#and like no matter how fucking hard I try I can't talk to my drs about fucking anything bc they refuse to LISTEN to me and I go into my

[idesofrevolution]

The Journey of Dr. Santana Fabrega

There's nothing quite like your bro slobberin' over your sweaty feet while tokin' on a hookah. Let me just tell you- everybody's happy. I'm stoked to be stoned and minty fresh, and he's happy to taste my ripe size 12's. Who isn't the happiest? The folks. Sure, I dropped out of college, sure I started focusing one hundred percent on my art, sure I have a parade of guys out of my little basement lair... but I never got why they had to be such fuckin' buzzkills.

Ever since they joined that church when I was at uni, my parents have been sucked into the Evangelical cult. Not the whole lifting your hands up to Jesus & speaking in tongues sort of church, by the way. Man, they're out there with picket signs at sex clinics, bannin' books at the high school, all that crazy fuckin' Christian Nation bullshit. They're my parents, so I love 'em and whatever. But fuck, those psychos really fucked 'em up. So now, their crusade is "curing" me of my gayness. Didn't really matter that I'm pan, they don't really know the difference. They don't really care about the difference, though. Not straight, not right.

So when they caught me the other day with Sam cleanin' my dick in the basement, it was World War 3. Man, a Nuclear Bomb would have less energy than my mom's hysterical shrieking. It's Florida, so it's nothing the neighbors haven't heard before. But, shit. I thought my eardrums were gonna pop. They stomped off upstairs, bein' all 'we are going to talk about this later, Santiago.' So, I let Sammy finish up, I pulled on some shorts and I went upstairs to face the fire while he snuck out the basement window. Fuck, I wished I were him.

The 'family meeting' went about as well as you'd expect. Threats of burning in hell for all eternity, demands that I find the Lord, etc. Apparently he doesn't like a lot of things about me: my weed, my tattoos, my sexuality, my piercings, my hair for some reason? I don't know man, I just tuned out after a while. What I did catch, though, they were sending me to substance abuse counseling. Couldn't help but laugh, and that sent dad through the fuckin' roof.

"Doctor Fabrega is going to teach you some manners, young man. Make you a Godly man, like you should be." Yada yada yada. He should have known better than to give me the doc's name. After the ass reaming, I made my way back downstairs to the computer. It took five minutes of research to find this Doctor Fabrega. Turns out he's a Christian Therapist, but that wasn't what was most interesting. Down in his specializations, buried beneath substance abuse & cognitive behavioral therapy was a word that caught my eye: licensed Hypnotherapist.

I knew exactly what kind of bullshit they were tryin' to pull on me. But when I was enrolled at U Miami, my major was Psychology. Not only that, but I still happened to have access to the university library. Oops.

I texted Sammy, knowing I was gonna be up all night doing research, and that my dick would need some appropriate attention under the desk. I was gonna show this motherfucker just how sick it really is to be like me.

---

The waiting room was bullshit. Cold white walls, bright wood floors... It looked straight out of an IKEA ad. I'd already been there for like 20 minutes past my appointment time, giving me just enough time to scroll through the last chapter on my phone. I hear the receptionist call out my name, and I head toward the office. Just as bullshit as the waiting room. It's like the guy wants to live in a psych ward- no color anywhere. At least get a blacklight or something.

"Santiago Rivera. Welcome, I'm Dr. Fabrega." The guy was hot as fuck, not gonna lie. Looked like he was straight out of Sao Paulo- even with the fancy suit you can't hide muscle like that. "Please, sit. It's so good to meet you." His voice was so weird. Speaking every word with like, perfect diction. You know those AI voices that talk that way? That's what it was like, as if he were trying so hard to hide an accent underneath.

"Just call me Santi, doc." I plopped down on the leather chair, might have put my feet up on his coffee table (don't recall), and he just looked at me like he was looking in a microscope. No idea what the deal was. He walked over to the couch and sat down with my file and started to drone on.

"Alright, Santi, it says here that your parents are pretty concerned about your behavior lately. You're 23 years old and a college dropout, you take illicit drugs, you have no job, and you're having unnatural thoughts. That's quite the list, bud." He was so fuckin smug, that sort of punchable glibness that only comes from a particular kind of self righteousness. Like Jesus himself came down and kissed them.

"So, first off. I did drop out of college, because I couldn't afford it. Second, I sure the fuck do smoke green because it's a) fun, and b) prescribed to me by my real doctor. Third, I do have a job. I do graphic design and graffiti art and I pay my own bills with it. And last off, yup: I fucked him." He sat there, somehow shocked that I told him how it was right off the bat. I'm not playing his little game, and that made him angry.

"I see. So you have no remorse for any of this? I believe your parents are very right to be concerned about where your life is headed."

"Fascinating, considering I'm moving out at the end of the month and they won't need to deal with my life. So. You married?" He was thrown off by that, just as I'd hoped. Right out of the blue. Knocks them off kilter for a second. An easy question to answer, so they usually do.

"Uh, well, no I'm not married. Is that your concern in all this?" Man, I couldn't help but laugh. He's trying to be sarcastic?

"Where did ya go to school for... whatever this is." This made him close my file, he even put it on the table and crossed his arms.

"I went to Liberty University, top of my class in their Doctor of Psychology program. You, it seems didn't make it that far, so you might not know what 'this' is." Oooh, he's big mad. I thought, let's push it. I did what most of my guys love, but would piss him off, I kicked off the Vans. Made sure I wore my skating shoes that day, the super ripe ones with the same damp socks. When they came off, those puppies let their presence be known.

"Sounds boring. Boring then, boring now. I got accepted into the Art Institute in Savannah, so I'll be headed that way soon. Be legit soon, then you wouldn't have anything to say. How's your sex life?" He thought he was so tough, not flinching at the musk, nor my question. But I knew both hit him right where I wanted. The question to make him mad, the stink to get him hot.

"Santiago, I think we should continue with our session. You can put your shoes back on and we can try some exercises to help you think a bit more clearly." I crossed my ankles, wriggling my toes a bit.

"I think they need some air. Are you gonna try and hypnotize me now? Or is that the last ditch effort when everything else fails?" He leaned back in his seat, the grimace growing stronger. "That stuff is not that hard to master. A couple days really and you got it down."

"Is that so?" He ground his teeth as he spat out his words. "It seems you know all there is to know, then." Time to hit it home.

"You know what, let's put money on it, doc. Hundred bucks says I can put you under." I got him, his eyebrow shifted just enough for me to see.

"This isn't a casino, Santiago. I don't bet money on client's health." I couldn't help but smirk. He left an opening I couldn't pass up.

"Aight, no money then. If I put you under, I get the bragging rights. If I don't, I'll play your stupid games. Win-win for you, nothing to lose but your dignity." Hook, line and sinker; he leaned in, grabbing the remote on the table next to him. He tapped a button, and the shades started to come down.

"Well then, Mr. Rivera. I wish you luck."

The room got dark. Really fuckin' dark. Fabrega hit another button on the remote, and a cool blue washed over the room. Gotta say, tight LED system. I kicked my shoes off the table, and scooted my chair forward. Showtime.

"Alright, Santana, I want you to just take deep breaths." He squirmed at my use of his first name, one last dig before I brain fucked him. He took his deep breaths one at a time, slowly getting deeper and deeper. "As I count down from one to ten, each number will bring you closer and closer to relaxation. Picture a long tunnel, at the end, a bright white light. With every number, you take a step forward to the light, do you understand?"

He nodded, it was an induction I'd made up this morning. I started from 10, telling him his first step he could feel the tingling relaxation in the tips of his fingers, slowly crawling up his hands and forearms. 9. Another step, the tingling creeps up his big muscly arms and shoulders. 8. One more step, the tingling is pushing up his neck and throat, reaching his tongue and teeth. 7. The tingling bursts into his head, a paradoxical rush of relaxation, a fog of dissonance washes over his brain as thoughts collide and crash about. 6. The tingling washes down his spine, flowing through his nerves into every part of his body. His body feels electric, a painless jolt running throughout him. I watched as he tensed up, his big muscles contracting and bunching him up. It was working.

We get to 5, starting at the crown of his head, the volts decrease, turning lugubrious and liquified like molasses sloshing about in his head. 4. The light is so close he can feel the heat, but his body is cooled as the syrupy fluid flows down over him like a waterfall, pooling in his big feet as it fills every crevice. 3. It feels as if he's trudging through mud toward the light, his legs feeling wobbly and gelatinous. 2. So close, his whole body feels like a massless blob, inching toward the final drop into the cavernous light. 1. He crawls toward the ledge, plummeting down into the endless void of bright white light. There, he will sit as I have a little bit of fun.

"Alright, Santana. Can you hear me in there?" Fabrega nods, expressionless. Fuck, that was maybe a 80/20 chance I was gonna fuck this shit up so bad. But I guess God really is on my side here. "Whenever I ask a question, you will answer truthfully. Whatever I say you will incorporate into your life. Now, Santana, what do you do when you're not at work?" His lips moved slowly and replied in monotone.

