#and like. the media i like has grown with me. i'm not still watching/reading the same stuff that i was as a kid

[piplupod]

i feel really bad that people have seen me love the TAZ podcast and assumed "oh that person must love dnd podcasts" and try to recommend me one. my brother has been trying to get me into a couple different dnd podcasts for nearly two years now and i have tried listening to some on multiple occasions and i'm sorry but i just cannot do it 😭

i only recently realized that I probably do not actually like dnd podcasts very much, i simply like the mcelroys vibes and interactions and Griffin's storytelling style (and Justin's as well - s.teeplechase was really enjoyable once they got going with it. maybe travis could be good but he'll need a lot more experience and practice before he's able to weave a good story together fdjskl)

but every time i try to say "ahh i just don't think I really enjoy dnd podcasts,,,," then they get all huffy with me because i like the mcelroys and the mcelroys don't play REAL dnd, oh how cringe, and I'm just like,,, yeah,,, thats the point,,,, it's interesting to listen to because they play fast and loose with the rules and focus mainly on the storytelling aspect and the character interactions,,,,,, which are the things that i actually enjoy,,,,

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

So I’m a minor (16 to be specific) and I frequently watch and read stuff with explicit sexual or 18+ content in it. I live in an extremely conservative Christian household and things like explicit fanfic are pretty much the only option I have for learning about sex that isn’t abstinence only. I do feel bad about it, especially when I see adults online say stuff like “oh i watched lots of inappropriate things as a teen that i really shouldn’t have” and it makes me feel like I’m ruining myself in a way that I won’t realize until I’m an adult? Right now I don’t see what the big deal is but i get the feeling that when i’m 24 or something I’ll wake up one day and be ashamed of this for some reason i’m not mature enough to know yet. Should I just stop and wait until I’m 18 to continue or what?

hi anon,

okay. I'm gonna hit you with something:

turning 18 does not actually change the way you feel about porn or sex or anything. the difference between being seventeen and 364 days and being 18 is nonexistent. there's not a magical switch that changes you as a person; that comes from lived experience. if you're 18 and your experience is still that porn and smut and what have you i something that you should feel bad about, it's still going to feel that way and a birthday won't change that.

look, the whole notion of "I saw [x] that I shouldn't have when I was young" is like. okay. so you saw something that was a little mature for you that you didn't quite get? awesome. did you die? no. most people's hangups about sexuality don't come from seeing a rogue titty when they were a teenager, they come from the culture that person was raised in that made seeing a rogue titty feel like something to be ashamed of instead of a completely natural part of life.

story time! when I teach my 4th-6th grade OWL classes (Our Whole Lives, great human development program) I always start by holding a meeting with the kids' parents. I've been doing this for seven years, and every time without fail some of the parents will recall seeing porn for the first time as a kid. these guys were kids when printed porn magazines were still a thing, so they were discovering them in all kinds of places - the bedrooms of their parents or their friends' parents, at bus stops, in the woods, once even stowed in some farm equipment. and they remember it feeling illicit and exciting, sure, and possibly making them confused or even horny for the first time in their young lives, but like... that's it. none of these people are irreparably damaged by seeing porn. in fact, they've grown up to be the kind of people who go out of their way to make sure their young kids are enrolled in a queer-friendly, body-positive, diversity-embracing sex ed class to counter stereotypes and misinformation they might receive elsewhere.

looking at things that arouse you is morally neutral. it can be a great way to help you learn about what turns you on, and even if it's not the best source of factual, realistic depictions of sex, it can still help you discover things - hell, I only figured out what the clitoris was by reading Young Justice fanfic (shout out Snaibsel).

you can't ruin yourself, at any age, with the media you like to consume. what makes you uncomfortable and anxious is the attitude you've been taught to have about that media, which is something that has to be actively unlearned, because it's certainly not going to just disappear on its own when you become a legal adult.

tl;dr obviously no one is making you watch porn and you shouldn't if it makes you uncomfortable, but if you drop it right now and come back when you're 18 don't expect to feel any different if you haven't done any more unpacking re: the conservative Christianity of it all.

[absolutebl]

Meet You At the Blossom - Watch Along

Maybe a trash watch? We will find out.

But first what do we know about this show?

Well, I can't for the life of me remember the title. The article placement it too weird so it will henceforth be called Blossom okay?

Here's what I learned from @renafire

Duck daddy!!!!! I bring news! China didn't kill the gays! Meet You at the Blossom is an HEA! Golden retriever XiaoBao x ice prince Huaien (who gets the shit stabbed out of him an awful lot for being a ML). A side CP of dumb, pretty bodyguard x eccentric doctor. The background plot was basically a bunch of middle age men fighting about the ML's long dead mother. Needles! So many needles! (It was practically a sickfic tbh) Flapping sleeves! Flowing hair! Poison! Politics! A villain weirdly into kites! Prisoners in chains you can easily slip your hand through! Dimples! Loyal bodyguards becoming family! It's not the best thing ever, but it ends happily! There was even a line about "true love has nothing to do with gender" which I feel like is a big deal for something associated with China?

This convinced me to watch, so I thought I'd just post it verbatim to convince you, too.

So I'd refused to watch Blossom because I assumed the leads would die or at least be torn asunder at the end, and that there would be no kisses.

So this Watch Along is going to be me eating crow.

China pretty much always does censored BL (when they do it at all) since 2017 or so. You can watch something like My E-Sports Genius Brother for the style of "happy but censored BL" that I've grown to expect from China. (Although I wouldn't necessarily recommend it.)

They didn't used to do this! Time once was that China was this chaotic minefield of tasty mess meets terrible tropes (like kidnapping, stepbrothers, rape, whipping boy, and dub con). I had a weird love for it at the time because it was the Wild Wild World of BL beck then and I didn't know to expect better.

I come from 90s Yaoi. Remember?

Ah the bad old days. (You can read a history of CBL here. Not updated in ages.)

Where was I?

So, what I knew about Blossom was that it was a Wuxia BL and that it was made with Thailand, or for Thailand, or something to do with Thailand (there is Thai script on the promo material) and that it wasn't being distributed inside Mainland China. (I still worry about the actors but that's kinda a natural state for me and BL outside of Japan.)

Outside of China Blossom got wide distribution showing up everywhere iQIYI (China based), Viki (Japan based), Gaga (Taiwan based) WeTV (US Based) and YouTube (Thai Channel Artop Media is serving it).

It also looks like Heavenly is involved and they are Korea based. So like, everyone had their mitts on this thing. We live in crazy times.

Okay so, here are my 20 expectations:

Pony tails with a ribbon or two

Lots of questionable older tropes, especially dub-con & kidnapping (the herb that makes you horny maybe?)

Flowing filmy robes wafting everywhere

EXTREMELY PRETTY men, costumes, make up, setting... well, everything

No consent whatsoever

Pokey pokey, but not with the right kind of swords (a naked blade will be grabbed by a naked hand, sadly also not in the preferred way)

A bodyguard hotter than he has any right to be, wearing black

Floaty fighty fighty, including but not limited to: skid backwards through puffs of dust, a leap to land + one knee down + holding sword + head bowed, a twirly protect baby from baddies

A boat in a lotus pond

Poison, probably green, glittery if I'm lucky

Circular architecture

A big fuck off fan

Puppy-cat pairing

They wander through bamboo, sit down at the edge of a lake, probubly on a log

Wound tending, of course, because there will be lots of wounds

Someone pushed onto a platform bed (also kneeling in front of it)

A jail with straw in it

Older men with sparse beards detracting from the romance

Fruit or some other food being thrown

Some serious SLEEVE action.

Li Le as Zong Zheng Huai En

Probably the reserved unhinged one. Has sword, will prod.

He has a solid track record of shows under his belt. So to speak. One wonders how they persuaded him to do BL. He sure is pretty tho.

Wang Yun Kai as Jin Xiao Bao

The son of the wealthiest man in the Jiangnan region, probably the cheerful cute one.

He's an entirely green actor.

Most of the cast is from mainland China, with the exception of Achi Sukonlaphat Sribubpha, who is Thai (obvs) and under Artop Media.

Nancy Chen is directing

She is a Taiwanese director and screenwriter, who directed HIStory 4 and HIStory 5 (neither all that great) and was behind very queer friendly Pappy & Daddy.

I wouldn't call her a stellar director. I would say I've been reserving judgement, but if you pin me down I'd call her Taiwan's New.

Pitch

Xiao Bao (cute) falls in love with icy, white-robed stunner Huai En due to an unexpected meeting. Discovers she is actually a boy (and a baddie). Hijinx ensue.

Adapted from the novel Hua Kai You Shi Tui Mi Wu Sheng 花开有时, 颓靡无声 by Shui Qian Cheng 水千丞

Co-production with China and Taiwan. But the country of origin is listed as Thailand.

12 Episodes, 40 min each (or so) for a total fresh content run time of 8 hours.

Aired: Jul 11, 2024 - Aug 15, 2024 on iQiyi, Viki, WeTV, Gaga

Shall we get started?

I had a surfeit of options since Viki, Gaga, and iQIYI all had Blossom. I like Viki's interface best, want to support Gaga the most, but in this case, I opted for iQIYI because... screen shots. So it's all your fault.

EPISODE 1: Nicknames, pretty men, dimples, twirly, stabby, floof!

I don't like the intro music, it's too slow and tinkly, but classic for the genre I suppose. Still I'm fast forwarding through all the falling cherry blossoms.

All right. Now it's about time for... YES...

Emperor Infodump

Chancellor of Extraneous Explanations

As You Know Bo

Sorry sorry. The puns must flow.

The deets: layabout emperor = chaos & suffering. New emp = strong & popular but his baby bro wants to rule. New emp exiles bro to obscurity. New emp = good ruler. Order established through patriarchal dominance. Children laughing in the street. Got it.

I will not be remembering names, FYI.

We open on kid in trouble over a kite killed(?) by baddie.

Enter pretty spangled skippy puppy McDimples. I shall call him Dimples. Dimples = spoiled rich kid having trouble finding a wife - presumably because they all know he gay.

Enter hottie evil cut-glass cheekbones McPoutypants. Haven't decided what I shall call him. It'll come to me.

Extremely pretty men. CHECK.

Ooo, a big hat on horse back!

Of course, how could I not have had that trope on my checklist? My bad.

