#and mixed with a fucking blender

[ryan-sometimes]

I’m a musician but in the loser 90s sense. Am I laying on the ground with my bass across my stomach high as fuck and playing random shit? Yes. Am I cleaning beer off my guitar? Yes. Am I in a homoerotic impasse with my band’s singer? Yes. Am I recording anything? No.

[starwarsanthropology]

FOX/FIVES

That'd certainly be one way of fixing it!!!

Oh I had so much fun with this as a lighting study.... thank you so much for the request!

[ndnp-art-ct3]

Made a chart of OC hands for a quote repost on Bluesky.

Filegarden links: Color background | Transparent background

[palskippah]

Hi! I give you this Stobotnik fankid I made a while ago :'y

She's Sofia --or Ivania or some other name ending in 'ia'-- Robotnik (coolest last name)

It's a compilation and also there's some Stone for practice bc I have no idea how to draw him pipipi Eggman is easier bc it's just his Sonic Boom design (I love it)

Some stuff about this universe under the cut!

(Btw if there's incongruencies is bc I can't make up my mind about the facts whwhw)

-Robotnik and Stone are married, very much married. Cartoon villains in love, I love that for them.

-["MARTHA I'M COMING HOME SWEETIE-"] Mixing up the movie things and the whatever's going on in the Sonic Boom, so Robotnik was gone for eight months and when he's back she's already born.

>Also the drawing is a reference to Icarly's "Whatcha got there?" "A smoothie" but she was clearly asking about the ostrich Spencer brought with him.

>Alternatively, Eggman's there and they go through the journey together yippiee. Choosing names, making evil parenting plans and whatever, being their idiot selves.

(After celebrating because they're good news actually) "I want a boy or a girl-" (Eggman) "Yeah me too." (Stone) "-and we should name them a single, worth of remembering name! Like... Eggette for a girl and Eggson for a boy." "I'm not letting you name them any of that, doctor..." "Okay, then how about Beyonce for a girl and-"

>They wouldn't have kids (?? maybe? I don't really know, I only know sonic boom and the movie :'U)- but she was probably the 1% the birth control warns you about. Also, Stobotnik got a very active seggsual life, and I'm imagining she came to be from a quickie over the desk, why not.

>Helpful diagram of Eggman + Stone kissing and then = baby. They were in work hours.

-In the one where he comes back and the baby's already there, Eggman does a terrible job as a father the few first months, but then he gets the hang of it and it's not so bad.

>He gets projectile vomited on and he's immediately asking to get an abortion (the baby's already born) (he didn't give birth to her), Stone says no anyways.

>"Surprisingly, I'm a good father" he thinks one day and it's because he's still very much an orphan here with no frame of comparation or example aside from researching the matter.

-In the one where they wait for her together, he does all the research necessary in all those months, absolutely refusing in doing an average job in that matter, he's the great Ivo Robotnik c'mon. He excels at anything and he'll be a great father (jk he's terrified of fucking up).

-The Stobotnik family is an evil but loving family, like the bears in Puss in Boots whwh criminal family✨

-For the funny of it, Sonic and Eggman got a sort of relationship like in Sonic Boom, so sometime maybe our favorite boy, Tails and Knuckles had to look after their child.

-Also since Knuckles broke Stone's and Robotnik's hands with their handshake, let's have him handle the baby with the most careful grip ever, just to demonstrate that he didn't have to grab their hands that hard aksdjask

-She's a big fan of Sonic and friends (Sonic the Hedgehog, not Sonic Wachowski, the second guy hadn't done even half the things she admires him for, but no one has the heart to tell her when she's a kid). Has a bunch of merch and all the comics of Sonic the Hedgehog.

>When she's a teenager she proudly uses her Sonic backpack in the same way Deadpool uses his Hello Kitty backpack.

-BTW Sonic, Knuckles and Tails are all brothers and Maddie and Tom's kids bc that's the best idea ever made.

-ALSO I'm definitely gonna draw that scene where Knuckles was about to put the baby in the blender and Sonic shouts THE CHILI DOG NOT THE BABY. Some day, you'll see pipipi.

-SAGE was created for various reasons, to be her sister (since she wouldn't stop asking for one but neither Stone nor Robotnik were willing in raising another human kid, thanks very much), to protect her, and also to answer the tedious "why?" questions that neither father had the patience for (A+ parenting right there). Maybe she was used for the original purpose too idk (I don't know that sonic game where she debuts).

>The child's delighted about having a sister, then she grows up and SAGE doesn't, so she has a little sister.

>METAL SONIC TOO MAYBE? Perfect lil american family, the two happily married parents and their three kids (one human girl, an IA and a robot clone of their alien enemy).

-On her early months she was called Pebble, because she really was a mini Stone, Robotnik went along with it (bc he also looked at her and only saw his husband whw) until she was a little older and they started calling her by her name.

>Alternatively, since Eggman was gone, Stone waited for him to return in hopes of choosing together a name for their child, and Pebble worked as a placeholder since she was just a bebi.

>Alternatively alternatively, Eggman came up with the nickname. ROCK-ONNAISSANCE 🗣️ also yeah I know he was going crazy from the mushroom stuff, but he's not above making silly puns, he's a dad now and also he's naturally silly.

(NGL I really gotta make up my mind about how it all happened ajsdkad)

-She's a spoiled kid and also a little menace, unintentionally evil, she can't help it.

>Good-hearted too sometimes, she loves Sage and does her best to protect her back (it's not necessary but it's appreciated anyways).

-Robotnik calls himself 'daddy' way too much in the live-action movies to ignore it, so he's daddy and Stone's dad (dada when she was younger).

>"These are my daddies!" (points to what's clearly two villains -but also good fathers-)

-She has Robotnik's eyes but as big as Stone's. They're the lethal-est sad puppy eyes ever (they work wonders on both parents and other people) (both men got beautiful dark brown eyes with visible eyelashes fight me).

>Look at Eggman's silly eyelashes:

>Also, you know that picture of Lee Majdoub with the beautiful everything? I think he was wearing eyeliner so my Stone wears eyeliner too in contrast to Eggman's dark circles under his eyes JDJS😭

-She's the five-year-old that made Sonic fear them because 'they can be so cruel when they sense weakness' (she was brutally honest as any young kid is).

-Stone and Robotnik got Gomez and Morticia Addams kinda parenting. They see their child beating up someone and they're like:

"What did we do wrong?" (Stone while shaking his head in disappointment) "I know... she lacks resourcefulness." (Eggman) "Exactly, there's her baseball bat right there, why doesn't she use it?"

-Remember that Shadow said in a game that he wouldn't mind taking a candy from a baby? (fandub I think but still) This comes in handy when neither Tails, Sonic or Knuckles want to upset the kid (so Shadow does it instead).

-She plays sports too because she got too much energy. In each of them she loses her patience. She grabs the football and hauls it at the nearest team member, she throws her baseball bat to the ground and starts beating up whoever threw the ball that she missed, she stomps in frustration if she loses, she's great at dodgeball (sends her classmates to the infirmary).

-Throws tantrums and stuff and overall's an annoying kid if she's upset. Eggman's like UGH WHY'S SHE LIKE THIS?? and Stone's like Because of you, doctor (terrible temperament runs in the family and also Robotnik just spoiled her too much).

-I'm kinda dressing her up in the clothes that existed in my mind that supposedly Eggman wore (the weird dress-like jacket with the big zipper in the middle). Under her jacket there's a dress in the same pattern as the original Eggman's clothes, also she wears a baby onesie like that too.

-When she's older she's definitely proud of her fathers, but she doesn't appreciate the rumors that she's prone to go power-crazy like Robotnik did. Especially because it may be true, but what do they know.

-For the irony, she can't stand drinking coffee, but loves the smell of it because it reminds her of home (omg).

-THEY HAVE A PET CAT like I read in some fics and her name is Robot and she's a lil shit and also grumpy like Robotnik.

>Maybe she brings her alive mice to experiment on all sort of stuff (like Pávlov and his dogs and the guy Skinner with his mice and cats (??))

-She gets to hang out with Sonic and friends under the condition of annoying him as much as possible. So, she complies. (She loves Sonic the Hedgehog, but she loves making her fathers happy more).

-Very smart kid but not to the level of Tails or Robotnik at that age, she's just got very good memory and learning skills and knows a lot of stuff ever since she was a little kid. More like a Matilda-kinda intelligence.

-She's a scientist when she grows up too but the kind that makes evil potions and serums and stuff aksjdk probably (chemistry things? biochem idk). She can make silly little robots for the fun of it but it's not her passion, unlike Robotnik and Stone's. PROBABLY. I'm still deciding.

-BTW LOOK (it says 'carefully crafted ploy to distract space porcupines')

>While Eggman's there with the baby and Sonic in front of him going AWWW BABY BOO and making her laugh, Stone is sneaking up on him holding a chair above his head to knock him out.

