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thedreadvampy · 4 years ago

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Hey Ruth! I noticed you've talked in the past about asexuality in quite a negative manner. As an ace-person (who has received backlash for it) I was wondering: do you still uphold these opinions?

Hey! I have in the past said I don’t really...like people popping up in my ask box asking me My Opinion On Asexuality, but I do appreciate you asking me as someone I kinda know and with your face turned on, so I’m gonna aim to answer in the macro. Though I mean it depends on what the opinions...are? I have had a lot of opinions over the time I’ve had this blog and I don’t necessarily know what all of them were or which ones have concerned you. I can give you a top-level view of how I see my views, though (however, since I have been largely holding off on answering this kind of ask for Literally A Year Now this is less an answer to your specific question and more an answer to the last year of asks)

(also if I get dogpiled in my inbox for Having Bad Asexuality Opinions which I do every time I talk about asexuality regardless of what I actually say then. my phone is broken I won’t know about it :) so I feel untouchable)

I don’t think I hold a negative opinion of asexuality as an identity (I say I don’t think bc we all have blind spots)? I have a lot of very important people in my life who are asexual, aromantic or aroace and. I mean it feels pretty condescending to say ~uwu it’s valid~ bc like. ace and aro people don’t really need my input to validate their identity. but a) it seems like a pretty accurate way to describe their experience and b) I know a lot of them have had a really huge boost from finding a name and community to fit their experience and have found that really helpful, and I’ve seen that make a huge difference in people’s lives and I’m really happy to watch my friends come to understand themselves and feel comfortable and accepted in a part of themselves they had felt really alienated or stigmatised by. In a broader sense, I think there’s huge value in decentralising romance and sex in our assumptions of What Human Happiness Means and for some people that’s not the most important thing, and for some it’s just not interesting.

So like. I find it difficult to really express these opinions in any meaningful way because my opinion on asexuals and aromantics is much like my opinion on trans people or idk like people of colour. like very obviously those people exist and very obviously those people don’t deserve to be marginalised or stigmatised but it would feel. weird and performative to just make a post saying like “Asexuality Is Good And Valid, I Am Pro It” bc again like. who needs my permission or cares about my opinion. it’s not a Good Thing To Do it’s just. a thing you are that shouldn’t be treated as a bad thing.

however. and I suspect that this is what you’re referring to. while I love and appreciate ace and aro people, I think building communities and active support for ace and aro people is valuable and needed and, as above, I think Asexuality Is Good And Valid I Am Pro It, I do take some issue with elements of how discussions around asexuality are framed online (pretty much only online, I really haven’t run into the kind of black-and-white thinking in in-person queer spaces)

and I also. think there are some issues with people extrapolating their experience of their own sexuality onto the world in a way which. I’m just going to say a lot of the time when I talk about The Ace Discourse in a negative way it’s around people assuming that the world is split into a binary between ace and allo people, or assuming that only aspec people experience a nuanced or complex or fluid relationship to their sexuality while pigeonholing allosexuality into a pretty flat image of sex and romance focus. and I have always felt like this does a massive disservice not just to people who don’t identify with aspec labels, but also to the general hope that we could work against the expectation that there’s a Standard Amount To Value Sex/Romance - I think that the assumption that there are aspec people and then Everyone Else Has The Normal Type and Level of Attraction just. reinforces the idea that there’s a “Normal” type and level of attraction. which is ultimately pretty self-defeating and also just. observably untrue.

and this division of the world into Aspec People and Allo People also has some other weird knockon effects - I don’t think there’s anything intrinsically wrong with identities like gray ace or demi or other aspec labels beyond asexual and aromantic, but I do think that the way those labels are used is often. unhelpful. and they’re defined in such personal, subjective ways that you get weirdnesses sometimes like people Diagnosing Each Other With Demisexual or people saying ‘you can’t talk about this experience you share because it’s an Aspec Experience’ and again. there isn’t a concrete material experience there because the whole experience of romantic and sexual attraction, what that feels like and how sharply divisible it is is very, very personal and subjective. and everyone has different experiences of those and will name those experiences differently.

