#and like the AWFUL person i am im not just sucking it up and staying there.. im staying home most of the time

[devotedlystrangewizard]

as im getting closer & closer to the day that i will officially leave my hometown & go live with my dad i am starting to understand my ocs more

[literallyalbertcamus]

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE MORE ANGUS PLEASE IM DEPRIVED😫😫

(love your works💋)

He’s So Fine – Angus Tully.

So sorry girly for taking this much in finishing this for you, who could have know library science was not that easy of a thing to study in college, anyways i hope you like this while i think of a better and longer angus fanfic idea. I Also wrote this all in english and was harder than i thinked.

___________________________

You had only seen the Barton boy at least three times, and that was saying it loosely. Your friends thought he was not that handsome to begin with, not enough to compensate to be an annoyingly privileged Barton prick, but oh how bad you had it for Angus Tully. He was tall and lanky, with a Bob Dylan look that made you weak in the knees every time you saw him at town in the weekends. Much about him personally you didn’t know, just his name, that your classmate Elise had kiss him at her aunt’s Christmas party and that he was not the nicest, but you just couldn’t help it, to you he was just that fine, and you were going to do something about your feelings right now.

That Sunday evening you and your friends where at The Winning Ticket, just drinking soda and eating cheeseburgers when you saw him at the pinball machine, focused on his game and alone. Sarah, one of your friends, noticed right away who you were staring at and rolled her eyes, but you shrouded at took a last shot of your coke before turning to the group.

“How do I look?”

“Good, why?” responded confused one of them, followed by a choir of disappointed “oh my god” when they realized what you were going to do.

You stud up and walked up to the pinball machine to put a penny at the corner of the table, while he was really focused until that moment, when the sudden movement on the corner of his eye made him look at the coin and lose track for a moment, losing is last ball.

“Motherfucker! I was going to break the record” he shouts, turning around to look at whoever made him lose the fruits of his evening’s hard work.

Internally and physically, you cringed a little, this was not the way you wanted your first real interaction with him to go, and now were thinking that maybe it was better staying with the girls at the booth just looking at him from afar.

“Oh, I am so sorry, I didn’t!—” the words came stunted from your mouth as your face started to blush. That’s when Angus noticed who had put the penny at the corner, he had thought it had been an annoying buttheaded townie like the ones from the holidays with mister Hunham, but no, it was you. A pretty girl from town that he did not know the name but knew was cute has hell.

“No! No, I am sorry, really is not that serious, I was overreacting” he started to apologize “Uh, you can take my penny” and as he said, cringed realizing it was the exact same thing he had done the last time as you frowned in confusion. “Oh, shit that sounded so awful, I know you can pay for your own I was just— Sorry”

At his awkward ramble you only giggled, because who really was more nervious between you and him? Probably not you anymore.

“Is fine, I’ll take it” you said, trying to act cool and unbothered at is clumsy and slightly out of touch attempt to make up for his reaction.

“I’m Angus, by the way” he said after putting a coin in the machine and moving to the side, as you put your hands by the handlers.

You told him your name and immediately moved your focus at the ball, but you really couldn't stop noticing him at the corner of your eye, how close he was, and that you had really talked to him this time. Of all your group of friends, you were the best at pinball, but now you were reduced to a mess by his mere presence, how great.

“You are really good” he said, and you almost jumped when you realized how close he really was.

“Thanks, I actually play a lot, so I guess is good that at least I don’t suck at it”

And you really were good, lasting a little bit more than him at the game, but his awkward charisma got the best of you when he said the most unfunny shit, and suddenly all you could do was laugh at it, finally losing.

“So, do you want something to drink?” he asked hopeful.

Maybe the best thing you did that day was putting your coin at the machine, because you spend the rest of the evening with Angus Tully on a booth away from everyone.

[forcedtogrow]

Addressing Pre-T, Pre-transition Anons

I’m getting quite a few asks from pre-T guys about how much you can change your body pre-T, what exercises to do, how to fix body fat redistribution etc. and it has gotten to be a little too much so im making a blanket post regarding this topic. This post is MY VIEWS AND LIMITS. I am not trying to bully anyone, this is a kink blog for fun and I am not a teacher/doctor/counselor/therapist or parent. I am a fun big brother lmao.

1. There’s only so much you can change your body pre-T, and it’s totally dependent on your genetics and dedication to lifting/gaining muscle. Some guys are lucky and can easily pass without T by just working out, I wasn’t one of them but I’ve seen a handful of guys that did that before T. Even then, some of those guys needed T to get rid of an hourglass/pear shape.

2. You can’t spot lose body fat in hips/thighs/ass. You’d need to lose body fat everywhere, but pre-T your body is most likely to hold onto lower body fat because biology wants those fat reserves to make babies. It’s gross and dysphoria inducing but it’s true.

3. It’s worth it to work out pre-T, especially lifting, to create a solid base to work from. If you already have that you’ll grow so fast on T it’ll feel like magic. I won’t lie that it’s frustrating and awful, because I’ve been there and it feels like spinning the pedals on a bike without moving, but it does pay off.

4. Stay balanced with your diet and don’t force yourself into a crazy calorie deficit. It might not be the time to bulk if you feel like your body is reserving most energy as fat (could be your genetics or activity level), but maintaining a baseline that’s Not underweight is a good start.

5. I’m not in a place to tell you to bulk or cut, especially if I don’t know your height/weight/age/activity level. I am not a doctor or dietician and can only say what works for me and people I know.

6. Don’t just focus on one part of the body, do a full push/pull/legs routine at the very least. Like this: https://www.aston.ac.uk/sport/news/tips/fitness-exercise/push-pull-legs or this for a 6 day split: https://www.muscleandstrength.com/workouts/6-day-powerbuilding-split-meal-plan

You need to build full body strength, and more leg muscle can actually masculinize your body and make your hips more boxy.

7. If you can’t transition medically/socially for whatever reason your main focus should be getting out of that situation. This is going to sound harsh but I know many trans people who risked a lot, some trans femme friends that literally risked their lives, and you have to decide what’s important to you. I’m being real because you will only regret waiting—there is no replacement for transition, there is no joy like transition, there is no pain great enough to negate the many many benefits of transition.

I don’t want to get messages like “what if it’s illegal where I live!” That’s not what I’m talking about. It’s sucks, but you either transition or you don’t, and if you don’t that’s up to you, but I cannot assist with that decision. I gave up a lot to transition and waited several years to start hrt for reasons too personal to disclose. I ruined relationships with family among other things, so please do NOT ask me for advice on this because I will not be coddling/sweet. Being a man is hard and messy and a sacrifice.

8. I will tell you what I eat and give general advice of bulking/eating but I will not make a meal plan for you. Every body has different needs that only you and a dietitian can work through, I’m not a licensed professional and don’t want anyone to take what I eat as the only way to eat.

9. If you cannot transition because you are a minor stay off my blog. Sorry!!

[heichou-ackerman]

Texting Levi fluff

Levi hates texting but he likes you. Another modern!AU which I am re-uploading since tumblr was stupid about it

TW: Some slight cussing but nothing MORE

It was rare for Levi to actually utilize his phone for  anything more than just make necessary calls, checking the weather, and keeping up to date with his monthly Tea Box subscription.

Lately, however, he found himself spending more time watching the bright screen on his phone, face scrunched up, as he began to understand the means of what it meant to actually meant to maintain consistent communication.

Unfortunately for him, you seemed to have a knack for coercing him to text you throughout the day no matter how busy he actually was with his actual work or with his own personal chores.

He both liked and hated this about you. Although your apparent clingy behavior was charming at best, it was a bit exhausting for the introverted man to keep up with some of your needs.

Like clockwork, your good morning texts would pop up at almost the exact same time every weekday (he actually began to depend on that more to wake up than his actual alarm). He learned the hard way you really had expectations of him texting you back and in maintaining a conversation with you from morning to night, at least during the days where you both were unable to see each other.

