#and liliana too while I’m at it ‘cause why not

[lavender-temult]

Otohan Thull. How does your hair work

[elliespillowprincess]

SHES MY DRUG

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pt 1

pt 2

pt 3

a/n: this is my first ever (kinda) fic so it kinda sucks and is all over the place.. rockstar/band ellie has been on my mind too much lately so yk i had to.

c/w: modern au, reader is in college (premed), biker ellie!!! smut!, reader/ellie are high/drunk during sex, cum eating, fingering (r!receiving) mentions of smoking, drinking and drugs (reader and ellie), angst :(, fem reader, plus size reader, insecure reader, fluff, race of reader not specified, TERRIBLY WRITTEN, not proofread

WHY YOU SHOULD NOT SUPPORT NEIL DRUCKMANN

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the next morning, you wake up unsure of where you are. you look around the room, its messy and there’s clothes, food, and drinks everywhere. you lift your head and look to the right and see none other, than ellie williams.

what the fuck happened last night?

you look down, noticing you aren’t wearing the clothes you chose yesterday. you’re wearing her fucking merch, no shorts on. she’s sleeping softly, her head pressed into the pillow.

did the two of you fuck last night?

you attempt to get out of bed silently, as to not wake up the girl next to you. standing up, you try to look for your clothes so you’re at least a little covered up. you see your phone on the table, and a million text messages appear on the screen as you wake it.

lili😦: where are u?

dude i saw abby

u ok?

when did you slip away?

where are you

hello???

do u have no service?

ur scaring me y/n seriously

please answer me

im going to security

they told me you left with ellie williams????

wtf??

HELLO??

your stomach sinks as your haze ellie had over you caused you to not think straight. “fuckkkkk!!” you curse yourself, starting to type quickly.

you: omg i’m so so sorry lili

i didn’t mean to scare u

i saw abby she was saying all kinds of shit to me

i’m okay though ill be home soon

we’ll talk then ok?

you set your phone down and begin searching for the rest of your things. tripping over the bottles on the floor. as you’re about to leave, you look over at ellie. quickly, you grab a tissue and write a note for her on it. sorry, i have to go!! here’s my number if u want it? (xxx)-(xxx)-(xxxx).

“where the hell did you go?? i was so worried dude!!” lili shouts at you. you can tell she wasn’t really mad, just more concerned. you guys never go anywhere without telling each other. you have each others locations, but you absentmindedly turned it off while drunk last night. after leaving the hotel, you called an uber and headed home.

“lili im sorry, people were rude at the concert and i went to get some air!!” you defend yourself. “air? how did you end up with her? she’s trouble, y/n. did you guys fuck? were you sober?” you place both hands on your face, trying to clear your mind. “no, we just, cuddled? i don’t know.” liliana takes a deep sigh before pulling you into a tight hug. “just.. don’t do it again. you really scared me.” hugging her back, the two of you decided to go out to lunch and enjoy your day off of no classes.

“did you hear what happened with that camilla chick?” the two of you had been gossiping over your now cold soup for hours. talking about whatever drama was currently happening in your small town. suddenly, you get a text.

???: hey pretty girl.

your eyes widen and liliana immediately starts asking questions, being nosy. “what? who is it? what’d they say?? bitch tell me i can’t read your face!!” you smile as you say in shock, “it’s ellie williams!!” liliana lets out a gasp with you as she leans over the table, trying to see what she said. you turn your phone around when another text buzzes on your phone. “WOAH!!! bitch she really wants you!!” you flip around the phone to see what the girl texted you next.

???: where’d you run off to? reached for u this morning n u weren’t there

your face immediately turns a shade of pink. how is this happening? how many girls who hookup with her get a text the next day? you two didn’t even hook up!! you begin typing on your phone, more excited now. “what are you gonna say?” liliana asks you. “ummm… what should i say?” you keep typing and deleting texts, overthinking it. “ask her to hangout! you know, when you guys are sober?”

you: hey i’m so sorry!

my friend was really worried about me

i was with her and disappeared n didn’t respond

it doesn’t take long before the bubbles appear on your screen once again, a message appearing. you decide to change her contact name.

ellie🤭: don’t worry abt it

u free today?

heard there was a party on 97th tn? dk where that is

��she just basically invited me to a party! what do i say??” you look up at liliana, waiting for her to make a decision for you. “if you don’t go, ill kill you.” you weren’t a big party person in general, especially not on nights when you had an 8 am class the next day. “i don’t know, i have to wake up early tomorrow..” “she’s probably leaving town tomorrow, this might be your last chance! cmon you’re dumb if you don’t go.” you sigh, replying to her.

you: yeah i’m free!

nathan’s parties r always pretty good, he’s part of the richest family here

it was seconds before another reply came in.

ellie🤭: send me your address

picking u up at 8

it was 7:34, you’re adding touches to your makeup. you’re extremely nervous, i mean who wouldn’t be? you were about to hangout with a rockstar! you wanted to make a better impression than last night. applying a final layer of lipgloss, you look at yourself in the mirror. having asked for liliana’s help once again, you find yourself in a similar outfit to the night before. you’re wearing a pair of low rise jeans, another leather jacket to keep you warm, and her shirt. you dreaded washing it because it had the musk of cigarettes, weed, and her cologne. was it too bold to wear her shirt? probably. you tied it in the back, making it look tighter and shorter.

walking to the fridge, you grab a seltzer and wait for ellie’s text indicating she was there. plopping on the couch, liliana walks in. “look at you!! you’re bold as fuck for wearing her shirt, it looks good!” she says, sitting down next to you. “just make sure you leave your location on okay? and give me updates when you can.” you didn’t mind how much she checks on you, knowing you do the same thing. “i will, don’t worry.” the two of you talk mindlessly until you get a text.

ellie🤭: here

your heart skips a beat, and you quickly get up, grabbing your bags. walking to the front door, you take a deep breath as liliana walks behind you, waiting to lock the door after you leave. “it’ll be fun, don’t worry.”

“holy shit. you look gorgeous.” ellie says as you walk to her bike. you blush nervously as she hands you her helmet, helping you on. she’s wearing a pair of baggy jeans, paired with another one of her merch shirts. does she never get cold? “look at you! you look amazing.”

after speeding through cars, you arrive at the party. she helps you off and locks both of the helmets in her seat, grabbing your hand and leading you into the party. you were shocked at her straightforwardness, and partially worried that someone would recognize her. she notices your discomfort on your face, and asks you, “what’s wrong?” she asks, turning to you, stopping the two of you just before you step into the house. “nothing! jus worried people are gonna flock to you.” she smiles. “im only performing one song for them, ill make sure you’re right upfront ‘kay?” you smile softly and nod, following her into the house.

“next up, we got ellie williams!!” you hear the familiar voice of nathan say. “follow me.” she guides you to the front, pushing people aside to make sure you get the best view before she stands on the make-shift stage. she looks slightly annoyed, but grabs a guitar, tuning it and starting to play. cold heaven. you recognize the song as one she played at the festival the day prior. she’s strumming, singing, all while looking at you. it felt like a fantasy, it felt like the two of you were the only people in that room. girls were screaming and offering her drinks, to which she ignored. you just watched her, watched how her long fingers strummed the guitar effortlessly. how sweat dripped down her forehead. how her mouth remained opened in between lyrics.

she was hot.

your stomach began feeling warm as you sipped on whatever seltzer you found in the fridge of the house. the room felt fuzzy. the finished the song with a loud “thank you everyone!”, waving off the stage to find you. you wiggled your way out of the crowd, looking for ellie. that’s when you saw her, looking around for you when her eyes laid on yours, her face lighting up. she walks up to you, wrapping her arm around the small of your back. everything she did was so forward, but it also felt respectful.

“wanna get outta here?”

that’s how you ended up in your bedroom, sharing a blunt between the two of you on your bed. the room is filled with smoke. liliana had headed out for the night after you texted her that you were heading home, she knew. “whatcha looking at mama?” you hear ellie say. you were lost in a trance of her, admiring every little freckle on her face. her voice was raspy, and she was analyzing your expressions. “nothin’, jus you.” you smile at her. she inches closer to you, leaning in. “just me?”. her tone, her expressions, her hair falling perfectly, her hands inching closer, smoke entering your nose, everything is too much. you can’t control yourself, and the mix of alcohol and weed causes you to become confident. you lean in and grab her neck with both hands, placing a deep kiss on her lips.

what the fuck? why did you just do that? you barely know her! she probably gets girls begging for this constantly.

you’re just another girl.

she pulls you back, and looks at you closely. “are you sure? we don’t have to do anything.” you look at her, surprised at her even asking. you eagerly nod your head, looking at her expectantly. she puts the still lit joint into the ashtray next to your bed. “use your words, princess.” you grabbed her hands and placed them on your cheeks, rubbing your face into them. “yes els, i’m sure.” she smiles at you before placing a slow, soft kiss on your lips. you moan into the kiss, crawling to sit on her lap, straddling her.

she moved so she was against the headboard, with you on her lap. her long hands were wrapped around the small of your waist, pulling you closer, grinding you on her jeans. the room becomes more and more hot, your jeans begging to come off. “please…” you mumble between the kiss. she pushes your hair out of your face, “what was that baby? gotta tell me what you want.” she dips her head down, leaving marks along your neck and jaw. “fingers, mouth, you please..” you mumble incoherently. she lifts her head up, looking at you intently. “are you sure?” she asks, waiting for your response.

“more than sure.”

she lays you down on your back. she crawls on top of you. gently kissing your collarbone with your hands tangled in her hair. she gently removes your jacket, then your jeans. she takes a step back to admire you. “so fucking pretty. gonna fuck you in my shirt sound good baby?” she says, reaching under your back and unclipping your bra with ease. you can only moan in response. she lifts your- her shirt slightly so she can get a view of your boobs. air blows out of her lips when she sees them, immediately suckling onto the right bud, massaging the other. “oh fuckkk.. els..!!” you hold onto her head. she lifts her head slightly to say “is my girl sensitive?” before dipping back down to suck on the left one. my girl? did she really think of you that way?

you feel her lips travel down your stomach until her mouth is kissing the inner part of your thigh, getting close but not quite where you wanted her. you start to squirm and beg her to hurry up. “ellie please.. i need you.” she looks up at you, then down at your lacy underwear, noticing the wet spot. “let’s not waste any time then yeah? lift those hips for me.” you comply as she pulls down your underwear, immediately attacking your dripping cunt. it feels like an electric shock; the way her tongue laps at your clit, drawing circles. her skill immediately makes your back arch as you moan her name loudly. your hands are tangled in her hair as her middle finger prods at your hole, slowly slipping inside. her finger is so deep inside of you, and the feeling of her finger exiting, entering, curling, and repeating makes your pupils become blown and your vision to blur. when she adds a second finger, it’s over.

your legs are fighting to stay open and not crush her head, she’s pumping in and out of you while sloppily making out with your clit. the air smells like weed and sex, and everything is so overwhelming. you have one hand in her hair, and one gripping the sheets. she reaches up to hold your hand in hers as she fucks you fast and passionately. the intimacy from her holding your hand and moaning into your clit makes you dizzy. you feel so full of her. you feel the rope in your stomach become tighter and tighter, until you can’t hold it anymore. “ellie!! els m’gonna cum!” you babble out, tears brimming your eyes.

“give it to me, cum on my fingers, you can do it.” she somehow speeds up her pace, looking up at you and seeing how you begin to fall apart. you look down, and when you see her, everything comes loose. your orgasm rips through you as you scream her name; ears ringing, vision going white, body trembling. she fucks you through your orgasm, until you start squirming away. she places kisses along your thighs as you breathe heavily. then, she gets up without a word, going to the bathroom.

“where are you going?” you ask curiously, half expecting her to just leave. “where are your rags?” she’s rummaging through your drawers and before you can tell her where, she turns on the faucet, wetting the rag. “found it!” the water turns off and she walks up to you, still spread out on your bed, and cleans you up. you begin whimpering from the sensitivity, trying to push her away. “i know honey, just let me clean you up okay?” all of this felt too much like a relationship. sure, you’ve had plenty one night stands with people you barely knew, but this was different. she spent the time after to clean you up, kiss you, and tell you how amazing you did. you start feeling bad, wanting to return the favor. you try to pull her jeans down, when she looks up and asks you what you’re doing. “wanna make you feel good.” you tell her.

“you already did.”

after cleaning you, she puts the rag away in your hamper, crawling on the bed to cuddle with you. she admires your hickeys on your neck, and kisses them gently. you inch closer to curl into her body. “are you gonna change?” you ask her. “nah, i’m too comfy right now. hey do you wanna go get breakfast in the morning?” you look partially confused. asking, “don’t you have to leave soon? i mean, you’re still on tour no?” she smiles at you, brushing the hair from your face. “i leave at noon tomorrow.” you pout, hoping she’d stay a little longer. but what did you expect? she has her priorities. “yeah, okay. we can go.” she pulls you in closer, pulling the comforter over you to make sure you stay warm. she leans in and places a soft kiss on your forehead, causing you to drift off to sleep.

you’re riding on the back of ellie’s bike, again, speeding through the city. it’s 10:56, and the thought of this dream ending makes your stomach hurt. you’re wearing a simple outfit: jeans and a hoodie, while ellie borrowed some of yours. you arrive at the diner you’ve been to countless amounts of times living here, and hop off her bike, following her in. the two of you sit at a table, admiring one another. “do you really have to go?” you ask out of the blue. “i wish i could stay. i mean, you could always come with me?” she asks, looking at you with expectant eyes. you really wanted to go with her, but you couldn’t miss so much school. “i want to, i really do. just with school and everything..” you trail off, ellie looking slightly hurt. the rest of the meal it’s quieter; not uncomfortably but just quiet. she pays the bill, reaching her hand out to walk you out. as soon as you think you got through the meal without her getting recognized, you were wrong. a girl runs up to her, begging for a photo and an autograph. you watch the way ellie holds the girl around the waist as one of the waitresses takes the photo.

you feel sick to your stomach. why were you so jealous? i mean, you guys technically aren’t anything.

you awkwardly stand there, waiting for them to finish. when they do, she just walks out, holding the door for you. the two of you hop on her bike, heading for your house. she stops the bike, taking her helmet off and watches you get off. you take your helmet off, and go to hand it to her. “keep it, for next time.” she smiles, pulling you in for a deep kiss. next time? she smiles into the kiss, pulling you deeper. you feel like you’re floating. “you have to text me, okay? don’t go forgetting about me.” she says with a coy smile. “how could i?” she smiles at you before kissing you deeply one more time. you can’t help but think, what is this? what are you guys? will she be back? she places the helmet back on her head once again, starting her bike back up. she revs the handle as you watch her drift away. “bye!” you shout softly, but she couldn’t hear you.

will she be back?

sorry this was so short it just needed a little cliff hanger😣😣 pt 3 coming very soon!!!

[luckyluan]

Chapter 1.

“What I’m saying is: I’m normal now, Canaan!” he insisted.  

Dr. Livingston Crane threw himself against the door of his townhouse and slid to the floor in a heap of grocery bags and textbooks. The cap of his California Farms Oatmilk popped off the container and he heaved a heavy sigh as the viscous liquid emptied itself onto his organic chemistry textbook. 

“You can’t just be normal.” Canaan countered. “You’re the literal opposite, Liv! You’re Abnormal and you’re the most powerful Naturalist I’ve ever seen. Mama Liliana thought so too.” 

“Well, she’s not here anymore, and I can be whatever I want.” Livingston hissed. “Besides I gave all that up when she passed. I couldn’t save her with my Abnormal powers, so I’m not Abnormal anymore. 

“I get it, Liv. I do. I felt the same way after my pops passed. He taught us everything we know about who we are, and I wasn’t half as powerful as you are! I still wanted to quit!” Canaan whispered. “But we can’t stop being who we are because things get hard. We are born special. Our Abnormalities are our pride, bro! You’re special!” 

“My degrees make me special. My work is my pride. And my research makes me normal. I like my life this way.” Livingston replied. 

“What life, Liv? You don’t come out with us anymore. You don’t date. You don’t do anything but fuss with that creepy Belladonna plant and that godforsaken garden—which I am certain violates five Perliament statutes at minimum. We miss you, man! You have to have some fun! Your life can’t be all about foliage!” 

“Why not?!” Livingston whined. 

“Cause you ain’t no damn house plant, Livingston! You’re a doctor—an actual Doctor of Medicine—not a paper doctor like me. You’ll save humankind after you get some! How long has it been, bro? Be honest.” Canaan chided. 

“Excuse me!” Livingston said. “I still have a roster.” 

“Lies.” challenged his friend. 

“I do!” The doctor defended. 

“Who then?” 

“That cute guy from LSU, Tre. The one with the cornrows I took to Greek formal!” Livingston stammered. 

‘Nigga, that was entry year at Brimmens for us and we graduated three years ago!” Canaan exclaimed. 

Livingston curled his knees into his chest. He lay on the floor with his sleek smartphone sandwiched between the hardwood floor and his ear. A pack of peas defrosted against his calf as his leg jumped. 

“Fine. It’s been a while! So, what?” he defended. 

“So, what? --So, what? You’re wound tighter than that the spool of magic thread that got us out of Harmon’s Haunted Labyrinth last Halloween!” Canaan teased. 

“I still think you should curse Nigel with uneven boobs for locking us down there with that minotaur...” Livingston murmured. 

“Quit whining. It was a baby. At least you could defend yourself. I didn’t have any actives, but we survived; and that’s my point, bro!” Canaan elaborated. “You don’t have any fun anymore! Man, I challenge you to have fun ass, good ass time for the next twenty-four hours. Watch some TV. Some something growing in that hellscape you call a garden, and don’t science shit!” 

Canaan took a deep breath and continued his rant. 

“Call one of these alleged players on your roster if you still have anything in that phone besides Happens All The Thai! Live your life, Livingston Crane!” 

“That’s Dr. Livingston Crane.” he corrected. “And fine. No work tonight.” 

“That’s my guy! Cam wants to hit Tate’s tonight. Wanna slide?” Canaan offered. 

“Ummm...I think I can find my own trouble.” Livingston mumbled. 

“I hope you do, man.” Canaan said. “Cause I would hate to put that picture of you and that leprechaun in the group message--” Canaan started. 

“--you said you deleted that!” Livingston scolded. 

“Being a witch has its perks. I knew this day would come and I am only doing this with your best interest at heart. Have fun tonight, my nigga. You deserve it. Wish on a star or something. I don’t think they’ve made that illegal yet. Love you, man.” 

The line disconnected and Livingston punched the air. He clambered to his feet and glanced around. He, then, waved, his hand through the air and the pool of oak milk retraced its steps. It unspilled into its blue carton and sealed itself with a soft pop. Livingston stepped over his organic chemistry book and headed for the kitchen. 

[allamericanb-tch]

you signed up for this thoughts (3)

last part ! 

chapter 21

choking ?! 

jegulus 

sirius!

oh, sirius

barty jump scare

barty pov oh me oh my

oh!

HELP i thought the choking would be kinky but nope it’s just fighting

REGULUS TELLING BARTY HE LOVES JAMES AHHHH

go get your man reggie

AHHHHHHH

oh ?!

poor barty ☹️

i love evan so much 

kisses his teeth

wolfstar! so cute i love them

james calling regulus ‘mi vida’ ❤️‍🩹

i love them so much

minor spelling mistake 🤬

i love jegulus

chapter 22

marlene!!! also exact date and time ?! eat

“What’s a year to two determined lesbians?” i love you marlene 

please i don’t know 24 hour time

regulus you menace

barty!

i lowkey forget they went back to london. even though i JUST READ IT 

remus!

dolphins!!!

oh me oh my why is lily telling them to get out of the water (trying to be panicked for them but mostly i’m happy that i understood what she said)

sperm whale!

remus please ask him i’m begging you

HELP WHY DID I JUST STOP READING IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS

regulus!

mi vida ❤️‍🩹

dorcas is so me when i text

live laugh love peter

what

oh me oh my

eughh

EW 

UGH

EW

WHY DID I READ THAT

STOPPP AHHHHH EEWW

ew omg. 

chapter 23

🎶august sipped away like a bottle of wine cause you were never mine🎶

remu!

gasp

eughhh

me saying ew to all of this and then continuing to read it 

ew

AHHH

sirius is asking remus to stay

AHHHH

omg i love regulus

lily!!!!

platonic jily the love of my life 

AHHH!!!! PANDALILY!!!!!!

yes night swimming is so fun

oh ?

HELP I JUST DOUBLE TAPPED MY SCREEN TRYING TO LIKE THIS

“You want me to inception your brother?”

live laugh love wolfstar 

chapter 24

three more sleeps ☹️

james is so real ☹️

i want to move to spain

poor regulus ☹️

lily!!!!!

i love lesbians

dorcas!!!!

eugh

cliff jumping is lowkey terrifying 

AHHHHH!!!!!!

i love dorlene ❤️‍🩹

oh my

eughh

i’m literally at my friends house sitting next to her in her bed reading this

ew omg

ahhhh im traumatized 

chapter 25

they’re at the bench ❤️‍🩹

guys. 

jegulus 

hanky panky

minor spelling mistake

sad goodbye ☹️

i’m going to cry

sad sad sad

☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

dorcas pov

stop i’m going to cry

this is reminding me of my sad airport goodbye 

regulus is so me

oh my gosh

please tell me he’s going back in the next chapter

chapter 26

poor james ☹️

HES ONLY FIVE HOURS AWAY ?! i could drive in my state for five hours and still be in it and i don’t even live in a big state

i am going to cry. 

marlene!

dorcas

“Why can they make it work but Reg and James can’t? Why does Reg have to fall apart? James deserves better.” i know this is what we all are thinking. 

dorlene my loves 

poor james ☹️ he is just going through it right now

barty! it’s been a while

oh!

regulus ?!

EVAN!!!!!

oh ?! 

remus has to leave too ☹️

i love that james calls lily liliana

eugh

but i mean good for james ? but bad for james also

AHHHGWTWIWNSGEG

i’m gonna cry but in a good way this time

oh!

so that’s what the spit is for. huh. 

eughhh

HELP

SIRIUS AHHH

remus too 😭😭

sweet brotherly moment in the midst of all this hanky panky 

chapter 27

title chapter!

it’s december! 

jegulus ❤️‍🩹

minor spelling mistake 🤬

HELP

poor sirius 😭😭

this is hilarious

i love them all

the way james likes his christmas decor gold and red and regulus likes it silver and green

i love christmas 

effie and monty!!!!!!!!

HELP SIRIUS MADE REGULUS BUY A NEW COUCH

the black brothers are. oh absolute menaces

“i’m pretty sure james gets the bisexual from effie” HELP i love effie she’s an icon

poor sirius just out here suffering because of overhearing regulus and james being regulus and james

i love effie with my whole heart 

james got a tattoo for regulus omg

i love christmas

i can’t believe remus and sirius ever hated each other. 

mary marlene and dorcas i love them 

new year’s eve!!

yes i love the grapes 

🎶who says i can’t wear my converse with my prom dress🎶

happy new year!

chapter 28

bonus! huzzah!

i love architecture 

churros!!

i love that they just befriended a bunch of strangers

omg. their tradition is to watch the sunrise. that’s amazing. 

sometimes i forget they’re british

what a great read. this was a good fic.

[renon4224]

WIP 19: Wanderlust

[A/N: There is no descriptive nudity, but there are two females who undress mostly in front of each other, they are NOT lesbian or bi, they are not interested in each other, the scene was based off of a sibling thing that happened a while ago.]

Chapter Two

Teasea glanced at the horse that Lili called her own, then back to Lili's smiling face, the events of their earlier conversation coming back to her. The pirate claim... it seemed so hard to believe. But then again, everything that had happened in the past few days seemed hard to believe. She just nodded, trying to shake off her doubts, and turned back to the road ahead of them, her horse picking up speed as they went. 

The girls travelled for hours until they saw the port city of Osya, it was still fairly close to Teasea’s home but she hoped that she wouldn’t be recognised. She’d never been strutted around the cities like Bast had…

“Can I go with you this time Mummy?” Teasea asked, twirling around with her mother’s hand on her head.

“Not this time, darling. We need to show Quver what the future king looks like.” Queen Anastasia said, once again.

“But why can’t I come?” Teasea pouted, pulling on her mother’s gold-rimmed dress.

The queen finally looked away from her mirror at her young daughter, a pang of sadness shot through her, she wanted to bring her, but Edmis would be horrified at the thought, “Because,” She leaned down to caress the girl’s cheek, “A pretty girl like you would distract everyone.” The queen kissed Teasea’s forehead, “Now, run along, Mummy has things to do.”

“Y’good there Pri Pri?” Liliana asked, Teasea nodded, Lili’s voice taking herself out of the bitter past, Tea couldn’t afford to think of the good times.

“Yes. I was just… thinking.” Tea shrugged, petting her horse.

“Thinkin’ bout what?” Lili asked again, she was tired of the silence. After a moment, she gasped, “Where ya gonna go after Osya?”

Teasea stared at the white-haired girl, “I… I’m not sure…”

“Well, y’could always come sailin with me, I’ve been lookin to go back to the sea fer a while here.” Lili continued, listing all the lovely qualities of life at sea until Teasea interrupted her.

“Fine. Sure, I’ll go, just please stop talking.” Teasea saw Lili flinch, she bit her lip, was she too harsh? Either way, Lili just nodded and didn’t speak until they were at city borders.

“Halt. What’s your business in Osya?” A young guard, probably somewhere between late teens and early twenties by Teasea’s guess.

“Well-”

“It’s me, Simon! Lil Bear!” Lili giggled, handing me her reins before dismounting to hug the guard, who immediately stiffened.

Simon's eyes blew wide as he recognised Lili, though he quickly regained his composure, "Miss Lili, your presence here is... not expected. You're banned from entering Osya."

Lili's smile turned into a glare. "Oh, is that so??" She stepped closer to Simon. "But I really wanted to see y’later…” Lili batted her lashes up at the burly man, her arms still around his neck.

The guard shifted uncomfortably, his hands tightly wrapped around the hilt of his sword, “You understand my position, Miss Lili..." He grumbled, clearly not happy with this turn of events.

Lili just grinned up at him, batting her eyelashes. "Oh, c'mon. Jus’ let me in. I promise I won't cause any trouble this time… I even have a friend!" She nodded at Teasea who sat there shocked at Lili’s complete change of character.

Simon looked at his partner, their eyes moving between the girl’s before the other guard sighed and Simon smiled, “Alright, you two don’t get into any more trouble, alright?” 

Lili smirked, placing a kiss on Simon’s cheek, before remounting her horse, “I promise on my honour.” And she led Teasea through the gates.

“You have no honour Lil Bear.” Tea heard Simon yell at their backs. Lili wound them through many twisting streets and past dead ends until they came to an inn. The town's streets were busy, and Teasea remembered idly that it had been Monday when Bast went away. Two days from that… Wednesday? People were hurrying back and forth.

Lili rode calmly, though she kept an eye out for any guards who may want to challenge her presence. “So, what’s with the bloody chain?”

Teasea looked down, realising with slight horror at how bloody the chain actually was, “It got dirty.” Lili made a humming sound but didn’t argue. 

Lili chuckled when she saw the sign above the entrance. "The Blue Bear Inn, welcome to my not-home home." She exclaimed. She climbed off her horse, tying it to a post outside, gesturing Teasea to follow her. The Blue Bear Inn was bustling, several patrons already drinking and several more waiting to be seated. As Lili made her way through the crowd, she received several glances and a few comments from men. Lili ignored their comments and headed to the bar. Teasea followed closely behind, noting the men's gazes, “So, where’s Father Bear?” Lili asked the barkeep.

“Right here Lil Bear.” And a very large man came out from a door behind the bar, enveloping Lili in a hug.

“Father Bear! Could we get someone to look afta our horses fer the night? We’d been ridin fer a long time, Father Bear.” Lili giggled when Father Bear spun her around, snapping and a small peasant boy went to cater the horses outside.

"Of course, Lili. You know I would always be happy to put your horses up." His voice was deep and rough, but soft as he spoke to Lili. “So, who’s your friend here?” Father bear looked at Teasea.

“That’s Pri Pri, but her real name is Prisea, so I calls ‘er Pri Pri.” Lili rattled off, turning back to Bear, “Now then Father Bear, can we get a room? Pri Pri’s tired an I don’t think she’ll be any good on a boat with no sleep.” The patrons at the bar glance at the unusual way Lili speaks about her friend, but are otherwise too busy getting drunk to pay attention.

Father Bear laughed. "Of course, Lil Bear. I'll take care of finding a room for you two, so enjoy your rest." One of his assistants handed Lili a room key, and Lili pocketed it without even looking at the number. She smiled back at her "father" and lead Teasea up the stairs.

Once they were inside the room Teasea looked at Lili warily, “Is he really your father?”

“Taught me how ta fend for myself." Teasea noticed the small smile on Lili's face as she spoke about Father Bear. Despite her rebellious nature and disregard for rules, maybe she wasn’t completely unreasonable after all, “Anyways, c’mon, yer gonna wanna change into better clothes than that, Pri Pri. It’s a Thursday night, afta all.” 

Thursday? Had an entire day passed when she was trying those knots? Teasea looked down at her completely ruined evening gown, her underclothes were barely showing from under what used to be a beautiful azure knee length dress. “What’s wrong with this?” Teasea thought she looked ugly, like some peasant girls she’d seen from the courtyard.

“No, Pri Pri, you look like a noble, pirates hate nobles, that’s how it works. Strip.” Teasea looked at Liliana in horror, she’d never undressed in front of a stranger because she wanted to… “Not like that, Pri Pri, I’m not gonna hurt cha. I jus need ya dress so I can fix it.” 

Teasea’s shoulders hunched and her nose scrunched slightly, “Fine. But you have to turn around.” Lili laughed, but turned around. Tea quickly undressed, before running to one of the beds and pulling the blanket to cover herself.

