#and like. i was a smoker for 4 years. i was an alcoholic for 6.

[sillypilled-friendcel]

"what do you know about drinking" "what do you know about smoking" "what do you know about weed" "what do you know about drugs" you do not know me or my life!!!!!!

[wardenparker]

Hummingbird Has Landed, ch 10

Marcus Pike x female reader Co-written with @absurdthirst

After the debacle of his failed engagement and relocating to Washington to take charge of his task force, newly minted Special Agent Marcus Pike is ready to get back out into the dating pool once more. A slew of bad dates has him feeling a little down, and he takes an old friend up on an invitation to get away and get his head on straight. Imagine his surprise when he finds not only fresh air, but his soulmate as well - hiding in plain sight but in the unlikeliest of places.

Rating: Mature, but this blog is always 18+ Word Count: 12.3k Warnings: *Blanket warnings for this series: occasional mention of American politics, pregnant character, food/alcohol consumption, mentions of clothing/regulated dressing for occasions, mentions of therapy because we believe in self care here, reader is in a previous relationship, love triangle, reader is mentioned as turning 30 during the course of the story, dom/sub dynamics* In-laws (nice ones though!), passing mention of federal agents possessing guns, family dynamics, that one family member that married someone awful, the mystery of Agent Bailey begins to unravel, discussion of life in the public eye, planning for the future, discussion of collaring. Summary: After a rather dramatic birthday, heading to Texas to meet Marcus's family seems like a walk in the park. Notes: I am 100% certain that I have missed errors this week, loves. But alas, ya girl is back to working five days a week and she is SO tired. ✌ Please enjoy the chaos that is the Pike extended family!

Ch1 ~ Ch 2 ~ Ch 3 ~ Ch 4 ~ Ch 5 ~ Ch 6 ~ Ch 7 ~ Ch 8 ~ Ch 9

The flight from Washington DC to Dallas is just over three hours long and you had agreed that it would be better to leave early in the morning on Saturday to arrive at his family's compound before lunchtime. The last two weeks have been a dream as you and Marcus spend basically all of your extra time together, sharing dinners after work and alternating beds for overnight stays. He's even come to his first Friday Night Dinner with your family, which makes it all the more appropriate that you're now flying with him to meet his.

Airline points used, Marcus was well aware that on a commercial flight, Agent Bailey would be much more comfortable with First Class and boarding the plane last. Allowing for the rest of the plane to embark so they were not filing past her and you. Now that the flight is closed and you are settled into your seat, he looks over at you with a smile. "Ready for chaos?" He asks playfully, picking up your hand. "My family is....energetic."

���I’m excited,” you assure him. You’re also nervous, but that’s natural. His big family is having their annual springtime get together for the start of baseball season and — according to Marcus — this is the biggest Pike family get together of the year. It’s a week of pickup games with his cousins, big family meals, revisiting old favorite haunts, and catching up on life. It used to be a way to help distract Marcus and his Mom as his Dad started out the new season every year and started traveling, but now it’s just their favorite reason to get together.

“Don’t feel like you have to do anything you don’t feel like.” Marcus insists. “Plenty of times half the cousins or wives and husbands end up in the stands watching and shit talking.”

“Baby if you think I’m not playing at least one game, you’re nuts.” Marcus has been so sweet about reassuring you and making sure you know nothing is expected of you on this trip, but frankly it just sounds like fun. Like the kind of happy chaos that is a complete break from your normal life.

He flashes you a grin. “I was hoping you’d say that.” He admits shamelessly. “After the games, we grill out or eat whatever we threw on the smoker that morning.” He shrugs. “It’s a party the entire time.”

“I’m looking forward to it.” You have been, and you are, and seeing him get excited would make the whole thing worth it even if you weren’t.

“Everyone is excited to meet you.” He promises. “Oh and mom asked if you had any allergies? Food or otherwise?” He shoots you a sheepish grin. “Forgot to ask.”

“Nothing at all. I’ll eat anything you put in front of me and sniff whatever weird Texas plants you guys have got.” A teasing grin counters his embarrassed one. “My brother and I did a campaign stop in Texas; I don’t think there was anything too sniffly in Austin. But I know the state is big.”

“Huge.” He snorts, smirking slightly. “You know what they say. ‘Everything’s bigger in Texas’.” He jokes.

"Oh yeah?" The smirk that forms on your face is immediate and you lean over to nudge his shoulder. "Is that how you grew up so big?"

“Not that big.” He chuckles. “My cousins – the males – are bigger.”

Snorting slightly, you can't help but laugh as you nudge Marcus again. "That sounds painful."

“Shit.” Marcus chokes and shakes his head. “I didn’t mean that.”

"Well good," you're still laughing, juvenile sense of humor on full display even if you're quiet. "Otherwise I'd feel bad for their spouses."

He snorts and leans into press his lips to yours. “I’m the biggest.” He boasts, completely lying and he winks to acknowledge that. Not like him and his cousins have compared…since before puberty.

"Naughty." It's chastising, but you giggle as you steal another kiss as you both settle back in your seats for a short but comfortable flight.

Marcus hums as the flight attendant comes by. “Do you want a mimosa?” He asks softly. “Start our vacation off right?”

"Why not? Let's have a fancy flight." First class is already a bit of an extravagance, and you smile at the flight attendant gratefully. They are well aware of who is on board – Agent Bailey had background checks run on the flight crew as a precaution – and discreetly point out your agent to the gentleman. "And a cup of coffee for the woman in the suit right over there? She'll say she doesn't want anything but I know she'd love a cup right about now."

“Yes madam.” He nods and smiles back at you, finding it refreshing that you aren’t over demanding like some political figures. One asshole really set his teeth on edge last month.

"Thank you so much." The last thing you want to do is make a fuss for the flight crew, and you sit back with Marcus's hand in yours. As nervous as you might be, this is going to be a good week.

“Anywhere you want to see in particular?” Marcus asks, stretching his legs in the extra space the first row gives you. “We don’t have to rent a car. Although I know Agent Bailey will want one of the Secret Service vehicles to follow.

"I want to see whatever you want to show me. Any place you used to hang out when you were growing up, or favorite local places, or even places you've never been that you've always wanted to go." It's his hometown, after all, even if he wasn't born there. Texas is where he became the Marcus that you know and love.

“There’s a band that’s playing Friday night.” Marcus tells you. “At the bar where I used to play.” He chuckles. “It’s my old bandmates.”

"One hundred percent." Your agreement is absolutely instant and there is a giant smile on your face. "No contest. It will be the perfect way to spend our last night in Dallas. Well...last night for now. I know we'll come back plenty of times."

“Awesome.” His grin is wide, happy that you would want to listen to some music and hang out. Potentially meeting old friends. “Then that’s what we’ll do. You’ll like the place.”

"I'll love it." Just like everything else this week, you're looking forward to it because it's something that you'll share with him. It's the early memories of your relationship, as you share the things with each other that made you who you are.

The family compound is exactly that. A compound. Built during the first contract with the Yankees, Pike’s Place as it was fondly referred to, had started out as a way for Marcus’s dad to build the retirement home of his parents’ dreams and ended up being the multi-generational property it is today.

There are more than a half dozen buildings in the property, a large pool and a garden, and even their own personal baseball diamond. It’s like having a resort built specifically for his family. Stuck smack in the middle between a ranch to the south and another large family property to the north, no one would even have any idea that neighbors existed around here if they weren’t told about it.

The main house is a beautiful American Craftsman-style building with a deep front porch and a swing out front, painted bold blue and white against the yellow Texas sun. Matthew and Donna Pike’s house is well-appointed but far bigger than it looks on the outside, and all around it is a stunning garden that they keep together as a shared hobby. The backyard sprawls on endlessly, but for right now you can see more cars than people. It looks like everyone is congregating with Uncle Matt and Aunt Donna.

Marcus’s smile gets visibly wider the closer you get and when the car stops, he’s almost vibrating with joy. He’s not nervous at all, knowing that his entire family will adore you. “Are you ready?” He asks again, not even waiting to the reply before he is shooting out of the car to open the door for you.

“You didn’t tell me you grew up in the cutest place on Earth,” you tease happily, practically giggling at how picturesque it is as you get out of the rental car.

“It’s home.” He looks around the property proudly. “Even when we were living somewhere else because of dad’s job, this was always home.”

“It’s beautiful.” You squeeze into his side and grin back at Agent Bailey as she gets out of the second rental car. “I hope you get to relax a little while we’re down here, too. It’s got to be a hell of a nice change of pace from looking at the inn every day.”

Agent Bailey notes the fence that seems to stretch around the property with approval. “We might be more secure here.”

“Glad to hear it.” Anything that makes her more comfortable is more than okay with you. With as hard as she works, she deserves to be able relax whenever she can.

“Dad installed a fence when he had some fans come up to the house when he was on an away trip.” Marcus explains. They had done one of those ‘where the star athletes live’ things in the Sports Illustrated magazine and someone figured out where it was.” He shakes his head. “Dad was furious, and the compound got an upgrade.”

“Sounds like a solid response to me,” the Secret Service agent agrees as she looks around the property.

“Although, he does open the compound up for youth programs. Training, spending the day with baseball players.” Marcus smiles proudly.

“I love how proud of him you are.” You slip your hand into Marcus’s again and give him a beaming smile. “Time for the chaos, baby. Let’s do it.”

Marcus laughs as the two of you hear the playful shouts from the backyard. The little welcoming barbecue that your father had insisted on was already in full swing. He can’t wait to see how you take all of his cousins and nieces and nephews wearing name tags.

It only takes about a second before someone notices you, letting out a boisterous shout across the yard and garden. “Well, looky what the cat dragged in!”

“Charlie.” Marcus leans in to tell you as every head turns your way. “First cousin from my mom’s side. Can’t believe he’s the first one.”

“Is Charlie not usually this friendly?” You ask under your breath, smiling and waving as more and more heads turn your way.

“Just…unobservant.” Marcus hums, smiling wider when his mother drops her platter of finger foods on a table and rushes forward. “You made it!”

Dr. Donna Pike is a tall woman with a wide smile and honey brown eyes, but right now her most noticeable feature is her long arms which reach out to fold out her only son like a protective mama bird. "Flight was okay?" She asks, smiling at Marcus's nod before she shifts over to hug you in turn.

When she had been told that Marcus had found his soulmate, she had been thrilled. Not because he had to be with his soulmate, she wasn’t narrow minded like that, but because he’s always had so much love to give. She can only hope that you will do well receiving it and return a fraction of it back to him. The others hadn’t seen how pure his heart is. She says your name and squeezes you tight. “How are you? It’s such a delight to meet you.”

"Thank you for having me." Her hands are on your shoulder and it's instantly obvious where Marcus's beaming smile comes from. "I've heard so many wonderful things from Marcus about his family, I'm really excited to meet everyone."

“Well if anyone is too much, or we all are, you just tell us to go away.” She snorts, shooting you a grin. “We are a bit much as a collective.”

"I promise my threshold for much is very high." It has to be, with the kind of people that are always around political figures, but this week is not about you. You do smile again, though, and urge Agent Bailey to come closer than her usual three steps away. "And thank you for understanding that things are not very conventional for me right now. This is Agent Bailey. She's my duty agent and an absolutely superb human."

Donna smiles at the agent, although she doesn’t attempt to hug her. Aware that it might be deemed as threatening. “She is also extremely welcomed.” She nods and offers her hand. “I hope you can relax and have some fun as well, Agent Bailey. We have a comfortable room set up for you at the top of the stairs, just down the hall from them.”

"Thank you, Dr. Pike." Agent Bailey accepts the handshake gratefully. Some people perceive her presence as threatening and that just isn't the case. Especially not here.

“Please, call me Donna.” She insists. “Now, we’ve told the children they are not to ask about your gun, but I do hope that you will change out of your suit into more weather appropriate clothes?” She asks. “Texas is too hot for bespoke all day.”

Agent Bailey actually laughs at that, and you smile when she nods. "I'll be dressed down while I'm here, don't worry about that. Being conspicuous doesn't do much good in protection most of the time."

“Good.” Marcus’s mother smiles. “I’ve also taken the liberty of moving Marcus’s gun safe into your room. For when you are needing to secure it.” She frowns and looks towards Marcus. “Did you bring your own, sweetheart? I didn’t think to ask.”

"Very kind of you, ma'am, but not necessary." Agent Bailey assures her. "I have a portal safe in my luggage. Agent Pike also has his firearm so we'll both be secure and safe that way."

“Told you.” Matthew Pike snakes his arm around his wife and kisses her cheek. “Always overthinking. But I love it.”

"Precautions are good, sweetheart," Donna reminds him, but she smiles.

Marcus and his father could be twins, except for the older man has more pronounced wrinkles from a career spent in the sun. “So this is the gorgeous creature the universe paired you with?” He unwinds his arm from around his own soulmate to pull his son into a bear hug. “Aren’t you a lucky man?”

"I swore I was only going to do this once while we were here." Standing beside Marcus and practically vibrating, you know you probably look silly but you don't care. "Mr. Pike, I am a huge fan and I promise there will be no more fangirling from this point on, but I just wanted to say that once."

There’s a grin that matches his son’s, currently on both of the Pike men’s faces. “Marcus….she has taste.” He teases, winking at you and pulling you in for a hug. “You can fangirl all you like, sweetheart.”

“I’m just very excited to be here,” you admit, laughing as you hug your soulmate’s father in turn. “Marcus…he’s absolutely amazing. I hope you’re as proud of him as he is of both of you.”

“More-so.” Matthew promises, already liking you. “Although, let’s get you settled and a first drink in your hand before we introduce you to everyone else, hm?”

You and Marcus follow his parents through the house and Agent Bailey notes the features of the house with interest but doesn’t interfere. So far, everything is straight forward. She just hopes it stays that way. For your sake.

The tour of the house is easy. A large, open concept main living area is perfect for entertaining, and lines of sight. “Our bedroom is downstairs.” Donna explains. “So you kids will have the top floor to yourselves. Everyone else is staying in the bunkhouse this trip.”

The bunkhouse, as it has been explained to you, is the largest building on the compound which basically amounts to a Pike family motel. Plenty of parking and plenty of rooms to stay in makes it the place that is customarily occupied by Marcus's enormous brood of cousins. "And I'm sure Marcus told you," Matthew glances back at you as the five of you walk together. "But the basement is a game room. Foosball table, game systems, all that kind of thing."

“I was going to show her.” Marcus admits with a shrug. “But she’s bowled in the White House, I doubt our game room would impress her.”

"You are seriously underestimating my love of foosball," you assure Marcus. "I'm terrible at it, but I love it."

“Don’t worry.” Matthew chuckles. “My son excels at pool but cannot figure out a foosball table.”

"Then we can be terrible together," you decide, thankfully garnering a laugh from both Marcus and his parents.

“Which will be a lot of fun.” Marcus chuckles. “When bad weather rolls through, we enjoy the game room and there are people everywhere.” He warns. “One time, we had a checkers tournament, so all the little kids could be involved too.”

The group of you stop in the kitchen for large glasses of sweet tea, and Agent Bailey excuses herself to bring her things upstairs and change into some more civilian-oriented clothes. There are pictures of the family all around the house, but none as prevalent as the pictures of Marcus. His graduations, his triumphs, and some absolutely adorable childhood photos adorn the walls of the house, and you smile at every single one. At one time his wedding picture must have hung on these walls too, or other pictures of him and Lara, and for a moment your heart clenches with regret that he was ever hurt but swells with the knowledge that he’ll never be hurt like that again. The next wedding pictures on these walls will be of you with him, and those will never be coming down.

“Home sweet home.” Marcus hums, watching you take in the space that he had mostly grown up in.

“Ready kids?” Matthew Pike chuckles, opening the sliding kitchen doors to the backyard with great ceremony.

“Don’t worry.” Marcus quickly assures you. “Everyone has had their rabies shots. So they aren’t as feral as they seem.”

For all the teasing, the hugs from his cousins are immediate. They descend on you like a swarm of eager birds, flapping their wings and chattering away as they all introduce themselves and say how happy they are to see Marcus and to meet you.

Marcus smiles at every one of them. Greets them like long lost friends, which they are. They are the friends of his entire childhood and he's happy to introduce you.

A man wearing a name tag that marks him as Uncle Rob holds up two more name tags proudly — one emblazoned Marcus and the other Birdie. “Marcus told us you prefer your nickname,” his father explains with a grin.

“It’s perfect,” you assure them, taking the name tag with a bursting heart. “Absolutely perfect.”

“Uncle Rob is a treasure.” Marcus tells you as he is pulled into a hug and slaps his uncle’s back.

"Uncle Rob is his mother's younger brother," the man clarifies with a happy grin. "Four of the cousins are ours, but I won't quiz you on the family tree just yet."

