#and mao too of course

[weirdcat1213]

ive had hisashi for 3 episodes and im upset that people are not yelling about the ending song being about him

like cmonnnnnn

[yume-fanfare]

happy halloween! the cast from fist of idol: togenkyo have reunited again to bring us...... a horror movie?!

[knightzp]

AND SPRING LAST YEAR WAS

ALL THE REFERENCES TO BAND ENSEMBLE ARE MAKING ME INSANE

[whatevergreen]

Two migrant teens, Alan Magalles Bello and Yeremi Colino were confronted by 3 people in Lower Manhattan and stabbed. Colino has died.

As for CNN, they and other news outlets also had the full Luigi Mangione manifesto (more of a note) for days but wouldn't release it, and instead made intentionally false statements about the contents.

This is what he actually wrote and doesn't come across as "unhinged" (despite the cringe opening):

As for Luigi Mangione:

It's no good judging him on his background or his social media alone. His twitter wasn't updated for months, and such as Goodreads shows a somewhat different side, more relevant to recent events - though there are hints of it on twitter. And something has clearly changed radically recently. Conservatives or alt-right people (or whatever label some have been trying to fix on him) do not normally refer to corporate executives as "parasites" who "simply had it coming" and then go out and kill one of them.

It seems like he has been trying to find his way... and it's led him to target a key figure among the many responsible for the suffering, and too often deaths, of millions of people over many decades through insurance and other healthcare profiteering. He didn't take out his personal problems and his ideologicial issues on random strangers or random employees like many have in the past. He took out one of those most responsible. Indeed it's just been revealed that he considered using a bomb to kill Brian Thompson but decided against it because he did not want to harm anyone else.

As for his being born into a wealthy Republican family, so what?

Countless socialists, communists, anarchists and others more difficult to label - famous, infamous or little known - have come from a privileged background. For a start Karl Marx was the son of a wealthy lawyer and married a member of the aristocracy. He lived in poverty for most of his life however. Engels was the son of a wealthy industrialist. Mao's father was a wealthy farmer and landowner. I'm not comparing Luigi with them too deeply of course but this needs to be considered.

Don't throw him or anybody like him under the bus when they do a neccessary thing for the right reasons, and are possibly rising above some of their older ideas, just because of those said ideas or beliefs. We don't know what his current state of mind is on any issue beyond the healthcare one.

It has been suggested that there may be some connection with possibly using psilocybin (magic mushrooms). Some people have been making that point to discredit his actions when actually such may have made him more empathetic and hence more enraged by the suffering of others. And his interest in such drugs was because of his chronic pain problems.

As a side note, apparently 2/3rds of Penn students support his actions. It's not really that surprising considering that the so-called health care system can be a nightmare for anyone but the very richest.

[jenscx]

LUCID DREAM — ning yizhuo

it’s been years without ning yizhuo in your life. it feels surreal; the day you walked out without an explanation. but just the thought of being able to see her again, it draws you back into the endless loop of loving her.

TAGS — angst, exes to ???, insecurity, model!ning, ambiguous ending, mentions of alcohol, making up, jmj wedding (we don’t actually get to witness it tho)

WORDCOUNT — 7.4k

you stare at the wedding invitation, written neatly at the top, the invitation is addressed to a ning y/n. you want to cry. the invitation clearly stating your ex’s name makes your heart clench uncomfortably. it’s a blaring reminder that your relationship ended and you’re no longer living in your childhood fantasy.

“fuck,” you swear, “fuck you, kim minjeong.” you want to murder minjeong, but who were you to ask minjeong to stop reminding you of your bitter ending? especially since it was your own impulsiveness that had ended the relationship. you could have been more understanding towards yizhuo, could have tried her best to resolve your conflict, but no. instead, you ran. ran like the coward you were.

you remember the brokenhearted look on yizhuo’s face, the devastated glimmer in her eyes before she had flipped her expression to another, like a switch. or more like a broken one, your brain offers unhelpfully. of course, the quiver of her lips had given yizhuo away almost immediately. you had known yizhuo for a third of your life, obviously you could tell when your soulmate– or in this case, ex, was about to break down.

you wish you had stayed, and simply comforted your soulmate like old times, but you couldn’t bear to watch yizhuo cry, because of you. you remember the look on your friends’ faces when you told them that you broke up with yizhuo, all the words they had yelled at her for betraying yizhuo. you remember the anger directed at you by yizhuo’s parents when you had sent them an apology letter. through the post, yizhuo had told you, letters felt more sincere than emails.

but perhaps the worst reaction wasn’t from any of them, it was simply from your own cat. meowing viciously when you had picked him up, bringing him together with you. the scratches lining your arms only serve as a constant reminder. mao, your british short haired, was desperately attached to yizhuo (and she was the one who named him too. what absolute luck.) his hostility could only be reasoned that he knew his owner had hurt yizhuo. if a silly little cat knew the extent of the breakup, what could that mean for you?

“wallowing in your grief again? that’s not good for you,” you peer up at chaewon, the only friend that somehow wasn’t connected to yizhuo. chaewon takes a quick glance at the invitation and giggles, “you’re going? i hope you survive, you haven’t paid this month’s rent yet.”

you merely sigh.

“the place’s gonna be filled with people who hate my guts, you really think i’m going? minjeong probably only sent this to piss me off.”

chaewon frowns, “you don’t seem pissed off, just sad. honey, you have to let me know if they’re bothering you, like actually. it’s not your fault, well– maybe it is, but you’re suffering too. it isn’t nice for them to do this to you.” you shrug in response. you deserve it. you deserve every stab in your heart, you deserve the tears that escape in the middle of the night.

“let’s drink tonight, okay? we’ll put on titanic or something and cry about life while eating ice cream,” chaewon offers. maybe it’s the thought of getting drunk, or titanic, or crying in your friend’s arms, but the offer is appealing and you find yourself agreeing too soon.

you can hear chaewon do a silent cheer. it makes you smile slightly and gives you enough energy to pull yourself up from the floor.

“i’ll go get the soju, just lie on the couch and relax!” you follow as your friend says and lie on the sofa you had picked out together after mao’s claws had sunk into the leather, ripping it to shreds. the cat was a brat.

doesn’t this remind you of something– or someone? the voice in your head quips. you groan, why couldn’t your head shut up sometimes? your heart drops as you recall the conversation between your parents when you had told them you broke things off with yizhuo. you remember your mother’s expression; disappointed and upset, a stark contrast to when you had told her that you finally found someone. the proud look on your father’s when you introduced yizhuo to them, god, why the fuck was yizhuo such an amazing girlfriend?

you caused this. you want to scream ‘no’. you’re the one who dumped yizhuo. who are you to be upset over thi–

“y/n? hey, stop thinking about it,” chaewon pouts, “don’t make yourself even more sad!” you blink back into reality and at the sight of chaewon puffing her cheeks out, holding two bottles of soju and a large bowl of popcorn, make you want to coo at the girl. you push the thoughts of yizhuo to the back of your head as soon as the opening to titanic appears on the screen.

you two laugh sometimes, mostly chaewon, but it’s quiet throughout the movie and you can’t tell whether you’d rather have chaewon’s comments about how cute the actors are or the silence that allows you to delve deeper into your thoughts. you take a sip whenever chaewon mentions how in love jack and rose are.

when you blink, it’s already at the part where jack allows rose to get onto the wooden door, while he stays in the freezing water. chaewon throws popcorn at the tv, apparently already drunk, screaming at rose to quote, “fucking move her ass,” for jack to get on. you take a large gulp of soju in the midst of chaewon’s sniffles.

“y/n…i can’t believe it… she just let jack die!” chaewon cries out, “the love of her life, she just let him go! how could she just let him die?!” you nod, trying to drink the already empty bottle of soju.

when you stand up, the whole room swirls and you stumble back onto the couch. “don’t let her go, y/n!” you jump at the close proximity of chaewon’s voice, “don’t let the love of your life go!”

you hum in agreement and scream, “i won’t let her go!” determined, you pick up your phone and the selfie of you and yizhuo greets her. you miss her, don’t you? of course not. you don’t miss her at all. change your homescreen then. you wouldn’t.

you roll your eyes and enter kakaotalk.

y/n [11.38pm]:

i kiss you

i miss you*

read [11.39pm]

“i did it, chaewon!” you exclaim, “i didn’t let her go!”

drunk you is apparently an idiot, since we all know, if a ‘i love you’ can’t solve a crack, obviously a ‘i miss you’ wouldn’t be able to solve an earthquake.

i miss you too. i miss you so much it hurts. but how could you say that, when you’re the one that left me first? yizhuo doesn’t cry as much anymore. she doesn’t sob into her pillow in the middle of the night anymore. the couple posts that appear on her instagram feed doesn’t make tears well up in her eyes anymore.

it still hurts. hurts as much as it did before. and yizhuo might just have to live with that pain everyday. the misspelt word makes her heart throb, in affection and pain, because she could imagine your voice in her head. are you hurting as much as she is? it doesn’t make the stabbing pain in her chest any better to know that the one she loves is suffering.

yizhuo stares at the glaring light from her phone. i miss you. really y/n? she wants to scoff. you were probably drunk out of your mind and sent that text on a whim. or maybe it was meant for another girl. the thought makes yizhuo want to cry.

is there someone else you call ‘baby' now?

fuck, you think, oh fuck. the read blaring on your phone, as if mocking you.

“shit,” chaewon groans, holding her head, “what happened last night? did we accidentally kill someone?” you wish you did. you take a deep breath, and scream. if the neighbours show up the next moment, it’s totally because of the night before, and not your scream at 8 in the morning.

you calm down. eventually. you calm down after chaewon grabs your shoulders and wiggles you back and forth, yelling for you to get your shit together. it only worsens the raging headache the both of you have. if rent wasn’t so high nowadays, you would have immediately fled and lived alone. kim chaewon with a hangover was not a good sight.

“whatever! you drunk texted your ex! whatever! hashtag yolo right— ah fuck, the room is spinning,” chaewon shrieks, “ugh, why did we drink so much?! but! your life isn’t over! so what if you texted her? it’s okay, we stay delusional and pretend things never happened!”

despite the wacky talk chaewon gives, it actually helps. texting yizhuo, while drunk, was a mistake. you nod hastily, “i get what you’re saying, but please let me go.”

chaewon loosens her grip, pursed lips as she huffs, “the most badass thing you can do now is go to the wedding.”

your eyes widen, “what the hell? kim chaewon, are you crazy? no, you’re insane.”

your roommate only grins lazily, “it came with a plus one invite, right? i’ll go with you. it’ll be okay! and don’t you wanna see your friends again?”

“i do, but most of them hate my guts,” you wince, recalling the angry messages left by aeri and minjeong, none from jimin, that probably speaks for itself what she thought of you, “they were yizhuo’s friends first, and mine second. when it comes to things like this, they would, rightfully so, take yizhuo’s side.”

chaewon whistles, “yeah it’s not looking too good for you right now.”

you flop onto the couch, sighing, “if i see yizhuo, i’ll freeze up and make a fool of myself.” your hands fly to rub at your eyes, groaning miserably, “i guess i’m not over her.”

chaewon slides into the space next to you, scoffing, “you think? having her number saved and pinned is crazy and the last time we talked before this, you were in love with her. what happened?”

your heart constricts painfully. you never spoke about your breakup to anyone, only asking chaewon if she still needed someone to split rent with. the moment you had uttered those words, you had left the shared apartment with yizhuo, not turning back to watch the love of your life collapse.

“i…” your throat dries up, “i was in love with her, i guess i still am. i don’t doubt that she felt the same for me, but maybe not anymore. our relationship was the best thing to ever happen to me. the happiest years of my life were when i was with yizhuo. she made me feel alive.”

tears prick at your eyes involuntarily. chaewon’s gaze is full of pity and comfort. sympathy. no one else gave you that.

“she wanted to get married, chaewon,” you whisper, “she was ready for marriage. i wasn’t.”

“oh.”

“i saw her looking at engagement rings one day and god, it was like, how have i never noticed before? she always shows me videos of weddings and how she would want her wedding to be like, but i never stopped to think whether i wanted marriage. i didn’t know what i would say if yizhuo just proposed. would it have hurt less for her if i said no rather than breaking up with her?”

chaewon presses a comforting hand to your shoulder, sighing, “i’m sorry, i literally see two of you right now but i’ll try to articulate this as best as i can.” her words draw out a hollow laugh from you. “you just weren’t ready yet, and yeah, you should have communicated that to her before jumping in to break up, but have you ever thought that you weren’t ready because you didn’t love her enough?”

you swallow, tears flowing down your cheeks freely, “n-no, i love her. she’s my favourite person. i love her so much, too much even. but getting married? that’s a lifelong commitment. i just didn’t know if she was sure that she really wanted to spend the rest of her life with… me. she has her whole life figured out. she’s a rich model who could have anyone else. we were childhood friends first, before girlfriends. and now she’s certain that she wants to marry me? what if there’s someone better for her out there? she’s only been chained to me because we got together so young. i just… had to let her go.”

“commitment issues,” chaewon states, “you have severe commitment issues.”

“i guess so,” you let out a watery laugh. your roommate chuckles, “you want her back?”

“yeah, i’m desperate.”

“let’s go to the wedding.”

you send a small smile to chaewon, “thanks, roomie.”

