#and like does not mention the actual people who have been getting put into concentration camps since the obama admin

[dvasva]

not to like get upset but i have noticed yall, white trans people, seem to be in a doom spiral afraid of being picked up and murdered or put into camps. and i mean valid, its ok to be scared rn. but... A lot of you are silent about black and brown hispanic and indigenous people currently, actively (and even going back a decade during past administrations) getting killed or picked up and literally brought who the fuck knows where, sometimes sent to literal camps, or if you do say something its 'this could be us next' and thats actually really shitty. Stop doing that. Thats super shitty. i say this as a hispanic trans person, we are not the warning siren for people to rush to your protection. harm to our community isnt the spurring force so people start protecting yours. thats really such a shitty outlook, and i know it stems from anxiety, but its so incredibly tone deaf and self centered.

[kedreeva]

Okay so, I don't think I've spoken of the saga here yet but! Gather round. I shall tell you a long story about the bird I just acquired and why she is VERY IMPORTANT.

At the beginning of last fall, I started looking into quail genetics a little more, because I got tired of not being able to sex my Celadon quail by their feathers. Originally I thought I could kill 2 birds (ok maybe more) with 1 stone and order nice jumbo wild type (which MANY places advertised as wild type jumbo) hatching eggs, and this would help me put some size on the Celadons (jumbo) while also making them feather sexable (wild type). Perfect!

But then I come to find out that pretty much all jumbo lines are jumbo BROWNS, as in they all have the sex linked brown (SLB) gene. So, I was a little confused and a LOT annoyed because I wanted to work specifically with the wild type color/pattern. No mutations just straight, plain wild type.

And EVERYWHERE I looked - major production hatcheries, private breeders through websites, Facebook groups, local swaps, craigslist, e v e r y w h e r e -

People ONLY had SLB.

This spring I came across a video showing about the differences between SLB and wild type and I figured if the person who made it can tell, maybe she will have some. So I looked her up (not in a stalker way, her farm name was stamped on the video and took me to the website), and what luck! She was in Michigan! Upper Michigan, so still a hike, but not California, y'know?

So I shot her an email and explained that I was looking for WT and that her site said she bred them and that people could do local pickup. She responded yeah she's totally got a bunch! And I said great, I'm also in Michigan, albeit far away, but I don't mind driving 7+ hours each way, because I really need actual, trusted WT for sure birds for my celadon project, can I come pick them up?

Cue the most frankly bizarre email chain in my short life. As soon as I mentioned that I was going to drive, or perhaps that I had a genetics plan in place, she got super sketchy and started saying how she hadn't really paid as close attention to SLB vs. WT, that it mattered less than she thought it would when she started, that I shouldn't focus on that either, and also that "fawn celadon is practically unheard of" in the hobby and "you should focus on a clean Tibetan because it's hard to find without roux in it) implying that I should concentrate on those things instead. And concluded by telling me if I really want WT, to contact this other person (why happens to be someone I can't stand). It all sounded VERY much like she didn't have wild type males, after all, and had thought I didn't know the difference so it wouldn't actually matter. But, it does. It actually matters a lot to me.

So I messaged back to say, well, I don't want to do any of those things, I specifically want to work with this set of genetics and you said you have them so I shouldn't have to go to anyone else??

And then she went radio silent for a week. I kind of figured I'd called a bluff, and that she was one of dozens of people I'd contacted who'd said they had WT only to find out they had SLB. I get that it's difficult to see the difference, but this particular person was the president of the American Coturnix Breeders Association or whatever (found out it's actually just a club formed by her and her friends a year ago, so not as impressive as it sounds, considering they don't actually DO anything- no putting on shows, no newsletters, no certifications, no public breeder directory, no finished SOP, nada), so I kind of expected she should know what she's talking about, if anyone does.

Eventually, after a week, she responded that she had been judging at a county fair, but she had a few heterozygous males (WT het roux, which is fine) and she could set a hatch for me for more if I wanted to come at the end of the month, but she's in WI now, not MI. I said sure, since where she was in WI was actually closer than where she'd been in the UP, and we arranged date/time.

The day of, my neighbor friend, Jude, comes with me for company/keeping me awake through the 15 hours driving round trip. It's a pleasant enough drive. We arrived at a cutesy little house on the edge of town that looks like anyone's house in a neighborhood, with a spacious lawn. The person meets us and takes me around the side of the house to a 6x6x1.5 or so chicken tractor, where she's got some male coturnix. She pulls the available males for me to look through and... fam, they ALL looked SLB, to me.

Now, she swore to me up and down that they couldn't be anything except WT het for roux, because of the way she is breeding them. But I've put these birds next to my SLB males and if I didn't have my males banded, I would not ever have told the difference between them. I still picked up 4 of them, because I will give it a go- worst case, I can produce plain Roux hens/plain Roux males for use in breeding later, best case they do actually produce WT hens and they just LOOK SLB and I have to figure out what the differences are. I don't want to leave without seeing her hens, which she has told me are all WT (which is why the males HAVE to be het for it), and she takes me back. Now the hens, the hens are easy to see the difference. White bellies first of all, but the chest feathers are also wildly different! The shafts are white, the dot around the shaft is dark, ringed in red, ringed in white. On an SLB, the shafts aren't white, it's just a black dot surrounded in a red feather, and the belly is all red/buff/cream, not white.

This is what an SLB hen looks like:

So I take a nice long look to memorize the color, and thank her for showing me and meeting, and we head back home.

I do fecals when I get home because all of the males are VERY thin, no meat on them at all, and since she said she'd been feeding Purina (garbage for fowl feeds), I figured that was why, but no- HUGE coccidia loads in all of them. So I treated them and got them on a better feed. They immediately began putting on meat, and they're find now.

The rest of this summer, I have spent going to local bird swaps and inspecting all of the quail I could find, hoping to find one (1) actual wild-type phenotype bird. Hundreds and hundreds of birds, I have pawed through them all, being super obnoxious to the owners I'm sure, holding and inspecting males. I found ONE suspected WT male (and this is a HUGE "suspected," he could very well be SLB with low red expression). I compared him when I got home and I'm doubting myself still, so I don't know if I will ever actually pair him with the SLB hens or if I'll just wait til I have a roux set.

Regardless, it's been a dry season for getting what I want. It's been a dry YEAR. Yesterday was another swap and more hundreds of quail and me pawing through all of them.

Until.

My eyes landed upon.... her.

If you've only lived in an area that has american crows and not ravens, you find yourself wondering if crows are ravens. You see a big crow and you think wow! maybe that is a raven! It could be a crow, but it's seems bigger so maybe it's a raven. But, if you take a trip to a place with ravens, and you see one for the first time, you realize that there is no question, when you see a raven. When you see a raven in person, there's no question and not only is there no question, you wonder how you could ever have thought a crow was a raven. It's laughable, while looking at the raven.

That's how finding this bird felt. I'd been picking up every SLB hen and going maybe this is actually WT? It could be SLB but maybe it's WT? But the second I laid eyes on her in the middle of a pack of SLB with some mixed colors, I knew I was looking at WT hen, and I can't imagine how I ever thought maybe an SLB hen was WT.

Here's a better photo of her chest and belly (she's beat UP from her previous home, the back of her head and most of her rump are plucked clean from males). You can see the white shafts and the white belly.

And some other pics of her, showing the grey-brown on her side and back- VERY different than the SLB hens

I can't express how stoked I am about this bird. This is the first time after a LOT of effort and time, that I have felt confident I am holding the bird I want.

She's also the indicator that I have a LOT of work ahead of me.

My end goal is to have birds that look like her, weigh 12-14oz, and lay large, blue eggs. I have birds that lay large, blue eggs, I have birds that weigh 12-14oz live weigh, and now I have at least 1 bird that looks like her, which means I can make more that look like her. The first step is cleaning the color mutations out of the celadon line without losing the celadon eggs. This is going to be a bit of a nightmare, BUT, I have a friend helping me out with getting a few celadons that are either WT or SLB (I'm guessing SLB all things considered) to start the work with. I will work over the winter to get a few more actual WT birds here, and to start crossing out the celadons with the SLB jumbos to clean out the other feather color mutations. Once I'm down to just SLB and celadon for mutations, I can clean the SLB out with the WT and roux lines.

This project will likely take me a good 2 years, maybe 3, to complete and then test breed to ensure I haven't lost the celadon gene and I don't have any hidden recessives lingering about. But just having the fucking materials to do it all on hand now is a huge step forward from where I was when I decided to start the project.

[ssa-atlas-alvez]

Hope, you are having a good day/night?

I don't know if this is your thing or not?

BAU Team x Male reader (who is hiding a pretty big secret) they get a case where people are killed either with silver bullets or wolf's bane but only some are different like the unsub took trophies the way a hunter would (teeth,claws, some even skinned which was even weirder) reader is the only one who knows what's going on because he's been on the run from people like them hunter! What happened when the team find out his secret? Does he get captured by the people he's been running from? The people that have caused him so much pain/anger/anxiety over the years?

Hiya! This has been in my inbox for so long, I'm so sorry! I took it in a slightly different direction but hope you like it nonetheless!

Also, disclaimer, werewolf knowledge is from the tv show teen wolf lol

Warnings: mentions of murder and taking trophies

This wasn’t good. Not good at all. It was clearly the work of a hunter. A dozen werewolves had been killed in less than two weeks. You had spent your life trying to run from people like them, and here they were. The team could sense your unease, but no one commented.

Each victim was missing a tooth, a canine. Each victim had been killed with a silver bullet to the heart. The teeth were removed after death, the only wound on their bodies being that of the bullet wound. It meant the hunter was mission oriented. It was unnerving. It wasn’t like these people had killed anyone – werewolves very rarely do.

And now, instead of running, you had to go towards the danger. You knew it would probably be fine, the likelihood of the hunter finding out you were also a werewolf was slim to none, but that did little to soothe the anxiety. You couldn’t exactly tell the team – one, they would think you were actually insane, and two, it would just put them in danger.

It wasn’t until the next body that turned up, that Hotch took you to the side. “Whatever you know, you need to tell me.”

“Hotch-“

“(Y/N). I’m sure you have your reasons for keeping it to yourself, but we need to know.”

You study Hotch closely for a moment. “The unsub’s a hunter.”

“We know he hunts his victims like a hunter-“

“No, Hotch. An actual hunter.” You said. “You’re going to think I’m insane for this, but he’s hunting werewolves.”

“Werewolves?”

“Yeah.” You said, watching him closely, waiting for him to laugh, brush you off, or tell you to get a psych eval.

“Prove it.” Is all he says, which you were obviously expecting him to.

You debate internally for a few seconds, trying to figure out if this was really something you wanted to reveal about yourself. You sigh, looking at Hotch, concentrating for a moment and letting your eyes flash yellow

“Holy-“ Hotch takes a step closer, getting a better look at your eyes. “You’re a-?”

“Yeah.” You said.

“Wow…” He said, “For how long?”

“Birth,” You said, giving a small shrug. “For the most part, it runs in families.”

“How so?”

You pause, trying to think of the best way of putting it, letting your eyes return to normal. “It just is. Either you get bitten or your born with it. But one of your parents have to be one.”

“Which one of yours?”

“Both.” You said with a small grin.

“So this hunter, he’s not the only one?”

“No, there’s a lot of them. Hundreds, at least.” You said, “Using silver to get the job done.”

“The silver thing’s actually true?”

You nod, “Yep, and wolf’s bane.” You paused, “You’re not going to try and kill me now, are you?”

Hotch gave a small snort, “No, don’t worry.” He rolled his eyes slightly, “Wait, is that why we found wolf hairs on the bodies?”

“Yeah.” You answer, watching him debate asking a question. “Go for it.”

“If this hunter shoots you with a silver bullet…”

“Oh, I’m gone for.” You said, “Like gone, gone.”

Rolling his eyes slightly, Hotch asked his next question: “Do you, like, turn into a wolf every full moon?”

“That’s a complicated question. It can technically happen any time emotions are high if I don’t, like, control it or whatever. But it’s harder to control on full moons, like I’ll get snappy and agitated. But it always feels better to turn on a full moon – even if it’s just for a little bit.”

“So when Morgan won that arm wrestle…”

“I had to let him have something,” You grinned.

[meowuff]

This is my first actual post on Tumblr ever so pls bear with me. Also, English is not my first language so pls excuse any mistakes I make :)

So, this whole thing here started just as a joke bc I was curious if anyone else was feeling constantly tired all day no matter how long I sleep. But it all somehow escalated a bit and I may have started hyperfixating on it so well, now it actually became a little survey.

I also wanted to mention that I only asked the artist in my little Tumblr bubble, which is mostly tmnt content, so my results are mostly referring to tmnt artists.

In total, I asked 143 people if they could remember the last time they woke up and just felt actually rested for more than half of the day.

I probably could have been more specific with my question but again, I did not actually planned to let it become so big. Personally, for me being rested means, having a clear head, no headache or foggy mind without consuming any caffeine.

So out of 143 people, 100 answered me and I tried my best to sort all of the answers after the criteria “good-sleep-schedule” and “bad-sleep-schedule” and also noted when exactly they last felt actually rested into either the last days, weeks, months, years or “???” when they couldn’t remember or didn’t mention anything specific.

And let’s just say… it does not really look good. Out of 100 people, only 18 have an actual good sleep schedule. Out of these 18 people, 13 felt really rested in the last days, 2 in the last weeks, only one person in the last months and 2 in the last years.

Out of the 82 of people who have a bad sleep schedule, 10% lastly felt rested in the last days, 11% in the last weeks, 11% in the last months, 30% in the last years, and 38% couldn’t remember or didn’t specify it.

While reading all your answers I came to realize being sleep deprived is not just bc any of them thought “Oh it would be really neat to stay up till 4 am!” or smth like that.

A lot of the artists who answered me mentioned that they have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep due to stuff like insomnia, chronic pain, other issues, or children (yeah, ok, there was just one who had a child but still).

While analyzing I mostly referred the situations to my own experience with going to sleep or rather not going to sleep...

I usually don’t have problems falling asleep but trouble actually putting my stuff away and going to bed bc I don’t want to end the day or just don’t want to go to sleep (don’t ask why, I have no idea why I am like this). While having these “episodes” I often doodle smth, binge reading some fanfics, or watch whatever I can find on the internet until I’m just falling asleep or can convince myself that it is 3 am and I really should go to bed now.

So, my personal theory about why sleep deprivation is so common among Tumblr artists is not bc they do art all night. My theory is that a lot of people who have trouble falling asleep due to insomnia, pain, or other issues are filling the time until they hopefully fall asleep with their art, doodles, writings, or whatever their creative minds can bring up, to help the time pass.

In total that would mean that not all artists are sleep deprived but more that a lot of people who have trouble falling asleep do a lot of art or creative stuff in general.

Something I could also imagine is, that if they start doing art while waiting for sleep, they start to concentrate a lot on creating more and start procrastinating sleep even if they actually get tired bc they wanna do art and fuck up their non-existing sleep schedule even more but that could also just be me projecting here.

I know that is probably no kind of big revelation but for me it was kind of surprising to see how many people here are as sleep deprived as me and due to what reasons.

I’m not going to preach to any of you to get that problem solved or smth, I have no right to tell you what to do and would be a major hypocrite so instead I really which everyone to get some kind of good sleep schedule one day and the joy of waking up and feeling completely rested at least thrice per week.

I absolutely love all your art and thank you a thousand times for helping me with this spontaneous survey!

I would love to hear your opinions on my theory and conclusion so pls don’t be shy and feel free to point out any mistakes I may have made or tell me your own theories :D

Also, if my question is still sitting in your inbox, feel free to answer! I’m gonna keep ma big ass excel table so I can edit all the results anytime. And maybe, one day, I'm gonna continue this survey and go into more detail but for now I need to leave it like this.

Ok, that's all I got

BYE!

Thanks to all participants

@abbeyofcyn @angelpuns @beannary @bulbabutt @camilieroart @cementgeek @cheesyescapade @cokowiii @easterartist @frosteaart @gemini-forest @happyfoxx-art @heckitall @hellishgayliath @holy-sweetsour-milk @icepopcider @idiot-mushroom @iscreamkitty @kovalitics @laseralligator @lieutenantbiscute @matchstique @mightyanxiety @miiukkaa @mr-doodles @pezhead @probably-not-a-rutabaga @pumpkster @sad-leon @sassatello @sewercrocodileart @sheep-turtles-and-pizza @signanothername @spectra-bear @stephuart @tangledinink @tapakah0 @tasenwiththerobots @tblsomedoodles @thegunnsara @triona-tribblescore @turrondeluxe @valen-timez @vangh17a @wraenata @zinovi768 @debb987 @dianagj-art @goatedgreen @indieyuugure

[lillotte17]

This might be kinda stream of consciousness but I am deep in hyperfixation mode and I yammered on for like 2 hours to unsuspecting victims friends who hadn't played the game and surprisingly made myself feed kind of better about The Varric Thing in the process, so I want to see if I can get it down coherently somewhere...

I am still disappointed that they killed him the way that they did. Let's just get that out of the way. I don't think it was a satisfying ending for his character. Not to mention Epler coming out and admitting verbatim that I was correct in my earlier assumption that they literally only chose to kill him to make people hate Solas. So, you know, trying to get me to hate my favorite character by making him kill one of my other favorite characters. Thanks. Real two for one special as a fan.

But anyway, Varric is dead. And Solas uses his visage to talk to Rook outside of his Time Out Box, which Epler says (with what seems to be a typical lack of insight) that Solas does this to 'keep Rook off balance, but the Fade had other ideas.' (paraphrasing) ...Right. Solas didn't know how the Fade would react to his mind magic. SOLAS. Didn't understand how the FADE works. Inside the LIGHTHOUSE. You know, the part of the Fade HE BUILT.

*rolls eyes so hard I can see Andraste*

I wish we got more information about the limitations of what Solas can actually do with this power, and how it actually works. There wasn't really a point in the game where it made sense to explain it to us, but... Yeah. The best I can tell, I think the Varric we see is mostly Rook's memory of him, and what they expect to see and hear from Varric. He's a wish. Of course Solas' memory of Varric is in there too, and he is also controlling the dialogue that happens. Solas was (and in some ways still is) a spirit, and he reflects what people expect to see in him, and this seems to continue even as he's masquerading as someone else. His version of Varric is almost Too Nice, tbh. He does not Bitch nearly enough. And I think that's because it's just...not what Rook wants or needs to hear. Solas is being Your Good Friend Varric, who never gets mad, and always wants to listen to you, so you will trust him and Tell Him Things.

Which, the knee-jerk reaction to this (as intended) is: That's Fucked Up!

And...yeah. It is.