And a bunch of assassins slow-dropping out of trees like lazy fruit. I forgot that, too.

I gotta say, fairy prince or high elf is not a bad moniker for twirly-sword cheekbones supreme.

Floaty fighty fighty! CHECK

Oh, I thought they'd go in for crossdressing at the very least but I guess they went for Dimples is an idiot instead. Interesting choice. I see we also have the "baby is a clumsy bunny" trope all set to deploy. Carry on.

Grab the sword and skid through the dirt. CHECK!

And a fainting!

Pony tail with ribbons. CHECK

Dimples might be a bit too much of a prat and an idiot for me.

[Have begun watching at 1.25 speed. Don't fault me.]

I always find the orange/yellow eye makeup that Cdramas put on characters of questionable morality fascinating. Why those colors specifically? And why eye makeup specifically?

We arrive home. It fancy. Daddy doesn't want an unknown lady for his baby (silly daddy, ladies are for ladies, boys are for boys).

Everyone acknowledging that elf prince is, in fact, The Prettiest is very pleasing to me.

Meanwhile, there is some kind of list/stuff/thingy and Prince Shen wants it and is a bad guy, maybe? I can't remember names from the beginning so I have no idea what's going on with the plot but also, it is only going to get more convoluted. Plus the weekend is coming so I'll eventually be drinking and watching this. Plot is for people who don't like BL. And don't have six bottles of sake in their fridge.

Snicker.

Where was I?

Oh yes. Judiciously NOT following the plot.

Dimples and his 2 enablers seem to share about 1/3 of a braincell between them. But they're sincere about it.

Engage secret identity trope and the expected cross dressing.

Ooo Shen is The Prettiest's uncle? Damn it I'm trying to follow the plot again. Must not get sucked into plot. This is a Cdrama therein lies madness. Ah, Prettiest is the son of the emperor's exiled younger bro? Got it.

Twirly protect baby from baddies! CHECK

And that's episode 1 in the bag. In the sheath?

My thoughts so far:

This couldn't be more exactly what I expected if it tried. I mean it is trying. And it's succeeding in being a Wuxia BL. So. Yay! Performing to the packaging. I appreciate that in a show.

I'm looking forward to more.

(On the advice of one of my spies I've switched to watching on YT when I can, YT and Gaga are supposed to have the better subs than iQIYI and Viki. That said I found iQIYI's serviceable.)

EPISODE 2: Checking a bunch of stuff off my list in rapid succession

Poisoning?

No. Sex herb? CHECK

Discovery that she is in fact he?

Dominance Tussle? Dub con? Rape? Already? CHECK

Well that came fast (presumably so did he).

There’s a lot happening all at once at the beginning of just ep 2. 

It’s an ACCOUNT BOOK that’s causing all this fuss? Hilarious. 

Enter the anticipated hottie (bodyguard? spy?) in all black wearing a hedgehog. CHECK

(I didn’t expect the hedgehog, I have to admit.)

Oh is the single brain cell society is trying to grow additional brain cells? That's not gonna work.

Cheekbones is still the prettiest.

Oh HELLO stern grabby Daddy not-older brother of yummy. We likey.

Who do you belong to?

Why do you have The Biggest Sleeves?

Do I take that as a sign of gayness?

Please? 

Ooo looks like I’m right. 

Also this is very silly.

And "I never said she was a woman."

It’s just so funny.

OH NO!

Stern prince bro is leaving already?

I only had Grabby McDaddy for a very short length of time. I already miss him. 

Meanwhile, Dimples apparently has no compunction about being in love with a man, we blew through a bisexual identity crisis while I wasn't looking, and now we exist inside the gay=okay bubble? I did not expect The Bubble(tm) to show up in a Wuxia, but I guess this is a BL universe and we all just float around in it… 

Cheekbones is a bit of an asshole. Quite apart from the, ya know, bit of rapey rape thing.

I also did not have absolutely terrible VO dubbing on my bingo card. I forgot about that one in Cdramas.

EPISODE 3: Distracted by the pretty

Some kind of dark past for dimples and his little (not blood ) sister. 

Sniff test, the greatest trope of 2024 apparently. Nice to see the execution of a modern trope in a vintage style BL.

Aa ha! Kneeling next to a platform bed. CHECK

And more poisoning and drugs.

Wound tending. CHECK

Aweeeee Dimples is worried about Cheekbones! How cute.

Also, the ice queen appears to be melting.

Ooo. More sexitimes? Consensual this time. Okay. I guess Taiwan did get its nuts all over this show. (Honestly, that was a mistype but I'm keeping it in.)

The bit with all the bodyguards was great.

And my love for Mr. All-Black Clued-in Hottie persists.

We are now in the “does he like me back?” phase of the high school narrative. We are also in the "do I like him at all?" part of the narrative. Suddenly, this is an angsty YA. 

Ice queen has melted and is now turning into jelly. (Can you tell I’m very pleased with myself and this metaphor?) 

And now, Dimples is sick?

Boy, is this fast moving! I have to say, that is something I did not expect at all. Usually Cdramas are much slower than this.

I do love how shameless D imples is. It’s kind of delightful. He’s definitely in his bisexual awakening slut phase.

Cheekbones is also a doctor, apparently. Useful man. 

In other news: I would really like to add a full length crossover wafting robe into my wardrobe. I have no idea why I feel compelled by such a thing.

EPISODE 4: Gay sleeves AT last

Not a lot happened in this episode. Mostly flirting. More backstory and plot that doesn’t really matter. Presumably this intended to be character motivation?

We do not need him to be motivated we need him to be pretty. Understand the brief please.

Why no more floaty floaty sleeves?

Oooo, because sleeves in gay! CHECK

I did like the scene of the blood being cleaned up after the assassination attempt(?). It’s kind of nice to see that depicted for a change. I always worry about all that blood on that nice stone work.

Oh the handholding it was very cute.

Ice queen has melted and now turned entirely to jelly. Very very jelly.

Dimples is so stupid proud of his tall deadly wife. It's flipping adorable in a very goofy way.

I guess Cheekbones has come around and now Dimples has officially been claimed, multiple times and in multiple ways. He can't change his mind or anything now. Trouble is afoot...

asleeve?

ahead...

ahem.

I'll stop now.

EPISODE 5 - It is a Thing I guess?

OMG Cheekbones just loves his stilly bint of a bf. It’s absolutely absurd. The ultimate puppy/cat pairing.

I love it that he’s just casually walking around with a knife sticking out of his back and only cares that baby may have gotten a splinter in his finger.

Now we are in the vows portion of the early romance. I am assuming betrayal is coming soon? 

Grabby McDaddy! I missed you! Here to perform the part of Basil Exposition I see? No grabby for me? Sad. Unfortunately, if you aren’t flirting with a man I’m going to be fast forwarding. Although your sleeves are very nice.

Uh oh, Dimples is in trouble. 

Okay that was that. No screen caps, I lazy.

EPISODE 6 - DOOOMMMM

Oh lovely. More rape. I guess Dimples went looking for that response? Is that the implication? Does Dimples have a rape kink? What is with this show? 

No brothels for a baby I guess.

It’s not gay... it’s poison? 

It’s not bisexuality... it’s the slut herb? 

The single brain cell club is now the wailing fates. 

I guess cutting off a man’s hand out of jealousy is no biggie? Well this is a BL. Jealousy is the #1 excuse!

Fighty floaty blood spatter death! This time on wooden planks. Those are impossible to get clean. 

Meanwhile, there’s a lot of backstory and stuff I don’t care about, and probably can’t follow even if I did care about it.

I don’t like the Emperor at all. But then I don’t think I meant to. I am a little shocked that there aren’t more men with sparse beards distracting from the romance. But I guess this is a BL, they go for youth even in wuxia.

EPISODE 7 - You know what they say about a man with big sleeves?

Oh, Daddy McGrabby is back and he's a good guy (?)! He’s also in love with Dimples. 

Oh no!

What is this sensation I feel being thrust upon me?

Is that…? Is that second lead syndrome?  I think it is.

Oh well, it was fated the moment I saw the length of his... sleeves in episode 2.

Meanwhile?

Dimples gets tortured by acupuncture. 

Poisonings are always so elegant and classy in Cdramas.

Blah blah captured rescued captured rescued again sort of. Cheekbones is now seriously imperiled. We swap one for the other in Grave Danger (TM).

Enter the Divine Doctor character! Who (Dr) I have been told reliably by previous witnesses is A Favorite. I do love this particular archetype (quirky healer wise beyond his years - sometimes actual immortal. ) I am prepared to be delighted.  

EPISODE 8 - Divine Doctor is Emperor of the Gays

The divine doctor and 1/3 brain cell is not a pairing I thought was going to happen. Frankly it doesn't seem like the writers thought about it much either.

But it did make me laugh out loud.

It’s fantastic. I love them. I love this for me. I love a secondary couple for this show. Carry-on.

I LOVE THE DOCTOR SO MUCH. 

Everyone was absolutely correct. He is the best character. He is my favorite. He is openly gay and a troublemaker and absolute queen. And I adore him forever. No notes.

King Emperor behavior!

The evil crown prince has a crush on Daddy McGrabby. With good reason, he does have the biggest sleeves.

(I have a crush on Daddy McGrabby.) And he clearly likes brats, so I think the crown prince is in with a chance, actually.

(Not me, sadly. Despite the rumors I am not a brat. I make no case for this.)

EPISODE 9 - The Plot Thickens like Shampoo

Oh, Cheekbones is the new crown prince? We have a whole Snape situation going on here?

And finally Cheekbone knows what is happened to his poor little tortured Dimples. (oof that acting tho. before you say "what acting" i KNOW.)

In all honesty, I’m quite engaged by the drama of the show at this point and kind of losing my snark because of it. Don't get mad at me.

It’s not a bad show. I mean it’s a melodramatic soap opera, but that’s to be expected. It's so soapy it's like one of those extra foamy soap dispenser soaps.

To be entirely fair most gay men of my acquaintances have very similar relationship trajectories. Minus some of the casual murder (aside from character assassinations of course). 

EPISODE 10 - Oh Noes All Round

Not enough of my beloved divine doctor emperor of the gays. But you can’t have everything. 

Oh noes, my babies are fighting. 

But he brought you a big thistle! Don't fight!

