#and ive said this before but i did in fact almost die while working on ABM

[sinnaminsuga]

𝖗𝖊𝖉 𝖑𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙𝖘 𝖆𝖉𝖏𝖆𝖈𝖊𝖓𝖙 - sub!hyunjin x sub!reader x dom!chan

wc: 2,804

cw: hyunjin is a slut, so is the reader, chan likes it that way. SMUT MDNI.

synopsis: while shooting the red lights mv chan noticed something about hyunjin and now he's got a theory he wants to test, he just needs your help.

a/n: was literally plagued with visions of overstimulating hyunjin and making him cry soooo this is what i ended up with. oops. also if there are any spelling errors pls don't tell me bc ive read this trash so many times trying to work it all out and if i have to re-read it again i might go blind.

sw: dirty talk, daddy kink, unprotected sex (pls be smarter than that), bondage, threesome, some gay shit, breeding, blowjobs, lingerie, deepthroating, general toughness, waxing poetic about hyunjins beautiful face. idk probably more but im bad at this shit.

hwang hyunjin is beautiful. its a well documented fact, no ifs ands or buts about it. he has the kind of face ancient civilizations would have gone to war for. old world dynasties would have been reduced to rubble over a face like his. hwang hyunjin is the kind of beautiful where it almost hurts to look at him. it makes you question your belief in a higher power because, how could there possibly be any room for debate on if there is a God when there is simply no other reasonable explanation for how a devine creature like him came to exist on this earth? so with all that being said, there's no way he could get any more beautiful. or so you thought.

it had always been your assumption that there was no possible way he could look any more stunning than he naturally does; but your mind was changed the minute you saw the lithe expanses of his smooth milky skin held captive by blood red ropes. you felt an astounding amount of pride as your eyes bore witness to his soft flesh being pulled tight by the coarse material; the blood under his skin rushing to the surface where the ropes were knotted artfully over his collarbone, across his abdomen, splayed over his pelvis, looped around his upper thighs and finally circling the base of his dick. and you had worked hard to make sure the knots around his wrists and ankles were comfortable yet sturdy before attaching them to each bedpost.

you had taken your instructions very seriously, as the man giving them to you from edge of the bed, wouldn't allow any of this to continue if either of you were to disobey his direct orders, and dear god you would rather die than see this endeavor be cut short.

you admired your handiwork a bit more before the rumbling of a particular voice hit your ears.

“how do you feel baby? is this what you wanted? y/n did a good job huh? you look so pretty.” chan spoke softly to hyunjin, absentmindedly petting his head. hyunjin looked up at his leader and nodded, unsure if he could speak without whining as the ropes pulled across his body with every move.

“yeah i knew you'd like this. the whole time we were shooting “red lights” i saw you ya know? the way your breathing got shallow when the staff chained you up. the way your eyes glazed over when they gave you instructions to pull against your restraints. god, standing above you on that bed, watching you writhe below me was a sight to see. my good boy just wanted to be tied up and used huh?” chan said to him, his finger hooked under hyunjin's chin forcing his head up to look him in the eyes. a whimper forced its way out of him as his hips instinctually bucked and the the sensation of the ropes took over.

you couldn't drag your eyes away from his lower body. the sharp angle of his hipbones jutting up to the ceiling as his cock drooled uncontrollably, the fluid flowing from his tip dribbling down to darken the rope wrapped snugly around the base of him. without even thinking you reached out and wrapped your hand around his shaft, you were just so overwhelmed with the desire to touch him. the feeling was unexpected and the sound that punched its way out of hyunjin's chest was glorious. his body attempted to curl in on itself but the ropes kept him firmly in place. you watched the range of emotions flicker over his face in rapid succession; surprise at your initial touch, pleasure from finally being granted a little stimulation, sensitivity from being denied his pleasure for so long, shock when he remembered the restraints keeping him spread open, frustration at not being able to move, and finally acceptance as he gave in to the languid stroking you were doing. he continued to toss as the pleasure took over, thrashing wildly against the mattress and moaning into the pillow.

hyunjin's noises were reduced to whimpers as chan’s hand squeezed around his jaw, directing hyunjin to look him in the eyes. “shhh baby boy, y/n is gonna make you feel good okay? you'll let her do that, won’t you? you'll lay there and take what i let her give you, understood? words please, jinnie.” chan cooed. “yes daddy. i'll be good for you, for her too i promise. i'll be your perfect boy just like always, i promise, please! god just please keep touching me!” hyunjin choked out, making chan grin. he leapt up from where he was perched on the edge of the bed and rounded the corner until he was standing behind you. you repressed a shudder as chan’s hand slid up your back, tracing over your spine and occasionally tripping over the straps of the lingerie set you were wearing. his hand glided up into your hair with ease until his palm cradled the base of your skull, then suddenly he locked his fingers to grab your hair firmly by the roots and pulled you upright so your back was against his chest as he angled your head to the left exposing the expanse of your neck. the suddenness of his movements caused you to lose your grip on hyunjin’s dick and he cried out from the loss of contact, his hips frantically bucking into the air in a fruitless attempt to find friction.

chan hummed as his lips made contact with the skin of your neck and continued as he licked, nipped, and sucked at your flesh. he hooked his chin over your shoulder as his right hand charted a course down your abdomen to the apex of your thighs where the pads of his thick fingers rubbed over your damp slit. when you could finally manage to pry your lids open, you locked eyes with hyunjin. he was practically panting watching chan devour your throat and palm your pussy. “so pretty y/n, y’look so pretty. like a dream. want to paint you one day, just like that.” he whispered. hyunjin's words and gaze coupled with chan's wandering hands and skilled mouth were almost enough to send you over the edge.

“now here’s what's next my loves. y/n, you're going to get on your knees, lean down on your elbows and suck hyunjin's pretty dick right into the back of your throat okay? i want you to take him as far as you can, and quickly. do not stop until i tell you to. not if he begs, not if he cries, not if he screams. got it?” you nodded as well as you could with his left hand still in your hair. chan released you and you quickly got into the position he had described, gently grabbing hold of hyunjin's cock. “i’m sorry jinnie, but you know i have to.” you quipped right before you took him into your mouth and as far into your throat as you could manage. the garbled noise that ripped its way out of hyunjin's throat threw you into over drive as you bobbed your head and sucked him like your life depended on it. he was groaning deeply and his limbs were flailing the best they could in his current predicament. his back arched up off the mattress so beautifully you wished chan would take a photo.

“fuck, fuck, FUCK. jesus chri- oh my god! y/n, sweetheart slow down- PLEASE! oh fuck i can- i can feel- fucking fuck. i can feel your throat squeezing me so tight!” hyunjin wailed throwing his head back, the veins in his neck becoming more prominent as he grit his teeth.

suddenly chan’s hand made its way to your pussy again and you gasped around the thickness embedded in your throat causing hyunjin to hiss.

“crotchless panties angel? so proud of you. always so prepared for daddy huh? know just what i like.” chan muttered from behind you. you heard the telltale jingle of his belt being opened and the zipper being lowered on his jeans. he had already removed his shirt earlier so he was naked quickly, and he wasted no time before rubbing the head of his dick along your weeping folds.

“now i'm going to fuck you nice and deep the way you like and i want you to keep sucking my good boy okay?” chan said but before you could respond he shoved himself into you in one swift thrust. chan was not small in girth or length for that matter but the stretch you felt every time he fucked you open was delicious. you couldn't help but moan around the cock in your mouth which in turn caused hyunjin to scream at the unexpected vibration. chan’s laugh that followed was dark and proud, thrilled that he held so much power and that you both let him use it.

“fuuuuck sweet girl this cunt is always so fucking tight huh? doesn't matter how many times i fuck you or let someone else fuck you, you always snap right back. god i love being inside you.” chan growled as his hands gripped your hips and held you steady as he pummeled his way in and out of your slippery hole. the whole time he was fucking you, you were being forced onto hyunjin's cock as well, every moan muffled by the thickness battering your throat.

“hyunjin is y/n a good cocksucker? hmm? you think? you think she's better than you were?” chan taunted him as he drove himself inside you over and over again. “remember when we had our first one on one meeting? just me and you alone in the studio? i said 'hyunjin if you really are serious and want to stay in this group i need one thing from you’ do you remember that? i do.” you could hear the grin in his voice even if you couldn't see him. hyunjin groaned and mumbled what sounded like a yes. “i also remember how fast you sank to your knees and scrambled to try and open my belt. you thought i wanted you to suck me off to stay in the band. and you were so willing to give me whatever i wanted. all i was going to ask you for was your loyalty and your honesty in all things. but you offered up that pretty mouth quick as a bitch and who was i to say no?” chan laughed at the memory as he threw a foot up onto the bed to change the angle he was fucking into you from so he was now nailing your gspot on every thrust.

“y-yes i remember. ‘course i do. i knew w-what you were gonna ask me because felix told me beforehand what you were going to ask, what you asked a-all of them. i just- fuck yes keep sucking y/n im so close. i jus’ wanted you so bad i thought if i tried and y-you didn't want me back it would just be an easily brushed off m-misunderstanding.” hyunjin whined, his hands balled up into fists, knuckles white.

“y/n suck him dry. now.” chan ordered and you sucked harder pulling a squeal out of hyunjin. “go on sweet boy. go ahead and cum. you earned it.” chan encouraged as he delivered a heavy smack to your ass. your muffled yelp was the final straw and hyunjin came hard into your mouth, his body attempting to lurch off the bed. you swallowed everything down and pulled off of him, replacing your mouth with your hand. as chan continued to ram into you, you mirrored his thrusts with the fist wrapped tightly around hyunjin's still hard cock.

“stop stop stop please! god please i can- i can't take it! it's too sensitive please!” hyunjin cried. “yes you can baby. you can take it. trust me.” chan cooed. feeling bold you leaned forward once again and sucked hyunjin's tip harshly while lashing the tip of your tongue over his slit.

“FUCK! no no no no it's too m- too much. stop stop stop!” hyunjin continued to wail. he was begging you to relent but he also didn't use his safeword so you knew he didnt really want it to stop. the sound was like music to chan's ears and the rhythmic clenching of your cunt around him propelled him quickly toward his own orgasm.

“i'm gonna cum in you okay baby? gonna breed this pretty pussy, stuff it full of my cum. that what you want? yeah it is isn't it?” chan rambled and you moaned out a “yes please daddy” right before he exploded inside you. your hand around hyunjin never stopped moving and he was crying now. big fat tears rolling down his cheeks from the overstimulation.

chan pulled out of you and watched your hole flutter, pushing out his seed. he murmured a string of praises as he watched the glistening fluid drip out of you. you looked over your shoulder at him, jutting your lower lip out.

“daddy i didn't get to cum yet. can i?” you asked.

“go ahead baby. make yourself cum.” chan said with a wave of his hand and an evil grin etched on his face. you grinned right back before scrambling up hyunjin's body and straddling him.

“wh-what are you doing? oh...oh no. no no no. please it's so sensitive it's so so sensitive y/n i can't!” hyunjin hiccuped, tears still flowing. you leaned forward and ran your tongue up his cheek, lapping up the briny liquid seeping from his eyes. then you whispered “oh jinnie, don't you want me to feel good too? i worked so hard after all.” you reached behind you and positioned his tip at your entrance before effortlessly sliding down onto him. you moaned as he filled you and he once again thrashed against the ropes wrapped around him. you started to ride him in earnest, aching for your own release at this point. the man beneath you was mumbling incoherently about how good your pussy feels and how badly he wants to come again. chan sauntered over and perched next to hyunjin again, reaching out to pet his head and pepper his face with kisses.

“i’m gonna cum, fuck i'm gonna cum!” you cried as you worked yourself over hyunjin’s dick and used one hand to furiously rub your clit.

“daddy shes squeezing me so hard i don't think i ca- can get out. can i cum inside?” hyunjin pleaded with chan. “of course you can baby, right sweetheart? you want jinnie’s cum inside you don't you?” you just nodded in response. “my girl loves to be creampied you never have to ask. just go ahead baby boy.” chan explained. you drove yourself down onto hyunjin twice more and then you were cumming, mouth dropping open as your inner walls milked him for all he was worth. hyunjin spasmed beneath you as he came and came and came inside you. he wasn't speaking anymore, just making these stunted little sounds as his body shook with the aftershocks of his second orgasm.

chan had begun to untie the ropes as you slowly lifted yourself off of hyunjin. you whispered praise to him as he has hummed, completely fucked out and boneless beneath you.

“shhh it's okay sweetheart. you did so good for us baby. we’re gonna put you to bed now okay?” chan murmured to the man shaking in the bed. hyunjin managed to croak out an “uh-huh” in response. you grabbed a bottle of lotion from nearby and began to work it into the reddened skin all over him where the ropes had been, while chan wiped down hyunjin's groin with a warm cloth. you hummed a tune you knew hyunjin loved and his eyes fluttered shut, a tiny smile making its way to his face.

after everything was put away and the room was right again, chan crawled into the bed to spoon hyunjin’s half asleep form while you crawled in the other side to press yourself to hyunjin's still somewhat heaving chest. you pulled the blanket up high and tucked yourself into his warm skin and he wound an arm around your waist. chan's hand rested on hyunjin's hip, squeezing the flesh there every so often.

being here felt so right, so natural, so easy. loving these two was as easy as breathing. you couldn't believe it had taken this long to get here but now that you had, you weren't letting them go. before your eyes fell closed you heard the sound of chan's lips kissing along hyunjin's shoulder before he whispered “rest now my loves. because i have big plans for you tomorrow.”

THE END

[definitelynotshouting]

okay hello hi here to shout again because I have ROTATING the hunger lore for DAYS

ECOSYSTEMSSSSS!!! LETS GOOOO!!! did I do well in biology? No!!! I did not :D but ecosystems I know bby!!! MOONS AND STARS ABOVE I love the way it's all connected to like this huge ecosystem and the Watchers being almost gone, the Seekers being completely gone, and rhe Listeners relatively new!! Like?? That's so extremely clever and fascinating to me, and I love the way things are out of balance now bc!!! Yea!!! That's how ecosystems be!!

And also!!! It opens all these new thoughts!!! Like, I can't remember exactly if you said WHY the Watchers decided to take Grian, but if you didn't then like!!!! It opens up these possibilities of the Watchers trying to build back their population, which opens even MORE doors like "are they trying this with other players or was Grian the first/last?" And "would building their population out of Players actually help if Player-Watchers are different?" LIKE IM MEANT TO BE DOING SCHOOLWORK BUT I AM ROTATING

(and also. Love the way Grian became a Watcher. Can't remember if you specified the why (will go back and look) or if you're keeping it secret for now, but!! I love considering the ways populations adapt and survive to great loss and near extinction. It's very different from my own lore (living weapon Grian. Watchers took him to be a soldier bc Watchers and Listeners can't harm each other) so it's so fun to just think about and!!! Yeah!!! That's all I got!!!

Once again :D love your au <3 love your world building and your writing!! Was going to just send the one ask, but I cannot stop rotating your au!!! :D

-Wren

AAAAAA thank you so much!!!! :D im really pleased that everyone likes the ecosystem stuff-- ive been kinda noodling on it for a while because ecosystems are just so neat to me and it made a lot of sense to develop one when i decided Watchers were parasitic in this verse!!!!

I think ive only mentioned this offhand once or twice, but youve absolutely nailed the entire reason the Watchers took Grian-- they're trying to rebuild their population. Grian was essentially the beginning of an experiment to see if this was a suitable way to do that!!!

Actually lemme dive into that real fast, because i dont think i actually have before, at least not publicly. Something to note about Watcher life cycles is that they take comparatively a LONG time. Specifically, Watcher larvae take around a year to incubate within their hosts, and then once they "hatch" (altho "emerge" might be a better word for it) the juveniles take far longer to grow up and teach. And because these things are basically made out of wet tissue paper, theyve got a pretty high mortality rate.

So to get around that, and to try and get around the fact that juveniles often die because they dont know how to feed properly yet and often overextend themselves, why not try and copy the memory code of something fully grown and sentient and just... transfer it to a larva, so its easier to teach?? I feel like it kinda highlights the desperation the Watchers are feeling, that they'd go for this kind of wild experimentation, but it did technically work!!!

They just uh. Didnt account for the insane trauma that would cause, because to them Players are typically just viewed as food sources. Very orange and blue morality, in terms of their value systems compared to Players'.

Grian demonstrated to them that while its possible to rebuild this way on a technical level, its not actually feasible socially speaking. Grian ran from them because of the trauma they inflicted, and that sorta defeats the purpose of Watcherificating a Player so they can add to the community's population 💀💀💀💀 so yeah i'd say Grian is probably both the first and last experiment of his kind, if only because its just not reasonable to continue if your new Watchers are going to escape containment and flee to the ends of the universe every single time you make one /lh

I really love your concept with Watcher!Grian being a weapon, thats INSANELY neat holy shit!!!! Im feeling Things™ about that, i would absolutely love to hear more if you decide you want to tell me!!! It sounds like youve got some really cool symbolism in your lore, and i live for that shit >:]

Skdnwjfnmej anyway theres my own insane ramble to match your deeply flattering compliments, seriously thank you im so astonished people love this stuff so much, it makes me very very happy to know other people are spinning my concepts around in their heads :D feel free to send as many asks as you want!! I always love chatting with people :]

[caffeinated-rants]

Those of you who still have grandparents to visit, to share memories with, and to spend time with... cherish what time you have left with them. You never know how fast life can turn them into someone who doesn't recognize you or them into someone you don't know.

.

I never, ever would wish dementia on anyone. Not even those who to this day I still hold a deep anger and disdain for. Watching someone you love wither away before their body gives out is worse than having their death be sudden. You essentially have them die twice, first figuratively and then literally.

.

Friday, my grandma fell and fractured her hip. Saturday she went in for surgery and had 3 screws put in. Mom and I visited her after I got off work today and I have NEVER seen my grandma this bad off...

She was weaned off of the morphine, and they tried to give her Tylenol and she's refusing the meds. She's refusing to eat or drink. She hardly can keep her eyes open. He can barely talk more than a few words. When I was in the hall talking with my grandpa she started yelling for him to help her and save her.

They even had my grandpa fill out that pink paper already regarding what to do if her heart stops. He already has it to not resuscitate and not to implement any feeding tubes.

They've tried to at least get her to sit up to hang her legs off the edge of the hospital bed and she even refuses that...

They have her hooked to an ice machine for her hip, they plan to do an IV drip for the Tylenol since she wont take the pills, and they have something similar to a cathedar for her since she keeps wetting the bed. It's like a pad with suction that drai s the urine into a container. Over that pad she has a second, normal pad to keep any urine from getting on the bed.

I know it's only the first day after her surgery, and my mom is hoping her behavior is just because the morphine is still working it's way from her system, but... after seeing her like this.... I really don't think she has that long....

My grandpa even said he doesn't think she's going to recover from this...

My grandpa doesnt let anyone see him emotional. He didn't even let himself choke up in front of us when his own mother passed. He was talking to me while my mom was trying to get grandma to talk to her and I hugged him and he cried. Not hard, because he did hold back, but he choked up and shed a couple tears... and that got me.

My grandma is the one who really encouraged my artwork and was enthusiastic about my progress... she bought my first drawing tablet because she saw the mouse-done stuff back when me and my friends were all doing bases... She didn't understand anime all that much, but she knew Sailor Moon... and she really encouraged me to go down this style path... and she always defended me when I brought up the fact that my teachers discouraged it... and she was an artist in many forms, herself. She had done fantastic oil paintings and did almost realistic animals on rocks based on the size of rock... frogs... raccoons... deer curled up to sleep.... she made my sister's clothes for a while when growing up... she did jewelry making and made clay beads herself and worked with metals and leather for bracelettes... she even did glass blown beadwork for a while and made her own glass bean necklsces.... and now she can't can't color in a coloring book....

[jawritter]

Carry On

Chapter 2

Summary: It was just a simple hunt, found on a pie festival. It was supposed to be easy. Something they’d all done one hundred and one times a million. No one could have told Y/N, Dean, and Sam that nothing from that point on would ever be the same again.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader x Sam Winchester

Word Count: 2796

Warnings: Heavy, HEAVY TW: Dean’s final episode of SPN. (Season 15x20 spoilers). Graphic injury. Me botching medical jargon, A lot of pain, blood, and hospital type atmosphere. Injured Dean Winchester. Angst.

Due to the graphic nature of this fic, and the fact that it will eventually contain Smut. This fic is an 18 + only fic! If you’re under 18 DO NOT read this fic!

A/N: This fic is beta’d by @kazsrm67 Thanks so much love! Please do not copy my work! Feedback is golden! I hope you all enjoy this ride with me!

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Y/N followed the nurse and Sam down the hallway towards the ICU ward of the hospital with legs that felt as if they each weighed fifty pounds. She never thought in a million years that this would be so hard. For hours, she had sat in that room with Sam on pins and needles; wanting to see him, wanting to know if he was okay, if he’d survived the surgery. Now, as they made their journey through the busy hospital hallways with all the smells of bleach and Lysol burning her nose, as well as sick or injured people rolling around in wheelchairs, or people with bandages tied to random parts of them walking slowly with nurses wheeling IV poles some with multiple bags hanging from them, it only served to send her anxiety through the ceiling. 

Thoughts of, ‘will this be Dean one day? Stuck in a wheelchair, watching from his doorway as people moved on about their day or their own recovery while he was trapped in his own body?’

Of all the cruel things in the world that could have happened to Dean, after everything he’d been through, after all he’d sacrificed, being confined to a chair and unable to hunt, unable to drive his baby, unable to do basic everyday things, that seemed the cruelest form of a living hell to her. 

All of this flooded her mind knowing that there was a good chance Dean would never wake up again, that infection would set in; he wouldn’t ever survive to get to that point, but she couldn’t make herself believe that. She couldn’t make herself believe that he’d held on this long, survived the flight here, survived being impaled against a fucking poll, just to die on his back in an ICU bed, unable to talk, unable to move, and unconscious. She couldn’t accept that; wouldn’t accept that.

They followed the nurse behind a set of heavy doors that required her to slide her ID badge to open, and stepped into a large room with a huge desk in the middle of it, and curtained off rooms with patients lying in beds. Some, just from standing at a distance, looked worse than others did. Most of them were on some kind of life support, the ones she could see with the curtains open anyway, and it was so deadly quiet in there that you could have heard a pin drop down the hallway.  It almost had the same air as a funeral home did right before the services started, and the mourners gathered around to say their final farewell; it made her breath quicken and her chest tighten. 

“Okay,” Rayne said as she turned around in front of the blue curtain she’d led them to in the center of the circle of ‘rooms.’ “I’ll give you guys some time, I’ll be right there at the nurse’s desk. Remember, he looks a lot worse than what he actually is right now. He’s stable. He’s a little pale, a little swollen from the surgery and trauma he’s been through; but he’s comfortable. If you need me, I’ll be at the nurse’s desk until I have to come get you guys. I can’t let you stay here, but we allow visitors to come in and check on their loved ones every few hours, and I’ll leave you with a phone number to my desk over there, where you can give his name and call any time for updates. If something happens, whether it’s an increase or a decrease in his stability, or whatever, I will let you know.”

Sam swallowed thickly and nodded as the nurse pulled the curtain to the side, and allowed the pair to step in before she closed it, leaving them alone with Dean. 

