#and maybe it did but maybe it wasnt as bad as i thought
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i was thinking my best friend was mad at me but she still hasn't answered me which isn't typical and so now im worried even more bc either she is more mad at me than she's ever been, she isnt but is just choosing to not answer which is hurtful, or worst case something is wrong... and normally id text her asking if shes ok but what if she is mad and wants space, i dont want to not allow her that. but i also dont want to not follow up in case something is wrong bc historically i have not been told when she's been in trouble. her parents dont tell me, my ex best friend wouldnt, and her bf doesnt even know me. so im just feeling like im in limbo and idk what to do or think. i think i will eventually text her and just try to communicate that im making sure shes ok and if she is but just doesnt want to talk, thats fine. but to just let me know.
#and like im genuinely bad at gauging whether ive hurt someones feelings#especially over text/online#theres been a ton of times i've thought i fucked up and then it turns out she didnt even think that#so im also like... am i imagining that i did something really shitty?#i forgot her bday by a week and then asked her a kind of self indulgent question before i remembered#so i figured it came off tone deaf and insensitive#and maybe it did but maybe it wasnt as bad as i thought#idk im worried and it sucks bc yeah idk if id find out if anyone was wrong...#ill wait a little longer and then text her i think
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ppl who are “charles fans” but are ashamed of comic charles are just scared of liking morally dubious characters like i promise you’ll live it’s alright❤️ your fav can suck and you can still like them whilst not defending their every action!
six decades of different stories and different writers your fave making cringe decisions will be inevitable you just gotta have fun with it
#snap chats#see i could never hate a chara just cause the writers had them do something bad that's just silly#i mean YOU could if you want i wont tell you how to enjoy fiction .. i can only speak for me ...#like you just gotta be funny with it idk ... sometimes villain shit is so absurd its funny idk ..#other times its just interesting to think of the thought process esp with a chara like charles who's propped up to be virtuous#so when he does things that go against that model its like Woah .... Curious ...#very interesting ..... i love pondering the morals ethics thoughts and actions of fictional characters ...#also the times where he does get to be The Kind School Teacher/Father Figure .. i do a lil jump and a spin and a twirl ...#but what do i know. maybe i just havent read The Worst Of Charles Xavier yet#yet....... i need a highlight reel of his worst moments#i heard Dead Genesis was one of his worst moments and i did think of buying that run#but i also heard people say it wasnt even that good from a writing standpoint overall ... maybe ill just read it online then ...#SHRUG anyways. moving on.
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#i walked into a situation today where my mom was effectively already dead. effectively bc her body was and is still alive. still breathing#painful groaning purrs. but her mind was gone yesterday. my dad said he showed her a picture of the mountains i took that day and told her#i loved her and she smiled. thats what he said. maybe he was just being nice. or maybe thats the last time she thought of me. i dunno. but#the human body is an incredible thing. shes got a heart still powering a broken body. too full of tumors to function anymore. stomach#streched like a pregnant mother. it happed really fast and now its happening very slow#im somehow probably better off than the rest of them. i only got here for the aftermath of a downslide. my daily life will b least effected#i only really saw her twice a year living so far away and she didnt text much. didnt call often. so life wont change much ill just kno shes#not there. which is sad. but theres nothing to b done abt it. life goes on. it hasnt been all bad tho. its nice to talk to my family abt her#how incredible she was. bc she was. wish her mom wasnt here tho. she doesn't deserve to b here. my mom wouldnt want her here. she didnt want#her here. but anyway. i wish her body would just let her go now. so we can sleep. so this can be over. so she can rest#but even like this shes stubborn and resilient. they say it could go on for days but i hope not. may the universe let her rest shes gotta b#so tired after 10 years of this. but i have no regrets. she knew how i felt abt her. and i dont think she had regrets either. she did so#much up to the very end. went out on a high note without the burdon of knowing it was coming#i dunno. its just such a strange experience to watch the empty shell of your mother sleeping like a gurgling baby#unrelated
