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bunnymoonart · 3 years ago

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Hi - I love your Peanuts art!! I'm obsessed with the comics (have been since I was five) and haven't been able to find anyone who interprets them in a similar style as the great Sparky Schulz. Yours do however and I love them!!

The whole Schroeder and Charlie comic was so funny - it made me laugh!

Your art is truly adorable.

I was wondering what your favorite Peanuts ships are

(and also wondering if you'd ever draw a Schroder/Lucy)

You have a new follower <3

Aaa, tysm!!! I really admire Schulz and knowing that my dumb short comics give a vibe of him that makes me happy :') Well, I'm fine with most Peanuts ships, but if you really want to know which ones are my favorites, here's a LONG text about that, I apologize if it's too much, lol(?)

Linus 'n Sally

These two give me a great youthful love vibe, some kids tend to express their affection in unconventional ways and these two are no exception. I don't think Linus hates her or anything like that, Sally is a REALLY intense girl and that's exactly what makes Linus evasive, but we can't blame him, sometimes you just need some space But I feel that they are not like the other Peanuts couples where at some point they have fallen into being cruel or harming each other in some negative way (Like Lucy even throwing Schroeder's piano into the sewer, Peppermint Patty saying unpleasant things about Chuck) . Even if they cross that line, the other tends to defend themselves instead of just "letting it go."

You know? they usually don't insult each other personally (Or at least not on a recurring basis), maybe just Sally fed up with Linus's habit with his blanket or being disappointed with the big pumpkin endless times, even Linus calling Sally "annoying" on occasion because she constantly haunts him or disturbs him in the middle of the class, but nothing beyond that. I feel that it is very different for them to complain about "unpleasant behavior" to directly messing with each other in a personal way, I feel that there is a kind of mutual "respect" between them, going to Sally's side perhaps adding admiration.

Maybe if Sally was a little less intense about it there could be something between these two, it's not like Linus doesn't show interest in her or constantly tries to push her away for simply existing, on several occasions he is seen just hanging out with her or even helping her.

And we can't forget the times he seems to reciprocate or get a little nervous around her ( ` ∇ ´ )ψ (Most T.V specials or adaptations)

In "It's Arbor Day, Charlie Brown", He helps Sally study about Arbor Day, as always, she starts to "flirt" while Linus reads some facts, when she says "Oh Linus you read so poetically", he blushes embarrassed.

In "It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" he blushes when Sally flatters him until Charlie Brown takes Sally away from the scene.

In the Musical "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" (Animated version) in the song "Glee Club Rehearsal", he seems a bit nervous about Lucy telling Sally what he said about her (That she was an "enigma")

In the same Musical, in the song "Happiness" Linus is the one who sings the part "Happiness is walking hand in hand" while holding hands with Sally.

Even in the most recent special "Snoopy Presents: For Auld Lang Syne", at the end song, Sally after spending all night trying to stay awake finally falls asleep, While everyone sings, Linus walks over to her and carefully places a celebration hat on her head and looks sweetly at her, perhaps because she wanted to be awake for the new year and it's a way for her to be in the celebration too. Simply adorable.

Charlie 'n Schroeder, Guilty pleasure but also sorrynotsorry(?)

It started as a joke but now I'm here making drawings 'bout them, I'm the joke now ASKDFJN

Schroeder seems to be one of the few characters who somewhat respect Charles, Charlie introduced him to the piano and to his more characteristic taste, Beethoven!

The ages in Peanuts are a bit of a mess, they just grow from one day to other while other characters keep their age. For example, the first time Sally was introduced it was made clear to us after a joke with Linus that she would be at least 5 years younger than the gang, but later she's just there in the same class as Linus being apparently the same age, and something kinda similar happens with Rerun so?-. With Schroeder it's no different as he first appeared as a baby in the strip but now he's just there being the same age as the main gang. Kinda confusing. But well, yea, It's canon that Charlie gave Schroeder that taste for Beethoven, so perhaps that is why he respects him.

He used to read to him about Beethoven's life, but Charlie is still doing it!

They spend time together and he is one of the few characters that Schroeder lets them rest on his piano without bothering him at all. I could even say that Charlie is a guy with a taste for classical music or knowledge of music (In the early strips it's a bit more noticeable, I mean, what 5 year old recognizes a Tchaikovsky song played on a toy piano?) They share interests even though Charlie doesn't have a sculpture of Beethoven's head, lol¿ But guess what, Charlie was the one who got him the sculpture in the first place! He also tends to congratulate Schroeder on Beethoven's birthday because he knows it's an important date for him, even when Schroeder forgets.

I think Charlie definitely respects Schroeder's love of music and Beethoven.

And we can't forget some of my fave interactions too! ( ` ∇ ´ )ψ

In "Be my Valentine, Charlie Brown" Charlie seeing that he didn't receive anything for Valentine's Day (as usual:( ) blurts out "I hate Valentines" as Schroeder arrives on the scene. The girls enter the scene and try to give Charlie "recycled" Valentine's cards, Schroeder immediately jumps to his defense saying "What do you think you're doing? Who do you think you are?" annoyed at how they try to give him "condolence" gifts so they don't feel bad and not because they really care about Charlie. AGRESSIVE This same scene has another adaptation in the 2014 shorts in the episode: Just for Love. This time it's just Frieda giving him a "consolation gift" and changing the punchline of the joke. I honestly like this version better, I feel it more expressive lol

In the 2014 shorts in the episode: Off Key Schroeder invites Charlie to his house because he wants to test his new idea which is to create a "Musical Portrait" for people (Create a song with the essence of a person). The first person he tries this on is Charlie, Charlie is his muse. I'M LOOKING Unfortunately and being Charlie Brown who we are talking about, this does not go very well haha :')

In the Musical "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" (Animated version) in the intro song "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown", Schroeder is the one who sings "You're kind!" BUT THE WAY HE SAYS IT IS JUST JASDFJNG. You need to see it. Hilarious

In the 2014 shorts in the episode: Trust Me. A lot of dandelions grow on charlie's pitcher's mound, Frieda says that Charlie standing in the middle of all those dandelions makes him look kind of cute, which makes him mad. Soon, Charlie tells Schroeder what Frieda said, and he agrees, standing there making him look kind of cute. No comments. Here below is the strip of this same short

But like I said, I'm really fine with most Peanuts ships! The dynamic "weird love triangle" of Marcie 'n Charles and Peppermint Patty 'n Chuck where Charlie is just totally skeptical of the situation also strikes me as a hilarious concept. Both ships are cool to me :) I must even say that I like Marcie 'n Peppermint Patty! In my Grown Up! version (Carlo Cafe) I like to think as time goes by their relationship becomes one of those where everyone thinks they are a couple and everyone realizes it except them, you know, like casual holding hands, somebody asks about it and they're like "Lol what are u talking 'bout, this is totally a bro thing lol". Just play with the concept(?) About to Lucy and Schroeder, I have a Love-Hate relationship with them(?) They have their moments together like that December 16, 1984 strip where Schroeder kisses Lucy on the cheek (Tumblr only lets me put 10 images ( ╥ ╥ ) ) Or that October 6, 1957 strip where Lucy makes a handmade portrait of Beethoven and Schroeder thinks it's a nice of her and was even willing to put it in his room. Even that 2014 Short "Just For Love" where Schroeder just says "I wouldn't marry you UNLESS you were the last girl on earth" But as a musician I will never get over thAT time with Lucy throwing Schroeder's piano into the sewer, it just hURT(?) But yea, I think i’ll do something ‘bout them soon! :) That's all, Sorry for the VERY LOOOONG text. Someone asks me 'bout Peanuts and I just can't stop, I'm cringe but I'm free(?)

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soaringsearingphoenix · 4 years ago

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Hopefully we are going to get into

I Am In Eskew

The White Vault

Station Arcadia

Girl In Space

The Lost Cat

what is tumblr going to do after tma ends... i think it would be nice if y’all got into other podcasts and helped create bigger fandoms for them as well

#and a lot of others but this post would be SO long if i listed all the podcasts i Like And Want To See More Content For #and it would be four times as long if i listed all the ones that ive Heard Recommendations For Based On What I Like But Havent Gotten To Yet #also i was specifically suggesting ones that i think fans of TMA would like that dont get quite as much attention #specifically because they share some of the themes or features that make them good #i just... hrrng... lovve podcastss so much #i am in eskew has the each-episode-is-distinct-but-there-IS-an-overarching-season-plot format and fascinating but unfriendly worldbuilding #the white vault has the 'this is a scholarly collection of documents regarding a paranormal occurrence' format but much more chronological #station arcadia has the 'lets understand this world as a whole by looking at Individual moments. lives and perspectives.' GreA(Y)t charcters #Girl In Space explores themes of humanity and free will in an environment where you do not hold the power and also i love it so so much #the Lost Cat is a bit gruesome tbh but follows a guy as he stumbles into a series of strange and troubling phenomena. hes just tryna get by #one of my favorite categories is 'podcast guy unfazed by the cosmic horror around him in a way that makes it feel almost mundane in tone'#that category (from least to most dismal Vibes) is WTNV. The Lost Cat. I Am In Eskew #Like. night vale is often lighthearted. the lost cat has kind of a grim humor. eskew is just straight up heartwrenching at times #wtnv is comedy eskew is tragedy and the cat podcast walks somewhere in the middle #yet although im usually a cheerful stories kinda person i was SO drawn in by Eskew because it has SUCH a compelling world #i think it's because it feels like it could have Rules To How This Works in a way that is a little looser in Night Vale and #a little more episode-specific in Cat Podcast #there's that feeling that you are So Close to something that is compelling to me because it's tantalizing. it's... achievable #and because it's... personal in a way the other two aren't. which i think is what puts it on the TMA side of the hostile world genre #whereas Cat and WTNV maintain that you exist and you are in the world and the world is going to do its thing and doesnt have much opinion #(which can be a very reassuring thing. nihilism can be empowering and a comfort if done right)#it's a very different kind of nihilism in TMA and Eskew. because the world DOES know youre there and it has an opinion #and it is a different kind of nihilism to be small in the face of something that does care but does not want what you want #than to be small in the face of indifference #and when you stand up to a critical world and say I Matter. My Actions And Thoughts Matter #it is a different kind of poetic tragedy to suffer and sacrifice in defense of that belief #anyways uhhhhhhhhh if you like tma you will probably like at least some of these #i have more recs if yall want more recs lmk #AND if you have recs for me #PLEASE i would love to hear em

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karezzasstuff · 4 years ago

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The Karezza Method: 5 Reasons Why This Spiritual Sexual Experience Is Worth Trying

When it comes to sex, we often don't just use the orgasm to indicate how successful it was – we also see it as the ultimate goal of sex. Time to check out the karezza method.

Where does the karezza method come from?

KAREZZA METHOD

The Karezza Method: 5 Reasons Why This Spiritual Sexual Experience Is Worth Trying

When it comes to sex, we often don't just use the orgasm to indicate how successful it was – we also see it as the ultimate goal of sex. Time to check out the karezza method.

Where does the karezza method come from?

Karezza is a slow, sensual way of making love, where the climax disappears completely from view, leaving room for emotional connection and more intense affection. The karezza method has ancient spiritual roots, but became known in our era thanks to the publication of Alice Bunker Stockham's 1903 book, Karezza: the Ethics of Marriage.se Stockham coined the term karezza based on the Italian word carezza, meaning "to caress." ' stands for.

The idea behind the karezza method is to deepen sexual and emotional bonding, says clinical sexologist Randi Levison. The method “teaches couples to pay attention to each other's entire being, not a single body part,” she says. “The point is to relax and be present in the now.”

The method is also known by its Latin names, 'coitus reservatus', although strictly speaking that differs from real karezza; coitus reservatus refers to the penetrating partner abstaining from orgasm while continuing to stimulate the receiving partner to have it.

As with tantric sex and other more sensual sexual practices, karezza has become popular in recent years with couples trying to find their true intimacy and connection in their relationship.

Benefits of the karezza method:

1. You explore other forms of pleasure than the orgasm.

For many people, sex is mainly about having an orgasm, which can actually lead to you getting distracted and not really enjoying the sex. If you take this goal away, then you are free to focus entirely on the sensations, without worrying about what it "builds up" to. As Levison said, the goal is to be fully present in the moment.

For people who get stressed out during sex (which is usually due to the idea that your sexual performance isn't enough), letting go of the O target can be a burden off the shoulders. When sex is about the journey and not the destination, it creates the space to truly enjoy what each sensation is in itself, without fear of where it leads.

It creates more affection than other forms of sex.

It does so because it encourages couples to take their time caressing, touching, kissing and cuddling with each other. These actions stimulate the production of oxytocin, a neurotransmitter that creates feelings of attachment and love. By fondling each other for longer and longer, "we feel good, happy and painless," says Renee Adolphe, a sex and relationship coach who is well acquainted with karezza.

You learn to feel each other better.

“As a sex therapist, I recognize that a couple's sexual behavior is usually a symptom of what's going on in the rest of the relationship,” Levison explains. At karezza “you experience a sense of convergence… of complete unity with a partner or the experience of being on the same frequency. This unity is inherently harmonious, and when you experience harmony during sex, it usually spreads out of the bedroom on its own.”

In other words, the time you spend bonding during karezza could be the healing balm for your relationship.

It connects sex and spirituality.

Karezza began as a highly spiritual practice, daring to admit that sex is a central element of spirituality. In his important 1931 text, The Karezza Method, J. William Lloyd writes: “Sex is very close to the soul. Anyone who touches sex touches the secrets and center of life… The voice of sex, in its power, is like the voice of God.”

For the people who have learned to separate sex and faith, karezza can be a way to start reconnecting the two.

It is equally applicable to people with disabilities or chronic sexual pain.

For whom penetrative sex is not an option due to a disability or a condition that makes sex painful, the karezza method offers another way to enjoy your sexuality with a partner that is suitable for almost everyone, because it is about fondling and hugging your partner, not about penetration.

Positions, methods and tips:

Create a conscious, sensual space.

Lloyd emphasizes the importance of the right environment for karezza – ideally an intimate, romantic atmosphere in the bedroom.

“If you are novices, choose a time when you are both completely alone, without rush and when you will not be disturbed. Focus fully on your love and joy and the way you merge into oneness. Provide a warm room, with delicate and beautiful decorations; and let clothes get in the way as little as possible,” Lloyd writes. Adolphe has an addition for our modern age: “Make sure you have plenty of time, and make sure your telephones and television are turned off, because you want to be fully present being in the moment.”

As a couple, determine your intentions for the sexual session.

If you're just starting out with karezza, it's helpful if you and your partner go into the sexual session with a certain mindset about what kind of experience you're trying to create. Remember that the method is intended to connect with the whole body, not just the genitals.

“Karezza requires mental preparation,” Lloyd writes. “You must first have the understanding and conviction that the spiritual, the caressing, the soft side of the relationship is much more important, and also produces much more pleasure, than the purely sexual, and that the sexual should be secondary throughout the relationship. on this loving side; it is her means, her mediator, her fodder. Sex is certainly necessary to bring out all the good, but only under the strict guidance of and for the glory of love. … Make sure both of you think more about your love than your passion; convert your sex passion into heart passion as much as possible.”

He also emphasizes the importance of starting from a place of tenderness, rather than a sense of intensity or sexual arousal. Think relaxing hygge vibes instead of burning passion vibes.

Start slow and sensual.

Start by massaging your partner's body, or by running your fingers tenderly over their body. Pay attention to places you might normally ignore during sex. Caress your partner's face, their neck and shoulders, the sides of their waist.

Place a strong emphasis on communication. Ask your partner what feels good and how the sensations in their body feel. Tell each other where to keep their touch as you explore each other's bodies. Be direct about what gives you the most pleasure.

Compliment each other.

“As your hands caress her, tell her how beautiful her face is to you – her forehead, her hair, her lips, neck – her arms, hands, bosom, waist, the smooth curves of her limbs. Be eloquent, poetic in her praise,” Lloyd writes. “The Beloved can never be over-praised or appreciated by the Lover. Take some time for these preparatory caresses.”

Don't be afraid to make it intimate!

(Lloyd's advice is clearly aimed at men with a female partner, but can of course be used with ease regardless of your gender or sexual preference.)

Stroke their penis or vulva.

When it feels right, move down to caress your partner's genitals with that same tender touch. But remember, you're not working toward orgasm, so move slowly and watch your partner not get too close to climax. Move elsewhere if that seems to be happening.

“Keep your mind on love, not passion,” Lloyd reminds us. “Be completely relaxed physically… hold the thought of Peace.”

(Tantric yoni massage or tantric lingam massage are perfect to try during karezza.)

Use positions where you can see each other.

When you feel ready for penetration, don't switch to reverse cowgirl positions, but stick to karezza-friendly positions where you maintain eye contact and physical closeness, such as the lotus position, rocking chair, or missionary position.

If you find yourself nearing an orgasm, pause the current activity and return your focus to the fact that karezza is about emotional bonding, not climax. (For those with a penis, it may help to practice semen retention in addition to the karezza method.)

Take it easy.

Karezza is a marathon, not a sprint. Don't think you can practice it quickly in between.

“The most important thing is to be loving, benevolent and patient with yourself and with your partner. Slow, tender and affectionate are keywords to help you on your karezza journey,” says Adolphe.

The karezza method can ultimately bring you and your partner(s) closer together and increase your capacity to enjoy sex. It is a space where you are mindful of your partner, where you explore this new way of connecting with the other.

SOURCE: https://www.nieuwetijdskind.com/karezza-method-spiritual-sexual-experience-het-tryen-waard/

Recently I had it in a log WHAT MORE DOES LIFE PROVIDE TOGETHER. But there is more to enjoy all of this. And it actually comes at the right time. It ties in nicely with the previous one. Sex is much more like I wrote than the act itself. Feel each other caressing each other. Bringing you to a climax with your whole body but not through penetration. The whole body plays an important role. From your hair to your smallest toe. There are erogenous zones that play an important role in the sensual. It's all about love. Give and receive love. This can be done with clothes on up to a moment. You feel you share you give and get. Without there being any point to penetrate right away. To pull the clothes off each other's body. Looking at the other person can also make you feel a lot emotionally. Now with this it is really knowing and being able to control your body. And you have to learn that step by step. Just like you have to learn everything.

AUM NAMASTE BUDDHA BRUNO

Om Shanthi,

one must be able to connect spiritual and earthly

AUM MANI PADME HUM

That is love

Aum Shanti

Luminous but also purity and clarification.

You can let go of so much when you are so busy with each other.

#yabyum #joy #karezza #nirvana #yoga #love #meditation #unconditionallove #tantra #maithuna

Karezza - Liefkozen howto:

#karezza #yabyum #Nirvana #How #moksha #yoga #samadhi #maithuna #tantra #satori

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wiltking · 4 years ago

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no one asked for this but here’s a brief explanation for every song on my burakhovsky playlist. it includes brief lyric translations and breakdowns.

disclaimer; ive only played classic and i havent completely finished it either. also im not 100% fluent in russian, but i do try my best.

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yellow love

all i feel is celestial desire a distant joy is dancing all around me all i see is yellow in the spring air how beautifully the color worked itself in

the only track on this playlist that's in english but it was too good to leave out. the most obvious connection is the color yellow - a nod to the yellow tone of areas that have survived infection and become safezones for a day. the comfort of walking through one of those yellow zones and knowing that you're safe, at least for a moment.

it also sets the foundation for a few other songs down the line with the celestial theme - the feverish celestial pull of love.

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океан // ocean

Ты видишь, что взгляд мой усталый // you see the tiredness in my eyes Мой друг, верни мне покой // my friend, bring me back to peace Мой друг, верни мне покой // my friend, bring me back to peace

i know there is no ocean in the steppe. but if you substitute for steppe for ocean in this context, it works well enough. and if you think about it, a sea of grass is still a sea. and more importantly this song is about a desire for peace. about having no where to go back to but the place you are currently in. and wanting to stay here, forever and ever.

Hо я не вернусь, я весь твой // but i won't go back, i'm all yours

and that part just gets to me.

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мякоть // pulp (the meat of fruit)

я вырастил сердце на грядке // i grew my heart in a garden надеюсь, оно там в порядке // i hope its okay there я вырастил сердце на грядке // i grew my heart in a garden просил поливать его часто // and asked to water it often

this whole song is a goldmine and i could go through it line by line but to keep it simple i see this song being about the time when daniil inevitably leaves town on gorkhon, goes back home to his dear thanatica, and yearns for the heart he left behind. and he knows he left it there, it was a conscious decision, but it still pains him in a distant way.

и мякоть, и мягкость, и нежность // and pulp and softness and tenderness созрели довольно поспешно // ripen rather quickly но я не тороплюсь его слушать // but im in no hurry to listen to [the heart]

and daniil doesn't regret leaving, he knows it was the right decision because he still has so much he needs to do. but that doesn't lessen the ache. and the yearning for softness and tenderness.

