#and mao too of course

[weirdcat1213]

ive had hisashi for 3 episodes and im upset that people are not yelling about the ending song being about him

like cmonnnnnn

[yume-fanfare]

happy halloween! the cast from fist of idol: togenkyo have reunited again to bring us...... a horror movie?!

[knightzp]

AND SPRING LAST YEAR WAS

ALL THE REFERENCES TO BAND ENSEMBLE ARE MAKING ME INSANE

[mishkakagehishka]

Shu reads manga canon btw

[woolydemon]

ok I just categorized all the wooly eras

[jenscx]

LUCID DREAM — ning yizhuo

it’s been years without ning yizhuo in your life. it feels surreal; the day you walked out without an explanation. but just the thought of being able to see her again, it draws you back into the endless loop of loving her.

TAGS — angst, exes to ???, insecurity, model!ning, ambiguous ending, mentions of alcohol, making up, jmj wedding (we don’t actually get to witness it tho)

WORDCOUNT — 7.4k

you stare at the wedding invitation, written neatly at the top, the invitation is addressed to a ning y/n. you want to cry. the invitation clearly stating your ex’s name makes your heart clench uncomfortably. it’s a blaring reminder that your relationship ended and you’re no longer living in your childhood fantasy.

“fuck,” you swear, “fuck you, kim minjeong.” you want to murder minjeong, but who were you to ask minjeong to stop reminding you of your bitter ending? especially since it was your own impulsiveness that had ended the relationship. you could have been more understanding towards yizhuo, could have tried her best to resolve your conflict, but no. instead, you ran. ran like the coward you were.

you remember the brokenhearted look on yizhuo’s face, the devastated glimmer in her eyes before she had flipped her expression to another, like a switch. or more like a broken one, your brain offers unhelpfully. of course, the quiver of her lips had given yizhuo away almost immediately. you had known yizhuo for a third of your life, obviously you could tell when your soulmate– or in this case, ex, was about to break down.

you wish you had stayed, and simply comforted your soulmate like old times, but you couldn’t bear to watch yizhuo cry, because of you. you remember the look on your friends’ faces when you told them that you broke up with yizhuo, all the words they had yelled at her for betraying yizhuo. you remember the anger directed at you by yizhuo’s parents when you had sent them an apology letter. through the post, yizhuo had told you, letters felt more sincere than emails.

but perhaps the worst reaction wasn’t from any of them, it was simply from your own cat. meowing viciously when you had picked him up, bringing him together with you. the scratches lining your arms only serve as a constant reminder. mao, your british short haired, was desperately attached to yizhuo (and she was the one who named him too. what absolute luck.) his hostility could only be reasoned that he knew his owner had hurt yizhuo. if a silly little cat knew the extent of the breakup, what could that mean for you?

“wallowing in your grief again? that’s not good for you,” you peer up at chaewon, the only friend that somehow wasn’t connected to yizhuo. chaewon takes a quick glance at the invitation and giggles, “you’re going? i hope you survive, you haven’t paid this month’s rent yet.”

you merely sigh.

“the place’s gonna be filled with people who hate my guts, you really think i’m going? minjeong probably only sent this to piss me off.”

chaewon frowns, “you don’t seem pissed off, just sad. honey, you have to let me know if they’re bothering you, like actually. it’s not your fault, well– maybe it is, but you’re suffering too. it isn’t nice for them to do this to you.” you shrug in response. you deserve it. you deserve every stab in your heart, you deserve the tears that escape in the middle of the night.

“let’s drink tonight, okay? we’ll put on titanic or something and cry about life while eating ice cream,” chaewon offers. maybe it’s the thought of getting drunk, or titanic, or crying in your friend’s arms, but the offer is appealing and you find yourself agreeing too soon.

you can hear chaewon do a silent cheer. it makes you smile slightly and gives you enough energy to pull yourself up from the floor.

“i’ll go get the soju, just lie on the couch and relax!” you follow as your friend says and lie on the sofa you had picked out together after mao’s claws had sunk into the leather, ripping it to shreds. the cat was a brat.

doesn’t this remind you of something– or someone? the voice in your head quips. you groan, why couldn’t your head shut up sometimes? your heart drops as you recall the conversation between your parents when you had told them you broke things off with yizhuo. you remember your mother’s expression; disappointed and upset, a stark contrast to when you had told her that you finally found someone. the proud look on your father’s when you introduced yizhuo to them, god, why the fuck was yizhuo such an amazing girlfriend?

you caused this. you want to scream ‘no’. you’re the one who dumped yizhuo. who are you to be upset over thi–

“y/n? hey, stop thinking about it,” chaewon pouts, “don’t make yourself even more sad!” you blink back into reality and at the sight of chaewon puffing her cheeks out, holding two bottles of soju and a large bowl of popcorn, make you want to coo at the girl. you push the thoughts of yizhuo to the back of your head as soon as the opening to titanic appears on the screen.

you two laugh sometimes, mostly chaewon, but it’s quiet throughout the movie and you can’t tell whether you’d rather have chaewon’s comments about how cute the actors are or the silence that allows you to delve deeper into your thoughts. you take a sip whenever chaewon mentions how in love jack and rose are.

when you blink, it’s already at the part where jack allows rose to get onto the wooden door, while he stays in the freezing water. chaewon throws popcorn at the tv, apparently already drunk, screaming at rose to quote, “fucking move her ass,” for jack to get on. you take a large gulp of soju in the midst of chaewon’s sniffles.

“y/n…i can’t believe it… she just let jack die!” chaewon cries out, “the love of her life, she just let him go! how could she just let him die?!” you nod, trying to drink the already empty bottle of soju.

when you stand up, the whole room swirls and you stumble back onto the couch. “don’t let her go, y/n!” you jump at the close proximity of chaewon’s voice, “don’t let the love of your life go!”

you hum in agreement and scream, “i won’t let her go!” determined, you pick up your phone and the selfie of you and yizhuo greets her. you miss her, don’t you? of course not. you don’t miss her at all. change your homescreen then. you wouldn’t.

you roll your eyes and enter kakaotalk.

y/n [11.38pm]:

i kiss you

i miss you*

read [11.39pm]

“i did it, chaewon!” you exclaim, “i didn’t let her go!”

drunk you is apparently an idiot, since we all know, if a ‘i love you’ can’t solve a crack, obviously a ‘i miss you’ wouldn’t be able to solve an earthquake.

i miss you too. i miss you so much it hurts. but how could you say that, when you’re the one that left me first? yizhuo doesn’t cry as much anymore. she doesn’t sob into her pillow in the middle of the night anymore. the couple posts that appear on her instagram feed doesn’t make tears well up in her eyes anymore.

it still hurts. hurts as much as it did before. and yizhuo might just have to live with that pain everyday. the misspelt word makes her heart throb, in affection and pain, because she could imagine your voice in her head. are you hurting as much as she is? it doesn’t make the stabbing pain in her chest any better to know that the one she loves is suffering.

yizhuo stares at the glaring light from her phone. i miss you. really y/n? she wants to scoff. you were probably drunk out of your mind and sent that text on a whim. or maybe it was meant for another girl. the thought makes yizhuo want to cry.

is there someone else you call ‘baby' now?

fuck, you think, oh fuck. the read blaring on your phone, as if mocking you.

“shit,” chaewon groans, holding her head, “what happened last night? did we accidentally kill someone?” you wish you did. you take a deep breath, and scream. if the neighbours show up the next moment, it’s totally because of the night before, and not your scream at 8 in the morning.

you calm down. eventually. you calm down after chaewon grabs your shoulders and wiggles you back and forth, yelling for you to get your shit together. it only worsens the raging headache the both of you have. if rent wasn’t so high nowadays, you would have immediately fled and lived alone. kim chaewon with a hangover was not a good sight.

“whatever! you drunk texted your ex! whatever! hashtag yolo right— ah fuck, the room is spinning,” chaewon shrieks, “ugh, why did we drink so much?! but! your life isn’t over! so what if you texted her? it’s okay, we stay delusional and pretend things never happened!”

despite the wacky talk chaewon gives, it actually helps. texting yizhuo, while drunk, was a mistake. you nod hastily, “i get what you’re saying, but please let me go.”

chaewon loosens her grip, pursed lips as she huffs, “the most badass thing you can do now is go to the wedding.”

your eyes widen, “what the hell? kim chaewon, are you crazy? no, you’re insane.”

your roommate only grins lazily, “it came with a plus one invite, right? i’ll go with you. it’ll be okay! and don’t you wanna see your friends again?”

“i do, but most of them hate my guts,” you wince, recalling the angry messages left by aeri and minjeong, none from jimin, that probably speaks for itself what she thought of you, “they were yizhuo’s friends first, and mine second. when it comes to things like this, they would, rightfully so, take yizhuo’s side.”

chaewon whistles, “yeah it’s not looking too good for you right now.”

you flop onto the couch, sighing, “if i see yizhuo, i’ll freeze up and make a fool of myself.” your hands fly to rub at your eyes, groaning miserably, “i guess i’m not over her.”

chaewon slides into the space next to you, scoffing, “you think? having her number saved and pinned is crazy and the last time we talked before this, you were in love with her. what happened?”

your heart constricts painfully. you never spoke about your breakup to anyone, only asking chaewon if she still needed someone to split rent with. the moment you had uttered those words, you had left the shared apartment with yizhuo, not turning back to watch the love of your life collapse.

“i…” your throat dries up, “i was in love with her, i guess i still am. i don’t doubt that she felt the same for me, but maybe not anymore. our relationship was the best thing to ever happen to me. the happiest years of my life were when i was with yizhuo. she made me feel alive.”

tears prick at your eyes involuntarily. chaewon’s gaze is full of pity and comfort. sympathy. no one else gave you that.

“she wanted to get married, chaewon,” you whisper, “she was ready for marriage. i wasn’t.”

“oh.”

“i saw her looking at engagement rings one day and god, it was like, how have i never noticed before? she always shows me videos of weddings and how she would want her wedding to be like, but i never stopped to think whether i wanted marriage. i didn’t know what i would say if yizhuo just proposed. would it have hurt less for her if i said no rather than breaking up with her?”

chaewon presses a comforting hand to your shoulder, sighing, “i’m sorry, i literally see two of you right now but i’ll try to articulate this as best as i can.” her words draw out a hollow laugh from you. “you just weren’t ready yet, and yeah, you should have communicated that to her before jumping in to break up, but have you ever thought that you weren’t ready because you didn’t love her enough?”

you swallow, tears flowing down your cheeks freely, “n-no, i love her. she’s my favourite person. i love her so much, too much even. but getting married? that’s a lifelong commitment. i just didn’t know if she was sure that she really wanted to spend the rest of her life with… me. she has her whole life figured out. she’s a rich model who could have anyone else. we were childhood friends first, before girlfriends. and now she’s certain that she wants to marry me? what if there’s someone better for her out there? she’s only been chained to me because we got together so young. i just… had to let her go.”

“commitment issues,” chaewon states, “you have severe commitment issues.”

