#and jack is dominic (the guy apologizing in the video)

[strryhaze]

no other video in existence has ever exuded such bobby and jack energy than this one right here

[ferida-kahlo]

Michael Berzatto: NFSW Alphabet

(I apologize for the gif I chose but also... I don't. It's perfect)

⚠️ Warnings: SMUT (light mention of chocking and spanking)

Notes: I tried to make the scenarios as gender neutral as possible. Hope you enjoy!

Also, two PSAs: 1) this is the first ever smut thing I publish; 2) English is my 2nd language, so please be gentle! But also feel free to let me know what you think 💕

A= Aftercare (what they��re like after the act)

He's not super affectionate, but he will check on you (mostly for the macho validation). Probably with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle and a cheeky "so... that was fun huh". If he's invested in the relationship, he will uncounsciously begin cleaning you up, after particularly rough sexy times, and bringing you a glass of water.

B= Body part (favorite body part their own or their lovers)

Of their own - I think he is very proud of his hair, arms and hands

Of their lovers - I'm like 1000% sure this guy is an ass and legs man. Also: tummies!

C= Cum (anything that has to do with it)

He's got a thing for facials, if his partner is up for it

D= Dirty secret (Pretty self explanatory)

When he types "You" on the search engine, the automatic result is YouPorn. Interpret that as you will (this man watches a lot of porn)

E= Experience (do they know what they’re doing)

He's got plenty of experience with casual sex and likes to make sure his lovers are satisfied. However, I headcanon him as only discovering what the clitoris was at like... 22 🫣

F= Favorite position

This boy loves reverse cowgirl (great view of your ass + he can grip your waist and thighs). Honorary mention for doggy.

G= Goofy (how serious are they)

Goofy is his middle name. He cracks jokes throughout and somehow manages to not make it weird - it's all part of his charm

H= Hair (grooming habits)

Bare minimum. He trims occasionally

I= Intimacy (in the moment romantic or rough/dirty)

Definitely dirty - not necessarily rough, unless his lover asks for it

J= Jack off (do they masturbate and how often)

Several times a week - he picks a video and just goes for it. If he is in a relationship, he also loves getting off on his partner's nudes (obtained with consent!)

K= Kink (kinks what they like possibly unusual)

Roleplaying (specifically librarian kink).

Body worship (he loves taking his time kissing and licking all over his partner's body).

Voyerism (slight), he gets off on doing it in places where they might get caught.

Also, a very underexplored praise kink, both giving and receiving (i'm not saying he would come in his pants when his lover moans "God, Mikey, you are so good, so good to me... such a good boy"... but he definitely would)

L= Location (where they like to get it on)

He loves doing it in couches, for some reason. Also, he fantasizes about fucking in the office at the restaurant, or really any public / semi public place.

M= Motivation (things that makes them tick/turn ons)

He likes his lovers feisty and with a sense of humour - if they give him a bit of hell for his stories, he actually finds it kind of hot. As for clothes, tight pants and mini-skirts/dresses do the trick - I picture him as having a thing for y2k style on women, for some reason

N= No (turnoffs or absolutely won’t do)

Daddy/mommy kink - if his lover calls him daddy he is running for the hills

Hitting / spitting - he is open to very light chocking or ass-spanking, but not to the more extreme humilliation and domineering stuff

O= Oral (receiving or giving and how skillful they are)

Both, he loves it. If his lover kneels on the floor and starts unbuckling his belt, he immediatly gets hard. And he definitely knows how to give it to his partner - goes real slow, explores all the little spots with his mouth and fingers, experiments with different speeds and pressure... he could spend hours between their legs

P= Pace (how fast they are and how long they last in bed)

When he can, Mikey takes a long time with preliminaries - like, a lot. He loves teasing his partner, but also just loves worshipping their body and being worshiped back. Because of this, the penetration aspect of it usually doesn't last for long, but both end up satisfied.

Q= Quickie (do they prefer fast and hard)

He is absolutely down for a quickie, but if the relationship is serious he prefers to take his time.

R= Risk (do they like to try new things)

Oh yeah. He's got a slight voyeristic kink and the ideia of doing it in semi public places turns him on. Also very open to trying new positions, sex toys and kinks if his partner suggests it

S= Stamina (how many times they can go and how long each round lasts)

Around 2 - the 1st one is usually long, so after the 2nd one he is usually done (and so is his partner)

T= Toys (are they game for using sex toys on themselves or lovers)

Not so much for himself, but he would definitely be down to use a vibrator on his partner, or any other sort of stimulant toy

U= Unfair (how do they tease or do they enjoy suspense themselves)

He absolutely loves teasing his lovers. Not so much in a "i'm gonna deny you orgasm" kind of way, but more in a "i'm gonna make you come 10 times before i actually put my cock inside you" kind of way. By the time penetration happens his lover is out of their mind. He is himself less patient when his partners try to tease him in a sexual context, but discovers he has a thing for being soft!dommed and praised

V= Volume (are they loud, what sounds, and do they talk)

This man does not shut up in life or in the bedroom. Really into dirty talking, teasing, praising. He isn't super loud, especially when he's close, his voice gains a husky tone before he finishes with a string of grunts and curses

W= Wild card (random sincannon of any sort)

I've seen this mentioned elsewhere here, but I am sure him and Richie have shared at least one girl in their youth 👀 also, if he is in a relationship, he secretly loves it when his partner calls him Big Bear when they are alone

X= X-ray (what’s down below in dem pants)

Average length, with a considerable girth

Y= Yearning (sexdrive level)

High for his age, but definitely lower when he's going through a rough time

Z= Zzzz (do they sleep after if so how quickly after)

Sex for him works like a release. By the time he finishes, he's exhausted physically and emotionally but he also feels light as a feather - those are some of the only times he sleeps like a baby

[imhereonthekitchenfloor]

I was sent this video by an anon on analyzing Matty Healy's most problematic moments and how problematic they were in context and I have some thoughts.

Overall, I think Lauren did a very good job at explaining everything in full context since there were a lot of hazy details. She researched well and I totally understand her points. The video was split into 3 main controversies, Matty saying dating Taylor would be "esmaculating", him doing the Nazi salute at concerts, and The Podcast and all the comments within it.

The first topic covered was how Matty said being with Taylor would be an emasculating experience.

Summary: Apparently when the article was first released it was taken out of context and the original journalist wrote a followup. Also Matty was never saying it in an anti-feminist way, he was saying it with the ego of a performer who doesn't want to be titled as only being "Taylor Swift's boyfriend" while having not even dated her

Thoughts: eh this is pretty much exactly how I interpreted it. I know "ego of a performer" comes off pretty neutral, but as someone in a male dominated field and a team where none of the woman fit in, the men's egos are almost always codeword for sexism. There is a very casual sexism in men believing they are the best in their craft, and that's exactly the vibes I got from this line. Its so common someone like Taylor probably doesn't even notice.

The next section was about the nazi salutes.

Summary: The 1975 has an anti Donald Trump song and there are Trump quotes in the song, including thanking Kanye. On stage he does a slightly off Nazi Salute with both hands. The Jewish narrator of this video, Lauren, didn't really see issue with this

Thoughts: 👁👄👁 she didn't see issue with an almost nazi salute just because it was in an anti trump song??? Wasn't that the whole thing of "saying controversial things for the sake of being controversial" isn't cool. It's like how you dont say the n word to quote a bad person saying it. You dont do a nazi salute or an equivalent to mimic someone doing a nazi salute.

The Pocast™️

Summary: Matty went on The Adam Friedland Show and listened to the hosts trash talk Ice Spice, talked about watching porn that may or may not have been the problematic porn website, said a bunch of other weirdly masculine things, was anti racial abuse in regards to Doja Cat, and laughed at many problematic and inappropriate jokes. He later apologized publically to Ice Spice and the podcast hosts said he may have been lying about the porn thing

Thoughts: okay so might be innocent here but there are also a lot of hoops to jump through and I question why. Why is he laughing along with these jokes if he doesn't agree? Why did he agree to go on the podcast? Why not apologize for the whole porn thing if it was so offensive? It sounds like a white dude thinking he was the best and laughing along with bros. Cool he can support doja cat when it's a peer but not other black woman when he doesn't know them? The whole thing gives me icky vibes.

Overall I think I have a lot clearer picture of who Matty is. He seems like a white guy that benefits from being a white man and does or says problematic things while thinking he is being so liberal.

I think a main theme in this video was "why is Taylor being made to blame for his imperfections" and it really is because I care about Taylor. I dont care about Phoebe or Jack. That's why I am upset with Taylor. I dont think that's anti feminist of me like the video portrays or a double standard. Plain and simple, and I did not think Taylor was someone who was okay being around people like this and it makes me uncomfortable to be supporting her to the level I was before.

[taechaos]

Your Boy, No?

pairing: bully!Jungkook x nerdy!fem!Reader

genre: drabble, smut, college au

synopsis: You can't stand seeing Jungkook with another girl, so you give him a piece of your mind in a stranger's bedroom by becoming his outlet of sexual frustration.

warnings: losing virginity, riding, degradation

a/n: jungkook's character is not exactly submissive, so i added my own twists to this request. i hope you don't mind @madygswich c:

word count: 2.5k

You can't stop pouting. Holding back tears when seeing a woman perched up on Jungkook's lap while they make out has proven to be difficult, but you're trying. It hurts your heart; hell, you're aching everywhere. It doesn't take a genius to know he's doing it to get a reaction out of you when his eyes are throwing daggers at you with his tongue down another girl's throat.

Following Jungkook around like a lost puppy isn't ideal, especially at a frat party. He never gives you the time of the day if it's not out of menace, but you aren't willing to give up on him. It's just not possible when you are so in love with him, and so fucking jealous.

More than Jungkook, you're mad at the girl. You want to rip her heart out, make her suffer for ever touching the love of your life. You're becoming irrational, mentally cussing her out for being a whore while you stop yourself from breaking down in a house filled with horny young adults. You don't know a single person here, and you have to deal with your pent up emotions all by yourself.

You choke out a sob when Jungkook starts kneading the girl's ass shamelessly with her skirt hiked up to her back. They're being so inappropriate in the kitchen of a stranger's house, while you can't even take a sip from your spiked drink in the bustling living room. You abruptly stand up and throw away your plastic cup when Jungkook's hand disappears elsewhere, and you have an idea of what he's about to do. You march over to him, looking absolutely tiny next to the overbearing college students and you don't notice Jungkook's sinister smile as he watches you fume.

"Let go," you sound hoarse, and not at all intimidating when you push the girl off of his lap. She stumbles at the force, but you pay no mind to her confusion as you pull Jungkook up by his arm to drag him away. You think it's the anger and adrenaline giving you so much strength, but it's Jungkook amusing himself by allowing you to take him upstairs.

"This isn't a therapy session, little girl," he yells over the music, "I didn't come here to listen to you cry."

You huff and let a single tear slip before harshly wiping it away. When you reach the hallway, you enter the first bedroom you find. It's occupied by a foreplaying couple, but you're driven as you hiss, "Out!"

They leave at your demand, and you're confusing a lot of people tonight. Jungkook is surprised by your sudden aggression, but he doesn't stop with his remarks, "the chihuahua's gone mad."

"Shut up, Jungkook!" you whirl around angrily to face him. "How could you do that to me?!"

He quirks a brow. "Do what to you? I'm sorry, am I the one who forcefully brought you here? Am I tripping or are you?"

You push at his chest, "you're a fucking whore! Tonguing a girl in front of everyone, in front of me?"

His shoulders shake in silent laughter and you cross your arms when he starts cackling loudly. The music is drowned out and muffled behind the door, but it's nothing compared to how hysterically Jungkook is laughing.

"What's so funny?" you ask lamely. He throws his head back as he clutches his stomach, and you're starting to get annoyed. You push him on the bed, but he's still laughing. "Quit it already," your voice wavers, but you don't back down as you smack his chest. You place your knees on both sides of his hips to limit his movement and cover his mouth to shut him up.

His crescent eyes turn intense instantly as he glares at you under his hooded lids. He exerts only a tiny bit of his energy into pushing your hand away and you weakly collapse on him. It's foul play to compete with his muscles, and you realize he can snap you in half if he wanted to regardless of your rush of adrenaline.

You sit back up as he lowly speaks, "The fuck's it to you? I wanted to fuck her, and I was going to until you stepped in as if you're my girlfriend. Tell me why I shouldn't go back to her right now." He clasps his hands under his head, making himself comfortable with your weight pressing against his crotch.

"You know why," you huff with a frown, and you look so cute in the dim lighting with your baggy knitted sweater bunching up on the sleeves, sitting on his bulge with so much innocence in your expression. He's smitten, but it doesn't show in his cold stare. "I'm your girl, and I won't tolerate you messing around with other women. It's slutty!" You slightly bounce for emphasis, but your knee-length skirt hides your actions. Jungkook feels it with you, and his eyes trail down to your lower region.

