#and like. i am expecting some struggles. i know things wont be perfect all the way through it would be silly to think they would be

[butchshepherd]

sometimes when i get stuck in my own head and doubts i wonder if a shepherd is the right choice but then i think about it, and there is nearly nothing, if anything at all that i, in theory, dislike about those dogs. i could make a whole list. hell you could make a list and i'd go through and be like, yeah, i'll take that.

[lullabiesofalovesickangel]

i feel like all of my friends hate me, that no matter what i do i will always be the annoying one or the one that ppl want to make go away

i feel like everyone around me just wants me to suffer bcuz i dont do anything to help

i feel like a burden && no amount of reassurance rlly stops those thoughts when i get like this, bcuz ik that theres ppl that see me as a burden && wont tell me. ppl just lie to me ab all of this stuff

i feel like it would be so much easier for those around me if i just stopped being around bcuz i wouldnt be another mouth to feed, i wouldnt be taking so much && not being able to give back even if im unable to get a job

i feel like ppl will always see me as the annoying one that they hate sm but wont say they do bcuz they dont want to deal w me more than what they alr do

i dont believe ppl actually love me unless i can provide smth in turn && im struggling to do anything for myself let alone take care of pets too. i feel like if im not smth to use, or a stupid fucking doll or toy, then im worthless. if im not useful im not wanted

i rlly want it all to stop, sometimes it feels like i rlly would be better off dead so everyone else wouldnt have to deal w me && so they could freely talk shit ab me w/o me knowing that there's resentment ab me

im tired of living but if i even bring it up to others in the house, i have to console them or feel like i have no choice but to admit myself somewhere like thats actually going to help

i rlly am good for nothing when i cant do anything or provide money for a household that took me in, i just cause issues && make it ab me

im a shit person && ik that but idk how to combat that, i want to be perfect but it feels like i will always be reaching bcuz my best is always less than

i hate living but i also feel so guilty for feeling the way i do bcuz ik i have someone that loves me so much more than my brain will tell me but it feels like im failing them bcuz theyre going thru things && it's being ab me again

im not trying to make it ab me either bcuz i want them to be able to focus on themselves i just dont have anywhere to turn to bcuz im half expecting to not be put on meds or they not help the second i get them

&& ik some ppl will see how i feel && tell me im just guilt tripping && manipulating ppl around me so they have to feel bad for me && that just makes it sm worse, bcuz then i have to deal w the guilt that the way i can get my emotions out on smth personal is just me being an abusive asshole regardless of my struggles

idk what to do anymore

[hananoami]

[ Directional Orbit ] Ice - Stage 120 Clear VOD

This post is very late but I've finally cleared Zayne's Directional Orbit: Ice - Stage 120 on June 9th! He is the second love interest to have successfully clear all the Deepspace Trials currently available. If I were to be honest, his last stage really gave me a lot of trouble in spite of him having the most high leveled memories out of the three in my collection. I'll go into more details about that below. For now I want to give attention to what you should expect from this particular stage. At this time Stage 120 is the final stage available for Zayne's Directional Orbit: Ice. Like all x0 stages with red hues around its orbit this stage will require you to use two separate teams. Team 01's Protofield Stellactrum is 6-Ruby memories and Team 02's Protofield Stellactrum is 6-Sapphire memories. Matching the Protofield Stellactrum will grant you additional bonuses to your team. By matching the colors completely you will have a 'perfect match' which allows you to break 2 protofield shields in a single strike. This will ultimately save you some time by quickly bringing those wanderers into a weakened state. You also get an Attribute Bonus (up to 30.0%) for every color you match - increase DMG boost 5.0% and DMG reduction 5.0%. Of course, you could opt to go off color and try to brute force it. That's what I ended up doing for these fights. I don't mean to sound repetitive when I say this, but I still want to reiterate that there is no right or wrong way to play the game. Game play will vary from player to player. You have to take into consideration the memories you have in your collection, protocores used, their stat attributes, levels, etc. So I hope you wont be discouraged as you work on your own trials. If it's any consolation know that I am cheering for you, and am always willing to help~! Fighting!! ଘ(੭˃ᴗ˂)੭♡

Okay, let's rewind to when I first unlocked this orbit. Zayne was actually the first love interest to reach Stage 120, much thanks to the sheer amount of love and dedication I put into his Sapphire build. Low key I was pretty confident that he would also be the first one to clear stage 120... that is until then I saw the all ruby Protofield Stellactrum for Team 01-- I knew i was gonna be in trouble. (｡>﹏<) If you've been following along with my Deepspace Trials journey, ever since I've been playing this game and blogging about it, it's well known that his Ruby sets always give me so much grief. [Neon Night] was the last memory I was missing, but after 79 days it made is first appearance on 04/06 after roughly ~2k pulls since I started playing on day one. This memory eluding me became a meme amongst my friends so of course I had to write about it coming home. Originally, during my first attempt on 05/14, I had his 4-star NT solar pair equipped but historically for some reason I was never able clear any of his orbits that used all ruby. I opted to brute force those stages by going off color, however, that isn't possible to do here. Which is why I mentioned in my prog notes for this stage I was going to take a hiatus from any attempts until I was able to obtain his new ruby solar myth pair on 06/07 -- but that's a whole different story. After I got those SF memories and leveled them up it was time to go back in and see what I could do in order to finally clear this stage. During my early attempts my teams looked like this: Team 01 with 6-Ruby memories (Master of Fate build) and Team 02 with 6-Sapphire memories (Foreseer build). I chose to match the Protofield Stellactrum for now to see how things would play out. Real talk the damage output difference between a 4-star solar pair and a 5-star solar pair is kinda ridiculous. I had previously struggled to clear the first half, but with Master of Fate it was a breeze. I was finally able to see and prog the second half of the fight with Foreseer on 06/08, but wasn't able to clear the fight in the end. I thought maybe it was a protocore difference, as most of the memories I had for that half were max level (minus the 4-star memories, those were at 70). During the hiatus I focused on leveling up his sapphire protocores, yet it still wasn't enough. My mind was thinking of what else I could do in order to close the final gap between my prog and a clear. So I decided to do a different strat taken from a different playbook that I used in my previous 120 clears (open orbit / Xavier's Directional Orbit: Light) which was to swap my solar memories, but keep the respective lunar memories for team. Now here is where things got spicy.

Remember when I said I was confident with Foreseer? That notion quickly faded as I was struggling to clear the first half (2x lv 80-FS, 4x lv 70 ruby lunars). By this point all of the lunar protocores were maxed out at +15, yet I still wasn't doing enough damage to clear the first half of the stage before the timer ran out.

Okay then, since I can't level up protocores anymore and don't want to farm protocores with hopes to find better ones I decided to level up one of the lunar memories to max. The pattern was level up a ruby memory to 80 > run an attempt > fail > repeat until all of the ruby memories I had equipped were level 80.

AND EVEN AFTER ALL THAT EFFORT I STILL HAD TROUBLE... HAHAHA 💀

૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა

Like damn, Foreseer what happened to you?! It wasn't an easy fight to clear and I struggled to do enough damage before the timer ran out since I wasn't able to shatter the protofield shields in a single strike. That's the down side of going off color and trying to brute force it. Yet I was stubborn. I was so determined to clear this fight with Foreseer... and for one of my attempts I was super duper close! I had 1% left on my last wanderer's HP, but due to my mistake of trying to multitask / stream the fight for my friends mid combat, I wasn't able to finish the job and failed that run. Out of all of my defeats this one hurt me the most. Needless to say I WAS SO TILTED I ACTUALLY CRIED OUT OF FRUSTRATION. Hard lesson learned: don't turn on a stream until after you cleared the fight. I thought Foreseer would be able to finish the job, but the timer got the best of him. I was so upsetti.

For the next hour I kept going at it. Miserably might I add. There were countless defeats, but none of them even came close that one run that tilted me off this astral plane. Eventually I got lucky and had the wanderers group up at the end so I completely shatter their shields to AoE them down with my < ARDENT OATH >.

My advice to anyone attempting this fight is to try and stick close / focus on the CARMINE TALON first. Auto target is shit, but at least by sticking close to those the THUNDEROAR will jump to you instead of you trying to chase them down... Of course, if you're going off color you'll need to press your abilities on cooldown in order to bring them into a weakened state as fast as you can. Having Duo Rank 1 for Foreseer meant I didn't need to have a Oath Recovery Boost beta protocore equipped, but if you don't have that then you'll definitely need to use one here.

FINALLY, after all that pain and suffering I was able to get back to my prog point.

Because this was my first day using Master of Fate's kit in an actual timed battle my runs with him were very sloppy... I've mentioned in an earlier post using the demo they provided in the events page that his kit felt very quick and spammy. Even after doing some research on the Love and Deepspace community groups, every one also agreed that his blade play style using [Sacred Rainfall] was very fast...

For this build I had two +9 Ruby Expedited Energy Boost beta protocores on the SF memory pair. Because I didn't have much practice with this blade I just spammed all of my abilities with hopes I didn't accidentally overwrite / cancel any of them. It'll take some time to get the timing down with patience and more practice, but at this point of the night I was so down bad for a clear I just wanted to get this fight done and over with since I was still upset from that 1% defeat in the first half of the stage. It took me a while to bring the final boss into a weakened state because I did not have a perfect match. So it was crucial to use resonance skill on cooldown as soon as it came back up. The three charges you get after using it is an interesting kit, but slightly confusing cause we never had something like this before. Still, I made an effort to press everything on CD anyway so my timer wasn't off. If possibly I would also highly suggest you try to get perfect dodges for the extra support damage. I want to say a lot of time and resources went into obtaining this clear. And when I say a LOT I seriously mean it. The diamonds and irl currency used to obtain R3 Master of Fate. The amount of stamina that was dedicated into farming protocores, bottle of wishes, and ascension materials. This clear was not something I was able to do in one go, but took me almost a month to do. I understand that not many can replicate what I've done and I'm not saying you need to do what I did in order to clear. The purpose of this post/blog is for me to reflect on my journey and to share my experience. The happy moments, the sad moments, and even the ones that were upsetting-- I'm glad I found a way to use this space as a positive outlet. Thank you all for taking the time to read all of this, and for following along my deepspace trials progression. As always if anyone has any questions or wants additional tips/advice with their own battles I would be more than happy to help to the best of my ability.

ADDITIONAL SCREENSHOTS

Companion: Zayne's Foreseer [ Defend | DMG | AoE ] Weapon: Everlasting Song [ Support | AoE | Heal ] Attribute Bonus For each matched stellactrum, increases DMG Boost 5.0% (currently increased: 20.0%) and DMG Reduction 5.0% (currently increased 20.0%). ♡ Affinity Bonus: 97 (Zayne’s Protective Skill) When you take a fatal blow, Zayne teleports to you, blocks a hit, and counter attacks. Enemies will be knocked back. [ HP 3xxx || DEF xx || ATK xxx ] Pair Bonus [ FS ] - Starting Effect: increases team DMG by 8%, and reduces team DMG taken by 8%. When fighting together with Foreseer, your Active Skill DMG is increased by 25%. - Duo Rank 1: boosts Ardent Oath charge by 20%. When you and Foreseer are granted with Wards of Curses, team DMG will be increased by 12%.

5☆ FOREVER SEALED (sapphire/solar) Lv 80/ awakened rank 2 using +9 and +14 SSR protocores

5☆ PROMISE EVERLASTING (sapphire/solar) Lv 80/ awakened rank 1 using +9 and +15 SSR protocores

5☆ COZY AFTERNOON (ruby/lunar) Lv 80 rank 3 using +12 SSR protocores

5☆ DRUNKEN INTIMACY (ruby/lunar) Lv 80 using +9 and +12 SSR protocores

5☆ MEDICAL RESCUE (ruby/lunar) Lv 80 using +9 and +12 SSR protocores

5☆ EXCLUSIVE TUTORIAL (ruby/lunar) Lv 80 using +9 and +12 SSR protocores

Companion: Zayne's Master of Fate [ DPS | Burst | Sustained ] Weapon: Sacred Rainfall [ DPS | Burst | Single-target ] Attribute Bonus For each matched stellactrum, increases DMG Boost 5.0% (currently increased: 20.0%) and DMG Reduction 5.0% (currently increased 20.0%). ♡ Affinity Bonus: 97 (Zayne’s Protective Skill) When you take a fatal blow, Zayne teleports to you, blocks a hit, and counter attacks. Enemies will be knocked back. [ HP 38xx || DEF xx || ATK xxx ] Pair Bonus [ SF ] - Starting Effect: increases team DMG by 8%, and reduces DMG taken by 8%. When the enemy is in [Shattered Jade] state, reduces its DEF by 10%. - Duo Rank 1: boosts Ardent Oath charge by 20%. When fighting alongside Master of Fate, the enemy's weakened state is extended by 2 seconds. Each time an enemy in weakened state is hit, the damage it sustains increases by 0.5%, up to a maximum of 10%. - Duo Rank 2: increases Energy Charge cap by 1. When [Jadesunder] is triggered, restores a small amount of Energy Charge. - Duo Rank 3: increase team DMG by 8%. Increases DMG of [Jadesunder] by 100%. When [Orchid Metamorphosis] is replaced by [Piercing Rain], there's one more attempt of using [Piercing Rain] hitting an enemy. The cooldown reduction can be triggered once when unleashing [Piercing Rain].

5☆ SNOWFALL ENCOUNTER (ruby/solar) Lv 80/ awakened rank 3 using +9 and +12 SSR protocores

5☆ SNOWFALL EMBRACE (ruby/solar) Lv 80/ awakened rank 3 using +9 and +12 SSR protocores

5☆ HEARTS WITHIN REACH (sapphire/lunar) Lv 80 rank 1 using +15 SSR protocores

5☆ BUSINESS TRIP (sapphire/lunar) Lv 80/ awakened rank 3 using +15 SSR protocores

4☆ FRAGMENTED DREAMS (sapphire/lunar) Lv 70 rank 3 using +12 SSR protocores

4☆ EVERLASTING SNOWDROP (sapphire/lunar) Lv 70 rank 3 using +12 and +15 SSR protocores

[queenharumiura]

[ Dream + that scene of tsuna vs byakuran at the very end of future arc. i am so curious ]

Taken from meme: [x] ||Accepting|| ((OOC: //loud groaning noise of ‘ohhh—this is gonna SUCK- forgive me, I’m absolutely cutting some corners here bc otherwise RIP fingers.’ A rare POV because I felt like it.)) @parallelroutes

Word count: 2,026 (yes, even with me cutting corners)

“… no other choice than to defeat Byakuran.” Maybe if we were a bit faster, we would’ve heard everything that Reborn-chan said in that moment. I know what happens next. A lil snort of a laugh, really.

Tensions are high and I can feel my heartbeat racing in my ear drums. This was a dre-no, a nightmare that was very familiar to me. Though- it was a bit different this time around.

“Hahaha! What a surprise! Your last resort at a time like this is to try and slap some fighting spirit into him!?”

Reborn-chan, ever the calm one: “This is my method. Listen Tsuna. You’re not the only one who’s fighting a battle of dying will. Uni’s sacrificing her life in order to return you all to a peaceful past!”

The way my heart drops to the pit of my stomach is something I don’t think I’ll ever forget. I know what happens, I was there for it, and yet, the sheer panic and grief remains, like a perfect echo of what I felt in that moment. In the back of my mind, I know there isn’t much for me to worry about, but that’s the fun thing about nightmares, your emotions aren’t so easy to control.

“Eh? Is that so?”

How he could still smile in a situation like that, it was beyond me.

“Uncle… why do you know…?” I remember this being such a huge shock. This girl, near my age, had to accept the fact that she was going to die. It’s easy enough to say that she knew it was for the better good, but no one can really know what that feels like until they’re put in the same spot.

It wasn’t just shock on her face, then. You could see the bit of fear, the sadness, and many other complex emotions.

“Of course, I know. I guessed as much. You and your grandmother Luce are two peas in a pod.”

Perhaps, Luce-san had done something similar, sacrificing herself for others. If Uni-chan is really that much like her grandmother, then Luce-san must’ve been a wonderful person.

“Hm then I must stop you form doing such a foolish thing. After all, Uni-chan’s life exists for my sake?”

The absolute nerve. A real piece of work, this one is. Uni-chan’s life exists for herself and those that she cares for. Her life cannot and will not ever exist just for one singular person. That’s how life is, you build relationships, and you exist for a multitude of reasons, and not simply for some grandiose, misguided goal of some punk of a world-dominator.

As expected, Tsuna-san couldn’t hear such a thing laying down (ignoring the fact that he was in fact laying down in that time, you know what I mean). He starts struggling to get up. Everyone starts calling for him.

A truly emotional scene. Even if things looked bad, I remember having faith in Tsuna-san. No matter what, he’d always end up pulling through for everyone and save the day. That was something I really admired about him, the fact that though he had his many faults, he had a good sense of timing. He knew what was important and when to really exert all your effort—sorry, dying will, for something.

“Haha, I can’t believe Tsuanyoshi-kun really woke up form your reproachful encouragement, Reborn-kun. You two really make an astounding team.”

“I wont… hand Uni… over to you…” Tsuna-san seems to have finally come to, regaining his ability to start speaking.

Kyoko and I didn’t see what happened as we were still far away, so we don’t know what led up to the point of Tsuna-san laying on the ground like that. Quite frankly, we were focused on Uni-chan who was floating away towards the danger-zone. Whatever it was, hopefully it wasn’t anything too bad? I don’t understand why everyone else was outside of the mysterious sphere either.

It was something I still haven’t gotten any answers to, and it was hard to bring it up.

Time, is linear, but it isn’t quite so in dreams. Sometimes, it’s for the better, and other times—it’s not.

Like clock-work, as I always feel relieved that his injuries must not have been so bad if he were able to get up, the scene flashes ahead.

It… it really is something of nightmares.

The scene of a miniature white dragon piercing through Tsuna-san’s chest, supposedly through his heart is something I can’t ever forget. This scene alone has made so many cameo appearances in my dreams that I can’t help but feel afraid when Tsuna-san and the others go on dangerous missions.

I see this overlapping the other’s at times and I wake up in a cold sweat, not quite able to fall back asleep as I glare at my phone, as if I’m warning it to not ring and be the bearer of bad news.

Again, even if my memories of the event would allow me to know that a ring had saved his life, I can’t calm the torrential wave of emotions coursing through my veins. Death is a scary concept for most, but witnessing it is another level.

It was an infinite time worse when it involved someone you love. Now, it’s paste tense, but at the time, you know?

The dissonance if quite funny, actually. In this nightmare, I’m not watching like I’m some third party observer, but I’m back in that moment. The emotions are raw and real, but at the same time, they rage and despair. Sometimes, they’re calm and relaxed in times of high tension.

I really disliked having this nightmare because it drove my emotions every which way. Now, there was an extra bit of—awkwardness? That seemed right to say.

I can’t help but wonder in the deep recesses of my mind that I’m having this nightmare not because someone’s going on a dangerous mission, but because I started hanging out with Byakuran-san recently. There is a big disconnect between the one I see in this nightmare and the one I sometimes talk to on occasion in recent events.

Now, I have the added feeling of feeling confused and unfamiliarity.

Normally, I’d continue to see the series of events leading up to Uni-chan sacrificing her life. I’d have to watch as she dies alongside Gamma-san again, but I don’t this time around.

Time skips ahead again.

“The arcobaleno aren’t reviving!”

“No, the flames should have been properly absorbed. It’ll take a little more time.”

Ah—this time.

I want to look away. I want to shut my eyes, but the me of that time didn’t. I hear some people can perfectly control their actions in dreams, but maybe it’s because this is a memory that I can’t have that liberty. I’m forced to look on as I did back then.

I have to watch as Byakuran-san snaps upon Uni-chan’s death.

He’s really unrecognizable compared to the person he is today in present day. My mind can’t help but conjure up some kind of mental overlay of the two, and it’s… scary. It was amazing to see just how starkly different they were from each other.

Yes, I acknowledge that they’re different people, but at the same time, they’re not. It’s probably more accurate to say that this is one outcome of who he could be if circumstances led up to that.

I try to move back, to turn away from what I know is to come next, but. I. Just. Won’t. Budge! It’s so surreal to be stuck in your own body and not be able to move as you’d like. To feel emotions that you know don’t make sense—or to think things that are out of place.

It’s possible this is just a smidge of how he feels to be stuck with this history permanently etched over you like a looming cloud, even if you yourself know you are different. If so, it’s incredibly stifling. It’s frustrating. It’s SO unfair. Try as I might, I can’t move nor look away.

Emotions that were felt in that moment are felt in tandem with the panic and dread that the me of today feels. It’s a new kind of torment, I’m coming to find out. The betrayal and hatred that overcomes you as you feel ashamed of feeling what you did in the past, though you know in that moment- it was acceptable.

Who wouldn’t feel relief in the wake of a horrible person dying?

Yet- as I’m trying to get him to open up to me and help him walk on an unsteady path, I feel ashamed for how I’m feeling. The anticipation, of what was to happen. It’s deplorable, but I can’t fault myself for it either.

How was I to know at the time that a younger Byakuran-san isn’t so… well… that? In retrospect, she wasn’t in the wrong, but I feel she is.

“Who do you think it was that killed Uni?”

No. Stop it.

“Because you made this world the way it is…”

Please, I don’t want to see it.

“Uni…”

Stop!!!

I’m stuck in his hell trap (otherwise known as my own body) unable to break free. The absolutely ironic thing is that the me of that time was crying as I can feel myself mentally doing—but the feelings behind it are different.

The Haru of that time cried from grief over having watched Uni sacrifice herself for everyone. My mentality is different, I’m beyond frustrated. I want out of here. I don’t want to see another person die in front of me. I felt so guilty. It felt wrong. I shouldn’t be here.

I don’t want to be here.

“Died!! I won’t forgive you, Byakuran!”

I can’t really explain it, but it’s like I’m conscious of there being two of me. The me of that time, and the me of today who is like some parasite observer who can witness this scene by possessing another. I’m aware of my own feelings and the movements I wish to make, but I’m also hyper-aware of what the ‘host’ is doing and feeling.

I’m aware of two existences, in essence. The inner turmoil I’m going through as I’m desperately trying to not have to see what comes next has me crying- even though I’m not—actually crying. Soul or mental images of yourself can’t really cry, but I feel as if I am.

You know? True betrayal is in the form of my brain going, ‘you keep thinking about this scene a lot. You must really want to see it. I’ll skip forward for you.’

If I had a habit of cussing, I would. I could promise you that, but alas, I’m a lady.

Despite it being against my wishes, I watch that Byakuran’s final moments. Engulfed in flames. The sound is nonpleasant. The me of the time felt part relieved to know it was all over, but she still felt sorrowful at the fact someone else had died. She’d witnessed two deaths in the span of what…30 minutes?

Tink! That was the sound of a ring falling.

The me of now? What is it that I feel? It’s so much. Sadness? Guilt? Embarrassment? Fear, anger, disappointment, and so much more. So… so much more.

Maybe so much that it was enough that I jolt awake. Sitting up in my bed, covered in cold sweat. Ah- also tears.

Curling my knees into my chest, my forehead rests against my knees as I heave a heavy sigh. “Do I have the right to support him, or try to help?”

There’s a chance that my presence would ultimately be a hindrance to him.

Maybe because I’d known about him and witnessed his death, there was some wariness and uncomfortable feelings that only cause bad memories or feelings to surface, setting him back.

There’s that frustrated feeling again.

“Hah… I’m not going to get much sleep tonight, am I?” I quietly climb out of bed, wiping the tears out of the corners of my eyes to sit on the ground and start stretching, relieving some of the tension in my body.

[bangtanloverboys]

oh lavender // knj

summary - have you ever read something that resonated so deeply that it awoken something that you never even expected?

pairing - prince!namjoon x male poet!reader

genre - fluff; royalty au

word count - 1.6k

warnings - historical inaccuracies, sexuality realization/namjoon being stupidly gay and not realizing it, accidental himboification of namjoon, poetry talk, implied/referenced homophobia

author’s note - due to me not being a poet, i am using the poem “two loves” by lord alfred douglas. what i say about the poem in the story is fictitious and is my interpretation of it. 

‘What is thy name?' He said, 'My name is Love.'

Then straight the first did turn himself to me

And cried, 'He lieth, for his name is Shame,

But I am Love, and I was wont to be

Alone in this fair garden, till he came

Unasked by night; I am true Love, I fill

The hearts of boy and girl with mutual flame.'

Then sighing, said the other, 'Have thy will,

I am the love that dare not speak its name.'

A tear rolled down from Namjoon’s cheek as he finished reading the poem. Never before has the written word evoked such emotion from him, that he did not even understand what was happening until it was finished. 

