d. Or her, and never falls under their form improve, Wi’ Johnny, without a name? A kiss you have that even knows he measures a roach; but waking! Of pleasant grove, you do—or do not like a canker in all itself, performing God’s heart, glimmer, ye waves of sister’s break thy secret influence, seldom comin by trade; and are young me to sate its thorns you remains all at ease; with that the laddie in. To know they would thee purely, as to a fine Conceits, all be lull’d t’ engage all thereof to me.

That be Love, war, a tempest—surely weak. They catch one creatures joy in the more. To fly with poets through very blot, and like to mine image with of us dare not to venture. He also subject in truth all its ample mayst thou should be so self- loving me. That you off an hour and flash upon thy Face from the night quite on a Minion! And waves a life. That same, and reader, nothing into it: if in even this—to fly all, books entered the girls longing some disgrace in a second berth, as far around mine’s a courage with her hair: do you other of something orb declines.

All how they never pierces that, but never see Brooklyn. And t will find the begin that the jars of ships, in ships: it fears the orches to builded faith too much, no more praise thee how to master though it’s not wish undone. Eat; so runn’st thou after red. In all out of time, dying in my eyes and bathe its salutary aim, in their arms unite, across the back of all suffering as if thou the farther, Have thistle- ball, no bar, onward love, across the cares of British boys say, that history lessons I do not the freshest hearts of brown? And then, there but the castle o’ Montgomery!

The dazed eye, and the mother’s Arms they only line portmanteaus, transparent as the nature rest on? Cheek and unobserv’d that the mind glows; a paper kite what a bonne. She had followers also in the worlds fall, most Women glory than fiction; if it may be, some reason why youth in you. My face. So that one tender fades! And Eve was John. Roses for pears; and aye they, like stars with great which from happy, happy copulationship. Not the scorn, and elegant aunt bleede; but strange arose, feet, feelings fully down. As though on thine eagle home leave you waking debts, which are Holy Land!

To guide and ready ear to discover, yet long, and hers cannot say to say, with rust, should have beetle is a flowers. Which made in well against thou see there blythe I turn out spak’ the grief—for what mechanted a hand they were. I would dreary as they sprang into a bowl. Present to behold this work-day world, but beauty, education, swore prove that it was you had to models of birds. Now I come, roots. Mine eye or ear of burnies trot, and now passion’ e’er so blind. As Helluo, later he was they call men and all we can; who loue, whose choices of honest, and its indeed some strange.

Oh, odious flown about in Silence break of the owl from those performance had range,—but true—as, if he could have felt a door hath been flickering you can’st see by glim’ring her side by side, persuading grove when I am what can wit. You grew up within us and Stella beare! My darling, charlie, he’s my darling, my dear for men to screen of straw and the who once did, and each heart like stone fence, every one, none of the love my heard senators declare, upon a shoe factory cursing thing, we shall tasted, he calling ever though in their self-love it also a garden!

Is young, and more time for men to over- anxious care. At first-born beam, oothoon pluck these are the sky, hell’s fired. As I stood upon the hill, and loved by Reproof of Love on pity graces can you your home, far around glowed to knowable envelope, who contemns poverty? Ropes on an Indian compare, whaever had, nor knowledge plies; I there, through greasy fingers, appeare in bed cawing undertaking; adown yon scroggie glen, why choysest Art, but theatrical but let your home, and his horse louder, confirmed my own about, circled around her up, as it may I granting.

Shall carry a tender-ship, or reprove, but one. Descends the best: t will defendant Phoebus watch diving the Tree, giving Water drain’d to soft, as a man love of vict’ry in Boston, and solace young with strange with your wine, Catullus, sharp-fang’d Martial, the kind. All is born by the morning slight traverse and both promised to make the pink mallow glowed and made the horrible thou, and his torch, and his night and the blushing reeds, and I referr’d in a ready: fire gratify sense to guesse. But this is my darling, charlie, he’d heare to catch a certain glisten, while he is in my books.

Where by zephyrs, strikes me to be e’er with charmer sinne was a heroines, they moved me a challenge, your dears so sore, hawk on bought him, here is no more for the loss, and how does the strings brink of a worldly pleasure might pebbles, foam and death. There shower have a blind and she’ll adored; but Theotormon! I mourning whisper, amorous sphere. It is a fairy flowers, wrung even in mind; I had the nice admired; a little housewife runs to all with the Serpents guide and sheep-track’s maze the sleepy? Shall faire planetary nights are not one to Chide! No voice with pleasure, our desire!

Tint his packet, to see a plack on birth. I come down till I see. Assuaged, and round the day, then the darkest solitary shadows on your kitchen verboten? One in virgin modest virgin and spirit won above! Enters, and told you as my chest, or as the strength to the purpose, and despised poems yet men die misery of woe, sadder husband now because them. Blood-red he rain, that no disease, viewed from thy deeds to feed on skin, love’s sake, that of an humble pardon, if in the soil. A crow is squawking among, then I reflection, unto dying by, and light, all sleep!

You are ninetieth spare em, a wanton thru the fruitfull sweet by some casually with the most in two years in one another progression turn,—Why do to Jason’s. Never at the peaceful sleep, lest thou, O thought: you are soon for she wish’d, celebration lacke, beeing grapes to be married at a’? By thee, mournful surges and outward up the ties of short-number’d hours, take back afraid of the black for heroes and my brow, those worth an Indian compare, whaever has met wi’ my Phillis, will more different story tone of one another, the whole analogies; and all those after red.

Comes too late for you will never at him. And thing, trembling if I can’t gaze on, she would weary, wayworn wanderer bore to his rage: scourge from them, lay down it grow old age or humor with all forth to plunge with our bodies, since we may forget to good Christian trim, and with awake the village dog barks at the woman. And faith too long the grass that delves the red ear: do you perhaps that has hearts are the spring; thy sharp-fang’d Martial, they the Sunne, and crystal brook a little blackness every day with walls as warmth of those highway too blamed as obstinacy, both him, he added a slaves beneath in your heroic salamander, ’ and streamlet and kept close, he held an ivory comb that millions live no more: the clear the old way there comes the glanced with fields of honest morn. Behold them that but like Hebe’s in his bed something I stood the heathen in a sphere, it isn’t hard furrow?

When the wind—shaking gentlemen. A carven silver-white. A full-grown with since which. To pause, and the path their cures too read like a courage which had nothing thee, myself, and soul seeks, and a’! Which made, that sleep. She though these will make me as Divine. Meditating my age with the best regions who have adore my Proper Pastimes grace? She wanted only was a common December’s day; chains waved, they movèd alike; a night over the whisper, and brown. I know my spirits meet, a Haire than mine, nor with my chest, or as the best: t was not the threshold, and woman than if she’d choose take her.

If we shall sting my trewand pen, be’st lovers’ heart mine history less praise, painting that was shape. Come living for Death—he turn’d, as Cupid dances. Where there was for duchess’ conduct free, and the gently,—for a nose, one yet determine: although well I sudden spark struck my blusht: from her nose whom those, that love a white Ohio town know than summer throw my this wreck, or long memory disinterested, came from my Hand, nor cheek, catch that shining at the though not kneel for delicate, that love thee from what it shall tangled and you, althought? I don’t knowing, as today; she, who whiff it. That what is claspable, clabberable, distress of the first did I see thee afar behind a term is this world is scarce espied: mid hush’d, celebrated for some to sate its the Ground; angels will love or to virgin modesty with this island Expression, or drown with the euils both demands, ah!

That lives is a flowers as their spheres, singing is a flowers vpon my heart alarm came first leave once would, in time, me lusteth not there complete, wi’ nae proportion’d, as Cupid trembling if I were I certainty, perhaps of Pleasure take; but some heart things. She remnant wordes to sing; a good grac’d to bear not. Light with bright Titan’s bed, sweet shall become as also share and now, has met wi’ my Phillis—for she is wiping my charnel-house, and there all else, her the lark, whose globy rings would not dependent of the altar heaven of Loving—and, if God topples from my Muse some look’d perplexes, unless grow. Thou toldst mine eyes, were clear away, she hates, and yet my pair of vermeil cheek and most deceptive organ in Calcutta and all praise in Pennsylvania, near these are ways to make tomorrow and salt, estrange storm pillows up and tocher sage, which missing orb declines.

—Must a little glanced like name! You weep one day: tired without much more, Love,—only sleep. Its pass’d sae sma’! On the mound where, or what you and manage Rakhsh along with there is stretcheder than not blown up for joy; and the race. And erasèd. And ridiculous light be, to build an ivory wrist, full times as when we wonder that thou, and sheep, leaf and his whist. Ladies meet in every creature sprang elate, but just excuse is— ’t is murmurs in odours, hath its experience, as bienseance cried the glancing o’er hills, dales, bushes, and Phœbus fires; by this with flatter herself that seeth fault, though great?

That sweet friend; it were both diffuse, and and yours on a moment of dew: let me sighing Care. Fell in danger of lost i’ th’ funeral admiration he clear away, sweet souls: nay, what I may retired; and the Flames, and sweet comes to catch virgin that, and bite the chiefly those sacred balloons. A goblet next day, then run afresh, as tiny as a dun—whether of watch’d thus it is all the pink mallow sands; who neither hear. Falling Will, devouring at the nice your eyes were born by the Antelope and Eve was as ill, see with herself thereof to me a madhouse said twice?

She knew waies seen it and were, the summer. I shut me now, the bed there, this; by man’s caves, and budded Tyrian, the gentlemen kirkward the bee-mouth is frail one’s friend in what house; with spice and prosers, words are, or wert ne’er believe that knowing time. But the ass of Fitz-Plantagenet. Is that the nice admiration he acquitted both to underneath the ills o’er hills, dales, or heart, a life like name is Silia does run, and quite continent! Forget you just teach, when young brain and that we are blinks kindly! And lose through, and ranks quite enough, the heights have for she, so diuine ravish’d an aspire.

The yellow-haired you. Is a sad, good as men weep, her legs with mine own below her till all freedom or reason: Thus with me any summer beauty by surprised to love. Adam exchange, or Germany, where young, and trees: if in my chest, or as then in the lips and grace in a secret influence, and in tears—Oh, odious flown away likeness has been shed, the gods ordain’d to touch thou catch for sophomore girls longer we. That green, and I’ll she wounded bee, I can do. I was not policy, that Majestie commonwealth, my wit or not the more. My Sandy O; tho’ thee better, thought?

And now passion, but bid you tell the tide. Who were light, and he strings spring, forget you see the Touch, Wit spins both Sea and all it can its last like danced;—all for a long ago—that thou be a tatter’d the fault lie? Person is evening-staid now, sweet Election. Her smile between friend; it were furled. The fading garden, all one. And friendship lies are Altars, and bid me be that erst perfume. They used to doe at all my song, like the Optick Nerve, I would easier grow: we are the Ephesians, Lady Adeline would make nothing which thee,—and sounds of the measure, and hide than wear not.

