#and live many thousands of miles away
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iniziare · 9 months ago
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Tag drop: Guizhong (don't mind me re-dropping this with the fixed ones, shh)
#tag drop#[ guizhong. ] many things only seem to surface beneath the moon's poignant glow. wherever its light shines; the heart is wont to follow.#[ guizhong: ic. ] wherever her spirit may be among the countless grains of sand and specks of dust between the harbor and the mountains.#[ guizhong: inquiries. ] hmph. she always had a way with words.#[ guizhong: countenance. ] and because they are afraid; they try so hard to become more intelligent. this i understand.#[ guizhong: introspection. ] although she did not live to see the splendid sights of today: she was as much a hero as any other.#[ guizhong: etc. ] it took an elaborate treasure hunt to preserve the commandments that were once the lifeblood of a whole civilization.#[ guizhong: mortals. ] at their full potential; they could be her equal. a human who has as much to teach an adeptus as to learn from them.#[ guizhong: guili plains. ] as guizhong once said: “it takes every blade of grass and every flower to make a homeland.”#[ guizhong: liyue. ] perhaps she will look at the liyue of today and steal a smile when she sees the prosperous land that it has become.#[ guizhong: realm of clouds. ] a voyage to a sanguine sky.#[ guizhong: mechanical arts. ] in one's heart; i knew that she was indeed the superior talent in the mechanical arts.#[ guizhong: glaze lilies. ] they were far more abundant back then. entire fields would appear to the eye as a veritable sea of flowers.#[ guizhong: adepti. ] until the moon set and the sun rose. and only then would the banquet finally come to an end.#[ guizhong: morax. ] whoever it was that revered her so much was very clever indeed.#[ guizhong: morax. ] when our eyes meet; eternity is defined. [ delusionaid. ]#[ guizhong: xiao. ] if darkness comes; colors you with fear; be still and know that i'm with you and i will say your name. [ apocryphis. ]#[ guizhong: marchosius. ] who would dare snub the stove god and his wondrous creations? at the sight of him: we would drop any argument.#[ guizhong: streetward rambler. ] it almost felt like she was back again. sitting right there on the stone stool next to me; chatting away.#[ guizhong: cloud retainer. ] we each had our ideals; and neither one of us would yield to the other.#[ guizhong: osial. ] she would disrupt the silence around them with a hum; as if to sing to the harmony of the water. was this his song?#[ guizhong: sea gazer. ] he was quite the braggart when it came to those collectibles he was so fond of; he always loved to show them off.#[ guizhong: skybracer. ] to who lived by the mountain; he was their savior. in fact; they thought higher of him than the lord of geo.#[ guizhong: ganyu. ] if we planted flowers in the guili plains; do you think that one day we'd be able to recreate the sea of glaze lilies?#[ guizhong: v. descension. ] she descended whose dominion was over dust; and whose reach shrouded the skies for thousands of miles around.#[ guizhong: v. guili assembly. ] it's great to have it back but i want to go back to the world. and start with guili plains.#[ guizhong: v. archon war. ] they fought upon the plains; where black dust choked the heavens and a thousand rocks splintered.#[ guizhong: v. present. ] all wrapped up in a city that has existed for many moons to date. all these things: they are why people chase it.#[ guizhong: meta. ] her manuscripts lie unfinished in her abode. the blank pages give cause for contemplation on what might have been.
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lesbiansanemi · 10 months ago
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I don’t often think I’m upset at not having a good relationship with my parents but sometimes it really fucking hits me that I don’t have a good mom I don’t have a dad I’ll never experience having a good parent and someone I can lean on like that and I get… really upset
#I have this coworker who is about my mom’s age#I love her and she’s a wonderful person and she’s such a good parent to her kids#her autistic queer kids and she fights for them and defends them all the time#she values their interests and does things they love with them and supports their choices and jusy#ugh#today she gave me a hug because ‘it’s really seemed like I wasn’t doing okay’#and ‘I’ve been dealing with a lot of hard things and big life changes which she knows is really hard’#and I kinda teared up#my own parents don’t even know about everything that has happened with my roommate or the friends I’ve lost this year#I don’t tell them. and I could but it wouldn’t matter#my mother wouldn’t care. she definitely wouldn’t sympathize or give me a hug over it#she wouldn’t comfort me#my dad my try but he lives thousands of miles away#and I love my dad but I didn’t get to know him until I was 17#I don’t think he’s really like… a dad you know?#he’s more like some weird friend or MAYBE an uncle than anything#which is fine! I think it’s really the best we can do and like I said I do love him and I know he loves me#but it’s still… different than a parent you know?#and sometimes I just ache knowing I don’t get parents…#I don’t get that relationship that so many ppl have that’s so important to them#and it just doesn’t feel fair and makes me feel really sad#I’m glad I’m as independent as I am but even that doesn’t feel fair#I’ve lived on my own since I was 17…. I never should have had to do that anyways….#and I just feel sad because I got a hug from my coworker that made me want to sob#because it’s like damn… is this a teeny tiny taste of what having an actual good mom is like?#I missed out on so much….#kaz rambles
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supportgaza · 2 months ago
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Last Push for My Family's Fundraiser before the Temporary Ceasefire in Gaza: Help My Family Seize the Opportunity to Evacuate
Vetted by:
1. @el-shab-hussein and @nabulsi # 151 on the spreadsheet of Vetted Gaza Fundraisers List
2. @riding-with-the-wild-hunt Here.
From thousands of miles away in Ireland, I have watched my family endure unimaginable conditions of fear, displacement, hunger, and thirst in Gaza. It has robbed me of sleep, struck my heart with constant fear, and caused indescribable pain and agony.
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If this war has taught us Gazans anything, it's that Israel can never be trusted. Many Israeli officials and extremist ministers have already declared that this ceasefire is temporary and that the war will resume with even greater ferocity, raining missiles and bullets on Gaza once AGAIN!
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If this war has taught us Gazans anything, it's that Israel can never be trusted. Many Israeli officials and extremist ministers have already declared that this ceasefire is temporary and that the war will resume with even greater ferocity, raining missiles and bullets on Gaza once AGAIN!
Hearing about the devastating loss of friends and acquaintances who have lost their families chills me to the bone. I cannot fathom how one continues to live in this world without their family. What would life look like? How could there be any joy, meaning, or value left? I don't want to know, and I won't take any chances.
I am determined to evacuate my parents and sisters at the first opportunity a ceasefire is reached.
Please help by reblogging and boosting my final support post for my family's campaign. This upcoming temporary ceasefire might be their only chance to evacuate and survive. Time is critical. Please take action today to help my family find safety and rebuild their lives in Ireland.
As we inch closer to achieving our goal, I want to extend my heartfelt gratitude to you-friends of Gaza, friends of Palestine-for standing by us during this time of strife, fear, and agony. We are forever indebted to you.
Your support, even with just a click, can make a huge difference in the lives of people in desperate need. We pray that you and your loved ones will never have to endure the horrors of evacuation and war.
Please don't look away. Take action today.
Donate, reblog, and share with your friends.
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96z · 1 year ago
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the fact that so many peoples first response to seeing all these palestinian children orphaned is not ‘wow we should really do something to ensure these children live in a world where they don’t have to fear waking up to a bomb being dropped on their parents heads’ and instead is ‘oh em gee how can i adopt these children whose culture i have 0 knowledge of whatsoever and bring them to my homeland thousands of miles away, thereby thrusting them into another deeply traumatizing situation’ is actually kind of wild to me.
please be so serious …. they don’t want you adopting their children. you guys do realize that arabs have a deep sense of family and community right… even with 0 family members left there are still so many people who will step in and make sure those children are looked after. those kids don’t need rescuing from their homeland, they need their homeland to be safe so they can have yknow, a chance at life. they don’t need new families, they need for their families to not be murdered in the dead of the night. why don’t we work on that instead and drop the savior mindset please????? to do nothing towards the cause of palestinian freedom but offer to adopt their children is nuts.
ps. it would benefit a lot of people to do basic research and realize that the process of adoption into a lot of western countries serves to completely erase the identity of the child and also is not in line with the principles / general process of adoption in islam (which is the religion of a fair majority of these kids). ‘offering’ to take them from all they know is disrespectful enough without the consideration that in doing so you would completely be overstepping multiple rules and processes of their religion and culture.
none of us want any more kids to die but ‘save the children’ doesn’t mean the solution is to let anna from florida have them. it means the solution is to make sure they have a future where apartment buildings don’t fall over their heads while they sleep.
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crowofmidnightsworld · 30 days ago
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In your dreams | Caleb
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Caleb x female reader Type: Smut, almost no plot Synopsis: You and Caleb had fallen asleep in your bed, watching movies. In the middle of the night you wake up by something, or rather someone, rubbing against you. Warnings: MDNI, needy/desperate m, cursing, possessive m, finishing inside, love confession
Word Count: 2.4k
He couldn't take it anymore. It had started off so innocently. You and Caleb decided to spend the night in, watching movies, since it had been raining all day and there had been nothing else to do.
It had been a fun night, especially because you had recently started to trust Caleb more again. You're slowly letting him back in, but sometimes it truly felt like you couldn't live with or without him. He made your mind go crazy, because he wasn't your brother anymore and you were starting to doubt if he ever really was, confused about your feelings for him.
And now you're lying in front of him. His arms wrapped around your middle and you had felt so safe, that you dozed off. Unlike Caleb. He has been awake the entire time and relished the feeling of you lying in his arms. Pressed against him as tight as humanly possible and his mind couldn't stop going into overdrive. He had realised years ago that he had never seen you as his sister. At first it had scared him, because the thoughts he had had about you were something no brother would ever dare to think of his sister.
When those thoughts first entered his mind, he tried to distance himself from you but as soon as he noticed how much that had hurt you, he stopped, even if it had been torture for himself. Over time he started to justify his thoughts. His cravings. And he realised that he hadn't seen you as his sister, even when he was a young boy. You were like sunlight that had to be protected, and that's what he did. Especially when he realised how many people wanted to hurt you. He was content with killing anyone who dared lay their hands on you or even look in your direction. You were his. His obsession. His sunlight.
For the hundredth time tonight the smell of your coconut shampoo enters Caleb's nose and he can't stop himself from burying his face in your hair again. He hates that he feels like this about you, his mind and his feelings contradicting in every possible way, but as long as you don't know about it, he's content with how things currently are. Until you start talking and moving in your sleep.
At first a chuckle bubbled out of Caleb, trying to be as quiet as possible to not wake you up, but your words start to become more clear. An incoherent string of words like "Yes", "Right there" and even quiet moans coming out of your mouth fill the room, and Caleb immediately goes rigid. He can't believe what he's hearing right now, not sure how to deal with this situation, but then you push your hips against his. And you say his name. His name.
