#and know - one week later - that scene can't leave my mind so you can thank my mom for this horrible and horrific change of development

[darth-sonny]

remember when i said that prime wasn't in love with leo and was just obssessed??

yeeaaaahhhhhhh that part's changed now.....

(edit: cleaned up with better line work, a darker color palatte, and some lighting. i like it better like this too)

[heavysighing-dreamyeyes]

hii, I‘ve already made two requests and you‘ve written them so so beautifully <33 Your work is really amazing and I think I would consider you one of my favorite blogs💞💞 I do have one more idea :)

Reader and Jason are in a relationship, yet they don’t know about his vigilante identity. Reader works the night shift as a barista.

One night, the café gets robbed during reader’s shift, but Jason isn’t there to take care of the robber since he went on patrol only later, meaning the GCPD is the first on the scene.

When Red Hood passes the café and see’s all the police lights, his heart drops. He comes to check up on reader, but they’re so shaken up that jason scares them.

It’s all fluffy in the end, and perhaps Red Hood reveals his identity 😚

Promises

Hi, nonnie! Thank you! ~1.8k words

There was a gun to your face about ten minutes ago. Well, it might have been ten minutes ago, you're not exactly sure how long it was now. The idea of time seemed to phase out when two masked robbers stormed into the little Café you worked at.

Who even robs a coffee shop? You had maybe thirty dollars in the till, everyone uses cards or just taps their phones anyway. That point didn't seem to get across to the men as they waved their pistols in your face and shot off rounds into the air.

You showed them the safe, and a few hundred dollars seemed to calm them down. They took the money, took your wallet and phone. But none of that stopped them from shoving you to the ground as they ran off. You just sat there– dazed, scared, and overwhelmed– until a patrol car from the GCPD and an ambulance rushed to park outside.

No one was hurt, maybe some bruises from being pushed around, but you and the two unfortunate people who wanted coffee half past midnight were more than a little shaken up.

You stumble through the questions the cops ask you and let the paramedics guide you to sit on the back of the ambulance. They drape a shock blanket over your shoulders as you murmur about needing to call your boyfriend.

Someone presses a hot drink into your hands, and you barely register the quiet conversations over this being the fourth small business to get robbed this week. Your eyes only leave the spot in the distance you're fixated on when gasps resonate throughout the air. Your gaze shifts up, and your breath leaves your lungs. Red Hood. Red Hood is stalking towards you like lives depend on it, avoiding the medics and cops that try to talk to him, to get his attention.

You're proud of the fact that you don't flinch when his gloved hand meets your face, carefully tilting your chin up to observe your face. His body is rigid, you can tell something's wrong even through the muddled, shocked state of your mind.

He's crowding over you, a barrier between you and the rest of Gotham. You know he's a vigilante, you know that he helps. But the moment frays the last of your nerves and tears fill your eyes.

You just want to go home. You just want to feel safe. You want your phone back and you want to call your boyfriend and have him make everything okay again.

Red Hod freezes and you can audibly hear his breath hitching. His fingers twitch against your skin before dropping, but he doesn't step away, "Sorry. I'm sorry– Did I– are you hurt?"

That only makes you want to cry harder. He's apologizing to you. This stranger hasn't done anything, but check if you're okay, and you're crying all because he looks big and a little scary. You shake your head, trying to find the words to apologize back, that you don't know why you're crying.

You shift back, even if there's no room to go anywhere. Your heart is pounding and you're scared even if you shouldn't be because there was a gun to your face and you could have died and the man that smells like gunpowder and leather can't fix that.

His head doesn't move, you know his eyes haven't left your face. You don't know why. He doesn't gain anything from lifting his hand to catch the tear that spills down your face. "You're okay. You're safe," he murmurs, steady and full of promise, "tell me what you need. Let me make it better." He says your name, says it softly and gently and damn near yearning.

"I need– I want my phone. I want to call you boyfriend," You answer shakily, blinking back the rest of your tears and trying to figure out why a vigilante knows your name.

His head turns, presumably looking for your phone, "Is it still inside the Café?"

You shake your head, voice heavy with emotion, "It– they stole it."

"They?" He questions, mask tilting back towards you.

"The robbers?" You answer weakly, Isn't that why he's here? To get information? To catch them?

His hand finally leaves your face, and you exhale softly in relief, "I'll take care of it."

He wavers in front of you. Another thing that doesn't make sense. You don't get another word out before he's disappeared into the shadows.

Your shoulders slump. You're so tired and so, so drained, and not even the hot drink in your hands is making you feel more in your body.

Someone calls your name. Jason. You stand up on shaky legs, nearly spilling the cup in an attempt to put it down quickly. Jason's here. You don't care why or how, but he's here. He has you wrapped up against his chest and face buried in your hair before the cops can even try to stop him.

He says your name over and over into your hair, and you try to ignore the way your tears stain his shirt. "I've got you, you're okay. You're okay, baby. Promise. I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you," he murmurs, arms tightening around you.

He feels safe. He smells like– he smells like leather and gunpowder. He's big and warm and a barrier between you and the rest of the world. And it all clicks.

"Let's get you home," he says softly, gently, so careful with a voice full of yearning and love. You recognize it. And you know.

Jason knows your shift ends in forty-seven minutes. But patrol has been slow tonight, and he's going to walk you home even if it wasn't. So why not show up a little early and keep you company? Spoiler seemed eager enough to cover his territory for a few hours, anyway.

He'll go back out after he sees you home safe and watches you fall asleep. Jason's idly trying to decide if you're going to be too tired to shower with him, when the flashing lights outside the Café catch his attention.

He thinks his heart might have stopped. He doesn't even think to call Oracle or text you, he just knows his feet hit the pavement and he's running.

There's only one ambulance, only one cop car. His eyes dart. Where are you. Where are you?

He's barreling towards you as soon as he finds you. He doesn't have a plan. Doesn't need one until he knows you're safe. "Move," he snaps at the medic that tries to stop him, never stopping his path towards you.

His hand is tilting your head up before he even considers the possibility that it's a bad idea, that he's just a stranger in a mask armed to the teeth with knives and guns.

He can't help himself. He needs to touch you, needs to ground himself and make sure you're not hurt. He doesn't manage to get his words out before you're tearing up.

Jason's heart breaks at the sight, bile rising in his throat. He removes his hand, even if every instinct he has goes against it. He thinks he chokes out an apology, but he's too busy looking at every inch of you for injuries.

You shake your head and a piece of his soul shatters. He reaches up to wipe your tears, as if he could do anything else, "You're okay. You're safe," he murmurs, and wills it to be true, "tell me what you need. Let me make it better." He wants it to be better. He wants your tears to stop and the tension to leave your body and the anxiety to disappear from your eyes.

"I need– I want my phone. I want to call you boyfriend," You answer, and he wants to drop to his knees when your voice shakes.

Your phone. He can do that. His eyes dart from you, looking for the familiar phone case, "Is it still inside the Café?"

"It– they stole it," You answer and his focus snaps back to you.

"They?" He questions, doing his best to keep the anger from dripping into his voice, to bite back the threats on his tongue for whoever scared you.

"The robbers?" You answer weakly. Robbers. Robbers. Robbers did this. He files that away for once you're home, once he knows you feel safe.

He pulls his hand from your face reluctantly, "I'll take care of it." Jason doesn't want to step away from you. All he really wants is to wrap you up against him and promise everything will be better. But you don't need Red Hood. You need Jason Todd.

He forces himself away from you, moves faster than he should, struggling to shed his armor and mask. He drops his guns to the roof, anything recognizable left in a pile for someone else to deal with.

He's back on the ground and rushing back to you. He says your name. You look up at him and he sees the relief flood your face.

Jason catches you when you step towards him, arms wrapping around you to keep you close.

He whispers promises against your skin, tightening his grip on you. He can feel you crying. It makes concern and anger and the overwhelming desire to protect you twists in his stomach, "Let's get you home."

Jason– Red Hood– talks to the police for you. Insists that there's no more questions for you to answer as he hooks his arm firmly around your waist. He guides you home. You barely process a word he says.

All you can really focus on, as you watch him unlock the apartment door, is that he's Red Hood. How did you miss it? Why didn't you know?

You feel disoriented. But Jason's perfect, exactly what you need in the moment. He doesn't ask you questions, doesn't press or make you move too fast as he helps you change. He nods and gets you water when you say you don't want to shower, that you're not hungry.

He lets you curl against his chest and he kisses the crown of your head when you finally crawl into bed, "I was scared," You admit quietly into his skin.

"They'll never scare you again," he promises. Your stomach swoops. It's the truth. You know it's fact. They'll never scare you again. They'll never scare anyone again. He'll make sure of it.

You fall asleep to his comforting whispers and vows, the feel of his fingers tracing your skin. When you wake up, he's still next to you, still holding you flush against him. Your wallet and phone sit on the nightstand next to your bed. Neither of you mention it as the sun begins to shine on the familiar leather jacket folded over your chair. Neither of you mention it, later, when the news reports that two bodies were found in Gotham Harbor.

[reiderwriter]

Hating You Is The Easiest Thing I Can Do

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female Reader

Summary: When your boss pulls your case out from under you and gives it right to the BAU, you're pissed. You're even more pissed when Doctor Spencer Reid suggests you can't do your job properly. After a week in his company, you decide to give him a piece of your mind

Warnings: Day One of Kinktober - Hate Sex, enemies to lovers, dom/sub, Mean!Dom!Spencer, Brat!Reader, spanking, degradation, spanking, spit kink, sir kink, vaginal fingering, slight creampie, Reader's boss is an asshole, typical office misogyny. Spencer is also an asshole, but that's just because he's a dumbass.

A/N: Special thank you to @reidmotif and @mrs-dr-reid for proofreading this one for me! I wrote this when on a major Pride and Prejudice moment, which is why there's a whole lot of plot before the sex. I hope you like the build-up just as much as the smut! <3 If you like it, don't forget to leave a like, reply, or reblog and tell me your thoughts! ((just as a reminder, apart for Sundays and Tuesdays, I'll be posting all the kinktober fics on AO3 exclusively, so check out my writing there - reiderwriter))

My requests are also back open now, so if you like my writing and have an idea, check out my request guidelines and drop me a message in my inbox! You can find the rest of my masterlist here :)

To say you were angry was an understatement. You were seething, the anger bubbling up inside of you and threatening to lash out at anyone who so much as crossed your path as you made your way down the crappy motel corridor. You'd only known Spencer Reid a week, but you could think of no one you despised more.

The FBI had always been a boys' club, you knew that. There were some goddamn strong women in your field office, of course, but you were outnumbered 10 to 1. Which was why you were so determined to do well on the first case assigned to you as lead Agent. The first week of the case, you'd made sure you were thorough. A body had been found in the park by a jogger, and you darted to the crime scene the moment you got the call. A woman in her early twenties, like you, had been raped, tortured, and then dumped here, her body posed in a demeaning way to make it seem as if she were performing a sexual act. Your entire body shuddered at the sight, but you couldn't let your coworkers see you weak so you powered through. Collecting evidence, getting an ID on the victim, interviewing potential witnesses, and yes, even breaking the news to the poor girl's family, you had been so attentive to every detail of the case and you felt you were making progress, your boss delivered a humbling blow.

"Another body has been discovered. I've invited the Behavioural Analysis Unit in from Quantico because you're in over your head." He'd told you, not even looking up at you from the file he was reading on his desk.

"What? I wasn't told about another body, why wasn't I notified?"

"I didn't think you needed to know, now that the BAU is coming in."

"So I'm off the case? That's it?"

"No, I want you to assist them in their investigation. Tell them everything you've gathered so far, get them situated in the office as best you can."

"Get them coffee when they want it? Rub their feet if they ask for it? This is bullshit, I was making progress, if you'd only have given me more time-"

"Agent, I suggest you walk out of this office right now and get your PMSing under control before I have to suspend you from fieldwork." You pressed your nails further into the beds on your palms then and bit back your tongue from replying, simply giving a terse nod and exiting the office.

It wasn't even an hour later before the new team arrived, and you offered a tense smile and welcome as you got them set up in their own office. The Unit Chief didn't seem too bad, but Aaron Hotchner couldn't exactly be described as the most welcoming of people, and you felt an instant camaraderie with JJ, the other agent who'd come into the office with him. There were more agents apparently, but they'd gone out into the field to check out the new victim and reinterview the family, something you weren't exactly happy about. But, if you were going to be their little bitch for the next week, you were at least thankful they were tolerable and polite.

"So here's everything I've got so far. I've been pretty thorough in my interrogations of potential witnesses, and there are no CCTV cameras in the general vicinity of the dump sites, so I don't think you'll find anything else there that'll aid in your profile."

" If you'd have been thorough you'd have found this though, right?" A new voice popped up from the door, and you felt yourself tense up under the sudden accusation. Looking up you saw he was holding up his phone, a picture of a strange marking on a tree lighting up the screen.

"Excuse me?"

"This was left on a tree roughly thirty feet from the first dump site. I called Rossi and Morgan and they found a similar marking near the second victim. It's a Mesopotamian symbol relating to the worship of prostitutes and sex workers to promote fertility." He spoke plainly, but all you could hear was the condescension in his tone, and your blood boiled with rage.

" Agent Y/L/N, I'm sorry about him, this is Doctor Spencer Reid, he's another member of our team." JJ introduced the man, sending him a warning glance, as if letting him know that he hadn't just put his foot in his mouth directly.

You looked at the man then, really focusing on him now instead of the pictures, and almost cursed out loud again. He was a jerk, but fuck was he attractive. Tousled hair, dark eyes, and a perfectly sculpted jaw, it was as if he were sent from hell directly to piss you off and tempt you. You pushed the attraction aside for the minute then, choosing to be the bigger person and introduce yourself.

"I'm Agent Y/N Y/L/N. And I'm sorry that I'm not an expert on Mesopotamian prostitutes, but I guess that's probably your specialty, right, Doctor?" You held out your hand for him to shake, but he just looked down at it.

"If you're referring to my doctorate, I actually didn't study classic civilizations. I hold PhDs in Math, Chemistry, and Engineering and additional BAs in Psychology, Philosophy, and Sociology. And I don't do handshakes." He glanced straight past you after that, walking back over to Hotch and filling him in on other things you must've overlooked during your brief time working the case.

You glared at his back, finally letting your hand drop to your side again as you let out an angry chuckle.

"Don't take it personally, Spencer is just… He’s He's not great with people. He'll warm up to you." JJ put a reassuring arm on your shoulder and you nodded. But inside you knew there was not one thing the man could do to reverse the bad opinion of him you'd just gained.

–X–

After the initial anger of having the case seeped out from beneath you wore off, you actually began enjoying your time with the BAU. You hadn't put much thought into profiling before, it usually being so far off your radar while you were working in the field office but you were actually coming to enjoy how they worked, and you'd learned a lot.

Your relationship with Spencer, however, only degraded.

Your hatred had reignited the moment you'd been joined by the rest of the BAU Team. Your boss has finally come down to greet them, and, almost as if making you pay for your earlier comments, had genuinely sent you on a coffee run for them. You could deal with the fact that the man had the most annoyingly complicated coffee order you'd ever heard of in the Bureau, but what you couldn't forgive were the sly comments you walked in on when you returned.

"Come on, Reid. That Agent is easy on the eyes, you should talk to her, get you a slice of that." You'd been introduced to Derek Morgan earlier and you'd instantly pegged him as a flirt, so this wasn't exactly shocking to you. What was a bit surprising was the other man's reply.

"If she's attractive I hadn't noticed. I've been too busy trying to clear up her mess with this case."

You walked in the door then, coffees in hand, and slammed his drink down on the table for him. You handed Morgan to him, double-checking that you'd got both of their orders right before shooting another glare at the man and walking away to find the rest of the team.

But not before hearing Morgan chastise Reid in another whisper: "God man, you gotta be nicer to the kid…"

To say that your working relationship had soured totally after your two personal encounters with the man was simply an untruth. You didn't have a working relationship, you had a working rivalry.

From then on, you'd slyly interrupt the man when he was speaking, telling him to cut his genius rambles in half, that you didn't have all day to sit around and wait for him to stutter his way through his theory while there was a murderer on the loose.

He didn't hold back either, constantly asking you questions he knew you didn't know the answers to, just to smile slyly down at you and make you admit that you weren't as good as him. It was getting so detrimental to the office atmosphere that you had to be genuinely separated after only three days, Hotchner bringing you into the field with him on multiple occasions and forcing Reid to stay behind with JJ to work on a geographical profile.