Nothing could have prepared her for the sight that awaited her there on that bed. It almost didn’t even look like Dean. His face was swollen. He was shirtless and had it not been for his tattoo, she might have argued that they’d brought them to the wrong person. There were tubes coming from his mouth and sides, one of which she assumed was the vent and the others drains. His chest rose and fell in a strange, slow rhythm. His arms were flat down by his sides. There was bruising she could see on his chest, sides, and upper left shoulder. It sent her heart crashing to her feet as she numbly made her way to one side of the bed, and Sam the other. 

This couldn’t be real! She was dreaming. This had to be a nightmare, and if Sam wasn’t standing across from her, she probably would have pinched herself to try and wake herself up. Dean looked so helpless, so small in that big bed covered in tubes and monitors. The muffled beep from the heart monitor was maddening. It was all too much, but something, a force she never would understand, moved her closer to him, and she reached to run her fingers through his hair as a fresh wave of emotions crashed into her chest and ran down her face. 

“Fuck Dean,” she whispered in a shaking voice. Sam said nothing, he just stood there, eyes glued to his big brother; oversized hands gripping the handrails for support. “Sam, there has got to be something we can do, try and contact Jack, anything? We can’t just leave him like this!”

“He told me not to intervene Y/N. I have to respect his wishes, and besides, even If I could, there’s no way I could get in contact with Jack to have him step in and make this right. He’s not Chuck, he’s left this in our own hands, he said so himself. He’s not gonna be hands on. If you try and do something as stupid as sell your soul for him, that’s not gonna do Dean any favors. I watched it nearly kill him when Dad did it, and if you or I do that; it will kill him. Dean is just gonna have to fight this out on his own. There's nothing we can do.”

Y/N’s emotions were all over the place, and in her grief soaked mind, she felt as if Sam was giving up on him, and it sent her blood pressure through the roof. Like he was just walking away, doing nothing to help, even if she did understand the logic behind his words, it still stung; if she wasn’t standing there with her fingers running through Dean’s hair, she probably would have screamed at him. 

“If he survives this,” Sam continued, “He’s not gonna be the same. He’s gonna need someone with him, he’s gonna need you. Y/N there’s some things I just can’t do for him that you can.”

“Oh, I’m not going anywhere Sam, not unless he wakes up and sends me away, but why do I get the feeling you're about to tuck tail and run away?” she bit out, and visibly flinched. 

“There are some things I’m gonna have to go home and do, like take care of Miracle. I’ll be back, but you heard the doctor. They think you’re his wife. You’re gonna be number one on the contact list, and I’m not mad about that, please don’t think that, you did what you had to do to get them out there. You’re the reason he’s still alive. I’ll be back, I just got to go get Miracle, and I’ll be back… And maybe even get Eileen.”

“Bullshit,” Y/N growled, as she looked down at Dean’s face. “You’re not coming back.”

“Y/N, I love him, he’s my brother, I’ll be back, but I’ve got to wrap up this hunt, take care of Miracle–it’s really, really hard for me to see him like this right now. Dean’s gonna be in this hospital for a long time, but when he gets out, he’s not gonna be able to travel, I don’t want to set him up at a hotel. I’ll have to rent him an apartment, and Eileen can help with that. We’re gonna all need each other. I might leave for a while, but I trust you to take care of him, and I will be back.”

She knew arguing with him was not something that was going to help either of them right now, and especially not going to help Dean. She could tell by the look on Sam’s face he was struggling; it was hard to see Dean this way. The man that had always been there for him and taken care of him when quite frankly no one else would. So, she would let him leave without a fight, and hope he wouldn’t do his brother the disservice of turning his back on him. 

It wasn’t even anything Sam had done in the past that made her feel this way. Her trust issues were earned when her own family turned their back on her years ago. Honestly, it’s just hard to turn something like that off. 

“You need to be here when he wakes up Sam,” she scolded him one final time for good measure, because she just couldn’t help it. His emotions may have been high right now, but so were hers. 

“I will be back in three days, I swear it, and then I will rent that apartment so that we will have somewhere to take him when he’s released until he can come home.”

Y/N nodded, but didn’t say anything, she was tired, so very tired, and didn’t have it in her to carry on this conversation any further. 

In what felt like no time at all, the curtain drew back, and Rayne was standing there with an apologetic look on her face, ready to tell them it was time to leave. 

“He likes that,” she said, looking at the monitor over Dean’s right shoulder behind where Y/N was standing. 

“What?” she questioned, and the nurse smiled and pointed at the monitor. 

“His heart rate, it lowered to a resting pace, It was slightly elevated when I walked you guys in here. I can see it on my computer at the desk. I was wondering what calmed him down, if it was just the medication or what, but apparently, he really likes it when you play with his hair.”

It was something she had been doing since she had walked in, and she hadn’t even really registered that she was still doing it, but when she looked down at him as she carded her fingers through his short hair again, he did look as if he was more relaxed than he did when she walked in. As much as she could tell anyway with all those tubes and things running from him. 

“I wish I could stay here with him,” she admitted, and the nurse nodded sadly. 

“In a few hours you can come back in and sit with him a little longer. Right now, he needs his rest,” she said. “I will keep a close eye on him, and if anything changes, I promise I will come and get you or call you.”

Y/N nodded as the pressure started to build behind her eyes, and she fought back tears that threatened to spill there in front of everyone. She had never felt this weak; this vulnerable, and she definitely didn’t like the fact that this was so out of her hands, and that there was nothing she could do to make this better for Dean; when in all honesty, she would have traded place with him in a heartbeat, she almost prayed it would have been her instead. She’d gladly take it all away for him. The pain, the battle to come, all of it. 

She leaned down and pressed her lips to his forehead, lingering there longer than she should have, but she didn’t give a shit what anyone thought at this point. Sam leaned forward and placed his hand on top of Deans as well, giving it a squeeze as his hazel eyes took in Dean’s sleeping form. 

“I’ll be back as soon as I can, and I’ll even try to get them to let me get Miracle in here to see you if you can wake up for me, okay? Just hang in there, man.”

The pair followed the nurse out into the waiting area again reluctantly, and Y/N did her best to stabilize her breathing as she settled on the couch that sat in the room. It wasn’t big, but she’d make due, because in two hours she could see Dean and that would be worth it. 

“Go back to the motel Y/N, get some sleep, and then come back and see him.” Sam suggested as he adjusted his jacket, Dean’s keys gripped tightly in his hands. 

“Na, I think I’ll stay here with him until I can see him again,” Y/N answered, and Sam tossed Dean’s keys to her. 

“Here, he’s gonna want to know where his baby is when he wakes up, I can uh… hitch a ride, and be back here with my own car,” Sam said with a wink. “Let me know if anything changes, I’ll be back in two days.”

Without a word, she watched him leave. When she could no longer see him, Y/N looked at the clock, this was going to be a long two hours, but an even longer week. She needed to see his eyes again. She needed him awake. More than she needed oxygen. 

There was a slight fear that when Dean woke up, he’d ask her to leave. Dean had never really shown her that he really cared for her much more than a fellow hunter. Other than that, Y/N was just another person standing in the room. The likelihood that he would wake up and dismiss her was greater than him asking her to say, no matter how much the nurse said he liked it when she played with his hair. 

“Here,” a sudden voice made her startle, and she looked up to see Rayne standing over her with a blanket, and a pillow. “Try and get some sleep, I’ll come and wake you when it’s time to go see him again.”

“Thanks,” Y/N responded as she took the pillow and blanket from her. “Is he okay?”

“He’s stable,” she answered with a smile. “Which alone is a big step for someone who suffered such a bad injury.”

Y/N chewed on her lip as she thought about that for a moment, and Rayne turned to leave, she wasn’t going to ask, but she had to know, she just had too. 

“Can he hear us, when we’re in there with him? Does he know what’s going on?” Y/N questioned, and the nurse stopped dead in her tracks, and turned around with her hand on the door frame as she thought about that for a moment. 

“Medical Scientists and professionals will tell you no, they can’t hear you, that they are in a completely unconscious state, but I’ve been an ICU nurse for over 20 years, and I think they’re wrong. I’ve had patients be in comas for almost a month, to the point where we have to take the vent out and put a trache in to prevent infections and other complications; but when they woke up, they’d tell their loved ones about conversations they overheard, or songs that where played, or someone playing with their hair.”

Y/N nodded slowly, and looked down at the blanket that was still in her hands as she tried to process that information. 

“The human mind is an amazing thing, just when we think we’ve got it figured out, someone comes along and proves us wrong. I've never seen someone with an injury as bad as Dean’s to survive the transport, let alone the surgery. I watched the physical response when you started to play with his hair. I think he might know you’re there, even if he can’t communicate it, or if he can’t remember it, I believe that he senses you.”

Y/N offered the nurse a smile and looked back down at the blanket, words failing her. She hoped she was right in a way, and she at least hoped Dean knew that he wasn’t alone. She may not have felt like she counted for much, but she was there for him, she’d be there until she was sent away, no matter how long it took; maybe one day, she’d get the nerve up to tell him how she really felt about him, but right now, she just wanted him to be okay. 

“Get some sleep Mrs. Clearwater.” 

“I’ll try.”

Forever:

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Jensen and Dean’s Babes

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[chocmarss]

I’ve said this on twitter before but I’ll say it again here: it would be EXTREMELY funny if Rex, Ahsoka, and Bo-Katan meet again post episode IV, specifically in the Mandalorian era.

Ahsoka: You lost the Darksaber again?

Bo-Katan: [has been hiding the fact she did lose the Darksaber the 2nd time but by the gods has she been trying her best to keep that from Ahsoka] How—

Ahsoka: Rex told me. Sabine gave it to you and you lost it. How’d that happened, Bo? There were no evil ex-Sith Lords to steal it from you again, and you lost it?

Bo-Katan: I didn’t lose it—

Ahsoka: Then, how did Din get it?

Rex: Who’s he?

Ahsoka: The new Manda’lor

Bo-Katan: He is not the new Manda’lor—

This is the day Bo-Katan was reminded that these two might be dangerous on their own but together —Clone War vets who have been working together for almost 30 years and are basically each other’s persons— they’re a bunch of lethally dangerous assholes.

Okay, yeah, so maybe Bo-Katan did lose the Darksaber, but they didn’t have to be insufferable about it. They’re so annoying, honestly. They’re beginning to sound like Boba, and it doesn’t help that Rex shares the same genetic gnome with the dude, like ugh.

Rex: Oh yeah, I know he rules Tatooine. I visit him sometimes to make his life a mess, like he did when he was little and decided to be a little brat to us on Kamino.

I didn’t think much of this other than Bo-Katan drops over to Rex’s house before that because she knows Ahsoka’s there but walks in on them being like. old people sappy.

Bo-Katan: [watches them] I see you two have gotten… close

Ahsoka: [slow dancing with Rex around his garden] What of it?

Rex isn’t exactly young anymore, but he has his own house to retire and all, so Ahsoka drops by once in a while to spend some time with him and do all the nice things they wouldn’t imagine doing since they’ve been in too many wars one went through a lifetime, so forgive her if she’s enjoying herself, Bo.

Maybe you should join them, listen to the music coming out from the clanky old radio, breathe in the fresh air. Take a nap maybe, since you look like the last time they’re about to take over a whole planet.

Wha— you’re going to Mandalore again? Why?

To help Din? That’s a first. No, we’re not making fun of you, it’s just that you hate the guy’s guts, and usually, you’d die for that Darksaber if it means getting it from him.

You want our help to get him around the sewages? But you’re going to be there though, why won’t you do it?

You’re going there first. To wait for him. While the Manda’lor himself is somewhere around the galaxy doing. Whatever. Can’t you just look for him and then you go together?

Bo-Katan: [feeling a headache coming along] I have other business to look into, will you help me or not?

Rex: [taking a tray of freshly baked bread out of the oven] Nope. Permanently retired, remember?

Ahsoka finally agrees to follow Bo-Katan to Mandalore and Rex gives her a little kiss goodbye and saying things like, “Make sure there aren’t any old ghosts trying to kill you.” and “If you need help, just tell me, and I’ll go.”

Bo-Katan: What happened to retiring?

Rex: [gives Ahsoka a Keldabe kiss]

Bo-Katan: [full of heavy judgement] Forget I asked.

[wiihtigo]

youre doing gods work w the boostle list i stg. once that drops its OVER for me. eithet that or ill just hyperfix rlly hard for a week then forget ab it. well see. is there any other dc shit youd rec or whatever while were at it.

MARTY my friend marty is doing gods work theyre helping me a lot rn remembering which specific issues of other comics they show up in before we get to the big big stuff like countdown

as for other dc stuff id rec....Well i recently finishing reading the 80s (and 60s) doom patrol comic and enjoyed it very much! im also watching the tv show and its good but the episodes are like an hour long so its like a Task to sit down and focus on. Im only like a handful of episodes in

I did not fucking care for like the first 20 issues of doom patrol 1987 and almost dropped it until i reached the grant morrison run and it was instantly so good i couldnt stop reading. Ive said this to my friends before but i would say its comparable to the works of stephen king in both the good and the bad ways. It was a good comic in the same way "It" was a good book

The 60s one is fine and i enjoyed it (it has rita! but so does the tv show so if you want to see her but dont want to read a 60s comic you can watch her there) but if youre in it for the surreal really weird storylines you mightve heard rumors of from dp the 80s run is where it all begins. honest to god id say just skip the issues until grant morrison takes over theyre so BORINGGGGG. IN MY OPINION

hm what else have i been reading OH. YOUNG JUSTICE 1998! i recently finished this one as well i dont know why it took me so long it was only 55 issues but it was SOOOOOO GOOD. i do not fucking like the young justice cartoon this comic is the superior yj media i mean just compare yj 98s kon (cool leather jacket. gay earring. undercut. tiny shades. TWO belts) to the tv shows kon (just a t shirt and jeans. ugly haircut. lame. stupid. ugly. die. Straight)

K*N -> THE COOLER KON EL

cant rec this comic enough mostly out of spite for the fact that when most people think of young justice they think of the swagless cartoon and not this beautiful team of teens. For one, the kids actually act like teens in the comic and not young adults having stupid relationship drama. Theyre sweet and stupid and care about eachother and the storylines are really thoughtful and opinionated. a lot of what im saying is regurgitated from things my much more eloquent friend monty has said about yj but since reading it for myself and now knowing firsthand i cant agree more. There was a really awesome story involving arrowette (cissie king jones) about a school shooting and gun violence. a lot of modern comics take the (pussy) centrist route when dealing with big controversies like this but they literally look to the camera and say GUN CONTROL **PLEASE!!!!!!!!**. in an ealier issue theres this funny moment where bart (impulse) zips away to stop some hunters from killing a deer and kon (superboy) is like did you really violate their AMERICAN right to shoot guns? AWESOME!!!!!!!!

also its just earnestly really really really funny. it has that sam and max style of humor which is why i think i loved it so much.

cant sing enough praises for this comic. Also in the yj show they had dick grayson as the robin for the first season? and wally? why do you hate tim drake and bart allen that much. tim kon and bart are a package deal dont separate them you bitch!

umm well that was only 2 comics i ended up recomending but i talked a lot about yj sooooo. there you go

[the-king-andthe-lionheart]

The Fundamentals of Gendrya

So I just want to establish the possible foreshadowing Arya and Gendry have that hints at a possible romantic relationship in the future, as well as the romantic undertones present in their story.  I’m not really going to focus on symbolism in this meta (although it will come up a couple of times in a minor way), as that will be a focus for future meta.  This is only meant to establish the fundamental basics.

First I want to say that when I’m talking about the romantic possibility of Gendrya, I mean future Gendrya, as in once Arya is older.  However I will posit and say that because we are viewing this in the world of Westeros (in a pseudo Medieval world that GRRM exaggerated and sensationalized from real Medieval sources as well as rumor) and because GRRM has established he has no problems with placing his younger characters in romantic or sexual situations (see Mercy TWOW) I think it would be remiss to think GRRM would not take Arya and Gendry here if that was his plan all along.  After all, there is plenty of precedent.  

This also leads me to remind everyone that Gendry is not an adult when he meets Arya, and the age gap between the two is one of the least egregious age gaps in the books as most of the age gaps are between adult men in their 20’s and 30’s with 12-16 year old girl’s.  I think a lot of people think of the age gap as Arya being 9 the whole time and Gendry being 16, but this is in fact wrong.  According to the timeline, Arya and Gendry meet at the beginning of 299 AC, right around Arya’s 10th birthday.  In 299 AC Gendry was only 13/14 years old.  He was born in 284 AC and is not the same age as Robb and Jon, like Ned surmises.  Gendry is just big for his age, and it’s highly likely Gendry doesn’t even know how old he is.  When Arya and Gendry separate in ASOS Arya is almost 11 while Gendry is 14/15 years old.  

Regardless, this is fiction, and doesn’t reflect real world morals.  So what I’m getting at is that if anyone disagrees with this meta because of their ages I suggest you don’t read any further.

Foreshadowing

Our first hint of foreshadowing happens in Arya’s very first chapter:

She frowned down at them with dismay and glanced over to where her sister Sansa sat among the other girls.  Sansa's needlework was exquisite.  Everyone said so.  “Sansa's work is as pretty as she is,” Septa Mordane told their lady mother once.  “She has such fine, delicate hands.”  When Lady Catelyn had asked about Arya, the septa had sniffed.  “Arya has the hands of a blacksmith.” - Arya I AGOT

This quote is later followed up with:

[...] “I ruined that gown Lady Smallwood gave me, and I don't sew so good.”  She chewed her lip.  “I don't sew very well, I mean.  Septa Mordane used to say I had a blacksmith's hands.”

Gendry hooted.  “Those soft little things,” he called out.  “You couldn't even hold a hammer.” - Arya VII ASOS

In the same book Lem Lemoncloak says this to Gendry:

“You must be a lackwit, boy,” said Lem.  “We're outlaws.  Lowborn scum, most of us, except for his lordship.  Don't think it'll be like Tom's fool songs neither.  You won't be stealing no kisses from a princess, nor riding in no tourneys in stolen armor.  You join us, you'll end with your neck in a noose, or your head mounted up above some castle gate.” - Arya VII ASOS

At this point Arya is indeed a princess, but Lem also makes an obvious reference (to the audience) to the Knight of the Laughing Tree, which I think we can safely say was Lyanna.  The fact that Lyanna is Arya’s literary mirror, tells me we can connect Arya to Lem’s comment, not to mention the inclusion of “princess” just kind of seals the deal.  We also know that Arya is the spitting image of Lyanna and Gendry the spitting image of Robert Baratheon.  I think it’s worth noting also that after Acorn Hall, Lem takes it upon himself to make sure nothing untoward happens between Arya and Gendry (he thought Gendry was taking advantage of Arya after they wrestled) as he starts sleeping in between them, which is seen in Arya V ASOS when they are at The Peach.  Lem saying “Don’t think it’ll be like Tom’s fool songs neither” is also interesting because at Acorn Hall we specifically get Tom singing a love song directed towards Arya and Gendry.

Speaking of Lyanna and Robert being reflections of Arya (in both appearance and personality) and Gendry (in appearance for the most part) this is said in Eddard I AGOT:

We were meant to rule together. If Lyanna had lived, we should have been brothers, bound by blood as well as affection. Well, it is not too late. I have a son. You have a daughter. My Joff and your Sansa shall join our houses, as Lyanna and I might once have done."

Now this quote may be referring to Sansa and Joffrey, but I do think it’s foreshadowing for Gendrya and this is just a misdirect.  After all, Joffrey is not Robert Baratheon’s son by blood, but Gendry is, even though he is illegitimate.  To me this also sounds like a promise.  When you think about it, the story truly begins at the Tourney of Harrenhal with the events that broke the betrothal between Lyanna and Robert, so it would be very cyclical for the ending to do what the beginning could not, binding a Stark and a Baratheon together in marriage.

There are also several references about Arya marrying an apprentice/blacksmith:

“[...] Or if it is marriage and children you desire, tell me, and we shall find a husband for you.  Some honest apprentice boy, a rich old man, a seafarer, whatever you desire.” - Arya II AFFC

We also have a comment made by Jaime:

“Not all,” said Jaime.  “Lord Eddard's daughters live.  One has just been wed.  The other...”  Brienne, where are you?  Have you found her?  “...if the gods are good, she'll forget she was a Stark.  She'll wed some burly blacksmith or fat-faced innkeep, fill his house with children, and never need to fear that some knight might come along to smash their heads against a wall.” - Jaime I ADWD

Now I know what you are going to say, that Jaime is referring to Sansa possibly marrying a blacksmith or innkeep, but if it weren’t for Jaime’s thought’s in the middle towards Brienne, you’d never guess which Stark daughter he is referring to because Sansa was only just recently married as well.  Also it’s Arya who is associated with a blacksmith (Gendry) and a fat-faced innkeep (Hot Pie).  So while Jaime is referring to Sansa here I think we are meant to actually look at the reality behind this and reverse the foreshadowing back onto Arya, because it wasn’t Arya who was recently wed, that was Sansa.  It’s also Arya who is legitimately trying to forget she was a Stark (Sansa isn’t trying to forget, she is only pretending to be Alayne to ensure her protection) and like I mentioned it’s Arya who had a blacksmith and future employee at an inn as companions for two novels.  So I think it’s a foreshadowing switcheroo.  And I think it’s also worth mentioning that while Jaime sent Brienne out to save Sansa, Brienne spends her whole journey almost exclusively hearing news and following leads about Arya.

There is also a reference in Brienne VII AFFC that makes mention that Arya may marry an apprentice boy:

Gendry was the closest thing to a man grown, but it was Willow shouting all the orders, as if she were a queen in her castle and the other children were no more than servants.

If she were highborn, command would come naturally to her, and deference to them.  Brienne wondered whether Willow might be more than she appeared.  The girl was too young and too plain to be Sansa Stark, but she was of the right age to be the younger sister, and even Lady Catelyn had said that Arya lacked her sister's beauty.  Brown hair, brown eyes, skinny...could it be?  Arya Stark's hair was brown, she recalled, but Brienne was not sure about the color of her eyes.  Brown and brown, was that it?  Could it be that she did not die at Saltpans after all?

*

“One day that little girl [Willow] will make some man a frightful wife,” Ser Hyle observed.  “That poor 'prentice boy [Gendry], most like.”

Willow is very obviously a Arya stand-in which makes this specific quote about Arya and Gendry, not Willow and Gendry.

Arya IV ASOS has the strongest case for future romantic Gendrya.  Not only does Gendry follow after Arya and invite her to look at the forge, Gendry opens up to her about his life right before he was uprooted, and does this:

Gendry reached out with the tongs as if to pinch her face, but Arya swatted them away.

Gendry is being playful and open with Arya during most of this scene in the forge, teasing her in a manner that verges on flirting, telling her a story about his past, laughing and having fun with Arya.  And then this happens:

Gendry put the hammer down and looked at her.  “You look different now.  Like a proper little girl.”

“I look like an oak tree, with all these stupid acorns.”

“Nice, though.  A nice oak tree.”  He stepped closer, and sniffed at her.  “You even smell nice for a change.”

“You don't.  You stink.”  Arya shoved him back against the anvil and made to run, but Gendry caught her arm.  She stuck a foot between his legs and tripped him, but he yanked her down with him, and they rolled across the floor of the smithy.  He was very strong, but she was quicker.  Every time he tried to hold her still she wiggled free and punched him.  Gendry only laughed at the blows, which made her mad.  He finally caught both her wrists in one hand and started to tickle her with the other, so Arya slammed her knee between his legs, and wrenched free.  Both of them were covered in dirt, and one sleeve was torn on her stupid acorn dress.  “I bet I don't look so nice now,” she shouted.