“i guess so,” you let out a watery laugh. your roommate chuckles, “you want her back?”

“yeah, i’m desperate.”

“let’s go to the wedding.”

you send a small smile to chaewon, “thanks, roomie.”

“i saw the invite by the way, and damn, are your friends rich? don’t get me wrong, i’m going as your moral support but the free buffet too—”

“i’m literally going to strangle you.”

yizhuo twirls the pen in her hand, watching it glide across her fingers and abruptly landing on the wooden table with a thud. she couldn’t stand seeing all the wedding preparations and chose to hide in jimin’s study. the door creaks open, a figure stands by the doorway.

“hello jimin unnie, aren’t you meant to be looking over the finishing touches of your wedding?” yizhuo asks, her smile dimming as she thinks about marriage. jimin frowns, “minjeong’s doing that. she told me to come check up on you.”

“me?”

“i know how you feel about weddings. we all do,” jimin says bluntly. yizhuo’s lips fall into a thin line. of course her friends were aware. they helped pick out the ring for god’s sake. the weight of a velvet box lying in her bedside table haunts her dreams.

yizhuo stands up from her desk, inching closer to jimin, a faux smile on her face, “you don’t have to worry about me. it’s your special day after all.”

“not yet, but let me worry about my friend for a while more before i get married,” jimin mutters, “minjeong sent an invite to y/n.” yizhuo’s whole body tenses up. a blurry image of you appears in her brain. she immediately shuts that down.

biting the inside of her cheek, yizhuo turns away from jimin with folded arms, “and? did she say she was coming?”

yizhuo hears jimin’s hesitance.

“just say it.”

jimin clears her throat, “she’s coming with a plus one.”

a distant thought forms. a plus one. your new girlfriend? did you find someone else? were you coming to the wedding to flaunt your new lover? yizhuo wasn’t dumb, she knew that her friends disliked you, heavily. minjeong most definitely sent out that invitation with disgust. jimin told her what minjeong had said to you. aeri had barely brushed it off, saying you weren’t worth her time scolding, despite the chain of messages she sent. she knew that you were aware they hated you. why would you come to the wedding?

“i-i’m not sure what’s their relationship, but her name is kim chaewon and oh my god, minjeong’s gonna kill me, y/n requested for a shared hotel room,” jimin utters out nervously. yizhuo’s eyes turn into slits. a shared hotel room?

“i see,” yizhuo says indifferently, contrasting the feelings bubbling inside her, “that’s good to know.”

jimin places a hand on yizhuo’s shoulder, “hey, it could all mean nothing, i don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“does it matter when i’m already like this?” yizhuo retorts back.

“i hope you don’t do anything stupid. before everything, you’re still my friend. if y/n showing up makes you uncomfortable, i’ll tell her she’s not invited,” jimin says softly, “minjeong will understand. you come first.”

“it’s your wedding, jimin. i won’t be a burden to you guys. it’s your day,” yizhuo mirrors jimin’s frown.

jimin’s shoulders slack.

“it’s not about that,” the older girl retorts, exasperated.

“what is it about then?”

“i don’t think minjeong will stay neutral and be calm when she sees y/n,” jimin groans, “she’ll probably pick a fight with her and i don’t want my wife to be stressed and angry on her wedding day.”

yizhuo can’t help teasing jimin, “wife, huh?”

jimin smirks, “yes, wife. you know last week, minjeong called me—”

“oh kay! i think you should go!” yizhuo yells, saving herself from the details of her friends’ intimate lives. jimin cackles maniacally as she leaves the study. yizhuo sighs and leans her head against the wooden door. jimin’s footsteps can be heard as she walks downstairs, along with the voices of her friends. they’re all scattered and anxious, she hears the distant shouting of minjeong and aeri. despite the noise around her, yizhuo feels somewhat at peace. for now. she doesn’t know what she’s going to do the moment you come to the wedding.

because despite what everyone else says, yizhuo cannot move on. you were literally half of her life and more. when you had uttered those words of devastation, it was like the world had ended. a terrible nightmare that tortured yizhuo every single day. was she too overbearing? sometimes— well, last time, you had mentioned that she was a very affectionate and clingy girlfriend. was that the sole reason? yizhuo frowns. no, that couldn’t be. you were equally as physically needy as her.

maybe you had found someone new? the plus one that was coming? that didn’t seem plausible either. if you were cheating, yizhuo would most definitely know and you abhorred cheaters anyway.

as she wrecked her mind for reasons, a common past time she developed after you had left, the constant rewinding of the conversation had been engraved in her brain eternally.

(yizhuo had just gotten off work, a smile on her face as she entered the house, heels clacking against the floor. the thought of you waiting at home impatiently for her only brought her smile to widen. maybe you would run up to her and embrace her warmly, complaining about how long she took. yet, neither of those happened and she’s left staring at you, hunched over, at the dining table, a suitcase packed by your side.

“what are you doing?” she had asked curiously. were you going on a trip? begrudgingly, you had gotten up, a sombre look on your face as you whispered, “yizhuo…”

that ticked yizhuo off. you never called her yizhuo. it was always baby, honey, sweetheart. but never yizhuo. it sounded so foreign and cold coming from your lips.

“what’s wrong? is everything okay?” she asked.

your face contorts into one of utter desperation and heartbreak, “i think we should break up.”

yizhuo’s mind had gone blank. she had never anticipated hearing those words from you. break up? that wasn’t in her future with you. her heart clenched uncomfortably against her ribcage and her throat constricted, to the point she couldn’t mutter a single word.

taking advantage of her silence, you run your fingers through your hair, the hair that yizhuo would so lovingly comb through every night as she whispered words of devotion into your ear, “i want to break up.”

“no.” is the only thing yizhuo can say. wide-eyed and stupefied, “no.”

you look as stunned as she is, yet the stark difference between the two of you, are the tears that threaten to tip over at every passing second in your eyes.

“yizhuo,” you pleaded, “i’m sorry. i can’t.”

“why are you doing this?” she croaked out, demanding an answer. the weight of the velvet box in her purse felt like it was dragging her down to the darkest pits of hell. she couldn’t imagine something like this ever happening. you were meant to be her happily ever after.

“i—”

yizhuo couldn’t stand it anymore. “tell me why you want to break up!” she yelled, the confusion and fatigue of her body overwhelming everything.

“i… please… don’t make this harder than it already is.”

“you don’t love me anymore? you found someone else?” yizhuo accused. of course, none of these were the true reasons. you couldn’t even look at yizhuo in the eye before murmuring an apology again and grasping the suitcase in your hand.

“i love you,” you had whispered at the door, “i’m sorry.”

yizhuo doesn’t even respond. pure shock overtaking her as she watched you leave. the moment the door had closed, sobs took over yizhuo as she collapsed on the floor, heartbroken and devastated at losing the love of her life.

if you truly loved her, you wouldn’t have left so easily.)

that statement plagues yizhuo’s mind for the next few years. it replays in her head repeatedly, like a broken mantra. she knows that it’s unhealthy; to be thinking of you every night before she succumbs to a dreamless sleep. yet, sometimes, yizhuo prays that she might be dreaming, and when she wakes up, you would be right by her side. jimin thinks she should get a therapist. but yizhuo doesn’t want to get over you. she fears that you might just become a hazy memory, lost in anger and grief. she doesn’t want that to happen. because despite everything, the pain you have caused her, she still loves you.

it’s strange, the way love works. yizhuo hates you for doing this to her; ruining her for anyone else because if they even bore a similar trait to you, she would just break down. like the blind date aeri had set her up on long ago. fresh out of the breakup, and with extreme bribery and convincing, yizhuo had met shen xiaoting, one of aeri’s friends, over dinner. aeri had said that maybe yizhuo needed someone closer to her culture, and with the homesickness she felt constantly, the lack of comforting words that you provided, yizhuo agreed.

that date was the whole reason aeri stopped asking yizhuo to go on blind dates, for when xiaoting had mentioned that she liked cats, yizhuo had started bawling, the memory of you playing with your own pet cursing her mind.

it was embarrassing to say the least, and even more embarrassing to explain to xiaoting that it wasn’t her fault. the poor girl had thought yizhuo had something against cats. aeri apologised endlessly as yizhuo cried, with an awkward xiaoting patting her shoulder. at least they became friends.

maybe, with the support of her friends, yizhuo would be able to stand the sight of you at the wedding. it would be totally fine! and if she sees you with someone new, maybe, just maybe, it would give her the motivation to finally get over you.

honestly, screw everything. you literally hate chaewon right now. thankfully, jimin and minjeong had provided a one night stay at the hotel. your apartment (and mao) was being taken care of by sakura, one of chaewon’s friends. there was apparently a party before the actual day. you assumed they would just want a shared bachelorette party. however, your self-proclaimed wingman was cozying up to one of the guests. by her straight posture and gentle expression, she was probably nakamura kazuha from high school. yizhuo was friends with her, you remember.

you couldn’t believe that all those words of encouragement had flown out the window the moment chaewon locked eyes with the ‘love of her life’. you roll your eyes, already annoyed with your friend. somehow, you still hadn’t spotted yizhuo amongst the crowd.

most of them, you didn’t recognise. some, from high school and college. the rest, probably family members. maybe some faces stood out, like shin ryujin from history class or jang wonyoung, the valedictorian. but mostly, unrecognisable. from the various mops of hair in the crowd, you spot uchinaga aeri’s infamous smirk. you wonder where the rest of the group are.

you sigh, taking a lonely sip of the champagne they provided. at least it was good.

chaewon’s obnoxious laughter fills the area. it’s loud and irritating, or maybe you’re just easily annoyed right now. kazuha just stares at her, all confused. it’s a little funny.

“y/n.” a steely voice rings out from the crowd. you whip your head, heart racing at the familiar but dreadful tone.

“oh,” you whisper, horror-stricken. you weren’t prepared to meet them now!

the older girl merely stares at you, before you bow your head hesitantly, “congratulations on your marriage.”

jimin visibly loosened up, her eyes twinkling and shining with adoration, “thank you.” perhaps out of all of yizhuo’s friends, jimin was the one who hated you the least. she didn’t bother scolding you or cursing you out, only choosing to glare at you.

“i think we should talk,” she finally says after a moment of silence. you wholeheartedly agree with her. if you were meant to see yizhuo tomorrow, you definitely needed another friend that wasn’t chaewon.

she brings you out of the function room, the starry night sky being the only company outside. jimin takes a long gulp of her champagne.

“why’d you really break up with yizhuo?”

the patiently and dedicated stitches of a sewed wound are ripped apart, directly exposing your bleeding heart and emotions. everything comes falling apart the moment she asks. you can only stare at her.

“i… i made a mistake,” you shake your head, “i wasn’t ready.”

jimin, patient as always, hums, urging you to continue.

“she wanted to get married. i didn’t,” you say, with grief and regret lacing your every word, because everything would be fine if you had just talked to yizhuo.

“we helped her pick out the ring,” jimin adds. you only feel more guilty.