Lili burst out laughing as she turned back around, clearly amused by Teasea's reaction. "My, my. Yer embarrassed to be seen naked by me, huh?" She looked Teasea up and down, taking note of her figure. "Ya should really have more confidence in yer body, Pri Pri. It ain't that pretty, but I've seen far worse."

“Just fix the dress.” Teasea spat. She didn’t want to hear what Lili had to say.

Lili smirked and walked over to the bed, taking the skirt of the dress and examining it closely. "Yer so cold, Pri Pri... What's yer problem? Don't women round here have more confidence in their looks? Are they not comfortable sharing their bodies with the world?" She continued to tease Teasea, making it clear that her words were intended to provoke a reaction.

Tea just huffed, ignoring her words. Lili rolled her eyes, but she worked on the dress, taking out the thinner mostly white lining and setting it aside, ripping the hem on the dress so it would ride up to Teasea’s midthigh. Lili frowned as she worked on the skirt of the dress, cutting and stitching to make it shorter. "Why do ya wear this, anyway? It's not in style anymore. It's all about those dresses that hug the curves, y’know?" She gestured with one arm, mimicking the look of a woman who is wearing a fashionable dress. She turned back to the dress. "Do ya even have a figure to show off?" She tilted her head and gave Teasea a sly grin. When Tea didn’t respond Lili grabbed one of her leggings, “Put those on and give me yer corset.” 

Teasea looked down at the leggings, then to Lili. "I'm not gonna wear those."

“Unless you want a mean pirate to slit your throat while we’re here, I suggest y’put those on.” Lili’s accent made her words sound almost sweet. Teasea took the leggings and rolled her eyes, taking a seat to put them on. She seemed to be trying hard to ignore Lili's words, but there was an uneasy look on her face. Lili watched her, tapping her foot as Teasea pulled on the leggings, "C'mon, Pri Pri, where's that corset? I ain't gonna wait all night." 

“I’ve never taken off my own corset.” Tea said softly, she was flush with embarrassment, she’d always had handmaidens to do it for her.

Lili looked at Teasea “Seriously? Alright, I'll do it, hold still." She stepped closer and began to unbuckle the corset. "Next time, y’should learn to dress and undress yerself. It's a crucial skill for any woman."

Teasea nodded, a deep breath escaping her once the pressure of her too-tight corset was released.

“You aight there Pri Pri?” Lili asked, going back to work on the dress.

“Of course I am.” Teasea snapped. Lili looked hurt, but Tea didn’t say anything until Lili finished with the dress and was handing it back to Teasea.

Lili smiled as she finished fixing the dress for Teasea, handing it to her. Tea put on the dress, looking in the mirror of the small room. Not bad, she thought, but not exactly her style, either. "My, my! Look at you!" Lili walked over to Teasea and pulled at the dress, adjusting how it fit. "There we go. Now ya look like a proper pirate!" Both girls smiled at each other before returning downstairs, to a medley of songs being sung by beautiful girls giving the patrons of the Blue Bear their orders.

The patrons were having a great time, listening to the song and drinking in celebration. Some had already finished their drinks and were now very drunk, singing along with the band in slurred voices. The band smiled at Lili as she took a seat, playing a lively song in her honor. "Hey, it's Lil Bear!" One of the patrons yelled. "I didn't know you were back in the Blue Bear!! Welcome back!"

“Aww, thank ya! Blue Bear, welcome my new friend, Prisea!” And with that, she pulled Teasea on top of the bar.

Teasea's face flushed as she was suddenly yanked up on top of the bar. The patrons cheered, clapping loudly, and yelling as Lili grabbed Teasea's hand and forced her to raise it in celebration.

One of the patrons yelled out, "Drink with us, Lil Bear! For the new face here."

Lili laughed, pointing at the band who began another tune, the other girl matched beat for beat, dancing around the tables before stepping to the floor and dancing with the patrons, everyone seemed enlivened by her performance, and Tea slid down into a seat, thankful for Lili bringing the attention away from her. “Excuse me, may I please have a drink?” She asked.

“What can I get fer ya little lady?” Father Bear asked in return, wiping the bar where Teasea’s shoes had been.

“Oh… I’m not sure, what do you recommend?” Tea had never had to know the names of what she wanted, that was for Bast to know, since he would be king.

“How about Faerie’s Kiss, for a pretty little thing like you?” He said, grabbing a bottle with some sort of shimmery drink inside. Teasea nodded, “On the house.” Father Bear smiled. And Teasea took a sip.

She continued sipping her drink until Lili said it was time to go. She managed to get an entire bottle of Faerie’s Kiss all to herself, she remembered taking off her boots and laying down to sleep.

Teasea sighed, she loved studying, and her tutors never scolded her, but today she was bored. She wanted to spar with Sebastian, or go riding, or even, like she’d been trying to since she could talk, go on publicity walks with her mother. Her father was overseeing today’s lesson, Tea reminded herself.

“Teasea May, are you paying attention?” Her father asked, as though to solidify the girl’s thoughts.

“Yes, Father.”

“Then what did Mister Palacio just say.” Edmis asked, like he’d done with every ‘educational’ visit.

“Girls must know simple mathematics. After all, queens have to be trusted with kingdoms while kings are at war. Which means that when you marry next year, you will be expected to know how to run the simple parts of the kingdom, your future currency is, once again, going to be Crowns. Oh, and Palacio said ‘crowns’ with a hint of disgust since he really doesn’t like Emerald Isles-”

“That’s good for now, Teasea May.” Edmis said, the ever-prsent scowl lightening for a moment before he left.

Father… liked that? Teasea’s mind spun, if he liked her knowing things, then she could probably get him to pay attention to her if she did well in her studies, right?

“Wrong.” Sebastian said, for the hundredth time, “Father doesn’t care about us. He just wants to make sure you don’t make a fool of him with that Prince Niklas.” Teasea shrugged off his words.

“Listen kiddo, I need you to turn around, okay? I know you’re scared, it’s gonna be okay? Just put a little faith in your prince.” Teasea stood there, helpless, her brother was going to die, it was happening all over again, he hadn’t even done anything. Why did Father want him dead? Why did Father want her to kill him? Why? Bast took her sword, he didn’t have to try, it fell from her grasp easily enough. Teasea heard the clink of her hand-made chain, sword, chain… it was at his throat. She tried to turn around-

@fakegingerrights @conquerius37 @sunrisemcash @wolves-write-in-moonlight @gummybugg Chapter One

[erstwhles]

marimelwrites​:

Seeing Liliana appear less tense, caused a new smile to break out over Taner’s face. It made him feel good to know that he could help, even in the smallest way. For him, he was used to things like this and used to the attention. He was used to having to appear composed, charming, happy, and put together. Events like this were just another facet of his career. Although he much preferred being on the ice, he could only imagine that being surrounded by so many people at a high profile event like this could be daunting for someone who wasn’t as accustomed to the attention.

Taner inhaled dramatically before sighing, “Yeah, it appears I had to come out of retirement from the whole charming donations thing…” He was joking, but he was hoping to keep a smile on her face, and maybe even get her to laugh. Her comment caused his body to straighten up beginning to protest a bit, “Don’t go thinking that I wouldn’t be impressed. Clearly, you haven’t seen my skill in a kitchen. You would ban me eternally if you saw me try to so much as replicate anything that you do. It would be tragic, I assure you. So, that being said, I’m impressed all the time… believe it, or not.”

His eyes lit up as he watched Liliana take a container that she had hidden away and handed it to him. He didn’t even have to look in there to know what she likely had put inside. “You saved this one for me?” He asked, his voice betraying a hint of awe, as a dopey smile turned up the corners of his lips before his own smile faltered as she spoke again. Taner’s brow furrowed, “Hold me up? You’re not holding me up, I assure you. In fact, I fully intend on loafing around here and you’ll just have to deal with me. Got anything to drink back there too?” His tone became light as he playfully narrowed his eyes on her, “You’re not going to judge me if I eat this here in front of you, are you? Because you can’t give me my favorite thing and expect it to survive more than a minute…” 

-

Nothing has changed about the situation. She is still surrounded by important people whose suits probably cost more than the rent that she pays each month for her bakery space. Her hands are still together in front of her, fingers tangled together as she sways from one side to the other. It is just that Taner carries himself so easily that Liliana cannot help feeling more comfortable. He is good at a lot of things, which has been frustrating in the past, but here, he is really in his element.

“Okay, okay,” she says, though her smile suggests she is more than pleased with the compliment. “Well, why don’t I make you a deal, then?” One hand rests against her chest while she gestures to the remains on the table. “I promise to stick to this, and I’ll leave the charming, hockey stuff to you.” Not that she thinks he’s is charming, naturally! But she has spent enough time watching this evening to know that he must be doing something right.

Liliana chuckles, taking her bottom lip between her teeth to keep the grin from overtaking her expression as he opens the container. “Yeah, but it’s no big deal. I just figured... I mean, I know you like them,” she says, shoulders rising in a bare shrug. “You know what? I’m sure you could probably find one of your big, important donors to bring you a drink if you smile at them enough, but of course not. In fact, I think I might be insulted if you didn’t eat it now. I mean I did save the last one for you, and they don’t taste as good after sitting on an open table all night. Can’t have your opinion of me changing after all this time.”

[darlingmulti]

Yes, Chef (Chef!Seokjin x Waitress! Y/N)

Description-

You work as a waitress in a crummy restaurant in the middle of hick-ville. One day, a handsome new chef comes in and changes the scenery. Chef Jin is hot and talented and you immediately fall head over heels for him. Despite his good looks, the two of you don't get along. There is never a moment where the two of you don't fight. One night after you clock out, your grabbed, and end up in the back room... pressed against Jin's hot body? Will your fantasy finally become reality?

Pairing- Chef!Seokjin X Waitress!Y/N

Rating- 18+

Word count- 10.3k

Genre- smut, angst, slice of life, romance, fluff, enemies to lovers

Warnings- choking, degradation, teasing, exhibitionism, voyeurism, use of force, fingering, heavy clit play, nipple play, overstimulation, begging, marking, scratching, biting, masturbation, squirting, praise, spanking, groping, tummy bulge, swearing, hate sex

Playlist-

Grind me Down (Jawster Remix) by Jawster, Liliana Wilde

Flesh by Simon Curtis

Eager by AK diorr., BM

Go Fuck yourself by Two Feet

Piano by Max Changmin

Note-

Shoutout to my bestie @evie3511 for beta reading and helping with the summary!

Teaser-

“You were very bad today…” he whispered softly, and as he did his teeth caught hold of the tip of your ear, causing you to gasp and jerk your head away.

“I-I’m sorry?” you whimpered.

“You just keep fighting with me.” he whispered, his voice filled with emotion you couldn’t understand.

“You keep fighting with me,” You replied, chewing your bottom lip. This position wasn’t one you expected to be in with Jin ever, especially after tonight, but here you were, standing caged in his arms against his strong chest.

He dropped his head on your shoulder, and his warm breath tickled your neck, causing goosebumps to rise up along your skin, “I want you so bad,” He whispered against you, placing a kiss against your neck.

Before you could think you were replying, “I want you too,” the words spilled out much too naturally. You felt anticipation shoot through you as he chuckled against your neck, beginning to litter kisses along your hot skin.

You leaned tiredly against the cooler in the kitchen at work, eyes glued to your phone as you scrolled aimlessly through your instagram feed. Work had been an absolute nightmare today, though slow there were several tiny rushes throughout the day, and just when you thought you could leave one of the servers called in.

The managers had begged you to stay, citing how you were the best server, and they couldn’t possibly do it without you. After agreeing now all you could do was regret it, even if you might make some extra money it just wasn’t really worth it to you with how tired you were… not to mention dealing with people… ew.

“Y/N!!!” Your close friend, Jessie, could be heard squealing from across the kitchen excitedly, running over and grabbing your arm, “Did you hear the news??”

“What news?” You asked curiously, looking up lazily from your phone and raising your eyebrows.

“There’s a new cook!! He’s upstairs right now apparently!” She exclaimed, eyes shining brightly at the prospect of fresh meat. This was a restaurant after all, the majority of employees were female, any man was sized up by all of the girls as soon as he crossed the threshold. You tried your best not to do that, having given up on the prospect of meeting any good guys here. No matter what there was always a prettier server, or the guy had some fatal flaw, sometimes he didn’t even stay for more than a couple weeks.

“Oh wow,” you said, unenthused, your eyes trailing back to your phone screen, thumb poised to resume scrolling.

“I’ve heard he’s suuuuper hot, and- get this, he’s foreign!” She squealed excitedly, jumping up and down like a child.

“Jessie, come on. Why would a foreigner want to come work here? Who told you he was hot??” You asked, looking back up to indulge your dramatic friend.

“I don't know why, but he’s definitely foreign.. Well he apparently lived in Korea for a couple years.” she said thoughtfully, and then looked back to you to answer the next question, “He was here a couple days ago to get shown around, Elaina told me all about him. I guess she got to talk with him a little bit, she said he’s hot.”

Elaina was the restaurant's biggest slut, always finding new guys to screw. If it didn’t work out with one it wasn’t a problem, there was always another one. It was no surprise she had gotten to talking with the new guy, she would probably hop on his dick as soon as he walked through the d-

Your brain seemed to malfunction as you heard the kitchen door opening and looked up to see one of the most beautiful men you had ever seen in your entire life walk into the kitchen.

The first thing you noticed was how tall he was, the second was his insane body proportions. His shoulders were broad and strong, while his waist was kind of small and tapered. His eyes were chocolatey brown, wide and shining, they had a mischievous glint in them. His skin was incredibly clear and a gorgeous golden brown that you had never seen on any of the boys in this nasty town. It was about ninety-nine percent hick country, so seeing a man like this in person was a dream come true.

His hair was pure black and shining, but he quickly covered it with a chef's hat. He was wearing the regular chefs outfit, black jeans and a loose fitting black chefs coat, his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, revealing firm and strong forearms that flexed as he followed one of the other cooks behind the line. He didn’t look nervous in the slightest, in fact he exuded confidence.

“Hey!” Jessie whispered and elbowed you rather hard in the ribs, bringing you back to reality and sending your phone flying out of your hands and onto the floor.

“Seriously!” you exclaimed, trying to act natural as you walked a couple feet to get your phone, glaring at Jessie who was watching you with knowing eyes.

“You were staring so hard dude, your mouth was wide open too!” She giggled and you glanced back at the man who had just come in, grateful he hadn’t seemed to notice you and Jessie just yet.

You shoved her irritably, “Shut up!” you muttered. You turned briskly to walk out of the kitchen, wanting to get away from her teasing and from the handsome man. Your face was getting hot the more you replayed seeing him.

He had plump lips, high cheekbones, a defined nose bridge, strong eyebrows, he was literally perfect.

“You look like you just saw a ghost,” one of your coworkers said as you grabbed a cup absently, wanting to drink some water.

“Oh?” you said absently, acting confused by the statement. You scanned the restaurant. There was only one table in the whole place right now, the rest of the crew would be here any moment, and you were looking at a hopefully busy Saturday evening.

You finished filling your cup and began sipping from it thoughtfully, your mind still on that perfect man. What was his name? What was he like? What did he look like under those loose chefs clothes?

“Excuse me,” you heard a soft, unfamiliar voice say behind you.

You looked up and behind you and could barely contain your shock. That perfect man was inches away from you, locking eyes with you. You wanted to look into them forever, but you thankfully had the sense to pull your eyes away, “Ah, sorry.” You apologized quickly, stepping to the side to let him get to the water gun.

“It’s alright, I’m Jin,” he introduced, holding out his large and gorgeous hand to shake. His fingers were long and slender, and his veins stuck out slightly on the backs of his hands, his nails were trimmed and clean too.

You stared at his hand for one second too long, causing him to raise an eyebrow but you raised your comparatively small hand to shake his, watching it disappear within his warm hand.

Wow… his skin was so soft. Was this guy really a cook? His forearms were completely unmarred, no burns whatsoever.

“I-I’m Y/N.” You introduced. Your voice came out squeaky and anxious sounding- fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, you cursed internally. He probably thought you were a baby talking that way.

“Nice to meet you… That’s a pretty name.” He complimented and smiled at you sweetly, making your heart rate pick up. This man was dazzling! You couldn’t help but think it should be illegal to look this good.

“Thanks!” you said, sounding weird even in your own ears, you should get away before you embarrass yourself further, but he was standing right here looking at you, it would be a waste to walk away now.

“Is Jin short for something?” you asked, feeling dumb as the words left your lips.

“My full name is Kim Seokjin, well it’s Seokjin Kim here.” he corrected, “But I go by Jin since it’s easier for everyone,” he chuckled softly at your dumbfounded expression.

“O-oh, that’s cool.” you stuttered out, “So… that’s korean?” you questioned. That’s right, you encouraged yourself, keep the ball rolling.

He nodded affirmatively, “I was born there.” he stated.

“Oh that’s cool! Why are you all the way over here, then?” you asked.

“My parents have been out here a couple years now, they’re getting older, figured I should come live around here and take care of them. I saw an ad online for a sous chef position so I figured I would apply.”

“Well… that’s nice of you.. I’m uh- glad you’re here.” you said, and smiled what you hoped was a nice smile, and not too awkward.

He snickered and shook his head, “Well thanks!” he said and started to walk back to the kitchen. You were about to follow him when you heard an annoying sing-song voice behind you.

“Hello~~~!! You must be Jin!!”

‘There goes Elaina,’ you thought as her sickly sweet smelling perfume hit your nose as she walked past you. She went up and tapped the large man's shoulder, grinning as she confidently introduced herself.

You sighed and walked away to the counter in the middle of the restaurant, leaning your head dejectedly on your arm. You would give anything to have more time to talk with him… but with all the other girls it would probably be impossible. He certainly wouldn’t pay you much attention once he got a look at all the other damsels that worked here… Even with your lack of hope though, your eyes travelled to your hand where you could still feel the warmth of his wrapped around yours. It couldn’t hurt to dream…

~~~~

The dinner rush was in full swing, you were juggling six tables, the kitchen was backed up with orders, and the restaurant was packed with people, conversations echoing off the walls as the printer at the bar went off almost nonstop. The bartender was cranking out drinks for the servers like crazy.

“Excuse me ma’am, how much longer on my order!” One of your particularly annoying tables called, snapping her fingers at you as you were rushing by with dirty plates to take to the back.

“Not much longer, miss.” you replied hastily and offered an apologetic smile.

“Can you check? Did you even put it in?”

“Of course I can! So sorry, miss!” you said and smiled before turning away, your expression dropping immediately. What did she think you were doing carrying all these dirty plates? Of course you would check if you were going in the kitchen, that was literally just common sense.

You came back into the kitchen, briskly kicking the door open and setting the plates down before striding down to the ticket line where the expo was plating whatever food he could and shouting at the cooks for more fries.

Jin was sauteeing something and the other two cooks were hard at work on the grill, fryers, and salad station. Jin’s expertise was obvious, even in a new environment he was shining.

“Hey how long on this ticket,” you muttered to the expo. You wished you could stare at Jin all night long, but you had customers to please, and besides you had already given up on your fantasies about him. The most your relationship would amount to would be casual friendship, if even that.

Yours was actually second in the line and as the expo looked it over, he realized only one thing was missing and it was actually on Jin’s side.

“Hey Jin, do you have the tostadas coming?” He called.

“Tostadas?” Jin called back, looking up in confusion at the expo, his brow was furrowed and sweat was dripping down his temples. Fuck. How could you focus on anything with him being THAT fine. Some of the other servers had come in to pine over the line and agonize over how hot the new chef was.

Yet even his hotness couldn’t distract as he said, “I don’t have a ticket for that.” and turned around flippantly.

“What do you mean?” The expo called, grabbing the ticket and pushing it across the shelf for Jin, who turned around to take it, looking it over intently.

“I made that already.” he argued, and pushed the ticket back at the expo, again turning away to continue his sautee job. You could feel your blood beginning to boil, and there was the fatal flaw. He might be a good cook, but he had a shitty attitude.

“Well we don’t have it!” You interrupted loudly, “I need tostadas ASAP!”

“Are you the expo?” He asked calmly, cocking an eyebrow at you. Ugh, he was so hot even being as big of a dick as he was being.

‘Don’t get sidetracked, you have a job to do,’ you thought to yourself.

“No, but who cares? Make me my tostadas!”

Jin rolled his eyes and pointedly turned away as the expo finished the first order and called out tiredly, “Jin can you please make me an order for tostadas ASAP?”

“Of course I can,” he said and glared at you before turning back around to continue.

“Glad to know we have another asshole cook on the team!” You called childishly, making the other waitresses gasp. You went back out on the floor without a care to go deal with the rest of your tables, and reassure your woman that her food was in fact coming up. This wasn’t going to be fun.

~~~~

The night had finally slowed to a stop and you were getting ready to leave for the evening, printing your reports and organizing all of your checks at a table. As you were sitting you heard a voice coming from around the wall between the booth and the server station, and paused at the sound of your name.

“She’s always like that, you’re not an asshole.” Elaina was saying, her voice that annoying, honey sweet tone she took with men she was trying to impress.

“I won’t let any servers walk all over me,” Jin was heard saying, sounding nonchalant.

“Oh of course not!! You shouldn’t!! She’s a bitch because she’s jealous. She has always been the le-”

“Sorry, but I’m not here to gossip or talk crap. Thank you for the encouragement though,” Jin could be heard cutting her off, before you heard the door to the kitchen creak open as he walked away from her. You sighed and rolled your eyes, at least Elaina’s plan to use you as a tool to get with him didn’t work.

You were certainly bitchy earlier, that you would admit, but he didn’t help the situation either acting the way he did. You finished doing your report and slid out of the booth tiredly, it didn’t matter, tomorrow was another day…

~~~~

Situations like the one that night seemed to happen all too frequently between you and Jin despite your best efforts. You really didn’t want to fight with him, he was unbearably attractive, smart, a good cook, and his voice was like silk, yet every night seemed to be a new battle.

First it was french fries taking too long, next it was the steak being overcooked, and the next it was an item rang in wrong, it was all trivial but it just seemed to add up. Everyday you saw him it became more and more tense between you two, you hated it, because despite all of that you were crushing on him. Not only was he hot, but he could be incredibly sweet at times. Plus he was so cute, and his jokes were hilarious. He never told them to you, but every time you heard them you couldn’t help but giggle at the stupidity of them.

Your work day was starting off shitty, as was normal. Jin hadn’t said hello to you when you came in, two servers called off, and the restaurant was in shambles when you arrived. Not to mention it was eighty-five degrees outside, you hadn’t slept well, and you had had a large fight with your parents before leaving for work.

It was a dumb fight,just more nagging from them about your life. It seemed like nothing you did was good enough. You were trying your best... At times you just felt like you were fighting an uphill battle. Today you had no energy to fight with Jin, and you certainly weren’t prepared for the dinner rush.

It was the wing bar that night. The crowd came in a tidal wave of people, more than you or any of your coworkers had expected or been prepared for and within the first hour you were so swamped you didn’t know what to do. You simply couldn’t keep up with everything that was happening.

Food, checks, orders, tables, greeting, running, pre-bussing, it was all too much for you, especially with the heat and the tiredness. Food was coming out at a decent rate thankfully, but one table just simply could not be satisfied.

You were feeling worse and worse as the time ticked by, and had no fight left in you to deal with difficult entitled customers, but duty called.

“Ma’am, ma’am come here!” You heard and couldn’t help but sigh at the familiar obnoxious voice. You knew this table would be a problem when they had first complained about the bugs outside, and then returned a drink because it ‘definitely wasn’t made right’, what could it possibly be now?

You turned around hesitantly and put on your best invested, and apologetic smile, their food had been dropped by the runner probably a couple minutes ago now, all mostly wings.

“What can I do for you?” You asked, faking sweetness while inside you were cursing at this nasty woman and her teenagers.

“I don’t know what kind of restaurant this is, but the food and the service here is just unacceptable.”

“I’m… sorry?” You said, unable to hide how taken aback you were. What was she even talking about?

“First of all, this is cold!” she pushed her ribs away in disgust, “These wings are cold, everything is COLD! Second, this place is filthy and obviously not being run properly. Look at you! You can’t seem to get it together for the life of you, and you should take something for all that sweating you’re doing. This has been horrendous!!” She exclaimed again and leaned back with a huff, arms crossing over her chest.

You weren’t sure what to say. Usually, you would offer to have the food remade but it didn’t feel worth it to you. You could feel your eyes growing hot and your hands were balling up, “I’m so sorry. I’ll go get my manager.” You said and walked away briskly, even as she shouted for you to come back. A few of your other tables looked at you sympathetically as you went inside and beelined to the kitchen, feeling frustration as your tears spilled over freely as soon as the door opened.

“M-Miles!” You stuttered out meekly at your manager who was currently helping expo, he immediately looked up hearing your weak voice, eyes widening.

“Y/n, what happened?”

“M-my table is r-really upset right now and I- I think you should go talk to them,” you said, barely managing to get out your words as you felt tiny sobs going through you. You were so tired of everything right now. It was one thing to have a table yell about food, but to also insult you in front of your face was painful and humiliating.

“About what? Which table?” he prodded, rubbing your arm in an attempt to comfort you.

“Table eighty three,” you sniffled, “She said that, that the food was cold and that I was terrible and yeah… just please go out there.”

“Okay, okay, just take a breather, drink some water.” He said and quickly stepped out to go and talk with the furious table.

You groaned and wiped at your face, feeling your embarrassment only growing as Jin came from behind the line with a water bottle, “Come here,” he ordered and placed a hand on the small of your back while handing you the water bottle and leading you to the walk in cooler.

You didn’t even have enough sense to question why he was being nice to you, your head was pounding and you were overly aware of how hot and wet you were. Not to mention you were pretty much sobbing right now, despite your best efforts to hold it together.

“Drink the water,” He said calmly as he opened the cooler and led you inside, the feeling of cold air against your body was an intense relief, it helped you physically, but you were still reeling over everything. Even now you felt like you needed to run and take care of all of the tables you weren’t at right now. The rush was close to done but it was still upon you.

You did as you were told though, breaking the seal and sipping from it. As soon as the cool liquid touched your lips you realized how thirsty you were and drank from it messily, closing your eyes and leaning your head back, hearing the bottle crinkle up as you took in every last drop of it before your hand fell to your side. You used your free hand to wipe at your face, taking deep breaths to calm yourself.

“Better?” Jin asked, leaning against one of the shelves with an almost amused expression.

You had forgotten he was standing there watching you and your eyes flitted away from his face just as soon as they had gone there. You nodded quietly, chewing your lip, trying to calm your racing heart. It was amazing what the cold and water could do for you, you thought.

“You need to take better care of yourself,” he chastised, moving closer and rather suddenly reaching out and cupping your cheek with the palm of his hand. You looked up, dumbfounded. One hand subconsciously came up to touch his arm while your hand holding the water bottle crinkled it loudly. “You’re obviously having a hard time, and you aren’t drinking enough water… no matter how busy it is you come first.”

You nodded quietly, still unsure of what to do about his hand.

“I didn’t bother you today right?” he asked, leaning ever so slightly closer, you could make out the flecks of gold in his brown eyes at this angle, and his skin was flawless.

“N-no,” you squeaked out.

“I notice a lot more than you think I do…” he said, and you bit your lip feeling his hand fall carelessly against your side, fitting against you almost too well. You felt a tingle in your breasts, and just knew that if you were to look now both nipples would be hard and pressing against your bra. You were grateful you wore a padded one today.

“L-like what?”

“I knew you were upset as soon as you walked in.”

“Oh…?”

He brought his thumb gently across your lips, “These pretty lips were frowning, and those eyes barely even looked at me…” he whispered. You could clearly hear your heart pounding in your ears. What was happening right now?

“You were much too quiet… if you ever have any problems I’m always willing to help you out.”

You gasped as he tilted your head up to look into his eyes, “Do you got that?”

You nodded dumbly, biting the inside of your lip as your eyes moved down to his plush lips, appreciating the smoothness of his face. You really wanted to reach up to touch it, maybe it wouldn’t hu-

“Chef!”

The two of you jumped apart and you immediately turned and grabbed your forehead, acting miserable.

“Yes?” He asked. His voice was icy as he turned around to face Elaina, who was standing in the doorway looking slightly confused and frazzled.

“Sorry to interrupt… They need you back on the line. The others can’t keep up.” She said.

He nodded and looked back at you, “You all right?”

You nodded quickly, not feeling confident enough to speak.

“Come out when you’re ready.” He said and walked out, shutting the cooler behind him.

You let out a soft gasp of air that you hadn’t realized you had been holding, your whole body zinging with energy… if he could make you feel this way with such a simple touch, imagine how he could make you feel…

You shook your head quickly, ridding yourself of those thoughts. He was just being nice, that was it. It was never going to happen.

You spent a couple more minutes inside, calming down before you finally stepped out to finish the evening off right.

~~~~

A couple days later, and you were still thinking about that night in the cooler. You replayed it in your head multiple times during the day. Whenever you masturbated you thought heavily of him inside you, of his eyes boring into yours, of his honey sweet voice in your ear whispering your name.

You thought about Jin for at least seventy five percent of your days, even when you were off all you could think of was him.

“Y/N, you have a table at thirty three.”

You immediately snapped out of your thoughts and looked up at the host before leaving the kitchen to get the table started. It was slow today, besides Jin there was one other cook working. It was supposed to be an easy table- that was until they complained about the menu, and then basically tried to modify something into a completely new thing. You did your best to be polite and said you would ask the chef about accommodating them. You walked in nervously, and called out, “Hey, Jin?”

“Yes?” He asked, looking up from the sandwich he was cutting in half.

You shyly listed off the modifications, and he stared at you with an annoyed expression, cocking an eyebrow as you finished, “Are you actually serious?”

You nodded slowly. His attitude was getting you angry already.

“Well, first of all we don’t have cucumbers, you know that. Second, we don’t have seasoning to blacken a fucking salmon, you also know that. Third, I can’t even respond to the rest because it’s honestly not worth my time. Use your brain,” He said flippantly.

How was he the same person as the one in the cooler that time?

