#and jimmy is honestly trying to do better and be a decent man

[sword-day]

He was a good cop.

Better Call Saul Five-O

[haleyesco]

Hands-on Assignment: Script Writing Part 2

It’s a Wednesday afternoon. AVA, CHELSEA, and SEAN are sitting in a lounge on campus after taking an exam.

AVA: That was so ass.

CHELSEA: I know, right? I studied a decent amount, and I felt like I was guessing on every other question.

SEAN: Hate to be that guy, but I didn’t really study, and I didn’t think it was that bad.

CHELSEA: Okay? Pop off Jimmy Neutron.

AVA: Yeah, it’s giving “brain blast”. (AVA holds her two fingers to her temple and squints as if she’s concentrating. AVA and CHELSEA laugh.)

SEAN: Man, I just love talking to you guys (he shakes his head and laughs).

CHELSEA: I really need to start the next paper.

SEAN: Oh yeah. I low-key forgot about that.

(They all take out their laptops.)

SEAN: (He scoffs) Of course, my laptop’s almost dead. Fuck, I guess I’ll just have to wait until I get home. (SEAN puts his laptop away and takes out his phone.)

CHELSEA: What are you guys doing this weekend? I was thinking we could do a movie night on Friday and then maybe go to Jake’s St. Patty’s thing on Saturday.

SEAN: I’ll let you know ‘cause I might be going home this weekend. My dad wants me to cover my sister’s shift at the restaurant.

CHELSEA: It’s fine if you don’t want to hang out.

SEAN: No, I want to. I honestly might not even go home.

AVA: How much bread did you make from it last time, though?

SEAN: Barely enough to get gas and groceries, so more like crumbs than bread.

CHELSEA: What about you? (She gestures to AVA.) You have anything going on?

AVA: I’ll have to see, too, because I’m trying to finish this paper by Sunday.

CHELSEA: You know what? It’s actually okay if you guys can’t come. I think I’ll ask Diana. I feel like haven’t seen her in a while. Like she literally stopped talking to us. She doesn’t even greet us, she doesn’t say hi or anything. It’s just weird.

(AVA and SEAN share a knowing look.)

CHELSEA: What?

SEAN: She told us not to say anything, but it’s probably because of what you said at her birthday party.

CHELSEA: I honestly don’t remember much, so stop being weird and just tell me.

SEAN: I mean, you basically told her you’re happy she’s not with Ethan anymore because now you can hang out with her again.

CHELSEA: Oh (pause). Is it bad if I think there’s nothing wrong with what I said?

AVA: Yeah, kind of.

CHELSEA: Well, I know it sounds kinda bad, but I was probably just trying to say that I missed her.

SEAN: We know, but there are definitely better ways to say that.

AVA: And it probably would have been good to do that, ya know, not on her birthday.

CHELSEA: Yeah, I guess. It’s whatever. I’ll figure it out…

(There’s a heavy pause.)

AVA: Um, I have to go get something to eat before my next class, but I’ll see you guys on Friday.

SEAN: Yeah, See ya.

(CHELSEA waves and smiles lightly. SEAN and CHELSEA watch AVA leave. CHELSEA takes out her phone.)

CHELSEA: TikTok is getting so unbearable. I swear I keep hearing the same three songs on repeat. Also, so many people are saying that Gen Z is aging like milk.

SEAN: Yeah (he laughs lightly). I have to get to my next class. See ya–

CHELSEA: I can tell Ava’s pissed at me, and I don't know if you feel the same way but whatever. I said I was gonna figure it out and I will.

SEAN: I know. I’ll see you on Friday. (He exits.)

[enderspawn]

dream smp asagao au, aka the very specific high school au

also aka the post thats very self indulgent for me and maybe 3 other people.

in short: its a dsmp high school au based on the game asagao academy, where everyone is part of a gaming club and compete against one another in tournaments. more in depth info about the AU/Asagao itself, as well as more info about the plot and roles of the AU itself.

Asagao Academy Basics

So to start, let’s cover the basics: what is Asagao Academy. ….well, an old Youtuber dating sim game (which, despite unfortunately including some fairly questionable CCs, IS still really good and well written and I recommend it) But what is it for AU purposes?

Asagao Academy is a highly elite world-wide boarding school set in Japan for those who are either rich enough to afford it, or those skilled enough to get scholarships. Within the game, there are two main clubs: Normal Boots and Hidden Block. They’re both gaming clubs, and joining is seen as super exclusive since they’re ALSO the most popular people in the school.

The two clubs compete with each other in various tournament events with specific categories. For example: Satch (from NB) and Jimmy (from HB) both compete in the “Tech and Invention” category, where they have to create/invent something related to gaming and have it judged at the event like a science fair. Meanwhile, Jared (from NB) and Wallid (from HB) both compete in “Dance” aka DDR and the person with the highest score wins.

The other categories featured in game include: Puzzle games (like Bejeweled or Tetris), Video Game Trivia, Pinball, Retro Platformers, a three-person fighting game, and 100% completion speedruns. So tldr; the categories can be kind of fiddled with and be whatever you want them to be, because even the original ones are pretty wack.

Also, there’s no rules against competing in multiple categories— in fact, most of the HB members in game do! It’s more about balancing time and practicing for them alongside school and other activities.

The winner of the competition is the team/competitor(s) with the most total wins.

Another thing to note: despite competing as clubs, they’re all actually pretty good friends. It’s all lighthearted and fun in the end, hell the leader of the opposing club even helps the main character join the main club just because he wants a decent challenge.

Speaking of… the main character! Hana Mizuno! I don’t have any current plans to include her in this AU (a la new dating routes), but I wanted to mention her for a few reasons.

For the main reason: her hair. Even as soon as she shows up, Mai (her best friend and roommate, who can break the 4th wall) immediately calls her out for her hair for looking like a main character which as we learn… isn’t an exaggeration. She’s literally a born protagonist, thus being born with naturally pink hair and a tragic backstory. Not only that, but other people are also born protagonists with pink hair as well— she isn’t an exception.

About the AU -- Revolution Era

A few things to note: in this au, when I first drafted it I… wasn’t looking to include 20+ people. I cut a lot of characters, but instead working with the idea that they’re still THERE, they just… don’t compete? Either they aren’t in the club and are just friends with the members, or they’re members who just don’t compete professionally. It’s nothing personal against those CCs and tbh as times goes they may get added more, but for now they’re just in the BG vibin.

It covers a really basic retelling of s1 for most of the planned au. It starts with One Club: the Dream Team. Members include: Dream (sophomore), Sapnap (sophomore), George (junior), Wilbur (junior), Eret (junior), and Fundy (freshman).

For reasons, possibly just as a goof or spite towards their American counterparts, Wilbur declares independence from the Dream Team and makes his OWN gaming club: L’Manberg. He takes Eret (a close friend from his grade) and Fundy (the freshman he immediately adopted) with him, causing the two teams to be 3v3.

But Wilbur’s got a dastardly surprise up his sleeve: TOMMY, HIS YOUNGER BROTHER (bc I am nothing if not a dedicated crimebros stan), AND TUBBO. They’re both too young to actually attend Asagao yet, but theres no age rules in the actual competitions so its fair play. They’re Wilbur’s secret weapon. After all, a 5v3 where the team with the most wins wins the competition? That’s a massive advantage.

… we all know how this goes though don’t we. Wilbur’s day be so fine, then BOOM, Eret betrayal 😔

In this case Eret feels it’s a LITTLE unfair to blindside them like that, plus Dream promised to make him the Leader of the Dream Team and, yknow, that kind of stuff DOES look good on resumes, so…

TLDR; Eret rejoins the Dream Team crew, as well as informing them of Wilbur’s plan with including Tommy and Tubbo and becomes leader. They’re still letting Dream and Co. basically actually do the leading, they don’t care that much, the title is just nice. L’Manberg cusses her out and promises to hold a grudge, but it’s all in good fun. After all, they’re just teens goofing around and playing. The clubs are again 4v4.

Dream tells the L’Manberg club that they can separate, sure… under one condition. They have to win the competition. If they lose, they have to rejoin the Dream Team club.

L’Manberg accepts, but come competition day… they lose. Tommy outright challenges Dream post awards to a speedrun competition for L’Manberg instead. …which Dream professionally competes in, and Tommy DOESN’T.

He loses, but he puts up a good fight despite having little to no actual practice put in, so Dream “grants” L’Manberg their “Independence”. (In this au, instead of being like… weirdly obsessive over Tommy, it’s a lot more “he sees himself in Tommy and wants to support/mentor him” and a “friendly rivalry” kind of deal bc its a damn HIGH SCHOOL AU)

So L’Manberg can be it’s own club! …Next year, when Tommy and Tubbo actually attend, since Wilbur and Fundy aren’t allowed a two person club.

About the AU -- Election Era

SO time skip! Congrats, everything up to now has been BACKSTORY. It’s now the next school year, with two main clubs (I’ve tried to keep them fairly balanced, which is why not all CCs are featured, sorry!)

Dream Team club:

Dream - junior

George - senior

Sapnap - junior

Eret - senior

Punz - junior

BBH - senior

Awesamdude - junior

Ponk - junior

L’Manberg club:

Wilbur - senior

Tommy - freshman

Tubbo - freshman

Fundy - sophomore

Schlatt - senior

Quackity - junior

Niki - sophomore

Jack - sophomore

(Also fun fact! Their grades are loosely based on the CCs actual ages! …Except Fundy, who got Baby-fied to fit the “Wilbur’s Kid” joke, and Eret bc it fit better to be the same age as Wilbur I thought. Oops HEKANDNSN)

So, for whatever Reason (listen this was an au I made in like one night when plagued with brainrot, it’s not all figured out), L’Manberg holds an election. Maybe it’s related to Wilbur wanting L’Manberg to be meaningfully different from Dream Team, maybe it’s a joke, idk!

…. SOMEHOW, Schlatt wins. Which ticks off Wilbur a lot. It’s his damn club, and the whole point was to avoid Americans, tf?? The two start to feud a lot and it threatens to split the club entirely via ppl taking sides. Worse, it means people aren’t practicing for the competition.

All while this is happening, there’s a new intrigue building. Dream catches word of an infamous player in the area, someone known to win entire competitions against teams of people all by HIMSELF. A man with bright bubblegum pink hair called Technoblade. That’s right, literal universe-assigned protagonist Techno. If Dream could enlist him, there’s no doubt in hell they’d be able to beat L’Manberg.

L’Manberg hears of him too and works to try and enlist him as well, so he basically gets courted by both clubs trying to get him to play for them to mixed results. He’s pretty chill vibin by himself, so what’s in it for him? (….I don’t know, remember how this is a WIP au I worked on once?)

Eventually, a teacher named Phil (who’s been the honorary sponsor of the L’Manberg club) gets pissed at Schlatt and Wilbur’s fighting and bans both from competing (aka this AUs version of them dying). Which fucking SUCKS for L’Manberg. They’re now going 6v8 with a wildcard player who’s undeclared on which side he’ll join, if at all.

… honestly, that’s as far as I got. Theoretically, Techno joins L’Manberg to reflect Pogtopia and they win. I never had plans to go into s2 due to its darker theme, but there are definitely changes that could (and might?) be made for the s1 plot just so it flows better.

I already had to shift Wil and Schkatt’s “deaths” to fit, unless I were to have them LITERALLY make a new club. Maybe Schlatt uses his power as Club President to make them work with Dream Team (to the point it basically merges the clubs). Sure, they might be guaranteed to win now but it removes the competition and fun as well as the spirit of OG L’Manberg. So then Wilbur rebels and makes his own club AGAIN, calling it Pogtopia with the intent to get L’Manberg back. Then Techno, intrigued with this group of like 2-3 ppl going against a team of like 13ish people, decides to join them. Idk! Alternative possible plot based more closely on s1 I guess!

I’m gonna add a list of characters in full with their age, their club, and what they compete in (if it’s already brainstormed, most ppl are unknown) below

Character List

dream (DT) - junior - speedrunning

george (DT) - senior - coding/tech and invention

sapnap (DT)- junior -

eret (DT) - senior -

wilbur (LM) - senior - rhythm game/guitar hero-esque

tommy (LM) - freshman - (possibly pick up speed running during election arc?)

tubbo (LM) - freshman - chess

fundy (LM) - sophomore - coding/tech and invention

schlatt (LM) - senior - he never actually declares what he plans to play and then gets banned anyway, aka no game kekw

quackity (LM)- junior - dance

niki (LM) - sophomore -

jack (LM) - sophomore-

punz (DT) - junior -

bbh (DT) - senior -

awesamdude (DT) - junior -

ponk (DT) - junior

technoblade (SOLO) - junior - multiple categories

FINAL BIT

here’s some scraps for ppl who know Asagao already as well as small bits I didn’t bother to write up any further

- Karl, much like Mai, is ALSO aware of the 4th wall and has time travel powers because of it.

- Purpled (undecided if he’s a solo player like Techno or has his own team he competes with that’s not a formal club) plays Literally Bedwars in competitions

- Callahan is the Dream Team club sponsor, Phil is L’Manberg’s club sponsor

- Karlnapity is real and canon bc I say so

- both for balance/laziness, every person only competes in one category. also bc it makes Techno that much more Protagonist-y that he does

- I made this AU in like February man idk I’m just vibin

- Fuck I never even included Ranboo huh

[agent-cupcake]

Imagine having a child with a guy named Jimmy. Cursed.

OTHERWISE you all pretty much echoed what I was thinking, bless you.

cw pregnancy / forced pregnancy

(As ever, this is all in the context of dark personalities. I hesitate to say yandere, although that’s kind of become synonymous with dark personality AU’s and an obvious argument can be made that a darker take on the characters could lead into a yandere scenario) 

Ferdinand von Aegir

~While I don’t think he’d go out of his way to have a baby, he definitely wouldn’t take any steps to avoid it, either. That is, he wouldn’t really stray into breeding kink territory or anything of that kind but he’s not gonna pull out either. 

~But, yeah, if you were to get pregnant, Ferdinand wouldn’t be displeased by any means. He’d legitimately think it was the best way to “fix” things and out of a misguided attempt to ignore any negative aspects of the relationship and cling to the idealism of a happy marriage. 

~Just a side note, but I def see him with a body worship kink and I can only begin to imagine how that would intensify with his weakness for the softness and so-called beauty of motherhood. Whatever that’s supposed to mean.   

~Honestly, I don’t see him overtly leveraging  as a manipulation tactic. No, he’s good enough that his genuine feelings could do the job for him. Like, it’s not just you anymore. You’re responsible for another life so don’t you think you just trust him and let him take care of you? Oh, sure, he’d humor you (on account of the hormones) and say that he understands why you’re upset, but please just calm down. Everything will be all right, he’ll take care of you. 

~I think that Ferdinand would want a family even without the whole dark personality aspect. The way he’d see it is that children are a natural result of a union and love. He’d absolutely cherish your children if for no other reason than the fact that they’d be half you, although you can’t tell me that he wouldn’t have a horrible weakness for kids.  

~You’d be barely showing and he’d be picking out baby names and getting opinions on how to decorate the nursery and occasionally freaking out due to anticipation and nerves. He’d be really, disastrously, over-the-top protective, too. I just assume white magic would greatly lessen the infant and mother mortality rate but that doesn’t entirely remove the risk of complications so he’d be cloyingly careful about everything you ate, keeping tabs on any possible oddity going on with you. And, you know, I think he would enjoy emotionally taking care of you. Like if you were scared or sad or anything, I think he’d enjoy comforting you in a way that’s definitely not healthy. He’d enjoy being needed, I suppose.

~Yeah, so overall I view any sort of darker personality take on Ferdinand to be him, but with his sweet and noble and protective traits dialed up to an eleven without any sort of self awareness to make him pause and consider that maybe you don’t feel the same so having a child like this, as an intentional act of manipulation to make you stay or not, would be within the realm of possibilities.

Sylvain Jose Gautier (Bastard Man)

~Sylvain is pretty easy to imagine with a dark personality. I mean, assuming you have no pity in your heart and are willing to write him in a way that he never was able to get over his myriad issues, self hatred, severe distrust of people’s true intentions, and familial trauma.

~Assuming all that, and entertaining the idea that he could never find a good balance of repression and escapism, I think Sylvain would create an unhealthy emotional bond to a single person he believed to be exempt from his overall dismal regard for people and do this fun little thing where he’d chaotically flip flop between extreme emotions of distrust, blame, and anger and adoration, need, and a desperation to be seen as he was and still loved. 

~But it’d be a brutal cycle because he’s not the delusional type. Sometimes he could be, both with the good and the bad, but those would be kind of episodic. There’d be bad days where he’d be utterly convinced that you were just like the rest and he’d pick little fights and generally just be pretty pissy. But then sometimes he’d be blinded by love and so caught up in it that even if you told him no, he’d take it with a cheeky wink because of course you loved him and everything was so good. But, mostly, it’d just be a lot of dysfunction and Sylvain trying to lure you into a nice, good relationship with him by being mostly normal and decently charming and even, occasionally, being vulnerable (and tricking you into being vulnerable with him). 

~Anyway, back to the point. With all that context, why not bring a baby into the mix, right?    

~How many times does Sylvain bring up crest babies. Please, someone do a hard count and get back to me because damn son. So, may I just say, if anyone of these three were to have a breeding kink it’d be him. Is that controversial? Just think about it. Every girl ever wants him mystical crest cum, right? So, mentally, the whole thing would have a lot of weight and significance. Also Sylvain just strikes me as the type who’d be self aware enough of his dark and unhealthy needs that staking as intimate of a claim as that would be erotic. Unlike the other two, the act of forcing an irreversible and tangible change in your body and mind would be interesting. Not that he’d tell you any of that, or even dwell on it himself. 

~I’m torn between Sylvain saying it was an accident and him using the argument that since the two of you were in love, it was only natural that you’d start a family together. How could you not want to have his children? Better yet, how was he supposed to know that you wanted to wait. 

~But if you continued to be unreasonable, he’d go on the defensive. Like, what are you going to do? Leave him? For what? To raise his baby on your own? Or, worse, abandon your child? If you thought he’d voiced unfairly negative opinions about women before, the way he’d talk about a mother who abandoned her child and such a good, happy life with a loving husband would be infinitely worse. After all, he wanted to make a change in your relationship and be happy together. He wanted to be a good, loving father. He wanted a family with you. After everything, what kind of person would you be to throw that all away?

~So that’s... a lot. 

~But Sylvain’s the type to be awful in the moment then regret it after the heat dies down. Knowing he’d hurt you would genuinely tear him up inside. All of that adoration and desperation to keep you with him because he’d feel like he needed you to be happy would kick in and he’d break down under the guilt and tell you how much he loved you, how happy it made him to think that the two of you could have a family, that he knew you would be a great mother, that he knew he’d messed up but he would make it up to you, that you really could be a happy family. 

~Just saying, I can see him taking a perverse sort of pleasure in the physical effects of pregnancy. Also, he’d definitely be a lot softer with you. Guilty conscience, anyone?

Dimitri (Dimi) (Jimmy)

~You, dear anon, said it better than I could have myself. I agree SO HARD that Dimitri would be terrified of being a parent, but at the same time I think, if it were to happen, he’d be utterly enamored with the idea. There’s a lot more that I think about how he’d regard fatherhood, but that’s the gist. 

~Funny thing is, darker Dimitri is just like... More needy... unbearably protective... Paranoid... less stable... bad at managing his emotions when it comes to you... But, like, the same general emotions about fatherhood would apply because that’s already pretty complex. Only, this time, with an obvious emphasis on how it would effect you and your relationship. 

~I was going to say that I can’t see Dimitri purposefully impregnating you, but that’s not entirely true. In a fit where he’s feeling especially raw and paranoid, I think he would do it very purposefully and even almost-kinda-sorta relish in the idea. 

~I view his obsessive feelings to be like an itch he can’t quite scratch because he knows better than anybody how easy it would be to lose you and doesn’t know how to manage both his own instability with the unpredictable world because at any moment it could all spiral apart. 

~So, this in mind, he could believe that having a baby would make things different. More than just vows or words or rings or anything, it would be a concrete and absolute tie between the two of you. He would have an unquestionable claim over you that would go beyond the scope of just your relationship, you’d be carrying the royal heir which would give Dimitri even further valid excuses to be suffocatingly overprotective.

~It would be... So messy... On the one hand, I think the concept of fatherhood, of being given another chance, of being needed that much more by both you and the child, would really appeal to him. It could even sand off some of the rougher edges of his darker traits, now that he had this assured security in keeping you with him. Sure, the itch wouldn’t be scratched entirely, but it would be easier to ignore, there would be a solid way to reassure himself that you were his.   

~But Dimitri’s got this awful middle ground of self awareness. Anything that would come off delusion would be a result of his endless attempts at rationalizing his unhealthy feelings and trying to make sense of it all without having to actually confront the issues. But that wouldn’t mean he wouldn’t know, on some level, that what he was doing wasn’t healthy and how bad it was for you. The guilt would be intense, which would be apart of the reason he needed to keep you so close all the time because then he could pretend that you needed him just as badly, that everything was all right because he could take care of you better than anyone else. 

~Dimitri’s self aware guilt would allow a part of himself to understand that he should let you go. He could even, on the bad days, convince himself that maybe, one day, he would allow you to leave him because he loved you, because what he was doing was wrong. As long as you were near him, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself, he would always hurt you. 

~But using pregnancy to force you to stay with him would, perhaps even in an intentional subconscious way, cut off that last-ditch contingency to ease his own guilt and pain of what he was doing by keeping you with him. Now that you were going to be having his child, the royal heir, would mean that you could never leave. He’d know it. You would probably know it, too. 

~After that point, Dimitri would double down with proving his affection, proving that he was capable of taking care of you and his child and that you could be a family and everything would be okay. 

[tenroseforeverandever]

A Bottle of Bubbly

Characters: Ninth Doctor; Rose Tyler

Tags: Human AU; New Year’s; meet-cute; fluff; hurt/comfort;mentions of cheating; non-graphic mentions of war; drinking; strong language

Notes: Well, here I am again… fashionably late, as usual, an entry for the 31 Days of Ficmas. I wrote just two stories for Ficmas this year, and while I used multiple prompts for each, ironically, the Day 1 prompt, Snowed In, and the Day 31 prompt, New Beginnings, were the forces chiefly driving the muse for my first and second (last!) story, respectively.  

The inspiration for this story was a random prompt I found online somewhere (I don’t even remember the exact wording…) The @doctorroseprompts  prompt from the 31 Days of Ficmas, New Beginnings, was also inspiration for both main characters, although the words aren’t specifically stated in the text. But the spirit of them is strong and a guiding theme throughout the story. I also used the Ficmas prompts shopping and countdown, and the Winter Fic Bingo prompt night. 

As always, my love and gratitude to my wonderful betas, @rose--nebula and mrsbertucci. Thank-you for making me better. I’m an eternal fiddler, so I fiddled with this since they saw it… but all mistakes are mine anyway!

Summary: Rose made directly for the liquor aisle, determined that what she really wanted to bring in the New Year was a bottle of bubbly. The shop was nearly deserted, except for the unlucky few employees who had drawn the short straw for the night’s graveyard shift, so she was shocked to find another customer in the liquor aisle, standing in front of the wine shelves, his hand around the neck of the very last bottle of sparkling wine.

Read also on AO3

A Bottle of Bubbly

Rose Tyler staggered out into the night. The pub door swung shut behind her, silencing the raucous shouts and cheers and endless chatter. As she stood on the doorstep, the bubble of silence clung around her like a hug, before dissipating into the city, replaced by the steady rumble of traffic. She took a deep breath, letting the cold air fill her lungs and clear the spinning of her head.

She was alone.

New Years-fucking-Eve and she was alone. Not exactly how she had planned her evening to go, but she swore to herself, it was the last bloody time, Jimmy Stone, her cheating ex-boyfriend, would ever get another chance to ruin her life.

But Rose didn’t want to think about him right now. He was now officially part of her past and could rot in hell for all she cared. What she did want to think about was enjoying the rest of the night and bringing in the New Year properly plastered. She’d already made a decent start of it with a couple glasses of wine and a few shots. She supposed she could try out a few different spots (far away from Jimmy-the-Wanker), and do a regular old pub crawl, solo-style. Dressed to kill, she reckoned she’d never be without a drink in hand and would probably have no trouble finding a bloke to pull. 

A car whizzed by, drunken twats hanging out the passenger windows, catcalling at her, spouting some shite about having her “seeing fireworks all night long.” She tugged her coat tighter around herself and sighed. On second thought, shagging complete strangers wasn’t really her thing. Maybe she could meet up with Mickey, instead, at the local near the Estate. With a little coaxing, he might take her home for a cheeky shag to bring in the New Year. It wouldn’t exactly be fireworks, but it would be safe and familiar. And she wouldn’t be alone. Mickey had never been able to say no to her.

But then – she sighed, and her shoulders sagged – she’d have to explain herself, answer all his nosy questions, admit things she’d rather keep to herself for now. Everyone would know, soon enough. No doubt the Estate would be rife with the gossip of her falling-out with Jimmy by daybreak. Besides, she’d be taking Mickey away from Trisha Delaney. That wasn’t fair, doing to Trisha exactly what had just been done to her.

“For fuck’s sake,” she snorted as she stumbled onto the pavement, her head woozy with drink, “I’m worried about hurting Trisha Delaney’s feelings. The stupid cow! Clearly, I’m thinkin’ too bloody hard about this. More to the point, I’m able to think too bloody hard about this. And I’m talking to myself… Blimey, I need another drink.”

Setting out on her quest for another pub (just for drinks, no pulling, she reminded herself), she tottered down the street, swaying precariously on her too-high heels, tugging down her too-short dress as the bitter wind bit through the too-sheer fabric of her tights. This was rubbish, hopping from pub to pub. All she really wanted was something strong to drink, her warm flat, and her telly. She’d be alone, but she’d be warm and, with any luck, thoroughly pissed long before midnight.

Decision made, she hopped on the nearest bus, and half an hour later, with the effects of her earlier drinks lamentably wearing off, she trotted into the 24-hour Tesco, close to the Estate. She made directly for the liquor aisle, determined that what she really wanted to bring in the New Year was a bottle of bubbly.

The shop was nearly deserted, except for the unlucky few employees who had drawn the short straw for the night’s graveyard shift, so she was shocked to find another customer in the liquor aisle, standing in front of the wine shelves, his hand around the neck of the very last bottle of sparkling wine.

“Oi! That’s my bottle, mate!”

The man turned to her, his brow knit quizzically above his aquiline nose. “Excuse me?” he challenged in a strong Manc accent.

“That’s my bottle,” she reiterated.

“No,” he placed the bottle into his shopping basket with a tight-lipped smile, “it’s not.” Without another word, he turned his back to her and walked away up the aisle with long strides.

“Fuck,” Rose muttered through gritted teeth and rushed after his receding form. “Oi, Mister! Mister!” She caught up with him just as he reached the end of the aisle and she tugged on the battered leather sleeve of his jacket.

He swung around, rolling his eyes at the sight of her. “Oh, it’s you again!”

“Yup, jus’ me. Hello! The owner of that bottle of fizz.” She sidled up to him and flashed him what she hoped was a winning smile. She even poked her tongue between her teeth. That always had blokes dribbling on their shirts.

Much to Rose’s disappointment, the man remained unmoved, stony-faced as ever. Then with a snort, he turned and walked away from her once more.

“Oi! Mister!” she yelped, scurrying to catch up to him again. “You can’t jus’ go swannin’ off like that…”

He didn’t even break his stride. “Yes, I can. ‘Ere I am. This is me, swannin’ off.” He gave the shopping basket a defiant little shake.

Rose knew she should just give it up at this point, go back to the liquor aisle and find something different to drink, but she was determined to have that wine. After having had her night ruined, she reckoned she deserved to have something special. “Hey, Mister! C’mon! You can’t just walk away. That’s not fair. Mister! Mist– Oooph!” She nearly crashed into him when he suddenly stopped in front of her.

He spun around and glared at her. “Seems fair enough to me. W’at isn’ fair is you not lettin’ me do my shoppin’ in peace. Now, scram!”

Rose held her ground, meeting his gaze. He was a striking figure, quite a bit older than she, dark and brooding, his features unconventionally handsome below his military haircut. She should have been intimidated, but instead she found herself getting lost in the blue of his eyes as they flashed down at her.

She crossed her arms over her chest. “I could call security, ya know! Tell them you took it from me. So, it’s your choice. Hand it over, or I’ll start screamin’ for help.”

He scoffed. “Is that supposed to sound tough?”

“Sort of.”

He called her bluff, “Doesn’t work,” and started walking again, but this time she tripped along by his side. She wasn’t going to let him go, not while he still had that bottle.

“Mister… I need that wine! If you knew what I’ve been through tonight…”

“You need to leave me alone. Looks to me like you’ve ‘ad quite enough to drink already.”

“C’mon, Mister. Please.”

“No! An’ it’s Doctor.”

Rose quirked an eyebrow at him.

“You keep calling me ‘Mister’. If you’re so set on using honorifics, you’d better use the right one. I go by Doctor.”

“Doctor? Is that supposed to sound impressive?”

“Sort of, yeah.”

“If you’re a doctor, how comes you’re shoppin’ at a 24-hour Tesco… in Peckham?”

“I live ‘ere. Jus’ ‘round the corner.” He stopped at the deli counter and tossed some packages of sandwich meats and some cheese into his basket.

“What? On the estate? You must be new. I haven’ seen you ‘round ‘ere before.”

“That’s ‘cause I jus’ moved in this afternoon, me, and I’m having this champagne (or whatever the hell it is) to celebrate.”

“Blimey, don’t think we’ve ever had a doctor livin’ on the estate, before.” Rose narrowed her eyes and cocked her head at him, curious. “W’at’s a doctor doin’ livin’ ‘ere anyway?”

He didn’t speak, just stared at her with eyes cold as ice, and his jaw set and tense, and Rose bit her lip, wishing she could take back her brazen words. It was none of her business why anyone might need council housing.

“Erm... Doctor, you’re gonna need some bread to go with that other stuff,” she ventured, attempting to make up for her thoughtlessness, “an’ some milk and tea, maybe some eggs. And a couple cans of beans. Ya can’t go wrong wi’ beans-on-toast.” She linked her arm with his and proceeded to lead him through the shop.

As Rose nattered away to him, he maintained a detached silence, except to offer bewildered grunts to her various queries about the items she heaped into his basket. Finally, as she placed a box of tea on top of the mound, he smirked down at her, and spoke: “I hope you’re not attempting to curry favour so I’ll give up the bubbly.”

“Never gave it a second thought,” she fibbed with a cheeky grin. Honestly, she just wanted to make it up to him for being rude, but she had hoped, maybe…

He pulled the bottle out of the basket to peer at it. “It’s proper British Fizz, you know.”

“Oooh, lovely! Somethin’ a bit posh. Don’t know w’at it’s doin’ here, in a Tesco on the flippin’ estate. Guess they reckoned people wouldn’t be thinkin’ about the cost so much when they’re bringin’ in the New Year.”

“Yeah, gonna cost me an arm and a leg, this is.”

“The price don’t matter to me. Not tonight. I’d be happy to take it off your hands if you’re having second thoughts…”

“Ahem… nope.” He placed it back into the shopping basket. “Worth every penny, this. I have plans for this fizz.”

“Yeah,” Rose muttered, rolling her eyes, “so did I.”

They headed toward the checkout each lost in their own thoughts. “So, what’s your story, then?” he asked after a few moments. “Tell me, what makes you so deserving of this posh beverage on New Year’s Eve?”

Rose shrugged, her problems seeming rather small and distant, now.

“C’mon then. You said earlier, you’d had a rough night of it. So?”

“You sure you wanna hear me rattle on? It’s pathetic, really.”

“I’ve been listenin’ to you rattle on non-stop for the las’ twenty minutes, anyway. So, I’m all ears… and no jokes about these silly things hangin’ off the side of me head.”

“I would never! ‘Sides, there’s nothin’ wrong wi’ them. They suit you.”

He looked unconvinced by her compliment. “Well… out with it then,” he insisted, changing the subject back to Rose as he began to load his groceries onto the checkout counter. “I’m waitin’ on this great tale of woe.”

“Alright, you asked for it.”

“Yes, I did!”

“Okay, so, earlier tonight, I found my tosser of a boyfriend (ex-boyfriend now, by the way, and good bloody riddance!) out back of the pub, gettin’ a leg-over with one of the servers. It was humiliatin’. And you better believe I told him what he could do with his bloody– Well anyway, I ended up slappin’ him (and fuck that felt good!) and walked out. Thought about goin’ to a few other pubs, but I decided I really just wanted to go home, watch the countdown on the New Year’s Eve Fireworks programme, an’ get hammered in peace. I s’pose I jus’ wanted the wine to make me feel a bit more… special.

“And that’s about it. See? Pathetic. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” She wagged her finger at him.

“Oi, not pathetic at all, Miss, erm… Blimey, I don’t even know your name.”

“Since we’re neighbors now, I s’pose I should probably tell ya, yeah? It’s Rose… Rose Tyler.”

“Nice to meet you, Rose. I’m John Smith,” he returned.

“John Smith? That’s it? Pull the other one! John Smith?”

His shoulders stiffened. “Well, if you don’t like it, you can jus’–”

“Nah, nah, nah, it’s fine. It’s nice and, erm… straightforward.” Rose couldn’t help the smile that blossomed over her face at his sudden offence. “It’s jus’ I think from now on you’ll always be the Doctor to me.”

“Fine...” he huffed, shaking his head at her as he paid for his order and gathered his bags. “Anyroad, gettin’ back to your tale: it sounds to me like you’re well shot of that stupid ape boyfriend of yours.”

“Ex-boyfriend. And yeah, Jimmy’s a right arsehole. To be honest, I don’t really feel all that upset about it. Thought I’d be gutted, yeah? But all I can think is that it’s no great loss. Reckon it was a long time comin’; shoulda dumped him ages ago.”