there’s also. historically a minority of Big Ace Blogs that kind of sneer at allosexuality or who would hijack posts about other issues to derail them to asexuality. but I don’t think they were ever representative of the community as a whole and I certainly think that inasmuch as those blogs remain around they’re a legacy of the Long-Ago (and a lot of them are trolls imo)

but there is. an issue I take that does seem to be more currently live which is the question of allo privilege. I think personally that framing all allosexuals/alloromantics as privileged over all aspec people on the basis of feeling sexual/romantic attraction is provably untrue in a world where people, particularly queer people, are actively oppressed and marginalised for expressing non-normative sexuality. it isn’t that I don’t think asexuality and aromanticism isn’t marginalised and stigmatised, because it visibly is, but it seems pretty reductive to boil it down to a binary yes/no privilege when both sexualisation and desexualisation are so actively tied into other forms of marginalisation (this is what I was trying to express in the argument about Martin a while ago - sex and sexuality are so often disincentivised for fat, queer, disabled and neuroatypical people that it doesn’t...feel like a reclamation that those tend to be the characters that get fanonised as ace where slim, straight, able-bodied and neurotypical characters aren’t. like it’s more complex than a binary privilege equation; sex and romance are incentivised and stigmatised differently at the intersection of oppressions and. for example. in a world where gay conversion therapy and religious oppression of gay and SGA people is so often focused specifically on celibacy and on punishing the act of sexual attraction, I don’t think it’s a reasonable framing to say that a gay allosexual man has privilege over an aroace man on the basis of his attraction)

so those are like. things I would consider myself to feel actively negative about in online discourse (and again. in online discourse. not in how I relate to asexuality or aromanticism or aspec identities in general but in the framing and approaches people take towards discussing it in a very specific bubble).

but also. um. the main criticism I have of the online discourse culture of asexuality is that there are things I don’t have experience of that I have mentioned, when asked, that I don’t personally understand the meaning of but I don’t need to understand them to appreciate that they’re useful/meaningful to others. things like

the difference between QPRs, asexual romantic relationships and close friendships

how you know the difference between romantic attraction and friendship

the distinction between sexual attraction and a desire to have sex with someone for another reason

and I hope I’ve generally been clear that this is. honest lack of understanding and not condemnation. I personally have a very muddled sense of attraction and often have difficulty identifying the specifics of any of my own emotional needs so like. it’s a closed book for me at the moment, how you would identify the fine distinctions between types of want when I’m still at step 1: identify That You Want Something Of Some Sort, Eventually, Through Trial And Error. but I think I’ve always been explicit that this isn’t a value judgement it’s just a gap in my own knowledge and yet. every single time I’ve said anything other than enthusiastic “yes I understand this and I love it and it’s good and valid” (and again. I have not gone out of my way to talk about it I have mostly only mentioned it because people keep asking me to talk about it) I have got a massive rush of anger and accusations of aphobia and “just shut up if you don’t know what you’re talking about but also answer my 30 questions to prove you think Correct Things about asexuality” and. I understand that this comes from a place of really unpleasant and aggressive backlash towards the ace community so it’s a sensitivity with a lot of people but like. it doesn’t seem proportional.

also I feel like ever since I hit like 700 followers my Tumblr life has been a constant cycle of people asking me Are You An Ace Inclusionist Are You An Exclus Are You An Aphobe Justify Your Opinion On Asexuality which. eventually yeah I’ve got pretty snippy about the whole thing. but you know. fuck it I’m just gonna lay it out and if you or anyone else is uncomfortable following me based on those opinions then I’m sorry to hear that and I will be sad to see you not want to engage with me any more but I also think that’s absolutely your prerogative. however I will not be taking questions at this time (and not just bc my phone’s broken) - demands for an argument about this Are Going To Be Ignored so if you want to go then go.

so like the big question I reckon is Do You Think Asexuality Is Queer and

yes. no. maybe. I don’t understand the question what does it mean for an identity to be queer?

there are spaces and conversations where any form of aromanticism or asexuality makes sense as a relevant identity. talking about hegemonic expectations of normative romance. building community. combatting the idea that heterosexual missionary married sex between a man and a woman is the only rewarding or valuable form of relationship or intimacy.

there are spaces where I think heterosexual aros/heteromantic cis aces don’t. have a more meaningful or direct experience of the issues than allo cishets. because while being aro or ace or aspec has a direct impact on those people on a personal and relational level, disclosure is largely a choice, and the world at large sees them as straight. they don’t have the lived experience of being visibly nonconforming that SGA people and aroace people do. they may still be queer but there’s a lot of conversations where they bring a lot of the baggage of being Straight People (because. even if you’re ace or aro you can still be straight in your romantic or sexual attraction and if your relationships are all outwardly straight then you don’t necessarily have an intimate personal understanding of being marginalised from mainstream society by dint of your sexuality). this doesn’t make you Not Queer in the same way that being a bi person who’s only ever been in m/f relationships is still queer, but in both cases a) you don’t magically have a personal experience of societal oppression through the transitive properties of Being Queer and b) it’s really obnoxious to talk as if you’re The Most Oppressed when other people are trying to have a conversation about their lived experience of societal oppression. and they’re within their rights to say ‘we’re talking about the experience of being marginalised for same gender/non-heterosexual attraction and you’re straight, could you butt out?’)