“i saw the invite by the way, and damn, are your friends rich? don’t get me wrong, i’m going as your moral support but the free buffet too—”

“i’m literally going to strangle you.”

yizhuo twirls the pen in her hand, watching it glide across her fingers and abruptly landing on the wooden table with a thud. she couldn’t stand seeing all the wedding preparations and chose to hide in jimin’s study. the door creaks open, a figure stands by the doorway.

“hello jimin unnie, aren’t you meant to be looking over the finishing touches of your wedding?” yizhuo asks, her smile dimming as she thinks about marriage. jimin frowns, “minjeong’s doing that. she told me to come check up on you.”

“me?”

“i know how you feel about weddings. we all do,” jimin says bluntly. yizhuo’s lips fall into a thin line. of course her friends were aware. they helped pick out the ring for god’s sake. the weight of a velvet box lying in her bedside table haunts her dreams.

yizhuo stands up from her desk, inching closer to jimin, a faux smile on her face, “you don’t have to worry about me. it’s your special day after all.”

“not yet, but let me worry about my friend for a while more before i get married,” jimin mutters, “minjeong sent an invite to y/n.” yizhuo’s whole body tenses up. a blurry image of you appears in her brain. she immediately shuts that down.

biting the inside of her cheek, yizhuo turns away from jimin with folded arms, “and? did she say she was coming?”

yizhuo hears jimin’s hesitance.

“just say it.”

jimin clears her throat, “she’s coming with a plus one.”

a distant thought forms. a plus one. your new girlfriend? did you find someone else? were you coming to the wedding to flaunt your new lover? yizhuo wasn’t dumb, she knew that her friends disliked you, heavily. minjeong most definitely sent out that invitation with disgust. jimin told her what minjeong had said to you. aeri had barely brushed it off, saying you weren’t worth her time scolding, despite the chain of messages she sent. she knew that you were aware they hated you. why would you come to the wedding?

“i-i’m not sure what’s their relationship, but her name is kim chaewon and oh my god, minjeong’s gonna kill me, y/n requested for a shared hotel room,” jimin utters out nervously. yizhuo’s eyes turn into slits. a shared hotel room?

“i see,” yizhuo says indifferently, contrasting the feelings bubbling inside her, “that’s good to know.”

jimin places a hand on yizhuo’s shoulder, “hey, it could all mean nothing, i don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“does it matter when i’m already like this?” yizhuo retorts back.

“i hope you don’t do anything stupid. before everything, you’re still my friend. if y/n showing up makes you uncomfortable, i’ll tell her she’s not invited,” jimin says softly, “minjeong will understand. you come first.”

“it’s your wedding, jimin. i won’t be a burden to you guys. it’s your day,” yizhuo mirrors jimin’s frown.

jimin’s shoulders slack.

“it’s not about that,” the older girl retorts, exasperated.

“what is it about then?”

“i don’t think minjeong will stay neutral and be calm when she sees y/n,” jimin groans, “she’ll probably pick a fight with her and i don’t want my wife to be stressed and angry on her wedding day.”

yizhuo can’t help teasing jimin, “wife, huh?”

jimin smirks, “yes, wife. you know last week, minjeong called me—”

“oh kay! i think you should go!” yizhuo yells, saving herself from the details of her friends’ intimate lives. jimin cackles maniacally as she leaves the study. yizhuo sighs and leans her head against the wooden door. jimin’s footsteps can be heard as she walks downstairs, along with the voices of her friends. they’re all scattered and anxious, she hears the distant shouting of minjeong and aeri. despite the noise around her, yizhuo feels somewhat at peace. for now. she doesn’t know what she’s going to do the moment you come to the wedding.

because despite what everyone else says, yizhuo cannot move on. you were literally half of her life and more. when you had uttered those words of devastation, it was like the world had ended. a terrible nightmare that tortured yizhuo every single day. was she too overbearing? sometimes— well, last time, you had mentioned that she was a very affectionate and clingy girlfriend. was that the sole reason? yizhuo frowns. no, that couldn’t be. you were equally as physically needy as her.

maybe you had found someone new? the plus one that was coming? that didn’t seem plausible either. if you were cheating, yizhuo would most definitely know and you abhorred cheaters anyway.

as she wrecked her mind for reasons, a common past time she developed after you had left, the constant rewinding of the conversation had been engraved in her brain eternally.

(yizhuo had just gotten off work, a smile on her face as she entered the house, heels clacking against the floor. the thought of you waiting at home impatiently for her only brought her smile to widen. maybe you would run up to her and embrace her warmly, complaining about how long she took. yet, neither of those happened and she’s left staring at you, hunched over, at the dining table, a suitcase packed by your side.

“what are you doing?” she had asked curiously. were you going on a trip? begrudgingly, you had gotten up, a sombre look on your face as you whispered, “yizhuo…”

that ticked yizhuo off. you never called her yizhuo. it was always baby, honey, sweetheart. but never yizhuo. it sounded so foreign and cold coming from your lips.

“what’s wrong? is everything okay?” she asked.

your face contorts into one of utter desperation and heartbreak, “i think we should break up.”

yizhuo’s mind had gone blank. she had never anticipated hearing those words from you. break up? that wasn’t in her future with you. her heart clenched uncomfortably against her ribcage and her throat constricted, to the point she couldn’t mutter a single word.

taking advantage of her silence, you run your fingers through your hair, the hair that yizhuo would so lovingly comb through every night as she whispered words of devotion into your ear, “i want to break up.”

“no.” is the only thing yizhuo can say. wide-eyed and stupefied, “no.”

you look as stunned as she is, yet the stark difference between the two of you, are the tears that threaten to tip over at every passing second in your eyes.

“yizhuo,” you pleaded, “i’m sorry. i can’t.”

“why are you doing this?” she croaked out, demanding an answer. the weight of the velvet box in her purse felt like it was dragging her down to the darkest pits of hell. she couldn’t imagine something like this ever happening. you were meant to be her happily ever after.

“i—”

yizhuo couldn’t stand it anymore. “tell me why you want to break up!” she yelled, the confusion and fatigue of her body overwhelming everything.

“i… please… don’t make this harder than it already is.”

“you don’t love me anymore? you found someone else?” yizhuo accused. of course, none of these were the true reasons. you couldn’t even look at yizhuo in the eye before murmuring an apology again and grasping the suitcase in your hand.

“i love you,” you had whispered at the door, “i’m sorry.”

yizhuo doesn’t even respond. pure shock overtaking her as she watched you leave. the moment the door had closed, sobs took over yizhuo as she collapsed on the floor, heartbroken and devastated at losing the love of her life.

if you truly loved her, you wouldn’t have left so easily.)

that statement plagues yizhuo’s mind for the next few years. it replays in her head repeatedly, like a broken mantra. she knows that it’s unhealthy; to be thinking of you every night before she succumbs to a dreamless sleep. yet, sometimes, yizhuo prays that she might be dreaming, and when she wakes up, you would be right by her side. jimin thinks she should get a therapist. but yizhuo doesn’t want to get over you. she fears that you might just become a hazy memory, lost in anger and grief. she doesn’t want that to happen. because despite everything, the pain you have caused her, she still loves you.

it’s strange, the way love works. yizhuo hates you for doing this to her; ruining her for anyone else because if they even bore a similar trait to you, she would just break down. like the blind date aeri had set her up on long ago. fresh out of the breakup, and with extreme bribery and convincing, yizhuo had met shen xiaoting, one of aeri’s friends, over dinner. aeri had said that maybe yizhuo needed someone closer to her culture, and with the homesickness she felt constantly, the lack of comforting words that you provided, yizhuo agreed.

that date was the whole reason aeri stopped asking yizhuo to go on blind dates, for when xiaoting had mentioned that she liked cats, yizhuo had started bawling, the memory of you playing with your own pet cursing her mind.

it was embarrassing to say the least, and even more embarrassing to explain to xiaoting that it wasn’t her fault. the poor girl had thought yizhuo had something against cats. aeri apologised endlessly as yizhuo cried, with an awkward xiaoting patting her shoulder. at least they became friends.

maybe, with the support of her friends, yizhuo would be able to stand the sight of you at the wedding. it would be totally fine! and if she sees you with someone new, maybe, just maybe, it would give her the motivation to finally get over you.

honestly, screw everything. you literally hate chaewon right now. thankfully, jimin and minjeong had provided a one night stay at the hotel. your apartment (and mao) was being taken care of by sakura, one of chaewon’s friends. there was apparently a party before the actual day. you assumed they would just want a shared bachelorette party. however, your self-proclaimed wingman was cozying up to one of the guests. by her straight posture and gentle expression, she was probably nakamura kazuha from high school. yizhuo was friends with her, you remember.

you couldn’t believe that all those words of encouragement had flown out the window the moment chaewon locked eyes with the ‘love of her life’. you roll your eyes, already annoyed with your friend. somehow, you still hadn’t spotted yizhuo amongst the crowd.

most of them, you didn’t recognise. some, from high school and college. the rest, probably family members. maybe some faces stood out, like shin ryujin from history class or jang wonyoung, the valedictorian. but mostly, unrecognisable. from the various mops of hair in the crowd, you spot uchinaga aeri’s infamous smirk. you wonder where the rest of the group are.

you sigh, taking a lonely sip of the champagne they provided. at least it was good.

chaewon’s obnoxious laughter fills the area. it’s loud and irritating, or maybe you’re just easily annoyed right now. kazuha just stares at her, all confused. it’s a little funny.

“y/n.” a steely voice rings out from the crowd. you whip your head, heart racing at the familiar but dreadful tone.

“oh,” you whisper, horror-stricken. you weren’t prepared to meet them now!

the older girl merely stares at you, before you bow your head hesitantly, “congratulations on your marriage.”

jimin visibly loosened up, her eyes twinkling and shining with adoration, “thank you.” perhaps out of all of yizhuo’s friends, jimin was the one who hated you the least. she didn’t bother scolding you or cursing you out, only choosing to glare at you.

“i think we should talk,” she finally says after a moment of silence. you wholeheartedly agree with her. if you were meant to see yizhuo tomorrow, you definitely needed another friend that wasn’t chaewon.

she brings you out of the function room, the starry night sky being the only company outside. jimin takes a long gulp of her champagne.

“why’d you really break up with yizhuo?”

the patiently and dedicated stitches of a sewed wound are ripped apart, directly exposing your bleeding heart and emotions. everything comes falling apart the moment she asks. you can only stare at her.

“i… i made a mistake,” you shake your head, “i wasn’t ready.”

jimin, patient as always, hums, urging you to continue.

“she wanted to get married. i didn’t,” you say, with grief and regret lacing your every word, because everything would be fine if you had just talked to yizhuo.

“we helped her pick out the ring,” jimin adds. you only feel more guilty.

“i can’t give her the life she wants, unnie,” the endearing term of intimacy slips out, a cry filled with desperation, “she deserves the world and i can’t give her that.”

“you were her world. it’s that simple. she only ever wanted you.”

hurt gnaws at your heart, it’s palpitating with raw stabs that echo of your heartbreak.

“i don’t deserve her,” you sigh, “i had to let her go. i couldn’t bear to see the look on her face if i refused her engagement.”

jimin nods, “i understand your fear. but i hate the fact that this could have been solved with an explanation.”

you groan, anger coursing through your veins. you were so upset and narrow-minded at the time. the only solution was to seemingly break up with yizhuo. it would spare her the everlasting pain from a rejection of her proposal.

“i know, i just couldn’t at that time.”

the older girl tries to smile. it’s akin to one of those encouraging ones she would give right before an exam or test. it sparks a shiver of nostalgia.

“jagiya, where are you— oh.”

jimin quickly straightens up, swiftly turning around to face minjeong with a grin, “hey, mindoong.”

you tense up, your fingers wrapping around the glass tightly.

“glad you could make it,” minjeong’s eyes flicker up and down your body, venom evident in her tone as she hisses, “y/n.”

nodding, you reply, “thank you for inviting me.”

the tension is overbearing; with minjeong’s glares, jimin’s beaming smile and your awkward shuffling, you couldn’t wait to retreat to the comfort of your hotel room.

“where’s your girlfriend?” minjeong suddenly asks. you stare at her, confused, “my what?”

jimin’s eyes widen as she hastily pulls minjeong aside, frantically whispering in her ear. but like the past, jimin has never been a good whisperer. you catch phrases like ‘she might not be her girlfriend’ and ‘what if yizhuo hears?’. a looming sensation brews in your stomach.

“kim chaewon? is that her name?” minjeong asks harshly, “didn’t take you to like korean girls, i thought you liked chinese girls instead.”

you’re visibly taken aback. what was minjeong saying? chaewon? your girlfriend? since when was chaewon your girlfriend?

“uh,” despite your fear of minjeong yelling at you, your words come out firmly, “chaewon isn't my girlfriend.”

minjeong falters slightly before scoffing, “yeah right. you don’t have to lie now. we all know that you left yizhuo for some other girl.”

your heart stops. what?

what was she saying?

leaving yizhuo for another girl?

“i— i would never… that’s—”

“minjeong unnie, that’s enough.”

you’ve thought of this moment forever. every single day after the break up. you’ve thought of running back into her arms, apologising endlessly for even thinking of breaking up with her. you’ve thought of how she would accept you graciously with murmurs of comfort, because that was just how she was. a gracious and generous girl who deserved the world. you’ve thought of her bright smile and gleaming eyes.

you’ve never thought of her staring at you, a dull and saddened look on her face.

