#and just the beautiful reminder of what Buck did for Eddie and Chris anyway

[mikereads]

Ryan reposting a 911 video for Christmas. Featuring buddie/ the Buckley Diaz family.

[eddiegettingshot]

only way pining is at all silent is if eddie realizes first which. honestly idk if i vibe with that

right lmao. not even for any reason other than that i don't know what it would look like? just a ton of subtle eddie face acting? clearly they're fine with turning his character into whatever but even if he realized, historically, he's more likely to just keep shoving it down and not letting it affect their friendship. which might be fun in some ways but like, not a lot of drama. i can think of a hundred ways this could go without Silent Pining but right now the vision i'm into is (and this will not happen but i'm dreaming) (also it got so long and you didn't even ask but i had to put it under the cut):

buck realizing somehow... either tommy says something when they amicably break up that makes him think - not "you're in love with eddie" but "i don't feel like i can give you what you want" - or maybe buddie get into some kind of minor but very apt Situation as a catalyst, idk. once buck puts it together, he's a general disaster for an episode after because now he DOES know what he wants and he doesn't know how to go after it. very 7x04 but less unhinged - maybe from buck's pov again lmao. he freaks out to maddie about it at the end; he's like, maddie, i think i'm in love with eddie. she soothes him and reminds him of what he and eddie have, and then she asks him, what are you going to do? (she doesn't tell him to tell eddie how he feels; she didn't do it before!) and buck just looks so wide-eyed and conflicted, honestly a little petrified, but he's like, i have to tell him. i need to go. i'll call you later.

he confesses to eddie in the following episode because he's buck, he can't hold it in. and eddie's absolutely floored, he did not see that coming in a million years, but he responds with all the kindness in the world. he says that buck's always going to be his best friend (?!?!?! BEGINNING OF THE END FOR BEST FRIENDISM) and this won't come between them, but he asks for a little time to... figure things out. because he's never given himself enough grace to do that. he just needs time. it's obvious something is up with them - with buck, who's trying very hard to keep it together, and with eddie, who's being mildly awkward; they won't look at each other - and everyone's like, what's happening there? at some point eddie sits down with bobby and they have the most gut-wrenching heart-to-heart you'll ever hear, about god and family and shannon, and they don't talk about buck, but bobby knows it's about buck, too. eddie starts to feel more settled. you can tell that the wheels are turning in his beautiful little head.

next episode, buck and eddie are mostly back to normal. mostly. to buck, hen's like, did you two figure things out? and buck's like uh... yeah! we're all good! cut to a flashback where they're trying to have a beer together at eddie's and it's just like always (except it's not) and then Something That Wouldn't Normally Be Romantic But Feels Romantic happens that takes things from slightly heavy to straight-up awkward. thankfully it's interrupted. maybe maddie calls or something. buck makes a hasty escape. eddie watches him go, lingering. godspeed to buck. he obviously doesn't notice that that's been happening a lot. but it's true, they are mostly back to normal, they're working like a well-oiled machine, they're talking, they're teasing each other, it's fine. buck is just relieved that he didn't ruin everything. the focus isn't really on them anyway, we just get a glimpse to tide us over.

then we get a more eddie-centric episode that's very much focused on eddie and chris and their relationship. maybe chris is going through something, maybe other diazes are involved, who knows. buck isn't really at the forefront, it's about eddie, but he shows up in small ways: chris mentions him a few times (that don't go unnoticed), eddie himself mentions him a few times, etc. either way the chris situation has something to do with their past, shannon, etc. i want eddie to have one good conversation with a family member, maybe pepa or ramon (could be helena, but i would like for them to deal with her in a different way). something that helps him realize he's not going to be alone. something about being there, showing up. i want him to hear that he's a good father and he deserves good things too. something that makes him feel like he can accept his world shattering a little bit if it's for buck. i can't decide whether i want him to actually, like, come out, but i do want it to be clear that he's been Thinking and Introspecting about his identity in the time we haven't seen him.

another episode... finally the 118 get clued in a little bit. this is totally wish fulfillment, but i want so badly for eddie and chim to have some kind of conversation (perhaps hen is there as well)... full circle for eddie telling chim (multiple times) to go after maddie... chim made the call on shannon... plus chim got a front-row seat to this whole disaster... anyway. howdie conversation. eddie says, buck told me he's in love with me. chim's like wtf but then he's like oh... that makes sense... and then we get a callback to the tomorrow isn't promised to anyone conversation. because eddie has known since buck confessed: he loves buck too, badly. it's just that it seemed like there were a thousand reasons why he couldn't have it. he realizes that over the course of this, all of those reasons seem to have fallen away: bobby helped absolve him of his guilt over shannon and his guilt over god; chris helped absolve him of his guilt over fatherhood, over not being able to build the Correct kind of family; the other diazes helped absolve him of his guilt over his desperate wish to not have to do it all alone and to not have to do it exactly right; and hen and chim give him the push to realize he's not actually out of time. things can change. he can be better. he can have good things. the 118 felt like his first good thing in a long time. so.

(meanwhile buck is... well... i don't know what he's doing. probably his own thing, some kind of arc where he realizes he isn't a worthless piece of shit and people love him. i would like him to be in therapy. he can go agonize to tommy. he and eddie continue to have weird moments all the time. haven't thought that far really).

AND THEN. it's the mid-season finale (because i want this to be 8a but i will take 8b as well so it can be the regular finale). eddie asks buck if they can talk later. buck is about to lose his mind. things are all tentative but something has clearly shifted. eddie seems lighter. everyone except buck understands what's going on, somehow. buck had mostly made peace with eddie possibly not saying it back; they're still best friends, the world didn't end, and buck is happy to wait. things are funny and soft. until... THEY get trapped in a BIG SITUATION!!!!!! a possibly-inescapable situation! either it's eddie or it's both of them. eddie doesn't confess in this situation and buck wouldn't let him anyway. instead they finally talk about when eddie got shot + the will, but this time it's eddie realizing what it was like for buck (The Bathena Parallels). he didn't get to see buck's devotion when the well collapsed or when he was bleeding out in the street, but he gets to see it now. buck tells eddie he loves him for the second time ever. we get because, evan 2.0. then they're rescued against all odds obviously.

after the ordeal, they're both exhausted and fucked up and eddie asks buck if he wants to come over. buck says yes, obviously. cue love confession of all time in eddie's kitchen, where eddie's voice and eyes and hands are so gentle. then they kiss like they're trying to eat each other. buddie canon. <3

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

I’m so excited for the throuple fic Eddie and Shannon need to both get their man 🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼

Buck you can figure this time loop thing out i believe in you ➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰

Bedsharing buddie they need to get their head out their pillows and realize how unhinged they are 🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️

THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

45 for 🔼:

---

“I know we need to actually talk about it, but I really love it,” Shannon explains, talking sort of rapidly. “And… I mean, I am the one making her. I let you consult on the first name, so-”

“I love it,” Eddie interjects. 

Shannon stills. “You do?”

He nods. “I do.”

“Oh,” she exhales.

“Christopher and Jane,” Eddie tests the sound of it on his tongue. “Yep. Love it.”

Shannon smiles, wet-eyed. “See? He named our kid.”

Eddie takes her hand and squeezes it. “He won’t hold it against you, Shannon. I don’t think so, anyway.”

“Thanks,” she sighs. “Uh, for everything.”

“You, too,” he smiles weakly. 

“Is this the weirdest conversation we’ve ever had?” She asks.

Eddie considers. 

“Nah. The second.”

“Second?” 

“Nothing beats the argument you had with my mom over circumcision with our two day-old baby in the room.”

Shannon snorts. “Oh god, I forgot.”

“Yeah, and I never will.” 

“I was right, though,” Shannon says adamantly.

“Yeah,” Eddie says quietly. “You were right.”

▶️ 

It takes Eddie a little under an hour after that to get home. Shannon lets him take a quick shower, and then he drives back to the house. When he does, he finds the Jeep parked on the street, and Buck sitting on his porch steps, red-eyed.

Oh, jeez. Did Buck come here to confess? To a crime that doesn’t belong to him? 

“Hey,” Eddie says as he climbs out of the truck. “What are you doing here?”

He knows. But he’s trying to play it cool. 

---

48 for ➰:

⚠️DISCCUSION OF DEATH/DYING AHEAD READ WITH CAUTION⚠️

That’s certainly not the name of their hotel.

Buck mounts the clock and searches the name on his phone. Adventist Health Twin Cities is a nearby hospital in Templeton, California. With an ER and a neurology department. 

Again, interesting.

He supposes it’s possible that the hospital sold things like clocks and other basic decor to the hotel… But it’s unlikely, right? Especially if this clock is connected to their time problem, it seems like something else must be afoot here. 

Whatever.

Buck only has this one theory, and he has to trust it. 

➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰

Half an hour later, they’re sitting on a big patio eating a complimentary hotel breakfast. Chris looks mildly zombified. Nevermind the fact he wakes up way earlier than this for school. Eddie is indulging in a very big breakfast. He’s practically dumping sugar in his coffee. Buck has the urge to remind him he won’t sleep, but doesn’t follow it. 

Buck eats his waffles, trying to be content with this final breakfast. He’s glad they didn’t do a drive-thru. It’s really a shame he won’t be able to taste the sea bass tonight. That shit is delicious when you don’t have a brain bleed. 

He looks out at the serenely gorgeous view of the ocean. The early morning light only makes it all the more fantastic. Their slice of heaven in purgatory. 

Buck remembers what he said the first time. 

“We should come back here again.”

Eddie looks at him for a long time. There’s a rueful quality to the glint in his eyes. 

“Anytime you want,” he says, voice a little shaky.  

He’s still trying to figure Buck out. 

Buck hopes he won’t. 

➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰

They go on the guided kayaking tour of the estuary. Thankfully, Buck has practice in knowing what’s going to happen, and allowing it anyway. 

He doesn’t tease Brittany this time. Doesn’t play any games or act like a smart ass. He just enjoys the day. 

“If you’re really lucky, we’ll see sea slugs!” Brittany exclaims as they get into their kayaks. “We have opalescent nudibranch slugs all over and the colors they come in are amazing. They’re beautiful!”

“I think it’s really cool that you’re so passionate,” Buck tells her. 

They help Chris into his kayak, and then Eddie calmly and expertly explains the best way to paddle. Buck doesn’t comment on it. Doesn’t make any quips. Seems cruel now, in hindsight. Eddie probably fucking hates kayaking. Buck sure does. 

The tour goes as well as always. They see the seals, sea lions, and otters. They spot some of those famous sea slugs. 

---

Sweet talk is posted for 48 for anything else????

[thesrctsoftheuniverse]

so over the weekend (literally two days) i watched 16 of the 18 episodes of season 3....... so here's my thoughts!!!!

i've already professed my love for the characters more than enough but i just need to remind everyone that i am sosososo in love with all these fucking characters, what a truly insanely likeable lineup of different personalities

eddie getting buck to babysit chris so he stops being stuck in a depressive spiral.... genius

the earthquake episodes last season were insane, but the tsunami disaster?????? off the charts. the scenes with buck and chris were fucking beautiful, i love this duo and need more of them NOW. buck cares about that kid so goddamn much. and while tired and injured he saves idk how many more people. the way him and chris are fighting for their lives and then buck is desperately looking for chris all while eddie thinks they're completely safe. eddie was freaking out last season because his son was stuck in a school, but he was calm during this disaster because he was with BUCK. it makes me so emotional. im sosososo glad that i had seen the outcome of chris being found before watching the episode bc idk how people who didnt know that beforehand could handle it. the scene with eddie finding buck with chris' glasses???? im going to start crying. and after all of that for buck being so sure eddie wouldnt trust him anymore only for him to drop off chris again like its nothing?? im going to sob

from what i have read online the lawsuit storyline is a very divisive topic in the fandom. i kind of see both sides. i can see that buck thought his hands were tied and that the only family he had was replacing him. but i know at the same time that it's an overreaction. bobby didnt have any reason to have buck stay on leave for that long when chimney proudly proclaims he went back to work after only a couple of weeks. i understand that bobby cares about buck like a son somewhat, but he was not being fair. buck also shows that he didn't really want to cause as much hurt and friction between them by apologising again and again and not even thinking about accepting the money, going back to the 118 even though he knew they were going to make it difficult for him. it was a tricky situation, but im glad they moved on from it fairly quickly.

the fight club eddie storyline is kind of wild????? also did he ever get any reporcussions from bobby for that??? men will literally do anything but talk about their issues and deal with their feelings. what an insanely gay thing to do.

love eddies conversation with bobby where he starts crying. eddie should cry more often (i say this with love)

lena im in love with you, do you like women?

chris' english teacher is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo beautiful

i truly love seeing athena and her family grow and change over time. the relationship between bobby and michael is so important to me. i love them together. and michael's tumor storyline??? heartbreaking.

love albert!

chimney and maddie i love you two soso much you deserve the world, youre so imporant to me. chimney respecting maddies boundaries no matter what.... im gonna cry (A BABY?????????)

the episode of 911 dispatch being taken over might just be one of the best episodes of the series. i especially loved that we got to see characters that other times didnt get as much screentime. LOVE LOVE LOVE JOSH!!!

the athena begins episode is heartbreaking. and beautiful. the closure at the end, with her telling emmet's mother that they made an arrest. how beautiful. really well done. she never gave up on finding that man.

the eddie begins episode is also beautiful. him cutting the fucking rope???? idk how they want me to believe that he swam to safety but whatever..... anyways he loves chris so much and we got to see more of his and shannon's marriage which i loved. to be fair, he was kind of a shitty father and definitely a shitty husband, shannon was clearly not ok and i understand why she left. doesnt make it right, but i understand it. when he gets stuck underground and buck starts losing his mind, screaming, crying, throwing up and bobby gives him /that/ look. oh kill me now. that man was gonna dig by hand .... i love them.

the episode of buck helping that old veteran feel important and not alone at the end of his life? im going to start crying again. buck truly believes that no one will ever love him or choose him or stay with him forever.

michael talking to harry about what being black means when they encounter police was incredibly moving and heartbreaking. but also important. i just love athena's family.

hen hitting that cello girl with the ambulance...... oh i cried so hard, my heart broke for her. karen and her are so amazing together i love them so much, they truly are each other's rock.

i love the buckley siblings. i love the side characters. i love the main characters. i have so many thoughts.

abby....i understand that she had to get away from everything to find herself ok? but she shoudlve just texted or sent a letter to buck just to give him closure and not let him keep haunting her apartment. i dont like them as a couple, this shit has clearly hurt buck deeply and will not be easy for him to get over. she didnt really seem all to apologetic either at the end. i get it but also why did u have to hurt buck by not ever responding and ghosting him????

got so many funny and beautiful scenes this season, it was amazing!!! truly loved every character. it had that gay ass buddie kitchen scene... lol

but anyways....im already done with two episdoes of season 4 so bye

[libraryofloveletters]

Ok blurb concept, reader is Eddies sister who works as a kindergarten teacher (just like bundle of beautiful sunshine) but Eddie said Buck isn’t allowed to date her like at all. And they just are secretly dating and Eddie goes to Bucks apartment for a surprise bro night but Buck and Y/N going at it on the couch and Eddie just walks in and... yeah... sorry if that’s hells specific!

-A💕

Sisters & Misters 

Evan Buckley x Diaz!Reader, Eddie Diaz x Sister!Reader

Warnings: Fem!reader, kissing, alcohol consumption, mentions of drugs and sex toys, sibling disagreements, arguments, tears, one or two swear words

Category: Angst/fluff

Word Count: 6.2k

Author’s note: this is a longggg one, anyway enjoy! this one’s for you A <3

----

Her heels click on the concrete floors as she enters the station. 

“Edmundo?!” her voice carries through the entire station. 

All eyes were on the man sitting at the table. His head perks up at the sound of her voice, eyes going wide. “Oh fuck. Buck, stall her, I’ll explain later.” Eddie pushes the chair back and walks towards the bunks, leaving his best friend to deal with the woman looking for him. Buck’s eyes flicker between the room and then the stairs, surely Eddie had a good reason for his sudden disappearance. 

Jogging down the stairs, he comes face to face with a woman. He took a moment to admire her, a simple black top tucked into a skirt with a floral pattern. A pair of black heels tying the look together. To say she was breathtakingly beautiful would be an understatement. 

“Eddie's in the shower. Can I help you?” Buck asks the woman who was now looking him up and down. 

“You are?” 

“Evan Buckley, call me Buck” a smile on his face. 

“Is my brother really in the shower or is he hiding from me?” the amusement audible in her voice.

“If I tell you the truth, what are you gonna do?” 

“Depends. Why did he have Abuela pick up Chris from school ?”

“I- uh, I don’t have the answer to that.” 

The woman hums, Buck glances back at the kitchen. “Is he up there?” she asks him and before Buck can answer, she pushes past him and makes her way upstairs. 

“You can’t be up here- never mind” Buck doesn’t bother chasing after her when he sees her approaching her brother. Eddie shot Buck a glare, Buck mouths a ‘sorry’ before taking a seat on the couch.

He can hear bits of the conversation. She’s yelling at him for having Abuela pick up Christopher when she specifically told him that she would do it. Eddie tries to reason with her but she doesn’t listen to him. Buck watches the two of them and smiles to himself. The Diaz siblings remind him a lot of him and Maddie when they were younger- even up to now, they still bickered like children. Her hand stretched out, seeming like she was waiting for Eddie to give her something. He then reaches into his pocket, fishing his keys out and giving them to her. A smile on her face, she kisses his cheek and turns towards the stairs. 

“Nice to meet you Buck” smiling at the man on the couch, she makes her way down the stairs. 

Buck mumbles a bye when he can feel Eddie’s eyes on him. “What was that about?” Buck leans back on the couch, looking at his friend. Eddie sighs and shakes his head, sitting on the couch beside Buck. 

“That was my sister, y/n” 

“I gathered that much” 

“She’s off work today and said she’d pick up Chris from school but she had to take her car into the shop. She was running late and I called Abuela to pick up Chris. I didn’t exactly tell her about the change in plans so she was kind of shocked when she showed up and saw Abuela there with Chris.” 

Buck chucked, “what does she do ?” 

“She’s a kindergarten teacher. She works at the school down the street from my place- Chris’s old school” 

“Hm that’s cool but why did she take your keys ?” 

“Oh, yeah. Her car is still in the shop. She took my truck so I'm gonna need a ride home tonight” he gives his friend a small smile. Buck laughs and nods, “yeah, I got you” 

--- 

Eddie and Buck were on the way to Eddie’s house. The two men stopped for pizza per request of Christoper. After Eddie’s sister left the station, she picked up Chris and went back to Eddie’s place. 

Eddie walked in first, Buck followed him in. “Buddy! I’m home!” Eddie calls for Chris, he glances at you laying on the couch. You didn’t realize that Eddie hasn't come home alone so your attention was still on the tv. Eddie leaves Buck in the living room and walks to Christopher’s room. 

Buck puts the box of pizza on the coffee table, that’s when you realized he was there. Pulling your legs back towards your side of the couch, you sit up. 

“Hey” you smile at the man now sitting on the other side of the couch. 

“Hi” he returns the smile. 

“How was work ?” you ask as you get up off the couch 

“It was fine, just a regular day.” His eyes follow you as you walk into the kitchen. You had discarded the heels and changed from your top and skirt, now in a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt, you seemed more relaxed. 

“Do you want a beer ?” calling for him, he shouts back a yes. Buck makes his way to the kitchen, you hand him a bottle and turn to the drawers. “Where’s the opener?” mumbling to yourself and tumbling through the drawer. 

Buck taps your shoulder, handing you an open bottle. Your brows furrowed, had he found the opener ? Buck picks up the other bottle and twists the cap off, you hum and mumble a thanks before hopping up on the counter. Eddie’s now in the living room with Chris, he tells him that he’d be right back with a plate.

Eddie opens the cupboard next to you, he glances at you. “Are those my clothes ?” 

“Mhm hm” taking a sip of your beer, your eyes were on Buck. He smiles at you and takes a seat at the kitchen table. 

“You went in my room ?” 

“I did. Is that an issue ? Do you have something to hide ?” 

“Obviously not” Eddie rolls his eyes. 

“Drugs ?” your question earns a smack to the arm from your brother. “Oh my god, sex toys?” you gasp, you know Eddie would shout at you for that one. 

“Y/n! Shut up! Chris is right there” 

“You didn’t say no.. but good for you” Eddie groans in annoyance, Buck on the other hand, chokes on his beer when you congratulate your brother on his alleged sex toy. Eddie shoots you a glare and goes to the living room to help Chris with the pizza. 

“So, you” turning your attention to Buck, “do you have siblings ?” 

“Yeah, a sister. Maddie.” 

“Oh yeah, Ed’s told me about her. She’s the one dating um- what’s his name ?” 

“Chimney ?”

“Yeah! That’s it!” Buck smiles at you. Eddie returns to tell you that the pizza is going to get cold if you don’t eat it soon. You and Buck pause your conversation and go to eat. The rest of the evening was spent with the 3 guys, Christoper tells you about all the times he and Buck hung out. Eddie and Buck also tell you about the first time they met, how Buck was jealous - he claims he wasn’t- and how they pulled a grenade out of a man. 

“Alright buddy. Time for bed” Eddie turns to Chris who is now groaning. “Ten more minutes dad” he looks at his father, his best pout on his face. Eddie smiles at his son, ruffling his hair before kissing the top of his head. “Come on, you’ve got school in the morning. Buck’ll come back another day and hang out.” Eddie reasons with him, Chris looks at Buck. 

“Promise you’ll come over this weekend ?” 

“Yeah, of course” he smiles at Chris. Chris gives Buck a hug and then comes over to you and gives you one too. “Sleep well kiddo” kissing his cheek, you smile at the little boy as he goes to meet his father in his room. 

Once again, it’s just you and Buck in the living room. Breaking the silence, you speak up first. “You’re good with him” 

“It’s not hard. He’s a great kid” 

“Can I-” “Are you-” the sentences cut each other off. “You first” you smile at him, he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth. Letting a sigh, he glances towards the hallway. “Can I get your number ?” 

