#and maybe 9 times out of 10 those monsters with a noticeable pair of breasts and sculted lips

[littleeyesofpallas]

There is a beautiful lly weird little unique space for gender expression built into the weird statistical anaomly of Japanese tokusatsu monster suit actors being a male dominated industry resulting necessarily in a role for men who have careers built on performing femininity, but only behind the guise of literal monsters. It's vaguely kabuki onnagata adjacent. Its strongly otaku culture adjacent. It's transhumanist adjacent. ...monsterfucker adjacent. It's a unique space that is at once super super niche, yet extremely publically visible and culturally prevelent. I dunno where I'm going with this but its a fact that rattles around in my brain...

[ziee]

Yb(TeddyBear) x Reader

"Before I go, I wanted to get you something special." Your dad says, turning around to rummage in his bag. You watched his back in curiosity, wondering what he would have gotten his 22-year-old daughter. He was going on a business trip for about 2 weeks, but every time spent away from you, your dad always got you something. Mostly plushies, or some childish stickers. It started as a kid, your dad would always have to leave due to business trips, so it's kind of sweet he still does it.

"Tada!" He excitedly says, turning around while holding a large plush in his hands. In his hands, he held a rather large stuffed bear. It wore a black vest with a blue shirt, housing a rather cute black and white heart. It's fur was grey, with large blue eyes.

You smiled at him, thinking that the bear was incredibly cute for just being a stuffed bear. "Aw dad, he's so adorable!" You squealed, taking the bear from your dad's hands. He puffed out his chest in pride due to your reaction.

"I bought him in the cafe next to your work, they said he was one of a kind. I'm pretty sure he has a name too, check the tag." You rolled the tag on the bear's back around and looked at the tiny words. Your boyfriend- Peter!

"So your names Peter huh?" You smile and hold the bear to your chest. "Thank you dad, this is much better than those paw patrol stickers from last time." You playfully roll your eyes as your dad clutches his chest in a playful manner.

"You hurt me Y/n, I thought that was your favorite show." He fakes his painful expression as you laugh.

"Yeah, from like when I was 5!" You shout at your dramatic dad. Once the giggling fades, you move in to hug him. "Stay safe, ok?" You mumble into his chest. Your dad wraps his arms around you, pulling you tighter in.

"I'll be back before you know it." He kisses the top of your head and lets you go, moving to enter his car. As he drives off, you wave goodbye. Returning your focus on the bear in your arms, you smile as you run your fingers through his soft fur. Entering the house, you make your way towards your bedroom.

Placing the bear on your bed, you settle him between your pillows before leaving the room. "What to do now.." You mumble just as your stomach growls. Food, of course. You hadn't even eaten breakfast. It was just 5 minutes past 9 AM. Your dad usually leaves early on business trips, so you wake up to say goodbye.

Entering the kitchen, you go to prepare some food. The day moves on as you do your usual activities on your off days. Clean the house, get some groceries, dread going to work the next day. You decided to try and relax, preparing a hot enough to melt your bones bath. Perfect.

You stripped in the bathroom, setting your clothes on the counter before realizing you forgot one thing. Wrapping a towel around your nude body, you enter your room for a candle to light. You then notice how your bear was suddenly not on your bed. Your brows furrow as you stepped closer to your bed before feeling a soft plush under your foot. You yelp and scramble backward, tripping on your own feet before falling on your ass.

You moan in pain as your rub your pained butt, looking forwards at the monster that tripped you. It was.. Peter? "Peter? How did you get on the floor?" The window wasn't open, preventing the breeze from coming in. Even though you don't think a little breeze would knock over a plush bear. Your exposed legs closed as you move to crawl towards your bear.

In doing so, your towel got caught under your knee, pulling it down from your chest. There you sat, crawling towards your bear in the nude. You didn't really care, there was no one else but you home and besides, you walked around this house naked before. You got to your bear, taking hold of its.. Hot body?

Was it in the sun or something? His fur felt warm as well a pink tint on its cheeks. Maybe you just didn't see the pink outside. You stood up, holding the bear to your chest before placing it back on your bed. "Now you stay there, alright?" You say, pointing a finger at the grey bear before grabbing the items you need, making your way back to the bathroom.

The day went on with no more predicaments. You relaxed in your bath, ate as much as you wanted without annoying comments.. And soon enough the day was coming to an end. Changing into your pj's, you stripped once more in your room and threw on a t-shirt and some shorts.

Washing your face, you hopped back into your room and jumped onto the bed. Bouncing up and down with your new teddy, you smiled before pulling out your phone. You brought the bear under your arms, looking as though you're cuddling it as you scroll through social media.

Eventually, you got tired and put away your phone on the nightstand. Turning off your light, you rolled over, away from the plush before falling asleep. As the clock reached 12, your bed suddenly bore new weight.

Your bear disappeared from view, instead, a man took its place. Beside you, the man silently watched as you slept. He wore the same as his stuffy counterpart, but with the addition of black pants. Blue eyes, almost suffocating, stared at your unconscious body.

Feeling his grin widen, so did his boxers. "Oh darling, I almost couldn't control myself after that show you pulled earlier.." He whispered as his hand ghosted your cheek, almost touching your warm skin before stopping himself. He got off the bed, making his way to the other side, towards where you've turned.

Leaning down, his face stood in front of yours. His breathing turned heavy as he stared at your face. Cheeks dusted with red blush, a large tent formed in his pants. Soon, the pounding of his cock beneath his clothes became too much for him. Growing annoyed, he figured he can just relieve himself while watching you..

The next day was busy. Having to get up early, get ready for work, and whatnot. Thankfully, the shift seemed to end quickly. Although you hate it when it gets super busy, it does make the time fly by. When you got home, you kicked off your shoes and headed straight for the shower.

Walking in your room to grab your pj's, you smile as you spot Peter on the bed. "Hi Peter, did you get lonely when I was gone." You asked the stuffed animal.

...

Why are you talking to a plushie.

After your shower, you flopped down on your bed. Grabbing the bear, you set him on your chest as you stared into your phone. Peter couldn't see your face but did feel your breasts underneath him. Rising up and down from your breathing, he watched you as scrolled endlessly.

The first week went by quickly, your routine being work, shower, lounge around. Maybe do some chores here and there, obviously you had a little more control when your dad was out, and do some snack trips.

All the while, every night when the clock hits 12, your little bear would turn into a 6'5 man. Who is awfully obsessed with you. He wishes you would take him everywhere, feeling anger every time you leave him on the bed. But it's to be expected, you still only know of his toy form. That would change this week.

Only having a week until your father gets home, he doesn't want to miss his chance to introduce himself. He doesn't know why he waited this long anyway, I guess it's just so fun to watch your sleeping face as he.. Uh, does his 'activities'.

As of right now, it was about 11:50. Just 10 more minutes. He could wait that long. You had already gone to bed, sleeping like an angel, but facing away from him. He grumbled as the clock took its time ticking.

But alas, it struck midnight. He stretched his stiff body, staying in the same position every day unless you readjusted him. He moved his weight off the bed, walking over to the side where you lay before kneeling down.

He smiled as he leaned in close, feeling your soft breaths through your nose on his. Watching you sleep was a ritual, but recording every detail of you was a way of art. The way your nostrils flared slightly as you breathed out, your lips growing dryer throughout the night, and your beautiful open eyes..

Opened eyes?

The first thing you usually woke up to was either your nightstand or the ceiling. Not a pair of large, blue eyes. Wait, blue eyes? You shot up, away from the strange man as you scooted to the other side of your bed.

"Who are you." You shakily spoke, feeling around the bed for anything you could use as a weapon. In doing so, you realize your bear is now missing. Your eyes now pierce the stranger on the other side of the bed, not daring to move as he stares at you. Wait a minute..

He looks familiar. His clothing reminds you of your bear. As well as his eyes.. And skin too?? "Peter..?" You whisper, furrowing your brows. His eyes light up, a grin spreading across his face.

"Yes! I'm your boyfriend." He comes up on the bed, sitting in front of you as confusion racks your brain.

"Wait- Are you really my stuffed bear?" He nods. "But how? You're a stuffed BEAR! Not a human? Are you a cursed bear or something?" You look at his skin, trying to find any markings of curses or what not when he grabs your hands softly.

"I'm not cursed. I turn into a human at midnight each night." He smiles, rubbing his thumb over your hand. "You're really cute when you sleep." Bringing your hand up, he rubs his cheek against your palm, all the while as he stares at you.

Your mouth opens, flabbergasted at what you've just been told. Your bear can turn into a human. Each night. And he's been staring at you while you sleep?? "How come you didn't tell me before? You could have just woken me up."

"You're always so busy in the mornings, and I want you to get your beauty rest.~" He mumbles, rubbing his face into your hand. You let it happen, a bit weirded out but I mean, it is your bear. Your bear.. That saw you naked... MULTIPLE TIMES.

OH MY GOD.

Your cheeks suddenly flush, remembering all the times you've been naked in your room the past week. The first day burns into your mind. He takes notice of your blush, grinning as he guesses what you're thinking about.

"You know, I've seen your body so many times yet you have never seen mine." Great observation dude, this is the first time I'm learning about it too.

"What are you saying?" His rubbing stopped, seeing him lick his lips before bringing his head up. My hand falls onto my lap as he grins.

"If you want.. I could show you." He's offering to show you his body? Actually, you've never seen a man's body. In-person, of course. It's not like you haven't had boyfriends, but you never got close enough for 3rd base. This- your teddy bear is now offering to show you his junk.

...

You were a little curious.

"I've listened to the videos you watched, and albeit I'm still furious that you would look at other bodies while pleasuring yourself but, I've only ever heard male voices." Your face burned in shame. Completely forgetting most of the time that your bear was right beside you as you touched yourself, he was right.

Your history consisted of mostly guys jerking off. You just found it fascinating and fucking hot, how they came. The different ways they would touch themselves too, and their small groans of pleasure.. Thinking about this is getting you a little wet..

"Oh um well.." You didn't know what to say. 'Yes, I wanna see your dick.' ?? God you were such a virgin. He watched you with a smirk, watching as your eyes zoomed everywhere but his eyes. He could tell you wanted to say yes, but you were just too embarrassed. Cute.

Slowly, he grabbed hold of your hands and placed them on his chest. You let out a quick 'eep' as you felt his hard chest. Looking up towards him, his encouraging smile allowed you to run your hands over his shirt. Your hands were a bit shaky at first, but you kept telling yourself this was alright. It was your stuffed bear anyways.

Moving one hand down, you poked his belly button, making him laugh a bit. That seemed to ease you, moving your hands more freely around his chest. You got curious, wanting to see under the vest and shirt.

You inched your hands down, looking up at him as you do so. You flick your fingers under his shirt, slowly pulling it up. He stared at you and grinned, allowing you to do so. "My, so eager.."  

"Shh!" You blushed as you lifted his shirt up. He took off his vest as you placed your hand just below his collar bone, holding up the shirt as your other hand cautiously touches his free skin.

His skin was cold, and grey. Flinching at your first touch, you watch in awe as his stomach clenches before relaxing. His belly button was small, a cute innie. Your hand moved up from his hips towards his nipples. They were a darker shade of grey than him, small as well.

You ran your fingers over his right one, instantly becoming hard from your touch. Your cheeks flushed with heat and color as he arched his back, pushing his chest out towards you. You softly pinched one, making him let out a soft moan. You immediately release his nipple and throw your hands up, shocked. His shirt fell after your hand left, as his eyes stared at you in confusion. "Did I do something wrong, darling?" His whispered voice made you want to writhe in excitement. You made a guy feel good! Even moan! Your fantasies were coming true, and oh boy were you gonna milk this.

"N-no.. I just got a little excited." You mumble, fanning yourself with your hands. His face morphed into one of pure delight, his cheeks dusted with the same pink as you. Lifting his hand up, he pulled his shirt up and grabbed one of your hands, placing your palm against his chest once more.

"Then by all means.. Continue to explore." You felt your legs twitch as you got even more aroused. Now with another free hand, you used both to play with his nipples. Twisting, flicking, pulling, all the while a large tent was forming under his pants. You wondered what it would feel like licking his nipples.. Should you- ask?

...

"Can I.. Can I lick them?" Peter almost creamed in his pants. Figuring you were too far though, he grabbed your waist and pulled you upon his lap.

"You can do whatever you want with me. I'm yours." He answered, begging in his head that you would do much more than lick his nips. You licked your lips as you stared at his swollen nipples, moving your head closer towards his chest before your mouth was almost touching one of them.

You opened your mouth, lolling out your tongue before giving a quick flick onto one of them. Peter's body flinched at the cold contact, creating a jolt of pleasure straight to his pelvis. You pulled his nipple into your mouth, twirling it around your tongue. He let out more moans, encouraging you to do more.

Softly biting into his skin, he continued to be at your mercy. You released him from your mouth, looking at the bite marks encased into his skin. You grinned, staring at his flushed face. "I didn't know you were so sensitive." You teased, trailing a finger around his abused nipple.

He smirked, deciding to say nothing but look down. Following his gaze, you suddenly realized that you were subconsciously grinding against his knee. You opened your mouth but closed it after not knowing what to say. God, how desperate were you?