(I very much object to the assumption coming from a lot of exclus that “cishet ace” is a term that can reasonably be applied to non-orientated aroace people though. het is not a default it really extremely doesn’t make sense to treat people who feel no attraction as Straight By Default. when I were a lad I feel like we mostly understood “asexual” to mean that identity - non-orientated aroace - and while I think it’s obvious that a lot of people do find value in using a more split-model because. well. some people are both gay/straight/bi and aro/ace, and it’s good that language reflects that. but I do think it’s left a gap in the language to simply refer to non-attracted people. this isn’t a criticism of anything in particular - there’s a constant balancing act in language between specificity and adaptability and sometimes a gain for one is a loss for the other)

some queer conversations and spaces just. aren’t built with aces in mind. and that isn’t a flaw. some spaces aren’t built with men in mind, but that doesn’t mean men can’t be queer. some conversations are about Black experiences of queerness but that doesn’t mean non-Black people can’t be queer. not all queer spaces will focus on ace needs but that doesn’t mean asexuality isn’t queer, or that queerness is opposed to aceness - sex, sexuality, romance and dating are all really important things to a lot of queer people, especially those whose sexuality and romantic relationships are often stigmatised or violently suppressed in wider society. there should be gay bars, hookup apps, gay and trans friendly sex education, making out at Pride, leather parades and topless dyke marches and porn made by and for queer people, romantic representation in media of young and old gay, bi and trans couples kissing and snuggling and getting married and saying sloppy romantic things. and there should be non-sexual queer spaces, there should be discussions around queerness that don’t suppose that a monogamous romantic relationship is what everyone’s fighting for, sex ed should be ace inclusive, etc.

I think the whole question of inclusionism vs exclusionism is based on a weird underlying assumption that If An Identity Is Queer All Queer Spaces Should Directly Cater To That. like. aspec identities can be queer and it can be totally reasonable for there to be queer spaces that revolve around being sexual and romantic and there can be conversations it’s not appropriate or productive to centre asexuality and aspec experiences in and we can recognise that not all queer people do prioritise or have any interest in sex or romance. in the same way that there’s value in centring binary trans experiences sometimes and nonbinary experiences at other times but both of those conversations should recognise that neither binary or nonbinary gender identity is a Universal Queer Experience.

anyway that one probably isn’t one of the opinions you were asking about but I have been wanting to find a way to express it for a while so you’re getting it: the Ruth Thedreadvampy Inclusionism Take.

uh. it’s 1:30 on a work night so I have been typing too long. if there was an opinion you were specifically thinking of that I haven’t mentioned, chuck me another ask specifically pointing to what you want me to clarify my thinking on. sometimes I gotta be honest I’ve just been kind of careless in my framing (thinking of the Martin Fucks debacle where I spent ages insisting I didn’t say Martin couldn’t be aroace then read back like two days later and realised that I had said “he’s not aroace” bc I had written the post at 2am without proofreading and had meant to say “unless you think he’s aroace”) so I May Well Not Stand By Some Posts or might Stand By Them With Clarification

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sisterofiris · 4 years ago

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@moonbeam-sunbeam (source of screenshot ft. original post - I’m creating a new one because the other one was long and I don’t want to boost OP’s voice again)

I understand where you’re coming from, and when it comes down to the bare bones, I agree: the Gods can’t be defined by human labels. Gods are Gods, not people. They don’t have sexualities, or not in a way that we as human can comprehend, at least - even less in a way that fits neatly into our modern labels. Artemis is not “aroace”, or “lesbian”, or “bisexual”, or “straight”, or any other sexual or romantic identity. She is the Potnia Theron, Lady of what is by definition outside the constructs of our society, and greater than anything our mortal tongues could possibly put into words.

She is also open to be worshipped by anyone. All of the Gods are. There is a common fallacy, in the Hellenic polytheistic community (and in the Pagan community as a whole), that a person can only worship deities who resemble them. This is not only obviously wrong (in Artemis’ case, one need only to look to Hippolytos; see also Xenophon, a presumably straight man who dedicated a temple to her), it also makes no sense. What a strange place Ancient Greece would have been if only kings could worship Zeus! If only musicians and doctors could worship Apollon! If only farmers could worship Demeter! And who would worship Hades - the Dead?