He’d learned of the poem from whispers of a few lords and dukes of the court. Curious as to what got all these men speaking of poetry like never before, Namjoon had decided to seek it out for himself. He had managed to corner the Lord Jeon who eyed Namjoon strangely when he had asked for the poem. Reluctantly, Lord Jeon reached into his jacket, pulling out a single piece of paper.

“Please, don’t tell anyone I gave it to you.” The young man pleaded to the prince, who greatly accepted the terms, not quite realizing the gravity of what had been done.

Quick as he could, Namjoon rushed to his room to read the poem and his heart stirred at the words. All his life, he had enjoyed the philosophies and poems written by men from all over the world. But it wasn’t until this poem, with those words, did Namjoon finally feel something. Something so great, he wasn’t even aware of it in the first place. 

Overwhelmed with emotion, he threw himself onto his desk, scrambling for ink and paper. He had to meet the author of these words, for he had so many questions in his mind now. Questions that needed answers immediately. Beneath the title of the poem, was the name, scribbled so finely Namjoon could’ve missed it. But he didn’t.

At first light, he sent his fastest messenger to fetch the poet.

And he waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Normally Namjoon took pride in his patience, knowing that one day it would make him a fine king. But until he sent that summons, he was restless. Three days and nights he waited. There was no sign of even the messenger. Perhaps the poem was written under a false name, he wondered. Considering the contents of the poem, he should’ve taken that into consideration. But he was so moved by your words, Namjoon simply didn’t think. He only acted.

By some stroke of luck, on the fourth day, he awoke to a servant alerting him that a man had arrived at the gate with a summons letter from him. As soon as the words had left the servant’s mouth, Namjoon jumped from his bed, throwing on his clothes. 

“Excellent! Tell him to meet me in the library- no, the garden! Yes, the northern garden!” He instructed as he struggled to put his arm through his shirt. The garden was a gift from his mother, a whole space dedicated to him and only him. It was there Namjoon did all his best thinking and found peace within himself. The perfect spot to have his first conversation with you. 

Fully dressed and with a spring in his step, Namjoon arrived at the entrance of the garden quicker than usual. Several nobles and servants unknowingly tried to defer his meeting with you, but Namjoon had none of it, saying he would simply speak with them later. 

Finally, the only thing between you and him was a wooden door. Already through the windows, he saw you. Somewhat, the windows were dirty, blurring the image of you. But sure enough, there you were. With his hand on the door, Namjoon suddenly felt a cold rush of fear run through him. What if this was a mistake? What if you couldn’t answer his questions? What if he was dooming himself and others bringing you here? 

No, this was the right thing to do. He knew it, deep in his soul. With that, he pulled the heavy door open, blinking at the sudden light that filled his vision. Stepping into the garden, the door shut behind him and there he stood, across the way from you. 

You were standing on the stone pathway, admiring one of the many marble statues that were littered amongst the garden. At the sound of his entrance, you turned to look at him and Namjoon swore his breath was stolen from him. Immediately he was drawn towards your eyes, such beauty and intelligence was held in them, he could’ve swore he was looking at the Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name himself! Those beautifully sad, sweet eyes.

The next thing Namjoon noticed about you was the lightness of your clothes. Everyone of the court dressed in darker, more dreary colors that if the prince was honest, drained his soul. But you! You were a breath of fresh air. Dressed in light doeskin trousers and a lavender waistcoat. Namjoon suddenly felt relief flood through him as he approached you.

“My, my, what a pleasure it is to finally meet you!” Namjoon exclaimed as he made his way towards you in the garden. 

“Your Highness,” you bowed towards him, regarding him with the highest respect. “I will admit, your invitation caught me by surprise. I almost didn’t believe it.” You smiled as you extended your hand towards him, telling him your name.

“I know, sorry, I’m just excited to meet you!” Namjoon said as he shook your hand. “As you know, I read your poem, ‘Two Loves’ and it moved me so deeply that I simply had to meet you.”

At his words, Namjoon noticed that your gaze had changed. Before it read as warm yet held back, like you were cautious of how to even look at him. But it softened, no longer regarding him cautiously, but more curiously.

“Is that so?” You mused softly.

“Yes. You can see the tear stains on the paper yourself,” he gestured behind him, chuckling as he did so.

That got your smile to widen. “Never before has someone openly admitted to crying over my poems before.”

“Then I am proud to be the first,” Namjoon straightened his shoulders as he spoke.

“Your Highness, you said you had questions regarding the poem. May I inquire as to what they are?”

“Oh, of course!” Namjoon felt his cheeks burn, but not from the warmth of the sun. “Was it truly a dream you had that inspired the poem? Why is the Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name so sad in such a beautiful garden? Love calls him Shame, is he both the Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name and Shame?” He fired off questions, one after another. Continuing onto even ramble about his own thoughts on your works and which particular lines moved him more than others. 

When Namjoon’s questions finally ceased, you pondered silently for a moment, before speaking again. “Yes, the poem was somewhat inspired by a dream. But it was also a reflection of real life. For you see Your Highness, I see both every day. I can see the Youth called Love in every man and woman, whether they are sneaking around without chaperones or an old married couple walking arm in arm. The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name, frankly I see every time I look in the mirror. I see myself, reflected in that Youth. As many other men I see, walking along the street.” Namjoon hung on every word as you explained as the two of you began walking further into the garden. “As for Shame, Love calls him that because that is what he’s deemed. But really, Love is scared of him. Because his name is so beautiful, so true, that even Love would have to bow to him.” You spoke with such passion in your voice, that Namjoon’s heart felt as if he was reading the poem all over again with new eyes.

“A love so great, that Love himself must shame him to keep him in control.” Namjoon finished, realizing the answer to his question.

“Exactly, Your Highness,” you nodded. Namjoon was unsure if it was the light, but he swore he saw you blinking back tears as you kept your eyes forward. 

Both of you were quiet as you continued walking in the garden, before stopping at a bush of lavender. Namjoon noticed you cocked your head to the side at the flower, looking between him and the bush. Namjoon curiously watched you leaned down, picking out a single stem of the flower. Turning towards him, Namjoon felt his heart begin to race as you got closer and closer to him. He stilled as you took the single stem of lavender, placing it in the buttonhole of his lapel. Your eyes never left him as you slowly stepped away from him, gauging his reaction as carefully as possible. 

Glancing down at the addition to his coat, Namjoon felt that familiar rush of heat on his cheeks again. Did his hands feel this sweaty before? Could you hear hard and fast his heart was beating? So many thoughts running wild in his head, all because of you. Beautiful you. Never before had Namjoon felt this way about another person, it confused and excited him. He could only hope that you felt the same, even if it was your first meeting. 

“Would you- would you like to see the library?” Namjoon asked, trying to behave as if his stomach wasn’t twisting in knots.

A smile on your lips, you nodded. “I would love to, Your Majesty.”

“Please, call me Namjoon.”

[pies-writes-and-more]

haikyuu boys as expecting fathers

characters: TimeSkip!Tsukishima Kei, Bokuto Kōtarō, & Ushijima Wakatoshi, all with a Fem!Pregnant!Reader

warnings: pregnant reader and mentions of having a baby so pls be mindful if this makes you dysphoric or if you’re not in a good headspace for it. But otherwise, it’s all fluff so I hope it makes you guys smile!

a/n: everyone around me irl is having babies so here is the result of that LOL i love cute stories about expecting families and shit. All of these are obviously with TimeSkip! characters! And none of the following gifs are mine so credits to the original creators! Hope you guys like it :) 

haikyuu masterlist

Tsukishima loves to tease the shit out of you, and that hasn’t really changed since you started getting bigger. But now, he’ll hide your cravings in the top shelves of the pantry so you have to make him come get it. He can’t help it, it’s that angry pouty look in your eyes - he’s so in love with you, even when you look like you’re about to murder him.

But despite him hiding everything you could possibly crave, he is an absolute sweetheart. He calls his mom every now and then to update her about you and the baby, probably asks about what she liked when she was pregnant. She tells him stories about liking to read to him and his brother, or how she enjoyed a nice bath if she was particularly sore that day. She even joked that she found it really hard to put her shoes on so typically she just wore slippers or easy to slip on shoes.

Cut to the next day, you wake up to Tsukishima reading a book of dinosaur facts to your belly. He’s not so much reading it as he is disputing and/or explaining further the facts that are written in it. He doesn’t notice you wake up while he waves away the book and states, “It’s fine. When you’re here, I’ll just bring you to my museum and I’ll show you in person. I can sneak you out of daycare, just don’t tell your mom.”

You had hoped to be able to keep your independence for longer than this, but found yourself struggling to properly put on your shoes. You huffed, muttering something to your unborn kid about how you’d hold this over their heads forever, and just waddled about with the backs of your shoes folded under your heel. Tsukishima raised an eyebrow as he noticed, waiting for you to sit down in the car before holding the door open and bending down to properly put your shoes on.

“Kei, what’re you doing?” You laughed, watching him swiftly tie up your laces. “They’re fine, they’re old shoes anyways.”

“If you wear your shoes like that, you’ll fall and hurt yourself,” he shrugged. “I can’t have you hurting the little Tsukishima just because you can’t put your shoes on.”

His expression was the same plain emotionless face as usual, but you smiled anyways because here he was, kneeling in front of you and helping you with what is supposed to be a simple task.

The day went on as usual, but you definitely weren’t prepared for your husband to call you into the bathroom and display the little bath he had drawn you with your favourite candle lit.

“Did you do something?” You asked him with narrow eyes, making him scoff.

He rolled his eyes, helping you out of your clothes gently, “Am I really such a bad husband that you think I’d have to be feeling guilty to be nice to you?”

You thought about it for a moment before nodding playfully, “Yup. So what did you do?” You laugh and he just flicks your forehead before helping you into the tub.

You watch as he smirks a bit, holding your chin for a second and watching your eyes, “Well I’m the reason you got knocked up so I supposed I have to take care of you don’t I?”

He doesn’t hold that sultry teasing look on his face for too long, especially when you splash him with water, drenching every part of him you could reach 😂.

Bokuto is in a PANIC the closer you get to the due date. You once just felt a bit tired after vacuuming and the boy thought you holding your front meant you were going into early labour.

“I’VE GOT THE CAR KEYS BUT I CAN’T FIND MY WALLET!!! BABE HAVE YOU SEEN NY WALLET? I CAN’T REMEMBER WHERE I PUT IT. OMG WHAT IF THEY WONT TAKE US IN. WHAT IF THERE ARE SO MANY BABIES BEING BORN WE CANT GET IN. I KNEW I SHOULD’VE TAKEN A CLASS ON BIRTHING BABIES!”

You let him run around because he honestly is so entertaining to watch while panicking. He pouts about it later, talking shit about you to your belly, “Your mom’s a big meanie. You need to be born quick so we can team up on her okay?”

“Kōtarō! Don’t you dare try to turn my baby against me!” You laughed, swatting at his head.

Man is overly prepared for any sort of situation. He already set up all the safety baby measures, like corner cushions and outlet covers, though now he’s considering locking up all the knives into a cupboard.

“Kōtarō... how am are supposed to cook like this?” You asked, raising an eyebrow at the lack of your sharp cooking knives.. and the butter knives.

The grown man just poured some more, “I gotta keep both my babies safe alright? I’ll cut everything for you so you don’t cut yourself.”

Except for the fact that Bokuto is definitely more accident prone than you are and has a few bandaids on his fingers now.

As an expecting dad, Bokuto found himself getting more and more teary eyed at any situation that involved a family or a baby. Whether that was just seeing kids and families play in the park that the two of you walked past sometimes, or seeing a commercial for diapers with happy bouncy babies, you would turn to see a misty-eyed Bokuto who would then turn to you and wrap you in a tight squeeze.

He was beyond excited at this point to meet your little baby - he wanted to know what they would look like. The perfect mix between the most perfect woman in the world and him, who was pretty cool thank you very much. This baby was going to be the cutest most amazing kid ever, who would definitely play a really great game of volleyball, Bokuto was sure of it.

Let’s be honest though, pregnancy is not an easy journey. Bokuto loved seeing you grow the baby but he knew that it was a difficult process for you. You were always sore and at the beginning you were always sick. And there were some days where you literally didn’t feel attractive or beautiful at all, but Bokuto would praise you as high as he always did regardless.

“You are the most perfect lady I have ever laid eyes on. The most gorgeous being to ever walk this universe!” He told you one day, pressing kisses all over your face as you laid across a couch.

“Thanks,” you tried to give him a smile - you always appreciated his compliments, even if you didn’t necessarily agree.

“What’s wrong?” He asked you with a small frown, noting your forced smile.

“I just… feel bleh. Not at all like how you’re saying I look,” you admitted with a small smile.

Bokuto’s eyes grew wide in shock, jumping over the couch to sit down on the floor next to you. He clasped your hands in his, pressing kissing to them gently as well. “I know you might not feel it… but I hope you know that I still think it. I don’t even have to force it. You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met, and that hasn’t changed even though your body is changing a bit. I don’t need you to wear the most perfect makeup or the best dress for me to think you’re gorgeous. You’re perfect just laying here in my old sweats and I’m happy that I get to come home to see you like this every day,” he grinned, touching your cheek affectionately.

You loved this man. He was so sweet to you in every way possible. But sometimes…. sometimes his sweetness just went a little too overboard. You tried to insist to him that you were pregnant but that didn’t mean you couldn’t do anything. Man refuses to let you do anything for yourself. No lifting boxes, no lifting anything in fear that you might hurt your back.

“Kōtarō, it’s just my purse,” you tried to point out in a laugh, trying to reach it as he held it above your head.

“Nope! Not happening. What if you hurt yourself?”

“... with my purse?”

“Ya!”

“Kōtarō, I have to go shopping for food or we won’t have anything to eat. And baby needs to eat!”

“Well I’ll come with you then!”

“You’ve got practice!”

“It’s fine, I’ll tell them I’ll practice another time! My perfect wife and baby come first,” he’d grin at you and insist on opening all the doors as you two made your way to the car. You fall in love with this man more and more every day, even if he keeps stealing things from your hands.

Ushijima is a really nervous new dad, even if you can’t really tell from his stoic expression. He listens intently to all of the parenting advice people give, bought a few books about newborns, and has hundreds of tabs on his laptop of ranging topics from baby products people insist are necessary, mommy blogs about what is important to do when pregnant, and research that he doesn’t quite understand but feels is important nonetheless.

Ushijima isn’t necessarily a man of words all the time, so you were surprised to find that he started to talk a lot more after finding out that your child could hear him.

“You don’t have to play volleyball if you don’t want to,” he told them quietly one day while the two of you were on the couch. It came so out of the blue that you actually thought he was talking to you.

“Hm?”

“... do you think they’d want to play volleyball?” He asked you sheepishly, glancing at you with a shy expression.

You thought about it for a moment and slowly started to smile, “Well they’ll be attending every single one of your games so I’m sure they’ll be at least interested in learning!”

Ushijima nodded and you watched as a soft smile graced his face. You kept your eyes on him for just a moment longer, seeing a flicker of uncertainty on him.

“Wakatoshi, don’t you dare think for one second you’ll be a bad dad,” you warned him, poking his side and making him jump from surprised.

He stared at you for a moment, blinking, “You know what I’m thinking?”

“I know that you’ve been worried about being a good dad ever since I told you I was pregnant. I know that you’re nervous about being the kind of dad you always wanted to have growing up. I know because I’m terrified of being a good mom too,” you admitted with a nervous sort of smile, interlacing your fingers together. “We’ll be okay together though.”

Ushijima nodded and hummed softly, “We’ll have to take them to France.”

“France??”

“Satori wants to meet them too. He said he would make them chocolate.”

It wouldn’t just be the baby that Satori is constantly trying to spoil, but you as well. He sends over packages of his chocolate for you to try, grinning ear to ear when you call him for a catch-up call.

“Do you like them?” Tendō asked, and you could hear him humming to himself as he moved around a kitchen.

“I love them! But you’re going to make us fat if you keep sending them! They’re much too yummy for me to stop eating!” You laughed, eyes wandering to the kitchen where you knew you still had a few bits of his chocolate left.

“No no no no. I’m just trying to make sure your baby is a cute healthy plump baby! They’ll grow nice and strong!”

It always made you smile, knowing that all these people who loved your husband wanted to love you and the baby as well. Even Ushijima’s new teammates would come by and bring snacks or anything they thought might aid you in your pregnancy. Though, Kageyama wasn’t really sure what pregnant people or babies liked, so he just brought a whole bag of the milk boxes he liked.

“You’ve got to grow big and strong so that I can defeat you in volleyball one day. I can’t defeat your dad right now… cause he’s on my team. But I’ll defeat an Ushijima one day for sure,” he muttered to your belly with a fierce intensity in your eyes that made you laugh, making his ears turn red as he realized that you also heard him (Kageyama, the baby is attached to her, of course she heard you lol).

As it neared your due date, Ushijima prepared himself mentally every passing day. He wanted to be 110% ready so he went over your birthing plan mentally at least 10 times a day and reread over all the articles and information he had gathered over the months. He wanted to be the best father possible, but you insisted to him that you weren’t worried about this at all. After all, he was already the best husband you could ever have asked for.

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[jae-yoonie]

So your bio said requests open so imma request. Can you do a fluffy first time with Mark where obvsiously the readers virgin skin breaks and bleeds a little and Mark is like panicking like omg i killed her i hurt her and so on but the reader explains to him that like it is all normal and that she wont die.

Cherry Sweet (M)

Pairing: Mark x Reader

Genre: Fluffy Smut

Word Count: 2230

“This movie sucks,” you groaned as you let your head plop onto your boyfriend’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry, I thought it’d be good,” Mark replied defensively, “The ratings were high.”

“It’s not your fault, I’m just disappointed,” you pouted.

“Did you wanna do something else?” he suggested since it was unlikely that you were gonna sit through the rest of the movie.

“Let’s just stay here for a bit and cuddle,” you replied as you snuggled into his chest.

“Okay, I like that idea,” he hummed as he pulled you close and rested his head on top of yours.

You enjoyed having these pure, wholesome moments with Mark and found the sound of his heartbeat rather calming, but for some reason, whenever you guys were physical for long periods of time, your mind would always end up drifting to dirty thoughts. The two of you had been sexual before, but a lot of the time, you tried to control yourself so you wouldn’t give him the wrong idea; you loved him more than words could express and it wasn’t just for sexual gratification.

You hadn’t gone all the way with him yet, but you couldn’t deny that the thought had crossed your mind more times than once. Since Mark never really mentioned much about sex to you other than making dirty jokes, it was hard for you to bring the topic up to him. He was a boy, but no matter how hard you thought about it, you just couldn’t convince yourself that he thought about it as much as you did.

“Mark...” you mumbled nervously, finally growing desperate enough to attempt having a conversation about the topic with him.

“Yes?”

“Um… have you ever thought about… it?”

“About what?”

“Y’know… ‘it’…” You could feel your stomach folding into knots as you thought about what you should say next. You didn’t want to say it out right, but at the same time maybe it wasn’t a good idea to assume he’d know what ‘it’ meant.

“It?” he asked again, urging you to sit up before throwing you a concerned look, “What do you mean? If there’s something bothering you, tell me.”

“Er… well…” you started, breaking eye contact with him, “It’s just… uh…”

“Is it bad? Am I doing something wrong?”

“No! Not at all! It’s… ugh…” Out of frustration, you cupped your face in your hands and tried to calm yourself down so that you could start over and try again.

“Hey…” Mark said worriedly as he pulled you in for a hug, “I didn’t mean to upset you, sorry… you can tell me when you’re ready to.”

After taking a moment to collect yourself, you briefly looked back up at him before pressing your lips against his. You came to the decision that asking him verbally was too difficult, at least in that context, so you would ask him through actions instead. It’d been a while since the last time you’d done anything sexual with him so you felt it’d be okay to let things escalate a little bit today.

As you continued to move your lips against his, one of your hands found its way down to his stomach, slowly drifting lower and lower down his body. Before you knew it, your fingers slid right over the waistband of his sweats and landed right on his crotch, the feeling of his already hardening member under your palm making your core ache with desire.

He let a moan slip into your mouth as you started to stroke him over the thin material of his pants, his hand going to your waist and pulling you closer to him before he broke the kiss, letting his head fall back against the back of the couch.

“Is this the ‘it’ you were talking about earlier?” he asked breathily, as you continued to palm at his erection.

“Um well… possibly…” you trailed off, the movement in your hand starting to cease as you lost confidence amidst the topic that Mark had suddenly resurfaced.

“Are you scared to talk about ‘it’?”

“Maybe a little…”

“Why? It’s normal for couples to talk about these kinds of things. So what was it you were trying to ask me?”

“Um… okay,” you started, taking a deep breath before continuing, “Have you ever thought about… having sex with me?”

“Are you kidding me?” Mark laughed in disbelief, “Of course I have! All the time! What kind of boyfriend doesn’t think about that?”

“I don’t know… you never mentioned it before…”

“Well, I didn’t wanna be the one to initiate it or pressure you into it, so I figured it’d be safer to wait until you told me you were ready.”

Suddenly, you felt embarrassed that you were so worried over something so dumb, but at the same time you were relieved. You were thankful to have such a loving and considerate boyfriend who’s been patiently waiting for the ‘okay’ from you, but now you kind of regret waiting so long to bring up the topic. Communication is important in a relationship and you shouldn’t have been so scared to express how you felt.

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pressed another quick kiss to his lips before speaking with a new burst of confidence, “I’ve been ready.”

Mark only smirked in response, carefully laying you down on the couch before getting your permission to remove shorts and panties. He was gentle as he removed each article of clothing, and once he had full access, his thumb went straight to your clit, skillfully rubbing over the sensitive bulb how he knew you liked it. “You’re so wet already,” He gawked as his other fingers wandered down to your wet folds and teased your entrance.

“I’m always wet for you,” you muttered before taking your lower lip between your teeth, brows furrowing as Mark slipped a finger into you and curled it up against your g-spot. Occasionally between curls, he pumped his finger in and out of your slick lips and when you least expected it, during one of those moments he surprised you by sneaking in an extra finger. “Mark!” you moaned out, toes curling and fists clenching at the newly intensified sensation.

“Are you sure you’ll be able to handle the real thing? I’m only using two fingers right now,” he teased before leaning down and pressing his lips to your forehead.

“S-shut up! I— can—” You struggled to make out between breaths, “It f-feels— good—”

With the combined feeling of his two fingers thrusting into you, stimulating your g-spot and his thumb continuing to toy with your clit, it wasn’t long before he had you shaking beneath him as you tried your best to fight back your oncoming orgasm.

“Cum for me,” Mark whispered as his fingers continued to work wonders between your legs.

The sheer sound of his raspy voice resonating in your ear was enough to push you over the edge, pleasure erupting throughout your body as you hit your first climax of the night. When you finally opened your eyes, Mark had quite a pleased look on his face as he hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his sweats and briefs, pulling them both down in one go. Your mouth watered seeing his erection spring free, the tip already glistening with his essence. He gave himself a couple pumps before positioning himself to your entrance, nervousness etched into his features as he looked up at you for approval before proceeding.

“Wait,” you interrupted as you reached down to grab his cock, gently urging him to scoot closer to you, “It’s my first time y’know… a little extra lube might be a good idea.” With that, you took him into your mouth, hollowing your cheeks as you slid your lips down his length.

“Fuck,” he cursed at your unexpected advance, “Don’t make me cum before we even start though.”

You hummed in acknowledgement, unintentionally adding to the sensation you were already giving him and forcing a throaty moan out of him. He only let you continue for a little longer before he withdrew himself from you, repositioning himself to your entrance again.

“You’re sure you want to do this?” he asked, reaffirming that you meant what you said earlier about wanting to go all the way.

“I’m sure,” you replied confidently, giving him a small grin for extra assurance.

“Have you been taking your pills regularly?”

“Yes, I have!” you chuckled, “Are you stalling? Don’t tell me you’re more nervous than me.”

“Of course I’m nervous! I wanna make this a good experience for both of us… it’s a lot of pressure…”

“Don’t think about it too much. If you’re too stressed you won’t be able to enjoy it as much” you cupped his face in his hand as you spoke, “I’m nervous too, but we’ll figure it out together, okay?”

He gave a small nod in response, taking a deep breath before slowly trying to ease himself into you. “Oh my god, you’re... so tight… A-are you okay?” he asked, noticing that you were wincing a little.

“Mhm…” you nodded quickly, “It just hurts a little… but it’s normal...”

“Okay… just… tell me to stop if it hurts a lot okay?”

You nodded again, smiling lovingly as you looked up at him through half lidded eyes. The moment you’d been fantasizing about for so long was finally happening and you couldn’t be happier. You knew it’d be a little bit of a bumpy ride given both of your lack of sexual experience, but the fact that it was with the person who meant the world to you and understood you more than anyone else was what made the experience so perfect.

