#and mike would be the type to be very superstitious

[howicked]

bbc ghosts but they’re all Creatures™ from Philippine mythology

*the english translation of the filipino terms are boldly formatted

**i’m not an expert on this area, i just loosely describe and relate the characters based on what i know

**blood, guts, gore, and horror in general ahead, the illustrations are also not mine

• Kitty - diwata or boringkantada or a duwende

can’t decide which works best for kitty: a filipino nymph, a beautiful supernatural woman or a playful hobgoblin.

diwata is umbrella term for beautiful goddesses, and the most popular ones are dayang makiling, mariang sinukuan, and maria cacao. i think kitty would be mariang sinukuan— a kind and generous goddess who stopped bringing fruits and harvests to humans when they became unsatisfied and greedy.

a boringkantada is definitely not boring: it possesses beauty both physically and in its voice. when someone is lured by its singing, it instinctively assumes the person is about to rob the treasures it guards and viscously attacks them.

the hobgoblin that loves to play, a duwende has the tendency to be extremely jealous and may either shower gifts to the ones they like and play tricks on the ones they don’t.

*i also see pat as a duwende, and i’ll elaborate that on the next parts.

• Fanny - white lady or a dalikamata

i mean, she’s already a grey lady so this one’s not far-fetched. basically, a white lady is a ghost dressed in a white dress, particularly an urban legend that resides in a Balete tree in Quezon City, Manila. it is also known as the Weeping Woman or the Wronged Woman in other beliefs.

alternatively, i also think she would be a dalikamata— a Visayan goddess with many eyes that can see the past, present and the future. i relate the all-seeing, all-knowing attribute to fanny’s nosy attitude.

• Mary - albularyo

derived from the spanish term herbolario, these folk or witch doctors are either believed to have supernatural abilities to cure illness better than modern medicine or hated for being a pseudoscience and/or a witch. screams mary to me. She knows every herb and ointment, can track the roots of what caused the sickness, but also has the capability to harm those who wronged her. ultimately, she does her best to help others.

• Annie - mangkukulam

rip annie you would’ve loved putting curses on men. she would’ve been a powerful witch. there are many other terms for filipino witches according to respective regions, but we call them mangkukulam in our area. plus, these witches believe that their spells do not work on the innocent, their targets often being thieves and colonizers.

side note: i actually have this oc from a story i once tried to write wherein the albularyo and mangkukulam are girlfriends because of the contradicting capabilities, and the idiots themselves told me mary and annie were gay.

• Pat - nuno sa punso or a duwende

a nuno sa punso is a dwarf goblin that will harm you if you anger it by kicking its house (an anthill) and/or pissing on it. if modern medicine cannot cure you in any way and you have disrespected him, you may need to ask for his forgiveness or seek help from the albularyo. “tabi-tabi po” or “excuse me please” is a phrase you say to show respect to beings like this.

my first reason for nuno!pat was because of his height. but it is also depicted as a tiny, angry grandpa and a protector of the earth— which reminds me of pat.

on the other hand, the duwende is a hobgoblin that likes playing with children because of its natural playful attitude. this one’s not that easily angered unlike the nuno sa punso, but can still hurt those it doesn’t like.

• Captain - kapre

the way i giggled when i thought of cap being a CAPre. kapre cap,,, i feel like the funniest person alive. the photo makes it funnier— just some local kapre with glasses with a tree behind it

a kapre is a cigar-smoking, tree-dweller. traditionally, it presents itself as a hairy, muscular, and tall guardian/protector of the land that can also shapeshift into a beautiful man to invite people to follow them (especially in the woods). hence, it can make you run around in circles as you forget memories of your life.

side note: thomas can also be a kapre because if a kapre likes you, it will follow and protect you from your enemies for life. a former filipino president (emilio aguinaldo) is believed to have outlived his enemies because he had a kapre amulet.

• Humphrey - manananggal or pugot

a manananggal is a self-segmenting vampire. its upper torso has wings that help it fly and hunt humans (particularly pregnant women and their babies), while its lower torso stays behind. there is a belief that you can actually kill it by finding its lower torso and putting salt or crushed garlic in it in order to prevent it from uniting with its upper torso. i’m thinking about this image of humphrey’s head having wings attached behind him, and his tudor outfit already spells out vampire to me.

or if we’re gonna be canon compliant, humphrey is already a version of a pugot— a headless creature from the ifugao. but i’m putting this on a maybe part because there are many versions of the pugot: some believe it is a version of the kapre, some believe it is a shapeshifting ghoul.

• Robin - aswang or sigbin or bungisngis

aswang is a broad, umbrella term for all cannibal shapeshifters. they appear as normal humans by day, and various human-animal hybrids by night.

i also see robin as a sigbin. both are seen as dog-like creatures that eat fresh, bloody, and raw meat. some believe that you can keep a sigbin as a pet that will protect you and even let you hop in on its back— but once you let it starve, it will always be a creature of the night that can eat you and your entire family.

robin would also make a good bungisngis because it is a cannibal one-eyed cyclops. its name directly translates to “one who giggles a lot”, which is why it is known for laughing and playing tricks. ironically, it is dumb enough to be tricked.

• Julian - bakunawa or engkanto

the bakunawa is a dragon serpent notably known for allegedly eating the earth’s seven moons. i’d like to think of that as a parallel to a politician like julian being enamored by the shiny power and wealth.

and because of julian’s charms, he would also be an engkanto— environmental spirits that presents to be good-looking and formerly known as a protector of the people but may also tend to be deceiving (much like of a politician).

• Thomas - tikbalang

this one’s peer-reviewed by a friend so i’m more than confident about thomas being a tikbalang. it appears to be a half-human half-horse creature known to lead travelers astray as they live in the mountains. it is known to be mischievous when it play tricks on humans (a tribute i might also relate to julian or robin), so make sure to wear your shirt inside out or stay quiet while in the woods to not disturb it.

unrelated but fun fact: if it’s raining, we have this belief that a tikbalang is getting married. (this phrase is potentially from the spanish when they believed that a witch is getting married when there’s rain on a sunny day)

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Ello! May I request a small oneshot or headcanon a Good ending for our boi strangled red and Miki? :3 basically like child Reader/Y/n has a Xatu as they’re best companion and is friends with steven and mike! [maybe like a sibling like/mentor like mixed with Friend bond?].Anyways so Chid Y/n notices they’re Xatu is acting weird and ask what’s wrong,nothing happens UNTIL it’s night time,the child gets the vision from they’re Xatu about the Creepypasta aka ya know the whole Drama with Miki,Mike and Steven. Y/n tries to tell the three but they don’t really believe the kid,idk.When the day arrives the child tries with all they’re attempt to make it not happen or atleast save Miki! ^^ sorry this is very specific and long! ^^

This turned out to be anything but small ghshghs but enjoy! Considering Xatu is my fav psychic-type I loved writing for them <3

............

As a child coming from a family of Xatu-interpreters, it would only make sense for you to have one of your own. 

Your once skittish Natu companion evolved into a loyal friend that could help you make various predictions, such as the weather or what events may happen later in the day.

Of course, not many folks were inclined to believe the pokedex’s claims that Xatus could see into the past and future. Compared to your hometown in Johto, people in Kanto weren’t nearly as superstitious.

But when you moved here and Steven and Mike, they were impressed that your Pokémon correctly predicted them receiving their starters the very next day, becoming fast friends with you from there onward.

While you were a few years too young to start your journey, they taught you everything they knew about Pokémon battling in the event that it was necessary to defend yourself.

However being brothers with different strategies led to...often contradictory advice: Steven might explain how raising stats will help your Pokémon seize victory, only for Mike to claim that the only stats that mattered are whatever made opponents faint quicker.

Regardless, you listened to their every word. Obviously right now you weren’t looking to strain your Xatu’s psychic powers in any fight unless they were willing to. 

They spent most of their days meditating while gazing at the sun, or following you around town and being the voice of reason whenever you tried making impulsive decisions (such as buying dozens of ultra balls to catch wild Pokémon yourself).

Mike had joked that they’re acting like a full-time parent towards you...and in a way, it felt like that.

But as the brothers grew to be powerful trainers, you could see they’ve somehow inspired your Xatu. Their psychic energy became a lot stronger as well. In fact, they wanted to be taught better moves and help you weaken wild Pokémon enough to catch them, proving they was capable of battling beyond self-defense.

Sometime later, they foresaw Steven becoming the new champion--and when that came to pass in reality, both of you showed up at the Indigo League to celebrate his victory.

It was amazing! And it gave you the hope of having more optimistic outcomes in the near future.

They were certainly giving you a head start in your Pokémon journey.

..........

“Good morning, Xatu! You ready for today?” Excited, you brought Xatu out into the living room, smiling at them in greeting.

However, that wasn’t to last as you noticed they were standing unusually still, not acknowledging you as their gaze was fixated on the wall. But you knew they were actually staring at the sun's current position in the sky, always knowing where it is.

You've read about why they'd fall into a trance like this.

That's only if they saw something bad happening in the future, becoming so afraid that it can't be changed that....they'd simply seize all movements.

"What's wrong?" You tilted your head. "What do you see?"

You'd think that considering your close bond, they'd trust you enough to relay their vision to you...yet they appeared extremely hesitant. As if scared you'll be angry or upset if they told you.

“Xatuuuu..you know you can tell me. I won’t get upset, I promise.” You whined, before an idea struck you and a mischievous smirk appeared on your face. “....okay then. I’m gonna head out with Steven and buy a hundred max potions that I don’t need! You better come stop me!!”

Then you ran towards the front door, pausing to see if they would follow you or at least stop you from walking out.

Yet there was no reaction. It was like if they couldn’t hear or see you.

They never stood this still when it predicted Zapdos bringing a dangerous lightning storm into town, nor Team Rocket’s takeover of Pokémon Tower.

So what could it have possibly seen that was worse?

Sighing in defeat, you walked back over to them. “I thought that would work. C’mon, Steven’s waiting for us."

“........”

“...okay, you can stay here if you want.” You gave in, knowing that you couldn’t force a Xatu out of meditation. “You’ll know where I’ll be. Just don't stress too much, alright?”

“...tu.”

Finally there was a response. It was quiet, but it made you feel better to see they weren’t completely silent. While their behavior worried you greatly, you didn’t want your friends to worry about that.

So when you heard a knock at the door, you went over to open it and greet Steven and Miki with a smile. 

“Hey, Stevie!” You looked at the Charizard, who lowered her head and allowed you to pet her horns, grumbling happily as you did so. “Hey, Miki. How are you?”

“We’ve been pretty great.” Steven nodded in greeting, though he frowned slightly. “I heard you talking to Xatu. Is..something up with them?”

“I don’t know.” You shrugged. “They’ve been acting weird all morning, stuck in some trance. It’s normal for them, though, so I’m trying not to worry too much. They wanna stay home today.”

“Alright, well..you wanna head to the Safari Zone? I went ahead and paid for all three of us.”

“Awh yea! Thank you, Steven!!” You grinned in excitement. “But..you’re the champion, shouldn't they let you in for free?"

“Maybe in my dreams, they will.” He chuckled. “C’mon. Let’s get you some Pokémon.”

“Alrighty!”

You’ll worry about Xatu later. They’ll be okay without you for a few hours.

Maybe some time alone is all they needed.

.......

When you returned home later that night, you were happy about all of the new Pokémon you caught in the Safari Zone. It was exciting! And you got to add them to your pokedex, slowly being on your way to being a "pokemaster"--as Mike called it.

So you were just sitting in bed, reading the newest pokedex entries for them. But once you were done, you felt tired and shut off the device, putting it on your nightstand.

Xatu hadn't moved from the living room since you came home, so the pokeball that remained on the table as well was empty.

You wondered when they'll tell you about their vision.

Though just as you were about to switch off the light and go to sleep--a certain psychic-type suddenly ran into the bedroom.

"Xa!! XATU!!!" They cried, stopping at your side.

"X-Xatu??" You were bewildered at their panicked-state. But before you could ask them what's wrong, they began waving their wings around in patterns.

They were fast as they eventually gestured to your computer with the trading machine hooked to it, and then the Charizard plushie sitting on your shelf.

"Wait, wait. So....you’re saying that...one--no, two nights from now, a Charizard will be traded and...something will go wrong?” You concluded. “You're not talking about...Miki, are you?"

Xatu nodded, finally folding their wings in front of themselves before bowing their head. Their whole body seemed to tremble as a tear slipped out of their right eye, which stunned you..considering they never cried.

But you knew they cared for Miki a lot; it’s no wonder they didn’t immediately wanna relay their vision to you. They feared telling you...and feared that neither of you could change the outcome of that event.

Fortunately, you also knew exactly how to ground them.

Frowning slightly, you got out of bed to hug them, feeling their wings wrap around you tightly. “It’s okay, my friend..I understand now. But it’s not set in stone..we can stop it from happening. We’ll make sure Miki doesn’t get traded away.”

“Xa.” They muttered quietly, relaxing its shoulders. “Tu, tu.”

“..Steven’s gonna trade her to Mike? I wonder why he’d agree to that...but I don’t doubt you, Xatu. We’ll just warn them both first thing in the morning. Let’s just rest for now.” You smiled reassuringly, letting them go. “Thank you for telling me.”

“Xaa..tu?”

“I mean..you predicted them becoming champions, right? So they’ll have to believe us.”

.......

“I...don’t know if I believe that for sure, [y/n]..”

“Yeah, I’ve never heard of any issues with the trading system. It should be fine.”

“Huh?? But...But Xatu was serious about it!” You frowned as Steven, Mike, and Miki gave you the strangest looks.

Of course, you figured they’d be confused when you told them about Xatu's vision...but for them to look at you as though you grew two heads was outrageous. “You believed them before, didn’t you? You know most of their predictions came true!”

“”Most” is a keyword there.” Mike pointed out. “I mean..what could go wrong? Can Xatu tell us what to look out for?”

“..they're not a time-traveler, Mikey. They can only give us so much insight into the future before it stresses them out.”

“They don’t have to stress about our future, and neither do you, kiddo.” Smiling, he reached down to pat your head in reassurance, before doing the same to Xatu, receiving a glare from them. “Besides, I still got a few more Pokémon to add to my pokedex, and my little bro would be happy to help if I needed one more, right?”

“Yeah.” Steven nodded in agreement. “As long as you don’t plan to steal Miki.”

“Whaaat? Never! I mean she’s tough, but so is my Blastoise!”

“...remind me again who won?”

“..ugh..” Mike facepalmed as his brother smirked knowingly, before looking back at you. “Anyways, if we do decide to trade I’m sure it’ll be fine. Tell Xatu not to panic, alright? We had no problems getting a Gengar, Scizor, or Machamp, so we’re not worried.”

You simply huffed in annoyance that neither of them believed you. For Arceus’ sake, Xatu was distressed to the point of tears last night! 

Why couldn’t they believe your friend this time..when all other times, they did??

But you didn't want them to get annoyed with you, so you decided to leave their house with Xatu in-tow, lying about having homework.

Instead, you were gonna find a way to ensure that trade doesn't happen. You won't sabotage their machine or steal Miki's pokeball...that just wouldn't be right. But you'll figure out something.

This event simply can't come to pass.

You won't allow it.

...........

“...I don’t know if I want to do this now, Mike.”

“C’mon..it’ll be fine! All that stuff [y/n] said is just nonsense! The trading system’s perfectly fine. You even said it yourself, this is the safest thing in Kanto.”

“But..they seemed serious, and their Xatu-”

“Is just a superstitious bird who probably gets spooked real easily.”

“..they’ve made tons of predictions, though. And all of them were right.”

“Look, if anything should happen, which I doubt, we’ll just cancel the trade. And we’ll let [y/n] know we got it under control.”

“........”

“C’monnn. Think about it..are we really gonna let some “bad juju” from a kid stop us from being pokemasters?" We’re so close-!”"

"...yeah, you're right. Nothing's gone wrong before. So maybe it'll be-"

“Wait!!”

Jumping, Steven and Mike swiveled around in their chairs, bewildered as you came rushing into their room, huffing and puffing. You looked rather sweaty with dirt and scrapes all over your skin; Xatu was not far behind, proudly holding a pokeball in their wings as they too sported some scrapes.

Mike was in disbelief as they calmly set the ball in his hands. He looked down at it for a moment, and then up to you, confused. “What is this? A..Charmander? Did you find one just for me?"

“Actually, it’s a Charmeleon. We saved it from a Team Rocket jerk.” You beamed, patting Xatu’s head as they cooed in agreement. “She was angry that it wouldn’t evolve into Charizard, and when we beat them..she just left it behind. And I promised Charmeleon that I knew someone who won’t treat it like a tool.”

The brothers both frowned upon learning of its mistreatment. But Steven was rather upset that you fought a grunt way stronger than you, knowing you could've easily gotten hurt.

“You shouldn't have done that, [y/n]..” He told you. “You’ve barely battled all the bug trainers around here. Team Rocket isn’t something to mess around wi-”

“But you...y-you actually kicked their butt to get me the Pokémon I needed??" Mike grinned widely, springing out of his seat and hugging both you and Xatu tightly. "Thank you so much!! I promise I’ll give this fella all the love and patience it needs! I’m sure it’ll be a Charizard in no time!”

You just smiled and hugged him back, relieved he accepted your help, before he let go and ran off to train his new companion. He was acting like an excited little kid all over again, similar to when he first got Squirtle.

“Well...I guess we don’t have to trade after all.” Steven sighed as he put Miki’s pokeball back in his bag. “I’ll admit..I didn’t wanna do it either, but I knew Mike wouldn’t stop bugging me until I agreed. So..thanks. Just be more careful next time, alright?"

"I promise we will." Putting an arm around Xatu, you squeezed them to your side as they closed their eyes, looking genuinely happy for once. “Hope we didn’t make you too paranoid."

"Nah, it's probably for the best that we didn't trade. Who knows what might've happened.."

[ralofofriverwoods]

They are finally complete

I’m making yet another universe! This time it’s very like. Decrepit fucked up city/apocalyptic type thing. Pretty much like zombie apocalypse, but enough of civilization survived/was rebuilt to continue being organized with laws n stuff. Not to say it is anything near uncorrupt or not in need of some dismantling

I’m also thinking of making these guys into a webcomic! Sounds like a fun project, especially now that it’s summer and I have some more time on my hands. I’d love to hear if that’s something anyone would want to see. I’ll prolly do it either way but it’s good to hear some input on the idea. These lovelies would be the main cast(or at least recurring characters)

Names+info, from left to right, under the cut:

1. Mike

Does odd jobs for people in the shadows. Smuggling, being a bodyguard, distraction, you name it and he can do it. Also one of the more superstitious people of the bunch, and could technically be classified as a ‘warlock’, for lack of a better term. Lesser known in terms of criminal activity, but not for lack of trying. Lives in one of the major cities.

2. Jasper Nautilos

A trucker. Usually transports things like medicine and such from small city to small city, usually near the coast. May or may not be wanted in a lot of major cities for a few bits of murder. Best of friends with Nadia, and has many connections.

3. Nadia Lodi

Works on programming jobs wherever jasper happens to be for very cheap. Reprograms solar panels, fixes up farming vehicles that are a bit too complicated for the layman, etc. Pretty much anything she can get her hands on. Also takes up more un-savory jobs under the table, but don’t tell anyone. As far as most people are concerned, she’s got a 100% clean record.

4. J.D.

Jd doesn’t do much, mostly just works at the local gardening center/general store. Helps out when people need a lock picked or a piece of hardware replaced. Somehow has lots of really helpful friends in every city within a 100 mile radius, and likely well beyond(somehow). Will take anything you tell her to the grave, no questions asked. Shares an apartment with Sleep

5. “Sleep”

A sweet lady that technically doesn’t have a job. She mainly just helps out the owners of the apartment building her and jd live in with whatever is needed, in return for an extremely decreased rent price and much more lenience on what is and isn’t allowed in the apartment. Collects cool little trinkets, and has a knack for making things go kaboom.