Interestingly, I see this fallacy applied most often to gender and sexuality. I have never heard anyone claim only hunters can worship Artemis, but I have had to reassure an anon that Artemis will still accept her now that she’s sexually active. I think this is, in part, where the belief that applying certain orientations to deities is restrictive comes from - because if you believe people can only worship deities like them, then viewing a deity as part of X group means that only X group can worship them. I’ll say it again: this is historically inaccurate to Hellenic polytheism, unsustainable considering the many facets of the Gods and the impossibility to fit them into modern categories, and needlessly exclusive. If you relate to Artemis - and even if you don’t - you can worship her, full stop.

But I also think this excessive focus on gender and sexuality as restrictive highlights a trend that can be seen in society at large. Often, whenever a person, character, or in this case a deity is presented as non-straight, many (usually straight) people will denounce it as unnecessary, even graphic information. Queer-coded relationships are played off as “open to interpretation”, and explicit interpretation of them as queer is “pushing an agenda”. Having a non-straight orientation (or not being cisgender) becomes a limitation on what someone could be, and by extension, on how others can relate to them - as if it isn’t simply another experience one can have of life, just like having brown eyes or being left-handed.

The fact is that everything we represent the Gods as is limiting. Every single word we use to express divinity is reducing it to something we understand and are comfortable with. We have no choice but to do this, because the wholeness of a God’s being kills mortals (see: Semele). Depicting the Gods as human is limiting them. Using gendered pronouns is limiting them. Calling them by Greek names is limiting them. All of those are traditions meant to help us relate to non-human beings, but somehow, it’s the projection of queer identities onto them that is singled out as restrictive.

Again, I’m not saying Artemis is any specific non-straight orientation. None of us know that, nor if it’s even possible for her to have an orientation. What I’m saying is that she was described in certain terms by the Ancient Greeks, along with all her other characteristics, and those terms fit within the definition of what modern people call “aromantic asexual” (or, according to others, “lesbian” - like I previously stated, one being attested does not exclude the other). As an aroace myself, there is no reason why this cannot be one reason I relate to her. She is freedom, yes, and that means many things to many people; one of those, to me, is the freedom to be myself and to prefer the wilderness over someone’s embrace. I love the Potnia Theron, with all this heart of mine that has been called loveless, because she reminds me that who I am is sacred. She has done the same for others, in many different ways, none of which are worth any less, none of which restrict her worship to those who share them, none of which restrict her at all, because it is through the multitudes of human echoes that we find in her that we can glimpse her true greatness.

#bottom line: someone saying they relate to a deity based on a specific experience that they recognise in how that deity is depicted #and someone saying that a deity IS a thing and others MUST agree #and someone saying ONLY people who are that thing can worship that deity #are not the same thing #also in case it wasn't clear - this is meant in a friendly tone #i'm not annoyed with the screenshotted person i'm just explaining my perspective #artemis*#hellenic polytheism #Hellenismos

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angelsndragons · 4 years ago

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So in the name of good faith, assuming that people who are flooding my tags right now are acting in good faith, here’s my take: the English language has notoriously few and inadequate definitions of love. You really notice this when you’re ace and/or aro, that even the few descriptors that get added to love, platonic, familial, romantic, sexual, etc, are not really useful. There are some broad stroke rules about it, ie sexual love is wanting to have sex with that person, but the categories are too vague and ill-defined. For example, where does physical affection land under these umbrellas? Why are certain acts between two people seen as sexual one minute, romantic another, or platonic? What separates a romantic relationship from a platonic or familial relationship? When you’re ace, aro, or any combination thereof, you’re used to asking these questions; you’ve thought about it because most of the so-called rules don’t make sense. So it seems to me that a lot of people, because of Caduceus, are now grappling with these questions for the first time. At the same time, a lot of ace, aro, and combo folks, who have lived our lives asking these questions, are understandably annoyed or nervous at this process.

Here’s the thing: I think a lot of people don’t understand what relationships look like without having sexual attraction or romantic attraction to compare to their platonic relationships. And I think a lot of other people get defensive when either they can’t tell where the line is or they are inundated, day after day, with media defining those dashed lines.