It was a pain in the ass.. Single word responses were insufficient to satisfy your need to drag out his opinion about a variety of things, ranging from your choice of lunch for the day and where he saw himself in ten years. He really didn’t understand why you valued his opinion so much about these things or why it was important for you to know.

>where do you see yourself in 10 years Levi? :)

> I dont know.

>Come on! Do you wanna live in a different city or something like that?

> I see myself being 10 years older

>You suck

He got a bit better over time, unaware of how he began to think a little more in depth about his responses to you. If he was curt and short, you would become upset at him. When it was something more of a slight flirtatious advance, his screen would be filled with heart emojis. He wouldn’t admit it but there was some satisfaction in seeing you reply eagerly to him. A curious feeling but not a bad one.

>cant wait to see your face on the weekend!

>you literally saw me yesterday

>so you dont wanna see me then?

>I didnt say that

>so you are excited to see me too :)

>I didnt say that either

>awe, getting tired of me already I see

>I told you Im not going to respond to anything stupid you say

>You just did! :D

>everything you say is stupid so Im at a loss

He wondered  if you acted this way with anyone else. He supposed, the way you tended to be, that you were equally as warm and inviting to most of your circle. Not to say, he wanted to have this particular ‘treatment’ for himself only, but it genuinely felt like you did dedicate most of the day to stay in touch with him as much as you could.

In the past, Levi would had found this overwhelming. He appreciated his friendships and relationships with others, but he was also someone who valued his privacy, and most people in his semi social circle understood this of him. He would be the type to hang out a Saturday evening and then would be completely out of reach for the rest of the month, which was minimal for him. He was unbothered for most of the time, which to be fair, is the way he preferred it.

Once you and him became an item however, there was a noted disruption in this rather, exclusive lifestyle of his. It wasn't awful but it was something he was not attuned to, so it made things feel awkward during some of these interactions.  Despite his standoffish demeanor and his lack of substance in some of his messages, you still kept at it. You didn't shy away from him or even become too upset when his responses seemed bland or cold. It seemed like you had an understanding of the type of person he was, but you still wanted to simply spend as much time in touch with him as possible. You genuinely craved for his attention and treated it as something important and precious.   And this simple fact made him like you so much. So, he would make an effort.

---

After a long day at his office job, Levi arrived home, throwing his belongings onto his couch, not caring much about things spilling out, and flopping onto his bed, a deep sigh coming out from his nose.   It was a shitty day at the office to say the least, which soured his mood for most of the day. As usual, you made attempts to message him throughout the work day, but he would be lying if he said there was a bare minimum effort at responding back to you. He knew you were probably peeved off at his lack of consistency for today, but he was far too exhausted to really explain himself about the matter.

He closed his eyes for a bit, feeling he might literally drift of to sleep still in his day clothes, when he felt the vibrations from his phone go off in his pocket. He groaned slightly, knowing only one person in the world would message him at such a time. He reached into his pocket to pull it out, squinting at the bright screen to see your name pop up with the following message:

> are you mad at me? :(

Jesus fucking Christ. He knew if he began to entertain the conversation (and no he wasn't mad at you), he would probably be up for another couple of hours trying to reassure you of this fact. He debated to leave it as it was for the sake of being able to go to sleep, but at the risk of you blowing up his phone the entire night.   "Goddammit." He muttered to himself. He sighed heavily, bracing for the worst as he gave into it and began to message you.

>no, long day at work

There, that should be sufficient, right?

Not even five seconds later, he saw those three dots appear, indicating you were messaging him back. He pictured you literally hunched over your phone like some gremlin, texting him rapidly.

>awe, im sorry to hear that. you home now?

Okay, not too bad. It seemed like you were considerate of his situation at the moment. He blinked forcefully, feeling his eyelids begin to droop as he stared at your response on his screen. No, he wouldn't be able to last long like this, he might as well just cut it short.

>yeah im home, super tired, need to sleep.

He hit the send button and set his phone down, allowing his eyes to droop shut, feeling the inbound sleep coming to him. He would literally be able to fall asleep and wake up in the same position the following morning, and for a couple of minutes, it felt as if this would be the case.

And then his phone begins to ring.

His eyes shoot out open as he become startled by his ringtone, and by nature, he immediately picks up the phone, being met with its bright screen.

It was you. Of course it was.

Levi rubbed his hand over his face, muttering curses at you and at the situation. It really didn't even fucking matter at this point if he tried ignoring you. He sighed heavily as he lazily answered, bringing you over to his ear.

"What." He muttered, not even as a question.

He could hear you slightly giggling over the other line, which made him kind of irritated. He told you how tired he was, we’re you really just fucking with him?

"Just wanted to check in to see if you're okay. But I can tell that you are super sleepy." He heard you on the other line.

"Yeah." He replied simply. "I told you I was."

"Sorry. You mentioned you had a hard day at work, I figured you wanted to talk about, buuuut I didn't think you'd be this tired. You usually stay up pretty late, even during your worst days."

Well, you weren't wrong about that. He would usually be a night owl most weekday evenings, entertaining your text shenanigans well off into midnight.

"I'm fine." He iterated, allowing his phone to fall next to his head, close enough to still hear you. He kept his eyes closed, still somewhat attentive to you. "Work was shit but I'm fine. Sleepy."

"Want me to tell you a bed time story?" You asked softly, jokingly of course.

"No. "

"Didn't think you'd want one. Want me to sing you a lullaby?"

"No, fucking weirdo."

“Kidding, kidding. Kinda sucks, but I’d be so down to just do that thing you like me to do to you. If I was there of course.”

He raised a slight eyebrow, eyes narrowing slightly towards his ceiling. “I literally don’t have the energy to talk nasty right now.”

“No!” You exclaimed. “Not that stupid. I meant like, that one night when I was playing with your hair and you fell asleep on my lap.” He hummed in consideration. “Ah, yeah. Maybe. That was nice.” It wasn’t too long ago, but it was another of those exhausting evenings for him, similar to this one. You mindlessly began to run your fingers through his hair, coaxing him to rest on your lap as you minded yourself on your phone. Your fingers were soft and it seemed like they knew exactly which parts of his scalp would respond the best. It was no secret he enjoyed your pampering from time to time, although he would never directly ask you for it. He would always hope you would initiate it however and it seemed as if you had an intuition of when he really needed. This being one of those times.

You chuckled softly on the other line. "Okay, okay, let me leave you be then sleepy head. Can I text you tomorrow then?"

Why the hell are you asking that?

You didn’t need his permission to do so, and its not like you ever asked him for it.

"Why are you asking that?" He asked you bluntly, his voice low.

You stayed quiet for a bit on the other line for a bit, and Levi could feel the hesitation from you.  "Don't know. Just wanted to be a bit considerate."

Considerate? Considerate of what?

He should really go to bed, he thought. But there was something weird about you right now.

"What's with you?" He continued to probe. "You're being weirder than usual."

"Gee, thanks." You respond dramatically. "But nothing is wrong, I just wanna be considerate of, your time lets say."

He sighed loudly enough for you to be able to hear him on the other line. "Okay, I'm too tired to be subtle about it. What's wrong? What did I do?”

" "Nothing Levi!" You exclaim with a laugh. "I just wanna be mindful of not bothering you too much during the day, especially when you got all this stuff to do at work. I realize I can be a little too demanding of your attention, but I also don't want you to feel obligated as well. Hence...why I asked if it was okay."

Yeah, he agreed in his mind that you were a little bit demanding at times with this, but you weren’t overtly intrusive about it. Plus, if he was actually bothered by it, what was stopping him from simply blocking your messages during his shift? He obviously didn't do it because he didn't think of it that way.

"Don't be stupid." He replied lowly. "Let's be real, you'd lose your shit if I didn't reply to you during the day. Regardless, I'm fine, it doesn't bother me."

"You sure?" You asked a bit skeptically. He could tell you were genuine about all of this, and even if you did like to be overtly clingy, he understood you were capable of understanding necessary boundaries about things. He would never admit it to you, but you were capable of making mature choices about things.