"Didn't know you were so horny y/n." He let his shirt fall and grabbed your waist, moving you back and forth faster on his knee. You jolted and moaned, the feeling of someone else pleasuring you was far better than you expected.

"Mmm.. Oh god.." You clutched onto his shoulders as he swayed you, your shorts doing little to nothing in resistance, which you thanked. You jolted every time you moved, your breathing heavy as you felt nothing which you've felt before. You wanted more.

"Peter.. Do you wanna do it?" You moaned into his ear, still clutching onto his shoulders. He stopped moving you, softly pushing you off his knee and onto your back. Leaning over you, his wide blue eyes stared into yours. Rose dusted his cheeks as his tongue licked his lips.

"I've been waiting since day 1 to do this to you, darling." He leaned down, rubbing his head against your breasts. You bit your lip as your thighs trembled in anticipation. You could see his cock against his pants, trying to escape.

This would be your first time seeing a real cock. In person. Up close. And very, very, personal. He removed his head, touching his fingers against your shirt before pulling it off you. He stopped to admire, watching as your chest rises and falls, remembering the time he had sat there. God, you were so warm.

He moved down, pulling down your shorts. Easy enough, but he stopped at your underwear. Dragging his fingers over your clothed slit, you whined at the consistent pounding of your clit. "Patient love, like I have been.." He growled as he continued pushing into your clit. Due to how wet you were, your underwear soon became drenched at the constant pushing. He soon takes off your underwear, coming over you once more as he leaned down.

With the underwear in his hands, he takes a long lick up the cloth, sapping up all your juices. You watch, mouth agape. That was fucking hot. He smirked at your blinded reaction, too red to move. Throwing the panties on the ground, he pushed your legs up before spreading them apart.

Resting in front of you, it was now time for the grand show. "Are you ready to take me all dear?" He purred, reaching for his zipper.

"Yes! I want your cock inside me, please!" You cry, all the teasing from him was too much for your virgin self. He chuckled as he unzipped his pants, his cock almost protruding from his boxers. You breathed heavily as you stared at his erection. Such a pervert.

He brought down his boxers, pulling them down to his knees. There, his cock stood at full attention. "Is it- uh, always this big?" You gulped, seeing the size. He laughed, bringing a hand to your cheek, swiping his thumb against your skin.

"Only when I see you, darling."

"Will it fit?" You question.

Like an idiot.

"Of course it will. Don't worry, you'll only feel a little bit of pain. If it hurts, I'll take it out, alright?" He promised, giving you an oscar worthy smile. You relaxed a bit, trusting him enough to stick it in you. Just like your doctor.

You breathed out and nodded, confirming you still wanted to do it. He positioned himself over you, his tip touching your entrance. "Just relax, alright?" He leaned down, giving you the first kiss of the evening. Your lips mushed together, you being a bit less experienced but still, it was romantic.

Pulling away left a string of saliva, turning you on even more. He stroked himself over your slit before slowly pushing himself inside. The tip was alright, but past that it started to hurt. You grabbed onto his arms and squeezed, stopping him immediately. He nuzzled into your neck as you breathed, trying to relax.

As soon as you were ready, you nodded against his head. He kissed your shoulder before pushing himself further in. You breathed in and out, trying to relax. "I'm- in." He panted, resisting the urge to destroy you.

"Your so- b..big." You moan, clenching his arms. He chuckled, sweat growing on his forehead.

"Thank you dear, you're the perfect fit for me." He waited until you were alright, slowly pulling out as you gave him a nod. Pushing himself back in, you gasped. Continuing to do so slowly, pain turned into less pain before it turned into pleasure.

"F-faster." You moan into his ear. He complied happily, turning up the heat with his hips. The slapping of skin commenced in the room, panting and moans swirled around the 4 walls as sweat dripped.

His thrusts were hard, pushing himself in and out of your wet hole. His cock shone from your juices as he panted in your ear. Him being inside you excited you, but hearing his groans and pants? You thought you were already close to cumming.

His hands suddenly went to your hips, gripping into your skin as he pounded harder into you. Was he already close? His thrusts suddenly went wild, pounding into you harder and harder. You saw his thighs start to shake before he lets out a long, low groan.

Hot liquid shoots into you, leaving him blinded with pleasure. His hips go into auto as he pumps his seed into you, filling you up before he stops. Pulling out of you, a trail of liquids follows him out. Great, now you'll have to wash your sheets, but to be honest, that was far from your worries.

You hadn't even cum yet! You felt him all up, let him in and you don't even get to cum?? He lays next to you, panting. You watch as his breathing slows from hurried gasps. "Had fun?" You mumble, staring into his eyes.

"Yes, you felt amazing darling." He lifts himself up, before rolling to hover over you. You're trapped under his arms, smiling at what's about to happen. "Don't think I haven't felt your glares at me, I'll get you to cum too, dear~"  He smirks as he leans down, head before your entrence.

Is he gonna..? After he put it in?!

That's hot.

You grin as you felt his hands trailing your thighs before clutching onto them. You start to feel his breath on your clit, waiting in anticipation for what's to come. You squeal as you felt the first lick. His long tongue spreading along your whole slit. It's so wet and warm, mixing with his own cum. He doesn't seem to mind though, lapping it all up along with your juices.

You moan as he gets into it, taking your clit into his mouth as he sucks. Placing a hand on his head, you softly urge him into you further, making him suck harder. Biting your lip, you muffle your moans as he twirls your clit along his tongue.

You buck your hips into his mouth, your breasts bouncing along with your body. You place your other hand onto your tit, rubbing and squeezing your nipple. It seems to boost your arousal, suddenly getting more and more sensitive.

You jolt and tremble under his tongue, squealing as the pleasure overwhelms you. You squeeze your tit hard, pushing his head into you as you buck widely into his mouth. Crying out as you cum, you see white. When that fades, you're left dazed. Your hands move back beside your hips, sprawling out onto the bed as Peter holds his head up from his job well done.

Licking his lips, he smiles as he sees you passed out from pleasure. He cleans you up, putting yours and his own clothes back on before tucking you under the bedsheets. Just as the sun rose, he gets back into his usual position, beside you.

Your dad comes back after a week since the incident. Well, the 'first' one at least. "Y/n! I'm home!" You run downstairs to greet your dad, pulling him into a hug. "Welcome back dad." You smile.

"So, did you like the bear?" He asks as he sets his coat on the rack. You grin, nodding.

"He was great companionship!"

[im-totally-not-an-alien]

Final Fantasy prompts no 52

1. Cloud getting swarmed by orphans who proceed to put make up on him, Tifa, and Yuffie.

When they are "revealed" to eachother, Cloud asks, "Am I pretty?" With a blank face and monotone voice.

2. Clouds reaction to different people saying, "I have a crush on you"

That exact phrase. No other wording or phrases.

3. #2 but its everyone in AVALANCHE saying this to Cloud one at a time, once a day.

Example: Yuffie on Tuesday, Tifa on Wednesday, Barret on Thursday, etc.

This is because they were trying a misguided attempt at making Vincent comfortable enough to actually confess.

When Vincent does confess, however, Cloud doesn't believe him. Oops.

4. Palmer was being a prick again. Ever since the "Incident" in the conference room when they discovered Sephiroths...relationship...with laser pointers, Palmer had been sneaking them in and teasing the poor man with them.

Scarlett had been the most recent victim, having the small red dot travel across her breasts without her knowledge. When she noticed the general staring at her cleavage, a whole host of questions flittered threw her mind, the most prominent being, "Am I about to get laid?"

By the time she noticed the dot it was too late. Catboy pounced.

Her last thought before she was squished by hard muscle and leather was "Oh, no."

Later, there was a mysterious surge in people writing fanfiction about Sephiroth pouncing on people...

5. Cloud chunking a ceramic vase full of catnip grass at Sephiroths head and yelling, "Happy birthday, asshole!"

6. Yuffie often observed how cat-like Cloud was, and just never questioned it.

Years later when Tifa says something about it, Yuffie was like, "You guys never noticed? He's always been like that."

Additionally, Vincent trailing his fingers through Clouds hair as the blond rests his head in the gunman lap. All was well and good until Cloud began purring in his sleep.

He wasn't sure what to do with this information.

7. Time traveler Cloud lands in the Shinra building and immediately gets spotted. He fights his way down with First Tsurugi until he's confronted by a familiar mop of spikey blond hair.

He has a blond moment of, "Oh, that's me. Oh- I'm shooting at myself. Lovely." He then proceeded to kidnap his younger self, much to Zacks dismay.

Now Cloud has Zack, Sephiroth, and two people he doesn't know hunting him like a wild animal.

It doesn't help that his past self is uncooperative

8. Zack as the hero instead of Cloud.

They made it to Midgar, but Cloud remained in a coma at 7th heaven. There was even a big rescue scene where he woke up and saved Marlene when the plate fell. Everyone thinks they're dead, but they find refuge with Elmira after AVALANCHE leaves Midgar.

Zack being referred to as "puppy" by Sephiroth in the same way Cloud is referred to as "puppet"

Also, Zack with green cat eyes

9. A group of scientists working under a mysterious organization managed to obtain samples of Clouds DNA, thus managing to revive the SOLDIER program.

But they made a mistake.

Cloud was made using large amounts of S and J-cells. Cells that mutated and changed him. He feels the new SOLDIERs as they change, as they are reborn. He feels them as they come alive with his cells, senses them like blinking lights on a sonar. The pull of REUNION has never been this strong before, but strangely, the blond didn't feel drawn anywhere.

When he first saw them he knew. He knew immediately what had happened and what the scientists had done, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that he had babies and they needed him.

Needed their Mother

And so Gaia cries for another twisted hero

10. Someone from the Silver Elite writes romantic fanfiction of Sephiroth and Genesis and it starts a shipping war with people writing fanfiction about their favorite pairings.

A particularly...mature... piece of romantic high fantasy fanfiction involving himself and some blond named Cloud actually makes it to Sephiroth and he reads it.

He admittedly becomes curious of, "The pretty little fae" that has a solid hold on a significant amount of people in the Silver Elite.

Too bad the blond is avoiding him, like the plague and blushing as red as a beet the moment he sees him. He must have read something the fangirls made.

(Its funnier if you add time traveler AC Cloud but cuter if its CC Cloud. Idk which one I like better)

11. Angeal tries to teach CC Zack and Cloud how to build a bookshelf.

Cloud does pretty good, but Zack...actually, Angeal isn't sure what that is.

Zack called it art, so they were gonna go with that.

That's how they spent the rest of the evening, making wierd art that makes people stare in wonder and confusion.

12. Time travel shenanigans where Genesis's Jenova powers interfere with Clouds and now all the SOLDIERS that were in the Shinra tower with them when it happened have been turned into catboys.

It doesn't really change anything. It's still business as usual, just with a few extra appendages.

Angeal, who wasn't there at the time, has to muffle his laughter everytime he sees his friends.

It doesn't help that the company is pushing for Sephiroth to do a commercial showing off his new assets.

AC Cloud escaped and is on the run, but it's so much harder to blend in when you have cat ears on your head 24/7. Maybe he could wear a hat, but he wasn't sure what to do about the tail.

13. You remember that part in advent children where those monsters came out of the shadows that the remnants sent after Cloud?

Yeah, Cloud can do that. Not the, "summon eldrich monsters" thing, though he can probably do that too. I mean the "sinking into your own shadow to travel at high speeds/ through cracks in walls".

He finds this out by getting out of bed and falling into his shadow and slinking around like that until someone notices him.

He can't speak, so Barret and the others think the little shodow thing ate their blond friend or something.

Cloud is so frustrated and confused from being stuck in his shadow. Poor guy.

14. Gang leader Cloud x Mafia boss Sephiroth

15. Au where most things are the same, but Cloud and Sephiroth are both demons.

Sephiroth was raised in Shinra and frequently studies his dead race, believing he is the last of his kind and these books were all that were left of his people.

Then he found Cloud, who hated him on sight. As it turns out, Sephiroth is from the Cresent family. A clan of notoriously powerful and cruel demons with silver hair. What's worse is that the man was from the Strife clan, his family's enemy.

They had been at war for eons, with the Cresent family often becoming infatuated or obsessed with a Strife. They even had a phrase, which translated to, "Little song bird, you would look so pretty in a cage"

Needless to say the blond wanted nothing to do with him. So naturally, Sephiroth kidnapped him.

Demon Vincent is kind of there in the background, hiding himself like a smart person and watching over his blond friend and his deceased lover Lucricia's nephew. He allows most things, but ninjas his way in when he feels things are going too far.

[jimlingss]

Jungle Park [10]

Chapter 9 - Chapter 10 - Chapter 11

➜ Words: 6.8k

➜ Genres: Fluff, Light Humour (?), Slice of Life, Workplace Romance!AU

➜ Summary: The equation is simple. Hoseok needs to hire someone. You need a job. Except like any actual equation, it’s not fucking simple at all! Not when you have to add the fact that he was forced to hire someone he doesn’t want in his office, he has little respect for your job in general, and oh yeah...once upon a time you might have—*CENSORED*.