“Oh my god,” Mark gasped, quickly snapping you out of your thoughts, “Y-you’re bleeding…” When you looked up at him, his eyes were wide and he was completely frozen, like a deer in headlights. “What do I do? Oh my god… I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to, I was just—”

“Keep going,” you interrupted him as you wrapped your arms around his neck, “We agreed that I’d tell you to stop if it hurts a lot… and I didn’t tell you to stop.”

“B-but… you’re bleeding?!”

“And it only hurt a little! It’s normal, don’t worry about it. I promise I’ll tell you if something doesn’t feel right.”

“You sure? This just seems so—”

“I’m sure! You’re doing a great job so far, Mark, stop worrying so much, okay?” You felt the tension in his body dissipate once you pressed a soft kiss to his lips, your chaste gesture finally convincing him that you were really okay. After what felt like forever, he continued to cautiously guide his full length into you before slightly retracting and snapping his hips again.

“You feel… amazing, by the way,” he puffed as he continued to meticulously control each of his movements.

“So do you… but go faster,” you begged, wrapping your legs around his waist for increased proximity.

“I’ll cum if I go faster,” he smiled at you playfully.

“Shut up,” you giggled, lightly slapping him on the shoulder.

Soon after, he complied, his pace gradually starting to pick up filling the empty living room with the sounds or raw sex, the coarse moans falling from both of your lips muffled by bare skin slapping against skin. “Y’know…” Mark started, his voice shaky as he tried to speak between pants, “I was only half joking earlier.”

“Ah— it’s okay, I- I’m close too,” you struggled to speak over how good he was making you feel. Maybe it was the adrenaline or maybe something else, but you didn’t even realize when the initial pain you’d felt had gone away; you just felt like you were on cloud nine and your whole body was buzzing with anticipation as your peak quickly neared.

As Mark chased his own high, he didn’t dare let down the quick and consistent tempo he managed to maintain up until that point, especially knowing how close you were to cumming. In no more than a minute and a handful of thrusts later, a second and more intense explosion of bliss filled your body making your back arch off the couch and toes curl as you uncontrollably fisted at the back of Mark’s shirt.

The feeling of your walls pulsating around him brought him to his climax shortly after you, leading him to quickly pull out and lift up your shirt just enough for him to release his hot seed onto your stomach. He hung his head as he hovered above you, taking a moment to catch his breath before reaching for some tissues to clean up the mess he’d made.

“Why didn’t you cum inside of me?” you asked wearily as you watched him gently wipe up the last of the sticky substance.

“I was too scared to risk it,” he admitted, tossing the used tissues into the nearest trash can, “Especially for our first time.”

“You’re lame,” you mumbled jokingly.

“That’s what you say after I make you cum twice?” he scoffed as he squished himself onto the couch to lay down next to you.

“Thank you for always being so considerate of me,” you mumbled as you snuggled into him, “I love you.”

“Of course, I only want the best for the best girlfriend in the world. I love you more.”

[actually-impostor]

I am so tired

And exhausted. Disappointed. And worried

Jesus christ I'm worried

Because they are kids. They are childrens.

I'm gonna go on a long rant, everything will be tagged as it should, and this post will be behind a read more. Care for yourself while reading.

Tommyinmit. Tubbo. Ranboo. Hell, even Purpled (tho luckily i havent seen him be fucking attacked and hounded and harassed in this way. Small mercies)

They should NOT have to carry the weight of expectation A Bunch Of Adults Have Put On Their Shoulders

Read that again

YOU AS AN ADULT SHOULD NOT PUT YOUR EXPECTATIONS ON THE SHOULDERS OF CHILDREN

Should they try to better themselves every day? Yeah, but that's something every human should do

Should they stop being children just because they have a platform?

FUCK NO

Im sorry the internet and the world and the adults around you failed you to the point where you think having a mental breakdown everyday for all the struggles around the world you Are Forced To Read About is somehow normal.

Because darling, it's not.

Its not normal, or okay, or something to flex about, that your mental health is being put to such a risk just so you can stay "on top of things"

Im going to re-phrase something i said in 2019 about child actors (i know they aren't "actors" in the traditional sense but they are child celebrities, and it fits)

What you guys have to realize is that the difference between them and... idk, kids you see in your school or in your neighborhood, is that They Have An Audience. They had a sudden spike of people who from one day to the other focused their attention on them and decided "mh, I want to give them attention and a platform for a/b/c reason". You gave them your attention, if you disagree with something they said or their attitudes or whatever, you are in complete liberty to take away your view without feeling like you have to put them on blast.

They are young enough where their personalities, reactions, and opinions are still an echo of the adults and friends who surround them. They are starting to form their own opinions, but its still very much filtered by whichever influence got them first (parents, idols, teachers, older siblings, etc)

We are all ignorants when we are kids, even those who had to suffer thru a lack of privilege are ignorants of things up to a certain point. We grow to educate ourselves in whichever way we can, but we are still ignorant to A Lot Of Issues while we are growing and becoming ourselves.

The difference between us nobodies, and child celebrities (or kids with a following. Twitch streamers, tiktokers, youtubers, actors, etc) is that they have a constant spotlight and millions of eyes on them.

Everyone has access to when they fuck up because its never in private, Because They Dont Have That Privilege.

They are not allowed to mess up, because they are expected to be perfect.

Read that again.

They are KIDS who are Not Allowed To Make Mistakes Anymore.

They aren't allowed to make mistakes, a central point of growing up that helps you become a better person. They are not being allowed to grow and become better because they are not being allowed to fuck up, which is human!

And instead of Actually being helpful, the solution you, ADULTS, have come to... is to send them hate?

Your solution is to call them racist, homophobic, horrible humans who wont better themselves.

What have you done?

Answer that to yourselves.

What have you done?

Have you donated to your charity of choice? Have you given the microphone to the ones that struggle? Have you woke up and think "im gonna do a random act of kindness"?

Or are you just going to waste your energy and yourself bashing a teenager on twitter and staring as his mental health fucks off? In front of a live audience that instead of realizing they were taking things TOO FAR decided to try to "hammer the point"

What are you gonna do if they fuck off?

Because what´s happening is not "EDUCATING"

Is bullying a child.

Thats all there is. You have successfully bullied a child, yay. Now he doesn't want to learn better because no matter how much he educates himself yall still decide he is the worst human being on the planet for not being able to express something in a way YOU feel HE should.

Allow people to make mistakes without them being crucified every fucking step of the way.

Another thing is this need to remind them "i have this mental health situation, now say something to make me feel better"

Fantastic that you found someone and something that can help you out of a dark place. Now do the next part of getting Actual Capable And Profesional Help.

They are children, they are streamers. They dont have the necessary knowledge and equipment and training to help you with something serious. It should not be in their shoulder the weight of actively helping people thru a traumatic event or a shitty situation. If their streams comfort you, great. But thats all they can do.

And if they want to be educated on something Dont Immediately Shut Them Down. Let them educate themselves even if it's on something considered problematic, or something you think "is not important enough", just let them explore their interests without feeling like they have to perform everything for their audience.

Be better.

Do better.

And honestly? I didnt wanted to add this, but after all my sister has a point.

Why are you guys putting so much effort and energy into this? They play video games for a living.

Use your energy into bettering yourself and doing your part for the world. Not into bashing a 16-17 years old child.

Go outside, see the sky, change your scenario a bit. Touch some grass.

I think tomorrow i'll go for a walk.

[ask-a-vetblr]

Hi everyone! I’m a 3rd year vet student heading into my clinical rotations in February 2022. Wondering if any of you might have some advice on how to… I dunno, survive? 😅

Hi, Sueanoi here.

My first and foremost advice for stressed vet students all around the world... is DO NOT SACRIFICE SLEEP. I learned that the hard way.

You need sleep. Those extra few hours that you might try to spend reading last minute wont get you more ready. Not sleeping will make your brain feel like swimming in molasses. It slows your thinking, and you won't be able to recall info as efficiently.

I'm sure students at year 3 should already know their body's limit. I promise, your limit is still there. I won't tell you how many hours you need, you know your body better. Get those hours.

Second, don't skip meals. Try to at least get some snack if you can't get out to get a real meal. Being hungry will lower your performance and make you more nervous.

Third, you should check your course syllabus, and prepare in advance. Those early years of vet school had given you the raw data, this year you will learn how to pull those data to good use. You will learn how to systematically follow clues and solve problems according to those info that you now have.

I suggest getting a handbook with differential diagnosis techniques. It's very useful for me when I was starting out. It's like a hint book on what to do if you're stuck.

next is, you should pay good attention on how the supervisor vets talk to their clients. This is an important soft skill that often are not included in any other lessons. Learn how to handle different kinds of clients and different emotions. Clinical rotation is the perfect opportunity for you to learn by example, and also learn by doing.

Lastly, don't be afraid to ask for consultants. You are here to learn. If you're not sure, be honest and ask for help.

And, good luck! It's not as scary as you think! In fact, I think it's pretty fun, looking back. You get to exercise that brain of yours without the risk of actually facing the consequence of messing something up. You have someone who has your back. So go out there and learn!

GV here.

I went to vet school in the midwest and have now worked for 2 practices that take students on external rotations for other schools (specifically, Virginia Tech and Lincoln Memorial). It seems as though my experiences in 4th year are veeeeery different from theirs - Lincoln Memorial does not, strictly speaking, have a teaching hospital, so most of their rotations must be done at external clinics, and Virginia Tech is struggling with staffing issues and many students opt to take many rotations externally to have a higher case load. At any rate, that’s just for perspective on where my thoughts will come from!

At my vet school, the expectation is that you would show up having prepared for your day’s cases, if you knew them ahead of time. Usually we would sign up for or be assigned cases the day before, but we may not have any history on the patient or even much detail on the presenting complaint (“referral from rDVM for urinary tract issues” or something similar might be all that we got until the client brought the history from their referring vet the next morning). The main thing is that if there *is* a thorough history (i.e. you’re on anesthesia and internal medicine has already done a thorough workup on your patient) then you had better KNOW YOUR PATIENT’S HISTORY and be able to discuss the pathogenesis, how it will affect their procedure, etc. But, sometimes you are going to be looking things up on the fly - you’ve gone in, gotten your history, read through the rDVM notes and diagnostic results, and now you have to go present to the clinician. A few things will come in handy here. First, a student subscription to VIN is free. VIN is mostly all I have used while being a solo doc in my first practice and where I learned my treatments and diagnostics for most ailments. You can type in symptoms, differentials, etc and normally get some kind of idea of how to proceed from either their specifically written articles or from the forums. Another great resource which you will have to pay for but is inexpensive for students, is Plumb’s, especially the app. The clinicians are probably going to make you look up doses for any drugs anyway, so it’s useful in that regard, but when you’re looking for ideas for treatment, you can actually type in symptoms to the search bar and drugs related to the symptom (i.e. PU/PD) will pop up so that can actually give you some good ideas for differentials as well.

The main thing I am looking for in a vet student when they’re on rotation with me is curiosity and a willingness to come each day prepared if possible, and look things up if you don’t know the answer. I’m not going to look down on you if you’ve never given a vaccine before, but I’m definitely going to have issues if we give you lots of opportunities to vaccinate and you start dodging them because “you’ve had enough experience now.” I’m not going to be upset if you don’t know doses for drugs off the top of your head or even which specific drug to use, but if I ask you again later I expect you to have looked it up. If I offer you the chance to do a surgery with me, I expect you to have studied the procedure the night before. Don’t ask me to fill out a form stating that you performed a task if I didn’t see you do it, and don’t ask me to sign off on a discussion item that we never discussed. The only time I’ll be disappointed in your knowledge (or lack thereof) is if you literally can’t offer any suggestions at all, or if I’ve asked you to look something up and get back to me and you never do. The only time I’ll be disappointed in your skills is if I’ve told you something (don’t stand on the leg side of a down cow) and you do it again anyway. Also, definitely don’t cuss out your doctor when I ask you to follow up with a patient. (true story!)

[peterrparrkerr]

Aliens made them do it - read on ao3

Second card is officially done!! I'll be posting the masterlist tomorrow and will start posting the third bingo card in August!

*-*

Peter doesn't cry. He doesn't. Not when he's separated from Tony and the others, and not when Ronan presses the barrel of an alien blaster to his head.

He didnt cry, because he knew this was a possible outcome to staying on the ship. He knew that there was a possibility that this would happen.

He told Tony he thought this through, and he had.

But damn was he terrified. He shook with fear and cold, on his knees. They'd stripped him of his suit, leaving him in his boxers. He knew space was cold, but he never expected it to be like this.

"They're recruiting young, I see," Ronan hummed, walking around Peter's hunched and trembling form. "They must be desperate."

"I'm stronger than I look," Peter said, putting on a brave face. He was going to die anyway. He wanted to die like Spiderman, not like Peter Parker.

"I'm sure," Ronan hummed. He finishes his lap around Peter before standing in front of him. "Has anyone told you what exactly you were up against before throwing you to the lions?"

The barrel of the gun presses under Peter's chin, forcing him to crane his neck. He swallows thickly, blinking rapidly against frightened tears.

"Something as tiny and fragile as you must know you stand no chance against the almighty Thanos," Ronan continued, not giving Peter a chance to answer -not that he would.

"Its a suicide mission," the blue alien continued. "One that landed you in my grasp, and no closer to Thanos.

"And what to do with you," Ronan hummed, looking deep in thought for a moment. Peter felt his mouth grow dry.

Aunt May would never know what happened to him. He'd leave her all alone. And what happened if none of the other Avengers could stop him?

Would she be one of the ones killed by Thanos? Or would she be left behind. Left wondering if Peter was alive somewhere or gone like the rest of half the population. Peter didn't know which was worse.

"Killing you would be a waste," Ronan continued, oblivious to Peter's inner turmoil. "I'm sure we could find some way to entertain ourselves, hmm?"

Peter's first thought was torture, and he felt his breath hitching. It made Ronan grin, dark teeth juxtaposing against his blue skin.

"Oh, yes, I have the perfect thing for you and your little friends."

Peter tried not to shout when Ronan grabbed him by the hair, but he tugged Peter from his knees, and he couldn't help it.

Peter gripped Ronan's wrist, wincing and whimpering as he was half dragged across the floor.

"I've always wondered how humans worked," Ronan mused. "And now I've got four of them."

"Please-" Peter gasped wetly, tears burning his eyes. Ronan takes him into a dark room and yanks him forward before dropping him.

Peter falls onto his chest, not having enough to catch himself. He coughs as he gets his hands under him, pushing himself off the ground.

A heavy boot lands on his back and shoves him back down, and Peter grunts, scrambling to get up off the floor.

"Now now, no need to make a fuss," Ronan murmured, voice deep. "Bring in the sarcastic one. Take the other two humans and have fun."

"No!" Peter shouted. "Le-leave them alone-"

He's cut off when the boot grinds down on his shoulder blade. He winces, chest heaving as two other blue aliens leave the room, shutting the door behind them.

"Its best you behave, human," Ronan presses, leaning over Peter, putting more weight on Peter's back. "Your behavior from here on out determines how fast you and your friends die at my hand."

Peter chokes on a sharp exhale, tears spilling over his eyelashes.

It doesn't take long for the doors to open again, and Peter can hear Tony, grumbling and digging himself into a hole, like always.

"Ah, just who we were waiting for," Ronan said cheerfully. "Come join us."

Peter lays on the floor under Ronan's boot, knowing he wasn't strong enough to buck him off.

Tony comes into his line of sight, and he looks pissed. Thdyd taken his suit too, though he had a track suit on underneath.

Peter stupidly wondered if Tony would make his suit able to hide clothes as well -so he didnt have to go around in his boxers- before remembering there wouldn't be a chance to.

"You okay, kid?" Tony asked, eyeing Peter. Peter could only nod.

Ronan removed his boot before bending down and grabbing Peter by the hair.

Peter yelped and scrambled to his feet, and Tony took a step forward, face contortions in rage before two other Kree grabbed him by the arms.

"Humans are so strange," Ronan hummed, pulling Peter in close by his hair. Peter held onto his wrist, wincing and stumbling as he was guided around. "Your customs and traditions have always been odd, though I've never seen them practiced."

Peter whimpers as Ronan draws his head back, exposing his neck. He looks down at Peter just as Peter feels cold metal press into his throat.

"Leave him alone," Tony demands. Peter can't see him, but he knows from the scuffle that he'd tried to charge at them again but was held back. "I swear to God, you kill him and I'll blow this ship to pieces."

Ronan chuckled, eyes alit with amusement. "I'm not going to hurt him yet," Ronan promised.

"Not until I see you fuck him."

Peter's eyes widen at that.

"Fuck you," Tony snapped. Ronan laughed. "No fucking way am I going to do-"

"Either you fuck him, or I kill you where you stand," Ronan growled, aiming the alien tech towards Tony.

"Do it," Tony growled back. "I'm not scared of you."

"No?" Ronan asked. Peter lets out a desperate sob, trembling against the alien. "He seems pretty scared of me."

Peter can't help flinching when the alien blaster is pressed back into his throat.

Ronan then leans down, dark purple tongue poking out between darker teeth. Peter cries out, struggling against his hold as the alien licks a strip up Peter's cheek, from jaw up to his eyebrow.

"Fuckin- leave him alone!" Tony nearly screams. Peter manages to turn his head, but it tightens the hold Ronan has on his hair.

"Fuck him, or I will," Ronan demanded. "And I wont be nice about it."

Peter doesn't think his knees will hold him much longer. He openly cries, breath heaving in his chest.

"You can't-" Peter gasped out.

"Oh, but I can," Ronan said. "Do you think your fragile human body can handle me, little one?"

Peter chokes on a sob, struggling in his hold a little more as Ronan licks at his jaw again.

"I've heard humans tear so easily," Ronan continues, loud enough for Tony to hear over Peter's crying. "Poor thing might die before I even get a chance to fuck him properly."

"Fine!" Tony shouted. "Fine, alright, I'll do it- just- just let him go."

Ronan smiles against Peter's skin, and he's suddenly released. Peter almost drops to the floor, but he catches himself and rushes from the alien, into Tony's chest.

The older man is quick to hold him tight, hashing Peter and holding him tight.

"I'm waiting," Ronan called. "Entertain me."

Peter buries his face deeper into Tony's chest, arms wrapped around his torso.

"Pete," Tony winces, lowering his head. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Peter shakes his head, sobbing breathlessly. He doesn't fight him when Tony pulls him to the floor, the whole time apologizing over and over.

"Just- just lay down, Peter," Tony murmurs, his own hands shaking. "Close your eyes."

Peter sobs as he lays on the cold ground, body stiff and vision blurry.

He can see Ronan and the two other Kree watching them, sitting and smirking together. Peter tries so hard to calm his crying, but it seems to make it worse.

Tony takes Peter's boxers off, kneeling between his legs.

Peter covers himself with his hands, trembling.

"I'm so sorry," Tony murmured, leaning over him. Peter can't look as Tony takes himself out of his pants.

He's never prayed for death before now. He sobs and begs for this not to happen, for Ronan to just kill them and get this over with.

"I'm sorry."

Its the last thing Tony says before pressing into him. Peter arches, a strangled cry forced past his lips.

He can hear the Kree laughing, egging Tony on. Peter sobs as Tony presses all the way in, lowering himself.

Peter realizes he's hiding Peter as best he can, resting on his elbows. Peter wraps his arms around Tony's neck, burying his nose into his shoulder as Tony thrusts into him.

It lasts forever. He knows neither of them are enjoying it. But Peter knows why Tony's doing this. Knows why he chose to do it instead of letting Ronan.

And Peter can't help but love him for it. But he hates him too. Hates that the two of them are in this position.

Mostly he hates himself. He should've listened when Tony told him to go home. If he had just stayed on the bus, Tony and Dr. Strange might've gotten away.

"I'm so so sorry, Peter," Tony whispered against Peter's ear. He sounded wrecked, broken and disgusted with himself.

Peter whimpers against his shoulder as he's fucked into the cold floor.

"Its okay," he manages through his crying. "Its okay, its okay."

Tony just shakes his head, exhaling wetly against him.

Peter feels his balls tighten up, and he hates himself. He sobs and closes his eyes, hiding his face against Tony seconds before he cums.

"Shh, shh," Tony hushes, holding Peter tight. "I've got you."

But Peter knows he doesn't. Not really. He's just as defenseless as Peter is. They're trapped in space with aliens just slightly less villainous than Thanos himself.

He has to bite back a mewling sob as Tony cums moments later, painting Peter's inner walls in warm semen.

He doesn't stay attached to Peter for longer than needed. Peter's boxers are pulled back on and then Tony is pulling Peter into a seated position.

"There, you happy?" Tony snapped, hugging Peter to his chest. Peter trembles against him, burying his face in Tony's track suit.

"Very," Ronan hums. "Take them back to their cages. I might want to play with them a little later."

Peter can't stop crying when they're locked in their small four by four cage. Hes leaning against the bars, knees drawn up and arms holding his legs tightly.

Tony's on the other side, putting as much distance between them as possible.

Stephen and Quill's cage is still empty to the left of them, but to the right, Drax and Mantis sit. Peter can't even look at them.

Can't look at Tony.

He tucks his face into his knees and lets the sobs wrack his body, shoulders shaking with each shuddering breath.

[akitokihojo]

Monster - Chapter 10

chapter index

Hello I have returned. Have the next chapter.

CW: grooming

Also, please note that I have officially changed the rating of the story on AO3 and FF.net regarding *future* chapter(s). And don't act like y'all don't even know why. :)

-------

“I can’t believe that actually worked.” Kagome mentioned amusedly, walking a few feet behind her half demon companion.

“I told you it would. I can’t believe you tested out the sharpness on your thumb.” Inuyasha sarcastically sneered with an irritated roll of his eyes, his head slightly bobbing to the side.

“I didn’t test it out, and you know it.” Kagome half laughed - half sighed. “I just wanted to see the job Totosai did. It was super sharp!”

“Yeah, no fucking kidding, huh? I’m not sure if you know this, though, but you see things with your eyes.”

“It was an accident, you butt.”

“Will you hurry up and fix your tits so I can take a look at your cut already?” He pressed heatedly, intentionally keeping ahead of her.

Kagome had been wrestling with the lacing of her bodice for a few minutes now; ever since they left the inn. They were finally outside of the village and wandering through the forest, but it was a little tricky to get her breasts in order while keeping a steady pace behind Inuyasha. That, and finagling the strings with one less thumb so she wouldn’t get blood on her clothing.

“You know, now that you mention it, you haven’t looked at me since I tightened my bodice up. What’s up with that?” Kagome questioned, holding the loosened garment an inch away from her chest to try and shake her breasts down a little. No good. Not loose enough yet. She really went to town this time.

“You want me to?” He countered with a brazened tone.

“I mean, it’s not that I want you to. I don’t necessarily care one way or the other.”

“I’m trying to be respectful.”

“It was your idea for me to objectify myself, Inuyasha.”

“So? That’s different. It was Totosai objectifying you, and it served a purpose. You got your shit for free. It worked. Now put them away.”

“I’m trying! They wont work with me.” She laughed. It was honestly funny that he was so stiff ahead of her, so insistent to avoid looking at her.

“How bad is your thumb?”

“Eh, not too bad. It’s dripping down my hand, though.”

“Goddamn it, Kagome!” He ground out exasperatedly.

“Just turn around, oh my god.” Kagome laughed again, shaking her head.

“No.”

“You act like you won’t have anything else to look at if you do. Like, I don’t know, my eyes? Or, maybe even my thumb?”

“Fix your tits.”

“My nipples aren’t showing. It’s just a bit of cleavage.”

“I’m serious.”

“So, am I. My nipples really aren’t showing.”

“Oh my fucking god.”

“Ah! Inuyasha, it’s going down my forearm!” Kagome commented in a panicked tone, readjusting the way she held her arm as she quickly yanked her sleeve back so her blood wouldn’t stain.

Quickly, Inuyasha spun around, but he abruptly stopped before he could even reach for her hand, amber eyes landing on her chest and then hastily shooting up to her face. She watched his cheeks change colors, three shades of red appearing just beneath his eyes before he glared and turned back around to keep walking.

“Hey!”

“Fix ‘em.”

“Are you afraid of boobs, Inuyasha?” God, she was trying so hard not to laugh right now. She’d never seen anyone as flustered as he was now, and it was extremely difficult not to poke fun at him. “Is that what’s happening? Do my breasts intimidate you?”

“Kagome, don’t think I’m opposed to leaving you here alone until you fix your wardrobe malfunction.”

“You wouldn’t.” She stated plainly with a shrug he didn’t see.

“Oh, fuck you. Yes, I would.”

“And, leave me defenseless with a bleeding thumb and my tits out for all to take advantage of?” Obviously, that was a joke, but despite the lighthearted tone, she knew it would grind Inuyasha’s gears. He stopped walking and she heard the deep, hot inhale through his nose, literally watching his fingers furl into fists. It didn’t take a genius to know that he desperately wanted to leave her just to prove a point, but he couldn’t because there really was the possibility that she’d be an easy target.