He kept thinking of that particular pout you'd make when you tried to be serious with him. He didn't know if you made it on purpose but it was a rather cute feature about you. He imagined you making that same face right now as you tried to see if he was actually okay with you. He felt a smile form on his face.

"I'm sure, you brat." He responded back. "I enjoy talking to you, it makes work a bit more bearable. So stop asking me for permission like some kid."

He could hear you hum rather approvingly on the other line. "Okie dokie then. But legit, go ahead at get some rest. I'll check in with you in the morning yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Good night, love you."

He grunted back to you as his response. Yeah, he was still like that about those words. It was hard for him to say it back to you without feeling the need to be swallowed whole by the entire earth. He did care deeply for you, without a doubt, but it was as if he physically couldn't utter those things to you. At least not yet, it was still a work in progress.

You hung up on him on your end, and Levi rolled over to his side, breathing in deeply. An image of you kept popping into his head, wondering how this conversation may have ended in person. He wondered what kind of stupid face you'd be making or how annoying you'd be with your necessity to touch and hold him. He imagined a situation where you'd get upset at him for swatting his hand away, unaware that he would do it on purpose just to rile you up and to encourage you to forcefully grab a hold of it. He felt a crooked smile form on his face as he recalled your goodbye to him, your soft voice lulling him in his head as he felt a need to share the same sentiment to you in some way.

He rolled over back in his original position, eyes slowly peering open as he grabbed his phone, slowly tapping on its screen, soon pressing send to you before finally drifting off to sleep.

>I love you too.

[caged-kaashi]

Hey, Akaashi

Im a 1st year (high school). after winter break Im gonna be a 2nd year and.... I just don't know what to do.

There is literally nothing im good at. i didnt know that was possible. I'm not good at studying, i can't draw, i can't play an instrument, i can't make friends, i can't play any sports, i can't play games, i can't write essays, i'm not funny, i'm not patient.... i'm lazy. i don't know, literally, there's nothing i'm good at. Not even trivial things. Not even like checkers, or dodgeball, or smiling, or talking quickly, or tricking people.

I didn't know it was possible, but here I am. I'm not even healthy; my own fault, with some help from my genes. I cant stay up the night, i sleep like 8 hours and am still sleepy, i dont like eating so im... not underweight, but close. i have no muscle. but i have no fat so i can't skip meals and be fine, if i skip two meals ill become so weak i can barely stand, it sucks.

I tried to make a list once: all the things im good at. squeezed my brain for any niche thing. heres what i came up with:

I'm decent at english. I don't smoke or do drugs or gamble. I'm not a big money spender. sometimes i do the dishes.

The bare minimum, less even.

anyways, i have 2 months of winter break. in that time i wanna learn to cook, at least. and earn money. How can I earn money? and exercise just enough to go back into the 'normal muscle range'. I don't think i can learn to study well enough to get into college in that time. So something, anything. Anything to stay alive later without being a burden on my parents.

Sorry for ranting.

Hello anon, before I begin, thank you for trusting me enough to hear you out. I'm here for you anytime you may need to rant so don't ever hesitate. And I'm sorry that you're feeling awful with how you are currently.

-pulls you down gently to sit beside him-

However, I seem to have noticed your special quality through your words and that is introspection. You have taken time to be true to yourself and search who you are. This may sound albeit spiritual but finding yourself and accepting the form you are at is one of the most basic and important step to improve yourself.

It also appears as though you've already started working on the next step too. You've made a list of things that you want to achieve by a certain time frame and that's great. I'll be cheering you on, celebrate every little achievement just like how parents would with a mere single step of a young baby.

The thing about being good at something is ultimately acquired skills. You may be good at something by birth and that merely gives you a head start, you still need to refine and polish it, in order for the skill to shine. By bringing this point forward, what I mean to say is, you're still young, you can find a skill that interests you and work on it, that's how you acquire skill sets for yourself.

You also posed a question about how to earn money. The easiest trick is to find a way to make yourself more sell worthy in the market and for that you have to work on acquiring the very skills that both interests you as well as is sought out in the market. If you say you're good in English then maybe look into newsletters, improving your writing and start with something small. I do have to also mention that the bare minimum you speak of is still much better than being the worst and doing bad things intentionally.

Lastly, I do wanna add that whatever you do, do it for yourself. I know it sounds selfish but it is ultimately you who has to live with yourself so treat yourself better. Become someone you would trust your child-self to be impressed by because that is the only person who you need to keep happy and satisfied.

You can do whatever you can put your mind to, take a breath, find ways in which you'll be happy and healthy, prioritize yourself more and remember, keep moving- in every sense of the word. Because even the tiniest step is an improvement from where you last were.

[sleepy-bi666]

incorrect quotes for my mcstm dr to cope and connect

Ivor: Why am I the bad guy? Aiden: I don't know, why am I the pretty one? We all have our thing.

---

Jesse: My expectations are low, but they can always go lower.

---

Ivor: Where's Lukas? Aiden: Don't worry, I'll find them. Aiden, shouting: Jesse sucks! Lukas, distantly: Jesse is the best person ever! Fuck you! Aiden: Found them.

---

Petra: I failed my safety training course today. Lukas: Why, what happened? Petra: Well one of the questions was "In case of a fire, what steps would you take?" Lukas: And? Petra: Well apparently "FUCKING LARGE ONES" isn't an acceptable answer.

---

Lukas: They called me the B-word. Axel: Motherfucker doesn’t start with ‘b’.

(this is so canon)

---

Lukas, talking about Jesse/Me: WHAT THE FUCK I WAS ARGUING WITH THEM AND I SAID “OOH YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD” AND GUESS WHAT? THEY DID. THEY KISSED ME. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DO I DO.

---

Jesse/Me: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.

---

Aiden: I have a problem. Ivor: Kill it. Aiden: Can you chill for like, two seconds?

---

Olivia: One time I went to hand Aiden a bowl of soup. I wanted to say “Careful, it’s hot!”, and “Here’s your soup!”, so instead I blurted out “Careful it’s soup.”

---

Lukas: I’m sad. Jesse/Me: Don’t be sad, because sad backwards is das. Jesse/Me: And das not good.

---

Olivia: Is something burning? Petra: My burning love for you of course! Olivia: … Petra: … Petra: And the kitchen is on fire…

(i know what you are 0-0)

---

Ivor: When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Ivor lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the person who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

---

Axel: Ooh, somebody has a crush Lukas: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Jesse I just think they’re cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about them. *Later that night* Lukas, very much awake: Uh oh.

---

Axel: Guys, I have a question. Jesse/Me: kys <3 Axel: I love you too. Lukas: Ah, yes. Siblings.

---

Jesse/Me: Are you coming to bed? Lukas: I can't. This is important. Jesse/Me: What? Lukas: Someone is wrong on the internet.

---

Jesse/Me: Respect my trans homies or I’m gonna identify as a fucking problem.

(i am trans. so)

---

Lukas: Why do you hang out with me? Jesse/Me: You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me! Lukas: … Lukas: I feel a bit sorry for you.

---

Axel: Advice of the day kids, if you ever meet someone who calls Gatorade flavors the actual name of the flavor instead of just the color then they are a certified nerd. Petra: Yeah but you have to specify, frost glacier or cool blue? You can’t just say blue because there’s more than one blue. Axel: Blue and light blue, nice try nerd.

---

Petra: Okay, what does A stand for? Jesse/Me: Arson. Petra: Aw, you're so good. Okay! B! What does B stand for? Jesse/Me: Barson. Ivor: *laughter* Petra: What stands for C? Jesse/Me: Commit arson. Ivor: Oooo. Petra: D! Jesse/Me: Don't come near me, I'm going to commit arson. Ivor: *more laughter*

---

Axel: Hey do you wanna hang out this weekend? Lukas: Generic excuse. Axel: I can’t believe you said that out loud, to my face. Lukas: I can.

---

Jesse/Me: When I first got my autism diagnosis, my first thought was “woah… it’s canon” and I think that maybe thoughts like that is why Olivia made me get tested.

---

Petra: In your opinion, what is the height of stupidity? Ivor, turning to Axel: How tall are you?