You'd been with Hotchner at a family interview, working with him to gain details of the second victim's actions and whereabouts leading up to her murder to establish a timeline when you got a call.

Excusing yourself from the room, you quickly picked up the call.

"This is Agent Y/L/N."

"Hotch isn't picking up his phone." That was all the explanation you got from the man on the other side of the phone, his voice instantly grating.

"Yes, I'd assume he isn't, Doctor Reid, because we are currently interviewing a bereaved mother and father and he put his phone on silent. Is there something you need?"

"I need to talk to Hotch."

"Well, you called me. What do you need?" You heard him breathe out a frustrated sigh on the other side of the line, and you rolled your eyes, slightly enjoying being this stubborn and getting under his skin.

"Just tell him we're ready to give the profile, okay?" He hung on you after that and you cursed him down the line, receiving nothing back but the empty beeps of the dial tone.

–X–

It didn't take long after delivering the profile to get your guy, but as he hadn't been in the middle of committing any felonies when you picked him up, you'd had to spend a few days in the interrogation rooms.

Hotch had taken a crack at him and gotten nowhere, and so had Rossi and Emily and Morgan. JJ had been the one to make the arrest, so she went in last and still came out with nothing much. He hadn't layered up yet, as they'd suspected he wouldn't, too egotistical to allow anyone else into the room that he thought he was going to talk himself out of.

"We're getting nowhere with this, Hotch. I think I have an idea that could get him to start talking." Reid said as you all stared at the man through the one-way glass.

"What, you think you can charge in there and get him to talk?" It was petty, but it'd been a stressful week, and he was used to this flow of conversation between the two of you.

"No, you are. Hotch, she fits his type, she's attractive, same build and coloring as the previous two victims. I think it'd work." You scoffed at his suggestion.

"Oh so now you think I'm attractive? I thought you hadn't noticed because you were, what, too busy cleaning up my mess?" You crossed your arms as he gave you an incredulous look, and you realized that he didn't think you'd heard him.

"Spencer's right, Y/N." Hotch nodded, looking between the two of you to see if he needed to pull you apart to keep you from fighting or to keep you from jumping each other. You personally weren't sure which you'd like most at that point, cursing yourself as you let your eyes trail down his body.

"It's going to excite him having you so close, you should pop a few of those buttons, too," Reid suggested looking down at your chest as you scoffed and crossed your arms.

"Oh you'd really like that," you mumbled under your breath, but a swift look from Hotch had you shutting your mouth again as he began to brief you.

Going in you felt a surge of pettiness seep through you. You were going to nail this guy, get him to talk about every little nasty thing he did to those girls, and prove to your boss that you could do this when every member of the BAU had tried and failed. But a small, dim, and annoying reminder at the back of your head whispered in your ear that you'd be pleasing Spencer then as well. Proving him right. You weren't sure if you wanted to succeed to hear him or your boss say "good job" to you after you finally succeeded, but when you imagined it with him, he was a whole lot closer, right in your ear, body pressed against yours.

You focused on your anger over your attraction and pushed into the room, ready to stare down a monster and escape unharmed.

–X–

It had worked, of course. It had taken a few hours of building rapport but you'd done it. You'd had him eating out the palm of your hand while he confessed to the three murders you knew about and an extra four that you didn't.

A day of retrieving bodies later and by 10 pm, the case was finally closed.

"Well done, kid, you really got him in that interview. That was some great work." Morgan nudged your elbow as he grabbed his duffle, exiting the makeshift office.

"Don't forget we're getting drinks at the cocktail bar in half an hour. Shower off that mud and change into a hot dress, Agent, and I'll buy you your first shot." Emily called back to you from the exit too, leaving you in a fit of giggles as you promised her you would.

Once they'd all gone, you started packing up your things ready to leave yourself when there was another knock at the door.

" Hey, I need to grab my bag." Reid stood in the door awkwardly, and your smile dropped into a politely neutral face as you nodded to him.

"Don't let me stop you, Doc."

"Spencer."He said, stepping a bit closer to you.

"What?"

"I want you to call me Spencer. You keep calling me Doctor or Doc, I want you to call me Spencer."

"No. Doctor Reid is just fine for me."

"And what if I want more?" He grabbed your wrist as you turned to go, using a bit too much force and leaving you stumbling into him, hitting his chest as you looked up at him, your noses almost touching with the proximity.

"Let me go," you growled, but his grip loosened and you didn't move an inch.

"What if I want more?" He asked again, a little more insistent this time, his eyes dark in the dim room, expression unreadable.

"Why should I care what you want, Doctor Reid?"

"Because I think you want it, too. Because I think that despite all the odds, you want me just as much as I want you."

Your anger burst out of you in a sarcastic laugh then at his presumptuous words.

"Despite all the odds? What odds are those Spencer? You treat me like shit, ignoring me, refusing to even shake my hand, and downplaying the hard fucking work I put in before you got here? God, you are so fucking narcissistic." You finally stepped away from him then, turning away to regain your composure.

"Me? I'm not the one who missed some vital fucking evidence in a murder investigation, Y/N, so I'm sorry I wasn't the most welcoming person, but God if we're talking egos, you should probably check yourself."

"Forget it, you're impossible. I really tried to be nice to you, but more fool me for making messes you had to clean up."

"Are you still stuck on that? Y/N, I'm sorry, but Derek just has a way of-" He stepped closer to you again and you could feel the oxygen being sucked from your lungs.

"Don't you dare blame this on Morgan. You're attracted to me and you fucking despise that, and it's none of Morgan’s fault. Now please, just get out of this fucking office and go back to your motel room." You practically hissed those last words at him, holding back the urge to scream in frustration. Your lips were so close now, as his chest heaved, hands clenched by his sides as he resisted the urge to grab you.

"Forgive me… for suggesting something so obviously repulsive to you." With that, he brushed past you and walked out, leaving you reeling at his almost confession, head light from the lack of air. He'd taken your breath with him as he left the room.

–X–

The promise of free shots had convinced you to get back out to the bar as promised, not letting Reid and his fickle moods control when and where you'd be enjoying yourself.

You finally showed up at the bar and were greeted by hugs from JJ and Emily, already one drink in as they immediately handed you a shot from the bar. Guiding you back to the table, you paused as you saw him there.

Morgan was sat at the table, happily chatting away with Reid, who'd since grown quiet, eyes meeting yours before leaving to rake down your frame. You resisted the urge to cover yourself, confidently standing tall as he devoured you with his eyes. Changing out of your work clothes, you'd decided that you needed some fun tonight, donning a short red dress, barely hitting the tops of your thighs, hugging your curves tightly, and pushing your chest up so it nearly spilled out completely. You'd completed the look with thigh-high black boots and a red lip, looking the absolute image of lust - or anger - personified.

"Whew mama, you look good, Y/N." Morgan greeted you, standing up to give you a kiss on the cheek. Reid still said nothing but kept his eyes trained on you as he took another sip of his drink.

"I was promised shots and dancing, I think I'm dressed pretty appropriately don't you think?" You smiled and giggled up at Morgan, letting your touch linger on him a little longer to see if it would spur Reid into action.

"Have I ever told you about my very good friend Penelope Garcia? I think you two would get along just fine."

The rest of the night continued in a similar vein. You'd stepped out onto the dance floor with Emily and JJ, letting whatever man wanted to sidle up close, begging one of them to be a distraction from the man whose eyes were boring into you from the other side of the room. It didn't work. Their hands were on your hips, guiding you to the sound of the music but in your head, all you saw was him, doing the same.

It didn't help that he was getting hit on constantly from his perch beside Morgan, and you watched with a bitter feeling at the bottom of your stomach as women tried, unsuccessfully, to get him to pay attention to them. After another frustrating invitation for a tryst with a local man, you excused yourself from the dance floor, finding Morgan in the bar, letting him know that you were calling it a night.

"Where's Reid?" You asked, trying and failing to sound casual as you glanced around the now crowded bar for signs of him.

"He left like ten minutes ago. Said he was tired and went back to the motel."

"Was he…" You didn't want to finish the question, not knowing which answer you'd prefer, but Morgan filled in the gaps himself with a wide grin.

"Alone? Yes, kid. Here, it's the address of the motel we're staying at and his room number." You hesitated before grabbing the paper and grabbing your stuff, practically running from the bar and hopping in the nearest taxi.

–X–

That's how you found yourself stomping down the corridor of the motel, pounding on his door at 1 a.m., unashamed in your brazen actions. He opened the door, slightly shocked to see you there, and you pushed your way inside and turned on him as you shut the door.

"What the fuck was all of that?" You demanded as soon as he turned back to you. His shirt was open now, jacket and tie discarded on the floor somewhere deeper into the room, but you forced yourself to look up into his eyes, away from the pale plains of his skin.

"What was what, Y/N?"

"You, staring at me like that the whole night and then just leaving."

"Did you want me to stay?"

"I want you to stop answering my questions with questions, Reid. This is bullshit, you can't act like a dick to me all week and then look at me like I'm a piece of meat you want to rip apart, for fucks sake."

"You made it very clear earlier tonight that you wanted no part of this, Y/N. Are you saying I should've done something else?"

"That's another fucking question, Spencer! If you don't start actually talking to me, I swear to god, I'll-" You ran a hand through your hair, and when you looked up again, he was closer than ever. You backed up into the wall, but he followed you, pressing a leg between your own. Slowly and with that condescending grin plastered across his face, he drawled out his next words.

"You'll what?"

Your lips crashed against his with the fury of your frustrations, a mess of teeth and tongue and biting anger as you surged forward into him.

With a rough push of your hips, he slammed you back into the wall, taking charge of the situation, coaxing his tongue into your mouth, battling you for control, and winning. Grabbing you by the neck he slowly pulled his lips away from yours, leaving you gasping for breath.

"Don't be such a brat, Y/N. When I ask you questions, it's because I want answers." You moaned as you tried to regain his lips, but he chuckled and kept you pinned.

"Tell me, baby, what should I have done earlier instead? Got down on my knees to beg your forgiveness, or thrown you over that desk and used you like a cheap little whore? I think I know which one you prefer."

You moaned at his words, but kept your mouth twisted in a grimace, choosing not to answer. He got tired of waiting, and, with a swiftness you didn't know he possessed, twisted you around so your hands were planted against the wall, your chest pushing against it too as he pulled your hips up and out, effectively baring your pantie-clad pussy to him as your dress pushed up and over your ass all by itself.

"So fucking slutty. You let all those men in that club touch you while you stared at me the entire time." He ran his hands across your ass massaging you underneath your underwear before pulling his hands away again and grabbing your hips. He pushed his clothed cock against you from behind and you moaned at how hard and big he felt already.

"Was this what you wanted, brat?"

"Go fuck yourself."

"I think you'd much prefer it if I fucked you, don't you think?" He turned you around again, lifting one of your legs up to wrap around him, the new angle pressing your core further into his cock.

"Open your mouth, now." Against your better judgment, your body reacted to him quickly, your tongue dropping out of your mouth as he ground his cock into your core, effectively dry-humping you. With a swift motion, he spat in your mouth, your eyes going wide as you instinctively shut your mouth and swallowed.

"Good girl," he stroked your hair, lifting you up and carrying you to the bed. His lips locked with yours as you tasted his spit on your lips, letting him take control and move you in any way he pleased.

"But you've been a brat," he said pulling away. "And brats need to be punished."

With that he forced you over his knee, pulling your panties down as he positioned your hips higher, your ass raised. He fisted one hand into your hair and began softly stroking your ass with the other.

"You're going to count for me, baby. If you lose count, we'll start again. With each number, I'll tell you what you did wrong, okay?"

"Fuck, yes, yes sir." With another soft touch, he pulled his hand up and bought it back again down sharply, letting it cup your ass as you hissed from the sting.

"O-One."

"That was for being a brat in the office. Being so confident you missed some vital evidence that was staring you right in the face."

He did it again, and you squirmed under his touch.

"Two."

"That was for teasing me in front of Hotch. Making me get hard right there in the office before you went to interrogate that creep."

"That made you hard?" You gasped out as he cracked out another slap to your ass. "Three."

"That was for talking. You need to stop fucking talking." He stroked your ass again, delivering a fourth, fifth, and sixth blow in quick succession as you felt yourself leak your arousal all over his lap.

"That was for dressing like a little whore tonight. That was for flirting with Morgan. That was for letting another man touch you. What do you have to say for yourself now, brat?" Your breaths stuttered out of you as you tried to compose yourself, confident that he'd finished your punishment now.

"G-Go…. FuckFuck yourself." He growled and threw you back on the bed, ripping your dress off over your head and letting his lips return to yours as he trailed his hand to between your legs, finally pushing two fingers inside of you as you moaned and writhed beneath him.

" I hate you," you moaned in his ear as his lips trailed down to your breasts.

"You have a funny way of showing it." Your orgasm was rapidly approaching, so close you could practically taste it. He sensed it as well, though, and pulled his fingers out of you before you could reach that bliss.

"You thought it would be that easy, brat?" he whispered in your ear with a low chuckle before flipping you over to your front and thrusting his fingers back into you from behind, causing another moan to rip from your throat, uncontrollably loud in the otherwise silence of the motel at night.

Unzipping his pants and freeing his cock, you felt the weight of it on your ass as he rubbed his precum against your now bright red asscheeks.

"You're going to look so pretty with my cum decorating your ass baby. It's going to make your ass feel better, too."

"You're disgusting," you spit at him, but your hips push harder into his dick, trying desperately to capture him inside of you and force him to use you.

"No more talking, bitch. Take my fingers." He pushed a hand into your mouth and you started twirling your tongue around them, using your distraction to finally violently thrust his dick all the way inside you. You screamed at the sudden filling, cumming around his cock in an instant, trying to milk him for all he was worth. But he clamped a hand down over your mouth so that all that fell from your face was escaped tears and muffled pleas for more.

"Gonna use you like this baby, gonna make you admit you love me."

His thrusts gained a steady pace as your brain emptied beneath him, desperate for more of the pleasure his body was supplying you with. He released your mouth then, content that all your energy seemed to be spent on pushing your ass back into his, listening to the wet, sloppy sounds of your activity.

"Do you like that, brat? You like me making you feel like this, huh?" He slapped your ass again as he thrust, and you moaned back with a nod.

"Yes, Spencer, don't stop… Don't stop." You moaned again, another orgasm rolling over your body, causing you to clench unconsciously around his cock.

"So good baby, you're responding so well to my cock." He trailed a hand underneath you to your clit and started rubbing it in time to his thrusts.

"One more for me. One more and I'll pull out, okay? Just one more."

"I can't, Spencer I can't do it.." You whined underneath him, face fully buried in the motel pillows. You were surprised he even heard you through the tears as the material.

"Yes you can, baby, look you're so close already, just do one more."

"I hate you," you moaned again, feeling your third and final orgasm wash over you, your eyes rolling back in your head as your body started twitching and didn't stop. You felt a small twitch from him too, as he finished thrusting inside of you, letting a little bit of his cum escape into you before pulling out and decorating your ass with his ejaculation.

He fell by the side of you and gasped desperately for a few minutes, before grabbing a hot wet towel from the bathroom and cleaning your ass off.

"Spencer…" you croak out eventually, regaining some clarity, but still not moving much from your spot in his bed.

"Spencer, I don't hate you."

"I know. I don't hate you either. Which is probably for the best."

"What? Why?"

"Hotch just requested your transfer to the Quantico Office so you could start training with the BAU. You did a good job this week, Y/N." Your eyes started watering again and you gently pushed away tears as he laughed at you, asking why you were crying.

"I'm not happy," you joked.

"I just realized that means I have to work with you more." You both laughed at that. You didn't hate each other exactly, but that didn't mean you could work together well either.

And you didn't want to if this was the outcome of your bickering and hatred.

[petew21-blog]

Finish the scene

Fan:"So Tyler, is the rumour true that you will be reprising your role in Teen Wolf movie?"

Fans cheering, Tyler smiling

Jeff impatiently waiting for Tyler's answer

Tyler:"I guess the pack wouldn't be complete without Derek"

Fans loosing their mind over a another announced character in the new Teen Wolf movie

But someone is happier in a different way than all the fans combined. Someone's master plan is becoming real.

First day of shooting

Jeff:"Tyler, could you come to the set, please. We have to start rolling."

Tyler:"I'm sorry, it's about shooting Superman & Lois again. They want me to cut the hours on shooting Teen Wolf and come to them"

Jeff visibly angry:"Tyler? Could I speak to you for a minute in your trailer?"

Both entering. Tyler sits down on a chair

Tyler:"Look I can tell you're angry and I know I shouldn't have started the fight there, but you gave me no choice."