6. Dr Jess

A mysterious man(?) that has a back alley clinic in multiple, seemingly random, cities. Usually performs low cost, high quality amputations and other body mods, cosmetic or otherwise. Virtually invisible to most of the higher classes, but known and loved by everyone in the lower class. Somehow has enough money to treat almost any ailment and condition, despite giving a 99.999% off discount to at least half of his clients. Never takes off his mask(though nobody asks, out of respect for him).

7. “Stalk”

Mostly makes firearms and chills in his little space off the grid. Truly lives in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, tens of hundreds of miles away from the nearest city. Very popular with the few criminals that take the time to go out of their way to buy what he has for sale. Goes out of his way to avoid most city-folk, and occasionally makes a business deal or two with Nadia when she stops by.

[brainmaniaman]

Can you write a Daddy kink fic with Miche Zacharias (AOT), something with Angst then turns to Smut towards the end please. I am just in love with him.

title: again and again.

tags: daddy kink(?)(light), breeding kink(?), angst, smut

word count: 3,615

other notes: i don't usually write for mike but i really enjoyed writing this. i think this is my favorite fic i have written so far. i took a different spin on the daddy kink, i'm sorry. this isn't filthy so much as it is emotional?

seeing someone outside of the survey corps certainly wasn't illegal but it was considered taboo. why subject someone to a life of waiting around for their beloved to come home, only to savor the few days off that the survey corps even allowed. it was undeniably selfish. maybe that was the reason why people within the survey corps had a tendency to stick around each other - because who better understood the plights of a soldier sent out to die than another soldier just like them? just like everything else in mike's life, it just made sense. but selfishly, though, mike afforded himself one thing in his life that didn't make sense. you. a trail of goosebumps followed the path his hooked nose took down the side of your neck, leaving small shivers in its wake. if anything, mike was known for his keen sense of smell - a talent so sharp that it sometimes startled even him. in the field, his sense of smell was a strong asset. sometimes the strength of his smell was overwhelming to the point of giving him terrible, piercing, migraines that would shoot through his temple - especially if the scent was particularly unsavory so he had established a rule with himself: he'd only press his nose to someone once, to get a good gauge for who they were, and that was it. but with every rule, there was an exception. naturally, that exception was you. there wasn't anything special about the way you smelled - just like a plain person. sometimes, a sweet scent accompanied you - but that was because baths were a luxury afforded to noblewomen such as yourself. "do you have to leave?" it was a stupid question to ask and you knew it. his fingers trailed up the sides of your arms, causing small shivers to rocket down your spine. he pulled his head back from the side of your neck, resting his hands on either side of your face as he tilted your head up. your head craned upwards, the muscles in the back of your neck straining as your head tilted itself back a bit too far in an attempt to look upwards at him. "come on." was his only response. mike was never a man of many words. you knew this. in fact, you admired his carefulness and precision with words. "look, i know . . ." you, on the other hand? ever since you were little, you had a bit of a motor mouth. in fact, sometimes you talked so much it was hard for anyone else to get a word in edgewise. not that mike minded, though. he never really had much to say, and he liked to hear you talk. you were vibrant and full of life - a nice reminder that hope and happiness existed within the world. "it's just that . . . well - i don't want you to go!" you exclaimed. another stupid statement. of course you didn't want him to go. who wanted their lover to ride off to certain death? "what if you get hurt when you leave? break a leg? or both legs? or worse -" anxiety was creeping on you, causing tension to pull at your shoulders. "or worse. what if you don't -" "shh." he hushed you by placing a sturdy index finger gently to your lips, politely silencing you. "you worry too much." not that he could blame you. in fact, if there was anything both you and mike shared it was a propensity for worry. he was just better at hiding it than you were. "i've always come back, haven't i?" it was his turn to make a stupid, hopeful, comment. he knew better than it, too. it was custom in the survey corps to not speak about returning home from an expedition unless you wanted to jinx it. mike had never been a superstitious person but this was one tradition from the survey corps he liked to carry. though the worry that glossed in your eyes and the stress that pulled at your muscles made him feel bad. so made an exception and broke tradition just this once, for you. there was a stiff silence between the two of you before your shoulders sagged downwards, relaxing a bit. "yeah . . ." you agreed with him. "you're humanity's second strongest, right? it's not for nothing. but i really think you should be given the title of humanity's first strongest." you were starting to work yourself up into a bit of a tizzy as his hands rested

on either side of your face, "it just doesn't make any sense to me. why would they give the title of humanity's strongest to someone who looks like a sickly child when they have someone like you right in front of them. it just -" mike dipped his head downwards, silencing you with his lips this time instead of his finger. "levi is a very capable man. i'd trust him with my life." mike interjected honestly as he pulled backwards, the palms of his hands gently pressing your cheeks a bit tighter. "but i don't want to talk about levi, or the impending expedition, or humanity's strongest or second strongest." mike was also a blunt man when it came to speaking his mind - but that was something you enjoyed as well. in truth, you didn't blame him for not wanting to talk about work on his off day. but you couldn't help it. you wanted to know about his day, his week, his dreams, his aspirations, especially given the fact that he talked so little about himself. "then what do you want to talk about?" you inquired curiously, furrowing your eyebrows together. "in truth?" mike's hands moved from the sides of your face, fingertips ghosting down the sides of your neck, and trailed themselves over your shoulders. his fingertips drug from your shoulders down your sides - causing you to squirm a bit. he couldn't help but let a smile quirk onto his lips. you had always been ticklish. "not much at all." mike's hands curled around your back, closing the gap between the two of you. for a second, you hesitated - not out of lack of want or desire for mike, but out of simple concern. you wanted to pull back and force him to talk about his day, his week, his month - to pry open his feelings and concerns. but the way his tongue gently pressed between your lips and into your mouth was both enticing and inviting. talking could wait. thick fingers calloused from years of hard labor and maneuvering ODM gear traced down your back, his hips pushing yours forward as he guided you several steps back. the back of your knees collided uncomfortably against the back of mike's military standard bed. the collision was uncomfortable, but not rough or rushed. instead, he drug his finger tips up to your shoulders, pressing you down into a sitting position. for a moment, mike lingered over you - leaving the two of you stewing in awkward silence as he blatantly stared. "do you not want to -" "i do." mike answered abruptly. "just -" his voice was raspy. "i need a moment." he wasn't normally compelled to stand in awkward silence or blatantly stare, as he was the type of guy to finish what he set out to do. however, something compelled him to linger in the moment for a bit. it felt like he was looking at you for the last time and the corners of your mouth turned downwards into a frown. you were never one to appreciate goodbyes - only "see you later's." "don't -" you rasped out, your chest heaving up and down, "- don't look at me like that. i hate it." the tall man dropped gently to his knees, carefully taking off your shoes before sliding his hands against your ankles, leaving goosebumps in the wake of his touch, pushing your skirt over your knees as he did so. as your breathing became progressively more shallow, mike couldn't help but crack a lopsided, half-hearted, smile as he used the palm of his hands to part your thighs, muttering out a simple, one-worded, apology. "sorry." the scruff from his trimmed beard and mustache scraped against the inside of your thighs as he peppered kisses to the inside of your thigh. your fingers curled into his hair, pulling at it a bit as his light kisses turned into gentle sucking, leaving a trail of small bruises. your fingers pulled at his hair, causing him to groan a bit. you were growing impatient as he continued to suck at the skin. your fingers trailed along his shoulders, tapping impatiently as his index fingers hooked onto the sides of your underwear, sliding them down your thighs and setting them to the side. "you're taking forever." his large hands gripped at your ankles, pushing them upwards so that you

toppled over onto your back. you let out sound of surprise as your back landed on the stiff mattress with a bounce. mike shifted forward on his knees, still tall enough to loom over the edge of the bed as he gripped at your thighs, pulling them over his broad shoulders so that your knees hung over his shoulders. "sorry." it was another short response, accompanied by a simple smile. his tongue trailed from the inside of your thigh again, dragging his tongue across your slit slowly. you let out an airy sigh, lower lip quivering a bit as he slowly dragged his tongue along your slit again, agonizingly slow before flatting his tongue against your clitoris, giving it a small flick with his tongue. his hands gripped on the outside of your thighs, holding you down as your body writhed with each flick and lick of his tongue. mike couldn't help but hum slightly as your thighs clenched around his face, squeezing as your heartrate began to increase. back arching, you couldn't help but choke out - "i'm - i'm -" he retracted his tongue, pulling himself onto his feet so that he could stand over you. you frowned at mike, looking upwards at him with furrowed, frustrated, eyebrows. again, mike only offered you a somewhat cheeky smile as he pulled himself over you, knees resting by your hips. carefully, he peeled your shirt off, throwing tossing it to the side, and your skirt followed shortly after, leaving you bare undeath him. as mike's head dipped downwards, peering at you from underneath his long bangs, you reached your hand up to trace your fingertips gently along his jawline. for a second, mike closed his eyes and pressed his cheek into the palm of your hand. you brought your fingertips to the edge of his shirt, ready to pull it up over his head, but for a second, you could see his chest quiver just a bit, almost as though something had gotten caught in his throat. "are you okay?" concern washed over you as your fingers curled against the hem of his shirt. "i'm fine." mike answered, trying to convince himself of his own lie. his large hands came to grip at your chest, thumb rolling around your nipples gently - giving them a slight pinch as you hesitantly began to pull his shirt upwards. eventually, mike raised his hands over his head, pulling his shirt off when you couldn't reach your hands any higher. for a moment, you let your fingers trail along his abdomen, feeling the skin which was pulled tightly over his muscle. though as your fingers traced from his abs up to his shoulders, you could feel the tenseness in his neck. along with the years of physical exercise that came with being a part of the survey corps came years of stress. "i can help you with that" it was your turn to give him a cheeky smirk as his thumbs continued to lazily roll over your nipples. as your fingers began to work at the belt that was wound tightly around his waist, mike dipped his head down - taking your right nipple between his lips, rolling his tongue around it and tugging at it with his lips as you finally were able to work his belt off of mike's hips. you carelessly tossed the belt to the side, your breath shaky as he continued to suck at your nipple - his calloused hand now working its way between your thighs. very gently, he rolled his right thumb over your clitoris as he used his left hand to remove your fingers from the hem of his pants, pinning your wrists above your hand. mike had never been a man of many words during sex, instead preferring to lead softly and wordlessly. his fingers stroked slowly at your clitoris, sliding between your lips - his eye contact so intense and direct it couldn't help but make you feel embarrassed. as his thumb rolled around your clitoris, his middle and index finger - which were now drenched in the slick wetness that accumulated between your legs - mike simply soaked in the image of you sprawled out naked beneath him, gasping, moaning, and panting. slowly, mike pressed his first finger into you. your face contorted into an expression of pleasure as he slid his first finger into you, sliding his finger in

and out of you, curling it so that it could hit that sweet spot inside of you that he was very familiar with. "mike -" you rasped out as your legs began to quiver, teeth coming down to bite at your bottom lip. "mike -" you rasped out again. his eyes peered down at you, letting the sound of your voice rasping his name sink into his head. quietly, he observed the way our chest rose and fell, noticing the quiver of your bottom lip as a familiar pleasure began to pool at the pit of your stomach. "mike -" it was almost as though he knew you like the back of his own hand. "mike, i'm trying -" so well, in fact, it kind of scared him. "- to talk to you." "huh?" mike phased back into reality, squinting downwards at you as his fingers still pumped and curled tactfully inside of you.. "what is it?" "what's -" your back arched, your muscles aching a bit, "- what's your dream?" mike's fingers came to a slow stop, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion - leaving you panting and heaving below him. "what do you mean?" "what -" you rasped out, coming down from what was essentially a second (but unintentional), edging. "- what do you want most in life? like when you go to bed at night . . . what do you dream of?" the questioned seemed out of the blue. for a second, he thought about dismissing the question with something basic. oh you know, for humanity to survive. to make a better place for all of the people in the world. but something compelled him to speak openly and honestly. "in truth?" mike asked, his voice a low rumble in his chest. after a moment of thought, mike began to work his pants off of his hips, followed by his boxes as he pulled you forward by the hips. his hand gripped the base of his erect cock, sliding it along your slit teasingly. "a life with you." you had opened your mouth to say something, but he was already lining the head of his dick at your entrance, pushing in gently - his right hand guiding himself inside and his left hand stroking at the side of your face. "but not just sexually." mike spoke, gently pushing his hips forward. slowly and carefully, he began to push himself inside of you. your gasped and wriggled at the feeling of his large cock uncomfortably filling you, but it was welcome. mike had always been uncomfortably large, which had always made rough sex and the aftercare that came with it more tedious of a process. his left hand stroked at the side of your face. "in every sense of the form. i want to wake up in the morning and see your face next to mine." mike spoke as he continued to slowly rock himself into your pussy with small, manageable, trusts, trying to work himself comfortably in. "and i want to do things with you. i want to see things with you. like did you know that outside, apparently there is a body of water so big that you can't see land on the horizon?" mike continued to slowly work himself into you, almost hitting the hilt, "i want to take you there. i want to take our kids there -" he paused for a second as the hilt of his cock pressed into you, "- because most of all, i want to be a father to your kids. our kids" mike's hands gripped at your shoulders as he began to thrust slowly, steadying himself by gripping your shoulders. your nose and the corner of your lips twisted as his thrusts became harder and less shallow, pushing deeper inside of you. calloused hands gripped at your outer thighs, lifting them upwards as mike tried to angle himself into you better. "because i want you to be a mommy. and i want to be a daddy. how does that sound? is that okay?" "yes - yes - oh, yes!" you exclaimed as his hips thrust into yours, cock sliding in and out of you. "i want to be a mommy so bad. i want you to be a daddy so bad." something about the word daddy rolling from your lips was enticing and endearing. his hips shoveled forward, hand pressing against the headboard with each thrust. "again." his right hand moved from gripping your leg, which had curled tightly around him - bracing yourself with each thrust, and curled around your face. "say it again." "what -?" you breathed

out airily, chest heaving. "daddy?" "yes." mike's fingers gripped at your face, squeezing the sides of your face as you sputtered, pushing himself deeper. the sound of his cock sliding in and out of you mixing with the sound of skin slapping on skin. "again." "daddy -" you choked out again, repeating it over and over in little rasps and moans strangling out with each thrust. there was a familiar pleasurable warmth pooling in the pit of your stomach, knotting and threatening to break. your moans caught in your throat, mouth contorting into various small shapes as his thrusts became more frantic and sloppy, losing its initial precision as he became needier and more desperate. your eyelids fluttered, eyes rolling back a bit as the tension in the pit of your stomach broke, cum rimming his cock moments before he reached his own orgasm. for a moment, mike stilled himself - his muscles tensing as he came too. mike rolled over onto his back, his chest heaving as his eyes hazily focused on the ceiling above him. "i can't wait to get back so we can do that again." mike breathed out. "and again." you added. "and again." mike repeated, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and pulling you closer.

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

the sun hung high over your head, your hand resting on your stomach as the survey corps trailed into the city, one by one. there had been a bit of news circulating town. you hadn't paid much mind to the whispers. only reached yourself upwards on your toes trying to peer over the head of the people who were lined on the sides of the street. at the bottom of the only cart being pulled laid a young boy with bandages around his eyes. you didn't pay much mind to him. "mike -" you called out over the crowd, pushing yourself to the front of the crowd. you placed your hand on the small bump forming on your stomach, a grin on your face as you looked around - ready to share great news. "mike!" a few soldiers looked at you then turned their heads downwards, almost as though they were too ashamed to look at you. "zacharias!" you called his last name - wondering how a tall man could be hiding from you so easily. the short line of soldiers continued to descend down the street. you followed each passing soldier with your eyes, quickly skimming each one of them. a short man stopped in front of you. "oh, captain levi." you spoke, tilting your head downwards to look at him. "i didn't think i'd see you among the recruits -" you seemed unbothered by your inability to find mike. "you look as sharp as ever. i'm not surprised to see you coming back, though - what with you being humanity's strongest and all." you were starting to ramble again. "i was wondering - do you know when humanity's second strongest is joining? i don't see mike among the crowd. is he set to come back a little later?" levi's eyes locked with your own before sliding down to your stomach, honing in on the noticeable bump. his jaw tensed, teeth gritting together before he looked away - almost as though he were ashamed of himself. quietly, he began to stoop down onto one knee. "mike zacharias fought -"

" - get . . ." you choked out, hands resting on your stomach. ". . . get off your knees. stand up." levi did not, though, and instead focused his gaze on your shoes, his jawline tense with guilt and shame.

"- valiantly."

[youcouldmakealife]

YCMAL Superlatives Write-ins (Rd 4)

In which there are fighting words. And loving words. And pretty much everything in between.

Most elaborate pre-game routine:

Anton seems extremely superstitious. On the other hand David probably has an elaborate routine simply because Things Need to be Done the Right Way

based on nothing… sandro carmen

Playoff Willy. Does enforcing others people's smiling count?

Crane. Although only he knows what it is because no one who interrupts it survives.

Playoff Willy. It includes ritual intimidation of his teammates

I hold close to my heart the fact that Ulf is very superstitious.

Bryce. Or David. Honestly, anyone neurodivergent.

James seems like a ‘must do everything exactly the same way every time to keep in control’ kind of guy.

Crane (or maybe playoff Willy if routine is glaring your teammates into submission)

Sebastian Boucher’s dramatic ass

Joey. That boy is *particular* about his routines.

Craney, obvs. Fucking goalies

I feel like there's a canonical answer but I also know in my heart that it's Willy. I mean look at him

David. And it must be done exactly the same way. And don't you dare call him superstitious.

Tate Williams seems like the kind of guy who would be upset if the jam for his pre-game pb&j was the wrong brand. Also Troy, for whom only Nolan's stick taping will do.!

Conny. Big anxious boy has got to have 15 things he does in the exact order or else nothing's gonna go well

What’s a routine?

Jake. Probably does athletic stuff he’s supposed to do but spends the whole time chatting with the boys.

is it cheating to say owen?

Kiro, he is pure chaos

Liam. Organization and routines don't seem like a strength of his.

Mike - can all you crazy fuckers shut the fuck up

Playoff Willy, if it's not hockey it's a distraction, stop it.

Is it bad that I can sort of picture Gally having to ask this?

maybe Chaz Rossi? he seems chill

Scratch seems like he wakes up and forgets it’s game day

Liam (doesn't have a routine AND will mess with yours)

Jared (he's obviously above it!)

I looked into the void and the void said Derek

Liam will claim not to have one. In reality his routine is annoying his teammates

Trigger. Because he is already terrifyingly in the zone.

Stephen, just off the vibes. He’s too sensible for superstition, GABRIEL

Oleg, he's got little kids so must be at peace with chaos

Liam. He doesn't have the attention span to have one.

I feel like Luke Morris would be the type of guy to just. show up places. with no prep

Sebastian tried-to-leave-without-his-passport Boucher

Dima, unless by “routine” you mean needling a different teammate before each game but mostly his lineys

Ulf —way too self composed for such nonsense

Best babysitter for their teammates' kids:

There are two very vocal schools of thought on this. But first, the outliers:

David (though he doesn’t think so) and Vinny (who DOES think so)

Jake!!! You know there's a "Jake Lourdes holding babies" Twitter someone made in-verse

David, but only if you're Oleg

Jake. Responsible, fun, authoritative but in a relaxed way. Has mysterious helper on the line for tense situations.

Gerard Leon, canonically

Accidental co-parenting player?

Then the OG:

Vinny the dinosaur, hands down.

Vinny. Not even close. Adam and David are sleeper hits.

Vinny. Best dinosaur noises.Vinny. 

It's 100% vinny. I'd let him babysit my kid

If you chose anyone other than Vinny you are categorically incorrect AND you should feel bad

And the earnest upstart:

Bryce - trying to convince Jared they need to have enough for their own personal team

There should only be one answer and that's Bryce Marcus: the Kurmazovs' fave free babysitter and future father of four hobgoblins

Bryce-would he give soda at 9pm yes, will he stay up till 2 in the morning running around screaming with the kids? Also, yes.

Bryce. An always willing babysitter is absolutely priceless. And Jared can bail him out if in a bind, albeit long-sufferingly.

And the rosé of the Wine Wars:

Vinny, but Bryce might be slightly harder to bully into bad decisions right? Which is embarrassing for Vinny cause Bryce is SOFT

Not allowed to babysit their teammates' kids:

More mixed results on this one! For various (very good) reasons.

