#and like im not saying we need a friendly conversation with a heart to heart we don't even need a big conversation

[okidokitokki]

The greatest act of hypocrisy I've seen lately is adults telling their children to ask for help whenever needed, "you need to use your words if you want help/I can't help you if you don't speak to me" and "don't be afraid to ask" yet they themselves have the audacity to stand and stare at retail workers, expecting them to read their minds and immediately run over to them without prompting instead of asking with words for assistance

[aliyahwritings]

THE CONTRACTED HEART — Rafe Cameron (05)

MASTERLIST | Basketball Player & Model!Female Reader

Summary: Rafe Cameron, a basketball star, needs a marriage to fix his image, while Model!Reader needs one for citizenship. They may be the perfect solution for each other.

Warnings: smut, descriptions of violence, jealousy, usage of drugs, talks about body image/ed, angst, and lots of bickering. Reader is confident, a people-pleaser, has a traumatic past, and is a sunshine with an attitude. Rafe is a whore, possessive, cocky, and secretive about his past.

Word Count: 9.4k

Aliyah's Notes: i have two exams in five years and i still haven't slept, so if u notice any mistakes pls ignore them. i'll fix them when i have time, and yes a scene is inspired by the maddest obsession BUT ANYW AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! THIS CHAPTER IS INSANE AND PLS DONT SCREAM AT ME FOR THE ENDING LIKE IM SO SORRY BUT IT HAD TO BE DONE

“Hey, you want to know something?” Sarah said, approaching you as you sat quietly at a table, lost in thought. Beside her, two girls: one had mid-length brown curls and sun-kissed blonde highlights, gave you a friendly grin, her energy light and approachable. The other had wavy, jet-black hair that framed her face, her features both sharp and effortlessly beautiful. They were stunning, you thought, in a way that felt both comforting and a little intimidating. “I never liked her. Even back when she and my brother were together, I never got along with Chiara.”

The girl with the highlighted curls nodded, sliding into the seat next to you. “Same here. There’s always been something... off about her,” she agreed, scrunching her nose in a way that made you smile. “Oh! I’m Kiara, by the way,” she added quickly. “Different spelling than Chiara, but I promise we’re nothing alike.”

The girl with the wavy black hair gave a little wave as she took the seat across from you, her smile warm and easy. “And I’m Cleo,” she introduced herself with a slight accent. “Can’t say I disagree with Sarah and Kie here. Chiara’s just... kind of a staple at these things. She’s always been around, so the guys still invite her out of habit.”

“And if they didn’t, she’d probably throw a tantrum,” Sarah added, rolling her eyes in exasperation. 

You felt a warmth creeping into your cheeks as you looked at the three of them, surprised by how welcoming they were. “Thanks, girls. I’m Y/N, by the way,” you said shyly, offering a small smile. 

“Girl, we know who you are,” Cleo came to sit on your side and nudged you softly. “But don’t worry, you’re part of the group now—Chiara who?” she joked, making you all laugh.

You cleared your throat, glancing between the three girls who were deep in conversation. The question had been sitting heavy on your mind since the moment you met Chiara. “So… Rafe and her—did they used to date?”

The girls exchanged a look, the brief silence almost uncomfortable. It was as if they were weighing their words, deciding what to say or what to hold back. Their reluctance only made you want answers more. Who was Chiara to Rafe, really?

Finally, Sarah glanced away, a frown crossing her face. “It’s… complicated.”

You couldn’t help but lean in, unable to stop the curiosity stirring in your chest. “How complicated?” you pressed. “Were they exes? Friends with benefits? Did they break up right before Rafe and I got together? Or was it just her holding on to a crush he never—”

Kiara gently placed a hand over yours, her eyes warm and understanding. “Y/N, it’s okay. You don’t have to overthink it, alright?”

You sighed, the uncertainty making your stomach twist. “I just wish I knew what they are—or were—to each other. Rafe hasn’t said a word about her. Not a thing.”

Cleo gave you a sympathetic look, and Sarah hesitated, biting her lip as though weighing whether to say more. Finally, she began, “Wait, so he really didn’t tell you about what they—”

But Sarah’s words were cut off abruptly as Rafe’s voice broke through the noise of the party. “Sweetheart, can we talk?”

The girls turned toward him, their expressions ranging from surprise to mild disgust.

Kiara shot him a skeptical look, brows raised. “Who did he just call ‘sweetheart’?”

Cleo’s eyes widened as she put her hands up in mock innocence. “Definitely not me.”

Sarah shook her head, holding back a laugh. “Don’t look at me. My brother’s never called me any nickname. So, nope, not me either.”

Their eyes turned back to you, and it clicked. Rafe’s gaze was fixed on you, his face serious, almost imploring. You fidgeted with your hands, glancing over his shoulder to catch a glimpse of Chiara. She was a few steps away, engrossed in a conversation with JJ, yet her eyes were unmistakably trained on you and Rafe. Her expression was unreadable, something between irritation and curiosity, and the ambiguity of it only frustrated you more.

Rafe’s voice softened, his eyes searching yours. “Y/N, let’s go. Please?”

“I’m serious about her, Chiara,” was what Rafe replied earlier, his voice firm but before you could register the words, Chiara grabbed his arm, pulling him toward the garden without so much as a second glance in your direction, leaving you alone in the middle of the party—feeling like a complete idiot.

You weren’t sure how to feel about Rafe’s words. It was exactly what you’d hoped to hear, but his delivery had been off, and the way he left with her immediately afterward left a sour taste. You remember watching them through the windows. Their conversation looked intense. Chiara’s hands moved wildly, gesturing with a frustration that seemed matched by Rafe, who kept sighing and tossing his arms up in exasperation. Whatever they discussed, it was clearly charged.

But now, Rafe was standing in front of you, his expression unreadable as he asked to talk. About what? You didn’t know. Maybe he’d finally explain who Chiara was to him or put to rest the suspicion twisting in your gut, though you doubted he would. Instead of lingering on the countless possibilities, you took a steadying breath, nodded, and followed him outside.

The night air was cool, a stark contrast to the party’s warmth, and you found yourself standing on the porch beside him, facing the quiet street. For a moment, silence fell between you, thick and awkward, as if neither of you knew where to begin. He glanced at you and you felt a flicker of anticipation mixed with unease, wondering what he’d say—if he’d finally give you the answers you were looking for.

Rafe leaned against the porch railing, arms folded, his gaze fixed somewhere over your shoulder. “Look... Chiara just… she doesn’t handle change well,” he said, his tone flat, almost dismissive. “She’s just… used to things being a certain way. She's dramatic."

You crossed your arms, holding back the questions building up. “Right. So, she drags you outside because she’s feeling… what? Dramatic?”

He glanced at you, then quickly looked away, jaw tightening. “It’s not like that,” he said, his voice clipped. “She’s… she’s just not used to seeing me with someone else.”

You raised an eyebrow, trying to keep your tone light. “Oh, so I’m the problem?”

Rafe sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “No, it’s not you. It’s…” He paused, as if weighing how much he wanted to say. “She just thinks… I don’t know, she has her own ideas about things. She probably assumed things were the way they used to be.”

You frowned. “Used to be?” The question slipped out before you could stop it, and when Rafe didn’t answer right away, you continued. “So, you two were… what? Together?”

He shook his head. “Not exactly. Things just... overlapped for a while. It was just… a thing. A long time ago.”

Your patience was wearing thin. “And by ‘a long time ago,’ you mean… what? Last week? Last month?”

Rafe exhaled sharply, his frustration bubbling to the surface. “Shit, why does it matter? Whatever it was, it’s over, alright? I didn’t think I had to spell it out for you.”

“Maybe you do need to,” you shot back, feeling your cheeks heat. “I think I deserve to know when I’m about to walk into a situation where some girl is going to pull you away and act like I’m the one intruding.”

Rafe’s jaw tightened, and he leaned in slightly, his eyes narrowing. “She’s not just ‘some girl.’ She’s… someone I’ve known for a while. And she’s… complicated. Okay?”

“Right. ‘Complicated.’” You let the word hang in the air, dripping with sarcasm. “I’m sure it’s just so complicated that you couldn’t even bother to tell me about her before dragging me into this.”

He rubbed the back of his neck, looking away. “It’s not like that. I just… I didn’t think she’d show up here. I didn’t think it would matter.”

You shook your head, folding your arms tighter around yourself. “Well, maybe it does matter, Rafe. Because from where I’m standing, it looks like she has some claim on you.”

"What?" Rafe’s eyes flashed with irritation, and he straightened up, clearly done with the conversation. “Look, she doesn’t have a fucking ‘claim’ on me. It’s nothing. Just… drop it.”

The bluntness of his words stung, and you took a steadying breath, keeping your voice as even as possible. “Fine,” you said coolly, shrugging as if you weren’t affected. “But you might want to let her know that.”

He shook his head, muttering something under his breath before his gaze met yours again. “You’re overthinking it. She’s… she’s just used to being a part of my life, and now things are different. She’ll deal with it.”

You raised an eyebrow, tilting your head slightly. “Funny, because from where I was standing, it didn’t look like she was planning to just ‘deal with it.’ It looked like she was… I don’t know, trying to stake her territory or something.”

Rafe sighed, looking away again. “That’s just how she is. She’s always… been intense. Doesn’t mean anything.”

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes, feeling a mix of frustration and something uncomfortably close to jealousy. “So, I’m just supposed to ignore it? Pretend she didn’t pull you, my boyfriend, outside to… to lecture you about me?”

“Exactly,” he replied, his tone abrupt. “It’s just noise. Don’t pay her any mind.”

The simplicity of his response only fueled your irritation. “Right. Because I should just… ignore all of this and act like nothing’s wrong.”

“Look, I didn’t ask her to make a scene,” he said, his voice sharper now. “And I didn’t think she’d come here tonight. She just… showed up, okay?”

You paused, studying his expression, which was a mixture of defensiveness and something else you couldn’t quite place. “So, what’s the story with her?” you asked, trying to keep your tone casual, though you knew it was anything but.

Rafe let out a frustrated breath. “There’s no ‘story,’ alright? She’s just… she was around for a while, that’s it. We had… an understanding.”

You raised an eyebrow, the vagueness of his answer only adding to your frustration. “An understanding,” you repeated slowly, crossing your arms tighter. “Well, it seems like she didn’t quite get the memo that whatever ‘understanding’ you had is over.”

He shifted uncomfortably, glancing toward the house as if hoping someone would interrupt. “She’ll get over it. I just didn’t expect her to… make it a whole thing.”

“Maybe she made it a whole thing because you haven’t made it clear to her that it’s… nothing,” you said, emphasizing his own words back to him.

Rafe’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Why are you making this such a big deal? It’s not like we're actually together. This—" he said, moving his fingers between you two "—is fake, in case you forgot.”

“Oh, right, because it’s so normal for the girl you used to have… whatever with to show up at a party and act like I’m the one intruding.” You shook your head, exasperated. “Forgive me for wanting to understand the situation.”

He shrugged, still not meeting your eyes. “It’s just… old history. Not worth bringing up.”

“Then maybe you should have thought of that before dragging me into this,” you shot back, your voice laced with frustration.

He finally met your gaze, his jaw set. “Dragging you into what? It’s not like I invited her here.”

You raised an eyebrow, challenging him. “Did you invite me here to watch your past blow up in front of us?”

Rafe let out a bitter laugh. “This is what I get for trying to bring you around my friends. Next time, I’ll keep it strictly professional. How’s that?”

You felt a pang of hurt, but you masked it with a tight smile. “Perfect. I’ll remember that for next time, Rafe.” You turned away, taking a few steps back toward the house, hoping he’d get the hint that you were done.

But Rafe’s hand closed gently around your wrist, stopping you. “Wait.” His voice was low, reluctant, but there was a softness there you hadn’t expected.

You turned, catching his gaze, which had softened just slightly. “What?”

He hesitated, then let go of your wrist, his fingers lingering just a moment longer. “I just… I didn’t expect her to react this way. I thought… things were clear between us.”

“Clearly, they’re not,” you replied, unable to keep the edge from your tone.

Rafe sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ll try to talk to her, alright? Make sure she understands. But can we just… leave it here?”

You watched him, seeing the frustration, the tension in his shoulders, and you knew he wasn’t about to tell you any more than he already had. So, instead of pushing it further, you forced a casual shrug. “Fine. Whatever. It’s none of my business anyway, right?”

A flicker of something passed across his face—surprise, maybe, or regret. “Right. It’s not,” he said, though his voice was quieter, as if the words didn’t sit right with him.

You nodded, biting back the urge to say anything more. “Great. Glad we’re on the same page.”

An awkward silence settled between you, the tension thick and unresolved. Rafe shifted, glancing toward the house. “We should get back. People will start talking if we’re both out here too long.”

You let out a humorless laugh. “Oh, we wouldn’t want that, would we?” The sarcasm was sharp, but you didn’t care; you were too irritated to soften it.

He shot you a look, somewhere between exasperation and apology, but said nothing as he turned to head back inside. You followed a few paces behind, feeling the weight of the conversation pressing down on you, every unanswered question lingering like a shadow.

Before reaching the door, Rafe paused, his hand resting on the doorknob as he glanced back at you. “Listen…” He hesitated, as if searching for the right words. “It’s… just a lot, okay? Give me some time. I’ll sort it out.”

You held his gaze, unsure whether to believe him, but you nodded once. “Fine. But make it clear, Rafe. I’m not here to play second fiddle to some girl from your past. My life is on the line and I don't have time to worry about this sort of thing.”

He opened his mouth to respond, but whatever he was about to say, he swallowed back. Instead, he gave a tight nod and pushed open the door, slipping back into the noise and light of the party. You followed him and plastered on a fake smile while wondering if you’d ever get the truth out of him.

For the next hour, you put on a mask, pretending everything was fine—like nothing happened. But no matter how hard you tried to push the thoughts away, they lingered, clouding every moment. What was Rafe and Chiara’s relationship? You forced yourself to focus on the laughter, the music, and the warmth of the people around you, determined to enjoy the night with Rafe’s friends. Yet every so often, your mind drifted back to Chiara and Rafe, leaving an uncomfortable knot in your stomach.

Rafe took you around the room, introducing you to his teammates: Topper Thornton, Kelce Miller, JJ Maybank, Pope Heyward, and John B Routledge. They each greeted you with a friendly smile and a welcoming vibe. You found yourself particularly drawn to Topper's lighthearted humor and Pope's quiet charm, making it a bit easier to relax. But it was the girls who truly helped lift your spirits. Their energy was infectious, and you quickly found yourself laughing and swapping stories as if you’d known them forever.

Just as you were in the middle of an animated conversation, you heard someone call out, "Miss supermodel!" You turned to see Topper staggering toward you with a mischievous grin, clearly several drinks deep. “Come drink with us! You haven’t had a single sip all night!”

You couldn’t help but smile as he swayed slightly, holding up a red cup with a challenging look. He finally came in front of you and you had to shake your head. “I’m sorry, Topper. I can’t drink tonight. I’m on contract.”

He whined and threw his head back. “Why? A little sip won’t hurt you, right? Come on, please.”

You laughed, shaking your hands as he pouted dramatically, swaying slightly. “Topper, you’re wasted! I think you’ve had enough for both of us.”

He held his heart in mock offense. “Oh, come on! Just one tiny sip!” He held out the cup, swirling it a little as if to tempt you. “Look, it’s just tequila! You can handle tequila, right?”

You hesitated, glancing down at the cup and then back at his hopeful face. “I really shouldn’t… If anyone from the agency finds out, I’m in trouble.”

“Who’s gonna know? It’s just us here, right?” He looked around, grinning mischievously. “Your secret’s safe with me. And, hey, you can’t just let me be the only one embarrassing myself tonight.”

You sighed, rolling your eyes playfully. “Alright, one sip. But that’s it, okay?”

Topper’s eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. “Yes! That’s all I’m asking for.” He held out the cup, his face eager with anticipation.