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i do wish i was better at communicating with people online and through technology. i wander into conversations and make new ones all the time irl with random people and its fun but im like hyping myself to type out a single response to a Post. and to say nothing of how difficult it is to get me to say something in a discord server
#or even video or audio calls are becoming hard for me rn. i used to be better at this#i used to be sooo good at talking to people online. maybe. or maybe not actually#now that i think about it ive always been a little outside of everything in both irl and online communities ive been in#you know i was part of the mods for a deviantart species a long time ago. i was pretty bad at my job i was always too slow to actually mod#and one day i came home from school and like the entire modbase imploded because of drama on a discord or smth they had that i wasnt in LOL#tbh i was a bit older than all of them and busy with final year of highschool stuff so i wasnt super present. i think they just had me on#because while i wasnt particularly popular as an artist i did have some eyecatching polish on my art. but it was wild i was like#whats going on. who are you people. where am i. i have to apply to ouac rn i dont know whats happening#wait random ass deviantart drama i was vaguely adjacent to but still dont really know what happened aside. i would like to chat more#i think the easiest way to converse with me is commenting on my posts like theyre forum threads. or dming me. sometimes#im so bad with group chats. especially if they have multiple channels. the only group chat ive stuck with is a tiny one with like#two other friends and we just write thoughts and about our day and pictures of animals and whatever#i get confused and scared in discords. i get so confused and scared#i used to be okay with discord calls but even with that ive been struggling. am i scared of the computer#am i scared of the computer. the machine. whats happening
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wow you guys weren't lying about about restoration being weird and kinda bad
#red vs blue#rvb19 spoilers#rvb restoration spoilers#that was strange...#why did they do that#im not a complete hater. it was fun to watch but didnt feel like an ending at all...#the pacing was soooo strange... why did they spend so long on an extended zoom joke#and then kill doc off in like one sentence and have carolina on screen for about 2 seconds.... guys what were you thinking!!!#really funny that south is in wash's little memory line up. buddy you killed her#tex coming back was a veeery good decsion though i enjoyed that alot#dare i say the tex scene was the only part that felt well thought out and in character to me... okay maybe i am a hater#also i was soooo excited when i heard about the niner cameo but was disapionted abt her va changing#new va wasnt bad but lee eddy 497er will always be famous to me#anyway just soooo many weird choices#⚔️
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some people will be all about mental health awareness and leftist ideals of at least tolerating the mentally ill who show ''ugly'' symptoms until it's someone they know and ''care'' about having a bad day and acting like it in a way they don't find appealing
#[temporary text post tag]#vagueing about irls#everybodys your friend until one time youre too tired to act right after getting yelled at first thing in the morning#worst thing is i trusted her enough to tell her shit none of my other friends know about#liek i genuinely believed we were friends and i wasnt just an accessory so she wouldnt feel lonely and could vent to someone about whatever#now im really wondering if all the shit she told me about other people was real or if she just ditched them as well after they-#- acted emotionally in a way she didnt like#like im sorry people have bad days and sometimes act in none cutesy ways#at this point idk if the few times i did tell her im feelin like shit she took it seriously or just thought i was joking#im kinda assuming the second one#like she did feel and act fairly progressive - she'd often talk about acceptance and understanding#i don't even think she sees this situation as dropping a 'freind'#she's prolly gonna find a way to justify it somehow idk#point is im hurt and need a drink#she even vaguely texted me like 'if someone you knew hurt someone you care about would you try to fix it with them or just block them?'