#and like I don't think any of the part 3 songs work out of context because the whack ass narration is a big part of it

[doedipus]

I really need a release of kglw's murder of the universe that just stitches together all of the songs in each section

[etherfabric]

Messages for Reassurance + Songs

Choose a pile by which picture you resonate with the most.

If your mind is too busy to clearly decide, take a few deep breaths, and use the finger of your non-dominant hand to hover over the images. One will give off the most subtle yet prominent signals, like tingles, a magnetic pull, or temperature. This is your pile. Multiples are also possible.

You are the ultimate authority over your life. I merely provide my perspective. Sometimes the Universe lines you up with something that doesn't resonate with your truth, so you have contrast to find out what does. Never give away your power.

Pile 1

Knight of Cups, High Priestess

The hope inside of you is not delusion. You are safe to go after the things that seem promising and enriching. The days where you couldn't hear your gut well enough to listen to it are gone. Serendipities of various sizes permeate your day to day life, and it feels almost to good to be true. Did you really make it? Yes, dear. You did. You embraced your shadows enough to bask in the sun again.

Of course this is no utopia, and the frights of the past have sharpened your foresight to real possibilities, but believe yourself when you can't feel any danger closeby. You are stronger, smarter, and in better company than ever before. Now all there is left to do is putting some weight in those timid steps towards your bliss. Don't worry about tripping - you'll land on your foundation and get up again, eyes forward, one foot in front of the other. You will get there as soon as you fully arrive internally, and you are so close to completion already. You will see it once you believe it.

Pile 2

6 of Wands, The Hanged Man

You are exactly where you are supposed to be, in the exact context and circumstances you see at this very moment, inside and out. The conditions are perfect for you thrive in. You might have to get a little unorthodox in your approaches, and the shape of other people's successes sometimes clouds your inspiration, but let good be good enough for now. Think of past you - they prayed to have what you have now.

Okay, yes, they were a little misguided in a few details of their wishes (thankfully rejection is divine protection), and in thinking once you would be here, everything would be perfect - life is still life, you are still human - but the lessons that led you here widened your understanding of how everything had to happen this way. Guess what, future you will look back at this very moment with the exact same wisdom and compassion.

You can work with what you have at your disposal and rightfully expect the glory of tangible progress. Just keep doing what you are doing already, keep it simple and managable, and there will be nothing significant standing in your way. Those bouts of stagnation? That's where the depth of your skills comes from in the first place. Just like muscles, the soul and mind need their periods of liminal passivity to come back with full force to charge you ahead. You are on the right track. You are doing great. You can be proud of yourself.

Pile 3

Page of Swords, 10 of Wands

Oh dear. It's okay to say you are tired. It's okay to break apart. It's okay to hurt and just want to quit it all. Why are you carrying all this by yourself, tasks and thoughts alike? Don't you know the relief once you put them both down? For the thoughts: Speak, write, scream. To somebody, or nobody. The most important part is admitting it. Then at least you are freed of the burden to act like everything is fine. I know you are scared, I know you wouldn't be in this situation in the first place if you knew for sure you could let go. But I trust in the magic of coincidences, and you reading this right now tells me you need to stop swimming against the current and let the flow carry you downstream.

Stop clinging to things that only stay if you wreck yourself. The tide will wash them out of your hands anyway, because soon you will reach your body's limits, and then the decision will be made for you. Let the dam break. Let nature take its course. You are so smart and truly believed the best, I can see that, and it's no lack of character that caused things to go this way. But this wasn't meant for you. I know it hurts. I hurt with you. But once you stop fighting gravity, you will be drawn to what is truly for you. Put the burden down. I know you had the best intentions, but it's over. You can rest now.

Pile 4

9 of Cups, Knight of Pentacles

You already know this, but slow and steady does indeed win the race. Instead of doing a million things exhausting yourself, you are focusing on a handful of daily tasks, knowing they will lead you exactly where you want to be. Time and consistency are on your side. You know you don't have to be perfect and can always pick up where you left off. Appreciation from outside sources resonates with your own satisfaction about how things are playing out for you.

Your longterm goals seem closer than ever. You have your routine down pat, and trust in your ability of finding even better tweaks and spins for it in the future. This calm air of confidence looks so good on you! You have earned it. You can read the signs relative to your success, know which road to take, and which pitfalls to avoid. You feel incredibly rich and know how to pass the time until certain things come to fruition. It used to make you anxious when you were faced with slowpaced processes, and you fell back on less sustainable approaches to selfsoothe. Now you appreciate the journey itself, even welcome the delays, so you have ample time to smell the flowers on the side of the road.

[two-dolla-bills]

Top 10 mechanisms songs that you can get away with playing at a retailers without too many side eyes

I got a job in retail and I felt inspired lol

Disclaimer: this is not a list of the best mechanisms songs/the ones I think deserve to go "mainstream", they're just the ones that would blend in the best

1. Sirens

This song is probably the mechanisms' least "centered" song. It doesn't mention any characters, it has no narration, and out of context it just sounds like A Song that you might hear on the radio. Sirens is to the mechanisms as you're the one that I want is to grease, you know?

2. Trial by song

THIS one. It's in the same category to me as Sirens; you can listen to it by itself and not suspect much. Unlike Sirens which can be completely separated and still make sense, this one is more like a whole new world from Aladdin. There are parts that make it obvious that it's from a larger whole, but if you just so happen to catch the "safe" parts you won't suspect much.

Points were deducted due to Mr. Soldier's unique vocals. (Unique as in not very common in mainstream music)

3. Empty trail

This is no offense to Dr. La Cognizzi, but sometimes when she sings it's hard to make out what she's saying, which works in her favor in these circumstances. It sounds country/rock, which help it blend in with some dad rock songs. If I remember correctly, the melody was actually taken from a Led Zeppelin song, so if you aren't paying attention to what's ACTUALLY being said you can get away with claiming it's a cover.

4. Ties that bind

Although this one does mention many plot points, many fans have stated that they had no idea what the fuck was being said until the have looked for the lyrics (myself included) this, combined with it's jazzy rythm, make it able to blend in with other songs, similarly to empty trail

5. Odin

The most "normal" song out of the entirety of The Bifrost Incident. This song made it to the top five because it has similarities with Roam by the B-52's, but had points deducted due to it clearly being about an awesome space train

6. Lost in the cosmos

This might just be personal opinion, but it sounds like a church song. You can pull off the effect of it being about earth Jesus and not space robot Jesus if you have particularly bad quality speakers and a busy store w/lots of noise. Again, the lyrics kinda give it away as to not being entirely main stream

7. Stranger

Look it's a banger, ok? Many of the lyrics could be taken as just being metaphors, but I feel like you have to squint to "see" it. Pay too much attention and shit gets a little weird. Also, points deducted because it's two men singing together and not a man and a woman, which throws a wrench into the works. At kohl's it might raise some eyebrows but in like hot topic it'll blend in a little better

8. Redeath

You would think a song about a sphoenix (space phoenix) would be lower on the list but you'd be wrong. It's a really pretty song with a good original melody, and it's something that can be drowned out by a particularly rowdy crowd. Like Stranger, it would blend in better at a hot topic than at kohl's, but only slightly.

9. Elysian Fields

The melody in Elysian Fields is taken directly from the song wayfaring stranger, which has been coverd by Jonny Cash, Ed Sheeran, Poor Man's Poison, and The Longest Johns, AS WELL HAS having been featured in the movie 1917 and in the video game The Last of Us II, which make it very recognizable. Because of this recognizability, people who know the original song may be caught off guard by hearing it in a Walmart with completely different lyrics. It was originally in 7th place, but the popularity of the original takes off many points

10. Once and future king

It's a banger, don't get me wrong, but it also very heavily and clearly mentions plot points from the album, which itself is heavily base on Aurtharian mythology; something very well known in the western world (also the names are not common at all and most haven't been in fashion in centuries). In a crowded, busy space with not very good quality speakers it could potentially blend in, but one or two names might sneak out. The only reason it's on the list is because of the instrumental outro, which sounds normal enough

[dtmsrpfcringe]

We don't hate women. We hate women who are abusive towards their partners.

Michael and David both deserve better and just because you want to buy into what PR and social media tells you, you don't have to attack other people for being upset over actors they care about possibly not being happy.

David wouldn't leave Georgia, they are married and have children, so he feels responsible. He always puts other people before himself. And Anna played it well with the babies, as harsh as it sounds. Michael would feel terrible leaving the girls. People staying in relationships doesn't prove you right, sadly. It's no sign of anything other than commitment and commitment doesn't always come from a place of love.

By saying that Michael and David shippers want to see them unhappy in their relationship, you show that you're missing the point. The whole point of shipping them is wanting them to be happy. You just want to be hateful towards people who don't suppprt your narrative, it seems.

GOD I WISH TUMBLR WOULD LET ME ADD TEXTS BEFORE ASKS SO I COULD SAY “Warning: you’re about to hear one of the most moronic takes I have ever heard” *insert gif of amanojaku from ghost stories here* okay let’s…we have to break this down it’s too much for me to just laugh at and go “wow this is dumb as hell”

“We don’t hate women, we just make up stuff so we can justify hating them”- you. where’s…where’s any shred of proof that either women are even a little bit abusive? I mean don’t you think we would have seen some of that by now? And no, enty lawyer doesn’t count as proof and neither does random screenshots of a bit of text with zero context. Also neither do jokes online with your partner when they’re okay with it (and make the same jokes quite literally all the time) and nobody sees a problem with it except the people that conveniently hate these women.

2. “Michael and David both deserve better” yes I’m sure the rich white middle aged men who are two of the most popular actors in their countries who have girlfriends/wives and kids who love and adore them are surely hurting because some weirdo on tumblr says it.

3. Hate to tell you this but married people with children divorce all the time. It’s not like if they divorce he is going to suddenly vanish in a puff of smoke babe.

4. Even if that’s true, your theory of him only staying out of responsibility is bullshit. Someone who stays for the kids isn’t going to dip their wife into a kiss on the red carpet and look at her like a hozier song sounds. If there’s any event or interview where he can find a way to praise Georgia, he does it. He always talks about her. After events they’ve been seen kissing deeply and walking arm in arm honeymoon style.

5. as for Anna and Michael, (David and Georgia too but they seem more open to pda) they don’t owe you pda. Michael has been more than adamant about defending his girlfriend on twitter and good for him about it.

6. if you guys were genuinely concerned with Michael and David’s impending relationship crashes, why is it always tied to their love for one another? The only people who see This rampant “abuse and unhappiness” is this group of people who believe David and Michael are actually in love and want to elope together. Nobody else. Not even other Sheenant shippers. You guys literally just hate them, I mean Invisibleicewands has been talking shit on Anna since she posted her first photo with Michael back in 2019 and hasn’t stopped.

7. “And Anna played it well with the babies, as harsh as it sounds.” seriously what the absolute crap is this supposed to mean my dude? I’ve gotta be honest….you know how smex works right? Michael could absolutely choose to use protection!!! Why is it on her? Not on him. He’s had kids before I think he knows that a stork doesn’t bring the baby. Holy hell you people make my eyes hurt

8. (finally) funny you should bring up narratives, you know considering you’re part of the group that thinks any affection towards anybody else that isn’t them is PR (thinking of the Joseph Fiennes hug fiasco) that lied about Georgia and Anna being abusive, that has tried time and time again and moved the goalpost, that fabricates evidence and tries to send death threats to people who speak out, and then lie about it, that your group is the one who can’t handle women working together and have to call everything PR. The same group that ignores the fact that Anna and Georgia are friends, to talk grave shit on them. Newsflash sweetheart, we aren’t the ones pushing the narrative here. You only want to see David and Michael happy as long as it aligns with your delusion. Have the day you deserve.

anyways, I think this is going to be my pinned post. Mostly because I want this to be embarrassing if you ever try to come back here and lie on Betty whites internet again, but also because I think this addresses so many tin hat talking points at once. Just because we love aziraphale and crowley doesn't mean we get the right to insert ourselves into their personal lives, you wouldn't want someone else praying for your relationship to fail.

[psychelis-new]

pick a pile: "How people view you through your (main) social media account?"

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to find out what people may think of you or how they may perceive you from what they see of you (what you allow them to see of you and your life) on your most used/most followed social media account. thank you Anon for your suggestion!

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one pile, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

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1 2 3

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pile 1

People see you as someone private/reserved. You may be sharing photos or words if something really happens and you really feel like sharing about it but even more... when you remember. You may not be that social (at least online in specific contexts). Or maybe you don't have too much time to spend online for fun and you rather just scroll through your feed and enjoy random stuff (art, videos, photos especially by famous creators/memes or such. You rather be entertained than entertain). You may filter what you post/say or you literally add different filters on or edit your photos/videos a lot... Anyway the result is pretty pleasing to the eye, maybe you follow a certain pattern in your posts (aesthetically, so you cannot always post pictures if they don't resonate with the whole page).

It seems you kinda hide part of yourself or what you do, it feels like you're mysterious/there's more about you; but you don't have to do it (=be this reserved/mysterious) on purpose, it may just be your way to behave online. As said you may just post occasionally also cause you may not like social medias that much or feel too comfortable with them (maybe you don't enjoy the drama around them, the people lurking on you or you don't want to really be seen/found by too many people; some of you may fear your account being found by someone you don't want to discover you or you had bad experiences with someone stalking you and now you're trying to act differently online and use a more-difficult-to-be-recognized nickname and persona). Maybe some of you created an account somewhere just to try how it works or what can happen. You more likely have a specific social media you like and feel good at using and sharing stuff on, while you may not like many others (let's say you feel good on tumblr but not on insta/fb/tiktok/x..., for example). Some of you may even have a private account you made viewable basically only to friends. Wait... maybe you're the one lurking on others (at least to an extent)? If it's so, all I'm gonna say now is: please try to work on your demons before bringing them out on others.

song: i see red | everybody loves an outlaw

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pile 2

I heard "break the internet". So maybe you're some type of internet famous (every post reaches lot of public and gets interactions easily) or you may actually use socials for marketing or work in communication/advertising or something like that. Maybe you are in charge for someone's/some associations' feed or like a shop or something. Anyway, you seem to share good vibes and bring support and encouragement to others. You may share your values (or those the brand you work for represents) too, not just what you do for fun or how to make the best of what you have. And you may have created a large public/community around you, even if you don't know. People do see you as inspiring and really like to know about you or hear from you. You may bring comfort and relief, make them feel special and heard/seen. I don't feel like you have many haters or if you do, they don't seem to be too communicative about their feelings: maybe they also fear you or something. Maybe you also don't care much about them: well done! For a few: you'd like to become famous online and trying to go viral anytime you can or you'd like to work with social medias (even as a social media manager).

We all know social medias have particular rules and in order to make it you need to keep in mind different aspects of your communication, schedule things in advance when possible and be constant (ofc there may be a lucky post, but it needs to be supported by others). But anyway, you kinda have "it"? It seems you have good ideas, you're fun, you give entertainment and many different occasions for interactions with your public: this helps your image/work spread around. You may have a good amount of followers/public waiting for your next post, you may also be good at creating the right hype about it. And ofc, you're good also at what you do, like the main subject of your feed: eg. let's say you're a photographer, you're pretty talented at taking photos; same if you're an astrologer, you're very good at reading charts. But you're also good at how you communicate/share about yourself when you aren't posting about your specific "field". If you're not there yet, I think you mostly need to work on the boring part of this, like learning how to work properly on each platform as all of them have their own rules. It can be really really boring, but if you have the passion and will, and you're ready to say goodbye to holidays for a while... it's worth it. This is also why it's important that you find what works for you.

Ofc, remind yourself of yourself. You're important, you have needs and... it's good to show them to others too. You may at times not share about your lows, and keep them for yourself, but they're part of life as well. You won't lose followers if you do this. I think they'd appreciate you even more. And... having lot of followers won't make your loneliness better. Sure they seem to care about you but, not everyone can stay through ups and downs, they're there mostly for what you give them (find your balance here). Just needed to remind some of you about this. Keep working on yourself, while you also enjoy your time online. Try to not make of it another reason of stress, go with the flow.

song: they don't really know | enbound

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pile 3

I think people see you as very pretty and young. You may seem naive on occasion, kinda childish-like but not in a negative way. People thinks you're cute mostly. I get very feminine and young energy here, no matter what is your gender (if you recognize yourself in any). You may also be a nostalgic person and may like to share events/things from the past, maybe you also like to take photos with polaroids or analog cameras or you add a pretty nostalgic filter/editing to your photos. You may also share inside jokes with your friends or family on social medias.

I think you may have not been that much into social medias at first or you weren't good at using them well, but now you're enjoying them more. You use them mostly to keep in touch with friends, share about your parties/nights out or travels, and every funny event you may happen to be around/join. You may like to post photos/videos taken with your friends indeed. You may end up occasionally posting the wrong stuff by accident like you may share on public some photos you should keep on private and similar but all in all people see you as a funny character. Maybe a little clumsy, but very much pretty and cute. You may also use social medias to too keep yourself updated about celebrities and to gossip with your friends too. I feel like you may be using eg. insta and share pics of your travels, of gifts, shopping/spa days with friends and maybe pics of yourself in beautiful places all taken by your friends. Or maybe by your partner. I get more likely a group of at least 3-4 people tbh but ofc I could be wrong, and it could also be family. I feel some influencer-style vibes here. Kinda aesthetic posts, but more in the sense of the vibe you give through them. Again like, lot of fun and interesting stuff going on in your life. An... autumn-core (does this exist?), cottagecore, travelcore, studycore, whatever brownish-pastels-core you feel like may pertain. Yeah you may be sharing a lot also about your studies those very aesthetically pleasing well written notes or images of you drinking coffee in front of a computer. Since I feel a young energy it may resonate with you still being a student or at the initial stages of a job but ofc it doesn't have to. You may also be studying abroad hence why you share a lot about travels and try to keep in touch with family/friends also through socials and the nostalgic vibe I got in the beginning.

song: don't cry | guns'n'roses (I hope you're really not crying darling... unless you need to ofc)

[anotherbummer]

Good Omens Season 3 Confirmed (trailer)

jk jk but could you imagine if any of this happened

I told myself I wouldn't go crazy working on this and then I ended up with 5 spreadsheets of dialogue trying to piece together this puzzle. Also I will need everyone to cut me some slack because I made this entire video on my phone while I was manic.

On that note, this trailer is largely based on 2 of my favorite Good Omens fics: Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma: An Integrative Approach by @mouseonamoose and Factory Settings by Anonymous. I love the idea of Crowley and Aziraphale having a therapist and it always reminded me of the character Dr. Linda Martin who plays the devil's therapist in the series Lucifer (Based on characters created by Neil Gaiman!) Also I tried really hard to hint at different parts of the Factory Setting story through clips, especially with clips of Crowley grabbing his glasses (which in this case would be Raphael wearing Crowley's glasses, which is a pretty big plot point in the story).

Lots of the audio clips and dialogue comes from the show itself (and a few clips from Lucifer), but I did comb through some clips of other shows that the actors were in, like Michael Sheen in Passengers, and David Tennant in Inside Man, etc. However the longer audio clips of "god" speaking are direct quotes from the Factory Setting fic (although I am almost certain that Raphael says them when he gets the Book of Life, So technically speaking, these lines are used out of context). I just ran the lines through a text to voice generator and then added a "godly/celestial" effect to it, which worked a lot better than I though it was going to. I had LOTS of potential dialogue I could have used but it didn't all fit super well together in the sense that it didn't either sound like the character speaking, or it didn't flow like a normal conversation. Believe me I tried, my phone can only do so much.

The music choice was obviously chosen on purpose, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (Epic Mix) by Mark Petrie, for the purpose of pacing, I slowed it down slightly. I really liked the idea of using this song since the Factory Setting story partially revolves around "the second coming" baby and since we are nearing the Christmas season, it just seemed like sense to work on this now. The lyrics get pretty repetitive but I do wish I could have thrown in the "Fear not then, said the Angel. Let nothing you affright" verse somewhere in there.

Don't ask me to explain the actual plot of this I really just mashed two fanfics together and called it a day. I thinks that's all the notes I had.

[ladykailitha]

Never Hold Back Your Step... Part 13

This really is getting down to the end here. I'm already at the Mind Flayer in the spot where I'm at in the story so...yeah. Then it would just one chapter after that. Maybe. I don't know. But it's sad to see this one go, too.

Of course as with "Can Anybody See Me?" once this is done, I will begin work on the final story which will take us all the way to the end of the fourth season. Which I hope to get done before season 5. Ideally.

It will have a line from a song in a musical just like the last two (1776 and The Scarlet Pimpernel respectively) so you have any songs you think will fit the theme of the third book (which will be Steve and Eddie clashing over nerds vs sports until that fateful day in March) let me know in the comments or tags or even a DM or ask. It took me months to come up with the title for this one, so any help would be great.

Here we have the dipshit detectives trying to figure out the message and the "secret tunnel".

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12

~

Once they explained everything to Robin, she told them about what the message said. And no given the context of the message coming from the mall it suddenly made too sense.

“The clock tower, the shoe shop and the Chinese place,” she crowed. “It’s got to be.”

“You sure you translated it correctly?” Steve asked. “Because what the fuck does blue meeting yellow have anything to do with the clock tower?”

Robin rolled her eyes and huffed out a deep sigh. “The hour and minute hands are blue and yellow and meeting in the west would be 9:45!”

Eddie tilted his head to the side. “AM or PM?”

Robin stared at him for a moment in shock. “Oh. I don’t know. Could be either I guess.”