"My girl?" he parrots with a raised brow. He gazes back into your eyes. "You do my homework."

"I don't care. I love you," you plead pathetically, "please say you love me back."

"Wasn't I a whore just a second ago?"

"You were! Apologize to me," you harshly yank his head back by his hair. He doesn't react in the slightest, so you softly add, "please."

"Oh little girl," he sighs, "are you really trying to dominate me right now?"

"I am dominating you. Promise me you won't kiss another girl like that again. I won't forgive you a second time."

"Yeah? What's my loss?"

"Well, you're lazy in school," you bluntly state, "and no one loves you like I do. No one would try to cater to you like I do. I'd do anything for you, Kookie." You tug down your skirt to take it off and plop back down on him before saying, "Including sex. You can only use me for your sexual needs."

He's enamored by your words, but he doesn't dare share it with you. Instead, he thrusts upwards and you yelp when you jump. "Go on then," he says nonchalantly. "Show me how much of a slut you are."

"U-Um, okay," you stutter and start unzipping his black denim jeans. You've seen a lot of porn videos to make sure you were prepared for the next step with Jungkook, but you have no experience with penetration.

And he realizes that rather quickly when you're so meek with your actions. With a groan, he asks, "You're not a fucking virgin, are you?"

"I've been saving it for the right guy," you answer with offence. This is a special occasion, and you want him to take it as seriously as you do. But it's definitely not a good idea to be snarky with him when you can barely remember the steps for safe sex. "Do you have a condom?"

"It's in my pocket," he grumbles and points at his front without taking it out himself. You're excited and nervous as you tear the wrapper and take out the preservative. You have no idea how to put it on, but you're topping so you clumsily push down his briefs. Jungkook is surprisingly throbbing under you, and you blush at the sight of his erection.

He stops himself from teasing you and saying that the girl from earlier gave him this boner, but he doesn't want to be cruel yet. It's your first time, and truthfully, he jacks off to thought of you too often anyway. He can handle being somewhat nice by staying quiet, but that doesn't mean he would teach you how to put on a condom.

You slip it on with little struggle, and don't waste any time in positioning his cock in your entrance. Before he can stop you, you sink down on his length with a painful moan. He wants to tell you that losing your virginity in this position is the most painful, but instead he groans, "Holy shit, how are you so fucking tight?"

It hurts so fucking bad. Your tear ducts are like clockwork as they water instantly, but you lower yourself down to the hilt anyway. You're quite literally sitting on his cock as you try to catch your breath because God, you're in so much pain.

"Fuck, are you okay?" he asks, but he's more worried about controlling himself from fucking into you before you can adjust. It's difficult, but he's trying.

"Jungkook," you whimper quietly with your eyes screwed shut, "it hurts."

"You're so fucking dumb for doing this, but you feel so fucking good," he pants as he holds your hips.

"Thank you," you muster out in a breath. A few seconds pass until the pain starts to numb, and you move against him very slowly. Your walls are stinging, but it feels like Heaven for Jungkook who you clench down on.

"Go up and down," he instructs with a bit lip. He tries to move your hips, but you're resisting in fear of another shock of pain. "Come on!"

"Can you wait?" you hiss through clenched teeth.

He's trying to rile you up when he says, "Sana wouldn't take this fucking long."

And it works, because you bounce once. "Don't say her name!"

He groans at your tightness, and he can't believe how wet you are. You're dripping on him, and he curses himself for holding back because of your hopeless romance. He can't entertain your conservative way of going on about this any longer, so he continues, "She would have made me cum by now, but this prissy princess can't even get a move on."

It's almost pathetic how one push from Jungkook makes you start moving, and it feels less uncomfortable to hop up and down against his pelvis. The filthy sound of slapping skin mixing with the generic radio music is making you feel so slutty because it's so stereotypical, but when Jungkook moans, it brings heat all over your body. You take your sweater off when sweat begins to cumulate on your temples, and he commands, "Take off your bra too."

He's thrusting into you as you unclasp the black material, freeing your breasts as he finds his new eyecandies. You are so pretty, your nipples are so hard, and your cunt sucks him in so perfectly. It almost upsets him when he realizes how much pleasure he's deprived himself of; the amount only you seem to be able to provide, because it's beyond physical intimacy.

"Good girl," he exhales and gently slams into you with his hands fondling your tits. You smile coyly through your tears, and he asks, "Does it still hurt?"

You contemplate for a second, because you don't feel the best yet, but you don't want to disappoint Jungkook either. "I-It doesn't," you lie.

Jungkook mentally rolls his eyes; he really wants to believe you so he can chase his high, but he sees right through you. He slaps your tit without mercy and chastises you, "don't lie. I thought this was your little moment of control."

"I'm sorry," you pout as you slowly ride him.

"Another lie," he slaps your other tit more harshly and you yelp.

"I'm not lying!" you plead and hasten your pace, desperate to sell your lie. It's working, because you're starting to feel a knot in your stomach the more you adjust.

He moans with you, and you lose yourself when he stills your hips and begins to fuck you himself. It's rough, loud, and the pain is your pleasure. His balls slap against your skin as he easily slides in and out of you with the help of your arousal. Your love dawns on him when you're so turned on for him without any foreplay, and he's on cloud nine because nothing can compare to being inside you.

The setting is so unlike you, fucking in someone's bedroom with a bunch of people behind the unlocked door who can barge in at any given moment, but he finds it so sexy. You only care about being with him, and you really do look like his slut now.

His hands start holding onto your ass, kneading it until it turns red with his fingerprints, and he demands you to kiss him. You're out of it, your ears are ringing and you can only moan out his name, but you can't bear to ignore him. Your lips fall on his, and the kiss is sloppy with his tongue all over your mouth. You can't keep up, but your chest swells with pride when you realize how needy he is for you. He goes as far as to spit in your mouth, and you swallow it without hesitation.

"You want me to play with your clit?" he murmurs against your lips, and his voice sounds so airy and melodic to your ears. "Hm? Want me to make you feel good, little slut?"

You whine without a clear response because his lips feel so soft and wet, and that's the only thing you can focus on. All you want to do is kiss him and he doesn't stop you from doing so, but you're even more overwhelmed when he starts touching you while penetrating you. "No," you whimper, "I'll cum."

"A slut can take it," he grunts and rubs your clit faster, and you come undone all too soon. You moan loudly as you tremble, shaking as he rides out your high with a pinch to your clit. You're numb when you collapse on top of him, but he's relentless with his thrusts. He's using your body as you intended, and he's vocal with his pleasure and teasing climax. It's remarkable how he holds you up when you've gone limp and still fucks you just as hard.

You want to record his voice when he starts to whine pathetically, but you have no energy left within. He's panting in your ear, and it's not long before his hips fall on the mattress with a sigh. He's surprised by how powerful his orgasm was, as he fills the condom with his release instantly. His cock is still nestled inside you as both of you recover from your climax.

"Get off," he taps your thigh, and he pushes you off when you don't obey immediately. Your spell has worn off as he starts to dress himself. "I'm going back to the dorms." You listen to him with your mind in a haze. "Unless you want to get raped on your way without me, get the fuck up now."

"Can you carry me please?"

He shrugs and swings your arm over his shoulder, picking up your body with ease. He collects your clothes in his hand, but doesn't hand them to you as he steps out of the room.

"W-Wait, Jungkook, I'm naked-"

"You're my girl, no? Be a good slut and shut the fuck up."

Dangling off his shoulder with your bare tits pressed against his back, you close your eyes and drift off on the way to campus.

Boyfriends typically drop their girlfriends off anyway, right?

[reidsexualwriting]

Only Fans (Reid/Reader)

Requested by reminiscing-writer via my ask box: But like imagine if the team gets a new agent on the team and Spencer takes literally seconds to recognize her lmao SuRpRiSe she’s an ex-porn star whose porns he was/is a huge fan of and even tho she’s Uber professional and even genius- he just can’t look her in the eyes without seeing her doing things to him lmao y did I think of this

Thank you so much for the request (and your patience with this prompt)! This fic is from Spencer's perspective, so it's a little different from what I usually write. I really liked this idea since it's a mix of crack and smut-ish stuff, so I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing!

Title: Only Fans Pairing: Reid x Reader Rating: M/Explicit Words: 1427 Warnings: Swearing and borderline smut-- everything in this fic is c/o Spencer Reid's imagination, so no outright sexual activity. Even as an M/Explicit work, there’s not much smut. A little sub!Reid?

I honestly thought my eyes were playing tricks on me when she walked into the bullpen, guided by Prentiss. I wasn't used to seeing her in FBI-appropriate clothing.

To be frank, I wasn't used to seeing her in any clothing appropriate for situations outside of the bedroom. I tried to be discreet while scanning her body as she shook hands with the other agents in the room.

My eyes weren't playing tricks on me, I noted as my eyes fell to her breasts. I'd recognize them anywhere. My mind wandered to a baby blue set of lingerie she'd worn in a video I'd seen. I knew I shouldn't think about her in that way, especially after seeing the badge on her left hip. I couldn't miss it with the hourglass figure.

I chastised myself in my head and tried to go back to my paperwork. I began scribbling meaningless notes in red pen on the case report in front of me while my mind continued to wander to all the times I'd seen her before-- legs spread and moaning.

After what felt like hours making pen marks and fantasizing I heard Prentiss clear her throat above me. "Reid," she said sternly, snapping me back to reality. "Reid, this is our new agent, Y/N." She gestured to the woman I had been daydreaming about. The woman held out her hand to me for a shake.

I hesitantly took her hand and shook. "It's nice to meet you Dr. Reid," she seemed to purr. "I've seen some of your lectures. I'm a really big fan." If only she knew.

I licked my lips and furrowed my brow slightly. "Thank you," I squeaked. I cleared my throat. "It's nice to hear someone appreciates my boring lectures."

"Oh they're far from boring," she mused. "They're part of what inspired me to become an FBI agent." She smiled, and I could feel myself getting hard. "And I'm definitely excited to be working with you." I felt a chill run down my spine. "And the rest of the team, of course," she added, gesturing to Emily.

I swallowed and let out a breathy laugh, looking to the floor as Emily led her to Rossi's office. How the fuck am I going to work with her when I can't even talk to her without getting hard?

Several days passed until we had a case. In that time, Y/N hadn't posted anything on any of her accounts (at least the accounts I knew about). I was almost grateful-- I thought it would make it easier to transition to seeing her as a colleague rather than an object of infatuation.

Easier said than done, I suppose. I could almost remember every frame of every video she’d ever posted, and every time I saw her in the bullpen with her lip between her teeth or the tip of her tongue barely visible, it was all I could think about-- those lips on my neck or that tongue on my cock. I dreaded seeing her in the bullpen because she wouldn’t get out of my head.

It only got worse when we got our first case. When she walked into the conference room, she was wearing a charcoal blazer with a low-cut blouse and the tightest pair of slacks I’ve ever seen. I couldn’t even bother to make my usual comments as Garcia gave us the case details, because I found myself trying to catch a glimpse of her exposed cleavage every chance I could.

I couldn’t help myself. How was I supposed to focus on a case when there was a woman-- not only sexy but smart-- that I had seen naked on multiple occasions sitting across the table from me? There was a part of me that selfishly couldn’t wait to see her in the field with a bulletproof vest and a gun. Most of her pictures, videos, and streams had her acting as a submissive, but I had a feeling she was more a dominant type and just produced what appealed to the most subscribers. I’m a sucker for strong women, I guess.

The case was relatively open and shut. It didn’t take long to catch the guy, but the arrest was something else. Mainly because it was exactly like I imagined but better. I was her support during the takedown. Watching Y/N yell at an unsub and chase him down was almost erotic. I felt a little gross, but as she clicked a pair of handcuffs on him I couldn’t help but stop in my tracks and imagine what it would be like if she handcuffed me and had her way with me.

When we stepped on the jet, most of the team crashed immediately, but Y/N sat at the table with me. I worked on the case report and she had her nose in a novel I’d already read. After an hour or so, she closed her book and sighed. “Can I check out your report?” she asked out of the blue.

“It’s-- uh-- it’s not finished yet,” I sputtered.

“I know,” she replied, setting the book down in the seat next to her. “I’m just curious.” She chuckled. “And I may need a couple of tips when I’m writing up my first report for the BAU.”

I smiled and handed her the report. She scanned through it at first, but then seemed to linger on a couple of paragraphs. I couldn’t see what she was so focused on, but I wasn’t paying much attention to it. I was watching her facial expressions as she quietly mouthed the words to herself with her brow furrowed. She finally handed it back. “Thanks,” she said. “Looks great. I just think you should add more to it about how much of a badass I was when I took that son of a bitch down.” Immediately after, she winked and picked her book back up. The rest of the flight was a long one.

When we touched down, Y/N offered to give me a ride home. It would mean leaving my car, but I couldn’t say no. I knew I had no chance of having sex with her, but it would at least be nice to get to know the woman I’d been jacking off to for months now.