хоть что-то решить - это сложно // to decide on something is difficult я с радостью срезал бы ножиком // i'd gladly sever it with a knife

and when the yearning builds - he feels stuck, torn between two places - the town and artemy, and his studies and livelihood in thanatica. and he almost wishes he could cut all ties. but he can't, because the heart doesn’t deserve to rot or wilt. because its full of pulp and softness and tenderness.

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рельсы // rails (traintracks)

мы сегодня сонные // we are sleepy today но мы рядом // but we're near (almost there) это должно избавить от яда // this should get rid of the poison

this song connects to мякоть by referring to the destination of a train ride as a garden. in other words, the town on gorkhon is a garden, in which daniil is inevitably returning to. and only once he gets there, will he be able to breathe.

расскажи, кто ты такой, // tell me about who you are почему всегда налегке // and why its always light давай говорить // lets talk на любом языке // in any language

initially i took this as a nod to how you can play the game in russian or english, but after further consideration i like the thought of it meaning that danill eventually learns more of the kin's language, enough to carry conversations in it with artemy.

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то что рождает весна // what spring gives birth to

Запутался, кто я и для чего создан // confused about who i am and what i was created for И что между нами случилось тогда // and what happened between us then

i think this speaks for itself.

Мы плавно перешли с тобой на «ты» // we smoothly switched to [using the casual pronoun] 'you'

re: this exchange in patho 2:

Daniil: Так что и вы не смейтесь надо мной, коллега. Как вас там… эрдэм. so, don't you [formal] laugh at me, colleague. how are you... erdem? Artemy: Ты проверял?.. То есть… вы проверяли? you [casual] checked? ... rather... you [formal] checked? Daniil: Можно и на ты. Да, проверял. It's okay to use 'you' [casual]. Yes, I checked.

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рассвет // sunrise

Каменный остров, танцы на костях // island of stones, dancing on bones Сын девяностых помнит, кем не стал // son of the nineties remembers who he did not become Где для н��го место, где – покой // where is the place for him, where is the peace Это не просто, знать, что мир не твой // this is not easy - to know that the world is not yours

i see this as mostly a song about artemy. about him returning home and coming into his role there. but i also remember when daniil told block that his father wanted him to be a soldier, as well as his Conversation with the Powers That Be. so i think there's some overlap there.

Где для меня место, где покой? // where is the place for me, where is peace? Мне нужен воздух, место и покой // i need air, space and peace.

it’s all about a desire for peace. all of it.

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дом // home

Отпусти я не буду мешать тебе найти свой дом // let me go, i won't get in the way of you finding your home Давай верить что мы в нем вдвоем // lets believe that we are in it together

Твой путь не легче чем мой / your path is not easier than mine Давай я буду идти за тобой / let me follow you

by this point i think its obvious that i see both daniil and artemy struggling to have a place that they truly feel is home. and after the events of pathologic, they have a lot of work to do as individuals when it comes to building those homes. but as much as they understand that, they still have this connection between them that makes them want to build a home together. and its about the tug and pull of their different paths, which aren't so different after all.

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по сырой траве // on (along) damp grass

по сырой траве // on the damp grass да босой ногой // with bare feet по услуший земле // on the sleeping earth мы пойдём с тобой // we will go with you

this one is all about daniil following artemy. its about him trusting him. following his guidance about the steppe and seeing the beauty in it.

это ночь без бесаких сомнений // this night without any doubts колыбелью станет для нас // will become a cradle for us нам подарит уюта мгновение // will gift us a moment of comfort мы узнаем любовь в первый раз // we will know love for the first time

that last line just gets to me every time and i dont think i need to say any more. its about the vibe.

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ускользает // slipping away

Я не знаю, где искать // i don't know where to look Где среди д��мов в холоде // where among the houses in the cold Где горит твоя молодость // where your youth is burning Не переживай, не переживай, не переживай // don't worry don't worry don't worry Не смотри как // don't look at how Ускользает // its slipping away

honestly i just love this song and wanted an excuse to listen to it more. but i also like to picture daniil and artemy growing old together.

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родинки // [skin] moles

Я посчитаю родинки // i will count your moles Их больше сотни на тебе // there are more than a hundred of them on you Я заберу тебя с собой // i will take you with me Целоваться до утра // kiss you until morning

this one is just cute.

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давай?! // let's go?!

Вверх по спирали, // up the spiral К черту все детали, // fuck all the details Все ракеты на старт... // all missiles on launch...

there's no question that this reminds me of daniil's canon ending in patho 1.

Выше и выше, // higher and higher Я слышу как ты дышишь, // i hear you breathing И хочу сказать...// and i want to say... Знаешь... // you know...

В городах, уже правды нет, // in cities there is no longer truth Давай мы улетим от всех?! // let's fly away from everyone!?

so if we're going along the line that daniil has destroyed the town, and he can't go back to thanatica and he has no reason to stay here in the town on gorkhon, and he has utterly no where to go, i like to think that he might have the desire to ask artemy to leave with him.

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ты моё // you are my

поле, ты моё поле // field, you are my field

more steppe imagery.

душу и сердце моё исцели // heal my soul and heart

self-explanatory

двое, хас только двое // two, there are only two of us мы летнее солнце в осенней груди // we are the summer sun in autumn's chest

two halves of a single whole...and as healers they are the light that shines upon the town during the autumn sand pest pandemic.

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забери // take

расскажи мне о радости дня // tell me about the joy of day нам бы только успеть до рассвета // we only have time until dawn

я хочу прикоснуться к тебе // i want to touch you [...] забери меня к себе // take me to your place

it's all about the physical intimacy. just a very gentle song that i think they deserve. all of studio’78′s songs have this gentleness to them, as well a very poetic lyrical sense that fits with them so so well.

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доктор // doctor

ко��да доктор придёт // when the doctor comes скажите ему, что я уже мёртв // tell him im already dead пускай волнуется, щупает пульс // let him worry, check my pulse душа моя танцем в небе закружится // my soul that's dancing in the sky will spiral

"i'm causing problems on purpose"

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кавказ / caucasus

к подножью самых южных гор // to the foot of the southernmost mountains я буду нежно целовать // i will kiss you tenderly как будто в самый первый раз // as if its the very first time

i just like to picture them traveling together. that's all.

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tldr; it’s all about the нежность.

#cringe. but im free

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tuiyla · 5 years ago

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So I finally watched The Owl House

I wish I’d do this with every show I watch but it seems like only a lucky few get the She-Ra style rant of love treatment. Well, I finally watched The Owl House after my dash having been flooded for the past couple of weeks and I have some thoughts. Slight spoilers below.

First off, I love the whole vibe. I had a faint idea that this show would be about magic but I didn’t know much before watching - except for one thing, we’ll get back to that. The way it builds its world and deals with magic, though, is so refreshing. And I just have to mention here that I laughed out loud at all the Harry Potter jabs, they were hilarious. I expect we’ll learn much more about magic and its users as the show goes on but as far as the first season goes the introduction was really solid. It strikes the right balance between leaving things to the imagination but being more than “wave wand and magic happens”. It’s colourful, it’s creative, and I even like the ovens and school tracks, despite knowing that the story is about not conforming to those. It makes the Boiling Isles unique and make me want to learn more about the world even beyond the characters and the main plot.

TOH also presents a world that’s much more macabre than I was expecting from the Disney Channel, not that that’s a bad thing. I found myself thinking of Adventure Time at certain points and pondering, at scary moments, how kids would react. I think kids love this, though, and besides, nothing can be more scarring than Courage the Cowardly Dog was. It’s not that terrifying, of course, just daring enough to stand out. Overall the show has what I would classify as more of a Cartoon Network vibe than a Disney Channel one, but I admittedly haven’t really been following many Disney shows. In any case, I dig it. I dig the weird creatures and the beautiful backgrounds and I appreciate how alive the Boiling Isles feel. It doesn’t take long for TOH to immerse you in its world so I’m for one am hooked.

I make a big deal of loving the world itself because rarely does it happen that world-building stands out to me so soon in a series. I do love carefully constructed fantasy worlds but for the most part I’m more interested in the characters themselves. Here, I’d say it’s close to being a 50-50, which is something that even Avatar can’t say with its elemental masterclass in world-building (which is mostly because the character depth there is unrivaled but still). So yeah, kudos to The Owl House for achieving this. From Luz’s glyph magic to the covens and the titans, I’m excited to explore this world more.

Now, the characters. The real meat of any story. Starting with Luz, I have seen some criticism that she’s a generic hero so far, the “I’m a weirdo”, heart of gold, upbeat variety. I don’t think this makes her bland, though I do admit that being told over and over again that she’s weird makes me less engaged, even she’s also shown to be weird. I like the message of her arc and that the chosen one trope was deconstructed almost right away. I like that she’s relentlessly enthusiastic and kind to people and I like that she doesn’t have to get more bitter in order to get development. Instead, she learns from her mistakes but keeps being herself and brings her unique spirit to the Boiling Isles. We need protagonists like Luz, not just because she’s latina and bisexual but because her learning process doesn’t involve cynicism. Sure, there is a lot she needs to learn but her heart is presented as an asset and a sort of source of magic. I’m excited to see where her story goes, for sure.

I’m gonna write briefly about the other characters before I get to my favourite one. Eda is super cool and I quickly got over the fact that she’s not Beatrice Horseman, lol. She embodies such a youthful energy but the show also allows her to be a middle-aged woman comfortable in her own body - well, owl curse notwithstanding. Also, her relationship with Lilith is one of my favourite parts of the whole show. Eda subverts so many of the mentor’s traditional tropes and I’m here for it. I kinda thought she was the villain based on her design and when I didn’t know anything about the show but hey, happy she’s not.

I don’t think I’d even seen a picture of King before starting to watch the series and at first I thought I’d get tired of him real quick. He’s the type of character who can get really annoying instead of endearing really fast if he’s not given any depth or charm, both by way of writing and voice acting. Luckily, I ended up liking King and his antics. His design is indeed adorable and Alex Hirsch is a genius. The only time I felt like he went too far was, perhaps surprisingly, in the book writing episode, “Sense and Insensitivity”, but even there going too far was the point. So yeah, King’s also great, there’s much potential in his backstory and general character.

Alright so really quickly, other characters: Willow and Gus are generic best friend characters and though they already have other things going on, I expect more development as the series progresses. I like that Willow is actually super powerful, just not in the way people expected her to and Gus is clearly also talented despite being younger. I’d be happy to see more of the other kids, get more familiar with Hexside. Edric and Emira are fun characters but they were really shitty in their first episode so I was kind of surprised they weren’t more of a nuisance to Amity later on. I’m all for supportive siblings so I wouldn’t mind a good relationship between the three but I feel like it’s more complicated than that with the Blights.

Finally, I also have to mention that Hooty is... well, quite something, isn’t he. Much like with King, I thought he’d be much more annoying but somehow the show is self-aware enough that it makes Hooty tolerable. I’m almost always torn between feeling sorry for him and being thoroughly weirded out, and I think that’s the intention? It’s fitting that he’s the titular character as he embodies the tone of The Owl House well in my eyes. He’s there for the comedy but there’s just enough there to hint at something more. Very bizarre, strong CN vibes, here for it.

Now that I’ve written a paragraph more about Hooty than I expected to, let’s talk about Amity. Listen, no other character stood a chance to be my favourite as soon as I learned Mae Whitman voiced Amity. That woman gave me Katara so now I have a quasi Pavlovian response to her voice. I’d also say that I knew more about Amity going into the show than I did about any other aspect of TOH. I heard somewhere that she started out as an antagonist, I knew her parents were abusive, and the reason the show blew up on my dash and my general online bubble is the Grom episode. Lucikly I only saw stills of Lumity beneath the crescent moon but the pure Sapphic energy of that was enough to gay migrate me to this show. I’d like to note it here though that The Owl House is a good show in and of itself, the queer rep is just a nice extra. I’m gonna spend the next couple hundred words going on about Amity and her crush on Luz but I don’t value only that. The Gay Migration is great and rep is great but I’m also grateful to have a solid show behind it. That being said.

I’m a total dyke for Amity Blight. I was very biased before even being introduced to her character but I genuinely find her to be fascinating and she has great potential. She’s developing quite quickly, like much of The Owl House, but an arc not being stretched out for several seasons before getting a rushed conclusion is refreshing. The progress hits all the beats and the only note I have is that I want more. She starts out as a generic bully but the opportunity to be more is there from the beginning. We find out early on that she used to be friends with Willow, we see that she works hard and values honest work. When she becomes Luz’s rival, it doesn’t last long before Amity shows that she’s open to new perspectives. That’s not to defend or even justify her earlier and nastier moments, Amity was rude to both Luz and Willow. But through all that, she becomes a complex character who does bad things but isn’t a bad person and grows when she gets the space to. I think that’s neat.

Luz’s decision to befriend her might be cartoon logic but as someone who subscribes to the “kill them with kindness” ideology, I can totally relate. Amity’s softer side doesn’t take long to show and “Lost in Language” is such a great episode to show how complex people can be. Again, I was already biased when it came to Amity but she’s consistently shown to be capable of self-reflection and growth when others give her the chance. I think her past and potential future friendship with Willow is a great way to explore many different topics and I’m trusting the show to do it justice. I also can’t wait to meet the rest of the Blights, if only to get me some angst and further develop Amity. I half expected Grom to take the form of her parents. Too dark for Disney? Well, we don’t know Amity’s dynamic with her parents, exactly, but there’s so much subtext and potential. I love what we’ve already seen from her but I’d also say that she has one of the greatest potentials in the show.

Another way in which this potential manifests is Lumity, of course. Again, they’re developing quite quickly but that doesn’t mean it’s rushed. I’d love to explore Amity’s crush more and what Luz means to her. The Grom episode surpassed all expectations, still and gifs don’t do the stunning dance sequence justice. The animation is so smooth, the colours are amazing, the music is on point and the Sapphic vibes complete the picture. Poetic cinema, truly. Molly Ostertag and Noelle Stevenson are really out there giving wlw animation fans everything we ever wanted, huh. It also warms my heart that the crush is made very clear, not just by Luz’s name being on the note but by the delightful gay disaster that is Amity in “Wing It Like Witches”. I never thought I’d ever see such a relatable useless lesbian in animation so kudos to Dana Terrace and the whole crew. Wow, how far we’ve come.

So yeah, Amity is a funky little lesbian and I’m a 100% here for her gay disaster moments, but I also love where Lumity is going thematically. They’re great as foils and I’m hoping that they won’t get together at the very end. Look, I love me some Bubbline, Korrasami and Catradora, but it’s time a wlw relationship had the chance to exist onscreen and not only in the last episode. The Owl House has a great chance to do that. I know the creators don’t want romance to be the main focus and I respect that, I think the world they created deserves to showcased and explored to its full potential. Lumity could be a great subplot though, as representation on the one hand and as a thematically interesting dynamic on the other. Plus, Luz and Amity are just cute and sometimes, it’s as simple as that. Oh, and also the whole Little Miss Perfect thing? One of the best fandom discoveries I’ve made in a long while. Not only is the song truly perfect for Amity, I love that Joriah Kwamé went on to write Ordinary as well. This right here is why fandom is beautiful.

I think that’s about it for season 1 initial thoughts. The moral can be a bit on the nose at times, especially in the early episodes but the show is ultimately for kids and I appreciate its message. Interesting world and magic system, good characters, great potential for later seasons, just a well put together show that I’m really glad I started watching. I’m kind of sorry I didn’t keep up with season 1 as it was coming out but I would not have been able to wait between episodes. The pacing is good overall, deffo moves fast but I wouldn’t call it rushed, and the “filler” episodes still add something to the story. I’m not sure if I would still feel like the show moves at a fast pace if I hadn’t binged it but in any case it isn’t rushed, the necessary beats are all there and have time to sit. I’m going to watch as it comes out from now on so hopefully season 2 will arrive early next year.

Oh, and: I’m very new to the fandom, barely just found out about Little Miss Perfect, so any and all tidbits, fun facts, and fic recommendations are welcome. Also if you just want to chat my inbox is always open!

#the owl house #toh #amity blight #lumity #luz noceda #my thoughts #down another rabbit hole i go

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hermionegranger56 · 4 years ago

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a v late recap of evermore

so i think Taylor Swift sensed that i was Going Through It and was like here you sad bitch, here’s another surprise album to help fix all that. cause good lord evermore is just what i (and i think we all) needed. i truly TRULY can’t believe we’re lucky enough to get a sister album to folklore, i love it so much. the first day it was out i drove myself 2 hours to the very end of the Cape and sat on an empty beach and cried to it and honestly??? magical. here are my thoughts on it that no one asked for:

first, as an overall here, this album complements folklore so well. it’s the spring to folklore’s autumn, it’s self-assured and warm and beautiful. each album shows off her lyrical genius so well and she only grows stronger here. when folklore came out, i was floored because the music was so different for her and so up my alley. each song’s production sucked me in and it was like she was confidently telling us “here is another genre i can work with” (masterfully at that). evermore feels different. it feels like Taylor is so comfortable in this creative space, she isn’t trying to fit into any new molds or expectations, she is just HERE, now, saying “this is who i am and this is my craft”. it’s really been a privilege to watch her grow as an artist. ok. here we go

willow:

god the video was so beautiful, a really good continuation of cardigan. the chorus is so so delicate and prettyyy, thats MY MAN ughhh its so good. it reminds me a lot of invisible string tbh, or if betty from cardigan grew up and found love. this is really one of my favorites, she starts so strong

fave lines: “the more that you say, the less i know/ wherever you stray I follow/ i’m begging for you to take my hand/ wreck my plans, that’s my man”; “life was a willow and it bent right to your wind”

champagne problems:

oh dear god, it’s if all too well and new years day had a baby and it is a MASTERPIECE. i can picture it all, college sweethearts, broken hearts, i feel like its new england at christmas, ivy league old money…its cinematic. and it gets at the feeling like you’ll never be good enough so you leave before that happens (basically before you get to the tolerate it stage??) and OOF. AND GODDAMN THE RANTING BRIDGE (illicit affairs came close on folklore but i think THIS might be the best bridge since All Too Well). I’ve screamed it a lot tbh

fave lines: BRIDGE BABYYYYYY EVERY SINGLE PERFECT WORD. WHAT A SHAME SHES FUCKED IN THE HEADDDD

gold rush:

this one is bright and lovely and catchy!! it reminds me a lot of mirrorball tbh, all like swirly and magical. i can’t even put it into words but i can see this one so clearly. its all rosy and golden

fave lines: “eyes like sinking ships on waters/ so inviting, i almost jump in”; “what must it be like to grow up that beautiful?/with your hair falling into place like dominoes/ I see me padding across your wooden floors/ with my Eagles t-shirt hanging from your door”; “the coastal town we wandered round/ had never seen a love as pure as it”; “my mind turns your life into folklore”

’tis the damn season:

UGH I FUCKING LOVE THIS ONE EVEN THOUGH IT MAKES ME WANNA TEXT MY EX. the melody is SOOOO satisfying, the progression to “write this down”, i’m obsessed. the idea of being home for the holidays and feeling a little lost and tired and nostalgic for what could have been is something superrrr relatable. this song reminds me of snowy drives around my hometown in the best/worst possible way hahah. one of my top 5 for sure.

fave lines: “we could call it even/ you could call me babe for the weekend/ tis the damn season, write this down/i’m staying at my parents house/ and the road not taken looks real good now”; “and wonder about the only soul/ who can tell which smiles i’m faking”

tolerate it:

oh honeyyyyy this track 5 packs a punch, i mean the lyrics are absolutely BRUTAL in the best way. it’s just so sad, and encompasses a lot of my own insecurity about always feeling like you’re more invested in a relationship and watching someone fall out of love or just stop caring. i LOVE the “my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it”, like bitch YES your love should be celebrated. also taylor sounds angelic on the “I” at the start of the chorus

fave lines: “i know my love should be celebrated/ but you tolerate it”; “i made you my temple, my mural, my sky/ now i’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life”; “what would you do if I/break free and leave us in ruins/ took this dagger in me and removed it”

no body, no crime:

YESSSSSSSSS I LOVE THE SUBGENRE OF COUNTRY ABOUT WOMEN KILLING SHITTY HUSBANDS AND THIS SONG IS SO FUCKING GOOD AHHHHH!! I LOVE the beat, i love country taylor, i love the addition of HAIM. UGH ITS SO CATCHYYYY, like i’m obsessed with the slide from “i think he did it but i just. can’t. prove itttttt NOOO no body no crime” UGHHH this is without a doubt in my top five

fave lines: “she thinks i did it but she just can’t prove it”

happiness:

I heard this one described as an emotional marathon and holy shit it is, each line is a sucker punch. i really like how it feels like a conversation and looks at the acceptance and pain that mingle together when a relationship just…ends. her lyrics are unmatched on this album but this is a particularly strong track

fave lines: “i haven’t met the new me yet”; “when did all our lessons start to look like weapons/ pointed at my deepest hurt”; “there is a glorious sunrise/ dappled with the flickers of light/ from the dress i wore at midnight”

dorothea:

this one feels like Betty 2.0 and its so sweet and bright and also kinda sad. it’s wistful!! that’s the word i want, wistful! the vibe is gives off reminds me of Red, like musically. it’s home-y. idk if that makes sense but i like it a lot

fave lines: and if you’re ever tired of being known for who you know/ you know, you’ll always know me”

coney island:

ugh this one is magical, i honestly really love the instrumental to this one, it’s so soothing. the lyrics to me feel like you’re in some dream state, going through every heartbreak you’ve ever been through. I love the addition of The National, the vocals fit together so well (and I like it better than both Bon Iver features i think??)

fave lines: do you miss the rogue/ who coaxed you into paradise and left you there/ will you forgive my soul/ who you’re too wise to trust me and too old to care?”

ivy:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (that’s how i feel about this absolute masterpiece oh my GOD) it makes me so incandescently happy, the folk feel, the lyrics that are so cinematic and poetic and paint such a clear picture (to me) of two Victorian lovers who are in unhappy marriages but don’t let that stop their love. the chorus just like….fills my whole chest, the OH GODDAMN hits so different. and i want “my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand” tattooed on me, that is one of her BEST lines and i will die on that hill. its all so pretty, i can’t deal. the vibe also strongly reminds me of a) invisible string and b) Little Women (2019). i think taylor should do folk and uhhhh only folk please

fave lines: EVERY WORD BUT ESPECIALLY: “i’d meet you where the spirit meets the bone/ in a faith forgotten land”; “oh goddamn/ my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand/ taking mine, but its been promised to another/ oh, i can’t/ stop you putting roots in my dreamland/ my house of stone, your ivy grows/ and now I’m covered in you”; “he wants what’s only yours”; “clover blooms in the field/ springs breaks loose, time is near“; ”so yeah, it’s a fire/ its a goddamn blaze in the dark and you started it”

cowboy like me:

ALL RIGHT everyone sleeps on this song but oh my GOD its so good!! it’s smooth and dreamy and gives me that old fashioned, bonnie and clyde type love story and some of the lyrics are so poetic. I really love the addition of the Tim McGraw chords too???? BUT DEAR GOD COULD WE HAVE GIVEN MARCUS MUMFORD MORE OF A ROLE HERE??!! HE SOUNDS WONDERFUL, GIVE HIM A FEATURE, GIVE HIM A WHOLE VERSE. THIS IS A FOLK ALBUM TAYLOR, USE FUCKING MUMFORD AHHHH (i fucking love him omg)

fave lines: “dancin’ is a dangerous game”; “you’re a bandit like me/ eyes full of stars”; “now you hang from my lips/ like the Gardens of Babylon/ with your boots beneath my bed/ forever is the sweetest con”

long story short:

A BOP!! GIVE ME SOME HAPPINESS TAYLOR WOO! I really love how catchy this one is. it feels like her introducing the craziness of her life to joe and being like look all of that was tough but here i am now and I couldn’t be happier. It’s refreshing, self-deprecating and endearing. I couldn’t love it more and it is ALWAYS stuck in my head!

fave lines: “and he’s passing by/ rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky”; “long story short I survived”

marjorie:

ha hahah hah ha this one ENDS me, like dear LORD i need to call my grandma immediately. it is so so GOOD and SAD, like the you don’t know how good something or someone is until they’re gone, but even then, they’re still there with you. I love the grandma wisdom of “never be so clever you forget to be kind” etc. and holy SHIT the addition of Taylor’s grandmother’s opera singing as background vocals is GENIUS AND DEVASTATING, god the part where she goes “i’d think you were singing with me now” and then Marjorie comes in is honestly one of the most beautiful musical moments i’ve heard in a hot minute and it breaks me every time. wow.

fave lines: “never be so polite/ you forget your power/ never wield such power/ you forget to be polite”; “the autumn chill that wakes me up/ you loved the amber sky so much”; “and if i didn’t know better/ i’d think you were singing to me now”

closure:

ok i’m sorry, this is my only skip here. I really do love the lyrics and the idea of, yeah no you don’t deserve closure from me. i just can’t get past the pots and pans beginning, its too chaotic. but i’m sure it’ll grow on me! it does feel like finally moving on and i do love that about it

fave lines: “don’t treat me like/ some situation that needs to be handled”; “i know i’m just a/ wrinkle in your new life/ staying friends would/ iron it out so nice”

evermore:

god her voice is SO soothing in this one, it’s literally hypnotic. the song itself feels wandering and dark at first, like you’re stuck in this depression, and then bon iver comes in and it picks up and it feels like coming out of the trees, into the sunlight and finding your way again. finding that the pain WOULDNT be for evermore like she says. it feels like an ending and a beginning. beautiful

fave lines: “writing letters/ addressed to the fire”; “and when i was shipwrecked/ i thought of you/ in the cracks of light/ i dreamed of you”; “and i was catching my breath/ floors of the cabin creaking under my step/ and i couldn’t be sure/ i had a feeling so peculiar/ this pain wouldn’t be for evermore”

#taylor swift #evermore #tswift #evermore album #willow #champagne problems

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my-faves-said-gay-rights · 5 years ago

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Favourite IU Lyrics

To celebrate iu’s 12th anniversary and give her the appreciation she deserves, here are 10 of my favourite lyrics that iu has written (in no particular order):

Note: iu has so many writing credits and so many songs that are strong as a whole that I don’t think I could ever choose my favourite lines from all of them or ever actually make an ordered list of favourite to least favourite. Also keep in mind that these lyrics and songs are open to interpretation so how I describe them may be different to what you think. I’m just doing this for fun so please don’t get mad at me if I don’t include your faves, and hey maybe I’ll make a part 2 someday

1. Bad Day

“I feel someone’s body heat on the empty playground bench

Why is this warmth making me feel even colder?

I bury my face in my scrunched up shoulders

My hands that I hid in my pockets get cold”

Bad day is such a special song to me. It was with this song that I realised there was something special about iu’s writing. I just love the whole metaphor of a cold room being used to describe a bad day. She took a relatable concept and was able to create an extended metaphor out of it that somehow describes the feeling so well, a feeling that some may struggle to put into words. I have mental illnesses and we know that iu has struggled with mental illness too, so this just feels like a very personal song and that just makes it better. You know that she felt these things and poured her heart into this song.

2. Ending Scene

“As much as you were lonely

I really hope you meet someone

Who will love you more than you

I’m sorry that it wasn’t me

It’s not easy to give

Don’t say those words, please

You know those words hurt even more”

I’m usually not big into love or break up songs, but something about this just feels so unique and heartbreaking. It’s not a bitter break up where they hurt each other, the other person is wishing her the best and admitting that they’re not right for each other, but that just makes it worse because they are clearly a good person who cares for her. It’s just so well written and a new perspective and that’s something I really appreciate about iu.

3. Can’t Love You Anymore

“Where are you?

Where are you?

I’m home

I’m in a cab

Are you almost home?

Oh, I’m sorry

For what?

Just, everything

Go home

I left my wallet there

Oh, hey

Never mind

No, what is it?

I don’t think

we’re in love anymore”

How could I not include the iconic back and forth with iu and oh hyuk? This again feels like a unique break up song in that it’s so chill. There’s no big reason for it, they just simply fell out of love and are now unable to be like they were before and are just tired of being together. I think this part shows that so well because not only are the lyrics great but the delivery of them as well. It just sounds great and is fun to sing along to (or at least try to sing long).

4. Eight

“So are you happy now?

Finally happy now are you?

I’m the same

I think I’ve lost it all

Everything comes on it’s own and leaves without a goodbye

At this rate, I don’t want to love anything”

Eight aka song of the year starts off strong and stays that way throughout (thanks partly to yoongi of course). IU has lost two close friends these past couple years, and from the mv it seems clear that the song is talking about her memories with them, as well as being another song that focuses on her age and how she’s growing up. For those reasons these lyrics just really hit hard. IU is such a strong woman and I hope that she is able to create more truly happy memories.

5. Red Queen

“Children obviously but adults too

Even the things that don’t have life

Everything fell in love, fell in love with her

Her heart was that beautiful too

Even when she gazed

At the tiniest, poorest of things

Those passionless, depressing eyes

Used to sparkle so bright"

This is another song with a connection to sulli. IU said that she was inspired to write the song because of a drawing sulli did, and the lyrics seem like they are telling her story of going from being loved to hated by the public, especially as after she passed away iu changed the lyrics at her concert to pay tribute to her. This obviously makes the song more touching now, but there’s even more to appreciate. I really love the structure of the lyrics, how it’s like she’s telling a fun silly story but underneath it’s actually very dark. This is helped even more by the instrumental and vocals, which shouldn’t be surprising because we all know iu is a musical genius. Red queen is easily one of her best songs.

6. Blueming

“I’lltextyouwithoutanyspacesIthinkthisislove

A hundred roses, wanna make them bloom with me?

Let’s color the flowers however we want

So it’s beautiful even when it withers”

It was really really really hard to choose my favourite lyrics because there is so much going on in this song, every single line has something to appreciate. I love when art can take something simple and make it poetic, and that’s what iu does well. The song as a whole is about texting your crush, and she describes this as creating flowers in their chat room, blooming flowers together as their relationship also blooms. It’s simple yet effective. Again I’m not big into love songs but I can appreciate poetry when I see it and damn do I see it. And can we just take a moment to appreciate how cool that texting without spaces line is? In the mv they type out the hangul without any spaces just so we can see that she really did that, wow.

7. Greedyy

“Girls be ambitious, own more, whatever it may be

There are so many things that are such a waste to give to others

Everyone tells you the same line as if promised, be good

If you don’t wanna you don’t have to, don’t have to”

Now we love a good bit of female empowerment. This song is actually by jea and moonbyul, but iu wrote the lyrics (moonbyul wrote her own I think). I think it says a lot that iu wrote a song for another female singer and she decided to make it about ambition and taking what you want. It honestly gives me cindy from the producers vibes. This song is very underappreciated so please check it out!

8. Through The Night

“Just like letters on the sand

Where waves were

I feel you’ll disappear

To a far off place

I miss you again and miss you more”

Through the night actually had to take some time to grow on me, but now it is one of my favourite iu songs ever. I don’t know why but this song often makes me cry, it’s just so full of love and admiration for whoever it’s about and iu’s vocals help put so much emotion into it. I think I cry because I make up scenarios in my head that make it more personal and hurt more, and I think you can do that with a lot of iu’s songs which really helps the listeners experience. I think with the palette album iu really hit something with her writing, it’s so full of emotion and poetic techniques. I’m so happy palette won album of the year and this song won song of the year because they both really deserve it.

9. BBIBBI

“Yellow C A R D

If you cross this line, it’s a violation, beep

Keeping manners stop here, it’s ma ma ma mine

Please keep the la la la line

Hello stuP I D

If you cross that line, I’ll get serious, beep

Stop it, keep the distance

Cause we don’t know know know know

Comma we don’t owe owe owe owe (anything)”

An iconic song. Bbibbi is a song telling the public to stop giving hate to celebrities and to stop invading their privacy, but in true iu fashion she keeps it upbeat and strangely polite. This got iu a lot of attention and I think that proves how good she is at writing. She did something new and empowering while still keeping in line with her image, and people really responded to this. This was another song where it was very hard for me to choose the lyrics. I went with the chorus but I also really love the pre chorus where she is repeating negative comments she receives, I just think that’s really cool.

10. Leon

“My heart used to be quietly asleep

But why did you throw a stone,

making me wanna dance?

Please hide my shaking eyes,

my black sunglasses”

Now maybe it’s just because films are my biggest passion in the world, but I really love this song. This part is sung by park myung-soo (iu still wrote all the lyrics) and is meant to be from leon’s perspective. I really like how iu took full advantage of this song being a boy girl duet because it allowed her to write from both perspectives and have fun with it. Something about it actually reminds me of red queen and I just really enjoy the vibe. I’ve noticed that korean people seem to really like leon the professional and I find that interesting, especially as it’s about the relationship between a 12 year old girl and a grown professional assassin man, but that’s a conversation for another day. As it is, this is a great song that was very successful in korea, and queen iu deserves all the success and praise.

If you somehow read all this, thank you so much and please stream eight!

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statementends · 6 years ago

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Deep Breath

Characters: Martin and Jon

Pairings: Jon/Martin

Warnings: Buried, Vast but not detailed.

Rating: G

Summary: The Buried and the Vast weren’t enemies. Or if they were no one had bothered to tell Martin and Jon.

AO3: Link

They probably never should have met.

Martin was tightly packed dirt, choking, surrounding, clinging. Jon empty space, terrifying heights, instability, open air.

And maybe they were supposed to be enemies. They were opposites. Jon said as much. He was clever. His research had gotten much further than Martin’s who had mastered his own powers, but knew little of the Others, as Jon called them.

“Twelve?” Martin asked.

They’re on the roof, the sky above them covered in endless stars. Jon was against him, Martin practically clinging. Perhaps he was worried he’d fall into the endless sky, or maybe he wanted to. All the fresh air filling his dirt laden lungs was an exciting prospect.

“Give or take. There are a few that might have subcategories. There’s us of course.”

“What do you call us?” Martin liked hearing Jon talk. His voice could go so deep and reach and never end.

“Claustrophobia and Agoraphobia.”

Martin hummed.

“You don’t agree?”

“Oh! No--no it wasn’t--well… I mean… I think we’re a bit more than textbook definitions.”

He shifted and pulled more blankets over Jon, maybe worried he’d float away. Jon only shifted for a more comfortable angle.

“That may be…” He admitted.

“Something… cooler,” Martin winced, but continued on, “Like… the Hidden and the Free.”

Jon’s face twisted, pained by the suggestion.

“Okay so maybe bad examples.”

“It makes us sound… I think it’s too uplifting,” Jon admitted.

Well.. yeah, that was true. He was. He did… trap people. Still he sort of liked it.

“And… freedom… that’s not… that doesn’t quite work.”

“Can you fly?”

“What?”

“I’ve always wondered.”

“Well… sort of…” Jon frowned thinking about it now himself. “I just... Fall. Or sometimes I float? It depends.”

“I don’t need to breathe much either,” Martin said. “I mean… not a lot of air under the dirt.”

“Sounds cozy.”

“It isn’t.”

“No. I guess it wouldn’t be.”

“I like it though… even though I still… I’m afraid it will swallow me, there would be nothing worse than that, but I still… It feels so right to be buried.”

“The buried. That works better.”

“Huh? Oh--...yeah… no I think you’re right. The Buried. You were going to tell me the other ones.”

“The Buried then, and the limitless?”

“The Vast,” Martin suggested somewhat dreamily. The stars made him feel poetic… Jon didn’t seem the type for poetry though.

“I… yes.” Jon agreed. “The Vast. And then there’s Fire, or maybe Malicious Cruelty. There’s more than one of them. A whole cult.”

“Really?” Martin perked up. It had just been him so far. Jon had been the closest and they were opposites on this … spectrum. Even Jon said he had met others like him, although they didn’t group together.

“I think they can recruit, or perhaps they’re good at finding others like that. Maybe Cruelty is just common.”

Martin’s grip was probably bruising, but Jon didn’t try to pull away, still content wrapped up, slowly sinking into the roof’s concrete.

“Did … the old man try to recruit you to a cult?” Martin asked.

“No. Only gave me a black credit card and free rein. There’s so much space for all of us to cover. That’s probably how we like it. He was… old though… not just his face but… something about him.” Jon shook his head. “I’m not really sure. The Watchers seem to group together too, although I’m not sure if they’re even aware of it.”

“Watchers?”

“Have you heard of the Magnus Institute?”

Martin snorted. “Wasn’t that a meme awhile ago?”

“They seem to have a lot of people that… watch others. In a … creepy way.”

“They have a … vibe?”

“Yes.”

“Watchers. Hm.”

“The Puppets. They’re…” Jon shuddered. “I met one and I was glad to be parted. I’m really not sure what they represent. Fear of clowns? Fear of the strange? One encounter and I can’t look at shop mannequins the same way again.”

“What happened?” Martin held his hand tightly.

“It said how wonderful it would be to wear my skin. I didn’t stay for the offer.”

Martin shivered. “Ugh. Moving on?”

“Disease, Pestilence, and Spiders. They overlap in some ways and don’t in others. Right now I’ve separated them. The Spiders I think are entirely different, but they have enough similarities with Pestilence. I think they’re about… control though. There’s the Kill. Animals, humans, mindless slaughter for meat. There’s… death. Unsurprising that it would have its own category.”

“It’s not with the Kill?”

“The kill is … fear of the violence of death. Death is the fear of the nothing that’s after… if that makes sense.”

“Yeah, a bit too much. I … thought of that sort of stuff a lot before… well…”

“Yes… so did I…”

“Two more?”

“The Lukas’”

“Oh… I know them.”

“Do you? I don’t know what they represent, but I know they’re something. I can never get close.”

“You shouldn’t.” He wanted to bury Jon in the dirt for protection, or in the concrete. Jon’s form wouldn’t allow it though. Martin’s legs were in, but Jon only made an impression like on wet beach sand.

“I won’t.” Jon promised. Or sounded like he promised. He was too quick to rush into things. Expose himself to danger. Maybe that was part of his nature.

“They feed off… loneliness.”

“The… entire family? That doesn’t seem…”

“Trust me.”

“Right… that’s… that is interesting though.”

“What’s the last one?” He wanted to stop talking about the scope outside their own. Those beyond deep earth and endless sky.

“Madness… or Deceit. That one is hard to pin down. If you ever notice doors that weren’t there before steer clear, it’s one of them. He’s--it’s? ...Pesky.”

Martin snorted. “Pesky?”

“I think it’s trying to be playful. I’d rather not be trapped in what’s behind the door.”

“Hm, maybe it’s one of my people?”

“I don’t think so. It’s… he doesn’t feel the same as you.”

“How do I feel to you?”

Martin expected the word clingy even as he tried to loosen his grip.

“Secure,” Jon said. “Stable. I feel like I’m rushing to meet the ground most of the time now. Exposed. With you I feel… safe? Perhaps that isn’t a word I should attribute to people like us… I’m sure you could do terrible things to me if you felt like it, but I just… I feel comfortable. I can catch my breath with you.”

“Oh,” Martin said softly. He had thought… that maybe he was being silly, or even defective...but Jon… “I… when I’m with you. I can breathe. I feel… sunkissed and… free.” He blushed, running his mouth with bad poetry wasn’t impressive. Jon was smiling anyway like it was, bless him.

Jon stood with massive effort, Martin and blankets and concrete holding him down. But light as air he managed and held a hand out. The stars were fading.

Martin let himself be pulled. He wanted to retreat into the dirt. He wanted to hold his arms out and feel the wind. Maybe the Buried and the Vast weren’t enemies. Just… opposites or… complementary fears? The grass is always greener? Dirt is always softer? No that wasn’t a metaphor…

Well, whatever, he liked spending time in Jon’s company.

“I could help… with your research if you wanted.” He didn’t mention not finishing school. They weren’t quite… there yet. Jon perked up though. Jon probably went to University. Not only that, Jon probably liked his time at University.

“You would do that?”

“If you want, and we could meet and… exchange information.” Martin suggested. “I mean. Not that we don’t meet now, but just… maybe more often?”

“Oh. Right. Yes. Like a--”

Don’t say date. Don’t say date. “Study group--”

“Date.”

They stared at one another. The dawn didn’t reveal Jon’s flush, but Martin sensed his embarrassment.

“Date,” Martin squeaked trying to sound like he agreed, but just managing to sound flustered himself.

“I--maybe I didn’t--”

“No! No! I mean--I would like. Yes. I would like to date you… is that allowed? Are there… rules about this sort of thing?”

“I think we can make our own rules. No one’s bothered to keep either of us informed.”

“No weird fire cults for us.”

“Right.” Jon nodded.

“Yay team…”

There was lots of space between them now. Maybe Jon had done that out of instinct. Maybe it was Martin’s own anxiety that even being a monster hadn’t fixed. Martin never thought of Monsters being scared of things, but apparently it was what fueled them. Go figure.

“Well I should… ah…” Jon gestured to the ledge. He had almost given Martin a heart attack the first time he had made his exit by stepping off a five story building without hesitation.

“Right… I… yep.”

Jon smiled at him awkwardly. Moved closer to escape.

“Jon? I… I had a good time.”

Jon’s flush was apparent now, the sun peaking up in the sky.

“Me too.” He mumbled and was gone.

Martin sunk into the cement of the building. Butterflies swarming his stomach. He needed to feel the deep compression. He would be cooler next time.