You took the cup from him, feeling the weight of all the eyes on you as his friends turned to watch, clearly amused by the scene. Raising the cup to your lips, you took a big sip, the tequila burning as it went down. You scrunched your nose at the taste, earning a round of cheers from Topper and the girls.

“There we go! Wasn’t so bad, was it?” he laughed, throwing an arm around your shoulders.

“Awful,” you teased, wiping your lips. “But now you can’t say I didn’t drink with you.”

Topper gave you a victorious grin. “I knew you’d come through! You’re practically one of us now.”

You should’ve known.

Less than an hour later, you were stumbling across the living room, thoroughly tipsy and clinging to Kiara, who was somehow even more drunk than you. The two of you were giggling uncontrollably, reduced to hysterics over the silliest things—the pretzels shaped like animals, the crooked painting on the wall. Every little thing was hilarious, and the alcohol only seemed to amplify your laughter and loosen your inhibitions.

Lost in your little bubble, you didn’t notice Rafe watching from across the room, his gaze sharp and unblinking as he kept tabs on you. He hadn’t seen you like this before—free-spirited, a little reckless, and definitely wilder than he was used to. He couldn’t help but chuckle as he watched you shout out something along the lines of, “Everyone should just strip already!” before lifting the hem of your top, ready to make good on your words.

That was Rafe’s cue. In a flash, he crossed the room, slipping his hands over yours before you could pull your shirt over your head. His touch was firm, grounding, a stark contrast to the chaos around you. "Whoa there," he murmured, his voice laced with amusement, but his eyes were warm, almost protective.

You blinked up at Rafe, a goofy grin plastered across your face as you realized he was standing right in front of you. The room spun just a little, but his steady hands on yours felt oddly comforting.

“Rafe!” you slurred, beaming as though you hadn’t seen him in days. “Fuck! Isn’t it, like, super hot in here?”

Rafe smirked, shaking his head. “I think that’s just the tequila talking, baby,” he replied, steadying you as you swayed. His fingers stayed wrapped around yours, almost possessive, but he didn’t let go.

You pouted, glancing around at the half-dressed friends who were now laughing at your enthusiastic outburst. “Fine, but I was just trying to help everyone loosen up, you know?”

“Oh, trust me, you’ve definitely loosened up,” he chuckled, his eyes scanning you, both entertained and slightly exasperated. “Maybe… a little too much.”

You leaned in closer, your voice dropping to a playful whisper, “You know you enjoy it.”

Rafe’s gaze softened, but there was something else there, too—like he was seeing a side of you he hadn’t before. “Maybe I do,” he replied, his voice low, almost as if the words had slipped out unintentionally. He cleared his throat, his grip tightening on your hands. “But I also love it when you’re not stripping in front of half my team.”

You giggled, reaching up to playfully ruffle his hair. “Aww, big, tough Rafe is jealous I haven’t stripped to him first, is that it?”

Just then, Kiara stumbled over, clearly in search of more entertainment. “Hey! Let’s play a game, everyone!” 

Rafe sighed. “Alright, I think that’s our cue to leave,” he muttered under his breath, shaking his head as he looked back at you.

You tugged on Rafe’s arm, leaning into him with a dramatic pout. “Nooooo… let’s play the game, and then we can go,” you insisted.

“Y/N, you’re beyond wasted,” he said, arching an eyebrow in disbelief. “I doubt you’ll even be able to play the game right.”

“I am not drunk,” you protested, crossing your arms defiantly. The words slurred just slightly, giving you away. Rafe’s skeptical look only deepened. “I’m just a little tipsy,” you amended quickly, giving him a grin. “Come on, don’t be such a buzzkill.”

He hesitated, watching you with a mixture of amusement and concern. For a moment, he seemed ready to argue, but as you flashed him your brightest, most convincing smile, he sighed, a reluctant smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Fine,” he muttered, finally giving in.

You joined everyone on the floor, settling into a circle with a bottle of vodka at the center and shot glasses placed around. The music was turned down, but the room’s energy buzzed with anticipation. You found yourself between Rafe on your left and Sarah on your right. Across from you were Pope, Cleo, John B, and Chiara, each giving you encouraging grins or a raised brow.

Kiara took charge with a gleeful smile. “Alright, you all know how Never Have I Ever works, right?” She scanned the group, receiving nods all around. “Perfect! If anyone wants to skip a question, you take a shot. Simple enough. Should I start?” She tapped her chin playfully before flashing a mischievous grin. “Never have I ever dated someone at least ten years older than me.”

A chorus of laughter and surprised murmurs rippled through the group as Rafe, Kelce, and Topper each dropped a finger. A few gasps followed, and your eyes darted to Rafe, eyebrows raised in curiosity.

"So, you’re into cougars, huh?” you whispered, unable to hide your amused smile.

He shrugged, glancing at you with a glint of mischief in his eyes. “Not anymore,” he murmured, his gaze flicking to your lips. The slow lick he gave his own sent a spark through you, making you gulp and look away quickly. Was it the alcohol, or did he just do that on purpose?

JJ smirked, taking the lead for the next round. “Alright, let’s up the stakes. Never have I ever been in handcuffs…and I don’t mean the kind from a police station.”

The number of people lowering their fingers was surprising. Sarah, John B, Kelce, Chiara, Cleo...and even you. As soon as you put your finger down, Rafe snapped his head in your direction, his eyes wide with surprise. You avoided his gaze, a sly smirk playing on your lips as you focused elsewhere, feeling his lingering stare and the unspoken question in his eyes.

“Lots of naughty people here,” Kiara smirked, eyeing the group of us who had fingers down. Her grin was wicked as she surveyed the room, making everyone squirm just a little. “I see y’all… I see y’all! Alright, someone else ask the next question!”

Topper jumped at the chance, grinning as he dramatically raised a finger. “Never have I ever had a crush on someone in this room,” he declared, looking around with a teasing sparkle in his eyes.

You watched as some people—those who were obviously in relationships (and Chiara)—put their fingers down, laughing and giving each other cute looks. You shrugged, you didn’t relate to that question. You didn’t do anything, leaning back as others shared knowing glances. But then, Rafe nudged your shoulder, leaning down close enough for you to feel his breath against your ear.

“Come on, put a finger down,” he whispered, his voice low and warm. His hand rested on your knee, his thumb grazing in gentle circles, as if to coax you into admitting something.

You shook your head, letting out a sleepy laugh. “I don’t have a crush on anyone,” you slurred, clearly drunk. Your words came out slower, a bit softer, and you could feel Rafe chuckle beside you, probably entertained by how far gone you were.

“Did you forget we’re together?” he asked, amused. Without waiting for your response, he took your hand and put a finger down for you. His touch was gentle, yet possessive.

JJ spotted the exchange, laughter bursting out of him as he pointed at you. “Oh, damn, Rafe! She actually forgot she even likes you!”

Rafe shot him a mock glare, flipping him off with a grin. “That’s on you, fuck-heads, for handing her all those shots,” he retorted, pointing an accusatory finger around the group. “We’re gonna head out soon if she keeps this up.”

“No! Don’t go!” Cleo’s voice suddenly cut through, practically pouting. “I like her! Don’t take her away from me—us!”

Pope waved his hands, laughing as he tried to steer the game back on course. “Alright, let’s just keep this moving before the girls start crying. Here’s one—never have I ever had a threesome.”

The room went quiet, people hesitating to react. Then smirks appeared, and the accusations started flying at JJ, with Topper and a few others pointing fingers. “Come on, man! We literally saw you making out with two girls at once last month!”

You felt the conversation slipping in and out, barely paying attention to the bickering. Your head felt heavy, and with each passing second, you found yourself drifting further. Almost without realizing it, you leaned into Rafe’s shoulder, your head resting there like it had always belonged. His arm wrapped around you, hand trailing up and down your shoulder in comforting circles, and you closed your eyes, feeling strangely at peace. His warmth surrounded you, making the noise around you blur into the background. For a fleeting moment, you wondered if you could stay like this forever.

Across the room, Chiara’s eyes narrowed as she caught sight of the two of you, her jaw clenching almost imperceptibly. Her stare was sharp, piercing, and a flash of something darker seemed to flicker there.

“Hey, guys! Let’s stop arguing and actually play,” Sarah called out, snapping everyone’s attention back to the game. She pointed at you and Rafe, grinning. “Those two are practically out like lights! Okay, here’s one: never have I ever had sex in a movie theater.”

Laughter erupted again as John B hesitated, clearly too shy to admit to anything. You looked up at Rafe, raising an eyebrow playfully as if to ask if he’d ever done something like that. He met your gaze, shaking his head.

When he raised his brow to ask you the same question, you mimicked his gesture, shaking your head. But then, with a mischievous glint in your eye, you leaned into him, dropping your voice to a whisper. “Bathrooms, though… I’ve done it there.” You weren’t sure why you said it—he hadn’t even asked. “I don’t know if that counts…”

Rafe’s brows shot up in surprise, a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Guess you’re freakier than you look.”

You chuckled, leaning back. “What’s that supposed to mean? I don’t look like the type?”

He shook his head slowly, letting his eyes wander over you, his gaze lingering on your lips before it drifted back up to your eyes. “Not exactly,” he murmured, voice low.

“Oh?” you asked, hand drifting to rest on his thigh, watching the glint in his blue eyes intensify as he looked down at your hand. “Come on, Cameron. Tell me what I look like, then.”

His fingers traced light patterns under the hem of your shirt, brushing over the skin at your waist in a way that made your breath hitch. He leaned in close, his lips brushing your ear as he whispered, “You look like you want to be fucked roughly,” he paused, letting his words linger before he added with a smirk, “but maybe you should get some sleep instead.”

You playfully swatted his arm, pushing yourself upright with a laugh. “Screw you, Rafe.”

With a grin, he pulled you back to his side, wrapping his arms around you as you settled against him again. “Oh, come on, sweetheart,” he murmured, his voice gentle but teasing. “You know I’m just messing with you—”

Chiara Romano’s voice cut through the chatter with an edge sharper than before. “Okay, my turn now,” she said, raising her head, her eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that made you feel uneasy. “Never have I ever…” she paused, letting her gaze linger on you a moment longer, her lips curling into a smirk that held none of the warmth and humor everyone else’s questions had. “... never have I ever filmed myself in the bathroom puking my guts out after eating.”

A shocked silence fell over the room. You felt the air freeze, every eye darting to Chiara in disbelief, and then back to you. The words hit like a punch to the gut, and the humiliation was instant and overwhelming. Your face flushed as the awful memories flooded back—the horrible moment that video had been leaked, exposing your bulimia to the world without mercy. You’d spent months trying to rebuild, to reclaim your own story, but now it was out in the open again, with a cruelty that left you breathless.

Your cheeks flamed with humiliation, and your chest tightened as if the air had been sucked out of the room. You felt every gaze on you, piercing, questioning, but you couldn’t bring yourself to meet anyone’s eyes. Your fingers curled around your tighs, gripping tightly, almost leaving red marks.

You closed your eyes the moment you felt tears coming up. You didn’t want to cry in front of everyone, it was embarrassing enough that they got reminded of the most embarrassing moment of your life—crying would embarrass you even more. None of them know what you went through after that video got leaked. No one knew the nights you spent in rehab centers getting mocked for the video—as if everyone there wasn’t in because of mental illnesses too. They didn’t know the amount of strength it took for you to finally get clean… only for you to relapse again this afternoon.

They didn’t fucking know!

Rafe stood up beside you, his body going tense beside you. His jaw clenched as his eyes narrowed at her. “What the fuck is wrong you?” he yelled, his voice sharp, like he was barely holding back.

She shrugged, feigning innocence, though the smirk stayed firmly on her face. “What? I thought we were all sharing our secrets here, right? After all, the video has already been leaked for everyone to see, like, years ago… didn’t think it was such a big deal.”

You felt like you were drowning, the walls closing in on you as Chiara’s words rang in your ears. Without thinking, you bolted for the door, the need to escape driving you forward. You pushed past Rafe, who instinctively reached out for you, but you couldn’t stop. You needed to get out, away from the judgment, away from the stares that felt like daggers. The cold night air hit you as you stepped outside, but it didn’t matter; all you could think about was putting as much distance between yourself and the party as possible.

The rain poured down in sheets, drenching you instantly. You stumbled through the downpour, your heart racing as you made your way toward the car, the asphalt slick and glistening under the streetlights. You couldn’t believe it had come to this, running away like some frightened child, but the humiliation burned too fiercely to stand another moment.

Behind you, you heard Rafe call out your name, his voice cutting through the sound of the rain. “Y/N! Fuck—wait!” He sounded frantic, his tone a mix of worry and urgency. You could hear him rushing after you, his footsteps splashing through puddles as he chased you down.

“Just leave me alone!” you shouted over your shoulder, the words coming out more desperate than you intended. You didn’t want to feel his pity, didn’t want him to see you like this—broken and exposed. 

“Look, I’m so sorry for what she—”

“I don’t want your fucking pity, Rafe!” you turned around to see him running toward you. His clothes clinging to his body. “Just go back there, and leave me alone for the night, alright?”

“I’m not leaving you!” he shouted back, his voice firm. You could hear the determination in his tone, and it both soothed and angered you. Why wouldn’t he just let you go?

You reached the car, fumbling with the door handle, your fingers slipping as the rain poured down, obscuring your vision. You wanted to get inside, to hide from everything—from Chiara, from your mistakes, from the shame that clung to you like a second skin.

Just as you finally got the door open, Rafe was there, blocking your way. He stood next to you, soaking wet but unbothered, his expression fierce and protective. “Y/N, please,” he urged, his voice softer now, almost pleading. “Come on… Just… just talk to me.”

His presence was grounding, but you couldn’t shake off the overwhelming tide of emotions surging through you. “What’s there to talk about?” you asked, your voice broke. “It’s all out there for everyone to see. I couldn’t handle it back then and I… I can’t handle it now. I can’t…” you felt tears pooling at your eyes.

Rafe took a step closer, rain cascading down his face, but he didn’t reach for you. Instead, he held his hands up, palms facing you. “Don’t run away from this.”

“Watch me,” you shot back, glaring at him through tears. “You can’t fix this, Rafe, so just let me go.”

“I am not letting you go,” he insisted. “What she did was cruel—she felt miserable seeing us together. You know better than this.”

“Do I?” you echoed, feeling your own resolve wavering as you locked eyes with him. “It’s easy for you to say. You’re not the one with the history she just exposed. You’re not the one who’s been ridiculed for something that was leaked against your will!”

“Neither am I the one hiding in a corner, sulking because some jealous bitch decided to take a cheap shot,” Rafe countered, his frustration evident. “You’re stronger than this, so stop acting like you’re not. Stand up for yourself!”

“Stand up for myself?” You laughed, a hollow sound that echoed in the rain. “And how do you suggest I do that? By going back there and asking her to apologize? By acting like it doesn’t hurt?”

“Why give her the satisfaction of knowing she’s getting to you?”

“Because it’s easy!” you snapped, frustration boiling over. “It’s easier to run away and hide than it is to face the pain! Don’t you get that? I thought I was done with all of this, and now I’m just… I’m back to square one. I thought you understood me better than that.”

“Clearly, I don’t,” he said, his tone cutting. “You want to hide, and I’m not going to let you hide from yourself. I care about you, Y/N...”

You felt your heart pound in your chest, caught between anger and a flicker of something deeper. “What you care about is saving face. You want the perfect girlfriend who can handle anything. But I’m not that person, Rafe. I’m a mess. I have issues, and I’m tired of pretending I’m not.”

He stepped closer, the tension between you thick and electric. “And I’m not asking you to pretend. I’m asking you to be real. To be honest about what you’re feeling. We can face this if you’d just let me help you instead of pushing me away.”

You hesitated, the rain drumming a steady rhythm around you as you stared at him. “Maybe I don’t want your help. Maybe I don’t need anyone to fix me.”

“Then why the hell are you running away from this?” he challenged, his voice rising again. “Because it’s too hard? Because it makes you uncomfortable? Life is uncomfortable, Y/N! That’s the reality, and running away doesn’t change that.”