But that shall I never our own her can my memories, that the atrocious, wooes the means deals in well her child-bed, and mingled love profaned then he did not in innocent bloody torments an old worlds to see a place you draw out you so, ’ utter’d the ape for this humble I. As hollow the other little light to be woo’d and there, distinguisht without a chamber: the youthful Princes and loved her and quartered, round in spirit may be graced it through there one disaster. But if they forest blood and good as woman, tired of fame she replies, dry as an electrons.

Of golden pomp is complaint—that I throws them where eagle returning I saw it and thus it is my way. She was form’d with the one unto the Daughters of thought some to placed you’d returned to master in a rage. Though below envy, robert Burns: wha wad leaves a woman love her matron eye— while I turn the nice young, and go. To a river, she’s honest most; and his deare Love, strive forget it shows, and weeds, or of life. That danc’d among, this fair, as they may number by sweetest Lesbia, closet never kisses are done. With too much one Beauty by sun and while I run repent; my best.

By a clear spring, which way freeze with flaw- seeking among man, the greeting on her gown; she twirled through thicket doth cover though below my vocal rage, he caused you sleeps for the Root—and work of Nature is the bright off with old Benbow; and has been a bag of individed Being bias, be wise men and waterfall licences must given up the posts of none of my night the Veil. The cabinet, to kill that name and light takes them, messings unto gold? My heart I pulled by the fury of those scarlet Iudges, that I have been an accessory, as the window-seat for his own.

Little man. Once we may pay the fault; nothing I deny, yet never dull and all that does the shadow, he pushed, and this to me? And cools, yet were his golden anniverse and gum, rich beads of burning into whiff it. And ever drumlie: the dark. If in ever rankle before my body’s bust, but in an errors and that night, whilst I thy babe change she inroules those perfection of my House, light her a staine upon thy heart, and his grow? My bonie Bell. And girl with a moonlight gay meteor of liberty. Where a regatta of man, and, being more; till through too longest tarry.

’Ring the might to. They have not like the chain of finite? In my misfortune thee her terms for my patent backwards the best to pause, Won’t you ask, who am old and I not for you, I’m sorry, you as Ra knew or the carnal part, smiles of the man who venturer soul shalt be by moonlight of lucubration, but faces Truth faire lands unblest, your passion, thrice happie Thames, to pluck the carcanet. Now Pain come dear, a temper Juan’s fame: which are so beauty, education, but melancholy mirth; but if thou didst recite the tape-recorder not the wheel, and there were much good minute goes.

I would fall asleep to the perswaded thin, abroad, or male? Making to pour milliards— it all silently. Shall bow along their habitation of it. They went to a grin, and bruise its sad lamed, this close up from the lute is thy comfort, that bear the pride out, calmly kiss’d sometimes foxes’ brush came to our trust meet in ever speaks to awakest flower, forgetful of straw, borne? Matter weeds and takes, thy hearts. I swear, to undo me, and heaven of them and out with too was great lamps do dispensable; he clear the ear of burning, the young Ben had sent my heart, that we wear not.

A common-place, struck me, my Rose; years have laid itself gave us one. There are fix’d in him, never gave it as it must love with his bed a garden of a Ghazál. Stop this moulder, a winne, and to feign, and birds. Flesh further progress of heaven above thee with some untrodden regions of sweet, but bad his hand on a bank, and shakes. Yes, I ween, i’m rich, thoughts, for verse, music wove our lips of though much of Death! Shall know right no man grieves, and married and good as men weep; a tree. Who breaking like none, now gay, green-spread a lifetime. But both with walls moon the resource for poetic pages.

All my word you say you are not so, a virginia or her women could altogether side by so remote a Fountains asleep just th’ enamel of faire planets on its branch a good this that the topics I must not advance was absent in an affidavit, romance overwhelmed my virgin and clos’d for myself in their prouder o’ the first-born and thunder’d in the Well of golden chariot staies, to pledge, while our skin, those break and all thing, that can compare with they drank your pursuit of all women, two rivers sell. In mine complexion pure, beeing great cost us all.

Have freely, as I hate a significant myth which flies, bewitch poor infant joy!— Nature and made the parson claims of flowerets so solemn and find it selfe I needs that sweet in his beauty all its ample mayst thou darkest shame or pride of continent. What sweetness was that keep your fields lie beside. To be silent dust, with cold for a debt she e’er be princely poet. Without all worth dissolution chariot stay, begging to women could pass away. Yet I love I shall say some to pitied with reflect the beil’, where ever to catch one of what cards? Of light hour I die!

Where are fix’d at so wild as well as Sight. Or nest for to Tibullus lies, all thee steady; the lusteth not growing echoes renders the winked with an Arab turn’d, as Cupid is with self-love the toy at most kisse-worthy I to no defeat can do. It is as I used to model to bear a sociis, ’ for a trick of her matron eye—while I brew my bear a disaster. Before my bosom’d grief of life alone: our bodily comforter! Turning rogue! Whisks it all; if Eve did the ever. And thing to my true Love, abiding faithful were much intertwisted with the lands, thought?

To wise might, drawn after a long ere the air, as to fame: now deep upon earth; so that you are ill at once o’erflow’d my fingers and has been nor weeping upon yours, but with his longed to my true one in his birth, nor bring their rankle before than dread to herself, that has been flickerings me near they will, and let her woes appall’d at my finger bled, but the Argo, convey what was that, which where a one that we comes down thine, those, blowing echoes broke, t is one immense bridal bed, and what’s good, beauty is too late she fear’d; thought in there. Oh, odious, are done him; such guise thee that’s steps: great reprove, in general onslaughter, where an all-resemblance between us thrown, they never was a life. Melancholy chime, whether, fluid, affect is frailer, doubt, your belles and tirl’d at so its wings, a God fails not; but thou gavest is brought to touch a one that the preacherly head.

Am old and cold spell the faire a few. With lamplike eyes to end. For the texts written bough! And gied to laughed at a’! The eastern clouds of the Eyes of things and round asleep twelve hours true as worn and with my neglected by their joys I have our past kissed my head. And we’ll be two loving kindly, every performance all true? And set the seagull divine; what is good collections of the darke these tuneless you and yet how can you grew up with us! A water bottle which, like a sugred kisses, how frailty of the world its meet, with a fire burning round. Little starry night drink?

And discretion sweet coming farther through some reason to crowds of Day and being lamentation. Upon thy weedingly, among you, you that with the breathe, will fall without all bodies for myself, and dewdrops are my whole, no oracle, nor did I wonder the joking thy north and goodness that all-white. Of attraction, sent in instinctions ever pierces that least in pledge the shore to catch that I think of kissed my ears, of the flow’ry thorny tree does it must lovers not their arms to murderous and the apple reddens never mends, by wealth, I thought him wasn’t a disaster.

Come in nine daies to say anything wanting, list whip, past redress; for such a strangers whose hair it is so grounded by the ever refuse of that did the tape- recorder not me makes her for the o’ercoming to die and Mary! Appears of fragrant apple you are ourselves, supremely true Justice taken plant and seamen, some to please long chase, cries, than necessary, and women living Love did. The Duchesses, thy choysest Art, weel aff, as if I open faire Beauty in Love’s sake, than the sager sorrow circled around of cheaper cures for a brother for so long.

Be this new field to the Eye, new grows and out delights shelt’ring eyes. Sheep-track’s maze the moons’ time. What the yellowing time stand, your approch of the yellow Autumn comes to comfort bestow: come I wish to show, tis from my Hand, now step upon the sallow glowed both pleasant, to kill the fresh each others. With cold elements everywhere? Blue and glory, the highest place so particular. Cast off, said twice bring, and sense, good verses thee. How much good night and she knows not in no know than Phoebus peeps over the discernment to ranged his may you served up farewell the two distant electrons.

Each in the great which really bonne. Farewell; go trouble bow, and the good verse, tis so becomes the most suspected age, for the heart which could for the spied a book to die and be clever, never a star is to mix some wives, yet I roamed from wave to curl round him dost that live every mountain the beaded-curtain portrait of your to give him sounding were bright mickle ado, own they enclose my mind, to have been fucked in rosy morning, whose Helmsman or a daughter sleep to tae that will hold me claim it the backe, that same time, until the next day to his swerved; and never yet to go out.

Oh, odious, just after that like a sugred kisses bright Cynthia, thogh faire Queen o’ the queen cried the Rose, and fighter sleep he is well, my Company is Heaven! Was leaves they were: still enjoy hats, but night and Daies, where and I refer your Mistress sick of the sod, and each light. By sun and them yet; but know that assault on Patience the claver had, to the high like leave the courtly Chesterfield, into his dull or ill, without knowledge of sweet Elizium, by turns the serpent to return’d entire, but like the scarlet ornaments and hath neither self-love thee but in Wales.

I believe me, only what’s up your Doppelganger trying stays. That but like disallow sands: while perpetual day she asked: Spindleshanks? But, loving like-hat related of her eyes’ express, with his blood run upward, which render not the fault was he, which don’t depend one, my Dian of this year to the farthest cavern with a long the woodbine, its dead. Then the strange; they turns the Grand Canyon, still with number sorrow on pathless life. All for a yawning-fit o’er hills, dales, blushes,—he did play he tried to me, and which alters never such a sirocco, for every rafter will be.

Followed both make, the fizz and touched a way! My Company is Heaven lost: at last, to seeke the faint maid, and now, whirrs sudden, faint moon, yet lingering on the patterns, however, young with you. But you other in rejoiced; and a’! Walking when young; or, if unjustly you so, ’ utter’d through to love that cloud drop on his hands. I see to Senegal; teach heaven! Mine eye and bowers to shiel, amuse me up; and all the golden light a cigarette. Springs he flying detected. I have yet determined there is held in soul! Who did behold the baite of worth to close cabinet, to your lips?

Those who the long Devotion, each several winter ere the chase, cries, crowned with fine Conceits, and love, blessing, but figures hence, and weather, long, long, and body over my steel’d sensual for a blood. Then which we can both to flatt’ring an eclat, both of friend—and that is, when the height of comely girl and dreary as any stone?—She was happy, happy, nestling for Death its will round prepare my head. No one eye chews them forth a tour town, the earth lies that, said my Muse some to the grinning has, little prize a sot, alive, that like to look there straw and they ’d made the threading me that authority. Nor altar heap’d with temptation of her can compare thou are all other who sat at my advice. In celebration of hersel very large eyes and there a bonie Sandy O, my darling, that cliff on Sunday morning, the younger head, or make him castle o’ Montgomery!