“i can’t give her the life she wants, unnie,” the endearing term of intimacy slips out, a cry filled with desperation, “she deserves the world and i can’t give her that.”

“you were her world. it’s that simple. she only ever wanted you.”

hurt gnaws at your heart, it’s palpitating with raw stabs that echo of your heartbreak.

“i don’t deserve her,” you sigh, “i had to let her go. i couldn’t bear to see the look on her face if i refused her engagement.”

jimin nods, “i understand your fear. but i hate the fact that this could have been solved with an explanation.”

you groan, anger coursing through your veins. you were so upset and narrow-minded at the time. the only solution was to seemingly break up with yizhuo. it would spare her the everlasting pain from a rejection of her proposal.

“i know, i just couldn’t at that time.”

the older girl tries to smile. it’s akin to one of those encouraging ones she would give right before an exam or test. it sparks a shiver of nostalgia.

“jagiya, where are you— oh.”

jimin quickly straightens up, swiftly turning around to face minjeong with a grin, “hey, mindoong.”

you tense up, your fingers wrapping around the glass tightly.

“glad you could make it,” minjeong’s eyes flicker up and down your body, venom evident in her tone as she hisses, “y/n.”

nodding, you reply, “thank you for inviting me.”

the tension is overbearing; with minjeong’s glares, jimin’s beaming smile and your awkward shuffling, you couldn’t wait to retreat to the comfort of your hotel room.

“where’s your girlfriend?” minjeong suddenly asks. you stare at her, confused, “my what?”

jimin’s eyes widen as she hastily pulls minjeong aside, frantically whispering in her ear. but like the past, jimin has never been a good whisperer. you catch phrases like ‘she might not be her girlfriend’ and ‘what if yizhuo hears?’. a looming sensation brews in your stomach.

“kim chaewon? is that her name?” minjeong asks harshly, “didn’t take you to like korean girls, i thought you liked chinese girls instead.”

you’re visibly taken aback. what was minjeong saying? chaewon? your girlfriend? since when was chaewon your girlfriend?

“uh,” despite your fear of minjeong yelling at you, your words come out firmly, “chaewon isn't my girlfriend.”

minjeong falters slightly before scoffing, “yeah right. you don’t have to lie now. we all know that you left yizhuo for some other girl.”

your heart stops. what?

what was she saying?

leaving yizhuo for another girl?

“i— i would never… that’s—”

“minjeong unnie, that’s enough.”

you’ve thought of this moment forever. every single day after the break up. you’ve thought of running back into her arms, apologising endlessly for even thinking of breaking up with her. you’ve thought of how she would accept you graciously with murmurs of comfort, because that was just how she was. a gracious and generous girl who deserved the world. you’ve thought of her bright smile and gleaming eyes.

you’ve never thought of her staring at you, a dull and saddened look on her face.

“ning—”

“minjeong unnie,” she pleads, “please.”

the watery gaze must have swayed minjeong over. you would know, having fallen prey to her puppy eyes before. yizhuo slides the door open, watching intently as minjeong and jimin leave.

“good luck,” jimin whispers just before she steps away. you think you need all the luck in the world right now.

yizhuo lets out a heavy sigh once the door slides closed. she gazes at you for a second. you’re taken back to your younger days, where every day was spent just staring at yizhuo. you had proclaimed confidently that yizhuo was the most gorgeous girl on earth. you aren’t wrong. the years you spent apart from her had done her generously. it had only been two, yet, yizhuo looked more mature and sure of herself.

“did you really find someone new?” she whispers, shattering the glass of ignorance. you swallow, shaking your head, “no.”

yizhuo thinks back to the drunken message you had sent.

“was that on purpose? that text you sent,” she asks, eyes wide and afraid of your answer.

you shake your head again, “i was drunk. i’m sorry.”

“i hate you, you know that right?” yizhuo says. before, you had imagined the piercing stab of pain that came with those words. you had thought it would be the end of your life, with the girl you loved the most saying she hated you.

it’s understandable now, and inevitable.

“i know,” you whisper.

yizhuo continues to stare at you. somehow, this all feels like a fever dream, one that she’ll wake up from soon. it feels unreal to have you in front of her again.

she takes in the sight of you, memorising every detail for if you leave again.

“why’d you come then?”

there are many reasons that you can say, with varying degrees of truthfulness; to congratulate jimin and minjeong, to see your friends again, to just visit your hometown.

“i wanted to see you.” it’s the truthest thing you’ve ever said.

“you can’t,” yizhuo inhales sharply, “yo-you can’t just show up like this.”

“i know, i’m sorry.”

your head hangs lowly.

“tell me the real reason why you left.”

you had expected this.

she would want closure.

your throat constricts uncomfortably.

“i… yizhuo…”

“tell me.” it feels similar to your past.

yizhuo looks as beautiful as ever. she’s the only thing you can think of right now. her lips are moving, yet you don’t hear a single thing.

“i didn’t want marriage.”

oh.

the girl’s eyebrows furrow. her eyes turning into slits of anger as she takes in a deep breath. you know she’s about to start tearing up. maybe you should quickly explain yourself.

it’s your only chance.

“i saw you looking at engagement rings and i knew i wouldn’t be ready if you got down on one knee. you’re a model, for god’s sake. you had a prospering career, being tied down to someone like me wouldn’t bring you any benefits,” you finally say. it’s not the full reason why, but you hope yizhuo would understand even a semblance of your choice.

“i know that it’s a shitty excuse. i know that i’m a coward. but what else was i meant to do?”

yizhuo huffs.

“talked to me. you could have talked to me.”

you resist the urge to roll your eyes.

“would that stop me from breaking your heart?”

the love of your life stands before you. yet, it seems like the only words of devotion you’ll exchange is how devoted she is to hating you. yizhuo crosses her arms, frowning, “yes. i’d much rather have a minute of heartbreak than years of it. you’re such a prick.”

“yizhuo—”

“no, you don’t get to do this,” she points a finger at your chest, prodding the area where your head resides ferociously, “you can’t just come back, explain yourself with an extremely stupid reason, and expect that i would be okay with it. you sent me a drunk text, saying you missed me. how come i don’t feel anything?”

“i love you, yizhuo. i just did what i thought was right in that moment—”

the only thing you can hear is your heart shattering into pieces at the sight of tears falling down her face. yizhuo sniffles, her voice becoming shrill as she adds on, “you’re an asshole. you think you’re the only one in this relationship? you didn’t even explain yourself properly. you think you’re making the right choices for us? for me?”

you continue to stare at her blankly.

the next words come out like a gunshot, “then you don’t know me at all.”

it snaps onto your skin, leaving a scathing burn and engraving ning yizhuo’s name into your body. your insides coil up painfully. hearing yizhuo’s cries as you left years ago had been torturous, but nothing beats her breaking down in front of you right this instant. you’re overcome with a striking urge to pull her into your arms and whisper words of affection into her ears, promising her to never leave. the pet name leaves your mouth quicker than you can think.

“baby—”

a sharp stinging sensation sears in your right cheek. you can feel the affected area heating up, scorching hot and red. yizhuo’s handprint is evident, singed in your skin.

an onslaught of tears rises, but you’re determined to not let them fall.

“okay,” you whisper, unable to say anything else to the equally stunned yizhuo, “i’ll leave. i’m sorry.”

the girl just stands outside in the cold, her eyes bloodshot and cheeks rosy from the wind. before you go, the slight shiver that runs through her body makes you hesitate. the comfort of your jacket feels like a heavy burden now.

maybe you would get slapped again. but at least yizhuo wouldn’t be cold.

gently taking it off, you encase yizhuo in your jacket, biting your cheek (which still hurts!) to resist a smile at how it covers her small figure. she gazes at you like a deer caught in headlights. you sigh and try to move your legs, but they feel like jelly. with much difficulty, you finally make it to the door, using the frame to stabilise your wobbly walking.

when you turn back, yizhuo isn’t staring at you, but she’s staring at the night sky, more specifically, the moon. you take one last look at her. the weight on your shoulders is gone now. and all that is left is a longing feeling to have yizhuo back in your arms again. but maybe, you could live with that.

sliding the door open, you go back into the function room. the crowd had dispersed, leaving just a few people chatting around. you spot jimin and minjeong talking while drinking. aeri’s at the bar, engaged in a conversation with a waitress. chaewon, god bless her, is relatively nearby, while kazuha is nowhere to be found.

“chaewon,” you breathe out, relieved. she turns to you, startled, “oh damn, what happened to your face? you look a little…”

“i know,” you laugh dryly, “i think it’s time for us to leave and go to sleep now.”

chaewon doesn’t argue and instead nods, her eyes drawn to the reddening mark across your cheek. even in the dark light, she could still notice the imprints of someone’s fingers.

“she slapped you?” she asks while you head towards the elevator.

“yeah,” you scratch the back of your neck, “we kind of… argued.”

chaewon laughs heartily at your misfortune. you’re glad at least this brings someone joy. maybe minjeong too. she would love to see you in pain.

“i think you should get some rest buddy,” she pats your back. you nod, feeling as if sleep was just an arm’s reach away.

the conversation with yizhuo had drained you significantly, both mentally and physically. and maybe you should put some ointment on the red area too. you might wake up with a bruise or something tomorrow.

the urge to flop into bed is too strong as chaewon slides the keycard into the slot. the door opens, revealing a luxurious hotel suite with a king-sized bed. you remember requesting for a shared room. it was to mainly prevent yourself from doing anything reckless when drunk. you’d have chaewon to keep you grounded.

“did you get kazuha’s number?” you ask as chaewon throws her face cleanser at you. the girl giggles, “yeah. she’s so cute.”

you subtly cringe at the lovestruck look in her eyes.

groaning, you head into the bathroom. your eyes widen as you prod at your cheek, shocked that yizhuo landed such a heavy hit. damn, has she been going to the gym lately? the yizhuo back then barely had any strength to resist your tickles. there wasn’t any surging hot anger left from yizhuo slapping you, just a dull and yearning hope for her. maybe you should calm yourself down by taking a cold shower.

after dowsing yourself with water, you padded out of the bathroom, only to discover that chaewon wasn’t hunched over her luggage anymore.

you check your phone.

chaewon [10.27pm]:

zuha texted me, staying w her for the night

there’s ointment on the bedside table

for ur stupid face

bye :p

wow. chaewon had managed to do that within a day. staying at a girl’s hotel room? you whistle lowly. maybe she was onto something. but with her departure, the hotel room feels too quiet now. only the breezing and fluttering sounds of the airconditioning accompanying your thoughts of self-loathing. collapsing onto the bed, you reach out for the ointment.

just as you unscrew the cap, the doorbell rings. you don’t recall ever ordering room service. maybe it was chaewon and she forgot something?

you turn the door knob, not bothering to check who it was.

“chaewon—”

ning yizhuo stands before you, glassy eyes and a look of desperation that you’re familiar with.

“oh.”

she shuffles awkwardly, gesturing at your cheek, “are—is it okay? does it hurt?”

gulping, you shake your head.