"I appreciate that." Your laugh of acknowledgement comes easily. "But I've been studying, I promise."

Marcus laughs, knowing how worried you had been over this visit, and it seems as if you are blending in well. He reaches out and squeezes your hip affectionately. “She’s a quick study.”

"Probably mandatory." One of his cousins – her nametag says Selena – teases as she offers you a hug. "Can't imagine the way family debates go when your Mom is the President."

"They're....active." You admit with another laugh. The hug is readily accepted, too. Pikes are apparently very huggy people. "I'm just glad we don't have to come up with opening and closing arguments."

She laughs and nods. “No, but here you might be asked the ERA or RBI stats of anyone you are a ‘fan’ of.” She advises. “So beware.”

"I can absolutely handle stats." For some reason Selena's energy is a lot more calm and reassuring than some of the other cousins, and you feel a little more at ease with her at the moment. "Most of the time I've got those on lock even when nobody's asked."

“How do you take your hotdog?” She asks, narrowing her eyes playfully. “Get it right and we can be friends.”

"It's not gonna be what you want it to be," you laugh, though you do appreciate the way Selena measures her new acquaintances. "I'm from Philly, so pepper hash and spicy mustard."

Her frown is replaced by a smirk and she nods. “You didn’t say ketchup, so you’re good in my book.” She smirks, eyeing Marcus who is huffing and rolling his eyes. “I don’t claim her.” He snorts.

"Too bad," you tease back, looping your arm through his cousin's. "She's delightful and I'm adopting her immediately."

“She’s not housebroken.” He warns, ducking the playful swat she aims towards him.

"Neither is my brother, and we let him into the White House," you snort, laughing even harder when Selena snickers.

Matthew chuckles and he pats his son on the shoulder. “Too late now, son, Selena has charmed her.” He advises.

"I steal hearts," the woman beside you jokes, throwing you an exaggerated wink. "My parents named me after Selena Kyle. It's not my fault."

“Last year you said you were named after Selena Quintanilla-Pérez.” He reminds her with a grin, slapping away her hand again and tapping her chin fondly. “You were lying?” Of course she was, considering she was nine when Selena rose to fame.

"You should keep the Catwoman reference," you advise her with a grin. "Mysterious and nerdy. Very sexy choices."

“See?” Selena smugly grins at Marcus. “Your soulmate has taste.”

Marcus can’t help but grin at that. “So I keep hearing.”

“I have the very best taste.” You agree with that assessment wholeheartedly, leaning back over to Marcus to kiss his cheek.

That makes him laugh quietly and he leans in to hug Selena. “You do. Especially in soulmates.” He teases.

“Oh no.” Pretending to be grossed out, Selena rolls her eyes dramatically but is smiling fully at seeing her cousin happy. “Did you finally find someone as gross as you are when you’re in love?”

“Grosser.” Marcus hums, grinning at you lovingly. “My perfect match.”

“Stop hogging them!” A voice calls out from halfway down the yard, and yet another of Marcus’s smiling cousins can be seen lounging on a picnic table. “We all need to get our annual harassment in, ya know!”

“Oh god.” Marcus hangs his head, even as he laughs. He knows everything is in good fun and he will be harassing them right back.

Thank god for the nametags. You'd be utterly lost without them, even after the flashcards you made for yourself with permission from Marcus to scout his Facebook page for photos of his family. There are just too many of them. The conversations swirl and so do the introductions, but Marcus sticks with you. By the time everyone starts eating the conversation dies down a little and you find yourself at a table with Marcus, his parents, Selena, and her twin sister Harper. Plates of barbecue and cold salads come with fresh glasses of cold sweet tea or cans of soda, and the most relaxed atmosphere of chaos you've been in the middle of in a long time. In your book, this is vastly preferable to a State dinner.

“So what do you think?” Even Agent Bailey has a plate and a drink in her hand, talking to Rodger, one of his dad’s oldest friends. He always comes to these weeks. “She’s gonna relax some?”

"Seems like it." The sight of Agent Bailey socializing is like a miracle to you. A unicorn in real life if ever you saw one. "Any chance your Dad's friend is a beer guy? I found out last week that Agent Bailey brews her own as a hobby and I am endlessly fascinated by all the niche hobbies I keep finding out she has."

Marcus chuckles. “Rodger owns the brewery that supplies the Rangers with the Pike’s Pints.” He explains. “So he’s kind of a renaissance man when it comes to beer.”

"So she has a new best friend?" You laugh, leaning into his side as you eat. "That's fantastic. I hope she has some new ideas to be excited about by the time the week is out."

“My question is this…when does she have time?” He asks, shaking his head. “She’s always with you.”

"I don't think she sleeps." It's a question you've asked yourself plenty of times, but have yet to find an answer. "Apparently she has a dog and a husband and everything? A whole damn life. I'm so glad that doing the job she does hasn't kept her from it."

“Holy shit.” He snorts and looks back at the woman in question with more than slight admiration. “She’s a superhero.”

"She really is." There's no denying that whatsoever.

The meal progresses and his mother smiles at you. “So please, tell me about your inn.” She insists. “Marcus said that you have created a beautiful oasis.”

"It's my happy place." The question – and the description – make you beam. "And...sort of my first child, as well. I bought it from the previous owners a few years ago and my best friend runs the restaurant. It's a beautiful historical property in Alexandria, just outside of DC."

“It sounds like it’s your baby.” She smiles happily and nods. “He has had nothing but praise for it, and you, since his first phone call.”

"He's been wonderfully supportive. I couldn't ask for a more understanding or helpful partner." You do flash him a grin, though, and decide to rat him out to his mother just a tiny bit. "I do think the restaurant is at least half the reason he spends so much time there, though. It's amazing."

“He has always led with his stomach.” Donna snorts, shooting you a conspiratorial grin. “When he was a teen, he was always starving.” She intones dramatically.

"Isn't that how all teenage boys are made?" The laugh you share isn't at his expense, just shared amusement, and you pick up your sandwich again. "At least, my brother was always that way. I swear he ate six meals a day from ages twelve to twenty."

Marcus laughs and Donna rolls her eyes. “Marcus still sometimes eats six meals a day.” She snorts. “At least that’s the way it sounds when he calls. Always snacking.”

“That’s probably my fault these days,” you admit with a guilty grin. “I’m a snacker. Maybe that’s just another fun little quirk in the broad scheme of things.”

“I just have to run more.” Marcus chuckles, picking up a pickle spear and biting it in half. “So I can still beat everyone here stealing second.”

“We’ll see.” Selena narrows her eyes at him in challenge. “I’ve been training.”

“Oh you have, have you?” Marcus snorts and winks at his cousin. “Twenty bucks says I steal more bases than you.”

“Fine,” Selena shrugs, smirking as she leans back in her seat. “I’ll be out there stealing more hearts, anyway.”

“I’ve already got the heart I want.” Marcus informs her, picking up your hand and kissing the back of it dramatically.

“I love you, too.” Over the weeks, the promise has become stronger between the two of you and little daydreams about the future don’t seem so far off anymore — though you haven’t really planned anything beyond agreeing that you want to be together.

"See?" He smirks towards Selena with a fluttering of his lashes. "She loves me, so I am complete."

“You’re completely gross and I’m very happy for you,” Selena teases back. “You’ll have the picturesque wedding you always dreamed of, and a million kids, and make an east coast version of Pike Place.”

"Ohhhhh." He tilts his head curiously as he looks back at you. "Modern day Kennedy Compound?" He suggests. "Our version of Hyannis Port at the inn?"

“That’s a lot bigger than a little colonial cottage at the back of the grounds,” you remind him, but the idea makes your chest swell with absolute love. “But I think if we build at the back of the property we could do a bigger house and get away with it. People wouldn’t even be able to tell the two are connected.”

He smiles at the idea. "We will have to find out who owns the property adjoining yours." He hums. "Expand."

“So you’re already talking about a family, then?” His father, obviously enamored of the thought, smiles broadly. His son has always been a family man, even when that definition just meant his best friends were his cousins.

"We are planning out a lot of things." Marcus admits with a grin, unable to contain the happiness at the idea. "Not sure when that's going to happen, but we are on the same page."

“Maybe sometime before we’re too old and gray to travel all the way to DC?” Matthew jokes, although he’s only half joking.

You groan quietly and Marcus smirks as he looks at you expectantly. "Told you." He laughs. "You said your parents would be first, but I knew it was going to be mine."

“I’m still shocked my Dad didn’t bring it up at dinner last night,” you admit. You had been absolutely certain that your folks would use Friday night dinner as a chance to interview you about your intentions as a couple.

"I'm sure he wanted to." He laughs. "But we've classified that as Need To Know." He jokes.

“That may be the only way to survive with them.” Still, you can’t help but let the smile grow on your face. “By their standards, we’re taking positively forever.”

"I guess that means we should just run off to Vegas and get married." Marcus teases with a wink. "Really mess with their expectations."

“We would have four parents very upset with us,” you remind him. Every time you joke about getting married or have a little daydream it just sounds better and better, but you would never push him to elope. His family means to much to him, just like yours does to you.

"Yes they would." Donna points her fork at him playfully. "I don't care how you get married, I just want to be there."

“Yes ma’am.” That gets an instant agreement from you — not at all ready to set the precedence of going against your future mother-in-law about something like this.

"Good." She smiles in approval and smirks at her husband. "We will clear our schedules whenever they decide on a date."

"Well," you laugh, leaning into Marcus's side. "I guess you were right about not needing to worry over their approval."

“The fact that I love you is all my parents ever need to know.” He smiles and Matthew nods. “Marcus has a good head on his shoulders and a heart of gold. With you being his soulmate, you have to be the same.”

For dinner on your second night in Texas, Marcus promises to take care of everything and disappears with a grin on his face while his mother and Selena take you on a long walk around the large gardens of the compound. Anticipating a little girl talk and some bonding with his family, you had readily agreed.

“So how are you liking Texas, Birdie?” Donna asks curiously as the three of you stroll in the warm morning. You have been a dream to have visit and it’s obvious that you adore Marcus, so she has loved you being here. She just wants to make sure the feeling is mutual.

“It’s beautiful.” It’s not too hot yet, being the beginning of April, and walking around the compound is a nice way to settle in and work off the big breakfast everyone had this morning. “I’ve only been here once before and this is far less stressful.”

“I am sure the campaign trail was never relaxing.” She sympathizes softly. “Although, if you have to take up the trail again, we can offer you a respite from the questions and prying wherever we can.” With being her baby’s soulmate, she will be just as protective over you.

“I’m sure when re-election comes, I’ll be volunteering to come to Texas again just to be able to see my in-laws.” The thought is actually relaxing, to be able to take respite with such kind people, but the in-laws part excites you a bit.

“In-laws.” She beams when you say that. “Now I promise I won’t insist that you call me ‘mother’ or anything, but I hope that we can be friends.”

“Let’s start with Donna and Birdie and go from there,” you suggest, smiling just as broadly as she is. “I absolutely want us to be friends. Marcus loves you all so much and I know it means the world to him.”

“He is our only child, and we want him to be happy.” She promises. “But that doesn’t mean smothering him or not letting him live his life.” She laughs. “Matthew almost had a heart attack when he came home one break to find Marcus with shoulder length hair and an earring. But he never said a word.”

“Oh, please tell me you have pictures of that.” Marcus had told you about his long hair phase, but claimed no photos remained. You’ve been hoping that his parents have one tucked away somewhere.

Donna grins. “I have them all.” She promises. “Snuck them up to the attic before he could burn them.”

“He looks like the nerdiest member of Nirvana,” Selena snorts, giggling with the jovial malice only family can truly master.

“He was…too polite to really pull off the grunge look.” Donna admits, smiling at Selena’s almost evil outlook.

“He’s such a sweetheart.” There are hearts in your eyes when you say it and you don’t care to hide them one bit. “It’s—he’s better than I could have dreamed of for myself. Truly.”

“I have to confess….” Donna looks out over the gardens and sighs. “I have been so very worried about Marcus. He’s is such a loving man. He always has been, from the time he was a baby. But when he called me to say he had discovered his soulmate…” she looks back at you. “I was so very afraid that you wouldn’t understand his heart.”

“How do you mean?” She obvious cares for her son very deeply, and you do want to make sure that the relationship you have with her is honest. No misunderstandings if you can help it — which means asking for clarification. “Because he’s so giving and quick to jump in headfirst?”

“Yes….and no.” She admits. “Marcus is….well, he’s a caretaker. A fixer. You have a problem, he comes up with a solution. You feel tired and down, he will take some of your burden and try to cheer you up.” She sighs softly. “Oftentimes, so many women have been conditioned to be strong, independent, so they view that as misogyny or finding them helpless. It’s insulting to them and they resent him for it.”

“They don’t understand that offering care is his way of being supportive. It’s not that he doesn’t think they can do it themselves, it’s that he views being helpful as a romantic gesture as much as anything else.” You nod, understanding that entirely. “I think the hardest part for Marcus and me right now is that we’re both like that a lot of the time. Which means we’re constantly doing little fixes or giving little gifts or making little gestures. We’re still finding the balance.”

“That makes me feel better.” She admits with a smile. “You understand his need in doing it.”

“He wants me to know I don’t have to do it alone,” you acknowledge, offering her a smile as you walk. “And I want to make sure he knows the same.”

“You two truly are soulmates.” She chuckles. “And I have never been more happy to say those words.”

“Just as happy as I am to hear them, I promise you.” Stopping in your steady tracks, you touch her arm gently and offer her a slightly more serious look. “A lot of people interpreted the things I said on the campaign trail to mean that I’m against soulmates, but I’m absolutely not. I just don’t think anyone should be discriminated against for who they love. Anyone, and unfortunately a lot of people still believe only soulmates should be able to get married.”

“Those people…in my most professional opinion…” Donna snorts. “Are assholes.”

“Agreed.” You nod your head but Selena snorts at her aunts phrasing as the three of you start walking again.

“Do you have any specific plans while you are here?” Donna asks, curious if you had wanted to spend the entire time at the compound.

“I want to see whatever Marcus wants to show me.” It seems like an easy answer, but honestly you’re just here to meet his family and spent time with your soulmate. Anything more is a bonus. “Or anything you guys have in mind. I just…” you shrug in admission. “I never take vacations. So I’m reminding myself not to worry about work and trying to relax.”

“A workaholic.” She smirks slightly. “Something I’m very well-versed in.” She teases.

"Can't exactly stop yourself from taking work home with you when you live at work," you admit with a grin.

“As long as it’s work you love, I don’t see a problem with it.” Donna tells you.

"I really do." They already know that, of course, from how much and how proudly you talk about the inn. But still, you're beaming. "Marcus suggested we look at building our house on the property since I already own it, and I think it's only going to be a little while before we start in on that plan."

Building something together is something that Donna highly approves of. She nods. “Word of advice?” She offers with a smirk. “Have a general contractor negotiate any and all disagreements.”

"Noted," you agree instantly, knowing that Marcus's parents have a whole lifetime of experience in this particular area.

“It will solve a lot of arguments.” She rolls her eyes and laughs. “Over tile size!”

When Selena snorts out a laugh you have to suppose it's a family joke or at least and a family story, and you laugh too. "It's always something small, isn't it?"

“Yep.” She shakes her head and laughs. “One fight was about if the dishwasher should be on the left or right side of the sink.” She huffs. “Matthew rarely loaded the dishwasher, but thought that it continuously unfair to live in a right handed world as a leftie.” She rolls her eyes again, although it’s more amusement than annoyance.

Small things always seem large when they're under the microscope, and you can see how those things could get out of hand. But fortunately, from what you and Marcus have talked about so far, you're mostly on the same page right from the start. "I can see us tussling over little things pretty easily, but I think it will all turn out pretty well in the end. It's definitely a solid way to work through our skills in compromise and communication, though."

“Marcus knows how to communicate.” She promises. “He’s good at it, and if he’s not, I’ll give you free sessions.” She jokes, knowing the last thing any couple would want is to have an in-law involved.

"You'll be glad to hear that I have an excellent therapist to help me handle stressors and any manner of other unexpected event in my life that I need extra help in processing." The importance of simply having an impartial third party is not lost on you, but having a professionally trained and educated one is all the more important when possible stressors could include death threats sent to your family members.

“Very glad.” She nods and reaches out to pat your hand gently. “You are under a lot of pressure. That is obvious.”

"When we get back I have a meeting at the White House." Though you shudder for dramatic emphasis, it is unnerving. Those meetings about social outreach and the image of the First Family had gone well for Junie and Alex but since you're fairly certain what your mother will ask of you, you're dreading it.

“If you ever want to talk, just to vent, you can call me.” Donna offers softly. “Not in a professional capacity, although anything you say would be kept between us.”