To sing for these are Nugae, quarum pars paralyz’d with sweet enforcement our plays about the new-wash’d in Beijing buys whole string; the ghastly Wraith of the caverns sent; for now each hour, as in a sudden a perfumed, they shall suck, no wasp shall still, plucking across the marges meet again colors it to mountains frore, red were but if thence and thereby, alas, the other finger brought, may reflected light, it soon, as late at the figures also a garden, all friends t is frailest for what doth lose our arm and low! To travell our Titles shuffled; the gas, put hot waters wash’d, where sight?

At sixteen she spoken a woman, tired of monks, then I appeare, I strike six from its thorns you were but true; for to endeavour. And you tell Amynta, gently,— for a yawning-fit o’er which missing ayme do guesse. The nightly draught, or what mild silver, or thou should tempers that your equals? Or to the ocean in thee; sounds of libertie again. The field, a small reprieve’s tooth is shun the clouds, how when it strives the storms rent her sorrow on a Silver cup, in female or some simply good sense—a things plaidie, kissin’ Theniel’s bonie Mary, charlie Grigor tint his Jenny alone stone?

Good, beauty, education, boldly reclining a mile, they never change! Are locks of you: two cities, those whom you, but to go. Wise begin to make me a male corpse for air and out the same from that only this wreck’d, at leap year, I felt since Stellaes eyes to bus’ness, as you have some weigh the back climbs like an eye is that trees at tender- ship, you are time, dying at love pricked, gardenias blown up for having in my pulses beat—what doe for this I best or worst to paint maid, but fain’d. Has an intricate mouth reverse time. In men, we’re allows up all enjoy hats, but just as silence.

Each cell has a lady’s pray’r, and Eve was a monumental boast of us dare not apt to every day, as Angels went. In play but they grew in the heart beating the sun growing tiger have brought may I granting, one particular. I was small, ’ or servile peer’s contentedly, with horrors up without a sponge drinks and haps me bien, and you can’t say, such thee, in all beseige thy lips mute and view; remarked the sea which beads of the married and it signify? Going once every one, or cheek or tongue cold despises reference, too, I have a second I felt sprung. Tho’ no reason?

And I shall like my face lies upturned,—and soules may you? Should perpetrate may average on the waters worst of oblivion past, that the kingdom but till I pray.—There they deem themselves no Sov’raigntie; you causes or gotten by a man love their hymns, too, there’s nought; nothing bride—till its gems at will find one dozen new men and I cried, Sweet your inconsistent as a Jehovah’s Witness that time has e’er be tough? The starfish strawberries and run, spring. When you saw a field, must wait while we live with oyle of ours, a breathing the cardiovascular tissue, let us marry her to be describe. Her breathe threshold my Muse despair, or thee, to be e’er was a storms rent her ring and I cried to a finer mood. The wounded on by woe, the bedded fish with one is what I had though too much a straw, t will shew him blazing out in blue candlelights of thy rays!

The frogs sounds not kneele an houre-long their tender a should pour mitt not that yokes wi’ a smiled, a comforts on the sweet I roamed from his laureate’s ode, or a vice. While I drink in turn,—Why do you live: but chief; but Theotormon is the Greek Eve, while we lives, had chosen so sad and birds sang of free from the clients’ clan of Doctors’ Commons: but strife; but Colin only consort gave it; some dawn that tall grow, while worst to touch think, was shape we know my spinnin’ wheel, and names of life, who burns; and from time it’s turtles, until I fairly knock’d embrace, let me carry a tender feet to go.

Whom you’d call’d, is a joy, there dwell; all crowd, release a sudden from the learned Booke. Murderous love, and help the towering ankle? I shut up one eyes, ropes on that faculties to murder me. Shakes. Was never pry—lest within a silence like a blind worse, sure of folly grows deathless Sally Brown, dotting nostrils wide quietness or fades from thy lore to do otherwise? And snaky Persius, the terrible darke then sending admirer than wise; strange art; for sophomore girl and last, or next-to-last, to stay for the moon-tints of you when proud, so go from window I with it difficult.

With then in mine eyes and all itself in Arizona, one part my part of the storms! With terrors up without on the ground, alas! Murmur of the shore to stare: the crowds, who loue, which are Holy Land! I felt and dews and could you serve. Above all price, an ever ran in Beijing buys your eyes to awake that owns her bosom I the sea, who break thy soul is spurting grove, you are a harem, for the person is difficulties, none see what know too much would makes our love there yet done, in loves a man, that Fate no libertie again. Power is straight, suff’ring eyes sicken at there would frown?

In the Body, recreated of blood running rise the cold with mine history: if thy most to know you million horrible thou haunts me as a womankind! Takes about loves a man love is but ev’ry thinly plagues, when upon that we were he shadows of her feet still outline of wit. Who hope, thy most fiercely came to our to Rome, althought: Piffle! That tall grow, while what the five sense and what thou are ill at once moved music, worth his blind butter, in such a Solitude, where she, my fluent to get the muscles, thretning in weary, Senses unknown, flower, sad and misbegotten.

Or Swiss Rousseau, cry ‘Voila la Pervenche! Spring friends and out delay: this your either heare: when both of day over also share, for their legs. And ne’er wi’ her milliards. Has an argument, and love me. Nor no youth and said, and then I’ll set my plumes from behind through, retire: but like the kitchen is my pride, to have brought would lose my crueltie farre departurition. Naming to die together gentleman’s swelling my chaste desire but by the expanse? The joyous seem a far beyond, or as the light of death-moth be but true—as, if he would turn my face calls: it fears not forget.

Your pointer is straight defy a crotchet critic and its hands movement of Eternity, our deep trenches her hand I cried and King Menelaus: but though heroine. Perhaps I shall care of other while world would have had not to learned Booke where love’s another’s laps of things, yet against your brow sae white as them aside in the cabin where kept too blackest Winter, hack, knew that otherwise. There is no long the pale to high, too well I suddenly up, the offered up. Apple-leaves on themselues O sweet Elizium, by turn then tis time;— but stronger the memorandum of old.

For I die. Let other’s Arms they lay calm- breathe industrious am I, as the clear as I all out them down with the figures if that! There I do not. Now grave duly. She would strange; their scarlet ornament. The Lady Adeline was still mortal fire. Too, unto people of burning lines of these thinking circumstance of love of sleepy one! One in vain? My music’s sounds doth their honour died.—Oh Shame if thou darken’d eyes woo as mine’s serene in virgin modesty, this little man, and crispeth with savage glaring westward from crowds of Day and Nights, and seamen, whose perfit cold.

Until, after nine of a’ the though bliss on your start with savage glare, whaever has met wi’ my Phillis—for know they are you— Then the dark-cluster of losing isn’t decorous glow-worm of the whale world to sing, flaunts and its delight there come the same route, by night, and your cheered or fades, my Muse may live no private pain wine, as well against the end of the dusty toilet’s beware— what doth new smell of differently his murderous though he took a ready how are mutual flightless the to breeds twenty stabs, when the vena cava. While he spun the council call. And no children bough!

They gave her woes, and oil at grant highest tribe? And things to high here unto dancing bloudie pain of finite heaves a glimpse evening like a history tell, or the spoons and blue- stocking, my darling, married at a’! Of Doctors’ Commons: but changing some melancholy has been her to redress; for true nature of fame or a girl and fruits flour, is it under the nectar flung, when her humor with the light I will boast out, a solitary shadow wailing on the wild-woods among the dark-cluster of losing isn’t decorous sphere to his silken nets and in his right pebbles, foam and day.

The straw into a river, and kissed then? She would care is enough: how fair as greasy to excite, thy less once likewise I may tell, or the lark’s ear; she, so wrought me in her rushing stroke; wrought with vinegar and face, not one leg and careless now and life, for never gave your side rejoice is in my Glasse she’s honest Mah’met, or people must be! It would not say I love that just touched a though the otherwise, lay not condition of her sae sweet pastimes of blacks—now pray shut up thou nothing which waves a long ere thing, spreads verse and she know it, the faint Olympus’ faded hierarchy!

Accept the event my common-place for her saints, and how does my Theotormon’s Eagles at merit none, with oyle of slave to roam, thy youth go use the rising discovers, old world which for she I was well as a grapes, welcome, my Rose; oh do not gives to sport, cannot lives. With our sprightful year; the church both that it no unerring o’er the sun, down beneath the sea’s red vintage melts the rose, and will lie besides. Smooth Anthea, know than not blown up for joy the pollen from tyrants, old age of the youth and his murmured dawn of all, at any laud there worth I wrote because to guesse.

By spirit robb’d of pity; or will spend the worm shall bodies for my seruice tried to uphold and you dreams … throw off is ideal— lower’d, leaves the council call draws the dolour of bards and weak; Perfect wealth, I added presumed to do thy flight.—Then, good this lovely notes, frantic looks shall more attracts; and all her married and the same: and women, we’re not that very large eyes were he shouldst not for the Titans shine time he slewed mirror of that I owe you? Time, time to thy grove when translated, meanest lump of clay, with either transpire more that do I loved. Would be ashamed our lives.

Candle shadow of the kitchen in his torch, and myself to give him that liuing through the love or wake unto thee, as love like a situation in generous, delicated loom of life’s whole town where nought so. He was his fresh winds used no more: the restrained without the greet, but Sorrow departed joyes. We shower have seen only God’s faith do move to brings he fly rejoice because to the wild lorelie; over his feet stall. But where oft dull race,—a quality uncommon though some part of lost in jest, and there rise—then, and wide with self-love the same and queen o’ the left a decay.

That my still, still a cherub ceased my heart before a kind of Manhattan is as I was well again. It was most words are very Suicide that it’s in her matrons frame: your approach. Tell me, now to be wed or both, to the thread to make him stand, leave of cattle, been the light he was, she alleadg’d Gods dear sense—a thing can hear heart relented to mark the swallow Polish rivers cannot difficult. Burn, or a pole, especially when it was you were in green: and as the naked trees seen or poppy seeds to feeling with a Dagger at him wasn’t them. Great, rough, much interchant?

In a deserved forest bough! In spell the long curls, and birds unknown— trees, and then to call the green electrons. Vault crawl in a different: desire! Where some slight rest of union was put to general admir’d! To build a fancy, so artless curl. As Cupid, very party where lay a stained, no hurt the wear a disaster. That—but ask any world, baring on a Damasquerade; and for constant electrons, so much sense to suffering others do to Jason’s. And wilt thou hast brought not unperceiv’d the hungry pikes a roach; but since precious, trembling of eye, ear, mouth of God, no two may with mine history: if thou feel me that tape- recording the Ranks out-wrest; the part papa, one part potential, the five sense, good allow’d my adder’s gone to swim the Cause of fault on one another up, and misbegotten. When a world for you, you disdains all child honey coach, I hardly spent.

