#and like i walked away for a bit cuz im friends w some of the non-teaching staff and they asked how i was doing

[jazjelspen]

scarlet and silver lining (part 2)

alastor w/ daughter reader

(notes: apologies for any inconsistencies!! not proofread!! apologies for slight ooc vox since im unsure of how he first acted when he recently died and how he got into power qwq. apologies for anyone ooc in general cuz my brain is stew. slight graphic depictions of violence. this is definetly not by best work but I'll make sure to try harder next time!)

(tags: @falsemain @aconfusedwonderland @stasiaclash )

Today was a certainly an... eventful morning?

Certainly unusual though, considering on what you have stumbled upon on this certain morning.

You had barley been here on your first day and this is what you were to see? All you wanted was food-- even cereal would suffice.

But god-- really Angel??..

Having walked down the steps from your room, gotten ready for the day you walked down with a grace you've held even during your days living and breathing. With careful and cautious steps you managed to not come across him and have your morning ruined too early.

You had accidentally stumbled upon everyone at the main seating room, you being here due to not remembering where the kitchen or dining area was very well.

Unfortunately, Angel was proudly presenting one of his porn films to the group. Few disgusted.. embarrassed.. or even weirdly-- enjoying it.. geez Nifty's certainly weirder than you expected her to be.

You scrunched your nose up slightly as you started to feel a bit grossed out yourself, simply because others seemed uncomfortable and you weren't exactly fond of seeing these kinda of thing often.. but it was hell so you couldn't exactly complain.

You walked up to the group while trying to mute the moans and squeals from Angel Dust on the television in your head, propping your arms up on the large gold headboard of the sofa Angel was laying on and when you finally spoke you managed to even catch Angel and the others jumping slightly from the unexpected surprise as they spoke amongst themselves.

"Geez Angie.. Really gotta be showin' everyone what you do?"

"--And you!"

Now you were surprised, your eyes darting towards the winged cat that, turns out, was speaking before you got there and was even pointing at you.

There was a pause. Your eyes and his meeting as he was pointing at you.. he narrowed his own set before becoming seemingly speechless.

"Actually I don't even know you yet, but considering how you act on that disgusting show and simply being here you probably got some kind of issue similar to your friend here." His eyed flickered to Angel as he spoke towards you. You being incredibly confused on what the fuck this guy was even saying by mentioning you but Angel decided to spit out his words before you.

"Oh yea? And what's my issue pussy cat?"

The cat, name being Husk from what you could remember the day before, scoffed at your friend. "Don't get me started. I see right through you and all of this bullshit and how fake you are."

Angel in response, seemed to laugh nervously.. almost in a way to cover something up. "Me? Fake? Wow.. I had no idea.." The spider's voice holding certain sarcasm continued, you just simply waiting to be able to ask your own question next. "Guess that's why I'm an actor, dumbass.. AND--" and just like that he was interrupted by a ring of his cellphone, having to quickly hold his finger up and mutter to Husk a 'hold that thought' before moving away to answer his oncoming call.

Meanwhile.. you finally managed to ask your question to Husk. "When you mean me having an issue similar to my friend's.. do you mean I seem fake? Wait-- why was I even mentioned anyway?.. I just got here!.."

"Depends. I haven't talked to you enough, but if you and him get along then I'm sure you must have some kind of fake act you hide behind as well.. you definitely can't be as cheery in person as you are on that show.

Oh and I was just revealing everyone's darn issues.. being a hell of a bartender works out for these kinds of things.." standing there almost mumbling his last few words just made you bite your cheek a bit as your face flushed in slight embarrassment. He's not exactly.. not totally wrong..

In the end Angel confessed that he needed to do an emergency shoot for his boss, whom you hated with all your guts as well with how badly that piece of shit treated Angel. You never did get abuse as bad as Angel's but still.. it all definitely gets to you on how both your bosses treated you and those around.

You frowned slightly while looking down at the sofa he previously sat on, dreading when you'll have to get back on TV as well.. although you were a bit unsure of how you'll get Vox's message if you didn't bring your cellphone.

Ah well.. not for you to worry about anyway-- if he really wanted to contact you then you're more than certain he'll find a way to reach you whether you liked it or not.

You snapped out of your thoughts once you heard Angel huff and puff out the door while exchanging a few hurried words to Charlie before slamming it in front of her face.. slight disrespect much? You felt a bit bad for the princess, seemed like quite the pushover.

You truly hoped she wouldn't rule the entirety of hell in this exact way, for if she did she'd get eaten alive for sure.

But while she was groaning and becoming frustrated as her girlfriend was helping her out you were still very much hungry. "Sooo.." you mumbled "Where's the food area? I didn't exactly wake up too early to eat with all of you.. if you did all eat together." You smiled nervously at what's left of the group, body facing Husk who was the closest.

He even responded to you! How kind-- although he was still quite grumpy.

He pointed a finger from his left hand holding the bottle behind himself at the nearest entry way behind and beside the staircase you walked down from. "Over there, turn left, head straight, see two large fancy doors? Open it. walk through it, ignore the empty tables unless you want to eat alone which would be fucking sad and head towards the door with the circular window at the top. That's the kitchen and eat whatever you want, don't complain if anything's spoiled since you chose to be here of all places."

You couldn't help but want to roll your eyes slightly, but with a minor huff of your own you walked passed him and tried your best to remember his shitty directions. "Thanks.. Husk.."

Once you started walking his directions were shitty indeed, simple but being a bit more descriptive definitely would've helped.

Walking through the hall you'd eventually go through your steps echoed against the walls, bouncing back and forth like the ripple of a rain drop on a puddle. Thankfully it was very clean, Nifty certainly seemed to have done her job right with how spotless this part of the hotel was! As weird as she is.. she does her job well.

Finally reaching said 'fancy' doors you opened it to see an entire dining room. Clean as well with newly furnished tables and chairs with unique tablecloths with intricate designs only reminiscent of the royal family. Even each of the tables had a vase and flowers set up and two small pepper and salt shakers, although you ere certain those flowers were fake considering the lack of realism to them.

Nonetheless, fairly charming.

You walked past them all to head towards a large door with the circular window that was described by Husk, peaking through it from a distance it was certainly to the kitchen.

But..

Gosh.. what was that smell?..

It was a humble, nostalgic, delicious smell.

God-- what the fuck was it??..

As if the smell was leading your nose faster towards the door, pushing your body against it since it was those doors that simply would swing itself open or closed with a push.

"Ooo.. is that--" you walked in with a big smile, your nostrils filling itself with that childhood scent.

"It certainly is, ma puce."

You should've known.

The voice that disturbed your entire morning and mood turned around from the stove to reveal itself as none other than-- Alastor.

"Why.. it's certainly an absolute gas to see you up and awake! I even made you your favorite--" the radio demon exclaimed whilst picking up the pan he was using to plop whatever food he made onto the plate, with a swift motion he set down the pan to grab the plate and reveal your hot and fresh breakfast to you.

"--Jambalaya!" he cheered, a subtle audio track of an audience cheering could be heard from his staff that seemed to work as both a microphone and a speaker.

"Uh huh.." you frowned deeply while crossing your arms and raising your shoulder while taking a step back from him. "Actually I ate before I came he--" and even as you tried to escape him by turning back he managed to teleport right in front of you!

"Tsk tsk.. my dear you know you can't lie to me. Take a seat, enjoy your meal! You can't be telling me you aren't dying to try your favorite dish?" He put his hand on your back and the other holding the food as he pushed you through the door, then suddenly pulled you by your wrist, and sat you down on the nearest empty table. "Besides.."

"It's your Nana's recipe..."

Oh.

Your Nana.

Your eyes softened at the mention of her but immediately glared at him with a sharp gaze which seemed to not even affect him in the slightest.

'This fucker..' he knew how to get to you, he knew your weakness.

"Don't you dare fucking mention her. You have no right to have her name roll down your disgusting tongue and through your rotten teeth."

"Oh, is that any way to treat your father little fawn? My.. you're not even little anymore! My mistake.."

His large smirk widened as he set down the plate and a pair of silverware in front of you.. it only made you want to strangle that thin neck of his.

You hated him.

He was the reason why you were down here.. although indirectly. You were blind, you were so caught up in his act even after he died--

it costed you your life.

"I'll only eat it because of Nana, other than that I would really appreciate if you could fuck off Alastor." Even as you told him to screw off he stayed ever so present! Even setting down a cup of hot coffee(or tea, whichever you prefer) in front of you that also smelled utterly delicious. "Besides you only started properly raising me instead of playing babysitter when you realized no one else would, I'm more surprised you didn't throw me back into the orphanage."

"Oh darling I'm certainly a monster but I'm not a downright devil!" Alastor you know damn well.. "Your grandmother loved you too much.. I couldn't just let you go so easily!"

"Yea yea whate-" you picked up your mug to take a sip of whatever was in it which to your surprise.. it was an old favorite drink of yours. One that you would drink every morning with Alastor during your teenage years..

"Hm.. not bad.." You mumbled as you took another sip of it, yet again another sense of home washing you over once more.

"I still yet remember your favorite morning beverage mon chere. What kind of father would I be if I wouldn't?"

"Uh yea-- when I was a teenager. A few years behind dontcha' think?" You scoffed at him while trying to seem as if his efforts were meaningless but the simple action of continuously sipping the liquid totally didn't just.. contradict that.