"I really appreciate that." It's not something she has to offer. Not at all. But you're so grateful that your soulmate's parents have so far turned out to be wonderful people.

“Of course.” You might not take her up on the offer, but she wanted to extend it.

"And I hope you know you're always welcome in DC. Anytime, no hesitations." You swing back to grin at Selena on your other side. "You too. We could use another partner in crime."

“I am absolutely going to come visit.” Donna promised, and Selena nods eagerly. “Me too! I want to see this inn.”

"If you want to come and stay there, I'll have a word with the owner," you joke, and throw in a wink.

“And the food.” Donna insists. “Marcus has raved about your best friend, Sydney.”

"She's an absolute goddess." You promise them both. Building up your friends and loved ones is always easy for you. "Just the most talented chef you could possibly imagine. And an amazing person, to boot."

“She has to be.” Selena isn’t joking this time. “Marcus doesn’t waste time on people who aren’t amazing.” Now she gives a small, preening grin. “Which is why he loves me so much.” She jokes.

“I know what it is.” After about one full day of hanging out with Selena, you’ve narrowed down why it is that you are so comfortable with her, and it makes you laugh endlessly. “You’re exactly halfway between my best friend and my brother. Who are two of my top three favourite people in the world, despite the crap I give my little brother on a daily basis.”

“That sounds like a high compliment if I’ve ever heard one.” She laughs. “I’m the little sister Marcus never wished he had.”

“He loves all of you like siblings.” Even if he hadn’t said so explicitly, it’s easy to tell.

“We grew up together.” She agrees. “Even if we lived apart, summers together were important. Holidays spent driving each other and our parents crazy.” There’s a fond smile on her face. “Hopefully our kids will experience the same things.”

“I hope so, too.” The idea head settled into your bones and made you sunny with daydreams. “My siblings’ kids, too. The biggest family we can possibly make for them, since we never had any cousins growing up.”

“Pikes tend to assimilate the families that join them.” Donna shoots you a grin. “They are like the Borg.”

“That’s how we collected friends when I was a kid,” you laugh. The Pikes are definitely not like the Borg — they all feel far too much for that and you adore it. “Make friends with one of the three of us and suddenly you were just another family member.”

“That sounds familiar.” Selena snorts. “We love having people around. The more the merrier.”

“Absolutely.” The morning sun has hit the top of the sky but it’s not too hot, just making you stop warding off the crisp breeze as it disappears into a mellow midday.

“If you don’t mind me asking…” Selena hesitates. “There was some talk about you dating a Congressman?”

There it is. You were wondering how long it would take someone to ask the very fair question. At least it’s Selena and not Cousin Terry’s wife Hannah who seems to distrust you purely for being the daughter of a politician. Which…is also fair…just not a stereotype that applies to you personally. “I was. For almost a year. I was still seeing him when Marcus and I met, but…” you shrug your shoulders a little, with honesty in the sheepishness. “I fell in love with Marcus so fast, and so deeply. Even if he hadn’t turned out to be my soulmate, I still would have ended things with my ex.”

“I didn’t want to pry, I just hadn’t seen anything about a break up and wanted to know if you were ‘public’ yet.” Selena reassures you. “There’s already been a message in the family chat about not posting while we are here on social media. So we don’t potentially ‘out’ your relationship.”

“It will be out by Easter.” Breathing a sigh of relief isn’t subtle, so you swallow it down and simply tighten your smile into an affirmative. “He’s coming to the Easter Egg Roll at the White House with me. After that, just…try to be conscious of people asking about family photos? If you’ve got ones with Marcus and me in them, we’ll just ask everyone to keep them private. You know, friends only.”

“We are used to that.” She nods and sends you a smile. “We’ve got your back. Don’t worry. No one here is going to judge you. Besides Hannah.” She snorts. “And let’s be honest, she’s a bitch.” Donna chokes out a laugh, quickly smothered, and swats at Selena’s butt from behind you. “Selena!” She scolds, obviously still trying not to laugh.

“Oh.” This time the relief whooshes out of you, but you end up laughing. “So it’s not just me?”

“Hannah is…the least comfortable with the easy, familial closeness of our family.” Donna snorts. “When she first started coming, there was an…accusation.” She hums delicately.

“What could poss—” As soon as your mind spins on it for long enough to actually ask the question, your mouth falls open in horror. “Oh my god! That’s—obviously, obviously I don’t think that. Please know that I have never ever thought that.”

“You don’t think I’m sleeping with Terry?” Selena snorts. “Thank God!”

“No, I definitely do not think you’re sleeping with your first cousin,” you laugh but still shudder.

“Apparently, Hannah doesn’t believe men and women can be friends. Not even relatives.” Selena shrugs. “So if it seems like all the female cousins keep their distance from Terry, it’s not because he’s a pervert. He’s actually amazing. His soulmate is just fucking nuts.”

“Got it.” Even though you flash a thumbs up in acknowledgment, all you can think of is how glad you are that Marcus didn’t stay with Vanessa. She would have hated this for the exact same reason. Probably been Hannah’s only ally.

“Hannah isn’t all bad.” Donna adds, trying to soften it some. “Just….a little…set in her ways. But honestly, this is the only time of year they come. They rarely join other holidays.” She looks over at you. “And pleased don’t think that we expect you to come for every holiday, but we will invite you.”

“We’ll come as often as we can.” You can promise that easily, though you know sometimes he’ll have to work and you’ll have to be at official events with your family. “It…will be easier once my mother is out of office.”

“I understand.” Donna is well aware of the demands of public figures. She had to be seen at a certain number of games and it was her own personal mission to attend the post seasons games any time Matthews’s teams made it. “Just know that we want what is best for you.”

“And that is so much more appreciated than you could know.” Maybe she does. Maybe she understands every bit of it. But because you appreciate the honesty of the words from your soulmate’s mother so much more than you expected to, you leave the phrasing as it is. No stumbling or correcting.

Donna winks at you and links her arm through yours. “You and I are going to be good friends.” She predicts with a happy smile. Marcus is over the moon in love with you and from what she could see, you are much the same. There is nothing more than Donna could ever wish for her baby, to find a smart, loving, good person – and you fit that bill perfectly.

Most of the day is spent in the massive pool down by the bunkhouse, with a little day drinking and a whole lot of horsing around and even a little heckling when some of the cousins got into a competition over best diving form — which quickly degraded into silliest dive. Now it’s sunset, and you’ve thrown a shirt and shorts over your dried out swimsuit for Marcus’s surprise.

“Hey babe.” Marcus finds you again, smiling at the relaxed smile on your face and he hands you a new drink. “You look like you’ve had a good time.”

"Well howdy stranger!" A slight affectation in your voice is just to make him laugh, and you grin when it succeeds. "Where have you been all day? Did you have fun with your Dad?" Matthew Pike had disappeared after breakfast along with his son, and when you had remarked on it to Donna during your walk, she had just said not to worry.

“Of course.” He grins, unable to stop himself as he moves over to caress your neck. “I was taking care of a few things for tonight. Why? Did you miss me?”

"Every second." And you don't care who knows it either. You sit up in your chair and stretch a little more to kiss him, catching the fresh scent of the bodywash he favors as it mixes with his bergamot and musk cologne. He's fresh and clean and it makes you wonder what he's been up to as much as it makes you want to drag him up to his bedroom.

“Good.” He smirks against your lips and offers you his hand as he steps out of your sphere. “Come on.”

"Ooo, is it surprise time?" The look of delight on your face is undisguised as you readily take his hand to pop up from your seat. "I'm all yours."

“Yes you are.” He beams about that fact as he pulls you closer. “Say goodnight to everyone, Birdie.” He hums quietly. “We probably won’t see them again tonight.”

"Good night everybody!" You wave immediately, wrapping your arm around Marcus's waist and barely sparing a backward glance in favor of grinning up at him.

“Damn.” He whistles as he guides you away from the pool and over to the truck. He’s already talked to agent Bailey and cleared things with her, so he just nods as the two of you pass by.

“Damn what?” You pose, laughing a little as you wonder if he’s amused at how quickly you’re ready to leave just about anyone behind to spend time with him.

“I could be a kidnapper and you would just go willingly.” He teases, reaching out and tugging on your ear gently.

“You’d be the best looking kidnapper around and Agent Bailey would have a hell of a time bringing me home,” you tease, hopping into the pickup when he opens the passenger door for you.

“Yep, you have Stockholm Syndrome.” He teases, leaning in to steal one more kiss before he closes the door and hurries around the hood.

Once he’s back in the cab beside you, you flash him a grin. “Belle got a library, I got the softest dom in the whole world and awesome in-laws. I’m okay with it.”

“Softest dom?” He snorts, tilting his head while he tries, and fails to look offended. “I’m a hard dom.” He protests.

"How hard you fuck me when we get going is not what I mean," you clarify, settling into the corner of the seat as he starts to drive the two of you across the compound. "You have the softest heart in the world and I feel very lucky to be the one you've decided to give it to."

“I know.” He promises. “I was teasing. I want you to be happy, healthy and loved. That’s all I want.”

"I am. All three, absolutely." Leaning against his shoulder on the drive, you hum slightly and end up sounding a little sheepish as you look out the window. "I missed you today. Even though we weren't apart too long."

He chuckles slightly and lifts your hand to press a kiss to your knuckles and scrapes his teeth over the delicate skin. “I’ll show you how hard of a dom I am.” He teases. “I’ll put a collar on you.”

Not expected that reaction from him, you make a remarkably incoherent noise of interest and surprise before turning your head to look at him. "Don't tempt me with a good time, Pike."

He had been joking, but the way you react has him pausing. “Is that something you’re interested in?” He keeps the question casual, not wanting to seem like he’s pushing or judging, he’s doing neither.

"I always thought it sounded kind of sexy," you admit, wondering if he was just joking and not serious at all. "I mean it's not like...like something mandatory for me to be happy in a relationship, obviously. If--if you're not into that and at all and you were just joking—"

“Baby.” Marcus squeezes your hand. “Anything you are interested in is something we can talk about. If it’s an absolute no, then I’ll explain why. But I think it sounds kind of sexy too. Collars don’t have to be spiked dog collars where I pull you around on a leash and make you bark.” He snorts.

"A lot of day collars just look like cute little necklaces." Alright, you may or may not have done a little looking into it a few years ago with the guy you were seeing at the time. He was long gone now, but the idea had remained in your head. It was not something Sam would have gone for so it had never been brought up to him.

His brow ticks up, noting your interests and he hums. “They do.” He agrees. “Something sexy about being claimed, isn’t there?”

"Absolutely." He turns left at a pair of apple trees on the western part of the compound and keeps going, while you continue to snuggle next to him like a contented house cat. "I mean...I'm wearing a Pike family nametag. That's about as claimed as it gets."

“Not quite.” Marcus chuckles. “There’s definitely more claiming that can be done.”

"Is that a promise?" You tease, grin growing a little wider when he turns toward a tree line up ahead.

“Absolutely.” He follows the less worn paths through the trees, although it’s obvious from the tire marks through the grass road that someone has been there recently.

"So can I have a hint about where we're going?" This isn't a part of the property that you've been to yet and it's beautifully woodsy in a distinctly Southwestern way that you're finding fantastic.

“You’ll see.” The tree line gives way to clearing and Marcus smiles as the pond comes into view. “Right now.”

The little clearing in the trees is picture perfect. It looks more like a movie set than real life, the tree-lined pond ringed with fairy lights sitting side-by-side with a red and white checked gingham blanket and large picnic basket, and a small cooler to boot. "Baby," you sigh out the endearment excitedly. He knows you love surprises -- your family told him so -- but you weren't expecting anything. That, of course, it was makes surprises so wonderful.

“Now you know what I’ve been doing all day.” He tells you as the truck pulls to a stop close to the picnic sight. “Wanted to make this perfect.”

"It's gorgeous!" You breathe, practically squeaking with excitement as you turn to snuggle into his side as soon as he parks the truck. "Is this your old make out spot? Because if it is? It's an awesome choice."

“Maybe a few times?” Marcus shrugs his shoulders and gives you a boyish grin. “Not too many times.”

"Could make it one more." The exaggerated wink you aim at him makes both of you laugh. "If you wanted to, I mean."

“That was my evil plan.” Marcus admits without any remorse. “Bring you out here, woo you, make out with you.”

"Pretty good plan." Right about now he could undo your seatbelt and haul you into his lap in the truck and you wouldn't protest even for a second. "It's absolutely gorgeous, baby."

“Wanted to give you a special night.” He’s explains, unlatching his seatbelt so he can open the door and walk around to help you out.

“Every night with you is special.” As soon as you’re out of the truck you press in to kiss him, enjoying the lingering warmth of the early evening.

“So you’d rather go have dinner with everyone else than have a romantic picnic by the pond?” Marcus asks, reaching for the door handle. “We can go back…”

“Ohhhhh no.” You shake your head immediately. “We’re staying right here. In our perfect little oasis.”

“I thought you would say that.” Marcus chuckles as he takes your hand to guide you over to the blanket. “I brought wine, but we don’t have to drink anything stronger than lemonade.”

“Wine sounds nice.” You’ve been moderate in your drinking today, having two cups of water for every alcoholic beverage and making sure to eat, so you’re not worried about being too inebriated. “And very romantic, but I don’t ever doubt that from you.”

“Well. I know that it might not be the fanciest, but I wanted to make an effort.” He grins at your praise and both of you sit down on the checkered spread.

“You’re perfect level of fancy for me.” Once you sit down here starts to unpack things, and you fidget slightly on the blanket. “But…Speaking of…of that? I wondered if I could talk to you about an idea that I had.” The actual thought has been rolling around in your head for a while for uncomfortable reasons, but now that it’s Marcus it’s actually a nice thing you don’t mind dreaming about a little.

“Speaking of fancy….” He chuckles. “Alright. I’ll pour out the wine. You pitch me your idea and we will strategize.” He jokes as he opens the top to the wicker basket and produces two, picnic friendly wine glasses and sets them down to retrieve the wine from the cooler.

“Unless you had something else you wanted to talk about?” Maybe that’s what this beautiful picnic is and you’ve usurped the purpose of the night by jumping the gun, you can’t be sure.

“I’m wanting to talk about whatever you want, my love.” He promises as he uses the corkscrew to open the bottle.

“Very accommodating of you.” But that’s Marcus and you know it. Instead you focus on opening up the containers he’s packed away that are holding your dinner. “Do you remember I told you that my mother wants the three of us kids to all do…sort of…family publicity type stuff? Like Junie getting a dog and being willing to be public about it?”

“Yes.” He nods and pours out the wine into each glass. “You didn’t sound terribly enthusiastic about it, although you tried to put on a good front.”

“I’m not terribly enthusiastic about it.” You can admit that, especially to him. “Which is why I’m not sure if this idea is selfish or not.”

“Honey….” Marcus hands you the wine and takes the container with the cheese from you to open. “You are not a politician, you don’t seek the spotlight. Sharing yourself with the public in a way you need isn’t selfish.” He’s pretty much guessed that it has to be some idea about your relationship, and he’s okay with that.

“It’s selfish because it’s something I’m asking you to do with me.” The wine glass is cold in your hand, a soothing and grounding change from the warm day. Although now that the sun’s down it will be cool sooner rather than later. “Because I’m more comfortable and more confident with you beside me in that spotlight.”

“Whatever you need.” Marcus promises. “Undercover work was never exactly fun for me, and I’m out as a UA now that the picture of us dancing was posted in the papers.”

“I feel like I ought to apologize.” The wine he chose is fruity and dry, much more complex than you would but for yourself despite his claim that it’s not fancy.

“No, sweetheart, please don’t.” Marcus shakes his head. “I was aware pictures would be taken. It was my own choice. And I don’t regret it for a second.”

“I didn’t know art crimes required undercover work. Though I suppose it makes perfect sense now that I think about it.” And you’re definitely stalling, but you push it further by assembling a charcuterie bite from the containers around you.

“It’s rare, but I only took the last assignment where I went undercover was because I needed to get away after things ended with Teresa.” He explains.

"Well, you'll have nothing like that reason ever again." The idea of Marcus with a broken heart is too much to stomach, and the coping mechanism of assembling the perfect charcuterie bite for him now pushing the thought out of your mind.

“I know.” It’s freeing to know that you two are very much in the same pages. Despite the fact that being soulmates does guarantee happiness, you and him will do everything to make sure that your story is a good one.

"So...the thing I wanted to talk to you about..." Enough stalling. Time to be an adult. "Is not because I want to push you, or rush you, or anything like that. But...because I keep thinking about it and thinking that getting ahead of the curve is the only way to really control it, and controlling it will be so much less stressful and make half as much work in the long run."