Derek. Just no. Disaster. Someone will come back without an eyebrow.

Seb seems like a menace, he will just buy them everything

Kiro, although not because the kids don't love him. The parents will suffer the consequences for YEARS

Liam. He knows what he did.

i don't think anyone has ever even considered letting Shithead within 3 feet of their child

David if they aren’t Oleg’s kids.

Julius (he's fine with this)

Robbie the masshole (I'm one too, i know how often we swear)

I feel sebastien would encourage shenanigans

I honestly feel guilty putting anyone - I think pretty much all of them would rise to the occasion if necessary

...... Morgan Fraser

Gally. (Joke answer: Darryl because he can't even babysit his kid teammates. jk Darryl ilu)

Dima (does he have kids? i am afraid)

I mean Roman. You basically wrote that story already 

 LIAM (responsibility whomst?)

Gally (teammates come back, the house is on fire)

Please do not let Shithead corrupt children

Jared. He’d let them die.

Also a clear frontrunner here:

ScratchMoney, Scratch if I have to pick one, he'd totally give the kids a sugar high than hand them back.

I’m finding it hard to trust ScratchnMoney with a dog, let alone a human child

ScratchnMoney. The tweedles need a babysitter for themselves.

ScratchNMoney. Wait until the WAGs hear they got a dog.

I feel like Scratch would just give them loads of sugar while Money tries to be responsible and fails. they let the kids watch star wars and then give them lightsabers to "let the energy out" they don't know how things went wrong

ScratchMoney-kids whacked on sugar, them asleep on couch

Character you would absolutely loathe if you knew them IRL:

whoever chirped vinny about being a virgin, what an asshole

Had Jared and I been in the same high school class I would have killed him

Jared because I have his personality

I am ashamed to admit. Liam. We're too similar. He'd be taking peoples attention away from me and Id hate that

Robbie (sorry girl ily)

Much like David and Jake, I kind of want to punch Sebastien Boucher in the face

I was gonna say Nikita but tbh… Luke lol

Jared. I'm sorry, I love him, but he would make me so furious irl. I'm no Bryce.

Stephen. I am not afraid to headbutt him directly in the mouth when he’s mean to me.

Anton. Too grumpy. I’m grumpy enough.

Robbie tbh. I love him but the misogyny does not hit

George ”Cheating Cheater Who Cheats” Dineen

Fitzgerald (so so talky so so energy)

Deslauriers- I will absolutely throw hands with a homophobic geriatric

As much as I adore him in AIT, RL Robbie would make me homicidal.

Harry, bristly boys are not appreciated

For ‘ancillary character’ reasons he will not be making the Final Four, but clearly there is a consensus for numero uno hated:

taylor fucking benson

Benson (somebody pass me a sledgehammer I'm going to deprive him of his kneecaps)

Benson, but also Playoff Willy (and ONLY Playoff Willy not normal Willy)

Fuckin Benson

Character you'd want to be buds with if you knew them IRL:

Jared is currently in top four in the loathed and buds category, which deserves MASSIVE kudos, I think. Congratulations you snarky little hobgoblin. 

Gabriel my beloved come make latkes with me

Jared (would he want to be friends with me though? Probably not)

Can I have Kiro, Victor, and all your most psychotic goalies? Okay it's possible I want a gang, not a bud.

ELLIOTT MATTHEWS I WOULD LOVE HIM WITH MY WHOLE MIGHT I WOULD NEVER EVER EVER CALL HIM NEEDY EVER EVER (GLARE AT ONE PARTICULAR ROBBIE LOMBARDI)

Milan, we can be salty Penguins fans together

Julius Halla! a snarky introvert whose musical taste encompasses death metal and pop???? be still my beating heart

If Roman handed me a homemade button, I'd keep it literally forever

Stephen. Me and my friends are bitchy and sarcastic together - he'd fit right in and I want an invite to wine night

Jared. He’s not an idiot, knows the value of shared silence, and we could talk shit about everyone together.

I will be Marc Lapointe's new best friend and I will brook no arguments, because dibs doesn't count (Dan) and Ulf can catch these hands

Kiro and Emily. I refuse to choose between them, they belong together.

Marc. Pamphlet buddies, social justice warriors, emotional support providers in our spare time.

Owen, emily, Elaine, JESSICA… honestly any of the non-hockey players

Vinny. I need sunshine in my life.

Liam (I love him and will hear nothing against him)

Jared. Snarky judgy hobgoblins unite!

Marc! I too love pamphlets

Jared. Silence and Snide is all I require

I would admire Kiro from afar with longing (but he's way too cool for me)

Jared, come sit by me and bitch about everything

Bryce (loves Pooh Bear, very sweet, what else is needed)

Vinny is already my best friend and I love him

Best Dressed:

Also two distinct camps, and now I am trying to decide if Bryce and Seb would hit it off terrifyingly at an All-Star Game, or if he’d join David and Jake in the Loathing Seb Boucher Club. I’m truly unsure. (Not about Jared though, Jared would hate him)

Dave if you believe in subtlety. Seb if you're uncertain what it means.

Bryce thinks it's him but I am not sure

If Seb isn't, he'll go fix that right now

BRYCE. THIS IS NOT A DEBATE

Bryce (or David if you like the immaculate-robot type)

At first I thought Stephen, maybe Andreas, but then I remembered Bryce Freaking Marcus

I feel like Marc has the same perfect $5 hairstyle as Hank Lundqvist so I'm going for Marc

NOT SEBASTIEN BOUCHER ANYONE BUT HIM

Ah. I do not want to say Bryce, because I bet he would be elegant but boring. I feel like Holden would crack the NHL Style Power Rankings with some obnoxious but smart fits

Bryce (Jared, don't look at the receipts)

Bryce, or Jared if Bryce dressed him that day

Elaine (thanks to my sweet Bryce.)

Jessica as gritty😉

Most expensive is Seb. Actual quality is like, Marc, maybe?

Sebastien! I can't remember if he has a stylist, but he's absolutely the type to have a stylist, even though Simon would be convinced said stylist only enables him.

Bryce or Seb. Canadians who like to spend their hard earned money

Chaz Rossi (i feel like he's got his shit together)

Sebastian "I unironically own $4000 Ferragamo loafers" Boucher

Worst Dressed:

... also Sebastian "I unironically own $4000 Ferragamo loafers" Boucher

Dan. I feel like he might end up in dad jeans too young.

In my heart of heart I believe that Liam has no taste in clothing

Shithead, he thought the gold shirt was a smart decision.

Too many candidates. I will say Benson because he doesn't have the personality to make up for it.

I'm not convinced Luke gives a shit how he dresses.

David (not 'bad', per se, more like boring)

maybe Luke? for some reason i imagine his non-hockey wardrobe pretty much exclusively containing plaid, cargo pants, and Nickelback shirts

I feel like Scratch doesn’t match his socks

Derek Carruthers is responsible for the Single Worst Outfit—there is power in the absence of shame—but day to day it’s gotta be Benson (derogatory)

Anton. If he were modern he'd call it "drip" and it would not be drip.

I think many would fall under the category of ‘just doing bare dress-code minimum’, but I feel Seb would go so far the other way and tip over the stylish edge into ‘the fuck is he wearing?’ category.

Any of them from ~17 through ~21

Jared seems like we wore cargo shorts before Bryce got his hands on him 

Every single hockey player, c'mon

Is it Derek and Andy time yet?

Jared if he dresses himself

Mike “Genuinely Does Not Give a Rat’s Ass” Brouwer

Dan, particularly once the kids were born.

I have a feeling Dima proudly rocks some very unfortunate outfits

Any of the Russians. As a European I've already seen enough irl.

Most helpful copilot on a road trip:

DAN sweet sweet forgotten saint of a child

Tonya Petrov, accept no substitutes

Why is it none of them

Grace! excellent navigator, also a pretty good DJ

Jake. He’d make you feel better about getting lost.

Roman—a certified Useful Man, not too angry, not too silent

David (can't drive, so won't criticise your driving; will research how to get where you're and will be able to guide you

I'm gonna go against the grain and say Liam. You wouldn't get bored for sure

Willy has got that shit locked and loaded

I trust Sven Olsen with my life and we'd just chill and watch the miles roll by, maybe listen to a podcast

Marc (If by helpful you mean bossy)

Kiro (the stories this man can tell!)

Dan Riley seems like an all-around standup guy and good egg. And I bet he has a sense of direction.

Mike- navigator expert, Liam-Conversation

Pierre Marc “I have researched every possible destination so I can tell you about them” Lapointe

Ben Morris! a good bean

Okay, his DJ skills may be suspect, but Jake had got to be hands down the best road companion.

Jared (organized. would research the route. terrible conversation but would be committed to keeping the driver awake)

Steve Peters! My man exudes responsibility (DONT HIT THE DRIVER JARED)

Once again, a consensus has seemingly been reached:

Gabe. Smart and patient.

Gabe, steady and reliable

Gabe. Although I think he could just be Most Helpful full stop

Gabe would figure everything out and provide good conversation as needed

Gabe (knows how to read a map, is sensible and doesn't complain every 5 minutes)

Gabe. Good, always competent Gabe. Not too chatty, not too silent, not an idiot, and probably does not have deplorable taste in music.

Gabe, planned out routes (you know he's got back ups if there's traffic) will be quiet if I need it, or chat, easygoing

Gabe. Chill, smart, good conversationalist, and part of the 'more than one braincell' club.

Gabe (because of the braincell)

Gabe, the good son, who will be prepared with GPS, snacks, and an un-obnoxious playlist.

Although several guys could fit those individual roles, Gabe probably has the best all-around combined score

Most useless copilot on a road trip:

Holden Chase. Murdered by the driver before they got anywhere.

scratchnmoney could get lost in a paper bag

Harry would guide you the wrong way on purpose, turn up the volume if you wanted to talk and once you're enjoying the music he would speak over it

Derek, I have no reason but just gut feeling

Scratchnmoney (just bc i feel like i can't write liam fitzgerald for everything)

Liam. He doesn't know how to entertain himself without messing with other peoples' heads and/or lives (phone sex with Mike doesn't count)

Scratch: "are we there yet?" "can we stop for candy?"

Julien, I don't speak French or Poet

Robbie Lombardi, world's most annoying backseat driver

Evan Connelly is nervous and only wants to agree with you—no helpful decisions will be made

Liam. I would literally kill him.

Charlie as a child seems like a terrible travel buddy

Liam, I'd throttle him if I was stuck in a car with him for hours! And not in a sexy way.......

Derek Carruthers wins a lot of these most useless categories

Harry Chalmers would be a PAIN

Scratchnmoney (why are they so frequently the worst at the more practical things?)

I would say Joey and Scratch except they would be entertaining which is very important in a road trip. Anton, because he's either missing Vinny, being mad if Vinny's attention is being taken up by the driver and not him, or he and Vinny are the only ones going on the road trip and therefore he's driving.

Liam, he'd never shut up, get distracted by his terrible playlist and forget to navigate, and eat all the snacks.

How do I not know which of your characters falls asleep as soon a they're in a moving vehicle? Charlie?

David, what use is a copilot if they can't even drive`?

Liam, either singing along badly or asleep

And so beautifully terrible that he leapfrogs a bunch of main characters:

Julius. Will sit in shotgun, headphones on, and play phone games. You want conversation? Screw you. You want a dj? He's not listening to your music. You get lost? Lmaoooo

Julius would tell you that your phone has gps and ignore you the rest of the time

Julius Halla- my boy has limited English, a hobgoblin attitude, and a preference for Finnish death metal; 0/10, would not roadtrip again

Julius, canonically

Julius (doesn't know how to get where you're going, will only talk to you to criticise your driving anyway, will want to listen to Finnish death metal)

[lovemesomesurveys]

How do you feel about full length beards? I’m not into a lot of facial hair. I like some scruff, but that’s it. Have you ever been to a circus? Yeah, once. I was naive and didn’t know about the abuse that went on at the time. Do you know anyone who’s gone to a Fat Camp? No. Do you use Facebook IM everyday? No. I don’t even remember the last time I used it. How many surveys have you done already today? This is my first.

What’s the WORST show on Adult Swim? I don’t care for the Adult Swim shows. Family Guy and American Dad is okay, but after that it gets too stupid and weird for me. Sorry. Like once I saw this show, Mr. Pickles, and uh... wtf. The episode I saw was very disturbing. I don’t get the appeal of Rick and Morty at all. And why the hell is Mike Tyson Mysteries a thing? That’s just to name a few. I see previews of other shows and I just... wow. Do you have any relatives that have shunned you, or vice versa? No. Has anyone ever posted a HORRIBLE picture of you for everyone to see? Not maliciously or because they thought it was horrible and wanted to embarrass me, but yeah. My mom has posted photos where she didn’t see anything wrong and she thinks I looked fine, but I was like EW NO take that down it’s hideous. I reallyyyy don’t like photos of me taken by someone else. I have to take my own photos if I’m going to take one at all because I know the angles and lighting and can add a filter. Plus, I can take a ton before finally settling on one. If someone else takes the photo and they want to post it, I have to approve. Which grade in school was the most fun for you? I enjoyed elementary and middle school. High school had its ups and downs, but there were parts I liked. I liked the last 2 years the best. Which would you rather have, a new puppy or kitten? I wouldn’t want another pet right now to be honest. We have our doggo and one suits our family best right now. Does drama seem to follow you everywhere you go? No, thankfully. I have other issues I struggle with, but not drama. Do you ever just want to go away to a new place where no one knows you? I don’t live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and I was never Miss Popularity, so apart from family and a few other people, not a lot of people know me. However, I do want move away to a new place. My family and I have wanted to for a long time, we just haven’t been able to. A change of environment and scenery would be really nice. You’re ordering a pizza, you can have any kind of toppings, what are they? I’m a simple gal, I just like white sauce, feta and ricotta cheese, garlic, spinach, and crumbled meatballs with pesto drizzled on top. Do you hit ‘quiet’ or ‘ignore’ on your cell? Which one usually? Nah. If my phone rings and I don’t want to answer it, I just let it ring. Do you ever regret giving your number to people? I have before with some people. Have you ever been told that you’re afraid of your own shadow? Haha yeah. Have you ever tried Gouda cheese? Nope. Does/did your high school have pop machines? No. They decided to remove them the year I entered high school, which I was mad about. Do you use a public computer, or do you have your own? I have my own laptop. Do you ever find it odd how you type LOL when you’re not really laughing? >> No, because I understand that its function has moved far beyond representing actual laughing-out-loud. <<< Yeah. I remember discussing that in a class once. Have you ever gambled? A couple times. Not my thing. Although, what really made my experience unenjoyable wasn’t so much the gambling, it was that the casinos I’ve been to allow smoking and I don’t do well with cigarette smoke. At all. It gives me a killer headache, makes my heart rate go up, and makes me feel dizzy and sick. It’s awful. The smell in the casinos was too overbearing for me, so I spent very little time inside. Do you know anyone who’s won the lottery? No. If you could work at any retail store, which one would it be? I really don’t want to work retail. And that’s not shade toward retail workers AT ALL. I salute you, honestly. You deal with a lot of shit. What’s the shortest you would ever cut your hair? I had a “bob” for a few years. Do you listen to any deathcore? No. Do you subscribe to any teen magazines? Which ones? No. I’m also 30 years old. Do you know someone who never smiles? Never? No. Has anyone ever made you feel uncomfortable at work? I’ve never had a job. Do you still watch South Park? I never did. I mean, I’ve seen bits here and there before because my brother used to watch it, but I was never into it myself. Tell me one movie you’ve seen recently that sucked: My mom, brother, and I recently watched this movie on Netflix called, The Platform. It had potential and was interesting at first, but the ending was just... no. It seemed abrupt and I was just really confused. Have you ever carved something into a dinner booth somewhere? No. When’s the last time you were carded at a bar? When I last went to the bar, which was almost 10 years ago. Do you smoke little cigars? Have you ever tried them? Nooo. You’re babysitting, what do you expect per hour for pay? Pfft, no I’m not babysitting. What’s the last thing you returned at a store? I very rarely return things so I have no idea. It’s been a long time. What’s the name of the last cat you pet? I don’t even recall the last time I petted a cat. Do you still look at clouds and make shapes of them? I haven’t in a long time. If you had to dye your hair for one year, what color would you pick? I already do, I dye it red. Who’s got your heart? Me. What’s your television addiction? I have several shows that I’m into. Have you ever stringed green beans before? No. What do you do to make yourself more relaxed when you’re nervous? It’s hard to calm myself when I’m anxious, but I try to distract by talking to someone, listening to ASMR, watching TV or something on YouTube, or reading.  Do you cook? If so, what’s the last thing you made? The only thing I cook is ramen. Oh wait actually I made a grilled cheese sandwich the other day. ha.  Have you ever had any painful dental work done? If so, what? Yeah, a few things. How do you usually spend your Saturdays? I spend all my days and nights the same, really. Do you make your own jewelry or clothing? Last year I briefly got into making beaded bracelets. I made a few. What’s your favorite thing to do when you’re bored? I do the same things everyday whether I’m bored or not: spend time on my social medias, watch YouTube, read, watch TV, scroll through Tumblr, do surveys, just lie there.... ha. Somedays just feel like they’re dragging and going by extra slow and the things I listed above that I like doing just don’t cut it so I just lie there mindlessly watching TV or go to sleep. Do you use drawing to describe what you’re feeling? No. Do you like the smell of new school supplies? As a kid I did. Like getting a new box of crayons. Do you give everything you do 100%? No. I certainly haven’t with life... Do you shop at any independent music stores? No. I don’t shop at any music stores. How do you feel about mainstream music? I like a lot of it.

What song lyrics describe your mood at the moment? *shrug* Do you have healthy eating habits? No. My eating habits are messed up. I have issues with appetite and other issues.

If you could transform into any kind of animal, what animal would you be? A dog. Are you superstitious? If so, what are you superstitious about? I do the knock on wood thing, but it’s just out of habit, really. If you could travel anywhere in the world where would it be? There’s so many places I’d like to visit. What food disgusts you the most? I don’t do seafood at all. What is your favorite thing to cook? Ramen. One place you would never want to get lost in in the dark? I wouldn’t want to get lost anywhere in the dark. :O Are you claustrophobic? Yes. What is your worst flaw? Oh where to start. One thing that always creeps you out? ALL bugs. What is your biggest fear? Losing loved ones, death, never getting better/getting worse, never doing anything with my life and just wasting away... If you could be reincarnated, would you come back as another human or an animal? If an animal, what kind? I don’t believe in reincarnation. Ideal way you’d like to die? Obviously painlessly, but jeez. If you could be roommates with anyone of your choice, who would you pick? I like living with my family. What is the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard? Uh, a lot of things. Your favorite kind of dog? I love doggos, but I definitely have a special thing for Labs and German Shepherds. Do you have any scars? If so, how many? I have a lot of scars. I’m not going to count them. What is your favorite scary movie to watch in the dark? I don’t watch them in the dark. Unless I’m at the theater, obviously. I love scary movies, though. Would you rather be buried or cremated when you die? Cremated. What is your favorite thing to drink? Alcoholic and non alcoholic? Coffee and Starbucks Doubleshot energy drinks. That’s also coffee, but you know what I mean. I don’t have a favorite alcoholic drink, I don’t drink. What is your favorite food around the holidays? I love either ham or turkey depending on the holiday and mashed potatoes with gravy, stuffing, and rolls. Easiest way to scare you? I’m such a jumpy, easily scarable (it’s a word, shh) person so you could really just say hi and I’ll jump. haha. Like my back faces my bedroom door and if I don’t hear anyone coming in or they just poke their head in to say something I’ll jump. lmao. Tell me one of your biggest secrets? Nah. What was your last nightmare about? It’s been awhile since I’ve had one, thankfully.

[mst3kproject]

Daughter of Dr. Jekyll

John Agar’s in this.  So, for that matter, is Gloria Talbott from Girls Town and The Leech Woman, and it was directed by Edgar G. Ulmer, who brought us The Amazing Transparent Man.  It was released on a double-bill with The Cyclops, which I’ve already reviewed, and while all that seems to promise us an utter crapfest, the premise at least sounded intriguing.  Then I actually pressed play, and was greeted by an opening consisting of gray fog, theremin music, and a bored narrator.  Oh, yeah.  This is gonna suck.