It’s another one of those nights.   “Hello! Where are we off to this evening?”   “Blue Plaza restaurant, please.”   “Certainly.” Your hands grip the wheel and you glance behind your shoulder to make sure the coast is clear before pulling off the curb of the road, making it towards the destination.   Things have been working out well lately. With the extra shifts you’ve been taking on, driving for nights on end, you were able to pay your bills at the end of the month and then some. Your savings were accumulating nicely, giving you a head start on rent for next month. And from being ahead of the finance game, you were able to take fewer shifts and catch up on much needed sleep. It also helped that you were getting a bonus soon since it was the end of the year.   For the first time in a while, things were going pretty great.   A sudden loud clang on the side of the little taxi snaps you out of your thoughts and you peek in the rear-view mirror to find a passenger. Immediately, you rip off your seat belt, opening your door to help her in, but she beats you to the punch and finally opens her own door, falling into your backseat in a drunken mess.   “Are you alright?” You twist yourself back to look at her.   The girl has honey blonde locks, dressed in a pretty black dress. She nods, waving her hand tiredly. “Bring me to a hotel,” she slurs her words and sighs tiredly, pressing her cheek against the passenger leather seat in front of her.   “Pardon?” Right when you’re about to ask her to repeat herself and clarify what hotel, the gorgeous female suddenly whines and from your peripheral vision, you notice someone coming towards the cab. He’s carrying a taupe coat in his arms, probably belonging to the girl, and you notice his mess of black hair, the white dress shirt with sleeves rolled to the elbow and crisp dress pants and leather shoes.   The man’s form emerges from the shadows, becoming visible in the street light. And the familiar timbre of his voice has you whipping back faster than your brain can register, gripping your wheel until your knuckles turn white.   “Wendy! You forgot your coat.” He approaches the door of the taxi, chest rising and falling and he pops his head in, turning towards you. “Sorry about this.”   You make a disgruntled noise from the back of your throat in acknowledgment, refusing to turn around or even glance in the rear-view mirror. The girl, Wendy, tugs his sleeve and clings onto him. “Come wutih hme,” she whines and pleads. “Pretty pleawse? Hoseok?”   Hoseok sighs and relents after a beat, sliding into the backseat and shutting the door. You’re trapped.   “The Downtown Marriott hotel, please,” he says.   You don’t respond, turning on the radio instead as a method of distraction. Your posture is horrific, slumped in your seat, and driving quickly, but still under the speed limit. You’ve been uncomfortable a lot in your life, but this has to be on your top ten list — your day job’s boss sitting in the backseat with his lover while you’re driving, still trying to keep your pathetic night job a secret.   Wendy is clinging onto his arm, pushing herself on his side, breasts pressed against his bicep. Hoseok remains tense. “Come wiutih me. I need you,” she whimpers and before you can stop yourself, your eyes flicker to the rear-view mirror. The woman’s dress is riding up dangerously, thighs rubbing together, practically grinding herself onto him, and you feel sick to your stomach.   There’s only been one time that a pair had intercourse in your backseat. You would’ve kicked them out had they not handed you a hundred in cash to just drive them to a motel. But right now, you don’t know if you can handle if Hoseok and this girl were to go down on each other.   And the discomfort brewing in the pits of your intestines is not just because you’re a driver who doesn’t want passengers to make a mess or even because he’s your boss.   The horrible feeling begins somewhere deeper. A green monster crawls upon your shoulder, creeping over your body and a lump forms in your throat. You wish you didn’t care. You’re not supposed to care. But you do.   Envy. Jealousy. Hurt. Betrayed. He never told you that he was with someone. But maybe you should’ve known better. There was no reason he should’ve told you if he was with someone either. It’s not like you’re friends. He owes you nothing. Pathetic. Idiotic. Foolish. Naive.   You damn yourself over and over again, tears stinging and burning your eyes.   “You’re drunk, Wendy.”   “No. ‘M not,” she cries out. “Touch me, Hoseok.”   “Stop it.” It’s a firmer whisper this time and you peek at the mirror. “You’ll regret this.”   “No. Won’t. Promise.” Her reddened, velvet lips latch onto his neck. She cuddles up to him, practically on his lap.   “I think you missed the turn,” Hoseok suddenly pipes up, disregarding the female and looking out the front windshield. You jump at the sound of his voice addressing you.   “Sorry,” you manage to mutter underneath your breath.   Your eyes betray you again, glancing in the rear-view mirror and you’re surprised when his eyes meet yours. Hoseok stares, locking his gaze, and he tilts his head ever so slightly. His brows furrow, lips parted...but then his trance is broken by the girl at his side. “I don’t feel so well.”   “Are you okay?” He pats her back gently and scans her features. “Do you need to throw up?”   “No, not that. Wanna lie down.”   “We’re almost there.”   Hoseok keeps looking at the mirror while you keep your pupils glued on the road. Thankfully, you make it there in the next two minutes and the door opens. Wendy lugs her legs out and slumps over your yellow vehicle. The cold chills sweep in, stealing away the heat. “Thirty dollars,” you grumble in a low voice.   Hoseok digs into his pants pocket, pulling out his wallet and handing you the correct amount. With your head kept forward, your arm awkwardly bends back. Your hands accidentally graze each other when he gives you the money, his skin ghosting on yours and it has you ripping your arm away like his touch burns. You cringe at how suspicious you’re acting.   “Excuse me.” Instead of leaving, he stays put as if waiting for you to turn around. “Excuse me?”   “Whatta you waiting for? Hoseok,” Wendy whines and shivers against the wind, stomping her feet and crying out for him.   He finally looks away. “Okay, hold on.”   The lawyer gets out, shutting the door as the girl leans on him. But before he can turn around and peek his head through the window again, you slam your foot on the gas pedal. The taxi zips away, out of sight.   //   Sometimes you wonder why you like to suffer so much. While sitting next to Jimin at a conference table and looking over some details for the party, you imagine a world where you felt closer to the brunette rather than his dark haired partner. Being with any boss is inappropriate and irresponsible, but if you had a choice, you would’ve vouched for him without a second beat.   Jimin has been nothing but kind to you since the first day you arrived. He is benevolent and understanding. You have confidence that he would treat you well and not let you feel so miserable. If only you had a say in the matter. If only you had a choice. If only…   “Y/N?” He lifts his head, his brown irises meeting in yours. “Are you listening?”   “Yeah, sorry, Jimin.” You shake your head, blinking, and bringing yourself back into reality.   “Is there something bothering you?” He sits straight, giving you his full attention.   “I know this is inappropriate to ask….”   “It’s fine.” Jimin leans in and gives you a cheeky grin, eyes crinkled in half moons. “We’ll keep it between you and me. No one else has to know.”   You smile, put more at ease and it gives you the courage to take a leap. “How...how old is Hoseok’s girlfriend?” It’s not like you particularly care about her age, but you find it’s a better technique than straight out asking if he has a significant other or not.   “Girlfriend?” Jimin has a bewildered expression. “Hoseok doesn’t have a girlfriend.”   “Oh.” You swallow and the lump in your throat has magically vanished. “I thought I saw him with someone last night.”   “No.” The lawyer giggles. “Trust me, if he had a girlfriend, I would know. I’m the poor kid’s only friend.”   “I...see…” There’s a chance you were mistaken, but they looked close. Maybe it was a one night stand or maybe Jimin’s mistaken and his friend is just exceptionally good at hiding a secret. Then again, you know Hoseok can’t lie or keep a secret for the life of him. Then just who was she?   Jimin’s irises twinkle in interest. “Is there a reason?”   “No, I’m just curious,” you brush off and flip through the list of vendors. “Yesterday, they seemed pretty close.”   “Hmm…” His lips are pouted. “No, don’t worry. He’s been single for years now. The man knows nothing, but work.”   “I—...I wasn’t worried.”   Jimin hums a note and looks through your notes, choosing colours for the streamers and decorations. After a moment of quietness, he pipes up again. “Speaking of which, you should run over all this with Hoseok too.”   “Does he not know?”   “He has an idea, but he doesn’t know it’s coming up soon.”   “Yeah, I can do that.”   //   No, you can’t do it.   You realize it now that you’re standing in his office, sitting across from him as he tears his eyes away from the computer monitor and to your face. Your palms are clammy and your forehead is sweating. No matter what he does, you can’t help but think of the other woman kissing up all over him and it makes you severely uncomfortable to where you think you might just pass out. Maybe if you did, you could go on medical leave and get away from this.   “A Christmas party?”   He echos your words, hearing them after a delayed moment.   “Holiday office party,” you correct. “It’s inclusive for everyone.”   He looks over the papers that you’ve presented him with, skimming the budget and break down of costs. “This is a waste of time and resources. All the years before, we just had a thirty dollar cake in the break room during lunch.”   “No, we’re not doing that this year.” A spark of annoyance finds itself in your voice. “I looked it over with Inyoung and this is perfectly in the budget.”   Hoseok doesn’t hide that he’s impressed with how meticulous you are with this. “And how many people will there be?”   “Anyone in the office and their families and any partners. Maximum of three other people per employee. It’s reasonable and everyone can fit in here.” It goes quiet for a second and you add, “Jimin’s already approved.”   “There’s potential for liability issues. If someone gets drunk—” It’s obvious that the two of you are thinking of the same person...Taehyung. “—then that would be unpleasant for all parties.”   “I’ll hold a seminar beforehand,” you reason with him, for once stern and refusing to waver. “Everyone needs this. It’ll be good for office morale. We can afford to—”   “Okay.” Hoseok cuts you off with a beaming smile. “I never opposed to it, Y/N.”   “Okay.” You release a breath of relief before shifting on your feet, not knowing what else to say. “Well, since there’s nothing else...I should go...”   “Wait. Y/N. You don’t have to feel uncomfortable around me.”   “Pardon?”   “I’m sorry. Last week when I reprimanded you for being late, I realize that it was overly excessive. I was being unprofessional and letting other matters affect me. It had nothing to do with you. I’m sorry for that.”   “Oh. That’s not—... umm...i-it’s okay. It’s understandable.” For a moment, you thought he was mentioning something about last night. “I know that your position is stressful. Not everyone can do it, so I understand.”   “I just thought it was my responsibility to let you know that.” He nods and then hesitates, staring at you intensely that it’s bringing you to a sweat. “One more thing….do you….do you do anything in your free time?”   You frown. “What do you mean?”   Hoseok decides to cut straight to the point. “What were you doing last night?”   “I was at home.” The lie comes easier than expected, rolling off your tongue without needing to consider it. “Is there something the matter?”   “No. I thought I saw you, that’s all.” He smiles, leaning back in the swivel chair.   “Well, there’s supposedly seven people in the world that’s supposed to look like you,” you tell him with mischief glimmering in your orbs, drawing him away from the subject.   Hoseok grins. “Somehow, I doubt that.”   “Me too.” You don’t think there’s anyone else in the world that’s like Jung Hoseok and you hope there isn’t anyone like you, someone who’s dumb enough to keep running back again when they’ve been kicked too many times.   //   The more seminars and meetings you lead, the easier it becomes. It doesn’t feel like you’re in a room full of strangers anymore. Some way or another, you know each person. “It’s an after work party, so feel free to wear whatever.”   Lisa lifts her hand to clarify. “Does that mean we don’t have to follow the dress code?”   “Yes. We encourage people to wear festive things, but you can wear whatever you want as long as it's appropriate. If you don’t know, feel free to swing it by me and I can check it out. Better safe than sorry.”   Taehyung’s arm shoots into the air. “Can we wear nothing?”   “No.” You shoot down the horrific idea without a second to spare. “You must be fully clothed.”   “Are you an idiot?” Sunyi gives an incredulous expression and his mouth draws open in offense.   “It’s a genuine question!”   “Will there be food?” Jin asks the important questions and you nod.   “Yes, we will have catering, so don’t worry about that. They’ll be rotisserie chicken, steak, fish, and also a vegetarian option.” There are satisfied exchanges and murmurs that ripple through the room and you continue with a smile, “Also, please remember that this party is not an excuse to get drunk.”   Seulgi’s eyes glimmer in interest. “They’ll be drinks?”   “Yes, but everything in moderation, please. Remember that whatever you do, it will haunt your professional career and goals forever. This is not a frat party. This is not a school reunion. You are not in your own home. It’s a family friendly workplace office.”   You convey the message loud and clearly. It’s pathetic, really, but a simple approving look from Hoseok is all it takes for you to feel accomplished.