Oh they get to kind of make up, or something. It’s sweet. Puppy Dimples accidentally caught himself a psychopath. To be fair tho, all cats are psychopaths at heart.

Oh noes Daddy McGrabby is planning on killing Cheekbones. No Daddy. Not the Cheekbones!

The cheek kiss from Cheekbones was so romantic. Normally I’m not a huge fan of this particular smooch, but under these circumstances it was very good.

EPISODE 11 - So Many Gay Emperors no one cares about the actual emperor

I wish I could shut somebody up by a simple double tap to the collarbone. It’s like the wuxia version of a block feature on tumblr.

Meanwhile, the part where 2/3 of a brain cell are comparing how hot their respective fierce gay emperors are to each other is truly hilarious. I actually clapped.

This is so ridiculous.

Epic eye roll from the remaining 1/3 of a brain cell. And I have to say I’m on his side in this matter.

Oh noes Daddy McGrabby is not, in fact, on the side of twrew lurve after all.

How sad. 

EPISODE 12 - The Bisexual In the Bathtub & other nursery rhymes of my youth

I love this silly bint of a bisexual in the bath between two fierce gay dudes who are about to give their life force to keep him alive.

Someone definitely once drew this as Lord of the Rings fanart 20 years ago.

I guess our single brain cell has been torn asunder. And Daddy McGrabby never did get his man.

Next series?

Bing him back to me.

With EVEN BIGGER SLEEVES!

IN CONCLUSION

All cards on the table?

This was undeniably a wuxia and most definitely a BL.

Evil stunning princely Cheekbones meets and falls in love with the bisexual Disaster dimples of his dreams. There’s a lot of floaty fighting, tangled plot, and overworked emotions. From start to finish it was exactly as it claimed to be, including more than the expected amount of sexual claiming.

I’m not wild about the wuxia genre, but I will tell you what I do like:

Very pretty men in flowing robes + eye makeup + hair ribbons wafting about stabbing and kissing each other plus ridiculous soap opera machinations. I also like cheekbones and dimples. AND I love a stupid gay sleeve, okay? There was also truly epic levels of stink-eye, and that too is to be lauded.

This show left me grinning like crazy. Was it great? Not really, but it was a great experience and I enjoyed it immensely.

I’m so glad you all persuaded me to watch it in the end.

Thank you! 

I should probably give it an 9/10 because I had such a good time watching it. But I’m not going to, because it isn’t a 9/10 drama. It had a lot of flaws chewing at that pretty (boom mic riddled) scenery, not to mention all the rapey rape.

It’s a solid 8/10

(source)

[jesncin]

Where the Wild Things Are, morals for kids, and queer art

One of my favorite things about this children's book is that the way adults respond to it is a great litmus test for how much they get kids.

At it's core, Where the Wild Things Are is a book about a tantrum. Max misbehaves, is sent to his room without supper, imagines a world where he gets to be in charge and let all his monstrous rage out, but when he's had his fun? "Max the king of all wild things was lonely and wanted to be where someone loved him best of all" he says goodbye to the beasts and makes his way back home where "he found his supper waiting for him. And it was still hot." It's still hot. The book describes his journey into and out of Where The Wild Things Are as taking "years, weeks, days" that he can smell his supper "far away across the world" but that's because everything feels so big when you're a kid. Your tantrums feel like they last an eternity but by the time you're back from it, your supper is still hot.

Deep down, Max understands that his mom sent him to bed without supper because she cares about him. Because when he's out having a wild rumpus with the beasts that follow his every command, he still sends them to bed without supper. Max might not understand why, but he sure does repeat that action to the beasts he watches over as king. Supper is still waiting for Max when he returns because his mom understands that even though Max misbehaves, it's not coming from a place of malice. It's a tantrum, and kids come back from that. They don't mean the cruel things they say or do.

So when I see grown ups read this book and go "what the heck?' This book is about a spoiled jerk who gets to boss monsters around and come back home to a nice meal? Where's his punishment??? He didn't learn a thing! What's the lesson?" I'm just amused. "he threatens his mom and she lets that slide??" Dude, the mom calls him a "WILD THING!" and he responds "I'LL EAT YOU UP" a child can't threaten you. "what if this book influences my child to act out, thinking they'll be rewarded??" Kids are going to act out no matter how you raise them.

This book has stayed with me because it's pretty to look at, it scared me, understood me and as I grew older I learned that the author, Maurice Sendak was queer. Sendak was also the son of Polish-Jewish immigrants escaping the Holocaust. He never told his parents he wasn't straight. "All I wanted was to be straight so my parents could be happy. They never, never, never knew." Adults constantly demand moral closure from kids' media. To them, kids have to be taught and disciplined and influenced into the right behaviors. But Where the Wild Things Are isn't that kind of book. This book gave me a space to let out my messy, ugly, tantrum feelings without being judged or punished for it. I didn't have to learn a lesson. I got to go to Where the Wild Things Are and come back when I'm ready.

I'm a children's book author now, and there's something so special about being able to connect to another queer creator through their work like this. My book also talks about how important it is to have the space to just feel and make sense of change. A lot of queer art is inherently challenging. To know that even the stuff we craft to nurture kids can still confound and challenge their parents? "What if this book influences our kids??" some things about queer art never change.

[nipuni]

Time for an old school blog post, Hello!

Just various updates about life and shows and clothes and some photos! Adding a read more cut because I talk too much 😊

Happy equinox everyone!! The mild weather has been wonderful for daily park walks. We have been taking our meals outside as often as we can to make the most of it before summer scorches the land and all life. The longer days allow for a lot more wandering too but the imminent return of the heat is also making the longing to move up north worse by the day. We miss the choppy ocean and seaside cliffs 😭 We love the silence and the rain and the nippy sea breeze!! it's like being suspended in early spring for half the year and a rainy autumn the other half, Ideal if you don't mind humidity, but that's what wellies and flat caps are for. We have been looking for properties to rent to show up everyday so for now we lie in wait.

Speaking of nature, a few months ago we discovered a free app called Plantnet that you use to take and upload photos of plants, trees, flowers and it will identify them for you. You keep a log with their locations and can share them too to help contribute to each local biodiversity database. It feels like a pokedex for plants. There are many apps like this one to choose from too. It's been so fun learning what all these plants are called and memorizing them! I recommend it, is like a little educational side quest to take on while stretching your legs and getting some fresh air. This is not an ad I promise lmao I just think it's neat! kind of sad feeling the need to clarify that.

This weather is also making me want to start making outfit posts again! It's been so long since I made any!! my winter wardrobe is mostly long wool coats or capes and boots so the inspiration wasn't there but now I'm ready to pull out all my stuff back from under my bed storage and experiment again 👏 I've also been meaning to share some of Nicolas outfits for ages too so there is more variety, could be fun!

Speaking of clothes, lately I've grown more and more frustrated with how poorly most clothes fit me to the point where I'm considering learning how to make them from scratch. I usually have to take in the tops and hem the bottoms but most things I try on are just built weird even if I fix the size, or maybe I'm built weird! I think it may be both. Nicolas also said he would love to learn along with me so we will probably embark on that adventure soon. OH and on a short tangent, I got myself a sort of binder-like top that flattens the chest a bit and I'm loving it! I'm very flat already but what little bust I do have has always bothered me when I dress and I've found I feel a lot more comfortable in this type of top. I'm glad I tried it out so if you feel similarly you may want to give it a go too, see how it feels!

On the media side of things we have also been watching more of David Tennant's work. We are still very much in love with him to an embarrassing degree, you can probably tell if you follow me anywhere, my likes on twitter alone give me away alksjdf and Nicolas isn't any better! if he used social media his would look the same lmao.

Since my last report we have watched and absolutely LOVED "There She Goes" we already want to watch it again honestly. The family dynamics for all his characters are always so real and refreshing!! Their relationship with their wives especially are always so believable in every series we've seen, the comfort and camaraderie, the banter and just friendship! You can tell they enjoy each other's company, it feels true. I love it so much!!

We also watched "Inside man" which was..a very stressful mess but David was incredible as always, also very hot and very pitiful which is always great, and Stanley Tucci was on it! so that's also fun.

Then we rewatched season one of Good Omens and the first 4 seasons of Doctor Who, with all the extra content like the Confidentials, deleted scenes, video diaries and more, they are just so good!! our list of favourite episodes keeps growing, season four is incredible, we are loving all these seasons even more the second time around!! Now we are probably going to start watching either Classic Who or Torchwood, along with more of David's work. We were trying to pick what to watch during dinner the other day and Nicolas was like 'damn, David is not in this though, I miss him' and lmao same so now we just watch one show without him and one with him right after to cope 😂

OH we have also been doing more historical reenactment! Since the last one in the 20's we jumped back to Regency times. We have been putting our outfits together for a ball soon and hopefully another one in autumn in the UK 😊 1800 is the farthest back in time we've been yet so it's been fun doing research, finding pieces and learning the dances in class but also very hectic. I'll share more about this soon!

Then we also have a couple of 1900 events coming soon, so I'll be sharing more Edwardian looks as well, our favourite era!!

Anyway I think that's all for now, thanks for reading to whoever is doing so!! I know this is long and not a popular blogging format anymore but I enjoy it a lot, maybe some of you do too 🥰 I will reply to some messages soon, I'm so sorry I'm so bad at keeping up with those!! I've read them all and cherish every word 🥺 Thank you for supporting my art and shenanigans as always!! I hope you have a great week!!

[lestappenforever]

My ask is maybe a bit silly, and would probably go in 'sanity check' category. It is about Max, and how he is perceived. If I understand correctly, it is said he is mad max, bad guy, aggressive… and similar. Now, I know teenagers are sometimes a bit crazy, and from what I read he was actually very badly treated by freaking adults, fellow drivers, when he first joined F1, so maybe then he was a bit aggressive, and it would be even understandable… but still it is difficult to even imagine that. Because Max I see (I am only following racing since last year) is nice, soft, funny, polite guy, still more looking like an innocent kid than an adult, even appearing naïve (unlike the sweet, adorable devil that is Charles!), and obviously so nice towards rookies (Oliver and Liam-who himself said it). So am I delusional and see what is not there or for some reason he is so vilified (I guess most coming probably from jealousy and Netflix crap…). Oh and one additional observation, he always looks so much softer and somehow cuddlier and cuter on photos from his streaming at home… What do you think? One final observation, then I will shut up  Sometimes it seems to me that all the Lestappen moments and specila connection maybe come from the fact that when Charles came to F1 Max finally had kinda his person there. Because he went form father abuse to fellow drivers abuse, but when Charles came to F1, he had someone he could have a real relationship with, even if they fought and were a bit sulky almost teenagers still in the beginning, they got over it as they grow up. But Charles is his genuinely healthy, good, fun, friendly relationship. Having spent time as kids growing up of course also deepens the bond and friendship, but also mutual respect and understanding each other’s qualities. I don’t know if explained it well enough… P.S. I LOVE your fics!!!!