“Oh I actually have a boyfriend” 

“Oh you’re- oh god. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were dating-” “Buck, I'm kidding.” biting the inside of your cheek to hold back a laugh, Buck visibly relaxes. He hands the phone to you, letting you put your number in his phone. 

When Eddie returns from Christoper’s room, he stops and watches you and Buck on the couch. Buck’s arm draped over the back on the couch, his hand on your shoulder. You were leaning into Buck’s side, your arm on his thigh, propping yourself up. To a stranger, the two of you would pass as a couple. 

Eddie wasn’t pleased at all. 

“Buck, it’s pretty late, isn't it?” He asks, stepping further into the living room. Buck raises a brow, Eddie seemed to be in a hurry to get him out of there. You on the other hand, knew exactly what your brother was playing at. It was pretty late and both he and Eddie had a shift the next morning but Eddie had his own reason for wanting Buck to go. 

“You know what?” you sit up, “I'll watch Chris tomorrow and I'll swing by the station to see you” you tell Eddie, but that last part about swinging by the station was directed to Buck. 

“Carla’s coming tomorrow” Eddie gives you a look, he also knew what you were playing at. 

“Give her the day off. It’s Saturday and I'd love to spend the day with my nephew.” giving you brother a look, he knew you weren't going to back down so he gave in. 

“Yeah, um- I'll get going” Buck stands, he looks back at you on the couch and smiles. “See you tomorrow” once again, a statement said to Eddie but directed to someone else- you. 

When Buck stepped out, Eddie turned to you. “I know what you’re thinking” he says, a confused expression on your face. “And what am I thinking?” 

“You like him.” Eddie sits beside you. 

“Mhm hm” 

“Y/n, don’t.” 

“Eddie, I'm not a baby anymore. You don’t have a say in who I date.” 

“First of all, I'm your brother, I will always have a say. Buck- he’s my friend but he doesn’t exactly have the greatest track record with women. I don’t want you to get hurt, so just don’t. Okay ?” he pleads, you nod. 

“Okay.” you smile at your brother, he leans down and kisses the top of your head. 

Of course, you just tell him what he wants to hear and deep down, he knows that too. When you want something, you always get it, one way or another. 

Buck wouldn’t be the exception. 

---- 

Eddie sees Buck in the locker room when he arrives at work, he heads straight in so he’d have a chance to talk to Buck before work. “Hey man” Eddie smiles at his friend when he walks in. “Hey Eds, what’s up?” Buck returns the smile when he shut his locker door. 

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” Eddie shoves his bag in his locker, his back now pressed up against the lockers. Buck was almost 90% sure he knew where this conversation was going but he hummed, waiting for Eddie to say something. 

“You and y/n seemed comfortable on the couch last night” 

“What ?” Buck laughed, he was just sitting beside her. What the hell was Eddie going on about? 

“The arm on the back of the couch, her leaning on you” he says, like that was so obvious. 

“Dude, my arm was just resting there. I sit beside you like that” he gives him a ‘are you serious’ look. 

“Hm” Eddie turns back to his locker, Buck’s face twists into a confused look. 

“Hm? What was that ‘hm’ about?” he asks the man across from him. 

“Nothing” Eddie mumbles, Buck knows Eddie better than he thinks. That ‘hm’ wasn't nothing, it obviously meant something. 

“Eddie, c’mon man. What is it?” 

“You want the truth ?” Eddie shifts to face his friend. 

Buck nods, “always.” Eddie lets out a sigh before he speaks. “She’s my little sister, man and you’re my best friend, you know that” he reaches out, his hand on Buck’s shoulder. “You don’t make the best choices when it comes to relationships and when you do, they tend to leave.” Eddie’s words sunk into the deepest parts of Buck’s heart, he was right- but god did the words hurt. 

“Y/n, she’s young- naive. She doesn't know what she wants and I just don’t want to see her hurt you, and I definitely don’t need you to hurt her either.” 

“Eddie, just say it.” Buck’s head tilts slightly, a small sigh slips past his lips. 

“If you know what’s good for you- both of you, you’ll stay away from her. I won’t allow you to date her.” Eddie tells him, Buck can’t help but laugh. Eddie’s brows furrow, a scowl present on his face. 

“What ?”

“You ‘won’t allow it’? She’s not 12.” he chucked, “I think she’s more than capable of making her own choices.” 

“No, she isn’t but she’s still my sister- and it’ll always be my job to protect her, even if that means protecting her from you.”  

“Are you kidding me ? Protect her from me? Eddie, do you hear yourself ? You act like you’re going to hurt her.” he huffed. 

“One way or another, it’s gonna end with her being hurt and honestly no one-” Eddie cuts his sentence short.

“No one what?” 

“No one is good enough for her, not even you.” and with that, Eddie walks out of the locker room. Buck can’t believe the words that just left his mouth- that last line running through his mind over and over again. 

“Not even you.”

Buck decides that he’d do what was asked of him for once and stay away from you. A crush wasn’t worth ruining his friendship with Eddie over. His phone buzzes in his pocket, pulling it out, he checks who it is. Speak of the devil herself. 

To Buck: Hey, you free tonight ? 

From Buck: Listen I don’t think I should talk to you. It's not you, it's me. 

To Buck: Bullshit

To Buck: It’s neither of us. It’s Eddie and his lack of ability to keep his mouth shut. 

From Buck: He's my friend and your brother. I don’t want to cause problems for us or between the two of you. 

To Buck: Buck, that’s very sweet of you but I'm an adult. I make my own choices even if Eddie isn't happy with them and if he isn't, well that’s just too bad for him. 

From Buck: I understand 

To Buck: So lemme ask again, are you free tonight ? 

From Buck: Yeah, is 7 okay ? 

To Buck: 7 is perfect, I'll see you then 

---- 

A few months has passed, you and Buck are happily in a relationship. Most days together were spent outside of LA, sometimes you’d go to the beach or venture into the little parks or hideaways you’d pass when you’re on the freeway. 

That man meant the world to you but it didn’t feel right sneaking around behind your brother’s back but of course you knew that you couldn’t tell him. 

Today was a normal day for you and Buck, an afternoon spent at some farmer’s market you had wanted to go to and Buck had the day off so he joined you. He was driving back into the city when he looked over at you. 

“Do you wanna go back to my place?” he asks, his hand on your thigh. Your hand rested on top of his, your thumb gently rubbing back and forth. A small hum slips past your lips, Buck takes the noise as a yes and heads back to his place. 

The moment you arrived at his place, you were up the stairs and dropped yourself on his bed. You had been here enough to know where everything was. Buck’s footsteps were loud, his shoes hitting the steps as he made his way up. There was some shuffling and then he dropped onto the bed with you. 

“Hey” he smiles, shifting back onto the pillows.

His back is resting against his pillow that was resting against the headboard of the bed. You on the other hand, were laid face down onto the mattress, you mumbled something when he said hi that he didn’t quite catch. 

“Come here” his leg nudged your shoulder and that’s when you lifted your head to see him against the pillows. Pushing yourself up, you moved over to Buck. Your head on his chest, hair sprawled across his shirt. His arm was wrapped around your body, holding you close to him almost if he let you then you wouldn't be there anymore. The shoulder of your top had fallen from your shoulder when you moved, Buck’s fingers replacing the warmth it provided, adding a different version of warmth. His fingers traced small patterns against your skin, your arm draped over his torso. 

“You know I love you” he whispers, looking down at you. A smile on his face when you look up at your lover, a smile on your face too. “I know, I love you too” 

Buck leans down, his forehead almost touching yours. You met his gaze, watching as his eyes slowly flickered from your eyes down to your lips and then back up again. Leaning in closer, as your lips meet, Buck gently pulls you closer, his hand cupping your cheek and his thumb rubbing affectionately against your jaw. His other hand rested on your waist, you were leaning up, it was uncomfortable for you to keep leaning like that so you shifted yourself onto his lap. Hands coming up to his shoulders, moving to the hair at the nape of his neck. 

Buck pulled away first, his lips moving from yours to your cheek and down towards your neck. A small hum slips past your lips as Buck’s lips reach the little spot at the base of your neck. His arms wrap around your waist, pulling you closer, his body now pressed against yours. Once more, kisses are being pressed around your skin, up to your jaw and back down to your collarbone. You lean back slightly, Buck’s arms holding you from falling back. 

That’s when you see him. Wide eyed and arms folded. 

Your body stiffens up, sitting up straight. Buck doesn't seem to notice the change in your position, he's made his way down to your chest. 

“Buck?” 

“Hm?” 

“Is that Eddie behind me ?” 

The mention of Eddie caused Buck to pull away. He glances over your shoulder to see Eddie standing by the top of the staircase. “Uh- yeah” he mumbled, loosening his hold on you. Getting up off Buck’s lap, you turn to Eddie. 

“How long have you been there?” 

“Long enough to realize that you two aren't just friends” 

“Why are you even here?” you question him again 

“Came to see if Buck wanted to watch the game but clearly, he has other plans - like sleeping with my sister even after I told him not too” his voice raises, he starts walking towards the bed. Your hand pushes against Eddie’s chest, pushing him away from Buck’s bed. 

“What are you gonna do ? Beat him up for kissing me ? I’m a grown up Eddie. Stay out of my business.” 

“Your business ? You’re sleeping with my friend!” 

“Your friend, also happens to be my boyfriend you ass!” you smack your hand against his chest. The anger visible on Eddie’s face and the confusion visible on Buck’s face, the undeniable tension building by the second. 

“Go,” you look at Eddie, pushing him back towards the stairs. “Get out” 

“What ?” 

“Get out.” 

“This isn’t your place, don’t tell me what to do-” “it’s as much her place as it is mine and if she wants you to leave, then you should.” Buck pipes up for the first time during that whole conversation. He gets up off the bed, his arm over your shoulder, holding you close to him. 

Eddie couldn't believe the audacity of the two of you. 

His sister and his best friend. The two people he thought would listen to his concerns, ganging up on him and forcing him out. 

“Yeah, okay.” He turns and makes his way to the stairs, looking back once more at them, “this won’t end well.” 

They watch as Eddie walks down the stairs, the door opening and then slamming shut. A heavy sigh before turning to Buck, the sadness evident on your face. “Oh baby, come here” His arm pulls you into his side. Arms around his torso and your face buried in his chest, his hand gently rubs your back.

Sure, you might have just yelled at Eddie but he was still your brother. He only did what he did with good intentions. Why did things have to be so complicated? 

“What are we going to do?” mumbling, face still buried in his chest. You feel him sigh, “whatever you want to do baby. It’s your choice.” 

“All the pressure on me? Great, thanks so much Evan.” you joke, he chuckles lightly. 

“No, baby. He’s your brother and I know how much he cares about you. Plus your relationship with him is important, so you should do what you think would be best for you, I’ll understand” 

“Are you sure ?” you lean back into his arms, looking up at him. 

“Of course. If you want to stick it out, I can deal with the cold shoulder at work if I really need too but if not, we can...” 

“End things?” you finish his sentence for him, he hums. 

Untangling yourself from him, you sit on the bed. Buck moves and sits next to you. His hand holding yours, fingers intertwined. “I don’t want to lose you” you say quietly, he answers, “I don’t want to lose you too.” There’s a pause in the conversation before Buck speaks up again. “But, I also know that you don’t want to lose him either.” 

“Buck, what are you saying?” glancing at your boyfriend, he gives you a small smile, a sad one nonetheless. 

“I think we should end things.” 

“Buck-” you breathe, “y/n, please. I get what Eddie is trying to do, he’s protecting you the only way he knows how. I’d do the same for Maddie in a heartbeat. I also know that Maddie would do anything to make sure we were okay, no one comes between us- and you two are the same way. So, if ending things is the only way to make sure that you don’t ruin your relationship with your brother, then that’s what we’ll do.” his hand squeezes yours softly. You can feel the tears welling up by your eyes threatening to fall. 

“Are you sure this is what we should do ? Are you okay with this?” 

“Y/n, I'll always be here for you. It’ll always be you” he smiles, his hand coming up to cup your cheek, you smile too. 

“C’mon, I'll walk you down” the two of you get up, hands still holding one another, walking down the stairs and to the door. Turning to look at him, he pulled you back to him, his arms embracing you in a hug- a hug that didn’t feel like a ‘see you later’ but rather a goodbye. 

“I love you, always.” he whispers to you, kissing your temple. You sniffle, holding back tears. “I love you” leaning back into his arms, your hand cups his cheek, your thumb delicately rubbing over his cheekbone. After what felt like forever, you opened the door and stepped out. One last look at him, you muster up as best of a smile as you could. 

“Bye Buck” 

“Bye y/n.” 

You manage to hold it together until you get to the car, the tears that were threatening to fall upstairs were now falling and the reality of what just happened now settling in and felt heavy upon your shoulders. Upstairs, with his back against the door, a similar scene unfolded. Buck made his way back up to his bed, laying down as his arm stretched out to the right side- the side where you were supposed to be but you weren’t. He too, was now feeling the weight of what had just happened and suddenly his apartment started to feel a little bigger and a lot less like home. 

---- 

Over the next few weeks, Eddie starts to notice a change in both his little sister and his best friend. 

You weren't your normal bubbly self. You went from rainbows and sunshine to grey clouds and rainy days. The witty remarks that typically bit Eddie in the ass after saying something stupid came to a halt, the random visits to hangout with your two favourite boys had stopped. It was hard to get you out of your apartment unless you were absolutely needed. 

Buck on the other hand, was quiet. Which of course was strange because he’s Mr. talkative. The same guy that was running head fire into fires and collapsing buildings now waited for instructions. He also didn’t blurt out random facts or babble on about natural disasters. Surely, he still hung out with Eddie and Chris after work but it wasn't the same, Eddie could sense the change in him- Chris noticed too. 

Was he the reason for the change ? He knew that the two of you had ended things and admittedly, he had been pleased when he first found out. Then he started to notice the changes in you and now Buck, things weren't the same. He hadn’t realized how much you two meant to each other until he saw you apart. 

Eddie had the day off, he and Chris were headed to the beach for the day.  it was such a nice day so he thought why not see if you were up to it. 

From Eddie: headed to the beach with Chris for a bit. Wanna join us ? I know he misses his tia 

To Eddie: not really in a beach mood today 

Form Eddie: you don’t have to do anything, just hang out with us.

To Eddie: fine, I'll see you there. 

You weren't the only one Eddie texted. 

To Buck: headed to the beach with Chris for a bit. Wanna join us ? 

From Buck: kinda busy today man, maybe another time ? 

To Buck: sure you can’t squeeze it in ? I know he misses you 

From Buck: okay fine, I'll probably have to leave early tho 

This was the only way he could think of. He knew if he had told you both to just come over, it wouldn't end well. You would have seen Buck’s car or Buck would have seen yours but the beach was a big place, with a big parking lot so there was so way either of you would notice, right? The entire drive over, he kept thinking about how he hated seeing you like this. You were his sister and all he’s ever wanted was for you to be happy. Buck was his best friend, his partner- things weren't right if they weren't okay. If he was the only thing standing in the way of your two, then he would make it right. 

You arrived first, laying on the sand on top of a beach towel. The heat of the sun beating down on your skin until something blocked the sun. Opening your eyes, your brother stood in front of you with your nephew beside him. 

“You’re blocking my sun” 

“Nice to see you too sis” Eddie rolled his eyes, shutting the bag down beside you. 

“Hey buddy” you sat up, Chris sat beside you on the sand. “Hi” he gave you a big smile, the kind that warmed your heart. Eddie made himself comfortable on the other side of Chris, the two men turned their attention to the sand, Christoper deciding that he would build the most amazing sand castle known to man - his words of course. Half way through the sand castle, Eddie was tumbling through the bag for something. 

“What are you looking for ?” turning onto your side, you look up at him. 

“Forgot the sunblock in the car, I don’t want Chris to burn. I’ll be back, watch him ?” 

“Mhm of course” you hum, rolling back onto your back. One more glance at Christopher, he was happily building away, brushing away the sand from around the castle and adding towers. Your eyes shut and once again, the heat of the sun beating down against your skin. The warmth was comfortable, so much so that it was putting you to sleep, you just had to keep yourself awake long enough for Eddie to return from the car. Chris was humming a song, you couldn't quite place where you had heard it but you knew that you knew it. 

Suddenly, the warmth vanished. sitting up, you turned with the intention of asking your brother why he kept blocking the sun but when you turned, you were met with someone else- Buck. 

“What are you doing here ?” you ask him. 

“Eddie invited me.” he sits beside Chris, leaning over to give him a high five when Chris tells him about his plans for his sandcastle. 

Returning to your original position, your back sinking into the sand- all of the possible things that could have resulted in this situation ran through your head. 1. Eddie forgot that he invited both of you hence both of you being here. 

2. Eddie intentionally invited you both here.

3. Eddie’s just an idiot that didn’t care about how this would make either of you feel so he invited you both. 

All of which were very much possible. You can hear Eddie calling for Christoper as he makes his way back over to the 3 of you. A small smile on his face when he sees the 3 of you- you knew that look all too well, he was up to something. 

“Hey Buck” he smiles at his friend, sitting between the two of you. 

Propping your elbow up, you lean up and exchange glances with Buck- both of you equally confused as to why Eddie had both of you here. Eddie noticed the glances but Chris on the other hand, was happily rebuilding his castle as a wave had washed away a part of it. 

“Eds, what’s going on ?” asking him, your brows furrow

“What do you mean ?” his head tilts, a hint of amusement mixed with the confused look on his face. 

“She means, why are we both here when you were dead set on keeping us apart” Buck chimes in. 

Eddie hums, the conversation drops. Eddie takes a deep breath and lets it out as a sigh, looking at you before looking at Buck. “You know all I ever wanted was for you to be happy.” Eddie reaches for your hand, now holding it. “I know, I always say no one is good enough for you and I still think that- I always will because I see you as a literal angel, y/n. You have always been my perfect little sister who no one was ever good enough for- but I’ve been stupid. So incredibly stupid.” he sighs 

“What are you going on about ?” you ask, not that you minded but you were so confused as to what brought on the sudden outpour of love. 

“I hadn't ever seen you as happy as you were when you were with Buck. I know you told you to stay away from him but I shouldn't have- it wasn’t my place to do that. Sometimes I forgot that you’re an adult now and you’re capable of making your own choices” Eddie glances at Buck, thinking back to their conversation in the locker room. 

Eddie now turns to Buck, “if you make her happy and she makes you happy, who am I to stand between the two of you? you both now how much you mean to me and to Christoper” he looks towards Chris, “if you promise to treat her well and take care of her, then we’re good.” 

“I do” Buck smiles at Eddie, the joy evident on his face. So much for a subtle reaction. You weren't sure if you bought it- the whole ‘if you make each other happy’ shit that Eddie just said. 

“Do you mean that ?” your brother looked back towards you, he nodded. “Of course. Your happiness is all that matters y/n. I trust your judgment and I trust buck, I know he’d treat you well.” he gave your hand a small squeeze. You hummed, Buck gave you a smile. 

Getting up and brushing the sand from your legs, you walk toward Chris and crouch down beside him. Eddie and Buck watch, Chris laughs at something you say, a smile on both you and him. Chris gets up, his hand in yours as the two of you walk towards the edge of the water. You stood behind him, your arms looped around him to hold him. The two of you laughed as the water splashed against your legs. 

Some time rolled by and Chris was now tired. “How about we head home and we can watch a movie ?” he nods and you look back at Eddie, giving him a look. He comes over and picks Chris up, the little boy wrapping his arms around his dad. Buck picked up the stuff Eddie had brought and the 4 of you headed towards the cars. 

When you get home, Chris decides that he wants to watch Hotel Transylvania and obviously you agree. You’ve seen this movie a million and one times because your class loves this movie. You and Chris settle in on the couch, he cuddles into your side as your arm comes up and wraps around him. Eddie and Buck were in the kitchen trying to decide what to order for dinner. Before they could decide, you were calling for Eddie to come get Chris - lil man had fallen asleep on you not even 15 minutes into the movie. 

“He’d be more comfortable in bed” you tell your brother as he comes over to pick Chris up and carry him to bed. Once Eddie picks him up, you head to the kitchen. Buck leaning against the counter, a beer in one hand and the other hand on the counter. 

“Are you just not going to talk to me ?” he calls out, you were leant into the fridge, getting yourself a beer. “What do you want me to say ?” you ask, “you really believe all that shit ?” 

“What ? That he wants you to be happy ? Yeah, I do.” 

You scoff and shake your head. Buck might be Eddie’s best friend but you knew  him better than Buck did. Eddie said what you wanted to hear the most, he just wanted to see if you did what he wanted you to do. Buck’s hand grabs yours, pulling your body close to his. One of his arms was now wrapped around your waist, flipping you so now you were stuck between him and the counter. 

“Y/n, why can’t you just take what's in front of you as the answer ?” 

“Buck, I'm literally a teacher. It’s my job to look into the problem. Isn't that part of your job too ? 

“No- well yes, but that’s not the point right now. The simplest answer is often the right one and if Eddie thinks we'd be happy together and he gave us his blessing- which I know was important to you, then why can’t you just be happy?” 

Hands coming up and resting on his chest, you sigh. Buck smiles, it felt good to have you back in his arms- he never wanted to let go. 

“Y/n” he starts, 

“Don’t say it” warning him, you look up at the stupid grin on his face. 

“I love you” he says with a smile. 

“Damn it Buckley.” 

“What ?” 

“Now I have to say it back huh ?” you joke, Buck’s face twists into a look of shock and amusement. 

“Y/n!” he pinches your waist softly, you laugh.

“I love you too” 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought” Buck’s hands on your waist pull you closer- you didn’t even realize that was possible. Warmth blossoming in your chest as Buck leant closer, lips brushing against each other as if it was the first time all over again. The smell of your perfume was intoxicating and brought butterflies to his stomach- never did he think he’d have the chance to kiss you again. The moment his lips touched yours again, it felt like everything was right again, like you had spent no time apart and nothing would ever change the way you felt about each other. 