Said opening narration very (and I mean very) quickly introduces us to the tale of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, in which a distinguished scientist used a strange potion to turn himself into a werewolf!  Wait… that’s not what happened in Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde at all.  Wasn’t it a story about how every person has the capacity for evil and that’s part of what makes us human, and… aw, fuck it, this is a John Agar movie.  Okay, sure, a werewolf.  Whatever you say, Portentous 50’s Narrator.  Moving on.

Janet Smith and her fiancé George Hastings arrive at her family’s palatial home, which she will inherit on her upcoming twenty-first birthday.  That’s not all that’s come down the family line, though.  Janet’s last name is not Smith, but Jekyll, and she was born after his experiments in lycanthropy had begun.  Might she pass it on to her children?  Or might Janet herself not be affected?  Or is her father’s old friend Dr. Lomas an evil hypnotist using her for his own ends?  Wait… what?

After sitting through crap like The Incredible Petrified World and Creatures from the Abyss, I kind of want to give extra points to Daughter of Dr. Jekyll.  It’s actually fairly well-constructed for the most part, it’s rarely boring, and the sets representing the Jekyll family estate are very nice.  There’s a plot I can follow, I know who the characters are, and so forth… my standards have dropped so low, that’s actually kind of impressive.  The creepy delivery guy who hangs around whittling stakes and sowing discontent is pretty effective, himself, even though he’s a very one-dimensional character.

There’s still plenty of badness to be had, of course. The movie appears to be set in the first decade of the twentieth century, but it’s not very committed to that. The sound is frequently weird, from the absolute cacophony of frogs at the opening to musical cues that I swear were stolen from Robot Monster.  There’s a random cameo from a very 50’s pin-up girl who appears, gets killed, and vanishes without us ever even learning her name.  The climactic fight between George and the werewolf is extremely shatnery and the werewolf makeup is even lamer than in Werewolf in a Girl’s Dormitory.

Even worse, there’s an entire subplot that kind of doesn’t even bother happening.  Most movies that are going to involve angry villagers have some scenes in a local pub or something to show the rabble being roused – even The Giant Spider Invasion had that.  In Daughter of Dr. Jekyll we hear about angry villagers from a couple of different people but never actually see them until the pitchfork-toting crowd appears out of nowhere at the end.  It’s like an angry flash mob.  All we needed was a few thirty-second scenes, but I guess this movie couldn’t afford villagers.  The whole climax is obscured by fog that makes it very hard to tell who’s who and what’s going on.

As usual, we’re confused about who our main character is supposed to be.  The person whose eyes we see the story through is Janet.  It’s Janet whose arc we follow, and Janet who we learn the most about, but she’s a very frustrating character because she is entirely without agency.  The only choice she appears to make in the entire film is agreeing to marry George, before this story begins.  Otherwise, she’s letting him or Lomas tell her what to do, completely incapable of making her own decisions (she even says as much, when George asks her if she’d like to go to London and elope).  When the action occurs, she’s drugged with sleeping pills or in Lomas’ hypnotic thrall.

Even the very premise strips Janet of control over her own fate.  She is not the heir to a scientific legacy (as other descendants of Henry Jekyll in other movies have been) but to a genetic one.  Tanya in Lady Frankenstein chose to continue and improve on her father’s work.  She might not have.  Janet, on the other hand, cannot opt out of the family’s potentially tainted DNA. This lack of control is reinforced through smaller events as well: George won’t let Janet change her mind about marrying him, and when the young couple tells Lomas they don’t want his money or estate, he reveals that both were actually Janet’s the whole time.  Like Eddie in The Beatniks, Janet is basically a victim even when good things are happening – they always happen to her rather than because of her.

The character who actually tries to take control of the situation, and who I think we’re supposed to see as the ‘hero’, is George – but we know nothing about George.  He loves Janet and he has terrible fashion sense, and that’s really it. It’s her family we learn about, and her mental disintegration that follows.  George spends most of the movie just hovering on the sidelines watching, and even at the end he doesn’t do very much.  He explains what’s really going on to Janet and the audience (though we’ve already figured it out) and gets his ass kicked by a geriatric werewolf.  The monster is actually killed by the mob of villagers, while George just stands there with Janet sobbing into his shirt.  The movie probably wouldn’t have been much different without him.

The thing that really takes the viewer out of the movie, however, and does so repeatedly for its entire seventy-minute running time, is that it can’t make up its mind what its monster is supposed to be. I already mentioned the narrator’s conviction that Mr. Hyde was a werewolf, but it gets way weirder and more confusing than that.

The servants at the Jekyll house also talk about werewolves, and tell Janet and George in threatening voices that they know how to deal with such creatures.  On the other hand, when Dr. Lomas himself tells them what happened, he tells the story we’re familiar with: Dr. Jekyll wanted to separate the good and evil parts of a person, and ended up giving the evil in himself a free agency of its own.  This made me think maybe the servants were just a bunch of superstitious peasants? Maybe they called Mr. Hyde a werewolf because they didn’t know what else to call him?  That almost started to make sense… but then George picks up a book about werewolves, and in its pages he reads that a werewolf leaves its tomb on the night of the full moon so it can drink blood, and can only be killed by a wooden stake through the heart.

Wait.  What?

That… that’s not werewolves!  Werewolves are killed by silver bullets!  Stakes through the heart are vampires!  Werewolves don’t have tombs!  What is going on here?

By the time the climax rolls around, we’ve already figured out Dr. Lomas’ evil plan, and sure enough, it turns out he’s hypnotizing Janet into believing she’s a werewolf so she will commit suicide and he can have her family’s money.   That makes sense in a Scooby-Doo kind of way, I guess, and I can accept it for the sake of the movie… but then he actually turns into a werewolf and goes out to suck blood!  What?  What?  How did that happen?  Was he playing with Jekyll’s formula?  But Jekyll turned into Hyde when he took the drug, not at the full moon!  What the fuck?

The movie never explains itself.  We’re just supposed to take this bizarre conflation for granted.  But vampires, werewolves, and Mr. Hyde are three totally different types of monster! Vampires are undead corpses who avoid decay and death by sucking blood.  Werewolves are living people who transform under the full moon and kill out of animalistic rage.  Mr. Hyde was Dr. Jekyll’s repressed evil side given form.  You could probably argue that all three have the same root, in our need to conform to certain standards in order to make society work, but Daughter of Dr. Jekyll doesn’t try to do that.  It just mixes and matches story bits at all, combining conflicting mythologies and leaving very visible seams.  In fact, we may as well consider this a Frankenstein movie, too!

I can only imagine the fun Mike and the Bots would have had with this confusion.  I’m picturing a game show in which they must match the weapon with the monster, and if they lose, they get eaten.  Tom would have figured out that you survive by picking what ought to be the wrong answer.  Crow would not.

The opening narration of Daughter of Dr. Jekyll notes that Robert Louis Stephenson’s book is a classic, and it is so for good reason.  It’s an exploration of the evil within us all, the intrusive thoughts and secret desires we would rather attribute to an alter ego than ever admit to anyone, and the fact that the sinner is as much a part of each of us as the saint.  Daughter of Dr. Jekyll throws all that out the window by equating its villain with a vampire/werewolf, making him a sort of mindless monster. It’s confusing and annoying, and its compelling source material deserved far better.  

[kariachi]

Levinstar wedding planning fic! Which I have spent the last like, six hours on.

Love it or perish.

~~

He’d never expected Mike to propose. Why should he have? Someone like Gwen, yes, eventually they were going to legally latch themselves onto somebody, but Mike? He’d never seemed the type. He had been, as far as Kevin could tell, perfectly happy to be in a position where getting tired of the way things were wouldn’t mean dragging in lawyers or anything to change course. And Kevin had been fine with that. If he hadn’t then he wouldn’t have bothered keeping up the relationship. It was cool.

But he had.

Which had been so fucking confusing.

Literally Mike’d sat there for ten minutes getting more and more aggravated at not getting an answer while Kevin had been shifting his worldview enough to acknowledge the question.

Really, they were probably the only couple in Bellwood who could get into a yelling match over a welcomed marriage proposal.

It should’ve been considered a sign.

~~

“Mike, babe, what the fuck?”

There was not a square inch of flat surface free in the Morningstar livingroom that wasn’t floor. Everywhere was calendars and books and papers and a stack of pizza boxes Kevin was very tempted to set on fire just to make a point. Domino’s, really, as if he couldn’t make him better asleep and half-dead.

“I’m trying to figure out a date for the wedding.” Mike didn’t even bother to look up, instead glowering at a list of dates like it had personally offended him. Kevin just shook his head, leaning over the back of the couch and draping his arms over his shoulders.

“Without me?”

“I was going to give you final pick when I find the best days.”

“Of course you were.” Rolling his eyes, Kevin plopped his chin onto Mike’s hair and began scanning the list. It looked to be covering the next few years, for all that there weren’t that many dates on it. “Just how long were you intending us to stay engaged, by the way?” Mike shrugged.

“I’d prefer to the married within the year, but the Miramonte is more heavily booked than I’d like for the next few. We could probably get Ocean Bleu though, which isn’t quite what I’d like but your mother’s family could get there easier. Or there’s the Cedar Lakes Estate, but that’s so… rustic.” That last word was said in about the same tone Gwen had used when she found out they were dating in the first place. This did not stop Kevin from glancing at the relevant booklets Mike gestured to and crinkling his nose.

“You realize we could just have the whole thing at Kay’s place, or at the farmhouse.” Mike turned to him with a look like he’d suggested getting married in a sewer, which he might out of spite.

“I am not getting married on a farm.”

“Why not? They’re perfectly good farms, pretty, got plenty of space, and we don’t need to worry about when venues will be available.”

“I am worth 237 million dollars,” Mike said haughtily, “you’re worth the cost of a small planet, we are not getting married on a farm. What next, do you want a cow to officiate?” Kevin punched him in the shoulder. “We’re getting married in all the finery you deserve.”

For a brief, shining moment Kevin wasn’t aggravated. What he deserved, specifically. He loved these instances where Mike’s attitude, all pride and vanity and narcissism, slipped just enough to show how he held him in high regard as well. It was sweet. It was romantic. It did not mean he was giving in.

“Consider- I don’t want chandeliers and crystal and shit. It’s a waste of money for what’s gonna take up a weekend at best.” Mike leaned forward and turned to face him.

“Consider- suck it up, you’re getting it anyway.”

“No.”

“Yes.” Kevin glowered at Mike. Mike glowered right back. Neither backed down. Really, fancy venues, they didn’t even know enough people to fill one of these venues, and it’d probably be a bitch to get the catering crews to do the amount of food they’d need.

“Look, we’ll get married at one of the mansions-”

“No, then people will think we couldn’t rent a place.” Oh good fuck. Biting back a growl, Kevin took a deep breathe and turned his attention back to the list of dates. That couldn’t be nearly as aggravating as this. It couldn’t.

“Why isn’t the Winter Solstice on there,” he asked, “that’s a good day for weddings.” It was the day for weddings, among Osmosians. Still, Mike shook his head.

“We celebrate your birthday on the solstice, whether it is or not-” Another Osmosian thing “-and it’s bad luck to get married on your birthday.” Kevin blinked.

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Okaaay,” he took a deep breath, “and since when were you the superstitious sort?”

“Since now.”

There just, there were no words.

~~

In the end they settled on a Wednesday in August, which Mike swore backwards and forth was the best possible combination. More specifically one a few years in the coming.

Kevin had a grim suspicion that they’d need the time.

~~

“I’m sorry, let me rephrase, we will not, under any circumstances, be having a potluck wedding reception.” He was impossible, Kevin swore it.

“And why not?”

“It isn’t done.”

“It is by my family.”

“Your family can’t afford catering, or else it wouldn’t be.” Which wasn’t entirely wrong, but he would eat his own tongue before he admitted it.

“You don’t even like other people’s food,” he replied instead. “You can’t even taste it most of the time, half the pack has adjusted their recipes for you!” Mike just kept that easy ‘I’m right and you aren’t smart enough to know it’ look he got from time to time up on his face.

“So we’ll take that into account when we choose our caterer,” he said. “Maybe Indian food or something.

“Why though, when we can just as easily get family and friends to handle the whole thing, and not have to pay out the ass?” Heaving a sigh, Mike looked up at the kitchen ceiling like Kevin was the one being unreasonable.

“Because we can pay for someone else to do it and not have to worry ourselves and our guests. Plus, the food will look better.” It would’ve been very easy for Kevin to argue that nothing looked as good as Casey’s mutton ribs, except maybe the man across from him, but he didn’t. There were more important factors.

“And what about diet shit?” That got Mike to stop, gently setting his spoon back in his bowl. “Argit, Ken, and Pierce can’t have chocolate, Ben can’t be in the same room as peanuts, I can’t have anything that’s been in contact with strawberry and neither can a decent number of my relatives. If family’s doing the cooking I know I don’t have to worry about any of that, but all it takes is one person with only half a brain cell to fuck that up with outsiders.”

Mike went quiet, lips sinking into a frown and brow furrowing like maybe, just maybe, Kevin had a point. It was guaranteed the very thought would have him sulking until dessert. He closed his eyes and took, then released, a deep breath.

“I’d still rather get catering,” he said, quietly, “but if it would make you happy, then we’ll see about getting somebody we can pay enough to not pitch a fit if your family brings in food too.” Victory. A small victory, but still. Grinning like the Cheshire Cat, Kevin leaned over the table to plant a quick kiss on the corner of his mouth.

“Thanks, babe. Sounds like a plan.”

~~

They had three more arguments about venues before finally settling on one. Mike wanted elegant and upscale, someplace people would talk about. Kevin wanted homey and down-to-earth (and preferably cheap). In the end they’d settled on a middle ground, moving the wedding out of the county and to the Morningstar’s household in Italy.

Apparently, upon bringing his new wife and son over to the states, Greggory Morningstar had noted how she missed their homeland and had the house built for her so she could pick up and visit whenever she wished. He also apparently bought her a plane, and Kevin thought the whole thing as ridiculous as it was romantic. Michael just seemed too damn proud of his grandfather’s actions.

Proud enough he started a whole new argument by asking if Kevin wanted him to build him a house.

~~

“Why am I marrying into money, this is a horrible idea.”

“Because you’re a golddigger until the bitter end.”

“Fuck, you’re right.”

“Also I’m pretty.”

“That too.”

~~

Helen and Elena had wisely left the room fifteen minutes ago, and were probably continuing in their quest to help throw this wedding together so Mike didn’t drive himself mad and Kevin didn’t kill him.

Back in the dining room though, both men were on their feet, teeth bared and chins lowered, all but growling at each other.

They had been in this position for, you guessed it, fifteen minutes.

It turned out their ideas of décor, which had seemed to meld so well before when they were just leaving their marks on each other’s homes, were not surviving the wedding process. Again, Mike wanted flashy and elegant (tacky, he wanted tacky, why couldn’t he stop throwing money around for five minutes-) while Kevin wanted earthy and simple (cheap, neither of them were on the streets anymore they could afford to indulge in nice things-).

“Okay boys,” Helen said as she strode back in, ignoring the tension- she’d known these two since she was quite literally born, she was used to it- and dropping a small stack of books on the table between them, “Elena and I have figured something out. First off, we’ve decided on greys, golds, and blues for your colors. Shut up.” Both men closed their mouths before even getting the chance to speak. “They’re what look best on you both and you’d argue about it just to argue. Anyway, we’ve got a plan, we’re gonna handle it, we just need you boys to pick some flowers that’ll work.” She patted the stack, which a quick glance proved to be on the topic.

“We don’t care if you do them together or apart, just get us at least four to work off and don’t kill each other. I’ve already got a dress bought and I’m not wasting it because you’re stupid.” Neither of them answered, but when she rolled her eyes and left Kevin stuck his tongue out at her back.

If nothing else it made Mike bite back a laugh.

~~

They split the job. Mike chose daffodils and false indigo, which meant Kevin had to scrap his plan to choose daffodils. (He should’ve known anyway, given how fond Mike was of them.) Instead he went with irises and tulips, and if it was because the idea of tulips for a later summer wedding seemed so very Michael to him, well, it wasn’t like anyone was going to ask.

Thankfully, they all really worked surprisingly well together.

~~

“So,” Kevin asked one evening while they hung out on his couch, “what are we doing with your uncle?”

“What do you mean?” Mike didn’t take his eyes off his game, but his shoulders tensed under Kevin’s arm. He pulled it back enough to be able to massage one.

“Are we inviting him or- I mean I know you guys’ relationship is… weird, right now but…” ‘But everyone on the list so far is either a mutual friend or someone there for me.’ Mike was quiet for a moment, then paused his game.

“Do you think we should?” Kevin shrugged.

“I think I’d have to start shaming the Tennysons into not flipping their shit tomorrow if we do,” he said. “I mean their history with him is as bad as it is with me, possibly worse given I never tried to kill either of their moms.” Mike groaned under his breath. “But he’s your uncle, and if you want him there…” He shrugged again, but threw up a grin and nudged Mike’s shoulder.

“If you want him there, I’ll drag him to Italy myself if I have to.” Quietly chuckling, Mike leaned against him.

“I think,” he said slowly, like he was rolling the idea in his head, “I’m more likely to regret not inviting him someday than I am to regret inviting him. Besides, if anyone is going to go all out to celebrate my wedding, it’ll be him.” Kevin chuckled.

“Given he tried to kidnap you when we were three because he loved you so much, I’m not surprised.”

“Excuse me,” Mike replied, smiling, “he did not try to kidnap me. He succeeded in kidnapping me. And given how my stepmother turned out I don’t think he can be blamed.” There was no way Kevin could really argue there.

“Still, I’m glad our dads tracked you down. He really doesn’t sound like the type who should be raising children.”

“Oh fuck no,” Mike said. “Maybe he can come babysit on occasion, but we’re definitely not leaving our kids to him or anything.” Not that they’d ever really agreed to have kids (they’d agreed it seemed likely to happen at some point, given how Kevin’s family was, but not to have them specifically) but Kevin still nodded. It wasn’t a discussion for now.

“Oh no, we leave them to Argit.”

~~

After another four arguments Mike got permission to build Kevin a house up in New England, closer to his mother’s relatives. In return, two other Morningstar properties were being converted into a foster care center and housing for families traveling in pursuit of healthcare for mutant children.

Mike accepted the terms as soon as he got them.

~~

“Cookies, pie, or something else?”

“What?” Rolling out from under his car, Kevin looked up to see Mike standing there with one of the notepads he seemed to have an endless supply of lately.

“I assume you don’t want us to have a cake, so what do you think we should have instead? I want to say cookies but that seems…”

“Inelegant.” Kevin had been at this long enough at this point to hear that word ringing in his dreams anymore. Still, he smiled at Mike’s remembering how he felt about cake and sat up, crossing his arms over his legs. “You want pie then?”

“Unless you can think of something else. Croquembouche maybe. It would be traditional, but given how many children are likely to be at this I’d worry about it being damaged.”

“And pies won’t suffer from that,” Kevin chuckled.

“They’re not likely to topple over at any point.”

“They will if we stack them high enough.” His bright smile was met with a glower, which was really the goal with that one. Sometimes getting a rise out of Mike was fun.

“Don’t start, Kevin. I just want to know what you think.” Kevin took a minute the think it over, rising to his feet with a long stretch and stepping over to rest his head against Mike’s, ignoring the resultant complaints about mussing his hair.

“Order your pastry tower,” he said, “I’ll ask the fam to make pies and tarts and we’ll just, form a protective ring of them.” With a snorting laugh, Mike shook his head.

“Alright, sure.” He raised an eyebrow at Kevin in a way that might have been stern if he wasn’t smiling. “If this thing gets knocked over though-”

“You can skin me alive, I’ll deserve it.” Pressing a quick kiss to his lips, Kevin backed up. “Was that all you needed, babe?” Purring, Mike nodded.

“I think so, for now at least. Thank you, Daffodil.”