#like not even confront me and say 'you hurt someone i care about so now im ending things'#or just tell me to fuck off or call me a piece of shit#i feel after a year and all of the 'youre a good friend' shit that maybe i was at least entitled to a 'fuck off kys' text and then a block#i shouldve dropped her first - save us both some time#honestly i dont even think she thinks about this at all#im probably just sulking like a kicked dog while she does whatever the fuck it is she does#she probably didnt even care about my side of the story#why would she#honestly she always did most of the talking#i was just there to listen and sometimes make a joke for her to laugh at i guess#like i didnt know i was signing up for a '1 strike and youre out' type deal lmao
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only one episode out and I might have to become the #1 Kristen Applebees defender
#i will post abg the rest of the badkids later cuz i love them but#everyone being agast and scandalized by kristen being an asshole to her god must not have watched the first few seasons?#really and truly did you expect her to change??#ppl were speculating her dumping/being on the rocks w cassandra since 2020 this is not new information this is just how she is#AND I FEEL BAD FOR CASSANDRA genuinely i do! of course she doesnt deserve to be ignored or mistreated after all shes been thru!#after all kristen promised her!!#but kristen applebees is like 16 maybe 17 years old a fucking teenager who was literally made into a holy figure by her home church#or the church of helio#all that pressure at a young age gave her irrevocable religious trauma#she crafted a god from scratch one specifically made for HER to worship and even that wasnt enough#shes super flawed!!! but i dont see the point in jumping her about it yk 🤷#thought bubbles#fantasy high#kristen applebees
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just musing and this isn’t directed at any person or fandom (cotl I love you!) but I do find it kind of odd. as someone who got out of what was probably a cult/on the way to becoming one. that the idea of a cult is so often casually mentioned and turned into something funny. I do giggle at it but also holy shit does “let’s start a cult lol” give me whiplash sometimes. guess it’s similar to “let’s kill each other” which is also very funny BUT. please do stay safe and know the signs because real cults don’t announce that they’re cults. be careful have fun make silly jokes!
#cult mention#listen to my gibberish boy#I DO WANT TO SAY. IT WAS BAD BUT IT WASNT LIFE THREATENING OR ANYTHING#just really sucked. and I do have some trauma from it#IM NOT TRYING TO START SHIT ABOUT THIS OR ANYTHING I DONT MIND IT#but I do go WOAH! every time someone says something about cults in a silly casual way#maybe this post is more serious than it needs to be#but this is just a thought I’ve been having!! as someone who made jokes like that and. did NOT see the signs#cult tw#JUST!!! HAVE FUN BE CAREFUL
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dating an art student was so crazy I'm just thinking abt that one birthday I had where my ex got me stickers from the etsy of the person they were cheating on me with....
#they made them address the thank you note to me and everything ajskfjfkfb. i didnt know they were cheating at the time but wow...#every time i break out my sticker collection and see them im reminded of it. but i cant throw out the stickers theyre deltarune ones 😭#like they were a rly cool artist.... just unfortunate that happened 💀#the drama was insane. my ex only wanted to sleep with them but they (other person) wanted them to break up with me so they could date#but my ex dumped them rly harshly for suggesting that i guess 'romantic' cheating was a step too far even for them lmaooo#i heard abt their breakup secondhand and god could they be cruel sometimes. they made fun of the sex theyd had w them#to all their mutual friends n everything i actually felt so bad for the other person when i found out. at least our breakup wasnt that bad#i only finally got that cruel side of them directed towards me like a year after when they wanted us to stop being friends#but yeah. its also funny in a way bc my ex only suggested i had adhd bc the other person did too + struggled a lot with rsd#which i guess they found out when they broke up with them. and then looked at that and thought huh my gf is kind of similar...