What was his problem?

“Are you done now?” You asked, immediately catching an attitude. Just because he was hot didn’t mean he could talk to you like that.

“Excuse me?” He asked, looking up through his gorgeous lashes dangerously.

“Are you done being a dick? I’m just doing my job, which is to satisfy my customers. Your job is to answer my questions, not give me snobby replies and act like a prick.”

“My job is to cook food, not cater to your needs. Quit wasting my time, and go take care of your idiot table.” he ordered.

“Will you make my order?”

“Is it going to have stupid modifications that I can’t fulfill, if so, then no. If you’re going to keep being a bitch then I also won’t be making your order. Quit wasting your time.”

You huffed angrily, and the two of you began going back and forth insulting each other, growing louder and louder until your manager came in to calm the situation and split you guys up. You huffed angrily, cheeks red, and practically ran from the kitchen to ring in your ridiculous and ‘stupid’ order. Now you didn’t care if they couldn’t do it. They would do it.

~~~~~

The rest of the evening after the fight was tense, and you were grateful that when you left Jin was nowhere to be seen. In the end, they had made the order almost perfectly, and the table left happily so you supposed that was all that mattered.

You couldn’t stop thinking about the fight though, you had both said some pretty bad things. You wondered if you guys could ever really get along.

You were walking quietly down the empty employee halls heading to the clock out, it was late since you had got stuck doing extra side work, so everyone had mostly gone home for the night.

You were mid sigh when you felt a large hand clasp over your mouth while a strong arm snaked around your waist and pulled you into one of the side boiler rooms, causing a muffled shriek to leave your lips as the person kicked the door open and you heard a familiar silky voice say, “Shh, behave.”

You froze and blinked, looking around the low lit and frankly dirty room. There were a couple machines running that were always on, running the building, resonating with a persistent hum.

You struggled violently to get out of Jin’s strong grip but he only held tighter, fingers digging into the soft flesh of your arm, hand firmly over your mouth until you finally gave up with an indignant groan. You knew it was Jin, but that was it. Your stomach was churning with anxiety and anticipation as he held you tightly in his grasp against his hot body. Your head at his chest.

“Are you done?” he whispered coolly against your ear, his tone slightly mocking.

You shuddered and nodded.

“I’m gonna move my hand, if you scream you’ll really be sorry.” he threatened.

Did you have a reason to scream? You wondered.

Sure Jin was being strange, but there was nothing to be worried about… right?

As his hand slid away you quickly asked, “What are you doing?”

He was silent for a while, wrapping his now free arm tightly around you in an iron like bind. Both of his arms were pressing against your chest, and you could feel your heart racing against your rib cage the longer he stood silently holding you.

“You were very bad today…” he whispered softly, and as he did his teeth caught hold of the tip of your ear, causing you to gasp and jerk your head away.

“I-I’m sorry?” you whimpered.

“You just keep fighting with me.” he whispered, his voice filled with emotion you couldn’t understand.

“You keep fighting with me,” You replied, chewing your bottom lip. This position wasn’t one you expected to be in with Jin ever, especially after tonight, but here you were, standing caged in his arms against his strong chest.

He dropped his head on your shoulder, and his warm breath tickled your neck, causing goosebumps to rise up along your skin, “I want you so bad,” He whispered against you, placing a kiss against your neck.

Before you could think you were replying, “I want you too,” the words spilled out much too naturally. You felt anticipation shoot through you as he chuckled against your neck, beginning to litter kisses along your hot skin.

You tilted your head back to allow better access and then felt a zing of new fear go through you.

No. This was bad. This was very bad you needed to get away. You were literally at work, in a back hall where anyone could just walk in… Maybe had you been somewhere else this would be more appropriate?

“Are you insane?” You gasped, suddenly trying to jerk away again, pulling your head away from his lips.

“Are you?” He asked and pushed one of his arms down around your waist, driving your ass back into his center where you could feel his rising excitement. This couldn't be happening. His other hand easily found purchase on your breasts, groping you over your shirt and bra. You moaned out involuntarily at the friction and then bit your lip to try and quiet yourself.

Were you dreaming?

“That’s right you fucking whore… this is what you wanted all along hm?”

“W-what are you talking about?” you panted. It was embarrassing how you felt right now. You wanted to get away, you wanted to get out right now, but you couldn’t bring yourself to struggle… your body would never forgive you for wasting this chance.

“Do you like to tease me?” he asked, and the hand that had been on your breast suddenly was wrapping around your throat as he pushed your head up and back against his shoulder, causing you to squeak as his eyes met yours.

Oh fuck.

You tried to shake your head, but you were totally incompacitated with his hand wrapped around you like this. The hand around your waist slithered up and he began quickly undoing the buttons on your uniform.

You weakly began to struggle, suddenly feeling anxiety shoot through you. You had just finished working, what if you were gross? A sick part of you wanted this, craved it, but the rational part of you was screaming at you to get out of there.

His hand eased on your throat only slightly and you gasped for air, causing him to laugh cruelly before he released your throat and turned you around to face him, his eyes were filled with desire and lust. It caught you so off guard you didn’t even have time to react before he was forcing you against the wall.

“I know you want me.” he said softly, strong arms caging you in on either side.

“I- I don’t know what you’re t-”

He cut you off by aggressively pressing his lips against yours, one hand grabbing your chin while the other began kneading your breast again, making you gasp and moan as his warm lips moved against yours. At first you tried to pull away, to stop the kiss, but his mouth felt so soft and his touch felt so good you couldn’t help yourself. Your eyes fluttered closed and one hand came up to grab the arm that was raised against your cheek.

A part of you knew this was wrong, and you knew that a normal person would be afraid of this large man, but you weren’t. You were completely overpowered with lust that had been stewing ever since he had walked through those doors.

Who cared if someone walked in? A part of you wished someone would.

Who cared if you weren’t in pristine condition? He clearly didn’t.

His hands found your legs and you let out a shocked squeak as he lifted you, forcing you to wrap your legs around his waist while your back leaned against the wall. Your arms quickly wrapped around his neck as well and he smiled down at your shocked expression.

“I’ve wanted you for so long,” he breathed as his nimble fingers took up unbuttoning your shirt again.

“M-me too,” you stuttered earnestly, already a desperate and needy mess, especially with the slight pressure of him against your core.

“Really,” he said, his voice lowering and one of his eyebrows cocking up in an enthused expression.

You were about to reply, but his hands were suddenly cupping your bra clad chest, squeezing slightly. You moaned embarrassingly, throwing your head back against the wall as he teased you.

“This is pretty,” He commented, his finger trailing down the outside of your lacy bra.

“Th-thanks,” You stuttered.

“Did you wear it hoping I might see it?” He asked, his hands cupping your breasts again as his dark eyes met yours in the halflight.

You remembered all the times you put on your work outfit you would wonder if Jin would like it. You had wondered if his hands would ever move to unclasp your bra and do all the things you could only fantasize about.

You nodded slightly and he smirked, before his hands were coming behind your back and skillfully unclasping the bra. A part of you wondered how many times he had done this before tonight, but you didn’t really care. He was yours for the night, so what did it matter?

As your bra was loosened he easily slid his hands under it to grope you much easier, his large hands cupping them. You pushed your head against the wall, biting your lip to stifle the moans that were bubbling at your lips. His fingers skillfully found your already hard nipples, running back and forth over them. With each touch of his hand arousal shot through your core.

“J-Jin,” you whimpered as he rolled your sensitive buds between his fingers.

“Yes my dear,” he asked, eyes boring into you.

“W-what if someone sees?” You asked, your breath was coming out faster as he began to play more roughly with your nipples, occasionally groping your chest insistently.

“Hmm… then I guess they’ll know how much of a slut you actually are behind that bitchy exterior,” he said. You huffed as he was suddenly attacking your neck again, trailing to bite your shoulder and collarbone, irritably pushing the fabric of your button up aside.

“F-fuck,” you whispered, shuddering as he began sucking on a spot just below your collarbone, hands still working gracefully on your chest. You could feel the growing wetness of your panties, and you were becoming needy. Unfortunately, Jin had no intentions of rushing the time he had with you, taking his time leaving an array of bruises just below your collarbones, hands still groping your chest.

His mouth finally found yours and as you kissed he helped you get your shirt off the rest of the way, and then gently lowered your feet to the ground to remove your bra as well. You kissed him back feverishly as his hands found your hips, holding them within his massive hand as your mouth opened with his, deepening the already sloppy kiss.

One of his hands went back to your breast, flicking over your nipple and making you squeak against his lips. He chuckled and pulled away, licking his lips as he looked at you standing topless before him.

You felt suddenly exposed but you couldn’t think too much as he was suddenly bringing his head down and gripping one of your breasts, guiding his hot mouth to your nipple. You gasped and shuddered at the feeling of his wet tongue against you, practically lying against the wall as he worked his magic on you, teasing your body cruelly.

You let out a startled gasp as he suddenly slapped your ass hard, the sound echoing in the dark room. He continued to squeeze and grope your ass while his mouth trailed from one breast to the other before reconnecting feverishly with your mouth. His fingers finally began to work at undoing your jeans and you lifted your arms again to wrap around his neck as you made out, to distract you as his hand wasted no time in dipping into your pants.

You moaned loudly and dropped your head against his shoulder to muffle the sound as his fingers dragged along your wet panties, finding your clit easily and beginning to move his middle finger in slow circles.

“You’re practically dripping,” he teased, and you let out a low whine as his finger continued to rub your sensitive bud through your panties. Your stomach was twisting and turning with anticipation, and all you wanted was to feel him inside of you already.

“Hurry up and fuck me!” You gasped as his finger pressed harder against you.

“Someone’s impatient,” He laughed, but made no move to do what you had told him. You reached out boldly and began rubbing over the bulge of his cock in his jeans, moving your own hand in slow circles as he did the same to you.

He didn’t stop you, but he did finally dip his hands beneath your panties, splitting the folds of your dripping cunt with his fingers and making your body shudder hard at the feeling. You kept rubbing his cock, but you were forced to stop as you felt a finger slip into your core, causing you to cry out loudly.

As you pulled back your head he pushed you back against the wall hard and reconnected his lips with yours to quiet you. As he began fingering you, his fingers brushed against your g-spot, drawing out mewls of arousal from your lips. You couldn’t even focus on the kiss, your entire being was focused on his fingers slipping in and out of your core.

You blushed hearing the squelching sounds of your wetness as he began fingering you.

“Let’s get these off of you shall we?” He suggested, and you whined as he pushed your jeans and panties down with ease, as soon as they hit the ground his fingers were dragging back against you, making you shudder and cry out.

“Jin!” you moaned as he suddenly was pushing his fingers inside of you again quickly, wasting no time in beginning to pound in and out of you expertly.

“You’d better quiet down before someone hears you princess,” he whispered darkly, not bothering to slow his pace.

You bit down hard on your lip, your hands reaching out to ground yourself on his shoulders, fingers digging into them as your mouth twisted in pleasure and embarrassment. The sound of your wetness was new even to you. Jin suddenly stopped and you whined out loudly, causing him to laugh softly.

“Sit down over here,” he ordered, and pointed to a chair conveniently placed in the corner of the room, probably left there to be thrown away, but instead forgotten.

“W-what if it’s dirty,” you whimpered.

He smiled softly down at you. You had been reduced to nothing more than his toy at this moment, standing naked in front of him, completely at his mercy. You had to say though, you definitely didn’t mind.

He slowly undid his chef’s coat, sliding it off to reveal a tight black tee shirt beneath it and slowly went to the chair, laying it over the bottom of it. In the half light you could see the definition of his muscles and as he turned around you were wrapping your arms around his neck to sloppily kiss him again while his hands wrapped around your waist, kissing you back just as hard as your hands glided to his chest.

He was just as muscular as you had expected.

“Take off your shirt,” you gasped.

He chuckled and pulled away, slowly grabbing the edges of it and sliding it over his head, revealing his toned abs and strong shoulders.

“Holy shit,” you whimpered, your hands coming to touch his pectoral muscles and running down his body, enjoying the ridges of his abs against your fingertips, stopping at his waist band.

“That’s enough now,” he cooed, “Sit down,” he ordered, pushing you slightly towards the chair.

“But what if-”

“Sit. Down.” His voice took on a more authoritative tone and your stomach twisted.

“O-okay,”

“It’s not okay. It’s, ‘Yes, Chef.’” he ordered.

“Y-yes Chef,” you stuttered, sitting down in the chair slowly.

You bit your lip as Jin dropped to his knees in front of you, looking down at him through anxious eyes. You had no idea what he was planning, or what he wanted.

“Spread your legs,” he ordered and you took a deep breath. You hadn’t expected to be this exposed to him at all. His eyes were boring into you hungrily, and you felt anticipation knotting up your stomach as you slowly spread apart your legs, revealing your wet core to him.

You flinched as he let out a shaking breath, “You’re so fucking hot,” he said, “Such a pretty little whore,”

You looked down at him as you felt his fingers coming up to caress your outer thighs, his fingers trailing over your knees and down your calves. Every touch from his nimble fingers was electric. Yet his hands wouldn’t go near your core, and you were growing desperate.

“T-touch me,” you whimpered.

“Hmm,” he sighed softly, and his fingers went higher up your thighs, “Show me how you want me to touch you,” He breathed and you felt a zing of anxious excitement shoot through you. You had never done something so lewd in front of another person, and you weren’t sure if you could.

“W-what do you mean?” You stalled.

“Take your hand,” he ordered, grabbing your wrist and guiding it to your dripping cunt, “And play with yourself while I watch. Show me how you like it.”

You bit your lip, looking down at him through your lashes, he stared up at you lustfully, his eyes sliding down your body to focus on your center.

You closed your eyes, and leaned back against the chair, your fingers sliding slowly between your folds and running over your clit. You brought up your other hand to gently begin playing with your nipple, sliding your finger back and forth as the one between your legs rubbed up and down against your clit, gliding between the folds.

You shuddered feeling his hot breath against your hand, and you chanced a glance to see he had drawn closer, focusing on your hand as it moved.

You slowly drew your finger down to your own entrance, pushing your finger against the entrance, little moans sliding out of your lips as you began to push a finger in, making Jin moan as well as he watched.

“You really are such a little slut,” he teased, and you mewled as you felt two of his fingers against you, beginning to push apart your folds further, examining your most private area with predatory eyes, “Just imagine if someone came in right now,” he whispered, his hot breath brushing against you as your finger pushed in further.

His talk was making you more excited and more desperate, you wished someone would come in and see this right now.

“Imagine the look on their face when they see you sitting here, touching your pretty little cunt for me.”

The thought alone was making you more worked up, “Chef,” you whimpered, plunging your fingers faster in and out of yourself, sweat was beading on your forehead and beginning to sheen over your body as you became more and more aroused.

“Yes princess,” He crooned, his fingers sliding up either side of your core, making you more crazy and desperate.

“Mmmm,” you couldn’t even speak as one of his fingers ghosted against your clit as you continued to touch yourself, finger flicking more insistently over your nipple, sending shocks of pleasure through you with each stroke.

“Such a good little whore, all for me,” he praised, beginning to rub your clit in slow circles, making you keen softly, biting your lip hard to try and stop the noises that were begging to spew from your lips.

You were drawing close, your thighs beginning to tremble as you attempted to spread your legs further for him, your hand reaching up to your own throat, squeezing the sides in desperation.

“Choking hm,” he whispered, and you whined as you heard him stand. His hands wrapped around both of your wrists, stopping you from bringing yourself to orgasm.

“L-let go,” you begged, attempting to push your fingers back inside but he pulled them out instead, laying your hand on your thigh while he took the hand around your throat and also set that on your thigh.

“I bet I can make you cum twice as hard as you can yourself,” he whispered against your ear, pressing a kiss against your temple. You felt his hands slip down against your core before pushing inside of you once again, this time with a vengeance.

“Oh fuck,” you gasped, and he quickly pressed his lips against yours to stifle you as he began to curl his fingers expertly inside of you. He rubbed that sensitive area with vigor, slowly picking up the pace as his other hand gripped gently on your throat. He was doing everything perfectly, and your body and mind were in ecstasy.

Your hands lifted to grip the offending arm desperately, fingernails digging into his firm arm.

“That’s right, come on Y/N,” He breathed against you, bringing you closer to the edge. You gasped and shuddered as an orgasm was suddenly upon you, causing you to lurch forward against Jin’s shoulder, clawing at his bicep as he carried you through the orgasm, pounding into you hard and fast.

He pulled quickly out of you, giving you a moment to come down, “Ready for another round?” He asked, and you pulled away in shock before he was suddenly rubbing your clit hard and fast, causing you to gasp as the pleasure changed to slight pain as overstimulation set in.

“S-stop… n-no,” You whimpered, your body already beginning to tremble. You were already exhausted from the first one, and you could feel the pressure building up twice as much.

Soon you were too far gone as he was pounding into you once again, sweat dripping down his chest and arms as he pounded in and out of you vigorously, his head against your wet neck.

“I’m-i’m gonna… oh please,” you mewled and your eyes clenched so tight that you saw white. Your body convulsed hard beneath his finger and his hand came over your mouth as your moans grew loud and intense, liquid spewed lewdly from out of you as you came.

He watched with pride as you squirted, body writhing as your wetness covered his hand.

As soon as you finished you felt intense humiliation racing through your veins, and as he went to pull away you grabbed a hold of him tightly, trembling still, your legs clamping closed. You felt like you might cry as you breathed against his chest.

“Good job princess,” he whispered, gently rubbing your thighs and sides before one of his hands was going to rub your back.

“I’m s-sorry,” you squeaked.

“Hm?” He asked, pulling away from you. His strong brows furrowed at your anxious expression.

“I didn’t m-mean to,” you whimpered, looking away from him, your hands holding tightly to his wet arm.

“Oh princess, you were amazing,” he praised, his voice taking on a comforting and almost sweet tone as he kissed your face.

You blushed brightly, taking deep breaths to calm down. You were still embarrassed, but as Jin’s hands ran up and down your sides soothingly, whispering praise against your ear, you slowly relaxed, and your body began begging once again for his cock.

“Will you fuck me now?” You whispered, looking up at him.

“I’m going to make you see stars,” he growled and you gasped as he was yanking you up from the chair and kissing you hard, his tongue invading your mouth feverishly.

You melted into the kiss, and your hands travelled down his well muscled torso to his black jeans. You were quick to undo his pants for him, pushing down the waistband eagerly, while still trying to maintain the kiss.

He separated from your mouth for a moment to pull down his pants, and then his boxers, revealing his hard length.

You gasped seeing how big he actually was, a zap of fear going through you as you wondered if you would be able to take him all. Your hands went to his cock, and you began jerking him off. Rubbing up and down on his hard length. He lifted his hands to your face, tangling his fingers in your hair as he kissed you hard, grunting occasionally as you went.

His mouth eventually left yours to attack the side of your neck, his hands sliding down your body and groping your ass. You were eager to feel him inside of you, just the thought alone making you wetter.

You whimpered as he smacked your ass quite hard and he pulled away from you, “Against the wall,” he ordered suddenly. You looked down and realized the precum beading at the tip of his hard cock.

You felt a flash of excitement and pride, “Yes, Chef,” you said, pulling away and going against the wall.

You heard him bend down and the rip of a package as he slipped on a condom. It was a good thing he thought to do so, because your mind was far from worrying about anything other than having him fill you.

You heard him coming back over and you squeaked as he grabbed your hips, pulling you back. Your palms splayed against the wall and you spread your legs a bit for him as he slid his finger down the length of your spine before pausing and you squeaked as he slapped your ass once again.

“After all the trouble you give me, it’s so good hearing you whine like that,” he said softly, and you gasped as he spanked you again, “You wanted me to punish you didn’t you,” he teased.

“Y-yes Chef,” you said, and as he spanked you once more, you revelled in the sting of it, feeling the way your body reacted to him spanking you. After a few more tears were pricking the corner of your eyes and you were growing needy.

“Oh please fuck me!” You cried out.

He was quiet for a moment, but then you felt his fingers slipping between your lips, pushing your lips apart to give him easier access.

“Alright now princess, be good for me,” he whispered and you waited with bated breath as the head of his cock teased your entrance, he rubbed against your slit a few times, gathering your own wetness all over his cock before he began to push inside of you.

You moaned out and brought one hand to your mouth to stifle the sound as your walls spasmed around him. He was massive, stretching you as he slowly inserted himself deep inside of you. He let out little grunts of his own at the feeling of your body clenching around him.

“I’m in,” he said, leaning down to gently bite your shoulder, making you squeak at the feeling.

“F-fuck me,” you begged, “Just fuck me,”

“So needy,” he commented, before he began slowly sliding in and out of you, causing your muscles to spasm. You bit your lip, trying to stifle any of the sounds that were begging to be released.

“You’re so fucking wet,” he groaned, smacking your ass as he started getting into a rhythm, fucking into you at a steady pace, making you whine and shudder around him. This was more than you could have ever dreamed. With each thrust he would bury himself deep inside of you, head teasing your cervix, before pulling nearly all the way out and then snapping his hips back into you, causing you to cry out at the feeling.

“Are you my little whore?” He growled as he started to pick up the pace.

“Y-yes chef,” you whimpered, feeling your knees growing weak.

“Say it.” He ordered, and you let out a faltering gasp as he suddenly pulled you up, one arm wrapping around your waist to hold you while his other wrapped around your throat, pushing your head back against his chest.

“Ahh, I-I’m your little whore,” you breathed out, gasping as he was suddenly thrusting right into a sensitive area deep inside, with each snap of his hips your body would spasm.

Suddenly you both froze hearing voices coming from somewhere, and adrenaline zapped through your body. Oh fuck, what if they heard you, or worse what if they came in and saw.

He grabbed you tightly and forced you to turn with him to face the door, grabbing one of your breasts, his finger flicking cruelly over your nipple, “Do you think you can keep quiet,” he whispered against your ear, slipping his hand down your abdomen to slide a finger over your clit.

“A-aang,” you gasped, biting your tongue as he began to move his finger in slow circles, the voices were growing closer.

“They’d be so turned on to see you like this,” he whispered, “Totally at my mercy.” He growled, beginning to thrust slowly in and out again, pulling his hand away from your clit to hold you, one hand still wrapped around your throat. You felt tears pricking your eyes as you did your best to keep quiet, your stomach twisting with anxiety and your heart pounding so loud they could probably hear it out there.

He did everything in his power to torment you, fingers running between teasing your nipple and rubbing your clit. Whispering sweet nothings against your ear while occasionally biting your earlobe.

Finally you heard the door to the outside open and it was silent once more.

You let out a shaky sigh and he picked up the pace, his hand splaying across your abdomen. “Good girl,”

“Y-you’re insane,” you whined, and he laughed softly before beginning to fuck you harder, the sound of his skin slapping yours filling the room.

“You’re taking me so well,” he praised, “I can feel my cock hitting your walls,” he whispered in your ear, sending a shiver through your body.

He grabbed your hand, placing it under his against your abdomen. You gasped as he suddenly snapped his hips into you, and you felt the bulge against your hand, making you even more turned on.

“Can you feel it,”

“You’re so fucking big,” you whined as he suddenly started fucking you harder, almost bouncing you on his cock. His hand moved from yours to rub your clit, making you moan loudly. His hand on your throat was snapping over your mouth in an instant to quiet you as you were pushed into orgasm once more, muscles spasming around the large man’s monstrous cock, the feeling of him hitting into your hand was making you crazy.

As you finished he slipped out of you, and you nearly fell, your legs weak. He caught you easily and spun you around, pushing you up against the wall. His hands slipped under your thighs and he was lifting you before you knew it, forcing you to wrap your legs around his hips.

“I’m not done just yet baby,” he whispered. You whimpered, and sighed as he slid his cock back into easily.

“Hmmmm,” You sighed in contentment, your hands wrapping around his neck and tangling in his hair as you leaned forward to kiss him hard.

He didn't even need to lean you against the wall, wrapping his arms around you as he kissed you back just as hard, your walls spasming around his large cock. You felt so full it was blissful.

He finally pressed you back against the wall, and began to pound in and out of you, causing you to throw your head back against the wall as he fucked you.

He was going faster, sweat was dripping from both of you as you were getting closer to orgasm and Jin was right on the edge. He was beginning to spew curse words, his hands gripping your sides hard as he pounded into you. You were almost laying against the wall, if it wasn’t for his hands holding you up and your death grip around his neck you would fall.

“Such a good fucking whore,” He growled, and you gasped as he lifted a hand to grope your breast, flicking his finger over your nipple before you saw his abdomen spasm, his muscles clenching as he groaned out loudly himself. His hand going back, exposing his gorgeous neckline, face twisted in pleasure.

You moaned at the sight, and as the hand on your breast rubbed over your swollen, oversensitive clit you were coming as well, body spasming for the fourth time in orgasm as he held you tightly. As you both finished finally you pulled yourself up onto him, dropping your head against his shoulder and taking gasping breaths, your entire body exhausted.

You felt his cock slip out of you and he held you tightly, a hand going to your head, running his fingers through your hair, breathing just as deeply as you.

“How are you?” He asked.

“Tired,” you muttered, you weren’t sure yet if you could stand on your own.

“Think you’ll be able to drive home?” He asked, rubbing your back in slow circles.

You let out a soft sigh, “Ohhhh, fuck,” you groaned. You had completely forgotten about the thirty minute drive home, and already your body was so sore and tired. You wanted to sleep more than anything.

“You can stay the night with me,” he offered sweetly.

“Are you sure,” you muttered.

“Get dressed,” He ordered, helping you disentangle yourself from him and finding your clothes for you.

You struggled slightly getting yourself dressed. You would need to go to the bathroom asap, but you wondered if he would leave you behind if you did. Not that it would matter. Jin put on his clothes, folding up his chef's coat from the chair and folding it over his arm.

You looked at it and felt a dark blush cover your cheeks, “I’m sorry… about that.” you said, gesturing to the chef's coat.

Jin chuckled darkly, “It was sexy,” he said, shrugging and grinning from ear to ear.

You looked away shyly, “Th-thanks… and I- I’m sorry about today too. I was just frustrated and-” Jin came forward, placing a finger against your lips.

“Hush. We’re already past that… you made up for it… Besides it was more me than you that was being an asshole.” He admitted, and leaned forward to kiss your forehead.

“I really like you,” you blurted. Perhaps it was the exhaustion, or the fact this man had given you four of the best orgasms of your life, but you were suddenly ready to bare your soul to him.

You didn’t want this to be a one time thing… well maybe just once here. You didn’t want to go back to the strained relationship.

“Well I gathered that,” he said, rolling his eyes at you.

“I-I mean it… I…”

“Princess, we don’t need to talk about this right now.” He said, caressing your cheek, “We smell like sex and sweat, and we’re standing in a filthy back room at work… let’s go back to my place okay? We can take a shower and talk more,” he promised.

You nodded slowly, that sounded heavenly… but still.

“Th-that’s fine but, we won’t go back to how things were before right?… We aren’t gonna fight anymore?”

“I’m tired of pretending I like you less than I do,” he said, smiling sweetly at you before coming over to you.

He placed his arm around you and slowly opened the door, looking both ways before stepping out and taking you outside into the cold air. As soon as you got to his car and sat down in the passenger seat you were out like a light…

[geraldineswriting]

𝐁𝐫𝐮𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐁𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧

(𝗠𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗠𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁)

𝘚𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺 = 𝘓𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘢 𝘚𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘙𝘢𝘧𝘦 𝘊𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘰𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘥𝘶𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘫𝘰𝘣 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘥, 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦.

𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 = 2𝘬

𝘗𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 = 𝘖𝘊 𝘹 𝘙𝘢𝘧𝘦 𝘊𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘰𝘯

𝘞𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 = 𝘓𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘨𝘦 & 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵 & 𝘍𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧

(𝘕𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘨𝘪𝘧, 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘸𝘯𝘦𝘳!)

Small snowflakes filled up the frostbitten window, while the dimming fire started to burn to ash in Liliana’s living room. The wind blew through the vents in the ceiling, filling up the air with loneliness and indecision. The young girl sitting on the couch was lost and in love with a love that didn’t exist. A love that always lived in her dreams but never spilled over to reality. Her soft pajama pants were clean and new but her heart was tattered and bruised. 

Liliana looked over to the picture that had been framed and put on her shelf three years ago, showing a boy and a girl with their arms placed over each other so naturally that it was questionable. She could still feel his arm being placed on her shoulder and his laugh in her ear, “Smile like you mean it, Liliana Stuart.” 

That was the night they first met, caused by her unabashed loud laugh, which resulted in Rafe’s curiosity to see what could be so funny at one of his family's parties. She went home that night, finally knowing what it was like to fall in love with a stranger. It took the next three years for her to find out what it was like to fall in love with someone who couldn’t love her back. 

Liliana had been home for the past six days, not caring to leave her house or turn on her phone. The street lights that burned through her windows kept her company while the thoughts in her head left her haunted. In the past week, she had come to a few realizations that needed to be recognized. For one, she was in love with Rafe Cameron and the choice to pretend she didn’t was no longer an option. Second, she needed to move on because sacrificing even another day of her sanity just so he could unknowingly spend his time in her head was now pointless. And finally, she had to tell him. There was no other way for her to find closure except to hear it from his own mouth. Liliana knew and now she had made a choice.

In the past three years, she had become best friends with a boy, who then turned into a man. She knew the Rafe that hurt people but now she knew the Rafe that had turned his own and others pain into forgiveness. He’s still the same man she met all those nights ago, but now drugs, negativity and immaturity were no longer in the picture. He had opportunity and promise, now not just as a wealthy kook but also as himself. Maybe that's why he accepted the job offer to the mainland. Maybe it was something else. 

Liliana sat up, memorizing the cracks in the floor, trying to understand it all. When did her curiosity turn into adoration? Why can’t she unlove him? Why can’t he love her? She knows every answer but because of the flame that is burning in her heart, she needs to put it out. She needs to be able to wake up everyday and not ache with the false knowingness of imaginary maybes. It was time to move on.

The phone was picked up and turned back on, the screen turning from black to color. A few texts pop up, but only one catches her attention.

Are you alright? Call me. 

Such a simple question that carries such a complicated answer sent from such a beautiful person. It looks like it was only sent a few hours ago as she pressed his contact and called him. She held the phone much tighter than she meant to, nervousness creeping into her bones and settling itself as the goosebumps on her skin. 

“Thank fuck, are you alright?” Rafe asked breathlessly into the phone.

“Yeah, sorry for disappearing, I-I,” She paused, no longer knowing that way with which she wanted this to go. 

“It’s okay, I know what it’s like. I’m just glad you’re okay.” 

“Thanks, I’m fine. I was actually wondering if you were busy right now?” Her nervous laugh filled the sudden silence. Is she being stupid? Reckless? Or is she doing the right thing?

“Uh, yeah, yeah. Sorry I was looking at the time. Yeah, want me to pick you up?” 

“Sounds fine, see you soon then.” 

“See you soon.”

Rafe hung up and her ears were only filled with the faint sound of absolute silence. She felt scared and maybe even terrified. She looked back over to the picture frame on the shelf, his smile breaking her heart. How many times has he given her that same smile, all happiness and teeth, unknowing to the repeated pain it left her with. If only she could unlearn every smile, and laugh so that maybe his curse could be lifted off of her. She could be free. 

She stood up and slipped on a pair of sandals, keeping on her pajama pants and sweatshirt. She decided to wait on the front porch, even if a light snow covered the ground. Maybe the cold could freeze the river of heat flowing through her heart. 

She waited for a few minutes until she saw his small car pull up in her driveway. As she walked towards the car to get in, he jumped out, racing over to her side first. 

“Wait, I think we both need a hug first, it's been too long.” He wrapped her up in his arms and for a fleeting moment she remembered why she ever mistook his friendliness for more. He felt like a healing heart, an ending to end all endings. 

“I missed you Liliana Stuart even if it’s only been a week.”

“And I, you Rafe Cameron.” She could feel the painful lump in her throat, the feeling of tears crawling their way to her eyes. She was able to temporarily blink them back before he pulled away. She couldn’t let him see her pain, not tonight.

They both got into the car, him speeding down the street to stop into a desolate parking lot. She had a feeling that he knew she wanted to talk, which made this conversation somewhat easier to handle. She had to be strong, to not show her weakness. 

Once he parked, her hands clammed up in the pockets of her sweatshirt. Liliana felt his eyes burning into her skin like fire. She matched his gaze, so many different questions burning between the two. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. 

“What’s been going on Liliana?” He whispered into the silence, trying to make himself seem comforting. Rafe had a deep feeling he knew what this was going to be about.

“It’s been a hard week and I just needed to think about things. With us I mean.” The tears were coming again and this time they were unstoppable. They seared her eyes, even though she used every bit of strength to fight them off. Just like loving him though, it was useless to try and stop.

“Hey, it's alright, you know you can tell me anything.” 

“I don’t know how to tell you this Rafe,” She paused trying to gather her thoughts. “To put this into words just seems impossible.” 

He could hear the anxious thoughts rolling around in her head. He could see the tears cascading down her face like a never ending waterfall of pain. He couldn’t stand seeing her like this.

“Well then how about I start?” He squeezed her hand tighter, now holding her hand in both of his. She looked out the window as she nodded, not standing the fact that she was having such a hard time doing something that should be so simple.

“I uh, we’ve been friends for three years and you mean so much to me. I know that something is wrong but just know that whatever it is, it won’t change our relationship. I’ll still be here.” He took a deep breath, trying to pick his next words carefully. He knew that he didn’t want to hurt her more, or make this any worse. “I’m guessing this has to do with more than just me moving away for that job.”

Liliana couldn’t stand the heartstopping pain that coursed through her lungs from using every bit of her self-control to not say what she couldn’t.

“Rafe, that’s the thing,” She gasped for breath, “I want our relationship to change. It’s the fact that no matter what I do you can’t love me like I need you to. My hands are so empty except for when they’re in yours. I’m just, I’m just in love with you and I don’t know how to make you love me back.” 

The ball had dropped. The unspeakable words were spoken. They both knew his next words would heal or break her heart. She tore her hand away from his hand, holding her head up on her own. The only proof of her sobs was the shaking of her shoulders, face hidden away from his sight. She couldn’t look him in the eyes when he shattered her into pieces.

Rafe wasn’t surprised those were the words that tumbled from her lips. Some part of him always knew her heart belonged to him. He just wished she had told him earlier because now things had changed. He was moving and starting a new life in a land that she had no plans to travel to.

He gently placed his hand on her back, taking back one of her hands with his other. 

“Hey, come here.” He spoke so gently, as he guided her into his arms. She gripped his shoulders, crying into his neck.

“I’m so sorry, Rafe. I’m sorry.” 

“There is absolutely no reason to be sorry,” She felt his hands on her back, holding her like she was a fragile piece of fine china that was breaking no matter how hard he held on.

“You know I love you back right? I always have.” He felt her cries pause as she slowly leaned back from his sheltering hug. “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

“I never said anything because I never imagined you could feel the same. I thought you only ever looked at me like a friend.” Liliana spoke in a tone she hadn’t used in years, a tone with sincerity and happiness intertwined together. She couldn’t believe it.

“Since the night we met, I’ve always loved you Liliana Stuart. I just wish one of us said something sooner. We both know things have changed now.” 

And there it was. The happy moment that filled the air with static had ended. Reality was once again set into place and it was cruel and unapologetic. 

“So what do we do now?” She asked quietly, scared that if she spoke any louder it would chip further away at their already cracked hearts.

“Well the first option, which is my least favorite, is we do nothing. I move away and every once in a while we'll do our best to keep in touch as friends.”

“I don’t like that option either. Option two?” He was relieved to hear her answer.

“Option two, we try out a relationship until I leave. Then, well I guess, we go back to being friends. Again not my favorite choice.” 

“Please tell me there’s another choice.” 

She wished so deeply that he wasn’t moving away, or that they had this conservation years ago. This seemed entirely unfair for both of them. Love wasn’t supposed to be like this, timing was supposed to be rooting for them, not making things harder. 

“There is our last option,” He held her hand, looking into her swollen eyes. “You come with me.”

“Yes.�� She spoke with such vibrance and assurance that it was undeniable. She had made up her mind and nothing could possibly change it. 

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to regret this Liliana.”

“Are you going to regret this Rafe?” He didn’t even need to think twice.

“No, not if it’s you.” 

“Then that’s that. I’m coming with you and we’re doing this.”

They couldn’t stop looking away from each other. They finally had unspoken permission to love each other without the secret glances and stolen touches. They were each other's for the taking, no holding back. 

“Can I kiss you Lil?”

“You better Rafe Cameron.”

[parrishh]

i'm like, 90% sure all of the anons in my inbox right now are actually the same person so, if that's you, i'm just going to answer all of your mister impossible questions in this post since there are a lot of them and this is going to be really very extremely long

"Wait what why is Jordan awake?"/"Is the sweetmetal of declans picture helping jordan stay awake?"

i don't know why she's awake but i don't think it's the painting, because at the end of the book she's outside declan's apartment, not her own. i guess it's possible that she succeeded in making the painting a sweetmetal powerful enough to sustain her even there, but i feel like there's probably a different explanation. i've seen theories that she's inadvertently made herself into a sweetmetal by finally seeing herself as her own person rather than just a copy of hennessy, which is interesting

"And the things about the ley line Idgi? Hennessy wants to stop the power but for what"

i think hennessy thinks shutting down the ley line is the best (or even only) way to get rid of the lace. she hates herself for the lace to the extent that she doesn't even want to live anymore, so of course that's her primary motivation. she feels hopeless so long as the lace has power. she's desperate

"Why did he think adam was in on declans plan? I think the "oh" was more like oh you want to come with bryde of course...."

the "oh" is in response to ronan saying "i'm calling now. i need to see you", before there's even any mention of bryde. adam says "you're here? oh", not "you're here? why are you here?" the fact that he didn't ask why ronan was in town, the fact that he said an "oh" of realization instead, implied that he already knew why ronan was in town. and he could have only known by speaking to declan. i think it was a reasonable conclusion on ronan's part

"Ronan are you being serious????? Why should Adam/Declan drop everything and come fight with you - they didnt even know where you are, they don't know the plan. Then you accuse them of that Moderators plan without questioning them. And I mean, yes, Ronan is easily manipulated and he thinks everyone is against them and Bryde is the only one who cares but come on!!!!!!! Seriously, doesn't he get that he might be in the wrong????"

i mean, i think you hit the nail on the head when you said "he thinks everyone is against them." for a long time, he's been struggling with feeling alone, like he's a burden, like the people he loves don't really understand him. he's never had a healthy relationship with another dreamer, so it makes sense that he feels so isolated from literally everyone he cares about. and now he just found out two of the most important people in his life went behind his back to conspire against him (even if he doesn't have confirmation about adam, declan does admit to it over the phone) which is just...salt on a wound he's had since he was a kid. i'm not saying he's in the right, but i do understand why his immediate reaction was what it was. when you've been hurt like that, it takes some time before you can like, calm down and reconsider your own role in the situation

"Ronan basically dreamt Bryde in his worst dream right? Why does he still trust him"

i mean, i don't know how much we can believe what bryde says, but when he reveals himself as being ronan's dream he basically says that everything that he (bryde) wants, ronan already subconsciously wanted before he even dreamt him. that bryde wants it because ronan wanted it. to admit that bryde is in the wrong, ronan would have to admit he, himself, is in the wrong, too, and that's not easy. especially because a lot of his motivation is saving matthew and not wanting to live with the weight of matthew's life on his conscious anymore. especially because he's felt alone for so long, and now he just found out the first dreamer to truly make him feel less alone is his own creation. he's hurting. a lot. he will admit to being wrong in the third book, i think, but like i mentioned above, that kind of growth takes some time

"I think Ronan actually doubts Brydes plan too bc he thinks stuff like people built the dam, there are living things here, it cost a fortune..... and i personally never see a purpose in what they're doing bc bryde never tells them and ronan obviously doesn't know or he thinks he doesnt. I think he doesnt and he just trudts bryde blindly for now and his insecurities aka bryde take over and rule over ronan. Thoughts?"

i mean, i think ronan sees the purpose. here are his thoughts, directly quoted from chapter 17 when bryde is talking about restoring the ley lines:

"A world where Matthew could just live. A world where Ronan could just dream. A world where every dream was clear and crisp and easy to navigate, so there were never accidents or nightmares. He wanted it."

he wants, as i mentioned above, for matthew's life to not be reliant on his own (which i understand. that's a really heavy knowledge to live with.) he also just wants to be able to exist wherever he wants and with whomever he wants (thinking, for example, about how he wasn't able to get an apartment in boston in cdth), without constantly worrying that the nightwash is going to kill him. poor guy just wants a normal life

"Also did we ever actually see bryde get something out of a dream? Most work did Ronan"

this is interesting. now that you mention it, i don't think we do. supposedly he dreams the orbs, but i can't recall ever seeing that happen? i could be wrong, though

"And why is the nightwash mostly ronans problem? I mean hennessy and rhionna (?) had it very little and who knows if the other dreamers have it"

i think ronan is a much, much more powerful dreamer than any of the others. there's something...More about him. something special about being the greywaren. i don't know what it is, specifically, but i anticipate that's something we'll find out in the final book, and i expect it'll explain why the nightwash affects him more than it does the others

"Who the hell dreamt the mods"

i don't know! i think the most popular theory right now is that it was nathan farooq-lane. i'm not sure how that works, though, since they killed nathan and bryde took the sweetmetal off of lock pretty early in the book (unless nathan isn't actually dead, somehow) (or bryde is nathan, which is another popular theory). another theory is that it was ronan. like, he was feeling so alone and misunderstood that he accidentally dreamt his own persecutors? or it's possible that they were all just dreamt by random dreamers and that's why they felt strongly enough about the "cause" to become moderators, but that's kind of boring

"And why are R B and H so dangerous? Bc of what they're doing?"

yeah, and, i mean, according to liliana's visions, they have the power to end the world

"Can I point out that Idk what everyone is talking about, I dont get pynch possible breakup vibes at all from this book"/"Am I trippin or did I read another book? Because some fellas say there's no pynch"

i think when people say there's no pynch, they just mean that there's very minimal pynch interaction, specifically. because, yeah, even though they're both constantly thinking about each other, it is true that we only get one moment of them actually interacting (the phone call), and it's obviously not a positive interaction

i don't think anyone actually thinks they'll break up. at least, i haven't seen anyone say that and i've been feverishly reading everything under the mister impossible tag, so

"What struck me as really odd was that Adam bought this stupid 14$ waffle which he would have never done a few months back and I dont think he would do it now? 14$ is a lot of money esp for a waffle so why spend it on something as useless as this? And why do the others need Adams money? Are they all on scholarships? Was it just bc he had cash and the others didnt? And why is he treating them like his followers and they treat him as their guardian or whatever like he clearly needs to be honest with them"

okay, first off, i will say, as someone who grew up poor and, like adam, absolutely busted my ass in high school to get a good scholarship so i could go to college, the relief of actually getting that scholarship is...powerful. my financial anxiety definitely didn't disappear once that happened, but there was, at least in my experience, this feeling of "i made it, it's going to be okay now" that made it a little easier to spend money. i don't think it's that unrealistic that he, now having the security of a harvard education, would spend fourteen dollars on something he doesn't need every once in a while. it would be completely out of character for henrietta adam, yes, but it's a bit different now. plus, it wouldn't suit his faux Harvard Adam persona to refuse the waffle because of how much it costs

i think his friends are all a lot more well-off than he is. it was just that they didn't have any cash on them and the waffle truck didn't take card (also realistic, i never have cash on me so i always have to ask someone to spot me when a place turns out to be cash-only)

i think (a) they all look up to him because he has this really calm, cool and collected persona. more importantly, we can assume that they were all struggling with something when he met each of them, since they were all crying. now in swoops this guy who saw them upset and came to comfort and befriend them. of course they see him as something like a hero. and (b) i think he likes that. in high school, he was the one being rescued, not the one rescuing. i think he enjoys being the kind of person he used to wish he could be (ie. gansey. he's being gansey)

"I thought it a bit funny in a weird way that Declan talked about marrying Jordan…I can't imagine he was being too serious about it?"

no, i mean, i don't think he was literally proposing, not yet. he's just really happy for the first time in a long time (maybe ever) and, after a lifetime of pain and trauma and more responsibility than he ever signed up for, i don't blame him for wanting that feeling to last forever, even if he's not really thinking clearly

"Also I think it's amazing they make each other so happy but the ending makes me a bit sad or surprised bc shouldn't Matthew be his nr1 priority now?"

we only have jordan's perspective at the end, so when she thinks that it was clear declan had come out of his apartment looking for her, i don't think that necessarily means he wasn't also looking for matthew. i don't think it's fair to say that, in that moment, he should prioritize either matthew or jordan. he loves two dreams, so he can and should be concerned for both of them equally. i don't think one love is inherently more important than the other just because it's lasted longer or because it's family

[atomic-taco-muffin]

Kingdom High Chapter 3

Warnings: same as the other two

Rating: SFW

(lesbian panic)

Once upon a time...

In a faraway land...

“I am Raven Queen, daughter of the Evil Queen, and I pledge-uhm... I—” Raven said. Apple was waiting behind Raven excitedly.

“Come on! Do it!” she said. 

“I-huh...” Raven said. 

All eyes were on Raven as she faced the most important choice—

Really? You're gonna start there, at Legacy Day? 

You know, there's only really room for one narrator here.

Start at the beginning! Where the whole Rebel and Royal drama began!

Oh, fine! Gather round, friends, and let us tell you a story: the story of Ever After High, a high school for the teenage sons and daughters of the most famous fairy tale characters who ever lived. But this year was like no other for the students of Ever After High. Raven's Tale, the story of a Rebel.

It was the year of Legacy Day; a momentous event where the students pledge to all the magical world to follow the same paths as their fairy tale parents. 

Which they better do, or else!

I'm sorry, who's telling this story?! If you don't—

“Would you two stop fighting?!” Maddie asked as she stomped her foot.

“Peas and crackers,” she said. 

“Um, who are you talking to?” Raven asked. Maddie ran up to Raven.

“Why, the narrators! Oh, you can't hear them, Raven, only I can,” she said. 

“Okay...” Raven said. Maddie looked up and giggled.

“Can I talk now?” Raven asked. 

“Mhm!” Maddie said.

“It's just... Ah! I'm sick of everyone thinking I'm so ‘evil,’ because my mom was. It's not fair!” Raven sent her baggage to oblivion using her magic by accident. Maddie put her hand on Raven’s shoulder.

“No one thinks you're evil. Hehe, now you're just talking crazy! La-la-la!” she said. 

“Daughter of the Mad Hatter calls ME crazy?” Raven asked. She then sighed.

“Would you stop with the worry-flurry?” Maddie asked. The two of them walked up the steps.

“Everyone at school loves you!” Maddie said.

“It's Raven Queen! Run!” a pig said. 

“She. Is. Evil!” a prince said and a fountain sprayed at him.

“Run, everyone!” Lilly-Bo Peep said. Her sheep bleated in alarm. The students screamed and hid away.

“See? They love you!” Maddie said. Her watch sprung open.

“Yay,” she said. she flung off her watch her watch and set up a tea table.

“Tea time! Earl Grey!” she said. Earl Grey squeaked.

“Oh, you clever dormouse! Why, yes,” she said as she poured some tea into a cup.

“This is a new dress,” she said. It became lunch time and Raven sat alone in the castleteria.

And so, life for Raven was not easy; feeling alone and isolated.

As it should be. She is destined to be evil.

Couldn't go twenty seconds without talking, could you?

Dexter noticed Raven and approached her. He waved and started talking to her.

“Hey, Raven! Uh-You look gort... I mean great. I-I don't even know what gort is...” he said. 

“I'd offer you a seat, but I'm ‘evil.’ To sit here you'd have to be pretty—” Raven said. Daring and Apple entered the room and fans screamed for them.

“Daring?” Raven asked.

“Oooh, Daring!” a girl said.

“What? No, Raven, I'm Dex, Dexter Charming! Daring's my bro...” Dexter flinced.

“Ther. Oh, gort,” he said. 

“Raven, how's every enchanted thing?” Apple asked. 

“Apple White. Good to see ya. Hey, Daring!” Raven said. 

“I-uh I have to warn you: don't stare at the teeth. Just got them whitened,” Daring said. He flashed a smile in another direction and it had tanned the pigs. The bell soon rang.

“Oh-oh! There's the bell. Time for Good Kingdom Management,” Apple said. She waved a hand to Raven.

“Raven, what's your next class?” she asked. 

“Uh... History of Evil Spells?” Raven read.

“That is so perfect for you!” Apple chuckled. Cerise walked past them.

“Hey, Cerise, how's it going?” Daring asked. He smiled at her which caused her to drop her tray. She growled but then coughed afterwards.

“Oh uh, sorry, I-I have a cold!” she said and ran away.

“Free food!” a pig said.

That night, as Raven returned to her dorm, she found quite the surprise waiting for her. Raven knocked on the door, expecting Maddie to be inside.

“Hey! Maddie?” Raven asked as she lightly pushed open the door.

“Welcome home, roomie!” Apple said as she turned around.

“Huh, good one, Apple. I'm rooming with Maddie this year.”

“Not anymore! Since you're such an important part of my story; you poison me, I fall asleep...” Apple shook her head.

“The prince wakes you with a kiss blah-blah-blah, yada-yada I know! So?” Raven said. 

“So, I asked headmaster Grimm if we could live together! And he said yes,” Apple said while nodding her head.

“Isn't that enchanting?” she asked.

“Ugh... But-but...” Raven said.

“Oh-oh-oh! You are going to love rooming with me! I'm thoughtful, and beautiful, and I sing the most wonderful songs about woodland creatures.” She cleared her throat and started singing.

“🎵All the doves love to fly and the hares love to burrow!🎵” she sang. Raven was annoyed and she shooed the doves out.

“Move along, move along. Nothing to see here,” she said. One dove unexpectedly stayed and Raven stroked its chin.

“And, I already decorated your half of the room!” Apple clapped.

“Isn't it just the evilest? I knew you'd love it!” she said. 

“This is gonna be a looooong year,” Raven shrugged. She continued playing with the dove.

Which brings us to the rehearsals for the Legacy Day ceremony.

“So, when your magical key appears, you insert it gently into the Storybook of Legends, then stand, shoulders back, and declare your destiny to the world! Have I made myself clear?” Headmaster Grimm said.

“Headmaster Grimm, but what if...” Raven asked as she held up her finger.

“No questions? Good. Now, we're going to practice with this tiny Manual of Entirely Reasonable School Rules.” He cleared his throat and signaled the little pig to leave.

“I, Madeline Hatter, pledge to follow the destiny of dear old dad: The Maaaad Hatter of Wonderland! When do we drink the tea?” Maddie said. 

“Next!” Grimm said. 

“I'm Hunter Huntsman and I pledge to follow my destiny as the next huntsman. I'll swing my axe bravely and—” Hunter said. He looked in the audience and saw his pet squirrel, Pesky, blowing a rasberry.

“Really, Pesky? You wanna play that way?” Hunter asked. 

“Next!” Grimm said. 

“I'm-I'm Cedar Wood, and-uh I pledge to follow my destiny and be the next Pinocchio. Well, I mean, not the next Pinocchio... huh. I mean, actually, I can only tell the truth while I'm in school, but then one day, one day I'm gonna lie... Uh, but does that mean I'm gonna be like my dad... or not like my dad...” Cedar said. 

“Next!” Grimm said. Suddenly, some girls had arrived. 

“Um, excuse me! Are you Headmaster Grimm?” Akaya asked. 

“Yes, I am. Who might you be?” Grimm said. 

“My name is Akaya and these are my friends. This is Lisa, Liliana, Daicha, Hana (yes i’m adding my oc), Yui (and yes i’m adding yui from the lost princess series), Annna, Yami, Anju, Kurota, Ahmya, Kaji, Mizuki, Elena, Ena, Eimi, Hasumi Chika, Sakura, Aashni, Alina, Dawn, Chihiro, and Adreanna.”

“Ahh, you must be our new transfer students. Come, come. We’re just doing our Legacy Day Rehearsal.” Akaya and the others walked up to the podium. As the Royals were doing their pledge, Yui and Raven spoke with each other. 

“‘sup! I’m Yui. What’s your name?” Yui whispered. 

“I’m Raven. Are you a royal or a rebel?” Raven whispered back. 

“I’m a rebel.”

“Cool. Me too. Hope we get to know each other during this year.” 

“Next!” Grimm said. Yui walked up to the podium. 

“I am Yui. Daughter of Xemnas. And I pledge to become the next superior of Organization XIII. If I don’t do anything stupid that is,” she said. 

“Next!” Grimm said. Yui’s friends went next. 

“I'm Raven Queen and I pledge to follow my destiny as... um... I have a question!” Raven said. 

“What is it?” 

“I was just wondering, I mean, what if I don't want to take the pledge?” everyone gasped except for Yui and her friends. Apple’s mouth fell open and Daring shut it with the back of his hand.

“What? It's just a question!” Raven said. Headmaster Grimm walked sternly up to Raven. 

“And here's your answer. If you don't pledge your destiny, your story ceases to exist,” he said. 

“Ceases to exist? So then... What happens to me?” Raven asked. 

“You will cease to exist! Poof!” Raven stepped back. 

“Now, Raven, continue,” Grimm said. 

“But, Mr. Grimm...” 

“Poof-poof!” Raven flinched. 

“Ah!.. I have to go,” she said. Students were gasping as she left the podium. Yui watched her leave nervously.

“But the rules are... The rules!” Grimm said. 

In the Vault of Lost Tales, deep beneath the school, another was listening: Giles Grimm, the brother of the school's headmaster.

“The Raven flies. The clouds, they sing! But what should happen when the tide rolls in?” Giles said. Raven sighed and sat on a log out in the forest.

What will happen indeed.

That's it? That's where you're ending the story? I cannot wait until it is my turn to tell the story.

And why are you so against these kids choosing their own destiny?