Jeff:"Oh don't worry about it. I'll make sure we're on the same page."

Jeff murmuring an incantation.

Tyler:"What are you...."

Jeff now waking up inside of Tyler's body.

Jeff:"An upgrade. Good. I have been lusting over this body for so long." Jeff looks to the camera of his phone. "Oh that's what I'm talking about baby"

Tyler:"How are you? What just happened?"

Jeff:"Don't worry about it. You won't remember any of this in a few seconds. You will feel like you have always been Jeff Davis. I'll wait for you to pick up all the memories and start acting as me. Then we'll talk"

Tyler:"I am not Jeff. I am... Jeff Hoech.... Jeff Davis. I am Jeff Davis."

Jeff:"Of course you are. And Jeff, sorry about the tantrum before. Of course I will finish the story with you. Superman can wait. And as an apology, would you be ok if I let you oil me up here for the next scene? I wanna look good and I know how much you like my muscles in action"

Jeff could see the visible boner his old body had while tracing his muscle lines, the ridges. Carefully placing the oil. Jeff wanted to play more, but the scene couldn't wait. Maybe he'll make his old body his own bitch later on. It's time to be the bad wolf now

And damn, did he now have the perfect body to play one. Maybe after this he should keep the body and continue as Superman. He could definitely get to do some interesting stuff

Two weeks later

Assistent:"Hey Tyler. So this was your last scene in the movie. I think there is something you should know. We found some sort of an altar in Jeff's trailer with your photos and other personal stuff. I thought you should know before leaving."

Jeff:"Thank you for letting me know"

Jeff to himself:"Fuck, I should have made sure he had no memories of his previous life. His mind is fighting for control through these moments. I can't keep him away from me, I wouldn't have control and he would still find a way. Maybe keeping him close as my personal slave... sorry assistent. Would be easier to manage"

Jeff:"So what do you think Jeff? Wanna stay close to me?"

Tyler:"Yes please. There is nothing I want more."

Jeff:"Good I need massage and I can tell you are dripping from only looking at my muscles"

Request from Inbox

Would be able to do a story where Jeff Davis steals Tyler Hoechlin’s body? Using Tyler’s agreeing to come back for the Teen Wolf movie to steal his body and life. Having always been jealous of his looks and muscles

[queenshelby]

The Price for Fame (Part Two)

Pairing: Dark!Cillian Murphy x Innocent!Reader

Warning: Manipulation, Infidelity, Smut, Dub-Con, Age-Gap, Cillian is being a bully in this one. It's pure filth.

Three days later, on set, with tension running high, you found yourself back in Cillian's trailer again for another meeting. 

You had screwed up a few scenes, unable to concentrate on your performance due to the mental anguish from the arrangement you had in place with Cillian despite the fact thar you were engaged to a good catholic man.

"I am sorry, I am just having troubles focusing," you told him as soon as you sat foot in his trailer, looking at Cillian with a mixture of shame and frustration in your eyes. You knew that he was upset and that you were in for a lecture after the director had complained about your performance once again. 

"Close the door behind you," was all he said before leaning back in his chair a

You did as you were told and took a seat opposite him, your hands splayed nervously on your lap. 

"It's not like me to mess up my lines like this, honestly, it's just ... I don't know," you began, trying to explain your uncharacteristic lack of focus.

"Like I said, we need to address this urgently. I can't afford to not deliver on this movie, and you really need to pull yourself together Y/N,"  Cillian lectured, his eyes burning holes into you as if trying to force his indignation into your soul.

While part of you wanted to argue, to defend yourself, another part of you just shyly nodded, shrinking beneath his disapproving gaze.

"Yes, I'm really sorry, I just... I don't know. I can't seem to shake this lately," you whispered, your voice barely above a whisper.

Cillian rolled his eyes impatiently.

"Listen, Y/N, I have half a mind to re-cast your role. I can't have you so unfocused and distracted when we're shooting such crucial scenes."

You looked at him, eyes wide with shock. You couldn't believe what you were hearing. You had dedicated so much time and energy to this role. You had even slept with him twice and now he was threatening to take it all away from you? The thought of losing your part in this film brought you to the brink of tears.

"Please, Cillian," you pleaded, your voice trembling with emotion. "I swear I'll do better. I just need some time to get myself back together."

Cillian leaned forward, his eyes locked on yours. "You have one week," he said, his tone stern. "One week to prove that you can focus and deliver a decent performance, or I'm replacing you."

You nodded frantically, feeling a mix of relief and desperation wash over you. You would do anything to keep your role in this film, even if it meant fighting through your personal struggles.

"Thank you Cillian ," you whispered, your shoulders slumping in exhaustion before you got up from your seat, causing him to shake his head.

"Don't leave just yet Y/N," he spoke gruffly, his tone dripping with need. You looked at him questioningly, your mind still spinning with the impending deadline.

"Come here and show me how thankful you are for this chance," Cillian demanded while suggestively unbuckling his belt.

"Please, Cillian. My fiancé is coming to visit me tonight. I can't do this," you pleaded with him, your desperation turning to panic.

Cillian chuckled before standing up from his seat and stalking towards you.

You backed away, your heart pounding in your chest as Cillian approached. But there was nowhere for you to go in the small trailer. He quickly closed the gap between you, pinning you against the wall.

"Do you want to keep your role in this movie?" he hissed in your ear, his warm breath causing you to shudder.

"Yes, yes, I do!" you stammered just before Cillian unzipped his jeans and freed his lengthy cock.

"Then prove it," he said, prompting you and, with your hands still shaking, you tentatively wrapped your fingers around his semi-hard shaft. 

Cillian's hands roamed your body, gently but forcefully, leaving no doubt that this was a sexually charged encounter. His large hands gripped your waist as he directed your own hand, guiding you to stroke his cock rhythmically.

You could feel his cock growing harder and thicker with every pump of your delicate hand.

"Good girl. Now get down on your knees," Cillian ordered you and you complied, hesitantly kneeling before him. Your heart was pounding in your chest, and your mind was racing with a mix of fear and guilt.

Feeling nauseous, you took a deep breath and stared at Cillian's cock which was already fully erect, dripping with pre-cum.

"Open your mouth, and stick out your tongue," Cillian demanded, his voice commanding and unyielding.

Reluctantly, you obeyed and stuck out your tongue, completely humiliated and submissive. Cillian smeared his pre-cum on your tongue with his finger, making you shudder with disgust.

"Hmm , good girl," he said, before he pushed his cock into your mouth, filling your mouth and throat, causing you to gag instantly. You tried to pull away, but Cillian gripped your hair tightly, preventing any escape.

"No, no, no. You're going to make me cum with that pretty little mouth of yours. Keep sucking it like a good little girl," Cillian moaned as he pushed himself deeper into your throat. The feeling of his cock hitting the back of your throat and the taste of his pre-cum was nauseating and arousing at the same time while Cillian's grip on your hair kept you from pulling away.

Tears streamed down your cheeks and trickled down your neck as you tried to take slow, shallow breaths. You could feel yourself starting to gag on his cock, but Cillian's hold on your hair tightened, and he kept pushing further down your throat.

"That's it. Keep sucking. That's it. Swallow it all, baby," he whispered lewdly as he grabbed your head, pulling you down onto his cock more roughly.

You gagged again, your throat constricting around his thick shaft. Cillian, sensing your discomfort, slowed down, pumping in and out of your mouth more leisurely, giving you time to adjust.

As he continued, his movements became faster, his guts churning in anticipation of orgasm. 

" Fuck, you're getting better at this," he grunted, his tone strained with pleasure. You could feel his balls tighten, signalling that he was close to releasing.

"You are going to swallow every drop of my cum, aren't you Y/N?" Cillian asked, clearly enjoying the dominance he was exerting on you and the thought of swallowing his seed made you feel sick.  But you knew it was the price you had to pay if you wanted to keep your job so you nodded, meekly and obediently.

"Good girl," Cillian cooed as he began to thrust his hips more frantically, pumping in and out of your mouth. Before long, he let out a deep groan, his cock pulsing as he erupted inside of your mouth.

You could taste his bitter semen on your tongue, feeling it slide down your throat. You tried to swallow it as quickly as possible, not wanting to linger on the taste and texture.

Cillian finally pulled out of your mouth, a sated grin on his face. He tucked himself back into his jeans and zipped them up before sitting back down in his chair. "That was good," he said simply, leaving you kneeling on his floor with tears streaming down your face. "You can get up now," he added, not even bothering to apologize for what he had just done.

You slowly got to your feet, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. The taste  of Cillian's semen was still lingering on your tongue, making you feel even more disgusted with yourself.

"I need to go," you murmured quietly, your voice hoarse from the recent forced oral.

Cillian just nodded, a smug grin on his face. "Sure thing, but I want to see you again tonight, just before you see your fiancé," he said, not even bothering to look at you as you made your way to the door.

You couldn't help but feel a mix of shame and anger as you stepped out of his trailer, the door slamming shut behind you.

Tags:

@sunbeamseas @saint-ackerman @oatmealisweird @naxxsstuff @amanda08319 @r-m-cidnah @elysiannook @cillshot @infireddabdab @tastycakee @harrysbestiee @lilybabe22 @adalynlowell @henrywintersdearestgirl @ietss @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @ryiamarie @axionn

@nela-cutie @futurecorps3 @delishen @nosebleeds-247 @thirteenis-myluckynumber @gills-lounge @hjmalmed @lost-fantasy @tiredkitten @sidechrisporn @smallsoulunknown @charqing-qing @hopefulinlove @aporiasposts @shycrybaby @me-and-your-husband @hjmalmed @lacontroller1991 @galxydefender @aporiasposts

@galxydefender @hunnibearrr @saint-ackerman @lunyyx @gentlemonsterjennie1 @ihavealotoffandomssorry @nadloves @lost-fantasy @nolucesn@mcavoy-girl @hjmalmed @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @blushykiss @tatumrileyslover @teawithsatanx @orijanko @rhaenyra4ever @xcinnamonmalfoyx @budugu @nadloves @kmc1989 @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @forgottenpeakywriter @smailaway @sophiaaguirred @blondie-22

[lakesparkles]

hii!!! would you be willing to do a little doodle of your nega ramona and gideon interacting? understandable if you don't take requests I'm just in LOVE with your design of her and your au in general!!! feel free to also use this ask to elaborate about the au more instead because id love to hear that too :D

Hi!! :D

Honestly, I wasn't going to draw this request today (I'm afraid I'm drawing Gideon too much lately lmao sorry, he just can't leave my mind). But I got some pretty weird comments on this AU of mine that made me kinda sad... so I kept rereading this ask to cheer me up and I'm very thankful you like her and this AU!! It really means a lot in this moment!

Now, the important part, yes, I take requests and I love this one:

Just a few things make Gideon feel uneasy. She's one of them. Not because he thinks she might be a ghost, but because she looks too similar to Ramona.

And more about the AU:

I would like to say I finally started writing a fanfiction about it and I'm close to finish the first chapter ^^

It'll be seven chapters long and it'll be hard to write ngl, I never wrote something like this before, usually my fics are cute ship things.

I can share the first scene:

Ramona and Gideon - I . . . She decides to leave one last time Or

Ramona remembers the seven reasons that made her fall in love with Gideon

She had that same fantasy every day. As she walked down the halls, running her fingers along the wall, she imagined herself entering her own room. It was satisfying, somehow. She could perfectly see herself opening her wardrobe, taking out the few things that really interested her, putting everything in her bag and simply walking away. In that fantasy, of course, she always smiled. She even laughed. That kind of hysterical and cathartic laughter only present in films. She wanted to imagine how Gideon would react: how long would it be before he realized she wasn't there anymore? Two weeks? And when would he realize that this wasn't just another one of her "famous tantrums"? Two months? Two years? Part of her was almost excited at the prospect of making him furious with such an accomplishment. It would be his turn to take endless turns through the halls, finally using his brain to try to understand what had gone so wrong between them. Maybe he would find out years later. Or perhaps that doubt would eat away at him for decades to come, the bitterness of her image never leaving his mind. And part of her… thought that wasn't realistic. She knew Gideon well enough to know that he would never even consider any mistake on his part, with a mixture of confusion that never ended well when it came to him. Or worst. He wouldn't even care about her lack of presence in that house. Therefore, Ramona released her fingers from the wall, slowly slowing down her steps until she stopped altogether. Then the fantasy ended. Every single time.

[sgiandubh]

Hi! Hope you’re well! What’s your favorite SC moment?

Dear Moment Anon,

I'm more than ok: enjoying a calmer week at the office and the lazy end of summer vibe, in this very old and very clumsy city like no other I've ever lived in - how about you?

Sorry for the delayed answer and blame it on the different time zones. I read your message this morning, while having my second frappé of the day and let it hang on somewhere, on the outskirts of my brain. So, there goes (and just so you know, I love this kind of questions):

There are so many, it's almost excruciating to pick one. But if I leave aside all the promo interviews, the BTS and the photoshoots (oh, the epic one in Prague and ah, the tender one in South Africa, hehe), it would have to be this, and not for the ehrm... reason you'd immediately think about:

The NYC Saks Fifth Avenue interview, on April 7, 2016. Blink it and you'll miss it, because it's all about the first 17 seconds of a very revealing moment (yes, her bag and yes, his trousers - IYKYK). He was flustered, he told her so, she immediately got the memo and went into full battledress mode. She did exactly what I would do and what you would do, for that matter: she spontaneously claimed him, calmed him down in two seconds and took the bull by the horns. That, Anon, is not your best friend pulling you out of a quirky situation, but flawless, genuine couple dynamics and Symbiosis 101. You can't make this up. This is not fan service. This is them.

On a very close second place, Icecreamgate in Atlanta (2018). But that is another story, at a different moment in time, when it was clear these people were consistently sharing way more than a spoon. A flat, for example.

And I cannot resist sharing with you what will always be, for me, a flagrant S&C/J&C overlapping moment, something that still moves me to tears, every damned single time:

We don't talk enough, I think, about the beauty that A. Malcolm is, probably because of the book crowd's disappointment. After reading carefully the scene in Voyager, I am going to stick with the movie. I know, oh là là, blasphemy again, but I found the book version wanting and a bit expected. Whereas, this...words are useless: what can perfect mean, when you watch it? Oh, Sam Roland Heughan, the acting powerhouse that you are (and totally unaware of it). But without a real life and love experience, this scene would have looked very differently, I think. Also, knowing what we do, by now, how is it possible not to find completely arresting and utterly moving that "there's the two of us, now" line, right there?

Thanks, Anon. I had something else in mind for this evening and I still do. A bit later, though. :)

[wrenreid]

Just Acting

18+ story

Chapter Twenty-Three

"Honey, I'm homeee."

"You don't live here."

"Way to kill my vibe, Y/n," Matthew says, shutting your front door.

You smile, standing up to kiss him before going to the kitchen.

"Welp, I don't know what to do with my life now."

Criminal Minds season 16 was officially wrapped as of last night.

"Hang out with me," you smile, turning to face him.

"Well duh."

These past few weeks with Matthew have been a dream- strange, but lovely. You still tease each other of course, but it's filled with humor rather than laced with venom as before.

He's fun and exciting, he takes you out on dates on whim, he's so much more affectionate that you'd thought. You can't stay mad at him for long, the dimples on his sweet face just melt away your frustration. The past month has been perfect. You're happier than ever.

"I think wrapping calls for celebratory sex, don't you?"

You turn back around to face him, expressing a shocked look on your face.

"That's highly inappropriate of you, Gubler."

"Ah last name," he says, wrapping his arms around your hips. "But I'll ignore it for a kiss."

You roll your eyes playfully and press your lips to his. It's slow and gentle until it's not. You end up with your back against the wall, his face above yours, lips pulling and sucking on each other's.

The two of you haven't slept together much since you started dating. He wanted to show you that he's not just it in for the physical stuff.

One day on set, in between scenes, his lips grazed your ear as he whispered, "I found ropes in the storage room. If you want to sneak away." You'd known you couldn't right then, and the feeling of his breath on your skin sent a wave of goosebumps down your body. You stayed quiet, looking forward, forcing your body to calm down.

When you'd finally gotten the chance, you pulled him by the hand, dragging him into the supply closet.

He chuckled softly and opened his mouth to say something.

"Shut up," you said, pressing your lips to his roughly.

Now, his lips roam your body as you lie on the couch. Your hands tangle into his hair, tugging at the curls. A moan leaves your mouth, and you bite your lip to quiet yourself as his tongue flicks against you. You pull his hair at the sensation that consumes your body.