But then I started thinking about what Solas COULD have been doing with this power. He actually tells us in the game that he has done this to people before. He spent 12 years fucking with a warlord's head so that he heard nothing but laughter. The first time I heard that, I was thinking like...a whisper campaign spreading embarrassing stories, but if you listen to how he phrases the explanation, he says that literally EVERY sound he heard became laughter. That is mind manipulation babeyyy! He is a Dreamer! He can murder people in their sleep and make them see anything he wants them to see in the Fade. You know, where Rook and Co. are living. He clearly has restrictions on this power from being in his Time Out Box, but his connection to Rook is WAY stronger than he acts like it is.

If you can make someone see things that aren't there, you can pretty much manipulate them into doing anything. You can terrorize them with their worst fears. You can isolate them by making it seem like their friends and love ones hate them. Heck, you can just make sounds and lights that interrupt their sleep constantly, and that alone will eventually break someone's mind.

Solas needs Rook to bust him out of jail. He also needs them to Not Die, so that they CAN bust him out of jail. He knows Rook will not take his support (or even most of his advice) as the Dread Wolf. So, he puts on a Varric mask, and becomes their friend. Which seems like it must take a lot of concentration and power on his end. He has Varric take a lot of sudden naps. But still. He is their friend, their mentor, the kind voice who always tells Rook that they are capable and the right person for the job. I wish the game had leaned into this more, actually. That Rook could REALLY lean on Varric in times of distress, and Varric would talk them down, so when you got to the end you're not just mad that you got tricked, but you are ALSO sitting with the fact that like...the only reason Rook was keeping their shit together was because SOLAS took up Varric's mantle as your guide and your emotional support.

That you had to deal with the fact that Solas is both Fen'Harel the God of Lies, AND the voice of kindness and Wisdom guiding you through your perils.

Because THAT is Good Soup. THAT is the moral grey goodness that so much of the game sanitized. Because the idea that Solas did something Fucked Up, but it's also the only reason you won, is kind of his Whole Deal. That's the WHOLE POINT. That he is Wisdom AND Pride. He's a loyal friend AND a lying liar who lies. That the healer has the bloodiest hands, and sometimes the only way to save the world is by being kind of an asshole.

And I don't really feel like there is a place for Rook to really come to that realization. Which is disappointing. And possibly intentional. Ugh.

[oonajaeadira]

Detected

Fandom: Merge Mansion / Tim Rockford

Pairing: Tim Rockford x f!reader

Reader: Adult female. No other physical descriptors; no use of y/n.

Rating: T. Fluff.

Warnings: Mention of serial killer that targets women.

Summary: Nobody sees you the way Tim does.

A/N: I dunno, I just had a hankering to write for Tim and looked down my list of tropes thinking I might be able to scratch the itch and accomplish a fic for my Year of Tropes at the same time. Something hit me in the right places for a little piece of sweetness, so here we go, with SECRET IDENTITY.

This is really fluffy. Like stupid fluffy. Moreso than my regular stuff. Just let me have my little trope. This one didn't go through a lot of draft revisions, it was just a fun little thot that needed out.

“Why don’t you take the afternoon off, Sunshine? Get some rest. You’ve been here ten days straight.”

Tim’s the only detective in the unit who talks to you directly, certainly the only one that doesn’t just call you ‘hon’ or ‘sweetheart’ or ‘girl.’ You’re pretty sure he’s probably the only one in the department that knows your name, but he rarely uses it. 

That isn’t unusual. You’ve always been the quiet one, the mouse, the wallflower. It’s your superpower, being able to go unnoticed. You’ve never been reprimanded, never bad-talked, never held up as a bad example.

But then, neither do you often find yourself praised or called in for opinion. Never once have you been asked to join anyone for happy hour or coffee.

So many times you’ve been standing in a meeting room and not once been addressed. So many times you’ve overheard something that perhaps you shouldn’t have just because you were below anyone’s notice.

It bothered you so much more when you were younger. Not the case anymore.

You’ve learned to love your quiet life, shuffling around the records room, carefully tagging and bagging, filling out the document cards, compiling files, taking meticulous photos of items for court cases and detective scrutiny. Nobody comes looking for you, so you get to take your time, a kind of professional meditation. At least once a week you notice a detail on a piece of evidence that you might make known to one of the team. Usually this gets you a thanks, but more often times a brush off that ends in the detective later gaining the credit for the discovery.

Tim is different. Observant. He actually listens when you bring him something of interest and asks for your opinion or your second eye. He still does that thing where he puts the pictures of people and evidence you provide up on the wall and connects it with string. He will stare at that board for hours, getting up every now and then to pace, then turning the chair around to straddle it backwards so he can lean over the back and look again, hoping to find the one connection that the string can’t touch.

And yet, even when he’s concentrating this hard, he’s fully aware of his surroundings.

So much so that he even notices you’ve slipped into the room to stand behind him--you, who goes mostly unnoticed when standing in full view of most people.

When you don’t answer him, he turns his chin back over his shoulder, his sharp profile coming into relief against the organized mess of the illuminated case wall. 

He’s so very handsome. And it’s a shame he doesn’t seem to know. Or care.

Snapping free of your musings, you finally answer. “Yeah, it’s been a busy week. I’ve still got the Murray case to document. There’s a lot of entries.”

Turning fully to look at you now, he takes his time formulating a new response. “That case is closed. There’s no hurry. You work too hard. It’s Saturday.”

You shrug and smile. “I like my job. And you're one to talk.” Nodding to the evidence wall, you step more fully into the room. “Any movement on this? Sure I can’t help you? Anything I can pull from archives?”

This is a tough one. There’s a lot of speculation as to the mangled bodies in the pictures. A new one found last night, a week old. The probability is high that there’s one club downtown that’s producing them all and a definite suspect, but the record’s clean. There’s no grounds for warrants.

He gives you one more thoughtful glance before turning back to his work. “Not unless you have anything that correlates this last one to Club 88 or to Mike Cross. But no. Thanks. Get out of here, live your life, be free. I’m gonna go grab an interview out at the pier but then I’ll be here all night.”

He’s hungry. You can see that look in his eyes, he’s close, he just needs that one connecting piece of evidence and he’ll empty the coffee pots in the breakroom tonight looking for one.

“You’re hungry, Detective Rockford. At least let me call in some takeout for you before I go? Lau’s number 22 with chicken, right?”

He simply nods. “Thanks, Sunshine.”

“You got it, Detective.”

—-

Your pager goes off two hours later.

Special case. Could use your help. Pier 13.

You’ve been waiting for the call.

Upon arriving home from the department, you’d closed your blinds and turned off the lights, pulled on the dark pants and long fitted coat, tucked your hair up under the black hood and pulled it low. Gloves. Boots. Plain and unassuming in this fall weather.

You’re able to walk out the back door of your apartment building and take a path through the alley as the sun is setting without anyone giving you a second glance.

The only piece of your disguise you truly need is the vocal changer mask, but that stays tucked in your coat pocket until you arrive at the pier.

Once you can smell the water, you take a moment to hide your face, your voice, and your identity under the dark, nondescript mask–a blank slate of void where a face should be–before stepping out of the alleys and making your way to pier 13 where Tim Rockford stands looking out over the harbor at the lights starting to come on over the bridge.

“What can I do for you, Detective?” The voice that grates out of your mask is low, warped, almost sultry.

Tim, for all his awareness, misses your entrance. This is the strength of your powers. Snapping out of his reverie, he spins to find you only feet away, your long coat fluttering in the breeze.

And an awed smile spreads across his face.

Tim is the only one on the force that smiles when you show up as the Shadow. The rest of the cops tend to startle, recoil, not understanding how you simply seem to appear out of the air, unfold from the shadows, melt into the darkness itself.

“Thanks for coming, Shadow,” he says, his trenchcoat joining in the fluttering conversation of overwear. Pulling a few pictures out of his pocket, he holds them out and you take them.

A new mangled body. A hurried photo of a man with light skin and dark hair and blue eyes. A blown-up scan of license plate. You recognize them from his evidence board but say nothing, letting him make the request.

He explains the supposed serial killings, the patterns, the suspect, the license plate that isn’t his but was caught on surveillance near a couple of the dumping grounds.

“I’m pretty sure it’s him,” he concludes, poking at the photo of Mike Cross, “but I’m lacking something damming.”

“You mean you're 100% sure it's him. You're a thorough man; wouldn't just jump to conclusions. And you want me to go hunting.”

“I’d rather you just go take a listen. I don’t really want you to put yourself in danger.”

It’s a good thing he can’t see you smile. Trust Tim Rockford to be the one detective that worries about the safety of the city’s resident secret, pacifist vigilante. 

“I’m touched by your concern, Detective. But I haven’t been caught yet. Even if danger catches a glimpse of me, I’m very good at hiding.”

“I know. But it’s only a matter of time before somebody really sees you.” He smiles a little sadly. “I wish you wouldn’t hide from me. But I know why you do.”

It should be surprising–it’s not like him to cross this line–but instead, his statement warms you. Tim has always been grateful for the Shadow’s help, respectful, believed in your ability. But he’s also come to treat the Shadow as a friend. There’s something that tugs at your heart, knowing this dedicated, handsome, intelligent man truly trusts you but also respects and admires your limitations.

If only he knew how much you wish you could tell him, show him, let him know how much you admire him too.

He only blinks when you seem to melt into thin air, becoming one with the lengthening shadows.

_____

Club 88. The back alley. A black car belonging to Mike Cross. Nobody here to notice you but the rats as you duck around the back and inspect the bumper, find a magnetized plate cover hidden underneath that matches the photo in your pocket.

There’s the connection. Now for something that threads the needle.

_____

Maskless and hatless, you simply take up a serving tray and follow Mike Cross and a young pretty thing through the swinging “employees only” door and down a back corridor of the dark, thumping night club. Making yourself busy with empty bottles on the tray, you watch him pay a man and step into a private room with the girl. The man goes to find something else to do, nearly knocking your shoulder as he passes, as if you’re simply a tower of inventory boxes or a rogue tray of dirty dishes…or just some random hostess he doesn’t have time for.

Easy.

You’re able to enter the dimmed room under the guise of bringing in bottle service. The couple doesn’t even notice you while they make out on the couch in the VIP lounge. You simply dip your hand into the pocket of the jacket he’s left on a chair and lift his wallet. 

Might as well take the gun that’s there too. Just in case.

Time to get moving while he’s distracted.

_____

Using the address on the ID in his wallet, you make your way across town.

It’s easy enough to slip past the doorman. Unfortunately though, Mike’s apartment building has security cameras on every floor. This calls for a little distraction. Easy enough. All you need is the pad of paper and pen you carry in your pocket.

Knock on door 312. Explain you’re responding to a noise complaint in apartment 313. There is no apartment 313? That’s odd. Maybe it was apartment 311? 

When the occupants of 311 and 312 speculate over the possibilities–which apartment was the loud one? Who called in the complaint? They bet it was 211 down there, what a bitch….

It’s just enough time for you to use your jiggler key to work open the lock for Mike’s apartment and slip inside. Not only have they seemed to forgotten about you, but if anyone ever plays back the security tapes, their eyes will just slide right over you and concentrate on the gossiping neighbors in the hall.

Mike’s apartment is clean and sparse. By the looks of the set up of the living room, he likes to sit in the center of the couch, put his feet up on the coffee table while he drinks his beer (water ring stains on the veneer top) and watches tv. Not much on the walls. Books on the bookshelf, but no knicknacks.

You don’t know what you’re looking for yet, but you’ll know it when you find it.

There are a few places you start. The drawers in the kitchen. The freezer. The bedside table. Shelves in the closet. Medicine cabinet. Somewhere you'd stash something unassuming but precious but that you don't want anyone else to come across and ask questions.

But it’s as you pass back out through the bedroom, and lightly push the door open a bit wider that you hear a clinking and tapping on the other side.

There, hanging off a hook on the back of the bedroom door, is a silver chain.

With five women’s rings on it.

Yahtzee.

You snap a few photos with your phone before moving through the apartment again, looking for anything else, just in case your first instincts were wrong.

But your instincts are very rarely wrong.

Criminals love trophies. Little keepsakes of their thrills. Look for a collection of something that seems out of place and you’ve probably found your clue.

You’re just about to call it good and head out when you hear a key turning in the lock.

No need to panic, you’ve got this.

As Mike enters and kicks off his shoes before making his way to the bathroom, all you have to do is stand silently beside the far side of the bookshelf.

He doesn’t even turn on the light. Even easier.

Once the bathroom door closes, you’re able to silently slip out.

���It’s only a matter of time before somebody really sees you.”

Doubtful, Tim. But I wish I could tell you how sweet your concern is.

____

True to form, Tim’s is one of the only lights burning at the office when you slide through the department well after midnight.

It’s not often that you show up here as the Shadow, but you make sure it’s only at night when most of the lights are out. Even if you’re seen engaging with one of them, the detectives all know to look the other way and not to ask questions when someone on the force has requested your services. 

They see nothing, and say less.

When you get to the back offices, you have to stop for a moment in the shadows and take in the scene.

Tim’s here in the dim room, standing at a desk full of evidence bags. The one with the knife in it lays on a lightbox, the glow of which reaches up to caress his face, dragging at his cheeks and the bags under his eyes, his brow and bottom lip succumbing to the pull of contemplation.

You have to wonder if the detective has any joys outside of his work, if he reads or paints, if he’s into woodworking or collecting memorabilia. You often find yourself wishing you had the means to learn more about him and find yourself watching him from across the office as if you could read it in the stretch of his aching neck, in the hunch of his gun-holstered shoulders. 

But you’ve grown used to your quiet life. You wouldn’t know what to do with yourself if someone else actually paid you enough attention to let you into their life–

“What have you got for me?” he asks, and you flinch. He hadn’t even turned around.

“Plenty," you rasp through the voice modulator. "How did you know I was here?”

“I always notice you,” he says. “And I could ask you the same thing.”

“Where else would you be?”

“I have a home.”

“Do you ever go there?”

He laughs and finally turns. “Yeah, not lately.”

Emerging from the darkness, you hand him a few photos you ran off from your phone at home, knowing he'd appreciate the analog. There's the plate cover. The ID. The chain of rings. You also hand over the gun you pinched. “Just in case you need to run a match on any casings.”

It’s here that Tim’s look grows sour. “You took this off him?” Then he tilts his head, scanning the photos. “This one…taken inside his house?”

“Yes. Most likely a collection of his trophies–”

“You went into his house??”

His intensity stops you. Something’s….wrong. “It was necessary. I wasn’t seen.”

“I told you, nothing dangerous. What if he’d come home?”

“He did.” This gains an unprecedented look of alarm from the otherwise calm and calculated man. “I told you, Detective, I wasn’t seen. I never am. That’s what I do.”

“That’s not the point, Sunshine. He murders women and dumps their bodies. This is different from the drug smugglers and counterfeit runners you usually surveil…”

He stops, registering what he just said only a couple of seconds after you do, a calm sigh of regret washing over him before being replaced by the bloom of concern.

You could choose to ignore it.

But it's useless. Tim would never let an assumption take hold as truth unless he had absolute proof. He’s the best. The best of the best and doesn’t even know it. So long you’ve wished to tell him, to make him see what you see in him, but it would mean opening yourself, becoming visible, being seen.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. This is your superpower, this anonymity, this blurring at the edges, this void of connection…

And you should back away when he approaches.

But you don't want to. 

Nor do you dodge as he slowly reaches up to remove your mask. Your hood. Fits his palm to your jaw and runs the length of a cheekbone with his thumb. “It doesn’t work on everyone, Sunshine. Not if they really want to see you.”

As his warm, weary brown eyes find yours, two thick, generous tears spill down your cheeks, two surprising hot spikes of your heart right there on your face. It’s like being thrust underwater without the chance to take a breath, the panic of suddenly being the center of someone’s attention, and you gasp for air only to release a sob, slapping both hands to your face in embarrassment.

Tim doesn’t pry your hands away, he merely runs a knuckle over one as if to say, hey, you’re still hiding.

And you realize that you are.

When you finally don’t have to be.

When you lower your guard, he’s waiting there patiently to welcome you back.

“You okay?” he asks, handing you a napkin for your tears.

Nodding, you take it and use it quietly before swallowing, trying to steady a voice out in the open. “What now?”

He looks pointedly over at his desk and gestures for you to head over there. “I thought maybe we’d start with dinner. I figured you'd come by.”

There are two Chinese takeout boxes on the blotter, both bearing a code in black ink. 

22C. His standard.

Lucky13. Your favorite. With the sauces on the side, just like you like it.

Speechless, you look at him in awe. You do see me.

And he tucks his hands in his pockets, softening back at you with a look that can only be described as Yeah.

_____

In the following days you’re able to hunt down photos of the killer’s victims that clearly display their hands and the rings that you found in his apartment.

Undercover targets are planted in the club to entice Mike Cross, and sure enough, he takes one to the back room, pays for privacy, extra for a later cleanup, but gets caught with his fingers around her throat as a whole squad breaks down the door to take him into custody.

There’s no doubt he will never see the outside of a prison again.

Club 88 is shut down and a long investigation into its ownership and practices begin. The Shadow is called in by the investigating team for your fly-on-the-wall services and at first you’re afraid that perhaps, now that you’ve been seen, that the shine of your powers has dimmed or–to be more precise–a newfound confidence makes you even brighter than before.

On the contrary, you’ve never felt more powerful or more in control of your abilities. 

Perhaps because the one person who can detect your sunshine also pours pride into your shadow.

Or maybe it’s the regular diet of Lucky Number 13 and a new morning view these days. Who’s to say?