---

Ivor: So, did everyone learn their lesson? Petra: No. Axel: I did not. Lukas: I may have actually forgotten one. Jesse/Me: Also no. Ivor: Oh good, neither did I. Olivia: *Exhausted sigh*

---

Lukas: You have an impressive pain tolerance. Jesse/Me: Thanks, it's the trauma.

(please this is so me)

---

Jesse/Me: If I die, my funeral will be the biggest party ever and you're all invited. Petra: "If" Axel: Great, the only party I'm ever invited to and they might not even die.

[importantgalaxyrunaway]

Chapter -6-I love you ❤️ - Colby x y/n

CONTENTS: angst, sad, fluff , ⚠️ SMUT⚠️-titanic reference

AUTHORS NOTE 📝: I honestly went into this with no idea what to make. But I had fun and I worked hard. So please don’t be to harsh and like please. I do take requests and do other characters x y/n and I also do character x character.

I began to stir only slightly at first the bed was so warm and comforting that I don’t want to wake up. And for sometime I don’t. But eventually I open my eyes. And I am very confused. The last thing I remembered was the Estes method saying “watch me”. I look around and see Colby pulling on a shirt. When he realizes that I’m awake he rushes to my side and kneels down. He holds my hand “y/n your awake” he said with tears in his eyes. Clearly whatever had happened had been very traumatic for him. He had clearly been crying before because his face was stained with tears.

“Colby.. what happened?”

he told me the whole haunting story. During the story I interlocked our hand and kissed each of his individual fingertips. That seemed to comfort him somewhat but not enough. by the end of the story he couldn’t fight the tears any longer.

“y/n I’m so sorry” he said his voice quaking from the sobs “I didn’t protect you. I couldn’t protect you! You just don’t know how hard it is to see the person you love in danger. I didn’t even know if you would survive! And now it’s all my fault.

“no, colbs” I said softly cupping his face with my hands. Tears also gushing down my face. He looked me in the eyes with those stunning icey blue eyes. In all of my years knowing him I had never seen him cry like this.

“You saved me. I would have been hurt if you didn’t catch me! You are my hero. You were dealing with things that you couldn’t control and, I…. I …I love you! I blurted out the last sentence with all the courage I could muster. I l

he came on the bed and we snuggled with each other for a long time. And we put on my favorite movie titanic. For an hour or so we stayed there in our embrace. Arm wrapped around each other, comforting one another. Then He pulled me closer In his embrace and I buried my head in his chest while he sucked on the nape of my neck. I moaned, it felt so good.

“Where to miss?”

“to the stars ⭐️ “ the movie said

“that could be us” Colby said softly as his hand moved underneath my shirt. His hand found my boobs and gave one a squeeze. I let out a breathy moan. “Colby…” I whined as I squirmed under his touch. “Oh someones eager” he whispered in a voice that sent shivers down my spine. I pressed my thighs together in a desperate attempt to get some friction. He smirked at me noticing “look at how you squirm at my slightest touch” he said biting his lip. I blushed heavily.And without warning our lips smashed together in a very heated kiss. The thing about Colby is there was never a fight for domanince. He always one and he knew it. And I loved it. This went one for a long time but I wanted more i tugged his shirt signaling to take it off. And he did breaking our kiss to take his shirt off. And I stood there staring at him in awe. It only got much more heated after that

-skip after- (Sorry Don’t feel comfortable writing the the rest at the moment. I hope you understand. I am a VERY new fanfic writer)

The next day I find myself naked in the bed. My whole body was aching with soreness. Colby was at the desk editing the video. “Good morning princess” he said I start to get up to give him a morning kiss. But when I stand up my legs start violently shaking and aching. I realize halfway over to him that I can’t stand and fall over. He realizes this and catches me and carries me bridal style to the bed. “Guess I’m just to good” he chuckles

AUTHORS NOTE 📝: thank you for reading please like! I hope you understand I’m not comfortable writing. I worked hard on this and im new to writing fanfiction so please don’t be mean. Sorry it’s a little short

[candied-scorpian]

Kulapari Blog Name: Candied Scorpian

I have not watched Rise of the Kings because Hulu is in the US{It is new so I couldn't even pirate it}-

but I sure love Stinger, so even with spoilers I was excited- IS THAT A SNAKE IN THE GIF??? I just noticed that

but anyways, for a small fandom 'Edit for a dead fandom' I can make edits, idk how to get the clips.... Right theirs on clips of stinger in one pirated site that has season 2

I accidentally watches epidose one of season 2 back in lockdown before kipo was uploaded... Oooh the memories of rewatching this before I slept.

Im still gonna make shitty drafts and post it on ao3, idk what happened, but ill just give stinger amnesia and meet some half scorpian half snakes Hehe! <3

Also bit of a headcanon that Their a emperor scorpia(They are in West Africa...) Idk, maybe other scorpians would assume, or another animal incorrectly guessing. I couldn't find a scorpian in austrailio I liked. Emperor sounded cool- and no ones arguing with me... Ik its someones pet peeve, but hey from reddit the show sucked, and I might still enjoy watching it. My work is gonna be as bad as the writing, also how friendly empoerer scorpians are HAH XD

... I kinda added that their was a disease that just never gets talked about, and eveyrones just, monotone, tired, depressed, something with slow mating cycles and infertility and miscarriges.......... From what I learned empowers are usually aggressive after giving birth, so maybe that anger is channeled to fighting, belief of a lord that is survival and nature is cruel. or smth dark, and oc in the makaign for that.

maybe another scorpian thats seen stingers dad, try to cheer them up... A neutral perspective on bandits and such <3 such good writings ideas I am rushing, please send me link or an account <3

Concept writing of my oc with a placeholder name Magma- for volcano room

Magma is self-aware and quiet, easily accepting of failures, and accepts that not everyone will be a good person and do what they're fully capable of, but they understand they should still stand up for others. They like to argue when they fully research a specific topic, and will trauma dump at a moment's notice to keep the conversation going, they are extremely sensitive so any jokes at others' expense, just when it's directed at them – they quit side eyes – but with someone else is also in the butt of the joke they'll sting. They tend to hold grudges rather than holding others' hands out of awkwardness, having a hard time asking for help. They can bottle all their emotions up, and that leads to… More panic attacks and stinging a frog{Fear of water from threatening to be drowned from an accidental party bash, and misses the hot springs gifted from Chinese scorpion} they acted on it from stinging a frog helping them get to the other side{inspired by Tumblr short story{Lost it}.. They struggle with misinformation, everyone knowing the obvious royalty or power core, and the struggle of political disinterest and being the eldest to have to take the crown and responsibility. He can be bitter about others being wrong or not that self-aware, always keeping to themselves, but the inevitable panic of intrusive thoughts of accidentally murdering someone. They Value and adore it when people like them and know their bad, or even stay, to be listened to is nice and they can only be so much. They can come across as sweet, sometimes a bit obvious to their surroundings, or forgetful souls, but on other occasions, they can play the oblivious card. While plating obliviousness has its wins when seen as stupid, they tend to be insecure about the existence of their responsibility, but not exactly knowing how to not be the cause of corruption, assassinated siblings, letting things go bad, or secretly being power-hungry. Despite all of this, their family loves the self-isolating ‘Sun’ Daughter, and the people see them as having humility and being well educated but a person(forgetting, being neutral and self-aware of their bias on their interviews in boarding school.). They put others' needs before themselves, the weaker their friends, but an enemy could just die.

[retrotrait]

wait last anon got my attention and ive also been wanting to send you a long ass ask dissecting simon's behavior lol~ also cw this talks about drug abuse!

I don't want to be a simon shooter, but I feel like he deserves empathy considering he abuses substances and has trauma from his childhood. Not to excuse his behavior at all. I feel for anani and simon because i was in a relationship with someone who abused substances (xanax) this was in my senior yr of high school & it sucked seeing someone you care about constantly high of their ass vs. the person you met. The drugs affect not only the person, but the people around them and its awful.