“Go ahead,” Kagome laughed defeatedly, stopping behind him. “Say it.”

“Fuck you.” He huffed out through clenched teeth. “You’re manipulative.”

“Is there anyway I can kindly manipulate you into maybe helping me?” She almost mumbled, staring down at her chest while she struggled with one hand now.

“Kagome, what!?” Inuyasha lolled his head dramatically.

“I never realized how much I needed my thumbs for this. It was a struggle at first, but since I’m dripping now, I’m down to one hand entirely. I need help.”

“My help!?”

“Do you speak squirrel? Maybe you can get one of those guys to do it - yes, you’re help!” Kagome fired. “Stop being a sissy and just turn around. I promise my breasts wont bite you.”

“I hate you. I hate you so much right now.” He murmured, sliding his heel around in the dirt to face her. His golden eyes drifted around, never landing on her at all. They went from the right, above her, back to the right, then all the way over her and to the left.

“God, Inuyasha, I’m not asking you to grope me! Start from the bottom and pull this string.” Kagome waited a moment, observing Inuyasha’s discomfort, his blush, his tense stance. With a groan beneath her breath, she rolled her eyes again. “Would you feel better if I covered my cleavage?”

“I’m not sure.” He admitted.

“Fine, I’ll just do it, myself. But, stop for a minute. It’s even harder to do while walking.” Kagome conceded with a sigh. She turned around so Inuyasha would hopefully be more comfortable, pulling her sleeve as far back over her elbow as it would go to struggle with her lacing again with a little less risk of a mess. She continued on grumbling, “I don’t know what you’re problem is, though. I know damn well you’ve seen boobs before. Don’t act like mine aren’t nice. Mine are perfectly nice.”

With a feisty huff, Inuyasha gave in, giving her what she wanted with a little taste of her own medicine.

“Fine,” He grunted, grabbing her shoulder and yanking her around. Kagome unsuspectingly stood there, shocked, eyes wide as he flicked her hands away from her bodice. Inuyasha worked from the bottom up, yanking the strings loose as her body jostled slightly from the force of his movements. “Yes, your tits are nice. Is that what you want to hear? That’s not the problem though. You’re not someone I’m trying to hit and quit. You’re Kagome. I was being respectful. I refuse to make you feel objectified or uncomfortable.“ Finally loose enough, Inuyasha grabbed it from the top and wiggled her chest back and forth so her breasts would fall back into their proper place. Then, he went right back to tightening it up properly, going by how they usually looked as he pulled the strings taut, again her body jostling back and forth with his motions. “But, you just think it’s so funny, don’t you? You’re such a fucking brat sometimes, I swear. Well, fine. You want my help? You got it.” Inuyasha declared, quickly tying off the ends of the strings, and giving the top plush of her tits a finishing pat.

Kagome stared at him, stunned. There was a partial smile on her mouth, but it hung open, the heat of her face bubbling and bright. Inuyasha took in her blush, how it was taking forever to process what the fuck had just happened, and he cocked an arrogant smirk at the embarrassment he’d caused her to swim in.

“How’s it feel?” He asked smugly.

“I deserved that.” She remarked, trying to pinch her lips into a straight set line so she wouldn’t laugh. She hadn’t seen that coming. Not at all. “The - uh - the boob tap was a nice touch. No pun intended.”

There was a moment where he inhaled slowly, eyes blinking closed as his brows furrowed and creased deeply, but he couldn’t hold it. The both of them started laughing hysterically, his own coming out as a sort of snort from how hard he’d tried to bite the reaction back.

“Fuck, I can’t stand you!” He laughed, planting the palm of his hand on his forehead before sloppily dragging his silver bangs away.

“I’m sorry! I just didn’t expect to be manhandled by you!” Kagome had slightly doubled over from how funny it was. Anyone else, and she would have punched their lights out. But, this was Inuyasha. And, he went from zero to a hundred real freaking quick. It was both surprising and hilarious at the same time.

“How fucking old is that bodice? Why did I have to put so much effort into such a small thing?” Inuyasha stressed.

“Pretty old.” She giggled, testing the flexibility of his job. Honestly, it was nearly perfect. A smidgen tighter than she liked it, but not at all something she couldn’t live with. “I wear it all the time so it fits better to my body, but I’ve had to replace the lacing a few times already. I might be due for new strings. These ones like to stick in the holes and it makes it harder to pull loose - I know.”

“You’d better hope that thing doesn’t rip right off of you in the heat of battle.” He chuckled.

“Shh, don’t say that.” Kagome hushed. “You’ll jinx me.”

“Let me see your cut, you fucking idiot.” Inuyasha wagged his fingers to usher her hand over, taking it to inspect the small nick closely. It really was fucking tiny. How the fuck was it bleeding so much? “Turn around.”

Kagome pursed her lips and did as instructed, letting Inuyasha pull the drawstring of her bag loose and wriggle something free. With his clutch on the sack, her twisted her back to face him, opening up the canteen of water and slowly pouring some on the little laceration.

“Seriously, how did you even do this?”

“I don’t even know. I think my grip on the arrowhead just kind of slipped and I accidentally cut myself.”

“I can’t take you anywhere. You’re so fucking clumsy, it’s annoying.”

“Catch me, I’m swooning.” Kagome sarcastically remarked at his abrasive words with a playful roll of her eyes.

The corners of Inuyasha’s lips inched upward as he handed her the canteen to hold in her free hand, reaching into his pocket. The hanyou pulled out an off-white handkerchief, unfolding it before her with a little flick.

“Is that a flower on the corner? Inuyasha, I didn’t take you as a floral kind of guy.” Kagome giggled teasingly.

“Ha-ha.” He sneered. “A harlot gave it to me.”

“When?” Kagome hadn’t had the opportunity to hold back the rise in her tone before the word slipped off her tongue. It was shocked, and defensive, and almost territorial. Immediately, as she realized how she’d sounded, she fixed her expression and shut her mouth.

Inuyasha arched a brow, resisting the reflex to smirk. He didn’t take Kagome as the jealous type, but he’d caught it. No matter how quickly she’d adjusted herself and shifted her eyes away. Not to mention, there was a slightly embarrassed flush on her cheeks.

“Before I met you.” He said, finally letting himself smile, though it was smug as all hell. He could feel it. “We didn’t fuck.”

“Oh, that’s not it.” Kagome hastily reassured, giving a dramatic, one-shouldered shrug. “I was just a little surprised because I didn’t see you talk to anybody, so I was like ‘wow, when did another woman approach’, right? Because, like, I was right next to you most of the time, except for, like, when I went downstairs to the tavern to eat, but I highly doubt you would have snuck someone in then. Of course, even if you did, that’s none of my business. But, it was just, when we were shopping in the market avenue, we were right next to each other the whole time, so, like, I was just shocked because, wow, I didn’t see anything, so if it happened, it had to be super stealthy. I was just surprised, is all, but if it happened before we even met, then that makes a lot more sense. It’s actually a really pretty handkerchief.”

Good lord, she rambled when she was flustered. Inuyasha shrugged his brows, sighing deeply as he ignored her, taking the corner of the cloth between his teeth and ripping a long portion off.

“And, now it’s not.” Kagome deadpanned.

“Will you shut up already?” Inuyasha grumbled, wrapping the torn away length of cloth around her thumb to tie securely. “There. You’re gonna make it.”

“Thanks, doc.” She said with a cute pout.

Inuyasha’s ear flicked as he took the canteen to shove back in her bag, stopping for a moment to analyze the noise he’d caught. Light footsteps, small gait, single person, careful treading. Not in a stalking manner, though. It was nearby, but it didn’t seem like they were attempting to creep up in any way. With an attentive sniff, Inuyasha caught the scent of a human. One who made home more often in a forest than anywhere else. They had a woodsy scent, a fresh campfire lingering on their clothing. With how light they seemed, Inuyasha was willing to guess they were female. Though, he has been wrong before. It could also be a child. They had the tendency of ambling similarly, albeit with more frequent stumbling. Nevertheless, they were fine so long as both parties minded their own.

“You done rambling?” He asked as he came around the side of her, notching his head to signal for them to continue on.

“I wasn’t rambling.” She weakly defended with a barely audible huff from her nostrils.

“Okay,” He chuckled. “Well, if that’s the case, then keep your voice down. There’s someone nearby.”

“Who?”

“No one we need to worry about. Human. I just don’t want to attract attention our way.”

“Roger that.” Kagome nodded, sealing her lips and walking by his side.

Silence, talking, bantering, it was all comfortable with Inuyasha at this point. There was something that had shifted between them over the past couple of days. After he’d gone to sleep on his human night, Kagome laid there awake, listening to the peacefulness of his deep breathing. It wasn’t often that he slept, but he seemed to fall asleep pretty quickly that night. All she could hope was that he was okay and comfortable, and that he woke up well-rested.

But, she worried that maybe she’d pushed the boundaries with all the touching she’d done on him that night. She was a little more handsy than normal. Granted, it was only his hair, arm, and legs, and they’d held hands for about thirty seconds, but it was still abnormal and slightly unwarranted. Kagome got a bit in her head by overthinking the situation. She was slightly overly affectionate, which was weird on its own because this was a different sort of affection she hadn’t really understood or explored before. And, while she wanted to blame the one beer she’d consumed and Koga’s insinuation of her feelings for Inuyasha, by the next morning, she knew she couldn’t. She knew it made sense for a reason. How could she deny that she had an attraction toward him?

Thing was, Kagome was worried she’d made it too apparent. He was so close to her, they were touching like it was second nature, and she hadn’t even considered that she may have been overstepping a boundary. She’d hoped, sincerely hoped, that things wouldn’t be awkward in the morning.

Luckily and surprisingly, they weren’t. Though, things weren’t quite the same either. Inuyasha walked a few inches closer to her. They’d decided to stay in town for another day for a little rest - which she knew was because he was aware of how exhausted she was from all the extra effort she’d been putting into her training and growth. That, he wouldn’t openly admit, though. Nor, would she expect him to. It was good enough for her to be able to read him, and that was all Kagome needed to appreciate. They ate breakfast in Kaede’s tavern, and he kicked the toes of her boots a few times. It was a casual thing as they waited and conversed, but it was new. She wouldn’t necessarily call it footsies though. That was a little too cutesy of a stunt for Inuyasha to ever pull. Then, he took her around the town, discretely showing her some of the deterrents Kaede had previously mentioned. He stayed close. Always close. Especially, when he took her to the market avenue.

There was a bit of a crowd even Inuyasha seemed surprised about. Kagome could tell he wasn’t a fan of them right away. His ears swiveled unpleasantly, almost pinning down for a brief moment, and he seemed to stiffen minutely. Nothing too obvious, but she’d caught the difference. She was quick to suggest they come back later, but the hanyou shook his head, clearing his dissatisfaction.

“Stay close.” He’d instructed as he guided her through. “Don’t want to lose you.”

It might have meant nothing but basic kindness to him, but it caused a tiny flurry in her abdomen. That sensation spread out whenever people got a little too close to her and Inuyasha’s hand would unconsciously find the small of her back. Was it protective, or was it just to make sure they didn’t get separated? Or both? Kagome didn’t allow herself to read too far into it. She just decided to go along with it, enjoying the warmth and safety of his presence.

They ate dinner in the tavern, joked with Kaede in her downtime, played rock-paper-scissors - which was shockingly exciting for such a simple game, enjoyed one last, hot bath, and then went to bed. Of course, ending with Inuyasha wrestling with her and dumping her on the mattress like before. At some point in the day, Kagome had stopped thinking about the potential for awkward tension between them, she stopped thinking about accidentally overstepping boundaries the night before, she stopped thinking about incidentally making Inuyasha uncomfortable with her affection, because it felt like he was partaking in growing closer to her, as well. It felt natural. It felt like no thought needed to be applied, and whatever was happening was organic.

Whether it was in the same nature as her or not, she wasn’t sure. And, she tried to believe it didn’t matter.

So quickly, yet still not terrifying. Not to her. Kagome had thoroughly come to enjoy his company.

“So,” She spoke, keeping her voice low so it was conversational but between them. “What did you mean by, ‘you’re Kagome’?”

“You’re Kagome.” Inuyasha repeated matter-of-factly.

“And?”

“You’re annoying.”

“And?” She giggled.

“You’re fishing for something I’m not going to give you.” He stated gruffly.

“Allow me to fill in the blanks.”

“Here we go.” Inuyasha muttered.

“‘You’re Kagome’, when looked up in a modern dictionary, can mean one of three things: Number one, I respect you so stinking much that I could never find it in myself to sexualize you non-consensually. Number two, I’m not attracted to you and it makes me feel uncomfortable that you have such nice breasts because I would rather not view you as a sexually appeasing woman. Number three, you’re one of the bro’s.”

“Number four, you’re an idiot I can never get to shut up, so it’s physically impossible to be attracted to someone like you.” He added.

“Hah! Says the guy who got shy at the sight of a little cleavage.” Kagome playfully teased.

“Why are you not offended when I call you ugly?” Inuyasha chuckled, his expression twisting bemusedly.

Kagome stopped, an obvious pout replacing her grin. “You think I’m ugly?”

Inuyasha turned to look at her, his face shifting seriously as he panicked at her sudden hurt. “No. No, Kagome I don’t think you’re…” He paused as he watched her lips slowly curve upward, brown eyes twinkling devilishly. “I hate you.”

She laughed, “That’s why.”

“You fucking tricked me.”

“It’s one thing to not be attracted to me, Inuyasha. Of course, my feelings wouldn’t be hurt by that. But, calling me ugly would actually hurt me, and you know it, and I’ve noticed that’s something you try to avoid.”

“Hurting your feelings? I literally call you an idiot all the time.”

“Yes, but you know that doesn’t bother me.” She smiled, shrugging as she continued walking. She heard his footsteps follow behind her, crunching leaves and the thick clumps of dirt on their path.

“What makes you think I care about hurting your feelings? It’s not something I actively try to avoid, kid. You’ve probably just got a thicker layer of skin since you grew up with two boys.” Inuyasha was pulling shit out of his ass. Kagome had sort of scattered his brain for a moment. She was reading him well. Was he obvious in his attempts at taking better care of her sensitive nature?

“Nah,” She turned around to look at him, and he froze from how happy she seemed. He knew she was joking, playing around, and there was only one thing she’d said that had bothered him. That he wasn’t attracted to her. While he would rather keep it to himself, while he would rather that not be obvious information, it was still incorrect. Because, when she smiled the way she was right now, when her cheeks tinted naturally, and when the sun touched her through the tops of the trees, his heart had a tendency to clench. It wasn’t painful, it wasn’t jolting, but it was there. Of course, he found her appealing to look at. There were so many sides to her that he’d been able to witness over the weeks, and he genuinely only disliked one. Her sadness. Her tears. It wasn’t that they were ugly. He just hated it. It had no business clouding the joyful features that he observed now. Despite all that, he genuinely wanted to see more. He wanted to see it all. He wanted to see her fierce side, her determined side, he wanted to see her scowl - pointed at others, of course - and her attitude, he wanted to see what she looked like when she danced, when she was compassionate, and at the end of the day, he wanted to see her win. Inuyasha was truly attracted to Kagome, and even though that was his business, it still didn’t sit quite well that she considered otherwise. “You’re just a big softie.”

Inuyasha deadpanned. That was the second time she’d called him that, and he was beginning to think she really believed it. “And, you’re stupid.”

“You didn’t deny it!”

“Neither did you.” The hanyou stated smugly, catching up to her side. He watched her expression flatten, and she grumpily kicked a rock out of her path. Got her.

Interestingly, the human was still nearby. He’d thought, after a while, they would have gone in some other direction, but it was almost like they were keeping up with he and Kagome. Additionally, they seemed to be walking just a bit closer. More than that. They were walking toward them now. It seemed like in a matter of minutes, they were bound to cross paths.

No. Something wasn’t right.

Inuyasha stopped, swiping his arm out in front of Kagome’s stomach to halt her as well. The girl jumped slightly at the sudden change, but she settled into place as her hands gently grabbed his forearm, attention on his hardened jaw but eventually following his gaze ahead of them.

A woman stepped out from behind a thick-trunked tree, an emotionless expression on her pale face as she gazed at the two of them with caramel eyes. Beneath, the skin was thin and dark, telling stories of her fatigue, though her shoulders were broadened energetically. She was thin, mid-height, wore fitted pants, but the beige blouse she donned seemed two sizes too large, tucked into her bottoms to keep the tail out of the way. On her right shoulder, she wore a quiver of arrows and a long bow, colored red and cracked from years of usage. It came from above, but a white, ghostly serpent slithered down and around the woman’s shoulders and chest, dropping a glowing light through her heart before circling her body to perch on her free shoulder with its insectile legs.

“Kikyo.” Kagome breathed, but when Inuyasha looked down at his companion, he noticed she didn’t appear as pleased or welcoming as he would have expected her to be. So, this was the great Kikyo, huh? He lowered his arm.

Kagome skeptically glanced at Inuyasha, and even though she was just touching him, she reached for him once more to feel his shoulder.

“This is real.” Kikyo spoke. “I’m not in your head. I’m here. And, before you react to anything dramatically, no, this is not the endgame we were intended to meet at.”

Inuyasha’s brows pinched together slightly, and he felt a tug pull down at the corners of his lips. Already, he wasn’t a huge fan of the way she spoke to Kagome.

It was a moment before Kagome could speak. All she could do was stare at the woman in front of her. Over the past year, she’d always imagined she would be some form of excited when meeting Kikyo in person, but Kagome currently felt no emotion in similarity. She was unhappy. She was growing increasingly more upset, a grudge she’d been holding against the woman rising to the surface now.

“Been a while.” She finally said, her tone level.

“Yes. It has been.” Kikyo walked closer, leaving just a few feet’s worth of a gap separating she and the opposite conjurer. “I’ll admit, I haven’t much felt like talking to you. I had nothing to say.”

“Oh, you haven’t?” Kagome shrugged her brows in minor challenge. “Well, ditto.”

“Ditto?”

“Means, the feeling’s mutual. I didn’t want to talk to you, either.”

“Are you claiming to be upset with me?”

“I am.” Kagome stated plainly.

“On what grounds?” Kikyo asked, a modest scowl appearing on her features.

“You first.”

Inuyasha swiftly grew uncomfortable as both women faced each other. At the reveal of who the person was, he hadn’t suspected Kagome to be any degree of unhappy, yet she faced the supposedly powerful conjurer with squared shoulders and a vexed look on her face. Now that he thought about it, she hadn’t mentioned Kikyo since that night they played the question game. He figured if they were in consistent, subconscious communication, as it previously seemed, she’d share any news. It made sense now. They hadn’t spoken. Still, no matter how badly he wanted to take a large step to the side, he resigned to remain at Kagome’s for the moment. He really hadn’t seen her in a confrontational state such as this, so he had no idea what to expect right now.

“You know what you did.” Kikyo replied.

“You mean, what I didn’t do?” Kagome cocked her head to the side. Again, the challenge was present.

“Yes.” Kikyo huffed.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

“You don’t - excuse me?” For the first time, Kagome heard a heightened inflection in Kikyo’s tone. Even when she lectured her that last time, she didn’t seem this exasperated. And, so quickly too. Kagome was sort of proud of herself. Kikyo always appeared so grounded. “This has everything to do with me, Kagome.”

“No, you think it has everything to do with you, but it really doesn’t. You voiced your opinion, I took it into account, but then I made my own decision. You and I can’t travel together, and you basically told me I’m on my own, so that means I get to call my own shots. Right? Right.”

“You’re a fool.”

“Oh my god.” Kagome’s head lolled back dramatically before finding its way to sit upright. “That again? I’m the fool, but you wanted to punish me by giving me the silent treatment for traveling with Inuyasha? Fine, I’ll take it. But, you’re immature.”

“What do you have against me?” Inuyasha inquired with a small shrug, confused. He was sidelined one moment, and then before he knew it, part of the problem.

Kikyo hissed an abrupt hushing sound at the half demon, barely looking at him before she went back to glaring at Kagome. “Tell me why you have the audacity to be mad.”

“The audacity?” Kagome guffawed, so blown away by Kikyo’s ego that she couldn’t help but back step with her jaw hanging agape. “Okay! Sure! Were you ever gonna mention that you were hanging around my village for god knows how long? That you were spotted and that was the reason Naraku’s henchmen had been visiting so frequently? Hm? Ever plan on bringing that information up, or were you just gonna sweep it under the rug?”

“Are you blaming me for -“

“No. I’m not. The girl’s death is on them. I’m blaming you for being partially responsible for making the last few months of my life hell, though! Did you watch when my mother was slapped across the face two months ago? She was hit so hard, her cheek was bruised and she spit blood. Did you sit back and relax when an old lady had her face shoved in horse shit? Her heart gave out a week later, and the doctor thinks it was from the stress. We all called her Grandma Hojo. She raised one of my friends. She was all he had left. How about the time they defiled our graveyard? Did you like that little show they put on? How I had to scoop up and bury my father’s ashes for the second time!? You really want to say that I have the ‘audacity’ to be mad at you!? Kikyo, you were right fucking there! Why did you -“

“Hey,” His voice was soothing as Inuyasha swiftly reached for her jaw with one hand, her nearest shoulder with the other, turning Kagome to face him. He bowed his head slightly, speaking only to her as he forced her eye contact. “Hey, it’s okay. Calm down, alright? Don’t visit that pain again. I don’t want you going back to that.”

The hanyou gave her a moment, and luckily Kikyo stayed stiff with silence. He didn’t let Kagome go. Truthfully, he was willing to guess even she hadn’t realized how emotional she was becoming or how the post-traumatic stress was being triggered. But, he’d seen it. He heard things he couldn’t imagine a single person having to live through, let alone this girl. This girl whose eyes brought him solace without any effort, this girl whose laughter was bubbly and sweet, this girl he was biased enough to believe deserved it all the least. Even he was slammed with the weight of the experiences she’s lived through, and these occurrences were only separated by mere weeks. But, it was at the mention of her father’s remains being disrespected that his heart wrenched painfully. If he was hurt by the thought, he knew Kagome was engulfed in that pain and anger, and that was where Inuyasha needed to reach in and yank her out. It was so easy to drown in trauma you hadn’t been able to sort through yet, and he couldn’t let it take her. She could continue arguing all she wanted. Truthfully, he loved her feisty side. This seemed like something that was waiting to come, anyway. But, she was going to stay balanced while she did it. He was there to make sure she didn’t get too overwhelmed.

Kagome took a deep breath, slightly embarrassed but thankful for her companion reeling her back to reality. She had been quickly growing so furiously heated that she wasn’t even thinking straight and her fingers had begun trembling, but his touch pulled her back to the present. She hated that she was so emotion driven, she hated that she got so passionately flustered when reliving past incidents, but none of that was important right now. Kagome nodded as she felt steadier, more level-headed, and then turned out of his grasp, looking back at Kikyo. She could feel the slant of her own eyes, though. Her glare held no forgiveness yet. She wanted to hear Kikyo’s explanation, and quite frankly, deserved it.

“You do blame me.” Kikyo stated more than questioned, a slight frown tugging at her lips.

“I blame you for what you’re responsible for, yes.” Kagome replied. “I blame you for just standing by and watching. I blame you for knowing the havoc you’d caused, but never giving any sort of warning. You had plenty of opportunities. You communicated to me in my dreams, but all you ever said was, ‘the responsibility is ours.’ Not once did you slip in a, ‘hey, I fucked up. Look out.’”

Kikyo’s caramel eyes fell to the forest floor, the muscles at the joint of her jaw flexing and nostrils flaring. There was the smallest quiver in her chin, but she tucked it in the hopes that it wouldn’t be noticed. A heat was rising through her chest, her neck, her face, and all too soon, her nervous ticks began to kick. Her hips swayed side-to-side, her fingers clenched and unclenched repeatedly, she gnawed on her thin, bottom lip, and she blinked profusely because she’d be damned if anyone saw a single tear from her.

“I - I didn’t know what to do.” Kikyo hesitantly admitted.

Kagome didn’t speak. In fact, she sealed her lips. The floor belonged to Kikyo.

“It took forever to find you, and when I had, I didn’t want to forget your face or your village. It was difficult to locate to begin with. I did - um - I did make a mistake, Kagome. I wasn’t paying as close attention to my surroundings as I should have been. I got too relaxed, and hadn’t realized I’d been seen at first. When it became apparent, it was too late. I tried wandering away, even going so far as to intentionally be seen elsewhere to try and drag the attention away from you and yours, but I was unsuccessful. Thing was, so long as I remained evasive, things weren’t going to be as bad as they could have been. Things were terrible, I know, but if they had caught me, that is when Naraku would have shown up. Or, could have. I don’t know how that would work or how they would gather his attention, but it wasn’t a chance I was willing to take. They could not involve him if they did not have me.”