____

MASTERLIST

CHARACTER MASTERLIST

[philtstone]

ok so originally i tacked this on as a rb to this post abt shawn spencers true calling as a stay at home girldad but then i decided its my blog i can do what i want so im making it its own post. obligatory disclaimer, i love the movies, this is not a dig at their choices, etc etc. anyway. i need to lay out my Vision to the people in a formal capacity

shawn needs a baby because psych was his baby

hear me out

i wont get into like, the thematic/narrative reasons why shawn and jules should have a kid to subvert their mutual Fear of Becoming Their Parents growth, bc that's a whole other dimension that requires its own post. i wont even mention how many times shawn talks about wanting kids in general. but purely based on the narrative role that psych as an agency played in shawn & gus's lives:

psych starts out as shawn and gus embarking on this big adventure that's an actualization of their childhood dreams. from the get go, gus has a day job; psych is an initially just fun, then great and meaningful thing he does in addition to that day job. on the other hand, psych is shawn's main Thing. it's his only real outlet (if we don't count the random 2-day long jobs he does for the bit) and full concentration point for all his energy, creativity, caring, and altruistic impulses. its the first time in his life he's ever committed to a job -- responsibility, long-haul endeavor, whatever -- that uses his skills, intelligence, and compassion in any kind of lasting way.

over the course of the show, shawn and gus's relationship to psych shifts and changes, and it becomes increasingly evident that shawn's personal relationship to psych is a representation of selfless versus selfish motivation within him. as he matures, he's less inclined to use it as a way to prove himself or show off or mask his personal insecurities/arrogance. he becomes more overtly reliant on it as what it was meant to be along: a way for him to help others.

obviously, the boys' evolving relationship with each other, shawns evolving relationship with juliet, and, critically, shawns evolving relationship with his dad are all key mediating variables in his maturation and subsequently his relationship with the business. parallel themes of commitment and responsibility -- shawn proving to his dad that he can be genuinely responsible for something as big as other peoples' well being and shawn proving to juliet that he's capable of committing to her long term -- run and grow here. imo a point where u really see all this exemplified is his willingness to give psych up to earn back juliet's trust in s7.

through all of this, gus still has a day job. that's not to say psych isn't also a hugely important part of his life and key factor in his own growth and maturation, but it's not the focus of his whole life, because gus has always operated with relative (relative ...) moderation. the peak of gus's growth is realizing that what was most important to him all along was being able to live life with the people he loves (shawn) at his side, even if it meant everything was chaotic and messy and imbalanced all the time. his last act of maturation was leaving behind stale security to bravely dive into the sincerity-filled unknown.

shawn on the other hand is fundamentally an obsessive person who will latch onto something and put 112% effort into that thing for as long as it holds his attention, and the show demonstrates to us that very very few things have been able to hold his attention for very long -- except psych. and despite the fact that this tendency changes in his personal relationships, it never really demonstrably changes in his ... employment habits.

we arrive at the end of the show. shawn gives psych up to move to san francisco to be with juliet (again; the selflessness). gus moves with him (again; the growth). so what now?

once again, their detective work does not pay many bills, so gus has his day job. but even with all of his growth, shawn spencer is not a day job kind of guy. juliet is extremely employed, of course (no one even slightly less employed than her could be with shawn long term, employment being not necessarily literal but a spiritual state that gus, too, possesses in spades). it's here that i posit that shawn's psych replacement has to be a baby.

thematically, he's left psych behind. whether or not he does still do detective consulting work is immaterial; psych in its original form has been irrefutably outgrown. he's in a different phase of life now, one that is explicitly marked by his commitment to juliet (who incidentally is the way she is because she never had a father who put her first). if we're going to continue the story, shawn and gus need another big adventure: one that will help them grow in this phase of life just like psych helped them in the last one. given how significant shawn's healing relationship with his dad & realizing how much of who is is comes from his dad was over the course of the series, AND given how raising a child is probably one of the biggest and scariest responsibilities an adult can take on (plus see jules note above), what better great adventure for shawn and gus to embark on than fatherhood?

as with before, gus will be a pharmaceutical salesman on the side, while the more interesting, exciting, meaningful work he does is Being Dad. gus has his baby first, because unlike before, he's comfortable tackling the scary and unpredictable without reservation from the outset.

and, as with before, shawn's kid will be his whole world.

like i said: narratively, shawn does not need a another job. he needs a baby. he needs to be a part time p.i., full time stay at home dad, who is totally, delightfully, chaotically, sincerely obsessed with that kid.

do all these points lead us to believe he'll have a "balanced" approach to parenthood? no way. is this a "healthy" dynamic to have with one's child? unclear. will there be multiple catastrophes along this great journey? undoubtedly. no one ever said he doesn't still need to go to therapy. BUT. 1) shawn's always been intense. we know this. we love this! we wouldn't want to change this about him. 1b) he loves the way his dad loves, and i'd personally be really interested to see a version of that love that's been tempered by shawn's growth and has (correctly) improved on henry's parenting style while retaining the obvious love and devotion. and 2) gus and juliet are right there with him! henry did not have a gus and juliet! everything will be fine!

finally, psych is a story about learning to be brave. all of the characters are forced to learn this, in a multitude of different ways. for shawn, a lot of his fears do stem from his relationship with his dad. having a kid would be his final boss battle! and i for one believe that he can win!

idk. i just think it fits so well. shawn as a dad would be imperfect, messy, sometimes disastrous, and full of love and sincerity -- just like psych was.

has to be a girl tho. amen

[just-some-trans-nobody]

Yautja X Reader who has stretch marks

I believe someone else has written this prompt before but I've only seen one other before so I wanted to make one too as I really loved what they wrote. Recently I've been working on accepting my stretch marks and learning to love them so I feel like writing this can help me and hopefully other people too.

Warnings: talks of stretch marks, body touching, possible mention of sexual acts, incorrect description of stretch marks

If you feel I missed a warnig please comment or dm me and I will immediately add it.

Minors don't interact this isn't the blog for you!

Contains: yautja absolutely loving their partners body, worshiping their partners body, being possesive space cats, samples of a male and yautja separately but if you want to imagine their both your mates absolutely go for it, no gender specified or in mind, mostly fluff

Written on a phone sorry if it looks odd if your on some other device

-----------------------------------------

Male Yautja

When he first sees your he does a double take. He thought were scars at first and wanted to know was beast caused them. This poor man was so confused when you explained to him that they weren't scars but in fact stretch marks. You might have to spend a lot of time explaining it to him before he somewaht understands it.

Once he does though he will ask to touch them, he will start to trace them with interest. They do look very cool to him. He had no idea oohman skin did that. It honestly freaks him out a little, at forst he thought it meant you were going to burst out of your own skin, he felt silly for thinking that but with enough kisses he'll get over the foolish thought though it does still linger in the back of his mind.

If you wear clothes to bed that show off your stretch marks my goodness is he purring up a storm as he gently traces them while cuddling you. The stretch marks are greatly soft compared to his scares and it's a texture he rather likes. His oohman is so soft he can't keep his paws off them.

If you ever pull out a body safe marker and start drawing on your stretch marks to accentuate them and he sees?? He is asking. No he is BEGGING to let him trace them for you. He has the most concentrated look on his face, he hasn't even focused this hard on a hunt than he is in this moment. So focused on tracing each little stretch mark. Oh boy if you put your hand on his head like he works it's purr city, he's vibrating like crazy he can hardly hold the marker still.

He is in heaven, if he had a phone it would be filled with pictures of you and your stretch marks. He's never seen anything as beautiful as your before. Your mate is torn though, he wants to show you off to everyone that he has the most amazing mate in the whole universe, but he also wants to keep you all to himself and be the only one who gets to see this amazing part of you. Which one your comfortable with is what he's doing, he never wants to make his little mate uncomfortable.

Will kiss each stretch mark of you let him, please let him he will die of joy of you do.

Female Yautja

Stretch marks? No those are life battle scars.

She knows what they are and stops you when you try to correct her. To her their gained only from living each day so in her mind their your beautiful scars gained from the great battle of life and she's so proud of you.

You could have gotten them from gaining weight, giving birth, working out, absolutely anything she loves each one.

If you have them on your hips or thighs and she sees you with no pants on, she's walking up behind and grabs your hips or thighs rubbing them lightly. She'll have a proid smile on her face as she admires her mate.

She will ask if she can rub oils into them, she has lots of diffrent oils and lotions she takes skin care very serious and wants you too as well. Actually she just wants to touch you but hey if she gets to rub oils into you that's just a bonus.

If anyone ever says something even slightly negative about you or your stretch marks their gone, no ones seeing them ever again. Poof. No one insults her mate. She's flair her mandibles angrily at them first bit later after you've gone to sleep she'll slip out to go deal with the trash.

No doubt if she lives with you she'll hide your clothes. If you have stretch marks on your legs you'll find all your pants suddenly missing, or your shirt if you have them on your shoulders or chest. She'll deny it at first before eventually giving you your clothes back. May or may not keep a shirt though so she can sniff it when she's away.

You have stretch marks on your inner thighs? She wants a closer look, you should totally wrap them around her head so she can get that close look please. May do grabby hands if she's feelimg needy about it. Your comfy and she loves holding you can you blame her for wanting to cuddle you after a hard day? No promises that she won't playfully nip at your thighs.

[gracefulserpent1207]

I feel like people are forgetting that the SAG AFTRA strikes were not JUST about getting better pay for actors and writers. Another very big benefit of the strikes, that is more overlooked than people care to admit, is protection against AI.

The reason why people overlook the damage that AI does to actors (including voice actors) and writers (as well as many others) is because people just aren't educated enough on it and this is because it is being advertised to be this amazing, technological advancement that will save the economy when it's actually the complete opposite. AI is damaging the economy because it is putting so many people out of jobs. Not to mention the fact that strikes are usually concentrated around getting better pay for people, so when uneducated people hear about the SAG AFTRA strikes, they tend to assume that it's because the actors/writers that are striking are just asking for more money (which they ARE doing and which they have the right to do because the pay they get stinks) and so avoid the other, equally important factors.

There are so many cases where I've seen AI being advertised/used in a "positive" way recently. This included a boy from my college mentioning how he couldn't be bothered to do the homework that had been set, so he just used AI to write his homework for him. Are we really seriously going to allow this to happen? Are we seriously going to allow young people to neglect their education and use AI to fake work for them, getting them target/expected grades that are much higher than what they're actually going to get, giving them false hope?

Another example from what I've seen includes an ad on TV for a new phone that used AI with the camera, and boy did this ad piss me off. Part of the ad sees a group of teens taking a picture, in which they are all frowning, with this phone. They then use the AI included with the camera to edit the picture so that they are all smiling. Why? Was it not easy enough to ACTUALLY smile? If not, was it because they genuinely aren't happy? And if that's the case, should we really be sending a message to TEENAGERS to just hide the fact that they aren't happy and fake a smile instead? Use AI to cover up the fact that you're struggling? No. No we should not.

I know a lot of people reading this probably think I'm reaching or overreacting, but AI does genuinely have a long term effect in these cases.

But I think the most common, most damaging example of people using AI that I've seen is from social media, specifically TikTok but other platforms as well. And this is the use of AI voice filters.

The SAG AFTRA strikes have worked hard to benift actors of all kinds, including voice actors, and the reason I'm drawing so much attention to this fact is because people just aren't getting it into their heads how DAMAGING AI voice filters are for voice actors. Several voice actors have already lost their jobs from being replaced by AI that can replicate THEIR voices, the voices that form part (the most important part) of their identity. Not to mention how damaging it can be for voice actors' dignity to hear their own voice coming from something else, especially considering how this "something else" can replicate within MINUTES what they had to perfect for YEARS. Voice actors put so much effort into getting their voices to be perfect for the role that they're playing, yet AI undermines that effort by imitating those "perfect voices" within minutes. Voice actors actually care about their roles/characters and the fans that love these characters. AI does not. All it does is copy. Yet companies would rather have heartless machines working for them than real life people who actually care about bringing characters to life for fans.

And you wanna know what the worst part is?

Apparently, those "fans" would rather hear AI voicing their favourite characters too.

Because it is YOU (the fans) who create, use and/or like AI voice filters on TikTok/Twitter/Tumblr. It is YOU who cannot accept the fact that your favourite character's VA didn't say the crappy line you came up with at 2am that you commented to them on Twitter, so instead used AI to make the character say it yourself because OBVIOUSLY you're gonna drop dead if you DON'T hear them say that line. Obviously, you can't go on with your life without causing a completely innocent and good person to lose their job AND their dignity for your own entertainment.

Another VERY big issue with AI voice filters is that the majority of voice actors whose voices I have heard being used with AI have specifically said that they do NOT support AI and do NOT wish for people to use AI to replicate their voice. Obviously, some people may not know this, but others do and they choose to ignore it. This does not just go for the people who create the filters. It goes for the people who use and/or show support for it too (such as liking videos that use a filter, etc. ) because you are spreading the use of AI and making companies more aware of it and how easy it is to use, and are therefore causing actors to be replaced. How would you feel if you heard your own voice being used by strangers without your consent for their own entertainment?

So for that reason, I am going to say what most people are just too scared to say:

Fans are just as responsible for the SAG AFTRA strikes for using AI as the companies that have been treating actors/writers like shit for years.

If you have EVER created/used/liked/reblogged/reposted/shared/etc. a video that uses an AI voice filter, please please please PLEASE go back and delete/unlike the video, and NEVER do it again. Do NOT interact with videos using AI voice filters AT ALL. If you get a video on your TikTok fyp, it's not that hard to just scroll past and ignore. If you're still not sure what kind of videos I'm referring to, a good example of a popular AI voice filter that I've seen recently that people need to STOP using is a filter of Luz Noceda (voiced by Sarah-Nicole Robles, who has specifically NOT given consent for AI replications of her voice to be used) and Hunter Whittebane (voiced by Zeno Robinson, who has also specifically NOT given consent for AI replications of his voice to be used) from The Owl House singing She Wolf by Shakira. If you have EVER interacted with this filter, please go back and undo however you interacted with it and spread this message to others.

I'd like to end this "rant post" by saying that I am NOT in anyway an actor/voice actor, but I am an aspiring writer. I remember one day earlier this year seeing something on the news about how companies were considering replacing human writers with AI and how in a certain amount of years, human writers may not even be needed anymore, and this scared the shit out of me because writing has ALWAYS been my dream and I thought my future was over before it had even began.

So in conclusion, PLEASE spread awareness of how damaging AI can be (for actors, voice actors, writers, etc.) and PLEASE make sure to NOT interact with it when you see it being used, unless you are asking another person to stop creating/using/interacting with it. And if you see a VA asking for people to NOT use AI to replicate their voice, just do the bare fucking minimum and respect their wishes. Your life isn't over just because you didn't get to hear Luz and Hunter singing She Wolf. Put the livelivoods of other people before your own entertainment. Thank you.

P.s. I'm gonna tag this post with fandoms that I've seen use AI for replicating voices (to spread awareness), especially if a VA from that fandom has specifically asked for it not to be used. Feel free to reblog and add tags of your own for any fandoms that you think I've missed.

[datastate]

I've always been really intrigued by the contrast between his social mask and the obvious signs of... what should I call it, dishevelment? The more you find out of his character or take a close look. One thing being that his haircut is a bit uneven and seems roughly pushed away from his face in his sprite, both in flashbacks and in the main game. I find the same contrast interesting in Mishima too, especially since in-universe he seems to have a harder time being perceived as put-together or reliable until one gets to know him despite, in my perception, trying very hard to keep up a "responsible" image to people in the same way. <- rambling because it remembered that it likes YTTD

[ @prizefigures ]

yes!!! it's so interesting to me - you see them both try very hard to keep up an (effortless) act that would poise them as, well, reliable people! as you said. despite them both still being very supportive and compassionate people beneath the appearances they put on, neither of them really seem to recognize that as worthwhile (or at least, not as typically palatable, which especially applies in kazumi's case despite his best efforts :[ poor fellow...)

i actually spoke the other day on how these two's speech patterns in particular were almost... the inverse? of one another as well, which plays into what you mentioned here too. all sorts of things help them form their social masks...

kai does seem to speak very straightforwardly in his mind - with some silly similes to spice it up ("kai, your mood is as unusual as the autumn sky"). but aloud, even though he's concise, he will usually softens his words with phrases like 'may, might, perhaps' or preface with questions to reaffirm what he's been told before he actually approaches an answer/response. he's rarely brazen unless he believes there's danger (the only times you'd even see him raise his voice in-game is when he's trying to get sara's attention, at the threat of death) - he tries to keep himself composed for the most part!

but like you said, as you learn about kai or get closer to him (ytts is really good for this), you do start to see the cracks begin to show. he's still very much learning how to... be a person, not just an extension of asunaro. it's what contributes to that subtle disarray, because you see the him wear his asunaro uniform (which he couldn't discard, because it still feels to be an intrinsic part of him despite years spent with the chidouins), contrasted with the apron (which he wouldn't discard, for it is cherished). and while he's clearly grown to accept and even enjoy having long hair now, he hasn't yet learned how to take care of it.

it really is interesting seeing these small signs of him still piecing together what his life, who 'kai', could be! and when people like kazumi, reko, nao dig a bit deeper because they want to know kai, they see more of those uncertainties that he learned to mask. it's really touching seeing the moment where kazumi begins to unveil him in a very kind way and kai ends up asking him to stop, because it's such a large step in trust that kai wasn't prepared for...

that scene always hits me :'] yours are hands filled with affection toward another... ahhh.

& then you see what kai does for kazumi in return too... because, despite the occasional 'you really are a bit [intense] aren't you' -- it isn't necessarily a bad thing! just an energy that kai wouldn't usually match, but is nonetheless unique to kazumi himself. and for that, kai insists to him that perfection isn't what he should be seeking out, but rather he should concentrate his efforts foremost on his skills and passions; hone in on what only he can and present that to the world irregardless of people's more superficial reactions toward his appearance or how he presents it. which is really what kazumi needed to hear, considering he started out the event with:

I wish I were a truly fine teacher, the kind who could answer any question I'm asked… Right now… it feels like I'm just barely managing to teach art and how to study…

which, getting back to how they phrase things... for kazumi, you can see the shift of how he phrases things when spoken aloud, highly influenced due to his career as a teacher. people will always be looking to him for answers, and he tries his best to provide them with confidence so they will 1) take his words to heart, but also 2) consider him reliable. because he wants to be able to support other people, and he's clearly very compassionate. even his questions are typically directed to hear out the other person's perspective. if he doesn't know something, he will of course need to ask, but typically he still prefers framing himself as someone who is knowledgeable. where even in that, he implicitly emphasizes the importance of listening to others to make sense of the world.

while he doesn't exactly try to completely conceal his past or his mistakes, because he understands he still needs to utilize them to connect with students to reassure them that he understands (like with nao), he is still disappointed if it seems that this is... all that someone sees within him. you see this especially with sara commenting that he's a good liar, along with how frantic he gets over the cigar/cigarette issue, that he feels he has a duty to uphold being a responsible teacher. but it's especially interesting seeing that even with people like kai and keiji prodding at him for this, he still typically denies himself that indulgence before other adults.

that reluctance is actually partially what has brought me to believe that he's a recovering addict. so alongside the teacher persona, which he easily grasps onto to excuse this, he could even be using that to kind of. conceal himself behind too. with keiji, and implied with nao, you see him mention how time is the only thing which helped him heal from the mistakes of his past -- and it could very well be that the solution he found at the end of that, to become a teacher, is the thing that truly pulled him out of that. perhaps privately, he still seems to associate himself as irresponsible when he doesn't have the weight of being a mentor. which is what leads him toward boasting such confidence, using white lies (i do feel like, bc of this, it was particularly significant for him to admit how much he still didn't know to kai), and doubting himself...

i do wonder how difficult the start of the school years always seems to be for him in this case. even if he knows it simply takes a while for the students to understand who he tries to be, it must be so stressful/demoralizing to bear that at the start of every year. but he does get back into the rhythm of things! he's very good with people... probably one of the most socially-adept people, up there with joe's skills.

it's funny that, even after going on about all this. i wouldn't consider either of them to be necessarily... insecure people. more than anything, i'd say that they're just. uncertain, and are scared to admit that. for kai, being uncertain is to proclaim that he isn't fully living, isn't cherishing that gift granted to him. for kazumi, it means admitting that for all he says, he doesn't have an answer for himself as to whether or not he can really accomplish what he's dedicated his life to after fumbling with it for much longer than the average person. they're both trying to understand where they go from here after practically... rebuilding themselves from the ground up. (kai with asunaro, of course; kazumi with the whole. ego death lol)

but when they look upon each other, they're still. very kind. and they offer what they believe the other wants or needs. there's a lot of trust between them, because they're trying to show that... it's safe to let those masks fall aside; that doing so won't mean losing the respect and love they'd want to harbor, things that feel as though they're at risk if they can't keep up appearances. but having that comfort with each other is really... special :']

[khunyuki]

"I've lived my life with blade and you always in my mind"

ᴏᴄ: 𝚄𝚣𝚞𝚒 𝙺𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚖𝚒

Synopsis: This is information about the protagonist of my story! If you wish to know more about Kagami, feel free to read this post! I think she's a complex character yet simple at the same time cuz her motivation remains the same no matter all the overthinking.