“ning—”

“minjeong unnie,” she pleads, “please.”

the watery gaze must have swayed minjeong over. you would know, having fallen prey to her puppy eyes before. yizhuo slides the door open, watching intently as minjeong and jimin leave.

“good luck,” jimin whispers just before she steps away. you think you need all the luck in the world right now.

yizhuo lets out a heavy sigh once the door slides closed. she gazes at you for a second. you’re taken back to your younger days, where every day was spent just staring at yizhuo. you had proclaimed confidently that yizhuo was the most gorgeous girl on earth. you aren’t wrong. the years you spent apart from her had done her generously. it had only been two, yet, yizhuo looked more mature and sure of herself.

“did you really find someone new?” she whispers, shattering the glass of ignorance. you swallow, shaking your head, “no.”

yizhuo thinks back to the drunken message you had sent.

“was that on purpose? that text you sent,” she asks, eyes wide and afraid of your answer.

you shake your head again, “i was drunk. i’m sorry.”

“i hate you, you know that right?” yizhuo says. before, you had imagined the piercing stab of pain that came with those words. you had thought it would be the end of your life, with the girl you loved the most saying she hated you.

it’s understandable now, and inevitable.

“i know,” you whisper.

yizhuo continues to stare at you. somehow, this all feels like a fever dream, one that she’ll wake up from soon. it feels unreal to have you in front of her again.

she takes in the sight of you, memorising every detail for if you leave again.

“why’d you come then?”

there are many reasons that you can say, with varying degrees of truthfulness; to congratulate jimin and minjeong, to see your friends again, to just visit your hometown.

“i wanted to see you.” it’s the truthest thing you’ve ever said.

“you can’t,” yizhuo inhales sharply, “yo-you can’t just show up like this.”

“i know, i’m sorry.”

your head hangs lowly.

“tell me the real reason why you left.”

you had expected this.

she would want closure.

your throat constricts uncomfortably.

“i… yizhuo…”

“tell me.” it feels similar to your past.

yizhuo looks as beautiful as ever. she’s the only thing you can think of right now. her lips are moving, yet you don’t hear a single thing.

“i didn’t want marriage.”

oh.

the girl’s eyebrows furrow. her eyes turning into slits of anger as she takes in a deep breath. you know she’s about to start tearing up. maybe you should quickly explain yourself.

it’s your only chance.

“i saw you looking at engagement rings and i knew i wouldn’t be ready if you got down on one knee. you’re a model, for god’s sake. you had a prospering career, being tied down to someone like me wouldn’t bring you any benefits,” you finally say. it’s not the full reason why, but you hope yizhuo would understand even a semblance of your choice.

“i know that it’s a shitty excuse. i know that i’m a coward. but what else was i meant to do?”

yizhuo huffs.

“talked to me. you could have talked to me.”

you resist the urge to roll your eyes.

“would that stop me from breaking your heart?”

the love of your life stands before you. yet, it seems like the only words of devotion you’ll exchange is how devoted she is to hating you. yizhuo crosses her arms, frowning, “yes. i’d much rather have a minute of heartbreak than years of it. you’re such a prick.”

“yizhuo—”

“no, you don’t get to do this,” she points a finger at your chest, prodding the area where your head resides ferociously, “you can’t just come back, explain yourself with an extremely stupid reason, and expect that i would be okay with it. you sent me a drunk text, saying you missed me. how come i don’t feel anything?”

“i love you, yizhuo. i just did what i thought was right in that moment—”

the only thing you can hear is your heart shattering into pieces at the sight of tears falling down her face. yizhuo sniffles, her voice becoming shrill as she adds on, “you’re an asshole. you think you’re the only one in this relationship? you didn’t even explain yourself properly. you think you’re making the right choices for us? for me?”

you continue to stare at her blankly.

the next words come out like a gunshot, “then you don’t know me at all.”

it snaps onto your skin, leaving a scathing burn and engraving ning yizhuo’s name into your body. your insides coil up painfully. hearing yizhuo’s cries as you left years ago had been torturous, but nothing beats her breaking down in front of you right this instant. you’re overcome with a striking urge to pull her into your arms and whisper words of affection into her ears, promising her to never leave. the pet name leaves your mouth quicker than you can think.

“baby—”

a sharp stinging sensation sears in your right cheek. you can feel the affected area heating up, scorching hot and red. yizhuo’s handprint is evident, singed in your skin.

an onslaught of tears rises, but you’re determined to not let them fall.

“okay,” you whisper, unable to say anything else to the equally stunned yizhuo, “i’ll leave. i’m sorry.”

the girl just stands outside in the cold, her eyes bloodshot and cheeks rosy from the wind. before you go, the slight shiver that runs through her body makes you hesitate. the comfort of your jacket feels like a heavy burden now.

maybe you would get slapped again. but at least yizhuo wouldn’t be cold.

gently taking it off, you encase yizhuo in your jacket, biting your cheek (which still hurts!) to resist a smile at how it covers her small figure. she gazes at you like a deer caught in headlights. you sigh and try to move your legs, but they feel like jelly. with much difficulty, you finally make it to the door, using the frame to stabilise your wobbly walking.

when you turn back, yizhuo isn’t staring at you, but she’s staring at the night sky, more specifically, the moon. you take one last look at her. the weight on your shoulders is gone now. and all that is left is a longing feeling to have yizhuo back in your arms again. but maybe, you could live with that.

sliding the door open, you go back into the function room. the crowd had dispersed, leaving just a few people chatting around. you spot jimin and minjeong talking while drinking. aeri’s at the bar, engaged in a conversation with a waitress. chaewon, god bless her, is relatively nearby, while kazuha is nowhere to be found.

“chaewon,” you breathe out, relieved. she turns to you, startled, “oh damn, what happened to your face? you look a little…”

“i know,” you laugh dryly, “i think it’s time for us to leave and go to sleep now.”

chaewon doesn’t argue and instead nods, her eyes drawn to the reddening mark across your cheek. even in the dark light, she could still notice the imprints of someone’s fingers.

“she slapped you?” she asks while you head towards the elevator.

“yeah,” you scratch the back of your neck, “we kind of… argued.”

chaewon laughs heartily at your misfortune. you’re glad at least this brings someone joy. maybe minjeong too. she would love to see you in pain.

“i think you should get some rest buddy,” she pats your back. you nod, feeling as if sleep was just an arm’s reach away.

the conversation with yizhuo had drained you significantly, both mentally and physically. and maybe you should put some ointment on the red area too. you might wake up with a bruise or something tomorrow.

the urge to flop into bed is too strong as chaewon slides the keycard into the slot. the door opens, revealing a luxurious hotel suite with a king-sized bed. you remember requesting for a shared room. it was to mainly prevent yourself from doing anything reckless when drunk. you’d have chaewon to keep you grounded.

“did you get kazuha’s number?” you ask as chaewon throws her face cleanser at you. the girl giggles, “yeah. she’s so cute.”

you subtly cringe at the lovestruck look in her eyes.

groaning, you head into the bathroom. your eyes widen as you prod at your cheek, shocked that yizhuo landed such a heavy hit. damn, has she been going to the gym lately? the yizhuo back then barely had any strength to resist your tickles. there wasn’t any surging hot anger left from yizhuo slapping you, just a dull and yearning hope for her. maybe you should calm yourself down by taking a cold shower.

after dowsing yourself with water, you padded out of the bathroom, only to discover that chaewon wasn’t hunched over her luggage anymore.

you check your phone.

chaewon [10.27pm]:

zuha texted me, staying w her for the night

there’s ointment on the bedside table

for ur stupid face

bye :p

wow. chaewon had managed to do that within a day. staying at a girl’s hotel room? you whistle lowly. maybe she was onto something. but with her departure, the hotel room feels too quiet now. only the breezing and fluttering sounds of the airconditioning accompanying your thoughts of self-loathing. collapsing onto the bed, you reach out for the ointment.

just as you unscrew the cap, the doorbell rings. you don’t recall ever ordering room service. maybe it was chaewon and she forgot something?

you turn the door knob, not bothering to check who it was.

“chaewon—”

ning yizhuo stands before you, glassy eyes and a look of desperation that you’re familiar with.

“oh.”

she shuffles awkwardly, gesturing at your cheek, “are—is it okay? does it hurt?”

gulping, you shake your head.

“can we talk?” she asks, in the quietest voice ever, her words coming out shaky and breathless.

you open the door wider.

yizhuo mutters a soft, “thank you,” as she enters the room. you quickly send a text to chaewon telling her not to come back.

“did you put any cream on it?” she asks.

“no, not yet. i was just about to,” you reply quietly. the tension from the heated argument from before had disapparented, only leaving a strained relationship behind.

“can you sit down?”

you follow her instructions dutifully, sitting right at the edge of the bed. yizhuo lifts the ointment up, squeezing a bit on her finger before gently rubbing it into your cheek. it hurts, but the softness of her touch heals the area.

wincing as she applies more pressure, you can only stare at the girl.

“i’m sorry,” she whispers.

“it’s okay.”

you want to pull her into your arms.

you want her to lean onto you.

you want the feeling of her skin against yours.

“i was really hurt.”

“i know.”

yizhuo sighs, her hands dropping.

“i can’t believe you left me so easily.”

your chest tightens at the devastated tone in her voice. it wasn’t easy, you want to say. but it doesn’t feel right to defend yourself now.

“i thought it was the right thing to do.”

yizhuo lifts her head up, “why didn’t you just tell me you didn’t want to get married?”

“i don’t know,” it comes out in a hushed murmur, “i didn’t want to tie you down. you had a lot more things to accomplish.”

“i’d rather have you and nothing than losing you and having everything.”

the confession goes unsaid. because you’re her everything.

“i’m sorry. you just had your whole life in front of you and i was in the back. i… i didn’t fit into your life.”

the girl takes everything in. you were just so afraid then. scared that once you said yes to her proposal, yizhuo might realise that you weren’t the one for her. you’d rather be away from her, than be with her and make her unhappy. you didn’t want to live a miserable life where you hated each other.

“you don’t get to make that choice for me.”

“i know, yizhuo.”

yizhuo’s eyes are brimming with tears. her raven hair covering her face partially, but you can feel the pain radiating off her.

“you know that i would have been happy just being with you?”

“i know.”

“god, you still left like it was the easiest decision of your life.”

no it wasn’t, you again want to protest.

“you know that even in another life, i would choose to just have you by my side, even if i lose everything else? don’t you understand the extent of my love for you?”

it’s so surreal— the way yizhuo is practically begging for you to realise that leaving her was the worst possible choice for you to make.

“i love you too much.”

“then why’d you leave?” she asks.

through tears, you shakily breathe out, “because i love you too much.”

the lack of past tense doesn’t bother you, nor does it bother yizhuo. it’s a given that you’re still madly in love with the girl, and vice versa. it only leaves the question of what will happen now. yizhuo doesn’t say much afterwards. it’s the truth. you love her too much that you couldn’t bear to see her suffer because of you.

“i was so ready to marry you, i bought a ring,” yizhuo mutters, shedding tears. her sniffles aren’t concealed by the low humming of the air conditioning. it feels too real.

“forgive me, please,” you say.

“i can’t.”

the hotel room goes quiet.

“that’s okay,” it’s hard to say. you want to protest against everything, beg yizhuo to take you back and you could live your happily ever after with her.

it doesn’t happen. you don’t fall to your knees and plead.

you only stare at yizhuo in a mix of fear and longing affection. it pains you to see her so broken, and it only drives the knife further into your heart to know you’re the reason why.

“i’m so tired, y/n.”

you nod, feeling the fatigue seep in.

“me too.”

“can i sleep here tonight?” yizhuo asks softly.

you nod. there were still things to talk about, but you think you’ve done a decent job so far. pulling the covers over your bodies as yizhuo slides into the bed, you relish in the warmth and comfort of having her beside you again.

she turns her head to look at you, uncertainty filling her voice, “let’s talk more in the morning. i’m tired now.”

you agree with her wholeheartedly, inching closer to fit against her back.

as yizhuo’s eyelids flutter shut, you caress her skin tenderly. your index finger writes against her back, strokes lining her skin.

我爱你.

i love you. it’s one of the many phrases you’ve picked up throughout the years of being with the girl. she only taught you silly words and swears, but yizhuo had insisted you learn how to say and write those very words.

it’s fitting, because it’s all you ever feel for her.

because of yizhuo, you’ve had the opportunity to experience having a soulmate for almost your whole life. because of yizhuo, there’s no lingering doubt of being unlovable. because of yizhuo, you get to spend your days filled with happiness.

because of yizhuo, you understand what love is.

you just hope she understands you too.

[reallyromealone]

Male reader who is an omega and is mated to jinshi and they have 2 pups but instead of wanting to be like their dad they want to be like mao mao cue a sulky jinshi and a smug cat mao mao

The reader had to comfort his mate

Title: family woes

Fandom: the Apothecary diaries

Pairing: Jinshi x male reader

Warnings: male reader, omegaverse, fluff implied mpreg

☁️🩷☁️🩷☁️🩷☁️🩷☁️🩷☁️🩷☁️🩷☁️🩷☁️🩷☁️

(Name) and Jinshi made cute kids, it was just a fact.