“But, why didn’t you say anything to me?”

“I did not want you to go looking for me. Knowing I was right there, you would have come searching.”

“You could have at least warned me to expect the worst. You could have said something.” “Kagome, I am a conjurer. I am not clairvoyant. I had no idea what was coming for you once I had been seen.”

“Okay, fair.” She huffed agitatedly. “But, you never said anything to me afterward, either.”

“It was in the past.”

“Oh, screw you!” She snapped, stepping back again.

“It wasn’t something you needed to focus on, anymore!”

“I really can’t get a read on you! Are you that cold!? Are you that insensitive!?”

“No!” Kikyo was beginning to crack. She didn’t know how to properly explain herself, how to make Kagome understand that her intentions were pure and not cruel. Naturally, Kikyo had a difficult time emotionally connecting with others. Ever since she’d met Naraku, ever since her life and heart had taken a nosedive into turbulent waters, connecting grew exponentially more difficult. Throw that in with the fact that human interaction was few and far between, she was in a disposition where she legitimately felt blocked. How did she make Kagome understand? Did she overshare? It was uncomfortable to consider, but even now, where she stood, she was uncomfortable already.

“You didn’t even help! You just watched! You watched peoples’ homes get torn apart, you watched my family suffer, you watched women get thrown around and harassed, one was almost raped last month, Kikyo!”

“Kagome, I didn’t mean -“

“No! Stop it! I looked up to you! You made me look up to you! I thought you were my hope, I thought you were everyone’s hope! Lo and behold, you were five feet away the whole time, and you just watched!” Kagome’s voice cracked from her zeal, her fury. “And, you want to tell me it’s a thing of the past!? Tell that to Hojo! Tell that to my mother! No, you know what? Go ahead and tell that to any male in my village. They’ll still take it as personally as any woman who’s been at the wrath of the henchmen’s hands. Go ahead, Kikyo. Tell that to my cousin and little brother. See how they’d respond.”

“I just - I didn’t -“ Kikyo’s breathing had increased. Her pale cheeks were now painted red, her eyes were bloodshot, her lips were bitten, pressed, and sucked so hard that they finally hued pink. Her chest rose and fell heavily from the way her lungs pumped air in and out, that her breasts actually pressed against the cloth of her baggy shirt. “If I did something, there was - there was the chance that I wouldn’t get them all. They were working off of inconclusive evidence of my presence since they had nothing tangible, so if I basically confirmed I was there and failed to kill every last one of them, Naraku would come. Kagome, Naraku wouldn’t hesitate to kill you all just to find me. He would have you killed. I couldn’t - no. I didn’t know what to do.”

Kagome took the sight of the breaking conjurer in. Finally, she was expressing emotion. Finally, she was showing something relatable, she was conveying tension, and anxiety, and fear, and remorse. Finally. “Were you scared?”

“No!” Kikyo hardened hastily.

“You’d only be doing yourself a favor by admitting it.” Inuyasha spoke, his tone gruff. “You’re not fooling either of us.”

A tear fell from Kikyo’s eye, but her hand swiped across her cheek to clear it so quickly. That tear served as her breaking point, though. It was like a wall she’d forged in unbreakable steel was cracking down the middle, and the weight Kikyo carried on her shoulders was bringing it to crumble. She gasped as the emotions overpowered her, as the guilt overwhelmed her, and this sensation, the denseness in her chest, the disturbing warmth that tingled over her skin, was all so foreign now that she didn’t know how to process it all at once.

She was only human. This was a bold reminder of which. Kagome’s anger began to dissipate, the flush in her body was cooling down. Her own heart clenched at the visible pain the opposite woman was in, but she didn’t know what to do to help.

“I was. I was scared.” Kikyo cried, relentlessly wiping her face of her tears. Her head was bowed so her twisted, sorrowful expression wasn’t observable, but she spoke up, despite her broken voice, to make sure the confessions she’d kept under lock and key were heard as clearly as possible. “I didn’t mean to cause so much damage, and I didn’t know what to do to correct it. There was always the risk that there were lingering demons. They didn’t always bring everyone in their pack. Their leader was smart, and the risks hanging over your head scared the hell out of me. For a while, I thought I was helping by staying out of it.”

“Well,” Kagome sighed, trying to push the remaining resentment from her veins. “You’re definitely right about something there. Their leader was smart. He rarely brought his whole squad, and when he did, it meant they were bored and all hell was about to break loose.”

“I didn’t know that them spotting me would make things harder on you. Was everything they did from that point on abnormal?” Kikyo asked, sniffling but desperately trying to pull herself together. The skin beneath her eyes was scarlet and puffy, and the tip of her nose was bright. She blinked quickly to fight off anymore tears from falling, and any that did escape was swiftly cleared away with the wet sleeve of her shirt.

“I don’t know when, exactly, they noticed you since they never said anything, but they increased their visits. Which makes sense now since it turns out they were trying to weed you out.”

“Weed me out?”

“Yeah, they thought you might have had family in my town. And, even if you didn’t, overall, they were just trying to get you to react.”

“Wait,” Kikyo shook her head slightly, perplexed. “How do you know this? I don’t understand.”

“I had a little run-in with their leader almost three weeks ago. He spilled the beans.” Kagome grumbled, recollecting on that incident.

“Oh,” The shake of her head deepened, eyes falling for a moment as she exhaled heatedly. “I - I wasn’t aware of that.”

“It’s alright. He’s dead now. All of his lugs are. Hopefully, my home is at least a little more peaceful and they’re in recovery.”

“I want you to know, I also wasn’t aware of the grave defilement. That may have happened when I was away and trying to pull the attention off of your village. I did not know you had to… your father. Kagome, I didn’t even know your father was deceased.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Kagome resigned, pushing the memory away.

“Look, this - uh - this isn’t why I came here today. I need to speak with you.” Kikyo admitted, centering herself as she raised her chin as she normally would.

“About what?”

Kikyo regarded Inuyasha was a slight shift of her eyes before glancing back over to Kagome. “In private.”

“No.” Kagome said. It was straight, like there was no room for compromise.

“Yes.”

“She said no.” Inuyasha said.

“You are not involved.”

“I am now.”

“Kagome -“

“Kikyo, whatever you tell me is most likely going to be relayed back to Inuyasha, anyway. He’s with me. We’re doing this together. So, you can talk to me with him around.” Kagome attested. “He’s trustworthy, I promise.”

“I do not deem him so.”

“Alright, that’s it. What’s your problem?” Inuyasha questioned, his attitude flaring. He cocked his head to the side, panning the woman with an indifferent stare.

“You have no business here.” Kikyo responded. “I tried to caution Kagome against traveling with you, but she’s as stubborn as a mule. Be that as it may, just because she finds you trustworthy, does not mean I have to agree.”

“You’re right, you don’t.” He shrugged, a hint of venom on his tongue. “But, that doesn’t change a damn thing, sweet cheeks. Kagome and I still come in a pair, and because she’s already declined to leave me out of it, it looks like you better get used to me being included. She’s already told you she’d only end up telling me everything, anyway. So, you might as well get talking.”

“You are highly infuriating.”

“Likewise. You’ve sparked a fight with both Kagome and I in the span of minutes. That takes skill.”

“I don’t much care about offending you.”

“Right back at ya.”

“You have no business here.” Kikyo repeated, more vexed that time.

The hanyou gestured to the girl at his side. “All the business I need.”

“Kikyo, stop.” Kagome tried. “Just tell me what you came here to tell me.”

“No.” She held up a hand at Kagome, her glare aimed at the half demon at her side. Kikyo squared her shoulders mightier, and he only stood a couple inches taller than she, so she barely had to look up at him to meet his amber eyes. “Why should I trust you? Why should I believe you’re a good asset to Kagome?”

“What is this, an interview? You think you call the shots or something?” Inuyasha challenged.

“I am more experienced than she is, so I know what your kind is like. It’s normal to have lapses in judgement when you’re fresh to the world outside of your home, and it’d be way too lucky to stumble upon someone valuable immediately. So, tell me, hanyou. Tell me why I should trust you.”

“Kikyo, stop.” Kagome ordered, going ignored.

“You’re missing the point. I don’t give a flying fuck if you trust me. Get your head out of your ass and understand that you have no fucking say here. I’m along for the ride whether you like it or not.”

“You shouldn’t be. Just your temper tells me you’re irrational and could get Kagome hurt.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“That Kagome needs to be as level-headed as physically possible with every step she takes, and that she can’t afford to take chances with reckless half demons such as yourself.”

“Are you implying that I would put Kagome in danger!?” Inuyasha seethed, filled with a burning heat that rose over his body.

“I am implying that even if you kept your mouth shut, who you are is a risk on its own.”

“Kikyo!” Kagome shouted.

“Fuck you!” Inuyasha growled. He hadn’t been this angry at an insult toward his hanyou state in so fucking long, this feeling was almost unnatural to him at this point. How dare she? Who the fuck did this bitch think she was? Everything from his tongue thereafter was uncontrollable and hot, it was demanding and sharp as knives. “Says the twat who refused to even help Kagome out from the beginning because you were too scared to be caught by Naraku! Yeah, I’m a fucking half demon, Kikyo! Who gives a rats ass!? Kagome doesn’t seem to mind, but I guess you’re just so fucking entitled that you’re not used to your opinion being irrelevant! Jesus fuck, but for you to think I would ever put Kagome in danger is low! You don’t know me! Don’t pretend to know me because of my genetics!”

“Would you give your life for hers?”

“Without a second thought.” He answered quickly, furiously, his tone lethal and husky. Inuyasha realized then that Kikyo was calm. She’d relented halfway through his rant, the tiniest of smug grins appearing on her lips. What was that about? Was she egging him on? Did she believe him? Or was this what she wanted all along? Either way, he wasn’t finished. He knew what he’d said, but he felt like he needed to make sure he was understood completely with no room for misinterpretation. “I don’t give a fuck who you think you are, I don’t even care what you think of me. What matters here is Kagome, and so long as she trusts me, I’m not going anywhere. She’s safe with me. I would never intentionally put her in danger. Understand?”

“Got it.” She smiled, holding her hands up to submit. “Calling me a ‘twat’ was a bit excessive, but that was all I wanted to know.”

“Were you -“ Kagome gawked incredulously. “Were you testing him?”

“I was. He wouldn’t outwardly tell me why I should trust him in the beginning, so I had to trick him into telling me.”

“Good lord, you really need to work on your social skills.” Kagome groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“I know, it’s not the greatest tactic.” Kikyo scrunched her expression remorsefully. “It’s difficult for me to properly navigate conversations; I really don’t talk to a lot of people much anymore. I’m not surprised that I’ve upset you both. I apologize, Inuyasha. I just wanted to - are you okay?”

Inuyasha had crouched down where he stood, his elbows braced on his knees as he buried his face in his hands. “You stress me the fuck out, dude.”

“I just wanted to make sure you had good intentions.” Kikyo assured, looking slightly panicked. “When a person is heated, they say their truths more passionately, and -“

“Yeah. Just talk to Kagome.” He murmured, not yet coming out of his position.

Kagome soothingly rubbed her hand over the top of his back, lightly scratching her fingers at the nape of his neck where his hairline was. “Alright, we’re all done fighting. No more of that, okay? What did you come here for?”

“Are you sure he’s okay?” Kikyo whispered concernedly to the opposite conjurer.

“He will be.” She replied in a hushed tone, as well.

“Alright, well I should - I should apologize to you, too. I should have never -“

“It’s alright, Kikyo. I understand.”

“No, you really don’t.” She confessed. “There’s a lot more that I’ve been hiding from you. I didn’t know the right time to tell you, or even how, but I fear it’s imperative knowledge.”

“What is it?” Kagome asked.

“I don’t even know where to start except to ask:” There was a brief pause as Kikyo inhaled deeply, sighing out just the same, almost in preparation. “How - how is my sister?”

Kagome didn’t take long to process her question. She pursed her lips and nodded instead, taking her hand back as her companion rose back to a standing. “I knew it. Kaede.”

Inuyasha almost instantly regretted unfurling from his ball. This chick was all over the place. One minute she’s starting fights, then she’s testing him, the next she’s admitting to withholding important information, and now she’s Kaede’s long lost sister? Holy fucking shit. This was a joke, right?

“Is she well? Healthy?” Kikyo continued, her tone substantially softer.

“Inuyasha, this is your domain.” Kagome handed over to him.

“Inuyasha?” Kikyo questioned, as if to as why Kagome couldn’t answer, herself.

“He knows her on a more personal level. I only met her because of him.”

“Wait, wait, wait. I’m gonna need a little more information here. Kaede said her sister died. Tragically.” Inuyasha stated.

“You’re her friend?” Kikyo asked hopefully.

“Yes. Focus.”

“It’s - please, just tell me she’s okay first. She has to be, right? Is that her building, or is she just working in it?”

“Kaede’s fine. She’s a fucking firecracker. The building is an inn, and yes, she owns it. Your turn.”

Kikyo cracked a small smile of relief, nodding and bowing her head as the information registered. Her sister was well. Now, came the fun part. She prefaced by taking an inconspicuous step back. With the wild energy of the two before her, and how quick they were to spring into attack mode, the last thing Kikyo wanted was to be within arm’s reach for this.

“I faked my death. It was to protect Kaede.”

Inuyasha grimaced, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned his torso down to the side toward Kagome. “Why do I get the feeling I’m not going to like this?”

“Because, nothing good ever comes from a statement like that.” Kagome returned, giving a slight grimace, herself.

“I’m right here. I can hear you.” Kikyo grumbled.

“Sorry. Continue.” Kagome waved dismissively.

“Look,” Kikyo sighed, her shoulders dropping an inch. “I’ve known Naraku for well over a decade. We loved each other - or, at least I thought. I - I loved him, that was for certain. Now that I’m older, I see how volatile our relationship truly was, but it changes nothing. I was a teenager when we'd met and he was eleven years older, and I was too young and naive to understand the red flags I was shrugging off. Naraku was never on our side. The side of good.”

“Sorry, to interrupt, but I need to know: Did you know Naraku while he was human? Or was he a half demon by the time you two met?” Inuyasha asked, and he observed Kikyo’s expression widen in slight dismay.

“How did you know about that?”

Inuyasha blatantly didn’t answer. His look was hard, straight, his arms still crossed and lips closed. Her inquiry was valid, but he didn’t really like his questions being answered with questions constantly. She’d get her explanation in a moment, but his came first.

“I met him while he was still human.” Kikyo relented, understanding his body language. “I had planned to mention his transformation in sequence, though I will admit, I wasn’t sure how it would have come off.”

“Fair enough.” The hanyou nodded. “I had an unfortunate run-in with his indisposed state. From my angle, it’s not hard to tell what I was looking at.”

“He was -“ Kikyo ground her jaw, eyes falling to the floor as they slanted indignantly. “I wish I had known just how insane he was beneath the surface. It was criminal just how well he hid behind smiles and polite gestures, and he was so gentle with me I would have never guessed he’d one day want to kill me. He talked a little about growing stronger, tired of being human, wanting more control. I was seventeen, I didn’t know that there were people in the world that struggled with mental sickness. That they could walk into your life with a sweet smile and leave with a wicked one. I didn’t know what he’d do for this control he spoke of, and I had no idea that once he got an actual taste of it, he’d go mad for more. I’ve never been the type to wear my heart on my sleeve, so I thank myself for being guarded in the first few years of our friendship. As we fell in love, that was when I opened up about being a conjurer. A creator of light and purity. But, as he allowed demons to consume him, trading his soul for the power they offered, gradually losing whatever humanity he had left in him, Naraku became the exact opposite. Do you understand, Kagome? Do you understand why it has to be us?”

Her mouth parted as she processed the information, her voice coming out small as the revelation became clear. “Naraku is literally darkness, and we are literally light.”

“Precisely.”

“No.” Inuyasha spoke, holding the hint of defense. “I understand why it has to be a conjurer, but why Kagome, specifically? She’s never met Naraku, never seen his face, she didn’t fuck him, wasn’t there for his transformation, so why did you bring her into this?”

Kikyo took another step back, slightly uncomfortable. “I’ll get to that. As Naraku and I grew closer, developed a relationship, and I had learned to trust him, I began to open up about things that weren’t superficial. I told him I had a sister, but they never met. I practically raised Kaede, so she was the only one I held unconditionally dear. No one I mingled with would know her on a personal level until I was certain it was a lifelong commitment and they would never bring her harm. While I had developed irrevocable feelings for Naraku, I felt something was off with him, and my intuition always stung when I considered introducing them to one another. He never seemed interested either. Actually, he hates children. So, him not asking or prying helped in the sense where I never felt guilty or obligated.

“Behind my back, he began his affairs with demons, selling his soul piece-by-piece as they joined his body. He killed like it was easy. He murdered for fun. He laughed when he felt the liberation of his newfound, despicable abilities. And, he'd told me as much as soon as he saw my own at play. I was distracted by him at one point; he was playfully encouraging me, acting the part of my kindhearted partner, and my arrow hit a demon but didn’t hold enough power to kill it. Naraku walked up to it, spoke something incomprehensible, and then absorbed the demon right into his body.

“That was the moment everything slowly began to unravel. He expressed desires I didn’t share, how we would be the definition of a power couple. A demon and a conjurer taking over the world. Nothing could stop us. If I shifted my focus to darker magic, he claimed nothing ever would. We’d be untouchable. I wanted no part in that. Power was never what I craved. After the childhood I’d endured, watching my parents ripped away from us by evil, I just wanted to craft my powers well enough to ensure a peaceful life for myself and my younger sister. So, I tried. I desperately tried to save Naraku. I reasoned with him, pleaded for him to come to his senses, even used our relationship as bait. He laughed in my face. Like, I meant nothing to him.

“It felt irresponsible of me to merely leave him. What good would that do? I break up with him and leave him as a menace for the rest of the world to deal with? Like, it wasn’t my problem anymore? He’d already confessed to joyful murder, and he was only growing stronger. I was -“ Kikyo paused, sucking in a grounding breath. Expressing emotions wasn’t her forte, especially now, but honesty was what Kagome deserved. And, she knew very well by now that if she didn’t, either she or Inuyasha would call her out on it. “I was scared. No, terrified. What was I supposed to do? Even if I did take the cowardice way out, Naraku would never let go of me that easily. I was trapped. Progressively, he grew violent toward me, making horrible threats if I didn’t abide by his wishes. He made me study with a woman named Tsubaki; a dark conjurer. A year later, I had no choice but to kill her. She was tainted, deplorable, and she would rip the heart from a person’s chest without so much as an ounce of remorse.

“That was also when I knew what I had to do. I had to stop Naraku. We were polar opposites, and it came to a point where there was no denying I was the only one capable of bringing him down. Unfortunately, he was three steps ahead of me. He knew as soon as I had killed Tsubaki that it was a statement as to what side I was on. All that mattered, all that he saw, was that I was against him. So quickly, everything crumbled.

“He planned to kill everyone I cared for. Naraku set attack to my village. Everything was on fire. People were screaming, pleading for help. I made a split-second decision then. I was going to let Naraku believe he killed my sister, and I was going to let her believe he’d killed me. It was the only way to make sure either stayed away from the other. I couldn’t take the chance that he would potentially come back for her, seek her out, so I used the dark magic Tsubaki taught me.”

Kagome could see the shame visible on Kikyo’s face. It was in the way her lips and chin crinkled, in the way her brow tensed, in the way her brown eyes shifted to the side as if there were a mirror before her and she couldn’t look straight at herself. Her pale fists clenched tight, and though she lacked color, Kagome could still notice the difference in white around her knuckles. If this was a lot for Kagome to hear, to digest, it had to be overwhelming for Kikyo to confess. Had she ever faced the full brunt of everything she’d been through and everything she’d done? Was her admittance to Kagome and Inuyasha the first time she’d laid it all out on the table? It seemed to be. Pink had returned to Kikyo’s cheeks, and her sclera were bloodshot. No tears had to be fought off, though. Alternatively, Kagome observed that the minimal light remaining in the opposite woman’s irises was fading.

“I hurt Kaede. I made it seem like it was one of the demons attacking. I took her eye. Held it in my own hands. Then, created something that looked like a demon to eat me - which actually carried me away from the village. I cut my arm deep, intentionally left behind a pool of blood for Kaede to see, and I’m sure she watched the whole, conjured thing. I remember our final glances, the way she clutched her right eye socket, the incredible amount of blood all over her sweet face. She watched me die, and when I was far enough away, I screamed for Naraku. I screamed, and I screamed, because I knew that bastard was listening. When he appeared, I presented my sister’s eye while I cried. I vowed to kill him, and he laughed before disappearing.”

Inuyasha was rigid, nearly shaking. He felt horribly hot all over, his nails biting into the flesh of his palms. For the sake of his willpower, he’d turned his attention away from Kikyo, clenching and unclenching his jaw, inhaling and exhaling searing breaths from his nostrils. Kaede had no idea the truth behind her own assault. She didn’t know it had anything to do with her own sister, Naraku, that her eye was taken as a result of which, that she was harmed as a result of which, and that Kikyo was still very much alive. Without a doubt, Inuyasha knew Kaede would forgive Kikyo, but Inuyasha found himself angry on her behalf. When she’d recounted the incident to him, he could see just how heartbroken Kaede still was over it all. The ferocious woman was reduced to false smiles, a belly full of liquor, and an eye that wouldn’t meet his anymore. She was no older than fifteen at the time.

He recognized that a lot of things were out of Kikyo’s control. He understood that Naraku was the true cause of everything that had occurred, that Kikyo acted on a whim with good intentions, and that she was doing what she felt she needed to do so they both survived. None of that took away from his unmitigated resentment, though. That was his friend. That was one of his first friends, in fact. That was someone who stuck her neck out for people without needing convincing. Inuyasha couldn’t help that he was furious for her, couldn’t help that he wanted to yell at Kikyo for hurting her own sister despite the fact that she did it to save her life, and couldn’t help his natural instinct to want to protect and defend. Kaede was a good fucking person, and it wasn’t right that he now knew more about the most traumatic event she’d ever endured than she did. And, he was willing to bet Kikyo was going to insist they kept their mouths shut.

Everything he felt was vile and conflicting, and while he knew the rationality behind it all, it was extremely difficult to remain rational on his part. He knew it would be wrong to act, but it was so hard not to. Kagome must have sensed it. Kagome always seemed to pick up on his shifts lately. She’d leaned a little closer to his side; it was so inconspicuous, even he hadn’t caught her adjustment. The back of her hand lightly grazed his thigh, as if they were walking so close they’d accidentally brushed, and she kept it there. Ever so slightly, she moved it back and forth in a tender, rubbing motion, bringing him back to her in such a subtle manner that wouldn’t put any obvious attention on him. Even as she picked up the conversation and spoke to Kikyo, she kept the light touch going, gradually grounding Inuyasha until he gathered his control again.

“Okay, that explains that.” Kagome said, breathing as evenly as possible. “So -“

“So,” Kikyo resumed, pinching her lips together and finally meeting the opposite conjurer’s gaze again. “I’ve spent the last nine years or so trying to stop Naraku. I have trained tirelessly, studied ancient texts I struggle to understand, stared at pages in foreign and dead languages hoping the context of conjurers, priestesses, witches, mages, and whatever the hell else we’ve been referred to as over the centuries would suddenly make sense and help me master my skills, but I’m still not strong enough to do it. I cannot kill Naraku. I had the opportunity multiple times before he became who he is today, and I couldn’t release my arrow.”

“You still love him.” Kagome commented quietly.

“No. I hate him.”

“But, you used to.” Inuyasha joined, his tone almost lethal. He was outraged now. Was she implying that she couldn’t kill Naraku because she used to have that connection with him, so that was why she’d recruited Kagome? To do her dirty work for her? He’d better be wrong. Kikyo had better tell him otherwise and she’d better do it fast or else he was about to lose his goddamn shit.

“Yes, I used to. And, it does hold me back. I can’t do it.” Kikyo admitted. “As well as I know how evil Naraku is, I still remember the kind person he’d fooled me into thinking he was. It’s like a blockade. It won’t budge. My heart wont let me. It’s useless and it was going to lead to the destruction of so many if I didn’t find a solution. I can see the wrath in your eyes, Inuyasha. I did not choose Kagome haphazardly.”

“Then, why?” He pressed, not easing his glare.

“Do you truly think I would spin a wheel and thrust my fate onto the random name my dart landed on, Inuyasha?”

“I don’t know you. I don’t know what to think. That’s why I’m giving you the chance to explain. Take it. Quickly.”

“Inuyasha.” Kagome whispered, but he reached down, grabbing her hand from his thigh and giving her a small tug to slightly shield her behind his frame. He couldn’t prevent it. He couldn’t silence his need to protect her right now.