Hi anon, and thank you so much for this ask! I don't think it's a silly ask at all.

All these "Mad Max", being too aggressive, being mean claims etc. stem from two things:

1. When Max made it into F1 almost 10(!) years ago, he was 17(!!) years old. He was a kid — a literal child. And he was a cocky, arrogant little shit at that, as any kid would be making their debut in such a prestigious sport at such a young age.

2. Max haters who will hate him forever, no matter what, no matter why. They don't even need a reason; they're just determined to hate him and will do so forever.

But the thing is, and his haters especially seem to love to ignore this fact, Max was seventeen years old when he made his F1 debut. He was, for all intents and purposes, a child. I watched Max make his F1 debut, and I watched and read the way he was viewed and the reception he received from his fellow drivers, the media, and fans alike. And I watched these grown-ass men already on the grid when Max joined welcome him by treating him like shit. These adults were so threatened by this kid who came into the sport without having to go through the same ranks almost every other F1 driver has to go through to get there, such as several years in F3 and F2 (Max only spent a year in F3 and skipped F2 altogether), that they did virtually nothing to make him feel welcome. Quite the opposite, in fact. It was so fucking sad and infuriating, and I lost a lot of respect for many drivers because of it. And if I'm being honest, anon, that's what made me decide Max would be my favorite driver. I can be incredibly spiteful when I want to be, and watching Max get slammed and slandered from so many directions from the very beginning made me want to be very spiteful. That's what made me decide that I was going to support that kid like hell. And I haven’t looked back or regretted it since.

I cannot stress this enough, and I know I've said it so many times before already, but: Max Verstappen was a child when he made it into the world of F1. But he's not a child anymore, which a concerning amount of people seem to be blissfully and willfully ignorant to. Max has grown and matured so much in the years he's been in F1. And, like most other people, Max Verstappen the adult is not the same person as Max Verstappen the teenager, or Max Verstappen the child. And he hasn’t been anything like his 17-year old self in a long, long time. But this, of course, is something his haters will never accept or acknowledge.

I truly believe, from the very bottom of my heart, that Max is always so nice and welcoming towards rookies, always willing to lend a hand or giving them advice, always going out of his way to praise and support them, because practically no one ever did that for him when he was a rookie. And that speaks volumes about his character and the kind of man he has grown into since making his debut.

You're not delusional at all, anon, and having only followed F1 since last year means it's not surprising that you don't see the very outdated and frankly incredibly incorrect persona the people who dislike Max will always keep trying to convince themselves and others is still him. Because it isn’t — not even close. Practically every single person who has worked with or been around Max in the past few years all say the same thing: that he's funny, easy-going, and one of the genuinely kindest people on the grid. And that means a hell of a lot more than the opinions of people who have never and will never know him, and have made it their personal, sad mission to hate him. So you keep holding on to the impression you have of him, anon, because that is a far more accurate representation than the image some people are so hellbent of painting of him. (He’s definitely not naïve, though, not even close.)

And I absolutely agree: he looks even softer and cuddlier when he's streaming at home! I love streamer!Max so much.

"When Charles came to F1 Max finally had kinda his person there". <- You are spot on with this, anon! I've talked about the special bond I think these two share in the past, like in this post, and so have many others. (@tsarinablogs @valyrfia @thearchercore to name a few - highly recommend checking out their blogs if you haven’t already!) It truly seems like they have never, and will never, see any other driver as a big a rival as the other, and the numerous accounts of their karting days from people who got to watch them battle first-hand from such a young age definitely backs up that claim. And I think that's so beautiful, and it's one of the many, many reasons why these two are so dear to me, and why other F1 ships will never be able to come close.

P.S. That makes me so happy to hear, anon, thank you so, so much. 🥹❤️

[tzilatza]

NATLA Review - spoilers

Woke up today still feeling annoyed after finished the Netflix ATLA remake last night, and I think I've figured out the core reason.

It's the fact that: If they had held truer to the original source material, we could have had a truly great show. I disagree with those calling it a complete disaster. The acting was good, great in some cases. The effects were very well done, the bending looked about as good as it can in a live action media. The scenery was lovely.

But what happened in the writer's room?! The way they just reveal all the back stories up front EVERY TIME is honestly insulting to the audience. It's like they're so terrified that smartphone culture has made the public so accustomed to instant gratification that they have no faith we will stick around and keep watching if they make us wait for anything.

They're also clearly terrified of complexity. One of my biggest gripes with this remake is Jet's story. They completely took out his plans to murder a whole town of innocents in order to get a few enemy soldiers. Now, Jet isn't my favorite character, but his story is so important. Because it is real. The world is full of people who have been so brought down by injustice that they lose their sense of right and wrong, and we need to see that on screen. If Jet is too complex for them, how will they handle Ba Sing Se in the second season.

This goes along the same lines as removing Sokka's sexist moments. They felt they had to do it to make him more 'likable.' Yet the writers themselves went full sexist on Katara's character. They've taken out so much of her spark, her righteous and justified anger, and they've done it because even in 2024, people expect women to be more passive to be palatable. Enough people have already commented on them removing Aang's choice to run away. Heaven forbid the main character not be an absolute paragon. Did y'all notice that they even made Hahn likable? Hahn?! What reason do you have for making Hahn likable Netflix?! His role in the narrative is to be an example of toxic masculinity that is clearly the bad choice compared to Sokka who has learned and grown out of his own.

Don't even get me started with what they're doing with the fire nation family, I'm not ready to tackle that. In general, I have no problem with Azula getting a little more backstory and humanizing, but why season 1? Throwing in all these extra scenes just sacrifices screen-time where they could've actually fleshed out the real season one plots instead of rushing through things at breakneck pace. (ex: Aang escaping Zuko's ship in about 2 minutes flat)

At the end of the day, the scenes I most enjoyed were those that held true to the original like the Blue Spirit sequences. They could've easily done more of this, held onto the important plot points and even more important character complexity, while maturing it for an adult audience. I'm not disagreeing with every change they made. Go ahead and take out the silly Nickelodeon gags, add cussing and more realistic violence to get your mainstream viewers. Go ahead. They could've easily made a darker more mature version of the show and still held onto all the old fans in my opinion. But claiming that you're making a 'more mature' version and then removing the complexity and subtlety because they didn't think viewers could handle it...

What makes me most sad is that there are a lot of people who will experience ATLA for the first time through this show. There are a lot of adults who are not willing to watch original ATLA because they refuse to acknowledge an animated series can be anything other than a kid's show. Those people will watch this and think it's the real deal, and that just makes me sad.

If you've read this far, a very sincere thank you for listening to my rant. If you're an OG fan who enjoyed it, I have no problem with you. It was a fun watch, I was just hoping for more. If you are a new viewer who has never seen ATLA before, I sincerely want to hear your opinions. Is it a great show to someone who isn't holding it against the context of the original? And do you plan to watch the original now?

[starglitterz]

serendipity. (vii)

─── chapter 7 ! ~ my bff thinks she’s sherlock holmes (…what?)

summary; when you, a waitress at the local coffee shop, are paired up with the new recruit scaramouche, you’re pretty sure both of you are going to get fired within a week. he’s just quit being a social media influencer and after being forced to work here to make ends meet, he’s ready to let everyone there know how much he hates it. the worst part? you can’t shake the feeling that you know him from somewhere. but as he slowly warms up to you, scaramouche realises that having a fresh start isn’t that bad after all, and perhaps the two of you meeting like this was pure serendipity.

a/n; hiii it's me again ! i'm so back >:) hope you missed serendipity bc i definitely did hehehe,,, also for further context on some details mentioned in this chapter, you should totally read cynosure 👀 (shameless self-promo LOL) anyways i hope u enjoy this chapter !!

warning(s); a lot of swearing, scuffed pics 😔

previous.┃masterlist.┃next.

please reblog w comments ! it helps a lot :)

private messages #1 !

phone call !

incoming call from kokomi at 1.30 p.m.

kokomi: hi, y/n! it's your lunch break now, right?

y/n: yep! i'm surprised you remember.

kokomi: hey! i just visited you the other day, my memory isn't that bad!!

y/n: yeah, yeah, whatever you say. anyways, what did you want to tell me? it sounded important.

kokomi: well… you know how we met childe and signora the other day, right?

y/n: yeah, i could barely believe they knew scara. i mean, this is the same guy who complains about the stray cats making a mess outside the cafe but still leaves leftovers for them. i wouldn't have expected him to have such famous friends.

kokomi: me too. and i actually wanted to talk to you about that.

y/n: why, what is it?

kokomi: i was curious about how scaramouche knew them, so i asked gorou to do a little digging.

y/n: what? kokomi, why would you do that?

kokomi: this guy shows up out of nowhere and ayaka hires him, and it turns out he has friends in such high places? it's suspicious!

y/n: what the fuck, kokomi? what's gotten into you? this is my colleague we're talking about. he's literally just some random guy ayaka hired, why do his friends matter? it's not like they're bad people!

kokomi: they might not be, but he is.

y/n: and what's that supposed to mean?

kokomi: check the link i just sent you.

y/n: fuck off, kokomi. i'm not dealing with this today. what's wrong with you?

kokomi: y/n, please just click it. i really think you need to see this.

you click on the link kokomi sent you - it's a youtube video titled 'the rise & fall of scaramouche'. you watch it in silence with kokomi still on the phone.

kokomi: you see? he was a drama youtuber and he got clout off of ruining other people's lives - he even got fired from genshin impact! when genshin threatened a lawsuit, he agreed to settle privately by deleting all his accounts. genshin must have paid to scrub all the traces of him they could from the internet too. i knew there was something fishy about him!

y/n: honestly, fuck you, kokomi.

kokomi: what?! why me?!

y/n: because who cares what his past was like? yeah, maybe he used to be a shitty person, and yeah he's still a pain in my ass, but he's changing. scara hasn't done anything bad since he started working here, i don't know why you're so against him.

kokomi: i just don't want you to get hurt, y/n. we all know you're still looking for that mystery guy from when you were younger, and this is the first time you've liked someone without mentioning that. i'm worried he's taking advantage of you.

y/n: get a grip, kokomi. i'm a grown adult, and you're not my mother. i can make my own choices and deal with the consequences.

kokomi: well forgive me for being worried about my FRIEND.

y/n: just… leave me alone. goodbye, kokomi.

call cut from y/n's end at 2.17 p.m.

private messages #2 !

twitter !

i'm curious, what do u guys think abt what kokomi did? are you on her side or y/n's side? i've personally experienced a lot of friends getting defensive whenever you point out anything wrong with their rs/bf so i guess this is partially inspired by that LOL

© starglitterz 2024. do not repost or modify in any way.