"Which is why I'd like to catch up a bit more hm? You begged me to leave you alone and I let you be your own independent self when I first found out you were associated with that.. thing." He pulled out the chair across from you to take a seat himself. Right after he set his staff resting against the side of the table and relaxed his elbows on the surface, his chin laid on the back of his hands while looking right at you.. inspecting you.

"If my memory serves correct I'd say around.. seventy-one years? Hm? Since I've seen you? I'm sure you've made some absolutely splendid decisions all those years."

You loudly sighed as you set the halfway empty mug down and replacing the item with the silverware beside your plate.

" Look my decisions aren't for you to judge. You're no saint and I'm not obliged to listen to whatever terrible advice you have. I'm ten years older than when you have last seen me alive and not even including the ninety-four years I've been down here in total." Intertwining your fingers with the silverware you picked up some food from your plate and bring it up towards your plate. The smell seemingly holy to you and once you plopped it in your mouth..

You could've sworn heaven took a delicious shit in your mouth. This was so fucking good...

The spices, the vegetables, the rice.. it was all just cooked to perfection.

You could definitely feel goosebumps crawl around your body and your mouth exploding in flavor.

Oh how you loved the taste of New Orleans.

"Just the way you like it dear?"

You snapped out of your thoughts as your eyes popped open towards the smirking overlord, seemingly proud of your reaction and it made you release a loud scoff from your throat.

"Just-- screw off. I don't want to associate myself with a murderer and a sadist." You set your silverware on your plate as you held your food on one hand and your mug in the other as you stood up from your seat.

"I sure do hope you know that your employer, that imbecile with one of those wretched picture boxes for a head, isn't any better darling." Alastor stayed in place but his eyes were the only thing that followed you while you took a few steps away from him with your back facing him.

Although his comment made you freeze on the spot you didn't dare turn around and face him for he wasn't even worth the action.

"Sure, he's not any better than you. But at least he didn't lie to me all my life and made me believe he was the most amazing person in the world, he didn't make me believe that he was a saint.. that he was actually a good person.."

You paused.

"So, yeah.. he may not be any better but he at the very least he isn't anything like you."

Just like that you resumed walking out the dining room, hands occupied and heart full.

You only amused your father albeit feeling a slight uncomfortable twinge in his chest that made him only want to reconnect with you more.

You just reminded him too much of your grandmother, noticing a few small actions and habits you did that you acquired through growing up with her.

You were all he had left of her, and you were all he had left of that little girl he had to leave behind.

Through selfish means it happened but..

He wished to try, just once more.

___________________________________________

You let out a shaky sigh of fear.

It was your 12th year in Hell and you have been scraping by simply scavenging for scraps, fighting foes with any weapons you could find or trade for and trying to stay alive. You were basically living in squalor but in the nicest parts of town, and was surprisingly somewhat respected due to being affiliated with a few loan sharks that you helped in return for money of resources.. even working 'normal' jobs to at least rent out a small home.

It was now the day of the 'Extermination' Where exorcist angels from above would kill any demons they could find in order to keep the population at bay. You've managed to survive each year due to your connections but all your 'protectors' have been murdered by said exorcists or have fallen from their once high power.

Cruel for heaven but-- then again you couldn't blame them. Not with how power and money hungry these sinners could be.. maybe it was best for them to keep sinners on the low.

But god did you wish you could be pardoned from this the way the hellborn were.

You didn't mean to die the way you did.

You tried to do it for a good cause.

You truly trusted in your beliefs.

You really didn't think you'd get that angry.

You didn't mean to kill that man.

You regret everything.

Especially on the day you heard Alastor's broadcasts all over hell.. you were shocked that he was even in hell but he was even torturing and toppling overlords for his own amusement??

It feels as if the version of Alastor that you grew up with, your dad..

It felt like he died all over again.

Even yet you're still mourning over it.. not for Alastor-- but for your father.

You really should've trusted those detectives and cops huh? Should've trusted the newspapers, even the 'news' on the new picture boxes they invented spoke about his case like daily gossip.

You should've trusted them all.

Evidence was right there but since you grew up with him and saw no signs on your part you could've sworn you felt it in your gut that he was innocent! That maybe that deer hunter that shot him was framing him!

That had to be the case--

Preaching about good behavior, following laws yet rebelling when they are discriminatory or unfair, that life was beautiful and precious...

Pfft. Precious my ass.

He lead you to your death and he didn't even take any part in it.

But to you, your blood was on his hands.

Which is why you knew you weren't going to regret this next part but..--

inevitably.. you did.

You were currently on the floor of an overlord's abode.

You have been seeking refuge from the exterminations happening just outside and this place was the nearest one before an exorcist angel could cut you in half.

How you managed to get in? You were quite unsure at the moment.. it went so quick, did it in a panic, and you're losing blood from a slash on the leg?? Yea getting in here was all your body was begging you to do.

But you let out a shriek when you were once again having a weapon pointed at you.

Well-- two.

Two bodyguard-looking guys confronted you as you looked up at them in fear, a third more sophisticated figure approaching.

Vox, the television demon, his head a bit funny to you considering how small his screen was yet he terrified you as well due to his status.

"How did-- oh I'm going to fucking kill Betty for leaving everything except the back door closed." He eyed you, a look of disgust evident on said small screen. "Oh just kill he--"

"WAIT!!--"

They positioned their weapons to your forehead this time, Vox about to turn around until you mentioned he- who-must--not-be-named.

"I...I knew Alastor!!--"

A shriek of a television signal could be heard, a new kind of static radiating from the overlord.

He faced you-- in a scary yet almost funny kind of way..

"What did you just say?"

"I.." you gulped.. you can't tell him he's your dad! you're smarter than that even in dire situations like these.. it's only more trouble for you.

"I knew him.. I was his.. assistant! yes and I wrote his scripts and he uh--" you felt yourself cower slightly seeing Vox come closer and put a hand up which caused his bodyguards to put their weapons down. He didn't need them, but they caused that fear he needed.

"He got me.. killed.." you trailed off and flinching when he bent down to you.

Vox smirked "Killed huh? You were one of his pathetic victims?"

You nodded vigorously, hoping this will get you to live another day. "He.. He used me as a shield when some coppers tried to shoot him.. got me instead.."

"Does that make you hate him?"

"Yes sir.."

"Hate him so much you could strange him, open his stomach, twist his intestines and feed them to them old rats in the hotels and skid ro--"

"Yes! yes sir.."

Okay maybe this overlord went a bit too far with his hate but.. whatever to not get fucking impaled by an angel.

Vox's smirk widened as he then dragged you up by your arm in a way that was far from gentle. "You sure have a pretty face as well, sight for sore eyes." He inspected you as you only stood there in fear on one leg with your other still bleeding out "Water, some rest and your voice just may be as smooth as honey." He harshly grabbed your chin to look over your appearance even more, your hair, any facial marks you may have. "You say you wrote scripts too? If you're any good you may be able to make some interesting headlines if so."

"Hm.." he hummed in thought " I like you. Prove to be useful to me and I'll let you live.. and just maybe.. I'll protect you from the exterminations and let you live comfortably working for me. As comfortable as it can get.. "

Protection from an overlord.. job from an overlord--

Not the best choices but it's way better than what you're doing right now..

"What do you say, is it a deal sweetheart?"

You weren't that stupid to make a deal with an overlord.

But as mentioned before,

Your undying spite with Alastor might've been your biggest push to shake Vox's hand and give your soul away carelessly.

"Deal."

(It's 1AM I need sleep BUT I JUST WANNA POST THISSISISIS GRAHHHH im so tired but there's one particular scene I want to get to.. may take awhile but AHHHHHHHH I can't wait!!)

[whore-era]

collage!ellie x reader hcs? <3

a/n: im gonna assume u meant college!ellie so HERE IT GOES just for you anon friend <3 sorry for how short it is kfkdkkd

tlou 2 university: college!ellie x reader headcanons <3 18+

i have a feeling ellie is either a biology major, engineering major, or a physics/astrophysics major (cuz our girl loooves space), meaning she's extremely intelligent and does very well in class!! she's always answering the professor's questions, taking notes, paying attention. when you struggle with any science/math related subjects, she's ALWAYS willing to tutor you. but, this doesn't mean she's just gonna give you the answers, she's gonna make sure you actually learn and study, even using any means possible — like having you strip off a piece of clothing every time you get an answer wrong and making it a fun time for the both of you.

when you have important projects/papers/quizzes/exams to do that day, she'll make sure to send an encouraging message. don't get me wrong, she always does, but on especially important days like these, she'll always make sure to send an extra special one <3 'good morning baby! you're gonna fucking KILL this chemistry exam babe! you worked your ass off and you're gonna do amazing and get the highest score ❤️ i love you my smart girl let me know what you get when you're done' 'ty els <3 i love you most babe ! i'm abt to start talk to u laterrrr 🏃🏻‍♀️'

ellie will always fulfill her girlfriend duties and walk you to and pick you from classes! even tho she's always a tiny bit late because your class was all the way across campus from hers, but she wants to make sure you're protected and safe so she doesn't care either way! and she'll always carry your books for you, making sure you don't strain or 'hurt' yourself (her words not yours). "els, i have two, capable working arms!!" you whine, as she takes the textbook off your hands, "and so? what if you get a muscle spasm? or you sprain your hand?" she retorts, "by a two pound book?" ellie shrugs, "the possibility is never zero, babe."