"Hello my little moonflowers" Jinshi crouched to his two pups who immediately rushed to them "papa! We know who we wanna be wanna be when we are bigger!" The eldest (daughters name) said as little (sons name) nodded and lifted his arms to be held by his dad who complied "oh? And whose that?" The man was smug, it was him obviously as these were his sons and they adored him and ---

"Maomao!"

What.

No.

/What/.

"Say that again?" His voice shaking as the youngest looked at him "wa be maomao!!" His voice excited as the Alpha looked dejected "you wanna be her?" He whimper as the elder daughter nodded "she's so cool!"

"Why is he so glum?" Maomao asked as she sipped her tea, glancing at the pouting prince as the children played with their toys "oh he's just huffy that the pups said they wanted to be like you when they're older opposed to them being like him" (name) said simply as the youngest came for a treat "isn't that right my little sunflower?" (Name) asked his son who ate his treat "I wa be maomao!" He said happily and Jinshi groaned, looking at maomaos smug as hell expression "well maybe when your older I can teach you about herbs and what not to eat"

"Can I too?!" (Daughters name) asked excitedly and maomao looked to the two Royals "of course you may, my little moonbeam" (name) gently fixed her hair and the young child beamed at this "yaaay!"

One who looked into this scene would be confused about maomao being so informal with the prince and his family but to those in the know, maomao is (name)s right hand, the one he speaks to outside of Jinshi.

"Now, what do we say?"

"Thank you maomao!"

"Stop pouting Jin! Your face will freeze like that!"

[ciciyup]

Yandere! Lau X Fem! Reader headcanons.

cw: Sensitive themes, prejudice, xenophobia, manipulation, slight obsession, little nsfw, angst, murder, dark themes, stalking. (don't forget the era in which the story is set)

━━━━━━✧ 🦢 ✧━━━━━━

Lau thinks about how peculiar all those people around him are, he seemed to have the affinity to notice the hypocrisy of the people around him. They all appeared so neat and so modest, what would they be like behind closed doors? Surely the men would stop being as gentlemen as they took it for granted in public and the women would stop being a lady as they tried to be all the time, behind closed doors it was another thing, but Lau had always believed that people in England were very peculiar.

Of course, he couldn't deny that the balls were entertaining, especially when the young Earl Phantomhive was there with his indispensable butler, everything seemed to go perfectly. The tables with the best dishes and food of the best quality, the mansion shining without a single spot of dust, the excellent decoration, how fascinating.

Ladies at balls were not something that caught Lau's attention, being surrounded by women was something he was used to, so at balls he didn't usually ask a woman to dance, maybe chat a little with other men of status, have a drink and stay there, but not court.

It was curious when he saw you, he had never seen you at any of the balls or any other event, but he assumed you were close to the Phantomhive family when he saw you talking to the count. Weren't you lovely? You seemed to shine in such a beautiful dress and a choice of such beautiful colors, from his place Lau could guess that you only wore the finest and most expensive fabrics. He could guess the time it took you to choose such a delicate hairstyle, the perfect curls that fell behind your back, the bun tied perfectly without a single loose hair, the perfect decoration with precious pearls around your hair, although surely it hadn't been done by you but by some maid. You looked radiant.

There was no other way to do it, if he wanted to talk to you he had to ask you for a dance, that was how it was there, it would be too reckless if he just approached you to talk, very ungentlemanly. Besides, since you had arrived you seemed to be close to an older man and an older woman with whom you were talking, they were surely your parents, you had very similar features to each one, he should make a good impression at least, where would his manners be if he didn't?

Your eyes seemed to inspect him before accepting his invitation, your gloved hands timidly touched his as you followed him to the center of the room along with the other couples who were already there, of course, it would be unacceptable if you refused him, what a rude lady to reject the invitation of such a kind man. A perfect occasion to talk to you, he had to take advantage of it.

It was easy to start a conversation while the dance was slow and not that tiring, Lau found out that you were the only daughter of a high class marriage and of very good social status, although you couldn't always be present at many events due to the little time you had for other tasks, although it also seemed that you didn't love the idea of dances, but it seemed that your parents were the ones who most wanted you to find a man who would become your husband, that is why they made sure that you went with them to the events.

After finishing the dance Lau offered to take you to his seat to continue talking while keeping his big smile the whole time. It seemed strange to you when as soon as you sat down there was a young woman next to you, he nonchalantly told you that it was Ran-mao referring to her as his sister, however, there were touches on both parts such as Lau touching her legs and holding her close to him or her hugging him by the arm from time to time. You did not say anything, but perhaps your expressions already gave a lot to say.

Still, Lau had seemed like a charming man to you, he had charisma and a constant cheerfulness, ignoring the fact that sometimes he used to go off topic or say meaningless words, but that was okay, that didn't bother you. He seemed to be a good supporter, a noble with a good status and earnings and who seemed to be easy to deal with, you had liked him.

Your parents not so much, as soon as you stayed too long with him, your mother came to you while giving some quick excuse to take you with her, quickly saying goodbye to Lau while giving him a contemptuous look and taking you out of there.

Lau knew it right away, he could pretend on the outside, but he wasn't stupid, he knew exactly the typical looks. Your parents hadn't liked him, money wasn't the problem but where it came from. He cared little about what your parents liked, he was interested only in you.

He got distracted, he snuck in, who knows, but what he did know was what was going on out there with your family, while Lau was out of the party he could see your mother walking quickly towards the carriage with you while she frowned and scolded you.

"Don't get together with that man again." "He's not good for you, we already have someone for you." Hearing the words, Lau could only raise his eyebrows slightly, but he seemed more interested in the fact that they had already found someone for you than in what they were talking about him. They already had someone for you, that had been fast, the fact of imagining another man courting you made his smile disappear.

After that day of the dance, Lau kept investigating everything about you and your family, he couldn't deny that the fact that you were already engaged to another man made him bitter, so he took action. It wasn't for nothing that he worked in the underworld, he could use it to his advantage after all. He was already there in your life, even if they had only danced and chatted for a while, Lau was sure that he would know more about you than the guy you were going to get engaged to.

Strangely, while your parents were traveling in a carriage, it broke down, causing them to have an accident where neither of them managed to survive. On top of that, the suitor you were engaged to had stopped sending you letters and had disappeared completely.

You were devastated, your parents had died, you would no longer have the funds to live on since, being a woman, all of your family's fortune would pass into the hands of your distant cousin and the truth is that he would not share a single cent with you. The man you were engaged to had disappeared, you had tried to go to his parents or even the servants but no one had dared to say anything about his whereabouts, which left you baffled. Maybe he had backed out after hearing about your parents' death, was that it? Now that you no longer had any fortune had he declined?

Satisfied by the events that had happened, Lau knew that it was the perfect time to intervene, now that you were helpless and vulnerable, he could take you easier. He showed up at your parents' funeral, paying his respects, and as soon as it was over he offered to take you home in his carriage, although on the way there was hardly any chatter, he had decided to wait for the right moment. As soon as you were arriving at your destination he starts talking and proposing an offer that he knew would benefit you: if you married him you would no longer have to worry about money or anything else, none of that, he would take care of it. You just had to marry him, just that.

You were not in a position to choose, it was that or be left adrift with nothing, but you thought that after all the man had been so friendly and kind that he would be your salvation, which made you quickly accept.

Oh, how wrong you were, if you had known what he was really like, if you had known what he would do, if only you had known... But you had already accepted and once you fall into the web it is difficult to get out of it. Lau took you as a naive young girl, so naive that you thought of nothing else but clinging to the first float you saw in the water and he wanted you, he wanted that naive young girl.

It was nice at first, after his marriage, you moved in with him, but there started to be little things that you began to notice that made you doubt if he was the real man you thought you knew.

Why was he always smoking to the point where you had to open the windows in the house so you wouldn't drown? He had never smoked before. Why was Ran-mao always sitting on his lap and even when you did things that were just for you as a married couple she was always there? She was supposed to be just his sister. Why did he suddenly disappear without saying anything to the point of sometimes not coming back to the house and leaving you alone? Or why did he seem to become more irritable when you did something he didn't want? He was supposed to be a good man, right?

And when you had enough, you decided to find out for yourself. Silently following him as he left the house until you reached a strange place that went beyond the dangerous alleys, above the door of the place there was a sign with something written in Chinese, although you did not understand what it said so you continued on entering the place.

Too much smoke, too many shameless men who seemed to look you up and down while they had scantily clad women by their side. The further you went into the place the murkier everything became, you did not even want to know what was behind the many doors of the place where strange noises were heard.

Then there you saw him, smoking carefree, several women surrounded him including Ran-mao who was sitting on his lap. Seeing you, Lau puts his pipe aside and releasing the smoke held in his mouth he looks at you opening his eyes a little more seriously. He knew it, he knew that you had followed him. As soon as all the women beside him left and the two of you were left, Lau approaches you in a nonchalant manner as you begin to ask about what kind of place it was, surely he didn't work in what he once told you, no, it was something darker.

Then, when all you want is explanations, you don't expect Ran-mao to appear from behind injecting a needle into your neck causing you to quickly lose consciousness.

Even after you've followed him and discovered something he didn't plan to tell you, it only makes everything worse between you. Lau's violent tendencies aren't frequent but when they appear they aren't pleasant, he implements them with you.

Using his needles in a way that was not gentle on you until you cried was just the tip of the iceberg, each thing he did seemed to be worse than the other. Locking you in the room of the house without food or water or even seeing the sunlight for days until you knock on the door apologizing for anything just to be let out. You wouldn't go out anywhere, not when he knew you might run away or tell someone, not that he cared since he could use his contacts and make the people involved disappear and find you right away, but he preferred to save himself all that, so he doesn't let you go out alone, you would only go out with him to some event, but you would stay in your place, as his good wife.

Now, being together or not, he would want to satisfy his needs from time to time, just accept it and let it go, that's how it is. Let him fuck you in his opium den, the companions that surround him are not important, he wants you. Let him take you to the edge until you can't go back to yourself and only think about him. Let him raise you and fill you until you can have an heir like in all marriages, because that's what they are, he's your husband and you're his wife, you're united, there's nothing wrong with that.

Lau is aware, he knows that you know that he is working on things that are not so pleasant, on things that are too low to say out loud, he knows that from the first moment he saw you his intentions with you have not been good and they never will be, but don't blame him, you are special to him, he can't let you go, even if it hurts you.

━━━━━━✧ 🦢 ✧━━━━━━

[profundcherrylady]

SINGLE DAD!SAE ITOSHI.

A/N: Finally writing about Sae's late wife because y'all have been begging me to (y'all: like 3 people). Honestly idk if I'm gonna make more parts of this one so sorry I can't think of anything else at the moment (and I have other themes I wanna write)

Warnings: Mentions of death (kinda explicit but not too much) and SOME angst, bc obviously he's gonna be sad. Lots of grieving (it all works out in the end trust 🙏)

Contents: Sae being a little careless and awkward lol, kid not knowing a single thing about keeping her thoughts to herself, some fluff but this is a weird mix of like three things at the same time including hurt/comfort. Implied fem!reader (usage of femenine pronouns for reader, reader being refered to as 'miss')

Description: After losing his daughter at the supermarket, y/n FINALLY makes and appearance and makes the tag "sae x reader" make sense for once.

At the vegetable section, you struggled to choose between the various options to bring home for dinner. It shouldn't be this hard, since you were all by yourself most of the time, but you couldn't decide what you wanted to eat. It was then when you felt a gentle tug on your coat that made you look down, little teary teal eyes meeting yours and almost making you smile at the adorable sight of this kid staring at you in confusion.

"Hey sweetheart, what's wrong? Where are your parents?" you took notice of the lack of adult supervision this child had, since all the other adults around seemed to be either alone or not in panic of having lost a kid.

The girl opened her mouth to speak but then paused (seemingly reconsidering her words) and then spoke again, "Hi, my name is Mao Itoshi. I can't find my papa right now, can you help me find him or get me to the 'nearesest' 'autohority'?

And your heart almost melted at the way she messed up her little speech (which you assumed was given by her father in case she got lost). And how could you say no to helping this little angel? "Aw, of course honey, let's get you to your dad." you took her small hand in yours, ensuring she wouldn't get lost again, and started walking around in hopes to find her father. She still seemed a little scared and confused but you managed to calmed her down with the assurance of finding her dad. "What does he look like?"

"Um... he's... super tall and super cool-looking." you chuckled at her answer. Of course she wouldn't give you an actual description.

"I mean, what's the color of his hair or his eyes. Does he have eyes like yours?"

"Yeah."

"And what's his name?"

"...Papa?" you laughed again.

"You know your dad's name isn't 'papa', right? He has an actual name."

"He does??? What is it?"

"I don't know." you giggled. "Don't worry, I'm sure we'll know when we find him."

"Mao!!" a short-breathed, panicked voice interrupted your little conversation, and it was then when you spotted Sae for the first time. You weren't particularly interested in football, but even then Sae's reputation as the country's favorite midfielder was hard to ignore. One would think he wouldn't be out in a public space like this, but here he was, a totally different face as what was shown in the media. He looked just like a regular father, relived to have found his child.

"Papa!" the child beamed at the sight of her dad, and she let herself be carried and hugged as soon as he reached her.