Note/s: Might change this depending on how the story goes

Masterlist: TOC, Side Story, Main Story

Inspiration:

The Uzui clan is inspired by Uzui Tengen from Kimetsu no Yaiba. In this story, he's an ancestor who was part of the frontlines of kaiju-slaying, however, he resorted to assisting in the sidelines after losing an arm. Demons no longer exist but there are records though its history is now forgotten due to the existence of kaijus. The Uzui clan used to value its history and respects its ancestors but as time goes by it is no longer as followed. It started from the personal blade style being hard to use thus making the family focus on other technical skills as a specialty to other things. If only some of them didn't get too greedy.

Uzui Tengen being an ancestor doesn't automatically mean that he's the original cuz there were people before him. Remember how he killed his siblings thus being the only one left alive? It's still mentioned in this fanfic but that's it. He is just Kagami's favorite ancestor because of his sword style and flamboyance which is the opposite of her personality.

Occupation:

Platoon Leader of the First Division

Unleashed Combat Power:

25% (before joining First Division); 43% (default) to 89-95% (after total concentration breathing)

Appearance:

Kagami is a small woman at 149cm with a sleeper build. Her arm muscles are toned but isn't noticeable much as she makes sure it doesn't get too big. Just like most Japanese woman, her eyes and hair is black. Her default expression would be a small polite smile, honed from years of practicing it cuz women of Uzui family should always smile. She rarely does makeup but would definitely do so when meeting Soshiro. She's actually considered beautiful and pretty by a lot of people but she doesn't believe it nor does she know.

Her hair is long enough to cover her bottom and she dyed a streak of it the same as her captain's since it's tradition for platoon leaders of the first division to do so. She values tradition so she never really cuts her hair aside from trims. If it wasn't inconvenient, she would never have cut it at all. To be honest, she wouldn't have dyed her hair too if it didn't gave her a sense of freedom or if she didn't actually respect her captain to which she does.

Before, she lets her long hair down then ties it in a high ponytail on missions but when she saw Ashiro Mina doing the same, she changed her style. When at work, she wears it in a loose braid cascading over her left shoulder. On a normal day though, she would put it in a half bun half down hairstyle. When off-duty, she would put it in a classic bun but since she's still engaged, it was just half. She would accessorize it using a hairpin gifted to her by Soshiro and her engagement ring on her left ring finger.

When on-duty, she would wear the usual Defense Force uniform or the standard combat suit. When off-duty, she would usually wear conservative outfits that covers her ankles, collarbones and arms. An example would be long dresses and cardigans or maxi skirts with long-sleeved blouses. At home, she would wear a kimono or a traditional training outfit.

Mostly as a child, Kagami was mostly identical to her current appearance just without the baby fat. Her hair still reaches her shoulders and dons traditional training outfits or kimono.

Likes:

Hoshina Soshiro💕, the First Division, kaiju-slaying, training, reading, her favorite ancestor, reading, when she's hospitalized

Dislikes:

herself, Soshiro getting hurt, people in general, failing, her family

Personality:

Before meeting Soshiro for the very first time, Kagami has always been a shy girl. She would hide behind her mother/father whenever people she didn't know were around. She was born quiet, without crying as soon as she got out from her mother's womb. That's how they knew she was meant to be a shinobi, even if her silence concerns her parents.

After meeting Soshiro, she was still shy but she gradually spoke up enough to make her parents proud. Most of her topics were asking about how she could be a good wife or what she could do to make her fiancee notice her. Though everything was for naught as she stammers when in front of him and wasn't able to keep a conversation at all.

After her mother died, Kagami learned how to hide her emotions the hard way. She was taught to smile no matter the situation, even when she was being punished for no reason. She became calm and composed, rarely showing any other emotions other than the polite smile on her face. At an early age, she learned how to distinguish the faces of those with good or bad intentions. Also heartbroken at the fact that she could never really trust anyone in her family, even her father. She learned to keep her thoughts and feelings to herself, only showing them to the person she trusts the most, Hoshina Soshiro.

In a family of shinobis/ninjas, one's strengths is their ability to conceal themselves at will, something that Kagami mastered early on. It became incredibly useful when she entered middle school as she'd be encountering numerous strangers in her everyday life. She was originally an introvert and so it drains her to be around people. Still, she had to be polite and communicate with them properly, all for the sake of connections. She hates crowds and would often have a mental breakdown the moment something goes wrong but she still had to act normal on the outside.

It was during high school that she first starting feeling the cracks in her mask. It wasn't that bad at first as her confidence was unaffected still. But the pressure definitely got to her as she struggled to keep up with her studies along with training. The expectations were constantly weighing her down but she got through it because of Soshiro being by her side.

After joining the Defense Force on their original division, Kagami finally felt the reality of her situation. She had a hard time increasing her suit's unreleased power only maxing it until 25%. She definitely felt the disappointment of the people around her which impacted her confidence a lot. She started being paranoid and having self-esteem issues that got worse when Soshiro left.

When Soshiro left to join the Third Division, that was the start of her downfall. Her issues got worse along with the people pointedly criticizing her in front of her face and back. There was no longer anyone to shield her, after all. She struggled along with the feelings of insecurities and inferiority, of what she could and couldn't be. She learned to steel herself and closing off her walls, thus isolating herself even more. She hypnotized herself by chanting "Soshiro will hate her if she didn't improve, her family will disown her if she didn't improve, she'll die in a few years time if she didn't improve, she won't ever get to marry the one she loves if she didn't improve" and the likes.

Before joining the First Division, Kagami lost all hope in other people recognizing her efforts. That's why she kept to herself focusing only on her improvements and not what they're saying. Soshiro will be surprised if he sees her being so cold and calculating. At first, she didn't trust Isao Shinomiya when he told her she had potential like it was lip service. She also hated how he told her that they'd been watching her for a long time undeciding whether to actually recruit her or not, but in the end they eventually relented.

After joining the First Division, Kagami encountered a new struggle. She once again was surrounded by strong people who she couldn't keep up with. Her unleashed force was part of the bottom feed, barely even scratching the surface. She felt like a joke compared to everyone around her. That's why she felt a sense of camaraderie with officer Narumi. He was also an outcast like her but was clearly stronger, just that his eccentricity goes in the way.

Narumi Gen was someone who pushed her to do her best. He always insulted her at first yet she still stays by his side. Kagami considers him to be the very first friend she made as he was blunt with her in front of her face yet defends her behind her back. She was very grateful to him and respect him a lot. She loves her own personal space and understood that he also loves his own and she respects that. So she couldn't understand the people who would destroy his precious belongings in order to make him listen to them. Cause it felt like seeing herself, when other people try to take what's hers and she just let them. She doesn't like to see it happen with other people.

Her personality takes a turn during neutralizations. It wasn't like her usual polite way but rather more harsh as lives were at stake. Granted she try to be as gentle was possible but she tends to focus on what's in front of her and her surroundings. As a shinobi, her priority is to defeat the kaiju in a fast manner. Opting for sneaky and swift way of elimination. She was used to going solo and not relying on any support so she had to be harsh if she wanted to be heard.

As a Platoon Leader, however, her priority is to ensure that none of her comrades or civilians get hurt in the crossfire. In doing so, she had to be vocal in her thoughts and observations. Her professionalism is at its peak with being all serious and unrelenting. She had to reconsider her words and actions to benefit her squad. She lets them shine by stepping back then asserting herself when she deemed it dangerous. She finds herself complimenting her squadron for their good work and giving them advice on how to be better. She wanted to be someone who they could rely on even if she's not as strong as she wanted to be.

Nevertheless, her self-esteem and confidence is still rock bottom as she just deluded herself to think otherwise. She wouldn't survive if she lets every little thing get to her and affect her life. Strangers are just strangers. The people who can affect her the most are her family, her superiors from the First Division, and Soshiro. All three had the ability to kick down her walls and beat her to a pulp. Cause no matter how hard she denies it, her whole being relies on them.

Kagami is kind to a fault by letting people take advantage of her, knowing full well that that's their intention. Her motto is to fake it 'til you make it. That's why the whole First Division is so protective of her, even if they didn't know the mental breakdowns and panic attacks that happen every second. The First Division does notice her being humble and not letting her achievements get to her head. And that sometimes she would depreciate herself without noticing and they'll immediately tell her the opposite thus killing her with embarrassment.

Growing up in an environment that values tradition above all else, Kagami grew to love her family's history and has etched it deep into her heart and soul. That's always the first thing she considers when dressing up, neutralizing kaijus, and romancing her fiance. Well, she does most of it in a conservative way, contrasting the flamboyant attitude of her favorite ancestor. That's why she can't handle Soshiro's teasing well, along with other people.

She also has a lot of expectations on herself like other people do. If their expectations of her was around 100% then the expectation on herself would be 1000%. She typically blames herself for not reaching it, calling herself weak. She's incredibly harsh on herself despite being kind to others. She's easily jealous and insecure so she blames herself even more for thinking that way, wondering when she started getting twisted. Her kindness is a way to make her feel grounded and safe, from other people and herself.

This is a secret that she keeps to herself and never told anyone, I think even she doesn't know it but when she'd pushed to the brink, she can be a pretty crazy person. The only reason she's still alive and well is because of Soshiro so if you take him away forcefully, there will be hell. This is mainly the reason she doesn't let her jealousy and insecurities win as she trusts in Soshiro and doesn't want him to hate her.

Skills:

**if you think it's OP then please look at Uzui Tengen's wiki cause I just used the same abilities he has.

Kaiju-slaying

Sound Breathing - this is a common practice for everyone in their household as it's their specialty. One must learn how to breathe this or else they aren't real children of the house.

Total Concentration Breathing - not many people in her household can do so but she did with her religious training. That's the main reason she's still an heir and her father as the head of the clan. She does this unconsciously even in her sleep that's why her wounds heal so fast and she has immense physical prowess. It also aids in healing her faster when paired with the new technology of using kaiju regeneration.

Indomitable Will - also one of the reasons why she hasn't given up yet. Her will to survive, be with Soshiro, and fix her mental health is because of this. Her love is far stronger than her wish for death hence her will is unbreakable. There's only one person who can destroy hell will y'know. No kaijus can ever beat that.

Echolocation - her sense of hearing and touch is incredibly sensitive so if she enhances it, she would be able to locate any hidden kaijus just by listening to soundwaves. It's proven to be more effective on site, the operations squad could never compare.

Tactical Intellect - with her echolocation and information about kaijus, she's able to formulate a strategy on the spot though it requires her to be at the frontlines to do so.

Shinobi training

Enhanced Stealth - she is able to conceal her presence at will and sneak up on people. She doesn't usually do this but unconsciously scares people when she speak up not knowing she was there in the first place. She practices it the most with the people she dislikes as it makes it easier for her to avoid them.

Poison Resistance - as a child, she was fed poison everyday in order to gain immunity once she grows up. It also meant that most medicines don't work on her so she had to take special care in not getting injured. She was really glad for the new technology developed that uses kaiju's regeneration ability to heal as it would heal her up pretty quickly without having a hard time. Also, she experiments with the new diluted poisons from kaijus. She wonders if she has to detoxify her body first to have a child.

Enhanced Hearing - just like in echolocation, her ears and skin are sensitive. Easily picking up words from about 100 meters away. Because of that, she has to request they turn her communication device at the lowest volume.

Physical

Muscle Control - she has the ability to loosen or tighten her muscles at will. She practiced it alone as she wasn't allowed to do so as a child for it might cause severe issues when she fails to control it properly. She read that her favorite ancestor did it so she also did it. She could pretend to die and it would fool even the operations squad.

Immense Speed, Stamina, Strength, Endurance, & Reflexes - as a woman, this was definitely a struggle for her since she was short and weaker then most. But with hard work, she was able to do it without getting tired. It still depends on the extent of the workout. Soshiro could defeat her in terms of speed but he couldn't beat her in the others. Soshiro still hasn't mastered total concentration breathing that she taught him, if he did then he'll be able to overpower her easily.

Personal Weapon:

CC-0105 or Chained Cleavers [heavily inspired by Gyomei and Tengen's weapons].

A personal weapon primarily made for the Uzui family as it's only them who could freely manipulate such a complicated weapon. The chain was initially added to resemble a nunchucks but got modified to be longer in order to be used as both a long-ranged and short-ranged weapon. A lot of people attempted to use it but it being a specialty made for those who trained at an earlier age or talented, it lost a lot of users thus dwindling it's number in production. Kagami, an avid fan of Tengen, practiced the weapon religiously as a child and adult thus she was able to wield it freely and with ease. (This is also the primary reason why she was considered weak as normal weapons weren't compatible with her)

Relationship/s:

Hoshina Soshiro

He is her fiancee since childhood and they are smitten with each other. He's the love of her life and her obsession, and the reason she still chooses to live despite the hardships. They decided to be strictly professional when it comes to work but affectionate when in private. They make use of their days off so they could spend time with each other more.

Narumi Gen

One of the main causes of her fiance's jealousy despite him denying it. Gen is someone she highly respects and has become an important person in her life. She isn't a fan of skinship when it comes someone other than her fiance but if it's for work, they she had to swallow it. She considers them to be friends as she likes how blunt he is with her. He doesn't talk behind her back, rather he'd defend her if she doesn't do it herself. He actually advocated for her use of personal weapon despite the force preferring firearms, he doesn't want her skills to be a waste and he's correct in his judgement cuz her strength is almost on par with him. She used to be Soshiro's support but now she is Gen's support, something she takes pride in (just like how Soshiro takes pride in being Mina's vice captain).

She respects his boundaries and never throws away his things even after cleaning his room. He taught her how to play video games and it's their bonding as friends. She understands his feelings of rivalry with her fiance but would scold him if he goes too far. She felt a sense of kinship with him from the very start. She willingly dyed her hair as a sign of respect despite denying it by saying it's only for tradition. It's also pretty funny how bug their height difference is yet she's the one carrying him everywhere.

Vice Captain Hasegawa Eiji

She respects this man a lot for his tolerance to their captain. He is also one of the first people who believed in her after seeing her skills once. He is gentle and good with her, knowing just how much she's struggling, and also because he reciprocates her kindness. He's also specially fond of her because she keeps Gen in line. Gen would listen to her most of the time even if he just lets her carry him. He's incredibly grateful for her hardwork.

Shinonome Rin

A good friend and former roommate. Their personality didn't use to be compatible but her heart was softened by Kagami's persistence and kindness. She's genuinely worried for her friend's mental health as she's the one who was able to observe her up close when they were still officers. She used to ship her with Captain Narumi before finding out she has a fiance. She's also the one who dyed Kagami's hair and would sometimes style it!

Ashiro Mina

She used to be someone Kagami admires, she still does but she admits that her jealousy makes her a bit uncomfortable with it. That is primarily the reason she didn't choose to join the Third Division when the offer was extended as she didn't want to be compared and hate her. She still likes Mina though for believing in her fiance's abilities. She immediately stopped getting jealous after learning about Kafka's relationship with Mina.

Mina doesn't have any particular thoughts about her, only knowing that she's the fiancee of her vice captain. Although she's quite disappointed that she didn't join her force, she's glad Kagami was able to make use of her strengths in the First Division (she's still salty with it though). She also respects Kagami for her dedication to the force and respect for rule and order. She doesn't force PDA on her vice captain yet she feels a headache everytime he request a day off as it meant either of them are sick or he'd force his way to the First Division to make her rest. She still couldn't forget the headache it brought her the first time around when vice captain Hasegawa told her of his unwanted visit and demand. Nevertheless, she's also fine with her barging in the Third Division to demand that he rest as he really does need to.

Hibino Kafka

Soshiro told her about him from the start, about how an interesting recruit joined the force and his relationship with Mina. When he arrived at the First Division, she was shocked to find out he was a humanoid kaiju but was reassured by Soshiro. He asked her to look after him and Kikoru to which she did without question. Needless to say, they get along well as she didn't get scared of him at all, trusting her fiance's words more than anyone else's (it made Kafka thankful to have someone believe in him immediately). She actually finds Kafka as a funny person who makes her laugh at the dumbest of things. Especially when he tells her all about her fiance's shinenigans in the Third Division. Kafka thinks she's an angel compared to his vice captain though.

[dragonlands]

Hi new friend! I just saw in one of your post you mentioned that you read the tvd books!! That‘s super cool! Would you care to share one fun damon or defan fact from the books? Or headcanon, if you read em too long ago to remember facts!

We gotta make our own content in this fandom lol

Hi friend! Thank you for this question, I love getting asks. Also thinking about this kept me entertained trhough my day at work so a special thank you for that lmao! I read the seven original books for the first time over 10 years ago but I've been rereading now so 3,5 of them are bright and new in my mind so I'll concentrate on those!

TVD books fun facts:

• In the books vampires (if they drink human blood) can turn into animals. For example, Damon is often a crow, and he also turns into a black dog to fight Katherine, who is a white tiger in the scene

• Book Elena is definitely a Defan shipper. In book 3 she dies (temporarily) and her last wish is for Damon and Stefan to take care of each other

• Katherine is also a Defan shipper. It's basically canon she wanted polyamory and the only reason she faked her death was bc she thought her death would bring Stefan and Damon together

• For some reason I was convinced they're twins in the books but that's apparently not true. But they do only have 3 year age gap in the books.