THAT'S IT THANKS FOR READING ✨✨

[propertyofwicked]

SECRETS part 6 - LN

warnings: angst, lots of swearing angry max, angry lando, angry y/n - everyone's mad. potentially a happy ending? (u have to read to find out :) ), cheeky bit of fluff

previous part -> next part

masterlist the playlist

“you fucking lied right to my face, the both of you!” max said, raising his voice and breaking the silence in his living room, “i asked you a year ago and you both lied to me.”

y/n and lando quickly realised that arriving together to talk to max was quite possibly a mistake. the drive to max’s house had started off well, the music flowing through the speakers and easy conversation between the two helped. yet, the closer they got, the more anxious they both started to feel.

they were all in the living room, P had scuttered off to the kitchen, busying herself with baking. max was directing every profanity he could think of towards both lando and his sister, their mother would be horrified to learn max even knew these words let alone the fact he was screaming them at her youngest daughter, y/n thought to herself.

it’s her nature to defend herself, but for the first time in her life, she sat silently, twisting her rings around her fingers. max was so angry, she figured he wouldn’t listen to anything she had to say anyways at this moment in time. so she sat silently, taking the abuse.

“have you slept together?” max suddenly asked, his voice finally calm. y/n’s face grew red, lando stuttering.

“so that’s a yes, she who prides herself on being honest and can’t even give me a straight answer,” he snorts.

“i’m an adult, max. stop being so immature and overbearing,” y/n finally spoke up, her tone bold even though she wanted to do nothing more than cry, “what does it even matter? you’re going to get mad either way.”

“of course i’m mad! you,” he stated, pointing a finger at lando, “have been fucking my sister behind my back.”

“stop saying that shit - it’s not like that.”

“no? then what is it like?” max shouted back, his anger once again bubbling to the surface.

“I LOVE HER! ok, i love her,” lando said, finally raising his voice. the room fell silent. even the blender in the kitchen stopped, letting everyone know P was listening in.

“you love me?” y/n asked softly, turning to face lando. he looked almost scared. he chose to ignore her, moving his head up to stare into max’s eyes.

“max, i love her. i think i always have. i would do anything i could for her,” lando said, his voice returning to his normal tone. max said nothing, he simply turned on his heel and left the room.

“i tried angel,” lando said to the girl next to him, his arm stretching out to rub her thigh softly.

“i know you did,” she replied sadly, “so - you love me?”

“of course i do,” he replied, smiling at her.

“don’t take my lack of reciprocation as a rejection. i just uh- i just need time,” she said, panicking slightly and fumbling her words.

“i don’t expect you to say anything back, my love. we’ll sort this out, i promise.”

she wants to believe him, she really does, but max leaving the room was a bad sign.

“you can’t promise me that,” she says, his hands coming to cup her face and press a sweet kiss to her forehead.

“i will do everything i can to sort things out with max,” he says kissing her head again, before pushing himself off the sofa to follow max’s footsteps out of the room.

y/n sat in the silence, thinking only of the way max’s face fell in a mix of anger and betrayal before he stormed out of the room. too much had happened in the past 4 days, and she hadn’t given herself time to process a single part of it. the tears started flowing, and she feared they would never stop as she started coughing from the intensity of her sobs. P must’ve heard her from the kitchen, as not long after she’d started crying, P was sat next to y/n, pulling her body down to lay her head on her lap, her hand coming to stroke her back softly.

“he’ll come around y/n. he loves you, he can’t stay mad at you forever.”

“he can, and he will,” y/n responds, another wave of tears rolling sideways down her face, landing on P’s trousers.

meanwhile, max was in his room, pacing out of pure anger.

“mate i-,” lando said as he walked in the room.

“no, i dont wanna hear it. you promised me you would never d-” he interupts.

“i know! i know what i said. and i regret it.”

“you regret promising me you’d never defile my sister?”

“i regret not telling you how i felt about her. i regret making that stupid promise when it’s all i wanted.”

“all you wanted was to defile my sister? great argument lando, thanks for stopping by. you can fuck off now.”

“all i wanted was to love your sister. to give her the fucking world if she’d let me.”

“what?”

“i love her. she’s intelligent, she’s strong willed, she’s confident in herself, and i think she’s the most beautiful woman i’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting,” he says, barely stopping to breathe, but max was listening - finally. the two friends looked at each other, both of them slightly shaking under the pressure.

“you really love her?” max asks after a few moments of silence, his voice the lowest it had been for hours.

“i do.”

“this isn’t just for a shag?”

“are you joking?”

“just answer the fucking question.”

“no, it’s not just for a shag. i want to spend to rest of my life with her.”

“ok.”

“ok?” lando repeated, confused.

“i’m not ok with this, but i will be eventually. so long as you don’t hurt her.”

“i think you should be more worried about her hurting me,” lando joked in attempt to ease the awkwardness, to his relief max smiled slightly.

“if she hurt you, id be the proudest ive ever been,” he jokes back, earning a small snort from lando.

lando backs himself towards the door, gripping the handle.

“you coming?” he asks max, cocking his head to the side slightly in questioning.

“nah i just need a few minutes to sort myself out.”

“alright mate. i think you need to speak to y/n.”

“don’t tell me what to do,” max quips back, lando holding his hands up in defence before leaving the room, closing the door behind him.

when lando re-entered the living room, he saw y/n laying on P’s lap, crying softly, his entrance causing both girls to look up at him. he breathed out a sigh before announcing -

“i think it’s all gonna be ok.”

“i’m going to go an talk to him,” y/n said boldly, sitting up and wiping any remaining tears from her eyes, still trying to regain her regular breathing.

“are you sure that’s a good idea?” lando asked, voice lace with genuine concern.

“i don’t care. i need to let him know that this is not acceptable,” and with that, she left the room. lando and P looked at each other, their eyes both conveying a sense of dread for the impending fall out.

“max?” she asked, knocking on his door.

“go away.”

“no,” she said, pushing the door fully open and sauntering into the room.

“y/n i-”

“no, you’ve done your shouting. it’s my time to talk,” y/n tone was harsh, but it worked. max sat back in the chair, silently, allowing her to finally speak her mind.

“i didn’t do this out of disrespect for you,” she prefaced, breathing in a deep breath before continuing, “i didn’t expect this to happen. i didn’t think any of this was going to happen.”

“i know.”

“but that does not give you any right to decided what or who i do,” she declares, max grimacing slightly at her choice of words, “you made him promise to stay away from me! that’s not on, max. he was my friend too and even if anything else was happening you had absolutely no right to make that decision for me.”

he says nothing, simply nodding at his sister as he digests her words.

“you owe me an apology. for thinking you can control my life and for the way you have behaved in the last 3 days. it’s not the fucking eighteen hundreds, you cannot take this ‘alpha male’ role in my life and make decisions about who i date,” she adds, using her fingers to make quotation marks.

“i know that now,” he responds, guilt laced in his voice.

“what do you mean you ‘know that now’? you should have always known that. you wouldn’t tell sam or theo who they can date, would you?” she asks.

“no, i wouldn’t,” again, responding with a sad sigh, “i’m sorry y/n.”

“you better be. and you better start behaving like you are.”

“i will.”

“starting with buying me a new car,” she jokes, finally uncrossing her arms and smiling softly at him.

“catch yourself on,” he laughs back.

“it’s ok, god loves a trier - besides, i’m pretty sure lando offered to buy me one if he got podium.”

“on second thought, maybe i will buy you a new car.”

the two laughed together, an air of awkwardness still hanging between them. finally, he pushed himself off his chair, walking over to her and embracing her in a tight hug.

“im sorry y/n, im so sorry,” he mumbled into her ear.

“it’s ok max, i don’t think id be too impressed if you started fucking my friends either.”

“ew dont - dont talk about sex or you having it,” he shudders, “in my brain, you’re still 7 and shaving the heads of your barbies.”

“fine.”

“will you do me a favour?” he asks, sheepishly.

“depends.”

“can you and, him, you know, tone it down in front of me. just for a bit? just till i get used to it?”

“i didn’t intend on jumping his bones in front of you anyways, if that’s what you mean?” she jokes.

“y/n,” he groans in feigned annoyance.

“i’m sorry i’m sorry,” she apologises, holding her hands up in defence, the exact same way lando had earlier.

“you and him are probably a good match. you have the same personality. i think i just never wanted to admit it.”

“max fewtrell, stubborn? i never would’ve guessed.”

“i think it’s genetic.”

★ ☆ ✦ ✧ ✩ ✶

tag list: @harrysdimple05 @scopeiguess @hiireadstuff @landosgirlxoxo @natt9598 @phantomxoxo @val-writes @secretgal66 @ririyulife @littlehoneyfreak @leclercdream @mehrmonga @eviethetheatrefreak @thatoneembarrasingmoment @doofenshmirtzevil-inc @formula1mount @lottef1 @rayna-s @5starl1ght @cthgee @thesiduation @urfavsgf @littlehoneyfreak

[demonpiratehuntress]

period pain

OPLA!Zoro x F!Reader

A/N: This is the Zoro period one-shot I mentioned in my previous post.