The party begins a week later when the night sky has been painted over the horizon. People are scattering on the streets and entering toasty buildings to hide from the chilly breeze nipping at their noses. The sidewalks are illuminated from street lamps and twinkling fairy lights. Hoseok’s own eyes are being blinded by the mosaic of colours strung on the fake coniferous tree in the center of the office floor.   There’s festive music playing in the back, melting together with the murmur of conversations and creating a cheerful atmosphere. There are snacks on the table, fruit punch and eggnog, gingerbread and chocolate chip cookies, s’mores, a basket of candy canes, rice krispies and cupcakes and a veggie tray. The real catering food will be served later on, but everyone seems to be enjoying themselves so far. There are two kids who are secretly sneaking the cookies into their pockets, adults mingling and drinking together, other kids running around even when they’re not supposed to, and a teenager in the corner, doing nothing less than brooding.   Most employees are hanging out with their family or friends they brought along, but Hoseok hangs back with Yoongi who didn’t invite anyone either.   “Y/N did a good job, huh,” Yoongi remarks.   “I expect nothing less.” Hoseok smiles, arms crossed as he leans on the wall outside of his office.   “I’m surprised you approved it.” The lawyer sips on his eggnog. “Didn’t you say that parties were a waste of resources?”   “Well...I might’ve changed my mind.” Hoseok’s eyes betray him and they stray off. He finds Jimin having fun playing host, entertaining friends and husbands and wives. But his pupils continue to move until he catches sight of you. You’re colouring at a table with a four-year old before dragging over the teenager in the corner to help you with a snowflake craft.   Yoongi follows his line of sight and cocks his eyebrow upwards. “Are you sleeping together?”   He frowns and looks away. “What?”   “Hey, I don’t know.” Yoongi’s lips are pouted, rounded cheeks puffed out and he shrugs nonchalantly like he means no malice in his question. “For you to be into office parties is frankly shocking. We didn’t even have a cake for my birthday.”   “Oh, come on, Yoongi.” Hoseok laughs and throws an arm over his friend’s shoulder. “You still can’t be bitter about that.”   “I wanted vanilla buttercream sponge cake,” he timidly mumbles. “It’s not a lot to ask for.”   “Want me to go run and get it?”   “It’s not my birthday anymore.” It’s obvious that the man is still holding a grudge and is resentful. The taller male can’t help but laugh loudly at how childish Yoongi is. He also can’t remember the last time he had a casual conversation that wasn’t about work or clients or things related to the court. They’re both workaholics to the core — the only difference is that Hoseok has better habits than Yoongi.   “Okay, okay. I’ll make sure to get the biggest cake when it’s your birthday again and I’ll tell Y/N and Jimin to make it big. We’ll have a festa honouring you.”   Min Yoongi grumbles. It’s amusing how young he looks, like a boy who could pass as a middle school student, yet his personality is that of an old man’s. There are occasional bursts of energy that course through his small body, mostly when he’s teasing and bothering Sunyi for his own enjoyment. But a lot of the time, Yoongi comes across as tired and lethargic. Not a lot of people know, but Hoseok has always been sort of a battery pack for his friend.   They’ve been friends for a long while, having articled at the same place together years ago while they were students-at-law, much like Jungkook is now. The two men both understand each other the most since they share a passion in work. Hoseok has always been more resilient against stress and acts as a stable pillar for Yoongi to lean on. On the other hand, Yoongi is one of the few that know about Hoseok’s true nature and the struggle of how being the strict boss contrasts against his personality.   “You can relax, you know,” he comments while fiddling with a few snack bags on the table.   “I am relaxed.”   “You’re watching.”   “Well, it’s my job, right?”   “You shouldn’t feel so pressured to be the boss all the time.” Yoongi bites into a s’more and hums in approval. He stacks four more onto his plate and then follows Hoseok back to the corner of the room where it’s quieter. “Jimin and you play weird games of bad cop and good cop and I think you’ve been bad cop for too long.”   The corner of his mouth tugs. “Then maybe we should make you a partner of the firm so you can be bad cop.”   “I wouldn’t be a cop,” Yoongi corrects and chews thoughtfully before inspecting the next graham cracker s’more to make sure none of the kids put random shit on it. “I’d be an army sergeant.”   “Oh please, you can act tough all you want, but you’re a squishy marshmallow, Min.”   The lawyer narrows his eyes. “You’re beginning to sound like Sunyi.”   Hoseok laughs, putting his arm around his friend’s shoulder again. “Thank you for your consideration, Yoongi.” The moment his lips pucker, Yoongi’s already trying to pull away, bending backwards and disgusted by the idea of Hoseok’s mouth plastering on his cheek. They push and pull, making Yoongi groan and yell something about sexual harassment and filing a report with you before Hoseok giggles and lets go.   “Oh please, you act like we haven’t spanked each other before.”   “Don’t remind me,” he mutters. “And don’t remind Jimin either.”   When the two men laugh boisterously and happily, Yoongi infected by Hoseok’s giggles, it catches your attention and you look over. A smile spreads across your face to see that they’re enjoying themselves. And even though you return to playing with Taehyung’s cousins and Seulgi’s younger brother, your ears are perked and hyper aware, capturing each of the man’s sounds, voice and laughter, whether you want to or not.   //   The little office party continues into the night. The catering arrives and everyone forms a line at the buffet table, balancing plates of food on their hands. There’s also karaoke and somehow Lisa convinced Yoongi to sing Santa Baby, and he’s decided to serenade an embarrassed Sunyi who was trying to braid Naul’s granddaughter’s hair. The hired Santa also arrives right on time. Jimin wanted to be Santa, but you didn’t think it would be appropriate since not only were kids sitting on his lap, but also Taehyung and Jin. The troublemakers also peer pressured tipsy Namjoon and Jungkook to sit on Santa’s lap and tell the stranger what they hope is in his red sack when he comes to visit their home at night.   In the meanwhile, you’re finally taking a break and standing back to observe the masses.   “You did a good job.” Hoseok slides beside you, handing you a cup of eggnog that you take gratefully, but you’re still caught off guard from his praise.   “I-it’s nothing, really.”   “No, we haven’t had such a great office party in so long.” He turns with a smile. “You sure you don’t want to permanently switch into party planning?”   You grin at him. “You’re not getting rid of me so easily, Jung. I’m going to stay here as HR for a long time.”   “Good.” There’s a slight pause. “Is there anything you want for Christmas?”   “What do you mean?” The office didn’t do Secret Santa or any kind of exchange of presents this time around. You thought there was already a lot going on this year and you didn't want to pressure anyone to give gifts.   Hoseok shrugs. “If it weren’t for you, Jimin would try to organize something and get stressed and he would come to me complaining. You save the two of us a lot of trouble. And you gave this office a party, so maybe I can give you something in return...if it’s in my ability of course.”   A hum leaves your throat and you pretend to think. “How about an apartment complex?”   He scoffs. “I don’t think so.”   “Then a raise?” It starts off as a joke, but when he doesn’t immediately laugh it off, you stand straighter, unable to resist the glimmer of hope that seeps into your irises.   “Hmm….” The edge of his lip pulls into a smirk. “We'll see about that.”   “Wait. Really?!”   “Maybe.” Jung Hoseok throws a brief wink in your direction. “No promises.”   Your mouth draws open. But before you can make any reply, Dahyun has padded across the room in quick steps, holding a white note in her hand. “Hoseok, there’s someone here for you.”   He frowns, taking the note and opening it. “Who?”   “Me.” Someone glides into sight with her high heels skimming along the carpet. Her red dress hugs her frame and curves, honey blonde locks draping over her shoulder, arms crossed and black purse slung on her shoulder. You recognize her immediately, only she’s more put together this time.   Hoseok’s brows raise. “Wendy?”   Dahyun dips her head, taking the cue to leave. The woman’s red stained lips expand into a smile and she reaches over, giving a hasty squeeze before parting away from the lawyer. “Thought you run out on me permanently.” Her eyes roam towards you and her pretty eyes become even bigger. “And who is this?”   “I’m Y/N.” You shake her hand, musing how dainty and soft it is. “I work here as HR.”   “HR, huh?” Wendy steps back and eyes you up and down once. “I’m Hoseok’s fiancée.”   There’s a moment of silence.   The woman bursts out laughing, throwing back her head, and Hoseok is at a complete loss for words. “No, she isn’t. She’s my old mentor,” he rushes to explain in frustration. “Can you please stop making that joke?”   “But I love the look on your face, kid.” She brushes him off and turns to you, covering her mouth with a single hand as if she could block him from hearing. “Don’t worry, I’m about twenty years too old for him.”   “Twenty?”   “I have nothing against large age gaps, but I prefer my men mature,” she disses Hoseok with a cackle. “And between you and me, I’m turning fifty two this year. But between me and the rest of the world, I’m still in my late twenties.”   “Th-that’s amazing. You look really young.” You’re completely baffled, not able to detect a wrinkle on her face, only faint lines that you thought were from smiling so much. “I mean….really young. I thought you were younger than me.”   “I love her already.” Wendy briefly grins at Hoseok. “You flatter me too much, but trust me, it’s all the expensive creams and makeup.” Her perfectly manicured fingernail points to her face. “None of this is real, but no one needs to know that.”   “Wendy?” Jimin approaches with a drink in hand. His cheeks are dusted pink and you wonder if Seokjin snuck in a bottle of vodka somewhere. You swore you saw something underneath his desk earlier.   “There you are!” The older woman goes over to hug the brunette. “I can’t believe you didn’t invite your most important client to such a great party.”   You frown, confused at the development. “Client?”   “I’m getting a divorce,” she says to you and waves her hand. “My soon-to-be bastard of an ex-husband had an affair with my sister. It’s terribly complicated and disgusting, so let’s not get into too much detail.” She shifts on her heel and glares at both lawyers in front of you. “I thought who would be better than to deal with my messy divorce than the firm of my smartest mentee. Looks like I was wrong.”   “It’s only for employees,” Jimin giddly giggles out, a bit drunk from the eggnog. “It didn’t even cross my mind that you would want to come.”   “You should know how lonely I am these days.” Wendy wipes a fake tear away from her lower lash line. “But on another note, my secretary called. You wanted me to sign something?”   His eyes light up in recognition and he hums, drinking the rest of his cup before setting it down on the nearby table. “Let me go grab it.”   The man saunters off towards his office and the older woman is left longingly staring at his empty cup, unusually quiet for a while. Then after a deep inhale, she looks off at you. “Say….where can I get myself a drink like that?”   “You’re not allowed to drink,” Hoseok spits out.   Her arched brow lifts. “Says who.”   “Me.” He is unamused. “You’re a liability when you drink and I really can’t help your case if you’re sued for sexual harassment. Plus, I have a responsibility to protect my employees.”   The almost-divorcee snaps at him like it isn’t her fault. “If you’re ever in my position, Jung, you’ll learn how desperate you become when you’re lonely.”   Hoseok rolls it off his shoulders, not granting any leeway. “Yeah, well, there are kids around. This isn’t a bar or adult party. You’re in my office right now, so you go by my rules.”   “What are you trying to insinuate? That I can’t handle my drink?”   “That you would fool around with a lamp if you’re drunk enough.”   While they bicker back and forth, you watch the exchange between them, trying to observe the dynamic of their relationship. Though it doesn’t take long before you’re interrupted and she spins to face you like you can help defend her position. “These accusations!”   “Y/N.” Hoseok is visibly becoming exhausted and his voice is pleading. “Is there any non alcoholic eggnog left?”   You hitch your thumb over your shoulder, already turning. “I’ll go check.”   “Thank you.”   Wendy grumbles in dissatisfaction. Yet, she helplessly complies and watches you stroll away. Hoseok becomes quieter as well, eyes still pinned at your backside without you noticing, and the woman steals the opportunity when it’s just the two of them. She finally asks the question that’s been on the tip of her tongue ever since she caught sight of you. “Is that your girl?”   The scrunch between his brows is made immediately. “Pardon?”   “She’s a cute one,” the woman muses. “Very pretty and seems like the sweet type.”   “She’s my employee.”   “Never stopped anyone.”   “It’s unprofessional and inappropriate.”   “Doesn’t have to be if you’re responsible enough.”   Hoseok is completely done with the exuberant lady and is ready to call it quits when he offers one last sullen expression. “Didn’t you tell me a long time ago not to shit where I eat?”   “Well, you eat and shit at home and no one cares.” The woman shrugs, not having much regard for boundaries anymore when her dry spell has lasted for ten years due to her shitty spouse. “Maybe you’ve just found that home.”   “You are unbelievable.” Hoseok disregards her with a sigh and slight smile, shaking his head.   “You’ve become too jaded,” she notes and coos at him, “The Hoseok I knew from five years ago was bright and bubbly. He was cheerful, positive, and maybe a bit too loud for my eardrums.”   Part of him wants to say that he’s still those things, except he doesn’t feel like arguing. “Well...things change.”   “I’m not so sure about that.” Wendy smirks. “Before I interrupted you, it seems like you were having a good old dandy time. Haven’t seen you smile like that in a long time.” She pats his shoulder once. “Good to have you back, Hoseok.”   Jimin returns with the paper and she signs it. Hoseok is stuck contemplating on what she said, what Yoongi said as well, and he doesn’t notice when you come back with the drink. Wendy soon closes up the conversations, citing that she has some place to be and she needs to pick up her daughter before her soon-to-be ex-husband brainwashes the child into hating her own mother, something Wendy doesn’t doubt he would do. You nod and she hugs you, letting you know with a whisper in your ear that it was a pleasure to meet you. She doesn’t even bid goodbye to Hoseok and Jimin when she saunters away and the former mutters something about her being cruel.   Just like that, the party returns in full swing. Eventually, you find yourself standing next to Seulgi’s younger brother who you pulled away from the corner a few hours ago, away from his phone, and now keeps glancing at you. You’re merciful enough to pretend not to notice, though it’s beginning to make you sweat.   “So….” He tries to break the ice and you commemorate his bravery. “Do you have a boyfriend?”   Seulgi would probably not appreciate her younger sibling’s antics at the moment.   “How old are you?”   “Old enough….” His cheeks become rosy and he adds, “....in a few months.”   “Y/N.” Someone thankfully saves the day since the last thing you want to do is politely reject someone’s advances at a holiday party, and a teenager at that who’s at risk of feeling insecure. The angel that rescues you is standing just a meter to your left and you’re practically holding a sign that reads ‘thank you’. “Would you like to discuss that raise now?”   “Y-yes, of course.” You bid the teenager goodbye before walking off with the man that has his black dress shirt tucked in his dress pants, sleeves rolled up to his elbows as usual. His hair is gelled back to reveal his forehead, except for a section of his bangs that curl into a comma shape. Yet, even when he appears incredibly professional for a casual dress code, the plate stacked with a tower of cookies contrasts against his appearance.   “I had to wrestle this away from the kids,” he tells you quietly and you stifle back a laugh.   “Are we really going to discuss the raise?”   “Nah, maybe some other time if you don’t mind. Just thought you should get a break.” Hoseok leads you to the elevator and pushes the button to the ninth floor. “You seem tired.”   You’re surprised at his observational skills and consideration. “I’m not feeling too bad.”   “You didn’t invite anyone? No family?”   You shake your head. “I’m going home over the holidays anyway, so I’ll be spending a lot of time with my mom.”   “That’s good.” Hoseok also decided not to invite his sister, lest she come in and make an embarrassment of himself in front of the entire firm and have her treat him like a literal baby. He was going home too and there would be plenty of time for the siblings to re-acquaint themselves and want to rip each other’s heads off by the end of the week.   The elevator doors part and you’re met with a completely vacant floor. The walls are empty, space unoccupied, carpet illuminated by the outside light pollution and it’s peacefully silent.   “It’s...empty?”   Hoseok hums and walks off to where the windows take up the entire wall. He opens the latch at the bottom that lets a sliver of air into the floor. You can hear the cars rushing past, the white noise of the metropolis drowning in the back. “It’s been up for rent for the past month. No one’s here, so it’s a nice and quiet place.”   The city view is absolutely phenomenal, the entire skyline and lit skyscrapers are right in front of your eyes. It’s a beautiful onlook of the city. The lights twinkle together like stars, giving you a sense of what a modern picturesque painting would look like.   You sit down on the carpet and Hoseok plops beside you, cookies placed in between.   Soon, the sound of chewing blurs together with the noise of tires on highways.   “Thanks,” you murmur.   “For what?”   “I don’t know.” You shrug, thanking him for being so kind, for being so friendly when he has no reason to. But all you manage to say is— “This.”   A grin draws on his face and he reaches for another sugar cookie. “It’s what friends are for, right?”   “....friends?”   “Well, I’m still your boss and you’re my employee, but you told me that we were friends once, right?”   A sense of sad nostalgia hits you and it makes you sadder that you’re the only one who feels it, that he has absolutely no recollection. “Yeah….we were.”   “It’s easy to talk to you,” he admits quietly mid-chew and you fiddle with the hem of your sweater. “Sometimes I’m afraid I lost myself, but with you….I don’t really feel that way anymore.” Hoseok quirks his head to the side, a sharp inhale taken from the seams of his sugary lips and it’s almost like he’s commenting to himself, “I bet we were close.”   “Nah. Not really.” You laugh and your knees gather together, eyes still staring out at the city and soaking in the breaktaking sight.   “You know, I wish I had your job,” he says out of the blue.   “Why?” You’re smiling already and you reach out for a cinnamon cookie on the plate, snapping as you bite down and the sweet taste exploding on your tongue.   “You’re the fun one around here,” he whines childishly. “Planning parties and retreat trips and helping people with their problems.”   “I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone call HR fun.” You giggle while finding a way to make him feel better. “I have to enforce a lot of the firm’s rules. I’m not that fun. And you can be fun too.”   “No, I can’t. I’m the mean, old boss around here.” His hands come out in front of him and his fingers wiggle like he’s going to attack you with tickles. “The devil.”   You laugh at how playful he’s being and you loll your head to one side. “Too bad no one knows that you’re really just a goofball.”   “I wouldn’t say a goofball.” He pouts exaggeratedly, bottom lip jutting out. You almost forgot that Jung Hoseok had a knack for being cringely cute and used to use that technique to get what he wanted, back in the days when his words weren’t so persuasive.   “Then a dork?”   He gasps theatrically, sitting straighter. “How can you call me that? I’ll fire you.”   “Jimin would never let you,” you tease him and his infamous pout returns while he licks the frosting off his thumb and picks a gingerbread cookie out of the pile next. If the pair of you end up with cavities before the end of the year, you wouldn’t be surprised, but you’re enjoying the moment too much to stop. “If you really want, we can do a job switch. I would be more than happy to be a boss for a day.”   “And risk you ruining all our client files?” The lawyer shakes his head. “You’d probably piss yourself in front of the court and ruin our name forever. I can already see the headlines: ‘lawyer soils pants in front of judge’.”   He laughs hysterically at the idea much to your dismay. “Hey! I am….decent at public speaking, okay?!”   He’s still chortling, cheeks aching and he continues with the upper hand, “You could never be the boss. No one would take you seriously. You’re too cute.” Hoseok’s clean hand lifts to affectionately pull on your cheek in the gentlest of touches. You jab at his ribs and he jolts away with a yell.   Your cheeks heat up unwarranted. “I’ll sue for verbal abuse!”   “Calling you cute is verbal abuse?” He eyes you and you’re fully aware that he doesn’t mean it flirtatiously. He’s always been friendly, outgoing, and upbeat. In his heyday, a lot of people would become mistaken from his personality, so you know better than to take the comment to heart.   “You’re giving me psychological trauma. Plus, I know plenty of lawyers who would be happy to sue you.” You put your hands on your hips. “They just so happen to be on the lower floor right now.”   Hoseok laughs loudly at your insinuation of his employees celebrating at the idea of suing him in court. He backs off right away. “Okay, maybe so, but we’re not in the workplace right now. Last I checked, this is after hours and we’re technically no longer in the firm.”   “We’re still in a five hundred meter radius and you’re still technically my boss.”   “You’re gonna need some kind of witness or evidence so your case isn’t built purely on hearsay.”   It’s quiet for a long moment. You’re not sure how you’ll win this battle and after thinking, all you come up with is a mumbled— “.....dammit.”   Hoseok laughs again and then he pats his chest several times where his heart should be. “Don’t worry. I won’t give you a reason to sue me, but if you ever need to sue someone, hire me. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, you know. I don’t just offer my services to anyone. Now I know my specialty is in divorce matters, but I still have a wide skill set.”   “The only person I would ever need to sue is you.” The mischievous glint in your irises are unmistakable. “And you obviously can’t be my lawyer if I’m suing you.”   “You’re right.” Hoseok grins happily, a faint dimple pressed in his cheek. “That would be an obvious conflict of interest.”   The open sliver of air lets in a cold breeze. You should be shivering from the winter wind that nips at your nose and brings chills to your spine, frost bites that nibble at your skin. But when you’re doing something as simple as sitting next to Hoseok on a quiet floor, you can’t feel anything cold inside or out.   It’s warm.

