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alilobsessive · 4 months ago

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Reader Dent

A very short thing about my Neglected Bat kid is Harvey’s Bio kid AU.

You’re mother never wanted you, she didn’t hate you, she just didn’t love you. So not long after she gave birth to you, she left you and your dad, giving up her parenting rights completely. You’re dad admittedly saw this coming, him and your mother had been having problems before she even found out she was pregnant. It didn’t make it any less hard on him. But he pulled through, and things were going fine, he had a kid, a feancé, a nice house and was Gotham City’s youngest DA.

Sure he had issues, some days it felt like you were talking to a different person then your dad. No less loving and caring for you and Gloria, no less your dad, but just different. Most days he would be cool, confidents oozing out of his pores. But then suddenly, for reasons you’re unsure of he would become almost meeker, sader, angeryer, and terrified of touching you. The differences seemed drastic to you, but no one else seemed to notice. Gloria never seemed to understand what you were talking about when you brought it up, nether did Uncle Bruce. You asked your dad twice, the first time he was very confused the second time he looked like he was on the verge of a panic attack. So you never really asked again, of course hindsight is 20/20, the fact that you were the only one that noticed and not mister ‘Worlds Greatest Detective’ is hilarious and sad. But manly hilarious.

All and all he’s your dad, he loves you and cares for you. That’s all that ever mattered to you, not even what happened next could sway your resolve. You don’t really know all the details, no one wants to tell a 5 year old how there dad gets like that. Not even Uncle Bruce would tell you, all you know is that one day at work you’re dad gets in an accident. Gloria takes you to visit him in the hospital, he’s in there for months. All that time Gloria takes care of you, it was alright, you had no problem with her. She was nice, you two were just never close enough for you to call her mom. But she took you to visit your dad every day, and when she couldn’t you would call Uncle Bruce and nag him into taking you. Eventually though, the bandages were removed, and he was allowed to go home, your dad was never the same.

It came quickly, far too quickly for you to even understand what happened. At first it was Gloria’s scream, then she was just gone. Next was the way people looked at your dad, live he wasn’t a hero who put bad guys away but was a bad guy. You didn’t get it, sure he looked different, you have eyes. But he’s still your dad, still the man who took care of you your whole life. He’s a good person and how he looks now doesn’t change that, not in your eyes, not in your uncle’s eyes, not in the eyes of the law. But no one said life was fair, finally after so many years of hardship, more then you will ever know, something in your dad snapped. The next thing you know the police were asking you questions, questions you didn’t know the answers to. Sure you’re dad was acting weird ever since he came back, but he wasn’t dangerous, why did everyone think he was dangerous? Then suddenly you were living with Uncle Bruce, something changed in him too. He never looked at you for long, when he did it was for short and full of sorrow.

You didn’t get it, you wanted your dad, you wanted Uncle Bruce to start acting normal again. You wanted everything to be normal again. The only saving grace was that your last name nor school changed. That’s actually what happened next, about a year after it all went down you were waiting for Alfred to pick you up, but then all of a sudden the teachers started moving everyone somewhere else. Something about a villain attack? You don’t know you stop paying attention when you spotted someone from a distance. Someone you hadn’t seen in a year, someone even Uncle Bruce stop talking about. You’re dad, he was far away but you could recognize him anywhere. Excitedly you slipped away from the crowd and ran towards him.

“Dad!” You say happily reaching up towards him, he looks at you and it’s not a smile. It’s not that he’s not happy to see you, no you can see that he is, but he’s not smiling, not showing it. He’s look’s almost nervous, you watch him flip the coin it lands on the scared side. “Hay kiddo” he says softly “upes!” You say making grabby hands. “Aren’t you a little too old for that?” He asks amused “soooo?” Is your response, he rolls his eyes and picks you up. “How about me and my friends here take you on a little trip?” He asks, you were so focused on your dad you didn’t even realize there were other people here. Rough looking men carrying weapons, you look confused at them, “Dad?” You ask “who are they?” He just smiles and pats your head. “Come on, let’s get going” is all he says, walking away and for the first time, you feel fear.

The day itself was actually pretty uneventful, sure you were taken to a strange building. But all that happened was that you were made to sit in a metal chair, told to act scared and sit there as your dad monologues. Then you were given Icecream! “Uncle Bruce adopted a new kid a few months ago!” You say, your dad having asked you to fill him in on what he missed the past year he was gone. “Really now?” He says sitting on a chair not that far from you. “Ya I think his name is uuuuuuuuuu” you think for a moment before happily saying “Dick!” Your dad almost falls out of his chair. He turns to look at the men with weapons, “that’s his actual name boss” one of the men said. Your dad looks like he’s questioning all his life choices up until now. “Dick’s okay, I don’t really know him that well” you continue, “oh?” “Ya Uncle Bruce has been acting weird since you left. Where were you by the way?” You’re dad flips his coin again, not for the first time since you two have been talking, it’s honestly kind of annoying. It lands on the clean side, he opens his mouth to speak only for the doors of the warehouse you’re in to slam open.

The tuff looking men instantly turn there guns towards the door and your dad stands up a serious look on his face. There standing in the door is Uncle Bruce and Dick, except for some reason Bruce is dressed up like a bat and Dick is in a brightly colored acrobatics outfit with a mask on. You wave at them and go back to eating your Icecream, “well, well, it’s a pleasure to see you again Batman” your dad says. Which weird thing to call Uncle Bruce, “I see you even got a little sidekick” no du! You just told him about Dick! “Let the kid go Two Face!” Okay that’s just mean, why are they calling each other strange names anyways. Dad isn’t even acting like he knows Bruce! Does he… does he not realize that guy in a Bat costume is Bruce???

You watch very confused as the fight rages on, continuing to eat your ice cream. You don’t really get what’s happening even as you watch Dick do a backflip and land on a guys face. Once you finish you just awkwardly sit there, only for your dad to flip a coin. It doesn’t matter what was flipped, because before anyone could react your dad grabs you, and puts a gun to your head. You freeze in his grip, everything about this feels wrong. This isn’t right, he would never do this. This isn’t like him this- thisisn’trightthisisn’trightthisisn’trightthisisn’trightsomethingwornothisisworngworngwrongwrongwrongwrongWRONGWRONGWRONGWRONG. Your brain is buzzing, body tens yet weightless, you can barely think, barely pay attention to anything around you.

Everything spinning, moving to quickly and all you can do is sit there, frozen in fear. Before you new it Dick had somehow snuck up behind him and kicked him in the back so hard he dropped you. You fall to the ground with a thud, Uncle Bruce having taken the opportunity to punch your dad square in the jaw. Your picked up by Dick and taken to a car, we’re your basically thrown into the back seat. He then slams the door shut and runs off, you just sit there, shaking. You don’t know how much time passes as you sit there shivering, eyes unfocused. Nothing feels real, not even when Dick and Uncle Bruce finally get into the car. They don’t even really acknowledge you as they enter, you can faintly hear Dick say “the gun was unloaded” and while that gives you some comfort. That you were never in real danger, that it was just pretend. But it doesn’t stop how terrified you are, “I knew he was bluffing, he would never-“ Uncle Bruce says cutting himself off, he sighs.

The car eventually stoped and Uncle Bruce got out of it. He then took you out as well, he walked up the steps of the GCPD building, and left you on the steps. You just sat there in shock, not being able to move an inch as you watched him drive away. Did he not want you, did neither of them want you? What’s happening, what’s happening? You quickly start to sob on the steps, face turning a bright red. A police officer finds you and quickly brings you in, no matter how much they try to calm you down it doesn’t work. Something is wrong with your dad and Uncle Bruce doesn’t want you, why else would he take you here. “Hay kido” an elderly cop you recognize as Commissioner Gordon from your dad’s work comes up to you and bends down to your hight. “Everything’s going to be okay, we called Bruce, he’s going to come and pick you up” that just makes you cry harder “No!” You shout. “Kido-“ “NO!” What is this man not getting? “I know this is all hard for you, but-“ “NO NO NO NO NO!!” He sighs and sits next to you.

You cry for what feels like hours before you hear a familiar voice, “Hay chum” Uncle Bruce now out of the bat costume says softly. You scream harder “NO!” You try pushing him away, why’s he acting like this? Like he didn’t just leave you here, what were you not supposed to know the guy in the bat suit is him. Oh… you weren’t supposed to know the guy in the bat suit is him. Dispute your squirming and protests he picks you up and takes you to the car. You don’t like this you don’t like this. You just want everything to go back to normal.

@sirenetheblogger

#batfam x reader #platonic batfam #x gender neutral reader #x reader #neglected reader #Reader Dent #platonic harvey dent x reader

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apoloadonisandnarcissus · 4 months ago

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Resurrection, Death, Rebirth and Reincarnation in "Nosferatu" (2024)

Is it possible that Robert Eggers sneakily pulled a “Coppola” in his “Nosferatu”? This sounds insane but stay with me, while I try to unravel Orlok’s backstory.

“Nosferatu” (2024) left me with some burning questions about Ellen and Orlok connection (outside of the occult meaning), because Robert Eggers is a director obsessed with detail:

Why does Orlok want to be spiritually united with Ellen, forever? To the point of obsession, really; he traveled from Romania to Germany, and he’s willingly to kill everyone and spread plague in order to achieve it. His entire goal is to have Ellen’s soul by his side for all eternity, he’s consumed by it;

How come she understands him speaking Dacian (an Balkan extinct language for centuries)? Does their connection come with a translator device? In “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” is unclear if Mina understands Dracula when he speaks Romanian, but she recognizes his voice as familiar (she’s the reincarnation of his wife);

Why is lilac their signature flower? Native to the Balkans and also connected to rebirth. Sure, the Victorian symbolism of this flower fits them, but so could others. And it’s clear Eggers really wanted this specific flower, even if it doesnt fit the setting: because it blooms in the Spring, and the events of the film are set in Winter. Winter represents death, closure, reflection, despair and sadness, and rest, as nature is dormant and will rebirth and renew in Spring time, which symbolizes the circles of life, promises of new life, new beginnings, growth and fertility. According to Lina Muir, the costume designer, lilacs remind Orlok of when he was alive;

Ellen and Orlok are connected with every facet of life and death: resurrection, death itself and rebirth. Is it possible that “reincarnation” also fits here?

The Curse of Nosferatu

According to Adrien Cremene, in his “La Mythologie du vampire en Roumanie”, the strigoi myth dates back to the Dacians. The strigoi are creatures of Dacian mythology, troubled or evil souls, the spirits of the dead whose actions made them unworthy of entering the kingdom of Zalmoxis (more on the Dacians and Zalmoxis later). Which appears to be Orlok’s case? He probably did some terrible things in life which caused him to be cursed to become Nosferatu?

A strigoi isn’t necessarily a vampire; but it’s not excluded because they can feed on blood. They rise from their grave at night, wandering and creating havoc. Strigoi haunt their relatives; bring plague with them; feed off the heart of the living, and their life force; and being bitten by a strigoi doesn’t turn the victim into one. There are strigoi-viu (living; sorcerer) and strigoi-mort (undead), with the last being Orlok’s case, obviously.

What is believed to be the cause for this curse is diverse, but according to the encyclopedist Dimitrie Cantemir and the folklorist Teodor Burada in their book “Datinile Poporului român la înmormântări” (1882), it can be one among several things:

Physical characteristics that doom the person in life: being the seventh of seven brothers; being a redhead; etc.