~~~~

Yui and her friends were hanging out at her father's castle (don’t worry. I’m gonna make a list of all of the children of the characters). The girls were hanging out in the Gray Area, catching up on the latest gossip. Everything was fine until the ground started to shake. The girls all stood up and went to go see what was happening. They ran to a balcony and saw that a storm of darkness was approaching. The seven guardians daughters quickly went home while the others went to go help the Organization. 

“What should we do?” Yui asked Xemnas. 

“I’m not sure. But it seems like this darkness is stronger than we have ever faced,” Xemnas said. 

“We have to do something!” Dawn said. 

“Please, dad. Isn’t there anything we can do?” Yui asked. 

“I’m sorry. But we’ve lost,” Xemnas said. 

“Here it comes,” Xigbar warned. Everyone huddled close as the storm hit them, transporting them into a new and strange world. 

[amwritingmeta]

End of S15 Spec: Is Cas Returning to Heaven?

My dearlings, my sweetlings, my buttery, Scottish shortbreads -

We’re in times of great turmoil right now and my only way to relax myself out of the need to check my Twitter feed every other minute and retweet all the inspiring or infuriating or educational stuff that’s coming at me left, right and centre, is to write. I started working on this piece of spec a little while back, after talking to @waywardliliana (hey girl hey) and last week I felt inspired to start writing this spec-meta-hopes-and-wishes-whathaveyou, so here we are.

This spec was actually brought on by Liliana telling me a prevailing theory in fandom right now (or a few weeks back) which is that Cas is going to die in 15x18. 

As far as I understand it from Liliana, this theory is based on the fact that Jensen and Misha were talking at VegasCon about having shot a heavy scene just the two of them (and quite possibly with Alex) before heading off to the con, and this scene is taking place sometime during 15x18.

That’s literally all I know, but that’s what I’m basing this spec on: something heavy happening between Dean and Cas in 15x18 as per “confirmed” by the actors themselves.

So, off the cuff: I don’t think Cas is going to die. 

Mostly due to narrative reasons, because I can’t see how him dying would service the story they’ve built for him this season whatsoever (let’s not forget about his deal with the Empty) (and I’ll dig deeper into that) nor how it would play into his individual arc as a whole, but also because it’s too repetitive. 

We’ve seen him die an angel death, we don’t need to see it again, nor would it be as impactful as Cas’ death at the end of S12 (and beginning of S7) where both instances can be looked at as serving to push Dean into a state of grief, where we got the chance to feel the loss and absence of Cas through how it affected Dean. Yeah? (yes!)

It’s always been beautifully handled, to be honest. Dean losing faith (and most starkly his faith in himself) when losing Cas. It happened in the S7 greif arc, and it happened in an even more condensed and pointed way in S13.

Because in S13, unlike in S7, Dean is no longer forcing a smile and pretending he’s okay. Instead, he’s wearing his anger like the armour it is, while telling Sam he’s fine, which Sam sees through very easily, and we do too, because of course he’s not fine. Until we finally get Dean admiting he needs Sam to keep the faith, because right now Dean can’t believe in a damn thing.

*mh mh good*

(it even happened to some extent in S15 after Cas left) (though then he was more in the I don’t give a fuck anymore mood) (once Cas comes back who is it that suddenly cracks the case of how to fight God wide open?) (yup) (our Dean that’s who)

So what would Cas dying bring to Dean’s individual arc this time around? 

What would Cas dying mean for Cas’ individual arc? 

Cas has died specifically to underpin Dean’s progression (or rather, to show us where that progression needs to take him) (and to give us a gorgeous underlining of how Cas is Dean’s happiness because of Dean’s attitude change when Cas comes back in S13) (hey-oh!) and Cas has died specifically to allow for his own rebirth, to push him into a new stage in his own progression toward self-actualisation, so killing him at the end of his journey would mean… he ends up in the Empty?

But the tying up of the dangling loose end that is Cas’ deal with the Empty needs to be linked directly to Cas giving himself permission to be happy.

I will dig deeper into this, but I doubt we’re getting him permitting himself to be happy in 15x18, because looking at this show’s narrative structure as it’s always been used before: either this moment needs to be linked back to his individual arc and his growing sense of identity, or it needs to be tied to Dean (because no enormous turning point for either character happens without it affecting the other) and neither of these are, to me, entirely viable.

That said, I mostly don’t see Cas ever going back to the Empty based in what I see the Empty as symbolically representative of, which is Cas’ Shadow, his unconscious, and Cas returning to its dwelling is a symbolical statement of defeat. He can’t fight the Empty, he can’t destroy the Empty, not while he is in the place where the Empty has the upper hand completely. Cas ending up in the Empty means his Shadow has won, there will be no integration, no self-actualisation, and Cas’ journey ends on a tragic note indeed. 

Is that a fair reward for someone who has just overcome his fear of happiness? Because when the Empty shows to claim Cas, we’ll know that this is exactly what has happened, and it’s an incredibly important moment for Cas’ progression, signaling self-acceptance and self-love, daring to allow himself to feel that happiness, and, or so I would hope, doing so in clear defiance of the Empty’s lingering threat. 

Because Cas feeling that strong in himself that he actually permits himself the happiness of the moment, knowing full well that it means the Empty will show, and feeling ready to face it head on (I mean, I have a loophole in mind, but I’ll get to that), it would be gigantically symbolic of how he’s crossing that threshold he’s been stood on for so long, no longer letting any of his fears rule him, no longer feeling any doubt or mistrust in himself.

*gah*

Cas actually being claimed right after his happiest moment and ending up in the Empty is not a fair reward, and Cas will not be narratively punished for reaching the climax of his progression. 

So, no, I simply do not believe he’s set to die.

More on the Empty and all that happiness goodness as we go along.

Now, the following thoughts are based in my reading of this narrative, so let’s proceed with caution and I’m handing out salt for you to sprinkle all over this piece of pure speculation. Sprinkle it at will, please!

Let’s begin with my main speculation for the final few episodes of S15, which is:

Cas’ powers are fully restored and he goes back to Heaven.