You’re cute when you’re flustered, Marcus leans back on the blanket, completely relaxed as he takes a sip of his wine. “So are we talking televised wedding? Or just pictures?” He asks.

"We are not broadcasting the wedding." That's the point at which you draw the line, you already know that. It's too much. Too invasive even for a family in the public eye. "I was thinking more like...letting photos be released along the way. Like sharing engagement photos, or photos of dresses that I don't pick. Things like that?"

“I’m perfectly fine with that.” It’s an easy agreement, one that has him lifting a brow. “That was all?”

"Even if that includes sharing photos of your bachelor party or sitting down with a reporter yourself?" The fact that he's willing to agree to it so easily is utterly shocking to you, and you feel like you have to do your due diligence and double check. "Or even share part of the proposal?"

“Whatever you feel comfortable with.” Marcus agrees. “It’s like the family days at the parks or when mom and dad would have interviews.”

Sometimes you really do forget that he already has a frame of reference for all of this. That he understands being a family in the spotlight. You take a sip of your wine and build him another bite from the charcuterie containers, offering it to him with a grateful smile. "I love you. Completely. I really hope you know how grateful I am for you."

“Why don’t we plan to have photos released from our engagement, you and I can sit down with a reporter about the expectations of soulmates and politics. There can be a website for all this with links to charities or causes that you want to champion or bring to light?”

"I don't understand how you get even more perfect." When he takes the cracker from your hand you run a finger under his jaw and end up feeling heat in your cheeks all over again. "When we get back I'll talk to Mom and whoever from her team is supposed to be coordinating my media stuff. And..." That same hand of yours squeezes his knee gently. "This is not me trying to rush you into anything. I'm sure we'll get enthusiastic and rush all on our own."

“Us?” He feigns surprise and smirks slightly. “Maybe we will, maybe we will surprise ourselves.” He turns and kisses the palm of your hand. “But I doubt it.”

"I doubt it, too." It's a kiss from his lips that you want most, and lean forward to steal it without shame. "But I love that we're on the same page so easily."

“So after that birthday….um, debacle…” he makes a face. “Are you totally opposed to the idea of a surprise proposal or what?”

"As long as it's you proposing, a surprise is fine." Debacle is the right word, and you roll your eyes slightly. "I actually do love surprises. Mom told you that."

“You might have changed your mind.” The sun is setting and right on cue, the fairy lights that he had spent the majority of the day stringing around the pond come on.

The way you coo at the change in lighting is full of delight, and you lean into his side on the blanket with nothing short of delight on your face. "See this is why I love surprises. For things like this."

“I was hoping you would like it.” Marcus grins as you stare in loving awe of the lights as they play off the water and the sunset.

"You know...the back of the property at the inn has a little pond like this." You lean back against him and enjoy the view around you. "There's nothing around it really, so I haven't thought about putting a garden there or anything. But...it could be in the backyard of our house if we wanted it to."

“I think we could do that.” Marcus smirks and reaches out to touch the rim of his glass against yours. “Our own little escape.”

"And it's far enough back from the inn to soothe your very sweet concern over historically matching buildings." Which you love, but you don't want him to get so hung up on it that he ends up sacrificing another aspect of the house he might truly love.

“You have something else in mind?” He asks, wondering if you want something different for how you raise your children and where you live.

"I don't really know a hell of a lot about architectural styles," you admit. "I just don't want us to miss out on our dream house because we got stuck on making the buildings match. We can set our house back enough that it will have its own space."

“Any house that has you and our family in it is my dream house.” He promises, smiling at you happily.

"I love you, too." In a way that makes you feel like your heart is going to swell right out of your chest, but in the absolute best possible way.

“I know you do.” Marcus murmurs softly, wondering how he got so lucky with you. “I am a lucky man.”

Leaning back lets you kiss him, just a soft thing but tender and full of desire and promise before you pull back and smile at him softly. "I guess we're both lucky, then."

“Oh!” Marcus pulls out his phone, forgetting that he had programmed it and opens it up to the music app to start playing music. “Forgot that part.” He huffs. “Too eager to pour wine.”

You know even on the first song that it's a playlist of love songs. There is nothing more supremely on point for Marcus than a night like this, with all of the magic that he's infused into this beautiful little dinner. "I don't know how, but you keep making it better every second."

“That’s high praise.” He hums, putting together a bite for you and holding it out for you to eat. “I’ve enjoyed having you to spoil.”

“And you’re about the only person in the world I’ll ever let do it.” The admission comes with a laugh, and you place another soft kiss on his cheek. “Thank you for suggesting this trip, love.”

“I’m glad you got to come.” He admits with a smile as you take the offered bite and groan at the taste. “I know it was hard to take off last minute and I appreciate it. Next time we will have it planned better.”

“It’s less that it’s hard and more that I get very determined about being hands on,” you admit. “Malachi can run that place in his sleep during the day, and my managers are great. I just…always worry.”

“It’s your baby.” Marcus acknowledges easily. “It’s like a case for me. My team is incredibly proficient at their jobs, but if there is a stake out or some kind of op to be run, I like being there.”

“I’m grateful you understand.” Others hadn’t, and so the fact that Marcus is supportive of your need for work as well as your need for a family is very much appreciated. “And Sydney was joking about sending care packages to your stake outs if you wanted them, so I think your team is about to be very happy, too.”

“If she did, she would become an unofficial member of the team.” Marcus snorts. “They wouldn’t be happy with pizza anymore.”

“I’d have even more FBI agents on my doorstep,” you giggle at the image. “There’s already three of you, we’ll need to designate a dining room or something.”

“The Fed Room.” Marcus snorts, grinning at the idea. “It would never be empty.”

“Syd may have thrown a tiny bit of a fit when I told her I don’t want her to cater any of our wedding stuff,” you admit, cringing slightly as Marcus starts to open another round of containers from the picnic basket. “But she’s my best friend and will be my maid of honor. I want her there by my side, not stuck in the kitchen.”

“How about she can cater the engagement party?” Marcus suggests. “That way she’s involved but it’s not taking over her enjoying your wedding day.”

“I wasn’t even thinking about an engagement party.” The compromise makes you turn up your chin to look at him with wide, starry eyes. “It’s perfect. Just like you, love.”

“We have to have a party.” Marcus teases, kissing your nose. “The press can have the story of my proposal and the engagement party. That’s also a good way to keep our actual engagement to ourselves.”

“I’m so fucking glad you’re with me on this.” The honest laugh is stifled but full of relief as you lounge with him in the blanket. “I would never think of any of this and I’d just end up stressed out or going along with whatever anybody else planned to avoid having to think about it.”

“I will fix anything you ever ask me to.” Marcus promises. “But if you ever don’t like something, you never have to worry about me being upset by that.”

“And the same goes for you,” you promise him, with the same measure of seriousness in your eyes and honesty in your voice. “I hope you know that.”

“I know.” He picks up a grape to pop into his mouth. “You and I are very communicative.”

“I feel like I should apologize.” Your voice lowers slightly, the unsureness seeping through it.

“Why?” Marcus frowns slightly, not liking that comment at all. You have nothing to apologize for. He loves that the two of you are talking and planning your lives together.

“Past relationships…have not been as okay with my tendency to talk everything out at length.” It’s not something that you really ever planned on bringing up, since Marcus likes to dream and plan and plot like you do. But maybe it’s good that he knows, since it has slipped out without you meaning to. “I always felt like I was bothering them with it. And ended up apologizing a lot.”

He frowns even more, reaching out after he sets down to his wine glass and pulls you close. “Sweetheart, I want to talk things out. Even if it’s as mundane as brunch locations or if the entryway table should be moved.” He promises. “Please never feel like you should apologize. I want to hear everything you have to say.”

“You might regret saying that when I get going about the logistics of booking rooms for large parties.” It’s a decent attempt at a joke, even if it’s wry, and you lean into Marcus’s comforting warmth with a sigh. “I’m still getting used to the idea that you are as straight forward and wholeheartedly enthusiastic about this entire relationship as I am. It seems surreal but it’s too wonderful to be a dream, so I’m just doing my best to process the whole thing.”

“You process however you need to.” He kisses your forehead. “I’ll be right here to reassure you again. You’re my partner, my lover, and my friend.” He murmurs. “The most important person in the universe to me.”

______

Master Tags: @pixiedurango @chattychell @winter-fox-queen @lady-himbo @artsymaddie @princess76179 @paintballkid711 @missminkylove @pedrosbrat @ew-erin @sarahjkl82-blog @sharkbait77 @justanotherblonde23 @lv7867 @recklesswit @mylittlesenaar @f0rever15elf @gallowsjoker @steeevienicks @athalien @sherala007 @skvatnavle @thatpinkshirt @jaime1110 @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @goodgriefitsawildworld @greeneyedblondie44 @littlemousedroid @harriedandharassed @churchill356 @ajathegreats-blog @haylzcyon   @beardsanddetectives @kirsteng42 @ladykatakuri @adancedivasmom @madiebear @tanzthompson @emilianamason @bigsdinger @xocalliexo @pedr0swh0r3 @avaleineandafryingpan @charlyrmv @avidreader73 @iceclaw101 @loveslide @elegantduckturtle @becsworld @julesonrecord @its-nebuleuse @itsrubberbisquit @mikeyswifie @guelyury @lizzie-cakes @for-a-longlongtime @vabeachazn @purplerain04 @weho2kcmo @madnessofadaydreamer

HHL: @haileymorelikestupid @anoverwhelmingdin @storiesofthefandomlovers @missladym1981 @babeincolor @angelofsmalldeath-codeine

My Masterlist!

[babstheyaga]

PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE INTERACTING WITH MY PAGE >>> Link

Howdy I’m Tyler (More commonly known as Sam), I’m a D.I.D. system and I have Bipolar type I, Borderline Personality disorder, and Acute/Severe Anxiety, all diagnosed. 

I’m a 22 year old, redhead woman with more love for Transformers than I do for my own kin. 

The absolute love of my life is BumbleBee, Optimus, Mirage, and Arcee. I will never apologize for my obsession with them.

Links/Masterlist and tags below...

Tags: #related to fmod - Posts related to my series Fear Me Or Die

#related to fmodr - Posts related to my series Fear Me Or Die Rewritten

#related to cosio - Posts related to my series Come On, Spit It Out!

#related to lmlm - Posts related to my series Love Me, Love Me

#related to fmogd - Posts related to my mini series Fear Me Or Get Detention

#Related to ftlm - Posts related to my series Fear To Love Me

#important - Posts I deem as important in some aspect, if it be an update on something life related, or maybe some art that someone gifted me

#shut up tyler - Normally me ranting about something, but sometimes it's just something that isn't rebloged/not an ask

#god i love asks - All of my posts that revolve around an inbox goes to this tag

#my art - Drawings that I did myself

#long post - Exactly what it reads, it's probably a giant block of text or something, normally a big prompt idea from an ask

#prompt - Not used very often because I normally forget, but used when I write a small like 1-2k words of an idea someone gave me

#I'm sorry I'm not sober - Posts I make while I am drinking alcohol

#!!story update!! - Post alerts for story updates

Links:

My AO3 account My Wattpad account My art/personal blog (i suck at art) @beebaebaby

Fear Me Or Die (Human!Dark!Transformers x Reader)

AO3 - Ch.1 - Ch.2 - Ch.3 - Ch.4 - Ch.5 - Ch.6 - Ch.7 - Ch.8 - Ch.9 - Ch.10 - Ch.11 - Ch.12 - Ch.13 - Ch.14 - Ch.15 - Ch. 16 - Ch.17 - Ch.18 - Ch.19 - Ch.20 - Ch.21 - Ch.22 - Ch.23 - Ch.24 - Ch.25 - Ch.26 - Ch.27 - Ch.28 - Ch.29 - Ch.30 - Ch.31 - Ch.32 - Ch.33 - Ch.34 - Ch.35

Fear To Love Me (FMOD continued)

AO3 - Ch.1 - Ch.2

Come On, Spit It out! (Human!Dark!BumbleBee x Reader)

AO3 - Ch.1 - Ch.2 - Ch.3 - Ch.4 - Ch.5 - Ch.6 - Ch.7 - Ch.8 - Ch.9

Love Me, Love Me (Yandere!BumbleBee x Reader)

AO3 - Ch.1 - Ch.2 - Ch.3

Tear You Apart (Vent/Ryona FMOD variant)

AO3 - Ch.1 - Ch.2

Fear Me Or Die One Shots/AU

It'll Hurt - Jazz Like a Deity - Ratchet Fear Me Or Get Detention Promise - Jazz Losing Track Of Time - Jazz If We Were Vampires - BumbleBee Mr. Cane Corso - Optimus

FMOD playlists

The Husband’s Car Radio The Smoker’s Walkman The Motorist’s Helmet Speaker The Obsessive Detector’s IPod The Wife’s Thoughts The Leader’s Record Player The Doctor's Bluetooth The Wounded Detector's HeadPhones The Soft Detector's AirPods

COSIO playlists

The Tormentor Turned The Obsessed The Bully She’s Trying To Forget The Mute That Talks Too Much Binge Eating In Reserve

[mrbopst]

My Sound Advice column for Brick this week 5/4/2010

I wasn’t always an avowed hippie hater.

In my single digit and early teenage years, I listened to many of the principle players from the late 60’s youth phenomenon (thanks to my father’s record collection) from Dylan to the Byrds, Santana to Jefferson Airplane as well as the one group that not only survived, but prospered long after the Summer of love, The Grateful Dead. Not that I ever owned any of their records myself, but whenever my brother or one of my friends put on, “Box of Rain”, “Uncle John’s Band” or, “Friend of the Devil”, I didn’t complain. Though I would have preferred hearing The Who, Ted Nugent or KISS, it was innocuously pleasant music with the added bonus of being somewhat subversive. For the life of me, I couldn’t understand how they could even remotely be considered rebellious when stacked against my favorite record at the time, “Powerage” by AC/DC, but the older kids, the kids that were smoking pot, seemed to think that they were real scary.

Not being a pot smoker, I assumed they were scary because they had, “dead” in their name.

It wasn’t until years later when I witnessed the Grateful Dead for myself did my hatred blossom for them and the post relevant hippie culture they came to represent. Beyond the meandering, acidic bubbling of Jerry Garcia’s guitar floating over the group’s never ending journey to nowhere, what struck me the most during the 6 times I saw them was the defining lack of thought that epitomized their audience. They were drunken, drug addled idiots. While this stupefaction is evident at any large concert, the vapid hedonism of Grateful Dead crowds was heroic. And that was the allure of Grateful Dead shows: Not to listen to the music, but to get as fucked up as humanly possible. For a band that carried the mantle of the idealism and the hard fought battles of the counter culture movement of the late 60’s, by the time the early 80’s rolled around, the Grateful Dead had withered into forays of laid-back decadence evidenced not only by the drug overdoses of the band members themselves, but the legions of zombies they left in their wake that worshipped them as gods. People think yuppies were bad, but as despicable as those Ronald Reagan, trickle down opportunists were, they were at least making an effort (albeit a questionable one) to better themselves. Latter day hippies on the other hand stood for nothing more than the deadening of one’s head.

And what a long stupid trip it’s been ever since.

Since Papa Jerry’s heroin overdose in 1995, a plethora of jam bands has sought to wear the Grateful Dead’s crown as the number one draw in the financially lucrative and increasingly competitive hippie market. One of the genre’s top concert draws, the Athens, Georgia based Widespread Panic, played two sold out performances at the National recently and agents from the Virginia Alcoholic Beverage Control had a field day making a total 69 arrests, many for underage drinking and drinking in public, in the area around the music hall. It must have been like shooting fish in barrel. "We heard from other law enforcement agencies where the band has played, that some followers of the band may be participating in illegal activities, so we proactively provided a presence," said ABC spokesman, Philip Bogenberger, in an article in the Times Dispatch echoing similar stings authorities have conducted during the group’s recent tour (dubbed, “Operation Don’t Panic”) that resulted in 200 arrests (and an ecstasy overdose) during their performance in Pelham, Alabama and over 60 in Louisville, Kentucky. "What they did to me was totally uncool," said Jason Bartlett, 30, a spreadhead (the Widespread Panic equivalent of being a deadhead) and self-described ski bum from Colorado, who was arrested during the group’s concert in Alabama and spent 20 hours in jail before a friend posted bail for his misdemeanor marijuana arrest. "We don't want to lose our scene. We are trying not to lose our vibe, but we are definitely scared."

Well, dumbass, you should be scared. You better toughen up if you plan on being so stupid.