“I just don’t want to do this right now,” you shot back, the weariness of the night creeping in. “I didn’t sign up for a therapy session. I wanted to have fun, to forget, and now it feels like I’m being dragged back into all the crap.”

Rafe’s expression softened slightly, but his resolve remained. “And you can’t forget by ignoring it. You have to face it, and I’m not going to let you do it alone. If that means we argue, then so be it. But I’m not walking away.”

You looked away, biting your lip to keep the frustration at bay. “Maybe you should. Maybe it would be easier for both of us.”

“Easier? For who?” he challenged but you couldn’t answer him anymore.

You didn’t have the strength to fight. You sighed. “Can you get me home or not?”

He ran his hands through his buzzcut and nodded. “You’re not gonna say goodbye to everyone?” You shook your head, not wanting to get back in there and look at them staring at you. “Alright… get in the car, then.”

You climbed into the passenger seat, the cool leather sticking to your damp clothes. Rafe slipped in beside you, his jaw set, hands gripping the wheel. Neither of you said a word, the silence thick and uncomfortable, each of you lost in your own thoughts. You stared out the window, watching the raindrops race each other down the glass, trying to focus on anything other than the weight of the tension that hung between you.

Your heart was still pounding, the adrenaline from the confrontation lingering in your veins. You could feel the shame gnawing at you, the humiliation settling into a deep, aching hollow inside you. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Rafe shifting in his seat, glancing at you every so often, his mouth twitching as if he wanted to say something. But he kept quiet, his gaze fixed on the rain-soaked road ahead. His fingers tapped against the steering wheel, a small, nervous rhythm that betrayed the stillness in the car.

The silence was suffocating, heavy with words unsaid. You could feel the questions he wanted to ask, the concern he held back, but he didn’t press. Part of you appreciated it, yet another part of you wished he would just break the silence, say something to shatter this unbearable quiet.

You stole a glance at him, his brow furrowed, jaw clenched. He was clearly wrestling with something, struggling between respecting your need for space and his own instinct to reach out. But his restraint made everything feel even more surreal, like the two of you were strangers again, pretending not to know each other’s pain.

Eventually, you wrapped your arms around yourself, feeling the chill of your damp clothes seep into your skin.

When he pulled up in front of your apartment building, he kept the engine running, his hands still gripping the wheel tightly. He didn’t make any move to get out or say goodbye. He just sat there, glancing out the window before looking back at you, his lips parting slightly as if he might finally say something.

With a quiet sigh, you pushed the door open, stepping out into the drizzle that had softened into a gentle mist. The cold bit into your skin, but you barely noticed. You closed the door behind you, barely looking back, willing yourself not to dwell on the weight of his stare as you turned toward the entrance of your building—but you paused, feeling a pang of dread at the thought of stepping into your apartment alone. The quiet and emptiness that usually felt like a sanctuary now seemed suffocating. You hesitated, glancing back at the car where Rafe still sat, staring out into the rain.

Before you could second-guess yourself, you turned back and walked toward him, knocking gently on his window. He looked up, a mixture of surprise and uncertainty crossing his face as he rolled the window down. The awkwardness was palpable, hanging between you like a fragile thread.

“Do you… want to come up?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. “I just—I just don’t feel like being alone right now.” You glanced away, feeling vulnerable, exposed. This wasn’t easy to admit, especially not to him.

Rafe blinked, clearly caught off guard. He hesitated, the tension in his posture softening as he considered your request. “Uh, yeah… sure,” he replied, though there was a touch of awkwardness in his voice, like he wasn’t sure he was the right person for this. Still, he killed the engine and got out of the car, following you toward the entrance.

Inside the building, you moved wordlessly up the stairs together, the elevator’s light out as usual. The quiet between you was no longer charged with unspoken tension but instead carried a strange, subdued calm. Each step felt heavier, and you could feel his presence just a few inches behind you, grounding you in a way that felt strangely comforting.

When you finally reached your door, you unlocked it and stepped inside, flicking on a dim light that bathed the space in a warm, muted glow. Rafe followed, taking in the familiar yet intimate details of your apartment as he shrugged off his jacket. He looked unsure, like he didn’t quite know where to stand or what to say, so he hovered near the doorway.

You offered him a small, grateful smile and gestured toward the couch. “You can sit, if you want. I’ll make some tea or something,” you mumbled, moving toward the kitchen before he could respond. The warmth of your apartment slowly started to chip away at the lingering chill from the rain outside, and you felt a hint of comfort beginning to settle in.

When you returned with two mugs, Rafe had taken a seat on the couch, his gaze still wandering around the room, perhaps more at ease now. He accepted the tea with a quiet “thanks,” and you sat beside him, the silence stretching out once more, but this time it didn’t feel as heavy. 

You can feel the heat radiating from his body, close enough that your knees almost touch, and every so often, your eyes meet and then dart away, a faint spark igniting each time.

It’s you who finally breaks the voice, your voice soft. “I’m going to change. I can… One of my friends’ left his clothes there, I can give them to you, if you want?”

Rafe looked up from his mug, his expression caught between surprise and a hesitant relief. “Yeah, that’d be… that’d be great,” he replied, glancing down at his damp clothes, his shoulders relaxing slightly.

You rose from the couch, moving to your room to dig through the small pile of clothes left behind from friends. Finding an oversized hoodie and some sweatpants, you returned and handed them to him, offering a half-smile. “They might be a little big, but better than wet clothes.”

He nodded, accepting them with a quiet “Thanks,” and stepped into the bathroom to change. The moment he was out of sight, you took a deep breath, feeling the quiet around you settle into something both calm and unfamiliar, his presence somehow easing the edges of your earlier anxiety. You wrapped your arms around yourself, still shaken by everything that had happened, but also oddly comforted by knowing you weren’t alone tonight.

When he emerged, dressed in the loose-fitting hoodie and sweats, he looked different—more relaxed, less guarded. He took a tentative step back into the living room, running a hand through his damp hair as he caught your eye, almost sheepish.

You managed a faint smile, gesturing to the couch again, and he sank down beside you. He set his mug on the table, his fingers fidgeting slightly before he leaned back, settling in.

“Well, I... I’ll just go change. Make yourself comfortable,” you said, your voice soft but inviting. Leaving Rafe in the living room, you headed to your bedroom, slipping into a comfortable black tank top and a pair of Hello Kitty pajama pants—the ones Nina, your agent, gifted you when you’d first arrived in the U.S. They were worn in with memories, each time you wore them a reminder of how far you’d come. You removed your makeup and pulled your hair into a ponytail, feeling lighter and more yourself.

When you reemerged, you noticed Rafe standing in the hallway, intently studying a small collection of photos you had on the wall. You approached him quietly, noticing that he was particularly focused on a picture of you from when you were nineteen, dressed in a deep green saree at a friend’s wedding in the States. You were surrounded by your group of friends, all of you smiling.

“You looked beautiful,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper, as though speaking louder might disturb something precious in the moment.

“Thank you…” you murmured, feeling a soft warmth rise in your cheeks. You glanced back at the photo, remembering how special that day was. “I really like this one. I’d just arrived here and didn’t know many people yet. Then a few friends invited me to the wedding, and I felt... confident, you know? Like I could start fresh here. And wearing a saree again just felt like home—the color, everything... It was my first time going to a wedding here.”

“And how did it feel?” he asked, genuinely curious.

You let out a small laugh, recalling the night. “It was just like back home, only better in some ways. No one really knew who I was, so I didn’t have any aunties critiquing me. Though they did make sure I had enough food to last a week,” you chuckled, a smile playing at the corner of your lips. The memory was comforting, a reminder of the warmth that had welcomed you into this new life.

“The color suits you,” he said, his eyes still lingering on the photo before meeting yours with a hint of a smile.

“You sure you’re not only saying that because it’s your favorite co—”

Before you could finish your phrase, he closed the space between you, his hands finding your face as he pulled you into a rough, heated kiss. His lips crashed against yours with a passion that caught you completely off guard, leaving you breathless, swept up in the sudden intensity of his need.

When he finally pulled back, your pulse was racing, and you stared at him, dazed. “Why… why did you kiss me?” you asked, your voice barely a whisper, still trying to catch your breath.

A slow smirk spread across his face as he brushed his thumb over your cheek. “I wanted to know what you tasted like… again,” he murmured, his voice thick with a teasing confidence that made your cheeks flush.

You swallowed, still feeling the lingering heat of his lips. “And what do I taste like?”

He studied your lips for a moment, then met your gaze with a dangerous glint. “Come il mio,” he said softly in Italian, his words like a promise before his mouth captured yours again, this time slower but just as consuming.

Without breaking the kiss, he guided you back into the living room, his hands firm as they slid around your waist, drawing you close. He lowered you onto the sofa, his lips moving from your mouth to trace a path down the curve of your neck, igniting your skin with each graze of his mouth. His hand slipped to the small of your back, pressing you deeper into the cushions as he continued kissing you, his breath warm against your skin, leaving you dizzy and yearning for more.

You moaned softly when he kissed and sucked the curve just below your collarbone. His lips pressed firmly against your skin, his mouth hot and possessive. The gentle graze of his teeth sent a jolt of desire through you, leaving you breathless and wanting for more. He lingered there, sucking and kissing with a fervor that made you ache for him, making you grind against him unconsciously.

“That’s going to show, Cameron,” you tried to scold him, breathless, feeling both exposed and exhilarated as he moved lower, tracing the outline of your neck.

A wicked smile curled at the corners of his lips, his breath warm against your skin as he murmured, “Good. I want everyone to know.” The rasp of his voice, thick with desire, made your insides flutter as he leaned in closer, his mouth capturing the tender skin just below your ear. 

He pulled back slightly, his eyes dark and hungry as they roamed over you. Your flushed skin, your red and pulped lips, and your hard nipples. He was admiring the evidence of his claim. The look in his gaze made your pulse quicken, both thrilling and intoxicating, as if he were savoring the sight of you beneath him.

“Shit! You look perfect like this,” he murmured, his thumb brushing over one of the marks he’d left behind. The softness of his touch contrasted sharply with the heat pooling in your core, making you feel both cherished and utterly desired. “Like you belong to me.”

You sat up abruptly, a surge of confidence washing over you as you peeled off your top, revealing your bare breasts to the air without a hint of shame. Maybe it was the way his eyes roamed over you, filled with wonder and desire, as if you were the most beautiful sight he had ever encountered. Or perhaps it was the intoxicating buzz of alcohol still coursing through your veins, amplifying your boldness.

Either way, you didn't care.

“I’m the luckiest motherfucker on earth,” he muttered to himself, his voice low and awestruck, before sinking back onto the sofa, his lips finding your skin with fervor. His mouth was like fire against your breasts as he sucked and kissed, igniting a wild heat within you. You threaded your fingers through his closely cropped hair, tugging gently as you lost yourself in the pleasure of his touch. His tongue flicked against your nipple, sending delicious shivers coursing through your body, and you couldn’t help but wonder how you had gone so long without him.

As his fingers slipped beneath the waistband of your pants, your breath hitched with anticipation. His hand glided up your thighs, tantalizingly close to where you needed him most. “Rafe…” you breathed, your voice trembling with longing. “Please…”

“Please what?” he challenged, his tone teasing but laced with desire. “Tell me what you need, baby.”

“Just… touch me. I want you to touch me,” you moaned, your hips instinctively rolling against his hard cock-straining against the fabric of the sweatpants you gave him.

“Touch you where?”

His playful question sent a spark of frustration through you, and instead of answering verbally, you guided his hand, placing it firmly on your pussy. “Here. Touch me here. Please…”

In an instant, your pajama pants were gone, discarded like the inhibitions that had held you back. He kissed his way down your stomach, trailing hot kisses over the fabric of your panties, before moving to the sensitive skin of your inner thighs. A shiver ran down your spine, and you couldn’t resist glancing down at him, but something tugged at your thoughts. You called out his name, your voice breathy.

“Yes, baby?” he replied, looking up with hunger.

“Take it off.” You pointed at his shirt, and without hesitation, he stripped it off in one smooth motion, revealing his chiseled torso. He climbed over you, his body hovering just above yours, radiating warmth and strength. You couldn’t help but reach out, exploring his body—his hair, his lips, his broad chest, and the defined muscles of his abs.

With a sudden intensity, he kissed you again, their lips melding together as if they were made for one another. But after a moment that felt too short, he pulled away and descended between your legs once more.

Just the image of him between your legs could make you come.

“God, I want to taste you,” he groaned, his fingers touching your clit through your panties. “Tell me, pretty, do you want me to taste you?”

You nodded.

“Words, baby.”

“I do,” you moaned, your nails digging into his shoulders as you wrapped your legs around him. “I want you so fucking much, gosh!”

As the heat in the room swelled, just when you thought Rafe would finally remove your underwear, he suddenly stopped. His hands ran frantically through his hair as he began to pace around your living room, his agitation palpable. Confusion washed over you, your brow furrowing in concern as you sat up.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. “Rafe, please talk to me. What’s going on?”

“I can’t do it,” he said, shaking his head, the anguish in his eyes cutting through the atmosphere like a knife. “I can’t do this—”

“Do what? What are you talking about?” Panic tightened your chest as you searched his face for answers.

“Have sex with you,” he finally admitted, his gaze finally locking onto yours. “I can’t have sex with you, Y/N.”

The world around you faded, and a cold wave of vulnerability crashed over you, leaving you feeling exposed and raw. Tears prickled at the corners of your eyes as you scrambled to grab your black top from the floor, pulling it over your head, a desperate attempt to cover not just your body but the aching hurt in your heart. “Wha… why? Why can’t you? We were doing so well… I thought it was good.”

Rafe stepped closer, his expression softening but shadowed with pain. He cupped your cheeks in his warm hands, but instead of comfort, it felt worsel. His eyes shimmered with unshed tears as he leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, as if he were trying to transfer some of his strength to you. But then, he turned and walked toward the hallway to put on his shoes, and the ache in your chest grew.

You couldn’t let him leave like this. Panic surged through you as you sprang to your feet, rushing to the door to block his path. “Tell me why,” you insisted, your voice cracking as you wiped away the tears that had begun to fall.

“Y/N, you’re drunk…”

“So are you! You’re tipsy!” you threw your arms up in frustration. “Why does that matter? I want you. You want me—”

“Because I don’t want you to regret it,” he said, his voice breaking as if the words were tearing him apart. He sighed deeply, the weight of his decision hanging heavy between you. “I don’t want you to hate yourself when you wake up in the morning because you slept with me.”

“That’s not going to happen, Rafe. Please don’t leave. Stay here with me—we don’t have to do anything,” you pleaded, desperation dripping from your every word. 

But his mind was made up. He leaned in, brushing his lips softly against yours one last time, a sweet farewell filled with unspoken emotions. As he asked you to step aside, you felt a piece of your heart crack. You moved reluctantly, watching as he walked toward the elevator, each step echoing in your mind like a countdown to the end.

Just before the doors closed, he turned back, his expression a mixture of regret and sorrow that mirrored your own. “I am sorry, sweetheart.”

And then he was gone.

Since then, you haven't heard from him in two weeks.

chapter six

[mariasont]

hi !!!!! i love your hotch x oc x reid fic so much, literally got to work late because you updated and i just HAD to read it when the notif came in !

can i request a kinda fluff-y turning to smut fic about maybe reader's small hands compared to spencer's large hands (his hands are so INTOXICATING).

maybe the fluff part can be kinda cute with their first time holding hands starting from that "oh lets compare hand sizes" and then intertwining fingers?? one of the best spencer fic tropes/hcs is when he's usually not enthusiastic abt touching but when its You he loves it and hes been so touched starved DHSKDHHD // and then the smut can kinda be like how reader's hands make his dick look huge (or smth! im sorry this is my first time requesting a fic!!)

i hope im not coming out as being too demanding !! you can have all the freedom w this !!!! sorry sorry for the long request 🙈🙈🙈

love your work !!! 😙

HANDS, HANDS, and HANDS-------------

A/N: AHHHH your mind!!!!! I LOVE IT <3

we need a whole episode just dedicated to his hands fr!

thank you so much for requesting and the kind words, I hope I did it justice <3 xoxo

‧₊˚ ✩°｡⋆♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡⋆｡°✩˚₊‧

pairings: spencer reid x fem!reader

warnings: 18+ minors dni, hand kink, praise, size kink, m receiving oral, take a shot every time someone says sorry

wc: 1.9k

Your infatuation with Dr. Spencer Reid was an open book to everyone--damn profilers--well, everyone except the man of the hour, Dr. Reid himself. It was hard to say when it all started. Subtle changes crept in--the extra care you took in choosing your outfits to work; the way words suddenly became hurdles in conversations with him; the sensation of your heart nearly leaping out of your chest anytime he was in the vicinity. 