[yellowocaballero]

hi! i've been reading some of your older fics and was wondering if there's any merit in watching buffy for the first time in the year 2024

This may not be obvious, but this is actually an extremely complicated and highly subjective question. I'll try to go on for too long.

As background: my mother loved Buffy and its spin-off Angel growing up. It was our Bible (besides the actual Bible). Not kidding, she was on the forums and fan groups and wrote fanfiction for it and everything (These days, she's really into kdramas and Asian dramas, and calls me about how the Thai seem like big fans of gay people). So I'm quite biased.

BTVS is both a product of its times and ahead of its times. It was a show about feminism and the struggle of living in this world as a woman, when very few shows were doing that. It was the first show to have a long-lasting lesbian couple, and the first show to depict a kiss between them. For better or for worse, it was one of the codifiers of broody vampire boyfriend. It was pretty unafraid to be experimental in a lot of what it did. It had incredibly complex and nuanced character work and growth that I still aspire to. Spike's arc is still matched in quality only by Avatar's Zuko. Angel's long term arc, from Buffy to his spin-off series, still makes him one of the most complex characters on TV. It had the most complex depiction of depression on TV at the time and I still think it's one of the best. I think the show had very high highs.

It also had very low lows. Some of the feminism is problematic in retrospect. The sapphic couple has a rather famous element that was severely problematic. There are, overall, some deeply atrocious arcs that I can appreciate objectively but not in practice. Xander: a whole-ass character aged awfully. On a meta level, the workplace conditions were bad (thanks, Whedon.) There are no people of color. The spoiler's sake I won't go into detail on this, but in general the good stuff was so influential and the bad stuff was just awful.

I think these days people tend to brush off the entire thing because it's Whedon. That is more than fair. But I'd also say that Whedon & Buffy is extremely similar to Brian Michael Bendis & Ultimate Spider-Man. Bendis was fantastic at writing sassy, bouncy, permanently stressed-out teens - issue was, he wrote entirely different serious adult characters the way he wrote these sassy teens. Same with Whedon: the annoyingly constant quips are perfect for Buffy, because that's who the characters are. They're awful in Marvel, because Steve Rogers is not Xander. Kinda similarly, Buffy was genuinely feminist for 90s TV - issue is, Whedon has not grown or developed his views, and now his works feel so sexist (oh my fucking god why did you treat Natasha like that). After a certain point it's egotistical: you're writing like that because you're Joss Whedon and it's how you write, not because it's what's best for the characters and story. But it was really important to me to get the character voices right, and it's freaking difficult to endlessly write dialogue that distinct, full of voice, witty, and clever.

I think BTVS & Angel TV's greatest influence on my writing is how intensely character-driven both of those shows were, and how intricate the characters were. What every character did was something they would do, if that made sense. Even the stuff I hated to watch, that made me uncomfortable, was the culmination of so much (usually). I think I also picked up the constant wit and humor lol. On a personal level, the conversations I would have with my mother where she broke down the character motivations and composition of the story was my first exposure to looking at storytelling from an analytical perspective and a framework of critical analysis, which was an approach I carried into the rest of the media I consumed and that was the primary reason I was able to become a decent writer. Thanks, Mom. Have fun with your kdramas.

TL:DR: There is merit, especially if you care about good character work. There are things about it that may make you want to drop it, which is extremely valid. Season 1 is rough but interesting, Season 2 and 5 are the best, Season 3 is pretty good, Season 4 and 7 skippable, and Season 6 is........epic highs, epic lows......

[the-fiction-witch]

The Rat P2

Media - The Maze Runner Series Character - Newt Couple - Newt X Reader Reader - Y/n Rating - cute + Sad Word Count - 2631

Part One

I sat on the bus, holding Y/n close to me. Her head was resting on my chest, and her legs were over mine. I wanted to let her have more room, but we were short on space. I knew she must have been uncomfortable after being locked up in that cell for who knows how long, especially with our little one. I just wanted her to be as comfortable as possible. As I held her close in my arms, I couldn't help but feel a sense of warmth and comfort. Her soft Y/h/C hair, which had grown long and unkempt during her months of confinement, was now in my hands. I took my time, slowly running my fingers through her hair, gently untangling the knots and matting that had formed.

With each stroke, I could sense her body relaxing, as if the simple act of being cared for and tended to be enough to soothe her soul. It was a moment of tenderness and intimacy that I will always cherish. As I leaned down to kiss her forehead, I could feel the warmth of her skin and the softness of her hair. She looked so peaceful, her chest rising and falling gently with each breath. It was a long bus ride, and almost everyone else was asleep, except for Frypan who was focused on the road ahead. Thomas, on the other hand, was wide awake and buried in the phone, scrolling through the countless conversations they had had with Teresa. I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking as he read through each message, his face scrunched up in concentration. The hum of the bus engine and the occasional sound of someone shifting in their seat were the only sounds that filled the air. It was a moment of quiet reflection, and I couldn't help but feel grateful for the stillness, even amidst the chaos of our journey.

"You okay?" I asked,

"...Yeah," he nodded flipping the phone closed, "I just... feel like such a dick,"

"You didn't know Tommy," I told him,

"I imagine you feel like shit too?"

"Ohh you have no idea... how much of a dick I feel, I didn't believe my own girlfriend. I let them take her away. I didn't believe her, I thought she betrayed us, thought of her as a rat. The woman I love. I let them drag my pregnant girlfriend away screaming and crying thinking she betrayed us. I feel like an utter asshole."

"Yeah, I am so sorry for how I treated her. And for accusing you."

"It's okay Tommy," I nodded,

"I can't believe I never noticed." He sighed, "All this time, she was telling them everything."

"I don't get why, why would she sell us out like that? Why throw Y/n under the bus?"

"Teresa doesn't like her, never has."

"There a reason?"

"I think... differing opinions and mentalities." He chuckled, "Y/n has always been about making our life the best it can be, giving us the best future we can have."

"Even in the glade," I nodded, "She's always known that's what matters, those of us who are left, the price of one person is never worth it no matter what."

"Teresa is the greater good, that one person is worth the price if it buys something else." He sighed, "She would throw us all into the grinder if it would save that city. I just thought the girls didn't agree but I never thought Teresa would...."

"Neither did I." I sighed, "She ratted us out, to get us back in their clutches." I explained, "Let them know every plan just to let them pick us one one by one."

"She is going to get a talkin' too." He said putting the phone in his pocket,

"Can I watch?" I chuckled,

"Ohhh trust me it will be public,"

When he expressed his idea, I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. However, I didn't want to interrupt his train of thought, so I decided to remain silent and let him continue expressing his thoughts.

When we arrived back at the camp I kept Y/n close giving her tummy lots of little kisses, watching as Vince sorted places for the new kids.

"How are you feeling?" I asked her,

"I'm okay Newt," she nodded,

"You sure honey?"

"Mhm," she nodded,

"How's little baby?"

"kicking away,"

"Did they take care of baby while you were with them?"

"Sort of, had me on a lot of vitamins a lot of tests."

"Okay... can you tell me... what they did to you?"

"I don't want to talk about it Newt," She buried her head into my neck,

"You don't have to tell me, honey, It's okay. So long as you're safe now." I told her kissing her sweet little head, "I promise I will believe everything you tell me, I will never doubt you again for a moment, and I am going to take the best care of you." I told her kissing her tummy,

"Everything I say?" She giggled,

"Okay maybe not 'Everything', I do not believe you if you tell me the ocean is purple or you need to have bacon every day,"

"Awww," she pouted,

"Sorry honey I am not that foolish,"

"Fine," she giggled nuzzling up close,

"Do you... know about the baby?"

"At seven and a half months now, supposedly it's a little boy,"

"A little boy? Awwww!" I cooed, "Our little baby boy," I smiled kissing her stomach,

"TERESA!" Thomas yelled across the camp,

"Ooohh firework time." She giggled nuzzling into my neck as we got cosy and ready to watch,

"You! You were the rat!" He yelled as he walked up to her, of course, everyone came to gather and watch,

"Tom, what are you talking about?!" She protested,

"You were the rat! You've always been on their side!"

"No, I'm not!"

"Yes, you are don't lie! You've been trying to convince us to turn around and go back, the moment we left."

"Yes, becuase this is not safe for us!"

"Safe! Safe!"

"There are cranks! There are insane men! There is so much out here none of us are safe out here! what sticking around in tents waiting for a rust bucket seems safe to you!" She yelled,

"Safer than with them!" He yelled, "They experimented on us! locked us in a maze! tried to drain us for some dumb cure for some old fart to live another two days! They tortured Y/n!"

she shivered and moved closer so I held Y/n even closer kissing her cheek,

"It's okay honey," I whispered,

"They didn't torture her! she's their daughter and their rat they never hurt her!"

"LOOK AT HER!" He yelled, "You say she isn't tortured!" He yelled, "But you're the rat!"

"I'm not!" She yelled,

"Yes, you are! I have your phone!" he pulled the phone from his pocket and immediately her face went pale and nervous,

"Wh- where did you get that?!"

"So you admit it's yours?!"

"It is my phone but where did you get it..."

"Newt found it!"