Gendry compliments Arya’s looks and scent, only for Arya to think he’s teasing her about her appearance due to her intense insecurity when it comes to highborn conformation (Gendry’s laugh when he first saw her didn’t help matters in her insecurity even though Gendry most likely only laughed out of being startled at her transformation).  This insecurity leads Arya into getting angry and starting a wrestling match with him.  This wrestling scene also directly follows Jaime and Brienne’s very sexually charged sword fight, and could also be interpreted as foreshadowing a romantic and potentially sexual relationship in the future, like theirs did, when they are older.  

Now I’m not saying that I think Gendrya is going to go NC-17 in the books, but I do think it’s likely to go PG-13 by the end of ADOS, considering we have precedent that GRRM has no qualms about writing these types of things as I mentioned above, and we know Arya is going to be 12 in TWOW and may be at least 14-15 when the series ends depending on how much GRRM can spread out the timeline in the next two books.  But considering the amount of stuff that needs to happen, I think the next two books will span 2-3 years before the epilogue begins.

Then there is the love song GRRM specifically wrote for Arya.  A song that has only appeared in one chapter, Arya’s chapter:

“My featherbed is deep and soft,

and there I'll lay you down,

I'll dress you all in yellow silk,

and on your head a crown.

For you shall be my lady love,

and I shall be your lord.

I'll always keep you warm and safe,

and guard you with my sword.

“And how she smiled and how she laughed,

the maiden of the tree.

She spun away and said to him,

no featherbed for me.

I'll wear a gown of golden leaves,

and bind my hair with grass,

But you can be my forest love,

and me your forest lass.”

Now we know this song is about them because when Tom O’Sevens is singing it, he winks at Arya, and later Lady Smallwood specifically says to Arya “I have no gowns of leaves”.  The song specifically mentions yellow – a Baratheon color – and depicts the free spirited “Maiden of the Tree” who wants love on her own terms, which sounds like what an older, flowered version of Arya would want if she fell in love.

Romantic Undertones

Arya’s Crush

As she passed the armory, Arya heard the ring of a hammer. A deep orange glow shone through the high windows. She climbed to the roof and peeked down. Gendry was beating out a breastplate. When he worked, nothing existed for him but metal, bellows, fire. The hammer was like part of his arm. She watched the play of muscles in his chest and listened to the steel music he made. He's strong, she thought. As he took up the long-handled tongs to dip the breastplate into the quenching trough, Arya slithered through the window and leapt down to the floor beside him. - Arya IX ACOK

It’s very subtle but this paragraph tells us everything.  Arya unintentionally reveals in this quote that she watches Gendry blacksmithing enough to know that the world falls away when he’s in his element.  She watches the play of muscles in his back and notes how strong he is and even attaches poetic language to his work.  Arya has a crush on Gendry.  It’s not acknowledged and it’s likely she doesn’t understand it herself, but this seems to be the truth of it, especially with the way GRRM worded this.  I don’t know how many times I’ve read a romance where the protagonist studies their love interest while watching the “play of muscles” in their back or their arms.  It’s also interesting to note that Arya always mentions specifics about Gendry’s looks and notes details about him:

He blinked at her, startled. Strands of thick black hair, still wet from the bathhouse, fell across his deep blue eyes. "I'd hurt you." - Arya II ACOK

"It's me they want," Arya whispered back. His ear smelled of soap. "You be quiet." - Arya II ACOK

When she spied Gendry, his bare chest was slick with sweat, but the blue eyes under the heavy black hair had the stubborn look she remembered. - Arya VIII ACOK

"She's not alone." Gendry rode out from behind the cottage wall, and behind him Hot Pie, leading her horse. In his chainmail shirt with a sword in his hand, Gendry looked almost a man grown, and dangerous. Hot Pie looked like Hot Pie. - Arya II ASOS

Now most of these I’d normally chalk up to the author just being descriptive, but if that’s the case, why don’t we know more about Hot Pie’s looks, who Arya spent nearly a year with at the same time as Gendry?  Why does she take special time out to describe Gendry so much?  Honestly I think part of it is to keep reminding us that Gendry is a secret Baratheon bastard, but that doesn’t explain the first quote about Arya watching the “play of muscles” in his back and noting how strong he is.  So I think it’s a combination of GRRM wanting to remind the audience that Gendry is a Baratheon and to also subtly show us that Arya has an innocent crush on him, but doesn’t know or acknowledge that this is the case out loud.

Their Mutual Jealousy

Starting after the events of Acorn Hall in Arya IV ASOS, it’s obvious that something shifts in Arya and Gendry’s relationship.  One aspect is that Gendry can no longer ignore that Arya is indeed a highborn girl after seeing her for the first time dressed up as one.  He knows what class differences will mean for their friendship.  And another aspect, is that Gendry acknowledges that he may be romantically interested in Arya, or at least acknowledges the potential for those feelings to emerge in time.  And because of this, combined with their class differences, Gendry knows that if he follows Arya to Riverrun where her mother and brother are, he would end up watching Arya grow into someone he could romantically love, only for her to be torn away from him due to an arranged marriage.  Both of these aspects play a factor in why we see Gendry become more outwardly scathing towards highborns in the chapters following this and why his behavior seems to become one rife with jealousy.

In Arya V ASOS the Brotherhood Without Banners travel to The Peach and both of the above aspects I spoke of are present in this chapter:

"You don't even know what a brothel is."

"I do so," she insisted. "It's like an inn, with girls."

He was turning red again. "What are you doing here, then?" he demanded. "A brothel's no fit place for no bloody highborn lady, everybody knows that."

And when Gendry protects Arya from a pervert by saying that she’s his sister, this is what goes down:

"Why did you say that?" Arya hopped to her feet. "You're not my brother."

"That's right," he said angrily. "I'm too bloody lowborn to be kin to m'lady high."

Arya was taken aback by the fury in his voice. "That's not the way I meant it."

"Yes it is." He sat down on the bench, cradling a cup of wine between his hands. "Go away. I want to drink this wine in peace. Then maybe I'll go find that black-haired girl and ring her bell for her."

Arya doesn’t really understand the intentions of the pervert, despite knowing of sex, and is confused on why Gendry would say that he’s her brother, but when she asks him, he takes it the wrong way since he is already so sensitive about their class differences at this point in their story.  That last paragraph is what makes this exchange really interesting though.  Why would Gendry say this, when it’s already made clear and established in this chapter that Gendry has no intentions of sleeping with any of the girls, even when it’s offered to him for free?  He is very obviously lying to try to get a rise out of Arya and the only way this makes sense is if we put it under a romantic lens.

Then we have this:

Arya whirled and left him there. A stupid bullheaded bastard boy, that's all he is. He could ring all the bells he wanted, it was nothing to her.

Now considering Arya’s defense mechanism (the mechanism that has her calling things or people stupid when she’s hurt or feeling inadequate by them to try to make the pain and hurt not seem so severe) the fact that she calls Gendry a “stupid bullheaded bastard boy” and proclaims Gendry ringing the bells of any girl was “nothing to her” tells us that it matters to her and that she’s upset.  This is further reiterated in Arya VIII ASOS:

Arya wished she had another crabapple to bounce off his face. "My father had honor," she said angrily. "And we weren't talking to you anyway. Why don't you go back to Stoney Sept and ring that girl's stupid bells?"

So here we have Arya mention this three chapters later, likely weeks if not months later.  If Arya didn’t care about Gendry ringing “all the bells he wanted” then why is she still so hurt and jealous?  She’s obviously been stewing about this for a while.

In this same chapter we also see gems from Gendry that clearly proclaim that he’s still plagued about his class differences to Arya.  It also clearly shows that Gendry is jealous of Edric Dayne once Arya befriends him, especially since she befriended someone highborn, like her, who just so happens to be a boy who we know has nearly the same coloring as Rhaegar Targaryen, which evokes the history repeating motif that is present in Arya’s arc of the Rhaegar/Lyanna/Robert love triangle.

"You have a knife," Gendry suggested. "If your hair annoys you so much, shave your bloody head."

He doesn't like Ned. The squire seemed nice enough to Arya; maybe a little shy, but good-natured. She had always heard that Dornishmen were small and swarthy, with black hair and small black eyes, but Ned had big blue eyes, so dark that they looked almost purple. And his hair was a pale blond, more ash than honey. - Arya VIII ASOS

And

"My lady?" Ned looked embarrassed. "I'm Edric Dayne, the . . . the Lord of Starfall."

Behind them, Gendry groaned. "Lords and ladies," he proclaimed in a disgusted tone. Arya plucked a withered crabapple off a passing branch and whipped it at him, bouncing it off his thick bull head. "Ow," he said. "That hurt." He felt the skin above his eye. "What kind of lady throws crabapples at people?"

"The bad kind," said Arya, suddenly contrite. 

Gendry continues to encapsulate “ours is the fury” during Arya’s whole exchange with Edric Dayne.

I do want to add that I know Gendry’s class issues have always been there, and it’s definitely been made even more apparent to him during the War of the Five Kings during his time in the wartorn Riverlands with Arya, so it’s not exactly that far-fetched that Gendry may become even more sensitive and/or bitter about it.  However, this extremity of his behavior only happened after Acorn Hall where he saw Arya looking like the highborn girl she is.  And while I do believe part of Gendry’s increase of bitterness about their class differences does have to do with potential romantic feelings, I also think it has to do with Gendry also coming to terms with the fact that Arya’s family is also directly responsible for the carnage they have seen and experienced (even though he doesn’t blame Arya, as she seems to be one of Gendry’s exceptions when it comes to his dislike of the nobility).  If it weren’t for the blatant flirting on his behalf in the forge at Acorn Hall and the jealousy, I would honestly chalk it up to Gendry trying to reconcile his own trauma and anger regarding highborns, including Arya’s family’s sins, but alas, that is not completely the case.

Post Separation

When Arya is kidnapped by the Hound and witnesses the Red Wedding, Arya contemplates where she may go and this crosses her thoughts in a very romanticized light:

She could stay with Hot Pie, or maybe Lord Beric would find her there. Anguy would teach her to use a bow, and she could ride with Gendry and be an outlaw, like Wenda the White Fawn in the songs.

But that was just stupid, like something Sansa might dream. - Arya XII ASOS

The fact that Arya follows this thought up with “that was just stupid, like something Sansa might dream” tells us specifically what type of fantasy this is.  Arya isn’t fantasizing about an adventure, she’s fantasizing about love and romance, considering those are the types of flights of fancy Sansa always loses herself in.  Now Arya isn’t outright rejecting the possibility of romance here, because there is more to that second paragraph:

But that was just stupid, like something Sansa might dream. Hot Pie and Gendry had left her just as soon as they could, and Lord Beric and the outlaws only wanted to ransom her, just like the Hound. None of them wanted her around. They were never my pack, not even Hot Pie and Gendry. I was stupid to think so, just a stupid little girl, and no wolf at all.

She rejects the possibility because she remembers that Hot Pie and Gendry abandoned her as soon as they could, and that all the Brotherhood did was use her, according to her perspective on the matter.  And her perspective is entirely skewed because of her abandonment and low self-esteem issues, as well as not fully understanding the class issues as she honestly didn’t think that bringing Hot Pie and Gendry to Riverrun and Winterfell would cause any issues with their friendships, which is understandable for a kid to think.  Especially one that hadn’t been in the highborn world for the past year and a half.  In fact, Medieval children in the real world and in the books, weren’t reprimanded for playing together regardless of class, usually the highborn children played with the children of those who worked and lived within the castle walls, from other lords children to stewards children to the helps children.  It’s just something children did until they reached a certain age where it just wasn’t allowed anymore.  So it’s only natural for this not to really factor into Arya’s plans.

When Arya is about to walk into the House of Black and White, Arya comforts her fear with a memory of Gendry:

Suddenly she was somewhere else . . . back in Harrenhal with Gendry [...] - Arya I AFFC

Which indicates that Gendry is still very much on her mind at this point.  I think it really says something as well that Arya takes comfort from a memory at Harrenhal of all places.  I think this indicates how much comfort she took from their friendship.  I also think she doesn’t think about Gendry with the Brotherhood to take her comfort because while ASOS has the most romantic foreshadowing for them and the two shared some nice moments, it was also the start of them truly fracturing, or so her unreliable narration interpreted it as.  After all, she actually thought that Gendry was making fun of her looks at Acorn Hall, and she thought Gendry didn’t want to be her friend anymore as he “abandoned her” for the Brotherhood.  So while Harrenhal was awful and they had their disagreements there, Arya still felt reassured with his companionship and likely found it uncomplicated in comparison to her other problems at the time.

*

When we next see Gendry in Brienne VII AFFC we see a drastically different Gendry.  While Gendry has always been guarded and sullen with a chip on his shoulder, with little love for the nobility, this change is drastic enough where it’s unsettling to read at first.  Not only is Gendry just flat out rude in a very mean way but he is filled with rage.  Gendry joined the Brotherhood because he liked how they handled justice, but under Lady Stoneheart there is no justice and he doesn’t seem to mind.  His beliefs have shifted as well.

And though his eyes had been that same deep blue, Lord Renly's eyes had always been warm and welcoming, full of laughter, whereas this boy's eyes brimmed with anger and suspicion.

Septon Meribald asked if he might lead the children in a grace, ignoring the small girl crawling naked across the table. "Aye," said Willow, snatching up the crawler before she reached the porridge. So they bowed their heads together and thanked the Father and the Mother for their bounty . . . all but the black-haired boy from the forge, who crossed his arms against his chest and sat glowering as the others prayed. Brienne was not the only one to notice. When the prayer was done Septon Meribald looked across the table, and said, "Do you have no love for the gods, son?"

"Not for your gods." Gendry stood abruptly. "I have work to do." He stalked out without a bite of food.

Gendry was at his forge, bare-chested beneath his leather apron. He was beating on a sword as if he wished it were a foe [...]

What would a knight be doing working at a smithy? "You have black hair and blue eyes, and you were born in the shadow of the Red Keep. Has no one ever remarked upon your face?"

"What's wrong with my face? It's not as ugly as yours."

Lord Renly was ahead of her, her sweet smiling king. He was leading her horse through the trees. Brienne called out to tell him how much she loved him, but when he turned to scowl at her, she saw that he was not Renly after all. Renly never scowled. He always had a smile for me, she thought . . . except . . .

While some people chalk up Gendry’s behavior as a result of trauma about what he experienced in the Riverlands, and I don’t deny that is a factor, I don’t believe it’s the only factor because we didn’t see Gendry like this post Harrenhal or even with the Brotherhood in ASOS.  Yes he embodied “ours is the fury” at times and was jealous and bitter, and rude at times as well, but he wasn’t flat out cruel to people, nor filled with rage and vengeance.  The Gendry before Arya was taken would never have led Brienne to Lady Stoneheart for the slaughter after she tried to save everyone in that Inn against Rorge and Biter and co.  We can also see another difference in Gendry:

Lightning cracked to the south as the riders swung down off their horses. For half a heartbeat darkness turned to day. An axe gleamed silvery blue, light shimmered off mail and plate, and beneath the dark hood of the lead rider Brienne glimpsed an iron snout and rows of steel teeth, snarling.

Gendry saw it too. "Him."

While there is no emphasis on the “him” when Gendry sees the Hound’s helm, it’s an abrupt and emotionless statement.  It’s one word without emphasis but it conveys a lot.  Gendry recognizes the Hound’s helm and it’s apparent he’s not happy, thinking that it was indeed the Hound for a minute.  And while I’m trying to avoid discussing symbolism, I just can’t ignore how the lightning that cracked in the south could also be symbolic of Gendry’s true mood.  He is, after all, a bastard Baratheon, connected to the storm, the fury - thunder and lightning - as well as sharing a connection to the god, Thor in our mythology.  This lightning could symbolically be linked to Gendry’s anger and vengeance.  So why does Gendry act like this when he sees who he thinks is the Hound again?  He had no issue with the Hound during his trial by combat, so what changed?  The Hound kidnapped Arya.  And while he knows Arya didn’t die at the Red Wedding, he and the Brotherhood aren’t entirely sure if the Hound sold Arya to the Lannister’s and if she is now Arya Bolton.  So it makes complete sense why he would have issues with the Hound.  In fact I think a lot of this behavior we are seeing from Gendry is the direct result of the Hound kidnapping Arya and not knowing if she’s dead or being brutally raped and tortured in the North.

Why do I think this?  Because this behavior began between Arya being kidnapped in ASOS and Brienne VII AFFC.  Only a few to a handful of months have passed since then.  This, I believe, is the inciting incident.  Another reason why I believe Arya is the reason is because of what he is doing.  He is staying at the Crossroads Inn, one of the last known places Arya was sighted, and he’s helping take care of orphaned children.  Arya took in strays as well and cared for them, like Weasel.  And considering how Gendry in ACOK wanted to leave Weasel and Hot Pie and Lommy behind, it’s interesting to see that he’s helping by taking in strays himself now, as if he thinks he may be able to atone for not saving Arya.  Another reason is because the Brotherhood is actively searching for Arya as well.  She is ever present on their minds.  So yes, I believe part of Gendry’s change has to do with losing Arya, which goes to show how much he really cared about her.  Not to mention (a tiny bit more symbolism, oopsie!), Gendry’s stay at the inn, waiting for Arya to return (I believe Gendry and the BWB are hoping that Arya is alive and will return to the inn) is a romantic aspect to the mythology of Weyland the Smith and his Swan Maiden/Valkyrie, and the aspect about the Brotherhood + Gendry searching the realm for Arya is also a romantic Cinderella motif, hence why I feel Gendry’s behavior here is supposed to have romantic subtext.

*

Extra:  Another interesting aspect that I think foreshadows this future relationship is the meaning of Gendry’s name.  Gendry is a nickname type of surname for a person who has inherited his family estates from his father-in-law, deriving its origin from the Old French word “gendre,” which meant “son-in-law.”  And as we know if Arya and Gendry married when they were older, Arya wouldn’t be taking his name, but he hers, due to her higher status.  So by marrying into the Stark family, he would be inheriting from his father-in-law Ned so to speak, even if it’s just inheriting the surname.

So this is everything I’ve compiled so far about Gendrya, that relies on just their foreshadowing and romantic undertones in the texts we have available but I’m positive I’ll be adding more to this list once TWOW officially releases.  However, I still have a lot more to share that focuses on their symbolism and motifs throughout the story, so I’m definitely not done making Gendrya meta, far from it and I can’t wait to share it with you all!  

And if anyone is interested in Arya’s and by extension Gendrya’s Cinderella motifs, you can find it at this link:  A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes.

[tarosin]

the great adventures of y/n tommy jack and tubbo

requested: yes/no

an: part 4 of the great adventures series

pairing: platonic y/n/tommy/jack/tubbo

warning: cursing

It was the afternoon before your new adventure with your friends. you had no idea what to expect, however everyone else knew even ranboo, and he wasn’t even joining you all. you would be lying if you said you weren’t nervous, especially after hearing some of tommys plans for future uploads. tubbo had been trying to drop hints about what was going to happen. You honestly couldn’t tell if he was excited or nervous, either way you could tell it was going to be a once in a lifetime opportunity and boy were you excited. the sound of knocking pulled you from your thoughts.

“hi y/n! sorry for the unexpected visit, i tried to call you but it wouldn’t go through.”

“oh god sorry, tubbo, my phones on charge upstairs, ive just finished babysitting my friends twitch chat.”

“that’s okay, tommy wanted me to see if you want to stay the night as i can take you with me now. he said something about it saving time tomorrow as jack won’t have to go as far and we can get there earlier, i honestly just think he’s slightly nervous and wants to spend time with someone.”

“i’ve not prepared a bag or anything as i was just planning on grabbing everything i needed in the morning, but i’m down to go with you. i’ll pack a bag real quick, make yourself feel at home. you can stay down here or come upstairs with me.”

tubbo followed you upstairs, and helped you pick which outfits would be the best to wear for the trip. around 10 minutes later you finished packing your bag and turned around to see a very pale tubbo, dropping your bag to the floor you pulled a chair up to your bed sitting opposite him.

“you feeling okay tubs?”

“just nerves, I'll be alright, are you ready to go?”

“ready if you are!”

the journey to tommys was relatively quick, you spent it talking about group plans for when ranboo comes to the uk.

tubbo: almost here!

tommy: yes! want to stream for a bit later, just something small could do laugh and the stream ends. i’ll go talk to my mum now!

•••

tubbo: please open the door

tommy: on it

the pair of you stood at the door waiting for tommy to unlock it

“TUBBO! Y/N I'M GLAD YOU COULD BOTH MAKE IT!”

not too long later, you and tubbo had put everything away and sat with tommy planning out a small stream.

“so i was talking with my parents and we can do an outside stream, and set fire to marshmallows!”

“as much as i love fire tommy i don’t think your parents will appreciate arson in the garden.”

“it’ll be fine now grab a jacket, we need to go walk to the shop.”

the three of you set off determined to get to the shop and back before it got dark, tommy and tubbo walked on either side of you as they want you to feel safe. thankfully the shop was only around the corner so you were all only out for about 20 minutes maximum, you probably could have made it back earlier but you stopped every time you saw a pretty rock.

“y/n come on we still need to stream!”

“did you tweet that you were streaming?”

“no he didn’t.”

“then come and look at this pretty rock!”

tommy and tubbo couldn’t help but laugh at how many rocks you managed to pick up.

•••

“guys i think i’d rather just spend time with you all rather than stream.”

“that’s fine, tommy!!”

the three of you sat around the fire updating one another about plans and opportunitie, coming. the conversation swiftly came to an end when tommy had set fire to a stick claiming it was to make the fire grow. you laughed as you heard his mum yelling at him to stop trying to set you and tubbo on fire.

“sorry about that everyone, but look the fire is big again.”

it got colder as the sun went down, so the three of you sat with a blanket draped over you all. his mum offered to take photos for you and you happily accepted, the pictures looked amazing and you posted it to instagram with the caption ‘i am cold and no one is telling me what’s happening tomorrow.’

it was around 11pm when the three of you agreed it was time to go back inside and sleep.

•••

you and tubbo stayed downstairs and tommy stayed in his room. the sound of tubbos alarm woke the pair of you up.

“turn that fucking thing off!”

“this is the fourth time it’s gone off and you’re still not up?”

“that’s because i’m tired.”

“please get ready jack will be here soon enough.”

realisation finally hit today was the day you were finally about to find out what this once in a lifetime opportunity was. tubbo advised you to wear sensible clothing and not wear the zodiac necklace you always wore, so you decided to wear the hoodie ranboo sent you a week ago and leggings.

“y/n you might wanna tie your hair up.”

“tubbo are you sure you’re feeling okay? you genuinely look ill."

“i’m fine.”

jack: right i’m outside so whenever you’re ready

lani: we’re making our own way later on as the hotel we stayed at is closer

y/n: will someone tell me what we’re doing

ranboo: no

y/n: you’re not even joining us how did you get in the gc

ranboo: magic

y/n: fuck off give me a clue

ranboo: i’ve said it since you dyed your hair neon f/c you’d be able to see from way up in the sky

y/n: what the actual hell is that supposed to mean

•••

soon enough you met up with everyone else and lani started recording.