How would this happen? I would suggest that, as we’re witnessing Jack begin to come into his full power (he’s already levelled up from archangel), growing ever more sure of himself in the process, we may get to witness the full extent and wonder of that power, and what better way to showcase the budding culmination of them, than through Jack mending Cas’ broken wings? 

Of course, this is mere conjecture. There are a multitude of ways that Cas might end up powered up. Even God could play a role. Suggesting Jack is the source of this transformation is merely to create a foundation for the scenario, and it’s also fitting, as Jack has served to bring Cas a great deal of faith in his own capabilities, so Jack would serve well to give Cas the final push toward self-realisation, and Cas may very well need to remember what being whole as an angel feels like, to gain perspective on how to answer the ever-lingering questions of who he is and who he wants to be.

The biggest questions on the table for me, if this were to happen, are: 

Would we get a heartfelt goodbye between Dean and Cas in 15x18 (heavy stuff), where their respective role in the other’s growth comes to a conclusion, and they take the lessons learned and carry on alone, but fulfilled, and grateful for having known each other, leading to a series ending where Cas stays in Heaven? 

Or—>

Would we get to witness that heartfelt goodbye between Dean and Cas, but then, instead of staying in Heaven, would we get Cas, fully powered, gain the perspective he needs of who he truly is and who he wants to be, leading to a series ending where Cas chooses to become human, returning to Earth and all the shenanigans of a hunter life?

And finally —>

Is there a middle ground here?

There’s an old narrative question that comes to mind, posed to Cas in S9 (you know of which I speak), which is an articulation of Castiel’s deepest internal conflict, serving as motor for the character journey he’s pushed onto through meeting, and saving, Dean Winchester.

Two years ago I wrote an essay based around this question, and now, at the very end, I’m going to pose it again, and build the following meta analysis and speculation around what my answers to the above questions are, and why. 

Angel or Man?

One straightforward question.

And yet, Cas’ identity crisis has been with him from the very start of S4, and this question has been at the back of his mind, grating away, causing confusion and erroding his sense of self, because he’s loyal to everyone but himself (perfectly mirroring Dean) and that dual loyalty - Heaven and Dean (humanity) - has always been the baseline for why he can’t answer this straightforward question for himself.

Since S13, when he got himself out of the clutches of the Empty and chose to return to Earth, there’s been, to my mind, a heavy subtextual hinting at Cas having made an actual and very real choice of where he wants to belong - no longer waiting to be told he belongs there, the way he’s shown to be throughout S12 - and this real choice of where he wants to belong comes after we’ve gotten to witness his declaration of love towards Dean and the Winchesters, Cas telling them they’re his family in 12x12, so it fits nicely with his internal progression.

It fits especially nicely when considering the Empty as a symbolic representative of Cas’ Shadow (Carl Jung for the win).

Because Cas standing up to his unconscious fears and telling them to release him makes a double underlining for why Cas, from 13x04 and onward, has been shown to be growing into his sense of belonging, leading to him finding clarity of where to draw the line for himself, without worrying about outside opinion; this moving into a sense of real self-worth reaching a culmination in him standing up for himself to Dean in 15x03.

In fact, Cas standing up for himself was an enormous internal turning point for him, and brought on an enormous internal turning point for Dean, which may hopefully lead to clarity for him as well, and healing, as Cas putting his foot down forced Dean to finally be the one to name the feeling that usually overrides everything else: his anger.

(many secondary characters have tried to bring this awareness as they’ve pointed this out to him) (dark!Kaia especially) (but it took Cas’ righteous anger and distancing for Dean to finally be forced into a position to admit it to himself) (and through it, admit his lack of control over it) (huuuuge step in his movement toward much needed self-insight) (being honest with yourself is the first step!)

*gah*

Now, if Cas has been shown to choose where he wants to belong, for himself: Earth; then throughout S13 and into S14 he was still shown to be heavily reliant on his core trait of loyalty in order to have a pronounced direction, because, to me, his purpose throughout these two seasons leading into S15 still needed to be dictated by where he could apply his sense of duty.

Once he returned from the Empty, it was made perfectly clear that his sense of duty had gone from Heaven, to Humanity. 

Not only is this shown through how Cas states, more than once, that he willed himself back to Earth in order to fulfull his promise to Kelly Kline and protect her son, but it’s also given to us in how he uses his angelic powers for torture, once of his own accord, and then (horrifyingly) under the orders of Dean: Cas no longer serves Heaven, he serves Man. (more specifically Dean)

However horrifying - because he shouldn’t be taking orders at all, and he shouldn’t use his powers as a weapon like that - this shift is necessary to underline Cas’ evolving relationship with Heaven, which had its first nail driven into its coffin with Naomi, when she forced Cas to slaughter all those Deans, and its final nail given to us through Cas killing Duma, Cas showing us that he is now refusing to allow Heaven to exact any authority over him and, intriguingly enough for where we’re at now, rather choosing to deplete the needed Heavenly power source in order to kill a would-be oppressor, rather than see Heaven fall back into its previous totalitarian mode of regime.

Cas learning lessons in humanity and wanting to take them to Heaven to fix his home has been part of his arc since the end of S5, to rather disastrous effect, since he was ill-equipped to properly understand and incorporate lessons only half-learned.

Through him breaking away from Dean and leaving the bunker in 15x03, Cas showed independence in a way he never has before. 

Of course, he’s always been the one to leave at a moment’s notice or disappear without so much as a by-your-leave, but this was a confrontation, tied directly to Dean’s inability to listen and to forgive. 

It’s Cas refusing to be taken for granted, and this shows us how the biggest lesson the narrative has been trying to teach him is finally beginning to take proper hold, because refusing to be taken for granted means that his self-worth is at a point where he’s able to expect more for himself, because he knows he deserves better.

And, or so this meta writer would argue, because he knows Dean is better than how he’s behaving, and Cas is fed up with enabling Dean’s self-righteousness. *headcanon*

So, Cas is now equipped with a lot of the tools needed to bring actual balance to Heaven, to bring strong, good leadership that doesn’t look at human beings as something to scrape off the sole of their shoe. He has a stronger understanding of why humans human, and a sense of compassion that doesn’t cause doubt or confusion, but leaves him secure in his own viewpoint.

That said, we still have him identifying himself as a “thing” in the latter part of S14, which is something that leaves us without the actual answer to the above question, because even towards the end of S14 we have Cas unable to label himself as either or.

In fact, I would say that labeling himself a “thing” alongside Jack - a nephilim who is of Heaven, Earth and Hell - speaks to some amount of identity confusion. 

So then. 

Let’s ponder the final episodes - keeping in mind we’re just having some fun speculating - and consider the possibilities surrounding the final destination of Cas’ character journey, as well as how the possible outcomes affect his relationship with Dean. 

Castiel, Angel of the Lord

Scenario the First —> Cas’ powers are fully restored and…

We get a heartfelt goodbye between Dean and Cas in 15x18 (heavy stuff), where their respective role in the other’s growth comes to a conclusion, and they take the lessons learned and carry on alone, but fulfilled, and grateful for having known each other, leading to a series ending where Cas stays in Heaven.

I mean, it’s emotionally neat, to be honest, because if we leave Destiel to the side and look at the plain text, Dean and Cas’ bond can be tied to their respective individual journeys through how Cas represents Faith to Dean, and Dean represents Humanity to Cas.

They are each other’s most repressed sides manifested, and they are an externalisation of each other’s internal compass, pointing them to the internal work they need to do to be able to reach self-actualisation through acknowledging, accepting and embracing what the other represents to them.

For Dean, it’s learning to have faith in himself, to trust, and in so doing, letting go of his need for control, tied directly to that anger of his.

For Cas, it’s facing and fully accepting the innate humanity he’s always displayed, trusting in it and having no reason to question, doubt or fear it.

So if we get a series ending where Dean is finally having pronounced faith (in himself, not in a higher power) (which is why God as the Big Bad is especially fitting like omfg), and this faith allowing him to tap into his sense of trust (in others rather than himself, but also this extended trust being possible thanks to his newfound trust in himself) and this sense of trust brings about some much needed inner peace, then Cas’ role in Dean’s arc has been fulfilled. 

And if we have Cas bringing his accrued understanding and internalised humanity (trusting that his sense of compassion is a strength, not a weakness) back to Heaven in order to bring about actual balance and finally mending what he himself has played a large part in breaking apart, then that would fit with Cas’ overall arc and the lessons Dean, as a role model, was meant to teach will be implemented. 

Neat.

Except.

Except for the fact that, if Cas goes fully-fledged angel, returns to Heaven and the series ends on him staying there, these three narratively unsatisfactory points hold true:

He will still, when dead, be bound for the Empty

He will be giving up his family

He will, end of the day, be embracing duty over freedom

Yeah, we need to talk about these three unsatisfactory points, fam.

1. The Empty

Ah, yes, here we go. 

The lay of the land is that Cas made a deal with the Empty to save Jack. I wrote a long meta on this so I won’t go into too much detail, save to say that it’s a deal that left Cas promised to the Empty, with the twist that the Empty won’t claim Cas before he gives himself permission to be happy.

Yeah. Ouch much?

I’ve already argued my point for why I doubt Cas will die, but what would happen in a scenario where Cas returns to Heaven fully-fledged, meant to remain there for the rest of his… existence?

I would suppose there would needs be a reckoning between the Empty and Cas before Cas commits to this return, because since they planted the Empty lording its deal with Cas over Cas’ head as recently as 15x13, I have a hard time seeing the writers solving this plot point with anything less than us seeing Cas relaxing into a moment of happiness-permission.

That said, let’s say they do. Let’s say there’s a flick-of-the-wrist solution. I don’t think there will be, but for the sake of argument. And by flick-of-the-wrist I mean we get the Empty showing up in a moment where Cas is truly happy, but the Empty’s appearance doesn’t hold sway thanks to some external force: Jack or Death herself, rather than an internal triumph linked entirely to his individual arc, or in any way linked back to Dean. 

(and though some may argue against the love story being canonically viable) (though I’d argue that it is) (the fact that Dean and Cas share a profound bond and a different dynamic to Sam and Cas, and even Dean and Sam, is canonically established) (through both grief!arcs for Dean) (and through Cas choosing to leave in S15 having everything to do with Dean and absolutely nothing to do with Sam)

Solving the deal with the Empty is fairly easily done, even though the flick-of-the-wrist solution won’t be as satisfactory for most of us who know Cas and root for him, and even if the flick-of-the-wrist moment could conceivably come with someone powerful enough (like Jack or even Death, who, though she won’t do hands on interference, seems to have made a promise to the Empty that it will get to go back to sleep once all is said and done) (but, as we know, Billie speaks in riddles), despite the viable characters possibly powerful enough to destroy the Empty, actually destroying it immediately feels, to me, like too big of a cop out and I doubt the writers would even consider it. 

Again, this is very much based in my reading of the Empty as Cas’ Shadow, and Cas’ Shadow shouldn’t be destroyed. 

For it all to symbolically line up, the Empty should be symbolically integrated. 

(the way Michael - Dean’s Shadow representative - wasn’t destroyed, but instead had his essence swallowed down by Jack, becoming a part of him instead, and all that symbolic toxic masculinity poison inside Jack leading to all sorts of narrative repercussions, needing to be levelled out by Jack growing enough to retrieve his soul and return his own internal equilibrium) (which, in turn, is highly symbolic on so many levels) (but enough digression)

Based on this, once the battles are won and God has been defeated, the Empty would remain. So even though the deal is dealt with through whatever means it’s dealt with: that dark, vast, nothing would be the place where angels who die go to suffer a restless, horrific sleep.

For eternity. 

And that’s my first argument for why I personally do not want Cas to remain an angel past the conclusion of the show: the Empty looms as victor and will eventually get to claim Cas, even if Cas gets out of the deal he’s made.

I mean, how likely is it that Cas doesn’t face death at some point, really? He’s pretty prone to dying, especially dying for what he believes to be right. 

Digression into The Middle Ground as it should be tied in here:

The Middle Ground

Scenario the Third —> 

Is there a middle ground here?

Now, here’s a bit of a rub, because way I see it, exploring if there’s a possibility of Cas ending up neither fully-fledged nor human needs to be based in the assumption that Cas isn’t getting his powers back at all.

Which means that, in this middle ground scenario, whatever exchange that occurs between Dean and Cas in 15x18 has nothing to do with them. 

For example, the heavy scene that Jensen and Misha were talking about Dean and Cas suffering through could have to do with Jack, though if something terrible is going to happen to Jack or if Jack is going to sacrifice himself for the greater good, I have a hard time seeing Sam not being present.

However, for arguments sake…

In this scenario, where Cas doesn’t power up, we should thirdly assume that we’re left with there being no reason for Cas to choose a human life either. 

He simply remains in the same shape and form in which he currently is. 

The same shape and form that he’s held since S9, when he suited back up after the human!Cas arc and readied himself for war, necessarily and formidably and to his emotional detriment for many years as it brought on his darkest arc (Lucifer possession). 

This choice was a narrative necessity, because human!Cas was already growing into his own skin by 9x09, and it’s made perfectly clear why Cas had to go through it all, because he had to face his fear of being useless without his powers, and unaccepted as an equal and nothing more than expendable with them.

So, would the middle ground scenario - keeping him as is, with all the character progression intact and him, clearly, set to grow and evolve beyond the series’ ending - be narratively satisfactory?

And by narratively satisfactory I mean that this scenario:

ties up loose ends

justifies the obstacles Cas has had to overcome in order to get to where he is in his progression

leaves us with a good understanding of what the future holds for him, judging from where he’s at in his arc at the conclusion of the narrative

I’ll get back to this, but for now I’ll reiterate how Cas remaining an angel in any shape or form, be it the one he’s had for many a season, or a new and powered up version, still means, as per our narrative, that he’s going to have to spend eternity in the Empty.

So, no. 

To me - not satisfactory.

Now for the second point up for discussion, should the series end with Cas becoming fully-fledged and returning to Heaven to stay there —>

(while bearing in mind that this is all conjecture and based in my reading of this narrative) (don’t forget them pinches of salt, my loves)

2. Giving Up His Family

Would he have to give up his family, though? If he goes fully-fledged and returns to Heaven to lead in any capacity, doesn’t that just mean that he’ll hear Dean’s prayers and return as often as he can? Which, if their previous track record is anything to go by, would be often. It’s not like this is an ending, right?

Well. 

I think it has to be for the narrative to actually have a conclusion. 

They could half-ass it and leave the ending open to interpretation, sure; but the question as it stands to be answered is for Castiel to choose between being an angel and being a man, and narratively the half-assed answer is how he’s been living for the majority of his journey.

He has, since S9, been sincerely stuck between these two modes of existing, one foot in Heaven and the other out of it, and for a lot of his progression, this half-assed state of existence has meant horribly broken wings and thinking himself only useful as a weapon.

The narrative itself has pushed for Cas’ internal conflict to be centered on how to honestly answer the question of what his true identity is, and the only way for him to answer it honestly is to gain perspective enough so that he’s able to take a long hard look at who he wants to be.

Due to this, Cas’ internal conflict, since S4, has been circling Cas’ avoidance of being honest with himself. (perfectly mirroring Dean)

So for the narrative to end on the answer being angel, only for Cas to continue to be allowed to half-ass it (because it would be too sad to watch him make a choice that means giving up his family) leaves his journey, and all those hard-learned lessons, coming across as rather pointless. 

He was stuck half-assing it for all these years because he hadn’t found the needed perspective to answer the question honestly, so if his honest answer is angel and this honest answer is meant to bring self-actualisation and a step toward real internal balance (or internal completion, if you will) then leaving him in a half-assing it state as the narrative concludes is unsatisfactory.

Let’s look again at the ways to narratively satisfactorily end Cas’ journey:

tying up loose ends

justifying the obstacles Cas has had to overcome in order to get to where he is in his progression

leaving us with a good understanding of what the future holds for him, judging from where he’s at in his arc at the conclusion of the narrative

The answer is yes to all of these points if Cas becomes a fully-fledged angel and STAYS in Heaven, with no detours to Earth, because angels aren’t meant to walk the Earth, and it was them walking the Earth after staying away for two thousand years that really started this whole roller coaster ride of destruction and mayhem, right? Right.

Castiel making peace with his past and accepting the fact that he was never meant to live an earthbound existence, taking all the good things humanity has taught him, and fully embracing his own innate humanity in order to take away the fear and indoctrination of Heaven, would make for a satisfactory ending to his individual arc.

At least the superficial reading of it.

And I’m not about the superficial reading of it. 

And of course I don’t want this for Cas. But looking at it from a purely narrative viewpoint, I can see how this could work.

It just means that Cas would have to recognise his ties to Dean for what they are (in this scenario): a teachable moment. And Cas has learned his lessons. And he’ll always be grateful, but it’s time for him to let go.

Yeah, like I said, I don’t want this for Cas or for Cas and Dean, but I can see it as viable. More viable than Cas half-assing it as a fully-fledged angel, because that leaves a much bigger narrative exclamation point for me in that it basically invalidates the necessity for his broken wings and rebellion as part of his character growth.

If he’s going to land back exactly where he started, then he should’ve been able to get there fully-fledged. But, of course, he couldn’t get there fully-fledged because the writers couldn’t work him into the narrative if he was powered up.

He was always too powerful an ally to the very breakable brothers, and if he’d been fully-fledged throughout, it would’ve messed up our sense of the stakes.

But now, should he be allowed to half-ass it as fully-fledged once the narrative has ended, his brokeness, which has always been so essential to his progression, will come across much less as an integral part of that, and all the more like nothing but a narrative necessity, rather than a way to structure and explore Cas’ needs as a character for internal growth that have always, so beautifully, mirrored Dean’s needs.

Of course, if Cas were to choose to go back (forever), then there’s the highly satisfactory tie-back potential of a goodbye between Cas and Dean linking right back to the end of S8, giving us the gravitas of the “ET goes home” moment in full regalia.

It would be heartbreaking af, but for it to hold that gravitas, ET really has to get on that spaceship and go off home forever this time. You know?

In my book, it would be the tragedy to end all tragedies. *please no*

3. Duty over Freedom

This is a big one for me.

It’s a big one because the overarching and driving themes of our narrative have always had to do with —>

identity (and self-worth)

family (and loyalty)

freedom of choice (and duty)

And the constant push and pull of these three thematic threads decrees the ups and downs of Cas’ progression, as well as Dean’s, because of the way that their deeply rooted view on duty is directed at everything and everyone but themselves, and this view on duty is informed by their sense of loyalty, and that sense of loyalty is all askew due to their lack of self-worth.

Sam has this same duty-triggered sense of loyalty as well, though in a slightly different guise, because though Dean and Cas have both been messed up by their respective fathers’ indoctrination into soldierdome (the root of the root of their view on duty) Sam’s sense of duty is to his father figure, which is Dean. 

Sam may have rejected feeling any sense of duty towards John, but the codependency has ensured that Sam is still stuck in the same pattern, has learned it, one might say, through looking up to Dean and, to my mind, knowing the sacrifices Dean has always made, putting Sam first, no matter what, and the codependency has held due to Sam’s diminished self-worth after every choice he made during his time with Ruby. 

Defeating the devil and saving the world, in spite of those choices, wasn’t enough to heal the trauma he inflicted on his own self-perception, and his trust began to seep out of him with every new situation lobbied at him where control was taken away from him. So he handed that control over to Dean. And let him lead. Because it was just easier. 

(I love this show so much) (the threading is so breathtaking)

Now, back to Cas —>

The narrative has worked to teach Cas a lesson.

The lesson of choice.

But making choices without having the self-worth to trust your innate instincts, as well as having an understanding of your own morals and boundaries, is a recipe for disaster.

As the narrative has shown us, time and again.

Each horrific choice Cas has made has been pushing for him to gain enough self-insight that he’ll learn from his mistakes, and grow.

And he has.

There is the darker side of duty, the one where one does what one has to, where one makes the bad deal, where fear is allowed to govern one’s sense of direction, and old patterns are easier to remain in than forging new ones.

This is the sense of duty all of our main characters seem set to break away from.

But, of course, their core traits are also informed by their deeply felt need to protect innocent life, to step in where they know they’re the only ones who can actually make a difference, to take responsibility for ensuring the safety of people who are in harms way.

Yah, this sense of duty (the one that makes them into actual heroes) is informed by the good side to loyalty.

What they need to break away from is following old patterns blindly, without asking themselves what they actually want, and without much planning or hope for the future. 

So if the scenario we get is the one that gives us Castiel, Angel of the Lord, where he goes back to Heaven at the end of the series, with all the bells and whistles that comes along with that, allowing Cas to actually bring about some sense of peace and order and fix his home, then we still get the unsatisfactory ingredient of Cas reverting back to old patterns, because we have this stated:

You listen to me. Look, thank you. Thank you. Knowing you… It’s been the best part of my life, and the things we’ve shared together - they have changed me. You’re my family. I love you. I love all of you.

We have it narratively stated through dialogue that Cas:

considers his time on Earth the best part of his “life” (a very human thing for an angel to say btw)

that what he’s shared with the Winchesters has changed him (and we’ve seen that manifested in all of the choices he’s made throughout S13-15 where he stopped serving Heaven, began serving Man only to, by beginning of S15, start to serve himself, listening to his own wants and needs and setting clear boundaries for how he expects to be treated)

that he considers the Winchesters - and, of course, this now includes Jack - as his family

and he loves them

He loves them. One might say that his heart is, symbolically, earthbound.

Back to the bulletpoint overview of how to narratively satisfactorily end Cas’ journey and, keeping in mind the three points discussed above of what remaining an angel at the end of his journey would actually mean for Cas as a character, we ask ourselves:

Does him remaining an angel satisfactorily tie up loose ends?

Does him remaining an angel justify the obstacles he’s had to overcome in order to get to where he is in his progression?

Does him remaining an angel leave us with a good understanding of what the future holds for him, judging from where he’s at in his arc at the conclusion of the narrative?

For me, it’s a pretty big and hella bold-lettered no to the first two, and a meh to the third one, because yes, we’ll get a good idea of what a Heavenbound Cas might do with his existence, but it’s not a satisfactory yes, because of all the already mentioned reasons. 

He’ll have answered the identity question by choosing Angel as his reply, but that reply nullifies so much of the emotional growth he’s done over the years, and goes against the multitude of narrative statements given to us of where he feels he belongs.

So, nothing else to do but to discuss the second possible scenario on our checklist, right?

Yaaaaassss indeed. Not going to lie. I’m partial to this one. Pardon me if my love for the human!Cas arc shines through. (it glitters and sparkles)

So Very, Very Human

Scenario the Second —> Cas’ powers are fully restored and…

We get to witness that heartfelt goodbye between Dean and Cas, but then, instead of staying in Heaven, we get Cas, fully powered, gaining the perspective he needs of who he truly is and who he wants to be, leading to a series ending where Cas chooses to become human, returning to Earth and all the shenanigans of a hunter life.

My main reason for standing so firmly behind the idea of Castiel cutting out his grace and choosing a human life is anchored in the three thematic tentpoles of this narrative’s push for character progression.

As already mentioned, they are:

identity (and self-worth)

family (and loyalty)

freedom of choice (and duty)

The in-between state Cas has been hovering in since Dean’s death at the end of S9, an in-between state that won’t be satisfactorily concluded (as per my above argumentation against it) through him becoming a fully-fledged powered up angel of the lord warrior of Heaven again, would be satisfactorily concluded should he choose, for himself, that where he wants to be, where he belongs, is with his family.

He belongs on Earth.

And the foremost reason for why he belongs on Earth isn’t actually based in the fact that it’s where those he loves are, it runs deeper than that, because in order for Cas to feel whole, in order for him to feel, as the narrative has put it more than once in the last few seasons, complete, he needs to accept what his true form is, he needs to open up to what the narrative has tried to teach him and show him, for all these years, that it is, and that true form is human.

Do we need him to feel whole? There are plenty of broken people in this world, right? Why can’t Cas be representative of someone who has found his place, regardless of whether he’s all fixed up? Perhaps he keeps his broken wings and still changes his attitude from feeling like he’s a “thing” to thinking of himself as simply himself?

Perhaps he already is doing exactly that?

This line of questioning brings us back to —>

The Middle Ground

Let’s reiterate Scenario the Third: based in the assumption that Cas isn’t getting his powers back at all, and we’re left with there being no reason for Cas to choose a human life either. He simply remains in the same shape and form that he’s more or less held since S9.

Now, I’ll ask it again: would the middle ground scenario - keeping him as is, with all the character progression intact and him, clearly, set up to grow and evolve beyond the series’ ending - be narratively satisfactory?

Does it tie up loose ends?

Does it justify the obstacles Cas has had to overcome in order to get to where he is in his progression?

Does it leave us with a good understanding of what the future holds for him, judging from where he’s at in his arc at the conclusion of the narrative?

Well, let’s see.

Does Cas remaining as he has been - broken wings and all - tie up loose ends?

Loose ends for Cas would be the fact that Heaven is falling apart; the deal with the Empty; answering that overarching question of Angel or Man? (no longer considering himself an in between thing); claiming the place where he belongs (a Cas is Back in Town moment); displaying a healthy sense of duty (shield rather than weapon) and narratively being rewarded for Big Lessons Learned.

Loose End: Heaven is Falling Apart —>

As mentioned, Cas has tried to fix his home since end of S5, where he declared that was he was going to do to a grief stricken Dean, and left (oh Cas)

Cas’ first attempt was to bring what he’d learned about free will to Heaven, trying to teach it to the angels, discovering, to his great despair, that it’s like trying to teach poetry to fish, but, again, I would argue that Cas wasn’t fully equipped to act the teacher, and because he forced himself into the role, seeing no other way to beat Raphael than to push for the type of rebellion he learned how to stage through his time with Dean, it ended with Cas’ confused sense of identity manifesting in him morphing into the figure he’d hoped could save them all: God.

Rather than believing he was enough, he could see no other choice but to become something else entirely, something that went against everything he truly believes to his core to be right, turning him into something violent and discompassionate, pushing him to finally admit the error in his choice, only to have it be too late, and that choice ending up setting the Leviathan loose on the world while he died in that lake, paying the ultimate price for his mistakes.

This part of Cas’ backstory, the deep failure, the shame, the guilt that came with it, has been underpinning Cas’ lack of self-worth and, more importantly, his lack of self-trust ever since he came back in 7x17. 

This is why Heaven now sitting on the brink of collapse is tied so specifically to his character journey and why it’s an important loose end that is in need of tying up, not only plot wise, but as part of a narrative statement clarifying Cas’ progression.

How so?

Because there should be good reason - whether Cas stays on Earth as is, or whether he makes the choice to become human - for him to feel at peace with that choice, and especially if Cas is to stay as is - broken wings and all - there’s even more reason for us to understand that he’s no longer in-between Heaven and Earth: he’s able to let Heaven go.

So if Heaven is no longer crying out for him to, out of sheer narrative necessity, stay dutifully tied to that sense of guilt and shame that his previous failures have placed in him, keeping him feeling ever so responsible for his birthplace, making it rather impossible for him to actually weigh what he truly wants for himself, then once Heaven is balanced out, what we might get to witness is Cas able to definitively let Heaven go. Cas making one final choice of remaining on Earth, and making it for himself.

Saving Heaven from this threat of continued errosion is most easily accomplished through two narrative tools that are already established in the narrative:

Jack using his powers to help restore this balance 

or an archangel returning to Heaven and restoring a semblence of it’s former glory (Michael might change his mind...for example)

Both these things can happen without Cas being fully-fledged, nor does he need to be human, he can stay just as he’s been and Heaven can still find balance. 

One could even see how Heaven actually being balanced out at the end of the series and Cas being allowed to breathe again could be structured into serving as his narrative reward for Big Lessons Learned. Because there should be a reward at the end of Cas’ journey. He’s literally been to Hell and back. 

The thing is that for that reward to be apparent to us, we need to see the moment where he truly earns it, a moment that establishes that he’s not only aware of what the narrative has been pushing for him to learn, but the Big Lessons are internalised and his journey has worked to evolve him.

The simplest way of showing these Big Lessons Learned to the audience and clarifying this moment of Cas earning his reward, is by giving us a sense of Cas choosing. 

Why? 

Because the narrative, as already offered, is based in the theme of Freedom of Choice, and ideally Cas’ choice would tie directly in with the other two overarching themes of identity and family.

Which lands us in this question: What exactly would Cas be shown to choose should he remain as is? 

Because, to my mind, Cas remaining as he is makes it pretty difficult to show him making any sort of choice, since he is literally just staying as he has been, especially as he has been since he made that choice back in 13x04 of returning from the Empty to Earth, being sent back in his old vessel. 

See, he’s already chosen where he wants to belong, and S15, if anything, has underlined this choice having been made, through Cas’ confrontation with Dean, Cas leaving the bunker because of Dean, and then returning, before Dean apologised, because Dean being a dickhead no longer interferes with Cas’ sense of self: he knows where he belongs.

(and without him returning nothing will change) *slow eye-brow raise*

And it may not have been an overt Cas is Back in Town moment, but it came damn close.

So, then, what choice does he need to make?

For me, the choice isn’t where to belong, because the answer has been given to us through his actions since S13, but especially throughout S15, but rather the choice still ahead of him is how to belong. 

And lest we forget, should Cas choose to belong on Earth as an angel, he will still, by all accounts, be headed for the Empty once all is said and done, Because at the end of it all, the Empty will (most likely) get to go back to sleep. I cannot see it going bye-bye. 

So the fact remains that, even if there’s some way out of Cas’ current Empty deal, there’s nowhere else for Cas to go when he dies.

And after everything he’s been through (and as per the romantic in me) shouldn’t he get to go to Heaven, and shouldn’t it be a shared Heaven, one where his soulmate resides? I would argue with my last breath that the answer is yes.

But, my loves, there’s only one way for him to get there. 

