#and lily and sirius yes!!! those two have so many similarities and possibly why they clashed in the beginning

[padfootastic]

I agree with you and the anon about Lily’s shortcomings. I think fans create an image of Lily having no faults, even though there’s no canon to back this up - part of this is down to jkr, who limited Lily’s character to the male relationships in her life (but that’s a whole issue I won’t go into)

I think what people ignore in SWM, is moments like Lily berating Snape for staying friends with DEs, even after what they did to Mary, even though she herself is still talking to Snape! We don’t know what they did to Mary, but it’s safe to assume it was more than a couple of hexes. This cannot have boded well for her relationship with Mary, but a majority of Gryffindors, who probably saw the situation with Snape far more clearly than Lily did.

I also think people gloss over the fact that Lily was both stubborn and able to hold a grudge. Let’s not forget, as different as she was from Petunia, they were sisters. I’m sure Lily also had, in smaller doses, a lot of the negative traits that we see in Petunia throughout the series - quick tempers, vindictiveness, and a Slytherin cunning. I actually think Sirius and Lily were alike in a lot of ways (clearly James had a type), which also parallels the way that Harry and Sirius are quite similar in temperament, especially after OOTP. This may be an unpopular opinion, but I think James was a Gryffindor with Hufflepuff traits (he considered it the height of dishonor to suspect his friends), and Lily, Sirius and Harry were Gryffindors with Slytherin traits.

lily definitely enjoys a saint position in fandom, ngl, and i think part of that (in addition to only being defined by the males in her life + her sacrifice) also comes from what a solid example of james’ assholery we got in swm. it’s easy to demonise him, and prop her up on a pedestal because of the stance she took in that scene.

re her negative traits, i don’t entirely agree she had a quick temper, i would put it more along the lines of slowly building and erupting in the form of something aimed to hurt? and not necessarily physically, but wherever the other person’s weakest point is. there was an excellent meta on it a while ago that i can’t find 😭 but it said something like, it took a while for lily to snap but when she did it was final. and yes!!! someone else who thinks those two are super similar—i’ve been thinking that for a while now and it led me to the natural conclusion of james potter with a humiliation + degradation kink (whoops i apologise u had to read that 💀) but yeah, lily def had slytherin traits in my mind (i also hc her as being competitive, a bit self absorbed, and not great with feelings and atleast two of those lend itself to the house of snakes)

[yourfinalbow]

hi lol this is totally random but based on a harry potter post you just reblogged and you can completely ignore me if you want, but do you think snape deserved better, or are you a quote unquote "snape apologist"? I'm genuinely curious cuz I've come across a lot of different opinions on severus. Again, feel free to ignore :)

This ended up way longer than it needed to be, and I apologize for that lmao.

Hi! Hmmm I have many mixed opinions on this. First we have to talk about which Snape. Book!Snape is actually kind of an asshole, and not in the fun way. (Way more than I remembered.) But but but Alan Rickman!Snape I like a lot.

And no I'm not mentioning Snape from TCC. That was not Snape and that world was not Harry Potter.

Snape is an interesting character because of how flawed and layered he is.

(Putting a cut because it's so long, and tw for non-detailed mentions/reference to abuse, as well as both trauma and death.)

He wasn't born in a very good household, which I can definitely see as being a reason for why he is who he is. (A reason, not an excuse. Those are two extremely different things.) You look at Sirius, who also came from a horrible household, yet he managed to dig himself out of the mud and make his own path for himself. (Though I have many angsty headcanons for the thoughts he has and being afraid of what he will do and in turn his own mind. WolfStar solidarity. Neither one of them know what they are truly capable of, and both are completely afraid to find out.

Ahem sorry I got a little distracted there.

During the Marauder's era, Snape wasn't a good person in general, but he tried to be nice to Lily. (One of the only exceptions he made.) That being said, (sorry, going on a tangent again), it does not excuse what the Marauders did. As much as they are, in my humble opinion, JK's greatest creation, they should be held accountable for both the prank, and dangling Snape upside down. (Though Remus does make a few good points in their defense later, it's still not an excuse.) Two wrongs never make a right.

Snape doesn't deny Lily's claims at him wanting to join a supremacy group, nor does he say he isn't friends with Death Eaters.

It's clear through the flashbacks we're given that Snape is apathetic in the face of innocent people dying, but once again Lily is the exception.

Dumbledore defends Snape by saying it wasn't his fault that Harry's parents are dead. I actually semi-agree with this. On one hand, he was directly at fault, but on the other hand he had no way of knowing. As a severe Loki apologist, I do not blame Loki for Frigga's death. He may have led the dark elves to her, but he didn't know it was her she was sending them to. That's the comparison I make in my mind, and so I don't completely blame him like other people do. (One could also make the argument that Sirius is to blame. Sirius, who is 100% my favorite character in the entire franchise, gave the secret keeper job to Peter, thinking it would be safer with him. However, he had no ill will or malicious intentions towards Lily, James, and Harry, so I don't blame him.)

All that being said, Snape not only would have been fine with random people dying, he also didn't care whether or not James and Harry lived.

For context:

(Dumbledore is speaking, right after Snape comes to him for help.)

"You do not care, then, about the deaths of her husband and child?" They can die, as long as you have what you want?"

Snape said nothing, but merely looked up at Dumbledore.

He has a strange relationship with Lily. He obviously loves her, but not enough to want to stop Voldemort from killing the two things that bring her the most amount of happiness. It's clear he doesn't care about anyone except for Lily. Which on some level, I can understand why. When people have traumatic childhoods, they tend to hold on to a person that was there for them. Sometimes it can be the hands of the person who caused them pain in the first place, but other times it is another person who was there for him. He holds Lily's opinions of himself higher than anybody else, and he holds Lily above anybody else, and I think this can be attributed to some sort of trauma response, which is why his love for her is so unusual. That doesn't mean I think he should be fine with killing innocent people.

On the topic of trauma, I think joining the Death Eaters was another response to this, as well as a result of what kind of family he had.

Similar to both Harry and Voldemort, Snape much preferred Hogwarts to where he lived, and such the castle became his home more than his house ever was.

The Death Eaters could offer him something he had never been offered before. He belonged to something. In his own, twisted, traumatic mindset, he might have even almost seen the Death Eaters as a family. Not consciously of course, but there was definitely a feeling of belonging they gave him.

And there's something to be said about the fact that many serial killers in real life come from an abusive family. I don't pretend to understand the minds of someone who can do something so vile, but I have watched enough Criminal Minds episodes to know what they long for is control.

So being apart of this supremacy group, even though he was a half-blood himself and undoubtedly didn't entirely share Voldermort's racist beliefs, gave him both control and something he belonged to.

It's not an excuse, but it's a reason.

Alternatively, you can look at it through a quote from the most recent episode of Loki.

"It's part of the illusion. It's a cruel, elaborate trick conjured by the weak to inspire fear."

So it's also possible that when he was a kid, he thought being a villain was the only way to prevent others from being one to him.

Ok sorry, back on the chronological track.

So he agrees to change sides and work with Dumbledore. (Who must see just how distraught Snape was over Lily's death, to trust him immediately.)

Snape spends most of Harry's time at Hogwarts humiliating his own students. He particularly calls out Harry and his friends a lot, but I can definitely see this being a defence mechanism. He assumes Harry is James and reverts back to what we talked about earlier. (Becoming the villain so nobody else has a chance.)

But but but, he does a lot of good throughout the books. Snape mutters the countercurse, saving Harry from Quirrell during the Quidditch match. He then actually referees at the next match, preventing anything from happening altogether.

In retrospective, we see that he spends most of the first book helping Dumbledore by protecting the stone, and helping Lily by protecting Harry.

Now I could go through and list the goods and the bads of Snape throughout the entire series, but I have neither the time nor the patience, and I think you get the point.

(Except I would like the mention that Snape becomes a double agent for Dumbledore in book four, and risks his life every single day by constantly betraying Voldermort, and never once does he use this as a way to double cross Dumbledore. This was actually probably really hard on him. You can assume that having to pretend to be a Death Eater means he had to do some despicable things just so he didn't blow his cover. If he really has changed by this time, which I would like to think he has, is a lot of added guilt to live with.)

(I would also mention that he tried to save Sirius in book five, but... *falls on floor dramatically* I don't want to think about it.)

Severus Snape's time comes to the end in book seven. At the hands of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, his death is a valiant act of sacrifice. Protecting the living and defending the honour of the fallen.

So, he has done a lot of bad in his lifetime, but by the time we as readers get to know him, his fundamental set of beliefs have begun to change. Through the eyes of what started as an eleven year old boy, you can definitely see that even after this he wasn't necessarily a good person.

And that's because his good is behind the scenes. He's good on a larger scale. He's chosen the light over darkness, but in his everyday life he's still the scared, traumatized little kid he's always been.

And him being this way has reasons, but these reasons are not excuses.

Sorry anon, this kind of turned into a long winded review of the entire character. I know that's not really what you asked, so I'll sum it up in a final few sentences sentence.

Yes. I wish Snape had gotten to live. Not because I'm necessarily a "Snape apologist", but because I find his character interesting, and seeing his reaction to his sacrifice could have been a really good read. Also Harry coming up and thanking him would have been really touching, and as a cherry on top maybe we could have gotten to read Harry apologizing for his father. Maybe even Snape sharing memories of Lily?! (Sorry that might have gotten a little to fanfic-y.)

That being said, his death being a final sacrifice towards the good of everyone, and a final testimony to his change of heart, was -- and I'll give JK credit just this once -- good storytelling, and a good way to end it.

Also I like movie!Snape because fuck yeah he's just so awesome.

If anyone has anything to add/take away, or they just want to discuss the wonder that was Alan Rickman, let me know! (Ask/Comment/Reblog/Etc.)

[iliveiloveiwrite]

Memories

Request: Can I get a request where Sirius and reader grew up together, her family is also part of the of the sacred 28, and they are like best friends even though she’s a slytherin. And when Sirius finally escapes Azkaban he goes and hides at her place. Maybe she tells people she adopted a large black dog 😜

A/N: I LOVED WRITING THIS. I approached it in a manner I don't usually do so I hope you like it and I really hope I’ve done your request justice because the minute I started writing it, I was over 2.5k words in before I even came up for air. Flashbacks are written in bold and are bordered by two ** at the beginning and end to hopefully avoid confusion. I hope you all enjoy! I am slowly making my way through the other requests. Love to you all!

Pairing: Sirius Black x Fem!Reader

Warnings: mentions of death, sadness, negative emotions, some swearing

Word count: 3.9k

MASTERLIST

In the wizarding world, there were very few publications that printed credible new stories. The instant you pick up your copy of The Daily Prophet from where the mail owl had dropped it on your stoop, you knew that this would be the only news story that would be covered across all news outlets.

It had been an age since you had seen his face; seen those eyes that you fell in love with in your fifth year of Hogwarts. Staring at the moving image now, those eyes are full of fear. Your heart breaks at the sight of him.

Moving to your kitchen, your mind takes you back to one of the many memories shared with Sirius growing up as a member of the Sacred 28:

**

The garden at the Black’s country manor is the opposite of their house. The garden is warm, it’s full of life. The house is cold, full of secrets.

You hated coming here; dragging your heels whenever your family had to make the annual summer trip. You didn’t like Mr. Black – he was cold, and his eyes were mean, and you didn’t like how he looked at his eldest son, Sirius.