Eddie looked at his watch and cursed. “As thrilling as all this has been, I have to get to band practice.” He gave Steve’s shoulder a squeeze. “Be careful, Stevie. Okay?”

Steve nodded and squeezed Eddie’s shoulder back. God, he just want to kiss him goodbye, because it might be his last opportunity to do so. But Dustin and Robin were watching and probably half of the mall too. “As careful as I can be.”

“How can you be so super chill about this?” Robin asked after he left. “Like Russians are running around our mall and Eddie acts like this is a normal Tuesday for you?”

Dustin and Steve shared a glance.

But Steve just scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Like I’ve had the worst year. My girlfriend broke up with me, I got my head bashed in by Hargrove, I got harassed by the basketball team, I nearly got water dumped on my head because I won the part fair and square, then the same asshole tried to scramble my brains further, I didn’t get into the right colleges and was forced to work here instead of the rec center pool like have for the last three years, and a fuck ton of other things. Now Russians have set up shop in my home town? This is just the cherry on top of a very shit filled cake.”

Robin and Dustin winced. Dustin knew that Steve’s year was actually way worse than the truncated version he gave Robin, but they couldn’t tell her about the tunnels, El, monsters, and secret labs. Hence, fuck ton of things.

“Okay,” Robin conceded, “it does sound like your average Tuesday.” She looked up at the clock. “You’re supposed to be off, anyway. So shoo and take the genius child with you.”

Dustin beamed up Steve smugly, but Steve just knocked his hat off on his way to clock out.

“Hey!” Dustin shouted after him. He turned to Robin. “Can you believe this guy?”

Robin just shrugged. “You’re the one who’s friends with him, not me.”

Steve walked out moments later, twirling the hat on his finger. He walked past Dustin to the mall food court. He stopped and turned around.

“Are you coming or are you going to keep harassing workers?” he huffed, putting a hand on his hip.

Robin burst out laughing as Dustin hurried to catch up, scooping his hat off the floor in haste.

Steve shook his head as they walked through the mall. “Hey if we grab my binoculars, I bet we could stake out the mall and look for Russians.”

Steve looked at his watch and sighed. Eddie wouldn’t get done with band practice until much later tonight and he didn’t want to go back to his large empty house, because of course his parents fucked off to the Caribbean for the summer. His father had forced him to give up a job he loved for the most humiliating retail job imaginable and then fucked off to some place pleasant, leaving him to rot.

“Yeah, okay.”

Dustin let out a whoop and jumped up and down. “You won’t regret this!”

Steve buried his head in his hands. “I already do.”

~

Steve and Dustin were hiding behind a large potted plant with Dustin’s binoculars watching people go by.

“What are we supposed to looking for, anyway?” Steve asked, scanning the crowds.

“Russians.”

Steve tore himself away from the binoculars to glare at him. “Thank you for that unhelpful assessment. I know I’m supposed to be looking for Russians, but what do Russians look like?”

“I don’t know,” Dustin huffed. “Tall, blond, scary looking dudes, I guess.”

Steve rolled his eyes and kept looking. He spotted Anna Jacobi flirting with Mark Lewinsky and huffed out a a noise of disgust.

“You have got to be kidding me,” he said with a sigh. “Anna can do way better than swamp ass Lewinsky.”

Dustin smacked his shoulder. “Can you please take this seriously? You’re supposed to be looking for Russians, not your next date. Besides you already have the perfect girl right there!”

Steve rolled his eyes and went back to looking through the binoculars. “Don’t say Robin.”

“Robin.” Was the immediate response.

“No, man,” Steve said as Dustin grabbed the binoculars from him, “she’s not my type. She’s not even in the ballpark of my type.” Considering that she had boobies and not a dick, pretty much sealed the box on any chances of that romantic relationship going anywhere.

Dustin looked over at him and sneered. “And what’s your type again? Not awesome?”

Fuck you. But Steve sneered and stuck his tongue out. “Thank you.”

Dustin grinned back at him with a little hum.

“Look,” Steve said, “for your information, she’s still in school. And she’s weird. But not like Eddie weird. Weird, weird. And she’s hyper. Like worse than Eddie. At least if you put a book in his hand, he’ll settle down. She’ll tap her fingers and twirl her gum. She was also one of those kids in drama who didn’t think I deserved the role of Thomson. That’s a bad look. And she’s in band? But not a rock band like Eddie, a fucking trumpet.” He twisted his lips in disgust. “No.”

Dustin turned to face him. “Now that you’re out of school, that means you’re an adult. And don’t you think you should move past primitive social constructs like popularity?”

Steve looked at him as if he was joking. “Popularity? Are you fucking with me right now? Did you forget I wasn’t popular for the last four months of high school? Primitive constructs, I tell you. Where the hell did you learn that shit? Camp Know Nothing?”

“Camp Know Where, actually,” Dustin huffed, “And no, it’s shit I learned from life. Instead of dating someone you think will make you cool again, why not date someone you enjoy being around for a change? Like me and Suzie.” He smiled broadly. He turned back to watching the through the binoculars.

Steve was soo close to just telling the little shit that he was dating someone he enjoyed being around, someone who did make him look cooler, someone who loved him for him and not in spite of him. But instead he took a deep breath and said, “Oh Suzie. Yeah, you mean hotter than Phoebe Cates. That Suzie. And let’s think about how exactly you scored a girlfriend?”

He scratched his head, appearing to think about it, then he snapped his fingers. “Oh yeah, with my advice. Because that’s how this works, Henderson. I give the advice and you follow through. Not the other way around, all right?”

Dustin sighed. “I just think you could really benefit from being with someone like her, you know?”

Steve rubbed the top of the kid’s head. “I’m doing better than you think I am. Better then everyone thinks I am.”

Dustin stared at him skeptically, but left it alone. Steve knew that there was no way he was going to leave it alone. He just knew that it was going to come back and bite him in the ass in the worst way and at the worst time. He could feel it.

~

“There is a secret room under the mall,” Steve said slowly, not quite wanting to believe this. “And we can get there through the air vents in the break room?”

Robin nodded emphatically. “Yeah, isn’t that cool?”

He had no idea how to tell her how uncool that actually was, because Jesus fuck, the deeper they got into this, the more over his head he felt.

“Let’s go see your secret tunnel,” he said with a sigh, rubbing his face, just suddenly exhausted by the whole thing.

He followed them to the back and looked up at the vent in utter despair. Sighing, he got a ladder and set it up, then hunted around for a screwdriver. Once he found one, he tucked it between his teeth and started climbing. He reached the vent and unscrewed the screws holding the vent in place.

“Oi!” he called out to Dustin. “Hold these!” He held out the screws for him to take. “Don’t lose them, otherwise people are going to ask why there is a great big gaping hole in the wall.”

Dustin rolled his eyes, but did as he was told. Steve put the screwdriver back between his teeth and took off the vent cover.

“It’s a tight space,” he murmured. “Hey, Robin you think you could fit? You’re pretty thin.”

Robin put her hands on her hips and glared up at him. “While I appreciate you thinking I’m skinny enough to fit, I question your sanity if you think I’m going down the creepy tunnel.”

“Vent!” Dustin huffed. “You’ve both called it a tunnel. It’s not a tunnel, it’s a vent. And none of us are small enough to fit.”

DING! DING! “Hey!” someone called out from the front of the store. “Is anyone here?”

Steve who had been climbing down the ladder, stopped and shared a look with Dustin. A slow smile took over their faces.

“Erica!” they said together with glee.

They ran out to the front with Robin fast on their heels. They skidded to a stop and their smiles grew to actual grins when they saw that she was alone and not with her many friends.

“Erica...hey,” Steve said smoothly, leaning against the counter. “What can I get you?”

She narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously. “Why are you suddenly being so nice?”

Just then Dustin and Robin burst out of the back room and stumbled into front and Erica was even more suspicious than she was before.

So Steve bundled her over to one of the booths and tried plying her with all the ice cream a little girl could conceivably eat, while Dustin filled both Robin and Erica about the messages and all their clues and how they put it all together. It was a hard but impressive sell.

“So will you do it for America?” Dustin asked.

“Well, you can’t spell America without Erica,” she said smugly. “A life time supply of Scoops Ice Cream and you’ve got a deal.”

Robin and Steve shared a glance. Then Steve reached across the table to shake Erica’s hand.

“Deal.”

~

Part 14 Part 15 Part 16

And if you remember something else there from WIP Wednesday... yeah. It wasn't fitting with the rest of the story and had to be cut. Sadness.

Tag List: FIVE SLOTS REMAINING

1- @mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @kultiras

3- @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

4- @justforthedead89 @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @blondie1006

5- @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon

6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @angels-of-hades

7- @mugloversonly @y4r3luv @greeniebean911 @birbsauce @acingthecounts

8- @cryptid-system @counting-dollars-counting-stars @ravenfrog @dreamercec @sadisticaltarts

9- @clockworkballerina @bluelightsinthevoid @blcksh33p1987 @i-go-pink-in-the-night @mamafaithful

[tenpintsofsundrop]

The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes

Spencer Reid x BAU!Fem!Reader

Summary:

While undercover inside the Separatarian Sect, you and Spencer realize something important: you can't live without each other.

Spencer Reid x BAU!Fem!Reader. Co-Workers to Lovers. Fake Dating. Hurt and Comfort. Set during Season 4, Episode 3.

Word Count: 8,200

Criminal Minds Masterlist | AO3 Link

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Full list of warnings and author's notes below.

Warnings: Lots of spoilers for the canon episode - so if you haven't watched Season 4 of Criminal Minds yet, steer clear of this fic for now (especially because watching the episode provides some context for this fic/makes things make more sense); the reader uses she/her pronouns and has the ability to get pregnant (she is not pregnant during the fic and there's no smut, but due to discussions in the fic, it's not unreasonable that she could get pregnant); fake dating in the form of a fake marriage - the reader and Spencer pretend to be married under the Christian religion to 'appeal' to Cyrus; because of the fake marriage, Spencer uses the term 'my wife' to refer to the reader; lots of mentions of religion (Christianity), religious extremism, mentions of pedophilia/child brides (in line with the canon episode); mentions of systemic sexism and gender roles enforced by cultures of organised religion and religious extremism; use of y/n and l/n (in this case meaning 'your last name'); the reader pretends to follow the Christian religion while undercover but I never stated if she believes in a less extreme version of these things or not (the reader's true religious beliefs are never stated); protective!Spencer, possessive!Spencer; mentions of Spencer being taller than the reader (which, again, I think he would be taller than most people) - the reader's body/body type is not described in any other way; mentions of guns and gun violence (not described in deep detail) - in line with the canon episode; the reader and Spencer fear for their lives; dangerous/live-threatening situations; the reader and Spencer are threatened with a gun; Cyrus is just generally creepy and sexist toward the reader; Spencer is pistol-whipped and the reader is threatened with sexual assault (it does not happen, Spencer protects her); mentions of pregnancy/the reader being pregnant (she is not pregnant during the course of the fic); mentions of the reader being a mother/having kids (Spencer makes up fake kids to sell their fake marriage story); the reader realizes she might actually want to be a mother because of Spencer's fake kids story; mentions of an explosion (as in the canon); love confessions; angst with a happy ending. Hopefully that is everything.

A/N: The title for this fic comes from a Fall Out Boy song of the same name. The theme/lyrics of the song don't really fit the fic, but I love the way that this title fits - how everyone in this fic is lying in some way but Spencer is someone with good intentions while lying. Making him the Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes. I love how it fits. I wrote this while suffering with heat exhaustion so idk if it's good or even makes sense. I rewatched the canon episode and it doesn't 100% align with what happened in the episode in terms of the timeline and stuff, and I am too tired to rewrite the whole fic to make it align with the episode. So uh - alternative canon? But I really love the basic concepts and I do really love how it turned out. I hope you guys like it too!

...

You thought it would be an easy day. 

Maybe that was foolish on your part. So far, you hadn’t seen a single ‘easy’ day while working with the BAU. Between chasing down scumbags and then reliving every single gory detail while doing the paperwork - none of it was ‘easy’. It was worthy, accomplished work - making the world a safer place to live in. (At least that’s what you told yourself.) But it was never easy. 

There was always someone who made the job easier. Someone who made you smile every single day - especially on days when you didn’t think you were even capable of feeling a tiny shred of joy. Someone who made you feel safe, who you always felt had your back no matter what. So you were glad that he was by your side today, along for the ride. 

“Tell us about Cyrus.” Reid prompted. 

He looked to the woman driving, your new companion for the day - Nancy Lunde, someone who worked with the state department and had set up the interviews with the children at the Separatarian Sect. 

“Benjamin Cyrus. No criminal record. In fact, there’s no record of the guy at all.” Nancy explained. 

“That’s odd.” You commented. “Usually someone being accused of something like this would have some past offenses. Especially because it would give him a reason to move into isolation to continue the criminal pattern of behavior.” 

“Well, I couldn’t find anything on him.” Nancy shrugged. 

“What about the 9-1-1 call?” You asked. 

“A fifteen year old girl called in saying that a man was ‘laying with her’ and claimed it as ‘God’s will’. I believe the ‘he’ referred to is Cyrus.” Nancy explained. “The age fits with Jessica Evanson, but I’ve managed to negotiate interviews with all the children, just to be sure. It wasn’t easy.” 

“They’re incredibly weary of outsiders.” You commented. “Our boss warned you not to identify us as FBI, right?” 

Nancy nodded. “I got you some spare credentials, just in case.” 

She took one of her hands off the wheel and reached into her pocket.

“You’re going to be using your real names. You’re going in as Child Victim Interview Experts working with Child Protective Services. No association with the FBI.” Nancy explained, handing Reid your fake credentials. 

He nodded, inspecting the IDs before handing you yours where you were sitting in the backseat. 

“Oh, before I forget.” You noted, reaching into the pocket of your cardigan. “The rings.” 

You pulled out a small plastic bag that Hotch had given to you before you left. It was a bag containing a fake diamond ring in your size and a fake golden ‘wedding’ band for Spencer. 

Reid reached over the seat to grab his ring from you, and Nancy gave the two of you an odd look. 

“Rings?” She questioned. 

“Fake wedding bands.” You explained. 

“It was our Unit Chief’s idea.” Reid added on. “He believes that presenting us as a ‘godly’ married couple to Cyrus will make him more likely to open up to us. He’s less likely to see us as hostile outsiders if he believes that we share a similar system of beliefs.” 

“It could also have a calming effect on the teenagers we have to interview or the kids there who have had more time to go through indoctrination at the Sect.” You continued to explain. “Even if their parents are hesitant to let the kids speak with us, they may be more willing to have their child speak with us or even leave them alone with us if they believe that we’re fellow Christians, rather than hostile atheists there to poison their children’s minds.” 

Reid nodded at you through the rearview mirror. 

“Make sure you put on the left hand.” He told you. “That’s the position for marriage.” 

You nodded at this. 

You placed the ring in the appropriate position, and you couldn’t help but to take a moment and stare at it. It was jarring to have a wedding ring on - especially with the thought that it represented you being married to Spencer. But you supposed, of all the people to call your husband, he would be one of the best. He was honest, intelligent, kind, and… if you were pressed, you would definitely say he was handsome. 

But you couldn’t get too caught up thinking about all of that. Because it wasn’t real. It was a false projection you were wearing for the benefit of a self inflated sociopath. 

Spencer liked the feeling of the ring. He didn’t take too long to stare at it after he had put it on, because he knew his mind would wander if he did. When Hotch had first proposed the idea of the two of you pretending to be married, Spencer had almost tripped over himself to oppose it - mostly because he didn’t think that he would be able to handle simply pretending to be your husband for the day. It was just too cruel. 

Having something he wanted so badly dangled right in front of him and knowing that it was all just a farce - it bothered him, but he delighted in the play nonetheless. 

When he caught the fake gold glinting in the light, Spencer had to remind himself that it was fake - that you would just be playing his wife for the day. He had to push back any internal glee that he felt at the idea that he got to be ‘taken’ by you while wearing that ring. It wasn’t real. It was just for the day. 

“Isn’t that deceptive?” Nancy asked. “Won’t Cyrus be even more angry if he finds out that it’s not true?” 

“He won’t find out.” You replied confidently. “And besides, we use deception in interrogations all the time. It’s a very basic tactic: align yourself with the suspect. Make them think you share the same beliefs, that you’re on their side.” 

Reid grinned at this. He always loved it when you spoke so confidently. 

… 

“We’re looking for Mr. Benjamin Cyrus.” Nancy announced as the three of you got out of the car. 

“Then you’ve found him.” Cyrus announced confidently. 

He was pretty much what you had expected him to be - dressed informally, slouched over, faking meekness, holding a bible near his chest as though it were a shield. He had planted himself there purposefully, wanting to be the first person to interact with the outsiders as three of you came into the Ranch. 

You hovered back near Spencer, letting Nancy make the first introduction. 

“I’m Nancy Lunde.” She said, giving a small nod toward the man. “We spoke on the phone regarding the allegation.” 

“‘Savages they call us, because our manners differ from theirs.’” Cyrus rhymed off a quote, obviously positioning himself and his group as martyrs being attacked for having ‘different ways’ that the world simply didn’t understand. 

“We didn’t come here to hear you cite scripture, Mr. Cyrus.” Nancy reminded him, hoping to keep the religious zealot on track. 

“Actually, it’s Benjamin Franklin.” Reid corrected her, talking about the quote. 

That did surprise you, but you didn’t find it surprising that Reid knew this fact right off the top of his head. It was just one of the many amazing things about him - his perfect memory and his ability to use it. 

Of course, him saying this immediately drew Cyrus’ attention toward the two of you. So Spencer stepped up to introduce you. 

“Hello, I’m Spencer Reid, and this is my wife, Y/N L/N.” He said motioning toward himself and then to you as he introduced the two of you. Hearing him refer to you as his wife - you hated to say it, but it caused a jolt through your system. Almost as if you had been waiting forever to hear him say those words and hadn’t even known it yourself. “We’re Child Victim Interview Experts, here on behalf of Child Protective Services.” 

Of course, you couldn’t get too caught up in deciphering how those words made you feel, because you had to focus on the task at hand. The job that you were here to do. 

“How far from God’s word must we have strayed for there to be a need to invent a job called ‘Child Victim Interview Expert’.” Cyrus said, his tone even, quiet. 

You knew that covertly, it was his way of saying that the two of you didn’t belong there, because he ran the Ranch with God’s word, so nobody had actually been harmed (in his opinion). He believed that he had done nothing wrong. Obviously, he thought your time and resources were better spent with ‘actual’ victims who didn’t have his power wielded over their lives. 

“I can assure you, Mr. Cyrus, we try to bring God into our work.” You told him, trying to appeal to him. “The children we visit usually need prayer and God’s light the most.” 

Spencer gave you a sideways glance, clearly holding back a grin at how thick you were pouring it on - how much intense, feigned passion you said these words with. 

“Well, I can assure you that a lack of prayer and God’s light is certainly not an issue for the children here.” Cyrus said, giving you a clever little grin. He thought that you would simply interview the children, praise him for what a good job he had done, and then leave. “You can go and see the children whenever you like. They are up at the school, as I indicated in our phone call.” 

Nancy walked toward the school, and you paused before you followed. 

Before you walked off, you looked to Spencer. In a completely silent conversation that only worked so well because the two of you had been in so many tense situations before, thinking around UnSubs and planning miles around them before they could even know it, he gave you a small nod and you instantly knew what it meant. He had established a small bit of trust with Cyrus, so he would stick back and see what else he could get out of the man. 

You nodded back, and then - completely surprising yourself, you leaned in and kissed Spencer on the cheek. You were just playing the part, you told yourself. It’s not that it felt entirely instinctive to say goodbye to him with some kind of affection, like the many hugs you had given him before. It’s not that you felt so entirely scrutinized with Cryus’ piercing eyes on you, and you needed the anchor of Spencer’s touch. 

You were just playing the part. 

Spencer tried not to get caught on being kissed on the cheek like he was some blushing virgin, and instead, focused his attention back on Cyrus instead of watching you walk away. (Even though every single one of his instincts told him that he needed to keep a more careful eye on you because you both had to leave your guns in the car.) 

He took a step closer to where Cyrus was leaning on the concrete, and easily picked a topic of conversation. 

“Solar panels.” Reid said, motioning to the large devices sitting behind Cyrus on the grass. 

“Yes.” Cyrus nodded. “We’re completely self-sufficient here. Food, electricity, water. Benjamin Franklin said ‘God helps those who help themselves’.” He explained. “You look surprised.” 

“No, uh, impressed, actually.” Reid easily lied, trying to appeal to his ego. 

“Thank you.” Cyrus said. “Most men wouldn’t admit that.” 

“Well, I suppose that I’m not like most men.” Reid shrugged in return. 

“How long have you been married?” Cyrus asked, motioning toward Reid’s ‘wedding ring’. 

Reid panicked slightly, knowing that the two of you likely should have coordinated this story during the plane ride to Colorado so that your answers to these simple questions wouldn’t be different. But he just made up an answer and hoped that nobody else would ask you the same question and find out the deception. 

“Three years.” He said. “I’ve been very blessed.” 

He used the language purposefully, knowing that the simple phrase could get him on Cyrus’ good side. That, and he hoped it would draw the attention away from any possible signs of his blatant lie. 

“Your wife is very beautiful.” Cyrus commented. 

He gave a wicked smirk as he said this. It was a simple, fairly ‘innocent’ comment, but it was immediately off-putting to Spencer. It took everything in his body not to glare daggers at Cyrus or throw out some protective comment in return. He could only imagine what was going through Cyrus’ mind as he thought about you, and he hated even imagining it. 