Beyond the plasma draining effects of jam band music, it’s because of sentiments like this is why I hate hippies. They are docile, easy targets for legal retribution rendered inert by their all-encompassing desire for obliteration. While I do think the drug war is a sham of biblical proportions, hippie’s quest for anesthetized states beguiles feeble minds unable to comprehend that huffing inhalants, binge drinking and illegal drug use in public might get you arrested. They are the poster children for the drug war.

I have no sympathy for you idiots. You got what you deserved.

Chris Bopst May 3rd, 2010

[canichangemyblogname]

Something that’s been rubbing me the wrong way? This weird obsession Millennials have with gen z aging. For a generation that insisted you were going to embrace aging, you sure have done a good job of continuing to stigmatize it. Like, I get it… it’s just a manifestation of aging anxiety, but c’mon.

(And because someone is going to “bean soup” this post, I’ll just get this out of the way: I’m not saying Gen Z is full of perfect little angels working to destigmatize aging.)

Anyway… comments like “Why does Gen Z look so old” on posts by a Millennial making fun of other fellow Millennials or “Gen Z is aging like milk” or “All the vaping and alcohol is making Gen Z look old” or “Gen Z makeup and fashion trends just make them look old” are only reinforcing the idea that aging is something uncool™️ and signs of it should be avoided.

If we’re being honest, “old” has just become the Millennial version of “cheugy.” And the Millennials I see doing this always use this as an opportunity to contrast their looks and aging with the supposedly Gen Z influencer they’re commenting on (the influencers they “stitch” are often usually young Millennials, though). “Why does Gen Z look so old? Like… I’m 34 and I don’t look that old.”

Have we considered for a moment that you do, in fact, look your age? And have we also considered that the person you’re commenting on also looks their age? Like… have we considered the fact the 28 y/o Millennial you’re stitching is not going to look drastically younger or older than a fellow adult only six years older than them? Have we? And have we considered that you’re not very good at recognizing age due to our society’s cult of youth? Which is why when said 34 y/o meets someone who’s 40, they’re surprised: “You’re 40??? I would have guess that you’re 36!” As if there isn’t only 4 years between 36 and 40…

I get it. We’ve all met young adults who we’ve thought are older than they actually are. But was the reason for that actually based on their appearance or based on where they were in life and the fact they attained certain socially-important “achievements”— like owning their own place and having a full-time job making 6-figures— at 22 when you *still* have yet to achieve those things at 33? Like. Many of the people you’re commenting on are “success stories.” They’re influencers. They’re wealthy. They’re at a very different place in their life at 22 than you were at 22. Believe it or not, they look their age, you just assumed their life has been like your own.

And all of these comments about aging and addiction are intended to be directed at a population of people between the ages of— like— 11 to 25. The vast majority of Gen Z aren’t vaping or drinking (mostly due to age). These flippant jokes about Gen Z being heavy smokers and drinkers also ignore the very real statistical fact that drinking and smoking are on the decline among Gen Z adults and adolescents. Adolescent smoking, for example, declined more than 80% from 1999 to 2019.

Your comments are factually wrong, and you’re using Gen Z as a scapegoat for your negative views on addiction and to displace your anxiety around aging. Like, if you genuinely believe that Gen Z’s health, well-being, and longevity are being severely, disproportionately, and negatively impacted by addiction, maybe do something about it rather than take the opportunity to brag about how your skin is glowing compared to theirs?

And when this trend comes across a young adult who has had a hard life and who actually has stress lines and who has had health problems which have affected their appearance, comments like, “Damn. Gen Z aging differently,” are really just making fun of things like diabetes, poverty, addiction, and skin texture. Many of the people I see making these types of comments are making them on videos of people with textured skin, often acne. Like, yass, 👏 let’s make fun of the 19 y/o for his acne! Real adult behavior there.

[billvaouli]

Blog Post 3.5 (Self Bibliography)

1. Attentional control deficits in trait anxiety: Why you see them and why you don’t. Biological Psychology. (2013). https://www-sciencedirect-com.proxy.seattleu.edu/science/article/pii/S0301051112000695

I chose to put this link first because I feel like anxiety rest with me the most. I'm always worried about upcoming things or what could happen in the future. I've never been legit tested for anxiety, which I should probably do, but I know I have it. Also I learned more about myself because anxiety can get worse or better depending on life events, so I know to pay more close attention in my life.

2. “I Use Weed for My ADHD”: A Qualitative Analysis of Online Forum Discussions on Cannabis Use and ADHD. (2016). https://go-gale-com.proxy.seattleu.edu/ps/i.do?p=AONE&u=seat38459&id=GALE%7CA453533563&v=2.1&it=r

I'm an active weed smoker, but I use it because I use it for my ADHD. I've never been tested for ADHD because my parents never thought I had it so they never tested me. But deep down I personally feel like I do. The difference between when I smoke vs when I don't, I can tell the difference in my mood/vibe. When I smoke I'm more calm, relax and more focused. Whereas when I don't smoke I feel anxious, worried and sad all the time. Personally I think weed helps me more than it hurts me.

3. Unexceptional exceptionalism: the origins of American football in a transnational context. (2013). https://www.proquest.com/docview/1365015043?accountid=28598&parentSessionId=yCD2WvdCPBZWopUiBldfRGMtsKz3MVwWIFG9TL31J0A%3D&pq-origsite=primo

Early types of football played in Europe, especially England, can be seen as the ancestors of American football. Different variations of kicking a ball across a field or attempting to carry it to a goal we're featured in these games. I'm a big fan of football and I've been following it since I can remember. The most knowledge I possess is about football because it's a sport I also played growing up and in high school. It's been fun learning about the middle of the 19th century, American colleges started to play their own versions of football, which frequently had varied rules depending on the institution.

4. Can a Dog Really Be a Man’s Best Friend?: An Exchange between Humans. (2018). https://muse-jhu-edu.proxy.seattleu.edu/article/720205

It's been about a year now since I got a dog, and I can confidently say I love my dog. But to be honest I never understood dogs being mans best friend until I got a dog of my own. Overall, the qualities that make dogs "man's best friend" is loyalty, friendship, devotion, and the numerous ways they improve the lives of their owners. They offer their loved ones practical advantages that improve their quality of life in addition to emotional support and friendship. My dog has done tremendous things to help get me on the right path and back up on my feet.

5. Insomnia with objective short sleep duration is associated with longer duration of insomnia in the Freiburg Insomnia Cohort compared to insomnia with normal sleep duration, but not with hypertension. (2017). https://go-gale-com.proxy.seattleu.edu/ps/i.do?p=AONE&u=seat38459&id=GALE%7CA499323001&v=2.1&it=r

I have sleep insomnia and it's one of the worst things possible because I'm constantly waking up and can't stay asleep for long. Many things like stress, worry, erratic sleep patterns, poor sleep hygiene, medical disorders, pharmaceutical side effects, or lifestyle choices like excessive caffeine or alcohol intake are all common causes of insomnia. I should probably get checked out for this too. Something weird about me and never getting checked up on.

6. Working at the Car Wash. (2007). https://web-s-ebscohost-com.proxy.seattleu.edu/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=0&sid=224c93f7-7659-4d3d-803c-f0aa4542ce8d%40redis

Found an old newspaper article from that job that I work at. I've been working at Brown Bear car wash for about 2 years now, I started when I was a senior in high school. Brown Bear's been an amazing company to me. It's funny reading all the memberships and things they've added since 2007. Brown bear has come a long way because even when I first started there they started at $16 an hour for minimum wage. Now they start at $19 an hour which is just a $3 difference in like 2 years for the minimum wage. If you haven't been to a Brown Bear yet, I suggest you go.

7. Stan Lee Came Up with Spider-Man Because He Saw a Fly Land on a Wall and Decided There Needed to Be a Superhero that Could Stick to Walls. (2020). https://www.proquest.com/docview/2674422834?accountid=28598&parentSessionId=oaC%2BhfvhZc5EFK8jc7zUFoRouaPknXK0E%2FY7bZMwWH4%3D&pq-origsite=primo

If you know Bill than you know he's the biggest spider-man fan boy alive. I can remember spider-man from my earliest moments in my childhood and he's absolutely amazing, even until this day. But I found a peer-reviewed article about how Stan Lee came up with spider-man. It's funny how he came up with a whole character that turned into an icon by just seeing a fly crawl up a wall. It's also crazy how most people, including me, didn't know this until he passed away.

[returntosaturn271995]

Tuesday, September 5th: Dolly, get me through

It's days like this that make me wish I smoked. Not that I regret having clean lungs and all, it's just something soothing to do with my hands while I look off into the sunset of a hard day's work. Had I been born in any other generation or simply a European country, I would have been a smoker. A leathery, yellow-toothed, halitosis-ridden BABE. Sexy as fuck as I chase the work day into night with my nicotine-shaking hands.

Instead, I had to settle for chewing a thumbnail off and taking one solitary toke of my joint because I have such a low tolerance for weed and am not drinking alcohol this month. Lame.

Today was a productive one though, with or without a little treat after. Dolly Parton's 9-to-5 was pumping from my Spotify while I worked my ass off from 6 am to 4 pm and took a 27-minute run on my lunch break (average pace 9 miles an hour).

Another indicator of things changing? My older pairs of jeans are all too tight. My muscle gain has left the delusional corners of my head and entered reality as they are now skin-tight. I felt proud of my slightly-less-chicken-like legs and threw out my old jeans. It was like the scene from ACOSF when Nesta needs new fighting leathers. In fact, a pair of leather leggings that I got from Aritzia years ago and kept for when I finally "got in shape", now fit me perfectly.

Today's Half-Baked Harvest meal was another bougie toast: I toasted some sourdough bread, coated the bottom with pesto sauce, broke a ball of burrata over it, sliced some rainbow cherry tomatoes, torn basil leaves, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, pepper, and sea salt. Mmmmm.

The guy who asked for my number at Palmy's yesterday followed up with a book recommendation. He's sweet but I'm literally going to therapy tomorrow because of how much I don't trust men. Seriously, I'm considering making any interested men put down a security deposit for all of the emotional damage to my ego. I'll thank him for the recommendation, but no more.

As my spiritual leader, Mathew McConaughey, has taught me: sometimes you need to give people a yellow light so you can have your green light in peace.

He was talking about putting boundaries on people interested in his fame, but either way, we don't feel like having a stranger fuck with our peace.

When I finally allowed myself to shut the laptop, I went outside to the lounger and laid back in my green floral dress with the sleeves and my hair around my shoulders. I meditated for 11 minutes on not letting anger, or any kind of emotion, create a feedback loop. To step back and acknowledge my emotions with compassion rather than step forward with absorption. Then my mind unpleasantly spiraled towards Morgan. It's been a year since we've talked.

I wonder who she's angrier at? Me for telling her the truth in an explosively bitchy way, or herself, for trying to cheat on Nathan blacked out? I suppose it doesn't matter. People leave your life for a reason, sometimes you leave theirs. I'm starting to realize that shit wasn't my fault. And that I probably would never have gotten this healthy if I hadn't stopped being the person I was back then. That includes the people I ran around in vicious circles with.

I forgive her. I forgive myself. No, I'm not reopening that chapter. I don't need everyone like I used to. When you're not your own friend, you'll accept some pretty shitty ones. When you're your own friend, you protect yourself enough that you don't go looking for chaos when you're understimulated. You don't confuse lack of purpose for boredom and you don't confuse boredom for loneliness or sex for company. Or drinking as a hobby.

Or a cigarette for a cherry.

[teeth-health]

Oral cancer: the symptoms that should alert you

Oral cancer symptoms can match those of other illnesses. Six of these need special consideration.

The National Cancer Institute estimates that 70% of mouth cancer cases are detected too late. The likelihood of a full recovery is increased by early cancer identification. However, this disease's symptoms might be mistaken for those of other, frequently less severe illnesses. However, it's crucial to be watchful; if you see any of the following six symptoms, you should consult a doctor.

Oral cancer: What is it?

The term "oral cancer" refers to a variety of malignancies. It refers to all tumors that affect "the floor of the mouth, tongue, tonsils, palate, cheeks, gums, and lips," according to the National Cancer Institute.

1- Voice changes with oral cancer

It can be an indication of oral cancer if you start to stammer or if your voice gets hoarse. In reality, the illness can impact the voice, according to the British Cancer Research Institute. The organization explains that it "may grow weaker, deeper, or silent, creating the appearance that you have a cold all the time." A tumor in the hypopharynx, which is in the back of the throat, may be the cause of a harsh voice. Additionally, the condition might make it difficult to pronounce particular sounds or chew up specific phrases, which are both symptoms of articulation problems.

2- Oral cancer: loose teeth a red flag

You should seek immediate medical attention if you notice that several of your teeth are loose or shifting suddenly. Given that oral cancer is known to cause tooth loosing, this might be an indication of the disease.

3- Difficulty sticking out the tongue, one of the symptoms of oral cancer

One sign of oral cancer is difficulty extending out the tongue. According to Karen Coates of the UK oral health charity Oral Health Foundation, being unable to stretch out your tongue can be a sign of oral cancer since "cancerous tumors on or around the tongue might hinder mobility." It is thought that cancer of the tongue, lips, or palate is more frequently associated with difficulty thrusting out the tongue

4- Buzzing, tinnitus: other warning signs

Ringing in the ears from oral cancer is an uncommon side effect. In these situations, the tumor is close to the jaw, an ear, or the nose. Nasopharyngeal cancer, which affects the area of the body that joins the back of the mouth and the nose, is more likely to cause tinnitus.

5- Ears affected by tumor symptoms

A mouth-related tumor may cause discomfort in the ears. According to Coates, it depends "on where the tumor is since it might influence the nerves." Because it affects the mouth more severely if the tumor is huge, this sort of discomfort is more likely to occur. The physician explains that tumors can impact the tissues, organs, glands, and bones that surround them.

6- Weight loss: what if it's cancer?

Several cancers cause remarkable weight loss. According to the British Cancer Research Institute, eating appropriately can be challenging in people with oral cancer, which can decrease appetite and, as a result, cause weight loss.

How can I reduce my risk of oral cancer?

Any of the aforementioned symptoms may affect certain people more frequently "The National Cancer Institute warns that smokers and frequent drinkers should exercise greater caution. Alcohol, cigarettes, cannabis, and other drugs (including betel quid) are all known to encourage the growth of oral malignancies." 90% of patients with oral cavity cancer smoke, according to the Leon Berard Cancer Center. The risk increases with the amount and duration of cigarette use. Alcohol users face a six-fold increase in risk over non-drinkers.

RECOMMANDATION:

It turns out that many common dental items (such as toothpaste and mouthwash) contain harmful components that can wipe out the mouth's microbiome. This explains why teeth can thrive for many years outside the mouth (in the fossil record), while in our mouths they are destroyed by something as basic as chocolate. This is why we strongly recommend Prodentim.

ProDentim is unlike anything you’ve ever tried or experienced in your life before. It’s the only product in the world with a unique blend of 3.5 billion probiotics and nutrients, specially designed to repopulate your mouth with good bacteria.

By following these tips and taking care of your teeth and gums, you can help maintain good oral health and prevent dental problems.

[foxlightwill]

just saw an episode of something from 20 years ago making this exact point but without any nuance and THIS is the full nuance:

1) tobacco companies are bad. they have lied and deliberately preyed on people for decades. they have deliberately tried to market, and succeeded in marketing, to oppressed and minority groups. their business model *relies* on people getting addicted.

2) there are not that many people who are smokers that have cigarettes ‘every so often’ or whatever, they are daily smokers. cigarettes only ‘calm you down’ in the sense they calm you down because you are in withdrawal, or the actual action of smoking itself is calming (ex: being able to take a break or excuse yourself to ‘go smoke’ during stress can be calming, to get a break from the situation).

3) smoking isn’t ‘cool’ exactly but saying you’re ‘cool for not smoking’ is just silly. it’s missing the point. maybe being cool or not isn’t the real issue here, and framing this as an issue of being Cool or Uncool sounds really juvenile, and is ultimately unhelpful.

4) overwhelmingly, smokers are addicts. they are addicted to nicotine. applying moral judgments to them (that theyre assholes, bad people, out to hurt others, jerks, etc.) is not much different from applying moral judgments to opioid or meth addicts. the only difference is, they’ve been historically allowed to engage in their addiction in public spaces in just recent decades (injecting morphine was once seen as a socially acceptable addiction if you were white!) even if someone is NOT an addict, the choice to use a psychoactive substance is not a moral failing.

5) vaping nicotine is still unhealthy, and you’re consuming an addictive substance. nicotine is addictive no matter the source. vaping is not really ‘healthier’ nor does it ‘help people quit’ — everything re: the science and study of addiction disagrees with this, and tobacco companies who make cigarettes make vaping products. making moral judgments about people who vape is also not OK, but the amount of people who vape nicotine but then act high and mighty over those who use cigarettes, is a little concerning.