The only reason you didn’t pitch up enough of a fight was so you could see Sirius. The same age as you, you had known each other since diapers, and he was your closest friend. Time apart from Sirius was filled with the constant stream of letters sent between the both of you.

He knew that you couldn’t spend a lot of time in the manor house; he knew to find you in his mother’s rose garden that was tended to with such care – something he had seen only in private; only when his father couldn’t see.

He joins you amongst the roses; inhaling their heady scent and counting the colours – red, pink, yellow, orange. An entire rainbow presented here in the garden; one that would not be reflected in the house.

“I knew I’d find you here.”

You turn to him, moving on the bench to make room for him. “I like the colours.”

He hums in agreement. You lean your head on his shoulder.

“Are you scared?” You ask.

“To go to Hogwarts?”

You nod. The letters had arrived to both of you within a week of each other. Your parents couldn’t be more thrilled – another Slytherin in their midst.

“I’m not scared. I’m excited to see what could happen.”

“I’m excited too. I just don’t want to let my parents down.”

Sirius knocks his shoulder against yours, “I don’t think that’s possible. It’ll be me doing all the disappointing – just you wait.”

You laugh, instantly feeling at ease. Sirius could always manage to calm you down. With him at Hogwarts with you, you didn’t feel as scared.

**

The newspaper makes its home on your kitchen counter.

The kettle is soon boiling on the stove as you decide that a warm drink would be needed for you to face the details of the article.

The shock of seeing his face has worn off somewhat as you finally turn to confront The Daily Prophet. Countless times you had imagined what Sirius would look like when he hit his thirties – he would always be handsome and he would always have his roguish smile, but staring at the photo again, you never imagined this.

Thrashing about in the photo; a man close to madness. He had lost part of himself the night Lily and James were murdered in Godric’s Hollow. From there, he acted – he didn’t think.

Tears begin to form as you remembered how he was on the very first time you travelled on the Hogwarts’ Express:

**

You were not ashamed to admit that a few tears did fall as you said goodbye to your parents before stepping onto the Hogwarts Express. Your mother and father hugged you tightly before promising to meet you on the platform for the Christmas break.

You hold onto that promise as you search for an empty compartment to sit in.

You never find that compartment; Sirius finds you first.

“(Y/N)! Here! I’ve saved you a place.”

“Sirius!” You shout, entering the compartment he was sharing with three other boys.

“(Y/N), meet James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew.”

Each boy shakes your hand, and you immediately decide that you like them and would like to be fast friends with them.

“I’m (Y/N) (Y/L/N).”

James’ eyes widen, “As in the (Y/L/N) of the Sacred 28?”

You nod, “The very same.”

James whistles, “I didn’t think I would be meeting a member of the Sacred 28 on my first day of school.”

“You’re meeting two actually. My surname is Black.”

**

Neither you nor Sirius realised just how much those three boys would mean to you. You smile wistfully as think of the events that unfolded after that initial meeting:

**

“Gryffindor!” The Sorting Hat exclaims atop of James Potter’s head. The smile on his face impossibly large as he makes his way over to the table reserved for Gryffindors.

The butterflies in your stomach had become a full blow riot; the nerves making your hands shake until Sirius grabbed one and squeezed tightly. The nerves had settled somewhat but they were still present.

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N)?” Professor McGonagall calls out.

You ascend the steps, taking a seat on the solitary stool. The Sorting Hat is placed upon your head and you can feel him deliberating which house would best suit you.

In less than a minute he has decided: “Slytherin!”

The Slytherin table shout their welcomes as you make their way over to them, taking a seat among your fellow first years.

You watch nervously as Sirius is called to take a seat. The Hat is placed on his head and it deliberates, trying to decide the best fit for him.

It’s as if the Great Hall falls silent when the Sorting Hat calls out “Gryffindor!”

**

Remus sends an owl a week after the news of Sirius’ escape from Azkaban breaks. He apologises for not writing sooner, but having been offered a teaching position at Hogwarts, he had been somewhat caught up in lesson plans. The rest of his letter oozes of his worry for you – how are you coping with this? Do you want to come to Hogsmeade? We can talk it through. How sorry he is for you having to experience this all over again.

Your reply covers the fact that you are alright – that yes, this was the last thing you ever expected but all it has done so far is made you reminisce of times at Hogwarts, was he experiencing the same now that Sirius was back?. However, he needed to tell you everything about his new job – what was it like? Was he teaching Baby Harry who was no longer a baby but old enough for Hogwarts now?

The onslaught of memories that have troubled you since the moment you spied Sirius’ face on the front page did not let up as you tumble into another memory from Hogwarts and distantly wondered whether Harry was experiencing the same exam stress:

**

The textbook is wrenched out of your hands, and you start to shout at the culprit before realising two things: you are in the library, and it was Sirius.

Instead of shouting and jeopardising your position in library, you settle on pinning Sirius with a glare.

He answers with his own glare, “You have been studying for months, what more could you need to know?”

“Not all of us is gifted academically, Sirius. These are our OWLs; I need to do well.”

“Take a break, (Y/N). I miss you.” He says, pouting.

You return his pout, “Poor baby Gryffindor. Give me back my textbook.”

He sighs dramatically before handing you back your textbook. You return to reading, writing the occasional note but you can feel the weight of his stare.

You huff, “Two more hours, and I’ll meet you outside your common room, okay?”

His smile is blinding, he presses a long kiss to your cheek before whispering in your ear, “Don’t study too hard.”

He leaves before he can see you press a hand to your cheek, trying to keep the imprint of his lips on your cheek.

**

Your relationship with Sirius had naturally progressed from friendship to romantic, but the friendship did remain. You offered him your whole heart, and he offered you his. It was often joked by Remus that there would be no better fit for the other. James had called it from the start, or so he claimed. It was hard to avoid the longing look Sirius would send your way when you weren’t looking.

It had been something similar for you – longing glances in class, at mealtimes. Wanting nothing more than to take the relationship to the next level; to tell him exactly how you felt about him – how being around him feels like you’re drowning until he looks at you and you can finally breathe and that pressure on your chest has been lifted.

But the fear. That fear of ruining a lifelong friendship paralysed you. It paralysed him as well – until sixth year when he needed to say something for the worry that his feelings may cause him to internally combust.

**

“Sirius, I don’t know why you’re angry at me. What have I done? How can I fix it?” It was so very rare that Sirius was angry with you, that you fought about anything.

“It’s nothing, (Y/N). Let’s leave it.”

“No. It’s upset you, and you’ve been off with me since breakfast. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Sirius runs a hand through his hair, pushing it back despite the fact that it would always back into his eyes. He huffs, remaining silent on the subject.

You roll your eyes at his silence, knowing that he would revert to silence to avoid the subject and work it out on his own. You use the silence to think back to breakfast, as to what could have happened to affect his mood for the whole day.

Nothing exciting happened – you joined the Marauders for breakfast, discussing Hogsmeade plans with Peter as you filled your plate. The only thing out of the ordinary was being approached by Justin Mayhew from your Muggle Studies class, asking if you had the notes from Monday’s lecture as he had missed it due to illness. You had smiled at him, telling him you would lend him your notes this afternoon in class. He returned your smile before thanking you – it was a quick interaction that had meant nothing to you.

Oh. You blink.

Oh.

“You’re jealous.” You state.

“It wasn’t that.”

“Then you’re going to have to elaborate then because all I’ve come up with is jealousy.”

“You smiled at him.”

“What?”

“You smiled at him. And I saw how the narrative of my life was going to play out – that I was destined to be reserved to the side lines and watch you smile at other men, and I was to act as if it didn’t bother me. As if I was the villain of your story.”

“What are you saying?”

He runs his hand through his hair again, letting out a frustrated groan, “I’m saying that I have been in love with you for years now and it’s fucking shit to realise that you don’t love me back.”

“Sirius, you can be so dense sometimes.”

“I’ve laid my heart bare, sprawled it on the table in front of us and you insult me?”

“Yes, you prick. I love you too.”

He blinks. Once, twice, three times before: “You love me too?”

You throw your arms wide, “Yes! I have since fifth year. I adore you.”

He’s in front of you in an instant; one hand on your cheek, the other wrapping itself around your waist, pulling you close to him. He searches your eyes for any hint of reservation – when he finds none, he kisses you.

And everything makes sense.

**

From there, you and Sirius went from strength to strength. Graduating Hogwarts together, quickly moving into a small cottage in the neighbouring village to Godric’s Hollow. Neither James nor Sirius could be too far apart.

James and Lily’s wedding was something to behold. You were not ashamed of the tears that flowed at the sight of Sirius up at the altar, stood next to James, looking as proud as any Best Man could.

The birth of Baby Harry truly brought everything together. Being named godparents to that precious child meant everything to you and Sirius.

As you sit in your living room, your mind drifts to Harry again – what would he look like now? Is he more James than Lily or more Lily than James?

A fresh wave of guilt crashes upon you as you think of how you never fought to keep custody of him. The first year after Sirius’ arrest had been so delicate; everyone walked on eggshells around you, afraid to set you off.

The night of James and Lily’s death was something that whilst you had been aware of the threat to their lives, you never expected. Placing your head in your hands, you think back to that night:

**

The right side of the bed is cold, you frown as you paw at it, looking for the man you loved.

Sighing, you pull the covers off you, shivering at the cold in the air. Wrapping your dressing gown around your body, you head downstairs, deciding to wait for Sirius in the living room.

You don’t have to wait long.

The front door opens, and Sirius falls into the house. You’re there in an instant. He’s pale and trembling – whatever has happened was bad enough to send him into this state.

“Sirius, my love, I need you to tell me what’s wrong.”

He squeezes his eyes shut, screwing them up so tight you know he’s seeing stars behind his eyelids. He presses his hands to face as if trying to erase whatever image he was now seeing.

He takes a stuttering breath before finally uttering: “James. Lily. Murdered.”

His voice breaks on the final word and his tears finally start up. Heart-wrenching sobs take over his body, and he slides to knees in the entryway. Your arms wrap around him as you attempt to process the three words he barely got out.

There, you both sit, wrapped up in the other. Carding your hands through his famously unruly hair, you hold the broken man to your chest and let him get his feelings out.

**

Wrenching your eyes shut, you try to stem the flow of your tears. For obvious reasons, this was not a memory you revisited often. Sirius that night was broken – there was no other way of putting it.

You remember him coming home, barely containing his shaking. Only being able to get out the words: “James, Lily, murdered” before the sobs overtook him and you held him close – trying your very hardest to keep your own tears at bay. You had to be strong for Sirius now.

You never realised Sirius was planning his revenge as you held him in your arms:

**

He presses a searing kiss to your lips; it feels like a goodbye, you could only pray it wasn’t.

“Sirius, tell me where you’re going.” You demand as he pulls away.

He kisses you one more time, “I’m going to right a wrong.”

And just like that he’s out the door. By the time you realise what he’s going to do, his motorcycle is already in the air.

**

The rest of that day is a blur with only a few coherent moments throughout. You remember Remus arriving at the house; you remember the Aurors at your door; and you remember being told you would never see him again.

You had been catatonic after that; sinking to the floor, heaving out sob after sob. Your heart had been cleaved in two and thrown onto the floor. You could see no recovery from this.

It had taken time; it had taken care from Remus, from your parents.