_____

"Hello?... this Y/n," you answer your phone, slipping into your bedroom so you don't wake Matthew up. "Wait really? Oh my gosh!... yes.... yes.... thank you!.... wait what?... London? I thought it was in San Francisco!... I see.... I'll get back to you by the weekend, yes.... thanks." You hang up the call, sitting on your bed with your head hung down.

"Hey, darling," Matthew says, walking into your room. He's wearing his jeans again. "I was thinking we could go out for dinner tonight? There's this new sushi place I want to try- are you alright?"

You look up at him. "Yeah, I'm great. Sushi? Sounds lovely."

"Great," he smiles, dimples prominent against his cheeks. "I will pick you up at 8, I have an errand to run with Steve today."

Steve is Paget's husband, Matthew's friend.  You nod. "Okay," you shoot him a smile.

"I will see you later, beautiful." Matthew kisses your head then heads back into your living room to finish getting dressed. You here the door close shortly after.

London? Holy shit.

You didn't tell Matthew at dinner the other day, and you haven't told him now. The deadline for your answer is tonight. In simple terms, you're freaking the fuck out.

How do you even bring up the subject? Hey, Matthew, I'm leaving the country in a few weeks. Sorry! Doesn't seem fitting. So drinks it is.

He'll be walking through your door in about twenty minutes, and you're trying to muster up a sentence. But how can you tell your boyfriend what's going on when you don't entirely know what's going on? You're not even sure you're going to go.

You sigh, getting the wine out of the cooler and placing it on the table. You made dinner, well tried to make dinner, but it seems edible enough.

You change shirts, seeing that you got spaghetti sauce on the one you were in. You're now wearing a red tank with a grey cardigan, that you stole from Matthew without him knowing, and black leggings that you've had on since this morning.

Maybe a part of you is on edge because you're not sure what would happen if you did choose to leave, you think. And maybe it's because no one knows if you'll get picked up for another season.

As you walk back out of your room, Matthew walks in the door with a smile plastered on his adorable face. "Smells good. Burned, but good."

You laugh softly, worry and sadness laced into it. "Yeah, I forgot to set the timer for 30 instead of 40. Sorry."

"Burned or not, I'm sure it'll be great."

You flash him a smile before sitting down at your dining area table. You put some of the lasagna on a plate for him, then for you, and pour yourselves some wine.

"Ooh she‘a fancy," Matthew says with a chuckle.

"You're a dork."

"Maybe, but you like it," he winks at you.

"Eh," you say and he acts offended.

The two of you eat dinner, mostly in a comfortable silence.

"It's horrible isn't it?"

"No!" Matthew says, grabbing your hand. "I'm definitely a better cook than you, but it is not bad."

You roll your eyes playfully. "I knew I should've suckered you into cooking."

He smiles, taking a drink from his glass. You can't help but return the gesture, his smile is contagious, dimples, bright teeth, honey eyes squinting slightly.

"So," you breathe, "I need to talk to you about something."

"Okay. I'm all ears."

"A few months ago I auditioned for this movie. I didn't really think I'd ever get the part, so I almost forgot about it. Until I got a callback right before we wrapped. And I found out that the part is mine..."

"Y/n, that's amazing!" Matthew smiles, squeezing your hand.

"If I want it."

"Why wouldn't you?"

"It shoots in London. I'd have to leave in three weeks," your expression gets even sadder as you watch his face fall.

"Oh," he says, furrowing his eyebrows softly.

"But I don't think I'm going to take it."

"Y/n-"

"I don't want to leave you. I mean, we just got to a happy point with each other. What if leaving for four months changes that?"

"Y/n, you need to take this job. It's an amazing opportunity, and I can tell you want to do it,” Matthew says.

"But-"

"We'll be fine. I'm not going to stop loving you because you're 5 thousand miles away."

Loving. He said the L word.

You avert your gaze from the table to his eyes. "You love me?" You almost say it in a whisper.

"Of course I do."

Your lips perk up at the corners. "But what if-"

"If you want this role, you should have it. Nothing should stop you from doing what you love."

It's your turn to furrow your eyebrows now. You sigh. "I'll call them and tell them I'm ready for the full script then."

Matthew smiles. "Great. I'm really happy for you."

You hug him, sitting in his lap. "Thank you."

"For the record, I better get calls every damn day while you're gone."

You laugh softly. "Oh don't doubt for a second I won't bug you from another country."

_____

You're sitting on your couch, reading the script when Matthew walks into your apartment.

"You still never learned to knock, huh babe?"

He laughs, plopping onto the couch beside you. "Nope."

You smile, eyes still scanning the words on the pages before you.

"One week before you leave me forever."

"You're so dramatic, Gube."

"I know," he says as sweetly as he can. "I'm going to miss you."

You toss the script on the coffee table. "Nope. None of that. No sappy pre-goodbyes yet. One normal week before we actually have to say goodbye, okay?"

Matthew nods. "Okay. So we can't have hot goodbye sex?"

"Matthew!" Your eyes widen as you smile toward him. "Okay fine, we can have hot goodbye sex. In a week."

"Damn, that's cold."

This movie is anticipated to be a big hit. Your character, Carter, is a 28 year old med student, studying abroad for the semester. She meets this girl and they become instant friends, until they become more. It's supposed to be an adventurous and sweet film.

_____

The dreaded goodbye is approaching quicker than you'd appreciate. Of course, you're excited about this part, excited to see London for the first time, and excited to be getting more successful, but it stings at your chest to know you have to leave your friends, your family, and Matthew behind for a while. It's not like he can come with you either. He might miss a job opportunity and he has a few book signings coming up.

You wish you stretch out the week, but it decides to blow past you like a nascar driver.

Tomorrow. You leave tomorrow.

tags: @pauline5525mgg @theintimatewriter @lilibet261 @greysviolets @jazzymariexoxoc @one-sweet-gubler @thatsonezesty13 @necromaniackat @awhoreforspencerreid @sebs-oxygen @scarredelirium @bts-sugaplum @awesomeness1679 @preciousbabypeter @yazzyu @cynbx @r3idsp3ncer @1010lizz @tiredbut-here @skulzombiw @lena-1895 @eevee0722 @danis-stuff-is-here @kylakins88 @daydreamingqueen1 @regulus-black-223048 @virginmusicloverr36 @inlovewithcharmers @f-me-reid @matthew-gray-gubler-lover @lovejules888 @marimorena06 <3

[arvensimp]

your father should know, pt. 2

Arven leaves you with something more than either of you bargained for when he goes off to Kalos for an internship, and through a series of miscommunications and heartbreak, he returns a few years later to learn that he actually has a child.

arven x reader, nsfw content, pregnancy, angst, and stupid miscommunications

[part 1]

thanks for your patience waiting for this part!! also thank you to my beautiful betas for helping me <3

~

You're very grateful to Nemona, for having her nearby back when the doctor first confirmed your pregnancy. As excitable as she is, her Type A personality proved pretty handy in the moment. Yes, she got you home safe and sound, but she was also able to get appointments scheduled for you right then and there for whatever choice you decided to make moving forward.

You were hoping to have Arven with you to help you make a choice on what to do, but... Well, he has other things to focus on, and you're not going to begrudge him that. You won't let yourself think about it any further.

So you sit at your kitchen table with two different appointment cards in front of you to see your OBGYN's office. One is for a termination, the other is to go over...whatever you'll need to do if you decide you don't want to go through with the former appointment.

You have to cancel one of them. The fridge thrums behind you, a monotonous white noise that you wish you could focus on instead of the task ahead.

You press your forehead into your fingertips.

Okay.

Can you do this?

You're a champion of Paldea. One of the most beloved figures of the Pokemon scene in the region. You're powerful, with financial security to spare to be a single mother.

Can you be a mom?

Well...you feel like your Pokemon love you well enough. You love them like babies. Obviously a human is different. Especially if it's yours and...well, yeah. You think you can be a mom.

Lastly then, the question becomes: do you want to do this? At the end of the day, no one is forcing you one way or another. That's one blessing, at least, about being abandoned. Not abandoned. That's one blessing of being independent. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

You think... You think you've been thinking about this for a long time, as you have all the other questions. You do want this. You want to have a baby, your own sweet little one. They'll be so cute. They have to be, given their parentage.

…You try not to dwell on that part too much, but it's a little difficult.

Is it wrong to carry his baby without him? What if he doesn't want a child out there? Well. No. He must not care. If he did, he'd have said something. You don't have to worry about this being a betrayal of trust on your part.

Moving forward, you only need to worry about betraying the trust of the tiny life growing within you.

And...well, that thought gives you pause.

You finally allow your fingers to linger featherlight over your abdomen. You're nowhere near showing, nor can you feel anything substantial or physical there, but... You feel something.

Attachment. Devotion. Loyalty.

You don't know if this little thing is even the size of an oran berry yet, but... You've got a fierce love for it already just after thinking about it a little bit.

If your mind wasn't already made up, that would have made the decision for you.

You’re a mother now.

In the morning you call your OBGYN and cancel the tentative appointment to terminate. You'll be by later in the week to go over needs and expectations.

-

The automatic doors to the league slide open with a swipe of your access card, and stark white greets you. This isn't an easy conversation, and it's one that you can't put off for much longer. Beyond the fact that you'll start showing soon, Nemona has been chomping at the bit to talk about the baby at work and with anyone who'll listen. She's just so excited to be a tía, and if you don't tell La Primera soon, then you won't have control of the news when it eventually breaks.

You sit in the chair opposite her desk, feeling entirely too nervous, your hands clasped in your lap, thumbs twiddling. "Thanks for taking the time to meet with me today, Geeta." You start.

"Absolutely." She responds with her usual, impassive smile. "How can I be of service?"

"I, uh. I need to give you an advance notice of..." You swallow. "Of some need for medical leave."

Your boss tilts her head just slightly to the side, her massive mane of hair shimmering like an oil slick in the florescent light with just the smallest movement. "Oh?" You still can't read her true emotion well, but she's projecting the idea of concern. "Is everything alright?"

You will yourself not to touch your abdomen as you had been doing absent mindedly more and more often as of late. The habit grew on you more quickly than you'd expected. "Yes. I just, uh. Well... I'll be having a baby in a few months, and I know I'll be out of commission for a while."

"I see." Geeta's eyes flick almost imperceptibly down to your hands. Truth be told it's a movement that you would have missed if you hadn't spent countless hours learning to read her for the slightest tells through her battling. You feel a flush burn through your cheeks. Should you start wearing a ring?

"Congratulations and thank you for letting me know." Geeta is smiling at you again. "I completely understand. I'll see about having HR send you all the necessary paperwork, so we can get you all sorted. If I remember correctly, we offer a few flexible plans for expectant parents. Just choose whichever suits you best, and we can go from there." She's already turned to her computer and opened up an email, likely to the HR rep.

"Thank you," You reply, breathing a small sigh of relief. This really wasn't as painful as you were expecting.

"Just... One thing." Geeta adds, not looking back at you from her computer until she continues with a sigh. "We're going to want to keep you away from participation in field research tasks, the Ace Academy Tournament, and Championship testing for a short while."

She raises a single gloved hand in time with your cry of "What?!"

"You and I both know you are more than capable of holding your own, but..." She sighs. "Battling can still be dangerous, and we both know that Paldea still isn't the most well-known for its love of Pokemon. We're still building the league up. You know I trust you, but Arceus forbid something...unpleasant were to happen while on League business..." She pauses, and you nod, already resigned.

"I understand, Geeta. Better safe than sorry. I'd hate to hold the League back in any way at all." It feels weird saying it, but it isn't a lie? Firstly, you obviously don't want to hurt your little tamato berry (that's apparently how big it is now!), but also you genuinely wouldn't want anything to be associated with the League on the off chance that the unthinkable happened. "So... What will you have me do?"

Geeta leans forward, resting her chin in her gloved hands with a frown. "We've always got more paperwork."

-

The rest of the week is spent working closely with Geeta to wrap up your current research assignments that you owe to Jacq. There's nothing terribly dangerous or strenuous in what he'd had you doing, but...

"Are you serious?!" He nearly shouts when you give him the news. Jacq adjusts his glasses and eyes your body up and down in a way that would make you feel far more uncomfortable if not for the fact that you know he's very clearly looking for a bump, examining you in that way that only scientists seem to do without shame. 

"Yup..." You tell him, shifting awkwardly under his stare.

"Well, congrats! Who's the lucky dad?" He asks, clapping your shoulder jovially. 

You swallow. This has been easier to tell your doctor. Jacq is a friend. Your old teacher. You know him.

He picks up on your silence and lets his hand drop from you, going to scratch the back of his head uncomfortably. "Ah... Sorry about that! Anyway," He moves on quickly, turning to the board with his notes. "It's no big deal! You've given me plenty to work with. I can definitely just do data analysis for a while... And maybe one of the other champions can help me with some of the Area Zero research we're looking to do..."

Your heart squeezes. You're usually the one who gets sent into Area Zero. Most other champions don't have the constitution for solo trips or are too busy with other assignments.

You sigh. "Sorry, Jacq. It won't be forever though?"

He smiles back at you warmly. "Oh definitely! Don't worry about it, really! And congratulations! I'm super excited for you. Lemme know if you need anything, okay?"

You give him a smaller smile in response, still not feeling great about it all, and head to the door.

"Definitely."

You haven't even made it back to the entrance hall before you hear another familiar voice.

"Ah! Well, if it isn't one of our most illustrious champions."

"Director." You steel yourself and greet him with a nod.

Clavell catches up with you quickly. "It's been a minute since we've had you in the halls, hasn't it? To what do we owe the pleasure?" He asks, gesturing for you to follow him as he walks.

"Um. Yeah... It has," You say, moving at a bit of a faster clip to keep up with the director. "I was just checking in with Jacq on the latest for his research." 

"Is that so?" He says in that kind way that somehow also feels like he knows more than he's letting on.

You laugh a little nervously. "Yup! Just a check in..." Does he already know? Who would have told him? Geeta? Nemona? That would have been an invasion of privacy, right? "I, uh... I won't be able to be out in the field for a minute, so..."

Clavell raises an eyebrow as he looks down at you, still walking. "Should we continue this conversation in my office?"

"Sure?"

It's strange sitting in front of Clavell's desk again, especially like this. You're not his student anymore, yet you still feel like you're in trouble or about to get a lecture.

"So you're stepping back from fieldwork?" He asks you, looking genuinely concerned. "Did something happen?"

"Well..." You wriggle uncomfortably in the plush leather seat. "I'm actually pregnant, and La Primera and I decided it'd be for the best if I--"

"Congratulations!" The director interrupts, rather uncharacteristically. "That's marvelous news. I hadn't even known you were in a relationship."

You look down. "Yeah..."

From your peripheral you can see Clavell adjust his glasses on his nose. "So the father...?"

You feel a lump forming in your throat. This wouldn't be quite as hard if not for the fact that you had just gone through it with Jacq, and you still feel pretty raw about it. "He... Um. He doesn't seem to want to be involved, I guess..."

Clavell clears his throat. "I see... Well. I hope you know you have every resource here at the academy at your disposal, should you ever need anything."

The lump sitting there just above your vocal folds get impossibly tighter, so you just nod, squeezing your hands into fists on your knees.

Clavell tsks softly, standing and moving around. When he offers his spread arms in a hug, you take him up on it.

He won't tell if you happened to cry a little bit.

He's dealt with struggling single parents in his office before, and it's never easy.

-

So you end up working office duty with the League.

It's quiet, mostly, but the offices are nice. Larry gives you the low down on everything you need to know and then leaves you alone. You go to either him or to Rika if you have any questions about certain forms or which things go where.

All in all it's not bad. Not...exciting. Definitely not your preferred way to spend the rest of your life, but... Well, you know it isn't permanent.

Plus, as you get bigger and start having to walk less and waddle more, the ease of a desk job is kind of nice. Far better than riding a dragon at least.

You're sitting at your desk one day when the most delicious smell wafts through the office, and it nearly gets you drooling.

Whatever it is... You...you have to have it. You want it so bad it almost makes you want to cry.

What the fuck...

With a sigh and a bit of a grunt you stand and peak out the door to your office, following the smell to the break room.

Larry spots you from his seat at the table almost immediately, looking up at you from beneath his massive, bushy brows.

"Good afternoon." He shuts the tupperware containing his lunch. "I apologize if the smell was a little strong. I didn't intend for it to be. I can move outside if--"

"No!" You interrupt, entirely too loudly. "It smells really, really good actually." You swallow, eyeing the container reverently. "Super good. Uh... What is it?" Can I have it, can I have it? Let me have it, I want it, I want it, I need it NOW.