"I go to the gym, I go to the golf course, I hire my date, and I go home." Ooooh shit. He's giving my friends on the corners a decent living, good for him. Hardly a Godly thing to do. Either way, it was a perfect place to start.

"You love going to the gym, don't you, Santana?" He nodded. "You love gettin' all sweaty don't you?" His head began to shake, his expression furrowing a bit in disgust. "No, Santana. You love getting all sweaty. The feeling of those cool droplets on your hot muscles during a hard workout? Doesn't it feel good?" He pauses, before reluctantly nodding. Ahh I love gettin my fingers in his brain, never ceases to please. "You love that funk that comes off your sweat, Santana. You love sniffin your pits, your big feet, your balls... That musk means you're workin' hard. Keeping in shape. Staying virile. Isn't that right?" He nodded, squirming in the chair. I watched his body try to reject the instructions, try to rebel, but just one repetition had his back to stillness.

"You don't even like golf, do you?" He nodded, I didn't even need to manipulate him. "You much prefer hitting the beach, don't you? Seein' all the guys and gals starin' at your glorious bod... You love it, don't you?" He nodded, the side of his lip curling ever so slightly. "You love bringing out the speedo, letting the goods hang low, letting the buns bulge... you know they all wanna see it anyway..." He nodded again, it was like taking candy from a baby. The guy had the mental fortitude of a frog.

"You like fucking, too. You can have any girl or guy on the street with a single wink." He nodded, and I couldn't help but watch as his groin started to bulge. "Yeah, boy. You love taking that horse cock and plowing it into some ass... plowing it into some pussy... fucking their pretty little mouths..." Drool started to drip from the corner of his lip, and a little wet spot quickly appeared on his pants. "You're a freak, aren't you, Santana? You like fuckin' in the car, in the sauna, at the gym, under the desk... gushing gallons into them while you shove your sneaker on their face." He was moaning, slowly grinding against the open air. Can't lie, I was gropin' myself a bit just watching him.

"Now, Santana. I'm going to bring you back to your office, but when I do, you are going to be super laid back and chill with Santi during your sessions. If he says the word 'sniff' you will return to this space, return to an open mind, just as we have done here today. Do you understand?" He nodded one final time before I began his emergence. Counting back from one to ten, I watched as he slowly came back to the real world, and with one snap, he blinked his eyes and wiped his brow.

"Well, doc. I got the bragging rights." Fabrega pinched the bridge of his nose, as if he had a headache. Time to see if it had all paid off.

"Uhh... yeah... Santi. You got me there..." Perfect. He pulled his hand away from his nose, clicking the shades back up to their little hole. It didn't take long until he saw the wet patch on his bulbous package. He chuckled under his breath. "You'll have to excuse the mess, Santi... I have hyperspermia, so sometimes it all just flows out." Hot- and totally unprofessional. Just how I like 'em. I leaned back in my chair, smirkin' the whole way.

"Damn, doc. Firehose down there. Gonna have to show me sometime." He smirked and waved me off.

"I don't fraternize with clients, Santi. Oh, look at the time. I'm late for my 5:30. Alright, I'll see you next week." He stood up, extending his hand, his whole demeanor entirely changed. I slipped my Vans back on, spitting on my hand before gripping his. He shuddered a bit, sure. But we were gonna get real close, real quick.

---

The next few days flew by. My folks were so excited to see that I was looking forward to seeing Dr. Fabrega, and I loved knowing what they didn't. I was excited to see if Dr. Fabrega was gonna be Santana. So when I finally got back in for my appointment, I didn't need to wait long at all. Only five minutes and the door swung open, the receptionist completely flustered. The anticipation was killing me. She sat down behind her computer with tunnel vision and I walked into the office.

At first, I thought it was empty. He wasn't sitting at his desk, on the couch... but as I heard huffing from the balcony, I knew where to find him. I walked up to the sliding glass door, and turned outside to see one hell of a sight.

It was Santana. Nothing on but his whitie-tighties and his damp socks doing pushups on the bench. Fuck, those muscles were glistening in the light, his underwear with damp patches on his ass and bulge. His clothes sat in a pile near his head: jeans, a Miami Heat jersey, some sick dunks I wanted to steal... far from the stuffy suit he had on just the week before. He finally noticed me, and smiled.

"Santi! Hey! Just finishing up my lunch workout. Thought I'd get a session in today on the balcony. Damn, the fresh air is good for exercise!" I smirked. It was night and day. So far, gone was the bible thumping hypocrite, and here was what was underneath. If anything I was doing him a service.

"Shit, Santana! You're looking prime today. You gonna funk out our session today, or?" I punched him in the shoulder, and he giggled like a kid.

"It's eau naturale, my friend. Natural water. That's what it smells like." He slipped on his jeans and his big fuckin' sneakers, tossing the jersey over his head while we walked in. He trailed some deliciously ripe musk, and I couldn't help but savor a bit of it. We plopped down on our seats, and just started shootin' shit. I bitched about the parents, he bitched about his receptionist, I told him about Sammy suckin' my dick clean, and he told me about the threesome with a gym bro and his girlfriend. He was coming along beautifully. Though, I thought to myself, how's about a round two?

"Dude, by the way, those kicks are fuckin' tight." I pointed to the dunks, which he smugly kicked up onto the coffee table, showing them off.

"Thanks, man. They're the lifting shoes. My work boots, heh." I reached out, grabbing ahold of his foot, and yanked it off. He chuckled like a fuckin' idiot while I looked at 'em. Size 13, nice and big- and the smell wafting out of there... Fuck, man.

"Damn, dude you never wash your socks? These stink!" I playfully tossed the shoe at him, and just as he started to brush off the comment, I said my magic word. "Sniff it." Like a flipped lightswitch, his expression turned numb, slowly bringing the shoe to his nose and inhaling his own musk. I clapped my hands, rubbing them together: let's do a little more programming.

"Santana, You're a pretty chill guy, you know that?" He nodded. "You smoke, don't you? You know, the good shit?" Deep in his mind, he had to know it was me talking at this point, so I was talking to him like a bro. Establishes trust, ya know? He shook his head no. "Ahh, come on man. You love kickin' back and toking on that reefer after a long workout." Santana chuckled a bit, before nodding, still nose deep in his sneaker. "Yeah, you love smokin' out your bros, your babes... when you're not shootin' tequila!" He full out laughed on that one, nodding along. The sneaker slowly dropped from his hand, and he laid back in his chair.

"How old are you, Santana?"

"28." Shit, he was only a few years older than me. I mean, he looked young. But hell, you wouldn't have known it from the way he acted.

"Where are you from?" "Rio de Janeiro." Interesting. I clocked the accent. I was pretty proud of myself.

"Why do you try so hard to hide it? The way you talk, the way you dress, the way you act... You act like you're from Ohio." Another chuckle, I should have had a Netflix special. "You're gonna embrace that Brazilian pride, bro. Don't hide it for some mayo drinking buzzkills!" He furrowed his brow, nodding intently. This one was for his own fuckin' good. Be proud of that shit! "You should get some ink to really embrace it. Nothin' sexier than a tatted up stud, am I right?" He nodded again, his bulge once more springing to life. I smirked, simply wanting to know a little something somethin'.

"Do you think Santi is hot?" He sat there for a second, before slowly smiling and nodding. I didn't even need to program that one. Aww, big old himbo. "You're not afraid to let him know, are ya? I mean if you tell his crazy fuckin' parents that he's cured... He wouldn't be your patient anymore... Right?" His bulge twitched again, and he smirked devilishly as he nodded. "You like it when he's all up in your brain, don't you? You like it when he gets his dick deep in there and mind fucks you into a chill, laid back stud. Don't ya?" The dampness grew and his breath got heavy. He nodded, drooling down the sides of his cheeks. "Yeah, you wanna let him in completely, don't ya? Make you like him?" Moans grew, and his thrusting in the air quickened pace. "You wanna be best bros with him, don't ya? Bros with benefits... hangin' out, smokin' weed, hittin' the clubs, swappin' spit... swappin' cum... swappin' subs..." He started fuckin' howl. He was beggin' to splurge. "When I tell you, you will cum. And when you do, everything we talked about will be your truth. Now... Cum."

His eyes opened, still moaning loudly. He gripped onto his jeans, pulling down the waistband and underwear, that big old uncut donkey dick flopping out before shooting his load all over himself. Volley after volley. He wasn't kidding about the hyperspermia: maybe four double shots of his spunk sprayed like a geyser into the air. The 8th Natural Wonder of the World. He laid back and chuckled, throwing his arms behind his head.