I think, well, hope, that is where the disconnect lies in people’s reactions to Caduceus’ canonical aroaceness. Some people see ‘ship’ and think ‘must be romantic or sexual’ while others don’t. Some people ask ‘why don’t you just say it’s platonic’ while others don’t understand how the feelings involved look different under the different terms. Some people get so protective of one of the few aroace characters in media that they lash out because they don’t want people ruining it or because they think other people can’t understand. There are no easy labels or lines, sometimes.

Here’s what I don’t want: for Caduceus’ aroaceness to become part of the goddamn ship wars that tear the fandom apart. Our tag has historically been so positive and chill, we’ve very much followed in Cad’s footsteps of live and let live, even when we don’t agree with certain ships or head canons. I hate seeing people attack each other in our tag. Maybe it’s because I am a Fandom Old, but I refuse to tolerate this gatekeeping bullshit. You don’t agree with someone else’s interpretation, take a deep breath and move on. Or post your own positive spin, like ‘Cad’s Top 10 Aro Moments’ or whatever. You want more familial or platonic Caduceus content? Find the people who are already writing it and boost them. Write your own meta about your favorite platonic Cad moments. Block the ship tags. Tearing each other down is not the way to get what you want. All you will get is a quieter, deader fandom, afraid to say anything for fear of backlash. You are not helping aroace folks by attacking people over goddamn ships. You are not more woke or progressive or whatever by doing so.

TL;DR: Don’t forget to love each other around here, please.

#cr spoilers #cr discourse #caduceus clay #stop attacking people over goddamn ships #or saying they're acephobic or arophobic for shipping a goddamn aroace character #life is messy and complicated enough #let people have their fun #my earlier posts and reblogs on the topic stand #i love my boy #my boy is aroace #i would love to see more team as family stuff for cad #or just cad stuff in general #but attacking people over shipping isn't the way to get it

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amazingaro · 6 years ago

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@ace-of-fucking-hearts replied to your chat “me, an aroace: hah! i am immune to sirens! sirens: we have...”

Hey I'll tell you where one of these sirens exist! Guest by E. Stoops with an explicitly Ace main character who is also implicitly Aro. The author even has a story of turning down a major publishing company when they tried to make the main character straight.

boosting this for those who are interested, while also popping in to say:

that is good, and i’m glad it exists, but personally i am..... Tired of ‘explicitly ace but implicitly aro’. i want explicitly aro characters. i want characters that value their aromanticism. i want characters that are “well-written” in more than just the standard way; i want characters whose aromanticism is well-written.

i want characters that are more aromantic than they are asexual; i want characters who are aromantic but not asexual; i want characters who are aromantic and not really so worried about their sexual orientation. i want characters that represent the diversity of the aro community, and i want characters that represent a very specific aspect of the aro experience.

i haven’t read this book, so maybe it does show that, even without explicitly confirming this character’s aromanticism! I think it’s great that asexuality is being written about, and i think it’s great that aromanticism is being acknowledged at all in even these small ways. but i want more.

i deserve better. all the other aros out there deserve better. we deserve more. aromantics are not ace(...oh and also aro probably). We are AROMANTIC! and some of us are also ace.

but thank you for your response - and i’m sure there are a lot of people who will be happy to hear about this book, too!

-mod a

#ace of fucking hearts #replies #mod a #mod post #i genuinely do not want to come across as ungrateful or rude - i just. want ARO characters #that's what this post was about. not ace characters who might be aro.#ARO. characters.

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a-greyromantic-ace · 3 years ago

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Hey there! Fellow aroace here to give some insight if that’s okay!

First of all, you deserve to consider yourself aspec no matter where you fall on the spectrum. It’s okay to not know where you fall. Either way, you’re still welcome here ❤️❤️

I’m greyromantic asexual—no sexual attraction whatsoever and occasional romantic attraction. I started identifying as ace last June but just started identifying as greyromantic a few weeks ago. The label doesn’t feel as comfortable as the ace one does, but I know it’s right because like you said, I don’t relate to other people and how they have romantic relationships. When I do experience romantic attraction, it’s a temporary euphoric feeling where everything seems enhanced. When it fades, however, I’m left with the reality of “how do I actually make a relationship happen?”, “what do I say in this situation?”, etc. and I don’t want any part of that. It brings out the worst of my social anxiety and makes me feel like I’m bipolar at times because there’s so many emotions at once (happy, sad, excited, confused).

In short, I like the feeling of romantic attraction but not enough to actively pursue a romantic relationship. If it happens, it happens. If not, I feel like my life is already fulfilling and I don’t need a romantic partner to make me happy or make my life feel complete. It would be nice but I’m not going out of my way to find that.