“we’re skydiving, you ready tubbo?”

“WERE DOING WHAT? HOLY SHIT!”

you honestly couldn’t wait to do this. it was something you had wanted to do for a while, tubbo on the other hand clearly didn’t agree, which was evident through his whining.

you stood with tommy laughing as tubbo sat alone questioning why he agreed to this.

“look at him.”

“he’s is not happy.”

you sat next to jack and tubbo watching the video demonstrating what you will all be doing soon. you let out a nervous laugh, as although you were excited, you couldn’t help but be a bit nervous.

“you could fall into the engine and get chopped up.”

“tommy stop scaring tubbo!”

“what if the parachute doesn’t work?”

“free fall to your death.”

“y/n you’re not helping!”

you stood recording tubbo laying on the floor once again whining.

“tubbo there are so many people behind you!”

“i’m sure the parachute won’t fail tubbo, but if it does it was lovely knowing you!”

“uuuuuuugh!”

“i fully agree bo.”

soon enough you tommy and jack joined tubbo on the floor.

“look at the clouds.”

“we’re going to be in them soon.”

“hell yeah!”

“ughhhh!”

you tried not to laugh trying to calm tubbo down a bit before you all jumped out a plane, which worked until you left him alone with tommy whilst you spoke to jack for a while.

“to be fair that looks quite fun.”

“and dangerous!”

“STOP!”

“well sounds like tubbos thrilled to be here.”

the four of you sat on a bench talking about what’s going to happen, and laughing at tubbos nerves trying to make light of the situation.

“look it’ll be fun, tubbo, provided we don’t die there’s a chance we’ll be in more vlogs.. okay so ignore the black cloud of smoke!”

“that’s not a good omen.”

“shut up!”

you wrapped an arm around tubbo trying to make him feel comfortable and reassure him it’ll be fine, only to be interrupted by jack and tommy bickering about eating before jumping from the plane.

•••

the four of you went to the briefing, at this point you were struggling to contain your excitement, and couldn’t help but laugh out of pure joy.

“no, they are listening, they're just excited.”

after doing training for the jump, you stood with tommy whilst someone questioned him about how he got 9 million subs.

“I just went around being incredibly cool.. doing minecraft.”

you and jack burst out laughing whilst tommy went on to make jokes about how much money he was earning.

•••

it was now almost time to jump out a plane. it was around now nerves were kicking in, so you all went around messing about till you were told it’s time to make your way to get ready.

“let’s go gamers!”

•••

“are you a skydiver enjoyer?”

“i am.”

“well that’s always good... please, don’t let me die!”

“y/n are you scared?”

“no, my ranboo merch will protect me, but if i die can we blame tommy for coming up with this?”

“ranboos not going to believe that you’re wearing the jumper he sent you to jump out a plane.”

a few minutes later you over heard a worker say they’re nervous causing you to tilt your head and blink again, trying to process what was said.

“heh???”

it was now time for the four of you to put the equipment on, so you were ready to jump. jack started talking a lot more than usual at a quicker pace due to the fact he was getting nervous. tommy pointed it out and jack trying to argue he wasn’t made you laugh.

“y/n keeps making a lot of jokes about my parachute being shit.”

“sorry manifold should be fine...more than likely...hopefully. only time will tell really.”

“how you doing buddy?”

“i’m feeling okay. i feel my insides doing inside bits.”

“wonderful!”

you were now all waiting to go as a worker jokes about forgetting something.

“y/n you’re going with him!”

“okay, but why?”

“well you said your ranboo merch will protect you..”

someone went by going rather fast causing you to stare in awe.

“we don’t go that fast, do we?”

“no not unless something goes terribly wrong.”

you all stood there laughing.

“stoppppp!”

“y/n, i’m now thinking you should go with them instead!”

“are you trying to kill me off jack?”

•••

you all set off towards the plane, a mixture of excitement and nerves began kicking in.

“tubbos on a lead.”

“oh i’m really nervous jack.”

“look at y/n!”

lani began to record you, who was now way ahead of the others, so you stopped and waved at lani.

“BYE LANI! HOPEFULLY ILL SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE!”

the others caught up and everyone had their equipment checked again.

“oh dear.. should be fine.”

“i’m alright, don’t worry my ranboo merch will protect us!” you got on first and that when you realised they set you up, so you jumped last as you were more confident and tubbo was jumping first so he could get it out the way.

you all sat on the plane and waved at the camera.

“hi there!”

“hello!”

“hi!”

“please don’t let us die!”

“we’re really jumping out a plane with a dream stan.”

“this is the highest we’ve ever been.”

“gamers in a plane whatever will they do...hopefully not die!”

“Y/N!”

“sorry tubbo!”

you were currently at 2,000 feet and sat looking out the window waiting to reach 14,000 feet. jack turned to you and tommy, “i can’t believe you’re jumping out the plane in philza merch and y/ns jumping out in ranboo merch.”

“if i die at least ill look great doing it.”

12,000 feet later it was now tubbos turn to jump, he looked back at you all.

“YOU GOT THIS TUBBO!!”

you watched as tubbo went.

“GOOD LUCK TOMMY!”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN GOOD LUCK? Y/N?”

“BYEEEEE!”

you laughed as tommy went.

“see you later jack!”

you gave jack a high-five and watched as he went.

“holy shit they actually did it!”

“are you ready, y/n?”

“hell yeah, let’s do this!”

you laughed as you jumped, you couldn’t believe you actually got to jump out of a plane, you waved at camera.

lani met the others as they landed and began telling them about it.

“wait where’s y/n?”

“there they are!”

“Y/N!”

the others ran up to you as you landed.

“i’m glad you didn’t die!”

“thanks jack!”

•••

“would you all do it again?”

“yeah.”

“no.”

“maybe, i’m not sure.”

“i reckon so.”

not too long later, you were all given certificates to celebrate the fact you had jumped out a plane.

“yay it made nearly dying worth it!”

“you’re so dramatic!”

•••

you thought the day was over and that you were going home, little did you know that wasn’t the case.

“were not done for the day.”

“what?”

“heh?”

“you’re tilting your head again.”

“i know it’s because i’m confused!”

“anyway, what do you mean we’re not done?”

“you know george, he’s arrived!”

“gogy!”

“GOGY!”

“can i have a nap in the car please? i’m so exhausted."

taglist:

@l0ver0fj0y

[dinosaurtsukki]

dating the port mafia’s medic

a/n: basically headcanons of port mafia members dating one of the organization’s medics who happen to be you. i just thought this would be cute and i’m craving fluff. also these are,,, really long.

feat. akutagawa, chuuya, and odasaku

akutagawa ryuunosuke:

you were the doctor that mori specifically assigned to him to help with his lung condition

even though akutagawa was supposed to have regular, weekly sessions he’d only come in like,, twice a month and that was after you texted mori that he hasn’t been visiting you

akutagawa isn’t all too comfortable with the fact that he has to take off his shirt so that you could put him in an x-ray gown or when you need to listen to his breathing with a stethoscope

but you’re incredibly patient with him and also the pay is good so you persist

at one point during one of your sessions, akutagawa grumbles about having to come to the clinic when he just wants to live long enough to make dazai proud

and you’re like ‘is that so?’

“personally, i’d feel kind of sad if you had to die so early”

that kind of gets akutagawa thinking. he can tell by the way you said it that you had no ulterior motives behind it

akutagawa: but,,, i'm your most troublesome patient

you: oh my god you think you're troublesome ??

you start to rant abt all the patients you had to treat before who didn't believe in vaccines or got their elbows stuck in weird places

akutagawa finds your stories really entertaining so he ends up enjoying and willingly going to his sessions with you

after that first fight with atsushi, you ended up taking care of akutagawa and patching up his body 

literal days of you just being at his bedside, worrying and hoping that he'll wake up and then you suddenly realize that maybe you have feelings for him

when akutagawa regains consciousness, he finds that he doesn't entirely hate the situation he's in because he gets to see you more often

he likes listening to more of your stories while you sit at his bedside. eventually he opens up with stories of his own (most of them are abt his missions so yeah)

akutagawa begins visiting your clinic more and one day he comes in even though he doesn't have a session and then agonizes over why the heck he did that

good guy senpai chuuya is basically all 'idk are you in love or something?'

to akutagawa it's utterly unacceptable and he hides his feelings for so long until you're the one who decides to confess to him

and to your surprise, he hesitantly asks if maybe you two would like to be in a relationship

you two are awkward about it at first. akutagawa doesn't really know if drinking tea at your clinic could be considered a 'date' but he does like these moments

both of you have pretty hectic schedules since m your patients are also mafia members and you have to be on-call all the time but akutagawa is really understanding

he likes seeing you in casual clothes but he also thinks you look good in a labcoat (he probably borrowed it when you were not looking to try it on)

because akutagawa has grown quite accustomed to your touch and initiates holding hands with you (in private ofc)

he's still not used to the idea of you taking care of him not just as a doctor but as his s/o but it makes a nice change for once

chuuya nakahara:

the first time he met you was after a mission when he was taking one of his subordinates to the emergency room of the infirmary

you were the doctor on-duty that night and the first time chuuya laid his eyes on you he was like 'damn'

who knew the mafia doctors were this hot amirite

ofc you were also kind of starstruck to see mafia executive chuuya nakahara in the emergency room but you had a job to do and a man was losing blood

you: what's his type?

chuuya: uh,, h/c hair, beautiful eyes, labcoat...

you: i mean... his blood type

chuuya's got it bad. after that night he couldn't stop thinking about that cute medic aka you

but he didn't even know what your shifts were so he LOOKS FOR YOUR CASE FILE IN THE RECORDS

it's like he's gonna commit a murder or something but no he's looking for information on you

the guy’s pretty impressed when he looks at your resume and definitely sees why you were hired to be a doctor at the mafia but that only makes him want to see you more

but questions is, how does he make it look like he was just ‘passing by the infirmary’ and not that he’s actively looking for you

tsundere boy is tsundere

because chuuya almost NEVER gets injured in fights and he’s got a reputation for that and now does he get himself injured on purpose just to see you?

well, the opportunity presents itself in the form of him and dazai fighting cthulhu aka lovecraft but we all know its cthulhu 

chuuya wakes up on a hospital bed to you checking in on him and he almost falls off the bed in shock

but then after he gets his bearings he realizes what an IDEAL SITUATION THIS IS

although it’s kind of hard to flirt with someone when you’re in a hospital gown with an IV infusion stuck to his arm

nonetheless, he finally decides to ask you out after his last day of treatment and you’re shocked of course but agree

although your first date ends up being rain-checked because a patient comes in a new mission for chuuya comes up

actually almost all your dates get rain-checked until after a mission, chuuya decides to visit your clinic with a bouquet of flowers just when you get off your shift

chuuya: are... you free?

you: yeah. are... you free?

both of you are too tired for a fancy restaurant date so you two end up at a cozy bar to share a drink

chuuya loves listening to your stories and talking to you. he literally has his chin on his hands listening to how you made a makeshift tourniquet out of your labcoat while you were on the field

both of you are really busy people but chuuya likes to stop by your clinic once in a while

you always have fresh flowers on your table because chuuya brings them for you

sometimes he’ll come home to you already tired and passed out 

oda sakunosuke:

the first time he met you was after a particularly rough mission and you were luckily there at the emergency room to treat him 

this guy had a concussion and needed stitches asap but instead he was asking you to treat his companions first 

you quickly treated him and let him rest and of course the first thing he asks when he wakes up is how everyone else is doing

your intrigued of course because you’ve never met a mafia member who was like him 

the second time you met him, odasaku actually brought someone from the enemy faction along because he didn’t think that leaving him to die was the right choice

he didn’t know if you would treat them because you were loyal to the mafia but you also had your own moral code as a doctor to treat patients no matter who they were

odasaku stuck around the emergency room knowing that it was going to take you hours to treat the man and when you come out, you’re surprised to see him there with a cup of coffee

the two of you end up sitting in the hallway and talking about all sorts of things. you love listening to how odasaku stopped killing so that he can fulfill his dream of being a writer

he on the other hand loves hearing about how you went through the hell that was med school because you were dedicated to saving lives

maybe odasaku doesn’t mind getting injured so much because that means he gets to see you but also you can’t help but feel worried about him

one time, one of the odasaku’s adopted kids gets really sick and the first person he ends up calling is you because he has no idea what to do 

to his relief, you show up right at the curry restaurant and are very much ready to help

odasaku admires how good you are with kids. even though they just met you, they’ve already taken a liking to your calm, sweet presence

you even pull out your stethoscope and let them take turns listening to each other’s heartbeats

until a kid walks up to oda to check his heartbeat and is like ‘uh,,, your heart is beating really fast’

cue all the kids singing “ODA LOVES Y/N, ODA LOVES Y/N”

you look up at oda and he doesn’t look away and now you know

after that day, oda asks if you would like to maybe have a drink with him or visit a cafe and you say that you would love to

odasaku loves to drop by your clinic because he’s such a caring boyfriend and he knows how stressed you are from your work

he even comes by in the morning to bring you your coffee and he memorizes your order

▸ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ◂

taglist (check out my post for details on being part of my taglist): @waitforitillwritemywayout @atsumu-brainrot​ @laure-chan @goodfoodxoxoxo ​ @guardianangelswings @ah-kaashi​

[animereaderinsertwriter]

Of Rats and Men (Levi x Reader)

Part IV: Blow

part I here

part II here

part III here

ao3 link here

Excerpt: "Tomorrow, they would get up, (Y/N) would pack her things, and they would pretend none of this had ever happened. They would each go to work, and when— not if, they too often worked too closely together for that— they saw each other in their discharge of their duties, then they would greet one another cordially and act as though they were nothing more than casual acquaintances. They had done it many times before, but now— now there was finality to the act that had not been present before. This was truly the last time they would be together like this."

Description: This is a tale of Staff Sergeant Levi Ackerman and ADA!Reader, and how they desperately try to convince themselves and everyone else that they aren't in love (and, of course, they fail miserably) while trying to take down the biggest crime syndicate in Shiganshina: the Marley family. Also, there are songs involved in the chapter titles.

Warnings: Smut, angst, Cop!AU, Happy ending, conflict of interest, MINORS DNI, non-graphic violence

“How do I look?”

The bass from the club was so loud that Eren could barely hear, but when (Y/N) turned a three-sixty with a wicked grin, he gathered all he needed to know.

“You look sleazy,” he replied with a smirk and a wink. “Not like an ADA at all.”

It was true; with her skin-tight black romper and whatever the silver, lacy over-garment she wore was, (Y/N) could have passed for a teenager; with her smudged red lipstick and hair that had been fluffed, mussed, and teased all to hell, she could have passed for someone who’d run from vice cops. Pretty leather gloved graced her fingers, and altogether, she looked like the kind of hot mess Jean Kirschtein would bring home for a one night stand and insist that “he could fix her” to Connie and Sasha, who would laugh him out of the fucking room.

“Good,” (Y/N) replied. “Are you ready?”

Eren nodded. He’d been ready for a long time now. In fact, he’d almost thought this day would never come, but three months ago, he’d come to (Y/N) in Levi’s hospital room, stricken, desperate, at the end of his rope, and she had offered herself up as a pawn in his game to provide him a way out.

“As long as they still don’t know you’re the rat, we have a chance,” she’d told him later that day over a cup of coffee, her eyes shining with a thirst for vengeance that matched his own. “I want Marley to suffer for what they did to Levi.”

Three long months later, and here they were, ready for their final move. Eren had called for backup about fifteen minutes ago, and unmarked cop cars would be surrounding the location he’d given them by the time he and (Y/N) made it there and went under for the last time.

“I’ll be with you every step of the way,” Eren told her, slinging his arm over her shoulder the way he would a drunken friend that he meant to escort out of the club. “Just keep your cool, and everything will go smoothly.”

(Y/N) nodded, her face brave. “I will. I want this to be over.”

Eren couldn’t help but agree. If they survived this and Levi didn’t decide to kill him anyway, he’d finally be a free man.

“Let’s get going then,” he replied. “You’ve got some gambling to do.”

***

Levi was going to kill her. (Y/N) knew he was. That was the thought that kept her going as she placed another bet; she was going to die either way, so she had nothing to fear, and she may as well take Marley with her as she went.

The plan, in essence, was simple; she’d been visiting the same gambling den for the last three months and using her naturally horrific luck to rack up debts beyond imagining under a fake name. All she had to do was miss enough payments (one was due tonight— coincidentally, it was the magic number of payments that warranted a personal visit from Theo Magath if a pretty woman was involved) and Magath would come to her, ready to take her away and offer her an… alternative form of payment.

“Bad luck today, Missey,” said the dealer with an almost pitying expression. “Sure you don’t wanna pull out now?”

(Y/N) shook her head with a smile.

“Course not,” she replied, crossing her legs. “It always gets worse before it gets better.”

Another ten minutes went by, and (Y/N) was worried that Magath wouldn’t come tonight after all, but a short while later, those fears were assuaged, only to be replaced by new ones.

“Hey little lady,” said a gruff voice from behind her. There was a pause, and then the voice spoke once more, saying to the dealer, “She folds, Terrence.”

(Y/N) felt a shiver run down her spine as a shadow was cast over the table she was seated at. She turned to see Theo Magath standing over her with a sinister expression. She tried for a smile, but she didn’t have to fake the fear that derailed the expression when Magath’s hand touched the bare skin of her shoulder.

“Can I help you?” she asked, blinking innocently.

“As a matter of fact, you’re the one in need of help, miss,” said Magath, a nasty grin slicing his face. “You’re overdue for a couple payments now, and I’m trying hard not to take it personal.”

“Oh, no, sir, I’ll get you your money,” she insisted, her eyes widening in feigned panic. “I swear I will, I’ve just hit a slump recently and—”

“And I want my money now,” Magath finished, his eyes raking up and down her form. “If you don’t have it, well, you’ll have to work off your debt.”

(Y/N) cocked her head to the side, externally nonplussed but internally thrilled— the trap had been sprung, but not for a mouse! This was a cat-trap, and Magath was playing right into her hands.

“What kind of work?”

Magath’s eyes turned hungry, and he said, “Oh, you’re a green one, that's for sure. Come with me, and I’ll show you what kind of work you’ll be doing.”

Magath led (Y/N) deep into the gambling den, down a flight of stairs and into what should have been a storage room, but was actually a command center, filled with live security footage and various stacks of paperwork. Eren had described this room in detail, and as (Y/N) followed Magath to a big chair in the center of the room, she had to fight a grin at how close they were to where Eren had planted a bug.

Magath took a seat in the chair, looking up at her with a sickening leer. (Y/N) made it a point not to react; this was the most delicate part of the plan, and she couldn't afford any mistakes.

"Kneel," Magath told her, but (Y/N) only cocked her head to the side with a curious expression.

Magath repeated himself, and (Y/N) asked why.

"Do you know who the fuck I am?" he demanded, his knuckles going white as he gripped the armrest of the chair.

"No, not really," (Y/N) shrugged.

"I'm Theo fucking Magath," he growled, and (Y/N) didn't even let him finish before she started laughing, an all-out girlish giggle that had Magath stunned.

"You?" she laughed, her cheeks stretching with the motion. "Come on, pull the other one, sweetie."

Magath reddened, enraged, and he stood to tower over (Y/N), his nose close enough to touch hers.

"I am Theo Magath, you stupid whore!"

"Ooh, role-play," (Y/N) grinned, tapping his nose with her index finger. "I can get behind that, baby."

Magath took her by the throat, but (Y/N) still maintained her smile.

"You ignorant bitch!" He shook her a bit, then tightened his grip on her throat. "I'm a fucking mass murderer, I've killed hundreds!"

"Yeah?" (Y/N) gurgled out, still trying to laugh despite her predicament. "Like who?"

"Like that fucking ADA that died in the car bombing!" He exclaimed. "Like the fucking moron suburbans in the Stohess district! My reach extends to this whole nation—"

"Pfft, okay," (Y/N) smirked, though she wanted to kill him. "You trying to compensate for something there, buddy?"

"I have more money than anyone in the fucking business!" He screamed, livid, uncontrollable. "I run the drug trade, I control every pimp, every petty thief in this entire city! This whole world is mine, you dumb slut!"

Just when (Y/N) was about to get worried, the door to the room slammed open, and Zeke Jaeger burst in, his eyes wild and his face flushed.

"Don't say another word!" Zeke commanded, advancing swiftly, "That woman is a—"

Before he could finish, (Y/N) drew the gun that she'd taped between her breasts and double-tapped, hitting him square in the face. For effect, she screamed bloody murder as she pistol-whipped Magath and wiped the gun down before closing Magath's fist around it, effectively ensuring his prints would be on it, and within seconds, police burst through the door to find her choking, with her hand to her neck.

"Magath killed him!" she exclaimed, pointing to Zeke with tears in her eyes. "He shot him right in front of me!'

In moments, Eren was in front of her, helping her to her feet. It was all (Y/N) could do not to smile as he threw his arm around her once more to escort her out, but she did allow herself one small pleasure.

"It's over," she murmured to him as she leaned into his side. "You're a free man."

"Thanks to you," said Eren with a grin he didn't bother to hide. "I knew that if anyone could piss a man off enough to spill his guts and then some, it would be you."

(Y/N) chuckled, then grimaced.

"Speaking of which," she sighed, "How's Levi?"

Eren scratched the back of his head, averting his eyes.

"Given that he's been spam-calling me for the last ten minutes, I'd say he's in a fine Ackerman fit of temper."

"That's what I thought. Do you think he's waiting on us at the precinct?"

"Oh, most definitely. I'd say he's there and chewing on his stapler right about now."

(Y/N) laughed, tickled by the image of her lover munching on office supplies, but when she saw that Eren's expression stayed deadly serious, she swallowed thickly and hoped that there would be something left of her for Internal Affairs to interrogate when Levi got done with her.

***

At the precinct, Levi was seriously considering taking a bite out of his stapler to keep from taking a chunk of meat out of his own hand. He was so angry, absolutely fucking furious with (Y/N) for not telling him what she was up to, but beneath that, worry rose in him like a tsunami, towering and terrifying.

I'm going to kill her, he thought, pacing like a caged tiger. I'm going to kiss her and bend her over the desk in my office first, but I'm going to fucking kill her for this.

Even so, when she finally walked into the precinct looking like she'd been at a rave all night, the only thing Levi could think to do was run to her, catching her in his arms and holding her there for a long time before pulling her away and pressing his lips to hers, not caring if God himself was there to see it. She kissed him back eagerly, and only the wolf whistles that rang out all around the room made Levi pull away to glare at his coworkers.

"Looks like someone needs to file paperwork with HR," Connie Springer joked, his thumbs hooked through the shoulders of his vest.

"Shut the fuck up," said Levi fondly, and everyone else laughed.

"So I take it you're not mad?"

(Y/N) looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes above a mischievous smile, and Levi tch-ed.

"Oh, I'm furious," he told her, "But I'm glad you're alive."

At that, (Y/N) grinned. "Excellent. All part of my plan."

"I'm sure." Across the room, Levi spotted Eren, and his expression darkened. "Wait for me in my office— I need to deal with something, then we'll talk."

As if she could read his mind, (Y/N)'s eyes softened, and she said,

"Don't hurt him. It isn't his fault, I agreed with everything—"

"Go," said Levi gently, brushing hair from her face. "I'll play nice."

Unconvinced, (Y/N) headed off to his office with a wary look, and Levi approached Eren with anger simmering under his skin.