"Well, Y/n must have been using it,"

"No, she didn't it's your name in the conversation,"

"You can't prove It's me,"

"You're phone. You're name. You're conversation Teresa!" He yelled, "Admit it! You're the rat!"

"Fine! Yes, I am! We should go back thomas! there are so many people we could help if we just go back! All of us!"

"You want to sell us all out for them!" He screamed, "Fine you wanna go back to them GO!"

"We should all go thomas-"

"NO! We are staying here, anyone who wants to go back to wicked can go with you but we are staying here. You! Are not welcome here!"

"But thomas-"

"NOT Welcome here! GO!"

"Fine!" she yelled as she turned and headed to pack up her tent,

Thomas sighed and came to sit down with us,

"How are you feeling Tommy?" I asked,

"... Like... I did something good for once," He sighed,

"I think you did do something good, if she wants to go back to them let her go, You can do way better than a rat Tommy,"

"yeah... at least now we'll all be safer."

As I stood on the boat, I was deep into my work of welding with my torch and wearing a pair of protective goggles. I was concentrating so intensely that time seemed to pass by slowly. Suddenly, I heard someone calling out my name. It took me a moment to register before I realized it was Thomas. I quickly finished what I was doing, turned off the torch and safely put it down. I walked towards the edge of the boat, still wearing my goggles, and looked down to find Thomas standing at the bottom of the stairs. I removed my goggles and greeted him, curious as to what he needed from me.

"YEAH!"

"IT'S Y/n!"

"BABY!?"

"BABY!"

"COMING!" I yelled,

With an urgency that could not be ignored, we bolted down the stairs as if our lives depended on it. We both ran across the camp as fast as we could, our hearts pounding with fear and anticipation. When we finally made it to I and Y/n's tent, we burst inside to find her lying on the makeshift bed we had sorted for her given we needed the space for both us and her bump, surrounded by Sonya and Harriet, who were holding her close and whispering words of comfort to her.

As soon as we saw her, we could tell that she was in the throes of labour. Her face was contorted with pain, and her breathing was coming in short, sharp gasps. Without hesitation, I rushed to her side, taking her hand in mine and kissing her forehead tenderly. At that moment, I felt a surge of love and protectiveness for this woman who was about to bring new life into the world.

"Are you okay honey?" I cooed,

"You think I'm okay!"

"That's fair," I nodded, "I'm here Y/n I promise you I am here," I told her kissing her sweet little face,

As she lay in the bed, writhing in pain, I held her hand tightly, trying to offer any comfort that I could. The sound of her screams reverberated through my chest, and my heart ached to see her in so much agony. I whispered words of encouragement and love, and planted soft kisses on her forehead, hoping that they would ease her discomfort.

Meanwhile, a stern-looking nurse who was Ex wicked but had come to the right arm came to help out, I felt grateful that she was there to take care of the medical aspects of the situation, as I didn't have the faintest clue about what was happening down there.

Suddenly, a loud noise overhead made us all jump. I felt a surge of panic in my chest, and Thomas, who had been pacing nervously outside, rushed out to investigate. A few moments later, he returned, looking relieved but also a little puzzled.

"Newt. We got a problem."

"Which is?"

"They're here."

"Now!"

"yeah..."

"...Shit," I sighed, "Y/n I promise honey I'll be right back okay," I told her kissing her sweetly before I headed out with thomas as the berg landed and out came Ava, Janson and Teresa.

"Tom-" she began,

"Nope." He snapped to her,

"Where's our daughter?" Janson demanded,

"She's kinda busy right now," I told him,

"Let us see her that's all we ask," Ava offered,

"She's busy." I snapped,

"Doing what!" Janson demanded,

"Giving birth!" I yelled, "To our baby so you can get back on your berg and fuck off!"

"She needs real medical attention," Teresa said,

"She's right, she needs real medicine she needs to come with us," Ava explained,

"Y/n is not going anywhere with you!" I told them, "Neither is our baby,"

"We swear we only want what is best for her-" Ava began,

"What is best for her is here. Away from you. That is what she wants to be here, with me."

"Hand her over!" Janson demanded,

"NO!" I yelled,

"Please... she is our daughter, we promise there will be a safe place for her, the baby and for you. Just do the right thing and come with us that is best for her and best for the baby."

"she may be your daughter, but you threw her into the maze, you tossed her away, you tortured her, you. Have. no. right. to see, hear, or be anywhere near our baby, after what you've done to her you think for a moment I would allow you near our baby."

"Give us our daughter!" Janson yelled as he grabbed a gun which he pointed at me but I grabbed my own and pointed it at him, "You think I won't shoot you after you knocked up my daughter,"

"You think I won't shoot you after you tortured the woman I love." I warn him, "You ripped me from my home, you tossed her away, you have tortured all of us, killed my friends, took away any sense of life worth that I had, You took the woman I love from me, you tormented her, and you kept my baby from me. You think for a moment I will let you destroy the only family I have in this world."

"It's the greater good the good of your child and Y/n!" Ava offered,

"...No. There is no greater good anymore, not after what it has already cost us." I told them, "I would let the world burn for her. I could very Very easily pull a trigger." I warn them,

"So could I," He warns,

"And you're keeping me from witnessing the birth of my son, and I am losing my patience." I warn, "So turn around and get back in your berg and fuck off."

"I've had enough of this!" Janson snapped but before even thinking about it I pulled the trigger and he dropped to the ground with half his head missing,

"I am not asking again. Get back in your berg and fuck off!" I demanded,

"Is this really your decision?" Ava asked,

"Yes, it is. And it's final."

"Very well." she nodded heading back into the berg,

"I'm sorry Tom..." Teresa said,

"You are not forgiven." He snapped to her,

She turned around and the two left in the berg, so I quickly gave him the gun,

"Anyone comes back again, shoot them," I told him,

"Understood," he nodded,

As I rushed back into the tent, my heart was racing with fear and anxiety. The sight that greeted me was one that filled me with overwhelming joy and tears. Y/n was lying in bed, her face pale and tired, with the little baby wrapped in her arms. It was a touching and heart-wrenching sight. The girls had left by the time I arrived, so I went over to the bed and sat down beside Y/n. I could see the exhaustion in her eyes as she looked at me, and I knew that she needed someone to be with her at that moment. I put my arm around her and whispered words of comfort, reassuring her that everything would be alright.

"Hi, how are you feeling honey?"

She glared at me,

"Fair enough, sorry." I nodded, "You're safe, you and our little one. You get some rest honey,"

"I need some rest," she nodded, "Thank you newt,"

"You're welcome,"

"You want to hold him?"

"Can I?"

"Of course you can." She smiled handing over our sweet baby boy, I cradled him in my arms, he was so small, so cute, with cute Y/e/C eyes like Y/n's and the little bits of blonde hair like my own,

"He's so perfect, our little baby,"

"Our little boy,"

"I love him already,"

"I do too,"

"ohh uhh, bad news... I shot your father,"

"Oh... I'm surprisingly not upset about that,"

"Good, we have enough to worry about." I chuckled giving the little boy's head a sweet kiss, "He's so beautiful," I cooed, "You have any more ideas about names?"

"I did have one,"

"Ohh?"

"little George,"

"Little George, I think that's perfect Y/n." I cooed kissing his little head and her sweet cheek, "I love you so so much,"

"I love you more," she cooed,

"You rest I'll look after George, I promise I am keeping you both safe for as long as I need to." 

[bulbagarden]

guess what??? bulbapedia had its 50,000th wiki article created a bit ago, and to celebrate we made a news article celebrating bulbapedia! i'm actually in it, soo... take a look if you'd like!! (this was written by our twitter admin and my overlord wyndoncalling)

Celebrating 50k Bulbapedia articles with our favourite wiki pages!

As one of the world's largest media franchises, Pokémon is monolithic to say the least. Documenting every facet of this gargantuan IP is a task perhaps only the most dedicated and/or foolhardy would embark on, yet that's exactly what our Bulbapedia team and thousands of selfless contributors have done over eighteen long years! With Pokémon now encompassing nine generations of main series games along with dozens of spin-offs, mobile games, movies, anime and manga series, merchandise and much more, the wiki itself has grown in tandem - we recently hit a whopping 50,000 articles!

To celebrate, we've compiled a list from across the Bulbagarden team of our favourite wiki articles. For our non-wiki team members, these might simply be pages that they enjoy reading and help inform their work in other aspects of the site. For wiki Staff, these could instead be pages that they've sunk many productive hours into. Read on for an eclectic collection of articles detailing some of the most obscure corners of the Pokémon franchise!

Credits to Staff artist Sirius for the awesome header image!

WyndonCalling (Social Media) - Tall grass

On the one hand, I think it's faintly hilarious that anyone would go into such detail for a mundane and omnipresent mechanic of the main series games; the tall grass that awaits the player on every starting route just feels so self-explanatory in function. On the other hand, I think it speaks volumes about the commitment and mentality of the Bulbapedia team and contributors that no scrap of information is left undocumented - on the tall grass page you'll find the basic details about how it works, but also variations such as tall grass and seaweed, animations of the Cut mechanic, in-battle effects, and more. Who knew that simple grass could be so fascinating in a world with flame-throwing dragons and electric mice?

Runner-up - List of Pokémon by base stats

As the Admin of the Bulbagarden Twitter account, I'm always on the hunt for interesting trivia to share; having the base stats of all Pokémon in one, sortable place makes it so much easier to make fun comparisons between species (did you know that Krabby has more Attack than Eternatus?).

Maverick Nate - Bulbapedia - Coin (TCG) (and its three subpages: Gens 1-4, Gens 5-6, and Gens 7-8)

This page is what I consider my best accomplishment during my 10 years as Bulbapedia's TCG Leader. There is an incredible amount of research, time, (and personal financial investment) baked into the article, and it always gives me a swell of pride when I update it with fresh images of newly acquired coins. There are over 700 different coins documented here, and I still fondly remember the long-night research sessions I would have with my best friend when we would do things like watch countless YouTube openings to figure out release information, check out endless eBay and Yahoo Auctions listings for never-before-seen coins, hold up physical coins to a spotlight trying to determine the Holofoil pattern. Our other friends would poke fun at us for researching in the field, (which was just our excuse to go shopping for newly released TCG products with new coins or hitting up garage sales and card shops on the off chance they had old ones). All of those years of effort produced what is now considered the definitive list of all coins in existence for coin enthusiasts. Whenever I see people online referencing it and using it for their own collections, I just have to smile, knowing that my favorite article is helping people all around the globe.