There is such a stigma towards people who abuse substances (I personally dont like to use the word addict thats just me tho!!) I feel like people tend to think ppl who abuse drugs act out on purpose and want to purposely hurt their loved ones, when that isnt the case.

Anani was without a doubt, simon's diamond in the rough. It does make me feel a certain was that his mother called her to BASICALLY, fix her son. Girl.............that is your child, Im pretty sure his mother asked her to "get him help" because she couldnt face the music, she couldnt see history repeat itself, but you cannot send someone over that he hurt so many times to fix things.

I believe Anani continuously stayed by his side because she thinks itll be different everytime. She could fix him, its possible in her eyes because of their bond, but that is not true at all. He needs to realize for himself that he needs help. If he cares about the people he loves he would go and get help. Anani is def a push over in this case (im sorry my queen PLS STAND UP I KNO U LOVE HIM BUT PLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS STAND UP!!)

I dont think its possible for them to have a platonic friendship after everything, but I do believe Simon needs a good support system around him and MAYBE anani could be apart of that support system...minus the physical bc from what it seems, simon uses Anani like temporary medicine to ease his pain & it hurts to see Anani care and love him, but get hurt in the end :c

I love what you're doing with this story & I am so excited for what is yet to come. <3

You couldn't be righter and the number one reason I created an OC with substance abuse problems is because I know how one sided it can be for people to misjudge them, even the people who love them. It's not as easy as quit and get better and I wanted that to reflect who Simon is.

Anani became that drug replacement for him as well and even loving someone to that extent can be unhealthy because without them you don't know who you are (also a reason why he left in the first time around) the town, his parents, even Anani, he needed to separate himself from becoming the person his brother was but unfortunately, it's not easy when you're in that party/rockstar lifestyle. He's stuck be

To Anani, he also became like a drug, someone who filled that musical emptiness that her mom's passing left. Like you said, she wants to fix him, it's in her nature and him knowing that makes walking away a little bit easier to understand, however wrong it was to do it in that situation. It's very on brand for him the "not wanting to hurt someone while hurting them."

I think their relationship thrives on that push and pull, that "I hate you but I love you." I just don't know if it would work if they were ever just good to each other without the toxic-ness.

<333 ILY and thank you for sending this amazing dissection of these characters.

[iraprince]

Heyo! Any advice on struggling to get your art seen in the world? I feel like no matter how much I post, or what I post, people never see it or seem to like it. I love art and am pursuing it as a career (hence why Im getting a degree in it currently lmao) but its kind of disheartening to work really hard on something, post it, and no one sees it.

oh, man. i'm afraid for this one i don't feel like i have a lot of solid advice. having a large-ish following online feels like something that kind of just, like, Happened to me, mostly on accident/in ways outside of my control, and even if i had some ideas on how to potentially replicate those gains i don't think they'd work consistently. (also, a lot of my large jumps in follower count came from mental health related work going viral bc it's #relatable; this is something i have complicated feelings about and it's absolutely not a viable, like, "strategy" or something that i would recommend, in the way that ppl can say like, "fanart gets attention!" or stuff like that.)

so, i don't have advice for how to actually GET those eyes on your art; i can maybe help with making ppl more likely to STAY once they do find you, and how to build a following that will actually help you maintain a living from your work -- bc i have TONS of peers w a following a fraction of the size of mine who get more jobs than me, are doing cooler/more "professional" stuff than me, etc! (heads up that most of my experience is on twitter; i know less than nothing about places like instagram + tiktok, and while tumblr functions very differently from twitter i feel like i handle things mostly the same here, aside from doing less personal posting/being less talkative and not 'networking' or following many people).

SCROLLING BACK UP TO ADD A SPOILER ALERT: AS ALWAYS I HAVE SAID "HAHA IDK I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY ADVICE" AND THEN PROCEEDED TO TYPE A FULL ESSAY. IF YOU ARE ON DESKTOP YOU CAN HIT THE 'J' KEY TO SKIP THIS POST. IF YOU'RE ON MOBILE, I'M SORRY

a very important thing, especially professionally: it HAS to be easy to see what you do. (this is easier here on tumblr, where u can have a designated art tag etc, than on twitter, which is an awful website that sucks. <- guy who makes all his money on twitter) this means, like -- if i see something from you and get curious and click your profile, it should only take one more click to quickly see at least SOME of your art. on a professional account, it's probably best for your icon to be your own work, something snappy and memorable and eye-catching that reads well at a small size; people shouldn't have to dig for 20 minutes before they can start browsing your art. on twitter, this means TRY not to gunk up your media tab with a ton of reaction images/screencaps of your gacha pulls/etc; on here, it means make your art tag easy to find; on any website, a portfolio link, prominently displayed, is the best bet. (i am still working on that one myself lmao and i've been working professionally full time for a few years now so like, there are outliers and wiggle room on all of this).

next! it's great when your audience finds you, but you have to find them, too. find artists who do similar stuff to you and get into their stuff -- sincerely, not just as "networking." (like only do this with ppl whose stuff you actually think is cool, not just trying to get in mutuals with everyone you see in hopes of a bump, obviously.) get interested in other indie artists, find the people who are working/publishing in the spaces that are exciting and aspirational for you, and support them! i don't want it to sound cynical when i say there's a kind of give-and-take built into this; the point is not "well, if i reblog/retweet a bunch of YOUR stuff, maybe you'll feel obligated to boost mine in return," but that when you find other artists/creatives who are on the same wavelength as you, you will naturally stumble into pools of people who want to support art like yours, and you and your newfound peers will help each other when you hype each other's stuff up and direct followers to each other! (again re: things going differently on dif websites: this is twitter-specific for me, bc i use my tumblr as a gallery/portfolio. that doesn't mean it doesn't happen here tho! it can and does happen everywhere!)

it is really not a competition. i know that SOMETIMES it is in like, a really nitty-gritty numbers sense; people only have so much money to spare, they will make choices about whose patreon they can afford/what comic to buy/etc, that's true. but to me that's not competition. people who are sincerely into your stuff will hang on until they can afford it; maybe that means someone follows you for two whole years before the planets align and they have the budget/opportunity to commission you. by hanging out in similar circles you are not taking potential business or opportunities away from anyone else, nor are you risking leading your own audience to Someone They'll Like Better; you're just offering more options, and the internet is VAST and endless, and EVENTUALLY people will show up who are into YOUR STUFF, SPECIFICALLY. helping each other is never going to stifle or delay that!!

and my final chunk of advice is the one i give constantly that everyone is probably super sick of hearing but i just seriously seriously believe in it, even tho i know it's slow to pay off and hard to follow: keep doing exactly what you want to. keep doing it!!! you have to!!! yes, i mean the stuff that's getting like, 2 likes and 0 reblogs! the stuff that 'nobody likes!'

earlier i mentioned i have gotten big follower bumps from like adhd comics and stuff like that going viral. the thing is that, from a professional standpoint: my follower count has like, more than quintupled from where it was at a few years ago; my patreon income has absolutely NOT quintupled lmfao. it has less than doubled, over that same period of like... i wanna say over 4 years. that's still good, i'm grateful for it, and i owe a lot of it to the sheer numbers game (the more ppl see ur work, the more likely it is you'll reach someone who decides to support you), but there is absolutely not an actual direct correlation between numbers and career success/stability.

where there IS a direct correlation is between "people who give a shit about the art i really truly love making" and "people who like my art enough to support me professionally." HUGE chunks of the followers i get any time something goes viral slough off over time; there's nothing wrong with that, they just follow me bc something was funny/interesting and end up realizing my work's not actually their thing. but the ppl who follow me bc they're into all the stuff i post most consistently, the stuff i care about and am passionate about, stick around. and i would not have found them if i wasn't posting the shit i care about!