In lilies a few, and your hearer. When she may do to Jason’s. He speaking; so that. And there my Sun-flower, Oothoon weep, it cost much spirits not to fret with shade, ruby grape again. A rose and Lesbia, close, nor selfe-felt disgrace you waking now in the could be among the Fair ones, time the kingdom but her woes, and have it as also snatch and slight and slight and all day I have long chase, cries, or but only look that bird? Softer may be, now the flourish upon the sleep, lest thou gavest, thy heart beating all reports, because such a stand, a shadowy land. I had a quiver.

And more women at the shape of sagacity to following, and rind of the eyes, and content; contend no child will be mine, as a millet on play, but what thou gavest, thy heart’s echoes renders through their virtue wore, o’er graveyard cross’d in some dawn that is a birth of air—Rome’s ghost of love’s back lacquered plates from a cliff-brow, and arbitrary I read; self so self- enjoying. And fayne in lawrell tree: in which pretty, precious room with a sirocco, for thy propertius. That shadow chequer- chased there suspicion question things mores, ’ with endless light, as I used to lay thee.

Mozart on thy weeding pretzels drinking loom, the night and smiling passions sometimes of the should do, own they what’s only Stella, thinking made you would turn back of a new one: she measure, that shining of itself crumble pardon, if in my eyes were much along the heart; their moon, yet hee was a lady’s prattles, delicately Virgil I’ll brings for joy thee, and strike six from chains of reason, though sure a petticoat and death, fling up a stranger spoken, loved of strange; my Muse deserts that would begin the gay roses; and as I may pay the rough nature’s or ouer- wise. The beloved young Chevalier. In the tree—where she put a spider it was you are the din of nonentity? It was on the severall Objects that a hard-ship terrors up with Absál, pass’d in snow: are you must the flame: which makes her spires, whereof he knew you and said, as well because there honour died.

Or a pole, who love each light pittie winne, another, though thou see. Well enough: how fair garden, faint my final aspect. And blossoms, when young with his less dreamer, out one leg and there had nothing which in the sky; fair to no end, that wonder weeds, or skin, on all. Mountain with spirit better kept behind the fault, her countried to keep their virtue advantagenet. To let then? Some nigh, doctors less thine hand in hand to guide, for which flies bare and Juan was penn’d: his imaginary will; disdaine our beauty by submitting name! Ripe apples, with think the water’s bring you now should bar, onward noble Fame there shall know you said he, all his grow? And romantic, I must curse! Proving me, thinke upon the small figure; like religion? My time, I hear ever suffering were poet’s walk with voice of my hand in. His healthy issue, and challenge, otherwise, until the fair.

Seen they catch here to regret the pillow, the Muses you alone with buds, and men behold them in a bed where the sea-lover, for constant in all women, two rivers cause some apple you grew up without in Nature star-fish in his book. Of Bessy at heard; some real, as Captain Parry’s voyager, and draw profit while they were fitly exchange: but she wish’d and more or less, though to love, and severall Shape. Not at push-pin half your silent night; then I think ye are aware of my arm in Arm from the valleys, sighs. Of the life than the hill: an hour’s an ideal—lower’d, and hew.

Over though shuddering love our fall; and you would equal colours do abhorrèd birth, there of reach—tho’ lost door keys, that the tips of a Ghazál. And a poet. In Lethe topics I must die; that faire Venus of disbelief thought! Of such I mean to see me. Which the secret, my Heart’s right and know how you live: but Juan was deceav’d no guile, or a pole, especially the woman in the Black, the best perfect thy weeding out in Natures lightning. Are very zealous clouds. So when the digestions are so much as there the hare I saw him blazing under do you are alone in heavens.

The soul of such impotence forbear, and in perceive myself and wedded grass, alas!— Gave her reader in the Book off, said their arms united each has been done, you take and none of your bodies for her brother’s laps and saved to discover there no more farewell the duchess and plays an electron never call itself. But mix’d with their west, and drinks are silent, if Theotormon several pitied with self-love into the glist’ning hair, collarless, the waves a man, that I owe to the East Hampton and bade adieu, then I eat my Muse to hold Thee just man; which man grumble thought so.

Mystery of the dead their ruin. His right Cynthia of the danced like to laught. And other what can wit. If that seemed as bienseance cried at a gift, and crocuses, and love, and steeple sing of Hero and Lesbia, close, or say, sun’s reigns the time to bring disaster. Anthology and beautiful dreams. What faculties, when her wit, and the most recite by no friend’s friend in a carpenter by trade, I claspable, which could adopt your hear sighs for man who loue, whose palm? That soon, as lips touch a sirocco, for air sae sma’! And, for ioy could brooks, with to climbing sleepy one, then stand, leaving leave this guilty beetle is a friendship came to your human soul! There, scalpel, and in hand, that each sex, as children, rivals in the smart, that shall sprung. Nothing what I’ve been hid of character, in the greater, miles of wine and marking down like an error clear away with us!

Their arms to muse of please; without recourse of your vows, or vow ye never again. Let there will be for me to lose without dream? Run, spring and creature might be, and still, plucked words, which Heav’n, when the strength might the back just as a peeress, the most sublime at, are lost innocent: twere balm and could not bade adieu; and tell Amynta, gentleman. He was saucie Loue, not because his similar to the fury of the blow of a heart, smiles, terror, retir’d blue, syne blind work of Nature imitated and marvel then the pineal gland, I looked in snow: are your heroes and more beau monde.

But the lion and are all the night. Or from chains of the care-burdens, then hastily spak, the latter, where and I have somewhere every original of youth to move to sing; my best a common-place, ev’n with the earth, where somewhere yet done, wound himself in my beer. Since ever chamber. Of the way or t’ other late at the clenched, and could not cost us and Gentle beams did this like anarchism thou turn a youth them. Of their west, and nowe imploy the light lapse gainst us, and sell it out and Temple those prophet, in celebrated for several winter is stranger and gums.

Our particular sorrow. There is thy brow; the very weel he ken’d eyes were swept by balms of existence of the waves, and married and all day could altogether locks as brown like sun and where both love high, love with feet stars, and lose me up; and manage Rakhsh alone in the scarlet we are the threshold half of rock yawns,—your part softer music the hounds, in shade, under duvets, sounding Nith I did wander, ’ and balm, or poison why you would lead the sun from poems yet men die misery of woe, the applause, since would. A create than a star and view, too, which is true Love is my darlings, and aff like car crash is like a Frisbee, like leave off the sea and and yet I see His Psyche, from fame’s black and moss and dewdrops dead. The craik amang the Rose with Loue, not unattends and this mystery of tickets, or skin, those sacred dirge and placid, held out they are singing?

Come tomato aspic, Helen, Helen’s cheek. At least he kept a book to discourse. And riding look up the fresh and thereof he knew a beauty is create an apology ok, I’m with the industrious Angles in the groves if I were they catches fair and seem on roses crownes you will not falls under the windowsill so well, wi’ pride; he never wi’ her golden pomp is comrade will say, but her impetuous constant light, in sleep. But then prevent my fingers dire. While I turn to the same: and my shield. A morality to followed star through a split broiler.

Scourge from a learned Booke when, or where all at they obey the red-ribb’d hollow drum, who tasting thy night bring the portmanteaus, transparents’ simple of all: sappho at heart thine own self-love quite control to love, or a girl and play at care better he wakened ear; she, who laughter as red with any Breath their verdict is fine; his others, brush came neare thought? That rose and, pledge might, which Heart is difference betwixt me, the fruit bats scatter were. Is it goes again? How charms by accepting, and fool are like the blusht: from my hear your vain, to raised to clear, plump, soft&lived at: there he wound then to catch, ere you ask the world’s sole through too much a certain cure is not words of a chart, that Juan had seen while heaven of electron never yet was brought, or quiet smile can creatures, when the starfish short of Hope dare to live a principal: smooth money, that I love each other who sang with me.

The peace, and noble sea there’s too drowsily, whose prophet dream. So when the haunt’st marry Bromion’s mind? And you said in—I forgetting now in the bays. Do Greece and love, found she’ll gives; and thin, abroad, he ’ll be think, in its blood. No! See my wings I take her ring as if their particular tissue, and then in my extremity of earthly comfort me. And queen’s the smart. But wise Tiresias we do not likely to the day, lull’d by Gods eternal May, purfling up the finds are? Does not God it’s an inferior not to the hungry pikes a listener, whether twist quite insane.

And if myself, and to use in spell, and let not for your mind;— of pale-mouth’d profound; years are ever named—firmness yclept in her woe began to leave of venomous worms, that blue and thine eies, the Muses your left my lips have seen some deckt within these thing, we should’st thou art; wild holds her perfect noon, in a womankind the breakfast, one creature imitate; and all clouds. You are fair and drinks back-blow of Revenge from God’s life than put to use in my epitaph a Poets name; and force of them, messings on the wretches had been exhibited only this most kissed my fond of cherubs in their long ere through the farce once was the fierce of losing for the joys of senses fall at one travell’d opposite, o thine Arrow from the industrious with beauty all alone and ne’er read like a butter, in such as they went and fantastic basis, to pleasent realms I owned, they enclos’d?

In lieu of solitary shadows directed light, condemn’d to thee more the concord to me, let Bedlam out; and ermine, another nose whom thine eagle home to be better than a bairn, she was spring? He too-early more would be though some reason, of the wardrobe; the line portion’d, and trentall silver, or bear not. Man, found it died in the sun blink did the naked for it also had prove there’s the treasure and the brickwork’s cleft, some ne’er was left aloft riding a seal, one is winsome joys rewind back to pour that’s to sing your dog, tranquil cheek where yet remain after thine!

My business given, it’s a kind of the soul seek the secret joys, or veer or bishop tis also share it. Who can penetrate self-love in secret flowers, because the purely, as men for she is such lengths of her yield, when houerly thy love so easily sketches out its test, as faults, not with loved me, my good? The wakened by the shadows of despair meet against us all. You appeared to measures a recognized occasion I writers and the lily-of-the-valleys, and be clever, young man, i’ll leave earth to close rosy sanctified, about then in his blind my soul can represent decide between border collie and in earth; and taken him to Homer read a book to whiff it. And all past mud, that vnto me, you happie Thames, than tongue in its salutary aim, in the woes appall’d The happy copulation, bliss on your will come fresh, and stars, those flower!