Reid knew that it was a basic logical good, the instinct to protect you because you were his partner on this case and he was supposed to have your back. But it was also something more. Something in every fiber of his being that screamed you were his and no man should ever be thinking of you that way except for him. 

“Has it been a godly union?” 

He was lucky when Cyrus spoke again and distracted him from his mounting rage. 

“We try to be as godly as we can be.” Spencer took the simple, diplomatic answer. 

“Your wife didn’t take your last name.” Cyrus pointed out. 

Nancy had used your name on your false credentials because Hotch had only come up with the fake marriage idea the day before. There hadn’t been time to inform her about it and have ‘Reid’ put on your ID as your ‘married’ name. So he had introduced you by your name to keep everything consistent with the reuse. 

It did make Spencer wonder if you would keep your last name if the two of you ever did get married. It made him almost dizzy, thinking about you as ‘Mrs Reid’. Thinking about your kids having his name. Or your name, if that’s what you wanted. 

But naturally, he pushed past all those thoughts and formed an excuse. 

“Typically, married women aren’t very well perceived in our line of work.” He quickly excused. “She doesn’t even get to wear her ring that often. She couldn’t change her name on paperwork at our office because a working married woman… it’s heavily frowned upon.” 

“Well, I’d have to agree.” Cyrus grunted. “A woman shouldn’t be out working. A woman should be at home raising a family.” 

“I - I suppose you’re right.” Reid agreed through gritted teeth. 

He walked away toward the school before he got too angry again. 

… 

A few hours later, everything had gone to hell. 

Some authority - the police, the military, you didn’t even know - had charged into the Ranch shooting. In response, Cyrus and his followers had come into the school toting large semi-automatics asking you and Spencer if you knew about a raid. 

You didn’t. You wish you had known about a raid. You would have warned Hotch and gotten them to call it off. You certainly would not have been there while it was happening. 

When they had pointed those guns in your face and forced you into the tunnels - it wasn’t very difficult to pretend to be Spencer’s wife then. Cowering in the bunker, confused and scared, you flung your arms around his waist almost instinctively, and he buried his nose in the top of your hair as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders like a shield, promising you that everything was going to be okay. 

Whispered to you like that, coming from him - it was almost easier to believe. Even with the chaos going on around you and the fear pumping through you in response. 

Nancy had run off trying to get them to surrender and did not come back. You had a feeling that you knew what that meant. 

And now, with the kids from the school ‘evacuated’ into the church, you were being held in the cellar at gunpoint. They had forcefully separated you and Spencer, making you sit in chairs at opposite sides of the room.

Spencer was fidgeting. His eyes kept flickering from the door, to you, to the man standing beside you holding the very large gun. 

You knew that you had ugly tear tracks down your face, and oddly enough - you wanted nothing more than to be back in his arms. As you were forced to sit there, just a few feet across the room away from him - you ached for it. 

There was a very large possibility that you were going to die today. And you selfishly needed the comfort of being in the arms of someone familiar - someone safe. Someone you knew would never hurt you. Someone who had made you laugh with dumb science jokes and puns for the last five years that you had worked together with him. 

When Cyrus charged back into the room with two men flanking his sides, you and Spencer stiffened up once again. 

“God will forgive me for what I’m about to do.” Cyrus announced to the room, presenting a handgun from his belt. 

Your insides quaked, and Spencer’s eyes grew wide. 

You couldn’t contain the fearful whimper that erupted from the back of your throat when he raised that gun and placed it near the middle of Spencer’s forehead. You clasped a hand tightly over your mouth to keep yourself from crying out in protest, knowing that would only make things worse. 

“Which one of you is the FBI Agent?” Cyrus asked firmly. 

Which ‘one’? 

So he knew that you were undercover, that you had lied about your job titles - but he thought that only one of you had done so. Where the hell was he getting his information? 

“I - I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Spencer told him quietly, looking him in the eye the entire time. 

You hoped that his stutter could be passed off as nervousness from the gun being pointed in his face, and wouldn’t be pointed to as deception. 

“Which one of you is it?” Cyrus pressed. 

“We are not FBI Agents.” Spencer said, more confidently this time. “We are Child Victim Interview Experts. We were only sent here to ensure the wellbeing of the children. Nothing more, nothing less.” 

Well, that last part wasn’t a lie. 

“You’re lying.” Cyrus told him, entirely confident in this. “God expells those who lie, devils in sheep’s clothing.” 

There was a tense moment, and then Cyrus cocked the gun. 

Spencer didn’t flinch. You resisted the urge to scream. 

“Proverbs 12:22 says: ‘The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in those who tell the truth.’” Cyrus said, actually citing scripture this time. 

He was giving Spencer one last chance to tell the truth. As if using the bible verse to say that his punishment would be lesser if he simply told the truth now. 

Spencer didn’t take the bait. 

“I’m not lying.” Spencer said firmly. “What? You think I wouldn’t know if - if my wife was an FBI Agent? This is the woman I wake up next to every single morning, the woman I go to sleep next to every single night, we work together every single day, we-” 

Cyrus interrupted Spencer’s ranting with a sharp hit to the face, pistol whipping him across the cheek. 

This caused Spencer to go flying off the chair, and you couldn’t help when you let out a wounded cry. It took everything in you not to jump out of your own chair and rush to Spencer where he had collapsed onto the ground, clutching his cheek. 

“Someone is going to tell me the truth.” Cyrus said gruffly. 

“It must have been Nancy!” You said, the idea finally popping into your head. 

You seemed to be more clever with the pressure of Spencer’s life being threatened. Cyrus stared you down, turning his attention fully toward you now. You caught Spencer’s eye for a moment and he gave you a small nod - as if to say ‘yes, keep going with that’. 

“The woman we came in with! Nancy!” You reasoned, continuing to point the finger at the woman you had to assume was dead. “We - we just met her today. Our boss introduced us to her, but we had never met before that. If she was FBI, we had no clue. We swear.” 

Cyrus turned to you then, and tightly pressed the barrel of his gun into your forehead. You could feel the imprint of it so tight in your skin that it hurt, and you could only lean away so far before threatening to knock the chair backwards. 

“It’s very convenient to pin this crime on someone who isn’t here.” He grunted at you. 

“It’s the truth.” You sniffled out quietly. 

“Hmm.” Cyrus hummed thoughtfully, and then, much to your surprise, he removed the gun barrel from your forehead. 

You barely had a moment to breathe in relief before he began skimming the gun down your neck, touching the metal whisper-gentle across your bare skin - clearly taunting you. It was something that made your whole body stiff with alarm, and caused Spencer’s eyes to go wide once again.

“Perhaps I should strip you naked to ensure that you’re not wearing a wire.” Cyrus said, teasing the gun along the buttons at the front of your cardigan. 

You held back a sob at the thought of it - at the idea that he could make you do almost anything for the fear of you being shot. Truthfully, you were more afraid of what he might do to Spencer if you didn’t comply, but it was all the same in your mind now. His life was just as valuable as yours, and you would do whatever it took to protect him.

Before Cyrus could take these threats any further, a heroic voice intervened. 

“That’s enough!” Spencer yelled. 

He gathered himself off the floor and oddly enough, none of the men moved to stop him as he came to stand beside Cyrus. Perhaps they didn’t see him as a threat. Perhaps it was because Cyrus didn’t bark any orders at them to stop him. He was entirely unflinching, keeping his focus on you and keeping his gun held between your breasts as Spencer crowded into his personal space, trying to press himself between you and the awful man. 

“We’ve told you everything that we know.” Spencer told him lowly, his voice heaving with well controlled anger. It was something that you had rarely ever heard from him. 

Cyrus kept his eyes locked on you, so Spencer continued. 

“We don’t know anything about the FBI - we have a simple job advocating for children who have been abused. That is it. We came here to investigate a most likely false claim against someone in your community and we truly didn’t mean to get caught up in all of this.” He said firmly, clearly trying to appeal to Cyrus. “So I suggest you get that gun away from my wife before you and I truly have a problem.” 

Spencer’s voice was dark, so thick with rage. More pent up rage than you had ever heard from him when he was talking to any suspect, people who had done the worst of the worst. Something about Cyrus threatening you had truly boiled his insides. 

The way he said the words ‘my wife’ - growling it out like he was a feral animal and this threat to you had activated every single one of his protective instincts. Hearing it made something inside of you yearn for him on such a deep level that you didn’t know was possible. You wanted to feel that kind of protection cast over you every single day. It made you feel invincible, having Spencer watch over you like that. 

Cyrus lowered the gun then, and Spencer grabbed your arm as you dissolved into hysterical tears. Instinctively, he lifted you up into his arms. You thought that you heard Cyrus mumble out ‘my apologies’ as he left the room - but he was barely on your radar. Your entire world became narrowed down to nothing but Spencer, your safety net as he built a wall of protection around you. 

He used his height to block you from seeing anything but him, letting you push your face into his chest as you cried. He wrapped you in his arms once again, letting you feel truly safe for a few moments as you sobbed into the fabric of his sweater. Your arms clutched desperately at his waist, needing to keep a hold on him - needing to ensure that he didn’t leave you. 

“Hey, shh. Shh. It’s okay.” He said, leaving gentle kisses on the top of your forehead and your hair, rubbing across your back with one hand, comforting you in the only way he could in those moments. “It’s gonna be okay.” 

Of course, he wanted to break down too. But he had to be strong for you. 

“Spencer,” You called his name in an utterly wounded voice, pulling away from his chest to look up at him. 

When you saw his injury up close - a sharp, purple-red bruise that was blooming across his cheek, it looked so utterly painful. Your insides ached at the thought that he had taken a blow for you. You hated to imagine what more they could have done to him if they had not believed your lies. 

You instinctively reached a hand up to touch it and he caught your fingers halfway, instead, gently grasping your hand and laying it on his chest. The intimacy felt so oddly rehearsed - so worn in, so ‘normal’. It felt like you had been married to Spencer for years. Like it wasn’t a play at all. 

Your two souls had been calling out to each other for years, just waiting for the dam to break. But you couldn’t quite put it into words - not like that. 

“It’s okay.” He said quietly, knowing you were horrified by the injury. 

He was so gentle, so comforting, so calm. Everything the men pointing guns at you were not. Unlike Cyrus - Spencer Reid was a true blessing from God. 

You couldn’t hold yourself back then. 

You surged up and kissed him, fully embracing his mouth with yours in a kiss. Though it was so sudden, it was something he easily returned. The kiss so full of urgency, so needy, so passionate. Like he was trying to tell you that it was okay, that he would protect you no matter what. 

He would protect you because you belonged to him. 

In those moments, the two of you were basically alone. One of Cryus’ men was guarding the door, watching on boredly. But Cyrus was off in the church, funneling people in to prepare for his ‘loyalty’ test. It didn’t matter if he saw you kissing or not - it wouldn’t have sold the reuse of you being married any better. 

This was just for the two of you. This was comfort. 

When you pulled back from the kiss, Spencer looked stunned, almost as if he couldn’t believe what had happened. You didn’t give him time to question it. 

“Thank you.” You said quietly. 

It was twofold:

Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for giving me comfort. 

Spencer didn’t have too much time to marinate in the meaning of the kiss before Cyrus’ men came back and fetched the two of you, wanting you to observe the loyalty test. 

… 

After the mock poisoning (which Spencer figured out rather quickly, making you admire his cleverness once again), Cyrus kept you and Spencer in the church with a few of his closest, most loyal followers while all of the low level followers dispersed back to their homes. 

You and Spencer were lingering in the back quietly while Cyrus was on the other end of the room, talking to his men about how to proceed. The plans for their ‘final stand’. 

“We need to get some kind of signal to the others.” Spencer whispered quietly. “Maybe they’ll take pity on you and let you go if-” He swallowed sharply, cutting himself off abruptly. Oddly enough, he didn’t want to voice whatever was on his mind. 

“If what?” You probed. You wondered what the hell you could possibly be thinking. 

“If we tell them that you’re pregnant.” He said, whispering so lowly that you almost didn’t catch the words. 

You rolled your eyes sharply at this. 

You had gotten married and had kids all in one day. What a miracle. 

(In those moments, clouded by fear, you couldn’t see it for what it truly was - Spencer blatantly revealing his unconscious desires to have a baby with you.) 

“We could convince them to release you. As a show of good faith. A pregnancy would be good leverage in that. You know how religious people are about fetuses-” Spencer reasoned. 

“Yeah, and what if they give me a test?” You probed, punching a large hole in his logic. “We don’t know what kind of infirmary they have here. They obviously believe in modern technology. What if they want to give me an ultrasound to check on the fetus after the stress of the day? To prove that they did no harm to the precious unborn child,” 

Spencer was easily caught on this point. If they examined you and found that you weren’t pregnant, all the lies would fall apart. 

“Well… what if we tell them that you have a baby at home that you need to get back to?” Spencer reasoned, jumping to the next logical conclusion in his mind. “It’ll likely garner the same level of pity.” 

“Your imaginary sperm is powerful, isn’t it?” You whispered back sharply. Spencer rolled his eyes this time. But he didn’t redact the plan as unreasonable, so you continued on. “Okay, what do I even do when I get out there? I’m not gonna be of any use to the tactical team. We don’t know what Cyrus’ final play is yet.” 

Truthfully, you couldn’t bear to be separated from Spencer. Knowing that he was inside, potentially being beaten up more, potentially being shot and bleeding out from a wound without you knowing - it would kill you with stress. You need to be by his side. You needed to know that he was okay. 

“Has God blessed your union with any children?” Cyrus appeared behind you suddenly. 

You wondered if he had heard you say the word ‘pregnancy’ or if this was just a random topic that had come up in his mind. 

His sudden appearance behind you caused you to whip around and crowd into the comfort of Spencer’s arms again because you were frightened. Naturally, Spencer wrapped his sheltering touch around your shoulders. Your back was gently pressed into Spencer’s front, his arm shielding you protectively as it was wrapped around your chest, holding you with his hand on one of your shoulders, unconsciously stroking his thumb across the fabric of your cardigan. The position had you both facing Cyrus, watching the fan in an offensive way. 

And of course, Spencer didn’t miss a beat. 

“Yes.” Spencer answered easily. “We have two kids at home. A boy and a girl. Iris and Hugo. Iris is almost three years old and Hugo is eleven months. His first birthday is coming up in June.” 

You knew that Spencer could be very good at talking off a suspect’s ear under pressure, but when you heard him rattle off these ‘facts’ so easily, it hit you. 

This wasn’t simply statistics or physiological knowledge - this was a very elaborate backstory for your supposedly real marriage. Perhaps he had thought about all of it on the car ride up (which was odd not to share it with you, in case Cyrus asked you a similar question and your answer didn’t match up with Spencer’s). 

But if you weren’t mistaken, this wasn’t simply a backstory for your fake marriage during the undercover mission. This was a fantasy of his. Those were names he had lovingly chosen for your imaginary children - kids he had dreamed up in his head and wanted to be real. 

Your heart ached at the thought of it. You found yourself missing a set of children that weren’t even real. (And distantly, wanting to jump his bones to make it a reality.)

“Tell me, Mr. Reid, would you find it so shameful for your daughter to marry young?” Cyrus asked. 

You found it odd to hear Cyrus call Spencer ‘Mr. Reid’, but you realized that he hadn’t introduced himself as ‘Doctor’ in this setting. You held your tongue when you felt the need to correct him as you had so many other people, wanting Spencer to receive his proper title. 

Your mind almost couldn’t focus on the question that Cyrus had asked. Of course, he was trying to get Spencer to stroke his ego once again. Basically admitting that the whole reason the two of you had come here was true - he was being vastly inappropriate with a young member of the church, and getting away with it. And he saw nothing wrong with it. 

And he was trying to get an outsider to admit that he saw nothing wrong with it too. 

When there was a moment of silence - Reid obviously torn on how to answer the question, Cyrus continued. 

“Is there really something so wrong with a blooming young woman marrying a man who will protect her under God’s laws?” He probed, his voice so entirely confident. Clearly confident that he was right. 

“Well, I’m not sure if I would let my daughter get married so young.” Reid said, finally speaking up. “I just know that I would want her to marry a man that would protect her, and be the best possible fit for her. Someone who would cherish her and be good to her no matter what.” 

His answer made you swoon. You reached up and gently gripped his forearm in response, giving a light squeeze to show your approval. He leaned in and kissed the back of your head - dizzyingly, you were imagining him walking your imaginary daughter down the aisle before you had even gotten married yourself. 

Maybe it was being so close to death, being threatened in such dangerous territory that was causing your life to accelerate at light speed in your mind. If you were going to lose everything, you might as well enjoy the escapism of a fake life with a beautiful man in your mind instead of being stuck on the heart pounding terror of being held hostage, right? 

Surprisingly, his words drew a smile from Cyrus. 

“You’re a protective father, aren’t you?” Cyrus asked. 

“Of course.” Reid confirmed. 

“I can always admire that in a man.” Cyrus nodded. “A man should always pride himself on protecting his family.” 

There was another moment of pause, and you were hoping that the topic had been dropped completely. 

“Do you have a picture of your children with you?” Cyrus asked. 

You wondered if - in a different version of reality, where you and Spencer really were married, where Hugo and Iris really did exist - if you had a picture of them in your pocket, would Cyrus only be asking this so he could use the picture to taunt the two of you? What other purpose would he have for knowing what your children looked like? 

“Unfortunately, no.” You answered. “I keep my family pictures on my desk. In my office. We - we’ve just been praying to get back to them safely.” 

Cyrus seemed perturbed at you mentioning that you had an office. Something dark flickered over his features for a moment and then disappeared. 

“Well… if it is right, God will grant you that safe passage.” Cyrus said. 

Just when you truly thought the conversation was done, he said something to you that entirely grinded under your skin. 

“I find it entirely odd that a mother of two young children spends her days working a job where she takes care of other people’s children, rather than staying at home with her own youngins where she belongs.” 

He said, using that same entirely confident, righteous tone that he always did. Even though you were not really a working mother, you had a hard time not boiling with anger at the sexism ripe in his statement. 

“How much must you be missing of your sweet angels lives to instead partake in the horrors of devils you shouldn’t have to witness.” 

Of course. 

You had a hard time not rolling your eyes at this or saying something harsh that would set him off. Instead, you reached up to Spencer’s arm around your shoulder, squeezing his fingers, trying to keep your patience.

“I’ll have you know that Y/N is an amazing mother.” Spencer piped up, knowing that Cyrus respected him enough as a man that he wouldn’t beat him simply for speaking up. “Her nurturing and caring makes her infinitely better at her job.” 

Again, you knew that there was so much personal truth in Spencer’s words. He thought that you would make an amazing mother to his children - at least theoretically. He was entirely firm in that conviction. And he thought that your natural caring made you amazing at the job you did as a Profiler. He knew this from the quality of work he witnessed you doing every single day. 

You didn’t know it - but it was just one of the many things that had caused him to fall in love with you. 

Oddly enough, Cyrus’ words prodded at something deep inside of you. It made you imagine a life for yourself where you weren’t spending your days witnessing horrors from unspeakable devils - but instead, at home, looking out for Spencer’s imaginary children. 

You would have said it was the fear of the day, clouding your mind. But maybe it was the clarity of being so close to death that made you realize what - and who - you truly wanted out of life. 

… 

Hours later, after some of the hostages had been released (the ‘non-believers’ who had failed the loyalty test), Cyrus had requested that some food be sent up. Spencer gave you a sharp look when he saw the message written on one of the takeout lids. 

The team would be storming in to end the hold-out at 3am. You had to somehow ensure the safety of the hostages by then. 

Obviously, the fake pregnancy idea was still warping through Spencer’s mind, but you had come up with some much better. 

“Cyrus,” You called out his name gently, getting his attention. “You said that you have a nursery here?” 

It had come up, during his long winded bragging about how perfect the Ranch was. Something about how mothers didn’t have to raise their children alone. The children were raised as more of a ‘group effort’ and women took ‘shifts’ in the nursery, allowing the women to rest or get chores done in the interim. 

“Yes, we do.” He nodded. 

Spencer stared at you with his jaw set, wondering what you were doing but not daring to speak. 

“I - I’ve been missing my children dearly. I was wondering if I could go to your nursery and see if they need any help? It would do my soul good to be around young ones right now. After all the commotion of these days.” You spoke meekly, trying to play the part of the shaken up, dainty woman well. 

Which was too difficult, seeing as you were playing up the fear you had already experienced. 

He grinned. It was a rather menacing smile, and you tried your hardest not to show any further fear, or disgust. 

“That sounds like a splendid idea.” He nodded. “Christopher, why don’t you escort her down to the nursery and then come back? We need you here for our final preparations.” 

You were finally falling to those gender roles that he had been pushing on you since you had arrived. He didn’t suspect a thing. He simply thought that you were a God fearing woman falling to your natural womanly instincts, needing to care for children lest your womb shrivel up and you die. 

Spencer rose from his seat and Cyrus stopped him. 

“Just your wife.” He said, putting a hand in front of Spencer’s chest to stop him. “There are still some things you and I need to discuss. Man to man.” 

You went over to Spencer and didn’t hesitate to plant a kiss firmly on his mouth, which he returned with vigor. This one lasted only a moment - it was something precious for the two of you. You didn’t need to put on some pointed show for the men in the room. 

“It’s okay.” You told Spencer quietly, brushing your fingers gently over his uninjured cheek. 

You could tell that he was dying to ask you what your plan was. But he kept the words trapped in his throat, unable to speak in front of the many temperamental villains lurking about. 

“Come on.” Christopher grunted. 

Spencer gave you a longing look as you left. He didn’t want to think it, but as he watched your figure retreat out the door, he feared that it would be the last time he ever saw you. 