Lead a life of sin;

Die without being married;

Die by execution for perjury (false oath);

Suicide

Die by a witch’s curse.

Other causes in Romanian folklore can be: violent past; “bad death” (violent death; lack of closure; conflicts with relatives); sorcerers and witches; or someone who can’t leave the living world because they can’t forget their loved ones.

And this explains why Herr Knock wanted to be violently killed by Thomas, near the end of the film: he wanted to become a strigoi, Nosferatu like Orlok (“prince of rats”), and wanted a violent death to seal the deal. But his covenant with Orlok is not the same as Orlok and Ellen’s.

“I relinquished him my soul. I should have been the Prince of Rats – immortal... but he broke our covenant... for he cares only for his pretty bride [...] She is his! [...] Strike again. I am blasphemy!”

Since Robert Eggers took the time to write a few pages on Orlok’s backstory, I doubt the explanation is something as simple as “he was a sorcerer” in life. Orlok having a violent past is also hardly surprising, since he was a warlord who most likely saw battle, violence is to be expected here. There’s no reason to be secretive about any of these options. Everyone is expecting Orlok to be evil incarnate when he was alive. The only reason for not letting us know about his past it’s because he’s probably a tragic character, and that would humanize him at the eyes of the audience, and break the horror theme.

And here is where it gets enigmatic; because Orlok was dead, and had been for centuries, until Ellen awoke him. It’s her crying prayer that rises him from his grave, and turns him into a strigoi. He didn’t enter Zalmoxis kingdom, though; because he says his soul was in “the darkest pit”.

We don’t know if Orlok died because of a witch’s curse; but he was risen from the dead by one (enchantress, witch).

In Romanian folklore, it’s said when strigoi raise from their grave the first time, they return to those they have loved the most, because they wish to relive their life together. The strigoi usually torment them until they are dead, too. Which is what we see in “Nosferatu” with Orlok and Ellen. But this can only be possible if Orlok had known Ellen in his human life; with her being the reincarnation of his wife or lover/bride he didn’t get the chance to marry.

In Romanian folklore, it’s said strigoi come at night, and appear at the window of their loved ones, asking for entrance

The theme of the strigoi lover is also a staple of Romanian Romanticism and stories of women and men being visited by their dead lovers were very popular, both in folklore and in high culture.

“Your passion is bound to me. […] I cannot be sated without you. Remember how once we were? A moment. Remember?”

The use of the term "sated" in this context is also curious, because, in Archaic English (which is what Orlok uses, being from the 16th century), it's connected to the verb "sit", which means rest or lie. "I cannot rest without you"; which makes sense with their whole deal being about them together ever-eternally in death. He can’t find peace in death without her spirit by his side.

Who is Count Orlok?

Eggers’ Orlok isn’t a random demon vampire; he was once a man.

Robert Eggers doesn’t want us to know the full backstory on his Count Orlok, but he wrote a novella on it and gave it to Bill Skarsgård. We know he’s a 16th century Transylvanian nobleman, from the 1580s (“lord” and “lordship”), he’s not Vlad the Impaler (he’s from the 15th century), he was a voivode (warlord), a sorcerer (Şolomanari) and he was married, and had a family.

Bill Skarsgård cited the Bulgarian epic “Time of Violence” as one of Eggers’ many inspirations for Orlok backstory. And, indeed, he lived during the Ottoman rule of the Balkans, but he wasn’t the prince. His castle is in Transylvania, which was a state under Ottoman supervision. Transylvania nobility led many rebellions against the Ottomans invaders (hence the legend of “Vlad the Impaler”, who’s considered a Romanian national hero).

Orlok costume design (interesting his face is blurred, because he doesn’t look like a rotten corpse here)

In Bram Stoker’s novel (which is also one of the main inspirations for this film), Dracula is very proud of his boyar heritage when he speaks to Jonathan. In 2024 adaptation, we also see Orlok demanding Thomas Hutter (Jonathan cinematic counterpart) to address him as “lord”: “Your Lord. I will be addressed as the honour of my blood demands it.” A Romanian boyar is pretty much a “lord”, a feudal nobleman with a castle, administrative responsibilities (political) and/or military power. A “boyar” title could be hereditary (which seems to be Orlok’s case), or earned.

Orlok signet ring: with his own sigil. The gemstone appears to be rumanite, also known as “Romanian amber” (which comes in various shades of black, red and/or brown).

On his sarcophagus and on the mysterious cyrillic contract Orlok makes Thomas sign, we have Orlok’s coat of arms, and Robert Eggers, being obsessed with detail, crafts his worlds very carefully. “Coats of arms” is heraldic design, and were used by nobility.

Each “coat of arms” is unique to the individual (nobleman) and speaks of achievements, heritage, etc. “Coats of Arms” are traditionally composed by a shield, supporters, a crest and a motto, but might not have all of these elements. Orlok coat of arms doesn’t have a motto.

The crest is a crown. Which it’s probably connected with his noble lineage, and his role as sovereign of a county (count);

As supporters (holding the shield) we have two Dacian dragons (Draco) with their tails intertwined. Here, it’s a mix of dragon and wolf, a balaur (sky demon or “heavenly dragon”), and it’s connected to Zalmoxis. This dragon with a wolf head, was the Dacian battle flag. Orlok’s sarcophagus also has many Dacian wolfs. A historical note on the supporters; they were chosen by the nobleman and could change throughout his life, so these Dacian dracos were being used by Orlok at the time of his death, but he might not have used them all of his life;

The figures on the top, inside the shield, are a Dacian dragon with a sun or star; and a wolf with a crescent moon. Usually this star and crescent moon motif represent the Székelys, an ancient Hungarian sub-group (said to descend from the Huns), and with seats of power within Transylvania, on the hills of the Eastern Carpathian Mountains. Castle Orlok is located beyond the Árnyék Pass (also known as Umbră Pass) in the Carpathians, but this is a fictional place. Both “Árnyék” and “Umbră” mean “shadow”, in Hungarian and Romanian;

At the center, the shield is a Barry of eight fesse (horizontal stripes) or three bars, on the left (symbolic or military rank and recognition) and one tower on the right (symbolic or strength, protection, resilience of a stronghold, guarding its inhabitants from adversity and external threats);

1 Seven Rays (bottom, right), a star standing alone, probably a reference to his personal sigil (heptagram)?

3 sabers which seem to be Hungarian szabla (bottom; left). These swords were symbols of nobility and aristocracy (szlachta) The węgiersko-polska saber was popularized among the aristocracy during the reign of the Transylvanian-Hungarian King of Poland Stephen Bathóry in the late 16th century. Swords in heraldry are usually used as a symbol for military honor.

Now we are getting somewhere because Stephen Bathóry was Prince of Transylvania between 1576 and 1586, which fits the dates we have for Orlok: 1580s-1590s, late 16th century. The Báthory family ruled Transylvania as princes under the Ottomans until 1602.

We don’t know the dates for Orlok birth and death, but since Robert Eggers mentioned the 1580s and Lina Muir talked about the 1590s, I’m assuming these decades were important in his life, and he was already an adult. And he probably died somewhere in the 1590s since that’s the reference Lina Muir has for his costume design (which he was buried with): “Robert, right from the beginning, knew that he wanted his Orlok to be a representation of a Transylvanian count from around 1590.” In a interview to “Art of Costume”, the costume designer said:

“For Orlok, our research focused on the look of a Transylvanian-slash-Hungarian count from around 1580. He’s a character who was young and vital 300 years before the events of the film […] Even his enormous kalpak hat—a piece that would have been worn differently by a younger man—is now part of his strategy to hide the grotesque reality of being 300 years old.”

Robert Eggers also mentioned Hungary several times in association with his Orlok, because Transylvania was a Hungarian politically dominated principality. Orlok is also a count, the sovereign of a county, and the Székely had several autonomous seats within Transylvania; these were self-governing, with their own administrative system, and existed as legal entities. Their autonomy was granted in return for the military services they provided to the Hungarian Kings. Orlok also has a Hungarian royal army 16th century hairstyle, and military heraldry on his coat of arms, so he saw battle and/or military service.

Orlok being of Székelys lineage is also aligned with the “Dracula” novel, where Count Dracula shares the same ethnicity: “We Szekelys have a right to be proud, for in our veins flows the blood of many brave races who fought as the lion fights, for lordship. . . . What devil or what witch was ever so great as Attila [the Hun] whose blood is in these veins?” The Székelys are said to be only true Transylvanians, because they guarded the land's borders long before the Magyar invasion and Hungarian rule. Their allegiance was only to the sacred soil of Transylvania, no matter who holds temporary political dominion over them, which also makes sense as to why Orlok/Dracula, on vampire form, needs to rest on their soil during daytime.

Men could become sovereigns really young in the event of their fathers deaths. Sigismund Báthory (we’ll talk about him in a minute) became prince of Transylvania at the age of six. And it’s the same with weddings; we have several cases of marriages at 14, 15, 16, and so on, throughout History. No idea what’s Orlok case.

Being a Count, Orlok was probably a hereditary member of the Union of Three Nations? Founded in 1438, and composed by Hungarian, Székelys, and Saxon noblemen of Transylvania. Their function was to provide mutual aid against Ottoman attacks and peasant revolts, and were successful for centuries. As a Count, Orlok wasn’t low in the aristocratic hierarchy; he was just two ranks below the Prince (Marquis and Duke).

Bill Skarsgård citing the Bulgarian epic “Time of Violence” as one of Eggers’ many inspirations for Orlok backstory, might indicate he probably was involved in the religious turmoil of Protestants vs. Catholics in Transylvania in the late 16th century. In the 15th century many Romanian noblemen converted to Catholicism; and in the second half of the 16th century, Transylvanian authorities forced their people to convert to Calvinism.

In the late 1550s, Protestantism began to spread in Székely villages due to Hungarian-speaking preachers, who promoted the theology of John Calvin (Calvinism). While the majority of the population remained Catholic, some Calvinist settlements joined the new Unitarian Church of Transylvania. In 1566, priests who didn’t convert to the “true faith” were expelled from the country.

However, when Stephen Báthory took power in Transylvania in 1576, restrictions began to arise, and Orthodox hierarchy was restored. Székely peasants demanded for their freedom, but were refused. As retaliation, hundreds of Székelys joined his opponent, Gáspár Bekes, who was defeated in 1575. As consequence, more than 60 Székelys were executed or mutilated, and Báthory's supporters received Székely serfs (slaves).

When Stephen’s sucessor, Sigismund Báthory, a Catholic, came to power in 1586, he wasn’t well-liked by the Union of Three Nations representatives, which tried to undermine his authority on several times, with plotting and conspiracies. The “Long War” (1591-1606) started; it began as a Christian alliance against the Turks, and became a four-sided conflict in Transylvania involving the Transylvanians, Habsburgs, Ottomans and the Romanian voivod of Wallachia led by Michael the Brave.

In 1593, Sigismund abdicated, and tasked his cousin Balthasar Báthory with the government of Transylvania, and he tried to seized the throne for himself, but was stopped by other leading officers who set up an aristocratic council. The commanders of the army, persuaded Sigismund to return, and arrest Balthasar and fourteen other noblemen for plotting. They were either executed (beheaded) or strangled in prison. Only one was Protestant, the others Unitarian. Many of their relatives converted to Catholicism to prevent the confiscation of their estates. Which side was Orlok?