“can we talk?” she asks, in the quietest voice ever, her words coming out shaky and breathless.

you open the door wider.

yizhuo mutters a soft, “thank you,” as she enters the room. you quickly send a text to chaewon telling her not to come back.

“did you put any cream on it?” she asks.

“no, not yet. i was just about to,” you reply quietly. the tension from the heated argument from before had disapparented, only leaving a strained relationship behind.

“can you sit down?”

you follow her instructions dutifully, sitting right at the edge of the bed. yizhuo lifts the ointment up, squeezing a bit on her finger before gently rubbing it into your cheek. it hurts, but the softness of her touch heals the area.

wincing as she applies more pressure, you can only stare at the girl.

“i’m sorry,” she whispers.

“it’s okay.”

you want to pull her into your arms.

you want her to lean onto you.

you want the feeling of her skin against yours.

“i was really hurt.”

“i know.”

yizhuo sighs, her hands dropping.

“i can’t believe you left me so easily.”

your chest tightens at the devastated tone in her voice. it wasn’t easy, you want to say. but it doesn’t feel right to defend yourself now.

“i thought it was the right thing to do.”

yizhuo lifts her head up, “why didn’t you just tell me you didn’t want to get married?”

“i don’t know,” it comes out in a hushed murmur, “i didn’t want to tie you down. you had a lot more things to accomplish.”

“i’d rather have you and nothing than losing you and having everything.”

the confession goes unsaid. because you’re her everything.

“i’m sorry. you just had your whole life in front of you and i was in the back. i… i didn’t fit into your life.”

the girl takes everything in. you were just so afraid then. scared that once you said yes to her proposal, yizhuo might realise that you weren’t the one for her. you’d rather be away from her, than be with her and make her unhappy. you didn’t want to live a miserable life where you hated each other.

“you don’t get to make that choice for me.”

“i know, yizhuo.”

yizhuo’s eyes are brimming with tears. her raven hair covering her face partially, but you can feel the pain radiating off her.

“you know that i would have been happy just being with you?”

“i know.”

“god, you still left like it was the easiest decision of your life.”

no it wasn’t, you again want to protest.

“you know that even in another life, i would choose to just have you by my side, even if i lose everything else? don’t you understand the extent of my love for you?”

it’s so surreal— the way yizhuo is practically begging for you to realise that leaving her was the worst possible choice for you to make.

“i love you too much.”

“then why’d you leave?” she asks.

through tears, you shakily breathe out, “because i love you too much.”

the lack of past tense doesn’t bother you, nor does it bother yizhuo. it’s a given that you’re still madly in love with the girl, and vice versa. it only leaves the question of what will happen now. yizhuo doesn’t say much afterwards. it’s the truth. you love her too much that you couldn’t bear to see her suffer because of you.

“i was so ready to marry you, i bought a ring,” yizhuo mutters, shedding tears. her sniffles aren’t concealed by the low humming of the air conditioning. it feels too real.

“forgive me, please,” you say.

“i can’t.”

the hotel room goes quiet.

“that’s okay,” it’s hard to say. you want to protest against everything, beg yizhuo to take you back and you could live your happily ever after with her.

it doesn’t happen. you don’t fall to your knees and plead.

you only stare at yizhuo in a mix of fear and longing affection. it pains you to see her so broken, and it only drives the knife further into your heart to know you’re the reason why.

“i’m so tired, y/n.”

you nod, feeling the fatigue seep in.

“me too.”

“can i sleep here tonight?” yizhuo asks softly.

you nod. there were still things to talk about, but you think you’ve done a decent job so far. pulling the covers over your bodies as yizhuo slides into the bed, you relish in the warmth and comfort of having her beside you again.

she turns her head to look at you, uncertainty filling her voice, “let’s talk more in the morning. i’m tired now.”

you agree with her wholeheartedly, inching closer to fit against her back.

as yizhuo’s eyelids flutter shut, you caress her skin tenderly. your index finger writes against her back, strokes lining her skin.

我爱你.

i love you. it’s one of the many phrases you’ve picked up throughout the years of being with the girl. she only taught you silly words and swears, but yizhuo had insisted you learn how to say and write those very words.

it’s fitting, because it’s all you ever feel for her.

because of yizhuo, you’ve had the opportunity to experience having a soulmate for almost your whole life. because of yizhuo, there’s no lingering doubt of being unlovable. because of yizhuo, you get to spend your days filled with happiness.

because of yizhuo, you understand what love is.

you just hope she understands you too.

[reallyromealone]

Male reader who is an omega and is mated to jinshi and they have 2 pups but instead of wanting to be like their dad they want to be like mao mao cue a sulky jinshi and a smug cat mao mao

The reader had to comfort his mate

Title: family woes

Fandom: the Apothecary diaries

Pairing: Jinshi x male reader

Warnings: male reader, omegaverse, fluff implied mpreg

��️🩷☁️🩷☁️🩷☁️🩷☁️🩷☁️🩷☁️🩷☁️🩷☁️🩷☁️

(Name) and Jinshi made cute kids, it was just a fact.

"Hello my little moonflowers" Jinshi crouched to his two pups who immediately rushed to them "papa! We know who we wanna be wanna be when we are bigger!" The eldest (daughters name) said as little (sons name) nodded and lifted his arms to be held by his dad who complied "oh? And whose that?" The man was smug, it was him obviously as these were his sons and they adored him and ---

"Maomao!"

What.

No.

/What/.

"Say that again?" His voice shaking as the youngest looked at him "wa be maomao!!" His voice excited as the Alpha looked dejected "you wanna be her?" He whimper as the elder daughter nodded "she's so cool!"

"Why is he so glum?" Maomao asked as she sipped her tea, glancing at the pouting prince as the children played with their toys "oh he's just huffy that the pups said they wanted to be like you when they're older opposed to them being like him" (name) said simply as the youngest came for a treat "isn't that right my little sunflower?" (Name) asked his son who ate his treat "I wa be maomao!" He said happily and Jinshi groaned, looking at maomaos smug as hell expression "well maybe when your older I can teach you about herbs and what not to eat"

"Can I too?!" (Daughters name) asked excitedly and maomao looked to the two Royals "of course you may, my little moonbeam" (name) gently fixed her hair and the young child beamed at this "yaaay!"

One who looked into this scene would be confused about maomao being so informal with the prince and his family but to those in the know, maomao is (name)s right hand, the one he speaks to outside of Jinshi.

"Now, what do we say?"

"Thank you maomao!"

"Stop pouting Jin! Your face will freeze like that!"

[kathairoette]

My part for the @ygomerzine! Ocean researcher Yuugi gets some new friends while exploring the ocean floor...

Oh and if you want some Totally Necessary Lore about the Tentayamis (trademark pending), read below~!

All three Tentayamis live in different ocean zones. Mao/s0 Yami lives in the Epipelagic Zone, DM Yami lives in the upper border of the Mesopelagic Zone, and Atem lives in the Bathypelagic Zone.

The Tentayamis are all technically original designs, but each does have specific inspo as the base:

Mao/s0 Yami: Blue Ringed Octopus DM Yami: Argonaut Atem: Vent Octopus

Mao has thick, shorter tentacles that give him more strength and maneuverability. Yami has longer tentacles, but the 'shell' under his arms are paper-thin sacs filled with air, which helps him boost away from predators. Atem's tentacles are the thinnest and weakest of the bunch, but has webbing around them to help him stick onto the hydrothermal vents.

All three Tentayamis have some form of bioluminesence, typically from the spots on their tentacles or the third eye on their foreheads, if they have one. That, paired with their yellow 'fringes', helps them attract prey who mistake the fringe for seaweed.

Atem is somewhat blind as where he lives barely has any sunlight, but his third eye in particular is highly sensitive to certain rays of light. Yuugi eventually moves him to a separate tank when he notices the spotlights make him uncomfortable.

Thus, instead of moving with sight, he moves by touch! Atem recognizes the other Tentayamis or Yuugi himself by wrapping his own tentacles around them, and is often the first to play with any new toy Yuugi drops into their tank.

All three of them are curious about the two-legger that visits them, but Yami follows Yuugi more closely compared to the others. He's often being the first to greet him when Yuugi arrives and loves mimicking his movements.

The plastic thing floating behind Mao (who's eating a fish) is a baby bottle. It's based on an actual experiment where a scientist tested if an octopus could untwist the bottle to get the fish trapped inside. But instead, the octopus ripped off the rubber from the baby bottle and got the fish that way. So of course, Mao does that too XD (coincidentally, this also implies that Atem is more dextrous, as he was able to unscrew the cap in the photo next to him XD)

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

I'm watching too much stuff. And things are not slowing down with all the things coming in September. So I'm gonna try and keep this short. As much as that's possible given the amount of shows.

QL - Currently Watching

🇹🇭 4 Minutes [6/8] - Finally some answers. I haven't read all the theories floating around about this last episode and what it means, but I'm firmly on the side of, there is another alternative timeline, probably from when Tyme is dying at the start of the show, and also very much in agreement with everything @lurkingshan wrote here that these are just imagined do-overs and nothing will actually change in the real world. Which would be my preferred way.

🇹🇭 Addicted Heroin [2/10] - Haven't watched this weeks episode yet. My review for the first two is here.

🇹🇼 First Note of Love [4/12] - I like them a lot. And I like the pacing of this. I love the intro song. But with a second couple being introduced I think I'm gonna get frustrated having to wait a week for a 20 minute episode. I felt that way a lot during Kiseki.

🇯🇵 I Hear the Sunspot [10/12] - I am annoyed.

🇹🇭 I Saw You In My Dream [7/12] - May the boyfriend era commence. I am enjoying this one. I'm guessing we still have a bit of angst coming and I'm hoping for a good explanation for the dreams.

🇯🇵 Mitsuya Sensei no Keikakutekina Ezuke [6/7] - Just such an incredible show. This week brought the pain and I'm still unwell. As if Frito getting sick wasn't heart breaking enough, that ending left me in tears. I cannot believe we only have one episode left. I am not ready to say goodbye to the three of them.

🇹🇭 Monster Next Door [6/12] - My favourite thing about this is definitely Big. His presence on screen is great. But I'm not fully connecting yet for some reason.

🇹🇭 Peaceful Property [1/10] - It's a lot of fun. Yeah, I know it's not a bl. But it's bl adjacent so it goes here. Also in my head it's gonna be a bl no matter what. Possibly even with a gl side couple. The mind is a powerful thing.

🇯🇵Sugar Dog Life [4/10] - I love Isumi. I really liked that they didn't drag the girl storyline and it served it's purpose. Isumi is now very much aware of it's feelings. I'm looking forward to the date episode.

🇯🇵 Takara No Vidro [9/11] - Takara, my love. This boy has my whole heart. I can't believe I'll have to say goodbye to then tomorrow. I'm bracing for part pain, part happy. Please Japan don't let me down.

🇹🇭 The Loyal Pin [1/16] - I'm waiting to binge.