… 

Your plan worked flawlessly. 

Getting to the nursery meant that you had unsupervised access to the women and children, especially away from Cyrus’ prying ears. Because you were a ‘delicate’ woman, nobody suspected you of having ulterior motives. You easily found a crack in Kathy, Jessica’s mother. You spotted her as the one who had made the original 9-1-1 call, wanting to get her daughter away from Cyrus. You convinced her to help you get everyone out, and you felt intense relief when you were met with a familiar face in the cellar as everyone escaped through the tunnels. 

“Where’s Reid?” Morgan easily asked you, glancing behind your shoulder as if waiting for him to appear. 

“He’s still up at the church.” You told him. “I had to separate off to help get the women and children out-” 

“Go on, we have to get you out!” Morgan urged, trying to gently usher you along. 

“We have to go get Reid!” You argued, trying to turn around. 

“Go, go on, I’ll go get Reid!” He told you. 

You were about to argue back, but you were cut off by a scuffle behind you. 

Jessica was yelling about Cyrus - how her mother had betrayed her, tricked her. 

Morgan pushed Kathy toward you and ran off screaming for Jessica. You took Kathy’s arm, gently convincing her that everything was going to be okay as you guided her the rest of the way out. You had to focus on this, convincing yourself that everything was going to be okay. You had to tell yourself that Derek was going to get Spencer out - that they were both going to be okay. 

When you got outside, you were hyper focused on marching away, taking a path away from the church as directed by the officers in charge. You froze in your tracks when you heard it - an earth shattering boom. The ground beneath your feet shook. You felt a puff of hot air swell to touch your back. 

You let go of Kathy’s arm and whipped around, and you couldn’t even pay attention to where she went. You almost thought you heard her weeping, but your mind couldn’t process it as your eyes were glossed in bright orange flame. 

It was the church. 

“Spencer?” You gasped quietly. “Spencer!” 

You couldn’t help it, but you began to run toward it. Your feet carried you faster than you could think, and before you got more than a few feet across the ground, you felt a sharp grip on your upper arm. 

“L/N!” 

Hotch’s voice, sounding far too distant for the position he held right behind you, viciously gripping onto you as you fought against him, trying to get toward the fire - trying to get to Spencer. 

“Hey! Hey! Stop it!” Hotch tried to order you around, tried to get you to stand down. 

He got a hand around your waist, and you continued to kick like a wild horse, fighting against his grip as hot tears poured down your face. 

“He’s in there!” You sobbed. “Spencer is still in there.” 

“Calm. Down.” Hotch ordered sharply. 

You collapsed back into him sobbing, all of the fight leaving your muscles at once. You couldn’t fake the reality in front of you. 

“You running in there and getting hurt isn’t going to change anything.” Hotch told you quietly, a somehow distant murmur into your ear. 

Through the blur of your tears and the sharp orange glow, you saw the shape of two bodies. You heard coughing as someone emerged from the blast, hobbling down the stairs at the front of the church. You forced your eyes open wider, trying to see who it was, and then: 

“Y/N!” Spencer called out your name gruffly through the smoke he had inhaled, and you easily shucked off Hotch’s grip to race up the stairs to get to him. 

He was leaning on Morgan for support and you were worried that he was hurt. But the moment you were close enough, he tore himself away from Morgan and the two of you met in the middle. In a pattern that was easily developing, you fell into the safety of his arms, holding him tight enough to bruise him - never wanting to let go. 

“You’re so stupid, you’re so stupid! Why would you do that to me?” 

You sobbed out, gripping both sides of his face, staring into his eyes, needing the recognition that he was right there, right in front of you. 

He stared back with glassiness - intense fear, adrenaline, and something small that told you he was thankful for you, and needed you now more than ever. 

Of course, your words were simple anger at the situation, not at Spencer himself. The terror of thinking that he was dead still pumping through your veins, causing you to shake. 

“I know.” He said quietly. “I love you.” 

His voice wrapped around the words so tenderly - it was the most sincere declaration you had ever heard from him. As if to say ‘I know how much that scared you. I know what this ordeal has done to us and I only meant it more because of how scared I am’. 

“I love you too.” The words flew from your lips so naturally it hurt. You took a moment to recover, entirely shocked by your own lips. And then, you only found the need to say it growing more inside of you. “Spencer, I love you.” 

You pulled him toward you with the grip you had on his face, and he easily met you in one of the most earth shattering kisses you had ever experienced. 

It was no longer a show, it was no longer about displaying the fake marriage for someone else’s benefit - if it had ever been about that in the first place. It was about the two of you. It was about feeling that comfort, that safety. It was about the fact that your two souls were drawn together since the day you had met. The fact that you had always felt safe with each other. You had always been the other person’s shelter from the storm. 

And you poured every ounce of those feelings into that kiss. 

You combed your fingers through Spencer’s hair, taking a harsh grip on the back of it, holding him there so he couldn’t pull away from your lips. He wrapped his arms around your waist, fisting the back of your sweater. Both of you entirely refused to come up for oxygen, not even caring who saw the epically passionate, public display of your love for each other. 

Unbeknownst to you, Morgan and Hotch exchanged a look with raised brows as it happened. You and Spencer didn’t care. You were barely perceiving the world around you as the two of you kissed. 

“You know if you’re not careful, people are actually gonna think you two are married.” Morgan said, being his usual sarcastic self. 

Rather than pulling away from Spencer’s lips to sass him back - you simply flipped Derek off over Spencer’s shoulder. 

On the ride home, JJ handed Derek five dollars. He had the over/under that the two of you would get together before the end of the year. JJ said that it wouldn’t happen for another five years, at least. Derek handed the fiver to Emily when she reminded him that the ‘fake marriage’ bit had actually been her idea. 

When Emily and JJ relayed the story to Penelope, she squealed so loudly into the phone that JJ dropped it. 

Hotch pulled you aside later and warned you that the fake rings were just cheap costume jewelry that Garcia had gotten and they would tarnish soon if you kept wearing them. He also recommended that you and Spencer put in the paperwork with HR if you were ‘serious’ about the relationship. You knew that it was him wishing the two of you his best. 

A few days later when you came into work and found the HR request for an update of relationship status sitting on your desk, already signed by Spencer, you couldn’t help but to smile.

...

A/N: okay, I do have to admit, the ending kind of sucks imo (like the last few paragraphs) because I highly resisted the urge to end this with 'baby making' smut where y/n is like if 'you want kids for real, then we can have kids', and then Spencer just goes nuts. because I did like the more cheesy/romantic love confession ending, and I was getting way too tired to write smut for this. idk if I should do that 'x amount of reblogs for part 2' thing or if I'm just happy with this being a standalone oneshot?? idk. if people ask for a part 2, then I will set a reblog goal for it. and I will work on a part 2 for it after Lesson Two is posted.

[itwasnotahamster]

- Letters from the Dead - (Part 1)

Langhus, 21 March 1990 | © The Old Nick | Source: Letters from the Dead

The brackets will indicate possible context or corrections (sometimes commentary). - 💜

"Only Black is true, only Death is real!!! Gore is trend! Hello Nick! It's Dead here again. Hey- you're really good at drawing, I use to do some drawing stuff myself. I enclose something of it in this letter. Maybe we together can work something out, maybe even in Metal Destruction…? You asked of releases, if we need some artworks for that... Well we rarely give out much and as for the next release we'll probably have some photograph instead. But if we would need something that you might feel for help us out with I'll tell of it. So what we can use drawings for is for stuff like flyers, ads and letter­pages. So far I have done the drawings for that... well the main reason of that is that we have a (old!) xerox mashine and I'm the one in the band that 'can' draw. It's not so often that I have time left to spend hours or sometimes days by making drawings and too many don't like that kind of drawings I make (but fuck them wimps!). But onto the Deathlike Silence Prod. now. The 2nd edition of the 1st release on DSP. - Merciless is out now, the one you get here as promo. We're looking for distributors everywhere and everybody who can sell 10 (or more) records will receive a copy for free + that 10 records will be cheaper. As soon as this the 2nd ed. has paid, Imperator will go in studio.

Imperators LP will contain 8-10 songs (depending on how many "old demo songs" they'll use - but it'll be new trax as well) and it'll be entitled "The time before time". After that it'll probably be the colombian Masacre as the next release. Masacre will be very soon release a 7- inches with 3 demo songs on the greek label Scene of Love. That's a new started label and I hope they can give out enough copies, not limited ed. of it. Of course we give the bands free hands and they're not bounded to use at all, but I'm thinking of the fact that Masacre is selling so much... Only in Colombia their 1st, and only demo sold 1000 copies ( which is more than our Deathcrush demo has sold worldwide...). We can only press up 1000 copies each time of every edition of DSP, and the first ed. Of Merciless sold out as fast as we could pack and post it. This second ed. we recieved [received] for not a so long time ago will depend on how much stamps we can get, of how soon it'll sell out. In Norway it's very hard to sell records - it's far away from USA or South America and I don't think any real scene exists here. Do you think you can take care of some distribution/selling of DSP releases, or you maybe know someone else who's interested? [True dedication]. I think Merciless will be very easy to sell in Italy. Many zines exists there and we recieve many letters from there also. We also sell other records (given out by various underground labels) but it can be so different of what records of others releases we sell 'cos we usually don't get so many of them, so they sell out so soon. But anyway - I can tell of what we presently have got (except of Merciless)

LP's (£10000 + postage)

Agressor/Loudblast (split LP, France) "Licenced to thrash"

Arakain (Czechoslovakia, speed metal - I do not like this one!) "Thrash the Trash"

Nomed (France)... very boring mainstream... "Like..."

Abomination (USA)

Disharmonic Orchestra/Pungent Stench (Austria, split LP)

Malicious Intent (Canada) "Shades of black"

7's (£5000 + postage)

Asphyx (Holland, Limited ed. 1000 copies) "Mutilating Process"

Atrocity (Germany) "Blue Blood"

Pungent Stench (Austria) "Extreme Deformity"

Disharmonic Orchestra (Austria) "Successive Substitution"

Do not print this in Metal Destruction, I will explain it to you, ok. If you want any of these records above, please tell of how many and of what records so I can see how much the postage will be. Now over to Mayhem. For the first time we've been in studio and recorded 2 songs (first time with this line-up I mean). It'll be released on Chicken Brain Records, a swedish kind of underground label some time in this autumn. It'll be 8-19 other (swedish) bands on it, among them Merciless. I don't know the title of this compilation LP/CD. Our songs that'll be on it are "The Freezing Moon" and "Carnage". The Freezing Moon is a new one and pretty different from our other songs, as example it's a long guitar solo on a very long Doom part on it and that's because we wanted to have a solo at only one track (of our new ones). Carnage was made in '85 (!) so it's really old. It was on the 1st demo/reh - Pure Fucking Armageddon (released in only 100 copies and not available) but with the thought of the very bad sound on it we feeled for playing it again and try to keep the original sound of it. I'll tape these trax for ya but I'm not so sure of if it'll be enclosed in this letter or if I'll put this letter togeather [together] with the Merciless record but anyhow you'll get this tape. You can record it to others if you like to but please don't trade it, and I'll record some else bands too for filling out the rest of the tape. Have you heard of the INCREADIBLY KILLING GREAT band Tormentor from Hungary? Their demo is about 4 years old but it sounds like the Death/Black metal bands of today. We try to find out if they want a deal on DSP. But unfortunately they hardly speak any English at all so it seems like neither them or us understood it... We think of releasing a full-lengtht LP of Mayhem but it seems to take a fucking longtime before we got material enough for it... The only we know about it is a title that MUST be used - De Mysteriis Dom. Sathanas. That was about all future plans I can tell of I guess. I look forward to see Metal Destruction. There's a possibility that we can sell it also, but I can't say if for sure.

About Satanism... well, I'd like to join a very underground and Illful, Evil and Grim Coven. I think you know of the hassles by finding any or getting any contact with a such. I do NOT like what's created by Anton LaVey like 1st Church of Satan. I came in contact with a dude who's a degree in the American Satans Sons - Church of Satan and he explained of it has nothing to do with LaVey at all. I asked of if it does exist in Europe also and of what it is exactly... well he didn't reply. But I heard later thet Satans Sons shall exist in Europe but I still don't know in which countries it is. In Norway it's not much of this, but in Sweden (-I am swedish) that 1st Church shall be in Stockholm (the capital there) and it shall be about 5 churches built by satanic sects, used only by satanists, mostly it's under christian churches - like the one under "Mariakyrkan" (Mary's Church) in the South of Stockholm where the 1st Church of Satan use to hang around at. I know it exists really Dark covens that use human sacrifices and are eating human flesh - them are those I try to find. I do not know much about magic and I can't say I'm a practicer of it 'cos I havn't succed. What is depending on what one can do in magic (all of its kind) is of what books one can get...those are hidden in libraries and so hard to even see... 'cos of course they don't let anyone even see them. You must be a scientist or something like if you would see the microfilms of that kind of books. A great library of many various kinds of magical arts and the Blackest of Black Arts too is the British Museum in London. But it's so damned difficult to get ones claws on those books. One book I really wanna get is De Mysteriis Dom. Sathanas, unfortunately it exists only in one copy... are you practicing any magic and do you know of any covens? Have you seen/heard/felt anything supernatural? I have but I didn't understand much of what that was and I think the most of it was only so-called echoes from the past or the future [I am curious about this]. Do you know anything about astral planes and out-of body travelling? You seem to be into it and I agree about stupid trendmakers so it is something that I feel I can tell you of. I had a weird experience once, I had inner bleedings and it couldn't be found at x-rays so when it continued to bleed and bleed I finally fainted and dropped down the floor 'cos I run out of blood. The heart had no blood left to beat and my veins/artairs were almost emptied of blood. "Tecnically" I was dead. At that moment I fell down (into a door I heard of later) I saw a strange blue colour everywhere, it was transparent so I could, for a short moment, see everything in blue, till something shining white and "hot" surrounded me. What happened later is out of interest, I woke up when some ambulance men came and drove me to a hospital and there the bastards of surgery started to cut me up at the wrong side so I got a huge scar for that. However, it's someone I know who's had many out of body experiences and is using magic of various kinds and knows much more than I do of "supernatural" experiences, that I asked of this 'cos it was so strange about those colours. She told me that the first 'plane' in the astral world has the colour blue. The "earthly" plane has the colour black, then comes a grey one that is very near the earthly one and is easy to come to. The next one further is blue, and then it gets brighter and brighter till it "stops" at a white-shining one that can't be entered by mortals. IF any mortal succee enter it, that one is no longer a mortal and can not come back to the other planes nor back to this earth. After the white plane or level or whatever it goes further with other colour I don't know of, there only spirits and great sorcerers can travel. I was told that the white plane I then entered, without I knew it, was the dead world and I died. But I also got thrown back after a short time which very rarely happens. So of what I've heard of I have some kind of purpose to achieve here."

Reached the limit for this one, I will add on!

[curio-queries]

Hi CQ, Thank you for your ask! I would also like to keep this conversation going as it tickles my brain in the most delightful way.

My question is kind of circling back to your comment about the use of Go-Pro's going forward when it comes to BTS content. It's such an easy way to add a very personal and up close pov to the scenes. YET, I feel like the scaled down crew of AYS and the use of Go-Pro's and especially the lack of attention to the audio has led to some pretty egregious technical setbacks. From choppy audio to a lack of proper coverage in certain scenes. This leads to an edit that has to cover a lot of potholes, so to speak. Do you think this is purely due to the intimate nature of AYS (less crew means more comfort for jikook, easier travel in between locations) or something else? Where's that Disney money 😩😩😩?

Hi Sol, I'm loving our exchanges, so thank you for keeping it going and sending me such an interesting prompt! I definitely had to think about this one a little bit to find how to encapsulate my thoughts.

The short answer is, I think this all just speaks to how the BTS production team is approaching experimental content and the financing required for such projects. Some comparables would be Suchwita and Jin's Alcohol Journey.

Let's start with Jin's show first.

(For anyone that hasn't watched it, I highly recommend. I don't drink but I still found it fascinating.) This is a 4 part episodic show that followed Jin as he learned about and made his own batch of a traditional drink. This show was a collaboration with Chef Baek Jong-won.

Personally, I feel this show was a success. Definitely leaned into more traditional filmmaking and storytelling (appropriately given the subject matter) and was a little more heavy-handed with the promo of Jin's solo music. In my opinion, this will lean the content to feeling more dated than it truly is but that may give us a hint as to how it was funded. There weren't any blatant sponsorships aside from the partnership with Chef Baek so it could have been reconciled as part of the promotions for The Astronaut. Wooteo is pretty prevalent in the show and it aired in the midst of the promo content.

I don't remember when the deal with Disney started to become known but I don't recall anyone in my circles angry that it wasn't getting the Disney release. (Could have been happening but I really limit where I spend my time engaging in social media so maybe that's on me for not being aware. Does anyone here remember if this was an issue?)

Now, let's move on to Suchwita.

(Disregard the quote on the above gif, I couldn't find a different one from the first ep.)

If you watch the first episode, it's on a different set and aired about a month before ep 2. When ep 3 airs, they first make it very clear that the show 'survived'. This is what leads me to believe that episode 1 was filmed on speculation. They could use that as a proof-of-concept to shop the show around to brands to secure more long-term funding. Suchwita's main focus as a show in the current events space is very focused on the guest's current projects and promotions.

Getting back to AYS,

We're far enough into the show that I believe we can rule out album promotions as being a financial driver. Not only because most of the member's songs that even make an appearance in the show were long-ago released but the manner in which they were incorporated is indicative as well. They're really only mentioned in the context of bringing us into the member's lives and sharing in the joy they have for eachother's work. (Also hopefully satisfying those fans that only ask the members to mention other member's songs when one of them would livestream...but that's a subject for another day.)

I think there's a strong possibility that the US eps were filmed on speculation as well. That there was no guarantee of a Disney release at the time. Just like the other shows, they knew they knew they could release on their own if Disney decided to pass so the footage definitely wouldn't be wasted. But I believe that's why the scope of the show seems vaguely undefined during eps 1&2.

Everything else that we've been discussing regarding production honestly seems within the typical scope of BTS's content under similar circumstances. Yes, there is plenty of room for improvement, but it's far from the worst show BTS has ever produced. I think one of the points that makes ppl think it's worse than it is is the management of expectations. I mentioned this in my review of Jimin's Production Diary but if we approach that show expecting that we're going to get detailed breakdown of all of the steps to create an album, we'll be very disappointed. Likewise, AYS is not a detailed vlog of how our members spent their time in these mini vacations.

One last thought,

BTS is not really given the space to experiment and explore. True experimentation requires space for failure, realignment, and growth. And that's just not something BTS has been granted the luxury of. There is such EXPECTATION with everything they release. Everything HAS to be success. That's one of the reasons I was so thrilled to hear RM had performed an unreleased song at the D-DAY concert. Crowdworking new material at concerts was a staple of tourning bands in the west and it helps bands get such critical live feedback DURING the creative process. Now, I don't think that was necessarily the goal with RMs performance but it's so lovely to see him able to even take a step in that direction. Such a thing woukd have been completely unheard of years prior. Fans (likely still) would have been clamoring about being led astray if the song changed drastically after that performance.

Anyway, I could very easily be completely wrong about all of this so let's all take it with a huge grain of salt.

[itneverendshere]

hii! just wanted to drop by this message to say I’m currently obsessed with the series of ‘loved you at your worst’. It has dragged me to pull out all folklore songs again 🥲 I just loooove your writing style and it amazes me how you can redact so amazingly <3 can’t wait for more chapters to see what’s next. Quick curious question: can you give us some more context on how invested was Rafe in the relationship with y/n? I’m curious how their dynamic was when both were stable lol. (I’m sorry if there’s misspelling, English is not my first language hehe).

your english is perfect don't worry, it's not my first language either!

im gonna try to summarize their relationship pre-big break up: rafe was SO obsessed with her, like genuinely all-in on this relationship. when things were good, they were perfect, they just clicked in this undeniable way—emotionally, physically, spiritually, they were just meant to fit. he wasn’t just invested; he was borderline consumed.

but it wasn’t just love, it was also their shared trauma. both of them had been through so much, and that’s partly why they felt so seen by each other. she got him in a way no one else did, and he craved that understanding (that's why shit hit the fan when she didn't coddle him when ward died). when they were stable, he actually put in effort to be open with her (his version of it), and she was his safe place and vise-versa. you’d look at them and think, “they're meant to be" yk??

but when things went wrong...it was a shitshow.

neither of them knew how to communicate their needs properly, so they’d just explode instead.

they’d go on those “breaks,” but they were still obsessing over each other, stalking socials, making each other jealous with a little flirting, just overall trying to be mean and hurtful but also checking in, very much toxic.

if they want any chance at real happiness together, they’re both gonna have to do some serious inner work, “heal your childhood traumas” level of work.

therapy? mandatory.

individual and couples counseling. they’d both need to face all that baggage, which is a LOT, honestly, given their history. 

i know everyone’s mad at rafe for dumping her just because she called out his father—even if she wasn’t wrong—but remember, he was not in his right mind. he was drowning in grief, numbing himself with alcohol, desperate for any sense of validation, so yeah, he filled her space with someone else just to feel needed. it's messy as fuck and desrespectful, but it wasn't a calculated choice.

and here’s the thing: it’s been from reader's POV so far, so we haven’t seen everything. yes, she’s hurting, but she’s not entirely blameless either. there were so many situations she could’ve handled better, and you’ll get to see those moments from a different angle soon.

honestly, both of them need to grow up. while i love my baby reader to pieces, part of why she feels so isolated now is because she put all her energy into rafe and rafe alone. she never took the time to build friendships or let others in, assuming he’d always be there and she’d never need anyone else. so yeah, she’s alone while he still has people around him, but that’s not entirely his fault, either. they both need to work on themselves if they want to heal.