• In the books they always competed with each other and weren't good friends, even pre-Katherine

• Damon always calls Stefan "little brother" instead of his name and Stefan considers this to be derogatory (I, on the other hand consider it affectionate)

• Book Damon doesn't kill that many people, he's still a grey area character but not a genuine serial killer like the show version (he almost never kills the humans he feeds on)

• Also even though book Damon is also a ladies man he doesn't have that many girlfriends during the course of the books (actually I don't remember anyone else than Elena and Bonnie and he never even really dates either of them)

• Damon and Stefan are from renaissance Italy, born 1487 & 1490. They both have black hair and dress mostly in black designer wear

• In the books there's a scene where Damon forces the sunlight ring on Stefan's finger (to protect him) so I consider them engaged now

Honestly I wish I could put some quotes bc some of them are fanfic level Defan BUT I'm not reading the books in english so I can't, but there's stuff where Stefan is literally said to put his face in really close to Damon's and be like "do you enjoy seeing klaus kill? does he let you watch?" which is so funny and sexual. I'd love to post more of these as I continue my reread, I remember as a teen liking the last 3 books most and there's more Damon content in them too if I remember correctly. FYI: the books aren't very good, but if you're desperate they do offer some good defan content, and they're kinda entertaining.

[retrievablememories]

out loud | seulgi (m)

pairing: chauffeur!seulgi x celebrity!fem!reader genre: fluff, fwb to lovers, hurt/comfort, smut word count: 6k warnings: cursing, injury (ankle sprain), crying, oral sex (female receiving), fingering, some thigh-riding song inspos: out loud - syd ft kehlani | for the night - chloe | touch me - victoria monet ft kehlani | losing - h.e.r. a/n: this is a sequel to lady cab driver!

all this “day in the life of a celebrity” stuff is way out of my range of knowledge, so i’m not sure how much of this realistic, but hey...shrug!

the MC is a singer but not a kpop idol or in the k-industry. i’m not gonna stop if you imagine it that way though lmao

--

you could never deny me

to the eyes of the strangers that watch us when we walk by

so what's with all the silence?

“...so, are you sure you aren’t currently in a relationship?” genie, the podcast host sitting across from you, asks this while twirling her pen a mile a minute and smiling nervously. she innately knows that she’s going to annoy you with this inquiry, but she asks anyway.

you sit up straighter in your seat, giving her an exasperated look. “what do you mean ‘am i sure’? you think i wouldn’t know that or not?”

“okay, calm the attitude!” she cries out, laughing to mask her own annoyance with the way you responded. “i just want to know because you’ve really been different lately.”

“i would if you hadn’t just asked me the exact same question earlier,” you deadpan, completely ignoring her second statement.

amanda, who is your friend-but-not-really and serves as the main host of this podcast, laughs and places her hand on your shoulder. “it’s not that serious, y/n.” she’s also probably wondering where the hell your media training has gone, but you’ve never had much patience for entertaining ridiculous, rude, or annoying remarks even in the public eye. for many people, that quality has made you a bit unpalatable, but you figure the ones who really matter will stick around regardless.

you sigh and try to mockingly roll your eyes, though you think it probably comes off more genuine than playful.

“genie has a point anyway, it’s not hard to tell when you’re having more fun in life, you know…specifically with another person, i mean. your overall demeanor shifts,” amanda says, raising a finger as if you can’t dispute her hot take on it. “and also, there are a few more romantic-slash-sensual songs than usual on your recent EP, so…”

despite yourself, you smile crookedly as you think about the tracks she’s mentioned; it’s more of a smirk now. genie observes your expression and throws her hands up as if to say see what i mean? “does everything have to be from personal experience?” you argue.

“does every song have to be fictional?” amanda shoots back, leaning closer to the microphone in front of her. “or will we all finally realize that there is a fundamental truth in almost every song there is in the universe, no matter how off-the-wall it may be…yes, that even includes eiffel 65’s blue.” you close your eyes and put your forehead in your hand, which means you hear rather than see genie choke on her drink in her laughter.

“don’t start getting all existential on me now, or whatever the fuck it is that you do,” you mutter. “also, you two should be praising your own smarts each and every day for making this an independent podcast, because this silly shit would get you kicked off any actual network. girl.”

--

it’s a matching pantsuit today, and a little more casual than the ones seulgi usually wears. great for your eyes, not so great for your concentration. at least you’re not the one who has to drive.

you almost regret your decision to get in the front of the car, but then again, that outfit is the very reason why you’re sitting up here with her now.

seulgi blinks at you like you’ve just landed from a spaceship as you climb into the passenger seat beside her. it’s not the limo today, which is really only saved for more luxurious outings or when you want to show off in front of a fellow celebrity you’re not too fond of, but the mercedes-benz—which you admit is still show-offy but not as impractical.

“you’re getting in the front seat?” she asks, but turns the engine on anyway and is already backing out of the parking space.

“yes, why not?”

“kind of defeats the purpose of having all those amenities in the back, but okay.”

“i’ve had my fill of ice water and little andes mints for today, seulgi. just let me sit up here with you, please?”

seulgi arches an eyebrow. “well, you don’t have to ask me. even if you never drive it, it’s your car. remember?”

“true…and i know you prefer being told what to do, so…”

there’s an awkward little silence where seulgi makes a sound like a laugh and reddens, which you take as a win for today. it’s become surprisingly more easy to get her flustered ever since you two began your arrangement, when you used to be on the receiving end of it more often than not.

“so how’d it go?” she asks, regaining her composure by changing the subject.

“same as it always is with those damn girls,” you say, chuckling as you think back to one of the many ridiculous things amanda had said during the interview. “they’re fun, though. even if i find something to complain about every time i go on their podcast.”

“what’s your complaint for today, then?”

you hesitate, scratching the back of your head with a sudden awkward air. “they asked me about any ‘current relationships.’ just the kind of gossipy stuff fans always want to know.”

seulgi nods, still keeping her eyes on the road. “so i’m sure you gave some cryptic answer or something? since you don’t like people prying in your business.”

“uh, basically.” that wasn’t the answer you expected, though now you aren’t sure what you were expecting. you two aren’t in a relationship, so why would seulgi act any certain way about interviewers asking you that question?

the rest of the car ride back to your house is filled with sporadic conversation, which also involves seulgi reminding you of your weekly schedule for what feels like the 50th time. transporting you everywhere means she needs to know your entire itinerary at all times, which also means she essentially plays the roles of both chauffeur and personal assistant. the convenience of it is perfect, but occasionally, it also serves to make you feel more confused about your “involvement.”

the lines between personal and professional have blurred so much that you no longer know what’s wrong and what’s right.

and now that you’re in it, it feels odd to field relationship questions, write romantic songs while telling yourself you have no particular subject in mind, and keep your arrangement a secret so that no one in the public world knows about seulgi’s connection to you as anything other than your chauffeur. it feels odd to have her drive you around the city to important work events or interviews and accompany you across the country on professional business trips, only to see her again several nights a week in your bed.

within the small bubble consisting of your personal team and close friends, everyone knows about what you and seulgi have going on. they don’t comment on it, which you prefer, though you can’t rid yourself of the slight paranoia of what they must say when neither of you are around. especially danika…a backup dancer and friend of yours who you were involved with in a similar way before seulgi ever came along.

but as long as no one opens their mouth to you about it, you’ll be fine. even if you’re beginning to feel a little confused about the nature of all this. maybe you’re just overthinking it.

seulgi’s hand on yours is warm and familiar as she helps you out of the car. it makes you feel weirdly sappy for a moment, so you don’t think twice as you lean forward to kiss her on the corner of the mouth, like a preview of the real thing. just a teaser. you chuckle at the lipstick print that’s left there when you pull away.

“will i see you tonight?” you ask, though it feels more like a confirmation of something you both already know.

she nods and rubs her thumb over the back of your hand with a smile. “tonight.”

--

a music festival in europe, a week later...

you’re in your dressing room with some of your dancers and other team members, mentally preparing yourself to get on stage in just a few minutes. danika plops onto the soft gray couch beside you, purposely taking up the rest of the space on it so that her head is in your lap, hair fanning across your legs. you look down at her face, sighing at being disturbed out of your routine.

“well, hello. now what brings you over here?” you ask.

"nothing special," she replies, though you know that isn't true just by the expression on her face. "you must be excited to be performing your new songs for the first time with a live audience." her eyes are alight with the thrill of performing again after a while.

“i’ll stay excited as long as all you guys keep it together and make me look good.”

she rolls her eyes. “of course we will. you and i didn’t spend like 5 years dancing at every possible event to not look good together.” the stress she puts on together makes your ears perk up.

scoffing, you shove her shoulder in a way that you both know isn’t serious. “okay girl, i didn’t even say all that and you know it, so don’t start.”

“i’m just joking,” danika shrugs, and then speaks lower so no one else can eavesdrop; though they’re all preoccupied with their phones and conversations. “though, i’m always open if you are. for old time’s sake, or whatever.” her voice and posture are as casual as can be, one of her hands behind her head, but your eyes widen a little. you’re not entirely sure how to respond to that knowing you’re regularly having sex with seulgi—which danika surely also knows.

you and seulgi never really discussed the terms of your arrangement. instead, you just…decided you really liked that day in the limo, wanted to do it again, and continued falling into bed together. whether sleeping with other people is okay is unbeknownst to you, though you suddenly realize you have no desire to do so.

you shove danika again, trying to play off your surprise and uncertainty. “where’s that even coming from all of a sudden?” she interlocks her hands with yours as you try to pull away, and the both of you end up scrabbling on the couch, your question left unanswered. “if you mess up my outfit before i have to go on stage—”

seulgi walks into the room casually sipping from a smoothie cup alongside your manager sherry, and as engrossed as you are with play-fighting danika in your lap and trying to untangle yourself from her, you don’t notice seulgi glancing over in your direction. her eyes squint and her whole body pauses for a second, but she does nothing to make her presence known to you. just as quickly, seulgi brings her attention back to your manager, only catching the tail-end of what the woman was saying.

“sorry, can you say that again? it’s a little loud in here.”

seulgi focuses fully on sherry now, but there’s still something itching in the back of her mind. there’s no reason for her to feel weird about you and danika acting as friends do. it’s not that kind of relationship, she reminds herself, though deep down, she can’t help feeling a bit bothered at that level of closeness between the two of you.

--

before long, it’s time for you to go out on stage and perform.

there are so many different things to think about whenever you’re on stage, but every time, it all comes together like a type of second nature to you. there’s little time to dwell in your nervousness when interacting with fans and making sure you’re hitting every note and dance move. out of all the nonsense that comes with notoriety and the entertainment industry, these moments when you actually get to live and breathe in your talent and share it with others are what makes everything else worth dealing with.

even when you get to the last song in your set, you’re not yet ready for the night to end, having fed off the crowd’s energy and used it to fuel your own adrenaline.

things shift drastically halfway through the first chorus, though, when you twist around a little too harshly during a spin and your heel goes out from under you. you feel a sharp pain burst in your ankle, and it’s intense enough to send you stumbling to the ground. for a few seconds, your mind spins from the shock until you realize you’re no longer standing.

“shit, y/n!” someone grabs your arm from the side, and you realize it’s danika. there’s a wave of concern from the crowd in the form of panicked screams and shouts. seeing everyone’s shocked faces makes your heart beat faster; you can’t help feeling like you need to defuse the situation, reassure the fans, and salvage what you can.

grinding your teeth together from the pain, you bring the microphone back up to your mouth with one hand while wrestling your heels off with the other. “i’m okay...the show ain’t over yet!” there are many cheers at that statement, though the aura of concern still persists. moving the mic away, you tell danika, “it’s fine, go back to your spot.” the rest of your dancers are still keeping with the choreography for the sake of professionalism; danika looks at you like you’ve lost it, but you shoo her away, so she rushes back to her place amongst the others.

now without your heels, you push yourself back to your feet and limp through the rest of the choreography, making a concerted effort to keep your voice steady through the pain.

as the last notes of the instrumental fizzle out, your dancers gather at your sides as they’re meant to do for the ending of this song, but a couple of them—including danika—sling their arms around you so they can support your weight. they lead you off the stage to the tune of thousands of screams, yet all you can hear is the blood rushing in your ears. you’re so distracted you even forget to say your regular thank yous and goodbyes to the crowd.

you are able to keep yourself together until you get backstage and sherry wrangles you down into a chair and scolds you for still trying to dance on your injured foot—at which point you put your face in your hands and burst into tears.

“that was so stupid. i looked so stupid out there. what the fuck is wrong with me? everyone probably hates me now!”

“that’s not even true.” sherry sighs, now regretting how she immediately complained instead of trying to reassure you.

“no they don’t!” danika says at the same time. “you’re overthinking it. look, we just need to get you to the hospital.”

you shake your head, your eyes burning with tears and face still hidden by your hands. “this is why i hate heels.”

seulgi isn’t surprised at your injured state when you’re helped into the car, having already been alerted by your manager. she is startled by how much you’re crying over it, though she doesn’t show it. she’s never seen you shed one sad tear before this.

seulgi drives you to the nearest hospital with sherry, danika, and a couple other essential members of the entourage in tow. she doesn’t go in with you and the others, as it’s her job to have the car ready to swoop you away from any prying fans or paparazzi whenever you get done. instead, she spends most of her time in the car drumming her fingers against the wheel and fidgeting in her seat. the other percentage is spent resisting the urge to take her gloves off so she can bite her nails.

it feels like hours before sherry texts to update seulgi and you’re in her sights again, brought out in a wheelchair and your big sunglasses firmly covering your eyes. seulgi is a little taken aback at her own relief but doesn’t dwell on it long, as her main focus is getting you out of the parking lot in one piece amid the photographers trying to crowd the car.

sherry rolls down the window to growl at them, “get the fuck out of the way! we’re not paying for your hospital bills if you get run the fuck over!” this seems to be enough to back them down, though they’re clearly not happy about being spoken to in such a way.

the rest of the ride to the hotel manages to be fairly calm, and you are whisked up to your room by the others. seulgi parks the car in the parking garage and finally unclenches her hands from around the steering wheel. she yanks her chauffeur’s gloves off and runs her hands through her hair, feeling like one weight has lifted while another simultaneously settles itself down on her shoulders.

seulgi has barely stepped foot into her own room when she gets a text, and she sighs—doesn’t look like she’ll be clocking out for the night now. but after receiving texts from sherry all night, she doesn’t expect the message to be directly from you when she checks her phone.

2:03 a.m. y/n: can you come up to my room?

there’s no explanation. it’s just those seven words. seulgi’s heartbeat speeds up anyway.

within minutes, she’s being let into your room by sherry, who appears to be on her way out.

“you know what to do if you need anything,” sherry calls over her shoulder.

“yeah, i got it mom!” you reply, which earns you an eye roll from her.

sherry nods to seulgi as she slides past her, patting her on the shoulder. “you know she’s injured, so—take it easy, yeah?”

seulgi only scoffs at that, her ears reddening at the implication. she closes the door after her and walks to your bed, where you’re lying with your injured foot propped on a pillow and wrapped in a bandage. the TV is on a random station that seulgi knows you’re not even watching, the volume so low it might as well be muted.

“how are you doing? is your foot okay?”

you shrug, looking tired and disappointed with the world. “it’ll live, i guess. it’s a sprain, so it’ll heal eventually…good thing it’s not a damn fracture.”

“i’m glad it’s not serious,” seulgi says, allowing herself to breathe easier.

you sigh and recline further against the pillows. “feels kinda like the end of the world, though.”

“i know. i’m sorry. you were really good today, though, and i hope that counts for something.” seulgi absentmindedly scratches her thumbnail against one of the pillows on your bed. “you already know i thought the only girl was great,” she adds, referring to one of your new songs.

you lean your head on your hand, your face warming at her compliment. you think back to the night you’d invited a handful of close friends—including seulgi—to listen to that track and a couple other completed ones. “i don’t know why i released that song to the public. it seems too personal. and then i performed that tonight before falling flat on my ass in front of thousands? shit!”

seulgi gives a lopsided smirk. “has anybody ever told you how dramatic you are?”

you shake your head fiercely, pretending not to know. “no, never, i think?” before the conversation can continue down that road, you blurt out, “could you stay with me?”

“you want me to stay the night?” it certainly wouldn’t be the first time seulgi has stayed over with you, but she’s kind of surprised you want her around while you’re in this state.

in this context, you’re a little embarrassed to admit it, but you nod. “you just saw me have a complete meltdown over a fucking ankle that will heal anyway. we go together now.”

seulgi is even more dumbstruck by that statement, and her heart starts full-on hammering against her ribcage. she can’t tell if your tone is joking or not, which makes it harder to decipher if you’re actually claiming a relationship with her in this moment or just talking shit like you always do.

it doesn’t help that she’s still feeling a bit confused over your earlier interaction with danika and how it bothered her more than she anticipated. like you, she has begun wondering a little more deeply about where the boundaries of this arrangement end and begin.

at this point, she’s too afraid to ask. the opportunity seems to have passed as you peel back the comforter on the unoccupied side of the bed and pat it impatiently with an imploring look.

“i haven’t even showered since this morning,” seulgi says weakly.

“can’t you shower now?”

“i–yeah, i guess. but i’ll have to go back to my room to get clothes.”

“do you have to go? you can just wear the hotel robe here.” you gesture vaguely to the door of your closet, which is currently closed, but seulgi presumes the said garment must be there.

“and sneak out of the room like that in the morning?” seulgi looks at you in mock horror, and you laugh nervously.

“come on, i can just get sherry to run to the store and get you a new outfit—” you’re about to say something else but stop yourself. “or…maybe you’d rather just sleep in your own bed tonight? uh, that’s fine, i don’t want to—”

“no, i do!” seulgi starts hurriedly pulling her suit jacket off as if to prove to you her desire to stay. “seriously, stop overthinking it!” she calls out as she heads to the bathroom, though she’s also addressing herself.

and so you wait for seulgi to get finished while flipping through channels that don’t offer much to watch. the analog clock on the wall by the TV edges towards 3 a.m. with every minute, but a regular sleep schedule has been foreign to you for years now. your body feels the exhaustion, but your mind is too awake to allow sleep.

seulgi crawls into the bed beside you after she gets out of the bathroom, draped in the hotel robe as you suggested, her hair damp against her cheeks and face bare of makeup. she notices your restless demeanor and asks, “what are you thinking of?”