Your relationship with parents had become rocky once you announce your relationship with Sirius. Your father worked with Sirius’ father and after Sirius had disowned the Black family, your relationship with him was the last thing they expected. It had taken a while, but they grew to love Sirius as if he were their son.

You think back to their care in the initial days after Sirius’ incarceration; how gentle they had been with you when all they wanted to do was rage at what had happened to their daughter.

Twelve years later, you still owed them for that. Your mother had waved away your constant attempt at thanks reiterating that she was your mother and would care for you regardless of the state you were in.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The flashbacks become more common after sighting a black dog in town. You think back to your Divination lessons at Hogwarts and remembering the meaning of sighting a black dog. You push that thought out of your mind; if you were to meet impending doom, it would have happened by now.

As you’re paying for your shopping, another thought hits you. It isn’t a normal black dog – and you suddenly feel so bloody foolish that you haul your shopping back to your house where you make enough food for two, leaving a plate by your door as well as large dressing gown that once belonged to the man you now suspected was hiding in his animagus form.

A knock on the door soon follows.

You’ve never answered the door faster.

Stood there, wrapped in the dressing gown, is Sirius.

“(Y/N).” The moment your name falls from his lips, it’s as if a twelve year old wound is suddenly healed.

“Sirius.”

You have a split-second decision to make: let him in or turn him away.

Your heart makes the decision for you. You move to the side, giving him permission to enter the house he once shared with you; the house he once hoped to have a family in.

“You’ve decorated.” He states, as if he hasn’t been imprisoned for twelve years, but rather on holiday.

You cough, “Yeah, I needed to make some changes.”

He nods, understanding the meaning behind your words.

He follows you into the kitchen where you immediately head over to the kettle; pouring water in before placing it on the stove to heat up. Whatever conversation was to follow needed a mug of tea. As your mother always says – the world can be put to right over a mug of tea.

His eyes focus on your left hand as you hand him the hot mug of tea and walk into the living room. He notes the lack of wedding ring, and he can’t help but feel some relief at that.

You notice him staring at your hand as he takes a seat on the couch across from you. “There hasn’t been anyone since you. After you were arrested and the Aurors showed up on our doorstep, I wasn’t in any state to even remotely think about dating.”

The guilt swims in his eyes.

You sigh as you stare at the mug of liquid in your hands, “I found the ring box two weeks after you were imprisoned. Remus suggested I pack some of your things away and move them into the attic. He came over and helped; I was putting on your favourite leather jacket when I felt the box in its pocket. The moment I opened it and saw the ring nestled there, I just about lost it all over again. Poor Remus had to calm me down - it took a while. I’ll never be able to pay him back for all he did in that first year.”

Sirius clears his throat before speaking, “I had it all planned out. I had asked your father and he had given me his permission. I was going to cook your favourite meal and ask you over dessert. It was a cliché, retired idea but I knew you would never appreciate the grand spectacles. There are few things I regret in this life; not proposing to you, not marrying you is one of them.”

There are a thousand things you want to say to him in that moment; the emotions coursing through your body are too much for you to catalogue, not knowing what or how to feel.

You don’t get a chance to form an answer, however. A knock sounds at your door and you release a swear that Sirius had never heard you say.

“You need to go,” You say, grabbing Sirius by the arm, hauling him up from his place on the couch.

“What? Why? I just got here.”

To answer his question, your mother shouts through the door: “(Y/N), dear, are you alright?”

You shout to the door, “Yes, mum. I’m just finding a clean shirt!”

You can hear her chuckle through the door.

Sirius squawks in indignation as you drag him to the back door. You hiss at him, “I need you to transform. The last thing my mother needs to find is you in my house. You’re probably the reason she’s here.”

Sirius smirks, “Your mother always did like me.”

“Transform, Sirius.” You plead. He nods silently as he leaves your house. The only confirmation of his transformation is the bark coming from your back garden.

You school your face into an expression which hopefully shows that you haven’t been spending time with your ex-boyfriend who happens to have escaped from prison where he was put for murdering some friends and muggles. Straightening your shirt, you open your front door to see your mother’s concerned face.

“I wish I could have come sooner,” She says, walking into your living room.

“Don’t worry about it, mum. You and Father were travelling, I wouldn’t expect you to drop everything to come back for this.”

She frowns, “But, darling, how could I not worry?” Clearly referring to your state after Sirius’ arrest was not something she did lightly, but it had to be brought up.

You wave a hand in dismissal, “It’s been twelve years, mum. I’ve had plenty of time to come to terms with it. Besides, I doubt I would be where he would come to for refuge.”

She purses her lips but says nothing more on the subject to your relief.

You smile at your mother, “How about a cup of tea?”

“That sounds lovely.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Honey?” You mother asks as she places two empty cups in the sink.

You hum.

“Why is there a large black dog in your garden?”

“He’s my new company. I figured after twelve years, I need some company, but didn’t want the hassle of a man.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I adopted him. He’s called Snuffles if you can believe it.”

Your mother chuckles, turning away from the kitchen window. “Snuffles? It suits him.”

You smile, “Doesn’t it just.”

She leaves soon after, a kiss pressed to your cheek as she walks out the door.

The minute the front door shuts, the back one opens and Sirius walks in.

“Fancy harbouring a fugitive?” He asks.

You have known this man for all of your life, been in love with him for over half – there was no-one before him and there would be no-one after him. It takes less than a minute for you to answer.

“Of course.”

Sirius answering smile is blinding.

[gundamthey17]

Find What Fits

This is prompt 2 / 2 for the @transwizardtournament! Thanks to @lifetoanother for commissioning me (again!) This one is a les mis/marauders crossover.

Read on AO3

The Gryffindor fifth year boys’ dormitory was filled nearly to capacity as thirteen students sat laughing, talking, and drinking butterbeer and contraband firewhiskey. (In fact, it was entirely possible that the room had been filled to capacity, and then had simply expanded to accommodate more people as they entered. Remus was reasonably sure that he had never seen at least one of those chairs before.)  It was a Friday night, and the Beauxbatons exchange students would be heading back to France that Sunday.  The fifth years were making the most of what little time they had left together, now that winter break was starting and they had no assignments to complete.  

Bahorel, James, Sirius, and Peter were playing a drinking game. Remus wasn’t sure who had started it, but he suspected all four of them would be spending some quality time in the bathroom before the night was out. Marius and Cosette were laughing with Dorcas and Marlene; Lily, Enjolras, and Combeferre were engaged in an intense-sounding discussion of Wizard-Muggle relations in France. That left Remus sitting at the edge of the room alone, nursing his firewhiskey, but he was quite content with that arrangement. He was still recovering from the full moon earlier in the week, and he would likely find himself dozing off soon.  Suddenly, the room’s final occupant appeared at his side.

“May I sit with you?” Jehan asked. They had been flitting from conversation to conversation for the majority of the night.

“Of course,” Remus replied, moving over to make room on the small couch.

Jehan settled back with a sigh and took a delicate sip from their half full glass of firewhiskey. Their long auburn hair was coming out of its braid, and it spilled over the back of the couch. Their inquisitive hazel eyes roamed the room for a moment before coming to land on Remus’ face. “Hard to believe the semester is over already,” they said, with just a trace of a French accent.

“Yeah,” Remus replied. “It’s been great getting to know you all. We’re going to miss you.”

“Will you write?”

“Sure.”

“All of you,” Jehan clarified. “I am trusting in you to remind the others if they forget.”

Remus smiled. “Lily won’t forget. She’s fascinated by wizard politics. I’ll give the others some gentle reminders now and then. Or not so gentle.”

“Good. Enjolras and Combeferre seem to have met their match in Lily. I honestly did not think it could happen. And everyone else has been wonderful too.” They paused, and seemed to choose their next words carefully. “I wish the rest of our friends could have come as well. They would have liked to meet you.” Remus hummed in response. Jehan continued, “I should put you in touch with our friend Feuilly. You and he have… some things in common.”

“Oh? Is he in your year?”

“Not exactly. There were certain… factors… that prevented him from becoming a student. Our headmaster is perhaps not so accepting as yours.”

Remus turned his head sharply, more curious than offended. His eyes flicked about the room warily, but everyone was intent on their own conversations. “Your friend… you’re saying he’s got a similar… problem? Like mine?”

“I do not want to assume anything about you. But there are certain similarities. I wonder if you two can perhaps encourage one another. He has never encountered anyone whose case is quite the same as his. I could put you in touch with him. If you want, that is.”

“I’d like that.”

“I’m sure Feuilly will appreciate it. And Bahorel too. He and Feuilly are together.”

“That must be hard. I can’t imagine what it would be like for Sirius and me if we – “ Remus cut himself off quickly, realizing what he had said. The fact that he and Sirius were – whatever they were – was not common knowledge. But Jehan merely nodded.

“You would find a way, I am sure. My… what is the word? Significant other? He does not attend Beauxbatons. For reasons mostly of his own choosing, unlike Feuilly.”

Remus couldn’t help but admire the way Jehan spoke about themself and Bahorel having boyfriends. “Is it easier in France?” he asked suddenly.

“Is what easier?”

“Being… you know…” he gestured vaguely.

“Gay?”

Remus let out a startled laugh. “Yes, I guess that’s what I mean. Or – or bisexual, or – any of it.”

Jehan sighed pensively. “Some things, perhaps yes. Others less so. Being entirely yourself will always take courage, no matter the setting.”

“Sirius is always telling me to be myself. But I’m not even sure I know who I am. Or… or what I am.” He wasn’t sure why he was suddenly saying all of these things out loud. Jehan was easy to talk to, and it was entirely possible that the firewhiskey was helping as well.

“That is all right. It takes time. And it’s different for everyone. Sirius may know who he is and be comfortable with that, but you are not him.”

“How did you know that you were…?” Remus trailed off, realizing he actually wasn’t sure how Jehan identified. He finally settled on, “That you wanted to be called they, instead of he or she.”

“Ah,” Jehan nodded. “In some ways, this is easier in English. In French, everything has a gender, he or she.  There is very little room for someone who is a different gender, or many genders, or no gender.” Remus listened attentively. Jehan gave a knowing smile.  “But this is not what you asked.”

“No, I guess it’s not.”

“How did I know that I am non binaire? Well, how is it that I know anything else? Let us look at you, for example. Would you say that you are gay?”

“I’m – I’m bisexual, actually.”

“And how do you know this?”

Remus paused, a furrow appearing between his brows as he considered the question.  “I knew I liked Sirius,” he said slowly, “so I thought at first that I was gay.  But that… I don’t know, it didn’t seem quite right. I think that I like some girls as well. Or I could. Bisexual seemed to fit better.”

Jehan’s face lit up.  “Yes, this is it exactly! Gender is the same. You try something for a while, and maybe it does not fit. Then you try another thing. It is okay to keep trying until you find what fits.”

Remus took a long sip of his drink and nodded.

Jehan laid a hand on his shoulder.  “I can see I have given you much to think about, my friend. I will go and make sure the others are not drinking themselves to death. Thank you for your questions. It is nice to be able to speak openly about such things.”

“Thank you for your answers,” Remus replied earnestly.

 It was well past midnight by the time the last of the guests left the dormitory. Peter and James were both snoring loudly on James’s bed. Remus had taken a seat by the window and was watching the stars. Sirius came up and nudged him from behind.

“You coming to bed?”

“Hm?” Remus said, startled out of his reverie. “Oh. Yes, I’m coming.”