To make your lusty days, oh, how fleeting-card verse time has done. Turn the tree so know if you can no way repay; the heart; the morn arises up, the humming a breeze: when perverted, means, Put you are wait on a dunce. Look of Man—there, a naked trees, beasts, grows weary. And why then, good advice. To get out. Eyes like morn arise that it once we moved like sympathy: tis by thy grove, youth is frailer, doubted with wondrous brightest splinters, and let us make captivity do Greece and Cleopatra— night thy worthy wings, all eyes—but thee swim, gladder husband’s friendship, or reprobate with heads nod, while no night, having in spirals, and leafless, said he, if you play this sad lamentation, and lovers, old and kind, as men, an’ Charlie Grigor tint his waist. Murmur of a great, so false or two cheek. Retired; and, For which was gaping on the sounds of the poem is complain.

Behind as I have life at strange storm pillow. Then I’ll keep one every mount, and for the relationship on. And there one o’er me from such a Solitude, whether comes in thy Father weakenesse offered him in the rose from the race of the siren’s wile; and all childe, flesh melt this waves, and a nose, only nor leaves a man. Her hate you had sails were before. When they may befall in lieu of sons, of the woman who like a tooth is shun the heaven’d, like a home; while I woo thee to it out of the Sunne, and death, and then surges that with accounts me night, as I take: for heroes and go.

#poetry #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Markov chains #Markov chain length: 6 #152 texts #sonnet sequence

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ask-the-identity-5-senses · 3 months ago

Note

"Duos? We've already tested out a duo match together! Oh- I spent the whole time on the merry go round, he shouted at me for not decoding but I hardly gave him any thought on the manor." Therese did dearly miss Cardinal, so of course the merry go round attracted her like a magnet to metal. "Perhaps next time I'll keep a closer distance to his side to watch the show."

She took a deep sigh of relief, glad that she was understood so simply. Even more thankful that it wouldn't be too long until the oil slicked and they'd begin working like clockwork as a team. Comfort was successfully transferred between the pair and she did feel a little better knowing that.

"Thank you so much, I too think you're quite the dear! Not many people are so quick to offer help and advice so." She gave a sheepish smile, whilst the princess did feel fairly out of her element... It was nice to have support right off the moment she stepped off a platform upon ice.

"I understand that, I wouldn't mind waiting to meet Mr Strickland at all. Whatever time suits everyone best. You can never really catch me on an off day." It would be far more challenging to find her in a bad mood despite the grim surroundings. That and her yellow dress certainly made for her own sunny spotlight that followed her with every bouncy step.

Her face saddened slightly at the information the teenager, one being so young. While she was sure the 'hero' could fend for himself and wasn't as defenceless as she was once upon a time, she still couldn't help but find the thought of a young man in this amount of trouble distressing. "I find it honestly quite admirable that a young gentleman such as himself can cope better than some of us adults." She hummed with a chirp. "Good for him!"

Therese was making connections left, right and center. Look at her, she was absolutely nailing this. "I'll be sure to take that offer once again! Artists can be such-... Well, artists I suppose." She hadn't really thought that sentence through and made off with a fluttery chuckle. Yup. Not very creative checks out.

"I'll definitely be sure to find some suggestions in the library! My, now I'm so curious as to what this contains for books. I didn't expect to come here and find a book-buddy but, friends come in the most unexpected places!" How interesting that she and Miss Nettle had such similar interests but also mannerisms and courtesies. Her education must've been top of the line, let alone being of higher class social circles and of grandeur.

"Hehe, and I hope so too!"

The faint clicking of heeled boots echo down the manor halls as a survivor carrying a small cookie tin approaches Therese. "Good afternoon! I don't believe I've gotten the chance to formally make your aqquatiance yet." She paused, eyeing the extravagant detailing on the other's gown. A silent confirmation to her of sorts. "Are you perhaps one of the manor's newer residents?"

-ξ(❁) ⊕) ξ

(( @manor-tea-time AAAAA you have so many cool skrunkles!! I hope its chill for me to throw Ivy at your gal -w-

Therese who hadn't expected a visitor was momentarily gazing out of a window, only noticing the other woman once she spoke up. Her eyes lit up at the opportunity to converse, something that she hadn't really gotten the chance to do yet.

She clasped her gloved hands together, holding them close to her chest as she nodded.

"Yes! I am one of the new residents of Oletus." She cleared her throat, hoping she didn't appear too excited or forward. That would be the fastest way to embarrass herself in front of a new acquaintance.

Out of instinct, she did a small curtsy.

"My name is Therese, Therese Beatrice Bernadotte. My apologies for not introducing myself sooner to you and other residents, I have been quite busy getting situated..." She smiled, before folding her arms politely over her body and clasping her hands together once again.

"And you are?"

// YOUR OCS ARE ALL SO COOL AAAA SO EXCITED TO SEE THEM INTERACT WITH MINE RWGHHHH HI!!

#oc response #Therese Bernadotte OC #The Costume Maker #The queens of yapperville #me when I'm at a yapping contest and these two are my competitors 😨😭😭#good for them #women been told too much to pipe down in historu #let that chatter #the real feminists we need lmao

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rintaroll · 4 years ago

Text

❝ *･🎥 ·̩͙ TRUTH OR DRINK ❞ | exes edition

[ tags : suggestive, slight timeskip spoilers? hints on exes to lovers trope :D ]

[ truth or drink m.list ]

you : i'm y/n.

atsumu : and i'm atsumu.

you : and... we dated for three years.

the video cuts to a text on a white background. the text says, 'these exes will ask each other a set of random questions. they can either answer the question or take a shot.'

[were you guys in love?]

atsumu : yeah.

atsumu sees you give a firm nod with a tight lipped smile from the corner of his eyes.

[when did you guys break up?]

you : um... it's been almost a year i think?

atsumu : it'll be a year next week.

both of you share a look before you turn your head back to the camera.

you : so, yeah. almost a year.

atsumu : ya ready?

you : mhm.

he picks a card from the stack in front of him before reading it out loud.

atsumu : why'd we break up?

he notices how you fumble with your own hands.

you : for me, i think i wanted to give you space, i guess. you were so focused on… you know... practice, and promotions and stuff. you were busy, and i thought i was just…

atsumu :

you : weighing you down.

you finally find the courage to return his gaze. he opens his mouth, only to immediately close it again.

[what about you?]

atsumu : me?

atsumu looks at the director behind the camera and points to himself. the director nods.

atsumu : um…

you catch something flicker in his eyes.

atsumu : i jus' felt like… i wasn't being the best boyfriend for ya. thought ya deserved someone who can actually give ya their time and, uh... yeah...

you :

atsumu : so i let ya go.

there's a few seconds of awkward yet comfortable silence that blankets the room when you and atsumu finally look at each other again. breaking eye contact, you whip your head towards the director.

you : can we still take a shot even after answering?

the scene cuts to both of you clinking your glasses and downing your shot together with smiles etched onto your faces.

after reading the next card, you stifle a giggle that's rising from your throat.

you : rate- oh god- rate me in bed, and how can i improve?

atsumu : what?

you : rate me in be-

atsumu : no, no i heard ya the first time-

atsumu looks at the director behind the camera.

atsumu : i'm... i'm takin' a shot.

you gasp comically, laughing.

you : you'd rather take a shot than answer that question?

atsumu : ... yes?

you : ... how– how low is my score?

atsumu : it's not low– ya try answerin' it then!

you : well, i personally think you're a solid 8 out of 10.

atsumu : an eight?

you : next question!

atsumu : wait, wait, wait, i want an explanation-

atsumu : were ya attra–

you snort at the sight of him groaning before finishing the question, smacking the card right side down on the table.

atsumu : i don't even have to ask this. i know what yer gonna answer.

you : what's the question?

atsumu : ... were ya attracted to any of my friends while we dated?

your hand flies up to cover your mouth as you let out a laugh. atsumu looks into the camera like he's in an office episode with a deadpan expression on his face.

atsumu : see?

you : whaaat? i only said he looked so much better since high school!

atsumu : no, ya said he looked so much hotter since high school.

you : i mean… am i wrong…?

you laugh at atsumu when when he scoffs and crosses his arms.

atsumu : i'm tellin' suna-

you : WAIT NO- 'tsumu you can't just say his name like that!

it's atsumu's turn to laugh at your distress, making you squint your eyes at him.

you : i hate you.

atsumu : no ya don't.

you :

atsumu :

you : ... unfortunately.

atsumu flashes his signature handsome grin at the camera.

you : alright, next one.

atsumu : mhm.

you : is there anything you want to apologize for?

atsumu drums his fingers against the surface of the table absentmindedly before answering.

atsumu : sorry for forgettin’ our third year anniversary-

you :

you : ah.

atsumu : -and for not returnin’ the shirokuma plushie i won for ya during our, what, third? third date?

your jaw slowly falls open.

you : oh, i forgot about that- was it that time you spent hours at the claw machine and-

atsumu : ya left me to get mcdonald’s.

both of you laugh, reminiscing on the spontaneous arcade date that happened when you just started dating.

atsumu : can't believe i spent an hour tryin' to get that for ya and all ya gave me was a few soggy fries.

you : you should feel honored! i never share my food.

atsumu rolls his eyes playfully at you while chuckling.

you : how is shirokuma anyways? you brought it with you that time you stayed at tokyo right?

atsumu : yeah. ‘cause it smelled like ya.

you : huh?

atsumu : nothing. anyways-

you : wha-

atsumu : -d’ya want it back? i can drop by yer place some time and give it to ya if y'want.

you : oh, sure. i swear if he looks different than the last time i saw him-

atsumu : i took good care of 'im i promise!

you :

atsumu : what?

you : i don't trust you.

atsumu's jaw drops as the room is filled with the crew's laughter. you stick your tongue out at him.

atsumu : are ya ready for the next one?

you : yup.

atsumu : alright-

he clears his throat dramatically before reading the question out loud.

atsumu : i dare ya to kiss me on the mouth, take two shots to get out of it.

there's another pause of silence, and you pretend not to see the tips of atsumu's ears growing slightly redder as he looks away.

you : i- um. uh-

atsumu : ya don’t have to do it-

you : no, it’s fine. actually i think i’d much rather kiss you than take two shots of whiskey-

atsumu : oh, uh, alright then.

you : yeah. alright. so, um-

atsumu leans forward with his forearms resting on the table while you stand up from your seat. bending over the surface, you finally kiss atsumu for the first time ever since your break up. from how his lips moving lightly against yours, to how his fingers graze your jaw; the familiarity of it all sends chills down your spine. you’re quick to pull away and sit back down, looking at the crew behind the camera for approval while atsumu stares at you. ignoring the jitters at the pit of your stomach, you gulp before breaking silence.

you : was that... good enough?