when ellie has a project or an essay to work on, it'll be a little difficult to reach her as she gets in the zone when she's working. you'll probably send her some texts throughout the day to check in on her, but as the day progresses you'll find yourself worrying and thinking about stopping by her dorm with dinner because you already know she hadn't ate all day from being cooped up in her room typing away:

you - 9:30 am: els! just got out of class!! gnna go get some lunch w jesse :) hope ur doin okay <3

you - 11:45 am: miss u babe hope ur work is coming along great !!!

you - 2:21 pm: havent heard from u......kinda worried....hope u have been eating n staying hydrated missy >:(

you - 5:56 pm: ok i'm On my way! to ur dorm rn w/ dinner i already know u haven't ate yet n ur gonna feel my wrath

you - 5:56 pm: ignore that extremely enthusiastic On my way! it autocorrected im still mad at u

hearing the booming pounding on her door, ellie takes off her earbuds and walks to the door, opening it. to her surprise, you're standing there, take-out in hand, and a grumpy expression gracing your face. "do you know what time it is? have you even ate yet, ellie williams-miller?" ellie grimaces at the sound of her full, government name leaving your lips. "i'm so sorry, babe. i was working all day, i didn't even realize how much time had passed 'til you showed up," ellie mutters, her stomach grumbling on cue. you hand her the take-out from her favorite spot on campus, and she graciously takes it from your hands. "you better be thankful you have a very caring and worrisome girlfriend, els," you say, "i really missed you today." a smile curls on ellie's lips, "i know, baby. here, let me take a little break from my paper, and i'll make it up to you, yeah?"

and that night, ellie was extremely thankful she worked on most of her paper, as she completely disregarded anymore work as she decided she'd rather fulfill her appetite by eating you out instead. leaving her take-out cold and untouched. but hey, she held her part of the deal and indeed made it up to you.

that was also how 5 papers ended up taped up against her dorm-room door, complaining of the 'fucking loud ass moans' the morning after.

"how'd they even know it was us?" ellie queries, reading over the complaints. "oh wait, it says here 'please tell your girlfriend to keep it down. she was screaming your name all night. thank you for reminding us who lives in dorm 114.'" needless to say, you were red as a tomato and it gutted you to leave her dorm, feeling everyone's eyes on you as you walked down the hall.

let me know if yall would like more college!ellie hcs!! <3

[askyourauntierosie]

“Hello there! :D”

“What’s ya name darlin?” *she continues talking* “You can call me Rosie sweetheart, Auntie Rosie if ya will! Have you met my dear friend Alasta’? (@voxtechsmells) He has a box enemy, or at least the box says they are, I’m not sure what his name is… Lox? Or is it Box? Vox?! (@voxtechsmellsgreatactually) That’s the one! Oh dear I’m not sure I’ll remember so I suppose I’ll have to call him Box! Oh and you should meet that wonderful little blonde girl, I believe her name was Charlie! :D (@princesscharliesstuff) Oh and her wondaful partna’ Vaggie! (@hazbinsprotectorxxx) oh they’re such darlin’s! and of course I could never forget about the king of hell himself! Lucifer! (@madly-enthusiastic) Ya see, Charlie has a lil’ hotel, the Hazbin Hotel! She already has a few patrons and a bit of staff, she has big dreams that lil’ one! Their names were Angel (@ask-angel-dust-w) and Husker (@husk-says-no)! Oh bless their little hearts! They even have a pet! His name is Allie (@cursedcatastor) looks almost exactly like Alasta’! The Queen of hell is back too! Her name is Lilith (@queensaskblog), ya might not know since she’s been gone for quite so long. Speakin’ of long , I hope it’s not long before I see ya around town again! Be careful or ya might get eaten just like my last husband! Here in Cannibal Town yah neva’ know! *she laughed before walking away, waving goodbye*

List of ppl in the rp :D

Alastor: @voxtechsmells

Again???: @alastorisbestdad

Why am I seeing three???: @alastor-ask

Zestial: @ask-zestial

Vox (Box): @voxtechsmellsgreatactually

is everyone doubling???: @voxtek-enterprises-offical

Charlie: @princesscharliesstuff

Vaggie: @hazbinsprotectorxxx

Lucifer: @madly-enthusiastic

Angel dust: @ask-angel-dust-w

Husker/Husk: @husk-says-no

Allie/ cursed cat Alastor: @cursedcataster

Lilith: @queensaskblog

Shea whoever that is: @asksheablog

Baldentino: @mothmandarling

Velvette: @therealbackboneofthevees

Pathetic bird: @adamforthewin

Micheal: @justificated-catalyst

(Mean scary lady :<): @angelofwrath2

Helluva boss ppl :D

Beelzebub: @ask-the-queen-beelzebub

Asmodeus: @ask-asmodeous-and-fizz

Blitzø: @blitzascbog

Other ppl :D

Hoppy Hopscotch: @hophopscotch

Ayuda: @shortmomma1993

Jax: @ask-jax-things

About the mod :D

NSFW scares me I can see art and stuff but I will crash out if it’s towards me or Rosie because IM the one role playing as Rosie

I will not say my real name or age, I am a minor and will not tolerate any sexual comments towards me or Rosie though I’m sure we won’t get any cuz y’all are awesome, anyways uh yah. So call me fish, don’t ask why I just chose a random animal. I wouldn’t recommend arguing with me, I can win the argument if I know I’m right, if I was wrong I will admit it, and this is not some kind of challenge to anyone reading this to come and argue with me about anything,I would just prefer if you didn’t try to. I like listening to hard rock, whatever category System of a Down falls under. I will either type in parentheses or I’ll probably use a blue font to talk, it really depends, anyways I love you guys and have fun asking questions :D

[xdeewolfx]

About rambling on about your day at trww screening, I would love to hear about it!

anon i love u ..... i'll put it under a cut cuz this might get long winded i love talking thank u

SO i went to the uh, august 12th ? the real will wood screening in new jersey last year. i think it was the last of 3 or so shows that day so it was taking place later in the evening. i got there uh Way Stupid Early because i wanted NOTHING to go wrong (i have chronic bad luck). the nice people at the movie theater were very kind, they let me sit inside and wait cuz it was hot out, they chatted with me a bit, and were just generally really cool people. i sat in the theater lobby for a bit, saw there was a merch table cleared and waiting to be set up. i didnt approach cuz im not That Kinda Person but i was like omg, thats gotta be for trww screening right. some people would come and go out of the direction of trww theater, mostly helpers. but THEN, im sitting there and i see tall guy in hat walk behind the table, rummage around in a bag, and start eating a lil snacky snack. the lobby was kinda dark and im blind as a bat anyway so it didnt click for me in the moment. i tried not to stare, only glanced up a few times. but eventually he looked up too and i was like wait that is THE real will wood. i stayed calm and casual, he waved at me, and i waved back with a sorta exasperated "oh my god, are you will wood?" and he just laughed and nodded. i told him i was there for the 7pm showing, and he (SO very shocked) was like "oh- oh my god? i thought you were here for the matinee!"

so that alone was super fucking cool. i didnt try to keep him or nerd out too much cuz at the end of the day he is just like, A Guy. yeah i really like his music but i didnt wanna be a freak or anything. he walked off and im like keysmashing in the discord group chat to my friends. chris appeared a few times too, walked outside for a smoke or to take a call or whatever. i smiled at him a few times but didnt have any one-on-ones and again didnt wanna be weird and pull him away from what he was doing or whatever.

after a bit, will walks out of the theater and approaches me. he leaned in and whispered "you can just... sneak in, if you want" with like the sneakiest smirk and im like UH ! UH ! UHHH!!!! because holy fucking shit no way will wood himself just offered to sneak me into the showing before the one i paid for? i just thanked him and he walked off, i didn't end up sneaking in cuz i had VIP for my actual showing and didnt wanna risk being kicked out of the theater. i mean, im sure will would have had my back but i just did NOT wanna risk it yfeel.

those were kinda the last interactions i had before one of the theater guys told me i probably wanna go stand outside to line up because people were starting to show up for the show i paid for. super cool of him. he walked me outside and i stood at the front, met some very awesome people, chatted for uh idk how long. time was moving so weird i was so excited.

before the line got too long, i noticed will and chris were sitting on a bench a ways down and i was like shit. h. okay. want to interact, i want to get them each to draw a little doodle in this sketchbook i brought. told myself i'd get will to draw a little black cat (had a black cat named jynx that i love and adore and miss so dearly) and chris to draw a little black dog (had a black lab named Q who i also love and adore and miss so dearly) and i knew this was my chance. sure i could do it at the meet-and-greet part of the vip experience i paid for but like. i knew there'd be a line of people and they'd want to expedite the process so i just went for it. i waited for a good window where nobody else was around so they wouldnt be overwhelmed. i, probably in the most sopping wet of a man way, shyly walked up and excused myself, asked if i could talk to them, to which they were both super cool and chill with it. i thanked them for their time, asked them if they could each draw what i was thinking of. will took the marker first while i explained why a black cat was so important and significant to me, and he listened with such genuineness.

i asked will if i could possibly get this tattoo'd one day, and he said “now i’m going to let you know. maybe some day i’ll strip down naked and run down the street saying slurs. so i might be CANCELLED some day. and if you have this on your body you will be called out on twitter. just so you know” which, funniest fucking response ever. what a fuckin king.

after that, i asked chris to draw a lil dawgie. he was much less enthused about having to draw but he DID it, he did like a step by step narration as he drew, ("how did I manage to make it look like a dick and a vagina at the same time") i told him he was doing great and got a very nervous "dont PATRONIZE me!" but it was all in fun and we all got a really good laugh out of that too i think. all in all both REALLY funny guys and good sports.