[prettieparker86]

In The Bleak Midwinter || Part 13

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10,  Part 11 & Part 12

Announcement Please See Note Below...

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Reader

Warning: Adult situations, flashbacks, mentions trauma, talk of abortion, Violence

Gif Credit: @thomasshelbyltd   @cillianmurphydaily  @peakyblindersdaily    @sikanapanele  Thank you for letting me use your beautiful gifs!

Tag: @lainey-lane​, @pindlemouse, @ thelastemzy, @helloandreabeth, @fandoms-broke-my-life,  @shelbysbushblog, @accio-witty-username, @iamtheonewhocares, @infinitelycharmed23, @kingsmanstories, @shelby-gin-limited, @taylxr0, @sympathyfortheblinderdevil, @neversleeping4am, @icebluegriffin  @johhnshelby, @ subhamamu @ unicorn-glitter-princess @thatsamegirl, @mafaldaz, @cafe-sabor-a-chocolate,  @collegecatlady,  @20th-centu-fairy-girl, @xlightning-disasterx  @niiight-dreamerrrr  @i-shouldbepainting  @dermittts  @stylesbooze

Authors Note: I really don’t like this chapter, but I give up. I’m washing my hands of it. It’s given me nothing but grief. I had high hopes for it and frankly, I think it’s cabbage. So Sorry ahead of time.

Also, when Polly mentions things being in their blood because they’re gypsies, and having some deep insight/foresight/psychic intuition. I am going purely off the character established in season four. This is in no way a reflection of actual romani cultures. And I mean absolutely no disrespect in anyway.

Announcement: 

So, I wasn’t going to say anything. I was just to switch it out and call it a day, but then I worried it might be confusing if people noticed. So I’m just gonna own it... I hated the Tommy and Fiona scene, so I changed it. I didn’t want to leave up something I didn’t love. So what that means is there will be two versions of this chapter floating around, because it’s already been reblogged (Thank you for that! You guys are the best!). So just be aware of that. If you happen to notice it, you’re not crazy, I’m owning what I did. You can decide which version of the chapter you like best. Thank you!

You can’t sleep. Your demons won’t let you rest. The threat of your impossible future haunts you into all hours of the night. Long after everyone else has succumb to sleep. You toss and turn, staring up at the ceiling, an itchy nagging feeling just under your skin until you finally give up and get out of bed. You’re running yourself a glass of water, trying not to wake the rest of the house, when you hear a noise come up from behind you in the kitchen – a creak of a board, a shuffle of movement. 

Spinning around quick, you hadn’t expected company in the dead of night like this, but you can’t say you’re surprised to find it’s Polly standing there, candle steady in her hand. Looking gorgeous as ever in her short curls and flowing nightdress against the dancing flame of the candle. You smile at her, the sight a pleasant surprise. A comforting one against the anxiousness the grips you tight tonight.

“Can’t sleep?” She asks, like a mother would to a child. Caring for you and after you in a way you haven’t experienced since you lived with your aunt Brona right after the birth of Finn.

You shake your head no, in response, placing your glass down on the counter, a forgotten thought before you’ve barely had a sip.

But Polly doesn’t mince words or opportunities as she places down the candle on the butcher’s block beside the stove and moves toward you as if she can see the anxiousness churning inside you.

“A’right then, so you’re up the duff?” She inquires without hesitation, without judgment, and the lack of reprisal on her breath and in her eyes settles some of the shame you’ve been flogging yourself with for days now.

“I believe so.” You answer quietly, eyes scanning around to ensure no one is in ear shot, but the house is quiet as a church, not even a board squeaks.

“When was your last flow?” She inquiries bluntly, getting straight to the point. Her big dark eyes holding you in the shadows that surround you both. She speaks with ease, but still her words threaten to swallow you alive with the magnitude of the answer as you muster the courage to speak.

“I don’t know.” You whisper as your face falls from hers, feeling foolish. 

You know it’s the sort of thing you should know without doubt, especially since you crawled into Tommy’s bed and never came out. A line you swore you’d never cross again after all the heartache and struggles you’ve endured to bring Finn into this world and then keep him alive. 

Even with the factory laborer, you had been careful, diligent, to do everything in your power to ensure you didn’t become pregnant. But with Tommy everything seemed so different. You were feeling things you never thought you would feel again. You thought with the tea… You see now you thought wrong.

“With John, an’ the Italians, there’s been so much... One, maybe two months. I can’t- I can’t be certain.” You admit on a shaken whisper, running a frustrated hand down your face, angry with yourself as you try to retrace it in your mind. Ever since coming to Small Heath the days have blended. Living under constant fear of death and grief, and then after Al… it’s been hard to get a good sense of time. But you know full well this is something you should have been diligently monitoring, you feel like a complete failure. 

How could you have been so foolish! One child out of wedlock is an unforgivable sin, but two and by different fathers, you feel a panic coming on just trying to imagine the kind of shame that would accompany that fate. What kind of woman that makes your morally. What kind of mother that makes you, to put Finn’s already fragile joy into jeopardy.

“Could it be iron. Have you tried tablets?” She asks, you see her running down the list of possibilities in her mind before jumping to any conclusions.

You shake your head sadly. “But it’s not just my flow… I’ve been sick lately, light headed sometimes, an’ my breasts are tender... I know what this is Pol.” You tell her, the words starting to choke you up as your throat tightens with an all too familiar fear. 

Heart pounding in your chest as you finally say the words aloud. Making them real and utterly terrifying in a way that plaguing your mind never could. You swore to yourself you’d never experience this again, never find yourself here, and yet, here you are.

“The tea didn’ work. I jus-“ Tears edge at your eyes as your voice wavers. You such in a sharp breath and pull yourself together, holding your belly tight as you force yourself to breath slowly.

“I was hopin’ you might know a woman who can help me.” Those words break your heart. You hate to say them. It’s never something you wanted. Never something you imagined doing. But you can’t do this to Finn. Destroy his world with your carelessness. And you can’t have that monster’s baby and you have no way knowing who the father is. A fact that makes your heart feel sick and leaves you shuttering harder with shame.

“The tea works. Did you forget to take?” Polly is certain, there’s no doubt in her eyes, but there is a peculiar intrigue that seems to light up in her gaze. You wish you could hold on to that same kind of certainty, but this is your body and you can feel what’s happening to it. It’s changing. There’s something inside it and no amount of debate about tea will change that.