"Hey Sarge," said Eren, trying his best to appear nonchalant, though his body language was screaming. "It's good to be back here. It's just like—"

Levi punched him— hard. Eren was staggered, but when he regained his balance, he was smiling.

"Just like old times," he finished, opening his arms. "Bring it in, Sarge."

Hugging wasn't exactly Levi's style, but he embraced Eren anyway, pulling the brat close to his chest.

"I'm proud of you," he said as they parted, placing a hand on Eren's shoulder. "You did a great job."

Eren smiled and started to thank him, but Levi stopped him with a look.

"But," Levi continued, his grip on Eren's shoulder tightening, "If you ever endanger (Y/N) like that again, I'll make that punch look like a love-tap."

Eren never lost his grin, saluting Levi with two fingers.

"Sure thing," he replied, happy as a lark. "I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got a hot date tonight."

Me too, Levi thought, but he only nodded, dismissing Eren with that simple gesture before heading to his office, his body already eagerly anticipating what he would find there.

As Levi stepped into his office, he softly locked the door behind him, ensuring that he wouldn't be interrupted. The blinds were closed over its glass walls, but even so, Levi felt strangely visible as he walked over to his desk where (Y/N) sat with her ass on his chair and her feet on his paperwork. She was so beautiful, he thought, even more beautiful than she was infuriating, and she was more infuriating than anyone else he'd ever met. Even with his newly-mangled vision, he could not fail to recognize (Y/N) for the masterpiece she was.

"Hey there," she grinned, putting her hands behind her head. "Nice place you got here."

Levi didn't reply. He only leaned down to kiss her, stealing all the air from her lungs; in return, (Y/N) grabbed him by his tie, pulling him even closer as it cinched around his neck.

"I want to suck your cock," she told him plainly as her free hand drifted to his belt. "Please, Levi, I want to taste you."

Levi groaned. A blowjob hadn't been part of his plan— in fact, he hadn't supposed either of them would last long enough for that sort of foolery— but he was powerless to resist the woman he loved. He let her pull and tug at his pants until they were bunched around his thighs, and when he was freed from his boxers, (Y/N) moaned as the head of his cock hit her tongue. Slowly, she drew him in, her lips closing tightly over him to suck first at his head, then further down, and back again. Gently, he threaded fingers through her hair with every intention to be tender, but when she gripped the base of him and sucked hard on his cockhead, his hand tightened into a fist, pulling her hair at the scalp.

"Fuck, baby," he hissed, his cock twitching as she pressed her tongue to his slit. "You're so pretty like this"— she really, really was, it was almost too much— "my dick in your mouth, your lips so pretty around me. That's it, suck me, fuck."

(Y/N) pulled away with a smug expression, and when she spat crudely into her palm, Levi threw his head back preemptively, his body convulsing at the memory-sensation of what was to come.

"You might say I'm pretty," (Y/N) murmured from between his legs, her nose nudging against his sac as her hand closed around his cock, "But you take the cake."

Levi didn't understand what was supposed to be pretty about a hard, leaking, flushed cock, but he didn't have the time or the blood flow to ask before (Y/N)'s mouth descended on his balls, sucking them into her mouth as her hand worked him, base to tip, over and over again.

It took an embarrassingly short time before Levi was ready to come, but when he voiced his concerns, (Y/N) stopped touching him entirely.

"Your turn," she said with a grin, maneuvering around him so that she could sit on his desk, her legs spread. "Help me out of this contraption, will you?"

It took a few moments of awkward scrambling before they could get that blasted rat-trap of a garment off of (Y/N), but once they managed it, Levi remembered what was so worth the wait. Hungrily, he licked and sucked at one of her perfect nipples while rolling the other between his fingers, and without his permission, his body began to move, rutting his hips so that his cock dragged along her sex over and over again, gathering a messy wetness between them.

"I love you," (Y/N) told him, breathless and shaking with her want as he worshipped her breasts. "Oh, Levi—"

He moved lower, planting kisses down her stomach and to her sex, where he buried his face, flicking her clit with his tongue before capturing it with his lips. As he worked his mouth, his fingers, too, were busy— he thrust them inside her over and over, tearing moans from her as she squirmed beneath him, her thighs coming up to rest around his ears.

"Are you ready?" he asked her, coming up for air with a wet chin and hungry eyes. "I want you, baby."

"Please," she gasped, her hips bucking up, subconsciously presenting her pretty pussy to him for the taking. "Please, Levi—"

She didn't need to say anything else. Levi readjusted them, turning her over so that she was on hands and knees across his desk, and he pushed into her in one smooth motion that left them both gasping.

"Oh, that's my girl," he said against the flesh of her neck just beneath her ear as he felt her walls contract around him. "So good for me, you feel so fucking good."

The whole length of their bodies were touching— his face was pressed to her neck, his chest to her back— and Levi had never felt so intimate with someone before in his life. He thrust and thrust inside her, drawing out sweet sounds from his lover; he grunted as he moved against her, his hands coming around to grip her breasts and pull her even closer.

"Beautiful," he praised, his teeth scraping her earlobe. "I'm close, baby."

"Me too," she replied, her body shaking beneath him. "Oh God, me too."

A few moments later, Levi reached around to find her clit, determined to at least try to get her to come before he blew his load, and was met with results he hadn't dared to hope for; the moment he touched her, she came, and he was close to follow, pumping once, twice, three more times before he orgasmed, spilling himself inside her.

"Well, this is gonna be a mess to explain to HR," he said, glancing down at his ruined paperwork as he guided (Y/N) gently off the desk and into his arms.

"You're not gonna tell them about this, are you?"

(Y/N)'s face was panicked, and almost embarrassed, and Levi chuckled, realizing that she hadn't understood his meaning.

"No, no," he told her, gesturing to the paperwork that was now crumpled and a little damp. "It was supposed to be a surprise— I wanted to talk to you about coming clean to HR and planning out a transfer for me to a different unit, but now—"

He made a face, slightly disgusted at the mess they'd made, and (Y/N) laughed until she couldn't breathe.

"Oh my God, you goofball," she giggled, giddy with excitement. "You really wanna go official with this?"

Levi nodded. He'd thought long and hard about everything, and he knew what he wanted to do.

"I want to be with you," he said, taking her hand. "I was going to have to switch jobs anyway because of my injuries, but now that I'm resigned to that I figured that I may as well be with the woman I want to spend my life with. What do you say?"

(Y/N) looked up at him with shining eyes, and said, "Whatever you want, Levi. You should know by now that I'll take whatever you can give me. I love you now as much as I ever have, and I'll love you tomorrow even more than that."

Levi supposed he had known that, but the pleasure of hearing it directly from her lips was unparalleled. He gathered (Y/N) in his arms, both of them sweaty, sticky, and disgusting, and he said to her,

"From now on, it's about us, none of that either/or shit. I realize now that you're the most important thing in my life; without you, being a cop— being a man— means nothing at all. As long as you'll have me, I'm yours."

"Even if I'm impossible?" asked (Y/N), her expression cheeky.

"Especially if you're impossible. You hardly know any other way to be, brat."

Thus, after dressing and straightening up a bit, Levi said farewell to his old office for the evening— and, despite himself, he began to look forward to saying farewell to it permanently. After all, when one door closes, another must open; and, if he was being honest, any door with (Y/N) behind it was where he belonged.

[ravysu]

Sannin headcanons and thoughts

The last thing I would like to post for the sannin week. It is still 24.04 here! :D @sannin-central

This is long. Spoiler alert. Mostly Orochimaru, some Tsunade, a little of Jiraiya (because his story is pretty clear and spoken and idk what I can add). Also I recommend to read this meta about Orochimaru, it has influenced me a lot and has some good points. Sorry for any posible grammar mistakes. Also I really should put here a lot of references to the manga or anime but it was something that was piling up for a year and I'm soooooooo lazy. After all, those are just headcanons. Also: Im not excusing Oro's bad stuff here, Im trying to understand the reasons.

Ive already posted some hcs, here, here and here.

1. First if all, the chronology pic of sannin lifetime based on the info i found on naruto wiki and also some statements about wars from this post. It was tough considering what a mess naruto’s chronology is.

2. Sannin story shows what it cost to be a legend. They're like Team 7 but more realistic. Tsunade literally carried the war but left with nothing and developed a ptsd and have problems to just live on. Also anger control issues. I think she can be pretty bossy and stubborn which is not always nice. Jiraiya is the hero of the day but also very idealistic and can ignore some important details in the real word whether its the fight (he always injured during flashbacks maybe because each time he took too much to handle and on the one hand it's heroistic but on the other is a mistake that can lead your team to situations like in that Iwa cave) or your friends issues (I bet he saw what's going on but thought it's fine until Oro actually got red handed and left). He lives in his world and may have problems to get out to see it through someone else's shoes. As for Orochimaru, it seems like he was a normal guy for 20+ years (I mean, he didn't do crazy criminal shit and had something good in him and it was stated somewhere that it was his teammates influence. It is obvious they considered him as a friend, I don't thinks it was for nothing) but we mostly know his darkest side. Despite being a moster he is a human that have empathy and some ordinary human traits (man just decorates every bit of an environment he is in lol).

3. Tsunade was the leader of team Hiruzen.

4. Tsunade sometimes hit Jiraiya for some stupid things he did or said but never touches Orochimaru even if he did something same. Jiraiya complained about it once and almost got another hit.

5. Jiraiya had problematic parents that didn't care about him much and a lot of time he was wandering in the streets.

6. Judging by the look of Oro bangs and hair, he sometimes cut it off. A stress relief huh? And the fact that he doesn't do it now in Boruto..

7. It was shown that Tsunade and Orochimaru was acknowledged before they become a team. Maybe they did just before, or maybe some longer time before. I prefer the second option and hc that they met because both had no real friends - Orochimaru seemed weird and scary for everyone and Tsunade was Senju so everyone wanted to hang out with her but didn't really care. They weren't seen as what they were - people put the labels on them. But they didn't care about each other's labels and actually saw each other in true lights.

8. Tsunade knew it was an accident and it's not right but still she blamed Orochimaru for Nawaki's death for some time. It was something that seriously damaged their friendship and the team. Orochimaru was mad but also guilty, after all, he was responsible at least as a shinobi since Nawaki was under his watch. So he started to act cold and emotionless and was trying to distance himself from his teammates.

9. Jiraiya was in Ame while Dan died.

10. The whole his orphans mission was a bit irresponsible tbh. They already fought Hanzo and as he stated the conflict between Konoha and Ame is going to an end with Konoha's win. It's weird to stay here for three years in the middle of the war while there were other lands to fight. He left his teammates for some idea. Maybe that caused another crack in their team friendship.

11. If Tsunade would have find a way to live on with her trauma and follow the will of fire and stuff it would affect Orochimaru as well just as her grief affected him. It's like he would get an example that you can live on with this pain. So death isn't above human capability and we are not just the slaves of mortality (sounds stupid but i dont know how else to describe sorry). But as we know what he actually saw is that it broke her crucially to the point she couldnt be herself again. And so the death is above everything.

12. Oro wasn’t just acting as a cold pragmatic bitch in that cave but also tried to save Tsunade. Jiraiya knew it and that’s why he showed this sign to him like "I see what youre doing here" and that stunned Oro because he would prefer to look rather like a cold pragmatic bitch hehe

13. Just a thought. People in the village probably treated Oro as a foreigner or just wouldnt accept him because he looked so differently and had a weird attitude. That's why he sometimes didn't feel that Konoha is his home. After the wars where people were treated as means and tools, even the children, he himself developed this view on people - he dehumanized them and used as the means to his goals, just as his village did. Funny thing some people were straightly dehumanizing him too like Ibiki thought that he was a demon (tho he was a child). And he probably weren't the only one. Anyways the point is that it's logical that Orochimaru don't care about anybody but some few people, he's the product of his era. He's like Naruto that would chose the hatred way. But naruto had some good and understanding people around him and.. Orochimaru had them too, but match how Iruka treated Naruto and this Hiruzen's "I sAw tHe mAliCe in This cHiLd fRoM tHe BegGinNinG". And oro didn't even have a big ass evil fox in him. sry i hate hiruzen

ANYWAYS the moral of the story is not "go criminal if they hurt you" but always treat people like people. Waving my hand to Kant.

14. The reason why Orochimaru didn't pick some good morals to stick with through the hard times no matter what (like, idk, Jiraiya or Naruto) is because 1) I think he is/was pretty depending on people around him 2) the war fucked him and his friends up too much (Nawaki incident + Tsunade) 3) twisted addictions (though I don't think he's that sadistic, we never saw him torturing randoms just for fun, it was always some science experimental shit. He tends to get fun out of cruelty only when it's personal) that maybe developed as a way to sublimate anger and sadness caused by his parents loss (that's what they share with sasuke - unlicke naruto, they knew their parents and it's other kind of pain. Sasuke developed a revenge issue and Orochimaru - cruelty pleasure which... is kinda the same but less epic and more occasional lol).

15. Speaking of that, Orochimaru cared for Sasuke because he saw himself in him.

16. Oro hold grudges against Hiruzen for not choosing him to be Hokage not only because he was ambitious and/or egoistic, but also because Hiruzen was some kind of a father figure for him and his approval was important tho i doubt he was aware of that. He also probably could tell that Hiruzen was suspicios about him when he was a child and that led to many conflicts and was hurting as well.

17. Tsunade knew things weren't pretty with Orochimaru after the wars but she never expected them to be this bad. During the week that she was given in her arc she thought not only about how much she wants to see Nawaki and Dan again despite how wrong would it be but also was trying to bury all the good memories she had left of Orochimaru so it would be easier to kill him.

18. She poisoned Jiraiya exactly because she knew he would not let her do it. Jiraiya was always hesitant to kill and inclined to forgiveness, while Tsunade, as mentioned by Orochimaru, could be merciless (so much so that he was not surprised when Kabuto suggested that she wanted to use Jira for Edo Tensei).

19. That was one of her traits that scared Jiraiya and fascinated Orochimaru.

20. Remember how Oro grabbed Jiraiya's neck when the latter was trying to cover with hair jutsu? On the snake, in Tsnade's arc. Orochimaru could have easily kill Jiraiya by pulling the sword out of the mouth (arteries are right there) but he didn't. As well as he could kill Tsunade when she was still shaking - just aim for the neck or the heart. Instead, he just injured her lung and kicked her which is not a big deal for the kind of shinoby like her at all.. Also he helped Anko not accidentally kill herself but it would be way much profitable to let her do it. "Orochimaru has no feelings".

21. The reason he suddenly wanted to kill Tsunade instead of forcing her to heal his arms as it was planned (which is weird since it will not going to get him heals and he kinda said that he wouldn't want to kill her just minutes ago) is that not only she refused to help him (he thought he could work it out) but she also prefered the village over him (from his point of view). Out if everyone she was the closest to being able to understand him since the village caused her painful losses too but nevertheless she agreed to be on it's side.

22. He wasn't fighting her back in the end partly because he thought he deserved that. Somewhere deep inside hahah.

23. Tsunade got a fear to develop deep bonds so they probably weren't very close with Shizune (also the way she knocked her down in this hotel.. oh).

24. Orochimaru will be here when she'll die.

25. Orochimaru's eng dub to Tsunade: "I often wondered what it would be like to ring that pretty neck yours". No comments.

26. Orochimaru is either bi/pan or ace. Anything or nothing lmao

27. Hiruzen knew about at least some of the Oro’s illegal experiments and was okay just as he was okay with the Foundation all the time. Because it’s useful. Then he has discovered he went too far OR he knew everything and oro just became too inconvenient because of his methods. The way Orochimaru tells Sasuke about reasons they are well treated as the criminals is based on in his experience with Hiruzen.

28. As you may know the lyrics in Orochimaru’s music theme goes “don’t talk with the silence of the heart”. It was taken from one Indian song that also had lines like “don’t question life too much”, ”pain arose somewhere in the chest”, “don’t speak to the wounds of the heart”. Though I’m not sure 100% because I was translating it with some hindi dictionary with like zero knowledge of hindi

29. I like to think that this “silence of the heart” theme and the fact that he called his village a hidden sound village are somehow connected. The hidden sound is the possible explanation of all things waiting to be listened to but the truth is silent and you know it deep in your heart and it bothers you. The world is silent just like the life is meaningless but people can only hear. *Sigh* anyways

30. Orochimaru’s journey is the one about accepting death. When he saw Karin released her chains while was trying to get to Sasuke he understood that the death is a part of human’s strength.

Can’t wait to feel that everything I wrote is wrong or not enough or stupid and obvious lol. Anyways, it’s something that I wanted to share until I move to some other fandom.

[stolen-pen-name23]

13 for the prompts? (If it hasn’t been done yet) with obi wan and qui gon because yes 💜

I sure can! Thank you for the prompt! // From these prompts.

So I think I'm going to actually write a prequel chapter (or 2) for this fic later, so keep an eye out for that!

Anyway, here ya go:

---

As a Jedi connected to the Living Force, Qui-Gon has greater respect than most for life — human or otherwise. So for a practitioner of the Living Force, it is a little unusual for him to feel this homicidal.

No, Qui-Gon has rarely felt rage quite like this.

Of course, he does not want the people… No, wait. "People" is too kind of a word for them. He does not want the vermin slavers who did this to his Padawan to die. He just wants them to suffer for a bit. Suffer like his Padawan is currently suffering — and maybe a bit more after that.

“Let me go!” Obi-Wan screams, pulling on the restraints holding him in place on the bed. Neither Qui-Gon nor Vokara Che had wanted to do this — not after Obi-Wan had just been freed from chains — but he was clawing at his skin and objects around the room had started floating with every aimless gesture of his hands. “Please, Master, let me go,” he begs, his voice raw from screaming.

“Soon, Padawan, soon,” Qui-Gon soothes. “The drugs just need to work their way through your system.”

The logic was lost on Obi-Wan. The young man before him, just barely 18, looks as though he has been betrayed.

“Let me go. Please let me go. I need to stop it, I need…”

“Stop what?” Qui-Gon prods, hoping that humoring his padawan will help him work through it faster.

“Stop him.”

“Who?”

“The man!” he says it plainly like it is a well-known fact who the man is.

“What man?”

“The man with the scar on his eye.”

Qui-Gon tries to think through everyone he knows. He can’t think of a single person with a scar on their eye.

“What is the man’s name?”

“I don’t know,” Obi-Wan says, frustration mixing into the fear that hangs potent in his Force presence.

“Why do you have to stop him?”

Obi-Wan stops straining against his bonds and his eyes clear momentarily. The sudden stillness feels heavy — like something lying in wait.

“He will tear everything down,” Obi-Wan turns to look at Qui-Gon and his eyes are clear and certain. “Everything.”

A chill runs down Qui-Gon’s spine.

Then the fog returns. Obi-Wan strains against his bonds once more.

“Let me go. Let me out. I’m not supposed to be here!”

“You are exactly where you need to be, my Padawan.”

“No no no no no.” There is a crazed look of hysteria in his eyes. It is so unnatural an expression for his Padawan, Qui-Gon almost cannot bear to look. But he looks anyway because he swore to stand by his Padawan’s side through all things, even this.

“Stop!” Obi-Wan screams. “Stop it! Please! I don’t want to hurt you!”

Qui-Gon shifts uncomfortably. “Who are you talking to?” he asks.

“You were my brother!”

What?

“You… Obi-Wan, you don’t have a brother,” Qui-Gon stutters. Who is he talking about?

Obi-Wan tosses his head to the side and then tosses it again until he’s looking at Qui-Gon.

“Let me go!” Obi-Wan yells.

“So there’s been no change huh?” A female voice cuts in.

Qui-Gon jumps. His attention was so fixed on Obi-Wan, he didn't notice Vokara Che slip into the room.

“What the hell did they drug him with?” Qui-Gon growls, his anger threatening to spill over at just the thought of the slavers and what they did to Obi-Wan.

“We’re still running tests on his blood. But we narrowed it down to some sort of hallucinogen.”

“I could have told you that,” Qui-Gon mutters.

Vokara fixes him with one of her strongest glares.

“Apologies, Master Che,” he amends. “I am just concerned for him.”

“I know,” Vokara says. Qui-Gon is grateful that she does not tell him to release his anxieties to the Force. He is not quite ready to part with them yet.

“Do you have any idea how long this will last?” Qui-Gon asks, hoping this nightmare will end soon.

“It’s hard to say. It depends on his body and how fast it works through the drugs. Hallucinogens can last six hours or they can last as long as fifteen hours.”

“It’s only been three hours,” Qui-Gon says, feeling sick at the possibility of his Padawan enduring this for twelve more hours.

Vokara squeezes his shoulder in sympathy. “He’s a strong boy,” Vokara said. “A strong young man, I should say,” she adds on. “He’ll make it through this. I can’t say for certain without knowing what exactly is in his system, but most hallucinogenic drugs don’t cause any permanent damage.” “Most?”

“What I’m saying is that I think your Padawan will be okay. I have him on an IV so he won’t get dehydrated, which is usually the biggest concern with hallucinogens.”

Qui-Gon turns his attention back to Obi-Wan. Sweat has matted his hair and his skin is a sickly pale color. His screaming has turned into sobbing.

“Why are you doing this to me?” he cries. He pulls at the restraints. “I don’t like these.”

“We don’t want you to hurt yourself,” Vokara says calmly. She runs a scanner over Obi-Wan’s body and looks at the readings. Whether it is good or bad, Qui-Gon is not sure. Her expression gave nothing away.

“If anything changes, please come get me,” Vokara says.

Qui-Gon nods. “Of course.”

Vokara takes her leave and Qui-Gon gives his undivided attention to Obi-Wan.

“Let me go,” Obi-Wan begs again.

“I can’t,” Qui-Gon says. “You heard Master Che. It’s for your own safety.”

Obi-Wan groans. “What is happening to me?”

Qui-Gon’s heart feels like it is breaking open in his chest.

“I’m so sorry that this is happening to you, Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon says “You’ll be okay soon.”

“But what’s happening?” Obi-Wan asks. Qui-Gon is hopeful that this moment of partial clarity lasts. Obi-Wan has been giving him false hope over the past few hours. Moments of clarity, all chased away by delirium.

“You’ve been drugged,” Qui-Gon says.

“Oh. I feel weird. I feel… not good. Hot.”

“Do you want some water?” Qui-Gon asks.

Obi-Wan looks like he’s going to answer, but his eyes glaze over and he is no longer looking at Qui-Gon.

“I keep seeing…”

“Obi-Wan?” Qui-Gon asks.

“I see…”

“What do you see, Padawan?” Qui-Gon asks, hoping he’ll be able to help Obi-Wan realize his hallucinations aren’t real.

“No!” Obi-Wan screams.

Qui-Gon’s hope vanishes. With a sigh, he begins stroking Obi-Wan’s sweat-drenched hair, smoothing it out from all of his tossing and turning.

Hours of begging and screaming and pulling at restraints pass until it seems Obi-Wan’s body is exhausted beyond its limits. His howls turn to whimpers. His sobs turn to hitched breaths. And finally, he passes out. Qui-Gon sighs a breath of relief and prays to the Force that when his Padawan wakes up, he will be his Padawan once more.

***

Qui-Gon can sense Obi-Wan coming back to consciousness before he even notices him stirring. He squints at the bright light of the room and groans.

Obi-Wan tries to move his arm but is held back by the restraints still keeping him down. Panic sets itself in Obi-Wan’s widened eyes.