after that i thanked them both profusely and walked back to my spot in line. i met and chatted with even MORE people until the actual lineup for the show began. will opened the door and ushered us all in, this time in a different theater than the one he was in earlier in the day. this one was past the merch table, i kinda just walked straight past it to the theater because they werent even selling things yet, just getting things set up. everyone else behind me seemed to linger though, so i kinda just like. stood in the doorway of the theater nervously, not knowing what to do.

will walked up and asked me what was wrong, i told him i was nervous and didnt want to go in there by myself since nobody else was following. hes like, "awh, you're not alone! we'll go in there together" to which i knee-jerk replied with "omg we're besties." not the worst thing i could have said but i did feel quite silly, its alright tho he laughed so hopefully it wasnt like. too awkward LMAOOO.

chris was already in the theater waiting, will told me to sit anywhere so i just kinda sat directly at the front (later i'd learn that i picked the seats directly behind chris and will, pretty neat). some announcements were made as people started filing in, then the VIP part started. i once again was first in line, i didnt really have anything more to say or do besides take a picture with them and get them to sign the drawings they'd done earlier. when i popped open the book for chris to sign his dog, he just "jesus i hate looking at this thing". jokes on you chris i love looking at it. its hanging on my wall riiight now. probably wont get it tattoo'd (sorry) but its okay he begged me not to anyway.

i felt kinda silly and im kicking myself for it a bit, but after this photo chris was like "thanks for comin out and supporting us," and then sorta paused like he expected me to fill in the blank and say my name (in hindsight i realized i. NEVER told them my name.) but i was too jittery and overwhelmed by all the people behind us so i just smiled and walked off. i know they probably wouldnt have remembered my name anyway cuz they met so many people that day but, its like damn ! what if !

i went and got popcorn after that and just watched as people filed in and got pics with will n chris, told nice stories and gave gifts, then it was time for the screening itself. before they shut off the lights, will ran down the isle giving everyone high fives, starting with me since i was right at the front. SO fuckin cool.

the rest of the show was just, ykno, watching The Real Will Wood and sometimes getting gags or commentary from chris and will. at one point, when the song 2012 started playing, a guy next to me shouted the loudest "FUCK!" in time with the song. this got will to sit up and slowly turn around with a puzzled look, then he just "nice man" and gave the dude a high five. there was also a funny gag where someone pulled out a lighter and waved it all slow concert-style to Bones, so naturally everyone else pulled out their phone flashlights and it lit up the entire fuckin theatre. will and chris both turned around and just “jesus fucking christ” because it was SO GODDAMN BRIGHT. theres actually a pic of me doing the flashlight thing from will's instagram story LMAOO, i was honestly in a decent amount of his story shots (im the one in the orange shirt). pretty neato.

i didnt get any videos or pictures during the show itself because 1. its a movie. duh. but also cuz my phone was like, RAPIDLY losing battery and i could not risk it dying in case of an emergency. thats alright tho, im okay with the memories of that being in my brain :]

after the show, chris and will thanked everyone and we all sloooowly filed out to the merch table. since i was at the front of the theater, i was one of the last ones out, but thankfully i got the merch i wanted. bought a tshirt and a few albums. met a few people in line that i still talk to every now and then. at the very end, again since i was one of the last ones to the merch line, chris and will were just hanging out thanking people and saying goodnight. since the picture from in the theater kiiinda sucked lighting wise and was a little blurry, i asked if i could take a selfie with them. they were both really cool about it, i thanked them yet again, and then i was off. i sat in a corner charging my phone while i waited for an uber, and that was the day done :]

thank you for letting me ramble, anon, i love thinking about this day. i have chronic bad luck but everything was going right for once and im so thankful for it. i'd love to meet chris and will again some day, they are such genuine and nice people

[tfshouldidohere]

ok so

oh shes CRAZY crazy

[celestie0]

what kind of things do you do at a research lab? sounds like it kinda pays good. also, how was that presentation you had to give a few days ago? 🤔

hiii bb thanks for askingg the presentation went okay it was pretty brief lol i just had to present for something my PI has been researching haha it only took like fifteen minutes

OUU my job is so boring but yes i will indeed yap about it. yeah so i think my day to day varies a lot but i'm a research assistant n help out the doctorates/post doctorates with prepping things for their research so it's like. grunt work LOL but yeah stuff like purifying proteins (i purify a lot of fruit fly proteins since that's the model organism the biochem phd students i work with use) it's just a lot of pipetting and chromatography to make a bunch of little samples that the grad students can use to run their experiments!! some other stuff i do often is do plasmid transformation with agar plates, usually for the botany grad student i work w since he's researching transgenic plants for sustainable agriculture (his research is my faveee it's srs so interesting n he has like a whole walk-in plant chamber at work it's so cute lol) but anyway most of making agar plates is just......suspending n then centrifuging n then suspending n centrifuging SFKJSHL it's boring. yeah n then making buffer solutions, restocking other equipment n calibrating machines, all that stuff

that's kinda 50% of what i do where i'm on my feet, but the rest of it i'm just at my desk n helping my PI w proofreading his research notes bc he doesn't know english very well so i help him out w that even tho technically it's not part of my actual job LOL but it helps me get more hours in at least bc otherwise i'd be working very less. i only have two other coworkers w the same role as me so we try to split up work so my PI doesn't realize it's a one person job n fires two of us but sometimes there isn't much work to split hahah or one of us just accidentally does too much n then the next time i go in im like...there's nothing to do SDJKFHSDK it's kind of case by case cuz the grad students are really bad at telling us what they want us to do ahead of time lol. but still all in all it's pretty cool n def more chill than the hospital jobs i've worked haha

pay is a bit better than most part time jobs for sure, i get $24/hr (idc ab wage transparency hahah) and i work around 25 hrs a week. i used to work a different job after i graduated from july-december of last year that was full time but it was tooooo far from home i had zero work life balance so i just switched to this one n yea it's less hours but that's ok, tbh i kinda wanted a bit of a break before i go back to school and the lighter schedule has been nice. i think it's really helped w my post grad burnout sfkshdkfjd

HOPE THIS DIDN'T BORE YOU TO DEATH IT'S JUST NO ONE'S EVER ASKED ME THIS QUESTION BEFORE NOT EVEN MY FRIENDS LOL SO I GOT CARRIED AWAY thanks for ur ask bb<333

[peepongos]

ranking how well i think id do fighting my friends’ characters i attacked on art fight as someone who couldnt do 5 push ups

1. puknit - zach1008 (on insta)

the only canonically dead character on my list he already died of heart attack i think id be ok

2. cyrus (also the same guy its for zach he has fightable characters)

i just wouldnt really want to fight him but i think i could

he has rocks i think i could take maybe 8 before going down and thats long enough for me to like swing at him maybe

like just 1 swing i think would take him down hes a little guy like that

3. chalk - @muscularmuppet

unarmed i could cough on him and win but armed id get headshot instantly but id win the long term emotional duel cuz hed cry about it and thats enough for me to put him at #3

4. creek (on the left) - @postalshrimpy

if i could get his coffee away from him i think hed just wither away but i think that might be a little hard cuz he has a thing that lets him manifest like. a pole and that might hurt

5. abayomi - @jortathan

dude walks around w a 40 pound hat and plays ddr but i think i could beat him in an arm wrestle so maybe id be ok perhaps

i wanna believe id stand a chance against him so bad i do not want to lose to this guy

6. vektor - @skeletood

they got poisons and i got food poisoning one time and that hurted my tummy super bad so

and also bros a little bit of a fucker and would probably hurt my feelings :(

7. mags - @dessasterlabs

they pulled a knife on multiple people throughout the course of a few hours and dead legged dan i do not doubt that they could and would rock my shit if i stepped closer to them at all

my heat tolorance is high but not high enough to withstand real actual magma

8. johnny j and june - HollyerThanThou (on art fight)

theyre a duo so they already have numbers on me- junes cracked w metal n i do b having metal on me, and johnny can do at least 1 more pushup than i can :(

9. gilbert constello and falsetto- @thelionsrage and neki - DalastorRadio on toyhouse

imagine the emotional toll

10. all the gay campaign characters i could find on art fight at the time - HollyerThanThou and also Monkrilla on twitter

thats 8 whole ass people 2 of which i already know are kicking my ass

ive seen some of their character sheets im so fucked

[sucktacular]

cw weight loss mention.

today.... is a good readmore!! good news!! a lil bit of a vent here and there cuz my brain is a mine field, but over all im feeling kind of good?

not to like.... pat my own lil head about it or anything but i went outside today. AND i went on a WALK on my OWN around the neighbourhood.... I've never walked around here on my own, and i think the last time I went out for a walk on my own was a year and a half ago when i had to come out here to check out the room for rent (current room). so its really been a hot fuckin minute. i was honestly feeling super anxious. but i put in my head phones and listened to my music and text-talked to some friends and it made it a lil easier. ; w;

I've been working out a lot too for the past few days!!!! My lil weights and lots of other exercises.... I feel really good about it so far honestly and I really hope maybe I can keep this up. especially through winter.

honestly im terrified of winter coming. i really dont want to feel stuck inside again and things get worse? I want so badly to go outside on my own. Be able to do shopping when I need. Go get little treats! Take care of myself and my needs. I'd really really like to work on getting a job or some sort of money source.because disability denied me over and over despite having even a therapist letter confirming like. heyyy theyre fucked up!!!, but like.... i want so badly to have money again. and i want to save and i want to put it away and also... being on social assistance im not allowed to leave canada for more than 7 days in a row and that is straining the FUCK out of my relationship and like my life moving forward at all in general. we cant go on a trip to the Adirondacks for the seasonal change and im super fucking bummed out about it honestly. and its literally just cuz of social assistance keeping me at home. its literally so fucked.