Oh, let me add that I don’t believe Cas still has his soul, because then he wouldn’t have gone so completely to the Empty after his angel death. Honestly, I like it better that way, because the humanity of humans is often professed to reside with their soul, but Cas is a statement of how one’s humanity is actually tied to one’s choices, giving us an excellent example of how it doesn’t matter what you are, it matters what you do. 

Jack’s choices, for example, may have become heavily influenced by him losing his soul and his ability to feel fully, but most of his mistakes were brought on because of the lack of guidance he suffered. WWWD was not a very good piece of advice, and had Dean been the one to take on the responsibility (which he couldn’t, because of his suspicion rooted in all his own fears, but if he had) then the outcome would’ve most likely been a different one. 

I’ll leave the How Cas Can Get Into Heaven topic for now, and focus us back on the loose ends, because the one that sticks out the most - at least to me - is how, if Cas were to remain as he is, neither getting his wings back nor choosing to become human, we will not get an actual answer to the narratively posed question of Angel or Man?

Loose End: The Question of His True Identity

Cas remaining as is, isn’t a final choice. 

It may be an acceptance of how he has to remain broken and somewhat stuck in-between if he’s to live on Earth and be with his human family, but it’s not a choice, not really, not this late in the game. 

For me, this isn’t a deal breaker (in fact, no scenario really is because I in no way expect all of this to be hitting the spot to a T anyway) but it would be highly unsatisfactory.

Why is it so important to get a definitive answer to the Angel or Man question? After all, it was posed six seasons ago and perhaps the narrative has actually moved on from it?

Yes, this is absolutely a good point and a possibility at that, and, again, I am in no way deluded enough to think that all of this speculation will hit on what we’ll actually get with even the slightest precision, but for my own sake (which is really why I’m outlining all these thoughts yeah?) I want to push for why I still feel, to my core, that leaving Cas with broken wings, even if he finds self-worth and self-actualisation in that half-state, there is something deeply unsatisfactory in the loose end of not actually answering the question of which side to him - the angelic or the human - that actually brings him the most happiness.

(I almost wrote “which side to him actually sparks joy”) (but no) (I mean kinda yes he should Marie Kondo his insides) (we all should do that once in a while) (them mean thoughts and them self-destructive impulses?) (yeah they can go) (anyway…)

Not giving us a definitive answer to the question of identity is especially dissatisfying as the narrative, for over ten years of character journey, has shown us how miserable it makes Cas to not be earthbound. In fact, the one time he made the choice to go back to Heaven and close the gates behind him forever in order to save humanity, the narrative said nope, don’t think so - and brought him right back to humanity. By making him human.

I will concede to this being my interpretation of Cas’ journey, because nowhere in canon is this stated, but way I see it, Cas has been transitioning from angel to human since the second he touched Dean in Hell.

And it’s not a desire placed there by Dean, it’s something Cas has carried within himself, a curiosity, and a seedling of doubt, ever since he came off the assembly line with a crack in his chassis. 

Gripping Dean tight and raising him from perdition merely served to give Cas’ already existing curiosity, and doubt, something to actually focus on. Something to focus on so hard that all the brainwashing done by Heaven couldn’t keep it at bay anymore, because it’s part of who Cas truly is to question authority, to seek free will, to not be used as a weapon, but to step in and act the shield of his own volition.

Which brings us back to the second scenario, which I’m now going to expand on —>

So Very, Very Human (again)

Remember those three tentpoles of this narrative’s push for character progression? 

identity (and self-worth)

family (and loyalty)

freedom of choice (and sense of duty)

And what were all those loose ends in need of being tied up?

Heaven is falling apart

The deal with the Empty

Answering that overarching question of Angel or Man? (no longer considering himself an in between thing)

Claiming the place where he belongs (a Cas is Back in Town moment)

Displaying a healthy sense of duty (shield rather than weapon) 

Narratively being rewarded for Big Lessons Learned

I am not saying Cas has to become human in order for his journey to conclude 100% satisfactorily, thus spake the lords of storytelling; I am open to (no I mean it sincerely) whatever is headed our way, whatever the writers choose as an ending that is satisfactory to them, I will accept it, whatever guise it takes, yeah? 

This is simply my personal preference for what would be the most satisfactory to me, and I’m making that statement now, because I’m about to go headfirst into outlining exactly why. Thanks for sticking with me this far. You’re awesome. *heart eyes*

Okay. 

Human!Cas. 

Before we look ahead, I’d like us to look back, all the way back to S9 and the human!Cas arc, because I’d like to explain, briefly, why I put down the need for a Cas is Back in Town moment amidst those loose ends.

You see, when Cas first experienced mortality, we all know it started rough. It started with him feeling lost and being all alone and getting himself killed and then it continued with him believing he’d finally come home to roost in the bunker, only to be inexplicably thrown out, by Dean, and then Cas went on to find himself a human persona (Steve) and learning to mimick other humans and doing simply what he figured was expected of him, and then Dean came into town and because Dean encouraged Cas to get in on the case, Cas was brought into a situation where he had no choice but to face the fear of getting himself killed again, only this time he’d probably stay dead - a fear that had been festering like a terrible festering festerer - and once he’d done that, he was able to finally admit to himself that “Steve” wasn’t anything but an armour and he dropped that armour and then we got the Cas is back in town moment of 9x09 fame.

So.

It would be awesome for him to have another Cas is Back in Town moment. 

Why, exactly?

Because that’s the moment in the human!Cas arc when we are shown, unequivocally, that Cas’ sense of identity is flourishing. He is choosing to insert himself into the investigation, even though the last time we saw Cas, it was when he was told by Dean Touchstone for all Things Human Winchester to go and live his life, basically having it explained to him, by his foremost role model for what humanity is, that life, and specifically this newfound life of Cas’, should be lived away from dangerous things. 

Cas being back in town, and happy and proud to be so, is all about Cas embracing his innate need to protect, even if that means risking his own life, and choosing a hunter life for himself, finding his way back to the people he loves by being entirely honest with himself about who he is and who he wants to be, not allowing fear to rule him. 

He follows his heart, you might say. (go on, you know you wanna say it)

And yes, out of narrative necessity - because Cas can’t see how he can help save/heal Sam or stave off the brewing war as a human - Cas then chooses to swallow stolen grace and get his powers back, which, btw, brings about the most heartbreaking phone exchange between Dean and Cas ever. Ow. My damn heart.

So then, that’s the human!Cas arc in brief, and the core reason for why I feel so very strongly that Cas - who screwed himself by swallowing that grace, unable to see how he could possibly be useful in the fight as a human, even though he displays a stronger sense of self as a human than he ever has as an angel - would be happiest, at the end of his journey, if he were to end it on making the choice to become human, to live a mortal life, with his family, on Earth.

And, yes, then, rather than spending eternity in the dread Empty, getting to go to Heaven with the man he goddamn well loves, innit?

Ah, but there’s more. Oh, yes.

1. Identity

In ways that remaining an angel narratively simply cannot provide, Cas choosing to become human would cement the end of his transitioning period and would be the final marker for those Big Lessons Learned.

The Big Lessons presented to him throughout the narrative, meant to bring him to a point of growth in his progression where he can finally and honestly and without hesitation answer the questions Who am I? and Who do I want to be? ie. What do I want? 

And, yes, if the answer to these questions were: Human. and To live a long and happy life. then this would also answer the question of what Cas’ true identity is, ie. it would provide the conclusive reply to the Angel or Man? query.

And yes, of course, so would the reply Angel, but as I’ve attempted to demonstrate through my above argumentation, replying Angel still comes with dangling loose ends.

I would also argue that Cas’ happiest moment could be, and even should be, tied to his moment of self-actualisation, his moment of finally being honest with himself, not only honest about where he truly belongs, but how he wants to belong there.

He’s been missing that PB&J, but he has never believed that he would be of any use in the fight if he doesn’t have his powers. He’s been unable to actually see himself as part of the Winchester clan if he doesn’t have something to bring to the table, because the last time he tried, he was left with what he saw as no other choice but to admit defeat and swallow that stolen grace, so that he could power back up and feel ready, feel less vulnerable, find those old, worn patterns and take comfort from them. 

To have Cas restored to full strength - because I do believe it would be a beautiful moment, not just for Cas, but for Jack as well, and if Dean is there, then it would be an all around gorgeous moment of healing - to then have Cas, with all his powers, finally admit that he doesn’t want them, because he doesn’t need them anymore, they’re not as much a part of him as they’re a helpful side effect to being an angel, and he doesn’t belong in Heaven, he doesn’t want to be in Heaven, and he may not know exactly what a human life will entail - he has an inkling, since his stint as a human, but there’s still so much he’s never experienced - he just knows he wants it.

And this would all be brain-crackling, full of satisfaction and tying up of many loose ends, as well as underlining the actual necessity for Cas’ journey through all of the Big Lessons Learned. *feels*

There could be stakes added here, tying back to S8 and the closing of the gates. To bring about balance, perhaps the gates of Heaven and Hell need to close for good? Ie. there’ll be no more angels and demons walking the Earth. So the choice for Cas wouldn’t be an in between one, it would be an either or. Stay in Heaven forever and remain an angel, or go back to Earth, but go back as a human. 

It fits the narrative if anything like this were to happen - Cas being confronted with an ultimatum that forces clarity - because Cas isn’t contemplating cutting out his grace. Not yet. He’s safe within the status quo and sees no reason to question it, not even with the Empty popping up to remind him of their deal.

Aw, yes, let’s explore how the Empty so neatly ties in with Cas’ fear of happiness. (perfectly mirroring Dean) 

Now, remember, I’m looking at this with the Empty as representative of Cas’ Shadow, which, in Carl Jung terms means the Empty is a manifestation of Cas’ unconscious. 

The Shadow, made up of repressed thoughts, desires and feelings, doesn’t trust that anything will ever be okay or that anything good will last - it’s up to oneself to consciously strive to dare to believe in such things, and conquer one’s unconscious fears, because if our fears are allowed to influence and rule us, then real happiness will be difficult to accept as lasting, and the emotional roller coaster will feel safer than actually standing still in a balanced frame of mind.

The Shadow is in charge of that roller coaster. It’s not really as menacing as it’s made out to be through the Empty, but it is still a side to oneself that one has to face, accept and integrate in order to find that balanced from of mind.

Looking at it from this point of view - and I do - the Shadow telling Cas to keep fearing that moment of happiness — because it won’t last, it will mean he’s bound for the Empty, and a horrifying eternal non-sleep, with no peace in sight — is a manipulative tactic to keep Cas from striving toward self-actualisation and integration.

Because if he does reach self-actualisation, if he balances himself out and gets a moment of perfect internal clarity, where there’s no need for fear, where he’s been able to be honest with himself and honestly LOVE himself in the process, then that moment of self-actualisation will allow him to see his Shadow clearly, and integrate it through acceptance of his own flaws - that shame and guilt and all of that fear of failure will begin to be healed, and his Shadow will have no more emotional buttons to push in order to keep Cas cowed, mistrusting of himself, and defeated.

His conscious self (ego) will no longer be ruled by his unconscious (shadow).

So how does Cas actually beat the deal?

I mean, from that above reading, I would say that a very effective way for him to break the deal is to stop fearing that moment of happiness, and by no longer allowing his fear to rule him, being able to reach his moment of self-actualisation, and the moment of integration.

Cas choosing to become human would be a moment of honesty, of self-insight, of acceptance. It would be a moment of deep, deep self-actualisation. A moment of real internal peace, followed, I would say, by a moment of true happiness.

So let me paint you a detailed spec scenario, because it demonstrates why I am so behind this idea, not that I think this is The Scenario, but because it simply makes sense and ticks all the boxes for satisfaction that are at the back of my head.

Fully-fledged Cas is in Heaven (which is balanced out thanks to Jack/Michael/Death or whatever constellation is created to Fix It) and Cas is now faced with the option to stay an angel, or to go back to Earth a human. 

He makes the choice - meaning his moment of true happiness. *identity based*

The Empty appears. 

But the thing is, Cas now knows what he’s found for himself by making this choice - a loophole.

He cuts out his grace doubly triumphant: he gets to go home, and the Empty has no hold over him anymore.

He is not for the Empty - he is human, and when he dies, he will go to Heaven.

It’s not about taking anything away from him or saying that he’s not fine just as he is, it’s building on the narrative push for him to accept himself, just as he’s always been, and stop fighting it, stop questioning it, stop worrying that he won’t be enough without his powers, that he won’t be able to contribute, that he won’t be looked at the same, because, in the end, when it comes to self-actualisation, all that matters is what you think and what you know to be your truth.

Self-actualisation is about your acceptance of yourself, it’s about your ability to love yourself through that acceptance, and it, in turn, opening you up to receiving love, knowing, to your core, that you are lovable and deserve to be loved.

With this scenario comes a Big Lessons Learned moment that sets Cas up for a reward. 

And what should it be?

2. Family

As already mentioned, we know who Cas considers to be his family: Dean, Sam and Jack.

If Jack doesn’t end up sacrificing himself for the greater good (which I feel is more plausible a death than any other), then his human side would, most likely, keep him on Earth. 

And then there’s Sam. Dear Sam. Who’s a friend in need and a friend, indeed.

Lastly, there’s Dean. And the depth of what Dean means for Cas, and what Dean narratively has meant for Cas’ progression, is pretty much impossible to overlook. 

I know I already brought this up, but I think it’s important to note, because whether we get a textual  pronounciation and conclusion to the subtextual love story between Dean and Cas, or whether it’s kept in subtext and merely strongly hinted at, the fact of the matter is that they matter to one another, more so than anyone else have ever mattered to them and this would, of course, provide the tragedy of a goodbye, should a goodbye be required, and the ending be tragic, but it also pushes on the very real fact of how a reward, in any guise, would most easily be tied to what they’ve narratively (and very canonically) have meant for one another.

Yes, when I say they matter more to each other than anyone else, this means even Sam for Dean, because Sam isn’t the character in the narrative put there to help push for Dean’s progression - Cas is. 

To put it plainly: the codependency is the placeholder, highlighting the progression that’s needed to reach self-actualisation. The trust and healthy challenges Dean shares with Cas is the opposite, underlining the fears he needs to face, and where he should get to emotionally, once he has reached self-actualisation. 

Cas’ relationship with Dean - and how Dean was a role model in all things human, at least up until the moment Cas stated there was nothing left to say and stepped out of that bunker, because he’d learned what he could and he had no interest in learning how to be so unforgiving, which was a Big Lesson, since it takes the label of teacher off Dean and allows him to be entirely something else - could easily serve as a satisfactory conclusion and statement of Cas having incorporated all the lessons of the narrative, especially since so many of them tie directly back to Dean.

Cas embracing his own humanity, for himself, without worrying about what that humanity might mean for anyone else, and believing himself deserving of love due to letting go of all those old fears, thanks to him reaching a point of self-actualisation, would mean that he would stop waiting for Dean to make a move, and might very well make that move himself. 

Personally I’m doubtful it will be textual, but what stronger statement could the writers make of who ends up with whom than to end the series on Sam with Eileen, and Cas returning from Heaven, human, and giving us something very akin to that Cas is Back in Town moment (even if it’s only in spirit)? 

It would serve to let us know that, of course, Cas isn’t fearful of his mortality this time around. He’s empowered by it. And him returning to the bunker, to his family, to the life, to Dean, signals to us how he’s very ready to get back to it all, including going out hunting (with Dean).

Simple. Neat. Non-explicit, and yet undeniable. 

Aka closure.

The good kind. You know? The one that leaves you exhilarated and dancing around your room laughing with joy at how amazing all the subsequent fanfiction will most likely be, exploring all of their post-series finale shen-an-i-gans?? Yeah, that good kind. 

*head exploding*

Most of all, for the people out there who, like me, are thirsty for satisfaction, they will remain Team Free Will (hopefully 2.0), they will remain a family, they will remain. 

There may be new dynamics to work with, but they will still be them and they will remain as close as they ever were, with the promise of them all growing even closer, following each other’s continued progression as they all move into a new phase in their lives. But together.

3. Freedom of Choice

Cas choosing to become human would effectively demonstrate to us how he’s leaving behind the yoke of his previous sense of duty. 

Instead of praying for guidance, or relying on external forces to dictate what his actions should be, he’ll still be doing what has to be done, but he’ll be doing it purely reliant on his own personal view of the world and his place in it.

This would be a rather remarkable way to address how so many of his choices have been made under duress, either because he’s been manipulated into them without having the wherewithal to see through the manipulation (Crowley, Metatron, Lucifer) or because he’s simply felt lost, mistrusting his inner compass and unable to follow any gut instinct that would’ve otherwise been able to guide him.

In making the choice to become human, Cas would cast off his past, shake it off, as it were, and move into his future, free to take it as it comes in a way we’ve only seen him be once before. (as a human)

I suppose my hope is for our love story to grow into the text before the end, but I’m also very aware that we’re rapidly moving towards the 11th hour, and I doubt we’ll get a last-minute confirmation or the show ending on a kiss between them, because this show isn’t about them. 

What’s important to remember, however, is that the fear of happiness runs deep in Dean as well, and Cas has been shown to provide Dean with a source of happiness that he doesn’t get from anyone else, so if Dean’s journey is to end on a high note, and he’s to face his fear of true happiness  and believe he deserves to be loved and the reward being… not linked to Cas in any way? I have a very hard time seeing that happening. So, I have faith.

What I hope for, more than anything at this point, is for an ending definitive enough that we don’t have to wonder and we don’t have to make it up for ourselves. 

An ending that is open enough that we know they will continue on, something for us to build on, and we most likely and most happily will build on it for ages to come, no matter what we get (at least I will), but still, an ending, a conclusion, a statement.

Closure.

*for the love of Ash’s hair*

To Summarise

Here endeth my long speculation and gentle argumentation for Cas to choose humanity at the end of our remarkable narrative. 

To give a brief overview of the points I’ve tried to make (hopefully I’ve succeeded in making them) (whether you agree or not is a different matter) —>

In 15x18 Cas makes the choice to return to Heaven to act as commander of the (handful? or will Jack be able to make more as his powers grow without, you know, transforming human souls?) of angels still there and make a concerted effort to defend Heaven, while Dean, Sam and Jack rally the troops on Earth, and Rowena rally the armies of Hell (please!)

He gets his powers back because the choice is the right one to make as he narratively needs the perspective in order to truly decide who he is and who he wants to be, and the reward for that right choice is that he doesn’t have to face the final battle with broken wings

There’s an ET goes home callback that makes us all fucking cry when Dean and Cas say their goodbyes, Dean being supportive af because that would be awesome, showing his progression

All the while, Dean wishes, fervently, that Cas would just stay, and at some point it would be doubly awesome for him to vocalise this

There is the possibility that everyone understands that if they win this war with God, and things start going back to “normal”, the best thing for everyone would be for the gates of Heaven and of Hell to close, but this might also be something that’s realised once the war is won

(of course it will be won) (thank fuck)

So, either Dean and Cas’ goodbye makes us cry because there’s the understanding that Cas won’t be able to just flit back and forth between Heaven and Earth as he pleases and so it’s really goodbye

Or it makes us cry because it’s still the end of them, as Cas is bound for Heaven again, and their relationship seems to be reverting to S4 status like N-O P-L-E-A-S-E

But because the gates of Heaven are closing (or not) Cas is pushed into making this choice for himself, and naw, he’s not going to stay in Heaven

The moment he makes the choice to return to Earth as a human, the Empty shows up to claim him

But the loophole allows Cas to tell the Empty to fuck right off as Cas (or another angel) cuts out his grace and he falls back to Earth. (in his human vessel) (if Metatron can do it, then an archangel such as Mike or even someone like Naomi, if she comes back on the board, can do it) (eh?)

Cas reunites with the gang, Sam and Eileen are lovey dovey, Dean and Cas are happy for them, and either they part ways here, Sam staying with Eileen, Dean and Cas heading out to Baby, or they stay together, a family unit, with Jack as well, of course, and it’s not like everything is perfect and they’re surrounded by a white picket fence and there are butterflies fluttering, because there’s still evil in the world that needs to be hunted and fought and they’ll always have work to do, but we see them together and we just know they’ll be alright.

All is peace.

And we are done.

FADE TO BLACK.

Buh-LIEVE me, this detail spec is not what we’re getting and I know it isn’t, but I wanted to write it out to explain what I got in my head, why it felt viable to me, and why the worry that they’ll give Cas his wings back and pack him off to Heaven and leave him there made me feel the need to write down why that is just not a good idea. (!!)

Do I actually believe they would ever do that?

I actually don’t. But, by that same token, I don’t know they wouldn’t. And to calm myself, I had to write out why I actually don’t think they would. Because narratively I cannot see how it would ever actually work that he becomes fully-fledged and goes away. You know?

Either he’ll remain as he is, and the Empty, and the sad parts that come with him not actually self-actualising before our eyes will simply be what it is, and I’ll accept it as it is, yeah? 

Or he’ll become human.

He won’t die again. I just do not believe he will. But hey, I’ve been wrong before! That’s partly the fun of this. It’s always so satisfying when you get it even in the ballpark of close to what we actually get on the show. Mh mh goodness.

What’s interesting to me, though, is the whole callback to S8 idea that hasn’t really left me alone since it got in my head, because it would be so lovely and so heartbreaking and so poignant. For Dean to be put in a situation where he supports Cas’ choices and does so without hesitation, but where he also ends up being compelled to say something, to tell Cas he wishes Cas could stay, or hopes Cas will come back or anything that just speaks to how Dean has let Cas disappear one too many times without properly expressing how, maybe, Dean would rather Cas stuck around.

It would, of course, tie back to the prayer, and to how Dean was absolutely ready to look Cas in the eyes, even though there were less then three minutes left on that ticking clock, and tell Cas what he’d felt compelled to say when he thought he was losing him again. There was no need for Dean to repeat it in purgatory, but maybe that was foreshadowing for what’s yet to come.

Even with the impossibility of Cas actually staying, because they have a war to win and Cas is needed elsewhere, it would be lovely if this is the moment Dean makes it clear that, under different circumstances, Dean would have preferred it that Cas stayed.

And for Cas to, instead of having humanity thrust upon him, the way it was in S8 when Metatron tricked him and cut out his grace, getting to choose it this time, and choose it for himself. 

The ET goes home moment would reflect S8 kind of perfectly, but with an actually happy outcome, hinting at a new human!Cas arc and, for me, that would be as good as textual Destiel because they’re on fire in the human!Cas arc. Like, they are moving towards something actual and tangible, the way they’re flirting with each other in that bar. I don’t think there is a more endearing or adorable moment than Cas drinking his beer and paying Dean a compliment and giving him a wink. And Dean then returning the flirtation. 

Um. Yes, please.

By the way, let me make it absolutely clear that there’s no doubt in my mind that the culmination of the love story in no way is relying on Cas becoming human. This isn’t a They Both Have to Be Human to be Together argument, because Dean has been in love with Cas for a long time, long before the human!Cas arc. It doesn’t matter what form Cas takes, to Dean Cas is Cas. 

The question is one of obstacles. We ask ourselves: what’s been stopping them from actually being together this whole time?

To me, all the choices that the characters make throughout S9 is an enormous turning point for all of them, but especially Dean and Cas during the beginning of the season, as their choices give us so much of what they need to do, what aspects of themselves they have to address, if they’re ever to find their way out of self-destruction and self-doubt, and into self-worth, paving the way for them being able to believe they deserve the love that the other has been proffering for all these years, and actually seeing it in its true light, accepting it, trusting it, and returning it without any inhibition.

Add to that the already mentioned shared struggle, as Cas and Dean have always had a deeply rooted fear of happiness, and we can all see the obstacles they’ve had to overcome to get to a place where they can share a healthy relationship.

They have had to build that healthy relationship with themselves first, and the reward at the end: happiness and love. *fingers so damn crossed though*

It really would be beyond amazing if we have it textualised, however subtle it may be, by the end of the series, that they are each other’s happiness, and that, without the other, there’s not much happiness to be had. There’s moving on and there’s not giving up and there’s finding purpose outside this one relationship, of course, but a long and happy life?

Not so much. 

To me, this is a fact that has been covertly explored throughout the entirety of their joint arc, because whenever one of them disappears out of the other’s orbit, their progression pretty much crashes to an absolute halt, or even undergoes serious regression. I talked about that in that other long-ass meta I mentioned, so if you’re hungry for more… 

I digress.

My final point, really, is that getting to witness  Dean letting Cas go, supporting him returning to Heaven, and Cas rightly feeling compelled to fullfil his duty, because it will lead to him being granted the choice of who he truly wants to be, would be mind-blowing. And if it all leads to an underlining of how Dean is taking the narrative lesson of easing up on his need for control, learning to let go and trusting that it will be alright in the end, which then leads to the love of his life returning to him, and Dean, finally, understanding that this is what Cas always does - he may up and leave, but he also always returns.

Only, this time Cas is staying…

I mean. Right? Anything like this. Anything even in the vicinity of this. Oh my God. I’ll be dancing.

I’m intrigued by the fact that Cas is subtly set up as a blindspot for Chuck the Writer, who’s first draft when at Becky’s house doesn’t even mention Cas. I have a feeling Cas will be a pivotal ingredient in them winning this stand-off, as he’s proven himself to be already, throughout S15.

And I’m intrigued by the phrase that has occurred at least twice in our narrative since end of S14: I had to die to get what I want. 

Could Cas almost cutting out his “life force” and bringing himself to the brink of “death” (angelic, as it were) be foreshadowing for how his angelic side has to die in order for him to get what he wants? 

I guess we shall simply have to wait and see, eh?

End of the day, it’s a question of legacy. And I’m just very curious to see what sort of legacy the writers room are gearing up to leave us with. I have every faith - all the faith - that no matter what we get, it’s going to be

s p e c t a c u l a r.

[emerald-echeveria-plant]

I feel as though I will get to or motivate myself to finish my little series of the crossover I made. So here are some things that would've happened

- Bonnet asking Ironbeard if he's a good captain. Ironbeard lies that he is so that he won't ask him again. Bonnet having an underlying feeling that he was indeed lying.

- ePiC fight scene between Octavia and Sao. Sao wins.

- Fleance trying to flirt with BEN and BEN ends up hurting his feelings with his sass.

- Cletus and Erik playful bantering with each other and might end up being possible frenemies.

- Bonnet and Haggis fist fighting

- Bonnet deciding to let Haggis live after beating the heck out of him. Lol he shouldn't have done that.

- Davy Jones cameo

- Billy and Islay knowing each other from being apart of an old crew, where they were once friends. Sorta implication they liked each other then but Islay was too emotionally closed off to start a relationship.

- Baozhai trying not to be a creep towards Flint so that he could actually like her back

- Flint slowly liking Baozhai as a friend.

- Baozhai and Flint sharing cute moments together

- Flint denying he's in love with Baozhai, even though he kinda is.

- Baozhai sharing her past with Flint. Flint kinda gets uncomfortable after she carefully describes how she murdered two families that ruined her life and mental state.

- Flint sharing a bit of his own past with Baozhai.

- Islay slowly letting herself open up emotionally.

- Islay and Billy having some of their own romantic plot line going on. Baozhai poking fun at Islay.

- "awww did someone get bit by the love bug or are you feeling all of that on your own? 😏" - Baozhai

- "oh shut up!" Islay

- The squad coming across an abandoned village. They see skeletal remains of the villagers that once lives there. Sends chills down some of their spines.

- A large beast attacking the four. Billy gets pretty messed up when trying to fight it. Islay and Flint trying their best to kill the beast. Baozhai is the one to slaughter it if it weren't for the help of her friends.

- Islay patching up Billy and they end up sharing a rather tender moment with each other.

- Baozhai having a mental breakdown about how she hates being insane and wishes she wouldn't have thoughts about wanting to hurt other people. How she misses thinking like a regular person. Flint trying his best to comfort her. It works and she's all okay again.

- Flint and Baozhai cuddling together ლ(◕ω◕ლ)

- Flint worrying he's getting too attached to Baozhai.

- Islay and Billy getting caught making out lmao

- Bonnet sharing with Leonid that he was once apart of a war. After he left said war, he made a promise to himself he wouldn't kill another man ever again. Makes it clear why he couldn't bring himself to kill Haggis in the first place.

- Leonid suggesting he may or may have not been apart of the Russian mafia.

- Erik getting revenge against Leonid for kicking his ass by cutting off his hand.

- Noëmie having to solve puzzle with Sao while they're stuck in some sort of death trap that's causing the room to get smaller. They survive and both swear to never speak of helping each other.

- Baozhai and Flint weirdly acting like a couple. You know like hugging, semi flirting, and laughing

- Archie after spying on Flint and Baozhai, finds out that they're getting too close with each other. He doesn't know what to think so he tells someone about what he saw. Archie telling Cletus about what he saw. Cletus then telling Noëmie, Noëmie then telling Fleance, Fleance than telling Leonid, Leonid telling Ironbeard, and Ironbeard telling Bonnet. It comes off as a rumor which Bonnet doesn't care too much about. He thinks Baozhai isn't truly in love with him and that its just a short-lived crush.

- Haggis on the other hand, hearing through the grapevine goes: >:O

- "One of MY crewmates was caught flirtin' with one of Bonnet's BASTARD crewmates??? Oh I'm gonna teach that boy a lesson alright >:(("

- Baozhai acting less insane and bloodthirsty.

- Her obsessive thoughts of wanting to be with Flint actually turn healthy.

- Baozhai and Flint sharing a tender moment underneath the stars.

- "I know this is going to sound weird but.. when I'm around you.. I feel sane." Which means a LOT coming from Baozhai.

- Baozhai and Flint damn near kissing only to be interrupted by Islay and Billy walking in on them.

- Islay sharing a story about how she was almost killed by Warden.

- Baozhai sharing some of her own stories and pieces about her own personal life.

- Baozhai daydreaming about being married to Flint and sailing the eitherium.

- Flint knowing he's too far in with Baozhai and doesn't know wether to back out or not. Tries to get advice from Billy but he's unfortunately stuck in same situation except it's with Islay.