Wowy (Bulbapedia) - Red (Masters)

This page is just an example for all the character pages for Pokémon Masters. As one of the main editors covering Pokémon Masters when the game was first released, I feel very content to see many other editors who have taken the mantle to make Bulbapedia's coverage of the game quite comprehensive! I also enjoy the gallery section at the bottom because there are some sweet artwork pieces that come out of the game / the PMEX Twitter.

Runner Up - Face board

An article that was initially written for fun ended up being moved from the userpage to the main Bulbapedia page. Like the tall grass page, it's a niche page that showcases how much we like to document every minor and obscure detail in the franchise (albeit there is still so much to cover)!

Lisia (Social Media) (omg HIIII that's me!!!!) (姉ちゃん見て見て、あたしテレビだ。。) - Pokémon world in relation to the real world

This is a very extensive page, and it's very useful for a lot of different things! I use it for worldbuilding for fanfiction and roleplay stuff usually, but it's fun to look at just in general as well! I remember looking at the page first like... years ago, and it blew my mind to see that the Pokémon world was actually based off of real locations! It's something that I'd call a huge resource for anyone who creates Pokémon fanworks, especially written ones!

Runner Up - Lisia (i had to LOL)

Maybe it's a little... self-serving? But I really like this article of my personal namesake; she's my favorite character after all! She's a relatively minor character within the whole of Pokémon so there's not a whole lot of information about her, so I like reading all the stuff there is about her! It makes me happy that people have put work into articles about everyone, because well... in a way I wouldn't be me without it. I should probably contribute to it sometime!

Orchid (Forums) - Pokémon food

I picked this article because it is astoundingly comprehensive on its topic, and offers a lot of really interesting insight into the Pokémon universe as a whole. From Poffins, to prey, to parasites, to Slowpoke Tails... it's all here! It's amazing how having all this information in one place puts into perspective just how much there is to cover on what, at a glance, might seem like such a simple subject. I find myself coming back here every now and then just out of curiosity (or perhaps to settle a debate about what an Aerodactyl really eats).

Runner-up - Twerp

This page is silly and I love it. I've even shown this one to friends and family who are fellow Pokémon fans, and they've gotten just as much of a kick out of it as I have! But as amusing of a read as it may be, what I love most about this page is the fact that even a short and lighthearted bit of terminology like this is documented thoroughly here, just like anything else would be. All across Bulbapedia, you can find so much care and detail put into the littlest of things, and that does bring a smile to my face

DapperCody (Multimedia) - Ash Ketchum

Like many people, I grew up watching the Pokémon anime as a youngster. I enjoy Ash's article because it is comprehensive account of the quarter century that he has graced our screens - looking it over is very nostalgic. The history section with photos is fantastic, and I love being able to see all the Pokémon he has ever owned or used and their current status. It also has an extensive trivia section like all my favorite articles do. I've fallen down the anime rabbit hole on Bulbapedia numerous times, and Ash's page is a great place to start.

Runner Up - Ash's Noctowl

See all of the above, but from a different perspective. Pages for individual Pokémon from the anime are fantastic to get a glimpse into all the highlights from their time in the spotlight, and what better example of this than my personal favorite, Noctowl? The move history is really neat, especially the fact that it designates the moves recently used (and the illegal ones when applicable). Did you know Noctowl was the first Shiny Pokémon in the anime?

bthrussellUK (Bulbapedia) - Pokémon Battle Chess

I really love this article because I think it’s an example of what Bulbapedia is great at; taking obscure Pokémon topics (especially outside of Japan) and saving them from being lost to the sands of time. The original Pokémon Battle Chess website has been taken offline, so without articles like this one, the game would be forgotten. Instead, because it’s here, I decided to find and buy a copy of both Pokémon Battle Chess BW Version and Pokémon Battle Chess and use them to help expand the gameplay section of the article. They're actually pretty fun games! Now I just need a copy of Pokémon Battle Chess W…

Runner Up - Pokémon games

It looks like it's just a really long list... and it is! But for me it's a really great reminder of how massive Pokémon is, how many games have been released in the last 26 years, and how many different platforms Pokémon games have released on. Ever heard of the Advanced Pico Beena or the iQue Player?

Whether they're popular or niche, wide-ranging or obscure, we hope you've enjoyed our short tour of our favourite Bulbapedia articles! Do you have your own? Are you tickled by the trivia on a given page? You can let us know on our forums or Discord server - or even start editing yourself!

The wiki can never have too many contributors, and if your love of Pokémon is as deep as ours we'd be delighted to have you with us for the next 50,000 articles!

(lisia note: thank you for reading!!!!!!!!!! hopefully you enjoyed it!)

[precioustarkey]

journalism at its finest: part two

link to part one is here, read it first!

summary: after getting a surprise phone call from drew, you are eager to finally go on your first date.

warnings: none

the next couple of weeks were met with sparse texts asking what our plans were for the day, when we would be off, what city he was going to next, etc. part of me had lost hope that we would get the chance to see each other. we were just so busy. 

my anxiety has since worn off. i realized through our short conversations that no matter how much he changed, he is still the same humble kid he was in high school. we have both grown so much, and though our careers are on opposite ends, i feel as if we can relate to each other. 

eventually, i decided to put my feelings aside and come to terms with the fact that drew will most likely remain a memory. soon after, my phone starts to ring. assuming it's a work call, as it usually is, i quickly answer. 

"good morning," i say into the phone, awaiting a reply. "good morning, uhm.. i know this is a little out of the blue and maybe not the best time, but are you busy today?" my eyebrows furrow, my mind racing, i pull my phone back to look at the contact name. drew starkey.

"if you consider pacing my apartment busy, then terribly." i can't help but cringe at myself. a light laugh comes from the other end of the phone: "well then, if you send me your address, i'll pick you up in around thirty minutes. dress casual."

i can feel the heat in my cheeks already. skeptical, i reply, "whatever you say, starkey." his smile is almost audible as he says, "i'll take it. see you then." 

quickly, i send a text to drew containing my address. almost immediately after i put my closet in shambles. the second i decide what to wear, i brush through my hair and freshen my face. 

my phone dings next to me as i am sliding into my shoes. it's a text that reads, "i think i'm outside." perfect timing. i grab my essentials and dart out of the door. 

sure enough, when i make it to the street, i see a very conufsed-looking drew sitting in his vehicle. our gazes meet, and we can't help but laugh. he quickly jumps out of the car to help me into the passenger's seat. 

"you didn't have to do that," i say as he gets back into his own seat. "i wanted to," he replies grinning, fastening his seatbelt. 

"now do i get to find out where you're taking me?" i ask as convincingly as possible. "absolutely not. sit tight," he winks. i can't help but roll my eyes, though we both know i couldn't be more excited.

the ride is filled with laughter and singing. i feel like a kid again, a teenager giddy over absolutely everything. it feels like no time before we're pulling into what looked like a field. i look over suspiciously. "stay right there," he says as he exits the car. 

i watch as he fishes something out of the trunk before making his way to my side of the car, opening the door with his cheesy grin still shining. i follow him around the car to see a blanket and basket. 

"how did you know i'm a sucker for cliches?" i ask, unable to contain my own grin. "hey, i've looked at your instagram a few times," he replies, holding up his hands for dramatics. my heart races at the thought of him looking over my social media.

we eagerly spread out the blanket and started laying snacks everywhere. i could tell he put a lot of effort into this, and wondered what he would have done if i had really been busy today. 

before we knew it, the sun began setting. we spent hours talking, laughing, and really getting to know each other. as we watched the sun set and the stars rise, i realized that i really dreaded going home. i hadn't had this much fun with someone in so long, and it was so refreshing. 

after minutes spent in comfortable silence, i spoke first, my voice coming out as nearly a whisper: "drew?' i kept my head toward the sky, but i could see out of the corner of my eye that his head turned to me. "i know it's a little soon, but will you come back to my apartment with me?'

finally, i looked at him. i was trying hard to keep a straight face, but his smile is contagious. "can we get ready for work together in the morning?" he's smirking now. "only if you're not treating your other interviewers like this," i shot back. 

laughing, he says, "don't worry y/n, you're like no other." making his way to his feet, he holds out a hand to help me up. as we clean up our mess and make our way back to his car, i feel an overwhelming sense of contentment. 

maybe i lied when i said i'd have it done quickly :/

[freckliedan]

omfg so im reading your linguistics paper rn and im at the part where you talk about how its taboo to post abt the vday vid or dailybooths etc. but i feel like the chains have loosened over the years so to speak? cuz like, on twitter people have just. posted full dailybooth screenshots, or reference the 2009 phan song all the time which itself refs vday. and im wondering if thats like, because the community had gotten smaller after the dapg hiatus that ppl were more lax about it, or if it felt like dnp were more lax about it, or if these are all younger fans who werent aware of this etiquette at all but since so many younger fans have been joining like post coming out they just dont see it as taboo at all? some self-policing does still occur, specifically w ppl reposting dans nakedbooths, but its def not the case of YOU HAVE TO BE COMPLETELY SILENT ABOUT THIS anymore. i havent even finished reading yet but im enthralled

OOH thank you for the question i have so many thoughts on this actually. (context)

i think there's multiple reasons why the taboo on discussing the vday vid & other deleted social media things has grown lesser? under the cut bc i got wordy.

partially i'd chalk it up to the change in phandom demographics. like, there's a way lower proportion of us now who were around for the direct aftermath of the first major leak in 2012, or who even were a part of the phandom when a majority of folks had been present for that. things were so bad and painful then & in the era directly afterwards! people still learn about that but the knowledge of how bad things got is always going to be different from the lived experience.

so that's reason one: i think that within the fandom the strongest emotional reaction to the existence of the vday video & deleted social media posts will always exist in ppl who were around in 2011-2013 & similarly deeply ingrained in folks who joined right after that in 2014-15. and i think there's still a lot of us but there's also just like.. so many less of us now, too. the vast majority of my mutuals from 5 years ago have abandoned or deleted their blogs.

i do think another part of why things have gotten less taboo is bc it's no longer something that has the potential to out dan and phil/how directly they've acknowledged the social media posts (& to a lesser degree the vday vid)?