In 1595, the persecution of radical Protestants began, and hundreds fled Transylvania. In that year, Sigismund married Maria Christina of Austria but was unable to consummate the marriage. He accused Margit Majláth (mother of his executed cousin, Balthasar Báthory) of witchcraft, causing his impotence.

Sigismund promised to restore the Székelys' liberties if they took up arms against the Ottomans, and more than 20,000 Székelys joined the royal army. They helped win the Battle of Giurgiu. However, their decisive warrior role during the war was ignored, and they were not only denied their freedom, but, in 1595, their leaders were massacred in the “Bloody Carnival” by István Bocskai, the commander-in-chief of the Transylvanian army.

In 1599, Andrew Báthory becomes prince of Transylvania, but the most influential noblemen didn’t support him. His main supporters are noblemen forced into exile in 1594, but they were impoverished young men, without influence. However, Andrew choose Catholic lords over them. Meanwhile, Michael the Brave invades Transylvania and the Székelys become his allies. Andrew tries to flee the country, but is ambushed by Székelys slaves and beheaded with a shepherd's axe.

We’ve arrived at the end of the 16th century, and we don’t know if Orlok lived to see the 17th century because we have no indication of that, since Robert Eggers only talks about 1580s and 1590s. Whoever Orlok was in life, clearly left a lasting impression because there were legends about him, as Thomas was made aware once he arrived, and several locals warned him about Orlok’s shadow. He was also connected with the Devil by the Christian Orthodox nuns.

From the movie, it’s clear he’s remembered more because of his “magical powers” (sort of speak) than for his military accomplishments. Which is the same case as Bram Stoker’s Count Dracula. In “Nosferatu” (2024), it’s Ellen who awakes Orlok in the 19th century, with him being dead for centuries at that point. Still, there appear to be legends about him in Transylvania, all the same.

If Orlok was involved in the Catholics vs. Protestants conflicts in Transylvania in the late 16th century, like everything seems to suggest (“Time of Violence” inspiration and historical context), he certainly wasn’t on the Catholic side of the conflict. We don’t have any Christian religious iconography on his coat of arms or personal sigil; and he used both during his life. Protestantism defended a more personal and private relationship with religion, than the performative and grandeur of Catholicism. A Protestant facade would allow Orlok to pursue and practice his true religion without raising suspicion to his county. Still, rumors about it certainly spread during his lifetime, until they became legend.

Hypothesis #1

Now, if we go with Orlok being 55 years old at the time of his death; let’s do some math. Both Robert Eggers and Lina Muir have said he’s 300 years old during the events of the movie, which is set in 1838. If we do the math (1838 minus 300), the date of Orlok’s birth would be 1538. And if we add 55 years to this date, we arrive at 1593 as the date of his death. Which would mean he was probably among Balthasar Báthory supporters, and was arrested for treason and strangled in prison (he obviously wasn’t beheaded).

We also have a woman and accusations of witchcraft as retaliation for the death of these noblemen. Someone also commissioned Orlok’s sarcophagus, not only expensive-looking (fit for his ranking), but also filled with symbols and sigils of immortality and rebirth. Who had this sarcophagus made? Himself or someone from his family?

On his castle catacombs, there are more sarcophagus, which obviously belong to Orlok’s family, who’s also buried down there. He was also placed in a prestige location within the cryptic; someone respected his role as Count, which suggests someone either cared or respected him, in life. Unless he was the last one to die, and ordered for his sarcophagus to be placed there.

Did his wife, the Countess, survive him, and ordered his sarcophagus to be made? If so, she clearly wanted him to return to life. Maybe she was also involved in sorcery as he was. We also have countless examples of wives taking over their husbands estates/titles after their deaths (even as rulers of Transylvania). Maybe his wife was one of those who reluctantly converted to Catholicism in order to keep the family estate?

“I [was inspired by] a 15th-century sarcophagus from Poland. Orlok is Dacian so I started looking at Dacian dragons. Trajan's Column in Rome shows the battle of the Romans defeating the Dacians and you see their Dacian dragon, which has a wolf’s head, so I started adding wolves’ heads. The feet of the casket are actually Dacian dragons. We came up with a coat of arms for Orlok to put on and added Solomonic symbols. The idea is that the more you stack up the details, the more you’re creating the world.” Production designer Craig Lathrop

Now, we do have “strangling” associated with Orlok and Ellen, right in the prologue, when he reveals himself to her, under the lilac trees:

This is a horror movie, yes, but Robert Eggers is very intentional with his stories and he doesn’t do cheap jump scares. Why did Orlok do this to Ellen? Especially when he just asked her to be one with him ever-eternally. This act does have a meaning we aren’t aware of.

And his first words to her are “You”, and then he says “you wakened me from a eternity of darkness”, and he repeats “you… you”, and says she’s not for the living. This somehow suggest a recognition from his part. He knows not only what she is, but who she is.

Orlok also calls Ellen “enchantress”, and it was her sadness (grief? Heartbreak?) which powered her prayer. She did it unconsciously, and due to her supernatural abilities, but maybe her soul has tried to achieve this in the past? But didn’t succeed then?

Orlok’s “asmatic” speech can also indicate his vocal chords are damaged? Sure, he’s been dead for centuries and has to inhale and exhale in order to be able to speak, because he doesn’t need to breathe (obviously, he’s a walking corpse).

The flaw with this theory is that Orlok doesn’t seem to have neck injuries compatible with death by strangulation.

Hypothesis #2

Another likely option, is that Orlok might have died from the plague, the “Black Death”, during the second plague pandemic in Europe (1346-1844), which known several outbursts throughout these centuries. Which would explain why he returned as the “plague carrier” and his association with rats (since the Black Plague was believed to be caused by the fleas of certain rats).

The plague hit Transylvania particularly harshly during the 15th and 16th centuries, more deathly than before; especially between the years 1550 and 1587. The towns and villages in the Carpathians suffered deeply with the plague in 1553-1554, with countless deaths. Between 1552 and 1554, many aristocrats died, and some territories were even depopulated due to the plague.

The Catholics saw this outbreak as God punishment of His enemies, as divine justice against the heretics (Protestants). Protestants, on the other hand, refused the “plague” Catholic saints (like St. Sebastian) and saw hardship as a path to salvation but also as punishment for pride and other sins, advising against attachment to the “riches of the world”.

Being a Count, in the face of a plague epidemic, Orlok had to work alongside religious and medical authorities to deal with the situation. However, when epidemics got out of control, physicians (doctors) could have full power of decision over the people. Several restrictions to gatherings of every kind were made during this period. Burials on churchs were forbidden. Mentions of rotten corpses and maggots were popular in religious speech to force citizens to keep the plague graveyards clean, and avoid the spread of disease. In “Nosferatu” we have allusions to all of this and even the “Death and the Maiden” motif at the end of the film.

If we take 1538 as Orlok’s birth, these dates (between 1552 and 1554) can’t possibly be his dates of death because he would be a teenager during these years, between 14 and 16 years old. They can, however, be when he became Count? Maybe his father and/or mother also died from the plague? Or even his wife?

The plague epidemic could also be the reason why he became so interested in conquer immortality, tapping everywhere to achieve it: alchemy (“elixir of immortality” and “panacea” to cure all diseases), Zalmoxis cult, and Şolomonari magic. Him dying of the plague anyway would be one of those wicked ironies which would fit his character. His corpse certainly exhibits plague wounds, like the ones on his victims.

However, this would make Orlok younger than Robert Eggers claims he is; but Eggers being so secretive about Orlok background, he can also be concealing his true age, after all. Orlok dying during the Transylvania plague epidemics would make him 49 years old tops or even on his 30s, at the time of his death. Which would fit Lina Muir comments on his hat design being worn by younger men.

Hypothesis #3

If we go with the strigoi folklore, Orlok might have died with “unfinished business”, which is a staple of ghost legends everywhere in the world. The cause of his death, or even the date, is not exactly relevant here.

Connecting with Ellen being a reincarnation of his past lover; she might not have been his wife, at all. The majority of aristocratic weddings were motivated by politics. The wife Bill Skarsgård talks about, might have been chosen for political reasons, and alliances. She might have died, too, and Orlok wanted to remarry (which was the usual practice), this time for love. But, his bride died before the wedding, or he did.

This option would fit this story better, because Orlok and Knock talk about Ellen as “bride”. Even when asking Thomas about his “maiden token”, Orlok calls Ellen “your bride”. It would also give a deeper meaning as to why Ellen put on her wedding dress to marry Orlok at the end.

In this option, Orlok’s bride wasn’t buried next to him in his castle crypt, and death separated them. Which would explain why Orlok is so obsessed in pursuing Ellen’s soul and have her by his side for all eternity.

Şolomonari and Zalmoxis

Orlok sigil: an heptagram surrounded by a Draco ouroboros (death; rebirth; reincarnation); the letters are cyrillic for “Zalmoxis”; the center is the alchemist symbol for blood; the symbols appear to be Vinča; with archeological findings in Romania with these symbols being over 8,000 and 6,500 years old, and consider by many as the oldest form of human writing, but their meaning is still unknown. They are here either to show Orlok comes from an ancient bloodline; or he has known reincarnations throughout the ages?

Heptagrams are connected to the seven elements of Alchemy but aren’t represented like this. Heptagrams are also connected to divine feminine goddesses, like Babalon and Isis.

We also see Ellen’s beauty being compared to a sylph by Herr Knock (probably due to his own deal with Orlok), which makes her connection to the 16th century, because “sylphs” were created by Paracelsus, a Swiss alchemist, in 1566 (Orlok would be 28 years old when this book was released). Sylphs are beings of the air element, a sort of fairy or nymph.

The genetics of historical Vlad III, “The Impaler”, “Dracula” can be traced much farther back than the Szekelys and the Huns: he was descendent from the Dacian warriors. And this seems to be the same case with Eggers’ Orlok; or he developed a fascination with them. Aside from his sigil and coat of arms, the audience knows there’s a connection between Orlok and the Dacian civilization, because he speaks Dacian in the film (a language which was already extinct in the 16th century).

The Dacians were a Indo-European people from Ancient times (6th century) which inhabited modern-day Romania (as well as parts of the surrounding countries) and were eventually conquered by the Romans. Their cult was a deity called Zalmoxis, God of life and death, who granted eternal life and knowledge to the worthy, ensuring their place in the afterlife. Sacrifical rites and shamanism were practiced in his honor. Zalmoxis was considered a prophet, represented as a handsome man, a priest who controls the forces of nature, with power over wild animals.

Zalmoxis is kind of a mysterious figure, he’s a man who became a God to his people, and in some legends he was a king, in others a slave of the Greeks who freed himself, while in others he’s the high priest of the actual God of the Dacian people. He’s often compared to Jesus Christ because he, too, was resurrected after being three years underground. According to Herodotus, Zalmoxis learned the secrets of immortality when he traveled to Egypt: we already have a link here with Ellen, because she was compared to a “priestess of Isis” (Isis, the Queen of the Underworld).