"Oh." Larry opens up the tupperware once more, and you actually feel the sting of your mouth salivating anew. "Just some grilled rice balls. Remember the ones from the gym challenge? Same ones, extra lemon."

"...Oh..." Did you lick your lips? You don't know. You may have. All you know is that the food there sounds...so good.

Larry calls your name in his usual dull monotone, breaking you from your craving trance. "Would you like some?"

You're in the chair across from him faster than you care to admit, and Larry smiles a small, tired kind of smile at you.

From then on, he seems to make a habit to bring along extra food to work. He keeps a pint of ice cream for you in the freezer too, just in case you have a day where things feel bad. He says ice cream can usually help with that sort of thing.

In fact, not too long later, he imagines you might be having one of those days. Larry isn't really one to pry. He likes to come in, do work, take his 15 minute break, work some more, take his lunch, work, take another break, then go home. But...with a pregnant lady in the office, he can't help but secretly fret just a little bit. Not in a weird way or something, but he keeps an ear out, just in case.

So when he hears soft sniffling coming from your office one day after you'd come back from some appointment or other he's a little nervous. He doesn't actually want you talking to him or crying on him or something... But you're clearly upset. Not upset enough to just go home, so it can't be that bad, but...

He goes back to the break room, grabs the ice cream and a spoon, sets them both outside your door, knocks gently, then leaves.

Ice cream should help.

That said, he still bristles when you inevitably knock on his door a few minutes later, the spoon in your mouth and the pint of raspberry cheesecake ice cream in your hands.

"...Thank you..." You say miserably around the metal in your mouth, eyes cast to the floor.

"No problem. ...Is it helping?" Larry asks, trying to focus on the spreadsheet he's working on. Stupid pivot tables.

"Yeah..." You come in uninvited and sit in the seat across from him. This isn't really what he was hoping to deal with, but it's fine. He can listen.

Except you don't talk. You just sit with him, slowly spooning more of the treat into your mouth. Eventually Larry hazards a look at you. Your eyes are rimmed red, but you don't look too terrible, honestly.

He sighs but it doesn't sound agitated. "How can I help?"

Now that you've been prompted, you reach into your pocket and reveal several tiny squares of paper, lining them up on his desk.

"Look!" You tell him, the sound coming out kinda wet and sad.

They're...ultrasound photos?

"Uh... Very nice?" Larry asks you.

"Aren't they beautiful?" You hiccup around the spoon.

At that time Rika just happens to be making her afternoon rounds, when she picks up on your whimpering and storms into the office.

"Hey! Is this geezer giving you a hard time, Mama?" She asks you affectionately, rubbing your shoulders.

"Come on now," Larry says, exasperated, as you shake your head.

"I'm just being silly." You tell her, gesturing to the pictures. "They did a little photoshoot today." The sentence is punctuated with a loud sniffle.

Rika scoops up the lot and overdramatically coos over them. She doesn't seem much like one for kids herself, but she's been very nice to you since you've been put on desk duty. She asks how you're feeling regularly and offers you decaf coffee or tea whenever she goes to make some for herself. From time to time she also walks out of the building with you, just making sure you get to a cab safely.

"Yeah, I dunno entirely what I'm looking at, but I'm positive it's cute." She points to a particular splotch on a photo. "Like that? That's it, right? The little bun you got baking in there? Kinda looks like a clodsire!"

"Rika..." Larry interjects, glancing at you. Truth be told he can kinda see the clodsire-ish shape? But he's never actually been one to be able to read an ink blot test, much less something as complicated as an ultrasound.

You laugh. "Wanna keep it?" You ask her. "I had them print a ton."

Rika pockets the photo. "Hell yeah I wanna keep it. I'm betting this lil bean a'yers is basically gonna be the next Poppy, so I'm gonna be its biggest fan from before day 1."

You can't help but laugh again. "Thank you..."

Rika slides a photo over to Larry. "You're gonna be its fan, too, right?" She smiles wide and somewhat menacing, but who's to say if there's any real malice behind it.

Larry takes the picture gingerly from her. "Of course."

And for some reason that has you blubbering wetly all over again.

"Thank you both..."

"Oh, just eat your ice cream..." Larry tells you, and when he says it, it's not harsh or mean. Just kind of paternal, as if the treat will fix your hormones.

"C'mon, Mama," Rika tells you, helping you to your feet with a shocking bit of strength for her lanky frame. "I think Larry can only handle so many tears in one sitting. Let's go give a photo to La Primera, yeah?"

You nod and are led out of the office.

Only then does Larry give a sigh of relief.

He pins the little black and white photo up on his corkboard later. He can't tell anything about what's actually in it. Like what's a foot or a nose or something, but...well it makes him happy somehow. Something about the future and all that.

-

Rika's the first one who feels the baby kick. Nemona swore up and down that it would be her, but it just so happens that Rika's around when you're feeling those fluttery jumbles inside one day. You'd, of course, been feeling them for a while now, but no one else had been able to pick up on it, much to your... Well, you weren't sure if it was satisfaction or dissatisfaction. Up until now, your little potato had only been yours, but when someone else is eventually able to feel it...then it's not just yours anymore, is it? What a strange feeling.

Regardless, Rika had asked if you were down for a light match, just some training between some of your younger pokemon, parts of your teams that you were hoping to train up for the future.

"But La Primera..."

"The Boss told you not to take part in any serious battling. I saw your plan. I'm basically HR here, remember?" She shoots you a wink. "No pressure if you don't wanna, but I know I'd be itching to battle if I were you." It's true... Nemona's been taking some of your heavier hitters out for work outs from time to time, as had Dendra once, but you really miss being in the driver's seat.

You hum thoughtfully. "Lemme go through my boxes and think about it?"

"Sure thing." Rika plops down in your office chair, opposite your desk and starts playing on her rotom phone while you scroll through your boxes.

...You'd been thinking at one point about working out an all paradox team, but that's out of the question right now. You couldn't handle a crazy time-loopy volcarona if it got too wild.

There are a few water types you were thinking about training up, but that also feels unfair specifically to Rika who specializes in ground... Then something catches your eye.

An egg. You don't entirely remember when you'd put it in a box or where it came from, but the growing maternal part of you screams to let it come be part of the family, so you send for it along with a teddiursa you'd caught a few months back.

All in all, the battling itself isn't terribly exciting by your typical standards. You and Teddiursa barely know each other after all, and it isn't quite ready to lend you its full trust, but you know it has sass and spark. The two of you go up against one of Rika's younger wooper, not really battling to faint. Just to have some fun.

The shouting and excitement must do something for the baby though because it jolts inside you, knocking you off balance and kicking the air from your lungs. You stagger a bit, gripping your midsection with an unladylike grunt, and Rika dashes to you quick as a Cinderace.

"Hey hey hey, what's up?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine. Just got sucker punched or kicked, I think? Here, wanna feel? That was pretty strong." It's such a bizarre experience you don't even think about the weirdness of asking Rika if she wants to touch you. She just takes you up on the offer, laying both hands on the roundness of your abdomen.

She stands still like that for a moment, then two, then three before you feel your baby wiggling around again, and her eyes go wide as a jigglypuff's. "Holy shit that's weird," She says with a laugh, pressing a bit against the feeling to see if she can get the baby to respond more. "Hey! You in there?" She says to them. "Seems like you might wanna battle some day. Well, don't let your Auntie Nemona know, kay? She'll never let you go a day without it."

The baby kicks solidly against one of her hands, and she laughs, pulling back.

"Kid's got fire! We like to see it!"

-

"The Kickening" as it comes to be known, kind of creates a silly sort of mock-rivalry between Rika and Nemona for who they think will make the best auntie/tía, which rises to a fever pitch between them when it comes to planning your baby shower. That said, you insist to the pair that you don't want to make any huge sort of fuss. Maybe a small party, no major gifts. You just need some essentials. Things like diapers, maybe some formula, and that's it. You feel like you've been a burden already, slowing down Jacq's research, not able to contribute to the league as you usually do, even unable to train your team as you want.

Nemona vehemently disagrees, but Rika seems to calm her down. "We should listen to the mama on this one." She throws a wink your way. "How about this, Nemona. Why don't I take our sweet girl out for a day of pampering instead?"

"Hey, what?" You and Nemona both cry at once, but Rika is already dragging you to the door, a grin evident on her features.

"C'mon... I'm sure Nems can see herself out."

And somehow it works?

Rika gets you out of the house that morning in your sweats and into one of those cute, trendy maternity stores that you'd sort of been avoiding because you were putting off buying new clothes for yourself when you knew there was still so much to buy for the baby... But then again you also hadn't been buying terribly much on that front either, having only just completed your research and created the list of which products you want.

So you get squeezed? Actually not squeezed. Actually comfortably fit! Into a nice flowy dress that makes you look and feel super cute. Your reflection smiles back at you from the mirror, and you look down to your bump which looks very comfortable and snug as a bug in the shapewear you've got on beneath the dress. You do a little swish for yourself, admiring the way the fabric flows a bit. The skirt of the dress isn't terribly over-the-top flowy, but it's got that nice amount of swing to it.

You feel pretty. Not that you have felt particularly bad lately, but... Well, you hadn't thought much about yourself. You haven't had the time.

Before you leave the shop, Rika also buys you one of those popular L&D dresses that you can wear in the hospital rather than a drab and shapeless gown. It's apparently got all the bits and bobs and holes and whatever that you'll need to...have a baby and look cute doing it? You're not totally sure, but the dress looks nice enough, and the fabric feels soft and cool on your fingers.

Next up on your little day of pampering is a pre-natal massage at a spa. You try to tell Rika that this is way too much, that you can't accept something so fancy, but she just laughs and pushes you forward, tipping your massage therapist before you even go back to undress, telling the woman that you're "a very important woman to the region."

Your therapist is incredible, working away tension that you hadn't realized you developed in your shoulders and lower back. She speaks softly and kindly, with one of those voices that you might expect to hear in an ASMR video. She doesn't even care when you accidentally moan a little bit when she worked out a particular knot in your shoulder that you hadn't realized was bugging you.

By the time you're back on your feet, you feel like you might actually have grown 2 or 3 centimeters.

You waddle back out to Rika with a blissed out smile on your face.

"That good?"

You just nod.

"Good. We're not done though."

Next thing you know you're being taken to a local birthing center where they're starting up a session of Lamaze classes.

Truth be told you've been interested in taking classes like these but were too nervous to sign up since...well, you don't have a partner.

Rika slips a companionable arm around your shoulder.

"Feel free to say no to this if you don't want to, but one of the tenents of their practice here is advocacy for the birthing person in L&D, and I thought you might like that? I can be with you every step of the way, too. If you want, 'course." She sniffs casually.

"Like...you'll take the class too?" You ask, wincing. She's really okay with that?

"Hell yeah. Only if you want though. There's absolutely no pressure. Yeah?"

And because she's Rika, ever casual, you know she means it.

You nod.

"Yeah. This...this should be good."

And it is! It's only an introductory class, and you'll be back over for the next few weeks to learn more, but it feels good to be learning something in a group setting.

You also wouldn't say this if you were prompted, but it's nice not to feel alone. Sure, Rika isn't your girlfriend or your wife, but she makes for a great partner, solid and steady as the ground, funnily enough.

The two of you leave class, arms linked, laughing over what the instructor told the class about stupid things that dads say in the delivery room. 

"Are you here to seduce my wife?" Rika says in a mockingly deep voice.

"Darling, the term is induce." You reply in a similarly silly voice, your tone wavering with the effort it takes not to giggle

"Well, either way, I'm not so sure I like it!"

Conversation falls back to light and easy topics from there as you make your way together back to your place.

"You really didn't have to walk me all this way home, y'know," You tell Rika as you unlock the door.

"Eh, it's fine. Gotta make sure you get home safe and all that." She replies, reaching over you to prop open the door for you to enter once your key leaves the lock.

"Yeah, yeah, precious cargo and all that. Come on in. At least have something to drink before you go."

You flip on the light to your entryway and living room space.

"SURPRISE!"

You screech (and truth be told you might even pee a little, but no one has to know that part).

In your living room is nearly everyone you care about in the damn region, decked out in pinks, blues, and yellows with super gaudy and over the top baby shower decor littering your entire apartment.

Nemona tackles you about as gently as a pregnant woman can be tackled.

"Don't be mad, don't be mad, don't be mad! We all just wanted to celebrate you and the baby, okay?!" She's biting her lip and hopping up and down excitedly.

"Are you guys for real?" You ask, and you're not totally sure what emotion you're feeling in the moment.

"Of course," Rika tells you, slinging her arm over your shoulder. "We all love you, y'know?"

"Actually," Larry speaks up from his seat on your sofa, where he's wearing a soft pink party hat with a tiny yellow puff ball. "I'd like to maintain a friendly working relationship here, but I was outvot--" 

Hassel elbows him jovially in the gut. He's already crying. "Don't worry aboud him." He sniffles, "We're all jus' so habby for you!" Brassius is on his other side, patting his knee.

And maybe it's Hassel? Maybe it's just the entire day's kindness and goodness, but the tears start flowing then and there. Big, ugly sobs wracking through your chest even though you're smiling and thanking everybody.

Nemona and Rika are of course hugging you, but a few others join in on the group hug as well, including Hassel, Salvatore, Saguaro, and Katy.

When you seem to have calmed down a bit (at least enough to form sentences again), Nemona takes your hands. "Here. Lemme show you what we did."

She guides you to the spare bedroom that you kept telling yourself would be the nursery for the baby...and inside... It's like Christmas morning for how many gifts litter the place. It's no longer your spare room for your camping equipment (you'll need to ask Nemona where she or whoever else put that). It's...it's a nursery now.

The crib that you wanted is there, assembled and everything. The car seat/stroller combo you'd been eyeing is also sitting in a corner, and there are so many other gifts, you're not quite sure what to do.

"Do... Do I open them now?" You ask, blinking back more tears. "I need to find stationary!"

"Already gotcha covered," Nemona tells you, notepad in hand. She assigns herself the task of noting down who has gifted you what for thank you note writing purposes later.

As it turns out, the crib is a gift from La Primera herself, lovingly assembled by the leaders of Team Star who leave not long after you thank them profusely. Penny also throws in a state-of-the-art baby monitor that she promises to show you how to use later. The car seat/stroller combo is Nemona's gift.

"I'm telling you, I want to find an engineer or someone who can figure out a way to create a baby side car that we can hook up to Raidon! But no one will take me up on the offer..."

"Yeah, Nems... I believe you..."

Hassel gifts you with a gorgeously refurbished, antique rocking chair with a beautiful swirling design etched into the sides of the arms and the rockers, while Brassius made a tiny mobile that hangs above the crib with little sunkerns and applins dancing in a circle.

"Special commission for a special champion." He tells you with a wink. "Not entirely Avant Garde, but we'll start the baby's art education young."

Larry goes next, opting to give you his gift, so he can politely excuse himself. "I know they're not very fun," He says with a shrug, depositing the massive box of diapers in an appropriate place. "But you'd probably have more fun shopping for fun things than I would anyway."

You give him a quick side hug and release him from his social obligation.

Saguaro's gift, a fancy pink high chair, is actually in the kitchen next to your dining table, near all the pastries that Katy brought for you and everyone. He shows you all of the different adjustments and things on it, but also makes sure that you know where he put the assembly guide which has instructions as well.

At this point, Salvatore is nearly bouncing with excitement to give you his gifts. Firstly, his wife wanted to be sure you got a little baby saucer for the baby to play in, but more importantly. "Baby sign language is the future!" Salvatore tells you, thrusting the book into your hands. "You'll be able to communicate with one another so much sooner than you could with words! Isn't that wonderful?"

Jacq also ends up giving you a ton of baby books, as well as a small bookshelf "To grow their library!" Included are some of those fabric page books that can't be torn or plastic books that can be taken in the bath, as well as some with buttons or finger puppets included. It's pretty clear that Jacq had a blast going through the children's section at the bookstore.

When you open up the gift from Tulip (which was also hastily signed as being from Dendra and Miriam as well) you're a bit confused. "Thank you so much. This is all...skincare and body care?"

"Of course," Tulip tells you in that beautiful twinkling voice of hers. "A good mother is one who takes care of herself, too. You can't pour from a cup that's empty. Remember that, okay?"

You nod and make a silent promise to take her words to heart.

Lastly, Director Clavell approaches you with two different gift bags. The first contains a few books on parenting that he claims were very useful to him "back in the day," and the other....