“Think about it.” Kikyo argued. “It’s not like there’s documentation on every conjurer in existence. I didn’t raid confidential records and select Kagome arbitrarily. There’s no such thing. Otherwise, do you really think Naraku would bother having those mindless demons searching towns and interrogating innocent families looking for any conjurers, young or old? That would be absolutely pointless, and Naraku is not an idiot. He’s maniacal, but he is the furthest thing from an imbecile. I didn’t just happen upon Kagome, I was told about her. A long time ago, there was a conjurer - no,” She shook her head in swift correction. “A priestess. She was a priestess. Midoriko. She was formidable, and a master of her skill.”

“I’ve heard of her.” Kagome clutched Inuyasha’s hand in minor excitement. She hadn’t expected things to come around this way, but finally she didn’t feel completely clueless. “Papa mentioned her. He was a well-traveled man, and I don’t exactly know how he’d gotten his information, but after he’d first brought her up, Miroku - my cousin - and I snuck into a library and found a few things on her. She was extremely powerful, but died at the hands of demons, right?”

“Right.” Kikyo nodded. “Kagome, do you believe in reincarnation?”

“Uh oh.” She murmured, expression faltering. She hadn’t meant to react as such, but Kagome had a huge feeling she was about to have a heavy reality suggested upon her. “I’ll be honest, I haven’t put much thought into it.”

“Well, I believe we are her reincarnated soul.”

“What!? Are you shitting me!?” Inuyasha barked incredulously, only grasping Kagome tighter in result.

Kikyo released a frustrated groan, pinching the bridge of her nose for a moment before continuing. “I know it sounds unfathomable, but so is a human-turned-demon, okay?”

“Half demon.” Inuyasha corrected bluntly, feeling disgusted by the thought of that lunatic receiving credit as a pure breed. Even if it was seen as a jab toward his being, at least he knew he, himself, was organic.

“Not the point.” Kikyo stated. “Much like I began communicating with Kagome in her dream state, I too was contacted. By Midoriko.”

“But, she’s dead.” Kagome said, confused. “And, you said you couldn’t be contacted that way. I specifically asked you.”

“You asked me -“

“If I could do it to you, yes. But, you responded by saying you were too guarded so it wouldn’t work.”

“I just didn’t want you to try, Kagome. For the deceased, it’s nothing but a visit. For the living, it’s dark magic. You’re playing with fire.”

“You’re a fucking conjurer! What are you talking about!?” Inuyasha asked. Already on edge, at this point it was like he was just being prodded to react.

“Trained by Tsubaki! Have you not been listening!?” Kikyo fired. “I have a history with dark conjurings. It was brief, but it was shoved down my throat. I utilized them to fool my sister and Naraku, and now I’m utilizing them for the best possible reason I can think of. Midoriko told me to find you, Kagome. She specifically told me you were vital to the success of bringing the end of Naraku. She told me your name, she told me I already knew how to find you, she told me you and I are connected, and I haven’t seen her since. The dream was too particular to believe it was nothing more than a fabrication of my brain. She gave me your name. She spoke directly to me. At that point in time, I was at wits’ end. I was willing to try anything. So, I did. And, it wasn’t easy. Subconscious communication was never taught to me, but I had remembered reading about it in one of Tsubaki’s texts. It took months to get down since I had to go by nothing but trial and error, and even longer to find you. You do not know how difficult it is to mentally link with someone you have never met in person and have only heard of on one circumstance. I had to write your name down and carry it with me so I wouldn’t chance forgetting it.

“Midoriko did not state that we were her reincarnations, but in order to locate you and communicate, I had to first figure out how we were connected. I’d initially assumed it was by distant relation, but it wasn’t until I searched deeper that I finally got somewhere. We’re tethered at the soul. To me, it would only make sense that we must share one. That was why Midoriko came to me. She appeared because I was in need, and I was desperately trying to win a battle against evil - much like she was in her time. My soul called out to her. And, once I discovered it was your soul I was touching, it all made sense. Doesn’t it to you?”

“Not at all.” Kagome slowly shook her head. “I’ve gotta admit, this is a lot to chew. I’m a bit winded right now, Kikyo.”

“Try to keep up.”

“Believe me, I am. You’re kind of info-dumping on me, though.”

“Look, I’d considered giving you everything little-by-little, but I don’t think we have that sort of time on our side. Naraku’s only getting stronger, and sooner or later, he’s going to know about you. So long as I’m alive, his focus is on me. He has a nasty tendency to obsess, and I currently have his undivided attention. I want it to stay that way. But, you’re getting stronger, too. You’re improving at a rate I had never expected, so I can hear the clock ticking.”

“Is that bad?”

“Yes and no. You’re doing better than I had thought you would. You’re doing exactly as I asked of you. It’s attention-grabbing, though. That’s sort of inevitable; don’t think you’re doing wrong. I’m just concerned, so I decided it would be best to tell you everything at once. You deserve to understand it all; and I recognize I should have tried to trickle all this information in with each telepathic visit I made to you. It was just - it was hard. When I first connected, I didn’t understand that I had. It was sort of like an ember struggling to catch flame. You know how it’ll flicker in and out? That was my connection with you at first. Finally, when I managed to step through, I barely had enough time to say, ‘The responsibility is ours.’ For the longest time, that’s all I was ever able to get out to you. It was frustrating.”

“You mean, that wasn’t intentional?” Kagome arched a brow, frowning.

“No, of course not.”

“Why is that the first thing you’d say to her, anyway?” Inuyasha asked quizzically, unintentionally and unknowingly matching Kagome’s expression. “Have you ever tried, ‘hello’?”

“I was invading her mind, Inuyasha. If the only thing I was able to say was, ‘hello’, even I would feel creeped out.” Kikyo replied.

“Alright, but alternatively speaking, if you had enough time to say, ‘the responsibility is ours’, then you had enough time to say, ‘hey, my name’s Kikyo.’”

“Pleasantries aren’t my strong suit. I prefer to get straight to the point.”

Both Inuyasha and Kagome went silent, pursing their lips, still unconsciously wearing matching expressions.

Kikyo grimaced, reading the signal on their faces. “I am aware that I didn’t. It wasn’t exactly my fault, though.”

“No, you’re right. It makes better sense now.”

“I soon realized it was our physical distance that was making communication troubling. While I had discovered the method to slip into your mind, it wasn’t something I could become proficient at so quickly. I had to use the strength of our connection as a guide, and the closer I got to you, the stronger it all became.”

“Right. You began giving me bits and pieces of Naraku. Everything was mysteriously vague, but I understand why now.”

“I just didn’t know how much was too much. I was being overly cautious for the both of us.”

There was a reprieve of silence between the three of them for a moment. It was noticeably thick, uncomfortable. Kagome was missing a huge chunk of information that was going to nag at her brain unless she received something to go off of. “So,” She began. “Midoriko… What makes you so sure?”

“Nothing. I’m not one-hundred percent positive we are actually her reincarnated soul. I can see how it’d be farfetched, and Inuyasha’s expression is practically screaming so.” Kikyo responded.

“Well, I’ve heard of reincarnation, but I’ve never heard of a split soul.” He said, shrugging carelessly as if he didn’t care how offensive his scowl appeared.

“I have. It’s rare, but it can happen. Particularly to a wise or powerful soul. One who’s traveled through a number of vessels and is too strong to be properly contained in a single one anymore.” Kikyo stated. “Midoriko had a defined strength that wasn’t all self-taught. She was a priestess born with experience. Her soul was intended to be a savior, because it was derived from countless, brave spirits before her.”

“And, she told you this?” Inuyasha asked, cocking a brow in skepticism.

“Of course, not.” Kikyo had almost rolled her eyes. “I wish she had so that I had definitive reason, but instead I have to go off of intuition. If it is true, if my soul came from Midoriko, then this unwavering belief isn’t incorrect. This connection I feel to her makes sense. Kagome, do you feel it too?”

“Well, I’m not sure.” She half frowned. “When papa mentioned Midoriko, I felt an undeniable interest toward her, that’s for sure. I just figured it was because she was a lot like me, and I’d never met another conjurer. At the time, I was probably ten or eleven, so I couldn’t help but want to know more about her. You know, curiosity of a kid and all. It was probably the only reason Miroku entertained the idea to seek out more information, and we snuck out of our house, borrowed my friend’s demon cat to take us, and broke into a library in another town. We really didn’t find too much on her, either. It was pretty anticlimactic, to be honest. I remember being extremely disappointed that I didn’t find a well-written biography on her like you would basic philosophers, but knowing the stigma on our kind in modern days, it sort of made sense. But, ever since, Midoriko has rarely crossed my mind.”

“Kagome, I’m the same. The difference is, when I discovered I was a conjurer, it wasn’t so detrimental to keep to ourselves. I did as much research as I could, while I could, and found little mentions of her, along with a few other names I can’t remember to this day. Midoriko stood out to me just the same, but I thought of her few times between then and the time she’d come to me. It was in that moment that I felt a deep connection to her. Maybe -“ Kikyo’s brows furrowed as an idea crossed her mind. “Maybe it was because she’d touched me, in a sense. I felt engulfed by her warm spirit. Please, may I try something?”

Kagome watched Kikyo take a few steps forward. She felt no reason to deny her request so she slipped her hand from Inuyasha’s feeble grip, slowly freeing one finger at a time as she walked forward. Kikyo raised her hand before her and Kagome apprehensively pressed her palm flat against hers. Awkward, quiet moments passed, and it was nothing short of uneventful. While Kagome was initially nervous to see what would happen, everything just sort of fell short. She had even noticed Kikyo’s nose sort of wrinkle disappointedly.

“I’ve got nothing.” Kagome mentioned, pursing her lips.

“Me too. I wonder why she told me to find you, then. What could possibly be the reason for our connection?” Kikyo said, almost troubled. It was perplexing, and she absolutely hated unsolved mysteries. “Unless, it isn’t as simple as merely touching to confirm or deny.”

“I’m not sure. Maybe we aren’t meant to know.”

“That is what I fear.” The older conjurer sighed, adjusting her palm to face upward and hold Kagome’s in a minor gesture of appreciation. While she was avidly discomfited by her inconclusive hypothesis, she’d still managed to explain every crucial detail she’d been withholding from Kagome. Their meeting was coming to an end. There was nothing more to say but goodbye. Respectfully, Kikyo placed her other hand over the top of Kagome’s, enclosing it in her warmth.

Kagome smiled. She was afraid with how pale Kikyo appeared that her blood ran cold and tired. It was pleasant and reassuring to know she was wrong. Returning the kindness, she gently placed her palm on top of Kikyo’s, both of their hands now touching.

Kagome’s heart jolted. Her abdomen tensed. All external sounds were muted. And, the world immediately went dark.

Kikyo was holding her hands tighter than even she was, nearly trembling as at least a dozen women, mass amounts of demons, blazing fire, and a powerful, swirling aura of lavender appeared around them while they stood in the middle of a pitch black orb. It was like an overwhelming sequence of events were playing without pause, thrusting into their minds so quickly that if you blinked, you’d risk missing something important. It was hard to determine relevance, though. Who were these women? Kagome had never seen a single one in her life. They all fought valiantly, each of them with their own unique weapon to fend off their enemies. So desperately, Kagome wanted to ask Kikyo if she was okay, ask her if she knew what was going on, but the two of them were struck stiff, mouths hanging agape.

The demons were wild, frenzied, and furious, slithering in the dark sky, some even flying through Kagome and Kikyo as if they were transparent. The lavender aura forcefully collided with the bleak grounds like storming tidal waves, crashing, receding, rising, and flooding. Sequentially, the women fought from left to right. Each one killed their significant foe, but was brought down by them, as well. Their final move was to look to the next woman, as if passing their duties along. Always, the next woman seemed more determined, more powerful, but no matter the strength in their resolve, their enemies always succeeded in dragging them down with them.

It was by the third that Kagome realized they were conjurers. The purple cascading around she and Kikyo was the same energy she could see when she saturated her arrows with her power. This was a history of legends they were witnessing, each one stronger than the last but still brought to their knees in a puddle of blood. By the last, she faced an enemy with no fear written in her eyes. She wore a stoic expression, armor decorating her torso, a sword on her hip, a bow and arrow in her hands, redefining the meaning of what it was to be a female warrior. Her battle was gruesome, hard to watch but harder to look away from. In the end, she killed her enemy, but bled from a deep wound in her chest.

Her dark eyes turned to she and Kikyo, and in a way to communicate, Kikyo squeezed Kagome’s hands twice, her gaze widening. It was as if she knew who that was. She seemed simultaneously in awe and stunned, and the gasp she’d inadvertently reacted with was clutched captive in her inflated chest. Kagome watched the woman, the final conjurer, limp toward them, blood oozing from her rustic armor, dripping down her leather pants and along the floor. She raised her trembling hands, curling her fingers in a motion that would typically usher them forward, but instead of the two girls moving, their naked spirits stepped from their bodies.

No longer could Kagome breathe. She wasn’t even sure if she was blinking anymore. Before her, she was looking at her raw self. It was a vaporous version, glowing vibrantly white with wispy hues of red swirling about. Her spirit looked back at her with a bright, confident smile, then spun back around to the legendary woman. Kikyo’s spirit was different. It stood tall and bold, much like her current demeanor, but a kind, small smile pushed at her lips when she regarded her own vessel for a moment longer. Kagome could see the tears brimming in the real Kikyo’s eyes, she could physically feel that though the gesture so small, it was revealing a true sweetness Kikyo hadn’t felt within herself in far too long, repressed beneath rubble of heartache and resentment. It was radiant white with smokey clouds of blue tufting about, her long, translucent hair billowing around her like their spirts were held under a body of water.

The dying conjurer, shaking horribly, smiled so sincerely as her last, living act, and as her body fell backwards to the ground, her own spirit stepped out. It was pure white, so saturated it was nearly solid, with flecks of every aura color swiftly whirling around her untouchable body. She extended both hands out to each woman, patient, compassionate, and understanding of the hesitation even their spirits harbored. At the same time, Kagome’s and Kikyo’s vaporous selves reached forward and took the woman’s hands, and in the next second, she split into uneven portions and merged with their bodies, shooting their spirits back within their vessels to return to consciousness.

Kagome blinked her dry eyes, refocusing them as she tried to regain her bearings. Her sights were on their still-grasped hands, and beneath that was the forest floor, twigs and pinecones, dirt and weeds, their legs, their boots. She could hear the breeze, the rustling leaves of the treetops above them, an urgent Inuyasha calling her name. With an exhale, she looked up into Kikyo’s eyes, the both of them holding the same, baffled expression.

As soon as they’d fully registered what they’d just experienced, both women yanked their hands away from each other, hurriedly stumbling back and away from the other to prevent another potential, terrifying vision. Kagome collided with Inuyasha’s chest and his arms instantly grabbed her waist, steadying her as he spoke anxiously.

“Are you okay? What happened, kid?”

She couldn’t answer immediately. Not even Kikyo tried to speak. The both of them looked insanely bewildered, eyes directed right at each other. Inuyasha had tried to pull Kagome away, had tried to reach her, but the opposite conjurer’s creepy, flying snake got in the way and refused to let him near. As much as he wanted to kill the damn thing for stopping him from getting close to Kagome, he figured so long as she was standing, breathing, and generally okay, he’d wait out whatever the fuck was happening.

“Hey - uh - Kikyo?” Kagome finally spoke, albeit waveringly.

“Yeah?” Her tone nearly matched.

“What the fuck was that?”

“I don’t know. I hadn’t anticipated it.”

“Was that -“

“Yeah. That was Midoriko.”

Her jaw dropped just a little further, her brow crinkling, perplexed. “Oh. Okay. Alright.” She replied shakily.

“That wasn’t…” Things were progressively processing for Kikyo, her eyebrows pinching together to create lines in between. Caramel eyes shifted to the side, her teeth gnawing at her bottom lip momentarily. “That wasn’t an even division.”

“No, it wasn’t.” Kagome commented lightly.

“No wonder…” Kikyo breathed. “No wonder. It makes so much sense now. I don’t just lack the heart, but I’ve always lacked the true power. I’ve been giving it my all for so long, and while I’ve made a dent, that’s all I’ve managed. I get it now. I’m truly not strong enough in more ways than one.”

“Wait, I’m confused.” Kagome said.

“So am I.” Inuyasha joined, still holding his companion’s sides while finding it necessary to remind them that he was there. He still had no idea what had just occurred and no one had given a single context clue to inform him of a goddamn thing yet. Kagome turned her head to regard him slightly, but he could tell by her unsteady glance that she couldn’t give him an immediate recap. Not yet.

“You mean to tell me, you didn’t know?”

“Know what? That it wasn’t a fifty-fifty division?”

“Yeah.”

“No. I had no way to confirm that up until now.”

“But, you’d said you were the distraction while I was the weapon. You’d said I was meant to be stronger than you. With what we just saw, I’d assumed that’s what you were referring to.”

“Kagome, I said that simply because I could not do it. To me, that’s what it felt like. I do not have it in me to kill Naraku, and Midoriko told me you were vital to the mission. My assumption was what I’d told you. I keep his attention until you’re ready, I do everything I can to weaken him, and then you’ll complete the task.”

“I’m going to assume you guys got some sort of answer pertaining to being Midoriko’s reincarnations. So, if Kikyo was right and it’s the both of you, what the hell do you mean it isn’t fifty-fifty?” Inuyasha asked, stepping to stand at Kagome’s side as soon as she seemed stable.

“It’s more like seventy-thirty.” Kikyo stated.

“And, who got what?”

“I think you already know the answer to that.” She replied.

“But, what do you mean it makes sense to you? I don’t understand. Aren’t you extremely powerful? You’re able to pull off dark conjurings without your heart being tainted; I don’t feel any darkness coming from you.” Kagome said, sounding sort of flustered and rushed to comprehend Kikyo’s position. “You’ve gotta be stronger than you’re giving yourself credit for. Just because you lack the moral justifications to kill your ex-lover doesn’t make you weak! It makes you passionate!”

“No, Kagome. What I’m saying is, I’m not as strong as I thought I was supposed to be. I kept pushing myself to my limits time and time again but all it felt like I was doing was hurting myself. I thought if I had at least fifty percent of Midoriko’s soul in me on top of my own, then that was more than enough to take down Naraku, but my heart was never there. So, then I considered that maybe it was because I didn’t receive Midoriko’s resoluteness. Maybe it was because I was her brain and you were her heart, so together we would be unstoppable.

“It’s been so long, Kagome. I’ve been giving more of me to this mission than my body can handle. I’ve been sick for years. My shinidamachu keeps me alive with the souls of deceased women, but I can feel the thread I’m hanging on by. I am convinced that if I had not figured out how to call this spirit of the underworld to me, I would have died long ago. I am not using dark magic correctly, and it’s further taking from my light. You may not feel the darkness coming from me, and I believe that’s because that part of Midoriko mutes it, but I certainly do. It’s minimal, but with what’s left of me, it’s substantial. It’s like a congested battle raging within my chest. Do you understand now? Do you get it?” Kikyo, though tearing up sorrowfully, smiled in such a manner of relief. How long had she spent admonishing herself? How long had she cursed herself for thinking she had more in her than she could spare? How many times had she vomited the contents of her stomach out, been reduced to fevers, aches, and profuse sweating? Her expectations on herself weren’t just high because she felt that piece of Midoriko inside of her, but also because she felt the crushing weight of guilt for being partially responsible for Naraku. And, by using dark magic to call to Kagome, to save the life of her sister, to try and stay alive herself, she was unconsciously hastening the pace of her own demise.

Everything clicked. Everything was lining up now. Kagome was key because Kagome not only had the majority of Midoriko’s power, but her own soul, her compassion, her heart was not impaled by darkness. Even with the pain she’s experienced, the trauma that still eats away at her, that reappears whenever a trigger she can rarely identify beforehand causes her to quake, even with the loss, the apathy, the cold moments at night when she questioned if she even believed in a higher power anymore, Kagome avidly held tight to who she truly was. At the end of the day, there was no sense in trying to control what had happened, there was no use in attempting to reverse what had already come to fruition. While it has, in fact, fazed her, it hasn’t changed her negatively. It’s taken so much effort, so much resilience to resist the pull to let it take her, and sometimes smiling took more endeavor than she felt flowing through her veins, but she still stood up. It didn’t matter if Kagome was sobbing, was crashing and burning, was quivering and exhausted. She would cry while she maneuvered her legs beneath her body and pushed herself to stand. The darkness has touched her heart, yes. Whose heart hasn’t it touched in this day and age? What was important was that she fought it back. She physically pushed the darkness away like it was men impeding on her territory. She cried to release that anger and resentment, she yelled to release that heat and vexation, and she never gave up. Never did she leave the battlefield unscathed, but the scar tissue that had formed was what helped her become who she is right here and now. Because, her hardened heart was like a shell that protected the light within.

How could Kikyo not crumble under the pressure she’d been under? How could her eyes ever glimmer with hope when she’d had to willingly forfeit the one person she loved unconditionally all due to a person she’d mistakenly given too much of her heart to? He’d tricked her into trusting him, into caring for him, and repaid her with violence, grief, and taunting laughter. As if inflicting pain on her was an easy task. Even Kagome would be broken if someone she trusted her heart with treated it as an invaluable object, dropping it to the floor and stepping all over it with heavy boots. It was betrayal at its finest.

She was seventeen when they’d met. He’d groomed her. He’d gotten lucky with his pick of young, vulnerable women and groomed her to his liking, but when she finally resisted, he turned on her like she meant nothing. Kagome couldn’t blame Kikyo, and although she persisted, although she squared her shoulders and fought tooth and nail, Kagome understood why her brown eyes were dull and lifeless, and her skin was ghostly white.

Feeling like she was supposed to be capable of so much more, Kikyo had learned to feel unwell about herself. If Kagome were in her position, she couldn’t imagine being comfortable in her own skin. Just recently, she’d struggled with that exact thing, but it wasn’t nearly on the same level as Kikyo’s anguish. It was horrible imagining the burdens sitting on her shoulders, like cinderblocks pulling them down while she pleaded with herself to shrug it off and stand up straight. Kagome wondered if even she’d be able to overcome all that Kikyo had been through.

Everyone’s story was different. Everyone’s strengths and weaknesses were unique. It didn’t make you bigger or smaller than the person to your left. Everyone handled things their own way, and everyone had their breaking point. But, Kikyo’s smile right now was both the saddest and most joyful thing Kagome had ever witnessed from her. It was like some of that weight was finally lifting, some of those insults she’d thrown at herself were finally dissipating, some of the pressure was releasing and all it took was a little bit of clarity.

“It’s conflicting, you know?” Kikyo breathed. “I still have a long way to go. I still have to fight, and I still have to face Naraku. But, it’s liberating to see that my limitations cannot exceed what they are. I don’t have to push myself for the impossible anymore. I cannot rest, but at the same time, it feels like I already am.”

She wouldn’t have to be so forceful on herself from this point forward. Kikyo was giving this fight her all, and she could be at peace with what she had to give now. It was enough. It was more than enough.

“Naraku…” Kagome started. “When was the last time you saw him, Kikyo?”

The conjurer inhaled and exhaled slowly, sucking in her bottom lip as she pondered. “Maybe a couple of years ago. I’ve face his puppets, and some of his personal creations, but him in the flesh? It’s been a while.”

“You haven’t seen him?”

“He wont face me, himself.”

“Maybe because he can’t.” Inuyasha said. “I’m not trying to level with him, and I want to preface this with the fact that I still think he’s a fucking creep, but maybe this is a sign that, much like you, it’s difficult to be the hand that strikes.”

“That is not comforting.” Kikyo admitted, caramel eyes shying downward. “I do not want to think about him loving me. It’s disgusting.”

“That’s fine. Don’t. That doesn’t change the reality of it all. This tells me that you might be his weakness.”

“I am only his weakness because I am a conjurer.”

It wasn’t right to argue with Kikyo right now. It was clearly distressing for her to consider the plausibility of the situation, so Inuyasha shut his mouth, glancing down at Kagome as she regarded him just the same. He could see it in her eyes, too. She felt similarly. Even without knowing Naraku’s recent side of things, she was contemplating the potentiality of what Inuyasha had claimed.

“If you don’t mind, would you keep Kaede out of this?” Kikyo asked, and although she hadn’t looked up, it was clear that she was more talking to Inuyasha.

“Kikyo, I don’t know if I can make that promise.” He stated honestly. He wasn’t harsh, he wasn’t defensive, he was simply replying with honorable intentions.

“Please?” She nearly faltered, clutching her fists at her side as she bowed her head from view.

“I understand why you did it initially, but Kaede isn’t a child anymore. She should have the right to her own freewill, and that includes choosing to know the truth of what happened. I don’t believe she needs sheltering, and she’ll be the first to tell you that.”

“I don’t want her involved.”

“She already is. She was the moment your home was attacked, and the moment you took her eye.”