“Why am I… M-Master?” His chest heaves with growing panic and he starts pulling at the bonds with renewed vigor.

“Hey, hey, Obi-Wan. It’s me. You’re alright,” Qui-Gon says, moving into his line of sight. Obi-Wan stares at him, unblinking and terrified. “What do you see right now?”

Obi-Wan hesitates. “I see you. I… I see this room. There’s not much in it.”

“Okay, good. Can you take a few deep breaths for me while I got get Master Che?”

“You’re leaving?” Obi-Wan asks, his voice going an octave higher.

“Only for a moment. You need to get looked over before I can let you out of those things,” Qui-Gon says, gesturing to the restraints with disdain.

Obi-Wan eyes the restraints and nods his approval.

Qui-Gon races out to find Master Che and she follows him back to Obi-Wan’s room.

“Hello, Obi-Wan,” Vokara says in greeting. “Are you feeling better?”

He nods glumly but does not offer her much else.

“All right, well I’m just going to perform a quick examination okay?”

Obi-Wan nods his consent and Vokara gets to work.

“I’m going to take these restraints off of your hands and ankles all right?”

He nods vigorously and Vokara undoes the buckles. When his hands are freed, Obi-Wan rubs his wrists. They’ve been chaffed raw and the skin is an angry red.

Vokara does not judge. She does not say a word about the welts. She simply takes a jar of bacta gel and rubs it on Obi-Wan’s wrists.

“Those should feel better in a few hours,” she says. Vokara follows the gentle administration with a blood sample. She runs a scanner over his body.

“Your vitals are normal, which is a good sign,” Vokara says. “I’m going to run your labs, and after that, we can see about letting you go home to rest.”

No protests, no haggling, no complaints come from Obi-Wan at the prospect of staying in the halls of healing even longer. Even Vokara raises an eyebrow at this.

“Are you sure you’re feeling better?” she asks. “Any nausea? Headache?”

“A little,” he says softly. Vokara exchanges a glance with Qui-Gon at the admittance.

“That’s pretty normal,” she says. “Is there anything else bothering you? Any other pain?”

“Just tired.”

“That’s to be expected after what your body has been through.”

“Hmm.”

“I’m going to run these labs, but let me know if your headache gets worse or if you feel like you need to throw up.”

He nods obediently.

Vokara leaves Qui-Gon alone with his Padawan.

Obi-Wan’s face scrunches up in concentration.

“What is it, Padawan?”

“There was something… something important…” Obi-Wan starts. Some of his earlier panic starts to return and his chest begins to heave. “I saw it. I just… I don’t know...”

“Hush, it’s alright. None of it was real,” Qui-Gon soothes.

“No!” Obi-Wan says forcefully, and for a moment, Qui-Gon worries the drug has not completely left his system yet. “It was… it felt…”

“How did it feel?” Qui-Gon asks.

Fear, sorrow, and anguish all flash across Obi-Wan’s eyes. His fingers dance in a nervous tapping pattern on the frame of the bed.

“How did it feel?” Qui-Gon asks again.

Obi-Wan stops tapping his fingers.

“Like the end of all things.”

The young man is still, as though he is afraid that the next move he makes will set his visions on a path to fruition.

“You need to stay grounded, Padawan. Stay in the here and now.”

Anger flared in the Force — white-hot and foreign.

“Oh yeah? You try to stay grounded after you get kidnapped by slavers and then drugged with some unknown substance that makes you question everything you see and feel,” Obi-Wan snaps.

Qui-Gon gives him a moment. He needs a moment.

Obi-Wan’s face crumples and he buries his head in his hands. “I’m sorry,” he says, voice muffled by his own hands. His shoulders shake. “I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s alright, Padawan. You’ve been through a lot in the last 48 hours. I will not fault you for taking a tone with me.”

Obi-Wan offers him a strained laugh and he wipes at his eyes before looking back up at Qui-Gon. “I just…”

“Tell me, Padawan. Anything.”

“Is this real?”

“Yes, Obi-Wan. This is real.” Qui-Gon grabs Obi-Wan’s hand and squeezes it. “Feel this?”

Obi-Wan nods.

“That’s because it is real. You and I. Here and now. We are real.”

Obi-Wan takes in a shuddering breath. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Qui-Gon reaffirms.

Obi-Wan nods. “Okay.”

“Good.”

Qui-Gon reaches over and tugs on Obi-Wan’s braid.

“Hey!” Obi-Wan exclaims, rubbing his scalp. “What was that for?”

“For scaring me,” Qui-Gon says, giving Obi-Wan a faux look of reproach.

“Apologies, Master,” Obi-Wan says. “I’ll try not to let it happen again.”

“See that it doesn’t.”

Obi-Wan grins at him before yawning.

“You should get some rest.”

Obi-Wan shakes his head, but he yawns again.

“You are obviously tired,” Qui-Gon says, unimpressed. “Why don’t you want to sleep?”

“I don’t…”

“Yes, Padawan?”

“If I fall asleep, will you stay?” Obi-Wan finally says, his voice quiet and his cheeks flush with embarrassment. “You don’t have to,” he quickly adds on. “I just. I don’t want to be alone and I’m still not sure if any of this is real and I want it to be real, but I—”

“Of course I will stay,” Qui-Gon says. “You’re real, I’m real, and I’m staying.”

“Thanks, Master,” Obi-Wan says, his eyes fluttering closed.

Qui-Gon stays and keeps guard over Obi-Wan’s dreams.

[avenging-criminal-bones]

After All This Time || Chapter Five

Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Word Count: 2,146

Chapter Summary: Anger. And harshness, maybe feelings. I haven't decided yet so I guess you'll have to just read to find out.

CHAPTER WARNINGS: angst?, asshat hotch again, sad feels

A/N: Guys, I'm like legitimately so sorry that this chapter took so long. It's not even that I've been all that busy. I definitely did go to California for two weeks, but after that I think I just got lazy? Had writer's block? I don't know. But New chapter is UP.

TAGLIST:

@kingofthetwats @wanniiieeee @uwu-sebastianstan @piggyinthesea @yoshigguk @thatisthemagic @errorcosplay67 @ivebeenthinkingboutu @big-galaxy-chaos @rynfoxsleeps @phoenixsnape1 @mojofun @pachiibatt @enjoymyloves @thenewnormalforensicator @word-scribbless @zezezena @chelseyjoyce @ellyhotchner @lora21 @flipperpenguins @illegal-brains @sunnysaysbookreviews @anti-zippy-snoot @kya-li

You come to eleven hours later, the first thing that you hear being the steady beep of a monitor.

The hospital.

It smells... white, the cleanness of it making you scrunch your nose. Still not having opened your eyes, you sense the brightness, almost making you not want to at all.

However, you knew how hospital visits work. When Reid was injured, the whole team was there waiting for him to wake up. With that push, that you had people waiting for you to wake up, you opened your eyes.

Everything was too bright at first. You felt your lips fall into a grimace and joked aloud, "You guys don't need to be so quiet, she lives."

There was no response, and as your vision cleared up, the wind was knocked out of you like a punch to the gut.

Empty.

The whole room was empty. Aside from you and the TV, there was no talking. There were no people.

For a moment you thought that you were dead. Or maybe dreaming, because who wakes up from a seemingly severe injury with no support system? With no friends.

You hear your heartbeat speed up before you feel it, but boy do you feel it when it hits.

The monitor must send an alert to the nurses' station or something because shortly after, a small, black-haired woman rushes into the room.

"Agent L/N? Are you alright, is there any-,"

"I just- where- did my- wh-where is my team?" The stutter surprised you and you sat up fast, not realizing how prominent the pain in your abdomen was until it was too late. You let out a soft gasp, but looked at the nurse to hear an answer.

"Oh, uh, honey... I asked as they left and the tall, broody one said that there was an emergency." She walked up to you and turned a dial on your IV machine, gently asking you to lay down again.

You complied, not fully paying attention. Your mind was somewhere else; thinking about the harshness of your team, but you had to assume that this was Hotchner's doing.

"You alright, sweetie," the kind nurse asks, her name is Monica.

You nod slowly, your head feeling a lot lighter than it had when you woke up. "Yeah. I'm okay. Um, before you go can you hand me my phone?"

She nods, looking at you for where, and you gesture to the bag that's slightly out of your reach. Monica hands you both the phone and its charger, pointing to an outlet on the wall behind your head.

Nodding in thanks, you plug the charger into the wall and watch the kind nurse leave before unlocking your phone. You see immediately that you have five missed calls from your mother, and after further searching, you notice messages from Emily, JJ, and Penelope. JJ's was the most recent, so you open hers first.

JJ (BAU) 43 minutes ago.

Hey Y/N, In case you wake up before we get back, Hotch called our debrief meeting, so we all went back to the precinct. Sorry, hon.

xoxo JJ and the Girls

You didn't register the tears until they were falling down your cheeks. You sighed a bit and replied to JJ's message with a short, 'got it'.

As soon as you pushed the 'send' button, the door to your room opened again and your entire team rushed in.

Well, most of the team.

Really, everyone except one person.

You were quick to wipe your eyes, trying to hide the fact that you had been crying. JJ walked to the chair beside your bed and sat down, giving you the most gentle hug as she did.

"Did you get my message? Are you feeling okay? Do you need a nurse, any water?"

"JJ, you're momming her," Derek joked as he bent to give you a hug. "For real though, you feelin' alright, lil mama?"

You nodded, sending him a tight-lipped smile as Emily walked over to the other side of your bed, bringing Penelope with her on a video call.

Spencer even came by, but he looked relatively uncomfortable and stayed by the door.

Waving at him a bit, you say, "You can come in you know. I won't bite."

"I know, Y/N. I was just worried. Statistically speaking, you survived on an off-chance. The ratio was close to 83:17, and the bullet entered your abdomen in-"

"I get it Spence. I should be dead," you pause slightly seeing everyone's wide-eyed look at your bluntness, "BUT I didn't die, so everyone can stop looking at my like I'm going to break and just settle." You chuckle a bit and sigh as you see the rest of the team besides Spencer nod their heads or visibly relax their shoulders.

"You're right, kiddo," Rossi says quietly, "You're okay, and we can celebrate that."

"Thanks, Rossi." Smiling, you lean into his hand, which was cradling the side of your face for a moment. "Can someone get Hotchner please? I had some words that I'd like to have him hear."

JJ places her hand on your arm then and says, "Y/N, maybe that's not the best idea right now."

"No," you shake your head and make eye contact with her, "That's exactly what I need right now."

"Y/N..."

"Spencer, can you go get him please? He's just sitting out in the lobby, correct?" You snap a little harsher than you meant to.

The boy stutters a bit, but eventually nods his head and walks out of the room. The rest of the team shares a look before also walking out, giving you space for when your boss comes in.

Sitting up straighter in the bed, you even your mouth into a thin line just as Hotchner walks in the room.

"Am I off the clock right now, sir?" You don't miss the way his eyes flash to your lips but you choose to ignore it.

He sighs and crosses his arms over his chest, "Say what you need to say, agent."

"Who the hell do you think you are? Calling the debrief not only at a time where one of the team members can't make it, but when the team member is in the hospital with a GSW wound." Your voice rises steadily as you continue talking, but you have more to say. "Not only that, but you couldn't even be bothered to make sure I was okay when the debrief was over?" Subconsciously, you recognize the switch from a third-person mindset to a personal one, but you pay it no mind.

"Agent L/N, you-"

"No. You will call me Y/N, and I will be calling you Aaron. We aren't on the clock right now and you don't deserve my professionalism," the heart monitor spikes in tempo, and you throw the blanket off of your lap.

He quirks an eyebrow at you as you command him, but nods his head slightly, letting you be in control for the moment. "Go ahead, Y/N. You get whatever irrational anger you have towards me out in the open and we can deal with the consequences later."

"I left EVERYTHING for this job, Aaron. I left my mom, who never stopped grieving a lost son, I left my job there thinking this would be better, and I lost friends and people who actually cared about my well-being. People who wouldn't leave one of their own in an unknown hospital to wake up by themself, not sure if they were even actually alive since there wasn't anyone with them." You saw Aaron flinch with everything that you listed, but you didn't care. He needed to hear it. "So yeah, Aaron. I get to be angry, and you don't get to tell me it's irrational, because this is the most rational I think I've been this entire year."

"Y/N. You put not only yourself, but me, and the rest of the team in danger yesterday. Excuse me if I don't want to see you and be around you while you're in the hospital." Really, if burned Aaron to his core that he couldn't reach over and tuck the stray piece of hair behind your ear, because right now that's what he wanted to do. Except it's inappropriate and he's not sure you'd let him within three feet of you.

"NO! You see, that's not how it works. Are you telling me that if you saw a little boy with a gun trained on them, you wouldn't have done the exact same thing?" Hot tears fill your eyes, but you don't wipe them. You almost hope that him seeing you cry will make him feel bad, if even just a little.

Glancing at the way his jaw was set and how he clenched his fists in his lap, you knew he was struggling to keep his cool, so of course you pushed harder.

"What if it was Jack, Aaron."

"Dammit, L/N, it wasn't Jack. It was just some boy that we couldn't save. We shouldn't have been able to save him. You didn't use the training you had, and you didn't use the rational part of your brain. As terrible as that sounds, and trust me, I never want to lose a victim, if you had used the training from the bureau, we wouldn't have saved him. " Aaron stands up and paces the length of the bed then, feeling your eyes following him the whole time.

You shake your head as you let your gaze fall to your lap. "I wasn't going to let him die again... I wouldn't have been able to live with myself."

Aaron's eyebrows furrow a bit and he looks at you with angry curiosity in his eyes, "Again? What do you mean by that?" That's when Hotch remembered earlier when you mentioned her mother who lost a son. "Y/N, did your brother... No. Actually, I'm sorry, just forget I said anything,"

There was a dark anger in your eyes as you shook your head. "No, Aaron. Ask me. Ask me this one question, and then reassess your profiling of me."

His gaze turned steely as he squared his shoulders again, showing no emotion in his voice as he spoke. He almost felt like the best way to approach you right now was as if you were the unsub.

"Was your brother murdered, Y/N?"

Dropping your head, you feel the tears burning in your eyes again and you nod. "He was only five. He had his whole life ahead of him. You'd think a child would be safe with a group of nuns or a priest, but no. Not even them. He was branded with a cross before he was killed and it's just unfair."

Aaron starts to walk closer to your bed, seeing the devolving pattern of your breathing, "Y/n, I'm so sorry, I-"

"No. Aaron, just, please go. I'll catch a flight home when I'm allowed to fly again, so you guys just go home and I'll figure it out. I mean, that's what I did when I was waking up by myself, right? Go ahead and fire me if you need to, suspend me, I don't care anymore, but I'll come back when the hospital says it's safe." You take a deep breath and watch as he turns away.

He gets all the way to the door before he turns back around and says, "What was his name."

"Joey."

Hotch nods and walks out of the door, remembering that the final victim, the one that you saved, was named Joseph.

After the encounter with Hotch you fell asleep. The heavy medication and the anger in your head knocked you out easily. You were asleep for a few hours, but you woke up when your pain medication wore off.

You noticed that your work phone had a few notifications, so you sat up a bit and looked through them.

There were two that stood out to you. The first one was a notification that read "Hotchner (Asshat) has added you to the group 'BAU Team'". The second was his message in that group chat.

Hotchner (Asshat) 2 hours ago

Hey team, change in plans. We will be staying here until Y/N gets cleared to fly. It should only be a couple of days and I know we were planning on flying out tonight. Sorry, Thanks.

As soon as you liked his message, your texts were blowing up from Emily. She was saying stuff about how "he totally likes you", and about, "you had a rough time on this case".

Also, apparently Derek saved all of his sarcasm for when Hotch got back, and the thought made you smile.

[burnedbyshoto]

shinsou and the very terrible, horrible, no good, very bad shift

— You, a new sidekick, screw up a case for a Pro Hero Shinsou, and he demands compensation.

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pairing: older!shinsou hitoshi x younger fem!reader

warnings: age gap (shinsou 25, reader 18), nsfw, 18+, pwp, DEGRADATION, power imbalance, spanking, marking, cursing, shinsou is a major asshole, mindbreak, sorta subspace, happy ending for shinsou, depending on person unhappy ending for reader, public sex, dubcon because of power imbalance

word count: 3,892

a/n: happy halloween. this is mean degradation imo like I thought ive done degradation but this made all those look like praise kink. be careful and click out if its too much

kinktober day 20 main kink: degradation | kinktober masterlist

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How you ever forgot that as a high school hero-in-training student, you were a big fish in a tiny pond was beyond you. Well, to be quite honest, you never thought yourself to be a big fish, to begin with.

You were eighteen, a few months from turning nineteen and had just graduated from the hero course over at UA. That in itself was a huge accomplishment, one that you should take with bubbling pride and joy, but to be quite honest, having such a big name attached to you only made you nervous. To tell the truth, you often wondered just why a hero within the top 50 even scouted you to work as an intern with them and then offer you a position as a sidekick as soon as you entered your third year. Still, it seemed to be a common predicament with BMI Hero: FatGum.

Today was your first day on the job, no longer a student part of a hero work-study, but as a physical, government paid hero — a fickle sidekick! You shuddered as you slipped on the shoes to your outfit, your teeth gnawing at your bottom lip as you made your way out of the locker room, ready to report to your first assignment.

FatGum agency was quite a lovely place, loud and warm, being the first two adjectives you thought of when you first joined their ranks. It did wonders for your self-esteem, and seeing newly turned Pro Hero Suneater, who apparently was a million times more of a nervous mess than you were, made you feel oddly in good hands.

But still, nothing could keep you from the shock that ran through your body when FatGum proudly thrust forward a patrol route for you to follow.

“Alright, pipsqueak,” FatGum jovially spoke, his eyes closed while he smiled. “This is your route for the day! It should take about an hour to get through unless anything happens! You’ll go on the route every three hours, and in between those patrols, it’s the same paper system as before! Good luck out there, y/h/n, you got this!”

“Oh my god, no, I do not?!” you spluttered, hands shaking wildly as you went through the folder Fat had so quickly presented. “What if I die?!”

“You’ll be fine. Remember how Deku and Ground Zero complimented you the other day?”

“Yeah!” you exclaim, your face burning with your shame as you remembered that confrontation. “But that only happened because Deku is a living saint, and I spilled my noodles all over him and Ground Zero! Ground Zero was also, by the way, forced to compliment me by Deku! And all he said was that my combat skills were absolutely shitty but not as shitty as he thought they would be!”

“Ah yes, I remember Red Riot discussing how his friend was less than inept at expressing his gratitude,” FatGum hummed in memory, although that dumb, proud smile never left his face. “If I remember correctly, that means he has great respect for you!”

You made a dying noise at the back of your throat.

“But Deku doesn’t lie! He speaks honestly, so all his compliments were definitely true. Now, y/h/n, let's get through this day together, ne?”

You didn’t agree, but that wouldn’t stop him from throwing you out to the streets, your heart hammering in your throat as you walked through the path he used to take you on every day. Your smile was shaky and wobbly as the people you recognized waved and cheered you on. They were all excited to see you on your own. 

However, they did point out that you were here an entire hour earlier than usual, but hey! That’s what happened when you went from being a student to trying to function as an adult!

“You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay,” you chanted as you passed by the spookiest alleyway on your patrol.

The hour-long patrol was almost done if your watch wasn’t lying to you: a full patrol and not a single instance of needing to help. Well, you had assisted some people in carrying groceries and holding a child as a mother shopped for dinner that night, but there were no altercations, nothing out of the ordinary. 

You marched through the alleyway, your fists in a shaky clenched grip as cold, nervous sweat dripped down your neck.

You were okay, you are okay, you will be okay.

“Nothing to be afraid of! Just a normal, average, no villains insight day!” you spoke to yourself, your body shaking as you pass an opening in the alleyway, and you turn your head to look and freeze.

“Alright, and I don’t want fucking nobody hearing goddamn shit about this drug, got it?!” a man with a quirk that made him look like a blowfish snapped.

Six men stood in the alleyway, all with tall, massive, threatening vibes. You didn’t make a single noise; you knew that for a fact, but their gazes still fell on you the moment the man stopped speaking. A horrible, stupid movie cliche that happened too often in hero life.

Your life probably flashed before your eyes at that single moment, your body and mind instinctively moving to call the heroes before realizing that you were the hero now. What do you do?! What could you do?! Drugs?! Did they have drugs?!

Panicking greatly, you watched their mouths move, but you couldn’t hear them as you took in their faces in a blur. Before you knew it, your mind shut down, and your body took over. You weren’t sure what it was. If you were way stronger than the entire group or if you just had an untapped potential that burst open right now, because you blinked and suddenly there were all thrown onto the floor, busted and bloody and tied up.

You… you did it?!

“Oh my god!” you exclaimed, your hands rising to your mouth as you looked at each and every one of their smushed, dirty faces. “I WON?! I won, oh my god, I won — wait?!”

You stepped over to the purple-haired man on the floor, his mouth stuffed with a cloth fabric you probably shoved in there at some point.

“M-Mindjack-sensei?!” you cried, your excitement of betting this drug handoff simmering off immediately. “W-What are you doing? Were you gonna stop this drug handoff? I — oh my god, let me get this off!” You scrambled to get the restraints off of Shinsou, unaware of the way the other captured men glared at Shinsou, utterly shocked and betrayed as you cleared him.

“Thank you for the capture, y/h/n!” a police officer congratulated you as you freed Shinsou, and you smiled, nodding your head. “Is it just four of them?”

You froze.

You had counted six men at first, and with Shinsou recovered, that made five men.

“I didn’t… I lost one of them?” you deflated, all sense of confidence draining you as Shinsou remained on the floor.

“Ah,” the police officer grimaced, his head shaking before he paused and looked up at you with a halfhearted smile. “Well, you still did good work! We’ll see what drug they were talking about, and if it’s nothing too crazy, they’ll be good to go!”

“Yeah, of course,” you smile weakly, feeling ready to cry as you hold onto your wrist.

“But, uh, who’s the guy on the ground?” he nodded towards Shinsou, who was looking entirely pissed off and ready to bite like some cornered, raging animal.

“Oh, Mindjack!” you respond, hands motioning toward one of the other older Pro Heroes you looked up to. 

The police officer stared at Shinsou, an unconvinced look on his face.

“I thought he was… ah, well, old? And didn’t he have black hair?” he muttered before shrugging. You didn’t manage to stutter out your knowledge of the older man with black hair being Eraserhead because he was long gone already, fingers pressed to his radio, chatting with his HQ.

Breathing out a nervous sigh, you turned to Shinsou with a shy and fully apologetic smile. “I am so sorry for hurting you! Are you okay?” you asked, your eyes scanning the older heroes' stance, unable to read anything but annoyance radiating from his body. 

“No, I’m not okay, actually,” Shinsou spat, his face finally looking up from the floor, and you felt your throat run thick at the rage and anger simmering from his face. 

“W-Wha—” you stammer, taking a step back, overwhelmed.

“You just fucking ruined six months of undercover work,” he seethed, his feet moving to stalk towards you. You found yourself stumbling backward, looking everywhere but at him. You can feel your balance giving; the cold filth of the alleyway wall your saving grace as his fingers grabbed your jaw, forcing you to face him. His purple eyes black in his fury. “I don’t think you realized just how badly you fucked up?! You stupid fucking child!”