We didn’t talk for the first few minutes of the car ride. She had her phone playing music through the AUX, and I recognized the music from one of her videos. “Have you heard this song?” she asked suddenly, glancing over at me before returning her attention to the road.

“Uh, yeah, I have,” I responded, trying to act as though I wasn’t replaying a video of her using a vibrator. “I really like it.”

I saw her grin, and it was silent for a couple seconds. “Zugzwang,” she announced, and I immediately felt panic set in. I shifted in my seat, and got ready to defend myself. “Spence,” she began (I noted the nickname), “I read your report on the plane because I had a sneaking suspicion I knew you from somewhere.”

“Well, you said you’ve seen some of my lectures,” I suggested.

She laughed quietly. “I meant in a more adult setting.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Do you know what I studied in college?” she asked. “Linguistics.” She looked over at me for half a second. “I recognized your language from the tips you sent me. Zugzwang is your username.”

“Y/N, I am so sorry,” I began, but she cut me off.

“Spencer, there’s no need to apologize. You helped pay my tuition that helped me get here. Just know that I’m a professional, and I know you are too.” We pulled up to my apartment as she finished. I felt my cheeks flush, and I went to grab my bag from the back seat. I opened the door, getting ready to step out, but she stopped me by gently grabbing my wrist. “I see how you look at me: in the office and in the field. I know this is probably out of line, but I’d love to give you some tips, too, if you’d let me.”

I was absolutely speechless as I stepped out of her car. She slipped a piece of paper in my hand and blew a kiss to me (the way she ended her streams). When I stepped into my apartment, I opened the paper to find her personal phone number with ‘xoxo’ written at the bottom. Suddenly I couldn’t wait to see her in the bullpen.

[popculturebuffet]

Darkwing Duck Quadruple Feature! (Beauty and the Beet, Whiffle While You Work, Jurassic Jumble, Something Fishy)

Welcome back! It’s been a bit since I visited St. Canard and my march to watching Just Us Justice Ducks by watching one episode, with the exception of Megavolt the first chronological appearances of, each member of the Justice Ducks and Fearsome Five. The Megavolt exception was so I could, by comission, cover the one and only appearance of the OTHER Negaduck if you were curious.So far besides Negsy and Volty, i’ve covered both of Morgana’s first chronological episodes, Liquidator’s and (SIgh) Gizmoducks. But with only 6 left to go.. I put the seires on hiatus to work on ride of the three cabs and my minty fresh retrospective of life and times. At the TIME it didn’t seem like a bad idea, I could get to this any time and what not.. but in hindsight.. yeah putting an almost finished project on hold till two much larger projects, that at the time of this review have 10 and 13 installments left, WHILE also starting two more projects... was not my best move, especially since I have a comission, and an episode needed to properly review that comission AND a valentine’s day episode to review.. all of which come AFTER Just Us Justice Ducks chronlogically and 2 of which involve Negaduck. So yeah I whiffed it bad on this one and this mini-marathon is my way of fixing that, finsihing up the last few episodes before the big event. The episode i’ve waited almost a decade to watch and one of the most loved in the series history: Just Us Justice DUcks, which is coming up next week. Then LIfe and Times will be right back where it was and I promise to get that out weekly. But yeah with logisitcs out of the way and 4 episodes to go, I don’t know how to go slow so let’s get dangerous shall we?

Beauty and the Beat:The Misplaced Batman the Animated Series Villian

We open with one of the first Darkwings I watched via my old Darkwing Duck DVDS, rewatched a while back and easily one of my faviorite episodes and the first apperance of my faviorite Darkwing Duck Villian, though Liquidator and now Quackerjack are giving him a run for his money. But yeah I love Reggie and part of it is he’s something far diffrent than what Darkwing normally fights. 

While he still fits in with the Rouges gallery: someone with either powers or a good gimmick whose intresting, engaging and most importantly to this show, Reggie is still diffrent in that he’s an inherently tragic figure. While the rest of the rouges have sympathetic qualities theier still not really good people: Quackerjack chose to lash out at what drove him out of buisness instead of starting over again, Megavolt is your standard wants money bad guy, and Liquidator was a massive asshole. And if you add in the other villians i’ve covered, Taurus Bulba was basically Marvel’s Kingpin as a bul and Splatter Phoenix while having a noble goal of funding her arts does so via framing an innocent child and stealing. They aren’t unsympathetic, some of them anyway, but they are still ruthless because they choose to be.  Reggie.. didn’t get that choice. We see from the start of this episode his life has just been being everyone elses punching bag: His boss dosen’t respect him, his cowowkers not only don’t respect him but actively bully him and only the newsest researcher has ever paid him the time of day much less told the two assholes, Gary and Larson, a nice shout out, to stop. And given I reviewed Wonder Woman 84 yesterday i’ts NICE to remember a version of a “geek becomes a supervillian’ story that’s.. actually good. This is basically the same sorry, a disrpsected scientest trnasforms and gets revenge.. just you know done right. 

And SOMEHOW Reggie’s life only gets worse as asshole one and asshole two sabotage his work, he gets fired and is forced to experiment on himself. While that’s a classic mad scientst and supervillian trope what’s notable is Reggie didn’t go immiedtly to world domination. He just wanted to cure world hunger and get some respect. He just wanted to be treated like a human being for once. Instead he got turned into a plant and despite this being a miracle.. he gets MOCKED by gary and larson and runs away, feeling like a freak. And since after that the transformation has clearly made his brain unstable.. he goes from a sweet, put upon guy who just wanted help to people.. to an obsessive plant monster.. who still just needs HELP. He needs therapy and a warm blanket and to turn his life around. And his motivation.. is just not being alone. While his kdinapping of the one scientest who liked him, and he assumes has feelings for him, is bad, and selfish.. it’s clear by that point Reggie is just not himself anymore. He’s Bushroot now. He’s lost himself and were this a diffrent show maybe he could’ve gotten the help he needed and some empathy.  But what adds to the tragedy is Darkwing himself. This episode really showcases one of Darkwing’s biggest weaknses: his inablity to see crime other than in black and white terms. To him it’s just a game of heroes and villians. Nothing more nothing less. Villians can become heroes, as he hopes for Morgana, but to him there’s just good guys ,him and bad guys, everyone breaking the law. For someone whose often seen as an outlaw himself.. he still can’t see things in any other terms. However instead of just being lazy writing... it’s a clever character quirk, at the center of this episode and our final one, as well as one that pops up a little in Stegmutt’s first apperance. It nicely parodies/deocnscruts the whole good guy badguy dynamic by making it clear that sometimes while the person may be doing bad things.. they have a reason for it and sometimes the law just dosen’t work. It’s something I do wish they’d dug into more but given this was more of a comedy, I get why they didn’t, but what they did with it is great and it adds to this episode tremendously: Darkwing just sees Reggie as another villian to stop and not as a very unstable man who needs his help, but also needs tobe stopped for his own good. It’s why this is such a good episode, besides some great comic set pieces: it has a really tragic and moving story that , with some tweaking woudln’t of been out of place in batman the animateds eires. It’s still a bit goofy in places, as it should be giving the show it’s in btu at i’ts heart it’s just a relaly godo really tragic supervillian origin story. 

Whiffle While You Work: The Saving Grace of an Okay Episode This one’s more of a mixed bag. For the good... Quackerjack is fucking awesome. While I already loved him from the comics, I hadn’t met his more lightehearted tv counterpart yet.. but boy was he a delight. From his it’s play time catch phrase which despite being repeated a LOT never got bored to his really invenitve use of toys. While a vilian with a toy gimmick is not new, Toyman has been around for.. 80 years? Damn. I should do some Superman TAS episodes this year to commemerate that. Point is between him and the joker the gimmick isn’t “New” but Quackerjack still feels unique from using actual jacks, to a motorized hula hoop, to a GIANT CRYING BABY DOLL TO FLOOD A CITY. Jackie is just a delight every minute he’s on screen, and his motivation is solid: wanting to get revenge at the Whiffle Boy video game and i’ts insuing phenmonin and merchandise deals for squeezing him out of buisness. It makes him mildly symathetic enough to be intresting but not enough to override his terrible actions. He’s just fun to watch, and Micheal Bell is phenominal in the roll. easily one of my faviorite vilians thus far and it’s easy to see why he showed up quite a bit. 

Sadly the rest of the episode.. is not very intresting. It starts with your standard “Adult gets child away from the video game only to play it” plot which is belivieble, my dad was a gamer back during my childhood and probably still plays games ocasionally to this day. He fucking loved Starcraft, Ultima ONline, Super Metroid, Warcraft II and III.. and swearing. He really loved swearing at the games. And the idea of the episode isn’t bad, Drake is jealous that Gosalyn is in the limelight for once.. the issue  being a grown man competing with his own daughter just makes Drake really unlikeable. He at one point tries to use his parental authority to take her out of the contest, lies about being in the competition, and dosen’t apologize or learn enough to make up for his being a dick about this. THe episode really suffers from Launchpad not being around to be a buffer between the two and as ssuch it’s just uncomfortable. Hell Gos threatens to reveal Drake’s identity to .. someone.. but she still comes off sympathetic as when Drake presses her on it.. it’s very clear she made the threat on the spur of the moment out of hurt. 

Also the whole Whiffle Boy game craize extending to a city is delightfully batshit, and plausable given i’m pretty sure if nintendo could afford their own city we’d have it over in japan and for a video game episode in the 90′s, this one isn’t all that bad. It actually seems to get games on SOME level, and seems based more on an arcade game, which drake plays whiffle boy on at one point and the 80′s arcade competition craze, and since arcade comeptitions were still a huge thing in the 90′s, it’s very clear this si written by people who actually know what a video game is and don’t just fear it as some strange doodad their kids are into. Trust me I’ve been around animation so long this plot has become tiresome. So not a BAD episode, just held back by drake being written even more dickishly than usual.  P.S. there’s apparently an ultima level to the game.. so either Lord British is finally putting Chuckles down or someone needs to know what’s a paladin. 

Jurassic Jumble: Two Great One Shot Characters that Taste Great Together Well okay Segmutt does get one more episode but this is still his only episode on his own just like Neptuina next, so I count it well enough. Point is this episode is pretty good. It does have some weaknsses: It starts with Drake not beliviing Honker’s theory about a recent theft of acountants, one he’s only on the scene for because he happens to really need help with his taxes because, contrary to what Wesley Snipes thought, Superheroes still need to pay taxes. He dosen’t belive it’s dinosaurs.. he dosen’t belivie it’s dinosaurs despite the foot prints, honker being smart and HAVING FOUGHT A DOG MADE ENTIRELY OF WATER. 

I just get annoyed when superheros in a superhero universe don’t hav ea logical reason for dismissing something.. or random citizens.. it was fine if reptitous in the stan lee days because it’d been 20 years, at the time, since superheros were active and people can be stupid but it gets grating when someone says somethin’gs not possible in a superhero universe. Given we’re currrently dealing with an outgoing president who refuses to accept an election is real and his followers who think masks are a polical issue i’ts not exactly unrelasitic, dosen’t mean it’s enjoyable to read or watch. 

Still it works here because it splits the plot nicely and Gosalyn’s disbleif is less grating as she just wants it to be martians and dosen’t bully her friend or anything over it, just makes a few snyde remarks. The episode also wasn’t helped at first by the fact there’s a really reptitive bit where Darkwing bungies down to investigate the crook he thinks is responsible, but is actually just chilling at his minium security prison. It’s just not funny and takes up too much of the episode. But the episode picks up towards the second half when we meet our dinosaur: Stegmutt, a dumb but kind and friendly child like former janitor turned stegasaurs, whose unwittingly kidnapping people for his “friend” Dr. Fossil, the professor who turned him, and genuinely is not a bad soul and likes gosalyn and honker. He’s just clumsy and destructive and working for someone he dosen’t know is evil.  Speaking of which.. Dr. Fossil is really damn awesome and i’ts a shame he never came back in the comics or cartoon and hopefully Frank does him better in the reboot. Seriously he’s enjoyable, a bit nebbish but delightfully insane, deciding to wipe out all non dino life because he’s tired of getting panicked screams in the street and of all the dino merchandise like those puzzles with the pieces missing. He’ sjust delightfully nutty, with his love of saying bin bang boom and his having to put up with Stegmutt’s antics, as well as the whole joke that he TURNED HIMSELF INTO A DINOSAUR, yet gripes about being a dinosaur and acts like it’s humanity’s fault , balking when Gosalyn suggests he just.. turn himself back. Plus Ptetrodacytl’s are awesome so tha’ts a bonus. Seriously his showing up turns the episode from okay to fucking amazing. Seriously bring him back for the reboot.. and get Rich Fulcher to voice him. Seirously Bob Fossil as Dr. Fossil... it’s too perfect NOT to do casting gag wise, and he frankly perfectly fits the charcter down to the nasily voice. Plus Rich does voice acting quite a bit, so he’s already likely in Frank’s Rolodex. 