"Luffy, if you take a single thing off my plate I will stuff you in a fucking blender."

An inhuman growl left your lips as you shot a withering glare at your captain, pulling your plate closer to you. The younger boy looked taken aback by your threat, his hand retracting slowly in slight fear. Usopp and Sanji stared at you with their jaws dropped, Zoro raised an eyebrow, and Nami looked unfazed.

"What are you guys looking at?" You snapped, turning your glare on the rest of them.

They all looked away, mumbling apologies, except Zoro. You rolled your eyes, grumbling something about him being so stubborn and tough. He would have said something about it, but his feelings for you stopped him. He's seen you angry, but this was something else. And he'd rather not risk saying something regrettable to you while you were clearly bothered by something.

"(Name), can you please..." Usopp gulped, "Pass me the salt."

You practically threw the salt shaker in the poor guy's hands, your deathly glare not leaving your face. You ate your food aggressively, attacking it like it was the reason for your anger. The rest of the crew sat in silence, even Luffy not wanting to aggravate you more - and that was saying a lot. Nami was trying her hardest not to laugh, which confused the boys, who didn't understand why such a situation would be funny. But she knew what it was.

"You guys are idiots," she snorted when you'd left the table.

"And why's that?" Zoro asked, folding his arms over his chest. "Do you know what's wrong?"

"It's so obvious," she confirmed, then backtracked, "Oh, wait. You guys really don't know?"

Their blank, clueless expressions made Nami sigh.

A little while later, you hobbled into the kitchen for dinner. But this time you weren't mad, you were groaning and clutching your stomach tightly, earning concerned glances all around. But because of earlier, everyone was too afraid to say a word. Except Zoro.

"Go back to your room."

"W-what?" Your eyes widened, then glossed over with tears.

He instantly cursed himself and his monotonous voice. He hadn't meant it to sound harsh or anything, but from the way you looked at him he knew you had taken it the wrong way. And when the tears actually fell, guilt ripped through him and he felt an unusual pain in his chest.

"Zoro-" Nami started.

"No, it's okay," you said quietly, turning around, only to feel that familiar feeling of something wet down south.

"You're bleeding!"

Embarrassment washed through you and you instantly turned back around, trying to cover it, but the blood soaked the front of your shorts as well. You instantly regretted wearing such light-coloured shorts, but you hadn't expected your period for another two days. But now, seeing them all staring, you felt humiliated and ashamed, and the tears fell faster.

"Someone get her a damn blanket," Nami practically growled at the gobsmacked men, before coming over and helping you to the counter.

You refused to look at the green-haired swordsman, but you soon realised he was no longer in the room. You internally groaned, then began crying even more because you felt as if you had disgusted him. Nami tried to comfort you, but you barely heard her as you felt the sadness of impending rejection mixing with your already unstable emotions. 

What happened next was beyond anything you could have imagined.

You felt a blanket being draped across your shoulders, seconds before you were lifted into a pair of familiar, strong arms. You quickly covered your tear-stained face with the blanket, not wanting to meet his eyes as he carried you to your room.

"Don't do that."

"What?" You choked out, your voice still weak and soft.

"Don't hide," Zoro clarified. "I want to see your face."

"Why?" You slowly removed the blanket from your face.

"You're pretty."

Your heart hammered in your chest when you heard that, sadness immediately dissipating. You couldn't believe what you had just heard, but it made your heart swell knowing he really thought that. You felt your cheeks heat up, and the familiar feeling of butterflies that you always got around him.

"I'm crying. And bleeding."

"Nami told us what's wrong," he looked down at you, and his eyes gleamed with concern, "It's natural."

Before you could say anything else, he set you down. In a hammock. With a start, you realised he'd brought you to his room instead. You opened your mouth to say something, but he was already walking away to his closet. Your words died in your throat when he pulled out his own clothes and offered them to you.

"Change. I'll wait outside."

He started towards the door, but you stopped him, sniffing, "Thank you."

He felt his own heart swell when he saw how happy his actions had made you, and it sparked some hope in him that maybe you felt the same way. Not knowing what to say, and also wanting to hide his oncoming blush, he just nodded and quickly exited to let you change. You looked down at his clothes, your own blush dusting your cheeks. As you changed into them, you realised you'd need underwear.

"Z-Zoro?" You called, blushing harder.

He was in the room in less than a second, his eyes widening when he saw you pants-less but with the blanket covering your lower half. He coughed, trying hard not to blush, "Yeah?"

"I need...underwear," you said quietly, feeling more embarrassment come on.

"Oh."

You started to get up, thinking you'd rather get it yourself since he was clearly uncomfortable, but he stopped you, "Stay. I'll ask Nami to bring it for you." Then he reached down to grab your bloodstained clothes, and your eyes widened.

"No! You don't have to-"

"(Name)," he sighed, looking up at you, "Shut up and let me take care of you."

You would have probably burst into tears again if anyone else had told you to shut up, but the words that followed it were enough to comfort you and make you relax back into the hammock. You bit your lip, flustered and embarrassed but feeling much better already knowing he was going to - and he wanted to - take care of you.

A while later, you were dressed in his clothes and relaxing in his hammock, your heart thundering as you looked around his room. He hadn't decorated, being the simple man he was, but just the fact that it was his brought you more comfort. You felt calmer here, like the room itself was reducing your stress and pain. Your cramps had subsided, but that was because of the hot soup that Zoro had brought you which he had aggressively demanded Sanji make. The man in question had disappeared somewhere, but came in just as you were starting to wonder where.

"How you feeling?"

"Better," you admitted. "Thanks to you."

He sat down next to you on a chair he'd brought in, "Stop thanking me."

"But-" You were cut off by another wave of cramps, groaning loudly and curling up into a ball.

He shot up again, "What? What's wrong?"

"More...cramps..." You managed to get out, whining and whimpering in pain.

"Should I get more soup?"

"N-No, just..." You blushed at the idea you had, wondering if he would really do it. "Could you...maybe lie down with me?"

Instantly his cheeks warmed up. Unlike many people would think, Zoro was easily flustered by requests like that coming from you. He'd long dreamed of laying with you in his hammock, you on his chest with his arms around you, but he hadn't ever expected it to really happen. His heart was beating faster than it usually did, as always when he was around you, but he happily obliged despite his nervousness in doing so. You shifted to give him space, letting him slip onto the hammock beside you.

"You might not be comfortable with it, and it's totally okay if you, arent, but-" You groaned in pain, then continued, "Can you please put your hand here?" You placed a hand over the spot, and he almost choked on air when he realised how far down it was. You saw his expression, and your eyes widened, "I-I'm sorry, you don't-"

His warm hand settled over that spot before you finished, "I want to help."

You blushed, "Well...your hand might help better inside."

His eyes widened, but he slowly slipped his hand in and settled it over that same spot, and was about to ask if that was right when he looked at your face and saw you visibly relax. That gave him his answer. When he started rubbing slowly, the pained look on your face completely disappeared.

"That feels really good."

He smiled, then guided your head to his chest as he slowly relaxed as well. You closed your eyes, mumbling something about how you never knew such peace existed during your period. Another unusual bout of pride swelled in his chest, knowing he could help without words, because those were not his strong suit.

"Can I kiss you?"

He was surprised to hear you ask, and looked down to see your eyes on his lips. He leaned in without saying anything and captured your lips with his own, kissing you slowly and softly. The kiss was much gentler than you expected it to be, but you weren't complaining because his lips were soft and warm, and you leaned into him even more, deepening the kiss. The butterflies in your stomach fluttered around wildly, but this time you didn't try to calm them because you loved the way he made you feel. He pulled away too soon, but pressed a soft kiss to your forehead.

"You should sleep. You look tired."

"I am tired," you complained, "But I don't want to sleep. What if I wake up and you're gone? And I'm in my own bed, and this was all a dream?"

He chuckled, finding it adorable how sleepy you sounded, "I promise I'll be here when you wake up. You and I are both staying right here."

"Okay."

That 'okay' was so innocent and childlike, making you much cuter to him. You yawned once, before closing your eyes again and getting comfortable on his broad chest. He held you close, and you fell asleep knowing you had the best caretaker watching over you.

[sommerregenjuniluft]

892 words – trans fem reg jegulus pwp – cw: light spanking, orgasm control, heinous dirty talk about breeding, cum play, creampie <3

@honeybcj

James fastens his grip in Regulus’ curls and ducks closer. He knows the answer for the question before he even asks it. But he wants to hear it. Needs to hear it. He spanks Regulus on her left cheek just to feel her clench around him, then noses at his girlfriend’s ear. “Want me to pull out before, baby?”