Because in the end, what’s made for you will always find its way back to you. 

----- 

taglist: @ssa-volturi @advicefromnixxxx @dralexreid @keenmarvellover  @beth-winchester21��@averyhotchner @fernandaweasley2 @yikesyikesyikes95 @hotchsdarling @venusrosepetal @luke-alvez @looney-literature @caitsymichelle13

[tripleaxeldiaz]

never fallen from quite this high

read on ao3

There’s a knock at the door, but Eddie doesn’t hear it, focused instead on the pinks and oranges of the sunset coming through the window and trying to stop his mind from reeling like it’s been for the past week.

Because a week ago, when he broke up with Ana, she looked him in the eye and said, “I hope he makes you happy,” and he didn’t have to ask who she was talking about.

He knew. And that scared him more than any war zone or tsunami or lungful of mud ever could.

Another knock, one Eddie registers, but he still doesn’t move. Now he’s replaying the last conversation he had with the person on the other side of the door — when Buck had innocently, nonchalantly asked why he had broken up with “his perfect teacher” and his response, without a minute to let himself think, was “because of you”. The room became a vacuum, completely airless as they stared at each other, Buck slack-jawed and Eddie wide-eyed. He could have done a thousand things — explained himself, laughed it off, denied denied denied, anything.

Instead, he ran away, peeling out of the parking lot to put as much distance between Buck and his dumb ass as possible, drowning in the shame he brought on himself.

He should’ve known Buck would follow him anyway.

A third knock, a little louder and more deliberate, and Eddie’s fingers twitch, itching to let Buck in like his heart has been begging for for days — probably years, actually — only to be beaten into submission by his thoughts and reminders that Buck is good and he is not. That no matter how deep his feelings for Buck may be (which, as it turns out, are deep enough to brand themselves on bone), he refuses to taint him, will not spread whatever bad energy even his parents can see, not after watching Buck rebuild himself brick by beautiful brick until he loved himself half as much as Eddie does.

There’s scraping and jingling as the door is unlocked, and Eddie braces himself for whatever conversation is about to unfold. Buck walks into the room, curls loose from his post-shift shower, expression unreadable in a way that Eddie hasn’t seen in a while, not since he’d memorized every tick and twitch Buck makes. The last remaining rays of sunshine light him up as he comes to a stop in front of Eddie, wrapping him in an ethereal glow, soft and almost angelic, even with his arms crossed and his walls clearly up.

It’s a little unfair, Eddie thinks, that Buck looks this gorgeous, this inviting, when he can’t even appreciate it fully.

They stare at each other, a silent game of chicken while they each wait for the other to crack. Eddie won’t break, he can’t, because if Buck walks out of his life right now because he couldn’t keep his feelings in check, he knows there’s no way he’ll be able to put himself back together. Luckily, Buck moves first, sighing through his nose and sitting down on the coffee table across from Eddie.

“So,” he starts, “because of me, huh?”

The bluntness is enough to kickstart Eddie’s self-preservation instincts. “Let’s just forget it, Buck.”

“No, no way.” Buck scoots forward, pressing his knees to Eddie’s, preventing any kind of escape. “I don’t want to forget it or ignore it or pretend it never happened. But I would like an explanation.” 

The words get stuck in Eddie’s throat, undecided on whether they’re going to come out or retreat back in and hide themselves away again. He looks away and Buck follows, staying in his line of vision, looking smaller and sadder as the silence drags out.

He breaks it, finally, along with Eddie’s heart. “Was it something I did?”

Eddie sighs. “No, it’s not—”

“Because I did like her. She made you happy, so of course I liked her—”

“Buck—”

“And I didn’t mean to keep blowing off hanging out with you guys, it’s just— you and me and her— I was worried about it being weird and I know I shouldn’t have been but—”                                               

“Buck.” Eddie grabs his hands where they’re hanging between his legs, tries not to think about how Buck squeezes back even tighter instead of pulling away. “You didn’t do anything.”

“But you said—”

“I know.” He hadn’t even noticed threading their fingers together, but they’re here now and neither of them are moving, so he just squeezes again and takes a deep breath. “Ana was great, and I liked her a lot, but she didn’t...fit.” Because the hole Eddie thought he needed her to fill was already taken up, he just hadn’t let himself realize it. And he liked Ana — she was nice, pretty, safe, the epitome of the girl he should want, but she didn’t set his skin on fire with a brush of her fingers, didn’t flip his heart with an easy smile, didn’t make him ache for her.

She was perfect, but she wasn’t Buck.

“She didn’t fit, but someone else does?” Buck asks, like he hasn’t figured it out already, like Eddie hadn’t made it so blatantly obvious you could see it from space.

He nods anyway, confirming it. For Buck and for himself. “Yeah. You do. You fit.”

Buck’s eyes widen just a little, his face still unreadable but edging towards something like joy, only to crumble again as he searches Eddie’s face. “But that’s...bad? You don’t want me to fit.”

“No, Buck, I—” I need you to fit so bad I can’t breathe. “I want you to be happy.” More than I want myself to be happy. “I just don’t know if I can make you as happy as you deserve to be.”

Buck’s reaction is instant, without hesitation, like he knew what Eddie was going to say and already had an answer. He disentangles their hands and instead of leaving, like Eddie feared, he brings them up to either side of Eddie’s neck, thumbs resting on his jaw and holds him still so he can’t look anywhere but at Buck. 

He doesn’t want to look anywhere else. It should be scary, but it’s not. It’s liberating.

“I don’t know if you know this,” Buck starts, voice low and just for Eddie, keeping secrets from the shadows that have crept into the room, “but I’m an expert at leaving when the going gets tough. Every relationship I’ve ever been in — even Abby — had me fighting some part of myself that wanted to run away as soon as things got a little hard.” He takes a breath and his eyes blaze brighter, full of conviction and absolutely mesmerizing. “I never had to fight myself for you. You and Chris fit for me too, and I am happy, happier than I ever thought I would be, because of you.” 

Eddie swallows, lost in the determined, deep blue that is so uniquely Buck, and feels his walls start to fall apart.

“I’m not gonna be good at this,” he whispers — confesses — in the stillness of dusk.

“Neither will I. We’ll learn together.”

“What if I stop making you happy?”

“You won’t.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do.”

Eddie opens his mouth to argue again, to keep up the facade of the fortress he built around himself that he knows Buck has broken through, but something stops him. Some part of him that’s long been buried, something he thought he lost in the sands of Afghanistan, emerges from its hiding place and whispers Take it. Take him. He loves you. Let yourself be loved.

And it’s easier, then, to lean in instead of fight against. His hands frame Buck’s face, mirroring each other, and he hardly has to pull before they’re meeting in the middle. Buck’s lips are perfect, softer than he imagined but still firm and getting everything he wants, and he tastes like mint and sunshine and home. Eddie’s already trying to figure out how he can make sure he kisses Buck like this every day for the rest of his life.

Judging by the enthusiastic reciprocation and small, happy sounds he keeps drinking up, Buck’s on the same page.

They only break apart because they have to breathe, but they don’t go far, foreheads resting together, noses brushing. And as happy as he is, Eddie’s still a little scared — scared that this is all temporary, that it won’t work out, that he’ll lose one of the most important people in his life when he inevitably makes the wrong decision or does the wrong thing.

But then he hears it again, the long forgotten voice, saying He loves you. He won’t let you go and he won’t let you forget. 

The last reservations Eddie has break away, and they fall back in, slotting together like puzzle pieces, drenched in moonlight and peace and hope.

[thisissirius]

fight me, siri

ok

a place for us [ao3 link] eddie/buck, mid-episode for rage

Eddie stares at the phone. 

There’s a cop standing just behind his left shoulder, he’s grateful it’s not Athena, looming and reminding Eddie he doesn’t have long. He should call his abuela, in case he can’t get out in time to pick up Chris. He could call call Lena, ask her to bail him out. He can’t call Buck. 

The fucking lawsuit. 

The anger settles low in his stomach, threatening to boil over. What right does Buck have to drag their personal shit into the open? To let Mackey at it like he deserves to tear apart their decisions and use it against them?

Eddie shouldn’t call Buck, it’ll only lead to a fight. 

Picking up the handset, he dials one of the only numbers he knows by heart and touches his forehead to cold stone, hoping his call is answered. 

“Hello?”

Eddie swallows. “It’s me.”

“Eddie?” The sound of a couch rustling, the familiar slow intake of breath. “Where are you?”

It’s a bad idea, but Eddie can’t stop himself blurting out, “i need you to bail me out of jail.”

Silence. 

“I know I shouldn’t call—”

“I’ll be there in ten.”

The dial tone rings in Eddie’s ear. 

When Eddie gets outside of the station, there’s a familiar truck in the parking lot.

Part of him wants to ignore it, to satisfy the rage curling low and angry in his belly and find something else to punch. Part of him wants to wrench open the door of the truck and—

Except. 

Opening the door, Eddie climbs inside and tries not to make eye contact. “Thanks for coming.”

“Sure,” Buck says. He sounds angry, and when Eddie risks a glance, his jaw is tight. He’s furious, which just makes Eddie angry. What right does he have to be mad at Eddie? It’s his fault Eddie even— “Where do you wanna go?”

The anger stagnates and Eddie buckles in, stares back at the station. There’s a reason he’s called Buck, made the choice to reach out. “Chris is at a sleepover.”

Buck nods, fingers tightening on the wheel. 

“Can we,” Eddie starts, fights the urge to snap something angry, fights to keep his tone calm. “Can we go to yours?”

Head snapping right, Buck raises an eyebrow. “Are you serious right now?”

Eddie doesn’t bother answering, lets Buck make up his mind. He fiddles with the phone in his pocket, trying not to check whether Chris has called. He wants Chris to have fun, but there’s always an undercurrent of worry left behind. The truck is tense, silence dragging out into something dangerous. Eddie wants to break it, to snap at Buck for everything he’s doing, for making everything wrong when Eddie’s already struggling to keep his shit in line. 

The truck comes to a stop and Eddie’s startled to see they’re at Buck’s apartment. He doesn’t know what to say. 

“Get your ass out the truck or I’m locking you in,” Buck says, slamming the door. 

Eddie bites back his own retort—Buck’s bailed him out and he doesn’t know how he’s gonna pay Buck back for it—and clambers out of the truck. Buck’s at the door to his apartment block, holding the door open, his back to Eddie. It’s a dismissal that has Eddie bristling, and he storms after Buck into the building. 

“Why’d you bring me here?” Eddie asks, when he shuts the door behind them. Buck’s angrily wrenching beers from the fridge and Eddie feels ungrounded, like he’s the only one with a right to be angry and can’t understand why Buck’s—

“You asked me to bring you here.” Buck slams a bottle on the counter. “Just like you asked me to bail you out of jail, Eddie, what the fuck!”

The anger is back, bubbling up, and Eddie snaps, “You don’t get to judge me.”

“My money’s the reason you’re standing here right now.” It’s a warning tone that Eddie barrels right over. 

“If I knew you’d hold it against me, I’d have called somebody else.”

“Who?”

Eddie snaps his mouth shut. 

“This is gonna fuck up my case,” Buck says, holding up a hand when Eddie starts to retort. “Shut up, Eddie. This is gonna fuck up my case and I came anyway.”

Eddie snorts. “So what, I should be thankful? You shouldn’t even have been suing us—“

“I want my job back,” Buck says. It’s quiet, exhausted, and it stifles some of the anger. Eddie looks at him, really looks; Buck’s deflated, tired, drawn. How is it that just a few weeks ago, Buck and Chris were in a tsunami and now they’re here, everything breaking and running away from Eddie faster than he can make it stop? “I just want to come back and Bobby won’t let me.”

“Buck,” Eddie says. 

Buck clenches his hands into fists, rests them on the counter. “What excuse do you have?”

“It’s not an excuse,” Eddie snaps, and then shakes it off, turns around and stalks towards the couch. He needs to stop, to get control of himself. Fuck. He punched someone. 

“Eddie,” Buck says, and there’s something about his tone that forces Eddie to look. “You were booked for assault.”

Eddie sits on the couch, rubs at his face. “He was being a dick about Chris.” 

The story tumbles from him, because he needs someone to hear, to understand. 

There’s a ripple of fury on Buck’s face. “What the fuck is wrong with him?”

“I punched him,” Eddie says with a shrug. Then, thinks about it. “Fuck, I punched him.”

Buck sits on the coffee table, to the left of Eddie. His hands between his legs, toying with a frayed thread on his sweatpants. “What’s going on with you?”

Eddie doesn’t answer. How does he even begin trying to put shit into words? “Nothing.”

“Eddie.” Buck looks up, his eyes wide, and fuck, Eddie hates how unmoored he feels around Buck sometimes. “I never wanted this.”

“Yeah,” Eddie scoffs, leaning back against the couch. “Well now you have it.”

Silence stretches between them again and Eddie fidgets, pulls his phone from his pocket. The anger coasts and he knows if he tugs at it, he could use it to hurt Buck, to tear him apart like Eddie wants to. 

Except. 

Eddie doesn’t want to. He’s tired, too. He just wants things to make sense, to be right. “He misses you.”

Buck winces, drops his head. “I didn’t mean for things between us to go wrong.”

“What did you think would happen?”

Shrugging, Buck’s jaw tightens again and he stares off towards the kitchen. “Bobby’s the reason I can’t come back.”

Eddie frowns. “What?”

“You said chain of command,” Buck says, sounding hoarse, and he looks back. “Bobby told me I couldn’t come back. That the department said it was okay, but he didn’t think I was ready.”

Something stirs in the back of Eddie’s head. “Why?”

Buck shrugs again. 

“Hey,” Eddie says, feeling some of the anger bleed into frustration on Buck’s behalf. “Did he say why?”

“I don’t know,” Buck says, and Eddie hears everything he’s not been saying. The confusion, the hurt, and he’s angry at himself all over again. He’s been so busy and wrapped up in his own shit, with Chris, that he’s never thought to think about Buck. Buck, who’s lost his job, his family, and his confidence. 

Sliding forward, Eddie reaches out, expecting a flinch, and when he doesn’t get one, feels relieved for reasons he can’t explain. “I’m sorry.”

Letting out a shaky breath, Buck stares at him. 

“I’m sorry,” Eddie says, sounding wrecked. “I was so concerned with being mad, I didn’t even think.”

“It’s okay.”

“No,” Eddie says, squeezing Buck’s knee. “It’s not. You gotta stop letting us off the hook when we hurt you, man.”

Buck's look is wry. “I’ll let you off the hook for that if you tell me what the fuck you were doing punching someone.”

It’s so easy to feel the low burn of anger, of failure. Eddie’s been riding it this whole time, trying to exist in a world threatening to drown him. 

“Eddie,” Buck says, reaching out and touching Eddie’s hand. He’s hesitant, apprehensive, so Eddie turns his hand palm up, lets Buck tangle their fingers together. 

Staring at their linked fingers, Eddie swallows hard. “Shannon wanted a divorce.”

The words fall between them. 

“Shit,” Buck mutters, squeezing Eddie’s hand. “I’m sorry.”

��I’m so angry all the time,” Eddie says. He hates being this vulnerable, this weak, but it’s a lot and he can’t stop the words tumbling out now he’s started. Buck’s holding him tight, fingers squeezing hard enough Eddie imagines his fingers breaking. Imagines himself crumbling beneath Buck’s touch and he gasps out the rest, eyes wet. “I let her back in, let her see Chris and I knew, I knew it wouldn’t be enough, you know? It wasn’t enough, it wasn’t, she died, Buck, but she was gonna divorce me.”

Buck’s silent.

“I wasn’t enough,” Eddie says eventually. “I just wanted to be enough. So that Chris could be happy.”

A hand touches his face, fingers gentle, and he looks up, meets Buck’s eyes. “Chris is mourning his mom,” he says quietly. “He’s suffered a tsunami, he’s mourning his mom, but he’s happy, Eddie. Or at least he will be.”

“How do you know?” Eddie whispers, afraid that if he talks any louder, the words will prove he’s as weak as he feels. 

“Because of you,” Buck says. His voice is certain, hard in a way that forces Eddie to pay attention. “You’re a good dad, Eddie. Sure, you’ve just been arrested,” Eddie huffs a reluctant laugh, revels in the smile on Buck’s face, “but you’re a good dad.”

“Yeah,” Eddie says, shaking his head. 

“Hey.” Buck squeezes his hand, the fingers against Eddie’s face sliding around to his neck, thumb to Eddie’s jaw. “You’re the best thing in that kid’s life.” A pause. “In mine.”

Eddie freezes. 

“After Chris,” Buck says quickly, cheeks pink. “You’re my best friend, Eddie. Whatever that means.”

“A lot,” Eddie says, truthfully. “I haven’t had a best friend before,” he continues. “Not sure if I know how to be. Sometimes I think I do, then others—”

“Yeah.” Buck sounds like he understands. 

Sometimes Eddie wants to kiss Buck. To drag him in, hold him close and never let him go. The words won’t leave Eddie’s mouth, stuck somewhere down his throat, threatening to choke him. 

Buck shifts again, until he’s sitting opposite Eddie. He takes a breath, touches their foreheads together. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” Eddie admits. 

Buck’s eyes are really fucking blue. He’s beautiful in ways Eddie’s never let himself see. 

“Shannon died,” Eddie says eventually. “I don’t think I’m over it.”

“I know.”

“I want to be.” 

Buck stares at him, expectation heavy between them. 

“I want to kiss you.” The words are quiet. Eddie takes a breath, meets Buck’s eyes. “Sometime. When we’re both ready.”

“Okay,” Buck says. 

Eddie raises an eyebrow. “Okay?”

“Yeah.” Buck’s face breaks into a smile. It’s small, tentative, but bright. Eddie wants to drag more out of him, ones that light up his whole face. 

There’s another pause and Eddie breaks first, tugs him in. Wrapping his arms around Buck, Eddie lets out a soft sigh. “Thanks, Buck.”

Buck’s arms come up to Eddie’s back, his nose against Eddie’s neck. “For what?”

Eddie huffs. “Bailing me out? Talking some sense into me.”

“What are best friends for?”

Pulling back, Eddie touches Buck’s face, thumb against Buck’s bottom lip. “Hopefully more than that.”

Buck’s smile is wide, a familiar look on his face. “Eventually. If you earn it.”

Eddie’s startled into a laugh and he drops his chin to his chest, grinning. 

“Hey,” Buck says, squeezing Eddie’s arm. Eddie lifts his head and raises his eyebrows. “Either way, I love you.”

“Yeah,” Eddie says. Then, with certainty, says, “I love you too.”

[matan4il]

Ive read all ur buddie meta and they are soo on point. I cant thnk u enough.

Anyway, there is something i noticed when watching gifs of Eddie giving advice, or compliments etc in this season is that, Eddie is a man of action (we all know that) yet, with Buck, he gives advice, gives compliments, basically he TALKS to Buck. On the other hand, Buck who is a talker, who doesnt mind speaking his mind and his feelings (tho he hides stuff alot anyway), he gives his support and help by doing stuff for Eddie. I know this is has been mentioned before (idk if it was ur meta or somebody else's)

I cant help but notice that the writers really hone in on that with all the Eddie's talks with Buck and Buck getting Eddie an expensive coffeemaker he wanted as a prank in disguise.

I dont if any of this makes sense but yeah

OMG! ;_; Thank you so much, you have no idea how happy it makes me that my insane ramblings actually bring people joy! *HUGS*

Oh it definitely does make sense. I think in the past, the one bit of meta I wrote that sort of touches upon this is the one about what Eddie has done for Buck.

I believe a key note in what you bring up is the question, when does Eddie turn to words with Buck? For the most part, he does try actions first. If you think of 301, for example, he tries getting Buck out of his funk by doing. By pulling him out of bed, bringing Chris over (reminding Buck he’s not alone and he still has them, that he has meaning in relation to them even when he isn’t a firefighter) and giving Buck a task (a sense of purpose). And it actually works! Buck’s out of bed and he’s having a good time with Chris. Is everything resolved? No. But his time and talk on the pier with Chris in 301 at least suggest that he can start picking up the pieces and move on.

That is, right up until the tsunami hits, when Buck ends up feeling like he’s failed both Eddie and his son. Well, at the end of ep 303, Eddie comes over with basically a rehash of the same idea on how to help Buck (still through action), only this time, Buck speaks up and makes it clear that he can’t, that he feels like he’s failed them, so how can Eddie even consider doing this? And that is when Eddie turns to words.

And I think that’s beautiful, because it is a testament that it’s not easy or the natural course of action for Eddie to use words in order to help Buck. But he does it anyway, when he recognizes actions are simply not enough. He transcends his own comfort zone. That’s not something you do for just anyone and I believe we only really see him do it for Buck and Chris. *heart eyes*

As for Buck, I feel like he’s more of a mixed bag. He’s way more comfortable with using words than Eddie, that’s true, but he also at times has no issue resorting to actions. Think of him doing his best to help Red through two different courses of action (first, to help him find his ex fiancee, and later to bring all his old teammates to him).

So what’s striking to me about Buck isn’t that he resorts to action to help Eddie, it’s the speed, comfort and intensity with which he immerses himself in taking actions to help Eddie (and Chris), stepping into their little bubble with them. With Abby, if you remember, he hesitated about it. A lot. Enough to think about breaking up with her. And when he did finally step up? It was because Bobby told him to. He ended up doing it for Abby, yes, but also for Bobby and for himself, to grow and become the kind of person Bobby deemed ‘worthy’. But with Eddie? He didn’t need to be told and he wasn’t doing it for anyone but Eddie. You can see it even before he’s met Chris once: throughout ep 202 Buck is already preoccupied with how to make Eddie feel better about his son’s well-being during the earthquake. Later on, he’s only going to be thinking even more about these two and how to help them. With Abby, he made a conscious decision to evolve. With Eddie, he was simply so drawn in, he never considered another option.