Stegmutt himself is also not too shabby, your standard child like moron, but he’s got a sweetness and niceness to him and we get some good gags like his habit of breaking off handles, his opening sodas with his tail and Fossil getting rid of him by telilng him to check if he left the bathroom light on...

And the climax with Darkwing.. turning.. into this

I don’t get it either but i’ts still a fun climax. Also forgot to mention Dr. Fossil can do that blow you away by flapping his wings thing Storm Eagle can do. Neat. All in all while not the series BEST outing, it has some flaws holding it back, it’s a damn fun one and one I highly recommend. Okay one more. 

Something Fishy: The Better Submariner This is a simple but good one: St. Canard beach has gotten trashy.. literally there’s trash everywhere. And while Drake is ambilent to it, Gosalyn is taking up the crusade to take out the trash and the garbage people... and gets her dad beaten up over it by dumping trash on some guys head but frankly, he deserved it.  Things go up a notch though when some sea creatures invade and .. clean up the beach and beat up darkwing. And while they destroy some property.. they aren’t exactly wrong? This is where that flaw I mentioned comes in though. Drake just.. can’t see things in shades of grey and insits he must be the good guy and whoevers doing this must be stopped.  However it becomes clear when we meet the antagonist that while her methods are wayy to extreme.. she’s in the right. Neputina is an awesome character, easily one of the series best and esaily horribly underulitized. She was a simple fish who thought a toxic waste barrel was a new friend.. and learned the hard way by becoming a sexy fish woman. Yeah I said it. But her motive is understandable thanks to her origin and just how BAD it’s gottne, with piles of trash all underwater and the laws Drake cites agianst this sort of thing not doing squat. It’s a nice take on the old enviornmental message , something I dreaded going in as it makes a valid point; sometimes diong things the “right” way isn’t enough.. but it still dosen’t justify harming innocent people in the process, as Nep’s ultimate plan to flood the city would.  Launchpad ends up being the voice of Reason as drake is too caught in his games of good guy bad guy to get Neptuina ISN’T a bad person, just one fed up with people hurting those she cares about. Neptuina is a unique villan in that unlike Morgana, who while having a sympathetic motive was out for herself, Stegmutt, who didn’t reailze he was on the wrong side, and Gizmoduck.. wellll

Neptuina.. is just misguided. She has the right idea but the wrong methods and Darkwing’s too stubborn to admit it.. but he’s also seen as in the wrong with Launchpad realizing DW just.. isn’t the good guy this time, but in the best scene of the episode talking Neptuina down by pointing out innocent people will get hurt. It’s a good, nuanced episode about envrionmetnalism with a throughly charasmatic and intrersting, acted wonderfully by Sussan Silo, antagonist. Neptuina is a better version of Marvel’s namor the submariner: she goes against humanity.. but I don’t want to punch her and dosen’t have one of her constnat character traits as “I want to bank your wife richards BANG YOUR WIFEEEEE”

So overall.. a good batch of episodes. Only Wiffle While You Work was all that weak, and even it had it’s charms and Quackerjack. It shows the series overall quality: even the just okay episodes here are still really fun to watch. It’s just a solid show overall and whie not without flaws is a classic to this day for a reason. Next week we’ll wrap this up with JUST US JUSTICE DUCKS! Until then stay safe and goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. 

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 105

[Date: 28/03, 2:13 AM GMT - 28/03, 2:56 AM GMT]  

Duke: “Greetings. It is our delight and honour to meet your acquaintance.”

Duchess: “My name is Duchess. My brother is Duke. Charmed, I'm sure.”

[People welcome Duke and Duchess to the server]

Kate: “Hello you two! Welcome to the server!”

Duke: “Such kindness and warmth, how lovely it is to see.”

Kate: “I’m sure you’ll find that the people here are... quite quirky, to say the least.”

Duchess: “Ah, all the more interesting! I'm sure everyone will get along swimmingly.”

donti (e) (child): “we try to”

jayyyyyyyy: “dont be too sure about that”

S T A L: “Greetings you two! Apologies for the odd language but my ender is... subpar.”

Duke: “How quaint. The way you speak simply adds to your intrigue, Stal.”

Kate: “Oh, from what I’ve seen so far, Stal’s pretty alright!”

Kate: “There’s a few people here I’d... advise you to avoid conversing with. Some of them aren’t fans of the family.”

Duchess: “Oh, I'm sorry to hear, Kate! we'll do our best to be cautious, then. :)”

[Big G: “!! Stal u speak galactic??”]

S T A L: “Ah, it's my original language”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “would now be an aproprate time to do a fit check or no?-”

Duke: “A fit check? what is that?”

Kate: “What is this with you and fit checks?”

jayyyyyyyy: “ren just wants to know what youre wearing

which sounds weird now that ive said it out loud but its really not”

Duke: “You wish to know what clothes my sister and I adorn? Are you interested in the style and cut of cloth or the colour of the dye? I am afraid I am baffled as to what you are asking I must admit.”

Jack the Observer: “For the artists here, what sort of clothes you and your siblings like to wear is very important”

Duchess: “I think I understand, Duke. I have a photo of my current attire. Does this suffice?”

[jayyyyyyyy: “hey duke, duchess, i want your guys' opinions on something”]

jayyyyyyyy: “still wanting your guys' opinion on a thing”

Duke: “What opinion of ours do you crave, Jay?”

[Jeight proceeds to send the lyrics of the Fortnite theme song in the chat:]

jayyyyyyyy: “[Chorus: All]

Take me to your Xbox to play Fortnite today

You can take me to Moisty Mire, but not Loot Lake

I really love to chug jug with you

We can be pro-Fortnite gamers

[Water Break: bogwandyy & Chief Beef]

Bro my jaw hurts so much

Water break

[Bridge: All]

La-la-la-la-la-e-ya

La-la-la-la-la-e-ya

La-la-la-la-la-e-ya

Will you be my pro Fortnite gamer? (Pro Fortnite gamer)

[Verse 3: All]

Can we get a win this weekend?

Take me to Loot Lake

Let's change the game mode and we can Disco Dominate

Let's hop in an ATK

Take me to the zone

I'm running kind of low on mats, I need to break some stone

Dressed in all his fancy clothes

He's got Renegade Raider and he's probably a pro

He just shot my back

I turn back and I attack

I just got a victory royale

A victory royale

[Chorus: All]

Take me to your Xbox to play Fortnite today

You can take me to Moisty Mire, but not Loot Lake

I really love to chug jug with you

We can be pro Fortnite gamers

opinion on this ^^^”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “jeight I dont think they can give their opinion on something if they dont know what the thing is”

[The people question why Jeight is the way he is and admonish him for his question.]

Kate: “... Duchess, I gotta ask. Where did you get that dress? Because that is GORGEOUS.”

Duchess: “That is... A fascinating piece.”

[People exclaim how pretty Duchess’s dress is!]

Duchess: “Ah, Kate, I purchased it from a particular online vendor! It is one of my favorites.”

Duke: “The misspelling of a fortnight is very concerning to me, are your tutors illiterate by chance? I do not judge if so, only suggest hiring new ones who may give you a proper education.”

Big G (they/them): “Jeight did you know that you're one of my favorites?”

Jack the Observer: “Duke, I am so sorry on Jay's behalf.”

jayyyyyyyy: “I copy and pasted it :] its not fortnight, but actually fortnite, a popular online videogame

why are you sorry. I’m amazing”

Kate: “...I forgot you people play that stupid game.”

Jack the Observer: “Jeight, literally just sit down and be quiet please.”

Duke: “Apologies, what is a video game?”

Big G (they/them): “wait huh”

jayyyyyyyy: “youre forgiven! (though it was a little rude to assume I’m illiterate”

Kate: “It's a game that you play on a electronic device, like a computer.”

jayyyyyyyy: “its a victory royale based game, where you spawn in on an island, gather materials, and try to be the last one standing”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “Duke do you now what poggers, pog, or pogchamp is”

jayyyyyyyy: “I dont actually play it, but it became very popular a few years ago

Jack the Observer: “literally stop. stop. how are you all so impolite

Duchy, I am so sorry”

Kate: “ ... I can show you both later? It's easier to show than explain, really.”

jayyyyyyyy: “"you are all so impolite" says the one calling him duchy”

Big G (they/them): “ooo”

Duchess: “I, at least, am familiar with the internet, video games, and "pogchamp". 

I must say I am not sure why Duke has no knowledge on these matters. It is frankly somewhat concerning.”

llyr (they/them): “that's their twitter name though, I dont think it's impolite 3:”

jaynoblade: “...jay that is literally the term for the two of them. theyre called the duchy.”

[jayyyyyyyy: “"you are all so impolite" says the one calling him duchy”]

Jack the Observer: “that is literally what Duke and Duchess are called as a group. its a title.”

jayyyyyyyy: “oh! I thought you were calling Duke "duchy" and I was really confused, my bad

Duke: “I understand you may be giving me this information in hopes that I will see clarity where I have been blind before but through the eyes of I this is truly confusing. Do not treat me as a fool.”

Duke: “Jack I thank you for your courteous behaviour, it is most comforting in such strange times.”

jayyyyyyyy: “my bad, Duke. I didnt mean to seem like that. I was just trying to explain because you seemed really confused-- ill stop now”

Jack the Observer: “They are, I believe, purposefully trying to confuse you, and I deeply apologize. That's just... how they are.”

jayyyyyyyy: “I was not. it was just a welcoming prank”

Duke: “Thank you. It is not my intention to cause strife and discord but I do not enjoy being laughed at like the main attraction at a rare wonders show.”

Jack the Observer: “they just got here.”

llyr (they/them): “a welcoming prank??”

jayyyyyyyy: “they're not actually laughing at you, Duke. they're laughing at me”

emuhlee: “Jack is right. This is just, how it is around here.”

Jack the Observer: “They literally just got here. and you thought the best way to welcome them. was to mock them for not knowing things that you do??

what kind of logic–”

jayyyyyyyy: “I wasny mocking them jack”

Jack the Observer: “could've fooled me”

jayyyyyyyy: “I pulled a little prank and when they showed confusion I genuinely tried to explain it to them”

Jack the Observer: “its the "prank" part that I'm concerned with.”

jayyyyyyyy: “posting lyrics to a parody song?”

Big G (they/them): “I can only see a small bit of that as being mocking, I'll be honest (:?”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “I’m sorry Duke but I genuinely don't understand you. I’m not trying to be rude but I’m more used to casual talk and grammar and not the more fncy speech you're using.”

Dollar General Tubbo: “I can help you if need be, Ren, just let me know.”

Duke: “Apologies Ren. I can attempt to... Speak more plainly if that is what you desire?”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “I’m fine just not used to the fancy words. I'l get it eventually”

jayyyyyyyy: “actually, Duke, your vocab really interests me. where did you pick it up from? most of the other court has a decent vocabulary, but nothing as formal as yours and your siblings”

Big G (they/them): “If you're more comfortable with speaking formally, I dont think it's necessary for you to speak differently :]”

Duke: “The pattern in which I speak has been with me since I was crowned. It is only most understandable, seeing how my sister and Iare nobility and thus must act as such.”

Jack the Observer: “If Ren can't understand proper speech, that is their own failing, not your own. feel no need to change your nature :)”

Duchess: “Indeed, this manner of speech is only natural for my brother and I. We can, however, attempt to use more simple words if that would be easier for you all.”

jayyyyyyyy: “I sorta guessed that you two mustve come from high class, though to actually hear it upfront is, uh.. interesting, to say the least. most of the other court is definitely not as open and honest of their pasts as you”

[Jack the Observer: “If Ren can't understand proper speech, that is their own failing, not your own. feel no need to change your nature :)”]

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “I would yell at you but I'd rather not get shrunk so just- ok”

Jack the Observer: “I’m not. lying.”

[Duchess: “Indeed, this manner of speech is only natural for my brother and I. We can, however, attempt to use more simple words if that would be easier for you all.”]

Jack the Observer: "I, personally, have no preference. whichever is more comfortable with you, I am happy to respond in like.”

Duke: “Our pasts are one of shame. You have no asked anything about the horrid life we have left behind and thus have received no answers in turn. Do not say that we are as open as the others for that is a falsity.”

Dollar General Tubbo: “Quite understandable.”

Duchess: “That is enough, Duke. We are new to this circle. We should remain civil.”

jayyyyyyyy: “my bad, you just seemed more open because you at least said you were originally of nobility. none of the other court members exactly give many clues of their pasts, yknow?”

[Jack the Observer: “I’m not. lying.”]

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “well I’m sorry my vocabulary isn't as great as yours jack, but I never had a need to speak like Duke and Duchess do so I never learned to speak like them I do perfectly fine with the way I speak now and see no problem with it”

Jack the Observer: “you don't see me telling you to change your nature either.”

jayyyyyyyy: “hey, if yall are gonna argue, head to a different channel”

Duke: “You are correct of course sister but it does well to remember a web of lies uncared for will choke the one for who it weaves. I simply do not wish for our name to fall to ruin because of a misunderstanding.”