They walked out the doors of the Tesco and headed in the direction of Powell Estate.

She shrugged, adding, “I’m mostly just pissed off that he ruined my plans for New Year’s.”

“Yeah, rightly so!”

They walked in slightly awkward silence for a short time before Rose braved asking the enigmatic Doctor more about himself. “So… you’re a medical doctor, then?”

“Yup. Was a doctor in the military for years. Resigned my commission ‘bout a year back. Figured I’d seen enough…”

Rose glanced up at him, frowning concern at the tenson etched on his face again. “What are your plans now?” she asked, hoping to take him out of whatever unspoken horrors lingered in his past.

“I’ve always planned to start my own practice, me. Thought I could open one right here on the Estate.”

“Blimey, mate, it’s a war zone here too, sometimes.”

He grunted. “All the more reason you need a doctor.”

“Can’t argue wi’ that. We haven’t had a doctor ‘ere for years. The old one jus’ cleared off one day, no notice. He was just gone. His clinic is still there, though, between the chemist and the launderette. No one’s let it. Bet it’s a bargain!”

“You think?” He offered her a smug smile. “Already made arrangements, me.”

“But that’s brilliant!” Rose cheered, grabbing his arm and bouncing up and down. “When do you take possession?”

“Beginnin’ o’ next week,” he said as they strolled into the Powell Estate quad. “But it’ll be a bit before I can get everything set up properly. Plus, I have my flat to sort out. Boxes everywhere.”

“Don’t ya have some mates to help ya out?”

“Nope. There’s no one else. Jus’ me.” His words were blunt, his voice rough with emotion.

Rose watched his Adam’s apple bob heavily and grabbed onto his hand. “W’at happened? Doctor?”

He swallowed again and looked down at their joined hands.  

Rose gripped a little tighter, but he wriggled his hand free of hers, leaving behind an aching emptiness deep in her heart. She ducked her head. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to pry. I jus’… Oh, never mind.”

The strained silence returned for another minute or so as they walked, then he sighed. “Rose, war changes a person. I came back a very different man. I had plans, me. Was goin’ to start a practice as soon as I resigned my commission. Even had a place all set to go in my hometown. But I couldn’t make a go of it. Too much baggage. I haven’t been able to keep a steady job, all this time. And I lost people, good people, because they couldn’t take any more of my shit. My mates, my fiancée. One way or another, they’re all gone, and I can’t say I blame ‘em. That’s who I am, now. I drive everyone away from me.”

Rose’s heart swelled with compassion. “There’s me…”

They paused as they approached the entranceway to Rose’s building, and he shook his head, rolling his eyes at her and offering a guarded smile. “Yeah, you I can’t seem to get rid of.”

“I’m just too good.” She beamed at him, poking her tongue between her teeth again. This time, she noted, his eyes drifted to her mouth.

“No, you’re jus’ too drunk.”

“Uggghh,” she groaned, “I wish. I never got a bottle from the shop, after all.”

Grumbling deep in his throat, he dug in his shopping bag and extracted the bottle of sparkling wine. “There you go. Happy New Year. Take this and go home and celebrate your freedom from that twat. Now, go on, forget me, Rose Tyler.” He pressed the bottle into her hand and turned away, striding off toward the building opposite hers.

Rose watched him go, feeling rather lost. Numbly, she headed toward the staircase of her building, the bottle dangling from her fingers. She had her prize, but somehow it seemed a hollow victory.

She stopped and turned back. The Doctor was halfway across the quad, his figure illuminated by the dim sparkle of fairy lights strung from the balconies above. “Wait, Doctor,” she blurted. When he paused, she wasted no time rushing forward to meet him.

“Thought I told you to forget me,” he growled.

She was undeterred. “I’m not havin’ you sittin’ up in that empty flat by yourself.” Impulsively, she perched up on her toes and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. “Come to mine. Mum won’t be home ‘til tomorrow anyway, and I think we both deserve this bottle of bubbly, wouldn’t ya say? Better with two, yeah.”

“Erm…” He gazed down at her, his gruffness replaced with a sad, gentle smile that teased at the corners of his mouth.

“I’m not on the pull or anything,” she insisted… a little too forcefully. “Blimey!” she laughed, her cheeks burning. “I mean we jus’ met…”

He chuckled too. “And you were trying to steal my bubbly. You’re weren’t off to the best start, anyway, to be honest.”

“Oi!” She grabbed him by his sleeve and tugged him toward her building. “Wait! Hold on,” she paused a few seconds later, sniffing the air, “do you smell chips?”

“Yeah. Yeah.”

“Morrison’s must still be open! I want chips!”

“Me too.”

“And since you brought the bottle, the chips are on me! You’re in for a treat! Best chips on the planet, Morrison’s, an’ they’re right here on the estate. C’mon!”

“All right! Chips it is! And if we’re still hungry later, you can’t go wrong wi’ beans-on-toast.” They both laughed as he held up his bag of shopping. Then he clasped Rose’s hand in his, the gesture warming her to the core. “Lead the way!”

As they walked towards the chippy, Rose leaned her head against John Smith’s shoulder and gave his hand a little squeeze. Her evening, which had started out quite wretched, had completely turned around, and was now looking more promising than she could ever have imagined. Despite his wine-hogging tendencies, she rather thought she was going to enjoy being the Doctor’s neighbor.

“You know what, Doctor,” she grinned up at him, “I bet we’re going to have a really great year!”

[sparkles-and-trash]

South Park Main 5, Headcanons Masterpost  ~

Stan Marsh 

Looks: 

hair is actually nice and somewhat floppy naturally, but because he wears a hat most of the time, it’s usually flat and a little greasy kshdhsd

hair is that blue-ish black color

eyes is piercing ice blue 

skin is light, kind porcelain like, but he also tans really fast?

soft sweaters are the only thing he’ll wear from early autumn to late spring

in summer he’ll literally only wear band shirts and flannels lol 

Personality and General Trivia:

totally cares more for animals than most people let’s be real 

sometimes he struggles with seeing things from others point of view and ha can come across as a little self centered 

he is aware of it tho and tries to be better at it 

his instagram is filled with Sparky haha 

let’s Sparky sleep in his bed every single night even tho Sharon tells him not to 

likes reading and writing, has a tiny obsession with dark themes and Lovecraftian stuff 

he and Kenny volunteers at the local pet shelter and homeless shelter together 

the pet shelter was Stan’s idea, and the homeless shelter was Kenny’s 

wants to be edgy but is really just very soft

“Kyle said...” 

believes everything Kyle tells him lol 

enjoys video games a lot, prefers single player, story based ones tho 

also still enjoys boardgames a lot, and when the big group isn’t up for hit, he, Tweek, Jimmy, Butters and Cartman groups together to nerd it out 

has clinical depression, but is managing it with help of a therapist, his mom and friends

sometimes things gets pretty dark, but he is getting better at reaching out and asking for help in those times 

Friendships:

like I mentioned above, he struggles a bit with seeing things for other’s point of view 

but he is aware of his flaws and is trying to be better

can get a little bit caught up in his own drama, but listens when his friends tells him he needs to get over himself 

will always stand up for his friends, especially if they’re not there to do it themselves 

when he starts getting closer with Butters in early high school he gets really upset when he realizes how much he gets shit-talked 

enjoys spending time with his friends individually, probably the most of the group, and takes initiative to do so a lot 

which is very important to Kenny, since he tends to feel a little overlooked sometimes, and it makes their friendship really strong 

same with Butters, except Butters doesn’t usually doesn’t mind mainly being in a group, but the first few times and Stan hangs out alone it’s obvious he really appreciates it 

Family:

daddy issues 

sorry I don’t make the rules lol 

has a decent relationship with Sharon tho

she’s a good mom 

and he wants to be a good son 

Shelly is still kinda angry and scary

she keeps the “only I can beat you up bro” attitude and there is secretly mutual respect there

but we don’t talk about that!!! 

Ships and relationships:

okay so my main ships for him are stutters (Butters), stenny (Kenny) and Style (Kyle) 

my fav is stutters tho 

I usually head canon him as bi or pan, but as with everyone in SP, I’m open to different interpretations if different Au’s and stories! 

I just really like the idea of them learning to balance facing their issues AND celebrate the good things in life together 

I def think he can be a bit insecure in relationships, struggling with feeling like he’s not enough, and would need a partner that naturally will be affirming and positive 

that’s not to say he’s super needy or clingy, he’s just a bit insecure 

but I really think he would truly be a good partner 

he’s caring, kind and very appreciative 

which is again why I really like him with Butters offh 

Kenny McCormick 

Looks:

sandy blonde hair that’s always messy and floppy/softly curled 

teeth is kind of crooked due to lack of funds for braces 

his front teeth are kinda big and has a significant gap 

lots and lots of freckles man 

all over his face, shoulders, back, hands and arms 

tans fast 

I actually really like him with brown eyes? like, soulful deep brown eyes 

but also very, very clear blue ones, like almost unnatural (yes that’s a mysterious thing) 

medium tall 

wears his hoodies, usually with the hood up, no matter if it’s freezing or a heatwave

not conventionally attractive, but charming looking lol 

likes to wear some eyeliner every now and then

and nail polish, but it’s like super clumsily put on and always chipped

Personality and General Trivia:

falls asleep in class a lot, but always seems to know the answer if the teacher asks him something

also has decent grades

I think he’s way smarter than he gives himself credit for, both socially and school wise 

the therapist of the groups 

actually, the therapist of the whole school 

knows a lot of secrets due to this, but he always, ALWAYS keeps them 

I see him as very friendly and approachable, but terribly hard to get close with

lots and lots of walls, man

very much an observer type? 

quietly stays in the background if that’s an option

but if he is talked too, or feels like he has something to really contribute to in a conversation he’ll jump in and be comfortable talking and taking up space if he is with friends or people he knows 

if not, he’ll just stay in the background with that.... look on his face that just makes you know he knows more than he says 

works at Tweek’s parents coffee shop, is kinda close with Tweek because of this 

zones out a lot 

“…what?” 

can fall asleep anywhere

Friendships:

is pretty close friends with Butters! 

Butters used to have a little crush on him, but Kenny didn’t find out until years later lol 

he also has a lot of patience with Cartman compared to the others

which is why Cartman actually cares when Kenny sets him in his place 

likes learning new things, and does that with Kyle a lot! 

both school and homework stuff, and things like cooking and other homey stuff, the two of them really bond with this 

him and Stan volunteer together, and I already mentioned, and that time means a lot to Kenny 

since he works with Tweek, the two of them are pretty close and good friends 

is the one of the main boys who gets along the best with Craig and those guys

actually hangs out with them from time to time, so does Butters

it low-key drives the others crazy

Family:

I often like to think his parents would keep having these bursts where they try to get their shit together? 

and it’s slow, and one step back and two backwards, but the fact that they’re trying at all means a lot to the kids after years of them... not 

I can also see Kevin stepping up and taking more charge, Kevin get’s way too little love in this fandom! 

Kenny usually never fights with his sibs

but when he does it’s with Karen, usually because he’s worried about her and it’s nor pretty

none of them can stay mad at each other for long tho

Kevin trying to be all “big brother” and kinda failing because he is chaotic, but he really wants to do right and Karen and Kenny knows that and appreciates it 

Ships and relationships:

ohhh kay here we go, unpopular opinions ahead! 

first, my main Kenny ships are Tokenny (Token x Kenny) and Stenny 

rn Tokenny is my main, I love the potential dynamics, both with their personalties and backgrounds and families 

I tend to head canon him as pan or bisexual, and demiromatic 

I know the demiromantic part is... controversial, at best 

but hear me out! 

I see him being very comfortable with discussing sexual stuff, and being attracted to someone physically is never something he feels awkward or bad about 

but when it comes to more emotional connections, he is way more awkward and fumbling 

for those who doesn’t know, a demiromatic person (like myself! surprise!) won’t have crushes or romantic feelings for someone they don’t already have some form of emotional bond with! We can still feel sexual attraction tho, and some of us are comfortable with casual sexual encounters (like me!) and others are not, and both are very valid! 

I usually have two ways of writing him 

either him being comfortable having casual sexual interactions, but struggling with the romantic aspect and having to figure out how this works for him 

OR 

him having some trauma related to debating sexually very early, thinking he was all ready and it was just sex, but getting his emotions caught up in it and being very heartbroken and confused, and therefore having issues with being intimate with people for a while 

I mix them up depending on the story, but the first one is usually my go-to! 

Kyle Broflovski 

Looks:

he still covers his hair a lot, either with hats or hoods? 

because I really see him being insecure about it 

it’s a medium sort of red, and like, really curly and fluffy 

not frizzy, big like... big 

I usually give him green eyes, but I also could see him with a light brown or hazel! 

some light freckles on his face that only really shows up if he’s spent time in the sun 

pretty tall, kind of lanky 

d i m p l e s 

Personality and General Trivia:

big nerd energy

in every way, board games, video games, loves school, like genuinely, enjoys studying for tests, loves fantasy books, the longer and more complicated the better 

co-captain of the debate team with Wendy 

is good with arguments unless he gets too passionate on the subject, or if someone knows his weak points and uses them to tick him off

it’s usually Cartman  

his mom wants him to go to an Ivy League but honestly he just wants to go to the same one in Denver as Stan, Butters and Cartman are planning on, and now that Kenny is also considering it he seriously think he’ll die if all his friends go to the same college without him

he struggles with FOMO, which is kind of an issue since he’s a busy guy, and some of his friends are not lol 

if any one of these kids become a jock, it’s def Kyle with his basketball change my mind- 

but not like, a letterman wearing fuckboy type of jock, but like, is obsessed with his sport and his team and works really hard to do well type of jock

Friendships:

very loyal 

he and Stan walks Sparky together at least twice a week, just to be sure they’re always caught up with each other even when they’re busy with school, sports and dating

yeah they’re still super best friends 

when they started high school he got closer to Wendy as she’s also on the debate team, in all of his AP classes and they share a lot of the same interests  

they’re still good friends, but nothing more

the first time Cartman got really drunk was at a party freshman year, and at the time everyone was pretty fed up with him, and he ended up crying and Kyle found him, and Cartman thinks Kyle doesn’t remember, but he does 

that was the first night Kyle really kinda understood why Cartman was the way he was, and even though he still thinks he’s a dick at times, he tries to remember everyone have a story, and to give people time 

but he often gets too riled up to remember that lol 

good pals with Jimmy, they share a lot of interests in fantasy stuff and have the same humor 

he also start to go along well with Craig when they are around middle school age, but they’re both kinda too stubborn to admit they’re friends until a year later lol  

Family:

even tho Sheila is pretty overbearing and can be too much, he is a mommy’s boy deep down 

tense relationship with his dad 

enjoys cooking, so that’s where he spends a lot of time with his mom! 

tries his best to keep up with Ike and his life

sometimes he is a tad cringy when doing so, but Ike appreciates the gesture 

Ike is pretty confident and strong in himself so he doesn’t care if Kyle is a bit awkward lol 

the type of brothers who genuinely enjoys spending time together 

Ships and relationships:

I like Style, Kyman, K2 and Kyvid! 

I think he’d be a late bloomer when it comes to love and dating

struggles with opening up and letting himself feel these things 

I often think of him as biromantic asexual, but I’m not always set on it! 

he’d enjoy traditional dinner and a movie type of dates a lot, such a nerd 

Eric Cartman 

Looks:

keeps his hair cut pretty short and styled

has heterochromia iridium (different colored eyes), one blue and one brown

also he has a real nice smile when it’s a genuine one

which is rare but like 

it happens 

is kinda insecure about his weight and tries to compensate with always having the newest stuff and pretending not to care

sometimes tries to diet in secret

he isn’t huge anymore, but is still sort of broad, and isn’t skinny, but like..

kinda bulky, if he wears the right type of clothes it’s hard to see if he’s chubby or buff

but he is def chubby 

Personality and General Trivia:

spends way to much time on reddit arguing with randoms

angry gamer, will call you a slur on voice chat 

after almost getting dropped by his friends in middle school he tries a little harder to be a more decent person

still an asshole at heart, but like, an asshole who sometimes cares about some people 

always tells people that’s he’s seen that meme before, even when he hasn’t 

nothing is ever his fault and the only ones who can get him to admit he’s wrong are Kenny and, very, very rarely, Kyle

he wears supreme hoodies for a full year of High School and stands in line all night for the new ones and never shuts up about how he is the first in South Park to have the new stuff 

Kenny finds it hilarious to buy the fake supreme stickers and put then on his own worn out hoodies

Kyle makes it his main goal in life to put things (everything from used gym socks to old food he finds in his locker) in Cartmans hoods and see how long it takes for him to notice 

can’t handle alcohol, is constantly being teased for it

sloppy drunk lol 

one of the main reasons the other bothers with Cartman trough middle school, when he is at his worst, is because of his big basement, the old Coon Lair, who got a big renovation around 7th grade and is an awesome, private hangout spot with a big TV and wifi and gaming systems

Friendships:

constantly says he hates his friends but would die if everyone left him 

is secretly terribly jealous of Kyle, both his closeness to Stan, his basketball skills, his grades and his family

but they had that thing in Freshman year when Kyle found him drunk, alone and sad, and Cartman himself barely remembers it, and doesn’t think Kyle does because he never mentioned it 

but he does

so much tension there, but also co-dependency 

sees Kenny and Butters as his best friends, and knows deep down neither of them feel that way about him and it secretly kills him 

is in the same board game group with Stan 

is low-key terrified of Tweek lol 

Family:

big mommy issues 

but also very protective of her

I really enjoy the AU/headcanon that Liane marries Clyde’s dad 

it’s not like, the only version I like, but I put it in as many au’s and works of mine as I can 

I def think both boys would be mortified right away 

but Clyde comes around first, because he really wants a brother, even if that brother have to be Cartman 

Cartman would never admit it, but after some time he really starts to see Clyde as a brother and genuinely cares for him 

Ships and relationships:

I mainly see Cartman as gay 

sometimes I start of AU’s and stories with him not being out to himself or anyone else tho, I think that whole journey for him will be very interesting and help him grow as a person 

I def think he’d have a few girlfriends before he comes out tho? 

he can be very charming when he wants too yanno 

my only Cartman ship is kyman atm, but I’m def open to explore more of

Leopold Butters Stotch 

Looks:

I really really really like T A L L Butters??? 

like tall and gangly and adorable 

I know it’s very popular to head canon that he bleaches his hair, but I like to think he has very light blond air naturally! 

keeps it short on the sides and longer on top, with cute ass curls 

soft sky blue eyes 

also dyes his bangs light blue in high school!! 

Pete the goth helps him because he is a pro of dying bangs 

I like to think he’d be into pastel grunge, and keep his love for Hello Kitty and Sanrio etc, but still be a bit more... edgy? 

Personality and General Trivia:

one of those people who’s friendly with almost everyone

but that doesn’t mean he’s friends with them, yanno? 

gets drunk from one wine cooler 

loves the theater and is in the drama club, but likes to be behind the stage, not on it 

wants to be a director one day 

watches Netflix on his phone every single time he has any time to spare, because he’s always binging a show

is usually pretty positive and kind, gives people the benefit of the doubt 

but can be very stubborn, and if he has decided he dislikes or doesn’t trust someone, it’s almost impossible to change his mind 

Friendships:

Butters put up with Cartman for so long because he genuinely thinks he can be fun when he’s not horrible, and he really tries his best to believe in people

he was also the first one to forgive him after the others cut him off 

a very loyal and fun friend

takes a lot of initiative to do stuff, and loves hosting movie nights 

thinks of these boys as his closest friends, but is also real close to Wendy, Bebe, Jimmy and Tweek

Family:

I just hate Stephen so much you guys

so tbh I usually like to just... have Linda leave him, or straight up kill him off oops 

I know Linda is terrible too, I do, but I think she could possibly have a moment of realization if something happens like Butters potentially being taken away? 

idk I’m not gonna go too deep into this, I know it’s such a heavy topic and I don’t wanna seem like I just ignore it, but I personally don’t usually include Stephen directly in my stories, and this is why, I hope y’all understand and respect that! 

Ships and relationships:

my main Butters ship is Stutters (Stan x Butters) 

I mentioned a lot why in Stan’s headcanons? 

but idk, I just really think they’d balance each other well, and could have a very interesting and cute relationship! 

I usually headcanons him as pan or gay, and genderqueer, but I’m open for other interpretations too! 

he does date a little bit, but have never been in a real relationship and isn’t stressing about it! 

he did have a pretty huge crush on (a very unaware) Kenny during middle school, but then they started hanging out a lot more and became really close and Butters didn’t really bring it much thought?

that’s until Cartman gets jealous and throws out a “what are you guys dating and fucking and being gay huh???” and Butters mind immediately goes to “omg ew no he’s like my brother!” 

aaand that’s how Butters realized he was over his crush 

they two of them stay close friends tho, Kenny makes Butters laugh and helps him be more sure of himself and Butters helps Kenny remember that they’re still just kids and should have fun and be good

[summonerscenarios]

I think I found a new way to worry the teachers!(and the summoners too) What if Mc was going to be late, and decided that scaling the building and going in through the window was a better idea then just accepting the tarty?

ASDFGHJKL okay so I MAY have gotten a tiny bit carried away with this one but the idea was just way too hilarious to not immediately write up. Also as someone who’s pulled a similarly ridiculous stunt to avoid being late this brought back waaay too many memories.

So here ya go hun~! one of many ways to concern your teachers and classmates about your well being!

------

Mr. Mononobe

Mr. Mononobe really isn’t as strict about students being a few minutes late to class, so you’re pretty sure that if you had made the desperate dash from the school entrance to the classroom you would have made it with just a couple seconds to spare. But when you were passing by the your classroom and looked up to see the window open wide enough to fit through your immediate plan changed from a mad dash to “yeah, I can make that”

Mononobe himself was actually just about to start the class when he heard Moritaka scream and fall, turning around just in time to see the canis therian toppled over his chair at the window and seeing you only just come up into view, one arm hooked over the windowsill and the other using the frame to keep yourself balanced. There have been many students who have tried all manners of unconventional means to cut time and get to class by the bell (both successful and unsuccessful), but Mononobe’s pretty sure that scaling up the school’s building is a new one for his teaching career.

The two of you lock eyes and he expects to hear some form of excuse or explanation for your...abrupt manner of entering the classroom, but he honestly has to stop himself from laughing when you huff out “Am I late?”. He comes over to help Moritaka and Kengo pull you up into the classroom rather than tempt fate and let you hang out of the classroom window for the next few minutes, and your expression lights up when you find out that you’re in fact bang on time. However that joy doesn’t last for very long when he has to let you know that you’ll be staying behind after class to talk about it. 

True to his word Mononobe catches you before you’re able to sneak out with the class to get away and he does the whole ‘lean/barely sit on the edge of his to have the teacher talk™️’ asking you to come sit down so he can have a word with you. He tells you that while it’s impressive that you were able to climb up as quickly as you did it was still a reckless decision. Sure it turned out fortunate this time but there’s a chance that the next time you might not be so lucky and end up losing your grip; he doesn’t want you putting yourself in danger and admits that he’d be happy to give a bit more leeway on being late if it means he’ll have no more students risking making daring entries through the school windows. 

Mr. Triton

Out of all the teachers Mr. Triton is the firmest in regards to adhering to the rules - so there’s probably more of a pressure to get in on time to avoid getting an earful about the advantages of being prompt and the disadvantages of missing out on precious lesson time. The window was closed but you’d been able to nab the attention of one of your classmates passing by it and as soon as they were able to jimmy it open and they let you know that Mr. Triton had stepped out to catch the last of the students you knew what to do. 

You’d taken a running jump to give you a headstart on the climb, and by the time you were over halfway up the number of students silently cheering you on was growing, egging you on to make it whilst others kept an eye on the doorway to make sure that Triton wasn’t coming back yet. You’d just about gotten to the windowsill when the student who opened the window and a feline therian reached out to help you in the rest of the way, making the last stretch of the climb a breeze. For a moment you hoisted yourself to rest on the windowsill, heart still pounding in your ears from the adrenaline rush and trying to catch your breath as you check the clock. A minute before the bell - holy shit you’d actually made it. The other students around you seemed to share in your excitement (or they were more shocked that you’d actually made it) and honestly this stunt couldn’t have gone off better.

Then Mr. Triton walks through the door. 

He’s halfway through talking with another student about nearly missing the beginning of class when he notices you hiked over the windowsill, surrounded by students deciding between staying in place or trying to slip back into their seat to feign ignorance. His mouth drops open and he genuinely looks lost for words, and honestly with the expression on his face you wonder if it’s too late to just take the fall and topple back out the window. Of course you don’t get the chance, and at least you get the heat off of the student he was last talking to so they’re able to slink away while Triton’s attention is focused on you. The students that helped you up stick around long enough to pull you in the rest of the way and get you on your feet before splitting to avoid the brunt of Mr. Triton’s impending speech, but fortunately for the class (and unfortunately for you) he chooses to save it for after class when the ring of the bell signals for the lesson to start.

Naturally you get an earful from Triton about irresponsibility for your own well being after class, but really you can tell that he was just terrified seeing his student half-hanging out of the window with such a steep drop below them. I mean all it took was you leaning back a bit too far or getting startled by something and the fall would have most definitely broken some bones or worse-. Just do the poor man a favor and take the tardy please I don’t think his heart could take these continued tricks. Of course he has to let Mr. Mononobe know of the situation as well, and the classes end up with a long lecture courtesy of Mr. Triton about the dangers of ‘cutting corners’ for the sake of not being late.

Mr. Jinn

Jinn’s pretty lax about late rules, so long as you’ve got a decent enough excuse and are apologetic about being late he really doesn’t mind letting it slide. It’s because of this that you’d have to be cutting things ridiculously close in order to even consider risking the climb, as in you were on the ground floor and had barely a few minutes left when you’d spot a classmate opening the window before taking their seat. As soon as the window’s open there’s a light bulb moment and before you know it you’re using the window frames or the other classrooms to help haul yourself up, no doubt scaring the life out of anyone fortunate enough to be looking out of the window at the time. (hell you even had time to wave to Choji’s food tech club on the way up, which definitely got you a surprise visit from the cook later to find out just what you’d been doing.)

The teacher had only turned away from the class for a moment to close the door and get started on the lesson, and suddenly there’s an out-roar in the class and then he spins back around to see you hop right through the window like it’s nothing, noticeably out of breath but no worse for wear. He’s so baffled when you flash him a grin and thumbs up with a relieved “Hey I made it!” that you’re already at your desk and sat down by the time he finds his voice to ask what the hell you just did. 

Surely you didn’t just scale the building and climb into the class just because you didn’t want to miss the bell right? ...Right??!! But with the way that the class is awash with excitable chatter and pretty much every single eye in the classroom is trained on you and your desk specifically leaves little room for doubt when there’s a class full of witnesses to your anti-late game plan. Jinn has to momentarily switch his focus to calming to students down and by the time everyone is finally settled down the lesson’s already supposed to be well under way, so he has to settle for bringing it up to you later on (though he does intentionally close the windows as he’s got a small inkling that you might try the same method at the end of the lesson for your escape if he’s not careful about it.) 

Jinn’s not the go-to man for dishing out intense lectures like Mr. Triton and Mr. Mononobe can, so his talk with you is more of a heart to heart about what you were thinking and why climbing up the school building isn’t a good idea regardless of how fit you are. He wants to make sure that you’re not pushing the limits of your safety just to make attendance and that you understand that he’s not going to give you an earful about it just because it took a few more minutes to climb the stairs y’know!

Shiro

Usually you guys all head to class around the same time so whenever one of the Summoners is running late you can trust Shiro to find out where they are and get them into class before the bell rings - he’s definitely saved Kengo’s, Ryota’s and your hide numerous times from being late. It’s because of this that it’s unusual when you tell him not to wait up for you, but he takes your word for it because surely you aren’t going to be that late getting to class right?

Well cut to three minutes before class is supposed to start and you’re still not there. Ryota mentions something about you maybe being sick and deciding not to come to the lesson and both as the class rep and your friend he wonders if you’ve let the teachers know. He’s about to go up and ask when he catches a knocking sound from over by the window that’s just loud enough to catch his attention, and when he turns to the source of the noise he just about jokes on his own shock seeing that oh god you’re waving at him from the other side of the window. Of course him and about three other classmates are up immediately to get the window open so you can climb in and he’s relieved to finally have you out of harm's way, breathing a sigh of relief when the window finally clicks shut.

Luckily enough the teacher lets you sit down without much of a fuss besides a stern warning and being kept back after class and so you take the open seat next to him. Normally Shiro’s focused on the lesson but given the circumstances he’s shooting you looks the whole time, even leaning over at one point to whisper/question you about being late.

“What were you thinking?!”  “What? It’s not that high!”  “It’s the second floor!!”

Your meeting with the teacher doesn’t last for long but Shiro’s already waiting for you with a look of exasperation that makes you feel as though you’re walking right out of one lecture and into another. Being team mom second in command of the Summoners he’s concerned to see their Guildmaster acting recklessly (not that you don’t usually but more so than usual) and of course he’s going to worry over you, almost begging you to please not try something like that again. Needless to say he becomes more vigilant about walking with you to school to make sure you don’t have to pull anymore late acrobatic endeavors.

Kengo

Kengo’s been late to class plenty of times (most of the times being complete accidents he swears) and so he doesn’t understand why Shiro’s getting so wound up about you not showing up yet, telling him not to sweat about it cause you’ll get here one way or another. He fully expects you to come barreling through the door at the last moment, with some kind of excuse about why you were late and then just sitting down and that being the end of it.

What he doesn’t expect is to hear your muffled voice calling his name from his seat by the window and when he opens it and leans out to check sure enough you’re there waving at him from the ground floor. Your demeanor perks up once you see his face and he’s wondering what you’re doing just standing there instead of making a dash for the inside of the building - maybe you want him to pass on that you’re not gonna be able to make it? Or are you letting him know that you’re gonna be skipping class? Do you even know that you’re gonna be late. So he calls down to you:

“Hey, partner! hurry it up the class’ starting!” “I got it! Thanks, Kengo!” “Hu-?”

It’s then that you start your climb and - holy shit you’re scaling the school building! Sure a part of him is worried that they’re gonna fall but honestly this is so entertaining that he can’t look away. And of course what partner would he be if he doesn’t cheer you on while you do it, which catches the other Summoners attention and honestly the following outcry is really something to behold. Kengo helps to hoist you up the rest of the way, keeping a firm grip on your hand and side while you’re steadying yourself and it’s about then that the class seems to realize that the teacher is right there and definitely saw everything and let’s just say he’s wishing you luck in that verbal lashing.

He does bring it up later nonchalantly, telling you that it was cool seeing you climb the wall so fast, but honestly it was a pretty crazy stunt to pull off all over being late. When you call him out saying that he can’t talk with the kind of stuff that he’s pulled trying to get out of after school classes and detentions he gets defensive but that quickly dissolves into laughter and it only really gets brought up again as a joke.

Ryota

Ryota likes walking to classes with the rest of the Summoners since they all get to talk and catch up before classes start, so he wonders if everything’s okay when you’re not there with them upon entering the classroom. He doesn’t necessarily worry about it as there’s plenty of reasons why you aren’t there yet - like you got caught up talking with another student or had to run an errand or even just sleeping in! Although the closer that it gets to the bell ringing and the teacher taking roll call Ryota begins to worry.

He worries that maybe you were sick and weren’t coming in because of it? It would make sense and Ryota actually starts convincing himself that’s what’s up when he hears a student gasp and open the window, leaning out of it and yelling down “Hey what are you doing?!” to someone below. He’s confused but a gut feeling gets him out of his chair and joins in on the steadily growing window crowd, taking a peek at where they were looking at right as your head popped into view. Just about everyone jumps back in varying degrees of surprise and though Ryota wants to step in to help you two other students take the initiative to grab onto your hands and pull you up and over into safety.

The teacher intervenes in the situation before Ryota can check in on you though he notices that you look way more relieved about not being late than you were worried about the potential earful that you’re inevitably going to get. And sure enough that’s exactly what happens, though most of the lecture is saved for later in favor of getting you back to your seat and trying to return the class to normal. 

Since you’re able to sit close to Ryota the two of you end up talking throughout the majority of the class because of course his mind is going a mile a minute with worry because you could have seriously fallen and gotten hurt, like really hurt and that would be outside of an app battle too so the damage would stay! Even after the class is over he gives you a concerned once over just to put his mind at ease about it, visibly relaxing once he can see for himself that you’re fine, and after that is when the two of you can actually joke about the absurdity of the situation and Ryota jokes that he’d never be able to pull that off when you talk about it.

Toji

Toji notices your absence in the class pretty quickly once he first arrives - you’re always the centre of at least some kind of attention (both willingly and unwillingly) so the class is noticeably quieter aside from the usual chatter between classmates as a result. He doesn’t give it much heed however and just settles in his seat and waits for classes to start, occasionally letting his eyes dart between the clock and the door the closer that it gets to roll call.

It’s clear that you won’t be making it to the lesson on time and that’s when he hears the sound at the window. It sounded like a knock, but naturally it wouldn’t be given how high up the classroom is from the ground right? Certainly not. He’s thinking this as he glances at the window...and then does a double take when he spots your pressed against the window, one hand clutching the frame and the other waving excitedly one you notice that he’s spotted you. He honestly can’t believe what he’s seeing because of course he’s seen (and had to intervene on) you doing ridiculous things too many times to count on both hands, but surely you aren’t waving at him through a window on the second floor???

And then he hears you calling his name through the glass and he immediately has to turn his head away because all the students surrounding him immediately catch on and with how many eyes are burning into his back he’s several seconds away from praying for the ground to open up and take him. Luckily someone gets to the window first and opens it up enough for you to slip inside before you end up falling, but that doesn’t stop you from avoiding the teacher’s attention given that your entry wasn’t exactly the most inconspicuous.