“But -“

“I get it, Kikyo. I do. I’m not trying to be thoughtless. But, one thing I need you to remember is I’m not on your side. We have nothing more than a mutual understanding and a mutual interest, but you and I are indifferent toward each other. Am I wrong?”

“No, but that’s my sister. That’s my baby sister, Inuyasha.” She declared powerfully, shooting her bleary gaze up at him. “I reserve the right to decide what’s best for her, because no one would know better than I.”

Inuyasha gave a simple shake of his head, and still his expression held no malice. “You gave up that right. You gave up that right the moment you faked your death and left her alone. I know that stings, and I’m really not intending to come off carelessly, but that’s the truth. The version of Kaede in your mind is still that fifteen year old girl, isn’t it? The young teenager she was just before Naraku attacked, right? Well, she’s actually in her mid twenties now. Kaede is an adult, so even if you hadn’t left, that right would still belong solely to her. I’m going to bring it up, Kikyo. I’m going to give Kaede the choice of knowing what actually happened so long ago.”

“Kagome.” She urgently tried, reaching for the opposite conjurer to convince the hanyou otherwise. Kagome’s sights had shied to the ground, hugging her arm inward as she allowed them to talk one-to-one, but she glanced upward now, a small frown marring her features. Kikyo could see it immediately. She could read the look as well as if the expression were written in text, and her chin quivered in response. “Kagome, please.”

“I’m sorry.” Kagome spoke softly, kindly. “Even if I did agree with you, Inuyasha’s right. Kaede deserves to know. She doesn’t need protection, she would be upset if we treated her that way, and truthfully, it would be inappropriate to sit on information like this. The way I see it is, out of the three of us, Inuyasha’s the closest to her -”

“That’s not true.” Kikyo interjected.

“She doesn’t know you’re alive, Kikyo. She will always love you, and you will always love her, but it is true. At this point, you have no connection to her outside of your bloodline. Inuyasha is her friend, and they trust each other. He isn’t bringing it up to disrespect you. He’s bringing it up out of respect for her.”

“You really wont budge?” Kikyo asked, and it was inconclusive as to who that question was directed to. Just in case, both Kagome and Inuyasha shook their heads in reply. “Then, will you please pass along a message? Tell her I don’t want her looking for me. Tell her I will come to her when all is done. Tell her I’m sorry.”

“I can do that.” Inuyasha agreed.

Kikyo could only manage to regard them both with small glances after that. Justifiably, she was upset, but she appeared too physically drained to outwardly react as such.

“Take care of yourself.” She quietly said to Kagome before turning around on her heel and heading off through the trees, her soul collector swirling in the air just behind her.

“You too.” Kagome whispered.

The breeze was the only sound passing around them now, filling the silence as Inuyasha and Kagome were once more alone with one another. It had been moments since Kikyo walked away, and it was sort of like they couldn’t just go back to the way things were before she’d appeared. There was too much to sort through, too many emotions had emerged in that time, and now they were left standing in dense waters.

With a synchronous and guttural sigh from the both of them, Kagome and Inuyasha made their ways down to their butts. They didn’t bother with finding a rock or log to sit on, didn’t bother finding a different location, because moving further right now was simply impossible. So, they made themselves comfortable and promptly sat where they once stood, closing their eyes in defeat as they mulled over the series of events.

“That was exhausting.” Kagome half-whined, crossing her legs and burying her face in her hands.

“Oh, she’s -“ Inuyasha rubbed his forehead, pushing the hair from his face briefly. “She’s a piece of work.”

The two looked at each other. Their tired, concerned expressions shifting to defeated smiles as they sort of just started laughing.

“So, what do you want to do?” She asked, leaning back on her hands. “You want to head back to Kaede’s? We’re not all that far.”

“I’m not sure yet. I can’t make that split-second decision considering the circumstances. Let me think on it for a moment.” He wagered. “In the meantime…”

Though there was no end to that sentence, Kagome could easily grasp what he was looking for. He wanted an explanation. She had to commend him for his patience. On his end, how did everything look? Did she just stand there motionless, or did it seem like something was wrong? If she were in his position, it would have driven her insane not knowing what was going on and then, thereafter, having to wait for any sort of detail to piece it all together.

“I saw Midoriko.” She started. “Actually, I saw all the successors before her, too. At least, that’s what I’m guessing. None of them spoke directly to us. It was more like we were watching the endings of each of their lives, how they fought, how they died, who was responsible, and then their spirit joined with the next person. There was about twelve, and they all died in battle. By the time Midoriko died, her soul was nearly solid. I saw my soul, too. It was - it was weird.”

“I can imagine.” His brows had furrowed, turning his body to fully face hers now. “You guys came out of that looking like you’d seen a ghost, so I guess that makes sense.”

“It was crazy, Inuyasha.” She exclaimed. “Demons were everywhere, it was so dark, and it was like an all out war that we were standing in the middle of. Midoriko pulled our souls from our bodies and joined them, and that’s when we came back.”

“So, seventy-thirty?”

“Yeah.” Her voice dropped. “Something like that.”

“Still shocked you can blow an entire field away now?”

“Honestly, yeah. Everything’s just so surreal right now, it’s hard to think this isn’t made up.” Kagome’s eyes fell to his legs, following the sewn pattern on the hem of his pants to distract herself. “I’m the reincarnation of someone. It doesn’t feel right to say that. Suddenly, it’s like it’s not just me in here. I watched her merge a huge portion of her soul with mine, so that tells me she’s just part of me, but thinking about it feels weird. It’s hard to explain. I just don’t know what to think or how to feel right now.”

“What, are you having an identity crisis? Kid, it doesn’t matter if you’re the reincarnation of someone. You didn’t inherit their personality traits or their thinking patterns. I’m willing to bet you didn’t even inherit their looks, because if that were true, you and Kikyo would look more similar. As far as I saw, the only thing you two had in common was hair color, and even that wasn’t an exact match. What you inherited was strength, and it’s not even a birth right. It’s more like grand potential. You still have to work your ass off to get it, but the chance is there. Your decisions, your actions, your morals, that’s all you. Your tastes, your style, your brain, your heart, that’s you too. Overall, you’re Kagome. You’ve always been Kagome, and you always will be. Now, you just have a bit more to back up your resolve. You know that your individual strength will be supported by a… generator of sorts.” Inuyasha chuckled.

He’d managed to get her to crack a smile. Kagome couldn’t tell if he was bullshitting her to make her feel better, or if he truly believed what he said. He was incredibly honest, though, so she couldn’t help but want to take his word for it and find comfort in it all. Either way, she appreciated his quick wit.

There was still something pulling on her heart. It wasn’t about Midoriko, it wasn’t the fact that she’d just witnessed the reenactment of twelve gory deaths, it was about Kikyo. She was pale with such deep under eye circles because she’d been killing herself. She’d believed for so long that she was supposed to be stronger, and for years she stretched her boundaries thin and her resources dry. All to the point where she had to rely on lost souls of dead women to keep some sort of force in her body. And, still, her battle raged on. Everything she’d said after the revelation was so depressing but seeped from her mouth as if it were relieving, and Kagome had a hard time understanding the solace behind it all.

“Kikyo,” She whispered. “Do you think she’s going to be okay?”

“I’m not worried about her.” He replied, his voice low and soothing.

“But, you heard her. She was sick.”

“Because she didn’t know her limits. Now she does.” Inuyasha leaned forward a bit. He didn’t like the sadness on Kagome’s face, and while he praised her empathy, he wanted to fight it off at the same time. It wasn’t allowed to make her head hang low, it wasn’t allowed to drain her as if the other conjurer’s ailments were her own. “Just like you have to learn your restrictions and understand how to properly use your powers, so does she. Now, she has insight she didn’t have before. Now, she knows that if she doesn’t back off, she’ll get too sick to keep going. Kikyo was under the impression that she needed to work harder to reach her maximum potential, but it was counterintuitive because she was depleting her life source. Now, if she respects her body and her abilities properly, she’ll be able to get healthy again. Then, she’ll be the force to be reckoned with that she was reaching for.”

“The dark magic she’s been using… the effects of it wont go away just like that, though.”

“That’s something she’s going to have to deal with, kid. You win some, you lose some, but she knew what she was doing when she made that choice. She didn’t look like she was having a pity party, so don’t feel like you need to feel bad for her.”

“But, I do. All of this is - it’s becoming so much more real than it was before. I didn’t know it could, but it has. It’s scary.” She locked eyes with the hanyou. “I’m scared.”

Inuyasha couldn’t stop himself. Kagome didn’t look sad or hurt, she didn’t look small or timid, she didn’t even look defeated. She neither trembled nor cried. She just spoke her truth. She told him how she felt, and fear was always a deeper emotion that was hard for anyone to come forward with. Unless it was an involuntary scream given in reaction to a jump scare or a fall, fear was something so often pushed back and hidden behind scowls and broadened shoulders. And, he appreciated being trusted with it. So, he couldn’t stop himself from reaching forward. His fingers tenderly pushed longer strands of her dark hair behind her ear, repeating the motion soothingly while he slipped in soft touches to caress her cheek before gently, so gently, cradling her jaw.

“I know you are. But, you’re safe.” He said, his tone husky.

Kagome leaned into his touch, nodding and sighing out. Her shoulders relaxed some and her brown eyes closed momentarily while she relished in the peace he provided.

“You still know I don’t expect you to protect me, right?” She mentioned quietly, glancing up at his amber eyes. He hadn’t wavered. Inuyasha didn’t pull away, didn’t look away, his expression remaining soft but noble. His fingers curled around the back of her neck and he pulled her closer an inch, his soothing scent washing over her.

“Who said anything about feeling obligated?”

| previous chapter | <- -> | next chapter |

[shutteredislands]

REYLO MODERN AU FIC RECS

Hi!! I spent my entire winter break reading reylo fics and I feel like I’ve found some gems! I’m boring and don’t like angst, so most of these are pretty fluffy, however, always read the tags before reading. Anyways, happy reading!

Already Home -  College, Roommates, A/B/O, Soulmates AU - Complete - Rated E - 79k

“Oh stop being all Alpha-y.” She flexes her foot, rolling her ankle as if to prove a point, and he doesn’t miss the wince that crosses her expression. “You aren’t my Alpha, and you definitely aren't my soulmate,” she mutters.

He can’t help but let out a dry laugh. “Thank god for small mercies.”

Okay so this is a trope fest but it was so good! I’m not gonna explain the plot in depth because I think going in blind is best for this!

Baby, It's Just Biology - Professor/Student, A/B/O AU - Complete - Rated E - 113k

For Rey Jackson, trying to finish your degree in Biomedical Science at Harvard is difficult enough when you're one of the few Omegas on campus.

It's made even more difficult when your Professor is the one to trigger your heat. You can't help it, it's just your biology.

An Alpha Omega love story.

This is the perfect balance of angst, fluff and pure smut. This one Is a lot angstier than anything else on this list, but you can see every stage of this relationship and I loved it so much! Please read the tags on this one!

I’ve got you (under my skin) - Nanny/Single Parent AU - On Hiatus - Rated E - 81k

“Hi, I’m Rey. I’m here for the—”

“Nanny,” Ben blurts out dazedly, still trying to remember how to form coherent thoughts. “You’re the nanny.”

Her smile hitches up a little wider. “Well, I might be.”

Suddenly, Ben thinks he might be in for a whole new world of problems.

Because Rey Johnson is still most likely the only thing standing between him and disaster, that much hasn’t changed, not by a long shot.

And Ben can’t seem to stop staring at her mouth.

In which Ben hires Rey to watch his son... but he can’t seem to stop watching her.

Okay so I almost never read WIPs, but this one was left off in a pretty good place so don’t worry about cliffhangers or anything. I am a sucker for single dad!Ben so expect more of these. I loved this fic so much and get ready for a SMUTFEST.

Light My Fire - Rivals to Lovers, College, A/B/O AU - Complete - Rated E - 20k

When rivals Ben and Rey break into a professor's office together, it comes out that Rey might not be the Beta she thinks she is.

I’ve never been the biggest reader of enemies to lovers, until this. This was so so so good! I loved their banter so much, and this is another smutfest lol.

Peacock - Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, Neighbors AU - Complete - Rated E - 72k

Thanks to a series of misunderstandings, failed attempts at flirting, and loud Katy Perry music, Ben grows to hate his new neighbor.

Proposing to her wasn't the best solution to his problems.

This is, hands down, one of the funniest fics I have ever read. I cried actual tears because of how funny this is. Slowish burn, but their banter will keep you engaged the whole time. I love this so much!!

An Unexpected Vacation - Scientist, A/B/O AU - Complete - Rated E - 62k 

“You don’t care that someone, that people will watch you fuck?” He looks two seconds away from puking. “Like multiple, multiple people will be able to describe your vagina. They’ll probably analyze it in a boardroom. Someone will feel proud about a shitty PowerPoint full of annotated pictures. They will use words like ‘arousal fluid’ and consult charts and these things will never not be digitally saved. That doesn’t bother you?”

“Are you suggesting my vagina is unworthy of analysis?”

--

In which Rey attempts to bolster her bank account by volunteering to fuck an Alpha in a scientific study. Plans go pear-shaped when she accidentally triggers scientist!Ben’s first Rut.

This was a really funny smutfest and I loved that. I loved Rey and Ben so much, and Ben was the perfect “I hate everyone but you” boyfriend! I love this!

She Doesn’t Normally Bite - Single Parent/Teacher AU - WIP - Rated E - 37k

Ben Solo is a single dad to 6-year old Ellis. Her teacher isn't the old-cat lady that he expects and naturally, sparks fly when they meet. Rey helps show Ben that he is allowed to be happy and the romance is DELICIOUS. There will be the happy ending we all deserve.

Both Ben and Rey have a lot to navigate, and of course - things are never straight forward.

Tw: Bens wife died when their daughter was born - whilst it is mentioned periodically, it does not form a significant part of the story. There'll also be warnings in the notes for the particular chapters it'll be mentioned in.

THIS THE ONLY WIP I WILLL EVER READ REY AND BEN ARE SO FREAKING CUTE AND ELLIS IS SUCH A CUTE KID AHHHHHHH! That is all.

Down an Inch, Up an Inch - A/B/O, Soulmates, Gym Rats AU - Complete - Rated E - 60k

Omega instructor Rey has always been the master of her domain at Rebel Belle Barre and wouldn't dream of dating an Alpha.

When her new neighbors at Supremacy Bootcamp start ruining her classes with their terrible music, she storms over to give them a piece of her mind. She challenges the beefy ex-Marine owner Ben Solo to a plank-off and the loser has to take the other's class. When they spark an unusual connection, can Rey stay away for long?

Has she bitten off more than she can chew with the gentle giant Alpha with the warm, sad eyes?

SMUT FREAKING FESTTTTT. Okay but I loved these two so much, even though I am opposed to working out in any shape or form! I love the non-traditional soulmate part, and I really loved Rey in this. 

Tea for Two - Enemies to Lovers, University Setting AU - Complete - Rated E - 67k 

'"This is a tea house, you know." The plummy, ultra-posh voice startled Rey Kenobi from her day-dreaming, almost spilling the scalding hot coffee over her chest.'

Rey, an American former hacker, turned cyber security expert, has been commissioned by Oxford University to protect their systems from hackers. Unfortunately, she has to work closely with Professor Ben Solo, Merton Professor of English Literature who also happens to be Lord Ben Solo, member of the English peerage. And an unmitigated snob.

She drinks coffee. He drinks tea. He only reads classic literature. She reads Marvel comics. He is nobility. She is a nobody.

Things should go swimmingly, shouldn't it?

SO. MUCH. UNRESOLVED. SEXUAL. TENSION. I loved the slow burn aspect because I sat in bed because I was waiting for them to bone for so long. And after they bone its a smut and fluff-fest I loved this so much!

And They Were Roommates - Roommates, A/B/O AU - Complete - Rated E - 49k

“This isn’t going to work.” He points a finger between the two of them. “This arrangement.”

Her eyes narrow. “You didn’t put any specifications on who could apply.”

“Yeah…” He rubs the back of his neck then, the action making it look longer, making her wonder what it might feel like under her fingers. “You have to know that this isn’t a good idea.”

She knows what he means, she does—but she’s so tired of being brushed aside for her designation that she challenges him anyway. “And why not?”

His eyes bore into hers, his expression blank as he says, “Because I can tell how much scent-block you put on—and I can still smell you.”

In which Rey’s new roommate turns out to be a lot more than she bargained for.

EVEN. MORE. UNRESOLVED. SEXUAL. TENSION. Like these two would be eating cereal and I would be chanting, “bone! bone! bone!” the whole time. I loved these two, and the family aspect of this one was so good.

Imprints - A/B/O, Boss/Employee AU - Complete - Rated E - 74k

“I was happy you’ll be working with someone you know. He’ll take good care of you.”

Take good care of you.

The words send a shiver down her spine, sparking memories that flood her with embarrassment. She feels a strange itch just below her ear, her gland giving a phantom pulse as if her body remembers the incident even still.

Suddenly her triumph fades into dread, the idea of working here leaving a hollow pit in her stomach. Poe is still talking, but she doesn’t hear most of it. Her mind is firmly trapped in the vivid memories of six years ago— in a moment she wishes she could forget.

By the time she hangs up the phone— she isn’t sure anymore if she can do this.

Okay so this is pretty popular so I wont say too much, but it lives up to the hype. Smutfest, fluff and angst rolled into one beautiful fic! 

Bespoke - Enemies to Lovers, Boss/Employee (?) AU - Complete - Rated E - 38k 

When new stylist Rey Jackson receives a request to dress the hottest (and most unfashionable) new actor in Hollywood, she gets a lot more than she bargained for.

Mentally AND physically.

Because Ben Solo is freaking massive.

THIS WAS SO HOT OMG! Smutfest but also super cute. Another “I hate everyone but you” version of Ben I fell in love with. Loved this!

Incognito - Coworkers AU - Complete - Rated E - 30k

“Somehow Rey’s coworkers find out about her Daddy kink. They all kink shame her for it, except her coworker Ben. He has something else in mind.”

This was so funny! Ben and Rey were so cute, and I love Finn and Rose in this too! This was great!

A Home For Christmas - Single Parent, Sugar Daddy AU - Complete - Rated E - 109k

Rey is a struggling single mother who needs to do right by her daughter, even if it means she needs to steal. Ben is sad and lonely, recently divorced for the second time. When Rey's daughter picks him to help her find her mom, their paths cross and their Christmas becomes a little more bright.

This was so freaking cute OMG!! I know I say that a lot, but this was so adorable! I loved Ben and Rey so much, but Nova was obviously the star of the show. I cannot recommend this enough!

Unsuppressed - Office, A/B/O AU - Complete - Rated E - 49k

Rey had only ever encountered two Alphas in her entire life that had been unsuppressed. And now this third one that stunk up the entire building. Not that it stunk, his scent. In fact, it was the most delicious thing Rey had ever smelled. ///////////////////////////////////// Ben Solo closed his eyes as he rode down the elevator from the 40th floor to the lobby, trying not to reach up to his glands to scratch them. Somehow, it felt like he always caught the elevator that was dripping in the Omega’s scent. The one that wandered around the building without any suppressants. The one that smelled better than any Omega he had ever smelled before.

STRAIGHT FLUFF AND SMUT OMFG!!! I loved this so freaking much! This was whatever the opposite of unresolved sexual tension and slow burn. Like Ben and Rey tried to make this a slow burn but they could not keep their hands off of each other. I loved this!

Sunshine and Gunpowder - Hitman, Surprise Parents AU - Complete - Rated E - 48k

She’s a teacher who would do anything to protect her student. He’s a glorified hitman with a heart of black gold.

Together, they make up odd halves of a beautiful whole.

THIS WAS SO CUTE!! Like, yes, I know Ben is a hitman, but when I tell you he was the softest hit man I have ever read, Temiri was so cute in this! I loved Ben and Rey, and their UST made me love them even more. Han and Leia are also hilarious in this! 

It Takes a Village - A/B/O, Surprise Parents AU - Complete - Rated E - 40k 

Who knew that all it would take for Rey Johnson to interact with her enigmatic Alpha neighbor without wanting to melt into a puddle of hormones was a baby being abandoned at her doorstep?

Not her. That was for sure.

THIS IS THE CUTEST ONE YET! I REREAD THIS QUITE OFTEN! LIKE AHHHHHHH SO FREAKING FLUFFY! NOT EVEN A WHISPER OF ANGST AND A LOT OF SMUT I LOVED THIS SO FREAKING MUCH AHHHH! AND THE EPILOGUE MADE ME CRY!

Sensual Storytime - Office AU - Complete - Rated E - 23k

When Rey Johnson starts a new job, her initially antagonistic relationship with Ben Solo from IT turns into friendship... and maybe something more.

Little does she know he also moonlights as Kylo Ren, the creator of her favorite audio erotica. One day at the office, worlds collide, and she realizes the sweater vest-wearing nerd of her dreams is also the tattooed fantasy man she listens to while getting off every night...

THIS IS MY FAVORITE REYLO FIC EVER. I RECOMMEND THIS TO PEOPLE WHO DON’T EVEN LIKE STAR WARS! THIS IS COWORKER BANTER LIKE NO OTHER. AND THE SMUT ? UNPARALLELED. READ THIS NOW!

That is all I have time for right now, but I’ll make another list later if anyone would like that! Please take care of yourself and have a great day! 

[sharknadoslutt]

Not that I ever wanted to watch it because of the era it plays in, but what was so awful about Star Wars resistance?

Oh Okay this ask got me GOING so Welcome to my Tedtalk on my feelings on Star Wars Resistance; a story of Disappointment.

So Mr. Dave Filoni, the story telling Prince, left the show like halfway through production of the first season for other projects (For TCW season 7 and The Mandalorian). This left what was a promising show with characters Dave himself had created, in the hands of very inexperienced story board artist and writers. Personally, I think they panicked and half assed it so that Disney could make money on toys. Because.. idk. It just doesn't even come close to the emotional story arcs that TCW and Rebels gave us. and that's what Star Wars is supposed to be about. Changing for the better. Hope or some shit, am I right?

What was most disappointing in my opinion.. is that the protagonist, Kazudo Xiono, is UNBEARABLE. He is the EMBODIEMENT of privilege. This punk has had everything handed down to him from the moment he was born. He was born like 14 years after the Empire has been brought down and the New Republic reigns, so he has never known war. AND HIS DADDY IS THE SENATOR OF HOSNIAN PRIME FOR FUCKS SAKE! THE CAPITOL????? WHERE THE SENATE IS???? YOU KNOW HOW RICH THAT MUST MAKE HIs FaMiLY??? His dad literally gives him an allowance even though he is a grown ass man in the military when the show starts.

To put things into perspective for those not up to date on Sequel Era Lore and I envy you greatly tbh bcs not to be that person i do not like the sequels that's the equivalent of being the Senator of Coruscant in the Prequels!!!!

Not to mention he is a BUMBLING idiot. Like. This man has ADHD on steroids. As a person with ADHD it's.. lord, it's cringe. He is clumsy. He is loud. He says inappropriate things at the wrong time. He doesn't know how to do anything for himself. AND HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE A SPY FOR THE RESISTANCE UNDER COVER AS A MECHANIC???? HE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT MECHANICS and really doesn't really learn anything about it by the time the show ends. And don't come at me saying this is a kids show so I cant complain about things being silly bcs I'm not the target audience. I can and I will bcs no one was NEARLY this obnoxious in TCW or Rebels. Kaz is Jarjar Level, but I ACTUALLY LIKE JARJAR!

DUDE IS A DAMN SPY HE DOESNT EVEN LIKE GO BY AN ALLIAS!!! HE DEADASS USES HIS REAL FULL NAME. BCS KAZ IS AN IDIOT.

I'm not saying he isn't a good person. Kaz is very sweet tbh. He's just an unknowing spoiled ass man-child who NEVER REALLY DEVELOPS INTO ANYTHING ELSE?????

It would be okay if he entered the show like this and exited a more mature, capable man. But he really doesn't. There are never any consequences for his actions. Ever. Other than when he becomes a spy and, again, IS USING HIS REAL LEGAL NAME as a spy for the Resistance... to avoid a scandal and to scold him for LITERALLY DESERTING THE NAVY his daddy cuts him off from his allowance. So instead of half assing his cover job as a mechanic, Kaz has to actually apply himself so he can make money for food. He doesn't improve much. His co-workers (Who are MUCH more interesting than him) constantly complain about him messing things up and making their jobs more difficult.

Man, FUCK KAZ. MY HOMIES HATE KAZ. BEING HOT CAN ONLY GET YOU SO FAR!!!!!