Despite your skills as a profiler, deciphering Dr. Reid was like trying to read braille through gloves. So, you pushed those feelings down, crushing them beneath a metaphorical heel to maintain professionalism. It wasn't exactly a successful strategy, but that wasn't the point. You reassured yourself that even if romance wasn't in the cards, friendship was the next best thing. And what a friend he was--remarkable in every way, which is why you found yourself here, in his apartment, dissecting case files together. It was a friendly gesture, surely, to escape the office when it becomes a little too suffocating. 

You felt your pulse race as he brought his fingers to his lips, preparing to sift through the stack of papers. A dryness clutched at your throat, fingers nervously fidgeting with the hem of your skirt, while you're sure your eyes betrayed a cartoonish adoration, practically orbiting with hearts. Forgotten was your own paperwork that now served as a makeshift blanket for your thighs, as he spoke. Your arm claimed the territory along the back of the couch, with your own hand gently propping up your check, a picture of relaxed attentiveness.

In the midst of his lecture about the golden ratio and its prevalence in nature, Spencer suddenly grabs a nearby book, flips to a diagram of a human hand, and says, "Did you realize that our hands are a prime example of this phenomenon? Give me your hand."

Your eyebrows knit together, your head angling subtly towards the boy genius. "Sorry, what?"

Without a word, Spencer lays your hand upon the diagram's expanse. Amidst the book, your hand seems smaller, delicate, a stark contrast the bold lines drawn on paper. 

He looks at you with a soft smile. "See, the size of one's hand doesn't really correlate with the golden ratio--it's more about the proportions within the hand itself. For instance, the length of your fingers compared to your palm, or the distance between the tip of your thumb and the tip of your pinky stretched out."

His hand leads yours across the pages, but you're barely registering the words. Instead, you're acutely aware of the warmth of his touch, causing your thighs to clench on their own accord, your mind tumbling over itself.

"Your hands are actually significantly smaller than the average," he comments, almost to himself. The statement is harmless, yet he finds his imagination wandering. He quickly refocuses, saying, "The range of hand sizes is quite broad, which is interesting biologically. Here--"

He extends his hand, palm open, beside yours--a natural extension of your conversation, yet he shifts slightly against the couch. Spencer was taken aback by his own actions. Physical touch was something he generally recoiled from, but here he was, seeking yours out. He realized this had become a habit, finding reasons to be near you, to feel your touch. Anytime there was something to be handed to you at work, he was quick to volunteer, all for the fleeting possibility of a brush of fingers.

He watched, captivated, as you aligned your palm with his, matching up the bottom of your palms. His attention was drawn to the stark difference between your hands; his, significantly larger, seemed to engulf yours entirely. He found the sight unexpectedly compelling. The disparity in size stirred his curiosity, leading him to wonder how your hand would look clasped around his cock.

His thumb grazed the back of your hand in a subconscious motion as he pondered out loud. "Did you know," he began, his voice sinking an octave, "that the ratio of the lengths of our second to fourth fingers is believed to correlate with various hormones, affecting the way we interact with others."

You found yourself holding your breath as you mapped the shape of your hands together, a subtle dampness beginning to form between your legs. This is what got you worked up? Clearly, you mused, getting laid was overdue. 

As if guided by a force beyond your control, your fingers gradually intertwined, each finger fingers its perfect counterpart. Recoiling as if from a burn, you realized the intimacy of the gesture, a rush of apologies escaping your lips. "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to-"

A blush crept up Spencer's neck as he hastened to interject. "No, no, it's completely fine, really."

The moment passed, and you both redirected your focus to the paperwork. Yet, the routine task did little to dispel the residual thoughts of his touch. The size difference, the feeling of his larger hand wrapping around yours, and how ideally his fingers would look pumping inside of you or wrapping around your throat. It all kept playing on your mind, a silent movie that you can't stop watching.

Spencer too, seems lost in thought, his gaze drifting from the files to your hands--manicured and delicate. He watches, seemingly without awareness, as those same hands idly toy with the hem of your skirt, or the way they spin your earring when deep in thought. To him, these minor actions have suddenly become fascinating.

Spencer's voice cuts through the stillness as he resumes his concentration on the work before him. "How do you interpret this?" he probes, touching a finger to a page of the file perched on his lap.

You lean in, curiosity leading you to reach for the file. Your actions freeze momentarily as your knuckles brush against his crouch. You pause, blinking deliberately, as you second-guess what you felt. He was hard as a rock.

You could feel the heat rushing to your cheeks, eyes growing wide with surprise. "Oh, um, sorry," you muttered. 

In a rapid movement, Spencer combed his fingers through his hair, causing the curls to obstruct his view. He snatched a pillow and tossed it in his lap, tilting his head back against the couch with a look of embarrassment. "No, I'm sorry, I, uh--"

Anticipating a scholarly lecture on the male hormones, you quickly interject. "Do you want help?"

Spencer's eyes grew wide as he regarded your face. Your lashes fluttered with a slow blink, your demeanor completely serious. His traced the flush of your cheeks, the gentle parting of your lips, the accelerated rise and fall of your chest. His head tilted slightly, expecting the punchline to follow.

He let out a puff of air. "Do I want what?"

He noted your head tilting to the side, mirroring his own actions. Your hand reached forward, poised to replace the pillow on his lap. Your pinky dragged across the material of his jeans, moving with excruciating slowness. 

"That seems painful," you comment quickly, before your sudden courage fades. "Let can help."

You moved swiftly to his belt, and you could hear his breath hitch in short bursts. He murmured your name, his hand threading through your hair to grasp gently at the nape of your neck.

You shot him an innocent smile as you edged his pants down, just enough to access his boxers. Your smile made him believe he could come on the spot--the way you looked so eager, like you had been waiting for this. He let out a shaky breath as you released his length from his boxers.

You were engulfed in a dizzying feeling, your eyes widened to saucers as you seized his massive cock. "Holy shit, Spencer, you're huge."

You were barely aware of the words tumbling from your lips as you gawked. The impact on him was immediate, the intensity of your graze was maddening. Your small hands encircled his base, accentuating his size. His grasp on your neck grew firmer as he coaxed your head down. 

"Don't play," came his growl, so out of character. Warmth bloomed in your face, excitement bubbling in your chest as your thighs clasped together.

You flashed him a gentle, unassuming smile as you hastily took him in your mouth. You felt like a new person, an unprecedented need flowing through you.

Spencer let out a sharp hiss as your lips met his cock, taking him as far as you could. He mentally thanked whatever gods existed, unsure of what he had done to deserve this. His hands deftly collected your hair in his grasp, aiding you in guiding him even deeper. His breaths hastened as he praised, "Good god, baby."

His words only egged you on, your movements turning sloppy as you bobbed up and down, working every inch of his cock. You never knew sucking a man off could be so enjoyable. You wanted to savor the moment, to savor him. You encircled the based with your other hand, granting yourself reach to what had been inaccessible to your mouth as you started to synchronize your movements.

"Look at you," Spencer muttered hoarsely, his gaze flickering to your hands. Those damn hands, they looked so perfect around him, even better than he imagined. "You look like you were made for this."

You moaned around him in response, the slickness between your legs starting to drop down your thighs upon his praise. This elicited a hiss from him, tightening his grip in your hair as he drew you away from his throbbing cock, spit trailing from your mouth as you separated. 

"Wha-?" Your question hung in the air, marked by the crease of your confusion on your forehead. 

He didn't let you finish, simply stating. "On your knees."

Without hesitation, you followed his direction, your hands clasped in anticipation as you moved from the couch to the floor, your balance settling back into your heels as he towered over you. "Open."

You complied with his command, easing your jaw as he guided himself onto your tongue. A soft moan escaped you, enveloping his cock. He coaxed his length into your mouth, your hands steadying on his thighs as he all but used your face.

Spencer's hands cradled your face, fully encompassing your cheeks as he thrusted into your mouth. His pulse thundered at a pace he hadn't thought possible, and fuck, he wouldn't mind if this was how death welcomed him. There you were, on your knees, so compliant around his cock. His breaths grew rapid as your nails trailed up his thighs. 

"You're so good," he muttered, eyes casting down upon you, your glazed expression, the drool peeking out from the corners of your lips. "So good. 'M so close."

He moves to withdraw from your mouth, but your hands find their way to the back of his thighs, holding him in place, denying his escape. He exhales a deep, unrestrained moan, thrusting into your mouth once more, shallowing moving as the warm liquid fills your mouth. 

He gazes, spellbound, as you swallow his come completely, your head lolling back in total bliss. In that instant, he realizes his willingness to do anything to keep you close, to see you like this--spent, disheveled, and content.

Breaking the silence, you ask, "Did that help?" His laughter, soft and subdued, fills the air as he reaches out, cupping your cheeks once more. He descends to meet you, his kiss messy and desperate, finding the taste of himself lingering on your lips as his hands untangle your knotted hair. 

"You're amazing," he exhaled, their lips parting. "Now, let me return the favor."

[zerobasekazuha]

Okay so probably a very cliche thing to write about BUT im a SUCKER for it

Venture notices fem!reader is getting hit on at a party and glares at the person doing it the entire time. Once the reader and venture get home, they immediately press her against the wall and “questions” her. Aka, they get jealous as HELL 😈

BONUS POINTS IF VENTURE CALLS THE READER “PRINCESS” i am a major softie for it 💕

Sorry for the late response so to make up for it I’ll make this extra juicy 😝

Sloan didn’t want to go to this pity party the wayfinders decided to put on. Everybody was able to bring guests and just enjoy themselves how they wanted to. Sloan decided to bring their partner Y/n. She looked absolutely stunning in their eyes and behind her they looked like a lovesick puppy.

However with that it also meant that they had to be extra protective over her. They didn’t want anybody thirsting over what was theirs. Y/n was their angel and everything they could ever ask for. Sloan was blessed to even be able to breathe the same air as her. As much as she told them she wasn’t anything special Sloan refused to believe it.

There had been somebody at the party who made Sloan uncomfortable. It was this guy who seemed to be thirsting on whats theirs. It annoyed them, but without probable cause they couldn’t do anything about it.

The night progressed and as it did the guy seemed to be making moves at Y/n. Sloan was slightly tipsy from the alcohol they ingested while conversing with their team. They looked across the room at the guy leaning against the wall talking to Y/n. They could feel their heart drop to their feet.

But they knew deep in their heart she wouldn’t do anything to them. The way the guy looked at her made Sloans blood boil. But it seemed Y/n didn’t notice. They came over snaking an arm around Y/ns waist and casually joining the conversation. But it seemed the guy didn’t take the hint.

Each lighthearted joke, each compliment to her, the way his eyes scanned her body like she was just some meat irked Sloan. Enough that they decided they wanted to leave early. But they couldn’t just say that. They would feel bad if they forced Y/n to leave so soon.

“Wow I’m so tired! It’s so late.” Sloan fake yawned as they looked at Y/n. She knew what was up because Sloan never usually got tired this early. She nodded agreeing with them. “Yeah it really is, we should get home.” Sloan mentally cheered as the two. Said their goodbyes and eventually went to the home they shared.

As soon as the door closed behind Y/n, Sloan pushed her against the wall, their eyes looking down at her almost with jealousy. But she was focused on how long and pretty their eyelashes were.

“Somebody was being a bit too friendly.” They said with their voice laced with venom. Their hands rested on the soft curves of her body. “What? Sloan I-“ “He was flirting, you and I both know that.” Y/n didn’t say much. It was true. She knew that he was flirting but she didn’t entertain it. Why would she?

“Did you like the attention? Hm? If you just wanted attention mi dulce princesa you could have just asked.” Sloan knew how their Spanish affected her. Like it was a cheat code to get her to fold.

“I-I no- It’s not..” But there wasn’t a good enough excuse. Maybe she did want attention. But it’s not like she would ask them for it. She expected them to just know.

“You’re such a terrible liar. If you wanted me to compliment you I would have told you that you were prettier than any star in the sky. Or maybe you wanted to be lusted over. Seen as sexy? And god you really are.”

Sloan looked from her eyes to her lips. Then to her neck. They leaned in and kissed her neck, softly biting upon some parts of it. They then went up and kissed her gently. Some of her darker red lipstick going onto their lips.

“I’ll give you all the attention you could ever ask for tonight, hermosa princesa.”

Cliffhanger!! But I might continue it just lmk if I should, possessive Venture I need them sm

[xdyledz]

My weirdo

Description!: when you tell people that your boyfriend is a little werid they don’t seem to believe, heck HE doesn’t even believe it.

╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╮

wednesday 10:24 am

“ y/n you really lucked out with akaashi “ y/f/n said as she leaned against a locker next to yours. “ huh? what do you mean?” “ he’s like the perfect guy girl ugh if i had a boyfriend like him i would ever let him leave my side “ you chuckled at that, i mean she’s right akaashi is very nice.

“ well yes he is very sweet, and VERY attractive” you said while slightly turning your head and showing a smirk. Y/f/n smiles and before she can speak you throw out at “ and you know he’s a little werid….why are you looking at me like that?”

“ you’re joking right? him werid now if you were dating konoha i would understand but akaashi werid? “ you weren’t sure how to respond to this, it’s not like he’s werid in a BAD way it’s just you would never expect this from him.

You twist your face and throw out a small pout and say “ don’t talk about my love life, where’s your boyfriend “ “ HEY”. you two go back and forth for a bit having a friendly bicker, unknowing to you a figure comes up behind you.

you notice y/f/n eyes flicker to the side for a moment and throw out a smile before she quickly raps up the conversation. “ oh before i go are you guys still going out on saturday? “ making a confused face you say “ guys? oh me and keiji? yes we’re still going out but i promise thursday im yours “ there’s an awkward beat of you to staring at each other and ‘ what is she looking at behind me? is there a fight?’ you close you locker and say “ i’ll see you at lunch bye!” after waving to her you turn around and- “ AHHH “.

stumble back a bit you see your boyfriend standing there…” keiji have you been there the whole time?” you say while putting you hand to your heart and trying to calm down while ignoring the stares from your fellow school mates “ um yes? did you not notice?” “ keiji what? no! you didn’t say anything “ he puts his hand up to scratch the back of his head and says “ oh well we should head to class” grabbing your hand and leading you to class.

wednesday 6:45 pm

“ here “ “ keiji i hate cookies and cream “ akaashi freezes in his spot and turns down to look at you “ and i hate bokutos emo modes but i still deal with them “ after finishing his sentace he sits down on the couch and makes sure to Scooch a little far from you.

“ keijiiii you can at least act like you care “ you say as you scooch over to him and throw your legs over his lap “ y/n you’re favorite ice cream is cookies and cream “ he says as he picks up his spoon to take a bite out of the small carton. mid bight he hears.

“ Yeah i am right you are a little weird “ you look up at your boyfriend and see a spoon hanging out of his mouth and his eyebrows pushed in. “ …what?..” “ keiji you’re weird “. you’re boyfriend is deep in thought trying to figure out the puzzle pieces “ i’m werid because…i got your favorite ice cream?” “ no i mean you do werid things “ “ what how?”

you take a deep breath and give him a kiss on the cheek, gathering a spoon full of ice cream and putting it into your mouth you say “ well for starters, you need to stop scaring me! “. There’s a pause before he speaks “ how do i scare you? wait are you talking about earlier with y/f/n?” he wipes a pea ice of cookie off your lip and licks him thumb. “ ok first you’re a freak for that second yes you always do that “ now looking more puzzled then ever he says “ how and a freak?… and how is that werid “ “ being a freak is not weird “ you say with a smile “ no i mean me standing behind you “.

you chuckle and say “ you don’t make yourself know keiji, you just stand there and not even next to me BEHIND me so when i turn around i either A bumb into you and B get scared, and it’s not even just me, i’ve seen you do this to everyone! “ you say and start laughing as you remember the times he has scared his family and friends even his coach!