"Fuck, brother!" The thickest accent flowed of those lips, deliciously thick. "After today, that'll be down your throat, cara." He pointed at me, hopping to his feet and shoving his python back into his pants. "So, I'll write your discharge papers, it'll get the pais off your back. Act the part until you're out, and just go live." Fuck yeah, we high fived, and I ruffled that sweaty mullet of his. "Hey, come over tonight. I got some friends comin' over... if you and Sammy wanna join." He winked and slapped my back. Damn, I did good.

"I'll be there, man! You save me a round so I can show you how to clean this dick." I groped my bulge, smirking as his bit his lip and winked. I've created a monster.

---

"Ei, sexy! Come get a toke before it's gone!" Such a demanding little bitch, I love him. I slipped his filled condom off my cock, the kinky fucker insisted, and I happily complied. If I'm being real, this psycho has taught me things! I flushed it down the toilet, and swung the bathroom door open to see him lounging on his bed, toking away at the blunt I packed.

"Hey you fuckin' hog, don't you smoke it all!" He chuckled dumbly, reaching over to hand me the blunt, taking the opportunity to snatch my wrist and pull me forward into a kiss. Fuck those lips were so good, pressed against mine or around my cock. "Isn't Carrie coming over soon? You gonna be able to get off so quick?" I pushed away, taking my puff.

"Ahh, plenty to go around, eh?" He groped that musky bulge that I had a feeling Sammy would be huffing later. "Ey, bring me my pants. We can go get a shot before she gets here." Heh, the last month or so crashing with him has been fuckin' sick. The folks think I'm rooming with some guy from the church, when really I'm gooning with my therapist every night in his bed. Savannah is letting me take online courses, I'll have my B.A. in a couple of years, and I'm already getting some gallery hits. Santana is gonna be my armcandy for the opening, and I told him to forget his deodorant. Fuck he’s perfect. But a thought had crept in my head the other day. One last program, one final idea planted in his head... Though, at this point, there was no need to put him under. I'd just ask him.

"Hey, so I gotta go to Georgia to finish up some paperwork at the school. It got me thinking... I'm followin' my dream. What about you?" I tossed him his pants and passed the blunt, taking a deep whiff of those ripe dunks before throwing them his way too.

"I could go back to the practice, though I think the bible thumpers would lose their minds, heh."

"Well... What we did for eachother... What if you did it for others?" I slowly got down to my knees, a smirk crawling across my face. "What if you could help those poor... misguided young men change their lives?" I crawled toward him, spreading his legs wide as I tossed his legs over my shoulders. "Wouldn't that be so... so... fun?" I slowly pulled down his musky briefs, releasing his monstrous cock again, the musky hooded beast slapping me on my cheek. "Then, we could have so... many... new.. friends..." I pulled down his slimy hood and wrapped my lips around his tip. I should have known better. His hand grabbed the back of my head, slamming it down onto his spear, my nose buried in his bush as he thrust back and forth into my mouth.

"Unff... Yeah, brother... Oh yeah... That sounds like a good... unhhhhh... good idea." Grunting, slapping, moaning, slurping... it all rang out in his room, until he gushed another thick load down my throat. "You wanna join me?" And in that moment, I smiled. It was the best idea he'd had yet.

[lllllllllllines]

(I urge that you read this to the end, as I know some of you will take pieces of what is said here and use it as ammunition for more drama. I can't really do tl;dr because i feel like it would ruin a lot of my points)

I don't usually like to deal with drama or discourse in general leaves a bad but I feel like this needs to be said.

This discourse is stupid, a lot of different points on either side due to several reasons at least in my opinion.

Ive seen many people who were against palworld use claims for stolen designs, mentions of AI art as well as lots of people either acting in defense of game freak/TPC/Nintendo as well as some acting in defense of artistic integrity.

I've seen the people who were for the game act in one singular way while just trying to have fun with it(which i cannot deny, it looks fun as fuck).

This being them claiming that they are just kissing the boots of Nintendo, though i don't think its quite fair to put them in the same category.

Just have fun with the game, no need to engage with the hate if you don't want to(even though i know it's difficult, especially when it's staring you in the face).

For those who are for, I only have a couple things to say.

Companies are not faceless entities, I know that this sounds like basic knowledge but I've noticed that's not something people usually mention.

Not everyone who attacks this game, cares for pokemon. Im gonna go in more depth when i get to them, but i feel like this needs be said.

While there are many good things on the internet, the internet as a whole, especially nowadays, is chaos and pain.

So many different opinions, leading to low self-esteem and rage.

You just want to have fun, you probably don't like pokemon, or if you do, you probably don't like what they've been doing with it.

You've seen the early trailers and had a laugh, found out this year that it came out, sought it out be cause hey, could be a bit of a meme.

But soon you start to actually have fun with it and hope it succeeds, despite some of the designs not being totally original, and you don't care.

But soon, like usual, you find that there are people who dislike the game.

In the real world, it doesn't matter to you, it rolls off you like nothing, because you don't know them, maybe you get into a heated argument with a friend.

But as soon as you hit the internet, you feel as though people are personally attacking something you like, (emotions are hard to convey through text) so you defend.

Not really caring about how it sounds to those you desperately fight against.

But in the end that's just adding fuel to the flame.

(though I can say that this discourse is great publicity for the game, good or bad it still lets people know that it exists.)

So just have fun with it.

(Unless dealing with discourse like this is fun for you idk)

For those who are against,

I am first going to speak to those who seem to want to defend Game Freak/TPC/Nintendo and those who speak for artistic integrity.

Why do any of your thoughts matter when it comes to a company.

as I had stated earlier, people usually associate companies and conglomerates as faceless entities.

They don't see them like systems, heavily broken systems, like if a beehive were born from an unloving tyrannical queen.

The ones at the top exist to fill their pockets while those at the bottom suffer for it.

I bet around half of the people speaking of artistic integrity don't really know the names of the designers of each pokemon(and to those who do, I'm glad, cause then I know you know what you're talking about.)

I feel as though speaking of artistic integrity only works when you're talking about an individual.

Which means, by extension, that a company like Nintendo, or the other two companies that own or work on the ip, those that see only the product and the work.

To them, artistic integrity is dead.

Why else would the shoot down fan works so heavily?

To keep their product close to the chest.

But what about the claims that they stole from fakemon artists?

To my knowledge, (please let me know if im wrong) there has only been one claim of such a thing, and it was soon taken back as they soon found out that the palworld model was older than their's.

Which im pretty sure proves that claim false.

And to the people who are against AI art, don't get me wrong, I hate the idea as much as you do.

But AI image generation like many things is a tool.

And if used properly, tools can be useful.

like say for example, you have an idea you want to draw, but you can't fully figure it out in your head.

There are no pictures that fully convey what ur thinking in the depth you want for a reference, you could use an image generator for reference.

Add to an image in your own way, while removing the parts that were taken by the algorithm.

Be creative.

When tools are used properly, they can do a lot of good things.

The reason people hate AI art, is because people are being stupid and lazy with it.

Hell, i think pocketpair realized their mistake a long time ago as not only has that game been absolutely shat on in the steam reviews, but you cant even find it on their website, or at least i haven't.

Lastly, I'm gonna show you a trailer for a game pocketpair is also making, it should be coming put Q1 this year.

A game I have not heard mentioned this whole discourse.

As an honest question, what part of this looks AI generated to you?

Its a 2D sidescrolling platformer, said to be a mix of a metroidvania and a roguelite, also with base building elements since that seems to be a commonality for them.

The only things i could see that were taken or inspired by are the backgrounds, which feel very hollow knight, and the main mechanic being a possession mechanic which loosely reminded me of super mario Odyssey.

I've seen AI 2D animation, and it's usually pretty jarring due to how quickly everything warps and changes as things move.

I don't see that in this.

Nor do i recognize any of the monster or character designs.

I could be wrong and both palworld and never grave could be scams, seeing as both are in early access.

And if or when i am, then that's egg on my face.

Those that were all happy to play a new and exciting game, will seeth and mald.

And you can live happily, i guess.

But it at least shows they know some integrity.

I mean, as long as they make any of the new pals that come out more original than the 111 that they have now, we should be fine.

The only time we should be outraged, is if there is sort of harm coming to the workers, and I don't think I've heard any news on that.

If it bothers you that much, make your own game.

Actively do something about it rather than complain on the internet.

Like, I can't even imagine how difficult that is.

Especially for a smaller company.

Pokemon has it easy, It doesn't need defense.

Defend it from itself before defending it from others.

Stop paying for shit that doesn't work out the gate.

Do something to force the people making the bad game to do better.

And stop trying to shit on the little guy for your own ideals.

Criticism is fine, yelling over a game on the internet is not.

Not by a long shot.

But hey I don't think anyone is gonna read this.

Much less to the end.

Because I've scrolled passed shorter posts for less.