🇹🇼 The On1y One [4/10] - This show will hurt and I will love every second of it. I really like the look of this show and how we get those little insights into Jiang at the end of the episode. The actors are doing great and I specially love Benjamin Tsang facial expressions. I'm curious to see these two together and how their dynamic will work considering their circumstances. Also, always happy to see the revolving door of cameos Taiwan always grace us with.

🇯🇵Twilight Out of Focus - It's so beautiful. I'm enjoying that we get different couples even if sometimes it feels like we could have more time with them. I like Rei/Shion a lot, but I do miss Mao and Hisashi. 🇹🇭 The Trainee [10/12] - Just to get it out if the way, the Bamhee/Judy storyline was definitely the right call and @lurkingshan was right all along. Also the way the office came together was delightful and it's great to see Pah getting everyone together and once again being the best friend ever. Now. THE OFFICE FLIRTING!!! I was losing my mind giggling like an idiot. I love them. It's pretty obvious at this point that it's mutual and of course Ryan will need to actually be told that, but I still think Jane will wait until the internship is over before confessing or starting anything official. I can't wait to watch all the interns reaction next week. I love it here.

QL - Finished

🇯🇵 Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko! - I'm disappointed in this one. It started off so strong but by the end it lost me. I love Hiroko but I feel like they betrayed the character. And that ending with the kiss in the office was ridiculous. Actually most of the end was weird in the way that it seemed to contradict what came before. I like that they finally got together but it didn't feel as good as it could've.

🇹🇭 Century of Love - Started of great and imo fell apart by the end. I don't think it was consistent all the way through and the mythology was all over the place. Daou did an amazing job though. Also Ju is one of the greatest female characters of the year.

🇯🇵 Cosmetic Playlover - Pretty show. Final thoughts here.

🇹🇭 Knock Knock, Boys! - Probably the biggest surprise of the year for me. It's great. I like the development of both couples. Even if near the end I got a tiny bit annoyed with Peak, I really liked the conclusion of it all. Latte is a great character and the very rare slut unjudged by the narrative.

🇹🇭🇨🇳 Meet You At the Blossom - Look it's great that we got a chinese bl, but this was not it for me. Let's hope this one helps get others made though.

🇹🇭Love Sea - It was fine. I enjoyed Mut but in general I just never connected to this show. And Muk annoyed me to no end. I was so happy to see Aya again and now I just wanna forget that she was ever in this and simply remember her as Yiwa.

🇹🇭 SunsetxVibes - I don't even have words. I don't know if it was my lack of attention or if it never actually made sense but I never really got what the mythology was all about apart from inspiring a truly horrendous looking necklace. I was slogging though this one and I guess the finale was fine.

🇹🇭 This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans - The sides were great, their chemistry was on point. I really wanna see them again. The mains were my favourite thing about Pit Babe but I just didn't like them here.

🇹🇭 The Rebound - I just have to accept that MeenPing will always have bad scripts. They are pretty together but this was a mess.

Dropped

🇹🇭My Love Mix-Up!

Rose Watches OJBL

Pornographer: Spring Life | Playback | Continued Spring Life Finally finished the novelist. Final thoughts.

A LOT of stuff coming this month so if you haven't checked it out, here is the post with all announced upcoming qls for September with a couple of updates that I made today.

As usual my ask box is open. Have a wonderful week💜

[nhl-stories]

Indoor Cat– Jeremy Swayman

Summary: Jeremy is excited to show his girlfriend Alaska, but she's not exactly an outdoor person

Author’s Note: Had so much fun writing this for @bqstqnbruin for @wyattjohnston's 2k24 summer fic exchange! Definitely made me want to write more Sway in the future

Word Count: 2.2k

“Sorry I was too lazy to fish my keys out of my backpack,” Catherine apologizes when Jeremy opens the door to his apartment.

“I wasn’t expecting you, so this is a nice surprise.”

She rolls her bike in and leans it up against the wall. Rubbing her hands across her face.

“I meant to text but I have a million exams to grade and my roommate was being a bitch and our air conditioning broke and I just had to leave.”

When she moves her hands away, Jeremy is standing in front of her with a sympathetic smile. He pulls her into a tight hug that makes her tension dissolve.

“You’re sweaty babe.”

Catherine gives him a shove, “Of course I am! No AC at the apartment and then I biked here in a million-degree weather with 50-pound backpack. I’m MELTING.”

“Sorry, my little ice queen can’t handle the heat.”

She levels a look at him that screams she’s not in the mindset for his little jokes and he bites his lips to hold back his smile.

After she takes a cold shower, she feels more like a real person. She throws on an oversized Maine t-shirt and makes her way to Jeremy’s dining table with a stack of papers.

Once she has a fresh red pen and her answer key, she gets into a sort of trance while grading. She doesn’t quite notice how far the sun has sunk when Jeremy comes behind her and wraps his arms around her kissing her right under her ear.

“Want me to order dinner?”

Catherine leans back into his touch, “Can we get Thai food?”

“Green curry and Pad Kee Mao?”

“Yes, please,” she kisses his cheek then goes back to focusing on tests.

When the food arrives, Jeremy moves her papers despite her protests.

“Stop, I have like so many tests to grade and only like two days to finish them and then enter the grades online.”

“Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take a break.” He moves the tests to the coffee table so they’re out of reach.

This is the price she has to pay if she works at Jeremy’s, which is a pretty nice trade off even if she fights it. Every. Single. Time.

“So, school’s out in a week… any big plans,” he wiggles his eyebrows at her.

Jeremy is clearly hinting at their upcoming trip to Alaska, which Catherine has been actively avoiding planning specifics. She’s not exactly against seeing where he grew up and his parents, it’s the rest of the Alaska Experience™ that’s making her apprehensive.

She tries to be casual about what she says next.

“I’m moving in August.”

Jeremy stops with a forkful of noodles halfway up to his mouth, “Um- what?”

“Yeah, I mean I don’t get along with my roommate and our lease will be up then,” she takes a drink to stop herself from grinning, “And my boyfriend asked me to move in, so I thought I’d finally take him up on the offer.”

It’s a tactical distraction from Alaska, but also an announcement she’s excited to finally share, now that she’s informed her soon-to-be ex-roommate.

Jeremy is around the table and practically straddles her to wrap her in his arms around.

“Seriously?”

He doesn’t wait for the answer before kissing her.

Then he’s pulling back again, “Seriously?”

He goes back in for another kiss, it’s not very good. They’re both smiling too much for their lips to really meet, but soon they get in a rhythm.

 Then Jeremy starts to trail kisses down her jaw and neck. Catherine indulges him for a bit before gripping his hair to pull him back.

“I love the excitement, and I’m excited to move in too, but none of this tonight,” she kisses the tip of his nose, “I still have to be a responsible teacher.

He buries his face in her neck and mumbles, “No you don’t, just quit your job.”

“You say that now while you’re not working, but come fall when you’re back to work and I have nothing to do, you’ll be evicting me,” she rakes her nails through his hair.

“Is that why Taylor is being a bitch?” He says once he comes up for air.

“I mean, it’s not helping, but it’s also just her natural state as a roommate,” she gives Jeremy a gentle push, “Now let me eat my dinner so I can finish my work.”

“Then we can finish this later?” A quick, but filthy kiss follows.

“Maybe, no promises,” Catherine gives him her best stern teacher face, so he knows she means business.

She doesn’t finish all of her tests, mostly because Jeremy is determined to be touching her at all times. So, to keep him from moving around, Catherine holds him in place; leaning back on his chest on the sectional. His hands have free reign and she’s within kissing range. It appeases Jeremy, but greatly slows her grading speed.

Eventually, she just gives up and lets Jeremy rush her to the bedroom. Claiming they need to ‘christen their bedroom’ as if Catherine hadn’t already christened it every which way.

And it’s enjoyable and wonderful until her alarm goes off extra early to make up for the work she didn’t finish. Normally, she’s actually a morning person, but at the end of the school year, her body and mind are ready to call it quits.

Jeremy calls it teacher playoffs. A stupid joke that never fails to make her laugh. She’s soft for his goofy side, even when it’s telling the dumbest jokes.

“Need any help before school?” Jeremy comes up behind her in the shower, wrapping his arms around her waist, hands dipping dangerously low.

“Not that kind of help, that’s for sure,” Catherine giggles while she turns around then moves his hands back to his side.

“You’ve already done enough with this,” she points to a mark where her collarbone meets her shoulder, “this is almost ‘have an awkward conversation with my students’ visible.”

“Consider it payback for you putting off the Alaska talk again.”

Catherine clenches her jaw.

“You thought I haven’t noticed, but the trip is in 10 days and you keep ignoring me every time I bring it up.”

“Yeah, cause you’re gonna talk me into exploring the Alaskan bush or something crazy, when I can explore an Alaskan bush any time I want,” she playfully gropes Jeremy.

He lets out an involuntary groan, before backing away, “See! You’re doing it again! Although great joke, babe.”

Catherine steps back into the spray, rinsing out her conditioner, “Fine. I’ll stay late to finish all my grading and stuff and then we can talk after.”

“Thank you,” he gives Catherine a peck, “And afterwards feel free to explore the bush if you want.”

Catherine rolls her eyes and gets out of the shower.

She gets dressed, thankfully the outfit she packed covers the hickey even with her hair up.

Jeremy is waiting for her with a towel around his waist, a bowl of yogurt and fruit waiting for her and a to-go thermos of coffee.

“Want me to drive you in? So, you don’t have to bike there and back.”

“Sure, but you’ll have to drop me off a few blocks away. Cause if my students see me with you, I’ll never get them to focus, and they’re squirrely enough this time of year.”

◊◊◊

Catherine finishes her grading sooner than she thinks, even enters all the grades online. Now there’s two things to not look forward to; planning with Jeremy and annoying emails from parents about final grades.

She checks the weather on her phone, the heat doesn’t seem to be breaking and won’t until the sun sets a couple hours from now.

She debates her options for a few minutes before deciding to ask Jeremy for a ride home. The deciding factor being she’d rather have an uncomfortable talk without first having a sweaty bike ride. The less time out of the comfort of AC, the better.

“And this isn’t embarrassing for me to pick you up out front?” Jeremy snarks when he pulls up to the curb.

Catherine rolls her eyes and starts to load the bike in the back, “I should have just dealt with the heat.”

When she slides into the passenger seat, Jeremy grabs her hand intertwining their fingers and giving it a squeeze.

“I’m just buttering you up before I tell you about all the Alaskan adventures I have planned for us.”

“I’m already exhausted.”

Jeremy squeezes her hand again, then points an air vent more towards Catherine.

When they get back to the apartment Catherine flops onto the couch, “Okay lay it on me.”

Of course, Jeremy takes that as an invitation to drop right on top of her, barely catching himself before his whole weight lands on her.

He leans in to kiss her. Once, twice… he pauses like he’s trying to figure out if he can get away with more. Instead, he decides to sit up and pull Catherine up with him.  