"What were you thinking wandering around like that? You're just so- I've told you a million times- You are in so much trouble, young lady, you- What did you think would happen if-" he took a moment to breathe. In moments like this one, gentle parenting was probably one of the hardest things Sae has ever done. He tried his best to not loose his cool and scream at her; that wouldn't solve anything. The important thing was that she was safe and sound. "...You are going to give me a heart attack one of these days. Something bad could've happened to you, you know? I'm just... glad you're okay." and it was then when Sae first took notice of you, standing awkwardly trying to not ruin the little family reunion.

"She helped me get to you, papa." he heard his daughter explain, and it made sense because he knew the little girl would probably still be crying for her dad if no one was there to help. So although he would've liked to avoid the extra social interaction, he figured the least he could do was say thank you.

"Thank you for helping her. I've told her to not wander around, especially in big supermarkets like this, but she just won't listen sometimes..." you chuckled once again, now more from embarrassment than amusement at her antics.

"That's okay. I know how kids can be."

"You got any?" he inquired, and you shook your head with another laugh (which Sae didn't understand because he asked seriously).

"Nah. I mean, they're nice, I'm not saying I wouldn't like any, but I don't have any kids at the moment. Just little siblings; they can be just as difficult."

"You don't have to tell me twice..." he scrunched his nose a little at the thought of Rin as a child, and how difficult he was to handle, which in retrospective made it easy to figure how he got along so well with his niece (lil bro was just as problematic)

"But your kid seems nice. I'm sure she's a good child."

"When she wants to be... but mostly yes, I try to make sure she grows up to be good."

"I'm pretty sure she will."

"Are you single, miss?" Sae turned his head at his child so fast he might've breaked his neck, but he didn't care about that, he was too busy being shocked.

"Mao, don't ask people things like that."

"Why not? She's so nice to me, I like her. And you're single too!"

"That doesn't mean you can ask her if she's single. You need to think before you speak a little more, god..." he turned to you again, "So sorry about her; seems like she hasn't learned social norms yet." (Isn't that his job to teach her? Lol.) "We'll be going now, thanks again." with the still complaining child on his arms, he walked away to his shortly abandoned shopping cart, making sure to NOT set her down this time so he could keep an eye on her.

"Papaaaaa."

"Don't throw a tantrum in here, please... what's going on now? What you did was wrong, you know?" he sighed. "I don't you didn't mean anything bad, but you can't just ask any woman who is nice if she's single and try to set her up with me."

"Why not?"

"It just isn't correct, okay? Why are you insisting so much on this?" she pouted, hiding her face on his shoulder on an attempt to not talk to him. Sae rolled his eyes at the sight as he continued pushing the shopping cart through the aisles, then spoke again. "Come on, tell me."

"I wanna do the mommy-daughter dance at school..."

"Oh..." that made it make sense. "I could do it with you; you don't have to set up strange women with me for a parent-daughter dance."

"It's a mommy-daughter dance! It's not the same... I'm the only one who doesn't have a mom and the teacher says it's okay but I know my classmates are gonna think I'm weird." he hummed, understanding her feelings. Of course, he hadn't gone through anything similar, but he could get how she could feel singled out if she showed up to a mother-daughter dance with her father. He really did wish there was something he could do to make her feel a little better.

"Well, sweetie, there's not much I can do... you know I'm happy to do the dance with you if you want." he felt her lower her voice a little as he got closer to the line infront of the check-out.

"I know..."

"Don't get so sad... you're not going to be left out, I promise. It's the same thing, I mean, what difference does it make? I'm still a parent, and you said your teacher said it was okay."

"She did..." Sae's attempts to cheer up his daughter were failing, so he went straight to the only fool-proof plan he's ever known to always work.

"You want me to buy you ice-cream?"

"Okay..." he smiled a little for her, hoping to coax her to do the same, and once he was close enough to the small ice-cream freezer next to the cash register he opened the lid to take one for the little girl (one he knew for sure that she loved, just to be safe). But as he was taking out his hand he took notice of your presence, again. You looked even more surprised than him, but your expression quickly changed at the sight of the sad child.

"Aw... it's you again." you said, "why the long face, little one?"

"Don't mind her, she's upset about something... rightfully." Sae responded before Mao could. "Can't do anything about it though."

"A mother-daughter dance."

"And... why is that difficult...? Does she not have a...?"

"No."

"Oh... I'm very sorry." he answered you straight to the point. He was used to people asking about his late wife but he never bothered talking about it. It just... still hurt. And it kind of hurt even more knowing he couldn't give his daughter the one thing she yearned for the most, even though everyday he tried his hardest to give her the best life possible. He did everything in his power, he fought and struggled and worked day-to-day to be both a father and a mother somehow but it still wasn't enough. She still missed her mom as much as he did and the thought of replacing that woman was... well, there's just a reason why Sae was out of the dating game after his wife's passing.

And now he was here, teary-eyed child on his arms and a woman he only met once that same day on the supermarket, when the possibly stupidest idea came up to his brain, and he made the stupidest decision of saying it out loud.

"Listen, I know we don't... know each other technically but my daughter seems to think you're nice and... could you go with her to that dance? She just... she doesn't want to feel left out." he was also kind of desperate. Like really, really desperate because if he wasn't he wouldn't be asking this to a supermarket stranger. "You don't have to if you don't want to, but I... can't seem to find a solution to this. She'll settle to go with me if I tell her but she'll be sad and... people won't know you aren't actually her mom. It'll just be one night."

You doubted for a moment, but when you looked at that sad little girl with her big eyes full of tears, how on earth were you supposed to say no?

"Okay, I'll do it. I don't mind."

"And don't get me wrong, okay? I'm not trying to... replace her mother or anything; it's just that one night." he warned, and you nodded. "Thank you."

He tried to be nonchalant about it, however it was hard to deny the strange feelings he had about the situation. He closed himself off after his wife passed away and he promised to not try and find her a replacement, alas not get married again. This was the mother of his only child and the one woman he could say he's ever loved; how could he just throw that away dating someone else after she died like that? It felt wrong, somehow.

When he got married it was "til dead do us apart" so, what now that it did? He couldn't move on, no matter how much he tried. Even when his wife was dead he was struggling to process that he was a widowed man; whatever interaction he had with any woman for some reason still felt like a betrayal of his marriage. Like cheating. He was cheating on his wife who was no longer even alive. His daughter was motherless and he was a little bit of a coward. Many people had told him it was the grieving process and that the feelings would pass with time but they didn't feel like they were. He still teared up a little whenever he remembered that day when the stupid rain caused a stupid car crash that his wife wasn't even involved in yet got unjustly affected from the aftermath of the crash. Or when he got home and remembered he was one person short of a family. Yes, he had a daughter and furthermore a family to come home to, yet he felt... oddly lonely.

Was that normal? Was he allowed to feel lonely? How could he when she still had that child waiting for him at home and looking up to him, making him drawings and giving him hugs whenever she felt sad?

Maybe it was because he spent so much time working, or because his daughter spent a lot of time at her preschool, that it almost felt like it was just him. That he really was lonely.

So, fast-forward to a few months later, imagine his surprise when (before he could even realize it) you were part of his daily routine? It had become so frequent for his daughter to ask for your presence at school events or things like do her hair or just play together for a while that in a very short amount of time he found himself calling you over every weekend, and maybe making a little conversation with you while you were there. Then hours would pass and it would become a little too late for you to go home, so he'd offer you spend the night, and later inquire if you had dinner yet to make sure he had made enough food. The morning would come and with the moon hiding to let the sun rise you'd be gone as well; quick farewells before you rushed back to your own routine and his daughter would inevitably ask how much was left to see you again.

Then he'd chuckle at her impatience, staring at the door you just left through for a brief second.

And he'd say 'soon'.

[nightdncer]

✦ “oh, and don’t worry, darling!”

✦ warnings : fem!reader , female reader x Itadori Yuji , pet names

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.* *.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.* *.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.* *.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.* *.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

The sun was risen, a soft golden light hitting your window as it brushes through and goes into your room. The air conditioning was warm, a little too warm.

You take your blanket off in your sleep, and in a few minutes your roommate, also your boyfriend, barges into your room unannounced.

“Y/NN!!” He basically squealed, noticing your sleeping body. He quickly put his hand over his mouth, walking up to you. He sat at the edge of your bed, watching your eyes flutter open.

“Mghh, Ita..?” You murmured out, putting your arm over your eyes. “Ughh, w- what time is it?”

“Eight o’clock. Oh, and, I have to tell you something!” He said with an excited voice, like a kid telling their parents what it was like on the first day of school.

“Theres a festival in Shibuya, for Lunar New Year. Wanna go? Oh, and don’t worry, darling! It’ll happen tonight, so you can go back to sleep if you like, sleepyhead.” He said the last part teasingly, as you say up on the bed, rubbing your eyes.

“We… we can go.” You say as you nod, looking up at him.

He was a morning bird, getting up at six o’clock ripe, brushing his teeth and everything. You on the other hand? Slept late and woke up basically in the afternoon.

“Yay!” He squealed, hugging you by your side, resting his head against your shoulder.

“You’re so… clingy…” you grumbled out, lifting up a hand to mess up his hair.

“Hey! Careful there, dear! I just fixed my hair earlier!” He said in a fake-annoyed tone.

You then stretch, lending him a hand. “Wanna go get breakfast? I promise I’ll clean myseld fast.”

He nods, his eyes gleaming with joy. “Of course!”

———

“Mm, which shop?” He whispers to himself, looking up at two cafe shops. Fantasia Deluxe and Peaceful Mutters. Both very unique names, you wouldn’t expect it to be a cafe shop.

You pointed at Peaceful Mutters, going inside with him behind you.

~

“Ah, which one?” You mutter in his, showing him two items. Chocolate pancakes or strawberry and banana crepes.

“Mm… chocolate pancakes! It’ll be easier for me to feed you!” He says with gleam, as usual.

~

“Say ‘ah’” he said jokingly, holding a piece of the chocolate pancakes near your mouth, as you open your mouth and took a bite.

“Today is gonna be a busy day, huh?” He says to you, holding out another piece to you.

You grab the piece of pancake and shoved it in his mouth, obviously playing with him. It was fun to see his face get red, especially when it was just the two of you in your own worlds.

You nod, at his question, then shoved another piece in his mouth.

“Mghh, ome pimeme am a mime!” He grumbled out with a load of food in his mouth, chewing and swallowed it.

“Ughh, you’re such a tease, darling!” He whispers in your ear, shoving a piece of pancake into your mouth as ‘payback.’

After you two little ‘fight’ with each other, you both decided to go back into the dorms and rest in there.

He instantly flopped onto the couch you sitting in front of him.

“What are you-”

You then rested your body on top of his, wrapping your arms around him. “You’re warm!” You said teasingly, finally becoming the usual self of you.

His face becomes pomegranate red, his hand then started playing with your hair, your hair becoming even more tangled than it was before. “S- shut it…”

———

Finally, at eight o’clock during night, you both were in traditional Chinese clothings, walking among the streets of the Lunar Festival.

The streets were crowded, people walking from every side. Laughs, chatters, and chewing were heard from every block of the way. Yet, nothing stopped you and Itadori, the both of you ignoring everything else.

“Wanna go here?” He says as he pointed to a small shop of Chinese souvenirs. You nod instantly, heading in.

~

The first thing that caught your attention, Mao Memorabilia. It was a little red book, with unique designs on the front.

“Want it, I’ll but it for you?”

“No, I can-”

He instantly took the Mao Memorabilia from your hands, giving you that teasing look yet serious look that says “No talking back.”

As you both continue around the shop, he intertwined his hands with your fingers, not wanting anyone to snatch you. You knew no one was interested in you two, everyone paying attention to themself and their close ones. Yet, Itadori couldn’t help but feel protective.

There was a section for Chinese Calligraphy. All of them made you quickly invested. Each of them had a word in traditional Chinese texts. You loved them.

“Take your time.” He whispers in your ears, making you get goosebumps.

Your face becomes flushed, a nice bubblegum pink. You tried to cover it up, but nothing would work. “Ah, yes…” you say, nodding.

[centrally-unplanned]

Thought this was a very straightforward summary of what is right on the tin - how is Cuban agriculture so bad? And it is bad, well below its peers and where it could be given its inherent assets. It is of course a story of regime incompetence, but what is revealing is that it was always a mess. Most communist countries had a phase we can describe as "revolutionary incompetence" - when they first come to power, they believe their own hype and think the Spirit of the People can substitute for fertilizer and proper incentives. They try it, it crashes, and then at some point they wake up and the technocrats take power and partially right the ship. This happened in some form in Cuba, but only marginally - throughout the Cold War Cuba was essentially propped up by subsidies and forced markets via the Soviet Union, and the problems of the system were left to wither on the vine (zing). After the Cold War, forces like rapid urbanization made reforms harder to pursue, and things like revenue from the tourism industry and handouts from Venezuela continued to allow the state to push the problem off. Cuba is definitely in another of its periodic crises, but those didn't really dislodge things in the past.

The article does spend a bit too much time going "no, the US trade ban isn't a major cause of anything", which is understandable but like everyone already knows that so it is a bit annoying. Otherwise it is very well written.

Honestly makes you think that the worst thing that ever happened to Cuban Communism was that none of those CIA assassinations of Fidel ever hit the mark. The deaths of Mao & Stalin were absolutely what allowed China & the USSR to enter their more reasonable phases; Cuba just never got the same opportunity because that damn founder clinged to power for so long. Who knows ofc, but does seem ironic!