[musashi]

As a creative, how do you keep going? I see you making fanfics, videos, art, gifs, sitting down and learning something new just because you wanted to. I've always had such a hard time turning ideas into actual finished pieces. At first i thought it was fear of failing but I've been tackling that for years but the progress I've made its still not enough. I've tried doing it "just for fun", for personal growth, for money, as part of a community. Hell, I've tried out of spite. Please, how do keep creating?

that's a tough one because it really is about getting to the bottom of what is stopping you, and it sounds like you've done a lot of work on that with little results. thats gotta be frustrating!

i can tell you that for me, i feel fully fucking crazy when i do not create. this is not as much the case anymore, but when i was younger i felt like the ideas were trapped inside me and that holding them in was literally making me sick. i created because i had to or i felt physically bad.

i had a huge sprawling story in my head for YEARS tho and i had to get it out. and i wasn't. and back when i wasn't it was because i was depressed. depression for me feels like a lazy sunday that never ends, like i can't do anything, like i am locked in my own body and the only thing i have the energy to do is scroll social media for short-term dopamine.

but when i eventually decided ok, this is it, time to tell my story, what fixed me was seeing it like a job instead of a passion. for YEARS i had been fed this lie about "inspiration" and "motivation" and "writer's block" and now i am fully 100% of the belief that all of those concepts are bullshit lmao. i straightup do not believe in them any longer. i believe they are shields that creatives hide behind to absolve themselves of the guilt and frustration they feel when they are not creating.

in the end for me it just came down to this: once a week, it was time to write. no ifs ands or buts about it. at a set hour, on a set day, i would write for a set amount of time. and i could either make fucking hemingway or the worst collection of sentences known to man, but i HAD to write. i was not allowed to talk myself out of it. so that is what i did.

now, years later, looking back on all of my work--i could not tell you what i wrote when i felt "inspired" and what i wrote when i didn't. it all just looks the same to me, and most of it is pretty damn good.

i no longer write once a week. i write every day now. set times. set moments. sometimes alone. sometimes with friends. but every day, when it is time to write, no matter how i am feeling, i write.

currently i am also trying to get medicated for my ADHD so that focus doesn't feel so much like pulling teeth! that is also something i am excited to pursue more and see if it helps. but tl;dr my process is brute force and a schedule.

here is a little more i have said on the subject. i am sorry if it's not helpful, but maybe you will find something in my story that lines up with your own.

[blingusdlingus]

The Start of the Post-Modern Sonic Era

As time passes... Sonic Frontiers feels unreal to me. I still feel the psychic ripples that game made in the minds of thousands. Hearing about the physics nonstop. the buzzwords echoed in my brain for months... the rips at the English script-writing. It drove me to near madness. It was hard talking to people who weren't as deep in it as I was at that time... But I look back these days and I can't help but feel like the madness was exactly what I wanted. I can't make peace with this game like many others have, but I can't hate this game, I can't act like I'm indifferent to it. It did something to me that I can't dissect into a science. I don't feel like it's fair to try and categorize the feelings I have about it's writing into the set of ideals I've made for what I want these characters to be. I can't rule this one out... it broke the stagnant mold for me. An "Open-Zone" Sonic game with hyper-realistic environments, patch-worked with floating platforms and rails in the sky, janky camera movements and overtly flashy attacks for an unbalanced combat system, reused level design for one minute stages, hamfisted self-referential dialogue that had me groaning at points, a narrative that felt spread thin and disjointed, answering questions that didn't need answering. And it didn't even have Momentum. And yet... it is everything to me. AND NOW FOR THE CHILDHOOD HISTORY OF BLINGUS For the 20 years I've been alive, about 18 of those years I have spent with this deeply rooted attachment to Sonic. I was deeply fortunate as my cousin and my half-brother both had a Genesis with each of their own collection of games respectively, which of course, meant a lot of Sonic games. I was also gifted with having two brothers, who I dubbed as "the one with the GameCube" and "the one with the PS2". From age 2 (2006) to age 6 (2010), I had already created formative memories with the following: Sonic 1 Sonic 2 Sonic Underground Sonic 3D Blast Sonic Rush Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Sonic Spinball Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine Sonic Heroes Sonic CD Sonic Adventure DX Sonic X Shadow The Hedgehog Sonic Rush Adventure Sonic Riders Sonic Unleashed Sonic Colors

These aren't even counting the games and shows I had learnt of online as a child who ABSOLUTELY shouldn't of been on the internet at such a young age but I digress. I just want to highlight the sheer amount of Sonic I took in in that time-frame. I think this chapter in my life planted the ideals that I hold to this very day, even throughout the madness. The problem is that... I don't even truly know what those ideals are. As I've grown I've played these games countless times, along with every game coming out after. I read the comics, I watched the shows, I got invested into the rom-hacking scene, and from there, the Fangame scene. My life changed and grew and my opinions of these games have shifted time and time and time again. Those roots never grew dry for me though, and I feel as if I owe my young self a lot for making memories with these games. Maybe it's a fear of losing innocence? It could be because I'm autistic as fuck? Maybe it's just love. Love for what these games represent for me, Love for what could've been. Loving it for what it is, what it was, loving it because people made it and that's all that matters. Loving to draw it, to find why others love it, and to open my mind to interpretation. Loving it to hate it, to write about it and talk to your friend's about it. To find out what made it tick, what's been lost over the years and how it's found again. Loving it because Super Sonic is raw as fuck and Shadow likes nu-metal hell yeah Oh yeah this was about Sonic Frontiers Well okay yeah the game is kinda mid but It's raw as hell and it's representation of growth and change is as prevalent in the narrative as it is in the eyes of the people. It made a ripple. Did Sonic Lost World make a ripple? Yes it did you fucking asshole

[johnny-chaos]

Gordon is notably characterized by his obnoxious and deeply uncool behavior but he's also defined by an incredible earnestness and desire for things to be taken seriously . And Benrey, on the other hand, is obnoxious too but for the exact opposite reasons-- devaluing things that, by Gordon's standards, should be taken seriously (such as murder) while playing up the absurdity and inconsistent application of rules in general (and also acting like a fucking third grader).

In that way the two of them have a lot in common, but with that one major caveat of seriousness . Really, they're both pretty earnest, and they both just wanna make jokes n have fun-- Gordon wants to be a justin.tv streamer and he talks to himself like an anime protagonist (GORDON SPRINT!!) and Benrey's whole thing is having his day ruined bc he couldn't play games with his friends . But Benrey also knows treating the game like it's real is idiotic, while Gordon can't help but treat it as if it were (and Scorpy Socpens n Wayne R. TV use this for some extremely good comedy).

In addition to THAT, you have Coomer, who, over the course of the webseries, realizes his life is a lie and his world is fake - subsequently becoming more lucid, serious, and aloof. His character arc brings up the question of What Does It Truly Mean, To Be Alive? (a tried and true story point !) They're all functioning on different understandings of their world-- they all understand nothing matters, but Coomer is just now realizing, and Benrey's always known it, and Gordon method acts so hard that he almost forgets it.

With that context HLVRAI becomes an argument on existential nihilism -- Coomer presents the question "nothing is real so is living this life valuable?" and Benry's response is essentially "no- if nothing matters then why care ? Do whatever you want forever ." And Gordon's is "of COURSE it's valuable, fuck you, this may not matter but I can care and try and hope and LIVE, BABY!!! leave me and my magmar plush OUTTA THIS!!" Quite a 4chan vs Tumblr argume(I am shot and killed)

But even though I describe Gordon as v earnest and sincere, it's not enitrely accurate, bc while he has a lot of Genuine Expressions of Emotion, he also seems to use anger to mask laughter ("if i had a knife i would gut you" said with an audible smile). Makes him seem less genuine and more like he's playing up the reactivity, but you still get a rly potent feeling that these are people he enjoys being around, and I'm sure that's also just Wayne R. TV playing gmod with his friends bleeding through .

Coomer's obviously the MOST sincere, he has literally the only lines that are SUPPOSED to be taken seriously. And Benrey may not be very sincere, but he IS (in Wayne R TV's words) the most sentimental, which is REALLY weird. He's constantly talking bullshit, but Scorpy Socpens still gives him these moments where it seems like he might actually care ("we should turn back.. we're going further . into HELL" and "why are we here? ..what happened to your arm?!") LIKE!! he and the others are all entertainers, they're all supposed to make you laugh (except for Dr. Coomer at one point), but Benrey especially, as he's this manifestation of insincerity and irony and absurdity--and yet?? some semblance of motivation??