#and this was like. 2 years before i even considered i had adhd myself and sought diagnosis ahdkfidjcjdjfjfjfkdbfnf#this made me go look the other persons art page up on instagram + then i recognised some of their friends/flatmates art pages and i found#their (my exs that is) grad year film which is still being shown at animation festivals... good for them good for them#i dont think they have an art page themselves tho cuz they were always v shy and weird abt sharing art on social media#like everyone else except them is tagged on things... shame i wouldve liked to see what they were making now. even if we're not friends#also one of their old roommates made some REALLY similar squid game fanart to mine like a month after i posted it huh..#not mad abt it or anything i think its cool i just didnt realise they showed my art to their friends. thats cute#ah this was years ago anyway. getting my head out of the rabbit hole#im gonna go play some elden ring and then maybe do smth fun in my sketchbook we shall seeee#.diaries
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between the sonic frontiers final horizon update and the final boss for trip's story in sonic superstars i think that everyone on sonic team woke up one morning and decided they were going to cause sonic fans immense pain and suffering in late 2023
#and then shadow generations comes out in 2024 and its the easiest game ever#i actually was able to beat the final horizon update before they did the patch that made it easier#but i was never able to beat the final boss of trip's story .#i think i might have spent more time on that one boss than i spent on the entirety of the final horizon#or maybe thats an exaggeration idk but i at least spent more time on that one boss than i did on the master king koco trial#and i eventually just gave up because i wasnt having fun. but i did find master king koco trial and the final horizon in general fun#even if it was difficult#honestly thought sonic superstars wasjust kind of mid . and VERY overpriced for what it is. sad !#trip is cute though . too bad she wasnt in a better game
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i think Simon is the kinda guy who doesnt cuss much. so like when he Does cuss it gets everyone's attention
#or at least if he's cussing most of the time he's doing it in asl so anyone who doesnt know it/isnt paying attention wont notice#he doesnt cuss Out Loud that often#anyway a lil bit of Gutsfics Lore: i was raised. somewhat mormon? mormon enough to not like saying Bad Words while we were still members#anyway when i was in like 4th grade i think we Really started to pull away from the church bc my dad being gay. thats not the important par#but like since i was realising that parts of the church were bs (bc a bunch of people just suddenly flipped on us bc of my dad)#i thought hey maybe the church is Wrong about a lot of things. maybe i WONT go to Hell if i say ass instead of butt#so like one day at lunch we were talking about something idr what but i think i called it like “shit” or something#not even one of the worst cuss words. but EVERYONE at the the table went quiet for a few seconds b4 being like#“HOLY FUCK THE JESUS GIRL SAID SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”#it was awesome :]#i meaaaaan. technically that wasnt the first time i cussed bc i once jokingly said that something was “from hell”#& defended that by saying i was using it the way its used in the bible#the mormon friend i said it to Did get mad at me though#anyway there is ABSOLUTELY a moment where the first time Si drops a Fuck Bomb everyone stops and goes “wtffffffff”#it happens during Ace arc he tells Asher to Shut The Fuck Up when he resigns from the comittee <3
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Well. I'm finally caught up with the bad batch and with absolutely NO Rex appearance I just gotta say
#jane journals#silly#self insert talk#💙 oh captain my captain 💙#SPONGEBOB ABOUT TO GET HIT BY ICE CREAM TRUCK VOICE: I'M BEING DRAMATIC!!!!#i dont think it was shit and im not actually THAT disappointed with it#even if there WAS a severe lack of my husband = _ =#but after talking about it with my partner and best friend for a while i gotta say im not....exactly THRILLED either#this is probably nitpicking and i feel like they were probably maybe just on a time crunch??#but it wasnt as much as i expected. in general.#like idk i accepted that a lot of it was rly slow cause i thought it was building UP to something really really big!!#and i DID like a lot of parts of the finale!! it just wasnt as BIG as i was hoping#the payoff just wasnt as good as i was hoping for ig#and thats not to say i wanted carnage and heartbreak#idk ill tag this w spoiler tags but im FINE with it ending happily and the batch being free to explore domesticity#it just DIDNT EVEN LINGER ON /THAT/ FOR THAT LONG THEYRE JUST KINDA LIKE HERE#idk i could go on but i dont wanna sound like im just complaining for the sake of complaining#i just know how good it COULD have been#tbb spoilers#the bad batch spoilers