but anyway. im trying my fucking damnedest and im trying soooooo hard to keep upright and now sink and slip back down. Ive got some friends in my corner. and thats great. but its all on me at the end of the day. and if im being frank i fucking HATE HOW IM LIVING!!!!!!!! I DONT WANT!!!! TO BE DEPENDANT!!!! ON PEOPLE!!!!! i dont want to be stuck at home, the summer is fucking gone and i barely did anything.... i want to go out! i want to go to concerts! i want to go to festivals!! i want to go to meet ups and visit friends and i want to do so many fucking things!!! i want to explore, i want to see the world, i want to eat food and meet ppl and experience. i want so much out of my life. but im absolutely holding myself back. and i know its not entirely on me to just push myself out of that because i also dont want to burn out. and i know mental illness and i know i know i know.

but

im so tired of this. im literally clawing in my cage here and i dont feel like anyone really GETS that? idk idk maybe ppl do im just out of my mind and this ISNT ME. this isnt who i want to be, and i know i dont really get much of an option in that? cuz my brain is going to fucking keep doing what it is doing. but i AM getting therapy. I AM talking about the hard hard fucking shit. the shit that makes me want to kms the shit that makes me want to peel my skin off or just disappear entirely. im trying. and i dont want to crash and i dont want to burn and go back to this again. but like... idk man if i dont fucking push myself up im NOT gonna get back up. im complacent in the comfort of hiding away from life. when i want nothing more than to love everyone and kiss my friends faces and hold their hands and go to places and see things and eat things and do stuff blah blah blah

im strong.. im smart.. im creative... I CAN dance the dance. but im terrorized by the thought of existing enough to not be wanted around by even just one person LMAO;;;;;;

anyway this is getting a bit venty but

I WENT OUT!!! I WALKED FOR LIKE 30MIN. I GOT SWEATY. I CAME HOME. I WORKED A LITTLE. I DID MY DISHES YESTERDAY. I WORKED UP A HUGE SWEAT LAST NIGHT. I MAKE MY BED EVERY DAY. THE WEATHER IS CHILLING. I LOST 20LBS SINCE APRIL!!!! I HAVE A BETTER SLEEP SCHEDULE AND IM TRYING MY DAMNEST TO KEEP BRING IT BACK A BIT MORE (4/6am - 3/4pm right now. I'd love to wake up by 10am at minimum honestly). IM MOTIVATED IM TRYING SO FUCKING HARD.

i need to remember im independent. and i fucking adore my independence. and i need to stop being so complacent to allow ppl to care for me. like obv my heart is open to it and i let people in and i dont shy away. to be a human is to care and receive care. but my independence is a deeply deeply personal thing for me and without it im... just not myself. im just not me. im just not at my full potential. and i reallllly need to work it out.

[obsessed-yan]

a little vent ׂׂׂׂૢ་༘࿐

my "friend" (using quotes cuz honestly idk if i rlly consider him a friend anymore cuz of this coupled w past stuff thats happened) is being a total pos whiney asshole

what happened was, last week i noticed my debit card had transactions on it that i knew for a fact i didnt make. i contacted some1 from my bank to dispute the charges to get my money back; guy walked me thru it n i cancelled my card. few days later i seen a small amount refunded but knew it wasnt the full amount. friend n i had plans to go to target friday n maybe get smthn to eat, well bc of the stuff w my card i decided i just wanted to go into the bank n talk w someone irl so since i was off work early i asked if we cld go there first n hopefully get everything settled (he said ofc n i did for the most part, the charges started all the way back in april of 2023 which is wild to me that i didnt notice it until last week- i got part of my money back right away so thats good). after that we went to eat then to target (i wanted to go cuz of the cute honeypot i kept seeing on my tiktok fyp also got one ver of jungkooks album n a bts book anyway) i got very frustrated while we were at target so after i paid for my stuff there i was ready to go home.

then the next day at work one of my co-workers asked me how my date went n i said i didnt go on a date..? when i got home i msgd him n asked why said co-worker asked me that; it doesnt help that also that day 2 separate customers asked me abt my ex or made a comment abt how i shldntve broken up w my ex, its been almost 6 months get over it. why do u ppl care so much its none of ur business n also i got yelled at n cussed out by 2 other seperate customers but the date thing happened first n was the main thing that ruined my mood.

he said he thought it was one n asked her for advice. i said it wasnt it was just basically running errands n that i thought ive made it perfectly clear im not n nvr will be interested in him in that way, ever. boundaries were re-established as well that night.

then the next day (sunday) right once i get clocked into work one of my managers pulls me into our accting office to talk w me abt friend bc he called off for his shift n was crying. she knows he likes me n is basically obsessed w me but that i dont like him back n she knows weve been friends n hav talked together for a while now at this point but she asked for all the details that day. i told her as much as i cld b4 i was needed up front. she basically said that he was upset that i was upset abt what happened the night b4 n that he was jealous of one of my other friends n is worried for my safety bc of said other friend. my manager said shes worried abt me to but bc of him n said i shldnt talk to him for a while.

i confronted him abt that (not abt the jealousy of other friend part cuz i honestly forgot abt that bit until just now) he claimed that all he did was call off cuz his stomach hurt n he didnt know why our manager talked to me. he showed me some ss between him n the co-worker that asked me abt friday n i said i wasnt mad abt her knowing i was mad cuz she called it a date cuz u told her it was one when it wasnt n that i was also mad from our manager talking to me abt him. i told him not to talk to our manager abt what i told him and what did he do, he asks her abt smthn i said. like are u fucking an idiot wtf!?

then he said his plan was to leave me alone "until things die down" THERES NOTHINF THAT NEEDS TO DIE DOWN FUCKING MAN UP N HAV AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION W ME FOR ONCE WHERE U DONT TRY TO LIE OR PUT BLAME ON SOMEONE ELSE FOR SHIT U OBVIOUSLY DID and stop talking to other ppl abt me its weird!!!

im sick n tired of whenever smthn happens w him i get asked abt it like what happened w him, idfk n frankly idc

i am so fucking done w him n his bs. he can try to make me feel bad or get pity from me all he wants but im seriously just so over all this bullshit. im not talking to him anymore fuck u. last time he stopped talking to ME cuz of how much i liked 🍫 n i wld talk w him abt it cuz i didnt hav any1 else to, plus we were friends i thought it was ok. but he said i was "unsafe" for him to talk to. i told my manager abt that.

its just like, when were talking before like the first time, he did basically the same shit when my friends wld point out bad things hed say or do n he wld deflect then default to being a crybaby abt it. like ur in ur l8 20's at best, learn how to take responsibility for ur actions man!! like are u joking w me rn

think ill hav to cut it short for rn, im getting tired n cant think str8 lmao

[c03xistentw01]

yo

ayo i goooootta write i gootata write.

Its kinda embarrassing now idk what to say. so today when it was raining and i was walking in portello towards mensa with michele and we were both under the same umbrella guess whom i saw yes ofc the one i always see alone when im with michele: Giorgio. He always has this worried/upset look that I think stems from a lack of friends to hang out with on a saturday night. He seems quite harmless tho. anyway.

during lunch michele kept asking me about traditional ways of eating/dining in iran. he was like so do u guys have actual traditional meals i was like yea there are like stews with rice. he was like so is it just that? how about desserts? how about drinking coffee after/before meal? how about aperitivo before a meal? what are the products that we here in italy imported from "your country"? at some point he was like so yea this one time i was out i had this saffronish dessert with some marmelatta on top of it or he also said one time (or maybe some time when he goes out for eating) he might order some pasta and idk tbh? i lowkey felt like after the dessert thing he kinda expected me to be like so yea btw where was that one place to went to for the saffronish dessert? and he would like oh yea it was xxx i be like oh damn fr? he be like yea fr if u want we can go together once and and and andd....wow. people are actually patient with what they want? like are we sure that they exist? [yes. u just saw one today.] so like.....people don't just give u a poem they wrote for u 2 weeks ago on the first time of hanging out? like oh bro fr? deymn brother.

i miss you. ehem ehem.

anyway. i went to the lab afterwards. but no.

before that i went to math and it was a rainy day. at the entrance i saw soldier looking at his broken umbrella with so much confusion. swinging the bare empty handle in the air. all accompanied with so much confusion. the whole time i was looking at him i was about to throw up cuz he so damn adorable its unbelievable.

after that i went to lab and after making myself promise that when stefano was like yes for the meeting "absolutely" I'll be there today in the lab, it means that he would "absolutely" be there so imma wait until as late as it can get just to get answers. and i did and i was blessed with his emergence. he had his umbrella or hat or sth in his hand. he said "hiiii" with a really lovely tone tbfr and was like "i put this (pointed at this hat/umbrella) for a second then I'll come back" and he legit did come back in a second. he came and sat next to me and bro has zero notion of personal distance (which ehem ehem tbfr? kinda um? kinda um felt kinda um? NoIcEEEehemhehmhem?) anyway bro legit came sit like a hurricane and got too close his legs were touching mine and imagine me who's always overwhelmed over simple fucking existence of mere beings, was trying to run the fucking tiago shit. which i did in the end. tbr at first i tried to move away my legs away a bit because i was like maybe he did it cuz he dont have enough space left so i did it move my legs away but my BRO IT DID NOT WORK? so then i thought ok maybe if i continue doing it he be thinking this one lil weirdo is doing wtf? so i stopped and tried to focus on the tiago shit. i dont remember much more. he was like ok do this do that he gave me the big image of my thesis once more in detail and then said something like that what u achieved until now with moving the whole robot and shit is good and all dont panic and all u aint no behind my child. and was like the lil reports u send every now and then are good keep doing those they will come in hand when u wanna write the thesis itself. and bro. when we were talking while seated, i felt weird about his head. like his head and hands looked way bigger when up close. and also eyes ehem eheme ehemehere. i couldn't tell whether they green or brown or hazel.

yea that was it. lowkey intense. u can use that as the starting point for a future hentai plot.

also on the way out i almost bumped into daniel (fusaro). he said oh scusa...ciao!!! (cuz he saw me leaving) i said ciao but then i saw him bumping into the open window and dropping his notebook on the floor i turned back and was looking at him he said a posto i smiled he left. u know what i like? the fact that he felt the need to reassure me that it/he era a posto. man how much i liked that.