Dollar General Tubbo: “Jack, if I read correctly Ren didn't demand for a change in nature. No need for being rude.”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “ANYWAYS! do either of you (Duke and Duchess) have  a favorite number?”

Duke: “However, civility is the noblest pillar of which humanity stands on. Please cease your fighting you two, it can be easily discussed later.”

jayyyyyyyy: “I agree with Duke here. no point in arguing over something so small, specially during a regular conversation”

Duchess: “Hm, if we had to pick, I'd say our favorite number is two! good things come in pairs, do they not? :)”

[roslinadama-sinequanon]

Major Crimes-Conspiracy Theory Pt. 1

Anticipation-three things I was waiting for in this episode 1. I wanted to see the rings. I wanted to make sure the ceremony took place since we, you know, didn’t get to actually see it.  2. To hear if Sharon would be called Commander Raydor or Commander Flynn. I’m hoping for Flynn, so that means it will probably be Raydor. 3. To hear Andy refer to Sharon as his wife or Sharon to refer to Andy as her husband. (I got two out of three, the jury is still out over Flynn vs. Raydor)

So, this episode was a light one. I feel like we needed a light episode after the past 5 depressing ones, however, I’m not sure it was the right case for a comedy episode.  

Granted, they were filming this episode long before the shit hit the fan with politicians and entertainers being fired or resigning due to sexual harrassment and assault issues, but, even without everything that��s happening in RL right now, I think it should have been taken a little more seriously. Or at least not had quite so much humor.

Honestly, I think it would have been far more interesting to have this be the storyline that pulled Sharon front and center rather than the trope, life threatening illness. I would love to have seen this storyline used to bring forward Sharon’s own experiences on the force with sexual harassment and also how she dealt with some of that once she was in FID. There could have been great dialogue between Sharon, Andrea, and Amy over this very topic and some of things they have had to deal with. Also, I think it would be interesting for the men to hear this coming from the women they work with and care about. I’m sure some of the things Sharon probably went through would be quite eye opening to Andy. This arc is not over, so I’m hoping, though not really believing, that we still might get some of this from our main characters point of view.

I do love the humorous episodes and I feel like the writers really missed the boat by not writing a classic ProFlynnza episode around Andy’s bachelor party. But, I suppose that would have been too much focus on the characters and the wedding and it would have taken away from the depressing Sharon illness storyline that I still hate and that has cast such a cloud over the whole season.

So, now on to the episode. I promise it’s not full of salt. There were quite a few things I enjoyed, especially considering we didn’t have any talk of Sharon being sick which was GREAT. I would love to be able to put that all behind us, even as I know we have more looming ominously ahead.

Onto the episode--

“Frank Boggs, AKV Security.”

Was it just me or did this guy seem to be a rehash of Dick Tracy? He even looked like Dick Tracy.

“Commander, what are you doing here anyway? I think we can handle an autopsy prelim.”

It sounds like even though they didn’t get to go to Ireland, Andy and Sharon did take some time off for a little honeymoon. I’d like to think they at least got away for a few days up to Santa Barbara or something.

Interesting that Provenza states “Commander, what are you doing here?” I would have thought he would have said “Commander, Flynn what you are both doing here, since I would assume they were honeymooning together. The only thing I can think of was that Provenza was more taking offence that the boss felt the need to come in when he felt he could handle what was going on.

“Nothing random happens in the Palisades.”

I guess I don’t know enough about the Palisades to get all these inside jokes. I do know that Mary lives in the Palisades, but that’s about all I know--and I’m assuming most of America and the rest of the world didn’t get the jokes either.

“Who’s Craig Curtis?”

Andy, Provenza, Sharon and Amy all know their football. Morales is the only one who is lost, after all “It’s not like he was nominated for an Oscar or something.”

“Tackles. Huge TV’s, big burgers, cute girls…Tasteless, the way they dress those waitresses there.”

I do love it when Andy opens mouth and inserts his foot-- and the way he trips all over himself trying to fix things once he gets that narrow eyed look from his wife. Yes his WIFE. He’s not sure if she’s really upset about what he said or not, but I like that she is more amused than anything.

“I should speak to the wrongfully terminated women.”

This is SO something bachelor Andy would have said.

“Don’t apologize again for sleeping with Aidan.”

Okay, so I’m not going to get into how my knickers got all twisted with yet more personal Gusty scenes--we’ve gotten way more of them than the other MAIN couple. What I will say is that when Rusty first starting seeing Gus, I liked Gus. I liked Gus a lot more than I liked Rusty and I felt that Gus was good for Rusty. I liked them as a couple. I didn’t really care about them as a couple, nor was I invested in them and I didn’t really care about seeing any  personal scenes between them, but I was okay with them as a couple. Last season I started to dislike Gus and when Rusty said “good-bye” to him, I really took it to mean good bye. Gus thought they could do the long distance relationship but Rusty knew it was over. And it seemed like that was the logical end of the relationship. Then, this season we have Rusty angsting over Gus, stalking him on social media and Gus not responding to Rusty. Get a clue Russ, the guy is done with you , just like you knew would happen when you said “good bye.” Only now we get more. We find out Gus has been sleeping with Aidan and that he and Rusty are through. Okay, cause I thought you were “through” last season, but, whatever. I really don’t care at all what goes on with these two and hope they stay broken up. This is not a good or healthy relationship.

“A gun…seriously?”

Really? Rusty just leaves his gun laying around? Hardly responsible gun ownership.”

“Man, this calendar is…” Sharon puts her hand out to take it away. “Very offensive Commander.”

Yet again, Wes is so much like Andy.

“You ought to show your tits now cause in a few years no one’s gonna want to see them and you’ll only get hired for your talent.”

OMG, your TALENT. How awful. This scene really hit’s the nail on the head, what with everything going on in the entertainment industry right now. What I found interesting in looking at the reactions of the team to this video, it is the men who are uncomfortable and disgusted--both Andy and Provenza have very visible negative reactions to the video, but Sharon doesn’t. She doesn’t seem to register much in the way of emotion.

I think there are a couple of reasons for this. I’m sure she has had to deal with sexual harassment in the past and this isn‘t as shocking to her as it is to the men. When she asked Jack for a divorce she even made the comment that the time for her needing his ring was long gone. Now that she was in a position of power she didn’t need  what little protection a ring gave her. Sharon is a beautiful woman in a male dominated paramilitary profession, so I feel like she’s experienced some of this first hand. When she was young and just starting out I’m sure she had to learn to keep that professional mask on when she was harassed. Then, she was in FID so I’m sure she saw and heard a hell of a lot when those cases came across her desk and that she probably worked very hard to make sure these guys got punished for their actions. This is the kind of stuff I want to know about Sharon Flynn. Much more interesting than her being sick.

“Gus is struggling to find a decent job.” “Struggling? Why is he struggling?”

First of all I love that Sharon is working on her “thank you” cards--and yes--finally a decent glimpse of the ring. At least there was some continuity with the wedding having taken place, and how like Sharon to get those thank you cards right out.

I loved the amused twist on Rusty’s lips when he tells her Gus is struggling. Mama Bear Flynn has her cub’s back, she seems just as “serves him right” about Gus as Rusty does. Until Rusty says this--- “Because when they stopped sleeping together Aiden fired him and wouldn’t give him a reference.” THAT got her attention.  However much Gus pissed Sharon off, he is now the victim of someone who is breaking the law and as such she jumps to attention making sure Rusty knows that Aidan’s actions are illegal.

I think it’s also interesting to see how far mother and son have come and how more open they are with each other. In a deleted scene (that shouldn’t have been deleted) Sharon wants to talk about overnight guests to the condo. Rusty thinks she’s talking about him and he’s absolutely horrified. He can’t even bring himself to discuss it with her. It turns out that she was referring to her and Andy , and of course he didn’t want to discuss that either, but it looks like they’ve had conversations about Gus sleeping with Aidan.

“Detective Paige, Amy. The man seems to have a thing for attractive young women.” “Well, we’ll do our best but we’re over 30” “You’d never know. Police work keeps you young. Look at my wife.”

BEST line of the whole episode. LOVED IT. Andy is SO frakking adorable. You know he’s been dying to be able to call her his wife, and now that he can he’s going to do it anytime he can. Loved Sharon’s secret little smile, you just know it gives her a little thrill to be called his wife. His beautiful,  young looking wife. And Provenza’s side glance. Very reminiscent of the looks he used to give when Andy started referring to her as Sharon instead of Captain. He’s thinking “Oh Flynn, you sap, you’ve got it SO bad you can’t even see straight.”

“Do you mind, Michael? Some of us are trying to solve a murder.”

This is the first time I’ve heard Andy call Mike, Michael, and I love the way Sharon dropped her forehead onto her hand, like, “Oh, here we go again. Do you really HAVE to get my man all riled up.”

“Did I make mistakes as a husband? Sure. Could I have been more attentive? Absolutely. Should I have slept with so many of her friends, probably not. Bottom line, I treated her like crap. I took her for granted. She left me.”

I don’t know if it’s just me or not, but this guy reminded me so much of Jack Raydor. He even looked a little bit like him. And I got the feeling from the look on her face that Sharon thought so too. I bet she was thinking “I can’t believe I used to put up with a guy like this. Now she has sweet Andy who treats her with such love and respect and who looks at her like the sun rises and sets on her. What I lucky woman.

And by the way. Where was Andy? He was the only member of the team not to go to Tackles. I would have thought it was because he hadn’t been cleared for field duty, but in Sanctuary City 1 he makes the comment that he can be in the field as long as Sharon is present and he was out in the field during that story arc. So, why not now?

“If I leave here today without your signature and a check covering two month’s of Gus’s pay, you have no idea how ugly this is gonna get. Or maybe you do.”

Rusty has learned a lot from his Mama. This scene really reminded me of the scene when Sharon Flynn went to see Sharon Beck in jail and laid down the law to her.

I will end with saying that we got another scene in Aidan’s restaurant when supposedly it was too expensive to film Shandy scenes on location. Those were two restaurant scenes that could have been dates.

Just saying…

[ezatluba]

The Most Ridiculous Gifts We’ve Given Our Pets

DEC. 10, 2019

Kelly Conaboy

The holidays are full of obligations. Parties, travel, cookie swaps, buying giftsfor people you don’t know much about, buying those people a saucepan because you assume they probably cook. But there is always one bright spot: choosing a somewhat egregious gift for your sweet pet whom you love so much.

According to New York Dog Shop owner Lisa Borregine, the most popular holiday gifts tend toward the more regular. Over the phone, she told me that although they do sell a few high-end bags, carriers, and harnesses, mostly from the brand Susan Lanci, the average person “doesn’t spend $100 on a harness.” (Or, I imagine, $3,199 for a carrier.) “That’s something most people think is over the top.”

Instead, the popular gifts are personalized carriers (the “Fundle” is popular) and collars. Borregine also notes that the shop sells figurines that can be painted, for an additional fee, the exact coloring of your dog. I have to say: That does sound quite tempting.

But what are the most outrageous things we, personally, have purchased or constructed for our pets during the holiday season or otherwise? I’ll go first: I once paid $60 for a dog-sweater re-creation of the sweater Danny wears in The Shining. My dog hates it very much, and, to be honest, it doesn’t even look good on him (even though he is extremely handsome). Do I regret buying it? Of course.

“So … yeah,” offered Nora, the owner of a corgi named Daisey. “I got an antique pram off Craigslist for our corgi. She’s not old or disabled. She’s just fancy.” Indeed, she is; it is quite clear from the accompanying photographs. She also notes Daisey “likes being up a little higher off the ground,” and who doesn’t?

“One year, we made a maze out of cardboard and put a pile of home-cooked brisket at the end,” Cut senior editor Jen Gann told me. “I’d imagined our dog joyfully racing through the paths, but he just stood at the edge, wagging his tail and staring up at us with hope in his eyes. Like maybe if he was patient enough, we’d tell him what was happening.”

A reader named Paolo submitted another lovely homemade gift. “My mother, who is both Italian and a graduate of Pratt, painted miniature versions of classical paintings for our dogs, Jazzy and Fionn, and hung them on eye level above their food bowls, so they could take in some culture while eating.”

Catherine, a dog owner near Philadelphia, told me this enchanting “tail” of a gift gone awry: “Our neighbor gifted our dog, Winston, a toy bunny, which we later discovered was a Christmas gift to their 18-month-old daughter.” Dog toys and baby toys tend to look quite similar — it’s true. “Winston destroyed it.”

New York City dog owner Brittany once got her beloved the gift of Brooklyn relaxation. “One Valentine’s Day, I treated my doggo to a full spa treatment at this posh groomer in Williamsburg, and he was so happy and clean and snazzy!”