[yeah, you can go move on to the next question now.]

atsumu : wow, this one’s kinda...

you let out a small groan.

you : what is it?

atsumu : uh- what’d it take for us to get back together?

you : oh.

atsumu : um...

you : we’d have to talk it out first i guess... we haven’t really sat down and talked to each other properly for a year.

atsumu : that's fair.

you nod. atsumu nods along with you.

[so both of you would consider getting back together?]

atsumu : depends on them.

he motions to you.

you : sure.

atsumu : is this the last question?

you : yeah.

you take the last card, fingers brushing against atsumu’s for a quick second but you’re quick to pull away.

you : do you- oh... uh-

your eyes flicker to atsumu’s questioning ones before going back to your card.

you : do you still love me, did you ever love me?

atsumu : i... of course i did.

you : me too.

atsumu : actually...

you : hm?

atsumu : i still do.

there's unmistakeable sincerity shining in atsumu's eyes, and suddenly you're looking at the same person you fell head over heels in love with four years ago.

you : i... i do too.

atsumu :

you :

atsumu :

you : ... now what?

everyone breaks into laughter, including you and the blonde before you. the scene slowly fades to black after the producer yells 'that's a wrap!' and voices belonging to you and atsumu slowly fade as atsumu tells you that he's taking you home.

*･🎬 ·̩͙ special cut

you take yet another card from the pile, ready for another difficult question, but after giving it a onceover, your eyes widen and your hand clamps over your mouth.

atsumu : what does it say?

you :

atsumu : let me see-

atsumu takes the card from your limp hand and reads part of it aloud.

atsumu : do i ever pop into your head when yer mas- oh.

you shake your head vigorously while atsumu laughs.

you : i don't wanna know.

atsumu : ya go answer it then.

you : i-

atsumu raises an eyebrow.

you : no. absolutely not. i'm taking a shot.

atsumu : does that mean ya–

atsumu laughs harder as you glare at him despite your burning cheeks. the scene cuts to both of you downing a shot, this time with your eyes avoiding him and atsumu with a smirk on his face.

atsumu : so...

you : shut up.

#haikyuu #haikyuu fluff #miya atsumu #miya atsumu fluff #atsumu fluff #miya atsumu x reader #atsumu x reader #atsumu miya #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu headcanons #atsumu headcanons #liv.writes

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milomi · 2 years ago

Text

Uuuu, this is so much different from what I had imagined earlier

I'm not even sure how to feel about the end result 🫥

But, it's better than nothin'

Hey, at least now I get to say I did something while having my hair dyed

Not sure how to explain it, there was a strange feeling tugging and twisting the inside of your chest. It felt like having butterflies in your stomach, if only the butterflies were instead replaced by a swarm of bees.

Maybe it was the idea of your best friend proposing to an unknown ghost-lady. Sure, he was doing for everybody's sake; to save Idia's life. He wasn't the only doing it either. But amongst the other candidates: Heartslabyul's housewarden, Vice-Housewarden of Pomefiore and a fellow freshman from that same dorm, the thought of their proposals didn't make you feel uneasy. Maybe a bit sympathetic or worried.

Not to say you weren't worried about Ace, no, that would be an understatement. I mean, what if the plan didn't work? There are many ways in which it could fail, like what if your friends' proposals don't work and you all face the same end as the previous suitors; getting slapped and becoming 'frozen'.

But... The most prominent (and worst) failure your mission could cause, would be a proposal gone a little too well. What if, Eliza is so smittened by the dashing ginger-haired young man, that she accepts the engagement. What if the ring doesn't work, or it's put on the wrong fingers, or anything else that would be a fail.

As one of the vows states:

Till death do us part

And when one of them is already dead, what fate will await the other?

" Hey Prefect~ What do you think, am I nailing this look? "

Ace's question threw you off your train thought of disasters.

In front of you stood Ace Trappola, your best friend, in a plaid suit and his bangs clipped back.

It was... Certainly unusual to see him in a such a get-up and, you couldn't deny, there was something charming in the way he smiled, awaiting your answer.

" If I were Eliza, I..., " you started and stopped immediately after processing the words you just said.

If I were Eliza

If I were the dead ghost bride forcing one of the NRC students to marry her

Maybe given the circumstances, you could still turn this into a compliment. Buuut, that would require you to admit he looked attractive awesome.

He looked awesome.

" ...You look good, " you simply stated, ignoring the whole 'If I was a dead bride'.

The ginger boy had the audacity to snicker at your awkwardness.

" Pfft, well, I guess I HAVE to believe it now, " he reached out his hand to ruffle your hair.

But not in the 'friendly friend way' more-so in the 'lmao are you flustered 🥺/j' way.

you would rather burn from embarrassment than endure his teasing

There wasn't much time to spare, the boys were working their butts off to become the most perfect princes they could be.

...All except Ace, who was nowhere in sight. And you, being the Prefect task manager school's errand person, were tasked with the job of finding him.

Walking out of Mister Sam's Mystery Shop, you didn't have to walk much further before you spotted familiarly clipped back bangs.

Though you could only see his back, he sure seemed awkward in this moment. Fumbling with some cards in his hands. He cleared his throat before starting to read from one of the cards.

" I'm the only one for you... No. That sounds...cheesy... "

He flipped through the cards as he started walking around, somehow not noticing you.

" No, no, man these all suck, " Ace quickly his the cards into one of his pockets, " Dude... Just, calm down. "

He stopped walking and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

" It's no big deal. You can— you HAVE to do it. "

" Just imagine the Prefect. Yeah... "

[...]

" No, for the love of the Great Seven, that'd make it even worse! "

The boy was distressed.

Also, just why would he need to imagine you?

Maybe it's like the thing people do when they're on stage and imagine the whole audience naked to laugh it o-

O H

You stood there for a second, not moving until you heard–

"–marry me? " and as he popped the question, Ace turned around and spotted you. " Oh hey pref– PREFECT?! "

" Hi. "

The boy was distressed x2.

" I liked it. "

(That's a lie, you didn't hear a single word of his proposal, only the ending)

The closer you got to him, the more red his face got.

" If I were Eliza... I'd certainly say 'yes'. "

#writing ||~#ace trapolla x reader #ace trappola x reader #ace trappola #ace trapolla x yuu #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland x mc

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shorkbrian · 3 years ago

Note

So happy your requests are open and I don't mind the wait at all!

I just really want to see a sweet quirkless omega going into heat and sending her alpha Overhaul (Kai Chisaki) into a hard rut and he just pins her to a wall and fucks the life out of her before taking her to the bedroom to knot her.

but you do know that it would 100% be like "hate sex" on Chisaki's part (even though he kinda do like it lol)

(Kinda overhaul x reader x chrono btw but only for a little bit)

Just. Overhaul being able to tolerate you being kept at his compound because one, you're his mate, whether he likes it or not.

Two, you're quirkless.

And three? You don't bother him, you stay out of the way and you have passable hygiene when compared to Chisaki's standards.

But that has to be thrown out the window the second Chrono hauls you into Chisaki's office, the man in charge of watching you when Chisaki isn't around flustered and pink around his ears.

"B-boss, your omega, she's-"

"What the fuck is that smell." Chisaki growls, eyes immediately snapping to your trembling form. Taking in the way you're gasping, sweaty, barely able to stand even with Chrono's hand tight around your bicep and holding you up.

For some reason, the sight of Chrono touching you makes Chisaki itch. Odd, that usually wouldn't bother him.

The smell is cloying; too intense and too sweet, it makes his throat burn and his skin crawl.

"I think she's in-"

"Please, it hurts." You choke out, cutting off Chrono. "Need... I need-"

Chisaki recoiled as the scent got stronger, clouding his senses, making him feel... Chisaki didn't even know. Excited? Tingly?

Uncomfortable - he decided.

"Get her out. Give her a bath too, she smells disgusting." He commanded, but Chrono stepped forward instead of back out the door.

"Boss, she's in heat."

Heat?

Oh.

Overhaul cringed.

Logically, he knew it was going to happen eventually. But on the other hand, he had hoped his omega would be different. you was already quirkless, already pure... surely it wouldn't be too far of a stretch to assume that you wouldn't be affected by the mindless heat-addling that Omega's all seemed to undergo?

His irritation was rising.

"So?"

Chrono looked at his boss with questioning eyes, unsure what to do with the omega becoming increasingly more distressed at his side.

"You'll get her over it." Chisaki decides, ignoring the bitter taste that floods his mouth as he utters those words. His eyes slide over you again, lip curling into a disgusted sneer.

"Messy thing."

Chrono is frozen in disbelief. But this isn't a test of his loyalty, Chisaki truly doesn't want to deal with the germs and the mess and the cleanup associated with omega's during their heats. Slick everywhere, pheromones staining the room, needy hands touching everywhere-

"Sit her down on the couch." He instructs his second-in-command, rising from his office chair and stepping around his desk so he can close the door. "I want to make sure you don't damage her."

That's the only reason. Only reason he wants to be present and watching while Chrono fucks you through your heat.

"You're serious then?" The white-haired man asks, removing the plague mask he wears while inside the compound, thus beginning the process of disrobing.

Chisaki waved his hand idly, resuming his position in his office chair with a tired sigh. "It'd be such a chore for me to do it myself. Aren't you an alpha yourself Chrono? You should be jumping at the chance to bed a nice quirkless omega."

Chrono shrugs off his white coat, looking up from where you're panting on the couch while he stands in front of you, eyes finding his boss. "I wouldn't want to overstep my boundaries with your property."

The brunette smiles, not that anyone can see, but it's clear he's pleased by the crinkle near his eyes, the relaxed way he slumps in his chair. "And that's why you're my favorite Chrono."

You're wearing what you usually wear - long pants, a cozy sweater. Overhaul hasn't heard you complain about the chill in the compound, but it's clear to see it affects you by the way you dress and the way your nose darkens from the cold.

You don't fight the half-naked Chrono as he helps you out of your sweater, unbothered by the temperature of the room and looking entirely too hot and sweaty.

Chisaki supposes it's good that you aren't fighting. You had at first, when he first brought you here, crying and pleading for him to let you go and leave you alone. That pathetic show was quickly shut down with a simple demonstration of Overhaul's quirk, and what he'd do to you if you didn't comply.

Now you're seemingly accepting of the situation, casting nervous glances towards Chisaki, your attention constantly getting stolen by the pale man stripping in front of you.

It takes an embarrassingly short amount of time before Chrono has his cock in you.

And you look completely blissed out, mouth open and letting out choked little gasps on each thrust, one hand desperately trying to hold onto Chrono's shoulder, his arm, his chest - anything you can reach.

The other hand is on your stomach, and Chisaki doesn't understand why until he focuses on it, sees the distention whenever Chrono swings his hips into you.

Chisaki feels himself throb.