~~

“What do you mean ‘no’?! You’ve spent the past year and a half insisting this be the most posh, elegant wedding ever on the planet Earth and now you don’t want me in fucking formalwear?!” He was gonna kill him, right here in a tailor shop he was going to kill him.

“You look awkward,” Mike snapped by way of explanation, “and weird dressed like that, like someone put jeans on a swan! Just-” He stepped forward and began wrestling Kevin out of his outfit. “-take off the jacket- There! That looks right!” He didn’t look in the mirror. He refused. Over a year of fighting him, and losing half the time, on the topic of how elegant this whole affair should be and now, now Mike decided there was a line.

He was gonna kill him.

Even if it felt nice to lose the extra fabric around his neck.

“And what, pray tell, are you going to wear then?”

“The full suit, obviously.” Yep gonna kill him. “I look good in it and you…” Reaching out, Mike adjusted his collar and tie. Smoothed out the fabric over his chest and arms. “You look better like this.”

“Do I now?” Some old bit of Kevin’s brain swore that if this was some attempt to make him look unkempt, out of place, at his own damn wedding just to make his bastard shine more he would- Mike leaned in and kissed him.

“You look like you,” he said when he pulled away, then gave the outfit a critical eye. “We’ll just have to make up for the jacket with the jewelry.”

~~

Kevin stared into the velvet-lined box in his hands. There was just, everything in there. Earrings, noserings, cufflinks, if it was a piece of jewelry he could physically wear it was there. And white sapphires, the lot of it. (“I know how you feel about the diamond industry, Levin.”) He just, didn’t know what to say. He’d never legally held this many gemstones in his hands before. Forget hundreds, there had to be thousands of dollars’ worth of jewels there.

“Mike, I-”

“Kevin Ethan Levin-Jones, I swear if I get to the altar and you aren’t fucking sparkling with all this I am going to turn around and come right the fuck back home.” Oh. Well then. He chuckled and grinned up at him.

“Whatever you want, babe.”

~~

The coffeetable was littered with papers containing every possible combination of their first and last names. And relatives’ last names. And Mike’s clan name which it turned out didn’t work with anything. Because apparently the fates hated them.

“I’m telling you, ‘Kevin Morningstar’ works the best out of the lot.”

“Yeah but do I want to be associated with that level of wealth?” Mike looked at him askance.

“It’s not like we’re the fucking Bezos family.”

“Still.”

“Besides, you could get rid of that stupid pun. Honestly, I’m still pissed you didn’t get rid of it when you changed your name. Kevin E Levin, really, only you would make your name worse.”

“What can I say, I’m my father’s child.”

“You’re not making puns out of my children, you know.”

“We’ll see about that.” Shifting some papers, Kevin chewed the inside of his cheek. “‘Michael Levin-Jones’ doesn’t sound bad.” Mike groaned beside him.

“No, but it doesn’t sound as good as ‘Michael Morningstar’ does.”

“That’s just because of the alliteration. Besides, that way Argit wouldn’t have to kill me for changing my name after he legally snatched it up.”

“He can deal.” Kevin shook his head with a heavy sigh, dropping it onto Mike’s shoulder.

“We are going to be here forever,” he said, which only seemed to aggravate his fiancé.

“No, we are going to figure something out if I have to pull a name from a goddamn hat.”

~~

In the end, somehow, probably thanks to the girls, it turned out to be a nice wedding.

The house was lovely, large enough that family could take over the kitchens but not huge, with nice landscaping and a lovely view of the Mediterranean that they’d used as a backdrop for the ceremony and pictures. Kevin did feel more comfortable without the jacket and found himself unable to argue about clothing choices when Mike showed up in full formalwear, mostly because he was too busy alternating between staring and trying to discreetly swat Ben and Argit for laughing at him. The traitors.

The ceremony was as lovely as was to be expected given Kevin had puppy-eyed Zak into officiating and Mike had written half the damn thing. Multiple people had cried, including Kevin himself. The rings had been revealed, homemade by Kevin, at which point everything seemed to hit Mike and he nearly cried. They had to do the whole ‘you may kiss the groom’ thing twice, purely because Kevin couldn’t resist being a shit and littering Mike’s face with the kisses the first time, but they were both smiling after and Manny fell down laughing so nobody could really argue against it.

Besides, any embarrassment it may have caused Mike’s poor battered pride was overshadowed at the reception, when Mr Zomboni decided to make a toast and speech detailing some of the embarrassing things they both did as toddlers before bursting into tears again as how grown up his dear nephew was.

Was a lovely reception though, Helen and Elena outdid themselves. Everything in crystal and flowers, steel, gold, and chains. Elegant enough that Mike could bear to attend (cue eye roll) and mellow enough Kevin didn’t feel out of place at his own damn wedding. And the food was spectacular, even- Kevin hated to admit- the catered stuff, though he happily noted, aloud, that Mike ate more of the home cooking on offer.

After his bitching he was never living it down.

All in all it was, good.

Right.

Perfect.

~~

“Ya know,” Kevin said, quietly because they were both suffering from monster hangovers post-reception, “I’m just amazed we survived this long. I was sure we were going to kill each other.” With a tiny huff, Mike burrowed further into his side, face slotted against his collarbone.

“Couldn’t kill you,” he mumbled, “spent too much on that damn engagement ring to waste it.” Kevin snorted a quick laugh, flinching when his headache didn’t agree with it.

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, pressing a kiss to his hair, “love you too, Sparkles.” Mike huffed louder this time, throwing one arm over his face and around Kevin’s head as he mumbled something into his skin.

It sounded suspiciously similar to ‘love you more’.

[stanananathon]

stozier wedding au

richie was freaking out. it was a good kind of freaking out, he thinks, but freaking out nonetheless.

he’s getting married today. married. to his best friend. he can’t wait! except that he has to.

he and stan made this ridiculous agreement that they wouldn’t see each other the day of the ceremony until they walked down the aisle. at the time it seemed like a good idea but now richie couldn’t remember a time when he regretted a decision more.

by not seeing stan he couldn’t help the doubts flooding in. what if stan didn’t want to see richie so that he could run out? what if yesterday was the last time richie would see stan? what if something happened to stan and richie can’t do anything?

“hey, trashmouth, get out of your head. everything’s fine.” richie looked up at his entourage, bev and eddie. eddie was looking down at his phone, and bev was giving him a look.

“but what if it’s not, bev?” richie’s leg was shaking from his seat in the chair and he had to hold his hands from running them through his hair. he knew stan would hate it if he had messed up hair on their wedding day.

“you can’t keep letting all these what if’s get in the way of the happiest day of your life. you have one hour until the ceremony you’ve made it this far, you can do it.” as exasperated as bev was she still managed to sound reassuring.

bev’s phone buzzed and she stood up. “i’ll be right back, ben needs me for something. eddie?”

eddie looked up from his phone dutifully.

“don’t let him go anywhere.” richie groane dramatically as eddie nodded his head and turned off his phone to keep his eyes right on richie. after bev closes the door richie turned back to eddie.

“c’mon spaghetti, you’re not gonna deprive me of seeing my man just for a couple minutes are you?”

“oh, shut up. did you actually think using that nickname would help you? cos you were very wrong.” eddie took a second before his eyes softened. he and richie had a brief thing when they were 15 but it wasn’t meant to be. they ended up becoming closer friends because of it and after eddie and mike got together and richie and stan did it really felt like the world was the way it was supposed to be.

“I know this is hard for you, rich, I do. but you’ve gotta trust us. stan is just fine and he’s not gonna run out on you. truthfully he’s probably just as worried about you doing that to him.”

“I’d—“ richie starts to protest but eddie cuts him off.

“I know you’d never do that. that’s how I know stan never would either. you’ve just gotta trust us, okay? if something were to seriously go wrong, you know we’d tell you.” richie nodded and allowed himself to take a deep breath.

“yeah, yeah. you’re right.” eddie smirked.

“always am.” richie managed a bark of a laugh before standing up and wiping his palms on the front of his trousers.

“i’m just gonna go for a little walk. you can stand guard outside the door, don’t worry. just need to get a stretch in these ol’ long legs.” richie grinned and eddie eyes him skeptically before standing up.

“all right, but I swear if you pull any funny business...”

“aw, c’mon, eds, you know me.” and eddie did. so he really should have expected it when richie started sprinting the second the door opens.

———————

stan was freaking out. not because he was nervous but because he could tell richie was freaking out and it was stressing him out. bill kept looking at his phone and quickly typing replies, and stan could tell he was talking to bev about richie.

why did he and richie have to agree not to see each other? neither of them were superstitious. this was ridiculous. at the time it seemed like a sweet thing to do, but now stan saw how illogical it was, and he was ready to call it off.

“look, bill—“

“nope.” bill cut him off. “I know what you’re going to say and you know that you made me promise not to let you guys see each other.”

“but this is ridiculous! I know he’s freaking out, and I know you’re texting bev and I know the only way to make him feel better is for me to talk to him. c’mon, bill.”

this time mike cut in. “stan, you know that’s not true. richie has bev and eddie and they’re both more than capable of taking care of richie.” his strong voice always had a way of making stan want to believe every word he said when they were kids, and nothing had changed now.

“yeah, but if i could just—“ stan put out his hands in a helpless gesture.

“stan.” stan’s hands dropped and mike took them in his. “everything is—“

“STAN! STANLEY! STANATHAN!”

“GOD DAMMIT RICHARD GET BACK HERE.”

stan’s head shot up at the sound of richie and eddie’s shouts. he immediately stood up and raced to the door where he saw richie sprinting towards him and eddie trailing desperately behind. stan couldn’t help himself, he ran straight into richie’s arms.

richie held on tightly to stan as stan reassuringly ran his fingers through richie’s curls. they just held each other for a few moments before stand leaned back ever so slightly to look at richie’s face.

“you okay?” he ran his thumbs across richie’s cheekbones and richie let out a soft sigh.

“yeah, i’m okay.” he smiled. “I just—“ he flexed his fingers around stan’s hips as a way of finishing his sentence and stan nodded because he understood. richie needed to see him, needed to feel him, to know he was there and he wasn’t going anywhere. “this was stupid, why’d we do this?”

stan laughed lightly and shook his head, “I don’t know.”

“because,” eddie interrupted, “you wanted to make this day more special which you too have officially ruined. now there’s only ten minutes until the ceremony and you two have the rest of your lives to grope each other, so come on, richie. let’s go.”

richie squeezes stan’s ass as if to prove eddie’s point and cackled when stan gasped and swatted at his chest. “all right, spaghetti. i’m coming.” he pecked stan’s forehead and mumbled out a soft, “love you.” before letting go and making his way back down the hallway. “you look fine as hell, by the way!”

stan laughed and waved him off. he turned back to look at a bewildered mike and bill, who shook his head. “i’ll never pretend to understand you two.” stan shrugged with a small smile on his lips.

“that’s okay. you don’t have to.” bill rolled his eyes and lead stan back into his waiting room.

——————

“what most of you don’t know is that just before the ceremony this morning we had to basically fight to keep these two apart.” the crowd laughed as eddie continued his best man’s speech.

“these idiots had decided they would do the traditional not seeing each other before the ceremony but not even an hour before I had to sprint after richie down and hallway towards the room stan was waiting in because he just had to see him.” eddie grinned.

“i’ve known richie and stan almost my whole life and seeing them grow together has inspired me. they’re the it couple. they balance each other out in the best ways, and I couldn’t be more excited for their new journey.” eddie raised his glasses at them and richie raised his as he pretended not to wipe a tear from his eye. “to richie and stan.”

the crowd joined in on the toast and richie took a swig if his champagne with them. he leaned back and put his arm around the back of stan’s chair and took a moment to admire his husband. stan noticed richie’s staring and turned to look at him. they locked eyes and richie swore that just in that look stan knew everything richie was feeling and richie knew everything stan was feeling.

“I love you so much.” richie told him.

“I love you more.” stan quipped back and richie shook his head before pulling stan into a kiss.

“not possible.”

[nerd6log]

It's just the most wholesome pick n mix (hoping people understand that 🤣)

[I came back to the top of my essay post to warn you that it will be exactly that; an essay 😅😅]

Like the Cap and Fanny as well with their very prim and proper kind of appearances and how they have that sense of humour no one else can fathom

Pat and Kitty! The dancing to that Saturday Night song 🥺

The Cap and Pat "everyone knows morse code" and the tent pitching stuff and when the cap gets his 'badges' 🥲

Fanny and Mary bonding over Loose Women because it must be such an intriguing / important thing for them to see how women can freely express their opinions

Mary and Robin 😭This pairing breaks my heart in a sad way (and I mean sad as in its because I'm too obsessed and engrossed by Ghosts) This was definitely going to be my ship and series 4 ripped my pathetic little heart into pieces because in series 3 there was definitely something going on or about to go on there... This was definitely the grounds for THE most wholesome relationship in history, don't even try to change my mind 😅

Julian and Robin... chess husbands is how I saw someone word it before and omg it's the most accurate thing

Oop, almost forgot Humphrey 🤣 Honestly after that Bone Polot episode... he is SUCH a sweetheart, such a kind soul, you know? I mean I'm kind of relieved it didn't really work out with Fanny, not in a horrible way but because I don't think they'd be almost that compatible... Poor Humphrey though, I feel like a lot of the Ghosts probably talk more to the rest of the body than his head 😅 Not because they don't like him but because they might want someone to talk to but without the reaction that someone with ears would have, you know what I'm saying? 🤣 Bit of a weird one perhaps because we haven't had many interactions between these two but I think Kitty deserved someone like Humphrey when she was alive because he's the type to appreciate someone for who they are and I don't feel like she maybe fully had that kind of environment or support with her sister around when she was alive.

Humphrey and Thomas though too, yes! What I was getting at just there as well is that I think Humphrey can be a deep guy, maybe it's something that grew with the years of only being a head and not being able to have intimacy or hugs or whatever even with the other Ghosts but I think he's maybe the only one Thomas could feel like he can talk to about his feelings because Thomas bless him does seem fairly driven by his emotions 😅 I think Humphrey might be the only one that can really understand or the only one that has the patience to listen to Thomas go on about his feelings for Alison, that sort of thing.

AND THEN (I know, will this girl shut up yet?) there's even the connections with the Ghosts x Alison or even Mike that I love

Like Mike x Julian for sure with the drone and the 'x' at the end if that work message to mess with Mike 😅 I could definitely see a scenario, the setting is like years and years away and Mike finally gets to meet Julian and at first he's like bro wtf for all the little things he did but then it doesn't take long for them to both laugh about it and bond over those things that happened when Mike was living 😅 I can also see Julian unexpectedly(?) being the most helpful at getting Mike to accept he is a ghost too and this is probably a stupid thought but because as a human race we become more logical and less superstitious and whatnot, I think it's probably harder for someone to have died in this century and accept this afterlife than it might have been for someone a few centuries ago (take Annie for example who seems to just straightaway be like - can't remember the quote - 'why am I not in heaven? Is it because of the bread?' and she didnt reeeally freak out about the fact she had become a ghost) because back then no one (or not many people?) knew anything other than religion and I guess usually the whole concept of life and death within religion is live a good life and then there's an afterlife in heaven that lasts an eternity, etc etc. Idk I just feel like Julian and Mike would relate a lot more closely about how it felt to progress into the afterlife or that stage of the afterlife.

I have to talk about Alison x Kitty because I think both equally and respectively have that need for a sister figure and it's just quite a shame that they couldn't have lived at the same time 🥺 Kitty, having died quite young, definitely has a more open mind to modern attitudes and ideas I think and I just feel like she would have LOVED growing up in the 90s/00s with the pop music we had then. I'm not fully sure if I'm going to round this pairing off with a solid point but I think Alison could have used someone like Kitty as a sister growing up and vice versa

And then continuing with the family thing and back to Pat... Yes to the father figure thing but not just with Kitty, in a way to Alison too. I'm probably going to explain this terribly but you know how he liked to plan things (like "Wednesday's Shepherds Pie night" sort of thing) and perhaps because his day to day life got a bit same-y because he stuck to his plans (maybe it was a comfort thing?)... he now looks back and wishes he could have been more present with the family he had? So he likes to help Alison out where he can because he might see her as like his favourite niece? Or dancing with Kitty because he knows it's something she's enthusiastic about and he wants to engage in and he wants to be like that as much as he can with all the ghosts who are now his family? (Idk why but Kitty x Julian gives me innocent child x strange / slightly creepy uncle vibes? 🤣 but in a harmless way like that weird kind of uncle that winks after every innuendo?)

I do apologise for the long winded reblog, like I am actually really sorry if anyone chose to read it all 🤣 I got a bit drunk tonight and I just happened to find this post and me writing all these things down was the best way possible to bide my time before finally feeling sleepy 😅

(Knowing me, I'll have enough thoughts for a part 2 that NO ONE will have asked for but drink does that to ya kids 🥴🤣)

I love how Ghosts allows you to see dynamics you couldn’t realistically see in real life and never knew you needed. There’s so much potential for each dynamic that no matter what you get you’re excited. Julian and Cap conspiring together? Love it, wish they had more of that. Pat and Kitty being the father figure who can’t explain death and the daughter figure who wants to cling onto the loss? Intriguing, says so much about their characters. They certainly need more Humphrey and Thomas, Kitty and Julian, Captain and Robin. There’s just so many possibilities

[aion-rsa]

Evil Season 2: Katja Herbers Talks Jinn and Dark Tonics

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

This interview contains spoilers for Evil season 2.

Evil season 2 turned a new page in The Pop-Up Book of Terrifying Things MMXXI. The first episode, “N Is for Night Terrors,” began with Dr. Kristen Bouchard (Katja Herbers) trying to literally bury the hatchet on things which might disturb her sleep. Ben Shakir (Aasif Mandvi) found something, or someone, new to keep him up past bedtime. David Acosta (Mike Colter) doesn’t need to close his eyes in order to dream. He is close to becoming ordained as a priest, but the church keeps throwing too many practical applications on his study sheet.

The second episode, “A Is for Angel,” saw the trinity question the justice of God, as an archangel laid plans to open the second bowl of torments for mankind. The headlines which crawled across Evil’s news coverage of a global plague mirrored the worldwide reaction to the COVID pandemic. Recently exorcized from CBS, Evil now possesses Paramount+. The supernatural suspense drama dips into The X-Files territory. David wants to believe, probably even more than Fox Mulder. Forensic psychiatrist Kristen wants to get to the bottom of belief, much like Dana Scully conducted her own autopsies in search of physical explanations for anomalies. Ben is all three of the Lone Gunmen, plus about half of Skinner. He knows all the tricks tech toys can pull, and a safe distance from belief.

In “F Is for Fire,” the analytic team from St. Joseph’s is forced to look beyond the Catholic church, and Christian teachings, to answer the most burning questions a young Islamic girl may have. The episode is the hottest of the series so far. The very opening is a sexual fantasy strong enough to set Kristen off on the prowl. Bouchard was a trophy-winning mountain climber before she went looking for things that go bump in the night, and this gives her a shot at a little of both.

Prior to Dr. Kristen Bouchard’s work with the investigative team, she was an on-call expert in forensic psychology for the District Attorney’s office. Prior to Evil, Katja Herbers played Dr. Helen Prins on WGN America’s Manhattan and Emily Grace in HBO’s Westworld, and had recurring roles in The Americans, The Leftovers, and Manhunt: Unabomber. In a conversation with Den of Geek, Herbers stoked the fires of her relations with the jinn, David, and her new bosses.

DEN OF GEEK: I have been enjoying the show since the first night terror. Are you kept awake at night pondering the bigger questions?

KATJA HERBERS: No, I have to say I don’t. I’m more interested in the actual terror of this actual world, like climate change and things like that.

You’ll be exploring some of that on this show. How do you feel about being part of the conversation?

I love that. I think our show is so very timely, unfortunately, for a show called Evil and the things that we explore. I like to think that watching something like this can also be a way of processing the world that we’re in and may hopefully sometimes be a bit therapeutic or cathartic or just offer some relief because you see these characters’ fight. Then maybe you yourself can sit back and just watch some other people take care of business.