If hlvrai is an argument on nihilism, then it's ALSO about how what makes life worth living is the people around you actually . Because of benrey's "nothing matters" mentality he gains Gordon's ire and subsequently becomes the antagonist as his stupid shenanigans are reframed as actively hindering the group (even though yeah EVERYONE gets in the way of everything all the time). Thus he becomes the Big Bad even though he's really just, not cut out for it . he knows his actions don't have meaningful consequences, but that sentimentality inevitably slips out, and yeah, his whole purpose is to be funny. you can't be funny to yourself now that's just embarrassing. he has the powers to shapeshift and time travel but he only does it when it's relevant to Gordon. i am constantly thinking about how he says "it replenishes your electronics" in this calm, mellow voice like he's got nothing to worry about and is just enjoying the moment . he just wants to play games with people, man!!!

and even though Gordon is so SO fucking uncool, he's allowed to be because he actually gives a shit!! even though they're both annoying, Benrey is the one who becomes the villain because of how detached he is. Gordon can stumble over his words and be clumsy as hell but he cares so deeply-- about the others, about putting on a show-- that his embarrassing attempts at being the hotshot hero of the story don't detract from his value. yeah this world isn't real but my friends are. yeah nothing matters but we can still try to help each other out. you are supposed to care!!! bitch

[emeritus-fuckers]

hello i was wondering if i could participate in the match up event?

I am afab and nb, I use any pronouns :) I'm cool with being any gender or being with any gender neither matters much to me

I lov the ghouls and their silly little shenanigans :)

I'm pretty feminine looking, I'm 5'1 and I'm built like a comic book male superhero like broad chest and shoulders but a straight line from the ribs down like a upside down dorito w legs

I'm asian so my eyes and hair are dark, my hair's like a shoulder-length wolf cut ish thing... idk I just hack at it. sometimes I wear glasses, but sometimes I just feel like being blind. When I get dressed I pretend like im dressing up in a fun little costume so my day is more whimsical and silly my go-to is like sailor uranus prince-type girl crush but a wizard or a wizard who is going on an epic expedition to recover lost artifacts but no matter the outfit the key is that I look like I'm secretly a merlin-style cartoonishly evil wizard. So i guess maybe like goth grunge academia something something pinterest buzzword Oh and I have major rbf, and it makes ppl scared of me

I'm an introverted person and I tend to be very logical but. I think different from a lot of ppl apparently. I've been described, to paraphrase, as "sort of ominous and mysterious but actually funny", "uncanny and unsettling in a good way", and "awkward and weird but its endearing" which just sound like insults. I like to live in my head and make silly stories and things to play with. Like every tumblr user I've got fucked up mental health and bad parents so I am kind of like one of those freaky ass chihuahuas that is always scared and shakes and bites people and has digestive issues. I tend to be hard to read or sort of deadpan so I like fucking w people since they can't tell if I'm joking bc i love mischeif and japes. I want to be a silly not-quite-supervillain like Dr doofinshmirtz or like a trickster archetype sort yk

I was a pretty intense synchronized swimmer for like 9 years I competed at like opens and nationals and all that when I was in school but my university doesn't have :( I'm on the rowing team now but I would rather do synchro esp since being my main thing was being flexible and it has no advantages in rowing lmaooo I've been a huge vocaloid fan since elementary school so I've been around in that community for a while (I am so well-adjusted). I like to make vocal synth covers and draw, especially when I'm able to work with producers to provide art for their vids it's so cool hehehehhe I mostly listen to vocaloid music but I like a lot of metal stuff as well that's how I found out abt gonst. I also like 2 play video gamez, I'm so fucking bad at them but I think it's rly funny so I just spend hours giggling and watching myself get mauled over and over.

I love horror a lot but I'm less a slasher girlie and more of a supernatural psychological tormet girlie esp if its got mythology or religions shit involved. Im majoring in history bc all good history ppl like silly metal and I wrote this instead of my abstract that's due in like an hour bc I have no idea what to do for the topic 🥲🥲

- the fuckin wizard

This post is part of the 1000 followers match up event. Entries for the event are now closed.

Your match is... Zephyr

They like listening to you talk about your major and interests. He's a very good listener.

While they might not be the best swimmer, they enjoy the activity and if you want to show off, they'll absolutely let you and be super proud.

He doesn't mind how unique your style is. He probably wouldn't really try to match clothes with you, but they'd try their best to buy you stuff you'd enjoy.

Since he doesn't really walk much, they picked up drawing and started doing it with you. They're surprisingly good at it for someone who just randomly said "I'm bored, maybe I should start drawing".

Also, horror movie date nights! They're also much more of a psychological horror person, but his favorite is of course the paranormal (he finds it hilarious) so you two take turns picking the movies.

Video game dates included, too. He's got a PS3 and the first three Uncharted games, as well as some others. Their favorite is Uncharted 3.

He'll insist you wear your glasses. He knows the consequences of ignoring his health. It's not fun.

~

Written by Nosferatu with the help of the wonderful and of @ask-zephyr-ghoul (ilysm pookie).

[96percentdone]

When looking at games with obvious metafiction elements in their stories, you always see this "deny and condemn the meta" response crop up. In Undertale/DeltaRune I think it's a relatively small scale phenomenon; most people over there are obsessed with the meta, if maybe in a way that's divorced from the text of games, but you still see people determined to wish it away? And it just got me thinking about why that is. What is it about metafiction that makes people so angry they want it gone?

I'm saving my analysis of Nirvana Initiative for the essay, but the backlash there has a lot in common with the response to NDRv3. New Dangan Ronpa v3 is a Dangan Ronpa title about Dangan Ronpa. In typical DR fashion, the meta-commentary is in your face, and at least half the fanbase fucking hates it. There is a loud contingent of DR fans who constantly complain about chapter 6, and how it ruined the entire series by making everything that came before it including the HPA saga unimportant and not real, and they try super hard to negate it, and when they can't, they just criticize the game even harder. That used to be me too! I used to be unbearable back then, but you can find old posts on this blog of me poking holes in it as an in universe plot element/mystery solution, or criticizing its inclusion of a mean-spirited audience depiction that reads like a criticism of the actual DR fanbase, or for wasting my time and telling me I shouldn't care.

But that last one is what I think lies at the heart of it. A lot of the criticisms of the meta for all the titles I mentioned boils down to this: people, or at least gamers, really chafe against metafiction because to them being reminded it's fiction is the same as being told 'it's not real so you should not care. I am wasting your time.' They get really attached to the characters, and the story--they get immersed in the world like it is as real as the PC they play it on, and then they are reminded that it's just a video game, and that hurts. It feels like getting trampled on. I know when I first played v3 I felt the same way.

I understand where this response comes from, but I have since grown up a little. I still believe that the execution of v3's meta needed revision, but the way I used to talk about it, and the way many of its detractors still do, is unearned. Kodaka is not a subtle writer about communicating his thesis. "Even if something is a lie, even if it's fiction.... If it has the power to change the world, then it must contain some kind of truth." It was just a story, with characters in a scripted plot constructed by writers and developers, but you cared about the illusion as though it were real life, right? You got attached to characters, invested in the plot, you cried or laughed or screamed--it spoke to you. "Was this lie able to change something? Was this lie able to change someone? If it was able to change even the smallest thing......Then the story isn't over." Fiction will always matter because it did something, however small, for wonderfully real you. All it evoked, every thought and feeling and comment and criticism, everything that story meant to you lives within your visceral beating heart.

All narratives are a humble wish that you leave changed if only in a tiny way. Metafiction is just a tool. It calls to you, makes you think about the work as fiction, so creators can speak directly to you about art. How do you engage with it? What are you getting when you do so? What is it about art that draws us in time and time again? I love metafiction because I love art. I love all the ways it provokes something in people; I think it's magical beyond compare. That's why I write! Art is a gift from the artist/s to their audience. What does that gift mean to you?

[shining-gem34]

||Overall Opinion of HSR 1.6 Quests so far:

SPOILERS

In general, I try to keep my expectactions low and I am easy to impress so I will always say: I like it!!!

The introduction of the new area reminded me of the Alien game. It's dark, mysterious, abandoned, and you feel so very alone exploring the area. Gosh the jumpscares are good.

Ruan Mei is rather complex. We know her ambitions, the goal of her research, but as an individual? She is mysterious and elegant, but it seems she has trust issues. Or rather a skewed perspective of asking for help. Like legit drugging us out of overthinking things? Not fun in the full picture despite the comedic responses.

I do like Ruan Mei since she first appeared. I just wish the front design wasn't the same as every other Xianzhou lady we have seen so far. But that is like a minor gripe for me.

My Trailblazer is rather laidback and he might take Ruan Mei antics in stride. He is gonna remember that event so she lost brownie points with him. 3:

Dan Heng though? Oh man. I will go over it in more details in a separate post but Dan Heng has alot of negative feelings about her.

I love the kitties. The kitties sounds melted my heart. They are so cute and then they talk about Ruan Mei abandoning them, and my heart breaks alittle. It's just interesting that she might have some fondness for them. But that is hard to say. I perceive Ruan Mei perspective on this as Trailblazer had gone a different method that yielded different results. So she is intrigued by it, but the love for her creation? It's conflicting.

Dr. Ratio I honestly have not much to say since I'm still trying to figure out what I feel for him. I can't take him seriously with the plaster mask in his introduction. However! I do understand he cares more than he shows and knows the severity of the situation. I appreciate he can be blunt and straight to the point instead of beating around the bush.