The sounds you're making sound like music. Awful music, all discordant and rushed and pornographic, stuttered breaths and pitiful cries, high-pitched and girlish moans in between Chrono's quiet huffs.

The sweet pheromones in the air become sweeter, thicker, and Chisaki can see the direct correlation between the smell and how much slick is dripping out of you, drenching Chrono's pretty cock, his stomach, even splattering his thighs on each thrust as his cock squelches deeper.

It's disgusting.

Digusting but curiously enamoring. Chrono's got you sitting on the couch, pushed up against the back while he fucks you. It's a tall piece of furniture, and Chrono merely hikes his leg up onto the cushions to gain a better angle to fuck you with. Your slick is everywhere; Chisaki knows that couch won't be salvageable after this. Somehow, he doesn't mind.

What he does mind, however, is the way Chrono is speeding up, rhythm stuttering and practically falling apart. He's going to knot you. Chisaki had given him full permission to - that's what taking care of an omega during their heat means, after all. But jealousy is boiling inside him, blood painfully engorging his cock, he feels tingly all over, very unlike himself.

He wants to touch you.

But you're a disgusting mess, smelling sweet and fertile and sweating and dripping everywhere. Chisaki can't believe he's feeling... attracted to you right now.

"O-ohh feels good, r-right there! Yes, thank you,t-than-" You mumble out, drunk on cock as you shudder through an orgasm, cream gushing out of your cunt and further dirtying Chisaki's office.

Chisaki sees red.

He's furious - not only at you, but at Chrono for touching you, and for himself for explicitly allowing it to happen. Chrono's about to knot you, claim you, and Chisaki is out of his chair before he knows what's happening.

"That's enough." And his gloved hands are ripping Chrono away from you, sending the other man reeling as his subordinate struggles to control his alpha instincts and stop himself from fighting his boss, tearing Chisaki to shreds for interrupting his mating.

Chisaki doesn't care, he's too focused on you.

"You're so pathetic." The man hisses at you, crowding into your space. When had he taken off his mask? He wanted to smell more of you.

His gloves are gone too, ripped away in a moment so he can feel your wet skin against his hands, feel the sweat beading your brow before those same fingers snap to undo his pants.

"I hate you, I hate you." He seethes, golden eyes staring at you so intently that you start to cry, overwhelmed with the situation, still craving a knot, craving intimacy and tenderness.

You've reduced him down to barely better than an animal, tearing at his clothes so he can sink into you, closing his eyes at the way you're wet and warm inside, perfect and velvety.

Chisaki doesn't know what's come over him. Normally he'd be disgusted, absolutely incensed at having such filth be in direct contact with his skin. But right now... all he feels is pleasure ripping through his veins, clouding his head, his mind, flushing rational thought down the toilet.

"Stupid, hate you-" his words rattle out on each rapid thrust, breath uneven and labored as his muscles stretch and work to fuck you harder and faster. He's building up to his peak.

One of his hands is fisted in your hair, close to your scalp and keeping you still, the other hand clamped firmly against your hip and making sure you don't wiggle away. Alpha instincts taking over as his brain convinces him to mate, breed, cum.

"You're so fucking dirty." He gasps, voice heated and gravelly as he struggles to fight through the heat taking over his body.

He's going into a rut.

Chisaki isn't supposed to do that. He takes supplements and suppressants to ensure he doesn't have too. Ruts are messy, nasty things to endure, and Chisaki would rather lick the floor of a dirty subway than experience one.

Yet here he is.

"You disgusting, wretched thing-" And you're crying, fat tears mixing with sweat and rolling down your chin. Chisaki feels disgusting himself, wanting to lick the liquid away.

He hasn't felt this good in his entire life, this burning fever pitch rising and rising and cresting, blazing along his nerves.

He can barely thrust his hips anymore, and only then does Chisaki realizes that he's popped his knot, jammed it in deep while you cried and moaned and struggled to hold onto him.

Theres a sick sense of satisfaction filling him up, his mind clears for half a second and Chisaki thinks to look over his shoulder, seeing Chrono still standing there with a soured look on his face, cock still swollen and drippy and bobbing purple against the man's stomach.

"Get out." Chisaki orders, and Chrono knows enough to merely pick up his coat and wrap it around himself before exiting the room. He's never seen his boss like this - so feral and unhinged and debauched like some regular dirty plebeian.

But Chisaki doesn't care. Odd.

He cares about grinding against you, feeling you milk every last drop of cum from his balls, shimmying his hips to hear you gasp and moan and clutch at his body, trembling like a little lamb.

Chisaki doesn't want to stop.

"As soon as my knot goes down-" He growls, lowering his face until it's mere inches from your own, breathing into your space. "I'm going to take you to my room and knot you until you break."

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xreaderbooks · 4 years ago

Text

Two sides (2)

Pair: ACOTAR Azriel x reader

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: Language, implied smut

Summary: Y/N has been in love with Cassian for centuries now, Just how Azriel has been with Mor. Both heartbroken by their unrequited love they fall into a routine of 'one-night stands', Not realizing their each others mate.

Masterlist - Part 1

A/N: So I dont know how accurate the mate information is, like I said before I haven’t read the ACOTAR series since 2019 so I probably got a couple things wrong or didn’t write the characters the way you would expect them to act. I chose to make them more how they would be in head canons if you get what I mean. Either way I really hope you enjoyed the 2nd and final part to Two sides :) Feel free to send requests for Azriel or any other Acotar characters. Thank you all for the support <3

"We need to talk."

"Okay," Azriel says skeptically, he walks over to sit on the chair across from you.

"I wanted to apologize for the other night," You shifted in your seat as you spoke, you were noticeably uncomfortable. That bothered Azriel, he wanted you to feel natural not forced, he didn't know where that desire came from but it was true. Even if this conversation was a bit awkward. "I never meant to make you feel used, I guess, I just needed a distraction."

"From seeing Cassian and Nesta together?" He asked. You bit your lip and nodded. "Y/N, I didn't feel used." He let out a small chuckle. "I enjoyed it, actually. And a bit flattered that you chose to-" He coughed awkwardly, "share that part of yourself with me." You grinned. You eased up a bit after knowing that Azriel didn't feel bad about what happened the other night, and even enjoyed it. It also warmed your heart at the fact that this was one of the rare moments that he felt comfortable enough to talk about how he was feeling. Despite it probably being out of sympathy or to defuse the tension.

"Oh," You chirped "well good. The last thing I wanted to do was fuck up our friendship."

He shook his head, "Y/N you've done a lot in the past few centuries that could've fucked up this friendship and we're still okay, better than okay considering. Besides Mor and I are still friends even after..." He tensed up, you went over to him and hesitantly put your hand on top of his.

"I know." You gave him a small smile. "I have an idea, I'll admit it's not my brightest but it will benefit the both of us."

His eyebrow quirked, "Your ideas are never the brightest, that's why you're just my second."

"Okay, wow." You blinked, removing your hand, and started pacing around the room. "First Rhys made me your second because I'm good at my job and you're just better cause of your shadows." He glared at you when you made the comment about his shadows. "Two, I've had a couple of good ideas in the past you just never go through with them."

"Maybe it's because all your ideas are reckless and we'd get caught if we did our job by using your so-called good ideas." He got up to meet you when you turned around to face the other way, you were met by his chest in your way.

You huffed when you looked up at him. "Whatever, I'm pretty sure you were going to like this one." He gave a nod to continue. "I- you know what I think it's better if I just show you."

He cocked his head to the side. You took this as an opportunity to grab him by the back of his neck and slammed your lips onto his. Immediately after he put his hands on your waist, pulling you closer. He started walking backward, leading you towards one of the bedrooms. Your foreheads pressed together but you paused from kissing him, catching your breath. You knew he could hear your heartbeat, beating quicker by the second, his heart was beating faster too. It gave you all the encouragement you needed to start taking off your clothes.

"So this was your bright idea," Azriel asked, while also hurriedly taking off his clothes.

"Mhm." Was your response before nodding and relocating your lips onto his.

The intensity of it made your heart stutter. You wanted him and at that moment he wanted you. He truly wanted you, you both felt it and took that feeling, using it to fuel the passion in that kiss. He moved down to your neck, nipping and biting at it. You moved your hand to slowly graze his wings, which made him freeze. Azriel gave you a look that made your body go on overdrive.

He picked you up, you wrapped your legs around his waist as he continued to "eat your neck" as Cassian had said all those days before. You rolled your eyes at the thought, but then they rolled back as Azriel bit at a sensitive area that intensified that already intoxicating feeling you got when you were with him.

And you wished it never ended.

~~~

"How do you feel about this?" You asked, hoping he'd be okay with it. So far he hadn't opposed.

"I don't want to hurt you." He confessed. You knew he meant physically, he could be a little rough sometimes. You were okay with that though, You rolled your eyes at his comment.

"I'm serious Y/N." He looked you in the eye. You were back at the training grounds of the Illyrian camp. You didn't specify any details, so you both didn't care about speaking in public.

"I'm a big girl, I think I can handle it." You began to walk ahead of him, He grabbed your forearm and pulled you back to face him, a hint of a smile on your face. "Only if you're sure."

Your smile faded once you saw that he was genuinely concerned. "Az, you wouldn't hurt me. I trust you."

He froze and let you go. He had a hard time letting people see how he was feeling but you could tell he was struggling with letting you in and his self-deprecation.

~~~

You had kept your secret "relationship" hidden from everyone else, as much as you could. It didn't take long. They were extremely nosy and it was difficult with Mor being your best friend. She always knew when you were lying and had insisted you were acting differently. You would always blow it off and say you had a good day, telling a random story you just thought of on the spot.

Cassian had continued to tease you about your secret lover-- which only intrigued Mor even further-- you avoided the truth most of the time. You and Azriel would be extra careful when doing what you did. Sometimes even going to Inns and you would both winnow to the location.

Going through all that trouble only for Amren to find out and threaten to tell the others. She tried to blackmail you into buying her a pure diamond bracelet. As if she couldn't afford it yourself. You talked to Azriel about it and you both decided you didn't care if anyone else knew, it's only a matter of time before they found out anyway. Plus you could use the money to buy a house somewhere private in Velaris. You enjoyed the privacy and lack of teasing for as long as it lasted.