In season one, there was a rising sexual tension between you and David, and this season, you’re more on the prowl. Was this detour to avoid the will-they-won’t-they Mulder-Scully arc or are you just taking David’s vows more seriously?

No, I think it just is because Kristen murdered someone and she’s now looking for some kind of a calmness in herself and needs to find that anywhere, and that might be with any guy in any bar. She’s trying medication, she’s trying it all. I think the will-they-or-won’t-they will continue because I do think they have a very genuine connection, both intellectually and also there’s a physical attraction and I don’t think that’s going to go away.

How are the drug interactions affecting the spiritual ones? You’re taking a different type of drug than David, but altered reality is still altered reality.

Yeah. I ask for them, because I’m seeing things that aren’t there. I’m seeing this jinn with a head on fire, and I’m having hallucinations. I think that I actually ask my psychiatrist specifically to prescribe me a certain medication because I’m also a psychiatrist and I know what I need. I believe in medicine and in science, but I know that those things, it can take a while until you’ve found the right cocktail for your brain chemistry.

I do think that she’s suffering from unfortunate side effects there or at least that’s how she sees it or does it not have to do with the medicine? Is it actually all supernatural? And is this jinn following her? I guess that’s the whole question of what’s going on with Kristen.

Are the characters becoming more steeped in their supernatural reality or are they just becoming more suggestible to the force of expectation? Ben also has an imaginary friend.

Yeah. The job that we have, does mean that a lot of things I cannot explain purely scientifically. I do think that my character is more open to a supernatural explanation of things than she was at the very start of the first season. I think probably, I’m sort of in the middle of David and Ben. I think all three of us are dealing with things that we cannot explain, and I think that’s very interesting. What is a human being, if we don’t show the doubt that they have? Anybody who is completely certain of things, they can get a bit boring maybe.

Do you miss George?

Yeah. I do miss George. I find him very funny and endearing and weird. Luckily enough, most of the demons are played by the same actor, who’s wonderful, Marti Matulis. So, I do get to hang out with the actor, just in a different costume.

When Ben caught the telltale blood stain at the end of last season, was Kristen willing him not to remember it?

Yes. Exactly. I thought that was very funny.

(Creators and showrunners) Robert and Michelle King bring a great sense of humor to this. Will there be any strictly humorous shows like The X-Files did “Jose Chung’s From Outer Space?”

I hope so. That would be very fun. I think nothing’s too crazy for the Kings. I’ll put in the request.

How intensive is the investigation into Orson LeRoux’s death going to be? And how much peril is Kristen facing?

Well, I think it’s going to be quite intensive, if not for the police looking for whoever killed him, but also just internally in Kristen’s mind, because she did that, and now what? She’s not lying awake, pondering if she did the right thing, because I do think that she did the right thing – it was him or her children, that was very clear to her. So, what mother wouldn’t want to protect their children? But she is now a murderer, and I think it has changed her and she’s become somebody who is way more willing to go to the edge of things.

She also has district attorney training. Do you think she would have done the same thing if it was someone else’s family?

I don’t think so. No. I think she would have gone to the police.Think this was a very emotional act, and that kind of emotionality only comes if you’re protecting your own.

Do you know why she is being singled out? Has that been revealed to you?

For some reason, this Leland guy seems to have it out for her. Maybe because she seems like a good person and the good needs to be destroyed. I don’t know. Or maybe it’s because they want to get to David, unclear.

I read that the COVID forced a change in the season arc, second season. Were there any lost opportunities that you might have to revisit in future seasons?

At the start of filming this season, it had more to do with locations and things. We couldn’t be in a room with more than X amount of people. So, I think there was going to be something on a subway platform that didn’t end up happening because we couldn’t have those kinds of extras there. But I don’t think it held us back creatively. If anything, the protocols just really slowed us down. People have had to wait for the season a very long time because of COVID unfortunately, otherwise it would have been out long ago.

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Do you have any more freedoms at Paramount+ than you did at CBS?

I think so. We only found out about the move when we were way far into filming, I think we were at episode 11 or something. The freedoms will also be found in the editing room, where we used to have to be exactly 43 minutes. And now maybe sometimes, you can have a little bit more air around a scene. It could maybe be 45 minutes, and those two extra minutes can mean, does a joke land or does it not land? I’m very excited about the move and the extra creativity that comes with that.

Are you at all superstitious? Would you do Macbeth?

Yeah, sure I’d do Macbeth, but can I play Macbeth? I’m not very superstitious. However, I sometimes will have a stupid thought in my head like, you better go to the other side of the street and then I’ll be like, “oh, okay, well, there you go, might as well do it.” I used to work with somebody in the theater who had to get in and out of their costume eight times before they could go on stage because otherwise it wouldn’t go well. My OCD stops at, once a week I’ll walk to the other side of the street, but it doesn’t go further than that.

A lot of people click with this show because they recognize the supernatural in their everyday lives. Do people come up to you on the street and ask for answers?

No, because nobody ever recognizes me, which is a wonderful, wonderful thing. I have literally never, ever been asked about Evil on the street.

Do you yourself go looking for answers?

Well, on a scientific level, sure, but not in a supernatural way.

Evil airs Sundays on Paramount+.

The post Evil Season 2: Katja Herbers Talks Jinn and Dark Tonics appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/36bpiUf

[alexinafterglow]

1-100 for my baby i love you

Awww I love you too baby thank you for asking!!!1: Is there a boy/girl in your life? There’s a perfect boy in my life named Key 💖
2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them? I have forgiven them for it bc it was a long ass time ago. 
3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. I couldn’t find a book near me fast enough so I typed 17 on “my” chrome book. 
4: What’s something you really want right now?
 Key and Mexican food tbh. 5: Are you afraid of falling in love? I would say yes but I’ve already fallen head over heels for my baby!
6: How can I win your heart? You already have!
7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else? Yes plenty of times with you!
8: What’s the background on your cell?
 So after questioning for like 5 minutes what cell was until u told me it was short for cell phone it’s a set of flowers and you bc I’m gay. 9: Name the last four beds you sat on? Key Key Key and mine. 
10: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? Na not at all because it was my mom lmao. 
11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned? They are going a billion times better than I ever could have dreamt of!
12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? Probably Quinn’s idk I don’t have a lot of friends riiip. 
13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler? NEITHER I HATE DOGS FIGHT ME
14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? Emotional because it’ll never leave you. 
15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? How bout yes please. 
16: Are you tired? I’m always tired I barely sleep send help. 
17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact? I’ve had them since 2009 when I had my first phone. 
18: If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? 2008 so I wouldn’t be so fucked tbh. 
19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? Lmao I’ve only dated Key ripppp. 
20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with? I talk to my first love and first kiss every day
21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? I know I have the right person and yes I am gonna marry Key!
22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? It’s Key so hell yes a billion times over!
23: When was the last time you were disappointed? About a month ago. 
24: Is there a certain quote you live by?
 “This is the anthem throw all your hands up. Y'all don’t have to feel me sing if you’re with me”25: What’s on your mind? Tbh key and I wish my internet would work so I didn’t have to use data. 
26: Do you have any tattoos? I wish but not yet. 
27: What is your favorite color? My favorite color is red it’s lit. 
28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips? Tomorrow when I see my baby Key!29: Who are you texting? Lmao the one and only Keeey. 
30: Are you superstitious about anything? I believe in a lot of superstition but not any about black cats they’re the good pusses. 
31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? Oh yea plenty of times. 
32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? I have plenty just because girls are better than guys to talk to tbh. 
33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you? I know my beautiful future Key does. 
34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? You have my beautiful emerald!
35: What was the reason for your last breakup? I haven’t had a breakup and won’t soooo. 
36: Were you single on Valentines Day? Lmao na I had the most amazing Valentine’s Day ever!
37: Name one physical feature that you like about yourself, and one you dislike. I like that I breathe I hate that I’m very clumsy. 
38: What do your friends call you? Dill Bill!
39: Has anyone upset you in the last week? My family every day. 
40: Have you ever cried over a text? I cried when Key said yes when I asked him out!
41: Where’s your last bruise located? On my elbow. 
42: What is it from? I hit it on a wall. 
43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad? Probably about a month ago honestly I wanted to be away from the world. 
44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with? I’m always on the phone with Key!
45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes? I love all of my converses!
46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day? Na I don’t look good with hats on. 
47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style? Oh no I don’t look well bald. 
48: Do you make supper for your family?
 Every now and then I make dinner for them. 49: What’s the toughest decision you made this year? Probably to convince myself to be me. 
50: Top 3 web-pages? Probably any social media site tbh. 
51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping? No and I’ll fight them. 
52: Does anything on your body hurt?
 My knees because I have no protection to them when I walk. 53: Are goodbyes hard for you? I never say goodbye unless the other person says it first. 
54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? Coffee like a month ago. 
55: How is your hair? It’s medium length and very faded denim blue in it. 
56: What do you usually do first in the morning? I tell Key good morning and then use the bathroom. 
57: Do you think two people can last forever? Key and I are going to so yea of course. 
58: Think back to January 2007, were you single? Lmao I have been until like almost year ago. 
59: Green or purple grapes? Purple are the best. 
60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug? As soon as I see Key!
61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now? Right next to Key
62: What did your father teach you? How to treat women correctly. 
63: Where will you be 5 hours from now? Probably asleep or waking up randomly. 64: What were you doing at 8 this morning. Trying to go back to sleep while waiting for Key to wake up. 65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked? The same person I liked for like 3 years and I love now and am gonna marry!
66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? Key!!!
67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today? I wish I did to Key but no unfortunately. 
68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? I hope Key sleeps amazingly tonight!
69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Oh yea but I’m pretty sure everyone has. 
70: How many windows are open on your computer? Only one and that’s this site called rabb.it key and I use!71: If you won 100 million dollars, what would you buy first? Anything and everything Key wanted and spend like maybe $100 on a new recording Device so I could lmao. 
72: What is your ringtone? Why don’t you get a job- the offsprings 
73: How old will you be in 5 months? I’ll be 19!
74: Where is your Mum right now? Asleep like I should be lmao. 
75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love? I am tho???
76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? I hold Keys hand everyday that we see each other, which is like every other day, so yea I have. 
77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago? Lmao nope they all dropped me it I dropped them with the exception of Key. 
78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7? I didn’t really start crushing on people until like the end of grade 8. 
79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike? Lmao my dad goes by mike. 
80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? Every other day I do in Keys!
81: How many people have you liked in the past three months? Um let’s see here: key, KeY,Keeeeeey, and lastly keywi!
82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days? Lmao I sleep pants less so yea. 
83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight? I get to talk to him every night!
84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? Well first of all I’m not drunk ever so this question is already invalid. 
85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care? Well once again we’re straight edge so invalid question. 
86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie? Well I went with Key and I got to snuggle up next to him so there’s that. 
87: Who was your last received call from? KEEEEY
88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? Um no satin I wouldn’t. 
89: What is something you wish you had more of? Key and money to spend on key. 
90: Have you ever trusted someone too much? I used to trust everyone too much until I got bullied as a child lmao. 
91: Do you sleep with your window open?
 Um no I’m not dumb and don’t appreciate losing my goods. 92: Do you get along with girls? Lmao almost all of my current friends RN are girls so yea. Males are usually douches. 
93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?
 No I tell the truth as soon as I know it. 94: Does sex mean love? To me if I have sex with someone aka Key, then it means love, but in a hypothetical world that I don’t wanna live in where Key doesn’t exist and I just have sex with random people not necessarily. 
95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? I’m sorry did you mean the only person I want to spend forever with, Key???
96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring? Oh no I’ve only kissed one person. 
97: Did you sleep alone this week? Na I slept with my baby Key every night!
98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you? I definitely do his name is john cena jk it’s key. 
99: Do you believe in love at first sight? I believe you can want to be friends with someone as soon as you see them but you can’t love them until you know them. 
100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise? Every night I pinky promise Key something.

[valisi-clark]

Qveertrash on AO3: “ Where did you get the idea of a sin-eater AU? The idea of sin-eaters is very interesting. They're like creatures that children get scared of. “ 

I’m answering this here under a cut because, of course, it’s a long ass story. The character limit on AO3 wouldn’t allow it. 

Thank you everyone who has supported The Sin-eater with your comments and questions and kudos and reads! 

It’s surprising to me, but my dad actually gave me the idea for the Sin-eater AU. About five years ago (way before I was even knew about Tumblr), I asked him what was one of the scariest/creepiest things he had ever seen as a kid. 

He told me that one of the things that scared him the most, when he was a kid, was an episode of “Night Gallery”. “Night Gallery” is the series that Rod Serling started hosting and writing after “The Twilight Zone” ended. It’s not quite as good as “The Twilight Zone” in my opinion. But there’s one episode called “The Sins of the Fathers”. 

My dad said the “The Sins of the Fathers” episode was one of the scariest things he can remember. I’ve watched it, and I agree. You can probably find the episode online for free now. Here’s a short summary of the episode: 

In times before electricity and running water, when people died, they called for the sin-eater. The sin-eater was shunned, basically exiled, and he didn’t have any social interaction with regular people. He’s unclean. But people still need him to rid the corpses of their loved ones from sin. 

The sin-eater marries a woman (how?), and he has a son. One night, a villager comes to their home and requests the sin-eater. The sin-eater’s wife says that she’ll send him. When the villager leaves, the woman goes to her young adult son and tells him that his father has died, and he has to eat for his father. But they don’t have enough money for food for the ritual. 

The woman tells her son to go to the house of the villager, steal the food, come back, and eat for his father. 

Naturally, this kid is freaked-the-fuck-out. It’s gross for one thing. Eating food near or directly off of a corpse? He does it anyway. He’s the next sin-eater. It’s his birthright. 

He goes to the house, steals the food, goes home, and eats for his father. The catch is that he’s not only eating his father’s sins. He’s eating all of the sin’s that his father ever consumed. All of the sins of the generations before him and whoever they consumed. While he’s eating, he’s also screaming. It’s unnerving and disgusting to watch. You don’t know why he’s screaming, but you can only imagine how that food tastes, what he’s seeing in front of his unfocused eyes, what he’s feeling inside of his guts every time he swallows. It’s terrifying. 

It’s also an amazing idea, and I fucking love that episode! It scares the shit out of me!

And sin-eating has been recorded as a real thing that people did. Not only in Europe, but also in Meso-America.

Here’s a quote from the short Wikipedia article about sin-eaters. This quote comes from a book called Funeral Customs, published in 1926: 

“Professor Evans of the Presbyterian College, Carmarthen, actually saw a sin-eater about the year 1825, who was then living near Llanwenog, Cardiganshire. Abhorred by the superstitious villagers as a thing unclean, the sin-eater cut himself off from all social intercourse with his fellow creatures by reason of the life he had chosen; he lived as a rule in a remote place by himself, and those who chanced to meet him avoided him as they would a leper.”

When I found these things out, I was absolutely fascinated. How is this custom so old (Meso-America), so recent (about 200 years), but I had to watch a fictional story to learn about it? Why didn’t I learn about it in Mythology and Folklore? I’ve read a lot of articles about sin-eating, but the Wikipedia page for it is so short? Have people purposely not recorded information about these people because they were so disgusted? Also, this quote says that the sin-eater chose this life? Is that something someone can actually choose? Is sin-eating the reason that we eat food after a funeral?! How does this affect my modern-day culture?!

I have so many questions about this custom and the people who lived through it. But sin-eating is still being used as a fictional character device because it’s so good! 

There are two types of sin-eaters: the kind that physically removes sin through the consumption of food and the kind that physically removes sin through some other means. 

John Coffey in The Green Mile by Stephen King is a sin-eater. I’ve read an article about that. 

When John Coffey removes the infection Paul Edgecomb, he’s technically removing the sin that accumulates in a human’s body as a flawed creature. There are sources that express the idea that sin becomes a physical ailment, sin leads to death through the accumulation of physical ailments in the body (religious texts, The Picture of Dorian Gray,  these two come to mind first). However, Stephen King steps it up a notch in The Green Mile by showing us the excrement process. When John Coffey releases that plague of black... insects? from his mouth, he’s excreting the sin that he’s eaten from someone. Therefore, he’s not storing it, and it won’t physically affect him over a period of time. Does that mean if he didn’t release it that the sin would physically affect him? Probably. Stephen King avoided that degeneration process by adding the release process. 

I’ve known for a while that I wanted to use sin-eaters in fiction, but I wasn’t exactly sure how to do it. 

At first, I imagined Erwin as a prince of a nation and Levi as the sin-eater? That crumbled so fast. Erwin’s characterization is difficult to fit into a monarchy because he’s so independent and compassionate. In strict monarchies, a prince may not even know how to dress himself. In the first plot that I thought about, the king (Erwin’s father) dies, and they call one of the royal sin-eaters. Erwin’s never seen one before. Levi shows up because the Ackermans are royal sin-eaters. But why would Erwin even be allowed to look at him? Because he’s curious?  Royal Guard Mike might agree to let Erwin look, but he’s definitely not going to agree to let Erwin build any sort of relationship with a sin-eater! That bullshit about royalty sneaking out to go see their lovers? Not a thing. A royal human is objectified. If something happens to King Erwin, the country would be in trouble, could be attacked before a new monarch is put into place. Erwin is an investment. And if he’s dependent on servants, how is he going to know how to sneak out with help? 

So I flipped it around. Make Levi royal. Make Erwin the sin-eater. Erwin fits into the sin-eater role better, but Levi doesn’t fit royalty, not unless he’s a militaristic king. The plot was complicated before I even started. So I backed off. 

I thought of the current plot a few months ago? And I sent the first chapter to @erwinsalive . She seemed to love it! And it made me happy to know that the world was so interesting to other people. She asked for more details, and I told her some of it. She made this face: ;-; 

That encouraged me to keep writing! I like that face! 

So then, I had to build the world. There were a few choices: How am I going to contain the sin-eaters? Solitary or together? I can put them behind a wall. Putting Erwin behind a wall always leads to something interesting. How are people going to recognize sin-eaters? Gloves with handcuffs built into them? But then when they escape, the gloves would be off. They aren’t going to keep people cuffed while they’re within the wall. I could separate the handcuffs, but eww... how are they going to keep their gloves clean? And it would be too easy to find a tool to remove them. That’s not enough conflict. It has to be more personal than gloves. Piercing? That could work. Levi’s knife work could come in handy if the metal is welded shut. Branding or tattooing? That’s the most traditional way to permanently mark government property, but.... then they would have to flay some of Erwin’s skin. Eww and oww. So let’s go piercing. Around the mouth area for the symbolism. Lips or tongue? Tongue. Then, if he pretends to be mute, he can hide in plain sight for a while. And also tongues... they’re great. A tongue bar with pieces that are gauged higher on either end. Then, you either have to cut the bar or cut the tongue. Done! 

Setting: Levi owns a tea shop with his Mom (dreams do come true), Fatal Sporadic Insomnia kills Kuchel (because those Ackermans don’t sleep well due to nighttime royal guard duty, and everyone knows it), Levi has to buy a sin-eater. The sin-eater is Erwin. Erwin feels guilty for even being himself. His emotionally tortured state fits into this skin. 

What about the sin-eater culture? Is Erwin’s going to have to eat his dad’s.... ugh! No, I can’t do that. It’s too sad. It’s too traumatic. I’ll never get him to rebel if I do that. I grossed myself out again.

How is sin-eating going to affect Erwin physically? In The Picture of Dorian Gray, the picture took all of Dorian Gray’s sins (a type of inanimate sin-eater), and the portrait was hideous by the end of the book. Will sin-eaters be affected? Will Erwin die young because he’s full of the sins of humanity? ..... I can’t do that. It hurt too much in canon. I’m not going to do that. He’s beautiful and healthy.

Therefore, sin-eaters aren’t real. They are a collection of unfortunate descendants of humans (immigrants) who were scammed by the government. “Eat sins for our people, and we’ll take care of you.” Over one hundred years later: “You’re fucking disgusting, and you are easily replaced and less than human. You will remain quarantined. The food we give you is now overpriced. We’ve just increased your taxes again.” 

And when I tell the story from Erwin’s point of view, you’ll see what sparked the fire of rebellion. I’m excited to write it. 