“ i don’t- i think think it’s that werid “ akaashi mumbles under his breath and he takes another bite of his ice cream. “ so i’m weird because of that? that’s not that bad “ he says as he gives you a look “ well you do have a staring problem “ “ okay now you just lying to me “.

for the next 20 ish minutes you tell akaashi about his werid habits, his questionable t shirts that he only wears to sleep now, or the time you caught him acting out a fight or conversation he had, or when he just randomly screams out of no were. “ oh yeah and you’re doing one right now you like to bite ice cream”

setting his ice down on the coffee table infront of him he says “ alright first you just have sensitive teeth don’t make fun of me for being more developed then you and second i’ve had enough badgering for the night “ he says as he lets his face fall into his cold hands.

you giggle to yourself, wrapping your arms around his frame making his head lay on your shoulder you say. “ even if you are a werido it means your not boring, and plus i scored big time with you. You’re kind, and funny, you’re sweet and you smell good, you can cook and you give me some of your food….and you’re incredibly handsome “ you say as you kiss his forehead.

You hear him let out a big sigh as he wraps his arms around you and give you a few pecks to your neck. “ well take you” “ your welcome keiji” you feel him smile against your neck.

“ so are we going to talk about how you bite me? or how you love to stick your feet on me? “

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╯

soo first story since…2021 i think? yeah so please leave comments on how i can improve!



[stevie-petey]

could we get a blurb of one day steve went and visited her at work, just some goood friendly and fun banter and friendship and maybe accidental flirting while he helps her out and hangs around? 🫶

hi anon that i have zero clue who u are you !! and yes, i CAN give u a cute lil happy blurb

enjoy <3

“lets play two truths and one lie.”

you roll your eyes at steve. “didnt i tell you to quietly stack some books while i arrange the shelves?”

“but im bored,” he groans, following you as you straighten some books and start setting up a new display area.

“youre the one who insists on coming here every day. it’s summer now. go get some sun.”

steve blinks. “but youre in here.”

“and?”

“itd be boring without you, too.” he says, his face open and sweet as always. his candor is still something you arent used to. theres never anything hidden within his words.

you poke steves chest. “you need to figure out what you want, buddy.”

he grabs the hand thats poked him and tugs you close. “i wanna play two truths and one lie.”

he bats his eyes at you and your stomach flutters. youre insanely close to him now, hes still holding your hand, and he now rests his other hand on the small of your back in a way that makes you shiver in the june humidity. this close, you can see all the freckles that dot across his pretty face.

“i…” your words catch in your throat, which steve smirks at. sometimes you think he does these things purposefully, that he likes seeing you blush.

you pull away, not wanting to think too deeply into things. “fine. you go first, though.”

“yes!” steve does a happy dance, fist bumps the air, and then seems to remember that youre still there. he regains his composure and clears his throat. “okay. my first kiss was interrupted by her dad walking in and seeing us, im scared of the dark, and i was obsessed with frogs when i was younger.”

youre surprised by steves choices. theyre all so wildly random and bizarre. you think for a moment, stumped. he definitely seems like the type to be caught by a father, and what little kid doesnt love frogs?

“you’re not scared of the dark?” you finally guess.

steve cheers. “no! i win! im totally afraid of the dark, im human.”

“okay, so…” you nudge him. “what was the lie?”

“oh yeah. i was actually obsessed with toads, not frogs.”

you hit his chest. “thats cheating!”

“nuh uh. theyre different species. i won, just admit it, y/n. im like, totally better then you.”

“fine, wanna play it that way?” an evil grin spreads across your face. “my turn. ive never been kissed, my dream boyfriend is spider-man, and i have a cat named mews.”

steve answers immediately, confident in his answer. “easy. you dont have a cat named mews.”

“nope!” you go back to arranging a display, secretly elated you won. you turn back to steve and wink. “my dream boyfriend is peter parker.”

“but theyre the same person—hold on,” steve seems to realize something. “does that mean no ones ever kissed you?”

“never.” you turn now and notice that your friend is seemingly frozen in place, still processing the information youve just told him. he seems genuinely surprised.

steve is speechless. “but… i just thought—you know… youre just so you and—”

“and whats that supposed to mean?” you make a face.

“nothing bad, obviously! i just mean. well, c’mon. you gotta know what i mean—” steve is stumbling over his words with a panicked look on his face and you feel bad. you know what he meant, but you like watching him squirm.

you start to laugh. “relax, steve. im just messing with you.”

though in a way, it does kind of hurt. no ones ever shown an interest in you, but at least steve seems surprised by it. if the king of hearts was surprised by your pathetic love life, then maybe there was hope for you yet.

he exhales and rests a hand over his chest. “fuck, you gotta stop doing that.”

you smile but dont say anything else. the display still needs to be set, so you let the conversation die down and focus on it once more. youre not necessarily insecure about not having a first kiss or even a boyfriend, but it’s not your favorite topic, either.

then, after a few minutes of silence, just as you think steve has moved on, he of course has to speak.

“what if i kissed my fingers and then pressed them against your mouth—”

“steve?”

“yeah?”

“shut up and stack some books.”

“yes ma’am.”

[if-mirrormine]

morning news, pt. 2

summary: alex's reaction to the mc's reappearance.

word count: 781

based on the ask (and request of many): please write the drabbles with kennedy and alex’s reactions to the news of mc returning there is interest!!!!! i am so interested!!!!!!

**unedited//giving this a quick read over, it's kinda bad but we move forward lmao**

walking through the hospital, alex easily weaves their way through the myriad of people that have found themselves there for some reason or other. they exchange smiles with nurses and occasional greetings with familiar patients, friendly nods with their fellow doctors just getting started on the next twelve hour shift but there's no stopping them on their way to the locker room.

finally they push through the door, pulling out their earphones as they approach their locker. it's generally quick work stripping out of their clothes and pulling on their scrubs but they prefer to take their time.

"there you are," a voice comes from behind them and they look over their shoulder as dr jesse robinson approaches them. they fight the smile that threatens to break on their face as they return their focus to tying the strings on their pants. "you missed a good breakfast this morning."

"trust me, i know," they reply, now grinning freely as they reach for their top. "i dream about your pancakes almost every night."

jesse bites his lip, leaning against the next locker with his hands in the pockets of his lab coat. "should've stayed then," he chuckles. "i could've driven you here too."

alex rolls their eyes playfully. "with the way you drive, jes? i don't think so." they're just about to pull on their coat when the other doctor suddenly straightens up, an unnaturally serious look on his face. "c'mon, i was just kidding; you're a great driver."

"it's not that," he says, waving their concerns off. "have you see the news today?"

"did you finally win the lottery?" they joke, fixing their badge before glancing at the man. "because if you did, i feel the need to remind you that i chose three of those numbers for you."

"lex, i..." his head drops slightly, green eyes focused on a spot somewhere on their neck, before clearing his throat. "it's about mc."

at that, alex stops. moving, blinking, breathing. they're pretty sure their heart stops for a moment too before going into overdrive, slamming against their ribcage as if it plans to break free. they assume the worst immediately; that the mc is only in the news again because they're officially dead. gone, once again torn from their life with a new finality that leaves a bitter taste on their on tongue.

seeing their reaction, jesse is quick to reassure them. "they're alive, lex," he says, squeezing their shoulder affectionately. "from the sounds of it, in perfect health too. i just wanted to make sure that you knew and that you were okay."

on any other day, alex would've fallen into jesse's welcoming arms, letting themself be open to all the comfort he could provide. but today, with his touch lighting a fire in them that they're not sure they like the burn of, they turn away from him and let his hand fall when they move.

"why wouldn't i be?" they ask, needlessly rearranging the contents of their locker as they avoid his eyes.

jesse sighs, not quite understanding the turn their conversation has taken despite having brought it up himself. "i know how much you loved them... im sure no one would mind if you took the day off to go see them."

they're quick to shake their head despite the longing squeeze their heart gives. they want more than anything in this world to see them; they spent many nights dreaming of the exact moment. but they can't bring themself to actually do it. call them scared, call them a coward; they wouldn't deny it. not even if they wanted to.

"they wouldn't want to see me," they tell him, sending off a silent prayer that each word is a lie in itself. "i was so far removed from everything in their life already; they don't need the added stress."

out the corner of their eye, they see jesse's eyebrows shoot upward, aghast at the notion that they're in any way a problem. "you don't know that," he insists. "i think it'll be good for you, for them."

"i'll be fine," they say, cutting him off as they shut their locker. they turn to face him with a somewhat forced smile and sling their stethoscope around their neck. "we should get to work. those lives won't save themselves!"

without waiting for a response, alex steps around jesse and walks out of the room, stretching their smile to its limits as they get a start on rounds. their mind however goes back to mc, as it usually does on the slower days, no matter how hard they try to focus.

and in a weird, twisted way; they're more than okay with it.

[downbadperture]

You said you're more likely to do obscure characters so I'm curious: can you write something short about a male reader and The Announcer(it's the guy who talks in the background saying stuff like "you've been in suspension for 9 9 9 9 9")? I'm just curious about what you could come up with.. I imagine it's him as a robot (more like body less) and like, maybe the reader just walks around aperture talking to random unanimated stuff and the unanimated stuff starts talking back. It could be platonic or romantic, whatever you want

DUDE THIS IS WHAT IM TALKING ABOOUUUTT. I LOVE THIS, i love this a lot like actually. This is what we as the fandom need in this day and age. I fully support this, and I will totally do this.

~Male!Reader x Announcer~

~No warnings apply~

You might have officially lost it.

After the events of 'The Incident', you were the only living soul wandering around in this godforsaken facility. Maybe it was the humidity when you were only a floor separated from the incinerator below and making your work shirt stick to your skin, maybe it was the silence that threatened to make your mind feel hollow if it weren't for the facility constantly reminding you of how it was digesting your very being with every little scrape of metal or gear grinding in the distance.

But maybe you finally lost it when you started talking to inanimate objects, anything to make that aching loneliness numb for a few minutes. It started with talking to the cubes when you would hide out behind the walls of a testing chamber, it didn't even have to be the pink ones with the little hearts that were put in place to boost test subject morale, sometimes it would just be the dull blue ones staring at you with pure indifference. For some reason you felt more comfortable around those ones.

Then it started turning into having lively conversations with a can of beans you were eating, then sitting on the floor by a chair and talking about your day with it, and you started talking with any object that you deemed friendly enough to talk to. Never really talking to the Turrets though, they gave you a sick feeling whenever you heard their voices.

But talking with objects helped you stay sane or as sane as you could be while in this hellhole.

You were wandering the corridors of the dorms the test subjects used to reside in when they had to stay in the facility for multiple days at a time, the company not wanting outside forces interfering with the testing. The halls reminded you of a hotel almost, the nicely carpeted floors and the lights lining up against the ceiling. They even had some fake plants lined up in some places too, usually near the broken elevators or a vending machines. You were about to get some soda for your parched throat, after not having drunken anything in days the thought of some carbonated orange soda sounded like an oasis in a desert.

As you walked up to the machine, the artificial plants caught your eye. The greenery gave you an aching yearning from a time before, but it also made you feel a warmth that was so rare in a place like this.

You stopped mid-way, your lab coat swaying behind you as you turned towards one of the artificial potted plants. There was a little smirk hidden behind your tangled and overgrown beard.

"Come here often?" You ask with no hesitation.

"..."

"Heh I hear that. it's one of the more nicer parts around here," You replied flippantly. "Not many areas you can get carpet and chairs besides the offices, but who wants to hang around at work all the time am I right?"

"..."

"Yeah..." You let out a small dry laugh, "Well, i'm gonna get some soda from the vending machine right over here. You want one? I'm guessing since you're all plastic and foam you have a different diet from real plants,"

"..."

"Whoa! Take it easy there," You lifted and waved your hands defensively, taking a step back. "Sorry, I mean OTHER TYPES of plants. Didn't mean to press a button there, just wanted to see if you wanted some soda" your smile stretched into more of a jester like grin.

"..."

"Yeah yeah, now the soda is definitely on me," You playfully rolled your eyes and stared at the glowing orange machine. Citranium was written in small white letters, the logo being the Aperture brand but in the shape and color of an orange. Shame really that there wasn't really much variety, but you can't bite the hand that feeds you unless it starts choking you in the process then definitely bite it. But there was no biting required in this specific circumstance.

You pressed a button to see if maybe someone accidentally left a few dollars in the machine and forgot to order, but suddenly a speaker on the ceiling was triggered and your spine shot out of your back from the piercing hiss of the old intercom.

"Aperture science proudly announces it's newest and sweetest product since the m-" it cut out, leaving a horrible garbled mess of static before clearing up, "- Citrianium! Now test subjects can experience the wonders of science with every sip. Citrianium sources it's oranges from the farms founded in the agronomy department within Aperture Science itself. So we guarantee that by supporting Citrianium, you are also supporting your local farmers and is sourced organically. Note: The measures of organic may vary with each can and may cause unprecedented side effects depending on the amount,"

The voice from the intercom was robotic, but not monotone. The best way you could describe it was that you could feel the toothy smile the man had while talking. It had a pep to it to put it simply.

You must have triggered some sort of advertisement for the soda. It was almost foreign hearing an actual voice after so long of just faint sounds and inevitable silence as responses. But as you stared at the speaker with your head craned up high, it felt like a friend talking to you.

"W-well, do you think you can do a guy a favor and get me a soda? I'm kinda on the broke side right now," You asked the speaker, digging your hands into your lab coat pockets. You can feel the lint and dust at the bottom starting to pile up.

There was a small silence, but then there was a response.

"Citrianium can now be found in grocery stores and gas stations near you! Science in a can now at the low low price of two dollars each in American currency," The Announcer semi-replied cheerfully.

"Well, I don't really have two bucks on me right now," you huffed, sighing as you started eyeing a cushioned chair near an elevator. A smirk creased your lips when the light bulb went off. You cracked your knuckles, meandering towards the unsuspecting chair.

"Sorry pal, but a guy needs his drink," you mumbled before picking up the chair by the wooden armrests, it surprisingly being so light you could hold it over your head. You stared at the vending machine with determination, starting to charge towards it and preparing to smash it with the chair until it finally gave you a damn soda. But before you could take the swing, a bright shiny can was dispensed immediately.

"All staff get a complimentary Citranium for the hard work they give here at Aperture Science!" The Announcer chirped, "We appreciate your commitment, complacency, discipline, and respect! Keep up the hard work and remember that science starts with you,"

You almost dropped the chair on your foot when you fumblingly placed it on the ground. You couldn't tell if this was just coincidences or if you were finally going crazy or something else. Your attention drew to the speaker hanging over the machine. You couldn't recall the announcements themselves ever being sentient, but then again this place loved giving things sentience even when if it would be more humane for it to just be a simple object or mechanism.

You hesitantly picked up the can, the tin shimmering from the ceiling lights. It was still chilled in your grip. Your gaze lifted up to the speaker hanging over the machine once more, your mind flooded with intrigue and curiosity.

"Thank you," You chirped.

There was a loud hiss like it was struggling to give a proper response, "Ap- welco- Aperture Science welcomes yo- Wel- Welcomes you," was all he said before cutting out.

"Ha Well... I'll see you around," you sighed, shrugging off as you popped the can up to reveal the citrus smelling fizzing liquid inside. Maybe it was science in a can considering how long this soda was able to last.

You started walking down the corridors, going to go find stairs to hopefully find your way to the cafeteria the test subjects would lounge in every once in a while. But in every corner there was an intercom of some kind put in place, including the rooms as well if you could actually get inside them (Not that you particularly wanted to, not really in the mood to see a possible dead body).