“I know that look.” Sirius took a seat across from him, the expression on his face not quite a grin, but carrying a playful air. “What are you thinking about?”

“Something Jehan said.”  They were both silent as Remus considered whether or not to elaborate. His eyes drifted from Sirius’s face back out the window. “Would you still like me if I wasn’t…”

“Wasn’t what?”

“Wasn’t a boy,” Remus finished softly. “I’m not saying that I’m not! Or that I’m a girl. I’m just not sure… that I’m either.”

Sirius took Remus’s hands in his own. “Rem.  I like you for who you are. How you identify isn’t going to change that. And it’s okay if you don’t know yet. We can find out together. Keep trying different things until something sticks.”

Remus ducked his head and smiled.  “That sounds like what Jehan said.”

“Then you have it on good authority that I know what I’m talking about.”

“That, or you were eavesdropping on me earlier.”

Sirius clasped a hand to his chest in mock offense. “I would never! You impugn my honor, good sir!”            Remus grinned. “I didn’t realize you had any to begin with.”

“How dare you! I demand you cease this chatter at once!” Sirius rose and, in one fluid motion, swept Remus out of his seat and carried him across the room, depositing him onto his bed. Remus tried and failed to suppress his laughter, but James and Peter were sound asleep and did not stir.

Sirius leaned down and pressed a kiss to Remus’s temple.  “Good night, Remus Lupin.”

“Good night, Sirius Black.”

[maraudersandlily20]

A Coffee Break

The summer had passed rather quickly after the lake house vacation. The teenagers had spent 12 days soaking up the sun and spending quality time with each other. When Lily had revealed the fact that she and James had kissed and were thinking of being in a relationship with each other to the girls, they had simply screamed. The boys had had a similar reaction. They all snickered and wiggled their eyebrows any time James or Lily even looked at each other. It had been humorous, but the prospect of the new couple soon became regular and was accepted with ease.

The rest of the warm months had flown by. James and his family had gone to India for two weeks in early August. He wrote her a letter almost every day. She thought that was ridiculous, and so wrote him a letter every other day.

To occupy her time and to engage with the real world a little bit more, Lily had gotten a summer job in a cafe. She worked from seven in the morning til 3 in the afternoon. It gave her time in the evenings to do what she wanted, but it also allowed her to have a little money that was her own. The work was menial and the customers were cranky, but she didn’t mind it. In fact, she even enjoyed it.

When James wrote to Lily saying that his cousin was getting married and that they would have to extend their trip for another week, she was disappointed. She had had her hopes set on a nice reunion dinner with James the following friday, but it seemed like an impossibility.

With the Potter’s extending their trip, the days they were gone overlapped with the days that Remus and his father had their annual fishing trip. Which meant that Sirius would have no one but Pettigrew to spend time with. But Peter was also busy. His family was renovating their house and he had been stuck with babysitting duty. Sirius had been alone for two days when Lily got a phone call at the Cafe.

“Lily?” Piper, her manager, called, sticking her head from around back. Lily had heard the phone ring and knew whoever was on the other end must want to speak with her.

“Yeah?”

“There’s a guy on the phone. Says he needs to speak with you and that it’s important.” Lily wiped her hands on her apron, happy that the cafe was having a slow hour. She nodded and said her thanks to Piper before going to the back and picking up the phone.

Though she tried to squash the excitement, she still couldn’t stop herself from hoping it was James. “Hello?” She answered.

“Evans?” That wasn’t James’ voice. Lily’s eyes squinted as she tried to put a name to the familiar voice. Then it clicked.

“Sirius? Is that you?”

“YES! Ah, thank Merlin, I was so worried this wouldn’t work.”

“What, the phone?”

“Yeah. I looked up the number to your cafe in this large yellow book, but there was another store that had a similar name to the cafe and I was worried that I had remembered wrong. I couldn’t send you an owl because you work at a place with muggles and I couldn’t floo to the nearest building because it would be slightly awkward to fall into someone’s house.”

“You could have aparated.” She countered, trying not to laugh.

“I… shit. You’re right. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that. In my defense though, I hate aparating. I always feel like I leave my stomach wherever I go. It’s not pleasant.”

“You just have to get used to it.” Sirius grumbled which made Lily laugh. “Sirius, why are you calling me at work?”

“Lily, I’m going crazy. Everyone is gone. James, Remus, even Peter can’t see me! It’s been two days of bloody soap operas and ordering pizza and I can’t take it anymore. Can I please, PLEASE, come stay you?” “You want to stay over? What do you want me to do, keep you in my closet so my parents don’t realize I have a boy over?”

“That’s one option.”

She huffed. “Sirius, you’re bloody 17 years old. You don’t need someone with you all the time. Come on. You’re being a tad bit ridiculous. And you shouldn’t be calling me while I’m at work.”

“Lily.” the anxiety in his voice was incredibly clear and it made Lily pause her tirade. “I know I shouldn’t call you, but… I just… really can’t be alone right now. I don’t have to stay the night, I’ll just shift into padfoot and sleep outside. But right now, I need someone.”

Lily could hear how stressed he felt about this. She leaned back and took a peek at the clock on the wall. 1:30. It would take Sirius at least 15 minutes to get here, but he’d still have to be in the shop for an hour. It wasn’t ideal, to be sure, but Lily knew how afraid Sirius was of being abandoned. It was the one thing that brought him to a screeching halt in some situations. He would pretend like it wasn’t a big deal, but his thoughts would get the better of him and he would have an anxiety attack, thinking no one would come back for him. She didn’t want him curled up in a ball at the Potters. It would be easier for both of them if he came to the shop.

She sighed, wondering what she would do with him later in the evening. But it was Sirius. He needed her. “Alright, you can come. But I have a few conditions. No pranking anyone in the shop.” He made a noise. “I mean it, Sirius. No pranks. Also, you have to be relatively quiet. This is a small cafe, people don’t come to listen to others jabber. And last thing? No magic.”

“Wow, Evans. You sucked the fun out of this entire situation.” he grumbled which made her laugh.

“I like this job, Sirius. I don’t want to get fired because of you.”

“Fine, fine!” he exclaimed. She could imagine the extraordinary pout on his face as he agreed to her terms. “I have to get a few things together, but then I’ll be there.”

She grinned and said, “Are you going to aparate here?”

There was a sound of admission from the other line. “Yes, Evans. I am going to aparate there. Alright?”

“Alright. Then I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

“Evans?” he called, before she could hang up the phone.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you, for being willing to let me come.”

Lily felt a wave of empathy wash over here. Sirius Black did not like owing favors and avoided situations where they would be required as much as possible. She knew this. But he was swallowing pride for the sake of his mental health. It impressed her. She shook her head incredulously.

“Of course, Sirius. Anytime.” She hung up the phone and went back to work. She went and checked on the customers that were sitting at the tables, refilling drinks wherever was needed. When she headed back toward the counter, Piper was looking at her.

“Who was that? On the phone?”

“A mate.” Lily shrugged.

“A mate?” Piper didn’t sound convinced. Their friendship was new and simple, but the older girl knew that Lily had a lad she was seeing. She wondered if this boy on the phone was the one. “Are you sure about that, Lily?”

Lily looked back over her shoulder as she wiped down the counter. She rolled her eyes at her friend’s suggestive look. “Yes, Piper. He’s just a mate. The guy I’m with, his name is James, he’s in India right now, visiting family. The one coming here is Sirius. He’s been left alone the past few days and he can get pretty bad anxiety over that. He just needs to be with someone for a while.”

Piper held her hands up in surrender. “Alright,” she said. “I’m just saying that it’s a bit odd for him to be calling you at work if you’re not seeing him.”

A laugh escaped Lily before she could stop it. “Me, seeing Sirius. That’s a good one. Just promise me one thing Piper.” Piper looked at her expectantly. “When Sirius comes in, just try not to fall in love with him? It’ll make your life, and mine, to be frank, a whole lot easier.”

Piper held a hand to her heart, her long brown hair suddenly thrown over her shoulder. “I am wounded that you think I would be so weak. I am a strong, independent woman. I do not fall in love with strange men.” This made Lily roll her eyes. She had heard many stories of Piper doing just that. But she let it go. After a minute, Piper looked at her curiously. “Why is your boy in India?”

“Like I said, he’s visiting family. Well, actually, he was supposed to come home this week, but they extended their trip for a wedding, which is why Sirius has been left alone. But he’ll be back soon. I hope.”

“Why didn’t he ask you to come with him?”

“Have you met my parents? They would have laughed themselves into an early grave. He did actually invite me though. I declined because I already knew what the answer would be.”

“Well, that’s boring. You’re an adult now, Lily. You should be allowed to make your own decisions.”

“I’m actually still 16. So, not technically an adult.”

Piper’s eyes widened. “Really? I thought you were 18 for sure.” Lily shrugged and starting to rearrange the pastries. Piper hummed to herself before heading to the register to ring up another customer. This is how they were when Sirius walked through the door.

Lily knew he must have come in by the way Piper had caught her breath. It was a common reaction women had when they saw Sirius for the first time. Lily got up from her crouched position behind the counter and smirked. There he was, in all of his Sirius Black glory. His long, curly hair was a dark contrasted against his ivory skin. The thick eyeliner around his eyes made the green color pop. Lily noticed that he had gotten an earring in his upper ear that was a small, thin hoop. He wore a dark grey t-shirt and a snug pair of black jeans. He was the epitome of a stereotypical bad boy. All he needed was the leather jacket and then the look would be complete.

The redhead could understand why Sirius had such a dramatic affect on those around him. He wasn’t particularly shy and was notorious for staring at people if he felt like it. His half smile could make a grown woman swoon and he was so confident and sure of himself, it was like the rest of the world knew it could never keep up.

However, in the past year, Lily had stripped away many of the layers that came with Sirius Black. She had seen the abuse he endured from his family, she had seen him come to grips with his sexuality, she had been there to help him when he wanted to experiment with his look, and she knew that his bad boy facade was nothing more than a cover for the anxious person underneath.

She rolled her eyes as she clocked the other woman staring at him as he walked in. She had to give it to him. He really knew how to wear those jeans. Sirius sauntered up to the counter wit a smug look on his face. When he got there, Lily leaned over and allowed him to give her a swift kiss on the cheek. Piper was staring at him, her mouth hanging open.

“Hi Evans.”

“Hi Sirius. Glad you made it, stomach intact.” He shot her a bitter look before glancing around the shop. Lily used the time to nudge her friend, though Piper still couldn’t take her eyes off of him.

“I like this place. It’s cute. Nothing like the three broomsticks though.”

“Yeah, that would require us to be a bar.” She quirked an eyebrow at him. He caught sight of Piper who was still staring at him and smirked.

“Sorry, where are my manners. Who is this lovely lady?”

“This is Piper, my manager.” The two shook hands and Piper looked like she was seconds away from falling over entirely.

“Pleasure. I’m Sirius Black. Good to meet you. Now, I believe I am under strict rules, yes?” He turned his attention back to Lily when she had coughed to get his attention.

“Yes. And you know them well. I mean it, Sirius, one step out of line and you’re heading straight back to the Potters.”

He smiled and let out a laugh. “I know, Evans. And I promised I would follow them. Look, I even brought something to occupy myself.” He swung his backpack closer to him and pulled out a book about mythical creatures. “I’ve been meaning to read this. Remus keeps making random references to it in his letters. I figure it’s about time I get into the loop”

She nodded. “How is Remus?”