- They all arrive to the cave that holds the lost treasure of the Paititi. Just as they do, so does everyone else. There's plenty of treasure but not nearly enough for two pirate crews to share it. Everyone starts fighting. Again. For like the third time.

- Bonnet getting his ass beat by Haggis again and this time Haggis almost kills him instead.

- Flint and Baozhai fight even though they don't really want to.

- Baozhai doesn't want to hurt Flint, causing her to confess that she loves him. Everyone gasps in pretty surprised and stop fighting. Flint already knew because it was damn obvious from the start.

- Flint doesn't know what to do. Does he choose a girl he's been with for a few days or possibly getting his ass beaten to death by his captain. As much as he would like to be with her, he knows he can't.

- He ends up stabbing Baozhai in the chest. It doesn't kill her but it's symbolic of him breaking her heart. (I like symbolism ok aksskskkw)

- Haggis's crew wins and take all the treasure for themselves. Bonnet's crew get beat the fuck up and head back to the ship to get their wounds patched up.

- so basically Haggis: 2 Bonnet: 1

- Octavia manages to fix everyone up then save the lives of Baozhai and Bonnet. even her own. (Goddamn she's a great doctor someone give her an award..)

- Baozhai doesn't talk or interact with anyone for a few days. She's very emotionless and empty from what happened.

- "Christ, she's never been this way before. You think she'll be okay?" - Cletus

- "Who knows. That heart break sure must've messed her up real bad, poor thing.." - Noëmie.

- "Well, it was the first time she's ever been in love before. And I guess this makes it her first heartbreak as well." - Octavia

- Bonnet now laying in his bed must of the time because of how fucked up he got by Haggis. Although he does try to be a leader for his crew. Even if it hurts for him to stand up.

- Meanwhile...

- "WHOOO WE GOT THE TREASURE! FUCK BONNET AND HIS CREW! WHAT A BUNCH OF PUSSIES!"

- Haggis chuckling and patting Flint on the back. Essentially congratulating him for manipulating that "little harlot" aka Baozhai to get to the treasure.

- Flint getting drunk off his ass to get rid of his guilt for betraying Baozhai.

- Billy not knowing what's the future of his and Islay's relationship going to be.

- When Bonnet about to go to sleep, the twins tell him an eerie prediction.

- "Don't you think an iron plate would go well with your slumber..?" - Liliana

"Yes, to protect oneself from the demons that lurk in the shadows of your room or in your mind?" - Lenny

"It certainly would, especially when the clock hits at twelve." - Liliana.

- "uh.. no..?" - Bonnet

- "You'll bring a dark omen upon this eitherium if you don't." - Lilliana and Lenny.

- Bonnet slowly enters his room, paying no mind to what the twins told him. He never truly believed in their predictions...

- when the clock struck twelve at night, Baozhai entered his room and stabbed him to death.

- In the morning, none of crewmates couldn't find their captain. He wasn't anywhere on the ship or in his office. It wasn't until Baozhai told them of his fate, all while she laughs her ass off with her back turned to them.

- Fleance immediately wants to have Baozhai killed or thrown overboard for betraying their captain. In response, Baozhai punches him and stabs him in the shoulder with a dagger. She holds the same dagger against his neck.

- Fleance ends up getting to have a good look at her face. It's covered in many scars and damn near mutilated.

- Baozhai tells Fleance to never disrespect their captain again or he'll be the one thrown overboard.

- She tells everyone that she's had enough of this crew getting their asses kicked and that things are going to start changing now that she's in charge.

- How they'll overthrow the monarchy and make the eitherium a better place for all..

- Baozhai then demands them to get back to their stations as she walks back to her new office.

- Stunned with this revelation, the crew do as their told to not upset their new captain.

- At night, Islay is on the deck trying to smoke her pipe then Baozhai comes to join her.

- "Islay, just the person I wanted to see. Mind if I smoke with you?" - Baozhai, pulling out a cigarette

- "Um, sure." Islay says uncomfortably.

- "You know I didn't really except for myself to take over the role of captain. It just sort of happened."

- "You stabbing Bonnet to death just sorta happened..?"

- "Yes! It did. After feeling empty for so long, I couldn't help but feel a strange combination of rage and bloodthirst take over that night. I just had to put my hands on something. Anything. And watch the life drain from it's eyes. It could've been Noëmie, Leonid, or even you. Heh, yet I went with Bonnet.. He was a weak link of the crew anyway."

- "I mean I guess he was.."

- "... I just wanted to tell you something."

- "What is it?"

- "You were right. About everything."

- "... About what-"

- "Love. It is truly a terrible thing. First you feel that high of dopamine and the butterflies fluttering around in your stomach then the next.. the guy you like breaks your heart. Quite literally."

- "Bao, I know what I said but don't take that it first awful experience-"

- "First? Heh, you really think I'm going to go through that again???"

- "No, I'm just saying that-"

- "YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I WON'T. I'M NEVER LETTING MYSELF GETTING BETRAYED AGAIN. FIRST IT WAS MY OWN FAMILY THEN IT WAS LETTING THAT BASTARD GET INTO MY HEAD! NO, I WON'T LET ANYONE MAKE A FOOL OUT OF ME AGAIN!"

- it's takes a moment for a Baozhai to calm down but when she does. She laughs for moment before telling Islay goodnight and heading off to sleep.

- Islay was a little shaken up by that. She tries to smoke her pipe to calm down then she sees the twins.

- "This is only the beginning of her madness..." - Liliana and Lenny

- "..."

- "Fuck my life." - Islay

So yeah that's what happens! Pretty sad but I wanted to keep that rivalry of Baozhai and Flint lmao. I wanted to write this stuff out but I never go the energy to do so. I didn't want to leave the series on a cliffhanger so I made this instead. I'm sorry that I couldn't finish it. But maybe I'll end up having the motivation to do so. Someday.

[popculturebuffet]

The Loud House Reviews: The Boss Maybe/ Family Bonding

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Loud House weekly coverage continues as Leni is pushed into the deep end of responsiblity and taking over Lori’s old role of babysitter while her parents are gone and promptly drowns in a sea of comedy clubs, human body parts both on screen and in the fridge, old men in holes and indoor beach volley ball. 

First things first: Last week I forgot to mention Rusty’s mustache freezing off as god, wether it be the judeo-christian god, Odin, that prick Zeus, the flying spagehtti monster or one of many other gods out there. Perhaps all of them did it at once out of hatred for the little weiner. Maybe one of them finally answered my prayers which in that case, that was nice and all but there are far worse things going on i’d prefer you took care of. Also the “stuff I couldn’t fathom” turned out to be just more loudcest, because of course it did. Loudcest is like David Spade, you think it’s finally gone or isn’t doing as much but then it comes around and makes the wrong missy and you waste 90 minutes of your life thinking i’td be so bad it’s good when it’s really just boring and a waste of it’s main actress talent. I lost track of that metaphor, but Loudcest is like david spade in that people like it for reasons I can’t fathom and it hasn’t quietly faded into the background for reasons I can’t fathom, though at least david spade was funny once. So maybe Loudcest isn’t like david spade. or maybe i’ve been taking too long with this bit. 

But whlie last week was a bit wonky it also had a lot to setup.. but now it’s time to see what the show does with all the setup over, and a lot of new possiblities ahead. PItter Patter!

The Boss Maybe Ah now this is exactly what I was hoping for this season. New situations brought about by the year-up and all the changes it brought, with the same old heart and humor and character progression that drew me back into the show. This is the kind of episode i love and have talked about in the past and dosen’t fall into any of the shows usual pitfalls in the process. Just great. I could end it there but I haven’t shut up before why do it now.  So this episode focuses on Leni who I talked about a bit last week and easily had the best plot and in general tends to have good episodes, both before and after the show became an ensemble piece, and even in episodes without her tends to slide in just fine. She’s always a nice breath of fresh air when she shows up. 

I think that’s due to a number of things. For one it’s how sweet a person she is: She’s genuinely nice, kind and well meaning. While she is dumb as a box of rocks that resemble Pauly Shore, what I like is her stupidity isn’t malicious, or overused for misery. She causes comical injuries from time to time with it but she’s quick to apologize iff she realises it and usualyly has no ill will to anybody unless provoked or fighting Lori over a dress despite them wearing the same clothes all the time. I know standard animation thing but it’s always weird to me when shows with a stock outfit for a character have a fashionista, and prefer when shows have stylish characters actually change outfits like Kim Possible did with it’s title character, Xiaolin Showdown did with Kimiko and of all things LIttlest Petshop did with Blythe. Granted Blythe is a nothing of a character but still, credit where it’s due. But I do get this is also a nick show and they givet hem the budget of 50 cents and a network memo that says “BEG US FOR MORE MONEY” written in blood, so fair enough. 

That aside she’s just plesant to watch. The other factor is Liliana Mumy. If you haven’t heard of her , she’s a vetran voice actress whose been doing this on and off since she was a kid, voicing Panini on chowder as a child and later going on to voice Beth in bravest warriors among other roles. Why she only does work so ocasionaly I have no idea but when she does she’s great. She’s also the son of fellow child actor BIll Mumy, aka the guy who as a kid played Anthony Fremont from the Twilight Zone classic “It’s A Good Life”, which if you haven’t seen it is about a small child who has the power of a god and thus can banish people who are “bad”, i.e. disobey him and thus rules over a small town as a creepy and cruel despot. Oh and he can read minds so if you dare to have a thought he dosen’t like your getting banished, with no telling what that means or where anyone disappeared goes. It’s good stuff. Highly recommend it, Mumy is absolutley terrifing and a brilliant actor even at that age and I wish he’d done more as an adult. I also bring it up because Lily played his daughter when they did a sequel episode during the UPN version of the show, set decades later and showing just what the little terror was like grown up... as well as what happens when his DAUGHTER gets the power. It was also really good and worth a watch after the first one. Good stuff. 

TLDR: Leni is one of my faviorites, so’s her voice actress, i’ve rambled enough about unrelated stuff at this point. 

We open at the mall, where for Leni life begins after schol, that’s when we bend all the rules time to hang with all her friends in the place where she belongs!

I mean technically she’s 17 now, but she was 16 when she started this job and none of them were 16 by the time the show ended so nyeh. This started in season 3 when the show started giving the girls not just their own stories but their own supporting casts., storylines, love intrests etc. Luna and Luaan got their romance plots with Sam and Benny, Lori got her college plot towards the end of the season, Lynn’s friends started showing up in her plots more, Luna’s mortuariy club went from assorted background friends of hers to a full fleged supporting crew, and of course Lincoln’s friend group started to become a recurring part of his plots away from his sisters. 

For Leni, being one of the only three kids that could legally work at the time, another possible plot to dig into, and with Luna having way less incentive to get a 9-5 job with her music to work on and the fact we’ve seen her use said music to make money once in a blue moon, Leni was a good choice. It gave her something she was good at besides fashion, even if it’s fashion adjacent and gave us a new supporting cast for those stories: Her boss Mrs. Redinger, your standard “i’m tough by fair” type, and her new friends Fiona and Miguel, two fellow fashion savy teens played by actors i’d never heard of but who do a damn good job and play off her well, with both being a bit sarcastic but Fiona being a bit more mopey and deadpan and Miguel being a possibly but defintely gay teen. Both play off her well by being more down to earth and more wiling to be negative, but still enjoyable enough to be around you can buy them being friends with Leni and their a stellar addition to the cast. I wish, much like we’ve gotten with Liam lately, we could see more of them outside leni stories. Their a treat. 

But I really like Leni’s work there. Besides the cast it puts Leni in a role of responsiblity she excels at. My only real problem is her boyfriend, maybe I dunno, Chaz, one of the ONLY love intrests from l is for love to get mentioned again and one of the more intresting ones, never shows up despite also working at hte mall and the story potetial of them working for rival stores or the same store. I mean I can’t blame them for not throwing another love intrest on the pile when they had two ongoing romance plots, but now both Luna and Luann are on steady ground with their steadies, it’s time to pull that trigger, get off hte ground and eat that horse. Also let LIncoln have one again will ya? It dosen’t have to be stella but Girl Jordan is right there, i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again.. where is she. And if not her just make one you’ve proven to actually be really good at it. 

Where was I? Ah yes the mall. Leni is doing great at her job, suggesting some gloves to scoots, who ceases being skeptical when a hunky younger man of 30 something compliments her on them them chases off after him. If you don’t remember who scoots was that’s the old lady on a scooter who makes troulbe and appareltly can still get it. Good for her. Granted this is coming from someone who ships eda and stan pines still even though it’s now revealed she’s 30 but... frankly I don’t think age is a concern with her and stan can make this joke, so it evens out. 

I mean he would right? I”m getting off topic even more than usual, point is Leni is doing great and her boss takes her to the break room for cake room... it’s just the one cake but can you imagine a cake room? that’s the life. Just a fridgerated room full of cake. 

Turns out she’s EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH. And she didn’t have to chain squidward to an ancient battle ship to get it or anything. After some confusion, Fiona has to clarify it’s NOT her birthday because of course she does, Leni is proud. Full of cake and pride she tells her mom whose decided to reward her good job at work.. by dumping a bunch of respnosiblity on her.  I kid. Rita is being somewhat resonable here. She asks Leni to take over Lori’s old role of babysitting/making sure the other 10, now 9 kids don’t burn the house down... no really she actually specifies that when leaving in the next scene. Which.. fair enough.. you have 11 kids, all likely to plug in a lot of stuff especially Luna and Lisa, said Lisa is a mad scientest who ends up nearly being the one to do it this time, Lynn has no common sense, and the younger ones who aren’t mad scientst are still reckless and vain and combattive respectivley so the odds of a house fire nearly breaking out on any given night are 1:1. But Leni in a show of self doubt that’s rare for her is scared (Though her revealing that by answering a question of how she’d feel about about babysitting the kids with “Scared” was fucking gold. I swear Lily’s deliveries are always so great. ), and while Rita assures her she’s not sure. But as I said, she is being resonable: While Leni’s not the brightest she’s kind, she’s been shown even before her recent major award she’s responsible, she’s babysat for other people’s kids, and she’s kind. I mean they COULD put Luna or Luaan in charge but while when I first read the preview blurb for this episode I was cuirous why they didn’t think of that or thought they would, this episode does a good job presenting WHY they’d do it, while other episodes fill in the gaps: Luna is a bit reckless and Luaan can get caught up in her bidness and as we know once a week goes through the green door and comes out a gamma monster fuled by the sound of her own laughter, a horrible mixture of the joker and madman.. the leader’s insane brother. I’m a huge nerd, you all know this. Leni is the right choice.

Despite her nerves Leni has little choice but to take it on and Mr. Loud proudly sees her out with ye olde english as he and Rita, with lily in a cute little knight’s helmet in tow, are going to a renisance fair to cater, with Lynn Sr needing the backup. And while you may say “what about his staff”.. their either going with and he just needs an extra pair of hands since it’ll be nuts, or some of them are staying behind to man Lynn’s Table while he’s out on his catering gig. I mean the man has plenty of time for his kids, he’s not at the restraunt 24 hours a day. Someone else has to run it when he’s gone. I asked internally why they didn’t just take them along.. then reminded myself that taking all 11 kids to the faire at once, without anyone to watch them and likely having to call in favors when jsuta s likely, Lynn Sr and Rita can take them all another day with presumibly free passes as part of the catering job as that sounds like the kinda thing he’d do. Also Senior’s into scarf’s now thanks to Leni, which I love. Looks good on him. Hank should give her a call. Ascots may be out but I think he could rock a scarf. I’ve had ventures on the brain.  What follows is naturally Leni having several panic attacks as chaos naturally insues btu without Lori’s lifetime of experince dealing with it. IT’s a nice dynamic: Leni, as we’ve established, has always been sort of Lori’s sidekick, her best friend, her amigo. Sure they fight, siblings do that, but they’ll always be there for each other when it counts. SHe’s never really had to THINK without her or be without her, so throwing her into the deep end of taking care of the kids really leaves her shook. It’s a HARD job, it’s probably why the louds don’t bring in babysitters often: there are 11 kids to look after, 10 now and only 9 tonight but still a LOT of them and most of htem pretty high maintince. It was just easier with Lori because she grew up knowing each of them, knowing each of their weaknesses and putting the fear of her righteous wrath into them. They’ve spent their whole lives looking up to her, literally and figuratvely, as their big sister and respecting her as the biggest authority in the house that’s nto her parents, sometimes bigger. Those aren’t just big shoes to fill , their Galactus size and that combined with her big sister worship leaves Leni understandably scared, lost and frequently paralized with anxiety this episode.  No really multiple times she just freezes and one times she screams. As someone with Anxiety disorder I related to this.. sometimes you either just break down or you just FREEZE from the stress and everything hitting you at once and have no idea how to progress while people are still barking at you to do something. It’s a lot but it was a nice touch that really added to her sympathy.   And her anxiety is also understandable when she’s being hit with 80 problems at once, which i’ll tackle all at once here rather than in order as this episode has a really frentic and good pace: while it follows the formula of “Leni runs into a problem, Leni freezes, then Leni gets help from Lori twice hten mr.grouse, more on that in am inute”, the quick pace and great jokes help keep things from feeling too repetivie. 

Anyways the chaos: Just from the start Lucy puts a possibly human liver in the fridge, Lana eats all the cookies then gets skunked by her pet skun, and Lola and Lynn get into a fight over 5 bucks Lynn found, and since Leni can’t just let one kill the other as nature intended she has to fix all this.. mostly by removing the smell with tomato juice and scaring off the skunk and cutting the dolar bill in half. Money dosen’t work that way as both sisters point out but frankly it’s Lola and Lynn, I don’t care who they feel. 

Meanwhile two of my other faviorties get into a tiff over their room: Luaan turns it into a comedy club and kicks luna out, with Scoots and her new man returning. Again, get it girl, get it, and Leni, under Lori’s advice, pretneding to be a fire marshall.. only for Luna towarsd the end to turn it into her own rock club. Lisa creates a corossive super substance that burns a hole in the floor, Lana continues to grapple with the skunk and finally Lincoln and Clyde.. watch a scary movie despite Lucy’s warnings.. and Lucy does something else.. I think? It was a chaotic episode with a lot of set pieces so forgive me if I forgot one of them. Honestly she’s the most well behaved there.But yeah as per the cliche Lincoln and Clyde, after Leni gets the wifi fixed with Mr. Grouse’s help, they get super scared and freaked. Everyomne is freaking, the house is falling apart and Senior wants permission to wear a pinky ring via thought cloud.. which.. no man no. Scarves yes but no one looks good with a pinky ring. No one. And I say that as amporphous blob covered in hair, sweat and regrets. 

As for how Leni deals with all this she leans on Lori, calling her twice, but at inportune times: during a golf game and at the library where said phone gets taken. Granted, I don’t get why she didn’t have it on silent, as I would in those situations, but then we wouldn’t have an excuse to include her and it feels necessary to show WHY Lori can’t just help all night or reassure her sister and with Lori gone the panic only intensifies. As I said she gets paralized with fear and later just outright screams.. which attracts an irate Mr Grouse, the next door neighbor who I need to watch more of’s episodes. Including 12 louds of leapin.. I know i’m way overdue on that. This december. Promise. 

The old man who yells at Louds helps for a bit, helping get rid of a beach Lynn set up because she’s lynn, she has the consderation of a puppy, but eventually falls in a hole like most great heroes and most elderly people. I mean the ones up the street at the retierment home must fall in once a week. They get out of course because the assitant living mole lets them ride out as it digs into the walls. Or maybe that was just a hallucination.  Eventually though the start at her job comes back as she calls the only people she has left for help: Fiona and Miguel, who are at the mall in chairs because of courser they are, and both are confused why she’s so helpless: She’s fantastic at work, she’s kind, confident and smart.. about certain things, she can do this. Besides helping her confidence with this really sweet moment they also give her a good tool for how to use said confdience from work: just treat her siblings as customers. It’s also a nice call back to how we’ve seen Leni learn way back in season 1 during “Driving Miss Hazy” we’ve seen that she can have troulble grasping things, but when you put it in terms she understands, like fashion, or shopping, or in this case helping customers with their issues, she snaps into it. She learns at her own pace in her own way, it’s why I think sh’es neurotypical, and possibly ont he spectrum like yours truly: while her stupidity isn’t part of that the unqiue way she processes things has me supscious. either way it works. 

So with a new strategy Leni.. literally adresses them like shoppers, which is comedy gold. However it’s a valid strategy:  besides the visualation part by getting them to form a line, instead of trying to handle 2 or 3 problems at once she simply handles them one at a time: She scares the skunk off again, shuts down both competing clubs in the older kids room, uses water to take out lisa’s universal solvant, gives Lola and Lynn 5 bucks instead of just cutting a ten in half this time, and in the sweetest moment of the episode, reads Clyde and Lincoln a childrens book to clam them down. Sure it’s  a bit funny but their genuine relief and all threes adorable expressions really melt the heart. 

Leni finally wins, just as her parents get home and congradulate her, Rita’s faith not misplaced. While Rita probably knew it’d be an adjustment, and frankly should’ve prepped her sooner, she knows her daughter and knows waht sh’es caapable of. Also Senior brought home meet and gives leni a turkey leg who gives it to the old man who now lives in a hole inside their house. That’s his home now. Mr Grouse is just there now. Or I wish he was. But I guess you can’t always get what you want epsecially if it’s an old man living in a hole in the loud’s living room. Someday.  Final thoughts for The Boss Maybe: As you could easily tell I loved this one. Funny with a hell of an emotional core, and with great pacing espeially for a loud house episode, this was a joy to watch and easily one of the best episodes the show has done. Just a funny, breezy watch with a lot of subtext, intetional or not, regarding what we’ve seen of Leni and honestly i’m going to go with intetional. It felt really rooted in who Leni is, her relationship with lori, and her work without hitting you over the head with it. It just all flowed really well and made for a hard one to top for the season this early. I’m impressed and it gives me hope for the rest of the season. 

Family Bonding

This one was.. okay. As i’ve learned the hard way from doing Amphibia when an episodes just okay it’s best to breeze through it.. but I can give it this. While it’s mostly a standard loud house episode the ending.. wasn’t predictable. That’s for sure. I mean.. it left me with only one thought really...

But i’m getting ahead of myself. The episode’s plot is standard for the most part: Lincoln’s obessed with a new spy comic book about a james bond expy.. okay so that’s what Sterling Archer did besides physical therapy for the three months between his waking up and Season 11.  Anyways they soon get more exciting news from Lynn. New Neighbors! Before Rita can stop them, the rest of her family tramples over her and goes to make their aqunatince and of course be a bit overbaring with it before Rita rushes in with a spray bottle to spray them like a bad dog because frankly when your dealing with 11 people most of whom are really impuslive, sometimes dog training just works. You try raising eleven kids and see how long before your brain breaks.  Anyways after introductions and the mom turning down cherry pie, you monsters, lincoln sees strange flashing lights and a device and is convinced something is up and unable to convince his family and on a spy kick, recurits clyde. Now why he dosen’t call on Stella and Zach I dunno. And yes I said Zach and not my boy Liam. I have my reasons: Stella, besides being a faviorite of mine, is a tech whiz as shown in one of the comics and in the cookie episode, and Liam is already a paranoid conspiracy nut and as we’ve seen with Dale Gribble, they can be suprisingly useful. I mean Dale is not the best on common sense but he knows goverment bilaws in and out, is skilled with a gun or a bag of pocket sand, and has danny trejo’s octavio, whose basically danny but as hired muscle instead of a master actor, on speed dial. I mean we don’t know if Zach dosen’t have a danny trejo on speed dial or not. We never asked.  As for the other two while I love LIam, spying just dosen’t seem to be in his sizeable skill set and Rusty.. well rusty’s about as subtle as a man covered in screeching cats he glued to himself blowing an airhorn, while screaming the script to a micheal bay movie while doing the explosion noises himself.. which Rusty has probbbly done.  The real thing i’m getting at is I don’t get why, outside of Clyde and LIam, the writers think when LIncoln has an epiosde it either just needs ot be ClyncolnMcCloud or the ENTIRE group, when one or two would do the trick. YOu CAN seperate them out. People do hang out with diffrent friends at diffrent times. I know the show’s grasp on reality is tenous at best, we got to that last week with the whole one teacher for core classes thing with schooled and this week.. again we’ll get to it in a second, but friends DO hang out seperate. We saw each member of the Lincrew, minus stella because she didn’t exist yet, doing their own thing in Racing Hearts. It’s not that complicated. It’s hard to flesht hem out when their used as one solid unit and not unresonable to just use one or two. it’s a lesson I hope the show learns eventually and hope it’s sister show learns too. 

But yeah our dynamic duo spend the episode as youd’ expect; unraveling conspriacies and stalking the new family, though there are some funny bits. Besides Rita squirting her family like a cat or a dog, we have flip getting half his face shaved by a survelince drone and okay maybe just those two things. not bad bits, but the general concept of them roleplaying into mischief.. has been done before. The show’s done the detective bit before and the spy trappings really don’t change that. And you CAN do a good spy takeoff episode, this one just sin’t it and feels like your standard LIncoln and Clyde messaround with tuxedos. Which to be fair are pretty awesome but still. It’s pretty flat.  The climax though? I’ll give it this.. it’s pretty entertainngi if also 100% what exactly the fuck. So our heroes are naturally caught sneaking into the neighbors house and its eems they were wrong, etc etc, exactly what we expected the new kid will hang around.. at least we have a new character. Instead.. LIncoln accidently hits a knob and unveils a panel

So yeah... turns out the new family ARE spies, just for Peach Growers and plan to wipe out all cherries in royal woods. Yup.. look I know this universe is patently insane but even for loud house, even with all of lisa’s super science... even with the slapstick but this is just.. nuts. Like i’m fine with suspending my disbelif, this show is a goofy comedy, but this is a bit much. I LOVE it for being nuts but only in a “what on spagehtti monster’s green earth were you thinking”. I get swinging for the fences but Lincoln getting into a fight with a bunch of spies after playing spy, well beating them with slapsticks and stopping their plot to elmitie cherries..t his isn’t Kids Next Door. This just.. dosen’t work. Jeff Goldblum tell em why, my brains too broken to articulate this anymore

Yeah that. It’s just a weird climax and ends iwth LIncoln vetting the new neighbors.. which does it include girl jordon? Did they just write her out? If so why? Fans liked her, you can have more than one female character in Lincoln’s friend group. Zach is replacable. You can give me whatever the fuck this was, but not an intresting friend for him who has personality already. I get 50% chad but not your decision making. Gah. 

Final Thoughts for .. this. one This one really didn’t work. Besides the ending just not fitting the series specific brand of ludicrous, I mentioned KND for a reason as it made this sort of plot work fine by having it’s whole unvierse be really fucking weird and specific, it’s mostly just okay. We’ve seen this before.. well okay I haven’t watched many of the Lincoln and Clyde messarounds, but the formula’s about the same.  And that dosen’t work. For one you have a HUGE swath of new possiblities: A new school, Chandler coming back, new teachers and faculity, a new principal, and Lynn and LIncoln being in the same school, and you instead just.. retread the same crap. you have 4 of lincoln’s friends other than clyde to use but don’t let them in on the fun. And most agrivating to me you move new neighbors into the neighborhood while neglecting some of your old supporting cast and have them be villians of the week instead of adding someone NEW to the neighborhood. Give one of the other kids a new friend, or give lincoln a new friend to add to his group and replace liam, shake up the dynamic with him and clyde bya dding a third or, most obviously move one of his friends INTO the neighborhood, most obviously stella since you spent so much time building her up then have her addition affect Lincoln and Clyde. Sure we’ve had an episdoe of one of his friends getting in the way of them before, but this would be diffrent. This episode is just.. not great and was a waste of my time, espespcailly after following such a stellar episode. It’s probablyt he first genuinely bad episode i’ve covered on this blog. Now that probably won’t stand, i’ve seen genuiley worse but.. as a wise penguin once said. 

One last note. That Young Dylan graphic is really obnoxiou and obtrusive.  It’s the second most obnoxious thing i’ve seen on this network. 

I”m out for this week. If you want more check out my Amphibia reviews, as I just finished a new one today, my other loud house reviews in the newly minted nickelodeon tab or other stuff on my other tabs, send me an ask for reviews you’d like to see or pay me to review whatver you want for 5 bucks via direct message. And check this blog Monday for the return of weekly Ducktales coverage, and next weekend for the next episode of loud house, and throughotu the week for more reviews.  Until we meet again, GO TEAM VENTURE!. Play us out Mary Kate Wiles. If nothing else this episode let me use this song. 

[sabineelectricheart]

A Lighter Burden

Summary: No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of another.

Rating: K+ - Suitable for more mature childen, 9 years and older, with minor action violence without serious injury. May contain mild coarse language. Should not contain any adult themes.

Words: 2900

Notes: I found this picture on a site for a store called Gilbert Chocolates. It was meant to be.

Delicate bits of crystallized ivory cascaded from the grey, cloud-cloaked sky to blanket the quiet lane between his home and the lonely window which was his destiny.

These days, the sky always seemed overcast. Ever since 1929, they had not seen the sun’s generous shine in Burlone, which was fitting for the overall mood of its inhabitants.

There was a biting chill woven throughout the strong currents of wind that accompanied the descending white flurries, making it difficult for Gilbert to really appreciate the mesmerizing, even innocent, display as he trudged through the empty, sad streets.

The frigid air tore at the exposed skin of his face and neck in a distracting assault, forcing him to pull the heavy lids of his coat further down over his face for protection. As a result, Gilbert's vision was obscured, and he was forced to stare at the ground while he made his way tirelessly through the storm.

The weather was far too terrible for anyone to be out and about. It was the sort of morning that would have been better spent enjoying the storm from the tranquil warmth of home.

Gilbert thought of the comfy chair beside the stone fireplace in his sitting room and felt a pang of desperate longing. He would give almost anything to be in the cosy shelter of the too-large manor house he shared with his beautiful wife. However, he had needed to do some early morning shopping, and there was one more stop on his list before he could make a hasty return home.