Ancient greek historian Herodotus wrote about several Dacian legends and rituals; as the priests of Zalmoxis who kept the secret of incantations that could make human beings immortal, and the ritual practice of wrapping a young man who wished to become a warrior in the skin of a wolf (some men were said to be able to change themselves each year for several days into the form of a wolf). There are some theories among historians that hallucinogenic mushrooms were used in the wolf-pelt ceremony, allowing the men to experience a complete psychological transformation into wolves.

Dacian warrior

Once psychologically transformed into a wolf and thereby initiated into the Brotherhood of the Wolf, the Dacian warrior would enter fearlessly and ferociously into battle under the banner of the Draco, the wolf-dragon. This appeared to be Orlok’s case because he has the Draco on his coat of arms, which he would wear in battle.

Draco: the Dacian battle flag; Brad (Romania)

We are told this book is Şolomonari by Von Franz, and obviously belonged to Orlok, and it was in Herr Knock’s office:

However the language it is written is Latin-based, so I’m guessing it’s Dacian (instead of the cyrillic Orlok used before in written material). My mother language is Latin-based, I can understand some of the Dacian spoke by Orlok, and I’m recognizing some words here, too. This book is probably from a Zalmoxis cult, which isn’t surprising because this leads us to another question: scholars in recent years have been disputing long-lasting ideas about who the folkloric Şolomonari truly were, which seems to be the approach Robert Eggers is taking with his adaptation of “Nosferatu”.

In the “Dracula” novel, Van Helsing says Dracula attended the school Scholomance. In Romanian folklore, it’s located in the Carpathian mountains where the Devil was the lead instructor of 10 or 13 students. One of each class was either kept by the Devil or given permission to ride a dragon. In “Nosferatu”, the old abbess tells Thomas, Orlok was selected to have his soul kept by the Devil, and, possibly, cursed to vampirism as a result: “A black enchanter he was in life. Şolomonari. The Devil preserved his soul that his corpse may walk again in blaspheme.”

Xenoarcheologist Jason Colavito is one of the pioneers of these kind of studies, exploring science, pseudoscience and speculative fiction, and has done research on the Scholomance and the Şolomonari. He made the connection between Dacian priest-shamans and the folkloric Şolomonari (named after King Solomon and alchemy) and how they were perceived as benevolent forces until the Christians defamed them as “devil worshippers”. This association between Paganism and the Devil wasn’t exclusive to Romania, it happened throughout Europe when European kings and leaders converted to Christianity and forced their populations to forsake their old Pagan beliefs.

The Devil’s School of Scholomance is, then, a distortion of Dacian Pagan beliefs; where Zalmoxis had a underground chamber, a great hall, where he taught the secrets of immortality, and of life and death to his followers. In “Nosferatu”, it’s the Orthodox nuns who first make the association between Orlok, the Şolomonari, and the Devil; and then the alchemist Von Franz does the same. But none of these characters have first-hand knowledge of what the Şolomonari truly are, and Von Franz admits he never encountered a Nosferatu before. And, indeed, there’s no “satanic” symbols on Orlok’s sigil and coat of arms. He’s Pagan, a follower of Zalmoxis.

The question here is: how did Orlok had access to this knowledge? Was there an actual “school” or a Zalmoxis cult in the 16th century, in this story?

#nosferatu 2024 #count Orlok 2024 #Ellen Hutter 2024 #Robert Eggers #bill skargard #bill skarsgård #count Orlok 2024 backstory #Nosferatu 2024 analysis #Transylvanian history #transylvania #Dacian mythology #Zalmoxis myth #strigoi #romanian folklore #ellen x orlok #orlok x ellen

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dioslesbianwife · 30 days ago

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Could you write some headcannons about stardust crusaders x fem!reader that has been living in an abusive environment but nevertheless has a healing/calming stand and is the nicest person imaginable?

I LOVE your works

❣️

mhm, thank you for requesting and i hope you enjoy <33333 and im so happy u love my works!! tyyy

Jotaro Kujo

At first, Jotaro doesn't know about your home life. You always smile, you always help, and your Stand, soft glowing hands that radiate warmth and dull pain, soothes everyone around you.

You even calm him without trying. His anger, his stress, the weight of responsibility, it melts away when you're near.

He notices the bruises before you ever say anything. “Tell me the truth,” he says one night, voice low and unreadable. And when you finally whisper it, everything, you expect him to look at you differently.

He doesn’t. He doesn’t flinch. Doesn’t pity you. But his eyes darken with a cold anger you’ve never seen.

“You’re never going back there,” he says simply.

Jotaro becomes your silent guardian. He’s not great with words, but he’ll always reach for your hand when you look far away. He doesn’t ask for healing, he just wants you to feel safe.

Joseph Joestar

Joseph is furious when he finds out about your past. Not in a yelling way, but in a heartbroken way.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?!” he demands, voice cracking. “You’ve been carrying this all alone?”

He admires you more than words can express. The fact that someone who’s been through that can still be so kind, can still smile for others? To him, that’s strength greater than any Stand.

Joseph’s love is loud and obvious, he praises you constantly, cracks jokes just to see you laugh, and spoils you a bit.

Your Stand fascinates him. “You’re like an angel,” he’ll say, watching it glow. “A real miracle worker.”

But if anyone from your past ever came near you again? Joseph would break his own moral code. And that says everything.

Polnareff

Polnareff cries when you open up about your past. Literally. No shame, no holding back.

“You didn’t deserve any of that,” he says, hugging you tightly, “no one deserves that.”

He treats you like you’re made of gold, not because he thinks you’re fragile, but because he believes you’re sacred.

He brags about your Stand to strangers like a proud boyfriend. “She healed a whole burn last week, and still smiled like it was nothing! This girl’s a goddess!”

But he watches you closely. He can tell when you're faking your smile. Those are the days he holds your hand a little tighter.

You’re the light of his life, and he’ll never let anyone dim it again. Ever.

Avdol

Avdol is incredibly perceptive. He knew something was wrong long before you said anything.

“There’s a sadness behind your eyes,” he tells you one evening. “You do not have to carry it alone.”

When you finally tell him everything, he listens with silent reverence, never interrupting.

Avdol treats your Stand like a divine gift. He often meditates with you nearby, saying your presence brings peace like no other.

He helps you unlearn the fear of being a burden. Teaches you that your worth isn’t tied to how much you give.

“Let me protect you, as you have healed so many.” That’s his vow.

Kakyoin

Kakyoin immediately recognizes the signs of abuse.

You always say you’re okay. You’re always the one who helps, never asks. He sees the way your hands tremble when you think no one is looking.

He doesn’t push you. He just sits beside you more often, shares little parts of himself, opens up, until one night, you break down in his arms.

Kakyoin is gentle rage. His anger is quiet, cold, and calculated. He doesn’t yell, but he will end anyone who hurt you.

You inspire him. He thinks you’re the strongest person he’s ever met. “You have every right to hate the world,” he whispers one night. “But you chose to love it anyway.”

You and your Stand become his peace. He sleeps better when you're around, breathes easier when you touch his shoulder.

He never wants you to feel alone again.

#jojo's bizarre adventure #kakyoin x reader #noriaki kakyoin #jotaro kujo x reader #jotaro kujo #joseph joestar x reader #joseph joestar #jean pierre polnareff #polnareff x reader #avdol x reader #muhammad avdol

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spiribia · 4 months ago

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I think if they adapted son of a witch into a musical it would have to be like because Elphaba and Fiyero don’t want their infant son to live a life on the run they leave him at an orphanage at the chapel of saint Glinda. The nuns discover his baby self in a basket at the front step swaddled in a big black cape with no other evidence on his parentage and only his name, Liir. One of the nuns swears up and down she saw a pointed hat and a broomstick through the window the night he was found. While this is largely dismissed, since the wicked witch of the west is known to be dead, the rumor that liir’s mother is the witch follows him through childhood, to his humiliation. To prove he is an upstanding citizen of Oz, he joins the palace guard under captain cherrystone, who boasts about how the acting head of oz, Glinda the good, has no idea what the powers under her are up to, and that something big is brewing, something that will turn the tide. Liir is assigned to guard during one of Glinda’s speeches and is surprised when a heckler in the crowd suggests that Glindas sympathies toward Animals are indication she hasn’t shaken off the malign influence of the company she used to keep. Glinda gets notably flustered and excuses herself shortly after. Liir asks one of his soldier peers what that was about and they’re like You didn’t know? Glinda used to be friends with the wicked witch of the bloody west.

Liir goes to Glinda’s estate seeking answers and is repeatedly denied entrance until he picks up a random broom and claims it’s Elphaba’s. Glinda demands to see him, but for fear of being wicked he admits honestly that it’s not her broom and that he has no evidence of any tie to her. Glinda recognizes his cape - which he was swaddled in as a baby - as Elphaba’s cape. Liir is relieved to hear from Glinda that Elphaba is dead and had no children - this is what he wanted to hear - but is dismayed when Glinda becomes convinced that he is Elphaba’s son and that this means Elphaba is alive. She passes the Grimmerie on to him and is thrilled that he can read it, pushing him to try to cast a flight spell on his regular broom. He can’t do it, and goes oh boo, sad, I must not have the gift after all, well anyway, I’m going to go. But Glinda postulates that he just doesn’t know how to cast a spell in general yet - unlike Elphaba, he’s had no practice at all.

There’s a song montage where Glinda teaches Liir about spells. There’s a point where she does a little melody riff from Popular as a wistful inside joke to herself. She tells him things about Elphaba that make Liir take on a new perspective of her. Eventually, when he successfully enchants the broom to fly, he remarks that the spell training worked, but Glinda disagrees and says it’s only that he overcame the limits of his own heart. She’s a bit of a sham at spells herself anyway to be honest. Then he

#talks #wicked posting #WHO WROTE ALLL THIS

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gibberishfangirl · 11 months ago

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WIND BREAKER | dating the gamer girl who’s also a streamer

Synopsis ✰ head cannons about how the boys react to finding out that your a well-known twitch streamer

Characters ✰ Haruka Sakura, Hajime Umemiya, Hayato Suo, Akihiko Nirei, Jo Togame, Choji Tomiyama

Contains ✰ sfw!, innocent content of the boys being supportive and shocked boyfriends

★ this is heavily inspired by my gamer girlfriend post consider this the sequel★

Haruka Sakura ᡣ𐭩

✧₊⁺ he has no idea what twitch is or what being a streamer even means

✧₊⁺ he only finds out because you got recognized in public by a very hyper/excited fan

✧₊⁺ almost sucker punches tf out of your fan because he thinks it’s some person trying to harass you

✧₊⁺ you have to hold him back

✧₊⁺ “wait wait, i’m sorry! i came off too strong, i just really love your streams!” the fan apologizes after Sakura completely got the wrong idea

✧₊⁺ “what videos? what’s a stream?”

✧₊⁺ you gave him a brief explanation and left it at that, you were very shy about your streaming career

✧₊⁺ detective sakura mode unlocked!

✧₊⁺ he’s very surprised to see that you have roughly around 50k followers from only uploading minecraft content

✧₊⁺ you stream hardcore minecraft challenges along with building tutorials which your fans love

✧₊⁺ he creates a secret account where he argues with all your haters

✧₊⁺ “you’re builds aren’t even cute” “your face isn’t cute, i wouldn’t talk if i were you”

✧₊⁺ you secretly knew the account was his but found it cute that he was so protective by your media presence

✧₊⁺ watches your streams in secret whenever he has the chance at school

✧₊⁺ “what are you doing on your phone Sakura?” “nothing! don’t worry about it, shut up.”