“Why are you so anxious about this trip? You’ve met most of family and friends, and you’ve agreed to move in with me so I don’t think this is a commitment thing…”

She throws back her head and takes in a deep breath, “No, but it’s gonna sound stupid and miniscule in comparison.”

“But I like the sound of small rather than something more fundamental to our relationship.”

Catherine takes a moment, trying put the words the right way in her head.

“I’m worried that you have not spent a lot of summer time with me so you have not seen how much I wilt in the sun and heat and generally want to die. It’s a very ugly side of me both because of my sweat and my attitude and I spend a lot of energy trying to avoid it.”

Catherine feels like she has to avoid eye contact while she gets this off her chest. Mostly because she can feel herself flush with embarrassment about her confession.

“And then you’ll want to climb a mountain or something and you’ll see that we are not on the same outdoorsy level and realize we just aren’t compatible,” she looks down at her lap in shame.

“Oh sweetheart,” Jeremy cups her face, “that is stupid. Alaska rarely gets over 70 degrees.”

Catherine lets out a surprised laugh.

“I already know you’re a bit of an indoor cat,” he smirks at the play on her name.

“I’m being vulnerable here and you’re making fun of me!” She doesn’t mean for it to come out so whiny.

“And if you had talked to me before this, you would know I’ve already thought about all these things.”

She cocks her head in response.

 “I would never make you face your least favorite thing, temperatures over 80 degrees, if there was something I could do to stop that.”

“That’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said.”

“And that’s just the start,” Jeremy can’t help but grin.

“I’d love to show you the top of a mountain but everything there is so beautiful we don’t need to climb thousands of feet of elevation to see something great. I have so many options you can choose from, I made you a spreadsheet.”

“This is might sound sarcastic, but that weirdly turns me on.”

Jeremy pulls her into his chest, “If I really needed to do some crazy, difficult hike, I know people who like that. I’m going on this trip to spend time with you and if that means a flat, short hike, I’m going to love it.”

“Most importantly,” Jeremey untangles himself and leaves the room.

He comes back with a suitcase, “I bought you a suitcase just for books you want to bring. So, when we go out on the boat you can just read and look pretty if you don’t want to fish.”

“Oh my god, I love you.”

She gets up and jumps into his arm.

“So, you’re excited for our trip now?”

Catherine smiles and decides to show him with actions rather than words.

◊◊◊

Catherine has never been happier to be proven wrong, Alaska is honestly her ideal summer vacation. Not too hot, too gorgeous to describe with words, and the almost never-ending daylight made it seem all seem like some kind of dreamland.

The view right now is proof.

Book in her lap, Jeremy looking hot driving the boat in the foreground, and a glacier in the background.

The boat slowly comes to a stop.

“See something you like?” Jeremy smirks from the captain’s seat.

She shrugs, “this book is kind of dragging and I was thinking, you know I’ve never had sex on a boat?”

Jeremy raises his eyebrows.

“And we happen to be on a boat… in this very scenic… fairly romantic location,” she tries to use her best innocent, doe eyes.

In a flash, her book is on the ground and Jeremy is on top of her.

It’s something Catherine can see becoming a summer tradition.

[txttletale]

hi I've been following you for a while and I had some questions about MLism. First, while I think I have a decent understanding of how it works economically, how would a ML government (after the revolution) ensure it doesn't become too powerful? like what systems would be put in place so that it hears public opinion and dissent (should there be any) and not try to maintain power through oppressive means?

Secondly, what would the aftermath of the revolution look like? once the government is overthrown, there will most likely be a period of instability where different factions trying to sieze control. How would the MLs make sure that they get seated in power?

I am genuinely trying to learn more about it, so I'm sorry if those questions are ignorant. Thanks!

i mean, that first part? i'll be completely honest with you and say that in my opinion that's a partially unsolved problem. i think that lenin's prescriptions in state & revolution, based on the actions of the paris commune--that all 'officials' should be subject to democratic recall at any time and paid no more than anyone else--would be a good start.

but of course the USSR did not ossify and see abuses of power because its leaders simply forgot about what lenin wrote--the centralization of power and limiting of worker democracy was a direct result of the newly formed state apparatus having to fight brutal years-long civil war followed as mere decade later by a brutal years-long international invasion. & this is of course a situation that will be faced by any serious socialist government & their newly formed apparatus!

however, on the other hand -- cuba has succesfully maintained an incredible system of participatory democracy. i think that mao's idea of the 'mass line' -- that theory must constantly be in dialogue with the situation on the ground and the situation of the workers -- is vital to maintaining this. in its own time of crisis, during the 90s, instead of 'pulling the ladder up' on workers' councils, cuba expanded and doubled down on its participatory democracy. i think if any nation has succesfully followed lenin's theory and example, it's cuba, and the mass workplace and municipal democracy that the cuban communist party has invited should be the model for any future socialist revolution.

and quite frankly the reason why MLs will 'take power' after the revolution is because marxism-leninism is the only revolutionary socialist ideology with a plan and ability to take and maintain power over the bourgeoisie. i think one thing reading lenin will very much clarify is that the socialist state is not something that is built after the revolution but a continuation of the revolution -- lenin explains aptly the marxist position that, having taken up arms in order to dethrone the bourgeoisie, to not establish a marxist dictatorship of the proletariat is to throw aside those arms that have already been wielded and used. 'not setting up a worker's state' isn't inaction, but a deliberate choice to be disarmed and helpless in the face of foreign intervention or counterrevolution.

and this is also why i think that while solving the (very real and dangerous!) spectres of bureaucracy, of revisionism, of socialist militias becoming police forces "special bodies of men apart from and above" the people instead of "self-acting armed organizations" of the people is a vital and pressing question for marxism-leninism to address in both theory and practice, it is just as vital to note that only marxism-leninism can succeed to the point where this becomes a problem--only marxism-leninism has shown the historical ability to put the workers in a position of political supremacy that they might risk losing to these flaws and missteps.

& seriously, don't be sorry for asking questions. any questions in good faith are welcomed on this blog, because i'm a communist and i do in fact think it is my job to explain communism to people. have a nice day & don't be so down on yourself!

[ciciyup]

Yandere! Lau X Fem! Reader headcanons.

cw: Sensitive themes, prejudice, xenophobia, manipulation, slight obsession, little nsfw, angst, murder, dark themes, stalking. (don't forget the era in which the story is set)

━━━━━━✧ 🦢 ✧━━━━━━

Lau thinks about how peculiar all those people around him are, he seemed to have the affinity to notice the hypocrisy of the people around him. They all appeared so neat and so modest, what would they be like behind closed doors? Surely the men would stop being as gentlemen as they took it for granted in public and the women would stop being a lady as they tried to be all the time, behind closed doors it was another thing, but Lau had always believed that people in England were very peculiar.

Of course, he couldn't deny that the balls were entertaining, especially when the young Earl Phantomhive was there with his indispensable butler, everything seemed to go perfectly. The tables with the best dishes and food of the best quality, the mansion shining without a single spot of dust, the excellent decoration, how fascinating.

Ladies at balls were not something that caught Lau's attention, being surrounded by women was something he was used to, so at balls he didn't usually ask a woman to dance, maybe chat a little with other men of status, have a drink and stay there, but not court.

It was curious when he saw you, he had never seen you at any of the balls or any other event, but he assumed you were close to the Phantomhive family when he saw you talking to the count. Weren't you lovely? You seemed to shine in such a beautiful dress and a choice of such beautiful colors, from his place Lau could guess that you only wore the finest and most expensive fabrics. He could guess the time it took you to choose such a delicate hairstyle, the perfect curls that fell behind your back, the bun tied perfectly without a single loose hair, the perfect decoration with precious pearls around your hair, although surely it hadn't been done by you but by some maid. You looked radiant.

There was no other way to do it, if he wanted to talk to you he had to ask you for a dance, that was how it was there, it would be too reckless if he just approached you to talk, very ungentlemanly. Besides, since you had arrived you seemed to be close to an older man and an older woman with whom you were talking, they were surely your parents, you had very similar features to each one, he should make a good impression at least, where would his manners be if he didn't?

Your eyes seemed to inspect him before accepting his invitation, your gloved hands timidly touched his as you followed him to the center of the room along with the other couples who were already there, of course, it would be unacceptable if you refused him, what a rude lady to reject the invitation of such a kind man. A perfect occasion to talk to you, he had to take advantage of it.

It was easy to start a conversation while the dance was slow and not that tiring, Lau found out that you were the only daughter of a high class marriage and of very good social status, although you couldn't always be present at many events due to the little time you had for other tasks, although it also seemed that you didn't love the idea of dances, but it seemed that your parents were the ones who most wanted you to find a man who would become your husband, that is why they made sure that you went with them to the events.

After finishing the dance Lau offered to take you to his seat to continue talking while keeping his big smile the whole time. It seemed strange to you when as soon as you sat down there was a young woman next to you, he nonchalantly told you that it was Ran-mao referring to her as his sister, however, there were touches on both parts such as Lau touching her legs and holding her close to him or her hugging him by the arm from time to time. You did not say anything, but perhaps your expressions already gave a lot to say.

Still, Lau had seemed like a charming man to you, he had charisma and a constant cheerfulness, ignoring the fact that sometimes he used to go off topic or say meaningless words, but that was okay, that didn't bother you. He seemed to be a good supporter, a noble with a good status and earnings and who seemed to be easy to deal with, you had liked him.

Your parents not so much, as soon as you stayed too long with him, your mother came to you while giving some quick excuse to take you with her, quickly saying goodbye to Lau while giving him a contemptuous look and taking you out of there.

Lau knew it right away, he could pretend on the outside, but he wasn't stupid, he knew exactly the typical looks. Your parents hadn't liked him, money wasn't the problem but where it came from. He cared little about what your parents liked, he was interested only in you.

He got distracted, he snuck in, who knows, but what he did know was what was going on out there with your family, while Lau was out of the party he could see your mother walking quickly towards the carriage with you while she frowned and scolded you.

"Don't get together with that man again." "He's not good for you, we already have someone for you." Hearing the words, Lau could only raise his eyebrows slightly, but he seemed more interested in the fact that they had already found someone for you than in what they were talking about him. They already had someone for you, that had been fast, the fact of imagining another man courting you made his smile disappear.

After that day of the dance, Lau kept investigating everything about you and your family, he couldn't deny that the fact that you were already engaged to another man made him bitter, so he took action. It wasn't for nothing that he worked in the underworld, he could use it to his advantage after all. He was already there in your life, even if they had only danced and chatted for a while, Lau was sure that he would know more about you than the guy you were going to get engaged to.

Strangely, while your parents were traveling in a carriage, it broke down, causing them to have an accident where neither of them managed to survive. On top of that, the suitor you were engaged to had stopped sending you letters and had disappeared completely.

You were devastated, your parents had died, you would no longer have the funds to live on since, being a woman, all of your family's fortune would pass into the hands of your distant cousin and the truth is that he would not share a single cent with you. The man you were engaged to had disappeared, you had tried to go to his parents or even the servants but no one had dared to say anything about his whereabouts, which left you baffled. Maybe he had backed out after hearing about your parents' death, was that it? Now that you no longer had any fortune had he declined?