Every colour in Caleb's face drains, his mind going a thousand miles an hour, when he notices that familiar feeling of his pants tightening around him. Fuck. His first thought is to pull away from you a little bit, but the second he moves even an inch away from you, he hears you whining in protest and he immediately stops. Caleb's heart is about to burst out of his chest, because that's what he had been imaginging almost every night. Every night he was alone at Skyhaven with his cock fucking into his fist, or even back when he was training to become a pilot.
Only a few seconds later he realises that he has started grinding his hardness against you, needing to feel that friction. Needing to feel you. Does he feel bad about it? Yes. But you're making all these pretty sounds and you're saying his name, so he tries to justify his actions with that. He nuzzles his face into your shoulder, slowly moving one of his hands under your shirt. The need to feel your skin, to feel you, overpowering his rational thoughts.
And that's when you start to wake up. At first you think you're still dreaming and you feel this pang of guilt. You always felt it when you had these dreams about Caleb, but they just wouldn't stop. Too afraid to deal with those feelings, you never really tried to think about what you truly felt for him. And you are so scared of losing Caleb, if he ever found out about this.
The grogginess of sleep slowly lifts from your brain and that's when you feel it. Strangely the feeling of someone grinding against you, touching you, doesn't leave and you're completely confused. Until you hear the shaky breaths of Caleb so close to your ear. Your face instantly feels like it's on fire, considering how good his movements make you feel. And you hate yourself for a second for wanting him to keep touching you. Feeling the need to let him know that you're awake, that you know what he's doing, you finally speak up. "Caleb?".
Caleb hears you but he's already too far gone. His grip on your stomach only tightens and his mind is at war. He should stop, he knows that, but then again, he has been waiting for this for so long. "Please...Please...Just this once, Pipsqueak". The sound of his whiny voice, begging you to let him continue, almost makes you dizzy and now your entire body feels like it's on fire. Caleb is still grinding against you and from that alone you just know he's packing. He just makes you feel good and you honestly don't want him to stop. That's why you gently grab his hand that has been under your shirt for a while now and you guide it up to your chest. That's your answer.
As soon as Caleb realises that you're allowing him to keep going, that you actually want this, he feels like his brain is about to explode. The soft and warm skin under his hand feels so right and he immediately notices the hard nipple, brushing against it. "Fuck, you really want this, huh?". Now his lips are brushing over your shoulder and the slight growl in his voice makes something deep inside you tighten. If he only knew for how long you've been cravingthis.
Caleb's lips feel so soft on your shoulder and you move your head a bit to the side, just to give him more room to play with, which he immediateyl takes advantage of. His lips trail over your shoulder to your neck and he gently starts to suck on that sweet spot, drawing more of those sweet sounds out of you. The sound of rain pattering against your bedroom window disappears, drowned out by your quiet gasps and by Caleb's erratic breathing.
Everything about this situation is overwhelming you, but you need even more. You need to feel him. That's why you grab his hand again, with which he's currently gently flicking his fingers against your hard nipple. "Don't make me stop... I can't...". He sounds even more desperate than before, biting into your shoulder to make you stop, as his hips start to grind against you even harder, but you have other plans. "I won't. I just need you to...". Not being able to finish your sentence, a small part of you still feeling like what you're doing with Caleb is wrong, you wordlessly guide Caleb's hand down to the hem of your shorts.
For a second Caleb stops everything. With a tight grip on the hem of your shorts, he's now just breathing against your neck and you can feel his heart hammering against your back. He won't stop. He knows that, but he also knows that once you two cross that line, it'll never be as it was. Your heart also feels like it's about to jump out of your chest, the mixture of anticipation and need making your own breath speed up. And that's when Caleb slowly pulls down your shorts. His fingers are grabbing your shorts and panties at the same time and suddenly you find yourself lying in your bed with Caleb behind you, completely bare. Never in a million years did you think inviting Caleb to a movie night would end up like this, but you're so glad that you did it.
Moving his hand away from you, you can hear Caleb pulling down his own pants and before you can even feel his cock anywhere near you, that intense feeling in your middle grows stronger. Before you can think about what you two are about to do, Caleb pushes his hard cock in between your thighs and he can only growl, when he feels how wet you are. How your slickness is already covering him and his hand quickly moves to your hip, holding on tight. "Tell me, Pipsqueak. What were you dreaming of?". That question alone makes your face heat up again, but at the same time only whiny sounds leave your lips. He feels so good against you, rubbing his tip against your pussy at such a fast pace, hitting your clit with it every time. How could you tell him that you had been dreaming of that one night a few years ago, when you two kissed. That you wished he would've done more that night?
"How long have you been dreaming of me like that? For how long have you wanted to be mine?". He just won't stop. Caleb had always loved teasing you but now is not the time for this. All you want is for him to take you. To finally still that hunger you've felt for him for years now. You simply start to grind against his hard cock, willing him to accidentally slip inside, but Caleb's hold on your hip just tightens. Holding you in place. Another whine escapes your lips, but Caleb doesn't chuckle. He is just as much of a needy mess as you are right now, but that doesn't stop him from teasing you. His breath feels hot against your ear, making a shiver go down your spine and it's the most infuriating yet delicious feeling you've ever felt.
"Because I've been wanting to do this for years.". Without any other warning, Caleb finally pushes the tip of his cock into you, not entering you completely yet. A loud groan rumbles through Caleb's chest and all you can do is throw your head back a little bit, moaning. He only has his tip in you and yet you already know that he's big. Just like you knew he would be from the beginning. After a few seconds of letting you adjust, Caleb continues pushing into you in the most agonizing, slow way, as his teeth sink into your shoulder again. Rolling back your eyes at that sensation, feeling Caleb inside you to the hilt, you take in a deep breath.
After a few seconds of letting you adjust and kissing your neck again, Caleb starts to move. His thrusts are slow at first and it feels so good. Way better than it has ever been in your dreams. "Imagine how many times I had to fuck myself in the past years because of you.". Caleb knows exactly what he's doing with his words and you know he's saying it now to get a reaction out of you. Despite not wanting to give in so easily, you start to clench around Caleb's cock, earning a haughty chuckle from him. He's filling you out completely, drawing more moans out of you but it's not enough for him. "You really had no idea how much I wanted to fuck you, make you mine, all these years...".
His thrusts become faster after this. In this moment Caleb can't be the sweet boy for you. He need you to know that you're his and only his. That you always have been his, even though you didn't know it. The sound of your skin slapping against his, satisfying something primal in Caleb and he's just pistoning in and out of you. Your moaning and whining gets louder in response to that, since Caleb is also hitting that sweet spot over and over again. You definitely can't think straight anymore. All you know is that this is right. This is where you're supposed to be.
With how fast and rough Caleb is pounding you, you feel that familiar sensation of your impending orgasm, and from how Caleb is groaning and breathing against your ear, you know that he must be close too. "Caleb, please... Finish inside". For a second Caleb has to force himself to keep moving, even though his brain is short circuiting right now. He has been wanting to fill you up with his seed from the beginning, but he never would've thought that you'd allow it or even beg him to do this. Something snaps inside him and somehow he manages to pound into you even harder. His grip on your hip tightens even more, sure to leave marks on you, but you don't mind.
After a few more thrusts, you finally feel that tight knot deep inside you breaking, and you cum like you've never done before. Starting to see white spots in front of your eyes out of pure pleasure, you throw your head back even more, your eyes rolling back. Your entire body is shaking, as you scream out his name and your pussy starts to clench around Caleb's cock. And that's it for him. "Oh fuck, I love you.". Groaning out those words, Caleb spills his seed inside you and he repeats those three words over and over again. You can feel him twitching inside you, as he fills you up and you feel like you could come again, just because of his confession.
Ever so slowly Caleb's thrusts slow down until he isn't moving anymore, but he stays buried inside you. His sweat covered forehead rests against your shoulder and you're both trying to catch your breaths. You have never felt like this for someone before and you realise that you don't want to anyways. If you could you would stay here with Caleb forever. Never letting him go again. "Did you just say you love me?". Your question is exactly what Caleb expected but he doesn't mind. His breath is still heavy as he gently kisses your shoulder again. "Mhmm, I've loved you for years, Pipsqueak.".
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atavist · 7 months ago
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Layan Albaz is one of thousands of Palestinian children who had lost limbs in Israeli air strikes since October 7—and one of the very few evacuated to the U.S. for medical care. 
The new Atavist story, COMING TO AMERICA, is now live, and also available in Arabic:
The average U.S. public school has about 550 students. Imagine eight or nine schools in an area roughly the size of Philadelphia where every kid is missing at least one limb. Imagine also that their amputations happened alongside a torrent of other tragedies: the loss of family members, friends, neighbors, schools, houses.
Now imagine that the only hope to reclaim some semblance of physical normalcy required those children to leave home. Gaza’s sole manufacturer of prosthetics and its affiliated rehabilitation center were destroyed in an air strike months ago; as a result, many families of children who have lost limbs are trying to evacuate them so they can receive medical care abroad. Social media is brimming with their desperate pleas, and only a few get what amounts to a lucky ticket for the mortally unlucky: Countries willing to take pediatric amputees from Gaza are doing so in relatively small numbers.
The kids who do find a way out board planes for distant places. In Layan’s case, that place was more than 6,000 miles away from everything and everyone she knew.
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trollprincess · 5 months ago
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So I have a friend from high school who is a cop. (Yes, I KNOW.) I shared a photo on Facebook of a packed highway of people attempting to evacuate from Hurricane Milton, all while the lanes going in the opposite direction were open and empty. And my Facebook post was basically me screaming, “Open the other side of the highway and reverse it so that people can GET OUT.”
His response was essentially, “Yeah, that is *really* difficult for us to do.” Not in a condescending way, because he genuinely isn’t a huge asshole. (Yes, I KNOW.)
And then I may have vented in my response, in which I tried not to imply that the police were a problem. Because to be honest, I don’t see this as a police problem. I see this as how we have fucked ourselves as a nation by making ourselves so dependent on cars.
There is that poll on this site – or multiple polls, at this point – asking how long people can tolerate being in their cars. And the thing is, Americans (and Canadians as well, I am imagining) have almost no other options. We have to be used to spending a good 12 hours in a car without breaking a sweat. Everything in this country is built around being in a car. There’s a reason when you ask us how far away a place is from somewhere else, we normally give that distance in hours and not miles.
Air travel sucks. It sucks for a multitude of reasons – cost, the hassle of dealing with security, the time suck, etc. – and in an emergency, only a select few are going to be able to use it to get away from a hurricane. And that’s one of the few disasters where air travel is an optional escape.
Train travel sucks. Amtrak is not something you’re gonna be complaining about if you’re trying to get away from whatever disaster you need to evacuate from. But next to so many other countries, Amtrak looks like we’ve been receiving other countries’s leftover railway systems from the 70s. It also doesn’t go everywhere. I live in northeastern Pennsylvania near Scranton, which prides itself on its history in the train industry. We have a museum and everything. We have multiple things named after that museum, including the Steamtown marathon which is happening tomorrow.