"'Love Clive?'" You ask with a smile. Clavell adjusts his glasses on the bridge of his nose. 

"Of course. Your good buddy Clive sends his best regards and wanted to let you know to, ahem, 'Stay cheugy.'"

That gets the younger crowd absolutely roaring with laughter, much to Clavell's confusion, but he lets it slide.

Inside the gift bag is a tiny leather jacket, perfect for a little rocker baby. You stick out your lower lip as you run your thumbs across the tidy stitching. "Oh my goodness..." You hold it tight to your chest. It's so small, and you don't want to cry again, but Hassel's loud sniffling is making it difficult.

Clavell coughs into his fist. "A-actually, you know what, Clive might want to return the jacket..." He tells you, reaching for it.

"What, why?" You ask before noticing that several faces in the room have turned red from folks holding back laughter. You look down at the little garment again and turn it over in your hands.

On the back is a massive sewn-on patch with a winking brown coil and word art that stretches above and below it reading 'Poo Monster.'

"O-Oh no!" You cry, shaking with laughter as the rest of the room bursts out with you.

Clavell, for his part, looks suitably mortified, mumbling about how he had no idea about the art on the back, but you insist it gives the jacket even more charm, not daring to let him take it back.

The rest of the party goes well enough with games and snacks. Dendra and Nemona get a little too intense when it comes to competition, but it's all in good fun.

At one point, Miriam takes you aside and starts drilling you a bit. Nothing mean, but she wants to be sure you're prepared for what's to come in L&D.

She's about to launch into another horror story when Tulip stops her. "I think you've scared our darling champion enough for today, Dearest. This is a party, after all."

Miriam looks almost appropriately apologetic. "Sorry! Was I really scaring you? You know it's totally normal if you--"

Dendra butts in, pulling her girlfriend away. "That's enough for now, ossu!"

You definitely have questions for the teacher next time you and Rika go to class, but you push (don't say push) the thought to the back of your mind for now.

The evening winds down with just you, Nemona, and Rika lounging around. You're sprawled across your sofa, trying not to fall asleep in front of company, a cookie from Katy's patisserie propped on your tummy. Rika is in an armchair, scrolling through social media, and Nemona is tidying up off and on, trying to leave you with as little mess as possible.

"Was it a good surprise, bestie?" She asks you from the kitchen where she's just finished putting away all the extra food you've been left with.

"Yeah... Thank you both. Really. I didn't think I'd want something like this, but it was really nice..." You're teetering on the edge of tears again, so you try to keep from saying anything else.

"Of course, babes," Rika tells you, not looking up from her phone. "You know you got us here every step of the way."

"Yeah!" Nemona shouts from where she'd gone into the nursery to pick up wrapping paper. "Fuck Arven! Who needs that asshole anyway!"

"Arven?" Rika asks. "So that's the sperm donor's name?" She shrugs. 

But you can't help crying at the mention of his name, not when you're already so emotional after everything that's happened.

Rika looks up to see you blubbering pathetically and stands. "Awww... C'mon now. You don't gotta do that. It's okay." She kneels by you, gathering you as best she can in her lithe arms.

"I-It's not his fault!" You whimper. "He needs to go live his life... I-I just wanted to be a part of it... I wanted him to want to be part of mine too..." You put a hand on your tummy. "Ours..."

"Hey!" Rika tells you, holding your wrists. "Fuck him! If he's too dense or too cowardly to want any part of your incredible life? That's his loss."

By now Nemona's made her way back into the living room. "What? Awww no, bestie! Don't cry! I'm sorry I even mentioned him! For real! He's absolute trash! Don't even worry about him and the stupid Kalosian floozies he's probably hanging out with!"

You sob all over again.

"Nemona!" Rika hisses.

"What?"

In the end, the pair of them end up calming you down with stupid PokeTube videos and more pastries.

They spend the night with you, just in case you need anything, but you can't bring yourself to tell either of how much you're craving a sandwich...along with the person who makes them for you best.

-

The last week or so leading up to your due date is, in a word, frustrating. You feel overly warm, overly sensitive, overly achey, and overly oval. You expected phantom contractions, and you were fine with them at first, but at this point it's almost as though you've been having light-ish menstrual cramps off and on for two weeks. That, on top of everything, else just has you nearly constantly on edge. After a day or so of the pains, you called your doctor who took you in, just in case. She assured you that things were normal, that you still had some time left to bake, and let you know to come back when the contractions became more intense and closer together or if you felt something was off.

So you waddled off and went back to life as best you could.

Key words there being "as best you could."

At this point though, you're frustrated to the point of tears, taking walks along your neighborhood, eating spicy foods, bouncing on a yoga ball, doing basically whatever you can think of to speed up your little potato's birthday.

You even drop by the League, but Rika stops you at the door, turns you around and walks you home.

"Absolutely not." She says. "Go rest. Go officially be on maternity leave or something. You're going to pop any second now, and you know it."

"Please, Rika," You plead. "I can't sleep, I can barely nap. I just need... I dunno. I don't even know what I need!" Stupid hormones get you crying again. "I just wanna be done! I don't know what to do with myself... "

"Hey, c'mon..." She tells you, pulling you in for a gentle hug. "You know better than anyone that you're almost there, right? Just... Just wait it out a bit longer. Your little bean'll know when they're done cooking."

"Yeah..." You sniffle into her shoulder. "You're right."

"I know I am," She says coolly. "But also I'm here for you to cry on and complain to any time, okay? Keep me in the loop on every little detail."

The two of you stand like that for a long moment as you try to will yourself back to calmness and go back home. Unfortunately...

"...Rika?"

"Yeah, Mama?"

"I think my water just broke."

-

As it turns out, you'd basically been in labor for the past little while and hadn't realized it, so by the time you and Rika get to the hospital, things start moving quickly.

She has the wits about her to text Nemona to grab your things from your apartment, which were thankfully already pre-packed and waiting in a bag, and within a few (okay, maybe more than just a few) hours, you have a sweetly bundled little baby boy in your arms, dozing softly.

The hospital put him in a little purple hat, but when you initially saw him, during that first moment where they brought him to your breast for that first moment of skin to skin contact, even with his tamped down hair still wet with everything, you could tell... He has two-toned hair.

The resemblances don't stop there, you think, but everyone else who sees him (at least with his hat on) thinks he's your little doppelganger. You're not sure. He looks just like Arven to you, and as much as that makes your heart ache, you're also so overwhelmingly filled with love, adoration, affection, warmth, relief, and utter devotion to this little baby.

You name him Basil. It suits him.

Even though you imagine your number is still blocked on his phone, you text Arven a picture when you and Basil have a moment alone together, just the two of you, later on that day.

He's here. I don't know if you care, necessarily? But... I love him so much, and I don't understand how you couldn't, so I thought I should share.

There's a near immediate response.

Message unable to be delivered.

[nightmyst14-blog]

Back at it again!!

2nd part to showing some of my ships, so today its my Kingdom Exclusive ships!! Now some should be more familiar.

Also throwing this out there for honestly no reason, I'm prefectly okay if you ship anything different from what I show here. These are all MY ships. If you ship something else, as long as its not-toxic and not Proship, I'm bound to be okay with it.

With that in mind, let's go.

Polychampions: Even after their event, I can't help but love this trio!! Their dynamic is so funny. I can imagine their hugging sessions are the best, especially with Capsaicin being there. They all keep an eye of each other, even dealing with their own issues.

CaviOyster: My most written about ship!! Sea cookies got to stick together, after all!! It tickles me that it was these two who stood up to Custard and the others about the treatment of the Creme Republic. They're Clotted Cream's uncle and aunt figures.

DarkCherryWolf: I couldn't decide werether I liked Darkwolf or Cherrywolf more, so I slapped them together. I imagine Choco already knew of Werewolf even when he left the COD, so they started to hang out more. Then later Choco was introduced to Blossom. Shenangians happen and now, they're all dating. and thanks to the idea @analogical-spacegays gave me, they are all now parents to the squirrel trio Roll Cake, Pancake , and Pinecone.

PureHolly: A comfort ship of mine. Loving parents of Royalberry even the two are in separated kingdoms. PV feels awful about all the hardships Holly went after his sacrifice, and constantly does his best to be there for her. Everytime they meet up, Holly engulfs the shorter man in a big hug. PV doesnt have the heart to stop her, plus he enjoys it,

AlmondLatte: A classic, but a good one, Their banter during the Light the Beacons story is so funny. I love the found family potential between them, plus Walnut and Creampuff. Latte would be a loving stepmom to Walnut.

ClottedClover: A rarepair!! Noble x Fairy/Elf vibes. With the idea of Clover being White Lily's son, that's going to be an AWKWARD reveal. Its a secret relationship the Consul is hiding from his father. Clover often would send Clotted songs he's written for him or 4-leaf clovers on his travels. One day, Clotted wishes to accompany.

RaspRye: This comes from me rewatching the scenes of Jedidiah and Octavius from all 3 Night at the Museum movies ( I know I'm old) and imagining them as these two. It works. Rye is always on the move from bounty hunting, so she's always stopping by House Raspberry to pay Raspberry a visit.

MalaFrost: Hot and cold gfs!! They give me SU Ruby and Sapphire vibes. How they meet is where Mala was given a dare to survive in the coldest region for the week (as you do), and was found by Frost Queen after Mala almost frioze to death. Of course Forst took care of her and restored her to full health, bue expected her to leave due cookies usually being scared by her and her powers. Istead , Mala stuck around and tries to court her, without much avail. One day, Frost decides to take up her offer. In short, Frost fell HARD in love at Mala's silliness and her good heart, along with impressed how well she was as a chieftain. They've been dating ever since.

WildChip: Last, but definitely not least, these two dorks. I know a lot of WildChip lovers can understand why I love this ship. Also, their bond also reminds me of Patroclus and Achilles from Greek mythology. I know they got their other's back, even when in danger.

That's all 9!! My next one will be mwcrossover ships, as I ship two characters One from Ovenbreak, and One from Kingdom. It might be a bit shorter than this, but we'll how it goes.

Hope you enjoyed!!

[squeakygeeky]

My Ride ep 4 Drama vs Novel

The foundation of Mork and Tawan's relationship is kindness and that's why I love the novel and series so much. Anyway, here we go.

Tawan doesn't actually faint in the novel, but the hospital scene is pretty similar otherwise, with the addition of Nadia showing up and meeting the uncles and hitting on Mork.

It hasn't happened yet in the show, so I may talk about it later, but the food-based flirting happens before Loy Krathong in the book. Mork, whose talents are in motorcycle driving and caring and introspection and analysis, resorts to googling 'am I gay?' and at this point in the novel finally realizes he likes Tawan.

There's a scene in the book with Nadia (who is male in the book) telling Tawan about why things feel apart with a guy he was seeing. I'm putting an excerpt mostly for @bengiyo since we were chatting yesterday re: Nadia.

"He said he likes me. Said I look good and have a nice build, which is just his type. I have a good profile, and he's been wanting to have a doctor boyfriend for so long, especially a pediatrician. But he doesn't want me to be ladylike. He wants a manly boyfriend, who can walk with him along the road and be seen as a friend, not lover."

Shortly after that is when Mayom the barista overhears their conversation and starts hitting on Nadia and Tawan is like, 'right in front of my salad?' and flees the scene.

I don't understand why in the show they had Tawan wait until last minute to ask Por to the festival. It's one of the things that makes show Tawan seem a little childish. In the book Tawan had of course mentioned it to Por earlier, and Por seems to have forgotten and made plans with his family (and we the readers don't know he's cheating yet).

The bookstore scene happens at this point and since it's one of my favorites and there aren't any similar scenes in the show, please bear with the blow by blow recounting.

Tawan bumps into Mork at the bookstore, literally. Them both being their is a coincidence, but Mork purposely arranges being bumped into literally so that it will be like a TV Drama.

Thanks to google, Mork is at the bookstore to read a book called 'Can't Help It If You're Gay,' spots Tawan and Por, and overhears enough to know that Tawan is sad because Por is ditching him for Loy Krathong, and Por doesn't seem to notice or care, at which point Mork goes straight from 'I can't compete with this dude' mode to bumping mode. Por is just like 'oh, great, you ran into your friend so I can leave now' and bounces (because he is terrible).

Tawan is like 'What are you reading, Mork?' and Mork is like '...What book?' But Tawan sees it and is like, 'hey, I read that too.' Mork clearly doesn't have a monopoly on obliviousness because no thoughts that Mork might be struggling with his sexuality appear to cross his mind. Anyway, Mork skims the section on unrequited love, doesn't even buy the book, and decides to devote his entire life to making Tawan as happy as possible without trying to interfere in his relationship.

Mork and Tawan do ride the ferris wheel at Loy Krathong, and Mork is afraid of heights, but there's nothing resembling a confession. And that's where we'll leave things until next week.

[audi0med1c]

heyy, firstly, I want to ask, how have you been? I don't really know how it is to go through so much, I'm sure that time will heal everything <3 Secondly, I'm curious abt the state of the next chapter, I can't wait to read it! I hope you feel better soon ❤️‍🩹

Thanks, yea i'm mostly just numb most days, not really sleeping all that much. I've done zero writing in probably almost 3 weeks now? In the past even when I wasn't writing I'd be watching my visuals, listening to my curated playlists for either the 'current chapter' or one of my specific character's playlists...formulating little dialogue exchanges....or finding pictures that would spark an idea for a text convo or a tweet or I'd bounce ideas of any little scenes off my creative partner....

But I haven't done any of that in weeks, nothing to even try to sink into anyone's mindset since my own mind is trying to numb itself to minimize my real emotions that I can no longer just compartmentalize while writing this story.

Here, you may have the current chapter as it stands now, there's only about 1,100 words written trying to do a brief re-cap of that very first event Murphy got Clarke to tag along to. Our first steps into Clarke's POV will START by rewinding to the beginning of summer to just get inside her head about how the whole secret hookup arrangement felt to her.

(I haven't even really gotten in her head/emotions yet in this first scene because that was where I started realizing how painful and impossible it was and just kept getting blocked. This leaves off just as Clarke is about to pull her stunt in the hallway, and as we know from Lexa's POV how this night goes with the whole 'mirror night' Clarke was quite dominant and possessive with Lexa, setting up how summer starts off much more about that power-dynamic and sense of control/posession for Clarke....)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*PREVIEW* CH. 35- "Cruel Summer (If I Bleed)

(MOSTLY* Clarke's POV)

____________________________

(May 1st - After Clarke went home the morning after Anya's)

(Two weeks later: Mid May)

Clarke smelled something fishy the moment Murphy hit her up to ask her to accompany him to a high-profile event at The Arts House.

She had an inkling, but just had no way of proving Lexa was somehow involved until they arrived, and their eyes met across the venue for the first time.

"How much she pay you to bring me here tonight?" Clarke asked out the corner of her mouth, as the pair reached for some champagne off one of the circling trays.

"Ugh!" Murphy feigned offense, taking a sip, "I resent the accusation that I can be bought."

"So she didn't pay you....?" The blonde repeated, watching Lexa casually carry on with several people across the way, looking stunning in a very short black dress, her hair pulled neatly back into a sleek, low bun.

There was SO much skin on display, the blonde's eyes could not stop roaming up and down that hourglass figure but mostly over those strikingly long legs, and Clarke coulda sworn the girl was standing angled so that both her arm and back tattoos were facing the pair looking on.

"I told you, this is a perk of my new job!" Murphy nodded at some random guy passing by like he knew them,

"Your new job that you can't tell me about?"

"I did tell you."

Clarke uses her fingers for air quotes, "In the entertainment industry" is not exactly a job title.

"It's doing what I was doing before....just, for different people."

"You were a PA." Clarke says flatly.

"And now I personally assist RICHER people!" Murphy says smoothly, "How hard is that to understand?"

He really was made for this though. Out of the whole friend group, he could definitely be a professional schmoozer. However she saw right through whatever this whole arrangement clearly was that Lexa must've concocted, but it was fun seeing how far he would push his blatant lie.

Except it wasn't like she had any idea what she was actually supposed to do here, since she sure as hell wasn't about to walk straight up to Lexa in front of everyone. So she continued teasing Murphy.

"And those richer people needed you to come to this event tonight because...."

"To network on their behalf!"

"And what exactly are you networking for them?" She grinned and squinted her eyes.

Shifting his weight, Murphy continued looking around the room while sipping from his glass. 

"My new employer expects a certain level of privacy and decorum with regards to conducting business on their behalf." He said in his best professional tone and smooths his hands over the front of his suit, which looked brand new and like it cost several thousand dollars. More than Murphy has probably spent on dress clothes his entire life combined.