He took a deep breath though, before sinking all the way in, thinking of Jon’s smile. Jon’s flushed cheeks. Jon not pulling away.

Jon calling it a date.

A few seconds later the rooftop was empty. No one had used the door.

#jonmartin #tma #the magnus archives #fanfiction #martin blackwood #jonathan sims #just an excuse to write vastburied I think

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missstormcaller · 6 years ago

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BLEACH JET Artbook Talk Vol 2 - Translation (Q16-30)

ABOUT CREATION

Its distinct characters, selection of poetic dialogue and countless array of illustrations are all a grand attraction of "BLEACH". We reveal how they came to be born and close in on the secrets behind the creation process.

Q.16: How do you come up with the Kidō and Zanpakutō incantations?

Kubo: I just do somehow.

—— J: That you're able to just do it somehow, is nothing short of amazing. When it comes to the visual impact and sound, which angle do you prefer to tackle it from? Kubo: I guess both the sound and visual impact at the same time? Speaking of which, I haven't composed a Kidō incantation in a long time. —— J: They exist in a variety of categories, such as the explosive types, the binding types and so on. Where does your vision of their respective techniques come from? Kubo: I'm not at all sure. I wonder where the conception of my ideas originate from. There were certain things which took inspiration from song lyrics for example. —— J: They rhyme pretty good don't they? Kubo: I think I'm seeking to make people start wanting to repeat the words themselves. Or rather, I want people to feel a somewhat good vibe when they say it, like the seven-and-five syllable metre. That, I would say, is the case for given names or the names of techniques, pretty much everything. Furthermore, I have a feeling there were also things that took inspiration from the likes of mythology, "The Devil's Dictionary" and phraseology that appeared in books of that kind, but I honestly don't remember at all (laughs). —— J: Isn't Hirako supposed to release his Bankai in Narita's novel too? Kubo: Narita put forward a request, asking "may I get Hirako and Hisagi to release their Bankai?" and he followed up with "if it's okay with you, please tell me their names" to which I replied "I will think about it", I finally finished thinking about it just the other day. Though, as a matter of fact, I haven't relayed that information to him yet. —— J: I'm looking forward to it (laughs). Do you associate ideas from the impression of the character? Kubo: I draw out a great number of words by way of considering the abilities of the technique, the original Zanpakutō name and the character's image. After consulting with Narita about the establishment of Hisagi's Bankai, I said "perhaps this will do" and the direction I took became something like "bodies that are tethered together", consequently I began writing a list of all the words relating to "binding", "rope", "chains" and "prisoner". By establishing a successful link among all of that, it becomes a matter of combining the words and such…. —— J: So then, your process begins with the task of expanding a list of vocabulary first and foremost. Kubo: That's right. —— J: Which character's Bankai name caused you the most struggle to devise? Kubo: This time, Hirako and Hisagi are probably up there in first place (laughs). Hisagi might have taken the most time. —— J: Apart from that, did you contrive ideas from the image of characters like Ichigo and Byakuya? Kubo: I had no troubles at all when it came to that case. Ichigo's Tensa Zangetsu is taken from part of a name of a monster I was thinking about drawing in another manga. —— J: Oh! When did that one-shot happen? Kubo: It's "Rune Master Urara" my debut one-shot for Jump magazine. For a period of time, I was having fun coming up with monsters that could appear in that work, it was a time where I had devised a many number of them, the name of this super strong monster-like enemy with the whole length of its body pitch black was "Tensa Jūzen", that's where I took the "Tensa" part from. —— J: The roots of Tensa originate from there huh. However, Tensa did not appear in "Rune Master Urara" right? Kubo: Yes. Well, it was the configuration of a character that I would draw in the event that the work got serialised beyond this point. The visuals for Dondochakka is also something I had devised around that time. In order to get serialised in jump, I went to around three meetings and, well, failed on all attempts, but in those course of events I produced up to three chapters worth of work and showed it to Asada san who was my editor in those days. I presented Dondochakka's character visuals in several patterns of the second or third chapter which I had submitted, but Asada told me "don't make such a scary-looking guy the ally"…. I thought "you're kidding me, isn't he adorable?" but it was hopeless. Though, since I liked him so much I thought I'd try to use him for "BLEACH" (laughs). —— J: Are there other characters with this kind of case as well? Kubo: I only recalled that through our chat just now. Since I was not able to use the character in the other work, I'd say that's probably just about the only case. Also, with regard to Orihime, she puts her Shun Shun Rikka into operation by way of her hairpins doesn't she? Although this is also a matter from before "BLEACH" was serialised, Orihime's powers were at one point completely different to what they are now, there was one version in which she would sprout horns and a tail. Personally I thought this was cute as well, but I was told by Asada "the heroine can't look like this monster!" (Laughs) I'm relieved it was Shun Shun Rikka in the end though (laughs). —— J: Were any of the monster-like individuals of Hueco Mundo, like the Arrancar and Fracción, also based on rough drafts from around that time? Kubo: In that instance, I believe I just drew them more on the spur of the moment. —— J: Were there any complicated characters that made you feel something like "this character was not all that strong in the past, but since they're getting stronger, I have to start thinking about their Shikai or Bankai!" Kubo: I guess that would probably be Hisagi. I didn't think he would get that strong (laughs). —— J: Characters such as Byakuya give the impression that they were super strong from the very onset after all. Moreover, when you achieve Bankai, the fact is it remains imprinted in the history of Soul Society. Kubo: correct. It goes down in the records. —— J: I'd never have guessed that Hisagi would possess that much strength! Kubo: Hisagi doesn't really seem to be the calibre of some hotshot does he (laughs)? Although, that ill-suited impression about him is Hisagi's likeable side anyway. —— J: That pitiful aspect is the good thing about Hisagi isn't it? I mean, it's like you you just end up poking fun at him. Kubo: That's what I said even when Tōsen left, normally it would be just fine to promote the lieutenant to captain with the change in circumstances, but I thought "Hisagi and Izuru can't possibly be captains could they?", the pair really give the impression that they don't have what it takes. These two shine more as vice captains. That's why I created the forced post of "acting captain" and settled the matter there. Depending on one's viewpoint, Hisagi is kind of a hero-like character who has come to gradually develop as a result of all the various hardships that have befallen him. —— J: He is a hard worker isn't he? Though, even Hisagi would have been outstanding befitting of his talent when he first enlisted. Kubo: It's also neat how that is like the peak of his life. But on account of acquiring Bankai, I can say he has talent!

Q.17: I would love to know Sensei's process when he's thinking up characters! Although it might differ depending on the character, I wonder if 'the face suddenly springs to mind', or 'the outfit floats into your head', or if the 'name appears before you' etc….

Kubo: Since I just manage to draw my characters somehow or the other, it's not so much procedural…. —— J: Does "somehow or the other" mean that maybe you think to yourself "let's draw some guy who appears to give a certain air of strength", or "let's draw some guy who seems the type to deceive others?" Kubo: The idea is already in my head. Rather than thinking about it through the flow of the story, when I envision it, it's as if a substance like milk or mud begins to accumulate, something resembling a humanoid form floats around aimlessly within it, after I pluck it out, its image is gradually made clear, I think that's how it feels? —— J: That's pretty abstract! Kubo: By that point I would have more or less settled on things appearance-wise, with that frame of mind I then either compose it on paper as a rough draft or leave it floating in my head…. Aside from that, if any names come to mind I make a note of it, from among these rough drafts and notes I combine a set of ideas that makes me say "ah, this person will be the one to enter the stage this time", and finally I specify the role. —— J: So then, you compose the names and designs separately? Kubo: Yes, I think I quite often do things separately. —— J: So it's practically like how Ichigo was was searching around for his Zanpakutō through Ōetsu Nimaiya's training? Kubo: If I had to make a comparison using "BLEACH", then I think that analogy is the closest you can get. Generally, when I think to reveal a new character, I already have just the right person in mind. The story as well the characters is something that comes from me, so there is an outline from the very beginning. —— J: A number of unpublished materials have appeared for the first time in this artbook, but basically a large quantity are rough sketches. You would very often draw it and then put it aside for the time being. Does this mean there are hundreds of blueprints for characters dimly occupying a space in the back of your head?

Kubo: That's true, they have been there for some time now. When I put forward new characters, it's almost like taking that vision out of my head and making a clean copy. However, sometimes I don't have time and can't make the appropriate adjustments, so their faces start changing gradually in the manga (laughs). In that sort of sense, I have never been troubled by things such as the storytelling, or scenes that establish new characters. —— J: Are there any characters who, for instance, you had actually planned to put out on the Shinigami side, but ended up being revealed on the Arrancar side instead? Kubo: There is no character whose blueprint has changed to that degree. —— J: On the same subject, which character would you say came to be revealed in the most underdeveloped state and changed at a later stage? Kubo: I think the character who underwent the most change in terms of appearance, is Ulquiorra. When Ulquiorra made his first appearance, he had quite a different face. The personal image of him which existed in my head didn't change during the the creative process, but later when I looked back on my work I thought "his face looks a lot different huh?" —— J: I see. Kubo: In some cases, when an idea for a character appears in my head, their looks, personalities and sometimes even as far their colouring are all decided then and there, as for other characters those things are gradually decided upon. —— J: Do you feel the volume of these characters increased day after day? Kubo: It's not that they were created on a continuous basis, but rather in waves. Sometimes I produce five or six characters in the space of an hour or so, and sometimes it seems I produce none at all for days or even months. Therefore, the characters multiply either when I'm in the zone or when it's absolutely necessary to create them. —— J: From the considerable number of characters that appear in "BLEACH", I'd say the state of 'being in the zone' can't last forever, even if you can yield five characters in an hour. Kubo: And this is after a great number of cuts have been made too. These were unreleased characters that I felt, did not suit the universe of "BLEACH". Then there's the unreleased characters that have the right aura which I am able to present in "BLEACH", but I am not sure which part of the story I should apply them to. —— J: Are they characters which were not even suitable as Shinigami, Arrancar or Quincy? Kubo: I make a rough decision on the location and scene before I start designing them as either Shinigami, Arrancar or Quincy, but then there are some individuals that make me think something like "There's no panels to spare to introduce this guy to story. What role would he have played?" So, perhaps by some chance they will make an appearance if the timing is right when I draw something? —— J: That is certainly a treasure-trove you've been sitting on. Kubo: There's also the characters that make think something like "I wonder why this dude came to mind?" (Laughs) Q.18: The unique names which belong to the characters of "BLEACH" are impressive, but how do you come up with these names? Kubo: Even when I think about character names, I consider the sense of sound. The example I often cite is Hitsugaya Tōshirō, because it needed to give a cool impression, I thought a name that begins with letters either in the "sa column" or "ha column" would be perfect. I feel those sounds come across most smoothly. That reminds me, I believe Hitsugaya had a completely different name belonging to the "sa column" right up until the last minute. —— J: I'm curious about the name which got rejected. Kubo: The fact that I had forgotten about it, likely means it wasn't a good name to begin with. In addition, I consciously try to avoid names from the "ma column" because it doesn't sound cool. —— J: I get the impression that you take a great deal of care in the way you use consonants. Bambietta Basterbine for instance is all B-B-B. Kubo: That's right (laughs). —— J: The types that rhyme are nice as well, like Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez. Kubo: I'm often told that with regard to Grimmjow. —— J: It sounds cool, so it's a name that makes you start wanting to say it out loud.

Q.19: Regarding the characters' theme songs, I wonder how you visualise your characters to determine their songs through a piece of musical composition?

Kubo: When I'm planning and designing a character, a song that's familiar to me could start playing in my head and I think "that works a treat", in some instances when I'm drawing the scene in which the character first appears, a song that's playing in my head could naturally become their theme song.

Q.20: Are there any characters that received new theme songs around the time of the last chapter?

Kubo: Well, I've got nothing off the top my head. —— J: So the vision you decided on at the beginning, remains as unchanged as before? Kubo: Yes, that's true. Even if I had tried to listen around for a theme song once more, the one I chose in the beginning will always be the best suited.

Q.21: Each character has their own theme song, but do they also have their own fragrances to suit their image? I imagine it would be interesting if sensei did a collaboration with a perfume brand….

Kubo: I'm not all that familiar with perfumes, so please feel free to ask a perfume manufacturer instead (laughs).

Q.22: I'm curious to know if there are any characters who who radically transitioned away from your initial conception and setup, both during and before the series.

Kubo: Grimmjow is the one who underwent the biggest transformation. I get the feeling I've mentioned this elsewhere, but Grimmjow was initially set up to die before long, it was my plan to make him exit the stage as the story progressed, however when it came to the crunch I began drawing, and by the time I had finished drawing that week, I had already felt it was a waste to kill him off. I thought "this guy is too good", so when I informed my editor at the time that "I changed my mind, I'm going to abandon the idea to kill him off", he told me "to be honest, I also thought it would be a waste to let him die", this is a conversation I remember quite well. —— J: It certainly seems as if the side to him which is wilfully arrogant and confrontational would mark him out as an easily defeated character, however out of that, components like revenge and fate were affiliated with him and thus he became a great character.

Q.23: I would like for sensei to tell us if he is particular about anything when he's drawing female characters!

Kubo: I, don't think I'm good at drawing females. —— J: There's no way that's true…(laughs)! Kubo: For that reason, I'm not very particular about it. If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say "I hope they look soft" and that's about it. When the series first commenced my lines were rigid, and I should say I was fairly annoyed by that….That's why I want to draw my lines softer for females. —— J: Noel's thighs in "BURN THE WITCH" when she was riding her broom, as well as the straps of her holster biting into her skin, that appeared to be most supreme level of soft (laughs). Kubo: Well, I'm glad to hear that (laughs). As a matter of fact, I even came to like big boobs because I was attempting to draw bodies with a softer look. —— J: So you came to like them while challenging yourself to draw a soft look. Kubo: Originally, around the time I was still a student, I liked small boobs better since they were easier to draw. —— J: That would apply to Rukia too. Kubo: But then I thought to myself "man I really suck at drawing a big bust", so when I was drawing "ZOMBIEPOWDER" I firmly decided that "I want to get good at drawing a big bust", once I had observed a sufficient number of big boobs in the hopes of drawing lots of them, I gradually came to like it. —— J: (laughs) Kubo: I won't be able to draw them better unless I like them after all. Since I grew to like them, I think it became possible to draw voluptuous figures with a more racy look. —— J: That is glorious (laughs). I remember quite clearly, some time ago, it was said that Kawashita Mizuki sensei is an artist Kubo sensei considers skilled at drawing. Kubo: That's true, it goes without saying that she is skilled, I am fascinated by those who can draw things which in my opinion I wouldn't be able to draw for myself. I can't do line art like Kawashita sensei.

Q.24: When Kubo sensei paints in his colours, does he use Copic markers? Or a graphics tablet?

Kubo: Copic markers. —— J: What about digital painting? Kubo: I can't do digital at all. In the past, there was a period between "ZOMBIEPOWDER" and the serialisation of "BLEACH", I used to challenge myself when I had the time, however I found that I couldn't draw at all like that. I thought "this is hopeless." —— J: You had tentatively challenged yourself right? But these days there are drawing programs like "Jump PAINT". Kubo: It's an app isn't it? These tools are becoming a lot more user-friendly huh. After all, back in those days there was nothing but the likes of "Photoshop" and "Painter". —— J: Nowadays, fellow manga artists will meet up and draw illustrations with their iPads on the spot. Kubo: They meet up and exchange drawings? —— J: They all jointly contribute by setting themes for each other, then start drawing something with their Apple Pencils, apparently these gatherings are really exciting. Kubo: I recently purchased an Apple Pencil. I tried using it, only to find that I was totally incapable of drawing on it . When Jigoku No Misawa and his wife (Matsubara Makoto) last came to visit, Makoto san tinkered around with the Apple Pencil for a little while even though she couldn't draw, she was telling me "if you play around with this thing here then this will happen, you follow?"…. Then it got to the point where I was able to draw on it (laughs). It appears that I'm just useless with devices. I think it would probably be a lot fun if it reached a point where it's more accessible for me though. —— J: When you're drawing on an iPad, you're drawing on glass, so the sensation of drawing on paper isn't the sensation being transmitted to your hand. Although, it appears that recently they started selling screen protectors which make you feel like you're drawing on paper. Kubo: I would be able to draw with something that feels like an actual pencil, that's insane don't you think!? Well, I'm slowly running out of reasons not to work digitally (laughs). But, the biggest reason is that my eyes tire. That's why I wear glasses that cut off blue light when I play video games. I would have to wear those glasses the whole time when it comes to drawing digitally right? Given that it would end up altering my perception of colours, on second thought, I feel it would be too difficult to work with digital as my main art medium.

Q.25: Please tell us the approximate duration of time it takes to go from rough draft to one page of a manuscript. I also draw manga and illustrations so I'm very interesting to know. I'm looking forward to your response!

Kubo: In my case, my storyboards become my rough drafts as it stands, so it's a question of how I should go about calculating time. If we're speaking with regard to the time it takes for the drawing process, it depends on what's on the page itself after all. And considering the fact that I was getting through fifteen pages a day during the series…. —— J: Is the duration of that time used for inking your sketches? Kubo: Yes. At my slowest I spent 8 hours for fifteen pages. Therefore, it would be roughly 30 minutes for one page. —— J: That's insanely fast (laughs). Kubo: However, midway through the series, I felt it was a detriment to my health, so I asked if I could have the number of my pages decreased. That made things much easier. From there I worked through thirteen pages a day. I would spend a day and a half inking my sketches, but I would always reserve just four pages for the other 'half'. Somehow I manage, or to be more precise it may be down to the fact that I am forced to finish with great momentum if there are four pages remaining. —— J: Do you prefer to compose your pages in a sequential order? Kubo: Yes, I feel more excited about it that way. I too want to get charged up along with the climax of the story in my manga (laughs). If I first start drawing a scene that takes place after the end of the climax, I don't get excited for some reason. As a result, when the distribution of my pages is poor, I'll end up continuing with the scene thinking "this is wearing me out", but then my thoughts become something like "if I can overcome this, I'll be able to draw some great faces!" I did my page distribution chronologically in order enjoy the drawing process. —— J: It's an intuitive method but makes sense nonetheless.

Q.26: What do you do when you're at an impasse with regard to material for the story? In addition, please tell us what you place the greatest importance on when drawing manga.

Kubo: Whilst drawing I'm already thinking about the next chapter, so I don't really find myself at an impasse much when it comes to material. During the series, I would construct my storyboards in accordance with the course of events, then I would start inking and at the same time would have devised the following chapter. —— J: Some illustrations are for coloured title pages, some are almost a kind of continuation of the story, and others are poster illustrations that have no relation to the story at all. How do you decide which one of these to do when you're drawing your storyboards? Kubo: On the occasions I get to create coloured title pages, I bear it in mind when I think "this is the sort of painting style I want to do next", and by the time I get around to making a coloured illustration I feel like I can compose any one of those things. Whenever I didn't have the luxury of time, I would search for painting techniques in a short span of time (laughs). —— J: This Gremmy illustration (JET volume 1, p.277) exudes quite a malevolent atmosphere, but is this the painting style you were attempting to go for? Kubo: I think I wanted to go for a creepy feel, I painted it using a brush and my fingers. —— J: So you start by having some idea of a painting style. Kubo: Well, I think that applies to pretty much everyone (laughs). —— J: By the way, roughly how long does it take for you to think about the composition of each arc in "BLEACH"? Kubo: It's more or less determined at the introduction of the arc. Around halfway through the Arrancar arc, I participated in a stage event at Jump Festa, there I was asked "how much longer will 'BLEACH' continue?" I said "I will draw two more arcs and then it's complete." So, setting aside the length of the story, at that point in time, I would have been deciding the endings five chapters into the arcs. —— J: I see…. So then, I wonder what you place great importance on in terms of drawing manga? Kubo: What comes to mind when asked about an area I place great importance on, or rather, an area I'm 'particular' about, is how to lay down the foreshadowing. I compose the foreshadowing element by dividing it into stages, but since this element in itself is explained in the novelisations through text, I won't talk about the 'stages' here. Nevertheless, I believe the things you discover on the first reading are not foreshadowing to begin with but rather an ice breaker, or to be more precise something like a freebie I give away to readers that says "please anticipate things to come from these depictions in the near future!" After the big reveal you go back to read it again at which point you're able to say "so this was foreshadowed!?" Now that in my opinion, is foreshadowing. There are two reasons for this, one, I like thriller movies, though do you sometimes have predictions that you've made midway through those thrillers, I mean ones that completely hit the mark by the conclusion? —— J: It happens every once in a while. Kubo: I hate that, I think to myself "if it's supposed to be foreshadowing, then keep the reveal hidden properly!" and "surprise me with the reveal why don't you!" (laughs), second, I think a great amusement of the manga or rather the storytelling, is that after enjoying the main story you get to debate with friends that it's "neither this way, nor that." —— J: Indeed it is exciting to exchange differences in interpretation with friends. Kubo: If those debates are the most exciting part, then I hope when people discover new bits of foreshadowing after looking back on works they've grown to love, that they get to experience an indescribable feeling in the moment they made that discovery. I think "BLEACH" could also be one of these much loved works, so I wanted to set it up in a way where each time one would reread the story there would be a new discovery, and then a sense of joy which can only be savoured by those who have reread the story many times over.