Can you get on a passenger train in Scranton? Nope.
(The main argument against this always seems to be that people will come here from New York City and commit crimes, which is hilarious considering if somebody wanted to come here from New York City and commit crimes it’s only a 2.5-hour drive.)
Anyway, disasters.
If the only option you’re gonna give most people to get out of areas of Florida that are being targeted by hurricanes or areas of California that suffer from wildfires or places in the Midwest that face flooding are cars, then we need a better fucking emergency management system regarding transportation in this country. You can’t just sit there and mock people for not evacuating because they can’t or won’t when getting away from Milton meant sitting on highway for hours with absolutely no gas stations whatsoever nearby having any gas at all. (It just makes me think of those photos of people stranded on the highway in their cars in blizzards where people are like, “Now imagine imagine how bad it would be if all of those cars were electric!“ Well, all of those cars in that photo in that blizzard run on gas and they’re fucking stranded, sooooooo.)
Look, we can change the transportation system in this country. we did it before and we can do it again. We used to have more train options, fewer highways. My small hometown had a fucking trolley in the 40s. Now, if you don’t have a car here, you’re stuck. You can’t even get Uber here. if a wildfire started here and surrounded the town, it would be a clusterfuck.
Regardless of how you feel about the police, if police and fire departments in this country cannot organize an evacuation on a highway in a way that will reduce the backup so that tens of thousands of people aren’t sitting in their cars when a hurricane hits, that’s a problem – not just for those people, but for the police, and the fire department, and emergency management in general.
The people in charge of emergency management are just people, just human. I’m researching the Camp Fire in 2018 right now, and you had a bunch of people calling 911 saying, “I can see a huge fire off to the east. Are we safe? Should we evacuate?” The 911 operators could only work off the information they had. They could have told people to evacuate earlier, but Cal Fire didn’t anticipate the strength of the fire. Which is understandable. Nobody could anticipate the strength of that fire. But the 911 operators were sitting in an office with no windows, and they had no idea what was going on the east. They couldn’t look out and see exactly what was happening. If they could have, they probably would have told people to leave as soon as possible much sooner than they were told to. Instead, they waited for official confirmation, and when they did start telling people to evacuate, traffic managed to back up in a small town of 25,000 people until many of them were trapped in an unimaginable hellscape.
When people need to evacuate from a disaster, and they stay instead, far too many people - including those in positions of power – just kind of wave their hands and say, “Well, we tried.” No, we didn’t. This country made not trying its watchword, and now we’re at a point where unless you own a car, which is a luxury a lot of people cannot afford in this economy, escaping from disaster is impossible. So you can get in your car or somebody else’s car and go sit on a highway and hope your gas doesn’t run out, since none of the gas stations for 100 miles have any gas to give you, or you can stay in your house and hope you don’t die.
Sometimes, I really wish somebody would make me the head of the department of transportation. I would demand an absurd amount of money to build a better train system, to provide better transportation options for smaller towns, to provide extensive training for rescue personnel in managing evacuations like the clusterfuck in Florida this week. I would become an absolute fucking nuisance to Congress. I would be asking for money left and right to make it so that our only options as Americans weren’t to get into cars we can barely afford these days and attempt to organize our own evacuations from the growing number of natural disasters in this country.
Y’all keep posting these polls about how long you can tolerate being in a car at the same time that tens of thousands of Floridians were sitting on highways trying to get away from Tampa so they wouldn’t die in a hurricane.
We can tolerate being in a car all goddamn day. It’s because we don’t have a fucking choice, even when it’s life or death.
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astonmartinii · 3 months ago
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day four: rock(ette)ing around the christmas tree
pairing: pierre gasly x fem rockette reader
high kicks this, high kicks that, pierre is ready to kick off because his job is getting in the way of his festive wag duties
MASTERLIST | TIP JAR
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yourusername
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liked by pierregasly, charles_leclerc and 238,044 others
yourusername: back in the concrete jungle wet dream tomato for another round of rockette duty !!!
view all comments
user1: how does it feel to live my dream
user2: its not fair that 1. she’s a literal rockette 2. looks like that and 3. is with a whole ass f1 driver ???
user3: everyone saying that she’s lucky to be with him but have we considered that he’s massively batting above his league?
user4: real …. i hope their babies have her hairline
pierregasly: HUH???
yukitsunoda0511: i make sure to remind him everyday 🫶🏻
user5: obsessed with yuki’s need to humble pierre all the time
yukitsunoda0511: he bagged a queen and has made it everyone else’s problem since
yourusername: can you blame him?
pierregasly: don’t answer that yuki
charles_leclerc: please please please come back right now this whiny french man won’t shut up
yourusername: … it’s my job
charles_leclerc: well i’d also argue that wrangling this oversized puppy with attachment issues is also your job
yourusername: no it’s my passion! there’s a difference
pierregasly: seeeeeee !!!! i am loved :(
yourusername: you are! but please cool it on the texts, i got so many going through the TSA that they thought i had a vibrator in my carry on 😭
pierregasly: WITHOUT ME?
yourusername: babe can we not read?
pierregasly: oh! lol i was ready to fight the world of battery operated sex toys
estebanocon: you need help
pierregasly: LEAVE ME ALONE
user6: smile guys i think we’re in the original
user7: bro is crashing out
user8: tbf i’d give my left ball to have a chance with y/n
pierregasly: i will castrate you for free if you even think about her!
yourusername: so romantic <3
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pierregasly
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liked by charles_leclerc, yukitsunoda0511 and 524,087 others
tagged: yourusername
pierregasly: engine failures got me missing my girl :(
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user10: my one dream this christmas is to get a man this in love with me
user11: really waiting for my grapes to kick in
user12: any second now i swear...
yourusername: mine took three years to come true so hang on
pierregasly: as if i wasn't manifesting you
yukitsunoda0511: bro retired but still hasn't caused any damage this year damn
pierregasly: told them to give me the projected damages for the season as a bonus so i could treat my girl
yukitsunoda0511: ... and nothing for the guy who is actually at all of the races ???
pierregasly: that is your job?
yukitsunoda0511: and i just comfort you after the races for the love of the game?
pierregasly: yes?
yukitsunoda0511: well it looks like i'll be looking for a new boyfriend this christmas
yourusername: what the hell, sure
user13: y/n just giving up against yukierre
yourusername: sometimes you gotta just sit back and let them get it out
yourusername: and also i do actually get invited to pierre's house in milan (i do also live there)
yukitsunoda0511: THAT IS A SORE SUBJECT Y/N WHY WOULD YOU GO THERE
yourusername: you're calling my boyfriend your boyfriend in public instagram comments?
yukitsunoda0511: PLEASE STAY IN NEW YORK FOREVER
pierregasly: yuki ???
yourusername: that's not very christmas spirit of you yuki
user14: y/n is thousands of miles away but still pulled into the scraps
pierregasly: i'm glad she loves me and puts up with it
yukitsunoda0511: why are you both being so mean to me today :(
yourusername: it's the christmas presents that keep me around (jokes, OBVIOUSLY)
charles_leclerc
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liked by yourusername, yukitsunoda0511 and 2,109,778 others
tagged: pierregasly, danielricciardo & landonorris
charles_leclerc: i've stolen his phone so he won't see this but @yourusername he's scarily easy to kidnap
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user15: so we're on kidnap now... i think the season needs to finish now
user16: no we gotta see how far they are taking it
user17: there's no race in qatar because half of the grid have been arrested lol
francocolapinto: please manifest it i need one of their seats
user18: so real
charles_leclerc: i hate to break it to you franco but you're also on the plane
francocolapinto: don't be dumb charles, i know that, i'm just too pretty to go to jail
charles_leclerc: if anyone is too pretty to go to jail on this AIRPLANE IT IS ME NOW PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN PIERRE IS GETTING SUSPICIOUS
user19: FRANCO IS THERE?
user20: are they all there ???
maxverstappen1: when all is done i don't wanna hear from ANY of them that i don't do anything for them
charles_leclerc: sorry good sir but not all of us have a private jet we can use at the drop of a hat
maxverstappen1: oh i know, i will just hold this over all of you (especially pierre) for as long as i can
charles_leclerc: it's pierre's surprise, why would you hold it against him
maxverstappen1: because i can 👌
yourusername: so on a scale of 1 - 10 how worried should i actually be?
maxverstappen1: very.
charles_leclerc: MAX
charles_leclerc: all is under control y/n do not worry
yourusername: i gotta go warm up for my show tonight i better not finish the show to news reports that my boyfriend is dead
charles_leclerc: he will be alive!
yourusername: and well?
charles_leclerc: i don't want to make that guarantee
yourusername: EXCUSE ME?
charles_leclerc: what? my lawyers told me to never make promises i can't 100% deliver on?
yourusername: well consider me worried
user21: they're defo doing what we think they're doing right
oscarpiastri: if you've got more than two brain cells and the ability to read context cues you will know, it's not the craziest surprise ever
charles_leclerc: we're not in a country rn, maritime laws and all that - THINK
user22: .... riiiiiiiiiiiiight
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yukitsunoda0511
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liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1 and 489,205 others
tagged: pierregasly & yourusername
yukitsunoda0511: using this love sick fool as an excuse to visit new york
view all comments
user24: they took him to nyc to see y/n !!! that's so cute i can't
user25: are they going to go to y/n's show ???
maxverstappen1: they weren't allowed my jet without the assurance that we were going to that damn show
yourusername: you were very happy to see me as someone who recently publicly told me to stay in nyc forever ...
yukitsuonda0511: obviously i said that so we could come visit you !!!
yukitsunoda0511: it was all a part of the plan
charles_leclerc: ummmm you had no part of the plan
yukitsunoda0511: i clearly seduced pierre into not asking questions
yourusername: you're very close to successfully seducing my foot to your ass
yukitsunoda0511: pierre !!!!!!!!!!!!
pierregasly: i am not helping you here bro
user26: someone get yuki a girlfriend before he gets his ass high kicked out of radio city
yukitsunoda0511: at this point i am just doing it to annoy them
yourusername: whatever you want to tell yourself girlypop
yukitsunoda0511: you're just scared that i'd look better than you in the costumes
yourusername: oh really?
pierregasly: okay girls there's enough pierre to go around
pierregasly: but it is all going to y/n, sorry yuki
yukitsunoda0511: you're scared you'll find things out about yourself
pierregasly: is it time to go home yet y/n ???
user27: fuck george vs max i need y/n vs yuki
user28: instead of crash threats it's just yuki threatening to steal rockette outfits
user29: surely there's someone who can make this happen? @f1 @yourusername
yourusername: noooooooo chance
yukitsunoda0511: cough, cough SCARED
yourusername
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liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen and 303,277 others
tagged: pierregasly
yourusername: heard my frenchie missed me <3
view all comments
user30: my god they're so cute
user31: i love when a man is so shameless about his love
user32: the matching outfits !!!!!!!