like. dan literally used screenshots that he almost certainly got from the phan directory in basically i'm gay. they acknowledged that the manchester eye meant something to them in giving the people what they want/witl (watched them at the same time, can't remember which had that in it). i know they knew how people would react to them mentioning iconic teen dalien moments in the big wheel in the sims.

there's also the fact that like... angry phil DMs/copyright strikes are a thing of the past? i'm not going to tell people where to find the vday video but it's stupidly easy to locate on more mainstream platforms at this point in time. shit, that brings me to another point: fans who joined more recently weren't around for the era where blogs were getting taken down for what they were posting. another reason it's more chill now.

like, the openness of the secret is like, something that makes seeking out the taboo less of a thrill?

but on the other hand! learning in detail abt the vday vid and old social media posts is something i think people find less necessary now? that used to be the most concrete like... phan proof. proof they were queer. and now that they're explicitly gay and openly together to the degree that they are it's like. the value of the information has lessened.

to go in a different direction. i definitely wouldn't call it a formalized etiquitte that the youngun's just don't know, especially when it comes to the social media posts—they've always circulated and even 5 years ago when i wrote that paper they were more openly talked about even tho the vday video wasn't (though again: 5 years ago was still wayyyyy more lax than 2013/14).

ultimately there's always just been so much clout tied up to knowing about the vday video & social media posts? so even though being too blatant has always been a taboo transgressing that norm with skill has also always been a phandom value.

i'm not going to get too far into the ways that dan and phil's fandom literacy and the fan response of archiving everything play into things bc i think i covered that well in my paper but yeah!

i don't have a good conclusion but: less % of the fandom being present for the aftermath of dnp being outed by the leak + greater aknowledgement of these subjects by dnp + less value for the information in the vday vid & deleted social media posts = more casual attitude towards vday vid & social media posts and a healthier phandom overall

[rimurutempest]

Hello.....If you don't mind me asking, can I ask, what are your top 7 favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series/etc) and your top 10 favorite (fictional) characters from any media? Why do you love them all? Sorry if you've answered this questions before......

Interesting specific.......

7 media huh?

SLC Punk - live action movie from the 90s about Punks in Salt Lake City during the 80s. As a trans person that grew up in Arizona in a region populated by a ton of Mormons I sorta related to it kinda and nowadays I feel like it's actually a really funny, really scary, and really beautiful movie that gets overlooked a lot.

The Shining by Stephen King (book) - it's not my favorite horror novel and it's not my favorite Stephen King novel, but it was the book that got me to enjoy horror. The story is so scary and good, the characters are fleshed out, and there's a whole underlying dialogue about abuse and alcoholism that's very scary. Which is part of why I don't like the movie, cuz the movie adaption (erases the usefulness of the titular "Shining") sorta erases the personal story about alcoholism and abuse. And, it's definitely there still, it focuses more of its efforts on just being a spooky haunted hotel, it's style over substance to me. The connection of the personal and horror made me sort of see the true story telling value of the genre, and now I'm like. In love with horror.

Inside Mari by Shuzo Oshimi (manga) - the best way to explain this is, what if Freaky Friday were more of a psychological horror. Reading Inside Mari has been a very important thing to me as an adult, I sorta see myself in it and there's so much trans emotions in this (there's a whole thing that Oshimi is probably trans), this work is so dear to me I refuse to read to watch other people's take or interpretations, which sounds bad but I just want my special thing that I interpret my way to be interpreted my own way. It's amazing and I love it. All of Oshimi's work has hit me in a personal place.

Wandering Son by Takako Shimura (manga) - one of the first portrayals of a trans person I saw in manga, and honestly still one of the best. There's a lot of criticisms we could give it, but I love it and I related to it so much. It was nice to see a story follow such a young trans girl (and boy) and see them grow. Probably part of why I decided to finally identify as trans.

Puella Magi Madoka Magica the Movie Part 3: Rebellion (anime movie) - this one is largely just emotional stuff that's coincidental. The original Madoka tv show (and thus first two movies) were great but I never thought it was perfect, but Rebellion emotionally murdered me and as everything else mentioned, it felt so relatable. Came out in a very important time frame for bonding when my husband, so I got to see it in theaters with him (twice technically, we went a second time with a friend) plus I got to see it with another friend (three times total) hehe. It's just like, a very big date for my husband and I, I remember it perfectly down to what I had for dinner (my first bowl of professional made ramen lmao). The movie just, really hit, and the circumstances around seeing it were just really important to me.

Lateralus by Tool (album) - I'm sure some people are gonna be like "whaaaa how edgy loser" or whatever about this. But Lateralus was an important album for me cuz it introduced me to larger intellectual concepts I'd never considered before, made me really fall in love with that brand of music, and was one of those things I would put on repeat when I felt very depressed (read: dysphoric). I know the members have sorta grown into shitty people (namely Maynard) but this album is just very important to me.

I'm just going to say The Green Knight (movie), there's a lot I want to put here, especially a lot about Arthurian literature, but I think the best way to just, placeholder all the Arthurian shit I'm obsessed with. The Green Knight is a fantastic adaptation that's incredibly beautiful and well acted. Love it.

tbh w/ you I don't wanna do characters rn so if you swing back by later I might.

[determinate-negation]

Hii. I'm not sure how to phrase this question, but how does one draw the line between the most effective way of getting people into engaging critically with art and politics (which is imo, being nice and encouraging and yes coddling a little bit people's fragile egos) and expressing your own discontent with people's lack of curiosity and desire to learn and form well funded opinions beyond base level takes, paired with an immovable conviction that anything that isn't immediately comfortable (such as your blorbo show (?) Being criticized) must be Evil.

What I mean is that as an individual you'd want to basically shake these people who shut down every discussion with the slogan Let People Enjoy Things, and rightfully call them idiots for throwing a tantrum at the grown age of 36 because someone said maybe watching something other than Steven universe would be good or whatever, but on the other hand telling people they are unintelligent for exclusively engaging with surface level ideas/ uninspired art does Not encourage anyone who does that into going beyond that comfort zone. At the same time tho it does feel like you're doing airplane sounds so the baby eats the pudding without crying. You cannot condescend anyone into critical thought but the fact that so many people are unwilling to engage in it out of laziness is making everyone's life worse. How do we get out of that point ig is my question. Sorry if that made 0 sense English isn't my first language :P hope you're having a good day/night

idk i honestly get very annoyed by watching people or interacting with people who respond to any mild critical thought with some iteration of 'let people enjoy things' and 'youre being elitist for not liking the popular thing,' and a million other things. ngl i dont think tumblr is also the greatest place for like... scholarly discourse although it can actually be quite productive for it somethings. but a lot of people genuinely dont want to look into shit. theres an attitude here (not just on tumblr but i just think in the capitalist west) of incuriosity and its difficult to say how to overcomme. for example ill post links to books and essays about a topic and have people complain that i dont specify what chapters to read. this pisses me off to no end and i end up ranting about it and probably coming off like a dick lol. thus the posts...

i also do post like essays and articles and shit that i think explains my position on this and the theoretical basis for it, and if people ask questions ill try to explain any concepts and give recommendations for stuff to read about mass culture and cultural criticism. i think this has been more productive, idk. i dont think political education and class consciousness will rise from social media though, which is where these tendencies are allowed to develop to the extreme. organization and education irl will be the most fruitful, but still i just think to show people the stuff that influenced me and how i think of it is a net positive. ty and same to you

[whizzochocolate]

hi hello, long time no see - or text i suppose.

it's been quite a while & i'd like to apologise for my sudden disappearance.

i isolate myself whenever i'm stressed. it's a terrible habit & even worse coping mechanism. 0/10 do not recommend.

there has been some good stuff happening in my life... such as visiting a friend & attending a show. the first big event i've been to since 2019. i did it completely on my own. from planning to attending to organising meet-ups with a group chat we had for it. it was so much fun & i'm really proud of myself. i came home the most exhausted i'd ever been lol.

but not everything has been lovely. i've been struggling with a lot of overstimulation recently. due to the event i ended up downloading different social media apps again to get in touch with people & it worked! we were a strong group of 36 but now that everything's over i feel like i've fallen back into a literal pit of doom.

twitter is like a live ticker for terrible events. you get 20 tweets on your timeline that you don't care about, mostly people complaining or reminders on how sick & twisted the world is. yet you're stuck reading through all of it.

tiktok is tiktok. what more do you want me to say? and instagram has turned out to have a terrible algorithm & is more of a newspaper to my friends' lives now than it is anything else.

i've spent so much time on these apps recently. i'm afraid it's finally been enough to affect my health again. not to mention how much i've been disliking the lack of sincerity & the overwhelming amount of unseriousness on the internet.

tumblr – specifically this account – was my safe haven when i was active back in july. it feels like the only social media app that still works for me because i'm allowed to be silly while simultaneously having the platform to write long texts such as this one & indulging in my favourite things without judgement.

i want to come back but i'm still too on edge to do so. i like to say i'm not addicted to my phone but addicted to curing my own boredom. just this last week i had almost 20 hours of youtube screen time & 10 on twitter. over a day. it's absolutely ridiculous & needs fixing.

i am someone who has spent & continues to spent most of their time alone. back when i was active on here i had successfully fought a lot of my thoughts & was pretty tuned into keeping my screen time low (still too high but 6 hours is better than 12).

i spiralled back & it happens. it's okay. it has happened in the past & i'll beat it again.

i'm planning on reading more books. my current read is a very good self-help book. right now i'm sitting across the lot of python books on my shelf that deserve a read. i've been writing, scripting, filming recently. things i haven't done properly in years. i go for walks. i want to get back into my video games & back to movies. i need to watch more spooky stuff before halloween (my favourite season even if it isn't all that celebrated where i'm from).

as you can tell: i'm working on it.

i'm on a mission to delete a bunch of stuff off my phone. tonight & tomorrow. keeping tumblr this time.

i've seen all of your sweet ask share games i've been getting & i appreciate every single one. just the way i appreciate everything on this app. i'm so sorry to everyone i've grown closer to on here & have abandoned in this spiral (special mention here: @memorial-sewer & @knoxoverstreet16 ). i'll get back to everyone very soon!!!

enough of the yap. thanks for reading :)

see you by the end of the week.

- gray ☻