"Now if you don't mind...I need to go network...uhhh over there." He gestured in the direction of where one of the waiters holding a tray of caviar and scallops was standing.

"Oh yes" Clarke chuckled, "Looks like some very important business to be discussed over there."

Once she was left standing alone, she meandered on the outskirts of the crowd, keeping a watchful eye on a particular actress, trying to figure out exactly what her game was here.

When she finally saw Lexa disappear into a dark, secluded exhibit room, she decided that was her chance to move in. The room was extremely dark, and luckily there was no one else currently in there so Clarke felt brave enough to walk directly up to the brunette in the far back of the room.

"You think you're slick, huh?"  She said in a low voice once shoulder to shoulder with her ex.  Just the close proximity already had her whole body vibrating in anticipation.

"Don't know what you mean?" Lexa replied nonchalant. Just hearing the purr of her lower register had Clarke's skin tingling.

They both stayed looking ahead at the art installation in front overhead of them, some sort of space display.

"You Murphy's new employer?"

"Of course not."

Lexa was playing it cool, and goddammit was she smooth as ever with her line about inviting Clarke to such an event so that she herself could have something beautiful to look at.

The blonde wanted to hate how cheesy it came out except it stirred up enough flutters in her stomach she thought her feet might be lifted off the ground.

She wanted to roll her eyes and not give her ex the satisfaction of knowing how well it worked but not nearly as bad as she wanted to push the girl up against the nearest wall and kiss her breathless.

Most of the remaining night Clarke spent eyeing Lexa across the room, watching the actress keep mostly to herself along the outskirts of the crowd, while the blonde politely accepted blatant advances hidden behind corporate pleasantries from a handful of middle-aged men.

So far no one recognized or knew who she was, and she sure as shit was not about to offer up her real name if asked - instead giving the man her two middle names instead.

It was increasingly hard to concentrate on anything being said to her, feeling those eyes locked onto her from across the room.

"And what is it you do Ms.....?" A rather handsome Marketing exec asked her. 

"Jane." Clarke answered his attempt to get her name, "Eliza Jane."

The man nodded and she believably explained that she worked in fashion, feigning interest enough to not be rude, before excusing herself to the ladies room. 

She was counting on being followed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

^^So.... there you guys go. I started writing that about 3 weeks ago... and haven't been able to continue since. It feels weird to be so upset with my own character haha but yea me and Clarke just....not on good terms so writing her POV may take a little while.

Now if there's any real-life Costia's around.... uhh... hmu

[animehouse-moe]

The Ancient Magus' Bride Season 2 Episode 11: A Small Leak Will Sink A Great Ship I.

Another week, another Mahoyome episode, and another week closer to the season ending. Thankfully, it feels like we're building up quite well to something important, and Kafka seems to have their eyes set on the prize with this episode. One more step back, but in preparation for a leap forward, we dart around from here to there to allow the last of the pieces to fall into place while we further explore our characters.

So, we know where we're at with the story at this point in time. Lucy's collapsed, Simeon's collapsed, and the culprit is at large. That's not so much what we focus on to start, rather it's Elias and Chise. I appreciate it, I really enjoy the flow of the story and how it finds the right moments to further expand on our pair outside of the dire or important pieces. Elias talks to Chise about her friend, and Chise talks to Elias about Lucy. They have a bit of a spat with it all due to the severity of the issue, and we move on. It's well executed and shows how much Elias cares for Chise, while at the same time digging Chise a deeper hole to be expanded on later.

And just a little side note to start, I really like how they use first person perspective in this episode. The timing and framing of it works really well to sell important pieces for the characters, like this one with Elias patting Chise's head. With the context of the dialogue, it works really well at showing Elias treating Chise like a child. Just a subtle bit of direction, but I really appreciate how it supports the scenes that it appears in.

Moving on from this, Philomela "happens" to meet Chise in the hallway and ask about getting a new potpourri. There's not a lot going on in the foreground, but behind the scenes of this interaction is quite a bit. Philomela's been using Chise's potpourri as a charm, and knowing what's to come she's requesting another. Of course, to viewers at this point in time we're not sure of why she's sad about Chise's offer to make one together at some point, but by the end you understand it's because she's withdrawing. Initially, I had thought it was because of how nice Chise was being despite Philomela knowing what she has to do, and that still could be true, but I'd believe the withdrawal to hold more importance.

Anyways, the point I wanted to make, this callback. Philomela is the one kneeling this time, versus Chise who had knealt in front of Chise in episode 2. Not so much a role reversal as it is a comparison, but you can also dig a little deeper with it. Allow me to don my English Teacher Glasses (that you can't see), and say this: could Philomela be kneeling here as a form of forgiveness? It's possible, it's certainly something that could pop into your mind in regards to the actions of Philomela behind the scenes, but it's ultimately something hard to properly pin down. Alright, glasses off, regardless of theories it's a nicely done scene thanks to the obstruction in the foreground and the placement of the characters. Provides some really nice variance from the norm.

Following Philomela and Chise in the courtyard, we head over for a brief lesson on runes, where Chise takes a particular liking in the one that represents thorns. Understandable and interesting, but the part that catches my attention the most is the rune that the scene leaves us on.

Initially, I'd thought it would be some foreshadowing for the episode at hand, but finding out what this rune was (Ehwaz), I was proven wrong. Ehwaz is a rune that represents trust, love, emotions, partnership, and so on and so forth. So it's not as much foreshadowing as it is providing context for Chise's interest in the rune that represents Elias. A very cute touch for sure.

The rune lesson doesn't stick around long though, as we move onto Zoe making a light night rendezvous with Lucy. There's not a whole lot to really speak on here that isn't said by either party. There's a bit of a romantic undertone to it, but nothing really strong or palpable, as the exchange centers around Lucy's interest in Zoe's snakes. Which is entirely understandable as she grew up with arachnids which were taken from her, so she'd be understandably interested in and jealous of Zoe. Just to bring it to a close though, it's a rather calming scene between the pair that has some really nice moments to it in spite of how short it is.

We're really bouncing around this episode a lot, aren't we? Regardless, we find Chise back at home and chatting with Silky about Elias. I think it's a really nice piece that shows Chise's awareness of Elias' progression, and it's really sweet that she shares it with Silky.

Though that's not the most important or best piece to this time with Chise, rather, it's her time with the mailman Hazel. Like Lucy, but cranked up to 10, Hazel lays into Chise for her rash behavior in trying to save everyone, and hits the nail on the head.

It's a really great piece at forcing Chise to look inwards on what she does. She wants to help, she wants to be important, she can't let people die, and on and on and on. It's all about what Chise's willing to allow in her life, and having control over it due to her past. Well, maybe control isn't quite the right word, but it's engrained in Chise to avoid death and violence and to support those in trouble no matter what. And because she's looking at herself, she can't see it, but through the eyes of everyone else it's plain as day how Chise's acting selfish and in a damaging manner.

We don't dwell on this part for long though as we return to the college and find out it's Halloween. And that Lucy is trying to escape her bed. Really fun moment that compares how Zoe and Chise care about Lucy (and also shows Chise's dragon strength quite comically)

And this is where things really kick off. Zoe and Chise, alongside Isaac and Rian, head off to the waste tower to take over for Lucy's part time work/practical. It's also here that they meet Philomela and Fabio. There's not much to say for this other than, "this is where the next episode begins". We get a little dialogue and exchange as Philomela chooses to warn Chise of Fabio, alongside viewers finding out that Fabio isn't the actual instructor that Lucy was supposed to be with. Aside from that, we effectively end on a cliffhanger as the doors to the Waste Tower open and our students prepare to venture in.

Overall, it's a well done episode. It builds off all the other small pieces that it uses to fill out the content today, and effectively explores other characters like Chise, Elias, and Lucy. Rather textbook, in a good sense, in how it approaches it. Alongside the solid direction, and efforts to stay within the scope of what Kafka can manage? It makes for something that's enjoyable and well received. It's not anything crazy to write home about for sure, but not every episode needs to be. Especially when your next episode is set up to be something big.

[nerd-at-sea5]

'i spent my teen in rage, spiralin' in silence' (ao3 link)

title from 'seventeen going under' by sam fender - pt 2 here, pt 3 here

van and nat grow up together, they know one another better than anyone else on the team bar maybe jackie and shauna. however as they grow up, new situations and feeling arise. they don’t want to leave each other, in fact maybe they’re terrified to do so, this isn’t a healing friendships fic. this is how even when everything is set up for them to fall apart, the strings of love that have tied them together since childhood become in unbreakable.

a myriad of snippets showing how once they bonded, there way no way they would let go. contains; shitty dads, a lot of lesbianism, natalie decks someone (twice) (van gets a good hit in as well), coach ben contemplating why he became a coach in the first place, van dosent know how to stop laughing during serious situations, tai is super confused a lot of the time, and laura lee might be the most mentally stable out of all of them (lottie has stopped disagreeing due to recent events)

van uses they/them bc i do and i say so >:) (she/they nat that may become they/them nat in later fics but who knows)

cw - drinking/drugs, suicide ideation/attempt, self harm, guns, slurs, descriptions of gore, dead body(ies), attempted sexual assault

wilderness scenes takes place somewhere in the middle of s1e7 and s1e10 (laura lee is alive i love her) pov switching more than....i can't come up with a pun here, lots of pov swaps, also. nat's jewish <3 (to me) and that shows up here, don't like it-don't read it.

they're 4 years old when they meet. just about the age where they can sit on the couch and draw while their moms get high outside (that's the real reason natalie's over, if they're being honest).

her mother knocks on the door, and a small redhead peaks out from behind their mother's legs, a small hand with an even smaller wave, but natalie scatorccio is nothing if not energetic, eager to make the friends she’s never had in preschool, "hi! i'm natalie!" she practically runs into the house, not hearing their mother's sigh, the "she's always like this, little spaztic." (after all, they've been hearing it every other day) and the redhead breaks into a grin, missing tooth from running into the doorframe on display, "nat-lee?" "that's what my daddy calls me, natty! you can do it too, i don't mind!" "i'm vanessa." their smile wavers, and natalie scrunches her face up, "can i call you van?"

and when van's face splits into a massive smile, they nod, grabbing the other's hand and racing into their room to show off their cars.

---------

they're 8 years old when van's grandpa dies. nat dosen't fully get what it means-funerals, she knows death-but she knows that van came to school with teary eyes and said that they want her to be there.

that week in sunday school, they learn the mourners kaddish (natalie finds it painfully situational).

she has to walk herself to van's house because her dad is drunk and yelling at their mom when they sneak out the front door, dressed in an old faded black t-shirt and black jeans that they hoped would be appropriate.

when they get to the palmer's house, the door is open, and there's way too many people for natalie to be comfortable with, so she shakes out her hands to get rid of the weird feeling, and runs up to van's room as fast as she can.

"van?" they're sitting on their bed, tears slipping down their face, a black lump of fabric laying on their bed. "why aren't you dressed?"

"my...my mom said i hafta-" they cough, "to wear a dress. i don’t wanna. i don’t-i dunno why, i just don’t.”

nat considers this, thinking long and hard for an eight year old, and then firmly decides that-"that's stupid. here, take my clothes, we can swap." and proceeds to pull off their shirt and pants, handing it to van, who's teary face manages a smile, "thanks natty." the two pause, holding each others clothes, before van laughs, a missing tooth grin "i like your clothes."

natalie grins back, pulling the dress over their head, "i don't like this very much, it's scratchy. i can't run." she pauses, shivers at the texture, nerves crossing over van's face, "i can suck it up. just for you."

the hug van wraps her in is worth an uncomfortable dress, "i love you." "i love you too, van."

---------

van is 12 years old when they decide to join soccer.

and since they know nat needs a reason to leave the house, they manage to convince her to join.

"i am seriously going to punch you if you make me do this."

"you'd punch me no matter what, c'mon natty, it'll be fun!"

even with the complaints, van still watches while nat-normally doing a hundred things at once-is completely focused on a single task.

they find themselves face to face with a taller girl, her curly black hair pulled back as she sprints forward, tapping the ball back and forth as she lines up a shot on goal, twenty feet away, then fifteen, then ten, then-

she kicks, and van throws their small body harder than ever before, slamming their hand into the ball and curling inward onto themself, landing on the grass with a thud.

they pop up, grinning like a madman, while nat jumps up and down, dark hair falling in her eyes as she cheers, van matches, colliding with her.

the curly haired girl sticks out a hand, "taissa turner, that was a good save."

van's to busy wondering why their mouth stopped working as they spit out, "i'm vanes-van. van palmer, thanks." to notice nat's face has dropped, fear coating her eyes as van clasps taissa's hand, smiling.

"nice to meet you," it's practiced, van notes-the way taissa turns to nat and extends the same hand, nat's bad at keeping friends, good at making them. "natalie scatorccio." the kindness in their voice is forced only to van.

van snorts as taissa's eyes widen-nat always manages to throw people off by introducing herself as 'natalie'. (something about how it sounds fancier than she is, or at least that what jackie jokes).

they elbow her, "they go by nat, she's just a dick. natty, stop being a dick." and taissa's face molds back into the smile, giggling-only van can hear nat's "never, i'm a dick expert." van's heart jumping to their throat before they pinch her. (nat seems to warm up to taissa as the days go on)

---------

nat's 14 when she gets high for the first time.

jackie taylor was having a team party, and in a moment of pure insanity, nat stole her dad's weed.

they pulled van aside a little after everyone was settled, "i might have fucked up."

"is this a 'van i need you to cover for me while i put something i stole back' or a 'van i need you to hide a body' kind of 'i fucked up'?"

nat laughs, "no, dumbass, i stole my dad's pot." van's face drops, "no fucking way."

but she pulls it out, a few joints already made that hopefully won't end that badly for her, and all it takes is a glance back at the rest of the team before the two are running out to jackie's tire swing (the one shauna shipman broke her arm on last year). and she's grabbing the lighter from her pocket.

being high is funny. everything seems a little weirder, but nat kind of likes it, it makes them feel calm-their brain constantly racing through everything, but this...natalie can hear their own thoughts for the first time in, well, ever.

she's not sure she likes it, she dosen't like a lot of things, their dad, most classes at school....natalie isn't sure she even likes most people.

van's the exception. van's always been there. van'll always be there.

they knock into van's shoulder, who's been staring at the windows for the past twenty minutes.

"dude, you good?"

"i-uh." van's voice is lodged in their throat, and natalie blinks a few times before turning over, a silent "are you ok?" written on her face.

"natty...nat. nat, i like girls."

nat blinks again, "who doesn't?"

"no-nat." and she doesn't get it, doesn't everyone like girls? like the way their smiles are always so much softer than boys? like the way on the rare occasion she lets them, they hold her so much lighter? "i like girls how you like boys."

"i don't like boys." "natalie!"

she's pissed off now, "vanessa!" and they almost fall as they clamor off the tire swing, "you fucking idiot-i'm telling you i want to kiss girls, not that i don't think boys are fun to hangout with!" van is practically tearing up, and with a start, natalie realizes exactly what they were trying to do, "oh. oh shit-"

van lets out a shaky breath, and nat's brain starts racing again, overcoming the haze from the weed.

"that's not...that's not something everyone wants?" her own voice sounds much to small in her head, muted, like she’s speaking from behind glass, and even smaller when van shakes their head.

"no. it's not."

she swallows hard, "then i guess that makes two of us."

---------

when van is 15 years old, they see a dead body for the first time.

after weeks of hyping themself up, and nat teasing them in class, they managed to get their shit together enough to ask taissa if she'd like to see a movie together (as friends. duh.)

it ends up being beetlejuice, back in theaters for some reason or another, not that van cares-nat showed up at their house earlier-walking back to her house with kevyn tan, and handed van 20$ with a shady grin that van just knows means she did not get this safely or intelligently. (nat also threw a condom at them. van threw a book in return.)

and taissa said yes, but she's choosing the movie. van could care less what they saw.

so they paied for popcorn and soda and candy, feeling all floaty-like whenever they get high with nat. granted, van didn't like being high that much, it was a once every other month kind of thing for them.

the theater is dark, and van's only half paying attention to the movie-taissa keeps jolting on all the cheep jump scares, eventually she hands van the popcorn, pushing their hair back to whisper in their ear-ignoring or just not seeing how van's entire body stilled-"please keep this i think i'll tip it over."

when not five minutes later taissa grabs van's hand, and van is silently thanking whatever god there is that this theater is dark because oh my actual fucking god.

on their way out they tease her for it, "really, the silly demon?" "shut up, he's kind of scary!" "no, tai. he's really not-" and if tai's blushing even a little...van's smiling harder than they ever thought possible.

that's when the sirens go off, the ambulance speeding down the street, past the houses and down the road to....