It seems like you’re aromantic if you’re surprised that people actually want to date other people in real life. You could be asexual if you’ve never looked at someone and thought, “Wow, they’re so hot. I would love to sleep (have sex) with them!”

Personal example: whenever someone would say this, I thought they meant sleep in the same bed with them 😅 like, I imagined someone really cute and went, “Yeah, I would sleep next to them if both of us have all our clothes on.”

Needless to say, I’m not a huge fan of sex for myself. That being said, you can be ace and still want sex. You don’t have to be disgusted by it.

Also, a side note about being aro: you can love the idea of romantic love, but still not want it for yourself or feel uncomfortable whenever you’re in a romantic situation. It doesn’t make you any less aro if you love rom-coms or anything else traditionally seen as romantic. This comic here really helps illustrate the point and here’s another one to show how you can embrace life as an aro.

Here’s a post full of aroace resources, a romantic attraction checklist, and one with important points about asexuality. This post focuses on demiromantic experiences. Also, I’ll leave you with this potentially relatable comic.

I hope some of this helps and you’re able to find the right label if it helps you feel more comfortable. Here are some affirmations if you start to feel lonely or just want a confidence boost. And here’s my aroace journey if it reminds you you’re not alone. Let me know if there’s anything I can better explain or share and feel free to message me if you ever wanna talk or ask questions! 💚💜💚

p.s. I highly recommend reading Loveless by Alice Oseman if you want a relatable aroace character 🥰 you can get it using the Thriftbooks app or here from Barnes and Noble

okay, so, I mostly identify as a lesbian but I'm definitely somewhere on the aroace spectrum (I'm still trying to figure out where, but the label feels right), and I've never really told anyone. anyway, sometimes I doubt if I actually deserve to say I'm aspec, but then I listen to my friends talk about actual relationships and romance happening around me and I just. don't get it nsjaksdfhgd like??? its not just in fiction??? you guys actually want to date people?? I don't know if I'll ever want to date anyone, or if I'll ever feel attraction the way other people describe, but as far as I can see- no.

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andromedaces · 8 years ago

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Attention A-Spec Fans !!

So in preparation for the coming storm-- March 21st, Mass Effect: Andromeda’s release-- we wanted to get a jump on uplifting a-spec content creators. As we’re probably all aware, fandom isn’t wild about letting us play. From fans (and Bioware) rejecting a-spec headcanons, to the absolute saturation of sex and oversexualization of canon characters (and occasional sexualization of asexual OC characters), all the way over to the complete and utter dominance of traditional romantic relationships in content and meta.... our stuff just kinda gets shoved out of the way.

So me (I’m Marti) and Iris created this blog. Right now it’s specifically for Mass Effect Andromeda and generally we’re going to be a blog that tags Andromeda content that we find and that you hopefully will send us as specifically aromantic [anywhere on the spectrum] (#aro), specifically asexual [anywhere on the spectrum] (#ace), or both (#aroace), and will watch and make use of the tag #amea (standing for A-spec Mass Effect Andromeda). We’ll also do regular stuff like tag by character, ship (platonic or otherwise), and if we do decide to expand this to different fandoms, the fandom.

For clarity’s sake: you don’t have to submit content that is both aro and ace (for instance, sexual platonic relationships aren’t out of the question-- it simply won’t be tagged for asexuality); and you can reblog if you’re not ace/aro (in fact we’d appreciate the signal boost) and you don’t have to be ace/aro to submit content; you can submit genfic without specifying asexuality or aromanticism, but if it isn’t specified we will tag it as genfic rather than assuming any other tag. If you use the tag #amea in the first five tags of your fic, we will be able to find it without you having to submit to us (links for us to reblog from also work-- don’t think you have to publish shit through us).

As a final note, we will also tag spoilers as #mea spoilers. So that’s it! Hope to see you soon!

#mass effect andromeda #amea #scott ryder #sara ryder #ryder #mod talk #prelaunch

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angelsndragons · 4 years ago

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i know that's not where you (or anyone else, at least from what i've seen so far) are coming from, but i think the reason it's easy to get defensive is because of how often, when a character is revealed to be aspec, it leads to posts about how that doesn't have to interfere with shipping (like because they might be grey-ace or grey-ro, in cases where their exact orientation isn't known), and it can feel dismissive even when that's not what's intended. and added to that, there is no (widely-known) term for shipping non-romantically or non-sexually, which makes it harder to distinguish between shipping that respects a character being ace or aro and shipping that ignores or erases it. (not that that means we should attack shippers, i just wanted to offer a different perspective. also apologies if this isn't super coherent, it's 2am for me)

Hello, anon, I hope you’re doing well.