Similar to Shiro, Toji’s got a few choice words about your irresponsibility climbing up the side of the damn building and how your recklessness could have gotten you seriously hurt if you hadn’t been as lucky as you were. Whether you choose to wave off his concerns or take them to heart is up to you but he finishes his talk with an exasperated sigh before telling you that if you’re so worried about being late that you’ll go to such lengths then to just give him a call - after all he’d rather take on the responsibility of helping you get to class on time than the potential visit to the nurses office if you end up getting hurt.

Moritaka 

Moritaka had heard Ryota and Shiro talking about your absence in the class on the way in and naturally assumed that you’re feeling under the weather and that’s why you can’t make it in.

He’d opened up the window to let the air into the classroom since it was getting rather humid and honestly didn’t think too much about it as he prepares for the lesson. He hears some commotion from outside however he naturally assumes that it’s some students on their way to another class and doesn’t even bother to look outside to look. Of course Moritaka doesn’t have to when he suddenly hears shuffling coming from right next to him and he turns in his seat only to find himself nose to nose with you halfway through the window. For a moment his breath catches in his throat and you look equally as surprised seeing him in front of you that for a moment neither of you make a move. 

There’s a beat of silence...and then you flash him a grin.

“Sup, Mori how’s it going?” 

It’s then that the reality of the situation catches up to him (aka you’re climbing through the second floor window) and he topples right off of his chair with a scream of surprise, turning every eye in the classroom over to the window and blowing your not-so-subtle entrance. Of course he’s flustered over his response being so loud but it’s swiftly forgotten in favor of Kengo and the teacher rushing in to help pull you in and he scrambles back onto his feet to jump in and help. By the time your feet hit the floor the bell chimes in to signal the start of the class and it’s almost bizarre how easily you brush off your daring feat with a yell of triumph over having made it into class before the bell, even if that sense of triumph only lasts until the teacher tells you to stay behind after class to talk.

Moritaka ends up hanging around outside of the classroom after lessons for a little while and the two of you join up to walk back together by the time your meeting with the teacher is over with. He seriously wants to know what emboldened you enough to risk scaling such a height, however a part of him is also rather impressed that you went through such lengths to reach your goal even if they were rather...extreme. Just perhaps give him a warning next time you plan to parkour your way into the classroom so that he can choose a seat that’s out of your line of fire okay?

[maisondenachtai]

Oscar Darling (2/??)

Paring: Chris Evans x Black Female Reader (but honestly everyone can read it) Previous Chapter

summary: a man will do seriously desperate things to get what he wants. (author’s note: ....I seriously don’t think chris would do this. This is not Chris behavior...but this is fiction...and I love it. Okay read!)

taglist: @chaneajoyyy​

            Like Peter to Jesus in the bible, you denied him three times.

The first time came four days after he messaged you the first time, after you stewed over the fact that Chris Evans was messaging you and that everything in your body told you that you would be committing a crime if you told him no.

The second time came two days after that, and you didn’t feel so horrible about it that time. In fact it was kind of flattering that a man would want to go to dinner with you that bad.

The third time was completely satisfying, not only had you denied him but he had sent with his request a picture of him and his dog with the caption, ‘Dodger would really like it if you had dinner with me.’

You replied, and you felt so badass for it:

I hate to let Dodger down, since he is a good boy, but I must decline. Please tell Dodger that my people will send his people (i.e: you) the best doggie treats for such a good boy.

           It made you feel even better when on Twitter, Chris put up a simple picture of your doggie treat basket with the caption,

Dodger gets more love than I do.

           You were walking on the moon, if you weren’t afraid of looking a fool you would walk down the street like Tobey McGuire in Spiderman 3. Not only had Chasity and the PR team spun your little drunken tirade into relatable gold, but you had gained an endorsement deal with a dating app. You were making bank because you were a drunken mess, and isn’t that everyone’s dream?

You stuck a spoonful of cookies and cream ice cream in your mouth as you strutted around your apartment. Your best friend Diana was watching you with amusement as she absentmindedly thumbed through an Ebony Magazine that you were on the cover of.

“I can’t believe you’re so happy that you denied Chris Evans.” Diana’s eyes followed you as you went over and kissed your Oscar and then flopped out on your couch.

“It’s not that I’m happy about that…but it’s the fact that I could do it Diana.” You said looking up at the ceiling. “Like…I made it. I won an Oscar, I’m turning down dates from hot guys. I have endorsement deals, I’m on the cover-

“Wait.” Diana put the magazine down and stood up crossing from the dining room to your living room. “You said guys…plural. Who else have you turned down?”

You sat up, “Seriously, I said all of that and all you got was the ‘guys’ part?”

“Stop changing the damn subject. Who else?”

You smirked, “Well, I might have gotten a call from Drake.”

“DRAKE?” Diana said mimicking Soulja Boy. “Champagne Papi? 6god? Jimmy in the wheelchair?”

“Yeah all three. He invited me to cheesecake…you know he loves to go there.” You joked and then laughed at your own corniness. “But I said no. I mean, he’s cute and all…but no thanks. I don’t want to be the girl in Hollywood that just dates everybody.”

Diana rolled her eyes, “Plus you like the attention.”

You grinned, “It is nice.” Your phone dinged, and then dinged again. Then there were several dings. Even Diana’s phone started to ding. Your mood dropped. What could it be now? What did you do this time? Was Rose McGowan finally calling you out for your attempted sexual harassment of Chris Evans?

Before you could even grab your phone, Diana was already laughing slightly.

“What?” You looked over at her.

“You might want to check out Facebook. …oh and put some pants on, maybe.” Diana smiled.

“Wait what?” You pulled out your phone and clicked on Facebook where you were tagged in a live story by none other than Chris Evans.

           He, in all his bearded glory, was in a hallway that looked quite familiar and smiling brightly.

“Hey guys, just wanted to let you know some updates about my day. First off, my beard is coming in nicely, thank you for noticing. Also, Dodger is well and loved the treat basket that he got so much that he wanted to thank the girl that sent it to him in person. Isn’t that right Dodger?” Chris kneeled down to get Dodger in the frame and on cue Dodger barked and licked his phone.

The bark echoed loudly, too loudly.

“Oh my fucking god, he’s in my hallway.” You stood up, in just your panties, ice cream on your face and shirt.

“No shit Sherlock.” Diana smirked at you.

“Guys wish Dodger luck, he’s totally nervous about meeting her. He’s been waiting for a long while…like since Oscar weekend.” He smirked in the camera, but you wouldn’t know because you were rushing around your apartment like a mad man trying to look decent for your unexpected guest.

“I mean, I invited this girl out to dinner with me and Dodger of course, three times.”

Thump.

“Motherfucker! Ow!” You cried out as you fell down in a tangled web of pants that were around your ankles. Diana just sat there halfway watching you act like an idiot and halfway watching her phone in amazement at Chris’s boldness.

“She said no. Isn’t that awful? She said no to poor Dodger three times! Who could say no to this face?” He rubbed Dodger’s face which made the dog excited. “So Dodger told me to call her people and see if we could get her address because that basket deserved a thank you in person. …I know it’s kind of creepy guys, but Dodger was desperate.”

“I can believe he’s using his dog for sympathy. And playing down the fact that he used his connections to get my personal info. That is pathetic.” You were sliding Fenty Lip Gloss on your lips in your hallway mirror.

“So pathetic.” Diana said sarcastically.

“I’m gonna kill Chasity.” You fluffed up your hair and then picked up your breath spray and sprayed three times. One for the father, the son and sweet baby Jesus.

“Totally murder her.” Diana was so amused. For someone who had so ruthlessly denied someone else, you sure were doing a lot.

“So, guys I’m gonna go now. We’re almost at her door and she’s not expecting us…I want it to be a surprise.” He whispered comically. “Love you guys! And remember to buy Love and Murder* on DVD/Blu-Ray and Digital.”

The phones went silent for a moment and you waited on bated breath for the knock on the door. When after five minutes it didn’t come, you released a sigh of slightly disappointed relief.

“Maybe he was just bullshitting. There are a lot of these apartments in LA.” Diana said when you looked over at her. “Look at you, you got dressed for-“

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Nothing.” Diana finished jumping up herself.

You took a deep breath and unlocked the door slowly, not wanting to seem like you were over-zealous for his arrival. He was the thirsty one, not you. When you opened the door, he was there in a bomber jacket, looking as gorgeous as he always was grinning like the Cheshire cat.

“Nice to finally see you, Y/n.”

---------

(a/n: ...I hope you like. Love and Murder is the name of the movie that won you the Oscar. also...Chris’s facebook has not been active since ‘15 or ‘17...so use some imagination. thank you for reading! leave me comments! I love reading them!)

[honeycombme]

Easy as Breathing (PT. 2)

Clyde has never looked so sweet.

Part 2!

(Pt 3 available here!)

Your fingertips shook ever so slightly as they pulled clothes from your dresser. What do you even wear camping. Nothing you dredged up from the depths of your drawers was satisfying the goal you had in mind. Of course, all you wanted to do was feel desirable, but how do you do that when you’ll just be sweaty and gross for the entire weekend? You decided to just text Lauren. You wrote, “EMERGENCY. Wtf am i supposed to wear to keep Clyde’s attention? Surely not the t-shirt from my middle school robotics team?!”

You felt even more frantic. Bathing suits. You didn’t have anything other than a cheap, all black one-piece. You texted Lauren again. “Ok ok and bathing suits...i’m fucked”. You took a shaky breath, piling in essentials you at least knew you’d need. After all the toiletries and whatnot were sorted, you checked your phone. Lauren must’ve been having a ball. 

“Oh sweetpea, honeybear, sugarplum. I’m at the mall right now, what’s your size?” Her text burned into your retinas as you contemplated whether or not to give her this power. You relented, realizing you were already a lost cause and she could only help from here. After she received your text about sizes, she sent a wink emoji. Winking….about what???

You decided to fold up every piece of clothing you ripped out of your dresser while you waited for her to let you know whether or not she had any luck with bathing suits or clothes. You bargained with yourself, realizing t-shirts, shorts, and leggings would just have to do in this case. You folded everything neatly into a duffle bag, cursing under your breath at your nerves. 

Your phone dinged. When you unlocked the screen, Clyde’s name came into view. Your heart fluttered and you felt the butterflies again. You’d been texting on and off since last night you went to the bar, getting to know each other little by little. You learned that  he loves spaghetti and the smell of the Earth fresh after the rain. You learned that he was in the military and that he enjoys the moon more than the sun. You learned that his favorite dessert was peach cobbler. You also learned that you wanted to learn everything about him. 

He texted, “Just finished puttin some booze in a cooler for us, that way everything’ll be nice and chilled when we get there. I’m sure excited to be gettin there and settlin’ down for the night. I hope you’re as excited as I am, darlin.” You leaned against the closest wall you could find, re-reading the text over and over as you sighed. No matter what you wore, you were certain it’d be perfect. 

Lauren proposed that you both drive together to minimize the amount of cars at the campsite. When she showed up, she invited herself in to help you with bags. She looked you up and down as she saw you standing in your living room, closing the door and whipping her head back around. In her hands was a small fabric bag and she began pulling out the contents. 

“Ok so I packed you the swimsuit and a couple other essentials; however, we need to fix this outfit immediately,” she laughed, walking over and placing a hand on your shoulder. “Listen dear, you’re perfect; but if i’m going to live vicariously through you, i’m gonna need you to put these on.” She held out her hand, holding a few items of clothing. 

You unfurled the clothes, revealing a cropped, v-neck tank top, high-waisted jean shorts, a thin, loose cardigan, and a ballcap. You looked from the clothing to her, panic rising in your throat. 

“Y/n, it’s going to be fine. This way you’ll be more comfortable, too. It’s hotter than a rattlesnakes taint out there.” Lauren was perfect. She always had a quip to make you laugh, put you at ease. You ran into the bathroom and changed as fast as you could, trying not to look at yourself in the mirror too hard. When you walked out, she praised you. 

“YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS girl, I AM drooling. I’m quite the life saver. No need to thank me, let’s just get outta here, shall we?” With a spring in her step, she grabbed the bag and walked out of the door. You picked up your own bag and shuffled out, locking the door behind you. And so it begins. 

When you arrived at the campsite, there was a man in a guard shack checking every vehicle in. As Lauren approached, she stated the party’s name (Clyde Logan…*sigh*) and the man let you through. You drove for about 20 minutes around and around seemingly endless trees, camp sites, and then back the place you started. 

“Fuck,” gritted Lauren. She was visibly frustrated, and you were no better to navigate the woods than her. You decided to text Clyde. 

“Classic. Girls lost in the woods. Any way you can give me a play by play on how to get there?” You sent your text in a flash. Only seconds later, Clyde’s name appeared on your screen; he was calling. 

Your stomach dropped but you answered quickly (too quickly? Oh shut up y/n). 

“Hey there darlin’ can ya give me an idea of where you’re at? I can walk up to the main street ta meet ya.” His southern drawl was exceptional, I mean. WHERE did he pick this gorgeous twang from, the heavens?  

You chatted quickly about your surroundings, coming about a gentleman holding a phone, looking in the other direction. It was him. His hair was halfway pulled back into a convenient bun, t-shirt ripped open on the sides revealing his sides and chest. You shuddered slightly. When he turned his head your way, Lauren had slowed down drastically. He smiled and waved his arms for you to follow him. The path became littered with branched and trees, the further you drove in, the thicker the foliage became. Lauren kept a decent distance between him and the car. 

“Sure is looking like a snack for you, hmm?” she teased. She bit her tongue and smiled wildly when you glanced at her, pleading. Your nerves were already shot, and you felt way out of your element in this outfit. The skin that was exposed feeling every draft that passed you. 

When the car stopped, your stomach jolted upwards. You exited the car, tugging at the hem of the crop top to try and regain some modesty. Clyde was talking to Jimmy, but when he looked over and saw you, he jogged over to help. 

“Ya made it in one piece, ladies,” he beamed, giving Lauren the quickest of embraces. He made his way to you, smiling wildly as he placed an arm around you tightly, burrowing his face in the crook of your neck. You could’ve sworn he breathed you in. When he pulled away, he eyed you up and down, eyes lingering on the skin between your shorts and your crop top. You were immediately away of your exposed skin again, tugging at the hem of the shirt. 

He led you into the clearing of the campsite, holding you and Lauren’s bags over his shoulder. She reached for hers as he showed you where your tent was, escaping into the tent to set her stuff up. He placed yours down next to his tent. 

“This here’s Jimmy Logan, worst best brother ta ever walk the earth-” Clyde stated as Jimmy walked towards you arms open. 

“And you must be the pretty little thing he’s been ravin’ about, c’mere sweetie,” Jimmy Logan’s arms were around you in the blink of an eye, Your left hand raising to pat his back. As he pulled away, you noticed how bright his eyes were, a stark contrast from Clyde’s molasses colored eyes. His smile was warm and genuine, an honest smile you realized you needed to see. Jimmy’s friend introduced himself and you shook hands, becoming acquainted with everyone. 

When Lauren reappeared, she also received the same introductions, hugs and quips. You were both led through the options for dinner and available snacks, Clyde hanging around in the background sipping a beer. He was tending to a small fire, attempting to build it into one that would last the evening. Lauren and you spent a good fifteen minutes applying sunscreen and bugspray, leaving you both slightly greasy with a bit of sickly perfume hanging on your skin. 

A few hours had gone by and drinks were heavily passed around, sitting by the fire. No one was shy to drink from Jimmy’s friend’s flask after a few drinks, and boy did it burn. You swallowed an accidental mouthful from the flask, trying to regain control of your facial expression as it burned your esophagus. 

“That there is my momma’s best apple pie moonshine,” declared Jimmy’s friend. “She won awards from it….there’s another handle in my trunk.” He laughed, holding his belly as the flask made its way back to him. 

“Sometimes I honestly believe your momma’s been tryna kill you with that stuff,” chuckled Jimmy, slapping his chest as the remnants of the moonshine trickled down. You smiled into the heat of the fire and the heat in your veins. Shit. You were a little drunk. 

You were saved by Clyde pulling out hot dogs and the works. You mowed down probably two...maybe three hot dogs when you felt you had control of your mouth. Jimmy and his friend spent the sunset asking you and Lauren questions about your lives. He kept referring to you as “city girls” and acting in awe of the life you had back in New England. It was interesting to see their reactions to your everyday ventures. 

You asked the same amount of questions in return, learning about Jimmy’s criminal past (he has nothing to hide) and his hopes for the future. Clyde remained quiet and attentive, soaking in all the information. You turned to face him. “What about you, mister tall, dark and mysterious?” You felt brazen, realizing you didn’t mean to put him on the spot. Clyde just smiled at you. 

“I’ll tell ya anything you wanna know, miss.”

You all got to talking about how Clyde came to own Duck Tape, how he and Jimmy got themselves into all sorts of trouble, and how they used to come to this campsite to get away from all the negatives in their lives. 

The sun was beyond set and you began to feel the draft of the air against your skin becoming colder and colder. Without realizing you were, you started shivering; teeth chattering every so often as you attempted to stifle it. It was nerves as well, Lauren and Jimmy’s friend hit it off, deciding to go watch the fireflies by the lake's edge. Now it was you, Clyde, and Jimmy. 

“Welp, since the suns down I’m gonna take this chance to go wash off the day. You guys need anything, you holler.” Jimmy stood promptly, grabbing his bag from beside his tent and walked off into the woods. 

“Shower?” you questioned Clyde. You didn’t realize but he had stood when Jimmy did, perhaps he wanted to go shower as well. 

“Yeah, it’s like a quarter-for-a-few-minutes of hot water deal,” he explained. “It’s in an old log cabin up the road.”

“Aaah,” you teased, “so this isn’t real camping..”

He came to sit by your side, shoving you playfully with his shoulder. “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with wantin ta stay pampered,” he let his hair out of the bun and shook it loose. You could smell the spicy shampoo from his hair, the deodorant clinging to his skin, the peppery cologne he must be wearing…He chuckled at his own playfulness

You breathed in deep. “Mmm tell me you brought some of that shampoo to share, mister Logan.” You smiled sweetly at Clyde and then looked back to the crackling fire. Another gust of wind, stronger than the others, attacked your exposed skin, causing you to shiver. Clyde noticed, getting up and walking towards his tent. How could this hot, muggy place have such freezing night time drafts?

Clyde returned with a balled up piece of clothing in his hand. “Arms up,” he demanded. You looked to him confused, raising your arms. He pulled the material out and draped it around your arms, tugging it down until your hands met the holes of a shirt. He grabbed his own shirt for you to wear...to keep you warm. You melted. It smelled just like him. Not exposed to the smell of burning wood, the shirt exuded his scent, each subtle note gracing your senses. You sighed as the shirt enveloped you, coming to your thighs. 

The heat of the fire on your shins matched the heat in your cheeks now. Clyde seemed closer than ever, yet the two of you were silent. 

“Clyde?” Your voice pierced a scared rhythm of crackling in the embers of the fire. 

“Y/n?” he replied.

“I think you’re too cool for me,” you joked, halfway believing it. 

He smiled wide, “Too cool...ain’t never heard that one before. Truth be told, i’m a little shy. And hell, maybe a little nervous.” 

“Nervous?”

“Yeah...i’m not real good at the whole...smooth talkin’ thing.” He looked from the fire to the ground. You turned to face him. 

“Smooth talkin’ thing,” you repeated. “Clyde, you don’t need to play games with people, you’re the real deal. That’s why all the women at the bar hang on your every word, why I come as often-” You stopped yourself. Don’t give too much away, damnit. Even if the moonshine is strong, you needed to at least not make yourself vulnerable. You looked to the ground, then to his prosthetic arm which was glinting in the fire. In your peripheral vision, Clyde was looking down at you with the faintest smirk. 

“Yes, miss y/n? Please continue,” he demanded.

You huffed a breath through your nose, taking a sip of the drink you had been nursing. “All i’m saying is...I can’t seem to get enough of being around you. You make this whole reassignment..I don’t know...brighter? Sweeter? You make everything as easy as breathing when I come to see you at the bar. I’m sure you get a lot of this, but it sure means a lot to me to have you around.” You weren’t sure where you pulled the courage to say all of this, but you realized you’d begun shaking from nerves. 

Clyde’s eyes contained the image of the fire reflected back to you. Of course they did. He’s the only person that’s made you feel hotter than the West Virginia sun. The only face you’ve pictured late at night when your hands dip below your panty line. The only thing giving you a glimmer of hope for happiness in this lonely town. You were only able to hold his gaze for a moment. His hair was curling at the ends from the humidity, a slight breeze sending the scent of his shampoo to your senses. 

“You must not know how much I think of you, y/n,” he began, “ever since you been comin’ to my bar for a laugh, I’ve been hangin off every word you say to me.” He looked down at his shirt wrapped around your body. “You are the highlight of my day, every time I see your pretty face gracin’ my bar. I love makin’ you your favorite drinks, watchin you sip and be happy with your girlfriend...hell, i’d do anything to make you feel happy,” he chuckled. “I honestly never thought I stood a chance with lady as beautiful as you, always comin to see me in those perfect dresses.” 

You shuddered at the thought of him noticing you in your dress, wondering what you were wearing underneath, how the fabric would feel against his skin…

“Y/n!” yelled Lauren. 

You both perked up, not realizing how close your faces had gotten in your conversation. You became acutely aware of the smoke coming your way in contrast to the scent of Clyde’s body coming closer to yours. You turned to face Lauren, walking with Jimmy’s friend. 

“Yes, Lauren?”