Satisfied by the events that had happened, Lau knew that it was the perfect time to intervene, now that you were helpless and vulnerable, he could take you easier. He showed up at your parents' funeral, paying his respects, and as soon as it was over he offered to take you home in his carriage, although on the way there was hardly any chatter, he had decided to wait for the right moment. As soon as you were arriving at your destination he starts talking and proposing an offer that he knew would benefit you: if you married him you would no longer have to worry about money or anything else, none of that, he would take care of it. You just had to marry him, just that.

You were not in a position to choose, it was that or be left adrift with nothing, but you thought that after all the man had been so friendly and kind that he would be your salvation, which made you quickly accept.

Oh, how wrong you were, if you had known what he was really like, if you had known what he would do, if only you had known... But you had already accepted and once you fall into the web it is difficult to get out of it. Lau took you as a naive young girl, so naive that you thought of nothing else but clinging to the first float you saw in the water and he wanted you, he wanted that naive young girl.

It was nice at first, after his marriage, you moved in with him, but there started to be little things that you began to notice that made you doubt if he was the real man you thought you knew.

Why was he always smoking to the point where you had to open the windows in the house so you wouldn't drown? He had never smoked before. Why was Ran-mao always sitting on his lap and even when you did things that were just for you as a married couple she was always there? She was supposed to be just his sister. Why did he suddenly disappear without saying anything to the point of sometimes not coming back to the house and leaving you alone? Or why did he seem to become more irritable when you did something he didn't want? He was supposed to be a good man, right?

And when you had enough, you decided to find out for yourself. Silently following him as he left the house until you reached a strange place that went beyond the dangerous alleys, above the door of the place there was a sign with something written in Chinese, although you did not understand what it said so you continued on entering the place.

Too much smoke, too many shameless men who seemed to look you up and down while they had scantily clad women by their side. The further you went into the place the murkier everything became, you did not even want to know what was behind the many doors of the place where strange noises were heard.

Then there you saw him, smoking carefree, several women surrounded him including Ran-mao who was sitting on his lap. Seeing you, Lau puts his pipe aside and releasing the smoke held in his mouth he looks at you opening his eyes a little more seriously. He knew it, he knew that you had followed him. As soon as all the women beside him left and the two of you were left, Lau approaches you in a nonchalant manner as you begin to ask about what kind of place it was, surely he didn't work in what he once told you, no, it was something darker.

Then, when all you want is explanations, you don't expect Ran-mao to appear from behind injecting a needle into your neck causing you to quickly lose consciousness.

Even after you've followed him and discovered something he didn't plan to tell you, it only makes everything worse between you. Lau's violent tendencies aren't frequent but when they appear they aren't pleasant, he implements them with you.

Using his needles in a way that was not gentle on you until you cried was just the tip of the iceberg, each thing he did seemed to be worse than the other. Locking you in the room of the house without food or water or even seeing the sunlight for days until you knock on the door apologizing for anything just to be let out. You wouldn't go out anywhere, not when he knew you might run away or tell someone, not that he cared since he could use his contacts and make the people involved disappear and find you right away, but he preferred to save himself all that, so he doesn't let you go out alone, you would only go out with him to some event, but you would stay in your place, as his good wife.

Now, being together or not, he would want to satisfy his needs from time to time, just accept it and let it go, that's how it is. Let him fuck you in his opium den, the companions that surround him are not important, he wants you. Let him take you to the edge until you can't go back to yourself and only think about him. Let him raise you and fill you until you can have an heir like in all marriages, because that's what they are, he's your husband and you're his wife, you're united, there's nothing wrong with that.

Lau is aware, he knows that you know that he is working on things that are not so pleasant, on things that are too low to say out loud, he knows that from the first moment he saw you his intentions with you have not been good and they never will be, but don't blame him, you are special to him, he can't let you go, even if it hurts you.

━━━━━━✧ 🦢 ✧━━━━━━

[knightzp]

something posessed me and i started and finished a fic in just one setting this has never happened before 💥💥💥💥💥

[thistledropkick]

The quoted tweet, from January of this year, reads:

"Because of all that's happened recently, I feel like I want to live life to the fullest.

Let's not wait too long."

The tweet from today reads "My feelings, past and current."

The three pages of text read:

"Jan 19, 2024, at 12:14 am

On the topic of Chris and Desperado.

Did it start with his tweet that said "I want to appear on Baka Gaijin + Friends someday"? I don't know precisely, but around that time I started taking this seriously.

For me, that time period was especially difficult, and since then, my life has really changed.

In December of last year, I was examined at the hospital.

Baliyan Akki was by my side. He said, "I'm sure it's nothing serious, so let's go drink some beers and laugh about it afterwards!" But his tone changed when the doctor started to explain that there was something wrong inside of me.

I had cancer.

I wasn't able to leave the hospital that day. I called my mother in England, and explained what was going on. Reasonably, she was very worried.

At that time, the true nature of the tumor was still unclear.

But, it was undoubtedly malignant. After that, from Christmas into the new year, I had a very long three week wait. I badly wished to be able to wrestle again, just one more time.

Lying in bed, waiting for surgery, and sleeping in that same bed, of course I was thinking "It would be so good to wrestle again"

I was lucky, and my doctor told me that they had been able to remove the entirety of the cancer.

Around that time, MAO had been planning his Birthday Party Match, which he wanted to be CDK vs MAO and TAKA Michinoku. I absolutely wanted to return to the ring. Five weeks after my surgery, I returned to the ring. I may have rushed it a bit. But I lacked the self-control to wait any longer. And afterwards, I feel that it was the correct choice to make.

The fact is, Desperado and I have been discussing having a match together for a long time. And that's not simply a matter of mutually respecting each other and our abilities as wrestlers.

The two of us get along well. We share a similar desire to create things that are unusual, that are unique, that are interesting. Things that exist outside of conventional preconceived ideas.

I can't speak for Despe but as for myself, I have no interest in being "the best in the world." My only desire is to have fun, to make good memories for others, and of course, to make good memories for myself.

I don't know what kind of match Despe and I will show you, but whatever the result, I have a feeling it will be a day, a match, and a moment that will remain in my heart forever. I want to challenge and to be challenged. I want to feel alive. I know that El Desperado is an opponent who will give me everything that I selfishly desire... And I hope that the result of this selfish indulgence will be enjoyable, unforgettable and magnificent for everyone who watches it.

I'm excited. It will be a day in Ryogoku that holds a lot of meaning. So be prepared to laugh, to cry, and to truly feel alive."

Despe replied:

"Thanks for your thoughts on everything to this point

And I wonder how many more times I'll be able to meet an opponent who truly understands my desires?

I'm glad Takahashi Hiromu was in the same class as me

I'm glad Fale was in the same class as me

I'm glad Chris is wrestling in the same era as me

I'm glad Chris is a true friend who feels the same way I do

Because of that,

I won't hold back."

[razberryyum]

Husbands being cute are one of the many reasons why the Incense Burner extras are so precious!

MDZS manhua artist gives us Incense Burner Extra 2 (Part 6/?)

Just seeing them waking up in their inner robes, in a Gusu Lan bed together, I-- 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️

Gremlin 😂

Seriously RIP everyone's ears and innocence in Cloud Recesses 🤣

Love a super hornee Lan Zhan ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

The fact that we will probably never get to see these scenes of domesticity between the husbands in any official capacity thanks to censorship will always bum me the F out. Look how freaking adorable they are! My God can you imagine if we got to see this in the donghua... or The Untamed? This is why I love the extras so much...other than the hot, naughty papapa, we get sweet moments like this too. 😭 Thank God we can listen to some of it thanks to the audio drama, and hopefully nothing happens to change that.

Anyway, fuck censorship, and go give the manhua artist Mao Than Xiao Jian Jian some love on their Twitter: @maotuanxjj

Also of course always all the love to MXTX, the creator of all things WangXian and MDZS.

[otomiyaa]

On Camera

Hisashi x Mao

A/N: I saw Tasogare Outfocus episode 1 - 5 last night, and poof, this fic was suddenly in my head. I'm an anime-only for now but definitely want to check out the manga too^^ thank you @ticklygiggles for your support!

Summary: Mao finds himself tickled to death again, again and again by his ruthless boyfriend Hisashi. He wonders if there is any chance to turn the tables... (Also on AO3)

Warnings: Tickling, bondage, no smut.

Word Count: 2.6K

Ah, the lights were on but they looked blurry. His chest felt like it was burning, as did everywhere he was being touched. And no, it wasn't even that kind of touch. But he surely was dying.

"HISA-ahhh! S-staha-nohoho w-wait!"

Mao could barely comprehend what he was saying, or trying to say. He could feel Hisashi's mouth on his neck, making the little hairs stand as he tickled him with his lips, his tongue, his breath.

"Does it tickle?"

All that, and Hisashi still had the nerve to ask him the obvious. Mao nodded tiredly. He felt dizzy and lightheaded from laughing so much. He could barely register the sound of his own voice as he felt his entire body react to the ticklish onslaught.

Already for a while now, he lay trapped in Hisashi's arms. His sides and ribs were suffering an endless ticklish terror, which would switch to other spots such as his stomach, hips, armpits and neck, only to return to those sweet spots between his lower ribs again. On repeat.

Hisashi was an absolute monster, and still, a monster he loved.

"AHH-I c-cahahan't! Hisahahashi!" Mao begged. He blinked his eyes and felt how tears were streaming down his cheeks. Even the funniest movie wouldn't be able to make him laugh like this. It was a feeling out of this world.

"Of course you can. Laugh some more for me, Mao," Hisashi whispered in his ear while his fingers remained buried under Mao's shirt, tickling him to death in multiple places.

Ah, those words of encouragement only made Mao feel even more flustered.

"Plehehease, h-have mehehercy!" he giggled tiredly. His stomach did start to hurt a bit from laughing so much at this point.

When he finally felt the tickle attack slowing down, he managed to turn himself in Hisashi's embrace, and he faced him.

"Are you done?" he asked breathlessly. Hisashi wore the most beautiful smile.

"I think so," he chuckled.

"Geez, you always do this," Mao said, leaning his head against Hisashi's shoulder to rest some more. He really was out of breath this time.

"It's because you're so ticklish," Hisashi muttered, his fingers creeping back under Mao's shirt. For a moment he tensed up when he anticipated more tickles, but the next minute they were kissing passionately, surprising Mao that he still had some air left to kiss his evil lover long and deep.

He loved Hisashi, he would even say he loved his tickle attacks. But... wasn't it getting a little unfair at this point? Sure they'd had the conversation a few times before.

"You're so ticklish Mao," Hisashi would say after wrecking him completely. And whenever Mao would try to tickle him back, he could barely get a similar reaction out of him.

"Were you trying something~?" Something like that would be Hisashi's response whenever Mao tried to tickle him. And 9 out of 10 times it would result in Mao's very own demise. By now, he knew to be careful.