But then you got another idea.

"Hey uh... Announcer guy? You don't happen to know where all the food is stored right," You ask, your eyes once again fixed onto the intercoms.

"Aperture Science cares very deeply about their test subject's and staff’s health and well being, which is why we found the food octagon back in 1965," he immediately replied, "Breakfast, lunch and dinner that have all categories of the food octagon are held in the dining hall on the first floor of the building,"

“Hm,” you hummed, “Are you gonna be sticking around me for a while?”

“Aperture Science constantly surveils their staff to see if they’re keeping up with their company mandated work quota to make sure science is being done throughout the day and they are following company policy,” he responded

“I’ll take as a yes,” you smile, happy that you’re finally talking to someone that talks back somewhat.

[kichikichiko]

Accepting the loss of your animal companion

A/N: hey everyone! I originally wanted to make this as animal friendly ad possible (meaning u could put in animal you want while u read) but there are so many different types of pets ranging for furry creatures or those who shed skin so it was so hard my bad :((

The Tighnari part of this headcanon is for all but written specifically for @hitomisuzuya , Suzu I hope you know that youre not alone and you should never ever put the blame of loosing Frank on yourself. Was never your fault and never will be. ALSO IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE A HORSE SO PLS EVERYONE EXCUSE ME 😭

Anyways enjoy reading everyone!!

Tighnari, Kazuha and Thoma (seperate) x gen neutral! Reader, loss of a pet, comfort, fluff, headcanon, Cat for Kazuha, Dog for Thoma and horse for Tighnari, Tighnari was mostly targeted at Suzu, sort of proofread

♡♡♡♡

Tighnari ▪︎ verdant strider

Tighnari and you decided to visit mondstadt one day

Mainly because windblume was coming up and Collei wanted to see Amber again

The 3 of you had such a blast! It has been a while since the 2 of you have visited other nations so this was a well deserved break

Drank together, ate different dishes the city of freedom had to offer together, and made new friends

One day you met the calvary captain of the knights of favonuis while Tighnari was talking to Albedo

The conversation between the 2 of you shifted from work to animals to his title as the calvary captain

"Most of our horses have been taken in by Grandmaster Varka for his expedition however we still have around a few left here in the city just in case we need them" the captain started, "would you like to see them?"

You hesitated, a part of you didnt want to at all. You were afraid you'd break down and start remembering the past

But a part of you also wanted to, you longed to see another horse again

You longed to appreciate the way they strut, the way their mane flows when they jump, the way they look at you when you were getting ready for another competition together

Although their expression was overall the same, when you have a bond with a horse especially a strong one, their emotions as well as yours felt like they were connected

But youve avoided them like the plague

Regretfully, you said yes anyways

Your heart has won against your mind this time around

After a while the sun was about to go down and everyone was getting ready to call it a day

Tighnari and you left Collei with Amber so you both made your way to the inn youre staying at

The walk home was silent and you were staring down at your feet, and you seemed to be in a daze,

You gaze was empty, and there wasnt any hint of sparkle in your eyes

Tighnari noticed something was off so he asked

"Hey are you alright?"

"What? Oh. Uh yeah Im fine" you nodded half heartedly after his sudden question taking you off your train of thoughts

The fox stopped on his track and held your hand

"No something is off, you never look up when youre upset. Tell me whats wrong sunflower, Im here for you"

Your back was still facing him, but he could see your shoulders starting to shake, and you trying to muffle up sobs

You hated crying about this especially in public

You didnt want to remember

Never again

His ears perked up and swiftly he pulled you in for a hug

Before he got the chance to say something, you started

"Horses... I miss my horse Nari. I fucking miss him so much" you started, choking up sobs

"I miss him everyday and when I saw the horses before with Kaeya one of them looked like him and..."

You hid your face in his chest as your sobs started getting louder by the minute

"One of them looked exactly like him. I can't I regret that I wasnt able to save him Nari, Im such a bad companion. I could have done more, I could have SAVED him but I-"

"Hey! (Name)! Thats not true" he cutted you off before you finished your sentence, you were having an episode and it broke him to see you like this

Gently, he took your chin and made you face him

"He would never blame you for what happened. It was out of your control, he is your companion. He would have never placed the blame on you sunflower. It all happened too fast, please believe me when I say this, its not your fault"

You couldnt help but let more tears fall out

Yes you were still upset you lost your dearest companion

But you were also happy to hear those words come out of his mouth

You both stood in the middle of the road hugging for a while, waiting until you calmed down.

You knew it wasnt your fault that your beloved horse was gone, but Tighnari was right

He was always right

Your companion would never have blamed you for what happened to him

You wanted to be around horses again

But realise that the first step to finally be around them comfortably was to be able to accept and heal

And Tighnari will be with you every step of the way

KAZUHA ▪︎ Scarlet Leaves Pursue Wild Waves

You were with Kazuha relaxing together outside enjoying the fresh air

The sun was out bright in Liyue so you both decided to take a stroll before setting out to the sea again on the crux

At some point during your stroll a cat came to you and meowed

You stopped on your feet and looked down to see the cat starting to rub on you affectionatley

You of course bent down to give em some pets

Kazuha realised you werent on his side anymore and looked behind to see you gazing sotfly at the cat while playing with it

He cant help but think you looked cute

He walked towards you and bent down to the same level as you and watched you play with the cat

You broke the silence after a while

"I use to have a cat" still not breaking your gaze away from the cat

Kazuha looked up at you "oh really?"

"Mmhm, (gender) was beautiful, had lushious (colour) fur, ears so cute you could bite em off and eyes that when you stare at them for long enough, you could find yourself falling in love with (gender) again" subconsciously smiling when you said that

You missed your cat truly

They were your best friend

The ronin hesitated for a bit, not sure if he should ask the question that came up on his head

Without him asking you knew what was on his mind

"(Name) passed away not long ago. I was very sad. In fact, I would be lying if I said Ive healed completely" you chuckled, finally looking up at Kazuha smiling a bit

You didnt want to think about negative thoughts when talking about your beloved cat

Because you'd just have a breakdown

Besides, you knew (name) was at peace anyways now

Kazuha stared at you for a while before smiling "Im sure (name) is resting well now, and if (name) was still here Im sure (gender)'d would love all the different places youre seeing right now on your journey"

You laughed "oh almost, I dont think (gender)'d like Sumeru's desert, (name) would make it visibly clear how much (gender)'d hate it"

You both played with the stray cat for another 5 minutes while talking about your cat until the stray finally left

Kazuha would like to raise a kitten with you

So you both could make new memories together

And for him to see the bond grow between you and their future kitten

Thoma ▪︎ Protector from afar

Everytime you both went out together there was one time you'd miss playing with the stray dogs and cats out

Especially stray dogs

You have special attention to them

Whenever Thoma was knitting something for the stray cats you'd request he made one for the dogs as well

Whenever he was going out to feed the dogs and cats you'd always remind him to feed the dogs as well

You loved being around them and they seem to as well

He was in awe with how much bond and trust was between you and the dogs

Its almost as if you have one yourself

He had brought up wanting to raise a puppy with ypu, or adopt one of the stray dogs

But everytime he asked youd politely decline saying you werent interested

He was confused and shocked obviously

I mean you clearly loved the stray dogs so why didnt you want to adopt one?

He had to find out

You were getting ready for bed one night looking at the mirror while brushing your hair when he asked you laying on a futon (youre visiting him)

"Hey love, Ive been meaning to ask you something"

He only continued when you hummed, curious to what he wanted to ask

"Oh its just, I wanna know why you keep rejecting the offer of raising a puppy together or adopting one of the stray dogs. I mean you have such a tight bond with the dogs and you seem to favour them.. I must admit I was a little shocked when you rejected. Oh but Im not forcing you to say yes to my suggestion, if you dont wanna then thats fine its just-" he stopped talking when he saw you facing him

Your face was a little hesitant and your brows were furrowed a bit.

He could tell you were debating wheather or not you wanna tell him

"Oh but if you dont wanna tell me thats okay too love" kinda panicked a bit worried if he asked you a personal question 😭

You chuckled reassuring him it was alright

"No no Thoma its not that, its just.." you trailed off again trying to find the right words

"Im sorry for rejecting your suggestion for raising a puppy together, I think its a wonderful idea but im not ready."

He was about to say something before you continued "I had a dog once (gender) was a (breed of dog), and I named em (name)" you smiled at him, but one thing he noticed was that your smile didnt reach your eyes

"I lost (name) a few (weeks/months/years) ago. Ive been wanting to adopt another dog after (name)... but I just cant. I feel like Im replacing (gender)"

Thoma was mentally kicking and punching himself rn

How could he be so stupid

Of course this was obviously the reason why you rejected his suggestion

He wanted to apologise for asking but he knew you'd bash him and tell him not to apologise

Instead, he decided to get up from the futon and place a kiss on your forehead "could you... tell me more about (name)?"

You smiled and nodded

He always knew how to make you smile

Maybe one day when youre ready, you'll both raise a puppy together like a family

♡♡♡♡

[beartrap11]

Kenny x reader

Okay here we go with chapter two

Do I know what I’m gonna do for this chapter absolutely not. But you guys won’t know that because it’ll be done when you see it. 😝

But anyways hope you enjoy this chapter nuggets peace ✌🏾

Warning: probably some violence/ eventual smut/ fluff/ angst/ bad writing lol

The World Around Us

Strangers to Friends to Lovers to Memories

Chapter 2

We had some good news and bad news, the good news was you had made it to Macon and stopped near a liquor store.

There’s definitely gotta be some food in there.

The bad news was we were out of gas. So it didn’t look like we were going anywhere anytime soon.

Well this is as far as we’re going.

Then it’s far enough.

We all step out the car. I pick up Clem and hold her in my arms. Just to be safe.

Look!

We all turn to see what Ducks looking at, it looks like a guy, but something’s seems kinda off.

Hey there! You friendly ? Trucks run out of gas

Uh Kenny?

Before I could say anything else, the guy turns around showing his face.

He was 100 percent dead. And Kenny not only got that guys attention but the whole fucking herd of them we hadn’t seen until now.

FUCK!

WERE TRAPPED!

AHHHH!

We all turn to see who screamed. It was Duck and a walker was right on top of him, trying to bite him.

Before anyone of us could react, someone had shot the walker right through the skull killing it instantly.

Two new people appeared a women and a guy.

RUN!!

They were covering us. Now was our chance to run.

I held onto Clem as tightly as possible, Lee grabbed my hand. Kenny grabs his family and we all book it, heading straight for the liquor store. The new guy locking the store so no one could get in or out.

I sigh, squeezing Clem.

Are you okay sweetie?

I..I think so.

Once I catch my breath I look around. We got into the store safely, but with a whole new group of people as well.

We can’t taking risks like this!

And we can’t keep letting people die either.

When I say that door stays shut no matter what. I fucking mean it ! We don’t know who these people are they could be dangerous!

Worse they could’ve lead them right to us!

Where the hell is your humanity ! They would have died out there!

Then we let um!

We have kids with us.

Lee now speaks up.

I see one little girl.

I hold Clem closer to me. Not liking this guy one little bit. Clem pokes me.

Yes Clem.

I..I have to pee.

I put her down. And scan the room finding a restroom.

There’s a restroom there. Hurry up.

Clem nods and walks over. I turn back to the conversation

They’ve got kids lily.

Those things outside don’t care!

Maybe you should go join um then ! You’ll have something in common!

Kenny starts to get agitated

Goddamit Lily! You have to control these people!

Carly and glen just ran out there!

I don’t give a flying fuck, we’re in a war zone.

She’s not wrong, they took a risk. And we appreciate it. Now let’s settle down.

The big guy turns to Duck

Holy shit ! One of them is bitten!

Deciding I had enough of this guy I speak up

He wasn’t bitten.

Hell he wasn’t, we have to end this now!

Kenny walks up stands in front of Duck blocks the asshole from getting to him.

I’m very my dead body.

Will dig one hole.

No Im cleaning him up, there’s no bite, he’s fine!

Don’t you fucking people get it! We’ve already seen this happen, we let someone with a bite stay and we all end up bitten!

Shut up !

We’ve gotta throw him out, or smash his head in !

KENNY STOP HIM !

Lee, Peaches, what do we do about this guy!

Dad, it’s just a boy, it’s…

Lily I’ll handle this.

But your heart dad you, need to calm down. Well get these kids out of here.

A rush of anger goes hits me.

Kick his fucking ass, if he ever try’s to touch our kids.

That’s what I’m thinking!

Everyone chill the fuck out!!

Nobody is doing anything.

Shut up Lily!

He turns to the other girl.

And you shut the fuck up. They will find us and they will get in here and none of this will fucking matter. But right now where about to be trapped in here with one of those things!

What the hell are you talking about !

He’s bitten! That’s how you turn!

He’s not bitten. Lee stop this. It’s upsetting him.

Oh I’m upsetting him, what’s upsetting is getting eaten alive!

Dad we get it, it’s a big deal.

Do you? You’re not fucking acting like it!

Lee starts to get aggressive as well

Sit down! Or that’s it.

Ha, your gonna whoop me? You and what homo parade.

I step in again, also more aggressive.

This one !

HA that’s good.

Kenny glances at you, showing a hint of a smile.

The dude turns back to Kenny talking to Duck.

Little boy! Before you eat your mommy, you can watch your daddy, and his little friend get their noses broken.

This little shit

I’m gonna kill him Kat! Just worry about Duck.

Me and Kenny keep digging into this guy. I didn’t notice that Clem and Lee were talking across the store.

Lee.

Yeah.

There’s someone in there.

It’s just locked, keys behind the counter.

Probably.

I caught that tho. I don’t have time to think too much on it because the guy with the peanut brain is still yapping.

Hey! I’m not the bad guy here, I’m just looking out for my daughter!

No you’re just the guy arguing for killing a kid!

He’s covered in muck! She’ll find the bite. WATCH!

She won’t.

And if she does? The first thing he’ll do is sink his teeth into his mom’s face. Then he’ll probably pounce on your little girl. She’ll turn fast, and then?

Please, let me punch this guy please, I’m so ready.

You motherfucker!

I go to punch him but Lee stands in front of me. (Damn)

Then we’ll deal with it then! But right now you’re just feeling everyone out!

Then get ready to deal with it, because that boy is bitten.

Kenny still standing beside me speaks up again

It’s not gonna happen!

It is! AND WHERE TOSSING HIM OUT NOW!

Something in Lee snaps

STOP, you don’t touch that boy, you don’t touch anybody!

I step in, like we were tag teaming

We’ve got my little sister, we’re trying to protect in here too! You want to get violent you old fuck, well come on!

Lee steps back in

You better have a plan to kill us tho. BECAUSE ITS US BEFORE ANYONE ELSE IN HERE!

(Yay girl power.)

Before the old man could say anything else we hear Clem scream. I drop everything I turn to see what happened to my sister.

We turn to see a walker was in the restroom and trying to grab her. He and Lee react fast trying to get to her.

Lee was a bit faster then me tho, he grabs the walker and start wrestling with it. While I grab Clem and set her down next to Kenny.

I turn and see Lee needs help. Frantically I look around and see a bat on the floor, so quickly I grab it and run towards Lee and the walker.

Luckily he pushed the walker far enough away from him that I could swing the bat at the walker and not both of them.

I swing and hit the walker as hard as I can on the head. Probably a bit too hard. Its brains went all over that side of the store.

Man.

The woman looks at us

You okay?

Just great thanks.

Uh… guys?

We all freeze, us shouting from earlier was so loud it alerted the walkers outside, now they are trying to get in.

We all began to whisper

Everybody down. Stay quiet.

Clem scared clings to my back while I cling to Lee. He puts his arms around both of us.

There gonna get in.

Shut up.

All of a sudden we hear him shots outside.

Is that the military?

I don’t know?

Thank god for whatever it is.

The asshole speaks up

We almost died because of this bitch and her yelling! That’s was stupid! That’s was.. ahh ah.

He doubles over in pain

DAD!