Q.27: On the inside cover of volume 27, sensei talked about packaging [of an iPod] and book jackets, but in truth the paperback volumes of "BLEACH" already had a reputation for its exceedingly cool look. Is there an aspect you are particular about in your design and style choices even now? I would like for sensei to comment on attaining strong aesthetic preferences.

Kubo: I like design in itself, so although It's not the case that I'm particularly conscious of it, I'm always picky about it nonetheless. After creating the original format for "BLEACH" paperbacks, I was thinking to use the same one until the very end, therefore you will only find minor changes throughout. So when it came time to publish volume 1, I thought "I want to give it an aesthetic that's different from other comics." This means things like all the front page poems, and drawing the huge volume titles on the front cover. Even though I would buy Jump Comics all the time, I never realised there was volume titles, when I was asked "what would you like to do for the volume title?" by Jump Comics editorial staff, I thought "why doesn't anyone use volume titles in their design?", as a result I decided to use volume titles in my own. —— J: you have a point, it usually only appears in small lettering above the title of the work. Kubo: Exactly. I always think "what a terrible waste." If you don't make use of it design-wise, then contrary to expectations, the presence of the volume title will end up interfering with the cover art won't it? —— J: Even the designers among these questions have reputed "BLEACH" to have an aesthetic that's different from other comics.

Q.28: Within the story of "BLEACH", I believe there was a many number of instances where you depicted members of the cast in a heroic last stand or momentarily on the verge of death, but what are you conscious of within yourself when expressing a character's 'death'? Is there anything you pay extra attention to?

Kubo: It's the timing. It's either something like "this is still not the right place to kill him off" or "it's ideal for this character to be killed off here." It's not a question of luck as far as the characters are concerned, but rather a question of whether or not it goes along with their characteristics. The side that survives is certain to have good fortune after all. I reckon the scene where Ulquiorra fades away also matches his nature. —— J: Is there any character who ended up dead even though you hadn't originally planned to do so? Kubo: Not off the top of my head, I think not. It's the same for the reverse too. Grimmjow is pretty much the only exception. Grimmjow originally lived as long as he did because I didn't come up with his death scene, but I think he would be dead if I had decided as far ahead as that death scene. I would probably be thinking "this way of dying is the coolest!" and because of that, I think I would have killed him off since I want there to be a cool aspect in my depictions. Although my depictions can give the impression that 'this person looks to be on the point of death here', my thinking is "I still want to make this character do so-and-so after this" and I don't let them die. —— J: Izuru was still alive with pipes attached to the hole in his chest after all. Kubo: About that, after thinking "there are gaps in the hole on Izuru's chest, if the moon could be seen through there, that would be super cool!" I really wanted to draw that. When he was revived in a zombie-like state, the staging of the scene where the moon was visible, is to make it appear as if the moon was actually in Izuru's possession. For that alone I put him on the verge of death for a time and then let him survive. —— J: So from a choreography viewpoint, there are times you like to think outside the box for characters that are made to survive. Kubo: Given that I'm fairly passionate about choreography, there's something about it that makes me go like "I want to draw this scene, let's do it!" —— J: By the way on the topic of Izuru, 10 years later is he still alive? Kubo: I suppose he's ‘alive’. Which reminds me, I didn't draw Izuru 10 years later…. He would be too pitiful if he was dead, so I consider him alive (laughs).

Q.29: Compared to when the series first began 15 years ago, what is the thing that underwent the biggest change?

Kubo: The biggest change in terms of the work, is my art style!

Q.30: I was surprised by the fact that two characters appeared on the final volume cover only. On LINELive, voice actor Morita san said "it is a truly fitting illustration for the last volume", I also thought indeed that is true. That the two individuals from the beginning of the story would bring it to a close, is very typical of "BLEACH" I think. What sort of thoughts did Kubo sensei have after drawing Ichigo and Rukia for the final volume cover?

Kubo: The story originally began with these two, so I thought I should try to end it with these two as well. Since I already knew how many volumes the final stages of the series would end with, I began assigning "this character to appear on the cover with this volume…", I could draw characters who were not able to appear on the front cover for a while, such as Uryū and Renji, but I wondered if I could put Ichigo and Rukia together on the final one. Given that it's been a single person per cover the whole time, I then grew to wonder if it would also exude a special feeling if I put the two individuals on the last cover alone. Those two are the faces that represent "BLEACH" after all. "BLEACH" didn't start with just Ichigo, neither did it start with just Rukia.

Translator’s notes:

“The Devil’s Dictionary” by Ambrose Bierce

The "ha" and “sa” columns refer to part of the Japanese syllabary table

Quote from BLEACH volume 27 “I bought an iPod the other day. [...] The best part was the packaging, I couldn’t bring myself to throw away the acrylic case my iPod came in even though i have no use for it. I hope someday I could create a bokk jacket so good that no one can throw it away.” Tite Kubo.

#BLEACH JET #BLEACH #JET ARTBOOK #mytranslationtag #ichigo kurosaki #Rukia Kuchiki #Tite Kubo #interview #Hirako Shinji #Hisagi Shuuhei #Orihime Inoue #tensa zangetsu #Ulquiorra Cifer #Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez #Gremmy #kira izuru #Toshiro Hitsugaya #renji abarai #ishida uryuu

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kucigloss · 5 years ago

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TOP 10 albums of the decade

Hello folks!

The year is coming to a close, and I felt it necessary to share my top 10 favorite albums of the decade. It was so hard to narrow it down to only 10 but ultimately, I went with the albums that stuck with me the most during the most formative years of my life. I’m excited to see what my 20s will be like, soundtracked by new music of the 2020s. Let me know what your favorites were!

beach house - depression cherry (2015)

This album made my xx-loving, emo/indie girl lifestyle feel so validated. Beach House songs tend to have a certain air of nostalgia, melancholy and hopefulness, but the airy, unique tracks on Depression Cherry are in an emotional universe of its own.

Faves: 10:37, Space Song, PPP

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the garden – haha (2015)

The Garden was my favorite band for the first half of high school. Every single album they put out creates a new ethos, with the Shears twins’ method acting supporting it all the way through. The Vada Vada universe was made whole when haha came out (I'm also probably biased because I was at their album release show lol). This is one of their most defining albums as an act that is constantly breaking molds and standards. Although that sounds contradictory, haha truly set the Garden apart as a band slightly outside of the “Burger Records” scene forming around that time, materializing the Vada Vada aesthetic into our dimension.

Faves: This House Can Build a Home, Crystal Clear, Gift

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death grips – the money store (2012)

Death Grips was my favorite band for the second half of high school. MC ride's gritty vocals/screaming paired with Andy and Zach's tight musicianship has been what makes death grips so powerful, album after album. This release in particular employs a more synthy-electronic vibe to its tracks, which may make it more accessible, but also more unique among their discography.

Faves: Hustle Bones, Hacker, The Fever (Aye Aye)

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US Girls - in a poem unlimited (2018)

Every track on this album makes me want to dance. The sensual vocals over the vintage-tinged instrumentals make US Girls a go-to for me. Some tracks go super hard while others are more sensitive; but either track you choose to listen to will make you feel like a badass.

Faves: M.A.H., Incidental Boogie, L-Over

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japanese breakfast - soft sounds from another planet (2017)

This beautiful and heartfelt album takes me back to my early college days, when I first started up at KUCI! Michelle Zauner’s emotional traumas are exposed in her first release Psychopomp, which was meant to be her only album. After some growth and learning, though, this album was created and showcases an evolution; it explores the same themes of mortality, fame, and love through a more mature angle, without compromising her child-like raw emotionalism.

Faves: Diving Woman, Road Head, Machinist, Boyish

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parquet courts - wide awake! (2018)

Political, poetic and emotional, Wide Awake! is a study of masculinity, relationships, and war in a weirdly fluorescent light (their album cover is the most fitting one I've ever seen). Andrew Savage is just a genuine dude with a shy aloofness that makes his scream signing all the more endearing. They use cowbells and talk about Alan Turing-- what else could I ask for?

Faves: Before the Water Gets Too High, Almost Had to Start a Fight/In and Out of Patience, Normalisation, Wide Awake

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french vanilla - french vanilla (2017)

This album changed my mind about riot grrl. Although their music is a bit more organized, almost neurotically, and much more instrumentally formal, French Vanilla takes the wailing vocals and angry lyrics the riot grrl genre was partly known for and made a beast of it's own. I love them.

Faves: Honesty, Carrie, Evolution Heavy Handed

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little dragon - ritual union (2011)

Little Dragon was one of those bands along with Crystal Castles, Blonde Redhead and others, that were the foundation of my music taste during the formative years of my life. I can’t explain more about the album without spoiling it; it’s just a lovely journey to take.

Faves: Little Man, Brush the Heat, Shuffle a Dream, Crystalfilm

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khruangbin - the universe smiles upon you (2015)

Call it easy listening for hipsters if you want, but Khruangbin is one of the few bands I know where I can truthfully say I like every single track they put out. Their energy is infectious and seeing them live changed me for the better!

Faves: Dern Kala, White Gloves People Everywhere (Still Alive)

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mitski - bury me at makeout creek (2014)

Although Retired from Sad, New Career in Business holds a very special place in my heart, Mitski's junior release, Bury Me at Makeout Creek, is one of Mitski's most powerful and vulnerable albums. Her exploration of genre, sound, and identity are tangible, though admittedly not as much as her art school debut, Lush. Every track still experiments with poetry and taps into a new wound, but she sounds more confident in herself this time around. Where her sophomore album was a piano-ridden set of ballads, this album is much heavier with bass-heavy love songs, leaving listeners with a distinctly different taste in their mouths. Her Joni Mitchell-esque mania makes me cry and dance just the right amount. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

Faves: Townie, First Love/Late Spring, Francis Forever, I Dont Smoke, Drunk Walk Home, Last Words of a Shooting Star... so like all of them (oh and Class of 2013 from Retired from Sad belongs here too, same energy)

___

honorable mentions:

show me the body - body war (2016) I officially became a cool e-kid when I went to my first show me the body show. Their new album is great too, but this ones a classic. (Listen to Tight SWAT when you’re angry, or not angry enough).

autolux – PUSSY’S DEAD (2016) This genre-defying album was the soundtrack to the end of my high school career. Every moody lyric and punchy drum beat had me feeling like Bella Swan in the second half of Twilight.

sasami – SASAMI (2019) I'm so very moved by every heart wrenching song on this album. That’s all.

Kadhja Bonet - Childqueen (2018) Beautiful neo-soul with a classic edge.

MGMT – Little Dark Age (2018) One of the best comeback albums ever.

Anderson .Paak – all of his releases He was my top artist of 2019, whoops.

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withallthingslove · 6 years ago

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Captain Marvel Spoiler Filled Review

A completely chaotic “review” that is just my random thoughts

spoilers under the cut

- i saw this movie with three of my close friends (one who is a dude and lifelong comic fan, and then two girls who are hella feminist) so I will include some of their reactions as well just to give an idea of what it was like for different people

- right out of the gate the Marvel intro montage is all Stan Lee. It was very heartfelt and the entire theater clapped. That pretty much set the mood for the entire movie

- I know a lot of critics found the beginning to be slow, and while I agree I didn’t mind it. One of my friends said she thought the beginning was a little too jumbled and she described it as “it’s like the directors learned how to direct as the movie went on”.

- The movie opens with Carol (at this point called Vers) having a confusing nightmare and trying to decipher it afterwards with little help from those around her. Because Carol has amnesia, the audience is left to feel what she feels which is confusion. I get what the directors were going for, but it was a little jumbled.

- I did find the dream sequence effective and did feel Carol’s confusion and fear when she woke up.

- She goes to her mentor yon-rogg and asks if he wants to practice fighting. They banter, and it becomes immediately clear to the audience that although Carol is confused they have a rapport with each other and she trusts him. Although he teases her, he *appears* to care for her. During the fighting scene there is more banter, but yon-rogg also tells Carol to control her emotions better. I know there were a lot of complaints from fuckboys about brie larson being stoned faced, but it makes sense for the character. She has emotions, and then is told to suppress them.

- it was satisfying to see her zap him with her powers anyway, and the whole “don’t show emotion” garbage he was telling her reminded me of like every female experience ever and first clued me in on yon-rogg’s shadiness

- On the train ride back from fighting, carol and yon-rogg have very flirty banter and eye contact and i was like ohhhhhhhh and interpreted it that they were a thing. I’m not sure if this was on purpose, but jude law and brie larson had great chemistry (brie had chemistry with everyone though tbh) and it was very hard to ignore. Plus they’re both hot. I leaned over to my friends and asked “they’re a thing right?” and they said “yes I thought so too” and “i think it’s implied”

- When Carol gets sent to the artificial intelligence place to be approved for her first mission I did find that scene pretty confusing and jumbled

- The mission itself was very dimly lit which made it a little confusing to understand/see what exactly was happening

- But it was cool to see Korath from GOTG. One thing this movie did really well was tying into other MCU movies and connecting everything. This movie definitely feels fresh compared to other origin stories but also fits in the the universe and makes it feel more complete

- When Carol was captured and her memories explored, ben mendolsohn’s voice came on as a voice over for talos and I leaned over to my guy friend and went “i fucking love ben mendolsohn” because ITS TRUE. His voice is so recognizable and then even underneath the skrull make up his acting was so distinct

- The memory exploration scene was jumbled like the nightmare, and it made me wish that we got more of carol’s human life backstory. I got the vibe that those scenes would have been better if they were fleshed out more instead of just little tidbits for the audience. that was one of my biggest complaints for the movie is the order the flashbacks appear and how little there were

- Carol screaming at one of the skrulls as she escapes was super funny and showed a lot of her personality. I think it separates her from a lot of heroes because most are nervous as they are trying to escape but she seemed confident in her powers and her ability and therefore could joke around a bit more

- The story definitely picked up once she crash landed on earth, and the 90s nostalgia was very funny and all of those jokes landed with the audience

-Samuel l jackson did a great job as a young fury. This fury is different. He’s much more idealistic and optimistic about the world, and functions more as a good cop than the fury we see in other mcu movies. It was also cool to see coulson again

- I really really enjoyed the scene when carol is able to make contact with the rest of the kree warriors the first time from the phone booth. Even though I got a bad vibe from yon-rogg I did get the feeling that he genuinely cared for carol’s safety. By the end of the movie my opinion about that was conflicted but I think that scene did a good job of showing that she was with them for 6 years which is a long time and why it took her so long to process everything that happened later because it countered everything she knew. It also did a really good job of showing that when she first landed on earth, she still was more kree than human. Her report back was very matter of fact compared to her later contact with them.

- Brie larson and samuel l jackson had GREATTT buddy cop comedy chemistry

- The train chase was very fun to watch, and like the trailer it was very satisfying to see Carol punch the “old lady”

- the scene where fury and talos (disguised as a SHIELD agent) look to see if the dead skrull has a penis got A LOT of laughs

- There’s a scene where Carol is standing outside trying to figure out her next move and this motorcycle dude pulls up and revs the motorcycle and tells her to smile. She just glared at him and then stole his motorcycle and it was ICONIC

- Again I really really really love the dynamic between Carol and Fury

- the second phone call when Carol makes contact with the Krees shows her more human side coming out. Brie Larson is great at showing emotion and as she was starting to put the pieces together everything was making more sense and less sense at the same time and you could feel her confusion and panic that something was off.

- Ben Mendolsohn is a gem and needs to be protected pass it on

- I LOVEDDDDD the moment when Coulson let Carol and Fury go without ratting them out just proving once again that he is one of the best and while i love loki i also hate him for killing him because coulson is too good for this world

- Things got really good when Fury and Carol went to Maria because I STAN FEMALE FRIENDSHIP SO HARD. From the first look they had so much depth and Maria played a huge part of helping Carol understand who she was.

- Also go Maria for being a badass pilot and single mom and amazing best friend

- MONICA IS THE BEST OMG. Her line to her mom about setting an example for her was A++++++

- Goose the cat was also great the only thing I’ll say about this is that Goose is a scene stealer. I don’t want to give the spoilers for Goose away because while predictable they are things I wouldn’t want to spoil for anyone

- I loved the subtle nods at gender inequality

- While the “twist” of Talos and the skrulls being good was predictable it was still very enjoyable. The predictability of it did not take anything away from it. There were references to how other planets treat refugees and Ben Mendolsohn did a great job with the pathos required for the role

- He also did an A+ job with the humor which I won’t give away because those lines are worth hearing fresh

- I think yon-rogg ‘s shadiness at the beginning is what tipped me off to the twist that he is the true villain of the story.

- Again, the movie’s flashback scenes felt like they should be my favorite part and filled with drama and be the emotional backbone, but they just didn’t get there. It took so much effort to decipher them that you didn’t really get to sit back and process the emotional weight of them. So when Carol ran out crying once her memories returned while I thought the acting between her and Maria was great, the meaning of the conversation and hug did not have the full weight because the audience (or me) was still processing what we just learned

- Annette Bening is my mom. Also if there was ever a biopic on elizabeth warren she should play her. Also I don’t like that we didn’t get as much Mar-Vell and the reveal that she was helping the skrulls was very rushed and I feel should have had more of an emotional impact. Plus more about her relationship with carol

- Talos reuniting with his family was incredibly sweet

- It’s cool to see where exactly the tesseract ended up between CA: TFA and Avengers

- Okay.why.do.yon-rogg.and.carol.have.so.much.sexual.tension. I was worried it was just me and I looked at my friends and was just like wtf is this are they about to fuck? and we basically agreed that their sexual tension kept building throughout the final act of the movie and that they wanted to hate fuck. After one moment during the fighting it kept building my friend went “yep THIS IS CANON” because you guys I am not kidding like I don’t ship them because yon-rogg SUCKS but they had the best accidental chemistry of any co stars ever

- The scene where Carol breaks out of the restraints and realizes her full power was BADASS. I loved the flashback montage of her always getting back up again and embracing who she it. POETIC CINEMA

- Though I personally did not like the scene where she is fighting off the Kree on the ship.. . I just wasn’t a fan of the song choice and some of the lines were just cliche. It was nice to watch Carol smile with each hit as her power increased because she was enjoying it which is something we dont see a lot i feel like but the scene did not reach its full potential for me

- It was cool to see ronan and have the space marvel movie characters be tied in. And interesting that we saw ronan before he went “rogue” Again this movie did a great job connecting the dots to other marvel movies

- CAROL IS SO POWERFUL OH MY GOD THANOS IS GOING TO GET HIS ASS KICKED AND IT WAS SO SATISFYING TO SEE HER JOURNEY

- speaking of satisfying watching her tell yon-rogg she doesn’t need to prove him anything and then blasting him into a rock cured my depression

- again i dont really understand their relationship because there’s the sexual tension, the seemingly genuine caring on his side that is conflicted with his utter manipulation and lying (a very good example of how abusive/manipulative people often don’t come across that way)... the fact that she doesnt kill him? like girl kill him and be done. It was funny when she grabbed his hand and then just dragged him to his ship, but then when he told her he couldnt go back empty handed the way jude law delivered the line made it seem like he was confiding in her and there was this intimacy. And then she was just like “boy bye im ending this war and idgaf what happens to you” because shes a queen and is done with his lies

- The ending with Carol and Talos was cute

- The ending with Coulson and Fury made me want to cry and scream because the avengers theme song began to play and we see the beginning stages of the avengers initiative which just made me think about how we have one month till all the characters we love die and this franchise has meant so much to me over the years

- the mid credit scene continued that excitement and dread.

If I was ranking the movie as a critic, I would probably give it 65%. It was good, I was never bored, the performances were great. But it definitely should have been better. There were just some parts of it that were underwhelming or didn’t deliver the way they should. My guy friend said it was just okay and that it felt more like a tie in to endgame and less about captain marvel herself. My other friends agreed on the 65% from an objective opinion, but we all want to see it again.