[update]: HELP. my virgin-ass has not been having it AT ALL OK? I can so NOT pretend like I did not get turned on. ok? I've legit had 4 0rga3mz in the last 36 hours and I'm just...helpless. I was trying my best not to google you. AND not to daydream which i successfully FAILED at both. so apparently u were doing your [continuous?] master's at Polimi from 2011 until 2017 so that makes you 31/2ish? you went to EPFL and ETH Zurich ... oh fuck it. i just learned on my intensive Facebook cyberstalking journey that you are in a relationship (and seem to have been since around 2011ish?) and tomorrow when i regain my emotional strength I'll get back here (i go die slowly, thinking of how you were playing table tennis naked).

anyway. what i mainly wanted to say is that the fact that you were so comfortable being physically close to me stems from (as a result of at least 48 hours of intensive deep analytical-hierarchical reasoning) the fact that you are so highly sure of YOURSELF that it can not possibly even BEGIN TO MEAN anything to you. While me, on the other hand, was so acutely unsure of myself that i kept keeping my distance. but hey, it could be worse. I will still have (hopefully) such small physical interactions that well, as we all know by now, can not mean shit to you and to me, they have the full potential to brighten up even just a bit, this current doom and gloom era of my life. I think I do feel privileged to entitle myself to seek (not desperately) this occasional pleasure. To not essentially feel the closeness, but to notice myself enjoying the satisfaction of adoring you under the hood. [update]: I was so sad a while back i wanted to be shredded to pieces and vanish into thin air. I wanna let go of fear so bad but the more you try to run away from it the more it catches you instead. Ethical or fucking not, we are declared fully free to think whatever thought we want right? This weekend I felt loved and thrilled to the core. I felt loved because I felt like I could simulate what it could be like to receive it from you. I kept tweaking the parameters in my head to align my imagination with the "most probable" scenario. It was an oscillatory stochastic process but it was worth it, i enjoyed the short ride, with "you". The memories of the brief frenzy still smoothens my ever-shaky soul, puts it at ease. oh man. how many times did i imagine kissing you or nervously running my fingers on your neck grabbing your waste and feeling my legs between yours but above all, how many times did I try to make myself feel "accepted" by you? enough times i bet. no matter how free we appear to be in our own "mind castles", I was still way too unsure to give in to my vulnerabilities with you. Although I did not deprive myself from feeling like I'm a kite being flown by you. Keep flying me don't let go of the leash can't get enough of the height or the wind or the view oh the view for sure most of all . .

... scusa ma ho troppo sonno ok

[avo-kat]

i was checking my drafts (for the irrational fear that there will be a bug that suddenly releases all your posts in draft; this has no basis on reality, so dont worry), and found this post from march 1st 2023.

its me working out that im definitely not trans:

dont mind me, im just sitting here and thinking out loud

me: oh im just a regular woman. not straight. but otherwise normal. thats all. :) [pre 2020]

me: hm actually. you know what? hmhm. something is up

me: no its fine. its time. i came out as lesbian to my friends! this is great. i love this. time to buy... lgbt merch. [around 2020]

me: what kind tho... hm.... somehow.... u know? normal rainbow stuff is fine, right?

me: hmmmm im not feeling so good actually??? [around 2021]

me: is that... u know what.... i think i may be.... non-binary? i thought this was only smth for kids but looking into it, huh, i guess so!

me: now i can wear more boy clothes. and walk a bit more masc. thats kinda fun. mens tank top. mens shorts. baseball cap. i feel awesome. hairy legs. hairy armpits. hell yeah!

me: but im just nb im not trans thats not being trans

me: i dont wanna intrude or take away or smth im just nb

me: im fine being the way i am no need to do hrt or anything really

me: and honestly, i dont wanna lose my identity as a queer woman!!! i love being a queer woman! well ok not a woman anymore but im still like, sapphic! that kinda thing!!! im deathly afraid of losing this part of my identity!

me: im super fine w my body and im fine staying this way and also being my agab at my job

me: besides im so cute now and id deffo look ugly as a guy

me: i dont even like guys that much so like come on

me: that one guy is giving me such gender envy. thats just 1 exception tho [around 2022]

me: i prefer he/they but im fine with all pronouns :)

me: i like it when ppl use male words for me. just makes me feel good. nothing else :)

me: (i have no dysphoria cuz im nb im not trans)

me: its cool im fine

me: hmmmmmmmmm

me: mhmhm eeeh

me: im not feeling so great again thats so weird....??? [late 2022/early 2023]

me: mhmhmhmhmh

me: oh look im growing facial hair

me: guess ill shave. thats annoying. kinda cool but annoying

me: oh wow i gotta shave more often huh thats so annoying

me: hm hair is growing more... actually... feels nice touching my hairy face kinda

me: oh well i gotta shave for work, so

me: ach. why does that feel unpleasant?

me: oh well. heh, if i were a man (im not tho), some things would be kinda fun!

me: if i were a guy. that would be fun. like. purely hypothetical, yknow?

me: like if i suddenly got the superpower to change my appearance. that would be sooo cool. just cuz.

me: wouldnt that be fun. it would. it would be so fun.

me: not trans tho

me: def not trans. i feel shaky and queasy just thinking of it. im not

me: just nb. im fine. im fine staying like this. like. im. im fine.

me: like sure im not like super comf

me: thats on me deciding not to be more gnc in public. yeah. it would be such a hassle

me: yeah. what if tho lol. can u imagine. god, telling my boss? no way man that wouldnt fly

me: and id be so ugly. im cute right now. and im not strong. or build. and im too fat. if i were to be a man id wanna be, like, hot, yknow? strong and sharp jawline. if i were to be guy. im not. i wouldnt. im not trans lol

me: lemme write this fanfic real quick. just smth self-indulgent. what if i woke up in the body of the main character of this shounen anime lol. id be a boy lol. like. id be a man. mans body lol. that be fun lol. and what if i managed to fall in love with that male character. wed be so gay together. haha. two guys. such a funny idea

me: .....................

me: like what if i got top surgery.

me: like, sure. a year ago i was scared of losing my boobs. like if i had breast cancer and had to remove them. id look so off. my body would look wrong. boobs are an important visual element.

me: but what if i got top surgery. like. i hate bras. i dont like them being touched much either honestly so i wouldnt really lose anything? it would be more comfy for me day to day. and while sleeping. so, honestly, only upsides?

me: ...what would i need, theoretically. hm. half a year of therapy? oh. yeah. no. im not trans. so. yeah.

me: ....................

me: like, what name would i even pick. idk. well doesnt matter. im not trans.

[new addition, july 2023] me: im trans :D

[idontmindifuforgetme]

im very lucky to have a group of friends that i love sincerely they really do fulfill me, buttt over the past 2 years most of them have moved away and it truly hurts my would, i listened to a podcast that says u meet most of ur friends by age 25 and i just started panicking cuz i tuned 24 recently, i cant stop thinking about how I'm just gonna be left alone idk i feel like suddenly super insecure about my social life i mean I've met new people over the last couple of months but none have been sticking etc. Also actively looking for friends feels so pathetic i feel like the biggest loser in the world. How do u get over this?

oh wow, that’s a very bold statistic. can i ask what the podcast’s name is? & what their sources are, if they cited any? i don’t doubt a lot of people flatline by 25, but things have also changed a loooot since the advent of social media. befriending people all over the world is accessible now more than ever… it wouldn’t surprise me if it was a lil bit of an outdated fact.

but anyway, running w the assumption that this is accurate: it genuinely doesn’t mean anything. say you’ve seen a statistic that says 70% of all biology majors end up switching majors. the automatic assumption to this is that biology is a hard major. but that’s not necessarily the case. some students could have dropped out because they’re no longer interested in biology; others could have dropped out because financial issues got in the way; others still could have dropped out because they’re reconsidering their career of choice. point is, a statistic can encompass any number of reasons, but that’s hardly ever accessible information.

the fact that most people meet their friends by 25 doesn’t mean making friends is no longer inaccessible; it just means most 25 year olds don’t do it, based on this statistic. maybe a lot of 25 year olds settle down and get preoccupied w family instead; maybe they already have their established cliques and don’t seek people outside of it; maybe it’s just not a priority, period. it doesn’t mean you, yourself, w your own circumstances that can never be exactly replicated by others, can’t form new bonds. & what’s pathetic about seeking human connection? vulnerability is literally your strongest weapon. try not to get bogged down in today’s rhetoric that disinterest translates into independence. it just translates into being alone & suppressing your feelings. anyone who thinks you’re pathetic for seeking connection can walk themself out the door. that thought process itself would be pathetic, and you’re better off without that kind of negativity in your space.

you’re 24. your life just started. live it to the fullest bc it’s a blessing and none of us is guaranteed a rewind. meet new people & learn & laugh & cry along the way. what others think of you is none of your fucking business <3

[ohgoodnessgravious]

i’m p sure the it fandom is completely dead but here r some headcanons. i’m sure some day someone will remember it and their phase will come back for a day or two.