Hajime Umemiya ᡣ𐭩

✧₊⁺ gets extremely over protective when he finds out

✧₊⁺ he doesn’t like your fanboys

✧₊⁺ he cringes whenever you get comments like “can you be my mercy pocket?” “i can carry you”

✧₊⁺ he will respond back by saying “she doesn’t need to get carried by a bronze”

✧₊⁺ he only found your account by accident when he downloaded twitch

✧₊⁺ he’s a little sad you didn’t tell him

✧₊⁺ “why would you hide it from me?” “i wasn’t hiding it, i was just embarrassed”

✧₊⁺ he doesn’t mind whenever some fans come up to you in public

✧₊⁺ he does mind when it’s some weird guy, although they never come up to you since his presence alone scared them off

✧₊⁺ he’s very proud of your accomplishments

✧₊⁺ always congratulates you when you reach a new milestone

✧₊⁺ he becomes one of your twitch mods and blocks every weirdo account whenever he has the chance to watch your streams

✧₊⁺ he never misses one of your competitive streams

✧₊⁺ you participate in some tournaments and he’s literally your biggest hype man

✧₊⁺ “don’t be nervous, you’ll totally win.”

✧₊⁺ has the biggest smile on his face whenever you do win

✧₊⁺ he’s highkey your biggest fan boy and supporter

Hayato Suo ᡣ𐭩

✧₊⁺ you’re super embarrassed of your streaming career since you have about 5k followers that just love your aesthetic animal crossing content

✧₊⁺ who knew animal crossing would be such a hit for streaming content

✧₊⁺ you’re also a youtuber and you post some mini tutorials on how to create aesthetic shaped ponds

✧₊⁺ he only found out because someone else came to up to you in public in front of him

✧₊⁺ he was geeking the whole time watching you be so nice to a supporter

✧₊⁺ you made him promise he wont watch your streams

✧₊⁺ he keeps that promise but that doesn’t stop him from watching your youtube videos

✧₊⁺ to be fair, you did only say streams and didn’t mention youtube

✧₊⁺ he’s in awe by the cute and nice way you interact with your chat

✧₊⁺ he falls asleep listening to your voice during some of the tutorials

✧₊⁺ doesn’t like your haters

✧₊⁺ he gets annoyed whenever he sees a comment saying “animal crossing isn’t that fun, play a new game”

✧₊⁺ he gets the urge to want to argue back but respects your wishes and doesn’t

✧₊⁺ he does watch some your streaming clips if they get uploaded onto a different platform

Akihiko Nirei ᡣ𐭩

✧₊⁺ please you’re kidding yourself if you think he doesn’t know

✧₊⁺ have you met him? he knows everything

✧₊⁺ he found out from the first moment he met you

✧₊⁺ he asked about you along with googling you and found out that you were streamer

✧₊⁺ finds the way you laugh and talk to an online audience with ease to be enchanting

✧₊⁺ he’s incredibly impressed by your ability to be so likeable even through a screen

✧₊⁺ he’s mainly surprised that you don’t stream the sims since that’s a game you two always play together

✧₊⁺ he asks you about it and you explained how it’s just because the sims is a comfort game to you that you rather not “exploit” for views

✧₊⁺ you’re a multi game player so you stream different content and gameplays on a regular basis

✧₊⁺ he’s impressed to see that you’re good at fps games and different styles of games

✧₊⁺ you’re not really shy about your streaming profile

✧₊⁺ you answer any questions he asks while he jots down whatever you said into his note book

✧₊⁺ what he scribbles into his notebook: “my girlfriend is so cool.”

✧₊⁺ you don’t mind if he watches some of your streams which he does

✧₊⁺ he’s an internal fanboy but hides it from you because he doesn’t want to come off as geeky

✧₊⁺ he didn’t watch your streams until you gave him permission and let him know you’re 100% okay with it

Jo Togame ᡣ𐭩

✧₊⁺ you told him shortly after the two of you started gaming together

✧₊⁺ he thinks it’s a little funny (in a harmless way) that your a fortnite streamer in general

✧₊⁺ finds your 1v1 streams to be very impressive

✧₊⁺ he loves how happy gaming and streaming makes you

✧₊⁺ gets violent if anyone ever dares or tries to make a joke about you streaming or your gaming

✧₊⁺ he has smacked the back of the Choji’s head after Choji called you a fortnite try-hard loser

✧₊⁺ thinks it’s funny when you openly humble other players who think they’re better than you

✧₊⁺ you don’t do face cam which he’s grateful for since he wants you all for himself

✧₊⁺ it’s game over for him once you do the face reveal post

✧₊⁺ he secretly and silently sulks in a corner after seeing how many online men tried to get at you

✧₊⁺ he uses it as motivation to get better at fortnite (LMAOO you can’t tell me he wouldnt)

✧₊⁺ his logic is that if he’s simply better than every other guy trying to talk you up he’s won

✧₊⁺ despite his little jealousy episodes he’s very confident and secure in your relationship

✧₊⁺ he knows you’d never leave him for some loser in a twitch chat

✧₊⁺ he makes small guest star appearances in your streams

✧₊⁺ your female side audience love him (maybe a little too much sometimes)

Choji Tomiyama ᡣ𐭩

✧₊⁺ he was already impressed by your gaming skills in general, he’s even more impressed by your streaming content

✧₊⁺ yeah he saw you play in person but seeing a full screen gameplay from your perspective was mesmerizing to him

✧₊⁺ he loved to tune into your content

✧₊⁺ he would also argue with your haters online

✧₊⁺ he especially argued with the sexist comments

✧₊⁺ he 100% got more mad than you did when it came to guys in the comments/chat shit talking you for being a girl

✧₊⁺ “who cares if you’re a girl, they’re just mad you’d still kick their ass.”

✧₊⁺ “wtv man, keep yapping. she’ll definitely smoke you in a 1v1”

✧₊⁺ he’ll leave hate comments on every guys posts who have ever insulted you

✧₊⁺ be glad he happens to also have hands in person to back up what his mouth runs

✧₊⁺ he fully supports your choices

✧₊⁺ you actually started streaming after you two started dating

✧₊⁺ he was the one who talked you into uploading your content and to start live streaming it

#divider by v6que #sakura haruka #sakura haruka x reader #hajime umemiya #hajime umemiya x reader #hayato suo #suo hayato x reader #nirei akihiko #nirei akihiko x reader #jo togame #jo togame x reader #choji tomiyama #choji tomiyama x reader #wind breaker #wind breaker x reader

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aheathen-conceivably · 29 days ago

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Previously on The Darlingtons...

We opened with Zelda fretting over her choice to contact Alexander Barnes, a librarian who she met weeks prior driving a book truck. In the hopes that his offer to speak was about a job, she was paralyzed with feelings of inadequacy and fear.

Coupled with this is the fact that her husband Antoine has spent weeks on the road as a touring musician, leaving her with no outlet to discuss these worries. All of this is only heightened by the insomnia that Zelda has struggled with all her life, culminating in a dream of her family’s former home in England. The abandoned hallways mirror her desires to be a librarian, but also awaken memories and fears that she’s losing the parts of herself that tie her to her past.

When Antoine returns home early from the road, Zelda at first mistakes him as a figment of her sleep-deprived dream. Only after awaking the next morning does she realize he’s actually there. At first, she doubts telling him about her worries or even Alexander at all; but after realizing that her fears are unfounded she tells him about the booktruck and lists the reasons why she’s avoided going to speak to him thus far.

Antoine answers every one, encouraging her to speak to Alexander without hesitation. His response highlights just how much Zelda relies on him to quiet her internal fears and not only ground herself in chasing what she wants, but even her own reality too.

Buoyed by Antoine’s encouragement, Zelda goes to meet with Alexander at Strangerville town hall. Although at first he doesn’t recognize her, as soon as he does he’s quick to answer all of her questions and discuss the details of his job. Throughout their conversation he’s touched by how much she cares about the books and can sense how similar they are.

When she asks where he’s going next, he tells her that he’s currently working on a grant for the Works Progress Administration, a federal agency tasked with building public works throughout the country. He promises to write to her with the outcome of his proposal, hopeful that if it’s accepted he will need a team to help open the new library.

While Zelda waits for word regarding Alexander’s grant, Antoine receives a letter from his former employer and friend asking him to visit his ranch. Upon doing so, Antoine learns that Abe found a purebred racing horse and intends to sell it in an effort to stabilize his financial status. He had contacted Antoine because another one of his horses has become bonded to the young foal, and previously Antoine was the only person capable of keeping the elder horse calm.

In response, Antoine offers to buy not only the foal, but the elder horse as well. Initially shocked, Abe rebuffs him, but through Antoine’s surety in his offer we can see that he is not only now making substantial money on tour, but also has a lingering sadness about parting with his family for extended periods of time.

Antoine gifts the foal to his daughter Violette, who names the young horse Ozma after the princess of Oz. She, Antoine, Zelda as well as Giorgio and Josephine spend the day chasing after the new foal and enjoying one another's company. Gio and Jo are especially happy and carefree after what seems like years of difficulty finding stability.

Zelda notices their joy, and when Antoine asks her about Alexander's grant proposal, she points to them and says that she won't take the job. She's convinced herself that if she does, she will ruin the tenuous peace and normalcy that has finally settled over their lives, especially given how precious it feels now that Antoine and Jo are on the road most of the time. Antoine once again talks her out of her fears, pointing out that she can't make choices for everyone else's happiness her whole life. Yet even with Violette's joy and his words of encouragement, Zelda can't help but notice the irony of his advice when most of her choices feel like they've been made for his happiness rather than her own.

The next morning Zelda meets Giorgio in the cornfield where they've worked together for almost half a decade. After a series of ever-dwindling harvests, the crops appear to be reverting to the infertile, dying state that they were in when Zelda had arrived years before. Dragged down by guilt and an unexpected bond that she's formed with Gio, Zelda struggles to tell him that she's taking a job with Alexander and won't be working with him on the farm anymore.

But even as the final tendrils of his hope are being shredded in front of him, Giorgio quells his fears and encourages Zelda so that when she won't feel guilty as she walks away. Only once she's gone does he let his smile fall as he looks around at the dying crops, their wilting leaves painfully symbolizing the hope that he had for the land when he moved to Strangerville. While everyone else seems to be moving on around him, he clings to what little is left in the soil. Part of it is hope, but much of it is just desperation as he begins to realize he has bet his money and his soul on the gilded trappings of the American dream.

When Giorgio walks in from the field, he finds Jo in their bedroom packing for another tour. She's dancing amidst her clothes, having fully convinced herself that as long as she continues living exactly like this, she can ignore the raging restlessness in her soul. Whatever truth there may have been to her conviction is shattered when Gio's panic morphs into anger, attacking the mess at Jo’s feet in a desperate plea to try and gain some emotional footing.

What follows is a long and desperate fight between them as the pain and resentment they've harbored toward each other for years bubbles to the surface. As they both reach a point of exhaustion, there's a moment where Giorgio admits to Jo why he attacked her, and he actually attempts to be vulnerable with her. While Jo initially tries to comfort him the best she knows how, her tone immediately shifts when he says that he wants one more year to try and turn the farm around. In that split second, Jo realizes that his weakness actually presents an opportunity for her, and in the guise of helping him while simply protecting herself, she offers him a loan in return for majority ownership in the farm.