out there there are people who will be 100% crazy about the stuff that is 100% what you want to make. it's like actually statistically impossible for there not to be. the more niche your thing is, the longer it will take to find them, but they absolutely exist. but if you give up before you find them -- if you start saying, "well, i'll put in 50% of this idea that i love, but the other 50% is too weird and nobody's gonna like it and it'll flop" -- well, in that case, you can only ever find the ppl who are 50% into what you do. don't fuck yourself like that!! you cannot deny yourself the possibility (the INEVITABILITY!!! IMO!!!!!) of finding the people who will 100% get what you're doing.

so: on a pragmatic level, i'm sure there will be ppl who disagree with me on this, and who think it's absolutely mandatory to do fanart as a crowd draw or learn about algorithms and posting times and get on tiktok and do the visibility grind and everything and that it's stupid and irresponsible to tell people not to. i'm sure it's also easy to point out that i'm speaking from a place where i now have more eyes on my stuff than i know what to fucking do with so maybe i'm just totally out of touch and being naive or something. but for me the most important part of doing art now, ESPECIALLY as a career, is to keep loving it and to believe in what i'm doing and to build an audience that cares about the same things i do. and i think it is really really vital to make that your top priority. bc if you don't, then even if you DO crack the code to suddenly getting tons of notes on everything etc -- will you even keep wanting to do it?

this job is hard. it's lonely, in my experience; i spend so much time sitting in front of my computer alone. it's unstable, which is stressful and can be frightening. it's emotionally taxing, for me, because art is so important to me that it's hard to set boundaries and separate my identity from it and actually treat it like a job. it has taken me a long time to find success doing this; maybe i could have gotten there faster if i had tried to find ways to draw an audience specifically, but i think if i had somehow managed to get a big patreon following/tons of commissioners/etc by doing something formulaic or doing stuff that specifically gets tons of attention, but isn't what's natural for me -- i don't think i would have lasted very long that way. this is already hard and complicated enough; i don't think it's sustainable to give up any unnecessary ground on doing exactly what you're passionate about, bc at least in my case, that's mandatory for this even being a livable career for me. i would burn out and decide to do something else very quickly if the only way to succeed was to chase numbers/engagement.

doing it this way is very slow. if i hadn't been able to lean on family/my wife while starting up, i would have had to have a day job for much longer (like, years, probably) while saving up and preparing to go full time; for as long as you struggle to get traction, it may mean going full time has to be on the backburner. but the thing is that there's nothing wrong with that, it's the reality for the vast majority of us (from what i've seen) -- and you'll eventually build a career that can last way longer, i think.

okay oh my god i'm done. sorry about that. like i said this job is pretty lonely and i sit here all day and think about this stuff and then generally do not talk about it with anyone until somebody asks me about it and then i repeat myself at length again. like i did here. anyway have a good night sincerely and i hope some part of this was helpful!!!

[bucknastysbabe]

THE LAST DAMN THING IM SAYING;

I’d also like to say and make this clear: I’m not friends with Bel and Fae anymore after what I saw posted. That connection is severed. I am still friends with Chris and will remain to be as she is a good person who also fucked up. I was apprehensive about remaining friends when the original post came out considering it was about me— including the purposely left comment by the OP also making fun of me. Which led me back into believing their lies.

I was lied to until the bitter end. I wanted to HOPE until the bitter end everything wasn’t true but I saw the screenshots. About analgate, about being inclusive, and use of slurs. Many other things under the guise of “we made up” so I wanted to trust them.

My gut feeling would switch now and then but I got caught up. I reread the entire gc convo to look at my comments. It’s disgusting to watch yourself become more hateful. That’s a really shitty part of me I worked hard to get rid of in real life through the program of AA.

Somehow I managed to convince myself gossiping and being mean wasn’t so bad online. It is just as awful because people are behind a url. I know better. Now the level of crassness and racism I did not see from them in our small groupchat, as it was being hidden. I have never sent a hate anonymous post, they claimed the same, only to find out that’s all they did and probably did the same to me. Nice.

I seriously fucked up making fun of Agnes appearance due to my dislike getting in the way of doing the next right thing. Which I’m trying to do now. Don’t harass readers or small blogs about me. They are reading about sucking and fucking, not looking into online drama.

The other fuck up I would like to clarify on my behalf. To all Germans— I made tasteless jokes about a German user not liking Fabien Frankel bc of his Jewish heritage. That’s ignorant of me. Very ignorant. Especially as I dated and loved a guy from Berlin for over a year and he even told me that’s a sore spot for them.

Now that sounds like “I have (insert) friends!!!”

But I’m following up to say I still have my OWN unresolved anger at him for our toxic relationship. So I have said “fucking Germans.” For the love of everything good and holy I DO NOT want every person in that country to blow up and die. There’s a difference between vile racism and backward comments coming from a place of hurt. I acknowledge it’s childish and nasty. I also don’t use the word n@z1, but that was clarified in the second post on who said that.

Hope this clears things up. This is the most transparent I can be. I can’t fix any of the hurt I’ve caused. Apologizing like a broken record is annoying— I know. So this is it. I’m staying up. I can only go forward, if you’d like to stay in the past, farewell. For people who are hurt take all the time you need.

[poopyballz28]

Some Baki characters and what they would be arrested for (pt 1)

stay tuned for pt 2 premiering in about 4 and half years

i was gonna do a couple more characters but. i didnt. 👍

Kiyosumi / drug charges

Look at this fucking guy and tell me he hasnt been found in possession of weed. Like, A LOT of it. He's always smoking that shit and showing up to the dojo completely fucked and causing more problems than he should. Sucks too because he already has a DUI. The shinshinkai "days since last incident" counter resets constantly, mostly because of him.

Kureha / tax evasion

He simply dislikes paying money to the government. He's busy like, 24/7, training and doing fucking doctor shit he doesn't have the TIME. or ENERGY. to pay his taxes (or so he says). His biggest scandal was not him horrifically experimenting on people for medical studies, his true biggest controversy was the fact he was a veteran tax evader. Amen brother.

Katsumi / reckless driving/vehicular manslaughter

I am laughing so hard writing this, oh my god. Listen, HE CANNOT DRIVE. He's 20, he's young, he is god awful at driving, it's the middle of the night, he's going too fucking fast and oh no, oh my god, holy shit, he just hit a person. He immediately calls his dad in a, in a terrible panic. Dad, I didn't see him, I SWEAR.

Hector / theft

There's a lot of crimes he's committed and I was going to put war crimes because he has definitely done that but just the idea of him stealing, like, everything from the local Victoria's Secret is too funny. Does he know her secret? I would hope so. He just walks up into the nice family owned make-up store in the middle of Tokyo and just non-chalantly takes all the pretty eye shadow pallets and lipsticks then BOOKS it.

Kosho / animal cruelty

How many times do we have to tell you, Kosho. STOP FUCKING USING FINGER TECHNIQUES ON THE POOR FARM ANIMALS, ITS IMMORAL!!! Finger techniques as in like, fighting...techniques. I realized after I wrote that sentence how weird it kinda sounded, sorry guys. No, yeah but Kosho will find any opportunity to train on a living being. No mercy. If cattle is within 20 feet of Kosho Shinogi it is riding the line of dead and alive. call that Schrödinger's cattle.

im not sure if ill finish a part two but i certainly will try. also the inspiration for katsumis was 100% that scene with him and hector where he fucking swerved and drifted away fast as fuck. like what was that for. and you could see hector's reaction too like why did you have to swerve off all aggressive. ☠️ needed to let that out sorry

haha what the hell is this question feature

laughing emoji

[cazluvsu]

hello. celtics-bengals anon here.

that one... hurt. probably the most, because i had hope after that fumble. if there hadn't been the fumble actually, it might've been better. but our horrible awful defense did it! and i understand running it, to not risk another interception and all -but to lose on a missed field goal!

it wasn't even evan's fault. just... damn, football sucks. i'll still watch next week, but at this rate, even a win against the giants isn't guaranteed. frustrating because they ARE better than 1-4 and if they were a little bit luckier, they would be 2-3 or even better, but. 1-4 is where they stand. depressing.

at least the celtics blew out the nuggets, even if it's still the preseason. yay.