[kathairoette]

My part for the @ygomerzine! Ocean researcher Yuugi gets some new friends while exploring the ocean floor...

Oh and if you want some Totally Necessary Lore about the Tentayamis (trademark pending), read below~!

All three Tentayamis live in different ocean zones. Mao/s0 Yami lives in the Epipelagic Zone, DM Yami lives in the upper border of the Mesopelagic Zone, and Atem lives in the Bathypelagic Zone.

The Tentayamis are all technically original designs, but each does have specific inspo as the base:

Mao/s0 Yami: Blue Ringed Octopus DM Yami: Argonaut Atem: Vent Octopus

Mao has thick, shorter tentacles that give him more strength and maneuverability. Yami has longer tentacles, but the 'shell' under his arms are paper-thin sacs filled with air, which helps him boost away from predators. Atem's tentacles are the thinnest and weakest of the bunch, but has webbing around them to help him stick onto the hydrothermal vents.

All three Tentayamis have some form of bioluminesence, typically from the spots on their tentacles or the third eye on their foreheads, if they have one. That, paired with their yellow 'fringes', helps them attract prey who mistake the fringe for seaweed.

Atem is somewhat blind as where he lives barely has any sunlight, but his third eye in particular is highly sensitive to certain rays of light. Yuugi eventually moves him to a separate tank when he notices the spotlights make him uncomfortable.

Thus, instead of moving with sight, he moves by touch! Atem recognizes the other Tentayamis or Yuugi himself by wrapping his own tentacles around them, and is often the first to play with any new toy Yuugi drops into their tank.

All three of them are curious about the two-legger that visits them, but Yami follows Yuugi more closely compared to the others. He's often being the first to greet him when Yuugi arrives and loves mimicking his movements.

The plastic thing floating behind Mao (who's eating a fish) is a baby bottle. It's based on an actual experiment where a scientist tested if an octopus could untwist the bottle to get the fish trapped inside. But instead, the octopus ripped off the rubber from the baby bottle and got the fish that way. So of course, Mao does that too XD (coincidentally, this also implies that Atem is more dextrous, as he was able to unscrew the cap in the photo next to him XD)

[auguryofjellyfish]

[next to you, before]

Hasegawa Ken, a university student, is living the best life he could possibly ask for. He has a loving and supportive family, studies that challenge him, and gets to spend most of his days with his best friend and housemate, Kazutoshi. He wonders how he managed to get so lucky. One day, he has a very disturbing dream.

Inspired by the College AU by the amazing @causeimcrayzeebee! 3k words, oneshot. Spoilers for the end of chapter 3 of Tetro Danganronpa Pink. Heavily implied Hasemura.

TW: heavy angst, self-injurious behaviour.

[ao3]

“Ken...”

“Keeen...”

“Ken. WAKE UP!”

“AUGGHHH!” Hasegawa shot up from his bed with an ear-piercing yell. His eyes darted around frantically, chest heaving, until his eyes settled on...

“Wow. Right in my ear.” Kamimura drawled, unsticking his hands from the sides of his head and smoothing out his ponytail.

“Ka...Kazuto...shi...” Hasegawa panted, tears rapidly filling his eyes and falling down.

At once, concern melted away the irritation on Kamimura's face. “Hey, you alright?” he asked softly, lightly touching Hasegawa's wet cheek with the back of his finger.

Hasegawa flinched away, squeezing his eyes shut and taking a few deep breaths. He slowly blinked them open, and looked around the room once more, through blurry eyes.

He was in a room...his room? Everywhere he looked, there were books and loose pieces of paper laying around. On his desk, the floor, spilling from the bookshelf. The walls, covered with paintings depicting marine life and a few awards, were a pleasant shade of baby blue.

Of course. It was his room, in the apartment he bought for himself and Kamimura, for university.

“Oh...” his shoulders sagged, and he rubbed his face roughly. “I had...such a messed up dream...”

“I can see that. It's late, you can tell me about it at breakfast, come on.” Kamimura said, ushering him out of bed.

Hasegawa followed him dazedly. Passing by the desk, he noticed a few photo frames standing in the corner. In one, there was his mom, Mao, himself, and Kamimura sitting around a table with fancy looking dishes on it. In another, there was just him and Kamimura standing in front of a tall, modern building, consisting mostly of glass. In the photo, Hasegawa is smiling, looking down at Kamimura, who is looking straight at the camera with a proud smile. Hasegawa looked away.

“Breakfast?” he blinked. “Ah...you didn't have to...”

“I know. I wanted to. I know you stayed up until, like, 3AM today, so you wouldn't be able to make it anyway. I had to save our kitchen from burning down.” Kamimura smiled cheekily.

Oh, yeah. He had to work on his assignments for university, so he stayed up late.

Hasegawa's cheeks burned. “Hey, I'm not that bad!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I like your cooking.” Kamimura bumped Hasegawa's elbow with his own.

They got to the living room, where two bowls were on the table, emanating a pleasant smell of miso.

“Ooh...that smells really good. And it's with edamame, too.” Hasegawa sat down and clapped his hands. “Thank you for the meal.” he said, Kamimura echoing him.

He put the spoon in his mouth, and the rich flavour put a smile on his face. The cooking lessons they were taking together were starting to pay off.

“So, what are your plans for today?” Hasegawa asked, dipping into his bowl.

“Uh... Just meeting up with my supervisor. Might also swing by the lab later. You know I like this stuff, but the analytical chapter's been really kicking my ass.” Kamimura responded with a dry tone, focused on slowly eating his meal.

“Tell me about it...” Hasegawa groaned, hanging his head. “I had to finish two huge book reports yesterday...”

“Uh-huh, is mighty Ken having problems at school for the first time in his life? Now you know what it's like for the rest of us plebeians.” Kamimura teased, making Hasegawa chuckle.

“Plebeians? Says the guy taking advanced forensic chemistry courses!”

“Oh yeah, no, I'm suuuuper smart, thanks. Basically, they should just give me the degree already. Maybe also throw in a Nobel Prize.”

Hasegawa snickered. “O-oh, yeah? What would it even be for?”

“Uh,” Kamimura thought, "I dunno, for revolutionizing the entire field of chemistry as we know it? They should give me a bazillion yen too while we're at it.”

“We really don't need that...We already have way too much money.”

“No, you have too much money. I'm like...a freeloader. Some guy living in your house.”

“You're not a freeloader! You do a lot around here, uh...You made us breakfast?”

“Oh gee, then my status has increased to live-in cook, amazing.”

“That's not—!” Hasegawa tried to interject, while Kamimura laughed, in that bright, airy way he always does.

Hasegawa joined in.

After they calmed down, Hasegawa caught Kamimura's eyes. “But, really...You're doing great, Kazutoshi. You're gonna knock them dead with your research.”

“Eh...I wouldn't go that far...But...Thanks.” Kamimura responded, smiling softly into his soup. They continued eating in comfortable silence.

“Soooo...do you wanna talk to me about that dream you had?” Kamimura asked nonchalantly, not looking up from his bowl.

Hasegawa's spoon stilled in front of his mouth, his earlier mirth evaporating into mist. He set the spoon back on the table. “I, uh...I don't...know? I...I don't even want to think about it, really...” he mumbled. “Most of it is already a blur anyway.”

Kamimura hummed, pursing his lips. “I mean...Sure, but, you didn't see yourself, Ken. Your face...you looked terrified. Like, really terrified.”

Hasegawa took a deep breath and closed his eyes, forcing himself to think back to his dream. The only things he can remember are flashes...of darkness, ever-present cold...and blood. So much blood, everywhere. The stench was overwhelming, and every time he took a breath he could feel it stuck in his nose- and he- and Kazutoshi-

Shivering, he shook his head, trying to get rid of the sensation. It wasn't real. It was just a nightmare. “Ma-maybe later...”

“Mhm. Okay. Just...y'know that, I'm here for you, yeah? You don't have to bottle that shit up. I...care about you, Ken.”

For a reason he didn't know, Hasegawa was awestruck. He wanted to cry again. He swallowed the urge and simply smiled back. “Yeah. You too. Thank you, Kazutoshi.”

“Yeah...Anytime.”

After they'd finished breakfast and Hasegawa cleaned the dishes, the two of them started preparing for their day. Hasegawa's classes were first, while Kamimura had his meeting later during the afternoon.

Hasegawa slipped on his shoes, and stepped out of the door, looking back at Kamimura. “Well...see you later, Kazutoshi.”

Kamimura nodded. “Wait. You forgot something. C'mere for a sec.” Kamimura gestured, beckoning for him to lean down. Hasegawa complied, bemused.

He got pulled down the rest of the way with a tug on his sleeve, and then Kamimura placed a soft kiss on his cheek. Hasegawa's face instantly erupted into flames, his hand flying up to press on the exact spot. “...Wh-wha..!”

“What?” Kamimura said casually, his cheeks dusted pink. “You can't give your homie a goodbye kiss on the cheek anymore? Damn, Ken. Keep up.”

Hasegawa sighed, tension melting from his body. “...Please don't say that word ever again. It sounds so wrong.” and yet, he couldn't help but smile.

“What, 'homie'? I can say whatever I want. Like...go hit the gym, bro. Work on these noodle arms!”

“Stooop...” Hasegawa whined, giggling into his hand. “And you know I work out!”

“Whatever. Just go already.”

“Sure.” Hasegawa said, an easy 'I'm off' falling from his lips as he slipped out of the door, closing it behind him. He walked a few steps further into the hallway and put his face in his hands, letting out a muffled groan.

He shook it off, walked into the elevator, and once inside, he pumped his fist with a quiet, “Yes!”

He made his way towards campus. His steps were so light he was almost skipping, smiling so wide his cheeks hurt. It was going to be a great day.

-------------------------------------------------

Later, in the early evening, Hasegawa got back home from his classes. He'd stopped by the store on the way, buying groceries for the next few days. He set his heavy bags on the counter with a sigh.

He looked around the apartment. Kamimura wasn't there, so.. He must be at the lab. So Hasegawa might as well do some chores in the meantime, instead of waiting.

Cleaning the apartment was a task that was done by Kamimura, typically. That involves mopping, vacuuming, dusting...Hasegawa tried to help at first, but he just can't do it as well as him. When his friend is indisposed, though, he does his best. And Hasegawa does try to clean his room regularly for both of their sakes, so it's not that bad...mostly...

He has other tasks to that fall to him, anyway. He monitors both of their medication, making sure they're refilled on time, he keeps track of the appointments, makes plans whenever they go out somewhere, restocks the fridge and essential items, he cooks, most of the time-they take turns- and...he does the laundry.

He went to the bathroom, and saw that the laundry basket was almost full. He dumped it out. Something caught his eye- laying there in the pile was Kamimura's favourite sweater, that Hasegawa got him on his birthday. He wears it often.

It was a dark navy colour, and made of cashmere, as soft as he could find it. Hasegawa had cut off all the tags before giving it to Kamimura, and when asked about the price, he said 'not that much, really', stammering all the way.

Kamimura dropped the matter, probably just not feeling like calling him out on his obvious lie. Still...if he knew how much it cost, Hasegawa'd never hear the end of it.

Hasegawa rubbed the fabric between his fingers, looking down at the sweater with soft eyes.

Seeing that smile on Kamimura's face was worth any amount of money.

He smoothed it out, and set it aside for later. He always hand-washes this one.

He put the dirty laundry in the washing machine and turned it on. Kamimura still wasn't home. He decided to go make them some dinner. Something simple. He was kind of tired.

He took out a pot, poured water into it from their filtering pitcher, and turned on the stove. He yawned. He was way too tired to soak in the bath today...Maybe he'll just take a nice hot shower later...

Hasegawa was thrown out of his thoughts by the sound of his phone ringing. He answered it without looking.

“Hey, Ken....Can you, uh...come get me?” Kamimura sounded out, his voice quiet and speaking slower than usual.

Hasegawa straightened out, immediately on high alert. “What happened? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I'm fine,” a terse, staticky sigh was heard through the receiver. “I just...don't want to walk back by myself. I'm in front of the chem building.”

“O-okay. I'm coming. Hang on tight.” Hasegawa said, and when Kamimura hung up, he all but booked it out of the apartment, turning the stove off first, and pausing only to slip on his shoes. He forced himself to slow down slightly, feeling anxiety creep in from his stomach, up and outwards, starting to shake him from head to toe.

He didn't know where it was coming from. Kamimura said he was fine. He didn't sound all that bad too.

Hasegawa wished he could just will this horrible dread away.

Fortunately, the campus was situated rather close to their apartment. After 11 minutes, he was in front of the chemistry building, and upon seeing Kamimura sitting on the bench nearby, he almost melted with relief.

He walked up to him, briefly pausing to catch his breath.

“Shit, Ken, you didn't need to run.” Kamimura blinked.

“I...know...What's...up?” Hasegawa panted out, and then straightened with a groan.

“I'm...I'm okay. Or, eh, I don't know. I just probably ate something bad, or...y'know.”

“Alright...I-If you say so.” Hasegawa said, remaining on his guard either way. He couldn't help it. He was always worried about something.

Plus...If he was really fine, then why would he call? Kamimura knew his limits. He wouldn't just call for him for no reason. It wasn't adding up.

Kamimura stood up from the bench, and swayed slightly in place.

Hasegawa reached out his hand, stilling, before lightly touching Kamimura's shoulder. “A-are you sure you're alright?”