Polly steps close to you, her hands unceremoniously reaching for your belly, pushing and palming against your stomach as your secret barely takes shape in her hand.

“No, never.” You finally answer her with a shake of your head, letting her carry out her inspection without a fuss. You swear it, you never forgot. Not once. Not something that important. Your attempts to monitor the situation may have been halfhearted at best, but your attempts to prevent it were steadfast.

Polly suddenly grabs at your breast, brief and quick as you jump a little, startled under her unexpected touch. You watch her eyes narrow with understanding as a quick huff leaves her chest before she quickly steps back.

Polly nods slowly looking you square in the eye to acknowledge the seriousness of your request. “I know a woman, but I warn you this one won’t go easy.” She smiles weakly at you.

You stare into her eyes, fear and confusion coiling and stirring about in your gut as your chest tightens with apprehension. “Why do you say that?” Almost afraid to ask.

She cups your cheeks gently in her weathered hands as she looks you square in the eye.

“Because this baby held on through that bloody match you had with the Italian and Shelby’s never go without a fight.”

Her words hit you like a shockwave, like the floor being ripped out from under you. Tears spring to your eyes with the implication. Your chest suffocating as it pulls in around your heart. “How do you know that? How can you be certain?”

Polly looks you square in the eye, the light of the candle’s flame dancing in her deep whiskey orbs.

“In that noose I died and now it’s as if a window has opened up and things reveal themselves to me... I feel the gypsy blood running through that baby’s veins and I’d guess you’re nearly three months gone.” She tells you without an ounce of doubt of her breath.

Her revelation leaves a rattled breath ripping your lips as tears of relief roll heavy down your cheeks, unable to hold them inside you any longer. You’re taken aback by her words. You don’t know if you believe in spirits and windows, but you can’t deny the unwavering certainty in Polly eyes, and you trust her. You know she would never deceive you over something like this. Never hurt you in such a way.

Her thumb wipes tenderly at your tears. “You thought it was the Italian’s.” Polly states, already seeing the answer in your eyes.

“I was scared. I didn’t know.” You admit on a shaken breath.

“That’s a Shelby growing inside there. And unless you’ve been with Arthur or Finn, it’s Tommy’s.” She tells you, cracking a smile at her joke. Knowing the relief that news must bring to you, but then a seriousness takes hold in her eyes. Polly cups your cheeks more firmly with it, looking you dead in the eye as she speaks.  

“This family’s cursed, Tommy most of all. You should know that before you make your decision. Life would never be easy with him, but it’s a girl and she’s strong like her mum.”

Polly’s words send tears spilling from your eyes all over again. A little girl. Tommy’s girl. Your chest rattles as you suck a deep breath in. Your hand settling low on your stomach as you run your thumb gently over the spot, letting yourself feel connected to this baby for the first time. Instead of solely fearing the weight of it. 

You know Tommy is more tortured than most. Some days half alive, but mostly dead. But you love him, and you love the little family you’ve built together with the boys. And you know there’s no guarantee Tommy will even want this baby. With so many enemy clawing at his back. After losing Grace. You don’t have the luxury of living in dreams, but knowing the baby is Tommy’s changes everything.

Releasing your face, Polly covers your hand with her own over your belly in a show support. “I’ll give you an address for a midwife tomorrow. She can confirm how gone you are without Tommy finding out… Think it over. You know where to find me if you still need my help.” She whispers softly, before placing a tender kiss upon your forehead. Slipping from you side, she leaves you alone with your thoughts as another round of tears rolls slowly off your eyes.

 As you climb back into bed with Tommy, your mind is still a flurry of energy. Counting the days, retracing the steps of how you got here - as Charlie’s nanny, then Tommy’s friend before you became his bed fellow, and now… Now you love him. Deeply. Madly. And though he’s never said it, you’re quite certain he loves you too.  And now his baby is growing inside you, or at least Polly seems quite certain of it. The thought washes over you with uncertainty and excitement as you feel Tommy roll onto his side, reaching for you, wrapping his hand around your waist as he drags you against him in the bed.

“Where’d ya go?” You hear him quietly grumble against the back of your neck. His breath warm and thick with gravel from sleep.

“I was thirsty.” You explain as you feel Tommy pull you deep into the curve of his body, warm, solid, and safe. You focus on the feel of his breath moving evenly against the back of your neck as his arm winds around your waist, resting just above where his baby grows inside you, as he presses against you. You wrap your arm around his at your waist as your heart aches from the distance that still lingers between you. 

You miss him like a hole in your heart nothing else can fill. You haven’t attempted any real intimacy since the night neither of your dare speak of. It’s been over a month, and the reasons for that are just. You were healing, you weren’t ready to be intimate with someone yet and Tommy respected that. But lying here, having just heard Polly’s belief the baby inside you is Tommy’s, you realize you can’t go on like this. You need him. You miss him. You’re ready.

You rock gently against him, listening as Tommy groans quietly against your hair, but nothing more comes of it. It’s been so long and you know him so well, surely, he just assumes you’re readjusting in bed… Until you keep at it. Quietly relieved when you feel him come to life against. Taking solace in knowing some part of him still wants you. Even if it’s just the raw undiluted part of his manhood that can’t be quieted any more than it can be tamed.

“Fiona,” Tommy whispers to you. A hint of uncertainty as his breath flutters the hair tucked behind your ear. His voice so deep and gritty it makes your belly tighten with need and your hips press a little harder against him with the sound of it.

“Tommy,” You whisper back as a hunger you haven’t felt properly in far too long begins to reignite inside you. Your skin craves the feel of his touch, and knowing Tommy’s going to need a little assurance this is what you want - that you’re ready - you reach for his hand at your waist and slip it underneath your nightdress. Feeling shivers ripple under your skin as his palm drags slowly up your thigh to the curve of your hip. Inviting him to touch you.

Your breath quickens off your lips as Tommy slowly wraps his callused hand around the curve of your hip. Molding your flesh in his palm as he pulls you tighter against him.

“Is this a’right?” Tommy asks, bathed in a darkness that fills the room with an electric energy that makes anything possible. Making no assumptions. He needs to hear you say it. Tommy always takes the lead, he needs to feel in control, but after what happened to you, he also needs to know what you’re comfortable with. What you need, because if it was up to him, you’d already be naked and withering beneath him. 

He’s missed you so fucking badly. You’re the anchor in the chaos of his life. You hold him steady when everything else rips apart. But Tommy’s lips struggle to say those words. After the war he’s forgotten what they sound like coming off his breath. He can’t say it, but he can show it. Taking pride in his ability to take you higher than anyone else can, leave you begging for more, but he’s been holding all that back. Not wanting to press you for something you weren’t ready for yet.

“Yes.” Shaken by need, your thighs clench as you ache inside for him. Missing him from the deepest hollows of your heart, you reach for his hand and drag it down between the ache of your thighs.

“Touch me, Tommy.” You beg him, your voice as needy as you feel.

He reacts instantly, his breath hot on your flesh, as he groans against the back of your neck. The sound of it vibrates against you, stirring up memories of that last night before your met with Al. When the room could barely contain you both and all Tommy wanted was you trapped in the cage of his arms and the breath of his lips. Tommy peppers you with kisses as his fingers begin to slowly stroke you, your hips flexing against his touch, desperate for more.

You wither against his touch as his Tommy’s fingers roam and rediscover every place that makes you tick. Back and forth, circling against you until he has your knickers soaked against his deft fingertips. You exhale hard, a little in disappointment when his hand suddenly pulls back, unsure if he’s teasing you or stopping completely, but then you feel Tommy’s slip inside the seam of your knickers, his palm pressing against your belly, before he halts.

You can feel it racing in your heart from the unsteady twitch of his hand. Tommy needs your permission to proceed. The days of bold moves and blanked assumptions feel so far away after the brutality of what happened to you.

“Don’t stop.” Urgent and needy, you push his hand further down between your legs, giving you both what you want.

Tommy’s breath deepens sharply against your skin before it suddenly dies in his throat when his fingers meet your flesh. He groans deeply against your neck like a man on the edge of collapse, you shutter as the sound of it vibrates off your skin. He slips into your wetness and you cry out in relief, so desperate for his touch. Desperate to feel connected to him once again from the most intimate places upon you.

Slowly Tommy explores you like it’s the first time all over again. Making you feel desirable even after what’s been done. His fingers run teasingly along your entrance, sliding back up to rub his slick fingertips against you. As you lean into him, the feel of him sending shockwave rolling through your body with every curl of his finger.

“Tommy…Please…” You whimper and beg losing sense of yourself in his grip as the pressure buried deep between your thighs builds. You bury your face against the pillow to quiet the noise carrying from your lips, trying not to wake the children or anyone else in the thin walls of this home. The coil of your belly and the pang of your heart, tells you you need to feel him inside you again. Feel those rough luscious fingers that pull away at cigarette’s all day long, curl and bury deep within you the way they use to.

But what you don’t know is Tommy needs this just as bad as you do. He’s been patient, never pushing, but the nights have been long and torturous with your warm curves snuggles against him. It’s been killing him to have you beside him, and yet completely untouchable after the damage Al did.

“This what you need, love?” Tommy asks, his breath dangerously low as he sucks on the back of your neck, slipping two fingers within you, and curling them deep.

A gasps rips from your chest, your back arching against his chest as your hips jerk involuntarily into his hand. Your mind goes blank with the feel of the man you love inside you once again, moving within you as if you aren’t damaged, as if he still wants you, always will.

You rock faster against his fingers, hungry with need. It’s been so long, your body is already building and pushing toward release as Tommy reminds you no one can touch you the way he does. Palm flat, rubbing against your sensitive bud, Tommy’s fingers dip within you, keeping perfect rhythm with the frantic rock of your hips. Your body feels hypersensitive after being deprived of him for so long. You feel like you can’t take it, like you can’t catch your breath or the racing of your heart. Quickly your hand reaches behind you to dig and claw in his hair, needing to touch him, needing him to anchor you as you begin to unravel. 

The feel of having Tommy hard against you, his desire pressing at your back as his fingers push deep within you and suddenly your whole body starts to shake with pleasure. Your muscles tense, your breath catching in your throat as ecstasy rushes through your veins and you come hard around his fingers. Waves of rapture drowning you in a sea of bliss that steals the breath from your lips. Trembling and whimpering his name as Tommy holds you against his chest, never slowing down the unrelenting pace of his hand until you stop trembling and pulsing around his digits.

It takes you a moment to catch your breath as you come back down. Exhausted and spent from an explosive release that’s been building inside you for too long, but as Tommy’s hand pulls free, the empty feeling that takes his place tells you you still need him, and the feel of Tommy pressed hard against your back tells you he still needs you too. 

His hand is barely free of your knickers before you’re rolling onto your back to face him and dragging the silk down your legs. You glance over at Tommy in earnest, watching as his fingers slip into his mouth, licking the taste of you clean from his digits.  If you thought his eyes looked dangerous and drunk a moment ago, now they’re down right ravenous and deadly as he pulls his fingers free, humming with the taste of you on his tongue.

You reach for Tommy, the need palpable in your veins as you pull him into a desperate kiss. And Tommy’s just as hungry to taste your mouth as he was your arousal, as his tongue slips past the seam of your lips to stroke your own. Yanking his boxers down his legs, Tommy moves as if they can’t come off him fast enough. Tugging at the strong muscles that line his broad shoulders, you pull Tommy toward you in a frenzy, heart pounding hard for him in your chest. 

Your mouths meld and taste as Tommy slips between your thighs, tugging your nightdress high up on your waist, and out his way. Drowning in the need to taste of each other, Tommy’s tongue strokes you as he settles his weight down in the cradle of your thighs. The feel of his warm body settling across, skin brushing sensitive skin, sends a moan humming off your lips and disappearing into his waiting mouth.

Tommy pulls back for a moment of sanity, cradling your cheek as he stares down into your eyes. The look in his enchanting icy blues suddenly so soft and gentle as he gazes down on you.

“You want to stop, just say the word and it stops, ey?” Tommy promises, stroking his thumb tenderly along your cheek. Needing you to know you’re in control of this and he’d never do anything to you that you didn’t want him to.

For a man so rarely soft with others, his gentleness toward you and the sight of him like this melts your heart and makes you all the more desperate to have him.

“I want you,” You say, words dripping with need as you dig your fingers into his hair, dragging him back down to your lips, rocking your hips against him with impatience.

Tommy breathes hard against your mouth, nearly fucking unraveling at the need on your breath alone. He kisses you hard, the hold of his mouth echoing the words on your lips. Stealing your breath before he plants a trail of pecks and nips along the line of your jaw. Reaching that sensitive spot, just below your ear, Tommy makes you shiver as he runs his teeth over it as he thrusts inside your warm wet depths.

You cry out with the feel of him, full and completely yours once again as your arms clutch wildly around his neck, your legs locking around his hips. Holding him as close as possible, savoring this moment and the way it makes you feel whole and not alone all at the same time.

Tommy stops moving too, steady within you, flooded by the sensation of having you all his once again. Wrapped and clenched tightly around him, the feeling sends a string of curses both romani and English spilling from his lips against your neck as Tommy tries to maintain some semblance of self-control.