"fuck."

taissa looks confused, van can feel panic invading their bones, their brain jumping to the worst conclusion-it's not her. a bunch of people live there. the trailer park always has the cops there for one reason or another.

she's fine, she's fine-kevyn tan is outside the liquor store breathing like he's just run a mile, terror coating his face.

"fuck, fuck-taissa-i'm so sorry, i have to go, here-" they hand her the rest of the candy and another apology before springing as fast as they can after the ambulance, leaving taisssa confused and heartsick outside the theater.

van's heart nearly falls to their feet when they see a black tarp covering....someone. the grass is stained red when they get there, and a cop flings his arm out before van can run up the stairs.

"get off me!"

"hey, hey kid calm down-"

van wriggles until he lets go, and there's tears pouring down their face as they stare around wildly, "who-who is it? tell me, please!"

his face calms a little, "shane."

they collapse on the floor, sick relief flooding-she's ok. thank god they're ok. "where-where's nat. natalie, where is she?"

they can feel an arm pulling them up, "c'mere kiddo.”and he walks them to one of the cop cars.

van can see vera, tears steaming down her face and red on her hands, waving madly at the cops, van caught the words 'unexpected', 'spaz' and 'insane'. another cop standing next to a dark haired girl, silently staring at the black tarp with wide, shell-shocked eyes.

"NAT!" van stops themself before crashing into her, nat's touch reservations still holding prominent, before the taller collapses into van, sobbing uncontrollably into their shoulder.

the two sink to the floor, van holding onto their friend as tight as they could ever, they watch as the body is lifted to the ambulance, they don't turn away in time as the deputy or whoever the hell he is lifts the tarp and whistles.

van's eyes catch, shane's eye and half his fucking head gone, blown off, blood still dripping, flecks of brain matter. they swallow down the popcorn and fanta that threatens to arise, whispering into nat's hair, "what the fuck happened....?"

---------

nat is 16 when she starts to slip away from the person van's known basically their entire life.

they're still there when van calls them at 3am because they're shaking so hard they can't move, or when they come to school with scrapes on their face from the bottle their mom threw the night before, she still patches them up in the locker room with soft hands and a brightly colored band aid.

natalie's always there, but it's becoming less and less.....natalie.

they get into a fight, their first real one in possibly ever, and when nat goes home she nearly puts her fist through the wall because of it. it wasn't even a real fight, it was pathetic.

it's been six months-six months of ignoring the increased whispers in the halls, six months of passing her classes only because the teachers feel bad, six months of kevyn and charlie treating her like she's glass.

six months of working themself so hard at soccer that when nat gets home she doesn't even have the energy to think.

it's better than the other alternatives she's tried. the ones that leave white lines on pale skin, and make showering sting.

they liked the blonde. it changed during the first month, van helped-neither of them could smell for a week after, but she liked it. it felt safer than the others, but still stung for a little bit when it was setting.

they win their first game of the season, natalie's pass to taissa passing smoothly through the other team members legs, taissa sprinting up and tapping it to lottie who sends the ball sailing over the goalie's head and into the corner of the net.

they cheer their way back into the locker room, and a warm sense of pride spreads through nat's chest for the first time in six months.

they're so happy that everything that's been pressing down feels like it's taken a break, left her mind, let them forget. it's floating away like a balloon, up up.....gone.

lottie mathews is holding onto their shoulders and shaking them as someone slams a tape into the player, and music starts blasting and natalie's grinning harder than she knew they could, blushing unnatrually hard at the attention from the tall girl (lottie’s always loved dancing with natalie, why does it feels so weird this time?)

van's arm is looping around their shoulders, nat's hands hooking around their waist.

they feel like a kid. like when they'd climb as high as she could in the trees and it felt like no one would ever be as high, that the world was wherever she could see-nothing else mattered.

"we fuckin' did it natty, we fuckin' did it!!"

and everything comes crashing, slamming back onto her. pinning their lungs and holding them underwater, dousing the flame with gallons of water with every click of the lighter.

images flick through her head like a screwed up slide show and all natalie can see is her dad's body, her mother's hands and dress slowly overtaken.

she can't see anything else. she can smell the metallic tang and hear the ringing in their ears.

before they know what she's doing, van is pressed against a locker, natalie's hands holding down their wrists, misty's slammed a hand on the 'pause' button, laura lee's jaw wide open. shauna let’s out a soft ‘woah-’ and taissa freezes.

natalie's breathing hard, fighting to keep van's face in front of her, the echo is getting louder with each heartbeat.

"don't. call me that." they manage to force out, sounding much harder than they had wanted, it sounds mean, cold. maybe that's better.

"ever again."

and as they turn away, van's hands connecting with their back in a soft shove, not hard enough to do any damage, some hidden creature inside natalie's chest explodes out.

"what the fuck is your problem, nat?!"

"you!" she spins, stalking up to van, who's face contorts from confusion to defense, "you and that stupid fucking nickname! alright? so just shut the hell up about it!"

they stalk out of the locker room, not missing lottie's worried face or jackie's mutter of "jesus fuck, that girl's a spaz."

eventually they managed to not hit any walls, and insted found the boys at one of the football guy's houses, not that nat really enjoyed football boys, but it's free alcohol and a chance to forget everything she said, everything they didn't mean.

sitting on a windowsill with a shitty bottle of beer, their mind replaying every moment of it, the guilt coming back over and over.

she didn't know why she snapped, but they knew they had to say sorry, say sorry and fix this, somehow. van would get it, they always got it. nat rarely got mad at them, but they were always mad at someone. van was always mad at their mom. nat got it.

"hey, hey."

nat looked up, a boy in a letterman jacket with an annoyingly bright grin that made him look like the hot boy in every teen romcom movie that laura lee picked whenever it was her choice at movie night had his hand on top of the window, beer in hand. he was grinning directly down at her.

something about him made nat want to gag. it was probably his face. something else about him made nat want to run out of her own skin. also probably his face.

she nods in his direction before going back to staring out the window.

"what're you doing here all alone?"

"does it matter?"

he grinned again, and nat's hand instinctively went to her pocket, intending to close around the swiss army knife.

insted, the boys hand shot out and held her wrist in place, inches away from the knife.

"let go."

he leaned down, she could smell the beer on his breathe, could feel her own speeding up. she still had one arm.

"not until you give me a kiss."

"what the fuck, man? i don't even know you."

natalie twisted, intending to land a knee in his groin, but insted her back slammed painfully into the wall, and his entire body pressed against hers.

"i said let go, fucker!"

he laughed, and that thing that had exploded only hours before formed again, reared it's head up again-pulling out their free wrist from their back, and as the boy leaned impossibly closer, slammed into the side of his cheek.

"CRAZY FUCKING BITCH!" it came out with flecks of spit and blood, but she only pulled back again and struck him in the same place, the creature screaming in pride, again, again, again, again-

"NATALIE!"

the creature vanished, crawling back, away, hiding again inside of nat, the boy did the same, crawling to his feet and running into a new room, adjusting his pants as he did so.

nat turned, heart leaping into her throat as she saw lottie staring daggers in the direction of the boy, and then turning to give a soft smile at nat, "are you alright?"

"i-uh. mhm."

lottie gave her a funny look, and natalie had the strange feeling that her entire body was being x-rayed, lottie scanning through to see everything, read their entire person.

"you're bleeding."

she was right, nat's knuckles had split, it was barley anything, but lottie still took them by the hand and lead them into the bathroom.

"what happened?"

some part of natalie couldn't even attempt to lie to her. by the end of the story, however-lottie looked relived, "at least you're ok." she smiled, and natalie blinked.

"fuck."

lottie's smile wavered, "what?"

"nothing. why are you here?"

the taller girl shrugged, "van wanted to come but tai was busy so now i'm here."

natalie winced, weather from surprise or the soap and water lottie was gently rubbing over their knuckles, she didn't know.

"van's here?"

lottie nodded, "mhm. i can get them if you want, i think they'd like to talk to you."

nat blinked, trying to keep a straight face as her mind ran through outcome after outcome after outcome. what if van hated them? what if they never wanted to talk again?

"yeah. alright, whatever."

the other smiled, "i'm glad." and then bent down to kiss natalie's knuckles.

natalie froze, a weird sensation flooding through their entire body, landing in their chest and spreading out to her cheeks and hands, heating up her face, "it's what i always see them do in movies whenever someone's hurt." lottie pauses, considers, "the romance ones at least. i figured it couldn't hurt."

nat nodded slowly, "mhm." as lottie left with a smile, off to find van. nat slowly stood up and glances at her reflection in the mirror, her entire face was pink, "what the fuck?"

the door opens again, and van trips in backward, "lottie what the actual fu-nat?"

the door clicks shut, and the mask that nat's had up for months gets torn down in a second.

"i'm so sorry-i shouldn't have shoved you or sworn at you or-"

it all comes flooding out, and in the middle of it, natalie's hit with the realization; the only person she's ever apologized to, genuinely at least-screaming cries of 'i'm sorry' don't really count when it's aimed at natalie's parents-is van.

"nat!" she stops, as van's all too familiar smile swims back into place, "you're still going through a lot of shit. i know you don't want to admit it, or anything really, but you're a kid." natalie scoffs, and van gives her a look, "and i keep thinking you're changing and of course you are. i'm not mad at you, yeah i kinda wanted to slap you but i'm not mad. ok i'm not that mad. i'm definitely pissed, but we're cool."

natalie hesitates for a second, then smiles, "when the hell did you get so smart?"

van blushes, "hanging out with taissa is doing something fucked to my brain-she actually likes studying."

"just studying, hm?" nat's smirk is back in it's normal place, and van knocks into their shoulder, "says the flamingo after lottie was in here."

"dude. that...i think she broke me."

"really? how the every loving fuck did charlotte matthews break you?

"she's like....magic?"

"how high are you right now?

"no i'm serious it's so weird. she kissed my knuckles after bandaging them."

"nat you are a giant fucking dyke."

"says you."

[philhoffman]

The summer is almost over and I can't leave the season without this classic—Almost Famous (2000), dir. Cameron Crowe. I used to think it was a perfect start-of-summer film, but I'm realizing may be better suited to these late August, early September weeks.

I read a comment the other day from someone who was not the biggest fan of Philip Seymour Hoffman's acting, who said the real test of his skills and legacy would be which of his performances would stand the test of time. They doubted any of them would—he didn't have any "iconic" characters, they argued.

While I obviously disagree with their entire assessment—for just one example, The Master and his other projects with PTA will be/remain classics 50 years from now—it did make me think. Phil was, though it's a touchy term, often described as a character actor. Even when he was a leading man, he wasn't playing himself. An actual quote from him in 2002 I just found: "Even if I was hired into a leading-man part, I'd probably turn it into the non-leading-man part." He doesn't have an Indiana Jones, a James Bond, but I don't think that disqualifies him from having iconic or lasting characters.

That's what came to mind rewatching Almost Famous tonight, and I might argue Lester Bangs is PSH's most iconic character. If you consider the ratio between screen time and cultural influence, there's probably zero competition among his roles—under eight minutes of screen time vs. untold thousands of people who still quote, gif, share, gif, write, post, and otherwise remember and feel inspired by his words, over two decades later. (Dusty Davis might be the second-most influential, considering how many people got into storm-chasing thanks to Twister). He's a voice for generations of music lovers, film lovers, everyone who watched Almost Famous for the first time and fell in love with its magic or sided with Bangs' cynicism.

What does it matter what some stranger on the internet says, anyway. Whether people will be watching dozens of his films in 80 years or just a few or none at all, we're watching them now. Last night I found a tribute from film critic Brian Tallerico, from the days after Phil's death: "In Mary and Max, [PSH's character] Max says... 'We can, however, choose our friends, and I am glad I have chosen you.' Hoffman felt like more of a friend than another actor. And I am glad he chose us."

Patrick Fugit, playing William Miler, was just 16 when he starred in Almost Famous, his first movie ever. Phil was violently sick with the flu while filming, sweating and shaking and throwing up between takes. But he still found time to look out for others. Patrick wrote this remembrance of working with Phil, which is making me cry a lot as I reread it tonight:

They had lit the scene quite bright from the outside and the light was just behind Philip. So every time I would look at Philip, I would start squinting and my eyes would start watering, so I would kind of look down at the paper pad to pretend I was writing. They kept telling me, “Hey, you have to look at Philip when you read your lines.” I didn’t know how to say that I can’t actually physically keep my eyes on Philip but Philip had been watching me. He’s like, “Guys, c’mon! Can’t we move the fucking light? I mean, the kid can barely look across the table!” And he and [cinematographer] John Toll kind of got into it. John was like, “We’ll adjust it a little bit but the light’s there for a reason, buddy. We got to light the scene.” Philip said, “Fuck lighting! Do you want it to look fucking good or do you want the kid to be able to act!” ... Then they’re like, “Okay, we’ll move the light,” and then we shot the scene. But it was the first time where I got in a situation where I didn’t know if I could stand up for myself. And he just stepped up and did it for me. And then he kind of looked at me and smiled and said, “Dude, if something’s bothering you, you have to speak up.” I was like, “Okay, yeah, yeah, totally.”

[spookyserenades]

Dana...you are incredible! A queen! Chapter 14? You had me on my kness choking more than Yoongi's di-

Lol, that was weird 🧐 Anyway. On the piano? Ah, I remember when I sent and the ask about the spicy moments and one of my guesses was on the piano 😏 and to be honest? You nailed it better than Yoongi's di-

It just happened again! Feel like I'm possessed...by Yoongi's DI-

Alright, joking aside. It was an amazing chapter. Hannah telling us not to break Jin's heart for us to break it like a week later? I teared up not gonna lie. To all of their reactions, because the hurt was there. It didn't linger but it was there. Like Tae's approach to getting drunk is 100% my approach to stuff. And to be honest I'd love to see Y/N's approach when her jealousy is going out the roof. I have a feeling things will escalate a lot before we delicately fall into an OT8.

Yoongi is acting so cocky now. Like literally he's rubbing it in with everyone so badly. But I love it because it riles them up into acting.

I love how you wrote the sex scene. I for one tend to skip over, but I don't know how you did it, i read that scene (chapter) over 5 times today. It was so easy for my mind to imagine it. So congratulations! You are further proving that you are a talented writer.❤️ Alsoo the ears?! Excuse me!? I'd go around teasing all of them, cuz I'm a bitch😊

The end? I love it! The cliffhanger? I love it! Are you stil an evil motherfucker for ending it like that? Yes, yes you are💀

I have lots more to ask you but that has to be for another day. Sending you lots of love and a big hug....big like Yoongi's di-

🤣❤️

AHHH BESTIE!!! THANK YOU I LOVE YOU 🥺😭💕 fdkaslfjds But also HA stop it right now 🧎🏻‍♀️

ON THE PIANOOOO Had to do it!!! Definitely a fantasy of mine esp w Yoongi but!! I swear that scene came to me in a vision like I could just see Yoongi on his knees and ...... YEAH AAH I'm so impressed you guessed and even more excited that you liked it 🥵

Noooo not breaking sweet Jinnie's heart 😭😭😭 But you're right he's probably feeling really bummed out... He's definitely got feelings for her, you can tell they're starting to get stronger especially in 14. I'm the same, too, when I get upset I like to get drunk as well, too 💀 (yay to unhealthy coping LOL) I think it just proves how upset Tae was, because he's not much of a drinker. Definitely a lonnggggg road until they're all together, too.. I'm going one by one babey, SLOW BURN!

Mmmmm but cocky Yoongi is so HOT he must be taking pages out of Jeongguk's book 😉 Yoongi is like "why should I hide now that you al know..."

EEEE stop I'm blushing 😭 I'm happy that I could write a sex scene that you enjoyed, I read it over 5 times too to make sure it flowed... ah Yoongi is so sexy. Praise kink king for sure 🥵 But THANK YOU for the kind words about that scene 💜 MMM the ears I agree if I were Y/N I'd be tugging on their ears whenever they'd tease me, just to see how THEY like it!

heheheh evil motherfucker YES I AM! I just can't leave it neatly tied up in the end, I always gotta surprise you guys hehe. Needed a Tae moment, and I'm not a huge fan of ending oneshots or whatever immediately after a sex scene, but that's just me!

Sending you lots of love and hugs and kisses right back! Love hearing your thoughts on the chapters (and hearing from you in general!) 💕💜💕💜