This right here. This is why these two slay me. Thank you again for this great ask and please always feel free to send me your thoughts! xoxoxox

[fruitydiaz-archived]

that’s my boy

eddie slips up after a successful rescue on a call and, while looking at buck looking beautiful and overjoyed, says “that’s my boy” to himself. except chim, hen, and bobby are all there when he says it.

buddie, pre-relationship, sweet fluff, pining

2,184 words

AO3 link

—

That’s my boy.

Eddie doesn’t mean to say it. It’s not like it’s even a phrase that he thinks often — not in regards to Buck.

Okay, so maybe, every once in a while Eddie will look at him doing something that is so whole-heartedly Buck — like performing a rope rescue when an apartment complex is on fire, or risking his life to save his ex-girlfriend’s fiance because he made a promise, because he’s always ready and willing to fall on the sword for the people he loves, even after they’ve hurt him, (Eddie wishes he wouldn’t do that so often, actually, but he understands), or organizing a Christmas party with Athena and inviting his whole family because he knew how upset they were that he wouldn’t be spending Christmas with them, or building gingerbread houses with Chris and Denny — and being happy to do it nonetheless. Just occasional things like that that make Eddie pause and make pride swell up inside him and remind him just how much he loves this man — despite all of the stress and anguish he causes him on a regular basis.

Which, is also, not something he thinks about often. The love thing, that is. The stress and anguish — that’s constant.

But when they’re on a call and Buck is ripping his helmet off, wiping the sweat from his forehead, skipping after the ambulance as it pulls away, overjoyed that his on-his-feet thinking and bull-headed determination saved yet another life, Eddie can’t help it when he smiles fondly, shakes his head, and chuckles to himself.

“That’s my boy.”

He doesn’t really process what he’s said until he looks back up and sees Hen, Chimney, and Bobby all staring at him. Chimney’s stopped chewing on his gum, mouth hanging a little open, Hen’s frozen with one perfectly manicured eyebrow raised, and Bobby’s looking at him with that look he gets when another imaginary piece of some metaphorical puzzle that only he is privy to falls into place. He tends to look at Eddie like that often, especially around Buck.

Eddie just stares back at them, tilting his head to the side a little, and pursing his lips.

“Your boy?” Hen prompts eventually, an amused grin slowly spreading on her face. Eddie feels his cheeks warm but shakes his head in confusion.

“What? I didn’t say—” Chimney starts shaking his head violently, cutting Eddie off.

“Nope, nope, you definitely did say those words.”

Eddie opens his mouth to argue that no he didn’t otherwise he would remember and also he’s never once said those words about Buck out loud so, of course, he wouldn’t — but Bobby holds his hand up, silencing all of them. Eddie tries hard to convince himself that the smirk on Bobby’s face isn’t also amused, because he likes to think that Bobby’s above all that. He’s their Captain, after all.

“Alright, you guys. Let’s wrap this up, okay?” Bobby says gently, gesturing to the scene in front of them. Eddie nods, avoiding making eye contact with either Hen or Chimney.

He does sneak a glance at Buck, eventually. He can’t really help himself. Buck’s like a magnet for him. He’s pretty sure he’d be able to spot Buck instantly, in any crowd, on any day. It’s partially this itch he has, this need to know where the people he cares about are, at all times, just to know that they’re safe. But also, there’s just a natural gravity that Buck has. Eddie always finds himself being pulled closer and closer.

It’s golden hour and Buck’s leaning against a post on the side of the street, talking to Athena and Bobby, making exaggerated gestures with his hands as he relays what just happened to them, even though they were right there with him. His hair looks soft and tousled, like it always does when he pulls his helmet off at the end of a call. The sunlight is hitting it just so, illuminating the edges of it and making it glow golden, like a halo around Buck’s head. Warmth blooms in Eddie’s chest at the sight.

That’s my boy.

When he turns back to the scene Hen and Chimney are smirking at him again. He rolls his eyes, finishes packing up, and spins to jog back to the truck.

Eddie likes to make his home in denial. It’s an island that keeps him safe, keeps him away from all of the things that could hurt him — like the reality of his feelings.

He’s known for a while that he feels something for Buck — he’s just not always sure what that feeling is. The thing about his feelings for Buck is that...not only are they absolutely terrifying to him — but they’re also confusing. He doesn’t fully understand his feelings because he’s not sure they're anything he’s ever felt before, not all at once, at least. He wasn’t expecting this — not from Buck.

Eddie doesn’t let a lot of people get close to him. It’s just a thing that he developed in his childhood that got stronger over time, the more he experienced loving and losing people. You don’t let people close, you don’t get hurt when they leave. That’s a simple fact.

But Buck hadn’t listened to that. Buck didn’t care that Eddie was scared of letting him in only for him to leave — because for Buck leaving wasn’t even an option. He had fucked up once and he spent every single moment since doing his damned best to make sure Eddie knew that he was ride or die, with him ‘till the end of the line. And he meant it, Eddie knew that.

So it could be easy for Eddie to look at Buck and be grateful that he has a friend like that, a support system that, no matter how hard either one of them tried, they couldn’t fuck up. But Eddie’s never felt the way he feels about Buck for anyone, ever. He had close friends in his childhood, and they always said they would be together forever, but none of them were around anymore. What did they have to base their loyalty off of, anyway? It was never serious when they said it, it was kid stuff.

And in his adulthood, most of his friends were from the army. They shared a lot of experiences that nobody else would understand, and came a lot closer than your average friendship, given the circumstances, but none of them made Eddie feel the way he does about Buck.

Certainly, no one looked at Christopher the way Buck did, save for his own family, and that was enough to throw Eddie’s entire body into some strange whirlpool of emotions he rarely let himself get swept up in.

Chris was Eddie’s entire world. He wanted to protect him from every hurt imaginable, even when he knew he couldn’t. Sometimes that protectiveness led to him making mistakes — but he was a parent and that was bound to happen, and he had to learn how to adjust, how to step back, and let Christopher find out things on his own. He had to let him get hurt, sometimes, and then encourage him to get back up.

But the hurt Eddie wanted to protect him from most of all was the hurt of abandonment. He never wanted to let another person into his life again, not without knowing that they would stay.

And Buck? Buck would do anything for Christopher. He never even had to say it because Eddie just knew. He said it in all of his actions, the way he walked all day after the tsunami, bleeding from his arm, collapsing in exhaustion only after he saw that Chris was safe. The way he encouraged him to never give up, to find a way to do whatever he wants. He loves Chris, and that makes Eddie love him even more.

He’s loved people before. Even if he’s not one to say it often, not in those words at least, he recognizes it when he feels it. He loves his family, his parents, his sisters, his aunt, his Abuela — even when they’re overstepping his carefully set boundaries. He loved the guys in his unit. He loved Shannon, he loves Christopher. He loves everyone at the 118, the family he chose.

But Buck is something different. Buck is something he’s never felt before.

When he realized he loved Shannon, it was like a hurricane that came out of nowhere, rushing over him, drenching him in its rains, pulling him in every direction, and leaving him entirely breathless. She was a perfect storm of love and chaos. One that he doesn’t regret, but one that he’s pretty sure he doesn’t want to experience again. He’s not sure he could survive that kind of devastation again.

But Buck wasn’t anything like that, even though Eddie’s pretty sure that he should be, with all of his fierce love and reckless abandon. Eddie realized he loved Buck like watching a sunrise, slowly, gradually, growing warmer and brighter over time. He was a sight that made your chest ache from its beauty, one of those things that made you feel lucky to be alive, one of those things that made you feel like you were blessed to witness it.

He left Eddie feeling stunned and off-balance, but warm, and comforted at the same time. The thing about sunrises was that you could always count on them to come back around the next day. No matter what storms the night before brought, the sun was always there in the morning.

Buck made Eddie feel safe.

That’s my boy.

He’s packing up his gear in the truck when he spots Buck out of the corner of his eye, jogging towards him. He pretends to ignore him, ducking his head and smiling to himself as he shuts the door on the truck.

“Hey man, did you see that?” Buck says as he approaches Eddie. His voice is light and airy, like he’s a little out of breath from the jog over, which would make sense since he’s still got at least 70 pounds of gear on him. But he doesn’t look bothered by it at all. He just clasps his hands together and smiles at Eddie with that giant, overly pleased, and just on the verge of shy smile — the one he always shares with Eddie.

Eddie leans against the truck casually, crossing his arms and nodding at Buck, smiling.

“Yeah, I saw it. You did good, kid.” His heart constricts at the way Buck lights up at the praise. It’s times like these where he wants nothing more than to reach out and touch him, card a hand through his hair and then bring him in gently, tucking Buck’s face into his neck and holding him close, whispering all the words of encouragement he never got to hear when he was younger.

But he settles for this, standing at arm's length and keeping his praise to a minimum.

“We did good,” Buck corrects, punching Eddie’s shoulder lightly. “We make a good team.”

The team, Eddie knows, consists of Bobby, Chimney, Hen, Buck, and him. But when Buck looks at him like that, when he says things like that, it makes him feel like it's about just the two of them.

Buck’s matching his position, leaning against the truck now, looking down at Eddie with his flushed face and his sweet smile. It’s like they’re the only two people in the world. It’s an intoxicating feeling, so addictive that Eddie often wishes that he could just let himself get lost in it, soak up all of the love and attention that just radiates off of Buck, stretch out in the sunlight and just let it warm him all over, be utterly and unashamedly selfish with it. To relish in that love that he’s not always sure he deserves.

He opens his mouth, not sure what exactly he’s going to say next, when Hen appears behind him, patting him on the shoulder.

“Hey, Eddie, you and your boy ready to head back home or are you just gonna stand there looking pretty all night?” She shoots him a sly grin over her shoulder as she passes by them to climb into the truck. Eddie freezes a little at the teasing, not sure what he’ll say if Buck turns to him, tilts his head, and asks what did she mean by your boy?

But he doesn’t tilt his head in question at all. His eyes lock with Eddie’s for just a second and the corners of his lips twitch like he’s fighting a smile. Eddie feels his breath get trapped somewhere in his chest and then Buck turns away and disappears into the truck.

He hangs back for a bit, struggling to catch his breath again, nodding at Chimney and Bobby as they brush past him. Bobby pauses before he rounds the truck, looking back at Eddie with an amused smile.

“You good, Diaz?” He calls. Eddie looks away before nodding, waving a hand, and pulling the door open.

“All good, Cap.”

[buckleyydiaz]

romancing

Summary: Eddie wanted nothing more than to go back in time and stop himself from promising to cook - now his attempt at romancing was going straight into the trash, alongside the charred food in front of him.

Ship: Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz

Eddie had never been destined to be a chef, that was for certain. As Christopher would attest, he was capable of burning just about anything - to the point it was a shock that he was yet to actually set anything aflame.

Whenever he and Chris would spend evenings with Buck, which was more often than not, at this point, they would rely on Buck’s cooking abilities, or take-out. It wasn’t even worth trying to get Eddie to cook something.

So how he had ended up in this situation, Eddie was not quite sure. Chris was with Abuela for the night, and he had finally worked up the nerve to ask Buck to come around for a romantic dinner - which he had agreed to cook for.

He was hardly the most romantic - he and Sharon had never been all that into the whole candle-lit dinner idea of a perfect evening, even before their relationship had begun to crumble. Romance for Eddie was more about spending time together, regardless of what they were doing.

But if their date was spent eating take-out, sitting on the couch and watching a film, it would essentially be no different to how they had spent time together when they were just friends, and aware that he was hardly the best at emotions, Eddie wanted to ensure that Buck was certain about what was going on. That it was a date.

Eddie hoped that Buck would appreciate the effort he was putting into it - the whole flowers, candles, fancy meal thing felt thoroughly unlike himself, but it did feel like something that Buck might appreciate.

What Buck would not appreciate, however, was the dish that he had cooked, lying, looking thoroughly unappetizing on the bench in front of him. Whilst the salad looked fine - there was little Eddie could do to fuck that part up - the charred meal he had just pulled out of the oven looked remarkably less so.

He cursed his complete lack of ability to cook even something so basic, and turned to frantically search through the cupboards and freezer for something other than two-minute noodle cups and Christopher’s dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets. Neither of those particularly seemed fitting or appropriate for the atmosphere.

His hair was a mess, and he needed to change, in just the short amount of time he had until Buck would arrive, so Eddie went to resolve those issues, still considering what he could do, so they would at least have some food to eat. He took a moment to look in the mirror, to breathe in, and breathe out. This was it. Nothing would be the same from here onwards.

Buck was, of course, slightly early - the knocking on the door meant he was out of time. Oh shit, this hasn’t even begun, and it’s already a disaster. Although he was more than slightly panicked, Eddie hoped he hid his stress well enough as he opened the door.

In the soft light of the entry to Eddie’s house, Buck looked beautiful as ever, smiling softly. It was a strange sight - any other night and Buck would have let himself in by now, would have been sitting on the couch, deep in conversation with Chris. It was just another reminder of how different this was to any other night of their friendship. A reminder of the way that everything was changing - for the better, hopefully.

The pair exchanged greetings that felt awkward and unfamiliar, neither of theme quite sure what to say in this complete divergence from life as normal.

Realising that he had Buck’s eyes on him, waiting patiently, Eddie led him inside to the table which he had set up nicely, pausing as Buck took a seat, thinking rapidly about what his next step could be.

“So, what are we having to eat?” Buck asked, and there it was. The dreaded conundrum. Eddie could feel his face heating up, and his ears going red as he tried to think of how he could explain what had happened, without seeming like a terrible date. “I’m surprised you volunteered to cook, y’know. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you make a meal in the entirety of our friendship, to be honest.”

Buck’s slightly awkward laugh gave away what the intent of the question was - it was to fill the awkward silence that seemed to have engulfed the room, that was overwhelming them both, something the two of them had never had, not since they had first become friends. Things weren’t awkward between them - or they weren’t supposed to be, anyways.

“Ah, yeah, about that…” Eddie began, and it didn’t take long for Buck to piece together what had happened, without even having to be told. He burst out laughing, and for a moment, Eddie wanted nothing more than to leave the room, escape the embarrassment; clearly this whole dating thing was just going to fall to pieces - Eddie couldn’t even get their first date right, after all.

“I thought I smelt something burnt!” Buck managed to say, through his laughing, and for a moment Eddie was distracted from his humiliation, once again distracted by how gorgeous Buck looked, much like he had been when he had seen Buck waiting outside his door.

After a moment, Buck had moved on a little bit from Eddie burning their meal, and he recognised the look on Eddie’s face, and quickly became apologetic.

“Aw, Eds, I didn’t mean to laugh at you, man,” he said, and Eddie was clueless about how to respond, and stood awkwardly, trying to find words to say, to assure Buck that he hadn’t done anything. “How about we order some pizza?”

It was far from what Eddie had wanted to do with the night, but he put his issues with that away - he had his chance to do what he had planned and wanted, and it hadn’t worked, and Buck didn’t seem bothered at the prospect of something so… normal. In fact, he seemed relieved.

“Yeah that sounds good, I’ll go and do that now. Your normal, right?”

Buck nodded and grinned, walking over to the couch, where they would usually sit, abandoning the table Eddie had set up, and making himself at home. That moment felt far more natural than any other had yet.

After getting off of the phone with the pizza place, Eddie made his way over to where Buck was sitting, scrolling absentmindedly through Netflix.

As Eddie got comfortable, Buck moved so he was leaning into his side, his head resting on Eddie’s shoulder, making them both smile.

Telling Buck to hurry up and pick a movie, Eddie began to think that maybe this wasn’t so bad - it was a reason it was normal for them, it worked for them, for who they were with each other. And as the god-awful action movie that Buck had chosen played, he focused on the weight on his shoulder, how it felt like home to have Buck there with him, by his side.

“Thank you, Evan,” Eddie muttered, barely loud enough for Buck to hear him.

“All good, really. I care about you, even if you are a dumbass who can’t cook.”

That earnt Buck an elbow to the ribs.

[omegatheunknown]

AEW ALL OUT 2021

In which, not to get ahead of myself here, AEW puts on one of the best major wrestling shows in several years*, following the simple yet effective principle of giving the people what they want and sending everyone home happy and hungry for more.

- The incredibly 'Nitro' ending of the go-home Dynamite, which ran a little long on the 'heels beat everyone up and strut around like assholes almost too in desperate need of comeuppance' bit, short of garbage raining into the ring, did actually increase the heat for both promoted matches. Again, not rocket science, but executed perfectly. Catharsis was on the card, and catharsis went over several times Sunday. - Again, it's time to move on from the Casino theme, shuffling the deck and drawing suits really only detracted from the Battle Royale and seemingly always throws the production crew a curve. If they haven't hammered it by now, it's not going to happen. - Bit unhappy about the PAC/Andrade situation, but still over the moon with Andrade's promo style and Chavito being unhelpful at best.

*Pre-Card

Best Friends and Jurassic Express v The Hardy Family Office and The Hybrid 2 (**) - Not usually much to say about a loaded-up multiteam boondoggle, particularly when the show has yet to begin, but there were some moments worth sitting up to take notice -- there's a lot of talent in the ring, even if Jack Evans/Angelico aren't going to be more than mid-level mooks, little matchups with guys like Luchasaurus and Chuck Taylor are opportunities for innovative/weird spots. - Really this match exists to show-off Jungle Boy, play his theme song twice, and work him in to the aforementioned spots. I don't rightly know what Jungle Jack's ceiling is, but it sort of feels like he's plateauing, at least this version of himself. - Dan Lambert thing is interesting in that it doesn't seem to easily lead to something obvious... I mean who are Scorp and Ethan Page feuding with by proxy here, the concept of contemporary professional wrestling? Orange Cassidy and Kenny Omega?

*Main Card

Miro (C) v Eddie Kingston for the TNT Championship (***1/2) - 'Redeem Deez Nuts' T-shirts now available -- and made immediately redundant now that Miro has graciously redeemed Eddie's nuts. - Imagine looking at Miro, listening to Miro talk, and not really being able to figure out this guy is money. Also imagine panicking when he took a little while to find his groove in AEW. 'The Redeemer' is both entertaining and terrifying, and this match delivered heavily on the promise of two big fellas smacking together repeatedly. - Not only does Eddie's arsenal of power moves target Miro's neck, he may also be quite difficult to put in the full reclined camel clutch. Or he'd quite literally snap in half. It didn't come to that. - Weird heel turn by Bryce's attention span and the overall weirdness of the finish is all that kept this from being an excellent match, otherwise this was a tremendous curtain jerker and started off a dangerously fun run of pure adrenaline.

Jon Moxley v Satoshi Kojima (****) - The stakes were nebulous, the build was abrupt, yet this was a fantastic match and tremendous showcase for an underappreciated great who has been more or less just toiling for a bunch of years as a NJPW Dad. Same deal for Nagata, and I assume Tenzan is the same, Taka Michinoku even -- let's see it. - I have to assume the Cozy Lariat might have put Mox down, but Kojima otherwise played the hits (Koji Cutter, Piledriver, Brainbustaaaa) in a big way and Moxley once again proved he's become a very well-rounded wrestler who can match the intensity of just about any former IWGP champion. - More to the point-- KAZE NI NARE -- out of nowhere, too. Or out of nowhere to those not paying attention to the whereabouts of Minoru Suzuki (Right, he's just over here to fight Daniel Garcia and not Mox?), which I guess is to my own peril. Wow, though. Surprise Number 1- a complete surprise, and a welcome one. Let's have it.

Dr Britt Baker, DMD (C) v Kris Statlander for the AEW Women's Championship (****) - I love Kris and her best friends but she didn't have a prayer of dethroning Britt. She got one promo, several weeks ago, and though she did make a meal of Hayter and Rebel, the chase has been abrupt and not given much discussion, other than Mark Henry and whomever else acknowledging what is extremely evident -- Statlander is stronger than she looks, and she looks really strong. They've got her doing Cesaro-level 'modify your grip while holding your opponent's entire weight' nonsense, and it's amazing and scary. - Even with the reign of the good doctor not being credibly threatened, this was an excellent match that demonstrated the continued growth of the competitors in the women's division, even as it underlined that their storylines remain undercooked and perfunctory: Orange Cassidy whipping off his shades to urge Stat to get up was a beautiful moment. Britt's Panama Sunrise, also, too sweet. Statlander eating shit on her 451 and her pendulum moonsault was properly brutal, as were Britt's curb stomps. Really great match between these two. - Again, if they had bothered to write anything into this story, such as Kris' alien physiology making her immune to the lockjaw or something... actually, maybe that's a terrible idea. it's an idea. Undefeated challenger is defeated, on to the next for Dr Britt. Statlander and OC should tag against some of the boys.

The Young Bucks (C) v The Lucha Bros for the AEW World Tag Team Championship(*****+) - Can't not mention the insane entrance lined up for Fenix and Penta. It was bewildering, it was enchanting, it was aggressive, it was hype. It also reminded everybody how very badly we all wanted the Lucha Bros to win. The crowd has been setting new peaks with their volume since Punk showed up, but things were absolutely thunderous and ecstatic at the end of this match. Absolutely valid response. I yelled on the couch. - Nick's facial hair was a bigger tell that it was time for the Bucks to lose than anything else about this build. There's literally nowhere to go from there -- they've done the hair, the bandanas, the kicks, the animal print, the dangly earrings -- peak visual heel for this time and place. - Sincerely thought this was going to be too much of a full sprint spot-fest (the PWG-esque circle of trading blows is not really 'my thing') but even so they kept finding gears, and ramping and ramping and adding blood and brutality along the way. Even a bit of levity, with the tacked up sneaker, followed by the sincerity of Penta throwing himself in harm's way to protect his brother. Immense match, I think you'd have to go back to the Bucks vs the Addiction and MCMGs Ladder War to find a more thrilling tag team gimmick match. - If there's a single flaw to be found it's in the production not really settling on wide angles for simultaneous action at the start of the match. They figured it out. - Rey Fenix is the best luchador in the world.