charles_leclerc: thanks charles!
charles_leclerc: you're a great friend
charles_leclerc: you're an amazing person who knows us so well and DOESN'T try and seduce one of us
charles_leclerc: how can we ever repay you
charles_leclerc: oh well, no worries guys i love you
yourusername: nurse he's out again
charles_leclerc: i'm giving you ten seconds before i lose my shit
yourusername: i jest !!! thank you for bringing my lover boy to me charles
pierregasly: thank you charlooooo i guess all my complaining was worth it, i'll make sure to keep it up
charles_leclerc: no no no no no no no No No No NO NO NO NO
user33: charles got major friend points for reuniting them (after like a week away from each other lol) and now will be stuck with pierre complaining full time
alexalbon: and this kids, is why we're not nice to each other
user34: the grid being so done with pierre is so funny
charles_leclerc: the change from him being a slut to a lover boy is too much for my head
pierregasly: can we tell radio city to push back your performances to the second week of december so we don't have to be apart
yourusername: babe i don't think i'm important enough to be making those kind of demands
pierregasly: I THINK YOU'RE IMPORTANT ENOUGH
yourusername: thank you baby but being a rockette is my dream so you'll have to deal with a couple weeks without me
pierregasly: so you don't miss me :(
yourusername: you're on my mind all the time, i love you xx
pierregasly: i love you more xx
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pierregasly
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liked by charles_leclerc, lewishamilton and 673,298 others
tagged: yourusername
pierregasly: only two more races until i can become a full time christmas wag xx
view all comments
user37: the grid are so cute 🥰
user38: the way y/n's dressing room was full of flowers omg she's so loved
user39: the videos of them just being flabbergasted by the show, so personal to me
yourusername: thank you all for coming to see the show !! i promise everyone else were a lot less chill about you guys being there than they let off
pierregasly: no thank YOU for being the star you are 🌟
yourusername: ugh i love you so much
yourusername: are qatar and abu dhabi really that important?
pierregasly: unfortunately they are :( (i am also contractually obligated to be there)
yourusername: boooooooooooooo
alpinef1: but we're paying him to buy you christmas presents
yourusername: ... okay i guess
user40: christmas came early with all this grid content
user41: this is what i wanted from drive to survive not the fabricated drama
yukitsunoda0511: although i still think i'd look better in the costumes... i don't think i'd slay the high kicks like you y/n :(
yourusername: i'll take it !
yukitsunoda0511: but you guys will let me come to the milan house in the new year right?
yourusername: you'll have to ask pierre ...
yukitsunoda0511: PIERRE PLEASE
pierregasly: i guess... only if you stop saying you're prettier than my girlfriend. NO ONE IS PRETTIER THAN HER
yourusername: that's crazy coming from the handsomest man in the world
charles_leclerc: let's not get too crazy here y/n
yourusername: look who isn't getting a christmas present this year now ...
charles_leclerc: i mean last year you gave me a "this candle smells like max verstappen" and a max cardboard cutout
maxverstappen1: sounds like a great gift to me ...
pierregasly: well the presents she gets me are great
charles_leclerc: i don't want to know about those presents
user42: even christmas isn't free from them being horn dogs
yourusername: why do you think i learnt to high kick babe ....
charles_leclerc: shut THE FUCK UP
pierregasly: heheheheeh
fin.
note: oh gosh it's been a busy busy busy week. i haven't written for pierre for like a year lol - enjoy!
709 notes · View notes
supernovafics · 4 months ago
Text
𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓
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"i'll be there for you" universe masterlist
pairing: bestfriend!roommate!steve harrington x fem!reader
word count: 2.7k words
warnings: explicit language, alcohol consumption, jealous!reader, a bit of angst, fluff
summary: in which you don’t expect to feel so bothered seeing steve talk to another girl, but you do 
author's note: this was unfinished for months and i finally felt inspired to actually finish it thank god. i'm trying to slowly get back into writing stuff for this series so enjoy this for now<333
general note: everything in this universe/series can be read as standalone oneshots but to understand the full “lore” it would prob be best to read the other stuff too<333
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
Summer 1986
When you first heard about the party, you didn’t think too much about it because your Friday night plans were already settled. A simple movie night in your living room with Steve featuring some of the new arrivals that had just gotten to Family Video. However, you still nodded and said a quick, “Maybe I’ll check it out” to your college friend when she told you about her party and you got the address from her too out of niceness. 
It wasn’t until you half-mentioned the party to Robin as you picked through the new arrivals cart during the final hour of her and Steve’s shift that going actually became a possibility. 
“Wait, what? A party at a lake house sounds perfect. We have to go.”
Steve was quick to look up from the computer and shake his head at her words. “No way. We already have plans for the night, Robs.”
The eye roll he received in response was immediate. “You two can waste away on the couch any night you want. Tonight we should go to a party.”
You considered her words and nodded after a second. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“Thank you,” She smiled at you before looking back at Steve. “And you need to remember that I’m only gonna be here for a few more weeks, so we need to do as much stupid shit as we can while I am still here.”
You playfully rolled your eyes at her words. “Okay, you can’t keep using the college card like it’s an ‘I only have two weeks left to live’ card.”
“I second that,” Steve agreed. “Also, you keep making it seem like you’re going thousands of miles away. You’re only gonna be an hour away from here.”
“Yeah, well, still, things are changing,” She told you both. “And I wanna have fun before I leave.”
Fun ended up being an understatement. 
Barely an hour into the party she was drunk due to one too many cupfuls of whatever punch concoction had been thrown together and put in a big bowl in the kitchen. You and Steve shared one cup of the weirdly sweet drink and then decided to simply settle into the role of babysitting Robin. 
You both were currently lingering by a wall and watching as Robin danced with all of the other people crowded in the living room; you vaguely recognized the ABBA song playing. You made a mental note to tell her no if she came running over to you and Steve and proposed the idea of getting another drink. 
“This is your fault, you know,” Steve told you, leaning into your ear to be heard over the music. “If you didn’t mention the party to her earlier, you and I would be on the couch watching a movie and eating takeout from Third Street.” 
You gave him a sad look coupled with a pouty lip and he immediately felt bad, taking your look to heart. He quickly leaned in to apologetically kiss you. 
“Sorry,” He mumbled against your lips. 
You were smiling as he pulled away. “You’re too easy.”
He immediately rolled his eyes at you and playfully poked your side, which made you laugh. “And you’re very evil.”
“Sorry, I had to,” You said and initiated the quick kiss that time around. “Anyway, yes, I know this is my fault and I’d kill to have Third Street right now, but look how happy she is.” You gestured in the direction of where Robin was in the packed living room, dancing with all of the other people who you were convinced were at least half-drunk, but you now couldn’t see her. “Wait, shit, where did she go?” 
Steve looked around for a second too and then let out a sigh when he also couldn’t spot her. Maybe you two weren’t the best babysitters after all. 
“Okay, I’ll check upstairs and you look around down here,” You said to him. “Oh, and maybe grab some water too. She’ll probably need it sooner rather than later.” 
Steve gave you a quick nod. “Okay.” 
You checked every room upstairs and instead of finding Robin you accidentally interrupted one too many couples making out. After quickly peeking into the last room and mumbling out another “Oops, sorry,” you headed back down the stairs, hoping Steve had better luck than you. You noticed him in the kitchen, two water bottles in hand, and talking to someone who wasn’t Robin but you immediately recognized. 
Vanessa. A girl who was in one of your classes last semester and had gone on a handful of dates with Steve at the end of last year. 
It was hard to decipher what they were talking about right then, but Steve had a small smile on his face and so did she. 
You couldn’t recognize why— or maybe you just refused to admit it right then— but you felt the sudden urge to insert yourself into the conversation; sidle up next to Steve, grab his hand and wrap his arm around you, kiss his cheek or simply plant one on his mouth. Essentially mark your territory for everyone, especially Vanessa, to see. But, you were way too sober to actually consider doing any of that, so you instead looked away from him and went back to searching for Robin.
You found her moments later, sitting on the chair swing on the front porch of the house. 
“Hey, Robs, what are you doing out here?” You asked softly as you sat down next to her, trying not to move the swing too much but that proved to be a lot harder than you thought.
Robin didn’t seem to mind, though. Her eyes were closed as she shrugged at your question. “Just wanted some fresh air.”
“Makes sense,” You nodded. “How are you feeling?”
“Good,” Her eyes stayed shut as she answered you. “Sleepy, but at the same time I kinda wanna get another drink and dance some more.” 
“I’ll allow the dancing, but I need to be a good babysitter right now and say no more drinking.” 
She gave you a quick nod. “The logical side of me knows you’re right.” 
Things got quiet for a second and in that moment of quiet you thought about Steve and Vanessa in the kitchen. It seemed as if all your brain wanted to do right then was play that moment on repeat. You could inwardly admit that the conversation had looked completely innocent and probably quite literally meant nothing, but for some reason, it still bothered you.
“A part of me wishes I got drunk with you,” You said to Robin with a sigh and leaned back into the chair. 
She smiled at that and looked at you. “You definitely still can.” 
Before you could answer, you heard the front door open and subsequently close, and then Steve’s voice filled the brief quiet. “Good. You found her.” 
He handed one of the water bottles he was holding over to you. “I grabbed one for you too.” 
He the. placed the other bottle in Robin’s lap and she gave him a small smile. “Thanks, dingus.”  
If the circumstances were different and your thoughts weren’t confused and scattered, you would’ve shifted over a bit and made room for Steve on the small chair swing, and a random conversation would’ve played out for the next few minutes before you or he suggested leaving. But things weren’t different, so you didn’t.
Steve didn’t think too much of it, though. Instead, he simply asked, “Should we head out?”
You nodded, finally meeting his eyes. “Yeah.” 
He looked at Robin. “We’re taking you to our place, right?”
“Yes, please,” She answered, smiling. “You guys are great babysitters.”
She shut her eyes again and Steve looked at you, giving you a smile and you were quick to force one back. It was then that you could tell that he knew something was up with you because of the look he gave you in response to your forced smile, but he didn’t get to ask you what was going on because Robin was abruptly standing up and asking which way the car was. 
It wasn’t until you all were finally in Steve’s car and driving away from the party— Robin fell asleep in the backseat almost immediately— that he finally asked.
“What’s wrong?” 
You let the question linger in the air for a bit— keeping your eyes focused out the window and letting your fingers mindlessly fiddle with the zipper of your jacket— before you answered him. 
“I don’t know…” You mumbled with a shrug and then you sighed and shook your head. “Actually, I do know, but it’s dumb. It’s stupid.” 
His right hand moved off of the steering wheel and found one of yours. “You can tell me.”
You knew he was right, but that didn’t make being a thousand percent honest feel any easier in this moment. 
“Vanessa was at the party,” You ultimately said, figuring that would be the easiest way to start the conversation.