“i don’t want to think about anything right now,” you reply, which isn’t really an answer, but it’s better than having the awkward what are we? discussion that keeps plaguing your mind.

“what do you want to do instead, then?” seulgi asks, trying to probe your mind.

“you.”

seulgi sits up, knowing the tone of your voice and what it signifies. “you’re injured, y/n,” she murmurs, but she can guess how you’ll respond—which is why she shifts closer anyway. “at least let me do all the work.”

seulgi leans closer to kiss you on the lips, so sweetly that it makes you grin into the embrace. her damp hair tickles your face as you kiss, getting tiny drops of water on your skin. the droplets spread as her lips move to your neck and you slide one of your hands to the back of her head, feeling the strands slip between your fingers.

she remains careful of your injured right foot as she situates herself halfway between your legs, straddling your left thigh and letting you feel her bare against your skin from where your shorts have ridden up. one of her hands slips beneath your tank top, her fingers grasping your breast, thumb grazing across your hardening nipple, and it’s not long before the other hand joins to caress both of your breasts beneath the fabric. each moan that comes out of your mouth is greeted with a kiss from seulgi’s lips as your mouths remain enmeshed.

your hands settle on seulgi’s hips, and you can’t resist the urge to flex your thigh a bit and make the muscle shift against her. at your motion, her lips part in a moan similar to your own. “y/n, seriously…” her words dissolve into a chuckle as you make the motion again and drag her hips forward in tandem.

“sure you don’t want me to handle this?” you ask lowly, flexing your thigh again in reference to the aforementioned this making a wet mess on your skin.

“no, let me before you try to take over as usual.”

she slides down and tugs at the waistband of your shorts, and you carefully lift your hips up to aid her in getting them halfway down your legs. she’s hardly surprised to see your lack of underwear, which you have often cited as being “too restricting.”

her hands grasp both of your thighs as she kisses the skin above your navel, around it, across your hips, and down to your inner thighs, her tongue coming out to trace a path down your pubic mound until it meets the glistening pearl it’s looking for.

“seulgi…” you sigh, shifting your hips to get closer. she answers your call of her name with a wet swipe over your clit and several more after, closing her lips gently around the sensitive bud to heighten your pleasure. never able to keep still for long, she slides one hand off your thigh to spread your lips apart for more access, fitting her tongue inside you after she’s gotten you sufficiently worked up to where your clit is throbbing on her lips. her soft mouth on you has you forgetting the pain of your sprained ankle and the embarrassment of the day’s earlier events as your head sinks back against the headboard, every nerve in your body trembling with the anticipation of release.

she separates her tongue from you to tease two of her fingers at your entrance, stimulating the ultra-sensitive nerve endings there, and that move makes you nearly scratch at her arms to get her to bring her mouth back into play. ���y/n, be patient…” she chuckles, her breath warm between your thighs. her fingers reach that spot inside you repeatedly only to flutter against it as she pleases, constantly shifting away and leaving you wanting just that much more.

“shit, i-i can’t take it,” you cry out, your voice breaking on the last word when her fingers stroke that spot and the tip of her tongue circles your clit at the same time. “you seriously expect me to be p-patient right now?”

“only for a little while longer,” she answers, looking at you from beneath her lashes, her skin the color of rose petals. “could you do that for me? i just don’t want this to end so soon.” you are so wet by now that the sounds of your slick occupy the pauses between her words, the sheets beneath you damp from your own wetness and your sweat.

your eyes slide closed after you regard her entreaty, and you offer no intelligible response besides a low, almost stifled moan. you’ve already made up your mind that you’ll make no promises anyway, because you can’t last much longer like this. the way her fingers move against your walls now, assuredly grazingthat spot every time and no longer purposely missing it, has your mind spinning out of control with the need for climax.

your jaw slackens when her mouth returns to you fully again, sucking up your wetness like it’s much-needed water and her tongue stroking across the most sensitive parts of you. the tension in your body tightens until the snapping point, a shaking and high-pitched gasp escaping your mouth.

you flex your legs so intensely that it makes your ankle hurt, but that pain gets lost somewhere in the rush of your orgasm, which spills forth and fills up every corner of your body simultaneously. your voice stutters out of you so that it sounds like you’re sobbing, and you think you might actually be when a tear or two slips from your eye. still deep inside you, seulgi keeps prolonging your climax until you are spent, sighing and slumping against the headboard at an uncomfortable angle.

seulgi rests her head upon your left leg and listens to your gradually slowing breathing, grinning to herself at being the cause of it.

“come on.” eventually, you pull on seulgi’s arms to bring her closer, and she follows. you taste yourself in the ensuing kiss, but you are more focused on sneaking your hand between her thighs, your fingers sliding in the slick and circling her clit before nudging lower to push inside her. her thighs tense around your hand, and she releases a pleasured moan. she requires no coaxing to rock against your hand, though you provide it anyway because you know she likes to hear you talk her through it. “such a good girl for me, aren’t you? i can’t get enough of you, seul.”

“for you,” she repeats, her head lolling on her shoulders as you crook your fingers into the spot she loves—and that you might possibly love even more, for the way she responds when you do it. one of her hands clenches in your shirt while the other goes to circle her clit as you continue fingering her.

“you’re the prettiest when you touch yourself,” you murmur, your own arousal pooling again even as you focus on her. your lips go to her neck and you nibble the skin gently there, causing her to shudder, the robe falling down her shoulders. the taste of her skin right out of the shower is one of your favorite things, you think.

seulgi‘s orgasm is as sweet as the kiss you share while she squeezes around your fingers. you shift your mouth so you can kiss the sweat beads off the side of her face, her jawline. you laugh quietly, perhaps from how much you enjoyed the pleasure you just shared, and she follows suit after catching her breath. it feels like only you two exist in the world right now, laughing for hardly any reason at all.

although tonight turned into possibly the shittiest night of your career, you think it couldn’t have ended any better than this.

--

you wake up with some of seulgi’s hair in your face, and the sheer familiarity of it has you momentarily forgetting that you’re in another country. you are uncomfortable from sleeping on your back all night due to your foot, but you feel better from having her by your side first thing in the morning. you try not to think too deeply about how your heart throbs just from looking at her sleeping face—how cliche it all feels and yet you aren’t even together.

for some reason, that bothers you this morning more than it has any other morning.

more time passes before seulgi begins stirring against you; the sun has risen higher above the horizon and is now brightening the room considerably even through the curtains. seulgi covers her mouth as she yawns. somehow, this one simple action out of everything else is so endearing to you that it has you speaking before you can reconsider.

“uh, i meant what i said last night, you know,” you say, averting your eyes to the ceiling. maybe it will potentially hurt less if you don’t look.

“which part?” seulgi is still half-asleep as she moves flyaway hairs out of her eyes.

“that we…that we go together, actually. maybe we should do more than just have sex.”

seulgi blinks.

“the songs really all were written with you in mind,” you blurt out, as if it must be said now or never. “not really any relationship i had years ago.”

“you’re serious?” seulgi sits up now, becoming more conscious with each second and her surprise mounting.

“i’m very serious….and feeling a little dumb right now,” you answer, rubbing your hand across your forehead in a nervous gesture. you hadn’t planned for just how nerve-wracking the actual “feelings” part would be; the sex had always been easy.

“but what about danika?” seulgi rushes out, then startles like she hadn’t meant to say that at all.

“danika?”

“i just thought—you two are still close.”

“yes, but that’s been over for years.” at first, you assume that seulgi must be thinking the songs you wrote are actually about danika; but after considering what the other woman proposed to you yesterday, you realize it’s likely deeper than that. you make a move to sit up, and seulgi helps you up when she notices. “there’s nothing between me and danika, and i don’t want there to be. we are close and we play-fight and do stupid shit because that’s how we’ve always been, but i don’t want to do anything that’d make you uncomfortable.”

despite your words, seulgi pulls the robe tight around her shoulders in a self-conscious move. “but i don’t want to, like…intrude. or stop you from having fun with your friends. i’m the new person around here anyway. i mean, what if…i don’t know, i just—”

seulgi’s worries are interrupted when you grab her hands and bring them up to your face, pressing your lips to her knuckles. you keep them there for a few long moments before you lean forward to kiss her, and she responds in kind.

“you don’t have to worry about anything like that, okay? if i say it’s me and you, then it’s me and you. everybody else knows not to fuck with me on that,” you insist, and that pulls a laugh out of her as she shakes her head.

“fine,” she relents with a sigh and a smile, and though it’s just one word, you can tell you’ve eased her thoughts.

“could you trust me?” you ask quietly, still holding her hands. you press them to your chin, if only to feel her on as many places of your body as you can.

“yes. i can.”

the two of you sit like that for a few blissful minutes, simply breathing each other’s air and enjoying each other‘s company, before your phone starts ringing and doesn’t stop. sighing, you see that it’s a call from sherry and know you have to answer or she’ll never stop calling.

“what’s up, sherry?” you ask, leaving one hand free so that you can keep playing with seulgi’s fingers.

“i hate to break up all the fun for you guys, but you’re aware that we’re checking out today, yes?” there’s movement and talking in the background, so you figure the others must be in the room with her. “i’ll be up there for you soon, so don’t even think about complaining. and make sure you have some damn clothes on!”

“of course, mother dearest. anything else i should know?” you quip, giggling.

“anything you should know? yeah: i’m not playing. i’ll carry you outta there if i have to.”

“okay okay, i got it. loud and clear. let me get dressed now, bye!” you hang up the phone before sherry can say anything else and almost go to leap off the bed like you usually would before remembering your ankle is injured.

“y/n!” seulgi exclaims, grasping your arm tight so you don’t slide off the bed. she rolls her eyes before you both laugh at your silly mistake. “looks like i’ll have no choice but to stick around…if only to keep you safe.”

[ironstrange1991]

Strange Love (Part 5)

Pairing: Doctor!Strange x Fem!Reader

Synopsis: When planning a new mission, Y/n ends up getting into a confrontation with one of the Avengers. Meanwhile, Stephen tries to convince her that she needs to learn more about her powers before using them in battle.

Word Count: 6,9k

Warnings: Y/n hates a certain Avenger and has a rather peculiar view of things. This can be uncomfortable for some people who don't agree with her point of view. Other than that, we have sexual content, basically oral sex and penetration with no protection.

A/N: I'm going to endorse all of Y/n's words on the matter at hand because (obviously) that's also my point of view on the matter.

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

Chapter 5: Stand My Ground

Back in your apartment, you concentrated very hard not to think about Loki, but deep down you were feeling bad even though you knew you hadn't done anything wrong. You weren't cheating on Loki, you had been pretty honest about your feelings. You didn't feel the same way about him, something had changed and even if you hadn't said it word by word, he knew that Stephen Strange was responsible for this change. He just didn't know that the Stephen Strange of your universe was involved. You were happy. After so much suffering, you were feeling happy and you couldn't let guilt spoil that.

Tony and Pepper returned to the tower three days later on a busy Thursday. Natasha and Clint were there too, plus Banner and Rogers and Rhodes of course. You liked the feeling of having the Tower crowded with people you liked and cared about. Of course, if you could exclude Rogers from the equation you'd be happier, but that wasn't an option.

However, with Tony's return, you became aware of murmurs and conversations and soon you realized that something was going on, something they needed to sort out and that Tony wasn't telling you. You had no idea what it was and was too distracted to catch anything.

Your mind was lost on Stephen, always on him all day. It was your first thought when you woke up and the last when you went to sleep. You couldn’t deny you were in love with him. Those were definitely symptoms of passion.

Or love. Stephen’s voice sounded in your head and you were shocked.

I'm not the one doing this, sweetheart, you're actually distracting me from what I'm doing.

You smiled to yourself in total surprise.  “Sorry, I don't know how I'm doing this.”

“What are you doing?”  Tony asked coming in and approaching with both hands in his pocket.

Oops, dad caught us. Stephen’s voice teased you.

You concentrated on trying to end that mental link with him and were surprised when you could physically feel it slipping away. As if an uncomfortable pressure on the side of your head disappeared.

“You said you didn't know how you were doing it.”

You decided to stay close to the truth.

“This thing in my head, it's getting out of hand.”

He looked at you worriedly.

“Is everything okay, Tony?”

He smiled trying to hide his concern. “Well, I'm glad you mentioned that thing on your head... I need your help.”

You nodded. “Of course, whatever you need.”

He sat in the sofa next to you. There's a guy, we suspect he has weapons made with technology from Strucker's lab.

“What kind of weapons?” You asked already feeling anxious.

"The dangerous kind. Strucker was working with Loki's scepter.”

“The mind stone.”

Tony agreed.

“Does this guy have a name?”

Tony ran a hand over his face. “I don't know, Rogers knows him. I think he's called Crossbones." He shrugged “You know, nowadays any idiot gives himself a cool name...”

“What…?”

Tony looked at you surprised “Do you know him?”

You nodded. “Worked for Hydra. I know him, but Rogers knows him a lot better.”

Tony shooked his head. “Yeah, It looks like Rogers thought he was dead, but that's not what happened. He came to me asking for help to put an end to the guy.”

Your blood boiled in your veins and you got up. Why did everything that went wrong always have to be related to Steve Rogers?

“Lagos.”

“What’s that?” Tony seemed confused by your sudden irritation.

“Rogers lost him in Lagos. That's when it all happened. The Civil War.”

Tony didn't seem to keep up. “What civil war?”

You sighed in a rare moment of impatience with Tony. “People name big things that happens with the Avengers, Tony. I thought you knew that.” You sighed trying to stay calm. “That's not the point. The Civil War was when the Sokovia accords came out. The fight at Leipzig Airport, all that, that's what they call it.”

Tony nodded getting slightly more serious. Memories of the event flooded back to his mind, apparently.

“Rogers... everything that happened was his fault. What came later with the accords was a consequence of his actions and everything he did…”

Tony ran a hand over his face and seeing him shaken like that just by the memory of that event infuriated you even more, bringing out a protective instinct towards him that you didn't even know existed. Usually you were his protégé, but sometimes Tony needed someone to care for him. Though he liked the name, he was far from being iron made.

“What they did to you, the way they acted... and now he says he didn't solve the case?”

“Listen...” He ran his hand over his face. “I'm not going to defend the guy, he screwed up, but we need to solve this.”

“How can you take this so calmly? Tony, I cried all night when I saw what he did to you.”

Tony took your hand in his. “It doesn’t matter anymore. It's not about him, it's about the people who might get hurt if this lunatic decides to use these weapons. He asked me for help, I'll take over the case, but I need your help.”

He grabbed your shoulder. “Will you help me?”

You sighed. “Of course. I'll do anything for you, Tony.”

He smiled “And I for you.”

You tried to put your thoughts in order. “I'll try to locate him. Is that what you need?”

“Yes. Thank you, darling.”

…

It wasn't long before you managed to see Crossbones. The use of your mental abilities was starting to freak you out. You had no doubt that you had exceptional powers and abilities, but you had no control over them and wondered how far you could go without the help of someone who could teach you how to deal with them.

Crossbones had a secret laboratory in a disused power plant in Ukraine. When you told him what you discovered, Tony called a meeting to decide all the details of the plan for the attack and asked you to pass the information to the other Avengers.

“The plant has been deactivated for more than 40 years.” Natasha informed after researching the name and location that you gave her.

You nodded. “Only Strucker's men roam the place” You explained. “Anyone who stands in our way is an enemy.”

“They don't even imagine we're going, so it will be easier than we thought.” Rhodes stated. “I still think we should put the army in front of this.”

“If we use the army the government will know about the mission and it's not what we want”  Rogers said with his calm voice that always got to irritate you.

“We have the element of surprise, but it won't be easy” Tony explained. “Y/n took a look at the weapons they created.”

“The weapons are dangerous” You  said. “They have weapons with firepower equivalent to half the bomb used on Hiroshima. The others are even more disturbing.”

“What kind of weapons are we talking about?” Rogers asked.

“The dangerous kind” You replied dryly without looking at him. “They are weapons with cognitive-psychic powers.”

Natasha seemed scared and you knew the mind control thing was something that could mess with her because of her forced process to become a Black Widow.

“If they use it, they can turn us against each other” Banner said, understanding.

"It wouldn't be the first time something involving Crossbones has put one Avenger against another," You replied.

“So, what's the plan?” Nat asked.

“I came up...” Rogers started, but you stared at him and he stopped.

“I believe that the weapons reach the mind through a peculiar sound it makes, something imperceptible to our ears, but which has a cognitive behavioral effect.”

“In other words” Tony said smiling at you like a proud father. “Ear plugs developed with nanotechnology.”

Tony showed the devices you created together.

“What if it doesn't work?” Rogers asked. “Or if something goes wrong? We need a plan in case this goes wrong.”

“Like it happened in Lagos?” You asked and he didn't answer. Everyone was silent. “Explain to me, Captain, this is your mess, isn't it? Or does no one else remember what happened in Lagos?” You asked the others sitting now in dead silence. “All those people died because of you. “

“I made a mistake” He said staring his own hands.

“You made many mistakes and I'm sorry if I can't do like everyone else and pretend that nothing happened. Pretending that you and Wanda Maximoff weren't responsible for hundreds of deaths in Nigeria and swallowing your arrogant face wanting to give orders and make plans.”

Everyone was stunned, but you couldn't stop talking, the words just kept coming out of your mouth.

“The great Captain America. The first Avenger.” You looked at him spitting the words like they were poison in your mouth. “You're not living in a bubble anymore, Captain. The world just got bigger. There are bigger fishes now and if we take away the serum and your arrogance, what's left?”

Tony glanced at you understanding exactly where you got those words from.

Rogers remained silent. Fists clenched.

“I'll say... mistakes. It's what's left. Many mistakes. You can play nice all you want, but when things got really tough you weren't there to help. And I'm not talking about guns dealers.”

“Y/n…” Tony’s voice was shaky. “Let it go.”

But you just couldn't let go. Not when you'd seen in Tony's eyes how much it still hurt.

“The missile in NY? Tony. Sokovia in the air? Thor and Tony.”

You took a step towards him. “A spaceship has invaded Manhattan. Where were you?”

He looked at you, clearly shaken by your words.

“You were never there. You're good at making promises, but not very good at keeping them, are you? Unless of course we're talking about your dear friend Bucky. For him all promises are kept. All the... secrets.”

Tony ran a hand over his face.

“So when I say we have a plan, you accept the plan because this is your fault and we are cleaning up the shit you did. Don't question it because you have no right to question. You shouldn't even be here, but I'm not the one who decides, am I? I'm just suggesting that next time, unless you got your hand in that gauntlet and destroyed Thanos and his entire army with a snap of your fingers... shut the fuck up.”

Tony looked at you, clearly upset about the situation, but something in his eyes showed he was glad those words were spoken.