Livid, Gio initially rebukes her. But just as quickly, they spiral back into an argument and fall into the toxic pattern that they've shared for years. Rather than settle their dispute or even process what happened, they resolve it without mending anything at all and adding yet another wound to the many already bleeding between them.

Soon after, Josephine returns to Valcita's house to borrow her car. After a charged moment between them months before, they had both treated each other distantly, with Jo simply choosing not to think about Val at all, and Val adopting a purposefully cold demeanor toward Jo. When Jo arrives that day, Val's reaction is the same - impatient and slightly condescending. Only fresh off of her argument with Gio, Jo is vulnerable, longing for some sort of connection with Val simply because she feels like she’s more like her than anyone else in her life.

But from the moment she steps foot in Val's house, Jo's attempts to control herself begin to crumble. In her typical fashion, she pushes these growing feelings aside, following Val into the kitchen for a drink. Over the next few hours, Jo learns more about who Val is. Perhaps even more dangerously, she begins thinking about what her life with Val would look like; because for every step she takes inside the house, she wants to push the door open a little more, seeing just how far she can toe the line before she gets burned.

As she walks away Jo asks Val to keep the bottle of whiskey for her, signifying that unlike the last time she left her house, she has no intention on shutting Val out of her mind again.

#it’s another episode of #Darlington recaps #and you know what that means 😈#1936 is on our doorstep #and she and I are feeling impatient #sims 4 historical #ts4 historical #ts4 decades challenge #sims 4 decades challenge #sims 4 legacy #ts4 legacy #sims 4 story #ts4 story

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whatsk-poppinhomies · 1 year ago

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Pairing : Lee Felix x F!Reader TW : very angsty ; fluffy in the beginning just to break everyone's hearts a little bit more ; death of a family member ; famous nana cliffhanger ; Word Count : 5.2k Request : @lovesunshinefelix : Write more angst 😵‍💫 GIVE ME THE ANGST 😭🧎‍♀️ A/N : Of course! Anything for you bestie!! This one might be a little bit self indulgent just slightly, but it's definitely gonna be sad. I love making angsty Felix fics!

“One iced americano, please.”

“Okay, and what’s the name for the order?”

“Lee Felix.”

“Mmn… It should be done in just a moment.”

“Thank you.”

Such a short interaction, but that’s how it all began. You were simply the barista at the coffee shop next door to the office, but in a matter of seconds, you had become so much more to him. Your sweet smile and the fairy lights that twinkled in your eyes as you looked at him. He was absolutely enamored by you.

The craziest part was that he didn’t even like coffee that much, he had just been craving the taste of the drink. Is that why it felt all the more serious to him? Like it had been fate that brought him to you in the first place, but now it was you that kept bringing him back.

“One iced americano, please.”

“The name for the order?”

“It’s Lee Felix.”

“Alrighty, it should be done soon.”

“I’ll wait here.”

He wondered if you’d remember him if he came in every day. Would you remember his order or his name? Would you remember the way he’d smile at you whenever you spoke? Would you remember anything about him, or was he just another customer that you probably forgot about once the work day was done?

He wanted it to be like that, he wanted to be a customer that you looked forward to seeing. He wanted your head to lift with every ring of the bell when the shop door would open. He wanted you to wait for his appearance, to see you smile when he finally came in. He wanted you to recognize him.

“One iced-“

“Americano? Is it for a Lee Felix?”

“Hm… Maybe I should switch up my order?”

“It’s almost been two weeks, I can’t imagine having an iced americano every single day for that long.”

“Well, what would you recommend?”

“I’m not sure… I don’t really drink coffee.”

“That’s ironic. You don’t drink anything here?”

“Does the free water count?”

“I’ll take a free water then.”

It was the first time he had actually talked to you, but it was also the first time you had said his name in any way other than letting him know that his order was done, it was the first time that you had said his order without his having to really say anything at all. It was the proof that he needed to know that he was on the right track, he just had to keep going.

You had laughed that day too, not one of those fake laughs that he had heard you give the other guys that would try to flirt with you… It was a genuine laugh, the sound so beautiful that it was on a constant loop in his head for the rest of the day. He couldn’t get you off of his mind, but he didn’t want to rush things. Even if he felt that things were going perfectly, he wanted you to feel the same way.

“Two free waters and a croffle, please.”

“Really changing it up now, are we? Are you bringing a date?”

“Ah… Not exactly…”

“Good, because I don’t think a woman would be very impressed with free water for a drink.”

“But the woman doesn’t drink anything on the menu. I’m really going out on a limb here with the croffle.”

“You can never go wrong with a croffle, they’re delicious. Why would you invite this woman to the coffee shop if you know she doesn’t like anything on the menu though?”

“Because this is the only place I get to see her, and I’m too shy to ask her for her number, so I just wanted to see if she wanted to have some free water and share a croffle with me.”

“Oh… Is she here already?”

“I’m looking at her…”

He could remember vividly the way you froze, the way it felt when his stomach began its descent, thinking that you would turn him down. It took you so long to say anything, he wondered if he had completely blown it by being so forward. He had never been so nervous in his life, but then that smile appeared on your face and you let out the most beautiful laugh, the sound tinged with a certain shyness that he had never read from you before. Did he make you as shy as you made him?

Sitting across the table from you, he could feel it, you were meant for him and he was meant for you. He was a perfect mix of so many emotions, nervousness, shyness, happiness, he was everything balled up into one, but it made him feel alive. It was like he was standing on stage and performing for all of STAY, except there was no setlist, there was no particular script or order that he had to follow… And it was only your eyes on him… But it was just as amazing, if not more, because you were looking at him and only him, and you were there with just him. He was all yours, and you were all his.

///

“If you could have your wedding anywhere in the world, where would it be?” He asked as you both laid on the blanket beneath the cherry blossom trees that were in full bloom. It was beautiful, the perfect spot for a date, although most people would say that he didn’t have to try as hard now that it’s been 5 months since the two of you have been together. He didn’t believe them though, because every single time he took you somewhere new, somewhere more beautiful than the last, your eyes would light up and that adorable smile would stretch across your face, and he’d question why he would give that up.

You hummed in thought, and he wondered what your mind looked like right now. Were images of your dream wedding playing out behind your closed eyes? Was he the one standing across from you in those thoughts, dressed in a suit, tears in his eyes as he watched the woman of his dreams walk down the aisle to meet him at the end? “I think… Hmm… Well, I don’t really mind much, actually. As long as I’m there with the person that I love, that I want to spend the rest of my life with… The place doesn’t matter much at all.” How could you be so amazing? He asked himself that every single day. “What about you? Where would your dream wedding be?”

He hummed softly, rolling over onto his side and propping himself up on his elbow, staring down at you with the most loving eyes. He knew for a fact that he had never loved someone as much as he loves you, and it was only bound to get stronger. “I’m sure that a lot of people would think that I’d want to get married on the beach somewhere in Australia since that’s where I’m from… But I feel like the beach is rather cliche, it gets done too much.”

“I like the beach…” You murmured, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, your fingers lingering against his cheek. “I think it would make for some beautiful pictures, don’t you?” He hadn’t exactly thought about it that way, but now that he heard your input, it was like his entire view had been changed.

“The beach it’ll be then.” He said quite enthusiastically, his cheeks still flushed from where you had touched him. You just had the ability to send fire coursing through his veins and he loved the feeling of it, the warmth that it brought.

You giggled softly, rolling your eyes at the sudden switch up. “What’s with the serious questions all of a sudden? Do you plan on getting married some time soon? You have to invite me to the wedding.” You joked, and he stuck his tongue out at you before dipping down and pressing his lips to yours.

“The only wedding I want is the one where you’re meeting me at the end of the aisle.” He said much softer now, even his breaths were so quiet it was almost like he wasn’t breathing at all. “We have time though… I just wanted a general idea of what you’d want.”

“Felix…” His name was like a breath from your lips, so gentle, so light that the winds that shook the blossoms off the trees would be able to pick it up and carry it away.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to think too hard about it just now. I’ll make sure everything is perfect for you when the day comes.”

“You’re crazy…” You murmured, and maybe he was. Maybe he was out of his damn mind to be planning a wedding with a girl that he had met at a coffee shop only five months ago. But to him it felt right, it felt like the only thing to do. He knew that all he wanted was you anyway, and he didn’t want to hide the way he felt for you. He wanted you to know that you were the only person he ever wanted in his life.

“Mm… Maybe… You smell like coffee beans…” He teased, nuzzling his nose into the crook of your neck and taking a deep breath. “Is that… French Roast? Maybe… with a hint of vanilla?”

You squealed, playfully pushing against his shoulders as you tried to squirm free. “Stop it! You’re the one who didn’t want to wait for me to go home and change when I got off!” You defended, but he thought it was so damn adorable.

“I just like to see you, I didn’t want to wait!” He jokingly whined, dropping on top of you completely, his face still hidden, his lips brushing against your skin as he spoke. “You smell amazing, absolutely delicious, my coffee queen.”

///

“Would you rather have your body and Bbokaris head, or the other way around?” You asked one night as you sat beside him on the couch. The question was most likely nothing more than a joke, but he wanted you to know that he listened to and thought about everything that you said, so he paused the movie that was playing on the tv and turned his body entirely toward you.

“Would you still love me regardless of what my answer is?” He quizzed, his eyes searching deeply into yours for the answer, and you nodded your head so firmly that he knew you weren’t lying. You’d love him no matter what, and he would love you just the same. “I think I’d rather have his head, I don’t want to be any shorter… Or… Am I just a regular sized version of Bbokari? Is he me sized or am I him sized?”

You snorted at the questions, your laughter still his most favorite sound in the entire world. He made a goal to make you laugh at least twice a day, if not more. “It would be the size of your skzoo plushy. It would be so cute though, wouldn’t it?! I could just carry you around with me everywhere I go! I’d never have to miss you!”

Even though you were still giggling, your words made his heart flutter. Did you miss him when he wasn’t around? Did your heart ache like his whenever there was distance between the two of you? He always tried not to be too clingy. “You never have to miss me now, just text me and I’ll come to you always.” He draped his arm over your shoulder, tugging you closer to his side as he pressed a small kiss to your temple.

“You have so much work to do, I don’t like bothering you. I would never call you away from practice or recording just to see you… Even if I want to.” You looked up at him, your smile pushing your cheeks up and squinting your eyes. Your eyes… He wanted to get lost in them for hours and hours, he wanted to live in them just for a moment, to see the world the way you do. What made you angry? What made you sad? He’s been with you for seven months now and he’s never seen you anything but happy. Was it because you were with him? Did he make all of your fears, your worries, your anger… Did he make it disappear?

“I think even if I had Bbokari body I’d be in practice… Can you imagine?” Your head fell back once more as your laughter filled the room, he never wanted to stop hearing it. “Wait… Would my head shrink too, or would my head stay normal sized? I have so many questions!”

You were laughing even harder now, wheezing even as you breathlessly tried to talk through fits of giggles. “Your normal head… Definitely… It would be so top heavy on the tiny body… Oh my gosh… Just picturing it… The Maniac move… With the…” You couldn’t even finish the sentence, bursting into a new fit of laughter, and now his mind was filled with the same image, and you both were laughing.