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Whag the hell
#I took allergy meds this morning and somehow its the worst its been maybe all month still#i thought maybe my shirt was dusty or smth so i took it off and put on a different one but its still so bad#like all day ive been stuff and my eyes are watering its actual hell#What Did I Touch What Did I Breathe In#I know its for sure allergies thank god but ughhgbghfbgbbdbf#the house has been pretty closed up the last couple days and it wasnt like this this morning so?? my window being open last night couldnt#have been the cause#augh anyways#i miss breathing#status noir#🃏
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Since you mentioned it, what did you think of Speak No Evil? I was thinking of watching it myself :0
i really liked it ............ my friend scoffed at me when i told her i was watchin it so take my opinion with a grain of salt tho </3
#snap chats#SHE DIDNT EVEN WATCH IT BUT W/E SPOILER FREE QUICK REVIEW DOWN HERE HIIII <3<3<3<3#ive been made aware my tastes are. Questionable so proceed with caution vlklvjv im so sorry if i convince you to see it and you dont like i#moving on I Have. done nothing but listen to Eternal Flame for the past week its been stuck in my head ever since#BUT FR as i said I Really Liked It. i heard that theres another/original version so i wanna watch that at some point#if i care to remember and find it vjaelkjeakl but as This Movie On Its Own i had a swell time !!!#it does a really good job of teetering that line of#'this is just a quaint little sometimes-awkward get-together' and 'this is so stressful i just might throw up'#it did a good job of keeping me invested and on my toes i guess- it bitters innocuous scenarios really well which i like#like i wasnt sure WHEN whatever scene i was watching would turn sour but i always had that feeling it /would/- that lingering feeling#the horror in this is more psychological than violent- it only gets crazy by the last quarter honestly#which isnt bad! i like psych horror and Christ. the amount of times i was just grimacing in my seat like Suspense Is The Word#like imagine a dinner party where people only say controversial things and you dont want to blow up the situation#so you just try to be really polite about pivoting from the topic. but they keep going. thats basically the horror of this movie at its cor#i do have SOME comments about some bits but i wanna rewatch the movie at some point to be thorough on my comments jglejlakj#yk do a rewatch where im. NOT jokin bout with my brother- THO TBF DESPITE THAT I was still invested#like its premise is so. simple? in concept imo. but 'simple' isnt automatically bad in my eyes and i really liked how it played out#i dont watch movies much tho so maybe its been done different but there is ONE thing tht definitely made me like. HUH#but its nothing super major i dont htink? I MEAN IT WAS KINDA BIG BUT there were signs to it being revealed. still it made me vjLJ like god#i cant explain tho cause SPOILERS but ... Yeah. its not that crazy it just definitely took me by surprise for how quick the reveal was#tldr: if you ever wanted to watch an awkward dinner party where you couldnt do anything about it this is the movie to watch#and i like that. i like that because i hate myself apparently jVLAEKJVAEKLJ#coupled with horror it was also funny at times which i felt did help with that underlying 'when will this be tainted' horror#i really liked that ... when normalcy or the feeling of safety can be taken away in an instant#if you watch it and wanna talk bout it more in depth ill prob have rewatched it by then and id like to give a more. Detailed review#OR AT LEAST ONE NOT SO RAMBLY VELKAVJEALKJ im not good at reviewing things .... i just know when i like or dont like somethin ..#ive only had my bro to talk bout this with and he doesnt really. Give his thoughts or opinions too much like i do#so id be happy to talk bout it and get your perspective !!!! but only if you want Again if you dont like it im so sorry erlakjaekl#god theres so much more i want to say but im just rambling and i wanna be brief for you my friend vlakjlakvlkj#anyway yeah. those are my quick thoughts. i was Very Normal about james mcavoy for most of this movie ty for reading
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also on that end though - it does always surprise me when white people completely and utterly miss mixed race coding in like books and other fiction. which i guess i shouldnt be surprised because of how bad they are with any racial coding at all really like (gestures vaguely at the hunger games rue situation for the past 15 years) but like straight up they dont see it? they don't even see...