So, there are a couple of things I want to address about your statement. Firstly, you are right. I agree it can get annoying when people keep pointing out that aro and/or ace characters can end up in relationships after a reveal. I understand that sometimes, it can feel like allos are trying to create a ‘well, they’re not that different from us’ narrative and package us into something that more palatable or acceptable to them and the allonormative society we live in. Yes, it can feel dismissive, as though we are not whole people unless we have the potential to enter into a “normal” relationship. I get it. It is also maddening sometimes how little attention characters get outside of potential romantic and/or sexual partnerships.

That said, I also don’t want to dismiss the aros and/or aces who choose to enter into what looks to be an allonormative relationship and who also would like some representation or who would like to write a character like them. But here’s the thing: this is the internet and you cannot tell who the person on the other end is. I also find myself wary of saying ‘only the good allos can write a story with an aroace character in a relationship.’ Not only because, again, aroace relationships and statuses are nuanced. Not only because our side of the equation finally factors into people’s perception of a character for once. Not only because this is a good learning opportunity for allos when it comes to our experiences.

Fans should be allowed to create what they want when they want, period. Yes, even offensive garbage. That is what the tags and blocking are for. I agree with you that we will have to create a few new tags as a fandom to better curate everyone’s experiences. This takes time, patience, and a willingness to assume good faith. It’s a good problem to have.

I do want to say, however, that a person’s relationship status does not change their romantic or sexual orientations. It doesn’t. You might as well say that a single person isn’t het, gay, bi, or many of the myriad of romantic and sexual orientations out there because they’re not in a relationship. An aroace person being in a relationship doesn’t change the fact that they are aroace. Writing an aroace character who has a “romantic” partner or has sex does not erase that character’s aroace identity. Are there better and worse ways to write said relationship? Absolutely. Are people wrong for wanting a way to pick out who is writing that relationship better? No, of course not. That’s why I ask people to boost the content they want and to be patient as the fandom finds better ways of tagging. Amplify and praise the people who write the character and the relationship in a way you find satisfying so that others can find them. So that we can say ‘hey, look, that looks like us, good job.’ Or find people who avoid writing relationships altogether and boost them.

Bottom line, Caduceus is canonically aroace, no one can take that away from us, any more than fans can take away Beau’s canonically a lesbian. I appreciate everyone trying to be civil as we navigate our way into this wonderful new chapter of our fandom.

#my meta #my anon #cr discourse #shipping is not activism #gatekeeping shipping is not activism

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squireofgeekdom · 4 years ago

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Boosting this for Aro Week and adding some fics I’ve written since posting it!

More IDW Transformers Quills - “When the wounds suffered can’t be hidden behind plating, they become harder to ignore. Daemon AU. First Aid, Ratchet, Luna 1 and the aftermath.” As a Luna 1 fic revolving around First Aid and Ratchet, this deals with character death and torture. It was very difficult and also very cathartic to write. While the word ‘aromantic’ isn’t used on page, Ratchet is being written as aromantic and dealing with both external and internalized aphobia. There’s also misgendering of Ratchet’s daemon. Aphobia does eventually get shouted down and there’s a hopeful ending, but it’s distinctly not a happy fic. Mind the tags. Ratchet has roped Drift into a Road Trip - “In which Drift and Ratchet take a road trip, it’s not really a songfic if the music is playing in-story, there are bad puns about being aspec and a gratuitous Voyager reference, Ratchet disapproves of some ‘mystical’ shit, there’s an emotionally heavy parked car conversation, Drift and Rodimus really don’t want to hang up the phone, there’s a debate about pineapple on pizza and a shoving war over garlic sticks, there’s only one bed except when there’s an air mattress, and sometimes you just gotta lie on a big rock with your friend until you feel better.“ This is set in my Magical Girls AU, which is a human, university au where Rodimus, Drift, Minimus, and Megatron are magical girls, no one is cis, and Ratchet is the grumpy agender med student stuck dealing with them when they get injured. It’s mentioned that Ratchet is aro in the first fic in the series, but this is the first fic where their being aroace is focal. It’s also mentioned in this fic that Rodimus is demiromantic and demisexual. This fic gets into Drift and Rodimus’s potential romantic relationship, but is generally focused on Drift and Ratchet’s friendship. There’s discussion of past sexual assault in vague terms. There’s also other issues like internalized aphobia and deadnaming/misgendering. Mind the tags, but this is a definitely a fic with more comfort than hurt, and it has a hopeful ending.