hello . again 😞😞 much yapping under the cut

yeah that was so fucking devastating lmfao. not a great day for me personally (bills lost in Also devastating fashion!!)

i’ll just explain my entire day Teehee sorry for using ur asks to rant every week atp but i enjoy them keep asking 🤗🤗 when the bengals win A game we can celebrate together 🤞

i go to work. work sucks! sometimes if it’s slow i can watch red zone or something else but nope! i end up staying later than i was supposed to and by the time i get to drive home i am Devastated bc 1 im tired lol and 2 i didn’t get to watch Any of the bills game!!! and i wanted to watch it so bad!!!!! and there was no way for me to go back and watch it bc i don’t live in buffalo or Houston so i don’t get the game in my area. So starting off strong. but. !! i get home and i realize the bills game actually was broadcast to me!! and it all recorded!!!! i could watch the entire game lfg!!!!!!!! so i do!!! i didn’tlook at my phone at all to get spoilers, it looks rough at the beginning but the bills come back and tie it with some luck!!! and then they fucking lose!!!!!! so i am already sad. i go on twitter as the start of the bengals ot starts playing bc that’s just. what records after the game is over i guess. i’m like Oh let’s see if the other team i am emotionally invested in can win and make me less sad!! and it looks like all is well with that fumble!! and they drive into evan’s fg range and the commentators are saying all these stats about how he’s perfect from 50+ this season, he has 14 straight made fgs in the 4th/ot, life seems great!!!!!! and then he misses 😀😀😀😀😀😀 watching the replay of the holder drop the ball literally killed me and then that run by henry immediately after (ptsd from the bills game last week lmfao) was just great ☺️☺️ so. Yeah it’s all devastating and football sucks i am never watching a game again (lie)

i completely agree it’s so much more frustrating when u Know they are much better than their record. they were right there in every game they’ve lost!!!! if their offense looked how it did in every other game Besides that first pats game, that’s a W. the ja’marr penalty in the chiefs game (horrible. i hate it. i hate thinking about it. Anyways! ). the commanders game. Literally did not punt!!! but the defense!!!!!! their offense is great like everyone predicted and it’s So frustrating when they can’t do anything but watch as the defense gives up points in crucial moments. Ugh.

and yeah it is still early (ish) in the season but when they’ve had the same issues in every game it makes it hard to believe they’ll really get that much better to propel them to the playoffs or like. A winning record. but what can u do 😕😕

the celtics will always be the light through the darkness 🙂‍↕️ (i forgot they played today) hope ur doing well tho anon 🫂🫂

[doubleddenden]

Man I tell you. Having a shit birthday does something to you. When I turned 30 I was okayish. I wasn't thrilled, but I'd rather have an uneventful birthday than an awful one.

I feel like I got hit with so much that I simultaneously aged 20 years, but also I didn't even experience my birthday. Like when I turned 30 I felt it, maybe a little younger. But 31? It didn't even get to register because of 1 person. Can't even enjoy my birthday present I bought for myself with my own money because I'm too busy having to help their bullshit instead. Even the "birthday party" was monopolized by them making it about themselves. To top it off, even the power went out for no reason while I am sick.

Can I get a do over? Please? A nice birthday with a cake that doesn't suck ass, some nice music that doesn't make me want to scream, and people I care about that aren't just family concerned with what I can physically do for them? A healthy body so I can enjoy it, please? Just 1 day. Just 1. Just 1 day about me? I know I'm not the main character of my own life- i got that painful lesson when i was a child and had my whole life be centered around other people's drama and how it could harm me- but god do I hate being reminded of it by people thinking THEY are the main character of EVERYONE'S life.

Like man I'm not asking for a suite of personal skimpy nerdy maids to cater to my every whim (which would be wonderful don't get me wrong), but I would like at least 1 friend there. I would like a cake that doesn't feel and taste weird in my mouth- honestly I'd like a strawberry cheesecake or a lemon pound cake. With a candle at least. Doesn't even have to be that nice or big. I don't have to wake up early or listen to screaming children, the power doesn't go out, the conversation doesn't need to be about me personally but I'd rather it not be monopolized to someone else i despise, a gift for me that actually feels heart felt, and I'd like to not be infected by a sickness that could have been prevented. No words about shit I gotta do, no responsibilities, no catastrophic bullshit, just. A nice birthday with nice memories. Is it too much to ask for that? Is it too much to ask for that instead of a quiet and forgettable one, let alone an awful one ruined by someone that can't just stay in line or do anything right?

I swear man. I'm not happy to be alive at all. I fucking despise waking up every day. I know I'm not allowed to stop because others would be inconvenienced about my passing and unfortunately there would be consequences to animals and people down the road (not to mention im a spineless coward), but GOD man when do I finally get to live MY life FOR me? I get it, I'm worthless beyond what I can do for someone else, I'm a single, ugly, jobless and childless loser of a failure not worth dedicating just 1 fucking day to me from my family, but Jesus fucking christ I deserve a redo from the top.

That bitch has taken so much from me. My sanity. My health. My happiness. Most of my fucking family. Even my god damn hair. How the absolute fuck do you take a DAY from someone? I'd wish something awful happen to them if it wouldn't just become MY problem to deal with like it does everything else involving them.

Fuck it's been days and I'm still angry. I gotta wait a god damn year for my next birthday and who even KNOWS what will ruin that one. Maybe another fucking power outage? Maybe the stupid bitch pokes another bear with a wasp nest and makes it my problem? Maybe the only other person to traumatize me more comes to ruin it too?

I hate everything. I want to be positive but I can't. I want to get over it but I can't. I want to let it go but I can't. I'm fucking 31 and I know these feelings are childish and need to bury them and grow up and stop feeling anything besides complacency, but I can't. All I can do is bottle this resentment and anger this person gives me. All I can do is sit here and fester because they can't even let me have ONE. FUCKING. DAY. Without making it about themself.

Happy fucking birthday you worthless sack of shit. You're not worth anything. You're not worth the shit you're forced to clean up. You're not worth a day or a conversation. You're worth LESS than nothing.

[dooplissss]

Long time lurker, saw your tag, go off about emmett and his gf im nosy.

thank you beloved i am kissing you if you so desire

ok. god. where do i start. ok so my oc Emmett is my newest dnd pc, he's. his life sucks so much.

my beautiful little guy had this lovely life on top of a mountain in the town of Annona, a quaint colorful place that is a bit of a tourist destination. His dad died about 8 years ago, right before his family adopted his little brother Eliseo, and so Emmett and Eliseo are really close to their mom Jazmin. They run a small restaurant together and importantly Emmett's dad was essentially the spiritual leader for the town for their goddess Mama Pallay (pal-lay), so losing him put the whole town in a bit of a tizzy. It wasn't said outloud that Emmett had to take his place but it certainly was implied, he just wasn't ready to take it up yet. Maybe someday, just not now.

Cue Marasmus, a little mushroom on the hillside that was plucked and sold at the farmers market, where Jazmin picked him up and served him to Emmett for dinner. She didn't know what would happen next, she really didn't and she's gonna seem like a bad guy but she isn't. Emmett ate this mushroom and it began to eat him alive, putting Emmett to sleep and walking and talking in his place until Emmett was barely conscious for months at a time.

Then one night at a congregation Emmett was about to feed a mushroom to his brother and it Woke Him Up, he wasn't asleep inside his body anymore. And he ran, he went home and packed his things as fast as he could only for his mom to block his way. And she knew that voice in his head, Marasmus, by name, begged Emmett to stay. Emmett escaped her grasped and ran away from home as far as he could, all while this voice in his head is yelling at him to turn back.