[red-riot-unbreakable-heart]

Shoto's First Kiss Timeline? Idk let's plot it out together

Gif Caption: Me and Shoto sitting together on the train, vibing. 💕

Hi All!!

If you're a fan of the Shoto's First Kiss series, Chapter 5 dropped at like 3:30 am EST this morning because I am an absolute HEATHEN and decided to have a late night/early morning editing session for 3 hours before posting. This was fun because I decided to add the whole Lisa Frank phone background scene for kicks and add a little more build up to the smut scene (I love a slowish burn...what can I say!?).

@brie-is-cheesy had some great questions in the comments of Chapter 5, I'm going to post it below and answer the best I can! I don't have a full answer to everything and I'm taking some ✨creative liberties ✨ here and there but lets see if I can clear some things up for my lovely readers!

Hiiiii, totally loved it; I was wondering when this is set? Like the timeline, I just got confused I'll leave the list of confusing things about the timeline,, I wrote about how much I love this in my reblog cuz this is awesome!! -since bnha is set in the mid to late 2100s I was wondering if the older songs they're listening to will include songs that are relatively new for us as of now? -when does this occur? Like you mentioned they're in their first year, and its after they've moved into the dorms but it's nearing the summer of next year, so is it after the war arc, or after the events of bnha entirely? Just wanted to ask! Thank you for the update!!<3 - brie-is-cheesy

Okay these are FAB questions and honestly I can't give you a straight answer to all of them!

Here's the background: So this story started out as a one shot - this past year, Shoto hasn't been one of my main MHA favorites. When I started the Red Riot Unbreakable Heart blog, my goal was to focus on what I've been calling "My Big Three." This includes Kirishima (lol thus my username), Hakws, and Hitoshi Shinsou (I love me an emo man). I was sprinkling in smutty one shots here and there involving other characters (ex. BakuDeku Smut: Hooking Up At A Pro Hero Gala and Beneath the Bookshelves | BakuDeku ). Shoto was one of those random one offs that I was like, huh why not!? But then I published Shoto's First Kiss (Part One) this one shot about Reader x Shoto totally took off in a way I wasn't expecting. Shoto resonates a lot with you all and the more I started writing for him, the more I grew to love him. He's so complex and in need of love and care. He has so much capacity for love!! I wanted to explore that more and figure out how he would act in his first encounters with intimacy and relationships. So I kept posting chapters, and started plotting out this wild story!

Timeline: When I started writing the one shot, I wanted the story to ambiguously take place in the 2nd or 3rd year when the characters were a little older. I was kind of working it in an AU where the war had vaguely happened and was over but everyone is okay and no one was injured/died/had their quirk impacted by AFO. In the context of Shoto's First Kiss chapter one - the war doesn't matter (at least if you re-read it I hope you don't find any plot holes mentioning the war!?). Also I have tried to say "Class A" instead of "Class 1A" because as I wrote more chapters, I still hadn't figured out what year we are in here.

Now that we're world building and have a more fleshed out story, here's what I'm thinking. Bare with me, we are going to need to suspend some disbelief here and I might need to go back and make some tweaks to previous chapters to keep everything in line with this line of thinking. But let's say this:

Timeline: The timeline takes place in the character's 1st year. I just combed through this timeline of MHA that someone put together on Reddit. I'm thinking this likely takes place at the end of Term 1. Final exams are coming up, and the students have heard a little about the training camp. Most of the MHA events so far are probably cannon in my fic universe, unless otherwise mentioned. The great thing for me is - most of MHA is in the context of Izuku's experiences, so there's a lot of wiggle room in the timeline for what could be happening between Shoto x The Reader. I haven't decided if the current chapters take place before or after Shoto/Izuku/Ida's encounter with Stain, because I can see some interesting plot points coming from that. I'll think about it!! This may change, but for purposes of continuity I think this could work as I move forward with my plotting!

Age: All the characters are at least 16. Let's just roll with that and take some creative liberties here. I'm aging everyone up.

The Dorms: In this fic universe, I pictured the students moving into the dorms at the start of the year. Like the dorms are just part of the normal UA experience - for all intents and purposes it's a boarding school.

The Songs: Okay this is a really interesting idea! I am literally just putting in playlists of music I like right now, I didn't think much about modern music flowing into the story. Lol would Honenuki listen to BRAT!? Maybe. I love him and think of him as a sweet chill cinnamon roll of a dude, though. I think he would be scandalized by Guess Featuring Billie Eilish. Or maybe he'd love it. He'd def love Chappell Roan, though. Dude is a sloot for Red Wine Super Nova and I just know it!

The Vibe: @ all of my beloved readers - I realize that this story means a lot to people, and I love that!! Even though we explore complex and serious subject matter at times, this is still a goofy silly story that I write for fun! Please don't hold me to these ideas that I'm throwing out in a semi-public brainstorm. I am but a simple fanfic writer who churns out most of the Shoto pages at midnight after I work two jobs. Shoto's First Kiss is a project that I write purely for fun and to build community with other adult MHA fans. I'm not like going to publish this as a book or put it on Patr*on behind a paywall or something. So let's keep it light! That being said, I love interacting with everyone so if there are fun questions that you think would be interesting for me to answer in this story, let me know! I'm very open to hearing thoughts and considering new ideas here :)

Okay okay SORRY FOR SO MUCH INFO! Thanks again @brie-is-cheesy for being so thoughtful in your reading and for asking these great questions! This is def going to help me guide the next few chapters of the story as I plot things out and as we get a satisfying next chapter in The Party arc. I'm going to post this reply on my Master List so we can all keep track of it and come back to it easily if needed.

As always, thanks for reading!! Sending good vibes to all ☺️

XOXO,

Red Riot Unbreakable Heart ❤️

Shoto's First Kiss Series:

Part 1: Shoto Todoroki x Reader | First Kiss ❄️🔥💋

Part 2: Shoto Todoroki x Reader | First Kiss ❄️🔥💋 PART 2

Part 3: Shoto Todoroki x Reader | First Kiss ❄️🔥💋 PART 3

Part 4: Shoto Todoroki x Reader | First Kiss ❄️🔥💋 PART 4

Part 5: Shoto Todoroki x Reader | First Kiss ❄️🔥💋 PART 5

My Master List

Red's Recos: If you're looking for more fun smutty stories from my writing desk, I'll share 3 of my all time favorites from my Master List. These are all fairly long and have a lot of sexual tension/build up with some satisfying smut scenes:

How to Suck Your Best Friend’s D*ck 🍆💋

BakuDeku Smut: Hooking Up At A Pro Hero Gala

A Long, *Hard* Night with Eijiro Kirishima

[kylieswift31]

Taylor swift, the mastermind and a journey down the rabbit hole...

Introduction

This started off as an exploration of Taylor's Swift's music videos and lyrical analysis, but throughout the process of analysing the delicate music video I began to uncover a deeper layer to what was being shown. This in itself felt like a big connection, but upon further exploration I discovered what felt like a much bigger puzzle piece connecting everything Taylor has been working on up until this point. I thought that was where it ended only to discover more and more all over again. In the end, the rabbit hole is so much deeper than I could have predicted, but the journey was worth the wait.

I was discovering deeper layers and connections as this came together, and my intention was to provide my discoveries with you in a similar way. I could go back and delete most of it and leave you with my discoveries, but I don't believe that's what Taylor would have wanted.

If you want to share this or add to it please go ahead, but if you do, try not to spoil the ending for others before they've had a chance to find out for themselves. Being able to see the connections for yourself as you go along adds much needed context to the connections discussed, so treat this like a book and take it one chapter at a time. After all, once you open pandoras box, there's no going back.

If you're interested in learning more please keep reading, but be warned this is going to be a really long post. I have broken this down into 13 parts, (it started off as 3) so feel free to pause after each one if you need to and come back to it when you're ready.

I fear I have reached the bottom of the rabbit hole...

Will you join me?

🕳🐇

Chapter 1

The delicate music video

"Is it cool that I said all that? Is it too soon to do this yet?"

Taylor Swift has been leaving Easter eggs in her music, outfits and interviews for years now. These can range from hidden messages in the lyric booklets to bigger clues for upcoming albums and songs, as seen in the you need to calm down music video. There are many Easter eggs in the delicate music video too, but it's also hinting at a bigger theme some have seen throughout Taylor's work over the years. If we dive deeper into the lyrics, music videos, interviews and performances we might get a greater understanding of what Taylor is sharing with us throughout her work.

Opening credits. Instead of sharing my opinion on all of this with you from the start, I'll provide my findings and allow you to make your own assessment along the way...

The delicate music video starts with a close up of Taylor on the red carpet, surrounded by people wanting the latest update on her love life.

"This ain't for the best

My reputation's never been worse, so

You must like me for me"

She composes herself before the interview starts, stepping into the persona of pop star Taylor.

"We can't make

Any promises now, can we, babe?"

A passerby hands Taylor a sparkling note from a secret admirer.

"But you can make me a drink"

Taylor is makes her way inside. Despite the damage to her reputation, Taylor is still really popular with her fans who want to take photos with her.

"Dive bar on the East Side, where you at?

Phone lights up my nightstand in the black

Come here, you can meet me in the back"

A man dressed in a red concierge uniform tries to get to Taylor, but he is carried away before he gets too close.

"Dark jeans and your Nikes, look at you

Oh damn, never seen that color blue

Just think of the fun things we could do

('Cause I like you)"

She's surrounded by bodyguards on all sides now. Taylor starts to notice how they move in sync when she does. If she takes a step back, so do they.

"This ain't for the best

My reputation's never been worse, so

You must like me for me

(Yeah, I want you)"

When she's left alone, we see her reading the note she received earlier. The location of her dressing room suggests that it's private and secretive.

"We can't make

Any promises now, can we, babe?

But you can make me a drink"

Taylor gets distracted by a group of girls walking into the room. When she turns back to the mirror her reflection has disappeared. She leaves the note next to the basin to investigate.

"Is it cool that I said all that?

Is it chill that you're in my head?

'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)"

The people around Taylor can't see her, no matter what she does to get their attention. She appears invisible, something she's been writing about in her lyrics since debut.

"Is it cool that I said all that?

Is it too soon to do this yet?

'Cause I know that it's delicate"

Ditching her red shoes is the first step she takes to embrace this newfound freedom and then continues to tear away the bottom of her dress. We start to see a lot more playfulness and freedom in the way Taylor moves knowing that no one can see her.

"Isn't it, isn't it, isn't it?

Isn't it?

Isn't it, isn't it, isn't it?

Isn't it delicate?"

Taylor is dancing her way through the hotel and there's no one paying enough attention to stop her, they appear to be too focused on their roles at work to notice her.

"Third floor on the West Side, me and you

Handsome, you're a mansion with a view

Do the girls back home touch you like I do?

Long night with your hands up in my hair

Echoes of your footsteps on the stairs

Stay here, honey, I don't wanna share

('Cause I like you)"

We see the concierge guy being carried away again. Here it is implied that he had made another attempt to get to Taylor, but again failed to do so.

"This ain't for the best

My reputation's never been worse, so

You must like me for me

(Yeah, I want you)

We can't make

Any promises now, can we, babe?

But you can make me a drink"

The climax of the dance scene shows Taylor start to feel overwhelmed with it all. It was fun to begin with but the look on her face shows how lonely it’s become to be doing all of this on her own.

"Is it cool that I said all that?

Is it chill that you're in my head?

'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)

Is it cool that I said all that?

Is it too soon to do this yet?

'Cause I know that it's delicate"

Next she enters the elevator. It’s already occupied by an older woman in a red dress. She smiles at Taylor, who becomes hopeful that she’s become visible again. The lady starts applying lipstick to her lips as Taylor turns to find that she was looking at her own reflection in the mirror the whole time.

"Isn't it, isn't it, isn't it?

Isn't it?

Isn't it, isn't it, isn't it?

Isn't it delicate?"

Taylor has left the hotel and is now in an underground train station. She’s still dancing, but with less enthusiasm than before.

"Sometimes I wonder, when you sleep

Are you ever dreaming of me?"

As she steps onto the train she falls at the feet of the man, who is eerily similar to Taylor’s character in the man music video.

"Sometimes when I look into your eyes"

Taylor perks up again with a lovestruck look on her face, clutching her heart. It's a little dramatic but she appears excited.

"I pretend you're mine all the damn time"

The next scene shows Taylor dancing in the rain at night, on her way to the bar. We begin to see there is graffiti on the walls as she goes up the street. They mention Reputation and lyrics from delicate.

"Is it cool that I said all that?

Is it chill that you're in my head?

'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)

(Yeah, I want you)"

The way she bows in this scene, as well as the graffiti behind her, reflect iconic imagery from the hunger games catching fire movie.

"Is it cool that I said all that?

Is it too soon to do this yet?

'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)

('Cause I like you)"

The dancing sequence concludes with Taylor's final pose on the hood of an old fashioned car.

"Is it cool that I said all that? (Isn't it?)

Is it chill that you're in my head? (Isn't it, isn't it?)

'Cause I know that it's delicate (isn't it delicate?)

(Yeah, I want you)"

Here Taylor has finally reached her destination, the bar mentioned in the note from her secret admirer. This is the first time we will see them meet. The red neon lights indicate that the bar is called the golden gopher, open nightly 365.

"Is it cool that I said all that? (Isn't it?)"

Taylor is clutching the note to her chest as she steps into the bar, hopeful for what she will find when she opens her eyes. It seems like she's making a wish that this will all work out for the best.

"Is it too soon to do this yet? (Isn't it, isn't it?)"

When she opens her eyes we see several people sitting at the bar turn to look at her coming through the door. Every person at the bar could be her secret admirer, but it’s implied the man closest to the door is her match because he's the one in focus.

"'Cause I know that it's delicate"

We’re left with one final close up shot of Taylor, rain soaked and worn out from her journey, as she lights up with recognition upon seeing the person who was there waiting for her all along.

"Isn't it delicate?"

End credits.

Chapter 1 conclusion

Choose your own adventure

Here is where I invite you to think about the story and come up with your own conclusions about how it ended.

Level 1.

Do you believe that the story is just about Taylor finding love again after her reputation was damaged? If so, the story ends for you with the guy at the bar waiting for her.

Level 2.

Maybe you picked up on a deeper layer of the story being about the girl at the bar? And that amidst her reputation being damaged she was also coming to terms with having a queer relationship that she had to keep hidden to protect her career? If so, then the story might end here for you with the girl at the bar waiting for her.

Level 3.

Or perhaps you wanted to go a little deeper still? By re-examining the story searching for clues, you might start to pick up on an even deeper story being told about PR relationships (where a public relationship could allow a private relationship to remain private). The story could end here for you with the person of your choice waiting at the bar.

Level 4.

An even deeper meaning that is yet to be revealed?

Before you continue

Looking back through my findings, the note from the secret admirer, the strange facial expressions, the concierge guy, the lady in the elevator, the graffiti and the lyrics could all be clues to reconsider and investigate before moving forward.

Chapter 2

The Truman show connection

“Help me, I’m being spontaneous!”

You might have noticed by now that this music video is a perfectly executed retelling of the Truman show. More on that later, lets explore the movie in a bit more detail first.

The Trueman show is a movie from 1998 featuring Jim Carrey in the role of Truman Burbank, who lives in the picturesque town of Seahaven. He has a wife, a nice house and car, he goes to work every day and spends his free time hanging out with his best friend. He leads a picture perfect life, or so it seems?

Truman's day starts with greeting his neighbours while on his way to work. "Good morning! Oh, and incase I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening and goodnight!" It's apparent from the first day that Truman has a consistent routine with his drive to work, stopping to get the paper and making his way up to his office. Truman's life appears to be perfect and full of happiness, but slowly we start to see the cracks forming in the facade.

The first crack appears while Truman is at work. He's ripping a picture of a lady's facial features out of a magazine and making a secretive call to the directory assistance looking for someone by the name of Lauren or Sylvia Garland.

His boss delegates a job for him to complete that involves travelling across the bay via boat. As he makes his way to the dock we learn that Truman has a debilitating fear of water, caused by his dad drowning when he was younger and this prevents him from getting on the boat. The next crack comes when Truman recognises a man on the street that looks eerily like his father, but gets whisked away before they can talk.

Through Truman's interactions we start to learn that he has a dream of moving to Fiji, and to explore other parts of the world. The only problem is that he lives on an island and is afraid of water. When he mentions this plan to his wife he's reminded of their financial obligations, making it impossible to leave Seahaven.

After another day of work we see Truman in the basement unlocking an old chest that is full of nostalgic memorabilia from his past. There's old toys, photographs of his father and a map of Fiji inside the lid. We get the sense that the basement is Truman's only personal space within the house. As he pulls out a red cardigan from a plastic bag, we get flashbacks of his high school years. His attention is torn between Lauren Garland and his current wife, Meryl. We see Truman is interested in Lauren, but Meryl is persistent as she tries to get his attention.

During a study session in the library, Truman and Lauren have a moment alone for the first time. We start to notice that Lauren has green eyes (just like the picture Truman saved during his present day). She's also wearing a red rose shirt, red cardigan and a red and white badge that says 'how's it going to end?'. As the library closes they sneak away together to the beach. After a while, we see a car driving onto the beach and Lauren gets dragged away by a man claiming to be her father. She hastily reveals that her name isn't Lauren, it's Sylvia, and that everything Truman knows about his life is a lie. Her father claims that she is having an episode because of her schizophrenia. "We've tried everything. Hynotism, shock therapy." And that he's not the first, she brings all her boyfriends down here. She begs Truman to come and find her. As her father drives away, he reassures Truman by saying that he's taking her to Fiji to receive more help. All Truman is left with is her red cardigan.

The flashback ends here and we find out that Truman didn't follow her to Fiji at the time because his mother got sick, really sick. Instead he settled down and married Meryl, while living with the loss of what could've been with Sylvia. We return to the present day as Truman is in the basement holding a photo frame of his wife Meryl. It seems like a loving gesture at first, until he turns it around and opens it up to reveal that he's been collecting a collage of facial features, in an attempt to recreate a portrait of Sylvia from memory.

Eventually we see Truman on his way to work again, but this time the radio in his car is starting to glitch. We hear a strange transmission about Truman's location. There's a high pitched feedback sound as the frequency is returned and the regular channel continues. The cracks in the facade are now bigger than ever.

Truman appears sceptical of everyone around him for the first time and almost gets hit by a bus as he starts to panic. He rushes into a building near his work and just misses the elevator. Another elevator door opens, but as he goes to enter it, it's revealed that there is no elevator and it's just a storage room that is full of people moving about.

As he seeks out his best friend Marlon for help, we learn that Truman feels concerned that he is being followed or set up for something. They leave the supermarket with Truman talking loudly about his birthday and we see them again later in the day sitting at the beach watching the sunset. Marlon describes it as perfect, painted by the big man with a paintbrush. Truman begins to open up about his secret plan to go away for a while.

The next scene shows Truman's mother and wife reminiscing over photos from their past. His mother reminds him of her wish to have a grandchild before it's too late. Meryl offers to take her home with plans to discuss Truman's birthday plans, leaving him alone with the photo album. Upon closer inspection he discovers that a wedding photograph reveals that Meryl had her fingers crossed at the time, implying that her commitment to the marriage was fake.

The next morning Truman tries to confront Meryl, but she claims she doesn't have time, because she has an urgent amputation to perform at the hospital to get to as a result of an elevator disaster from the day before. Truman wishes her good luck and says he will have his fingers crossed for her, suspiciously. Truman follows her to work on his bike and sneaks through the hospital to see if she's lying about this too. The doctors are forced to perform the surgery on a patient pretending to be under anaesthesia.

We're starting to see that those closest to Truman have been lying to him. In a bid to escape, Truman goes to a travel agent looking for a flight that leaves immediately, only to learn that there's nothing available. He perseveres and tries the bus instead but that doesn't work either. Truman seems unsure of what else to try. We see him sitting in his car in his driveway when Meryl gets home from work and she gets into the car with him. Truman tries to tell her that he has figured out that the same people have been going past again and again, like clockwork.

She agrees to go to Fiji in a few months in an attempt to placate him, but Truman locks her in the car and attempts to leave town. "Blocked at every turn. Beautifully synchronised, don't you agree?" It's becoming really obvious that the town is working together to prevent Truman from leaving town now.

They reach a bridge over water that Truman is too scared to drive over at first. Instead of backing down he forces Meryl to steer while he's driving with his eyes closed. "We're over the bridge!" As Truman continues to escape, they are still faced with roadblock after roadblock. There's fire over the road that smokes up the car and an emergency at the nuclear power plant. As they stop Truman thanks the police officer for his help with directions. He replies with "you're welcome, Truman." This is the final straw that creates a big crack in the facade as Truman realises that everything he knows is a lie.

He runs off into the woods but gets trapped and returned home again by the police officers. Meryl offers to make some cocoa as if she's advertising the product at the same time. Truman confronts her looking for answers, only to be accused of having a nervous breakdown. "You're a part of this, aren't you?" he exclaims.

As they're arguing in the kitchen Meryl fearfully calls out "do something!" The next minute his best friend Marlon turns up with a six pack of beer. Meryl leaps into his arms crying as he comforts her, but he's looking at Truman when he says "everything's going to be okay, it's all going to be fine." The next scene cuts to them sitting at the end of an unfinished bridge together as Truman begins to tell Marlon what he's been through. "Maybe I'm losing my mind, but it feels like the whole world revolves around me somehow." Marlon replies by saying "that's a lot of world for one man, Truman."