Giant bug monster? I'm very much like: Ruan Mei what the fuck did you do? Why would you do this? And then I remember Ruan Mei ambitions and I figured she went "Why not?"

The fiasco with the Herta Space Station? I think I understand Dr. Ratio at the end but at the same time I'm just like ???. It was just alot of things happening there if you think about it: Anti-Matter Legion attacking, unhappy staff trying to pin the mistakes all on management (Asta), and now this. I'm just very >:((( at the people shitting on Asta who is already doing so much to help restore the Space Station after the attack. Like motherfuckers, COME AT ME AND SEE HOW YOU CAN FIX SHIT AND RAISE MORALE LIKE SHE CAN.

[disabledstraydogs]

Okay, got too silly last night and made a danganronpa AU 😔

Under the cut because it's not relevant to this blog.

TW for talks of murder (nothing in detail)

Okay so the theme of this school is the idea of transfer students, so there's 16 participants, some are from Yokohama (ADA and PM members) and the others are from differing groups in the BSD universe (ie Guild, DOA, ect).

I'm not sure about the order of who dies and who kills who ect ect I just think this is how it could happen:

Atsushi: Is the protag, probably survives

Akutagawa: Does not survive, I think he could be the victim in the final trial, probably saving Atsushi in the process.

Fyodor: Is the first to die (victim), I know logically he could be the antagonist or mastermind but I think it would be funny if he got the Rantaro treatment (works out who the mastermind is and is killed by someone before he can share- although I think he's just being a bitch that wanted to haunt the narrative)

Chuuya: Victim. I know he would be fully capable as a killer, but I also think he would be too obvious. I mean let's face it- His natural reaction is to lash out at people in a regular situation. In a killing game it would get so much WORSE so idk having him act on his anger would be too obvious of a plot point (he 100% gets blamed for at least one murder before he dies though). Although personal bias wants him to live.... Idk.

Kyouka: Survivor, fuck you she lives no matter what

Gin: Victim, or survivor. Not sure what to say here ngl

Akiko: Killer, she could easily pull a stunt like Mikan did in sdr2 and I love the trope of doctors that kill

Shibusawa: Killer, I don't think he's the mastermind, but I think he could be an accomplice (a bit like Mukuro) who killed someone (Fyodor) for getting too close to the truth

Dazai: The antagonist, I have no idea what he'd be in the grand scheme of things. It would be funny if he survived, it would also be fitting for him to die. He has a habit of trying to commit 'unknowing mass suicide' with the group (aka getting them to vote the wrong way) even if this means he dies. Komaeda ass mf.

Kunikida: Killer, please let me break this man so hard he can't see any other way out ......... UNLESS HE'S THE MASTERMI- *gets shot*

Kouyou: Unsure.... Survivor maybe? Plays a role like Himiko in the sense that the person (Akiko) she had a crush on dies- Although in this case Akiko is a killer so Kouyou has to come to terms with this

Lucy: Victim, sorry lads I have to kill her :(

Fitzgerald: Victim, he's an insufferable asshole (like Byakua) but I'm taking danganronpa's mistake (letting him live) and fixing it... Although I think he would be slightly more tolerable.

Nikolai: I want to say killer but at the same time that feel obvious... So survivor? He was majorly impacted by Fyodor and Sigma's deaths but promises to carry their memory with him

Sigma: Killer. Look, I know this is probably a controversial take but Sigma's main goal in BSD is himself, and I think the same would happen in a DR au. However I don't think he'd kill unless put under threat.

Tachihara: Killer (probably), this man is like Leon in my eyes. But idk maybe that's too obvious?

(Also idk if the numbers add up here, it all depends on plot stuff- which I haven't worked out)

[crmsnmth]

September Chapter Six, Part 2

"I'm scared," I said, almost in a whisper, "I'm afraid it's going to hurt."

"I know you are. Your going silent, like you did in our first few sessions. Do you remember that?"

I nodded. I did remember those sessions. They were awful. Dr. Fischer would try every possible way in the books to get me to talk, but our hour long sessions were usually filled mostly with silence. And I was seeing her twice a week at the start. I didn't like her at first. She was too forward, too demanding. But it's what I needed and after a month of silence, I finally broke and started talking.

"You barely spoke. You withdrew inside yourself for our entire sessions."

"I know. I didn't like you. I didn't trust you."

"And now?"

"I mean, I trust you enough. I'm not sure if I like you, but I know your doing your job and looking for what's best for my head."

"So we'll call this an understanding then. You're very right. I am looking out for you, and I want the best for you. You've been through a lot, and I think I'm seeing you step out of that shell and finally grow. And what is growing?"

"Healthy," I sighed.

"Correct. So now, you've met someone who seems to have taking quite the shining to you, and you to her," she wrote on her pad as she spoke. Long flowing letters, at least by the way her pen moved.

"Yeah," I admitted. I couldn't run from the truth, no matter how fast I ran. I'd learned that years ago.

"And she's cracking through that shell. Getting to meet the person you try so hard to keep barricaded away."

I nodded.

"You're letting her in, Chris."

I looked away.

"That's a really good thing. It's growth and it's wonderful to see. Of course you're afraid. Everyone's afraid of change. It's not easy. It's not meant to be. Growth isn't easy, but it's healthy. You've made a new friend, whom you are opening up to, without trying. You must admit, it might be nice to gain another close friend other than Chad."

I laughed. "What if I don't want her just to be my close friend?" Chad and I had been friends for many years, even before the Emily show. He'd earned his trust for being my best friend, never once breaking my trust and always being there when I needed help. He never held me down or pulled me back. The guy never failed me. I loved him.

I didn't just want a close friendship with Addison. I knew that from the moment I ran into her and found myself in awe. Even now, at the very beginning of whatever relationship we were going to have, I knew exactly what I wanted with her. And it was shredding the beliefs I'd build and nurtured for three years.

"It's still confusing and fucking scary," I finally said, breaking the short silence.

"I know it is. That's a good thing for you. You've had yourself locked up in this protective state for too long. You can't live you're life on your own."

"I would've called you a liar a month ago," I snapped.

She laughed and wrote. "I know you would have. But am I?"

I sat back in my uncomfortable chair and looked around the office. For anything that would steal my attention so I wouldn't have to tell her she was right. I didn't want to admit it, but it was the truth.

"No," I said, almost whining the word. I hated the admission. So much.

"See, we are making progress. Well, you are. It's nice to see. It's nice to see the actual person in side getting out finally," she smiled at me, "how have you been sleeping lately?"

I signed in relief that she had changed the topic.

[fentanylfairy111]

A Little Of My Story:

Not expecting anyone to see this but I feel like getting this all of my chest to nothing will somehow help me. I've been struggling with my drug addiction since I was 14,, I am now 21. Yes, I know it's not that long of a stretch but fuck dude..it's been so fucking rough.

16yrs old I was sent to my first rehab. I was taught how to do hard drugs. At that point I was just eating Xanax and snorting yayo up my nose and smoking wayyy too much. Ended up getting abused by a guy who I met there.

After that experience I fell even harder into my addiction. I was no longer who I thought I was. Got laced with PCP and went into psychosis. Didn't think it could get worse than that. My old best friend came over to celebrate my birthday and she didn't bring the H so we decided to get Blues. No surprise here but big fucking mistake.

She ended up OD and my mama had to revieve her. I still had some of the pressies left so to deal with witnessing that I thought it would be a good idea to snort the fent pressed pills. Instantly I fell in love with the sensation I received from the high. I was already shooting dope occasionally, doing ketamine, acid, Vicodin and oxys.

At age 17yrs old thing got even worse. I hit up my yayo dealer because my friend and I wanted to try scante. Once again BIG fucking mistake. We smoked the pookie first then the needles came out. Got hooked immediately...

Next time we saw him he told me to try smoking something off of foil. He told me it was H,, it was pure fent powder. Ofc I didn't know this at the time but me being the dumbass that I am took a hit off the foil.

I had been doing blues but fuck powder...that's a whole ass different story. I fell out. literally. I fell outta the car and threw up down myself and they shot me up with crystal and I came to. Crazy how insane that shit sounds...crystal bringing me back. What's even more insane about that is that wasn't the last time that happened. That was my first OD..there have been too many other times to count since then.

I'd be writing a whole ass novel if I went into everything but to summarize...since 17 there was a needle in my arm, hands, muscles until age 19/20 when I just went back to the foil and pookie.

H no longer exists. It's all fent. Everything. Nothing is clean anymore.

March 24th is going to be the 3yr anniversary of my best friends OD death date. This will be my first year sober for it and i'm losing my fucking mind. I keep having breakdowns but idk I just can't seem to even cry anymore. My Dr says i'm like a Navy Seal because no matter what is going on..I don't show emotion. I am numb. He also thinks I have psychopathic tendencies because of my 'destructive behavior.'

I feel like I'm losing my mind and can't talk to anyone about it. Please someone talk to me. IDC what it's about,, I just need people who can relate or just to idk fucking talk to instead of being in my head 24/7.