~

@callmehopeless​...because I LOVE annoying you with attention

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: Ready for 💔 💔 💔? Jimmy: didn't bring a 🎻 in but there'll probably be a 🌧 about in a bit so go on Janis: Clearly you didn't watch enough back to school hauls to adequately prepare yourself Janis: 🙄🙄 Janis: you'll never guess who found her way to the 'how to catch a man' side of youtube though Jimmy: if it's Helena I really am fucking gutted Janis: Unlikely Janis: less she starts making a big deal out of how her MASSIVE TITS are slowly crippling her Janis: 🐰 has gone full 🐰🥘🥣 Jimmy: what the fuck kind of emojis are them? Janis: it's not my fault there's not a decent pot! Janis: also pretend to be gutted or she will be Jimmy: [draws her a lil pot emoji obvs] Jimmy: Who's pretending? 😭😭😭 Jimmy: have to console thinking about Helena's MASSIVE tits Janis: 👏 dead convincing there Janis: like 💀👑 trying to talk her out of it 'cos she's FUMING Jimmy: should've asked me to do the job for her Janis: check your DMs I'm sure she has Jimmy: [sends her some of the hilarious random DMs he has been sent lately like a highlight reel] Janis: the 💦💦 is endless Janis: you're SUCH old 🗞s Jimmy: 👴💔 Janis: at least you don't have to waste a load of 💸 on tat for her in a months time Janis: which is the only reason she's decided to get in a VERY committed relationship with a 13-year-old in the year below Jimmy: Tah for the reminder to crack on with this fake break up before then Jimmy: good job our kid's young as he is or I'd have to 🔐 Janis: I'm the one doing the breaking up, remember that first Janis: seriously though Janis: doing my head in Janis: get yourself 💐🍫 if you're this arsed gals Jimmy: 💰 on loads of 'em doing that Jimmy: should probably set up that 💌 bollocks you were on about before Janis: boys handwriting would be invaluable to 'em Janis: can't stop dotting their ❓ with ❤ Jimmy: can write with both hands an' all so it won't even be knackering Janis: show-off Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 Janis: just leave your shit chat up lines like that out Janis: dead giveaway Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: I know what I'm doing Jimmy: just gotta decide who I wanna send ones that ain't been paid for to for the #drama Jimmy: and whose name I wanna 🖋 Janis: [list of the 'loved up' couples of the moment that ain't them] Janis: stick whoever you wanna see get smacked on there Janis: easy Jimmy: this school have a postbox for it or what? Janis: yeah Janis: any excuse to be cringe Jimmy: I'll make sure yours is MASSIVE, don't worry and a top work of 🎨 OBVS Jimmy: 😘 Janis: my biggest concern, OBVS Janis: if you're still here I can do it the day of for all the 💔 points for you Jimmy: we're all 🤞 Lucas'll get on the roof 💐🍫😍 and fall off but you might have to put up with ✨ pissing out all over you when you open a card from me and nowt else Jimmy: that's your 💔 Janis: looking for broken 🦴s Janis: disappointing but not surprising Jimmy: UGH fine, I'll get on the roof Janis: bet we can Jimmy: let's go then Janis: now? Jimmy: you got owt else on? Janis: obviously not Jimmy: so come on Janis: be easiest to get up there from outside the music room Janis: do you know where that is? Jimmy: direct me Janis: [do that] Janis: wait for me if you get there first Janis: sir is insisting I can't go piss because someone else just did, as if our bladders are connected Jimmy: can't do that to lasses hasn't he heard Jimmy: tell him you're about to 💀💀💀 of toxic shock Janis: sadly raging at him over my blob gives off big angry lesbian vibes Janis: and I don't actually have a bloody tampon to throw at him Janis: I'll just leave in a sec but he's being a twat Jimmy: have to be the fake pregnancy fall back AGAIN Janis: one up Asia's news a bit Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: how long ago were the PE cupboard 💕? Janis: I haven't got a diary Jimmy: 😱😱 It weren't the best day of your life! 😱😱 Janis: best OF the day, how about that? Jimmy: bit rude of Asia to nick your phone Jimmy: I get that she don't want her big day ruined but Janis: 😏 Janis: like she's suddenly a top codebreaker Jimmy: #plottwist Janis: 🤓🤓💕 you 2 Jimmy: you 2 more like Jimmy: her being a dickhead means she likes you, DUH Jimmy: must be what the phone nicking were really about Janis: plottwist, they're all massive gays Jimmy: they're going on about sleepovers whenever I open the group chat Janis: you're that cliche? Janis: 👌 Jimmy: just saying it won't be a massive plot twist Janis: in your dreams, dickhead Jimmy: *nightmares Janis: 👻 do I hear someone protesting? Jimmy: Bill's lurking about loads when I get fuck all 😴 he knows I ain't pissing about wasting what dreams I do have Janis: Nice of him to entertain you Jimmy: you've seen my other offers Jimmy: didn't fancy none of them Janis: Fair Janis: he's got some witty bants at least Jimmy: he does alright Janis: better than the alternatives Janis: if I had a sleeping pill hookup, I'd take 'em myself Jimmy: you wanna watch out on that roof, mate, dunno how he'll feel about such a backhanded compliment Jimmy: steady on, bit rude to all the 🐑 hanging about for you to count, that Jimmy: how many #haters you want? Janis: you can pretend you pushed me if you're worried Jimmy: I 💭 that were the point of going up there Jimmy: no need to pretend owt Jimmy: we'll both be 💀💀💀 Janis: alright Janis: [show up] Jimmy: ['bit awkward if you've found a will to live' said like a saucy challenge] Janis: [just a look like does it look like I have? as much of a challenge as we try to find the way up onto the roof 'cos you know it's not that well hidden or secured] Jimmy: [a LOOK because always but we're also helping not just making intense eye contact forever lol] Janis: [remembering our sims school there was multiple levels so maybe you can get on the second story roof if not the third, anyway, letting you 'cos we can, even if you've got to do some lowkey parkour here, help each other and don't die] Jimmy: [it's a mood so we must, I hope your ribs are a bit more healed boy, don't do yourself further injury please] Janis: [rest when you're up there and we're just LOOKing at you like what now] Jimmy: [lighting up 🚬 for you both and doing heart shaped smoke rings because we're on a vday theme which you can totally show her how to do for some #content while you're up there] Janis: [can only imagine the funny face you're gonna have to pull to achieve that which thank god or it'd be too hot already] Jimmy: [all I can think about is when Liam and Edie were on the roof of that house they were staying in and he said he loved her so RIP me and them] Janis: [oh yes I remember that, soz we killed you guys] Jimmy: [anyway give her whatever doodle you've done today as well so she can have it in person cos I like to think you've not seen each other yet] Janis: [always love that, so much that we have to walk away and be peering over the edge dangerously just to diffuse that situation] Jimmy: [jimothy will probably pee over the edge just cos he can haha] Janis: [boy perks] Jimmy: [and they were talking about going for a piss and stuff like that always makes you want to] Janis: [you can't girl we're not falling off forreal, so hold it and contend with finding shit to throw onto the next roof down] Jimmy: [likewise join in with throwing stuff until there's nothing left and you can take your turn to LOOK at her like what now] Janis: [sharing that intense eye-contact for forever like] Jimmy: [we're not breaking it but we are pulling her closer to us] Janis: [writing 'morning' somewhere on his arm, whether we have to pull up his blazer or whatever to do that, we is] Jimmy: [writes 'good' on her in the same place because it is a good morning now we've seen the bae] Janis: [✔ like same] Jimmy: [teach her how to sign it because why not] Janis: ['we get it, you're good with your hands' 'cos mentioning being ambidexterous earlier and we KNOW so] Jimmy: [😏 and kiss her like excuse you I'm good at this too] Janis: [no room or energy to disagree here hen] Jimmy: [nobody's likely to appear and interrupt you up here lads so just enjoy that alone time] Janis: [we know we're gonna, even though it's January and this is scandalous because duh, how can we not] Jimmy: [you have done and will do way worse so] Janis: [should post those unfy smoking roof pics as we're getting down though so everyone knows you were up there but teachers can't actually prove that you were so] Jimmy: [if the teachers are checking your socials they'll get arrested hens] Janis: [easy mr lucas] Jimmy: [but yeah everyone will be well jel, blatantly gonna be a new thing for everyone to try and go to the roof now] Janis: [have fun getting caught losers lool] Jimmy: [not soz you'll never be JJ and living in a rom com] Janis: 😈 Jimmy: 😇🏹💕 Janis: You got the little nappy outfit ready to go, yeah? Jimmy: #kinkunlocked I get it Janis: 'course Janis: what girl wouldn't be 😍 Jimmy: 💀👑 probably prefers wearing them, THANK GOD she's not my target audience Janis: did she ever fake that she was 😍 over you? Jimmy: and have to put owt in the tip jar? Jimmy: SO funny, you Janis: cheek when she's allegedly the most minted Janis: making Asia make it rain 💦💸 Janis: mad she really don't fancy anyone who's not 50% of her though Jimmy: that'll be how she stays 💰💰💰 Janis: keep it in the family? Janis: 👍 Janis: bit extreme but Jimmy: if it were her only reason Jimmy: but she's OBVS 😍😍🤤 an' all Janis: 🤮 Jimmy: she in your lesson? Janis: Yeah Janis: and #2 Jimmy: What do you wanna do that'll do their heads in? Janis: 💡❓ Janis: all they keep talking about is Asia and her new boyfriend Janis: how do we pull focus from how un-goals that is when we're always 💯 Jimmy: could just break them up Janis: I'm not fucking a 13-year-old and I don't think it's a good look for you either Jimmy: never said we had to do owt with him but get in his head Jimmy: not like it'd be hard to convince the lad she's being a massive slag Janis: true, true Janis: she's only gone with him 'cos she knows he ain't gonna dump her because older girl clout Janis: and she wants the 🎁🎁 Janis: well rude Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: the school therapist'll be after him when Asia's done if Lucas ain't Janis: honestly Janis: only the right thing to do Jimmy: [edits some of the many Mia cheating pics they have to look like it could be Asia but in a pisstakey way because we're literally in class so we can't do it properly but like in a is this worth doing way] Janis: 😂😂😂 Janis: that's nightmare fuel, for sure Janis: no wonder you ain't sleeping Jimmy: sleep paralysis demon, her Janis: terrifying, poor boy Janis: but she's got way too many pounds on 💀👑 for that to work Janis: 🤔 what if there was somewhere else he'd rather be Janis: no matter how 🔥 she reckons her 🍑 is Jimmy: not gonna get my sister with him now he's been anywhere near her Janis: Not exactly what I had in mind Janis: bit weird your head went there, tbh but still Janis: you wanna throw a party anyway, yeah Janis: why not do it then a fuck over any girl thinking she's getting a romantic date night? Jimmy: bit weird they're the same age @Asia with that one Jimmy: but DUH Janis: she's only 14, being fair Janis: sounding more and more like 💀👑 by the second Janis: obvs it goes against every dating rule she has so she's 😤 😠 😡 🤬 🤯 Jimmy: feels dead wrong to split 'em up if that's what she wants Janis: at least it'd give them something else to chat about Janis: all this 💘 is making me sick already Jimmy: has to be a way to do that any road, it's fucking ages til we can have that party if we're doing it then Janis: yeah, I guess so Janis: well keep 💭 then Jimmy: I were 💭 what's another 🎁 that ain't another desk? Jimmy: any 🥇💡s? Janis: 'cos I just do this shit all the time Janis: I don't know Jimmy: Oi, don't be getting mardy with me, I only asked Janis: well don't bother asking questions I clearly don't have the answer to Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you already do all the drawings and far more shit than any lad they go out with Janis: like the whole point Janis: I don't know how we'd up that Jimmy: I said alright Janis: now who's being moody Jimmy: you Jimmy: that'll be why I'm leaving it out Janis: piss off then Jimmy: What's up with you? Janis: nothing, what's wrong with you? Jimmy: you're being a dickhead Janis: how am I? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: let's just drop it Janis: sure whatever lesson you're in is as equally thrilling as mine Jimmy: or just tell me what's wrong Jimmy: 'cause you were alright a bit ago Janis: I'm just Janis: it don't matter Janis: it's fine Jimmy: bollocks Janis: it can be Janis: 🤫 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: come on Janis: it's alright Janis: just everyone else getting on my nerves, as per Jimmy: alright Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: what? Janis: be my mate Jimmy: I am Janis: sorry, alright Jimmy: what were it you said, it don't matter Janis: yeah but Janis: change the subject or something Jimmy: put me on the spot a bit there, dickhead Janis: 😏 Janis: but you're such a natural conversationalist Jimmy: it ain't my fault I can't stop thinking about you long enough to put a sentence together Janis: that's very smooth considering Janis: keep saying things like that, who wouldn't be jealous Jimmy: just how I feel, must not have as many dickheads in this lesson as you Jimmy: ☀ Janis: I'm not not thinking about you Janis: I just don't know what to do about that Janis: maybe less so Jimmy: What do you wanna do about it? Janis: how many lessons you reckon we can realistically walk out of? Jimmy: the rest of 'em Janis: Why are we even staying? Jimmy: we're not Janis: That is the best idea you've ever had Jimmy: I dunno, I reckoned the roof were a decent shout Jimmy: but I get it, soz it took me fucking ages Janis: You didn't get how I felt about the roof? Jimmy: 🤏 Jimmy: might've had some idea Janis: I can show you again but you know Janis: little rude Jimmy: 😏 Janis: Crap with words but there's loads else I can do Jimmy: I were gonna say I heard what I needed to up there but Jimmy: there's loads else I want to Janis: Don't be #overit yet Jimmy: sounds fake, that Jimmy: you just want me to 🗨 how not over it I am Janis: so? Jimmy: I already did do Janis: then I must've really meant it Jimmy: you've got nowt to worry about Janis: good Jimmy: Where we going? Janis: We can go to mine if you don't wanna go to yours Janis: or do you wanna go DO something Jimmy: be #goals whatever happens Jimmy: what do you wanna do? Janis: I'm not thinking about #goals even though that's true Janis: I am thinking about how many times I could make you cum on that fucking bus ride Janis: come to mine, no one will be there, so there's loads of things we can do Jimmy: I just meant that bit don't matter but if I were thinking it did before I don't now Jimmy: and you've already sold me on the fucking bus ride so owt else is a bonus Janis: 😁 seems like a bit of a pisstake but Jimmy: it won't be Jimmy: except for the 👵🚍👀 Janis: They go to town at the crack of dawn Janis: shouldn't be loads Janis: but I can make you forget about that as well Jimmy: I don't care if there is loads Jimmy: I told you, I can't stop thinking about you Janis: It's distracting Janis: you are Janis: but fuck this place anyway Jimmy: *you are Janis: you started it Janis: and I'm not sorry Jimmy: I'm not sorry I started it Janis: Good Janis: it's Janis: working for me Jimmy: you'll forget about whatever's doing your head in in a bit Janis: already have Jimmy: come here then Janis: only if you ask again Jimmy: please Janis: 😍 Janis: okay Janis: [run babies run] Jimmy: [I know you only just went back from the hols but fuck school tbh] Janis: [we aren't that bothered ever but truly, you're both smart enough to pass just fine, we got life to be living and love to be falling into] Jimmy: [got a really long bus ride to be extra through soz not soz it's a whole vibe] Janis: [we're about it, and we can show you the actual decent stuff about the cali residence 'cos it's not the place we dislike it's the people rn soz guys] Jimmy: [we all know it's a cool af house even if there are a 10000000000000 cats] Janis: [lmao, at least they gonna be less fussy than Twix so you'll be alright lads] Jimmy: [have a lovely time but probably avoid your room gal since we're not drunk af like we were on christmas eve] Janis: [we know there's nothing there to show it's fine, y'all can chill wherever you want] Jimmy: [love it for you, honestly surprised you ever bother going to school rn tbh] Janis: [only 'cos we clearly can't hang around mcvickers 'cos they're both old enough to be retired even if they're only semi-retired, and you have to take Bobby to school so like, may as well not like you can get extra shifts when they know you're 15 and not out of school] Jimmy: [and it's an easy way to be #goals as they've already proved with the desk escapades] Janis: [mhmm, and an excuse to see each other you so don't need now but you know] Jimmy: [the tea] Janis: [do we wanna do anything when they are at the gaff etc?} Jimmy: [probably nothing too heavy but if you've got anything you want to happen we can] Janis: [lbr, we know we're being cute af and saucy] Jimmy: [I'm devastated that you can't stay forever as will you be, but at least you'll have a fair while even with the long af bus which is only gonna be fun on the way there unless you're leaving together too] Janis: [you should probably stay gal as the school will call to say you went missing and you'd be better to deal with that rather than have her think you've run away again lol] Janis: 👋 Jimmy: [Gonna be fun going home to Ian, I hope for your sake boy you've got work for a bit first for that reprieve even though it'll probably make him angrier cos you're gone longer] Jimmy: 🥺👋 Janis: [mhmm, like get over it Ian it's one day but ANYWAY] Janis: I wish I could've come Jimmy: and I wish I could've hung about a bit longer Janis: fucking real life, eh Jimmy: nowt'll be more 💔 than if the ☕ start cracking on making themselves and I have to look out for a new way to earn 💰 Jimmy: but I get that you wanna be my fantasy, girl so I won't call it a bit rude that you're 🗨 all that just then were fake Janis: Never happen Janis: they like the fake smile on your face when you give it 'em Janis: not fake Janis: just not 💩 like the rest Jimmy: I'll take all them assurances, tah for not getting too near a compliment Jimmy: thought it were gonna be a bit touch and go at the end there Janis: not to mention the carnage if it was self-service Janis: only afford the steam burns if they're paying you minimum wage Janis: 😘 Janis: shut up Jimmy: not just any dickhead can pull off that many scars Jimmy: 😎🚬 Janis: 😏 Janis: I get it, you want MORE compliments Janis: not like I just spent all day showing you how hot I think you are Jimmy: or more worthwhile wounds Jimmy: unless you're gonna kick off about there being no more time or space for them an' all Janis: Oi Janis: don't make me sound like that bitch Janis: cheek Janis: 🔪 you any time you like, you know that Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: can never have it in writing too many times Janis: you trying to get me done for not keeping my word? Jimmy: 👮🚔 Jimmy: don't bother going back on it and you'll be alright Janis: should've known Janis: you're all the same Jimmy: can't 🗨 you didn't know what you were getting into, Jennifer Jimmy: 🐷💕 Janis: my dads rolling in his grave Jimmy: still 🤞 you and your fake tan'll put mine in his Janis: I'll put on my nan's accent Janis: turn it up a notch Jimmy: 😂 Janis: or just intro them Janis: he'd feel so #attacked Jimmy: only if you can promise me she'll chuck a bible at him Janis: 🤞 Janis: can't promise much about her but it's 99% Jimmy: it's a date then 🍷🍞 Janis: 😂 Janis: enjoy Jimmy: be PROPER awks if we've misread this and she ends up my new mum Janis: She's still got delusions about being the pastor's wife Janis: she's too nosy to settle down and have her own life anyway, you're fine Jimmy: poor bloke Janis: your dad or father daddy? Jimmy: not chucking any sympathy Ian's way Jimmy: he's always got the full orchestra playing for himself, there's no need Janis: got ya Janis: I'll make it up to him whenever I get 'round the repenting Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: bit of time with me on my knees'll sort him right out Janis: fuck off Janis: we're not sharing Jimmy: Why not? Janis: 'cos I want him Janis: get your own boyfriend, bitch Jimmy: thank GOD Pete'll be in Janis: 😒 Janis: shot myself in the foot there Jimmy: made your 🛏 have to lie in it with the hot priest, you Janis: 😣 😖 😫 Janis: don't be mean Janis: it was an involuntary reaction Janis: being a twin means you don't want to share anything Jimmy: you're alright, I'm more forgiving than him and his mate in the ☁s Jimmy: might let you be my mate again eventually Janis: aaaaand share your boyfriend, yeah? Janis: thanks 💖 Jimmy: be up to him, that Jimmy: but agreeing to having a go at being his lead 🎤's bound to make up his mind Jimmy: the lad he got last time you said no is shite Janis: Oh God Janis: do they play the CG? Janis: 😬 Jimmy: that gonna make you rush in or steer clear? Janis: I'm not sure I can fake the enthusiasm Janis: and yes, that IS saying something, thank you Janis: tell him to 📞 me if they ever start getting paid Jimmy: @ him yourself Jimmy: loads of jobs but none of 'em are as your messenger boy Jimmy: ain't chucked 🗞️🗞️🗞️ about for ages Janis: you're such a slag Janis: called playing it cool Janis: look it up 🤓 Jimmy: look up frigid Jimmy: 🥶🥶🧊 Janis: piss off Jimmy: didn't reckon on that rumour being the one that were true but here we are Janis: don't be a twat Janis: you literally know it isn't Jimmy: still feel free to remind me whenever you like Janis: yeah, really convincing that Jimmy: What, you need MORE convincing than earlier on? Janis: oh, now you're calling me a slag Janis: make up your mind and shut up, yeah? Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: 👍 Jimmy: you planning to leave me with my 💭 this whole 🚍 ride? Janis: I should Janis: but it is longer than the journey to hell so Jimmy: you have left me loads to think about, give you that Jimmy: 🏆🥇 Janis: it's mutual Janis: is an understatement Jimmy: yeah, I felt that Janis: bit rude Janis: every time I think seeing you is gonna get you out of my head Janis: never does though Jimmy: bit rude that you want me out when you've said you've not got owt else on Janis: yeah but I can't be around you all the time so it's just inconvenient Jimmy: I'm not stopping you and my 👻 manager'd have a job to Jimmy: and we've already proved school can't Janis: If you're still there when I've dealt with my ma Janis: could Jimmy: if not you know where else I'll be Janis: yeah Janis: I do have work to do and all though Jimmy: OBVS Jimmy: 🐕's can't 🏃 themselves without the owners getting right mardy Janis: Thank God Janis: can't be arsed to sing for my supper yet Jimmy: after though Jimmy: you can do us a lullaby Janis: you just want me to sleep over Jimmy: Oi, don't make me sound like them huns Janis: 💅💄🍿☕️🧸💖 Janis: you Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: will you hang about if I let you chuck 🧸s about and smack me with a pillow or what? Janis: your nightmare not mine Janis: but as you asked nicely Jimmy: 👍 Janis: What song do you want? Janis: 🎶😴 Jimmy: what song do you wanna do? Janis: [list off some hilariously inappropriate lullabies] Jimmy: number 6 Janis: 😏 Janis: thank god the little ones deaf Janis: hate to be a bad influence Jimmy: 🖍👂 were bad enough Janis: mini 💘story is worse Jimmy: but that's nowt to do with us Janis: 'course not Janis: so pure and real Jimmy: be worse if they hated each other like him and Amsterdam, never be able to chuck him anywhere Janis: yeah Janis: and she's annoying whatever she's 🗨 about so makes no odds to me Jimmy: we better start being the NICEST ever to your nan so he can sleep there and not piss on our party plans Janis: that'll involve you not being as nice as you wanna, perv Janis: tone it down Jimmy: tone down your jealousy, Jules, I'll come to your window an' all Janis: She don't fancy you, sorry to break it to you Jimmy: she's not gonna admit it to you, dickhead Janis: She's not gonna be able to fake that with a remotely straight face, more like Jimmy: must be where you get it from Janis: better than you Jimmy: bollocks Janis: nah Jimmy: yeah Janis: no Jimmy: based on what? Janis: erm, all my performances vs yours, OBVS Jimmy: mine's been as good as yours Janis: hmm Janis: 😂 Jimmy: you're just being a twat 'cause your fit nan 💕s me Janis: and you're just mad 'cos Will wouldn't even cast you as a background character Jimmy: he has done so that's even more bollocks you're chatting now Jimmy: should be chuffed she's not going blind, babe Janis: bit awkward to boot you now Janis: massive head, takes a lot to shift Jimmy: far as excuses go, a TOP athlete like you should have better Jimmy: 🥉 if that Janis: let me start auditions first, arsehole Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: stop it Janis: you're the one being a twat, twat Jimmy: how am I? Janis: Where do I start? Janis: I'd rather just not, as I just said Jimmy: at buying some time before you have a proper go 'cause you know I've done nowt wrong, by the sounds of it Jimmy: but alright Janis: I didn't say you'd done anything wrong Janis: just that you were being annoying on purpose Jimmy: Why would I bother with that? Janis: You tell me Jimmy: the answer is I obvs wouldn't Janis: OBVS Janis: 👍 Jimmy: you stop it Janis: I'm not doing anything Janis: so yeah, alright Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: I'd be in the group chat if I were trying to 🗨 in 👍👌🙄 Janis: not my job to entertain you is it Jimmy: I never said it were Jimmy: if you were on the clock it wouldn't be like pulling 🦷🦷 trying to have a word Janis: oh, whatever Janis: I don't like talking, that's not news and it's none of your business Jimmy: and you've heard I like talking to you when you're not being a MASSIVE dickhead Jimmy: give me a clue when that'll be Janis: I've got other shit on Jimmy: and I've not? Janis: I never said you didn't Janis: that was you Jimmy: I'm just not using it as a bollocks excuse to be a twat Janis: I'm not excusing anything, I'm saying you don't know what I do or don't have on, at any point Jimmy: 'cause it's none of my business, you just said Janis: basically, yeah Jimmy: whatever, as you said an' all Jimmy: in a bit Janis: later then Jimmy: yeah Janis: [you're gonna have to leave this some time and I'm gonna have to fix it, well done gal, not leaving it too long though 'cos not that deep so just deal with it, you could still be on the bus tbh lmao] Jimmy: [seeds are being sown and honestly yeah it is a really long bus ride I hope you left yourself enough time boy or you'll be late for work] Janis: sorry, okay Janis: just ignore me, I'm just stressed Janis: you've not done anything Jimmy: I got that Jimmy: how stressed you are Janis: yeah, I know Janis: you don't need that ever Janis: let alone before work Jimmy: @iantaylor8 before I get back, might stop him getting a mard on an' all Janis: He's gonna be raging? Jimmy: when's he not? Jimmy: he'll be chuffed to bits I gave him something to have a go about Jimmy: you talk to your mum yet? Janis: Any excuse Janis: not like we had anything important on today Janis: or ever, really but you know Janis: she won't be back for a bit Janis: just avoiding my sisters in the meantime Jimmy: how many 🐕s you done? Janis: got six here that all walk together alright, get that in before she's back Jimmy: 💰 on my sister not having done ours, you can use that as a reason to piss off when you need Janis: If she ain't seething, might drop me off Janis: save the dog's bladder bursting whilst the bus goes round every fucking street on the way Jimmy: didn't go back at lunch, might already be 💀💀💀 Janis: shit Janis: what time is your dad back? Jimmy: probably will be,  have to check the 👞👟🥾 Jimmy: house'll be trashed if nowt else Jimmy: meant to be 🕠 but it never is Janis: I can leave a note at mine Janis: be there well before he is Janis: only took a day off, say I got that period or whatever Jimmy: not your problem, no need to cause any with your mum for the 🐕's sake Janis: it's not a problem Janis: just replying that I hadn't run away earlier when the school messaged her was more than enough Jimmy: alright Janis: won't charge extra for mopping up piss Janis: didn't think, when I said we should go to mine Jimmy: you don't have to Jimmy: mop up piss or 💭🐕💔 Janis: you can't, you're already doing a job so Jimmy: he can get the mop out, it were his 🥇💡 to get a dog Janis: may as well though Jimmy: IOU then Janis: nah Janis: 'cos IOU Jimmy: Oi, don't be turning me down Jimmy: any time you fancy having a piss on my floor, I'll sort it Janis: 😂 Janis: thanks Janis: big #kinkunlocked obviously Jimmy: I know, that'll be why I'm allowing it Janis: Well considerate of you Jimmy: sound more shocked, Joanne Janis: I ain't Jimmy: good Janis: you know I didn't mean it Jimmy: What bit? Janis: not wanting to talk to you Jimmy: I got that when you started talking to me again Janis: yeah, alright Janis: just saying Jimmy: what's gonna make you 😁? Janis: Is that what you want? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Jimmy: not like I've spent ages today trying to do it or owt Janis: I can not be a moody bitch without being 😁 though, honest Jimmy: and I can make you 😁 Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: you have Janis: loads Jimmy: it don't matter if your face ain't stuck like it Jimmy: I'll have another go Janis: what about you? Jimmy: What about me? Janis: What emoji do you want me to make you? Jimmy: your fav obvs Jimmy: 🤗 Janis: 😏 Janis: I'll do my best Jimmy: I get it, you know Jimmy: what you said before about the rest being 💩 Janis: it just really shows how shit everything else and everyone is Janis: how boring and just Janis: bit of a headfuck Jimmy: yeah and I get it an' all that you have shit you have to do but Jimmy: I meant what I said about you not having to go nowhere Jimmy: my 🏠'll be trashed and the 🐕's a dickhead but you can still hang around whenever you want Janis: I don't though Janis: not in comparison to you, that's just the truth Janis: it just makes me sound pathetic when you put it like that Janis: but thanks Jimmy: shut up, you've got a job same as me Janis: you know what I mean Jimmy: I know I ain't gonna hold it over your head that your mum ain't chucking 👶s at you to look after or being a massive bellend all the time Jimmy: what kind of weird 🎻💔😭 bollocks 🏆s is that? Janis: well I knew you'd hate it that's why I didn't say it earlier Janis: I'm just not trying to take the piss with stupid non-problems Jimmy: everyone's got shit, not just me Janis: yeah Janis: and I've got plenty Janis: being stressed about skiving school ain't one of 'em though, it weren't that Jimmy: I never thought it were Janis: I've got a handle on it now though Jimmy: alright Jimmy: made that 😁 challenge even more piss easy for me then Janis: You mad about that or Janis: I can make it harder again easy Jimmy: go on, I ain't 🙀🙀 Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 me Janis: 😶 there you go Janis: complete blank slate Jimmy: Tah Janis: Yeah well, all the pressure Jimmy: that meant to be a ✔ or ❌? Janis: it means I'm doing what you asked and giving you an actual challenge Jimmy: that consideration's catching Janis: great Janis: need a cream for that, do I Jimmy: might do if it starts irritating you, like Jimmy: 🤞 it don't react with your fake tan Janis: is red more or less offensive than beige? 🤔 Jimmy: less Jimmy: colour of 🩸🌹💘 Bill's fav, that Janis: we already know he 💘s me Janis: about making your dad 😡🤬 not me Jimmy: already did do Jimmy: nowt challenging about making Ian fuming Janis: yeah but that's what you want me to do and keep doing Jimmy: it's not why I want you to stay Janis: it'd be a bit rude if that was all you wanted me for Jimmy: I just mean he's not the reason I do owt Jimmy: doing his head in gives my sister something to do with her 😡🤬 but he don't matter to me Janis: yeah, it isn't about him Janis: but getting him fuming enough you can all go home is, I mean Jimmy: which ain't even been working Jimmy: as plans go it were never 🥇 Janis: what letter plan was it? Jimmy: you know I can't count, mate Jimmy: dunno my letters either Janis: we don't have to talk about it though Janis: not right now Jimmy: We're here so whatever goes I had at getting him to not take the job or owt I did to try and stop us from leaving didn't work Jimmy: what's to talk about? Janis: you're giving up? Jimmy: never said that Janis: alright Janis: I get it Jimmy: do you? Janis: you either haven't thought out your next step, or I can't help you with it and it isn't my business Janis: either way, don't wanna or have to talk about it now Jimmy: 👌 Janis: not a total idiot, cheers Jimmy: never said that either Jimmy: feeling like one 'cause you had a massive strop is nowt to do with me Janis: fuck off Janis: 1. I didn't 2. Weren't talking about that no more Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: what are you rolling your eyes at me for Jimmy: what you mean you don't get that? Jimmy: don't sound like you Janis: wow Janis: nice Jimmy: just leave it out Janis: whatever Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I'm not staying, pay me whatever you would your sister for the dog Jimmy: I don't pay her Jimmy: @ my dad for his rates Janis: obviously not Jimmy: don't come then, even easier, that Janis: It's nothing to do with you Janis: the dog needs walking Jimmy: not by you Janis: why not Jimmy: why are you SO bothered? Janis: because it's needless and cruel Janis: it isn't hard Janis: and it's literally what I do so just shut up Jimmy: it ain't hard for my sister to do it Janis: is she going to or are you fobbing me off Jimmy: not a 🧠📖 Janis: for fuck's sake Janis: I don't need your permission, I'm going round anyway Jimmy: you don't get nowt so don't act like you do Janis: fine, take your 🎻💔😭🏆 and shove it Jimmy: ✔ Janis: so glad you're happy Jimmy: so glad you ain't lost your sense of humour Janis: the gags that I never had one, so where's yours Jimmy: Dunno, maybe you'll find it when you're pissing about at mine Jimmy: places the spare 🔑 has to get left are getting weirder and weirder Janis: I'm just knocking Janis: you might be arsed but doubt your sisters stopping me doing a job for her Jimmy: be about right Janis: be weird id she cared Janis: if* Jimmy: no weirder than you reckoning she'll bother to answer the door Janis: You're being ridiculous Jimmy: that's you Janis: no, it ain't Jimmy: yeah it is, this 🐕💔 being the hill you wanna 💀💀💀 on Janis: I told you why Janis: not rocket science Jimmy: and I told you why not to, neither's that Janis: I didn't say it was your fault but it's not fair on the dog and you know that Janis: I'm not gonna pretend I don't 'cos you're pissed off with me Jimmy: 📞 the rspca then, be doing me a bigger favour than this bollocks is Janis: if you wanted to, you would've done it yourself Janis: the kid 💕 it and that's why Jimmy: funny way of showing it she's got Jimmy: can't even do something she gets 💰 chucked at her for Janis: yeah and that hardly takes a genius to work out either Jimmy: no need for you to get your head round what's up with her an' all Janis: stop acting like I'm fucking therapizing you Jimmy: stop doing it Janis: fuck this Jimmy: yeah Janis: [you better walk away gal but we're clearly going to attempt to walk Twix still] Jimmy: [at least he's not there so you won't brawl] Janis: [oh the drama mick] Jimmy: [oh boy, it's not her fault you don't wanna leave dublin anymore, well it is but don't be rude] Janis: [quite literally your fault but that's a convo we're not ready to have yet clearly lol] Jimmy: [a convo we've literally had twice drunk lol lol] Janis: [oh lads, we're literally in such a tiz, thank god you didn't stay home tbh] Jimmy: [don't need to have a blazing row with your poor mother] Janis: [make this Thing an actual Thing™ though that is lowkey the deal in the fam being suspish of you boy but still] Jimmy: [literally don't know how I'm gonna fix this because he thinks he's in the right here, sir your pants] Janis: [like he's not not but we didn't really get what he was saying 'cos neither of you was saying enough/the right things lol] Jimmy: [she's not a mind reader either jimothy] Janis: [fair, we're probably going to go out and get drunk somewhere so I could always come @ you] Jimmy: [good idea because that's not a luxury he has until work is over at least and even then not really because Ian will be throwing his toys out of the pram] Janis: [yeah, like he's really not gonna be in the mood is he but we'll do it anyway, good luck lmao] Jimmy: [how much later are we saying it is like is he at work or has it been ages?] Janis: [well it's fully a monday so like what kind of party would be happening, so it's probably on the earlier side like we're just 'hanging' somewhere and drinking, but by the time we come for you you can probably be leaving work/home like] Jimmy: [makes sense] Janis: are you okay? Janis: what did he do? Janis: can't stop thinking about it Jimmy: I'm not back yet, nowt to worry about Janis: oh Janis: it's not that late Janis: still so dark 🌨⛄ Jimmy: you alright? Janis: yeah Janis: but no too Jimmy: ? Janis: I don't like it when we don't talk Janis: but I'm not dying in a ditch, that's what I mean Jimmy: but where are you? Janis: at the park with some people Janis: not the park, a park though Jimmy: what park? Jimmy: it's freezing Janis: I don't know, the one on [some estate he's not going to know gal but anyway, a let's get drunk in parks energy] Janis: it's not that cold, had my coat on anyway Jimmy: SO helpful, you Jimmy: it's not that cold now you're pissed, my dear Janis: That is half the point Janis: idk what you expect me to tell you, it's not like the park has a name, just a bit of grass and some swings Jimmy: I've got a map up 🤞 I get there before you 🥶🥶🥶 Janis: you're coming to see me? Janis: but you're angry at me Jimmy: I'm bringing you ☕ to warm and sober you up a bit, then I'm taking you to your nans Janis: I don't want to Jimmy: you wanna go home? Janis: god no Jimmy: you can't stay there Janis: not all night Janis: but it isn't even late Jimmy: not the point, dickhead Jimmy: I've got enough to worry about without adding you to the list Janis: don't worry about me Janis: I'm just trying to have fun Janis: I'm worried about you Jimmy: bit late for that Janis: 😠 Jimmy: don't you start, girl, I've hung up my apron now Jimmy: already on my way Janis: you can't try to seduce me to change the subject Janis: not that drunk Jimmy: weren't the plan Janis: why you talking like that then Jimmy: what? Janis: like Mias there and you want her to fancy you too Jimmy: I dunno what you're on about Janis: daddy 👏 energy 👏 Janis: anyway, literally said you wouldn't distract from the point so sh Jimmy: you Janis: but Jimmy: 🤫 Janis: sorry for caring Jimmy: it weren't what you signed up for Janis: not what you signed me up for, you mean Jimmy: go on, make it sound more like I forced you into something Janis: that's like Janis: the opposite of what I'm saying Jimmy: alright Janis: you keep turning things 'round and it's not what I mean Jimmy: just say what you mean Janis: I am Janis: I'm trying Janis: I just don't want you to get really hurt again but I can't do anything about it Jimmy: there's nowt I can do about it either Jimmy: how do you think I feel? Janis: I can't imagine Jimmy: don't Jimmy: 💭❌ Janis: I were never saying I knew what that was like Janis: I wouldn't Jimmy: not something I want us to have in common Janis: 'course not Jimmy: there you go then, can't have a go at you for not having a clue Janis: you can Janis: or you could just tell me what you do want me to do Janis: or say Janis: or not say or do Jimmy: that'd be taking the daddy energy a bit far, babe Janis: alright, not any other time, tah Janis: just let me fix this Janis: and not fuck it up again Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: there's nowt either of us can do Janis: okay Janis: I know that Janis: but how do I not annoy you about it Janis: because I don't think I can just fake that I don't know Jimmy: I don't have an answer I can just chuck at you Janis: okay then Jimmy: if I did I'd have loads of mates and a real girlfriend, duh Jimmy: that charming and social, me Janis: I'm glad you don't have a girlfriend though Jimmy: me and Bill's 👻 an' all Janis: I've got no friends either Jimmy: Oi, what am I? Janis: I don't know Janis: what are you Jimmy: 💔 RUDE Jimmy: I'm your best mate Janis: my best mate Janis: who I think about every time I cum, alright Jimmy: why isn't it? Janis: just confusing Janis: it can be both Janis: probably Jimmy: don't have to be if we just 🗨 Jimmy: it's been alright up til now Janis: very rude if that's your review Jimmy: shut up, you know what I mean Janis: do you want me to 🗨 or 🤫 Janis: just confused now 😏 Jimmy: I've missed you but if you wanna change my mind about it Janis: no, no Janis: I can behave Jimmy: making promises you can't keep Janis: cheek Jimmy: we'll see when I get there Janis: I missed you too Janis: I don't know what's wrong with me Jimmy: other than being a massive pisshead, you mean Janis: psh Janis: what else am I meant to do Jimmy: you want a list or what? Janis: yes, go on Jimmy: 1. 🗨 to me 2. come 👋 to me and my 👻 manager 3. workshop a 💀💀💀 scene with Bill 4. 🐕🏃 5. @ Lucas or 💀👑's dad for a lift Jimmy: just off the top of my head Janis: 1. we weren't 🗨 2. so I couldn't 👋 even if your manager actually existed 3. he's your mate 4. you definitely didn't want me to do that earlier either 5. just admit you want me 💀💀💀 now like Jimmy: 1. gotta start somewhere, Jessica 2. he were actually about, believe it or not! 3. he is with THAT attitude 4. I definitely don't want you spending all my 💰 either 5. I ALWAYS want to 💀💀💀 you, I've admitted that before Janis: 1. what's this? 2. so sad I missed him/my chance to seduce him for a job then 3. #ladsladslads with him forever 4. only said that 'cos you made me mad and I said for like a five not ALL your 💰 not that stereotype 5. then why are you letting either of them do it instead? Jimmy: 1. but before or instead of getting off your head were the point 2. 💔 for you and him both 3. speaking of, how many lads off that estate am I gonna have to smack before we can leave? 4. you still fuming at me or what? 5. never said I'd let it happen, just that it could do Janis: I'm not still mad at you Janis: it was a solid 60% my fault anyway Janis: I don't even know what we were talking about or then why we weren't, really Jimmy: then how do you know owt were your fault? Janis: 'cos you've explained since Jimmy: I were being a dickhead, it's not you Janis: no, it's alright Janis: you weren't Jimmy: I were and it's not alright Jimmy: you're the only bit that's not shit and taking the rest out on you ain't gonna change them, it'll only fuck this up an' all Janis: I'm not looking to make any of it harder Janis: that's not what a mate should do Jimmy: and I made it loads easier for you a bit ago when I already knew you weren't 😁 Janis: that's really nothing though Janis: stupid high school level shit Jimmy: meant to be cheering you up, that's what I said I'd do Jimmy: not nowt that I did the opposite Janis: okay, but I wasn't helping you none neither Janis: so we can be even Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: 🤝 Janis: am I going to need to come find you? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: um, a really valid one from experience Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: I'm not the one who's pissed, tah very much Janis: you exaggerate Jimmy: you take the piss Jimmy: I'm not lost Janis: okay, okay Janis: it'd be rude not to check Janis: you could die Janis: or 🥶🥶🥶 Jimmy: too northern for that bollocks Jimmy: what kind of truce is this? Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: have a swing, I'll be there in a bit Janis: someone's hoyed 'em over Janis: so rude Jimmy: fuck's sake Jimmy: never did answer me on how many lads I'd have to 🥊 Janis: Not sure if it was one of them Janis: I'll ask for you Jimmy: 💰 on it being you when you were FUMING Jimmy: trying to blame these poor lads now Janis: 😱 Janis: I WOULD NEVER Janis: pain to get back down, even if your da is like, freakishly tall or something Jimmy: never admit it now I've caught you out, more like Jimmy: know what you're like Jimmy: trying to show off and make the most of your 🦒 perks Janis: yeah, all these lads are SO cool Jimmy: never said it were for them Jimmy: might've been waiting to impress me Janis: well are you impressed? Jimmy: haven't seen the state of nowt yet Janis: you're an idiot Jimmy: yeah 🤏 Janis: I like it Jimmy: then I'll live Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: ? Janis: Would it make it better or worse if I come back to yours Jimmy: better this time, worse the next Janis: What would you rather I do? Jimmy: you know the answer to that Janis: but are you sure Jimmy: are you? Janis: I'll be fine going to my nans, for me Janis: I don't know what's better for you Janis: yeah, I can delay it now, or let it be less tonight than it COULD be Janis: but neither of those feels good Janis: so I just wanna do what you want Jimmy: so stay Janis: okay Jimmy: okay Janis: we could get rid of him the old-fashioned way Jimmy: stop flirting with me Jimmy: I'll get lost Janis: seriously Janis: how hard can it be Jimmy: piss easy if you don't care about the bit where you get caught Jimmy: how you gonna walk my 🐕 from prison? Janis: well that's why we do it properly Janis: just need to do the groundwork Janis: keep slyly telling any nosy neighbours you're moving back soon because he's lost his job, so they don't @ him Janis: then backdate a resignation letter to send to his work Jimmy: then what? Jimmy: can't actually piss off back up north without the dickhead Janis: well, you could, ferry is well cheap Janis: what you'd do when you get there is another issue Jimmy: keep dreaming, baby Jimmy: it's never gonna happen Jimmy: you're stuck with me for a bit Janis: I don't want you to leave anyway Janis: not my dream Jimmy: what'd you bring it up for then? Janis: you could stay and we could kill him Jimmy: we'd be prime suspects Jimmy: and they'd take the 👶👶🐕 off me Janis: nah, 'cos if we sort work and your neighbours and move you in with me who's looking Janis: 💡 Janis: see Jimmy: your whole family'd be 👀🍿 Jimmy: and your 🐕 best mate'd be eaten by 🐈🐈🐈 Janis: hardly Janis: 2 of my sisters got married before they were 20 and one of 'em is dead Janis: can't say nothing Janis: don't fight how much sense it makes tah Jimmy: you're so Janis: fucked up? Jimmy: not what I were gonna say Janis: they are Janis: try and distance myself from it but Jimmy: if we were judging each other by our family I'd come off loads worse Jimmy: no tah Janis: no need to have the competition Jimmy: 'cause you're losing Janis: nah Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: 🏆 goes to me Janis: nope no no no nah Janis: you have no idea and you don't need it Jimmy: alright, stop going on about it and 🗨 something you want me to know Janis: 😳 Jimmy: go on Janis: bit on the spot, like you say Jimmy: but you're 💭 about something or you wouldn't be 😳 Janis: too bad you're not a 🧠📖 Jimmy: just have to read your body language instead Jimmy: [show up sir] Janis: ['scuse us random park people, biggest run and hug ever] Jimmy: [holding onto her for the longest time and we're not sorry] Janis: [lowkey like don't cry gal, so overwhelmed and drunk dangerous combo here] Jimmy: [gal we know all about trying not to cry Imma get you out of here asap] Janis: [not letting you say anything intelligible yet] Jimmy: [it's fine we're totally picking her up so we can leave] Janis: [soz not soz to the lads who clearly thought you were about to get off with them or something] Jimmy: [bye bye boys have fun] Janis: [hope you're near enough to his lads 'I'm really sorry'] Jimmy: ['it's alright' cos it is and snuggling her as we carry her like] Janis: [sighs 'it's not' but we mean everything else so we're snuggling him back even harder Jimmy: [kissing the top of her head like yeah it is] Janis: ['you're the loveliest, that's what I want you to know'] Jimmy: [clearly 😳 about this because not what we expected her to say but we're also doing a little genuine smile so] Janis: [just softly stroking his cheeks though you probably can't even see in this light/state we just know, about to blurt something about but just about catching ourselves 'tell me something then'] Jimmy: ['are you gonna remember it?' cos we gonna catch ourselves too before being too extra] Janis: ['yes!' indignantly like how dare you, nudging him like go on 'I'll tell you another if you do'] Jimmy: ['alright, one thing I want you to know is how much this means' keeping it deliberately vague as if we're just talking about the Ian situation because we clearly aren't lol 'to me that you-that you're-' still not finishing our sentences though soz about it] Janis: [squeezing him wherever you're holding onto him, but gently please let's not fall and die here although 'I love you' not leaving like a sec here 'like I care about you, you know' and how rushed that last bit is like and I oop] Jimmy: [we've straight up died so whatever we say back is too muffled to understand because we're hardcore hiding in the bae and also using our softest voice ever] Janis: [casual panic happening in silence here but we move, meant it and can't take it back so at least you're drunk enough that you can't really try to run away rn] Jimmy: [lifting our head when she moves because we think she's gonna try and run away and that's a hard no from us 'always gotta one up me, you' but we're still using our soft voice so you know it's not a pisstake 'not gonna win the awards against you but I care about you an' all'] Janis: [shrugs like yes, that's what it was, of course 'just that good'] Jimmy: ['I know' giving her 😍 as we say it because we mean it] Janis: [going in for a makeout moment] Jimmy: [allowing it because he also meant it when he said he missed her and the feels are too high not to even though she's drunk and he's obvs not] Janis: [it's fine, we know we're being extra with it because we are drunk so it's not like you've got it wrong boy] Jimmy: [we're being extra too cos we're in our emotions and I don't trust you to speak rn sir, always makes me laugh like how far have we even gotten away from this park] Janis: [seriously, like you already said it girl you better stop lmao, I hope far enough that we're not giving a free show, also you're nearly at his but probably not knowing y'all] Jimmy: [hope you're at least off this estate so we're not getting whistled and shouted at by chavs cos that'll really ruin the moment] Janis: [like get that you're both in this moment but there's only so much you can ignore really] Jimmy: [I'll make it rain or snow if I have to lads so that'll move along, don't test me] Janis: [least you're gonna have some urgency by how hard we're going rn 'cos no shame] Jimmy: [an incentive to get home is very much needed cos Ian will be a delight] Janis: [I'm like gal do not speak that could be disastrous] Jimmy: [going upstairs immediately for all the reasons] Janis: [can't come for Ian and his life, it'd be amusing but make everything worse so not rn, in that bed tah] Jimmy: [we'll give you other opportunities gal but this is not the one] Janis: [not when you're drunk, not gonna be witty, just like fuck you bitch] Jimmy: [it's gonna be ages before you get back anyway cos we know y'all will keep stopping, never any chill] Janis: [we all know it, there is no chill now or ever] Jimmy: [hence I am making you walk, not letting you anywhere near a bus or anything rn] Janis: [do we wanna skip to being at his or to the AM or quoiiiii] Jimmy: [good question, we can probably skip to later at his because you can't avoid Ian forever, even if we're kind and say he's not around when they first get there] Janis: [what's your vibe like is he gonna come in and make Jimmy come out to talk or ambush him like what's the tea sis] Jimmy: [I feel like Jimothy's gonna have to go make tea at some point because it's his love language so he'll probably get ambushed in the kitchen then] Janis: [ugh SIR] Jimmy: [is nothing sacred you bitch, but at least she'll be upstairs so she can't brawl him and Twix will run up cos she will be scared so that'll distract you gal] Janis: [like if we heard brawling ourselves we would come down but I'd like to hope you're keeping it to shouting rn, have some shame dickhead, just look after this baby dog] Jimmy: [I would hope he is just shouting because he's that dickhead that wants to appear like he's not one and like what's to stop Janis telling literally everyone including her social worker nan so] Janis: [right, even if you think she's trash, I don't think you're being that dumb with it ever] Jimmy: [shamelessly just gonna bring the bae tea and biscuits as if that didn't happen] Janis: [trying not to be like !!! but we're also not gonna pretend as hard, patting the bed like come here] Jimmy: [obvs we do and do a feelsy lean when we're there cos we both need it] Janis: ['really wants Lucas to like him' because we know there's fuck all we can actually say to be of use, but we're tucking him back in and cuddling him] Jimmy: [a little lol because 1. funny 2. not what we expected her to say 3. relief that she hasn't said something that'll make it awks and that Ian didn't kick off any harder/try and kick her out] Janis: [equally small smile 'cos we love to see it but we do not love the rest of this situation so we're not buzzing obviously] Jimmy: [draw it bigger with our fingertip because we've remembered our 😁 challenge] Janis: [write LOL on him like okay, whilst we're here let's sort that out] Jimmy: [do some !! on her like epic lols please] Janis: [go to tickle him like it can be arranged] Jimmy: [obvs tickling her back like excuse you it's meant to be you doing it] Janis: [we are loling but still trying to tickle him and get him too] Jimmy: [never far from a playfight which I love for you and also I imagine that Twix is probably still around so joining in] Janis: [don't bark gal or do because we don't care about you Ian but bit rude to Cass, just pinning him and being like 'my offer still stands' which like, explain yourself but we're not lol] Jimmy: [also don't spill that tea or crush those biscuits/ let Twix get either of them while you're living your best life, obvs giving her a look like ?] Janis: [my boo always so concerned about the tea situation, runs a finger along his throat and looks meaningfully at the door like you know who] Jimmy: [I am and I'm not soz boo, but jimothy meanwhile is gonna just give you a lovebite/go over an existing one on your throat gal like I'd rather just kill you thank you] Janis: [doing the opposite of complaining about it] Jimmy: [taking the encouragement and going harder as a result of it duh] Janis: [when you can't breathe casually, pulling him closer into us 'please'] Jimmy: [kick that dog out so she doesn't cockblock you soz Twix, casually looks like you're like nope and leaving] Janis: [Twix is probably 🥺 but we definitely are x2 🥺🥺] Jimmy: [don't worry we're running back immediately to kiss you INTENSELY] Janis: [getting in his lap, duh, and looking at him for ages 'lovely' like yes, I was correct] Jimmy: [putting his finger on her nose like he's pointing at her cos no you] Janis: [grabbing the finger and then we're holding both his hands 'how am I going to make you happy?'] Jimmy: ['you already have done' because true that we've already forgotten about Ian's bullshit lbr cos we're in love] Janis: ['I could do better' 'you deserve better'] Jimmy: ['you just wanna take the challenge off me' because we can't even deal with our emotions over her saying that] Janis: ['I just wanna-' and kissing him again like let me show you] Jimmy: [a very enthusiastic response in all the ways possible because same] Janis: [have your moment kiddos, cannot express how much she's calling him baby] Jimmy: [cannot overstate how into that he is and will forever be] Janis: [being a perfect combo of intense but soft rn] Jimmy: [Cass gonna wish she was deaf too, first Ian shouting and now this lol] Janis: [thank god for headphones gal soz still not gonna be our fan for a while lol] Jimmy: [she's really not cos already had to dump Bobby on her when we had work then had to find Janis and now all this is shamelessly going on, soz gal] Janis: [it's fine, we'd hate us too in your position and we will win you 'round in the end] Jimmy: [I'm sure Jimothy will also do something to make it up to you cos he's just that bitch even though he's fuming at you for not walking Twix ever] Janis: [lowkey don't deserve it but you lucky gal and not shading you too hard] Jimmy: [we all know you're strugging rn gal it's okay] Janis: [not helping your brother but this isn't meant to be your job any more than it's meant to be his] Jimmy: [and we'll let you get your bf and friends soon and then you can walk Twix together] Janis: [and you'll be happy, despite the fact you go back up north, that's your business hen] Jimmy: [what if he sends her a valentine and that's what starts this lil otp] Janis: [that would be very cute do it] Jimmy: [like idk if he goes to your school or if he's putting in through your door or if he even signs it but we know bitch] Janis: [we should be nice and say he goes to your school so you have company but it should be a ? 