It was nice to have someone to just laugh with, to goof around with. He felt so normal with you, he could have fun, he could be truly happy when you were beside him. That’s why he couldn’t let you go, why he kept thinking to a time somewhere in the future where you and him would both be on the beach in Australia, surrounded by your families and your friends, and he’d slip a ring onto your finger and promise himself to you for the rest of forever.

///

“When was the last time I told you I loved you?” Felix asked over the phone, trying not to speak too loud. Sharing a hotel room wasn’t exactly hard, but he tried to be as respectful as possible to the guys who were trying to sleep while also trying to talk to you as much as he could. Time zones were always a pain in the ass, but they’re even worse now considering he couldn’t just not talk to you while he was away.

“About five seconds ago.” You whispered, although there was no need for you to, he had your voice coming through his headphone so none of the other guys would hear you. “It’s so early in the morning for you… Aren’t you tired? I don’t want to keep you up all night.”

“Mm… It’s worth it to talk to you.” He didn’t care if he was tired, he’d just sleep while getting his hair and makeup done, or he’d sleep in the car on the way to the next venue. “Have you eaten yet?” He quickly tried to change the subject, truthfully, he just wanted to hear you talk. He loved listening to you speak, he could lay in the hotel bed for hours with your sweet whispers filling his ears.

“Not yet… I’m trying to think of what to eat.” The sound of your kitchen cabinets squeaking was heard and he chuckled softly, making a mental note to try to fix them or at least put some oil on the hinges so they wouldn’t be as loud. “Think I might just have a ramen bowl. It’s not as fun to do the dishes when I don’t have my designated drier.”

Everything that the two of you did together was fun, it didn’t matter what it was. Whether you were going on dates or if it was something as mundane as doing the dishes or the laundry, if you were doing it together, that’s what made it enjoyable. “Well just let the dishes build up and we’ll have so much fun washing them together once I get back.” He teased, and he could just see the eye roll that came along with your soft snort as you tried to stifle your laughter.

“I don’t think my sink is big enough for that many dishes.” You said between giggles, but your laughter was short lived as you let out a quiet sigh. “I miss you… So much…” Your voice was quieter now, almost to the point that he couldn’t hear you, and the only reason he could is thanks to the headphones. “Bbokari doesn’t hug me back the way you do… The bed is so empty and cold on your side… And the clothes that you left me are starting to lose your scent.”

He couldn’t be more thankful that the two other guys in the room were already asleep because he could feel the tears pricking at his eyes as he listened to you. Felix missed you just as much, and he considered himself to be lucky because he wasn’t in a house that would feel so lonely if the roles were reversed. “I know, babe. I’ll be home soon, just wait for me. I miss you too… So much. I wish I could have snuck you here with me, I wish you would have packed yourself in my suitcase. We wouldn’t have to miss each other at all.”

Now you both were crying, and he got up out of the bed as quietly as he could to make his way to the bathroom just to make sure he didn’t wake anyone up with his sniffling. “I love you, Lix…” Hearing you say it, no matter how many times he heard it, it was always like the first time. His heart would flutter and he’d feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and while this time was no different, there was an extra feeling of sadness that came along with it.

“I love you too, babe… Don’t cry anymore, please? You’re too beautiful to cry… Smile for me, okay? And just always remember, I’m not gone forever, I’ll always come home to you.”

///

2 months later and he was finally heading back home to you. The night before the flight he had stayed up just to talk to you on the phone, it sounded like you were crying again, but he assumed that the tears you were shedding were tears of happiness that he’d finally be returning to you. He’d be lying if he tried to say that he hadn’t shed a few tears himself at the thought of finally being able to hold you and kiss you again.

He slept through the entire plane ride, and he hadn’t told you what time he’d be landing because he wanted to surprise you by showing up at your work. He wouldn’t say that he’s a hopeless romantic, but he couldn’t stop thinking about how romantic it would be to show up at your work with a bouquet of flowers. He could already see the shy little smile that would spread across your face, the flustered look in your eyes when you saw him walk through the door.

When the plane finally landed, his excitement really kicked in. He didn’t want to wait to take his things back to the dorms, he didn’t even care to change his clothes or check to see how he looked. All he could think about was you. So he had the guys take all of his bags back to the dorms and he asked to be taken straight to the little coffee shop right beside the office… after stopping by a flower shop first though.

“One iced americano, please.” His voice was cheerful as he practically waltzed through the door, the tiny bell above his head ringing out and announcing his entrance. The bouquet was hidden behind his back and he couldn’t help but smile wide as he looked around at the familiar scenery… They hadn’t changed anything in the months that he had been gone.

“She’s not here.” One of the employees said, and Felix didn’t know whether to feel disappointed, humiliated, or both. He was sure that you would be there, you always worked on the weekdays, and it’s not like you had said anything about having your schedule changed. Maybe he should have let you know that he was on his way to the shop just so that you could have let him know that you weren’t there.

“Oh… Well… Did her schedule change?” He asked rather sheepishly, and the girl behind the counter cocked her head to the side, her eyebrow raising. “What? Why are you looking at me like that? You didn’t fire her, did you?!”

“She didn’t tell you, did she?” The girl leaned across the counter, and there was a look in her eye that made it clear to him that she found some kind of enjoyment in this, but he didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. “She went home. And I’m not talking about down the street. I mean, she hopped on a plane and went home. She was in a rush too.”

The flowers fell to the floor, and he felt that he was going to be next if he didn’t keep himself steady against the counter. You… You didn’t even live in Korea… And you hadn’t told him that at all. He wouldn’t have even minded, as long as he knew that you’d always be his… But you just left. You left without saying anything to him. You left without warning, without reason. He didn’t even know what to do.

For a moment, the world froze, time seemed to stop entirely, his mind reeling with what he could do, what he should do. Was he supposed to call you? Would you even answer him? Were you trying to run away from him? Had he done something wrong? He just couldn’t understand what he had done to make you leave without a message, a call… You had given him nothing when he wanted to give you everything. It wasn’t fair. Was he too clingy? Why didn’t you just talk to him? He would have done anything to just keep you, he would have changed completely if it meant having you still.

“If you want to talk about it, I-“ The girl began, but he didn’t want to talk to anyone if it wasn’t you. She didn’t have the answers, she couldn’t tell him what he needed to know. He stormed out of the shop, taking a deep breath, the cold air catching in his throat and causing it to burn. He didn’t want to cry, but it seemed inevitable as the chill caught on the dampened streaks that coated his cheeks. Was there someone else? What was he to you that you could just give up so easily? How could you walk away without even a glance back, a second thought? He couldn’t let you do this, he just couldn’t. He was going to get an answer, whether you planned on giving it to him or not.

///

“Tell me more about your time in Korea. Tell me about that boy you met.” Your grandmother said hoarsely, her frail hand reaching out to grab yours. “You smile when you talk about him. I like seeing you smile.”

“Gran… You really need to rest now.” You whispered, holding her hand in both of yours to try to warm it up. She always felt so cold now. “I’ll tell you all about it, I’ll tell you all about him when you wake up. I’ll be here.” Your thumb brushed along her knuckles, her skin wrinkled and thin, but to hold her hand was such a comforting thing, to be there beside her.

She didn’t argue, she simply settled against her pillow, using her free hand to pull up her blanket a little higher as she kept her other hand between yours. She was weak, she was sick, and when you had gotten the call from your father that she was being moved from the hospital and being put into hospice, there was nothing that would keep you from being by her side.

It was late, 11 o’clock at night, a little past that even, and everyone had gone to bed in their respective guest rooms. Everyone but you, still jet lagged and running on Korean time. You were wide awake, and you knew that a part of you refused to fall asleep just so that you’d have a little more time with your grandmother, even if it was just sitting beside her while she was sleeping. It might be all the time you have left with her, and a part of you felt guilty for being gone the past year, before she got really sick, before things came to this. You knew that she would have wanted you to live your life though, to find happiness, to find someone that you loved, someone who loved you back just as much. And you had found that, you had found all of those things in Felix, and you felt terrible for leaving the way you did, but you were in such a hurry, you were hoping he’d understand.

11:56pm, four minutes to midnight and your phone rang on the nightstand table beside your grandmother’s bed. Felixs name was at the top of the screen and you quickly answered it, taking one last look at your grandmother before leaving the room to stand in the hallway, not wanting to risk waking her up while talking to him. “Lix…” You sighed out his name, and there was a sense of relief being kept at bay long enough for you to hear his voice, and you knew that once you did, you’d feel slightly better.

“You left.” He began, and that relief never set in, instead there was just dread and more guilt stacked on top of the already existing emotion. “An entire year, and I didn’t even hear it from you, I heard it from one of your coworkers that you don’t even live here… And the worst part is that I didn’t even hear about it until you were already gone.”

“I know that you’re angry, you have every right to be… But can you just listen to me, please?” You begged as quietly as you could, leaning against the wall in the hallway and slowly sinking to the floor.

“I do have the right to be angry, and I won’t listen. You had almost 365 days for me to sit and listen to you so that maybe I’d understand what you did… But not now. It’s too late for explanations and I don’t want to hear your excuses either.”

He sounded so angry, you had never heard him get mad before, and while you would have gotten angry right back, you were too busy being devastated. You needed him, you needed him more than anything right now, but he wasn’t even listening to you. On top of being sad, you were confused, you did live in Korea, just because you weren’t originally from there didn’t mean that you weren’t living there. “Why did you call… If you’re just going to yell at me and not listen to what I have to say… Why would you call me?”

“You basically walked out on me… No… You did worse… You left the damn country. You’ve broken me, I can’t believe you’re the one even crying right now.” You clasped your hand over your mouth to try to muffle the sound of your sobs just so he wouldn’t point them out. “You know what… I don’t have anything else to say to you. I hope you enjoyed your year, you can go tell everyone about how you broke my heart, I’m sure you’ll be real popular for that. Bye.” You didn’t know what the hell he was on about, you didn’t know where the assumptions even came from, but they only managed to hurt worse.

You were left in silence, your heart in shambles as you sat in the dark hallway, the only light coming from the cracked bathroom door at the end of the hall. You were shrouded in sadness, you had just lost the love of your life, the man that you planned on spending the rest of your life with, and you were about to lose your grandmother. Was there anything else that life would throw at you?

///

It had been a week since the phone call, and while he had been angry then, the anger had slowly worn off and turned into a sadness spurred by the loneliness that he felt without you there. Hell, he would have been fine just talking to you on the phone, hearing your voice or seeing you through a video call. There was too much shame though, too much regret. He had lost his temper with you, and while the call had initially been to figure out why you had left, he hadn’t even let you talk long enough to tell him.

He tried to not let it bother him, he tried to focus his mind on anything else, but whenever he’d go to the office, he’d have to go past the little coffee shop and it was a constant reminder of you, of when things had first begun. He felt like a fool, an absolute idiot, and now he didn’t even know how you were doing. He still loved you, and he wanted nothing more than to tell you those three words and hear them back, but now he was too scared to even try to contact you.

So he watched your social accounts, waiting to see an update of any kind. You hadn’t blocked him, which was either a good sign, or a sign that you hadn’t been online in a while and he didn’t know how to feel about that thought. The last post you had made was from a week before he had left for tour, a picture of the two of you sitting at your table in the coffee shop, sharing a croffle with your free waters, a perfect recreation of your first date.