[medicinemane]

I get very tired of dealing with people who are so busy being "practical" that they're just totally prescriptive

I tend to be, I think, a fairly pragmatic person. Like most years I spend about... maybe $50 on myself for the whole year (this year is going to be a bit higher, but there's also specific utility to what I'm spending it on). I tend to not bother buying myself snacks, cause I know I'm mostly hungry, and if I'm hungry real food is a better deal (I sadly tend to fail to get ahold of the real food either)

My point is that I tend to be very goal oriented (not in a ladder climbing way, in a I set goals and then work towards them kinda way), I tend to be very focused on what will push my situations into being sustainable, I tend to look for high efficiency, low cost, long term solutions

I was... I was talking to that friend I'll say is Dr Jekyll and Mr Dumbass (I was more trying to talk to my dad, but they were both there). It was definitely Mr Dumbass today

For one thing, he was already saying a bunch of really fucking dumb shit where... it's so stupid I'm not even going to repeat it, where it's like the answer for why we don't do that is because it's obviously a moronically stupid idea on top of being immoral, and also totally ineffective you dipshit

So I already wasn't in the mood for him

Then, while talking about visiting my grandma, I mention how in order to start cooking I need sharp knives, none of my knives are sharp (cause my mom's a fool and dulls them all), and how it would really help if I could just take a knife from my grandma since she doesn't cook anymore and just... keep it as my personal knife that I keep sharp

(I can't do this, cause my grandma is... bug fuck crazy, and legit believes that if you gift someone a knife they'll kill people with it which like... where do you even get that idea, like she has literally said before that she'd give money to buy a knife but wouldn't give one as a gift... what?)

Anyway, Mr Dumbass starts going on about how I can just buy a new knife, and it's like no... in your quest for objective practicality you've lost all pragmatism

I don't need to buy a new knife, I need to learn to sharpen knives which... which I just have a bit of a block on cause I've had trouble figuring out how to sharpen stuff so far (I've come to suspect that which of the hard and soft stones you use first and second isn't intuitive and I've been trying to hone with the sharpening stone and sharpen with the honing stone)

Like... to get mean for just a slight moment, shut your fool mouth, you've got more money than I've ever even touched, and while you were poor at one point when you were younger you've clearly forgot, and not everyone can just buy stuff

Also you're saying a bunch of dumb shit tonight with such confidence and it's pissed me off

He's capable of being a very very smart and compassionate person, and then other times he's a damn fool, and far too often he... he talks about practicality without actually understanding how to be practical

Being practical requires working in the confines of reality

...I don't know, I don't think I have all the words I need to explain what I'm saying, but the point is he's annoyed me and people who act like him annoy me where it's like... nothing matters in the end other than if you actually solve something

You can talk all day about what someone "should do", but what matters is what they will do

So it gets frustrating talking with my family with him cause he has all this ideas where it's like... that functionally won't work, and like some of his great ideas are how I can just wait for my grandma to die and get the knife then and it's like... yeah... but I need a knife now dummy, and I have knives, and which is more useful?

Dropping a pretty penny on a new knife, or finishing learning a skill I really fucking need badly and that makes it so I can sharpen things for next to free forever?

...I'm just tired of having to do everything myself and getting no help, that's all. How about you shut your fucking mouth, stop trying to offer advice that's worse than my plans I'm already slowly turning the gears on making happen, and just let me bitch about my idiot relatives?

Laughing at this fool antics when he chooses to do that, legitimately is more helpful than any attempts to help

[darkerthanblack-666]

I assume that you don't very easily relate to other people or consider things from their point of view. Rather, if someone says that they disagree with you about something or that something you said makes them uncomfortable (like comments about sex or shipping or gore), your instinct is to tell them to fuck off. You also have a little bit of main character syndrome as you always feel the need to comment on everything to make it about you and tell how you feel about the matter, and you prefer talking to listening. You have very strong opinions and tend to always think you are right and have the correct facts, even when you don't. I assume you are not big on self-reflection and tend to blame others every time a conflict happens. Most likely you are going to tell me to fuck off as well.

First of all, a trigger warning to you anon, because you clearly don't like when I talk about myself, but you sent a detailed message with assumptions about me, so it's just a response to it:

I tell to fuck off (tbh I probably should tell you that, because that last sentence is a guilt tripping attempt, not a very healthy way to communicate) to someone who either doesn't tell me directly what's up (I don't know how to deal with vague messages, they seem dishonest to me), or when I feel it might be disguised prejudice (there are certain kinds of ideologies that give red flags and if I feel like someone might support one of them, I'm rude on purpose, because such things don't deserve any debate on my side, so I'm unwilling to discuss that, I already see enough prejudiced comments in my country's local politics and minority stress already affects me enough... so I don't want to deal with similar kind of thought patterns, because I know some people can't be reasoned with no matter how hard you try and I'm tired of having debates with people who have bigoted views... if you don't know what I'm talking about, double check which country I'm from). tl;dr - if I suspect someone might be an anti/homophobe/purist I don't want to have a discussion, because local politics already makes me feel like crap, I don't need more of that in fandom spaces

As for making people uncomfortable, it's only easy to make everyone happy if someone either likes only "safe" things, or when they're having a private conversation and that person in particular wants to avoid something (and they communicate it, because no one can read minds). Otherwise, someone at some point will always dislike something and it's not possible to please everyone. Even when I try to be nice and accommodating, I accidentally say something that offends another person. Believe me, I've tried to work on it and I used to be even worse than I currently am. I just struggle with social cues a lot and I'm desensitized to most things. Sometimes an innocent comment in my mind is a big deal to someone else and I don't understand it. But people are just very different from each other and communication goes in two ways. If only one side communicates, it's never going to function well. tl;dr - in places with too many different people your stuff will always bother someone and it's hard to tell what it might be, I also don't understand social cues

So about my feelings... yeah, I know what's going on in my head and only that. Making serious assumptions about other people is very invasive and I expect the other person will fill that empty slot instead of assuming I'll read their mind. That's because I only know what I think, I can only speak for myself. So yes, I do talk a lot about my feelings, but not for the reason you assumed about me. I just think it's not nice to decide for other person who they are, what they're like, and I honestly have no idea what people think until they tell me, because my perception of them will always be distorted by my own thought patterns. So my expectation is clear communication, I don't understand non-verbal cues and vague messages. If we've ever had a problem like that, perhaps you need to re-think your communication methods? tl;dr - making serious assumptions is rude in my opinion, so I expect the other person to share their mindset and feelings with me instead of expecting I'd guess, and that's why I explain what's in my head

I do talk a lot on here, yes. That's because in the real life I hardly talk to my family and I just want to socialize, even if it's just dumping my thoughts and emotions. In the real life I'm not always allowed to express them, so I don't know how to do it in a healthy way. Perhaps it's sometimes excessive. Emotional dysregulation is an issue that I don't know how to handle it. It's not fun when regular activities (music, fandoms, etc) don't help. tl;dr - tumblr is often my only way to socialize, so I talk here a lot

Main character syndrome - it's not even an insult, because I always say it about myself. Though don't get me wrong, I'm not arrogant, I just get excited easily, need to chat, and I think my comments are funny and enjoyable. If something clearly is a joke, I just want to be entertaining and I think it makes people happy! (and it often does, my humor is not for everyone though, I know it)

Do I think I always have the correct facts? No. Quite the opposite, I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't always want to discuss something, though. Depends on my mood. When it's bad it really is better to just leave me be until I'm better. But really, everything me or you think is distorted by our own thought patterns. No one ever knows all the facts and there's always more than one truth.

Also, I already blame myself too much for everything. So outside it might seem like I blame others. I used to be that kind of a person who always apologized, for everything. I'm trying to be different, to stop feeling guilty every damn time. I constantly say something, then delete it because I get anxious.

In general, your assumptions only scratched the surface. I don't think you know me well, I'm more complex than this. I do struggle with handling many situations, that's true. But that's not on purpose, I just don't know what the fuck I'm doing 😅. I also forget things 0,5 second later. My attention span is non-existent unless I'm emotional/passionate about something.

I'll end it with good old guilt tripping as a payback for yours: but you don't really care, do you? After all, there's always more than one truth.

[just-absolutely-super]

Okay. Angst alert

I HC that Yuichiro was just starting out in Sci-labs after graduating when Dr. Tadashi Hikari died. Like Lan’s relationship with him, his father was the world to him and he would take his death hard.

He shut down. He still managed to accomplish his tasks but Everything he did lacked his usual passion. His usual drive and out of the box way of approaching a problem. He was completely on auto pilot. His new co-workers would offer condolences and try their own way of cheering him up, but no matter what they did he was still this… empty shell.