'cos that's cute, I've only ever got one of those and it was from nannie haha] Jimmy: [I've derailed us but yeah that felt like a nice thing to happen amidst all the drama] Janis: [hohaha you'd be so embarrassed gal, be nice Jimothy aka shamelessly tease her] Jimmy: [simply must] Janis: [but yes, we're probably good for tonight unless you really wanna 'round 2 Ian] Jimmy: [do you wanna do the am?] Janis: [sure ting honey, it's a tuesday, so you'll be having to get Bobby ready for school and Ian will be gone so that's good] Jimmy: [leaving the bae in bed while we do our big brother duties but we will be bringing you breakfast gal you know it] Janis: 👋😪 Janis: you want any help? Jimmy: did I teach you the signs for hurry the fuck up? Janis: 🤔 Janis: [clip of her doing the thing where you gesture towards yourself frantically like LETS GO] Janis: ? Jimmy: that'd do Janis: does he know I'm here? Jimmy: he'd have come to ask you loads of questions about his missus if he did Janis: 💔 ouch Jimmy: if you fancy jumping out at him, the 🐕'll give you a hand knocking him about and getting his attention Janis: I'm not that offended Janis: be a bit rude Janis: plus if your sister knows I'm here, she definitely wants to see me even less Jimmy: but I might want to Jimmy: bit rude of you not to think about that Janis: Please Janis: I think about you ALL the time Janis: and you've seen a lot of me lately Jimmy: 🥺🥺🥺 Jimmy: me and the 🐕 are having a 💔💪🏆 Janis: she's FUMING at me Janis: I went to the bathroom and she was giving me 🔪🔪👀 Jimmy: the 🐕 or my sister? Janis: 🐕 Janis: your fault Janis: haven't you noticed her 😤 😠 😡 🤬 Jimmy: Oi, nowt to do with me, I never said you went to the park without her Janis: you kicked her out Janis: I remember Janis: also she was scrapping at the door Jimmy: not my fault you never said that were a kink of yours Jimmy: should've if you wanted her kept in Janis: shut up Janis: I said she was mad, not me Jimmy: she'll get over it once I sort her breakfast out Jimmy: what do you want? Janis: for 🥞🧇🥓🍳 or in life in general Jimmy: obvs to eat, dickhead Jimmy: but if there's owt else I can do an' all, go on Janis: cheek that you don't wanna know all about my ambitions and dreams in the morning Janis: @ the gals with that relatable content Jimmy: I LITERALLY just said tell me so that's bollocks Janis: woe is me 😉 can't hear you over all my 😭 Jimmy: poor baby Janis: are you going to school today? Jimmy: are you? Janis: haven't got my uniform Jimmy: you can borrow my spare if that's the only thing putting you off Janis: school is always off-putting Janis: but didn't know if you were gonna go in to shut him up Jimmy: if it were that piss easy I might do Janis: yeah Janis: I'll come in, if you are Janis: I usually have mine in my bag but I left that at home when I went out last night, for some reason Jimmy: probably weren't planning on going, we still don't have to Janis: what do you want to do? Jimmy: if we don't go? Janis: well I meant are we going or not Janis: but go on Jimmy: whatever is the most #ultimategoals bollocks we can think of, duh Janis: do you reckon any of them have heard of bed peace Janis: 😴😴😴 Jimmy: will have once I'm done 📷🥇 Janis: you're gonna koala onto the side of me? Janis: you're basically scouse, yeah 😏 Jimmy: unless you fancy making another fort downstairs, been ages since the last one Janis: just say you want to babe Janis: I'll get started whilst you're taking him in Jimmy: only thinking of you 🦒 Janis: it's a bit of a squeeze Janis: stretched out rn though Jimmy: very subtle Jimmy: I won't hurry back Janis: 🥺🥺 Janis: fine Jimmy: make up your mind, girl Janis: you know what I want Janis: read my mind, boy Jimmy: I miss you an' all Janis: compared to the school run, I'm a delight, obvs Jimmy: but hang on, some of them yummy mummies really dress up so you've got a bit of competition Janis: you have fun with that then Jimmy: 🤞😁🤞 OBVS Janis: you're gross Janis: and I'm going back to bed Jimmy: actual 🤞 you don't 🤮 in my 🗑 Janis: I ain't even hungover Jimmy: 'cause I came and got you before you could get too off your head Janis: you act like you've never done it Jimmy: never said that Janis: What, then? Jimmy: nowt 🤐 Janis: why'd you come though Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: why can't I ask? Jimmy: what's it matter? it's done now Janis: alright Jimmy: there's 🗨 you can read before I did Janis: that would require reading my own 🗨 Janis: I'd rather leave it 🤐 Jimmy: alright Janis: 👍 Janis: I'll take the dog out Jimmy: what happened to going back to 😴? Janis: I'm not sleepy Jimmy: tah then Janis: no worries Jimmy: 👍 Janis: it doesn't need to be weird Jimmy: what? Janis: ➡️ ⬅️ ⬆️ ⬇️ ↗️ ↘️ ↙️ ↖️ Janis: this Jimmy: you're the one calling it weird to say it don't need to be Janis: I'm just saying I don't wanna start up the whole thing again, that's all Jimmy: that's alright by me Janis: okay Janis: ignore me Jimmy: I don't want to ignore you Janis: okay, don't, but I mean Janis: I'm not trying to be a dick Jimmy: I'll give you a 🏆 if you manage it Jimmy: 😏 Janis: fair but fuck off 😂 Janis: not going for 😇 fake gf Jimmy: what you going for? Janis: 😈 DUH Jimmy: you can have that 🏆 Janis: I'd fight you if you disagreed on that Jimmy: no need as it's fake Jimmy: I'll agree to owt as long as it's on brand Janis: that ain't fake Jimmy: last night it were Jimmy: SO nice you 😇🏆🥇 Janis: that was mate stuff Janis: not fake gf Jimmy: let's just be mates today then Jimmy: I'm 🥱😴 if you're not Janis: subtle way to say just be nice to me all day Janis: but alright Jimmy: I'll do it back, not that much of a dickhead Janis: doesn't sound terrible Jimmy: 🤝? Janis: 🤝 Janis: and I could sleep, so don't need to worry about me creepily watching you and/or stealing all your shit whilst you 🥱😴 Jimmy: I ain't Jimmy: you've had loads of chances to do both before now Janis: gain your trust first, not an amateur Jimmy: and what, you reckon you have? Janis: yep Janis: like you said, could've easily done both by now Jimmy: 👌 Janis: oi, are you saying I haven't? Jimmy: I said I weren't bothered about you thieving or 👀 at us 😴 Jimmy: don't mean I trust you, mate, just that I've got nowt worth nicking and don't reckon I'm 🎨 Janis: Psh, that's a blatant lie Jimmy: which bit? Janis: not reckoning you're 🎨 Janis: you and your massive head Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: if that weren't bollocks I'd be my own muse Janis: selfies aren't #art Janis: that's the truth, pretentious hipster Jimmy: take one and watch the fans disagree Janis: you do the same Janis: you know what you look like Jimmy: [obviously does because no fucks given ever] Jimmy: there you go then Janis: see Janis: you're Janis: your DMs will 💥 'cos I'm not in it Jimmy: have to take loads with you in Jimmy: good job you're not hungover Janis: I've not seen myself yet Janis: could be 👹 Jimmy: 📷 Jimmy: it's your go Janis: [a bed selfie where you clearly look good 'cos when do you not, bitches be mad] Janis: demanding, you Jimmy: if I were next to you there I would be Janis: ���� Janis: rude to say that and not be Jimmy: I thought it'd be ruder not to 🗨 soz Jimmy: taking our 🤝 dead serious, me Janis: speechless is a bit far Jimmy: Dunno you might reckon the nicest thing I can do is shut up Janis: nah Janis: I've told you loads I don't mind it Janis: your 🗨 Jimmy: [a voice memo that's full of compliments about that selfie because of course] Janis: I already missed you Janis: you had to make me admit it, didn't you Jimmy: weren't why but I'm not fuming that you feel the same as me Janis: you shouldn't be allowed out of this bed Janis: s'what I reckon Jimmy: we can stay there long as you want Janis: ⛓😍 Jimmy: be like Lucas is about Jimmy: no need to go to english Janis: yeah, smart to mouth off to your captor Janis: think on Jimmy: #thickandnorthern Jimmy: you have been warned before Janis: damn, I thought you said thicc Janis: misled Jimmy: 💔🎻😭 for you Janis: yeah, pretty gutted Janis: you'll do for now Jimmy: til you @ some fatter northern dickhead Janis: have to change my tinder location Jimmy: not much of a #kink since you ain't even offered to make me owt for breakfast Janis: those are perks you've not even fake unlocked Jimmy: or answered what you want Janis: surprise me Janis: I'll get you something on the way back with the dog Jimmy: already outted yourself as not a real feeder, no need to follow through on it Janis: you don't like surprises...? Jimmy: you heard that I don't trust you Janis: it's breakfast Jimmy: it were you who asked the question Janis: alright Janis: your loss Jimmy: I do like surprises from you, the 🎄🎁 were good Janis: You ain't bad either Janis: no 🎅 shithead Jimmy: 💕 Janis: dunno how I'm gonna top it Jimmy: got ages before you have to Jimmy: not expecting THAT 🥇 of a breakfast, like Janis: wait and 👀 boy Janis: 💪🏆 Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: I get it, you want me to have to compete with whatever 🍳🍞☕️🥞🧇🥓 I'm knocking up for you Janis: How else will you learn, babe? Janis: or maybe I just wanna do something nice, dickhead Jimmy: what's 🐕🏃 if not that? Janis: nothing new Janis: feel like that's all I friggin do Jimmy: who 🗨 it had to be something new? Jimmy: not 🥱😴 of you Janis: **because I keep you on your toes Jimmy: you're still about, that's all I want Janis: tah Janis: proximity is your biggest selling point as well Jimmy: 👏 @iantaylor8 for pissing about in this shithole instead of the one he was born in Janis: I'll @ my grandparents whilst I'm at it Jimmy: I meant you being at my 🏠 still but alright Jimmy: if they wanna take a bit of credit for that, you did say you didn't wanna go there Janis: already rude you have to split it 50/50 with your dad so Janis: not technically their fault, even if they'd hardly be happy I got pissed on a school day Jimmy: bit rude you didn't save me any tbh Jimmy: but not a surprise so I can't be fuming about it Janis: weren't my alcohol Janis: you could've hoe'd for it like the rest of us Jimmy: read the room a bit and they weren't chuffed to see me 💔🎻 Janis: awh babes Janis: 😞😘 Jimmy: your fault that you were, could've toned it down 🤏 and let me have some mates Janis: excuse me, you weren't hanging about to chat neither Jimmy: convenient that, you chucking the blame back over here Janis: you could've chucked me back if you were actually arsed Jimmy: might've been a good shout but I had a look and none of 'em were as fit as you Janis: now THAT'S a compliment Jimmy: take it then Janis: How can I? Janis: so overwhelmed you fancy me more than a bunch of greasy 16 year olds in tracksuits Jimmy: you're in the right place to have a lie down, you'll be alright Janis: OBVIOUSLY I prefer to swoon directly into your arms but Janis: have to do Janis: long as you reckon I'm dead when you get back and top yourself Janis: 😩🤤 Jimmy: Bill wouldn't have owt else Jimmy: trying to get this ☕☠ as we 🗨 him Janis: he's so thoughtful Janis: 💕 Jimmy: [bring her whatever adorable breakfast you've made before she gets out of bed because we know what this gal is like] Janis: [shamelessly giving you a massive smooch like you're gonna be gone forever] Jimmy: [it will feel like forever and we all know it, also shamelessly doing a little photoshoot so his dms don't blow up and obvs no other reason like she's the cutest ever] Janis: [so domestic, so cute] Jimmy: [the effort to tear himself away I lol you'll be right back sir] Janis: [and we all know you're not going to school so like, you have all day kids, god bless] Jimmy: [too in love] Janis: [bet Mia will make one of the gals dob you in] Jimmy: [she blatantly will, that snitch] Janis: [like get over it henny, why have you got nothing better on] Jimmy: [your jealousy and bitterness is simply not bringing us down rn hun] Janis: [we're already in trouble and don't care so like, what do you think you're achieving] Jimmy: [you're just annoying Grace even more than you already do gal, sadly she has not yet yeeted and we will have to endure the notp of her and Harry] Jimmy: [jimothy meanwhile is living his best life sending the bae pisstakey pics of these mums on the school run] Janis: ugh, put your tongue away Jimmy: @ the 🐕 Jimmy: nowt but 😎🖍 here Janis: well that was SO 🤓 so Janis: speak for yourself, not him Janis: dragging down his playground cred Jimmy: alright 😒🌧 then Janis: you'll get all the single mums that ain't learnt their lesson after you then Janis: sensible ones trying to tempt away the nice male teacher or one of the active dads Jimmy: #ultimatekinkunlocked Jimmy: Asia's mum Janis: She would Janis: you should, at least make Asia fuming Jimmy: see if I can convince her to 🔒 our kid's BFF in a cupboard or some bollocks an' all Jimmy: send her off to wherever the fuck she's named after Janis: must look up to the 💀💀s more that one Jimmy: must take after Asia with her 🧠 AND 🦷🦷 Janis: Poor little fuckers Jimmy: should have the full orchestra hanging about on this school run Janis: right? Janis: it's well depressing Jimmy: 💔 you ain't trained the 🐕 to take him to school for us Janis: soz she still needs a babysitter herself, like Janis: she'll be out of the puppy stage soon-ish and less of a handful but Nana is still a bit of a 💭 Jimmy: convenient excuses them, Janet Janis: 😒 Jimmy: *😏 Janis: I thought you were trained better than this, tbh Jimmy: said as you're having breakfast in bed Janis: you're saying I should be telling you how grateful I am rn? Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: Hmm Jimmy: wind your 🦒 neck in Jimmy: I'm being nice Janis: Charming as ever 😂 Jimmy: [writes some v charming and extra post like there you go] Janis: it's gross yet impressive how fast you can turn it on Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: post about how fast you can turn it on would seem a bit cheap rn Janis: I'll be more 💕 too I GUESS Janis: [post it bitch] Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: now give me what the 1st draft were Janis: [something way more 🔥] Jimmy: you been holding out on me this whole time or what? Janis: can't distract you from your duties/milf hunting Jimmy: you've just proved you can Janis: alright, shouldn't Jimmy: why? Janis: because you're having SUCH a good time already Janis: what kind of mate? Jimmy: a TOP one, duh Janis: you haven't been that nice Janis: 💔 Jimmy: how have I not? Janis: aforementioned milfs Janis: 🥺 Jimmy: Baby Jimmy: I'm sending those pisstaking 📷 of them but I'm looking at the ones of you Janis: Jealousy isn't cute, I get it Jimmy: whatever you do is cute, every dickhead gets that Janis: you're not every dickhead Janis: and I'm not that bitch Jimmy: and the kind of dickhead I am is alright with who you are Janis: ew Janis: 🤫🤫🤫 Jimmy: Oi Janis: we don't do mushy Jimmy: calm yourself down, I'll chuck a pillow at you in a bit or some bollocks Janis: I'll start an argument if you like Jimmy: has been AGES since the last one Janis: 👍 Janis: so much fun Jimmy: for Bill, I'd be chuffed to leave it out with the #drama Janis: unlucky Jimmy: for you, not being able to compete with Ian when it comes to having a strop Jimmy: I'll live Janis: fuck off Jimmy: this you starting the 🥊? Janis: you'd know if it was Janis: so no Jimmy: 👍 Janis: let's not Janis: I can't be arsed to go into school Jimmy: you know I don't wanna fight with you Janis: then we're not Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: I'm capable Jimmy: never said you weren't Janis: you don't need to when you keep calling me stroppy like I'm Libi's fucking age Jimmy: I'm only pissing about Jimmy: call me what you like Janis: not feeling the 🤤 now soz Jimmy: 💔 Janis: isn't it just Janis: me and the 🐕 are out, if you rush, the bed will still be warm-ish Jimmy: 🏃 Jimmy: how much food she nick off you? Janis: erm she had to wait patiently until I was done Jimmy: alright, bighead Janis: can't help being dominant Jimmy: send tweet Jimmy: I'll get one of the 🎻 to play for you Janis: for you Janis: 🥈 Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😏 Janis: ask Lucas, under me is EXACTLY where you wanna be, dickhead Jimmy: I'll @ him while I'm waiting for you Janis: better than the milfs Janis: he can't come 'round and seduce you Janis: #doubleenglishfirstperiod Jimmy: have to use his words Janis: if that's a hint Jimmy: for him that he can't half arse this just 'cause he's got one of Bill's classics to teach Janis: good luck Janis: he's way more touchy feely, despite the job title Jimmy: tah babe 😘 Janis: what's your angle Janis: besides being 2nd choice to me Jimmy: don't need one Jimmy: it's just that REAL between us, obvs Janis: 👌 Janis: what a nice change Jimmy: gotta have something to do when you're pissing about with this 🐕 Janis: thought you were 🥱😴? Jimmy: thought you promised me breakfast Janis: You can't nap and leave me to it? Janis: got loads of fantasies to be cracking on with, nothing else Jimmy: too excited, me Jimmy: you proper talked up how 🥇 it were gonna be a bit ago Janis: ✊💦 help you finish Janis: what a morning you're having Jimmy: don't keep you about for nowt Janis: aside from the fact I allegedly wouldn't go home Jimmy: it weren't like I were gonna make you Jimmy: or wanted to Janis: cheers Janis: if I was gonna argue with anyone Janis: better be you Janis: sorry Jimmy: we called a truce, you weren't allowed Janis: right Janis: be a bit rude to Jimmy: and you've got nowt to be sorry for Janis: I remember what we actually did Janis: so I know Jimmy: no hangover, not even that much of a pisshead in the first place, yeah I heard Janis: okay Janis: I know I was a bit Janis: not the end of the world Jimmy: not having a go Janis: thank god Jimmy: meant what I said Janis: what part? Jimmy: all of them Janis: nice and specific Janis: but okay Jimmy: alright, specifically not being a massive dickhead to you Jimmy: today at least Janis: don't worry Janis: you're never that bad Janis: not 🥇 anyway Jimmy: that's bollocks but sounds like 🥊🗨 an' all so I'll leave it out Janis: you reckon you're Ian levels of 🤬? Janis: nah Jimmy: there'd be a massive scale between him and me Jimmy: don't mean I weren't a twat to you before Janis: well you are a dickhead, don't need to apologize for who you are, like Janis: you're my mate, yeah Jimmy: your best mate, keep having to tell you Janis: I've still got the necklace Jimmy: be a bit rude if you'd chucked it Janis: don't just wear it when you're about Jimmy: don't just use my lighter when you are Janis: Your habit is pretty extensive Jimmy: 🚬's dead addictive, you not heard? Janis: 😱 Janis: and you let me have some Janis: wow Jimmy: not your daddy Jimmy: and it's a bit late for your growth to get stunted, Judith Janis: you're trying to make yourself feel tall Janis: that makes sense, Tom Jimmy: if I were bothered I'd chuck on a pair of 👠 Janis: or take a saw to mine Jimmy: I'll try not to go as far as fucking up your ankle again Jimmy: right ball ache that were Janis: why are you lying kathy Jimmy: Dunno what you mean Jimmy: ain't a 🪓 under this pillow or owt Jimmy: just me and my ⛓ how you're used to Janis: I'll come back then Janis: if you're promising no surprises Jimmy: [a pic of him snuggled in bed like see there's no danger] Janis: you're cute Jimmy: you Janis: I've got the evidence right in front of me so Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: 👀📷 Janis: I'd take better ones but there's nothing very sexy about freezing my nips off Janis: you can, when I'm back Jimmy: warm you up a bit first Janis: you will Jimmy: can easily promise that Janis: It's not easy though Janis: you're just good Jimmy: never been a hard job, can't take all the credit for that Jimmy: 🤏 you an' all Jimmy: probably have to share the 🏆 at least Janis: alright Janis: we can drink from it Janis: toast to how easy it is Jimmy: long as Bill's 👻 don't try and take over like the proud dad he is Janis: ☠ later Jimmy: he'll have to wait til after I've 💀💀💀 you loads of other ways Janis: you first in that respect Janis: always Jimmy: them lads from that estate'll still be fuming about it Jimmy: swings'll be 🔥 Janis: was never gonna get drunk enough to do shit with them 🤷 Jimmy: not enough drinks in whatever shop they robbed for you to wanna bother, I get it Janis: obviously Janis: not the only girl to ever fuck them over like that, they'll survive Janis: least they can't accuse me of being frigid without sounding stupid now Jimmy: if anyone's still calling you that it'll be me that's fuming Jimmy: what more have I gotta do, like? Janis: 🍆📹 they wish Jimmy: come here then Janis: 😏 Jimmy: *🏃 Janis: I get it, you need both hands free Jimmy: dunno what's ruder, that you're not well trained enough to leg it to me when I click my fingers or that you reckon I don't already have a tripod set up Janis: right, you're a PROFESSIONAL pervert Janis: excuse me Jimmy: get it right Janis: get yourself to church Jimmy: hang on, I'll @ your shit nan, see if she can pick me up Janis: I'll stop 🏃 then Jimmy: or just 🏃 faster Janis: you think I want to fight my nan again Jimmy: didn't know it were a habit Janis: oh Janis: yeah, obvs Jimmy: alright, if it stops you trying to 🥊 with me Janis: bit selfish but Janis: 👌 Jimmy: never said I weren't Janis: I definitely am so not gonna say nothing Jimmy: already said I like you, not gonna risk 🗨 it again after how that went Janis: no accounting for taste Jimmy: 💔🎻 Jimmy: got time to dry my eyes before you get back Janis: just about Janis: but I know you, so don't worry too much Jimmy: Oi Janis: I like you too Jimmy: that's alright then Jimmy: no need to chuck you out Janis: you promised you'd warm me up first Jimmy: 'course I will Jimmy: not an utter bastard Janis: I know Janis: fuck knows why I like you Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: Bill's gonna do you a list, look less bigheaded coming from him Janis: 🤏 Janis: [come back now] Jimmy: [show her why she likes you with the most extra and enthusiastic welcome ever] Janis: [thank god everyone has gone so we can do what we like, even Twix be having her breakfast rn] Jimmy: [the actual freedom because that's never a thing for him] Janis: [true, when he's here the kids always are, live your best life honeys, not that you were being considerate last night but you know lol] Jimmy: [the feelings just keep getting higher, they can't be blamed or tamed, 100000000% gonna get in the shower together later and run up Ian's water bill too not soz] Janis: [hohaha you know he's the type to be fuming so we gotta] Jimmy: [he's gonna be so fuming when Janis leaves because you've skipped school again as well, not looking forward to that but for now, I'm buzzing for you both] Janis: [no, we're all worried about that, lowkey trying to never leave again but we know we have to soon, just like 🥺] Jimmy: [it's not gonna be nice, fuck you Ian, thank god things are going well for jj rn so if he kicks jimothy out in the cold or something post brawl at least we have the bae] Janis: [subtly moves self in so Ian can never kick off again, we know that that is eventually what's gonna happen but sadly not yet] Jimmy: [can't wait for that] Janis: [lowkey take over your house because what you gon do sir, look after your children? unlikely] Jimmy: [or out yourself as an actual utter bastard by kicking off, even more unlikely] Janis: [like you can be salty but if you even asked for rent or whatever to try and get her out she'd just pay it so soz] Jimmy: [so glad Janis has worked out what Ian is really like because it'd seem like he was making it up/ it wasn't as bad if she hadn't] Janis: [the injuries don't lie, and if he'd got them from scrapping or whatever he would've just said 'cos it's much less shameful so we know] Jimmy: [and soz but who would this soft boy be fighting you're not a massive slag giving him grief like his ex] Janis: [exactly, we already know he ain't that boy either so like, pretend all you like Ian, we see you] Jimmy: [not soz he's not actually Liam 2.0 and a mad lad] Janis: [you'll see eventually fam, anywhosers, do we wanna do any of their day or skip to when she's gotta think about leaving] Jimmy: [we can probably skip because we know the vibe when they're together] Janis: [when are you gonna think you've gotta leave hmm] Jimmy: [and am I making you go to work after school or not hmm] Janis: [that would make sense, if you go to work and you leave] Jimmy: [let's do that then why not] Jimmy: [probably go pick Bobby up from school first and maybe take him and Twix to the park or something for a bit because Cass gonna mad at you after last night so] Janis: [yeah, we can give you that time, he's primary so he probably gets out pretty early] Jimmy: you wanna come with me? Jimmy: do some ☕🎨 Janis: tempting offer, boy Janis: I DO need to perfect the 💕 for the BIG day Jimmy: for the fans who ain't 😎 enough for the smoke rings I taught you Janis: all of them? Jimmy: SHOOK that you've forgotten the dickheads who vape Jimmy: good to know you ain't getting me one of them for the BIG day Janis: I bet they have flavours that are well appropriate though Janis: all 🍓🍧🍨🧁🍭🍬🍫 Jimmy: gimme 👼🏽🩸 and 🥀 or I don't want it 💔 Janis: That's why you've invited me Janis: 🤞 I fuck up that bad Janis: who's first aid? Jimmy: Pete 😍🤤 Jimmy: had loads of 🩺 fantasies obvs Janis: UGH Janis: what can't he do Jimmy: NOWT Jimmy: 💪🏆🩹💕 Jimmy: need a 🤕 that looks chuffed to bits Janis: 🥴 with a bandage, deffo Janis: cannot wait for my third degree burns now Jimmy: they'll probably be about though Jimmy: 💀👑 and that Jimmy: so you'll have to fake that your 😍🤤 is @ me til they've pissed off Janis: oh, duh Janis: caffeine so needed after a long day of bitching about everyone Janis: I reckon I'll manage Jimmy: haven't had their IRL 👀 on us all day Jimmy: 💔🎻😭 Janis: You need the audience, yeah? Jimmy: they need the updates Jimmy: nowt to do with me Janis: hmm Janis: alright, hate to disappoint 'em, obvs Jimmy: make it worth your ⏲ with 🥪🍪🧁 if their 👀🔪🔪 don't Janis: just don't make yourself sick of me Jimmy: bit rude to be taking the piss out of my stamina Janis: you're rude Jimmy: how am I? Jimmy: been 🥇😇 all day Janis: exactly Jimmy: I just Jimmy: don't want you to 👋 yet Janis: Me either Janis: I'm coming Jimmy: okay Janis: I just feel a bit Janis: the hangover might've caught up with me Janis: easy on the 🍪🧁 Jimmy: I'll knock you up a smoothie Janis: so behind my 💪🏆 Jimmy: DUH Jimmy: you can sit in the back again an' all if you want Janis: that's okay Janis: gotta have all 👀s on us to make it count Jimmy: nowt makes 'em more fuming than what they can't 👀 all I'm 🗨 Jimmy: you don't need to worry about chucking them the 🍿 if you don't feel alright Janis: should teach them to lip read Janis: but don't Janis: I'm okay, honest Jimmy: [teaching her how to sign stuff for if she doesn't feel well that won't be obvious to the flatwhites cos lord knows some sign language really is] Janis: [doing some you've remembered from a previous sesh like look, I've learnt] Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: 😏 I know, so impressive Janis: Libi makes me practice with her Jimmy: without me having to @ her an' all Jimmy: must be 💕 Janis: DUH Janis: don't be acting like you haven't had your 👂 signed off Jimmy: it's alright, he's deffo gonna outdo me with his 🎨 and 🎁s Jimmy: probably keep it going the whole 2 weeks, him Jimmy: CLEARLY mutual Janis: Your influence Jimmy: except I dunno what I'm gonna get you that won't make you start a scale for it from 🙄 to 🤮 Janis: you don't have to get ME fuck all Janis: you only have to 1 up the basic 🎁 every lad does Jimmy: you'll be stuck with it, might as well sort out something that's not a load of shite Janis: 👍 Janis: I'll hit Bobby up for tips Jimmy: too soon for a 💍? Jimmy: he'd say it ain't Janis: 😂 Janis: gonna have to keep an 👀 on him Jimmy: least he's only got 😍 for Libi and don't take after me in being a massive slag Jimmy: be proposing to his whole class Janis: be well pricey if he's not reusing Jimmy: have to break into one of them machines once the shop is out of the sweet ones Janis: hoeing was meant to bring in the 💰 not lose it Janis: 💔 Jimmy: not gonna say you should give him tips Jimmy: still don't wanna 🥊 tah Janis: Not gonna break no baby hearts, so you're safe for now Jimmy: now I know you're feeling 🤢 Janis: you're gonna have to later Jimmy: what for? Janis: 🥊 Janis: not me Jimmy: I thought you meant 💔👶 Jimmy: not in the job description but alright Janis: 'course not Janis: be a weird rule to have at any of 'em Janis: ☕ or 💕 Jimmy: piss easy though Janis: that's not up for debate Janis: taking the 🍭🍬 is well known Jimmy: *🍪🧁 Jimmy: off you and them Janis: so tough Jimmy: stop flirting with me Jimmy: I won't wanna go Janis: you promised you'd teach me how to do the thing Jimmy: UGH fine Janis: I'll make it worth your while Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: come on Janis: you know me Jimmy: and you know I'm only pissing about, Jules Jimmy: VERY impressive, you Jimmy: said it before Janis: I'll get you to say it again Janis: one way or another Jimmy: you can't just say that like it's nowt and we're just gonna go crack on with ☕🎨 Janis: why not? Jimmy: you know why not Janis: 🥺 Jimmy: you're so Janis: that's you Jimmy: you Janis: you did such a good job on your first job Janis: you deserve to have a good shift Jimmy: it weren't a job today Janis: true Jimmy: I'll call in sick if you want, my nursing kink ain't gone nowhere Janis: No, no Janis: we'll have a good time Jimmy: can't deny that Janis: you can but I'm gonna do my best Jimmy: you'd know I were faking if I tried to bother Janis: let's not Janis: even if they're there Janis: we can still work it Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: 🤝 Jimmy: it still won't feel like a job, however hard work 💀👑 and her mates are Janis: neither of us need it Janis: they'll see 😍 regardless 'cos they want to Jimmy: right Jimmy: we've done our 💕 posts Janis: and it's not like I'll be ignoring you Jimmy: or that I can ever ignore you Janis: they don't know the difference Jimmy: 🧠💀💀💀 Janis: and you do 💀💀 me Janis: really Jimmy: you're killing me now Janis: sorry Janis: IOU Jimmy: when you feel less hungover Janis: I don't feel hungover Janis: I just miss you and I'm gonna miss you Jimmy: no need to miss me now and if you do in a bit I'll do the balcony scene 🌹 Jimmy: gone further to come get you and I didn't get lost Janis: it was VERY impressive, baby Jimmy: do alright under pressure Jimmy: @ my manager Janis: I'll put it on the trip advisor review Jimmy: tah Janis: I'll keep it PG Janis: or at the very least be vague about which barista I'm fucking Jimmy: I get it, this were nowt but a plan to get Pete's girlfriend to piss off Janis: 🤫🤫 Janis: worked SO hard on this plan, you ain't fucking it up for me Jimmy: 🤐 for now but he'll get it out of me Janis: great, now I've got to have a threesome with you 🙄 Jimmy: need a different eye rolling emoji for that Jimmy: get a bit closer to your actual review Janis: don't you dare make me 😳 in front of him Jimmy: it ain't my fault you're 😳 whenever I'm about Janis: psh Janis: whichever way you look at it that's clearly bollocks Jimmy: you're 🗨 bollocks denying it, mate Janis: shut up Jimmy: make me Janis: you're on Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: sorted our kid out now, I can do you before we have to go Janis: 1. no you can't 2. don't add me to your to-do list Jimmy: 1. yeah I can 2. you're top of every list, don't be a dickhead Janis: I want you too much Jimmy: so come here Jimmy: there's loads I can do about that Janis: [do that] Jimmy: [I'm just like do we want these kids to ruin this for you or no cos clearly both around] Janis: [when we're gonna be so rude later we're like ahh have everything lol, you probably would get cocklblocked though being real] Jimmy: [hence I was conflicted because Ian is gonna be a huge cunt and hurt you boy but realism though] Janis: [you can have an enjoyable time at the CG before we make you say goodbye it's okay, like it's not but] Jimmy: [we're doing what we can lads, you're welcome] Jimmy: [we can totally skip to then now if you like] Janis: [skippity doo dah] Jimmy: [do we wanna do any of the CG stuff is the question or fully go to later] Janis: [we could just vibe out how the gals are 'cos we already said Mia and co are being extra like skipping school is so shocking, then skip to when they have to say goodbye 'cos it'll be emosh] Jimmy: [that's a fair shout I think because yeah we know that they'll be goals without trying so it's just how Mia's trying to be] Janis: ['cos soon she's gonna literally get him fired so clearly she's gonna be a cow] Jimmy: [making complaints like a Karen when he's literally done nothing wrong, we see you] Janis: [she should be like IS THAT GIRL TRAINED when he's letting Janis do some latte art, as if they're giving anyone the ones she's making, so then they have to stop] Jimmy: [that's so petty she would, like gal we weren't gonna serve it to you we're just having a nice time while there is a lull in customers step back] Janis: [seriously, excuse us tryna have fun, like we still will but clearly that's the vibe, any time they try to do something she's like UM] Jimmy: [yeah and any time he tries to go remotely near the bae's table she suddenly needs something as if he's the only barista here] Janis: Can she be our second victim? Janis: 🔪🔪 Jimmy: first Jimmy: no need to hang about Janis: I'll clearly poison her 'cos I dunno how to make a latte Janis: whoops Jimmy: could let you loose with the steam wand Janis: her face just looks like that Jimmy: exactly, can't be traced back to you Janis: I don't want Pete to give me his disappointed face when he has to give her a bandage and write it in the accident book though Janis: 😥 Jimmy: I'll say it were me, piss easy to get his forgiveness 😘 Janis: rude Jimmy: it's alright, I know how to get yours an' all Janis: you do not Jimmy: 😏 Janis: dickhead Janis: meant to be focused on the murder anyway, you've got well off topic Jimmy: Oi, well decent at 🤹 now, me Janis: you need to work on your 🏃 clearly Jimmy: get my 🐕 trained and then we'll 🗨 Janis: am I even qualified? Jimmy: Depends Jimmy: can you get 💀👑 to behave herself or what? Janis: could give it a go Janis: what's in it for me though Jimmy: other than getting to rub her noise in her 🤮 next time she pisses off to the 🚽 how dickheads do when their 🐕s piss, you mean? Jimmy: what else do you want? Janis: save on you cleaning it up, you mean Janis: but alright Janis: [go over to the gals table like they haven't been actively being bitchy like HEY BABES WHAT'S UP] Jimmy: [comes over too like is there anything else you need and just being subtly but not subtly touchy feely with the bae while you're there to annoy Mia like what are you gonna do bitch make a complaint cos I'm playing with her hair] Janis: [getting y'all a massive cake or muffin or whatever that you would never order yourselves like our treat!] Jimmy: [LOL I love that, Hollie will be buzzing] Janis: [finally some food, just force feeding you like what are you gonna do, say no and look weird? I think not] Jimmy: 👍 Janis: worth it for the 😨😰 Janis: just collateral the ones that eat occasionally are getting fed but I'll cope Jimmy: do you want owt or have they made you lose your appetite? Jimmy: tell me so I can fake that I 🧠📖 Janis: I'll take a smoothie Janis: bonus points that I can brag about how talented you are or whatever Jimmy: and she can have a go that I ignored a load of dickheads to get it done for you Jimmy: they must be 👻s an' all Janis: since when was 💕a crime, Mia Janis: must've been dumped Jimmy: when I'm 45 and undercover 👮🚔 but that's our secret so Janis: She'd be far too into you then Janis: no escape Jimmy: [IRL 🤫 cos he looks hot doing it and then it looks like they are being saucy with their convo lol] Janis: [🤭 energy back but not exactly that obviously] Jimmy: [😏😍 energy that is not fake because I 100% assume she's wearing his clothes rn cos not been home and looking cute af] Jimmy: [definitely giving as many LOOKs as we can while we make this smoothie] Janis: [she definitely is so that's adorable and we never need to fake this energy lbr] Jimmy: [you've never had to fake much of anything we know and that's why this works] Janis: [mhmm, faking an interest in y'alls convo however? very much so] Janis: please tell me you're due a 🚬 soon Jimmy: manager ain't about to stop me Jimmy: bit busy with his 👂🩸 from all her whinging probably Janis: definitely better not go out back as it's staff only Jimmy: What?! 😱 you DON'T work here? Jimmy: top ☕🎨 like that! Janis: I know right?! Janis: #hiremegreg Jimmy: [writes her a review as if she do work here] Janis: pretty generous Jimmy: [shows her some pics of his early latte art like look how shit I was] Janis: awh, baby's first ☕🎨 Janis: only got a few years before your brother comes for this gig too Jimmy: 🤞 they'll have heard of coffee in the north by then Jimmy: he'll be 💔😭😭 else Janis: 😏 Janis: you're not emmerdale northern, I remember, can't fool me Jimmy: UGH fine Jimmy: real 🤞 he's stopped copying me ages before that Janis: you'll lose your ✨ Jimmy: ⏲ Jimmy: [give her this smoothie with today's 🎨 on the napkin and a kiss on the cheek] Janis: [insta that in front of the gals, obvs, just showing you all how cute we are] Janis: 🤞 I don't forget and wipe my face with that Jimmy: 🤞 I've got my 📷 out when you do Janis: I won't Janis: 🐘 memory Jimmy: 💔 you'd look well shakespearian with a pen beard Jimmy: Bill's gonna roll in his ⚰ at the missed chance Janis: I don't need to think about him that excited, tbh Jimmy: 👻🎻 Janis: you're the slag, you deal with it Jimmy: alright Jimmy: leave you with whatever you wanna 💭 about instead Janis: but Jimmy: ? Janis: what happened to our break? Jimmy: nowt, ready when you are Janis: [run away because we are over this girly chat like let's go] Jimmy: [you lasted longer than I would gal hence Jimothy will light you a 🚬 cos deserved] Janis: [you can dramatically breathe out like PHEW] Jimmy: [do your own because we all know what you're thinking about but we can pretend it's either a pisstake of hers or in solidarity] Janis: [reaching out to squeeze the hand that isn't holding his cigarette] Jimmy: [writing an o and a k on the back of hers but not establishing whether we're saying we are or asking if she is] Janis: [kissing the back of his] Jimmy: [kissing her dramatically because he cannot handle the softness rn] Janis: [we can go with that too] Jimmy: [just have a moment lads that's deserved too] Janis: [going in 'cos our emotions] Jimmy: [likewise because it's not like you care about all the people going past or that can see you inside] Janis: [keep going to say 'we-' and 'you-' like many times but never actually finishing either sentence 'cos you know he can't] Jimmy: [and don't talk to me about how tightly he's holding onto her because never mind this break not being long enough, this whole shift isn't and the goodbye and how evil I'm gonna be is looming over us] Janis: [gonna need someone to come through and break yous up we all know it] Jimmy: [thank god there's lots of possibilities for that cos of where you are] Janis: [someone else just tryna have their break lol] Jimmy: [soz but not] Janis: [truly] Janis: I'll brb Jimmy: Where you going? Janis: just need to get some stuff Jimmy: 🔪🪓🔧🔨🧱🧨🛢 I get it Janis: exactly Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: they should fuck off now 🤞 Jimmy: *🤞😁🤞 Janis: I'll do that whole way down the street, like Jimmy: 📷 it for us Jimmy: nowt else would do to make me 😁😁😁 Janis: ugh Janis: now I have to Jimmy: if you want a 🏆 or IOU Janis: [obviously we are] Jimmy: [have a lil reaction vid back as if we're not literally meant to be working because we're a nerd and in love] Janis: there we go Janis: all worth it now Janis: even though I looked like tiktok tammy Jimmy: 🦍🌃 Jimmy: you could NEVER Janis: compliment or diss? Jimmy: What kind of question is that? Janis: dunno Janis: 'cos if you're saying I can't dance like I'm having a seizure that's a lie Jimmy: you're gonna have to prove that now, you get that, yeah? Jimmy: walked right into making yourself look a twat Janis: you ask for any more 📷 and it's just gonna be weird Jimmy: alright, if you'd rather do it here in front of dickheads buying ☕ crack on Jimmy: I'll wait Janis: what about me doesn't scream 'loves an audience' Jimmy: what about me makes you reckon I'll be up for being your fake boyfriend after any of that bollocks? Jimmy: far as plans to dump me go Janis: you're the one asking me to do it, dickhead Janis: can't reverse psychology your way into getting to be the one doing the dumping Jimmy: you set yourself up, dickhead, nowt to do with me Janis: you could let it slide Janis: you already know I can dance Jimmy: I could Jimmy: you have got that IOU Janis: not what I'd use it for in an ideal world but Jimmy: might let you keep it and let it go an' all if I like the sound of what you would use it for Jimmy: am in a VERY 😁 mood now Janis: that'd be telling Janis: can't risk that 😁 Jimmy: go on Jimmy: you said it were in an ideal world, nowt but 😁 there Janis: but that ain't where any of us is Janis: so no point Jimmy: 🥺🥺🥺 Janis: yeah Janis: you weren't meant to stop 😁 Jimmy: doing my customer service face, it's as near Janis: if you're an alien who's never seen a person before Jimmy: busted 💔 Janis: 👮=👽 checks out Jimmy: bit racist of you but I get it, the north does look like something out of a shite sci fi film Jimmy: all them fuming orange lasses with nowt on 🤞 for 👽 Janis: bit up yourself Janis: but won't disagree Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: maybe you should go back Janis: first, like Jimmy: what for? Janis: so your dad has to relocate Jimmy: might just still be about big enough for the both of us Janis: it might work Janis: if you keep doing a runner Jimmy: don't see that happening with 👶👶🐕 Janis: he'd get fed up of looking after them, right Jimmy: not leaving them with him long enough to find out Janis: okay Jimmy: or trusting Ian to work out where I'd gone even if I left a 💌 with a drawn out map Janis: he can't be that thick Jimmy: why can't he? Janis: it's impossible he's not heard what your sister wants Janis: ignoring it is another issue Jimmy: yeah Janis: anyway Jimmy: what he's too thick to work out is that she wants a person not a place Jimmy: that's how he reckons he can make it work here with his 🎁💰🐕 Janis: guess he can't give that anywhere Jimmy: he could give her her mates back who were there and know about it, instead of this bollocks where it only gets 🗨 for each new Sharon who comes about Janis: so tell her to do it Jimmy: what makes you think I can tell her to do owt Janis: it's what she wants to do, so help her do it so she doesn't fuck it up Jimmy: she's a kid, I'm not helping her piss off on her own Janis: not permanently Janis: just so he has to do something about it Jimmy: no Janis: alright Jimmy: it's not alright, what the fuck's wrong with you? Janis: she's 12, not 2 Janis: and you said she has friends, all it is is showing up on their doorstep unannounced and waiting for their parents to call Jimmy: she's my sister, not some dickhead I don't care about that I'd use to score points against him Janis: I didn't say you had to, it was just a suggestion Jimmy: leave it out Janis: I said alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: for fuck's sake Jimmy: what? Janis: forget it Jimmy: forget what? Janis: don't be a dick Jimmy: you started it Janis: by trying to help, sure Jimmy: I never asked for it Janis: nah, 'course not Jimmy: you don't know her Jimmy: and if she got it into her head to go looking for my mum instead of pissing about at a mates for a bit, fuck knows what'd happen Janis: like it's going to be easy to convince your dad to move back when he moved for a reason Jimmy: I'm not thick, alright Jimmy: I know how decent his job here is Janis: you either want to do something about it or you don't Janis: and you clearly don't so that's what forget it means Jimmy: stop having a go at me Jimmy: you clearly don't have a fucking clue about what I do or don't want Janis: this is pointless Jimmy: yeah, it is Janis: bye then Jimmy: 👋 Janis: I'll be over the road when you want your stuff back later Jimmy: it's nowt I need back in a bit Janis: then I'll leave it there Jimmy: 👌 Janis: [what do you wanna do like after he's gone home and dealt?] Jimmy: [I'll hit you back up because I was thinking injury wise like obvs it makes sense for them all to be hidden still because Ian is probs suss of Janis so like whatever healing his ribs have done they are probably fucked again but if it's lowkey that whole side of his body his wrist and arm would be an easy one for people to maybe notice at school but not think is a big deal because people hurt them all the time by putting them out when they fall etc and he can write with his other hand anyway but because we want some #drama and none of the bruises will be !! for a couple of days he could also have a dislocated shoulder as it's painful and shock factor for her to having to pop it back in but easy enough that she could without anyone else having to be involved] Jimmy: You still over the road or what? Janis: yes Janis: do you need to come in? Jimmy: come out Janis: ok Janis: [do that quickly 'cos we've clearly just been waiting] Jimmy: [I dread to think the state of this poor boy just trying not to cry outside mcvickers gaff like hey] Janis: [we're gonna be really shocked but pretending hard not to be like okay, just trying to survey the damage 'what do you need me to do?'] Jimmy: [show her your shoulder boy like nbd just casually pop this back into place because we're lowkey in shock here hence we told her to come outside even though you're gonna have to go in because you have to do this while he's lying on a bed you can't just do it here] Janis: [just gonna lead you inside without touching you or saying anything, just gesturing like come on 'it's okay' which is the furthest thing from the truth but what else can you say rn] Jimmy: [thank god you can trust her not only to do this but to not tell anyone because what a big ask when we're literally a month in] Janis: [lowkey, thank god you have a room here too, gonna rip your top off instead of trying to get it off 'cos impossible and bunching it in a way to make a decent gag because don't need to bite through your tongue or scream the house down, letting him get ready in that much and getting on the bed but not giving him loads of warning because best way to do it] Jimmy: [last we need is Libi or mcvickers rocking up and interrupting any of this so well played gal because he is not in a headspace to be helpful rn] Janis: [at least its one of those things where it's better once it's done so that'll be some minor relief for you, still, 'sorry' though 'cos it's fucking gnarly 'wait here' and going out to the bathroom, thank god they're old and probably have some decent painkillers, have to cross that bridge later when they think you've taken 'em for fun gal] Jimmy: [if he was thinking clearly he would not have come here because you already know too much gal and more importantly isn't not fair to make you do this when you're literally supposed to get xrays and shit first but here we are and you know he's saying sorry too and also trying to stop her from leaving even though she's literally just going too the bathroom and we realistically know that] Janis: [just keep telling him it's okay over and over 'we need to get you comfortable, okay? then we'll-' trail off 'cos we don't know and we know that's gonna be a journey to get there] Jimmy: [just nod because we know she's not wrong you do need those painkillers] Janis: [get as many of them down you as is safe boy, thanks for having a decent stash guys, also bandages we're gonna try to make use of now, taking his hand gently 'do you think any of the fingers are broken?'] Jimmy: [they gonna be suss about where all this has gone you're gonna have to lie convincingly gal, but for now we're just moving all our fingers by like messing about doing the signing alphabet and stuff like cos I'm gonna let you live and say they are okay] Janis: [sigh of relief like okay, we don't need to splint any of those, checking to see if he can bend his arm and how high he can etc before settling on splinting the whole forearm and then doing a sling 'he does realize you'll probably have to take more time off school now, where's the fucking sense in that' basically to ourselves and under our breath 'cos we know it's not logical and also not really about that] Jimmy: [didn't realise when you were having all that fun fake nursing each other that it would come to this, did you lads? ugh Ian, but jimothy is just getting ready to go when she's done this like okay thanks bye as if I'm just gonna let you walk out and go back to big brother duties and whatever else you're thinking about rn sir] Janis: [putting a hand out like stop 'you can't just go back'] Jimmy: ['I can't just stay here' like you literally can boy it's okay] Janis: '[just sit down, you need to give yourself chance to catch up'] Jimmy: [when you do sit down without arguing or saying anything pisstakey and it's so unlike him that we all hate it] Janis: [sit in silent shock for a sec guys 'you know you can't let him do this again' 'you will end up in hospital'] Jimmy: ['you're acting like there's owt else I can do that I've not'] Janis: ['that isn't what I'm saying' 'this isn't working, not any more'] Jimmy: ['What then, you still want me to tell Cass to crack on making him more fuming than I ever have done, knowing what he's like?] Janis: ['has he hit her?'] Jimmy: ['not yet'] Janis: ['you're gonna have to consider possibilities you don't like, you can't live like this'] Jimmy: ['there ain't a possibility I've not, I've been living like this for ages'] Janis: ['this isn't just discipline or whatever the fuck, it's assault and he knows that, wouldn't you be better off without him?'] Jimmy: ['where do you reckon we'd go? They're not better off without me'] Janis: ['I don't know, all I know is, he gives you any more injuries, neither of you will have any say who gets involved, okay'] Jimmy: ['he's got away with it this long'] Janis: ['well he isn't now'] Jimmy: ['I didn't come here for you to have another go at me'] Janis: ['I'm not'] Jimmy: ['nobody knows fuck all about it and that's the way it's staying'] Janis: [just shrugging like okay and getting up to go 'get some sleep' Jimmy: [likewise getting up to leave and actually go home this time like okay bye] Janis: ['next time this happens, don't come to me for help, because this isn't fair' 'because I do know and I'm not going to pretend I don't again'] Jimmy: ['I shouldn't have bothered coming this time' because we know it's not fair and we're just very sad and frustrated by life obvs 'do what you like' because lord knows we would if we could] Janis: ['I'm not going to tell anyone' 'but it has nothing to do with what I like, Jesus fucking Christ'] Jimmy: ['and I'm not saying tah for you not being a massive dickhead who'd proper fuck my little brother and sister over' a shrug but we're maintaining eye contact because this is serious] Janis: ['it's not about them' because it ain't Jimmy: ['you tell anyone and they'll get chucked into care same as I would'] Janis: ['remind him of that, not me'] Jimmy: ['you don't think I have done?'] Janis: ['there are ways to make it a more serious threat'] Jimmy: [just an exhausted sigh because he's doing everything he can always and it's not enough ever] Janis: ['think about it, the last thing he wants is people knowing, yeah? well I know'] Jimmy: ['might work for a bit, til he's too fuming to be bothered and just tells himself no dickhead'll believe you or owt else he needs to'] Janis: [just looks at him like there's all the evidence needed 'not like it's being made up though'] Jimmy: ['alright, it might be enough to get him to fuck off back to the north and get us away from you, but that don't help me'] Janis: ['except he doesn't want to go back, as is very fucking obvious by now, so it'd be easier for him to stop beating the shit out of you than do that'] Jimmy: [a look like yeah obviously but that doesn't mean he will] Janis: ['it's accountability, if he keeps doing it, I could tell anyone, everyone- he clearly reckons you won't by now, he doesn't know that about me'] Jimmy: [just clearly thinking about if she did have to then follow through on that threat though and tell everyone and how much he obviously doesn't want anyone to know and all of this is just in his expression rn] Janis: [shaking our head like well there's fuck all else to say rn 'get some sleep'] Jimmy: ['stop saying that' cos clearly neither of them will be able to very easily] Janis: ['you need it to heal'] Jimmy: ['just say you want me to piss off, you've already said not to bother coming back'] Janis: ['I'm trying to fucking help you'] Jimmy: ['I know' in a purely frustrated way but then repeating it in a soft way because we do know that] Janis: ['I don't know what else you want me to do'] Jimmy: ['I never said I knew what I were doing or what you should' this boy trying not to cry again over here] Janis: ['don't' but softly 'cos we've been trying not to cry this whole convo lowkey and we don't wanna do it now] Jimmy: [doing a feelsy lean with our good side because we want to hug her but we can't] Janis: ['I mean it' and moving away so he doesn't hurt himself, but not dramatically like get away] Jimmy: [a nod because we know and we appreciate everything she has done and is trying to do more than we can put into words without crying rn ' but I shouldn't have made you do that' a look at his shoulder 'I'm a dickhead'] Janis: [shrug like it's nothing, like I'm sure you've seen dislocated shoulders but doubt you were the one putting them back in but okay 'don't mean you deserve any of this'] Jimmy: [a look like don't because we know it's not nothing and we're really sorry about this now we're thinking clearer] Janis: ['you didn't have anywhere else to go'] Jimmy: ['that don't mean it were alright to come here and do this to you'] Janis: ['I'm not the one battered and bruised, I'm fine'] Jimmy: ['I'm used to that bollocks, it's having someone be bothered about it that I can't get my head round' when you aren't used to having people care about you ever so you always feel like you're fucking it up] Janis: ['be a pretty shit person if I didn't' 'so I can see the confusion' not really the time to be salty about that but we are] Jimmy: [a lol which we then regret because ouch] Janis: [tryna be serious like 'for fuck's sake' but a lil bit 😏] Jimmy: [when you wanna kiss her so much that you've simply got to, injuries be damned] Janis: [at least your face is purposely avoided so you'll be okay but you can't go in sad times for you 'I'm sorry' 'that you think I'm having a go at you'] Jimmy: [shaking his head because he genuinely doesn't think that 'I didn't mean that it were just -' no need to finish that because she knows what you mean, we've all been put through it tonight honey and we've already admitted we've been a dickhead] Janis: [nods because yeah 'I was never saying it was easy, I don't think that'] Jimmy: [also nods because yeah 'and I weren't saying it were a shit idea'] Janis: ['I just want-' not finishing that sentence like never mind 'anyway'] Jimmy: [all the eye contact because always 'what?'] Janis: ['I just want you to be alright' mumbling and not giving more than a second of eye contact like you haven't already said ily and that you care] Jimmy: [posing to show off the amazing job she's done bandaging him up and 😁 like I am alright now as if it's that simple] Janis: [just like mhmm like that is not what I mean and you know that but we don't need to get into it rn it's okay] Jimmy: [pull her even closer to you because we do know what she means and we appreciate it] Janis: [checking him like be careful please 'I'm sleeping on the floor' it's definitely a double but we don't wanna hurt him] Jimmy: [gestures at the bed like um look how much space there is compared to what we've used to 'no need for that'] Janis: ['could make a pillow wall' like people who hate their partners do lmao] Jimmy: ['that'll be Mia at every one of them sleepovers, cracking on just like her dad taught her' shading Ella and Mia's mum in one go lol] Janis: [we have to lol 'poor els, no 'accidental' rub ups for her'] Jimmy: [goes to do the 💔 but can only do half so has to force the bae to do the other bit for us] Janis: ['so tragic' and lowkey forcing him to get situated properly in this bed as comfortably as possible 'what are you gonna say happened then?' 'cos can't hide for the whole time it'd take to heal] Jimmy: ['weren't planning to do a q&a about it' cos he's honestly not thought about it yet with everything else he has been thinking about 'don't matter as long as nobody reckons you smacked me about'] Janis: [a look like who is going to think that? then rolling our eyes 'cos is the type of thing Mia would try to say lol 'well no one is going to think you got it playing a sport' cheeky bit of shade as we are looking in the wardrobe and under the bed for something] Jimmy: [chucking a pillow at her for the shade like oi 'I'll say I fell over or some bollocks, worked for my mum'] Janis: [making a noise like psh but we're not throwing that back 'you tryna prove you have aim? alright, I believe you' and coming back with the pillow and the sleeping bag we've retrieved to sleep in so we're not rolling all over] Jimmy: [a look like you know how good my aim is because any excuse to be saucy about anything especially when we're so upset about this whole sleeping situation but trying to downplay it] Janis: ['thank god you're ambidextrous' meant to be taking the piss out of him but it just sounds thirsty so we're loling] Jimmy: [😏 'you'll have to tweet that so the fans know'] Janis: ['the offers to fill in whilst you're injured would probably be a lot'] Jimmy: [😒 because we don't wanna think about that 'won't be a slaggy nurse's outfit left in this shithole once they've heard' because also true] Janis: [likewise 'gross' and shaking our head 'there's nothing sexy about hospital'] Jimmy: [a fed up sigh 'I can't be bothered with this' like it's an option to just not be injured, soz boy] Janis: [squeeze his non-injured hand like I know 'it'll be alright, we'll work it out'] Jimmy: ['can we not just fake going away like we were gonna do at new year's?' probably not boy but it's a nice thought] Janis: ['it'd be easier to actually go away' but a tone that's saying, that's how long it'd need to be, not suggesting it] Jimmy: ['let's do that then' as if that's remotely plausible in any way] Janis: ['are you concussed as well?' and moving our fingers about in front of him like follow but 😏 'cos we don't think he actually is obvs or we wouldn't be joking] Jimmy: [takes her hand and turns it into a 👍 like she's agreeing to his great idea 'wouldn't even have to be for that long' because we know he's not gonna do the 2 weeks off that you're meant to when you dislocate your shoulder because he never does what he's supposed to] Janis: ['where are we going then?' as we lay down ourselves] Jimmy: ['where do you wanna go?'] Janis: ['don't care' because we don't 'what about you?@'] Jimmy: ['what makes you think I care?' because likewise we don't] Janis: ['then just not here it is' turning to face him in our little sleeping bag 'assuming the pain pills don't wear off and you change your mind'] Jimmy: [a genuine smile at the prospect of getting to leave for a bit together even hypothetically tbh 'when they wear off you might change yours' and doing a 😒 af face] Janis: ['this is you being a delight, yeah?' and do a feelsy lean assuming we're sleeping on his good side 'cos makes sense] Jimmy: ['that were me doing an impression of you remembering what a nightmare I were last time we went away' because that skerries domestic when she tried to get him to sleep in a bed we all remember those joys] Janis: ['bit rude' like how dare you insinuated I'm ever grumpy lollolollll 'you'll be less trouble now you're fucked up' but a sad sigh 'cos its not funny though we're trying] Jimmy: [taking her hand again so you can write soz on it playfully but then just properly hold it because we heard that sad sigh and we are really soz in our heart] Janis: [doing the 👌 symbol which is probs hard to follow so then just doing a 💕 like] Jimmy: [doing an irl 🤝 because best friends forever] Janis: [then tucking him in like go to sleep nerd 'it'll be better in the morning'] Jimmy: [goes to say something because it won't be but we're deciding against it so she doesn't sad sigh again and closing our eyes instead] Janis: [gently lean over and kiss both his eyes] Jimmy: [not opening our eyes or anything but 'I really fucking like you' with feeling because he do] Janis: [got to kiss you on the lips with as much feeling 'cos we cannot trust ourselves to say anything rn] Jimmy: [have a moment because it's been a very dramatic night]