Tommy’s slow, deliberate, and careful as he starts to rock within you. You’d think he were trying to make love, but you know that’s not what this is, he’s unsure. Tommy’s unsure what you want, what you can handle, but after being deprived of the man you love for so long, careful isn’t what you want. You want him to love you with the same fire and passion he used to, as you dig your heels into arse, pushing him deeper with every thrust as you rock hips to meet his. Tommy knows you so well by now, he understands your unspoken words, as his forehead comes to rest against yours, his eyes barreling desperately down upon you.

“Faster?” He asks, his ragged breath trembling against your lips as his face holds tight, trying so hard to hold himself back for your sake.

“Faster,” You nod, kissing him hard as Tommy moans against your mouth in relief, letting his hips snap deep within you. It’s been so fucking long that you almost feel like a reckless youth, lost in the throes of passion as your hips roll to meet his every thrust as if you can’t get enough of him. You devour his mouth, hungry for the taste of him on your tongue, needing you as badly as you needs him. 

The energy is frantic, desperation rushing through your veins as you cling to each other, the small metal bedframe squeaking for mercy as it knocks into the wall. Tommy gives you everything he’s been holding inside. His fingers digging into the back of your thigh, gripping your leg higher against his hip as all his insatiable longing and unfulfilled desire for you savagely spills free.

His mouth leaves your own, trailing roughly down your neck as he ravages you, kissing and sucking away at your sensitive flesh as if he’s doesn’t give a damn what kind of marks he leaves in the morning. As if he wants the whole fucking world to know you’re his. Lost in the heat of passion, he bites down hard on the base of your neck like he has so many times before, growling against your skin as you wither beneath him, but this time something unexpected happens. 

This time a flash fills your mind. A memory – you’re down on the bed as Al sinks his teeth into your flesh pushing you to break and cry out. And suddenly, you’re shoving Tommy back from you as hard as you can before you even know what you’re doing. Your hands moving on instinct alone as your whole body goes rigid and your heart starts to race with fear instead of passion.

Tommy stops instantly, breath panting as he hovers over you and he quickly pulls out. Staring down at you, his endless oceans of blue blinding with concern as they rain down on you. His hand dares to cautiously touch the side of your cheek as he braces his weight on his other arm, trying to keep off you, give you room to breathe.

“It’s ok, Fee. You a’right?” Tommy asks, his eyes desperately searching your own, trying to understand what happened.

“Can you- can you not do that this time? …Please.” You voice sounds so rattled you hardly recognize it as your heart races tightly in your chest. Staring back into the depths of his blue eyes – blue, not brown – you hold onto the safety of knowing it’s Tommy. You’re with Tommy, but you still feel anxious. Still feel unsure of what happened. One moment your body was on fire and the next you’re trembling with a fear you hardly understand.

“Course,” Tommy nods, worry consuming his deep-set eyes as he runs his thumb tenderly along your cheek, before he rolls off you and onto his back against the mattress, to lay beside you. Chest rising and falling heavily, Tommy’s stares up at the ceiling, trying to cool off his body as anger and guilt rush through his veins. 

Guilt pummels his heart that he did something to remind you of that prick. Anger over all of it. That Al did things to you that left an imprint in your mind the way the shovels did for him.  It all comes rushing back at Tommy. What that bastard did to you. Did to you because of him. And maybe if you were still just Charlie’s nanny and not the woman he loves maybe you wouldn’t have been seen as leverage.

Tommy still can’t hardly think about it. Mostly, he tries to push it out of his mind until the time is right. But there’s still moments like this when it finds its way to the surface and fills him with so much blinding rage he can hardly contain it. It takes everything inside him to stay focused on the problem in front of him. He has to deal with Changretta and get the fuck out of the cage he’s been backed into in Small Heath and then Al’s his first priority. Tommy hasn’t said a word of this to Fiona, but he is determined to make that bastard pay for what he did. Now more than ever

The absence of Tommy leaves a hollow feeling reopening inside you. The proof that your scars still remain rattles you and leaves you unsure of yourself or who you are now. But you refuse to let that night steal all your happiness away. You’ve healed enough to decide you won’t let it take Tommy from you either. You refuse. Rolling onto your side, you snuggle against him and to your relief, he welcomes you into arms. 

Tommy doesn’t reject you like you worried he might, but the longing inside you still feels unquenched and you know it does for Tommy too though he won’t act on it now. Taking a bold step, you slip your hand beneath the blanket, and to your relief his body responds to the stroke of your hand almost instantly, reassuring you he still wants you. But you barely get a chance to touch him before Tommy is snatching your hand and dragging it back up to his chest, leaving your heart more confused than ever.

“It’s a’right, love. You don’ have to do that.” Tommy tells you, feeling guilty. He won’t treat you like that bastard. He won’t have you push your body to do things you aren’t ready for just to meet his needs. Especially not if you think it’s your duty after he took take of yours.

“Tommy, I want-“ You start, but he cuts you off before you can finish. Finding it hard to believe you actually want this after the fear he saw in your eyes.

“I’m sorry I frightened you.” Tommy says flatly, changing the subject. You’d think it was insincere, if you couldn’t see his eyes. His breath so low and steady, it sounds like a death order handed down from a Sargent Major to his subordinate infantry, but you can see in the depth of vulnerable blue eyes as they stare up at the ceiling… It kills him to think he scared you. And now he’s pulling away and shutting down, managing that feeling the only way Thomas Shelby knows how.

The look in Tommy’s eyes melt your heart as you lean up on your elbow and place tender kisses upon his shoulder, moving slowly down along the muscle of his chest. Letting your lips linger around his tattoo.

“You didn’t scare me.” You whisper against his skin, over the spot that covers his heart. Your hands roam over the muscles that contour and line his chest and taut stomach, the ridge of his pecks, the flex of his abs. There’s still traces of unease vibrating through your nerves, you can’t deny that, but they aren’t directed at Tommy. If anything, you feel safer by his side, in his arms. And you see now you’re both struggling from your own scars from that night. Tommy still feels guilty he didn’t prevent it, didn’t protect you. He doesn’t want to push you, but you need him to know this is still what you want.

Your knees dig into the bedding as you turn to him, your hands bracing against the solid warmth of his chest as move across him to straddle his hips.

“Fee-“ Tommy starts to protest before your eyes lock as you settle against him and he can see the passion reaching for him in your eyes.

“Tommy, you could never scare me.” You promise him. Staring down into those deep fucking eyes that pierce right through you like daggers, gnawing down deep in your belly. You don’t know what that was. It’s never happened to you before, but you’re sure of one thing… It had nothing to do with the way you feel about this man and had everything to do with what’s still lingering in you.

“I don’ entirely know what’s happened, Tommy, but I do know I still want you and I still want you to touch me… And I still want to touch you.” You confess, trying to explain it as best you can. Leaning down to place slow tender kisses along taut stomach for emphasis, leading a trail up his chest. Your blood pumping harder as you feel his muscles tighten slightly under your lips, responding to your touch. 

You know your gut was right as you feel Tommy’s hands splay against your hips. You lean back on him, staring down deep into his eyes, lost in anticipation of what’s to come, before slowly leaning down against his body to recapture the hunger of his mouth once again. With the demand of his kiss, the grip of hands roam the curves of your body, there’s no denying Tommy wants you. And there’s no denying you want him too as your hand slips between the press of your bodies, gripping and stroking him tightly as you draw him to your warmth, before you sink back down on him.

Tommy curses against your swollen lips as he breaks the kiss. Echoing the sharp intake of your breath. Your hands trail down his chest as you lean back on him, nails dragging against his flesh and along the muscles that contour his chest and taut stomach. Staring down into the madness of Tommy Shelby’s eyes, as penetrating as they are blue, you gather up your nightdress and pull it over your head, revealing yourself completely to him. The fabric barely slips over your head before your feel Tommy’s hands glide over your hips, his palms racing along your back. Sending shivers down your spine as he sits up on the bed, pulling you desperately close to steal your breath in a demanding kiss.

Your arms wrap around Tommy, feeling his muscles flex and tighten beneath your palms, his chest rise and fall flush against your own, so close his breathes could practically be yours. Tommy’s heart pounds as he moves you against him, wrapping his arms around your body, holding you close. He lightly rests his head against yours, his hand roaming and caressing all the places he knows will makes you shiver and sigh.

You run your hands up the back of his head just to feel his shorn hair pick against your palms, your back arching against him as your head falls back. Your mind lost in a haze of delirium, his hot skin flush with your own as the bow of your back sends Tommy pushing deeper within you, your bodies move perfectly in sync. You’re fighting for breath as your belly coils, pushing closer to the edge. And you know you’re not the only one dancing with fire as Tommy’s drag you more feverishly against him.

You breathe him in, this man you love. Staring deep into his eyes that mirror back your image as your noses brush and lips meet, as Tommy moves you both as if you were always made to joined like this. You love him, and he loves you, you can feel it in that moment as surely as you can feel his hands grip and mold at your flesh, as surely as you can feel his heavy breath upon your lips. 

And in that moment, everything else falls away. All the pain, all the guilt, the room and its bloody walls, until it’s only you and him, lost madly in each other. In the fever of what you can create between your bodies. Your thighs clench as your hands grip him tighter, feeling your body charge closer and closer to your mounting release. The pressure and hunger for it blinding back at you in the captive hold of his pupil.

You’re delirious and drunk off this moment, you’d stay here forever if you could, as the need for release builds rapidly inside you. You whimper his name chasing the high his body gives you, his love amplifies.

“That’s it, love. Let me feel you come.” Tommy encourages, his breath as ragged as the cry of his name off your lips.

“With me,” You beg him, pressing your lips frantically to his in your request as your pull Tommy impossibly closer against you. You need this to be with him. After everything. You need to find each other, burn alive together.

Gripping your hair tightly against the back of your head, Tommy nods against your mouth as you fight to hold back your release. Your body aching as he drags you faster against the length of him, filling you completely with every thrust, as his hands grow heavy and insistent against your sweat beaded skin. Your thighs tremble trying to hold off, you’re right on the edge of climaxing. Your mind unraveling under the pressure as you try to hold on, and then he says it.

“Now,” Tommy urges desperately against your lips in a rush of breath and suddenly, you let go, breathe gasping against his parted lips in frantic relief. 

Clinging desperately to Tommy as your head presses deeply against his. You stare lost and delirious into his icy eyes as cries of ecstasy fall from your lips and mirror his own.  Your bodies tremble as you hold onto one another, ecstasy racing like an inferno through your veins, the same euphoric fire dancing in the pupils of his dilated eyes as you climax together.

Your forehead rests against Tommy as your body nearly collapses against him, slick with mingled sweat, your panting breathes meet as a quiet hum still vibrates through you. You hold Tommy close as he holds you flush against him. You look deep into Tommy’s eyes, staring into the endless abyss of them, feeling as if there isn’t an ounce of space between you left in this world. Savoring the feel of seeing him completely, of feeling as if he can see you completely too. Connected in every way and completely unafraid.

As the moment passes your head comes to rest against his shoulder completely exhausted as you snuggle in his arms and feel Tommy’s face settle against your shoulder. Wrapped in each other, all warm flesh, tangled up tightly, your baby hidden between you. Running your hands along the back of his shorn hair, you finally speak.

“After Tony, I never thought I’d feel this way again… Never thought I wanted to.” You whisper to Tommy as you reflect upon your words, hoping he understands what you’re trying to say. That you love him. That you’ll always love him. And you see now there’s no hand grenade this world can throw at you that’s going to change that.

Tommy runs his hand gently up the length of your back, his fingers tangling in your wild hair as he leans in to place a soft kiss against your shoulder.

“…After Grace, I didn’t either.” His words settle under your skin and shiver down your spine as tears well up in your eyes. Maybe it’s the hormones. Maybe it’s just relief. But for the first time since you walked into that hotel lounge and faced Al over a month ago, you have hope you and Tommy will survive this.

 For the first time in a long time you think things might finally be turning a corner. Things might finally be looking up.  The war with mafia seems to be shifting tides. Finally, back in each other’s arms where you belong, Tommy keeps you updated on the plans at hand. He knows the truth is important to you, so he gives it. Whispering to you in the dark about a deal he’s made with an American gangster named Al Capone. The connection your Al made for him, though he never says his name to you, not once. He tells you, now that Capone has his first shipments of gin he’s making arrangements for men to aid in ending this war with Changretta. The news fill your heart with hope. You know putting an end to this won’t be easy, but finally things are starting to go right.

Tommy’s busy. He’s always busy. You’ve grown so accustom to it you’re not sure what you’d do if he ever had time for leisure. In that way, he reminds you of your father. Never enough time. Not enough hours in the day to quench the kind of ambition that rumbles and wages war inside Tommy, calling out for blood before the day is thru. 

The upcoming fight consumes his mind most readily these days, as surely as the gin he keeps insisting everyone try. He’s going fucking mad. Like a horse kept cooped up in the stall too long. The vendetta has him back in a corner for the time being. Back to his roots, where he came from as if to remind Tommy he can never really escape it. And perhaps that’s what gets to Tommy the most, but you can’t be certain.