You sighed. “But I'm going to leave now, and you can put together a plan in case I'm wrong and the Captain is right. After all, he likes to be right, even when he rarely is.”

Rogers stared at you mutely as you left the room leaving them in complete silence.

…

You  went up to your apartment and made yourself some tea to try to calm your nerves. You knew perfectly well that you shouldn't have lost control, but you had it all stuck in your throat for years.

You drank tea slowly and distracted yourself finishing some French exercises that were already late and then your phone rang, it was Stephen.

“What you were doing unintentionally” He said. “I think I know a way to help you learn to control.”

 “ How?” You asked confused.

“Well... it involves other issues that I would like to talk about. Can we have dinner tonight?”

You thought for a second. “Of course. Yes, please, I would love to get away from this environment today.”

“What happened?” He asked confused.

“It’s nothing. Well, I'll tell you at dinner.”

“I'll pick you up at 8 pm. What do you think?”

“Great. Will you drive us there or just open a portal?” You asked teasing him.

“Unfortunately I don't think opening a portal it’s a very discreet way to enter a restaurant” He said laughing that deep and dazzling laugh. “At 8pm, then.”

“Can’t wait.”

You hung up the phone and Natasha was behind you.

“I'm sorry, the door was open.”

“No, it wasn’t.” You replied dryly already a bit defensive.

She nodded. “It wasn’t locked.”

“If you came here to scold me, it's a waste of time. Nobody in the world is going to convince me that Steve Rogers didn't deserve to hear that.”

Natasha nodded. “I didn't come to scold you. Rogers can be...difficult to deal with. You don't like him. You don’t need to.”

“Good, I'm relieved to know.”

“Actually I came to ask how you are” She said sitting in the armchair next to you. “After everything that happened... I didn't have the opportunity to say how sorry I am.”

You took a deep breath “Thank you, Nat. I'm fine, I'm feeling better.”

She nodded and then looked at the cell phone in your hand. “And does this improvement have anything to do with this date you are going to?”

You didn't answer right away which she took as a yes.

“Tony said you broke up with Loki”

“I  wasn't talking to Loki.”

She glanced at you with those watchful eyes and then she smiled. “I knew you guys had a thing.”

“We don’t.”

“Yes, you have.” Natasha smiled, seeing you fall into her usual trick. She seemed happy for some reason. “He's a nice guy.  Doctor, sorcerer...”

“Master of the mystic arts” You corrected her and she smiled, seeing you unintentionally confirm it.

“A little bit old and very old-fashioned with that goatee, but if that's what you're into...”

“Are you talking about me?” Tony asked and then apologized. “The door was open.”

“It wasn’t” You and Nat answered in unison.

Tony looked at you with his hands in his pockets. “Rogers left. I think you hurt him.”

You rolled your eyes.

“I came here to thank you. Really. But I don't think it's worth, Y/n... I've already tortured myself too much for everything that happened, I don't want you to suffer for me.”

You shook your head. “I'm sorry, Tony, I just... lost my temper.”

He agreed “That happens. He needed to hear... like twelve percent of everything you said.”

"The rest was a bit mean" Natasha said.

You smiled mischievously and he sat down next to you.

“We’ll keep the plan, then?” You asked.

Natasha nodded. “Apparently yes. It’s a good plan.”

“So, what were you talking about?” Tony asked and you gave Nat a serious look, pleading with your eyes for her not to say anything. She gave you a mischievous smile, but remained silent.

“Remember what I said about doing things I can't control?” You asked once again sticking to the truth.

He nodded.

“Stephen promised to help me. He said there might be a way to control it.

“That's great” He said seeming a bit confused “I didn't know you were talking after... everything that happened.”

You smiled “Stephen is a nice guy.”

“And he is a wizard” Natasha completed.

“Sorcerer” Tony corrected her.

“Is there a difference?”

“I think he prefers the term master of the mystic arts, but sorcerer works too.” You said.

Natasha stared at you with a smile “His goatee is old-fashioned”

“Come on, we're facial hair bros” Tony said indignantly.

“I think this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard” Natasha said getting up. “Anyway, say hi for me when you see him” She said winking and leaving.

Tony looked at you noticing you were staring at him. “What is it?”

You smiled. “I love you” You said hugging him tight. “You are the most important person for me in this world.”

He wrapped you in his arms a bit surprised with the declaration of love. “Then promise me you will never leave.”

You sighed heavily “I promise.”

You laid there cuddled with him and for a second Stephen crossed your mind and you wondered if your relationship with him, not that it was exactly a relationship, perhaps not yet, but your clearly wanted it to be. Anyway, you wondered if Tony would approve. His approval was very important to you because, as you said to him, he was the only one that mattered to you.

…

You were distracted with your chores when the doorbell rang. You answered and Pepper stood at the doorway smiling shyly.

“Hey, are you busy? I can come back later.”

“No. Come in.” You said. She looked apprehensive. “Is everything okay, Pepper?”

She smiled looking around your apartment. “Ah it's so beautiful here now that you put all your stuff. I helped Tony decorate.”

You closed the door “A feminine touch is always nice”

“Yeah, I contained a bit of Tony's extravagances too.”

You gestured towards the sofa. “Thank you for that. Well, sit, please.”

She sat down shyly and you waited for her to say why she was there.

She sighed “Thank you for saying those things earlier today.”

You were surprised.

“I wish I had the courage to say it myself many times, but I'm relieved someone did.” She looked away. “I sleep with Tony every night and I saw what that whole situation did to him. What fighting Thanos, using that gauntlet did to him.”

You nodded “Someone needed to put Rogers in his place.”

She agreed. “Tony suffered a lot from everything that happened, it was very difficult.”

“I know, I... I saw everything Pepper, I suffered from afar for everything that happened and I really wanted to be on his side, I really wanted to be able to say that he was right.”

Your eyes filled with tears that you wiped away.

“You said the other day that coming here was a mistake, but I don't agree. You were the best thing that ever happened to Tony. He needed a friend. He has Rhodes, but it’s not the same.”

You smirked. “Second best thing that happened to him, then. You are everything to him Pepper. You, Rhodes and Happy were the ones who kept him in line, you're the people who never turned their backs on him.”

She nodded. “He loves you very much” She said also getting emotional. “He cares about you, I care about you. You are very important to us. You are part of our family now.”

You shook your head “I know.”

“Tony doesn't think he needs it, but he needs us to take care of him. We are all he has and he is all we have”

…

It was 8 pm and you were ready to leave but you stopped thinking about what you would say to Tony. When he was home, he knew about everything, Friday kept him informed of who was coming and going and that made you rethink the idea of ​​going out by conventional means, but it was too late and you could see Stephen's car parked in front of the tower.

You took a deep breath and went down hoping not to bump at anyone on the way, but as you approached the exit, you saw Tony parking and getting out of the car with Pepper at his side. You watched as Stephen got out of the car and greeted him. 

“I'm sorry to inform you, but I’m not working today. Schedule an appointment with Ms. Potts.” Tony said and then looked at Stephen from head to toe. “It's even weirder to see you dressed like a normal guy, I thought you only wore your monk clothes” Tony said and as you approached  he noted you.

You were wearing a reasonably simple black dress, totally normal, but you still feared what he might think.

“I invited Y/n to dinner. I hope you don't mind” Stephen said ignoring Tony's provocations completely. “Hi, Pepper.”

"Hi Stephen" She replied, smiling.

Tony greeted you with a kiss on your cheek and then turned to look at Stephen. “I'm glad you mentioned it, because I...”

“He doesn't mind at all.” Pepper said answering for him. “Have a great dinner.”

Tony gave up on his argument and the two left, entering the Tower.

Stephen and You looked at each other laughing softly. “Are you sure this is the guy you love?”  He asked teasing you while opening the car door.

"Yes, I do" You said, smiling as you walked in. He turned around, started the engine and drove fast through town.

You had dinner at a beautiful Italian restaurant. Stephen looked even more handsome than the last time you saw him. You loved seeing him in a suit.

"Tony will ask questions" You said, sighing.

“Like everything else, Stark seems to think that you are also his property” Stephen replied looking at the drinks catalogue. You thought you felt a bit of jealousy in his voice, but you also could have imagined it.

“He feels responsible for me and I like having him around taking care of me. I've never had anyone to do that.”

He nodded with a smirk then called the waiter and ordered a shot of whiskey.

“What are you going to tell him if he asks about us.”

You thought for a moment. “I don't know what to say, but it won't take Tony long to figure it out by himself.”

He smirked. “The truth is always a good idea.”

The waiter brought his drink and a bottle of water for you. “Are you ready to order, sir.”

“No, not at the moment.” Stephan replied and the waiter nodded leaving you alone.

“Would it be so absurd to tell the truth?”  He asked and only then you realized how much he wanted that. He wanted Tony to know about it.

“No”

He smiled. “Tell him what you think is best, he will believe anything you say.”

You nodded and he took a sip of his drink and stared at you with those blue eyes seeming to pondering his next words. “Potts seems to handle the situation so naturally.”

“What situation?”

“That romance between you and Tony.”

You smiled. “She came to my apartment today to thank me for defending Tony. She said he needs people to take care of him. I think that proves that she's really okay with our relationship.”

Stephen seemed incredulous “And what did you have to defend him from?”

You sighed. “Not what. Whom. Steve Rogers.”

“Oh, are they fighting again?”

You shrugged. “There is a mission to solve. A madman with psychosomatic weapons made from the Mind Stone. It turns out that this guy is only alive because Rogers faltered and everything that came after, the Sokovia accords, was a consequence of that mistake.”

Stephen shook his head. “I remember all the news at the time, I was still working at the hospital in Manhattan.”

“Please don't tell me you sided with Rogers.”

He denied it. “Both sides seemed wrong at the time.”

You strongly disagreed, but didn't say so.

“Tony asked me to help him find these guy. I found them in Ukraine. We will attack the location and take the weapons. Tony and I put together the plan with the information I got, but Rogers didn't seem to trust my abilities and I ended up losing my temper and saying some things he needed to hear for many years.”

Stephen frowned. “You said we”

“What? Did you hear what I said?”

He nodded “You put Rogers in his place” He said impatiently. “Is it serious that Stark is going to put you in the field on a mission with psychosomatic weapons?”

You blinked surprised with his annoyance. And the way he put it made you falter. “I... haven't asked him yet, but…”

He sighed in relief. “I'll speak to him personally so he won't let you go.”

“Stephen!”

“Listen, I know you feel you can do this and that's what you want, but it's too dangerous and you need training. We barely know how to deal with these skills, imagine in a battle!”

Part of you was ecstatic that he had referred to the situation using "we", indicating that he felt responsible for you, but you strongly disagreed. “I need to help Tony”

“If you want to help him the best way to do it is in the safety of the Tower and not in the field where he will be worried about you and may make mistakes for not being focused on the mission.”

When he put it like that it seemed too obvious. You went silent.

He extended his hand across the table and you took it. “At some point you will become an important part of the Avengers. Your skills can be of extreme help to them, but right now you need to focus on learning to control them.”

I nodded “You're right, I'm being naive.”

He denied “No, you are thinking of defending him as you did when he argued with Rogers, but Stark knows how to take care of himself, I saw him fighting, he is very good.”

You nodded and then he smiled trying to change the subject.

“What happened earlier today, you were having difficulty concentrating, left your mind open and vulnerable for a long time.”

You blushed –“I'm sorry, I don't know how I did that.”

He smiles “You don't have to apologize. I'm glad it happened to me.”

You smiled at him a little sheepishly.

“But it could be very dangerous if in my place it was someone who wanted to harm you, so I suggest we work on that.”

“I don't know how to control it. I didn't do these things before.”

He looked interested “Tell me how this all started.” You thought for a moment trying to remember “They were thoughts. I dreamed sometimes, I could hear things that happened, but they were just suggestions, but it was enough for me to know it was real because I could feel it.” You shook your head “I don’t know how to explain”

"Is that how you made the decision to come here to find Stark?"

You nodded.

“And when did it start to change? To evolve.”

“When I got to NY, I...”

He waited watching you with those suggestive eyes.

“I didn't get the reception I thought I would. Everyone was worried when I arrived, some of them wanted me to come home. Only Tony, Pepper and Natasha stayed by my side, but I still felt like a fish out of water. I felt alone and Thor was all over the place with all that agonizing sadness.” You sighed.

"Keep going" he said.

“His sadness implied an absence...”

Stephen seemed uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation.

“I started thinking too much about Loki. If all this was real, these people, I wanted him to be there, for him to be real for me. But he was dead. Killed by Thanos or so we thought.”

Stephen understood “It was your first mind connection. With Loki.”

“I didn't realize what I was doing. It wasn’t intentional.”

Stephen's discomfort implied a jealousy that was strange and new to you. He barely mentioned Loki's name  “And so he answered. How?”

“ You felt your face blush “He came to me first in my dreams and one night he was in my room. It was the first time I saw him.”

Stephen sighed looking around, called the waiter and turned back to you. “Ready to order?”

You agreed and you ordered your food. You weren't really hungry.

“It's possible that your abilities were suppressed by the environment you lived in. Your parents house was hostile, I imagine, once you decided to leave it all behind and just ran away.”

You nodded, uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation but knowing that at some point it would have to come out.

Stephen soon realized that you didn't want to talk about it and moved on “But once you moved away from the environment that oppressed you your abilities began to expand immeasurably because there was no longer a barrier blocking it’s development, on the contrary, you said that Thor it made you think of Loki, so he was a trigger.”

“But then it kept increasing” You said still confused and trying to understand everything he was explaining to you. “With Loki's presence the visions began and now this...”

Stephen sighed. “Well, the stimulation with Loki around have also increased” He said against his will “The presence of Loki, your sudden relationship with him... I believe that what we are seeing is only a fraction of your capabilities and that they will increase a lot more.”

“My sudden relationship with Loki.” You repeated slight offended.

He grimaced. "It wasn’t exactly a healthy thing."

“Why not?” You asked still not understanding.

“Oh sorry, I thought it was implied in my face of disgust the whole time…”

“It's as natural as any other relationship...”

“With Loki? The god of mischief? Literally  the father of lies…”

You could barely answer and he realized he had overreacted so he just stopped talking.

“It wasn't sudden. I've always been drawn to Loki.”

He agreed sighing “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have spoken like that.”

You agreed and went back to the subject that really mattered. “I'm afraid of these skills, Stephen.”

“You need to learn to have control over them” He said understanding that you were upset “With the right direction there is nothing to fear.”

“Will you teach me?”

He smiled proudly. The idea seemed to amuse him, but he denied it. “Wong would be a better teacher, he has experience and discipline.”

You hesitated a bit “I don't know if it's a good idea, Wong is... too serious.”

Stephen let out a small laugh. “Maybe this is what you need. You need to take this issue more seriously.”

You nodded “I don't understand why I have this... thing. No one in my family does these things. They are normal people. Boring people.”

“Magic, contrary to all the bullshit we see in pop culture, is not hereditary, it is an individual condition that develops in evolved minds.”

“I don't do magic, Stephen.”

“You’re sure?”

You rolled your eyes. “Oh sure, I'll become the next Sorcerer Supreme.”

He smiled  “The Ancient One would have liked you. And she would be the best mentor you could ever dream of having. She taught me everything I know.”

You sighed knowing that it hurt him to think about his mentor. “I'm sorry you lost her. I’m sorry it was too soon.”

He nodded “She told me that she saw all the possibilities of my future. I wonder if she foresaw the things I did and everything that happened after.”

You held his hand “You and Tony saved the world. You are a hero, Doctor Strange.”

He smiled but seemed to disagree “Many people fought that day to save the world.”

“But it was you and Tony who made everything work.”

He agreed in disagree apparently.

You had dinner and got back in the car, Stephen pulled you in for a kiss before starting the engine and driving back to the Tower.

He stopped in front of the entrance and you stared at him confused.

“Won't you come in?”

He denied “I'd rather not risk bumping on Stark again.”

You pulled him to your lips, thrusting your tongue into his mouth in an extremely sexual kiss that demonstrated how much you wanted him.

He smiled cocky. “Wait for me upstairs.”

You smiled in agreement. You went up in the elevator, went straight to your apartment and found Tony waiting for you on the sofa.

He smiled. “I was worried, I needed to see you before bed.”

You closed the door and went to him sitting next to him “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything is fine. I just... with everything that happened I think I am traumatized. Knowing you're not in the tower made me anxious, that's all.”

“I'm fine, you don't have to worry about me all the time, Tony. I don’t want to be a burden.”

He scowled "You only have me to worry about you, I need to make this right. And don’t ever say that again. You are not a burden"

You smiled reassuringly. “Pepper was here this afternoon. She came to thank me for what I said to Rogers.”

He looked surprised. “Really?”

“She cares about you, I care about you and you care about me. I guess that means it's normal to worry about the people we love. We are family, Tony.”

He agreed. “Yeah, you’re right, but let's face it you scared me a few times, like the last few weeks.

You nodded “ I'm sorry.”

“That's okay. Let’s try to put a stone on it.”

You smiled and he hesitated looking curious “But then... going out to dinner with Doctor Strange... I have to admit that it surprised me.”

You smiled trying to sound as casual as possible “He wanted to talk about my skills. He wants Wong to help me to learn more about them. That’s all.”

Tony agreed “That's good. It’s a really good idea.  Will you?”

“I need too.” You agreed trying not to show how nervous you were. There would be no way to explain if Stephen opened a portal and entered there and considering that the Sanctum was not that far away and Stephen drove very fast, this could happen at any moment.

Tony sighed “I like to see you living in this apartment, doing your thing, having friends. I want you to feel well here, it's your home.”

“I know. I will never be able to thank you enough for everything you did for me.”

He got up. “ Just promise me you’ll stay around. You won’t leave. That’s all that matters.”

You smiled “I won’t go anywhere, I promise.”

He smiled then got up “I'll let you rest, now. Goodnight, darling.”

You hugged him tight, stronger than the casual moment asked and he noticed and squeezed you in his arms too. “I Love you, Tony. Good night.”

You  stood there as he left and closed the door. You loved him so much that your chest hurt, You had never loved anyone the way you loved Tony.

You turned Your attention back to the moment and went to your room. You went to the closet and took off your clothes, leaving only your lingerie and you smiled when you heard the soft squeak of the portal opening in the bedroom. You went to him and leaned against the wall, he came to you, both hands on your face and he kissed you deeply and you hold him by the nape of his neck and he pulled you to his lap, your legs wrapped around his hips and he put you on your sideboard leaning against the wall

"I thought you weren't coming" You said into his lips.

He kissed you smiling on your lips “How could I not to come after that kiss?”