Steve nodded. “Yeah, we talked for a second.”
“Yeah, I saw,” You said and wanted to end the conversation there, but you knew that you couldn’t. “It kinda annoyed me a bit.” 
“What do you mean?” Steve asked, taking a quick look at you.
“I don’t know…” You sighed again. “Just seeing you guys talking was a little annoying, I guess.”
Things got quiet for a second, and that managed to make you get even more inside your head. Maybe Steve thought you were insane or he was even mad at you for feeling this way. This was entirely unchartered territory between you two, so you weren’t entirely sure what his reaction would be. 
“Oh,” Steve said as if he was realizing something and then smiled a bit. “You were jealous.” 
You immediately rolled your eyes. “Don’t say it like that.”
“Like what?”
You used your free hand to gesture to his face. “With that smile on your face.”
“I think it’s cute that you were jealous,” He told you, pulling your intertwined hands up to his lips so that he could kiss the back of yours.
You shook your head. “No, it’s not.”
“It really is,” Steve said and you decided not to protest him that time around, looking out the window again. 
“I love you, by the way,” He continued. “Just in case you forgot.” 
That managed to finally get a smile out of you.  
“I did forget, actually. Thank you for the reminder,” You joked and then turned to look at him. “I love you too.” 
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
Guiding a half-awake Robin from the car to your and Steve’s apartment was a feat in itself, but it somehow worked out. You two helped Robin into your bed instead of letting her take the couch and then you set a glass of water and ibuprofen on the nightstand because you had a feeling she’d need it in the morning. 
You changed into your pajamas in Steve’s room, which simply consisted of a t-shirt that you had long ago stolen from Steve and a pair of shorts, and then both you and him settled into his bed. 
He had fallen asleep pretty quickly and you thought, or more so hoped, that you would find sleep easily too, but instead, you tossed and turned in bed because you couldn’t seem to shut off your mind. You weren’t entirely sure why you were still feeling a little sulky and weird about everything— Steve didn’t care and he wasn’t upset with you for feeling jealous— but there was something still nagging at the back of your head about the whole thing.
“I know what you’re thinking right now,” You heard Steve sleepily mumble after what felt like an hour of you trying but failing to force yourself to sleep but it was probably only twenty minutes. His arm circled around your waist and he pulled you back against him. “And you should stop it.” 
The fact that he could easily read your mind wasn’t surprising and it was probably the only thing that made you feel a little bit okay and made you want to at least attempt to verbalize the thoughts that had been running through your head. 
“I just hate being like this. It feels so— I don’t know…” You were then squeezing your eyes shut and pressing your face into the pillow as you admitted, “When I saw you and her talking I really wanted to just go up and kiss you in front of her, so that she knew that we’re together and you’re mine.”
“Mm, you should’ve done that,” He mumbled into your neck. “That would’ve been really hot.”  
You finally turned on your side to face him. “Shut up. I don’t know why I just admitted that, honestly. I told you this was stupid.” 
“Don't feel embarrassed about it,” He said, somehow managing to sum it all up perfectly; you were feeling embarrassed. “This happens to me all the time.” 
You laughed a little. “You don’t have to lie to try and make me feel better about how dumb I'm being.”
“I’m serious,” He told you. “Remember last Thursday when you came to Family Video during the last hour of mine and Robin’s shift?”
When you gave him a quick nod in response, he continued. “I was so annoyed watching you talk to that one guy.”
At first, you weren’t sure what guy he was talking about, but then it hit you. It had been the all too familiar situation where someone thought that you also worked at the store because you were the only one standing behind the counter since both Robin and Steve were stocking shelves. But even after you told this guy that you actually didn’t work there, he kept the conversation going and you laughed and smiled along for a bit to be nice before making up some excuse and retreating to the break room for the rest of Steve and Robin’s shift. 
Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “You didn’t seem annoyed at all, and we didn’t even talk about it.”
“Yeah, because for like two minutes I felt jealous, but then I remembered that I’m the one you’re with and nothing could change that— especially not some random blonde guy— so…” Steve trailed off with a shrug and smile.  
As if flicking a light switch, his words changed everything for you. Once again, he was right; there was nothing that could change what you two had. 
“And just so you know,” He continued, voice soft and quiet. “I always feel embarrassed and stupid about it after it happens too.”
You were smiling as you kissed him then, closing the small bit of distance between you two and finding his lips in the darkness that consumed his room. 
“I can’t believe you’re turning out to be the rational one out of the two of us,” You joked when you pulled back from the kiss and proceeded to bury your face into his neck and completely entangle your body with his. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” He whispered back and pressed the softest kiss to your shoulder before he started to pull away from you. You immediately pouted at him in protest but he continued, pulling the blanket off of both of you and getting out of bed. “It’s only midnight. Let’s do what we were actually supposed to do tonight.”
Hearing him say that made you follow suit and get out of bed too, a small smile tugging at your lips. “Movies and Third Street?”
Steve was nodding as he walked over to you, arms slipping around your waist and pulling you close to him. “Yup.”
“That’s a great idea,” You whispered, looking up at him. “But, no funny business on the couch, though. The walls are way too thin and we’ll never hear the end of it from Robin if she hears anything.”
“Okay,” Steve said, and then proceeded to kiss your forehead and then both of your cheeks and then your neck; all of which made you softly laugh. “Sorry, just needed to get those out of the way first.”
You gave him an understanding nod that you hoped looked as serious as you wanted it to be, but there was a wide smile on your face as you spoke. “Okay, yeah, makes sense.”
He gave you one final kiss, that time against your lips, and then he was pulling away from you and heading toward his shut door. Your arms circled around him from behind as you followed him out into the living room. 
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
let me know ur thoughts<333
(requests are open for stuff you wanna see in the universe/series!🫶🏾)
446 notes · View notes
moonstruckme · 4 months ago
Note
vampire!james is such a fun concept!
what about if reader was a newly turned vampire too and James lets her feed on him
like the scene with elena feeding on damon in TVD?
because blood sharing is intimate :P
Hi lovely! I don’t really remember what this was like in TVD because I last watched that show probably 10 years ago and I don’t think I finished it but hopefully this is along the lines of what you were thinking, thank you for requesting <3
cw: blood, feels mature at times but no smut (vampires are just hot idk)
vampire!James x fledgling!reader ♡ 1k words
James hates seeing you like this. He remembers what it feels like—being aware for the first time of every nerve ending in your body, your mind whirring at a thousand miles a minute, everything worse and louder and so much more than it had felt when you were human. 
He’d warned you the transition would be like this, but you’d wanted it anyway. You keep trying to act like you’re alright even now, trembling from head to toe in the corner of the bed, eyes darting towards every sound and movement like your body thinks you’re under attack. The three bags of blood you’d gotten from the butcher lie empty on the floor. Normally James only needs one every few days, but this is one thing he’d forgotten about the transition, he supposes. The hunger is intense. He won’t be able to get you more for at least a few hours.
“Sweetheart,” James says softly. You still flinch as though he’s shouted. “You should try to go to sleep. It’ll help with the cravings.”
“I don’t think I can.” Your lisp is sort of cute. You haven’t been able to retract your fangs yet, have pricked your own lip more than once. “I can hear so many hearts. They’re loud.” 
James nods. He’s learned to tune them out, like the hum of electricity or the rush of wind outside, but he knows what you mean. If he focuses, he can listen to the beating heart of the bird nesting in the tree by your window, the neighbor’s cat, the woman who lives at the end of your street. Sometimes they seem synchronized together, the unceasing, steady beat of life in the world. It gets louder when he’s starving. 
“The butcher won’t be open until morning,” he tells you, though you know already. You nod, wrapping your arms around your legs. “But I can try to help, if you want. You could try feeding from me.” 
It’s an idea James has been toying with since you said you wanted to turn. He doesn’t think you could survive off each other forever—he’s not sure if he still makes new blood, if his body works that way anymore—but he doesn’t have need for his blood the way a human does. Maybe he could sate you for a bit. 
You give him a look of wary surprise, but James knows how you feel well enough to recognize the hope behind it. Any chance of feeding will sound good to you right now. 
“Can we do that?” you ask. 
“I don’t know,” he answers honestly. “But I don’t think it’ll hurt to try. Might taste a bit stale, though.” 
It’s a lame joke, and you don’t laugh. Your trembling worsens, your restraint barely holding out against your cravings. Your voice is small. “I don’t know if I can be gentle. I feel…weird.” 
James offers you a smile. “I know, honey. It’s okay. Can I touch you?” 
You nod. James is careful about it, not wanting to overstimulate your sensitive nerves. He takes your hands in his, slowly guiding you onto his lap. 
“You’re alright,” he promises. “Let me help.” 
Your brows crease, and your lip starts bleeding again when you prick it with your fang. James gently thumbs the droplet away. “I don’t want to hurt you,” you whisper, scared. 
“I’ll be fine.” He looks you in the eyes, swiping his thumbs over your cheeks calmingly. “You did it for me, right? That wasn’t so bad. Just…” James palms the back of your head, bringing it to the crook of his neck like an embrace. “Take what you need.” 
James doesn’t have a heartbeat for you to hear, but that doesn’t matter; once you’re close you can’t restrain yourself anymore. You bite into his neck eagerly. 
It feels like you described. Part of James worried that you were stretching the truth, trying to make him feel better, but the places where your mouth connects to his skin are suddenly the center of James’ universe. He can feel his blood rushing to meet you, to sate you, fill you up and be everything you need. Your low moan vibrates against his skin, and James laughs, dizzy and drunk on you. 
One of your hands fists in his hair, pulling his head further to the side. He bears his neck to you readily. He hopes you glut yourself on him, stay here with him, keep your mouth suctioned to his skin until you both die whatever deaths immortals can. 
He feels a bead of wet roll down his chest. You make a soft, thoughtless sound in the back of your throat, leaving his neck to chase it. Your tongue licks a stripe up James’ left pectoral. 
He blinks slowly as you wipe your mouth, breathing hard. It feels like waking up from a dream. You have blood smeared around your mouth and nearly dripping from your chin. You look embarrassed as you catch it with your fingers and lick them clean. 
“Sorry,” you say. 
“It’s okay.” James smiles at you. He still feels slightly doped up, but it’s also sweet to see you like this, pupils still blown from the taste of him and shy about it at the same time. “You were right, that was nice.” 
One side of your mouth tilts up tentatively. “I didn’t hurt you? You were so controlled when you fed from me.” 
“That’s not your fault, honey, you can’t be controlled this early on.” James kisses you, pleased to find your fangs are starting to retract. “It’s not possible. But no, it didn’t hurt.” 
Your smile blooms with relief. “You didn’t taste stale,” you reassure him. “You sort of tasted like yourself, if that makes sense.” 
He nods. You’d tasted like yourself, too, all sticky sweet and addicting. 