Thank you again for the wonderful question! I love talking about the writing process. I hope you find this, qveertrash! Thank you for your support! 

[eddycurrents]

For the week of 10 December 2018

Quick Bits:

Astonisher #13 adds Ryan O’Sullivan to the writer’s chair alongside Priest as this arc takes an interesting turn. The idea of the red parasite that’s been haranguing the planet since the first issue being fractured and confused pretty much turns the first twelve issues upside down if it’s indeed true. Great art from Al Barrionuevo, Rodney Ramos, Matt Banning, and Jamie Grant.

| Published by Lion Forge / Catalyst Prime

Avengers #11 takes a very different approach than the first ten issues or so as Jason Aaron throws more plot developments at us than Ursus Major hurls insults. It’s interesting as it works through the building problems with the US government, attempts at building a coalition of nations assisting the Avengers, Thor and Jennifer Walters’ date, and the surprise heel turn of a once deceased SHIELD agent. All with wonderful art from Ed McGuinness, Cory Smith, Mark Morales, Scott Hanna, Karl Kesel, and Erick Arciniega.

| Published by Marvel

Batman Annual #3 features a very sweet story from Tom Taylor, Otto Schmidt, and Troy Peteri that focuses on Alfred and all that he sacrifices and takes on himself in order to ensure Bruce can continue in his chosen vocation. The art from Schmidt is perfect and the heart and soul, complete with some very nice humour, that Taylor instills in the dialogue and narration are a very welcome change of pace from some of the grim and gritty takes on Batman. I think we need more Batman stories like this.

| Published by DC Comics

The Batman Who Laughs #1 is an interesting counterpoint to the Batman Annual, with a tale of body trafficking, alternate Batmen, and death from Scott Snyder, Jock, David Baron, and Sal Cipriano. It’s dour, bleak, and even more violent, even with corny insurance jokes. I can’t say it’s bad, though, the mystery is interesting, the art is wonderful, and there’s one hell of a cliffhanger, but it is dark.

| Published by DC Comics

Bitter Root #2 features some amazing artwork from Sanford Greene and Rico Renzi. The designs for the monsters, Jinoo or otherwise, are amazing and the feel of the colours, purples and greens, just bathe the story in an otherworldly glow.

| Published by Image

Black Panther #7 begins Book 2, “The Gathering of My Name”, with Kev Walker and Stéphane Paitreau joining Ta-Nehisi Coates and Joe Sabino to provide the art for this story. It’s a little more focused than the first arc, delivering a solid plan for the rebels to reclaim their identities.

| Published by Marvel

Captain Ginger #2 keeps things purring along as the Captain and Ramscoop leave off to follow a signal that they hope will bring them to another ship of cats. Then everything goes to hell aboard the mothership. Love the artwork from June Brigham, Roy Richardson, and Veronica Gandini. There’s also the usual prose pieces and a Hashtag: Danger back-up comic to round out the issue. “Company Policy Regarding Eel” from Mark Russell with a spot illustration from Ryan Kelly is particularly humorous.

| Published by Ahoy

Champions #27 concludes the Weirdworld arc and this volume of the series with the power of friendship. It’s actually a pretty good character arc for the former Nova and some neat stuff you wouldn’t necessarily have expected from Viv. Amazing art and designs from Max Dunbar and Nolan Woodard.

| Published by Marvel

Daughters of the Dragon #2 continues this digital original with a slightly different approach from the others, presenting an overarching story, but within that Jed MacKay is breaking it down into discrete two-part arcs. It works fairly well, giving some very entertaining action stories. The art for these two parts is handled by Joey Vasquez, Craig Yeung, Rain Beredo, and Jordan Gibson and it looks pretty good. There’s some really nice composition in the final confrontation.

| Published by Marvel

Dead Kings #2 is not quite as immediately bleak as Crude was, but it’s pretty close, with Steve Orlando revisiting some similar themes of regret and responsibility in Russia here. This is obviously more fantastical, blending fable and technology in a post-apocalyptic Thrice-Nine, with wonderfully dark art from Matthew Dow Smith and Lauren Affe to bring life to this slowly dying world.

| Published by AfterShock

Detective Comics #994 begins “Mythology” from the new creative team of Peter J. Tomasi, Doug Mahnke, Jaime Mendoza, David Baron, and Rob Leigh and it’s pretty damn good. It feels great to actually see some detective work in Detective Comics and the mystery of why someone would go to the lengths to stage a pair of murder victims to look like Bruce’s parents is intriguing. The art from Mahnke, Mendoza, and Baron is also wonderful. Mahnke’s style is actually fairly restrained here compared to what I’ve been used to, which when combined with this particular blue from Baron, reminds me more of the Batman of yesteryear and the works of Neal Adams, Jim Aparo, Norm Breyfogle, Marshall Rogers.

| Published by DC Comics

Doctor Strange: The Best Defense #1 continues this very interesting crossover event. Gerry Duggan, Greg Smallwood, and Cory Petit deliver a wonderful “Old Sorcerer Stephen” or “Doctor Strange: The End” type tale with Strange being almost the sole wanderer in a world where Dormammu and his spawn have conquered the Earth. It’s bleak, horrifying, and beautifully illustrated by Smallwood. It’s also interesting in how it ultimately dovetails the rest of the event. Although it definitely can be enjoyed on its own, this one gives a couple answers to the broader picture of what’s going on.

| Published by Marvel

Dragon Age: Deception #3 concludes with everyone hating everyone else, more or less, and an interesting revelation about the Magister everyone was so incensed about meeting, killing, and/or stealing from. Interesting new developments regarding the Qunari incursion of Tevinter as well. Great art from Fernando Heinz Furukawa and Michael Atiyeh.

| Published by Dark Horse

Electric Warriors #2 gets into the battles between warriors and the mechanics of those battles, what transfers to whom depending on challenge, as an alternate to war. It’s interesting enough on the surface, but Steve Orlando definitely seems to be building something bigger. Great art again from Travel Foreman and Hi-Fi. The designs for the characters are truly amazing.

| Published by DC Comics

The Empty Man #2 pushes the insanity caused by the disease even further. I’m not sure what’s more horrifying, the actions caused by the effects of the disease or the cult popping up around it. Cullen Bunn, Jesús Hervás, Niko Guardia, and Ed Dukeshire are delivering a fairly visceral, thoroughly brutal, horror tale here.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

Fearscape #3 endeavours to make you hate the series protagonist, Henry Henry, even more than you already probably do with heinous act after heinous act. It is incredible as to how thoroughly unlikable Ryan O’Sullivan has managed to make him that at this point you kind of just want to see him torn apart by pedantic, pretentious literary critics literally.

| Published by Vault

The Flash #60 gives us more details on Fuerza, the new Strength Force user, and her plight against a corrupt police force in Corto Maltese. Joshua Williamson is definitely making these new characters interestingly complicated while Flash tries to understand the new forces. Great art from Rafa Sandoval, Jordi Tarragona, Tomeu Morey, and Hi-Fi.

| Published by DC Comics

Hawkman #7 brings Hawkman a new origin, and a new reason for being, from Robert Venditti, Bryan Hitch, Andrew Currie, Jeremiah Skipper, and Richard Starkings & Comicraft. This new origin nicely builds on Hawkman’s complicated legacy, not invalidating anything, but enhancing why he keeps being reborn in different places, different eras, and gives him a purpose that’s often been lacking in some of his reboots. Great work.

| Published by DC Comics

Hellboy Winter Special 2018 has a trio of tales, each of them spotlighting a different era. The first is a wonderful traditional Hellboy short from Mike Mignola, Ben Stenbeck, and Dave Stewart of a seance gone horribly wrong as they also seem to. The second builds on the vampire mythology from the BPRD: 1946-1948 series amidst superstitious villagers fearing for their crops from Gabriel Bá, Fábio Moon, and Dave Stewart. And finally a Lobster Johnson tale from Tonči Zonjić of criminals trying to pass off their handiwork as the Claw of Justice. All three stories are very well done, gorgeous art all throughout.

| Published by Dark Horse

Infinite Dark #3 reveals the plans, more or less, that Alvin and Kirin put in place to destroy the station. It’s terrifying, and its source possibly more so. It does kind of make me wonder why people are being driven mad at its reality, though.

| Published by Image / Top Cow

Infinity Wars: Ghost Panther #2 concludes this mini, the last of the Infinity Warps. Absolutely stunning artwork from Jefte Palo and Jim Campbell. 

| Published by Marvel

Justice League Dark #6 concludes the Myrra arc as James Tynion IV waxes philosophically through Bobo and Diana about guilt and responsibility, even as the nightmares at the gate get even closer elsewhere. The art from Daniel Sampere, Juan Albarran, and Adriano Lucas is really damn good.

| Published by DC Comics

Magic: The Gathering - Chandra #1 features some very impressive art from Harvey Tolibao, Joana Lafuente, and Tristan Jurolan. Nice detail, character designs, and beautiful colours.

| Published by IDW

The Magic Order #5 delivers one hell of a twist in this penultimate chapter. Also, very inventive methods of torture. Drop dead gorgeous artwork from Olivier Coipel and Dave Stewart.

| Published by Image

Miles Morales: Spider-Man #1 is a great debut from Saladin Ahmed, Javier Garrón, David Curiel, and Cory Petit. This first issue mainly gets us back up to speed on Miles’ life and supporting cast, introducing and reintroducing the characters and his connections, largely giving narration through his journal, integrating an exercise from his classes to convey the narrative. We get a robbery and a confrontation with the Rhino that sets up the hook for a larger plot and mystery. The art from Garrón and Curiel is gorgeous.

| Published by Marvel

Oblivion Song #10 is insane. Another bit of Philadelphia has been popped off into Oblivion by the less stable of the Cole brothers and this issue is the resulting chaos. I’m still very impressed with how Robert Kirkman, Lorenzo De Felici, Annalisa Leoni, and Rus Wooton are constantly throwing this book into upheaval, with practically every issue giving a new revelation or upending the status quo. This is just great.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Outer Darkness #2 follows up an entertaining first issue with an outstanding second issue, introducing us to much of the crew and more explicitly the types of horrors that they’re going to encounter in space. John Layman, Afu Chan, and Pat Brosseau have something fairly unique here, with the humour just putting it over the top.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man #313 brings this battle with Morlun to an end and with it this series. It’s been a decent tie-in to Spider-Geddon from Sean Ryan, Juan Frigeri, Jason Keith, and Travis Lanham, but it is basically a three issue fight scene designed to keep Peter away from the main plot of the event.

| Published by Marvel

Red Sonja Holiday Special has a fairly entertaining lead story of Sonja learning about Christmas and then becoming embroiled in some weird witness shakedown from Amy Chu, Erik Burnham, Ricardo Jamie, Omi Remalante Jr., and Taylor Esposito. There’s also a classic reprint story from Roy Thomas, Frank Thorne, and Mike Kelleher.

| Published by Dynamite

Redlands #9 continues this arc’s structure of beginning with a flashback, this time giving us a hint of what Casper did before he was indentured to the sisters. This one’s a little light on pushing the narrative ahead very far, but very high on building more atmosphere, and developing a potential new problem for Laurent.

| Published by Image

Shadowman #10 has some really great art from Renato Guedes, Eric Battle, and Ulises Arreola. The trade off of sequences for Jack’s confrontation with Sandria Darque and then the flashbacks between Guedes and Battle is very nice, giving a unique feel to both.

| Published by Valiant

Silver Surfer: The Best Defense #1 has some oblique ties to the rest of “The Best Defense” crossover, mentioning whatever this “train” is, but like the others of these first four parts features a largely independent character study. Jason Latour and Clayton Cowles present a twist on a traditional Silver Surfer morality tale by making it a game between the Surfer and Galactus. Beautifully illustrated, tapping into some of the weirdness of Marvel’s cosmic.

| Published by Marvel

Spider-Gwen: Ghost Spider #3 has Gwen and MJ work out where the Green Goblin’s hideout is with the assistance of this world’s Glory and Betty. This has been an interesting first arc and tie-in to Spider-Geddon from Seanan McGuire, Rosi Kämpe, Ian Herring, and Clayton Cowles.

| Published by Marvel

Star Trek: Waypoint Special #1 is more than worth it just for “My Human is Not” by Jackson Lanzing, Collin Kelly, Sonny Liew, and Neil Uyetake. It’s an adorable story from the point of view of Spot, beautifully illustrated by Liew. The other three stories in this special also aren’t too shabby, but you’ll want to buy this one for the tabby.

| Published by IDW

Star Wars: Age of Republic - Darth Maul #1 continues this series of one-shots with a spotlight on everyone’s favourite horny Sith Lord from Jody Houser, Luke Ross, Java Tartaglia, and Travis Lanham. The art from Ross and Tartaglia is wonderful. The layouts for many of the action sequences are particularly impressive, knocking things off-kilter to evoke the kind of chaotic fighting style of Maul.

| Published by Marvel

Supergirl #25 goes home to Krypton in the lead story from Marc Andreyko, Emanuela Lupacchino, Ray McCarthy, Lan Medina, Sean Parsons, FCO Plascencia, and Tom Napolitano. It takes Kara’s quest into another different direction, adding another possible impediment in finding everyone and everything that aided in the destruction of Krypton. There are also a couple of back-ups, one fleshing out Dr. Z’ndr Kol and the other a sweet Christmas story.

| Published by DC Comics

Superman #6 has some absolutely stunning spreads from Ivan Reis, Joe Prado, Oclair Albert, and Alex Sinclair. The battle between Rogol Zaar and Superman & Zod is incredible, probably some of the best pages I’ve ever seen from Reis. The narration by Superman from Brian Michael Bendis is also interesting as he waxes philosophical about his speed and fighting side by side with Zod. What is less magical is the ending. Superman leaving Zod, even with pressing concerns elsewhere, feels wrong. I don’t know if it’s intentionally a bad decision on Superman’s part that will be addressed, or if it’s just a bad decision from Bendis. It just doesn’t feel like what Superman would do. Otherwise, this is a pretty great issue.

| Published by DC Comics

Titans #31 adds Kyle Rayner to the team as Donna Troy officially takes the lead and a number of the simmering sub-plots converge to kick off a new adventure. Great art from Clayton Henry, Brent Peeples, Dexter Vines, and Marcelo Maiolo.

| Published by DC Comics

Vampirella vs. Reanimator #1 is a damn good start to this mini from Cullen Bunn, Blacky Shepherd, and Taylor Esposito. The art from Shepherd is very impressive. I love the choice to present the story almost entirely in grey tones with spot colours for red and a little bit of sickly yellow, it really makes the art stand out.

| Published by Dynamite

William Gibson’s Alien 3 #2 continues this excellent adaptation of Gibson’s unproduced screenplay by Johnnie Christmas, Tamra Bonvillain, and Nate Piekos. The political aspect and veritable cold war are very interesting additions to the Alien lore.

| Published by Dark Horse

Wonder Woman #60 turns the screw a bit with some unexpected developments for Ares. I’m really liking the art from Cary Nord, Mick Gray, and Romulo Fajardo Jr. While definitely partially the influence of Gray’s inking, Nord’s presenting a somewhat looser, more angular style that reminds me a bit of Frank Miller and Phil Hester which really works for the chaotic and bellicose story.

| Published by DC Comics

Other Highlights: Accell #16, Amazing Spider-Man #11, Animosity: Evolution #9, Asgardians of the Galaxy #4, Auntie Agatha’s Home for Wayward Rabbits #2, Battlestar Galactica Classic #2, Birthright #34, Black Hammer: Cthu-Louise, The Black Order #2, By Night #6, Cemetery Beach #4, DuckTales #14, Elephantmen 2261 Holiday Special, Fantastic Four Wedding Special #1, From Hell Master Edition #2, Giant Days #45, Go Go Power Rangers #15, God of War #2, Goddess Mode #1, Head Lopper #10, Hit-Girl #11, House of Whispers #4, James Bond: Origin #4, Jim Henson’s Beneath the Dark Crystal #5, Joe Golem: The Drowning City #4, The Lone Ranger #3, Mage: The Hero Denied #14, Murder Falcon #3, New Talent Showcase 2018 #1, Patience! Conviction! Revenge! #4, Planet of the Apes: The Simian Age #1, The Quantum Age #5, Red Sonja/Tarzan #6, Rose #15, Sasquatch Detective #1, Sleepless #10, Smooth Criminals #2, Spider-Force #3, Spider-Girls #3, Star Wars: Doctor Aphra #27, Star Wars: Han Solo - Imperial Cadet #1, TMNT: Macro-Series #4: Raphael, Typhoid Fever: Iron Fist #1, The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl #39, The Unstoppable Wasp #3, Vampironica #5, War Bears #3, The Wasted Space Holiday Special #1

Recommended Collections: Amazing Spider-Man - Volume 9, Black Crown Omnibus - Volume 1, Blackwood, Britannia - Volume 3: Lost Eagles of Rome, Cloak and Dagger: Shades of Grey, Curse of Brimstone - Volume 1: Inferno, Fear Agent: Final Edition - Volume 4, Giant Days: Early Registration, Go Go Power Rangers - Volume 2, Hillbilly - Volume 3, Ice Cream Man - Volume 2: Strange Neapolitan, Judge Dredd: Under Siege, Scarlet - Book 2, Star Wars - Volume 9: Hope Dies

d. emerson eddy would like to take a moment to finally admit...”I’m Batman”.

[othersportsnews-blog]

New Jersey Devils rookie Nico Hischier wants to be the next Pavel Datsyuk

New Post has been published on https://othersportsnews.com/new-jersey-devils-rookie-nico-hischier-wants-to-be-the-next-pavel-datsyuk/

New Jersey Devils rookie Nico Hischier wants to be the next Pavel Datsyuk

NEWARK, N.J. — Besides being a shrewd judge of talent and a superb deal maker, Lou Lamoriello also happened to be superstitious when he was the general manager of the New Jersey Devils. For example, Lamoriello prohibited any Devils player from wearing No. 13. Why tempt fate?

When center Mike Cammalleri arrived in New Jersey three years ago, he wanted to wear No. 13, as he had for most of his career. But Lamoriello scuttled that idea, and Cammalleri wore No. 23 — until Ray Shero replaced Lamoriello a year later and said Cammalleri could wear No. 13.

But Cammalleri signed recently as a free agent with the Los Angeles Kings, freeing up the number for Nico Hischier, the 18-year-old center from Switzerland whom the Devils selected with the No. 1 overall pick in June. Hischier has worn No. 13 because it represents skill to him, not luck.

Hischier’s favorite hockey player, and the player he thinks he most resembles on the ice, is Pavel Datsyuk, the 38-year-old legendary left-handed center who played for the Detroit Red Wings for 14 years before joining St. Petersburg SKA in the Kontinental Hockey League last season.

Hischier wears No. 13 because Datsyuk wore No. 13. The Devils will decide later whether Hischier will become only the second player in the team’s 35-year history to wear No. 13, but even if he is assigned another number, Hischier said he plans to keep playing like Datsyuk.

“I just really like his game,” Hischier said at the Devils’ development camp last week. “It’s just his two-way game — he’s one of the best defensive centers, and offensively, he’s pretty good, too. I try to be a center like Datsyuk.”

Datsyuk would be a good role model for anyone. He was named one of the 100 greatest players in the 100-year history of the NHL, winning the Selke Trophy as the league’s top defensive forward three times and helping the Red Wings win the Stanley Cup twice.

Troy Dumville of NHL Central Scouting regularly watched Hischier play last season for the Halifax Mooseheads of the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League, and told ESPN.com in an email that “Nico is as complete a player as I have seen in the Q.”

Although Dumville said Hischier first reminded him of Washington Capitals center Nicklas Backstrom, he added, “For him to compare himself to Datsyuk is fitting, since he plays a very strong two-way game. He’s hard to knock off the puck and protects it well. He has great offensive instincts and makes players around him better. He has high hockey IQ.”

But there is apparently much more. Hischier, who at 6 feet, 176 pounds is an inch taller and 18 pounds lighter than Datsyuk was in his NHL playing days, scored 38 goals in 57 games for the Mooseheads, helping them make the QMJHL playoffs a year after the team failed to qualify.