Truman is concerned that everyone he knows has been in on this lie. Marlon reassures him by saying that he's been Truman's best friend since he was seven years old, that he's the closest thing he's ever had to a brother. "The last thing that I would ever do is lie to you. I mean, think about it Truman. If everybody is in on it... I'd have to be in on it, too."

The conversation ends with Marlon saying that there was something that started all this trouble, implying that he's done something to help. They turn around as we see Truman's father walk towards them through the fog. After many years Truman and his father are finally reunited.

Chapter 2 conclusion

We have now reached the turning point of Truman's story. Before we get any further I invite you to reassess your answer to how the delicate music video ended before we continue.

Level 1.

Did Taylor end up with the guy at the bar?

Level 2.

Is Taylor queer and despite the risk to her career end up with the girl at the bar?

Level 3.

Is it both? Has Taylor been in public relationships with men to protect her queer relationships with women and to keep her career safe?

Level 4.

An even deeper meaning that is yet to be revealed?

Chapter 3

Lights, camera, action!

“I think I’ve seen this film before”

The first time you watch the Truman show, the focus is on Truman and his journey. There have been cracks in the facade of his story from the beginning, but halfway through we reach a turning point as it becomes obvious that Truman is also the star of a 24 hour reality TV show that broadcasts his life to the public without his knowledge. Every move he makes is being observed by the outside. I left out some of these details from part two so you could see Truman's story unfold first, so lets go back through some of the initial clues before we finish his story.

The very first scene is not of Truman, but the director Christof, talking to the audience of the Truman show. There are many clues throughout the movie hinting at the fact that the town of Seahaven is a set designed for the viewer's access to every aspect of Trueman's life.

The first time we see Truman on the screen it is through the lens of a TV screen, the same way the audience of the show does. It feels very intimate, like he is talking to us, but in fact he is talking to his reflection in the bathroom mirror and is not cognisant of our presence. This is a space that is usually private for everyone, yet the viewer has access to this part of his life too. As Truman leaves the room the screen cuts to a black screen with the timestamp 'Day 10,909'.

When Truman leaves for work in his car we feel like we're watching him from within the dashboard, as you can see the blue numbers on the display overlaid on our view of him. The people he greets along the way seem a little too friendly and one group seem to push him back against the wall to give the camera a better angle of him.

Later on as the love triangle is explained via flashbacks, we see commentary from people working in the Truman bar as they watch the show. They explain some of his backstory for us and talk about watching his greatest hits videos from time to time. Everyone Truman comes into contact with knows who he is.

I mentioned in the last part that we were at the turning point in Truman's story. This second half of the story is when we start to get a proper look behind the scenes of the show we have been watching, as we see more from the directors point of view. Truman's best friend is receiving directions on what to say via an in ear device to convince him that they're not lying. The fog on the bridge is added for dramatic flare, there's a shot of viewers surrounded by the Truman show memorabilia and we see the emotional music playing is being choreographed too. The next scene is the first time we see Sylvia as an adult. She's sitting in her living room with an assortment of photos and newspapers in front of her, watching Truman on her TV too. It's clear she still cares about him.

The show continues with a recap of how 1.7 billion were there for Truman's birth, 220 countries watched his first steps and how the world stood still when he kissed Sylvia for the first time. They explain how as the technology improved over the years, their consumption of Truman's life increased too. "An entire human life recorded on an intricate network of hidden cameras, and broadcast live and unedited 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to an audience around the globe." We get a glimpse into where Truman is living. Seahaven island is the largest studio ever constructed within a dome like structure, and it's location is just beyond the Hollywood sign. The moon is fake and the director has been working from within it the entire time.

We start to find out how they had to manufacture ways to keep Truman on the island. His father dying played a big part of that, but to the viewers it is just a plot twist in the show they've been watching for their entertainment. They have 5,000 cameras now, but started off with just one. They've been watching Truman's life since he was conceived and he was legally adopted by a corporation to fulfil the role on the show. Everything on the show is for sale, including their wardrobe, food products and dollhouse style versions of the homes they live in. "We accept the reality of the world with which we are presented." This is the director's response as to why Truman has never left Seahaven or found out about the show.

The interviewer is still taking calls from viewers and this time we hear Sylvia is on the line. We're shown that her home is full of anti-the Truman show information, with artefacts pinned up on the walls of her home. She has been collecting evidence since she was kicked out and is still trying to protect him, with evidence that there's a darker side to the show that we haven't seen before now. The director has a persuasive viewpoint on why Truman is happy living the life as he knows it. The interviewer attempts to placate the viewers by saying "well, aside from the heated comments of a very vocal minority, it's been an overwhelmingly positive experience." The director lets the audience know that Truman's wife will be leaving soon and a new love interest will be introduced.

The next morning we go back to Truman in the bathroom again, as if he's just started another regular day. He seems playful, using a bar of soap to draw an alien outline on the mirror, while at the same time indicating that he feels alienated too. His trip to work is just like the one at the start of the movie, but this time each interaction feels a little more forced. The cameras are more visible now. We view Truman through a hidden camera inside of the pencil sharpener. His boss introduces him to his new love interest Vivian, who is wearing a red cardigan just like the one he kept hidden away that belonged to Sylvia.

After an afternoon of working in the garden, the cameramen are keeping watch as Truman is asleep in the basement. He informs the director that he moved down there after Meryl packed up and left, leaving him home alone. The director is concerned about a change in his behaviour so they send Marlon to investigate. When he gets there and finds there's a plastic snowman in the bed, Marlon's pretending that it's a game because they're still broadcasting the show. He stands in front of a map to Fiji pretending he doesn't know where to look, only to whip around and open the door.

Inside the broom closet is a hole in the ceiling Truman created that leads to a secret tunnel out of the basement. Marlon sticks his head out of the hole like a gopher to find that Truman is nowhere in sight. The director yells "cut transmission!" and the live stream is ended for the first time since it began. Everyone begins to panic as they try to locate Truman and deal with the fallout. There are soon hoards of people combing the streets. In one last ditch effort to find him the daylight gets turned up in the middle of the night. Everyone's wondering what time it is and rumours are circulating amongst viewers that Truman might be dead.

Finally they locate Truman. He managed to get on a boat and is sailing away from Seahaven for the first time. He pulls the collage picture of Sylvia out of his pocket, the only thing he took with him. The camera cuts to show us she is relieved that he's finally escaping. The director manufactures a storm to force Truman to turn around. He would rather risk Truman's life than lose the star of the show. Lightning strikes the boat multiple times before he falls overboard. Just as they think Truman drowned, he screams out "is that the best you can do?" Truman begins to sing "What shall we do with the drunken sailor?" while fighting back. The biggest wave of all hits the boat as everyone watching is waiting with bated breath to find out if he survives or not, and he does. The boat comes to a stop as it crashes into the edge of the dome. Truman tries to break his way through the wall but is unsuccessful. He begins walking along the edge until he reaches the infamous staircase that stretches up into the sky with a door leading to the outside world.

Finally in a last ditch effort to persuade Truman to stay, the director talks to Truman for the first time just as he opens the door. He's pleading for Truman to stay, to let the show continue as it is, claiming that he knows Truman better than he knows himself. "You've never had a camera in my head!" is the only thing he says in defence.

The camera cuts to show Sylvia is still anxiously watching from home, praying that Truman will have the courage to leave for the first time. The director begs yet again, saying he is being broadcast to the whole world. We get one final "Incase I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening and goodnight!" as Truman takes a bow and steps through the door. Sylvia begins to rush out of her house and everyone watching at home begin cheering in celebration.

As we sit there hoping for an epilogue to the story, the credits start rolling. We’re left having to come up with our own interpretation of how Truman's story ended.

Chapter 3 conclusion

Choose your own adventure

Here is where I invite you to think about Truman's story and come up with your own conclusions about when he discovered that he was being lied to.

Level 1.

The movie ends and you go on with your day content with knowing that he was able to leave at the end?

Level 2.

Do you go back and watch the movie again? Maybe you investigate and re-examine how Truman first realised something wasn’t right?

Level 3.

Maybe you dig a little deeper still as you start to see the signs that Truman knew all along? How there was a minority of viewers on Truman’s side? And despite his struggles he found a sense of playfulness in the life he was living?

Level 4.

An even deeper meaning that is yet to be revealed?

Before you continue

The Truman show challenges our perception of how ethical it is to have such unobstructed access to Truman’s life. We’re left questioning if our entertainment was worth the price he was paying by spending his whole life living in the spotlight.

Chapter 4

The accomplice

"The devil's in the details, but you've got a friend in me"

When you get to the end of the Truman show movie you start to realise that not everything you saw was as it seems. You could accept this as the ending or you could go back and watch it again, keeping an eye out for all the clues leading us towards a deeper meaning to the story being told.

We've known for some time now that Taylor has included references to the Truman show through her use of Easter eggs, but what I've discovered is that the layers of references to this movie go so much deeper than we've ever realised before now.

We can see references to the Truman show in the first scene of the delicate music video, as we get a close up view of Taylor before the camera zooms out to reveal more about the life she leads. We start to see the cracks form the moment when someone wearing red tries to approach her too. This is the point where everything changes. We see Taylor start to pay attention to her bodyguards moving too perfectly in step with her, just like Truman notices that the people around him appear to be choreographed.

When Taylor is reading the note she received, her facial expressions and dance moves begin to mirror Jim Carrey's mannerisms. Her playfulness is short-lived and the reappearance of the characters in red take on a more complex meaning now that we can see that they are a reference to the Truman show.

The turning point for Taylor's character begins when she becomes overwhelmed. It's all fun and games, until it becomes lonely being invisible. Truman appears to feel the same way. Everyone was so enthralled by the show they were watching that they didn't notice how hard it was for him to not be able to live his life in the way he wanted to. We see him talk about leaving town over and over again, but from the outside we can see that the director is working against him. It makes us contemplate if forcing the star of the show to continue his role is worth it? There's even a point where the director talks about his hopes for the first on screen conception. When does it go too far before it becomes unethical?

Just as Truman escaped the life he felt trapped in, we see Taylor approach the same fate as she enters the bar. The name of the bar, the golden gopher, is a nod to the Truman show too (and what started this deep dive beyond just the Easter eggs). The note she's holding also reflects the collage picture of Sylvia. At last Taylor steps through the door, just like Truman did.

Looking back we can start to see the clues that Truman has known the truth since Sylvia left, based on what she told him as she was being taken away. We see Truman working in the garden several times and once he escaped we can deduce that this is something he's been planning for some time.

Here's the point where we need to consider Marlon's role in Truman's life. We know that they've been best friends since they were kids and have grown up together. So it makes sense that Marlon found ways to communicate with Truman. We start to see that is true with the comment about the sunset. It's an honest observation but said in just the right way that lets Truman know the truth about the life he's living. When he shows up to save Meryl, we see that he's talking to Truman as he says that it's going to be okay. Afterwards when they're sitting on the bridge, you can see that he means what he's saying, despite being told what to say.

Now if we go back and read the delicate lyrics again we start to see a thread of communication with her secret lover has been occurring the whole time. If we believe that Taylor's note was from a female love interest, we start to understand the motive behind needing to find a similar way to communicate without drawing unwanted attention. Looking back, the note Taylor received in the beginning wasn't the first.

At the end, both Truman and Taylor finish their story with a dramatic bow towards the camera. This is our first hint at the the secret hidden meaning I alluded to with the choose your own adventure questions earlier.

If you're ready to fall the rabbit hole then please keep reading...

Chapter 4 conclusion

These quotes are from the very start of the movie, however I’ve saved them for this section as they play a big part in the connections between Truman’s story and Taylor's story.

"We've become bored with watching actors give us phony emotions. We're tired of pyrotechnics and special effects. While the world he inhabits is, in some respects, counterfeit, there's nothing fake about Truman himself. No scripts, no cue cards. It isn't always Shakespeare, but it's genuine. It's a life." -Ed Harris as the director, Christoff

"Well, for me, there is no difference between a private life and a public life. My life... is my life, is the Truman show." -Hannah Gill as Meryl

"It's all true. It's all real. Nothing here is fake. Nothing you see on the show is fake. It's merely controlled." -Noah Emmerich as Marlon

Chapter 5

The tipping point

"When you are young, they assume you know nothing."

The key to the secret hidden meaning I’ve been alluding to is hidden within the Truman show movie. The final bow at the end invites us to go back through their story yet again to uncover the deeper layers. Is this the secret clue? At the end of a theatre performance, the cast will come back on stage one last time to give their final bow of the night as the audience applauds the performance they've just witnessed. So we then have to consider that Truman and Taylor's final bow was an acknowledgement of the fact that they have been putting on a performance the entire time. But who was the performance for? Us.

As we dive even deeper we uncover the final clues. The soliloquy he performs to himself in the mirror, greeting his neighbours with his famous catchphrase, the way he answers the radio host's questions in the car. It's likely Truman knew about his role in the show since Sylvia left, but we can't dismiss the possibility that Marlon had informed him long before that. We know they had less cameras in the beginning so it would've been easier to let it slip without anyone noticing.

From what we can see, Truman was content with the life he had and found. He displays a sense of freedom in being a part of the performance until he found out that his father was still alive. This tipping point in hindsight is when Truman became aware of how far his family went to keep the show going.

This changed everything and is the final crack in the facade that led to Truman planning his escape. As we revisit the flashback to the love triangle, we start to learn how much Truman sacrificed along the way. Through the development of Sylvia's character we start to see the significance of the colour red. To the viewers at home it is a symbol of heartbreak and loss, and that Truman's attachment to the cardigan is based on his feelings for her. But for Truman we can assume that it is more like a symbol of hope that he might finally be free one day. Other symbols we see her wear include a red seahorse pin (their school mascot) a green bauble bracelet and the 'how's it going to end?' badge. When he reads the badge in the library, he quietly admits that he's been wondering that too. After Truman finishes reminiscing about the past, he slyly reveals that the badge is still pinned onto the cardigan. The collage picture of Sylvia also shows that he never lost hope of finding her again.

Red is the colour used throughout most of the Truman show memorabilia, but done in a way that reference Truman's on screen character. What started out as a symbol of resistance slowly became a symbol worn proudly by the audience. If everyone is using the colour for different reasons, how do you know what side they're on?

As we continue the story we return to the scene with the glitch in the radio and we're starting to see more cracks in the facade. Beer seems to have become a codeword between Marlon and Truman. As they watch the sunset, Truman's comment about going away for a while is a truthful admission to Marlon, while allowing the viewer to believe that it's just another wishful thought about going to Fiji. The scene in the hospital and the amputation is where we start to notice Truman has become bolder sharing his concerns with the viewer.

The following scene where Truman is sitting in his car showing Meryl how everybody goes by over and over again (followed by driving laps around the round about while joking about being spontaneous) reveal that he's known all along that the townspeople have always moved around him like clockwork.

And if he knew the entire time, what was the point of the story? To allow the viewer time to first process and accept the information they were presented with, before being presented with an opportunity to uncover the truth. Truman reached a point where his own well-being was more important than the character he had been portraying to the audience. Those who had seen the signs watched on with anticipation and those that didn’t were left feeling shocked and confused.

There are many more connections throughout the rest of the story I could share with you, but will withhold sharing them now so you can discover more connections for yourself in the future. Our exploration of Truman’s story ends with the realisation that he discovered the truth for himself, and in turn allowed us as the viewer an opportunity to do the same.

Chapter 5 conclusion

It was never my intention to go into so much detail about Truman’s story, but the depth of the layers involved play an integral part in our understanding of the connections to Taylor's story, without needing to speculate on her personal life. Skipping over this much needed context would be like skipping to the answers in the back of the book, (or ruining the ending of the Saw movie) without having the chance to come to your own conclusions first. A lot of the upcoming expedition won't make sense if we don't learn about Truman's life.

When Alice falls down the rabbit hole it’s not a quick descent. It was a slow journey where nothing seemed to be happening as she travelled through layers and layers underground, until all at once she found that she had suddenly landed at the bottom of the rabbit hole.

"I think that it's perfectly reasonable for people to be normal music fans and to have a normal relationship to music, but... if you wanna go down a rabbit hole with us come along, the water's great. Jump in! We're all mad here!!"

Chapter 6

The cracks in the facade

"You just see right through me"

It’s well known that Taylor’s work has long been inspired and influenced by her favourite artists, historical figures, folklore and fairy tales since the very beginning of her career. But what most don’t see is the cracks in the facade of her public persona, and how the facade we see is inspired by the Truman show.

During the delicate performance on the eras tour we see how the themes surrounding the Truman show movie inspired the visuals on the stage. Slowly we see cracks forming in the glass, until at last there's so many cracks the entire thing shatters into tiny pieces. But what causes the cracks? Taylor. At first they appear as she's walking, followed by stomping on purpose and then jumping on the stage to shatter it completely. It's worth considering that the snake patterns on her outfit could also symbolise the lines of the cracked glass. This performance is the reason why I became so interested in learning more about the song.

The story Taylor's been telling us goes much deeper than just the easter eggs if you're willing to look deep enough. To understand why Taylor has referenced the Truman show in such detail with the delicate music video, we also need to consider that she relates to his character on a personal level too. I'm sure by now you've picked up on the similarities between Taylor's life in the spotlight and Truman's role as the star of a show. I'm not the first to pick up on many of the Easter eggs she has left along the way, and there are so many who have put in a lot of hard work to understand Taylor's history that have made my journey here a little easier.

It's long been known that the eras tour poster is a nod to the Truman show. We've known for a while that the stage is a key to the vault. If the era's tour is a part of the story Taylor is telling us, then the Truman show is the script she is reading from. And the actors? She showed us that in the anti-hero music video.

We have the Taylor that's trapped inside the house, the pop star Taylor that knocks at the door, the giant Taylor as well as the dead version of Taylor. If you haven't heard of this concept before you might believe that there's only one version of Taylor, the pop star version. But just like Truman's story, if you look a little deeper you start to see that there's more to the story. The Taylor inside the house and the one knocking on the door represent the private and public versions of Taylor. The dead version is the side of herself she left behind when pop star Taylor took over. And the giant Taylor? Perhaps she's represents the version of who Taylor wanted to be before she became the most famous person of our generation.

In the funeral scene we meet her two sons and daughter in law. Chad, Preston and Kimber might represent the Gaylors, Swifties, and the critics, but they could also represent the best friend, wife and mother. in Truman's story.

We could guess that the director could represent her past and present management, but it’s more likely that Taylor is the director too. After all, who wrote the soundtrack for the story being told?

Before we continue

To see the story being told by Taylor, we need to do so through the lens of queer flagging. If this isn't something you've considered before, I invite you to do so with an open mind. The giant Taylor on the tour visuals is providing us with a glimpse into the consequences of us not seeing the private version of Taylor underneath the pop star persona she's been presenting to the public. There's been a long history of famous couples having a public relationship to protect a private relationship, also known as bearding (similar to a lavender marriage). Looking into the history of queer people such as Chely Wright will give you an insight into why many stay closeted to protect their career. I won't be going into more detail on the PR side of things, so feel free to explore that side of things on your own.

Chapter 7

The Easter eggs

"Every bait and switch was a work of art."

If we know that there's a deeper meaning Taylor is hinting at, what are the clues we need to look for? When Truman told the director that you can't see inside my head, we can assume Taylor is trying to say that you can't see inside her heart. If we compare the lover house to Truman's story, we begin to recognise the facade of the pop star persona.

In the lover music video, we first see the lover house is within a snow globe and our first shot of Taylor is through the peephole. The couple dancing throughout the house seem to be sharing a romantic moment, but the entire experience feels voyeuristic. No rooms off limits as we see them in the bathroom swimming inside of a fish bowl. "Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close, forever and ever?" plays at the same time. It feels like we're asking that of her. It becomes uncomfortable to realise how much we want to have access to every detail of her life. We could also counter that by asking why are we being given so much access to a space that's meant to be private?

Their moments together feel so intimate that it's easy to lose sight of their performance being acted out on a set. The only room that seems to be personal to Taylor is the attic, and it’s just like Truman's basement. If you look closely you can see a similar trunk to the side as she's reminiscing over old pictures on a projector. This song hints at the performance she's been putting on for us and the lover house reveals that it's a facade.

All the little Easter eggs throughout the music video seem like advertisements now that we’ve seen that they advertise memorabilia on the Truman show in a similar way. Other Easter eggs include Taylor’s bauble earrings, her lover has a seahorse patch on his jacket and the board games are Taylor Swift themed.

One of the reasons the house is a facade relates to what we know of her queer identity. Taylor was rumoured to come out as bisexual at the beginning of the lover album release, with the Me! music video. The lover era was full of queer themed easter eggs like rainbows, unicorns and the entirety of the ‘you need to calm down’ music video. This was enough proof for those who were ready and willing to see the queer flagging. But many others don't look into these alternative meanings, and in doing so miss out on seeing any further than the pop star facade. Just before the new album was released Taylor learnt that her masters had been sold and the plan to come out was put on hold. This drastic change in aesthetic and the queer flagging wasn't well received by many fans.

Lets consider for a moment that both the reputation and lover eras had been planned to unfold in the way they did all along. Truman saw the people preventing him from leaving were predictable enough to blindside them when they least expected it. Logically if Taylor knew what the roadblocks were before she left her old record label, she would have known how they would retaliate after she left. So it seems like she started to leave clues that were just subtle enough that most people wouldn't pick up on straight away, but with more context would show that there was a deeper story being told the entire time. Everyone assumed reputation was directed at the critics from her past, but looking back this bait and switch was more of a message about the future and the beginnings of her escape plan.