His last destination was a small store on a quiet promenade of Creta, looming closer to the Falzone territory than to the headquarters of the organization that supported and protected it. Ferrero Confectionary was a place he had found himself frequenting more and more often over the last few months.

It seemed so strange to Gilbert that he had not stepped foot in his old turf after he left for America for his liquor business, though those buildings and the people that lived on them held so many memories for him. He had been far too preoccupied with building an empire, amassing wealth, he ended up forgetting what was once important to him.

Now, years later, after his North American endeavour greatly diminished its returns, he was suddenly back in town, trying to find wise investments for his money and manpower, in a country ravaged by war, authoritarianism and economic crisis, all on the while dredging up nostalgic thoughts of times long past and making new memories for his collection.

A smile tugged one corner of his mouth up into a lopsided grin when he thought of the reason behind his recent visits to the local chocolatier. Each trip began and ended because of the love he held in his heart for Liliana. She was a beautiful spark of radiance in what would be, without her, an otherwise dreary, meaningless and ultimately short life.

To Gilbert she was the rarest of diamonds, yet she did not see herself in the same light that he did. Whenever he tried to tell Lili exactly why she was such an amazing person, his wife would give him a humouring smile. Still, Gilbert knew she did not really believe all of the wonderful words he used to describe her. She was precious to him, and Gilbert only wished she could see herself through his eyes.

Lili was even more precious to him these days than ever before. Especially now that she was suffering from such constant bouts of illness. All Gilbert wanted was to make life better for the woman that he loved, and one sure-fire way of achieving that was to pay a visit to the old Ferrero couple, Nina and Adamo, the owners of his wife’s favourite confectioner, and the only people who can come even closer to match her, presently unavailable, talent for sweets, in his unbiased opinion.

If he could spend just a few coins on something that would ease Lili's torment, Gilbert could not think of any reason why he should not do just that. He would spend much, much more than that, after all. He had too much to spare.

What was it that his wife read to him once? No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of another? He wanted to lighten any and all burdens Lili was carrying. Jesus, he would throw fistfuls of bills at the couple if it would give Lili even one single refreshed sigh.

Gilbert raised his dark head when he felt the ground begin to climb beneath his boot-clad feet. The tiny square stretched out before him, just as deserted as the avenue behind him had been. It would seem that everyone else must have thought better of going out early, preferring to stay out of the weather.

A, albeit comparatively small, pillowing of snow had fallen over the little village throughout the night, but it still was a lot for Burlone’s usual Mediterranean disposition. It was no surprise that the ground sat untouched.

His were the only footprints to mar the beautiful perfection as he walked to the front door of the sweetshop. The green door swung open easily on well-oiled hinges when he turned the golden knob and pushed it open. The tiny bell overhead tinkled throughout the uncanny silence filling the shop, alerting both of the proprietors of his arrival.

Adamo looked up from a batch of fudge cooling on the counter before him. The little old man flashed a smile of greeting when he recognized Gilbert's flushed face peeking out from beneath the dark and inconspicuous hood.

"Ah, Gilbert my boy! We didn't expect you to visit us this morning, what with the weather being as it is." The old man gave a familiar chuckle as he hobbled from behind the counter to take Gilbert's hand in his own. He gave it a quick, squeezing shake and said, "Nina and I were sure you would wait until the temperature was a little more agreeable."

"Good morning, Adamo!" Gilbert said with a grin. "I probably wouldn't have come had I not known that poor Lili was about to run out of her favourite sweets. You know, they're the only thing that really make her feel somewhat better."

"Really? I had no idea." The chocolatier chuckled again and wrapped an arm around Gilbert's shoulders. As he led him over to the counter where Nina was working, he said, "You are a good lad, Gilbert. To look after your wife in such a way shows just how much you love her."

Gilbert nodded his deep-red head in agreement as he pushed his hood back, causing unruly locks of auburn hair to fall across his face. He felt a small warmth on his face starting to bloom, but years of schooling one’s expression did wonders to hide embarrassment. "I do love her, sir. She's my everything."

"Where is the Madama this morning?" Adamo asked with real concern. He always asked Gilbert where Lili was and how she was doing.

"I left her at home, in bed.” He responded, with a demurer tone than the usual. “She was exhausted after being up all night, as always. I thought I'd let her get a little rest while I went gift-shopping. How happy she will be when she wakes up to a latte and fine chocolate?"

Nina looked up from what she was doing to give Gilbert an approving look, as a mother would when their son proved the good upbringing she provided.

"That lovely girl is lucky to have such a gallant man looking after her. Not all husbands are as considerate are you are, Gilbert, dear." She threw a look in her husband's direction and smiled wistfully. "I know exactly how lucky she must feel with you there. Adamo, for all his faults, has always taken such good care of me when I'm ill."

Gilbert watched as the dark-haired woman stretched a hand out to pat her husband's face gently. He did not know why, but witnessing the small display of love between the couple made him feel both uncomfortable and content.

He was witnessing a tender moment that felt as if it should have been private, something secret between the two. Yet, at the same time, he felt as if he were looking through a window of what he hoped would be the future for him and Lili.

To preserve their privacy, the redhead looked away from the pair and waited for the moment to pass, not wanting to interrupt something so sweet.

After a few minutes, Adamo said, "Well, Gilbert, what will the order be today? Another sack of Lombard liquorice for your little lady? Perhaps some peppermint candy canes? Or will it just be the usual?"

Gilbert's green eyes flicked back to the couple. On the other side of the counter, Nina was working again. She was wrapping chocolates in clear plastic wrappers and tying them shut with little pieces of scarlet ribbon. Looking closer, the man saw that they were chocolate roses perched on top of thin wooden sticks, resembling the real thing, minus the nasty thorns. Somehow, they seemed to gleam a brilliant red, as if they had been dipped in a cherry varnish. He thought they looked too beautiful to simply be eaten.

When Gilbert looked toward Adamo, the older man was leaning against the counter waiting patiently for his order.

"Just the usual today!” He responded with a smirk. “I want to go back home as soon as possible, but I need to get another big box of your almond truffles. Those are Lili's favourites, and they really seem to help her when she's feeling unwell."

"That must be your lucky day, then. We pulled a fresh batch of truffles from the refrigerator just earlier this morning, and I was just about to box them. I'll go get it now, it’ll just be a second!" The old man said with a wink.

He turned and hobbled back toward the counter where he had been standing when Gilbert arrived.

The redheaded crime lord, then, turned his gaze back to the chocolates Nina was still wrapping while he waited, and asked, "What have you been concocting all this time, signora?"

She looked up to see him watching her intently. "Oh, these right here? They are some of my favourites. I have to keep myself away from them or else we wouldn't have any left to sell."

The woman held one of the wrapped chocolates out to him for inspection. He took it and looked at it very closely while she spoke. "These are chocolate covered roses. I've chosen some of the sweetest roses that I could find and dipped them into a perfectly tempered dark chocolate. When you eat them, they taste just like chocolate covered strawberries."

"You mean there are actual roses inside of these?! I didn't know a person could eat roses!" Gilbert realized that his voice sounded sceptical as he spoke, and he hoped that the sweet old woman behind the counter would not take offense.

He need not have worried. She gave him a kind smile as she said, "Oh yes, dear. People can eat all of the different types of roses. They're not toxic, and quite delicious indeed. Each one has a different flavour. Some are sweet, like these, and taste like a bit like strawberries. Others give off a bitter punch. Does your young lady like chocolate?"

"Yes, she does. Lili would love these. She's always appreciated the chocolates that you make, Nina." Gilbert handed the chocolate back to her, careful not to drop it.

The shopkeeper seemed pleased at hearing that. "I've always taken great pride in my handmade chocolates. I'm happy to hear that Signora Redford enjoys them so much."

"Here you go, lad!" Adamo said. He had had made his way back with a large, wooden brown box held in both hands. He offered it to Gilbert with a grin. "I certainly hope that this batch of bonbons is just as good as the last. That blond associate of yours dropped off a letter here the last time you took some home to Lili. She wrote that they were the best batch yet! I don’t want to have her disappointed now."

Gilbert chuckled. Lili was the sort of person to do something like that. Though she was sick almost day and night, she would have taken the time to let the sweet old couple know just how much she loved their treats.

"I'm glad to hear it.” He responded with joy. “I had no idea she'd sent you a letter."

"I've mentioned it more than a few times over the years, Gilbert. That Lili is a lovely girl. She's been very kind to a couple of old timers like us. I can't remember the last time we received so many complementary cards and tips." Adamo patted him on the shoulder. "Make sure you give her our love."

"I definitively will!" Gilbert responded.

He watched as the old man nodded his head and then moved off to continue working on the batch of fudge waiting for him.

Gilbert reached inside of his trench coat to pull out the stuffy wallet resting deep within an inner pocket. It was weighty in his hand, having been filled up earlier that morning, and he had to rest it on the counter to count the ever-devalued currency. The box of chocolate truffles would normally cost just a few lire, but Gilbert liked to leave a couple of extra bills for the little old couple.

He pulled out five hundred lire and held them out for Nina to take. She was waiting for him, having already taken the box from him to place in a bag, so that she could put the money in the ancient till.

He was just taking up the bag to leave when she said. "Wait, dear. Take these back for Lili. I believe you once said lilac was her favourite colour, yes?"

Gilbert stared with wide eyes as the woman took another box from the counter, one with a big lilac ribbon, and pushed it into his hands. The box had a clear cover so that he could see inside. It was filled with at least a dozen chocolate roses.

"Oh, Nina! That’s mighty generous of you, but I can't just take these.” The mafioso argued. “How much would you normally charge?"

She shook her head at him. "You're a good man, Gilbert Redford. You have been looking after a sick wife for months now, never once complaining. On top of that, you've been giving a little extra pocket money to a couple of old farts that haven't done anything to deserve it. Now, you take these to your wife. I won't take no for an answer."

Gilbert felt a wave of emotion wash over him at her words. "Nina, Adamo, you do deserve the extra pocket money. You've helped Lili throughout her entire pregnancy with your sweets. She's been sick nonstop for months now, and the only time she gets any relief is when she's enjoying some of your handmade candy. She jokes that the baby will be the sweetest in the world because of how much she eats. I'm grateful for all that you two do for her without even knowing how much it helps."

Nina hurried around the counter to pull the redhead into a tight hug. "You are such a sweet man, Gilbert."

He wasn't sure what to say, so Gilbert said nothing. He just took Nina into his arms and returned the squeezing hug. She sniffled when she pulled away and wiped a quick hand against her cheek as if brushing away tears.

"Thank you, Nina." He said, earnest.

"Oh, one last thing before you go!" sSe said with a watery smile. Her hands were clutching a smaller bag that she had taken from the countertop. "I want you to have these. I know that it isn't much, but I know these are some of your favourites. I've been slowly gathering things for you since you started coming in to get those silly candies for Lili. There's a bit of chocolate in there, a few types of fudge, some cakes and a piece of cherry jam pie. I remember you being fond of it when you were a boy."

Gilbert looked at the bag in his hands and thought of how he could express his gratitude. As if realizing his struggle, Nina said, "There's no need to say anything, dear. I know how much you appreciate what we do for you." She pulled him into another quick hug before pushing him to the door. "You get home to Lili. I'm sure she'll be missing you."

He moved toward the door as he cast a glance at both of them over his shoulder. The old woman had gone to take her husband’s hand in her own, and they both watched him head off into the storm.

It seemed almost sad that he should be leaving them there. They had become a fixture in his life over the months. However, all of them knew that in a few days’ time he would be back for more goodies.

He had to come back because Gilbert needs to make rainbows in all of Lili's clouds.

*_*_*_*_*

Piofiore Masterlist

[elfrootaddict]

HERALD OF ANDRASTE - Chapter 1/4

DESCRIPTION: El'lana’s entire world is turned upside down when she, a proud Dalish elf, is bestowed the title “Herald of Andraste”. SERIES: Halla & Wolf VOLUME: 3

It was only yesterday that Lana woke up to find herself on a large bed, in a warm cabin - instead of lying outside on the cold stone floor of the temple’s ruins.

Confused by her surroundings, Lana abruptly sits up and frightens an unexpected young elven woman who immediately drops her supply box as she falls to her knees, plants her hands on the floor and exclaims, “I beg your forgiveness and your blessing. I am but a humble servant.”

Lana’s heart leapt when she saw a fellow elf kneel before her, “Creators lethallan, what are you doing?”

The elf only bowed lower as her forehead almost touched the floor, “You are back in Haven, my lady. They say you saved us. The Breach stopped growing, just like the mark on your hand,” 

Lana looked down at her hand and noticed the magic subduedly illuminating underneath her skin. It felt suppressed and dormant.

“It’s all anyone has talked about for the last three days.”

“Three days?!” shrieked Lana as she looked up from her hand.

To Lana, it felt as if she had merely fainted for a brief moment. However, instead of a minute or two, it had been days. And instead of waking up at the temple, she was back in Haven, in a cabin, and with an elf claiming to be her humble servant. 

To say Lana was wholly confused would have been the understatement of her lifetime.

Lana stared out the window of the cabin, watching the snow slowly trickle down as she tried to make sense of her rapidly evolving situation. While deep into her thoughts, the elven woman rose to her feet and nervously headed for the door, “...she said, ‘At once’.” and left the cabin in a great hurry.

Desperate for answers, Lana decided to get dressed and find Cassandra. Once changed out of the night dress, someone had put her in, and back into her old, filthy human clothes, Lana opened the door of the cabin and found herself standing in front of a horde of humans. One by one, everyone stopped what they were doing and stared with mouths agape.

As she slowly walked through the crowd of gawkers, she heard many whispering, “The Herald of Andraste! That’s her! That’s the Herald!”

Lana felt she needed to do a few double-takes to make sure she had heard them correctly, and to her astonishment it seemed there was no denying what she had heard. 

The Herald of Andraste? Mythal, ar halani lasa ghilan. I fear I may need it now more than ever before.

After awkwardly walking her way through the crowd and into the Chantry, Lana eventually reached the closed internal door within and immediately overheard people shouting on the other side. One voice she recognized to be Cassandra, and the other belonging to the senior Chantry gentlemen on the bridge days before. 

“Have you gone completely mad?” cried the Chancellor. “She should be taken to Val Royeaux immediately and be tried by whomever becomes Divine!”

“I do not believe she is guilty.” Cassandra insisted.

“The elf failed, Seeker. The Breach is still in the sky! For you all know, she intended it this way.”

“I do not believe that.” 

“That is not for you to decide,” demanded the Chancellor. “Your duty is to serve the Chantry.”

“My duty is to serve the principles on which the Chantry was founded, Chancellor. As is yours.”

Deciding that was as good of a time as any, Lana opened the door to find Cassandra, the Chancellor and Liliana standing around a large, wooden table. If they were going to be talking about her, she might as well be part of it. She was not going to allow these humans decide her fate. That’s what Lhoris would have done. 

“Chain her!” cried the Chancellor to the two Templars situated on either side of the door. “I want her prepared for travel to the capital, for trial.”

“Disregard that,” Cassandra ordered. “And leave us.”

And, so they did.

Lana stood awkwardly as Cassandra and Lilliana fought with the Chancellor over who had authority to do what. It was a dual, where their weapons of choice were their words. Each sentence cutting their opponent down precisely where they knew it would cause the most pain.

Suddenly and unexpectedly, a loud bang filled the room and Lana noticed Cassandra pointing to a thick, ancient book on the wooden table between them.

“You know what this is, Chancellor. A writ from the Divine, granting us the authority to act,” Cassandra paused as she looked about the room. “As of this moment, I declare the Inquisition reborn,” and walked towards the Chancellor threateningly. “We will close the Breach, we will find those responsible, and we will restore order. With or without your approval.”

Cassandra, having clearly won their verbal-duel, left the Chancellor with no other option but for him to leave the room defeated. Although she had been victorious, Cassandra did not look happy about it. 

Liliana turned to Lana and explained, “This is the Divine’s directive: rebuild the Inquisition of old. Find those who will stand against the chaos,” and then sighed with a heavy heart. “We aren’t ready. We have no leader, no numbers, and now... no Chantry support.”

As a Dalish elf, Lana's knowledge was understandably focused on elvhen culture, history, and magic. Up until recently, she never had any reason to know about human history. However, considering the situation, this had needed to be rectified. 

Lana was pleasantly surprised to find that, despite her numerous questions, Cassandra and Liliana seemed more than happy to divulge their understanding of the ancient writ and answer all of Lana’s immediate questions as best they could.  

“The Chantry will take time to find a new Divine, and then it will wait for her direction.” advised Liliana.

“But we cannot wait,” insisted Cassandra. “So many grand clerics died at the Conclave,” looking fiercely towards Lana. “No, we are on our own. Perhaps forever.” and then Cassandra turned her glare from Lana’s eyes to the dormant magical mark on her hand.

With her hand extended, like equals, Cassandra regarded Lana as she asked a heavy question with ease, “Help us fix this Mistress Lavellan, before it’s too late.”

The moment had demanded an immediate response, and with no time given to mull-over the decision or to find some way to escape this madness, Lana looked down at the Seeker’s hand and took a deep breath as she stepped forward, and shook Cassandra’s hand in agreement. 

Cassandra and Liliana then excused themselves so that they could inform the others, which meant leaving Lana alone in the room.

Immediately, Lana regretted her decision.

What. The. Fuck. Have. You. Done?!

When Cassandra asked her to help seal the Breach days before, Lana naively assumed her responsibility would end then and there. 

But now, Lana had agreed to become apart of this human ‘Inquisition’. 

You fool! Why are you like this? You should be heading back home so the Keeper can find a way to remove this damn magic from your hand! Not keep helping these shems!

Lana then looked down at her hand as her heart thrashed around inside her chest, and fear roared in her eyes.

As each moment passed with Lana staring into her palm, she slowly realised the full weight of her responsibility and the true reality of the situation. Her responsibility and role in this mess was far too great to ignore, no matter how hard she willed it away. No matter how nauseous her decision made her feel. No matter how harshly she scolded herself for the decision she made just now. 

This Breach threatens not just these shems, but the whole of Thedas… which includes everyone back home. The Keeper. Tamara. Lhoris. Everyone. 

And with this mark…

This mark is the only thing that is able to seal these tears in the Veil. So what choice do I really have? If I run, what does that say about me? Could I honestly leave knowing I’m the only one capable of sealing these tears? What would the Keeper say? 

Lana closed her eyes, took a deep breath to calm her nerves, and walked out the room closing the door behind her. 

She would tell me to stay. She would tell me to take this as an opportunity to mend the bridge between the shems and the elvhen. Show the shems that the Dalish are capable of helping others beyond our kin. 

As Lana slowly walked through the Chantry, she began admiring the peacefulness within. The Chantry sisters praying quietly in front of the dimly lit candles, the hushed ambiance, and the small trickle of sunlight creeping through the windows above its great doors. 

She would tell me that I can do this. That I have the fire of mamae and the caution of papae. That if I’ve made it this far, then I can do what comes next. Helping these shems is the right thing to do.

Once Lana exited the Chantry, she found herself once again in front of a crowd of on-lookers. However, this time Cassandra, Liliana, Josephine Montilyet and Commander Cullen immediately turned and gestured for her to join them in formation as they officially announced the rebirth of the Inquisition. 

Okay, Keeper. Then that is what I’ll do. For you and for the People. I will help fix this mess. For I am a proud, Dalish, elf. Arlathvhen, Mythal ar lasa ghilan.

Elvish to English Translation: 

“Mythal, ar halani lasa ghilan” = Mythal, help me and guide me

“Arlathvhen, Mythal ar lasa ghilan” = For the love of the People, Mythal guide me.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

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Halla & Wolf Series

[angelliliana28]

Understanding the Self (Chapters 1-11)

Name: Angel Liliana R. Cataytay

Section: BSBIO 21A

Subject: Understanding the Self

INTRODUCTION

Understanding the self is not simple for it must take time and effort because it is the essence of what it means to be a human being. Time, for it is not an instant thing that just comes to you when you want to. It is a gradual process that will take a lifetime to be attained or even a lifetime would not be enough for a person to have that understanding of one’s self. Effort, because it is not a simple task. It needs the struggle and the determination of a person to be able to grasp the true meaning of his or her self. The contents of this blog are a brief abstract of what I have learned and my reflection from the subject Understanding the Self, focusing on the self from different perspectives and different aspects that make up the self.

1 Philosophical Perspective of the Self

Searching for the true nature of the self has been a matter that can be traced back from the ancient times until the present days that a lot of concepts about the self were published and introduced. These concepts were introduced by various philosophers who were too inquisitive that they started to question what is the true concept of the self. Well, philosophers are people who keeps asking questions so it is not a wonder why they keep looking for answers to questions about the self. They have that desire to unveil the truth of the human nature especially, the true meaning of the self that they proposed a lot of ideas that were reasonable and relatable for me and a few that are somewhat not that logical for me.

From what I have understood from this chapter, it mainly introduced different ideas of philosophers in order for me to comprehend first that there are a lot of concepts about the self that there is really no definite one and that it is dependent on the individual’s own intrinsic understanding of one’s self. These various insights of great philosophers can be used as a guide, especially for a young person like me to be able to have a concept of my own about the self and of course to help me widen my perspectives on understanding the self.

 2 Sociological Perspective: The Self as a Product of Society

Understanding the self does not only relies on the person alone. We cannot deny the fact that self is certainly is a product of the society. In a sociological perspective, the self we express is influenced by the people around us, by the society that we are living in, by the groups and institutions that we belong to that sometimes it confuses us on who is the real us from the various self that we displayed to the different types of people that surrounds us. 

This chapter, similar to the first chapter, presented some concepts about the self, in the sociological perspective. What I have learned in the chapter, is that the concept of self cannot be separated to humanity or the society, especially when humans are social beings. That to better understand one’s self, we must relate it to the people around us and to the people’s understanding about us and the relationships that we have with them, Also, we can further develop our selves through interactions with others. The different concepts introduced in this chapter are greatly visible on today’s society because they are theories that are conceptualized based on the present society.

3 An Anthropological Conceptualization of Self: The Self as Embedded in Culture

Conceptualizations of the self are influenced by two factors, the biological and the cultural factors in the anthropological perspective of the self. Both have significant roles that helped on the development of self-understanding among the people in the society. Every individual is innate with specific set of genetic potentials and boundaries which affect his or her own construction of self and self-identity, combined with the cultural environment of an individual such as personal experiences, beliefs, norms, and values can also influence this construction.

What I can only emphasize in this chapter is that self is rooted with one’s culture. The ideas about the nature of self can be based on the understanding of the culture. And culture being diverse, conception of self can have different meanings in different cultures. While culture can influence the conception of the self, it can also be a cause of confusion for a few people. There are cases where an individual experiences identity struggles when there is an incongruity between his or her supposed identity and the identity forced by the society and other people.

4 Psychological Perspective of the Self

Studying the mind and personality of a person is complex yet interesting. That is what I have realized in this chapter. The chapter outlines different psychological theories that influence the way people understand the self. Some great psychologists were introduced in the chapter with their corresponding theories that explain and conceptualize the self. I have learned that this lesson can improve self-understanding and development by helping students like me to have a better comprehension about how our mind works and how this is one of the most important aspect of constructing a concept of the self. "The mind is everything." If we think about it, we cannot conceptualize the self, or anything at all, without our minds. So it is very important to give emphasis on the psychological perspective of the self because it is the most fundamental of conceptualizing the self.

5 The Western and Eastern Concepts of Self

This chapter taught me the differences between the western and eastern concepts of the self. It does not surprise me that the two greatly differ with each other for it is visible in the cultures of the two regions as shown in movies, books, news, etc. that it became a common knowledge for everybody. The western societies are described to be generally individualistic; the western self is deeply aware of itself, its individuality, sense of direction, purpose, and decision, it puts the self as the center of an individual, and the self belongs only to the individual and to no other. The eastern self is described to be relational rather than individualistic; the self is in relation with others, the society and the universe. While having different perspectives between the two, both contributed to the improvements in the conceptualization of the self and aim to combine the good elements of the different disciplines to totally understand the self.

6 The Physical Self

Physical self refers to the body. And that physical self is a product of heredity and the environment we live in. What makes this topic interesting for me is that during the reporting of the topic, I was coincidentally reading a web novel with a protagonist who was a fortune teller. He explains there how the face of a person can determine their marriage life and their partner. The theory of physiognomy was also stated in the novel which suggests that our physical characteristics such as our facial expressions and features, our body structures could be related to our character and personality. I’m not really into fortune telling, voodoos, and such but after I discovered that there are legit theories that the story based the protagonist’s fortune telling, I started to enjoy the novel more and learned a little bit about how our physical appearances can tell about ourselves which is really interesting. What only made me sad about the topic is that some people do not like their physical appearances that they tend to alter their natural features based on what other people said to be beautiful and ideal appearance. While change especially if it is for bettering the self can be a good thing, it is not, when we lose our true self and are not happy just to cater what others want to see.

7 The Sexual Self

Sexual self refers to sexual characteristics and behaviors. To summarize what I have learned from this chapter, let me tell you a story about two people whose names are Ana and John. Ana is a female while John is a male (if it is not obvious), their parents were able to determine their sex through their primary sex characteristics when they were born. (Ana = vagina; John = penis) The two of them are childhood sweethearts. And as they hit puberty, both of their secondary sex characteristics developed. (Ana = menstruation, enlargement of breasts, etc.; John = sperm production, testicular growth, etc.) As they grow older, they became a couple. Because they are really close with each other, they started to get intimate with each other. They kiss, cuddle, pet, and touch each other and discovered that these activities can arouse and turns them on. But of course, Ana and John didn’t do the deed and showed restraint for they are not married yet so that they won’t experience early pregnancy. When Ana and John had a stable job being healthcare workers, they decided to get married. When the night of their wedding day came, Ana and John go all the way. Fortunately, to satisfy each other, they searched Google and studied about the phases of sexual response, because during college, Ana and John once listened to their professor how important it is to know about this matter. Since the both of them are healthcare workers, they heartily volunteer on conducting symposium on sex education in small provinces and towns outside the city. They wanted to promote safe sex through the method of contraception to prevent the increasing cases of STIs and early pregnancy in the country. They also want the people to know about the Reproductive Health Law to spread awareness about fertility control, sexual education, and maternal care. And they lived happily ever after.

This blog entry is inspired from the report of Rennek Dela Cruz during the discussion for Chapter 7 about the The Sexual Response Cycle.

8 The Material Self

Material self refers to one’s possessions. All of my possessions including my body, my clothes, the house I live in, my phone, my favorite pajamas and blanket, my eyeglasses, my family, my friends, and other tangible objects makes up my material self. There are some people that give much more importance to material possessions over intangible ones, which is considered as Materialism. And when we talk about consumerism, what enters my mind first is the statement “What you eat is what you are,” especially when material self is related to consuming and buying things to be able to possess these things. Lastly, when Belk’s statement about the material possessions being an objective manifestation of the self was explained, I unconsciously nodded my head to agree. As what was said that when we able to grasp the true meaning of the self, it is when we became contented and happy with our selves, and it is through achieving success. Material possessions can be a reflection of hard work and success and became a driving force for us to strive hard in achieving the goals in our lives.

9 The Spiritual Self

The spiritual self is the inner essence that connects us with a higher being. When I heard the title of this chapter, the very first word that comes to mind is spirit. And when I think deeper, the next word was religion. Which of course, surprised and didn’t surprised me at the same time because the two were really what this chapter talks about. The spiritual self is a very important aspect of the self because it is what connects ourselves with the things that are beyond this world. Spirituality refers to the search for the connectedness with a transcendence and through religion, we can express one’s spirituality, by praying, worshipping, rituals, and other ceremonial practices. Through this, people may find comfort, security and stability in times of sufferings. It was also said that only through suffering that we can find the true meaning and purpose of life.

10 The Political Self

Political self refers to the self that is defined by his or her political convictions. The simplest form of the political self is being a citizen because it is the most basic identification of a person with the nation. This identity comprises our rights, freedom, responsibilities and obligations in our country. Our citizenship can be influenced by the following, the family, church, school, media, government, and non-governmental organizations and is developed through socialization. In addition, political participation such as voting, joining a political party, or standing for elections can be an important aspect for the development of the political self.

11 The Digital Self

The digital self refers to the self that is expressed and shared with others through online interactions.

Presentation of the Digital Self may vary from person to person, some aims to be authentic and others not. Regardless, the self presentation becomes an attempt to impress by changing how the person projects himself/herself to the digital society. This makes the dissemination of personal information in the digital world inaccurate or in most cases, selective.

Despite the shortcomings of the online interactions- negative self presentation and impression management- significant applications of digital technology have caused more good than harm: helping humans to store volumes of information, enables efficient communication, etc. These developments allows people to keep in touch and be updated, however these may hinder with physical interactions and increase the occurence of identity theft, false information and fake news.

The use of digital technology can produce either positive or negative outcomes. And these outcomes rely on us humans: our usage and management.

image (1) from: (https://www.alamy.com/philosophers-philosophy-philosophical-philosopher-in-action-set-vector-illustration-cartoon-image331774858.html)

image (2) from: (https://www.netclipart.com/isee/Jwwboi_annual-meeting-feb-people-cartoon-png/)

image (3) from: (https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/making-change/201308/all-self-improvement-starts-here%3famp)

image (4) from: (http://bsix12.com/east-meets-west/)

image (5) from: (https://www.vectorstock.com/royalty-free-vector/people-looking-at-mirror-reflection-self-vector-29209877)

image (6) from: (https://images.app.goo.gl/eXhiXXvSPvCaRJdg6)

image (7) from: (https://neurosciencenews.com/files/2020/03/experience-possession-happiness-neuroscienews.jpg)

image (8) from: (https://www.freepik.com/premium-vector/cute-young-boy-cartoon-meditation-pose_6297093.htm)

image (9) from: (https://mantissocietystudycenter.blogspot.com/2018/02/fwd-todays-best-political-cartoons_16.html?m=1)

image (10) from: (https://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/s/social_mediums.asp)