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

Of Vessels And Sharing

Rating: General Audiences

Parings: Dean Winchester & Castiel

Notes: Here’s a piece of canon-divergent post-season-15 Destiel, enjoy ~ OR ~ The One in which Dean Winchester wants Castiel to possess him. Eventual Happy. Enjoy the read, and maybe leave a comment, for the ficter.

***

Jimmy Novak, a devout, strong and unfairly good-looking man though he were, hadn’t been created to be a vessel. It was almost miraculous that he’d held Castiel for this long. (Hell, it probably was one.) But aging as he did - the man’s daughter could buy herself beer, he’s not young anymore - in spite of his soul not occupying his body; it wasn’t too long after the battle with the Empty, that it was rendered near incapable of housing Castiel anymore.

Cas hated to admit it, but he had not wanted to keep it a secret either. Not anymore. So one night, after dinner, he’d confessed to the Winchesters. Dean was drying the dishes, as Sam cleaned up - thankfully neither was looking at him, as Cas tried to get the words out - he wouldn’t have gotten far, if they had been.

“…and so,” His eyes flitted between the brothers. “I do not know how much longer I’ll be able to be with you.” He ended, trying to sound less frantic than he felt.

“Cas,” Sam had been the first to speak up, while Dean just stared at him. Almost too blank. Perhaps, processing. “We’ll find a way. We could ask Rowena for help - and read all the books there were ever written about vessels - and we’ll do everything we need to, to make this right! You won’t have to…leave the Earth.” He promised, earnest.