Women's Casino Battle Royale (**1/2) - If nothing else, this really shows off that they now have a surplus of women's wrestlers who deserve time to hang in the ring. Unsurprisingly, the match picked right up when Thunder Rosa and then Jamie Hayter got to the ring, with additional props to Tay Conti and Jade Cargill, who was dumped rather unceremoniously given her general booking... - Okay, there was something else. Welcome to the rechristened Ruby Soho, who I've not seen a lot of outside of her extremely limited showcase in WWE, but she has so many friends in the back and in the industry and that's never for nothing, not in wrestling, anyway. Intrigued to see where she fits, and if the women ever get more than a match per show. - Touched on this in the preamble but this was the roughest part of the night for the home viewer, just weird decisions on cutting away from various entrances to show... nothing in particular happening. Also while the commitment to not-kayfabing the countdown clock is... admirable? It makes the pacing hinky. - Almost everyone who got new gear for tonight was looking like the white ranger -- Nyla, Swole, Bunny, someone I'm missing. Except Anna Jay, whose stars and glitter gear looked great.

MJF v Chris Jericho for the fate of Jericho's in-ring career (***) - MJF's unauthorized homage to Y2J's entrance: good. Fozzy's guitarist going off tempo with the instrumental Judas: weak, and would've been sad if this were the end for Jericho. Especially as the build has felt... muted, somehow. - Props to the commentary for continuing to feed the red herring of 'in AEW,' as a caveat to stipulation, it did feel like... a remote possibility that MJF would win. - Credit to Aubrey for calling this one down the middle and not putting the fix in for her friend Jericho, and I guess the Dusty finish will give MJF plenty to gripe about. - MJF wrestles with a pure heel style, holds, chops, blocks, and Jericho is fifty years old, so the level of wrestling on exhibition in these matches is well beside the point. It was solid to good, and I was fighting burn out from the first half of the card's level of excitement.

CM Punk v Darby Allin (***1/2) - There are a couple benefits of Darby as a dance partner, and it's certainly better than having to watch Punk return against like, QT Marshall or Shawn Spears. Darby does make everyone look slow, but he can also be tossed around, and this raises his profile even in defeat, obviously. That said, the stakes here are... meta, at best, in that we want to see the man look good and justify the hype. It's a weird thing to root for. He certainly does look good. (Tights? Tights!) - It's fun to theorize about actually booking an angle where Punk is rusty and needs to regain his prowess, and maybe he'll stumble, but maybe the most we get out of that angle is hitting the GTS a little close to the ropes so Darby falls right out of the ring, in what was, for me, the spot that justified this whole match. - Sting's proud step-dad aura is still a hell of a thing, I really liked the end of the match kudos all around. - Match was good, hard to hang my emotions on. I wasn't watching WWE when Punk was in WWE. Definitely feeding off the excitement of others a bit here, and he sure can talk. I'd like to see him cultivate a stable, certainly.

Paul Wight v QT Marshall (n/r) - ...popcorn match? QT Marshall is like the anti-Daniel Garcia in that while his prominence and presence is just as inexplicable, I don't want it to continue, and he doesn't justify it in the process. - Match was two minutes longer than it needed to be.

Kenny Omega (c) v Christian Cage for the AEW World Championship (****1/2) - Crowd was both burnt out and more or less waiting for the post-match angle. Which I get. it's hard to cruise to the main event and having seen all the different things we've already seen on this card, even a singular performer like Kenny Omega and a legend with whom he (surprisingly? fittingly?) has superb chemistry with in Christian Cage were up against it to deliver something memorable. - Context dependent, I can definitely see rating this below their Rampage match, especially since... I mean Christian isn't winning the AEW title off Kenny at this or probably any other event. - But! It was really good! It was very good! They really do match-up well, and Kenny's v-trigger has rarely looked more devastating than when it knocks Christian flat. Christian got cut open in a novel and initially worrying way, and Kenny followed up a botched moonsault with a harder version of the same move off a rail, but it was a really great match and it deserved more energy than was available.

Post-Show - Calling back and inverting the end of Dynamite, The Elite strut about the ring, slightly less stoked than they were on Wednesday, but with the Bucks smiling through the pain, and Jungle Boy once again subjected to violence for his misguided heroism, Kenny 'not much a promo' Omega lays down a killer line about nobody being fit to challenge him who isn't unavailable, already tired or dead. - The Undertaker ADAM COLE, BAY BAY as Surprise #3 was a minor stroke of brilliance, and a fun swerve because while it's exciting to see him, his appearance at this point in the narrative does nothing to solve the problem of The Elite beating up Christian and Jungle Boy. Unless he's still sore about his unsolved murder, which he isn't. Storytime with Adam Cole is back and it's beautiful. Also Jungle Boy died for this. - Okay. But. Just. Okay. CM Punk and Bryan Danielson are All Elite. They will hopefully tag together. Bryan will head to NJPW, almost definitely. Minoru Suzuki just walked in and started slugging on Mox. The Forbidden Door is wide open. Will Kenny Omega one day return to Wrestle Kingdom? There are so many possibilities and they are all very exciting. This was a phenomenal show and it didn't have Hangman Page, Cody Rhodes, FTR, Santana and Ortiz, PAC, Andrade, Sammy Guevara, Team Taz, and the rest.

- Wrestling is good, actually. Imagine watching like five hours of wrestling and loving wrestling at the end of it.

*What competes- WK11, Dominion 2018, 2019, DoN 2019, 2021.. All-In, probably. Wrestlemania 30. A few Takeovers. Kris Wolf's retirement show...

[nighting-gale17]

superhero (stronger than you know)

Buck hated what he saw when he looked in the mirror.

His finger grazed lightly over the thick, ugly scars running down his face, from the bridge of his nose to his cheekbone. Another one was longer—extending down almost to the edge of his jaw and Buck hated it.

All over the media he saw people celebrating these scars, congratulating them on their bravery thats marked by the permanent scars on their faces. Buck knows that some people find them heroic or something but all he sees is another flaw, another piece of him to hate. The bright red, angry shade of the scars contrast starkly with the pale pallor of his skin. He couldn’t even keep looking at himself for more than a few seconds before he was tying a soft, cloth mask over his face.

With things finally seeming to settle down, the department had deemed it okay for them to wear these reusable cloth masks instead of the hard, awful plastic ones they’d been issued. May had sewn some, with Harry’s help, for the entire family. She’d even made extra for Buck, though not after giving him an almost twenty minute lecture on why he shouldn’t be ashamed of the marks on his skin.

Buck didn’t believe her, but he was grateful for the extra masks.

The only time Buck had shown anyone the scars beneath the mask was Bobby. The older man understood Buck better than himself some days, so it wasn’t a surprise when he reassured him that he shouldn’t ashamed about the scars, but accepted his decision to continue wearing the masks anyway.

Buck was just absolutely terrified of anyone seeing him. Of Christopher seeing him and being scared because the awful scars that marked up his face made him look like a monster. Scared of Eddie seeing him looking like this and deciding he didn’t want him, finally coming to his senses and gong after a younger, prettier person to be with.

“Buck, baby,” Eddie’s hand brushed gently through his curls. “You gotta take that off while we sleep. You’ll smother yourself.”

Buck averted his eyes, trying to hide his shaking hands in the bedsheets when he felt Eddie’s fingers gently unhook the mask from his ear. His fingers were gentle as he pulled it off and Buck closed his eyes, unable to bear seeing the disgust or horror in Eddie’s eyes that he knew was there.

“Oh, mi vida, lo siento…” Eddie’s voice was barely above a whisper, thick with emotion that made tears burn in the back of Buck’s eyes. 

Soft hands hesitantly brushed over the scar on his right cheek and Buck flinched away from the touch violently, turning his head and biting back a sob. “I’m sorry.” he whispered, breath hitching as tears started to drip down his face.

“Bebé, what do you mean?” Eddie asked softly. “Sorry for what.”

“I-I look like a monster.” Buck pressed his hand against his mouth, squeezing his eyes shut as the tears started to fall faster. 

“Oh, Buck,” Eddie murmured, his hand reaching out and grabbing Buck’s hand. “Hey, bebé, look at me, por favor?”

Buck did so slowly, reluctantly raising his head and opening his eyes to look at Eddie. Eddie, his lover, gazing at him with nothing but love and admiration in his eyes, with maybe a little sadness as well. “Evan, you’re the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on. Nothing will ever change that. You’re not a monster,” he continued, fingers brushing gently once again over the scars on Buck’s face. “You’re brave. Selfless. Kind. Gorgeous. Captivating.” He leaned forward and pressed their lips together in a chaste kiss. “You, Evan Buckley, are perfect.”

Buck sobbed softly, staring at Eddie through tear-glazed eyes, overwhelmed with the amount of love his boyfriend was showing him. Then he launched himself at him, letting the older man hold him tightly while he cried against his shoulder.

“Shhh…” Eddie shushed him comfortingly, one arm wrapped tightly around his torso while the other rubbed comfortingly along his back. “It’s okay, querido. You’re okay. I love you. You’re okay.”

Buck cried in Eddie’s arms for a long time before he finally quieted down, feeling a little shaky and drained from the leftover adrenaline and his crying session. He made no move to leave Eddie’s arms, though, pressing his face against his boyfriend’s neck and just enjoying being in the one place he hasn’t been able to be in months. 

“Is this why you kept putting off coming home?” Eddie asked quietly.

“I was afraid you wouldn’t want me anymore.” Buck admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “I-I thought Christopher would think I looked like a monster. Because of these disgusting scars on my face. I-I wouldn’t blame you but…” he trailed off, feeling his cheeks burn with shame. “I was selfish. I wanted to see you I-I didn’t want you to leave me.”

“Oh, cariño,” Eddie pulled back a little, looking down at Buck and cupping his cheek with a broken look on his face. “I will never leave you, Evan. Ever. Not even when we’re old and gray and full of wrinkles. I love you. Christopher loves you. He’s not going to care what you look like.”

Buck had to look away. “I’m disgusting.” his breath hitched with another sob. “T-These scars on my face and my leg—”

“Hey, hey, Buck, no—” Eddie ducked his head until Buck met his eyes again. “There is nothing disgusting about you. These scars on your leg are reminders of how much you survived, remember?” he said, tracing a finger lightly along the back of Buck’s calf. “They’re a sign of your strength. And so are these.” Soft lips pressed gently against his cheek. “This shows me how brave and selfless you are—how kind. It shows me your strength, cariño, there is nothing disgusting about it.”

Hearing it come from Eddie and the soft way he cherished him made Buck believe his words just a little bit more. “I’m probably going to forget,” he warned, sniffing and pressing his forehead against Eddie’s. “You’re going to have to remind me a lot.

“I’ll always be here to remind you, mi amor,” Eddie promised, pressing their lips together in a chaste kiss. “I’m never leaving you.”

xxx

When the morning came, Buck was worried Eddie would find the scars as hideous as they truly were in the morning light. But Eddie knew Buck, and he was quick to smother him with kisses and reassurances that nothing had changed. He kept looking at Buck with this strange emotion in his eyes that made Buck blush, even though he wasn’t sure what it was.

It was rejuvenating being able to fall back into the morning routine he so dearly missed. The soft sizzle of the pancakes cooking on the stovetop while Eddie woke up Christopher and helped him with his morning exercises. The quiet giggles did more to ease his wounded soul than any medicine could ever hope to.

“Bucky!” Christopher’s screech had him turning around, barely getting to his knees in time to catch the young boy as he threw himself at him. Christopher’s arms clutched tightly around his neck and he was crying into his neck. “I-I missed you so much!”

“I know, buddy,” Buck whispered, unashamed of the tears on his own face, “I missed you, too. So much. I thought about you everyday, you know? Even in-between our FaceTime calls.”

“Are you back forever this time?” Christopher asked, his voice hitching against Buck’s ear.

“Forever.” Buck promised, closing his eyes briefly before meeting Eddie’s eyes when he opened them again. “I’m not leaving you two again.”

Christopher demanded to be held for several minutes longer, his face staying buried against Buck’s neck. Buck had a feeling the clinginess would last for a while—but he definitely wasn’t going to complain. Not when it meant he got to hold his favorite person in the world after months of being apart.

When Christopher finally leaned back, Buck tensed as he felt those small hands press against his cheeks. He watched anxiously as Christopher stared at his face with wide eyes, his hand carefully running down his cheek. Christopher’s bottom lip wobbled a little and tears started falling from his eyes again. “Did Bucky get hurt?”

Buck hesitated, glancing over at Eddie standing right in front of him for help.

“Yeah, baby,” Eddie murmured, stepping forward and placing on hand on Christopher’s back and the other on Buck’s waist. “Bucky got hurt everyday while he was helping people. That’s why he’s got these scars.” he explained gently.

Christopher sniffed, silent for a moment before he asked. “Like from the tsunami?”

He was referring to the multitude of little, faded white scars that scattered Buck’s body from where he took the brunt of the injuries while shielding Christopher from danger and saving other people.

“Yeah, just like that, buddy,” Eddie kissed the top of Christopher’s head. “Bucky was worried you would be scared if you saw them.”

“I could never be scared of you, Bucky,” Christopher sweared vehemently, looking more serious than any nine-year-old had the right to be. He patted Buck’s cheek with one hand and smack a kiss on the other. “I think you look brave!” he declared. “Like Iron Man!”

“Is that so?” Buck chuckled wetly, blinking back the tears of relief. Eddie had told him, obviously, that he didn’t think Buck was hideous but—well, it was different, coming from a child. There was something about the earnest innocence about the declaration that settled his nerves and warmed his heart.

“Yup.” Chris nodded, as if that was that, the debate was settled. “Can we have pancakes now?”

Buck barked out a laugh, pressing a loud kiss against Christopher’s cheek before putting him down on one of the kitchen chairs. “Of course, buddy, anything you want.”

“I just missed your cooking. Daddy hasn’t gotten any better.” Christopher explained to him patiently, raising himself up and squinting his eyes as if that would let him see the pancake stacked on the counter across the kitchen easier.

“Of course he hasn’t.” Buck teased, accepting the soft kiss from Eddie before he grabbed the pancakes and started setting them out for the three of them. “Anything else you missed about me? Or was it just my amazing cooking?”

Christopher scrunched up his face thoughtfully for a minute before nodding. “Your hugs. Daddy’s missed your hugs too.”

Strong arms wrapped gently around his waist and Buck felt Eddie rest his chin on his shoulder. “He’s right,” Eddie murmured, pressing a kiss against the exposed skin on his neck. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“Well, I’m not going anywhere for a long time.” Buck answered, twisting a bit and pressing a lingering kiss against Eddie’s lips. With paid vacation awaiting him and his family finally back at his side, Buck would finally allow himself to relax. Maybe now, everything would start to be alright again. A new normal—but Buck knew the three of them could weather anything the world threw at them.

Also HERE ON AO3

[oliverstarked]

where I belong

[PG-13, 3.4k words]

"Buck's not sure of the exact moment that he knew Eddie was it for him, but it’s been that way for so long now it’s become a part of who he is. He used to be good at pretending his feelings didn’t exist, but he’s so tired these days."

A little bit of introspection, a lot of idiots in love.

[read on ao3]

The ocean is so beautiful at dawn. 

Under the soft pink-orange sky the water looks bruise-purple, whitecaps leaving foamy trails on the sand. The sun is only just peeking over the horizon, edging towards another gorgeous LA day. But before that begins, before the hustle and bustle and wailing sirens, Buck sits on the beach on the cold sand and feels caught in a moment so peaceful, so nice, just the squalling of gulls and the gentle crash of the waves for company. 

He pushes stale air out of his lungs and breathes the fresh in deeply. The chill feels good, raises goosebumps on his skin and reminds him that he’s alive. A reminder he’s needed a lot lately. He’s been struggling, even though his leg has healed, even though the tsunami is months behind him, even though his relationship with his 118 family is better than ever and he has no reason to be struggling. Nightmares come and go, cold sweats, little niggling thoughts that burrow their way into his brain throughout the day. 

He tries not to talk about it. There are so many people who have it worse than him and he doesn’t want to become some kind of social… leech around his friends, constantly draining them of energy by going on about his issues. You’re exhausting , Eddie said to him once. Buck knows it’s true, knows he takes inches and runs them into miles. His heart may be in the right place, sure, but he doesn’t know when to shut up, when to slow down. If there’s one thing his lawsuit mistake has taught him, it’s that his actions, his selfishness, has consequences on those around him. 

So what if he has bad dreams occasionally? He’s not a kid, he can look after himself. It’s more important right now that he’s there for his friends: asking Bobby how Michael’s doing, bridging the relationship between Chim and his brother, being there for Maddie always, listening to Hen talk about how Nia is settling in, being whatever Eddie needs to stop him doing stupid things again. It doesn’t leave a lot of room for his own problems.

It doesn’t matter. That’s just what Buck does for the people he loves.

The warmth of the sun creeps onto his face as it rises higher, prickling his skin. Buck squints into it, seeing nothing but gold, then sighs and gets to his feet. He brushes sand off the seat of his pants before slowly turning and making his way back up the beach. 

At least he gets to go to work. 

   Eddie’s getting changed when Buck walks into the locker room, and Buck manfully pretends he can’t see the miles of bare skin on display. Hen is sitting on the bench, laughing at something Eddie must have said, and it’s easy to grin at the two of them and say, “Well, good morning.”

“Hey,” Eddie smiles, shrugging into a t-shirt, thank god. 

“Buck, I have to show you this.” Hen holds her phone out, a video paused on the screen. Buck takes it, taps play. It’s Nia, holding onto Denny’s hands and bouncing up and down in time with her blonde curls, screeching in delight as a catchy pop song plays in the background. 

“That’s pretty damn cute,” Buck says. “When do I get to meet this li’l nugget?”

“Soon,” Hen tells him, slipping her phone back into her pocket. “It’s a lot for her, the social worker says we need to introduce new things and people gradually.”

Eddie, tucking his overshirt into his belt now, says, “Well, whenever you guys need a babysitter, hit us up. Chris and Denny can play and Buck and I will dote on that gorgeous girl.”

Hen snorts, looking between them. “Should you be volunteering Buck for that?”

Honestly, it didn’t even occur to Buck that he wouldn’t be there. The automatic assumption on Eddie’s part too makes him feel warmer than he did five minutes ago. 

“Hey, you know I’m down,” Buck beams, “you just name the day.”

Hen squeezes his arm as she heads towards the door. “Thanks boys, we will definitely take you up on that.”

When she’s gone, Buck finally moves towards his own locker to start getting changed. Eddie is still there, tapping away on his phone. Buck wonders if he’s texting Ana . If they’ve even reached the ‘exchanging numbers’ phase yet. 

“Hey, man, you wanna grab pizza tomorrow night? You, me, Chris and Mario Kart at my place?”

“Sure,” Eddie agrees, hardly glancing up, definitely distracted. “But, uh, Chris won’t be there, he’s got that overnight field trip at the observatory tomorrow.” 

Damn, Buck should have remembered that. Christopher had been chattering excitedly about it for a couple weeks now. Eddie had mentioned it several times too, although decidedly less excitedly and more in worried-dad-mode. 

“Oh yeah, that’s right. Well, in that case you definitely gotta come over. We can drink beer and watch a movie that doesn’t involve some kind of talking animal.”

“Sounds good.”

He’s still typing. What is he doing, writing a goddamn article? Who could he possibly have that much to say to? 

Buck takes a breath, remembers he’s not being a selfish asshole anymore and gets changed quietly. Ana sounds like a nice person, she’d probably be good for Eddie. Buck’s feelings, his stupid feelings that he’s shoved so far down they make him feel a bit queasy more often than not, shouldn’t even factor into it.

“Are you okay?”

Buck startles at Eddie’s question. He’s not on his phone anymore, but looking straight at Buck, a little crease in between his eyebrows.

“Fine… why'd you ask?”

“You look tired.”

“Yeah. I, uh, got up early to go for a run on the beach. Anyway, not even eyebags could ruin this handsome face so you shut your mouth,” Buck blusters with an exaggerated wink and a bit of swagger as he closes his locker. 

It works, and Eddie rolls his eyes. “So glad that your ego remains unaffected.”

They argue playfully back and forth as they head up to the kitchen together and by the time they sit down to plates of Bobby’s French toast, Buck has all but forgotten his weird start to the day. 

Luckily, work keeps them busy. Any downtime they get is spent either stuffing their faces with food, showering the grime and sweat away, or trying to catch a few minutes of sleep. The entire twenty-four hours passes without major incident, unless you count Chimney tripping on a firehose and falling ass over teakettle on the freshly-waxed station floor. They’re still laughing about it as they get changed to go home the following morning, exhaustion making it hard to stop.

By the time he gets back to his apartment and collapses into bed, Buck’s tired enough that falling asleep is the easiest thing in the world.

 He wakes late in the afternoon, hot and sweaty from the sunlight pouring in through the windows. He showers, eats a sandwich, and texts Eddie to ask what time he’s coming over. 

Some sort of clarity must have crept in while Buck slept, because his head feels a little clearer. Still, he wonders what it means that a clear head feels like some kind of miracle these days. He thinks it means that he might need to talk to Frank again.

Buck grabs his phone and fiddles around on it until he pulls up his contacts. Frank’s name is sitting there right underneath Eddie’s. Before he can think about it too much, he calls and makes an appointment for his next day off. Part of him feels that old anxiety come back, worries that he’s slipping backwards instead of moving forwards, but another part of him is ultimately relieved. He doesn’t have to worry about burdening Frank, it’s his job to listen. He’s not allowed to be exhausted by Buck and his issues. 

By the time Eddie arrives not long after seven, Buck has cleaned his entire apartment, gone grocery shopping to get that beer that Eddie likes, and watched a Nat Geo documentary on bears. It’s been easy, simple, and he’s feeling okay. 

Eddie lets himself in with a smile and a tupperware container, and even though they only parted ways that morning, it’s still good to see him. “Hey, sorry I’m late, Ana called just as I was leaving.”