You let your breath out in a whoosh, sagging in his hold. “I’m…god, how do you manage to walk home after this? I’m so tired.” 
“It gets easier with time,” James reassures you. He pets the back of your head, turning you both around so his back rests against the headboard of your bed. “You can sleep, though. We’ll clean you up tomorrow.” 
There are no arguments from you. You’re fading fast, head falling naturally back into the curve of his neck. 
“Sorry,” you mumble, “I wasn’t as nice about it as you were with me.” 
“Sure you were, sweetheart. You’re always nice, I don’t think you can help it.” 
“Yeah, well.” You turn your head slightly to mush a kiss over the puncture marks you’ve left him. “Thanks.” 
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littlebirdygirlywriting · 26 days ago
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For the drabbles, maybe Tyler realising he’s been neglecting you and your relationship because he was getting excited about Kate’s experiment and everything and realising that he needs to focus more on you or else he could seriously lose you? Little Angst but with a good ending for Tyler and reader
Tear Stains on a Flannel Shirt
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Twisters Masterlist
Pairing: Tyler Owens x Fem!Reader
Summary: When a new message pops up on your phone, you don’t even bother to read it. You know what it will be. Tyler’s working late… again. But are his new work habits just a means to a devastating end?
Author’s Note: Anon, I’m so sorry this took so long! I literally had to rewrite it three times because I kept backing myself into a corner. 💀 It’s possibly OOC and I’m really not happy with a couple of things, but I didn’t want to postpone it any longer. I hope you enjoy it anyway! 🫶🏻 (P.s. I feel like Tyler would text using yellow hearts… idk why, but that feels right.)
Warnings: Angst, but with a happy ending. Intense Descriptions of a Panic Attack, (aka, I almost gave myself one writing this). Tyler uses both “baby” and “sweetheart” as terms of endearment. Swearing. Brief Mention of Death, (it’s literally just a passing thought, but better safe than sorry).
Word Count: 756 (I’m trying to cease being surprised—I have come to accept the fact that literally none of these are drabbles. 😆)
———————————————————————————
New Message from: T 💖
You sighed as the notification popped up on your screen, swiping it away without opening it.
You already knew what it would be.
Sorry, baby. Kate and I are on the verge of a scientific breakthrough—please don’t wait up.
It was the exact same thing he’d told you every other night this past… week? Two weeks?
Tears flooded your eyes, your mind falling into the one-track record it’d been playing for the last three days.
He’s going to break up with me. He’s going to break up with me.
The thoughts raced a thousand miles a minute, no matter how many times you tried to convince yourself otherwise. No matter how many times you tried to rationalize the feelings. Tyler was a good man. He wouldn’t just leave you without a word of explanation.
And yet, panic clawed at your throat like a deranged animal.
This is how it starts. This is how it always starts.
Late nights, early mornings—more time spent at work, less time spent at home.
Soon, you would be two strangers living in the same house. And then, not even that.
He’s going to break up with me. He’s going—
Pain blossomed across your chest, stabbing, constricting. Oxygen refused to enter your lungs, or perhaps your lungs refused to utilize it. Black dots crowded your vision.
I’m not—I can’t—I’m going to die!
“Sweetheart?” Tyler’s voice echoed in the entryway, bouncing off kitchen walls and landing undisturbed on the living room carpet.
His boots thumped against the hardwood floors as he passed through the kitchen into the living area. Whimpering greeted him from behind the corner of the couch, tucked up against the wall. Urgency kicked his pulse. “Baby? Is that you?” He rounded the corner of the couch… and was immediately on his knees before you. “Shit! Shit, sweetheart, talk to me. Talk to me! What’s going on?”
“Tyler, I—“ The panic in your eyes as you gasped, clinging to his arm, knees tucked up to your chest and tears streaming down your cheeks, seared itself in his mind. He wouldn’t be able to unsee it for a while. “I can’t breathe. I can’t—“
“Hey, hey! It’s okay, you’re gonna be alright. Breathe with me.” He ran a hand up and down your arm, inhaling a deep, exaggerated breath, trying to still your racing heart.
But his own pulse thrummed.
What is happening? Should I call an ambulance? There’s no blood… but she can’t breathe. Shit, shit, shit!
“Follow my lead, sweetheart. C’mon.”
A sob broke out of your chest, but you followed.
In… and out. In… and out.
“Good. That’s good, baby. You’re doing good.”
He sighed in mental relief as your body slowly started following the pattern.
Okay, she can breathe. She can breathe. She’s gonna be okay.
“T-Ty?”
“Yeah?”
He dragged a thumb across the back of your hand, attempting to ground you from what he was now recognizing as a panic attack. Swimming eyes locked onto his, despair tracing a threatening line around the edges.
“Are you… are you breaking up with me?”
Tyler couldn’t have been more shocked if you’d punched him in the gut. He sputtered, mouth moving, but with no sound coming out.
Finally, he managed a choked, “What?”
“It’s just—” You swallowed, looking away. “It’s just you’ve been gone so often, staying late at work, leaving early, sometimes even before I wake up, and I thought–-I mean—” Your face crumpled, and Tyler’s heart with it. “I mean, every other relationship I’ve ever had—that’s how they did it. That’s how it always started, and I thought—” A sob, deep and resonant, wracked your body.
“Hey. Hey, shhh. Shhhh.” He pulled you close, pressing you firmly against his chest, a tender kiss planted swiftly atop your head.
Your hands fisted in his shirt as you sobbed. Tears stained the front of his flannel.
“Shhhh, baby, it’s okay. I’m not—” His hand rubbed soothingly up your back. At least, Tyler hoped it was soothing. But your tears never slowed. “I’m not breaking up with you.”
You pulled back, your face a mess of snot and tears. “Promise?”
Tyler smiled gently, wiping your face clean with his sleeve. Because if that wasn’t love, he didn’t know what was. “Promise.”
You fell back into his arms, a shudder shaking your frame as you sighed.
And he just sat there with you, for as long as you needed, his message from earlier playing in his mind.
Coming home early today, baby. I love you. 💛
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plushipaws · 1 year ago
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“Dragon, I am not sure that I am a prince.”
“Of course not, you are my beloved pet.” “No, I mean… gender-wise.”
“Oh. Are you a princess?”
“No, I don’t think so.” “Alright, dear. Then, what are you?” “I think- well I’m not sure I am allowed.”
“You can be anything you want to be, my darling.”
“Well- and please don’t laugh- I think I’d like to be a dragon. … Like you.”
The dragon purred and wrapped its long neck around the smaller being and nuzzled its nose on their head. “Then a dragon you are, my love.”
“But I’m worried I’m not qualified to be a dragon. I don’t have scales or wings.”
“Dragons come in all sorts of kinds. Many are scaleless or wingless.”
“And I’m rather small and weak for a dragon…” They sighed. “I mean, I am already fairly small and weak for a human.”
The dragon studied the being who was now a smaller dragon for a long time before speaking rather gently. “I am rather small and weak for a dragon too you know… It is something I never told you, and you couldn’t know because you have none other to compare me to.” “What? But you’re so big and strong! You fly ten miles a day to hunt for us and you defend me from nosey knights who try to ‘rescue’ me!”
The dragon nodded. “Yes, but other dragons can fly for a thousand miles a day and hunt for an army, and they could fight off an army too. After fighting a single knight I become quite tired… This is why I live alone in this cave, away from other dragons. They harass me for my weakness, and try to push me to do more… they say what I am is not enough.” With this, the dragon lowered it’s head, seeming to feel ashamed. 
The smaller, human shaped dragon kissed the larger one on the snout. “Well, you are certainly enough for me. You might not be able to fight or feed an army, but your hunts keep us both full and your claws keep us both safe. And I always look forward to curling up under your wings at the end of the day. You don’t have to be alone anymore.” They frowned, their brow furrowing. “It makes me angry how you were treated.”
“It makes me angry how you were treated! That is what drew me to rescue you. I could see your society was treating you the same as mine was… Pushing you to do too much when you were tired, not appreciating you for who you are… but I appreciate you. You always know how to make me laugh, and all your little faces are so cute. I always look forward to feeling you press against my sides at the end of the day.” It nuzzled them. “You are dragon enough for me, better than any other dragon I have met. You are enough.”
The smaller dragon nodded. “We are our own sort of dragons. And that is enough.”
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b38rman · 4 months ago
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SLOW MOTION, DOUBLE-VISION ⋆。゚☁︎。☾ ゚。⋆ Ollie Bearman
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tags - ollie bearman x afab!reader, childhood friends to lovers, reader is in uni, light angst, eventual smut (with feelings), explicit sexual content
synopsis - No matter how many years passed by, it was glaringly obvious that you would never admit to yourself that you’d always wished for Ollie to be the one for you. It was hard back then, and it was even harder now. (OR: Your head knew that your childhood best friend would never be the one for you. Your heart just hadn’t realized it yet.)
rating - explicit
warnings - 18+ minors dni, slight angst (a little bit of arguing), explicit sexual content, unprotected sex
a/n - very obviously inspired by gold rush by taylor swift. ollie IS gold rush to me. highly recommend listening to it while thinking of him.
Whenever Ollie ran, you would chase him. Whether it was through his garden, between classrooms, or around your dinner table, you'd been doing it ever since you could remember. 
That was until he ran far, far away from you to Italy—of course you wouldn't follow (no matter how badly you wanted to.)
It was amidst this chase when you realized that no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't stop longing for him. You'd known this since you were 12 years old, when he grinned from the pew next to you as he caught you falling asleep during a church sermon. After that, you couldn't stop realizing the squeeze in your chest when you made him laugh, or the way he'd look at you at the end of a karting race, and how he'd thank you on those days like your company meant more than the accolades he was collecting. 
At 16 and 17, when he'd just moved and you'd already begun preparing for university, you'd try to keep in contact regularly. You'd watch as your laptop screen filled with the smile that had made your knees weak even from a thousand miles away and promptly force yourself to shut down those feelings.
"Hey you." He'd say, like he always did. "Hi. How was work today?" You'd answer, and he'd beam before talking your ear off for an hour or two, or until he decided he was too tired to keep going. 
Many times you wished you could reach through the screen and trace the freckles on his cheeks. You longed for the certainty of knowing how they felt under your fingertips.
On these calls, you knew that he just needed someone to listen to him. It wasn't that you weren't genuinely interested in what he was saying—of course you were—it was just that maybe your life was getting so bland that you had nothing to share with him, or that all of those things paled in comparison to what he was doing. The distance was far greater than the mileage separating both of you.
"Good night Ollie, sleep tight." You'd say at the end of one of these calls, watching his eyes blink slowly, indicating that he was already drifting off.
"You aren't telling me something." He answered. You felt your stomach twist.
I miss you, was definitely on your mind. I love you and I want you here were more self indulgent options for sure.
"I'm telling you everything." It was a white lie, but you couldn't think of what else to say to that.