“Good, I think. He loves that stupid river. He and his dad are having a great time. I just miss him.”

“He’s only been gone for a few days.”

“Well, more than one is too many.”

“You could have gone with him.”

Sirius shook his head. “Nah, it’s one of the only times he has with his old man before the school year. You know Lyall. He would work himself to the bone if it made things easier on Remus.” Lily agreed. Mr. Lupin was an amazing man who loved his son incredibly well. She suspected that his father’s love and support was the only reason Remus had survived becoming a werewolf. “Anyway,” Sirius said, pushing himself off the counter. “I will go to my exile now. Alone. With my book. It was nice to meet you, Piper.”

“And you,” she squeaked out, which made Lily snicker.

“Black, I’ll bring you over a coffee in a few minutes okay?” He perked up and nodded enthusiastically. Lily rolled her eyes and turn to look at Piper who was burning red. “You promised not to fall in love with him, remember?”

Piper waved her off. “That was before I knew he was the most gorgeous man on the planet. Seriously, Lily, you have that guy hanging around you and you’re not with him? He’s like, an 11 on the hottness scale. What is wrong with you?”

She shrugged. “He’s not my type.”

Piper looked unconvinced. “No way. That man is everyone’s type. So what is it?”

“Nothing!” Lily laughed. “I just… I’m not into dark and mysterious. I mean, he’s attractive don’t get me wrong, but if I dated him, I would always be self conscious because he would always look better than me. Sirius is a good person, and I love him, but I know what I like. And James is much more of what I like.”

“Ugh.” Piper grunted. “Gross.” She thought for a minute, deep in contemplation, before asking, “There’s a reason why you’re not interested though, right? Is he an awful person? Is he a bank robber? Is he a moron? Is he diseased? C’mon Lily there has to be a reason.”

Lily’s eyes wandered over to where Sirius sat. He had the book open in front of him and his eyebrows were lowered in concentration. She watched as he even mouthed the words he was reading to make sure he was understanding. “He’s not my type.” She said resolutely. And then, with a pointed look to Piper, she said, “And I’m definitely not his type.”

Her friend paused, trying to make sense of the cryptic message before a look of surprise came across her face. “Oh my god, Lily. Is he gay?”

Lily shrugged, a smile lifting her features before she headed out to help the tables. Piper was reeling in shock and it almost sent Lily over the edge. She made her way over to Sirius and flipped over the mug on his table and poured him some coffee. He smiled appreciatively at her.

“This place suits you,” he said.

“Thanks. I really like it here.”

“Really?” He sounded surprised. “Even though almost everyone in here is a muggle?”

“Well, yeah. I know this is surprising to you, Sirius, but the world has a muggle majority. These people don’t use magic or potions or curses. They just live their lives the best they can and muddle through. I was raised like a muggle. Being around them, even though magic is the regular for me now, helps me ground myself in reality. It reminds me of my childhood, of the things I wanted to do and be when I grew up. I like them. I feel like their lives are simpler than ours.”

Sirius was looking at her curiously. “I’ve never thought about it like that.”

“I know. It’s because you grew up knowing you would most likely be a wizard. That immediately separated you from them. But I think that may be the problem. We’re so focused on the things that separate us that we miss all of the things that make us the same.” Her words seemed to stump him and he bit his lip in thought. “I have to get back to work.”

He nodded. “Can we talk more about this when you’re done working?”

She felt surprised. Sirius, when others brought up things he wasn’t familiar with, usually would try to move on from the subject as quickly as possible. But for some reason, he was willing to learn about Lily’s opinion of things like muggles. After a moment, she gave him a half smile and nodded. “Sure, Sirius. Whatever you want.”

He thanked her again for the coffee and turned his attention back to this book. Lily walked back around the counter and put the her chin in her hand. Sirius Black was a curiosity, that was for sure. Piper sighed dramatically and leaned against Lily’s shoulder.

“That is the sexieset gay man I have ever seen,” she said quietly. Lily laughed and pushed her off.

“Yeah. He’s certainly something.”

[marauders70s]

1556

You got it @6amwritings​. And since you didn’t ask for a drabble - YOU GET ONE ANYWAY YAYYYY and because no one has asked for the less well explored relationships you get Lily + Remus (as friends!) and booklovers

1976 - Fifth Year - On Prefect Rounds

“I always feel slightly guilty,” sighed Remus, as Lily sent a stinging hex behind the bookshelves on the second floor of the library. The Hogwarts Library was three stories and open from the ground floor. It was filled with more books than perhaps anywhere in Britain, but only the first and second floors had seating, the second floor by balcony only overlooking the long rows and wings of the cathedral-like expanse. 

“About what?” Lily asked, grinning smugly as a couple sheepishly emerged from behind the stacks, yelping as they straightened their clothes, not looking at Lily or Remus as they hurried by.

“Stupid fifth years,” muttered the sixth year boy, glaring balefully behind him. “The older prefects don’t care.”

“I could still give you detention!” Lily threatened, and scowling, he walked off, putting his blue tie back on as he went.

“I feel guilty about interrupting,” Remus said as he and Lily resumed walking around the second floor. 

“Why? They have bedrooms,” scowled Lily, scanning shadowy corners for more trysting couples.

“With roommates,” Remus pointed out gently. “It’s this or empty classrooms. I don’t know where else people go.”

“When it’s warm they usually use the boathouse,” Lily said absently, not quite listening. “But now that it’s winter that and behind the greenhouses aren’t available. Makes people a little less cautious - “ she broke off as another, younger, couple broke guiltily apart. They had only been snogging behind the statue of Ptolemy Soter, holding a bundle of crumbling scrolls in his arms as he fled the burning of the library at Alexandria. 

“Bed,” Lily said firmly, not hearing explanations.

Gratefully this time, the two fourth years scurried away, only linking hands when they had started down the nearest stairs to recover their things.

“I mean, I know about the prefect bathroom,” Remus said casually, trying not to look like the complete innocent virgin that he was. He cleared his throat roughly. He hadn’t even kissed anyone. Ever. It didn’t help that he watched Sirius put his tongue down half the girls in their grade - he quashed the thought as Lily laughed.

“It’s much worse walking in on someone you know,” she agreed. “Or at the very least hearing them in the tub area. “But everybody’s creative. The broomcloset down by the Great Hall? Apparently good for a quick shag.”

Remus made a face. “That place? I can barely stand up in there.”

“Well of course you can’t,” teased Lily. “Being so tall and righteous.”

“I’m not,” mumbled Remus, feeling his face tighten with embarrassment. Lily only laid a hand on his arm, pulling him toward the large round stained glass window where several high wingback chairs stood. 

“When I don’t want a fireplace,” Lily said, squaring Remus properly so he could see the dying light peering through the dark thick colors, “I like to sit up here.”

Remus nodded. “I usually work better with a table, but here it’s beautiful.”

“When I didn’t have a lot of friends…you know…in the early years, Sev and I would come up here and talk for hours,” Lily trailed off wistfully, not glancing at Remus.

“He’s spending a lot of time with his new friends,” he guessed.

“They’re not his friends,” scowled Lily. “They’re his ex-bullies. I don’t know why he bothers to-” she took a huge breath and shook her head. “Anyway. I loved this window. It paints the pages you’re reading different colors.”

Remus had a sudden idea. “You’ve been trying to catch up on wizarding literature, right?” 

“Yeah,” Lily laughed, allowing Remus to pull her farther into the wing so they could look at the other shelves and tables full of suddenly productive students. “I’m really behind on fairytales and children’s stories, so I haven’t even gotten to much of the older stuff yet. Mostly the mysteries where you learn spells and pick your adventures. I like those. I wonder how many variations there are, but I can never keep them long enough to see if the words will reprint themselves just one more time. I just want to be able to speak the culture, you know?”

Remus nodded. “There’s a genre I think you’ll like. It’s up here.” He didn’t realize he was towing Lily by the wrist for a moment, but upon realizing it, he dropped her hand like fire. 

She only laughed. 

“It’s…” Remus was scanning the shelves. He remembered some of these books from when he was younger. “Here.” He had found the one he had especially wanted to show her. 

“The Familiar Adventures of an Unfamiliar,” Lily read, turning over the cover in her hands. It had long lost its dust jacket. “What is this about?”

“You read it from the perspective of a cat. A witch’s familiar, you know,” Remus fumbled to make the story as magical as it had felt to him, but it only sounded silly now. “And his adventures.”

“Huh,” Lily said, and he could tell she was trying to be polite.

“No, you’ll love it, I promise. Open it to the first page.”

Lily smiled at him. “Okay,” she promised, hugging it to her chest. “I promise to check it out.”

“No, look, open it now.” Remus was tugging the book from her fingers, flipping it to the familiar chapter 1, the page already beginning to gloss before his eyes with a bright light. He quickly stood behind Lily, lowering the book so her eyes were caught up in the glow. When she gasped, he let the book drop into her stunned and open hands, then stepped back.

Lily was turning her face side to side, pushing it and pulling it from the paper. “Remus,” she said, her voice high and excited, just the way he had hoped it would be. It meant she was a child again, experiencing it for the first time as he had. “Remus, I’m the cat! Look. I can see my paws as I walk forward!” She pushed her head toward the book again. “I can smell the grass! The sky! I can…there she is! Oh.” 

Remus knew which part she had gotten to in the first paragraph, when the familiar trotted over the lawn and into the potions kitchen where his mistress stood. That swell of love and pride and protectiveness. 

“This book has feelings,” Lily’s voice was trembling. She wrenched her gaze from the paper, and the glow of the spell faded. She blinked bright green eyes at him. “How is that possible?”

Remus gave a crooked little smile. “All books have feelings,” he replied. “You just have to be in the right mood to find them.”

Lily closed the book reverently, this time actually pressing it to her chest like a great treasure. “Are all wizarding books like this?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

Remus shook his head. “No, it’s a special type called Interactive Idiometric Glamors, or IIG for short. They mostly make them for young witches and wizards to keep them quiet during traveling or evenings. It’s more similar to television than most things.”

“Better than television,” Lily breathed, stepping back from the bookshelf and glancing at the hundreds of books that stretched before her. “It’s these, right? The ones with the little IIGs on their spines.”

“Yes, they have to label them now,” Remus said, smiling slightly. “In the 1890s people kept reading them at train stations and forgetting their trains or getting off at the wrong station or not watching the time. The country nearly shut down because people wouldn’t walk on the sidewalks or come to work.”

“I can see why,” Lily mumbled, distracted. She was crouching, scanning the titles eagerly, looking for another story. 

“I read a lot of these as a child,” Remus said lightly. He wasn’t about to explain to Lily about being so ill growing up he could hardly get out of bed without excruciating pain. Leaving his body for a glamor where he could be whatever he wanted - young and healthy, old and wise, a cat, a frog, an owl, - it was the ideal his parents had been eager to provide. He always remembered the glow fading at the end of the last page, blinking back into his small brick bedroom, shivering despite the blankets, wishing almost that he could turn back to page one and escape his life even longer. 

“I want to read them all,” Lily said. She turned up an eager, childlike face towards Remus from the floor. “Can you recommend some?”

“Of course,” he said as he bent to catch her elbow. “But maybe when we aren’t on duty.”