As a hardcore marvel fan, I give the movie 75%. I loved the characters, the easter eggs, the acting, the way the movie felt like a new beginning for marvel while still tying into past movies. It was everything I love about this franchise

#captain marvel spoilers #captain marvel #carol danvers #maria rambeau #brie larson #yon-rogg #jude law #nick fury #samuel l jackson #marvel #mcu #annette bening #mine #avengers endgame

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maptoourescape · 7 years ago

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Hi I just wanted to say I love your blog and I love the way you display Tom's thoughts and mentality. I wanted to ask what do you think about this whole situation with Tom, is it hard to keep roleplaying him and to reenact his thoughts when he has been acting so unusual lately? Do you think he is happy? Keep up the great work! ^^

INTRO &DISCLAIMERNow what I am going to tell you is obviously just how I see the situationpersonally. This might not be the representation of reality whatsoever, eventhough I’d like to think I’m a good judge of character. I don’t know thesepeople. They are, by all means, strangers to me as I am to them. But I DIDhappen to grow up with them, observe them through years of footage, and seemany of their quirks in real life as well whenever I had a fortunateopportunity. Saying that, I feel like even though their stage personas (orwhatever you might call them) are “built strong” sometimes, you can still peekright through them if you have enough of a “people sense”.Look, most folks probably realize that Tom isn’t all that he gives out to be,but they don’t really think about it all TOO much. And honestly, I don’t either- it just comes naturally for me to psychologically evaluate people. And myevaluation of him is that he is full of unresolved issues.I don’t even mean that in a bad way, I really don’t. I just want all the bestfor him. But let’s just say that seeing how his life was up until now, thereare multiple factors that play out in his current “out of character” behavior. Toa certain extent, I can also relate to him in some regard. Similarly to him forexample, I too use a weird sort of humor to hide behind, almost as though it’smy shield, so none of what I’m saying is said in a judgmental manner. We all haveour own issues after all, and that doesn’t make us any lesser.BUT FIRST THING’S FIRSTTalking about humor, let’s just get straight into it, because we have to startsomewhere… Humor is a stress relief weapon by its poetic definition. In Tom’scase, it isn’t any different – only maybe he takes that a few steps further,still. More than just as a casual thing, his jokes are also being used to takethe edge away from what he considers to be serious and/or emotionally intangiblesituations. Why? Because Tom doesn’t appear to be someone who would like to“show his real self” to people in a situation he can’t properly evaluate,unless he knew for SURE they are to be trusted. In other words – he doesn’twant “the emotion that would be shown from him” to be used as a weapon againsthim later on, especially if he doesn’t know what kind of a reaction to expect from thecounterpart. “If you appear vulnerable, this same vulnerability is going to beused against you” is the mentality here – that’s a lesson of sorts that he’s probably learned how to incorporatein his daily life at a very young age already. So deflecting a lot of shit withhumor is basically an act of protecting himself. Same with his manly-manboasting, and all the confident penis commentary, which many people look at justsuperficially, saying that it’s trashy and/or annoying – even though what itreally turns out to be, in my opinion, is a (not all that uncommon) copingmechanism. So the next thing you’d ask would probably be “but what on earth is he copingwith then?” I guess it would be probably safer to ask what he isn’t coping withat this point, because we’re talking about a bunch of things here, all muddledtogether in one big ball of anxiety. Main things to highlight probably include a)fear of abandonment, b) some art of repressed self-consciousness, c) some weird(intrigue by and a fear having lack of?) dominance issue and etc. all the wayto the last letter of the alphabet.I’d say it all started in childhood with his father leaving and being, as faras we know, generally problematic (because honestly, that fucks us divorceekids all up, and it’s so internalized that we don’t even really realize ituntil it hits us in the face as adults, when we are suddenly facing multipledaddy issues all at once lol). Maybe even beforehand, depends on what sort of anupbringing the twins’ parents decided to give them. Then we have the general yearsof complete hell, also generally known as the school days, full of bullies and nasty youngadults with too much time on their hands. We all know the baseball bat stories –need I go into further detail? Then comes the growing up under the spotlight,of course – the unusual puberty they had to go through, as Gustav so nicely putit in the documentary – and being pushed into a harsh ass business at such ayoung age… just basically dealing with a bunch of stuff that kids usually haveno place dealing with, and maybe learning some lessons that normal people onlyget to really learn in their 20s or 30s. Namely how it is to be working with allthe wrong people, and probably having at least some sort of taste of a betrayalon a professional, working level etc.If there is one thing, one lesson that ties all of these separate life erastogether to make a nice whole, it’s one of how you have to be careful aroundpeople, and how forming trusting relationships isn’t a very simple task,whatsoever. Between parents leaving, peers bullying you, media shitting on youand the industry silently pulling their own strings behind your back – oh, andhave I mentioned stalkers and the literal walls they had to build around theirhouse in order to keep them at bay? which didn’t work anyway because their private space WAS invaded by gross people? – I guess you pretty damn quicklystart losing your naïveté. Or well, if not that, at least your trust in prettymuch anyone that hasn’t been with you since the very, very beginning.And then comes, obviously, the relationship he had with Ria.Now, again, everything I’m saying is based purely on my speculation from mereobservation. I don’t actually know any of the people they associate with either.But the vibe I got from his relationship with Ria was honestly… not that bad inthe beginning. I think that, at least at the start, she was really, really goodfor him. And that he got even more attached to her eventually, because she wasthere when he emotionally needed her most (read: the big move to the USA,stalker problems and lack of motivation to keep being in a band from all thepressure…). I also think that he kind of thought this relationship was really“it”, you know? As years went on though, just as any other relationship, theirsseemed to have become this sort of “routine” as well. And we all know that feeling, don’twe? If not from our own experience, then from some of our friends’ experiencesat least? The feeling when the stomach butterflies die down, and the initialeuphoria just settles into a still?My take on it is that he really, REALLY tried a LOT to make it work, even afterit sort of started “crumbing down” for whatever reason. I feel like he feltsuper comfortable with her BECAUSE they’ve been together for so long. Maybe itbecame a sort of a routine for him too, but it was one he definitely sought toupkeep. Tom didn’t want to let go of her. Because ruining what he had with herwould mean “having to find someone new”. And “having to find someone new” wouldmean “having to open up to someone again” – something that isn’t all that easyfor him to do, for the already before mentioned reasons.Pretty sure we all know about some infidelity speculations being rumored tohave been going down between them as well, especially from her side. Andhonestly, that would explain a thing or two about how his behavior has changedin the time ever since they’ve officially broken up. I obviously do not knowthe specifics, but I’ll be damned if I don’t realize it takes two in order toa) form a relationship, but also b) in order to not fix it if it goes south.Doubtlessly, none of the two was a complete saint. And doubtlessly they bothhave their own character flaws. But though dubious in its legitimacy, hersupposed infidelity really ties well with what’s happening right now, in thismoment. Just think about it… Yet another massive betrayal. Another one of themassive disappointments he experienced along his life’s journey. This onecoming from someone he perhaps even considered to be his (other) life partner.Only now that we got the mere basics down can I finally start bringing upShermine, and the point of this entire conversation anyway: his “change” asbrought up with his dynamic with Heidi. Because I really think that in order toproperly understand why I think this Klum relationship is toxic, you firstneeded my quick review of “the entire story”.BACK TO THE POINT AT HAND NOW I don’t think the Shermine relationship was honestly all that different fromthe one Tom has with Heidi now. I can’t claim to know the reasons why itprobably “didn’t all work out with Sher” (besides the obvious fact that thiswas never a relationship in its full meaning of the word, but rather just whatpeople usually call “an affair”), but it might have been them just beingseparated by where they lived and what not – or maybe also Shermine seeing howmuch of a “child” Tom really was in certain regards. It’s not like she was thisperfect example of maturity either, mind you, having to constantly post hintsabout how she’s together with him and what not, but at the end of the day, Isort of feel she got more tired of HIS bullshit than vice versa. And by “hisbullshit” (again, not meant to be judging) I mean this strange passivity that has been surrounding him recently (examples and explanations coming up). If someone on twitter now points out how “unlikeTom it is to let Heidi post on social media about him,” another person then instantlyyells out saying “why do you care, if he apparently doesn’t care anymoreeither!”And to me, it is exactly THAT that is the concerning factor anyway.People are, in a strange way, right when they shout “Tom doesn’t care aboutbeing public anymore!” but they don’t look deep enough into it to see theproblem behind it. Yes, it’s true – if Tom wouldn’t want to be posted on socialmedia, then his old enough, almost 29 year old ass could’ve just told Heidi to NOTfucking do it. So yeah, you know what? Most probably, he’s NOT stopping her.But him “not being bothered to go against it” doesn’t mean he’s automaticallyokay with it. Those two are not mutually exclusive. What I see in his behavior right now - that is also something that’s seemingly been there forever since he’s been hooking up with Shermine too - is mindlessness, carelessnessand a complete disregard for what he used to stand for in regards to his “morals”.May I note that I can also see he has this sort of complete disregard abouthimself floating around as well? He appears to be very passive, and seems asthough he really just isn’t putting any thought into… well, pretty muchanything he’s doing… like ANYTHING, whatsoever. And yes, I realize that “people can change,” and that Tom too could’ve just aseasily had a spiritual awakening, and was suddenly like “you know what, I’m NOTgonna stress about being on social media that much anymore, and I’m NOT goingto stress about being in the press…”. But the thing is – these sorts of thingsdon’t just happen overnight. Especially not with the life he’s been leading andhow much it’s been fucking him up along the way at times. You don’t go fromwanting complete privacy because of your own very legitimate paranoia, to goingto an Amfar Whatever Gala event in front of millions of press to out yourrelationship, just like he did. You don’t go from avoiding cameras as much ashumanly possible to vacantly stare at a paparazzi’s Canon in the distance inorder to see if it’s getting the right shot of you and your new so calledgirlfriend. This sort of mental change CAN obviously happen. But overtime, and usually– dare I suggest? – with therapy (which we are bringing back up later). By myinterpretation of how he is as a person though, I don’t think this “transition”was something that happened in an exactly healthy way. More than seeing Tom as “careless but happy,” (as people paint him out to be), Iright now see him as being “careless and confused”. Numb, even. Out of placeAnd “out of place” is a phrase to describe him best when it comes to how helooks like as soon as Heidi’s around.VAGUELY EXPLAINED CAMP EXPERIENCE INSERTI’ve been there on this Camp, and the way he reacted to literally everything –people, his surroundings, most everything you can imagine – changed bizarrelyas soon as he knew she was around. It’s almost like he was being nearbypetrified. I have no idea why either. One would think that if you’re datingHeidi Klum, you’d want to show her off or something. Or at least be ascomfortable with her as on (play pretend or not) all those paparazzi photos that keep popping up. Especiallywhen literally NONE of the campers really cared for her presence there, so it wasn’t like he was afraid for her wellbeing or whatever. So no, no psycho had the intention to attack her, literally no one cared, but Tom still just turned into this… anxious little mess?Mind you, when I saw her arrive, my mind was also still open. I was like, “ya knowwhat, all of their other family and friends are being so lovely – Georg’s gf who justjoined in on the activities, and Gustav’s wife too, just supporting her hubbyand speaking to the fans… maybe Heidi’s going to prove everyone wrong and bereally lovely”. But honestly, from the moment she entered the Camping grounds, you couldFEEL the atmosphere drop.Never mind the fact that she was having a stare-down with many fans (includingmyself) for no apparent reason, which I still do not understand… From where Iwas sitting, she was making it very damn obvious she wanted to just “geteveryone’s attention”. Her glares were basically daring us “to go spread theword that she arrived”, and when we wouldn’t care (because surprise surprise,we weren’t there for her, so obviously no one really cared?) she would stare atus even weirder. But as I said, that in itself isn’t all that important. What Ineed to convey is how insanely uncomfortable TOM appeared to be when she wasaround.(As a side note, I also feel like we all kinda expected a huge ass party to godown on the last day of Camp, seeing how on the previous few days, the guyswould kinda leave at latest 2 in the morning – which made sense, becauseeveryone knew they were gonna have responsibilities the next day. But literallynothing was planned for Monday morning, and I felt like everyone was superpumped about the guys finally having an opportunity to party with us reallylong and really proper. Only, you know, that never really happened. And I daresay it was mainly because of Klum.)I digress, at some point of the evening after the firework finale, the twins actually came tothe counter in order to hang out with people (after they’ve left to refresh first, leaving people confused as to if they were even returning), and I thought “Yay, maybe they’ve actually joined us again to party like everyone kinda expected, so that’s great!”. But no suchluck. It was there exactly - at the counter - where the difference of how Tomis without her around VS when she IS around became so prominent. Only a nightearlier, the guys would stay behind the counter for AGES, just interacting,taking pictures, drinking, having a good time… on Sunday, they weren’t therefor even 10 minutes, before leaving towards a backstage area of sorts. I sawher being at the counter for a while as well, with literally no one botheringher whatsoever, but she eventually disappeared, initially making me think “Oh, maybeshe’ll just mingle with people, go chat up Georg’s GF or something… maybe thisevening is actually gonna be bomb!”. But her leaving simply resulted in Tom REPEATEDLYpressing Bill into “going to the backstage area”.Tom looked NOTHING like the night before. He was TRYING to interact with somefans, but was mostly just looking really out of place. It happened on at least3 separate occasions in those short ten minutes, that he would poke Bill atevery opportunity he got, just to press him into going to the stage area. Hekept on elbowing Bill whenever the other would turn around to get somethingfrom the fridge, pointing to the stage, looking vaguely lost, not really payingproper attention to his surroundings. Bill was visibly giving hints that he “wantedto just stay for a while longer,” even going as far as showing Tom his drink asthough he were to say “lemme at least finish this first?” until Tom eventuallyprevailed and they actually decided to move to where she was – to the infamousbackstage area. Again, I thought that maybe they had plans on going on stage to the DJs again(seeing how they did that on the nights before), maybe give one last propergoodbye to people before mingling in the crowd some further. But that neverhappened. Honestly, thinking back on it, it was kind of bizarre to think theyjust huddled up in the little space behind the stage. They wouldn’t even pull acurtain to have some sort of privacy – if you went behind the stage, you couldliterally just see them interact there, being all secluded from the rest of thepeople. More secluded than on the previous day when it was raining cats anddogs but they STILL made the effort to just hang around with all of us! The situation lefta bitter taste in my mouth, because at that point I KNEW that if she wasn’tthere, the party would have been so insanely different, so insanely cool. Ifelt bad for Bill, who was just longingly looking onto the stage, taking videosof it – he gave off the vibe that we wanted to go party, but (for some bizarrereason) “couldn’t”. It felt as though hedecided he would rather stick to the out-of-place-looking Tom, which Ihonestly, at the end of the day, can’t really blame him for.Not even half an hour later, the golf carts arrived to pick them up, and that washonestly so strange to observe too. Not even once in the whole entire weekend did Ihave a feeling of them rushing anywhere. Whenever the boys would arrive orleave with the carts, whenever they’d change locations, they would always honkand scream around, letting everyone know what they were up to, shooting people with water pistols if in range even. But suddenly then, the golf cart had topark backwards towards the stage in order for them to “have a clear and quickstart”. There was no honking, no proper goodbyes we were used to from theearlier days. They just kinda… drove off. And I know for a damn FACT that itwouldn’t have been like that if it wouldn’t be for her. I wish this would just be me – that this would just be a plot of my own damnimagination. Because I WISH she wasn’t a cunt, for Tom’s sake obviously. But Ihave talked to a bunch of people, and they have all had their separateexperiences, most of which only furthermore confirmed how I see the situation. Factsare these: 1. Heidi was there for the obvious reason of getting our (thefans’), as well as the media’s attention. 2. She was acting all high andmighty, as well as really possessive (even jealous at some moments, which is sosuper bizarre to think about), and it wasn’t a good look. 3. And I don’t knowwhy EXACTLY, but as soon as she was around, Tom ALWAYS sort of froze on spot.Look, I don’t know, maybe he’s just intrigued by that sort of dynamic and getsoff on it, and just doesn’t want to publically admit that he “likes herdemanding demeanor”. But yo, even if that was the case – at the end of the day thatdoesn’t make the whole relationship any less toxic. OKAY, TO THE CORE NOWShe has subtle manipulation tactics down to the T. I can tell, because I knowhow to use those in my advantage as well. And you’ve probably had this happento you too, mostly without even realizing it. It comes to the surface in a waywhere some parents make their kids feel bad for “not cleaning up the dishes”for example. Instead of demanding “it gets done because otherwise they’ll beconsequences”, some choose the more toxic approach of emotional manipulation,saying things like “don’t worry, it’s fine, what’s another hour more to my nineto five working schedule anyway?” It’s in the way that one friend of yours says“oh okay” without a smiley face when you cancel on going out with them. It’swhen something comes out of people’s mouths, and the meaning is dubious.Something that is meant to make you walk the line between “but is it reallyokay?” and “I feel uncomfortable that you feel uncomfortable, so let me help”. Her entire presence just screams that demeanor,and I don’t doubt I’m right in this. She probably even pulled something like that in that counter scenario I was talking about too, going like “oh you go hang out with fans, I’ll just be there… having my drink…” The question now remains if Tom is oblivious to these attitudes or not.Honestly, both yes and no seem like a legitimate answer to me in this case.Neither of the twins seem to really be capable of a good “evaluation” when itcomes to perception in regards to human character. They’re not short inadmitting that themselves either, and said it numerous times that this is whysongs like “Never let you down” happened to exist in the first place. But italso makes sense if we again tie it with the fact that they had a puberty muchunlike ours is. Meeting people was always sort of arranged in their world, so gettingto know someone spontaneously isn’t really an experience that’s been followingthem ever since they were socially capable of “making their own friends”. Can’tsay that that’s a concept that’s completely alien to them, having lived in theUSA for so long now and what not, but we also can’t say they have as many experiences withit as someone who had a “normal lifestyle” either.I’d say Tom is intelligent enough to realize what’s going on, but simply toonumb to do anything about it. What’s more, maybe he even enjoys this sort ofdynamic.“But why,” you might ask “would anyone enjoy this sort of manipulative dynamic?”Honestly, I feel what he likes about it is that someone’s taking away hisresponsibilities to himself. It basically feels as though you’re giving the reins to your insides into the possession of someone else - someone who you feel can makethe most out of them when you obviously couldn’t. And even if they couldn’t exactly “makethe best out of it” – Tom’s been steering himself for too long, only torepeatedly be faced with complete disappointment on the roads he’s taken. It’snot like he cares what happens anymore, as long as he gets to feel at leastsomewhat at peace. So why not let someone else “take his life into their ownhands”? Why not be the follower of someone who seems to not be bothered by literallyeverything he usually stands against? Someone who seemingly had more luck inlearning about how to cope with this reality that is “being famous and beingshat on”.My conclusion drawn from what I’ve experienced and heard is that she “keeps himon a short leash,” while simultaneously trying to boost her own importance andego as they go. From what I see, he is being very much so infatuated with her,but I wouldn’t dare calling that love by any means. Yet another heated affair,if anything. I think he really lost himself along the way of people fucking himup in his life (especially since the breakup he had with Ria), so he isn’treally thinking straight anymore at all. He’s just going with the flow, doingwhatever the fuck he wants to, fucking whoever the fuck he wants to, and hasthis little rebellious side of him tell him to “fuck the rest”.Which WOULD be a good thing – fuck the haters, imma do my thing and stuff… Onlyif he wouldn’t be doing it out of all the wrong reasons. Namely what seems tobe a desperate attempt and need to just “change himself for the better” because“he isn’t a weak ass motherfucker”.I feel like he has quite some problems with the concept of vulnerability. He has this sort of a persona built up which he strives to be, but really isn’t– basically a sort of an alpha male persona – and right now, he’s probably sofar off in his head, that he just wants to desperately fit this picture perfectimage of himself, no matter how many broken pieces are waiting for him to berepaired on the inside. He wants to prove that “he’s better and stronger” tohimself, as well as to everyone around him. He’s ignoring his issues, pushingthem aside, thinking that “ignoring” his problems is better than to face them,“because after all, facing them only ever brought him pain and anguish anyway”…But holdingthings inside like that, suppressing all the negatives by all means necessary…I think most people realize how bad this can get – a person turning into aliving ticking time bomb that can be triggered into an explosion at any time. Hemight be feeling happy now, in this moment of bliss he’s created for himself,just ignoring everything that’s been eating away at him from the inside, neverletting it surface. But you can only keep your demons at bay for so long,before they come haunting you again, with even more vigor.Prolonging the inevitable in this way is pretty much the most horrible idea onthe long run you can have. But Tom isn’t thinking on the long run. He’s thinking “peaceof mind, now, or I’m gonna lose it”.I don’t know what it is that triggered this “obsession to be okay”. Maybe hewants to be spiteful to Ria. Maybe he wants to prove to her “how much betteroff he can be without her” and “what a changed and open man he has become”.Maybe it’s not even Ria. Maybe he just can’t deal with being without SOME sortof a sexual partner, because it makes him feel like a failure. Maybe he cravesa sort of intimacy he used to have, but is now gone, so he fills his time withwhat he thinks is “second best”. Who knows. It could be a number of things, andmany more than I can probably never even think of.At the end of the line, my personal perception of what he’s doing is that it’s –and I’ve repeated myself in this wordall too many times now – toxic. No matter the reason why he’s doing it. I thinkhe would be better off alone for a while, and, if not getting therapy, at leastletting himself have some breathing space, and just give himself a second toheal from whatever is gnawling at him. Heal from whatever seems to be “pushinghim” from the inside to be this perfect ideal self he so desperately seems towant to be. AND BEFORE I FINISHLet us just quickly dive into this one last important element of this dynamic –namely where Bill comes in, and how it all comes together at the end of the day. If we assume I am at least vaguely correct in my interpretationof things, it’s obvious that there’s no way in hell that Bill would be blind to somethingnot being entirely as it “should be” with Tom. Clearly if even we as fans can perceiveTom as being out of character, how on earth would then his twin miss it?Doubtlessly, no matter the partnership any of the two had/have with anotherperson, it will always affect BOTH twins in one way or another.So how do we explain this undying enthusiasm Bill seems to be sprouting everytime Heidi posts yet another picture of Tom on her social media.Well, there’s a few rough possibilities I see here.1. First would of course be realizing that social media is meant to feed uscontent that isn’t always the exact representation of how the reality is. Whoknows if Bill’s endless heart emojis really are as heartfelt as we imagine themto be in the first place. But I digress. I sincerely think Bill’s not fakinghis enthusiasm. Most of all because his idolizing when it comes to Heidi reallyseems to know no bounds. Which leads me straight into the more possible optionnumber two.