Dhaaruni, a former stuffed-dog owner, wrote in with a story of a gift passed down through time. “When I was 7, I had a stuffed dog named Wishbone who had the exact same coloring as the Wishbone on the PBS show,” she said. “Fast-forward 18 years, and my family now has a golden retriever named Jude who is extremely spoiled and has more toys than my whole family had combined. I didn’t even know Wishbone made it from Dallas (where we lived when I was 7) to San Diego to Seattle and multiple houses in those cities, but my mom found Wishbone, gave him to Jude, and now Jude carries Wishbone everywhere he goes.”

Writer Libby Watson has a cat named Digby, for whom she bought a gift that, she says, “was really a gift for myself and my ego.” I’ll allow her to take it away:

“You know those videos on YouTube of two cats in stupid hats that ring a little receptionist’s bell and receive a treat? Of course you do. I think I had seen one of these videos like three or four times before I decided to pull the trigger and order a bell, with the intention of teaching Digby to ring the bell when she wanted a treat. (It was like $12 on Amazon.) Imagine how cute, I thought, if Digby put her little paw on the bell to get a treat, just like those little guys with orange hats over their ears, with their big worried eyes looming out. Imagine how proud I would be of my clever little girl!

Unexpectedly, the plan didn’t work out. I attribute this to two things: (1) Even though I was pretty careful about only giving her treats after ringing the bell (and only ringing the bell if I was going to give her a treat), my husband thought it was much funnier to ring the bell over and over, making it impossible to teach her the association between bell and treat. (2) Digby is not very clever, in fact.

We still have the bell. It is quite fun to ring.”

Writer Emma Specter’s gift went unused, save for one photo, which is sometimes the best we can hope for. “I bought my best friends’ Labradoodle a tiny dog backpack with a cartoon of a bear on it, because I wanted him to look like a fancy little schoolboy,” she said. “But he hated it, and they refused to force him into it, rudely.”

Michele, owner of a Shih Tzu named Radar, bought her dog several plastic baseball bats: “He actually had two or three. I believe two were the fat bats for little children, and then a skinny, regular-width bat. The bats were bigger than him.” She said her dog’s love of bats began after he found one of her daughter’s on the porch. “He grabbed it by the handle and just started growling (playfully) and swinging it around. His small but mighty jaws even managed to crush parts of it.” Of course, we are proud of Radar.

And finally, Zoe gave her cat the gift of dominance. “I bought (adopted) (“adopted”) a wolf from a wolf sanctuary for my cat, Eliza, so that she could feel more powerful and dominant in the household. They sent us a little packet, with her name on the adoption certificate, and she fell in love with his photograph instantly:

Bartholomeus Anglicus says "The wolf may not bend his neck backward in no month of the year but in May alone, when it thundereth" and I say that's another thing me and wolves have got in commonhttps://wolftree.substack.com/p/what-is-best-wolf-weather …

What is best Wolf weather

‘WOLF TREE,’ just like ‘BEAT YOUR WEIGHT IN WILDCATS’ and ‘JACK IN THE DARK WHERE ARE YOU,’ is a term I learned out of my lumberjack slang handbook along with other useful words and phrases, and has...

[Eliza] "related to [the wolf] Achilles’ photograph in particular as a starstruck 1950s youth to a Photoplay magazine, he was after all very handsome" here are the pictures, you've seen them before, you'll see them again. please read my wolf essay, it means so much to me

See the needle-felted head of joyce carol oates's other Tweets

oh my god I let myself start talking about nature's most despicable creatures, I am sorry to anyone who caught the horrors from it. as apology here is a picture of my cat making out with a photo of her boyfriend, a wolf his name is achilles

See the needle-felted head of joyce carol oates's other Tweets

(Eliza is deceased as of four months ago, but the sanctuary doesn’t know that, so as far as her wolf is concerned, she still owns him.)”

Dominance, even in death. Is there a better gift?

Please enjoy the holidays with your sweet animal, and remember: The gift of your love is the greatest gift of all. Unless they don’t like you. And you’ll never really know if they do, will you?

[pupseok-blog]

nsfw alphabet ; kim taehyung (2/7)

aftercare: aftercare with tae consists of him laying you on his chest while his hands stroke up and down your back. it’s not often that the two of you get kinky enough that you’re in need of pain pills and a bubble bath or anything but it’s essentially skinshipx100. which is a lot bc tae may as well be the king of skinship??? he tends to keep himself inside of you until it gets uncomfy because he likes the closeness. also you feel good around him.

body part: tae’s favorite body part on him is his eyes, for sure. i mean look at them they’re wide and beautiful and he has doe eyes how could you Not. his eyes are sparkling beauties. and he knows. his favorite body part on you are your hands. on a super soft note he loves your hands because they give him comfort. like he squeezes your hands as if to remind himself that you’re actually his. but on a naughty ass note he loves the look of your hands wrapped around his cock for one. and for two, he loves it when you’re so far gone, you’re desperately grasping at him, nails digging into his arms or back.

cum: when you two first began dating and fooling around tae used to be so worried about cumming on you oh my god. BUT FOR GOOD REASON some people don’t want cum on certain places. it makes sense. the first time you gave him a blowjob he came on your face and he was Freaking Out. he thought he’d pissed you off and he was apologizing profusely but you had to tell him that you didn’t mind it. even still, though, he doesn’t like cumming on your face. he prefers your chest or tummy.

dirty secret: tae LOVES phone sex. its his favorite thing to do with you especially considering how busy bts is in general and how you two can’t see each other all that often. he loves sexting, he loves sending (and receiving, ofc) naughty videos and pics. he loves listening to you get off because he thinks your moans are the absolute sexiest thing

experience: i don’t think tae has that much experience at all ,,,,, like IM SORRY but i think his only experience is porn and years of jerking off. to be blunt. but he makes up for inexperience by being a risk taker. he’s super open to trying almost anything.

favorite position: i think tae’s fave position would be you on top. he likes the intimacy of being able to hold and cuddle you in his arms while rolling his hips into you. he has easier access to some intense making out when you’re in his lap and that’s the shit he likes. tae likes making out ok.

goofy: you would think that tae would probably be goofy during sex but he knows when to get serious. most times, during sex between you two, there’s really no time for ‘goofy’. i mean, his hands would be busy, his mouth would be busy. he has too much going on to be cracking jokes necessarily but there will be small giggles.

hair: see this is gonna be common within all of these nsfw alphabets (and the gag is i don’t wanna like not mention it but i also don’t wanna repeat myself???) but like i said, korean people usually don’t give a fuck about pubic hair. so i expect tae to be the same.

intimacy: tae is Very intimate during sex okay. like. very. his hands are all over, his mouth is all over, he’s hugging you to his chest and he’s groaning and chanting over and over that he loves you and that you’re his everything. aka tae is Also a sap.

jack off: you know, tae loves jacking off but see he loves it most when he’s doing it for you over facetime or something. like unless he’s really reeling and he needs release now (look at all that alliteration) most times he’ll save it for you bc like i said he loves phone sex. so he’ll film himself, and send it to you its kind of a kink of his ,,, SPEAKING OF KINKS

kink: i think tae has a bit of an exhibition kind of kink. he likes filming himself, he likes filming you. he likes getting naughty in Slightly public places. like in a hotel room high enough that someone could probably look up and see you two fucking but not well enough to recognize who it is. or underneath a blanket in the car with the rest of the boys after a concert or something.

location: you know what tae’s favorite place to fuck you is on the living room couch tbh. like i said he likes to be in slightly public places and he really enjoys the thrill of someone either walking in on you two or someone hearing you two. besides, it’s like y’all can’t sit and watch a movie without hands lingering.

motivation: what turns tae on is the moment you’re out of the shower walking around the room looking for clothes to put on. when your hair and body is wet with a towel hanging precariously off of you, he cant take his eyes off of you. after shower sex is a common between the two of you which leads to you having to take a second shower which is why the boys never really invite y’all out anywhere because it takes Forever just to get out of the house

no: now i did say tae was a risk taker and he likes to explore and try stuff but he just does not enjoy extreme bdsm. at the most he’d participate in stuff like spanking and maybe arms being tied behind backs or something like that but. nipple clamps, flogging, any of that. tae’s a soft okay he couldn’t bare to see you in any sort of pain EVEN IF you liked it

oral: binnnncnncnchhhh tae loves oral he loves giving oral he has the biggest oral fixation. he just loves having his tongue on you. he loves the power he has over you with just his tongue and lips. he loves that he can have you literally quivering with just the tip of his tongue. he definitely prefers giving.

pace: i think tae’s pace is slow and hard. like his strokes are rough but still slow. like he SLAMS into you and with each thrust its just perfectly aligned and your head is swimming and it just feels great. he likes to go slow because you’re just so warm and he loves it and he wants to savor the feeling.

quickie: tae doesn’t like quickies imo. he prefers to take his time he likes it when he can slowly unravel you if you know what i mean. he isn’t adverse to like bathroom handies or anything like that though. but does that count as a quickie? ???

risk: tae is a huge risk taker tbh. like i said what he lacks in inexperience he makes up for risks. he likes learning so honestly you could come up to him with Almost anything like “tae can we try this?” and he’d be eager to! 

stamina: because his pace is slow to start with he wouldn’t tire out all that fast. i mean i think he prefers to have made you cum at least once before he even penetrates you so at the veeeeery least you’ll have came twice with him. 

toy: tae doesn’t mind if you own toys (they make for rlly nice videos; he knows this) but he lowkey gets jealous of it. like not actual jealous, that would make no sense. but if you tell him you’re about to use a toy and you start to tease him about it he may get a little miffed about it. just a lil bit.

unfair: does tae like to tease? probably . i don’t think he realizes that he’s teasing you though. at least not until you’re screaming at him like ‘taE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST LET ME CUM’ and he’s like ‘oh shit sorry my bad’

volume: tae is such a groaner oh my god ,,, like. imagine the scene. you’re going down on him and he just has his hands knitted in your hair and his eyebrows are furrowed and he lets out this deep, guttural groan and he tilts his head back and it goes STRAIGHT to your crotch bc you’re like fuck. tae has really hot moans and he’s so unashamed about it he’ll be as loud as he likes

wild card: tae is a switch with a massive oral fixation ok. he always has to have his mouth or tongue on you in some way. he loves kissing, he loves giving head, he just loves the feeling of having something in his mouth. also heck you guys hes a switch ok. some days he wants to plow you into the bed and other times he wants to be plowed. he lowkey loves being dominated too. ok this was like 3 headcanons in one ill stop there

x-ray: listen it isn’t always about size it’s about what you can do with it. y’all are gonna think i’m saying tae’s small i swear im not. i think tae’s size is average, but thick.

yearning: tae’s sex drive is kind of…for lack of a better term all over the place. he’s young and hormones are wild and it really doesn’t take much for him to want to pull you into his lap y’know. 

zzz: tae sings you to sleep almost all the time. like after sex cuddles are the two of you wrapped up in each other while tae sings softly in your ear (he sometimes rocks you to sleep when he’s feeling super lovey-dovey). he usually waits for you to fall asleep before he goes but on rare occasions, he knocks out with his face laid in your chest and he just looks adorable

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: GM 28 - NJD - Birthday Wish

7-1 Win

The Buffalo Sabres are normally on the receiving end of tremendous beatings, at least for the last decade or so. Last night we got a rare taste of what it was like destroying a team by a lacrosse score line. It was something else. Less than seven minutes into the first period it was probably over. I was thinking about the future of several players careers… Devils players! The consensus on Sabres twitter seems to be this game came at just the right time. This club had the roughest of Novembers but had the points in the bank from October to make up the difference. They spent all those savings and as Thanksgiving came and went they began to find their footing again. After a promising home-and-home with the Leafs a convincing win to solidify the gains of a decent stretch of games was needed. A convincing win that was in fact a win in regulation against a team you should handle. New Jersey came knocking asking if we remembered the Home Opener. Whether it was the 50th Anniversary jerseys or 1970s figures present at the game that jogged their memory, the Buffalo Sabres remembered. That game, the second one of this season, was a rout. But this rout makes that rout look like herding cats. When I said this game was over in seven minutes earlier, I mean it was pretty well over in seven minutes. But before we pile on the Devils I thought I’d share with you some thoughts I had about some great players on their roster whom this game made me feel for. Will Butcher: you passed up Buffalo for what you thought would be better. It was for a time but here we are. PK Subban: I love you bud… but this game showed that scary trend is real. Your advanced numbers are garbage, I hope your next destination helps out. Wayne Simmons: Dude, please don’t retire after this. You deserve better than this awfulness. Taylor Hall: well… huh… we both know you’re not going back to Edmonton. When you go win a Cup with Colorado this June please don’t pass the Cup to Nazem Kadri or Nikita Zadorov. For some reason Sabres twitter loves to roast itself during that part of the Final and those two guys minus well be BBQ Chefs. Let’s get down to business.