And just like that, Buck’s stomach sours. 

“She called you?”

“Yeah, I asked her to update me on Chris. She said he’s good, that they’ve just eaten dinner and he’s with his friends.” Eddie pauses, makes a face. “Guess that means I should stop worrying, right?”

“So you guys just talked about Christopher?” Buck asks because he’s an idiot who likes to torture himself. 

Eddie frowns, putting the tupperware on the kitchen counter. “Yeah. What else would we talk about? I emailed the school his overnight care plan this morning and she just wanted to reassure me. Anyway, Abuela made you tamales, shall I put them in the refrigerator or d’you wanna have them with the pizza?”

Buck still doubts that any other parents are getting personal calls from their kid’s teacher, but it makes him feel better knowing that Eddie’s only thought is the well-being of his son. 

Maybe this whole Ana thing is something he should talk to Frank about, too. 

“I’m going back to therapy,” Buck blurts, his brain to mouth filter nonexistent. “I have nightmares. I stopped talking about it because I thought I was being selfish but it’s fucking me up so. Yeah. I’m going back to therapy.”

Eddie’s eyebrows hit his hairline. Buck silently begs him not to make a big deal out of it, and is relieved when all Eddie says is, “Good. Thank you for telling me. The tamales?”

A mildly hysterical laugh bursts out of Buck. He comes forward and wraps his arms around Eddie, so fucking relieved that after everything, he still gets to have this. 

Eddie goes with the moment gracefully, pats him on the back a few times, and when Buck pulls away, Eddie leaves a hand on his shoulder and says, “I’m here for you. I know I haven’t always been great at that before, but I am. You don’t have to do this by yourself unless you want to.”

And Buck knows it’s true, can tell by the fierce determination in Eddie’s eyes, and thinks that maybe this means he’s not so exhausting to deal with after all. That maybe Eddie was exhausted with himself just a little, too. 

“We’re good, Eddie,” Buck says honestly. “I’m gonna call the pizza place, you take those tamales and the beer over to the couch.”

 They’re one and a half movies, two pizzas and half a dozen tamales in when Buck opens his mouth and “So are you and Ana dating?” comes out of it. 

Eddie chokes a little on his beer. “No? I don’t really know.”

It’s not quite the answer Buck was hoping for. “How can you not know, man?”

Shifting uncomfortably, Eddie leans back on the couch until he’s looking up at the ceiling, like he can’t meet Buck’s eye. “She’s nice, and pretty, and good with Chris. I dunno, Buck. It feels like it could go somewhere?”

Buck swallows hard. He knew it. He should definitely have waited to have this conversation until after he’s seen Frank though, because he has no goddamn clue how he’s supposed to be the supportive best friend when every fiber of his being is burning with jealousy. He’s not sure of the exact moment that he knew Eddie was it for him, but it’s been that way for so long now it’s become a part of who he is. He used to be good at pretending his feelings didn’t exist, but he’s so tired these days.

But what he has with Eddie and Christopher right now is the best thing going on in his life — he’s not going to risk losing that. 

“I wouldn’t even know how to ask her out,” Eddie continues, laughing a little at himself. “Out of practice would definitely be an understatement, I have no clue what I’m doing.”

Buck mirrors Eddie’s position, staring up at the beams under the loft. “I think you just say ‘would you like to go out with me’, Eddie. It’s not that hard.”

“Easy for you to say,” Eddie snorts. “I bet no girl has ever turned you down.”

“Ha, you should speak to Joe Levinson from high school,” Buck tells him. God, he thought Joe was so cute. He never told anyone, especially not his parents, and Maddie was off at college, but he used to trail around after Joe like a lovesick puppy. “We’re talking the crush of all teenage crushes here, man. I was so gone on Joe and it was senior year and then prom was coming up, and I—”

“Oh no,” Eddie laughs, “you got turned down?”

“I got humiliated,” Buck grins. “I thought I’d go classic, y’know? A love note in the locker, little hearts doodled on it and ‘I really like you, will you be my prom date?’ written in glitter gel pen. Imagine my surprise when the next morning my note is not just in Joe’s locker, but on the front of every single locker, in the halls, the cafeteria, even the damn teacher’s lounge. He made sure the last few weeks of high school were not good ones.”

“Wait…” Eddie tips his head sideways, confusion written on his face. “Joe was a boy?”

Shit. Buck isn’t ashamed of being bisexual at all, but it occurs to him now that he hasn’t actually told anybody besides his sister. “Uh… yeah?” 

“Did you just come out to me?”

Buck shrugs. “I kinda forgot you didn’t know?”

Their faces are pretty close at this angle, their heads cushioned by the back of the couch. Eddie doesn’t look hostile or disgusted though. He looks thoughtful. 

“That was really brave,” he eventually says, quieter than before. “I can’t even imagine asking a boy out in high school.”

There’s something in the way he says it that gives Buck pause. “Did you want to?” he asks carefully.

“It wasn’t an option.” Eddie doesn’t sound sad, just matter-of-fact. “Besides, I met Shannon in college. And I really loved her, Buck. There were… occasions, while I was in the army, but I never acted on it. I’d made vows, they meant something to me.”

Buck can’t look away from Eddie’s face, pulled in by the wide-eyed openness and the thought that he didn’t know this about Eddie — that they didn’t know this about each other. 

“And now?” he asks, not sure why he’s whispering.

“Now I don’t know,” Eddie says honestly. He licks his lips. Buck couldn’t tell you which of them moved first but all of a sudden their lips are touching, pressing. It’s dry, a little chaste, but most definitely a kiss. Buck shifts, brings his hand up towards Eddie’s face, and barely touches his jaw before Eddie is springing backwards, shock written all over him. 

“Buck, I’m sorry—”

“No, dude, that was all me, I was totally over the line.”

“We just got — caught up in the moment,” Eddie says, and Buck’s not sure which of them he’s trying to convince. 

“Yeah, all that talk about dating and my tragic high school trauma. Woulda been weird if you hadn’t wanted to kiss me,” he smirks, aiming for cool and cocky and probably missing by several miles. 

Eddie lets out a bark of laughter that’s more panic than amusement. They’re quiet for a minute. Eddie’s knee is still pressed against Buck’s, warm and solid. Buck doesn’t know what’s happening here but he knows he really liked kissing Eddie, can still feel his lips tingling. He knows he’s not going to lose Eddie over this though, can’t lose him. He’ll do whatever it takes for that not to happen.

“It was a moment,” Buck concludes, for both their sake. “Moment’s over.”

Eddie’s throat visibly bobs when he swallows. “Right. Y’know, I should probably take off. Before—”

He cuts himself off. The tips of his ears go bright red. It takes every ounce of willpower Buck has not to ask him ‘before what?’

He follows Eddie across the apartment to the door, but he really doesn’t want this to be weird when they get to the station in the morning. He lays his hand on Eddie’s forearm and asks, “We’re okay, aren’t we, Eddie?”

To his relief, Eddie smiles and it seems real. “Of course, Buck. Nothing’s changed. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

As he lets himself out, the door closing softly behind him, Buck can’t help thinking what a bad liar Eddie is. Of course something has changed. Everything has changed. That kiss will hang over them for the rest of their days as partners — as friends. You don’t just ‘accidentally’ kiss your best friend and then act like it didn’t happen. 

Buck wanders into the kitchen, fists his hand in his hair, scrapes them over his face, repeatedly bangs his forehead into the cupboard door. Stupid stupid stupid . 

Restless, he clears away pizza boxes. Drops empty beer bottles into the recycling. Seals the lid on the tupperware and puts the remaining tamales in the refrigerator. Shuts off the TV — how didn’t he notice the movie was still playing? 

He’s wiping down the kitchen counters when there’s a knock on the door. 

Eddie’s standing there on the other side, looking just as wide-eyed as he was when he left. 

“Hey,” Buck says uncertainly, ignoring the swoop in his stomach. “You forget something?”

“Yes,” Eddie says and he takes a step forward, holds Buck’s face in his hands, and crashes their mouths together. 

This kiss is nothing like their last. 

Eddie is demanding, relentless, tongue tracing the seam of Buck’s lips straight away until Buck opens up for him and everything gets hotter and wetter and so much more amazing. His own hands, which had been floundering in surprise, land on Eddie’s waist and Buck walks him backwards until his back hits the open door and closes it with a bang. He leans into Eddie with all his weight, pushes him against the wood, shoves their hips together and groans the filthiest sound he’s ever made into Eddie’s mouth.

It’s incredible, feels absolutely perfect. Buck moves his hands, slips them under the soft fabric of Eddie’s shirt, finding warm skin and hard muscles and a stomach that trembles when his thumb flicks over a nipple. 

With a gasp, Eddie pulls back and smacks his head against the door. Buck removes a hand and places it gently behind Eddie’s head to cushion it, kissing a lush apology to his lips. 

“You feel so good,” Eddie mumbles. “Buck.”

Buck kisses down Eddie’s neck, their stubble rasping, his lips fluttering over Eddie’s thundering pulse. He shoves their hips together some more — once, twice, and again because he can’t stop — and he can feel Eddie’s dick through their jeans and he’s so turned on he can hardly breathe. 

“We should talk,” he says to Eddie, breathlessly, “but first we should fuck.”

“Best idea you’ve ever had, Buckley.”

A grin spreads across Eddie’s face and Buck copies it, kissing him again because he just can’t help it and grabbing his hand, dragging him away from the door and up the steps to the loft.

Two orgasms, one set of clean sheets and one shower later, Buck feels brave enough to say, “I want this every day forever.”

Eddie’s nearly asleep, head right next to Buck’s on the pillow, one arm slung across Buck’s stomach. He cracks open an eye and presses a tiny kiss to the corner of Buck’s mouth. 

“Guess we’re on the same page then.”

“I don’t want you to date Ana.”

The other eye pops open, trademark Eddie Diaz exasperation all over his face. “Buck.”

“Just checking!” Buck laughs, drawing patterns on Eddie’s arm. “Y’know, I’m still gonna need therapy.”

“I’d be worried if you didn’t. Unless sex really is a magic cure.”

Buck tries to smile but instead finds himself softly saying, “I might have a nightmare.”

Eddie kisses him again, for longer this time, then shifts closer and nuzzles his nose into Buck’s temple, his hair. “I’m not going anywhere. Go to sleep, Buck.”

They settle in, warm under the blankets, and Buck closes his eyes, falling asleep quick and easy, between one breath and the next. 

[florenceandthemachine]

Chapters: 1/5 Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Demons, Canon-Typical Violence, One Night Stands, Getting Together, Drunkenness, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eddie Diaz Is A Good Father

HAPPY HALLOWEEN 3RD EVERYONE and thank you to @eddiesdiaz and @hearteyesforbuck for convincing me to write what started out as a spite fic. 

***

���You really love that kid, huh?” Buck murmured against his chest, and Eddie smiled, a soft chuckle making his chest (and Buck’s head) shake. “I do. He deserves everything I can give him and so much more. I’d do anything, give up anything, to make sure Chris is happy and safe.”

“You’d... sell your car for him?” He asked, looking up as Eddie scoffed.

“Please. In a heartbeat.”

Buck rose a brow, fingers circling Eddie’s palm. “You’d sell your house?”

“Without a doubt.” Eddie locked Buck’s fingers in his own, bringing their hands to his lips, kissing each of Buck’s knuckles.

“Would you sell your soul?”

———————————————————————————————————

For the record, Eddie Diaz really and truly thought that he was going to have a good day when he woke up.

He had actually slept that night, which was a great start.

He finished his morning run in time to have breakfast with Chris and Carla, which was embarrassingly infrequent.

He was still smiling, humming some song from one of Chris’ shows under his breath, when he went to check the mail that morning, and that was when everything went to shit.

The simple “Condolences” card would have basically gone unnoticed in the stack of bills and junkmail, had it not been for the Texas zip code on the envelope. He thumbs the edge of the card, a frown across his face as he racks his brain—had anyone died recently? He didn’t think so, hadn’t heard from his aunt or his abuela, they hadn’t had any life or limb threatening calls in almost a month and a half.

He opened the card slowly, eyes scanning over the block of text written on the left side of the card, his heart instantly kicking overdrive as he picked out a few words.

The card was for Shannon.

Shannon, who his parents were not exactly on the best of terms with. Shannon, who had responded to Eddie leaving in turn, who had divorced him less than twenty four hours before her death.

Shannon who had been dead for a year, almost to the day.

He almost, almost couldn’t believe it, that his mother and father would be the kind of people who send death-anniversary-condolence cards, but those thoughts were stuck swirling around in his own guilt. Shannon had died a year ago and Eddie hadn’t even realized it. Sure, they had a tumultuous relationship at best, and he still missed her—especially missed her with Chris—but it still felt gross, realizing that he had spaced out what he felt should have been such an important milestone.

He only barely scanned over the words “Chris” and “with us” and “for the best” before he slammed the card against his chest, his eyes wide and wild, only a second away from going full fight-or-flight because of a fucking greeting card. He didn’t want to believe that he was still going to be fighting against this, that he had to continue to fight against his parents for his son. They were doing better. He was doing better. And for anyone to suggest, twelve months after the fact, that Shannon’s death would have been a decent reason for Eddie to give up custody...

Between calling out of work last minute and having to be reminded twice to kiss Chris goodbye when Carla brought him to school, Eddie knew that he wasn’t exactly the image of stability at this point—but he was pretty sure that could all be forgiven, considering his circumstances.

Blindsided by an event that happened a year ago: check.

Still only barely making ends meet and paying for his son’s needs: check.

Regularly feeling like an absolute failure in a personal, professional, and fatherly sense: fucking triple check.

Eddie’s only saving grace was that Chris had already planned on spending the night with Hen and Karen and Denny that evening, so Eddie could do the one thing he did best.

Better than anyone else. Better than anyone, ever.

Finding a random bar to get absolutely plastered in.

--

“It’s just, when I thought they couldn’t sink any fucking lower, they do. They act like she was no one when she was alive, and now that she’s dead I’m supposed to just hate her alongside them because they hate her cause she divorced me, but spoiler alert! She died anyway!” Eddie was saying, his face resting cheek down on the bar, the straight whiskey he had been sipping swirling around in its glass, the amber liquid refracting light over his face. He was alone in the bar, had been for two hours at least—his words might have been the slightest bit slurred, but the bartender seemed to be ever understanding, nodding his head as he wiped down the spot next to Eddie, what seemed to be the last of his closing duties.

His bartender, who was rapidly going up in Eddie’s opinion—not just because of his impeccable pours, and the fact that he was pretty cute (and yes, that was Eddie’s unbiased opinion), but because he was listening. He was actually listening as Eddie rambled on, more than just that passive grunt-and-nod that so many bartenders thought passed for actually paying attention to their clientele.

“You know,” Bartender started, tapping his fingers on the bar, a steady rhythm that pulsed through Eddie’s cheek in a semi-comforting manner. “It’s okay that you didn’t hate her. Even after the divorce. Just because two people divorce, doesn’t mean they don’t love one another, just that... that they’re better apart than they are together.”

Oooh. That was a good point. It was wrong, but it was still a good point. Eddie rose his hand to counter balance himself, pushing into an upright position so he could take another swallow from the glass in front of him. “I didn’t love her, not at the end, but...” Eddie started, sipping and swallowing. “I loved what she was.”

The bartender leaned forward, raising a brow, and Eddie felt his eyes naturally drift from the small green gem that was hanging off of the chain around his neck to the beauty mark, dancing above his browbone, scrunched up as he scrutinized Eddie that much further. “And what was she?”

“A partner.” Eddie said easily, catching the surprise on the other's face. “She was my partner, even though I was a shitty one. And she was a friend, even though I was a shitty one. And she was such a good parent, and I’m—“

“I swear, if you say you’re a shitty parent I’m going to clock you with this bottle.”

Eddie laughed in spite of himself, his eyes trailing back down, somewhere around the bartender’s chest—Buck, his name tag said. Eddie was pretty sure he had been told that already. “Seriously, man, I’ve heard you talk more kindly about your kid from the time you were half a drink in than most people do when they’re sober.”

Eddie sighed, knocking the rest of his drink back, sliding the glass back to Buck. “Well, isn’t that how dads are supposed to be? Willing to take bubb—bulb—bullets for their kid?”

Buck snorted, swiping Eddie’s glass for a refill—only a finger this time, not three—Eddie was probably going to be cut off soon, much to his dismay. He wasn’t nearly as plastered as he wanted to be, and having to go to another bar was going to be a major fucking inconvenience. “Not mine.” Buck said, putting the bottle back on the shelf. “My dad would probably be more upset about a bullet going through any clothes he bought us than he would be about it actually going through us. Charming bastard, he was.”

Eddie sucked in a deep breath—to offer his condolences or maybe to cry, he wasn’t sure, because Buck waved it off before he could say one thing or the other. “It’s no big deal, it’s all said and done now. All you can do is be there for your kid as best as you can, and Eddie, I can already tell that you are.”

Eddie sighed as he let his head fall into his hand, lips buzzing as he exhaled, face smushing against his palm. “I hope so. I really want to be, I’d... fuck. I’d give anything to help my kid, to make sure he was safe, to... to make sure he would always be protected.”

Had Eddie been a tad more sober, or maybe a tad more attentive, he probably would have noticed the sudden flick of Buck’s eyes, or the way his wrist jerked to a sudden halt while he was cleaning a glass. He might have noticed the way Buck ran his tongue over his lips, and... well, okay, he definitely noticed that, and was pleased to see Buck’s lips turn into a smile.

“Hey, closing time is in about... now. You sober enough to go for a walk with me, or do you want me to call you a cab? Either way, I’m not letting you drive.”

Eddie pouted, reaching for his wallet in his jacket pocket, blinking in surprise as Buck waved him away. “Come on, you’ve had a rough... year, sounds like. I’ll consider it on the house.”

Eddie felt his cheeks pink up, pulling his jacket on, smiling as he looked down to the bar for a moment. “Alright, well, I owe you one then.”

“Counting on that.” Buck said, his smile wide again, just barely on the right side of too-sharp and too-toothy. “Now, come on. Take a walk with me.”

--

The cold Californian air (well, as cold as it got in California in March) did more to sober Eddie up than any amount of water, and he smiled as he shrugged his jacket a little tighter as Buck locked the door to the little bar he had spent the past few hours in.

His smile grew as Buck finally made eye contact with him again, easily falling into line a half step ahead of Eddie as they started to walk, letting the bartender lead the way to wherever they were going.

“So, Eddie. How did a nice guy like you wind up in a bar like mine?” Given the half conversation they had in the bar, Eddie had no idea what kind of conversation Buck would be expecting—so he was surprised when Buck directed the topic toward himself, asking Eddie about where he grew up, what he did for work, his likes, his dislikes. It was cute, and benign, and Eddie felt his cheeks pink up in a way that wasn’t entirely related to the cold weather every time he caught Buck actually listening to him, actually giving a damn about his interests.

“But, uh, enough about me.” Eddie said, his face bright red as he realized just how long he had been talking. It was unlike him, to say the least—while he wasn’t really a private person, he didn’t have that many opportunities to share himself with people, so now that he had one, he was definitely rambling. “What about you, what’s your story? You’ve already heard all about my parents and my son, any rugrats of your own wandering around?”

No sooner did than the words left Eddie’s mouth did he wish he could take them back—the flash of pain that crossed Buck’s face was only compounded by the way his shoulders hunched, drawing into himself like it was second nature. “Nah, felt like it was kind of selfish, you know? Risking fucking up a little kid just because I wanted one, when I have no idea how to care for one. My parents were... not great. I mean, they weren’t terrible, but they definitely didn’t want to be parents, and they just weren’t... there.” He started, his words slow as they fell back into step with one another. “But I have a sister. She’s so smart, she got out the minute she could and never looked back. She’s the one who gave me this, when I graduated high school.”

Buck’s smile was nothing short of captivating, small and soft as he pulled the small stone Eddie had seen earlier out from his shirt, admiring the gem on the chain before he tucked it away again. “Anyway, she left, and then my dad died, and then my mom kind of lost it, to the point where my options were either move across the country or call an old priest and a young priest. So, don’t walk away thinking you won the award for crazy parent this evening.” Buck said, snorting in a way that was a little too familiar in the “I-make-light-of-my-problems-to-cope” tone that Eddie himself had mastered.

Keeping their pace even, Eddie sighed, looking up at the night sky. It was bright, obnoxiously so—between the city lights and the street lamps above him he couldn’t make out a single star, but he liked to imagine them anyway. The moon was full, at least, and that would do for the time being. “Bobby—err, my boss—says that your family, your real family, is the one you choose, not the one you’re born into. I don’t know if that helps, but… you can always choose something better, Buck. You deserve that much.” he finished with a shrug, raising a brow as he watched Buck shrink into himself, catching the motion out of the corner of his eye.

“You think so?” Buck asked, looking up at Eddie through his lashes (which was a truly impressive feat, considering Eddie was pretty sure Buck was taller than he was). “I do. Or at the very least, I like to believe it.” Eddie said as Buck smiled, bumping his shoulder playfully as they fell back into step, well aware of the way Buck’s eyes trailed over his lips as they curved into a smile of his own.

He wasn’t... stupid, after all. He may have had a busy life and a busy schedule, but Eddie knew when someone was flirting with him. It happened enough while they were out on calls—not that he wanted to toot his own horn—and while he had religiously turned down every single ‘opportunity’ while he was on the clock, that didn’t mean he was a stranger to a one night stand (especially after a few drinks).

And the way that Buck seemed to be looking at him was... delicious, to say the least.

He was caught by surprise when they came to a stop in front of the same bar they had left some half hour ago, his own curious expression met with Buck’s grin. “Well, look at that!” Buck said, looking above the bar toward a set of windows set back behind the neon sign. “Thanks for walking me home.”