6) there are many reasons people may start using nicotine, and going back to the previous point, no one does it to be “cool”. personally, when i was a drug addict, i found smoking cigarettes enhanced the high of opioids, and quickly got addicted. many alcoholics and addicts i’ve met, smoke.

7) i’m just asking y’all to chill a little and be reasonable. also to stop making me read things like “i don’t smoke because i’m neurodivergent so peer pressure doesn’t get to me” (you, too, could easily get addicted — as a teenager all my friends smoked and i NEVER did, even having health reactions to their smoking!) or “smokers are the most entitled asses i’ve ever met”.

8) anyway don’t smoke cigarettes or vape nicotine. it sucks! i wish i had never started, because i’ve been off opioids for ten years, and i’m still smoking these damn things!

9) p.s. all this nuance and accuracy is always what works better to get people (especially minors) to not try harmful substances over shaming, morality, and misrepresenting reality.

the way people on here talk and act about cigarettes makes me want to put a glittery “proud cigarette smoker” gif on my blog which wouldn’t accurately represent my feelings at all, but it would piss a lot of people off

[drawing-way-outside-the-lines]

Sean O’Dell  *Supporting character

Voice Claim: (Adam Driver) https://youtu.be/b5wmoYWB4b0?t=810

Partner(s): Beatrice Marlowe Parents: Garrison O’Dell (is not in contact with mother) Kids: None Age: 39 (2021) Birthday: 1st of July Height: 189cm (6.2ft)   Body type: Muscular. Eye color: Medium to light blue, with few brown spots. About: Adventurous, Athletic, Competitive, Determined, Proud, Dominating, Courageous, Stubborn, Resentful, Unstable, Spontaneous, Challenging, Cocky, Observant, Independent, Temperamental, Dutiful and Simple. ~ Has buzzed black hair. ~ Head fireman at Saint Greer Islands Fire Department. ~ Sexuality: Straight. Closeted. ~ Is not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but not dumb either. ~ Has no relations to his mother and a strained relationship to his controlling father. ~ Father was extremely abusive when Sean was a kid, which is why his mother left. His father then took it out on Sean for years. ~ Sean barely gets along with his father by now, but he has to, since he’s Chief at the fire station Sean works at. ~ Hopes to take over the fire station when his father retires, hopefully within the next 5 years. ~ Doesn’t want kids. ~ Gets panic attacks. ~ Has been with his girlfriend for 5 years. ~ Acts tough, isn’t. ~ Gets into fights a lot.  ~ Smells like: Some sort of Axe deodorant and smoke. ~ Chain smoker. ~ Is always looking for the next adrenaline rush. ~ Gets drunk to cope with life. ~ Does drugs to completely shut the world out when needed. ~ Pretends he’s okay, but it often leads to violent outbursts. ~ Can’t stand being alone, so he often stays at the fire station, even when he’s off duty, and only returns home to his apartment, when Beatrice comes off work. ~ Hates silence, so he often let’s the tv running, even if he’s not watching it. ~ Not good at dealing with his mental health, and as such has never recovered from his childhood. He just brushes it all under the carpet and claims he has no issues. ~ Is often found at the gym. ~ Doesn’t have sex as often as he would like, as his girlfriend is borderline asexual. ~ Often gets speed tickets. ~ Would be extremely suicidal if he would admit he has issues. ~ Gets very dark at times, and spirals into a whole of drugs and alcohol, to a point where he blacks out and does things he rarely remembers, and would never do while being sober. ~ Has delusions, often involving believing he can do extraordinary things. Such as crashing his car into a tree without scratches, or jumping off a 5 story building unharmed. ~ Sometimes sees things that aren’t there. People. Shadows. ~ Often has a hard time organizing his thoughts, and can end up rambling nonsense. ~ A psychiatrist would probably call it Schizoaffective Disorder. ~ On\off depression, but doesn’t want to admit it. ~ Addicted to energy drinks, but actually hates the taste. ~ Loves: Adrenaline, his work, clubbing, working out, burgers, alcohol, drugs, chili cheese fries, sex, hot sauce of any kind, extreme sport, any sort of video game involving cars, humming birds and going to concerts. ~ His style is: Gym wear. ~ Is actually a really nice person if you peel all the other layers off first.

Sean’s tag Sean’s house/home Sean’s moodboard Handwriting/ask answer pic:

One song to describe him: The Prodigy - Baby's Got A Temper Personal Playlist: 1. Alice in Chains - Nutshell 2. Linkin Park - A Place For My Head 3. The Prodigy - Poison 4. MINISTRY - Search And Destroy 5. Unloco - Bruises 6. Slipknot - The Devil In I 7. Juno Reactor - Komit - 3 of Life Remix 8. Black Label Society - Set You Free 9. Dead Days - Control 10. Disturbed - Liberate 11. Juno Reactor - Let's Turn On -  Psychedelic Disco  - The Mutant Theatre 12. Deftones - Lucky You 13. Linkin Park - Session 14. Space Motion - Fire 16. Mad Season - River Of Deceit

[promptprophet]

Welcome back

I am not dead, although I am ready to throw down. Okay so there is a lot under the cut, but by every star in the sky I have been gone from all of my blogs for a while due to some roccuring issues. If any follow my main at @prophet-rebellion then you may have noticed that.

Some pro-tips:

1. Do not attend a gathering with family that does not believe in Covid. Because if they are anything like mine, someone will tell them they tested positive, your Uncle will encourage them to come anyways and not tell a single other person - and then, surprise surprise, everyone ends up with Covid.

2. Do not let your advisor plan your schedule entirely. Even if they are the Dean of your department. Because if they are still like mine, they will give you six classes. Which would not be an issue of 18 credit hours if it were not for the fact that 5 or the 6 are writing enriched. The only one that it not is math-based which is not my strong suite anyways.

But, in other news - I took a toll for the worst at one point. It has since gotten better. Granted, I had to be the biggest pain-in-the-ass to the campus physiatrist because he wanted to revoke some of my medication. Just because I am somehow making all As for the moment does NOT mean that I do not need my ADHD medication.

Speaking of! Yours truly got formally diagnosed with combination ADHD, depression, and anxiety. And after a lot of trial and error, we have found a medication and dosage that actually helps with the latter two! ADHD is still a work in progress because he is fighting me on it. He also doesn’t want me taking my meds unless I have a face-to-face class that day - as if it is some 9-5 weekdays only issue and I do not have class outside of those times, or online ones. But! A work in progress!

Also, Covid gave me the perfect chance to drop an incredibly toxic group of people in my life. One one hand, my mental health is so much better for it, and so is my own sense of self worth. On the other, it is definitely hard to do and hard to adjust to suddenly losing so many people. But I have reconnected with my 14 year old sister for the first time in 5 years - she wants to have lunch. Which is nice considering I have no spoken to my sisters in 5 years for her, 6 years for the older one (the middle). And I am also trying to reach out to my brothers more. It is interesting, because I did not know them until later. I am the oldest out of 5, 2 half-sisters of my mom’s side, 2 half-brothers on my dads, ironically enough.

I am also seeking out a competent doctor even with Medicaid, because I know need two more surgeries. This will make surgeries 4 and 5. It should have been 2 at most. But 5? And that is minimum, not counting if anything goes wrong again. It is taking longer, because I refuse to see my prior surgeon, and the only opening this past winter break as when I had to have my wisdom teeth removed, so, that did not happen.

Given circumstance I have managed to find a place to stay during breaks. Which is great because as some of you may recall I was kicked out after I turned 18 in 2019, and the room I rented over that summer was terrible (maybe leaving a known alcoholic with no regard for privacy alone with a just then 18 year old girl is a bad idea - if the number of times he barged into my room unannounced to try and get me to drink with him was anything to go by), but it was so my parents could travel full-time. Which, they are doing now and I am happy for them because my mom has 10 years maximum if she is lucky before needing oxygen (Smokers Lung), and my dad is dealing with medical injuries he got while serving - they discharged him because they would never heal right.

I have also picked back up with my job on my college campus! So money! And have secured a much better paying job over break than my McDonalds job, meaning I am not so hard pressed for cash. Which is also great because the last week of summer I had to dish out $2500 for my truck after it broke down in Tennessee and we had to get towed back to North Carolina.

So! Down to business! Now that I know what was wrong with me, and I no longer have issues with suicide, I’m on medication, and last semester I had a therapist that was a major help to me. I am actually in a better spot to be here. It has certainly taken a lot of work, and 2020-21 has thrown just about everything that it seems to have been able and hell, I am still looking for a third job.

Speaking of, god damn, the commissions! Jesus H. Christ, I wanted those done by January! And it’s March! Although I have been making progress on them, that is absolutely true - I am working on them a bit oddly though, switching between which ones I do to try and stop burn out and also because I was not drawing while mentally at my lowest. So to anyone who commissioned me who may not be looking at those messages, but sees this, I am sorry, they are being worked on. And I understand this is a ridiculous amount of time to wait for them and thank you all for being so patient.

I have also been considering if it is a good choice for me to come back to this page, and yes, I think that it is. Having something that I do every day has proven to be very helpful, and the amount of joy and love I have for these pages and the followers on them is immense. I was trying to clear out storage on my phone and I have an album just of prompts or asks that you guys have sent that continue to make my day. It really does mean the world to me.

I cannot be too sure if many have noticed my absence, if Prompt Guy did either. But I am stopping it now. I am finally in a good place. And yeah, I have a lot to do still - if all goes according to plan then I graduate next year. So after this I only have two more semesters before I graduate with my Bachelors in Business, with a focus on Entrepreneurship at the age of 20. And I better because I cannot afford to be in college much longer. I want to be back here, and return to my regular postings and interactions. I am getting those commissions done no matter what - that is a constant guilt over my head. Trust me, I know that it is there. I know. But I joined as an admin because I had followed this page the day it was created. And then I saw it had gone dead with no posts, so I applied as an admin. I got it. And things went very well. Well, I intend to hold back to what I wanted when I was first on this page, bringing it back to consistent postings for everyone.

I am here. I am back. And I am staying.

Also, I apologize if there are any typos, I have been doing a lot or writing for homework and personal work (trying to stop burn out and the threat of school ending my love to write) and my eyes have been strained the last few days, so everything is a bit fuzzy. Speaking of fuzzy! Turns out I needed glasses! So I have glasses now!

Yours truly, Prompt Prophet

[childrenofthenightt]

only the black rose (chapter 8)

pairing: jimmy page x layla porter (oc)

warnings: big nsfw warning, drinking, jimmy being himself, fluff

words: 3.6k

summary: in the blink of an eye, it’s 1975 and layla’s suddenly joining led zeppelin for their north american tour. throughout the chaos, the band take a liking to her, she builds friendships with the boys, and love blossoms. but all good things must come to an end.

author’s note: so. layla’s a freak in the... well... not necessarily the sheets, i guess? more stressy hands because they're my weakness, and just... please savour the last bit of happiness you get here. that is all. (two more chappies to go!!!) hope you enjoy :) feedback as always is so very welcome!

masterlist

playlist

chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

———

As she’s checking over the stage, ensuring the lights and speakers are set to do their job, Layla’s thoughts roam. After the chaos at the hotel pool, while everyone was asleep, Layla had been anything but. Her tossing and turning had disturbed Jimmy, who had pulled her further into his arms with a tired grunt. She lay there for another hour, her conversation with Jonesy running through her mind over and over. It was obvious she’d have to go back to her own time, and she missed her friends. She missed her mom. She missed everything.

Layla couldn't help, though, but think that maybe she didn’t want to leave.

 She had made friends that meant the world to her, and… she’d found Jimmy. The guitarist had changed her life, and had shown her what it meant to love. She’s falling for him, and it’s not long before she hits the ground. It’ll be worth it, she thinks, for someone like him. Jimmy Page is a rare gem, precious, and she knows that she would spend her life trying to find her way back to him.

A throat clears from behind her, and, looking over her shoulder, Layla spots Peter Grant standing a few feet away. Soft smile resting upon his lips, he steps closer, placing a large hand on Layla’s shoulder.

“Layla, I trust everything’s going well?”

“Yep! Lights and sound are looking good, and the stage is set up. Anything else you need me to do?”

“No, this is perfect, dear,” Peter shakes his head, smile morphing into a smirk as he continues. “Though, you’ve been requested elsewhere. Follow me, Layla.” Leading her through the venue, Peter stops in front of a closed door, a laminated sign next to it reading, “Dressing Room: Led Zeppelin”. Turning to Layla, he holds out an arm, beckoning her to take it.

“Shall we?”

“We shall, Peter.”

Arm in arm, they walk into the room. Robert, lying elegantly across the comfortable couch pressed against the wall, has his eyes closed. He hasn’t thrown up yet, but his voice is hoarse, and he has a terrible cough. Knowing these boys as well as she does, Layla suspects that nothing will bring them down. The show must go on, after all. Bonzo is next to him, Robert’s feet in his lap. The drummer speaks quietly to the sick man, who answers in the voice of a 20-year smoker. Jonesy speaks in hushed tones to Jimmy, eyebrows pinched in worry. Jimmy, Layla realizes, has his finger in a bowl of what looks to be ice water, if the cubes of ice scattered across the table are anything to go by. From the doorway, Layla can’t hear what’s being said, but by the downwards tilt of Jonesy’s lips, she can assume Jimmy’s stubbornness is on full display again. Her entrance with Peter hadn’t been noticed, until Robert’s eyes open to slits and he sits up, a smile breaking out on his face.

“Peter! Ah, look, if it isn’t my favourite little dove…”

“Hey, Robert. How are you feeling?”

“Better, better,” Robert smiles, and stands up to pull Layla into a hug, hands splayed across her back. “All thanks to you, Layla. Seriously, thank you for taking care of me.”

Layla grins in response, waving at Bonzo as she passes. He lifts up a hand, as if to splash the woman, and her face lights up, a giggle flying out past her lips. Layla walks over to Jonesy, and he gives her an uncertain look, beckoning her closer. Leaning close, he whispers into the woman’s ear, a worried glance at the guitarist beside him following.

“He was in a lot of pain, even with the meds, so he, uh… found a bottle of Jack’s and… Layla, he won’t listen.”

As if on cue, Jimmy takes a pull from the large bottle of whiskey that rested next to him on the table. Layla hadn’t noticed it, walking in, but it stuck out like a sore thumb now.

“Hey, petal,” Jimmy slurs slightly, bottle in hand as he sends the woman a lazy smile. Injured finger in plain view now, Layla can see how the nail is completely black, the skin around it still dyed purple from the force applied to it. Layla shakes her head, eyes downcast, as she walks closer to Jimmy. She grasps the bottle of alcohol in his hand, replacing it with her own, a warm palm meeting his.

“Jimmy… you can’t just…” Layla drifts off, not wanting to argue with him this close to showtime. They can always talk about this later, after all. Jimmy, noticing her internal battle even through his alcohol-fueled haze, pulls her into his lap. Jonesy, confident that Jimmy is in good hands, nods at Layla before giving the couple a moment to themselves. Jimmy brings a finger to the apple of Layla’s cheek, stroking it almost hesitantly, as though she would break under a stronger touch. Layla’s eyes, once meeting his, drift to his plump, pink lips. They shine in the artificial light, as he swipes his tongue across to wet them.

“Layla,” Jimmy starts, snapping her out of her trance. Her eyes meet his, and he smirks at her dilated pupils. She knew he had caught her staring, she wasn’t exactly subtle about it. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot.”

“What is the meaning of life? Please, answer seriously. This is important.”

“Jimmy, I didn’t peg you as someone who indulges in drunk philosophical discussions.”

Jimmy huffs a sigh, and leans in closer, pressing a quick kiss against her lips. Pulling back, he looks at their joined hands, before meeting her eye once more.

“Humour me.”

“Well—”

Before she could answer, Peter floats back into the room, telling the boys to follow him backstage. It’s showtime, and Layla doesn’t want her guitarist to leave yet. Jimmy looks at her expectantly, green eyes searching her face as though the answer to his question was written in the curve of her lips.

“It’s okay, Jimmy,” she says, squeezing the hand in hers, passing courage from one to the other. “We can continue this after the show.”

Jimmy nods, and releases her hand slowly, not wanting to break the contact. Layla hops out of his lap, and helps him stand. Her lips meet his in a soft kiss, as she presses their foreheads together. Their eyelashes flutter against each other, and the scent of citrus, tobacco and pine was ever-present, invading all of Layla’s senses. Jimmy pulls away first, and walks to the door, glancing back at her over his shoulder. She smiles at him, adrift in the empty dressing room, and he smiles back, walking out the door.

“Good luck, angel.” Layla whispers, voice swallowed up by the silence of the deserted dressing room.