His notifications were on for whenever you did post, just so that he could be the first person to like the picture or an update, but it had been so long since you posted that he rarely even checked the notifications to see if it was you. Today had been a rare occurrence where he had already been looking at his phone when you did post, and while it was only an instagram story update, he immediately clicked on it.

“I’ll miss you Gran… I love you so much.” The text read under a picture of an older woman, her eyes wrinkled in the corners, a sign that she smiled a lot, and her smile was just like yours, he could see it in the picture. She was a happy woman, he could tell that she was loved, and that she had loved just as much. As he looked at the picture longer though, it set in, the realization… You hadn’t left him, not because you wanted to… You had to go home, you had to be there for her, for your family… And he had gotten angry with you for that… He hadn’t even let you explain.

“Oh… Fuck!” He hissed, quickly closing out of instagram and opening his phone, his thumb hovering over your contact. He wasn’t sure how he’d go about apologizing, he didn’t know how the phone call would go even if you did answer, but he had to try. He had to at least say sorry if nothing else, so he called you, and he waited for it to go to voicemail, but then he heard silence… and then a shaky breath… You were crying. “Y/N… Babe… Are you there?”

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baronessblixen · 5 months ago

Text

Asking For Miracles

Merry Christmas, @katebeckets! I'm your PoangPal Secret Santa, and as I am mostly a writer, you're getting a fic 😁 You said you were enraged that we didn't get to see Mulder and Scully reunite at the end of "Redux II" (same, btw). So I wrote a scene where Scully tells him that she's in remission. It's angsty - but of course, it has a happy end. I hope you like it!

(Here's the AO3 Link)

@poangsecretsanta @today-in-fic

“Mulder, I know it’s late, but I- I need to see you.”

The words Scully left on his answering machine still ring in his ears, even half an hour after he first heard them. By the time Mulder arrives at the hospital, his legs are like lead and feel as if he’s just finished a marathon. Every step he takes is pure agony; if only he could turn around and run. That, of course, is not an option. Not when Scully asked for him.

Mulder enters the hospital lobby, the place as familiar as his own home by now. He nods at Jeff, the doorman, and he nods back at him. Maybe he recognizes Mulder, or he has compassion for every sad soul that passes by.

He stops in front of the elevator, his fingers fidgeting with the lapels of his jacket. An elderly woman standing next to him eyes him wearily when he presses the elevator button twice more. He’s grateful she’s not making conversation as they step inside. His thoughts are loud, screaming at him. They have been ever since Scully’s phone call - another one he missed. The sound of her suppressed tears is too familiar; it already haunts his nightmares.

It’s late. The hospital is deserted – save for the elderly woman, who’s clinging to her purse, staying with him on the elevator until they reach the oncology ward. They share a silent look, pain evident in their movements as they set out in opposite directions.

A phone call late at night is never good news. Scully must have called him just after 9 p.m. He grabbed his jacket as soon as he heard it, not even caring if it – or he – smelled bad. Scully is all that matters.

Yet, now that he’s here, he slows down. The closer he gets to her room, the smaller and heavier his steps become. As long as he’s out here, and as long as he hasn’t looked into her eyes, and heard what she has to say, he can pretend. He can pretend the disease isn’t taking her life, cutting it way too short.

He passes room after room, getting closer to the truth. For once, Mulder doesn’t want it. He wants the miracle, the fantasy. From somewhere he hears music. Or maybe that’s just his imagination. It’s an older song, melancholic. A woman singing about wishing she had a river she could skate away on. Mulder thinks it’s a Christmas song. Who plays Christmas music in the middle of the year? He considers telling Scully about it, hoping it will make her smile.

It’s no surprise that he hates hospitals. He’s hated them long before Scully got sick, but not always. The first time he remembers being in one was when he was a toddler, just about three years old. On his first visit, he was apprehensive. He knew the concept of hospitals from books; big, white rooms with doctors looking like angels, sometimes healing, sometimes taking people to heaven. That’s how his grandmother Mulder had described it to him when he’d asked.

The angels, his grandmother had explained, too, had taken good care of his mother and his sister. As a new big brother, he had to know these things. It was his time to be brave. Just like now, he thinks, as his shoes squeak against the linoleum. Back then, his much smaller feet had shuffled along, trying to keep up with his father, who was holding his hand in his large, steady grip. Before that day, Mulder can’t remember his father ever holding his hand.

The room Mulder remembers is filled with a sunny warmth, despite it being November. What are the chances of it having been a sunny day? But that’s how he remembers it. Just like he remembers the soft smile on his mother’s face and the way he had to stand on tiptoe to see Samantha and her squishy face. Seeing her cemented his fate; he was a big brother and he would look after her forever. Only that forever had been taken away from them. Much like last night when he lost her again. No matter what he does, he keeps losing.

The memory ends there. In the following years, hospital walls became tainted. There was blood and screaming. Samantha broke her collarbone and Mulder broke his arm. His grandmother died; the angels she’d believed in taking her away. The memories are strung together like a pearl necklace in his mind; one painful memory after another. An endless circle. Now, there is another memory to add.

He stops in front of Scully’s hospital room. All is quiet. The music has stopped. His heart, however, hasn’t. It’s thumping steadily, loudly. So loud in fact that he wonders if Scully can hear it through the closed door. He closes his eyes and knocks.

“Come in,” Scully’s muffled voice says and so, finally, he does. His eyes find hers the second he steps inside. Her face is puffy - puffier than he’s seen it in weeks. The hollowness for once hidden. How many tears has she cried without him here? She throws him a small, shaky smile. A laugh falls from her lips that sounds more like a hiccup.

“I came as quickly as I could,” Mulder says, flinching when he realizes that’s a lie. He may have driven to the hospital as fast as he could, but he took his time arriving.

“I thought you should hear it first,” she says, sniffing. She grabs a tissue out of a half-empty box and blows her nose. “This is ridiculous,” she adds, avoiding his eyes. “I just- I called you first when I- and you… you were the first person I wanted to call when I found out.”

Blood rushes in his ears, his temples throb; this is the last moment before he knows. Once she says it - once the words are out there - they can’t be taken back. It will be real.

“They did more tests. I- the last PET scan showed no improvement and I-,” she trails off and Mulder’s knees buckle. No improvement. There’s no cure for this cancer, just like Scully said months ago when she asked him to come to the hospital for the first time. No cure, no improvement. There’s only one way this can end. He wants to cover his ears; it can’t be true if he doesn’t hear it, or see it.

“I wasn’t ready to accept that,” she goes on, her voice steady. She glances at him as if waiting for him to say something. It’s not like him to remain quiet, but what is there to say? He wants to get on his knees and pray to a God he doesn’t believe in. “So I asked for more tests. When you’re dying, doctors will do whatever you ask of them.”

“I’ll make sure to remember that,” Mulder mumbles and Scully cracks a smile.

“We did another PET scan, among other things, and Mulder- I don’t know why is this so difficult to say.” Another hollow laugh from her and he can no longer keep his hurt in. It expels from his mouth as his lips begin to quiver. Scully’s eyes open wide.

“Oh, Mulder,” she says, reaching out her hand and he’s too weak to deny her, to deny himself. Her skin is as soft as ever, her touch as assuring as it’s always been. He’s crying openly now, weeping. The tears are blurring his vision, but he sees what’s important: her in the hospital bed, smiling up at him.

“You shouldn’t have to comfort me,” he says with a sob, trying to compose himself. He thinks of his father, of the way he watched him dismissively the night his grandmother died. When Mulder, at ten years old, had wiped his tears away with the sleeve of this sweater, he had asked his father why he wasn’t crying. Wasn’t he sad? His father hadn’t replied and only stared at him before he’d wandered off.

“I don’t know what I was thinking, Mulder,” she says, tugging at his hand. “Sit down.” When he doesn’t, she tugs more strongly. “Sit. Please.” He does, his hands folded in his lap as if waiting to start a prayer.

“It’s not what you’re thinking,” she says softly.

“You’re a mind reader now?”

“I don’t have to be. I should have started with the most important news,” she says, waiting. He knows she wants him to look at her. He braces himself before he lifts his eyes to hers. Hers are brimming with tears, just like his own.

“My cancer has gone into remission.”

Mulder stares at her, not understanding. These are the words he wants to hear. Remission. Cured. Yet, he can’t believe them.

“You believe everything but not this?” she teases, her voice shaky.

“You’re- and the cancer? It’s- it’s.” He doesn’t know what to say. How do you describe a miracle? It just is.

“Like I’ve been trying to say, I couldn’t accept that there was no improvement. My mother… my mother and I prayed together and then I knew I couldn’t give up. I asked for another PET scan and more blood tests. Mulder, I don’t know what… something changed. Whatever it is, whether it’s the chip or, or-”

“You’re in remission,” he repeats, his brain finally catching up. She nods.

“I’m in remission. The PET scan shows great improvement. The tumor is shrinking.”

“I can’t- it’s shrinking? You’ll be fine?” He reaches for her other hand, needing to feel her. Again, she nods, smiling.

“I’ll be fine,” she whispers. Mulder stares at her, watches her, and sees his whole future. Their future. Together. His lips quiver again, but this time from joy. Scully nods, understanding him without a single word spoken.

“Come here,” he says, desperate. He lets go of her hands and engulfs her in his arms. Their positions on the bed are awkward, but they make it work. His heart thumps against her chest, and he feels hers, too. He doesn’t care if it was the chip or a miracle. For once, he doesn’t care about uncovering a secret truth. He just wants to hold her in his arms and have her by his side for as long as she wants to be.

“Will you stay?” she asks into his neck. Her lips are warm and wet and her touch brings him back into the here and now.

“I’ll stay,” he says. He’ll stay as long as she will endure him in her hospital room.

“I need to call my family,” she whispers and he loosens his grip on her. Her face is as wet as his own feels and he wipes at her eyes with his thumb. Her blue eyes are almost translucent and he’s in fear of losing himself in them. Instead, he finds himself nodding along, reaching for the cell phone on her bedside table and handing it to her.

“Tell them right away,” Mulder says. “Say you have good news.” He smiles sheepishly. She doesn’t need to know about what he’s gone through in between her call and her breaking the news to him. Still, he’d like Mrs. Scully and Bill Jr. to know what they’re in for so they won’t have to worry anymore. There’s been too much heartbreak already. Scully nods at him, new tears falling from her eyes.

“It’s a Christmas miracle,” Mulder muses and Scully’s eyebrows knit together.

“It’s not Christmas,” she says with a chuckle and he takes her hand into his, entwining their fingers. She lets him. He marvels at their laced hands, remembering the song from earlier. He hopes the woman found a river to skate away on. He hopes she found her happiness somewhere along the way. Or maybe what she was looking for was right in front of her eyes the whole time. He knows what’s that like.

Mulder lifts his head and grins at her, falling deeper in love with her, allowing himself the full force of his emotions for once. The skepticism in her expression lets him know that she’s about to call him crazy. Or she would if this weren’t the exact moment her mother picks up the phone.

“Mom?” she says, trying to keep the tears out of her voice. Mulder squeezes her fingers to remind her he’s here with her. “I have something to tell you-…,” Scully goes on and looks at Mulder. There are so many things unspoken between them, and so many possibilities now for their future.

“It’s good news.”

#poangpresents2024 #poangpals #msr #xf fanfic #my writing #my fic

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