#the rue situation was nuts and horrifically racist but also so so bizarre like okay. i read the hunger games by having my 6th grade teacher#read it to our whole class a chapter a day and even in all her mispronunciations of every character name (she said cinna like CHEE-nah)#(went italian with it i guess.... also effie as EE-fee - etc) and the fact that i was 11 i remember CLEARLY that she was discribed as#having dark skin and dark curly hair and put two and two together that she was black. like. hello. can anyone here me. its so dark in here.#but in a much less horribly antiblack and racist situation ONE TIME my (white) mom tried reading a book i really really loved in 8th grade#a victorian ish period young adult novel about a spy girl and like the main character spy also was half white and half chinese iirc#and in like the beginning theres a bit where shes getting questions about her features and for safety reasons she plays it off that she#got it from her irish mother i think. and i read that when i was 12 and saw how she was written to be nervous saying that#and put two and two together and was like oh shes mixed race cool. and then later in the book it was plot relevant and then spelled out#but when my mom read the beginning i mentioned offhandedly that oh i loved that book as a kid cause it was fun and i thought it was cool#to see a mixed race main character in a fun basic spy thriller story like this and my mom was so confused like but shes irish?#and i was like. oh. um. maybe. and waited until she finished the whole book where it was fully spelled out for her to get it LOL#like it wasnt bad or anything it was just a surprise. my mom did understand it when it was spelled out later and thought it was neat#i mean she does have mixed race children after all (meeeeee LOL) but i was like so confused. i like. forgot. that white people dont#think about this stuff that often or at all by default so they just dont see it when its in front of them.#<- mixed race guy who rediscovers the concept of the white default brand new every day
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fuck
#like idk i never realized just how bad she hurt me. i didnt even rly realize she hurt me at all#bc there are so so so many ways she sldve reacted so much worse. but like i never thought someone cld just straight up ignore it.#like i get the way i told her was dumb and confusing. ok. i can understand that. whatever#but idk. she said she wished my sister had told her years earlier so that she cldve helped her back then#but then suddenly it's different when it's me. suddenly it's 'but youve always been my little girl' and 'oh i dont know that sounds dangerou#s' and 'are you sure?' and 'how long have you felt like this'#well it's been almost 5 fucking years now and it hasnt changed. i havent changed. fuck#i trusted her. i trusted her to be there for me and to support me and to accept me and she threw it back in my face and never even blinked#i can never ever trust her again and she doesnt care. she doesnt even know bc shes so wrapped up in all the fucking lies she tells herself#fuck. she did everything wrong. fuck. i can never fully trust anyone with this part of me again bc of her#and it's awful bc it's such an important part of me. it brings me so much joy and i think on it often and i love myself for it#but it's just simmering in my chest and every time i think of letting it hit air again i freeze bc i thought it was safe once and it WASNT.#i wanted to get my name changed before high school. i wanted to start the medical process. i wanted all the thing i thought shed do for me.#my wants and my understanding of my identity has changed now but it still hurts.#it hurts so bad to see other ppl my age get all of that and to have the support of their family and to not be afraid to put a name to it all#im happy for them. but it's so awful hearing her point those ppl out w no self awareness like oh thats so good for them isnt that sweet#I AM RIGHT HERE! YOU COULD BE DOING ALL OF THAT! I NEEDED YOU TO BE THAT FOR ME!#and every time she does acknowledge it she gets it completely wrong or it's just to bemoan how little she understands#'oh everyones changing their name now its so confusing' 'im really trying i dont know what else you want from me' NO YOURE NOT! YOURE NOT!#YOUVE NEVER BEEN WILLING TO TRY. NOT FOR ME.#you never fucking loved me you loved the idea of what you thought i would be and you cant fucking let it go even when the truth is staring#you dead in the face. fuck. you complain about how i 'hate you' or 'think youre stupid' well maybw treat me with an ounce of respect and act#like you understand the things youve EXPLICITLY BEEN TOLD. even a little.#but honestly it's too late. if she were to suddenly have a change of heart now i wouldnt give a damn.#the damage is done you dont get to have this part of me and act like youre such a good and supportive mother.#i cant even say i hate her. i love her but shes hurt me more than anyone else ever has and i can never trust her to actually love me or even#fucking see me or support anything about me that actually matters to me#i dont know. i dont know. thinking about it again.#ive thought abt telling my dad. not bc it wld do any good but bc ik he values honesty and maybe hed throw me a 'damn that sucks'#my sister said this is something i have to fight on but she doesnt get it. i have no ground to stand on as far as shes concerned
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