Dean, who Castiel’s eyes had been upon, nodded to the things his brother said - and was too choked up to sound like his regular self when he spoke again, in trembling syllables and a breathy voice, “Y-yeah. You’re not going anywhere, Cas.” He sounded uncertain, maybe scared, but when he took a step ahead, and got his hand on Castiel’s shoulder, that felt sure. “We cannot lose you to this.” We can’t lose you to anything.

And then he went on to try to ease the tension, by thanking Cas for actually telling them about something, that sounded like one of those huge things they didn’t always share. "Kudos on communication.” And Sam snorted, while Castiel replied - a blank smile on his face, “I didn’t want to go away for good, one day, and leave you angry for not being told.”

And it was the simple ‘for good’, which caused a chill in their bones. The next day itself, they began to read. All the books ever written on vessels, as Sam put it, would take time to get through; even if you’re two dedicated hunters, who’ve been doing this all your life, dedicated and adamant now - to not lose your best friend.

*

It probably wasn’t that nothing would work. Maybe some more books, some more occult, and some more contacts would have helped. But it was, rather, that they didn’t seem to have the time.

The deterioration seemed to speed up when they dreaded it the most. As is the matter with most things in life. Castiel developed those awful burn-marks on his face, which resembled Nick’s, from when Lucifer had possessed him. He found them more horrible than anyone else did; but if his family ever involuntarily cowered back from him in the dark, he had to learn to be okay with it. He became infinitely weaker, somehow even slower, and would often break down in the Impala after a hunt, gasping himself breathless in pain - after using his grace in a fight.

The fight with the Empty had clearly added to it, for the worse. Never had the Winchesters seen Cas this weak, and they’d seen him graceless. It wasn’t just that Jimmy’s body was growing old. It had also been damaged beyond repair. And the ruins were finally, finally visible - after years of quick recovery, and reparable decay. His breathless voice, assuring them he didn’t ache, reeked of the affection, which was heartbreakingly everywhere.

He even needed sleep now, and would spend long nights in uncomfortable slumber - and whenever he’d take too long to wake up, everything would begin to seem like bad omens, until Cas reopened his eyes; a groggy greeting and forced reassurance, to try to make them worry less.

Honestly, they’d often forget how it was now - how their angel tired and slept, and coming suddenly upon a limp Castiel, passed out in the backseat, Dean had often gasped, worried if he’d even wake up this time.

“What can we do?” Sam asked Dean, hopeless, as they drove back home. It was becoming routine; hunts were followed by near-comatose sleep. “It’s getting worse. What, now?“

"We keep trying, Sammy.” Dean clenched his jaw, not even a bone tickled of uncertainty.

Sam’s ashen face tried to lift itself into a hopeful look. “It’s Sam. And yes, I know we do, of course we do. But -”

“It’s Cas, man. It’s Cas. We’ll have to do something. We’ll have to figure this out. We have to save him.” Dean had no further words to offer, but he knew Sam wouldn’t prod him for more either. His brother knew too, that they must save Castiel somehow. 

Dean knew that they needed to.

*

The first time Dean suggests that maybe Cas should move to another vessel, is a mild evening, and he has three beers in his system already - there’s soft glances, and whispered words, heaven knows what they’d been talking about - but suddenly, Dean starts, looking at Cas through his eyelashes, and he just has to get this out. But he’s not even got past one sentence, and the dying angel looks at him angrily.

“Do you hear yourself, Dean? You’re asking me to abandon this man? James Novak gave everything up for me, Dean.” Castiel’s voice trembled, and all at once, Dean lost his plea to Castiel’s righteous indignation. His eyes helplessly stared. “No, I could not do this! I cannot just ask someone else to give up their sovereignty, their responsibilities and their entire life - I cannot demand such a sacrifice, for I know what it feels like, and I am not that cruel anymore - I cannot just, just dispose of this body, Dean - it is as me, as you are you - and I could never replace him like that - I cannot be that inhuman again, I’ve spent the last decade trying to be better and -” he ended up coughing, and Dean had to steady him with a hand on his chest.

Dean shook his head, and with Castiel’s fit wearing off - Dean’s sanity was coming back. “Breathe,” He calmed him. When Cas looked at him, there was a tinge of wetness, and solid sparks of blank anger. Dean shook his head again, as if to say, that he wouldn’t suggest such a thing again. 

"I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to -” He’d never thought so little of Cas, but now the angel thought that he did, and it was a terrible thing to be accused of. “I’m sorry, Cas.”

“It’s okay.” Cas swallowed, and Dean knew it was not, because he was getting up, and leaving Dean and his mostly untouched drink, for an early night. 

Dammit, that had been reckless. He really didn’t want Cas mad at him, he knew, so as he finished off Castiel’s beer - he also knew that that would mean a more decent apology, the next day. 

But, shitty though the evening had ended, it’d given him the beginnings of an idea. for the time being, another thought grasped his senses. Perhaps the inebriation had sparked it, or maybe it was the simplest of revelations. 

He had an idea. Though it was just coming to him, and he was awfully uncertain, about all of it. But after days of mechanically reading about vessel life-spans and longevity, and grovelling to powerful beings, he finally had the slightest smidge of a really bizarre idea. And that was something.

*

Scratch that, he didn’t have an idea.

Dean Winchester, emotionally constipated, though he may proudly be called - knew himself. 

He knew how easily he’d crumble, how all the nightmares and all of his past, would never let him go through with that. How he’d be a coward, and hurt more people than just himself. He wasn’t made for this, and he wouldn’t be able to do it.

So, what good was an idea if he couldn’t work through it?

*

Time passes stupidly fast, when you really, really don’t want it to. Believe it or not, the day came. They had all tried all the things they could. Not just Dean, and Sam, but their whole family.

On Castiel’s decided last day - get out of the game, before the game kicks you out, Claire had grudgingly quoted it - everyone had assembled.

The plan was that he would go to heaven. The angels had been persuaded to provide him entry, peacefully. As a reward for all his sacrifices, they’d grant him a safe homecoming. The plan was for Castiel to visit Jimmy’s heaven, and that’s where he’d bid him farewell, forever. 

The technicalities were only privy to Castiel and the angels, but Castiel would not be able to return to Earth without a vessel. And everyone knew this, Cas wasn’t looking for another.

Weakened though he be, he’d resume his station in heaven. God knew they needed leaders of the like. And that would be it. As far as could be speculated from then and there, Castiel would spend the rest of his eternity serving Heaven - as he’d done before he’d ever walked on their planet, except this time, he’d have the vividly stirring memories of bright souls, smiling families, and Earth’s green.

Cas had an easy, little smile - as his eyes fell upon his founded family. Family through the Winchesters. And the Winchester’s themself.

Dean’s mind raced. He had a million things to come to terms with, and his idea thumped in his brain like his heart thumped behind his ribs - both demanding all of his attention. Cas was leaving - could this be? Was he so useless, so incompetent, that after all they’d done, in all of these years; they couldn’t save his - they couldn’t save Cas? And now that he had a slight plan to do so, he couldn’t even get over himself, and actually do it?

He miserably tried to focus his attention on the angel - just a few feet away, right now, at least - stop thinking what he was thinking, and listen. And look. He’d have all the time in the World to hate himself later, he probably should not let the least of himself wander away from the angel right now.

(His traitorous mind strayed again - would it be the last time he’d ever get to see him?)

When Castiel’s gaze came to rest on the younger Winchester, Sam couldn’t hold it in anymore. With tears in his eyes, he lunged ahead to pull him into a hug. Castiel’s arms wrapped around the taller man, as Sam whispered hotly. “I’m sorry, Cas.”

“I shall miss you, Sam Winchester.” Castiel said, in a small voice. He determinedly ignored Sam’s foolish apology - the Winchester’s had this annoying habit of monopolizing guilt that often didn’t even exist, and Sam reigned as the most notable possessor of this trait. “Take care of yourself, and your brother. It has been an honor knowing you in this lifetime, Sam.“

“We’ll get you back, Cas, don’t say things like that.” Sam promised, his voice quivering. “Trust us, we’re gonna keep trying.”

“We’ll meet in heaven, sooner or later.” Castiel whispered as if it was a shared secret. Nothing of what one said, was connected to the other. Strange, how it was as if they were having two different conversations. 

“Not unless we pull some major shit while you aren’t here to watch over us,” Dean broke in, snatching his turn to hug Castiel as Sam moved back. “And some pissed off big-bad sends us to hell?”

Castiel rested his head on Dean’s shoulder, facing outwards, as Dean’s hands came to wait at the middle of his back. They lingered close, talking around each other; fitting just right.

“Not that it’s going to happen,” Castiel muttered. “But I don’t need a vessel to pull you, both of you, from perdition.”

Dean chuckled, and everyone there knew he didn’t mean a single speck of it. Being this close to Castiel finally has his mind stop racing - it was quiet, and content, to stay this way. They didn’t budge, still waiting for the other to break off - neither did, because it pained both.

Finally, Dean mustered up the courage to say, “So long, Jimmy.”

The latter’s breath hitched, and that’s when he pulled back. “It’s great to watch your priorities reflect.” With a hint of indignance, and a vague musing - of course, Cas was Dean’s best friend. One of the most important people in his life. A goodbye to somebody like that held a lot more magnitude, than to the middle-aged accountant he’s been wearing for a while, now. Honestly, Cas had every right to be charred.

“I’m going to see you soon, Cas,” He swore, and there was a twinkle in his eye that Cas didn’t quite catch, as they separated completely.

Dean had been the last one. So, he didn’t want to stop speaking. "Believe me.”

“I certainly hope so. But don’t die, Dean.“ Cas sounded sincere, in his request. "Just, please don’t.”

“Ah, nevermind, I wasn’t planning to move in with you until you were nice and ready for me, in any case.” Dean joked, and only his words were light. Both their hearts were heavy.

“Not even after I’ve 'settled in’.” Cas conditioned. 

“Fine, I’ll wait to kill myself until you’ve sent me a postcard.” Dean tried to smile, and it was a brave attempt, but it somehow pushed a few tears from his eyes. The more jesting his words were, the more it hurt. The closer they got to the end of this conversation, and the sooner Cas would leave him. 

“Okay.” Cas said, and that was that. They continued to stare into each other’s eyes for far too stretched a span, until the overwhelming need to look away, hit Dean - and Cas had an excuse for the tears pricking his eyes. Dean shuffled backwards, trying to swallow the metaphorical lump in his throat, and he reached where Sam had been waiting.

The time had fucking come. The goddamn moment was upon them. Dean chewed on the inside of his cheek, not taking his eyes off of Cas for one whole moment - Cas’s gaze swept over the rest of everyone, once more. Sam, Claire, Bobby, Jody, Donna, Rowena, everyone. 

And then, the angel - grey pantsuit, silver hair - who’d been designated to escort Castiel to heaven, stepped forward, mistaking those to be the last words.

As if the last words that Castiel would say to Dean, his best friend and charge, and quite truthfully the most important human in his life, could ever be that inconsequential.

So Dean thought.

As did everyone else in the room. They all were certain that that wasn’t how they would end. Dean and Cas wouldn’t separate with words so trivial. Where was the epic climax, the fascinating gravitas, and the terrific poetry - that’d dictated their whole story together?

And so, Dean waited - of course he did, though he did it with a breaking heart, because that couldn’t just be it.

Except Castiel was already closing his eyes, a slow smile spreading on his lips, which could only be called ethereal. Angelic. The other angel stepped closer and took Castiel’s hand in hers - she did it so emotionlessly, it was striking - if that could ever have been Dean, he’d lose it, in all the best ways possible - but her face remained stoic.

Still Dean anticipated more words, kept his hopeful eyes on Cas’s lidded ones. That couldn’t be it. There had to be more. 

“Goodbye, Winchesters.” Said the angel who held Castiel’s hand, instead, as a bright light seemed to engulf them. 

“Bye, Cas!” Yelled an teary-eyed Claire, waving to be seen. But Cas didn’t say another word, nor did he open his eyes. Sam almost stepped forward himself, as if to stop the entire deal - but then didn’t, because Dean hadn’t. Everyone collectively gaped at the bright light, blinding until it vanished - and Dean was, by far, the only one who shed a tear.

And in that very stance, leaving Dean desperate for more, and leaving Sam, and his family behind, Castiel, Angel of the Lord, left the Earth.

*

Dean Winchester had had an idea. But there’d been a million qualms in following through with it. And now, he didn’t even remember he’d ever had an idea anymore. It didn’t really matter right now, did it?

Cas was gone.

When Cas left, the first few minutes, had been unbearable. He felt like he would - like he’d break.

This wasn’t the first time he’d lost Cas. But it was the most painful, somehow. It could be that this time, Cas wasn’t dead, he was just gone. It could be, that they’d never been this kind of close, in all the times that Cas had…left him. It could be that he’d left, with things between them like that.

It could be any of those millions of things, but the thing was that Cas wasn’t here anymore, and it was -

Sam had been looking at him carefully, as if he had things to say, but wouldn’t. Dean hadn’t himself said a word yet - but when he turned to look at Sam, and his younger brother’s tear-stained cheeks, he lost it himself - he choked on a painful breath, and screwed his eyes shut completely - because Cas wasn’t with them anymore, and hadn’t even said anything to Dean at the very end, and he didn’t know when he’d be back if ever, and -

Perhaps how wild he felt, could be seen, because Sam rushed to him - holding him up, with both hands. As if Dean were about to fall. Which he might as well have been, his head felt like it was spinning. 

“You should go,” Sam suggested. The meaning was clear. He knew that his brother wasn’t prone to being vulnerable in front of all these people, but knew that he couldn’t swallow his feelings this time. So he repeated, more firm. “Go to your room if you need to, Dean. Everyone gets it. You should…you need to take some time.”

Dean stared at Sam, not quite agreeing yet. Didn’t all these people here, need him to -

“You need this, Dean.” He leaned in closer. “I’ll come by - when things have been taken care of out here, okay? Just..do yourself a favor and…let it out.”

Dean stared at him for one more moment, and then gave in. He almost slumped into himself, as he dragged himself to his bedroom - but he saw Cas’s room before he came across his. A moment of silent indecision, and then Dean chose to go into the other room instead.

For once, Dean agreed to do what his heart begged him to.

*

Okay, so we’re back here, full circle. Dean had had an idea. And any issues he may have had, were gone. As ridiculous as that sounds, it should be added, that the issues were all very significant and very much present. But Dean didn’t spare them a moment’s thought, anymore. It had been simple enough, to come to that conclusion, once Cas was actually gone.

When Dean had walked into the kitchen, the following morning in the bunker, Cas hadn’t been there, with a cup of coffee, waiting to ask him how he’d slept. (When Dean missed Cas, he unsurprisingly missed the version of Cas that he most remembered, not the person who’d been around the past few weeks.) 

Gone was the sleep-roughened voice, still so gentle when it addressed Dean with a greeting. Missing were the blue, blue eyes which followed Dean as he cluttered around the space to make them both breakfast. No longer, did Dean get to accidentally brush against the trenchcoat in his hustle. As had disappeared the talkative smile; so soft, enthralling and oh, so contagious.

And then had dawned the earth-shattering realization that Cas was not here anymore.

And suddenly, it was all that mattered. (Or perhaps, it was all that had ever really mattered, and all that would ever truly matter. Dean couldn’t tell.)

With lonely wisps of coffee, it was irrefutably known, what he had to do. And there was no hesitation. He needed Cas, and if his soul was given allowance to tell it’s ugly truths, Dean probably needed Castiel more than he’s ever needed many of the crutches his heart had relied on: booze, women, or violence. Perhaps as much as he needs his codependency, featuring Sammy. Maybe even more than he needed to be completely himself.

And that sudden thought hurried him along the preparation, because he was clearly invested more than he’d guessed. It had to work.

*

It wasn’t as though Dean didn’t want Sam to know. Because this time, it wasn’t a stupid deal, or a deceptive all-powerful entity Dean joined forces with. It was Cas. There could be no harm.

It was more a matter of Dean wanting to surprise him.

(He hadn’t exactly given it too much thought yet, but he expected something like the typical show of wings, and Cas’s voice mingling with Dean to say -

Let’s just say he hasn’t thought of it too much. Just as he’s not thought of the technicalities of sharing a body with Cas. The problems, the intimacies, all of it. The Michael feels, if or not Castiel is comfortable using him as a vessel - none of it. Dean had just thought of one thing. That he’d offer himself up to Castiel, and persuade him to agree. And that way, they’d get him back.)

(After all, that’s what mattered in the end, right?)

So instead of Sam, Dean had to look at Crowley for help. The demon had been brought back after Chuck’s freakout snap, the day they lost Jack, and they hadn’t really been working with him, this time up - but the moment Dean suggested so, the ex-and-also-new King of Hell was all in.

“For old times’ sake,” He teased. “I always enjoyed scheming with you for the greater good, squirrel.”

And Dean would shut him up by saying that it wasn’t a scheme. It was bringing Cas back.

*

Together, they enabled Dean to be enchanted with a spell so efficient, and performed by witches so strong, that he could hold an angel of a seraph’s might, indefinitely. It was nothing grand, and Crowley called it somethinglike Rowena hosting a kitty party for her coven, and them having a good time making all of Dean angel-acne-proof. 

True, he’d been Michael’s sword, but that was back when he was on the funner side of forty. Dean really didn’t want to pull another Jimmy. 

That would be a fine irony.

And then, they made preparations to summon Castiel. When they needed to look for pieces of him, which would serve as hooks to which the forces would pull Cas to - Crowley exhausted his contacts, looking for a vial of grace which reeked of Castiel; until Dean told him, that they’d been sharing a house for like five years now, so he had enough stuff to use.

They ended up using one of his trenchcoats. It wasn’t the original trench coat, or the newest one - but it was one Cas had worn often. (The one Dean had preserved, through 'the rise of Dick’. Probably why Dean was partial to it, when he went into Cas’s room, looking for stuff.)

Crowley also threw in his toothbrush discreetly, in case the trench coat only served the aesthetic and poetic purposes, and didn’t actually do any true summoning.

*

It was time.

Once again, the day had come, but it was a much, much happier day.

And to preserve the bunker - in case Cas spoke with him in his true voice and the abandoned shack scene from 15 years back was repeated - Crowley had bought an entire motel, albeit a tiny, remote one, enough away from civilization, on Dean’s insistence.

It was just the two of them. Crowley was doing the final preparations, ever meticulous, the ideal perfectionist - and Dean stood by the side, nervous. But excited. Numerous thoughts ran through his head at once, fighting for dominance, but only one was victorious. Castiel being with him again. With them again.

When Dean absentmindedly ran a hand through his hair, Crowley had to input, smirking like he felt very proud. “Don’t fret the hair, Winchester. You’re an upgrade from bed-hair, believe it or not.”

“Jimmy.” Dean corrected, dismissively.

“Yeah, him.” Crowley scoffed. “As if I care. The thing is, Castiel is getting an upgrade, moving into you.” He repeated, making his eyebrows dance on purpose.

“Just…do your crap, okay?” Dean rolled his eyes, avoiding the sensation of heat creeping up his neck. “No one asked you to compare Novak and me.” If Dean had been doing it a little bit in his head too, and was kinda wearing his beige-est jacket, no one needed to know.

“It has already been done,” Crowley declared. “Now, do you wanna drop the match in it, or should I - 'cause the flames may mess up your hair, for your to-be angel?”

Of fucking course, Dean was going to do it. 

“I’m gonna kick your ass when we’re through with this,” Dean informed him, not unkindly. And he marched up and snatched the lighter from Crowley, before lighting it, in the very first attempt - he involuntarily closed his eyes, as he dropped it in the bowl.

Crowley was staring at him, with an amused curiosity, when he reopened his eyes, so Dean swatted at him, trying not to look embarrassed.

A minute passed, and the two of them stared at the spot between them.

“Now?” Crowley asked, slightly subdued, as the flames rose from the ritual with tons of sparks, and they both stepped back further. “Where’s Castiel? Do you see him, because I don’t.”

“He can’t show himself to us,” Dean blinked, remembering. “Or our eyes burn out. And if he speaks to us, our ears bleed.”

“I know he isn’t here right now, but I don’t think you’re supposed to call your angel ugly and noisy, squirrel.” Crowley hesitated, but grinned, nonetheless.

Dean ignored him. “He must’ve realized he’s been summoned. All that’s to be done is to pray that he knows it’s us.” Crowley blinked at him, pointedly, and Dean did a double-take. “Oh, right. We could pray to him!” He stammered, suddenly even more hopeful. “Like, ‘pray’ pray. Whoa.” He looked at the demon. “You’re not praying, ‘kay?”

“You cannot monopolize praying rights,” Crowley joked. “I’m allowed to choose my faith.”

“He won’t come to demons, smartass,” Dean rolled his eyes. And closed his eyes again, swallowing hard.

Castiel? Can you hear me?

Nothing. Dean’s heart skipped a beat. What was wrong?

Cas, it’s me, Dean. Cas! You there? CAS?

Still nothing.

Dean opened his eyes and looked at Crowley, and perhaps he looked desolate enough for Crowley to postpone any more 'possession’ jokes he’d thought up. “He’s not there.” He choked out. “Isn’t listening to me.” Suddenly, it all seemed to be a complete waste. Why wasn’t it working? Where was Cas?

“Why didn’t it work?” Crowley began to prance around the dying flames. He looked as agitated as Dean felt. “The spell was perfectly performed. What went wrong?”

CAS! Dean was back to praying; desperate, and louder. Come on, man. Get here, Cas, if you can hear me. Listen to me, you can hear my prayer, can’t you? CASTIEL!

Absolutely nothing.

Dean kicked his own heel. He advanced towards Crowley, glaring; and projecting. “If there was a fault in the spell, I’m going to -”

He stopped speaking, as there was a complete change in their surroundings. Before he could comment on the change of wind, and the darkening sky, he was swept off his feet.

All of a sudden, he fell to his knees - and clasped his hands over his ears instinctively. A strong gale-wind made the windows swing open, and shatter as they closed. Crowley was on the ground too, dragging himself into a corner, and yelling at Dean to do the same.

A loud ringing noise - the familiar ringing noise, perhaps - spoke to them. In a language that was only vibrations, or really mighty screeches. Dean yelled out in pain, and covered his ears more firmly. “Ahh! Cas, is this you?”

“Cas!” He yelled, louder. “IT’S ME!”

The windows closed with another thud, and the remaining panes of glass shattered like pieces of a puzzle. The door swung wildly. Clearly, the angel couldn’t hear him.

But the summoning had worked, and Castiel was here. In all his might and glory, and as his grace - demanding to know why he’d been summoned. In spite of the destruction around, Dean was filled with hope.

“I’m saying yes!” Dean yelled, not knowing himself what he hoped would happen. “YES, Cas! Listen to me, it’s Dean Winchester, and I want you to possess me!”

It still doesn’t make a difference.

Instead a flying piece of furniture hit Dean on the head, and for a second, he lost his balance - but too spurned by the adrenaline, Dean got to his feet.

“Get back down, you idiot!” Crowley barked at him. “Remember the blinding and the bleeding!”

“I,” Dean groaned, struggling to stand straight against the invisible wall of force. “I need to make him hear me! He’ll stop this!”

“Get down, Winchester!” Crowley warned, following behind him with much effort. “You’ll get smacked by a bed in your face! Not in the good way!” The fact that Crowley could still not communicate without the use of innuendo in situations like this, is perhaps one of his least appreciated qualities. And the fact that Dean didn’t understand the double entendre, would bother him for weeks afterwards.

But Dean struggled ahead, shouting, 'YES!’ With every breath, not even bothering how his voice cracked after the first dozen times.

It was when Dean reached the doorway, where the door had been ripped off its hinges, and flown to god knows where - that he shouted, with all his might. “CAS! It’s ME, and I NEED you to listen, I need you to possess me, I need you to STOP this!” That the whirlwind-like force dimmed. 

It was working. Dean could feel his adrenaline leaving him, already drained of all his strength, but he kept going. He pushed himself up against the door, and stood straight, to repeat it. Gathered all of his wind, and shouted himself breathless, his eyes screwed shut, and a single tear escaping one.

“I am Dean Winchester. And Castiel, I’m saying YES!”

~

What Crowley claims happened, was that out of the chaos he’d wrecked, Castiel emerged - merely a stream of blinding, gushing grace, and entered Dean, having received his consent wholeheartedly.

And then, Dean collapsed on the floor, in a heap - which was vastly anticlimatic to witness, and slightly frightening, for he didn’t move for another whole minute. Crowley was half-prepared to ring Sam, and he says, inform him about the accident and flee.

But what Dean remembers happening, is way different.

In Dean’s version, after he’s yelled for the last time, he absolutely loses every last bit of his will to stay up. But just as he feels his knees buckling under him, he feels himself being overpowered by something so infinitely strong that it’s beyond his power to even grasp it.

His head’s thrown back, and his eyes roll back in his head, as he falls to his knees once again, letting Cas take him. Letting his grace make his veins it’s own.

And then, there’s a warmth coursing through him, and sitting, throbbing, in his chest. There’s a limpness which compels him to fall, and he loses consciousness and retreats into his head - which is where he meets Cas again.

It isn’t his first time being possessed, but this time, there’s no drowning. There’s neither the claustrophobia and fear of being trapped in a shell, nor the fake thrills of being wrapped in a fantasy. It is the most himself he’s ever been, and it’s parallel to Cas.

Dean can feel him around - he always could, couldn’t he? - and he’s never coexisted so easily with the voices in his head. 

It is as if Cas and he stand side-by-side in the being that is Dean. Nobody has their hands on the wheel, not yet. (It is almost as if they’re holding hands.)

It could have been half a millisecond, or forty dragged hours, when Cas’s voice finally echoes in Dean’s head. It’s not as if Dean wasn’t expecting it, but he’s taken aback.

Because this isn’t Novak’s voice. 

It’s the voice which answers his prayers.

The first words, after that abrupt farewell before, touch Dean somewhere in the heart. Cas may sound breathless, and excited, and powerful, and confused - but he sounds exactly like Dean knows he would. 

You gave yourself up for me!

I gave myself to you. Dean almost says, and then doesn’t - but oh, he’s already said it, hasn’t he? Isn’t that how it works now?

You feel -

Cas’s voice begins, but Dean finishes for him, and it is the sensation of a thought brushing past another - rather than that of an interruption. Cas’s words weren’t cut off, they were there, and not relayed; merely there, just as Dean and Cas were, in the vast expanse of his within.

You could say I come with a warranty, now. do you feel the spell? Does it work?

It’s effective. Cas tells him, and he sounds so reverent. His voice is soft, as if he still hasn’t accepted the weight of it all, yet. But then, you always were -

Built to roleplay as a vessel? 

- strong. Dean can’t see Cas (and of course he cannot). But he can sense him smiling. Almost happy, almost proud. 

Dean, thank you. For this.

He sounded somehow like Dean was going to ask him to leave his body, after a small trip. Like Dean was doing him a favor by letting him get in him, for a bit. I cannot believe you did this.

And so happy were you on knowing that I did, that you had to bring the band and the fireworks?

I didn’t know it was you. Cas sounded sheepish, having caught his clue.

Who else were you expecting, to summon you into them? Dean lets out, thoughtlessly.

He receives no reply.

Instead, in time, he hears something else. You did tell me the last time, to lower the volume. The angel’s voice reverberated. There was jest, but in the most Cas-like manner. A crinkly smile shone in Dean’s head, and perhaps in Cas’s too.

And you didn’t listen.

I’m listening right now. Cas promised him, sounding exquisite, at that kind of proximity. We’re whispering. No one can hear us, anymore.

Dean relaxed infinitely at that mere idea, though he has no idea why - but a sudden thought followed up. Crowley must be drafting newsletters, about me having kicked the bucket by now!

But you’re with me. Cas’s voice faded off. As if, nothing could possible happen, as long as that stood true. Dean heard it, nonetheless. But knew, that shared, secret talks would prevail long past that moment. 

But essential, was to return to the living, before Crowley phoned his brother, and snitched. 

Alright, Dean. Let’s open our eyes.

Do I… Dean was curious. Almost a little afraid. Is this where I back off? Let you step into your light? Maybe do the wing shadow thing?

You didn’t quite hear me. Cas repeated. Thank you for giving me this, Dean. Now, let’s open our eyes.

And then, they did.

The light that entered couldn’t possibly have been brighter than the grace Dean now carried within, but he felt himself squinting, and rapidly blinking.

What astounded him, was that it was he who blinked. Cas didn’t.

Cas was simply there, perfectly fitted in the other half of Dean’s now-awake silhouette, and it was as if he had as much control of being, as Dean did. No less, no more. The latter part struck Dean.

“Dean!” There were hands helping him up to his feet. Crowley, looking more panicked than he probably wished to show, was staring at him.

Dean didn’t quite speak out, loud. Neither did Cas.

“Wait. Angel, is that you?” His tone slipped into a bit of lightness.

And then, Cas spoke, upon being addressed. And Dean heard Cas’s words, in his own voice, and involuntarily felt like his head spun. “It is, Crowley.”

“You didn’t even wave to me, the last time you ditched this planet.” Crowley threw back, with a hand on Cas’s shoulder, almost affectionate. Dean’s shoulder. No, Cas’s. Ah, it didn’t matter. “Would’ve hated to have seen the last of you, in all eternity, without a proper hug goodbye.”

“Is that why you’re here right now?” Cas asked, and Dean merely listened, transient almost - and proceeded to merely let it happen, when Cas was pulled into a hug, by his old acquaintance.

“I’m here because of the Winchester whose face you have on. He couldn’t bear your absence, called for help and mentorship, and I guess, I’ve always been a sucker for pining tropes.” Crowley smirked, and that’s when Dean first spoke up.

“Can it, jackass.” It came out the same as Cas speaking, but the way Crowley’s eyebrows rose - it was perhaps vivid that this was a different person.

“So, you’re still around, squirrel?” Crowley grinned. “Ah, well, sharing is caring. Though I was looking forward to regaling Cassie with all the anecdotes of your impatience to get him inside you.”

Dean focussed his mind elsewhere, so as to push down the heat creeping up his face.

Cas was the one who spoke this time, perhaps substituting for him. “If I’d known, I’d have been anxious for the same.” And with that, Cas lifted his hands, and with Dean’s eyes, he looked at them. And flexed - and then, inhaling fully, let out a sigh.

Dean merely waited.

As if on cue, Cas repeated the hand movement, as if testing it’s grip. Then he suddenly began to feel himself, patting Dean down his torso.

Dean responded with a sharp inhale, as Cas’s hands - Dean’s hands - brushed slightly past areas where he’d never known the angel’s touch. His hand didn’t linger, but a single, shattering - though not entirely inconveniencing - realization came upon him.

He now shared his entire self with Cas. Of course, he trusted him - Cas wouldn’t get him killed, wouldn’t harm him - that was a whole another thing. 

It was suddenly about the little things.

The sharing of thoughts suddenly seemed like the easiest thing in the Universe.

Because they’d also share everything else. Already did share a voice. They’d share not just food, but a gut. They’d share hands - weapon-holding hands, and driving hands; burger-making hands, and even a jerk-off hand. They’d share every aspect of both their lives - and while it would’ve maybe, appealed in foresight, now, it seemed like a terrific shock.

Though, not a mistake. (Never a mistake.)

Because, there’s things you do, which aren’t mistakes. They’re the damned right things to do, and the best moves to make, but you’re still screwed, because of ~ fucking ~ course you are.

And at this point, Dean Winchester realized, that he’d been thinking all of these things. Not too clear, not very pronounced, but they’d been thought.

But it hadn’t extracted a single response from Cas.

For a beat, he balked - feeling certain that he’d offended the angel too deep, and there’d be communication errors like this, and hurt both ways - before he realized, that in these thoughts, he’d felt alone.

And in the very next second, he came to realize, that he indeed was solitary, in this section of his mind. Which could mean just one thing. 

Cas had given him that kind of space.

The first thing Cas has done, before even trying to hold a blade in his right hand, had been to establish boundaries, for Dean’s benefit.

They weren’t impenetrable walls, and Cas was just a loud thought away - but Dean did still have an area, closely spanned, to be vulnerable with himself.

This was even farther from his previous experiences of possession. Those sons of bitches had been grappling to get their hands on all of his everything; sweet, blackmail material, handed to them on a plate - in the form of Dean’s darkest memories.

The thought provoked a shudder, which brought Dean back to complete consciousness - and another stunning realization.

While he’d been in his head, processing - Dean Winchester hadn’t zoned out. Cas was there, in control - holding onto all the bolts and nooks, that he’d allowed Dean to do. He felt safe, returning to the front, seeing Castiel engaged in conversation with Crowley.

That meant, he could take a break. It meant that he could give over all the handles to Cas, and stretch in the back for a bit - and Cas could do the same at times, such as when Dean was driving Baby, or - you know, at other times.

They’d not be truly apart, never more than a sensation away - but they didn’t have to be all wrapped up in each other’s space, either. Dean could do this thing, and Cas could camp in the back and merely talk to him - and they could take turns, and they could -

Hearing his name in the conversation, Dean’s attention was piqued.

“So, from one vessel-occupier to another, how do you feel?” Crowley was smirking.

Dean hoped he’d say, 'fine’. Maybe 'really healthy, junk-eating is the secret to vessel-building’. Okay, maybe he wouldn’t say that. Maybe he’d say, 'Comfortable’, and that would be enough for Dean to internally scream loud enough to be heard - by Cas, at the very least.

But Cas surprised him, as he answered. “He feels…” His voice took a turn for slow, decisive, maybe even sultry - if he didn’t know any better. “He feels good.”

Fuck.

What, Dean? Cas’s voice, this time, and not Dean’s - resonated across his head.