So when Tommy insists you accompany him and the rest of the family to a boxing match he’s holding, you can’t turn down the chance to spend a night out on the arm of your sweetheart. And the fact that he finally wants to show the world you’re his, gives you added hope things might actually work out. 

You haven’t told Tommy about the baby, there hasn’t been a chance, and if you’re honest, you’re still a little afraid. Unsure of how he’ll take the news or how he’ll want to proceed. But you saw the midwife Pol sent you to and she estimated you were nearly three months gone, effectively removing Al’s as a contender… you at least had that.

You don’t know what to expect on your night out. You’re never been to a fight before. Never been to a show of any kind really. Not since you were a girl. After Finn, money was too scarce to spend on entertainment of any kind. So when you arrive with Tommy and the rest of the family at a grand old theatre it nearly takes your breath away. Balconies and showboxes three floors high, but you get a front row seat like you’re a real Shelby.

Tommy looks dapper in a black suit and white undershirt. Sporting his fine wirer glasses that make you gnaw at your bottom lip just to stop yourself from biting his. You tell yourself he has no idea how handsome he is, what the sight of him does to you, but not even you are that fool hearty. Everyone is dressed in their finest attire, specialty dresses purchased just for tonight, and you worry you’ll have nothing suitable to wear. But Tommy’s taken care of that too. Thinking of everything, always one step ahead. 

He surprises you with a new dress. Black to match his suit, long and slinky, with sparkles like diamonds that glisten off the theatre lights, straps that hang thinly on your shoulders, with a back cut dangerously low. You feel beautiful. More beautiful than you can remember feeling in a very long time, but the way Tommy looks at you in the dress, his eyes fixated and unwavering before a sexy smirk slowly covers his face… You feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. You only hope you might be able to steal a few moments alone with him somewhere tonight.

You sit with the other Shelby women and Lizzie at the edge of ring. Across from the men, but still in the heart of it all. Watching as the fight unfolds between an unfair match in your opinion, one big, the other small. And as the fight begins, your eyes reach across the ring in search of him, but Tommy’s nowhere to be found and that’s when it starts… the uneasy feeling that begins to stir and come to life in your belly. 

At first you caulk it up to the pregnancy. You haven’t felt like yourself since you put the pieces together, but then it doesn’t leave you, even after Tommy finally returns. Your eyes focus on Tommy across the ring from you. Losing sight of the fight as your gaze zeros in on him. You’re filled with an unshakable sense of unease even as Tommy catches your gaze across the ropes and smiles over at your reassuringly.

You watch Arthur beside him. He’s agitated, fidgeting about, mouth going on about things you can’t make out, but clearly leave him unsettled. His movements only heighten the tension inside you. Validating its presence as he turns to his brother, muttering words you can’t hear him say. But you feel it deep in your bones the way you felt it the night your brother died… Somethings not right. You try to distract yourself with the fight. Get lost in the thirst for the blood the crowd is hungrily chanting for. Getting wrapped up in the rhythm of swinging fists and boxers dancing around the ring, light on their feet.

You even follow the ladies into the women’s lavatories as they pass around gin to swig, only you don’t swig just pass and only Polly knows why. You try to let yourself get lost in their banter about men crying for blood, but you can’t shake the tension building steadily inside you. As you all return to your seats for the fight, you force yourself to watch as the Romani boy, Bonnie gets the beating of a lifetime.

 You force yourself to enjoy the moment you were looking forward to so dearly earlier that day, but when Arthur storms off from his seat your eyes don’t miss it. You find yourself steadily moving to the edge of your seat as the fight disappears around you. And when Tommy stands abruptly, his eyes fixated on something you can’t pinpoint, before taking off after it, your heart jumps in your throat like a lump of coal to choke you with.

You don’t miss a beat as you rise numbly from your seat, heart hammering in your chest. Polly grabs at your arm in concern, but you only force a smile as you glance down at her.

“Lavartory.” You explain, not wanting to rile her up too if there’s nothing to report. You need to be certain before you make any claims. So as her arms releases you, you move steadily in the direction you saw Tommy disappear to, pushing through rowdy men as your heels stick to the spit and booze littering the floor.

Every instinct inside you screams something is wrong, it rattles in the hollows of your chest, tying your belly in knots with every step as the hairs on the back of your neck rise on end. You follow down a darken tile hallway, your heels clipping as your move. Until you enter a hall gleaming in blue lighting, bouncing and shining off the white tile walls until the whole areas glows like standing at the bottom of the sea. It leaves you with such unease, like standing at the bottom of the ocean and you can’t catch your breath.

Your heart hammers in your chest as your feet move slowly along the tile. Apprehension building in your heart with every step as you try to listen for Tommy. You find yourself second guessing turning down this way. Unsure you chose the right path. Your hand slowly finds its way across your belly, protectively clutching the tiny swell the way you would Finn if he were standing beside you. 

You find it hard to catch your breath as anxiety and tension build all around and deep within your bones. Then you hear it! A gun shot, the noise ringing off the tile walls, echoing around you. Moments later you hear Tommy’s voice hollering out for Arthur and you swear your heart stops beating all together inside your chest.

It only takes you a second, a second for sheer terror on your heart. And in the next, you’re clutching at the bottom of your dress as you race as fast as you call down that ominous corridor, you voice echoing around you as you go. Terrified you’re going to lose the man you love all over again. 

“Tommy!” You scream.

You have no weapon, there’s no thought or reason to your actions, just desperation and the desire to protect what’s precious to you. You turn abruptly at a corner, a wall of thick foggy steam surrounds you, envelopes you. Your heels freeze in their spot unable to see much of anything, it takes you a moment to adjust before you realize there’s a dead man lying sprawled at your feet.

You jump back in fright, your back slamming against the tile wall before you register Tommy calling your name and look up to find him crouched in the corner of the room, Arthur lying bloody in his hands.

“Get a fuckin towel- rag- somethin!” Tommy yells at you. He never yells at you, but the fear in his eyes is unmistakable as your frantically scan the room for anything usable. Snatching up the first piece of cloth you can find you rush over to him, trying not to slip on the slick tile.

Tommy grabs for your wrist, yanking you down to him as your knees slam hard against the unforgiving tile below, but you barely feel it as his eyes engulf you – his pupils dilated, a terrifying madness palpable in his gaze.

Tommy shoves your hands with the rag down against Arthur’s neck and the force of it sends your gaze following suit. You stare down at Arthur, blood soaked through the collar of his shirt, seeping out onto the white tiles around you as Tommy shoves your hands harder against his wound. You can feel yourself trembling, your mind scrambling to form any short of coherent thought when you feel Tommy’s hand cup your jaw and pull your face back up to his.

“I need ya to keep pressure on it, Fee. Gotta slow the bleeding. I have to go get some men and get Arthur outta here. But I need you to stay here and keep pressure on it, ey?” Tommy instructs you, his voice a low deadly whisper as he drags his blood smeared thumb across your cheek, trying to calm the panic racing off your breath.

You give him a shaky nod and that’s all Tommy needs as he rises to his feet. You hear a clank at your side moments later, and glance over to see Tommy’s placed a gun on the tile beside you.

“Keep this with you.” He orders, before the clip of his shoes against the tile can be heard quickly storming out of the room, leaving you completely alone with his brother’s life in your hands.

You glance back at down Arthur, his eyes wide and full of fear as your press firmly down on his neck, watching the rag your found darken with his blood. You notice the second pool of blood at your side and realize a few of his fingers have been nearly cut clean from the bone at the tips. You’re stomach churns as your push down the sudden urge to gag.

Drawing your eyes back to Arthur, you focus on only that. On reassuring him.

“It’s gonna be ok, Arthur. You’re gonna be a’right. Just stay with me. I’ll get Linda for you as soon as I can.” You promise, whispering to him softly as your words rattle with fear off your lips, heart pounding.

You feel his undamaged hand reach for you. Watch as it settles over the top of yours, before you turn one of your palms over and grip his hand tightly with reassurance. In that moment he reminds you so much of your brother the night you found lying beaten and dying in an alleyway outside the flat you shared. That fear a man gets in his eyes when he thinks this is the end. The fear you get in your own when you’re not sure if you’ll be the last thing they see. When you feel so small and helpless to change the rising tides.

But this won’t be that moment. Arthur won’t end up like your brother. You swear it as you clutch his hand tightly and hold back the tears shining in your eyes. “You’re gonna be a’right Arthur. I promise.” You repeat, forcing a smile for him, your chest so tight you can hardly breathe.

[tacituskilgores]

i was tagged by @reluming and i need any and all excuses to procrastinate studying so here we go~

Rules: complete the survey and say who tagged you in the beginning. when you’re finished, tag people to do this survey. have fun and enjoy!

1: Are you named after someone? nope. my brother got my grandad’s middle name, but my parents couldn’t find a ‘family’ name that went with nicole (which they weren’t going to budge from) so both my names are aaall mine.

2: When was the last time you cried? honestly i don’t even remember and that’s probably for the best.

3: Do you like your handwriting? yeah, a lot. it’s a printing-cursive hybrid and it’s very swoopy and fun to write in.

4: What is your favourite lunch meat? ick, nast. i don’t really like cold cuts but if i had to, i’d pick turkey. i’d rather have actual turkey breast in my sammich, tho.

5: Do you have kids? i’m the last person who should be having children, so thankfully no. just two kittybabies.

6: If you were another person, would you be friends with you? honestly probably not. i mean, maybe. but i know i come off pretty standoffish at first (in person; online is a different story), so it would depend if i was willing to stick it out past that. 

7: Do you use sarcasm? enh, sparingly.

8: Do you still have your tonsils? yes.

9: Would you bungee jump? “i don’t know how else to say this except no. i suppose there’s fuck no. or, fuck you…”

10: What is your favourite kind of cereal? i don’t really eat cereal much anymore. but if i ever buy it, i get either frosted mini wheats or apple cinnamon cheerios. also i haven’t had this in ages, but cornflakes with milk & lyle’s golden syrup is 💣

11: Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? all of my shoes are either some form of boot or like, slip-ons/flats, so no. 

12: Do you think you’re a strong person? it depends on the day.

13: What is your favourite ice cream? whiskey hazelnut from earnest ice cream (local stuff). there’s so much whiskey in it, it smells like a 2-oz pour the moment you unscrew the lid. heaven. otherwise i like any variation of mint chocolate chip or coffee.

14: What is the first thing you notice about people? outfit. hair. and weirdly, eyebrows.

15: What is the least favourite physical thing you like about yourself? the bangs i got done a few months ago that i now super regret. i always think they’re going to be awesome & cute, then i remember how much i hate having them after the first 12 hours.

16: What colour pants and shoes are you wearing now? black shorts and fuzzy slippers.

17: What are you listening to right now? of monsters and men, i of the storm

18: If you were a crayon, what color would you be? i’d like to be a nice yellow.

19: Favourite smell? lavender. vancouver in the rain. coffee. my cat’s tummy.

20: Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? the owner of a yarn store who told me that my yarn delivery was ready to pick up

21: Favorite sport to watch? basketball, and that’s it.

22: Hair color? hmm right now it’s kind of auburn-y.

23: Eye color? green.

24: Do you wear contacts? eugh thank baby jesus i don’t. i got glasses in november and wear those almost all the time now, but you’ll never get me into a pair of contacts.

25: Favourite food to eat? all of it.

26: Scary movies or comedy? probably comedy because i’m a huge wuss but if it’s a psychological horror/thriller, i might be down. i always have to read the plot first so i know what i’m getting into. gore & jump scares can gtfo. 

27: Last movie you watched? the age of shadows. it’s a korean movie set in the 20s about resistance fighters trying to smuggle explosives into seoul from shanghai to oust the japanese occupation. it was amazing.

28: What color of shirt are you wearing? black

29: Summer or winter? winter, but not the winter we’ve had this year. i like the winters where it rains all day every day, none of this snow business.

30: Hugs or kisses? this is such a weird question. i’m so, whynotboth.gif over this question. it depends who the giver/recipient is, too.

31: What book are you currently reading? labyrinth lost by zoraida cordova. also the canadian securities course volume 2 but that’s for my work certification and it’s also the reason why i’m procrastinating by filling this out instead of studying 👍

32: Who do you miss right now? my parents i guess. it’s been two weeks since i last saw my mom and a month for my dad. they both only live like 45 minutes away, but: life. being an adult is weird.

33: What is on your mouse pad? see, this question is proof that this survey was written like 10-15 years ago and is therefore a relic of the email survey chain phenomenon. who still uses a mouse pad?

34: What is the last TV program you watched? this really cool one from iceland called trapped, which just got added to netflix here. only watched one episode so far but it was a ride.

35: What is the best sound? the little chirps my one cat makes at me and only me.

36: Rolling Stones or The Beatles? enh. neither. but i do like here comes the sun and strawberry fields forever which is two songs more than i like of the rolling stones, so i guess the beatles win.

37: What is the furthest you have ever travelled? it would probably be mali. i think it’s like 10,000km away. maybe latvia but probably not quite the furthest.

38: Do you have a special talent? not in the slightest.

39: Where were you born? milton, ontario.

i tag my usual suspects @commanderruthernerd, @rangerous, @jerkuleshansen, @agrayjedi and anyone else who needs a way to kill an hour on a saturday afternoon!