Eddie couldn’t help but laugh as he nodded his head, dramatically waving an arm in front of him. “Well, it was my pleasure. And, um, thank you for talking with me, and for listening to me. It... You’ve turned a really shitty day into a much better night.” Eddie said, feeling a warmth spread through him as Buck flat out blushed.

He blushed. Motherfucker had no right being that cute.

“Well, I’m glad that I could help.” Buck said with a smile, pulling him back into the present, looking up at what Eddie assumed was his apartment. “But, you know... the better night doesn’t have to be over yet. Do you want to come up for some coffee?”

Buck probably had a very nice loft above his bar—but Eddie couldn’t be sure, because the moment the door shut behind him, Buck had him pressed up against it, lips pressed against his own and hands blazingly hot on his body. The only thing he could be sure of was that Buck had a great ass—a perfect ass, even because that was the only thing Eddie was holding on to before Buck picked him up, literally, and carried him up the stairs to bed.

Holy fuck, Eddie thought he was going to cum then and there.

Eddie wasn’t someone who was overwhelmed easily, but he found himself starting to lose himself as Buck’s teeth roamed around his body, leaving love bites on his neck, collar bone, down his stomach, and then oh—oh—Eddie felt his cock sink into warm, wet heat, his eyes rolling back in his head as a guttural noise escaped his throat.

Buck just giggled. That asshole.

Nearly an hour later, Eddie was delightfully sore, body tugged in ways he didn’t think were possible without an aggressive amount of stretching. He struggled to catch his breath as Buck flopped over his chest, looking every bit as content as Eddie felt.

“Eddie, holy, uh,” Buck started, and Eddie was pleased to realize he wasn’t the only one who was panting. “Holy shit, that was amazing. Is there a, uh, round two in the stars, or do you have to go home soon? I don’t know about your kid...” Eddie blushed, feeling a little bit of warmth in his chest, entirely unrelated to the physical presence of the man currently using him as a pillow.

“No, he’s out for the night. But as far as round two goes, you may need to give me a few.” he answered with a laugh, all smiles as Buck pulled himself up to press a kiss to Eddie’s lips, sighing contentedly. His deeper breaths turned into a steady sigh as Buck started to trace patterns up and down his free arm, fingers dancing over the palm of one of his hands while the other wrapped around Buck’s shoulders.

“You really love that kid, huh?” Buck murmured against his chest, and Eddie smiled, a soft chuckle making his chest (and Buck’s head) shake. “I do. He deserves everything I can give him and so much more. I’d do anything, give up anything, to make sure Chris is happy and safe.”

Buck felt, more than he heard Eddie speak, the vibrations traveling through his cheek easily. “You’d... sell your car for him?” He asked, looking up as Eddie scoffed.

“Please. In a heartbeat.”

Buck rose a brow, fingers circling Eddie’s palm. “You’d sell your house?”

“Without a doubt.” Eddie locked Buck’s fingers in his own, bringing their hands to his lips, kissing each of Buck’s knuckles as his naked body moved against him. Eddie let out an entirely undignified noise as Buck rolled suddenly, straddling his hips, one hand supporting his weight beside Eddie’s head, the other still linked with his own as he grinned.

“Would you sell your soul?”

Eddie groaned in response as Buck rolled his hips down, still equally overstimulated and sensitive as he nodded his head quickly. “Course. Like I said, anything.”

Eddie felt his eyes slide half shut as Buck sucked in a breath, the expression on his face nothing short of elated. “Oh, Eddie. You won’t regret this, I promise.” he gushed, his eyes bright. “It’s a deal.”

Even as he felt the confusion grow, Eddie couldn’t help but smile as Buck leaned down into a kiss, his enthusiasm—even if Eddie wasn’t sure what it was about—was positively infectious. He felt another groan get pulled from his lips as his eyes slid shut, the sound drowned in Buck’s mouth, Buck’s body heavy on his own and his hand warm in Eddie’s, and...

...wait, no, not warm. Hot. Really hot.

In fact, his entire body was hot. Every inch where Buck touched him was suddenly burning, like he was a white hot coal pulled straight from the fire.

Eddie gasped and pushed back from the kiss, his lungs burning from the inside out, feeling like he was sucking in smoke, his head starting to spin.

“Eddie, it’s okay, just breathe...”

Buck’s voice was a thousand miles away as Eddie grit his teeth, willing his eyes to focus. The last thing he could see was Buck, still beaming at Eddie like he won the lottery; eyes so bright they were literally glowing, his smile far too sharp to be human, matching the two growths sprouting from his head, and Eddie—

Eddie finally broke, body arching away from the burning heat that was spread out on top of him, letting out what he thought was a scream as everything went black.

[tripleaxeldiaz]

darling let me trace the lines

a flower shop fic for my beautiful @elisela <3

read on ao3

I. Birth Month Flowers

The bell above the shop door rings, but Eddie ignores it in favor of putting the finishing touches on the wedding arrangement he’s working on. There’s only one person who’d come in after closing anyway, and he’ll make his way to the back room soon enough.

He smiles as he feels strong arms wrap around his waist from behind and a chin come to rest on his shoulder. He puts the last of the peonies in place before turning around to greet Buck properly.

“Hi,” he says, arms coming around Buck in return. Buck’s smile gets bright and Eddie melts, like he always does. 

“Hi,” Buck whispers, leaning in to kiss Eddie softly, sweetly. “Happy anniversary.”

If anyone had told Eddie a year ago that this is where he’d end up — happier than he’s ever been with the best man he’s ever met, business going better and better each day, Chris continuing to shine — he’s not sure he would have believed them. He would’ve kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for every good thing to be met with something even worse, for the inevitability of sinking back into the darkness that constantly followed him.

But now, he has Buck and Chris and the rest of their little makeshift family to pull him out and remind him that he gets to keep these good things, that he deserves them. He still has days where that’s hard to believe, where everything goes a little grey, but then he’ll hear Chris’ laugh ring through the shop or see Buck smile, and colors come seeping back in again.

He kisses Buck one more time before stepping back to get a proper look at him. The first word that comes to mind is mouthwatering — dress pants cut just right, dark blue button down making his eyes even brighter. He looks like he just stepped out of a J. Crew catalogue, and it takes every ounce of willpower Eddie can muster to not drag him upstairs right now and forget about their dinner reservations. 

There’s one glaring problem though, and Eddie reaches forward to undo the buttons at Buck’s wrist to roll up the sleeves of his shirt. Buck tries to pull away, but Eddie’s grip is firm.

“Eddie, come on, this is a nice place, they won’t even let me in the door if they see all my ink.”

“Well, it’s my anniversary, and I want to see it. If my very Catholic, ‘your body is a temple’ abuela can accept your tattoos, the maître d' at this restaurant can too.”

He gets both sleeves rolled up to Buck’s elbows and takes a minute to admire the ink underneath. They’re all more than familiar now, and he’s spent hours asking Buck about each one, like Chris did when they first met. He likes knowing these things about Buck, the little bits that are so obvious on his arms but have meanings that go much deeper. It’s a privilege, a blessing really, and it’s not something that he’ll ever take for granted.

Buck’s blushing by the time he’s done, and Eddie kisses his nose to get a laugh out of him.

“Okay, okay, go get dressed, we’re gonna be late,” Buck says, shoving Eddie towards the stairs. Eddie does as he’s told, quickly changing and fixing his hair, and he feels himself smile as Buck’s jaw drops when he comes back downstairs.

He knows he looks good — both the lady at the store and Sophia on FaceTime said that maroon was definitely his color — but it’s nice that the main person he’s trying to impress agrees too.

“You look— damn, babe, are you sure we have to go to dinner?” Buck asks, pulling Eddie closer by his belt loops and kissing him deep. 

Eddie lets him, just for a minute, before pulling away, ignoring Buck’s groan as he grabs his hand and pulls him out the door.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dinner goes by without incident (minus a brief makeout session in the bathroom between courses) and is overall perfect. Eddie is full of food and flushed from wine and swinging his and Buck’s clasped hands back and forth as they walk back to his apartment because he’s so happy he doesn’t know what else to do. The smile Buck shoots his way only makes that happiness grow.

The nerves settle in a bit once they finally get upstairs. “So, I know we didn’t talk about gifts or anything,” he says, pulling Buck towards the couch to sit down. “But I had a vague idea, and Chris wanted to help, and one thing led to another so...I do have something for you.”

Buck looks almost relieved. “Good, because I kinda have something for you too.”

Eddie laughs and rolls his eyes — of course they did this with no planning — before going to his bedroom to grab the gift.

“Close your eyes!” he yells before walking back in. He gently places the gift in Buck’s lap and sits back down beside him.

“Okay, open.”

Buck does and looks down, eyes widening as he does. He traces a finger reverently over the leather cover of the book in front of him, stopping as he gets to the edge of the picture laid in the middle — the two of them and Chris at the beach, matching sunglasses and big smiles. It was their first “family day” after they got together, and the first time Eddie knew, with complete certainty, that this was all he wanted — all he needed — for the rest of his life.

“These are all from the past year,” he says as Buck starts flipping through, like that wasn’t obvious. But he’s nervous and Buck hasn’t said anything so he’s just...riffing. “Even Abuela had some that I didn’t know about. Chris added all the drawings, the ones you two have been working on, and he suggested the pressed flowers because I was teaching him how to press them anyway. It’s mostly jasmine because I know those are your favorite, and they mean ‘sweet love�� so it...fit.” Buck’s still quiet, slowly flipping through the pages. “I know it’s a little cheesy, but—”

“It’s perfect,” Buck says, voice rough. When he finally looks at Eddie, his eyes are shining. “I just can’t believe it’s only been a year and we’ve done all this.”

“There’s blank pages too,” Eddie says, tapping the back of the book. “For when we need them.” Not if we need them, because Eddie doesn’t feel presumptuous in thinking — knowing — that they’ll need those blank pages, and probably a couple thousand more.

Buck smiles and reaches up, cupping Eddie’s cheek. “I love it. I love you. Thank you.” He kisses him once, twice, three times before closing the book and setting it on the coffee table.

“My turn?” Eddie asks. Buck nods and stands up, smile gone and replaced with a nervous grimace. 

“So, first things first, I meant to talk to you about this before it happened,” Buck says. “But then I told Chim and Maddie about it, and they said it would be better as a surprise, and they’re very persuasive when they want to be, and she didn’t have a lot of time last week, so I—”

“Buck,” Eddie says, standing up too. “It’s okay. Whatever it is, I’m sure I’ll love it.”

Buck’s eyes flit back and forth between his for a minute before he nods and starts unbuttoning his shirt.

“Oh, it’s that kind of present?”

Buck just laughs and rolls his eyes. He finishes unbuttoning and shrugs his shirt off, revealing his bare chest and more tattoos that Eddie’s become intimately familiar with over the past year. He’s traced each of them with his fingers and his tongue, knows their stories, could probably draw them from memory if someone asked him to.

Except one.

It’s healed but still fresh, stark on Buck’s skin compared to some of the older, faded ones. The design is simple but clear, and obviously Maddie’s work: a marigold and a daisy, crossed at the stems, tied together in a perfect bow by a piece of twine. And it’s right over Buck’s heart, in a spot Eddie knows has been reserved for something truly special.

“It’s beautiful,” Eddie says, “but how is it for me?”

“Come on, Eddie, you know what flowers mean better than anyone.”

“Sure, and I know marigolds are for pain and grief and daisies are for innocence. But what does that have to do with us? Unless you mean—” 

He loses his breath a little because it clicks. Tears sting his eyes as he looks up at Buck, because he knows what he thinks it means, what he wants it to mean, but he wants to hear Buck say it too.

Buck smiles, soft and beautiful. “A marigold for an October birthday, like yours, and a daisy for an April birthday, like Chris’. The bow is actually a rose vine for a June birthday.”

“Like yours,” Eddie whispers. 

Buck nods, but he quickly looks nervous again. “I know it’s kind of a lot, and maybe it’s assuming too much, but you guys are it for me. Really, really it. This is the best way I could show you that.”

Eddie reaches a hand up, traces gently over a petal, feels Buck’s heart thumping underneath it. Underneath them. A symbol of their family, so solidly formed that Buck wanted it to be a permanent part of him, woven into the tapestry of the stories he paints on his skin.

Eddie’s at a loss for words — so many big things he wants to say, but they’re all getting tangled in his brain, mixed with the sheer awe that this is even happening. Buck must take it as a bad sign though, because his face falls a bit and he starts looking around the room at anywhere but Eddie.

“It’s okay if you don’t like it,” he says, trying to grab for his shirt on the floor. “Like I said, I should’ve told you first—”

Eddie grabs Buck’s face and pulls him into a searing kiss. He’s getting better with words, with communicating his thoughts and talking through what he’s feeling, but sometimes actions still serve him much better. He does his best to pour the tangle of love and devotion and thoughts of forever into the kiss, and if his enthusiastic response is any indication, Buck seems to pick up on everything just fine.

They come up for air eventually, but Eddie keeps holding on to Buck, his thumbs gently tracing the blush on his cheeks. He just looks, takes this moment in, floored by the fact that even when he thinks things can’t get better, that he’s used up all his good fortune and reached the peak of whatever happiness he’s been allowed, Buck comes in and blows the roof clean off.

“You’re it for us too,” he says softly, earnestly. Buck’s smile is big and bright, and Eddie falls in love all over again.

II. Matching Rings

“You know you’re gonna have to get this redone, like, every year, right?”

Buck shoves Chim’s shoulder, almost knocking the ink out of his hands in the process. “You said you’d give us anything we wanted as a wedding present. And you’re only doing mine, so it’s like half a present. Be grateful we didn’t ask for money, too.”

Chim holds his hands up placatingly and finishes loading his machine. It’s just the three of them on the floor, Maddie in the back office doing something with accounting. The sun is going down, lighting the whole room up with soft, golden light. It hits Buck just right too where he’s laid back in Chimney’s chair, making his skin glow in all the places it peaks out beneath the ink. His hair is soft and loose and his smile is easy, and Eddie feels his heart pick up, like it’s the first time he’s ever seen it.

Eddie can’t believe he has to wait a week to marry this man. He’d do it right here, right now if he could. But it’s only seven days, and today they’re doing something just as permanent, just as lasting as they are.

This wasn’t part of the original plan. Everything else was set for the wedding — the venue, the food, the cake, the suits, everything, except the rings. They’d spent three separate weekends going to stores all around Los Angeles, scouring Etsy shops, talking to designers, and still nothing felt right. Nothing they saw felt true to either of them, as a couple or as individuals, and it was (on top of the general stress of planning a wedding) starting to get to Eddie.

“Screw it,” he’d said after another two hours of searching, closing out of another store’s website. “This is so stupid. The rings are the least important part of this, why is it so hard to find good ones?”

Buck pats his shoulder and sets down a mug of tea in front of him before sitting down next to him. “We could just get cheap ones for the actual wedding and keep looking after. Or skip the rings altogether?”

“No, I still want them,” Eddie said. “I just want them to be special. To be us. We’re going to be wearing them for the rest of our lives, we should like them.”

Buck nodded, tapping the side of his own mug, lost in thought. Eddie tried to search some more, typing every combination of “male wedding ring not ugly” in Google and hoping something stuck, until Buck suddenly grabbed his wrist, his eyes bright.

“What if we do tattoos instead.”

“Ring tattoos? Is that even a thing?” He liked to think he’d absorbed a fair amount of tattoo knowledge in all his years of knowing Buck, but he can’t remember a time anyone ever came into the shop for something like that.

Buck nodded. “They’re more popular than they used to be. And we could design them ourselves. They’ll need touch ups, but what’s more permanent than ink being shoved into a layer of your skin?”

He was right. Tattoos meant a lot to the both of them — what better way to truly bond them for life? Eddie smiled back, kissing Buck’s cheek. “You’re a genius.”

So now, three weeks later, design finalized and on their only free evening for the next seven days, Chim starts up his machine and starts on Buck’s left hand.

It’s a simple design — black, interwoven strands, tied together by each other’s initials on the palm side. To Eddie, the strands look like a ribbon of DNA, which makes perfect sense for how much Buck is a part of him, heart and soul and everywhere else in between. He’s intrinsic to Eddie’s very being at this point, and now everyone else will get to see it too, will know from just a glance that he is happily, permanently, taken.

He feels Buck snake his free hand into his own, interlocking their fingers and squeezing gently. He looks up, worried, but Buck seems fine, easy smile still on his face, brighter still now that it’s night.

“You okay?”

Buck nods. “Doesn’t hurt. Just like holding your hand.”

Eddie smiles and rolls his eyes, but squeezes his hand back just as gently.

Chim takes his time, meticulous as always, but he’s still done fairly quickly. He wraps Buck’s finger and cleans up his station before heading to the back to find Maddie, yelling “Congrats you two, don’t touch any of my stuff” over his shoulder as he goes. Buck just rolls his eyes before standing — his hand still clasped in Eddie’s — and leading them over to his own station. Eddie gets comfortable in the chair while Buck gets everything ready, and while he tries to take in the shop around him, noting the new artwork and paint job that Maddie just finished last weekend, his eyes always drift back to Buck, hands moving sure and quick as he cleans and fills his machine. Buck finishes up and catches him (though he wasn’t really trying to hide), smiling softly as he sits down in front of Eddie and takes his hand. The machine buzzes to life, and Eddie lets out a hiss as it touches his finger.

“Remember the last time you were here?” Buck asks, eyes trained on his work.

Of course Eddie does — he couldn’t stop staring at Buck that time either, no matter how hard he tried. He also remembers being scared, not of the tattoo, but of his growing feelings for Buck, how they were getting harder and harder to ignore but he still hadn’t felt like he deserved Buck or the pure light and joy he’s made up of. 

Some days he still doesn’t, even after three years together and a week away from getting married. 

But then Buck will come into the shop and launch into a story about a terrible client he just had, or come through the back door and plop down next to Chris to help with homework or an art project, or just look at Eddie with his steady, sure gaze, press a kiss to his cheek, and tell him he loves him like it’s the only thing he knows for certain. And Eddie will remember how well Buck fits into their lives, how easy it is to love him and be loved by him, and those doubts wash away as quickly as they came.

Buck shows him more love every day than any person should be capable of showing. Eddie can’t wait to spend the rest of his life giving it right back.

“Done!” Buck says. Eddie looks down at his hand and feels a beautiful warmth spread through him that threatens to bubble over in a laugh or tears or maybe both. Buck’s smiling too as he wraps Eddie’s finger and places a gentle kiss to the knuckle right below the ink, the promises of forever they’ve made to each other now permanent on them for the whole world to see

“So, a touch up every year huh?” Eddie asks as they leave the shop and head back to the apartment. Buck throws an arm around Eddie’s shoulder, pulling him closer as the cool night breeze whirls around them.

“Think of it like a permanently scheduled vow renewal,” Buck says, and Eddie does, his mind suddenly fast forwarding to see them 10, 20, 30 years down the line, renewing their commitment to each other year after year within the now sacred walls of Armageddon, older and greyer but still just in love as they are right now, if not more. It makes Eddie feel that warmth all over again, coursing through him until a laugh does bubble out of him as he presses a kiss under Buck’s jaw. He stops them walking and pulls Buck closer, kissing him for real — slowly, thoroughly, tangling their hands together and gently tracing over Buck’s ring finger, excited beyond words for the start of the rest of their lives together.

III. Ursa Major and Minor

Chris is being weird.

Which isn’t actually unusual — he’s almost 18, and teenagers are always a little weird about certain things. Eddie’s still not allowed to look in the bottom drawer of Chris’ nightstand, and at this point, he probably doesn’t want to.

But still. He’s being weird. And for that matter, so is Buck.

He can tell they’re hiding something — it feels like every time he comes into the back room, they’re huddled over the table, whispering about something. He tried to look over Chris’ shoulder once to see what he was scribbling in a notebook, but Buck had yanked it away and sat on it before Eddie could get too close. Whenever he tries to ask what’s going on, they just smile at him, the picture of innocence, and start talking about schoolwork or graduation or anything else until Eddie finally moves on.

And he loves it, really, that Chris and Buck have their own little thing at the moment, something that’s just for them. But he’d also really like to know what the hell is going on.

He’s sitting at the kitchen table, answering emails about orders after dinner, when Buck and Chris walk in. Buck has that mischievous, self-satisfied glint in his eye that always raises Eddie’s blood pressure a few points, but Chris looks nervous. He’s fidgeting with the notebook in his hands and has the same wide-eyed look he had when he opened every one of his college acceptance letters. 

Eddie shuts his laptop and pushes it to the side. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine. Chris just has a question for you.” Buck nudges him gently with his elbow before sitting down at the table. Chris follows suit, taking the seat across for Eddie, looking nervous still but more determined. He takes a deep breath and finally looks Eddie in the eye.

“So,” he starts. “Tomorrow’s my birthday.”

Eddie nods. “Same day every year.”

Buck snorts and Chris rolls his eyes. “Yeah, Dad. And I know we already have plans, but I wanted to add one more thing for us to do.”

“Sure, buddy. What did you have in mind?”

Chris takes another deep breath and answers quickly on the exhale so it comes out like Iwannageddatattoo. Eddie tilts his head and leans forward. “Come again?”

Another breath. “I want to get a tattoo. Tomorrow. For my birthday.” He flips through the notebook in front of him, landing on a page and sliding it towards Eddie. There’s things scratched out all over the page but the final design is clearly circled — the Big and Little Dippers, each point made of small, hand-drawn asterisks and connected by even lines of dots. It’s clean, simple, and Eddie thinks it looks beautiful (though mostly because Chris put a lot of effort into putting it together).

“They look great, Chris,” he says, “and you technically won’t need my permission to get it tomorrow, but I’m sure I can sway someone at Armageddon to get you an appointment.” 

Buck smiles and nods. “Already on the schedule. But there’s something else Chris wanted to ask.” He looks pointedly at Chris, who rolls his eyes again and nods.

“So I want to get this one,” he says, reaching across the table and pointing at the Little Dipper. “And I thought, if you want— you don’t have to, but—” he moves his hand to the Big Dipper. “I was wondering if you would get this one with me?”