He falls to the floor ( hehe karmas a bitch huh)

Was he the one bitten

I say with a hint of sass

No don’t be crazy! It’s his heart.

My pills.

He says very weakly, clutching his fucking pearls.

Uh-um Nitroglycerin pills?

Yes. We’re out. We’ve been trying to get into the pharmacy since we got here. Please try to get in there, behind the counter where the pills are.

She’s practically begging.

I sigh, I don’t like her father. But I’m not heartless. Me and Lee share a look making a silent agreement.

There’s probably another entrance. Maybe through the office?

How do you know that’s an office?

(Good question)

Uh educated guess.

It doesn’t matter, we need nitroglycerin pills. Please get in there. I’ll keep an eye on my dad.

Kenny finally speaks up again

Everyone else should get comfy and look for anything useful. We could be in here for a while.

I’m starting to think this drug store isn’t a permanent solution.

You’re right, this ain’t exactly Ft. Knox.

What do you suggest?

We need as much gas as possible so we can all get of downtown Macon. Fast.

Agreed.

Then I’ll head out and get gas. There’s a motel not too far from here, out towards the end of (Peachtree). I’ll work my way towards it and then loop, back siphoning what I can.

I hear Kenny chuckle softly, then look at me.

He thinks he’s so funny

This motherfucker, I cover Clems eyes real fast, just so I can flip him the bird.

He puts his arms up slightly as a surrender.

I shake my head smiling going back to the original conversation.

Alright well silence is consent. That’s the plan.

Damn Kenny distracted me, I didn’t even notice they were talking to me.

Well if you’re gonna go out there, here’s a walkie talkie if you get into a tight spot. Hopefully you won’t need it.

Hey that one was mine 🥲

Cool.

My sister has the other one. Check in with me and her and get back as soon as you can.

Kenny turns to wingus and dingus

And you. What’s your name.

It’s Lily, my dad’s Larry.

Keep a good eye on him. These guys will work on getting you your medicine.

Better than me Kenny. He turns to the other guy in the room.

And you, you keep an eye on that front door. You’re our look-out.

It’s Doug, you got it.

And I’m Carley.

Okay Carley, you’ll shift in with Doug or peachy when he needs it. For now, get some rest- peach you got a mean swing that could come in handy and Carley you’ve got a good shot and I’d like to keep it that way.

You got it boss.

Peachy?

I mutter under my breath.

Now get him those pills.

Well I’m glad that’s all over, I look down at Clem, I walk her over to a chair next to Carley. And sit her down. Popping a squat to her eye level so we could talk.

Do you need anything?

I’m okay, maybe I’m a little hungry?

I know Clem, I’ll see if I can find something for you.

I get up and start to look around the store anything to eat.

Near the counter I see Lee and Kenny talking, Kenny taking a quick glance at me then going back to Lee.

Huh what are those too idiots talking about. I wonder but I let it go once I found a energy bar on the floor

Well better then nothing I suppose.

I go back to clementine and give her the energy bar.

Thanks.

I nod and just decide to sit there next to her in the floor.

I don’t stay there very long tho, because Kenny comes up to me.

Hey, can I talk to you.

Sure, stay here Clem I’ll be right back

Okay.

I get up and walk with Kenny to a corner so no one could hear us.

So what’s up.

I wanted to thank you for standing up for my son. You and Lee really gave that old man hell.

No problem, plus ain’t no one hurting my little sister or duck, they’re just kids.

You don’t have to tell me, I was ready to tear the man’s head off myself. Anyways me and Kat appreciate y’all’s support. So thank you.

Don’t mention it.

But um, How’s duck doing?

He’s okay I think. We’re lucky as hell nobody got nabbed on the way in here.

Yeah, no kidding.

How is Clem doing?

Okay I hope.

Right, and how are you doing, you okay?

Well before we met Lee our parents left us messages that we missed so I listened to them. And um…

I try to hold myself together.

It’s okay you don’t have to say anything I get it. I’m sorry darlin.

I’m just not sure how to tell her.

You���ll figure it out, I’m sure you will. Plus she’s a tough girl.

Yeah she is.

But, that’s not really what I came over here to talk about. I wanted to talk about Hershel.

Oh.

We didn’t even try to save him that blood is on our hands. You know?

It all happened so fast.

I guess, but I can’t stop seeing him in my head.

Me too , but we can’t kill ourselves over it .

We killed that boy. We could’ve saved him together.

We did what we could and bad things happened. We didn’t kill Shawn. You think you did, when you think back on it. But in a moment? When things are really out of control. You don’t have a choice.

I guess.

I put my hand on his shoulder.

Just… try to let it go. And focus on the now.

I let go of his arm and go back to clementine to let him soak in what I said.

Kenny goes back to his wife and son.

(Kenny will remember what you said)

Authors note: and that’s the end of the second chapter yay, and so much more to go. I was gonna write a lot more in this chapter buuutt I’ll leave the intense stuff for the next chapter. Hope you guess liked this one. Next chapter will come out soon later taters. 😝✌🏾

[typhea]

✮﹒❄️﹐BNHA BOYS + LOVE STORY

﹐♡﹒featuring : kaminari, hanta ♡

 ﹐♡﹒infos : fluff, a lil bit of angst, toxic in sero’s part, sero being a cheater, denki’s part is rushed af, HORRIBLEEE SHIPS im sorry nejire is so pretty 😭

﹐♡﹒summary : how u fell in love, your relationship, how they confessed smth like that ♡

×﹒⚡️﹐⊢﹒𝐊𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐈 𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐊𝐈

──﹐fake dating

you finally became a pro-hero but it has his drawbacks. your fans and the medias followed you everywhere. and strangely, where you are is where red riot is. they didn’t last long to spread a false rumor saying you two were dating. you needed someone’s help, but every pro-heroes were taken. expect denki.

it was your lucky day, you were patrolling with denki. you were getting ready to ask him the impossible. the stress buildup in your stomach, but you dive in “uh kaminari, can i ask you something?” you muttered, “anything, i’m listening.” he answered, “you know.. about the rumor saying i’m dating eijirou, you know that it’s fake, right?” “um i didn’t know but whatever, what do you mean?” “i need, you take deep breath, i need you to be my boyfriend for a couple of weeks just to shut down that rumor” you look away in embarrassment, denki stopped walking to look straight at you in shock. “w-we just have to pretend! just for the medias, only if you’re okay with it—” “of course, i’m okay with! ahem, i mean, as long as i help you, i can do that.” he recalled, scratching his hair. you smiled at him, thanking him billion times. you didn’t missed the opportunity to tell eijirou that “it’s okay now! i’ve fixed it, the rumor will be shut down in no time!”

you and denki got closer to know more about each other, to feel more comfortable holding hands in front of the journalists. and denki was no longer faking it, the way he took your hand became more and more sincerely. the nicknames he used to call you, were more and more truly. now he’s used to take you home. once you arrive, you sigh in relief, “thank you, kaminari.” you said, “i think you can call me denki now” he suggested. you just smiled at him, but you didn’t notice how fast his heart was thumping and how red his cheeks was. “you’re really pretty, you know that?” he tells you, placing his hand on your cheek. you freeze in shock, and your cheeks starts to heat up. “let’s stop this, y/n.” “w-what? we can’t! they’re still—” “i want it to be real, i want to proudly say you’re mine without lying.” not a single word comes out your mouth, you wanted it to be real too. you wanted to be his, so bad. you get closer to his lips and kiss him in response. a sweet, passionate and warm kiss.

×﹒🧻﹐⊢﹒𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐎 𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐀

──﹐friends with benefits [toxic]

people always shipped you two but you kept saying that hanta was just a friend. even if you’ve already kissed him a lot of times, slept with him, even he has shared his clothes with you, you find a way to think it is all friendly. you couldn’t allow yourself, for your pride, to date a such a filthy cheater. so, if you two are just friends, then he can get a girlfriend, no?

“yeah, of course hanta can get a girlfriend! i don’t care lol” yes, you care. and it pissed you off more than anything, hanta knows that and plays with it. you don’t even know her name and you obviously don’t want to know. you’ve been more distant with him since he’s in a relationship and every conversations you two have turns out being about her. you don’t know how many people said “oh, where is sero?” “you’re not with sero today?” because every time you turn to look at him, he’s hugging his lovely girlfriend. and you hate how he grins at you when he sees your angry face. of course, at that party that mina hosted he was going with his girlfriend and you were going alone.

the party was going to end and you couldn’t help but stare at them during all the party. how he laughed, how he held her waist tightly, you were so jealous. he finally comes to you saying with that annoying grin “having fun, pretty?” he asked staring right into your eyes, “what are you trying to do, hanta?” then he started laughing, that laugh that turns your stomach upside down and make you flustered “what do you mean? you don’t like nejire?” you didn’t answer, just looking at him with that pissed off look. “well if you don’t like her, i’ll dump her” “what?” “i’ll dump her for you” he tells you, putting his hands on your hips. you frown, “what the hell, did you even loved her?” he laughs again, “nah, you’re the one i truly have eyes for.” you were so upset with him and so sad for nejire, you really were. so, why are you smiling? “you’re such a scumbag, hanta.” “and that’s why you love me, princesa.”

thanks for reading darlin! don’t forget to like and leave a comment :)

mha m.list | request here!

[confusedspaceotter]

Daily avatrice analysis (day 2)

day1 day2 day3 day4 day5 day6 day7 day8 day9

Hello and welcome to day 2!

I love to see you guys adding on to my analysis! please keep doing that, agree with me, fight with me, whatever you wanna say, let's talk about avatrice together :))))

So

Season 1 Ep 3 (yes im doing this in chronological order cause why not)

ah yes the first breakthrough of avatrice 

where we got some actual interaction between the two

(surprise is still not the canteen scene lol)

But here Bea said “and if she dies?” does indicate there is some level of empathy from Bea

Since she no longer view Ava as just the mission, then a actual person after seeing her 

here we can see that Bea took the more soft and suggestive approach(compared to lilith which is more demanding) to calm Ava down

Further suggesting there has been a change in Bea’s attitude towards Ava(as shown in the gif below)

which leads to the first time they interacted one on one(yesss is the canteen scene)

Bear in mind that this scene happened after she sparred with(pissed off)Lilith and mother superion

She is starting to pick up that the members of the OCS didn't exactly give her the warm welcome, making this interaction more heartwarming in a way

It just makes so much sense that Beatrice is the one who welcomed Ava into the OCS

If I have to guess why

must be because this is how Beatrice feel when she first arrive to the boarding school her parents shipped her to

an outcast, the odd one out of the bunch, someone who stands out

and she doesn't want Ava to experience what she hand been through 

so she decided to be the one who welcome her and try to help her fit in 

Which Ava gladly accepted(I mean who wouldn’t is Bea we are talking about here)

now back to the scene

(this is kinda out of topic but NO ONE sits with Bea??? How??? Where is camila??)

reasons why I think Ava does this assessment thing and why is it important:

a. from being quadriplegic she quite literally had to intact with people by observing them since she can’t initiate the interaction with physical contact 

b. confirming the avatrice endgame agenda (Bea was saving the sit for ava, and giving of friendly vibes because she wanna help/get to know ava more)

Father Simon did say that they planned Avatrice from this start so

c.she took inspiration from shows she watched and she recognize the trope(potential love interest trying to subtly interact with main protagonist) 

(you can't tell me this is not what happeded lol)

anyway

Starting of a conversation with a joking manner, classic Ava silva

which were met with Bea trying to ground her to reality/truth that is Ava needs to start seeing the bigger picture here

Bea your logical is showing 

Bea countering Ava’s attempts to underestimate the situation with logical explanations we love to see it

To be fair Ava is just trying to lighten the mood which is understandable but is not what Bea and rest of the OCS sees

OCS saw Ava as someone who was unfit to bear the Halo, which yeah I kinda have to agree with the OCS

but Ava’s weakness(? is also her strength

her out of the box mindset is literally what saved the world in s2

the OCS needed someone with a fresh pair of eyes

normally that would be Mary

but with Ava being the new kid in town, the collective dislike towards people/ideas that are solar opposites to the religious traditional cathlic values that OCS follows went to her instead

(okay i'm getting off topic again back to avatrice

This is where Ava realized that shit is real

People have died(Rip Shannon 

Now is not the time to take things lightly 

So being the kind hearted kid that she is

She asks Bea what’s Shannon like 

As a way to try to comfort Bea

Really love the way Ava is looking at Bea while she is reminiscing her first encounter with Shannon 

Moments like these reminds me how kid like Ava is

Yeah sure she’s an adult(19 years old is still young as hell btw, as a fellow 19 year old)

But because of what happened to her 

The child like behavior never fades into adult responsibilities

The way Ava looks at Bea like a kid listening to their parents telling them stories is just ughhhhh

(Plus Alba had no reason looking this good

Avatrice really said:

Anyway the conversation ends with Bea and Ava bonding over being the odd one and Bea encouraging her to give OCS a shot 

okay thats a lot of words what the hell

so i think i'm going to continue the first avatrice hug and that hallway scene tmr

stay tuned for ep 3 part 2 :)

day3

[femmmie]

im not sure what prompts you were after for Anthonys day but what about some hurt/comfort regarding Anthonys anxiety, it could involve the entire crew caring for Anthony as they watch and realise that he may not be protorising his mental health. maybe some kisses from ian idk man

Anthony took only three steps further until he stopped in his tracks. "Is that… Is that Breathless by Asking Alexandria?!"

The Extra Mile

Ever since Anthony was back at Smosh, something had happened to the rest of the cast and crew. They walked just a little friskier, their conversation was just a tad more lighthearted and their laughter just a bit louder. Out of everyone, the change was biggest in Ian, Anthony's co-founder and best friend, then ex-best friend and now best friend again.

Ian had been emerging as the company's new office-clown and mascot for a few months while nobody knew but him and Anthony that the latter would be coming back. The others were shocked and surprised - in a good way - to see Ian so radiant and bright. He didn't use to be this way.

The problem was, nobody (safe one) really knew how to read Anthony yet, not even his best friend. His ever enchanting cackling laughter, his eyes, half moon-shaped and his general coolness… he had these outlandish tattoos that seemed to streak all along his body like paintbrushes, his many rings and piercings, and his ripped jeans, they all gave him the allure of a mysterious rock star from a lost era.

And Anthony really put in an effort to get to know everyone, and them him. He put on a friendly face each day at the Smosh office and laughed at everyone's jokes, which was easy because everyone there was a comedian in their own right.

But he was struggling inside. The reason he wanted to come back wasn't all these people. It was just one. He and Ian had both just been standing there, wide-eyed, smiling at each other, after that day of writing together for the first time in years. It had gone SO well, they couldn't believe they were still such a perfect fit. Their comedy - just the two of them - was wat Anthony realized he craved more than anything in the world.

So, Anthony's efforts to vibe with the other cast were always half-hearted, however hard he tried to care, he just didn't. He just waited out the filming day to spend time again with Ian and come up with sketch ideas together.

There was one person at Smosh who started to notice this about Anthony. Their "got my psychology minor online" comedian, Shayne. It didn't matter to him that people joked about his diploma. He read pretty much everyone like a book. At first, he'd been so glad that Anthony bas back himself, that he hadn't noticed. But whenever he saw Anthony checking his phone more than he had to, he noticed Anthony trying - truly trying, but failing - to be interested in the stories Angela was telling him, Shayne's blonde brows furrowed and he had decided to bring this up privately to Ian.

"He's not happy." Those words crashed into Ian like a bus on a highway.

"This is terrible, I'm such a fool for throwing him into the deep so immediately," he lamented to Shayne.

"Hey, you decided on those things together." It was no use. Ian leaned heavily on his desk.

"I fucked up. Shayne, we need to fix this, fast!"

Ian got all cast and crew together and announced a secret project.

"This is so important, you guys," Ian said so earnestly that nobody dared to laugh. He handed everyone a list. It had all Anthony's likes, dislikes, beliefs, in-jokes and proudest Smosh-moments on it.

"Everyone must memorize these by tomorrow, that's an order!" Ian said. Everyone silently nodded in agreement.