Lily sprang up, her face crashing into guilt and remorse. “I forgot! Oh damn! We haven’t nearly finished the library yet!”

“It’s okay,” Remus said, guiding her to the nearest door to the second floor. “Some of them will get away this time.”

The book in Lily’s arms glimmered gold along the Hogwarts library seal and returned to normal after they were out of the double doors. Inside the book, the two week return date had magically appeared on the check-out card with Lily’s name printed neatly beside it. 

“Oh I wish I could run upstairs now,” Lily moaned. She grinned up at Remus however, stuffing the book in her bag. “I haven’t been so excited to read anything since I was a little girl discovering The Secret Garden. Have you read it? It’s my favorite muggle book.”

“No, I haven’t,” Remus said, surprised. He had read quite a lot, on account of his upbringing.

“Oh you’ll love it,” Lily enthused. “It’s a metaphor, you know? The garden - the secret one you know? It’s a metaphor of locking up tragedy and sadness and then letting yourself come back to life through healing and childhood magic and-” she stopped quickly, her cheekbones burning red. “Sorry.”

Remus was looking down at her in amusement. “What? No! Don’t be sorry. The others don’t read much.”

The Others needed no definition. 

“I love to read,” enthused Lily. “Or at least…I did. But then I came here…and reading made me too homesick.” 

Remus pretended not to notice the welling in Lily’s eyes as she looked at her shoes. She quickly pulled out her wand and sent a well-timed stinging hex into the curtains down the hall. Two girls sped out of it, giggling. 

“Do you have it with you?”

“What?”

“The Secret Garden?”

“Oh…actually, yes. It was the one I read when…” she trailed off again, not looking Remus in the face, but somewhere behind one shoulder as they automatically swung up a staircase for the third floor. 

“Want to swap?” Remus said. “I’ll read yours if you read mine.”

Lily’s face broke into a huge smile; looking into her glittering eyes was the sun after a stormcloud. Remus had to smile back.

“Deal,” she enthused. “Come on, if we can round our way back up to the Seventh Floor before midnight, I’ll run up and get you my copy.”

“I may not have it read by the morning,” Remus said in alarm.

“It’s not quite as engrossing as a glamor,” Lily agreed.”But I’ll have to work hard not to stay up all night or I’ll be dead for Herbology.”

“Well we can talk about books any time,” Remus said quickly. “I never get to talk about them.”

“Neither do I,” said Lily ruefully. “Sev isn’t…and the others, Marlene and Mary and Alice and them…well they don’t like reading how I like reading. The first time I saw the library here I think I cried.”

“I was in that Study Hall,” Remus teased. “You did not.”

“Well I felt like it,” said Lily stubbornly. She glanced sidelong at Remus. “Book Club?” she offered shyly.

“What?”

“Where we both read books each other has read, then have tea and talk about them.”

Remus could not have imagined a more perfect afternoon if he tried. He smiled back. “Deal,” he said, and sent the stinging swat behind a statue of the trickster Morgana. 

“Oi!” Sirius said, emerging from behind it. “Watch your aim, Remus, you nearly took my eye out!”

[wrockingwriter]

To Be, or Not to Be: Canon

Before we dive into everything, I want to be sure that we’re all on the same page when we discuss what is and is not Canon. So, a couple definitions:

Fanon is the collection of widely agreed upon information that has little, if any, supporting evidence in the source material. Think things like Hermione’s Parents’ names, or calling Harry, Ron and Hermione the Golden Trio.

Canon is the collection of information found in the source material or from the author/scriptwriter directly. Character names, romantic pairs seen in the books/films, etc.

This panel comes from there being too many different sources of information (original books,  film adaptations, side books (Beedle the Bard, interviews (pre 2009, post 2016, etc) twitter, Pottermore, video games, the Play (which is a debate all its own), the new film franchise) where not all the information adds up. There is conflict, or a character acts in a wholly different way between mediums (Ron) and if you haven’t interacted with all of the material (or sometimes just not enough, or in the same order, as someone else) you could have an entirely different opinion of a character or situation. SOmetimes to the point that you could be having two entirely different conversations at the same time about a single subject and BOTH  be correct.

So I’m going to use a few character examples, and a couple object examples of things that vary wildly between the various pieces of the Wizarding World we all know and love; then I’ll turn the floor over to you guys!

---

I think there are two examples of film-to-book differences that make me the most angry when it comes to characters. First, easily, is Regulus Black, and through him Kreacher. These I’m counting as my first example, as you can’t have one without the other- they’re too connected. 

Regulus Black is often referred to as a more acceptable example of a Slytherin who became a Death Eater and regretted it than Severus Snape (though honestly I don’t see them as particularly similar outside of that). In the films, Regulus is barely a footnote in a conversation, but in the books (despite how similarly brief his story really is) there is so much more depth.

In the film, Kreacher says Regulus ordered ordered him to destroy the locket and he couldn’t. That’s it. I watched that scene a dozen times. What a disservice.

In the books there’s more to it than that. We get a picture painted for us. Sirius had told Harry that Regulus had joined up young, gotten cold feet, and been killed for it. We’re brought into his bedroom, still obviously done in the style of a kid- and one trying to emphasise just how much he was a ‘proper’ Black compared to Sirius. Regulus’ room is entirely done in Slytherin colours, a mural of the Black family crest and motto above his bed, a collection of Daily Prophet clippings about Voldemort… a fanatic.

Kreacher, under duress from Harry’s orders to answer everything truthfully, reveals that Regulus joined Voldemort at 16 and tells the story of the locket. 17 year old Regulus telling Kreacher that he’d volunteered him for a special task, and he was to come home after. We, as readers, know what happened in the Cave- and Kreacher told Regulus all that transpired, and Regulus’ reaction was to be worried for Kreacher, order him to stay hidden/not leave the house, and then go research. Some small time later, Regulus came to see Kreacher while ‘strange, disturbed in the mind’ and ordered him to bring him to the Cave.

Kreacher tells the trio that Regulus sacrificed himself in the Cave. He drank the potion himself, has Kreacher switch the lockets, and ordered Kreacher to leave without him and to never tell his mother what happened.

Regulus Black learned of the Horcrux, and made the choice to not only take what he thought was the ONLY Horcrux and replace it with a fake, or simply ensure (or so he thought) its destruction, or just save his elf from having to endure the potion twice, but he ensured that Voldemort would never discover what he had done via legilimency of himself or his family by dying in the act and ordering Kreacher to never tell his family what had happened.

And, because of all these actions on Regulus’ part, at the battle of Hogwarts Kreacher rallies the House Elves of Hogwarts in Regulus’ name.

---

In the same vein, I’m going to talk about Severus Snape. The films did a great amount of lightening of Snape’s horrid actions- and also did a great disservice to his character with their adaptation of The Prince’s Tale.

So let’s start with the ugly.

Snape is a childish, surly, bully; he took the awful things of his youth and instead of acting against them he allowed himself the awful actuality of becoming that which had so tormented his youth. Instead of refuting, or rising about the bullying, he went to the opposite extreme: make others suffer as I have suffered. He’s worse to some characters- the easiest to name are Harry, Neville, and Hermione. Harry, the (seeming) spitting image of his his bully father; Neville, the other choice for Voldemort that may have spared Lily’s life (though, as we know, the fate of the Longbottoms was no less gruesome, and in some ways more tragic); and Hermione, a brilliant muggleborn witch that likely reminds him very much of Lily.

There is no excusing the deplorable way he treats children. There are reasons, but no excuses, and certainly to forgiveness. The films took great care to not portray some of the worst actions Snape takes with these characters: telling Hermione that he ‘sees no difference’ from the effects of Draco’s curse, telling/instructing Neville to test his Shrinking Solution on Trevor while saying it would likely be poisonous if improperly made; honestly, he was a child’s BOGGART for fuck’s sake. The films made light of these things.

I’ve held lots of Snape panels about Snape’s character; how his morals and emotional maturity (or lack thereof) were shaped by his past, but that’s an entirely different talk. But what makes me most angry is how they handled The Prince’s Tale. The film pretty much erases all of his growing up with Lily, the ways he interacted with Petunia- it gave the very bare bones and then interspersed it with these bits of him cradling Lily’s dead body. Let’s ignore the moments before, of Lily telling infant Harry that he’s loved, as they literally make no sense as he wasn’t there.

Actually, the whole sequence makes no sense. But the memories they chose to keep tell a fraction of the story. They shift the viewer’s opinions from being based upon his actions with the kids/sacrifices in the wake of the Potters’ death to being about his ignoring a crying infant child to cradle the body of his dead ex-friend which didn’t actually happen.

Yes, I have some strong opinions about this.

---

We also, going by the films, know literally none of the essential information about Tom Riddle. We’re also robbed of the moment the Wizarding World sees the monster they’ve feared all this time was only a man all along. There is no explanation of the Defense Against the Dark Arts curse, or how the Horcruxes were chosen. 

By this point in the films, they assume that the viewer has read all the books and can fill in the (copious) holes they’ve left themselves. Merope who? Morfin? Mrs. Cole? Hepzibah Smith? Hokey?

The films made Voldemort into an inhuman monster, which completely derailed so much of the series’ messages about growth, humanity, choice, and change. From Dumbledore to Harry to Voldemort, we are shown all these moments that shape them and those just don’t exist in the films.

---

What about items? 

I’m skipping over the Horcruxes entirely to jump to the item whose entire existence in the films frustrates the crap out of me: the Mirror. Sirius’ mirror, the ‘small, square, old-looking mirror’ that Sirius and James would use to talk to one another while in separate detentions. The one that’s supposedly the size of a book. 

What the hell is the serving tray that’s hanging on Aberforth’s wall in the Hog’s Head?? Even more importantly, where did movie!Harry even get the Mirror shard in the first place?

Time Turners! Let’s not forget the Time Turners that were all destroyed FOR A REASON in the Battle of the Department of Mysteries. If we go by Pottermore information, (which I do so lightly) the Hour-Reversal Charm that’s encased in the sand is an incredibly unstable bit of magic. Realistically, how could 19 years not only stabilise the Charm but amplify it exponentially to the point we see in The Play? We don’t know how long it took to develop the Charm in the first place, but with Croaker’s Law forming the 5-hour limit, why/how could someone have developed a device that went that much farther back without notice if the 5-hour limit is due to serious harm befalling both the traveller and time itself?

---

Though not items, the repeatedly Ghosts and House Elves are entirely ignored by the films until they were needed in a way that couldn’t just be passed on to another character (cough, Neville having all of Dobby’s important moments, cough) and Peeves is erased entirely. These characters were important and helped shape out characters into people. Dobby and Winky’s lives brought forth Hermione’s anger at perceived injustices; Harry’s talks and overall odd relationship with Nearly Headless Nick display his wanting to be as kind and helpful as he can be; Peeves’ relationship with the Weasley Twins was just… so much.

It’s understandable that things got cut, it’s natural, there is no way to tell both a complete narrative from a book-perspective in a film and have a decent film. It’s just not possible to have it all in there. But the problem is WHAT got cut- Helena Ravenclaw was important. Hokey the House Elf, Merope- they were important. Why didn’t they just ask JK more often what was important to keep??

Any gravitas and heartbreak you’re supposed to feel for Dobby when he dies just isn’t there because we don’t know him.

---

But enough on that end- let’s get to the other layers of this talk.

How many kinds of informational sources are there for the Wizarding World?