The contrast between reputation and lover was done on purpose, luring the sale of her masters to happen at what they thought was the peak of her career, leaving her free to move forward with a bigger plan. We could also consider that the contrast between the themes and style of each album was done on purpose to blur the lines between the two.

Midnights and TTPD were supposed to follow lover, but were set back to a later date because of the lockdowns. The benefit of this delay meant we got folklore and evermore as well. The ‘I can see you’ music video shows us that the plan was about getting the masters back all along. We see more references to the Truman show in this music video too. The vault is reminiscent of the moon shaped structure the director worked out of and the getaway van escaped over a bridge, just like Truman did.

The teenage love triangle we hear about on the eras tour is now more meaningful than just a high school crush after seeing Truman’s experience. Taylor originally claimed this was a fictional love triangle, but as she only mentions Betty now it seems like there is more significance to the characters in the story than we first thought. And recently she's started calling herself the narrator of the story too. This feels like a clue that we should consider that she has been showing us her version of events from different perspectives all along.

Chapter 8

The one worth fighting for

"I'm the problem, it's me"

Now that we've explored how Truman's and Taylor's story ended, we can start to unravel the clues of what they were really fighting for all along.

There are many similarities to their story, but a key piece of the puzzle lies within the reflection. Truman's story starts with talking to himself in the mirror. The way he heaves out a long sigh before he turns around and walks away in the first scene begins to tell the story of a layer of frustration under the surface of the person he sees reflected back at him in the mirror. Further into his story after his failed attempt to escape, we see Truman in the bathroom again but this time he isn't talking to himself at first, just staring at the mirror. His demeanour soon changes as he starts drawing the caricature of an alien in a moment of apparent silliness. Yet, if we consider what Truman is thinking and feeling this time, we start to see the loneliness he was feeling the entire time and that the happy facade is just a mask he puts on for the audience.

During the delicate music video, the first time we see Taylor's reflection is in the mirror of her dressing room when she's reading with the shimmering golden note. The way her reflection vanishes is a similar concept to Peter's shadow, with Peter Pan being a frequent reference in Taylor's work. The battle between feeling invisible and enjoying the freedom that comes with Taylor wearing her facade as a mask is shown throughout the music video. The loneliness becomes more apparent during the scene with the older lady in the mirror. We watch on as Taylor's demeanour becomes harder to maintain, a sign that she always felt more isolated than anything else. As Taylor gets onto the train we hear her singing "sometimes when I look into your eyes I pretend you're mine all the damn time." And at the same time she's in in front of the character from the man music video who represents the public persona of Taylor. Her demeanour changes to a look of determination for the first time, and this is when we see that reuniting the public and private versions of themselves is what they're fighting for. And if they're fighting for themselves, the lover we see them longing for then becomes a diversion.

Before we move on, we need to acknowledge that the mask or facade they are wearing acts as a mirror reflecting what the viewer wants to see back at them. Just like Taylor showed us with the visuals of the delicate eras performance, the mask is breakable. Now we know that Taylor's the one breaking down the facade herself, it becomes harmful to refuse to see Taylor for who she really is underneath the pop star persona. And just like with Truman leaving in the end, Taylor has shown us that she's choosing herself now, regardless of the consequences. So we can choose to join her, or sit back in defiance until she walks away.

"It's me, hi

I'm the problem, it's me

At teatime everybody agrees

I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror

It must be exhausting

Always rooting for the anti-hero."

Chapter 9

The great escape

"What if I told you none of it was accidental?”

We've spent all this time weaving Taylor and Truman's story together, and now it's time to pull them apart again so that we can see the version of Taylor's story she’s been telling us.

You might have been wondering what Taylor was alluding to when she was on the Jimmy Fallon show in November 2021?

"And so that's when the Easter eggs started, but when it got out of control was when I started to realise that it wasn't just me that had fun with this, that they had fun with it too. And I should never have learned that, because then I couldn't stop. And then all I started thinking of was how do I hint at things, like, how far is too far in advance? Can I hint at something three years in advance? Can I even plan things out that far? I think I'm gonna try to do it!"

I could spend all day going through the Easter eggs, but there’s one Easter egg in particular I’d like to focus on next.

All of the connections to the Truman show have been leading us to this final clue of the story...

Are you ready for it?

...The man wall.

It's the most talked about Easter egg across all parts of the Swiftie fandom. It's full of potential clues for future vault releases, with many theories on how to decode it. But what if the biggest easter egg of all is actually being used as a bait and switch tactic? A trap set to draw our attention in, that we don't notice the bigger picture?

"When everyone believes ya,

What's that like?

I'm so sick of running as fast as I can"

If you look close enough, you can see a polaroid shaped outline underneath the black karma letters, as if something that was once there has been taken away. Just like the collage picture from the Truman show, this missing piece represents the secret note from the delicate music video. The one piece of evidence that meant something to them, when so much of their lives were full of half truths and lies.

Taylor's song Florida! reflects Truman's dreams of moving to Fiji. Talking about going to Fiji encouraged the director to reveal ways to keep him in town, and we can see that Taylor used her attempts to come out in the same way.

So if Truman's map of Fiji was a disguise for his master plan, is the man wall a disguise for Taylor's master plan too? The wall is made up of tiles and the rerecords are laid out in a shape similar to an infinity symbol or a butterfly. But if you look even closer still, you will see the crack down the middle of the man wall map. It's not just a map forward with the rerecords, but is it concealing the escape route too?

If Taylor's been referencing Truman's story over the years, how do we know that it's because she relates to his character? We won't know for sure if the map is concealing a hidden tunnel.

Unless...

Chapter 10

How did it end?

"I gave so many signs"

...she's showed us her plan over and over and over again!

"You put me on and said I was your favourite."

By hiding the truth in plain sight for all to see, we see yet again that Taylor inner world has been invisible to us since the beginning of her career. She has been telling us a fictional story about a teenage love triangle, meanwhile the music videos have contained one of the biggest Easter eggs of all time.

The story could end here with Taylor living happily ever after, or once again we could dive a little further to see the deeper meaning of the story being told. Here is where I will invite you to consider that the timeline starts with cardigan, delicate and then with willow. This then reveals how the story began, the ways she felt trapped in the lie she was forced to live, how everything changed and then her determination to escape.

The cardigan music video is set in an old cabin, but instead of a whimsical vibe Taylor is dressed more like the Cinderella version of herself in the bejewelled music video. The attic is also a part of the set during the folkmore era of the eras tour. This is the only real piece of the lover house, the rest was burnt away on screen. And just like Truman's story, Taylor is showing us the deeper truth to her story if we're willing to see it. We hear her singing about the cardigan that holds memories of a lost lover. Taylor opens up the lid of the piano and shows us that her music is her secret escape from reality. "I hate it here so I will go to secret gardens in my mind." As the adventure through the woods continues we see her almost drowning in the ocean. "Tried to change the ending, Peter losing Wendy" plays as she's swimming to the piano. Just when all hope is almost lost, she steps through the lid of the piano again and returns back to the cabin. We see her sitting at the piano once more, this time drenched and cold. Taylor wraps herself up in the old cardigan and we're left with one last shot of the silver stars that are embroidered on the sleeve as she composes herself.

The willow music video picks up at the same point that the cardigan music video ended. The only difference is that there's a strand of golden light leading into the lid of the piano. If we compare this to the end of Truman's flashback, we can see that after almost drowning, Taylor has been reminded of something worth fighting for, the moment where everything had changed. Now as she follows the golden thread into the piano lid and through the woods, it's with determination. We're introduced to her lover as she looks at their refections in the river. This is the one worth fighting for. "That's my man." Taylor seems to sign her name in the glow of the tread before diving into the river. A flashback to a younger version of the couple playing in a fort begins, but just as the boy disappears and leaves the younger Taylor alone, we see that he left her hands tied up in the golden tread.

As we return to the present day we start to see reflections of the delicate music video. She steps out from a curtain and into a glass display box with her banjo and begins performing for the crowd, just like Truman did after his failed escape. As the camera zooms out we recognise the location is similar to an old fashioned circus with posters, lights and circus tents set up around her. Just as she's singing "that's my man", the lover from earlier steps forward from the shadows. They reunite through the glass pane, but it feels like the glass case was intentional to keep them apart.

Just as Taylor tries looking for a way to escape, she pulls back the curtain she came through only to find that it's boarded up. She pretends to find a way to get through the glass, only to reveal that she knew there was a trap door underneath her the entire time.

Taylor escapes through the tunnel and enters the scene with the golden orbs. She performs the dance with the group as we hear her singing "every bait and switch was a work of art" before following the golden thread once more. Her lover removes a mask he was wearing to blend in to the crowd. Just like Truman's best friend was secretly in on the escape plan, so too is Taylor's lover. The golden tread leads her through the night, through the piano lid and once more Taylor returns home. Just as she's reached the end of the golden thread she looks up to find her lover waiting there for her. They are reunited once more as he takes her hand. "Every bait and switch was a work of art" repeats once more as they turn and step through the cabin door together, and into the woods.

Chapter 11

Oh we're invisible

"picture of your face in an invisible locket"

The more we revisit Taylor's story, the more we see the deeper layers hidden within. "And so I changed your name and any real defining clues" leads us to consider that Taylor has changed the details surrounding her story and its up to us to decode it.

As we've seen in the delicate music video, Taylor's reflection represents the private version of herself. This alters the meaning behind the willow music video. As we go back again, Taylor is peering into the reflection of the river once more. She's singing "Lost in your current like a priceless wine. The more I say, the less you know. Wherever you stray, I follow. I'm begging for you to take my hand. Wreck my plans, that's my man." When we see him again through the glass in the box, we start to realise that his return is the catalyst for Taylor's escape. Just like Truman's dad's return was the catalyst for his story.

So if the man represents another side of Taylor, the man music video is more than just a commentary on the patriarchy. The man music video is the first song on the eras tour that's available as a music video. The male character is this outgoing person wanting the most out of life, yet we see that he's lost sight of everyone around him. At the end of the video we see another version of Taylor is sitting in the directors chair and realise that Taylor had been the man and the director all along. Taylor's pop star persona is no different to Truman's performance facade. So If all of the moon and black hole references are a codeword for cameras, we can deduce that the man is also putting on a performance. There's even a glimpse of the ma checking himself out in the mirror before he leaves for work with a black hole visible in the reflection.

There's another big connection we still need to make. Why does the man pee on the man wall? Is it a sign of disrespect and refusing to see the private side of Taylor and the history within the rerecords? Is he so caught up in the fame and doesn't want to stop? Our understanding of this scene requires Truman's story to help decipher the meaning behind it. His performance was a bait and switch. The facade he presented after his plan had failed had been on purpose. If everyone thought he was resigned to staying after all, nobody would see his master plan to escape coming.

So the answer to the man wall is that the first bait and switch was also a bait and switch. (Like a double bluff.)

The first bait was the coming out during the lover era and the switch was knowing the enemy would reveal their hand. And the second bait was the rerecords on the lover wall and the masters heist, with the switch being the missing polaroid picture and the hidden version of Taylor. And what's on the polaroid picture? Proof that Taylor is queer. And how do we know that? She's been telling us since the very beginning. "I'm just sitting here planning my revenge", she sings in picture to burn.

The writing on the wall implies that the old Taylor was left behind during the fearless era because it's written in red. Does that mean the old Taylor being dead during reputation was yet another bait and switch? The fearless Taylor was in the vault with the picture of speak now. The 'I can see you' music video reflects the story told in the delicate music video too. "Pass me a note saying "Meet me tonight." Then we can kiss, and you know I won't ever tell"'. Truman's story shows evidence of having help from his best friend to escape, and here we can assume that Taylor played a large role in rescuing herself. We then have to wonder if the picture was actually her reflection in the mirror all along, or metaphotically at least.

Before the story can end, we need to acknowledge that our consumption of Taylor's life has played a part in her private persona feeling trapped. In 'Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus' Taylor talks about about how she "changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules, all to outrun my desertion of you." She killed off the old Taylor, just so that we would stay. "If you want to break my cold, cold heart, just say I loved you the way that you were."

Taylor's uses codewords (ghosts, stars, maroon etc) throughout her discography to conceal her truth in plain sight. Wine is used to show us how her truth has become so watered down that she's lost sight of who she was before.

Chapter 12

The bridge

"I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale"

Not only did Taylor hint at the tunnel being an Easter egg, we hear the lyrics "I come back stronger than a 90's trend" at the exact same time she goes down the tunnel. And which trend is she referencing? the Truman show. Just when you think there's nothing left to solve, the clues just keep coming.

The lockdowns postponed Taylor's plans of coming out, so she had to find a backup plan. That's when we got folklore and evermore. They were both released in 2020 and she just recently combined them as sisters. Taylor's apparent disdain for evermore makes more sense if we consider cardigan represents the folklore album and that willow represents the evermore album. When you join the two halves, they become sisters. How could she love them separately when they were destined to be together?

So if we know that cardigan and willow are inextricably linked, then the golden thread we see her following in both music videos is the thread joining them together. And if it's leading the way to evermore, then the thread creates a bridge. But it's not just any bridge, but it's London bridge. And the concept is all inspired by the Tinkerbell movies.

The series was released in the early 2010's and is based on the character from Peter Pan. Tinkerbell's story is centred around feeling like she doesn't fit in at Pixie Hollow. We can see so many references to Tinkerbell's story in Taylor's work. The themes she touches on, the Easter eggs, even her philosophy and determination. If you look close enough, I think we might find that the clocks, stars, bird cages, tea cups, rainbows, car and doll house can all be references to the series. And lets not forget the karma coffee cup and clock too. Both the golden thread and the orbs are created with pixie dust in Pixie Hollow, but the key for it to work is that you have to believe.

And here is where we discover that "every bait and switch was a work of art." The ending of the Truman show was really a trap all along, with the door coming down during the karma performance used as a distraction. The real ending was about rescuing and then reuniting the sisters, the private and public versions of Taylor. The secret to this was in the seasons. Tinkerbell and the great fairy rescue is all about spring and summer, just like folklore. And then Tinkerbell the secret of the wings is all about fall and winter, just like evermore. The shift that occurs between these two movies is the first one is about wanting others to believe in you, and the second is about learning to believe in yourself. We can't forget the third part of the love triangle though, Tinkerbell and the lost treasure. And then Tinkerbell and the secret of the wings might just be the epilogue to the story.

"Just because you've never seen a fairy, doesn't mean they're not real!"

"Now, Lizzy, seeing is believing, and without proof, it's just a fairytale."

"You don't have to understand,

you just have to believe."

A big theme in Tinkerbell and the great fairy rescue is a difficulty communicating. As she befriends a girl who loves fairies, they use clues and symbols to communicate. Something both queer and neurodivergent are familiar with, communicating differently to the majority. I believe that's a big reason why the majority of Taylor's identify with either or both of those, and why a lot of us see the same traits in Taylor.

All of the connections we made to Truman's story are still important now, but there's one correction I'd like to make in light of the Tinkerbell references. The lover house. "Dear reader, burn all the files, desert all your past lives." I believe Taylor burnt down the lover house from the lover era, but the house we've had since folklore reunited is now the fairy house. What once was a facade is now a safe haven.

Chapter 13

The tortured poet

"The professor said to write what you know, looking backwards might be the only way to move forward."

There has been many connections made so far that link songs from the tortured poets department to previous eras, and I believe this is intentional. If we examine Taylor’s work from a muse-less perspective we can see more connections to the story. If we take a look at the tortured poets department summation you will see it's inviting us to look back to find the answers. Tinkerbell helped create a book in the third movie as a way to communicate the truth of the fairies. So if midnights and TTPD had been the plan all along, then dear reader and the manuscript become bookends for Taylor's story.

We're now left with only one question left unanswered.

What was the conversation that lead Taylor to change everything?

"People often greatly underestimate me on how much I'll inconvenience myself to prove a point…"

I never expected to be answering this question, but what's one more revelation when we've already discovered so much? I won't go into detail on this, but if we know that Taylor changes the pronouns and the details to hide her truth in plain sight, then you can begin to uncover the deeper layers to see the story she's been telling us over and over again.

This is Taylor's version of a book she has hidden inside her work...

"All too well"

Dear reader

An upstate escape

The first crack in the glass

Are you real?

The breaking point

(Champagne problems)

The reeling

The remembering

Thirteen years gone

The manuscript

The epilogue

If we look back at the aesthetic of the lover era, it reveals the plan was laid out from the beginning. The false coming out was intentional so the master sale wouldn't disrupt the grand plan. But it was also an opportunity for Taylor to leave the clues for those who could hear her truth. The me rainbow shows us the bridge between the two sisters, and the butterfly is how they will reunite. We've all been waiting with bated breath to see what comes next. But then again, we saw it all play out in the fortnight music video.

Taylor has hinted at bridges during the eras tour, but the once place we haven't looked for one is on the man wall. Looking back we can see there's a teal blue and green bridge across the top of the wall. Debutation perhaps? Have we been so focused on the the map that we haven't seen that the bridge/tunnel was hiding in plain sight ? It's always looked like it was just another part of the wall. The man gets married 58 years later. There's also the train station connection to the man and Taylor from the delicate music video. Did he take the missing polaroid picture at some point and we're going back to see how he did it? Just like we figured out that Truman had planned his escape all along, Taylor is showing us that she's breaking the glass on purpose and these music videos are outlining her plan to do it.

And the eras tour is still the key. If the lost treasure is the masters heist of the rerecords, it's happening each night with the surprise songs. Adding TTPD to the setlist was an intentional distraction from the reunion that occurred when the folkmore sisters merged on the setlist for the first time in Paris. All that's left is to cross the final bridge when the tour returns to London and I think Travis has an integral part to play in that during the folkmore set. And when the two sides of Taylor reunite?

Her version of the collage picture.

"Like a rainbow with all of the colours."

🌈

Conclusion

Every bait and switch truly was a work of art.

To finish off with a fairytale reference, Taylor's ability to be leave a Hansel and Gretel style trail of breadcrumbs through the forest has led us to gingerbread house full of Easter eggs. Her ability to weave together such complex layers of connections over many years without being detected is going to be a legacy to rival the success we've seen within her music career. The way she has weaved both the stories of Truman and Tinkerbell throughout her career is truly worthy of the mastermind title.

The stylistic connections to the Truman show felt like a significant piece of the puzzle. Throughout this process I never expected to stumble so far down the rabbit hole that I feel like I'm left holding the golden ticket in Charlie and the chocolate factory, when I relate more to his grandparents in real life. Taylor's work has provided a deep sense of comfort and reassurance in the midst of a chronic illness relapse that left me bed bound. I've been a huge fan since the begging, but have also stayed because of the community I've found within both the swiftie and gaylor side of the fandom. I never would have come to find all of these connections if it wasn't for the hard work everyone else has put in before I came along.

I recommend going back and watching Taylor's interview with Jimmy Fallon during the release of Red TV. The box of lies skit is worth a watch too, Jimmy Fallon's reaction is exactly how I felt seeing all of these connections come together.

The story Taylor has been showing us was never a revelation of her muses, but a slow unravelling of her experience as a famous person who has had very little privacy throughout her life. She's giving us a peak behind the curtain and allowing us to see who she really is beyond the larger than life character we've all built her up to be.

All I hope for is that Taylor chooses herself in the end.

"All's fair in love and poetry"

Sincerely, a now very tortured poet,

Kylie x

🧡

Tortured poet credentials: I've been a huge fan of Taylor Swift since 'love story' was released in Australia and became a Swiftie following the release of Midnights. I began catching up on the parts of her discography I was less familiar with earlier this year, and then in the midst of a severe M.E. relapse I began to dive deeper into her work. 'Soon you'll get better' has been a comfort and lifeline along the way. I became a Gaylor not long after TTPD was released, as certain songs such as 'but Daddy I love him' didn't make sense to me at the time for someone my age to be singing about. Listening to TTPD with the context of a female muse, as well as the new visuals on the eras tour, added some much needed context to the story being told. I came for the music, but stayed for the community during a time in my life where I felt more 'invisible' than ever.