“No,” Regulus cries out helplessly, mindlessly arching back into him.

James grunts against the side of her head, mind swimming. “Yeah, want me to cum inside?”

Regulus whimpers deliciously, “Please.”

“God, baby,” James groans, voice rough, “Gonna make a creampie, huh?”

Regulus moans.

“Want me to lick it back out of your sweet little pussy?”

“Ja-mie,” she whines brokenly. Just the deliriously fucked out of her mind quality of her voice is enough to make James twitch inside her. There’s sweat running down her temple, mixing with the tears on her cheeks with how she’s turned her head over the pillow. James licks it up.

“Ngh- gotta be careful not to get you pregnant, love.”

Regulus gives a whole body twitch beneath him, letting out another whine that sounds close to his name. James wants to ruin her in the sweetest way.

He lets his lips ghost over her ear, “Or do you want me to breed you, baby? Huh? Pump you so full, I’ll make it stick?”

Regulus is chanting incoherent pleas, curses and gasping out his name like she does when she’s close. When that delicious pressure is building up low in her gut, about to ring up her spine and shoot into every cell, every far inch of her body. When her whole being is an electric wire and James is about to trigger a short circuit. 

And he’s babbling now, couldn’t hold himself back even if he wanted to, spewing the nastiest things right into his pretty girlfriend’s ear. “Answer me, love,” he taunts.

Reg whimpers and James watches her eyes try to flutter open, so out of it.

James repeats his question. ’Cause he’s nice like that.

He can see the exact moment it registers in Regulus’ brain. A noise slips out of her, involuntary, and then James’ eyes greedily follow her spreading blush as she tries to hide her face in the pillow.

“No, no,” James admonishes, gentle and patronizing. He purposefully aims away from that bundle of nerves deep inside her, momentarily. Regulus makes an obscenely sexy mourning noise. “No hiding, baby. I’m not gonna let you cum before you tell me.”

“Jamie,” she sobs, dark curls falling over her shoulder when she ruts her face into the sheets.

“C’mon, you’ve been such a good girl. Why are you being bad right now?” He spanks her again.

Regulus yelps, followed by a moan. “Mnh, want it- inside.”

“What do you want inside, sweets?”

“You,” she presses out, pushing back onto him, “Your cum, Jamie. Want you to cum inside. Please, please.”

Fuck. 

“Good girl, baby,” James groans, deepening his thrusts again. Regulus immediately dissolves underneath him again. “See, was that so hard, hm?”

Regulus makes an indecipherable sound. James grins.

He brushes her hair to the side, mouthing and nipping along her neck. She tastes like sweat and viscous sweetness. Salted caramel. James wants to put her in a blender and squeeze her into his latte every morning.

“Can I—” Regulus hiccups, “Aah- can I cum?” 

James keeps putting open mouthed kisses on her neck, rutting deep inside her relentlessly, devilishly.

“Please,” his girlfriend sobs, “Please, Jamie. Gotta cum.”

“In a moment, baby,” James pants, letting himself get lost in the slick, silky heat of her, “Hold on for me, just a bit.”

She’s moaning continuously now, whining pitifully and gasping high-pitched breaths back in. Her thighs are shaking, her face scrunched in pure pleasure. One of her hand fists the sheets, white knuckling them. “Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.”

That’s what manages to tip him over in the end. He gasps out a hurried Cum for me and then he’s stuttering through his own moan as his cock kicks and spurts deep inside Reg. She’s loud when she lets herself break on James’ command. Shouting nearly and shaking through it so hard that James feels the pulses of her milk him dry.

“God, fuck,” James grunts when he finishes with one last feeble twitch, still shallowly rocking inside to help Regulus ride it out. 

This one hums breathlessly, a sweet little moan, panting like she’s just done a triathlon.

“Baby,” James mumbles, breathing heavily, making her hair move and tickle his nose.

Regulus makes an acknowledging noise, nodding weakly to show she’s okay.

“Love you so bad,” James utters, kissing her cheek, her ear, the soft spot behind it.

“Love you,” Regulus replies, on a half moan, blissed out and like she’s floating.

He’s still inside and Regulus doesn’t like feeling empty immediately after but James needs to kiss her like- yesterday. He reaches around, prodding at her puffy entrance and hearing her breath hitch when he lets his cock slip out and his fingers in, plugging her up. James maneuvers Reg’s pliant body, making her leg lift, and turns her over onto her back with his finger remaining. 

And then Regulus barely has the chance to blink cloudy grey eyes at him before James is demanding her mouth in a needy kiss, tasting caramel sweet.

[stevebckley]

Steve finds out early on in his teenage partying years that tequila and him don’t mix well. It leads to terrible decisions and waking up in someone else’s bed.

But he doesn’t wanna be a party pooper when Eddie shows up for the Party’s pool day with all the stuff for margaritas and a grin on his face. He says that someone needs to put Steve’s fancy blender to use anyhow and he makes the best strawberry margaritas ever so Steve relents easily, resigning himself to try just sipping at the same one all afternoon.

He can’t stick to that though.

The first sip is like heaven. Cold and sweet on his tongue with just a hint of the sheer amount of tequila that must be in it. Eddie literally cackles at the little moan that slips out of him at the taste.

‘Told you, Harrington! I know what I’m about!’

The afternoon slips on, Robin and Nancy stopping after two so that they can drive all the kids home but Eddie just keeps filling up Steve’s cup before he can even protest. He’s floating a bit by the end of the day, not enough to be drunk but enough that he can’t stop himself from staring at Eddie.

Eddie has been in and out of the pool all day, water making his swim shorts cling to every single muscle underneath them. Steve can’t help but giggle at the sheer lack on ass on the guy but when he turns to face Steve, he has to actively try to keep his jaw shut.

He can see a perfect outline of Eddie’s dick. Even soft it looks big enough to choke on and Steve has to drag one of the towels over his lap quickly lest other people see how hard he got in the last thirty seconds. Luckily the kids are packing up now, calling their goodbyes.

Letting Nancy and Robin lead them out the door until it’s just him and Eddie left. Eddie is watching him curiously, and the attentions makes Steve flush from his cheeks all the way down his chest. ‘You doin okay, Stevie? You look a little warm’ Eddie sounds like he’s teasing, but there’s an edge to it that does not help Steve’s situation. Eddie practically glides forward toward where Steve is sitting on the lounge chair. Steve has to hold back the whine in his throat when Eddie leans over him, hands braced on either side of the chair.

‘Cat got your tongue, sweetheart?’ Eddie’s got a sharp grin on his face, close enough that Steve can see the pink staining his tongue from the drinks and he can’t hold himself back any longer. He drops his death grip on the towel so he can tangle his hands in Eddie’s hair, yanking him down into a searing kiss.

Eddie loses his grip on the chair, practically toppling into Steve’s lap, noses smushing together as they both try to keep from disconnecting their kiss Steve uses one hand to grab Eddie by the waist as he falls, using the momentum to pull him into his lap. Even as tipsy as Steve feels, it’s delightfully easy to move Eddie where he wants him. He can’t help himself when he rolls his hips up to meet Eddie’s, the wetness of their shorts making it slightly uncomfortable but Steve doesn’t give a shit right now.

He’s finally getting what he’s been wanting and Eddie seems just as into it. Eddie rocks downward in a slow, steady grind of his hips, his dick hard and hot where it presses against Steve’s. He shudders under the deliberate movements, praying to whoever’s listening that he can get Eddie to fuck him just like that.

For now though he desperately needs to get his mouth on Eddie, pulling away from the kiss and taking in a shaky breath. ‘Inside.’ He whines into Eddie’s ear, gently taking the lobe in between his teeth so he can bite down.

Eddie scrabbles off his lap like a cartoon cat, making Steve giggle at the sight before a thought pops into his head He stands, steadying himself for a moment before crouching slightly, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s waist and throwing him over his shoulder in a fireman carry.

Eddie fucking moans, using his position to shove his hands down the back of Steve’s shorts to grab at his ass. ‘This should not be so fucking hot what the fuck’ Eddie mumbles, half to himself as Steve carry’s him to the living room and tosses him on the couch.

He doesn’t miss a beat before dropping to his knees in front of Eddie, tucking eager fingers into his waistband and dragging them down his legs. When Eddie’s dick is finally exposed, Steve feels all the blood in his body rush south, a whimper falling from his open mouth at the sight.

It’s as big as it felt, long and thick nestled into a pretty thatch of curls at the base. There’s a bead of precome gathered at the tip that he can’t stop himself from leaning down and lapping up. Eddie hisses at the feeling, hands fisting into the cushions under him.

Steve can’t have that, gently peeling Eddies hands open and guiding them to his hair. Eddies mouth is slightly open, a look of awe over his features as Steve leans forward to run his tongue from base to tip before sealing his lips over the head. He doesn’t care that he’s never done this before.