A wash of ice-cold realization flooded through you, the horror of what you knew you just did completely dawning on you as tears sprung in your eyes. You felt nauseous, utterly sick to your stomach because this seasoned Pro Hero definitely had shit to do, and you practically shat all over it.

“I am so sorry,” you whimper, pain shooting through you just slightly at the grip he has on your chin. “I am so so sorry, i-is there anything that I c-can do?! How can I-I fix it?!”

“You think I need help from some crybaby?” Shinsou snapped, thoroughly unimpressed by you, his eyes narrowing further. You didn’t even realize you were crying already. 

“I-I’m useful, I promise!” you cry a bit more, your body struggling as the older hero trapped you against the wall, his face glowering down at you with the intensity of a million suns. “I-I’m a sidekick over a-at Fatgum’s agency, but, oh fuck, I’m so sorry! I’ll do anything you ask of me!”

There’s a looming silence, a heavy tension as his eyes drop from your eyes to your parted wet lips. He’s much taller than you, and you can feel every heavy breath expelling on your face. 

“You think a pathetic, worthless little sidekick is able to do anything for me?” Shinsou snapped, his eyes narrowing as he loomed even closer. “A pathetic fucking bitch like you? I don’t think you can give me even a simple fucking action that would prove your worth.”

The words are hot embers on your ears, making your jaw drop, and your body trembles at the simple degradation. You feel your tears hot on your cheeks, your parted lips invaded by his dirt-covered fingers as he pressed onto your tongue. It had to be the shock of it, the reality of the hot, hard dick pressing into your stomach and the way he was staring at you like some piece of fucking meat, but you gagged around his fingers.

“Why am I not fucking surprised, you goddamn fucking whore,” he sneered, his fingers shoving faster into your mouth, pressing dangerously hard against your tongue, trying to get you to gag and choke around his fingers. “You fucking sure you’re a fucking sidekick? Look at you, pathetic, stupid, crying like a baby in an alleyway? You’re a hero, aren’t you? Fucking save yourself from this, you fucking bitch.”

You violently shake, your hands finding themselves tethered to his shirt, your head shaking nonetheless.

“Oh, you don’t want to save yourself?” He coos, his expression turning the slightest bit amused, maybe a bit possessive, but it lasts a second. You blink, and anger has replaced the amusement, red streaking in his vision. “Why the fuck not?”

“B-Because,” you strangle, your tongue flat against your mouth, your throat instinctively opening and closing against his fingers. “I said I’ll do anything y-you wanted!”

There’s another pause, and you wait pressed against the wall, your chest heaving with your anxiety and weird turned-on state. Shinsou was a Pro Hero, someone who was eight years older than you, someone you had respected since you were in grade school. Yet, here you were, looking nothing more than a slab of meat to him, a hole for him to abuse in his anger because you had fucked up.

“Oh, you stupid fucking slut,” he laughed, his teethed bared into a feral smirk. “You want this, huh. You want to please me any way I see fucking fit, fucking perfect. Turn around.”

There’s no room to argue or think; he turns you around without a second's notice. His hand shoving your chest into the wall, and you cry at the discomfort. He grabs your ass, pushing you uncomfortably into an arched position as he tears your pants down from your legs.

 “You’re a worthless fucking cumdump. Not even noon yet, and I’m going use your fucking body however I see fit.” Shinsou promises, fingers raking down your supple ass. Nails tearing into your skin, fingers slapping your covered cunt. “You worthless fucking slut, dirty fucking whore, already goddamn wet.”

“I’m n-not wet!” you cry, hips spasming against his rough hold, and slaps to your aching cunt. You know it’s a lie, you know that clear as day, but it doesn’t keep you from lying. Doesn’t stop you from shivering when he pinches at the cloth of your panties and removes them from your sopping wet folds.

“You think I don’t know if you’re wet or not?” Shinsou growled in warning, his fingers pinching together your soaked folds. An action that makes you cry loudly, the sharp pain too much for you. “You think I’m some fucking idiot?”

“N-No!” you cry, his fingers shifting to where your throbbing entrance is and his other hand going to your mouth, once again claiming your lips as his nails purposefully impose pain on your heated cunt. 

“You must think that since you’re lying to me,” he snaps, his mouth pressed to your ear, his hot breaths making your eyes roll to the back of your head. You want to speak up, say something, but his fingers are fucking your mouth, keeping you from speaking back. “But again, you aren’t fucking worth anything, are you? You’re not fucking anything.”

Those words whip against your skin, making you twist in his arms, hot tears pushing past your eyes again as you cry.

“Oh, you don’t like that?” Shinsou comments, his fingers pinching and pulling your tongue, and his hips begin to grind his hot, burning flesh into your ass. “Well, you better stop fucking crying because I’m not gonna stop until I’m fucking done — until I’m fucking relieved. This isn’t about you; this is for me. You aren’t shit, fucking worthless piece of shit whore.”

You sob into the brick wall, the tears unable to be stopped, unable to clear as his fingers that were scraping at your folds begin to fuck you at the same time as he fingers your mouth faster. The sensation of being outside, finger fucked in an alleyway by a Pro Hero you admired and respected beyond comparison, made you tremble with want and need. His cruel, completely degrading words a warm fire in your belly and against your skin. 

The sounds of the wet caverns he was currently fucking begin to echo in the wall, his throbbing cock grinding against your ass. It’s a sensation that makes you cry with need, your ass shifting back to feel him more, to get more from the contact he’s giving you.

“Of course some screwup like you likes this shit,” Shinsou grunted, his fingers fishing and rubbing against the spongy warmth of your walls, fingers scraping ever so gently against the velvetiness. You spasm against his touch, your whiney, pleasure-filled noises filling up the alleyway almost as loudly as the choking and the squelching of your pussy.

His hands suddenly leave your mouth, and you’re heaving at the deserted feeling in your mouth. You whip your head around, trying to see just why he had abandoned your mouth, desperate to please him more in any way he saw fit. But instead, you’re met with the sicky coldness of your saliva spread across your face. Almost instantly drying against your face as your still tear-soaked eyes looked into his dark ones.

“Don’t look so fucking sad, stupid cockslut,” Shinsou snapped, his hand that had been fucking your cunt abandoning your warmth and meeting your face. You whined, unable to come up with words as he spreads your slick against your face. A shiver wrecks your spine, a pathetic whimper at the smell, and the feel of the warm thickness of your slick. “You wanted this, fucking asked me to wreck your worthless holes.”

“I-I’m not sad,” you try to defend yourself, your body shaking as you feel the heated warmth of his cock suddenly between the curves of your ass. It presses heavily onto you, skin twitching and throbbing with its emitting warmth and simmering heat. 

Shinsou pauses, his eyes deadly and threatening as he glares at you. Unamusement heavy in his gaze, his mouth set in a small, teeth-baring snarl. “Then why the fuck are you crying? You think you deserve to be crying right now? No. You fucking worthless slut, you don’t. You ruined my damn shift, my damn case, I should be the one fucking crying. Your pathetic ass is worthless and tried to make my life the same, and that won’t fucking fly.”

The words tighten at your throat, your body trembling as tears continue to flow. His words are white-hot against your skin, and although it hurts to hear it, your cunt clenches in response, slicking even more.

His hand comes down suddenly onto your ass. The slap sharp and stinging, echoing loudly against the alleyway walls as you scream in pain. It throbs, your back contorting as you try to stretch the skin that makes you ache. But Shinsou spanks your ass again, without warning, his hand unmerciful against your soft, swelling flesh. You yelp again.

He spanks again, and again, and again. Each echoing action sending your voice screaming, counting them without even being told, succumbed to him and his every action and thought without needing to be. He spanks you until your ass feels raw and bloody, the bruises undoubtedly forming as he pinches the folds of your dripping cunt.

“Stick your ass out more,” he growls, tugging at the fold, making you stumble. The cock pressing onto the split of your ass feels heavy, and you twitch at the seeping pre-cum dripping onto your muscled rim. The bricks scratch at your face, and you find your ass wiggling out further from the wall, your back arched more as the cold wall sings through the clothes on your breast. “I’m not gonna put more fucking effort into fucking a goddamn worthless bitch than I should.”

And with that, your ass perfectly exposed for him to use and fuck. His throbbing cock presses through your pussy and slams all the way into you.

There were many pains you were used to as an aspiring hero. You were used to being punched, kicked, stabbed, thrown about, etc. Each of those pains were something you had been taught to make feel better, each pain demonstrated to you so that it wouldn’t be the thing that took you out. But there was no training for the way that his thick cock pressed through your impossibly tight entrance. There was no pain that could relate to the white fire of your rapidly fluttering entrance that was trying too hard to keep up with his slamming thick cock.

“IT HURTS!” you shriek, body twisting, tears flooding your cheeks as you feel weak in the legs. Body moments from falling. “It hurts so much! Please! It hurts!”

“Oh? It hurts? It's supposed to fucking hurt you fucking idiot, fucking whore,” Shinsou snapped in return, his hips firing into even faster than before. His massive body practically caving onto you as his cock rockets into you. Unforgiving, relentless, and with the drive to make him cum. Your vision swirls and spins as the pain reaches its peak, your mouth opening, your voice no longer working. But oh, how the saliva dripped from your mouth as his hands abandoned your waist to grab onto your stretched cheeks. He held onto your cheeks like some gag, slamming your head into his chest so your dazed eyes could stare up at him as his menacing gaze bore down on you. “You think this was supposed to make you feel good? I don’t give a shit if you cum. This is for me. I’m not fucking stopping until I’m done using you, so shut the fuck up.”

Your whimper is soft, no longer able to keep up with the pleasure your body begins to reach as the pain becomes one of pure bliss. Your eyes crossing as every thrust of his welcomed cock drives you further and further up the wall. The squelching of your meeting sexes almost sounds like a nursery rhyme. A pleasant noise that makes you giggle deliriously as Shinsou continues to degrade you continues to spout how insignificant you are.

“Your only purpose in your shit life is to be my fucking cumdump, fucking bitch, do you understand me?” Shinsou spat, his thrusting becoming barbaric, stammering in his power and speed. You laugh, your head nodding as you stare up at him with loving eyes, the drool and tears on your face trailing down your throat, soaking your uniform. “Tell me what your purpose is?”

“To be your cumdump!” you laugh, elation bubbling in your chest, fluttering deep around your cunt until you felt Shinsou’s teeth sink into your throat.

The feeling of hot, sticky cum expelling into your cunt feels like blistering euphoria, his heavy, rough breathing on your skin, making you moan softly. Your own orgasm hits, much softer, much more controlled than his as your walls clamp down like a vice around him. Your orgasm is warm, sounding deep within you that you almost didn’t realize you were dropped to the floor.

A soft, pitiful moan sounds from your lip, your eyes focused on Shinsou, who’s shoving his limp cock back into his pants, but his eyes are on the skyline.

“I-I’m sorry for messing up your… your case,” you rasp on the floor. 

Shinsou shifts on his feet, his gaze lingering longer onto the skyline before finally setting onto you. The anger seems to have disappeared, a look of slight boredom but the excitement in his eyes as he leans down over you. You feel breathless when his mouth presses against yours in a short, chaste kiss.

“I think you just helped me keep my cover, slut; maybe you do have some worth,” he laughed against your mouth.

He leaves you there, your body going limp and blackness taking over the moment he disappears.

[reallifesultanas]

Portrait of Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş / Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş portréja

Origin and youth

Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş was a woman of Greek descent who was certainly captured during the Venetian-Ottoman War. The grimace of fate is that the outbreak of the war was attributable to Mehmed IV, who later became Emetullah's sweetheart. In the summer of 1645, Ibrahim I declared war on Venice and sent a large Turkish army to Crete. The immediate cause of the war was that Maltese pirates captured an Ottoman ship carrying several influential people. Among them was the wet-nurse of Mehmed IV and her own son, whom Sultan Ibrahim I loved very much. So much that the he cared more with the wet-nurse's son than he did with his own child, Mehmed. The war lasted for decades, until 1669, so it is not possible to determine exactly when Emetullah was captured.

Emetullah was a gift from a certain Deli Hüseyn Pasha, who took the Cretan slaves he had captured to the Sultan’s palace and recommended the bests to the sultan’s harem. Deli Hüseyn Pasha died in 1659, so Emetullah definitely joined the harem before that time. This, unfortunately, does not help us, for considering that Emetullah was already a favorite of the Sultan in 1660 and this had to be preceded by several years of education, so most likely she was captured before 1654. Many give the year 1645 as captivity, however, this is almost ruled out. In general, children under the age of 5 were not caught, because they caused more trouble than benefit, and were more likely to die during the long and tumultuous journey. Assuming that Emetullah was roughly the same old — or younger — than Mehmed IV (born in 1642), she could have been captured in 1648 at the earliest.

The consort

Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş matured into a beautiful young woman, making her perfectly suited to entertain the sultan. Emetullah is one of the few sultanas whose appearance is known in considerable detail. One of the ambassadors had the opportunity to see one of Emetullah's clothes and belts, on the basis of which he thought the Sultana was a taller-than-average but graceful. The same ambassador heard from his informant that the Sultana had fine skin and blue eyes. Other descriptions said she had black curly hair. Towards the end of her life, Emetullah was reportedly more plump than slender.

It is not known exactly when Mehmed started receiving concubines and when Emetullah became his favorite. Mehmed's first child, a girl, was born in 1660. According to circumstantial evidence, this girl, Hatice, was the first child of Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş. Based on this, we can assume that Emetullah became Mehmed’s partner in the late 1650s. However, their relationship had not really deepened at this point, as Mehmed spent the next period away from his harem, traveling a lot.

Shortly afterwards, the Sultan moved his entire court to Edirne, making it the de facto capital of the Empire. It was a perfect timing that his firstborn son, Mustafa, was born here in 1664. Mehmed was so happy for the birth of his son that he piled up the child’s mother, Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş, with amazing gifts and never left the woman alone from then on. He took her with him on his hunts and even on his campaigns. Together they had at least two more children, Ahmed (later Ahmed III) in 1673 and Fatma Emetullah in 1675. In addition to the four children mentioned above, Mehmed certainly had other children (Ayşe, Bayezid, Ümmügülsüm, Süleyman). The identity of their mother is unknown, it could have been Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş, but even other concubines.

As the Sultan’s favourit concubine, the mother of his children, Emetullah, was the second highest-ranking woman in the harem. Her relationship with the first woman of the harem is controversial. Some say Emetullah was an evil, violent woman who regularly confronted her mother-in-law, Mehmed’s mother, Turhan Hatice Valide Sultan. However, there is no evidence to that effect, in fact! Emetullah and Turhan certainly worked together periodically to achieve their political goals. In 1682, Grand Vizier Merzifonlu Kara Mustafa Pasha began to anger Turhan more and more, as he tried to make her political influence impossible. We don’t know what motivation Gülnüş was for, but she helped Turhan remove the pasha. Eventually, unfortunately, Turhan died before the pasha was deposed. Either way, this collaboration makes it unlikely that the relationship between Emetullah and Turhan would have been bad. In addition, Emetullah had a good relationship with Turhan’s eunuch, Yusuf Agha, which would also not have been possible if the two women did not like and respect each other.

Many blame Emetullah’s ambitions for the supposedly fragile relationship. Legend has it that Mehmed’s beloved, Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş, tried to persuade him to execute his half-brothers and make their own sons his heir instead. However, knowing the infinitely close relationship between Mehmed and his sons, we cannot rule out that Mehmed himself wanted to change the inheritance. Whoever was its inventor, no one supported the idea, not the people, not the pashas and not even Mehmed’s mother, Turhan. Turhan, to protect Prince Suleiman and Ahmed from death and his son from fall, always kept her two foster sons with her. If Turhan traveled, she took them with her so that Mehmed would not execute them in her absence.

Sultana on the campaigns

After the birth of Mustafa, the sultan did not want to go anywhere without Emetullah and his son. From then on, Emetullah accompanied her sweetheart everywhere, hence her nickname became, the "itinerant sultana". The first such campaign took place in 1672, when Mehmed took the whole harem of his, his mother, his Haseki, and his sisters to Polish territory. From this trip we are left with a description of an incident in which Emetullah’s silver carriage was stuck in the mud due to bad weather on the way to the Babadag camp. The sultan could not wait for hours for the carriage to be released, so Fazıl Ahmed Pasha, the Grand Vizier, was left with his men to help the Sultana. On August 28, 1672, Kamianets-Podilskyi fell and became the property of the Ottomans. Mosque were formed from all the churches in the city, one of which was named in honor of Gülnüş. With this she became the first and only Haseki Sultan to enjoy such a privilege.

They spent a few months near the front and then returned to Edirne. However, the agreement was crossed by the Polish, so in 1673 Mehmed was forced to return to the front and took his sweetheart with him again. This is particularly noteworthy and not just because the sultans had not taken their wives on the battlefield for centuries, but because Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş was already heavily pregnant with her second son. The baby was finally born during the campaign on 31 December 1673 at Hacıoglupazarı in present-day Bulgaria. This was the only time an Ottoman prince was born near the battlefield, away from the security of the capital or the provinces. The fact is, however, that this camp was also very far from the real war.

After the success of the Polish campaign, the Sultan retreated to Edirne, where in 1675 he organized a huge ceremony in which his two sons, Mustafa and Ahmed, were circumcised and his eldest daughter, Hatice, was married off. Mehmed's appearance was reported at the event, but many praised the princes and Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş, who attended the ceremony as well. According to one agha present, the Sultana was a beautiful woman with chesnut hair. It is questionable, of course, to what extent we can believe such descriptions, since her hair was certainly covered with a veil, even if she was present. Then in 1676 Mehmed embarked on another campaign - again, of course, with his sweetheart on his side - this time to match the Russians. The aim of the campaign was to rule over today's Ukrainian - then Polish - territories. Finally, in 1681, the campaign ended with an agreement.

The first woman in the harem and the fall

Whatever the relationship between Turhan and Emetullah was, with the death of Turhan in 1683, the road to the top of the harem opened up before Emetullah. Although her large-scale construction projects, as a Haseki, began during Turhan’s life, her political career could have really gained momentum only without Turhan. There is a known case, for example, in which one of Mustafa's teachers, Feyzullah Efendi, who was very close to Emetulla committed a mistake and was faced with severe punishment. Eventually, Emetullah intervened and saved the man's life.

However, Emetullah could not enjoy the control of the harem for long. The 1680s were about a series of tragedies. The enemies of the Ottoman Empire clashed in turn and squeezed the Ottomans more and more out of European territories. This caused general dissatisfaction, and then over time, chaos, executions, financial problems spread throughout the empire, more and more rebellions set in, and even natural disasters plagued the empire. Turhan's death was practically sealed the end of Mehmed IV also. He became increasingly unpopular, and suffered the final blow in 1687. After the tragic outcome of the second battle of Mohács, Mehmed was dethroned and his younger brother, Suleiman, was put to the throne, as Suleiman II. This meant Emetullah's move to the Old Palace.

Not only did Emetullah face the loss of her power and exile, but she was separated from her beloved. A member of Mehmed’s harem, the poet Afife Kadin, at this time composed one of her poems about Gülnüş. According to the verse, Gülnüş sobbed and shouted as long as her lungs could hold, while her loved one was torn away from her and locked up. While Mehmed sobbed quietly in the kafes, his beloved cried across the wall. In another verse of hers, Afife writes, "Tell Gülnüş to wear black / to suffer in pain / While Sultan Mehmed weeps in Şimşirlik" We do not know if Emetullah and Mehmed may have met until Mehmed's death in 1693.

Back to the top

Due to Süleyman II's ill condition, followed by the old Ahmed II, Emetullah did not have to linger in the Old Palace for long. In 1695, barely 8 years after her retirement, Emetullah was able to return as Valide Sultan. Ahmed II died in Edirne and Mustafa II took his place as Sultan. Emetullah was then in the Old Palace in Istanbul, so thats where she received the news. As part of a huge ceremony, Emetullah went from the Old Palace to Topkapi Palace and from there to Edirne. On the way to Edirne, several bridges had to be renovated before the Valide Sultan's arrival. The costs of the bridge-renovations  were recorded in the registers as Ahmed II's funeral expenses. Arriving in Edirne, her son welcomed the new Valide Sultan.

In the following years Edirne remained the de facto capital of the Empire. The sultan spent only a short period of time in Istanbul with his court, and then they were not resided in Topkapi Palace either, but preferred other palaces. Mustafa and Emetullah quickly gathered their trustworthy men around them and began to rule according to their own tastes. Thus, for example, the Feyzullah Efendi who had previously been rescued from execution by Emetullah, became the Seyhülislam. During Mustafa's reign, Emetullah built an unprecedented power for herself, her all-intertwined political influence was huge and also her son openly discussed state affairs with her. In addition, Emetullah regularly showed up among the people, leaving the harem, visiting her daughters or foundations. She lived a fairly free life. So much that at certain events she stood right next to her son, veiled but not hiding. At other times, she welcomed Seyhülislam, Grand Vizier, or other influential statesmen openly or were present at parades in Eyüb.

Emetullah’s tremendous influence over her son, the rampant corruption among statesmen, and the neglect of Istanbul all provoked the displeasure of the people. In 1703 a huge revolt broke out in the capital, but it quickly reached Edirne as well. Emetullah provided good advice to her son, trying to quickly replace any statesman who might have harmed them, but it was too late. During the rebellion Mustafa II was dethroned. The rebels refused to ascend Mustafa's younger brother, Ahmed, as he was also the son of Emetullah. They wanted to replace Mustafa II with the 11-years-old Şehzade Ibrahim, the son of Ahmed II and his Haseki, Rabia Sultan . The ulema, however, rejected this based on the boy's age, and as a polite gesture a letter was written to Emetullah asking for permission to dethrone Mustafa and replace him with Ahmed III. Although she had no real say, Emetullah responded in agreement:"All of you have requested in concord and unanimity that my majestic son Sultan Ahmed be seated on the imperial throne and that my other son Sultan Mustafa be deposed. Your petition has been complied with."

However, the dethronement of Mustafa was far from enough for the rebels. Gülnüş was demanded to leave Edirne or Topkapi Palace and retire to the Old Palace. Emetullah did indeed remain there until the circumstances calmed down enough for her to return. Perhaps she did not even regret her retreat, for Mustafa, her firstborn son, died in December 1703 of natural causes.

Shadow Valide

The pashas tried to keep Gülnüş away from her son and from state affairs because they feared a revenge from Emetullah on Mustafa's dethronement and subsequent death. They feared they would face a revenge campaign like the pashas who in 1648 dethroned and executed the son of Kösem Sultan, Ibrahim I. In the meantime, however, it turned out that Gülnüş did not even think of revenge. She learned from her previous mistakes and from the end of the Kösem Sultan, so she was much more careful and respectful with the pashas from then on than before. There were rewards for this.

One of Ahmed III’s first steps was to take the imperial court back to Istanbul, so Edirne ceased to be the de facto capital. To increase the sultan’s popularity among the people of Istanbul, plenty of public events were organized, such as archery competitions. Of course Gülnüş tried to help her second son, Ahmed III, but she did it all from the background. However, her participation in political life is by no means conditional. Several letters have survived, which she exchanged with the pashas during Ahmed III's reign. When one of the Grand Vizier tried to have a say in which eunuch Gülnüş would appoint to lead the harem, he quickly found himself without a position. So Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş did not give up politics at all, only she played it in a smarter and less spectacularly way.

Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş returned to the limelight once again. In 1709, during the war between the Russians and the Swedes, the Swedish king was captured and then found refuge in the Ottoman Empire. The king sought the help of the Ottomans to regain his throne. Emetullah, along with the second Vizier Damat Silahdar Ali Pasha, publicly stood by the king's request and tried to persuade Ahmed III to wage war against the Russians. The other members of the divan, such as the Grand Vizier, did not agree at all with Gülnüş's will, so a controversy ensued. Ahmed III finally, following the advice of his mother, went to war with the Russian Empire in 1711. The war ended with treaties.

Her death and legacy

Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş followed her son from Istanbul to Edirne in the summer of 1715 to welcome there the army of the Grand Vizier, who had successfully re-conquered Morea from the Venetians. Her health here deteriorated in a few months and whatever the best doctors of the empire tried Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş died on November 6, 1715, in Edirne. Funeral prayers were held in Edirne in the presence of the Sultan, Grand Vizier, Ulema, and all important statesmen, and then her body was taken back to Istanbul, where she was buried in her own tomb on November 9th. Her turbe is particularly interesting, as it is not covered like most dynastic tombs, but open to the sky. By the way, this was built according to Emetullah's own wishes. There are plenty of plants and water in the octagonal tomb, which was probably built like that to resemble the Garden of Eden.

During her life, Gülnüş managed several construction projects, during which mosques, soup kitchens, schools, fountains and a tomb were built. But she converted several former churches into mosques also, and others were named in his honor. She also had foundations in Üsküdar, Edirne, Chios, Mecca, Medina, Kastamonu and Menemen.

Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş was the last valide sultan during the period of the Sultanate of Women. Although there were still some Valide with exceptional influence after her, no one was able to gain an influence similar to her and her predecessors anymore. It was the death of Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş that eventually completely ended the period of the Sultanate of Women. True, she was not the last Haseki Sultan, because her brother-in-law Ahmed II had a Haseki, Rabia Sultan, but the woman had already died in 1712 before Emetullah. So with the death of Gülnüş, on November 6, 1715, the more than 180-years-long period of the Sultanate of Women ended. The Sultanate of Women was followed by the Tulip era, which was one of the most peaceful periods in the history of the empire, during which Westernization began.

Used sources: B. İ. Argıt - A Queen Mother and the Ottoman Imperial Harem: Rabia Gülnuş Emetullah Valide Sultan (1640-1715); M. Ç. Uluçay - Padişahların Kadınları ve Kızları, Y.Öztuna - Devletler ve Hanedanlar, N. Sakaoğlu - Bu Mülkün Kadın Sultanları; M. Özgüleş - The Women Who Built the Ottoman World: Female Patronage and the Architectural Legacy of Gülnuş Sultan; H. G. Majer - The Harem of Mustafa II (1695-1703); J. Dumas - Les perles de nacre du sultanat; A. D. Alderson - The Structure of the Ottoman Dynasty; L. Peirce - The Imperial Harem: Women and Sovereignty in the Ottoman Empire; C. Finkel - Osman's Dream: The Story of the Ottoman Empire

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Származása fiatalkora

Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş görög származású nő volt, akit minden bizonnyal a velencei-oszmán háború során fogtak el. A sors fintora, hogy a háború kirobbanása köthető volt IV. Mehmedhez, aki később Emetullah kedvese lett. I. Ibrahim 1645 nyarán hadat üzent Velencének és egy nagy török sereget küldött Krétára. A háború közvetlen oka az volt, hogy máltai kalózok fogtak el egy oszmán felségjelzésű hajót, mely több befolyásos személyt szállított. Köztük volt IV. Mehmed szoptatósdajkája és annak fia, akiket I. Ibrahim szultán nagyon szeretett. Olyannyira, hogy a szoptatósdajka fiával többet törődött, mint saját gyermekével, Mehmeddel. A háború évtizedeken keresztül zajlott, egészen 1669-ig, így pontosan nem meghatározható, hogy Emetullah mikor esett fogságba.

Emetullah egy bizonyos Deli Hüseyn Pasa ajándéka volt, aki a saját maga által ejtett krétai rabszolgákat vitte a szultáni palotába és a legjobbakat a szultán háremébe ajánlotta. Deli Hüseyn Pasa 1659-ben elhunyt, így Emetullah mindenképp ezen időpont előtt került a hárembe. Ez sajnos nem segít nekünk, ugyanis tekintve, hogy Emetullah 1660-ban már a szultán kedvence volt és ezt több éves oktatás kellett, hogy megelőzze, a legvalószínűbb, hogy 1654 előtt esett fogságba. Sokan adják meg az 1645-ös évet, mint fogságba esés, azonban ez szinte kizárt. Általában 5 év alatti gyerekeket nem fogtak el, velük több volt a baj, mint a haszon és nagy eséllyel haltak meg a hosszú és viszontagságos út során. Ha feltételezzük, hogy Emetullah nagyjából egy idős volt - vagy fiatalabb -, mint IV Mehmed (1642), legkorábban 1648-ban eshetett fogságba.

Az ágyas

Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş csodaszép fiatal nővé érett, így tökéletesen alkalmas lett a szultán szórakoztatására. Emetullah azon kevés szultána közé tartozik, akinek külsejét meglehetősen részletesen ismerjük. Az egyik követnek lehetősége volt látni Emetullah egyik ruháját és övét, mely alapján az átlagnál magasabb, de kecses nőnek gondolta a szultánát. Ugyanez a követ úgy hallotta informátorától, hogy a szultánának finom bőre és kék szeme van. Más leírások szerint fekete göndör haja volt. Élete vége felé Emetullah a beszámolók szerint inkább volt telt, mint karcsú.

Nem tudni pontosan, hogy Mehmed mikor kezdett ágyasokat fogadni és hogy Emetullah mikor vált a kedvencévé. Mehmed első gyermeke, egy kislány 1660-ban született. Közvetett bizonyítékok alapján ez a lány, Hatice, Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş első gyermeke volt. Ez alapján feltételezhetjük, hogy Emetullah a kései 1650-es években vált Mehmed partnerévé. Kapcsolatuk azonban ekkoriban még nem mélyült el igazán, hiszen Mehmed a következő időszakot a háremétől távol töltötte, sokat utazott.

A szultán nemsokkal később az egész udvartartását áthelyezte Edirnébe, ezzel gyakorlatilag mintegy de facto fővárossá tette meg az általa annyira kedvelt várost. Tökéletes időzítés volt, hogy elsőszülött fia, Musztafa itt látta meg a napvilágot 1664-ben. Mehmed annyira örült fia születésének, hogy elképesztő ajándékokkal halmozta el a gyermek anyját, Emetullah Rabia Gülnüşt és innentől kezdve sosem hagyta magára a nőt. Magával vitte a vadászataira, sőt hadjárataira is. Együtt még legalább két gyermekük született, Ahmed (későbbi III. Ahmed) 1673-ban és Fatma Emetullah 1675-ben. Mehmednek a fent említett négy gyermeken kívül bizonyosan voltak más gyermekei (Ayşe, Bayezid, Ümmügülsüm, Süleyman). Az ő anyjuk kiléte ismeretlen, lehetett Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş is, de akár más ágyasok is.

Mint a szultán kiemelt ágyasa, gyermekeinek anyja Emetullah a hárem második legmagasabb rangú asszonya volt. Viszonya a hárem első asszonyával ellentmondásos. Egyesek szerint Emetullah gonosz, erőszakos nő volt, aki rendszeresen szállt szembe anyósával, Mehmed édesanyjával, Turhan Hatice Valide szultánával. Azonban nincs erre utaló bizonyíték, sőt! Emetullah és Turhan időszakosan bizonyosan együttműködtek, hogy politikai céljaikat elérjék. 1682-ben Merzifonlu Kara Mustafa Pasa nagyvezír egyre jobban kezdte dühíteni Turhant, ugyanis próbálta ellehetetleníteni annak politikai befolyását. Azt nem tudjuk, hogy Gülnüş milyen motiváció miatt, de segített Turhannak a pasa eltávolításában. Végül sajnos Turhan előbb halt meg, minthogy a pasát lefokozták volna. Akárhogyan is, ez az együttműködés teszi valószínűtlenné, hogy Emetullah és Turhan közt rideg lett volna a kapcsolat. Mindemellett Emetullah jó viszonyt ápolt Turhan eunuchjával, Yusuf Agával, ami szintén nem lett volna lehetséges, ha a két nő nem kedveli és tiszteli egymást.

Sokan a feltételezett rideg kapcsolatért Emetullah ambícióit okolják. A legenda úgy tartja, hogy Mehmedet kedvese, Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş szultána igyekezett meggyőzni arról, hogy végeztesse ki elzárva tartott féltestvéreit és helyettük közös fiaikat tegye meg örökösének. Ismerve azonban a Mehmed és fiai közt fennálló végtelenül szoros viszonyt, nem zárhatjuk ki, hogy maga Mehmed kívánta megváltoztatni az öröklést. Akárki is volt a kifundálója, senki sem támogatta az ötletet, sem a nép, sem a pasák és Mehmed anyja, Turhan szultána sem. Turhan, hogy megóvja Szulejmán és Ahmed hercegeket a haláltól, fiát pedig a bukástól, mindig maga mellett tartotta két nevelt fiát. Ha Turhan utazott, magával vitte őket, nehogy távollétében Mehmed kivégeztesse őket.

Szultána a fronton

Musztafa születése után a szultán nem kívánt Emetullah és fia nélkül bárhová is menni. Innentől kezdve Emetullah mindenhová elkísérte kedvesét, innen ered beceneve, a "vándorló szultána" (itinerant sultan). Az első ilyen hadjáratra 1672-ben került sor, mikor Mehmed az egész háremét, anyját, Haszekijét, húgait is magával vitte a lengyel területekre. Erről az útról marad ránk egy esemény leírása, miszerint babadagi tábor felé vezető úton a rossz időjárási viszonyok miatt Emetullah ezüst fogata beragadt a sárba. A szultán nem várhatott órákat, amíg az elakadt kocsit kiszabadítják, így Fazıl Ahmed Pasa, a nagyvezír maradt hátra embereivel, hogy segítse a szultánát. 1672. augusztus 28-én Kamianets-Podilskyi elesett és az oszmánoké lett. A városban található összes templomból mecsetet alakítottak, melyek közül az egyiket Gülnüş tiszteletére nevetek el. Ezzel ő lett az első és egyetlen Haszeki szultána, aki ilyen kiváltságban részesülhetett.

Néhány hónapot töltöttek a front közelében, majd visszatértek Edirnébe. A megkötött egyezséget azonban a lengyelek keresztülhúzták, így 1673-ban Mehmed kénytelen volt visszatérni a frontra és magával vitte kedvesét is. Ez azért különösen említésre méltó, mert azontúl, hogy a szultánok évszázadok óta nem vitték harctérre asszonyaikat, Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş már előrehaladott terhes volt második fiával, akit végül a hadjáraton szült meg 1673. december 31-én Hacıoglupazarınál, a mai Bulgária területén. Ez a valaha volt egyetlen olyan eset, amikor egy oszmán herceg a hadszíntéren született meg, távol a főváros vagy a provinciák biztonságától. Tény azonban, hogy ez a tábor is igen távol volt a valódi fronttól.

A lengyel hadjárat sikere után a szultán Edirnébe vonult vissza, ahol 1675-ben hatalmas ünnepséget szervezett, melyen két fiát Musztafát és Ahmedet körülmetélték, legidősebb lányát Haticét pedig kiházasította. Az eseményen beszámoltak Mehmed külleméről, de sokan méltatták a herceget és Mehmed mellett az ünnepségen résztvevő Emetullah Rabia Gülnüşt is. Az egyik jelenlévő szerint a szultána gesztenyebarna hajú, gyönyörű nő volt. Kérdéses persze mennyire hihetünk az ilyen jellegű leírásoknak, hiszen haját egészen biztosan fátyol fedte, ha jelen volt is. 1676-ban aztán Mehmed újabb hadjáratra indult - természetesen ismét kedvesével az oldalán -, ezúttal az oroszokkal kívánt megmérkőzni. A hadjárat célja az mai ukrán - akkori lengyel - területek feletti uralom volt. Végül 1681-ben megállapodással zárult le a hadjárat.

A hárem első asszonya és a bukás

Bármilyen volt is Turhan és Emetullah kapcsolata, Turhan 1683-as halálával megnyílt Emetullah előtt az út a hárem csúcsára. Bár nagyszabású Haszekiként végzett építési projektjei még Turhan életében elkezdődtek, politikai karrierje ekkor lendülhetett meg igazán. Ismert például egy eset, mikor Musztafa egyik tanítója - aki igen közel állt Emetullahoz - Feyzullah Efendi hibát követett el és súlyos büntetés volt kilátásba helyeztve számára. Végül Emetullah közbelépett és megmentette a férfi életét.

Emetullah nem élvezhette azonban sokáig a hárem irányítását. Az 1680-as évek a sorozatos tragédiákról szóltak. Az Oszmán Birodalom ellenségei sorra fogtak össze egymással és szorították egyre kintebb az oszmánokat az európai területekről. Ez általános elégedetlenséget okozott, majd idővel káosz, kivégzések, anyagi problémák terjedtek el mindenhol a birodalomban, egyre több lázadás indult útjára és még természeti katasztrófák is sújtották a tragikus helyzetben lévő birodalmat. Gyakorlatilag már anyja halálával megpecsételődött Mehmed sorsa, egyre népszerűtlenebb lett, a végső csapást pedig 1687-ben szenvedte el. A második mohácsi csata tragikus kimenetele után Mehmedet trónfosztották és öccsét, Szulejmánt ültették trónra, aki így évtizedekig tartó elzárt élete után megkezdhette uralkodását II. Szulejmán néven. Ez egyet jelentett Emetullah Régi Palotába való költözésével.

Emetulláhnak nem csak a hatalma elvesztésével és száműzetéssel kellett szembenéznie, de elválasztották őt kedvesétől. Mehmed háremének egy tagja, a költő Afife Kadin ekkoriban komponálta egyik Emetullah Rabia Gülnüşről szóló versét. A vers szerint Gülnüş szultána addig zokogott és kiáltozott, mikor kedvesét a szultánt elszakították tőle és elzárták, amíg csak bírta a tüdeje. Mehmed pedig csendben zokogott a kafesben, míg szerelme a fal túloldalán sírt. Egy másik versében azt írja "Mondd Gülnüşnek, viseljen feketét / hogy abban szenvedje el fájdalmát / míg Mehmed szultán Şimşirlikben sír". Nem tudjuk, hogy Emetullah és Mehmed találkozhattak e még Mehmed 1693-as haláláig.

Vissza a csúcsra

II. Szulejmán szultán beteges állapota miatt, majd az őt követő II. Ahmed kora miatt nem kellett Emetullahnak sokáig a Régi Palotában senyvedni. 1695-ben, alig 8 év után Emetullah valide szultánaként térhetett vissza. II. Ahmed Edirnében hunyt el és a szintén jelenlévő II. Musztafa vette át a helyét szultánként. Emetullah ekkor Isztambulban a Régi Palotában volt, itt kapta meg a hírt. Emetullah hatalmas ünnepség keretei között a Régi Palotából a Topkapi Palotába ment, onnan pedig Edirnébe. Az Edirnébe való út során több hidat kellett megújítani a valide szultána előtt, melyek költségeit mind II. Ahmed temetési költségeiként vezettek fel a jegyzőkönyvekbe. Edirnébe érve fia üdvözölte az új valide szultánát.

A következő években is Edirne maradt a birodalom központja, csak rövidebb időszakot töltött az udvar Isztambulban és akkor sem a Topkapi Palotában voltak, hanem más palotákat részesítettek előnyben. Musztafa és Emetullah gyorsan maguk köré gyűjtötték megbízható embereiket és saját szájízük szerint kezdtek uralkodni. Így lett például Seyhülislam abból a Feyzullah Efendiből, akit korábban már egyszer Emetullah megmentett a kivégzéstől. Musztafa uralkodása alatt Emetullah sosem látott hatalmat épített magának, mindent átszőtt politikai befolyása de fia is nyíltan megvitatta vele az államügyeket. Emellett Emetullah rendszeresen mutatkozott az emberek közt, hagyta el a háremet, látogatta meg lányait vagy alapítványait. Meglehetősen szabad életet élt. Olyannyira, hogy bizonyos eseményeken egyenesen fia mellett állt elfátyolozva, de nem elbújva. Máskor a Seyhülislamot, nagyvezírt vagy más befolyásos államférfiakat fogadott nyíltan vagy parádékat tekintett meg Eyüb városrészben.

Emetullah hatalmas befolyása fiára, az államférfiak közt dívó korrupció és Isztambul elhanyagolása mind a nép nemtetszését váltották ki. 1703-ban hatalmas lázadás tört ki a fővárosban, de gyorsan elérte Edirnét is. Emetullah jó tanácsokkal látta el fiát, igyekeztek gyorsan leváltani minden államférfit, aki kárt okozhatott volna nekik, de már késő volt. A lázadás során II. Musztafát trónfosztották. A lázadók azt is elutasították, hogy Musztafa öccsét, Ahmedet emeljék trónra, hiszen ő is Emetullah fia volt, helyette II. Ahmed és Haseki Rabia szultána 11 éves fiát, Ibrahim herceget akarták a trónra ültetni. Az ulema azonban ezt elutasította a fiú korára való tekintettel és illedelmes gesztusként levelet írtak Emetullahnak, melyben engedélyét kérték Musztafa trónfosztásához. Bár nem volt valódi beleszólása, Emetullah beleegyezően válaszolt.

A lázadóknak azonban Musztafa trónfosztása távolról sem volt elég. Követelték, hogy Gülnüş hagyja el a Topkapi palotát és vonuljon vissza a Régi Palotába. Emetullah valóban ott maradt, amíg a körülmények nem nyugodtak meg eléggé visszatéréséhez. Talán nem is bánta az elvonult életet, ugyanis Musztafa, elsőszülött fia 1703 decemberében természetes okok következtében elhunyt.

Árnyék Valide

A pasák azért igyekeztek Gülnüşt távol tartani fiától és az államügyektől, mert attól tartottak bosszút állna rajtuk Musztafa trónfosztása és későbbi halála miatt. Féltek, hogy egy olyan bosszúhadjárattal találnák szembe magukat, mint azok a pasák, akik 1648-ban Köszem szultána fiát, Ibrahimot trónfosztották és kivégezték. Gülnüşről azonban időközben kiderült, hogy eszében sincs bosszút állni. Tanult az esetből és Köszem szultána halálából, így sokkal óvatosabban, tisztelettudóbban viselkedett a pasákkal, mint korábban. Ennek meg is lett az eredménye.

III. Ahmed egyik első lépése az volt, hogy a birodalmi udvartartást újra visszavitte Isztambulba, így Edirne megszűnt de facto fővárosnak lenni. Hogy a szultán népszerűsgét növeljék Isztambul népe között, rengeteg nyilvános eseményt szerveztek, például íjászati bemutatókat. Természetesen Gülnüş második fia, III. Ahmed uralkodása során is kényelemben élt és igyekezett segíteni fiát, de mindezt a háttérből tette. Részvétele a politikai életben azonban egyáltalán nem feltételes. Fennmaradt több levele is, melyet a pasákkal váltott III. Ahmed uralkodása során. Mindemellett, amikor az egyik nagyvezír megpróbált beleszólni abba, hogy Gülnüş melyik eunuchot nevezi ki a hárem élére gyorsan pozíció nélkül találta magát. Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş tehát egyáltalán nem hagyott fel a politikával, csak azt okosabban és kevésbé látványosan tette.

Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş még egyszer visszatért a rivaldafénybe. 1709-ben az oroszok és svédek közti háború során a svéd király fogságba esett, majd az Oszmán Birodalomban talált menedékre. A király az oszmánok segítségét kérte, hogy visszaszerezhesse trónját. Emetullah a második vezír Damat Silahdar Ali Pasával karöltve nyilvánosan álltak a király kérése mellé és igyekeztek rávenni III. Ahmedet, hogy vállaljon háborút az oroszokkal. A divan más tagjai, így a nagyvezír egyáltalán nem értettek egyet Gülnüş akaratával, így vita alakult ki. III. Ahmed végül az édesanyja tanácsát követve bocsátkozott 1711-ben háborúba az Orosz Birodalommal, mely egyezményekkel zárult.

Halála és hagyatéka

Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş 1715 nyarán követte fiát Isztambulból Edirnébe, hogy ott üdvözöljék a nagyvezír seregét, aki sikeresen hódította vissza Moreát a velenceiektől. Egészsége itt néhány hónap alatt leromlott és bármivel is próbálkoztak a birodalom legjobb orvosai Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş 1715. november 6-án, Edirnében meghalt. A temetési imákat Edirnében mondták a szultán, nagyvezír, ulema és minden fontos államférfi jelenlétében, majd testét visszavitték Isztambulba, ahol saját türbéjében temették el november 9-én. Türbéje kifejezetten érdekes, ugyanis nem fedett, mint a legtöbb dinaszitkus türbe, hanem az ég felé nyitott. Ez egyébként Emetullah saját kívánsága szerint épült így. Az oktagonális türbében rengeteg a növény és a víz, mely valószínűleg amiatt épült így, hogy hasonlítson az Édenkertre.

Élete során Gülnüş több építkezési projektet menedzselt, melynek során mecset, leveskonyha, iskola, kút, türbe épült. De több korábbi templomot építtetett át mecsetté, másokat pedig tiszteletére neveztek el. Emellett volt alapítványa Üsküdarban, Edirnében, Chiosban, Mekkában, Medinában, Kastamonuban és Menemenben.

Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş volt az utolsó valide szultána a Nők szultánátusának időszakában. Bár utána is akadt néhány kivételes befolyással bíró Valide, az övéhez és elődeihez hasonló befolyást senkinek sem sikerült többé szerezni. Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş halála volt az, amely végül teljesen lezárta a Nők szultánátusának időszakát is. Igaz, nem ő volt az utolsó Haszeki szultána, mert sógorának II. Ahmednek volt egy Haszekije, Rabia Sultan, a nő már Emetullah előtt, 1712-ben meghalt. Gülnüş halálával, 1715. november 6-n lezárult az a több, mint 180 éves időszak, mely során befolyásosabbnál befolyásosabb nők váltották egymást az Oszmán Birodalom előkelőségei között. A Nők szultánátusát a Tulipán éra követte, mely az egyik legbékésebb időszaka volt a birodalom történetének, és mely során elindult a nyugatosodás a birodalomban.

Felhasznált források: B. İ. Argıt - A Queen Mother and the Ottoman Imperial Harem: Rabia Gülnuş Emetullah Valide Sultan (1640-1715); M. Ç. Uluçay - Padişahların Kadınları ve Kızları, Y.Öztuna - Devletler ve Hanedanlar, N. Sakaoğlu - Bu Mülkün Kadın Sultanları; M. Özgüleş - The Women Who Built the Ottoman World: Female Patronage and the Architectural Legacy of Gülnuş Sultan; H. G. Majer - The Harem of Mustafa II (1695-1703); J. Dumas - Les perles de nacre du sultanat; A. D. Alderson - The Structure of the Ottoman Dynasty; L. Peirce - The Imperial Harem: Women and Sovereignty in the Ottoman Empire; C. Finkel - Osman's Dream: The Story of the Ottoman Empire