But Hischier also had 48 assists for the Mooseheads in the regular season. He had five game-winning goals, 11 power-play goals and three short-handed goals. He had a team-best plus-20, and he was penalized only 24 minutes all season. Similarly, Datsyuk won the Lady Byng as most gentlemanly player four times in his career.

Hobby’s Deli near the Prudential Center has a new sandwich: The New Nico (hash): Grilled chicken, authentic Swiss cheese, red Jersey tomatoes with lettuce, onions, honey mustard and mayo on roll. AP Photo/Seth Wenig

“[Hischier] was always the first one on the ice, trying to work on offense and defense. He was a good guy, too — everybody in the room liked him,” said Jocktan Chainey, a Mooseheads defenseman from Asbestos, Quebec, whom the Devils selected in the seventh round and who also participated in the Devils’ developmental camp.

“He has everything to be a really good player,” Chainey said. “He’s like a complete player — even his defense is really good. He also takes care of the boys. If we have supper or something together, he invites everybody.”

Hischier’s father, Rino, played professional soccer in Switzerland, and his mother, Katja, was a swimmer. His older brother, Luca, plays professional hockey in Switzerland, and his older sister, Nina, played volleyball at a high level. Nico played several sports as a youngster.

Shero has said the Devils selected Hischier mostly because of his talent and potential, calling him “another building block” and a “great fit for us,” but it has become apparent Shero liked him personally. Hischier is smart, friendly and polite. His English is nearly perfect.

Shero has tried publicly not to compare Hischier with Nolan Patrick, whom Shero said he also seriously considered. Patrick, a 6-foot-2, 200-pound center, was projected earlier in the season as the potential No. 1 but was taken second overall by the Philadelphia Flyers. But Shero has made it clear that he thinks Hischier’s speed and attentiveness to defense made him an ideal fit for the Devils, who are looking to become faster. Shero also had a five-hour lunch in Switzerland before the draft with Hischier, who is much more outgoing and talkative than Patrick.

The Devils have not made the Stanley Cup playoffs since they lost to the Kings in the 2012 Stanley Cup Final, and the team is still attempting to become younger and faster. Hischier helps in both ways, of course, but he also understands that the team might take some more lumps.

“He has a tremendous personality; he has a passion for the game,” said John Hynes, who will enter his third season as Devils coach. “When we did an investigation with his family and with Nico, it was really important for us not just to be able to find the right player, but the right person. … Those are the people you want to have in the organization, the type of people you want to have to help drive the return to greatness.”

Devils goaltender Cory Schneider said at the development camp of Hischier: “He seems like a pretty mature and polished kid for an 18-year-old. I know I wasn’t that way, but these kids today, they come in more ready than ever.”

Later, Schneider added, “I think that’s the key, the veteran group. It’s up to us to make sure that he doesn’t feel that much pressure, or that he’s got to be The Guy from day one. Hopefully we can do that and let him be the player that he is, because by all accounts, he’s an incredible talent.”

As Nico Hischier is discovering, being taken No. 1 in the NHL Draft has its perks.

The New Jersey Devils have signed No. 1 overall pick Nico Hischier to the maximum three-year, entry-level contract for salary and performance bonuses.

Ilya Kovalchuk officially signed his deal to return to the KHL and said playing for Russia in the Olympics was a factor in his decision not to return to the NHL.

2 Related

Hischier said he was honored to become the first player from Switzerland selected first overall in the draft. Because Switzerland is not as populous and is a smaller hockey outpost than the U.S. or Canada, he has been asked to contribute more, and sooner, for his country’s teams in international competitions.

Gilles Senn, a 21-year-old goaltender from Saas-Almagell, Switzerland, who played for Davos in the top level of Swiss professional hockey, remembers being impressed simply that Hischier joined the Swiss under-20 national team last year as a 17-year-old.

“He’d already scored many goals,” Senn said. “He’s also got his mind on defense. He’s not going to forget about it. He also does the dirty work.

“And he’s funny,” added Senn, who was also at the Devils’ developmental camp. “When we met each other at the airport, it was the first time we’d seen each other for a while, and he was just really open, really easy to talk to.”

Though the Devils say they are holding a roster spot open for him — he signed a three-year entry-level contract for the maximum $925,000 on Saturday — Hischier said he still must earn a Devils jersey, no matter what number is on the back. He acknowledges that wearing No. 13, which he did in Halifax, is not the same as playing like his favorite No. 13.

“I know what I can do, but I still know I have to work hard for it,” Hischier said.

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[viralhottopics]

13 Awesome Shows and Movies Coming to Netflix in February

For the superstitious folks out there, 13 is an unlucky number. But for the more rational Netflix viewer, its a very fortuitous figure indeed: It’s the total number of must-watch movies and TV shows coming to the streaming service next month.

So what good fortune hath Netflix brought? Well, weve got President-Trump-approved movies about forgetful fish, a wonderful documentary about drag culture in 1980s New York, and a charming Channing Tatum dancing for his dinner. Are you trying to tell us you dont want to get lucky with Magic Mike? No, of course youre not. Heres everything you should plan on watching on Netflix in February.

February 1

Contact (1997)

Based on the work of Carl Sagan, Contact is about what happens when a young scientist (Jodie Foster) picks up an alien message and then has to be the voice of reason once all the government suits get involved. Its like Arrival, but without all the arriving. Want to see a different woman stress the importance of communication and diplomacy in the face of paranoia? This movie is for you.

Based on the work of Carl Sagan, Contact is about what happens when a young scientist (Jodie Foster) picks up an alien message and then has to be the voice of reason once all the government suits get involved. Its like Arrival, but without all the arriving. Want to see a different woman stress the importance of communication and diplomacy in the face of paranoia? This movie is for you.

Finding Dory (2016)

OK, so the sequel wasnt quite as good as Finding Nemo, but dammit Ellen DeGeneres wanted to make one and you all owe it to her to watch it. Whereas forgetful fish Dory (DeGeneres) helped Nemo get home in the first installment, its Nemo and his dad who help Dory find her missing parents in this chapter. Same story (pretty much), same amnesia jokes, same tears. Watch this with a loved one close by.

OK, so the sequel wasnt quite as good as Finding Nemo, but dammit Ellen DeGeneres wanted to make one and you all owe it to her to watch it. Whereas forgetful fish Dory (DeGeneres) helped Nemo get home in the first installment, its Nemo and his dad who help Dory find her missing parents in this chapter. Same story (pretty much), same amnesia jokes, same tears. Watch this with a loved one close by.

Magic Mike (2012)

If you can get past Alex Pettyfer looking as lost on a movie set as the n00b male stripper hes playing does on stage, this hazy-hued Steven Soderbergh flick about an exotic dancer (Channing Tatum) trying to get his furniture business off the ground is gold. Its also a lot smarter than most people give it credit for. If youve never seen it, watch it ASAPyoull never hear“Pony” the same way again.

If you can get past Alex Pettyfer looking as lost on a movie set as the n00b male stripper hes playing does on stage, this hazy-hued Steven Soderbergh flick about an exotic dancer (Channing Tatum) trying to get his furniture business off the ground is gold. Its also a lot smarter than most people give it credit for. If youve never seen it, watch it ASAPyoull never hear“Pony” the same way again.

Paris Is Burning (1990)

If your ears were functioning in 1990, then youve heard “Vogue” by Madonna. What you might not know, though, is where voguing comes from. Brush up with this Jennie Livingston documentary about ball culture in New York in the 1980s. Not only will you learn the real meaning behind “reading” and “throwing shade,” youll also get a harrowing glimpse into a drag scene being deeply impacted by the AIDS epidemic.

If your ears were functioning in 1990, then youve heard “Vogue” by Madonna. What you might not know, though, is where voguing comes from. Brush up with this Jennie Livingston documentary about ball culture in New York in the 1980s. Not only will you learn the real meaning behind “reading” and “throwing shade,” youll also get a harrowing glimpse into a drag scene being deeply impacted by the AIDS epidemic.

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

Granted, this movie will never be as horrifying as it was when we still didnt know what was real and what wasnt, but its still pretty damn scary. Plus its got all the snot-faced crying close-ups you can handle.

Granted, this movie will never be as horrifying as it was when we still didnt know what was real and what wasnt, but its still pretty damn scary. Plus its got all the snot-faced crying close-ups you can handle.

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

Some are Halloween people; others are Christmas folk. Very few are both. Jack Skellington, king of Halloween Town, would like to change that. Can he succeed? Youll have to watch to find out, but rest assured anyone armed with direction from 1990s Tim Burton and music from Danny Elfman has a better shot than most.

Some are Halloween people; others are Christmas folk. Very few are both. Jack Skellington, king of Halloween Town, would like to change that. Can he succeed? Youll have to watch to find out, but rest assured anyone armed with direction from 1990s Tim Burton and music from Danny Elfman has a better shot than most.

February 2

American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson (2016)

Easily one of the best miniseries of last year, Ryan Murphys dramatic recreation of the O.J. Simpson murder trial is just really damn good TV. From Sarah Paulson as Marcia Clark to Courtney B. Vance as Johnnie Cochran, the cast is flawless. Sure, you know how this one ends, but watch it anyway.

Easily one of the best miniseries of last year, Ryan Murphys dramatic recreation of the O.J. Simpson murder trial is just really damn good TV. From Sarah Paulson as Marcia Clark to Courtney B. Vance as Johnnie Cochran, the cast is flawless. Sure, you know how this one ends, but watch it anyway.

February 3

Santa Clarita Diet (2017)

Drew Barrymore is a zombie. If youre not already sold on Netflixs new show, we really dont know what to say to you.

Drew Barrymore is a zombie. If youre not already sold on Netflixs new show, we really dont know what to say to you.

February 4

Superbad (2007)

This movie is funny and all, but at this point its just about watching Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, and Emma Stone when they were super young. (OK, Michael Cera looks pretty much the same now.) Also, the sight gags in this one are top notch.

This movie is funny and all, but at this point its just about watching Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, and Emma Stone when they were super young. (OK, Michael Cera looks pretty much the same now.) Also, the sight gags in this one are top notch.

February 10

Abstract: The Art of Design

What can we say? Were fans of this one.

What can we say? Were fans of this one.

February 11

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Season 2

Rachel Blooms occasionally musical, always hilarious comedy got even better in its second season. Catch up now.

Rachel Blooms occasionally musical, always hilarious comedy got even better in its second season. Catch up now.

February 12

Clouds of Sils Maria (2014)

Want to know why people say Kristen Stewart is a great actress? Skip Twilight, which also hits Netflix this month, and watch this instead. Up againstJuliette Binoche in this Olivier Assayas film, she is measured, confident, and vulnerable all at once. Shes even a little funny. Love, jealousy, and emotional hand-wringing has never looked so inviting.

Want to know why people say Kristen Stewart is a great actress? Skip Twilight, which also hits Netflix this month, and watch this instead. Up againstJuliette Binoche in this Olivier Assayas film, she is measured, confident, and vulnerable all at once. Shes even a little funny. Love, jealousy, and emotional hand-wringing has never looked so inviting.

February 23

Sausage Party (2016)

If you want to get stoned, but dont want to get the munchies, watch this. It has all the humor youre looking for and itll make snacking feel like murder. (How could you possibly eat a hot dog when one is smiling at you right there?)

If you want to get stoned, but dont want to get the munchies, watch this. It has all the humor youre looking for and itll make snacking feel like murder. (How could you possibly eat a hot dog when one is smiling at you right there?)

February 24

I Dont Feel at Home in This World Anymore (2017)

This flick about a young woman (Melanie Lynskey) who gets robbed and decides shes not going to put up with any more crap was one of our favorites at the Sundance Film Festival this year. And now that Netflix rules Sundance, you can stream it just a month after its debut. Whee!

This flick about a young woman (Melanie Lynskey) who gets robbed and decides shes not going to put up with any more crap was one of our favorites at the Sundance Film Festival this year. And now that Netflix rules Sundance, you can stream it just a month after its debut. Whee!

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This movie is for you.", "@id": "https:\/\/http://www.youtube.com\/watch?v=hN4WQYm6KPw", "url": "https:\/\/http://www.wired.com\/2017\/01\/new-netflix-february-2017\/" } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "image": "https:\/\/http://www.youtube.com\/watch?v=3JNLwlcPBPI", "name": "<em>Finding Dory<\/em> (2016)", "description": "OK, so the sequel wasn\u2019t quite as good as Finding Nemo, but dammit Ellen DeGeneres wanted to make one and you all owe it to her to watch it. Whereas forgetful fish Dory (DeGeneres) helped Nemo get home in the first installment, it\u2019s Nemo and his dad who help Dory find her missing parents in this chapter. Same story (pretty much), same amnesia jokes, same tears. Watch this with a loved one close by.", "@id": "https:\/\/http://www.youtube.com\/watch?v=3JNLwlcPBPI", "url": "https:\/\/http://www.wired.com\/2017\/01\/new-netflix-february-2017\/" } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "image": "https:\/\/http://www.youtube.com\/watch?v=j4eqIV-XMnA", "name": "<em>Magic Mike<\/em> (2012)", "description": "If you can get past Alex Pettyfer looking as lost on a movie set as the n00b male stripper he\u2019s playing does on stage, this hazy-hued Steven Soderbergh flick about an exotic dancer (Channing Tatum) trying to get his furniture business off the ground is gold. It\u2019s also a lot smarter than most people give it credit for. If you\u2019ve never seen it, watch it ASAP\u2014you\u2019ll never hear\u00a0\"Pony\" the same way again.", "@id": "https:\/\/http://www.youtube.com\/watch?v=j4eqIV-XMnA", "url": "https:\/\/http://www.wired.com\/2017\/01\/new-netflix-february-2017\/" } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "image": "https:\/\/http://www.youtube.com\/watch?v=78TAbjx43rk", "name": "<em>Paris Is Burning<\/em> (1990)", "description": "If your ears were functioning in 1990, then you\u2019ve heard \"Vogue\" by Madonna. What you might not know, though, is where voguing comes from. Brush up with this Jennie Livingston documentary about ball culture in New York in the 1980s. Not only will you learn the real meaning behind \"reading\" and \"throwing shade,\" you\u2019ll also get a harrowing glimpse into a drag scene being deeply impacted by the AIDS epidemic.", "@id": "https:\/\/http://www.youtube.com\/watch?v=78TAbjx43rk", "url": "https:\/\/http://www.wired.com\/2017\/01\/new-netflix-february-2017\/" } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "item": { "image": "https:\/\/http://www.youtube.com\/watch?v=a_Hw4bAUj8A", "name": "<em>The Blair Witch Project<\/em> (1999) ", "description": "Granted, this movie will never be as horrifying as it was when we still didn\u2019t know what was real and what wasn\u2019t, but it\u2019s still pretty damn scary. Plus it\u2019s got all the snot-faced crying close-ups you can handle.", "@id": "https:\/\/http://www.youtube.com\/watch?v=a_Hw4bAUj8A", "url": "https:\/\/http://www.wired.com\/2017\/01\/new-netflix-february-2017\/" } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "image": "https:\/\/http://www.youtube.com\/watch?v=wr6N_hZyBCk", "name": "<em>The Nightmare Before Christmas<\/em> (1993) ", "description": "Some are Halloween people; others are Christmas folk. Very few are both. Jack Skellington, king of Halloween Town, would like to change that. Can he succeed? You\u2019ll have to watch to find out, but rest assured anyone armed with direction from 1990s Tim Burton and music from Danny Elfman has a better shot than most.", "@id": "https:\/\/http://www.youtube.com\/watch?v=wr6N_hZyBCk", "url": "https:\/\/http://www.wired.com\/2017\/01\/new-netflix-february-2017\/" } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "image": "https:\/\/http://www.youtube.com\/watch?v=nAyn1gDBc7s", "name": "<em>American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson<\/em> (2016)", "description": "Easily one of the best miniseries of last year, Ryan Murphy\u2019s dramatic recreation of the O.J. Simpson murder trial is just really damn good TV. From Sarah Paulson as Marcia Clark to Courtney B. Vance as Johnnie Cochran, the cast is flawless. Sure, you know how this one ends, but watch it anyway.", "@id": "https:\/\/http://www.youtube.com\/watch?v=nAyn1gDBc7s", "url": "https:\/\/http://www.wired.com\/2017\/01\/new-netflix-february-2017\/" } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "image": "https:\/\/http://www.youtube.com\/watch?v=xjRnbOgoAUQ", "name": "<em>Santa Clarita Diet<\/em> (2017) ", "description": "Drew Barrymore is a zombie. If you\u2019re not already sold on Netflix\u2019s new show, we really don\u2019t know what to say to you.", "@id": "https:\/\/http://www.youtube.com\/watch?v=xjRnbOgoAUQ", "url": "https:\/\/http://www.wired.com\/2017\/01\/new-netflix-february-2017\/" } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "image": "https:\/\/http://www.youtube.com\/watch?v=q3UFV1in5Qk", "name": "<em>Superbad<\/em> (2007)", "description": "This movie is funny and all, but at this point it\u2019s just about watching Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, and Emma Stone when they were super young. (OK, Michael Cera looks pretty much the same now.) Also, the sight gags in this one are top notch.", "@id": "https:\/\/http://www.youtube.com\/watch?v=q3UFV1in5Qk", "url": "https:\/\/http://www.wired.com\/2017\/01\/new-netflix-february-2017\/" } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "image": "https:\/\/http://www.youtube.com\/watch?v=DYaq2sWTWAA", "name": "<em>Abstract: The Art of Design<\/em>", "description": "What can we say? We\u2019re fans of this one.", "@id": "https:\/\/http://www.youtube.com\/watch?v=DYaq2sWTWAA", "url": "https:\/\/http://www.wired.com\/2017\/01\/new-netflix-february-2017\/" } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "image": "https:\/\/youtu.be\/fXc7p3d8THs", "name": "<em>Crazy Ex-Girlfriend<\/em>: Season 2", "description": "Rachel Bloom\u2019s occasionally musical, always hilarious comedy got even better in its second season. Catch up now.", "@id": "https:\/\/youtu.be\/fXc7p3d8THs", "url": "https:\/\/http://www.wired.com\/2017\/01\/new-netflix-february-2017\/" } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "image": "https:\/\/http://www.youtube.com\/watch?v=PbVHlm7RcDs", "name": "<em>Clouds of Sils Maria<\/em> (2014) ", "description": "Want to know why people say Kristen Stewart is a great actress? Skip Twilight, which also hits Netflix this month, and watch this instead. Up against\u00a0Juliette Binoche in this Olivier Assayas film, she is measured, confident, and vulnerable all at once. She\u2019s even a little funny. Love, jealousy, and emotional hand-wringing has never looked so inviting.", "@id": "https:\/\/http://www.youtube.com\/watch?v=PbVHlm7RcDs", "url": "https:\/\/http://www.wired.com\/2017\/01\/new-netflix-february-2017\/" } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "image": "https:\/\/http://www.youtube.com\/watch?v=c7fP9q_LyDc", "name": "<em>Sausage Party<\/em> (2016)", "description": "If you want to get stoned, but don\u2019t want to get the munchies, watch this. It has all the humor you\u2019re looking for and it\u2019ll make snacking feel like murder. (How could you possibly eat a hot dog when one is smiling at you right there?)", "@id": "https:\/\/http://www.youtube.com\/watch?v=c7fP9q_LyDc", "url": "https:\/\/http://www.wired.com\/2017\/01\/new-netflix-february-2017\/" } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "image": "https:\/\/http://www.wired.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/IDontFeelAtHomeHP.jpg", "name": "<em>I Don\u2019t Feel at Home in This World Anymore<\/em> (2017)", "description": "This flick about a young woman (Melanie Lynskey) who gets robbed and decides she\u2019s not going to put up with any more crap was one of our favorites at the Sundance Film Festival this year. And now that Netflix rules Sundance, you can stream it just a month after its debut. Whee!", "@id": "https:\/\/http://www.wired.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/IDontFeelAtHomeHP.jpg", "url": "https:\/\/http://www.wired.com\/2017\/01\/new-netflix-february-2017\/" } } ], "name": "13 Awesome Shows and Movies Coming to Netflix in February" }</\em>\em>\em>\em>\em>\em>\em>\em>\em>\em>\em>\em>\em>\em>

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