Ratchet has acquired a reason to like Valentine's day - “In which all the aros take shifts on Valentine’s day, Ratchet’s Valentines day ends with a Mythbusters marathon with Drift and Rodimus, no one’s quite sure what blue popcorn is all about but it’s there anyway, Ratchet is the best pillow, braiding hair is practically mandatory for a not-sleepover, Star Wars is put to the test, enough Hamlet discussion to fill a high school class, if you can’t have your emotionally heavy conversations in a parked car you should have them while cuddling, Ratchet is solidly the grandparent friend, a stress ball comes in handy, Baymax style fistbumps, and Ratchet gets a reason to like Valentine’s day every year.” Also set in my Magical Girls AU, kind of a follow on to the Road Trip fic. Focuses on Ratchet’s aromanticism, (with other aro characters cameoing) and on Drift and Ratchet ending up in a QPR. There’s significant discussion of suicidal ideation/passive suicidal ideation, as well as mental health stigma, and mentions of transphobia and aphobia, as well as brief mentions of gender dysphoria. Definitely a fic with more comfort than hurt, plus platonic cuddles and a happy ending. Tales of Arcadia

A Black Cat on Halloween - “Hey, speaking of Halloween plans - you’ve got that black cat, right? Archie?” There had been much exclaiming over pictures of Archie among the cafe staff, much of it fixated on ‘how did you get him to wear glasses?’(They had all assumed ‘oh, he’s nearsighted’ had been a joke.) “Yeah,” Hisirdoux says, smiling a little at the thought of how Archie would respond to being referred to that way. “Be careful he doesn’t get out tonight, y’know? People can get especially weird about black cats on Halloween. I mean, it’s not like there aren’t weirder things in town, but, you never know.” He and Archie had survived the witch trials, so he had a feeling they could handle anything the residents of Arcadia threw at them. “I’ll make sure to keep him with me,” he says, as he would, technically, do just that on patrol. “Good kid. Hey, do you ever get him to wear any Halloween costumes, or is it just the glasses?”” Aroace Nonbinary Hisirdoux, Aroace Nonbinary OC, Archie, and Claire. A Halloween fic full of self indulgent fluff and friendship and queer headcanons.

To boost the aromantic tag, here’s a collection of fics I’ve written with characters written as aro or arospec! Star Wars More Than This - AroAce!Obi-Wan’s thoughts, from his early years at the Jedi Temple through reuniting with the Force.

Connections - for an Anon prompt: AroAce Luke talking to an aspec/aro/ace Rey or other sequel trilogy characters and helping them understand their identity and just being an awesome mentor/guide. AroAce Luke, ambiguously aroace-spec Rey. Daredevil Different Kinds of Partners - “Look, I don’t know what you’ve been told, but, like, the pitter-patter heart thing? It’s not the end all, be all. It’s not an automatic trump card. Like, I’ve had the pitter-patter heart thing for lots of people, and those people? They’re not nearly as important to me as Nelson and Murdock. I don’t want to be partners and fight crime and - and narrate the action scenes in Jurassic Park with all the pitter patter heart people.” Aro Matt Murdock, Ace Foggy Nelson. Internalized arophobia, but a happy ending Not A Robot - “Here is something else true: tell someone what they are long enough, they will become it. James Wesley is told he is a robot.” Aroace Wesley. External and internalized arophobia. Not exactly a happy fic. IDW Transformers They Don’t Write Songs For You - "If it’s not the stuff of songs, if none of it was ever the stuff of songs, if none of it ever could be - It shouldn’t hurt like this.“ Ultra Magnus, in the aftermath, trying to find words for feelings that don’t have a song. (And the choir of friends that will sing along anyway.) Implied/ambiguous grey-aro Ultra Magnus. Post LL-7 fic that ended up not being canon-compliant. Angst with a found-family & friends centric happy ending.

Gravity Falls What You (Don’t) Need to Hear - Bill Cipher tells Stanford Pines he’s alone. Thirty years later, Ford is able to tell his grand-nephew that he isn’t. Sometimes, that’s all you need to hear. Aromantic Stanford Pines and Dipper Pines. Intentionally manipulative arophobia from our least favorite triangle, but a happy and affirming ending.

#aro week #aromantic awareness week #hopeful aromantic #squire's stuff

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