The next day Anthony walked into the Smosh office a little apprehensively. He sighed.

"Come on, get hyped," he told himself. "Try to enjoy this. Ian got Smosh to survive because of this. Let's go!"

Not even one foot inside the building, Shayne says:

"Hi Anthony, wonderful to see you! Here you go, your favorite! Chai latte with a little extra spice!"

"Oh, thank you?" Anthony smiles as a crewmember approaches him.

"Anthony! Here's some vegan, gluten free bagels with vegan salmon and vegan cream cheese!"

"How did you know I love those?"

The crewmember just smiles.

Anthony takes only three steps further until he stops in his tracks. "Is that… Is that Breathless by Asking Alexandria?!"

"It sure is," Angela chimes in while doing a little dance and giggle.

Anthony only just gets to the door of the next room at the office and wants to grab the doorknob, Amanda says "I WOULDN'T DO THAT IF I WERE YOU!"

Anthony jumps and asks "why?"

Amanda lowers her head and raises one eyebrow while whispering: "you'll have to put ice on your precious hand if you touch it…"

Chanse and Tommy walk up to Anthony. Tommy is somehow covered in feathers, making a grandiose sigh. Chanse asks him: "Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?!"

"And by the way," Arasha appears out of nowhere, holding a bag that says "popcorn" on it, "this popcorn is for… ME! Hahahaha, you don't like popcorn! We have sliced cucumber and guac for you inside.

Amanda opens the door with an oven mitten and Anthony looks into the room. Everyone is there: all of the cast and crew, sitting on bean bags and couches and blankets. Ian stands up in a onesie with his face all over it, and says: "Anthony! Are you ready to watch a movie with us? There's more drinks and food when you're done with those, but remember to go easy on the pepsi!"

Anthony smiles widely. All these people took the time to really get to know him. They are not just 'other people', they are an extension of Ian, an extension of Smosh. Anthony just knows Ian put them all up to this. And he hugs Chanse who stands closest to him and says "Thank you, you guys…" His eyes tear up a little.

[lqfiles]

omg omg omg omg omg omg im here im here!

“baby” BRO IF HAECHAN DOESNT STFU OMG HIS ATTITUDE IS SO UGH (hot) KARINA BETTER THROW THE ROCKS AT HIMMM

also i wanna know what haechan asked jaemin bc wdym he just gave him y/n’s @? 😭 no wait but the at the same time, he probably thought he was probably playing matchmaker… idk jaemin cracks me up tho 😭

“but it’s quite cute” “you know where my room is” ugh im in love with them already but seeing how haechan is, ik the angst is gonna go crazyyy 😭 (if it involves all of us throwing rocks at haechan, karina calls dibs)

BUT YES I REMEMBER THAT about your friend and tbh sameeee rn (a little lore about me 😈) i have a situation with this friend who is great btw she’s very talkative, very friendly, well, extremely friendly, and lately she’s been having a thing with this guy and mind you, i used to live with her for a bit in her dorms (i commute which means i don’t live in uni) and she would drop me if her then bf came over, but we got closer after she and that bf broke up

but she’s been talking with this new guy, i have been encouraging when she is overthinking it, and lately… it’s all she’s been talking about 😭 i try to talk about my day and it gets dismissed when she tells me something about the guy and believe me, im happy for her, but we haven’t talked for two days now and when she does text me, it’s to let me know what the guy did

okay that’s it 😋

but it’s just like… i love our friendship but previous friendships before ended bc my friends would make their partners their entire personality and would drop their friends. like what is going on 😭😭 idk but thats enough lore 🫡

But i totally get not feeling excited…

i hope everything is okay tho! hope youre taking care of yourself and are staying well hydrated. thank you so much for the update! your brain just goes crazy and i love it 😋

- 🫧

(bella is getting a new harness with a little bow and she’s very excited! she’s also getting shoes bc it’s getting hot and i don’t want her paws to burn)

(also! She’s a maltipoo right? but we’re starting to notice she spots like a dalmatian and it’s kinda cool and so pretty 😭)

(and yes, we got compared to satoru and suguru out of nowhere 🥲 like damn… it makes me sad tho hearing that comparison 😭😭)

WELL YES jaemin is the biggest ynhyuck shipper of course he’s gonna give y/n’a @ to haechan (he had no idea of his motives), bless his clueless heart, he’s so silly 😭

i love how we all want karina to to fr throw rocks at him like we need this to happen one day, karina WILL call dibs when it comes to the angst and hurting haechan you already know she doesn’t play about y/n!!!! even jaemin might throw a small rock

OMG NO…. i’m so sorry to hear that 😭😭 i can tell that this is the beginning stages of her crush, so i advise (definitely not saying you SHOULD because i know confrontation is scary even if it is with friends 😭) that you genuinely have a talk with her about how all she does is talk about that guy and how you feel like conversations w her are starting to become pointless because they revolve around stuff you’re not interested in. its an extremely shitty situation to be put in and i’ll honestly never understand why people can’t seperate their friends and relationship and not bring one into the other.

i think your friend might understand if you bring it up tho, since you said she’s very friendly, if you say that you’re saying this from a malicious stance but rather in a way where you’re trying to improve your friendship, im sure she’ll understand. and if she doesn’t, then it really isn’t a friendship you should waste your time on because it shows where her priorities are (men over friends)

anyways yeah i’ve been well i actually saw her for the first time today since she reached out to me again and it was surprisingly.. really nice.

I FIND PEOPLE WJO PUT THEIR PETS IN CLOTHES AND ALL SO CUTE LIKE YESSS PUT HER IN CUTE LITTLE SHOES PLSSS, i bet she looks rlly cute w her spots, but wouldn’t that maybe mean that she might be a hybrid? either way i hope she is gonna be happy with her new shoes and harness, a little early (?) birthday present!!

[stevie-petey]

hi i’m back!! first of all let me just say how mind blowing your writing is????? EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU M FOR THE AMAZING CHAPTER!!!

im so glad dear billy is ur fav ep from season four too because it’s mine too and oh my god. you did so well in making everything fit so perfectly together bc yk bug not being in st is still such a sad truth for me (and it’s shocking how you aren’t in the writers room for st s5 rn)

but anyways THERES ALOTTT TO UNPACK IN THIS CHAPTER !!

steve and bug first bc holy shiti swear i could feel my heart dropping multiple times while reading about them 

bug asking steve to choose max over her?? and steve pleading with her not to make him choose max over her and saying

“I’m choosing you, Y/N.” and adding 

“I’ll always choose you.” YK WHAT HERES THE FULL SCENE BC IT BROKE ME IN HALF.

[“I’m choosing you, Y/N.” Steve whispers, lips pressed softly against your hair. Your body stiffens, he feels it, but he holds you tighter instead. “I’ll always choose you.”

“Steve…” 

“Please don’t make me say no to you.” He pulls away, grabs your face and makes you look at him. You’re pale, tears wet your lovely face, and all Steve wants to do is fall asleep with you forever. He strokes the crest of your eyebrow, kisses your forehead. “Please don’t make me lose you.”]

PLEASE DONT MAKE ME LOSE YOU?????!?!?!?!?!!? just stab me with bugs pocketknife please.

and before that scene i remember the conversation between them about how steve recalled feeling gutted after seeing nancy and jonathan thinking his night couldn’t get any worse UNTIL HE SAW THE LOOK OF HEARTBREAK ON BUGS FACE and how it made him feel worse knowing he couldn’t have done anything to prevent her from feeling that hurt

[“But that night, it just-it really fucking hurt, you know? Thought I’d never feel anything shittier, that my night couldn’t get any worse. But then… I saw your face.”

“The heartbreak on your face, that fact that I couldn’t do anything to protect you from it. That’s what hurt me the most.”]

..AND THE MOST IMPORTANT LINE OF ALL (TO ME) [“And it’s why I won’t let anything else happen to you.”] and i know steve will try his best to protect her if it meant ensuring bugs safety in the end.

sooooooo who’s gonna tell them that they’ve been eachother’s protectors since day one without even knowing it!

these two are so special to me and it’s just so heartbreaking to see them this way, steve feeling so much fear, and anger :(

i understand his frustration with bug bc everyone can clearly see how she’s putting her own issues aside (despite her literally being cursed with the same thing as my baby max) just to save max and that’s not good bc it’s the BOTH of them that needs saving and bug being stubborn about it isn’t helping steve’s current state :( also i saw ur reply and YOU USING a beatles song is so evil and i love it so so much!!!!!

i’m not ready for bugs visions cause ik shes been carrying sm guilt…with the recent deaths of hopper and billy AND OMG THE NIGHTMARES???? dustin hearing her yell out billy’s name in the middle of the night ☹️ dustin’s being a champ rn LIKE i know he’s not showing it for the sake of his and bugs sanity but i know he’s going crazy in his head bc ITS HIS BIG SISTER?? AND HIS BEST FRIEND?? my poor baby is scared pf losing his bestest friend in the world :( i just need my Henderson siblings happy please </3

and lucas oh lucas!!!! my poor guy he’s literally never been so scared and worried in his entire life until now. THE POSSIBILITY OF LOSING BOTH THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE AND HIS BIG SISTER IS SO ☹️i need to hug him.

steve and nance r gonna be so best friends (alongside with the loml robin) and i love how they’re becoming more friendly with each other now like the playful banter im ready! (i know they were civil and were already somewhat friends but still) i didn’t particularly enjoy the love-triangle thing in s4 so i’m interested to see how you’ll be dealing with all of it 😭

btw i’m purposely ignoring jon rn. WE DONT SPEAK ABOUT HIM. (he’ll fall to his knees the minute he gets to hawkins and finds out about the curse that vecna gave bug)

ALSO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG BUT I KNOW YOU DONT LIKE TO CHANGE THE CANON TOO MUCH so idk what your plan is with max and bug…but oh my god the survivors guilt bug will carry…im not even ready. max and bug to me is like a literal reflection of each other and their relationship in this story is definitely my favorite thing ever. i don’t even wanna talk about that one scene where bug was yelling at vecna to take her instead. i don’t. i just mentioned it bc i feel so devastated and unready for what’s about to come.

i read smth about how u said there aren’t anymore disagreements between bug and steve!!! and how the rest will just be sad ones AND CUTE ONES (im holding u to that ml) 

does this mean they’ll talk 🤞🤞 i need them to have a proper conversation so i’m crossing my fingers and wishing that we’ll have that conversation alongside with the later conversation between steve and nance (and i believe that it was definitely done for good reasons!)

i listened to in my life while writing this btw and i feel so brave!! 

okay i’m done !! i’m sorry this was long but i appreciate your works and i’m in awe of you !! pls never stop being great!! i hope you’re doing well <333 sending u sm love today lovely <3 e

-🌟🍓

dear billy supremacy !!!

and the entire steve and bug i choose you scene ,,, oh boy theres so many layers to that one specific conversation that i simply cannot wait to dive into later. for now, the entire notion of their relationship is that they chose to love one another !!! bug chose to wait, steve chose to trust her, and they chose to fall in love <333 i firmly believe that true love is choosing to love your partner, not just the chemical reaction in our brains, but the act of staying and trusting to be loved in return - THATS true love.

and steve revealing hes always wanted to help/protect bug <333 i love the porch scene. i love tying things together and also just seeing their growth throughout the seasons. in season 1 the porch scene was heavy with insecurity. bug was weak, back then. she didnt want steve to see how hurt she was (but failed). now we fast forward years later for season 4 and shes actively leaning on steve !!! seeking his comfort !! yet shes also standing her ground, doing what she believes is right (even if shes wrong). and STEVE !! he failed her in season 1, he refuses to fail her again in 4 :((

now bugs whole "hey gang lets focus on max not me haha" will cause a few rifts within the group - everyone knows its unneeded, they all hate shes doing this, but they also know that they cant change bugs mind. its very bittersweet and :///

max and bug ,,, u Get It. they ARE reflections of one another. max is fifteen, same age bug was in season 1. its very very very reminiscent of how bug was back then, stubborn and slightly cold but still so full of love and concern for her friends. max is where bug was, confused and scared and unused to asking (or accepting) help. bug sees this and she also is struggling with this. theyve always had a close relationship, but billys death changed everything and brought them closer together. bug feels a kinship to max, she feels responsible for her, and max knows this and almost resents her for it. its messy and very sad and hard and me not changing canon too much will make things even MORE heartbreaking and sad :(

but on a happier note: YES STEVE AND BUG DO ACTUALLY TALK !!! they have a whole lovely conversation later (in the very last ep lmao) that resolves a Lot i promise guys theyre end game i just like drama and growth.

in my life <333

[bicon-crange]

can the nosey ones know abt ur crush? :3c dw if not. my condolences (positive)

yeah sure why not i cant stop fucking talking about it anyways.

iiii dont know if its necessarily a crush though!! definitely an obsession. definitely some kind of. fixation. thanks for your condolences i definitely fucking need them. TT-TT )

its like. uh. this person i know whos sooo articulate and smart and. theyre really sweet. yknow BASIC SHIT. theyre great everyone likes them.

anyways when we first started talking it was like. some kinda. there was clashing. i guess is how you could put it? but every time we finished talking i felt soo like. electrified. like buzzing. like my whole body was just shaking. adrenaline? maybe?

i really thought at first that it was just a friendly interest. some sort of.. y'know intellectual thing! you meet someone whos so much smarter than you and whos ideas are so well put together and who thinks YOU'RE interesting and of course you want to know more of how their brain works of course youre. captivated a bit yknow? thats like. normal. to feel. i think.

oh the first couple times we talked i went so nuts! i reread over our convos like a thousand times and reiterated our talks several times to EVERYONE in my house. its so actually embarrassing. but they were good convos you HAAAVE to understand. it was like. ducking weaving. it was like. some sort of mental exercise . and i thought it was like. normal. but it just kept. HAPPENING. AND HAPPENING. AND HAPPENING.

and i tell you what this was a lot easier a month or so ago when i was like I JUST REALLY LIKE TALKING TO THIS PERSON!! ^_^ (<- STILL A DEFINITE POSSIBILITY) cause ugh. lately its like. ever since the thought popped in my head that this interest MIIIGHT be romantic in nature its. ALLLL DAY thinking about them its so nuts! its so constant!! its literally like a fucking DISEASE... i feel like. angry over it? spiteful? almost? it reminds me of when i had a crush on a guy in elementary school and I didnt know how to handle it so i beat the hell out of him with a lunch box.

like im over here forgetting shit left and right and messing up basic conversation skills and having heart palpitations and theyre like. fine probably. iiii honestly dont think they even think about me lol. i mean definitely not as much as i am,easy, because im totally insane and obsessive i know this.

we also dont talk so much! its not very often! so yeah im sure they dont think about me as much. im even definitely sure if i ever verbalized this it wouldnt work out. ive visualized them turning me down like 20 different ways for 20 different reasons just today. lots of reasons yknow! im mentally unwell and totally nuts, im immature and also very ugly im unable to carry out a meaningful relationship because of my chronic pain problems and various health issues, all of that is fine but my obsessive nature is really freaky,LD relationships are a no-go, they just dont like me that way, ect ect ect.

its sooo stupid. its SO middle school. they type a response to me and i can barely look at the screen. i feel SO fucking stupid its insane. im like. going to claw my eyes out of my head and chew on them till they burst. i hate it here. and its never going to be reciprocated whatsoever so im literally not even going to try.

BESIDES Y'KNOW!! I DONT EVEN KNOW FOR SURE IF THATS WHAT IM FEELING!! its been wracking my brain for a week straight!! its like. am i just fascinated on an intellectual level, am i just interested in an anthropological sense, are these just really good conversations, if this just normal friendship and im making things super weird? am i just excited that someone seems to get what im saying about what im interested in? yknow. dumb.

either way TLDR; im waiting for it to pass. either I'll sort my own feelings out or itll pass! if its infatuation, GOOD, that has a expiration date of 1-2 years so i will just box it up and not think about it and not do anything about it. ^_^ )9 and it WILL die. BUT if you know how to force that process to go along faster let me KNOW.