Holy fucking shit, Dean was not going to survive this. Forget the rest of it. He was not going to survive Cas patting himself down, and saying Dean felt good, and he wasn’t going to survive the number of bottoming puns Crowley was already listing off, and he wasn’t going to survive his slightly-off-from-heterosexuality thoughts when Cas was right there, and so close, and all of the times they’d be alone with each other, or showering with him, or being on a bed, knowing he wasn’t alone - and he was not going to survive the -

“Dean. I think you should calm down.” Cas spoke, out loud, as if that would be more effective, and Dean turned a deep red - though he had no idea how that worked, because he was only a certain part of himself, but surely only the left side of his face didn’t flush, and - He really needed to stop thinking so much.

Shut your mouth, this is my head, and this is normal. He told Cas, not completely joking.

Cas smiled, and this time, Dean could tell, because he could feel it even more vividly. It’s like he did, too. Ignoring Crowley, he spoke aloud, again. “We have a lot to talk about.” He summed up, intelligently.

A ton to figure out. Dean agreed.

“But, I’m afraid I’d rather like to meet your brother now.” He repeated. “I missed Sam, too.”

Yeah, alright. Let’s do that. He doesn’t know of this, uh, body sharing thing, so maybe you can break it to him slow.

“I’ll…try.” Another smile. “But, I do understand, we have much to discuss. I haven’t even been properly thankful yet, and it means a lot, and I wish I had words to -”

Let it be, Cas. Dean broke in. We’ll talk about it later tonight.

And with that rather suggestive thought (bringing forth innuendos in Dean’s brain, as Cas’s could not have conjured) and Crowley shushing them (whilst telling them to have their intra-brain conversations inside, instead of out loud, because people would think they were crazy), the angel and the demon, and the kinda-there Winchester flew off to the bunker to break the news to the rest of their family.

***

Hey, blogfolk! So, I cannot remember where, but I actually read a shitpost about Castiel possessing Dean, and went, you know WHAT, I wanna read that. And then I went, well, I should probably write it myself. Funnily enough, my fic only manages to lead up to that ~ in like 8k words, which is saying something. Maybe I’ll make a sequel to this, with the actual possession, if you want there to be one! If you enjoyed this, please share, and send words ~

Taglist alert: @ctrl-alt-destiel @awkward-penguin-in-a-trenchcoat @styggtroll @adventurous-blob @petrichoravellichor @all-or-nothing-baby (to maybe take your mind off of things, Lucy, crouton-fam @iamcharliebradburylevelperfect @moderatelypanickedbiromantic @elvenlicht @legendary-destiel @a-mess-of-many-fandoms @trenchcoatsandfreckles @noemithenephilim (who is literally one of my favorite readers, and I’m really looking forward to her reading this bit) @naitia @ladywaywarddsc @thekidswillbealright @zoerayne2426 @hellfire37 @3dg310rdsupreme and @impulsivedandelion (WHO *grins* IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AND - wait, this post is already huge, I’m just gonna make a separate post about how awesome she is, and how I’ve totally adopted her, mwuahahahaha)

Have a good day! Keep it sailing!

Sheya.

[machihunnicutt]

What the Downton Movie Owes Me (but will probably not give me): Some Thoughts on Thomas Barrow

yes...I wrote 1k+ words on this. I’m so sorry.

I’m watching Downton Abbey for the 3rd (4th?) time with my sister who hasn’t seen it. I love this glorified soap opera to death, y’all, with the full acknowledgment that this show does a horrible job with a lot of its plot lines designed to tackle complicated issues: disability (the ableism against Bates via the house that he never gets apologies for, Matthew and his spinal injury/wheelchair that is always framed as life-ending and making him nothing but a “burden”), class (the Branson/Sybil marriage is alright, but there are countless missed opportunities to interrogate the relationship between upstairs and downstairs, particularly Carson’s attachment to a family that monopolizes his life and the lives of all its employees), (I’m going to leave race and gender alone because I think it does a pretty decent job when these issues come into play but feel free to lmk if there’s something I missed!), and sexuality, which is what I want to get into.

So granted, I understand that I’m not the target audience for this show. I understand that Downton’s gay characters were not written primarily to be relatable, multifaceted representations of gay people in a period drama. I get that Downton’s target audience is older, straight people for which representation isn’t super important. But, I have watched this show at least 3 times now and I’m still angry about its treatment of Thomas Barrow, so I’m going to break down why:

1) Things We Know About Thomas Barrow

I really like early seasons of Downton because, for all its drawn out drama and plot twists, it cares a lot about character development and consistency. Many characters (dare I say the majority) do mean and bad things and yet, we are still empathetic because we’ve spent time with them, understand why they make the choices they do, and see them learn from their mistakes (early seasons Mary is an excellent example.)

Thomas Barrow is my favorite Downton character because of the great narrative work they do in this regard. In the first episode we learn several character traits of his that continue to be important throughout his arcs:

- He doesn’t trust easily and has few friends in the house. (AKA, boy’s got a bad attitude. It’s better to act like you hate everyone than give them the chance to reject you.) I found this immediately endearing (because of who I am I guess lol), and though I understand why people don’t like his character because of this, I think it’s a good move for a character you intend to have grow over a long period of time. Opening up, accepting help from others, and showing kindness are all parts of Thomas’ future storylines, actions that show his slow growth from this facet of his character. I also think it’s important to note that when Thomas does make friends he is loyal to them (I’m excepting O’Brien from this category given there’s so much backstabbing between them that it’s a stretch to call them friends) and will take risks to protect them (Examples: befriending Lt. Courtenay and later fighting Dr. Clarkson to keep him at the hospital; befriending Lady Sybil and speaking kindly about her when he doesn’t have nice things to say about anyone else upstairs, later earnestly mourning her death in a show of vulnerability he generally masks; befriending Jimmy and looking out for him when he gets drunk at the fair, going as far to get beaten up to save Jimmy; befriending Andy and helping him learn to read; befriending the kids of the house and saving them from that one nasty nanny who was mistreating them.)

- He’s a romantic. The man wants to be loved and jfc I wish the show gave him a good love interest.

- He’s easily manipulated. (More on this later, but for now...) The Duke plays him, and it’s cruel, but it shows how easily Thomas can be tricked when he’s offered affection and the chance to leave Downton for something better. (Also note: from day one, he’s wanted to leave Downton!)

- He’s the evil gay trope. The gay villain trope has a long and complicated history and sure, you can say Thomas’s sexuality and role as an antagonist aren’t connected, but the show doesn’t exist in a vacuum and it feeds into a long history of villainizing LGBT and LGBT coded characters. The thing I hate most is that they get really close to subverting it in Thomas’ best moments (his work in the hospital during the war, his relationship with the kids, his gradual opening up to people in the house) but alas...

2) Why I Hate The Jimmy Kent Arc More Than Anything

Okay, so it makes sense for Thomas to be manipulated by O’Brien. That’s consistent with his character and I don’t fault the show for melodrama because that’s what it does. What I hate, is that the show depicts Thomas’ attraction to Jimmy as predatory and when he is punished for trying to kiss Jimmy while he’s asleep (which is assault) the house (and I’d argue, the show) frames this as bad only because Thomas is gay and Jimmy is not. In the show’s narrative Jimmy is mad because he’s homophobic, not because he’s been violated. And his and Jimmy’s ensuing friendship would be genuinely sweet if it really was just an issue of homophobia and not one of ASSAULT!

I’d argue, you can’t have it both ways. You can’t portray Thomas as predatory and then brush it aside to make a statement about tolerance, because assaulting people is bad regardless of the sexuality of the perpetrator. You either need to punish his actions for what they are or get better at story telling and not rely on the predatory gay stereotype.

But, secondarily, I’m bothered by this arc because it doesn’t seem in character, to me. I know Thomas does a lot of bad, stupid things, but I don’t think it makes sense for him to be predatory. In his best moments he is protective, romantic, and loyal. Yes, we see him as rash and naive, but his actions never felt right for the character, to me. I just think it’s lazy writing to handle his attraction to Jimmy this way, especially given the development of their friendship afterward. It would’ve been so much more satisfying and narratively interesting for Thomas to express his feelings for Jimmy in a respectful way. Jimmy is the only character we see Thomas have genuine feelings for (not motivated by upward mobility as in the case of the Duke or I guess(?) racial stereotyping in the case of Kemal Pamuk...but lbr his pass at him was mostly a plot device) and I think the arc would’ve been so much more fulfilling if we saw it as Thomas’ attempt to love someone fully and honestly, even if it ultimately doesn’t work out the way he wants it to. And I don’t get why they didn’t do this! Because the Jimmy/Thomas friendship ends up being sweet, and useful for each character’s development. They just had to make it gross by beginning with an assault. Just a huge, lazy, waste of a potentially good idea.

3) The Last Season Was Bad For A Lot Of Characters But They Did Thomas Extremely Dirty

I don’t know where to start with the last season because I think they ran into so many problems because they forgot how to use great characters effectively (Mary is a prime example!!) and started just throwing them into dramatic situations for the sake of plot and not keeping actions consistent with established character.

For example, life at Downton is the roughest it has ever been for Thomas in season 6, to the point where he is alienated by most in the house (I’m not going to talk about how badly Carson treats him and how much of a tyrant Carson is in the last season because again, I think it comes down to the writers forgetting how to use their characters effectively) and attempts suicide. All in all, I just don’t like this because it’s predictable and overdone. Gay people in period pieces almost always have overwhelmingly tragic stories and it’s not fun for me to watch anymore. What most disappoints me though, is that when everyone else is getting paired off in the fan-servicey ending, Thomas’ consolation prize is being the butler??? To a house full of people who’ve hated him??? He’s wanted from the beginning to leave Downton and in the end he doesn’t.

Don’t get me wrong, if the show had shown me his change in attitude and relationship to the house, given me this character development in meaningful ways, and not used a suicide attempt as a half-assed catalyst for change, I would be all for Thomas as Downton’s butler. I think that if they’d done the work of making it a believable and constructive next step for his character, that I’d really like it. I think Thomas’ relationship with the kids (particularly George! I’d watch a whole movie about that!) is well done and I think it echos Carson’s relationship with Mary, but better. But you! have! to! do! the! work! to! get! the! audience! there! You can’t give me a whole season of Downton nastiness and Thomas suffering and then expect me to buy that this is his happy ending.

4) What I Want From This Movie

I don’t think I’ll get it (though a love interest for Thomas via the trailer is encouraging), but here’s what I want:

- Show me why Thomas Barrow as Downton butler makes sense. And if you can’t, let him leave and be happy somewhere else because he deserves it.

- Show me how he’s grown. Show me his relationship with the kids and how he’s better than Carson because I need it!!

- Let Thomas be in a relationship that is healthy and not manipulative or coercive or a plot device for drama.

- Let him be in love and don’t make it a sad story. Please.

I find Thomas Barrow such a compelling character because he isn’t perfect. He makes mistakes. He does bad things. He grows. He changes over the course of six seasons. He’s a gay character in a period drama whose story isn’t about being ashamed of who he is. It isn’t about denial or apologies or pretending he’s someone he isn’t. And I think that’s significant. I just wish they’d done a slightly better job. :)

(Thanks for reading. I’m gonna keep being a Thomas Barrow stan even when no one watching with me thinks I’m valid lol.)

[jimmypeakes]

ADAM DIMARCO? No, that’s actually JIMMY PEAKES from the GOLDEN TRIO ERA. You know, the child of BRANWEN PEAKES (NÉE GOYLE) and JEREMIAH PEAKES? Only 19 years old, this GRYFFINDOR alumni works as an AUROR IN TRAINING and is sided with THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX. HE identifies as CIS-MAN and is a HALF-BLOOD who is known to be IMPULSIVE, CARELESS, and IMPATIENT but also COURAGEOUS, ENTHUSIASTIC, and LOYAL. — &&. ( SAM, EST, THEY/THEM, 24. ) 

character parallels: gordon tracy ( thunderbirds ) + lorelai gilmore ( gilmore girls ) + sam wilson ( marvel comics ) + ron weasley ( harry potter ) + betty cooper ( archie comics ) + mike wheeler ( stranger things ) + anna ( frozen ) + legolas greenleaf ( the lord of the rings ) + donna noble ( doctor who ) + peter pevensie ( the chronicles of narnia ) !!

THREE HEADCANONS

— ❝ 01. Branwen Goyle was never a big fan of her family, and was out of the Goyle sphere of existence as soon as she finished Hogwarts. She ended up marrying a muggle man, Jeremiah Peakes, when she was around 25 years old, and had her first child two years later. She and Jeremiah ended up having a total of five children, all boys, and Jimmy is the second youngest out of them. He’s always kind of been the trouble-maker of the family, and though all of his brothers were over-achievers, he never felt any less proud of himself or that he had to compete with them. In fact, he’s a pretty easy-going person, and tends not to worry all that much. He’s fun to be around, and absolutely despises tension. He’s always trying to make light of difficult situations, and maybe sometimes cracks a joke when it’s not the exact right time. He’s been working on that, though, and can take things seriously. It’s like… He just needs a little something to help him grow up a bit more.

— ❝ 02. Jimmy Peakes does not have any problems finding people to date whatsoever. He’s very flirty, and quite agreeable to be around, and therefore, it’s quite easy for him to attract others. He’s pansexual and panromantic, and has never counted gender in the equation when it comes to romance or who he’s attracted to. He never really questioned his sexuality either. He always knew that he didn’t only like girls, and that whether they were girls or not didn’t matter to him. He first told his brothers he didn’t only like girls when he was seven years old. Like, just… Stood on the couch on Christmas day and announced he wasn’t straight. Which was a word he had learned thanks to the fact that Branwen and Jeremiah Peakes taught their children things about the world and had always made it clear to them that no prejudices would be tolerated. And as Jimmy tended to be a bit dramatic, of course he had to make a big announcement out of it.

— ❝ 03. Jimmy was a very active child, and still, to this day, constantly needs to be doing something. He’s a huge fan of flying and Quidditch, and that’s why he tried out for the Gryffindor team in his third (?) year. However, he always knew he didn’t want to take it to the professional level. Not only did he not have the patience to train as much as was necessary to become a professional, but he also didn’t think he’d be able to stand being only challenged physically, as he does love an intellectual challenge too. Sure, there are plenty of Quidditch players who are much smarter than him, but for him, personally, given the way he functions as a person, it wouldn’t work. He likes things that are more varied, which is why he ended up settling on becoming an auror. Not only was one of his heroes one, but also he couldn’t think of a better thing to do with himself than stop bad guys and save innocents. Plus, it presented a variety of challenges, both physical and intellectual, and therefore truly motivated Jimmy.

MORE

Has three older brothers and one younger brother, who I’ll definitely beg y’all to play hehe.

Yes, his family was inspired by the Tracy family from the Thunderbirds TV show(s) (and movie, though we don’t talk about that. I mean, I do love it, but I acknowledge the fact that it’s... Not the best.)

Definitely inspired by Gordon Tracy. Like, I’m not even trying to be subtle about it. For reference, though, my favourite is John. But Gordon is a close second. But actually, it changes a lot.

I do realize this turned into me just talking about Thunderbirds, but it’s my one (1) niche interest, and I will never ever shut up about it. I do apologize about that, though.

Loves classical music! Like, isn’t that into music in general, but he does really appreciate classical music. And like, he does enjoy music, it’s just not a passion of his.

Is going to be so into the year 2029 like how much things have changed? Amazing. And since his dad’s a muggle, he’s quite connected to the muggle world, so to see how things have evolved over there? WOW.

Probably was the kid who kept on trying to make muggle devices work at Hogwarts by tinkering with them, but then mocked/teased (I’m never sure what the difference between those words is; I should Google it probably) his younger brother when he brought a walkman (or whatever the equivalent of that was at the time) to Hogwarts.

Loves all things water related. Used to hang out a lot by the lake, and went swimming whenever he got the chance. He’s a very strong swimmer.

Kind of? Bad at dealing with emotions? Jake Peralta could also be a character parallel for him, honestly.

Has literally never interacted with his mother’s family, as they consider him and his brothers huge mistakes and stains on their reputation. Would fight a Goyle, 100%.

Would die for his family (his brothers, siblings-in-law and parents - maybe even niblings if someone who plays one of his brothers want said brother to have a child or children), no doubt about it.

His dad’s actually rich, so even though Branwen (Jimmy’s mother) got disowned, they never lacked of anything. Especially the newest technology and vehicles, as that was the field his dad was in. Please don’t @ me for all these stolen Thunderbirds ideas I am but a small, idealess Sam.

Plays Dungeons & Dragons with friends and (maybe - depending on the people who potentially play them) some of his brothers and plays a wonderfully chaotic neutral forest gnome rogue named Alvyn. No family name for Alvyn, because he’s just too cool for that.

( FOOD TW ) Is actually a somewhat decent cook.

Will most likely marathon a shit ton of old (but new for him) superhero movies in 2029. Because, yeah. He loves superhero movies. He prefers Marvel movies, but DC comics. Which is not at all inspired by my own taste. Not. At all.

+ ABOUT PAGE !! + PINTEREST BOARD !! ( coming soon ) + CONNECTIONS PAGE !! ( coming soon )

[mst3kproject]

812: The Incredibly Strange Creatures who Stopped Living and became Mixed-Up Zombies

Okay, first off, fuck that title.  You know how I write out the full title of Attack of the The Eye Creatures every time I refer to it, out of sheer spite?  I'm going to do the opposite here.  I'm not even going to type out the full acronym. From here on, this movie is known simply as Mixed-Up Zombies, which would be a perfectly good title for a movie made by somebody better at movies than Ray Dennis Steckler.  Apparently the title he originally wanted was even longer, being a riff on the full title of Dr. Strangelove. You can google if you want to know what it was, because I'm not typing that either.

The posters bill MUZ as the First Monster Musical, which is a big fat lie.  I'm pretty sure that to qualify as a musical, a movie has to include more than one song-and-dance number that helps to tell the story, in situations where no sane person would be singing and dancing in real life. Horror of Party Beach (which billed itself as the First Horror Monster Musical) is also not a musical, because its songs have nothing to do with the plot and are all performed by the Del-Aires, who are presumably getting paid for it.  I Accuse my Parents is closer to being a musical, because the songs do express the status of the relationship between Kitty and Jimmy – but it's still not quite there, because Kitty only sings as part of her job.  Mary Poppins is a musical.  Singing in the Rain is a musical.  Fucking Jeeves is a musical.  MUZ is not.

The actual plot of MUZ is somewhat mysterious.  I can tell you that this is the movie where Alex the Chimp's creepy robot double wants us to get our tickets here! and the episode in which Mike and the bots keep making transvestite jokes that really didn't need to be made, but I'm not entirely sure what's actually going on in the story. I guess there are these two carnival performers: Carmelita is an exotic dancer luring men into the clutches of her sister Estrella, who turns them into zombie slaves and sends them out to kill people. Why the two of them do this I have no idea.  Possibly it has something to do with Estrella seeing the deaths in her tarot cards.  If her predictions won't come true on their own, then damn it, she'll make them come true!

This rather vague story is told to us through a character named Jerry, played by writer/director Steckler.  He bills himself as Cash Flagg, which is only slightly less stupid of a stage name than Touch Connors. Jerry can't touch Watney Smith on the Hate-O-Meter but he still scores a solid eight out of ten – he's a rat-faced, lecherous man-child who refuses to work because “life is meant to be enjoyed”.  I imagine this is what Steckler himself would say whenever his parents asked him when he was going to stop making terrible movies and get a real job.  Jerry takes his rich girlfriend Angie to the carnival and then ditches her in order to watch Carmelita's strip show.  I think we're supposed to believe that Carmelita hypnotized him into it but nothing in his prior behaviour suggests that this isn't something he would have done anyway.  Under Estrella's mind control, he murders a couple of dancers and then almost kills Angie when she obnoxiously twirls her umbrella at him.  In the end he is unceremoniously shot by the police, who do that a lot in these movies.

One thing that is unavoidably noticeable in MUZ is that somebody, possibly the costume designer and possibly Steckler himself, has a thing about female body hair.  We never see any actual body hair in the movie (even on the men), but the female dancers wear costumes that almost seem designed to make up for the lack!  Marge the dancer's outfit consists mainly of black mesh with a few opaque patches where something naughty might show, and the bit that covers her crotch is a black inverted triangle that looks much more like pubes than it does lingerie.  I thought this might be my own pervy imagination, but then we see the lead dancer at the girlie show.  She also has a black triangle on her groin, with a feathery top to it that makes it look like her pubes come up past her belly button, plus she's wearing that feathery thing around her shoulders that often looks much like armpit hair.  I don't know what to make of this. It's really weird.

Another thing that draws the attention is how tediously uninspired the nightclub scenes are. These, as Tom Servo observed, make up a significant portion of the movie, but they're just not very interesting to watch.  The comedian has the same repertoire as your divorced uncle at Thanksgiving dinner.  Marge and her partner look like they're at their first ballroom dance class and are doing their best to follow the teacher but have no idea what's going on.  The girlie shows Jerry attend consist mostly of dancers walking in circles or doing very limited steps in place, and singers who just stand there.  It's like we're watching video of a junior high talent show.  It's hard to say who's at fault for this... the direction certainly isn't very interesting, but neither is the lighting or the choreography, and the performers are okay-ish at best.  I think we're just looking at a paucity of talent across all fronts.

The various nightclub acts are irrelevant, anyway.  They're nothing but filler, and the movie uses filler to try to distract us from the fact that we never have any idea why these things are happening.  What is it that Estrella and Carmelita are trying to accomplish through their seduce-and-zombify routine? We don't know, because the two of them never talk to each other.  The sisters ought to have some kind of symbiotic relationship.  Carmelita brings Estrella gullible men to make into zombies, and we'd assume that this must also benefit Carmelita in some way – but how?  Is Estrella eliminating competition by killing other dancers who might rise into Carmelita's starring role?  If so then Marge, who is a drunk on the verge of losing her job anyway, was not the best victim to illustrate that.  If the two of them have some kind of larger plan, like world domination (or at least carnival domination), then we never see any hint of it.

The movie would honestly have been way more interesting if it had actually been about whatever the sisters' evil plan is, but instead, it's about fucking Jerry. I think Jerry's story is supposed to be a tragedy, in that Estrella and Carmelita take this happy young man and completely destroy him, but it's impossible to make that work when Jerry really doesn't start off with anything to lose.  He has no job, no ambition, no hobbies... he seems to live as a leech on the ass of his pompadoured, foreigny friend Harold, and his idea of a good time is watching bargain-rate strippers.  There are probably plenty of real people much like him, but they're not the people the average movie-goer likes or admires. A tragic hero is a man who loses everything, but Jerry never had anything except for his romance with Angela, and he ruined that all by himself.

Jerry is not only a singularly un-likeable character, he's not even any fun to hate.  The rednecks in Giant Spider Invasion were so absolutely awful that it was a good time just watching them scream and get eaten.  Jerry is too bland for that, even at his worst.  We fundamentally do not care what happens to this asshole, and as a result, his story is not at all compelling.

As dull and unfocused as the movie is, I think it might have an intentional theme.  Recall that Jerry doesn't want to get a job – he's a free spirit who wants to do his own thing and enjoy himself.  You occasionally hear self-proclaimed free spirits refer to those of us with real jobs as 'zombies'.  Maybe this is a story about Jerry finally having to bow to capitalism, which ultimately destroys him.  The scene about Jerry's joblessness and the fact that the movie bothers to contrast the semi-squalor in which he lives with Angela's wealthy family is just enough to make me think Steckler could have had some kind of economic point to make.  If so, the metaphor is not sufficiently well-developed to really say anything, and we aren't interested enough in Jerry to care in any event.

A lot of MSTies think this movie visually resembles Manos: the Hands of Fate. The two films do share a lack of decent lighting, a warm late 60's/early 70's pallet, and a general 'somebody's last known photograph' feel.  But while Manos' cinematographer was a guy named Robert Guidry who had never done the job before and never did it again, MUZ was shot by fucking Vilmos Zsigmond. You've never heard of him, but only because nobody knows the names of cinematographers – him doing MUZ is kind of the equivalent of finding out Hans Zimmer wrote the Haunting Torgo Theme.  Fifteen years after MUZ, Zsigmond won an Oscar for cinematography on Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and he went on to be nominated three more times, for The Deer Hunter, The River, and The Black Dahlia.

Ray Dennis Steckler also kept making movies, but his have titles like The Thrill Killers and The Sexorcist. Unsurprisingly, these have been nominated for zero Oscars and are too obscure even for the Razzies.  I'll see if I can find a couple of them for Episodes that Never Were.

[meyerlansky]

Hi we need to talk about the kind of books and literature Meyer and Jimmy bond over because I think that's a Very Important Topic we need to discuss

OH MAN YES so full disclosure that i’m actually… super shit with “““““classic””””” literature, i have not read all that much of it, so a lot of this is me making assumptions and also spitballing a ton of this with @goatsandgangsters SO:

they’ve both read a lot of the basic Cultural Cache stuff, and that’s probably what they get started talking about since it’s common ground and all

jimmy’s just like ‘so what do you think about x classic’ and meyer whips out the kind of literary analysis no one really expects from a guy auditing computer science classes at a community college and jimmy’s like ★_★ despite himself

and then meyer caps it off with ‘also i hate it’

jimmy’s like ‘but. what. you just said it’s. about the human experience???’

‘i said it THINKS it’s about the human experience. really it’s about bored rich people by a bored rich author.’

and then they Debate

neither of them have read the part of the cultural cache core made up of “chick lit,” with the exception of jimmy possibly having read some of it assigned for classes. they are dudes and they are both inevitably a bit sexist so neither of them have read austen, bronte, alcott, etc.

they both might enjoy them if they did but they won’t even try because: Men.

jimmy probably enjoys american classics more than meyer does, considering how much of it is about boostrapping or dignity-in-poverty. the latter shits meyer up a fucking wall so he hates steinbeck in particular. because i am derivative as shit i can see them both enjoying fitzgerald but for different reasons.

from what i know of vonnegut i can see meyer liking his stuff but i’ve never read vonnegut myself so i can’t say for sure, and he definitely likes older sci fi, he likes h.g. wells and asimov and mary shelley might be his exception to the chick-lit thing. i can’t decide if he likes the orwellian/huxleyian kind of dystopia or not but i will cop to my personal annoyance with the frog-in-the-pot hand-wringing in 1984 coloring my opinions there

he’s also probably modern sci-fi/fantasy trash. he prefers the former but he’s definitely read the asoiaf books and has dragged charlie and benny into GoT hell once it started airing. like to the point that they’re both still watching LONG after he’s tapped out because of how they’re fucking up the plot.

jimmy still likes the post-war introspective stuff and also Beat Generation writing which is. not really meyer’s wheelhouse. he’s read a decent amount of it but from his perspective it tends to be about ~feelings disguised as thinky-thoughts, and, again, a lot of rich-person whining or “being poor makes you A Better Person!” bullshittery, so.

i honestly kind of have a hard time figuring out what they DO both agree is good, though i can see them both enjoying the debate over stuff they’re of opposing opinions about? 

IDK MAN none of this is hard and fast headcanon on my end mostly because even after 3.5 years of hardcore stanning i have SUCH a hard time pinning down meyer’s media preferences SO WHAT DO YOU THINK /chinhands

wait no i do have one hard and fast headcanon:

meyer has reading glasses by the time he’s in his 20s because i am shallow and he spends so much of his time staring at a screen and he does most of his reading at night

this becomes A Problem when he and charlie finally get their shit together because for like FOUR MONTHS every time meyer tries to read in bed before sleeping and puts on the glasses charlie is like “oh no it’s hot put the book down”

[after four months it goes down to just every other time the glasses go on so at least meyer gets SOME reading done]

[germanottaisgodxo]

1-100

The 100 Most Serious/Thought Provoking QuestionsThe first person you think of when you wake upI think of many people at once reallyThe last person you think of when you go to sleepAs aboveSexuality?GayAre you insecure about your sexuality?Nah, like I thought I was straight till about 18/19 then I was unsure & now I know for definite 😊Are you open about your sexuality?Kind of? All of my friends (particularly those I've made this year) know but my family doesn't yetDo your parents know?As far as my mum knows, I'm unsure, I've told her about liking a woman though- I think she has her suspicions that I am :') Ever want to switch genders?NahAre you doing okay?I've been trying for the last 6 months to be, it's been an okay journey so far Have you done any of this in the past 24 hours?: attempted suicide, thought about suicide, cried yourself to sleep, self-injured, starved yourself, or made yourself throw up?NoooIf you answered yes to 9, why did that happen?N/AAre you in love or have a crush on anyone?I have a crush Ever liked more than one person at the same time?Kinda? Do you believe in the ideology of soulmates?Kind ofYour biggest regretTreating loved ones like shit 😞Something you wish you could change about your pastThat I didn't do the aboveSomething you wish you could forgetI can't thinkHas someone physically, sexually, or emotionally abused you?NopeIf you’re comfortable with it, share your story from 18 if your answer was yes.Nothing to be shared The last time you cried.Earlier kinda, thinking about da OTP hahahahahaWhy were you crying?^^The person in your life that has made you cry the mostMyself hahahaYour biggest insecurityMy personality/how I treat peopleDo you like your weight?Not at all, I totally downplay it & don't make it out to be one of my bigger insecurities when it isAre you happy with who you’ve come to be?No but I'm hoping I will be some point in the futureHow has your stress level been?Hit the roof last night as I forgot to phone somewhere important Missing anyone right now?Yeah, loads of people 😞If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be?Buying a takeawayIs your financial situation okay?Far from itIf someone gets raped, are they still a virgin?I think it's down to the person to decide tbh Your biggest mistake ever?Too many to listWorst thing you’ve ever said to someoneThat I hated them when I didn'tHave you ever told someone to go kill themselves?NopeIf you could kill yourself and it not affect anyone, would you do it?Yeah What exactly is wrong with this world?EverythingHave you ever hurt someone (any form)?Yeah 😔How do you handle stress?Sleep or eat If you have terminal cancer, do you tell anyone? What is your logic for your answer?Probably not, so I don't worry themWhat do you think of your physical appearance?Hate it, I look like a complete potato Are you someone you would date?Hahahaha, noHave you ever wanted to “fix” someone?Myself & other peopleDo you compare yourself to others?DependsWhat have you learned about relationships thus far in life?I've not had any to learn from...What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?I can't think How has your mood been lately?Relatively okay, better than normalWhen you are 80-years-old, what will matter to you the most?Family & friendsWould you break the law if [ Insert Situation ]???Which is worse, failing or never trying?Either, it totally depends on the situation What’s something you know you do differently than most peoplePee too much?? Idk Is it more important to love or be loved?Love What has life taught you recently?I'll be okay eventuallyCan there be happiness without sadness? Pleasure without pain? Peace without war?Yes to the first 2 & huge no to the last Why are you, you?Cause I'm a piece of shit If you could ask one person, alive or dead, only one question, who would you ask and what would you ask?Ask Lady Gaga stuffWho do you think of when you think of love?Family & friendsIf someone saved your life, what would you say to them?Could've just let me die, manThe most triggering song for youCan't remember its name but one of Pink's songsIf you left this life tomorrow, how would you be remembered?I wouldn'tHonestly, do you care what others think of you?YeahWhat hurts more: the truth or finding out you were lied to?I'm not lied to often, so the truthName some stuff someone could do to you that you would never forgive them for.No idea, I've done a lot of unforgivable stuff so I have to be very forgivingAre you happy with what you’ve become?NoAre you in love?Nah, I really like someone thoughAre you aware of the difference between infatuation and love?Yeah, infatuation is just liking someone & thinking they've no flaws etc but love is knowing someone has loads of flaws but still loving themAfter having looked up 62, do you still think you’re in love?NahDo you have a crush on someone?YeahWhy do you have a crush on the person that you have a crush on?It just happened reallyIs it possible to love two people at once?Yeah, that's called polyamory What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you?Put up with meIs there anything you purposely do to impress someone?Not reallyWhy was your heart last broken?It wasn'tWhat’s the biggest lie you once believed was true?Can't think of anyWhat’s been on your mind most lately?Mostly the future & trying to get betterWhat or who will you never give up on?Family & friendsWhen you look into the past, what do you miss the most?Having plenty of moneyHow would you describe the past year of your life in one sentence?Better than it has been; slowly but surely getting thereIf you had to move 3000 miles away, what one thing would you miss the most?Family, friends & decent foodWhat is your saddest memory?Losing peopleHow can someone do to make you fall in love with them?Can't make someone fall in love with you, it has to be naturalWhat are you waiting for? Short term? Tuesday so I can get money & get food shopping etc, Long term? Getting a job & having a decent income How are you writing your life’s story?I'm not; I'm rewriting itWhat makes love last?An extra sky TV box in the bedroom- as Jimmy Carr would say 😂What good comes from suffering?You could say that it makes you a stronger person in every sense but that's not always the case & if it is, then suffering's not worth itWould you ever intentionally hurt someone?NoHave you ever intentionally hurt someone?YeahDo you masturbate?Who doesn'tWhat or who has been distracting you?Nothing reallyIs there something holding you back from achieving something? What is it?Not reallyWhy do you listen to the music you listen to?Cause chart shite's so overplayed, it's good hahahaWhat is the worst thing you could hear right now?I didn't get the job I got interviewed for last weekWhen you’re lying awake tossing and turning, what do you think about?EverythingWhat are you upset about?Currently notWhy do you like the person you like? Describe in detail.Was this not already a question? I just like everything about her tbhIf you cut yourself, why do you do it?I haven't in a good 6 months but I have many reasonsWhen you meet someone for the very first time what do you want them to think about you?It's up to them, first impressions don't matter & always change anywayAre you being too hard on someone right now?Could be harder on some peopleWho would you like to forgive?MyselfWhat do you want more of in your life?Positivity, food, Lady GagaWhat do you want less of in your life?DumbassesWhom do you secretly envy? Why?No-oneIn one year from today, how do you think your life will be different?Hopefully in a job/more financially secure & lost weightWhat makes you feel secure?Family & friendsThere you go! Answers got a bit boring towards the end, sorry hahaha