2. Billsort of admiring and romanticizing the relationship Tom and Heidi have – to thepoint where he thinks Tom feeling out of place is just sort of his imagination…Because “how in the world could this picture perfect scenario ever be hidingsomething less than PERFECT”. Bill is like that – the romanticizing idealist.And I bet he has this one picture in his head of how Heidi is, and doesn’tstray from it, even if there’s weird signs that she might not be all heimagines, and no matter what other people might suggest in order to persuadehim. Stubborn. The twins are so. Damn. Stubborn.3. What I imagine most – or well, wish to imagine, hoping that Bill isn’t toolost in his ideals in regards to Heidi – is that Bill actually tried talking toTom about what’s wrong, but Tom refusing to tell him, continuously saying that“all is fine” as he probably does so many times with his manly-manpersona up. And then Bill letting it slide, just being as happy as possible forhim, even though he knows something’s up. Because what else is he to do anyway?STUBBORN, REMEMBER?

Whatever itmight be – at the end of the day it’s really sort of exhausting how the twinsjust give each other concession over and over again. Recently, an old interviewresurfaced where they talked about how “they don’t need therapy, because theyhave each other”. Well, with both of them so stubborn and both of them so damnproud, with both of them being unable to take a sincere word of advice as anythingbut a personal attack… Of course they prefer each other over someone else withperspective. Because a therapist would not massage their egos as they do to oneanother. A therapist wouldn’t let them drown in pity and join in on their spitelike it’s their own. Because that wouldn’t resolve anything.Relying solely on someone that is also really similarly fucked up might makeyou not feel alone, but it sure as hell won’t drag you out of shit. They’re eachother’s excuse, constantly, probably unknowingly only dragging each other downwhen it’s really bad. Instead of telling the other “no, you need to dosomething about yourself, you’ve been down in the gutter for too long”they probably just go “yes, that person did a horrible thing, and I’llcontinue hate them with you while we wallow in our joined self-pity”. Whatthey would need is to challenge each other more, and not just give one anothermore silent vigor to just stay miserable…OUTROBut, hey, this is where I stop babbling, even though I feel I didn’t evenremotely scrape the surface, or tell everything that’s been building up insideme lately.I’ve been debating with myself if I should really go into such excruciating detailregarding my thoughts on Tom – mostly because I don’t think traumas ofdescribed sort are something to discuss online in such a manner, no matter if true or not. In a way, Ifeel protective, because the mere potential of my thoughts being correct gives me a nasty feeling of this being a text of “exposure”. Butthen again, the internet is getting too loud with their weakly argumentedopinions, and people don’t seem to take in account that this human being hasbeen through shit a lot of us can’t even remotely imagine. So I settled foreducation. I wanted to maybe build perspective for someone who hasn’t beenthinking about this all too much.I mean at the end of the day, worst case scenario is that I’m right, but that I’vestill built some sort of perspective for people who think that “Tom’s just a fuckboi”.And best case scenario is that I’m simply overthinking everything anyway, andthat he IS actually just simply happy. In which case, ya know, I’m really,truly happy for him.At the end of the day, that’s exactly what I want, and this is exactly why Iover think it – because I want nothing but the best for all four of these idiots (as said lovingly, of course). So to finally answer your very prevailing question:Do I think Tom’s happy?Solely superficially. Really, properly happy? Alas, I doubt it.Do I want to be wrong?Abso-fucking-lutely.Thank youfor your time, if you by chance came back to find my ass finally thinking of a proper response. It really has been a long time coming.Love,Tina

#anonymous #[anon;]#reviewed this way too many times #posting it now because otherwise I'll just keep on adding

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elipodda · 7 years ago

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“They say in the moment before you die you see your life, a spat of film strip, the bad and good, nightmares and dreams, unfolding before you. Your first dog. Your first cigarette. Your first love. A friend who became a stranger. The tree you planted when you were five. These moments come up and grab you. Live and steady. And then they let go. Receding into the past. Before parting ways, your body is weightless, hovering in place for what feels like an eternity. This is so you have enough time to say goodbye. But you don’t realize it. Because it’s all of a moment. A speck in time in which you exist. And then not. Just a moment. Before it’s all over.”

I guess if Mary Kills People has its fatal flaw as a show, then it’s a passionate, fool love for what makes life meaningful.

This season finale, astoundingly poignant, pulls the strings of both seasons’ tale, links by hand all characters encountered on the stage. Actors and extras of a higher story of which maybe they were unaware. All gathered together like Brendan’s friends saying his goodbyes in the woods, each one with its verses, each one with its fragment of life lived, to build the message, the legacy of this wonderful show.

Why Mary Kills People is a show captivating for the audience, involving intimately things we do not know or want to talk about. What we know is only something that has involved intensely in its genesis, can involve in turn. What we rather want to highlight is how every single component, every single detail contributes to compose this valuable tapestry, the more precious, the more rare.

So let us stand up to applaud anyone who took part in this show. The 3 fantastic, surprising directors – the level to which Holly Dale had left the bar last year seemed unattainable – to the writers, poets of intimate feelings as ancient elegies rather than just simple screenwriters. To musicians, able to tell with notes and songs what could not be said with words. To photographers and editors leaving us speechless. To costumes, make-up, prop department, location scouts, who set them up, to the guy who brought them a cup of warm coffee in the cold of Ontario autumn… All those who helped make this show true, above all others. True but at the same time, poetic. Thank you.

To the actors, all of them, generous interpreters of characters and personalities. Soul donors. Their talent second only to the devotion with which they have been committed to make Mary, Des, Ben, Nicole, Jess, and Olivia, Brendan, Germaine, Heather, Noemi , Betty …all true. All of them: Caroline Dhavernas, Richard Short, Jay Ryan, Abigail Winter, Charlotte Sullivan, Rachelle Lefevre, Salvatore Antonio … All.

To those two brave women who have defied the custom, ignored the easiest way, choosing as the first project to link their name to a story so out of the box, challenging, revolutionary… Thank You from the heart.

If Life were a person, Mary Kills People would be its epitaph. The love verses telling the meaning of an existence.

The season finale did nothing but confirm feelings and emotions that kept us company throughout the whole season. As in the procession in the woods, protagonists marched for us with their fragment of story as their legacy. They marched for us and for Mary.

The entire season was designed as a path of awareness for each one of the characters, from Mary to Des, to Jess, Nicole and Ben. The patients who we saw dying in the episodes made their farewell a testimony of values, leaving to Mary and Des but also to Nicole and Ben and finally to Jess, a message as a sort of responsibility, arousing not only emotions but deep reflections in each character’s inner being.

During this last day in the finale, we see all protagonists committed, in one way or another, voluntarily or involuntarily, to make life-changing choices, deciding how to fill, frame by frame, that footage that will flow before our eyes in the last moments, choosing how to give worth to life. It is all in choices and awareness in the path that brings everyone together in the end, in a clearing in the woods, in the light of candles surrounded by marigolds.

Jess, with the delicate but intense touch of Abigail Winter’s talent, surprises us positively, confirming an esteem that is unlikely to be questioned. She finds out the nature of Mary’s clandestine work. She finds out it in the most brutal way yet she does not bat an eyelid. Her acceptance, which reminds us once more that nature of love is to love, not necessarily to save or understand, is second only to Mary’s candor in opening up to her. When the situation is desperate and you put a lot on scale, it is not worth wavering and holding back. So Mary can be sincere and honest and true in confessing her daughter that there is all of herself in what she does and she does not know why nor can she be different – Bravo at the poignant artistic moment of Caroline Dhavernas that goes beyond stealing us a tear. Beyond acting, beyond awards, beyond TV or maybe giving a new definition of TV entertainment just as the whole show did. Jess does not need anything else. Nothing more than to know who her mother is, to be able to love her completely, to understand that she is really loved in turn. Jess and Mary choose without fear of being themselves and their choice leads them to stand side by side to face together what happens.

Nicole has not always understood Mary’s motivations. Quite the contrary. Not just because Mary had kept them hidden at first. There, Nicole had been quick and ready to get a clear idea of her sister’s actions but why the reasons, she had not always been able to share. Embracing enthusiastically Des’ project of the hospice, Nicole too takes her position beside Mary, choosing in turn. If to be Mary’s sister, if to have the only family left in Mary means to be part of Mary’s life as much as you want her to be part of yours, Nicole is there, she does not hesitate anymore. With enthusiasm, positive inclination, involvement and “vibes”, Nicole’s path leads her to look forward enriched by her experiences thanks to Mary.

Des … Des is the person who has changed more since the first season. Eight months of reflection and rethink have given him a great advantage on the way to the awareness. He has the clearest ideas and the deepest doubts. He knows exactly, in every moment of his adventure with Mary, what he is doing and why he is doing it. His awareness gives each of his actions a more meaningful and deeper value. We must bow to Richard Short, so extraordinarily the Master of this eclectic and multifaceted character, to give him nuances that in the writers’ room they dared not even imagine. The choice of Des, therefore, with the greater awareness that the events had given him, is more a confirmation than a new choice. A confirmation linked to a discovery. The confirmation that he does not need a painful, intimate past to embrace with passion the choice to do what’s good, in a way perhaps still illegal, perhaps unconventional but with no shadow of doubt or fear, right, noble, appropriate. Choosing what he believes is right inevitably means choosing Mary, is his own fatal flaw. Because Mary is not always aware. Mary is not always fearless. Mary does not always proceed with straight and understandable trajectories. On the contrary…

Mary is a whirlwind of emotions. Her apparent coldness is just the garment she uses to cover, protecting herself, an unthinkable vulnerability that comes from an extraordinary emotionality. Mary is passion, strong and generous in everything she does. Getting rid of Olivia while staying with Ben, who she loves, seems like a possible goal rather than a mirage. Mary throws herself all without hesitation. She risks and is terrified, not by Olivia, but by what she herself put into play in that operation. However she does not hold back.

When in that car with Olivia’s words, the microphone records that Mary has let Grady bleed to death, it is not the failure of trying to indict Olivia without incriminating herself to tear Mary’s heart and to deliver the knowledge there is always a cost to be paid for the choices made. The bill comes when you least expect it. Mary, in the car with Ben, is annihilated by pain with no hypocrisy of wanting or being able to justify, because when two people who have pretended and hidden so much from the beginning do decide to be sincere, they change and do it to a true and deep level with no limits. There is no space, therefore, to drown the truth that brutally tears away what was between them, as the tape that holds the microphone is torn painfully and abruptly from Ben. Could Mary have chosen differently? It does not matter.

Planning with Ben in the woods, she chose knowing how much she was putting at risk, though trusting if the plan had worked, so many questions would have been silenced, so many shadows gone, maybe forever. Wearing the wire in Olivia’s car, she realized at the highest price that the only way to dispel the shadows is to turn on the light, as she had done with Jess. How she did not succeed with Ben. If she was ready to pay the price for such a high risk. If she was ready to face such a loss, we believe not. On the contrary, we believe that the story has still much to tell precisely because it’s Mary who has still so much to say, to understand and to achieve.

So generously committed to helping others give meaning to their life or death, whether one wants it, (fantastic how the two terms express the same concept when related to value and meaning), so taken by sublimating the meanings of others lives, as much as the right to choose how to die can be read as a compensation due for having to separate from affections, Mary unfailingly overlooks her own meanings, wishes and emotions that would enrich with softening tones, that final footage flowing in front of their eyes in the last moments.

Brendan’s farewell ceremony, his death, is almost a warning to Mary – we allow ourselves a standing ovation as deeply as Salvatore Antonio has let the character penetrate within himself to become so intense and extraordinarily touching – a standing ovation to Vlad Alexis too, for making his Germaine intense and truthful, so to highlight Brendan’s character details and nuances.

A warning…

to remind Mary that death is not always or entirely serene. Not just about marigolds and candles. Sometimes it can be painful and unfair. Betty’s death was fair and desired, her life had been full and in her eyes, done. Brendan’s death is right and serene, since he cannot avoid it, he chooses how to live it, filling it with the richness of his affections and fullness of what he has experienced. How fair, how serene, in comparison, Cho-cho San’s death, on the stage of Madame Butterfly which so surprisingly moved Mary? Cho-cho San does not want to die. Cho-cho san should not die. However when the girl’s life had emptied of what gave her meaning, she had no choice. Because a life without meaning, it is not life. Cho-cho san challenged her society, the conventions of her world and questioned her belief… because of Love. Lost her love, she can die. She chooses love to give meaning to her life. Like Betty. Like Brendan. Like Ben.

It is surprising that it’s Ben the bearer of the most important message for Mary. Ben, who for so much time we had difficulty to place. Maybe, or maybe not. Ben who was there in the shade, uncertain whether to jump to the middle of the stage. Ben who pretends so well that you never know how much you can trust him. Ben who does not seem to understand fully and then surprises you by accepting everything at once, redesigning everything because of Mary. Because he loves her.

Love is worth it being on Mary’s side and we faint every time we see him telling her at that table between a mismatched cup and a doubtful Des, with an intensity that only Jay Ryan could put in that look, overwhelms words saying much, too much more. Ben fell in love and love gave a different meaning to his life. Love for a woman, not just for what is right and fair Love made him accept so much, indeed love made him understand so much, accepting was a consequence. Because of love he chose to live with little doubt that there is not necessarily white and black but also a little grey, as all the voices kept whispering on each side of this stage, Love is acceptance.

But in that car, from that cold wire, what Ben heard, went beyond doubt, stained grey of an indelible black. Ben heard that he has been used. There is no other way to say it. Used and betrayed. Love that fills life is not a love that uses. It does not betray you.

On the squalid patio of his camper, Ben – he will understand us and excuse us, Jay Ryan – is Cho-cho San. While in a clearing they celebrate love that makes peaceful the farewell from life, in the unreal silence of his own clearing, Ben shouts louder than words of Brendan’s poem: death makes no sense if you have not filled your life with meaning.

It matters very little that there is his bourbon or Olivia’s pento in that bottle. Of course it counts for Mary. It will count a lot for her because the pento or the bourbon will decide the colors of many frames of her footage in her future.

For Ben, however, when he chooses to overflow the content of the bottle, there is no difference.

There is no tomorrow if there is no love.

Pento or bourbon that it is, in that bottle Ben chooses to drown.

Federica Edited by Lisa

"It's ok, babe. I'm only dying" For its season finale #marykillspeople invites you to a heart rending edition of Dia de los muertos. Our Fatal Flaw review. “They say in the moment before you die you see your life, a spat of film strip,

#marykillspeople #abigail winter #british actors #Caroline Dhavernas #Charlotte Sullivan #Global TV #jay ryan #Mary Kills People #Rachelle Lefevre #Richard Short #Tassie Cameron #tv series

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castlehead · 8 years ago

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[BENEATH THE PLYMOUTH. chapter nine, conclusion]

I. Can’t life end again, before the sun Goes down over the hills like a parasol? Life polluting our heads with questions That don’t know their own answers …

Then why give it us? the private said. I mean,

Armies kill and are killed for these, and ya En’ up with what monstrous

Bleakness stripes in blood; that is your prize. With flagging limbs I speak my Rage at the enemy. My True Veteran Rage, Which is my food and drink, I cross the

Battlefield and I singlefile my bros And doesn’t this matrix of bootstring Done up on you quicker now if We get incoming fighter jets? You are Meanwhile living it up like a damn Yossarian with them foolish virgins The new recruits till I

Send again for u to drive another imbalance right Weepwoop weepwoop weepwoop

Tried and true are the men to get killed first After all, nothing like

Deaths of honorable men To stew up the lesser rage of cowards for to deal In lamenting them, as if it were for fun, sportiness,

Oratory, red and blue lights! crack Open a cold one with the boys! magnifico! raises

Chalice to those sent to a Rightful place in the heavens, those Weak mounds or plots now, some Severed from life by the single nip Of severe pill intake after the war

You’re too fucking good for a life of Seizures take this xanax instead.

. . . . . . . . .

What am I doing I am here, I am atop a mountain, lets call it, Am breathing full for the first time, In my headspace I persist An effluvium; while a desperate gush’f a need For sanctuary tells me I am far from Ahead of turning this damfool twilight In my head away from its Croaking doubts, and guilts, Can barely.

This Twilight, What have I left to examine of you? I say Sagely to the private, do all that you did, as well Upon / A separate, spent drift, perspective, etc.,

While the wolfish / Folk don caps Of what they wrongly think they

Are. This could be a story about why I wanted to kill myself Or it could be about whatever I want to make it about, Hopefully something, something less dramatic. Well. I hope you like it. I worked very hard on it. It Makes me want to weep to think of it, and yet I must, I want to tell you all of what it means to make a difference Atop a mountain, I see you there, my love, Please, please love me, there is not much I can say Except, love me. All this daft World. All of its haunting Contradictions, nifty spools out of sense I cause

Rounding the corner, get them, chase them, Go deep into the forest, up the climate. Up, Up

Have you found, the little that speech can give you back is width enough for a heart in grief to corrode Or two? Sleep, sleep, dear one. I have ye, ye is much obliged to nurture me myself, but unlike I you, u dont have to me, For I nurture myself well enough already. This someone else in this house of mirrors you keep talking about, quaking With unfed genius, and whom is monster, monster, knocks upon the head, to heel up This phantasm, intimidate it backwards a little, scorn its brunt, then deftly reconnoiter With it later back at the chasm’s lost wrinkle there where not one minute of time is spent not laughing about the situation. A light could swiftly get penetrant the brains of the unfed genius, the wreck, The wry one, the lost thing betokening all worlds’ wishing that human vanity hath brayed like a horse for, and Prayed, prayed for, to congeal as even the protozoa of a spark at the top of a mountain; to let hope congeal in plenty as the blizzard Of the century to garnish the summit.

You have the prototype, but it is a him, and he is to love what love had always needed to Be! We mold and mold what we want the world to be, mold it out of a wish Or three,

. . . . . . . . .

II. Each interesting temperament says hello to me, Before fleeing from me,

They pass and pass like they meant something once but won’t tell Anymore, as I wait to be given back what has been once robbed, still

Hell. What’s the difference really? Been once asking me for the last Of its energies, itself will change, always change. So it goes with The whims of opinion, as to what sits well in one’s stomach,

Or if not that at most just rumbles hungrily there, or gets one’s noticing Depreciating, or not. Anything wld lead me to an answer I’d get besotted of,

Ornate reasons for expression are my thing. Showy excuses for my skewed bind called my life.

That rattle here and there around the point I try to make a success As the voltage is turned on I mark my last of humanity goodbye,

As I remember ur indolence / I so forget my Thoughts, feelings, guilts, shames.

And it is mostly all the same. Watch me empty buckets of sorrow! My eyes. My continual essence is such a pain in the ass. I prefer Additional things in the mix, more than mere sadness. But Our relative experience, though relative, would try to deny Us that even, wouldn’t it? That all could simplify into an urge For relief, something that goes against the little voice That says, These are more than just

Words. But I want them to mean something, really, I really do; want them to bring you places, string You along on their meanings, bobbing and chafing:

Even by faith there being a verbal string to the argument Makes an argument. Reason’s transcendent like That and can make for bitchin’ metaphysical

Recognizingz. What. Something crucial loafs In my empty canister called body. So sue me. It, that is, What I am, doesn’t do anything there but magically

Stays aloof without disappearing: this buried thing: well I Daze myself off into space and meet you there, like, In space: and anyway waiting too long would

Be a rightful hazard for my personality to squeal about In being aloof. I have no ridiculous thing to write But instead forth go into magnifying what is said

Already like a patient requiring ibuprofen by exaggerating The pain that is still pain. More fun is this, this getting Shot with a gun-syringe of aenesthetics: they

Say “Ready for time out” when they do it: You wake up later feeling licked

Like, like a trainwreck, vibrating in freezing AC cold.