The Buffalo Sabres came out aggressive. Yeah, I say that a lot here in the second paragraph of postgame; but this time the New Jersey Devils also came out aggressive, AGGRESSIVELY BAD! The Sabres had two goals before the Devils had a shot on goal. That’s right: let me clear my throat played twice before Linus Ullmark was even tested. To be exact the shots were 3-0 Buffalo five minutes in and that was good for a 2-0 lead. Unreal, right? The first goal was right after a Sabres powerplay ended and Jack Eichel was all alone in front of Louis Dominque and just tapped it against the guys pads. It trickled in and everyone was surprised. Hardly two minutes later New Jersey just could not make a clean zone exit and Jeff Skinner had the puck one-on-one with a now annoyed Dominque. Skinner tucked it in far side with a quick little slapper and there are your two goals against zero shots. Up next, not even two minutes later, Jeff Skinner’s third or… whatever non-numbered line we’re calling it, hauling Larsson and Sheary behind like a Christmas tree on a punch buggy mind you, pull off a goal you are more likely to see in the All Star game when all the guys are just trying trick shots they joked about in college then in a real NHL game. Jeff Skinner skates into the zone backwards with speed because the Devils did not know what they were doing in their own zone and crosses the gut of the ice like a figure skater to shoot the puck backwards at the net. That shot didn’t go in because this isn’t a video game, Jeff. However Louis Dominque blocked it with a pad and the resulting rebound was punched in by a Conor Sheary halfway onto his ass. It’s now 3-0 and I think this was the part where Dominque got pulled. No that wasn’t until the first intermission.

After goal three John Hynes and the Devils coaching staff took a time out to try and stop the bleeding. They did for a little bit. It was about ten minutes later when the Devils had finally figured out this shots on net thing but were still giving up D-Zone turnovers juicer than a holiday ham. Conor Sheary just takes a pot shot from a shite angle and Dominque gets his stick glove on it sending it up in the air. Carter Hutton must have watched this play on the bench thinking he’s not alone anymore. The puck goes straight up, and Dominque even watches a little bit of it’s hangtime. Then it just lands in the goal behind him like a letter delivered by a carrier pigeon. What a game already: its 4-0. Sheary skates the bench in celebrating with a “Idk, it just went in” look on his face. All you Monday night folks who paid for the cheapest Sabres tickets of the season so far got your money’s worth and more. But wait, there’s more! We’re in the last minute of the first period. Folks are filing up the stairs to get to the pisser before others and what happens. Casey Mittelstadt just dumps a puck off to Rasmus Asplund in the offensive zone and Asplund just goes “whatever” and one times it like he’s friggin Alex Ovechkin. It went in: 5-0 because this was Buffalo’s night evidently. That was Asplund’s first NHL goal. The kid who just got called up because of injuries and looked like an NHLer gets rewarded faster than maybe any other recent callup. And so the first period ends… *laughs in disbelief* 5-0 Buffalo.

This game was Founders Night. They had family of the Knox Brothers, the founders of the franchise, in attendance for a pregame ceremony. Apparently there was a giant birthday cake and birthday guard. Fun trivia: 50 Years ago on December 2nd the NHL formally granted Buffalo an expansion franchise. The club wouldn’t get named the Sabres for a little over five months but that’s a birthday even if there wasn’t a name. Perhaps the birthday wish was for lots of goals because 5-0 in the first period was not the end by a longshot. Three minutes into the second period PK Subban and Colin Miller have a little spat and the resulting penalties make it 4-on-4. I don’t know how to put this for children: Victor Olofsson sent a puck to heaven. Olofsson unleashed a slapshot that may soon be outlawed by the Geneva Conventions. The broadcast team didn’t know it went in until the horn went off. Ben Mathewson did a 60 frames per second (fps) replay of the goal and there isn’t really more than a couple frames between the slapshot and McKenzie Blackwood realizing the puck had gone in. It was the hardest goal any Sabre has shot this season. 6-0 Sabres and I really want to apologize to the Devils fans in attendance. This had to be embarrassing. I am so sorry. It wouldn’t be a shutout though guys. Zemgus Girgensons got called for tripping and New Jersey made the most of the powerplay when Nico Hischier sauced in a rebound past Linus Ullmark. 6-1 Sabres, the shutout is gone but the Devils are still angry evidently: Casey Mittelstadt is tripped by Kyle Palmieri, the ref blows it against him and before Mittelstadt is up Palmieri launches the puck at him in a temper tantrum. Mind you the Devils are now out-shooting the Sabres 2 to 1 but the Sabres are locking it down. This was the performance we needed. This was our birthday wish for the Sabres. The Sabres made Palmieri and the Devils pay for that trip and Henri Jokiharju fired a laser from the blue line to make it 7-1 for the home team. At this point we just crossed the halfway point of the game. Buffalo has scored a touchdown and Josh Allen didn’t even throw for it. This game was so good 71-year-old Mike Robitaille was telling 51-year-old Rob Ray that advanced stats are just splendid on the broadcast. It was a savagely beautiful disarming of the trap Ray had set. The Sabres were dunking on the Devils and Boomers were dunking on Boomers about advanced stats. This was such a wildly fun game we’re going to look back on it in two weeks and think it was some collective dream we had.

And it seemed meant to be like some kind of fairy tale! The third period had its scary moments, a couple Devils powerplays and a handful of defensive lapses for the home team but the end result never really seemed in question. Buffalo won in regulation 7-1. This game was everything. Jack Eichel’s point streak continues, he now has 38 points in 28 games on pace for a 111-point season. If he doesn’t make the all-star team we can rightfully conclude this league is rigged against Buffalo. Victor Olofsson probably deserves to go as well. Not only is he scoring at 5-on-5 now but he is leading the team in multi-point games; yes even more than Eichel. Friggin Johan Larsson had a career night: he got three points in a game, all on assists, for only the second time in his career. Think about every shocked or mother-of-god meme you got: that was this game. It was memeable! I can’t imagine they dominate like this every night but like, comment and share this blog to join the fun. Sabres After Dark returns Thursday night for a game in Calgary. I want some revenge for the Thanksgiving Eve myself but by that point my end-of-semester crunch week will be winding down, so I’ll probably settle for just some enjoyable sex puns. I got a pair of those oven mitts they gave away for the Thanksgiving Eve game, let’s hope the Sabres stay hot so I need them! Let’s Go Buffalo!

Thanks for Reading.

P.S. I don’t think the Bills catch New England for the division but let’s just savor the fact they’re one game back and that such a scenario is a realistic possibility at all. Just enjoying being a fan, I don’t think they catch em either but I’m going to enjoy this well it lasts!

[pansexualityisaformofnotcaring]

"Shit talk me daddy"

HIMR x Elvis the alien

Daniel couldn't sleep in his room. He was frightened by constantly moving so much and just wanted a secure space he could call home. He was however alone. Always alone. He often contemplated if it was his fault his life was so boring. He used to take on so many opportunities but in order to be around people and fit their standards he lost a lot. And then people left him anyway. What he needed was someone who wanted an opportunity and wouldn't get mad. HOWEVER. His phone at this moment decided to scare him shitless because he had his headphones on full fucking blast and it wanted to notify him. Fuck you notifications. Fuck you wifi. Fuck my brokeass do not disturb. Before turning on airplane mode and going back to streaming his music he read the text. He knew it's weird to say your texts out loud especially when your alone but he didn't care." Unknown number. Hi Daniel it's me the guy who called you an Asian Onision.".....Daniel's was fucking shook. "How do you even say that Onionson?.....What?" I'd like to meet you. I don't all the creators I make videos in and I actively watch your channel. I'd like to interview you for my channel and talk. If your interested I'd fly to you. I'd visit with my..."Daniel zoned out of the text he was to busy imagining it was a phone call. He ontop of everything else loved the hate he got. He regularly watched hate videos to lift his spirits they often got him hot and bothered it was like his version of watching porn for plot.But hate being directed at him aroused him and this huge YouTuber talking about him made him so horny. Smaller YouTubers had talked about him before calling him discount Onision and..strange. He didn't understand that shit because he wasn't a pedophile he was just bored. People called him a liar and he deserved cheater but what they didn't know was that their words fueled his sexual passion. Except all their voices were so fucking boring. After a while it got repetitive and he couldn't get off anymore and then Elvis uploaded his video about him. His voice was so sarcastic and nasty even when he said he didn't care it sounded fake. His apologies were void in Daniel's mind cause it sounded like he didn't give a shit. Like he was merely teasing Daniel and that one video made Daniel cum loads. He barely had to touch himself and merely rutted into the sheets groaning. On occasion he'd moaned out "Elvis.." and his wife heard him. She thought he was watching porn and what normal humans called guilt didn't phase him. He however did feel embarrassed and went along with it. He had dreams about being dominated by Elvis and when he had sex with his wife he thought about Elvis encouraging him with his enticing sarcasm. It was the most passionate he fucked her in a while. Elvis wasn't boring in the slightest. The thought of his beard scraping against his thighs while he criticized his body made him hard. He rubbed against his bed a little. "Oh fuck." He had a problem a real problem. Faster than the boomers responded to Sonic's design he typed out sure. And in a haze of moaning and shit talking he jacked off to Elvis for the sixth that week. Because he's healthy.

[somethingelseentirely1352]

Septiplier and then some

I am one who will side with the lesser of the two especially when a part of my life was once dedicated to it. Well, I can't say I'm mad about the whole ordeal. Just Disappointed. But I felt uncomfortable with the whole MarkiplierTV since the video began. I've never felt uncomfortable while watching one of marks videos before and halfway through I really wanted to turn it off but I wanted to understand what was going on too. It wasn't until I realized the commercial format that it was marks reenactment of his fandom. then I felt a little Insulted, because I've been a fan of his for years and it was never as bad for me like he was making it out to be. Then again I was a fan of him not the creations built around him. Well most of them anyway. I didn't get into any side characters until like the third or fourth year. What I did like - and it wasn't for very long because I didn't get into the septiplier fandom until after jack and signe were a thing for a while- was septiplier. With all the things whirling around the whole "septiplier is dead, amyplier is canon so all the disgusting septiplier fans should go crawl back into the Grummy holes they came out of" deal that happened back in January I kinda backed off of septiplier because I was like, it's true some septiplier fans were getting crazy and I didn't want to be a part of it. Back on topic. The video that I was a week late on for reasons untold, i felt in my gut that septiplier was going to be ignored or something to that extent because of the recent shit but never in my life did I expect the guy who's whole Mantra for every single one of his videos is to (not let anyone bring you down and love what you want and all that heart felt jazz) use a fucking persona to shoot down a ship that a lot of teens fell in love with when Jack was first introduced into Marks channel. Me I was one of those teens that fell in love with the bromance because who could ask for a better friendship than those two (at the time) No one. I'll admit, septiplier wasn't good for the simple fact that older more domineering fans used it as a knife against the persons of question and that itself was disgusting and needed to stop. "Shipping real people are gross, and now that septiplier is dead it give me all the pride in the fucking world to stick my tongue out at the few septiplier fans who are dangling by a unraveling thread and slice mockingly at their fingers for their disgusting antics toward Mark and Jack" not an actual quote but my interpretation for all the bullying siding that five second clip of Wilford shooting septiplier. We get it we get it. Dead dead dead, anything else new? Want to force fans to burn their unfinished fics right infront of you and cry out thousands of apologies as you insult the ship a bit more? Some of the shippers probably will, you know the ones that spent their whole day dedicating time and energy to a ship they new would never happen but it made them HAPPY anyway? I don't know about you but as a septiplier shipper I didn't just see "Wilford" shoot a monster named septiplier, I saw Mark Fischbach take a bucket of bleach water and dump it on the only ugly kid at school because he needed to prove a point to the kids who made the most noise. He should have been the parent that broke up the mess between the shipping wars instead of shooting the red headed step child. Sorry ranted. I love Mark to death. I just love fandom equality more. A ships a ship, every fandom big or small has them. Gross or just plain canon. Disturbing or too cute to handle, it's there and has every right to be there just as much as any other. And I'll never be sorry for my opinion towards this problem at hand.

[prettymuch-ari]

Jack and Jack Imagines - Gilinsky - Player?

Your PoV I have been dating Gilinsky for 2 years now. He has done everything for me. I have done everything for him. He has been there for me through thick and thin. But tonight was different. It was 10 pm and Gilinsky has not come home. I decided to go on twitter and look through your timeline. One of Gilinsky’s tweets got my attention. It was a photo. A photo of Gilinsky and a blonde chick wearing a crop top and booty shorts. I heard a knock on the door. I went to open it and felt a guy with strong arms wrap around my body and cover my mouth. I pulled his hand off of my mouth and I pushed him against the door. I started crying and fell onto my knees. “Baby, what’s wrong?” Gilinsky asked and I just looked into his eyes. “This, Gilinsky! This.” I said holding your phone to show Gilinsky the tweet with him and that blonde chick. I looked into his eyes and all I see is hate and pain. “Babe, I will never cheat on you. You know that.” Gilinsky said starting to tear up. “Who is that girl?” I ask. “Why were you with her? If you love me then why were you with her? Do I not mean anything to you?” I asked really fast so he couldn’t answer. “Hum I don’t know, uh, how to respond to that…” ”I should’ve known you’re nothing but a dick. We’re done.” “Baby, no. I can be better I promise!” “No, you blew it. I can’t trust you anymore.” I had no idea what I just did but I don’t regret it. Jack deserves it. He doesn’t deserve my love and affection if he just goes to cheat on me. I kick him out of my house and lock my front door so he has no way of getting in and apologizing. I get a text. It's from Gilinsky.