Making her way to the familiar lip of the backstage area, Layla’s hands wring together, her lips bitten red. Robert hadn’t sounded well at all earlier, and Jimmy… It seemed like he was deteriorating right before her eyes. The mixture of codeine and Jack Daniels killed the pain, sure, but he was no longer the sharp, pragmatic man she was falling for. He was too caught up in the burn of the drink down his throat, a way to forget the agony rushing through his hand like a current. Bringing her attention back to the stage, she spots the boys, who share a loaded glance. Robert takes a deep breath, and launches right in. ‘Rock and Roll’ passes without a hitch, save for some voice cracks. If anything though, they add to the authentic performance, the crowd electric as usual. ‘Sick Again’ stuns, followed by ‘Over the Hills and Far Away’, and all is well, until ‘How Many More Times’ rolls around.

It was small. Insignificant, really. If Layla hadn’t been searching Jimmy’s face, entranced by the way his brow furrowed as he got lost in the music, she wouldn't have noticed. Breaking apart from the rest of the band to complete a complicated lick, Jimmy’s fingers trip up on the fretboard. To the audience, the only consequence is a slight dead note in the midst of heavenly riffs. Gazing over at Jimmy, however, Layla could see the discomfort in the downwards tilt of his lips, and the pain stiffening his shoulders. She could see the anger flaming in his dark eyes. Jimmy recovers well, delivering attack after attack, though his solos, from that point on, tended to go a little off-track. Whether from nerves or self-doubt, Layla didn't know. But she knows him. She knows the guitarist will let it cloud the entire night. She knows he’s gonna pick the show apart, minute after exhilarating minute, looking for the smallest flaw. Layla knows that she’ll be there for him through it all.

No matter what.

----------

With a hoarse thank you and a flourish directed at the audience, Robert finally leads the band off-stage to voltaic cheers. Robert, ecstatic as ever during the concert, seems to deflate the second he gets off. With a nod and a soft smile at Layla, he disappears into the depths of the backstage area. Jonesy and Bonzo pass by with tight-lipped smiles, clapping her on the shoulder as they follow Robert. Jimmy is the last to appear, and the reason for the rhythm section’s warning glances becomes apparent immediately.

Jimmy scowls as he approaches, eyes glassy, as though she were looking into a clear stream. Layla can see herself reflected in them; can see the worry reflected in her own gaze. Slipping a hand around his bicep, she steers Jimmy into a corner. He refuses to look at her, even as her hand tilts his face upwards softly.

“Jimmy, love, that was—”

“Shit.”

“No, not at all,” Layla steps closer, a hand finding the familiar spot on his cheek. “It was a great show. You saw the audience, Jim. They loved you guys!”

“It was shit, and everyone knows it. If I could just—”

“Jimmy, come on…”

“—be good enough, this would have gone differently.”

Layla’s breath catches, eyes as wide as saucers as she steps closer to the guitarist, who turns away. His gaze at the floor never wavers as he paces, muttering to himself.

“Jimmy, look at me,” Layla stops him in his tracks with a hand at his back. His shoulders heave with deep breaths as he tries to calm himself down. “You played a good gig. It doesn’t matter if you missed a note or two. You came to play a great show, and you did.”

“But it isn't enough. These people came here for an extraordinary show and we couldn't deliver. I couldn't deliver, and—”

“Hey—”

“—if my finger wasn’t broken, we would have been as good as we’ve always been. This is my fault.”

“Jimmy, this isn’t on you. You did nothing wrong.”

Jimmy’s hands fly up to land in his hair, as he pulls at it almost unconsciously. Layla grips his cheek lightly, as the other hand comes to rest at a thin wrist, pulling it away from the dark locks it had latched onto. Jimmy averts his eyes from the woman’s earnest gaze and turns his back once more, treading a hole in the wooden floor of the backstage area. Layla’s palm rubs soft circles into the fabric of his cardigan, patches of whispering dandelions catching on her fingers. From her place behind him, she can see the way he’s beating a fist into the palm of his injured hand repeatedly, perhaps a way to atone for a mistake that hasn’t been committed.

“I fucked up this tour. It’s my fault. I can’t do everything I know I can do, and that’s on me. I just…”

“Jimmy…”

“I can’t do this anymore!”

Layla shrinks back slightly at the exclamation form the man, who is shaking like a leaf. His head drops, long hair hiding his face once again. Recovering quickly, she spins him around carefully to face her. Hands cupping his cheeks, she presses her lips to his. His eyes flutter closed and he immediately reciprocates, a hand pressed to Layla's hips; his new favourite spot for them. Jimmy lets out a whine of pleasure, and Layla pulls away, looking into his tired eyes.

“Jimmy, listen to me. You did play well. I am so, so proud of you. Okay?”

“...Okay. I’ll… work on trying to believe you.”

“That’s all I can ask for.”

If Layla sees the sparkle and shine of tears on the man’s cheeks, she doesn't mention it as she grabs his hand, leading him to an empty room, locking the door immediately.

Finally away from prying eyes, Layla unfurls the guitarist’s hands from their clenched position, bringing the injured one up near her mouth. Gazing up at him, eyes shining in the dim light of the room, she presses a chaste kiss to each finger, slowing as she reaches the one painted shades of purple and black and blue. Jimmy nods, exhale shaky, and she presses the softest of kisses to the tip, hoping to cause pleasure rather than pain.

Jimmy’s hands slide lower from their place on her hips to cup her bum lightly, in case she was uncomfortable and wanted to slip out of his grasp. Her lips find his again as he pushes her against the large table in the middle of the room. Layla lets out a whimper, swallowed by the mouth against hers, as Jimmy’s tongue laps at her bottom lip, asking for entrance. He’s always been soft with her, but this new side of the dark-haired guitarist excited her. The kiss was over as soon as it began, Jimmy pulling away to stare at her, close enough still that their noses touched.

“Petal, I… We were gonna take it slow, and we will, but if you're ready…”

“I’m ready.”

Jimmy smiles, crashing his lips against her quickly, passionately. Pulling back once more, Jimmy smirks as Layla chases the high the feel of his lips gave her. Pressing into his space again, she frowns, which makes Jimmy chuckle. Layla’s hand reaches up, twisting in his hair.

“Angel,” Layla starts, a light tug on a mussed ebony ringlet following the nickname. His mossy eyes were dark with desire, and he placed his lips on her neck, kissing a trail down her jaw, stopping at her collarbone. Slipping the sweat-soaked cardigan off his shoulders, she traces a line down his cheek, eyes glued to his blush-red lips. “Can you lie down on the table for me? Please do try not to break any other body parts.”

“Haven’t I told you I’m afraid of heights?”  Jimmy laughs, and with a small smile thrown over his shoulder, he hops up onto the table.

“You overlooked that, love,” Layla says, unbuttoning her blouse ever-so-slowly, surely teasing the guitarist, who leans back on his elbows. His eyes follow her every move as she takes off the rest of her clothing. “Now, I feel like you might have too many clothes on, Jim. We need to be even, after all.”

Slipping his pants and underwear off in record time, he reclines back, already hard. Fully exposed now, Layla climbs up onto the table as well, straddling the man’s lap, before sinking herself onto him. A calloused hand lands on her hips, helping her find the perfect position, until a soft groan rang through the near-empty room. Jimmy’s hands move up to her breasts, toying with the woman’s nipples, much to her delight. Layla grabs onto his chest for support, craning her head back in pure euphoria at the sensation, the hollow of her neck exposed as Jimmy raises up to nip at it. Grinding her hips to the rhythm of the man’s soft groans, she trails hickies up his chest and neck.

“Something to remember me by.” she says, looking at him with dark eyes, a haze of lust filling them. Hand gripping Layla’s ass tightly, he brings her ever-closer, a mumbled “fuck” leaving the woman’s kiss-bitten lips. The guitarist’s face is creased with absolute exhilaration, as he rocks back and forth to the movement of Layla’s body on his. The couple didn’t know where one ended and the other began. Ecstasy fills the room, and whispers of praise flow like music from lips bruised and bitten.

“You did so well today, angel. You’re incredible.”

Jimmy raises up once more to capture her lips in a bruising kiss, a hand raking through the woman’s hair roughly, landing on her throat. Jimmy squeezes it lightly, warningly, and presses his lips to Layla’s once more, swallowing the shriek of pleasure she gasps out.

“You liked that, petal?” Jimmy’s hoarse voice reaches Layla’s ears almost belatedly, too caught up in the pleasure of his hands on her, though she nods as if her life depended on it. Panting hard now, Layla quickens her pace, noises of pleasure growing louder. With the friction of his hand on her, roaming everywhere it could reach, Layla felt divine; heavenly in this embrace. Leaning down for a heavy, passionate kiss, Jimmy’s hand finds her hair again, and he tugs on it hard. The pain elicits a moan from Layla, as she reaches her peak.

With a stuttered breath, Jimmy releases as well, gasps leaving his lips as he looks at Layla reverently. The wetness from her core rushes over him as she lays back down beside him, spent. Back arching as she pants, her head turns to face him, faces painted with bliss.

In a post-coitus haze, Jimmy has his arms wrapped securely around Layla’s shoulders, as her head rests on his chest. Layla giggles tiredly, as her breaths ruffle the dark hair on Jimmy’s chest. Looking up at him, she’s pleased to see him looking right back at her.

“That certainly cheered you up, didn’t it?”

“You’re the best at cheering me up after all. This, of course, was just a bonus.” Jimmy noses at her messy hair, smelling a combination of fresh linen, sweat and her shampoo; hints of strawberry and mango tickling his nose.

“We should get up, the boys are probably looking for us,” Layla says, dragging light fingers across his stomach, watching goosebumps appear on the pale skin. Whether it’s from the sensation or the chill of the table, Layla didn't know, but she’s comfortable in his embrace, in danger of drifting off.

“What if we just… stayed here forever. They can find another guitarist.”

“You’re pretty irreplaceable, Page,” Layla whispers, reaching up to press her lips to his jaw. “I mean, who would the boys chaperone if you were gone?”

“Chaperone? I’m not that bad. I can take care of myself just fine.”

“Right, so Robert was lying about the time you refused to sleep for 5 days out of pure adrenaline? New York, 1973, I believe it was?”

“...”

“That’s what I thought. We need to have a serious talk about your habits, Jimmy.”

With a chuckle from the guitarist, the two lapse into a comfortable silence, as Jimmy presses a kiss to the top of Layla’s head, nuzzling it with his cheek.

“Hey,” Layla shifts to look up at him, eyes filled with adoration. She felt as though she were looking at a star. Beautiful and shining, but out of reach, as much as she wished for the opposite. She knew this couldn’t last, though she’d savour every last minute of it that she could. “I need to… tell you something.”

“What’s wrong, Layla?”

“Nothing’s wrong, really. It’s… kind of the opposite, actually.”

Jimmy tilts his head in confusion, turning on his side to face her. He looked like a puppy, hair wild about his head, and Layla couldn’t help but giggle at the sight.

“S-So,” Layla shifts, nervous all of a sudden. Jimmy grips her hand in his, and nods when their eyes finally meet. “Do you remember what you asked me earlier? About the… meaning of life. You might not remember, you were a little out of it, and—”

“I remember. You’re rambling, petal. What’s going on?”

“Well, it’s… it’s love. The meaning of life is… love. Jimmy, I…um…”

“What is it? You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“I’m… I guess... What I’m trying to say is,” Layla says, taking a deep breath as she looks into the eyes that captivate her, and make her smile, and set her on fire. “I’m falling in love with you, and I just… Yeah.”

Jimmy grins brightly, surging forward to capture her lips in a kiss bursting with joy. He laughs into it, as their noses brush together, his finger tracing nonsensical designs across her side.

“Very eloquently put, Porter.”

“Oh my God, I just confessed that I’m falling for you, and you focus on—”

“I’m falling in love with you too. I thought that may have been obvious, considering the state of this poor table.”

“W-Well,” Layla stutters, blushing crimson as Jimmy’s plush lips tilt up in a picture-perfect smirk. “Put your clothes on, Page. The boys are probably waiting for us.”

Jimmy laughs, but redresses in his stage clothes, turning to stare at Layla as she slips her jeans back on. Buttoning up her shirt and flattening her hair, which frizzed up like a halo around her flushed face, she gazes over at Jimmy. Crowding into his space, she put a hand to the back of his neck, up on her tiptoes to peck at his lips once more. He slips a hand to her cheek, and deepens the kiss. Pulling away to glimpse the golden smile that rests on Layla’s lips, he feels like his heart is going to beat right out of his chest. Arm in arm, they walk out of the room, twin smiles nearly splitting their faces. Jimmy glances over at Layla, and can’t believe just how lucky he is.

Screw falling in love, he thinks.

This is love, and he knows it for sure, now.

------

taglist: @jimmys-zeppelin @salixfragilis @timetraveller4 @earthfire-75 @thatiloveyouso (let me know if you want to be added!)

[cowboyworf]

just because smoking cigarettes is a common addiction does not mean it isn't still an addiction and i feel like a lot of people forget that?

cigarettes are fucking hard to quit. research has shown that it can take smokers an average of up to 30 attempts to quit smoking before they finally succeed. (1, 2) there are a lot of factors for this, but one the of the major ones is the same reason people do not consider smoking to be a serious addiction- it is legal, it is accessible, it is everywhere.

when i got clean off of heroin, my counselors told me the same thing all addicts hear: you need to avoid the places you did the drug the most, you need to cut contact with the people you used with, and you need to get rid of the contact information of your dealers. easier said than done, but i did it. you know what i can't do? avoid gas stations, avoid walmart, stop hanging out with all of the people in my life (including the non-smokers) because my brain has been conditioned since the age of sixteen to have a smoke when i'm socializing. i have found ways to avoid heroin, but, unless i stop leaving my house entirely, i will never be able to avoid cigarettes.

just like alcohol, smoking is normalized and deadly complications take a lot longer to develop, which is one of the reasons i wasn't afraid to start. but we all know smoking is deadly and yet there is no empathy extended from non-smokers, even in people who "support addicts." smoking kills around 480,000 people in the united states alone and it cuts an average of 10 years off a person's life (3) but thats meaningless, because "you shouldn't have started in the first place."

when my mother died from cancer that spread to her lungs, the first thing people would say to me was, "oh, she was a smoker." they would spit that last word out like venom, a roundabout way of saying "i would feel bad, but she deserved it." mind you, my mother did not smoke and her cancer was and still is unbelievably rare, but it made me realize fast that if i die from smoking complications, my loved ones will not receive sympathy without and asterisk. that's sad, but you should have seen it coming.

more than anything though, more than all of this, i need people to recognize WHO smokes, because guess what? it is disproportionately POOR PEOPLE. people living in poverty smoke nearly twice as much as those who do not, blue collar workers start smoking younger and smoke more than white collar workers, and cigarette company advertising is much more prevalent in low-income communities. (4) we could speculate why this is, but there's no one true answer. in my experience, it's because poverty is fucking stressful, cigarettes suppress your appetite so you don't have to eat as often, and we do not have the same medical resources to help us quit as wealthier people do.

and SURPRISE! mental health plays a huge factor too. mentally ill people are two to four times more likely to smoke cigarettes than the general population. people with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder particularly have a higher rate of smoking, some studies suggesting 70 to 85% of schizophrenia and 50 to 70% of bipolar disorder. (5) i began smoking when the symptoms of bipolar disorder were in full swing and i was using excessive drug use to cope, since i had no access to mental health services. cigarettes made me feel less anxious. they gave me something to do with my hands and mouth and brain when i was manic. they gave me a community of other mentally ill smokers when i was alone.

i am not saying to stop promoting quitting or to go out and buy your first pack of cigarettes. starting smoking was the worst decision i have ever made. i am out in rain and snow and heat just to get my fix. i start weeping if i haven't had a cigarette in 6 hours. my asthma is 10x worse than it was before. my doctors assume every single problem i come in with is smoking related (or weight related, but that's a conversation for another day). my health is already declining and i have already tried to quit six times, to no avail.

all i am asking is that people acknowledge that smoking is a serious addiction too and give cigarette smokers even an ounce of empathy instead of treating us like we are these uneducated monsters who deserve to die.

(an addition: yes, some smokers are absolute assholes and should not be smoking in public around other people, nor should they be smoking around children or pets. yes, smokers should not litter either. i know that already. that's not what this post is about so make your own damn post lmao)

[ronmanmob]

Here we find a list of little facts about Ronald Kray - the very real man who inspires my muse. I collated these an age ago, and thought I’d plop them back front and centre because Ronnie, real Ronnie, deserves to be known of, remembered, recognised and (if you’re so inclined) loved. Here he is look -

Without further ado, the facts :) 

1. At his heaviest, Ron weighed about 14 stone (almost 200 pounds).

2. His weight went up and down a good bit because the medication he took for his schizophrenia put some extra on him and he wasn’t regular about taking the bloody stuff.