Yet if the headache’s needed, then, getting It treated should squelch the purpose. Leave my maladies There, you kno, safe in the trinketbox. Leave me traumatically

Unaided. Like until I hanker badly for an answer myself That I try and remember to give after the longest Period of time possible. So if I can’t,

I want. Feel so stifled. What is important to you: Making sense but making sense new: making poetic Thinking a type of poetry in itself: it works after all:

Let’s ask that question: if I am ambient in my relative Nature, or if the vibe is something more jagged, Which is already something wavy and ambient, An eccentric trick of the mind to woozle itself Into angles of self and pithy creation would Eventually present itself; but do not do it. Yu will not remember how for the life of you. It will just be a picture you see of what you want. Such ignorance

Fascinates one into playing, like, by their own rules, starting To play with concepts. I want to stick to one but Don’t even have one. Strange taste

In my mouth there is. So much there is of self That committing to one thing, even per page, is Backwards, bawdy, bluntly reasonable tho

Past its secure, random prints the weird entry Glamorizes, then makes a thing: I went to those to Mean something, like, went to the words, I mean:

What of it: this is going to be something I Hopefully do not regret, that my large, shiny being notices as Light through the window, getting reflected on by the closing

Door of a car: don’t doom me to just that though: I am a searcher: I’m trying really hard: doe a deer, Blabla: I have the right wrinkles for to

Explain my argument sideways: planecrash: Runtish reason, bleed me out of you into a body My own, hopefully: fuck my answers

For everything: I don’t care about the bad choices. The, that is, horrible reasoning, is not, is a Way, a new one, to work my way

Through poetic thought: my elbows hurt for example: My back does: a weird taste in my mouth: righteous Diligence, give me some rapport with

These words, craft em like gems that are squeezxed And tormented to life, force it, force it to live, I need This living thing in me to express its repressed

Stuff so long repelled: don’t do me like A normal, hoggish perspective on the matchlit Cave we squander through: through and through,

I impress upon myself impressive gonging shouts, Right?: or do I never mention the invisibleness of What I speak of, you know, outside of just then.

. . . . . . . . .

Despite my own personal dilemmas, I have An element unknown by this practice,

Settled in decisive waves of calendar And rotation, space and juxtaposing,

Retracted stuff and statements left bled till Steam lost. I have these unknowavles

Without constraint as things my diction nails To the wall of the page. But I have

Dilemmas, things I create for to Be baffled by them, scorn, growls,

Soggy mittens in wintertime. Nothing Counterintuitive, I always say, gets past me.

I allow those confusions room in my material Cell, breathe out flowering my spent

Petals to a floor of verbiage. OK. What can I say ?? Though ?? Really,

That the cricketsong is unbelievable, The night drinks up that thick

Music; that everything now is considerable, And I decently understand; and that

Everything, even what I do not know, Is important. So as to this,

III. Constantly, barely on a cuticle Would reality seem to stand for us;

You are not so fine, so tenuous as your situation, which is reality, And which offers up zero places for you to trip and fall into the sky.

Regretfully at that would the whole of reality disappear, as Soon as there were not these gravitational beings humans are, To classify and disseminate reality, which is in other words not What you think it is but what you will never see it as and more,

More than just a pretty thang, due to a sounding sunlight, due to, To say, an obstreperous daygloss over the city; but is in the worlds Behind admitting a lack of a name for this non-language, which Although remarkably loud on the still, static eaves, seems [yes] To have come overnight with the junipers. But the sense of sight,

The sense of sight simply was not auditory. And other things, Were fine, were fine as cuticle. Now, as for the problem of sight,– It was already a completely different sensory-experience, one I watched at once go wither off many roofs like flakes, go silent By the weeping mud round their walls overtook by river, but This not immediately. A sourceless jangling like of jewelry first:

Shattering out-seeming a white sun: a wake of these fragile things. Like paint-chips. Saw something, somehow ornamenting rays,– Wither from my grasping. For back then I’d left the peanut Gallery as per usual, my focus on imagination’s latest fare,

As I walked away from my cute little fucking friends or whoever. They went off none wiser, lolling their tongues At stonyfaced adults, so

I chose pursuing possible phenomena: I sense-guessed some Strange thing off there to my side, and in my sight alone:

It was as light, yet if light had A sound, a fastidious muttering to,

To complement its urging bright, and Brilliantine crisp form, giving

Marker in particular, as I noticed more, those looser, tattered Parts of sun and chidden dun. So as, in physicality or Whatever manifesting this gets called, to make

It sound its shifting throughout all degrees, cajoling and Maneuvering almost as if it had feet tapping steps to take.

I was 10, and though I kept awhile that booming stepping light In thickspun places for my mind to go and mend an ear for, And. Back me to that spot, so that itself the unilateral instant

Of perception would not dim, well so it dimmed, And I forgot the noise;

Cotton fills between my ears at the thought, to the point I you know like wouldn’t barely hear a foghorn; then Aggravation past recalling. I can’t now even know if

Anything is absent. That’s how bad it is. Events, E’en if they’d been in paint, certain ones’re more Past recalling than the bluntest detail

Of whatever I’d kept warm enough of it all, by The fire of possible to picture, there, you Know: in the mind’s eye. More important to Remember the erasure electrodes could feed Than the one they could stifle with a ball-gag.

That raged-out delight in your eye could Seed in you and with enough

Of this obscure hallucinogen consumed, zoom the pneumatic Parturitions what had been waiting to canter out out in hot Speech straight from braincavity, for

The benefit of your local Shaman: Into the brushy groins thus go

The Cocky British Adventurers, searching for the fountain Of youth, or at least some village where they can get high. The voodoo dey is pay to see, like, to cure incontinence;

Don’t tell! By the barrel in transport go things to forgetting; A given day, from spore to spore remits; direction is avoided Like a bad thing so we all go back to where it growed from

In the states. More than inner leagues of a breastbone, This is a serious matter. Or rooms we might Could spend all day a-lounge

Upon our rucksacks waiting for inherited luck To be what haunts us, that to crumble, buckle, Quick to breathe, then nothing,–would not so Succeed: spirit pulls us from the fingers of spirit With grand tweezerpairs,

But: what of the dangerous chemical overlapping, could that not Melt any elated feeling straight between its own two hands Lifting it, fruiting out the cracks, from that elation, once again, Which: are nay pieces of the will to dry up the anima/animus For good: like British testicles in the Rainforest its, your Very hands do not, refuse to

Let you handle, now, because, you Know, it will burn for awhile if even it, whatever is Controlling the nefarious block between

Whatever happiness of a sort and their significant Person: birthed into that happy flesh, that skin, That thing that will remind one, you, of the fabulous,

Unshed lair at the foot of the mean, corrosive stairs, Pregnant with mercy for the steps of light on it only.

Listen: go by that so as to seize new life: if wholly for more Artful-slung ascents, wax the temples of yr head And go under, and send accents of voltage, Pole to pole to pole.

WE ALL OF US are of what WE were,

Which cannot gather ‘mustard’ nor In mustering it up should you go without A sort of wheeling will: well: no soul should be Without a healing will: it which fights between Your lungs and what your heart insists

Was, has been there before: they, uh Will know they are observed And know not to do so There now; this too

Comes as natural As all these, as ventricle. There’s An aqueduct to tamper with.

Mine and mine through it–all the overwhelming shit of it all, For stuff yours. Just, don’t

Besiege, sweat and Sweat to illness; or make it yours; or do you and I,

Walking down the dirt road with our selves styled right in front Of us at the edge of madness–meanwhile, the road is at the edge Of the psychiatric hospital–pursue towards our to us so-so Talismans, like the reveille to break ‘us all’ into morning,

With an empiric dournesss and a poetic somberness like dirty rocks? Nay hope to find for this or that eclogue, a meaning punctual, as

We clean them like pissed Jockys, Answering only for the gold but in a

Locked eye–or interminable, breathless moment. These could Be spied by some among

Us less romantic as the crummy afterburners Of a godhead: but to us and others like ourselves not morsel at all, But at the very head

Of the war, and us the blood-mud of a battered theatre, rocketing For battlefield-next; to capture a frantic vibe or two

As might well make us frantic? To display The snack and succor of our wellbeing again, that is; Perhaps in a happiness the other there, at least

–Amongst these mossy graves: where yours, my, and Our ideologies get bestowed on, stoic although out of order, us, Again. Like some gift cherishing its other one,

We blind to our own cherishing. We tempted to hunker into place

On the flat of a large rock: and still we worry of A frightening mishearing of the argot from the first

To spell you out as tending to follow your arbitrary wisps again, Dodging the spitting of these asps forlorn by the same proxy Sense walks out to let fill for it too, whom try and try in fidgets To tell you realistically: you is, uh

Mercurial to sell your snappy deathtraps To the others sitting hunching In the back of the light, awaiting the unveiling Of The Random Vision: it all, and it will, flies back at you, The one elated: from their dark shelters it comes To make that noise you knew only light to. Then, as the speech

Of one given so much to dreams that it were a Sickness the mind ingratiated unto the Rest gives up the ghost and calls itself the same thing

Given to these corruptible seconds you’d happened to get The high beams on at the correct angle of phrasing-light, and Especially since it was not found, and by it I mean, this

Especial species, while scoping out out of greed for an exotic Metaphysical animal rustling softly somewhere dangerous along The curtain, made entirely of infinities: you

Waited for to steal the show, but, then, kabamm, And we lose it: our salutary mistresses

Delayed the minstrelsy, time melted, weak shooting At a fenced-in target: as we themselves blast

All motors, play chicken with feelings fine as cuticle: the Cheering to get mutuality in a busted zipper halfway Down the coat: I sleep in a cot: don’t feel sorry: for you:

Our someplace mistakes beautifully without any Communication’s dotage, without interest, In it for the art: usher us along this rock a bit, And all to stomp down the feeling.

The freckled derelict impetuous parts Our molded forming spits panoply to graciously, as Our freeze of eye at each other, and with that a dolor of collar And crimp at the shoulder, and hands to arms clasping Tenderness to the hilarious sound of trombones:

To filtered, moribund animosity all is as spiritual adiposity, and to The spine’s own place in hurting is there a weakest when true

Hue. Trickling Minuses down each disc, doth it, doth it doth it, and Bring you to the tomb the tomb, tomb, tomb.

Happiness focused atom-wise to blathering lambs’ limbs’ Context pillowy gets us confuséd fledged from right to left

And then to do, uh, do so is Yet the where where is someplace stronger, smaller. Right eh ?? The speech, argot, recommends its woes Like fashionable trinkets at a gas station. And decides

Us to go down the drain like toiletflush these untimely Dissimilars, once posh, now as but the gourmand’s Misery. Before the game, he ate a bunch of hotdogs,

Came to the eating contest for a snack. Yet which is of tidings Is that being flatlined on nonbeing like a medley of thrown

Sounds through to the end of the roll of the last toilet -paper in the WholeWORLDEver. Crates us as off

We go like in a box to nice otherness, while Seconds remind us of the ghost

In the moon we forgot to call mightily and we are Now stuck in this bricklump desuetude.

In the very moon our trembling lips lie about knowing it Afar, and I care not how long the line spits landscape; Don’t; or does perhaps. I want to speak visions Of colors. And now for another

Thing: this is different because it leaves up to discussion The rather ornamental debacle. Dry squalor.

Heated up desertions of eye. Fickle hold, o hold. Broken record you is. Well: my army had Nothing with it come to much

But a father what that grabbed the attitude off The collar of the young punk with spots on’is faythe. Like golly.

Repetition you let us pay for your drinks And get stabbed like Marlowe in the eye. Shiver, Species. For it is what we tell you do.

Collective unconscious needs dramamine stash, before All civilization hurls into the closest bucket and- -Frightens the children. Pellucid is the sky’s heart. He’ll know what to do and, uh, what forgive.

Something cold in this heart. Heal me, heart. Respond A bit too soon to the call. Discuss politics. Fuck you. And be Young Joyce uncomprehending at the

Christmas table with Old Dante Muckering up the gaffe of talking blunt about

The PRIME MINISTER Bad gaffe made the more.–

I took a thousand stout men and made them soldiers. Still the question was not solved: do we or do we not Exist: I founded lackeys like the Prime Mover I is. I am, Tell me, young lamb, [eyecontact] I am like

Roses sweet-smelling yes. I have an ankle that is a chip off

The shoulder and there is so much you’d never suspect through The blinds: you are blind to much: anything but old rinds I give

You to see. Of cataclysmic woe, Is uncouth to say it comes, betimes Betimes.

I natty up the RansomStash of money, think I hurl in some other dimensionanony

Rubbled out of zeitgeist. Like what’s left of what Was once important. MAKE EVERYTHING EXPLODE Says the mind, to the maker, and dirigible the static Plane being’s on or is not on. I have a backache. A good part of the poem is that you do not

Know who the referent ‘I’ is. Wonder retracting statements From itself is and remains the wonder of those statements It did not pursue, nor highlight.

That’s what I tell yeh. My GOD who how he did it ?? Till next horn’s blowing.

The new fodder’s here.

I look at my watch all pithy. I want to talk about something

Different, Now:

IV. These moving things, in

Front of my memory are in front there, as if they could be In front: preparing to be remembered. As like water floating On air, an air once obvious lightness, now heavy but only as Waged by its distinction plashing down weightless;

A rose fighting God for a crumb. What I thought mine,

The diviningrod for the gold that is as it is, while The dappled glinting hurlings-out of sun its Buried symbolism: the rod was looking Surly and sad at me

With its inanimate, punk-poker countenance, asking an Arresting conference between myself and all What is in the coming-trough of that

Empty ray my sun begins behind, waiting For the lordly entropy unkind bids for power Wreak of all over the mystified Others’ whispered Commissions to blesséd rekindlings of an ease For suns as mine, and for them

Eagerer plumbs the problem into the general, poetic Selfhood you and I equate to the choral bastion For all the body politic to get unto itself

A final haunt for meetings with those in the field; First, get me to the shallow symbol quicker, for The more is, within, that is

Our fighting, unfound parts, found Out to their believing-to-be-seen, awkward, Aggrandizing root, the more is seen Human all our trickling signs;

As, for example, the professor nodding Dipping glasses from eyes might say

Profoundly, You have me breach into your sociopathy: Behind these displayed tears eyes mutely Carry over bucket by bucket

Past the lids, then Closed goes your roving imagination To the many grunted teachings, wanders to

The place affect and displeasure dwell In commune much as the sun and moon Are. You contrive and contrive Despite a lack of closure. Evil

Grunts; then, the old magician steps upon his Own tricky sidewalk, back broken, spine Flailing out of the flesh like

Sides of things intentionally prized, for Being many-sided, being peripheral, being thus The clamp-down on upon the rift between a Self and self, the murderous wage, a drifting Buoyed survival technique, culminating In the petty boutique where make fancy our

Designer desires. Manically let you grin, let you-

-And find me there and bitterly beneath your skin, Interred, an errant bug clutched by the teeth Of cells, entirely made of mature dismay

At this rattling feature or that, a singing twitch Ersatz dissolves in simply prudery, although the Match is boundless once uncovered to its Eloquent extremes, its funny bets

Atop a covered wagon on the turnpike to Work, ensuing gases here and there, plucking Marred hairs and ingrown nails from the More similar decripitudes of life, yet leaving still

The undone pyre of waxing-worship to Intend itself beyond, beyond a folly, and beyond An enigmatic coach a breed of stag gallops With, like a friend, a friend or fiend,

A whipping to the nakedness our traveling, A scorching of impassioned earthen to What’s the sillier darkness of conceit, deceit, Received by amplifying weeping, or By entrancing the metaphoric tides an Element-electric wouldn’t send

To the chop-house. Let whom lay beneath The tarpaulin conceive this second poem with Next day’s wrathful heat to incubate

Idea, idea of shrouded modern people Messing with themselves with chemical And flirty doctrines flirting on the bilious; We are about what sadly is not serious.

And you, cheap gourmand, upon his food And slaughtering by the minute every truth His 'times’ replayed like plays in college football

Or, which multiplied disheartening with Kids; which antiquated meme and vine impelled To the furnace, and were meant to be an irony Without a foreground, or just merely funny Will, in time, call all of itself lamed

By richer generations whom do not tie severely The knot so early, nor that one of frame-of-mind,

Nor vicious as the adding of more poem to This poem, this tape, this wrong, this blare,

This carousel, could our analyses of flickering face Be less human than the rest. Dispassionate tools.

. . . . .

To jealous the color of every real ordinary. Mass composites are what the want want To be: load up my carriage, run faces by me For the right one to win

Me over, roam grim sealingwax doubles Like they were the robotic asswipe Your linear ability commands to howitzer The shit out of. I want

To destroy all the air. Then of course, would fain destroy This feigned couscous, by words Jellied in the fridge next to the words, and which gets Warmed up, connotes feelings words alive Trumpet menagerie by menagerie. Flown out of itself

The memory wants back to mentioning, Dries off on the water: the weight of all of this Wants to invite God and the rose To brunch, you know, just to talk

About maybe focusing instead on the sad Memory, unsaid. Split like atom

The discontented flash of thundering. The only thing deeper is unwanted

By you, though you think you do, but no, you Do not, do not know what you

Want from these tears the Result of a brief squabble that should Have been rightly emptied into

The Well Of Lidded Impactfulnation, I mean, man, imaginpainshun. The sidewalk entered a flaccidity unbefore Seen, saturated by these decked freckles of Unbelievable, haunting rain as

The city burned just to get some light On this one page in shadow or Night merely spilled,

Rotting, all over this oops And contracted by the mean tacklers Of bulls. Then revert to those gutted, realize

The pen is dusty and empty, the tears A stupid fragility that makes broke the back Of a mountain not included in

The latest Jake Gyllenhaal deluxe set Of withered, weathered - - sexual frustration In the form of abstract painting full of themselves That is, mainly stuffed with their own selves, Which, pretty much, is everybody you Just had fight with, like, what

They are like, since we’re filled with Ourselves or at worst another fills or is filled By us, which is dangerous especially For emotional bohemians on the klutzy radar Muttering germs of new shit In the corner, like, the

Corner of the crooning voice you can’t place, Can’t raise, faze, amaze, or daze; What ridiculous fun it is to chop the world in half, Leaving only robotic faces tunefully chosen In essence. Maybe you lose the song But it comes back early once That nifty ‘copsiren simulator’ busts Everyone fleeing from the party, and an Avalanche of high folk pour out

Like tears of once what was, unto lids, The resultant dripping, squeezed into their lighted Aspect, performing light again

On the random Chair of Life where drunk poet sit, Whispering saturated sidewalks, eating couscous

By themself, since everyone of us has turned Into a wax rendition of the invisible, and by this Needle of a difference doth split the chained

Opines of unhealable hunger’s dust Where the bulls we fear once were, are not At present.

Dance, dance, ludicrous, failing mind, for nigh you won’t again So mourn, you, rebel from the rest of yourself and die,

Remove in revving happiness up what hath Embraced you, baffled, from two steps away.

It is the corner’s voice. It is the coroner’s voice, bespeaking Valuable Soul, but sans shirt, shoe

. . . . . . .

truly keep me in your bad massacred heart that lunges against your ribcage like it’s selling something it’s like an animal against you you know

find out what lingers between you and beats and stales there and planetary in the dust without a friend but the one you pay for

without an anchor you live your life to listen for some kinetic power somewhere there

unduly and lacking but what you have pawed at for so long now you have

it so live to stir people do such well this man is a tired broken thing wearing an old tattered coat he is grimacing against the bitter cold and

of his way of writing he is sure that he is without an echo back to himself peacefully he lights a fire beneath his fragrant ass he is of the metronome of fart and feeling in feeling

it is in the basics you reach for the flower in my lungs through my throat you have an ascertaining of body in your body

you wild as fire wrinkle orange and yellow separately of it you are the fire of beauty of both

you stick to listening to what’s between the chambers of desire your mind goes crazy and gets stuck in yet

without feelings without the hope of feelings you still feel you are the argot of feelings you want to waste your life trying to fix me I want to taste my life in your ice cream’d hands I want to desire the reality behind things a bit

I want to hire another human to attend to my morals and come upon a spree of finite conclusions for me

our register of voice makes enough of that for the two of us to hear it however low

to wander throughout and divide the equation we would have solved using another’s breathy brain

tell me I am true for what I think of that is that I am untrue tell me my own wrinkles of fire again despoil meaning from the craning of my neck to look upwards at a sky filled with myself filled with the clouds of myself and it makes

me go away into the feelings try me with those feelings and keep my hunch cracked like the tar across the road reality follows

driven by those high and fruitful voices…

#poetry #poem #powtry #pome #depth as predicament #the sad truth of it all

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