You watched as Ollie's face dropped and shifted into an expression you couldn't read. He paused to take a moment, before going back to his own sleepiness.
"Good night." And the screen faded to black.
Over time, the calls became less and less frequent. It was sad, honestly; you went from seeing him basically everyday to feeling like you were barely a part of his life. Ultimately, though, it became clear how you were worlds apart from each other, especially since he stopped coming home for holidays and birthdays, and you didn't have the time to visit Modena no matter how many times you'd promised that to him in the past.
You existed on different planets—entirely different dimensions and planes of reality. He could pick and choose between celebrities and Instagram models, and you were stuck highlighting textbooks living from deadline to deadline.
That was until you got the call. 
“Ollie’s coming home.” Your mom said as soon as you picked up. You were cycling from one building to another between your classes and had three missed calls from her already. 
“What?” You hoped the shock surfacing in your voice wasn’t that obvious, considering how jarring it was in comparison to your mom’s excitement. 
“Yes! Come home for the weekend, it’ll be just like old times.” Your mom answered, thankfully not detecting your nerves.
It would be like old times, but this Ollie  wasn’t. You didn’t know what to do with that. What you were sure of though, is Ollie wasn’t running anymore—and you weren’t sure if that meant you had to stop chasing him too.
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Ollie was standing behind his parents when you arrived at their house. It felt surreal, like you were undergoing some kind of half-dream, half-deja vu state. After greeting his parents with the usual pleasantries about how university is treating you and how you grow up so fast, you finally got to lay eyes on Ollie after three whole years. 
All you could see in that moment was him. It was like your mind fell silent and the only sound that cascaded through your body was that of your heart pounding against your ribcage.
In front of him, you were five, twelve, sixteen, and nineteen all at once. 
The silence felt like it lasted a lifetime, but he pulled you in before he could say a word.
The world went silent as you closed your eyes and let yourself stay in that moment. It was as if his parents and little brother weren't in the doorway with you—as if the world was your hometown and Modena was universes away.
"I missed you." Ollie said so earnestly your body was going to explode. He buried his face in your hair and you swore he was a few inches taller than he was when he left you.
"Me too." You replied into his chest, trying to breathe through how overwhelming everything was.
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You were on your phone, lying in Ollie's twin-sized mattress, perfectly preserved like a sacred relic from your childhood. You'd remember nights when you'd snuggle together, his touch like a comforting anchor amidst seas that he could calm with his hand. You wondered if it was the same as it had always been. Would it be different now? Was it different now?
You glanced above the screen to watch Ollie reassembling his simulator in silence. It was comfortable, with the only air of awkardness coming from the elephant standing in the corner of the room; that being you not being on conversational terms previously despite being 'best friends.'
"Need help?" You asked, as you watched Ollie furrow his brows at some part that looked like any other part, which was confusing in itself but you were willing to help anyway. 
"No, all good." He chewed his bottom lip, clearly still frustrated and at a loss at what to do. 
You pursed your lips together and calmly asked a second time, "You sure?"
"Yes! I told you I didn't need your help the first time. Why aren't you listening to me?" Ollie let go of the parts he was holding, opting instead to press his eyes into his palms. "It used to be so easy to have you around, I just can't figure out why it's so different now."
"Well maybe it's because you're different now, Ollie." You couldn't help but raise your voice back at him as your heart pounded for entirely different reasons now.
"Oh, I don't know, maybe you were the one who stopped talking to me." His eyes pierced through you, but his glare was so obviously laced with hurt. It hurt you too—of course it did. 
You took a deep breath before replying. 
"You could literally pick any other girl to talk to, I don't know why what I do matters so much to you." You felt the tears well up in your eyes as you tried to stop your voice from fraying at the send of your sentence. You closed your eyes and covered your face in an attempt to stop the tears, but that proved futile as the warm wet streaks soon lined your face.
You felt the side of the bed dip and a hand reach out to gently touch the hands on your face. 
"Hey, I'm sorry, look at me." He wrapped his calloused hand around your wrist and exposed your red, splotchy face in all its glory to him. "You know me, you know I don't care about—" Ollie gestured loosely with one hand "—them. Besides, none of them will ever be you."
You tried not to overthink his statement too much as he moved his hand from his wrist to your cheek, then to your forehead. You held your breath as he leaned forward to press a kiss on your forehead, then down to your right cheek. You felt all the air exit your lungs as he pressed his forehead to yours, so impossibly close to you.
Growing up, you'd always wondered what it would be like to study how perfect every freckle and feature on his face was. Now that it was happening, the overwhelming glimmer in his eyes barely gave away that none of this was a pipe dream that you'd imagined from too many days away from him.
"Can I—" Ollie started. 
You grabbed his chin and smashed your lips together, taking him by surprise before he could even finish his sentence. People describe kissing to be like fireworks going off in your belly, or like butterflies swarming—however, there were no butterflies or fireworks, because those things couldn't even come close to what you were feeling. 
The kiss was hard and deep and neverending. It wasn’t the kind of kiss that came from years of anticipation—it was something else entirely; gentler, more deliberate. You felt Ollie’s hand slide to your waist, pulling you closer as though he was afraid you might disappear. Every inch of space that had once stretched between you over the years seemed to fold in on itself, leaving only the heat of his lips on yours and the sound of your uneven breaths filling the room.
“Ollie,” you whispered against his mouth when you finally pulled away, your voice barely audible. His name hung in the air like a confession.
He looked at you, his eyes filled with something raw, and you almost wished you could look away from how immense it was. “I mean it,” he murmured. “None of them will ever be you.”
Your chest tightened, the weight of those words nearly leading you to collapse. You didn’t need him to explain further because it made sense now. From the moment he grinned at you in that church pew, to the countless video calls where his smile never quite reached his eyes anymore, and even now as his thumb brushed gently across your cheek—it all made sense.
But there was still a sliver of fear inside you. “What happens when you leave again?” you asked softly. Your hand found its way to his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heart beneath your palm. “What happens to us then?”
Ollie let out a shaky breath, his forehead pressing against yours again. “I don’t know,” he admitted honestly. “But I do know that I can’t keep pretending it doesn't feel like this to me. I can’t keep running away from this—away from you.”
His words hit you like a tidal wave. For years, you’d chased him, only to stop when you thought he’d never look back. But here he was, tethering himself to you with a kind of sincerity that was so intense it was just on the verge of too much. 
You didn’t say anything more. Instead, you let yourself kiss him again—this time slower, more intentional. His lips moved against yours like he was committing every moment to memory, like he didn’t want to forget a single second of this.
Eventually, the kiss deepened, and his hands roamed cautiously over your back, your waist, like he was overriding the memories he had of you with this one. You felt the mattress shift as he pulled you down with him, your body fitting against his as though it had always been meant to. The warmth of his hands against your skin grounded you, making you feel like this wasn’t just a dream.
“Ollie,” you breathed his name again, your voice trembling as his lips found your jaw, your neck. “I’ve waited so long for this.”
“So have I,” he confessed between kisses, his voice husky and filled with need. “You have no idea how long.”
You stayed on your sides, your head spinning as you continued to kiss. Maybe it was the oxygen that you were losing from kissing for this long, or maybe it was how high you were on the fact that Ollie felt the same way about you. Either way, you knew where this was leading, and you could barely believe that it was happening here, in Ollie's bedroom. You couldn't figure out if it felt sacred or if it unlocked certain fantasies that you didn't dare indulge in. 
Ollie was the one who made the first move, daring to move his warm, calloused hands over your ribcage, tantalizingly close to your breasts. "Please, Ollie," you brought your mouth away from his for a moment to plead. "Need you." You said, punctuated by you moving his hands under your bra. 
You shuddered under his touch as his hand rubbed across your nipples, leading you to jerk your hips forward into the growing hardness in his pants. You knew the moan he let out would fill your ears and mind with yearning long after this.
You toyed with the hem of his shirt as both your movements grew more and more desperate, and that cued Ollie to rid of his shirt altogether. You followed suit with your shirt and bra, making sure to spend enough time admiring just how beautiful all of him was, like he himself was chiseled out of the marble they used to make the statues of demigods.
"You're staring." He said smugly, eyes glistening with mischief and warmth. You chuckled back at him. 
"Well I'm sorry." The apology came out sounding snarky and sarcastic, and it was Ollie's turn to laugh.
"You aren't though." Ollie quipped back before diving into your neck once again, licking and biting just to get some noises out of you. 
He then helped you out of your shorts and underwear, seemingly desperate to run his fingers through your folds. "Fuck, you're so wet for me." You gasped as he ran his fingers over your clit and your hole, spreading your wetness around. 
Ollie made quick work of his own pants and boxers, and you indulged him by wrapping your hands around his dick, hard and leaking pre-cum. After you gave him a few experimental pumps, he was relenting. "Ah—wait—don't want to cum yet." 
Soon after, your hand was replaced by Ollie's as he guided his length into you, inch by inch. He had one hand at the base of his dick, and the other holding your knee up, making the angle better and ensuring that you were properly open for him to lay all of his love into. 
You didn't even have time to think after he bottomed out inside you, because soon after he was setting a pace that could only be described as relentless, like he was trying to repent for the years you'd waited. You couldn't help the moans that escaped your mouth as he pounded into you. 
You held on to him as he laid into you, whimpering as sweat began to form on his brow. 
"Tell me," He said, breathless as the room was filled with the sounds of skin against skin, "Tell me you love me." 
Your heart felt like it was bursting at the seams. "I love you—God, fuck—I love you."
With that, Ollie was burying himself deep into you and reaching his climax, painting your insides with pearly white rivulets. You were not far behind, clenching and cumming around his cock as he ground the last of his orgasm into you. 
As soon as Ollie pulled out, he was grabbing napkins from his bedside table, cupping a wad of them at your entrance as his cum seeped out of you. He seemed focused on it though, how you were practically dripping with his release and yours. 
"I could get used to this." Ollie's breathing turned heavy.
"You're kind of nasty." You replied playfully, shifting the mood as he cleaned you up.
"You love it." He joked, but you knew there was more behind that. 
"Almost as much as I love you." You followed up, laying a kiss on his flushed cheek. 
For the first time in years, you didn’t feel like you were chasing him anymore. He was here—grounded, steady, and most importantly, yours alone.
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rederiswrites · 10 months ago
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You can train your tastes. You can choose what you see beauty in.
Lemme go further, actually. You are constantly doing so--or letting others do it for you.
Nearly two decades ago, when we were planning our wedding, I made a very firm decision not to look at any wedding planning magazines or anything with marketing material for wedding products. I wanted our wedding to be uniquely us, and I also wanted not to be bombarded by product advertisement and beautiful photo shoots of very expensive weddings. Consequently, maybe we wasted a little bit of time reinventing the wheel, but we had a wedding we were very happy with that only cost perhaps four thousand dollars at most, probably not that much, spread out over our finances and those of both our families. Our guests went home with live potted plants that we'd paid pennies for at end of season, our florist had a great time getting to design a bouquet that tested her skills because I didn't have any preconceived ideas, my dress was utterly unique--and I really do feel that those magazines would have had a corrosive effect on all that.