(Whether the following was before they started dating or after i don’t know)

Haruka made sure he was never alone. Took it upon herself to watch over him. Comfort him. Never tried to take him out to cheer him up, or did anything special beyond making sure he was properly fed. She was just… there. When he talked she listened. When he cried, her heart broke seeing him in pain and she would gently remind him that he was not alone and that he was not without people who loved him.

(I have no idea where this came from, I was just trying to figure out how Haruka got with Yuichiro despite his obliviousness.)

aww that's sweet, though some timeline stuff is inaccurate

Tadashi definitely died after Yuichiro and Haruka married. Actually, considering he knew Lan and Hub, it's possible he died shortly after they were born. Whether he helped Hub turn into Megaman is up to interpretation because it's not really clear, but regardless his death definitely happened after Yuichiro established himself at SciLab

I do agree about him potentially shutting down though, but not really in a "shut down" way...

See, if Tadashi's death (along with the weight of him digitizing part of his being to hold off Alpha) and Hub's diagnosis with HBD happened in rapid succession, it's possible that Yuichiro was just SUCKER PUNCHED with tragedy after tragedy

He did mourn his father, and felt like he lost his best friend (because my personal hc is he got really close to his dad after his mother died when he was a child) but then one his babies starts getting sick...and sicker...until the doctors say his heart can't function anymore

But instead of shutting down from all the grief, Yuichiro acted

He couldn't do anything for his father, but he could somehow save his son

And that's the shut down I'm talking about--not a shut down as in he stopped functioning, but a shut down where he didn't think of anything else and just kept working because he had to make sure Hub's soul was saved. That must have taken so much time and dedication

I think Hub's death did put a strain on his and Haruka's marriage. Haruka had an idea of what Yuichiro was doing, but from an outside perspective he pretty much buried himself in his work and neglected her and their other son.

I think she did confront him and begged him to stop and come home. I think he lashed out and said he couldn't because he had to save him! He had to save his baby! And that's when she finds out the extent of his plan with his Navi project...

Eventually, with a lot of time and patience and Haruka coming to lab to bring his clothes and food (because gosh dang it Yuichiro you can't save Hub if you're half fucking dead!), the two have a more emotional heart to heart and they patch back together their relationship.

By then Megaman would be on his way to being functional so Yuichiro could make more time to spend with Lan. This is also when he brings Lan to the lab to look at his "future Navi"

Anyways, I made this more about Yuichiro's relationship with Hub than his dad, so I'll just say that Yuichiro never really properly mourned Tadashi because of everything going on afterwards. This leads to more of his regret and guilt that he felt during BN3 because he felt like he failed as his father's son when it came to the Alpha project. He still misses him terribly, but he knows his father is still looking out for him in some way (after all, he did save Megaman in BN3)

[x-heesy]

Gif mood board 🏄‍♀️

This is Angelo Moore

Fishbone soldier number one

Dr. Madd Vibe

You'll comprehend a legal ageist

He recommended that you arm yourself

With a protective prophelactic calling of consciousness

The chapter in a book presents Dr. Mass Vibe's

Comprehension of legal ageist

Chapter seven I believe

The land of the mighty whitey of Moor

This is called "Fall of the Riviera"

The world spins so slow but the sun is here at last,

The sun rises slow but its path is so vast,

It stays in the middle while the other planets go around,

And a few hours later, later I'm in another town

Yesterday I was in Nice, France on the beach

With the Mediterranean sea in front of me at my feet

People walking naked

Women and men

But not like back at home in the USA, the jail that I live in

Where you can't drink a beer or smoke a joint on the corner

Or to be naked on the beach is indecent exposure

Its triple hard, try to talk about something happy

(?) turn crappy

I guess that because I'm a part of the American dream

A prehistoric experiment by the damn mighty whitey European

Screaming, scaming

Got me screaming to the top of my lungs

Because what I saw made me jealous, but also with disgust

Look at all the happy white people in their paradise state

Even some people with a color get a piece of the cake

They're not guinea pigs for justice and peace in the USA

Gimme gimme justice, gimme gimme peace!

They squeal in their land and slap on glory,

The land of the free

Some Black men, some Red men, some Yellow and some White matter

The land of the free

Free to make money

If you make enough money you can buy yourself some justice, honey

So if you're Black like me and you wanna get rich quick

Go under cover and make your hair slicked

Get rid of those naps and be a tom for a minute

Be like the mighty whitey and you're in it to win it

Fuck all that I say with deep angst,

I am what I am, no bacon for me thanks

Three snaps and a circle,

A pow wow with Bloods and Crips

Let's all get together and bunch 'em in the lip

Then brake their hips and take away their mind

Rebel, rebel, rebel

Rebel away from your blind mind

Rebel from the spell that has been intertwined

Into your great grandma and great grandpa's genes

Now is the time, the time to rhyme

About how we must unfold and (?)

The curse of the snow storm has been

Wupped on all lonely men

From the men of the land of the mighty whitey men

The mighty whitey, the mighty whitey

What was I talking about at first?

Oh yeah, some nice like the sun rising up and the earth spinning round and the stars in the sky and the flowers on the ground

And this spaghetti tastes good in the Rome, Italy and they told me Africa's right across the street

This is a donation from Dr. Madd Vibe on the charity tip

Peace now ☮️

Thought by Ez3kiel, Angelo Moore @ro3000 @frenchpsychiatrymuderedmycnut

[rogueofsoup]

Ok so I know this is supposed to be funny because of the lack of an explanation for the lyrics but I'm Autistic™ and this got me thinking so HERE WE FUCKING GO-

My Entire Review On The Song With My Personal Theories For What Each Part Means:

________

~(vocalization start)~

"There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea" - the 'tower' is the singer in question, saying they were isolated/lonely and felt like they were 'greying', which could mean going through depression (this isn't going to be the only time this is mentioned)

"And you became the light on the dark side of me" - a person the singer fell in love with became a sort of beacon of hope for them in their darkest times

"Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill" - love being 'the high' makes it the effect of what's going on here, likely meaning the singer is sort of getting addicted to the person because they make them feel love

"But did you know that when it snows

My eyes become large and

The light that you shine can't be seen?" - this could mean the singer is talking about major depressive episodes (snow, with that being cold) in which even love (light) can't break through to them, even though they desperately need it (hence the eyes becoming large, allowing in more light)

"Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey" - most of the time depression isn't all darkness, it's usually very 'grey', and a rose is generally seen as having very vivid colors, a kiss from which could symbolize a short break from the monochrome without necessarily curing it

"Ooh, the more I get of you, stranger it feels, yeah" - this could mean the more the singer is with this person, emotions are slowly returning after so long with them dulled, making them strange and hard to recognize

"And now that your rose is in bloom

A light hits the gloom on the grey" - a blooming rose is, of course, much more spread out than one that isn't yet in bloom, which allows more color to fill the singer's metaphorical vision and remind them what color is like, allowing 'light' (hope, joy, etc) to hit and shine through the dark gloom (depression) that causes the monotone 'grey' (how depression makes you feel 90% of the time)

~(vocalization break)~

"There is so much a man can tell you

So much he can say

You remain my power, my pleasure, my pain, baby" - this is the singer trying to tell their loved one that they are the conduit with which they can now experience emotion again, 'you let me feel pride (power), you let me feel positive emotions (pleasure), you make me care enough to be hurt by things and cry (pain)' (depression numbs ALL emotions, not just the positive ones)

"To me, you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny

Won't you tell me, is that healthy, baby?" - the singer is aware of their dependency on their loved one, and is worried it may not be a healthy attachment (keep in mind their loved one isn't 'curing' their depression, the metaphorical light and color from them isn't 'spreading', it's just a break from the monotone and darkness)

(pre-chorus that means "I still have my depressive episodes even you can't help with")

(chorus that means "you're still my short relief in depression")

"I've been kissed by a rose on the grey

I, I've been kissed by a rose on the grey" - this could mean the singer has experienced that break

"And if I should fall, will it all go away?

I, I've been kissed by a rose on the grey" - this suggests the singer is not yet in a relationship with this person, and they're wondering if they did, would the relationship cure their depression

Aaaaand it's all just repeated lyrics after this. Voilá, my complete theory on what this song means.

TL;DR: It's a song about depression, and finding someone that gives the singer a break from that no matter how brief which they quickly become dependent on, and the wishful thinking that if they just got in a relationship with this person their depression would eventually clear up.

It's honestly pretty sad when you see it like that. Don't know who needs to hear this, but a relationship during depression is not the answer, and will not cure it.

The song "Disappear" by Karliene actually has a pretty good description of what it feels like to try to keep up a relationship though depression, describing it as difficult to keep up due to the gloom of depression making it hard to feel, even love.

This makes the story of this person who found someone who acts as a break from the gloom in "Kiss from a Rose" that much more heartbreaking. They see this bit of relief and become dependent on it, putting the pressure of their emotional state on this person which would only grow worse in a romantic relationship.

So…

Uh…

Yeah.

Ok am I, stupid or do a fair portion of the lyrics to Kiss From A Rose just not make any sense at all