The only think he can think about is making Eddie feel good, and he gotten blowjobs before so how hard it can be? He steadies himself, wrapping a hand around Eddie before taking a few more inches into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks as best as he can.

Eddies fingers tighten in his hair, not pushing but just grounding himself. Steve pulls off with a pop, nuzzling his nose into the downy hair smattered across Eddie’s stomach. ‘Want you to use my mouth. Had dreams about you fucking my face.’ The look on Eddies face is enough to make Steve grind the heel of his hand into his own cock, nearly crying at the minor relief it brings.

He lets Eddie guide him back, sinking his mouth down as far as it can go before letting his jaw fall lax, tongue sliding forward to cushion over his teeth and lower lip

He squirms when Eddie’s hips roll up carefully, his brain already going delightfully fuzzy from the solid weight of hands in his hair and the ache developing in his jaw. ‘Oh baby you’re already cockdrunk aren’t you? This what you needed? Someone to take you down and apart?’ Eddie coos at him, movements growing more bold as he pushes a little further with every thrust.

The condescension makes Steve squirm and whine, vibrations in his throat dragging a moan out of Eddie. Steve loses the thread after that, his world narrowing to just Eddie and the way he’s making him feel.

Every thrust nudges at the back of Steve’s throat, the occasional too hard thrust making him gag and drool around Eddies length. He feels proud of himself when Eddie speeds up, rhythm faltering as he gets closer to the edge. It only takes a few more thrusts and a few moments of hard suction before Eddie is spilling down his throat with a shout.

Steve does his best to swallow it all, only missing a bit that drips down his chin. He feels high now, the tequila starting to wear off a bit. When Eddie pulls back, he’s just got a dopey grin on his face, eyes practically crossing in pleasure.

Eddie drags him up from the floor into his lap, smashing their lips together before reaching between them to shove his hand into Steve’s pants. He stills quickly and Steve’s face heats up as he realizes what he found.

‘I uh, I came when you did.’ His face burns with shame but Eddie looks like he could go again right then and there, dragging Steve into another heavy kiss. When he pulls back, he’s met with Eddie laughing. ‘Well I guess Nancy was right. Tequila really does make you outrageously horny!’

He’s still laughing when Steve registers what he said. ‘

Wait, what the fu-?’

[el-warverine]

I need to say this somewhere

I think Ryan Reynolds is fucking right to be trying to get Oscar nominations. I know alot of people think DP3 is too goofy and not substantial enough of a film to earn one, and that the odds arent in his favor because Superhero flicks never get any love at the Oscars, but fuck off man the Oscars are a joke.

Ryan and Hugh are fantastic actors. They did a great job. But aside from just the literal performances, for me, they are the true embodiment of all the good shit an actor should be. To be passionate and dedicated to a role, to have fun and make a movie an experience. They delivered the heart of the movies through Deadpool and Wolverine.

The earnings dont lie. The film clearly enraptured a lot of people. It's one of the few movies that i know for a fact that MOST people saw more than once at the theatre.

The sheer effort and tenacity it took for Ryan to kickstart a Deadpool franchise and keep it going to this point, as well as the dedication it took for Hugh to get into shape like that at his age and deliver that performance is easily worth at the very least a nomination. Ryan and Hugh's careers have been so meaningful and examplary for what we love about the concept of an actor to anyone thats followed the Deadpool and Xmen movies.

Certifiably terrible movies have gotten nominations, films that were clearly basic run of the mill fodder. Next time you hear someone say something like "Well DP3 was good, but it's not Oscar good." Remember that these trash heaps got nominations:

Norbit (Best Makeup...yknow for like the fat suit i think idek be so fr rn)

The Blind Side (Best Picture, Best Actress(sandra bullock WON 💀)

Dr. Dolittle (Best Picture + 8 more. Movie was fine, but Fox went to BAT for this one for some reason it didnt deserve all that)

War Horse (Best Picture, Best Cinematography) (this one was like, fine too but...idk who fuckin cares)

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Best Sound Mixing) (entire movie sounded like glass in a blender wdym)

Escape from Tomorrow (WON 6 Oscars and was just about some schmuck being horny at Disneyland)

Im not even gonna mention the animated films, because MY GOD (ok i'll mention two, The Boss Baby and Sharktale)

The Oscars are decided by out of touch numbnut losers, but goddamnit are they one hell of a notch in your belt. If Ryan gets nominations and wins even one award, he might get more free reign, and that's what I want. I want that man as free and unhinged as possible for as long as possible because he is good at it goddamnit. Every comic book/superhero film fan should be rooting for Ryan to succeed so we can get more passion in these movies and less formulaic BS from execs.

Dont be fooled into putting more stock in the illusion of high standards these old farts want to give off than in the genuine dedication of a man and his passion projects.

[rotten7rat]

Batfamily + Cooking

Alfred:

He's the main cook, and has been since taking the job as the Wayne's butler. Classically trained in the culinary arts, and thankfully stillvery much enjoys it, though not as much as he used to. He likes baking more than cooking, and has gotten more of a sweet tooth as he's gotten older. Leans more on your classic British dishes, but is always happy to try a requested recipe. Prefers to cook either alone or with competent help.

Bruce:

No. Cannot even be trusted to make a grilled cheese, he always burns them.

Barbara:

Pretty good. Very much a 'throw something together at 7:30, eat at 8' kind of person, but everyone is always happy to have what she cooks. If it takes hours to make then its not worth it. A teacher suggested once that being raised by a single father, she must do most of the cooking and cleaning, and after that she refused to learn how to cook out of sheer stubbornness.

Dick:

An excellent cook. I think it comes naturally to him, he didn't spend much time cooking growing up but once he taught himself the basics he can pretty much throw anything together. Its by no means a passion of his, but he does enjoy it. However, he doesn't cook often due to being too busy and/or tired, so he gets a lot of takeout or just has something quick or microwavable very often. But if he's cooking you best be there. Anything can be a social occasion and he happily accepts help in the kitchen. Not great at baking though, he always manages to over-cook or over-mix.

Cassandra:

I'm sorry but she will throw rice, water, and and an unseasoned chicken breast in the rice cooker and call it a night. Either that or she'll have a protein shake and seven eggs.

Jason:

Quite good. Unlike Dick, it doesn't come naturally to him, but he is a fast learner and picked it up mostly from Catherine, Alfred, and YouTube. That being said, would he prefer tortellini en brodo or four boxes of Kraft mac and cheese? Tamales or something quick and greasy from Bat Burger? Its always the second option. I think he often cooks as a distraction or just something to do, and just gives it to the single mother across the hall or throws it in the freezer to eat a week later.

Stephanie:

Decent. She'll see a recipe on TikTok and will try it instantly, and she's always excited to try something new. Works best with a recipe but decides just to wing it mostly. Cooking with her mother has become somewhat of a bonding activity. Really good at baking, especially things like brownies and cookies. However, she will also throw pickles, peanut butter and ice cream in a blender and swear it tastes fantastic. Is learning to cook more because everytime she sees Cass eating a boiled chicken breast she takes psychic damage. Trying to sneak meat alternatives into Cass without her noticing. It worked once.

Tim:

Not great. Will follow the recipe to the letter and will somehow still fuck it up. He mostly sticks to simple recipes that are hard to mess up, and also just doesn't have the desire to spend heaps of time in the kitchen. He does make a mean sandwich though, every time someone tries to replicate one its just never as good.

Duke:

Doesn't particularly enjoy cooking but he's fine at it. Not as bad as Cassandra, he will season his food, but prefers it to be quick and not complicated. Loves heavier foods like pastas and other carbs but doesn't have the patience or desire to make them from scratch so he uses jar sauces, frozen potatoes etc. Will put taco seasoning on everything.

Damian:

Good eventually. Doesn't cook a lot now, but when he was younger he had a kind of 'well obviously its not difficult, its just cooking' mindset. He was humbled. By Dick. I think when he's older he is much better. Will still follow a recipe so it is perfect every time. It isn't a hobby, just a task that must be completed, but he'll be damned if he's eating bland food, he will spend an hour preparing vegetable tagine. Nobody can help of even be in the kitchen with him while he is cooking, because they are breathing all the kitchen air and taking up all the room. Get out.

[toxicanonymity]

on your back (personal trainer)

2.4k / dark!joel miller x reader / joel master list

can read alone, or pt 1: chest press

WARNINGS: perverted Joel, gaslighting / manipulation, groping, dry humping, coming in pants, dubcon P in V, TW body commentary, reader's breasts can bounce, SA (groping), high pressure. Joel has his own private gym. Thx @dark-scape and @missannwinchester for foam roller, protein shake, & sports bra ideas.