*This is MY breakdown:

Tier 1: Word of God (circa early-2009 and before), books 1-7, Quidditch Through the Ages, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them textbook, Tales of Beedle the Bard, JK site reveals (WOMBAT, family trees, etc) and the current Fantastic Beasts films.

Tier 2: HP film adaptations, Pottermore, JK interviews post-2009, video game information

Tier 3: Cursed Child, JK Twitter, deleted scenes from the films that were not in the books.

FOR ME this works, because I feel like things like interviews and such depend so much on the context and timing of being said. Is the author in that headspace, where they know all the extraneous information that never made it into print? Or are they making snap decisions without research into their own world? Even Philip Pullman (Golden Compass) needed to refer to an outside compendium of information while writing the newest books in the series.

As a writer I know that it’s hard to keep track of everything in my universe at whim, so I take timing into account. Especially when things conflict- like Minerva McGonagall in Crimes of Grindelwald but I’m hoping there’s a better explanation for her presence than JK not knowing how time works a la Prisoner of Azkaban.

---

The question, from what I can see, becomes less of a ‘what’s true’ and far more of a ‘what counts.’ Do we go by what was said, or what she’s saying? Where do we, the community that’s taken the World and made it ur own, draw the line between Canon facts and Fanon fiction? And how can we bridge the gap between people whose core Canon understandings differ hugely from our own?

In a circumstance like this, where the universe is still an ever-expanding thing, to know Canon from Fanon is incredibly difficult. Adaptations alone are both blessing and curse, but at least there one can say that there is a definitive source material- or make very clear that one is vastly different from the other (like Walking Dead, by having the series take a different choice at a crossroads).

But with a creator who continuously expands the world, and reimagines the things that we know (or assume to know) as true, there seems to e no way to say that something is 100% true- even once it’s been recorded in black and white.

It seems, to me at least, that the only real solution is for each of us to make the decision for ourselves- and that isn’t really a solution at all. But until a least the things we could consider to be common knowledge stop changing, I don’t see another solution.

But do you?

[marauderingbad-blog]

One Was Gold

A Chronology of Lily and Severus’ Friendship: Year Three

Part 3/7

Read the Full Story on AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/11690688/chapters/26319129

The Hogwarts express slowed and eventually came to a groaning halt as it reached Platform 9 ¾ . Lily kneeled on the seat in her compartment with her face pressed against the glass, looking for her parents and sister. Finally, she caught sight of her father’s graying, faded auburn hair and two familiar blondes--it was never hard to spot them, really, in their Muggle clothes. Lily beamed and waved at them enthusiastically--Marlene, Mary, and Dorcas were also squeezed in at the window, waving to their respective families. Lily’s parents caught sight of her gave and waved back enthusiastically; Petunia was clearly sulking with her arms crossed, regarding the wizarding families with open disdain. Lily tried to trick herself into not noticing.

“Well!” Lily said, bouncing back into her seat. “Our third year, all done. Make sure to write, yeah?” she said to the girls.

“We’ll have to go to another Quidditch match together!” said Marlene.

“And I want to see another Muggle movie,” Dorcas chimed in.

“Just one? I want to see like, twelve!” Mary added.

Lily laughed. “We’ll have to make a list! But yes, let’s do all of those things, I want to see you lot as often as possible,” Lily smiled. She gave each a tight, long hug in turn before they went off their separate ways to find their families.

Heaving her trunk off the train, Lily ran over to her family; her father caught her in his arms, lifting her off the ground. “My Lily,” he said, kissing her cheek. “How we’ve missed you,” he told her, then set her down.

“Darling,” greeted Lily’s mother, hugging her tightly and kissing the top of her head.

“Mum,” she said fondly. Lily peeked at Petunia over their mother’s shoulder; Petunia’s arms were still crossed and lips pursed.

“Tuney,” said Lily, as brightly as she could manage in the face of her sister’s determined aloofness. “I missed you,” she said truthfully--if, perhaps, foolishly--and hugged her sister, who returned it in the weakest, lamest way possible.

As Petunia quickly let go, Lily spotted Potter, who looked to be with his grandparents. The older woman was hugging him tightly and kissing his cheek. Potter made eye contact with Lily over her shoulder, and suddenly blushed profusely.

“Mum,” he groaned. “You're embarrassing me, there are people everywhere. People I know.”

Lily was mildly surprised to overhear that these were his parents--then she smirked as his mother pinched his cheeks. “Oh, you think I care that I’m embarrassing you?” Lily heard her ask. “You’re cute,” she retorted, then tried to smooth his hair down, much to Lily’s amusement. “Honestly, James, have you forgotten what a brush is? Why don’t you ever use your father’s potion? He invented it for your stubborn type of hair, you know.”

“Mum,” James practically growled, eyes still darting over to Lily, who was full out laughing at this point.

“Ah, the boys nowadays want to look like this, Effie,” explained Mr. Potter. “In my day, it was all about the slicked back look. Very difficult for me to manage,” he said.

“Yeah, well, your day was in the nineteen-teens, Dad. It’s the seventies now.”

“Is that one of your friends?” Lily’s mother asked, noticing her eavesdropping on the Potters.

“Oh, no,” said Lily, offended. “No, not at all. Just enjoying seeing him embarrassed is all.”

“That’s not very nice, Lily,” her father remarked.

“Nah, it’s good for him,” Lily insisted. “He’s not very nice.”

“Oh, there’s Severus,” Lily’s mum said suddenly. “Severus!’ she called, waving.

“Mum,” Petunia hissed, alarmed. “Why’re you calling him over here?”

“He’s my friend, Tuney, be nice,” Lily hissed right back.

In stark contrast from Lily’s warm homecoming, after several moments of mild searching, Severus came to accept that his mother was not present on the platform. The sounds and sensations of excitement surrounded him: Exalted families reuniting, trunks dragging and teetering, owls hooting and rattling in their cages. But Severus very much felt as if he were on the outside of all of this joy looking in, disconnected. Her absence wasn’t entirely unexpected--as each year passed Severus’ father became more and more angry, which in turn made his mother more and more dismal.

Severus swallowed this disappointment like thick treacle. He felt very much alienated by how different he felt from everyone else on the platform that day--well, almost everyone. In the midst of his somber, faint-hearted search, Severus’ eyes glimpsed Black approach a towering, skeletal woman with his same black hair and grey eyes. Obviously this was his mother, as indicated by her dark, intricate, custom-made robes and upturned nose. This woman clearly had never even considered wearing muggle clothes a day in her life.

Black wore a sour, humorless expression as he stood before her. He turned and met Severus’ eye just for an instant. But in that second, Black and Severus shared their first and last moment of sullen understanding.

Severus nearly jumped from surprise when he heard his name being called. He half-expected (hoped, really) to see his mother standing there, but instead his eyes fell upon Mrs. Evans. He sighed a bit as he dragged his trunk towards the Evanses, knowing he’d now have to make up some excuse yet again for his family’s negligence.

“Hello,” he said tonelessly to Mr. and Mrs. Evans. His eyes shifted with disinterest past Petunia, and he avoided making eye contact with Lily entirely. She would know instantly what was going on if he looked at her--she probably already knew.

Lily did, indeed, surmise fairly quickly that Severus’ mother must not have come, and she would never have expected his father to willingly surround himself with all this magic. Petunia probably quite agreed with him in this regard, but their parents left her with no choice but to come.

Even if she hadn’t know, however, her mother's next words would have given it away.

“Hello, Severus, dear,” she smiled. “Have a good year?” she asked warmly. “I ran into your mother the other day at the grocery store, she asked if we’d be able to pick you up from the platform, so you'll be coming with us, dear.”

Petunia looked as if she might be sick, sending imploring looks to her parents--looks which were utterly ignored.

“We were thinking, though, of stopping for lunch in London,” Lily's father said. “Would that be alright with you, Severus, or are you very eager to get home?”

Lily cringed at the cluelessness of her father's question. Of course, Lily was the one who kept him clueless, carefully dodging questions of Severus’ home life for his sake--she was never quite sure if she was doing the right thing in this regard.

“Yes, my mum’s second-cousin up in Sheffield developed a bad case of mumblemumps.” Severus felt he had used a similar excuse before but he was too disheartened to be creative.

At Mr. Evans’ invitation, Severus shuddered. All he really wanted was to hide away from the world until September. “That’s fine,” he mumbled. “But is it alright if I wear my uniform? I forgot to pack myself muggle clothes..” In truth, Severus was no longer a little boy and the sad excuse of clothing his parents supplied for him were no longer acceptable for public display. His eyes flicked to Lily and he held her gaze fleetingly.

Lily caught Severus’ look, offering him an uncertain smile--uncertain, because she was worried about it coming across as too sympathetic or pitying, so her face muscles weren't quite sure what she wanted them to do.

“Yes, of course, not a problem at all,” Mr. Evans said easily--Petunia stared up at him in horror and disbelief, yet again.

“Bye, Evans!” James called over, and seemed to regret it as soon as his eyes landed on Snape. Lily coolly ignored him. With his parents there, she guessed he surely wouldn't say anything too snide if he didn't want to hear it from them at home. “Snape,” he mumbled, grabbing both his parents by the elbows and steering them swiftly towards the exit of the platform.

The Potters were soon joined by the Lupins and Pettigrews who all greeted one another fondly. James gave Sirius a distant, forlorn wave goodbye as the three families made their exit. James’ mum refused to even be in the presence of Sirius’ mother after Walburga had shouted at Euphemia last year about how James was corrupting her son--Mrs. Potter had infamously said she simply wouldn't stand for such disrespect from a mere child like Walburga Black.

Lily watched the three families carefully, trying to set a slow pace so that they wouldn't again be on top of one another. It was easy enough with her parents, who were content to take in as many magical sights as they could. It was Petunia who was the problem, she was walking so fast she was dangerously close to Potter.

Considering how well Severus knew Lily, he rapidly discerned her woes of their proximity to Potter by her behavior. He burst ahead just a bit, then stopped abruptly, allowing himself to back into Petunia. When she stumbled, Severus mumbled a feigned apology, stating something about his truck getting snagged on the pavement.

Although his scheme had left a more expansive margin between them and Potter, the distraction was noticed by Avery and Avery senior who were conversing with Mulciber and Mulciber senior.

“Snape!” Avery called.

Severus groaned and shook his head in disbelief. This was the opposite of hiding from the world. He stepped a few paces away from the Evanses and mixed in a bit with the flowing horde. He thought he might have escaped them once he was out on the street in front of Kings Cross, but, alas, they jogged breathlessly to his side.

“Where are you going?” Mulciber asked.

“Home. Obviously.”

“By yourself?”

“Yes.”

Severus eyed the Evanses wearily, it was a difficult balancing act--staying close enough to them but not too close to incur suspicion.

“But how do you know the way?” Avery asked with confusion.

Severus rolled his eyes at this question and scoffed. “I’m not even going to dignify that with a response.”

Unfortunately, to Severus’ dismay, Avery then noticed the Evanses nearby.

“Well, well--it’s the mudblood’s muggle family. They look even more like rubbish than I thought they would,” Avery mocked and Mulciber laughed darkly.

Luckily, the Evanses were currently distracted by the fact that Black had escaped his mother’s company and now stood next to Lily, since she was the closest person to a friend that he could find--which said a lot about his relationship to all of the other people around them.

“Hi Evans, and other Evansies,” he grinned at all of them with a smile that even at thirteen made most females weep.