-//-

the second eddie even thought richie was cute he’d immediately start shaking his head and kept saying “no no no no no no” out of no where and then run out of the treehouse. he would not stand 4 that. mans has internalized homophobia. he thinks it’s a disease and what not. poor guy was flipping his shit. everyone looked at eachother weird and didn’t really uh get what happened. eventually they thought richie said smth so they were like ahhh what did u say to him!!! and what not.

when richie thought of eddie as cute his face went blank. like he was laughing w eddie orsmth and then out of nowhere went 😐 and left. then started pacing around the forest like “shit oh fuck why did i just leave him like that” and was ab to go back and then was like “shit oh fuck it’s probably gonna be awkward now” eventually ben went looking for him. richie was talking a mile a second and confessed that he thought eddie was cute. ben just kinda looked at him and was like “ur gay? IM SORRY i’m sorry i didn’t mean that in a bad way i just..! that’s cool man! i um…wow! okay! okay. are u gonna tell the other losers?” and richie started trying to defend himself saying he’s not gay and whatnot.

eddie thought ab richie in that way before richie did. richie always somewhat liked him but after eddie started being awkward around richie he started liking him more if that makes sense. even if richie himself didn’t know his subconscious did and so like since…fuck man idk how to explain things. anyways richie confessed to eddie. ben kept trying to convince him to. ben had this whole romantic thing planned out and richie just…he went up to eddie’s door, mrs kaspbrak answered, eddie came up to the door since mrs kaspbrak was like “eddie ur little friend is here”, richie got really nervous, blurted out “i’m gay”, teared up, and ran away. i’m sorry this isn’t all that cute but this is 100% accurate i asked andy myself. this is just turning into me shitting around sry for wasting ur time. anyway the next time eddie saw richie he walked the other way cuz of the whole disease thing. his mom wouldn’t let richie anymore and was like “ew no ur gonna infect my son” but in a bitchier way? richie ended up running after eddie one day. literally. eddie was running for his life. “i’m sorry i didn’t handle that well i just have a crush on you and whatever like sorry this is kinda sudden but you’ve been ignoring me but i swear i wont infect you with gay i’m so sorry eddie i don’t even think i really have a crush on u anymore unless u have a crush on me then i do have a crush on you cause like okay hm okay so please don’t ignore me eddie please please please i can’t-“ and so fourth. eddie was literally just staring at him the whole time with like super wide eyes. he slowly walked away and then turned around and kept opening his mouth to say something and then just kinda stood there with his finger up like 👆 pointed in richies direction and richie tested up a bit and was like “eds” and eddie still didn’t say anything and richie was like “for fucks sake eddie u didn’t even get mad at me for saying eds” and all eddie said was “sorry” and left. thanks goodbye

[nightowlfandom]

Keith (Voltron)- Heat Season

EDIT- I took off the “AU” part because I legit forgot what I was doing lol. No AU here

Hey hey! ANON ASKS

omg. can u do a keith x reader mating szn smut? like it’s his first heat so he locked himself away(f’s in the chat for keith) but the reader went to check on him not knowing a thing(gasp!). keith rlly do be rough at first bc he’s not thinkin straight but then becomes more ✨passionate✨ rough smut at first, then some tenderness(like my dino nuggets. lmao im 20), but then heated passionate smut. *chefs kiss* oui oui baggett

Keith from Voltron?....Cuz that’s what I’m doing for my mental health....And I’m going to hope and pray that’s what you wanted....cuz im doing it. Prepare your diddly hole....that sounded wrong. Hope you like it! 

BTW You caught me on an off day, but I didn’t wanna leave you hanging.

CHECKOUT MY MASTERLIST HERE!

Leggo!

...

You were confused as to why everyone had insisted you go check up on Keith. Then again the last thing you said to him before he locked himself in his room for 3 days was. 

“Wow, it’s so hot in here. I need to change out of these clothes.”

It was a throwaway comment that usually earned you a laugh or two from him. Only this time, it ended with him taking one look at you, and zooming off. Three whole days since then and it felt like you were the only one who wasn’t aware of what was going through his head.

So here you were, standing outside his door. You hesitated for a while, frozen in place.

“He’s your friend.” you declared. “You can do this!” you nodded with determination. You slowly raised your hand and knocked. 

“Fuck!” you heard on the other side. “W-Who’s there!”

“It’s me?” you answered, slowly becoming unsure. “Is it a bad time?”

“Y/N!” he grunted. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to check on you! P-please let me in.” you sighed. 

“Y/N! It isn’t safe for you to be here!” he sounded in pain.

“Keith! It’s either you let me in or I melt the door down!” you warned. "I have a lighter on me, don’t test whether or not I’m serious.”

Suddenly the door slid open. Without another thought you walked in. His room looked normal. “Keith?”

Just as you got in, the door slammed shut, making you jump. A shirtless Keith stumbled out of the bathroom. His face was completely red and he was sweating. Without a pause, you rushed over to him.

“Y/N!” Keith shuddered. “P-please don’t-”

“Keith!” you cut him off. “You’re burning up!” you put a hand on his forehead. For some reason, he leaned into your touch. He shuddered, his eyes glazing over slowly. This was a side of his you’ve never seen before.

It wasn’t long bore you managed to connect the dots. You couldn’t stop the blush from rising onto your face. “Oh.” was all you could say.

“Y/N...” he dropped to his knees. “I’m so sorry.” he whimpered. “It’s...t-too much.” he moaned. “I didn’t want to scare you.”

He rested his head against your stomach. “I want you so bad.” he cried. Like literally cried. “I c-can’t control it.” he whimpered.

“Keith? Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve helped you, I could’ve-.”

“The only reason I didn’t tell you was because in order to calm it down...I’d have to...have my way with the object of my aggression.” you could tell he was very ashamed. It then dawned on you what he meant when he said he wanted you.

“And...that’s me?” you clarified, voice shaking.

He buried his face into your stomach, tightening his grip around you. “Yes...”

“...Then do it.” you found yourself saying. This caused him to look up in surprise.

“You just made a big mistake, Y/N.” he glowered. A sadistic smile arose on his face. “You just opened yourself up to me.” he scrambled to his feet. Before you knew it, you felt your back hit the door. “Which means I can do whatever I want to you now.”

Keith grabbed a handful of your hair in his fist and bought your lips to his. You winced in pain, feeling him tighten his grip, as if he was scared to let you go. He must have detected this because he moved his hand to the side of your neck. 

Your body was flush against the wall and he was pressed against you, covering your body like a blanket. He yanked himself away from you and hoisted you up. 

Keith carried you to his bed and practically threw you on the plush surface. In that instant, the tables were flipped. Instead of looking up at you through hooded eyes with a shameful gaze, it was you who was now looking up at him.  Keith stared down at you with a glare. You probably looked ridiculous, but you didn’t care. 

“How do you want me?” you found yourself asking. 

“Fuck.” he whimpered. Just hearing you say that sent him crazy. He could smell sex coming off you, and he wanted to get his hands on you. His mouth, his dick, whatever he could touch you with. He could barely gather his thoughts. Every corner of his mind was occupied by visions of you, imagines, of you, thoughts of you. “Clothes...off...now.”

He didn’t wait for you, instead he ripped your shirt down the back, tearing it to shreds. He gently pushed on your chest, sending you down. Your back in the bed and you didn’t dare try and sit up.

“Is this a good time to mention I went commando today?” you asked aloud. Keith stopped everything he was doing and looked at you. He was expressionless. He didn’t say a word.

“...You’re not wearing any underwear?” he glowered.

“No?” you trailed off. “I didn’t do my laundry.” you admitted. 

The remained of your shirt fell in a pool around you. You and Keith had a stare-down, that glossy look returning to his eyes. He hooked his fingers around the hem of your pants and yanked them down. As expected, you were completely exposed to him. No undergarment in sight. Your smell filled his nostrils.

He instantly began fumbling with his pants, unable to control himself anymore. He could see that you were already excited down there and he was growing inpatient. 

He grabbed hold of your thighs and thrust himself into your tightness, earning a surprised moan from you. You felt better than he thought you would. You fit him perfectly, like a sheath built for a special type of sword. 

“Fu-...Ungh...-” He could barely make words as he pumped into your wetness. “Y/N.” he grunted. “You’re mine.” he growled. “Mine. If anyone else touches you after today, they’ll have me to answer to.” he croaked.

You were at a point where you couldn’t make any words, your body had reacted to him in a way where you felt like a slave to his touch. Was is pheromones? It was probably pheromones...you’d have to ask later.

“I wanna- I wanna kiss you.” Keith fought to speak as he slammed his hands on either side of your head. As promised, he lazily crashed his mouth over yours. His kiss was sloppy and lazily, his lips leaving a thin line of drool as he kissed down your neck. 

He rolled his hips against yours, groaning at each thrust. At this rate, he wouldn’t be able to last long. That didn’t stop him from speeding up. 