When you were done, he murmured, “on your back now.” He instructed you in how to bridge your hips.  “Better for your glutes than squats,”  he said and kneeled at your feet.  You were self conscious to be thrusting as he watched.  His eyes followed your hips as they went up and down.  He got between your knees and planked over you.   “Up until your hips hit mine.”

-

One time, Joel was shamelessly watching your body on the treadmill as usual and asked, “you're not doin' extra cardio, are ya?”

You hesitated, “Uh-” 

His brow furrowed.  “Don’t wanna lose your tits.”  His eyes fell to your chest again.  You followed his gaze and became very aware of the bounce. You needed a more restrictive sports bra.

You pressed the button to slow your pace. “That’s enough today,” he said. “Just lookin’ out for ya.”  

You stepped down off the treadmill and he muttered, “Gotta have the right support, too. C’mere.”  He slid his hands in through the neckline of your dry fit shirt and hooked his fingers under the straps of your sports bra. 

He tugged the straps up and watched your breasts swell.  Then he dropped them.  He lifted your breasts with his palms, bit his lip, and took a deep breath. You didn’t say or do anything.  It was creepy but also nice having them touched.  He got behind you and cupped a breast in each hand, lifting them.   His cock twitched against you.  “Fuck,” he whispered. He gave them one last squeeze and mumbled, “not bad.”

He picked up his protein shake from the floor of the cardio room.  "Gotta get enough protein if ya wanna build muscle.” He tilted his head and looked at you hornily.  He held the  blender bottle down in front of his crotch and angled it outward then shook to mix it up.  He took a deep breath and kept shaking it, and adjusted himself with his other hand.  

“Try it,” he said, then handed you the bottle. 

-

One day when you were sore, he showed you how to use a foam roller. He held it steady on the gym mat and helped you position yourself on top of it, cupping an ass cheek to guide you with his other hand.  He positioned the roller under your thighs to start off with.  He straddled your legs and held your hips then rolled you down toward him until the foam cylinder was at the small of your back and your loins were nearly aligned.  

He adjusted his shorts, drawing your attention to the hard bulge hovering just above your upper thighs.  He lowered himself a little bit and you felt his balls come to rest where your inner thighs met.  He tilted his hips back so his arousal brushed against you.  Then he held you with his hands on your sides and rolled you toward him. Your upper back slid along the gym mat as he dragged your body toward him.  A shock of arousal buzzed through you as your loins met his hard cock.  He rolled you away then back into him.  Each time your loins met, he got harder and you got wetter.  His mouth fell open and he closed his eyes as he pulled you back into him at a slow rhythm.  His hips began to move and he pressed his hard-on into you as he pulled you in, softly grunting each time.  

He murmured, “How’s that feel, baby?” 

When you didn’t answer, he opened his eyes and pulled you closer.  Your spine was curved over the roller.  He leaned over you and put his hands to the sides of your shoulders.  He thrust against you and you gasped.  He lowered his head. “How’s the stretch?” 

"It's good."

 “We can make it deeper,” he said softly.  

You gave a small nod. 

“Good girl,” he whispered.  He sat back up and positioned himself between your thighs. “Wrap your legs around me.”  You didn’t hesitate. “Hang on tight.”   He put his hands on the mat again and used the motion of his pelvis, front and back, to roll you on the foam roller.  Each time his hardness pressed into you, you were closer to soaking through your leggings. 

“How’s that feel?” 

It was too much of his cock. “Uh, I think my back is good,” you said. 

“Good,” he whispered.  “Need ya real stretched out for me.” 

He slid his massive hand under your back and lifted gently as he slid the foam roller out from under you, then laid you down flat. You let your legs down to the floor.  

While he was still between your legs, he thumbed at the crotch of your leggings, surely as damp as you feared. “It’s natural, baby.”  He smelled then licked his thumb and added, “when we get nice and limber,” as he laid his shorts back into you.  “When we get our blood flowin’." You looked away uncomfortably.  He reassured you, "I get wet, too. i’ll show ya.” 

He leaned down and thrust his hard cock against your tingling cunt, breathing heavily, grunting, closing his eyes.  You twitched against him.  “Natural, baby.” He sped up.  His warm, stiff package pressed rhythmically into your throbbing clit until your back arched and you came.  “fuck,” he whispered, “yeah.”  Then he stopped thrusting, laid into you hard, and moaned as he pulsed against you and came in his shorts.

-

One day, you did leg lifts. You laid down on your side with your head resting in your hand.  He kneeled behind your ass so you were facing away from him. One large hand rested gently on top of your hip and he put his other hand in between your calves.  

“Now lift,” he said softly and nudged your leg upward.  

He held your calf as you lifted your leg, then he slid his hand from your calf, past your knee.  “Good, now down,” he said.  He kept sliding his hand toward your torso until the side of his finger hit the apex of your thighs. 

Each time you raised your leg, he slid his hand up to your calf, and each time you lowered it, his hand slid down to your crotch.  At some point, he started to cup your pussy from behind whenever he reached your crotch.  You could hear him breathing heavier. He scooted closer and rested his other hand on your stomach as he did it.  “Other side now,” he said.  You turned around facing him and watched his eyes devour you as he did the same thing for the whole set. 

When you were done, he murmured, “on your back now.” He instructed you in how to bridge your hips.  “Better for your glutes than squats,”  he said and kneeled at your feet.  You were self conscious to be thrusting as he watched.  His eyes followed your hips as they went up and down.  He spread your knees and got between them.  Then, when you were flat on the ground, he planked over you with his hands on the gym mat and his arms straight.  

“Up until your hips hit mine.” He was still hard from the leg raises.  You felt his hardness every time you lifted your groin into his.  

Good girl,” he whispered and wet his lips.  It was far, far too easy to visualize fucking him. That time when he referenced you thinking about him and touching yourself, he was dead on.  Every time you got home, that’s what you did.  You wanted him desperately.  But it also didn’t feel right - you didn’t know if he was like this with every client or just you.  If you knew it was personal, it might not feel so dirty. 

-

The first time he invited you to into his sauna, you declined.

“Sauna’s infrared,” he told you the next time he urged you to join him. “Real good for ya.”  You heard about the benefits of infrared light, so it intrigued you.    

He led you into the small locker room of his gym.  Once the two of you were in there, he said you should take off your clothes first so the infrared light could wash over you.  He took off his shirt and sat down on a wooden bench outside the sauna.  He put his hands on his knees as you took off your shirt.  “Good girl,” he said.  "Go on,” he added, urging you to remove your bra and leggings, too.  Your ears got hot as you peeled off your sweaty bra.  He beckoned you closer to him, then hooked his fingers into your leggings and helped pull those down.  He inhaled sharply as your cunt was exposed. You tried to cover yourself.  “Shhh, it’s okay baby,” he whispered. “human body’s a beautiful thing. We’re just two bodies here.”  The low echo of his soothing voice made you wetter than you already were. 

“God damn,” he breathed.  “Lookin’ real good.”  You couldn’t fully suppress your smile at the compliment.  He shamelessly rubbed his arousal over his shorts, then stood up to take them off and you looked away.  You couldn’t help but check out his naked ass as he led you into the sauna.  He noticed this in the door’s reflection and smiled to himself.  There weren’t towels or anything, but the rosy hue was somewhat comforting.  It wasn’t too hot in there, either.   

Joel sat right down on the sauna bench, hard-on blazing.    You looked directly at it and your nipples puckered. 

“Turn ya on?” he asked.  “Good sign,” he said. “Means you’re healthy.” His eyes scanned you hungrily from head to toe.  “C’mere a minute, gorgeous,” he beckoned you.  You shyly stepped forward. When you got close enough to him, he gently took your hands in his and guided you to standing as close as possible between his knees.  His foot nudged your feet apart, then he slipped his massive hand between your bare thighs, and his thick fingers met your dripping seam. “Gorgeous,” he said, looking between your legs.  “Just perfect.”  His chest rose and fell with heavy breaths.  With his free hand, he reached for his cock.  It was a mouth-watering sight.  He kept stroking the wet mess between your legs.  His lips parted with desire. 

Your heart raced. “I dunno if this is a good idea,” you said.  

“I think your body’s sayin’ it is, sugar.”  He removed his fingers and examined their shine, then sucked them dry while maintaining eye contact, making you weak in the knees.  He rubbed you again, then asked “Can I feel inside?” and you nodded hesitantly.  He inserted his middle finger first, pumped it a few times, swirled it, pulled it almost all the way out, then added his index finger.  He rested his thumb against your clit as he slowly finger fucked you.  Then he took his thick digits out and wiped them on the head of his cock, gathering his precum to combine with your slick as lube. 

“been doin’ this dance for weeks,” he said.  “Shoulda told me to stop if ya didn’t want it.”  

You were speechless.  