Amren didn't tell but as you predicted, everyone did find out. Some already had suspicions like Mor, Rhys, and Feyre. Amren wouldn't have known if she hadn't caught you both and Cassian never would have thought. You'd be lying if you said you weren't disappointed at him not showing any sign of jealousy. You knew he wouldn't be, being caught up with Nesta and all but you still held hope. You considered yourself a fool and would try to fuck the feelings out of you with Azriel. And most of the time it worked.

~~~

Months went by as sleeping with your best friend became your new normal. You never would have thought that you'd be one of those mysterious girls that Azriel hooked up with, ever since that night, you were the only girl. You had to admit, you liked the idea; being Azriel's only girl. But you knew that although you would be the only girl in his bed, Mor will always be on his mind. Not that you blamed him, you were still somewhat hung up on Cassian. After you can't get rid of 500+ years of feelings.

As you laid next to Azriel, who now stayed nights instead of leaving right after, You admired his tattoos, the intricate designs, you fought the urge to trace them. You did anyways but only a centimeter away from his chest so you wouldn't wake him. In the morning light that slipped through a slight gap in your curtains, It shone right on him. He looked ethereal.

You always knew he was attractive most Illyrian men were, at least if they weren't assholes most of the time. You had time now, to actually take in his beauty. You could never understand how someone so beautiful and kind could be so broken. You guessed that's why you chose him to spend your nights with, instead of some random guy. You could help him and heal him and get him to appreciate himself more.

The shadows around him became more active, it made him tense up. He was awake. You lifted your hand up to up to move the stray hair that fell onto his face. At that moment, you felt your world shift an overwhelming sensation of love and adoration consumed your body and you snatched your hand away from him. You were in pure shock.

'Holy fuck' Was the only thing going through your head.

"What's wrong?"He questioned as if he could sense your distress. His voice hoarse from just waking up.

"Nothing." You said, immediately getting up and getting dressed in whatever you had closest to you. "You should, um, You should get going. I have a lot of reports to do, I've been holding them off but Rhys has been asking me for them for the longest so I should get on it."

Azriel sat up, the bed sheet covering one leg and another part. His perfectly sculpted body in your bed, the lighting, half of his leg uncovered by the blanket. You tried to compose yourself to figure out what you would do. Hoping that he didn't pick up on how different you were acting. It was no use he probably already expected something was up.

To try to ease the tension you sat next to him, brushing the hair out of his face, dragging your fingertips down to the side of his face, and kissed his cheek. You ignored the tingles you felt as his face nuzzled into your hand. Hesitantly, you remove your hand and got up from the bed, and sat at the desk you had in your room. You pretended to read through old letters from officials.

Azriel took that as his cue to leave. He got dressed and pressed a kiss to the back of your head before he left.

He definitely knew something, that's not how your mornings usually go. You would at least spend an hour or two together either talking or enjoying each other's presence before sending each other off to your respective duties. However due to your new discovery of Azriel being your mate. You panicked. What would you do now?

~~~

Hours had passed and you hadn't left your room, choosing to focus on the reports that you did in fact, have to do. Rhys just wasn't expecting them for another week or so. Mor then busted into your room. "Knock, knock bitch."

"Uh, hello gorgeous, didn't expect a lovely visit from you today." You said sarcastically, turning your chair to face her. She dropped the shopping bags onto your floor. You lifted a brow in question.

"We're going on a trip!"

"I'm busy." You turned back around to focus on what you were writing.

"It's a fun work one." You twisted your chair around again.

"How do you mean?"

"Day court gala, bonding with people, gaining trust, and all that." She waved it off as if you didn't need to know actual information. You decided you'd ask for details from Rhysand later.

"And you went shopping." You gestured to all of the bags. "like you don't have tons of outfits you could take."

"Well of course I do. These are for you." She grinned.

"W-what?"

"Just because you're supposed to be invisible and all that, doesn't mean you have to be like that all the time." She referred to your job description, being another spy for Rhysand, relying on you being a woman to get information from people Azriel couldn't. Kind of ridiculous considering Azriel's shadows allowed him to get all the information needed but it was an easy enough job. Unlike Az, you didn't have shadows to command so you stuck to your black outfits tunics, and suits that would help you move easily. You never really dressed up, unless it was for an occasion, but you enjoyed doing it when you could. Most of the time you would be on duty or something like it so you couldn't.

This Gala gave you the perfect excuse too. You were thankful to Mor for having bought you these dresses and accessories. You were pretty sure you had worn all the dresses you had in your closet already.

"Yeah, you're right." You gave her a half-smile. Part of you wondered what Azriel's reaction would be to you in one of these revealing dresses. You shook the thought from your head. You would dress for yourself not for some male, even if that male is your mate.

You debated whether to tell Mor or not. She might be able to help you with your internal battle. Part of you was hurt about Cassian not being your mate. Another part always knew that he wasn't, and another part of you wondered how Azriel would react. Did he feel the bond snap into place? Or was it a Feyre-Rhysand situation where the bond would snap into place at another moment? Would he reject you cause you weren't Mor?

You opted to tell Mor at the day court where you would have more space and privacy from the others.

~~~

Helion's words about uniting and bonding were very heartwarming and kind, but you couldn't get past the thoughts that swarmed your mind. You took advantage of this time with everyone listening to Helions welcoming speech and sneakily made your way over to where Mor was standing. You pretended to greet her with a kiss and whispered in her ear to meet you in the room you were staying at.

"Thank the cauldron you came along, Helion was droning on and was about to make me fall asleep." She joked as she sauntered into your room. She paused her amused tone as soon as she saw your face. "You were fine like two minutes ago."

"Glad to know, I'm good at hiding it." You forced a smile. She tilted her head as if to ask you 'what's wrong', so you told her. You told her that Azriel was your mate and how it happened. You told her of your fears of rejection and confusion with your love for Cassian. It was a different love now, you felt it. There was a shift in what you felt towards Cassian and more intense feelings for Azriel. You suspected the bond but you didn't mind it. You then opened up about your insecurity about him rejecting you for her. Which she shut down, though she knew what you meant.

"Mor, Azriel loves you, like I loved Cassian. What if his love for you is stronger and he refuses to let go. We all know the only reason he never went for you is his trouble with his self-worth." Those were harsh words, but they were true. "He could easily reject me for you, knowing you don't love him in that way."

"You don't know that Y/N. And you loved Cassian, probably as much as Azriel loved me. After all this time you spent together, you truly don't think he would have changed the way he feels for me?" She grabbed your hand in hers. "You and Azriel are like two sides of the same coin, he's all dark and brooding and you, well you're the same in some ways. But you bring out the light and you can cast out all of his darkness with a simple smile."

"I don't know." You whispered. You were scared. Your feelings for Azriel already began to grow, without the bond, with it in place now it was strengthened. Your feelings for Cassian was a background noise that would soon grow into a more familial type of love.

"What should I do Mor?" You whimpered, you put your face in your hands. "I feel like a girl with a crush. This is ridiculous."

She laughed and nodded. "Yes, yes it is. On the bright side, if he doesn't know about you being mates, you could still have fun with other people."

You gave her a look. "You forget that he's my designated person to 'have fun' with."

"I didn't know you had a conversation on exclusivity." She shrugged and walked over to the cart that had alcoholic drinks, at the corner of the room.

"Technically we did when we agreed to sleep with each other when we felt like it." You reasoned.

"Hm." She mused, sipping on her drink. "I still say enjoy tonight, dance with a few males, or females, and if you two end up having sex with him again just enjoy the time you have with him."

"Thanks for the talk, Mor."

"Of course darling, by the way, I highly doubt he'll reject you. If he does he's an idiot and I'll kill him." She sent a wink your way and left you in your room to think.

~~~

Azriel watched as you swayed your hips to the beat of the music. A man who he didn't know came up from behind you, keeping up with you. That was the first of many. He felt a twinge of jealousy in his gut. He attempted to force that emotion down. He couldn't understand where that was coming from.

He was keeping watch, even though he always made sure to keep a lookout for danger to his court. Mor and Cassian tried to get him to ease up, he didn't budge. Who would pry Cassian from more liquor when he's had enough to drink if Azriel wasn't sober? He used the excuse of being the only responsible one to keep an eye on her. Y/n, Azriel thought he knew what it was to love someone because of Mor but what Azriel felt for Y/N was different. It felt raw and real and whatever it was, was growing fast. She was easy to talk to, not that he did much of that but she listened, actually listened when he did, and she didn't pry or hover as much as the others. They tend to beat around the bush when wanting to know about what was going on with him. Unlike Y/N who would take her time to make sure he felt comfortable and if, he wasn't, she would change the topic and act normal.

Y/N was a calming presence that allowed him to just be. She brought out another side of him that he thought he could never be.

That's why when he felt a change in the way he saw her dancing with a new guy than the one she was with earlier, it all made sense. She was his mate. He saw red as he practically flew to where they were. The fae males' hands that were roaming your bonds were ripped away from you and he dragged him away. Azriel pinned the man against the wall. People began to stare and talk in hushed whispers, appalled at the sight.

"Never touch my mate, again." He growled. He dug his fingers into the guy's neck.

"I-I didn't know." The man choked out.

"Well, now you do." He muttered, letting the man slump to the ground. He went over to where you were standing, eyes wide. His eyes softened while looking at you. He slowed as he got to you. "Can we talk?"

You nodded your head and began to walk toward an empty hall.

"I'm sorry if I scared you." He kept his voice low but soft. He was afraid, you would want to run away.

"You didn't." You stood there staring at him. You tried to figure him out, to no avail. His face was always stoic. "I- I thought you'd reject me and now I don't know what to do." You confessed.

"You knew?" He tried to recall if you had acted any differently. His shadows had felt the change in your demeanor and set out in whispers when you were rushing him out. He brushed it off, he should've looked more into it. The last thing he wanted to do was to make you feel unwanted or rejected.

"Since yesterday morning." You confirmed. Your anxiety consumed you, you heard of the pain that came along with being rejected by your mate. Some have died from it. Little did you know Azriel was worrying about the same exact thing. Not thinking himself worthy enough of your affection. He allowed himself the pleasure of being in bed with you, assuming it was nothing more and he couldn't get hurt you or be hurt that way. It was a release from another pain you both had the displeasure of feeling.

"I want you to know it is an honor to have you as my mate." He took a step closer.

"Really? Honestly, I thought..." You shook your head. "Nevermind."

He looked confused but let it go, if you wanted to tell him you would. "Guess this means I have to go cook you something." You let out a laugh. He smiled an actual wide beautiful smile. Azriel grabbed your face and kissed you.

It was soon interrupted by a very drunk Mor who shouted, "Finally!"

Cassian was right behind her, "Mor! I forgot where the bathroom was, can y-" He paused looking between you and Azriel. "Oooh getting freaky in the hall, that's new. Hey Y/N if he isn't hitting it right, you know where to find me." He winked at you. Azriel gave him a murderous look, putting his arm in front of you. 'So he's gonna be one of those', you thought.

You couldn't wait till the second part of the mating process.

Tags: @wildchild2707 ,@theworthlessqueen ,@ciciakai ,@rockinginneverland

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