3. Ron both was and wasn’t a sociable chap. Among friends he was the life of the party, but with strangers he was distrustful and slow to warm.

4. Ron once brought a race horse for his mum.

5. He and Reggie also purchased a country home on the edge of Bildeston, Suffolk.

6. Ron and Reg were among the last prisoners ever to be held in the Tower of London.

7. The Twins were dishonorably discharged from the army because they wouldn’t follow orders.

8. Ron’s preferred aftershave, to the best of my knowledge and research, was Old Spice.

9. Ron enjoyed going on long walks in the country.

10. John Players tobacco and cigarettes were Ron’s vice of choice (discounting alcohol). 

11. He was 5′7.5 inches tall.

12. He had dark brown eyes and similarly dark hair.

13. He was moved from Durham jail in 1970 to Parkhurst on the Isle of Wight.

14. Among Ron’s various occupations, he was a club owner, a labourer, a dog breeder, a billiard hall keeper, a wardrobe dealer and (briefly) a soldier. 

15. Though most official court documents describe him as homosexual, in his writing (see his self-authored book My Story) he describes himself a bisexual. Mun is more inclined to go with Ron’s words, since he knew himself better than any judge or lawyer.

16. Ronnie was married twice.

17. Ronnie also had a girlfriend (fiancé) for the three years leading up to his arrest. Her name was Monica.

18. Ron had a provisional driving license, but never got a full one - that’s what drivers are for :p

19. Ron’s nickname among his employees was The Colonel - because he acted like one where dress codes and good behaviour were concerned.

20. Ron wrote poetry.

21. He also enjoyed pottering about in the garden at Broadmoor Hospital - where he spent much of his time after his arrest.

22. Ron was younger than his twin brother Reggie by about 10 minutes.

23. He almost died from a head injury he got when fighting with Reggie as a boy.

24. Ron was a competent boxer in his youth.

25. Ron was a heavy, heavy smoker.

26. He went to America to meet up with members of the Mafia.

27. He loved travelling and went to Turkey and Africa (among other places).

28. Ron didn’t enjoy being publicly affectionate with people.

29. Ron once knocked a man out because the chap was cursing and Ron was in the company of numerous ladies. He didn’t think the swearing was appropriate at all, and had warned him to stop before taking more…forthright action. The chap he clocked was the actor Oliver Reed - known to many as Bill Sykes in the movie Oliver! 

30. Ron chased members of a rival gang out of his billiard hall with a katana because they demanded protection money from him.

31. He once attended a meeting with rival gangsters carrying dynamite in his pockets. His thought was, if it goes bad he could trigger the explosives and off everyone. One of his more colourful schemes, that one xp

32. Ron’s favourite alcoholic drinks were Brown Ale and Gin & Tonic.

33. Ron adored dogs.

34. While Ron’s temper was legendary, he wasn’t always raging. Most of the time he was quite content to just get on with his business.

35. Ron could also be terribly kind when he wanted to be. He once emptied one of the cash registers at one of his clubs because someone he knew needed money.

36. Ron had a wicked sense of humour. 

37. Ron did indeed give people nicknames - some fond, some not. His ladyfriend Monica for example was his Little Doll, or Little Angel Face.

38. Ron had a habit of bouncing his knee when he was agitated. 

[myhealthmag]

8 Ways to Stay Excellent Healthy

Eight healthy behaviors can go a long way toward improving your health and lowering your risk of many cancers as well as heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and osteoporosis. And they’re not as complicated as you might think.

So take control of your health, and encourage your family to do the same. Choose one or two of the behaviors below to start with. Once you’ve got those down, move on to the others.

1. Maintain a Healthy Weight

Keeping your weight in check is often easier said than done, but a few simple tips can help. First off, if you’re overweight, focus initially on not gaining any more weight. This by itself can improve your health. Then, when you’re ready, try to take off some extra pounds for an even greater health boost.

Tips

Integrate physical activity and movement into your life.

Eat a diet rich in fruits, vegetables and whole grains.

Choose smaller portions and eat more slowly.

For Parents and Grandparents

Limit children’s TV and computer time.

Encourage healthy snacking on fruits and vegetables.

Encourage activity during free time.

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It’s an excellent Fat cutter, energizer, cancer prevention, age restriction, immunity booster and health glower at the same time and in the short time. In maximum 7 weeks you get a slim smart body, shining cheeks, active brain and high level (tested) of immunity. Click Here to see its review.

2. Exercise Regularly

Few things are as good for you as regular physical activity. While it can be hard to find the time, it’s important to fit in at least 30 minutes of activity every day. More is even better, but any amount is better than none.

Tips

Choose activities you enjoy. Many things count as exercise, including walking, gardening and dancing.

Make exercise a habit by setting aside the same time for it each day. Try going to the gym at lunchtime or taking a walk regularly after dinner.

Stay motivated by exercising with someone.

For Parents and Grandparents

Play active games with your kids regularly and go on family walks and bike rides when the weather allows.

Encourage children to play outside (when it’s safe) and to take part in organized activities, including soccer, gymnastics and dancing.

Walk with your kids to school in the morning. It’s great exercise for everyone.

3. Don’t Smoke

You’ve heard it before: If you smoke, quitting is absolutely the best thing you can do for your health. Yes, it’s hard, but it’s also far from impossible. More than 1,000 Americans stop for good every day.

Tips

Keep trying! It often takes six or seven tries before you quit for good.

Talk to a health-care provider for help.

Join a quit-smoking program. Your workplace or health plan may offer one.

For Parents and Grandparents

Try to quit as soon as possible. If you smoke, your children will be more likely to smoke.

Don’t smoke in the house or car. If kids breathe in your smoke, they may have a higher risk of breathing problems and lung cancer.

When appropriate, talk to your kids about the dangers of smoking and chewing tobacco. A health-care professional or school counselor can help.

4. Eat a Healthy Diet

Despite confusing news reports, the basics of healthy eating are actually quite straightforward. You should focus on fruits, vegetables and whole grains and keep red meat to a minimum. It’s also important to cut back on bad fats (saturated and trans fats) and choose healthy fats (polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats) more often. Taking a multivitamin with folate every day is a great nutrition insurance policy.

Tips

Make fruits and vegetables a part of every meal. Put fruit on your cereal. Eat vegetables as a snack.

Choose chicken, fish or beans instead of red meat.

Choose whole-grain cereal, brown rice and whole-wheat bread over their more refined counterparts.

Choose dishes made with olive or canola oil, which are high in healthy fats.

Cut back on fast food and store-bought snacks (like cookies), which are high in bad fats.

Buy a 100 percent RDA multivitamin that contains folate.

5. Drink Alcohol Only in Moderation, If at All

Moderate drinking is good for the heart, as many people already know, but it can also increase the risk of cancer. If you don’t drink, don’t feel that you need to start. If you already drink moderately (less than one drink a day for women, less than two drinks a day for men), there’s probably no reason to stop. People who drink more, though, should cut back.

Tips

Choose nonalcoholic beverages at meals and parties.

Avoid occasions centered around alcohol.

Talk to a health-care professional if you feel you have a problem with alcohol.

For Parents and Grandparents

Avoid making alcohol an essential part of family gatherings.

When appropriate, discuss the dangers of drug and alcohol abuse with children. A health-care professional or school counselor can help.

6. Protect Yourself from the Sun

While the warm sun is certainly inviting, too much exposure to it can lead to skin cancer, including serious melanoma. Skin damage starts early in childhood, so it’s especially important to protect children.

Tips

Steer clear of direct sunlight between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. (peak burning hours). It’s the best way to protect yourself.

Wear hats, long-sleeve shirts and sunscreens with SPF15 or higher.

Don’t use sun lamps or tanning booths. Try self-tanning creams instead.

For Parents and Grandparents

Buy tinted sunscreen so you can see if you’ve missed any spots on a fidgety child.

Set a good example for children by also protecting yourself with clothing, shade and sunscreen.

7. Protect Yourself From Sexually Transmitted Infections

Among other problems, sexually transmitted infections – like human papillomavirus (HPV) – are linked to a number of different cancers. Protecting yourself from these infections can lower your risk.

Tips

Aside from not having sex, the best protection is to be in a committed, monogamous relationship with someone who does not have a sexually transmitted infection.

For all other situations, be sure to always use a condom and follow other safe-sex practices.

Never rely on your partner to have a condom. Always be prepared.

For Parents and Grandparents

When appropriate, discuss with children the importance of abstinence and safe sex. A health-care professional or school counselor can help.

Vaccinate girls and young women as well as boys and young men against HPV. Talk to a health professional for more information.

8. Get Screening Tests

There are a number of important screening tests that can help protect against cancer. Some of these tests find cancer early when they are most treatable, while others can actually help keep cancer from developing in the first place.

For colorectal cancer alone, regular screening could save over 30,000 lives each year. That’s three times the number of people killed by drunk drivers in the United States in all of 2011. Talk to a health care professional about which tests you should have and when.

Cancers that should be tested for regularly:

Colon and rectal cancer

Breast cancer

Cervical cancer

Lung cancer (in current or past heavy smokers)

[lovemesomesurveys]

THE BASICS

Name: Stephanie. Gender: Female. Age: 31. Birthday: July 28th.

Race: Caucasian, Mexican, Filipino. School/Grade: I’m done with school. Job: Unemployed. Status: Single. Hometown: Somewhere in California. Current Town: Same place. Parents Still Together?: Yes. Siblings Two brothers. Pets: One doggo named Princess Leia.  Smoker: Nope. Drinker: Nope. Virgin: Yes. Orientation: Straight.

APPEARANCE

Hair Color: Naturally dark brown. Is It Dyed?: I’ve been dyeing it red the past 5 years. I’m way overdue now, though, so a lot of my natural hair color is showing. Eye Color: Brown. Height: Like 5′4. Style: Super casual. Glasses/Contacts/None?: Glasses. Freckles: Yes. Body Type: Thin. Shoe Size: 6 in US women’s.  Piercings: Just my earlobes.  Want More?: Nah. Tattoos?: No. Want More?: -- Braces?: No. Overall Best Feature: Nothing. Overall Worst Feature: Everything. Do you get most of your traits from mom or dad?: I’m told I look like my mom, but I do have distinct features of my dad’s. 

LIKES/DISLIKES

Favorite Color: Pastels, rose gold, sea foam green, coral, yellow. Worst Color: Brown. Favorite Number: 8. Favorite Animal: Doggos and giraffes. Least Favorite Animal: I’m terrified of killer whales. Favorite Flower: I don’t really have one. Favorite Food: Boneless wings, chicken tenders, ramen, pasta, eggs, turkey or bologna sandwiches, pizza. Worst Food: Seafood. Favorite Junk Food: Chips and dip. Worst Junk Food: Uhh. Favorite Restaraunt: Wingstop. Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Strawberry, mint chocolate chip, birthday cake. Favorite Candy: White chocolate. Favorite Alcoholic Drink: None. Favorite NON Alcoholic Drink: Coffee, Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink, Coke, Cherry Coke, Wild Cherry Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, Mountain Dew, Chocolate and strawberry Yoo-Hoo. Worst Alcoholic Drink: All of ‘em. Worst NON Alcoholic Drink: I’m not a fan of sparkling water or Ginger Ale. Favorite Genre of Music: I like variety. Worst Genre: Hmm. Favorite Band/Artist: I have several. Worst Band/Artist: Uhh. Favorite Song: I have many. Worst Song: There’s a lot I don’t like as well. Favorite Radio Station: I dont listen to the radio anymore. Favorite Book: I couldn’t possibly choose just one. Worst Book: Fifty Shades of Gray series. :X Favorite Type of Movie: I like variety. Worst Type of Movie I don’t find ones like Step Brothers, The Hangover, Pineapple Express, etc funny or entertaining.  Favorite Movie: I have many. Worst Movie Ever: Ones where I feel confused or unsatisfied with the ending, like too much was left unanswered.  Favorite TV Show: I have many. Wost TV Show?: I don’t get the appeal of ones like The Big Bang Theory or 2 Broke Girls. Newer sitcoms seem to be getting worse. Favorite Season of the Year: Fall and winter. Worst Season: S u m m e r. Best Friend: My mom. Worst Enemy: Myself. Favorite Day of the Week: I don’t have one; my days all loop together. Least Favorite Day of the Week: Okay, I do have a least favorite, which is Thursday, because I have a weekly doctor appointment that day. Especially now because things are going well, so that day just really sucks. Favorite Sport: None. Sport You Hate: Not a fan of any sport. One thing you cant get enough of: Sleep. One thing you hate more than anything: My current situation.

LOVE LIFE

Are You Single?: Very. If not, who is your bf/gf?: -- How Long Have You Been Together?: -- Do You Have a Crush On Anyone Right Now?: Nope. First Kiss: My boyfriend at the time, Derek. Ever Kiss in the Rain?: No. In a Movie Theater?: No. Underwater?: No. First Love: Joseph. Have you ever Cheated on Anyone?: No. Been Cheated on?: No. Used Someone?: Yes. :/ Been used?: Yes. Lied to your bf/gf?: Yes. Ever Made out With Just a Friend?: Yes. Do you Flirt a Lot?: No, definitely not. Longest Relationship: Joseph and I’s 3 year thing we had. Shortest: A few months. Have you Ever Gotten a Poem?: Yes. Ever Get Flowers?: Not from a significant other or romantic interest, no. Do you Believe in Love at First Sight?: No. Do you Believe in "The One"?: I thought I found him, but I guess not. Do you Fall in Love Fast?: I did fall fast. It’s been a few years now since I’ve been interested in or had feelings like that or someone and I wonder if I’d still be like that or not. Ever cried over someone of the opposite sex?: Too many times. Ever Been Dumped?: Yes. Ever dumped someone?: Yes. Ever been rejected?: Yes. Ever dated someone more than once?: Yes. Do you ever make the first move? I’m not one to make the first move. Double dates or single?: Double dates can be fun now and then as well. Do you want to get married?: No. Hair Color: My preference for a guy’s hair color? I don’t care. Short or long?: Short. Eye color?: I don’t care. Style: Jeans and tee are fine with me. Oh, and plaid shirts with the sleeves rolled up. Age: Around my age, but not younger. Height: Well, just about everyone is taller than me. Muscular or skinny?: Some muscle. Boxers or Breifs?: I don’t really care. Do you care about looks?: I can’t say I don’t at all, but there’s a lot more to it than that.

OTHER QUESTIONS

Can you drive?: Nope. Do you have a car?: No, cause I don’t drive. Do you have a cell phone?: Yes. Are you online a lot?: Yeppp. Can you speak another language?: Not fluently, but some Spanish. Do you do well in school?: I did, yeah. Do you collect anything?: Giraffe stuffed animals and knickknacks. Have an obsession?: Coffee? Do you hate yourself?: :/ Ever smile for no reason?: There’s generally a reason.  Talk to yourself?: I think out loud. Do you have any regrets?: Yeah, a few. :/ Believe in magick?: No. Sex before marriage?: Do what you what you feel comfortable with. Do you trust people easily?: No. Forgive easily?: Yes. Too easily sometimes. Do you have a secret no one knows?: Maybe. Do you get along with your parents?: Yes. My mom and I, especially. She’s my best friend. What about other people?: Yeah. How do you vent your anger?: Cry, ramble in a survey or on Twitter to the void. Goal Before you die?: Hopefully get my shit together and make something of my life. Biggest Fear: Losing my loved ones, getting worse health wise, never getting my shit together and making something of my life... Beggest Weakness: I’ve just become so weak in every way these past few years. Do you play an instrument?: No. What do you want to be when you grow up?: I am “grown up” and still have no idea.

PERSONALITY TRAITS

Are you...

A daydreamer? Shy? Talkative? Energetic? Happy? Depressed? Funny? Boring? Mean? Nice? Caring? Trustworthy? Confident? Friendly? Smart? Sarcastic? Dependable? Quiet? Weird? Strong (emotionally)? Strong (physically)? Mature? Logical? Religious? Indesicive? Sympathetic? Polite? Creative? Fun to be around? Loveable? Easily Amused? Outgoing? Daring? Clumsy? Nosy? Lazy? Scary? Optimistic? Persuasive? A good listener? Curious? Determined? Artistic? Honest? Respectful? Concieted? Cocky? Controlling? Playful? Hot Headed? Serious? Thoughtful? Considerate? Stubborn? Romantic? Ambitious? Jealous? Insecure? Obsessive? Attentive? Helpful? Punctual? Sincere? Tolerant?

GOODBYE

Did you enjoy this survey?: It was okay. Was it too long? Nah. Do you think it contained just about everything? Sure.