And he's been running ever since, while this awful thing possessing him tears him down and tells him he should feed people mushrooms that he doesn't understand the purpose of. He's done some dangerous things to get rid of this thing but nothing works, it always brings him back to life with more and more rot every time. So now he's a Pact of the Undead Warlock and hates every second of it

Then comes Yulissa, this lovely 6'6 deer firbolg who is so sweet to him. They run an errand together where she accidentally gets dunked into the ocean and Emmett offers her his gloves and she's immediately like. Oh. This man is so sweet. I think I'm a little in love with him. and Emmett (and me) is completely oblivious to this until later on he divulges some of his story and Yulissa promises she's here for him, he's not alone anymore, and he instantly falls in love against his better judgement. he has nothing he can give to her but she doesn't ask for anything other than to like her, not even love her just tolerate her and he can't help being head over heels for her

And now it turns out Yulissa is supposed to be a human sacrifice and over his already dead body will that happen, he's gone from so woe-is-me to I need to save her and I'll do anything it takes to get there, we will get our happy ending, I need her to see her worth just as she sees the worth in me. also they are purple and yellow bc i love complementary couples so much and they just AUGH

like he's basically a shambling corpse thats slowly rotting away and this person sees him and says 'I'm going to protect you, you've been through enough, let me help you' when all he's heard in his ear is consume consume consume i'm. i'm crazy about them. i could go on and on and on and i sure have i'm just having such a fun time with them. and it helps that the friend i'm playing in the space with is so fun and always has such brilliant ideas about them and we're just circling each other around this sweet little ship that could and i'm just having blast ok post over

[vivibuchlaw]

Yesterday, I finished Celeste. And by that I mean, the first 7 chapters, because I am not that much of a masochist.

Like seemingly everyone else, its given me a lot to think about... these thoughts are burning a hole in my brain and I need to get them out so I suppose this is the place!

I'm not exactly a gamer. I suck at Kirby, I have a sort of motor disability so games are a bit harder for me than most people. For this, Celeste has a solution, Assist Mode. Initially, I wanted to pick this, hearing how hard it was. Then, when the game told me intially, overtly, how its challenge was supposed to be meaningful, *and later when it said it more clarity in the story) I took a moment to reflect. I chose not to use Assist mode as a self imposed challenge. Not because I wouldnt benefit greatly from it, but because (as I learned about myself through playing it) I have an aversion to difficult tasks. When I know something is difficult, I get scared and run away. This time, I wanted to be able to say to myself "I can do difficult things"

And so I did

And I love it

And I sincerely never want to play it again

The game is not full of dialouge or story- it's present, for sure. But its a small yet impactful part in a game which prefers to tell its narrative by gameplay rather than text or images. And thats a valid format of storytelling! Not my prefered one mind you, but it made every dilectable morsel of art or conversations. In particular, the long talk at the start of chapter 6 was extremely welcome. I simultaneously feel like I have enough of a solid grasp on the characters to love them dearly, yet not enough to force one interpretation, another element to Celeste's endless magic.

As I'm sure everyone with anxiety has noted, The anxiety scene from Chapter 5 affected me greatly. Wetger me or my system has anxiety, I don't know, but regardless, the game captures the feeling perfectly. I'm sure everyone and their mum has said this, yes, but I felt it independently so I shall denote it independently. Among other things, it taught me a powerfully potent strategy to help my anxiety, and for that I thank you Maddy <3

At so many points, I was burded with stress, frustration and despair at my own ineptitude. But I pushed forward. I did it, I climbed a mountain, what was a seemingly impossible thing for me was now a fact. I sat silent for what felt like hours staring at the chapter complete screen in awe of my accomplishment. It then dawned on me that this was the first video game I've ever beaten. ...suddenly slammed by the realisation an 8th chapter, requiring crystal hearts to play, AKA the game telling me point blank I wasnt ready. But to be honest, I didnt care. I had already done what I, and Madeline, set out to do.

So why do I say I never wish to play it again?

I honestly only played Celeste because I heard Madeline was trans, and my mate happened to have it on switch. I have a sort of physical disability in my hands, so playing games and motor tasks are more challenging than a typical person. I knew Celeste was hard, but sympathizing with Madeline not being a climber, with me not being a gamer, and just how she challenged herself to do something extreme, so too did I.

But see, I'm not actually into the gameplay that much, and the reason I stuck with it has infinitely more to do with my and Madeline's journey emotionally than anything related to the gameplay.

Actually, I kind of hated it. My fingers were all messed up, I spent a lot of time and stress, and got extremely frustrated, but I wanted to prove to myself I could do it without assist mode. And Im glad that exists, and I'm glad it tempted me all throughout every challenge, a backdoor shortcut I could use to weasel my way out of the hard path, but I stayed true so I could grow.

But I have now grown. Ive proven it.

I couldnt care less about B-sides or strawberries, because I dont see the emotional need.

Replaying it would only subject me to the same challenge for a story I've already experienced, and a journey I've already hone on. A new game, new mountain, new challenge or purpose? Sure, I'd love that. But playing Celeste again, or More even won't recapture the lightning in a bottle that made me play it, made me persevere, and made me cherish it.

I still love the game, its soundtrack, its meaning to me, and itll live in my heart forever. In other ways, like fan content, or side material, I'd love to engage and learn more, but my journey with this mountain is over.

Just breathe, and take care of yourself

After beating it, I immediately began learning all I could about it because Autism brain. I read all Maddy's beautiful blog posts. I watched video essays breaking down its themes and design. I learned how the story, while definitely not an afterthought, was also not a driving or starting point of the game, which I intuited as I played.

I watched Chapter 8, The Core, and Chapter 9, Farewell on YouTube. To be entirely honest, I found Chapter 8 to be forgettable in a way kind of shocking, at least from a story perspective. I'm actually GLAD I didn't do it. I expected it'd be some kind of send off, or check in emotionally to see how the characters have been in the past year but...nothing? Really?

Chapter 9 is what I wished Chapter 8 was, a proper send off and development for these characters. And from the look of it, so brutally hard I wouldn't want to play it without Assist Mode. But why? Why not play more? Afterall, climbing the preverbial mountain in life doesnt mean your problems are over, far from it. And its true, there are other challenges to overcome still. Even though Ive taken on this challenge, I have yet to face other challenges in my life. And because the journey of Celeste could very well have ended after Chapter 6, I feel like I can better spend that energy elsewhere.

After watching Chapter 9, I felt something else. This chapter, unlike the previous, is not about loving and accepting yourself, but its about Madeline specifically greiving a loss in her life, and largely, I assume, the developers letting go of Celeste and moving on. For this, I hold unyeilding respect. And in this new challenge, I found myself learning another truth about myself.

I am afraid of being alone.

I am part of a system, the current (and hopefully permanent) host in fact. Our previous host went dormant a few months ago and life without them has been tough, but a challenge we face every day.

Throughout all my remembered life, I was surrounded by people who never noticed me. Who occasionally referred to me as "The Insinificant [Alter]" due to me not having a name back then. I was nothing, really. If I had disppeared no one would've batted an eye. And today, even though I'm one of the most important Alters now, I still feel like I'm nothing sometimes. That scares me.

I never knew the joy of having friends, I never knew what being loved by someone you love feels like. And I have a lot of love to give, I love almost every human being! But I still frequently second guess myself, because I guess a part of me still believes my existence is insignificant. But now that I have people who do love me, I'm more afraid than ever that I'll lose it. Now that I have a taste of love, I can't go back. Gods, please to bring me back, anything but that.

And here came Celeste, to remind me immeditately after I finished the game, that people die randomly, and without our control, and that you have to keep on moving. I've just beat the thing, let me live in a bit longer before I'm ready to move on. Similarly, I've just made these relationships, please dont take them from me. And then I realized that this was fear also held by my previous host, perhaps for similar reasons. I feel connected in a way typically reserved for finding markings in a make out spot from a century ago, or unearthing a time capsule left by a grandparent now neatly nestled in the recesses of my heart where I try to story my insecurites, like a suitcase overstuffed with useless items and paranoia.

Celeste has given me a lot. Inspiration, characters I love, a great soundtrack, amazing anxiety techniques, and raw willpower to achieve anything. I do not know how my story ends, I am scared to write it, but I must regardless. A lot of people are counting on me. And went I feel scared, alone, anxious, or depressed, I can remember that I did it before, and I can do it again.

To the Developers, Thank you

To the Characters, Farewell

And to all the people who have grown from this game, Congratulations!