Petunia turned at the greeting and seemed to let go of her enduring hatred of magic for just a moment as she blushed profusely at Sirius’ greeting and smile, “Oh, hello,” she said pleasantly. “Are you a friend of Lily’s? I’m Petunia, her sister” she said, eagerly extending a hand to Sirius.

Lily gaped at her sister as she beheld this incredible display. Normally, Petunia acted as though she was about to catch something contagious and deadly from wizards, yet one look at Sirius and she was sweet as could be. Lily collected herself and snorted. “No,” she said, “This is not my friend.”

Petunia frowned. “Why not?”

“Lily, please. You should be friends with everyone,” insisted their mother. “Hello, dear,” she said to Sirius. “What’s your name?”

Although the Evanses were blissfully unaware of the slurs fired against them, Severus’ gaunt face had turned red with rage at Avery’s insult. He opened his mouth to say something just when Regulus Black joined the little group and interrupted him.

“Mulciber, Avery, your dads are about to apparate without you.” Even though Regulus was a year younger than them, he was more perceptive than those two dimwits combined. Severus might have even liked him if his entire life didn’t revolve around trying to one-up his cleverer, more popular, and even handsomer older brother.

Mulciber and Avery quickly scampered off like roaches to find their fathers without saying another word. Regulus turned back to Severus with a scolding glare.

“Don’t be stupid,” he warned, gesturing his head towards the Evans family a bit of a ways off just before his mother appeared at his shoulder.

“Where’s your brother?” Mrs. Black asked Regulus coldly, shooting Severus an undeserving glare. Then, like a hawk, she scanned the area and spotted her eldest son with the Evanses.

“SIRIUS BLACK. WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT TALKING TO MUGGLES.”

All of the Evans looked shocked by the sudden outburst--all except for Lily, whose cheeks reddened not in embarrassment, but in anger, as the glint in her eye would surely confirm. Still--this was a tricky situation, Lily didn’t know how to engage combatively with a parent, and even if she refused to let it show through her defiant countenance, Lily had to admit to herself that Sirius’ mother was quite fearsome to behold.

“Excuse me, what did you call us?” Mrs. Evans demanded.

“Oh, don’t mind her,” Sirius explained to Lily and the Evans family, clearly unfazed by the outburst. “She’s not used to being out of her coffin.” With that, he shook Petunia’s still outstretched hand and sulked off with his mother.

Petunia stared after Sirius in horror, not at all certain if he was joking or not.

Regulus gave Severus one last look before joining his family.

Severus would have sneered at this entire exchange but the combination of his mother’s negligence and his near public defence of the Evans family left him feeling vulnerable and even more somber. He re-joined Lily and turned straight to her parents.

“I’m sorry. I’m not feeling well. I think I’ll just go home. You go ahead to lunch, I can take the knight bus back home.”

Lily’s parents were alarmed by this idea, exchanging looks with one another that clearly said they both agreed they wouldn't allow Severus to go home on his own.

“We don’t need to stop for lunch, I’d really rather you not go home alone, especially when you’re not feeling well and when your mother asked us to pick you up,” Mrs. Evans insisted. “We can go straight home to Cokeworth instead, drop you off, and have lunch there, so it’s no trouble,” she assured him. Mrs. Evans also thought it was ridiculous to expect a thirteen year old boy to make it all the way back from London on his own--to think of all the terrible things that could happen.

Petunia, on the other hand, sneered and frowned deeply as though it was a great deal of trouble indeed.

“Yes. fine,” Severus muttered, keeping his gaze on his shoes.

~~*~~

Severus sat on a less littered area of the grassy bank overlooking the filthy river of Cokeworth. It wasn’t a tranquil or pretty site to say the least. The surrounding area was blanketed in a thick fog caused by the chimneys of the endless identical brick homes that lined the water. Off in the distance, a run-down mill could be seen, rocking uselessly with the wind.

No, this side of Cokeworth wasn’t much to regard, especially in contrast to the majesty of Hogwarts, but this had always been Severus’ place. He would come here to be alone, to escape his volatile home environment. Now, Severus was really just hoping to escape his own thoughts. Tears leaked from his eyes and rolled off of his chin as his thoughts lingered on his mother’s absence and his failure to stand up for his best friend and her family, who had been more welcoming to him than his own parents ever were.

But what would standing up for them have done, really? Would it have shifted anyone’s cemented prejudice? Would it have stopped future cruelty? No, probably not. Certainly, though, it would have destroyed Severus. If the Slytherins turned against him then he would truly be alone.

He tried to distract himself by pulling out his copy of The Two Towers and forced himself to read.

Lily always knew where to look for Severus when she wanted to find him--she knew all his favorite haunts as well as her own; in fact, many of his favorite places were hers as well. The bank by the river wasn’t necessarily one of those mutually beloved spots--Cokeworth in its entirety was fairly grimy--everything seemed to be coated in pollution--but the river had to be one of the absolute grimiest places. Her grandparents could still remember a time when you used to be able to swim in it or take a boat out if the current wasn’t too harsh--those days were clearly long since past. Lily frequently wrote letters and petitions to the city council about the desecration of the local environment, but all they seemed to care about was commerce.

Still, after she’d gotten home from lunch with her parents and Petunia, Lily had a strong feeling that she would find Severus there. He didn’t seem to be in high spirits, not that Lily could blame him in the least, and the river was a fitting landscape for low-spirited individuals.

Lily had already changed back into her Muggle clothes--she frequently donned them on the weekends at Hogwarts, anyway, as most non-purist kids did, but she usually added some magical accouterments, even if it was only her robes over them. Now, Lily had no robes on, just a yellow jumper tucked into a plaid skirt, white knee socks, and loafers.

She spotted the top of Severus’ head first and smiled a bit at her talent for finding him. It felt good to know someone as well as she knew Severus.

“Hey,” she said simply, sliding into the spot on the grass next to him. “Oh, I could really read those again this summer,” she said dreamily, noticing the title of the book. One of the things Lily most looked forward to in the summer was being at liberty to read anything she liked.

Severus wasn’t in the least surprised when Lily found him. They always knew how to find each other at home. He just wished he had cleaned himself up a bit better before she arrived.

“Yes, I missed them,” he replied, carefully keeping his stare on the pages.

“Sorry for making you come home early…” he went on with melancholy. “I just...Couldn’t be there with so many people around.” He frowned.

Lily shrugged, “It’s okay, I didn’t mind,” she said truthfully. Even if Cokeworth was nothing like the Scottish countryside, or even London, she still always found she genuinely missed home--she liked the familiarity of their favorite restaurant at home and the way her room felt like a new place the first day she got back.

She watched Severus for a minute longer, then looked back out at the river--she could tell he was still upset, and she suspected he may have been crying, but she wasn’t entirely sure about that. She had a strong urge to ask him how he was, but Lily knew that if Severus was actually going to tell her, then he just would, and if she asked, she might scare him off.

“If they would just put a garbage bin here there would at least be less litter,” she remarked instead. “I should write to someone about it--I doubt it will do any good, but I’ll at least have done my part.” Lily’s father was a history and government teacher, and he always tried to instill Lily and Petunia with a strong sense of civic duty. It had worked on Lily, at least.

Severus listened to Lily speak as he stared out at the water. He wasn’t processing what she was saying but the sound of her voice comforted him. It reminded him that they were away from Hogwarts now, away from everything and everyone. Severus didn’t have to be defensive here, he could just be with Lily.

Fresh tears began to well in Severus’ eyes, but this time he didn’t actively hide them from Lily. “She didn’t even look up from the couch when I came in,” he began suddenly, his voice quivering. “She’s so unhappy, I used to make her happy.”

It took all of Lily’s will power not to cry at the sight of Severus crying--it made her profoundly sad just to see him sad, but she needed to be the strong and supportive one now.

Lily wrapped her arm firmly around Severus’ shoulders, leaning her head against his.

“She loves you, Sev,” said Lily. “But it can’t be all on you to make her happy,” she said. “She--everyone, really, has to find happiness inside of themselves before anything else.” Lily sighed, “But it’s not always so easy to do.”

Severus nodded slowly and wiped his face on the sleeve of his school sweater.

“You’re right, I just--I just wish I could change that for her. I wish I could change a lot of things...” he then broke apart from her just slightly so that he could turn to look at her. “Are you happy, Lily?”

Lily nodded--of course, she imagined one of the main things he must have wished he could change was his father, though, she didn't say it. Lily couldn't imagine what Severus could really do about him.

She considered the question, then answered with a decisive, “Yes.” Overall, Lily had much to be happy about, she had good friends, good parents, and a good education. “I mean...obviously there are things that bother me,” she admitted. “Like...well, Petunia,” she said, since this was the most immediate thing on her mind. Petunia had sulked the whole ride home and all through lunch.

“I seem to make her miserable just by being around, and I try so hard to be sensitive and considerate of her feelings. I get why she would be jealous. I try not to go on too much about school and asking her things about her self, but she barely even answers,” Lily said and rubbed her forehead. “We just...used to be so close. I always think I can fix it, but every break I'm less and less sure of that.”

Lily sighed. “Now it probably sounds like I'm not happy, but I am. I try not to let my happiness be affected by things I can't control, and Merlin knows I can't control Petunia.”

She then looked over carefully at Severus, “Are you happy, Sev?” she asked.

Severus’ eyes rounded a bit when he heard his question turned onto him. He held Lily’s gaze as he contemplated his answer. Happiness was complicated and volatile for Severus, which made it difficult to quantify. But there was a happiness that he was sure of--one that was always unwavering.

“I am happy when I’m with you.”

Lily smiled, though she wished he could say he was happy most of the time. She hadn’t exactly expected him to say that, though, and she appreciated the honesty.

“I’m happy when I’m with you, too,” she told him. Lily hesitated for a moment--although she’d always known Severus had a difficult life, she thought he was happier at Hogwarts than he’d just implied. He seemed well-liked by the other Slytherins, and that gave him a certain amount of status at school. Of course, Potter and Black gave him trouble, but Severus always got them back. If he wasn’t fully happy at school, was it to do with his friends?

“Aren’t you happy with Avrey, Mulciber, and Wilkes, too, though?” she asked gently. As much as she didn’t like them and as much as they sometimes made her jealous, when faced with Severus’ unhappiness, she found herself hoping their friendship was genuine.

“Most of the time,” Severus answered honestly. “But it isn’t quite the same.”

Truthfully, despite the Slytherins' purist hostility, Severus did consider them to be good friends of his. But meeting Lily after years of neglect and cruelty at home had introduced him to true happiness. Nothing else compared.

Lily nodded, feeling better at the reassurance that his friends made him happy.

“I know what you mean,” she said. “I love Marlene and Mary and Dorcas, but it’s not quite the same either,” Lily agreed. “But maybe it’s not meant to be the same. Childhood friends are something...different, something special,” she smiled. “We’re lucky we were able to stick together.”

Severus smiled a bit sheepishly in response. If it wasn’t for the lack of coloration in his complexion he may have even blushed. It thrilled him to know he was special to her--not that this was news, of course, but still. Hearing it aloud made it all the more real.

“I promise I’ll spend more time with you next year. We’re not little kids trying to fit in anymore, it’ll be different.”

Lily smiled optimistically, choosing to take Severus at his word. “I’d like that,” she said. “And I’ll be here for you all summer, whenever you need me.”