Kamimura rubbed his forehead. “Ye-yeah...I'm fine. Just...feeling dizzy. Let's just go home. I just need to lie down in my bed.”

Hasegawa nodded, and both men started walking back, step by step. Hasegawa tried to stick close, but took care not to crowd him.

They walked in silence. When Hasegawa glanced at him from the corner of his eye, Kamimura looked tired, his expression somber, looking straight ahead. It didn't seem like he was in the mood to talk anyway.

Lost in his thoughts, he almost didn't notice Kamimura stumbling. He managed to catch him by the elbow, and steadied him. “C-careful!”

“H-huh? Oh...Yeah...” Kamimura mumbled, sluggishly raising his arms and looping them around Hasegawa's own, clutching it.

Hasegawa bit the inside of his cheek. If Kamimura willingly leaned on him for support, without any complaint and attempts at saving face, it must be bad bad.

He observed him more intently, going through a mental checklist of his symptoms. Tiredness, dizziness, sluggishness, confusion, drowsiness, impaired breathing, general weakness. Still, this is only from what he could see externally. A flare-up?

“Kazutoshi...” he started, as calmly as he could. “Maybe...we could go to a hospital, just in case...”

Kamimura flinched.

“N-no...I just...wanna go home....”

“Kazutoshi—”

“Fucking hell- please, Ken...Please. Just let me g-go home...”

His voice sounded so rough, it made Hasegawa's heart clench. The taller man pursed his lips, and said nothing. He breathed, in and out.

They'd need to get some stuff from home either way. He relented.

But it didn't feel right. Something was wrong. Really wrong.

They walked the rest of the way in silence. Kamimura leaned on him the whole time, eyes half-closed in a daze. Hasegawa wanted to enjoy Kamimura's weight on his arm, the warmth emanating from his body, like he normally would. But it was overshadowed by a cloying miasma of worry.

Finally getting to the front entrance of their apartment complex, Hasegawa pulled him into the hallway, and pushed the button to open the elevator. They stepped inside.

Standing in silence, Hasegawa heard Kamimura shift, and then felt a weight on his shoulder. Kamimura leaned his head against him.

Despite everything, Hasegawa felt his heart flutter, warmth flooding his face. He breathed in, shakily.

They...didn't really...talk about what they are, to each other? He knows Kamimura is the best friend he's ever had. With him, his days are filled with laughter, easy banter, discussions about everything and anything. He's been more comfortable with him than anyone he's ever met, outside of his family.

It's not always easy. There are days when Kamimura shuts himself in his room and doesn't come out. When he feels awful, physically and mentally, and lashes out. Hasegawa hides away too, occasionally, when everything just gets too much. Their lives aren't free of struggle and pain, but still, Hasegawa wouldn't give it up for anything.

And...sometimes...things happen, and it makes him wonder.

Well, they did...cuddle, the other day. And the thing from this morning, too...Still, he can't be sure. If he's not the one initiating the conversation, Kamimura doesn't really want to talk about sensitive topics. And Hasegawa is...scared. Scared that it would be awkward, that he would come on too strong, that Kamimura wouldn't feel the same and he would pull away and and-

...He doesn't want to lose this. Lose him. He wants anything but that.

Still. He still hopes, that...maybe...

Hasegawa sighed, and shifted, nuzzling his cheek on the top of Kamimura's head. His hair was so soft. He smelled really nice. So fresh and light, like ocean breeze.

Even if they never talked about it, Hasegawa wouldn't change a thing. He was still satisfied. Just getting to be next to him...was more than enough. He was lucky. So, so lucky to have this.

His heart felt so full.

“Hey... Don't fall asleep,” he whispered.

Kamimura jerked awake, his breath hitching. His eyes shifted around the elevator. He furrowed his brow, and his expression turned grim. “Yeah. Right,” he said flatly, but while at least looking more alert than before.

They arrived at their floor. Kamimura's hand tightened on his arm.

“You couldn't have known this would happen, Ken. Don't blame yourself.”

“...Huh?”

Outside the elevator, Kamimura let go of Hasegawa's elbow and went on ahead. Hasegawa was rooted to the spot. His feet wouldn't move.

He blinked, and the shorter man had already opened the door, having walked halfway through it.

Kamimura looked back at him. He opened his mouth, and sighed.

“Ken...I...”

Then he smiled, looking so sad and so tender that it took Hasegawa's breath away.

“Thank you. You know. For being there.

“I'm glad that at least... we were able to meet each other in that hellhole.

“...You were really the only one who made it bearable, anyway.”

He waved his hand.

“Seeya.”

Hasegawa blinked, his mouth opening.

“Wha-huh? Kazutoshi, wai—”

Hasegawa reached out his hand, just as Kamimura's image slipped away, the door closing behind him with a bang.

With his legs working again, Hasegawa stumbled to the door, and grabbed at the handle frantically.

“Kazutoshi! H-hey! Wh-what are you do-doing? Open the door!”

He pulled at it, to no avail. He didn't understand what was happening. Everything was fine one second, and the next, Kamimura was just gone.

He was gone.

“Th-this isn't fucking funny!” Hasegawa's voice cracked. “Kazutoshi! Please...”

Silence.

With shaking hands, he took out the key from his pocket and tried one, two, three times before he managed to put it in the keyhole, and turned it.

He pulled at the handle, and threw the door open.

“Kazuto—”

Blood.

So much blood.

On the floor. On the shelves.

Coating every inch of the small space.

And in the middle, there was a chair, where a small, decapicated body of Kazutoshi was sitting, quiet and still.

It was still cold in the art supply room.

Hasegawa screamed.

He wakes up, a loud cry tearing out of his throat. The blanket falls to the floor in a heap.

Panting, he glances at the other side of his bed. It's empty.

No- no-

Oh god-

Kazutoshi- he- he was- he is-

Immediately, he falls into heaving sobs, his hands flying up to clutch at his face. His throat constricts, and he coughs. He swallows roughly, pushing the bile down.

“Oh god, please no, please no, no more, please...,” he wails. “No, no, no, nononononoNO!”

Images and sounds flash through his mind on repeat.

The mangled body, they cut out his tongue, they gutted him, the horrible gloating, the laughter-

He brings his hand up, curled into a fist, and lands a blow on the side of his head, once. Twice. It's not working.

He screams again and then swerves his body to the side wall, banging the top of his head on it hard.

“AGHH! FUCK!”

The pain shocks him enough to make the panic recede, but only slightly. He covers his face and breathes loudly, groaning into his arm. “Mmmh....mmghh...”

He feels like he's dying. He might as well be.

He whimpers and clenches fistfuls of hair in his hands. He feels nauseous, his head aches like crazy, he's soaked with sweat, he has no meds and he can't take it anymore.

He can't take it anymore.

For no fucking reason at all...!

If only he didn't...Why did he...

Why didn't he stay with him?

Hasegawa curls up into himself, bringing his knees to his chest.

He thinks about his mom. Dad. Mao. Reina.

Kazutoshi.

He wants to go home. He just wants to go home.

He starts mumbling into his arms, voice hoarse, muffled by the fabric.

“Kazutoshi...Kazutoshi...Oh, god...Kazutoshi...

“I'm sorry....I'm s-so, so sorry...!

“I need you...

“Please... Please...Come back...

“Please...”

He continues to plead, until the morning comes.

‎

‎

[knightzp]

something posessed me and i started and finished a fic in just one setting this has never happened before 💥💥💥💥💥

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

I'm watching too much stuff. And things are not slowing down with all the things coming in September. So I'm gonna try and keep this short. As much as that's possible given the amount of shows.

QL - Currently Watching

🇹🇭 4 Minutes [6/8] - Finally some answers. I haven't read all the theories floating around about this last episode and what it means, but I'm firmly on the side of, there is another alternative timeline, probably from when Tyme is dying at the start of the show, and also very much in agreement with everything @lurkingshan wrote here that these are just imagined do-overs and nothing will actually change in the real world. Which would be my preferred way.

🇹🇭 Addicted Heroin [2/10] - Haven't watched this weeks episode yet. My review for the first two is here.

🇹🇼 First Note of Love [4/12] - I like them a lot. And I like the pacing of this. I love the intro song. But with a second couple being introduced I think I'm gonna get frustrated having to wait a week for a 20 minute episode. I felt that way a lot during Kiseki.

🇯🇵 I Hear the Sunspot [10/12] - I am annoyed.

🇹🇭 I Saw You In My Dream [7/12] - May the boyfriend era commence. I am enjoying this one. I'm guessing we still have a bit of angst coming and I'm hoping for a good explanation for the dreams.

🇯🇵 Mitsuya Sensei no Keikakutekina Ezuke [6/7] - Just such an incredible show. This week brought the pain and I'm still unwell. As if Frito getting sick wasn't heart breaking enough, that ending left me in tears. I cannot believe we only have one episode left. I am not ready to say goodbye to the three of them.

🇹🇭 Monster Next Door [6/12] - My favourite thing about this is definitely Big. His presence on screen is great. But I'm not fully connecting yet for some reason.

🇹🇭 Peaceful Property [1/10] - It's a lot of fun. Yeah, I know it's not a bl. But it's bl adjacent so it goes here. Also in my head it's gonna be a bl no matter what. Possibly even with a gl side couple. The mind is a powerful thing.

🇯🇵Sugar Dog Life [4/10] - I love Isumi. I really liked that they didn't drag the girl storyline and it served it's purpose. Isumi is now very much aware of it's feelings. I'm looking forward to the date episode.

🇯🇵 Takara No Vidro [9/11] - Takara, my love. This boy has my whole heart. I can't believe I'll have to say goodbye to then tomorrow. I'm bracing for part pain, part happy. Please Japan don't let me down.

🇹🇭 The Loyal Pin [1/16] - I'm waiting to binge.

🇹🇼 The On1y One [4/10] - This show will hurt and I will love every second of it. I really like the look of this show and how we get those little insights into Jiang at the end of the episode. The actors are doing great and I specially love Benjamin Tsang facial expressions. I'm curious to see these two together and how their dynamic will work considering their circumstances. Also, always happy to see the revolving door of cameos Taiwan always grace us with.

🇯🇵Twilight Out of Focus - It's so beautiful. I'm enjoying that we get different couples even if sometimes it feels like we could have more time with them. I like Rei/Shion a lot, but I do miss Mao and Hisashi. 🇹🇭 The Trainee [10/12] - Just to get it out if the way, the Bamhee/Judy storyline was definitely the right call and @lurkingshan was right all along. Also the way the office came together was delightful and it's great to see Pah getting everyone together and once again being the best friend ever. Now. THE OFFICE FLIRTING!!! I was losing my mind giggling like an idiot. I love them. It's pretty obvious at this point that it's mutual and of course Ryan will need to actually be told that, but I still think Jane will wait until the internship is over before confessing or starting anything official. I can't wait to watch all the interns reaction next week. I love it here.

QL - Finished

🇯🇵 Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko! - I'm disappointed in this one. It started off so strong but by the end it lost me. I love Hiroko but I feel like they betrayed the character. And that ending with the kiss in the office was ridiculous. Actually most of the end was weird in the way that it seemed to contradict what came before. I like that they finally got together but it didn't feel as good as it could've.

🇹🇭 Century of Love - Started of great and imo fell apart by the end. I don't think it was consistent all the way through and the mythology was all over the place. Daou did an amazing job though. Also Ju is one of the greatest female characters of the year.

🇯🇵 Cosmetic Playlover - Pretty show. Final thoughts here.

🇹🇭 Knock Knock, Boys! - Probably the biggest surprise of the year for me. It's great. I like the development of both couples. Even if near the end I got a tiny bit annoyed with Peak, I really liked the conclusion of it all. Latte is a great character and the very rare slut unjudged by the narrative.

🇹🇭🇨🇳 Meet You At the Blossom - Look it's great that we got a chinese bl, but this was not it for me. Let's hope this one helps get others made though.

🇹🇭Love Sea - It was fine. I enjoyed Mut but in general I just never connected to this show. And Muk annoyed me to no end. I was so happy to see Aya again and now I just wanna forget that she was ever in this and simply remember her as Yiwa.

🇹🇭 SunsetxVibes - I don't even have words. I don't know if it was my lack of attention or if it never actually made sense but I never really got what the mythology was all about apart from inspiring a truly horrendous looking necklace. I was slogging though this one and I guess the finale was fine.

🇹🇭 This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans - The sides were great, their chemistry was on point. I really wanna see them again. The mains were my favourite thing about Pit Babe but I just didn't like them here.

🇹🇭 The Rebound - I just have to accept that MeenPing will always have bad scripts. They are pretty together but this was a mess.

Dropped

🇹🇭My Love Mix-Up!

Rose Watches OJBL

Pornographer: Spring Life | Playback | Continued Spring Life Finally finished the novelist. Final thoughts.

A LOT of stuff coming this month so if you haven't checked it out, here is the post with all announced upcoming qls for September with a couple of updates that I made today.

As usual my ask box is open. Have a wonderful week💜

[nhl-stories]

Indoor Cat– Jeremy Swayman

Summary: Jeremy is excited to show his girlfriend Alaska, but she's not exactly an outdoor person

Author’s Note: Had so much fun writing this for @bqstqnbruin for @wyattjohnston's 2k24 summer fic exchange! Definitely made me want to write more Sway in the future

Word Count: 2.2k

“Sorry I was too lazy to fish my keys out of my backpack,” Catherine apologizes when Jeremy opens the door to his apartment.