Eddie could cry. He very well might with how fast he feels his eyes welling up. He and Chris have always been close — something he’s been thankful for every day of his son’s teenage years — but this is something else entirely. He got his first tattoo out of spite towards his parents, and now Chris wants to get one with him?

He’s quiet for too long, because Chris looks even more nervous. He clears his throat and reaches across the table to take Chris’ hand in his. “I’d love to. If you’re sure. This is a pretty permanent decision.”

Chris smiles. “They’re our stars. I want us to get them together.”

Now Eddie’s definitely going to cry. He remembers summer nights in El Paso after Shannon had left — when neither of them could sleep, so they snuggled in the hammock in their backyard instead and stared up at the stars. He didn’t know many constellations, but there were two that he could always find.

“They look like spoons,” Chris had said once, still small enough to fit snuggly to Eddie’s side. 

“They do,” Eddie said. “But they’re not just spoons, they’re part of bigger pictures — Ursa Major and Minor, Big Bear and Little Bear.”

“Like a dad and a baby?” Chris asked. Eddie’s heart clenched — because he’d burrowed impossibly closer when he asked that, because he hadn’t asked about a mom, because he loves this kid so much he’d grab every star in the sky for him if he wanted them — and he ran his fingers through soft curls, trying to stay in the moment for as long as he can.

“That’s right,” he said, voice rougher than he wanted. “They’re always together, always protecting each other. Just like you and me.”

“Forever?” Chris asked as he placed his hand in Eddie’s.

Eddie swallowed, pressing a kiss to the top of Chris’ head and clasping their hands together. “Forever and ever.”

He meant it — he still means it — but the fact that Chris kept that promise with him too all these years, turned it into something precious, something worth immortalizing, it makes Eddie wish he could go back in time and tell his younger self that everything would be fine. That whatever doubts he had swirling in his head while laying in that hammock were for nothing — that he was and is a good father, who raised the best kid in the world to be full of joy and happiness and love, just like he promised himself he would the minute Chris was born.

He laughs as he feels tears fall for real, and Chris laughs wetly too, coming over to him and hugging him tight around the neck. Eddie holds on just as hard, reaching down to grasp Buck’s hand too when he feels him squeeze his knee.

He hopes those lucky stars are listening when he sends up a thank you for giving him this family.

“I love you, Dad,” Chris says.

Eddie untangles them enough to take Chris’ face in his hands, get a good look at his son — his beautiful, perfect boy, who’s becoming a better man than Eddie could’ve ever hoped for.

“I love you too, kid. Forever and ever.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Chris goes first the next day, brave face on until Buck starts up the machine and brings it to the inside of his bicep.

He grabs Eddie’s hand and squeezes hard. Eddie doesn’t let it go.

[wild-springflower]

Old Enough to Know I’ll End Up Dying (My Mind is a Cage)

Pt 1

Chapter two! I wanted to get this up before tonights episode but alas, life was difficult and did not cooperate. I hope y’all still enjoy!! Most likely two more parts after this!

The sun was warm, if not a little bright in his eyes, but the comfort of his bed was enough to ignore that one little annoyance. He stretched with a long sigh, arms reaching high above his head before splaying out to either side, where his fingers brushed against the unfamiliar tousle of a head full of hair.

Eddie’s eyes snapped open, darting over to the other side of the bed. If he hadn’t been freaking out so bad, he might have almost considered how comically wide his eyes were, because laying in bed flat on his stomach, sound asleep next to him, was Buck.

Maybe it was the sudden tension in the air, or maybe how quickly he had moved, but a moment later Buck was sighing and slowly peeling his eyes open, still heavy-lidded with sleep. He stretched his arms out underneath the pillow in front of him, in a way that reminded Eddie of a cat, and smiled up at him. “Morning.”

And even though Eddie had no idea what was going on, and he was internally freaking out, he still had a heart stopping moment of just staring in wonder at how beautiful the man before him was, with the warm amber glow highlighting his muscular shoulders and reflecting off his eyelashes. It was mesmerizing. 

“Ed? You good?” Buck asked as he gained more awareness.

Eddie swallowed, and sighed, glancing around the room nervously. “This is gonna sound crazy.”

Buck just chuckled, propping himself up on his elbows, “No big deal, you sound crazy at least once a day.” He jested with a wink.

“Well, this might be actually crazy. Like, hospital levels crazy.” Eddie sighed once more, “I don’t remember last night.”

Buck’s eyebrows dove towards the ground, “We didn’t even drink that much, honey are you feeling okay?” 

Any levels of joking they’d had before disappeared as genuine concern took over. Buck sat up and reached his hand out, pressing the back of it to Eddie’s forehead. Eddie caught a flash of a ring in the rising sunlight, and suddenly became overtly aware of the weight of a ring on his own finger as well.

“We’re married.” He breathed. It felt strange, it was something he knew, deep down, but the memories were clouded and hazy. It was like he was grasping at straws trying to remember them.

“Have been for a while babe. You didn’t hit your head, did you?”

“No, I just, wow. I think I had a really weird dream last night.”

Buck snorted and sat back, satisfied with the conclusion that his husband wasn’t concussed. “Must’ve been some dream if you woke up and couldn’t even remember we were married.”

“That’s what’s so weird about it. It felt so real.” Eddie mused, mostly to himself. “Maybe it was because it was basically real life. Like just a dream about the firehouse and stuff.”

“What happened in this dream about the firehouse and stuff?” Buck asked with a coy smile.

Eddie couldn’t quite tell if he was actually curious or if he was just poking fun at him, either way the smile lit his insides on fire and any doubt or confusion he’d been feeling vanished entirely. No way could he love this man so much and not be married. “Nothing really, that’s why it’s strange. It wasn’t like we were on some call or anything. We were just, at work. I remember you weren’t there, I think you were with Christopher? Oh well, it’s not like it’s important.”

Buck shrugged, “True.” He said simply, before extracting himself from the blankets and hopping out of bed. “Gotta pee.” He said by way of explanation, before leaning over and pecking a chaste kiss to Eddie’s lips.

That one small action nearly had Eddie swooning and even though they’d been married for almost a year the first thought to go through his head was ‘I could get used to this’. 

After the bathroom had been used and teeth had sufficiently been brushed, the two headed into the kitchen to start on breakfast. Buck had thrown on a baggy firehouse t-shirt, much to Eddie’s hidden dismay, but he figured he had the rest of his life to see his husband shirtless. He could survive the rest of the morning with him fully clothed.

“Eggs?” Buck called, already digging through the fridge.

 Eddie barked out a laugh. “Is that all Bobby taught you to make?” 

“We got busy. Besides, you love when I make eggs!” Buck defended, although his cheeks still colored slightly.

“I like your eggs daddy.” A sleepy voice called from the doorway.

Eddie and Buck both turned to see their son, still clad in his long pajamas, standing and looking up at them, left hand rubbing at his eye. 

“I know you do!” Buck called, running over and scooping Christopher off the ground, the two of them giggling as they spun around in a circle. “I think we gotta knock some sense into dad over there.” Buck whispered, clearly aware that Eddie could still hear them if the smirk on his lips was anything to go by.

Chris nodded vigorously, “I concur.”

Eddie shook his head, hands on his hips in exaggerated disbelief. “Well, if that’s the way it’s gonna be.” 

Buck watched him cross the kitchen with wide eyes, “What’re you doing?”

“Retaliating.” Eddie grinned, before reaching into the ice box and grabbing a handful of ice cubes.

“Oh no.” Buck called, already starting to back away slowly. “Don’t even think about it.”

“Oh, I’m doing more than thinking about it.”

The three stopped for a moment, Chris and Buck eyeing Eddie cautiously. Then Eddie surged forward, and Buck took off running, Christopher squealing in his arms.

“He’s getting closer!” Chris yelled.

Buck glanced over his shoulder, grinning when he saw his husband closing distance. He turned around quickly, hefting Christopher in his arms. “Sorry buddy, sacrifices have to be made. Every man for himself.” 

Eddie slowed just a little, rolling his eyes at the wink Buck sent him, but nodded his head softly anyway.

“No, Bucky no!” Chris cried out, smile on his face the entire time, before he squealed as he was launched directly into Eddie’s waiting arms.

“Oof! I got ya buddy.” Eddie said, easily repositioning Chris in his grasp. “He just gave you up. Are you gonna stand for that?”

“No!” Christopher held out an open palm, “Ice me!”

Eddie laughed, and it took a little finagling to get a handful of ice cubes to Chris while also not dropping him, but they managed and were soon back on the hunt.

“Oh no!” Buck yelled, leading the chase into the living room before slowing down just enough for Chris to catch up and shove his arsenal of ice down the back of Buck’s shirt. “Aaaaah nooooooooo!” Buck fell to the ground dramatically, arching his back to escape the cold.

Christopher was laughing the whole time as Eddie helped to tackle Buck to the floor, and the three of them wound up in a heap on the carpet, all trying to catch their breath past the giggling. 

The household was just beginning to settle down, when Christopher sighed and rested his head against Buck’s chest, still wrapped tightly in one of Eddie’s arms, the other having to be sacrificed in favor of supporting them. He liked laying literally on top of his husband, but he also didn’t want to actively squish the life out of their son.

“I love breakfast since getting two dads.” Chris said happily.  

Eddie met Buck’s eyes over Christopher’s mop of curls, and they just laid there and stared at one another for a second. Buck still had a hint of a smile on his face, and Eddie had never felt luckier than he did at that very moment. He leaned down, and gently brushed a kiss against his soft lips. Buck’s hand found the back of his neck and pulled Eddie down, deepening the kiss.

“Ewwwww!” Chris cried, breaking the two of them apart and snapping them back to reality.

Buck laughed, his head falling back against the carpet. Eddie felt a laugh start to bubble in his chest and before he knew it, he was chuckling too, shaking his head in fond exasperation. “Sorry bud, we’ll stop.”

“You can kiss later, after Bucky has made his eggs!”

“It is breakfast time.” Buck reminded with a knowing smirk.

“Maybe I had a different breakfast in mind.” Eddie said before he could stop himself, and although he took great pleasure in the deep red that now encompassed Buck’s face, he couldn't ignore the burning of his own ears.

Christopher looked between the two of them, clearly aware he was missing something. “What do you want dad?” He asked innocently.

Buck snorted and quickly stifled his laughter with a cough, shoving Eddie gently off him so he could get up and start on breakfast for the whole family.

“Toast!” Eddie blurted in panic, glaring at the back of Buck’s shaking head as he abandoned him to try and salvage this awkward conversation on his own.

Christopher studied him a moment, gears turning in his head. Finally satisfied with whatever conclusion he came to Chris shrugged, “You can have toast with the eggs.”

It was a little over an hour later and Christopher was watching cartoons in the living room while Eddie and Buck cleaned up from breakfast. Buck stood in front of the sink, washing dishes and handing them off to Eddie to be rinsed and set to dry in the rack. They would have used the dishwasher but washing the dishes by hand was something that they just weren’t quite ready to give up yet, a tender and domestic moment that they both loved sharing too much to forgo in favor of technology.

“I cannot believe you said that in front of your son.” Buck said with a shake of his head, laughing softly. 

“I can’t believe you kissed me like that in front of yours.” Eddie snapped back, no heat behind his words. He also loved taking any chance to remind Buck of the fact that Christopher thought of him as a second father; it was an insecurity Buck had shared with Eddie late one evening after they’d first gotten married. That he could be Eddie’s husband and live in their house but never actually be a dad to Christopher. 

“That kid looks at you like you hung the stars Buck, and let’s be real here, he’s thought of you as a second dad for far longer than we’ve even been together.” He’d whispered tenderly, and he would never forget the look on Buck’s face right before he’d started crying.

Since that night Christopher had switched between calling him Buck and calling him dad, and while Buck knew he’d always be “his Buck”, Eddie knew he lived for the moments when Christopher called him dad.

“Oh hey, Bobby and Athena want to have us over for dinner.” Buck said, breaking Eddie out of his reverie. 

“Did they say when?”

“Just soon, so probably tomorrow night knowing them.”

Eddie laughed, drying his hands off as they finished up the rest of the dishes. “Yeah. That’ll be nice though, it’s been a while since we’ve gotten together like that.”

“Yeah, work has been so crazy lately.” Buck stepped forward, eyes darting down to Eddie’s lips, which was really all the invitation Eddie needed to resume where they’d been before Chris had interrupted them in the living room.

Eddie’s eyes were closed, hands running up underneath Buck’s shirt and pushing him back into the counter. Buck’s hands ran through his hair, and Eddie was glad he hadn’t styled it for the day because it was certainly a mess now. Not that he minded.

Buck’s hips brushed against his, and Eddie’s knees almost went weak right then and there. But instead he moved his hands out from where they’d been caressing Buck’s abs to his thighs instead. He ran them all down the back of his legs and slid them back up to squeeze his butt through his sweatpants. 

Buck’s grip went from his hair to his shoulders, nails digging into Eddie’s skin, not uncomfortably. One more deep kiss and Eddie was pulling Buck off the ground and forcing him onto the counter, pushing the newly washed dishes out of the way. Buck was breathing heavily, and he leaned his head back eagerly as Eddie began to pepper other places of his body with kisses. He nipped at Buck’s collarbone, and the moan it elicited made excitement bubble in the pit of Eddie’s stomach. 

His hands had just found the waistband of Buck’s pants when their steady progress was halted, being clasped firmly in Buck’s own. He was panting, cheeks flushed and eyes shining, “Our son’s in the other room.” He whispered. 

Eddie chuckled, head falling to rest against Buck’s shoulder. “You really know how to kill the mood.”

“Well, I know he’s taken this whole ‘two dads’ thing in stride, but I’d really rather not scar him for life.”

“Yeah okay.” Eddie agreed with a long withering sigh. Just because he could concede that Buck was right didn’t mean he had to like it. He was still resting his head against Buck’s body, enjoying the warmth and the relaxing feel of Buck’s fingers running up and down his back. Even if Chris walked in on them then, a little PDA had never hurt anyone.

“Hey,” Buck whispered, his voice sounding weirdly disjointed.

“Hm?” Eddie inclined his head.

“You need to wake up.”

Eddie pulled back, eyebrows furrowed, “What?”

Buck glanced down at him, “What what?”

“Did you just-I thought you said something.”

Buck shook his head, eyes softening with concern, “No, baby you sure you’re okay?”

Eddie sighed, blinking a couple times and shaking his head. “Yeah, must just be tired or something. Come here you.” He pulled Buck into one more kiss before hoisting him off the couch and carrying him into the living room, they had some cartoons to watch. 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Eddie was happy to have the entire day just to themselves, especially with how nice of a day it was. The sun was shining and there was a light breeze to offset the mid-summer heat. The trio were out taking a walk near the park, they all enjoyed getting outside, but the open water still made Buck a little nervous. Eddie had been immensely relieved that once Christopher’s nightmares subsided, he was less scared to go near the ocean, but he didn’t want to push Evan before he was ready, knowing how terrifying of an ordeal the tsunami had been for him. They both avoided the still under construction pier with adamant fervor, not that Eddie could blame them for that. Getting over their fear of the water was one thing but going back to the place where they’d faced a terrifying watery grave was another thing entirely.

“I have a question.” Christopher said as he was swung gently by his arms, Eddie and Buck holding him on either side.

“What’s that bud?” Eddie asked.

“What happens to the sand creatures when it’s winter?”

“Sand creatures?” Buck’s nose scrunched up in confusion.

“Yeah,” Christopher responded immediately, “the little creatures that live in the sand on the beach. Don’t they get cold in the winter?”

Buck chuckled in surprise, “How did you get so smart?”

“Reading.” Christopher responded immediately, making both his dads laugh. “I love you daddy.”

“I love you too Chris.”

Christopher paused and looked up at Eddie, “I didn’t say anything.”

Eddie blinked, “You didn’t just-”

“I do love you though!” 

Eddie paused, a weird feeling settling into the pit of his stomach. Buck handed Chris his crutches, and bent down with a smile, “What do ya say you head over to the park? Maybe later we can get some ice cream, yeah?”

“Yeah!” Chris yelled happily, heading straight for his favorite swing.

Buck waited for Chris to be out of earshot before turning to Eddie in obvious concern, “Baby what is going on?”

“I don’t know, it’s like I’m hearing things.”

“I know, that’s the second time today. Plus, when you woke up this morning.” 

“It’s just so weird, I mean, I heard Christopher clear as day.”

Buck shook his head, “He didn’t say anything.”

“Probably just tired.” Eddie said, almost trying to reassure himself as much as he was Buck. His husband stepped forward and wrapped him in a tight hug, Eddie’s face easily fitting in the crook of his neck.

“I need you to be okay.”

“I’m fine.” Eddie whispered, although he was a little terrified, he was responding to something that hadn’t even been spoken out loud.

           ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a relatively long day, even if it was uneventful. Eddie had been a little hesitant to respond unless he was talking face to face for fear of responding to something that hadn’t actually been said. Again.

He just couldn’t understand what was happening, or why. He didn’t feel particularly tired, despite his go-to excuse. His head wasn’t hurting, he didn’t feel feverish. From the outside it didn’t seem like there should be any reason for him to be hearing things.

What was even stranger was it seemed to have really only happened with Buck and Christopher, no random strangers on the street or anything.

Still, he did his best to ignore it and just enjoy his day. He didn’t have unlimited time with his two favorite men, Eddie sure as hell wasn’t gonna let a couple weird occurrences get in the way of that.

And relatively speaking they had a phenomenal day. The park was gorgeous, and the picnic they’d packed for lunch was delicious.

Christopher had refused to let the idea of ice cream go, so they did end up stopping by a local ice cream shop, all three of them getting something fun and new so they could try each other’s flavors.

All in all, it was one of the best days Eddie’d had in a while. He couldn’t put his finger on why he’d been so stressed recently, but he knew a relaxing day with his boys had been just what the doctor ordered. Plus, they got to stay up and watch a movie, it was the weekend so no school for Christopher, and he and Buck both worked the afternoon shift.

“So, what movie are we watching tonight?” Buck asked, collapsing onto the couch with a contented sigh, fingers immediately intertwining with Eddie’s.

“Nemo!” Christopher suggested with barely a second thought.

“Again?” Eddie chuckled, “We just watched that one kiddo.”

“Again!” Chris cried.

Buck shook his head, laughing at the child’s antics, “What about the one with all the dragons?” He asked instead, hoping that sounded appealing. Not that he and Eddie weren’t fans of Finding Nemo, it just got a little repetitive literally watching the same thing every movie night.

“Uh-uh.” Christopher shook his head, before gesturing Buck closer with a wave of his hand, a smirk on his lips.

Buck leaned in and listened to the suggested option whispered into his ear. “Oooh, a classic. But you have to sing along.” Buck said as he pulled back with a grin.

“Only if you sing with me!” Christopher giggled.

“You sir, have yourself a deal!”

Eddie didn’t even regret it as the two screamed loud and off-key the words of “Be a Man” from Mulan, they were too adorable for him to even care about the slight headache pressing against his temples.

Movie complete and teeth all brushed, Eddie pulled the quilt back and climbed into bed, snaking his arms around Buck’s waist and pulling them both to lean back against the headrest. “That kid has got you wrapped around his finger you know.”

Buck shook his head and chuckled lightly, “Hey, at least I got him to switch from the movie with the fish for the millionth time.”

“You and I both know you tear up at the end of Nemo every time we watch it.” Eddie snapped good-naturedly, planting a kiss against Buck’s cheek.

“Yeah yeah, you don’t have to bring that up every time you know. Besides, you’re the one who cries watching Inside Out.”

“It’s a perfectly acceptable movie for an adult to cry in!”

“So is Finding Nemo!”

Eddie pulled back to shoot a snarky response when suddenly icy hot pain like an pickaxe drove through his head, and before he really could process what was happening he was double over, clutching his hair between his fingers and squeezing his eyes shut. He could barley hear the worried gasps of his name that his husband kept calling, the man’s voice growing more and more desperate.

“Ah god, m’head.” He gasped, he could barely think past the pain, but he felt Buck’s firm grip on his shoulder, anchoring him.

“Eddie, baby should I call for an ambulance? What’s going on?” Buck whispered, trying to quell the notes of hysteria.

Eddie hissed, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes, “I don’ know wha’s happening.” He ground out; the pain almost unbearable.

“Eddie?”

He heard Buck call, sounding almost hopeful and so terribly far away. Eddie wasn’t sure why his husband sounded so far off all of a sudden, but he knew he desperately wanted to be next to him, enveloped in his warm arms and kissed against his throbbing temple while whispered promises of everything being okay were brushed past his ear.

“Eddie, come on buddy, open your eyes for me. Please.”

It took a tremendous amount of effort, but finally Eddie’s eyes pried open, blinking at the harsh lighting of an unfamiliar room.

Buck was leaning over the side of the bed he was currently occupying, eyes wide but red rimmed. He looked absolutely exhausted, haggard even, and Eddie was immediately concerned. But also, so terribly confused.

“Wha-?”

Buck practically collapsed against the hospital bed, relief making his insides weak. “Oh, holy shit, Eddie. Oh my god it is good to hear your voice man.”

Eddie swallowed, noting how dry his throat felt, and glanced about his surroundings. A hospital room, he was in a hospital room. “What’s happening?” He tried to speak again, his voice coming out as nothing more than a harsh whisper.

“We can talk about it later okay? I’m gonna go get your doctor.” Buck stopped and just stared at him for a moment longer, so happy and relieved that it was a sight he’d been able to see. He had been terrified for a while that his friend’s eyes were never going to open.

Eddie watched Buck leave, his mind racing to catch up to what was happening. There were so many questions and concerns he had, and many of them were ultimately more pressing than what was currently at the forefront of his brain. But he found he couldn’t bring himself to care what the semantics of the situation were, not when the weight he’d grown so accustomed to feeling on his left hand was no where to be found, his finger void of a ring and his heart racing as he wondered what was actually real. And what was a lie.

Ch. 3