“Think you should sit on this cock now, baby.” He began to stroke himself slowly.   “Lemme get to know your body. Show ya somethin’ special ‘bout yours, too.” You hesitated and he slowly nodded.  “Only take a minute.”   He put his hands on your hips and rotated you to face away from him  “Damn, this ass,” he whispered.  He slid his hand vertically between your legs and rubbed your wet pussy with the side of his index finger. “How ‘bout it, baby? Gotta listen to your body.”  He guided you closer to him.  “What’s your body sayin’?”  Your body was screaming yes. The red light seemed to make you extra horny, even more than you usually got around him. Then again, it was more likely the nudity. The sight of his stiff, naked cock.  

Joel used one hand to hold it at attention, and another to guide you back over it since you were facing away from him.  “Whaddaya say?”

“Okay, I guess,” you whispered, overwhelmed by the desire to have him inside you. Unable to formulate any reasoning behind your hesitation, as if you needed a reason. 

“Good girl,”  he said into the nape of your neck. “Come on down, easy does it.” his breath was hot on your lower back.  

He guided his tip to your entrance then put both hands on your hips and pulled down.  He groaned as you were impaled on his rock-hard shaft and you moaned as his girth stretched you open.   

“So damn tight,” he breathed. Your walls parted to accept him and it was still a stretch.   “Take it, I know ya can.”  He pulled down a little more, a little harder, and groaned as your bodies became flush.  “Now use it,” he said and put his hands on the bench with a lift of his hips that slightly rocked you.  “Do what makes ya feel good.”  You sat there for a moment, then he said, “go ‘head, show me what ya want.” 

You put your hands on your thighs and rose up half way, then lowered yourself with a soft moan.  “Yeah, there ya go, baby.”  He took your hands in his on top of your thighs. 

You rose up a few more times, then he returned his hands to your hips and started guiding you to move you faster.  You put your hands on your knees and tilted your hips to take more of him. “Good girl,” he said.  

He fucked you for a few minutes, panting and praising you.  "Our bodies needed this,” he said as he sheathed himself with your cunt.   “Real bad.”   He let you up and pulled you down, then held you down, moving you on his cock, staying deep inside you, nudging your g-spot.  

You were getting close, but not fast enough.  He started holding breaths and releasing them  vocally, then warned you, "gonna come, baby.”  He kept moving you on his cock, and a few seconds later he panted, “Get up now, ‘less ya wanna be pumped full.”  

You kinda did want that, but you knew it wouldn’t be smart, even though you took your pill pretty well.  Instead, you dismounted him and turned around to watch. Your walls slowly came back together to fill the void he left as he stroked himself.  Then he pointed the head of his cock at your lower belly and his hot seed hit your skin.  

When he finished releasing a massive load, he swiped his fingers through it and raised them to your mouth. "Good protein," he said. 

-

THANK YOU for reading and thank you so much for your reblogs and comments! Now more than ever. PSA: follow me if you're into this, because i'm shadowbanned and not showing up in tags. this also means i can't make comments (but I still read each of yours and truly appreciate it). I also can't send or receive DMs on. main. follow @toxicfics for notifications and @toxicrecs for reblogs.

[mooncrestedwaters]

Rafayel Partner/BF/Husband Headcanon's

🫧Notes; Back on my bullshit

I did some headcanons for just Rafayel on his own and decided to add some on what I think he'd be like in a relationship

Should I do some smutty ones later on? 🤔

🦪 Being Rafayel's partner means you need to be his muse in tow. Get ready for sitting still for hours on end as he paints you until he's satisfied

🦪 You will invade every aspect of his thoughts, morning, noon and night and he has to practically LEASH himself to not text or call you because "Hey y/n, I saw a flower, it's your favorite!", "hey y/n, what's your thoughts on (insert random obscure topic here)?", "Hey y/n would you still love me if I were a worm?", "hey y/n, lets mix random things in a blender and drink it!"

🦪 Despite his bubbly nature and eagerness to pester you and not give you a moments rest, he is horrifically shy around you.

🦪 One miniscule touch and he's acting like he's been deprived of water for decades and you're the prettiest oasis

🦪 He'll practically rub his cheek against your hand, one hand secured tightly around your wrist to keep it in place and the other around your waist keeping you flush up against him as he begs for you to pay him an attention

🦪 "Y/NNNNNNNNN~! COME GIVE ME ATTENTION!" x1000

🦪 Play with his hair and he becomes goo, melts into you like putty and his eyes become misty with how much he enjoys it

🦪 Likes to treat you as his personal dress-up dolly, especially adorning you in any colours that match himself or the sea he loves just as much as you

🦪 He's not stupidly possessive....but he is with you and shows it in a multitude of ways;

- Buying your perfume, he knows what scents you like and for damn sure what smells best on you

- He knows your measurements and can pick out your size perfectly to flatter you

- Gives you jewelry with his colours/initial on them

- Does your make-up and hair because he wants his personal artist touch displayed on you

🦪 Sucker for matching things, will roll his eyes about it but he has a special shelf for all your matching things and has to make sure your matching mugs are used at the same time with you (or he will get pouty, like how dare you use matching mugs no. 56 without him)

🦪 His phone background is you, he puts on his socials that he's taken with your initial and a '🔒' beside it

🦪 Gods spare the poor soul who inquires or asks about you;

First, he'll be suspicious, sussing out the other party to make sure your safety is protected and then the moment he has verified the person isn't a threat the loving gushing words come out like a dam broken and he literally cannot shut the fuck up about you

🦪 Even when you first started dating he'd refer to you as his 'Wife/Husband'

🦪 Has a notes folder with everything about you, from your favorite colour to what your allergies are

🦪 God forbid he sees you cry. His first priority is to comfort and coddle you in his arms, tightly squeezing you in his arms and brushing you hair with his fingers

If he finds out the reason why you're upset is because of someones actions towards you then that person will hear about it and be paid a special visit

🦪 Best at massages and more than happy to give them

🦪 Part of the pretty hands club, art creating art fr

🦪 In public spaces he needs to have some form of skinship or to be as close to y/n as possible (he will pout and sulk if not)

🦪 Loves to paint y/n while they're asleep

🦪 Has gotten huffy and painted whatever colour was one his brush on y/n (cue play fighting of throwing paint at each other)

🦪 Hates to cook, will cook is y/n asks for it

🦪 Best partner for when y/n is sick/has that time of the month;

He knows ALL of your favorite snacks, what brand medicine/sanitary pads you use and what gifts to get you to cheer you up

🦪 Love languages is Words of Affirmation, Gift Giving and Quality Time

🦪 Favorite date nights are when he can be creative or use his hands to make something;

- Date night where you paint together

- Date nights building lego together (he calls it childish yet keeps buying the sets)

- Date night where you cook together

🦪 When you're sad, one of his ways to cheer you up is to turn on 2000s pop hits and give y/n a private show

- Backstreet Boys? Nope, Rafayel has dressed himself in all white and serenades you

- NSYNC? Nope, Rafayel put two minute noodles on his head as you cackle

- Britney Spears? Nah, it's Rafayel Bitch (You still have pictures of him in a pleated mini skirt and his short hair with two miniscule twin tails)

He takes the brunt of the embarrassment to see your face streaked with tears of joy instead of tears of grief

🦪 Banter Banter Banter, doesn't fucking stop until he gets worked up enough, grabs your cheeks with one hand and kisses you passionately

🦪 Y/N: Oh, thats cute!

Rafayel: *opens wallet*

🦪 Has shown up to your work with flowers and gifts before (Tara won't let you live it down)

🦪 Nicknames for you are;

- Princess/Prince

- My Muse

- Little Fishy

- Darling

- Pretty Baby

- Gorgeous Girl/Boy

🦪 Did a whole exhibit with paintings he made because of you and refused to sell any of them

To him, the world gets to see you but will never own a part of you

[thesleepyfable]

~ SWTD: Still Here AU Part 1 ~

Trots' Reflection:

A first of many chapters I have planned for the Still Here AU. This turned out to be much longer than I expected, so that might be the case for future chapters. If you enjoyed this, then thank you, and let me know if you want Muir or Gibbo's chapter next. Rennick's chapter will be released last.

Part 2:

'Oh fuck. Is that...Trots? Jesus Christ.'

Caz stared in horror at what his friend had become. From the waist down, Trots was just an amalgamation of flesh that spouted tendrils to keep his balance whilst his uniform had been torn to near shreds, leaving only pieces hanging from his arms and upper chest.

Is this why Gibbo didn't want to be looked at? He couldn't blame the poor bastard.

With his eyes wide and the muscles in his neck twitching, Caz knew this was only one way to get back to Roy.

Shit.

He gave himself a moment to calm down before turning the torch off and quietly opening the door. Sweat dripped from his forehead, and he had to hold in a gag from the rank smell that struck his nose. He couldn't afford to be spotted, but the noises from Trots' cries of pain and repeating of words carried an echo throughout the room. Caz, for a moment, thought Trots had already seen him and was playing the long game to lure him further. To make himself smaller and quieter, he crouched and awkwardly tip-toed over broken glass and anything that could make a sound.