“I wasn’t expecting you, so this is a nice surprise.”

She rolls her bike in and leans it up against the wall. Rubbing her hands across her face.

“I meant to text but I have a million exams to grade and my roommate was being a bitch and our air conditioning broke and I just had to leave.”

When she moves her hands away, Jeremy is standing in front of her with a sympathetic smile. He pulls her into a tight hug that makes her tension dissolve.

“You’re sweaty babe.”

Catherine gives him a shove, “Of course I am! No AC at the apartment and then I biked here in a million-degree weather with a 50-pound backpack. I’m MELTING.”

“Sorry, my little ice queen can’t handle the heat.”

She levels a look at him that screams she’s not in the mindset for his little jokes and he bites his lips to hold back his smile.

After she takes a cold shower, she feels more like a real person. She throws on an oversized Maine t-shirt and makes her way to Jeremy’s dining table with a stack of papers.

Once she has a fresh red pen and her answer key, she gets into a sort of trance while grading. She doesn’t quite notice how far the sun has sunk when Jeremy comes behind her and wraps his arms around her kissing her right under her ear.

“Want me to order dinner?”

Catherine leans back into his touch, “Can we get Thai food?”

“Green curry and Pad Kee Mao?”

“Yes, please,” she kisses his cheek then goes back to focusing on tests.

When the food arrives, Jeremy moves her papers despite her protests.

“Stop, I have like so many tests to grade and only like two days to finish them and then enter the grades online.”

“Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take a break.” He moves the tests to the coffee table so they’re out of reach.

This is the price she has to pay if she works at Jeremy’s, which is a pretty nice trade off even if she fights it. Every. Single. Time.

“So, school’s out in a week… any big plans,” he wiggles his eyebrows at her.

Jeremy is clearly hinting at their upcoming trip to Alaska, which Catherine has been actively avoiding planning specifics. She’s not exactly against seeing where he grew up and his parents, it’s the rest of the Alaska Experience™ that’s making her apprehensive.

She tries to be casual about what she says next.

“I’m moving in August.”

Jeremy stops with a forkful of noodles halfway up to his mouth, “Um- what?”

“Yeah, I mean I don’t get along with my roommate and our lease will be up then,” she takes a drink to stop herself from grinning, “And my boyfriend asked me to move in, so I thought I’d finally take him up on the offer.”

It’s a tactical distraction from Alaska, but also an announcement she’s excited to finally share, now that she’s informed her soon-to-be ex-roommate.

Jeremy is around the table and practically straddles her to wrap her in his arms.

“Seriously?”

He doesn’t wait for the answer before kissing her.

Then he’s pulling back again, “Seriously?”

He goes back in for another kiss, it’s not very good. They’re both smiling too much for their lips to really meet, but soon they get in a rhythm.

 Then Jeremy starts to trail kisses down her jaw and neck. Catherine indulges him for a bit before gripping his hair to pull him back.

“I love the excitement, and I’m excited to move in too, but none of this tonight,” she kisses the tip of his nose, “I still have to be a responsible teacher.

He buries his face in her neck and mumbles, “No you don’t, just quit your job.”

“You say that now while you’re not working, but come fall when you’re back to work and I have nothing to do, you’ll be evicting me,” she rakes her nails through his hair.

“Is that why Taylor is being a bitch?” He says once he comes up for air.

“I mean, it’s not helping, but it’s also just her natural state as a roommate,” she gives Jeremy a gentle push, “Now let me eat my dinner so I can finish my work.”

“Then we can finish this later?” A quick, but filthy kiss follows.

“Maybe, no promises,” Catherine gives him her best stern teacher face, so he knows she means business.

She doesn’t finish all of her tests, mostly because Jeremy is determined to be touching her at all times. So, to keep him from moving around, Catherine holds him in place; leaning back on his chest on the sectional. His hands have free reign and she’s within kissing range. It appeases Jeremy, but greatly slows her grading speed.

Eventually, she just gives up and lets Jeremy rush her to the bedroom. Claiming they need to ‘christen their bedroom’ as if Catherine hasn’t already christened it every which way.

And it’s enjoyable and wonderful until her alarm goes off extra early to make up for the work she didn’t finish. Normally, she’s actually a morning person, but at the end of the school year, her body and mind are ready to call it quits.

Jeremy calls it teacher playoffs. A stupid joke that never fails to make her laugh. She’s soft for his goofy side, even when it’s telling the dumbest jokes.

“Need any help before school?” Jeremy comes up behind her in the shower, wrapping his arms around her waist, hands dipping dangerously low.

“Not that kind of help, that’s for sure,” Catherine giggles while she turns around then moves his hands back to his side.

“You’ve already done enough with this,” she points to a mark where her collarbone meets her shoulder, “this is almost ‘have an awkward conversation with my students’ visible.”

“Consider it payback for you putting off the Alaska talk again.”

Catherine clenches her jaw.

“You thought I haven’t noticed, but the trip is in 10 days and you keep ignoring me every time I bring it up.”

“Yeah, cause you’re gonna talk me into exploring the Alaskan bush or something crazy, when I can explore an Alaskan bush any time I want,” she playfully gropes Jeremy.

He lets out an involuntary groan, before backing away, “See! You’re doing it again! Although great joke, babe.”

Catherine steps back into the spray, rinsing out her conditioner, “Fine. I’ll stay late to finish all my grading and stuff and then we can talk after.”

“Thank you,” he gives Catherine a peck, “And afterwards feel free to explore the bush if you want.”

Catherine rolls her eyes and gets out of the shower.

She gets dressed, thankfully the outfit she packed covers the hickey even with her hair up.

Jeremy is waiting for her with a towel around his waist, a bowl of yogurt and fruit waiting for her and a to-go thermos of coffee.

“Want me to drive you in? So, you don’t have to bike there and back.”

“Sure, but you’ll have to drop me off a few blocks away. Cause if my students see me with you, I’ll never get them to focus, and they’re squirrely enough this time of year.”

◊◊◊

Catherine finishes her grading sooner than she thinks, even enters all the grades online. Now there’s two things to not look forward to; planning with Jeremy and annoying emails from parents about final grades.

She checks the weather on her phone, the heat doesn’t seem to be breaking and won’t until the sun sets a couple hours from now.

She debates her options for a few minutes before deciding to ask Jeremy for a ride home. The deciding factor being she’d rather have an uncomfortable talk without having just finished a sweaty bike ride. The less time out of the comfort of AC, the better.

“And this isn’t embarrassing for me to pick you up out front?” Jeremy snarks when he pulls up to the curb.

Catherine rolls her eyes and starts to load the bike in the back, “I should have just dealt with the heat.”

When she slides into the passenger seat, Jeremy grabs her hand intertwining their fingers and giving it a squeeze.

“I’m just buttering you up before I tell you about all the Alaskan adventures I have planned for us.”

“I’m already exhausted.”

Jeremy squeezes her hand again, then points an air vent more towards Catherine.

When they get back to the apartment Catherine flops onto the couch, “Okay lay it on me.”

Of course, Jeremy takes that as an invitation to drop right on top of her, barely catching himself before his whole weight lands on her.

He leans in to kiss her. Once, twice… he pauses like he’s trying to figure out if he can get away with more. Instead, he decides to sit up and pull Catherine up with him.  

“Why are you so anxious about this trip? You’ve met most of my family and friends, and you’ve agreed to move in with me so I don’t think this is a commitment thing…”

She throws back her head and takes in a deep breath, “No, but it’s gonna sound stupid and miniscule in comparison.”

“But I like the sound of small rather than something more fundamental to our relationship.”

Catherine takes a moment, trying put the words the right way in her head.

“I’m worried that you have not spent a lot of summer time with me so you have not seen how much I wilt in the sun and heat and generally want to die. It’s a very ugly side of me, both because of my sweat and my attitude and I spend a lot of energy trying to avoid it.”

Catherine feels like she has to avoid eye contact while she gets this off her chest. Mostly because she can feel herself flush with embarrassment about her confession.

“And then you’ll want to climb a mountain or something and you’ll see that we are not on the same outdoorsy level and realize we just aren’t compatible,” she looks down at her lap in shame.

“Oh sweetheart,” Jeremy cups her face, “that is stupid. Alaska rarely gets over 70 degrees.”

Catherine lets out a surprised laugh.

“I already know you’re a bit of an indoor cat,” he smirks at the play on her name.

“I’m being vulnerable here and you’re making fun of me!” She doesn’t mean for it to come out so whiny.

“And if you had talked to me before this, you would know I’ve already thought about all these things.”

She cocks her head in response.

 “I would never make you face your least favorite thing, temperatures over 80 degrees, if there was something I could do to stop that.”

“That’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said.”

“And that’s just the start,” Jeremy can’t help but grin.

“I’d love to show you the top of a mountain but everything there is so beautiful we don’t need to climb thousands of feet of elevation to see something great. I have so many options you can choose from, I made you a spreadsheet.”

“This is might sound sarcastic, but that weirdly turns me on.”

Jeremy pulls her into his chest, “If I really needed to do some crazy, difficult hike, I know people who like that. I’m going on this trip to spend time with you and if that means a flat, short hike, I’m going to love it.”

“Most importantly,” Jeremey untangles himself and leaves the room.

He comes back with a suitcase, “I bought you a suitcase just for books you want to bring. So, when we go out on the boat you can just read and look pretty if you don’t want to fish.”

“Oh my god, I love you.”

She gets up and jumps into his arm.

“So, you’re excited for our trip now?”

Catherine smiles and decides to show him with actions rather than words.

◊◊◊

Catherine has never been happier to be proven wrong, Alaska is honestly her ideal summer vacation. Not too hot, too gorgeous to describe with words, and the almost never-ending daylight makes it seem like some kind of dreamland.

The view right now is proof.

Book in her lap, Jeremy looking hot driving the boat in the foreground, and a glacier in the background.

The boat slowly comes to a stop.

“See something you like?” Jeremy smirks from the captain’s seat.

She shrugs, “this book is kind of dragging and I was thinking, you know I’ve never had sex on a boat?”

Jeremy raises his eyebrows.

“And we happen to be on a boat… in this very scenic… fairly romantic location,” she tries to use her best innocent, doe eyes.

In a flash, her book is on the ground and Jeremy is on top of her.

It’s something Catherine can see becoming a summer tradition.

[txttletale]

hi I've been following you for a while and I had some questions about MLism. First, while I think I have a decent understanding of how it works economically, how would a ML government (after the revolution) ensure it doesn't become too powerful? like what systems would be put in place so that it hears public opinion and dissent (should there be any) and not try to maintain power through oppressive means?

Secondly, what would the aftermath of the revolution look like? once the government is overthrown, there will most likely be a period of instability where different factions trying to sieze control. How would the MLs make sure that they get seated in power?

I am genuinely trying to learn more about it, so I'm sorry if those questions are ignorant. Thanks!

i mean, that first part? i'll be completely honest with you and say that in my opinion that's a partially unsolved problem. i think that lenin's prescriptions in state & revolution, based on the actions of the paris commune--that all 'officials' should be subject to democratic recall at any time and paid no more than anyone else--would be a good start.

but of course the USSR did not ossify and see abuses of power because its leaders simply forgot about what lenin wrote--the centralization of power and limiting of worker democracy was a direct result of the newly formed state apparatus having to fight brutal years-long civil war followed as mere decade later by a brutal years-long international invasion. & this is of course a situation that will be faced by any serious socialist government & their newly formed apparatus!

however, on the other hand -- cuba has succesfully maintained an incredible system of participatory democracy. i think that mao's idea of the 'mass line' -- that theory must constantly be in dialogue with the situation on the ground and the situation of the workers -- is vital to maintaining this. in its own time of crisis, during the 90s, instead of 'pulling the ladder up' on workers' councils, cuba expanded and doubled down on its participatory democracy. i think if any nation has succesfully followed lenin's theory and example, it's cuba, and the mass workplace and municipal democracy that the cuban communist party has invited should be the model for any future socialist revolution.

and quite frankly the reason why MLs will 'take power' after the revolution is because marxism-leninism is the only revolutionary socialist ideology with a plan and ability to take and maintain power over the bourgeoisie. i think one thing reading lenin will very much clarify is that the socialist state is not something that is built after the revolution but a continuation of the revolution -- lenin explains aptly the marxist position that, having taken up arms in order to dethrone the bourgeoisie, to not establish a marxist dictatorship of the proletariat is to throw aside those arms that have already been wielded and used. 'not setting up a worker's state' isn't inaction, but a deliberate choice to be disarmed and helpless in the face of foreign intervention or counterrevolution.

and this is also why i think that while solving the (very real and dangerous!) spectres of bureaucracy, of revisionism, of socialist militias becoming police forces "special bodies of men apart from and above" the people instead of "self-acting armed organizations" of the people is a vital and pressing question for marxism-leninism to address in both theory and practice, it is just as vital to note that only marxism-leninism can succeed to the point where this becomes a problem--only marxism-leninism has shown the historical ability to put the workers in a position of political supremacy that they might risk losing to these flaws and missteps.

& seriously, don't be sorry for asking questions. any questions in good faith are welcomed on this blog, because i'm a communist and i do in fact think it is my job to explain communism to people. have a nice day & don't be so down on yourself!