Still, after getting tickled to tears just now, again, he really started to wonder if there was no way for him to make Hisashi laugh like this. Something more than a giggle would already be appreciated.

Mao would often think that, but this time it wasn't like other times: getting tickled to death by Hisashi, fantasize about getting his revenge, then forgetting about it. Repeat.

No, this time the thought stayed, and started to grow. What if...He would find a way to carefully discover if Hisashi really could laugh for him too. Whether he had any ticklish spots. And also whether it would be possible to, just a little, make him... beg?

Mao blushed and felt like trash for thinking it. But the image of Hisashi squirming under his touch, giggling, moaning and laughing while begging him to stop tickling him... It was a certain thought that had Mao end up in the bathroom by himself the next day.

Pfff. Even that little round of solo pleasure wouldn't let him get over it, so he decided to think of his plan. And the moment he replaced the 'don't be ridiculous'-thought with the 'but how can I make this happen'-planning process, his creativity as a filmmaker started.

Speaking of film...

"Mao? Is something wrong? You've been spacing out the past few days. I can tell something's on your mind."

Yes, it indeed took at least a few days to come up with the plan. And this little interrogation about his feelings was all part of it.

"....No, nothing," Mao lied. He wanted Hisashi to pry a little, at least. Hisashi stood closer to him and cupped his face.

"Tell me what's wrong. Your face is all red too," Hisashi said, rubbing Mao's cheek with his thumb. Mao closed his eyes when he leaned in for a kiss. Ah, he loved Hisashi so much...

"It's embarrassing," he mumbled after the kiss. Hisashi looked at him with those beautiful eyes.

"What is?"

"There is something I would like to try," Mao finally admitted. Ah, even when it was all part of his act, it was still embarrassing. What if Hisashi would be grossed out? They had made jokes about it before. Well, particularly Hisashi was the one to joke about it.

"What do you want to... oh?" Hisashi noticed the camera that stood in a different position.

"When did you put that here?" Hisashi walked towards the camera and studied the angle, right beside their bed. He then pointed at it.

"Erotica? Do you want to...?" he asked with a curious but excited look in his eyes.

"I wanted to try something o-on you," Mao mumbled shyly, and he revealed the other part of his plan, taking them from under the bed. Restraints.

Hisashi's eyes widened in surprise. "Wow. Really? I am flattered," he said with a smile. But then when he realized Mao was serious, he blushed and nodded.

"I mean, of course! I told you before, if there's anything you would like to try, do tell! So, do I go first?" he asked, and Mao's stomach already made a backflip at the word 'first', since he knew Hisashi would eventually want to try the same thing on him.

"Do I undress?" Hisashi asked when Mao didn't answer, and he walked towards the bed and started to unbutton his pants.

"N-no no, wait... Just your shirt, please," he suggested shyly. Hisashi looked surprised again, and then smug.

"Ah, I see. Of course!" He didn't bother to button his pants up again, but he did take off his shirt and sat down on their bed. He reached up with his arms, placing them wide first, and then together.

"Like this? Or this?" He was so cooperative! Probably because Mao was being so shy about this, which were his true genuine feelings. But also part of the plan... He had an inkling it would get Hisashi to cooperate sooner, but he hadn't thought it would actually be this easy.

"L-like this," Mao said, sitting down beside him and grabbing his arms, helping them spread wide above his head again.

"Only my arms~?"

"No, the legs too."

He tied each arm and leg to the bed, admiring how handsome and sexy Hisashi looked like this. So irresistible that he couldn't help himself and kissed his lips.

"Hmmh," Hisashi made a cute sound. "Mao. You're forgetting something."

Ah. Hisashi even reminded him that the camera was still off. Mao couldn't believe Hisashi seemed this determined to make, what was probably in his mind, some steamy porn of their own. However, Mao had different plans. On shaking legs, he got up from the bed and turned the camera on.

If Hisashi would happen to be ticklish, not only could Mao finally have his deserved revenge on him for all those times he was tickled to death. He would actually have it on camera too...

"Ready? I'll m-make you feel good," Mao said, staring down at Hisashi with a blush on his face. He straddled him and put both his hands on Hisashi's chest.

"I'm all yours," Hisashi said with a seductive smile. And he meant it. Mao could see the determination in his eyes. He started off by still making Hisashi think he was just going to fondle and touch him in the erotic kind of way, by rubbing his hands against his chest, admiring the beauty of his body.

"That feels like a great massage." Hisashi hummed and closed his eyes. Mao felt nervous when he replaced his handpalms for his fingers, dragging them softly up and down Hisashi's sides.

"I hope it feels good," he replied. He watched Hisashi's reactions closely. Maybe he wasn't ticklish after all, since the way he was being touched now was the kind of tickle that would already make Mao sound like a squeaky toy.

"A-ah..." Hisashi made a tiny sound when Mao reached his lower sides, where he made little circles with his fingers, adding a little more pressure. He noticed a little twitch. A twitch!

"T-taking it slow, aren't you?" Hisashi asked, opening one eye, still with that same smile. Mao nodded.

"We shouldn't rush it, right?" he said, and without warning he curled his fingers and tickled Hisashi very intentionally. It worked. Hisashi jerked all of a sudden and let out a surprised: "OHh!"

Mao's eyes widened. "Sorry, what did I do?" he asked. Of course he knew very well. He wanted to hear him say it.

"Nothing! Nothing, you just surprised me that's ahahall, h-hey, M-Mao? W-what nohohow?" Hisashi broke down in soft restrained giggles when Mao repeated the same touch again and again.

Yes, yes yes! "Does it tickle, Hisashi?" he asked. He could see the realization on his boyfriend's face.

"Mao y-you cahahan't be s-serious!" The more Mao tickled him - the soft kind, the more Hisashi giggled. Mao tried to squeeze, pinch or claw, but found they were not as effective as the soft brushing with his fingertips against Hisashi's smooth sensitive skin. His boyfriend arched his back and whined.

"Does it tickle?" Mao asked again, and when he found the perfect opening and tickled Hisashi's arched lower back, he was pleased to hear the little surprised squeak coming from him as he fell back. So sexy!

"It doesn't! You lihihittle- wahhah!" Hisashi really did seem to realize this had been Mao's intention all along.

With his hands stuck between Hisashi and the bed, Mao continued to lightly scribble at his lower back. Hisashi's mouth opened slightly as more of those beautiful giggles filled the room. Mao wanted more than that. He needed more.

"Ah, so it doesn't tickle. I see," Mao said, showing off his look of disappointment before suddenly moving his hands back up and wiggling all ten fingers against Hisashi's ribs.

"HEY! Hohohold on- ahhahah no!" Hisashi cried out. Mao's eyes widened in disbelief. This worked, it really did! Entranced, he let his fingers climb up further. Those exposed and vulnerable armpits, they had to be ticklish They had to....

"Mahahahao no not there- don't you dare- don't you dahahare!" He sensed that the longer Hisashi was subjected to this, the more nervous and ticklish he seemed. His smug appearance crumbled and that bright smile had only become more beautiful.

"Why not? It won't tickle you, would it?" Mao said, cringing from his own cold boyfriend act, but he couldn't help himself! He was finally winning!

"I s-swehehear I'll gehehet you- NOHohh!" Hisashi laughed like Mao had never heard him laugh before. It was more like a cute howling sound. Tickling his armpits with wiggling fingers, brushing, digging, scratching very lightly, Mao noticed that he had found a goldmine.

Hisashi shook his head, his beautiful blond hair moving from side to side and his arms and legs were kicking and fighting against their restraints.

"Does it... tickle?" Mao asked, finding himself return to that question again, not only because it was the exact way Hisashi would tease him, but also because it was kind of his indicator whether he was going too far or not. He figured, if Hisashi would want him to stop, he'd surrender and admit the obvious: how much it tickled.

Or wouldn't he?

"Nohoho! Gahaha- Mahahao!" That still wasn't anything close to surrendering, but the moment Mao hit that sweet spot under his arms, Hisashi's hips bucked so much that Mao fell right off him.

Not that it would stop him. He sat on the side and leaned over him, still aiming for both those ticklish armpits. Meanwhile he glanced at the camera, making sure he wasn't blocking the view of Hisashi's beautiful laughing face.

"Heeheee- nahahah do nohohot!" Hisashi laughed when Mao's dancing fingers finally decided to try some other spots, even though it was just tempting to tickle his armpits until Hisashi would give in.

He lowered his hands to his hips and squeezed, enjoying the way Hisashi bucked in response. With his pants unbuttoned, chest bare and that huge smile on his face, he had never looked so sexy before.

"Eyaahahaha! Not thahahat!" Mao grinned. He finally broke him. It didn't matter anymore whether it was the soft or rough kind of tickle. Hisashi seemed sensitive to all of them now. He was laughing hysterically, there was still restraint on his arms, but no more on his voice. He had no energy left to hold back, or keep in control.

If Mao wasn't mistaken, it could be any second now. Just a liiittle more...

"AAHH! Hahaha not thehehere- ohohoh eeeek!" Hisashi sounded hilarious when Mao - after a tickly trail down his boyfriend's sensitive thighs and knees - started to tickle his bare feet.

Mao was impressed for how long Hisashi had taken the playful tickle torture before finally giving in.

"Ahahalright it t-tickles! It tihihickles Mahahao! You wihihin nohohow!"

Smiling proudly, Mao couldn't help but tickle Hisashi's soles some more. It would've been a crime if his beautiful feet weren't ticklish, but luckily there was plenty of sensitivity there to make him laugh.

"Mahahahao!"

"Oh, I didn't catch that, what did you say?" Mao asked playfully. Hisashi stared at him with that gorgeous smile.

"Plehehease! Staha-stpo hehehe! It tihihickles! No mohohore!"

He was begging, yes!!! Mao grinned like a fool. Hisashi was so cute!

"Ahahh!! It tickles - y-you win, alright? Now... get back over here," Hisashi panted. Mao couldn't deny he wanted the same. He climbed back on top of him and immediately crashed down with his lips on Hisashi's, kissing those lips that were smiling so beautifully mere seconds ago.

And for a moment he forgot the camera was still running. They made out - even when Hisashi was out of breath, he still managed to kiss Mao until he felt light in the head.

Though shaky and clumsy, in the middle of their kissing he managed to untie Hisashi's arms, and even though Hisashi's ankles were still tied to the bed, he had plenty of freedom to devour him now.

Mao felt how Hisashi pinned him down firmly, and for a moment he thought he was going to be really in for it now - that tickly revenge. But when they pulled apart and he noted the expression on his boyfriend's face, he gulped.

"I don't think I can hold back now. You've had your fun, now let me have mine," he said breathlessly. Mao's eyes widened, it had been a while since he saw that predator look on Hisashi's face, and he knew they were probably going to make love until dawn at least.

"I'm all yours," Mao said shyly, before entering the continuation of their blissful night together. And the camera? .... He was going to find out later that it was still running!