You tugged on his suit to get rid of it and he unbuttoned his shirt and took it off. You caressed his bare chest, your lips moved down to his neck and shoulder and you bit down gently there.

He unfastened your bra and took it off and cupped your breast in his hand squeezing gently as his lips trailed down your neck.

"Tony was here a minute before you arrived." Your legs tightened around him, yearning for his touch.

He gently lowered your panties.

“I don't want to talk about Tony Stark right now” He said taking your panties off and then he kissed you again tasting your lips slowly.

“Do you think he would mind if he knew about us?” You asked on his lips.

He brought his hand to the middle of your legs and stroked there gently and then he thrust a finger inside you slowly moving it back and forth.

“ Right now, I really don't care” He said lowly forcing his finger and then put another one penetrating slowly.

You moaned squirming in his hand as he watched you melt away in pleasure. He smiled and kissed you and then picked you up and put you on the bed and spread your legs further with his hands. His lips trailed down your stomach to the inside of your thigh and dipped between your legs where he licked and sucked masterfully, his beard brushing your skin there and the feeling was so good,  you could barely contain yourself.

You moaned loudly holding his hair and he continued and your legs shook with the uncontrollable pleasure he gave you. You pulled Stephen back to your lips and he kissed you smiling while turning his fingers inside you to touch exactly the perfect spot he knew your loved.

“Stephen...”

He penetrated two fingers while stroking your clit with circular gestures of his thumb and you squirmed in his hand and he smiled smugly, completed satisfied of seeing you melting beneath him.

He got up taking off his pants and underwear and came back between your legs making way with his waist. His cock already totally hard, he caressed it for a second and your eyes didn't leave him. He put his fingers on you again feeling all your wetness and then put only the tip on your entrance, hesitating, analyzing, provocating you.

“Stephen…”

He forced himself to enter you with a single thrust and you moaned loudly squirming under him feeling all his huge cock inside you. He leaned back on the mattress and fucked you hard and fast understanding that was the way you liked it.

...

You woke up in the middle of the night and Stephen was sleeping beside you on your bed. You stood there watching him sleep. There was no reason to deny it, You were completely in love with him. He was perfect in everything. The man was a god of sex. He had made your cum three time only in that night.

You got up and dressed your hobby and left the room. You were heading towards the kitchen when you noticed something in the living room and screamed scared.

“It's okay, it's me.” He said leaving the meditation position in which he was. Floating.

“What the hell are you doing?” You asked staring at his scary astral form. He looked like a ghost.

“Meditating... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.”

You stared at him in disbelief. “You're sleeping... how do you do that?”

He smiled. “My body needs to sleep, my mind on the other hand needs to stay active, I like to enjoy the night.”

"That's weird" You said.

“I shouldn't do that here, you're right…”

“It's okay” You smiled looking at him.

“Give me a second, I'll be right back” He said disappearing and you went to the kitchen to drink water. You heard the door opening and he appeared with a sleepy face smiling “That's better.”

He walked over and kissed you softly on the lips.

As you had completely lost sleep you decided to put the kettle on to boil and make some tea.

"Your mind also needs to rest" You said, scolding him.

He agreed “I don't do this every night, well most nights.”

You sighed understanding that there was no point in arguing “You almost scared me to death.”

He sighed leaning in the counter and then changed the subject “You asked me before if Tony would mind if he knew we were together…” He sat on the counter watching you prepare the tea. “Would you like him to know?”

“I'm tired of secrets, Stephen” You said “I’m tired of doing things in secret thinking about what they would say if they knew, but as much as I don't want to care about what everyone has to say...

“You care for what Tony has to say.”

You nodded “He's not just anyone.”

Stephen thanked you when you handed him the cup of tea.

“I don't know what we're doing Stephen, I don't know where you want to go with this, but... you know I'm in love with you and I don't want to have to keep hiding.”

“There is no need to hide it” He looked at you seriously “When you left the Sanctum that day, Wong asked me if I was sure about what I was doing … about you”

“And what did you say”

He cupped your face and pulled you closer to him “That I'm in love with you, that all the things that happened brought us together and that I feel like you're the only person who understands what I'm going through since...”

“I know.”

He smiled “I understand that you have doubts about us, but I don't. Let them know.”

You smiled sipping your tea.

“Do you think Stark would mind?” He seemed concerned about your answer. He was beginning to understand that Tony had a huge influence on you.

“I think Tony wants to see me happy. He's already worried about me too much.

Stephen nodded and then chuckled “Romanoff hinted a while back that we'd have something, Stark wasn't too happy about the idea.”

“When did she say that?”

“When we were trying to rescue you from him.”

You nodded “It's impossible to fool Natasha, she realizes things even before we do. She knows I was going to have dinner with you yesterday.”

He agreed.

You put your empty cup in the counter “I need you to tell me what to do, I... I don't know how to handle any of this alone.”

He hugged you resting his head on your chest and you stroked his hair. You  held his head and kissed him sweetly on the lips. He smiled at you “You'll be fine and you don't have to do anything alone, never again.”

Reblog please! Leave a comment if you liked it. Interact! I will love to read all of your comments and opinions. It inspires me to keep writing!

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[butterflydm]

Bits and Pieces of wot 2x7

Yes, I am continuing to have more thoughts about this episode! Only show spoilers in this post!

The first time Rand gets shielded and forced away by Siuan, it puts him down on both knees. The second time, at the Waygate, he goes down to one knee and braces himself. Minor but I liked it, because it lets Moiraine and Siuan still have their confrontation but it also shows that Rand is adjusting to the sensation and processing it. It's like this time, he's keeping himself ready for the shield to be removed, part of him remembering what Moiraine had said about this feeling being temporary.

In general, the body language that is being used when Rand is shielded is fascinating. You can really see how much it's affecting Rand to be cut off from the One Power -- and Rand never would have guessed that it could possibly affect him this much, I suspect. We even see him reacting to the feeling of the shield being transferred from Leane to Verin. The second it goes away, the impact is instant once he can feel the One Power again.

I also really love the way he concentrates so hard on trying to be delicate when he's cutting the tied-up weave on Moiraine, because we can see how massive and indelicate his power is at the moment and he's focusing so much on being careful. This really was such an amazing bonding moment for Moiraine, Rand, and Lan.

I am also fascinated by how Moiraine's unwillingness to share information with the people she loves most has accidentally given them a harsher view of Rand than if she'd been honest with them. BOTH Lan and Siuan judge Rand for not 'doing his duty' because Moiraine did not tell either of them that Rand believed that he already had. Rand thought living low and staying away from the people he loved would protect them because he thought he'd already defeated the Dark One. He's been avoiding using the One Power because he thought he didn't need it anymore to face the Dark One and he didn't want to accelerate the process of going mad and hurting other people.

(and Rand doesn't correct them because he feels guilty and probably feels like he should have known that TDO wasn't really gone)

Lanfear making such a public show of striding through the Foregate and causing mayhem and destruction, knowing that the Amyrlin will realize that this destruction was meant as a distraction to help free Rand -- and then she got the unexpected boon of actually get to talk to Rand in front of said Amyrlin. But it all feels like a big ol' "The Shadow already owns the Dragon" message being deliberately sent to the White Tower.

I've mentioned that Lanfear does a good job not doing anything 'too bad' when she's actually around Rand, but the show makes a point of having Rand notice the chaos and destruction that is happening out in the city when his jail break occurs.

I'm just going to make a note as to each Sister's position on The Dragon Situation, so that I'll have it down for the next time we return to this storyline (which I suspect will be in s3):

Team Cage:

Siuan -- she feels like Moiraine failed with Rand and, after this episode, she may feel that Moiraine failed with Rand deliberately, because she may believe that Moiraine and Lan are Darkfriends. She's seen both that the Dragon doesn't have any control over his powers and that he is willing to make deals with the Forsaken.

Leane -- she seemed completely disgusted with Moiraine in the prison cell scenes, and doesn't seem thrilled with her at the start of the episode either.

Since Leane doesn't seem shocked at someone else showing up to take Rand's shield at the end of the episode, that implies that the rest of the Aes Sedai with Siuan may have been briefed on the situation after Siuan decided to pull the trigger on Plan B.

And the rest of the Aes Sedai who were on the wall to link with Siuan and put out the fire in the Foregate -- fires caused when one of the Forsaken came to help break Rand out of prison. That probably doesn't bode well for them to think kindly of Rand.

We don't have names for most of these Aes Sedai, but I saw Joiya from 2x1 there. I did not see Yacissa on the wall with Siuan. There are 8 sisters with Siuan on the wall. There were 16 total in Cairhien (who weren't Moiraine) -- 2 per Ajah plus Siuan and Leane. So that's eight who are not currently here -- this includes Liandrin, Verin, and Alanna and we know what they went off to do. Yacissa and four other Sisters are not currently accounted.

Team Dragon:

Moiraine -- I mean, we know her position. She's been extremely clear this season. "Protecting Rand, guiding him, is the only thing that matters." She has been willing to burn down everything else in her life to try to protect and guide Rand.

Verin -- almost certainly openly known to be in collaboration with Moiraine at this point; she misleads Leane into handing over Rand's shield and then Rand escapes with Moiraine. I would not recommend she stay in Cairhien or return to Tar Valon.

Alanna -- covertly helps Lan; Siuan may or may not have learned about the fact that she is Team Dragon. Does not have an opinion on Rand himself.

Team Shadow:

Liandrin -- her affiliations may or may not be revealed, depending on what Anvaere or Barthanes might report. She didn't use her name while she was in the Damodred manor but a brief description could probably pinpoint which Aes Sedai gave Barthanes his orders.

[iam93percentstardust]

i don't usually do these kinds of things, but today was a nightmare of a day, so here's a vent post (it's long, so i'll put it below the read more)

the cast:

gina: PI for my research lab, was one of the very first people to catch covid back before we even knew what covid was and immediately developed long covid, is currently in her 4th year of an incredibly nasty divorce, has been so unhelpful and not present as a mentor in the last 4 years that we would all just like her to take a sabbatical please

me (alle): 6th year senior graduate student, was supposed to graduate this summer but had a nervous breakdown in the spring and deferred a semester, senior TA for gina's super special chemistry and politics class which i will inevitably wind up taking over when gina's health takes the same nosedive it's taken every semester for the last 4 years but god forbid i get paid as a lecturer, has put more hours into gina's super special chemistry and politics class than gina has which keeps me too busy to actually do anything for my dissertation

mingyu: 6th year senior graduate student, the literal definition of stoic, has had the good fortune of receiving federal funding for his project so doesn't have to TA, was also supposed to graduate this summer but gina decided to take on a new student (mina) at the last minute that he just has to train so he had to defer a semester, is so busy training mina that he doesn't have time for his own research

tessa: 4th year senior graduate student, junior TA for gina's super special chemistry and politics class, also the only graduate student who works with undergrads in the lab (she manages 6 of them), also got voluntold by gina to mentor two high school students this summer, TA + undergrads + high schoolers = no time for research, used to mentor ahmad but she is competent and he is not and it didn't end well

ahmad: 3rd year graduate student, the most incompetent man you'll ever meet despite being 10 years older than everyone else in the group (save for gina), 95% positive he faked his credentials to get into grad school because this man does not know shit despite being here for three years, this man poured liquid nitrogen down the drain and nearly ruined the 100 year old pipes in this building, this man told tessa's undergrads to catch concentrated hydrochloric acid with their bare hands, this man does not understand the concept of playing well with others and putting other people first, if there's an interpersonal conflict in the lab it's because he started it

mina: technically 3rd year graduate student but decided to abruptly switch research groups because apparently there are no jobs in inorganic chemistry anymore so she needs a biochem group (we are not biochem) ((and she refused to change her project so her research is still inorganic chemistry so i'm not sure what good this is doing))

kiara and darya: technically 2nd year graduate students but did the same thing as mina, not super relevant but i'll mention their names at one point or another, the most recent people to join the group three months ago

the background:

a month ago, tessa was supposed to give group meeting. gina cancelled that group meeting however, just like she's cancelled all but a handful of our group meetings for the last four years (i think i can probably count on two hands the number of group meetings we've had since her arrest. maybe). this would usually mean that tessa would present at the next group meeting, but gina cancelled that one too. for whatever reason, tessa took that to mean that she wasn't supposed to be presenting at the one two weeks ago. gina got (rightfully) pissy at her when tessa said she didn't have anything to present and hadn't even brought her computer, so gina told her to do a "chalk talk" where she outlined her entire project on the board for the high schoolers and new grad students.

(side note: gina explicitly said that chalk talks were a perfectly acceptable form of group meeting if we have new students in the lab and are trying to introduce them to each project or if we're trying to give her a summary of how far we've gotten on our project.)

i was supposed to go next for group meeting (which would have been last week), so i prepared a standard presentation with mostly data, but then i learned that we had two new grad students interviewing with us and that one of the high schoolers is interested in my research field, so i switched at the last second to a chalk talk to break down this project.

but then we got to group meeting last week and three things happened: first of all, gina apparently asked tessa to prepare a presentation on professional communication in the lab after a huge blowup between tessa and ahmad over ahmad stealing tessa's enzymes for his own project and not replacing them. secondly, out of the seven people in the lab (not including the two high schoolers), the only people who showed up in person were the three senior grad students (myself, tessa, and mingyu) so none of the new people who would have benefitted from a chalk talk were there (doubly funny that it was put together with ahmad in mind and he decided to sleep in). which would have been fine, i would have just switched to the original powerpoint presentation, except thirdly, gina decided that she needed extra time before class to get into the right headspace (since group meeting is right before class) and it became really obvious really fast that despite tessa originally thinking her part would only take 10 minutes, gina wanted to talk about everything in excruciating detail for an hour.

(side note: when i mentioned i was originally planning a chalk talk, gina was not only explicitly fine with this, but interested in seeing how i would break my work down.)

this would've meant that i would go this week, but gina said, and i directly quote, "instead of giving group meeting, alle, come meet with me personally." so we met and she reiterated that my meeting with her was instead of group meeting.

the story:

gina being the world's worst mentor, this wouldn't be the first time that she's gone back on something she said, so i was still prepared to give group meeting this morning. that is, until saturday. on saturday, she texted everyone to say that she had caught the flu and wouldn't be on campus today. yesterday, she texted us all again to remind us that she had the flu. now, given the four years of history with gina, i expected that meant that she would text us all this morning to say she was cancelling group meeting, but just in case, i made sure to wake up early enough to make it to campus on time.

this morning rolls around and she still has the flu, but wonder of wonders, she did actually want to hold group meeting but she wanted it to be short and over zoom. okay, fine. in the past, the words "short group meeting" from gina has meant that she wants a 2 minute research update from everyone and then she'll spend 20-30 minutes talking about her life and her personal problems, and we might circle back around at the end to talk about some housekeeping things (which we could have today, since conference registration in the fall is coming up). so i thought "okay, i'm off the hook until next week."

so we sit down for the zoom meeting (miracle of miracles, the four people who decided to skip out on last week's meeting (ahmad, mina, kiara, and darya (the junior grad students, for anyone counting)) were actually there) and gina immediately starts things off with "who's presenting group meeting today?" and i thought "well shit." but it's fine, it's okay, it's a little frustrating because it's a lot harder to do a chalk talk over zoom so i need to do the presentation, which is definitely not short, but it's fine.

but before i can even pull up the powerpoint, someone said "it's alle's turn from last week" (given his inability to stop himself from brown nosing and starting shit, i suspect it was ahmad) and gina. went. off. apparently the fact that i didn't already have the powerpoint pulled up and wasn't prepared to start talking as soon as we sat down meant that i was completely wholly unprepared for the entire thing. so she goes "alle why didn't you say anything when i asked? what are you supposed to be presenting? why didn't you bother to pay attention to the schedule?"

and i tried to say that i didn't say anything because i was originally planning on a chalk talk and that sends her off too because apparently, in the last week, chalk talks have become completely unacceptable to give in this group and tessa only gave one because she didn't have a computer with her during the group meeting she was supposed to present at but that doesn't mean that i can do one too, so again, clearly i'm not prepared.

this time i actually managed to get a word in edgewise, so i said "i do have a powerpoint i've been working on in the last few weeks, i just don't have it pulled up yet." hell, i could've actually shared two, depending on how long she wanted me to talk: the data one, which would've taken about an hour, and the one from the conference at the end of may, which would've been a great project summary for the new people and only about 20 minutes.

(side note: gina's never actually seen my conference presentation because she cancelled all of my group meetings where i would have practiced and "rescheduled" personal meetings i was supposed to have with her only to not go to them and didn't bother to show up to my actual talk, which i was terrified about given the aforementioned nervous breakdown.)

i was actively in the process of pulling it up, but before i can share my screen, she snaps no, once again, i've just proven that i'm unprepared and why is it always the senior grad students in this lab who are so unprepared (this is literally the first time i've ever, in seven years, been expected to present at group meeting and not been ready for it, and the sole reason i wasn't ready was because gina herself said she was sick and needed a short meeting) and why does no one in this lab (especially the senior grad students, according to her) take group meeting seriously (again, i can count on two hands the number of times we've had group meeting in four fucking years and more to the point, ahmad keeps skipping group meeting because he decides he didn't get enough sleep to go even when he's not presenting, but sure gina, the senior grad students are the ones not taking this seriously (also, remember who was present at last week's meeting and who skipped?)).

so then she goes off on mingyu because apparently the group meeting calendar that he put together isn't up to her standards. and not only does he need to do it all over again, but he needs to print it out and put it in the lab somewhere so that people stop being unprepared, even though that won't do any good given the number of times gina cancels (and the reason no one has been prepared is because she keeps cancelling and we lose track of who's supposed to present when when it's been two months since the last one, AND I WASN'T READY BECAUSE SHE SAID WAS SICK AND WANTED A SHORT MEETING).

and then she decided that we aren't having group meeting next week because she has jury duty and despite calling the courthouse, they're not letting her skip out on it (which, gina, what? no one ever gets out of jury duty by calling, that's not how jury duty in this city works). but when we have the next group meeting, tessa needs to go again to present the data from two weeks ago that she didn't present and then i need to go and, oh yeah, mina needs to go by the end of july because she has a conference and needs to practice (remember when gina cancelled all of my practices and talks with her before my conference presentation? lol yeah me too).

(side note: it has been a year and a half since ahmad last presented at group meeting, it's been a year since mina last presented, and kiara and darya have never presented despite being here for three months. every time gina resets group meeting, it's always me, tessa, or mingyu having to present.)

and then after 20 minutes of yelling at us, after all of that and making it clear that being unprepared for group meeting was unacceptable and the senior grad students were embarrassing her... gina decided she was too sick to continue with group meeting and told us all to go.