If you've made it this far, thank you for reading x

[anthonyzoxide]

Rating and Reviewing the Mean Gills team name options

(This is unfinished but it’s been in my drafts for 3 months so I’m just going to impulse-post it now)

-Mean Gills: The best name, naturally, being the one that they went with and all. So much potential for reference humour, rolls off the tongue... If you wanted to analyze it story-wise 'gills' could foreshadow the ocean mutations that both of the gills (Another plus: 'Mean Gills' allowing me to use 'gills' as a replacement for 'girls') start to get throughout the series. And the 'Mean' part could foreshadow all those times they murder people in cold blood on purpose? It does bother me how little they actually reference Mean Girls across Limited Life, if at all, with how much potential there was- But that's a complaint unrelated from the name itself, so I won't count it as effecting the rating. 10/10

-Coral Kids: Sounds cute, and I like (or rather prefer) how it was worked into their area being called the Coral Isles. Though in the lore monologues, this would probably be even harder to take seriously when referenced than 'Mean Gills'. 7/10

-H2-Bros: When pronouncing this name out loud, it either has an awkward pause or is automatically said too quickly to process the joke- And, additionally, in retrospect I quite understand how one of the deciding factors between this and Mean Gills was not perpetuating the same masculine energy of the Bad Boys. Not a fan, but wouldn't have been particularly upset if they went with this. 4/10

-Santa's Little Kelpers: For how summer-coded Limited Life comes across as, this totally feels like the wrong kind of seasonal. In particular, the Mean Gills always felt tropical to me- Would've been a ton of tonal whiplash if they were named this. Also brings to mind a certain song, which I'm not convinced is a positive. Also, introducing Santa's Little Kelpers to the Life Series means adding Santa to the Life Series, and I don't want to know where the pipeline of lore additions would go from there. 2/10

-Sons of Beaches: I feel as though this is either a reference to a band that I haven't heard of, or there for the soundalike to a certain curse word. Assuming that it's the latter, I don't believe that joke would've had much staying power- It's catchy, however. 3/10

-Big Buoys: Had to look up what a buoy was after mispelling it in 3 different ways when making the list of Mean Gills names. I now hold a vendetta against this name. Also sounds quite a lot like the Bad Boys, and I'm not sure I could've taken whatever kind of feud would arise there if the two groups were name-destined rivals. 1/10

-LGB-sea: Not a bad name, but I've got quite extensive nitpicks. The use of an acronym makes you think of BEST and TIES, but neither gill has a name that starts with L, G, or B, so it feels peculiar if you don't recognize the pun at first (Which I did not). Even if you dissasociate it from the prior context of those other acronym team names, it feels as though it would be a trio name so that there can be a person for each letter (and then tying them all together with the shared theme of 'sea'), and out of the Life Series players there aren't any lesbians to be the L, so that'd be tricky to work around. Also, I feel like it should be 'LGB-sea Community' instead of just LGB-sea, but I'm assuming this would be thought of quickly if it was what they went with, so I won't count it as a complaint. With all of that nitpicking out of the way, I do think the pun is quite funny. I dunno. A rather mixed 5/10

-The Shell-dons(?): I'm not even sure I heard this one right despite rewinding it many times. 1/10

-Beauty and the Beach: This name implies that only one of the Mean Gills is 'the beauty', and I do not believe in pitting two beautiful gills against each other in such a manner. I am also definitely not the target audience for Disney references- Though this would have potential as the name of someone's royal AU Mean Gills fanfiction. That'd be pretty cool. Though the writer must specify which one of them is the beauty, to the other's dismay. And where the beach is in relations to their castle or whatever. 2/10

-Damp Dudes: No. No. This is very unpleasant. Reading it feels like stepping in a large puddle and getting water into your sock. I don't wish to dwell on this one. 0/10. Maybe even -1/10 on a bad day.

-Puddle Pals: This, however, is quite cute! The Puddle Pals sound like a group of silly whimsical fellas from a cartoon, and the Mean Gills would work quite well as that kind of dynamic if they were in a series where they did not have to withstand The Horrors (as is the way of the Life Series). While the 'D' illiteration in Damp Dudes made it sound more uncomfortable, the 'P' illiteration makes Puddle Pals sound catchy and rhythmic. I approve. 7/10

-Mean Shells: ...I'm glad, at least, that this got reworked into the final name of Mean Gills. It sounds awkward, and the reference isn't apparent upon reading it.

-Sal-men: I forgot to review the Sal men🙁 Post over. Go home

[pienhime]

10 female vtubers who are popular with ryousangata and jirai girls!

Two important things to know before you read any further: I am NOT alleging any of these vtubers to be jirai kei. That'd be incredibly inappropriate for me to do, as I don't know any of them well enough to know if they are a part of the jirai kei subculture. I am simply listing vtubers who seem to be the most popular within the ryousanjirai crowd, that is those whose female fanbase seems to have a higher proportion of ryousanjirai girls than most.

The other thing I'd like to get out of the way is that some vtubers on this list are known for using "menhera" as an insult. Sadly, thats grown popular in the vtuber scene and online spaces in japan. For vtuber fans reading this who think that's a weird thing to say, the word "menhera" has been around since 2001 and was the name given to an internet subculture revolving around mental health safe spaces, awareness, and vent art. Even tho it was literally created to help erase the "mental illness makes you dangerous" thing, the stigma took over once the term went mainstream, so its often used to mean "yandere psycho". The subculture still exists if you know where to look, but barely ever uses the name it gave itself anymore because it attracts trolls, edgelords, and fetishists.

One last thing- a few of these girls fit the "loli" archetype, and consider it a part of their appeal, but no minors will be featured on this list.

absolutely zero past-life discussion

I'll do my best to summarize what the vtuber is known for and the reasons i think are likely why their female fanbase has a larger proportion of ryousanjirai girls.

1. Sakamata Chloe (Hololive HoloX)

Given that she recently got a new outfit that looks a lot like a dark girly kei coord, you've probably seen Chloe on your feed recently. Despite her yamikawaii punk-ish look, she's so cute and probably couldn't survive in the wild if she were a real orca. The "pon" is unreal. Her original songs talk about her own inner pain in a way that may be relatable to jirai girls, and she's covered a lot of songs popular with us too (such as Cute Loving and Devil Janai Mon). Between her cutesiness, choice in fashion, and her songs, it's easy to see why she's loved by jirai kei girls.

2. Minato Aqua (Hololive Gen. 2)

You probably know about Aqua if you follow me, since I just posted a link to one of her more recent song covers. It's one about a ryousangata girl falling in love with a host, and knowing his affection is fake but wanting it anyway. She covers a lot of songs about topics that are familiar to ryousan and jirai girls, like kyuukurarin, darling dance, goodbye declaration, and internet overdose to name a few. Her original songs are also hits with the ryousangata crowd, with "aqua iro palette" being the choice of song in so many tiktoks and reels of ryousan wotas showing off their lavish birthday celebrations for their oshis. She's also a cosplayer, frequently wearing maid outfits, making her relatable to a lot of girls who work at concept cafes. She also did a duet with Shion, a cover of "menhera janai mon", which is a song i often see misinterpreted outside of japan because of the need for cultural context on jirai kei, ryousangata, and menhera both as a subculture and insult. Should I do a post explaining the lyrics and overall themes?

3. Makaino Ririmu (Nijisanji Gamers Generation 3)

Listen. If you're in the jirai kei subculture, I guarantee you've seen Ririmu. This girl's fanart is probably on every jirai kei blog known to man. If you don't recognize this model, you'd recognize the maid outfit with bondage elements thats paired with a coat that looks suspiciously like REFLEM's bunny ears coat (the one that took yamikawa lovers by storm a while back). Ririmu's popularity with jirai kei girls isn't just because she likes similar fashions to most of us. Ririmu has been open about her past suffering with agorophobia, suicidal ideation, and being a NEET. She's shared bits and pieces of her recovery with her fans! Of course, she also does yandere bit that might be more than a bit, and covers a lot of songs popular with ryousan and jirai girls, like more kyun, chuupuri, and vampire.

4. Mikeneko (Indie)

Mikeneko isn't new to the scene at all, but has recently come out of a partly mental health related hiatus to a much larger following than before. Mikeneko collects models like they're pokemon cards, going thru four in total now, two of which have been in one year. She wears tons of yamikawa fashions, and plays up her chuunibyou for streams. Aside from her on-and-off NEETdom, Mikeneko is open about a lot of her health issues, including bipolar, and about her medication and trips to the psychiatric hospital. She calls herself menhera, often in the secondary meaning, but she's also rumored to have been a part of the actual subculture for a long time. Her original songs, drop and you&me ring really true for a lot of jirai and menhera girls such as myself.

5. Meloco Kyoran (Nijisanji EN Generation 7)

Meloco is the only vtuber on this list to be a part of an company's EN (english-speaking) branch. She's included on the list because she's also big in japan- because she's japanese. She's almost fluent in english and was accepted for the english branch, but frequently slips into japanese and appeals to her japanese fans. Her outfit is gothic lolita inspired with bondage elements and plenty of edge, to fit her overall spooky exorcist theming. Her creepy-cute nature and cool alternative onee-san demeanor have attracted her many jirai kei fans, and inspired a lot of ryousan girls' oshi nails.

6. Sukoya Kana (Nijisanji Tulip-gumi Unit)

Admittedly, Kana's probably got more menhera (as in the subculture) fans than jirai or ryousan, but she still has enough that I wanted to include her. Her nurse theming isn't just a gimmick, her actual "day job" is as a nurse. As in, when she's not streaming, she works in a hospital as staff after passing her qualifying exams in 2022! She must be super busy! Her morbid interests and fetishes, as well as her medical themed design, have no doubt appealed to many jirai girls too. Besides that, she's covered a lot of songs, including quite a few beloved by landmines such as lavie, nainai girls pride, and godish.

7. Natori Sana (Indie)

Listen, I just know you've seen her figures by now. Every menhera, yamikawaii, and "cutecore" account in the west has at least one of this nurse girl's figures. She's ultra cute, with a sickeningly sweet smile and design. Her lore is interesting- she claims to work at a sanitarium, but has hinted very heavily many times that she is in fact not a nurse, but a patient in denial. Whether this is just lore for fun and appeal or is a dramatized reflection of Sana's own feelings and mental health is up for speculation.

8. La+ (Laplus) Darkness (HoloX)

Remember that disclaimer regarding using menhera derogatorily earlier? Yeah that's 90% because of Laplus's inclusion on the list. It feels like she accuses someone of being menhera (derogatory) like every other VOD. Apart from that, Laplus is a grade A kusogaki, complete with constant angry outburst when things don't go her way. She's a demon whos intelligence was... "sealed away"... sure. Her gothic appearance and explosive personality seem to be what's gained her such a large jirai kei following.

9. Houshou Marine (Hololive Gen. 3)

Dear god. Alright, so you've definitely heard at least two of her songs if you're on japanese jirai kei SNS at all. This cosplaying pirate is so horny that it's literally considered her catchphrase. Her original songs about wanting to be seen as desirable and be... pleasured seem to be especially popular with landmine girls (which is maybe related to how many jirai girls are in a certain profession). She enjoys gothic lolita fashion, girls love/yuri, and enough fetishes to lose track of if you're counting.

10. Shigure Ui (Indie)

Did you really think I could make this list without including hololive star Oozora Subaru's mom and voice of the song that's plaguing japanese social media, ESPECIALLY landmine social media rn? Sure, it's everywhere, but go check every insta kaiwai dedicated to jirai subculture and see how many of their reels have this song. Even though she's just now broken out to this degree of fame, she's been around a while, and is the "mama" (artist) to several other vtubers. She often collabs with hololive members! She loves taboo fiction, which is also especially popular amongst jirai girls.

Last but not least, I want to add three honorable mentions from Hololive that are also popular with ryousanjirai girls. Tokoyami Towa is a super popular choice of cosplay amongst jirai girls specifically. She has a cute-but-cool look, and lots of her outfits definitely have subcultural influences from japanese ゴスパンク (gothic x punk) and general "egirl"-type styles. Murasaki Shion is a very popular choice of profile pic for ryousanjirai girls, and it's easy to see why. Her "kusogaki" appeal and lolita outfits, as well as her "Menhera Janai Mon" duet with Aqua all appeal to that demographic. Finally, last honorable mention is Amane Kanata, purely because of how popular she is with lovers of Tenshi Kaiwai, which has a lot of overlap with the jirai subculture. She basically predicted the trend before the magazine that popularized it even existed. Mizuiro x white cybercore outfits, a nurse cosplay, and angel theming make her a spot-on icon in that scene.

That's it! Now I have to stop procrastinating on the pien kei characters post...

[athousandbyeol]

discussion #10 (only friends): topboston's car scene is proof that mew IS top's ultimate weakness [episode 3 recap]

it was devastating. that car scene. but aside from the hot and steamy exchange topboston shared in the now-broken car, there are a few things i want to point out in episode 3 (in general), and also the important topboston scene that is the start of top and boston's downfall.

this post was written right after i woke up. therefore, i apologise for the incoherence.

as always, please take my discussion posts with a grain of salt.

let's begin.

mew could've saved top from a (destined) rebound of insecurity

i think mew could've prevented the topboston car sex from happening if he let top stay the night, or at least let him in his room for a while. because we know top was willing to go to lengths just to be the best version of himself to mew. he was willing to change and serve mew whenever he could.

i think, at this point, top's feelings for mew have grown into something quite complex and profound, but his approach is somewhat hesitant and a bit forceful (?) as he insists mew is his boyfriend even though they haven't gone official, especially since mew said they 'aren't boyfriends yet.' nonetheless, it's sad to see top's persistence is only valid when he's trying to prove a point to everyone else but mew. he tried showing this 'mew's my boyfriend'' agenda to mainly, ray, his sole opponent, the trigger of top's insecurity and fear.

however, i also believe, along the line, mew has developed trust in top, possibly thinking top might've become a better person and sensed top's behavioural change (mainly sincerity) after they spent more time together. the silent disco scene was very crucial as the lyrics are a foreshadowing to many things: 1) mew isn't the good guy we (the audience and the friend group, top included) perceived him to be (he didn't sing some parts of the song, will be explained after this), and 2) top's death, even though i despise entertaining the idea there will be main character death in p'jojo's works, instead of thinking of this as literal death, i want to believe (for now), it's the 'death' of top's egoistic/confident/brash personality and his previous lifestyle. at the end of the drama, he might no longer be the villain as he finally accepted and embraced the better side that mew helped top discover. 

sidetrack: a foreshadowing of topmew's future dynamic?

top sings this line;

this line;

and this line;

mew sings only this line (sorry because this screenshot isn't doing the scene justice);

and topmew sing this line together;

who's the he in this context? i don't have the slightest idea. it might be the 'new' top, or it's just mew finding/taking comfort in celibacy again (i wrote a prediction post for every pairing's ending here if you're interested to read it).

anyway, this is something we have to keep in mind. the foreshadowing in this scene alone is INSANE. but i regress by saying they're the absolute cutest and fluffiest doofus in this scene. top was having so much fun with mew and vice versa. they're enjoying each other's company. the smile on top's face was so bright, and the glint in his eyes was so vibrant. top looked sincerely happy with mew, and i like that a lot. //yet this scene teared me up when i was retrieving the screenshots. it broke me again. they could've been so happy without anything else coming their way. :( can't my babies be happy for once? goodness.

discomfort and distrust; top lost the battle with himself

in the car, top looked queasy. he was anxious from the small talk he had with boston in the kitchen. and he projected that frustration to ray as he insisted on taking his boyfriend home. in one way or another, top might not want mew to mingle with ray any longer, especially since mew was a bit tipsy and he was afraid that mew and ray would do something more than just acts of friendliness. however, top didn't save himself from the cunningness of boston's trap as he thought he had things under control.

again, as i mentioned in many of my discussion posts, top takes immense pride in himself and he won't let anyone topple that ego of his because he's the fcuking top tanin- everyone bowed down to him and worshipped him because of his impeccable skills in bed.

side note: this truly breaks my heart because it seems everyone only sees top as one thing: a sex God. that stranger (i don't want to address him by his name because i'm just very petty) who walked to top and freaking said all those bullshits in front of mew— in my eyes, top appeared guilty almost, and uncomfortable for letting mew witnessed and listened to 'the real' top from a stranger that once accompanied his sleepless night.

top was fidgety and tried to invert mew's attention elsewhere, not on him—

—which is ironic, considering he always enjoyed the attention/interest people have in him. but with mew, it's always different. 

side note (2): again, why the hell does everyone think they know top better than he knows himself? this somehow shows top's struggle of understanding/determining/differentiating his truest identity as people only perceive him as a pleasure-giver and NOTHING more. what people say tends to get into our heads, and it's not weird if top believes that he's just this and nothing else.

but mew helps him see that he's capable of making mew happy, of taking care of mew and being the best version of himself; this assumption is waiting to be proven when top says, "but with mew, i just want to make you as happy as possible." it looks like top has found a purpose in life— he wants to make mew happy. he wants the person he loves to be happy. //that's so heartbreaking just to think of it...

back to the car scene, i don't know how the hell boston got that video of mewray (possibly) kissing, but that was just a nominal and lowly move from boston.

that was disgusting (insert the lee minho meme), and it showed just how evil boston is. he didn't care if mew and ray were his friends or whoever, as long as he got what he wanted— top's attention/trust/d*ck— he was willing to backstab his so-called-friends. he really used the one thing top was afraid of— the truth behind mewray's closeness— to manipulate top. 

additonally, as mew had this vision of top in mind (confident, self-centred, etc), top also had this image of mew in mind (nice, helpful, etc). i guess he had always seen mew as the kind/naive/innocent type, especially since he wore that white wristband (a potent indication that mew was never really interested in romantic relationships and anything messy)—

—the first time they met. so top was afraid of the allegations coming true— perhaps mew wasn't a virgin, after all. it was all a lie. was mew lying to him all along?

notably, this also didn't come from mew's mouth— his virginity.

it's always the topic that BOSTON and mew's friends (chueam, i love you, but this shouldn't be a concern to you, really) brought up, showing just how insecure he was in that one thing mew STILL possessed, a charm that lured top into wanting to have a romantic/steady relationship with mew and ignored boston's constant cry of convincing top 'they are the same'. and how contradicting? boston said himself— mew is a 'sweet' virgin (retrieved from episode 1 part 1). so the video he showed to top can possibly be edited. //if it's true, fcuk you, boston. fcuk you.

when he saw the clip, top asked when it happened, and boston answered 2 years ago. here, we can already draw a conclusion that (if it was legit), it happened ONLY ONCE, and it wasn't a recurring thing because, a throwback to ep 1, mew clearly said, "i'm not someone like boston."

if mew was boston, it would've been more than just once— whatever mew was proclaimed to do with ray. but we know mew is a man of his own. he has always been so comfortable with celibacy. however, top's judgement was rather clouded and bugged because 1) he didn't trust mew fully (as mew didn't trust him previously), 2) he was insecure because mew might still choose ray over him, and 3) the idea of mew doing it with ray while being in this undefined relationship with top was bruising his ego/pride. so he allowed boston to do his way with top, because top felt he was losing control of himself. and the only thing that could help top regain that power was through boston. 

(he lost the battle with himself. really. it was just top and the demons in his head. the devils won. top gave in. again, fcuk you, boston.)

in this post, i mentioned that boston was always susceptible and open to top. he liked it when top caved into him. but the idea was top has always been using/thinking that boston could help him retrieve composure because boston was so easy to get— boston was always ready to be controlled and handled by top. but, when top met mew, he was interested and determined to win mew over becaue he was tired of 'people who already knew too much in bed.' and always, this was the sole reason of boston's anger and annoyance— mew has something desirable that boston no longer possessed— virginity/decency.

so top resorted to boston because he couldn't take the confirmation that mew— the person he was starting to (genuinely) like— wasn't the person he had in mind. so the car scene is proof that yes, mew is top's ultimate weakness. and in episode 3, it wasn't about mew manipulating top or anything; it's boston using mew as a tool to convince and influence top into believing that mew isn't who top believed he was. boston played with top's only weakness— mew.

however, top could've stayed. he could've put a stronger fight. i think the old top— the confident top— would insist on taking mew home. he wouldn't back away this easily (throwback to ep 1 when mew said he couldn't do this with top, but top said they didn't have to know each other to have sex. after that, he kissed mew again to keep the mood going, but mew pushed him and stopped top from continuing).

side note: i think top really wanted to stay because he knew what would happen if he went to boston. but mew said he was fine and top respected mew. he didn't want to argue or make mew unhappy. mew was his priority, and he abided by the boundaries set in this relationship. this has already opened up a new horizon to us; this is what top could be if he's allowed to have a morsel of true love. he trusted mew (although it had wavered) and went to boston.

top was known to be persistent, but he gave in so quickly when mew said he was fine alone. looking back at this, i believe now that top really likes mew. that's why this killed him— the idea of mew having a secret relationship with ray behind top's back. 

additionally, it breaks my heart after witnessing the hurt in top's eyes once boston leaned closer and kissed his neck. he was on the verge of crying. he seemed a bit lost, helpless and hopeless. i guess at that point, top was trying to think wisely, to make a final judgement/say to the ideas he had in mind and the verdict(s) boston showed him. he was trying to hold onto that thin slither of hope that it wasn't true because mew couldn't have done that, could he? 

but i guess top didn't consider or remember mew saying so blatantly, "i'm not like boston." because it's true— mew is never boston. unlike boston, who's insecure and pretty much volatile and a narcissist, mew is empathetic, understanding, kind and has his own set of flaws, but rather a decent human being. he's so different from boston. sadly, top couldn't differentiate that stark disparity, that one thing top liked about mew when he first saw him— mew's solitude. 

conclusion 

i said in this post that topmew will have their first time in episode 4, and it's happening. it fits the timeline of their budding relationship really well, as they now have reached equilibrium. top will confront mew in episode 4 and ask him about ray. mew will tell the truth because he's never a liar. possibly, that will make top trust mew again.

possibly, next week, we will see top distancing himself from mew at the start of the episode, and mew might feel sad/confused about it, so the first confrontation ensues— topmew sorting out their feelings for each other. mew willingly wants to have sex with top, an indication that mew is ready to fully accept top into his life— to be all over top as he genuinely likes top now (and this can be the start of mew's transformation from good to evil)— to admit he loves top and top is his boyfriend. they're finally on the same page. 

however, things will go down the gutters in episode 6 since forcebook said it's the story's climax. yet, i believe episode 5 will be their 'honeymoon' phase, and i personally want that to happen. it'll make the pain of separation even more delicious as we have happy memories of them in our riverbank of recollections. 

i'm sorry for this incoherent and messy discussion. i still have so many thoughts in mind, but this is the only thing i can pen down as of now. the car scene is still breaking me, and i just don't know. (I wrote this as soon as i woke up. therefore, i'm sorry. again.)

anyway, thanks for reading this post. :) 

//btw, i watched dangerous romance yesterday, and i'm in love. that drama is easily one of the best series of the year for me. it's so good.//

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