G: Babe please forgive me

Y: No, I hate you

G: If you forgive me, I'll do something that you have wanted me to do to you since we started dating

Y: What's that?

G: You know, baby, you know.

G: sends https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRknfFqhl9vW4BFvGqv3J_l3vrHddenW38svCmrVwJOFOvfyuIY

Y: omfg

G: hahaha now you want it don't you cutie

Y: Yes Jack, yes

I opened the door and saw Gilinsky sitting on the stairs. I walked out to him and pulled him up and dragged him into the house. I shoved onto the couch and we started making out. He tugged at my shirt. I pulled off of me and unclasped my bra. His eyes widened to the sight. I tugged at his shirt and pulled it off of him. I started playing with his belt and tugged it off and threw it god knows where. I got off of him and pulled his pants and boxers down. My eyes widened at Gilinsky's present. lmao I took my shorts and underwear off and he bit his lip looking at me. I got on my knees and took Gilinsky in my mouth without even letting him know I was doing it. I heard him groan. He grabbed my hair and shoved my mouth down on his present making me gag. "Do you want to keep going?" "Do you want me to swallow?" I said with a smirk. He gave me a dirty look and went to the kitchen for something. He came back with rope in his hand. "GET ON THE COUCH, WHORE." He yelled at me in a dominant way. I climbed on the couch with my legs spread ready for him. He grabbed my hands and tied them together. I bit my lip wanting him. He grabbed my shirt, ripped it, and shoved a piece in my mouth. He grabbed my legs and with one hand he started rubbing me (y'all know what I mean 😉😜). It felt so good but so bad at the same time. He stopped and started rubbing his present against me. My words muffled through the shirt I had in my mouth, but Gilinsky could tell that I loved it. He slipped his present in and was going slow. He saw the lust in my eyes. He pushed his lips onto mine and he slipped his tongue into my mouth. He began slamming into me at full pace. I tried to scream through the fabric. He slapped me and grabbed my face. “Look at my face, bitch. Do not try to say a fucking word or you’ll get punished. Do you understand?” I nodded. “ I can’t fucking hear you, bitch! Let me repeat it: DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND ME, BITCH?” I said yes but it was muffled due to the fabric in my mouth. He kept slamming into me and I could see anger in his eyes. I could feel blood coming from down there. G saw it but he kept going. I started crying and G slapped me harder than he slapped Johnson in a video. I tried to tell G to stop but it came out as muffles. “That’s it. I have had enough. Bitch. You need to be punished.” He untied me and carried me to a room that G had renovated but he hasn’t wanted me to see it yet. Until now. He unlocked the room, covered my eyes, and walked in. “Bitch, fucking close your eyes.” He walks me to this cold metal bed. I feel leather straps around my wrists and ankles. “Open your eyes, bitch.” I gasped as I try to move around. “Bitch where are you trying to go?” He grabbed this wand thingy and he placed it on my stomach. He grabbed a ball gag. “Open your mouth.” I did and he slipped in my mouth. He went around to my head, lifted it up, and tightened it to make sure I couldn’t slip it out of my mouth. He teased me with his present and he picked up the wand and put his thumb on the button. He slipped his present in and started fucking me. He could see I had terror in my eyes. He put the wand near my breast and he pressed the button. It shocked me and I almost screamed. He then grabbed a whip. He slipped himself out of me, put his clothes back on, and came to my face. “Bitch, this is the first punishment you ever had. Since it is, I will go easy on you. But trust me, bitch, it will fucking hurt.” He calmly slapped the whip on my breast. He took off the ball gag. He walked over to my ***** and got the whip ready. He looked at me and said “I want to hear you count. Got that?” He smacked me with the whip so hard and it stung. “1!” I screamed in pain. He stopped because he noticed how much pain I was in already. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I was about to hurt you so bad. That would be the worst of me.” I smiled. He unchained me and said “I will never cheat on you again. And if I do, you have total permission to dump me or beat the crap out of me.”

[walkonwalkonwithhopeinyourheart]

We've Got A Player On Our Hands via /r/LiverpoolFC

We've Got A Player On Our Hands

Hello friends,

​

This is a post I've been meaning to do for some time. There is a young player in our U18s who I am optimistic/excited about, and I want to share that excitement with you all.

Before I talk about the player, let me just tell you a bit about myself. I have been watching LFC U18s since 2005/6; that was the same year we won the FA Youth Cup vs. Man City. In a two legged final, we dominated the first leg 3-0 with a banger goal from Paul Anderson and (I think) a goal or two by Adam Hammill. In the second leg, we got smashed 2-0 by a City side that was spearheaded by a frighteningly talented forward - a Mr. Danny Sturridge.

​

Anyway, I've seen a lot of prospects come through the ranks. Some of them had world-class quality, and are proving that today eg. Sterling, or my favourite Suso. A lot of guys also didn't live up to the expectations that I/others had for them. Some examples are Gerardo Bruna, Astrit Adjarevic, Krisztian Nemeth, Adam Pepper, Jack Dunn. I used to get super hyped up about the U18s and expect a couple of them to make the jump to the first team every year, but I have since learned to be more patient and realistic. Most of the kids in the U18s won't make it in top flight football, let alone Liverpool. We'd be lucky to have one regular first team player come through once every two-three years.

​

The reason I want to share this post with you is that I think this player has flown under the radar a bit, and I think like-minded fans will enjoy watching him. I am a huge fan of technical midfield players who can break the lines with their passing and dribbling/movement. It was for this reason that Suso was my favourite youth prospect, and its the same reason that I now love watching Clarkson. If you have a similar affinity for technical midfielders, you will enjoy watching this guy.

​

Who?

​

Leighton Clarkson. He is a 17 year old midfielder from Blackburn. He apparently made his debut last year for the U18s, but the first time I saw him was in the UEFA Youth League this season vs. Red Star. We won the game 2-1, but I was just blown away by this lad. We had players such as Curtis Jones, Rafa Camacho, and Hoever playing, but I was completely smitten by this player. There was one moment where the ball was launched 20 metres into the air, but Clarkson just killed the ball dead with his first pass and then released one of our forwards down a channel. He was surrounded by 3 players at the timel

​

What's he like?

​

I am loath to compare youth team players with established stars, but it's always hard to avoid making comparisons. I think Clarkson plays a little bit like Scholes/Joe Allen. He is always keen to receive the ball, is very good at finding space to receive the ball, and he is extremely comfortable in possession. If you watched a compilation of his (none exist, to my knowledge), you would see that he plays as a number 6 and usually picks up the ball quite deep. Like Scholes, Clarkson is always looking to find the right angle and make a line-breaking pass. He usually dribbles a little bit so he can change the angle and find an advanced teammate.

​

On the few occasions he has been man-marked, he can make a body feint to make half a yard of space. Clarkson's positioning off the ball is also very good. He is usually in position to make an interception and stop the opponent's counterattack. In terms of technical quality, he looks very good. His dribbling, first touch, and passing are all top class. We played against Accrington Stanly yesterday in the FA Youth Cup. If somebody can dig up the game, you'd see that he showed his amazing one-touch and long passing all throughout the game. He completely bossed the game, and was by far the best player on the pitch (Duncan, Glatzel, Larouci, Dixon-Bonner were all playing too). He also has a decent set piece in his locker, as evidenced by a nice free kick vs Everton U18 some time ago.

​

What weaknesses?

​

Clarkson is quite a small player, so he has to use his positioning and body shape to keep/win the ball. He is also quite short and slender, so he depends on his technique to get by. I haven't seen many teams try and mark him consistently, so we don't know how he performs under pressure. Unlike players like Woodburn and Jones, Clarkson has not made a rapid transition from U18 to reserve level, so we don't know he can perform versus more tactically and physically developed opposition.

​

What can we expect from him?

​

Honestly, I'm not sure. I am very excited by this player, but it's impossible to call which ones will break through and which ones won't. It's possible that he will become a great player at a lower-division level but not quite make it at the top. I've seen such a player before - Tom Cairney. I remember Cairney being quite impressive for Hull, but he couldn't keep them up. Despite that, Cairney was one of the best midfielders in the Championship. Now that he's back up with Fulham, the jury is out a bit. Clarkson could go down that route, but he could also become a top level midfielder. I am curious to see how he develops this season. Most likely will get a few appearances for the U23s, but not much more. He is quite small and needs to develop phsyically.

​

I believe that Clarkson has been involved with England at some level, but I don't think he is well ingrained into the national set-up. We'll have to wait and see what happens to this guy, but I have seen a lot of things I really like. We are really lucky to have a lot of talented young players, but I think Clarkson has something different to many of the most talented players I have seen at U18 level. I would encourage my fellow Reds to keep their eyes peeled and try to watchin him at U18 or reserve level. The next time he is likely to play is on Saturday, 26th Jan vs Man United U18. Keep a look out!

​

Hope you guys found this useful, and apologies for the lack of video links (whatever I can find is on paid LFCTV). Also disclaimer: this doesn't mean that I think he is better than Jones/Hoever/Camacho. Hoever has the most obvious talents, but I am a huge fan of calm, technical players, so I am very invested in seeing Clarkson do well.

​

EDIT: It was Red Star, not Spartak

Submitted January 22, 2019 at 08:40PM by AayoTheRed via reddit http://bit.ly/2T8QHhE

[latesthollywoodnews]

Vogue RESPONDS To Backlash Over Kendall Jenner Posing With Afro

Vogue RESPONDS To Backlash Over Kendall Jenner Posing With Afro

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How much are the Celebrities on Hollywood anywhere?

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The internet is furious over Kendall Jenner posing in an afro for Vogue.

Another day, another Kar-Jenner accused of cultural appropriation.

Vogue tapped Kendall Jenner to be the face of their November issue, which is celebrating the 15th anniversary of the CFDA Vogue Fashion Fund. And let’s just say one look at the photos from the shoot, and you’ll see why Kendall is once again coming under fire from the internet.

Two of the photos from the series were posted to Vogue’s Instagram account, and they show Kendall’s hair styled in an afro, as well as painted-on freckles. Outraged fans immediately took to the comments section to call out the look as cultural appropriation.

One person shared QUOTE, “Why did you use a white celebrity for this shoot instead of a person of color who rocks this hair naturally?”

Another wrote QUOTE, “Now that Black Women are getting praised for their natural locks and seen a beautiful, white women are trying to high-jack as usual.”

One user explained why the style was problematic, sharing QUOTE “African Americans were forced to straighten their f$$ing hair in America in order to get jobs…If you wore your hair natural it had to be cut short. Hell, the military only allowed dreads two years ago. So GTFOH with ‘Blacks straighten their hair’. If we weren’t forced to, I can only hope we wouldn’t! It’s appropriation! Period!”

Of course, there were also a number of fans who defended the look, as one person wrote QUOTE, “I’m black and think the outrage is ridiculous. That is not an Afro. It a curly hairstyle which we would see on a lot more white women if everyone was so obsessed with these bone straight styles. And yes black women were pressured to straighten their hair in the past but you should be strong and not follow what the herd is doing. Don’t blame someone else for your choices.” Another argued QUOTE, “I don’t find it offensive. She has freckles in real life, that hair style everyone wore in the 70’s and she’s not a Kardashian. She has had a successful modeling career for years.”

One fan summed up the argument against Kendall wearing an afro, explaining QUOTE, “The discussion is more about the double standard that there is towards Afro hair and black culture. There are negative connotations surrounding actual black people who have this hair (or other things that are a part of black culture) however, conveniently when a white person does it it is suddenly ‘fashionable’ or en vogue. The thing about straight hair or blonde hair is that it’s already part of the western beauty standards ideal, so there’s no double standard.”

After all the backlash, Vogue released the following statement: “The image is meant to be an update of the romantic Edwardian/Gibson Girl hair which suits the period feel of the Brock Collection, and also the big hair of the 60s and the early 70s, that puffed-out, teased-out look of those eras. We apologize if it came across differently than intended, and did not mean to offend anyone by it.”

Alright guys now I wanna hear your thoughts on this — do you think Kendall should issue an apology, or do you think this one was completely on Vogue? Let me hear all your thoughts in the comments below.

And once you’ve done that click right over here to check out another new video, and don’t forget to subscribe! Thanks so much for hanging with me on News Feed, as always I’m your host Emile Ennis Jr. and I’ll see you next time!

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