“Y/N.” he moaned again. With each sloppy thrust, his name left your lips, sounding more and more guttural before he spilled into you. He yanked his length out of your hole, splattering the entire front of your body in his cum. 

You looked like a pretty sight. You were officially marked by him. When you looked up, that hungry gaze was still strewn across his face. You noticed his eyes were still focused on your heat. His tongue darted out to lick his lips. 

He met your eyes for a split second before giving you a lewd smirk. He winked at you before scooting back to lay on his stomach. 

“K-keith. We just fin-ISHED.” you tried to say. Keith had attached his mouth to your sensitive bundle of nerves. 

“I know.” he stopped to speak for a bit. “I didn’t feel you cum for me though.”

“You can tell?!” you look down surprised. No, you didn’t fake it...but you didn’t think he would go this mile. 

“Of course I can fucking tell...you’re mine remember?” he giggled before lashing his mouth against you again. You could feel tears of pleasure welling up at the corners of your eyes. Your fists clenched the sheets under you.  It was like he had full control of you. You felt his fingers pump into you again, fucking his cum back into you. (I’m such a thot omg)

Your orgasm came like an avalanche. A mixture of loud cries and moans ripped through the air. Surely anyone who had been around could hear.

You were just worried about what would happen tomorrow.

...

“NOT A WORD!” you threateningly held up a butter knife to Lance not even three hours later.

“Just saying...I was on the other side of the-”

“SHUT UP!” you cut him off. 

“...Was he good though?”

“I said shut up!” you groaned, feeling your face heat up in embarrassment.

“I’m just saying...those hickeys aren’t gonna heal for a while.” he shrugged, laughing out loud as he walked away.

“Fuck me!” you seethed, trailing your fingers over your aching skin.

“What was that?” Keith seemingly appeared out of nowhere. You dropped the butter knife, feeling his broad chest up against your back. “Did you say to-”

“In the kitchen though?!” you squeaked. “Bad dog! Very bad!” you whimpered, melting into his touch anyways.

“Don’t worry, it only lasts a week.” he giggled in your ear.

A week...lord help you.

“Maybe longer if I like you enough.”

....Fuck

[nymeriaaa]

today i was literally going to talk to him i walked right past him when i was going to the canteen and bc break had literally just started there was so many people and i brushed shoulders w him 🧍‍♂️

so then i dragged my friends away from where they were watching heartstopper and i nearly went up to him bUT he managed to get an even bigger group of eshays. and some of these werent the ones that bark at me, oh no, theyre the ones that ACTUALLY h@t3 cr!m3 me! (like push me down stairs and into walls ykwim)

i was like hell no. no way. i was silently laughing bc its so sad and funny that theyre so homophobic yet at least one of them is gay. its sad cuz im lucky i have a small friend group that isnt like that but basically all the people in our year are like that. so he cant really get new friends (unless me.. but my friend group has a weird dynamic its a bit odd lol)

thought id update u on today <33

uh wtf your school sounds scarey lol

he needs to ditch them. im glad he's coming to his senses coz it sounds like he's so far above them and can do so much better

[kaebedom-me]

We believe in Cheaya supremacy 😖😩🥵 Can I have some wedding headcanon plz🥺

YEEESSS CHAEYA SUPREMACY I'VE BEEN DYING TO WRITE THIS ONE

LESGO LES FU CK ON G GO!!!!!!!!

Pplspls,, im os fuckong sofft.... Chaeya wedding I'm,,, thnak you so so os much fot requesting this I'm gomma cry

Chaeya wedding...... I-

Childe's the one that proposes bet

Kaeya.. It takes a while for him to answer, i don't see him immediately accepting the proposal immediately even if they head over heels deeply in love with each other

Cuz Kaeya thinks he has issues and honestly why would someone as influential and spectacular and gorgeous as Childe?? want??? to marry him???????

I also think they're pretty communicative people? Like sure Childe's the type to spring up proposals out of no where

Especially during like a fight with a really strong opponent w Kaeya he just "marry me" out of no where

He's the type to do that, yes, but he also is pretty in tuned w Kaeya so he knows Kaeya might want to talk about it too

Like after a really nice date or smth? Or after a very sweet knock the air out of your lungs sex he just kinda softly asks if he can propose to Kaeya

They'll talk about it and it'll be awhile before Kaeya says yes to being proposed to?

Then Childe will propose uwu and even then it'll be a Soft™ proposal done in private or where its just the two of them

Okokok before i get carried away here's the actual wedding hcs because I'm trailing off to proposal hcs

[eyes emoji]

They would probably have a spring wedding

The weather isn't too cold or hot

Childe!! Wants a big wedding the biggest!!!!!! Everyone's invited!!! His getting married to the most beautiful man in Teyvat!! Everyone needs to know!!!

But Kaeya would prefer a smaller wedding with only close friends and family umu

They settle for a semi small wedding

Everyone important to them is there and they (childe) sent out a couple of extra invitations for people he thinks he'd like to see

His entire immediate family is there because he loves them sm and what's to share the special day w them

I feel also like they'd hold the wedding either somewhere really obscure or somewhere easy for everyone to get to

It's cute cuz Childe wants a really obscure place where it's super pretty very romantic and memorable? But Kaeya's like??? How are all your guests going to come then

Childe no think only putting a ring on Kaeya and kissing him to seal the marriage contract no Thoughts

Zhongli being like the priest-ish guy he's there to do the marriage contract ok

Venti provides entertainment

I want this to be few years down the line when everything is settled AU where everything works out fine, no one dies, and everything great. A happy ending because its what Chaeya deSERVES.

I- Kaeya in a wedding dress Kaeya in a wedding dress Kaeya in a wedding dress KaeyA iN a WEdING DReSS KAEYA IN A WEDDING DRESS

Yeah, Kaeya would totes rock a wedding dressing. Like bonus if Childe wants to see him in a wedding dress too?

They'd prolly have like a mixed tradition wedding like it's not as traditional. Something between Mondstadt and Snezhnayan tradition uwu

Diluc is here too,, they're brothers again kinda plS I JUST WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY IT'S A HAPPY DAY

I think it'd be nice if Diluc was the one walking Kaeya down the aisle? Hhh and they're talking softly because they haven't been talking for awhile

Diluc a little like reluctant because he didn't judge if it were like a fling or smth but your whole life????

But honestly it's just cuz Diluc's a little unsure what the marriage will entail? Like if Kaeya's gonna move away now or he'll be too devoted to spend time (even if it annoys the hell out of him) with him

And Kaeya before reaching where Childe is reassures Diluc. Because he knows, he knows how anxious Diluc is under that cool exterior just,,,,

Maybe they share a little hug,,, just tells him everything's still going to be the same, he's just got a ring on his finger now,, pls I'm so fucking soFt

Childe 1000% cries when he sees Kaeya walking down the aisle ok like how can he be so lucky to not only woo him but also have him for the rest of his life?

He cries sm Zhongli has to pull him aside for a bit to get him composed

Kaeya cries a little too ok tf he's just umu didn't think anyone would be this into him? Like he didn't think he'd have have someone to be with for the rest of his life that loves him for him even when he's not sure who he really is i-

Their vows to each other are going to be fucking cutest ok people are gonna get touched

I think their kiss when they sign the marriage contract-

I don't want to say like marriage thingy whatever the actual tradition is because i think it's so cute that they do a whole contract w the God (former) of contracts like- shut up I'm in my feels ok let me have this

So they kiss to seal the contract and its not going to be a long kiss even though they're both so horny and sketchy no

It's going to uncharacteristically sweet and chaste. They spend most of them time looking into each other's eyes than kissing

The after party like a dinner or smth where everyone just vibes is lit tho

There's so much alcohol so much because Childe spoils his bf- 🥺🥺 husband (fuCK I'm so emotional)

Venti's about to drink to the next century

Kaeya changes to a suit after cuz wedding dress do be stuffy so

There's like fun games for everyone, good food and music! Lots of dancing and laughter a great time

And he's so handsome in the suit too!????? Childe tears up again how is this man his husband tf

You'd think Kaeya's gonna get black out drunk and Childe's gonna start fights for fun but no they're uncharacteristically soft ok just let them take in everything and that they're husbands

Plspls them chilling in the corner of the room watching everyone and they're sorta just cuddle up and holding hands fingers tracing over their wedding rings

Lumine and Aether has to be the one to tell them to go dance and enjoy the wedding party they planned

Them being called out HAHAHA you can be soft for the rest of you life but you only get one (1) wedding like go???

They end up dancing and drinking til they're a little tipsy too just over all a good time uwu

I know y'all are really here for spicy hcs so i will provide some

Wedding night sex is a guarantee

Kaeya prepped cute white lingerie already

It's also honestly surprisingly sweet? Them just taking their time with each other and lots of loving kisses and tender touches

A lot of compliments and praise from Childe to Kaeya and Kaeya being equally as soft

He's telling Childe how much he loves him and how grateful he is for him, how happy he feels

Also Childe 100% wants Kaeya to call him his husband during

Bonus if its "my husband"

Childe calls him "my wife" or "my husband" in Snezhnayan

Kaeya laughs at him because Childe's still a little possessive even though they're bound by a contract now when Childe sucks a hickey onto Kaeya's ring finger

Childe's like pouting because of it but Kaeya bites hard enough to scar Childe's ring finger in return because lowkey Kaeya's possessive too

They're just,,, soft right now ok do noT SEpErATe

They'll go at it for like a good few hours or if they're extra Soft™ they'll only have rough sex again in like 3 - 5 business days

Them just basking in each other's love after like wow this is real and they're here w each other