When we moved to this property three years ago, I spent a LOT of time looking at images online, trying to form a coherent vision for a property that was at the time a fairly blank slate. I found myself scrolling through a lot of Russian dacha Instagrams, of all things, and they unlocked something for me. Seeing the same homey make-do decorations and techniques I grew up around a continent away, the same plywood cutout old ladies and tractor tire flower planters, somehow chewed through that last binding cord of classism, and suddenly I saw the art in it. The expression of a desire to embellish and beautify, even when you have very little, even when all you can afford is things the more well-to-do consider trash. I saw the exuberance of human love for beauty in a brilliant flower bed planted next to a collapsing shed--it didn't need to be perfect to be worthwhile. They didn't wait til everything was pristine to start enjoying things. And now I earnestly and unironically covet my own version of the tractor-tire Christmas tree at the farm down the road.
We've spent centuries now idolizing the manicured estates and quaint country retreats of the European wealthy elites. We've turned thousands of miles of living ecosystem into grass deserts in service of this vision. We need to start deliberately retraining our tastes. Seek out images of a different idea of beauty and peace. I'm not telling you what it'll be. I'm telling you this is not involuntary. You can participate. You can look at the many beautiful examples of native xeriscaping for arid climates, or photos of chaotic tangles of wildflowers, tamed by narrow paths, a bench under an arbor overwhelmed with wisteria. Maybe instead of trying to get lawn to grown under your mature trees, you'd actually get far more joy out of a patch of dirt. A hammock. A firepit ringed with log sections for seats.
You can free yourself from harmful conventions of taste and beauty, and you do it through imagining something better.
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drdemonprince · 3 months ago
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For the last eighteen years (the entirety of my adult life), I have never lived in a place longer than twenty-four months. 
If you’re a renter, you know the deal: one apartment has leaks coming from the ceiling, thanks to a bathtub upstairs that the landlord never sealed up; in the next, you can hear skittering in the walls. I get a new job, so I have to head a mile south to find a commute that is tolerable. The relatively affordable one-bedroom on the corner where the ambulances are always blaring gets bought out, so the rent shoots from $900 to $1200 per month. Over and over the leaf blower of economic progress has expelled the flimsy debris of my life from the corners where it has settled.
There were less prosaic reasons for the many moves, too, like the 55-year-old roommate who would bang on my door at six in the morning accusing me of sampling her milk and let her dog shit on my rug. Or the boyfriend who stalked me after we broke up in graduate school, who would sit in the parking lot outside my window curled up into an angry, devastated ball, shrieking and crying until somebody came out the back exit and he could rush in to get me. I left the rug behind when I moved, because it had gotten stained. And when I escaped from the boyfriend, I left behind all the books from graduate school that reminded me of him, too. 
As a renter (especially one with a limited income) you never have any control over your surroundings. Where you live, how much space you have, what pests reside there, what works in the building and what doesn’t, how things get fixed, if things get fixed — it’s all determined by market forces and landlord whims. Nothing is permanent, and everything is uncomfortable, so you learn to keep your life light and ready to be picked up and dashed away with at the first sign of trouble. 
I never really learned to settle down into a place and let my weight expand gently all over it. It was better not to count on anything. Every time that I moved, I culled my possessions: the vintage exercise bike that I brought with me from Ohio got left behind when I darted from a depressing, windowless spot in Roger��s Park to a tiny studio in Lakeview. When the studio in Lakeview had cockroaches crawling up the bathtub drain, I found a dupe of a subletter and left behind my desk and half my kitchen items, and used a $40 folding table from Aldi as my counter, dining room table, and workstation for the next five years. 
That’s one thing that people don’t talk about, when they complain about landlords: how much disregard for your surroundings that renting breeds in you. It’s not only that the owner of your building never cleans the pipes. It’s also that you have no reason to feel invested in the pipes’ long-term functioning, and every reason to feel bitter about the thousands of dollars you’re already wasting on a broken building each year. 
And so you buy the Drain-o, even knowing it does damage. You don’t invest in a hair trap, because it shouldn’t be your job. Maybe you even flush kitty litter down the toilet, as one neighbor of mine did, because why the fuck shouldn’t you? It almost feels like revenge to wreck a place that was never yours, even though the only people who will suffer the consequences are the poor broke renters who come after you. 
There is no gratitude, no sense of continuity — only a steady march of expenses and breakdowns that never stop, until you’re kicked back on the street again.  
But this June, after almost twenty years and fifteen moves across various apartments and sublets, I have finally arrived at a place where I might be able to stay a long time. I’m no longer paying a landlord’s bills with my wages. I have become, as Eula Biss puts it, the husband of a space. This home is my duty to protect, to build up into something that might last for me and everyone else who passes through it. 
Suddenly I can see the consequences of my actions: A stick of incense left burning on the bathroom counter leaves three small, orange marks I have to buff out with a scrubbing sponge and a layer of Barkeeper’s Friend. When I ignore a leak from the hot water spigot that runs over the side of the tub, the liner swells up with moisture and has to be cut out and replaced. Life is no longer lived in pay periods, but in years. Unattended problems only get worse over time, and everything is riding on me. 
I wrote about making a home, adopting a cat, and learning to let my life have weight. You can read the full essay for free (or have it narrated to you by the Substack app) at drdevonprice.substack.com
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mr2swap · 9 months ago
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The great shift: a stinking symbiotic relationship
I came home empty-handed, I hadn't even been able to get a job as a cashier at McDonald's, but I can't blame them who would hire an overweight middle-aged man like me... A lot of things are different since the Great Shift, but I guess that some things remain the same, I opened the door to my apartment and the first thing I looked at was my old body sitting on the couch with an annoyed look.
-Dude, What the fuck? You were supposed to be here 35 minutes ago, my phone is blowing up with messages on our subscribers! You know them, they can't wait a minute for any of this! -
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Gary Muller, my roommate and my “business partner,” flexed one of his enormous biceps until the shirt that covered the muscular and perfect body that used to belong to me almost burst, then with one of his long fingers he pointed to one of his armpits that for a moment They were dry.
Gary took off his shirt, revealing the body he used to look at every day in the mirror, grabbed a pair of dumbbells that were on the floor and started working out for our afternoon show.
-Yeah... I'm sorry, I went to a couple of job interviews, and they went a little longer than I thought, just... let me change while you train a little-
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He just ignored me and went about his business while I walked into our apartment. I had heard that many people ended up in bodies thousands of miles away because of the Great Shift, but me and Gary living next to each other was a strange coincidence.
I didn't know anything about Gary before all this. Furthermore, I only considered him as the old man who lived next to me, sometimes in the mornings while my uncle went to the gym I could see him leaving the building, dressed in a cheap suit and heading to his office job. It was a surprise for me, One day I woke up in his apartment with his old body.
 The Real Gary was as surprised as I was, the first time I saw my old body from Gary's perspective I was speechless, there was an expression of confusion on that beautiful, symmetrically perfect face, the long, muscular arms of which I used to be so proud now they were in someone else's possession, but the worst of all was how short I was now. The height difference between us was enormous, while I was almost two meters tall Gary was 1.50 CM Even some children They are taller than me now.
But over time I got used to Gary's horrible old body... every day I prayed to get my old life back, but every day I woke up with horrible back pain and with a face older than my father's, perhaps the most strange now is the hair, Gary started going bald since high school and when he turned 30 he decided to shave all his hair, Gary's bathroom was full of hair growth products that hadn't worked for years.
And while I was suffering from trying not to adapt to the life of a 48-year-old, the real Gary was enjoying his new youth and his new muscular body. I learned that people treat you very differently when you look like a damn stud instead of a wrinkled Troll.
He could hear through the walls like the real home, and he had fun with my body and with all the boys I brought to my old apartment every night, I had never realized how thin the walls were in this building Until for the first time I heard the powerful moans of my old voice at the same time that Gary used my cock to fornicate another man.
Time passed and society continued on its path, for me, it was surprisingly fast how the government recovered from all this. But there was only one problem, there were a lot of unemployed people everywhere, and among all of them was me.
I used to work at the local gym as a trainer, but with this body that had never been in a gym in its entire life, I was quickly fired. On the other hand, Gary's company went bankrupt when most of the investors ended up in young bodies And they decided to sell the company.
As the days went by, Gary and I became somewhat of friends, I helped him with exercise routines and taught him about the nutrition My body needed, We decided that it would be much cheaper for both of us to live together while all this was resolved, And I returned to my old apartment, but I felt like a stranger among my own things. I settled in the smallest room surrounded by my training equipment that was totally useless to me now, everything was too heavy.
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Living with Gary was certainly better than living on the street, But every day it made me reconsider if that was true, Unsuccessfully I tried to get a damn job, so I could get out of that apartment and start my life over in Gary's weak old body. I felt like a parasite even with Gary, he paid the rent and all the house services.
On top of that, he used to party every night and hang out with his new gym friends during the day, it was a total mystery to me how he made so much money... until I started receiving some strange messages on my old Instagram account. .
“Hey buddy, was this your body?”
“Dude, are you DaddyGary?”
“Damn, you had such a hot body… I always knew what was under those shorts, you didn't disappoint me.”
It wasn't hard to realize that Gary had been making his filthy armpit fetish porn for those desperate gays. I felt so dirty watching the videos of my old body worshiping his sweaty armpits after the gym.
I immediately confronted Gary about it, and surprisingly he admitted it very quickly. He didn't seem embarrassed, or sorry for doing it, I could even notice a slight mocking smile on his face as I told him how humiliated I felt while a bunch of perverted men masturbated with my stinky armpits.
It was at that moment when those words from Gary sealed the destiny I am living in now.
-Those “disgusting” things like you call them are what pay the rent for this place and keep your old ass from sleeping in some dumpster. And if you want to continue sleeping in your comfortable bed, it's time for you to start contributing a little money, and I know how you can do it... Come here -
He flexed both arms showing his armpits, I was surprised to see that he had recently shaved his armpits, eliminating all the wild hair that I previously kept in my sweaty pits, I... I couldn't control myself, I don't think he's homosexual, but the powerful musk of my old armpits made me react like a bee to honey.
Gary took his phone and started recording me while he worshiped his wet armpits with my tongue.
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-You like it, right?… “Gary” Do you like the taste of your old body? Can you believe this used to be me? Damn, You really are pathetic, “Gary” -
It had been several days since I had ejaculated, I had thought Gary's body had erectile dysfunction or something, but at that moment my little cock was hard as a rock and hot as hell. I had never felt this way, my head was completely clouded by the addictive testosterone filled aroma of my old armpits.
-Look friends, “Gary” is jerking off, it seems like he still misses his old body... Maybe we should let him play with him another time...-
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