An open cupboard gave him a moment to breathe again. It only took 10 seconds, but it felt like an eternity for the leccy. He peered out and saw Trots at a better, or in this case, worse angle. 'What the fuck...?' Caz noticed Trots' legs below the knee hanging against the growth. Every few seconds they would twitch, but The Shape had them firmly in place. And whenever they tried to move, Caz noticed Trots made a groan in agony. There was nothing to be done and Caz knew that.

Thinking quickly, he grabbed a Cadal mug by his feet and aimed it towards the other side of the room. He shuffled some of his body from his hiding spot and tossed it over the small pile of laundry machines before quickly tucking himself back in.

Clunk.

Trots reared his head with a curious 'chirp' and took the bait. No longer distracted by the strange light, he crawled along the floor, clearly in pain, as the tendrils latched and detached themselves from anything they could reach. Caz came out of hiding and slowly crept for the stairs. Just up here, and he'll be back with Roy. Then they can make a new plan to -

'W-What?'

Trots' voice made Caz stand still. He slowly looked back with a mix of shock and confusion across his face. Trots' cadence was different. It didn't sound altered by The Shape trying to copy his speech patterns. It was him.

'What the fuck is this?' Trots stared at his reflection in pure shock. His heart raced and his stomach sank as he tried to make out what he was seeing. 'Is that me? But, how - I'm...' Caz slowly followed his voice and glanced at Trots, who was holding a door with all the strength he had. At any moment he could rip it off its hinges. He saw Caz's reflection and turned to him - eyes wide and mouth dry - gesturing to the grotesque mass. 'Caz. What - what happened to me?!' Panic was now, and rightfully, starting to set in.

'Trots? Are you - Okay, okay, just calm down.'

'Calm down? Caz, I look like I've been put through a fuckin' blender!'

'Alright, alright. I'm sorry. Fuck sake.'

A small pause lingered for Trots. He wasn't one for swearing or raising his voice. Even The Shape couldn't replicate that. A tendril moved to close the machine door. It must have been subconsciously because Trots' body and breath shivered, and his eyes squinted.

But that was good, wasn't it? He could control the mass now.

'How ye' feeling?' Caz asked, unable to take the silence.

'Better,' Trots answered with an exhausted tone. 'My mind felt like it was being pulled all over the shop.' It was a strange and painful sensation. He could compare it to being in a coma. He was aware of what was going around him, but couldn't react. His mind and body were on auto-pilot yet he couldn't focus enough to fight back until he saw his reflection. Then it was like a fog had been lifted.

'I'm sorry wee man.'

'For what?'

'I heard ya through the door. I tried getting to ya, but it wouldn't budge. Do you remember what happened?'

Trots nodded. 'Aye. It just shot through the window and latched onto my leg. It felt like someone had taken a knife and was stabbing me over and fuckin' over again. And,' he scoffed. 'Now I'm here.'

'Well, I'm not leaving ya here, pal. I'm gonna to fetch Roy. He's in the pantry.'

'What about the others?'

'Brodie's with Raffs. Poor bastard was shaken after his dive. Finlay and Douglas are looking for Gibbo in engineering, and I spoke to O'Connor. He's with Bruce and Fergus.' He'll leave out Innes. 'Of course that bastard Rennick is still kicking. Probably tucked away all nice and cosy in his office.' He took a quick glance to the stairs. 'So, you with me?'

'...Alright.'

The pair moved in silence. The only thing breaking that was either the stairs echoing with Caz's footsteps or Trots letting out a groan of pain. Both of the men knew The Shape wasn't done with him yet. Trots could control his mind, body and soul, but this thing was slowly mutating him to survive. Who knew what he'd look like by the end of it.

A part of the wall had collapsed from the tendrils. A shooting pain ran through Caz and Trots' head as they approached. 'It's trying to lure us in, Caz.'

'Just ignore it, mate. Here, help me push it back.' Caz can easily slip through the smaller space, but Trots certainly wasn't. He wedged himself halfway between the wall and used his shoulder the push. The wall behind him was used as a base for his feet. 'Come on, Trots.' It wasn't going to budge by itself.

Using all the tendrils and his shoulder, Trots could feel the wall slowly move back. Caz began to slide to the other side, giving Trots room to follow and to an area where the wall wasn't leaning as much. The Shape was stubborn. It was oddly strong for something that looked like ribbons.

'I thought you were a boxer,' Trots bantered with a smirk.

'Yeah. A boxer,' Caz retorted. 'Not a heavy weight lifter, ya prick.'

Both men suddenly burst out laughing, which must have attracted Roy who awkwardly stood at the canteen door. He had noticed Trots and began to go through the same emotions as Caz, frozen in place.

'Erm, Caz.' He got their attention, and the pair turned to him, still stifling laughs.

'Oh, hey Roy. Give us a hand, will ya?'

[foursaints]

i beg you to open your heart and see that evan & barty both exercise and it’s part of why they suck

barty: goes to the gym but does not take it even remotely seriously he dgaf. lazily mixing cookies & cream flavor protein powder into his gross plain yogurt and eating it standing up in the middle of the kitchen in his boxers. built long, mean, & lean like a hyena (!!). his back and shoulders are fucking unfair and evan wants to climb him. the only thing he regularly does is go for daily distance runs with his shitty old iphone strapped into an arm band & his wired earbuds

evan: yoga instructor. exercises but in the psychotic productivity/clean girl/patrick bateman “morning routine” way where he wakes up at like 5am, stretches, meditates, takes one thousand vitamins, and drinks some green concoction from his bullet blender made from pandora’s hippie superfoods, all with the most long-suffering expression on his face. pilates & flexibility. the first time barty saw evan going to yoga class in shorts & leg warmers he stared so hard he walked directly into a doorframe

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

I apologize in advance for how ridiculous sounds, but...

AITA for using food from the mosque in my "pussy smoothie"?

Fuck. I'm so sorry. This happened a few months ago and it's been eating at me.

Background:

I (30nb) volunteer at my local mosque - usually cleaning up litter or handing out food to the homeless, but also lately organizing drives and protests for Palestine. I'm white and non-religious, but I have a few friends at the mosque and I like to get involved in the community. Once we're done making meals, there's usually a tiny bit of food leftover that the imam encourages us to take, because otherwise it will go bad. I usually take the most bruised/undesireable stuff after everyone else has had their pick. I also take the near-empty peanut butter jars - there's maybe 2 spoonfuls left in each if you scrape everything out with a spatula. I use the rest of the PB, and wash and recycle the jars. They would be thrown out if left at the mosque.

I also make something I jokingly referred to once as a "pussy smoothie" and the name has since stuck. I made it after having sex with my partner and my blood sugar dropping too low. It's basically just a mix of nutritious stuff thrown in a blender - frozen squash, banana, peanut butter, etc. The pussy smoothie staple always contains peanut butter, banana, and cocoa powder. I usually make one after sex/masturbating as a sort of aftercare for me.

The issue:

I made one of these after masturbating a few months ago, and I included the last rotted banana from the mosque as well as the remaining peanut butter and a hot chocolate packet.

My partner saw, and questioned why I used the stuff from the mosque. It was all we had. We're broke and food insecure, so it's not uncommon for us to use whatever we can. They said I shouldn't use donated food for it, and instead make other things like a sandwich for work or something, and asked what the imam would think.

I am NOT about to ask anyone at the mosque, especially not the imam, what they think of my post-sexy time smoothies. So I'm asking here.

AITA for using food from the mosque in my pussy smoothie?

What are these acronyms?

[hyp3rfixation-h3ll]

oh theyre ABSOLUTELY autistic . sunny and zac are adhd x autism before it was even a popular shipping trope . these bad boys can hold so much mental illness in em /pos

not to spread my pac's parents propaganda here but that;s exactly what im doing. theyre the type of people who look normal and sane and then you meet them personally and theyre Actually Unhinged but in two VASTLY different ways, and they just Happened to fall in love with each other and create a third, completely New type of freak (ENDEARINGLY)

sunny is literally the (presumably younger) sibling of SPHERIA , and considering all we know about spheria it's not farfetched to assume sunny is Also , if not More of a loose cannon than her sister, and zac literally PRESERVED his wife's pacberry pie recipe in a STONE TEMPLE FOR FUCKING YEARS because he loved it SO MUCH and didnt wanna lose it in the event that something happened. theyre Both just absolutely out of their gourds and that's PRECISELY why they married each other instead of everyone else . i love middle aged yuri

I know it might sound like I'm reaching with this hc but. They're like everyone's favorite weirdos BUT ALSO ? autism. Big autism time and ESPECIALLY for Pacster. He shows too many symptoms to go unnoticed. Dude I love your headcannon fr, keeps my hyperfixation alive-