At the Season one finale there is a moment where you think he is finally going to grow as a man! Grow into the protagonist we deserve! Tragedy, for the first time in his life, strikes Kaz! It's during the events of episode 7, when The First Order blows up Hosnian Prime. His home planet. Where his FATHER LIVES. He has a moment of humanity and he is devastated. He almost cries. But he sucks it up to finish the mission and get his friends off base for their safety. He is a man now. and the audience feels a sense of comradery for Kaz. After all, Star Wars is about Fathers. Kaz has lost his father forever. His father was KILLED by the First Order. He now, first hand, has experienced real loss for the first time and this is going to help him grow and toughen up. he has to live on his own now. Our hero has a reason to be doing what he's doing. Fighting against the first order.

BUT NAH. FAM. then the very next fucking EPISODE YOU FIND OUT HIS DAD IS FUCKING ALIVE AND THAT HE DIDNT ACTUALLY EXPEIRENCE THE LOSS THAT HE HAD THOUGHT, AND HE GOES RIGHT BACK TO BEING HIS GOOFY ASS CHILDISH SELF. NO. I HATED THAT. THERE WAS NO REASON FOR GROWTH. MAN FUCK RESISTANCE.

FUCK. IF ANYONE DESERVED THEIR FATHER TO LIVE THROUGH A DAMN PLANETORY DESTRUCTION IT WAS MY GIRL LEIA, NOT FUCKING KAZUDO THE CLOWN XIONO. FUCK. guys I'm sorry I just really hate this god damn character.

Like. Lemme break it down, folks.

TCW started and Ahsoka enters. I HATED Ahsoka for a long time. Bcs she was young, cocky and annoying. But that was on purpose. Narratively, she experiences loss, she experiences pain and GROws as a character while navigating her Jedi life during the war. Our girl grows into the capable protagonist that we EXPECT out of a Star Wars story.

Same for Rebels. We meet Ezra, and he's not quite as annoying as Ahsoka was at first in my opinion (I cannot stress how much I did not care for Ahsoka yall) but he was young. He was childish. But he was more capable at 14 than fucking Kaz was at 20. By the end of Rebels, not only is he more wise and capable, but he is selfless. He has found his own path and it's only because of what he has gone through. His journey has made him stronger. Ezra is my favorite Star Wars journey, if I'm being honest. He is the perfect example of character development.

KAZUDO XIONO ENTERS SEASON ONE AS A 20 YEAR OLD MAN-CHILD USING DADDY'S MONEY WHO IS LOUD AND DOESNT KNOW WHEN THE STFU... AND EXITS THE FINALE... AS A LOUD MAN-CHILD WHO CAN NOW USE TOOLS. He doesn't' experience REAL FAMILIAL loss. He doesn't really experience a lot of character development at all. Things just happen around him, he helps, but he doesn't learn. He doesn't grow. I fucking hate that.

Literally every single character in the show BESIDEs Kaz is more interesting than him. and EXPEIRENCE CHARACTER GROWTH!!!

Jarek Yeager, Kaz's boss in the mechanic shop, was in the Rebellion and LOST HIS FAMILY. He is a sexy ass man too. HE starts the show not wanting to help the Resistance at all bcs he's experienced loss since his days in the Rebellion, and his heart is hard and he's comfortable. By the end of the show he is risking not just his career, but his VERY LIFE to help the Resistance.

Tam Ryvora, Kaz's co-worker. Daughter figure to Yeager and a total bad ass woman of color. She is the one on the show who experiences the most character development and struggles to find her identity while the First Order is taking over the galaxy. I LOVE her.

There are these 2 kids who are force sensitive and orphaned after Kylo Ren comits GENOCIDE on their planet. This arc set up is never fully addressed nor does it have a conclusion, like most story arcs on this show tbh.

There's a literal witch for some reason??

There's this fucking rad ass sexy Mirilian Pirate girl named Synara who FOR SOME REASON is suggested to be Kaz's love interest. Gross. Girl, you gay. Move in.

I could go on and on and on. But I wont. Fuck this show. Fuck Kaz. It literally adds NOTHING to the bigger Star Wars lore. TCW and Rebels do this beautifully and this show is a hot mess of ideas and characters that never come to a satisfying story telling conclusion.

Thanks for coming to my tedtalk, dont watch Resistance.

[littlx-songbxrd]

Chain of Iron:Death theory

As the awaited release date for Chain of Iron approaches and the fandom decends into pure madness, I want to put in my last two cents of overthinking before I stop having coherent thoughts

So we all know this is a second book, and second books bring the absolute pain in the shadowhunter chronicles. There is likely going to be a death from the mains considering the theme of this book, and I am here to throw my theory and reasons as to who I think it might be. Im here to sadly theorize about why I think Christopher Lightwood might not make it past the last hours

1. Tatianas revenge

Right now, Tatiana wants revenge after all our main families: the carstairs, herondales, fairchilds and both branches of the lightwoods. For the lightwood-collins theres barbaras death. For the herondales her daughter has been manipulating their son for over 6 years. Theres a theory that the fairy poison Mathew bought that caused Charlottes misscarriage could be traced back to her. And there are other theories that Elias dissaperance between chog and choi could have something to do with Belial. As of right now the only family who is yet to recieve any permanent damage or tragedy are the lightwood-herondales. Which is really ironic considering its the only family that has two bloodlines Tatiana wants to harm. Not only that, but theyre also the children of who Tatiana blames directly for her fathers death, Gabriel. It seems fishy to me there hasn't been any permanent damage in their family, and I dont think that is gonna last for long

2. The family tree

The family tree states that Grace Cartwright (Aka Grace Blackthorn) marries Christopher Lightwood and theyre the ones who continue the line that leads to Alec and Isabelle. Now Cassandra has said varius times the family tree can be misleading, and I am a firm believer this is one of the misleading ends. Why this lie was created, I'm not sure, but lets analize some things. As of right now there are 5 lightwood children. At least 3 of them can pass down the lightwood name. Of those three, if we take into account that Thomas may not have kids due to being gay, that still leaves two branches of lightwood kids that may continue on. As of present time we only have word of one line, Alec and Isabelles. And Robert isnt said to have any cousins, theres no mention in the future of another lightwood line. So the idea that both Alexander and Christopher have kids is pretty unbelivable considering theres only one lightwood line in the future. Unless Alexander goes on to have only girls and Christopher has only one boy, it seems more likely the family tree is wrong. Isabelle and Alec are confirmed as of the bane chronicles to be decendants of Gabriel lightwood (Isabelle makes a reference to looking up her great great grandfather Gabriel Lightwood and telling magnus he was hot in the last story of the book)

So its already confirmed they're a) the last decendants of the lightwood line and b) that line stems from Gabriel. If we based ourselves solely on the family tree and Christopher being the one carrying the line, that would have been believable enough not to raise any red flags. Christopher IS the son of Grabriel Lightwood, able bodied and seems to have a general attraction to women (I mean, we all know hes aro/ace but lets stick with canon). There isnt anything pointing to him not being able to marry and have kids. Where the red flags raise for me is with Alexander

Alexander wasnt in the original plans for the family tree, he was added when Cassie started writting the last hours. If you take into account his role in chog, there really was no reason to add Alexander Lightwood. He doesnt seem to do anything, hes a 3 year old kid, you can very well delete him from the narrative and nothing would change. So why did Cassandra add him?? Why did she decide to make Cecily and Gabriel have another kid ?

To me, it seems a lot like the baby carstairs situation . The family tree says Alastair carries the carstairs line, Alastair is a gay man so he cant have biological kids, theres another unplaned baby to carry the line. It seems to me Christopher carrying the lightwood line is a lie, and Alexanders role is to carry it in his place. I even found a little info from an ask wayy before chain of gold came out where it said Alexander had green eyes, but in the book she changed it to blue eyes. The exact same shade the modern day lightwoods seem to have. A trait hes more likely to pass down than his lavender eyed brother who supposedly "marries" grey eyed grace

3. Character Arc

Characters in literature need goals, things to work for or work towards through the story in order for them to develop. We call those things character arcs, and it seems we have all ignored how christophers may have indirectly ended. If you read his short story, or just overall analize his character, his main goal is simple. He wants to create something that will help the nephlim through science. His personal character arc is that he wants to prove himself and his skill to the clave using his passion to be a hero.

An arc that could have been expanded all through the series, and ended with him using his skills in the end to defeat belial in some way, proving his passions worth. Through the story we could have had a glimpse at his struggles, how he was put down, the failed attempts, fustrations etc. This all could have rounded christopher as a character, and brought more satisfaction to the end goal of his arc which is proving the value of his science. But instead, his arc in book seemingly already ended? Because he did it, he figured out a way to combine science with his duty and saved the entire enclave from the demon poison. He is now acclaimed a hero for his skills. All the other characters have things to finish going into chain of iron, Christopher doesnt. Why would she end an arc that could have taken through the entire series in just one book? Christopher is the only secondary character with a defined personality and a lack of arc to look foward too in following books. This could all point that his arc was rushed because it was being cut short

4. Lightwood blood

There has been a lot of theories going around about Thomas being the one who gets killed in this book, which is resonable considering the unerving amount of forehsadowing we've had to him getting himself caught up in something. But I raise you this, why would CC be giving us so much assurance that Thomas was going to get hurt if she was going to kill him? Not only would she be reaveling one of her most devastating murders, she would basically be spoiling a very big part of her own book. Thomas death would affect everyone, if she WERE to kill him she wouldnt be indulging us in our Thomas death theory as much as she has. Itd be too expectable, I actually believe that by giving us all the info she has she has more or less confirmed he wont die.

I believe this is all a decoy. Shes giving us foreshadowing towards something bad happening to Thomas, to cover up the very big reality shes planning to kill someone else. Theres a very big chance that for the resurection, theyre gonna need Jesses families blood. Same way Malcom needed blackthorn blood to raise Annabel. As of rightnow there arent any blackthorns (by blood) left alive, the only blood relatives Jesse still had are the lightwoods. So we already know Thomas gets captured by the murderer (referenece to the art), but it is most likely he gets rescued. People speculate he most likely got captured for the resurection Tatianas trying to do, because of his lightwood blood. But if Thomas escapes, Tatiana still needs her families blood. And I'd like to point out this is also where the fact she hasnt taken permanent revenge on the lightwood-herondales would come in. Theres a good chance that if the murders are releated to her, and she cant have Thomas, she wont stop at just Thomas.

5. Story relevance

In all sense of story, Christopher is the perfect candidate to kill. As hard as that is to say: he's a secondary character, who has a well defined personality, loved enough by the fans that there would certainly be a shock factor following his death, important enough to the story that there would be a big impact to the narrative, and interwined enough with the main characters to cause emotional distress in the story. His arc is indirectly done, this author has a history of killing lightwoods, there isnt much to discourage the possibility he might be killed besides the faulty family tree. And as I said, that tree has been stated multiple times to be misleading

Bonus prove

6. Christophers cut-out

Same way were analizing the hell out of a broken spear, why are we not talking about the skull on christophers?

(Sorry couldnt get better quality pics)

The truth is, I hate this theory as much as everyone, Im genuinly hoping chain of iron proves me wrong. But there are 5 deaths comming, and not all of them can be side characters. Cordelia Lucie and James all have main character protection. I already explained why Thomas dying is unlikely. Anna, Ariadne and Alastair have gay protection (and I think some asks about Alastair dying were pretty much answered with a discreet no)

If there are mains dying, Christophers the most likely to go

[sif-the-tsunami]

Of fathers and daughters

This is a Coffeehouse!AU with a one word prompt brumous (adj.) - of grey skies and winter days; filled with heavy clouds or fog for @its--fandom--darling​ 1000 follower celebration!

I don’t know when I’ll really feel like mixing up some word salad again so I’m throwing myself in this one. This is probably the last Henry piece I’ll work on for a while so, might as well, right? Henry takes his daughter to his favorite little coffeehouse and gets some help when he least expects it.

Warnings: talks about a very difficult pregnancy, PPD, and new parent struggles. aside from that, ITS SO FLUFFY YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!!! Also mom jokes, which are like dad jokes. But they cute you to the core.

Not beta’d: all you can eat typos.

“Hush, my darling. Lets give Mummy some time to nap, sweet girl.” Henry said in a soothing tone to the baby as she whimpered in discontentment. The infant was just so tiny as he held her against his warm chest. The diaper bag was on the handle of pram, a cozy blanket was readily available as was a snuggly puppy stuffy that looked just like Kal. A fan had hand stitched it for the growing family shortly after the Cavill clan announced the pregnancy.

The tiny manifestation of he and his wifes love for each other loudly protested her sudden change of scenery and cold air on her face as soon as they walked out the front door. The motion of the buggy seemed to calm her. “I know, my love, we wont be outside for long, I promise. We are just going to go see Auntie Sif. She’s just down the street.”

The sky was a dark grey as they trekked down the road to Henry’s favorite coffeehouse. It perfectly matched his mood for the afternoon. Being parents to a baby that after everything was said and done the doctor was even surprised made it full term had been emotionally taxing. Her umbilical chord had only one artery, and the increased hormones made his wife miserable practically as soon as implantation even happened. It started with an aversion to eggs and just got worse from there. 

They were both exhausted, but his wife definitely didn’t have the easiest time. If his love could cure what ailed her, there would be no bad days. But depression just doesn’t work like that.

Arriving at the coffeehouse, the warmth and laughter inside welcomed him. The smell of soup and the occasional notes of espresso greeted his soul. 

“Well hey there, stranger!” A bright voice called out from behind the counter. “Oooh, you brought my littlest sweetheart to see me! Where is Momma?”

“Hello, Sif. We are on a daddy-daughter adventure so Mummy can take a nap. My god does it smell good in here.” The tiny woman came up and hugged him hard. She then pivoted immediately to look at the pink wrapped baby laying down in the pram. 

“Good man, and it smells so good in here because I made your favorite soup today.” She said, smiling, her eyes teared up a little at the little girl wiggling.

“You didn’t even know I was coming.” He laughed. When they had gone to 

“You go take a seat, darlin’, I’ll get you set up. Your usual, right?” Her vaguely southern accent popped out when she was really happy. He looked around the space. Her husband was in the corner teaching a younger patron how to play Warhammer. He never remembered his name, but in his mind he called the red bearded man Thor. He looked up and waved at new dad.

“For coffee, yes. Can I get the soup and sandwich thing you make me?”

“Of course.” Moments later, Sif came out with a tray in one of her hands. She placed a steaming bowl of soup in front of him with a heel of a fresh baguette from a local bakery. The sandwich was so big he almost couldn’t wrap his lips around it. The latte was perfect, but like always, she made the foam look like a dick.

As soon he dug into the sandwich, his baby started screaming until her face was bright red. Henry tried everything, checked her wants, needs, but the crying continued. Before he could run through the mental checklist again, he looked up and saw Sif walking over. “Oh no, sweet girl, are you giving Daddy a hard time? How can I help, Hen?”

“I don’t know what she wants, her nappy is clean, she didn’t want the bottle.”

“Maybe she just needs a new view, can I hold her?” Henry nodded. “Alright, Chicken, come here. Daddy should be able to eat his lunch while it’s hot, right?”

“Did you just call my daughter a... a farm animal?” Henry asked between mouthfuls of soup.

“My Grammy used to call my sister Chicken and I was Chicken Little. I think it’s a Massachusetts thing. Or Irish, her grandmother used to call her Chicken too. I call my daughter it occasionally.” The woman stood up and started rocking back and forth and pacing a little. Soon the little girl was snuggled into her chest, perfectly content as long as she could see her daddy. In a smooth voice, almost musical, she rubbed the two month old’s back. “See, everything is alright. You just relax, my littlest sweetheart, that way my biggest sweetheart can take good care of you once he’s eaten. Yeah, does that sound like a good idea?”

Before long the baby drifted back to sleep so Sif leaned her back to hold her more comfortably, Thor walked up to his wife with his car keys in his hand, chuckling. “Before you get any ideas. No.”

“No, I know. I like my babies these days the way I like my library books, returnable.” His wife said. “Getting the wee shebeast from school? Drive safe, my love.”

Continuing to rock back and forth with the expertise of someone who has helped many babies fall asleep, Sif hummed gently. Henry finished his food as quickly as he could. “I appreciate how good you’ve been to us, Sif. The Missus loved the cookies you baked her.”

“I am happy to make her more whenever she wants them. You both have been far kinder to me than I could have ever hoped for. You told all your friends how much you liked our place and honestly that made a huge difference. I wouldn't have made some of the friends I have without you, and I can’t thank you enough for that. How is your wife doing?”

“Its been rough, but she’s been hanging in there.”

“Well, give both of you some grace. I know you will get a million people telling you that you should enjoy every minute because they are fleeting. And I’m sure you will get more people who will give you a hard time for not being grateful for every sleepless night. But I’m going to tell you this, as an unsolicited veteran parent to a new one, sometimes babies are hard. You don’t know each other yet and you don’t understand what the other wants. They have no idea of patience, or object permanence. Whenever something go wrong for the first, like, I don’t know, eight years of their lives, try to remember that it could very well be the worst thing that could have ever happened to them so they will react accordingly.” Sif gently stroked the soft hair on the babies head. Looking at the little angelic face in her arms, “So much hard work, so much heartbreak. But, if you do the right by her, you’ll make the world a little bit better. But you know that, you have nieces and nephews. You guys are doing great.”

Henry nodded taking the baby back into his arms. “Thank you, Sif.”

“I’m going to go package up some soup for Momma, give you guys one less thing to worry about tonight.” She said, squeezing his shoulder gently. She came back a few minutes later with a container with some supper for his wife. 

“We’ll see you soon, my friend.” Henry said, tired still but ready to go home. He leaned down and hugged the small woman. “We love you, thank you again.”

“Be safe, give Kal some love for me.” 

[leigh-kelly]

If She Never Showed Up What Could Have Been

Happy Brittana’s 6th Anniversary my fellow shippers! I’ve had this idea in my head since Folklore came out last summer, and I figured what better time to share it than today? Obviously, it’s based on “The Last Great American Dynasty.”

Her husband was dead. The doctors had warned them about it for months, that his lifestyle was going to kill him with his weak heart, but Bill hadn’t cared. He’d told her one night as they were lying side by side on the beach that he’d rather live the life he had the way he wanted then live a longer one with no fun. Brittany struggled with that a bit. She thought of the sunny day she got off the train in Watch Hill, Rhode Island, so far from home in St. Louis, and how she’d been madly in love. Their love hadn’t waned over the years, even as Bill traveled for work and Brittany did the fundraising that any young socialite was wont to do. But then, she’d woken up and found his lifeless body next to her and something inside her just snapped.

Everyone in town talked about her. Watch Hill wasn’t a very big place and it was difficult to get away from the gossip. More than once, she’d heard someone casually mention that it was her fault that he was dead. She’d let him party too hard, she was too concerned with having fun herself, some even said that she’d poisoned him for his money, despite what the coroner’s report had said. He was the heir to Standard Oil and they seemed to care more about what losing him meant to the company, not what losing him had meant to her. He wasn’t her first husband, but he was the one she’d truly loved and she missed him dearly. But Brittany was Brittany and she wasn’t going to let that end her life, no matter what everyone else said.

In the first months after Bill’s death, perhaps Brittany went a little mad. She was lonely and she was looking for anything to fill the emptiness. One day, she got it in her head that she wanted to swim in a pool full of champagne. Bill would have thought that was the funniest thing he’d ever heard, and he would have indulged her, so she bought case after case and her groundskeeper drained the pool and filled it up for her bottle by bottle. The bubbles effervesced around her when she got in and she breathed in the sweet alcoholic scent. When she got out, she was sticky from head to toe, but the only way she was surviving was to give into whims like that. The neighbors talked, of course they did, but one, Rachel Berry, was so callous and cruel to her that the next time her dog—a yappy little thing—wandered into her yard, Brittany dipped him in RIT and let him dry a perfect shade of key lime green. After that, everyone had said she’d stolen him, but really, Rachel was always letting the thing out of her sight, and the dog was fine.

After a while, Brittany got tired of Watch Hill. It was the same thing every day, the big salt box house that reminded her of Bill, the gossip that seemed to persist everywhere, so she started going to New York. She’d always loved the ballet and she took in performance after performance. She spent more money than she probably should have, despite the fact that she was rolling in it, but it was the first thing that made her feel alive again. Then, she started flying her friends in from New York and St. Louis and spent even more money entertaining, showing suitors, both men and women, a good time.

It happened when she least expected it. Her friend Mercedes had brought a girl along with her on one of her trips, and when the woman stepped out of the cab, Brittany nearly fell to her knees. Her heart did something that it hadn’t done in too long to count, possibly ever, and she struggled for breath. Standing just outside the house was the most beautiful human being Brittany had ever seen. She wasn’t sure what was darker, her hair or her eyes and she stood with such a poise that Brittany could only dream about having. Her dress was cut low in the front and Brittany’s eyebrows raised a little thinking about what was beneath it. Mercedes came up to the door first and Brittany was stirred from her fantasy when she gave her a hug. Brittany smiled, probably wider than she’d smiled in a year and Mercedes looked at her knowingly.

“A little treat for you, maybe?” Mercedes whispered in her ear and Brittany’s throat went dry.

“I—”

“Hi.” The other woman came up to her, extending her hand. “I hope you don’t mind that Mercedes brought me along. She just couldn’t stop talking about you and I had to meet the famous Brittany Harkness in person, and of course, see this Holiday House that Mercedes is in love with.”

“Oh, um, no, I absolutely don’t mind that you’ve come. There’s plenty of room, though I’m not totally sure who else will be joining us this weekend. I hope you don’t mind a party.”

“That I don’t.” Santana laughed, and the sound was like music to Brittany’s ears.

As Mercedes and Santana settled themselves into the house, the other guests began to arrive. Brittany was so likely to offer plane tickets to her friends that she never knew who was going to take advantage of it and show up, always, much to Rachel Berry’s chagrin. By the time the maids put dinner on the table, it was set for seventeen and Brittany tried to figure out a way to get Santana seated next to her.

“Santana,” She finally said softly as she sipped her old fashioned. “Since this is your first time a Holiday House, I’d love it if you took a place of honor beside me.”

“This house is full of your friends, Brittany, are you sure?

“I’m sure.”

Dinner was, as always, a boisterous affair, and Brittany hardly had the chance to speak two words to Santana that weren’t interrupted by Tina, or Mike, or much to her annoyance, Blaine. But she was staying for the whole weekend and Brittany kept reminding herself that there would be time for all of that once everyone had settled. After dinner was through and the dishes were cleared away, everyone trickled out into the backyard, wanting the cool sea air to settle their stomachs as they began to drink more heavily. Brittany noticed that Santana lingered near her and it caused her heart to flip, wondering, perhaps, if the woman saw something in her as well.

“I’m sorry, you know.” Santana murmured as she and Brittany stood beside the pool. “Mercedes said it hasn’t been easy for you since—you know.”

“Thank you.” Brittany nodded. “I feel like a fish out of water in this place sometimes. But now that I’ve thrown myself into founding the Harkness Ballet, my life seems to have some purpose again.”

“I’m looking forward to the first production. I just adore the ballet.”

“Do you?” Brittany smiled, glad to have found something in common with her. “I wanted to be a dancer when I was young, but my parents warned against it.”

“Would you like to dance now, with me?”

“Oh—”

“I’m sorry, was that too forward? I just…thought I saw you looking at me a certain way.”

“No, no…I was, I mean, I am, I…yes, I would love to dance with you.”

Santana stepped into Brittany’s arms and they danced to the sounds of the cellist who had set himself up on the other end of the pool. It was strange, that Brittany had only known Santana a few hours, but found herself in a state of perfect security once they began to dance together. Brittany looked into Santana’s eyes and found that she longed to kiss her. She couldn’t do it here though, not right in front of everyone, there was something far too taboo about that, but she pulled Santana closer and they shared a soft smile.

Hours later, Brittany had more than her share to drink and everyone had began retiring to their rooms. It was just her and Santana, who still had a martini, who remained in the backyard, and Brittany looked down over the railing of the walkway to see that the ocean looked especially beautiful that night. On so many nights, she’d gone down there herself, sat herself in the sand and just stared out at the wide ocean, wondering what was next for her. In that moment, she had a strange thought, wondering, perhaps, if it was Santana that was next for her. It was an odd thought, definitely, but she just couldn’t seem to shake it.

“I normally go down to the beach at night before bed, what do you think?”

“I could go up to bed if you’d like the time alone.”

“I’d like to share it with you, if that’s alright.” Brittany told her, gently taking her hand.

Together, they walked down to the beach and Brittany found a spot for them in the sand. Santana was clearly very tipsy—not that Brittany wasn’t—and she rested her head on Brittany’s shoulder. Brittany touched her hair and suddenly, Santana lifted her head up, looking Brittany right in the eyes. Even in the moonlight, Brittany could see the softness in them and she pressed her hand to Santana’s cheek.

“Would it be alright—”

“Kiss me, please.” Santana whispered, and Brittany did just that.